#and I need it done as soon as possible

[cannibalisticskittles]

grousing about my research paper when my sister came home, stressing about how i really need to be working on it and spending a lot of time on it and I'm anxious to get it done.

she asks me when it's due

october 18th, i say

i'll fucking kill you, she says

#YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THO #i NEED it to be done #and I need it done as soon as possible #I will not stop panicking until it's turned in #I think about it constantly #I can't turn off the worry #even though I have lots of time. and it even though my grade is high enough that even if I got a zero in this assignment #i would still fucking pass #it doesn't matter though. my brain says this is something I need to be panicking about. so I wake up feeling sick to my stomach #doesn't matter how many reminders I give myself. so! gotta focus on it till it's done

[cali]

darkraiiiiii

#art #i was brewing up a complicated picture in my head too many factors intermingling and i put a requirement on myself that i would need to #feel a certain mood to create said picture cuz only then would it feel good and true but it was an impossible to achieve mood #and it made me miserable for a week i went to bed as soon as possible everyday to skip to the next one but today i woke up at 2am #and thought well maybe i should just draw something simple that i like it doesnt have to be high concept #so its just darkrai!!!! cuz its such a cooly! and its made out of shapes ive enjoyed drawing recently #smoking fire plumelike stuff u kno... #and i got to try out the spraypaint thing again cuz there was stuff i realized i coulda done better after the red 3 head hybrid pic #so i wanted to do it again. do u like these- with the spraypaint rendering? i will make more of them no matter what u say #but im about to go to bed now. i started the pic at 11am and finished at 8pm so 9hrs spent?! well the stenciling takes a long while in pain #i did the spraying in ms paint again and then composited it in paint net like usually. #also im typing much because the combination of coffee (which i try to make special and rare for me so it hits more cutely) #+ the euphoria that drawing gives me makes me talkative. but now.- ! im tired !! goodnight #pokemon #darkrai

[mering]

even the dogs!

#lifesteal #lifesteal smp #vitalasy #planetlord #princezam #itzsubz_ #animation #animation done for stress relief purposes. somewhat successful. probably never getting more finished than this but if it does i'll just #post it again or something #i love animation so much it feels the most like a direct expression of emotion on my part out of any art form... and i'm finding that i #need to not plan animation out in advance as much as possible which is kind of true with all art and even writing because the fun part #is getting to realize the idea and as soon as the idea is recorded sufficiently i'm like Okay i'm done now #anyway i like season 4 vitalasy very much. the way his mind works puzzles and vexes me it's awesome

[icewindandboringhorror]

... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad. #Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.' #ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists. #take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol...... #ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

[forcedhesitation]

I MISSED THIS ENTIRELY MY FIRST TIME AROUND....THIS IS SO DAMN PRECIOUS?!!

#bg3 spoilers #thoughts about media #this is so sweet. corydalis would cherish this present to the end of his days. #so nice of mirkon to say we killed the harpies in one blow! #we did not. #I couldn't long rest and reset corydalis' empty spell slots because the scene was glitching and the kid would spawn dead. #so i had to forgo the long rest and just fight them. #and then astarion and karlach kept getting lured by the harpy song! #lae'zel was the only one getting anything done! #and she sure as fuck didn't even want to be there!! i brought her to try and boost her approval... #but it's like. stuck at 6 or something equally abysmal because I keep pissing her off by being too nice. #I didn't realise there was an interaction between her and a tiefling in the grove in my first playthrough...she hated me more after that. #GIRL I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE ZORRU BOW FOR YOU! #like corydalis is a tiefling himself! be real lae'zel! #being nice to zorru got us the information we needed anyways... #astarion for whatever reason didn't complain even though i'm pretty sure being too nice in this interaction is supposed to annoy him. #i'm literally LOOKING for interactions to gain his disapproval!!!!! #BECAUSE HIS APPROVAL WON'T GO DOWN!!!!!!!!! #please my dearest I would like to NOT trigger your first romance scene too soon. #honestly if i could romance him without suffering through that again I would be thrilled. but it is not possible. #REALISTICALLY corydalis wouldn't even fall for his lying. he's ten times better a liar than astarion could ever hope to be. #and he's also extremely kind and caring! there's noooo WAY he'd let astarion's evasiveness slide unmentioned. #BUT ALAS. the game only permits you to avoid this TORMENTUOUS experience if you are playing karlach. #goblin camp is next though. I'm SURE I can earn disapproval there with him. #he may be allergic to disagreeing with my tiefling but this is still act 1 astarion! he is a bitter HATER with no healthy outlet. #I just have to like. oh I don't know. offer to help some random npc and ask for nothing in return.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

"I'm not the killer that little girls call their hero"

#YELENAAAAAAAAAAA #ough I NEED to re-watch hawkeye. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE #florence pugh I'm going to fight you in a back alley for what you have done to me by playing yelena belova #Lu rambles #mcu #black widow #yelena belova #I'm trying to remember my own tags for all this stuff skfnskngd help #hawkeye

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

hnnngg i need to snuggle with Foul Legacy immediately,,, i need him to be a moth weighted blanket as i lay on the couch so i can feel so squished and comfortable and sleepy, listening to his purrs and feeling his claws knead the blanket as i finally get to rest

can you tell i worked too much today

#genshin impact #childe #tartaglia #foul legacy #foul legacy childe #me several hours ago: i can get all of this done today even though i really don't need to! #me now: hgngnhngg #i got it done! i did get it done #but now i feel like death #i need moth cuddles as soon as possible please #i want to lay somewhere and have him on top of me #moth. weighted. blanket #he gently mlems your cheek #makes sure you fall asleep first #good evening :)

[hella1975]

THIS IS SO EMBARASSING JUST KISS AND MAKE UP OR SOMETHING

#the ground beta fight has me feeling bad for BAKUGO of all people cant they just kill him off already i cant do this #'is it because you looked up to him more than i did? and if that's the case does it mean everything ive done to be like him is wrong?' STOP #THE OBSESSIVE RIVALRY IS GETTING EMOTIONAL PLEASE JUST KISS #yeah yeah the bully x victim trope is bad but i just think bkdk is the funniest possible outcome here #'bakugo told him to kill himself' bakugo was in middle school #he was like. ten. yeah he needs to apologise but thanks to INCESSANT TIKTOK SPIOLERS i know he does #im investing early idc #the good thing about mha is that the fandom is so big and insane that idc about making good nuanced takes #like every take has already been made both good and bad so im just here to say the funniest possible thing #i want to get cancelled by any mha fans as soon as possible so i can live my life in peace #my hero academia #hella watches anime #mha spoilers #i am NOT tagging this as bakudeku those guys scare me i ultimately am disappointed that this is what im leaning towards

[essektheylyss]

After stalling for a week your bitch is ALMOST back to being excessively ahead on classwork. Goddammit.

#REALLY what i need is to finish this one fucking programming assignment so i can move onto the later stuff #i mean i already moved onto the later readings cuz i needed it to do a thing i wanted in this assignment (by instructor suggestion) #but if i finish it then i can jump right to the next assignment which would be great. #I do also need to do 7 readings for a different class. it's fine. it's cool. that's pretty simple. #i can finish all of that tonight right #(to be clear this is a joke) #however i AM done with literally everything I'm possibly able to do for my copyright course which is very exciting #hoping to get to that point with my other courses soon. unfortunately for programming that means finishing the damn thing. #megs vs mlis

[coolxatu]

help getting cats their shots

so i need to get my cats shots updated by may or my building might say i cant keep my cats in the apartment, but its gonna be about $150 that i dont have at the moment. if anyone has a few bucks they could spare please send it to the paypal below, id really appreciate it

paypal.me/karlabrown1975

#things have been really tight lately but i really need to get this done as soon as possible #dont know how long the waiting list is for the vet and i need to make sure we have the money before we make the appointment #my mom is gonna be helping out but shes had some unexpected expenses lately cause her job fucked up her tax stuff or something #id appreciate some signal boosts also

[boxwinebaddie]

BLUE HAIR RAVENSTAN IM PTERODACTYL SCREECHING

*rm!clyde autism vc* erm, actually! its pterodactylus!~

but, no, fr. he is the moment, the movement!!!!

and everyone thinks it's because he's in his cool boy, cool blue, blue rad(s)berry, bad boy era, when in reality he's in his imy ky sad boi era.

like after they fought when the call girl news came out, which, tbh, i think ended with kyle about to call ravenstan 'stan' but then he stopped himself at the last second and yelled out, "no, fuck that! you don't Deserve to have his name! my stan would NEVER do this to me!

....fuck you, raven."

which...OOOOOOOOF. when stan and kyle know who each other are and don't call each other by their actual first names...its really bad. like actually, at the end of The Kyle Can't Say I Love You Fight where jersey is begging ravenstan to stay, stan gives him one last chance and is like "tell me you love me." and kyle is like "w-what?" and stan grabs kyle's hand, looks deep into his eyes, bearing his heart and is like "tell me you love me and i'll stay." n kyle tries and tries and tries

...but he Can't :(

so stan wipes his eyes, laughs a sad little laugh, drops kyle's hand, picks up his black jansport backpack and in The Voice just goes

"adios, jersey."

and SLAMS! the door behind him.

now, one of my favorite things about writing rm is a lot of stuff seems really cute and coy on the surface, but it's actually kind of insidious. or even that something as harmless/innocuous as a nickname might carry the weight of the world across a mere six letters. see, because when ravenstan called his kyle 'jersey' at the that first crimson dawn concert when he chose kyle as his victim, as we all now know, stan knew exactly who kyle was, but pretended not know, and what's more? stan gave kyle a cute little nickname...

jersey.

cute, light, bouncy. on the nose, where blush ran like red snow across that valley of freckles and melted our college student ice king into glassless puddle at the mere utterance of that word from raven's lips. not too much to think about there. seems like a simple thing, calling the boy you like a funny name, to tease him or make him feel special.

to everyone but stanley marsh in that moment, calling kyle jersey and continuing to call him jersey wasn't something he did to be cheeky, it was strategic...it was personal. because it was much easier for stanley marsh to call his precious long lost kyle broflovski jersey...

...than kyle.

it's probably not as obvious as i think it is when i'm writing it in, but if you look closely in rm, you might notice that ravenstan almost exclusively calls kyle jersey, except for a couple really tender moments, or by accident. bc he's not supposed to use kyle's name/

one, it's just too hard, because saying kyle's name invokes way too much raw emotion in him, like the raven voice drops, he starts doing the stan voice, his eyes get shiny, it's half a sob, half a prayer, there's an overwhelming urge to hold him...like it's too obvious. kyle can't say ily and stan is not supposed to say kyle's name.

so he created jersey as a buffer, a fail safe. he created the jersey nickname to create distance between himself and kyle, so that he could keep his head on his shoulders and not go off book.

which is not to say that later on they don't use raven/crow and jersey/yersey when they're being funny/feeling fond, but if kyle calls stan raven in the shrewd deadpan voice or raven calls kyle jersey in the aloof, cool boy raven voice....THEY ARE FIGHTING!!! which...ya.

anyways, speaking of ravenstan's blue hair ( the closest approximate of which i think is this picsart monstrosity i edited [ which idk who drew this but all the credit in the world to them like thats my son ], i also did a blonde one ) after the fight, i just know stan was spiraling super hard, a bottle of chase azul tequila and a bottle of blue arctic fox hair in the other, washing his face w/ his tears, scream singing to abba on vinyl ( jersey loves abba, stan gave him a lot of shit for it growin up, their first dance at sadie hawkins was also an abba song )

and just boarded the plane the very next day with blue ass hands and blue ass hair...also pls note that when stan made the seating arrangements, it was well before they had that fight, so stan put himself next to kyle ( and its a small private plane so the rows only have two seats, i think ) and its a mess like...Roll Clip!

jers: "what? wouldnt'ya ratha sit next to ya girlfirend? here, i'll mov-"

raven: "kyle, you've been mentally preparing yourself to sit in this particular seat for weeks. you begged me to show you the layout of the plane so you could practice. you're not moving. plus, she has a window seat and you hate the window seat. i made sure you were sitting in the aisle seat so you could get up, so you don't feel trapped."

jersey, trying not to be rizzed: "and yet here i am...Trapped. With. You."

jersey, scoffing: "wow. blue? really?"

raven: "thought you'd be pleased, considering it's your favorite color"

jersey: "not anymore."

ravenstan, being a little shit: "oh, yeah? what's it now. whatever it is, i'll change it. i brought color oops just in case." ;)

jersey, rolling his eyes: "y'know, i actually don't like any colors at the moment. hate 'em all! guess you'll have to shave ya head." <3

raven: "no worries. gq magazine says i have the bone structure for it."

aAAAAAASASASAAAAA!!!!! they are being so cunty like boys relax oh my goddddddd...speaking of being relaxed. kyle is not that. kyle does not like planes, reads the emergency card 100 times, makes them check all the systems like 100 times and is particularly frightened by taking off the runway/turbulence so he actually...grabs stans hand by accident, breathing really and stan just squeezes his palm reassuringly and strokes the arch of jersey's knuckles with his thumb before they break away and kyle pretends like it never happened.

stan also...falls asleep on kyle's shoulder for like 70% of the flight, like kyle is just doing something dorky like the sudoku puzzle or reading hemmingway and stan's beautiful freshly blue chai-scented head plops on kyle's shoulder, sleeping soundly. and i shit you not kyle is scared to move that entire flight, a baby looks like its gonna start crying and kyle gives it The Glare and it swallows that sound back up. he's fighting demons and the demons are wanting to gaze longingly at your sleepy ex-sbf and kiss him on the forehead aaaAAAAAAA.

but ya! i love you manic blue hair stan! my hero! my zero!

-uncle nina, dyed hair idiot boy stan agenda

#jersey lore #but like actual jersey lore about the jersey nickname #like it is cute its supposed to be cute #but it really is just stans coping mechanism #tfw u have to make up a flirty tarty whorey lil nickname for ur childhood best friend bc u cant say his actual name #bc u literally say it in the gayest voice possible like hes a spring and you havent had water in 100 years #and like you need him and want him and would do anything for him with ur voice and character breaking desperate for him #SO YEAH THATS WHY STAN CALLS KYLE JERSEY #BC CALLING KYLE BY HIS NAME IS TOO HARD FOR STAN #HE GETS REALLY EMOTIONAL BC ITS HIS FAVORITE WORD INT THE WORLD AND HE WANTS TO SAY IT ALL THE TIME #but its hard to say it when u are calling ur kyle Kyle and he is calling you raven like ur a stranger and AAAAAA #but also yeah their airplane interactions are so cunty but also cute bc they held hands and stan napped on him #me when the boys are being cute and perfect and in love: yawn #me when they boys are fighting and being cunty to each other & like 3 secs away from going at it on the next available surface: SLAY #i love tension and drama like I LOVE THE OO YOU WANT ME SO BAD its my favorite thing omg #ok done jazz hands idk what this is #one thing abt me is im gonna make the boys fight and then makeout really aggressively with eachother sorry abt it #IK THE CALL GIRL THING IS CONFUSING RN JUST HOLD YOUR HORSES OKAY ILL EXPLAIN IT SOON

[angelnumber27]

Last night I made a list of all the ways drinking has been negatively effecting me, my relationships, those around me, my body and mind, and my life as a whole recently.

There are 45 separate things listed on there so far

#it’s just .. idk how to go from a pint of vodka a night to nothing #if I try to taper or ween off I’ll just keep drinking too much #I can’t sleep without it anymore either even when I take like 300mg seroquel #literally need fuckin at least 8 drinks to even sleep anymore.. #if I do get to sleep it will be like an hour before my sleep is disrupted #I’m fed up #and I don’t want to do this to myself anymore #but it’s so much easier said than done #I know if I continue on this path my body and mind will both continue to be damaged #and I know that if I don’t do something very soon I could end up drinking like this or worse for the rest of my life. #I want and deserve better than that #there is so much more to life than this #and I intend to experience as much of it as possible. without needing a substance to get through the day #ah #I don’t want to be like this anymore #but I really fear it’s too late to change or turn back #sorry lol a lot on my mind

[pixelatedraindrops]

So I made sick comfort doodles of the two most popular gay/queer ships in RainCode. (kokobolt and viviakou)

I may need to possibly draw clockmare next time…

I think thats the third one? (plus thats all the nda)

But who would be the sick one? Maybe Halara since they canonically have allergies? Or Fubuki due to the fatigue of her forte?

Hmm… 🤔

#pixel txt. #pixelpolls #rain code #halara nightmare #fubuki clockford #clockmare #kokobolt #viviakou #master detective archives: rain code #this is tricky because halara would probably not be the best caretaker… #but both candidates are possible for being ill due to their in-canon facts #so I cannot really decide… #also this will be done EVENTUALLY not anytime too soon #whenever I draw something recently I usually need a break afterward #otherwise my art comes out terrible x-x

[tsukasageorge]

Day #12: Self portrait

I've been doing a LOT of self-reflection recently; mostly about me as an artist, but also me as a person, looking into the future. So I decided instead of self portrait, I'd do a 'self reflection', and paint myself as a person, rather than a face, if that makes sense. Due to a couple different circumstances I wanted to get it out of the way as soon as possible, so it's more of a concept than a real piece, but idk I think it fits the message I wanted to send and that's enough for me.

#raey draws #xchallenge #if you're curious the circumstances are #me spending all of my time on a different piece that's almost done and wanting to finish it as soon as possible #me wanting said piece to be higher up on my blog because i really like how it's turning out and don't want all this clutter in the way #yes i will be combining most of the days into a single masterpost to minimize the amount of posts you need to scroll through but still #also i just didn't really like the prompt even after i changed it bc i didn't know where to go with the piece #last thing; i forgot to time this one but it took like. 10 mins tops

[phoradendron]

Some results of my earlier adventures with natural dyes. These are dyed with blue elderberry; I had read how red and black elderberry are not very light- or colorfast, but I dyed these two or three months ago and they are doing well! Could be chance, but maybe blue elderberry is more colorfast?

I want to try changing the PH in the future for more colors. These are alum mordanted wool embroidery thread, one is undyed the other is white. In the first photo, the fibers that were originally white are on the top, undyed on the bottom, and the one weirdo off to the side was white and went in late when I decided there was more room in the jar.

No heat added to the dye bath to keep the colors brighter. I prepared it by crushing the berries, adding just enough water to cover the plant matter, leaving them overnight, crushing again and straining out the plant matter, then left the mordanted fibers in for three days; very simple. Washed thoroughly, dried in the window lol.

The white fibers became a sort of soft raspberry color, the undyed became a sort of rose gold. The weirdo is a sort of Pepto Bismal color? To be poetic

#gonna use these in an embroidery project as a gift #was originally going to be a pansy as an homage to the Pansy Project #considering a watermelon now #changing the ph as I am thinking of it sould being more blue out for a purple #maybe even a pale lilac??? possibly #i really want to work with an iron mordant though #I’ve done a sage dye too #will be doing a yellow onion skin dye and i should do that soon since I want to let it fade to the more permanent yellow before I use #i did get some indigo……….. #i am scared of it #it will be beautiful but is it good enough for a dye i BOUGHT? #the foraged ones are not as scary #except the lichen dye baths I have preparing because that’s months of waiting #i have several jars of lichen in an ammonia solution sitting around in my apartment like i think that is not a good idea #However i will not stop i just want to get some shelves to put them away on and THEN they can be AESTHETIC SPECIMINS #and not Danger Fluids I have to let breathe every few days so it can form MAYBE a fun color if I am lucky #Oh i need to let my lichen breathe when I get home from work #wait not a solution that isn’t the word #my masters isnt in chemistry so #natural dye #fibers

[miodiodavinci]

undergoing self-immolation from stress

#left dnd feeling kind of shitty and overall upset at myself for screwing up my character in the first session #anniversary artwork is taking forever to finish but i needed it to be done Tonight™ to make it in time for tuesday #which normally i'd say ugh whatever i'll just get it up by the 25th #but the stress of trying to get it done quickly has just made me sick of it #to the point that i want to be rid of it as quickly as possible #stressed about document renewal deadlines #stressed about car repairs i haven't even been able to think about because i'm acting as a chauffeur 9 days out of the week #stressed about needing to buy clothes for my internship soon (expensive and dysphoria abound surely) #stressed about needing to petition for my degree #stressed about poorly scheduled doctor's appointments tomorrow where they'll probably tell me my health is still garbage #and that they didn't order the right blood panel so i'll need to be stabbed another four times #ug hg ; ; ; ; #i feel like crying honestly ; ; ; ; #and all this isn't even counting voicebank things or other vocal synth work ; ; ; #how do i keep ending up here ; ; ; ; ; ;