#and don't make things harder for anyone else in the process if you can avoid it
Text
Finding "the meaning" to a show that could have had up to five or seven seasons but was cancelled after the second is somewhat like trying to understand a novel composed of seventy chapters by having read only twenty — there is a whole wealth of information which we do not possess that could alter our reading of any given element or of the entire thing in itself.
Still, there are always patterns that weave a story into a cohesive unit and they can help us to better grope in darkness towards comprehension. One such pattern in Warrior Nun appears to be how the consequences to mistakes, "sins" or evil deeds committed by characters manifest.
Basic storytelling usually requires characters to act on something so that complications or resolutions may arise from their choices and move the plot forwards. In Warrior Nun, many of these actions are quite tragic in nature: Suzanne's arrogance and pride lead to the death of her Mother Superion; Vincent's allegiance to the higher power he believed Adriel to be inspired him to kill Shannon; Ava's flight from the Cat's Cradle ends up damning Lilith as she is mortally wounded and taken away by a tarask... All of these events have negative outcomes and heavy repercussions on all characters directly or indirectly involved. Something changes permanently because of them, be it in the world around them or within the characters themselves.
And yet, it would seem that all of these dark deeds not only move the story forwards but might also have overall positive results. We would have had no protagonist without Ava — and she would arguably never have received the halo to begin with had she not been murdered. What's more, on a personal scale, the horrifying crime she suffers is, in the end, the very thing that allows her a second chance in life, a new life.
An act of outside evil permits Ava to grow and develop, shows her a path she would not otherwise have found. Without her own season in some sort of hell, Lilith would not have been able to advance towards other ways of being and understanding beyond her very strict limitations. Vincent and Suzanne would not have embarked on their own journeys of enlightenment without having caused the pain they are responsible for.
Beatrice might have been paying for someone else's mistakes, but she, too, is given the chance to grow into herself through it. The afflictions that torment these characters advance the overall plot, but they also advance them, as individuals, as long as they are willing to learn and keep going despite the calamities large and small that they are faced with. Beatrice keeps going after parental rejection, Mary keeps going after losing Shannon, Jillian keeps going after losing her son (in part through her own actions, adding insult to injury)... Trouble and the adaptation that follows it, if one is open enough to learn from the experience, motivates the characters, propels them forward, teaches them.
The problem of evil has occupied the minds of many a thinker throughout the ages, given how the very existence of it, evil, might call into question that of God (a good, omniscient, omnipotent one, anyway). A common way of justifying suffering (and also God), then, is by claiming, as Saint Augustine, that "God judged it better to bring good out of evil than not to permit any evil to exist".
Now, it would be rather ridiculous to say of Warrior Nun that it follows in Leibniz's footsteps, also because this philosopher, expanding on the augustinian concept, attempted to defend the goodness of a real God with his "best of all possible worlds" while all we have is... Well, whatever/whoever Reya is.
But there seems to be an inclination towards some sort of optimism as a worldview nonetheless.
Betrayals reveal truth and grant knowledge (Vincent's culminates with the coming of Adriel, which allows us to know of the threat of a "Holy War" and thus prepare for it; Kristian's gives Jillian much needed insight, William's lights up the fuse for the fight to be taken more seriously...), crimes committed willingly or not open the way for Ava (Suzanne's killing of her Mother Superion causes the loss of the halo, which is transferred to Shannon, whose death opens the gates for Ava to walk through after being herself murdered by sister Frances)... The magnitude of these positive outcomes is perhaps not "balanced" when compared to the evil that brings them about, but there is still something to take out of the catastrophe.
However tragic the tones of a given event, the show itself appears to shun the predetermination that makes tragedy as a genre; if everything is connected, here it at least appears to not necessarily drag everyone into their horrible dooms.
What's more is that this lurking "optimism" matches really well with our own protagonist's personality.
And it makes perfect sense that Ava would do the best she could with whatever she is given.
Life for her, in the conditions she experienced after the accident, would have been unbearable without some sort of positive outlook on life. However deadpan, the joking and the "obscene gestures" and whatever other forms of goofing around beside Diego are a way of turning a portion of the situation in her own favour. Proverbial eggs have, after all, already been broken right and left — might as well make an omelette of whatever remains.
Humour is just another way of looking at the bright side of something, or, at the every least, of mitigating the utter horror it might bring. If the show allows for moments of lightness, if it lets us laugh, if it takes us through a perilous voyage which still bears ripe, succulent fruit instead of the rot of pessimism and its necessary contempt for humanity, it is because Ava herself sees things in this way. It isn't gratuitous or naïve in this case, but a true survival strategy, especially as it is confronted with the morbidity of Catholicism.
Here is a religion that soothes its faithful with the promise of reward in the afterlife — how else does one charge into battle against the unknown, risking one's own death along with that of one's sisters, without the balm of believing that we shall all meet again eventually, "in this life or the next"? How else does one come to terms with the ugliness and the pain of this existence if not by looking forward to a paradise perfect enough to make all trials and tribulations here worth it?
True nihilism would have annihilated Ava. Her present perspective is what avoided the abyss.
And there is nothing Panglossian to her attitude or what the show might imply by giving us her view on things. This isn't about "the best of all possible worlds", but of making the best of whatever situation we're in, of taking what we have and doing something with it, something good, something of ourselves. It isn't God making good out of evil, but our choices.
Killing innocent people and feeling no remorse will never be the best someone can aspire to do. Sister Frances, cardinal William, Adriel all learn this the hard way.
Those who do their best find that, somehow, they can move on from whatever it was that paralysed them. Ava, most of all, knows what it is to be stuck, frozen in place; she can never be the character who refuses to grow, even through pain, lest she condemns her spirit to the same fate her body is all too familiarised with. Those around her wise enough to let themselves be touched by her, by the dynamic power she carries, walk forth with her and live.
It says very little about "God" that Warrior Nun should adopt its heroine's views and seem "optimistic" as it progresses — but it speaks volumes about the values it presents for pondering, of the inspiration its protagonists provide, and of the multiple reasons why this is a story unlike most others.
#warrior nun#ava silva#you know it's actually very funny to type this as someone who is very schopenhaurian with hints of nietzsche#but i AM doing the best i can too :)#again i will reiterate that i don't think this apparent optimism has anything to do with the classic theodicy#if anything i see it more as a cry in favour of antitheism -- this is YOUR life fuck god#life is shitty so carve out your own makeshift paradise out of the wreck you are given#and don't make things harder for anyone else in the process if you can avoid it#(but that might just be the luciferian in me speaking lol)#anywho this post is a translation of one i wrote not too long ago in cryptic english and a ton of tags#so if it seems familiar that's why#also i do find it rather telling that whenever i try to delve into how the show structures things i talk about ava#i don't set out to analyse her -- but in analysing the show i must analyse her as well if by the edges#which again points to how finely woven she is to the fabric of the entire thing#remember how i said ava is a representation of free will?#well this whole bringing good out of evil thing also touches upon it#saint augustine maintains that it is precisely free will that allows us to do it -- to choose good#of course he means it in a sense of being free to pursue god rather than evil but you see the parallel still works#(this is the post i mentioned in the last reblog. figured i'd go ahead and throw it in the wild since there are more brewing)#analysis and similar#exercises in observation
121 notes
·
View notes
Note
I’m not trying to attack you, but do you know that proshipper means someone who supports and romanticizes pedophilia, incest, and abuse? Your reblog on that post seems to read that you think antis just hate on people for having ships they don’t like. But it’s completely different than that. Just looking on the proshipper side of Tumblr and the internet and you can see people happily shipping children and adults and making nsfw content of such things.
i appreciate that you're not being outright hostile, but i have to say, that on its own put you above basically every anti i've interacted with.
i understand where antis are coming from, i really do. there are a lot of things on the internet that make me deeply uncomfortable, including the minor/adult ships that you mention. i don't want to anything to do with those kinds of ships and i would be happiest if i never saw them again. which is why i'm proship.
nine times out of ten, if i see that kind of ship brought up on my dash, it's because i was following an anti without realizing it, and they brought it up unprompted and untagged, to talk about how bad it is that they exist. they are the ones putting that kind of content in front of my face and making it harder to avoid.
the thing about people who ship those ships is that they're generally very aware that not everyone wants to see that kind of content, and so they tag it. they make sideblogs to talk about it. they don't go out of their way to shove it in people's faces. that means i, and everyone else who doesn't like it, can avoid it.
what antis want is for it to not exist at all. they want the tags to be purged and blocked, and for anyone who uses those tags to have their accounts deleted. and sure, that might get rid of some of it, but do you know what would happen to the rest? it would stop being tagged. people who don't want to see it wouldn't have the tools to avoid it. this isn't just a hypothetical, that's what's happened any time a fan space has tried to do that.
that's not even getting into the rabbit hole of what should be banned and what shouldn't. obviously any content that depicts real children or real life abuse shouldn't exist and shouldn't be allowed to be posted, but basically any platform that people use already enforces those policies, and there's not much of a slippery slope to go down there. if it involves real living breathing people being abused, it's bad. end of discussion.
but the same can't be said for fiction. ask ten antis for a specific list of all the content that should be banned, and you'll get ten different answers. what about kink? what about roleplay? what about horror and murder and anything that involves fictional characters being graphically tortured? what about people using art to process terrible things that have happened to them? what about art that uses dark themes as a horror element? if you just want to ban anything questionable to anyone, that's the line of thinking that gets any mention of lgbt existence banned. and again, this isn't just a hypothetical, this has happened before, and that's generally where it leads.
i know, from personal experience, that antis do, in fact, send harassment to people just for shipping things they don't like. i've gotten accused of absolutely vile shit for shipping two fictional characters who were both consenting adults. i've seen ship wars turn into moral battlegrounds, over ships that an average person wouldn't bat an eye at.
the thing about "romanticization" is a whole other can of worms. the anti logic goes like this: if someone sees something (even if it's very obviously fictional) in a positive light enough times, they will start thinking it's okay in real life, and go on to hurt real people. the problem with that is that it's just. blatantly untrue.
if it were true every horror movie fan would be a serial killer, every person that studies dark media would be an unhinged psychopath, and everyone who is into ddlg would be a pedophile. but they're not. they just aren't. people have directed movies just as fucked up as the darkest shit on ao3, and are still capable of being normal human beings who know right from wrong in real life.
even if someone is that impressionable, scrubbing away the existence of every piece of questionable content isn't going to solve their problem, because they're still going to be vulnerable to con men, scams, and cultists. the only thing that would actually materially help someone like that is developing their own morals and critical thinking.
children are also more impressionable, and there's a lot of content that's not suitable for them, but that doesn't mean that content shouldn't exist. it just means that they should stick to spaces designed for them (which most social media sites, tumblr included, are not) or, if they're old enough to be responsible for their experience online, they, or a trusted adult in their lives, should block and filter out things that they aren't comfortable with.
which is what everyone on the internet should be doing. it's what i do, and it's made the internet a much more pleasant place to be. and it's why i sometimes worry for antis mental health, especially teenagers, because they're being told it's right and moral to seek out content that makes them uncomfortable and to engage with the people making it. and that's just. really bad. it's not good for the creators that they're harassing obviously, but it's also really bad for them! it's not healthy to seek out things that make you feel bad, and it's a terrible internet safety lesson to teach minors that it's okay for them to seek out and engage with people making adult content.
individual harassment and crusading is never going to succeed at removing dark content from the internet. it just isn't. at best you might get a small percentage of people who create that content to stop sharing it, at worst you're just going to make people stop tagging it, and either way, you're exposing yourself to things that make you feel bad, when you don't have to.
if you want to materially change the type of content you see, you can. the block button is your friend, use it liberally. same with content filtering and tag blocking.
#oops this got really long#cd.ask#proship#disk horse#tw pedophila mention#uhhh what to tag#tw shipping discourse#this doesn't even get into the antis that i've seen proudly professing that they care more about fictional characters than real people#because i don't know how to explain to someone that real humans matter more than cartoon characters#or how to avoid content on platforms other than tumblr bc frankly thats a lot of the reason i don't use them#i don't trust an algorithm#also im turning anon off after posting this so if you want to send me hate you cant be a coward about it#also be prepared to get blocked and ignored#the only reason i answered this person is bc they weren't being hostile
15K notes
·
View notes
Text
Tips for boosting driving confidence in Autistic people
For some autistic people, myself included, driving anxiety can be really detrimental to your ability to get around and be independent. However, this year (10 years after starting to learn and 9 years after passing my test lol), I have been working hard to improve my confidence and whilst I still have a ways to go, my anxiety isn't nearly as bad as it was and I've driven places I would never have dreamed of this time last year.
The following tips are aimed at autistic people, but I think they'll apply to anyone who considers themselves a nervous driver.
Practice makes perfect! - if something makes you super anxious, the natural thing to do is avoid it if at all humanly possible, right? Well, it might make you feel relief in the moment, but over time this just reinforces your anxious thoughts and can make it harder and harder to break the cycle. As much as it sucks, the key thing is to just. keep. driving. Start with just short journeys on familiar roads and build it up from there. The more situations you encounter the more your skills will improve. For various reasons - including issues with visual processing and sensory overload - it's natural that some autistic people take longer to feel comfortable and confident at doing something, so just keep working at it and you'll slowly but surely notice a difference.
Leave yourself plenty of time - being late is a massive trigger for me, so if I find myself in a situation where I have to drive somewhere in a tight time frame it really freaks me out. Give yourself plenty of time to get where you need to go, so you know you have wriggle room if there's unexpected road closures or if you make a wrong turn. This is especially important if you're going somewhere unfamiliar as you will probably already be anxious about this. Plus, if you arrive early you will have some time to regulate/decompress yourself in preparation for whatever you have planned.
Set out your boundaries - Ok driving alone but having people in car with you sends you into a flat spin? That's fine - say no to passengers for a while and then if you feel ready have a trial run with someone you know will be kind and supportive. Equally, if you find having someone in the car with you is reassuring, that can be a big help - just be sure they understand you are feeling anxious so they don't pressure you to go routes you aren't ready for. Also, some people are overconfident in their driving abilities and may try to get you to do things that are unsafe - don't listen to them! Trust your own judgement.
Set a goal - having something specific to work for can help motivate you and give you a measure of your confidence improving. Maybe you want to drive to an out of town shopping centre, or take a road trip with a friend? Just make sure your goal is realistic and you give yourself a big pat on the back once you achieve it.
Practice self compassion - driving is stressful for some people and that's totally ok. I've accepted that while I can safely get from A to B, I'm probably never someone who is going to want to drive for fun. Remember, you are in charge of your life, no one else. Whilst I'm ok driving short distances, if I have to go to another city I would always opt for public transport if at all available. I know it'll make the whole thing much less stressful for me (and is better for the environment, too). Also, if you've been trying for a while but driving just isn't for you, that's totally ok, too! It sucks that the way our society is built means not having access to your own car is inconvenient at best, but remember we all have different strengths and weaknesses, and deciding not to drive doesn't make you a failure. You can bet the minute I can get hold of a (reliable and affordable) self-driving car, my life will be made so much easier!
And there you have it! I do hope my tips brought you some comfort or reassurance if this is something you've been struggling with. Remember, these tips are what have helped me personally - I am not a driving (lol) or medical professional, and I certainly don't claim to speak for all autistic people.
Your support is hugely appreciated xx
#autistic#actually autistic#neurdivergent#neurodiversity#autistic adult#autism#asd#autistic tips#life tips#anxitey#driving#driving anxiety#autistic driving
95 notes
·
View notes
Text
I am Not Ignoring You
I just...
I hate the issues that come with my processing disorder. I've been diagnosed with both expressive & recessive language disorder and auditory processing disorder. There's apparently some big debate among audiologists whether they're the same thing or not so it's anyone's guess if I have two separate issues.
But! I generally pass at work as not having a issue because quite frankly my chosen career is and ideal environment for said problems. Even there it has come up.
But it's a ongoing issue in my personal life. Inevitably someone says something and I don't respond and then they get angry with me for ignoring them. When really I either:
Failed to realize they even talked.
Realized the talked but failed to process their sounds to meaningful words.
Understood what they said but failed to create words back to them.
The third happens most when something else is going on that requires processing power. Like, I really can't do a thing and talk at the same time and most people don't get that.
For example, recently went kayaking with a friend (a thing I avoid for so many reasons but for reasons I don't want to go into, I did it).
I was up front, she in back. I needed to communicate needs like what direction to row. This...this did not go well. This went badly. This went really badly. I am surprised it didn't go worse. Because wording became extremely hard.
To make it worse, the whole set of issues is inconsistent. I mean, certain situations can make it harder, definitely. But sometimes even in ideal situations I struggle whereas sometimes I don't. So, you know, people think I'm just being an asshole because I didn't have an issue yesterday or whatever.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
This is a bit of a tangled thought, so bear with me.
There's a difference between accommodating and centering. It's entirely reasonable to center yourself within your own life and needs. And it's true that merely making gestures to accommodate differences without really evaluating what's needed, on a societal level, is not true accommodation. It's further true that it's possible for accommodation needs to conflict, or to be functionally mutually exclusive within the scope of the context involved (though often if the scope can be expanded, the conflict can be resolved.)
It's also true - and very important - that part of genuine accommodation means not treating uncommon needs as moral failings.
But it's also true that realizing needs are not moral failings doesn't mean centering people who have those needs on a societal level to the point where we treat people who don't have those needs as themselves having a moral failing.
What am I saying...
I have a sensory processing disorder. I think it's fucked up how many tools we think it's okay to have be the only option for getting something done that (at least should!) require ear protection for the operator, while we fail to provide that protection for everyone else in earshot. I think it is a moral failing on the part of society and especially business, that we feel free to damage everyone's hearing when we clearly don't need to, say, make a very loud air blower for drying people's hands the only option in an echoey, tile-lined room, hung at ear level for children and people in wheelchairs, or fail to provide ways that people who use gas-powered leaf blowers for a living can replace them with quieter electric ones. Some tools have to be loud, and some tasks are necessary. That doesn't explain or excuse the way we let it slide when an optional task or tool is made damagingly loud.
What's not a moral failing is that people who don't have my sensory processing disorder are less intensely bothered by these sounds than I am. What's not a moral failing is that people who don't have my sensory processing disorder may well actively enjoy sounds I find too loud or harsh.
It's not a moral failing to enjoy the mosh pit at a death metal concert, but you will absolutely never, ever find me there.
Requiring me to interact with those noises is unkind. Them wanting to isn't wrong. It's not something wrong with them. It's not something they should be required to stop doing. It's not something that should be made unavailable to them. It's not something I need to be protected from knowing exists. And I don't really expect media in general to be sanitized of it for my sake.
I would like honest and comprehensive content labels on things - don't try to guess what I need to avoid, please - but that's harder with media than with, say, food, because it's harder to determine what constitutes an ingredient.
Simply put, I want control over my own experience. I don't expect to control anyone else's experience.
It happens, in my life, that the issue is sensory input.
But there are other areas in life that present similar challenges in the difference between accommodating my need vs. centering my comparatively rare level of sensitivity in environments geared towards the open population.
I have the need to curate my own experience. I don't have the right to demand the world to curate it for me.
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
Peach!! As a creative writing expert and dear friend of mine, do you have any tips for writing original fiction??? I’ve been entertaining the idea of starting my own story but I can’t be assed to finish anything longer than 5,000 words on a good day. Also, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve taken a creative writing class so… help a fella out? If you can! Love ya and hope you’re doing well
jude this is So sweet thank you for your accolades, they are well appreciated <33
so there's a couple of pieces of advice i have to give about motivation. disclaimer, writing is ultimately a very individualized process and if you find something else that works better than you - absolutely go for it!
the unfortunate reality that everyone loves to avoid about how to make yourself write is that it is the exact same process as how to do absolutely anything at all: task management. trying to do consistent writing requires determining what motivates you, what timeframe you want to complete a project in (barring special circumstances), and how to set realistic short-term and long-term goals. and that sucks, and nobody wants to do it.
the real key to figuring out how to work with these things is what you want from this project, because that'll affect how strictly you'll need to hold yourself to account. people have an idea that you Need to fulfill a certain writing quota per day for your writing to make Adequate Progress TM, but that's not...really the case. there are circumstances where you want to hold yourself to a schedule, in which case deadlines are a very important part of the process! But if you're just writing for fun? There is literally no reason to try to push yourself. imposing unnecessary deadlines makes it difficult to meet them, since there's no real enforcement; and that makes it harder to write, because of the guilt hanging overhead.
in general, i put any project i make on a scale from 1-5:
I am literally just imagining/writing this to pass time/have fun and will never show it to anyone
this is an idea i want to show people, but i dont want it to be a consistent thing
i want to create for this on a regular schedule so that i can make consistent progress so that others can read it
this is a gift, part of a collaboration, or is something i want to eventually publish, and i need to finish it before the deadline
i am literally being paid to write this in a timeframe/am required to submit this for a class.
(you'll note that 3 has no "i want to create on a consistent schedule just for fun." that's because that's still ultimately a 1, not a 3! this isn't about how fast you WANT to complete a project - its about how strictly you NEED to complete a project.
you'll also notice that the escalation, instead of "for fun" to "for job," is "for fun" to "for others to read" to "for job." for a lot of people, cooperative art is simply more enjoyable than art for the self! receiving validation and feedback is an important motivator and influence to being an artist. i tend to bake whether i want people to view my work directly into the process, and you should never feel like wanting that feedback is something to be ashamed of! just make sure you have at least one person around who will be happy for your work with you, so you don't get burnt out on the no-views blues.)
once ive ranked a project, i'll translate it to a numerical format. this is going to sound silly, but you can really, truly use the numbers in any way you like; the important thing is that the number is in there. if you have a 1, it could be that you want to write for at least one hour a day, or one hour a week, or one minute a week, or just work at all one day a week. or one day a month! you have to integrate it somehow, but you can go as far apart as you like, and you can change it on the fly however you feel like. it's a 1! no one is going to get mad at you for doing whatever you want with a 1. as long as you've got literally anything in there, that's good enough!
the higher a project goes, the more strict outside sources get about it, which means that the more rigidly the bounds you have to work within are. if you have a 5 that's due in a week, you can either spend five hours on it or five days - but you won't be able to do five minutes! generally, for me, i need external motivation to write anyway, so a lot of my projects fall at 2 or 3; as a result, i usually try to get a chapter/update in once every 2-3 weeks.
this is sort of a silly system, because by nature it's wildly inconsistent. but i've found that looseness works for me! within that system, you can use whatever motivators you generally get - giving yourself ice cream, taking a break day, whatever you need. the rewards, for me, usually also vary depending on the intensity, and also tends to be more external; for a 1, i'll give myself 1 hour to chill out and daydream about where the story might go, where for a 5, i usually do writing commissions in $5 increments so that there's monetary motivation.
there's a lot of other things to talk about with how to motivate yourself to write, but this is how i do it! if nothing else, i'd advise stepping back to think about how strict your deadlines need to be with whatever work you're trying to do - it's important to be honest with yourself about what your expectations are, and whether they're more/less intense than they need to be for a given work.
#ask#filmamir#i hope this helps!!#i have genuinely no idea if this would be useful to others this is just What I Do
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
i want to talk about stupid stuff in my furry world even though i don't really think anyone's listening :)
this is really long so i'm sorry if you open it and realize you don't care lol...
EVOLUTION.
basically, evolution works the exact same way in my furry universe(s) as it does in real life. animal species come and go and most extinction events happened pretty much at the exact moments.
i haven't thought too much about how/when their bodies formed - and i don't care that much because it's really, really not that important to anything - but i imagine it's around the same time animals started walking on land but rapidly evolving a bipedal (and modern humanoid) body instead.
HYBRIDIZATION.
i don't really like the term "hybridization" / "hybrid" for human analogous species, because of a lot of real world implications that could mean, but i'm a little at a loss for what else i should call them.
either way, the way (furry) species works is probably more simple in reality than it is in my head but essentially the viability of offspring depends on the parents family (classification), genus, and species. the further away it is from the species, the harder it is to reproduce BUT if they're in the same family, they can still produce offspring together.
for example: a tiger can breed with another tiger and will have a high success rate of offspring. or the tiger can move on to a lion, and will have a harder time at producing but will still produce offspring with some difficulty. OR the tiger can breed with a house cat and both can struggle at producing offspring - but it's not impossible. however, trying to have babies with a moose or a bear is genetically impossible and will never produce offspring.
subspecies and breeds do technically exist, but in-universe they do not have "names" for these really. and if they did, they wouldn't have any reason to talk about it.
FERAL ANIMALS.
i haven't actually settled on whether or not i want feral animals in my world, because i like the idea of my OCs having pets but the thought of "how" those animals exist and everything doesn't make sense to me.
my solution was initially going to be pet-sized insects, but unfortunately i also have anthro insects as well. so right now, none of my furries have pets or animals in their world.
CARNIVORE FOOD.
this one's particularly tricky for me, just kind of because i hadn't thought too much about it. so because of that, i'm going to say this as more of a hypothetical rather than a definitive.
i think it's primarily down to culture in what carnivores eat; in some places, it might be considered taboo to eat actual meat, but in other places it might be considered bad to eat meat substitutes.
in my head, my main story is in a culture where it's mixed - meat and meat substitutes are both okay to eat, and it just depends on the individual.
i imagine meat farms as relatively humane, though i can't currently think of a way to describe the process of humane meat farming (especially in a way that doesn't make me sound insane).
OTHER SOURCES OF FOOD.
i know some people get weirded out by this, but things like dairy (milk, eggs, cream), honey, and even non-food things like wool and the like are still definitely around and are actively farmed.
BIGOTRY.
there is no species/breed (whatever) related bigotry within my world whatsoever. primarily because i'm a little white boy from the US, so i don't think it's my place to really talk about and try to formulate a story around.
i bring this point up primarily because i think people kind of... expect furry stories that are in-depth to have this sort of thing - but i personally think it's best for me to avoid trying to do.
other forms of bigotry, specifically the ones i face/faced (homophobia, transphobia, etc.), DO exist in my world but it's small scale and also not particularly important to my stories outside of backstories, character development, and situational interactions.
ANATOMY.
all of my furry anatomy might change in the future but everything i say here applies to the way i draw them currently.
all furries have, generally, normal human proportions. there are some difference between groups of species, but majority are within the same proportions.
most furries have digitigrade legs (i know unguligrade is different, but for the sake of simplicity i'm going to call it digitigrade), though there are a few (though rare) exceptions that do not.
right now, birds have feather attachments to all their fingers except the thumb, and this goes down their entire arm (similar to a bunch of different dinosaurs). this reduces their range of motion on their wrists in-universe, but not so much that it's nearly impossible for them to do most normal activities.
i was thinking of changing them to have no wings, as i haven't been able to figure out how clothing works or things like that - but i'm bird autistic and really like drawing wings, so...stumped there! (i'm against back wings in most of my furry universes and dislike wings as hands.)
antlers and horns are considered ornamental and may be removed (typically a doctor or some sort of specialist would do this) if the person sees fit. velvet-shed antlers are still a "gorey" mess, and people who are going through that may request to stay home (though this is also dependent on the individual as well as the conditions around the individual - like if they work or something).
as mentioned previously, "hybrids" (actual name pending) do exist! their anatomy may be different than what they describe themselves as. example: my character dallas is a zebu cow mixed with african water buffalo (though this is not from his direct parents), but he still prefers to call himself a cow rather than a buffalo.
FASHION.
clothes are typically the same as they are for human, though some may be modified to accommodate for different species. it is also considerably less taboo to go nude, but most still prefer to wear clothes.
despite what a lot of people think, tailors still aren't as terribly common in this world - and, honestly, i think a lot of furries would know a lot about taking care of modifying/fixing themselves as well (though full making clothes, i don't know).
shoes are seen as more fashion than function, but steel-toed boots and such are definitely still around. horse shoes also fit into this category.
an extremely common type of fashion, just like our world, is body modification. ear cropping, tail docking, declawing, feather plucking, and so on are pretty common. (i don't think i need to say this - but i'm not an advocate for those things, please don't do these to animals unless absolutely necessary like in sheep and stuff.) there's even more than what i just listed.
tattoos are also common, though the word "tatoo" in this case has three different meanings - branding (typically freeze branding), general scarification, or needle tattooing.
freeze branding and scarification are basically the same thing as they are in real life and are the more painful of the processes, while needle tattooing is more tedious.
needle tattooing is shaving down the fur to get to the skin (full bald, not even little hairs are allowed in the area), and then tattooed as one would in our world but with special inks and dyes that show in the fur pattern and not just on the skin. while this sounds like the easiest process, it is highly repetitive and prone to failure if not up-kept and consistently tattooed for once a week for a month.
fur clipping (like real world camels and horses and dogs, not like humans) is also a popular fashion choice.
fur dyes are another popular choice, but are not recommended for full body use. this does not really stop people.
BODY LANGUAGE.
there is a lot of body language that i COULD cover, but most of it boils down to real world body language in animals just translated on humans.
but there's a lot of different readable tail languages as well - most people are generally aware of what their tail is doing during conversations or on public transport, things like that.
#dook dook#sneezes#<- FIRST TIME IVE EVER USED THAT TAG!#also if anyone reads this. i love you#if anyone has questions. ill suck you#worldbuilding#furgonomics#anthrogrounding#furry worldbuilding#whatever#furry#anthro#WHATEVER!#when i talk about this im mostly talking about my upcoming project (that i havent talked about here .)#i have been thinking about this world since like. 2019.#eye twitch
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
for the OC ask game:
hello i would specifically like the quinn cooper advice for this one. you will see why
Angel needs to get comfortable with death magic :) they feel very uncomfortable with the idea of utilizing it and need some advice on how to get used to being around The Aura Of Death. they really don't want to kill :( it makes them feel bad :( does quinn have advice on this?
ohohoho thank you for the ask, this is an interesting one and especially for Quinn to answer >:3
I did have to go hunting for Angel's age (16 according to your intro??) 'cause Quinn would respond veeeeery differently to a kid asking this than they would to an adult
any adult would probably get "well my first and only tip is to suck it up, stop whining like a baby and just fucking deal with it instead of looking to strangers to ease your pathetic conscience"
whereas Angel will NOT be receiving that lmao
"Ah, shit. Alright. Okay. I’m... an interesting choice for this conversation. I mean, I get why you came to me and not someone else, but... Jesus, kid. Look, I’m—in the middle of something and—and I doubt you’re going to pay me for my time and I am way too busy to babysit for free and... why do you even think I’d know how to help you anyway? And just—just—ugh.
Yeah, fine. You might as well come in. Don’t breathe a word of this to anyone, though, you understand? I’m scary as hell and I don’t need some brat scampering around and tarnishing my reputation. Calling me things like honest. God forbid. Okay, uh... let’s see...
First off, uh... it helps if you had a rough childhood!
Sorry, that was... I was trying to make a joke. Kind of. I don’t know. Fuck. Bear with me.
Look, for some people, it just... gets easier with time. Boring advice, I know. But you know how people always say you eventually just numb yourself to killing, check out, get desensitised? That’s not really how feels. The more you stare at death the less scary it seems. The less... real it seems. it turns into something abstract, like when you say a word so many times it stops sounding like a real word. It doesn’t dull, but it changes. The meaning of it gets harder to grasp.
Whether that’s better is... a matter of personal opinion. ‘Cause I mean... I’m fine. I’m fine. But, you know, hypothetically, if a person were to do that... you know, hypothetically if they managed to distance themself from horror like that, they might not turn out super well-adjusted in a multitude of other ways. Hypothetically. Hypothetically they might be miserable and reckless and emotionally closed-off in important areas of their life. Not that I’d have any way of knowing that for sure. This is all just hypotheticals.
Got this friend who swings too hard in the other direction, though. Tries to avoid gaining that distance at all costs. Says killing is supposed to feel awful and unbearable, it’s supposed to hurt and repulse you, even if you don’t have a choice. Says it’s a good thing, to be uncomfortable like that. Keeps you grounded. That guy’s whole existence is a living hell, too, though, even on the good days.
The fact of the matter is I don’t think you’re going to get out of this without being majorly fucked up about it one way or the other. It’s a fucked-up situation. Sometimes there’s no winning, no matter how you choose to handle it or how you’re able to process it. Just...
God, my advice is to run, to be honest. Just fucking get out before any of it has a chance to take root. Before it gets bad. Be selfish if you need to. Just get out, get out, get out.
Sorry. Another joke. You can’t do that, can you? Yeah, yeah. I gave that same dirty look to everyone who told me that, too, and I was right to do so.
The only thing I’ve found that’s made all of this bearable is... you find some people. Good, kind people who put good out into the world. You defend them with everything you’ve got, you do whatever the fuck it takes to help them and keep them safe. And you let yourself be cruel and selfish and violent and merciless, you do what it takes to get by and survive, even if it feels monstrous. You survive, and you do terrible things, but you help them, and you watch the way they shape the world around them for the better in ways you can’t. You’ve gotta tell yourself that counts for something.
Anyway, this has been mortifying. Get the fuck out of my house.”
#a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears#quinn has complicated feelings abt young people in situations like this#quinn loves 2 be cold n give no fucks about anyone but can't.... NOT look at a kid like this n#just feel at least a little bit of sympathy and compassion#so idk if you were expecting a more goofy evil quinn answer but honestly quinn would be UPSET about this question#n though they wouldn't be able to pinpoint WHY they were so distressed. they'd be so distressed at the fact that#they don't really have an awful lot of advice to give bc no one ever taught them how to process awful things in#a remotely healthy way and they still don't really know#but ya.#they'd simultaneously wanna be like ''i'm quinn cooper so i'm fine and perfect and nothing bothers me at all just#look at me coping flawlessly'' and ''please for the love of god i do not want this child to end up like me''#:c
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
For the record I do understand the posts urging people to focus on the material harm AI art does (trained via art theft, has the potential to make artists starve even harder than they do already by allowing corporations to bypass hiring them) rather than whether it is or isn't 'real art', and I mostly agree with them because those obviously work better as arguments against AI art in casual conversation.
But I also think that debating whether or not AI art is real art is actually important. And frankly, I feel like this is the one time that we should actually put our foot down and decide that no, this isn't art. Because I don't think the material concerns can be successfully divorced from the question of whether AI art is real art.
Here's the thing: AI art is the one type of art that you can say, with 100%, objective certainty, that it was made without any creative drive, without a message, and yes, without a soul. Because an AI, in their current form, isn't capable of that. All an AI can do is recognize data, process it, and translate it to output. It cannot want anything, it cannot hope for anything, it cannot want to say anything, no more than a mountain can. And while a mountain can be gorgeous, and inspire the same feelings of awe, wonder, dread, and fear as art, I think anyone who isn't being purposefully pedantic can agree it isn't art. Art, by definition, is in some way, shape, or form, created by people with purpose, even if that purpose is 'stop myself from being bored in a meeting' or 'I want to make money' or something. A mountain has a purpose in the wider ecosystem, but it has no conciousness with which to do anything with purpose. It's just a mountain. Same goes for AI; it's just an AI. Nothing else is there.
''But isn't it people who use AI art to create? Doesn't that make it art?" Depends. If someone is using AI as a tool to create their own art piece, then that's art, sure. The AI, in that case, is a paintbrush, being guided to create art. But if you let an AI go on autopilot, click a button to generate an image, and do nothing with it? That's not art, no. It may look like it, but an art-like object does not art make. Art can in fact be art without looking like it. It cannot be art without purpose.
(And before anyone says it: deliberate removal or avoidance of purpose is purpose. DADA is not a gotcha here. The pisspot had a message.)
And of course, in a debate like this, we can go in circles forever. I'm sure there are some people who got their hackles raised when I said a mountain wasn't art, and are ready to start arguing that although a mountain itself has no purpose, we look at it with purpose, and that our interpretation makes it art, or whatever. I call those people purposefully pedantic because if we lived in a dystopian government that started forbidding the creation of art, 'looking at mountains' won't be considered rebellion, and they know it. On a purely philosophical level, sure, maybe looking at mountains is art. On a practical level it isn't, and we all know it.
And this debate isn't merely philosophical; it's practical. What are we willing to accept as art? This matters. Are we willing to accept a square of colours by a thing that cannot create with purpose as art? How far are we willing to remove art from creative expression, drive, purpose? And if we decide that art can be created without artistic expression, purpose, or message, then frankly: what's the point?
This is the practical question. We live under capitalism. Already, artists experience alienation from their labour. To some extent, art for money will always be a compromise, even under a different economic system. But if we decide art needs no purpose, then what's the point? Why create art at all, if a click of a button can produce the same thing? If we decide there is no difference between the creation of a human with purpose and the creation of an AI without, why should we bother with the human? Why should the human bother?
I'm sure artists and art will always exist, because the obvious answer to that question is 'because we want to make art'. But just like traditional craftsmen have been largely pushed out of business – and thus, existence – because we decided that a factory-made chair did the job of a chair just fine, if we come to accept AI art as art, artists will diminish. The artist as a job will become even rarer than it is today, and slowly but surely, knowledge of how to make art will fade, just like the knowledge of many crafts (in and of themselves a form of art) has already largely faded.
In essence: AI art is the streamlined, commodified version of human art, convenient for capitalism because cutting out the human element makes things infinitely cheaper and quicker. If we accept AI art as real art, then what does it matter that artists will have a harder time finding jobs? It's all art, right? Some professions just become obsolete with technological improvements; nothing to be done about that. You can always make your own drawings in your spare time, or buy your own art if it's so important to you that it's handmade! If you can afford the materials or art, that is.
And why is it 'art theft' to train AIs on other people's art? It's normal for art to draw inspiration from other art! What, is it art theft to go to a museum and make something in Rubens' style, now?
See what I mean? The practical and the philosophical are intertwined. If we accept AI art as real art, we may start to see real, material harm come from that. Because the protection of the artist (not as a person, who always should have protection, but as a creator) hinges on the idea that art needs human purpose to be art.
Until such a time that AI becomes sci-fi level sapient, AI art is not art, and to me, this very much matters.
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
I have a genuine question : is there anything wrong with a cis person getting on hormones if it's done privately and not interfering with waitlists?
For context, I'm trans m and had to wait around 3 years for my testosterone. My cousin is a cis m and have always been very feminine in personality, but he has severe body dysphoria on how masculine his body is. He has always been like this and we've known eachother our whole lives so I know it's not just a recent thing. I suggested estrogen and/or testosterone blockers for him, but he was worried about taking resources away from a trans person who may actually need it, so I thought about doing this privately.
Here in my country, if you dont wanna get in a waitlist you need to be seeing an endocrinologist and a therapist frequently and buy your hormones with your own money. I didn't go through this because it's obviously expensive to pay for all the sessions and hormones, but that was when I was younger and now both me and him have a job, and since it's something he truly wants I'm more than happy to help.
We both researched the effects of both estrogen and testosterone blockers. He is fine with all of the effects (except for boob growth but it can be avoided) and knows that there's a chance he'll get dysphoric but he can always just stop taking them. He wants the hormones mainly for fat retribution, decreasing of muscle mass and thinning of body hair.
He used to be very insecure about his body and depressed about being "stuck" in a masculine body until I told him there were options. Despite hating his masculine features, he likes his genitals and likes being treated as a guy, and has thought about being trans before but he hated being seen as a girl. So he's certainly not a trans girl in denial.
Is this a bad idea? He's very aware of the effects and wants a majority of them. He's also getting hormones privately so he's not getting in the way of anyone else. In my mind, it's all good, but I'm also young so there might be a chance I'm doing something stupid, so I'm getting some more opinions about this. Thank you!
There are a lot of reasons why someone would take hormones. Only one of those reasons have to do with being trans. There are actually a lot of cis people that take hormones for several different reasons. They are not taking away from trans resources.
The resource issue comes from people who claim to be trans (who aren't) taking hormones. Because they back up the wait-list that is for trans people. Cis people have a different wait-list. I don't think he's taking away from trans resources and I really don't think he should be all that worried about doing so. The only ones who are going to get priority are those who medically need the hormones. Someone doing it for dysphoria or dysmorphia won't get as much priority. Your cousin would fall into that second area.
Most cis people take hormones for medical reasons (like their body doesn't make enough of something). Body dysmorphia reasons I feel are a little less common. Simple because it can be harder to get. It's not medically necessary so it's going to be a lot more outta pocket expenses. It's a body imagine issue not a physical health one.
I do think there's something to be said about accepting certain part of yourself. And you can talk about society pushing ideas on how you should look. But I am a firm believer that you can do what you want with your body. It's yours. If you understand the risks and are comfortable with all possible consequences, then have at it. My only advice is to make sure you're in close consultation with a therapist and doctor to make sure it's actually what you want to do, if you should do it, and keep you under control of what's happening/healthy throughout the process.
Basically. Hormones aren't a trans exclusive thing. There's nothing wrong with other people taking hormones. It's only a problem if you're claiming to be trans in order to get access to them. Your body. Your choice. Know your risks, accept your consequences, and do what will make you happy.
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Clutter
I feel like at the first trauma in early childhood I learned pump my mind full of novocaine and with the hallmarks of childhood (overbearing helplessness, deeply learning inwardly and outwardly toxic behaviors, countless little bad things that add up) I got extremely good at numbing myself, I got so good at it that even now when things happen it doesn't matter how much I want to feel and process the pain. It's automatic and I got so good at it I do it for good feelings too and now I just can't stop.
I'm putting in the work to be mindful, I'm trying to dwell on present things that hurt me, some stuff that should have been pretty hurtful happened last week and I remember the only feeling towards it I had was "I expected that" with some small sick gratification of being right. So later on that day I was thinking about it, "I should have been mad, I shouldve been hurt, I should have defended myself" blah blah blah, but I couldn't get anything except frustration with myself for not caring.
Like I know I'm repressing it now because the harder I try to think of it the foggier my brain gets, and I'm trying to retrospectively feel mad about it but it felt more like poking roadkill with a stick saying "shoulda been watching for cars, come on get outta the road, why aren't you moving, I'm poking you aren't I, it's annoying isn't it? Bitch." Like I just couldn't even feel upset or hurt or angry in any way and this is the problem. I can't stop it, my brain is floating around in straight novocaine instead of csf, and I'm trying to figure out what to do.
All my therapy is homemade. the person I respect the least, the person I pick on more than I could ever pick on anyone else, the one person I devalue and betray on a daily basis has gotten me farther than I ever expected to go and endured and survived everything up to now in the clever resourceful ways brains have of making it through hard times. And I guilt myself because I've retained the survival techniques that worked when I was a kid and they're only holding me back now, but that's not something to be frustrated with. It takes patience and I had liked believing I have more patience than anyone but I'm wondering how much of my "patience" and "acceptance" is just the novocaine numb in my brain. I don't think I can learn to feel, I think its a matter of unlearning all the behaviors I subconsciously use to protect myself from feeling. It will go a long way I imagine, but unlearning this stuff is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have to unlearn not to trust people instead of learn to trust people, I have to unlearn to avoid vulnerability and intimacy instead of learn how to be that way. I have to unlearn the illusion I created for myself as a kid that everything under my control would be okay and let go of the delusion that burying problems, denying things and making excuses for why people hurt me are behaviors that give me control. They don't, they just make my need to be out of control so much worse and I wonder why I'm so stuck in compulsive behaviors that are killing me. I know I don't like getting up hung over and I binge anyway even though I know I'm not going to like the consequences and I'm not going to feel any better when I get up than I did before I started pouring glasses. And I think subconsciously I like it though since its such an easy thing to blame all my problems on. Sure it causes a lot of problems but its a symptom more than anything of the fact that I am subconsciously so intent on avoiding real pain that I create pain for myself to feel in control of if that makes sense. I don't have to feel helpless if I think I'm in control and I think helplessness is an ache I've been trying to go around all my life. But some aches and traumas aren't obstacles you can go around and watch them fade in the distance until you forget they were ever there. They aren't walls you can climb because they go infinitely high and you can't dig under them because they go infinitely deep. There is a very obvious door in the wall though, it hurts to walk through and its easier to sit in the discontent on this side of the wall than it is to face the pain of going through it. The longer you pretend it isn't there whether consciously or not, the thicker the wall gets and longer the hall is that you have to walk through. My mind shuts off when it looks at the hot coal floor that goes all the way down that hall, but it's really gotta be just one step after the other once I unlearn to pretend the door doesn't exist right? I doubt if any of this makes sense, it's just helpful to move the clutter in my head some place else and what better place than a blog.
You know I was going to hate on myself yet again for how I ramble (learn to write in tldr, you give up on everything even paragraphs. bitch.), then I was going to make an excuse (well I don't have anybody to share things with so things build up and explode on blog posts), but fuck it. I just have to start liking myself for christs sake, I need to stop feeling like a dumb fuck for every little thing I do and I guess I think that by insulting myself I get to it first so nobody else wants to but it's just. goofy. It's not funny, it's not cute, it's not cool- being a mopey self-deprecating shit does no favors for anyone. I am verbose, I could probably be concise if I wanted but why do I care- it's my blog, if nobody wants to read it I'm not making them, there's a cut right at the start, and there's nothing wrong with being verbose. It adds nuance. (And my hero Oliver Sacks was so verbose it drove his editors nuts and I love that about his writing- it's a *good* thing)
Also I'm probably done with writing thought tangents and leaving them in drafts for weeks before deleting them because I'm pretty certain its just my fear of vulnerability and I think by letting myself actually put them on the blog it might be healthy.
1 note
·
View note
Text
Chapter 13 Part 8: This is the problem with GBA bosses
So we've cleared out the map except for Selena, and since she's a boss, she doesn't move. Now it's time to just do dumb, ridiculous nonsense to get more experience.
I'm going to baby Marisa a bit more.
Tethys catches up with the group and dances her way to level 2. She got HP, which will keep her alive, and luck, which can prevent enemy crits. Awesome sauce!
I check out Gerik's odds, but I don't like the crit chance, and I think he was getting doubled with his other weapon, one of the heavy "blade" weapons. So he doesn't actually attack.
I could've gotten him something else to use, but I decided to just focus on Marisa instead.
Lute heals her way to level 2 and gets her 2 most important stats, magic and speed.
And I set everyone up to be near each other and get support points.
For anyone who is not familiar with the GBA support system, characters gain support points for every turn they end next to each other. The really important thing to know is that building supports takes forever for the most part, so artificially dragging out a map like this is pretty much required if you want to get characters to support ranks like A.
With this set up, Marisa can run in, attack, then Tana can rescue her out. Then Cormag takes Marisa from Tana and drops her. Then L'Arachel--who also needs experience, remember--can heal Marisa.
Oh yeah, and Marisa and Gerik are finally near each other, so they say hi too.
The final piece is to have Tethys able to dance people so that she can also gain some experience and become a little more durable.
At some point during this process, Marisa gets a kind of disappointing level up.
I ended up leaving Tethys next to L'Arachel so that L'Arachel could heal Marisa twice per turn, thereby doubling her (pathetic) exp gain!
The set up here also lets these pairs gain support points:
Tana and Cormag
Gerik and Tethys
Gerik and Marisa
Ephraim and L'Arachel
Lute and Vanessa
Franz and Seth
There might be others I've overlooked, but those are the ones I knew about off hand when I made this formation.
Look at her go! I'm glad this grindy silliness is good for someone!
Marisa finally pokes Selena to death and gets a level up with no strength or speed again.
She is at level 10 though, so she can promote and maybe still contribute somehow!
After we defeat Selena, Myrrh comments on how even though she got her dragon stone back, she's so sad.
Ironically, it may have been Myrrh who contributed to Selena's death here. If Myrrh hadn't talked to her and slowed her down from leaving, she might have taken the dragon stone and returned to the Grado capital before Ephraim arrived...
Like I alluded to in the title of this post, being able to do grindy nonsense like this against bosses is kind of a weakness of how they work in the GBA games.
Since the bosses don't move, and since the player gets to move their entire army on player phase, and since they can use characters to rescue other characters, the player just has all the tools they need to send people in to chip away and then back out over and over again.
What's really bizarre in this map, and the one before it, is that the bosses aren't even on special tiles that make them harder to kill. In many maps, the boss is on a throne or whatever, and that means they have more avoid, and more defense and res (I think) and they heal automatically every turn.
Imagine if Selena moved on this map? Maybe it would be bad if she moved right away since she could thunderstorm any unit of yours and you'd have no way to stop her, but if she at least moved once you got units into the inner area, that would be a bit more interesting.
Ultimately though, Fire Emblem Engage figured it out, (finally, 20 years later) by making bosses move, but giving them multiple health bars. It means one unit can't kill a boss, no matter how strong that unit is, but if you move multiple units in and don't finish the boss off, now they have the opportunity to move around and target one of your weaker units.
Next time: An assault on the capital
0 notes
Note
Tw csa(?), Shame
I was wondering if this can count as csa? It doesn't always feel like it was bad enough? When I was 11(? Honestly don't remember exactly the age) I woke up because my brother's friend (he was something like 19-20) was in mine and my sister's bed laying next to me and he was watching me and asked if I wanted to watch TV with him so I said sure and so we watched TV on the couch for awhile and he pulled me on him and took my hand and had me touch him and I don't really remember anything else I'm not sure why it cuts off there but that's all i remember. Another time he said he wanted to teach me how to kiss so he took me in one room and kissed me but that's not like sexual in nature? He took pictures of me too but I don't remember what happened with them I just feel a lot of shame and disgust around myself because I guess I just let him do it and didn't stop him or say anything I just shut down and I don't even remember a significant amount of it so it couldn't have rlly been a big deal it feels like? I thought I remembered more events but I can't bring them to mind no matter how much I try thinking about it and remembering so maybe I just made them up?
Hi anon,
I'm so sorry about what you've been through. You're not alone. Please know that making you touch him can count as CSA. While him "teaching" you how to kiss may not have been sexual, it's still unusual. If the photos he took of you were sexual, this could not only count as CSA, but NCCSA as well.
It's natural as a survivor to have feelings of shame and guilt directed towards yourself. But it's important to recognize that you did nothing wrong, and even if you "let him do it", that doesn't mean that what he did was okay. It's also essential to consider that you were a child, which means that your prefrontal cortex wasn't fully developed. This can sometimes make it harder to comprehend the gravity of the situation or do what you may have seen as the right thing, looking back now. Please remember that you did what you felt was best to survive in that moment.
It's also very common for abuse to trigger survival mode, which can cause survivors to freeze up or shut down. My college therapist shared with me this diagram, which explains the different states of (nonsexual) arousal as part of the polyvagal theory. Please remember that even if you went into freeze mode, you still didn't deserve what happened to you.
It's also natural for trauma survivors to experience repression, which is when our psyche compartmentalizes and hides certain memories that are deemed too intense or overwhelming to recall. It's possible that your inability to remember certain aspects of your experience could be explained by repression. Please know that you're not alone in feeling like you may be making it up, especially when your memories are fuzzy or otherwise unclear.
That being said, it's important for the sake of your mental health to avoid looking for memories that are actively being repressed. Prematurely retrieving repressed memories, especially without the mediation of a mental health professional such as a therapist, can jeopardize your sanity. Repression acts as an airbag between our mental health and trauma. In time, the repression may diminish and your memories may resurface when they're ready to be explored.
If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you process your experiences, the feelings surrounding it, help you come up with some effective coping strategies, and guide you along your healing journey.
If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
1 note
·
View note
Text
A little too late: Signs of a Regretful Ex
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences anyone can go through. When you still have feelings for your ex and are left wondering if they regret their decision to leave, it can be even harder. While it's not always easy to tell if an ex regrets leaving you, there are some signs that can help you identify if they do. Here are some things to look out for:
Frequent communication
One of the most obvious signs that your ex may regret leaving you is if they're reaching out to you frequently. This could be in the form of phone calls, text messages, or social media. If they're initiating contact more often than usual, it could be a sign that they miss you and want to be back in touch.
Jealousy
If your ex is asking about your dating life or bringing up other people they're seeing, it could be a sign that they're feeling jealous and still have feelings for you. They may want to know if you're seeing someone else because they don't want to be replaced, or they may be trying to gauge your level of interest in them.
Nostalgia
If your ex is reminiscing about the good times you had together or bringing up old memories, it could be a sign that they regret breaking up with you. They may be longing for the relationship they had with you and wishing they hadn't let it go.
Increased attention
If your ex is suddenly paying more attention to you than they used to, it could be a sign that they're trying to make up for their past mistakes and show you that they still care. They may be more attentive to your needs or more supportive of your goals than they were before.
Apologies
If your ex is reaching out to apologize for the way things ended between you, it could be a sign that they regret breaking up with you. They may be trying to make amends for any hurt they caused or take responsibility for their part in the relationship's downfall.
Unhappiness
If your ex seems unhappy and unfulfilled since ending things with you, it could be a sign that they regret leaving you and are struggling to move on. They may be feeling lost without you and wondering if they made the right decision.
Indecision
If your ex is indecisive or uncertain about what they want, it could be a sign that they're still processing their emotions and regretting their decision to leave. They may be flip-flopping on whether they want to be in a relationship with you or not, or they may be struggling to move on with their life.
Physical signs
If you see your ex in person and notice that they're acting nervous or fidgety, it could be a sign that they're still feeling regretful about breaking up with you. They may be avoiding eye contact, biting their nails, or exhibiting other nervous behaviors.
Emotional conversations
If your ex is opening up to you emotionally or expressing vulnerability, it could be a sign that they regret breaking up with you. They may be sharing their feelings of regret or sadness with you in the hopes of getting back together.
Changes in behavior
If your ex is making changes in their life that seem to be related to their breakup with you, it could be a sign that they regret their decision to leave. For example, they may be moving back to your area or taking up a hobby you used to enjoy together.
While these signs may indicate that your ex regrets leaving you, it's important to keep in mind that everyone processes breakups differently. Just because your ex is exhibiting some of these behaviors doesn't necessarily mean that they want to get back together with you. However, if you do still have feelings for your ex, it will not hurt if you two talk about it. Who knows, it might be another "and they live happily ever after". Whatever the case maybe, just be prepared.
0 notes
Text
🅑🅐🅓 🅑🅞🅨
__________________________________
🅢🅣🅔🅥🅔 🅡🅞🅖🅔🅡🅢 🅧 🅡🅔🅐🅓🅔🅡
🅡🅔🅠🅤🅔🅢🅣: Aa, idk if your requests are open, but I *love* you sex pollen fics! I was wondering if you'd be able to write one with a dom reader? I don't mind what character, but they get affected by the pollen and are really subby ect? ❤️✨
🅦🅐🅡🅝🅘🅝🅖🅢: brief graphic violence, Smut 18+ (slight bondage, degradation, begging, dom!reader, edging, male masterbation, overstimulation, mommy kink, dom/sub), kinda fluffy aftercare for steve
🅐🅤🅣🅗🅞🅡’🅢 🅝🅞🅣🅔: girl i am not dominant! omlll i hope this was ok, i really tried to step out of my comfort zone a bit with this one but i don’t know if it’s dommy enough :( but i hope it’s what you were hoping for :) it’s long but i think it’s worth the read teehee
__________________________________
“Steve are you alright?” you asked him as he emerged from the greenhouse. He was thrown through the glass roof by high tech Hydra weapons. There was yellow dust clouding his nose and eyes and it looked uncomfortable.
“Yeah, let’s finish this mission and get back!” he started running with you.
Hydra agents flooding in the room stalling you and Steve from getting back to the quinjet. As you were fighting you looked over to Steve to make sure he was still doing alright, you noticed how much more aggressive he was fighting. He smashed their heads in and broke their bones; it was much more violent than how Steve normally fought.
That was something you expected from Nat or Bucky, their lives were violent before the Avengers but Steve was all about stealth and less casualties so seeing him so brutal and cruel was somewhat frightening.
“Steve. Steve!” you pulled him from his rampage.
“What!”
“What’s going on?” you yelled.
“Nothing! Let’s just get back to the quinjet,” he huffed and left.
The ride back home was quiet except for the heavy breathing and grunting that came from Steve practically every minute. You wanted to yell at him for being an annoying little shit but you knew he would rip you apart if you yelled at him again.
Suddenly you received a phone coming in from Tony Stark.
“Hey Tony. We’re on our way back already,” you said.
“Good. We uh, we noticed the Hydra Greenhouse was destroyed, did either you guys go in there or fight anyone in there?” he asked; one the Shield agents reported it to the Avengers Tower.
“Oh yeah Steve was thrown in there through the roof but he's fine now, I think. He’s being extra mean to me though,” you sassed, making Steve roll his eyes as he was eavesdropping.
“Mean? How?” Tony asked.
“Well, he’s being really aggressive. Dude got so angry all of the sudden,” you responded.
“Ok, we’ll talk again you guys get back,” he said and hung up.
When you guys landed Steve had a stern expression and walked uncomfortably to the lab where Tony and the rest of the team were waiting. You and Steve had been sent on the mission alone and it seems like something happened that everyone but you two were aware of.
“What’s going on?” you asked.
Tony and Bruce walked up to Steve and inspected his face. He still had bits of golden pollen stuck to his eyelashes and the tip of his nose. Steve swatted Tony’s hand away and practically growled in anger. His jaw was clenched so tight the muscle bulged from his head.
“He got hit,” Thor said.
“Got hit with what?” Steve saidly rudely.
“The pollen. Hydra confided a greenhouse in Moscow, where you guys were, to experiment on a specific species of flowers found in other galaxies for… breeding. It makes the victim completely lust driven until they well, breed,” Bruce explained.
“What?” you started laughing.
“Is he gonna be impossibly horny now?” you smirked, making Steve roll his eyes.
“The effects can be detrimental to humans when untreated but since Steve has the super soldier serum I’m not sure what could happen,” Thor spoke up.
“How are you feeling Steve?” Nat asked, walking up to him.
“I’m fine,” Steve said.
“Maybe we should take some tests?” Bruce asked.
“No, no, no! Guys I’m fine,” Steve bargain.
“Are you sure?” Bucky asked him.
“Yeah, if I start feeling weird, I’ll come back to the lab, deal?” he said; everyone was skeptical about him considering you reported that Steve became suddenly more aggressive than ever before. It might’ve had something to do with the effects of the pollen.
“Maybe you should just stay. Tony and Bruce can monitor you and you won’t-”
“Nat, I’ll be fine,” Steve interrupted.
“Ok.”
Steve wasn’t fine.
It’s been a few hours since you and Steve got back from the mission and Steve was in excruciating pain. He felt so embarrassed he could even walk to the door without desperately wishing the floor would open up and swallow him.
He had a boner and there was no way in a million years Steve was gonna let anyone catch him like that. Steve spent almost two hours in the shower alone fisting his cock desperate to cum and make it go away but nothing was working.
He even thought about you and you were getting him close but to have you in person would’ve been the cherry on top. Since the stupid enter his system images and thoughts of you and you alone were the only thing he could think about. But there was no way you’d ever have sex with him, even if his life depended on it.
Steve wasn’t really particularly nice to you. And today especially the pollen making him horny as fuck for you made easily aggitated because he could’t get a release. And the serum amplified everything, so he got instantly hit with the effects but played it off thinking it wasn’t going to feel this awful by now.
But again, that didn’t stop him from thinking about your body and how beautiful you were to him; even way before today. Steve always thought relationships should stay out of a workplace especially one so demanding like yours. He knew it was stupid because Wanda and Vision were doing alright, and so was Tony and Pepper.
He told himself that only because his relationship with Sharon was quite awful. But he wanted to try again and try a relationship with you. He wanted to make you laugh, wake up next to you and make breakfast with you together. Maybe even dominate him? Steve had always wanted to try that but Sharon was very vanilla; and you were quite the controlling person, it was sexy as hell he thought.
A knock on the door pulled him out his thoughts of you. He pulled his sweatpants up and opened the door just a crack to avoid practically flashing his guest with his very prominent boner.
“Hey just checking in. it’s been a while since you left the lab, and no one’s seen you come out of your room,” it was you. Steve almost moaned at the sight of you but kept somewhat composure processing what you were saying.
“Yeah, I’m alright,” he stuttered.
“You’re alright?” you said condescendingly.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he pushed out.
“You’re fine,” you whispered, crossing your arms.
“You know the walls are thin,” you smirked.
The small smile on his face dropped because he was sure that you heard his little escapades in the shower.
“So here’s my offer, since it was my name you were so desperately moaning I can either fix your little, well, big problem or I can walk away and tell Tony and everyone else that not only are you experiencing the symptoms of the sex pollen plant that you supposed notify Tony and Bruce in the first place but that you’re also so desperate to fuck me as much as you pretend to deny it,” you spoke smoothly.
Steve breathed out heavily before opening the door defeated letting you in. You smirked excitedly walking into Steve’s room. You would be lying if you said you weren’t completely head over heels for the guy. And that beard you convinced him to grow wasn’t helping your attraction either.
“Strip,” you commanded.
“Pardon?” he quirked an eyebrow.
“Steve, oh baby, tsk, tsk, tsk,” you shook your head, walking up to
“What?”
“You're going to do everything that I ask you to do and the minute you disobey me, I walk out and let you suffer,” you whispered to him, “Got it?”
He nodded. Probably more eager than he meant it to be, which made you giggle.
“So as I said before, strip,” you repeated.
Steve took his shirt off followed by his sweats leaving him in his boxers in front of you.
“Don’t make me repeat myself,” you said sternly.
Steve took his boxers off leaving him completely in the nude; his cock stood tall against his stomach and you were impressed. The sight of him made you grow wet but you are so going to have your fun with him before you even think about taking even your shirt off.
“Get on your knees,” you told him.
Steve didn’t hesitate to kneel in front of you; his dick getting harder with each passing second. The pollen started to affect his mind more now that you were in his proximity. His mind was getting cloudy and all he could start to think about was your delicious scent that made him want to simply ravish you unconditionally.
“How are you feeling?” you mocked him.
“Please,” he whimpered.
“Please what?”
“Please touch me,” he begged.
“Aw, you want me to touch you? Like a little slut? Huh?”
Your words made him whimper and moan.
“Well, someone was being a bad boy today. First you yelled at me when I was trying to help, then you lied to Tony who was also trying to help, and then I find out about your pathetic little crush on me. I don’t think you get what you want just yet, baby.”
You grabbed his chin and sat him on the bed you kneel in front of him, his dick in front of your face aching to be touched. Steve resisted the urge to move his hips towards as you resisted the urge to touch him and pleasure him. But like before, you wanted to have a bit of fun.
“Hm, I want you to keep begging me,” you stood up abruptly, making Steve whimper.
“Please, Y/n, I need you to touch, please it hurts.”
You squinted to eyes unimpressed.
“Mommy, please,” Steve’s hands reached out to you and pulled close. You almost got upset for him touching you without your permission but when he lifted your shirt and pressed delicate little kisses in your tummy you almost caved.
“Mommy; I like it,” you pushed his shoulders down so he laid on the bed.
You walked back a bit putting distance in between you and took off your shirt leaving a bra on; one you had specifically put on because it made you feel the sexiest. Steve’s eyes widen slightly before drooping completely admiring the skin you put on display for him; even if it's just your shoulders and stomach for now.
“Touch yourself,” you commanded.
Steve reached down and quickly stroked his cock; his hands moving up and down rapidly chasing his release. You moved your hand to your breast and squeezed one just to tease Steve some more; biting your lip seductively.
Steve’s moans got louder and with you standing right there teasing him and mocking him, he was finally, after hours of trying to climax, he was finally reaching the edge. You watched him closely and when his hand began to stutter you spoke up.
“Stop.”
“What?” he breathed out.
“You heard me.”
You did this for an hour and a half. Now you sat naked on the sofa chair in his room rubbing your fingers on your clit about to cum for the third time while Steve still had yet to cum. They were tears running down his distressed face. Whimpers and whines and moans choked out of him as he was being edged for far too long than he’d like.
“You ready, my fucking man whore,” you stalked up to him.
“Please, mommy. Please fuck me, I need so bad,” Steve reached for you with shaky hands.
“You’re so fucking cute when you beg,” you mocked, straddling his hips.
Steve’s hands rubbed your thighs and you lined his cock with your entrance. You sunk down and moaned already so sensitive from your previous orgasms. Your hands rested against Steve’s chest as he screwed his eye shut; an overwhelming sensation coming over him.
You rocked your hips back and forth rubbing your clit against his pelvis bringing you close to your final orgasm. Steve whimpered under you and moaned beautifully. His hips bucked up into you ferociously hitting a particular spot that made you moan loudly and high pitched.
“Fuck, Stevie. Your cock feels so good,” you leaned down to whisper.
“Fuck I’m so close,” he cried.
“You wanna come? You wanna come inside me?” you teased.
“Please mommy, let me come, please,” he begged.
“You gonna be a good boy if I do?”
“Yes!”
“Go on, baby boy. Come for me.”
Steve came with a shout of your name and you felt the hot spurts of cum coating your walls making you come in time with him. Steve's chest had a layer of sweat of the flushed redden skin. He panted under you, his body shaking vigorously but his face had a small smile and his hands rubbed your back and cheeks when you fell forward after climaxing.
“Holy fuck, I think that did it,” Steve chuckled.
“I had a great time,” you laughed.
You got up and went to his bathroom to grab a washcloth soaked with warm water and a bit of soap. You went back to Steve cleaning his pelvis and dick that slick with yours and his cum. His body was still trembling but not as drastic as before, and when you placed the warm washcloth on his skin his body jerked lightly.
As you cleaned him you pressed soft kisses to his stomach and chest making him sigh in content. You went back and cleaned yourself privately and came out with a new washcloth slightly less warm to cool his skin down since his body got very hot from being edged for the past hour and half and not even being able to get close all day before you came.
He stayed still, eyes focused to the ceiling feeling solace by your soft touch cleaning him up. When you finished you gathered your clothes to dress yourself so you could leave him to rest and then the next pretend like nothing of this happened.
“Hey wait,” he said, making you look at him trying your best to cover your modesty. You played a part and now that the small agreement was over you felt a bit shy under Steve’s gaze who still looked at you lustfully.
“Don’t you wanna stay?” he said softly.
“I didn’t think you wanted me to,” you smiled sadly. You did genuinely like him; even when he wasn’t particularly nice to you sometimes. But you didn’t think he felt the same way even after the effects of the pollen. You thought maybe he only desired you because you were the first person he laid eyes on when he got hit with the pollen.
“The pollen wore off, doll. Come to bed. You tired me out,” he laughed and moved in hands gesturing you to come to him.
“Why are you still being weird then?” you smiled softly.
“Get your ass in bed with me so we can cuddle; fuck you’re so stubborn.”
“I’m just trying to figure out why you’re so obsessed with me all of the sudden,” you teased.
“Doll, I’ve been obsessed since I laid my eyes on you,” he said closing his eyes, which made you gasp dramatically.
“You were dating Sharon when we met!”
“Sh! Go to sleep,” he buried his face in your neck.
“Ugh, bad boy,” you playfully hit him.
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll get even with ya next time, and we’ll see who’s being bad then,” he whispered sensually making you excited. Maybe the pollen wasn’t such a bad thing.
Taglist:
@mathletemadison
#steve rogers#steve rogers smut#steve x reader#steve x y/n#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers x y/n#steve x you#steve rogers x you#steve rogers x female reader#dom!reader#sub!steve rogers#sex pollen#steve rogers sex pollen#marvel smut
894 notes
·
View notes
Note
hey undine! you mentioned having a writing partner that you write with—i was wondering how you make that work mechanically. any tips for co-writing?
p.s. hope you’re doing super well💞
I've actually been considering doing an entire series of posts on co-writing if that's something that people are interested in learning more about 🤔 Because believe me, I have so many thoughts, feelings, and theories about it since it's my life.
The biggest tip that I have for anyone attempting to co-write is to find the right person. Co-writing can be an incredibly intimate and personal experience because writing is something that is near and dear to our hearts. Sharing that with someone can make this hobby so much more enjoyable and less isolating because you always have someone to talk to, who knows the story exactly as well as you do, and someone who is equally invested. On the other hand, when it doesn't work, it can be devastating and really difficult.
You're probably going to be talking to your partner a lot, and you have to make sure that you're (literally and figuratively!) on the same page. I think compatibility and chemistry is so important in co-writing. The ideal writing partnership is with someone who shares your vision, who makes you so excited to write with them, and someone who gets equally as excited to write with you. And it's a hard journey! There's a lot of disappointments and partnerships that don't work out along the way, and it can be taxing.
The mechanics of co-writing is a little harder to define because there are so many ways to co-write. You and your partner will need to figure out what works best for both of you, and chances are it'll take a lot of trial and error.
For me and my partner, we have found that a roleplay-style of co-writing is the most effective method for us. I write for the characters that I've created, and my partner writes for theirs. Then we go back and forth, writing for those characters. I think the easiest way to conceptualize what we do is by thinking of dialogue. I write my character saying something, then my partner writes their character's response. I write my character's response to that, and so on and so forth.
We do a very rapid back-and-forth where we write anywhere between one line to several paragraphs before passing it onto the other to continue the narrative. Character interaction is a massive part of our co-writing.
Rather than having a very detailed outline, we usually discuss vague ideas that we have as a starting point for a scene and anything we might want to accomplish. Then we just usually let our characters take over and vibe off each other, and follow wherever they take us.
One additional thing that we're very deliberate about is avoiding head hopping. When you're writing with someone else, it's very easy (and common) to go back and forth into the perspective of our own characters. So we've created a process and a writing style where my main character is the POV character. I write all of the internal monologue in our WIP because that's my strength in writing. My writing partner is a lot better at writing action, so they're the one who moves the scene along with their characters, and write the actions/words of their characters without delving into what's going on in their mind. We've found that this has really made our writing seamless, and like one person is writing it, rather than two.
Obviously there's a lot more that goes into this, so if anyone is interested in learning more about what we do, feel free to come ask or chat about co-writing! But this should serve as a quick rundown for the process that my partner and I have.
#writing#writeblr#writing advice#cowriting#collaborative writing#writing partner#undine answers stuff#undine gives advice#hello aren!#i'm doing GREAT right now since i just started my winter break#i hope that you are too#i missed chatting with you over my very long hiatus!#i've really enjoyed seeing what you were up to when i would occasionally peek in#and i'd love to catch up sometimes~
60 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
tipsdeyei
Tipsdeyei
twihardsposts
Twilight Fanpage
beauty-starts-with-frog
Silver Savior
99levopois
99, levo pois
vylettecali
Vylette & Cali