#and i dont like being that close to strangers

[cepheusgalaxy]

Ok Google. How. The. F.UCK Do. You. Get. Gender. E-U-P-H-O-R-I-A.

#swearing #vent #at this point im just straight up upset #people correct themselves around me #i just feel uncomfortable for some reason #i don't feel quite myself #i dont like going out for this reason #either people misgender me and i feel bad #coz everybody sees me as a bloody girl #or they try to gender me right and i feel so bad for some reason #my mom dragged me to a dancing class #a very light and short one #so i wore my binder for the first time #and i was a little 'awn' cuz it wasnt' working like #at all #and then it was a couple's dance #and i dont like being that close to strangers #so i danced with my brother (that part was fun tho) #and on our way home she kept trying to convince me to do the classes again and sign me up even though i had clearly said i didn't want to. #now im home and today i just wasnt feeling it my hair wasnt nice i didnt have nice clothes on nor did prepare myself to go to the damn clas #now i just feel bad

[afewproblems]

Give me Steve, Eddie, and Robin at a bar on a Friday night.

They've had a few drinks, and a shot or two when a song comes on, and Steve immediately jumps to his feet with an, "Oh shit!!"

It's Madonna's Get Into the Groove and for a moment Robin and Eddie think Steve is in pain, that he hates the song as is going to ask the DJ to change it.

Except Steve waltzes onto the dance floor, right into the center.

There aren't too many others dancing, it's early still, barely nine in the evening but the spot lights are on and the DJ flicks on the multicolor strobe as Steve parks himself on the dance floor.

Robin laughs and wishes she had brought the disposable camera instead of leaving it in her junk drawer at home.

Eddie meanwhile rolls his eyes, and pretends not to notice the tightness of Steve's jeans or how the light catches the flecks of gold in his hair and eyes.

He's been attempting to hide his pathetic little crush for awhile now, complaining to Robin every chance he gets when Steve does something particularly charming or handsome.

She tells him, as sagely as she can muster, to grow a pair and do something about it already.

But how can he, Steve was, well, Steve...lovely caring, hot as hell, Steve.

What chance did Eddie have?

So he sits there, miserable, nursing his beer, letting his eyes trail after Steve while Robin giggles beside him.

They've never seen him dance, it's bar, they're drunk, the worst that could happen is he makes an ass out of himself and they all go home with a great new story to tell the party later.

God Robin really wishes she brought her camera with her.

But then Steve is moving and he's fluid, never missing a beat. It's some kind of choreography, intentional and practiced movements that wouldn't be out of place in a music video. Eddie and Robin look at each other because, what the fuck, where did this come from??

And people are cheering and whooping, strangers scattered here and there sitting off of the dance floor. There's a sense of comradery, like they're all witness to something and being allowed to share and indulge in this little impromptu performance, but all too soon the song is over and Steve heads back to his seat with a small round of applause and a blinding smile pulling at his flushed cheeks.

"Steve, what the fuck was that??" Robin blurts out before Steve can even sit. Eddie nods, a little dazed, beside her and tears at the paper label on his beer bottle, maybe if he can keep his hands occupied he can keep them to himself.

"What was what?" Steve breathes out as he hops onto the stool beside them, Robin in the middle.

Robin's mouth falls open as her face scrunches into something exasperated but fond, "What was--that! The dancing!"

"Oh, that," Steve huffs with a lazy smile, he leans his elbow on the sticky wood bar and waves at the bartender to signal for another gin and tonic, "I used to help Carol with her choreography for cheer".

Eddie pinches his thigh below the bartop and chews the inside of his cheek as the image of Steve in the Hawkins High cheer uniform begins to solidify in his minds eye, fuck.

Robin elbows Eddie without looking, somehow reading his mind, and throws her hands out, beckoning Steve to continue because that isn't nearly enough information.

"Yeah, she'd come up with routines and you know, they are meant to be done with more than one person, and I mean she and I were friends before Tommy so," he shrugs and smiles at the bartender as they pass him the drink, "I dunno, it was fun, and I remember that one the most".

"Plus," he says with a smirk, "Carol always said the best thing about dance is that you can tell who appreciates the performance and who appreciates the person doing it," he winks as Robin scoffs and calls him gross, but Steve isn't looking at Robin.

Eddie swallows as molten heat creeps up his neck and over his ears, the urge to hide his face, run for the door, melt into the floor, is immense.

But Steve doesn't move his gaze, he smiles softly at Eddie and winks again over Robin's head which she promptly drops into her hands.

"I'm surrounded by horny idiots," she grumbles but the words are muffled in the din of the bar and her own hands as Steve tips his head back to the dance floor and holds out his hand for Eddie to take.

#im pretending this song came out in 1981 or 82 when they were still friends #dont come for me #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steve x eddie #robin is fed up with all this pining #i 100% want steve and carol to be the childhood besties #tommy came after and he and steve were good friends but maybe tommy is the reason why they stopped being so close #i just like the idea of steve and carol doing fun silly things like this #steve and eddie absolutely go home together after this #they have a short talk and then a long night #and then a longer talk in the morning

[cathalbravecog]

veep dad comfort art

#veep dad :] #i have Not been well mentally tbh the second im with friends i DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE anyways ill be VENTING A TINY BIT HERE #i need excitement in my life but im like #has no social life #oopsies...! #so i thought yknow what would make me happy rn. My Veep Dad #yea thats it #also ive been struggling with motivations to play ttcc and draw so.... #apologies for being in the game less. especially as im in the post game with almost everything done #im usually kinda really goal oriented in games and yeah having no tasks or close friends to play with #im just kinda THERE and getting that initial push to do stuff is very hard #my motivation has just been at an all time zero (again) and it upsets me bc i do wanna do stuff...not bc ohh productivity but bc #i just wanna HAVE FUNNNN #anyways erm.... thanks for listening to my little rant here again. i dont know where else to express this sort of stuff. feels wrong to dum #it on strangers who i know are there for my art but. whatever. yknow #just wish i was more motivated in general but my life is Just Kinda Sad and im an Antisocial Anxious Wreck Dear Cog #senior vice president #sr vp #veep dad #personal tag if i dont wanna main tag.... #doodles #traditional art #guz art #toontown

[that0nebird]

It hurts me internally that I can't bring up how much I like (most of) the elder scrolls series because ik people will automatically think I mean just skyrim. And then I have to be like N O I actually was never really interested in skryim and instead spent my days playing this beautiful monstrosity

#the side quests in oblivion? unmatched #obligitary morrowind mention too because i feel like yall also dont get enough love #shout out to my boy horse armor dlc #elder scrolls #elder scrols online #oblivon #morrowind #idk why its just so much more fun to explore in oblivion than in skyrim #also the thank you kind stranger voice line???? g o d t i e r nothing has ever come close to being as perfect as it

[inthewychelm]

wait, has anyone done eddie leaving hawkins after the events of season4, be it government pressure or just hightails it bc fuck hawkins, but like instead of going to the city(chicago or indianapolis) or out west to make it big, no he goes south, back to tennessee, he ends up making the right connections with producers and such and eventually makes it big as a musician/songwriter except the party never finds out because he's working under a pseudonym And in a totally different genre (im learning towards folk/bluegrass)

anyway this specific blorbo thought was brought to you by "who will sing for me" by the stanley brothers playing at work a lot recently

#and of course we have to have eventual steddie bc its my brain and i say so #and also im a sucker for steve reconnecting with eddie after being separated from the party #so like maybe a couple years down the line steve runs into a familiar man in the city that he maybe chases down bc theres no way #but it is eddie and they catch up and eddie confesses that he's been in the music bizz for afew years and steve asks how havent they notice #before? bc yeah the og party got into metal while in high school and maybe steve indulged dustins interest more after that spring bc part o #him was searching for eddie in the songs to get to know the man he gotten close to in a week then lost so suddenly #and maybe a small hopeful part of steve searched the metal scene bc he hoped that eddie had survived and been whisked away like hopper #so imagine his surprise to learn that not only was he right but also munson is now a country musician??? #umm im sure this could be something but im not super into rockstar/fame aus so i dont plan on writing an actual fic #but this is definitely not inspired by having to listen to country/folk songs at work that spark blorbo thoughts #stranger things brainrot #steddie songs #<im tagging that bc i unforunately forsee myself posting more music based rambles #steddie ficlet #<in the tags at least

[chirpsythismorning]

What do you think about the possibility of El and Will not being exactly twins but half siblings? Maybe Lonnie was in the MK Ultra project for money and had an affair with Terry Ivis, so El was born. His sperm was affected, and Lonnie had another child with Joyce, who was born with repressed/hidden powers (I'm considering Jonathan was already born when Lonnie's balls were chernobyl'd). Then Lonnie took Will to the Lab a feel times for test, but they concluded he was born powerless, because he appeared to be a normal kid.

Upon coming across twelvegate, I did initially go down this rabbit hole! I made a shit-post about the possibility of Lonnie being both Will and El's dad, but more recently I've expanded on that evidence in an ask, discussing why I basically don't think that is the case anymore.

The main thing that makes me so confident about this, is that I'm certain Terry isn't El's 'mama'. Like pretty much 100% certain.

There are a few posts where I discuss this (here, here, here) so definitely check those out if you want a deep dive to better understand where I'm coming from with that claim.

To be fair, I did not subscribe to this up until recently. It was as if my brain blocked me from even merely considering the possibility that Terry isn’t El's mom because of how tragic her whole situation was. And so it felt almost insensitive to even speculate, I guess?

But as of now, after actually going back and watching her scenes for myself, as well as flashbacks featuring her that resurface in future seasons, I think that if anything Lonnie is a roadblock to the truth, in the same sense that Terry is. Because the evidence that Terry isn't El's mom is too alarming to ignore. Like, once you see it, it becomes very obvious they've always been trying to hint this to us, as subtly as possible, and they did it successfully bc it went over everyone's heads.

And so since Terry isn't El's mom, and there are certain details tying Terry to having some sort of connection to Brenner (ie Papa/Mama, Bonsai trees, Hopper's line about Terry's 'relationship' with Brenner), then it's very likely that, in the original timeline/universe or whatever we want to call it, Terry could have worked closely with the lab in some capacity, though ended up supporting Joyce’s claims over allegations about the lab and experimentation, ie. the article at the end of s1 including Joyce/Terry's testimonies. And so she was basically a confidant to them who went against the lab and was lobotomized for it and placed in a scenario that blocked out the truth very conveniently for them, while also essentially punishing her.

And when it comes to Lonnie... That is where it gets very complicated. Because I think it's likely that in the OG timeline, Lonnie was not the greatest guy. I think there was a lot of scary subtext surrounding him harming Will in s1 and it's possible that this dude has been given the role of their father in this timeline, which in the original timeline he is not. He's essentially Stranger Things' very own Biff.

This does make me very intrigued about what is going to be revealed in 'The First Shadow' play coming soon. We're said to get the backstory for not only Joyce and Hopper but also Lonnie and Bob (and Henry) apparently, so that is making for some interesting potential Back to the Future parallels from Marty’s parents’ 1955 timeline vs Willel’s parents’ 1959 timeline. Also the synopsis being young Joyce Maldonado and Jim Hopper dealing with the shadows of the past...

Arguably, it is crunch time. We're approaching the final season and this is a revelation that a lot of the audience are probably not going to be ready for, despite a lot of the hints in the details. I presume they wont have much time in s5 to rehash the mysteries of the past, beyond glossing it over, and so this was honestly a perfect way for them to go back and give context for what is to come in a really unique way that is canon, but without having to cram too much into s5 like they had to for s4.

I do think that Lonnie is very likely to return in s5. Though he referred to Hawkins at its most tame as a hell hole, so idk if he would be running back there during an apocalypse, seeing as everyone else seems to be trying to get out ASAP. It is possible though, and yet I just really don't think his arc is about this series long secret that he is both El and Will's father. If anything I think the revelation is much darker in relation to what truly happened to him and El, possibly in relation to the lab, as he could indeed have been an MKUltra volunteer like you said. It could also help to go read up on some of the cases/allegations put against MKUltra back in the day bc, though it is quite disturbing in parts, it could very well hold the answer to at least some secrets seeing as this is partially based on a real life program that did exist back in the day.

If Lonnie was their dad, I think he would have been a lot more prioritized in the overall story over the seasons, and yet they kind of introduced him in s1 with only a couple references to him in passing since then. If anything it's giving we do not want to give this character too much acknowledgement in the story.

I think a return for him would perhaps look like the storys way of revealing to us that he is not actually their father. Either via flashbacks to the og timeline or perhaps vecna visions at a point when we’re still assuming this is Will’s dad. I do think he very likely is connected to the darker secrets behind what really happened though, related to Will and El's original disappearances, leading up to them in the lab presumably.

I won't claim to understand the memory/time-loop nonsense, because I think that it could also have a lot to do with Will's powers related to time and therefore probability perhaps, which ties really well into the whole X-Men 134 reference. And yet, obviously, I feel like it's too much to try to be certain about which angle go at it, despite having a lot of the pieces to perhaps figure it out? Bc we can guess all day what Will's powers will look like, but we still don't really know for certain? And so going too far beyond that feels like too much guessing to me.

I will say that what makes me even more confident about this theory, even more than the Terry evidence, is just the heaps of evidence connecting Will and El from the very beginning, and how that also connects to Joyce and Hopper more often than not.

If you're open to looking at evidence related to the whole Joyce + Hopper = Willel twins + Jon ? gate (?), or even just how byler also fits into this, bc tbh a lot of the evidence connects, these are a few posts below that might peak your interest. And this isn’t even all of it.

This is the MAIN one so if you read any of them, read this (first and foremost)

Twelvegate Evidence going back to s1 and oh so many unanswered questions

Twelvegate Evidence going back to s1 + Willel Twins

Deer Imagery following The Hoppers/Byers Family

David Harbour cryptically changing his IG pfp to twins, multiple times before S4 dropped:

The fact that Star Wars' big plot twist was that Luke/Leia were twins... That the Duffers are twins... That Noah Schnapp is a twin... 'IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT (MIKE), THEY'RE IDENTICAL'...

El: Me? I'm twice as happy now *cut camera to estranged twin Will opening van door for him and El*

The Wright Bros

Parallels between El being confronted, with Will standing by frozen

"She missed her dad. We all do."

El and Will reuniting at Nina and the remaining timestamp is 12:00

"Mom!"

I will alway say that I am subject to be wrong. The only thing I'm very confident about now is that Terry isn't El's mom, and it just so happens that everything else sort of falls into place after that.

#byler #stranger things #twelvegate #willel twins #willel wondertwins #willel literal twins #joyce + hopper = willel twins + job #say it with me #lonnie is the biff of stranger things #hopper is the george mcfly #hopper starting the series on his couch with a focus on his pony tail bracelet and his wrist watch was a nod to will and el #along with the references to keys consistently connecting hopper and joyce being willel #its all connected #also if will is jesus #hopper is god? #i mean he is very much giving resurrection arc a lot... #also dont even get me started about how a lot of the side characters give off npc energy #constantly interrupting the characters before they're close to figuring shit out #it's weird #I do think that it's very likely Henry knows something about what the lab did not only to him but will and el #and perhaps he is not totally wrong for wanting justice bc the world is a disgusting place and he's giving will and el an out to join him #away from this horrible world #it really depends on how far they want to go and how dark #i do think that it could get very very dark #but the good news is that the really painful tragic events that are going to be unveiled #are going to make the happy ending that much more gratifying #like imagine having a whole fluff fic ending with a happy ending #like cool but honestly where is the build up and earning of that happy ending #you cant know joy unless you've known sorrow #shits gonna get real

[corrodedcoughin]

K I see you with Steve/Eddie being competitive and I wanna add to it… they’re competitive in everything… and I mean EVERYTHING. Personally I headcanon them both as switches which means everything includes what happens behind closed doors. Like Eddie pushes Steve against a wall? Eddie’s pinned instead in just a matter of seconds. Steve pushes Eddie onto the bed and gets on top of him? 30 seconds later they’ve switched. Competitive steddie does things to me I’m sorry.

I…am just going to leave this here…and if it inspires anyone to write..then…would be a shame…if they added it to this post…or tagged us in it…such a shame…

#PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEBODY WRITE IT IM BEGGING #BUGBOYANDTOMATOMAN MADE SOME POINTS THAT I NEED TO BE EXPANDED #at first it starts of as a joke just rough housing and being stupid #but then it gets to be its own thing #the tension between them builds from the play fights that they have been using to get close to each other #going from wrestling on the ground over who gets the last beer #to shoving each other up against walls and trying to get the upper hand #they both don’t know what they like more: being the one in control or losing what power they had #it’s a constant battle with panting and grunts and those noises don’t help matters #one day when they are smirking at each other pushing each other up the wall of the trailer #Steve leans in and kisses Eddie pulls back just a fraction to murmur onto his lips ‘I win’ #IM SORRY QUESTION ASKER I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING #stranger things #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #ask

[dayasan]

It kinda sucks how the majority of roleplays seem to be focussed on romance (information about which ?x? pairings they write/look for is the first thing people give) and as such 1 on 1 formats, when I've never roleplayed romance and thrive far more in group RPs

Feels like it makes it harder to look for stuff from people that are like... genuinely interested in writing and storytelling as communal artforms as opposed to people who just need to get their fix of ships and ERP

#of course you can write engaging and thoughtful romance based RPs #but 1. there is no dearth of romance in like any medium #2. how many RPers are looking to do that vs just wanting for consumption #i am by no means aromantic but ive never really understood looking for strangers to RP your characters being in love #i dont even do that with my close friends of several years #if i WERE to do that it would have to come about organically #well i guess its easier to filter this stuff if i steer clear of 1on1s anyways LOL #i should add theres nothing wrong with the consumption of romance and ERP. but its not interesting or engaging to me

[halfadoginatank]

Oh god do I have feelings about genderqueer stevie. Im also entirely aware that im projecting, because im a trans man who has a weird relationship with femininity. Just, I have so many feelings. I think she deserves to be pampered, and I just think that maybe she can find the peace in those good bits of being a woman that I could never feel.

I want Steph to know the joy of a woman sharing a hair tie because we just do that. I want steve to run around and ask for a tampon for Robin and have another woman go 'oh yeah here you go, do you need pads too?' I just, I want her to feel safe in the woman's bathroom at a club.

I just think that maybe they feels some way about wearing a dress on different days, that some days they're wearing this dress as a woman, and maybe tomorrow they will wear this dress as a man.

I just want him to have gender euphoria, not just of being a different one then he was assigned but also of his sex too.

That is to say, I want genderqueer Steve Harrington to experience what I can't yet.

#and probably because I have a Steph alter #and we go through dysphoria together #some days I help her some days she helps me #steve harrington #stobin #platonic stobin #stranger things #transfem steve harrington #genderqueer steve Harrington #gender #transgender #the mortifying ordeal of being known #what a best friend is willing to do for another #I've never had a best friend like robin #I dont think I ever will. I think my headmates are the only thing that can come close and so we work with that #did system #system

[orcelito]

Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,

I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.

#speculation nation #this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off. #to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one #but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time. #my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here. #the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years #my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most. #im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession. #it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous. #but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole. #maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth. #that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing. #idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death #to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole? #i dont fucking think so! #yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight #even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death #whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life. #it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!! #and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this #bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about. #but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger... #and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol #anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes. #but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen... #negative/ #i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.

[yourclownpal]

WAIT!

isnt dating just being super good friends with someone? like you such good friends that your in love like only the boundaries of the realationship change? right?? thats what dating is right?? why am i seeing stuff thats saying that isnt what dating is

#/gen im confused #isnt dating' strangers-friends-good friends- dating' ?? does dating and being friends really change feelings? like is dating stressfull #but being friends isnt #but how would that be possible if being friends and dating are basically the same thing #romantically? platonically? whata the difference?? #because i love my friends! and ive loved partners! is the feeling different? #i dont want to date some of my friends? im not super close to them? #but ive had crushes on people/gen #ive felt 'in love' #but i dont undertsand when people say the feelings are drastically different? #is it my autism or am i not actually panromantic????? #have i ever understood dating? #IM SO CONFUSED

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so my mom mentioned to my brother that i didnt have the best of times at pride the other day because like people were at least 2½hrs late so i was just kinda sat there alone for a long time.

and my brother has told me that next year, hell go to pride with me and hell get his best mate to go too, and is he trying to tell me something? are one of them, or both of them queer? or is it just aggressive allyship? i cannot tell.

#kai rambles #i appreciate the sentiment #because like the first 2 hours of waiting were Not Fun for me #because see i developed fainting attacks recently #they might be non-epileptic seizures we're not sure #but i was like its not gonna be a problem if i faint because we're having a picnic and watching the parade #and if the worst happens #itll be my friends around me to wait for me to wake up #so like you can imagine the terror i was feeling when i was there alone #like i have a card explaining everything that ill wear but i got that when i was staying at my moms 2 hours away #and it only has hers and my brothers numbers on it so not the most helpful and i dont have one for my friends #because like i need to have that conversation with them first #so i didnt even have the card with me #so if i fainted it would be strangers around whod probably be calling emergency services immediately when they dont need to #and i was so scared that it would happen that i moved from a bench to the floor because at least that way if i hit my head #less likely to have a second brain injury #i was texting my mom the whole time #and like i had a great time once my friends got there but most of the stalls were closed and wed basically missed everything #so not the best time #and i appreciate that my brother being like ''if they let you down again i'll- you know what? no matter what i'll go with you'' #its very sweet of him

[toytulini]

honestly sounds like an unwise choice of dog(young high energy likely due to breed temperament and lineage to to have a higher reactivity and distrust of strangers?) have in that environment and im glad hes apparently living with family friends now, hope that helps w the behavioral issues

#toy txt post #im shocked hes gotten 11 bites in tbh thats insane? if nothing else. it sounds like that environment was not great for him stresswise if hes #biting that often #i dont buy into that dogs always have good character judgement thing but i do think there is probably some overlap with #commanders vibe checking and the general temperament of your average secret service agent being a disasterous combo of #commander not digging their vibe and the energy they bring to interactions with him. ESPECIALLY now that he has such an extensive history of #bad interactions w agents that like. for sure affects how they approach interacting w him #and like. probably some overlap w the agents hes biting and the agents who might have some unhinged politics of their own #that doesnt mean hes Aware or that his general Judge Of Character should be taken at face value #hes just a breed that is gonna be be pretty distrustful of strangers who is constantly having strangers in his space #that are probably asserting themselves in his space and close to his ppl in ways he doesnt like but that is basically part of their job #which he doesnt understand that. all he sees is Some Random Guy with annoying vibes thats probably giving him sideeye and #exuding vibes of 'god i hope this stupid fucking dog that bites secret service agents doesnt bite me' and the dog that bites secret service #agents is like hey bro whats with the attitude. why are you so close to my ppl. why are you tensing up when im near you? are you gonna #go after me bro? not if i get you first. and the cycle continues. fuckin oof #11 times is insane but honestly. honestly. if i had a bunch of assholes following me around with a tense aggro energy and shit #i feel like moxie might start biting. shes not bitten anyone yet so far despite her high level of distrust towards strangers but like. #i think if their was someone with fuckin. Cop Vibes getting all up in the space of her people she might give it a go. idk #maybe not. shes mostly more confrontational towards other animals than to ppl. w ppl she cowers and trembles. but idk sometimes when we're #trying to convince her she doesnt need to have an anxiety attack about every new person she'll sometimes like sit on one of us and then get #a little growly when someone comes close not just cos shes scared but also cos shes being protective. but also its funny bc she is also like #trying to hide between our legs like a baby penguin. she is simultaneously trying to Protecc and Be Proteccted

[scoreplings]

i do feel like im too Weird And Fucked Up to be truly close with anyone and every relationship i have is pre-doomed —__— but i am at least stable enough that i also know i can handle having rocky/inconsistent relationships and still be okay 👍

#this post brought to you by three of my close friends lying to me & having a party in my house without me while i was visiting my boyfriend #and now avoiding me and not speaking to me #‘close friends’ EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER. #i need 2 stop doing that they stopped treating me like a friend awhile back i need to stop assuming we are still bffs until they explicitly #tell me otherwise #bcuz most people never actually say it to u. but i have no clue how to tell when that stops being the case if they dont tell me smh #they can go 6 months treating me like dogshit n unless they say ‘we are doing this because we dont like you anymore’ #i will be like. ‘well they must be having a tough time :] but that’s okay all friends need support sometimes’ #anyway was on tha phone with jordan complaining about what happened (it was so much more than just the lying btw i just dont want to go into #it all on line to strangers) #and i said smth along the lines of ‘it just really sucks that my friends would treat me so badly for so long :((‘ #and he had to be like. hon i don’t think they’re your friends. #:((( lame asf

[vanibear]

…

#man grief is jjust. im not even that directly impacted by what happened #but still it’s like. I can block out and even forget about things for a little bit but i. it’s hard to do things that i used to and just no #t feel discouraged by them bc things have changed #and im realizing that I don’t really have anyone im close to talk with about how im feeling #with my friends I dont want to overwhelm bc theyr probably hurting a bit too .and im just. I feel like maybe ive distanced myself #to a point where i cant just talk one on one abt this stuff anymore #. which tbf is me and my abysmal communication skills fault #and I just don’t feel comfortable being so vulnerable in front of my family. not for fear of a bad reaction but really just idk. #idk why im like this #and I cant talk online bc I don’t want to doxx myself or give very personal details to strangers #so I guess vague vent posting like this will be it for now #gonna try to go to sleep now #vent tw #kat post

[my-chemical-rot]

I love having this blog it is literally the one place in the world I can simply refuse to ever shut up about My Chemical Romance without feeling annoying or anything. Like if people don’t wanna hear me scream about Gerard Way? They can hit unfollow and it’s not my problem 👍

#Like with my secret little personal blog it’s not that simple #for some fucking reason any time I post about anything especially things I’m really passionate about I feel like #im annoying my ten followers and they all hate me #which is stupid because it’s my personal blog and the only people following are people who are really close to me. But whatever #but somehow I don’t feel annoying when it’s 200 mostly strangers following me? #I guess at that point the ‘don’t like dont follow’ really sets in; it’s not really like that with the secret personal blog. Idk #To say nothing about talking in person!! #Not a big fan of being ignored or talked over or rolled eyes at or anything!! At least I don’t get that when I’m blogging!!