#and i used to be able to do this stuff! and now i cant and its so frustrating !!!

[heich0e]

keishin finally (finally) gets you into bed with him—well, onto couch with him, in his little one-room apartment in the back of sakanoshita mart—and he thinks all his prayers have finally been answered. thinks he's found some sort of cosmic apology for every misfortune he's ever suffered in how soft your lips are against his and how sweet you taste.

he knows he doesn't deserve this; that he hasn't done anything in his unremarkable life to merit how good you feel underneath his hands, or how dizzying those little noises you're making when he touches you are. but, against all odds, you're really here, you really want him, and he's determined not to fuck this up.

"keishin."

every time you say his name he feels like he's hearing it for the first time. like he's being blessed by it. it takes him a moment to process the way you've called for his attention as he suckles a little bruise against your throat, using every modicum of will he has left in him to pull away and meet your gaze.

you look so good underneath him on his ugly, ancient couch that it makes him ache. your lips glossy and swollen, your eyes heavy-lidded and yearning. you reach up and touch his cheek, and he can't tell if your hand is cool or his face is burning.

"do you have a condom?"

and all at once keishin comes crashing—violently, disastrously, crushingly—back to earth.

he blinks at you, wide-eyed, in the wake of your question. you seem to understand his answer even though he can't bring himself to say it.

"are there any in the shop?" you ask him, optimistic and gentle, with an encouraging smile.

keishin perks up—visibly brightening at your moment of genius—but as quickly as the hope uplifts him, he's deflating again. he pinches his bottom lip between his teeth.

"we're out right now," he murmurs sheepishly, suddenly unable to meet your gaze.

he only keeps a couple of boxes of condoms behind the counter at a time, since so few people ever come in asking for them. last week takinoue had showed up half-hammered two hours after closing, and banged on the shop door until keishin grumpily answered it. his drunk friend went on to explain that he'd gone out drinking with his colleague from work and she'd invited him home with her, but he desperately needed condoms. keishin chucked the last box at his stupid face, and yusuke swore up and down their next night out drinking would be his treat before skittering off into the night again with a grin from ear to ear.

he was going to kill yusuke with his bare hands the next time he saw him.

"keishin, it's okay," you say with a light laugh at the positively crestfallen look on his face. "we don't have to—"

"no!" keishin interrupts you before you can say the words he just cant bear to hear. not right now. not from you.

even if you promise him that this could happen again another time—that you don't have to go all the way tonight, that there will be other opportunities—he has no way of knowing if that's true. no way of guaranteeing it.

he's got a taste for you now. he knows what you sound like. he knows how you feel.

and he refuses to let this opportunity pass him by.

keishin pulls himself upright so quickly from where he'd been hovering overtop of you on his lumpy sofa that he almost gives himself whiplash. he stumbles up to his feet, brushing his bleached hair back from his eyes—he's not sure where or when he'd lost his hairband, but the strands are hanging freely now and falling into his gaze. he grabs his jacket from the floor where he'd hastily shucked it when the two of you stumbled through the door in the throes of passion.

"I'm just gonna run to shimada mart!" he says to you as he stuffs his arms ungracefully into the sleeves of his jacket, his words so frantic they're almost bleeding together. "it's only about 10 minutes away, if you just wait right here—"

"keishin."

"shouldn't be longer than 25 minutes! 20, even! i might even be able to get macchan to drive me back if—"

"keishin, wait."

your laughter makes him stop dead in his tracks, halfway to the door. he's only got one slide on his foot, the other still sock-clad, and in his haste he realizes he'd grabbed his television remote instead of his cellphone to shove into his coat pocket.

you've caught him by the sleeve of his jacket, holding the material pinched between your thumb and forefinger as you stare up at him from the sofa with the sweetest smile on your face. he's frozen as he peers down at you, his lips parted, his dick still half-hard in his jeans.

"don't go," you say to him, tugging him back towards you by your grip on his cuff. he moves easily, gravitating back into your orbit in spite of how gentle the actual pull had been.

"b-but,"—keishin casts a forlorn glance back in the direction of his apartment door—"what about the condoms?"

his voice cracks a little on the question and he has genuinely never wished so ardently for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

you release his sleeve in favour of twining your fingers with his now that he's near to you again, your soft hand slipping easily into his own. that same dull ache in the pit of his core (and between his legs) throbs again as you blink up at him.

"i've been trying to tell you," you begin, a bit exasperated but not without its own fondness. you hesitate a little, looking away shyly before adding, "we don't... need one."

keishin thinks he might die.

really, genuinely die.

he wonders if maybe this is what the old man felt like when he almost keeled over from that heart attack last year, because keishin's pulse is pounding so violently in his head he feels like his vision is going a bit spotty around the edges—like when you stand up too fast after a night of drinking.

he's brought back to the moment as your hand squeezes his own—a gentle, questioning gesture.

your lashes flutter as you blink up at him, your head tilting slightly to the side. you smile a little at the dumbfounded look on his face.

"...if that's okay with you?"

(keishin pays for takinoue's drinks for the next six months, but never explains why.)

#ukai x reader #ukai keishin x reader #hq drabble #hq writing #writing

[emmaismyana]

Hi!! I hate to intrude on your blog but I don't have a blog to talk abt this stuff (too risky) and I can't talk to anyone about it irl so I was wondering if I could go on a mini rant abt my ed bcos I'm a little fed up w myself rn 😭.

So, I've had what I like to call Ana Lite (TM) for a few years now (I used to eat smaller portions at meals to shrink my stomach/appetite) but it devolved into a full blown ed around Oct 2023. That's when I started seriously losing weight (and tracking it). Well, I've been fat all my life. And I don't mean skinny fat, or midsized, I mean fat fat. Like, (medically) obese. When I started I was 85.7kg. Between Oct and Dec of last year, I lost down to 72.8kg. I felt amazing, I had hit two of my gws and felt motivated.

Well, afyer some intsnse fluctuation, for the past 5 months or so I've maintained at 74.8kg. My honeymoon phase was over and I was no longer motivated to actually fast and get actual progress. Well, about 2 weeks ago I decided to change that. I weighed in then at 74.7kg and at the end of that week I was at 72.5kg (a new lw!!) I was (and am) overjoyed, but there's one issue. I fast as much as I can, but I can't avoid dinner or meals on weekends bc of my parents (my parents have both already asked me if im eating, i cant risk them knowing). My period was supposed to come that week, but as it normally happens when I fast, it didn't start until I started eating more on the weekend.

My period makes it so so much harder to fast bc my cravings get so much worse and you already gain weight on your period, which means I'm constantly bloated and feel fatter than usual. Anyway, my goal is to hit 59kg before I go back to school next year (important weight bc at my height it means I'll be 15 lbs under overweight) and it'll be so much easier if I lose as much as I can before summer starts bc once I'm home all the time it'll be a lot harder (I'm also currently unemployed, so ik getting a job again will help.) I have 2 weeks before summer hits and I really really wanna hit 68kg by then but I'm scared I gained weight this week 😭 and I rlly just needed to talk about it bcos I haven't eaten all day and I'm about to go to the gym and I need to make sure I don't binge afterwards bcos I'm supposed to weigh in tomorrow.

(Also I feel rlly bad about this but my friend who is Chinese and slightly overweight very vocally hates her body and definitely has an ed but if I were to let her know I have one too or that ik she has one it wouldn't end well. That's not the part I feel bad about. This summer she's going to china to stay w her mom who is very skinny and very fat phobic and ik the ppl around her probably won't care if she starves herself and I feel so bad for feeling this way but I'm so scared she's gonna lose a ton of weight without me. She's always been skinnier than me and the way she talks about herself makes me feel so much fatter but I love her and we've been friends for such a long time. The one thing I have going for me is that I have skinny legs and she has expressed so many times how jelous she is of them and I feel so shitty that it makes me feel good about myself. Everything between us already feels like a competition, I just wish we could both be skinny without the drama. But also, i don't want her to go to the hospital or anything I want her to get better and all of this shit is just so confusing 😭)

So so sorry if I annoyed you! I just don't have an outlet for any of this stuff (other than my journal lol) and you seemed really sweet.

(🐚 for me to find later if you do decide to post)

Hii!! Im not gonna respond to everythinf you said, my apologies!

But im so glad you were able to rant and please feel always welcome to, either anonymous like this or in my dm's youre always welcome ♡

Hope you feel a bit better :) and tysm for calling me sweet ahaha you seem nice too

#ed but not ed sheeran #light as a feather #pro for me not for thee #th1nsp1ration #i wanna be tiny #starv1ng #th1gh g@p #th1n$pø #i wanna lose weight #tw weight

[soracities]

Me and my gf of 4 years broke up recently and the last few months, as things got worse, I was writing really well. You know that Siken tweet about the vocabulary of loss being the dictionary? But now that we've finally broken up I cant write anything.

I've always used writing to process things - I need to write stuff, to sound it out, to see if thats how I feel. I don't know what's going on. I assume I'm just not feeling my feelings but I don't know how to do it.

I'm sure I'll be fine, this is not an SOS, but do you have any tips? It feels like Im stuck and its frustrating.

Love ur blog and your kind words, stay safe, have fun, X

I'm really, really sorry about your breakup anon, and I'm sorry too that you're going through such a frustrating an difficult time in the wake of it all. Someone asked about writer's block a while back which I answered here, though I don't know how much of it will help in this particular situation.

I think it's interesting that you make a distinction between processing your feelings and actually feeling them--why are they different? do you think you're removed from your feelings when you're writing to process them? And if so, is writing in order to process something actually putting you in touch with the real, raw emotion or simply breaking it down without fully acknowledging and being present with those feelings?

I ask because I'm also someone who needs to write and sound my feelings out sometimes, but I've found I'm also someone who runs a deep risk of intellectualising my feelings when I do write about them--writing, even when processing, happens at a distance for me and in some ways I've found it's more an escape than a confrontation; my feelings, when I write about them (and I rarely do it because of this, and other reasons), turn into a narrative that circumvents the simple acknowledgement of "x happened. I feel y," and moving on. I'm not saying that this is you, but as someone who often has difficulty feeling my feelings, even through personal writing, it may be worth asking if your writing, much as it helps you process, might also be a way of avoiding a necessary confrontation with your emotions and just sitting with them, before writing about them. As I said, feeling my feelings is something I struggle with, but a dear friend shared this chart which has done wonders for me, so maybe it can help you, too (I hope)

I think it's also important to acknowledge that 4 years is a long, long time to be with someone and then no longer be with them. And if things, as you said, were particularly bad in the past few months before it happened, it could simply be that you, your mind, needs a period of stillness and recovery to full come to terms with what has happened. You have to let the reality of it all settle in, and maybe you cannot write as you used to right now because that settling hasn't fully happened yet; some things don't need to be analysed in the moment--they simply need an acknowledgement and that alone is enough to give some breathing space. I don't know if any of this will help you, anon, but I sincerely hope you can take something from it. I hope in time you are able to come back to yourself in the healthiest way for you 💗

#ask #Anonymous #notes from elsewhere #please ignore the reddit mens lib thing

[lunarharp]

when an obsessed orufrey person plays ace attorney for the first time in a while

#witch hat tag #orufrey #you know those times when the defendant is still in shambles at the end of a case because it was not a clear-cut thing #but you get to present one Special Sentimental piece of evidence that proves not all is lost #qifrey's breakdown would be like... he turns up calm and pleasant like dahlia kristoph gant etc but very quickly: #well first he's hiding his scar so you have to use the bracelet and also you find out about the seal on his hat using that. #eventually he is throwing water that comes out of nowhere like that coffee prosecutor guy. and his cape starts billowing #the more he breaks down his neck thingies start coming undone btw. To represent his descent into guilt and his LIES becoming undone. #course as the player i have already used my magatama and seen his 35894 psychelocks. but theyre those BLACK psychelocks #representing his repressed memories taken by the brimhats. also his glasses shatter out of nowhere when you keep presenting evidence #and tartah's testimony etc. and the player is like UHH this guy is A PUPPET MASTER but coco's heartfelt testimony commands the tone #and of course he's someone who has been twisted and damaged by trauma like adrian andrews. the mastermind is of course the brimhats #only me with my magatama knows that... only i can do it. It has to be me..... #just like how as the reader i can see everything about qifrey and i can hold him dear as much as i judge him #whereas if i were oru things would not be ok unless memories can be restored and mentally ill decisions can be illuminated #WELL ANYWAY !!!!! what i appreciate about ace attorney is its ability to mix silliness with seriousness #i cant usually make jokes about serious heavy heartbreaking stuff in witch hat because it is all very intense emotions for me #but i appreciate ace attorney's mix of sincerity and psychological pain and the inherent silliness to being a character in a situation #so.....Get Iguin on the stand. Now. BAILIFF.. TAKE OFF THE MASK #i would most love to be able to prove qifrey's eyesight is failing. hed be like I have no reason to pursue the brimhats (smiles pleasantly) #and it would be like You're lowering your gaze.. proof that the court lighting is too harsh for you..! #his glasses would crack at that moment btw. I used apollo's bracelet and saw the glyphs on the glass. #I know all about u. and i will save u

[weathernerdmando]

I do have on thing to say about the fact that "one of the passengers is a 19 year old" for the Titan.

A 19 year old is still a "teenager" but that is a whole ass adult. That is an adult who has been an adult for a year and acting like he has no self agency to not make the choices he did is just ridiculous and I'm seeing *way* to many people on this site pretty much just infantalize him. 18 is *also* an adult. A new adult, but still an *adult*. If you are seriously in the mindset of "but that's a child still!" You need to step away from Tumblr and just think about how you view the various human stages of development.

19 year olds aren't kids. That man made that choice to go down there.

(also as a trans man who's rights are under attack and that people are using the argument of "kids can't consent" to get their foot in the door and then further take them away from literal adults, some under the argument of "well a lot of y'all are autistic and Don't Really Understand what's happening even though you're adults!!" This shit infuriates me. Stop infantilizing people!!! This may not be about my rights as a trans person but the issue of infantilizing literal adults is still the same!!!)

#titan #oceangate #the titanic #like it sucks people probably died but honestly i don't hold a ton of sympathy for these people. who are all ADULTS. #like they made the choices #they all signed the literal waivers knew to some extent the risk #and eithsr all adults have agency or none of us do. #just bc we make the choice not to read the full text of like phone legalese doesnt mean we arent able to if we take fhe extra time to do it #there is argument to be made that stuff Iikw that is needlessly overcomplicated and should be more thoroughly regulated but for corps #not on the “oh well pwople cant agree to phone contracts now bc they're too hard to understand :(” #like. do you see how ridiculous that sounds #and the titan waivers *woudlnt have been anywhere as complicated*. ive read risk of death is mentioned 3x on the first page alone. #can't quote ehere so it moght not be true but still. point being its a literal trip to rhe bottom of fhe ocean. #that alone carries inherent risks *i dont want to take even in the safest submarine*.

[puppyeared]

if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified

#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing #i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though #at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself #as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed #escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date #although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL #ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting #workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety #i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back #AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO #im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts #i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem #in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material #and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school #maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess #only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard #hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms #i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work #not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall #anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh #yapping

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[theygender]

The management at my old apartment stole my fucking bike

#apparently theyve been mass 'confiscating' bikes off peoples porches without telling anyone that theyre taking them #i dont know how long mine has been gone bc i didnt notice it was missing until i went to load it into my car to move it #but if its been more than (i think) 30 days then it would be considered forfeit and they would have already sold/claimed/trashed it by now #my gf and i saw a whole pile of 20+ confiscated bikes near the maintenance building but it doesnt look like mine was in it #i called them today to ask about it and they told me that for them to look for it i would need to provide a photo to prove its mine?? #its MY bike! you stole it off my porch. how tf was i supposed to know that i needed to take a picture of it beforehand #they told us we can go check out the pile so me and my gf are gonna go look more thoroughly now that we're officially allowed #but if its IN the maintenance building we wont be able to find it #and if they already sold it or took it home with them or threw it away then it also wont be there #and i cant even ask them to confirm when they took it / if its already gone #bc it looks like theyve been doing this with dozens of bikes over the past few months so how would they even remember one specific one #what the fuck #rambling #also to be clear: they arent being confiscated BECAUSE theyre on the porches #the bikes are supposed to be under the stairwell and thats where mine was #my neighbors who leave their kids bikes piled on their side in the yard got to keep theirs #theyve been doing unscheduled porch painting without any sort of warning or notice on and off since like december tho #so my only guess is that they decided since they werent giving us any notice to move our stuff off the porch ahead of time #they decided to just move straight into confiscating everything off of the porches and hoping no one would call them out on it #which is fucking bullshit

[androideql]

Alright so the day started terribly today and I'm going through some turmoils so prepare for any unusual behaviour

#android talking #i swear to god that i don't fuck up on purpose and i wish i could stop it from happening #ive been feeling like a pretty useless member of this household lately and when i forget crucial stuff and everyone gets mad i just #i cant #im trying my hardest and i know it's not enough but nobody understands that when i say im constantly exhausted #i dont mean like i need to chill down and sit down for a while #i mean i cant sleep i cant bring myself to even do what i want to do and i physcally struggle to stand up some days #and it's not like i havent said this #they know im severaly weakened but they forget #the moment i cant do what i used to be able to they get so upset... #alright enough tags for now #negative

[goofnuggetkarlaa]

well it seems youtube on firefox is no longer letting me play videos in anything higher than 720p, and some its only allowing me to view in 360p. and while duckduckgo's duck player works fine, if i stream it over discord, no audio can be heard on the stream (╬▔皿▔)╯

guess im stuck having other people be forced to stream the videos for me i guess until some tech genius starts having this problem as well and creates a workaround.

fuck youtube, fuck google, fuck every big tech company (and every non-tech company while we're at it), fuck every greedy capitalistic pig who is purposefully making my life more irritating and inconvenient for me just because they can. now where's that damn guillotine

#the nugget speaks #its annoying cause my phone is ALSO having issues it wasnt having before #due to a samsung update #so now i have a constant notification telling me that my data is turned off (i know it is) #and that i have to turn it back on (i dont want to) #and i cant get rid of it #and i spent over an hour with consumer cellular's support #just for them to eventually come to the conclusion there's nothing they can do about it either #im so sick and tired of this life #my bf and i live really far apart (like 15 hours) #so a huge part of our relationship relies on being able to stream videos and stuff online #and im SO irritated that i just cant do this anymore #and every big company out there #is making it harder and harder for us #whats next? is discord going to start charging me for every minute i spend in a voice call? #im fucking LOSING it #firefox is dying on me #duck duck go doesnt have all the features i need #chrome is right out (fuck google‚ have i mentioned i hate google?)

[rouge-the-bat]

having adhd will make you not have the energy to do shit like cooking and cleaning and general Things You Need To Do To Live but WILL make you have extreme motivation to make a transcript of all dialogue of a 100+ episode 90s anime, take a million screenshots, rip models from a ps2 game of the anime when you have no experience with doing that, so not only you can use them but also all of this can be available online for peoples easy access. just because the anime is your fucking hyperfixation

#yes this is about yyh no i havent actually gone through all this yet #ive made. PROGRESS on the model thing but since my old tablet died i havent gotten back on it #id need to reinstall the emulator and figure out what all i was doing again n shit #and all the screenshots i took of the anime before arent of the best quality bc they were done on my phone from funimations site #BUT NOW I HAVE THE BOX SET and so its soooo fucking crisp and clean and beautiful i wanna screenshot it all soooo bad #but to rip the frames (instead of taking screenshots thatd be resizing the pics based on the screen being used) #id need a blu ray disc reader thatd let me rip data. and idk what to look for for a good one that allows that and isnt super expensive... #and i cant find a transcript online of the dialogue but i think itd be really useful for being able to quickly check back on what was said #like for fic writing n stuff #and can do word searches n stuff through the whole thing #u hyperfixate on a 90s anime and see theres things missing about it online and go ''is anybody gonna fix that'' and not wait for an answer

[soggypotatoes]

so I've been saving up for a while to get myself this art kit for my bday present to myself, it's not huge but yeah anyway it came in stock so I bought it!!

it's multimedia and an artist teaches you through a workbook how they use the mediums together. ive started it, it's weird cause I'm pretty staunchly self taught, I never look up tutorials ever so I feel weird reading about how something works lol (even tho the tutorial part is barely a tute, it's mostly guiding you through messing around with the materials and how they work together)

anyway. point of this is im being tricked into using watercolour, my biggest fear in art, and it's going okay! I feel nervous with it though. esp since I'm still trying to just figure it out myself and the booklet doesn't teach you how to actually use it, so I'm playing it by ear. but part of why I avoided it was bc it seemed like a medium very resistant to like, just fucking around until you get something that works. but whatever. I'm gonna fuck around! and I'm having fun with it!

#ed mumbles #it came with a few watercolours #soft colour pencils #a couple posca markers and a brush pen #ive already learnt some great stuff about colour theory ( #(i really dont ever look anything up so it's news to me lol) #i cant wait to be able to use them together! #bc my goal is to learn as many mediums as possible and then ill never get bored #cause i get bored SO QUICKLY #i do 3 paintings and I'm like cool ive done that now. whats next #i love combining things #maybe i should make a 3d pigeon out of clay on cardboard and paint that!! #pigeon quest is great cause i have a direction for every new thing i learn #!! #also i feel so clumsy with watercolour haha #it's so polite and I'm a grinch

[sea-jello]

Hello !

I saw the ask you got about drama and copyright issues and maybe me feeling dismissive about drama stems from me just having being involved in theatre for years ??? I think casting is bound to cause some drama in the short term but i dont think anything long term will stem from it

Maybe its me being hopeful and having faith that the fandom based around a musical will be understanding of and respectful towards whatever casting decisions are made seeing as thats kinda just what happens in theatre????? Sometimes you dont get the part you want (if you even get cast at all) and it kinda sucks! But there will always be another opportunity. Shows will be put on again, and you never only have just one chance. Sure not getting the part you want is never and its okay to be sad about it, but sometimes someone else just fits the role better and theres not much that can really be done there. Id like to hope that everyone auditioning goes into it w an open mindset and will take whatever part they get w grace and treat casting like they would casting in a more traditional production (<- is a person who hasnt been active in online musical spaces in a few years. Take my words w a grain of salt i might not know what im talking about here)

If it does genuinely end up being a big issue though, maybe we could do smth w a cast a and a cast b ??? So that way more people get a chance to play a major character. It would be a lot more work as far as audio editing goes, but if theres enough of a want for it a second cast isnt impossible or anything. Itd honestly just take a bit more time to get out

As far as copyright goes thats! Iffier. Its weird and its wonky and itd be a bit of a pain but there are ways to deal w it

The easiest and simplest option is to only have the final version available to those who worked on it directly. No promotion, no making it public, just a fun thing for everyone who worked on it (and maybe their friends), and thats it. Itd be unfortunate to make a project like this so limited, but its the legal option that requires the least amount of effort 😔✌️

The other option would be to obtain the rights to put on the musical. I was curious about how much it would cost and after finding the copyright holders and filling out their mock form, it would come out to about 275 USD ????? Which is a lot! Thats a lot of money to pay out of pocket for a project that likely wont be monetized at all!

But, having said that, 275 starts to feel a lot smaller when you take into consideration how many people are interested in taking part. I think you mentioned about 30 or so people filling out the form??? If those 30 people individually contributed 10 USD (which is smth ive actually seen mandatory for a lot of non profit theatre companies and school shows) we would have some money left over even

275 is really only a lot if its just one person paying for it. I do 100% realize that having a cost would probably change this project a bit just by nature of real life money being involved, but i do still want to point out that its an option if youre willing to take it. Also i want to mention that the mock form said real prices might not be reflected. They didnt have an option for digital shows for where itd be put on, so if location impacts it at all 275 probably wont be the final cost 💔💔 (id like to hope the final cost would be lower though since it does assume the show in question is a more traditional in person show :') )

Also actually now that im thinking about it theres a secret third option which would be to combine the two???? Start out w it being just for everyone who worked on it but then put out a little interest check and fundraiser to see how many people would be interested in buying it. Kinda like what some physical print zines do but just w a musical instead! It would require putting a paywall on the final show which would also be kinda super unfortunate and a massive shame, but if enough people are interested its another way to deal w the licensing fees. Also if the project gets more money than the licensing costs maybe the leftovers could be donated or smth. Idk

Copyright is to me a much bigger issue than casting drama could ever be just bc of the legal issues it could bring up, but there are still definitely definitely ways to get around and deal w them ( ^^)b

(Btw @ the anon who kinda got me thinking about this and led me to send an ask in response, this is nothing against you !! I genuinely think bringing up copyright and potential dramas is a good thing to do especially so early on into a project like this. And running into copyright issues specifically could kill this project faster than anything else could tysm for bring that up genuinely :')

Also op sorry for such a long ask orz )

yeah casting will definitely raise some issues but there are after all only 8 major roles, you said it better than i ever will sjdjgkl also this is literally my first online musical space i got into bmc in like MARCH what am i doing

i actually have been thinking about doing an act 1 cast and an act 2 cast, but thats gonna raise the issue of finding two people with similar voices for one character so its not too jarring. we could totally do it but thats just more work for the casting people i feel. i mean if theyre up for it we could, again we'll just wait and see. there probably would be understudies too, and ive been thinking about having multiple voices for small sections of people who were squipped, like rich in the squip song, or jenna and christine in pitiful children/the play, even the creepy stock guy. there will be one "main" actor but maybe understudies will do underlying voices. will be a little more work for the editors so again we'll see

COPYRIGHT here we go. i really dont want to limit this project so the only option would be to pay. i did a tiny bit of googling and "Section 107 of the Copyright Act provides the statutory framework for determining whether something is a fair use and identifies certain types of uses—such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research—as examples of activities that may qualify as fair use." now if we were doing like one song then that would be fine, but we're attempting to remake the WHOLE THING, so i really think we might have to buy the rights which hm. wow.

i dont know if people are willing to pay 275 dollars for something that might not even succeed, so i think if we go through with this then we work on it first and see our progress. if it looks like we might succeed in actually doing the whole thing then we'll set up a thing for people to donate. to my understanding as long as we buy the rights we can release it to the public?? so as long as we get the 275 dollars we can release it, so it wont be only limited to the people who paid. but if we dont get enough then idk what to do with the money. maybe donate it or just wait until we hit 275. or we set a price and give it to the people who paid, sorta like a vip subscription or something

i actually have SIXTY RESPONSES as of now and its been at 60 for a while so if everyone gives 5 usd then we would have more than enough. ofc not everyone would be willing to pay tho so its really a gamble. i checked out the mock form too and are we even able to buy them if we're producing it digitally?? all that about ticket fees and average attendance if we cant even get the rights then theres no way we can release it to the public

im ngl i dont think i can do the actual licensing so we might need someone to handle finances specifically. also im not even a legal adult i really dont know if i should 💀💀 we gotta find someone responsible

YES everybody say thank you to anon for bringing problems up it would be bad if everyone got hyped only to realize we cant even do it

#bmcblr remake #and we REALLY need to prepare ourselves for not being able to do it at all #cause im like genuinely concerned we cant get the rights #if thats the mock form then the official form would most likely be the same right #we dont even have a location are we even allowed to buy them #unless we use danis connections and message joe iconis himself #idk how involved he would be but i think hes probably be pretty involved in licensing right #we're talking about LEGAL stuff and MONEY now this all started from a shower thought how did we get here #dont apologize for long asks!! they force me to think about problems i need to deal with earlier lmao #bmc #be more chill #be more chill musical #bmc musical

[skunkes]

u are braver than me for making it to 25 without going crazy in one tiny place.. i just turned 20 and i’m already leaving

who says i havent been going crazy 😏

#LOL but in all seriousness idk like...hm. #i feel very different from all my friends in that theyre actually Driven to do stuff and have goals and such #as much as i cant stand living here its also been like. idk. both situations are lose lose #like either stay here with parents and rot but dont have to pay rent or work myself to death just to live away from em at #some random job (bc thats all im ever gonna get bc i dont have a useful degree) #i am suffering but idk. idk. idk! im trying to work toward something now #anonymous #skunk mail #if id been able to leave sooner i would have but i didnt even start making any tangible money from comms until a year ago #like. my car was. a little less than a years worth of work....lol

[inniave]

every once in awhile i have a flashback so bad it triggers a seizure & nobody really knows why

#i am so fucking tired #and so fucking done #i would rather die than go in tomorrow but that's not an option anymore so fuck #the flashbacks have been constant for as long as i can remember but it's been awhile since they've been at this intensity for this long #i used to think i didn't have ptsd because i didn't have flashbacks until i learned that always feeling like it's happening again is indeed #a flashback #it's just not so isolated for me #so i'm like??? i should be able to deal with this. i'm used to it. pretty much every second of every day my body feels like i'm being #raped and tortured and beat and literally getting drilled in the bone i should be used to this #but it's so much it's so heavy there's no way out i cant do it #but i have to there's no other option except not get surgery which is not really an option :/ #cause the pain from the bone is right where their cocks were 🙃 so that's been it's own special form of hell #and now i have to let someone cut me open there 🙃 and i cant be under general anesthesia 🙃 #oh yeah and ITS EXAFTLY FUCKING LIKE THAT DOCTOR THAT ASSAULTED ME WHEN I WAS A FUCKING TODDLER COMING OUT OF SURGERY #fuck dude #sometimes i think maybe if it only happened once i'd be okay #ive lost track but i think we're up in triple digits at this point :/ #not including the constant stuff in childhood #fuck no wonder i kept trying to kill myself jesus fucking christ #i'm so fucking scared #i'm so ready for all this to be over #it's been years of pain and this whole last month where it's become much more acute and all this visits and i cant take any more #we are at Capacity #we're splitting like hell already #fucking entire new subsystems fuck #fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ricketybonesandricketyhands]

self care is going thru the mcr5 tag and blocking everyone whos spam tagging. to be clear i do this for practical reasons, not out of spite. however when i go through the coquette tags and block everyone whos spam tagging (all of them) that's a little treat just for me. and it is out of spite a little bit. i cant lie.

#do i ever go in those tags otherwise ? no #is it still nice to have those people blocked ? yes #did i used to be super autistic abt matd and now im kind of bitter that i cant go for the occasional nostalgia jaunt through her tag... #....without being beset by Demons (incredibly unrelated posts) ? yes. #for the mcr5 tag my main motivation is i want to be able to do a lil tinfoil hatting. for my agonies. and not just see unrelated mcr posts #ceci says stuff