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#and I thought it would feel good / to understand why I was different / but my title just talks over me / I never even asked to be this way
azullumi · 1 day
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LAST NIGHT I DREAMT OF THE STARS AND YOU, PT. 1
premise — because that’s just how they are; alternatively, “the type to” trend with hsr characters. characters — ruan mei, veritas ratio, aventurine, and robin content tags — gender-neutral reader, established relationship, fluff, slight angst, not proofread, word vomit in some parts, 1.6k words ; headcanons
note from me — seasickness took me out and the fact that i have a 9 hr road trip tomorrow is already making me dizzy. i hope i’m asleep for the 3/4 of it,, also this has a pt. 2 which i’ll upload later on !! anyways i wrote this in between my vacation and trip and in between the long-ass separate fics with sunday and aven so sorry if it seems rusty or out of my style 🙏
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RUAN MEI, (lies in between the line of a good lover and a bad lover) the type to be unable to express her affections for you through words and settles with small and simple gestures that she has observed and seen from everyone around her; having never understood “love” and never knowing how to correspond with such, she’s left silent and confused like a lost child in the wake of it. She’ll find herself staring you quietly, memorizing the lines of your face and how it creases and contorts into different expressions, studying each crevices and edges of the parts that makes up your being to bury you in her memory, and there’s a smile that tugs on her lips every time her gaze falls on you. Oh, she wishes she understood what it all meant (she simply and devastatingly adores you).
RUAN MEI, the type to subconsciously write your name on paper whenever she’s distracted. it’s a small habit she does, one that makes her smile whenever she notices the letters spelling out your name. She has ruined, tainted several of her papers, even important ones, with just a single word, a set of letters that composes of what makes warmth seep into her chest when her mind drifts into the thought of someone—you.
RUAN MEI, the type not understand the underlying reason behind her actions—why she spends the time and makes the effort in between her busy schedule and pile of papers to make sweets for you, why she lets you do her hair despite how messy it often turns out when you braid it and how she can never find the strength in herself to “fix” or disturb the state of your work, why she always seek for the warmth of your hands whenever she’s feeling uneasy or stressed, why she always lean to your shoulder or to your touch when you caress her cheek, and everything. It’s a puzzle board of missing and scattered pieces, unable to comprehend the full image of the mystery—and yet, she still delves into the enigma of her feelings that is intertwined with your existence. Maybe one day she’ll come to know it all and maybe it will be the time when she can finally be honest to herself.
VERITAS RATIO, the type to want to know every single thing you and remember all of it. Perhaps it’s the bare minimum, perhaps it’s something that he just does. “They don’t like that,” He would say when an arrogant fool would even try to give you (or do) something, and he’s there, witnessing it all, knowing the things that you prefer and like. He knows what flowers that you like, knows your favorite color, knows the way you prefer to sleep, knows the small habits that you do when you’re nervous or scared or happy, knows every little detail that paints the whole of your existence. Isn’t it simply just lovely when someone desires to know you from the inside and out? Even if it’s just a little bit, he feels more closer to you in this way.
VERITAS RATIO, the type to be sweet and reassuring towards you (through words and actions), even though he may come off as mean, blunt, or rude towards others. Sure, he may call you an idiot sometimes but he’ll never go past that nor reach the line of degrading and distasteful remarks because he never wishes to hurt your feelings; if ever he did, he’ll apologize and tell you it’s not his intention. “Fool,” But the affection that edges into the tone of his voice cuts the thread of disdain that sews into the word. Oftentimes when texting and it’s easy to misunderstand the tone of one’s message, especially his tone, he’ll reassure you that he didn’t send it in a way that he’s angry or scornful: “The ‘Ok’ that I sent is not a mad ‘Ok’, I am in a rush and could only type that out. I’m not angry.”
VERITAS RATIO, the type to entertain your questions no matter how stupid it can be; he’d give you the answers every single time. He doesn’t mind being treated like a walking encyclopedia or dictionary if it’s you—he’d hate it if you were going to ask someone else instead of him (although he probably never told you that discomfort). I mean, you have a well-known member of the Intelligentsia Guild, someone who parallels a genius, just right at the tip of your fingertips, why bother asking someone else?
AVENTURINE, the type to like listening to the sound of your breathing, the sound of your heartbeat (to listen to the sound of you blinking, to listen to your hands soothe). It’s comforting, in an odd way, and he never tells you but it helps him fall asleep—watching the rising and falling of your chest, seeing your calm face wrinkle ever so often while you sleep. He keeps the sound of your heartbeat close to the pocket on his chest, weaving the rhythm of it to his pulse, and before he knew it, the dawn will come in quiet solitude.
AVENTURINE, the type to be always on fight-or-flight mode. Perhaps it’s the way that he grew up, perhaps it was the harsh and cruel environment that he’s in, but he’s always on guard, seemingly on defensive mode as if danger lurks at every dark corner. His shoulders are always tense, his hand either hidden or playing with the ring on his finger, it’s like he never can’t seem to relax himself even when he’s in the comfort of your arms. It follows him everywhere, trailing behind his feet, and forces him awake at night—he doesn’t even know where the fear, the anxiety, is coming from, he just knows it’s there. One wrong step and his thoughts will come crashing down like cold downpour, one wrong move and you’ll come to leave him. Sometimes a little reassurance comes a long way and it’s all he needs when his mind is being tormented. (He will learn to live with it, even if he can never seem to understand or know it. He will come to know peace as if it’s all he had in his hands when the sun first held him).
AVENTURINE, the type to immediately smile after a kiss. It’s utterly affectionate; parting, staring deeply into one’s eyes with his cheeks dusted with a certain color and he’s grinning—warmth beams from his expression and there’s a certain feeling that intertwines into his gaze and he knows it’s love because it’s all he feels whenever he looks at you. He’s the type to laugh into a kiss, feeling ticklish all over his bones as if your hands are ghosting the sensitive parts of his skin, and you’ll ask him, “What?” but he’ll only answer with, “Nothing.” He’s not drunk, the ache of wanting simply swells up in his chest and all he can think of is how much he adores you.
ROBIN, the type to try and make time for you. Her schedule is always packed, filled with all kinds of events and tasks that she needs to do. It’s overwhelming, everything feels overwhelming for her and it’s hard to know which one she should prioritize first not when she has a lot of things on her hands. Sometimes she feels lost, feels the weight too heavy on her shoulders, feels like her feet are tied to the ragged earth, feels the cage closing on her. She tries so hard to be the perfect lover for you, to become someone that will reach beyond your expectations; she cradles that perfect image, broken in all of its edges, that were constructed for herself close to her chest even if it feels like a knife to her heart. But really, all you need is for her to be herself (not the star that everyone admires and wishes to reach) and sometimes, that’s all she needs to hear from you—that she doesn’t have to hold on to the shattered chains when the coldness of the metal reminds her of what she has to carry.
ROBIN, the type to go on all kinds of dates with you, silly or not, and even matches clothes with you. She’s usually the one to make the invite to match, thinking that it’s cute and the both of you rarely ever has time like this so why not make the most out of it; who are you to even say no when she’s beaming at you so warmly? She has all of her options laid on the bed, displayed on clothing hangers, asking you what you’re going to wear or what color do you want. It’s lovely, sweet, seeing her like this and you could only pray to whoever aeon is listening that nobody comes to ruin the day the both of you rarely have for each other.
ROBIN, the type to bring you all kinds of souvenirs and gifts from her (universal) tours, sometimes having bought too much that you don’t know what to with some of them; the type to send you letters every time she’s away so that you won’t worry for he, especially knowing what happened last time, the type to always try to keep in touch and keep you close no matter the stars between you and her. She’ll ask for one thing that you own that she can carry with her person, making a promise that she’ll come back and return it—the item a testament to her vow—, but for the meantime, she’ll keep it so she has a little piece of you everywhere she goes and she can say that you’re always there by her side.
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DRUM ROLLS PLS *dundundundundun* special mention to the one and only beloved feli @dr-felitas !! i think i owe you a lot of end notes so here i am :3 also i’m sorry if i publish this and i still haven’t responded to your messages (if you have sent me cause im on dnd to avoid my dumbass from checking and looking at the phone during car rides knowing that i get motion sick) ANYWAYS i would like to begin this with i love you mwamwa, you’re one of the sweetest and most wonderful souls i have ever met and anyone who tells u otherwise will get a boulder thrown to their head 🫵 im glad to have met you, that my anti-social ass went ahead and messaged you despite the fact that we only talked once or twice AND IT WAS OVER ASKS OR COMMENTS BUT YEAH !! idk what or where i’ll be if i hadn’t done that; maybe not replying to my friends idk (again im sorry if i take business days to answer i sometimes get busy or i sometimes dont have the energy :3 i hope u still love me hahahaha… *slides down the wall*) again, i really appreciate and adore you for everything. you are a brave and kind person and i only hope for the good things for you. don’t be too mean or harsh to yourself 🫂 know that i’m always here to listen to you no matter what you’re saying. you’re never a burden to me and i hope you’ll come to see just how you shine and radiate with so much warmth and kindness, it’s like love itself is found in you. ily lottss mwaa <33
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sunday, himeko, welt, gallagher, and jing yuan next !!
© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.
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Could you do a sweet fluff for Cassian x Fem reader where it's starfall and they have been in an established relationship and then the mate bond snaps into place and maybe stars just keep landing on them ? Maybe reader is an arecheron sister or rhysand's little sister
Mates
You never believed in love. The world seemed too cruel. Too full of hatred to be able to carry even an ounce of love in it. But what you didn’t expect was to meet an overly cocky general who had you laughing the whole night. Pulling you to the dance floor at Rita’s. Screaming the wrong words to the songs that were playing. And then ending the night with the biggest scoops of ice cream known to man’s kind. Cassian had that energy about him. And while his chaotic character brought you comfort, lightening the bleak reality. It was the way he loved and cared that stole your heart for keeps.
“I think I lost you there for a moment”,’ his fingers carefully brushed over your cheek, bringing you back to the balcony you two were standing at. “Huh…”, you blinked looking up at him. Meeting that same grin that had smithed you for months, “What’s going through that head of yours, sweet? “, Cassian mussed, leaning in to brush his nose with yours. And it almost felt unreal. A trick of your mind. Because the amount of love flowing through you was close to astronomical.
“Honestly?”, you muttered, fingers moving up to smooth the black shirt he was wearing. “Always”, Cassian stated firmly. That had been one of his rules - to always speak what was on your mind. He wanted it all. The silly random thing. The deep pained parts. All he wanted was full clarity between you both. “You”, you muttered, eyes darting up to meet his. The smirk only deepened on Cassian’s lips, “Me?”. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, “I can feel your ego growing we all will suffocate soon”, you said in a dramatic voice only to be met with his fingers jabbing into your side playfully, making you shriek with a giggle.
“Smartypants”, he mussed before leaning in to brush his lips over yours, “What are you thinking about me?”, he quickly questioned a much more serious expression on his face now. You raised an eyebrow, “Oh you want me to feed your ego even more?” Cassian snorted, “Az bruised it this morning when he won five times while we were training”, grumbling. You cooed at him, “You poor baby…”, yet the playful smiles didn’t stick for tonight because something just felt different.
“I thought about us. This. You. How you flipped my world upside down”, you muttered after a moment of silence. “Good way?”, Cassian asked and it almost broke your heart because this man has been so love-starved that it took him months to not second guess if he could hug you whenever he wanted. “The best way”, you reassured him with a smile, “I feel like I was simply existing till I met you and now I am alive”. His eyes softened at your words, “Sweetie…”, he muttered under his breath but your eyes were already filling up with tears, “It’s true but I am also scared that you will meet your mate, and then… I would be…”
Cassian instantly shook his head, “No don’t even entertain that thought”. And it had been a fear of yours. fear that had led to a couple of arguments because you just couldn’t understand why that didn’t frighten him. “But it can happen it’s a possibility”, you said firmly. “Not for me”, Cassian shrugged but his voice didn’t waver. “You don’t know that”, you hissed in frustration. Not directed at him. But at the cruel reality that could catch up to you both at any given moment. “Don’t argue with me about this”, Cassian grunted, running a hand through his hair. “Why?”, you mussed, knowing his side of thoughts because he had tried to make them make sense to you too.
His warm hand gripped the back of your neck as he pulled you in, “Because even if this world was ending and the only way for me to save it was to give you up. I would happily fucking let it all crumble if I got to hold you through it all”. And it’s as if he spoke to the depths of your soul. To parts of you that you couldn’t reach yourself. Your heartbeat picked up. All you could see, all you could sense was him. Your Cassian. That’s when one of the shooting stars hit Cassian’s arm, splattering you both in stardust. You both stood there for a moment and then the most genuine laughter slipped past both of your lips.
Something deep within you snapped and it’s as if the world had finally shown itself in true colors. It already felt overwhelming but now… “No…”, you muttered, coming up to cover your mouth. “No?”, Cassian’s eyebrows shot up. “No, i mean no”, you stuttered as the overwhelming urge to melt into him filled your senses. “Don’t tell me no now women”, Cassian grunted stepping closer, hands reaching out to bring you as close as physically possible.
“You’re my…”, you whispered, voice dying down the moment your eyes met his. “Mate”, you muttered together. A shit-eating grin spread out on Cassian’s lips, “I fucking knew it”, he fist-punched the air like a kid who got given way more candy than expected. “I knew that you were it. My missing piece”, he pointed right at you before smashing his lips to yours. The need the desire poured out of him in waves. “I love you”, you muttered breathlessly. “I love you more”, he cupped your face, “and now he said in between kisses please get all the imaginary females in your head to disappear because there are no other girls just you.”
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Truly, my sympathies to people watching IWTV and are getting tired/bored of different perspectives. I'm not bored or even remotely tired.
Interviews by their very nature are perspective based. The story has this specific framing. As did the first book. They added to it with Armand now being an active participant and Daniel being more seasoned at interviewing. I understand how Armand's very edited and hyperbolic take on events that Book Lestat describes in The Vampire Lestat rubs people the wrong way. I do think that one could argue the way Lestat writes his own autobiography is the objective truth (note Armand in his book does not contradict Lestat). However, sorry to say, there is never an objective truth. The truth is always subjective.
I was raised by a whole family of lawyers and if I learned anything is that you can spin things in any way, but an objective truth will never exist. Not in crime, not in person to person storytelling, not in fictional storytelling. Hell, viewers seeing the SAME show CANNOT come to a consensus. Why? Because we all put our thoughts, experiences, and feelings to it. That's all perspective.
We see Louis give Armand a kiss in bed. Some think aw domestic and cute. Some think Louis is deliberately withholding and rewarding Armand for good behaviour. Some saw the act they put on in E2 as some version of truth and domesticity and some think it's only an act. Some think Dreamstat is actual Lestat out there somewhere and some think it's Louis' conscience.
Yes, the narrative will confirm one thought or another on some things but not all of them. They're deliberately left up to interpretation. Something btw, Lestat urges the reader to do in TVL when he does not go into details about his time with Louis and Claudia. And part of that has to do with perspective.
We could have a straightforward narrative with no corrections and no perspectives. But would that be as interesting as seeing how minds that far exceed our own twist and bend and interpret events? Would it be as interesting as seeing a vampire who tells himself a story so that he can carry on living despite being miserable? Would it be as interesting as this vampire who tells himself a story get pushback on what he's saying by someone who notices errors and inconsistencies? Would it be an interview at all? Or would it be, as Daniel put it in the very first episode, "a fever dream told to an idiot."
If you want a straightforward non-challenging version of the story, the 1994 movie exists. It's not perfect and a lot of details are missing, but there's only one, unchallenged perspective to it. And even then...how many people didn't (want to) see the queerness in it?
TL;DR I get being frustrated or tired or bored by the way the show is trying to tell the story, but at least it's doing something a little different and not word for word.
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So if Amy isn’t in the film, who would give the humanity speech to shadow?
Hi Hon❤️✨
I’ve shared this thought before, but I’m more than happy to talk about it again. I definitely think—and strongly feel—that moment needs to go to Sonic. Not Amy Rose. Please understand that this is not a hate post towards the character. This post is meant to be a reflection of the characters that we know and how they would respond the best to an emotional situation.
The conversation that Amy Rose had with Shadow worked because we got to grow up with her. Through a progression of years, we’ve watched Amy Rose go from cheerleader to becoming her own hero. We’ve had the pleasure of seeing her love the world around her over time. We’ve seen her form relationships with people, we’ve seen her create a life for herself everywhere she goes, we’ve seen her tag along on adventures and prove her worth, and we’ve seen her experience the good and bad that come with life as both a heroine and a civilian. That’s why the moment worked so well in Sonic Adventure 2; we got to grow up with her throughout the games and experience life through her perspective. And because we got that perspective of her “growing up,” her conversation felt much more meaningful in order to trigger a locked memory in Shadow.
This moment wouldn’t work in the films. We wouldn’t have the same relationship that we’ve formed with Amy Rose in a 2hr+ movie as we did in a span of 30-odd years. It wouldn’t feel natural and heartfelt either. The moment would feel like a forced interaction that pays homage to the games. However, this interaction would work best with Sonic Wachowski because we are watching him grow up. We’ve seen how Sonic Wachowski handles the bad and the good in SCU through a progression of years.
This moment needs to come from Sonic. He will have the a level of compassion that Shadow would need in order to snap back into reality. Believe it or not, Sonic also has an understanding of what it’s like to be compared to as something dangerous. The whole point of Sonic remaining hidden for years (from both humans and other species) is because of his abilities. His power is controlled by emotion; when unchecked, it can be dangerous. But when controlled, he can master it. That needs to be a conversation with Shadow, considering he’s viewed as both a weapon and hope for humanity.
Sonic also has an understanding of what it’s like to lose someone that he loves because of him existing. It’s a guilt that resides in both of them where it feels like it’s their fault for the loss of a life. Granted, their experiences are different in how they both loss their loved ones. No one will understand that better, and relate to Shadow better, other than Sonic.
Sonic will have a better understanding of how humans function in the modern world. We’ve seen a healthy balance in how humans respond to extraterrestrials coming to earth. The humans have either welcomed them with open arms, acknowledge their existence and move on, or try and steal their power. Sonic knows the wide range of response; he can vouch on the behalf of those that are kindhearted.
As much as I love Amy Rose, I don’t believe that this moment should come from her. This moment needs to come from Sonic. And that’s okay. Don’t include her into the film to act as an Easter egg. Include her for the right reason. Give her a proper moment that outshines that one. I guarantee you that she is so much more than that. I hope that this answers your question, my dear.
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hey-august · 2 days
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Hello and welcome to the virgin!buggy brainrot 🤡
WC: ~500 Warnings: NSFW, mdni, virgin!Buggy x GN!reader, mentions of oral -m receiving and of buggy pegging himself, first time sex, insertion sex
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Buggy thought he knew what it would be like.
Surely it had to be like that one pity blowjob he received as a young captain trying to make a name for himself. He even had decades of practice by taking advantage of his body’s unique abilities to fuck his own ass.
So Buggy knew how it felt to have his dick in wet, hot warmth. To feel someone else move around him, to feel pressure, constriction, pleasure. He also knew the effort it took to shove, thrust, hump. He was ready to have sex.
But the moment his overly sensitive head touched your entrance, Buggy knew he was screwed. He was in trouble. This was nothing like what he experienced previously. The pirate eased himself in and was terrified.
You weren’t warm - you were hot. Boiling hot. And tight. But soft, so deliciously soft. How did he make it this far into adulthood without this intoxicating feeling?
Buggy had watched his own body accept his length, so why did it look different when it was you? Watching himself disappear inch by inch in you was the best thing he’s ever seen. Wait, second best - the look on your face right now was better. But it was also distracting. He needed to concentrate. Fuck, he was starting to sweat and he had barely started.
Shit, the way you reacted to every little thing he did was wonderful and seriously messed with him. Every sound, twitch, contraction, pulse, even the way you fucking looked at him - it was impossible for him to find a steady tempo. He felt feral and nervous. He wanted to ravage you and bring you pleasure. He wanted to come. But could he even do all that?
Your hand moved fast, working to bring your own bliss. Buggy was enthralled and distraught. He wanted to do that, but he could hardly remember to breathe right now.
And then, you gave him the sweetest gift. A kindness that he didn’t understand at first. You begged for him to come on you. 
“Please, please, please, I want to watch you come on me. I need to feel it on my skin.”
So Buggy pulled out and fisted his slick length. This felt familiar, like a comforting hug. Any snide comments or anxious worries that you stopped him from fucking you were pushed away by the way you writhed underneath him. By the way your eyes darted between his dripping tip and blurred fist, up to his flushed and focused face. By your sinful praises, the way you begged, your decadent moans and groans as you chased a climax that arrived just as his own did.
He might have blacked out. Everything felt so good. Sounded so good. Maybe he died and went to heaven. Although heaven was sticky and damp. As his sweat soaked into the bed and then started to evaporate off his skin, Buggy moved closer to you. Closer to your warmth.
“Next time I wanna come in you.”
“It’s a deal, lover boy.”
Hopefully you didn’t notice how his soft dick tried to twitch when you laughed. What a wonderful sound.
Lover boy…maybe next time Buggy would try to make love to you. He wasn't sure how much it differed from sex, but he wanted to try. He wanted to love you.
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042502 · 3 days
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☆༉ — CHRIS STURNIOLO. The Unwritten Rule.
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about. Everyone knows the rule, don't fall in love with your best friend's boyfriend.
author's note. This is the chapter 7, I hope it sounds interesting to you. My first language is not English. masterlis!
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I started to relax a little after working for a while. Because Anna doesn't care about assignments when it's something she wants to do, like the individual investigative report we were assigned as part of the grade. He gives everything of himself, even more.
In eighth grade, she did an awesome interactive project about Broadway. He wrote about actors and actresses who were good in their day, and used their stories in a report, almost a book due to its length, about what Broadway represents for those who were part of the works that made it important.
It was so good that our English teacher wanted to talk to Anna's mom to try to publish it, but Anna's mom is always busy, and at the end-of-term ceremony she had to leave early, even before Anna received her award.
"Here," she says, pushing aside the book she was holding. "Now I know exactly what the proposal will be for my project - Broadway's fight to keep the ever-growing members of the media on edge.”
"Wow," I say, and she smiles.
"I know! Great, right?"
"Too much.”
She stretches and leans toward Chris. "What are you doing?"
"I don't know yet," he confesses. "Maybe something about how artists practice in a society where funds are harder to find, and how there are no real stars in the field anymore. At least not the ones everyone hears.”
"Because there is no money in them, just like you said," he remarked. "It's easy to be famous for just being someone, and that's what usually pays. Or at least it gives you something." Now his eyes are on me. “What are you doing?”
I shrug and Anna nudges my leg with her foot, smiling. "You already know that," she frowned, confused. "shoes, of course. Your obsession, which is completely strange" there was silence until she spoke again which is great.
"I don't think it's strange" Chris didn't seem to share Anna's thought. "I've never been to as many Broadway shows as how many, fifty? But I'm not saying you're obsessed."
"That's different," Anna babbles, "Why are you so mean? Ada, aren't you being mean to me?"
I know what I'm supposed to say, “yes” and then Anna will say “thank you” pretending to be sad and then she'll flirt with Chris and throw herself at him and... Why does Anna have to make me feel so bad sometimes?
"Good, now you're both being mean to me" he crossed his arms, pouting his lips pretending to be sad. "He's sorry that Broadway isn't as good as what you call art, Chris." He stops looking at Chris and now turns to me. "I'm sorry I don't want to read about shoes or spend years making ones that no one will see because who looks at feet?" oh that was really hurtful.
"I need some air." Chris stands up abruptly, walking out of the room. After a few seconds he heard the patio door sliding.
"Oh shit," Anna curses.
My gaze falls to the ground. "Do you think it's weird that I like shoes? Really?" I dare to ask him, still keeping my gaze on the ground.
"No," she replied, she was looking at the door and then I see her shake her head. "Not really. It's different, but it works for you."
What are you trying to tell me?
"What do you think I should do about Chris?" I change the subject so quickly, of course after all the only thing that matters is her relationship with Chris and not how I may feel. "Boys have gotten upset with me before, but it's always been for things like I don't want to be with them or talking to another boy. I don't understand why he's upset. I haven't said anything bad about him or his art," she bites her bottom lip for a second. "Well, not really anything bad. Would you go talk to him? See how upset he is?”
"I don't want to get involved, Anna" I looked up at her, with a serious face.
"Get involved? Come on, Ada. You just have to know why he's upset with me. It's asking him a question, and you've done it before. Besides, he didn't go against you."
"He didn't go against you, either. He just came out to take a breather." Of course, it's all about you, isn't it? "And I think you should go out and..."
I stop when Anna gives me a cold look, she is upset.
"I didn't tell you everything that happened last night”
Whats?!
"I asked Mike if he wanted to go out with me. I wanted to show that I can kiss someone else and it wouldn't be like kissing Chris. But it didn't happen like that. I keep thinking about what he would do if he saw me, and it wouldn't be like she was with another guy. I can't even imagine it focusing or anything. I can only see him leaving me and…” he sighs. "I couldn't stand it, and I'm sorry I said what I said about you and your shoes. You're not mad at me, right?”
"Just hurt" I notice Anna's surprised look.
"I didn't mean to..." his voice trailed off. "When I say things like that, I don't mean for them to sound bad. You know that, right?”
I nod, because I know, and Anna smiles as she stands up. She nudges me with her knee to make me follow her.
"Let's go" is already happy again. "Talk to Chris, I'll prepare something to eat."
I stare at her, jealous, I get upset with myself for it and she bites her lip.
"I'm really sorry. I'm a horrible person. You shouldn't go out with me, and now you know why my parents never want to be around me."
Her voice breaks on the last few words, and I know exactly why Anna is the way she is, why she's so quick to say words that hurt more than she thinks. I know why she is so scared of being left behind. Why did it happen to you?
"Your parents suck. Too much," I spoke truthfully. "And I've wanted to be with you since we were in kindergarten."
"Oh really?" I nod my head in response. "Thank you" she whispered, hugging me and then she walks away and pushes me towards the patio door, we walk together towards the door without going through it.
"Look at him" we both looked at Chris. "Its not cute?"
He was standing outside, a few steps from Anna's yard, with his head down, his eyes closed. He looks tired and sad. It made me want to run up to him and hug him and tell him to let it all go.
"He's fine" I speak, Anna laughs and opens the door now pushing me through it gently. Pushing me towards Chris. He turns around as I do so.
He takes a step towards it and I can hear Anna humming as she closes the door. I wanted to go back and sit on the couch.
But really what I want is to be with him out here alone.
"Chris?" I said, hoping my body wouldn't shake like that just from saying his name.
"Hey" he said, turning to face me, the light that was supposed to shine on the back garden and exposed potential thieves or the weed or whatever was there just for him at this moment, just shining on him, and he's magnificent, and I kissed him.
I kissed him, and he kissed me, I should have talked touching his hair, I should have memorized the feeling of his mouth, there should be more than just thinking. "Yes, this is it, this is what I've been waiting for, this is how it had to be."
"Anna is very worried," I said, but the words came very quickly, as if by not getting them out of my mouth quickly enough I would stop thinking. I would stop loving. "She likes you a lot" and now my voice was cracking, but I wasn't sad, I'm not. I forced myself to smile, spreading my mouth wide. "She'll even make you something to eat."
She's never done that for another guy.
He looked at me, and I wondered if he could look inside my head, if he could see the words that I had no longer said out loud, and that I wouldn't dare say.
"Are you okay?" he asked me, still looking at me, I felt my smile slip, fade, and the silence that fell upon us was so full that I could hear nothing, neither the hiss of my heart beating in my chest, nor the sounds around us; insects, the wind, and the other distant rumbles in each other's lives in houses built close, but not too close because when you look out the window all we pretend to be seeing is the new.
But Chris is not mine.
"I'm fine," I replied. Looking over my shoulder, I caught a view of Anna moving around the kitchen, with fluid grace even when doing something as ordinary as making popcorn. She could get extra butter just because she knew I liked it, I knew that about her just like I know she had chickenpox when she was four, and she had a scar on her right ankle because of that, the only place she had been marked, her mother told her that she had been bad for doing that and it made her cry. "I'm fine" I said again, and this time when I looked at Chris I forced myself to look at him with Anna the first time, that first night at the party at the end of summer, and then the moments that came, after school, weeks of them together. Weeks, which I did because I had to see what was real.
"You should go in and talk to her" he pointed inside. "I'll give you five minutes of privacy and then I'll go in, grab my things and leave."
He looked at the ground. "Can I ask you something?"
Yeah. No Yes. I sang internally, I forced myself to shrug my shoulders, to say “sure.” Without words right now I couldn't do anything.
"Ada" He said coming closer, my fingers curled inside my sneakers, waiting. Waiting for whatever was to come. "I need to know something, you... Do you remember the party before school started? You were in the studio and I came in.”
I nodded, watching his torso work, his pale skin caught in the glow of the light falling on the darkness.
"I really wanted to keep talking to you" the words came out in a whisper. "And when I called your house the next day, I didn't call for Anna, Ada. I wanted to talk to you."
"With me?"
"Yes," his voice was rough, intense, and we were too close to touch, but we weren't, we weren't.
But I could feel everything around us, with every breath I took there was the promise of his skin touching mine, and I wanted that.
I wanted us to kiss again, I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted him.
I love him, and he is looking at me like he looked at me that night.
He is looking at me like he wants to kiss me.
"Chris" His name came out of my lips like a plea. I was afraid of this, of him, of me, especially of him and me. But not enough, not as it should. Then his head lowered toward mine and I rose to my feet, longing to find him and then...
And then Anna's mother yelled, "Who the hell parked their car in my garage?!"
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author's note. If you want to be part of the taglist leave a comment below and I will add you. Thanks for reading, remember to like, share with your friends and leave a nice comment ^^
taglist. @l34n @jetaimevous @jnkvivi @loveyoumatthewbernard @d1tzy-bl0nde @laxbabe131147 @slut4chriss @dontellaf1lms @surniolozzzprincess @sturnlova @inlovewithchriss @whicked-hazlatwhore @mattsgirlsblog @nsjsnshey @always-reading @y-s-a-p @h3arts4harry
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nilboxes · 23 hours
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I didn't know who to say this too but i was about to explode thinking about this and you are one of the few people in hsr fandom that i trust to understand ratio so my apologies to be dumping this on you all of a sudden but... I think Ratio's technique is so interesting in a way and speaks more about him than people give it credit for. Like...creating a fake version of himself that aggros the enemy is already very meta of how hsr fandom tends to see him, esp with the number of people that started hating him after that "betrayal" scene in 2.1 xD And it makes me wonder about his voiceline where he says something like "im fine with showing my true self if it helps me teach students/cures patients but i find that doing so is counterproductive most of the time"...wdym "true self" sir...and why are your character details completely devoid of any details from your own pov...and why do you get so evasive when anyone tries to ask about your past (going by that one interview when someone asked him what he was like as a child and he's just like "what a silly question, i was a normal boy")...it seems to me the princess is hiding something...
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Thank you for your ask OP! It's really interesting to think about your question, and I'm humbled by your trust! I hope whatever I cook can satisfy you in some way. It's going to be a bit long!!
Let's start by saying I do operate under the belief that we know a lot about Dr Ratio and at the same time we only know what he wants us to know, which I find incredibly interesting to his character.
It can go many different ways. A lot of people use this mysteriousness to hint at the following:
1. something sinister (I am not necessarily saying you are doing this)
2. suggesting that he is more than who he is, like he may be more than who he presents to be (may or may not be evil in alignment but just more)
3. he really just thinks divulging further personal information about him is pointless and he values his privacy as an individual rather than a prominent figure
Let me now unpack the most wrongest [sic] take, number 1, which I find to be antithetical to his character, because Dr Ratio has always been aligned with doing good. He isn't your typical good person, but he is morally pushing for good (eradication of ignorance, people finding and reaching their potential etc), and he rather he reminds me of a very stern but nonetheless kind educator who genuinely demands good be brought into the world through one's aptitude and ability (just like himself) and not relying on others to solve problems for you
Number 2 is a little tricky, since we cannot really confirm nor deny that Ratio is no longer truly following Nous after he realizes he will never be acknowledged, he may be aligned to another Aeon or none entirely! I personally dislike the Mythus/Fictionologist take, because again it is antithetical to who he is as a character. Fictionologists will rewrite history and twists facts in order to create the possibility of uncovering more, but this is akin to something called accelerationism, which is in plain words to incite chaos (bad) in the slim chances that from the chaos a great good might emerge/ be produced/discovered etc, a practice and ideology I feel Dr Ratio as he is characterized now would be extremely against. Now I do subscribe to the fact that Dr Ratio may not be following an Aeon at all or we aren't privy to who they are yet, but this is a possibility that there is a facet to Dr Ratio we have not seen yet and will down the line so...
Number 3 is where I am at now, I really, genuinely think Dr Ratio just thinks of himself as some guy who was gifted with the equivalent of 8 genius brains but it isn't anything exceptional. From how he acts, he feels like some guy who had a rather normal childhood (if not really lonely, which I talk about in my twitter thread here) and grew up to be exceptional except in all the ways he wanted/was taught to want/thought he might want.
So I operate on several headcanons about Ratio just genuinely being so smart in a planet that is presumably the remnants of the civilization in the Laurel Wreath Galaxy where a Philosopher King/Philosopher Union was mentioned. This headcanon is heavily colored by this excellent theory a fellow fan made and I have to admit I can scarcely distinguish between mine and theirs while I turn him around in my brain so do give them/their thread a read too when you can, but I do also subscribe to how Ratio must have been exceptional in a civilization that prizes scholarship and enlightenment.
Knowing this, I presume he grew up with a lot of expectations placed upon him, particularly that of gaining the gaze or glance of Nous and ascending as a genius society member or more! That is a lot to place on an individual, especially someone like Ratio who is very much hinted to have grown up very fast due to his vast knowledge and while it's a stretch to say he was forced into growing up fast, because he def wasn't, he was nevertheless seemingly not really given much opportunities to be a child, as the push for him to start university very early could suggest that his aptitude and potential were so valued that it overridden any other needs he may have. If we wanted to ask about his childhood, he would have very dull things to say too, so to speak. I imagine it wasn't eventful at all, but filled with just studies.
Where am I going with this about his statues? They are called Mold of Idolatry! Idolatry meaning the extreme adoration or love of someone. That Dr Ratio makes the statues of himself never seems like the narcissistic sort, that would imply he holds himself in an extremely high regard to the detriment of others, but Dr Ratio isn't narcissistic, he would be a vastly different character if he was. The key to narcissism is that there is a great need, to the point of detriment, for admiration.
Now, look over to how Dr Ratio presents himself to us in his 1.6 quests. He wears his plaster head as not to be recognized by others, to remain incognito if you will, and is content to sit at the sidelines nudging things along in the background rather than swoop in and take the credit as the hero when Duke Inferno was trying to wreak havoc on the Space Station. His heroic deeds are never realized by the people he saved from being spaced, that is not an action of a narcissistic man who would gloat about saving other people. No, he sees his job is done and he walks away without fanfare, without even so much as seeking a thank you from the people he saved. That's one of the clearest and most well-thought of character introductions/demonstrations in the game and a solid proof that he isn't a narcissist (again self-centeredness is different!)
With that in mind, what does the statue imply?
Dr Ratio operates by redirecting attention not to himself so he can freely move in the background. That it looks like him in funny poses speaks to a silliness I feel he never really gets a chance to let loose too often, so his "art" is his outlet. That it directs enemies to attack that instead of him, I can't help but feel like there's a sense of "look at this 'image of me' others have built up, pour your love/expectations/wants/aspirations (and the extreme opposite of that maybe?) to that likeness of me instead, and let me be free from that to be who I could be without all of that baggage"
tl;dr -- it's not that deep but it is?? I feel like Ratio just wants to be left alone to do his thing and that's what the Mold of Idolatry represents.
I hope that satisfies you, anon! Thank you for your question, since I do have more insights to Dr Ratio now. I think I'll also find a way to condense this into a Twitter thread sometime.
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Welcome to my and @romanthereigns prompt list! 🩷🩵
Give credits to us if you use any prompts
⚠️18+ for smut! ⚠️
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☻ "So we’re officially starting a family now?"
☻ “I’m pregnant, not handicapped”
☻ "The only thing owed is this child having both parents and if you're in I'm in"
☻ “I can’t wait to see you be the best dad”
☻ "Look at you, absolutely wonderful just like your mom, you're gonna be an amazing human"
☻ “I hate this” “hate what?” “Hate that I’m huge and I know you don’t want me anymore”
☻ "That's our baby, kicking my hand" "They love you already"
☻ “Why are you crying?” “Because our baby’s so cute”
☻ "You’re doing so well sweetheart, just a few more weeks my superwoman"
☻ “I’m not going to be in a place where my baby and I aren’t wanted”
☻ "Can't keep your hands away can you?" "Why would I when you're always so damn pretty and with my baby in you"
☻ “If this baby doesn’t get out of me soon, you’re gonna have to just push me in a wheelbarrel for the rest of my life”
☻ "The first one is always an adventure"
☻ “This baby is messing with you, I want you all the time. You’re not huge, you’re pregnant and even if you were, I don’t care I love you”
☻ "I'm afraid of being a dad because of how my dad was with me..."
☻ “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything for your birthday” “You gave me the best gift of all, being a mother/father”
☻ "That's our baby, kicking my hand" "They love you already"
☻ “We gotta think of a name soon, I’m not gonna call my baby ‘baby’ for the rest of my life”
☻ "Look at my little baby, absolutely beautiful head to toe and already smiling"
☻ "Hi little one, you're so beautiful and perfect my little baby"
☻ “The baby hasn’t stopped crying and if you don’t hug me soon, I’m going to start crying too”
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✫ “Everytime I get sad, I think of your beautiful face and I’m reminded it’s on a be okay”
✫ "You can trust me"
✫ “When we first met, I never thought I’d fall in love with you”
✫ "You're different and that's what makes you wonderful"
✫ “When I look at you, I think about how happy I am, I can’t believe you’re mine”
✫ "You brought so many things to my life that I thought I never deserved"
✫ “When I look into your eyes, it’s a reminder of who I do it for”
✫ "Remember, you're not alone"
✫ “When you smile, I can’t help but smile too. Your smile makes everything better”
✫ "Come closer, I'll warm you up in my arms"
✫ “I often wonder how different life would have been without you in it… I’m glad you’re in it because you make everything better”
✫ "I never expected to have anyone love me the way you do"
✫ “You’re this lovable goofball who I’m so lucky that I fell in love with”
✫ "You brought so many things to my life that I thought I never deserved"
✫ “When I talk about you, I tell them that the one thing that makes me fall in love with you… your heart of pure gold”
✫ "You're my home"
✫ “You’re this lovable goofball who I’m so lucky that I fell in love with”
✫ "The person who I want in my life by my side and to love forever, it's you"
✫ “When I think of you, all these bad thoughts disappear”
✫ "You're not broken, you're human and not everyone is willing to accept and understand it, but I am"
✫ “Do you feel my beating heart? It only beats for you”
✫ "You make me feel safe when I'm vulnerable, and I can never trust or love anyone to do that than you"
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☼ "Come to my room, there’s this thing I wanna try"
☼ “Look at you doing such a good job”
☼ "You’re so beautiful all spread out like this... just for me"
☼ “I love watching you taste me”
☼ "Don’t worry, I’ll take of you"
☼ “Oh, you’re so sensitive I love that”
☼ "I bought a few pieces of lingerie, want me to model for you?"
☼ “Fuck me!” “Alright, bend over”
☼ "Don’t be afraid, it’s just me"
☼ “God, you’re soaked is that all from me?”
☼ "I don’t know what to do" "Then let me teach you"
☼ “Look at you…falling apart because of me”
☼ "Don’t cover you’re face, I want to see you"
☼ “When I think about you, I touch myself”
☼ "Spend the night with me"
☼ “I want to remember this night for the rest of my life, you’re just so perfect”
☼ "I’ve been thinking about this night"
☼ “I don’t care how long it takes, but I’m gonna make you scream my name”
☼ "So damn sexy, just keep moving like that"
☼ “Oh god, I’m so close baby”
☼ "More beautiful than you already were"
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✎ “I hate that I care so much about you, but I know you don’t care about me in the slightest”
✎ "I wanna know why, why did it have to happen to me?"
✎ “You’ve broke me for the last time”
✎ "Stop looking at me like I'm damaged goods"
✎ “I’m so scared to trust you because I know what happens in the end
✎ "I trusted you...and you left me broken"
✎ “One day, I’ll be moved on and you’ll want me, but I promise you, I’m not coming back this time”
✎ "The worst part is I truly loved you"
✎ “I fucking hate you for this, there’s no forgiving you this time”
✎ "I just want to know you care about me"
✎ “Don’t tell me you’re sorry if you’re not gonna mean it”
✎ "You saved me then killed me all over again"
✎ “I can’t hate you for everything you’ve done and I don’t know why”
✎ "Why am I always your second choice?"
✎ “You make me feel so stupid”
✎ "I loved you, believe me I did then you turned into someone else, someone... scary"
✎ “I can’t stay this time, I don’t think I love you anymore”
✎ "You were my ride or die"
✎ “I can’t think of any reason we should still be together”
✎ "Why did I even think I could be enough for you"
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envy-of-the-apple · 21 hours
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Hi!! This is my first time messaging a writer I really like but I’m high and have enjoyed your work for a while now and just wanted to share my appreciation especially after reading RAST. Sorry in advance for how unorganized this may look.
As a reader, I enjoy your story telling so much. You switch between past and present so fluidly and it makes the “world-building”feel natural while still keeping my interest and moving forward the plot.
I also wanted to compliment you on your ability to story tell so well while also staying true to the personality of the characters you write about. (I have specific examples I will detail later in this message from RAST because you did such a wonderful job of translating dynamics from the JJK universe into a Mafia AU)
I just wanted to share Little Details From RAST I enjoyed/made me really think
1.Grabbing Gojo’s wrist when he reaches for your skirt/panties happens both at the beginning and the end. I like how there’s a difference in Gojo’s reaction. The first time, he lightly dismissing your actions when he doesn’t have any genuine interest in you. The tension between Gojo in Ms. Gem later on is so telling because now Gojo knows all cards have been revealed and expects to be rewarded. It’s like when a dog finally gets their jaws on a toy and growls when you try to take it away.
2.(This detail I noted is an example of themes from the JJK universe translating well into your Mafia AU)In the JJK universe, there is definitely a patriarchal system in place which leads misogyny displayed in characters like Naoya. Your AU does a good job of portraying this culture as well from the start. It’s shared that the men of the organization don’t like women with “nasty attitude. It’s def implied that most men hold higher positions of power. It results in the events where we see other men laughing at Gem when she’s being groped by guards or being humiliated by Geto during his meeting.
3.(This goes for all your SatoSugu fics but especially in RAST) I love love love your characterization of Geto and Gojo. You’re very good at capturing personalities of characters but it’s especially clear in the SatoSugu fics you write because the dialogue is true to how they would speak to their darling AND eachother.
4.Through RAST, I was actually able to understand the personalities of Geto and Gojo in the manga better!It makes sense for Geto to be so controlled in personality because a controlled/calculating demeanor would only way for Geto to move up in ranks within the Yakuza and eventually meet and be on equal footing with Gojo. In the JJK world we see that Gojo really values Geto because Geto is on the same level as Gojo, but I forget that Geto must’ve clearly worked really hard to get to that level both in terms of skill and respect because he was born to a non-sorcerer family.With Gojo being apart of the sorcerer world/yakuza family by blood and always being reminded of how much power he has, it makes sense he would be so uncaring of social norms and so freely in Ms. Gem’s personal space.I can also see why, as you mentioned in another post, Geto doesn’t like to get his hands dirty, he’d be the type to see how to milk a situation for the most benefit rather than lashing out as Gojo would. (i.e. Gojo immediately throwing hands when the other yakuza family member touched Ms. Gem while Getou immediately seeing a chance to push Ms. Gem into their arms without a fit)
5. The car scene is actually lowkey funny bc they really do treat her like a pet on a road trip and ofc Gojo is the one watching cat videos lmaooo
7. You have this pattern in your writing (I like to think of it as a writer’s signature) of having questions by the reader go unanswered by the yandere while having phrases of affections by yanderes be barely acknowledged and I LOVE it. Every time I see it I eat it up because it’s so… akdjsjd
8. I love to see the SEM and EKM make an appearance in the last scene
Please correct me if any of my analysis in my thoughts are wrong and sorry in advance if that happens!! I truly enjoy the effort you put in as a writer
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authoralexharvey · 13 hours
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INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @albatris
Who You Are:
Logan || It/its
Hello! I'm a queer horror novelist and friend to cats from South Australia! I spend my time making art of all sorts, especially relating to my experiences of queerness and psychosis.
What You Write:
What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?
Comedy, fantasy, horror, and sci-fi. Young adult and adult.
What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?
Horror! There's such rich ground to explore in stories of horror and psychosis when you're not an ableist prick about it! There are unique and valuable stories to be told in the overlap here and I'm having a wonderful time weaving my own experiences of schizotypal personality disorder into my horror writing. It's the closest I've come to being able to share my inner world with others :)
What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?
Historial fiction! I don't have anything against the genre, but it's just not my cup of tea. I'd never feel like I'm nailing the time period due to the sheer amount of nuance and detail that I'd need to have on hand… major props to historical fiction writers, you are stronger and more organised writers than I
Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?
My target audience ranged from YA to adult, depending on the work in question. I want to speak to primarily people who are feeling disconnected and alone… I guess you could say my target audience is just myself of the past? I'm writing the stuff I needed to read, the stuff that would have made me feel seen and loved and understood. Anyone else is welcome along for the ride though ^.^ I hope others who don't see themselves in my work would catch a glimpse of a different way of understanding the world and be able to empathise and understand, and maybe have a lot of fun with it, too!
What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?
I love all that cheesy goodness about the power of friendship and the human capacity for kindness and connection! My stories, however otherwise horrifying or heavy, tend to come back to these at their core. My works all focus heavily on mental illness, neurodivergence and disability. I also have a soft spot for bendy realities, body horror, paranoia and hiveminds.
What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?
I cannot stand "the whole thing was just a delusion all along! none of it was ever real!" or "ooh they thought it was psychosis but it turns out it was ~magic~! see, our protagonist isn't CRAZY like those actually crazy people!" style plot twists. They're lazy and ableist! In general, I have zero tolerance for anything that demonises psychosis or uses psychosis only as an edgy plot twist.
What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?
I have two main projects, "All the Doors are Open", a YA fantasy/horror about the collapse of reality, and "A Rental Car Takes a Left Down Rake Street and Disappears" a paranormal horror about a vampire hivemind. I've been working on some variation of ATDAO for eight years, and Rental Car is a baby by comparison, and was only created last year.
Why do you write? What keeps you writing?
I write for fun! As much as I love to connect with others and allow them a glimpse into my understanding of the world, I primarily write because I just like to have a good time hahaha. It's something I love to dabble in and explore, something I love to wander through, something I keep coming back to over and over. I just feel a pull to it :D
How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?
I've been writing since I was around six years old! Growing up as a kid with undiagnosed psychosis and delusions, I had a lot of funky weird ideas about reality. I quickly found my reality didn't match with those around me and often turned to fiction writing as a means to express myself in a way others found more "palatable". It's a way for me to open the door to communication!
Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?
All kinds of places! Songs, dreams, daydreams, personal experience, conversations… I have a very chaotic brain, I take in a lot of odd information and it all lays the foundation for odd ideas to grow!
What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?
I'm most proud of Rental Car at the moment! It was my first foray into proper full-on horror and my first time writing a specifically schizotypal protagonist like myself, and people have responded with enthusiasm to both! It's become a passion project I really adore and I'm proud of myself for taking the plunge and starting it :D
Have you published anything? Do you want to?
I'd love to publish in the future!
What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?
I'm not sure what appeals to me the most, but marketing appeald to me least hahaha. I'm not really a big presence on social media and I hate promoting myself. I just want to be a hermit. I'm not cut out for marketing myself :P
What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?
I love editing! I love revision! I love wandering through this little garden I've written and pruning and polishing it. It's my favourite part of the process :D I don't have a least favourite part, at least not off the top of my head.
Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.
I have no setup! No schedule! I write when I feel like it and stop the moment I'm not having fun anymore. This has increased my productivity and enjoyment tenfold, as well as improve the quality of my work!
Your Thoughts on Writeblr:
How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?
Around 8 years! I don't remember what initially inspired me to join.
Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?
@tracle0, a friend and pal, who has some of my favourite worldbuilding of all time and such incredible characters! I've been following them for a long time now and love hearing their thoughts :D
What is your favorite part about writeblr?
I love the creativity and enthusiasm! People have such wonderful brains and I love being able to hear people talk about their work with such passion and adoration!
What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?
I think… remembering that writeblr itself is not a hivemind! I see a lot of folks lamenting that they feel ignored by "the community" or that the community is dying, and I think a lot of people see writeblr as a huge monolith. It's not! People gotta focus more on finding a few good friends and a handful of works to be genuinely invested in, rather than trying to interact with the whole of the (ginormous!) community, and expecting the whole community to interact with them. Writeblr is a description of a type of blog, and it's incredibly diverse and complicated and broad! You won't vibe with everyone and it's not so much like an official club you join but a shared experience.
How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?
Man, I'm just vibing. I'm invested in a collection of works I try to keep up with, and I try to keep up with the little circle of writeblrs I'm involved with! Reblogging and getting excited. I'm also often that person who gets bored and goes "heyyyy I'm bored, does anyone have an oc I can draw"… I love doing art for people! Could I be doing more? Probably! But also, I'm not meant to be everything to everyone.
What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?
I don't have a preference!
What kind of posts do you most like to make?
Rambles, excerpts and art!
Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?
I'm just here, babey! And albatris on NaNoWriMo, too. And I guess if you like you can hit me up for my discord, I help run a small writing server!
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Biting the bars of my enclosure about autistic ford tonight. There's something about him using vocabulary and turns of phrase that seem "outdated" or "pretentious" that feels so painfully genuine to me. When people say he talks like that just to "try to sound smart" I wish I could explain what it's like to be so ostracized from your peers growing up that you spend all your time reading instead, to the point where you pick up your way of speaking from books instead of from people. And then what it's like for people to call you out for "talking weird" over and over again, not able to wrap their heads around why the fuck you would choose more archaic or technical or formal words than the simpler ones that surely come to everyone's minds first. What it's like to have to dedicate a sizable chunk of attention to filtering through every single word you say out loud in real time before you say it, to make absolutely sure that it isn't a word people will judge you for using or make fun of you for using, just so you'll have a chance of being taken seriously. Learning through trial and error how to filter out the words that other people don't think are normal or casual enough for the conversation, even though for you, the word choice that's "natural-sounding" enough for them is the third or fourth word you came up with when searching for the right way to phrase something in your head. I wish I could explain just how long it takes to say fucking anything after spending a lifetime doing that during every single conversation, and how repetitive and long-winded you end up being when you spend so long coming up with alternative ways of saying every little thing you ever think. And I wish people realized that, at the very least for autistic people and autistic-coded characters, speech that's seen as pretentious is really just the way they talk when they're not putting in the extra effort to filter through every word they say just so others will take the time to listen.
#ford meta#actuallyautistic#everyone go read the wikipedia page for 'stilted speech' right now#long post#ford isnt very good at masking. he doesn't have the kind of (unintentional) autistic coding that is Palatable To Neurotypicals.#definitely looking-too-deeply-at-a-kid-cartoon right now but in *some* ways. a world where the majority of people think its easy to like an#-understand ford is a world that would feel safe for me to unmask in.#i truly truly hate that fully explaining my thoughts on ford requires me to say so much about myself. but god is it such a crime-#-to use a fictional character as a lens through which to try and explain to people how to be more understanding and accepting-#-of things like this.#making fun of stilted speech is so normalized that people don't even realize they're making fun of someone for being weird.#people think its Someone Thinking They're Better Than You but its something people lay awake at night wishing they could stop doing.#and yet they still end up using the Wrong Words and being labeled a Pretentious Asshole just for talking differently than the norm.#maybe there really are people out there who deliberately use big words to try and sound smarter than everyone else. I don't know.#all I know is. in a world where its pretty obvious that people who use a discongruently complex vocabulary get made fun of for doing that.#why would someone deliberately trying to impress people do something that would only get them laughed at.#sorry for being genuine on main. as if its my fault </3
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selvepnea · 6 months
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Thinking about. That one post about art. And how it's never good enough. Since you're the one that made it. And how. It might relate to how I view myself?
#Sel talks#Like. Do I like the idea of a masculine body because I think it will make me less me?#I keep thinking about a line from “in stars and time” talking about. How maybe they changed because it was easier than learning to love#Himself as he was.#Keep thinking about something my therapist said last session. About how he would hope there's more restriction around accessing trans#Health-care than there is about getting a medical Marijuana card#And even if it comes from a place of good intent; is still a harmful idea?#I keep forgetting how much importance cis people put on transitioning. And it's just. Not? For me?#My body is just another form of expression for me to form and play with. And I feel like it might be hard to try and get someone who's#Not thought a lot about gender to understand.#I don't really want to lable it as “transitioning” either. My isat brainrot is wanting me to call it “Changing”; bit I'm not sure if that's#Quite accurate either. Like. We don't have a word for playing with different styles of clothes? Why do I need one for messing w other types#Of presentation?#Sigh...#I'm soooo tempted to just go on t and not do anything else. No name change. No sex change. And not tell anyone.#Why do I need to take into consideration how much my decision weighs on other people?#I feel like I've gotten too many reminders that “tomorrow's not promised” or “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives”#“Don't live wondering” or whatever that old lesbian slogan was. “We're all going to die so who cares if it's a waste”? Some will wood song#I'm listening to. I just.#Why am I waiting for the perfect opertunity to transition? Or change or whatever.#I've always considered my want to masculinise as me taking “be the change you want to see” either too far or too literally#I want to see men in dresses!! And if no one else around here is going to do it I guess that falls on me!#Why must I follow everyone else's path to t?? I want to make my own!#Grrr barkbark#I feel so underequiped to change the world; why must I do it?? Can't it just change for me??
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bunnihearted · 8 months
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🐇☁️🌷🐌
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moonchild-in-blue · 2 months
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I wanna ride a centaur.
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celibibratty · 9 months
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This wude ending is worse than i remembered, it's a kinda of weird ending, like, we die, then we awake up in a place that seems like a heaven, then we walk to the top of the mountain, the character looks happy, then they close their eyes and the screen gets black and we hear a deep breath, credit start rolling
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is this actually that uncommon? I don’t even unpack just the DAY I return from somewhere, but it’s literally the first thing I do. I do nothing else until I’m unpacked, I have everything organized back in it’s proper place in the house within an hour of getting home lol.. I thought this was typical??? What’s the cultural norm?
#same with groceries or anything else I;m bringing home from outside -  i put it away or d o soemthing with it immediately#I just don't like looming tasks in the background taking up my mental space like 'oh i still have to do that later' etc.#I can't relax until everything is taken care of. If i try to relax or rest when I just got home from a trip there's just always the nagging#sense that I'm going to have to get up and do something else LATER (put the stuff away) so why not just do it now#It's the whole principle of 'be more uncomfortable in the present in order to help yourself in the future'#Samme thing with covid like. Follow the social distancting tules and wear masks and do everything extremely dillignently NOW no matter how#annoying or inconvenient it is at the MOMENT because the future pay off will save you more discomfort later (more vairants coming out - long#er lockdowsn because of wider spread - you or your family getting sick - etc.)#I am ALWAYS willing to inconvenence myself and ''suffer'' temporarily in the present if it will help my future self or get me a larger#benefit down the line. etc. etc. But to me that just seems like.. literally the only rational thing to do#what's more important? my temporary emotional satisfaction or my long term wellbeing ? always the long term#it might feel good to just come home and flop onto the floor and shove the suitcases aside but is that like hour or so of rest worth#the annoyance later when you realize you've still got to put everyhting up and now you REALLY don't feel like it and etc. etc. ?#just save your future self the trouble and get it out of the way#But again I just thought it's like... everyone would also do that??? If not then when do you unpack? days later???#Kind of like how in childhood I still had a lot of issues (hadn't developed cognitive empathy really at all - no affective empathy - don't u#nderstand social cues well or people at all - etc.. which is a recipe for frustration when Living In A Society since people are always#doing things you don't understand and you struggle to communicate properly or be understood like everyone's just speaking a different langua#ge than you) and worse anger problems and there were a few times I would come home from shcool or something and just freak out and#knock my shelves in my room over and break things or etc - and it's like OKAY that feels fine in the moment but.. consider the aftermath!#now I have to spend like a whole fucking hour cleaning my room and putting everyhting back together and etc. etc. and it's like a negative#feeling on top of a negative feeling. not only am I still kind of mad but now I have EXTRA work to do when I just want to go to sleep#So in a more minor way it's the same thing like.. If I feel shitty from traveling I don't want to DOUBLE the shitty by having extra stuff to#do later and some task looming over my head. I want to get all the bad out of the way first so I can just have uninterrupted peace later lol#if that makes sense? idk lol#The one exception is once recently I had been somewhere and got legit heat exhaustion and was throwing up by the time I got home so#I didn't unpack everything then. But after cooling off and having pedilyte and stuff I still shakily unpacked before I went to bed lol
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