#my mom is gonna be helping out but shes had some unexpected expenses lately cause her job fucked up her tax stuff or something

[coolxatu]

help getting cats their shots

so i need to get my cats shots updated by may or my building might say i cant keep my cats in the apartment, but its gonna be about $150 that i dont have at the moment. if anyone has a few bucks they could spare please send it to the paypal below, id really appreciate it

paypal.me/karlabrown1975

#things have been really tight lately but i really need to get this done as soon as possible #dont know how long the waiting list is for the vet and i need to make sure we have the money before we make the appointment #my mom is gonna be helping out but shes had some unexpected expenses lately cause her job fucked up her tax stuff or something #id appreciate some signal boosts also

[josephmozzerellaswife-blog]

Expecting the Unexpected Part 3

Sorry this chapter took so long, it is way longer than the others and I have been super busy so I could only write for a few hours a night.

Warnings: angst, tons of fluff, JOKES FINALLY, childhood illness/ treatment, vomit

Word Count: 5.2K

Summary: When Joe gets back from his recent business trip he notices something is up with your new little one. Can an urgent ER trip can change your lives for good?

*3 weeks later*

The sound of your pounding alarm could be heard all throughout the apartment. Your phone lit up and read 5:30 AM Treatment Day. It took you and Joe almost no thought that treatment was Scarlet’s best option and his mom helped you both decide the best course of treatment to take. The price didn’t matter to either of you one bit, nothing was worth more than your precious little girl, who by the way, was still sound asleep down the hall. Her first treatment was scheduled to be in Los Angeles because of the Oscars and Joe didn’t want to miss her first appointment. Joe reached over your exhausted body, tapping the snooze button on your screen.

“Five more minutes pleeeease.” he muffled, head face down into his pillow.

Mornings like these were some of your favorite, most intimate times with Joe. You sat up from the cozy spot you once laid, eyes stuck on Joe’s body. You were wearing one of his Yellowstone t-shirt’s that you had stolen from the laundry almost every week, it might as well be your shirt by now because he has like five. You couldn’t help but roll on top of him like a sack of potatoes, attempting to wake him up and make him laugh all in one.

“What on earth are you doing?” he giggled, trying to hold it in but couldn’t resist.

“Well what do you think i’m doing?”

“Mhhh... turning me on?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. Over the past 7 years of your relationship and 5 years of marriage he still managed to give you butterflies. He rolled you over to his side, keeping ahold of your waist in his hands.

“Maybe.” you teased, his smile only growing larger by the minute.

He grazed your thigh as he pulled his hand up to your lower back, the other hand upon your cheek.

“Well why don’t you just kiss me already.”

You both fell into the most passionate kiss. One after another, melting into his touch, your lips never parting from his.

“You know I don’t HAVE to go to the Oscars tonight..” he said.

“Joe, you and I both know that isn’t true.”

“Well I can make it true, tell the boys that something came up.”

“You still haven’t told them have you. It’s been 3 weeks Joe.”

“I know love but I just don’t know how to tell them, it’s hard.”

You totally understood how he felt. It took you almost a week before you could tell your parents, afraid they would think you were a failed parent, letting this happen to your child. But in fact, it was the complete opposite. They were nothing but supportive, even offered to help cover the expenses although they knew it wasn’t necessary.

“Joe you’re going. This isn’t a discussion. It’s Scarlet’s first time watching the Oscars, don’t you think her daddy should be the one she is looking at on the big screen.” You tried to persuade him back into his original plan.

It wouldn’t be the first time she got to see her daddy on the big screen, well she probably won’t remember it but you went into labor the night before Bohemian Rhapsody’s big premiere at Wembley. As much as Joe didn’t want to leave your side, it was in his contract that he attend the premiere. So even though Scarlet hadn’t even been a day old yet, Joe wanted to make sure you got to see your husband on the big screen of a stadium, so he facetimed you, through the WHOLE movie, commentating with his own silly jokes when Ben or Gwil would appear on your screen.

Just before your lips part, you could hear Scarlet from the monitor resting on your side table.

“I’ll get her. After all I won’t be around much today now. I have to get ready before noon so I won’t get to stay for her whole appointment.” he pleaded with a saddened look on his delicate face, brows furrowed.

“Babe it’s ok, I will still be there and you will be there all but an hour. You don’t need to worry.”

“I know but darling it’s her first treatment and I don’t want her to think I don’t love her.”

“Joe are you serious right now? First of all she’s only 4 months old, secondly there is no way on earth she would ever think you didn’t love her. You give her and I the world Joey.” you comforted him, his doubts only crushed your heart. Why would he ever think these things?

You could hear the rustling from down the hall. Joe probably decided to just get her ready seeing as you both snoozed the alarm for almost 20 minutes. When he came back Scarlet was in the cutest outfit EVER. He had dressed her in one of her pale pink onesies with the most adorable lacy details on the back and a small pink hair bow to top it all off. He had brushed her beautiful auburn hair, just like his, to create the cutest curls off to the sides. Sometimes you felt like Joe had better taste in baby fashion than you, well beside the dinosaur costume he bought her for halloween later this year.

“Hi sweetie, daddy did a good job dressing you today didn’t he?” you smiled.

“Just today?” he giggled.

“Really Joey?”

“Hey i’m just saying.”

At that point you couldn’t help but laugh. Anything to lighten the mood was helpful in taking your mind off of the hours to come. While Joe took care of the rest of the baby stuff, you quickly threw on a floral cream cami dress and ran downstairs to get breakfast started. The stove top read 6:30 and only caused you to rush even more. Eggs were your last minute decision because you needed to leave the house by 6:50 to make it to the treatment center on time. As you poured in the raw egg whites into the scolding hot pan, you felt the familiar hands of your husband slowly grasp your waist, spinning you into his arms.

“You look absolutely stunning my love.”

“Joey I do not-“

Before you could even finish your sentence, his lips were pressing onto yours once again, the passion still thriving between you. It was almost as Scarlet’s diagnosis made you both realize how much the little things meant, although your love for Joe grew more and more everyday, giving you a new reason to fall madly in love with him all over again. A burning scent spread through the air, you turned only to see that the eggs you were so frantically cooking were now burnt.

“Crap I totally forgot that they were still on the stove.” you whined.

Joe quickly pulled you close to him again.

“It’s ok love don’t stress, we can just get something later.”

“I’m sorry Joe.”

“Babe it’s just eggs, i’m not mad.” he pleaded. He hated seeing you sad like this. He couldn’t tell if it was from the stress about Scarlet’s first treatment or just your anxiety taking control again.

“We should get going love, it’s already 6:55.”

By the time you gathered all the things you needed and Joe got Scarlet all buckled into her car seat, it’s was already 7:05. You hated being late, especially for something like this. What if just these few minutes affected the way the treatment worked for Scarlet? All this time was more precious than ever.

Joe could see the worry in your eyes as he pulled out of the driveway and past the front entry. Before he pulled onto the highway, he swiftly pulled out his phone and put on the playlist he made for you when he knew you were feeling anxious. The first song to play was something that would definitely lift your spirts and you both could rock out to for the whole six minutes, Bohemian Rhapsody. Fitting, seeing as the very replica of John Deacon was sitting just to your left. All doubts and worries quickly fled from your mind as you turned to look at Joe.

“You know exactly what I need just when I need it don’t you Mazzello?”

“That’s my job isn’t it?” he joked, causing you both to let out the loudest of laughs.

The famous Brian May’s Red Special rift flooded throughout your car and not long after were each of the Scaramouch, Galileos and Bismillahs. Just after that is when you looked to you husband only to see him head banging like no other with the biggest smile on his face.

Nothing really matters to me.

Any way the wind blows.

“Man, Roger can really hit that gong can’t he?” Joe laughed.

“Sure can Mr. Deacon, bass wasn’t too bad either.”

He gazed at you with his loving eyes, absorbing everything about you.

“If you say so Mrs. Mazzello.” he said, grinning from ear to ear.

The rest of the drive consisted of all yours and Joe’s favorite music and some of Scarlet’s too, after all she did have a great taste in music for a four month old.

Joe signed in for you while you ran to the restroom with Scarlet to quickly change her.

“You are gonna do so good today sweetie. You are such a brave little girl.” you expressed, your eyes never parting from your little girl’s.

You knew today was going to be hard for all of you, especially with Joe having to leave a little early but his mom offered to come and wait with you while he was gone. When you walked back into the waiting room Joe could tell that you were back into that anxious state again, but he could blame you. He was just as scared as you were.

“She’s gonna do great love don’t worry. She’s a Mazzello and Mazzello’s are tough.” he tried to reassure you.

You glanced at him, your eyes becoming glassy.

“I’m just so scared. I know that she is getting the best treatments possible but I feel so helpless not being able to help her.” you sobbed, tears now slowly running down your cheeks.

“We are gonna get through this love. All of us.” His words always comforted you, like a warm blanket of reassurance.

When the nurse finally called your names, the walk down the hall seemed forever, passing by each new chart or poster. She guided you all into a private treatment room where you would be spending the next few hours. It was painted in many fluorescent colors with butterflies and flowers running across the borders. She quickly asked Joe if he would sit on the bed with her while she got started. Scarlet never seemed scared, she always enjoyed being around people and loved the attention, but once the nurse cleaned her a with the cold rubbing alcohol, it was over. Scarlet just looked up into her daddy’s eyes with the saddest of looks on her face, tears quickly forming. Joe tried to keep her distracted while holding her arm straight for the nurse to place the needle carefully and quickly so your little one wouldn’t move. The needle didn’t seem to bother her much surprisingly, but it was soon after when the nurse started administering the treatment that made her cry, tears swiftly streaming down her face. It killed you and Joe, every inch of your hearts aching at the sight of your sad little girl, her pain clearly painted across her face. It took everything in you not to get upset but Joe had already started silently crying, no emotion from his face but tears falling from his cheeks. He held her so close to him, hoping her pain would soon suffice as she adapted to it. Joe gazed at you with sorrow in his eyes. You sat down next to him, gripping his hand as your placed your other against Scarlet’s little cheek, lightly kissing her forehead. She gave a small smile, knowing that you both loved her so much.

About two hours into her treatment, Joe was contacted by his stylist that he would need to come in. He hesitantly passed your now sleeping daughter off to you, hating that he had to leave you both. His mother had just walked in the door as Joe was gather his things.

“Hi mom, I was just about to leave.” he said with a sad frown across his face.

“Oh don’t worry dear, I’ll be here to keep them company. They will be fine.” she reassured him.

“I know, I just hate leaving them. They are my whole world you know.”

“I do Joey, that’s exactly how your father and I were. That’s how you know you both can last forever.”

His frown soon turned to a smile at his mother’s comforting words.

“Well I better get going, can’t be late for a fitting like this. Can you believe it, i’m actually going to the Oscars.”

You gazed at him with such a passion. Not only were you proud of your husband, but you knew so many other people were too. His family. His friends. His fans. He was finally getting what he deserved after all these years of hard work.

He walked over to you and placed a kiss upon your baby’s head, rubbing her back as he did. Then looked to you and you could feel yourself melting into his touch, a kiss filled with so much love, and then another. Just as he was about to walk out the door he turned around and whispered,

“How did I get so lucky to have such strong women in my life?”.

The rest of Scarlet’s treatment wasn’t as bad, she slept for most of it which worried you, always watching the steady rise and fall of her chest to assure she was breathing. Joe’s mom could see the paranoia right through you.

“Sweetie you do know that you’re allowed to rest too right? You’ve been watching her like a hawk for almost three hours.”

“I just hate seeing her like this. I hate not being able to help her. She looks so lifeless.”

“She just fine dear, the medication is supposed to make her tired. That means it’s working in her system.”

Her words of comfort only helped so much but your motherly instinct still couldn’t pull you from your state. You could feel your phone start to vibrate in your back pocket which gave you an instant feeling of comfort.

Hi sweet, I’m on my way back to the hospital, i’ll be there in 10. Love you.

No matter what was going on he always managed to put a smile on your face.

As you cuddled up to your little one, still sound asleep, you hear a faint knock at the door. In comes your husband, all dressed in his Oscar outfit, the sparkle from his suit matching perfectly with his eyes. Your gaze never left his sexy body as he shuffled closer to you.

“Hi love, how’s she doing.”

“She holding in there, mostly sleeping the whole time. Also how can you just casually walk in here without warning me that my hot ass husband was already Oscar ready.” you both giggled.

“I wanted to surprise you. Seems like I did my job well.”

“Indeed you did Mr. Mazzello.”

“Anything for you Mrs. Mazzello.”

You could hear Joe’s mother laughing from the corner of the room. Soon everyone was laughing, but still trying to be quiet from waking the baby. You slowly passed Scarlet off to Joe so he could spend time with her before he dropped us off at the house after her treatment. You loved the way he would look at her, he looked at you the same way. His passionate eyes following your ever move as if it was his last time he would ever see you again.

When the nurse came in to remove the IV, Scarlet had been asleep for almost the full 4 hours, which caused you to worry.

“If you don’t mind me asking, is it normal for her to have been sleeping this much?” you worried.

“Yes, it’s completely normal. The medication is different for everyone but can cause drowsiness from the fighting of toxins.”

Her words eased your anxiety. As long as everything was normal, you could worry a little bit less.

The nurse quickly removed the needle and took a quick exam before we were free to leave. She said that Scarlet would probably sleep for a little while after and some side effects might kick in within the next 5-6 hours. Joe found comfort when he was with you, your perfect little mix of the both of you resting in his arms. He was quick to wrap his arm around your waist, your hand soon to cover his while leaning against him.

The drive to the aparment was quiet. Joe glanced over to find you sound asleep, your head resting against the window. His mother told him how you never left Scarlet’s side which made him worry for you. He didn’t need you getting sick from trying to help your daughter, but he knew you couldn’t help it. Mother’s instinct.

Just as he pulled into the driveway, a familiar buzz went off in the cup holder. It was Ben letting Joe know that they would be there to pick him up in an hour. He gently rubbed your thigh, trying his best to wake you. Your eyes felt heavy as you glanced at your adorably hot husband, his suit still shimmering from the sunlight.

“We’re home love.” he spoke softly.

He helped you out of your side and ran around the car to unbuckle Scarlet from her car seat. Your legs had been wobbly from how tired you still were and Joe was quick to hold your arm as he helped you both inside.

He refused to let you help him as he got everything ready for Scarlet that she might need for the rest of the day, bottles, medication, blankets, he even threw in a load of laundry. He always made sure that you both were taken care of before he left, even if it was just for the rest of the night.

As you lied on the couch, Scarlet sleeping peacefully in one arm and you lying back to be wrapped in Joe’s, you almost felt like you would fall asleep again. His warm body always felt like home, like a safe place where everything was ok. It was only until his phone buzzed that you knew this warm, fuzzy feeling would end.

“The guys are here love.” he said, gently kissing the top of your head as he rubs your arms. You didn’t want this moment to end, you didn’t want him to go again.

“I wish you could stay but I know you are gonna kill it out there babe. Go show those actors that sparkle.” you spoke passionately about him, like you always do. A smile quickly formed on his face just before he placed a tender kiss to your lips, a feeling that you never wanted to part.

You walked out with him to the car, Scarlet lying snug in your arms while Joe had one arm around your waist, gently rubbing your side.

“No Oscars for you two tonight?” Gwil said with a puzzled look to his face.

“Nope not tonight, this little one has been a bit uh- tired lately.” you hesitated, remembering that Joe had yet to tell them.

“It’s a shame really. I’m sure you would have looked incredible.” Ben quickly flirted.

“Are you hitting on my wife again Hardy? Don’t make me go get Cardy B because he can be my plus 1.” Joe was fast to snap back, laughter soon filling the air.

“What can I say. You did good Joe.”

“I know. How did I ever get so lucky?”

He cupped your cheek as he placed another kiss between the two of you, and another soon after causing you both to fall deeper into each other.

“Uhh don’t mean to interrupt but we do have an award show to attend.” Ben blurted.

“Oh shut up you weasel. Let them have their moment.” Gwil shoved Ben from the front seat.

Joe placed a quick kiss against Scarlet’s head, and your lips once more before jumping into the backseat.

“I love you Y/N.”

“We love you to Joey. We’ll be watching all night.”

You watched them drive off until their car soon became just a small speck before walking back inside. Joe had set up a travel crib in the living room for you to be able to see Scarlet while watching the Oscars. He knew you would worry about her so he ensured that she would be close to you all night.

Just before the red carpet was about to start Scarlet had finally woke up from her nap and you both began to watch all the amazing outfits of the night. Scarlet didn’t quite understand but you kept your eyes peeled for that sparkling husband of yours. You did however spot Lucy and Rami walking the carpet and noticed something so touching to your heart. They were both sporting tiny gold ribbons pinned to the designer outfits in support of childhood cancer. It didn’t take long for the tears to fall from your cheeks. Looking down at your child, she was absolutely adorable as usual, so in love with all the colors on the television, and decided to take a quick snap for instagram considering you and Joe have been so private lately.

You soon spotted Joe with all his cast mates as they strolled up to the next interviewer.

“So Joe are you the spokesman of the group?”

“Umm no I think we’re all pretty good at this.” he giggled in reply.

He seemed back to his normal self once he hit the carpet and that made you feel so much better. You both had been having a really rough time with all of this.

“So Joe any news we should know about? The hospital photos for example?”

You could see the hesitation in his eyes. You didn’t want the whole world to know, especially before the boys.

“That was just a normal check up. Scarlet’s pediatrician is based out of that children’s hospital.”

The boys looked a little confused noticing the hesitation from Joe. It was quite unusual for him especially during events like this because he was a natural during interviews. They knew something was up. That was the last you saw of them.

“Joe what was that back there?” Gwil asked.

“I can’t talk about this here.”

“Talk about what Joe?” Ben chimes in.

Joe felt the vibration of his phone in pocket. It was a text from you.

Joe it’s the baby. She won’t stop throwing up and I don’t know what to do. I didn’t want to bother you with this but I can’t get ahold of anyone. I can’t get her to stop what should I do!!

A rush of panic flooded his body. He quickly grabbed both the boys arms and dragged them into an empty room in the building.

“Listen, Scarlet she- she has cancer. That’s why we went to the hospital. That’s why she has been so tired. That’s why Y/N couldn’t come with me tonight. It’s why i’ve been so distant and I’m sorry for that. I just didn’t know how to tell you guys and-” he was quickly cut off by Ben.

“Joe i’m so sorry mate. Is there anything we can do.”

“Yeah Joe you guys don’t have to go through this alone.” Gwil continued.

You could tell the news was heartbreaking for Ben and Gwil. They both loved every bit of your little one.

“It’s been really rough guys. Today was her first treatment and I couldn’t even be there the whole time to support my girls because of all this Oscar prep and now Y/N just texted me telling me that Scarlet can’t stop throwing up and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help them.” Joe was sobbing at this point. His heart breaking into a million pieces as he finished his last sentence.

“Joe you should go be with them. This isn’t as important as them even if it’s the Oscars. I know being here is killing you, we could tell all night.” Gwil convinced Joe.

“Yeah Joe, we hate to see you go but family is more important and we understand. Bri and Rog would understand. We are all here for you buddy.” Ben pleaded.

Joe didn’t think twice before wrapping them both in a tight, well-needed hug and running of to catch a car back to your apartment.

“Good luck guys! Don’t party to hard without me ok? We’ve got this!”

“Love you Joe. Kisses to the baby and Y/N for us!” Gwil yelled.

Paparazzi must have caught you running off the property in a hurry because it didn’t take long for a story to come out.

“Joe Mazzello seen running out of the Oscars in a panic. Another hospital visit ahead?”

You got the notification as soon as it hit the press. Thousands of messages poured into your dms all worried about you and Scarlet. You had finally gotten Scarlet to stop vomiting and gave her a quick bath to help sooth her discomfort. Her poor eyes still red and puffy from all the previous events. You didn’t even bother cleaning yourself up, all you cared about was Scarlet and making sure she was ok. You could hear the Oscars playing in the background, hoping Joe was still there enjoying all the winners. You soon collapsed into the couch before feeding Scarlet a bottle so she would fall asleep easier. After she finished and had dozed off, you felt yourself soon follow.

Joe frantically opened the door to find his two girls sleeping sound on the couch. He smiled in relief as he shuffled over to scoop Scarlet from your arms, careful not to wake you. Just before he went to put Scarlet down in her crib, he draped your body with your favorite blanket and placed a light kiss on your forehead, slightly waking you from your sleep. When he came back, he found you lying on the couch covered in baby vomit and clearly exhausted.

“Hi love, I came back as soon as I could.” he whispered.

“Joey you didn’t need too. I just didn’t know what else to do, I’m so sorry.” you wept groggily in his arms, tears sinking into his suit.

“Love it’s ok. You both are so much more important to me than some silly award show.” he tried to reassure you.

“Come on lets go jump in the shower and get you cleaned up.” he quickly guided you down the hall and helped you undress as you held his body close.

“Join me? I need the company.”

“How could I refuse?”

You both climbed into the shower, the warm water quickly running down your back. Joe insisted he help you wash your hair, his gentle touch massaging your scalp with both the shampoo and then conditioner. Your kisses consistent with every move. The passion you two shared never failed to shine. Your love growing stronger with each and every moment you spend together. The warm water pulling you both closer, almost inseparable.

He grabbed you a towel and wrapped it around your body, kissing your shoulders then up your neck to your lips as you guided his hands to yours. It didn’t take long for you to throw on one of his old hoodies, which he didn’t mind. He loved seeing you in his clothes, seeing the comfort they brought you, making you feel closer to him. When you ended up in the living room again, the Oscars were still playing and you decided to finish watching them with Joe. Your back leaning into his arms with your knees tucked close to your chest. His hand sliding up and down your arm while the other remain across your waist. The final award of the night was up, best actor.

“He’s gonna win I know it.” you said to Joe, he just smiled at you, amazed at your every move.

“And the Oscar for Best Male Actor in a Drama film goes to... Rami Malek in Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Brian’s guitar solo surrounded the entire room as Joe looked to you.

“He did it. I always knew he would do it.”

You loved the friendship they shared. The support they both gave one another.

Joe held you tight as he kissed your lips. The both of you having your own little celebration of kisses. He quickly ran to put We Are the Champions on the record player and lifted you off your feet. His hands wrapped around your waist as he guided you into a slow dance, your head swift to lie on his shoulder. A sudden familiar buzz hit the side table once more. It was Brian.

“Dearest Joe and Y/N, Rog and I have just heard the news. We can’t image the pain you both must be going through during this time. If you need anything don’t be afraid to give us a quick phone. I believe that your little one will beat this bully of a disease. She is a strong one after all, she gets it from her mommy. Lots of love to you all. XX -Bri.”

Joe read the message aloud to you. You both fell into a moment of sadness again. Tears not yet showing from your faces. Brian’s words were comforting to the both of you though. His soul almost connecting with yours. Maybe that was his intention, after all he was the legendary Dr. Brian May. He could do just about anything.

Joe could feel you begin to fall asleep in his arms. His eyes locked onto you. He delicately picked you up bridal style and guided you into the bedroom. He slowly placed you under the covers and set a quick kiss on your forehead before he went to brush his teeth. When he came back you were all snuggled into the comforter before he soon came to cuddle with you. His arm became encased around yours, his lips placing light kisses across your shoulders.

“I love you Y/N. I love you with everything in me.” he whispered, not knowing you were still slightly awake.

“I love you too Joe. More than you could ever know.” you whispered back.

For a day filled with many emotions, this was the moment you had been waiting for all day. To be loved by your husband, your child sleeping soundly down the hall, and all you could ever want lying right there next to you, holding you close and never letting go.

Taglist:

@onehystericalqueeen @queens-n-roses @soberandfurious @sevenseasofky @toger-raylor @sincereleygmg @mrsmazzello @myfreakydeaky @readdyyfreddie @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank @misterbrianmay @heartsarecompatible @ixchel-9275 @benmeadowstaylor @slutfordeacy-mazello @winnielinleigh @everybodyplaythegame @radioxtaylor @deakyspuff @okiegirl24 @imagines-xxx @classypaintercolorcowboy @super-heros-are-my-life

I hope you all enjoyed Part 3! I put so much into this chapter.

Also it might be a week or so before the next chapter because I am very busy right now!!

Send in Request for more stories!!!

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagines #ben hardy x reader #gwilym lee #gwilym lee fanfic #gwilym lee x reader #joe mazzello #joe mazzello fanfiction #joe mazzello fluff #joe mazzello imagine

[diabolik-lovers-box]

life update

short story: busy, as always. sorry for not being around to post. I’m gonna try to be more active. Hope you are all having good days/nights. :)

long story: hey, everyone. So, recently, there was an unexpected death in my family. My family is pretty big, so I wasn’t personally close to the person we lost, but I really had to take some time off to be there for my mother and grandmother. There’s no need to really worry, I’m okay and my family is okay, it’s just, hard times, you know?

In addition, I’ve had to manage a bit of a difficult situation in my personal life. I’ve run into some money difficulties and have to get a few jobs to help myself and my mom out. The place she lives at is making the rent more expensive so I really want to try and help her out until she get adjusted to the new pricing of her home. That being said, since I decided to get a job, I decided to put a hold on my schooling, which means that I need to figure out a new living situation myself. Again, I’ll manage so there’s nothing to worry about :)

Finally, the other family situations that caused some inactivity on this blog earlier haven’t completely settled down yet so I’m trying to work on and manage my own emotions when it comes to that too. sigh

Okay, now that that’s all said and out of the way, I’m really excited to get back on this blog-- I feel like I’ve said that too often lately ^^; ! But I’ve worked on managing my time better so that I have at least 30-60 minutes to work on this blog everyday ^^ That being said, I can’t promise posting will go back to the structured way it once was, we all know I’ve been failing at that lately ^^; but I hope you all will forgive me for that. I’m trying my best! ^^ Well, if you managed to read all of that, thank you so much. I hope I can write somethings to make you all happy soon. Haha, it’s been so long since I was on this blog that I feel like I need a refresher on all things DL, haha.

I hope you’re all having a good morning/day/afternoon/evening/night, and, as always, lots of love, Lyn :)

[rocketpowerreg]

winter’s coming, soon after summer → rc cola

TAGGING → @rocketpowerreg​ @nicoladerocha​ TIME → Saturday, 9/7 Mid-afternoon LOCATION → Reagan’s floral shop NOTES → The one where Nicola and Reggie try to be civil with each other only for Nicola to accidentally reveal to Reggie that her closeted ex from North Carolina was a homophobic, cheating bully  AUTHOR’S NOTES → Remember when Nicola yelled at Reggie last summer? This is worse and she wasn’t even trying to hurt Reggie this time 

REGGIE CLIFFTON

"Mom, I'm good. Really. Promise-- don't worry about me." Reggie muttered into her phone, walking the streets of New York City with a skateboard under arm rather than under her feet, "Yeah, yeah, I know you still will, but don't. Love you, too." And with that, the call ended. While Reggie had had a rough couple of days in her head, she had thought going out and wandering the streets would help. It hadn’t , so the conversation had been a welcome distraction as Reggie aimlessly wandered sidewalk to sidewalk. Though now that she was off the phone, she was taking in the surroundings and recognizing she was by Raegan's flower shop. Rather than just go home she decided it was better to find another distraction. Her first instinct was to go to the shop and see if Rae needed an extra set of hands. But then she remembered the cook book they had talked about Raegan mentioned her shop sold and figured now was as good a time as any to thumb through it. Cooking had become a bigger escape for Reggie as of late. While she couldn't get herself past the mental blockade to get herself to be as physically active as before, at least her culinary skills were getting honed in on. With the anniversary of her injury recently passing, Reg was trying to have her mind be focused on doing something nice for her old soccer team rather than think about the day that completely ended her soccer career. That also had to be a good sign... right? 

"Hey, anybody home? Paying customer coming in, so if you're fucking in the back it's time to come out." Reggie announced, expecting to see the usual suspect of Raegan behind the counter, and potentially Matt coming from under it.

NICOLA DE ROCHA

While working in Reagan’s flower shop wasn’t exactly the job Nicola envisioned herself having post grad, she was so incredibly thankful for it.  April offered her a spot behind the counter at ACup, but Nicola didn’t dare tell her even the espresso machine looked intimidating.  Sure, she wasn’t exactly built for customer service, but she really shone when she was free to arrange the flowers.  What could she say?  Aesthetics were her thing.

As soon as she heard another voice never the shop, Nicola dropped her phone, as if she wasn’t just scrolling through Instagram and made herself look busy.  Her brows knit together as it was Reggie who entered the shop instead of Reagan, “Ew, don’t be vile, Cliffton... the rumored ‘brothel’ is the next block over,” Nicola teased as she occupied herself cutting ribbon like she was supposed to be doing in the first place.

“What are you doing he— “What brings you in today?”  She asked giving herself a major pat on the back for those seamless customer service skills.

REGGIE CLIFFTON

The moment there was a note for Reggie to be less... well, herself, she knew she wasn't running into the redhead she was thinking would be there. Instead, it was the brunette with a bite and a constant thorn in her side Nicola De Rocha. While unexpected, the amused smirk on her face showed it wasn't unwelcomed to see her. Especially in a rubber apron and with dirt potentially under her nails. It was satisfying, albeit, strange, "Nice save, De Rocha," Reggie teased, approaching the counter and turning on her heel to rest her back against it, "if I hadn't grown up knowing what neighborhood you lived in, I might have just figure this was your first job, not your first time living upon the working class." While Reggie didn't know all the details of what happened, she had come by Raegan's shop enough to of known the financial situation of Nicola had changed. Reggie wasn't the type to judge things like that, especially because in truth, she thought pretty fondly of Nicola. They came from different parts of the same state, and had been background players in each other's and Spencer's lives. Having that relationship change into something more of its own entity was also welcomed by Reggie. Her attention scanned over the shop, taking in all the various flowers, gardening supplies, and products that were currently on sale.

"I wanted to check out this cook book Raegan said she had in stock. It looks like things have gotten a little rearranged since the last time I was here," her head turned and eyes landed on Nicola with a knowing smiling, "I'm gonna take a wild guess you had a hand in making that happen, didn't you? When you can't change outfits as much, you might as well change shop." Laying it on thick was practically Regina's specialty, but she liked to think the both of them had thick enough skin and a complicated enough history that all the teasing was assumed to be from a good place. Usually.

NICOLA DE ROCHA

Nicola served an exaggerated eye roll as Reggie spoke next, but chose not to reply.  Maybe this was some sort of karmic revenge on Nicola.  She was known for making biting remarks concerning the neighborhood Reggie grew up in back In North Carolina after all.  Even before Nicola’s financial situation changed her eyes were peeled open to her born privilege.  It wasn’t lost on her that even now as she needed to work for a paycheck at a day job, her parents would bail her out it it really came down to it.  Being cut off started a point of contention between Nicola and Emilio de Rocha, and Nicola wanted to prove she didn’t need Daddy’s credit cards to make it in New York.

“Yes, I did have a hand in this, in fact I did it just to annoy you,” Nicola teased as she made her way from behind the counter.  As much as she wanted to leave Reggie to find the item herself, she figured she might as well make herself useful.  While potentially earn back some karmic points from all the times she made digs at Reggie’s expense.

“I believe you’ll find what you’re looking for in the newly reorganized kitchen goods section,” she offered doing her best Vanna White impression as she showed off the section of books.

REGGIE CLIFFTON

There was no denying that Nicola had a personality to her. Even when she was having to adjust to a world she used to look down on people for being part of, Reggie couldn't help but notice she kept her sharp wit and graceful elegance as if nothing changed at all. It was impressive as hell, but mostly, it was entertaining to lay witness to, "Oh ho ho, how fancy this place has become," Reggie pointed out playful exaggeration, pushing off the counter to make her way towards the designated section and bowing her head in polite thanks as she neared Nicola, "I'd say I'd like to buy a vowel, or maybe a book, but Lane seems to insist on having a 'people don't actually pay for things' policy." Reggie joked, knowing there was a a glimmer of truth to the statement. 

 Her eyes darted to the shelf, skimming cover to cover until they landed on the book in question. Or the one she assumed it was-- there would at least be some recipe she could use most likely, "It must be weird working for someone who's loaded. And someone like Raegan-- she's kind of like the nice version of the people from Wilmington. Which it makes sense that people like her weren't actually in it. The place might’ve been too bearable that way." Reggie glanced up and winked at Nicola. Sure, she did mostly mean the statement, but it wasn't meant to be a dig at the girl herself. In the past it might have been, but not anymore. Somehow, Reggie was sure she knew what she meant now that Nicola's horizons had broadened beyond that of their county lines and parents bank accounts.

NICOLA DE ROCHA

Not even Nicola could pretend like she could take any credit for Reagan’s shop being as elegant as it was.  She was simply given the creative space to make adjustments if it suited the aesthetic.  The changes could potentially catch fresh eyes and draw in new customers, maybe those business classes would be a total waste after all!  “I have noticed she runs her business like a Salvation Army, but it’s kind of sweet,” Nicola shrugged before adjusting one of the nearby bouquets.  “I mean it’s a terrible business model, but something tells me Reagan isn’t in this for the money.” 

 Nicola wanted to take offense to the comment made about the people from her hometown, but Reggie was kind of right.  Most of the people back in Wilmington were at best snobs and she chose not to think about what they were like at their worst.  “I want to argue with you but I’m constantly reminded that Spencer’s parents are Wilmington’s exception not the rule.  You should see what my old social circle is up to,” she added with an eye roll, this one surprisingly not in Reggie’s direction.  “They are all collectively turning into the worst kind of people."

REGGIE CLIFFTON

Grabbing the book off the shelf, Reggie let her focus be on thumbing through the pages of the recipes inside. If she was actually cooking, holding a conversation wouldn't be something she would want to continue. However, she was having a pleasant conversation with Nicola and that warranted to be enjoyed. The two didn't have a lot in common, and not in the cute way like Nicola and Spencer had. It was in a way where if they managed to not just stand awkwardly around each other, that was a feat. Maybe the two of them had changed in NYC more than it seemed. At least now they could poke fun at the people from back home together. 

 "Sorry, did you just say your old social circle? 'cause damn, they must really be some pieces of work if you're not even wanting to call them 'friends.'" Reggie playfully pointed out, looking back up at Nicola as she shifted her weight to lean on the display case, "But I believe it. No offense on anything, but I always hated whenever I went to your guy's school. You could just feel the judgement in the hallways. I don't know how you or Porter dealt with it daily."

NICOLA DE ROCHA

“They were hardly friends when I was in high school,” Nicola offered with a shrug.  Of course that realization had only come with the luxury of time, back then she was loyal to all they represented— being popular and more importantly being accepted.  They accepted her but that was because she stifled the parts of herself they wouldn’t have.  Nicola’s eyes darted to the book in Reggie’s hands at the mention of Spencer, considering she was the one who had to deal with the brunt of it all.  “None taken.  Considering I actively contributed to the culture… I really have no room to take offense.” 

 A thought occurred to Nicola as she remembered the atrocious group photo that had just popped up in her Facebook memories this morning.  Nicola pulled her phone out of the apron pocket, “Want to see a photo?  A throwback Thursday as the youths say,” she chuckled as she held up her phone.  “Bonus points if you can point out my beard."

REGGIE CLIFFTON

While Reggie was having no trouble scanning through the recipes and listening to Nicola, truthfully, Reggie had zoned out near the end. It wasn't Nicola's fault, or even Reggie's, it was just habit from having to learn drown Matt out since they had become roommates. So for a few seconds, Nicola's phone didn't get Reggie's attention and just remained suspended near her face. It was the few seconds of silence that made Reggie glance back up from the pages she was analyzing to be faced with a picture. One she had never seen before, but it had more than one familiar face.

"Jesus, what the fu-" Reggie started, her surprise quickly getting replaced with undivided attention. She stood straight up, hand reaching out to steady Nicola's phone and get a complete look of the photo. Her brow knitted together, eyes zeroed in on one face and one face only. A girl with dark hair, deep green eyes, and a smile Reggie knew all to well. Yet she could not even begin to understand what her ex-girlfriend was doing in a picture with Nicola DeRocha. Or any of what she called her social circle. Reggie desperately needed to know more, "Who is that? The chick between you and that guy? What's her deal?" Reggie had to stop herself from asking 'why is she there' as that was one she wasn't sure she would get, or want, an answer to .

NICOLA DE ROCHA

Honestly Nicola thought she was being playful and self deprecating by showing Reggie this photo.  It was the closest she’d ever had to an awkward phase, “Reggie, I have braces in this photo and I”m desperately hanging off a boy’s shoulder… this is prime roast material!”  Nicola’s eyes glanced back to the photo, and out of all eight teenagers posed, she couldn’t for the life of her understand why she’d focus in on Jinny Edwards of all people.

Foremost Nicola answered Reggie’s question with an eyeball, but maybe enough time had passed since high school where Nicola could find the humor in this situation.  “Jenna Edwards.  I don’t know what she’s up to these days because she blocked me everywhere, but at least she gave me an excuse to break up with my beard by making out with him a bunch junior year.  Still a total bitch move though, ya know?"

REGGIE CLIFFTON

Jenna Edwards 

 So it was was her. 

She blocked me everywhere 

Her Jinny had done that too. It absolutely was her. 

... making out with him a bunch junior year 

No. No. It couldn't of been her. 

Reggie felt a lump in her throat and looked at Nicola with eyes a little too dark to fully express how lost she felt hearing these things. Reggie and Jenna had been together for months by the time she transferred schools. Going to different schools didn't matter, her being in the closet didn't matter, her parents barely liking Reggie even as a friend didn't matter. It had made things harder, but they had never broken up before college. Not until after Reggie’s accident and certainly well after junior year of fucking high school. To say Reggie's mind was racing was putting it lightly, and it wasn’t helping her throat was closing up. It was getting hard to speak-- to say anything.

 "She... what?" Bewildered, that was her tone. She was at a loss, "He cheated on you with her? That's not... you're kidding right? You sure you're talking about the chick with the freckles?" On one hand, Reggie was pretty composed for someone who was feeling sick to her stomach. On another, it probably just seemed like she was surprised someone cheated on Nicola. Two things could be true, but she was much more focused on getting the truth on who Nicola knew Jinny Edwards to be and who Reggie had been perhaps too blind to see all along. 

NICOLA DE ROCHA

“I know, right?”  Fell a little too quickly from Nicola’s lips when Reggie seemed to be in disbelief that Nicola got cheated on.  At least that’s what it sounded like to her ears, and while she deemed Reggie’s doubt warranted… it wasn’t like Nicola had been a faithful girlfriend either, but least she had the good sense to trade up!  Nicola zoomed in on the photo, so it was cropped upon her ex and the girl in question, “Don’t let the freckles fool you, she was an obnoxious bully,” Nicola recalled with a shake of her head.  It wasn’t like the rest of her friends were much better, but as snobby as they were they never tore Nicola down.  At least now directly to her face.  “She called me d*ke-cola once— to moderate laughter, when I left a party early to hang out with Spencer.  I refuse to believe she clocked me by the way!  She was just being a bitch."

REGGIE CLIFFTON

A misunderstanding was all Reggie was hoping for at this point, but the moment Nicola had the picture zeroed in on Jinny there was no possible way this was. Nicola was a woman of many things, being this cruel wasn't one of them-- it was clear she had no idea who Jinny really was.  Or more like she didn't know Jinny's role in Reggie's life.  That part didn't surprise Reggie considering all the lengths she had gone through to keep them a secret. Hanging out in public was almost always met with a No, her going to Reggie's soccer games happened only before Jinny transferred, meeting any of her new friends from her new school was completely out of the question since Jinny said she "didn't have any," and the possibility of being together to the world wouldn't be allowed until they were in college-- far, far away from North Carolina. During the course of their relationship it had become frustrating keeping up with the rules, but Regina loved her. Jinny loved Reggie. And the world had told Reggie for years that love made everything worth it in the end... 

 It was now making sense why the couple winded up where they did. 

Throughout all the years since their break up, Regina had lamented herself for becoming a spiteful, awful person after her accident, especially to Jinny. For years Regina had seen Jinny as someone good in the world she had completely broke the heart and soul of from their constant fights near the end. She had never considered Jinny to be someone keeping secrets from her... especially ones of her bullying others with homophobia. The lips Regina had kissed and loved had also went around the school hallways saying slurs as jokes. It was sickening. It was infuriating. And god it was heartbreaking.

"I- uh, yeah. Sure. Maybe." was all Reggie managed to get out to Nicola after far too long of a silence. It was hardly answer but it was all she had after staring far too long at the photo again. Though, to be fair, Reggie wasn't exactly feeling the most present at the moment due to how much of her past just got shattered. She was beginning to feel herself questioning everything and it was getting to be heavy- too heavy. Reggie was starting to feel the weight of Nicola's words and the past actions of Jinny crushing her bit by bit. She felt like she was going to faint, or that the ground would swallow her up. For a moment, Reggie wished it would, because she couldn't stay where she was any longer. She needed to leave. She needed to stop looking at this picture. She needed to do fucking something. 

"Look, I... I gotta go, De Rocha, I can't fucking be here anymore," Reggie quickly tossed out, shoving the phone back towards Nicola as she could no longer keep looking at the picture. She didn't mean to have such a bite to her words, but currently Reggie's emotions were a little on the edge. Yet she didn't want Nicola to ask questions either, "I just... I feel sick or something so I'm... I'm gonna go. Thanks. I-I mean, sorry-- whatever. Fuck it. Who cares?" She muttered, looking for her skateboard so she could leave. The tone of Reggie's voice ranged all over: sincere, to unsure, to seemingly pissed. She could have explained herself better, but Reggie was in no place to. All she wanted was to get the hell out of Reagan's flower shop. She had no plans besides that. Given the entirety of what she thought to be true of her past was now in shambles, thinking beyond the current moment was impossible. Much like how her finding a way to get past this felt.

#*para: 016 #*para: all #*para: nicola #*c: nicola

[issabeauty1-blog]

Love Untraditional

IT was a few days before Thanksgiving 2018. This would have made 2 maybe 3 Thanksgivings that I spent as a single female. Not that the prior 7-8 years was any different, but my heart was healing from an unexpected breakup. Let me explain. Nathan was supposed to had been my everything. I mean, he was an amazing man. He gave me everything I thought that I needed. I felt protected (and we all want to feel protected). He stood about 6 feet 5 inches, dark chocolate complexion. Although he was lacking in certain anatomy of his body and looks, he made up for it in his intelligence. He showed me things that I had never seen before and always made me feel secure about my extra rolls. He encouraged me and wasn’t afraid of my strong demeanor. If I could say one thing that I least liked about him it would be his non-emotional disposition. I hated that! He was extremely egotistical and cocky on top of that. I guess I partial to blame when I bragged about how good he was in bed. Things began to change when he had to relocate for work. His career was always very important to him. I give him that, he was a hard worker and good at what he did. Although his job bounced him around from state to state, we always managed to see each other once a month….at least. Then the visits started to become far in between. And when we did see each other, if we weren’t having a petty disagreement, we were humping like rabbits. And it didn’t help much that his Caribbean background caused for lots and lots of alcohol. And of course alcohol sometimes leads to things we aren’t so proud of like exploring weird, in the closet desires. And then BOOM, after his mom passed he hit me with the ultimate betrayal. He told me that he had been seeing other women the whole time we’ve been dating! The whole damn time. Now at this time of confession, we were kinda sorta broken up. I just took a quick flight to see him because his mom had passed. He continued on about how much he still loved me but was currently in a relationship. That he had told her all about me and that she was okay with us still being together. This nigga must have been on dog food. Needless to say, I declined his offer. And although I declined his offer, somehow I just couldn’t let go. I did all sorts of foolish things that we as women sometimes do. I stalked his social media, I tried to make myself present places that I knew he would be. I made idol threats just to start an unavoidable argument. I called him from several burner numbers just to hear his voice or maybe I was just hoping to catch him at a weak moment. But the weaker I got, the stronger he got and the quicker he got over me. So finally, I allowed myself to be heart broken for the first time in my life. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and to admit that this man had hurt me deeply. And instead of being revengeful and plotting on how I was going to hurt his ass back, I just spent several days crying. And before I knew it, I was over him and I was over being in love!

So time went on and I felt it was time for me to start dating or fucking again…However you look at it. I started reaching out to those fuckboys who I knew wanted to be with me at any cost. But when the time came, I backed out. I do value my goods. After being so disappointed by the men I seem to attract, I started to believe it was me. That God had forgotten about me in the romance department. I felt myself being desperate and joining online dating sites just to get attention. Tinder was the most accessible, since it was free and everybody was swiping right. I found myself always swiping right but never finding Mr. Right. I met this one man who I had been chatting with for over 2 months. A nice looking guy from Philly with a calming voice and an average personality. He was nice to talk on a daily basis. He would send me pictures everyday. As I waited patiently, he finally sent me the infamous dick pic. And it was impressive. So I finally decided its time to meet. When I finally got the courage to meet with him, we decided to have our first date at the movies. We met outside the theatre and I call myself gonna sneak up and surprise him. But he had the surprise. From a distance he looked just like his pictures. He was dressed nice and casual. Low hair cut with deep waves. This man turned around and gave me the biggest smile. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YIUR TEETH??? All I saw was pure darkness!! How could he think that it was appropriate to meet me for the first time with no fucking teeth! Like bruh… I didn’t know if I should run, scream or kick his ass for wasting my time! So he asks for a hug and I give him a church hug with a gentle pat on the back. I didn’t want to get too close to feel any sort of bulge. We go inside the theatre and I immediately ask for several drinks. He ask me if I was nervous and I replied no, but I was thinking I just want to drink until my vision was blurred, lol. After the movie we went to dinner. He asks where did I want to eat and I’m looking for the most expensive restaurant in Boca Raton. But since it was so late, we ended up going to Juniors. He orders a burger, fries and onion rings. When they brought our food it was enormous and I’m sitting there waiting to see how he’s gonna eat with no teeth. And he had the nerve to ask the waitress for some pickles…Lol. She gave him pickle spears and he began sucking out the soft center. GROSS!! He has been fumbling with his food for about 30 minutes and yet to take a bite. I know he’s hungry so I excuse myself and head to the bathroom so he can scarf down his food. Hope he don’t choke I remember thinking. Before he could pay the bill my Uber was pulling up. Needless to say I didn’t see nor speak with him again.

After being shamed by my sons, my grandma and friends I vowed not go on any online dating sites again. And for the many months to follow, I keep a fresh pack of batteries. It’s now the holiday day season and a lot has changed. I’m a new grandma, new job and a new look on life. I remember cooking the day before Thanksgiving. I had just finished my first bottle of Moscato and the holiday blues is starting to set in. I grabbed my phone to text Nathan but stopped myself. Good girl!! But instead, I refreshed my Tinder page. After a few swipes right, I came across a match with BG. Now BG profile really caught my attention. He was from NY and grew up in Baltimore. He was a single dad and owned his own business. So we began to chat. We chatted all that night and even Thanksgiving day. For some strange reason, I really wanted to meet this guy before wasting my time. And he wanted to see me also. So we agreed to meet after dinner at my community pool house. I freshened my braids, threw on a cute t-shirt and some shorts. I walked across the parking lot to meet him. He pulled up in a bumble bee. It was clean and he looked nice driving it. He parked and I got in. His pictures didn’t do him justice. It was no coincidence that I was strongly attracted to him and him to me. We sat in his car and talked for hours. It was like we knew each other before. After that night, he immediately text me asking for a real date and I quickly accepted. He picked me up the next day and we headed to the beach. Sounds nice enough until he mentioned it was a “clothing optional” beach. Upon arriving to the beach, all I could see was wrinkled old nuts and tits. It was people from all walks of life. I couldn’t believe he would take me here on a first date. We set up the chairs, the tent and undressed to our swim attire. He went to the water as I stayed behind since I can’t swim. After awhile he encouraged me to get in the water. It was fun I must admit. He held me tight promising not to let me fall. After swimming we headed back to the tent. He dusted the sand off my body. The tent was big enough for us both to fit inside comfortably, so we laid down. He spread the blankets down. I started to complain that my skin was dry after getting out the water and he had baby oil…OF COURSE HE DID. He asked me real gentleman like if he could give me a massage! And ladies we all knows what comes next after he plays the massage card. I changed my Pandora station from Maxwell to R. Kelly because I knew this was gonna be good. His hands were so strong and warm against my trembling skin. Mind you, it has been close to two years since I’ve let a man get this close to me. I laid on my stomach and he had definitely done this before, probably a few times that week alone. He rubbed me slowly yet deep enough so it seemed like a massage. But it was more than that. It was erotic and sinful and I loved it. He worked his skillful hands to my hips. He asked me to spread my legs so he could oil my inner thighs, I obliged. I was so nervous yet so turned on at the same time. I closed my eyes tighter and tighter as he explored my body. I give it to him, he played it very safe…looking for any signs of him crossing the line. But I gave him an all access pass. He then started to gently tug at the strings that held my bikini bottom together. At this point, it was no turning back. Not that I wanted to. I assisted him in untying my bikini. His hands quickly found them back between my thighs. He seductively found himself rubbing the outside of my pulsating vagina. He then took what must have been his middle long finger and with an unexpected thrust, it slide inside my pussy full of juices. It must have felt just as good to him as it did to me because I felt his body moan. I then felt something warm dripping on my leg. And just like that, this man had ended my two year draught.

[chibinightowl]

The Fire Inside

For @myfavrobin  We all need a smokin’ hot fireman in our lives. Also posted on Ao3.

~*~

“Come on, Tim!” Kon begged, gazing up at Tim from the floor and turning on the puppy dog eyes. It should not be as effective as it was considering how long the two of them have been friends, but Tim felt his hard line waver under the onslaught. “I said no, Kon,” Tim replied firmly. He pulled his legs up and curled them against his chest, pointedly continuing to play his game. Kon’s character died long ago. Perhaps he should revive him and give him something else to focus on besides this. “But it’s for a good cause!” “I’m not saying it isn’t.” “Then why won’t you do it? It’s not like you’ve got any other jobs lined up at the moment.” Kon’s lips sealed shut when he realized his misstep. Tim paused the game and resisted the urge to throw the controller at his best friend. “I’m on vacation.”

A forced vacation perhaps, but a vacation nevertheless.  

Kon sighed as he stood and flopped down next to Tim. “Look, we all know what happened with your mom wasn’t your fault. That doesn’t mean you’ve got to sit here and sulk about it day in, day out. Seriously, when was the last time you’ve seen daylight?”

“Yesterday. I went up to the roof and read in the garden.” Tim’s building was progressive and green, a rarity in Gotham. The rooftop garden was peaceful and quiet during the day while all his neighbors worked. Worked like he used to, even if he technically doesn’t have to, Drake heir that he was.  

“Okay, fine,” Kon sighed before pressing on. “I just don’t get it, Tim. You’ve shot pro bono events like this before. You’ve had a great time doing it too. So why won’t you do this calendar for us?”

Kon was a firefighter. A firefighter with an extremely hot and sexy colleague who Tim often dreamed would put out the fires that burned inside him. Jason Todd was everything Tim found attractive in a man, plus a few things he didn’t realize he was missing out on. It killed him each and every time he had to interact with the man, which was more often than he liked since Kon was his best friend. The thought of photographing Jason as part of this calendar the firehouses in the district wanted to put out for their local charity was enough to turn Tim’s insides to Jell-O. He’d seen the man without a shirt on once and walked right into a pole as a result of it.

Nope. He’s not doing this to himself again. No way. Even if the memory of all that tanned skin still kept him awake at night and fueled some of his favorite fantasies.

Tim shook his head. “I have my reasons.”

“Are any of those reasons about six feet tall, blue eyed, with thighs thick as tree trunks?” Kon asked shrewdly.

Tim threw the controller at him. “No!” he tried, but it was too late. Kon was already grinning like the asshole he was.

“I knew it!” he crowed in delight. “You’ve got a crush on Jason!”

“What are you, ten?” Tim snapped as he tried to curl up tighter into his ball.

“Seriously, dude. You do! Why did I not figure this out before?”

“Because I was trying to hide it?”

Kon smirked and shook his head. “This explains why you walked into that pole.”

Tim cast about for something else to throw at his best friend. “Kon, please. Don’t say anything to him.”

“Why? It’s not like he’s going to laugh in your face and tell you to fuck off,” Kon replied. “He’s a dick, but not like that. Besides, when I brought up your name as a potential photographer, he seconded it immediately.”

That was unexpected. “Really?” Tim asked, perking up a bit.

“Yeah, really. In fact…” Kon trailed off, thinking over his words. That never meant anything good was about to happen. Tim braced himself, but his friend suddenly shook his head, even if there was a devious glint in his eyes. “Never mind. Anyway, please do this for us, Tim. Please. It can even be my Christmas and birthday presents next year.”

Tim knew his best friend too well to believe he was letting it go this easily. “What were you thinking, Kon?”

“I said it was nothing.”

“Nothing my lily white ass.”

Kon grinned broadly and threw the controller back at Tim. “C’mon, Tim. We’re even gonna feed you. And you know you’ve always wanted to play with a firehose.”

“Asshole.”

~*~*~

Tim was weak. So weak. He thought he could collapse right here and might just do it if it weren’t for the fact that his rather expensive camera would be crushed. Instead, he sat his ass on the concrete floor of the firehouse and hid behind the lens, already trained and focused on the subject of this particular shoot.

Jason.

Specifically, a shirtless Jason in nothing but heavy boots and stained yellow trousers held up by a thick pair of suspenders. He hung off the side of the firetruck and grinned rakishly. “Like this?” he asked.

Behind Tim, Dick Grayson, former underwear model and circus brat, was laughing as he tried to direct his friend. “You look like you should be on the cover of one of Cassie’s trashy romance novels.”

Next to him, the blonde paramedic agreed. “Yep. Except I can at least dream about those guys sweeping me off my feet.”

“Didn’t I see a cowboy on the cover of one of those recently?”

“You sure did. And guess what? He was into guys too.”

“Kinky. Can I read that one?” Jason called out.

Tim ignored their banter and snapped more pictures. More than he needed, but they didn’t need to know. “You trying for funny sexy or smoldering sexy?” he managed to ask. Jason looked more natural than anything else, but that grin was already twisting his insides into knots again.

When he found Kon, he was dead. So dead.

Admittedly, the day hadn’t been that bad. Not really. There were over a dozen volunteers from the different firehouses in the district for the event, off duty, and all having a ton of fun with choreographing and ribbing each other on as the photoshoot progressed. Tim had already swapped out his memory card for a fresh one and was pretty certain he would be making an album of all the goofy outtakes for these guys to laugh over.

Kon would still be a dead man though.

Up on the truck, Jason laughed, rich and bright as he swung around. “How about both?” he said as his lightly stubbled face contorted into something that was definitely not sexy nor smoldering.

“Flynn Rider, you are not!” Cassie hooted. “I don’t think goofy sexy is going to sell calendars.”

“I told ya, all we need to do is put Dickie there in a Speedo and we’re set!” Jason retorted as he made another face that Tim quickly caught for posterity. The playful mood helped calm his nerves somewhat.

“Hey, just because I used to flaunt it doesn’t mean I have to now,” Dick shot right back. “That’s why you’re in the money shot and not me.”

Dick had asked Tim before they even started if he would put Jason on the cover of the calendar rather than him. He didn’t mind participating, it was for a good cause after all, but as he put it, the days where his body and junk were on display for the world to see were long gone. Tim immediately acquiesced and rearranged a few of the ideas he had arrived at the station with, even if working closer with Jason was starting to wear on him.

Or rather, wear out his plethora of boner killer images. Tim felt like he’d been walking around at half-mast all morning. Sure, all the men and women around him were attractive and in great physical shape, but Jason seemed to eschew wearing a shirt at all today, even when he wasn’t in front of the camera. All the skin and muscles were getting to him, but right now, it was the faint trail of hair disappearing into Jason’s pants that kept distracting Tim the most. What was he wearing under those? Boxers? Briefs? Nothing?

If he kept it up, Tim was pretty sure Cassie would be performing mouth-to-mouth on him before lunch.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jason replied. “Okay, how about this?” He concentrated, schooling his features into a brooding pout and locked his eyes intently on Tim.

Tim swallowed and kept silent, even as he snapped more pictures. God, through the lens, he could see Jason’s brilliant blue eyes so clearly. That was definitely a smolder.

Still, something was off, and Tim was a professional. He lowered his camera. “Do you have your hat?” he asked. “You know, the big bucket shaped one?”

Dick snickered even as the pout fell off Jason’s face as he started laughing again. “And to think Kon calls you his best friend.”

“Just because he’s my best friend doesn’t mean I know what all your equipment is called.”

“Gimme a sec.” Jason hopped off the truck and brushed against Tim as he walked away.

Tim waited until he was out of sight to collapse against the ground, letting out a deep breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“You alright down there, Tim?” Cassie asked teasingly. She and Kon were an on again, off again thing, so Tim knew her pretty well. “If it’s CPR you need, I think I’ll refer you to someone else who would be much more willing to help you relearn how to breathe.”

Tim flipped her off, which made Dick cackle in glee. He was such a dick, even if he did have a pretty face. “I’m gonna kill Kon.”

“Nah, he’s blameless for once. Anyone with half a brain could figure it out.”

Dick squatted down next to him. “Tim, I’m going to let you in on a little secret that’s not really secret to anyone who works here. Except maybe Kon. He’s special like that.”

Tim cracked open an eye. “What?” he asked warily.

“Jason likes you too.”

Huh? Tim sat up quickly and blinked, his heart thundering in his chest. “What?”

“You heard me.” Dick stood and offered Tim a hand up. “He’s had a thing for you ever since the little community carnival you helped out at a while back.”

That was months ago. “If I’m so obvious, then why hasn’t he said anything?”

Cassie snorted loudly as Dick pulled Tim to his feet. “Because he’s just as big an idiot as you are,” she said. “Now that you know, maybe you can do something about it.”

“Wow. Okay. You sure?”

“Positive.”

Tim was still lost in a swirl of emotions when Jason jogged back over, carrying his helmet. Muscles rippled under bare skin and Tim’s mouth watered. Holy cow. If he didn’t somehow screw up, he could actually touch all that skin, or play with the pale nipples that peek out from under those suspenders, and, most importantly, find out exactly what that dark trail of hair leads to.

Oh, who was he kidding? He was Tim Drake. He was bound to screw this up. It was practically his MO for relationships.

“You okay?” Jason asked, reaching out to clasp Tim on the shoulder. “You thirsty?”

Cassie rolled her eyes as she looked away, unable to contain her laugh. “Oh, he’s thirsty for something, alright.”

“We’ll go grab some water bottles and check on lunch. I don’t know why we left Kon and Roy in charge of food.” Dick grabbed hold of Cassie’s arm and dragged her away. Neither quite made it far enough before they broke down in laughter.

“What’s with them?” Jason looked between Tim and his friends in confusion.

“I’m sure you’ll find out later,” Tim replied. Jason was still touching him. His hand was hot against the thin t-shirt he wore. The cool air of the firehouse grew warmer the longer it stayed in place, but that could also be the flush rising up the back of Tim’s neck.

“Yeah, probably.” Jason squeezed Tim’s shoulder lightly before he let go. “So, uh, we gonna finish this?”

Without the others around, things were surprisingly awkward. Tim bit his lip, debating about whether he should speak up or if he should just let Jason find out later after he leaves. His nerves were shot, and it didn’t help matters at all that he could feel the heat radiating off Jason, standing as close as he was.

“Let’s do it,” Tim replied, shoving everything aside to focus on the task at hand. He had one job to do and that was make Jason look as incredible as possible for the cover of this calendar. He could do this. He was a professional. He had photographed some of the most beautiful people in the world for some of the biggest fashion magazines around, even if he privately thought none of them could hold a candle to the man next to him.

Jason put on his helmet and got back up on the truck. He tried hard, Tim would grant him that, but everything felt off. The sizzling energy from earlier was gone and even Jason knew it. He slumped against the truck as Tim swiped through the photos he’d just taken, frowning.

“I’m sorry, Tim. I guess I need to be razzed up or something and now that the peanut gallery is gone…” he trailed off, running a hand through mussed up hair. His helmet sat at his feet.

Tim raised his camera just in time to catch the despondent look. Even like this, Jason was still photogenic.

It was time to make a decision. He could either use one of the shots he’d gotten earlier without the helmet or he could help his subject find that special energy again. Tim glanced at Jason and caught him staring.

The fire ignited once more.

Tim found himself being drawn in closer like a moth attracted to the flame. He took another picture as Jason’s lips parted into that same sensuous pout from before, his eyes intense and brooding.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me right now, Tim?” Jason asked hoarsely.

“Probably the same thing you’re doing to me,” Tim replied, taking one last picture.

“Yeah? We gonna do something about it?”

Tim lowered his camera. It was a heady feeling, knowing that he somehow turned this gorgeous hunk of a man on. Those were bedroom eyes, ones that he could feel stripping him down to his soul. “It depends,” he said, slowly striding forward.

“On what?” Jason crossed his arms over his chest, drawing Tim’s eye to the spread of his shoulders and all the heavy muscle of his upper body.

“What are the chances we’re going to get some actual privacy around here?”

“Slim to none,” Jason replied. “We’re being watched, you know.”

“Of course, we are.”

“Just kiss already!” Kon’s voice erupted from the other side of the garage. “I got money on this, Tim! You owe me!”

More laughter echoed out around from around them. “No, it has to be Jason!” Cassie shouted. “Do it, Jay! My money’s on you!”

Jason’s head slammed against the side of the fire engine even as Tim’s cheeks blazed under the force of his embarrassment. So much for the moment. At least he had his picture now.

Tim sighed and stepped away, but Jason’s arm snaked out and grabbed hold of him, drawing him close. His hands touched searing skin, and Tim barely managed to keep his camera from crushing into Jason’s chest.

Jason took hold of the camera and carefully swung it around the strap so that it hung down Tim’s back. “Want to fuck up all their bets?”

This was something Tim was very much on board with. “On three?”

“One.” Jason cradled the side of Tim’s face in one of his large hands.

“Two.” Tim reached up and tangled his fingers in Jason’s dark hair.

“Three.”

Their mouths met in a fiery clash even as hoots and shouts of encouragement and laughter rained down around them. Tim moaned under the onslaught and gave as much as he got, refusing to back down. It seemed to turn Jason on even more as his other arm wrapped around him, forcing Tim closer so that he could feel the solid wall of man and muscle pressed against every inch of him. Tim’s free hand dropped to Jason’s waist and traced the edge of the trousers that have been bothering him all morning. At the small of Jason’s back, Tim dared to sneak his fingers under the heavy fabric, wanting an answer to that all important question.

Tim’s questing fingers found nothing but bare skin.

Okay, so maybe Kon wasn’t so dead after all.

#chibinightowl writes #Tim Drake #Jason Todd #JayTim #Awkward Romance #Photographer!Tim #Fireman!Jason #Dick Grayson #Kon-El #Cassie Sandsmark

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

FEMSLASH FEBRUARY 2018 27/28: In which Donna is still angry

[CN: food, s4 spoilers, major character death]

When Joanie comes home for the first time since Cameron moved in, all she wants to do is be at home, with Donna, Haley, and Cameron. It's the summer, so she sleeps late, spends the afternoons hanging out with Haley after she gets home from her summer classes, sits next to Donna at dinner and helps her in the kitchen every evening, and stays up late watching Craig Ferguson and MTV with Cameron. On weekends, they barbecue, and Haley and Joanie swim, while Donna and Cameron lay out by the pool, side by side in chaise lounge chairs arranged as close to each other as possible. Donna relaxes in her bathing suit, sarong, floppy sun hat, and multiple layers of SPF 50 carefully reapplied every two hours, Cameron sits cross-legged, shoulders hunched, elbows to knees, chin in hand, in jeans and a t shirt and sneakers no matter how hot it is. Eventually, after another round of lectures about skin cancer and the importance of sun protection, she starts wearing sunscreen on her face and arms, and a pair of Donna's expensive wayfarers.

On an unusually warm Sunday in July, the girls are playing a funny and very competitive game of one-on-one volleyball. (Joanie keeps pushing for two-on-two even though everyone knows that Cameron Does Not Go In The Pool, "And it's a good thing too," Donna always mutters under breath, "because we'd rip them to shreds," which both amuses and scares Cameron a little.) Cameron notices that Donna isn't reclining elegantly like she usually does, she's watching the girls, sitting upright and alert, almost frowning at them. When Donna notices Cameron monitoring her face, she purses her lips, and then says, "You know, when I watch them act up like that, I still feel like Gordon is gonna come out here any minute and pretend to yell at them." Cameron sighs, "I don't think that ever completely goes away. Even now I think my mom has those moments. I can only imagine what that feels like."

"He wasn't a good partner," Donna huffs. "I'm still angry at him for it. I'm a terrible person." Cameron snorts, "I don't think that ever completely goes away, either." Then, gently, she says, "You're not a terrible person. I loved Gordon, but, I get how selfish he could be, now. I get how self-involved I've been." Donna deadpans, "Sensitive, flawed geniuses caught up in their very important, groundbreaking work." "Sorry," Cameron winces. Donna smirks, "It's not your fault that I have a type." They laugh quietly, and Haley scores the first point of the afternoon, Joanie's unsuccessful dive for the ball causing a loud splash.

Donna says, "You're not that much like Gordon. I mean that in a good way. You're a lot more attentive. He was just…oblivious. Always. Not just in Dallas." With a mirthless cackle, she says, "You wanna know how we wound up back in Texas? My parents, being how they are, offered to buy us a house, and help us with the girls, on the condition that it was in Dallas, and Gordon didn't want to. I didn't want to! But I was desperate. And also too young and stupid to know how bad it would really be."

Cameron, mesmerized as always by the way Donna talks about her own life, asks, "What do you mean, 'desperate'?" Donna looks at her and says, "We didn't have enough money, not really, because I couldn't work, because someone had to stay home with the baby. Gordon thought it would work itself out, and I didn't. We didn't really have friends. We couldn't afford help. I loved being at home with Joanie, but there were days when I just felt like I had no idea what I was doing, and I wanted to be at work because I knew I could do that. I was drowning. And no matter how many different ways I tried to explain it to him, Gordon didn't see it. So, after two years, I finally just said, "We're moving to Dallas." Because that was how it was with Gordon, you couldn't reason or negotiate with him, I had to tell him what we were doing, fight with him, and then wait out his surrender tantrum."

Cameron says, "I couldn't even tell Tom how I actually felt most of the time. I used to think it was because I was a bad wife, but after a while I realized it was because no feeling I ever had was right, he would always make me feel bad for not acting how he wanted me to?" Eyes narrowed in disdainful revulsion, Donna says, "Well, at least Gordon wasn't an asshole. Not that it's a competition." Cameron shakes her head, "No, I know what you mean. There are no winners here, man."

Donna sighs, "I wish I could forgive him for not realizing how scared I was. I've somehow managed to forgive everything else between us, but not that. He made me feel so alone." Cameron says, "I don't think you're required to forgive him for everything. Especially something that big, that never got better. Some things are just, I don't know. You just can't get past them." Then she says, "If it makes you feel any better, there were times when I wanted to put him through a wall." Shocked, Donna laughs, loud enough to distract both Haley and Joanie from their game (the point goes to Joanie), and Cameron says, "I still would, too, do you remember how he was about Mutiny? He needed a reality check, if he'd been anyone else's husband, I would've provided one for him in the form of an ass-kicking." Face skeptical, Donna says, "I'm not sure I believe you, Cameron Eugenia." Cameron pouts, betrayed, and Donna says, "You're tough, but you're still more of a lover than a fighter. Which is a compliment." Cameron blushes.

Solemn again, Cameron says, "Gordon had his baggage." Donna looks down into her lap and says, "I know." Cameron continues, "So, it's not your fault. You weren't supposed to fix him. Not that you didn't try. God, I've never seen anyone work so hard to save something. To save everything." Embarrassed, Donna rolls her eyes. "Which is always very sexy." Cameron wrinkles her nose adorably, and says, "It kind of is, actually. I like that you're not afraid to work on things. It's part of why you're a good engineer." For what feels like the first time in a very long time, Donna blushes, unconvinced, but still a little flustered by the unexpected approval.

They watch Haley and Joanie for a minute (the game is tied at 3-3) and then Donna says, "I miss him. But I'm so glad that I'm not married to him, and that I don't feel like I need him. And I'm really glad that you're my partner. You've made me feel a lot of things, Cameron. A whole lot of negative things. But you don't make me feel like I'm alone." Shyly, Cameron asks, "Last and best?" Grinning, Donna nods, "Last and best." Cameron whispers, "Come here…" as she leans over to kiss Donna lightly. Their faces are shaded by Donna's hat, but it's not long before the girls notice: "Moms making out! Moms sucking face!" they shout. When Joanie groans, "Get a room, jesus fvcking christ!" Donna pulls away and cries, "Joanie Marie Clark!" And then they all laugh.

#LAST AND BEST: a biography of the Silicon Prairie's Most Notorious Power Couple by ME #ugh i'm gonna miss writing these and also having an excuse to put off chores #femslash february #cameron howe #donna clark #donna emerson