#and boy howdy do I feel like shit

[theworstcreature]

Chat what if I started crying

Tw for animal death in the tags

#my senior cat is doing not great #she must’ve been bitten by some large neighborhood animal #she’s pretty sick and has some bite marks from canine teeth on her lower back #she probably won’t make it through the night #I really hope she does so we can get her to the vet #why didn’t we take her when we first found the bite marks #if she doesn’t at least she dies with loved ones #unlike my other cat #who died from being attacked by some different beast #like god two three years ago at this point #idk why this cat is making me feel so much worse #maybe it’s because instead of my mom randomly sitting me down and telling me #I’m watching her decline in real time #we probably won’t get another new cat after this #I hope we do though #I don’t like not having a fuzzy little study buddy #and my other cat at the moment doesn’t really do affection #I have a little bit of hope though because she still has enough energy to be hissy spitty at the dog for simply existing #and when we moved her from one end of a bed to the other she stood up and re situated herself #lowkey wanna start sobbing but idk I feel like that’d make my parents pay attention to me and that’s lowkey what I don’t want #like idk my family does the physical affection like hugging and shit #but when k feel like shit that’s not really my thing #and boy howdy do I feel like shit #anyway rant over #bye

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

WIFI IS MINE ONCE AGAIN as i sit on a mattress on the floor

#it feels like ive been without it for so long... #it has been... three and a half days... i am Weak.... #nah jk i wouldve been find without it for much longer #but boy howdy am i Glad to be able to use my dear beloved laptop again #i am In The New Place i am Beginning To Settle #tomorrow i begin unpacking my own stuff!!! exciting!!! #i cant wait to admire all of my Things! #ohhhh and i finally have a spot on the wall for my combo whiteboard/corkboard.... #im still very stressed and i want to lay in a hole but!! #i am doing slightly better than a few days ago! #the weather has been nice... cool and rainy... i am not used to cool and rainy #its also cold and i am - unfortunately - a desert creature #suffice to say i am wearing hand warmers a hoodie and a blanket #absolutely unprompted #the place's last owner Didnt Fucking Clean though #so there have been many spiders. and cobwebs. and general Grime we will have to scrub #like seriously today i was dusting the ceiling. THE CEILING. #had to dust & vacuum the windowsills... gonna scrub my bathroom tomorrow... #theres a large tear in my bedroom carpet too... #ugh and the cabinets are Small so organizing all the spices and shit has been Rancid #stuff has to go out of place and you cant see it all and MY ORGANIZATIONAL SYSTEMS ARE CRUMBLING #sometimes it feels like my adhd and autism are fistfighting but during a move? #lockstep babeyyyy. they are Streamlined. lots of things and lots of sorting & placing and eeheehee #i have also killed most of the freakishly huge mosquitos in the house so! things are better! #that first night was Rough! its better now! this shell is becoming a House!

[dandyshucks]

did u know that u can get nauseous from exhaustion 🧍

#shdjsl Kam coming up to co-con to inform me that we already knew this actually but I've just forgotten #aaand theres all the memories of the many past experiences w this. goddamn. so this is not a new thing apparently DHDJDKSL #oohhhh f/o save me ... save me f/o #i am interested to see how im gonna feel tomorrow !!! good laowrd !!! #i collapsed once we got home today and got so nauseous and then had to do family dinner and a board game #and boy howdy. that was 11 hours straight of being around people today 😶 no wonder i feel like shit SBDHDKL #i want to cuddle w Guz.... feel the rise and fall of his chest as i listen to his heartbeat.... OUGGHHHH yearning !!! #vent // #dandy.cmd

[nazumichi]

not exaggerating not blowing the situation out of proportion prommy but I think I’d rather do literally anything else before that chemistry group project. put me in the furnace or something. mountain. exam?? ?

#raii talks a lot #Please anything else. I made. Like a list of things that the group needs to do. and it’s stuff I need to do/stuff I need to make them do #And ik they’re not gonna care or listen to me. Even though I’m the group leader because no one else gave a shit and this is a big grade #like sorry for being a loser guys sorry for being a nerd but boy howdy we should do this thang huh. Pass this class. You sophomore shits #very close to asking my prof if i can get out of doing this. because I leave this year and they obviously dont #And I have ap tests and a sat which they also don’t have and god id take a full exam over this at this point #There’s just so much to do and so many things I want to prioritize and I’m so ashamed to ask my prof that because I like him and what if he #says no that would be mortifying. coping by making lists and trying to work ahead and reading mk which doesn’t help chem-wise #but it does make me feel less like passing out in agony. like woah i love this book I love this guy!!! I’m going to attack classmates #I loooove complaining I love this book I love kicking people and raging

[katzirra]

Every time I post on Patreon and I get long winded about something I feel so annoying njkdgh

ALSO FEEL BAD I'M POSTING SKETCHBOOK SPREADS EACH WEEK RIGHT NOW WHILE IN ART BLOCK MODE BUT ALSO LIKE...

No one ever gets to see that shit so that's kinda special I guess?? Honestly... really special since I don't uh, scan my sketchbooks until they're done and those are still usually exclusive to Patreon...

Me constantly worried I'm not worth money on Patreon nfgjhk

#kat life #I have so much anxiety all the time because I don't feel like I do enough anywhere anymore lmao... #Also just constantly feel like it doesn't matter what I do because nothing ever brings in attention like it use to #SHIT IS EXHAUSTING HONESTLY BUT I LIKE SHARING MY JOYS AND STRUGGLES?? UGH. #That said boy howdy Merry Christmas enjoy that Loki spread on the 24th when it posts LMFAO TUMBLR IS NEVER SEEING SOME OF THIS #winks and finger guns into the stratosphere

[peapod20001]

In my...✨ depression bed ✨ phase <3

#vent #oho five hours babeeee hungry AND hot AND depressed?? what is this?? my birthday? #hahaha yeaap. it’s cool it’s cool I’m chillin #just vibin. head feels. weird. but I don’t entirely know what up with that it could be a few things if I’m being honest lol #hmmgf when was the last time I just. laid here this often? #laid? layd? layed?? whatever lol #hmm I found a fuckin uhh. vent diagram thing that showed BPD ASHD and Autism and their specific traits and overlaps #is uh. uhm. too close!! like sir!! who gave you!! permission!!!! #oofy anyways uhmmmmmm. realized that I!! don’t interact with people!! as much as I did when I was younger!! #like I had my classmates. my friends. my family. the ppl on tumblr and stuff. yknow #I was talking to someone and shit like!! every day!! for multiple hours!! a day!!!! #now it’s like. wow boy howdy. what are the chances I y’all for more than an hour with LITERALLY ANYONE today :) #uhhghgh gross ew ew nasty. I totally. don’t care that I’m not getting my enrichment #I’ll jus read tags on my art and look through old messages in place of actually. talking to anyone #mmm. conversations hard. hate talking about myself. don’t know anything besides myself. hate certain topics (but won’t say anything bout it) #anndd yeaa!! I don’t understand ppl and their motives and why they like me specifically. I put on my best personality for youu #I’m playing off of you and mirroring how you act so you’ll be ok with me <3 but that’s ok I suppose. I don’t think anyone here is out for my #guys so I’m doing good at least somewhat lol. ahmm. you ever not care about being something special to someone else. and then they kindaa. #squash that idea? and in theory you shouldn’t care since you didn’t want it in the first place but. them saying it hits? different? like oou #oh and question I don’t expect anyone to answer. you ever cried cus. someone aid you were their friend? best friend specifically? idk man #2 ppl have said I’m their best friend an I had to literally force myself not to get emotional at the first one and then I legitimately cried #with the second one LMAO like. how ridiculous is that yea? yeah #it’s. yeah. I’ve called ppl my bffs or whatever before but. it’s different when someone says it to you first ig. before I think they only #gave me the label out of convenience. not that we weren’t actually friends (at least I hope we were DHHDV) but. idk!! I literally yearned #for like!! basic shiittt!! I got put in time out like beginning of kindergarten cus I cried over my 1st best friend partnering with a new #girl instead of me!!! 😭 woof. that was the ONLY time I ever cried in public EVER. didn’t matter how many time I got hurt physically or #emotionally or how stressed I got or how confused or embarrassed and humiliated I was!! I’m NEVER letting people look at me like I’m stupid #for caring EVER. AGAIN. woof ok getting off the rails here I was like at least sort of ok when I started writing this but now I’m very much #NOT lololol so uhhhhhhhhhhh. anyways. let you get back to scrolling or swiping or whatever. I’ll be finnee totally. just. here

[buysomecheese]

Who up barfing to Step by Vampire Weekend on this Monday evening!!!

#it’s me #I’m not barfing but oh boy howdy do I feel like it #got my menstrual cycle! for the first time in like a year! #‘happy 18th birthday! I promise your organs still work. yes I am ignoring the birth control you’ve been taking for years.’ #LIKE WTF not cool. #makes sense for why I’ve been Sad and Mad and shit the past few days though ig #I’m not even in pain it’s just. nausea. #MINIMAL BLOOD TOO LIKE WHAT EVEN IS THE POINT. #anyways I may have to talk to my doctor about upping the dose but I might just ask about testosterone instead!

[edsbacktattoo]

Chapter Seventeen: Ever Chasing Fireflies

OH SHIT!!!! Newest chapter has been born and you can find it right here.

#boy howdy do i love writing these boys into Conversation Mode #Boy Do I Love It #hope yall like. fuckin talking about feelings and shit #i know i do #in fiction not in real life. the horrors #anyway HAPPY NEW YEARS!!! hope everyone stayed safe and got 2023 started right #love you all <3 #ofmd #fanfic #ofmd fanfic #our flag means death #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #omts

[snekdood]

i dont feel like being generally disliked on tumblr is a good enough reason to shadow ban me

#i mean. theres ppl who have admited to doing crazy fucked up shit on here but ig bc they dont get mass reported. its like. fine #but someone writes whats essentially a conspiracy theory callout post about me that no one tells me about but i just feel in my heart #exists by virtue of the way ppl operate on here- all the sudden its fine if im shadow banned #lol #this website feels like one big massive clique #all the more reason i felt the need to draw that short comic #and yes to whomstever it may concern- i do in fact think not coming to me at all to know what i believe or think about whatever conclusion #yall have come to about me is a conspiracy theory. #like thats just how they're made #not a far couple steps away from rumors to conspiracy theories the longer you refuse to actually engage w the person you're making shit #up about. #ik its not like the whole website that hates me but boy howdy does it feel like a good chunk of it. #hopefully its just the terfs but ik yall in the queer community and fandom communities are weird in this kinda way too about making #callout posts and just like believing them without question

[impossible-rat-babies]

every expansion it’s like having the training wheels on for a bit and then they take the training wheels off and shove you off a cliff

#in other news I am refusing every dinner party invitation I receive 🙃🙃🙃 #I didn’t do the dungeon yet bc it’s like 7am and boy howdy I knew stuff was gonna happen after #but this was just. holy shit #the throwing the sword was very choice #put me back where I came from or so help me! #theyve done a wonderful job of making you feel…..small and worried #the whole duty w the….thing that happened was very good #it’s easy to feel powerful playing the WoL but getting knocked down a few pegs like that was fantastic #it feels like the fight with Zenos at the beginning of stormblood again #im kinda like. steamroll through EW now that I have Eden stuff out of the way #which that is very good much nice 200/10 #owen ffxiv spoilers

[arolesbianism]

Me scrolling through the unit swap cast in my head checking to make sure I have basic ideas for all of them before landing on Tsukasa and staring at him for 10 deafening seconds before silently moving on

#rat rambles #sekai posting #unit swap au #I. I rly need to think of like anything for him. like I know Ill probably have to make him the main character still but. but. #I am incapable of having thoughts over this man on my own I cant do this Im sorryyyyyy #Im sure Ill get to it once I inevitably start actually giving a shit abt him but. boy howdy is it making it hard to conceptualuse for the #rest of wxs in the meantime hhhh #like Ive said before he and shiho are my big roadblocks rn #but at least with shiho I do have ideas just ones that Im not confident on #mostly because it relies a lot of me not changing emu too much which. I most likely will as I read more wxs stuff #+ as I get to reading l/n stuff (which I. still need 2 do lol) Im sure Ill think of better ideas for shiho too #and all of l/n #speaking of l/n the more I hear abt saki the more I inch towards actually having the motivation to binge some of their stuff #she just seems sooooo interesting 2 me like shes so me bait #I just know Im gonna be picking at her dialogue like crazy #I also feel like honami is me bait but we'll see how hard she'll hit #similar with ichika #honestly. I think shiho is the only not me bait l/n member. not that thatll stop me probably fkfndjd #look once I know enough to look in any l/n tag Im sure Ill become absolutely obnoxious #same with wxs but probably way worse if I end up liking tsukasa enough fjfndjd #I also need to get to reading more mmj and vbs stuff and also mixed events and just ughhhhh theres so much 2 read #how the hell did I go through all the bndori band stories so fast the only one I that heavily procrastinated on was popipa I think #which honestly. probably for the best I saved them for last. if I read popipa bs0 First only to read like aglow second or smth #anyways sleepy time snork mimimi or whatever

[plztumb1rhelpmegetoveranxiety]

Hiiiiiiii which of these look better?

#(Rant up ahead in the tags) #Okat okay okay I'm posting this from my computer rn guessssssss why :)))))))) #I fucking /highschool/ #kid in a group I'm in with a bunch of friends with (literally this person is the only member of the group not everyone is friends with) #Broke. My. Phone. #YESTERDAY! #I considered myself friends with this person! Like we weren't particularly close but still kinda friends #And like I never wanna say it's reasonable for someone to be an outcast bc DAMN do I know how it feels to be an outcast #(which tbh is the main reason I gravitated towards him and bc I wanted him to feel like a part of our friend group even though he was coming #into the pre-existing one (bc like yeah I also understand what it's like to be in a friend group but not actually be friends w anyone)) #but boy howdy am I really fucking thankful he is because nobody in the group took his side #and two of my friends in particaular were *very* forceful w him (verbally) to make sure that he couldn't interact with me for the rest of th #the night. #and also very comforting to me when I came back in from outside and it was very obvious I'd been crying #God do I owe them my life I'm so fucking thankful for them holy shit #Btw. To be clear. this wasn't an accident bc one of the aforementioned forceful friends was there when he threw it #I'd let him play games on it when he showed intrest in mine and later left the room (when I went w a few other friends to go get snacks and #then we procceded to get distracted in the other room and stay there for like 30 minutes until the friend that was still w him #came up to me with my phone saying he threw it at them and I saw that the phone had two giant fucking cracks in it) #fuck my hands have started shaking while typing I'm still so fucking furious and upset at him #Like my phone being fucking screen-fucked it annoying as hell and while it still turns it really isn't working and I'm scared to touch it #too much until I transfer over all my pictures #I am much more upset over the fact I fucking trusted him and he destroyed that even more so than the phone #! OKAY RANT OVER JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I wanted to get that out of my system ! #How the fuck do people use non-mobile tumblr regularly this is so awful #this post is smth I really would like people's oppinions on this though #bc I wanna draw this character but don't wanna get used to drawing a design that is potentally the worse of the two #so uhhhhhhh help pls ':3< #plz doodles

[hunternocedaz]

google dot com am i a subsystem quiz

#🦉.txt #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. #ive been thinking about it so much recently because i just. have gaps in my memory #and sometimes i feel like im just.not alone despite being alone physically #if i do have a subsys i have never spoken to any of my alters or whatever but oh my god. help #AND IF I AM BOY HOWDY WOULD IT MAKE SENSE!!!!! IVE BEEN THROUGH SOME SHIT!!!

[ricco4]

🙃

#personal shit #this is me ranting feel free to skip #my anxiety is literally eating me alive #I should have left and moved far away but noooo #but I didn’t and now here I am #I’m seriously gonna die when I’m like 60 lol #thought dinner with mom would be a nice fun thing #boy howdy was I completely wrong #won’t be doing that again like literally ever #and I know some of that is the anxiety #but I know for a fact that some of it is not #and im just waiting to get yelled at and told what a useless POS I am #and how I’ve ruined everybody’s lives yada yada again #I’m just so tired #I wanted to try so hard #and im just not good enough #oh well 🤷‍♀️

[saltypiss]

Perspective, Interpretation.

Big Boy probably had a very specific meaning, probably negative, and over time, people are born who never know of the specific meaning, but like the sound of it and wanna say it. Their own perspective is attached to it. Whatever it had before is meaningless to this person. Especially because the negative is so stupid, that obviously your nebulous is better.

What’s dumb is to treat that person as if they are fully informed of, and are apart of, some nebulous negative group, For 2 reasons:

One is it’s just childish and rude. Anyone above 12 coulda guessed that one.

The second is it was one of many multiple hundreds of thousands of millions of chances to take away the negative. You hurt what you want to defend because then you can’t defend anymore. You lose an aspect of yourself you don’t want to lose, and due to that, growth is haulted, selfishly.

I understand some people saying they can’t emotionally depart from the negative given the history they personally experienced. Not of the past itself, it is irrelevant to those born after the fact, as with all forms of art, which in of itself is humanity and humanity based, it is interpretative. To it’s core, to it’s face value. Both or neither. However for society to improve and grow, it can’t stop just due to a negative of any value. It’s why trigger warnings are insulting and degrading, to the point of treating mentally injured people like spoiled children. It stops progress for them and everyone else because it normalizes not growing and healing. It normalizes that you don’t have to grow, because this is your life now. Cradled.

When someone says “Jap” I assure you, nobody would be caught dead using it’s old fashioned language, and not a soul today would assume it meant anything but a language version for some media. Yeah you thought we were talking the big ol’ N, well we can but there’s no point, people have made up their mind, they want a word that’s negative for black people, all sides. Dunno why but hey, ya’ll want it, go for it! Words are interpretive art. Like with all art, you have to learn it’s core and subtleties, while that can include it’s history, apart of art is seeing the subject in a vacuum, no bias or history, just you, and it.

And some most people, really want another way to hate black people, and see no value in devaluing that aspect, despite multiple fucking attempts. But whatever, idiots gonna idiot.

What people need to grow up and learn to do, is detach an entire assumed culture to words, and hand gestures, like please. Dear god. The Okay symbol being racist was a fucking meme, it was meant to get idiots to believe it, and it worked, it worked like the feminazi bullshit of old times. Oh yeah, same people, 4chan, dear god.

Lemme put it to you this way. Your color of red is different to mine, there is no way to prove otherwise, it’s red to you and me, but your red is different just due to difference in the biology of our eyes, and interpretations of our minds, and our personal perspective of that mental interpretation. Really we’re all just tripping balls and barely able to have the world in view as we do. We aren’t as sharp or fast paced as we’d like. Certainly unable to understand our minds, and to say you do, is an absolute admission that you really don’t.

Within this same logic, is art, art is literally human made, your dog doesn’t look at something and go “Oh this is too beautiful, I can’t even.” and that’s nothing on the dog, we’re just stupid and like pretty shit. So we give it meaning, or, our brains give it meaning that we interpret from there.

Art is man-made ideas. That is all. And thus, words are art. Your version of red is different than mine. In fact, what you immediately think of when Red is said is not only different to me, but different to you mere moments ago, in fact your immediete interpretation is now different to the current interpretation. But intrinsically, it means nothing. We can take the abstract then give it a personal meaning that someone else simply won’t be able to cognitively connect, but have their own personal meaning none-the-less.

For you to HAVE to make an entire culture become a single person for you to go off on because a single word was uttered that you personally disagree with... I mean like... you understand that’s not...okay...right? It’s not normal either. It’s why despite how fucking stupid religion is, you don’t have the right to personally shit on someone for their religious beliefs. There is literally no one version of god to anyone. They all have a god that’s simply a human with too many powers to handle.

But to dismiss someone on those grounds, to dismiss them on their interpretation of (x) is simply embarrassing. I’ll gladly shit on the entire idea and ideology and how some of the people operate and that in general I think it’s a bit deluded and embarrassing, but I know they think the literal exact same to me and others, and don’t think less of me or my ideas for it, they simply go along with it, because at the end of the day, ignorance, is just another interpretation. Their own ignorance of my beliefs and how I feel is an interpretation they maturely take in. But being a dick and trying to force your beliefs onto others, it’s certainly an interpretation, but it’s one that speaks volumes to how you interpret other people.

For that same line of reasoning, the way you interpret the art of language, including specifically only caring enough about a handful to keep within the negative space, I cannot, for the life of me, understand how that is socially acceptable.

I’m not sorry to say, I haven’t seen anything in the 25 years I’ve been around to say any of the words we treat as negatives ever truly needed nor need to be. Why not be adults, take that step FORWARD, and let interpretation take hold, and not our interpretation be treated as the forefront.

#It's hard to avoid doing this shit just so everyone is clear #everyone has an unconscious bias #what makes you grow up into an adult is realizing that failure and doubling down on doing what you believe is right despite not knowing #from the feeling within that it's truly the right thing #Not everytime you feel a negative feeling does it mean it's wrong #it's why people hate the gays and such #they get a weird feeling and immaturely lash out to avoid confronting the feeling within #they refuse to do the right thing because they cognitively refuse to fight their kneejerk reactions #it's childish and why people should start calling out the embarrassment that is people acting like children #it's hard to explain to someone who's not had that cherry pop of a cognitive breakthrough #ones that don't challenge themselves mentally #but boy howdy it's really one of those things that you have to ask #how sheltered #or how unabused were you #I was 13 maybe 14 when I really had to put forth that effort #how at anywhere above that are you even alive #there I go again #proving my point #but still the frustration is needed sometimes

[wetpapert0wel]

lil vent </3

#*admirez the tape job i did on the peeling pleather on my chair 2 detract from being scolded 4 bathing one of the cats <3* #there might still be some soap on the cat .... which feels bad....but i dont think its enough to hurt him. #i also gave him so many treats. hes likely gonna get an upset tummy. #and my brother was firm but not harsh. which is great bc im used to him yelling at me for shit lmao. #ig its rejection dysphoria lmao........... #i feel fuckin Stupid tho. #unrelated: boy howdy. thos guys were right. it rly is harder 2 cry on t #i rly want to cry. and i can feel my eyes warm up & i feel the knot in my chest but like. nothing's happening.? #related lol: the cat has forgiven me. he rubbed against me & let me pet him. #and im sure my brother & s-i-l are only irritated or frustrated and not like. furious. they dont rly give off that vibe...... #But I Still Feel Awful And Dumb And Shitty #like........it is. at the very least. 90% ok. #i broke the cat's collar. but i fixed it well enough. so that's a plus. and again the cat forgave me. so thats another plus. #i pbb shouldnt feel as awful as i do. but here i am. #orignaletti