#and by that i mean make it kinda sorta toxic and very codependent? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

smytherines · 13 days

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do you have any hcs for precanon curtwen? how they got together, what they were like etc

Oh for sure I do!

I think they were probably paired up together for missions over the span of a couple of years, and had all this romantic & sexual tension that they convinced themselves was all in their heads, before they actually got together. They had long enough to build a friendship, a partnership, and they're both afraid enough of the consequences (both personally and professionally) that they don't want to even consider making a move.

I always imagine it as something goes wrong on a mission, someone gets hurt, or maybe they have a spectacular success and are high on adrenaline, and Curt impulsively kisses Owen because hey, this guy is attractive and Curt has a crush. Owen is just kinda stunned by it, and Curt pulls away like "oh shit he's gonna kill me," but really Owen has been infatuated with Curt for ages and just assumed Curt wasn't interested.

I could see Owen having an inkling that Curt is into men, but assuming that if someone as cocky and confident as Curt hasn't made a move, it must mean he isn't interested. So Owen has just been pathetically pining for him. I think Curt has been pining too, but because he just kind of assumes in that young closeted queer way that nobody else is "sick" like him, that confiding in anyone will get him in trouble. And in my headcanon, Owen is bisexual, so perhaps he's had affairs with women and Curt assumes that means he isn't interested in men.

Anyways, I love thinking about them in a relationship, even though it breaks my heart. Because realistically Curt and Owen probably only saw each other a handful of times per year, so everything they manage to build together is based on these little stolen moments. I think they start casually hooking up, killing time on missions, but it very quickly becomes something more. It almost has to. You don't get a lot of time to date as a spy, and even less as a gay spy. So even just the act of repeatedly hooking up by default sorta makes them the most important relationship in each other's lives- especially because they were such good friends first.

I personally don't think pre-fall curtwen were as toxic as a lot of people think. I don't really see any evidence of that in A1P1. I mean they both seem to be little freaks who get off on danger and violence, and I'm sure constant distance and secrecy and danger took their toll, but for me A1P1 shows two men who love and respect each other, even if they bicker and mess with each other.

One thought I keep coming back to is that they sneak off for movie dates, mostly because I love classic films and get really into imagining them reacting to the many gay subtext films of the early 50s. I think they sit in the darkest part of the theater and only their legs are touching, and maybe if there's nobody there one of them will put his hand on the other's thigh and it's almost a real date.

I think they'll go to bars- not underground gay bars specifically, but bars where a lot of queer people just happen to congregate, and sit at a booth or a table, and drink together and find little ways to be discreetly affectionate.

I think Curt thinks it's adorable that Owen is a kind of a nerd, and tries his best to pay attention when Owen goes on a ramble or a rant about boring tech stuff (but gets bored and starts trying to make out with him instead). I think Owen is fascinated with how Curt's mind works, how he's seemingly so chaotic and disorganized, but in a crisis he is absolutely cool and calm and comes up with clever, creative solutions for problems.

I think they loved each other, they knew each other so well that one could barely finish a sentence before the other picked it up. I think they were a bit codependent, and the distance started to gnaw away at them towards the end, but they were each other's favorite person in the world. They trusted each other more than anyone else on Earth. They missed each other desperately, but tried their best to put on a brave face every time they had to part. I think they sent each other coded love notes and presents and found excuses to request each other on missions. I think some of their pillow talk included imagining little scenarios where they could run off together and never have to be apart again, and it starts as a fun thing but gradually gets sadder and sadder for them as they realize how impossible that would be.

(That's all I have time for right now but I might pick this back up later)

#spies are forever #tin can bros #curtwen #owen carvour #agent curt mega #saf #tcb

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babiebom · 25 days

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Ranking the relationships in my fics

A/N: I have so many requests right now and no time to do them and I’m kinda burnt out on the one I’m doing so here’s something easy for right now :) both platonic and romantic as long as it’s a main relationship also half of these Fics have been either deleted or never posted but might be in the future!! I will include links to those posted :)

Tw:some nsfw? Some cursing, some angst, mentions of murder and suicide mentions of abuse (physical mental verbal) lmk if I should tag anything else!!

Bc at least 4 for each pairing

Misc Masterlist

1) Denali x Naomi (Escape the Fog)

From a deleted fic that I am currently rewriting its a dead by daylight fic with two original main characters

The reason this is number one is because out of all of the relationships this is the one that is strictly platonic

Like yeah romantic relationships aren’t bad but

Out of all the relationships this one is the most demanding and pure

I mean not to spoil but Naomi is literally taken to the Entity’s realm and Denali is taken there simply because her need to find her friend is so strong!!!!

Like she doesn’t care that she’s being killed every single day

She’s just happy that she’s found her friend that went missing

And loves her friend so much that she’s willing to be permakilled to get her back home

2) Sebastian x Reader (When You Fall)

From When You Fall which is a Stardew Valley fanfiction

The least toxic out of the romantic relationships

And by least toxic I don’t think they’re toxic at all

Like even if there’s a little angst (there’s gonna be a little angst btw) they’re a strong couple

Actually makes each other better rather than making each other worse.

They love each other for who they are including all of their flaws and they would be number one if Denali and Naomi didn’t have a relationship that goes above and beyond.

Like what kind of person would help you through your depression?

A person that loves you that’s who.

Like 80 years from now the two will be old and grey and still acting as if they’re in the honeymoon phase

3) Eden x Eleventh Doctor (The Garden of Eden)

From an unpublished Doctor who fanfiction that I am in the process of writing

Here is where we’re getting into the ohhhh this relationship is kinda toxic really

And it’s a shame they’re number THREE on the list lmao what does that say about my writing?

They are constantly arguing (90 percent not in a serious way)

And Eden sort of sees the Doctor as a God due to how they met which puts him on a pedestal

BUT the relationship doesn’t start off romantic which I think is healthy for them

And they are both fiercely protective of one another due to how long she’s spent traveling with him

So while she does see him as a God it isn’t in a very obvious or serious way unless you can see inside of her head as she doesn’t treat him as such at all.

Also a very goofy relationship overall

4) Grace x Seth Clearwater (unnamed fic)

It’s an unwritten and unnamed Twilight Fic that I might post when I’m done with the whole thing lmao

The only reason they’re number four is that I think that him imprinting on her is taking away his choice

Like yes they would probably still end up together regardless of if he had the ability to imprint or not because they’re soulmates

But him having the trait does take away the ability to actually choose

Like it’s literally a one look and that’s it thing. It forces you to live someone platonically or not so he doesn’t have a say in the matter

BUT the two do genuinely love each other so so so much that after their angst is done they’re inseparable

Which again sorta toxic when it’s a codependent relationship but they actually RARELY argue

Seth is actually so sweet that again after the angst is done they might have an argument once every like 5 years.

5)Quinn x Spencer Reid (Baby Blue)

From my Criminal minds fic that is currently posted on ao3 that I am debating on posting here.

Actually they argue so often

If he hadn’t have gotten her pregnant in a one night stand they would have still met and would have a love hate relationship

Like without the baby they would be an enemies to lovers trope but instead he immediately and accidentally got her pregnant so now they’re stuck with each other

Do genuinely love each other and after they finally figure out that they have feelings for each other everything calms down

But with her being pregnant and them not being in a relationship and then the jealousy and miscommunication everything is just toxic

Like could they tell each other that they accidentally fell in love with the other and they wanna try to have a relationship?

Yes.

Will they?

No.

But again after the drama they’re actually a very affectionate couple that manages to keep their passion into their old age

6) Ashanti x Cárter Walsh-Kim (unnamed fic)

From my deleted twilight fic

While he isn’t a main main character he serves to be the Jacob of the plot but they actually date and he doesn’t force himself on her or fall in love with her future child :)

They’re a healthy college age couple?

Kinda boring but not toxic at all until Emmett enters the mix

They’re stable and comfortable and honestly would be endgame if it wasn’t for Emmett

She loved him and he loved her not much else to say. They’re low because they break up lmao

7) Ashanti x Emmett Cullen (unnamed fic)

From the same deleted fic as above I might rewrite and repost

toxic because they can’t figure out if they wanna be together or not

Like actually they have a really good relationship when they’re not arguing and he’s being a wannabe Edward with his angst

Like when they’re not fighting a great comedic duo

And he’s her biggest supporter and she’s his.

And while I know I just compared him to Edward they don’t have the whole turn me I don’t wanna turn you drama like it’s a very easy discussion and decision

He’s literally just hung up on Rosalie and that’s where the drama comes from

And the arguing kinda makes some of his old human traits reappear

8) Fawn x Johnny Slaughter (Accidental Prey)

A Texas chainsaw massacre fanfiction that isn’t finished

Would be lower because he’s actually a murder and is keeping her hostage????????????

Like he’s forcing her to live with his murderous cannibalistic family

And he kinda abusive

But he’s genuinely in love with her (more like obsessed)

And hes the only reason that she’s alive

I can’t spoil the end but dude LOVES her more than Johnny in my other fanfics loves their partner more than just being possessive and obsessive

9) Bucky Barnes x Reader (Mr.Right)

From a deleted marvel fic that I haven’t finished and probably won’t until I get the urge

These two just absolutely JUMPED into a relationship without thinking about it

And tbh idk if they’ll last or not but they do currently love each other

It’s super middle/high school vibes but they do have a good relationship

He’s an assassin though

And has gotten them almost killed

And has taught them how to murder people

And is actually kinda a fucked up guy AND relationship because they kinda lose their mind.

10) Evangeline x Danny Johnson (Between a Rock and a Hard Place)

My dead by daylight x Texas chainsaw massacre fic that only has like a single chapter posted

Is higher than Johnny because he isn’t physically abusive like Johnny is

But still low because he’s actually insane

Is a serial killer but isn’t a cannibal

Is obsessed with her and probably wouldn’t kill her

Loves her I guess if obsession counts lmao

Is willing to take care and love a child that isn’t his if she chooses him

11) Evangeline x Johnny Slaughter (Between a Rock and a Hard Place)

From the same fic as above

Physically, Emotionally, and Verbally abusive

And while you’re thinking IM HOW IS HE NOT LAST

He did leave his family to go find her and does somehow love her that he hasn’t murdered her yet

And even though he threatens to kill her he never actually would unless he has a breakdown and kills her and himself

12) Corinne x Johnny Slaughter (unnamed fic)

From an unnamed unfinished unpublished Texas chainsaw massacre fic that will be posted when I’m done with all three chapters

Actually one of the WORST relationships and probably should be last

But the reason why it isn’t is because Corinne is no longer stuck with him

He physically, verbally, and emotionally abused her

Forced her to kill their child because the police were close to catching them and a child would slow them down

Constantly cheated on her with victims after he kidnapped her and forced her to live with him and his family

He doesn’t really love her (he thinks he does) he really just sees her as a possession.

13) Peter Parker x Reader (the Beauty of You)

A marvel fanfic that I deleted that is a You AU so Peter is in the role of Joe lmao

While he isn’t abusive he is VERY manipulative which is mentally abusive

Has murdered people to get to Reader

Has threatened to kill them

They’re lower than Corinne because Reader is stuck with him like until they die

Isolates them from literally everyone and uses his powers to keep them isolated and needing him

Loves them I guess lmao

14) Rasmodius x Reader (the Wizard and I)

From the stardew valley oneshot

Reader is also stuck with him for life

And this relationship is kinda romantic but the reader is being held hostage as some sort of slave

Like dude doesn’t actually love her just wants to keep his place

Like they’re literally his pet and is stuck like this

And unlike the other bad guys he literally has the ability to make them immortal

Like there’s no love at all, Reader is just possessed/enchanted to be okay with this.

Like their choice was no but this is still how they ended up unfortunately

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cream-and-tea · 2 years

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so, anything on your mind about pallas and agnes? 😏 (i saw all the poetry reblogs so you are definitely thinking about them)

oh. oh boy. here i go i guess. full warning that i cannot legally be held responsible for what this answer becomes since they do consume so many of my waking thoughts. (however thank you mud endlessly for enabling me on this. i owe you my firstborn child and maybe my life lmao)

but before we get really into this: vague trigger warning for just. all of this relationship in general. this is at its core two very traumatized teenagers in a shit situation latching onto each other in an unhealthy way and forming a codependency that damages them both even further in order to cope. they do learn. they do grow. they do get better over time. but right now it’s Bad.

okay so lately i’ve been thinking about just,,, the evolution of this particular dynamic both in the book and outside of it in a more metaphorical sense, since it also kinda sorta consumed the Narrative as a whole and forced me to refocus a lot of it onto them as a result. like what. what even is that. how does that even happen. i definitely don’t know but it sure did and i’m gonna talk about it.

in its wip intro i briefly described Lay Me Down as “an exploration of the toxic friendships we form in our youth set against a backdrop of ghosts and murder”, and that breaks it down in the simplest way possible. there are, obviously, many many different aspects of the story that it couldn’t it exist without, but the relationship between pallas and agnes is what i consider to be the main emotional throughline of at least this first book, and if these two didn’t meet then one or both of them would be dead and the plot of like. the whole book probably wouldn’t happen. it comes together into a perfect storm that turns into a giant snowball rolling down a knife-covered hill into hell.

when pallas meets agnes they are desperate. they just fucked up an important mission from the director and are terrified out of their mind (not that they show it) of returning to the library empty-handed. so they make a split second decision to spare her life and take her back with them, hoping that by bringing a fresh recruit to her door they’ll be spared some of the directors anger. it’s all business. all careful calculation, scrambling for a solution like they have so many other times purely to save their own skin. that’s honestly all there is.

and the gamble pays off! they’re let off the hook for the “failure” with seemingly no punishment at all! the director is even impressed with them! everything is coming up pallas! until the director reveals that it’s not that simple (with the director it’s never that simple. always another shoe ready to drop) and that because they are the one who bought her here, at such a risk to the continued security and exclusivity of the library, pallas is now fully responsible for overseeing agnes and her progress within it. and the subtext is painfully clear: if agnes fails it will mean that pallas has failed. her success is now their success. her mistakes their mistakes, her advancement now directly tied to their status as the library’s top pupil.

pallas isn’t very happy about this, but they literally cannot stand the concept of failure in any capacity (failure means you’re weak. weakness means you die), so they go from being kind of indifferent towards agnes to seeing her as an investment to be protected, their insurance to their place at the top of the pecking order. so they look out for her. they show her how things work. they make sure she’s safe in a place where virtually nothing is. inadvertently turning themselves into her protecter whether they like it or not. it takes them literally almost dying (well, as close as pallas can get to dying) and agnes helping them in that crisis, seeing them vulnerable in a way few people do, for this to change and force them to admit they care for her as anything other than just another project or mission they’ve been tasked with completing.

this is because pallas has a deeply, deeply skewed idea about how relationships with anyone are supposed to work on a very basic level. they don’t know how to care about someone without hurting them in some way because they believe the only thing they’re good for is hurting and killing (thanks director). they would quite literally, actually rather die then show vulnerability to anyone (thanks director). they view everything as a transaction, a barter and trade of kindness for favours in turn (thanks director). they’ve been raised to believe that everything that makes them soft and vulnerable and kind and human should be metaphorically dragged behind the shed and shot (THANKS director). and more then that: the only other person they ever let their guard down around, the only person they had a semi-functional relationship with, their best friend, was removed from their life (by guess who. guess who. fucking guess who. i hate the director so much it’s unreal.) in a very painful way that was also partially their doing, leaving them scared of ever trusting anyone again.

but they do trust agnes, despite it all they do, and more then that they care about her in a way they haven’t cared about anyone (except maybe the director) since nina died. and once they finally realize that they grab on with both hands and refuse to let go. there is so little kindness in their world, there is so little good, and despite everything they’ve done and everything they are agnes is still kind to them. she treats them like a person, not a monster, not a weapon, just a person. human and soft and vulnerable, all of the things they’ve been told they cannot and will never be. pallas knows what they are, they know what they’ve done, but they can’t help but lean towards her and cling to every scrap of affection she gives them. more than anything pallas sees this as a sort of second chance. they couldn’t keep nina away from dangerous thinking, couldn’t protect her. but they’re stronger now, sharper, better, and this time they won’t allow themself to fail.

and when agnes meets pallas…. oh boy. let’s just say she’s been put through the GAUNTLET. the first three chapters of the book are basically just Agnes And The Awful Horrible No Good Very Bad Day. she’s hurt. she’s lost her family. she’s been chased away from the only home she’s ever known by people out to kill her for something she can’t control into the super evil dangerous magic forest she was told to avoid at any costs. she hasn’t eaten for days. it’s pouring rain. she’s covered in blood. everything even remotely sentient she’s come across has either tried to strangle her or drown her or murder her in basically every way imaginable.

until something doesn’t.

it’s such a little thing, but even though they use magic and FULLY intend on hurting her, the fact that pallas doesn’t just immediately try to kill her is enough for agnes in that moment. she’s been lost and alone and hurt for so long that she is 100% willing to latch on to the first person that offers a chance of safety and survival. and pallas does offer her that chance, they give her a place to go and someone to follow and the chance to learn about the powers that she’s only ever been able to see as a curse. they offer her a way forward, a way to live, and of course agnes accepts it. she has no other choice.

and pallas terrifies her. they completely and totally terrify her and she is all to aware of how they could hurt her if they wanted to. but they don’t. they could but they don’t. and when she’s adjusting to the library they help her, even if they say they’re only doing it out of obligation, they still help her. they quickly become protector and confidant and guide all wrapped into one for her, the one thing even slightly familiar in a world of new and terrifying magic. she follows them around all day, eats food with them, spends basically any time they’re not away on missions with them. at first it’s for her own protection (pallas is a force to be reckoned with and has a vested interest in her safety), but they quickly become her anchor, something safe to fall back on even if they’re made up of every sharp edge imaginable.

and because of that she sees parts of pallas no one else really does. they’re not only cold and calculating and cruel, they’re sarcastic and intelligent and awkward and desperately lonely. they know so much more than her and nothing at the same time. they need someone, anyone to be there. it’s the least she can do. the least she can give them for the life they could have so easily taken from her. even when they regress and threaten to kill her after she brings up nina (nina who she sees, nina who she can’t stop seeing) they still don’t do it, they find her and they sit with her and they promise it will never happen again and she doesn’t really believe them but she stays anyways. of course she does. she has no other choice.

and they come to her helpless. and they come to her bleeding. and she pulls a bullet from inside them and they wash the blood from each other’s hands and curl up on the carpet back to back and they are young and scared and just like her and more than her and nothing like her at all. and she can’t give up on them. like her father never gave up on her mother despite all her barbed words and bitterness. he never left, he stayed until the very end. she won’t ever leave. pallas is terrifying and awful and smarter then she ever could be. pallas is her only friend. she would be dead without them, and they tell her she needs to be cruel but she knows they need her to be kind. she can’t help but be kind, she knows they could be kind to, if they ever got the chance. and even if they never are, they’re something, and that has to be enough.

in conclusion:

[ID. A digital doodle of Pallas and Agnes done in a simplistic, cartoony style. They stand side by side looking at each other out of the corner of their eyes, Pallas unsure and Agnes slightly curious. There are thought bubbles above each of their heads. Pallas’s reads “i could make her worse” and Agnes’s reads “i could fix them”. END ID]

#this got so long and took AGES im so sorry #i am normal about characters and dynamics i am normal and okay #and that’s not even ALL of it. that’s not even getting into all the other stuff. that’s just book one #they EVOLVE #eventually it gets better. but it gets worse before that (the murder attempt i’m talking about the murder attempt)#anyways that’s the kids. that’s them. that’s the deal #i think about them a reasonable amount #pallas and agnes #wip: ghost story

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mughler · 5 years

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ok im gonna go on a bit of a rant about euphoria and i might get a bit ~ controversial ~

OK so first of all im gonna preface this by saying that i rly like the show, its REALLY well written, you become invested in the characters so quickly, you never know what to anticipate, youre always left wanting more (i even stopped watching after binging the first three eps bc it was kinda triggering and i got rly sad at rues scenes rgnureug but i couldnt help myself so i kept watching lmao)

so firstly, this show is meant to be realistic right? it’s not. i mean its not the least realistic teen show i’ve seen, but i definitely wouldnt say this is an accurate reflection of teenagers today by a long shot. i feel like every school has like a handful (at most) of teens who are dealing with some really fucked up stuff but the show makes it seem like every teen has this craazy life when most ppls lives are rly just mediocre and sorta boring lmao, but ofc that doesnt make for a good story. so idk, i wouldnt call it realistic, thats all

secondly, WHY IS EVERYONE CHEATING ON EACH OTHER IN THIS SHOW. thats it. thats the entire second part lmao

thirdly, i really dislike how sex is portrayed in euphoria. i dont mind the scenes being graphic and containing nudity. but i dislike how it’s shot and how the scenes are portrayed. it looks more like a porno than actual teens having sex. there are only two scenes in the show so far that i feel were more realistic portrayals of sex; the scene between ethan and kat in ep 6 and jules and rue in ep 4/5 (i cant remember)

what i love the most about euphoria is definitely rue and jules, rue 100% being my favourite character. idk if i ship them bc the relationship is very toxic and codependent but rue and jules are the best written and multi-faceted characters on the show and even when they make mistakes you can see where they’re coming from.

AND TALKING ABOUT MISTAKES. its really sorta exhausting watching euphoria bc theyre all making SUCH B A D decisions!!!!! with characters like rue and jules and a few (notice i said few) other characters, their mistakes make sense or rather theyre more justified but aaaaall the other characters exhaust me because of all of their actions, theyre extremely self destructive

i think thats it oh ALSO kats storyline of being a camgirl makes me SOOOO uncomfortable probably bc its supposed to lmao but apparently some ppl are praising kat for being a camgirl when she’s literally a minor.. she obviously only values herself for what her body can provide for her (she thinks ethan only wants to have sex with her, she feels good about herself only when she’s desired) so her actions dont deserve any praise imo

so that was my rant feel free to msg me if you disagree or agree!! i’d love to hear your thoughts maybe change my mind on smth if you wanna

#euphoria #also i could do a whole rant about each singular character theres SO much to unpack

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