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rvb-canon-grimmons · 24 hours

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RVB RESTORATION THOUGHTS!!!!

LONG POST IM SO SORRY I HAD A LOT OF FEELINGS

(Im so sorry this got so long, but i got emotional while writing it so please bear with me, read this like its the morning paper while u eat breakfast or something i have alot to say)

Before I go into the things I didn't like I do want to focus on some positives.

-Like I said in an earlier post, Geoff's acting…he absolutely killed it, and maybe this is because I'm a little bit Geoff/Grif biased but he was giving so much emotion and everyone else felt a little bit flat. Also only he could have delivered the "Come with me" line with so much Homoeroticism -I Had a pretty fun time watching the fight in the second half, The references to Monty we're sweet and getting to see Tex and Carolina fight together was pretty epic! -A good handful of jokes got me good. "23rd in my class" Shelia translating Caboose's Spanish to Lopez

Ok……. the next bit of this will get a little bit negative, but I do want to say this is coming from a place of deep love and care for this series. I have run this blog for like 6/7 years now and I've been a fan of this show for double that. My biggest fear is that fans get the same treatment we did when no one liked RVBZero. I have criticisms. This is a 21 year old series that so many people have had a part in and so many have loved. I was not looking for perfection, I wasn't even looking for something good. I was looking for an ending to the stories of characters people have held in their hearts for 21 years. Unfortunately, what I feel we were left with was a hastily thrown together hour of basically nothing.

-Why weren't they friends…..Why weren't they friends…No one cared for the others. I understand that we have semi warped perceptions of the characters from fanon works and things of that nature. But even in canon, the reds and blue care about each other. On their own team and the other team. Simmons, Grif, Tucker, and Caboose spent MONTHS together in chorus and same for Donut/Sarge/Wash. I've recently rewatched blood gulch and Caboose and Sarge have a great dynamic! Tucker and Grif canonically get along pretty well. Simmons was ON BLUE TEAM for like a hot minute there. THEY KNOW EACH OTHER AND CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. This was zero percent present in this film. No one had any motivation to look for Tucker. No one cared that it was Tuckers body inside the suit. THE REDS LEFT CABOOSE FOR DEAD!!!!!! THEY JUST LEFT HIM!!!!

-Tucker, I'm so sorry baby girl, this was supposed to be your arc, your moment. You were hardly in it. No build up to how he became the Meta. The scene where he breaks out of it to not kill caboose was the best part of the arc. And he just wakes up and remembers it "like someone elses Nightmare??" ok sure

-Wash………………WHAT THE FUCK???? WHAT THE FUCK???????????????? WHAT THE FUCK??????? WHAT THE FUCK???? TO RUIN THIS MANS ENTIRE CHARACTER ARC BY MAKING HIM COMPLETELY OBSOLETE. PUTTING HIM IN SOME RANDOM HOSPITAL FOR AN UNKNOWN INJURY THAT HAPPENS OFF SCREEN AND ISN'T EXPLAINED. HAVE HIM HALUCINATING DOC FOR SOME FUCKING REASON. HAVE HIM SHOW UP TO THE FINAL BATTLE AND DO ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING BUT JUMP OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND NOT SAY A WORD TO ANY OF THE RED AND BLUES I AM LIERALLY ABOUT TO FUCKING CRY TYPING THIS I AM LITERALLY SO FUCKING PISSED OFF. AGENT WASHINGTON, THE CHARACTER THAT WAS SO HAPPY IN THE SEASON RIGHT BEFORE CHORUS JUST TO BE ON BLUE TEAM AND HAVE A FUCKING FAMILY AGAIN. JUST SIDELINE HIM FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THEN NOT LET HIM SPEAK TO ANY OF HIS FRIENDS EXCEPT CAROLINA AND DEAD DOC. AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT TUCKER BEING THE META WAS LITERALLY A PLOT POINT CATERED TO HAVE WASH BE INVOLVED. THIS IS LIKE AGENT WASHINGTON ANGST BAIT 101. YES IM A TUCKINGTON SHIPPER BUT PUT ALL SHIPPING ASIDE, THEY WERE STILL FRIENDS, THEY WERE FRIENDS THEY WERE FRIENDS.

Grimmons. I am disappointed. But really not surprised. Honestly for everything I disliked I thought Grimmons was handled ok… at this point im like….. they couldn't even throw us a bone. company was dying, final season airing, and they couldn't even throw us a solid Grimmons queerbait joke. Its whatever….I don't wanna get too upset about shipping because at the end of the day, ships becoming canon isn't what shipping is all about (says Tumblr user "RVB-Canon-Grimmons) you get what im saying.

-Donut…..where was he…..Fucking Homophobic honestly

-DOC IS DEAD?????????????????????????????? FUCKING WHY???

-Sarge's death was fine, I'm not upset by it I just didn't feel like it was emotionally satisfying. Especially after the shock of them leaving Caboose and the much better scene of tucker fighting the meta's control over him to not hurt caboose.

-PEOPLE CALLED U SIR ALL THROUGHOUT CHORUS SIMMONS WHAT THE FUCK??????????? WHY IS SIMMONS PROMOTED AND INCHARGE OF NO ONE???? WHY DID GRIF LEAVE HIM???

Im sorry………..this is so long………just remeber this is only my opinions and if u don't agree thats totally ok!!!!! I am just a critical bitch….

#rvb #grimmons #rooster teeth #red vs blue #rvb grimmons #rvb restoration #agent washington #tuckington #rvb restoration spoilers

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minas-linkverse · 1 day

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how old is hero, physically? they look young, a similar age to the rest of the cast- but why? does she have a say in how old he looks? if so, why did she pick this age? or, if he has no say in it, why do they look that age?

hero is everyone, right? because they're the hero's spirit? i know most of the cast is pretty young right now, but i assume they'll all grow up later, and personally if i was an adult and then my ghost/spirit was a child i would be pretty unhappy with that

Oooh what a facinating question... 😮

He's a young adult, I'd say 25 maybe? Like the kind of age a kid would think is old but when u reach that age it feels like youre a fraud and not a "real" adult

The meta reasons for why are:

- I wanted him to be recognisable as Link, and most of us imagine even adult Links on the younger side of adulthood due to the games.

- Hero's role in the story is inspired largely by some events in my own life. I'm only 22 when writing this so its pretty easy to guess I wasn't very old when those things occured haha.

- It's very important to me that Hylia and Hero's dynamic is read in a very specific way! The things I want to say are very much tied to the idea of a maternal figure and someone who isn't quite independent yet. Again, this is because of me writing from experience.

Of course an older Hero could work, youre never too old to have troubles with your mom. Just that it works better for my intentions this way.

TLDR; She looks like that cause it works the best (in my opinion) for telling a very personal storyline.

But

That doesn't answer the question in universe at all. AND I'll admit I hadn't put much thought into that until your ask! So thank you!

However... The answer for now at least is uh... I dont know why hero in-universe appears like that. It may even be better left open for people to make their own conclusions.

Still I dont like leaving people empty-handed and this post could still be longer lol✌

Here's some plausible ideas, pick ur fav:

- She doesn't choose to appear younger but that is how the goddesses see him so it just happens

- He CAN control how they look and doesn't feel ready to exist as an older adult yet.

- She's aging alongside Hylia who's older than her.

- Maybe he feels stuck in a specific moment or moments due to bad experiences

- He hasnt considered it either and if u asked she'd have an extential crisis cause they dont know eitheer....

TLDR part 2: I dont know why he look like that actually.

#Ask #Hope this makes sense ajsjjf #Im actively going to bed while typing this

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lover-of-mine · 18 hours

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I so agree with everything you said. The difference of reactions when you didn't ship their previous relationship vs when you don't ship B/T is very telling (same with the fact that when some people talked about a cheating storyline, the reactions were always "it would be bad for Buck to do this to Tommy" but apparently it would have been okay if Eddie did this to a woman?? okay lmao)

What I don't understand is how people say that it's Buck's most developed LI/relationship. Like? We don't know that much about him. People have created (themselves and via the actor's cameos) lots of headcanons but that doesn't mean that they are canon.

To me, he really still feels like a love interest device for now. Like with the scene of the kiss in the last episode, they could have include some mentions of another date, whether past or a future one, but they didn't. The kiss was just there to be able to have Buck come out to the rest of the family, but it didn't bring anything more about B/T (we don't know if they saw each other since the coffee date/if it was their second kiss or if there was already more).

Literally. Like, look, I will say one thing, if buddie had hooked up at that bachelor party only one person would be cheating and that's Eddie. Buck and Tommy did not have a we're exclusive talk. They actually had a we can figure things out as we go talk. Personally, I don't think that counts as an we are together conversation, but that's my opinion. But either way no one seemed to care about the Eddie side of it. Eddie who is literally in a relationship serious enough he asked her to move in with him the episode before. But sure, that doesn't count because they hate Edy and forget Marisol exists (I do too, but I spent the whole time saying we shouldn't make the bisexual dude help his best friend cheat because I did not forget Eddie would be cheating and that would be bad no matter what). And to say T is the most developed love interest is a straight up lie. Taylor had a whole season as Buck's friend before they got together. She had a personality, flaws, qualities, she even got her very own tragic background episode. Say what you want about anything, and yes they sucked as a couple, but bucktaylor was developed. On screen. To a point where if the show actually wanted to, which they clearly didn't because they used the s4 Taylor development to stir her away from Buck instead of closer, they could've made bucktaylor work, they just had to make her as intense about Buck as she is with the job, and they could've been a very interesting golden retriever boyfriend/black cat girlfriend dynamic (good god I can't believe this fandom is making me defend fucking bucktaylor). Buck and T had one scene alone before they were kissing. Tommy has no established personality. Pretty much everything about him besides the begins episodes part of him (that dont paint him in the best light) we learned second hand. Through interviews. It's not even things that are being said to the audience in the show. I'm pretty sure the only things we learned from the show are the way he's a pilot, he was in the army, he likes wrestling, cars, and basketball. I could be wrong, fandom annoyed me so much I blackout every time I see him at this point. But he's not developed? He's just a guy? Don't get me wrong, he could be developed. There is space for it. But right now, he is there to serve as a device for Buck to find his bisexuality and that's it. They kissed twice. They went on half a date T left in the middle of. They went out for coffee and decided to figure things out as they went. He was at the hospital after the wedding to work as a way for Buck to come out without making him go around telling everyone. He exists around Buck. And that's it. Personally I don't see the endgame material people keep seeing. I don't see the development either. And anyone can headcanon anything, really go off, have fun with your ship, but people seriously need to stop acting like what Lou is saying in cameos counts as canon. Being in the fandom right now is exhausting because people just decided things about T and BT that are not backed by canon and they get real aggressive if you don't agree. I seriously am dying to see what's gonna happen if canon goes against the idealized version of him fanon created. I don't know if it's gonna happen but by god will I be entertained by it if it does.

#911 #anti bucktommy #at this point im just adding this to be safe #i really need a tag for asks #anon 😌

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sturnsbabie · 8 hours

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DEAR OWEN AND LEO

PART TWO: THE NURSERY

pairing: dad!nate x sls!reader

summary: nate and sls get their twins room ready and they have a surprise for her brothers.

warnings:swearing,mentions of pregnancy,fluff.

it had been a few days since nate and i moved into our apartment.we finally have everything organized and unpacked except for the twins room.

we were gonna work on that today at some point. right now we were currently in the car on our way home from shopping for nursery items and a few clothes.

my brothers were gonna meet us at our apartment to help nate build the cribs and dressers.

once we got to the apartment the boys were waiting on us and they helped nate carry all the heavy stuff as nick helped me carry all the clothes.

the boys painted the babies room a offwhite color a few days ago while i spent the day with my mom because its not good for me to breathe paint fumes while pregnant.

we put up the babies name signs up first and the wall decorations. their room was a off white color. the signs were in a circle and it said their names in cursive and bold print in black and white. owen matthew and leo antonio.

then they had a few little initals hung up along with two little signs that said owen and leo on them.

the theme of their room was zoo animals. nate and i both picked it out together. it was just a simple but sweet nursery.

after a few hours the boys got done with building the cribs,dresser and rocking chair. everything was set up and it was starting to hit me that i could have the twins in 5 months or less.

the room was complete me and nate just needed to put away all the clothes and stuff like that but we would do it another day.

i stood in the babies room with my brothers and nate and hugged him while i got teary eyed because of how cute the babies room is.

“aw dont cry princess”he chuckled as he wiped my tears pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

“im just so inlove with their room its perfect i want to meet my babies already nate!” i said as i full on started to sob.

“they cant wait to meet mommy either but they’re not ready to come out yet they still have a lot of growing to do.”nate said as he rubbed my back soothingly.

her brothers just stood there in awe watching how nate was with the girl. they were so happy that it was him she was with and having babies by. deep down matt and nick knew the two would eventually end up together, chris knew too as much as he tried to deny it.

chris started getting teary eyed at his sister. “you’re making me cry sis”he said as he pulled her into a hug.

they all spent the evening together just watching movies as they ate wing stop for dinner. the girls biggest craving.

.•°♡°•.

it was now a month later. i was five almost six months pregnant now.nate and i were on our way to pick up my brothers because we were surprising them with taking them to a 3d ultrasound to see the twins.

they were going back to la soon for awhile, and they all have been talking about how they wanna see the twins at the ultrasound so i figured since they left for la in two days i would give them what they wanted.

we picked them up and headed to the ultrasound place without them knowing where we were going.

“cmon!just tell me already!!” chris whined.

“chris the whole purpose of a surprise is to be surprised!” nick said rolling his eyes.

i giggled. “were almost there chris youll see when we get there.” i said.

it was about a twenty minute drive from my moms to the ultrasound place, but we were about ten minutes away now.

i was super excited to see my babies faces again, and let my brothers see them too.

the twins were growing so good and they were healthy and everything was perfect with them.

once we got to the place chris gasped “am i gonna see owen!!?” he said.

“yeah you guys get to see your nephews today.”i said.

“come on lets go inside!”matt said excitedly.

nick was laughing as he was vlogging. nate and i gave my brothers permission to be able to talk and post about my pregnancy. the fans loved all the littke updates they would give them and theyd show pictures of my bumpdate. i find it so cute how my brothers loved being involved with my pregnancy and giving the fans updates.

we were now in the back of the ultrasound place and the nurse had me pull my shirt up revealing my bump so she could put the gel they use for the ultrasound on.

as soon as she put the gel on my belly she put the wand on my belly moving it around and showing little glimpses of the twins.

i looked over at my brothers and saw nick filming the ultrasound and matt was just in awe.

chris stood beside me watching the ultrasound. “which one is owen!” chris said excitedly.

“there he is chris.” i said pointing to him.

owen was just moving around in my belly a bit as leo was smiling.

chris got teary eyed taking his phone out and recording his nephews. matt was smiling and nick was pointing at the twins telling the camera which is which.

suddenly on the ultrasound screen you can see owen kicking leo. chris laughed “yeah thats my nephew” he said and everyone laughed.

nate chuckled. “son you better behave!” he said.

suddenly owen gives a big smile that melts my heart. i loved when we were able to see them and they would give small smiles.

“hes so cute” chris said as was sniffling.

“they both are so cute i cant wait for them to br born!” nick said as he sat the camera down to enjoy the moment now.

“look at little leo!”matt said excitedly.

the ultrasound tech printed out some pictures for us and the boys to keep. my brothers were excited to have their own ultrasound pictures of their nephews.

we left the ultrasound and headed back to my moms house. all the boys were talking about is their nephews and how excited they are. chris even got a photo frame to put owens picture in along with nick and matt putting both of the twins in their own frame.

just three more months til these sweet babies are here.

TAGLIST: @sturniololoves , @shinycreationtimemachine ,

@amaliarosewood , @realuvrrr , @certifiednatelover , @chr1sgirl4life , @thatssocancelled , @aurora-merritt , @ilovechrissturniolosposts , @sturniolo04 , @luvvholly

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets imagines #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo imagine #christopher sturniolo #christopher sturniolo imagines #matt sturniolo imagines #chris sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo #matthew sturniolo imagines #nathan doe smut #nate doe imagines #nate doe

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astral-gamma · 1 day

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bsd x reader when some bsd men are talking to another woman or person and they seem to be getting just a liiiittle too comfy so reader get jealous and is clingy all day but doesn't speak and/or ignores them. reader can be fem or gn

fluff , no smut or seggs pls

chars: fyodor, nikolai, dazai, ranpo and whoever else you want! (but maily fyodor cuz i'm a s.i.m.p)

(i can see reader just dragging niko where ever she/they go but don't even make eye contact with him)

u wanted requests and i thoughts of this so you can do it whenever u want and also thank you!

Characyers: Fyodor-Dazai-Nikolai-Ranpo (separeted) making reader jealous ^^

Note!: this took so long yet i couldve done much better 'cause i dont really like it *cries*

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ── ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ── ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ── ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ──

FYODOR

Fyodor has been spending the whole day with this cute girl and ignoring you, it's not as we was cheating on you,you knew that, and you also knew that she Was just a pice for a new plan of his… yet he was only looking at her you kinda felt bad and sad. you felt a shockwave go through you as you saw him smiling with her, a sudden jealously that I had not expected. His enthusiastic motions drew her in like a magnet as he leaned in a bit too near. You observed from a distance, creating fantastical stories about their friendship in your head. What were the secrets they were sharing during those giggly conversations? you couldn't help but feel irritated by his lack of interest.

As the day went by , dusk approached, the boy with darker locks eventually decided to come back to the house you shared.

Your cheeks were still wet from the tears you had just cried, and you were already fast asleep, cuddled up under the covers of your large bed. Fyodor, who was incredibly smart despite everything, saw this and knew right once what was going on.He knew what was coming for the day when he woke up the next morning with you in his arms (obviously, it wasn't bothering him in the least; in fact, he was just glad to have you close)... He probably knew that you had no intention of leaving him for at all, and for the rest of the day, Fyodor tried to work but was distracted by your soft touches and gentle actions. Eventually, he gave up and paid attention to you, giving you the cuddles and small gestures that you sorely needed.

"Still jealous my Mishka?"

You said nothing just stayed in is warmth “oh my,my dear i love you and you only”

DAZAI

we all know how dazai flirts with all girls but this time he went over the limit and spent the whole time talking to the waitress despite her and YOUR discomfort. It was supposed to be your date and what does he do? Flirts and is with another girl!!!?

When you were then on your way home he tried to talk to you and start a conversation but your responses were a simple "mh mh" or "yeah sure" in a cold and uncaring tone and this behavior went on until the next morning. You had calmed down and were getting up and noticed that the raven-haired boy had already disappeared to who knows where....

You got ready to go to work and noticed that your boyfriend was already there,without thinking much about it I took the chair and stood beside him linking your arms to his upper arm

He looked at you with a confused look

"Bella! You need"

No answer

"Bella?"

No answer,just you snuggling into his arm

He understood and left you there while he did everything but work

NIKOLAI

Having a bright and cheeky nature, Nikolai would naturally draw attention from others.

You observed with a sinking heart as Nikolai struck up conversations with appealing girls.

You wondered, your mind racing with uncertainties and fears, "What if Nikolai prefers the company of those girls over me?"

You couldn't get rid of the uneasy sensation in the air that night as they sat by the fireplace because you couldn't look Nikolai in the eyes."What troubles you, my love?" With a soft voice, Nikolai questioned.

But you remained silent.You rushed up from where you were sitting and hopped on him, giving him a tight embrace without saying anything. The man realized after some consideration that you were probably overthinking things.

Nikolai held your hands in his and soothed your anxious state with kind words of passion and love as his eyes softened with tenderness. He explained that while he appreciated the beauty of others, it was you who held the key to his heart, and no one else was comparable to you.

RANPO

Ranpo acts and behaves in a very childish manner; he is direct in everything he says and does, frequently acting without hesitation.

He doesn't even understand it at first—he's the greatest investigator in all of Japan, yet he's incredibly naive—he doesnt even realise hes making you jealous and kinda feel bad.He didn't even look at you during a investigation in which you were tasked with assisting him, and he ignored you if you had something to say. All he was thinking about was that case and how he could make himself stand out and demonstrate that he was the greatest, the smartest, he and he only...

You'd be lying if you said this behavior wasn't upsetting you.You choose to remain in the distance, maybe to let time pass or in hopes that someone would eventually take notice of you.

Ranpo only returned to you a few hours later, mumbling about how foolish everyone was in comparison to him after Ranpo's Ultra Deduction had solved the case.

You didn't respond, and he realized right away—not because of his incredible deduction, per se, but also because he observed your depressing attitude.

He let you snuggle and love him because he knew deep down thats what you wanted and opened his arms to make you feel better and in hope you'll forgive him.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs hcs #nikolai gogol #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #nikolai gogol x reader #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #ranpo imagines #ranpo edogawa #ranpo x reader #bsd ranpo #dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai x fem reader #dazai x you #edogawa ranpo x reader #edogawa ranpo

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dirtytransmasc · 9 months

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alicole, but they're not in love in the traditional sense. like, they're just so desperate for meaningful, intimate, personal relationships where they can be vulnerable with another person, that they turn to find solace in one another.

like I'm not saying they're like a qpr or some variation of it, or like, that do to their individual traumas and experiences with love and relationships and sex in the past that their relationship has a aro/ace undertones to it... but that's also exactly what I'm saying, I just don't know how to fully articulate the concept in my head.

they don't have sex, they tried, but both ended up feeling sick to their stomachs, their touch burned one another a skin, and Alicent felt trapped like she had with Viserys for all those years, not only because of how her trauma effected her view of sex, but also because she was once again forcing herself to sleep with a man when she had no desire for it.

instead they hold one another steady, offer kind words, spend time with one another simply because it is nice to find leisure in other people. Cole helps with the kids, giving them some semblance of a father figure, of a protector and nurturer.

touch is a complicated subject, so foreign and damaged that the thought of it is nauseating, but in time it comes naturally.

she is not his, he holds no claim over her, and he is more than ok with that. he offers himself in his entirety, swearing his life to her and her children. they are not one, but they make each other whole.

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moonlit-orchid · 5 months

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Sitting here wishing my ADHD was more severe just so people could realise I actually have a problem-

#adhd #probably adhd #undiagnosed neurodivergent #undiagnosed adhd #stuff like this makes me doubt if i have adhd at all #i tried to explain how when i was doing my gcse preparations i would take a day to do an essay #“oh it takes us a whole week”#NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEAN #I HAD A WEEK TO DO IT BUT I LEFT IT TO THE LAST DAY #ON THE LAST DAY I COULDNT PROCESS THE QUESTION #I KNEW WHAT IT WANTED. I KNEW WHAT I SHOULD WRITE. BUT I ALSO DIDNT #i love english. both language and literature #but it would take me hours to even work out what i was supposed to write unless it was under timed exam conditions #when it was timed the panic would put me into hyperdrive #but i only realised last night that maybe taking a full day to work out what to write on a simple essay might not be normal #but then people point out that this kinda thing is normal and i just. dont know.#do i have adhd or am i just giving myself excuses for being slow #or do i expect others to be so much faster and see myself as slow in comparison #im so sure i have adhd but i dont know either

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 days

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...

#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan #i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch #shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else #even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress #but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside #academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project #i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send #myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it #but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or #maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something #just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there #it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so #tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing #ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position #and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle #sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux #i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices #even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it #unrelated

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the-casbah-way · 9 months

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i think every university student who has a job and studies at the same time deserves everything they want forever actually

#yeah this is about me #i dont think people realise how fucking hard it is to do both and not go insane #ITS HARD ENOUGH TO DO ONE AND NOT GO INSANE #i wish uni would cut some slack to students who have to work and be more understanding w deadlines and stuff #especially bc jobs act like said job is your entire life and expect you to drop everything when an extra shift comes up #work drains me so fucking much that i just have no physical or mental energy left even back when my shifts were only four hours #how do you expect me to go to a shift then go to classes right after and then spend the evening doing mandatory reading #i rlly wanna know how other people manage it. i really dont think there *is* a way to manage it when you are neurodivergent and Sick #do not get me wrong im grateful to have a job and be able to work i just wish i didnt need to so i could focus on uni #i feel like im going to end up with a worse degree class than im actually capable of because i just cant spend the time on uni that i want

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heavenlydreamangelflyhigh · 1 year

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moms getting competitive w her eating disorder again

#she keeps mimicking how ive been living and now that ive been sliding back and restricting again due to stress #she's been body checking around me more talking about how much she works out how 'toned' she looks #and dishing up smaller portions than me only eating half and then saying 'oh i'm so full...marie #if you can't finish yours just throw the rest out...'#she had her friend over yesterday and the poor woman made the mistake of confiding in my mother and i about her ed #and i gave her some advice for recovery & let her know that anorexia is hard to tackle esp when you're taking care of someone else at the #same time but its doable..and she was asking about what i do when i relapse #and obv i didnt go into detail so as not to like. give any ideas. but it was nice to have someone Nice to relate to on that front #immediately my mom jumps in with 'oh i restrict too! thats what i do! i go days without eating and count my calories.#marie doesnt work out like i do because their therapist said not to..but i work out so i can stay toned and confident.' like no you dont #it hurts me that shes doing this shit to herself but i know shes doing it in front of me to feel superior because she Always Has #its CYCLICAL with her. as soon as my gf left the mask came back off and she was right back to the mama i know #using MY CLOTHES to body check using MY MIRROR infront of me i feel insane.#like i told her i feel disgusting because i gained two pounds and im at 114 now and she immediately started talking about her weight and #that we need to stop buying 'junk food'#MOMM....OH MY GOOOD...#whatever whatever . i'll get over it in a few mins im just pissy in general and i feel like i live with a 15 yr old sometimes.#ed ment #i will say it uswd to be worse when she wasnt in therapy n shit but hhghhthtnf even my dad who is Never Home has picked up pn it and has #started checking her and telling her to keep it between yhem bc i dont. i canr handle that rn dude

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panspy · 26 days

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hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#i think this is an autism related thing #but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in #like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about #and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but #it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared #this is specifically in regards to working #like having a job. like going to work #i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating #in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience #i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared #like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW #and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start #im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant #not even a full year of working #i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms #and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go #i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have #ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow #i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed #and im talking about each micro step inbetween #what am i missing #and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being #supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING #jesus christ #manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe #i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves #around me. i know this #i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i #genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive

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bo0zey · 1 year

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Did I miss "back from the war" recreation or is that not happening

OK so i've been meaning to address this for a while because it’s actually something i've been genuinely annoyed/sad/upset about; my original plan to recreate the post was to go to riot fest & have someone take pics of me during MCR live in person (caption wouldve been something like ‘when will mcr--omg they;re Back from the Warfdskns’ lol idk). i ended up 2nd row from the barrier & i was like OMG bc i didn’t expect to get so close & i was like ‘WOW these r gonna b such GR8 PICTURES!!i;m so lucky!!this is gENIUS!’ & so my plan was literally going according to/even better than planned right?? i mean the fact that i was ~a few feet away from the stage n was ~1.5hrs away from seeing mcr LIVE??? my plan was going along SUSPICIOUSLY well..everything was falling into place TOO perfectly...it was almost to good to be true right??? IT WAS. everything went to shit & my plan fell thru during the last band before MCR when my body suddenly fell victim to the effects of being crowd crushed for >7 hours straight; i experienced syncope & was pulled over the barrier & out of the pit by security.

sooooo, you didn’t ‘miss’ anything; the post was supposed to be recreated at the concert, but the universe pulled an uno-reverse on me when it remembered i’m on the universal ‘Do Not Ever Allow to Be Truly Happy’ list lol. i meant to post an update abt my failed plan afterwards, but tbh the actual event in itself made me wanna fr kms, and i felt even guiltier/worse for being unable to fulfill my promise to u all bc i fr planned on recreating it at the concert. 'ok but u were still at the concert after u got pulled out’ ok physically yes but mentally N-Ooo. due to the hypoxia (lack of blood blow/oxygen to the brain) i’d obtained secondary to being crowd crushed PLUS the psychological trauma of being removed against my living breathing dying will from the pit (btw the psychological trauma has nothing to do with being crowd-crushed but im not gonna get into that turmoil rn lol), i was stuck in an altered mental state for the remainder of the concert. i was dissociated for mcr’s entire set until i woke up the next morning & it took ~3-4 days for my body to fully recover from the physical trauma of being crowd crushed.

i still plan on recreating the post eventually, but tbh it’s not rlly my top priority atm bc 1) i still can’t come to terms w/ the fact i lost my 1 n only chance to experience MCR live & 2) imo seeing MCR live was the perfect opportunity to recreate the post & that clearly didn’t work out for me sooo now i have no idea how else i can top that idea :( .

#i have an idea but i’m not sure if it’ll work...imma need mcr 2 pull thru n meet me halfway on this 1 lol #anywyas i h8 talking abt riot fest i feel like every1 h8s me whining abt it too lol #i was so angry and upset with the world and myself. i really tried so hard to stay conscious;#ppl were asking if i was ok & i kept nodding yes because i didn’t want to be pulled out of the pit bc #then i’d lose my spot + my ONLY chance to see MCR live & so up close.#next thing i know i’m being pulled over the barrier by security and WHOOSH into dissociationville i go.#they were too much for my brain to handle so i’d just fall back even more into that weird dissociated state #i honestly would have preferred to not have even attended the concert. like HONESTLY 100% deadass i wish i didnt even go.#like imagine urself in my shoes lol i went from being 2nd row from the stage to like 70000 rows away.#yall dont understand how awful it is to have such a golden opportuntiy to be 1 hr n a few feet away from the band who saved u #to having it all ripped away from u in literally a matter of seconds #if i’d just stayed home my 12y/o little wouldn’t have had to experience the psychological trauma of having everything to having nothing.#my 15/16 year old teen wouldnt have had to re-live the experience of realizing there’s nothing left #in this world to comfort/protect/save her OR her childself #22 year old me realizing i failed them and all the other parts of me. i cant be happy i cant have shit in this world #i couldnt have my mom but at least i had mcr right??? nope lol that got ripped out of my fingertips too #i cant even begin to describe the emotional damage/psychological blow the situation had on me bc like #i cant even put it into words and i know nobody will truly understand/believe me when i say how heartbreaking & detrimental this #situation was for my already fucked up psyche. or they’ll think im exaggerating but its like u dont get it #ive lost so many things and people i spent my entire childhood/adolescence maladaptive daydreaming.#at age 12 mcr became my escapism for ~4yrs straight bc they were the only thing that made me happy #while all the other ppl in the real world in my day to day life were making me wanna kms everyday #like ik it sounds extreme/dramatic but ??? i mean i dont even fully understand my reaction tbh.#i think its just mcr used to be my happy place n then i get to see them live and its just an absolute nightmare #and the fact that i was dissociated from their concert when they used to be the only thing to keep me grounded to this earth???#truly i wish i didnt even go like i cant even listen to their music anymore without wanting to crawl out of my skin #when the only thing that made u feel alive made u feel deader than ever inside....yeahhhhh not fun!!#its a heartsinking feeling i hate it so much i wish i had a doever #mcr #when will mcr return from the war

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ashorterurl · 23 days

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#holy shit i hate the fb groups so much #like do NOT tell people dont speculate as if its something bad #we're left with nothing but speculation #you wake up one day and they tell you good morning btw this person is gone anyway bye #and youre just supposed to say ah ok i see thay sucks #??#obviously the friends and family sre a priority and its way too early to tell the fans anything #but i hava the right to wonder why and how and like. why #it's a natural response to seek closure #and you have a bunch of people who are like oooohhh you can't speculate thats baaaad if friends and family want to share at some point they #will #like shut up dude #i dont claim we have a right to know about what happened because we really dont and this is truly up to the people close to him #and in the end if they want they can also lie #but we do have the right to wonder why something like this happened so suddenly wnd out of nowhere #ranting because i hate it when people tell you it's unethical to ask questions about something even if its just thinking out loud #as an emotional response #like how the fuck do you guys think I'll process this #with this dry and vague announcement #if it works for you great but for me it doesnt really #i know because its been 3h now and im still waiting for them to maybe say something more about it #logically its not going to happen so soon but still

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vivalamusaine · 9 months

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The same way we've been fighting for a $15 an hour work week to the point that it's outdated and needs to be much higher, a 4 day work week is too long and we need to be aiming for 3

#unironically i mean this #also.... im tired of people clutching pearls like oh thats too much to ask for nobody will take that seriously #yeah thats how fucking negotiations work bug breath you always ask for what you want even if its not realistic so you have room to adjust #im tired of so called left politicians being nice to meet conservative halfway when they are openly attacking us #i dont know where im going with this im just so fucking tired of this stupid world

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icewindandboringhorror · 10 months

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