#and i just couldnt keep it together

[twowivestwoknives]

well i made it to the medical appointment, got all the way to the procedure room, had a panic attack and couldnt go thru with it

#i can FEEL needles inside me #instant overstim panic attack overwhelm #and the procedure is 5min of 3 diff needles In My Shoulder #and i just couldnt keep it together #but if i dont do this we dont know if i need surgery #i feel like such a fucking pussy #idk why i feel so bad #i keep fighting hard to get my body taken care of #and this is a Part of That #but i just cant fucking do it #ffs i wanna die (not for serious just) #i have so much run off panic #im going home and eating leftovers and playing sims and going to bed early #and only wesring soft things #i feel like such a fucking child #im 27 and scared of /needles/ ??? #i broke my foot and didnt notice but NEEDLES #i hhave chronic pain at a 4-7 daily but NEEDLES #i find cuts and bruises cathartic but NEEDLES #who the fuck am i why am i lile this #life and times #medical t #needles t

[sidetongue]

this beautiful idiot went to live with someone else and honestly, both of our QOL are much better HAHA

#she just could not vibe with a house full of other animals #her anxiety manifested in insatiably eating everything #not just food #cardboard plastic you name it #i had to lock cupboards and put books on the bin so she couldnt open it and rummage through it #she screamed for food constantly #she innappropriately toileted constantly #to the point where i bought two automatic litter trays so they were always spotless in case that was the issue #she was medicated and given daily enrichment #but nope #anyway after over a year of kind of hating our life together #i bit the bullet and rehomed her #her food obsession has disappered and besides peeing on their bathmat once #she has used the litter tray without issue #we make a commitment to our pets yall #but do not force yourself to keep them if you are both miserable #i wish i was brave enough to have done this sooner #anyway #rehoming is not the devil #and you can do it responsibly #bye ferg i'm sorry to say i don't miss you #but i'm so glad you're finally happy #fergie #the cat edition

[urbanqhoul]

Oh... I think I might love Angel a lot

Angel perceives you

#wrw angel #oc angel #whimsy's rem world #thank you for liking my bbys~<333 #daily reminder that i wub all you guys and ya keep me inspired WOO #hAPPY VALENTINES DAY I COULDNT BE BOTHERED TO SCRAP SOMETHING TOGETHER FOR IT I GOT VID ART TO DO JUST IMAGINE THE BOIS SMOOCHING ANYWAY BY

[dailyriolu]

A silly guide on how I draw normal Riolu vs My sona

#Riolu #Doodle #The Mod #Do not use my sona thanks #Just wanted to give a silly doodle while I ramble #I admittedly made the last few daily pieces as basically a progression of my eyes for the last ~1.5 years #Keeping up with everything became harder because of my eyes #I only talked about this briefly on my main twitter #I was diagnosed with keratoconus #My eyes got worse over time #so I was squinting constantly and would get headaches trying to focus my eyes to draw or play half the games I did #it sucked. I slept a lot to get rid of pain and I felt like I couldnt do my normal work so it kept piling #I had surgery + got RGP Contacts to help me see normally this year tho! #So I can finally get my shit together and have been slowly trying to get everything going/sorted #Just to like... explain where I disappeared to #Ofc Its hard to do anything art or reading without my contacts in #tbh i didnt even know until December lol so it went for awhile and thought my prescription went from good to shit #so i took a minor break from social media to keep where my eyes used online to mainly discord

[twinkalicious]

no cause the fact that richter thought alucard was a myth is absolutely killing me. he grew up hearing stories of his ancestors' heroism, but for some reason a central figure of those stories was merely a legend to him, an immortal fantasy creature who he never got to meet. honestly i'm willing to bet his own mother and grandfather and any other belmonts before them didn't either. they only told the stories of defeating dracula as their parents did before them, thinking them dramatized and never literal. it became a game of telephone, with each person doubting the existence of a friendly dhampir ally more and more because alucard wasn't there to corroborate it. alucard separated himself from the belmonts at some point. he wasn't there to see trevor and sypha's lineage despite the fact that they merged their houses and literally founded a city together. speculating the when and why is going to drive me absolutely insane, you don't understand.

#i like to think he got sick of watching them all grow old and die #like maybe after he watches trevor and sypha's babies and grandbabies die he says ok i cant keep doing this #dozens and dozens of mortals who all have trevors humor and syphas whit and their eyes and their hair and their faces all bleeding together #alucard probably left after the first few generations because he knew he couldnt keep doing it over and over again #he couldnt lose them time and time again #the fact that richter has trevor's face and sypha's eyes is going to be a problem i think #trephacard #i am feeling angst in this chillis tonight they had BETTER EXPLAIN when and why alucard broke away from the belmont/belnades line #castlevania nocturne #AND ANOTHER THING #wonder if alucard will feel any misplaced guilt about not being there to protect the belmont descendants and their loved ones #god i hope im wrong and richter was just the outlier in not meeting the immortal family friend #also known as the belmonts' living family heirloom that i lowkey headcanon him as 😭

[scopophobia-polaris]

Arn seeing Timie on the street: aw what acute lil guy sure hope he isn't tormented!

Bro absolutely messed up, wanted to be a good boy and help someone because this mirrors shit that happened to him but instead found out that Timie is filled with 10thousand problems and somehow knows Arn to a weird degree withought ever really talking to him and he cant...figure out why..... can you really meet someone in a dream?

And now poor Arnold got a little guy that wants to cling onto him when they're sad

#Arn is gonna be a cuddle buddy if he keeps up with being nice to Timie by accident #Timie is like a hissing kitten in my opion all ready to rip your fingers off until you pet them once and now theyre your best friend please #hold me NYYYYAAAAAAAAAA NYAAAAA #i just think its gonna be funny writing Arn slowly pieceing shit together over time until its jusg oh mf youre the hero of time arent you #no WONDER youre so messed up #but for right now hes just super confused about what just happened he just hugged Timie becaue it seemed like the right thing to do #and now youre bound to this dude by invoking destiny maybe we were supposed to meet again insane ass you just became #inexplicably tied to this dude and you will die all through one thing thats manifested itself as a red string of fate around both of you #congrats arn your kindness has just doomed you down the path that all dudes in Hyrule take when they get to close to the hero #(REDACTED) oh right wait thats massive plot shit thats something i dont wanna reveal #ITS NOT DEATH IT REALLY ISNT I AINT GONNA KILL HIM like forreal i killed arn once never again but its gonna be so silly goofy what his ass #just got tied up in all from just trying to help #maybe you shouldnt of been their canon event in the adult timeline being the one person they couldnt save but fucked up

[blorbologist]

Yknow, it occurs to me that Liam tying two characters to Keyleth (Derrig and Orym) and one to Vax (Lieve'tal) is probably his way of continuing the connection to both he likely would have had if Vax lived.

(Hear me out, idk how coherent this is)

Whenever Tal or Laura get nostalgic for their clever pair, they can easily jump into discussions of their post-Campaign lives. Five whole kids! The clock tower, Whitestone, Cass, Trinket's cub - they have so much they can think about or discuss. And if they like the ideas enough, it just takes a quick heads up to Matt for it to be canon.

It's the same for Grog, Pike, Scanlan and Keyleth of course - all these characters can be revisited and continue to leave an impact on the world.

Except Marisha doesn't really have a partner to bounce Keyleth nostalgia and post-Campaign ideas off of, anymore. Percy is still her best friend, but he’s likely busy with his family. She could probably rope Matt in, especially after Vilya returns, but she just doesn't have as many juicy opportunities for post-Campaign chats as the others do. Because Vax is dead, so Keyleth doesn't get her happily ever after. She doesn't get those milestones. By virtue of her station and Vax's death, Keyleth's only post-canon milestone so far (bear with me) is her mother coming back to her.

This is where Liam comes in, with two characters that give Keyleth and her people more spotlight. This is Derrig, he's Keyleth's body guard - how does she feel about that? Why does she need body guards? Might they become friends? Derrig is the first opportunity to give Keyleth a character to bounce off of and give her opportunities for things to happen in her life, to keep things moving and open room for Marisha to talk about her beloved character. Lieve'tal is a little opportunity for Keyleth to process her feelings about the Raven Queen and Vax (though not nearly as big a thing as the other two characters).

Orym takes this up another notch - his backstory directly requires an upset to Keyleth's day to day, an event that Marisha and Keyleth surely have thoughts on. There's a need to know what Zephrah is like, today, because Orym is from there. Zephrah has to have things going on, it can't be left stagnant. (Not that Matt would ever do that - I am just highlighting the kindness offered)

If Vax had lived, Marisha could have bounced so many ideas off of Liam (and Matt ofc) when she missed Keyleth, to keep her story going. And Liam's characters, in a way, still allow love and time to touch Zephrah - not in the way Vax would have, but enough to give Keyleth flickers of spotlight here and there.

I just think it's a sweet choice, and a testament to their good friendship - to build your characters with a friend's in mind, so the world does not forget her, so she continues to live in both your minds.

#critical role #cr c1 #keyleth #cr vax #vax'ildan #vaxleth #orym of the air ashari #cr orym #cr derrig #idk how much sense this makes? i just. 'okay so our characters couldnt build a future together? im offering these as pieces of your future #to make it more whole. they wont replace him - but I hope they help keep her alive' #and ofc kudos to Matt to bringing Vylia back - its a similar tender gesture to Marisha and her character #cr meta #critical role meta

[dayurno]

i need my kevjean freaky and weird and obsessive and worrying to the general public

abso-fucking-lutely i need it to be oppressive to be around them. i need it to be a breathing living thing you can feel if you step into their orbit. like it HAS to be bad and it HAS to be awkward and you HAVE to feel like you're intruding on something even if you've known them for years. i need kevjean to be something the trojans do a wellness check on jean for. i need kevjean to feel like a karmic debt they will have to keep paying for the rest of their lives. you know? it has to be weird. it HAS to be weird

anyway to me they are like this and they wouldnt even have to have fucked to know it

#you know what my ideal kevjean situation is? ill tell you what my ideal kevjean situation is #they have not fucked in the nest. it didnt even cross their minds. it was so strictly forbidden it couldnt be anything but a fantasy. But. #but. they have several moments. where they are alone. or close to it. and they are standing there #and they might even get really close. and it might be just like they roughhoused as kids. or played together in court #but there is a very Real Conscience that they both would like to ruin this very much #i think they wouldve had maybe a peck along the run or a single kiss thats poised out of pity / because jean is desperate to be seen as a #person #and it might even start small and frigid and for a single purpose only. But. #and that but i think really fucks them up for a lifetime #its like accidentally stumbling onto the best thing in the world and not getting to keep it #kevjean physical chemistry goes CRAZY kevjean intellectual chemistry goes CRAZY kevjean emotional chemistry ... !! <3 goes insane #alexa play good in bed by dua lipa #i dont care if its toxic im fine with it theyll grow out of it eventually #<- and i really do mean it. i think they will be much better and sober after the nest #and all those moments in it will feel like a guilty pleasure #but guilty pleasure is still pleasure. amen #asks #kevjean

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

am sick so if you'd like to speak some suitehearts/killjoys thoughts to me i would love to hear them :P

im sorry ur not feeling well :(( heres a (too goddamn long sorry) summary of all the suitehearts Thoughts i was struck with in latin earlier to hopefully make you feel a bit better <33

so first i was just thinking abt Benz and how hed get roped into the show via threats from bli and then i was like ohhh okay what if they offer him a lab space/equipment to do whatever experiments/research he wants if they agree to being on the show. bc like at this point its abundantly clear that hes not gonna work for them by making new drugs as originally planned but they dont want to risk losing his potential (and they wanna show that theyre still fucking in control) so they make them this "deal" (which theyve really got no other option to take if they dont wanna die) and he gets this lab and figures he can find a way of counteracting blis bullshit sort of in secret bc he knows hes never gonna be able to get this equipment anywhere else

AND THEN i started thinking abt how this would effect his relationship with everyone else on the show (namely Sandman and Donnie bc Crab atp basically just exists off set in a drugged up haze) and i started thinking that maybe thered be some tension there bc the others are either poor or poor AND heavily demoted from past positions of power, and they look at Benz with his higher education and seemingly wealthy lifestyle and they think hes an enthusiastic participant in the system thats fucked them both over. so maybe theyre both kinda dicks to them off set but im thinking Benz doesn't really care bc he doesnt hang around much anyways if they arent filming- hes gotta spend every possible second in the lab yk? and then i started thinking about what might push them all to really talk and become friends which led to THE fucking idea ever

so one day Sandy and Donnie are looking for Benz in his dressing room bc they were supposed to start filming like fifteen fucking minutes ago god Benz this isnt just your show stop being so fucking selfish and come do your job- but they stop as just outside the door as they very clearly hear Benz arguing with someone important and they're saying something about a deal? and Benz sounds pissed saying this wasnt in the agreement and they said he could research whatever he wanted and they cant just do this- if they take this from him hes done. he's walking. they already took everything else from him so if they dont let him have this then hes off the fucking show and they can just try and catch him when he runs. and Whoever theyre talking to is just like "lolz okay well if you're leaving guess were gonna have to recast everyone for 'consistency' so i guess all the others have no reason to be kept around anymore-" and its like. a VERY clear threat on the rest of the Suitehearts' lives and Benz fucking freaks out. he backtracks immediately apologizes for speaking out says they can take his research he doesnt care jesus just dont bring them into this they didnt even do anything

so then Sandy and Donnie are like "ohhh What The Fuck :D" and they kinda feel like assholes for making assumptions bc clearly this isnt the first time Benz has been threatened (and its very much implied that blis gone through with last threats when he wasnt compliant) and theyve both already had their own shit building up and their hatred for bli was already basically at the tipping point already so yeah. they confront Benz and Benz tells him that theyd been trying to develop a sort of blocker for bli's pills. something people in the city can take to negate their effects. he didnt even know if it was possible or if he was on the right track with his research but apparently bes gotten close enough to something for bli to have to step in now. and the other two are obviously like ?????? WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU LITERALLY INVENTED A WAY TO FREE PEOPLE FROM BLIS CONTROL WHAT THE SHIT WE HAVE TO HELP YOU SAVE THAT SHIT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

and Benz is all like "well technically idk if ive invented shit yet bc i haven't actually tested the drug on anyone" and the others are like "bet okay you need a test subject? lets yoink Crab". Benz is incredibly fucking against doing that bc Consent and Ethics. he lets it slip that he does have a stash of the drug already made and hidden in his apartment and hes just gonna test the shit on himself but Sandy and Donnie are noooot fucking having it bc "dude. you understand they arent gonna let you go after this right? even if they keep you alive, they are gonna start tightening the reigns and pumping you full of shit and then youre gonna be the one who needs the blockers" and yeah they really do have a point there so Benz agrees to join them on the escape plan theyve been devising (which side note. yeah those two were planning on running away together anyways but thats a different post probably-) and what follows is the most stressful fucking two weeks of all of their lives as they start discreetly gathering the shit theyll need to leave all while having to wrap filming this season and dealing with management watching their every fucking move and making vague ominous comments about "the future of their careers" AND theyre slipping Crab these new fucking pills and having to keep a close eye on them and keep them calm as theyre slowing coming out of their trance and realizing Oh Fuck Im In The City

and then like. it all comes to a head and they very publicly are chased by a bunch of crows in costume bc they end up having to fin in the middle of filming and i havent thought much abt this lart yet so yeah. thats what i spent all of latin thinking abt I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON KAZ <333

#asks #my headcanons #danger days #danger days headcanons #americas suitehearts #killjoy suitehearts #<gonna try use that tag to keep all my thoughts together :p #danger days the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #and yes this is literally the exact shit i said i wasnt gonna post abt and this is what im writing a fic on so spoilers ig but not really #BUT ITS NOT MY FAULT OKAY I NEED TO CHEER NY FRIEND UP AND I JUST STARTED TYPING AND COULDNT STOP #so enjoy all my Too Many words ig #my writing

[kisskissgotohell]

i read an opla zolu fanfic to do, like, a litmus test on whether or not i ship them (was previously undecided) and i came out of it with the honestly bizarre realization that id only actively consume zolu content if it was. unrequited. not as in "angsty misunderstanding before getting together" but like,, i can see zoro liking luffy but i genuinely cannot see them as a couple. never liked a ship dynamic like this before but theres a first time for everything ig

#im actually on the side of like. the entire crew (plus koby) having a crush on luffy in their own way #but the only fics that exist for opla so far are zolu and whatever luffy/koby's ship name is i think. so i couldnt keep testing like this #(also i can actually see luffy and koby together) #i totally agree re:everyone saying OPLA ZOLU EP!!! but i hadnt decided whether i thought luffy reciprocated or not and my answer is no ig #smth smth zoro just gets bowled over by luffy's everything as he goes around just Caring for everyone so much #and he and the other crewmates sit there and begrudgingly go #'so u have a crush on him too huh' #'IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS WITH YOU'

[good-beanswrites]

My Lyrics for Eve's Demon Dance Tokyo! This song jumped the line of wips, I immediately fell in love with it 😂 I'm really proud of these -- it worked out well and was a blast to sing :D (Lyrics under the cut and my rambly process commentary in the tags lol)

Ah, don't you miss the home from where you came?

So many memories, feel your mind FLY FAR AWAY.

Tread-tread-tread-tread memories in tow,

INSTANT-PARADISE TOKYO.

Humans with such strange STYLE, all confusing me to no end

Jealous of them; wanna join them;

Credentials and such be damned. JUST GIVE ME (a)

SUPERMODEL TO DATE, wouldn't that be lovely?

CAMERAs are my place to be.

STYLE won't you come to me.

Ah, my voice as well has BEAUTIFUL SOUNDS, I’M LOVING IT.

You and me set side by side, I'll face you if you'll risk it.

Now I'm starving! Carefully as possible,

I'll consume you! Thorn-covered and poison-full,

Eating until I feel fed. "I'll have one of each," I said.

Grow wild! The worst follows AFTER BAD.

We'll fall down! Crashing parties that they had.

Conversations charge ahead: the turning point OF THE DEAD.

Endlessly I'm feeling coerced into everything.

Thump, thump, my heart --

Knock, Knock, my heart unlocks, love thump thump thumping like an arrow that's notched.

That dress looks so nice, does it feel too tight?

Now, you lead the way, to each command I will agree.

Do you think he's cool? Do you think he's lame?

It's all the same, let's dance BARRIER FREE.

SHOWTIME starting now, you can't allow yourself to sway.

Shed your worries and their weight, flying fast and far away.

We, the ones the world will never hold in high esteem

Never need to offer flattery, all we do is dream.

Now I’m starving! Even more voraciously

I'll consume you! Opening my arms you'll see

No one can take you from me, you're mine for eternity

Grow wild! Drinking more than I enjoy

We'll fall down! Stumbling I feel destroyed, these city nights show me I'm

A disappearing BOY.

We, the ones the world will never know or write about,

Now, to vast Pacific waters you will hear us shout... (SHAKE'N)

Please, wait a moment, Beautiful. Where is your smile from before?

Are you so sure I can't see that face anymore?

A strong PRIME MINISTER for you is what I became.

I swear to God I'll protect the country called by your name.

If we're close to Hell, never say farewell, please keep your hand holding mine.

I want to dance with you forever, won't you look me in the eye.

Now I'm starving! As ashamed as possible,

I'll consume you! Thorn-covered and poison-full,

Eating until I feel fed. "I'll have one of each," I said.

Grow wild! Gimme an ADVENTURE

We'll fall down! Crashing parties that occur.

This sleepless night, it bores me. SPICE is what it needs.

Now I’m starving! Even more voraciously

I'll consume you! Opening my arms you'll see

No one can take you from me, you're mine for eternity

Grow wild! Drinking more than I enjoy

We'll fall down! Stumbling I feel destroyed, these city nights show me I'm

A disappearing BOY.

And I recorded a little draft! Now listen. I'm really bad at singing. My mic was being annoying. However, I always get frustrated when I can't tell how translyrics are supposed to sound, and wanted to put it all together. It's meant more as rhythm reference than a nice performance 😅

#eve #demon dance tokyo #lyrics #woooo ive been working really hard on these and its so nice to see it all come together :D #im really happy with them!! #i know thats not the recognizable thumbnail pic but i like that lil lady... dances i do while vibing to this song... #i was so excited how all the english words and repetition sections fit in! #i think the only change i made was singing 'some spice' because i didnt want to sound like i was mocking him - but i do love singing it #the way he does with like three syllables #the knock knock line gave me hell but i think it works alright 😂 i just couldnt grasp the rhythm #i had 'thorns are sharp' first but that was too much of a mouthful -- i think 'thorn-covered' feels easier to say #there was another translation i was looking at that compared that line to feeling like a party crasher and i really liked that image #i kinda wanted to keep it just 'im starving' because i hate random filler words but also the four syllables is so important to the original #once again these are open for anyone to use 👀👀👀 #pleeeaase dont make my ugly recording in vain -- id love to hear your take on it :3

[sntoot]

visiting the moon (getting rid of those ridiculous gloves)

#long hair emet selch finally makes an appearance #every time i draw him i swear it gets longer #i just couldnt stop myself this time #i dont 100% know what i want to do with hestia and the sundering but i know for certain they get more fucked up #best thought i have rn is they end up on the moon with the watcher bc of all the stasis magicks #keeping their soul together bc it was fractured just before the sundering #and the loophole that got the unsundered out was in part bc venat was still trying to save hestia #it was a whole big mess i think #my art tag #hestia/azem's tag #endwalker spoilers #ffxiv #emet selch

[pierogiinspace]

In one of the most recent teen talks in listeners’ questions someone asked the crew what part of the podcast they think about daily (or something like that)

And I am so sorry but only then I realized that I am basically thinking about Anthony’s tattoo everyday

The story

The drama

The reveal

#dungeons and daddies #dndaddies #dndads #it was literally the first episode I listened to after catching up #and I was coming back from a business trip and was in the car with two guys from a different office #and I just couldnt keep it straight #and then as soon as I saw my bf I had to play it to him and we just listened together to the story of Anthonys tattoo #original post

[spitblaze]

what if my Void and @doktorpeace's Erato had spiderverse counterparts....and they were both spidermen.......and they kissed.........

#spitblaze says things #wip #ocs #void #masks #uh. lol this is what i was saying before #might have to buff les's design out a bit #but i think les's backstory is 'bit by the spider at a young age and it just didnt do anything for a long time' #'until the Inciting Incident where he got sucked into a black hole from a faulty particle accelerator' #'and instead of getting all Spots about it the spider powers managed to save him' #cause in his NORMAL story hes got like. sort of a metahuman autoimmune disease? #he already had a latent metatrait in a healing factor but once that got mixed with the weirdness of the black hole stuff it just became #les's atoms tearing each other apart and pulling themselves back together constantly and it hurt SO BAD all the time #i could go on a rant. the point is that in this case whats keeping him together isnt a healing factor but the latent spider powers #does he even need the web if he can just fall at terminal velocity in any direction to 'fly'? #no but hes also a weeb nerd who couldnt lift his way out of a paper bag #so like. probably for the best for him to develop a bit of muscle mass #anyway erato (spidrato)'s deal is that they're an artificial spiderman #i mean. obviously. robot. but like specifically made by the Spiderverse HQ #for the purposes of. idk. subduing rogue spidermen or something #either way their project was scrapped until Viceroy reactivated them and gave them purpose #anyway thats all i really have for them so far lmao this is way too many tags

[welcometoteyvat]

ykw ga-mings stories still make me emo i really need one of those good old character study comics rn

#i also need chapter 2 of the one fic with him and xiao together asap. something something loneliness idk #i couldnt tell you why i just think their dynamic would be neat and must be explored #like . i dont think x.iao would understand the complicated relationship that is parents and their children #or perhaps why it weighs on gaming even now #i dont think x has deep deep regrets about what hes done in the past #like moving past the killing and dead comrades and the baggage that comes with that #i dont think x has a lot of existing relationships that could be repaired by emotion and communication #like the awkwardness and occasional flood of emotions that comes with being estranged from what used to be possibly your entire world #but hed 100% try to understand in his own way #or if not be one of those mentors who . keeps you busy to take your mind off things #and idk. repression. i can't imagine him any other way besides how that fic (solitude was your oldest friend by sicker) had him act #like strict; rather demanding; but also sosososo caring. #oops posted too early check back on this post in 30 min

[jabberwockprince]

seeing friend groups die slowly is always such an experience cause its like. wow. ive been here since day 1 clawing at everyone's doors for attention and to hang out and to keep everyones schedules in mind and to be as inclusive as possible so we can all hang out

only to be met with the most increasingly dismissive, lukewarm response. and now that i no longer do that, yall would rlly prefer to let the whole friendship die slowly than ping your own fucking friends once or twice to hang out. you'd think years of friendships would do smth to yknow. bypass that anxiety of pinging ppl. bc youve known them for so long, or to be considerate and keep them in mind and remember things about them. yknow. treat them like fucking friends instead of walls that you can talk at abt your fucking interests, but i guess i wasnt that fucking relevant nor important each and every fucking time and these friends would rlly prefer to drift away than risk being vulnerable for 5 seconds

#it wasnt enough for it to happen once #it had to happen a second time #and a third one #and a fourth one #in the same fucking span of time #im just rlly tired im super tired #bc all of this keeps reinforcing this awful thought in my head #that im always going to be too much for everyone #and i'll either have to tone it down for ppl to give a shit #or just be eternally lonely over it #bc no one gives enough of a shit to reach out to me bc Prince Is Always Gonna Be There! #stop. taking me for granted please. im tired of being your extrovert friend to pass on the burdens of social interaction #i keep making a fucking fool of myself to get friendgroups to stay together #but you guys couldnt even ping me to hang out. yall would rather wait. and wait. for me to take that first step #bc god fucking forbid this friendship is a two-way thing