#and I know none of it is true and that I have good friends and people who love and care about me

[kookslastbutton]

Guilty Pleasures ༓ jjk, kth (m) | chapter iii

✑ Summary: Three years of being Seoul's power couple earns you nothing but a big fat divorce settlement and your face plaster on every gossip column around town. You're angry, hurt, and desperately want to move on, but worst of all? You're still in love with the man who started the whole mess, even though the most he can ever see you as is a friend. The renowned actor you've hired to be your company's new endorser seems to have a soft spot for you though. He's easy on the eyes, you'll admit, but who actually wants a divorcee like yourself? It's unrealistic really.

pairing: ex-husband ceo!jungkook x ceo!reader, actor!taehyung x ceo!reader (not poly)

genre/AU: angst, smut, fluff, loverstoexesto ?, coworkers2?, unrequited love

Word count: 5.3k+

Warnings: some time skips (none too huge), oc and jk are both 30, Taehyung is 32, swearing, lots of introspection, tornado of emotions, morally grey characters, mentions of toxic relationships, mentions of broken home/families, themes of abandonment, mention of love bombing, reoccurring nightmares, sleep paralysis, mentions of therapy, struggles of self-blame, regret, guilt, etc., mentions of alcohol consumption, mentions of sexism in the media and business world, death (minor character), life-threatening accident (major character)

playlist: Unkiss Me, Apologize, Hate That I Love You, etc.

a/n: ANGST ANGST ANGST...don't say I never warned you hahaha. Anyway, once again, I had an amazing time writing this! (although nervous af 👉🏼 👈🏼) Just FYI, there are some time skips as this starts a few weeks after the gala! So to clarify, it’s now 3 months since oc’s divorce was officially finalized, as in done (the process itself took way longer). The chapter continues from there and yeah, the pace is picked up. Okay, let’s go! Enjoy! 🥰

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Fresh linen. Warm breeze. The smell and sound of the ocean.

You know this place too well, like a memory you hoped to have forgotten. Why are you here now? You glance around, taking in the familiar details—the blank ceiling above, the soft comforter that curls around your body like silk against your skin, and delicate rose petals scattered at the foot of the bed. It’s exactly as it was before — it feels exactly the same; too quiet, too peaceful, and too good to be true.

The sunlight streaming through the window is blinding, yet it draws you in with a force you can't resist. Carefully, you stand up, your feet meeting the cool wood floor, and you shiver. Each step you take towards the window feels heavier, like wading through water. When you reach the window, you see the sandy beach below, the waves beating rhythmically against the shore. It’s beautiful, but the painful kind.

To the left, a young couple, not much older than yourself, their hands tightly intertwined, as if afraid to let go. To the right, an older couple sitting further up the beach, comfortably silent as they take in the horizon, reminiscent of their many years together. You always dreamt of achieving the latter, yet here you stand, having neither, and the chances of ever obtaining it growing dimmer with each passing day.

For many, this was supposed to be a place of happiness, a symbol of love, promises, and new beginnings, but not for you. For you, it was a cocoon, trapping you in a deceptive comfort. You close your eyes, trying to steady your rapid breathing, yet it doesn’t prove to be of much help. Images from your past that you’ve tried blocking out of your mind time and time again suddenly resurface — the arguments, the tears, the feeling of everything and nothing at the same time.

“You’re up early,” His voice startles you, causing you to spin around in a panic. At that moment, your heart tightens in your chest, and a cold sweat forms on your brow. You thought you were alone. You’re certain of it. Yet the sight of your ex-husband standing only a few feet away, his hair still damp from his morning shower, is enough to leave you completely speechless.

"Why are you here?" you whisper, your voice trembling.

"Why are you here?" he counters, his dark eyes piercing into yours. "Isn't this what you wanted? To remember us, to remember how it felt to be together?”

What? This isn't making any sense. Why is he talking to you as if he were a ghost? Your eyes search frantically around the room until you spot it—the wedding band on his finger. No, not again. You hear yourself plead, but the words don't leave your lips. All at once, the room begins to feel smaller, the walls closing in on you. You're stuck in another manifestation of your past, this time reliving your honeymoon, three years ago in Greece.

"I didn't want this," you say, your voice barely audible. "I wanted to forget this."

"But you can't forget, can you?" he says, stepping closer. “You remember this view. You remember the floors and the walls. You remember that we had our first time together here and promised our devotion to each other."

“That’s not fair, Jungkook," you reply, taking a step back, "it's not fair at all, you left me. You don't get to patronize me like this."

“We both know our marriage came with stipulations, __. So when did I ever give you a reason to stay? Or to love me?”

You’re back in the bed, the sheets now suffocating rather than comforting. The sound of the ocean is louder, more insistent, drowning out your thoughts. You want to scream, to run, but you’re paralyzed by the fear, the guilt, the regret.

"This isn’t real,” you say to yourself, tears streaming down your face. “I’m dreaming, none of this is happening.”

“You can't escape what we had, or what we lost. We’ll always be here, together __, in this place,” he says softly, reaching out to touch your hand.

"No," you whisper, pulling your hand away. "I need to wake up. I need to let go...of you."

The room fades, his figure dissolving into the shadows. The sound of the ocean becomes a distant murmur as you fight to open your eyes. Wake up, please wake up. It's your own pleads chanting in your head. Finally, with a gasp, you awake, the nightmare diminishing like vapor.

“Fuck,” you curse, fingers gripping your sheets, “just another damn dream.” Rolling onto your back, you take a deep breath before reaching out for the glass of water on your nightstand. Its coolness soothes your dry throat. You reach for your phone next, checking the time—4:47 AM. Too early to start the day, too late to attempt falling back to sleep.

Your thumb hovers over Jimin’s name in your text threads. It would be 10 AM where he is. You consider sending a message, but you find yourself at a loss for words. Forget it, you lock your phone and rise from your bed, you’ll go for a walk instead. Yeah, it’s brisk outside, but the fresh air will help clear your mind.

After tossing on your warmest coat and scarf, you head outside, the sun beginning to break over the horizon. At first, you wander aimlessly, lost in thought as you pass the odd person or two on the sidewalk. One individual accidentally knocks into you, yet he's quick to apologize. You easily understand their rush; perhaps they've just finished the night shift and are eager to reach the comfort of home.

You imagine their loved ones who must be waiting for them. You could be wrong, and maybe you're biased, but the image you depict is a future you once envisioned for yourself—one of laughter, love, and a warm family. It’s a dream you secretly carried as a child, amidst your unstable upbringing. But as the years passed, what was once a lifelong aspiration felt more and more elusive, slipping through your fingers like grains of sand. It seems, in the end, it was just a dream…nothing more.

Of course, you've achieved other goals instead, success in your career for one. It's what you wanted most the more you became an adult. Even before Jungkook came in the picture you were thriving. Yes, you needed investors to expand, but you had already made a strong name for yourself, hence the reason his company even reached out to you for a partnership in the first place.

The second, and more formidable goal you’ve achieved was saving your company. You built your business with an earnest heart, good morals, and an ambition to serve a community. You couldn’t let it all be washed out by a larger, greedier industry giant. You had to do something. Too bad your judgment was skewed the day you saw a similar ambition in Jungkook’s eyes; he was just as determined as you to save what was his.

For a while you got what you wanted, stability for your business. But you got too invested, too short-sighted to anticipate that one day, it would all feel hollow without someone proper to share it with. Alas, your prior hopes, the ones you thought were buried long ago, began returning to you as if they were an overwhelming tsunami.

You wanted warmth.

You wanted intimacy.

You wanted a home.

You sought companionship with Jungkook but no, you read the signs all wrong. Once you dropped the L word, his attentiveness towards you skyrocketed. He began calling you while you were apart, surprising you with little gifts, and setting more time aside so you could both take Bam to the dog park on free days. But then it all stopped. After months of showering you with attention, his efforts exhausted him, so he looked for the first exit out.

You remember getting the text one afternoon— When will you be home tonight? We need to talk about something. Selfishly, you hoped he was going to tell you that you could take that trip to Fiji together. You had been hinting at it for the last two weeks. Of course, you were wrong because the last time you checked, trip itineraries didn’t come with divorce papers. At that moment, you realized that Jungkook didn’t try to love you in the slightest, he tried loving at you; love bombing 101. Your ties are now completely severed.

Yesterday marked three months since your divorce was finalized. You didn’t cry like you thought you would, but you did meet with Melody that day. As your therapist, she offered you her empathy, validation, and perspective. You feel you’ve gotten better since you started meeting with her, finally beginning to heal. Yet the unsettling dream that haunted your sleep last night shows you there are many things still left to resolve, feelings you need to confront, but where to start?

You love your ex-husband, but why?

Can it even be called love?

And do you really need him to love you back?

While you can only offer fragments of an answer for the first two, you seem to have a better-formed answer for the last.

No, you don’t need Jungkook to love you. He’s proven to you time and time again that you are not the one he can bear his heart to. He’s always reiterating that he wants you to find someone else, someone more deserving of you, whatever that means. Likely, it’s all projection. Out of the two of you, he’s the one more likely to re-marry.

As for you, you’ll always love him, at least a semblance of it. After all, he was once a part of you. But what was once a part of you, doesn’t need to be anymore. You have to let him go...though you wish you didn't have to.

You continue walking straight until you find yourself drawn to a small park overlooking the city skyline. It's fairly empty, with only a few people nearby. As you settle onto a weathered bench, you take in the view before you. It stretches endlessly. Sunrises have always held a special place in your heart—the amber glow breaking through the abyss of darkness as if a beacon of hope.

"You'll get through this __," you reassure yourself, “one day at a time.”

“Happy six months, boss!”

A goofy, boxy smile graces the man’s lips as he leans against the doorframe of your office. You take in his appearance: crème-colored sweater paired with dark brown slacks, the fabric impeccably tailored to his tall, lean frame. His ebony hair is perfectly parted down the center and feathered out to either side of his face, giving him a soft, approachable look. The glasses are new though, round with a hint of gold. Though a minor accessory, they seem to tie the rest of the look together.

Classy, yet cozy, you hum silently, it suits him.

Everything about the way he’s dressed today complements his features—not that it could be any other way, as Taehyung could never not look good in something. You learned that the hard way when you opted against a gaudy shirt and pant set your stylists suggested he wear for a commercial. Taehyung, being a free spirit, decided to try it on for kicks, and yeah, it strangely worked. He ended up shooting the entire commercial with it on. That video’s gotten your business the highest engagement rate across all your media platforms to this day.

“Mr. Kim, does six months of working together really merit a celebratory drop-in?” You lean back in your desk chair, arms folded as you narrow your eyes at the man. You're taunting him, not that he minds.

“Please,__,” he starts, stepping further into the room, his presence effortlessly filling the space. “The only person that still calls me that is the intern who works on set with us. Makes me feel old, like I’m double my real age.”

“Well, you are older than both of us.”

Taehyung gives you the look, a mix of amusement and mild aggravation.

“Two years is hardly considered older, but if you’re done trying to prod me, I’d like to ask you a series of serious questions.”

“Okay, what?” You straighten your back, curious to know what he’s thinking.

“Red or white wine?” He waits for your response, eyes seemingly hopeful. You're unsure where he's going with this, so you delay your response, suspicious of the spontaneity of the inquiry.

“Red,” you respond, cautiously. Taehyung seems pleased.

“Strawberries or blueberries?”

“Strawberries, though I prefer cherries most."

“Science or literature?"

"Literature." You surprise him with this one. "I like books, vintage ones."

"Do a lot of reading in your spare time?" he asks.

"When I get some, yes."

"Me too. Tolstoy?"

"Occasionally," you answer. "Where are you going with this, Taehyung?"

He shrugs. "Just making conversation." He pauses before continuing, “I also happen to know a place that offers all those things plus private bookings. How about you and I go for dinner tonight, as colleagues? If you hate the wine, I’ll drink it for you.”

The weight of his request hits you like a ton of bricks. Apart from a handful of social events, you and Taehyung haven't exactly mingled outside of the office. His sudden invitation to go out for dinner takes you by surprise, especially considering the nature of your professional relationship. However, you can't deny the subtle shifts in his behavior, the way he's been checking in on you more often, especially since the Winter Gala. Weeks have passed since then, but, no doubt, the memory of that night still lingers in both your minds—the shaming from a bitter business competitor, the unwanted press shining a light on your divorce, and your ex-husband who so easily approached you like it was nothing.

Taehyung suggested for you to slip away through the back door with him, offering to drive you home himself rather than leaving you with your limo driver. But you declined, feeling embarrassed that he wasn't merely a witness to the night's events, but also made to be a spectacle himself. You never wanted him to feel like he had to pity you or coax you through your personal trials. Being a good colleague is one thing, but he didn't need to go above and beyond.

“I don’t know if I can join you tonight, I'm sorry. I have a lot to do,” you say, your voice wavering slightly. It's not far from the truth with the mountain of business reports and budget plans to look over. Though your business remains functioning, it's a lot to maintain, especially with the number of investors having withdrawn their support once news got out about your marital separation. It's unfortunate how much a person's situation and the things they've built can change on someone else's dime.

“You sure?" Taehyung tries again, careful not to sound pushy. "The place isn’t overly posh, but we could go elsewhere if you’d prefer."

“I’m sorry, Taehyung, maybe another time?” you say, fingers fidgeting with a few documents on your desk, a nervous habit you developed ages ago. “I-"

“I understand,” he says, his expression softening, a hint of disappointment flickering in his eyes before he masks it with a gentle smile. "I have a film shoot that might go late anyway. Speaking of which, I'm expected on set in about half an hour so I'm going to head out, but if you change your mind, you know how to reach me."

You nod, recalling having his contact in your phone. The two of you agreed it would be easier to coordinate meetings and schedules this way. "I will, thank you. Good luck with your filming."

As you watch him leave, a twinge of guilt tugs at your conscience. Perhaps you shouldn't have dismissed him so quickly, considering how insistent he seemed. It's as if he was genuinely looking forward to the affair.

No, you can't entertain it any further. You have no way of knowing how far the night might've led—it's best to leave Kim Taehyung alone.

When you declined Taehyung's invitation to get dinner, you didn’t expect it to result in not seeing or hearing from him for the next week and a half. As an endorser, he doesn't work at the office regularly, coming and going as needed and since you hadn’t had any promotional projects for him recently, his absence seemed normal at first.

But this was Kim Taehyung. The same Taehyung who loved making spontaneous visits to the company, especially towards the end of the week. He often came in once, twice, sometimes three times a week to talk with Namjoon, your secretary, in particular. Somehow, the pair had become friends, and since Namjoon’s desk was near yours, Taehyung would drop by whenever he saw your door open. So, not hearing from him for 11 days straight was strange, like he'd vanished.

It was now Friday evening, the clock pushing 5 pm. You consider texting him to make sure he's okay, but wouldn’t that be hypocritical? You had agreed with yourself to leave him alone. Maybe he was on vacation, perhaps at a vineyard, or had taken on another film project. Being a highly talented actor, Taehyung had no shortage of casting directors contacting him for their movies and TV shows.

Embarrassingly, you hadn’t actually seen any of his movies. You enjoyed a good rom-com now and then, like the ones Taehyung starred in, but you usually opted for something more mindless when you had the time to watch anything.

You can imagine the loyal following he has though, as Taehyung was the epitome of a "dream boat" with his natural good looks and expressive eyes. He must be good at kiss scenes, which must be especially difficult for anyone dating him. You know you'd have a hard time accepting it at least, the fact that your flawless actor boyfriend was off making out with equally beautiful co-stars on set, that is. Anyway, as your endorser, maybe you should try supporting his films a bit more. There had to be one that would catch your eye.

Curious, you open a new tab on your phone and search for him.

"Holy fuck," the curse leaves your lips the minute the search returns. Dozens of articles display on your phone screen at once, all covering South Korean actor Kim Taehyung's recent motorcycle accident. You checked the publishing date—six hours ago. “Taehyung’s in the hospital. He’s in the fucking hospital!”

Panicked, you leave your office to speak with your secretary.

“Ms. __,” Namjoon greets you immediately, a trace of hesitation in his tone upon seeing your frazzled state. “Is everything alright?”

“Joon,” you refer to him by his pet name, “Did you know that Taehyung’s in the hospital?”

“What?” He seems as shocked as you, his eyebrows shooting up in alarm.

“It happened this morning around eleven or something. It was a collision, a motorcycle accident. Oh god, he’s—he’s been taken to the ER,” you choke out the words, struggling to maintain your composure as you try recalling one of the articles you skimmed. “We have to go. I have to go right now.”

“I’m coming with you.” Namjoon leaps from his chair, grabbing his keys from his desk drawer. “I’ll drive.”

“No,” you stop him, “I don’t know how long this’ll be and you usually work until 5:30, so I don't want you to have to be stuck at the hospital with me. I want you to be able to call it an early night if you want. We'll take separate cars over.”

“Okay,” he nods. “I’ll meet you over there then?”

“Yeah.” You nod back, clutching your keys harder in your palm. “Yeah, sounds good.” You turn around to head for the nearest exit, but your secretary stops you mid-step.

“__,” he calls you by your name, having known you for the past decade permits him to do so. He softens his eyes when he sees the worry in your own clear as day. “He’s gonna be okay. We have to believe that. Please drive safe.”

“You too,” you say, then disappear from his sight.

When you arrive, it’s a madhouse. Sirens blare as ambulances rush into the hospital parking lot, doctors and nurses race from room to room, and fans—so many fans—crowd outside, all waving signs of comfort and support.

“I'm here to see Kim Taehyung,” you say urgently to the charge nurse. She recognizes you immediately and throws you a look of distaste, but you’re too focused on the emergency at hand to care. “I’m sure you know who I am, but I need to see him. We work together, we're colleagues.”

“Ms. __,” she replies, surprisingly calm and collected amidst her obvious dislike of you. “I’m afraid he’s currently receiving serious medical attention and won’t be able to have any visitors at the moment.”

“I’ll wait,” you blurt out the words faster than you anticipate. You feel like you're eating your words from earlier about leaving him alone, but this is different—his life is on the line. "I can wait for him.”

“Visiting hours are only until 8 pm. I really don’t think—”

“Please,” you interrupt, your voice stern and urgent. “He's part of my team. He's my...friend. I have to know if he’s okay.”

The nurse hesitates, her expression softening slightly as she sees the genuine concern in your eyes. “Alright,” she finally says, her tone firm but kinder. “You can wait in the family lounge, but I can’t promise you’ll be able to see him anytime soon."

“Thank you,” you say, relief flooding through you. She directs you to a quiet room down the hall, away from the commotion where you're better able to calm your racing thoughts. You find a seat in the far corner immediately and send a quick text to Namjoon, letting him know where you are.

As you wait, the minutes drag by painfully slow. You can’t stop replaying the articles in your mind from earlier, the words “motorcycle accident” echoing like a mantra. How did this even happen? How bad was his condition? How much strain is this going to put on his acting career? You wish you knew.

A handful of nurses enter the lounge occasionally, calling out names and providing updates, but none of them are Taehyung’s. You find your ears burning every time the door opens, heart racing, only to sink back into your seat when it’s not about him.

Finally, you catch sight of Namjoon, his face mirroring your concern. He spots you immediately and rushes over, taking a seat in the chair beside you. “Any news?” he asks, his voice low and urgent.

“Not yet,” you reply, your voice barely above a whisper. “They said he’s receiving serious medical attention and don't know when we'll be able to see him. We have to leave by 8.”

Namjoon nods, his expression grim but unwavering “We’ll wait together.”

"If you need to leave sooner than—"

"I know," he interrupts. "I appreciate it, but please let me be here too."

You sit in silence from then on, exhaustion beginning to weigh heavy on both your shoulders. It's not until 7:35 when a doctor walks into the lounge, his tired eyes scan the room until they land on you and Namjoon.

“Are you here for Kim Taehyung?” he asks. "I'm Dr. Min."

You nod, your heart in your throat.

“He’s stable for now,” Dr. Min explains, “but he's still in critical condition. We’re doing everything we can.”

“Can we see him?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

He sighs. “Only for a few minutes. And you need to be prepared—he’s heavily sedated and has sustained significant injuries.”

“I understand,” you reply, mentally preparing yourself for what’s to come.

Dr. Min leads you through a maze of hallways until you reach the ICU. As you enter Taehyung’s room, the sight of him hooked up to machines and covered in bandages nearly breaks you. You take a deep breath and step closer, Namjoon right next to you.

“Taehyung,” you whisper, but he remains motionless, his breathing steady and rhythmic. The severity of his injuries is evident in the way he lies.

“We're here, Taehyung,” Namjoon continues, noticing your slightly frozen state. “We’re both here for you. Please, fight through this. You and I, we're good pals, remember? Like brothers. You have to—"

Although the more collected one before, Namjoon begins to struggle with his words. You place a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. Having known him for 10 years, you know that despite his strong exterior, he has one of the softest souls you know.

"I think I have to go, __. It'll be better if I see him when he's awake. I want to stay longer, but I just don't know if I can."

"I understand, we can't stay much longer anyway. Go home and get some rest. Dr. Min will call us when he's awake and able to talk."

After you give him a hug, Namjoon leaves the room, leaving you alone with Taehyung. You end up pulling up a chair beside his bed and slowly reach out to touch his hand. It's instinctive for you, the need to feel his heartbeat overpowering any other thought.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Taehyung," you start, your voice a mere murmur. "You'll push through this, right? Like in the movies you film. I confess I haven't seen any of them yet, but—but I will! That's how I found out about all this actually. We hadn't seen you for nearly two weeks, so I searched you up. Not in a weird way though, okay? Not like...anyway, I'm sorry I said no to you that day. When you asked to go for dinner, it threw me off. This whole thing with my ex-husband just has my mind in fifty million directions, so I promise it wasn't you. I hope you didn't think that."

"You've always seemed to show up for me, whether it's for the good of the company or even a little emotionally in some aspects. With the reputation I have these days, I'll always be grateful that you chose to work with me. You have a good heart, Taehyung, so much that I think if we ever got close, I think it might be unbearable for me," you pause, a couple of tears slipping down your face.

Just then, a creaking of the room's door momentarily pulls your attention away. Dr. Min stands a few feet away, clearing his throat—a gentle but firm signal that it's time for you to leave.

"I have to go soon, but I'll be back tomorrow, okay? Even if you're still asleep or not, I'll stop in and sit with you for a while because...because I need to be sure that you'll be alright. Namjoon will come see you too when he's ready. But I'll see you in the morning, alright Kim?"

You squeeze Taehyung's hand gently before heading out of the room, thanking the medical staff along the way.

When you get home, the first thing you do is head straight for the bathroom. Your whole body feels riddled with stress and exhaustion, and you know that the only thing that can offer even the slightest amount of solace is the warmth of water.

Yet not four minutes after immersing yourself in your tub does your phone ring, demanding your attention. Being this late into the evening, you figure it has to be Jimin.

But you're wrong.

When you reach to answer the call, it's actually an unrecognizable number that's flashing on the screen. You hesitate for a moment, debating whether to answer or let it go to voicemail.

"Hello?" you answer cautiously, curiosity getting the best of you.

There's a brief pause on the other end before his voice comes through, words slightly muddled. "Hey, it's me," he says, his tone soft. "I've been...I've been thinking about my life, you know? About everything.

"J-Jungkook?" Your heart sinks as you quickly decipher the owner of the voice, but then it hardens. It's obvious from the slurring of his words that he's been drinking. "Why on earth are you calling me? And at this godforsaken hour too."

"I told you...I've been thinking about my life."

"I'm hanging up."

"No, please, stay on the line for five minutes. Please, I have to tell you...what I've been thinking."

"You have three minutes," you sigh, ready for anything (except what he was about to spring on you).

"I wanted to save my company," he continues, his voice wavering slightly. "For my mom's sake, you know? My dad owned it and stuff but she was the one who was behind all the technology...and that's why I married you. You...reminded me of her."

Your breath catches in your throat as he reveals the truth behind his actions, the raw honesty of his words hitting you like a punch to the gut. You knew very little of Jungkook's mother, too, as he didn't speak of her often.

"And then...then there's the real reason I divorced you," he admits, his voice breaking slightly. "My parents had a terrible marriage, you know? My mom...she had to manage my dad's temper for years...he didn't love her at all. He just married her because she was smart and could make him rich. It made her so unhappy, but you know she loved him so much. She...she passed away when I was 16, and...and I didn't want that for you. I didn't want you to be trapped like she was, because I'm like my dad you know? My feelings are...weird... I never know what the hell I'm...feeling. I'm probably not making a lot of sense am I?"

"I'm trying to understand." You want to hang up here and now but every time he speaks, you cant bring yourself to do it. The pain in his voice cuts through you like a knife, and it's a side of him that you've rarely seen before.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, his voice thick with regret. "I'm sorry for being such a dumbass that day I got my stuff. That was like, six months ago and I still hate myself for it. I shouldn't have made an advance on you like that. I was...I was immature, and I wasn't thinking."

"After the gala," he continues, his words becoming more coherent as he speaks. "I...I felt even more guilty, you know? Because, I still have a photo of you and Bam on my dresser. It's small, but I've tried to put it away over and over and over again, but I can't do it. I don't know what's wrong with me...it's almost a year since we lived under the same goddam roof and I can still smell your perfume, I can still remember how you laugh with both your lips and your eyes...the way you scrunch you nose when—"

"What are you trying to say Jungkook?" You interrupt. "That you're sorry and can't get me out of your head, so you need my forgiveness to move on?"

"No! That's...that's not it at all. I mean, I do want your forgiveness but—"

"Well, what the fuck is it?" You hate how aggressive your voice is sounding, but the obscene amount of incoherent information he's revealing to you is overwhelming. "It's 10 freaking pm at night, I had a long day, I'm sleep deprived, and Taehyung's in the fucking hospital which is so distressing, so I'm sorry, but I can't handle any more of your cryptic messages!"

"I think I might love you," he finally says, his voice raising as well. "I know I'm...I'm being a dumbass, but I...I think I love you. I love you __, fuck!"

a/n: So....how are we feeling about Jungkook rn? Also, my darling Taehyung is taking one for the team here 😭 🤍 LMK what you think! Lastly, I understand the timeline of events is a bit tricky to follow, so if it helps I can put something in the series masterlist to help. Vote for jjk or kth!

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#jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x you #jungkook imagines #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #bts smut #bts angst #bts au #bts imagines #bts fanfics #bts x reader #fic:guiltypleasures #kookslastbutton

[jewishvitya]

I'm annoyed, I need to vent. I keep seeing this "a few bad apples" kind of attitude:

The reply isn't wrong. Yes, he's considered an extremist. Just like Ben-Gvir is considered an extremist. Just like Smotrich is considered an extremist.

Ben-Gvir and Smotrich got 10% of the votes in the last elections.

Just a bit ago someone sent me a video of Smotrich calling for genocide and asked me "are those subtitles real?" Because people check with me for Hebrew. And it was real. He said, explicitly, "Rafah, Deir al Balah, Nuseirat, total extermination." None of this is surprising from them. They've always been like this, this isn't new, and they won 10% of votes.

Often on posts by myself or other anti-zionist Israelis, especially posts showing protests, I see people saying "remember the people aren't the government" and yes, that's true, we're not, it's so important to remember that. But it's so infuriating to me when I see people talking like Israeli society wants to reach fairness and justice and coexistence and politicians are getting in the way. Like we aren't in line with our government on a lot. Why, because we hate Netanyahu?

Hating Netanyahu means nothing. I know people who hate Netanyahu so they voted for Bennett, who is further right than him. I know people who hate Netanyahu because he isn't brutal enough for them, they think he's holding back, they'd want someone like Ben-Gvir or Smotrich to be Prime Minister. I don't know many people who hate Netanyahu for being too far to the right. The biggest group are on the same page as him in terms of what the goal is (no Palestinian state), they just think he's doing a bad job of it and he's too corrupt. They're good with the Likkud, they just want to get rid of Netanyahu and his people, and then the party will be fixed in their eyes.

That's why, for me the next question I always want to ask is, who are we voting for. Which policies are we voting for. And the left-leaning political parties don't get voters.

In Israel "left" and "right" are practically decided according to opinions about Palestine. You could be pro-LGBTQ, pro socialist policies, pro all sorts of lefty ideas, but if you're right wing on Palestine you'll call yourself a right winger in Israel. I knew an antifeminist pro-capitalist MRA incel who considers himself a leftist because he supports a Palestinian state. I am not exaggerating, I'm not making up a character, I met him a few years ago through shared friends, he visited my apartment at some point.

So when I'm saying leftist parties don't get votes, that's because Israeli society broadly agrees with the right wing ABOUT PALESTINE. It's the first priority most of us have when voting. And we don't vote for anything that has a chance to improve their lives, because we're scared. We want to keep them in check.

Israelis are in denial about the fascism in our own society, so those who are too explicit about it, too outspoken about being nationalist, are just... "who can take them seriously?" All while they have the support of 1 out of 10 Israelis.

I'm not saying "assume that every Israeli is evil, you should want us all dead." Just... we're in denial about our own society, and it drives me crazy when people pretend like the problem isn't as big as it is.

#riki babbles #venting

[dotthings]

Behold, a master tightrope walker at work. While being clear how deep the love goes. That part isn't danced around. Yet this was vague and open-ended as Jensen could manage as to the exact nature of the love from Dean's end.

No amount of shouting from whatever stans will turn this into definitive slamming of a door. Jensen's still threading that needle about Dean, while he said that Cas's confession being romantic is "clear text" not "subtext."

None of this surprises me. It's been self-evident for a while (except to grudgewanking arbitrary naysayers) that Jensen is 100% in support of gay Cas in love with Dean. Jensen's just opening the faucet more letting those views pour out.

"Dean was sitting there on the floor and realized that he -- he had not only lost a brother-in-arms but had also lost one of his closest -- the closest people to him. And I -- you know I've said that when you find your people it doesn't matter who or what or where or why or when they are, you find your people. And they found each other"

The annotated Jensen Ackles:

(1) "brother-in-arms" -- even if someone wants to try and forcibly limit Dean and Cas to that term, brother-in-arms, as has been pointed out many times, has connotations not limited to platonic meanings, in ancient epics, in modern media, in music, in actual historical figures. But limiting to that term isn't even what happened here, since Jensen says "not only lost a brother-in-arms but..." There is no way out of this. Master stroke. He boxed the naysayers in but good. Let them spin in place.

(2) "had also lost one of his closest -- the closest people to him" -- Jensen stopped himself and changed what was likely "friends" to "people" and I'm not insisting on anything as to why but it sure is fascinating that he swerved and went with a less definitive word. Dean and Cas are best friends, that's canon, but if that's the limit, why swerve from saying friends? They are friends. That's true no matter what. This therefore appears to be about keeping things open ended. For now, Jensen doesn't want to tip his hand too far.

(3) "when you find your people it doesn't matter who or what or where or why" oh that's open-ended af. Thank you Jensen. Keeping the doors open wide enough to drive a semi truck through.

(4) "you find your people. And they found each other" -- somebody hold me that's beautiful. I have not much analytical to say except that sounds like another instance of keeping definitions of the relationship open-ended. But mostly I wanted to have another nervous breakdown again. Jensen said Cas is Dean's people. And they found each other. *UGLY SOBBING*

#Jensen Ackles #Destiel

[modanisgf]

015. LET ME LOVE YOU (HALF WRITTEN)

wc: <1k

warning(s): slight spoilers for a movie (atsv), profanity

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hanni was currently in her room getting ready, over analyzing her appearance. she was on the phone with minji, who was with haerin at the moment.

"are you sure all this is necessary?" haerin said, making hanni groan.

"i don't know, i just wanna look my best for her." hanni says.

"didn't you say you aren't in love with her?” minji asks, being met with a long pause.

“i’m gonna fight you.” hanni mumbles, making the two on the phone giggle.

“anyways, you need to hurry up. yn is supposed to be there in fifteen minutes.” haerin says, making hanni freeze.

“and you didn’t tell me until now?”

“it’s better than telling you five minutes before.."

"i'm blocking you." hanni said simply before hanging up, not missing the giggles heard from the other side of the phone.

hanni made quick work to clean up her apartment, the doorbell ringing as she was making the finishing touches. she opened her phone, checking her appearance before opening the door.

“hi hanni!” you say, grinning.

hanni was mesmerized by you, your voice leaving her in a trance.

“hi yn.” hanni says, letting you in.

the next hour was pretty quiet with you being invested in the movie, hanni smiling everytime you gasped at a plot twist.

“she seriously betrayed him like that?” you exclaimed.

“i mean miguel and spider-woman were her role models, of course she was gonna—“ hanni says.

“don’t defend her hanni.” yn interrupts.

hanni gives yn a blank stare, turning her attention back to the movie. one thing was on her mind though, were you really dating chaeryeong? she didn’t exactly expect you to let her know, your relationship being fresh but she really wanted to know.

hanni couldn’t even deny it anymore, she was in love with you and she was jealous that you and chaeryeong were on music bank together. she was jealous that the rumors might be true and that you and chaeryeong were togther. she was jealous that the internet loved you two together and the only fan you guys had was jay, hanni’s dumb fan page and hanni herself.

“yn are you and chaeryeong a thing?” hanni randomly asks, confusing you.

“hanni did you see that? his suit looks so cool!” you say, ignoring her question.

hanni sucks in a breath out of anger, why couldn’t you just tell her?

“yn, can you just answer me?” hanni asks.

“it’s really none of your business.” you say.

“aren’t i your friend? i just wanna know what’s up with you.”

“we barely know each other hanni.”

“are you serious? we’ve talked so much over text i just thought—“

“well maybe because we had to.” yn says.

“what the hell are you talking about? i thought we moved past the pr stunt, it might not even happen anymore.” hanni retaliates.

“that’s good because i think i have something going on with chaeryeong.” yn states.

“oh and you couldn’t have just said that like five minutes ago, that’s all i asked.” hanni says, infuriated at this point.

“y’know what just get out of my house, i don’t wanna see or talk to you anymore.” hanni says, turning off the tv and rushing to open the door.

“huh? i was just being straight up with you!” yn says in her defense.

“i don’t care, i know what i said i don’t wanna talk to you anymore.” hanni sneers, not noticing the hurt look on your face you failed to mask.

you left the house quickly, breaking out into tears as you realized the damage you had just done. hanni obviously wouldn’t know you weren’t allowed to discuss her companies plans with anyone, especially her. her ceo wanted to create a love triangle, and wanted nothing good for hanni after her scandals recently.

you didn’t know why you couldn’t just be honest with her and tell her, it was going to be hell for hanni soon and you chose to keep the information to yourself. you knew hanni was already heartbroken, rumors going around the industry she had wanted to be your friend for so long.

you felt horrible to say the least and you just wished you could start all over again, take it all back and just tell hanni the truth.

TAGS 🏷️ (OPEN): @jayjj7 @haerinsloverr @aribunnu @masuowo @multiliker @aeriniee @sewiouslyz @edenzeepy @popasi @home2venus @ghstvr @technicallyimportantsweets @he------len @yukianism @yeetaberry127 @haechansbbg @linnnsworld @sixflame438 @emotionallyrin @gtfoiydlyj @inosfavgf @rvoulte @hotluvlet

a/n— yearly update guys!! 😁😁 (swear im writing more tn)

#k labels #newjeans #newjeans hanni #newjeans smau #newjeans x reader #kpop x reader #kpop smau #newjeans fanfic #kpop fanfic #hanni pham x reader #hanni x reader #hanni pham #Spotify

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part six

authors note: i'm very sorry in advance for how this ends, it was just getting wayyyy too long, and there was no good place to slice it in half, so i cut it before shit unfolds, so yes please don't hate me!!!

pairing: roman reigns x black!reader

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: fluff, language, suggestive dialogue, angst

song inspo: ‘with me’ by destiny’s child

words: 6.5k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns

“Whoa.”

Mariah’s reaction is expected. Your living room, specifically the sofa, is occupied by several of Callie’s dolls. A tea party that you were so kindly invited to attend this morning. 

“Girl, you should see her playroom. Pretty soon the floor is going to be non-visible.” 

A small part of you regrets not trying to straighten up before Mariah came over, but this is also your literal best friend. You know she’s seen more than almost anyone else in your life, and she would never judge you, let alone over the state of your apartment when she has a child of her own. 

Mariah looks over at you with a raised brow. “He did all this?” You nod. “Why?”

“Because she’s his little girl and of course he’s going to spoil her. A quote.” You chuckle as you and Mariah decide to just sit at the kitchen island. It’s probably best to leave the dolls untouched as Callie’s likely to wake up from her nap wanting to play again. 

Mariah gives you a look. “You don’t find that weird?”

Confused, you ask, “what?”

Mariah shrugs and circles the top of her water bottle with her index finger. “I don’t know. He just found out about her, and now he’s buying her stuff? Seems like he’s trying to buy her love.”

“You don’t know Joe.” It’s an easy dismissal, because you do know him and know that’s the last thing on his mind. “That’s not him at all. He just wants to see her happy.”

Mariah looks unfazed and stands ten toes down, adding on, “then he should be here full time instead of randomly popping in.” You just look at her, slightly confused where this is coming from. “I mean, I’m happy she’s getting to know him, but this is all so messy, you know? He’s married. He has a wife, and he’s coming here seeing his secret child with his secret mistress.”

You can only look at her, stunned by her words, even if a small part of you knows there’s some element of truth. Joe swiftly dodged the only question you’ve asked about how and when he’s going to tell his wife about Callie. It was a valid question that deserved an answer.  But the things Mariah is saying, you can’t tell if it angers you because it’s not true or hurts you because it is. 

She seems to detect your conflicted emotions and reaches over with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be negative. I just remember how hard it was for you when you and Joe broke up the first time. I hated seeing you so hurt.”

“We’re not together, Mariah. We’re coparenting.” You hate how soft your voice is, giving away that her words now have your head spinning. 

“So you honestly mean to tell me that you have no feelings for him? None whatsoever.” You can’t give her an answer, or either refuse to. It’s another valid question but the answer isn’t as simple for you to express. You know you feel something for Joe, but that could just be because of the fact that you two share a child together. There has to be some type of emotional connection between any two people who create life. “Exactly. Just be careful. He broke your heart once before. Don’t let him do it again.”

Your feelings are so mixed, agreeing with certain aspects of what’s being said and disagreeing with others. Mariah has triggered some big thoughts, ones that you probably should sort through at some point. You’re just not eager for right now to be that moment.

“Enough about me, what’s been going on with you?”

You pray she knows you well enough to know that you’re desperate to change the subject. “What do you mean?”

“I feel like we haven’t spoken much lately, and I know that’s partially on me. It’s just been a lot on my end, I’m sorry.” 

She shrugs. “It’s cool.”

Something tells you that she’s just saying that, and there’s a level of bitterness towards you for the distance. But, you can’t allow yourself to be hurt by that, because it’s fair. Mariah has been too good of a friend to be ditched the minute your ex comes back around. 

‘How are things with Caleb? Are you guys getting along any better?” Caleb and Mariah have only been married for two years but have already hit a rough patch, enough where he’s temporarily moved out of the house. Last you spoke with her, they were supposed to meet up to discuss what they were going to do, especially for the sake of Miach.

“Did you see him at my place last time you were there?” Her response is all you need to know that that is still a sensitive spot for her as well. Understandably so, but her shut down is so cold and unlike the sweet, gentle friend you’ve always known her to be. You were always known as the outspoken, brutal friend, though it seems that maybe as the years go by, the roles are reversing. 

Unless there's something else at play.

—-------

Today is going to be a good day. 

For Callie at least. 

Your earlier conversation with Mariah, who seemed far too eager to leave when you mentioned Joe would be arriving in less than two hours, is still circulating in your head. You know she’s only trying to look out for you, and you’re very appreciative of that, but there was some undertone to the way she spoke to you that you can’t shake off. Like, it wasn’t coming just from a place of concern, but something else that didn’t seem as genuine.

“Mommy, why are we cleaning?”

Because mommy is too broke for a maid.

You instead settle on the answer, “because we want our home nice and clean, baby.”

“But, it is clean.” She’s not entirely wrong, it’s just every so often you like to deep clean, dusting, mopping, the extra shit that usually isn’t done with daily cleaning. 

Taking a break from wiping down your kitchen counters with some overpriced cleaner you picked up from Target, you see Callie is ready to be done, the dust rag you’d given here now sitting on the coffee table.

With a heavy sigh, you ask, “you wanna play, don’t you?” Her eyes widen and her head nods enthusiastically. A quick glance at the clock indicates that Joe should be knocking at your door any minute, so you try to buy some more time. “Alright, let mommy finish here, and I’ll come play with you.”

“Yay!”

Chuckling, you listen to the sound of her run in the direction of her playroom while you finish scrubbing the counters, even if they’re as clean as they can get. It’s most likely a result of all the overthinking you’ve done the past few hours. The older you get, the more you realize you’ve become that ‘i’m anxious, so let’s clean until we’re physically exhausted’ mom. Which, technically, isn’t a horrible thing, but it’s also probably not the best way to deal with your emotions.

Not that you’ve always been the best with that either.

And that’s when you hear it, the solid two knocks you’ve been waiting for all morning. 

Smiling, you call out for Callie who marches out seconds later with a doll in her hand. “You wanna see who’s at the door for mommy?” Callie looks rightfully confused. At the same time you taught her how to open, close, and lock the door because you never know what can happen, you stressed to her that she is to never open it without permission or unless during an emergency. So, you emphasize, “it’s okay.”

Shrugging, she skips, literally skips to the door. You chuckle. This kid has so much damn personality. Moving to the sink to rinse your hands, you move slowly, waiting for it.

A loud gasp. “Joe!”

You can mentally picture the absolute surprise and happiness splashed over her little face. Grabbing the towel to dry your hands, Joe walks in holding Callie who you haven’t seen look so happy since the last time Joe was in town. 

“Mommy, Joe’s here!” 

Kids announcing the most obvious things will always be hilarious. “He sure is.” Leaning against the counter, you focus on him. “Hey.” He looks good, but he always looks good. That was always the damn problem.

He takes in you for a second, eyes lingering longer than what’s probably necessary, “hey.” He easily returns his attention back to Callie who can’t seem to stop smiling, which makes you smile. You love seeing her so happy. "I missed you."

"I missed you too!" She glances over at you, partially contrite. “Mommy, I’m gonna play with Joe instead, okay?”

You pretend to be shocked, standing upright and crossing your arms and making a face before laughing, waving her off.

“That’s fine, baby, because I am going to take a nap.” It’s much needed. Your sleep has been kinda shitty lately, and you know yourself well enough to know that exhaustion makes you bitchy. And the last thing you want is to unintentionally take that bitchiness out on her. Even Joe. Walking up to them, you poke him in his stomach. Jesus, he’s ripped. “Help yourself to anything. Just make sure she doesn’t destroy my house, please. And make her clean.”

At that, her face sours, and Joe chuckles.

“You got it.”

Satisfied, you walk back into your room, deciding to close the door. Callie will absolutely welcome herself in if need be. Plopping down on the mattress, you stare up at the ceiling, taking in a deep breath, momentarily stopping yourself from closing your eyes. For a second, you forget that Callie is not alone and unattended, thus preventing you from sleeping.

Call it being an anxious, overprotective parent, you’ve never allowed yourself to nap when it’s just the two of you. Even when she’s asleep, and when you do, you set an alarm to wake you up every ten minutes, just to make sure she’s still knocked out. It makes taking time to rest pretty difficult, if not impossible, but it’s what makes you comfortable.

It’s an easy sacrifice to make for your child.

So having another adult around, her dad, of all people, is a nice feeling. You know she’s safe and watched over. And it’s what allows you to actually fall into a peaceful slumber. 

Just for a little bit.

—-------

It is, in fact, just for a little bit.

Because you’re awoken by your phone ringing, your mom on the other end wondering what time she can expect you and Callie to come over.

Shit. 

You completely forget that you’d agreed to bring Callie to see her as it’d been “too long," according to her. You partially agreed, realizing you haven’t visited your mom since the day everything went down, what with you reaching out to Joe again and that whole fiasco.

And that’s another thing.

Your mother has no idea he’s back in the picture.

Walking out of the room, you find them in the living room, of course, watching Toy Story 2. 

Callie’s eyes light up when she sees you, but that doesn’t pull her from her position, tucked right under Joe’s side on your sofa. If you had your phone, you’d try to snap a picture. 

“That wasn’t long,” he snickers, and you glare, stopping yourself from flipping him off.

You move over to the sofa, sitting on the armrest. “That’s cause my mom called and woke me up.”

“Grandma?”

Nodding, you explain to both Callie and Joe. “I forgot we were supposed to go visit her today.”

She moves up on her knees, asking, “can we go?” She looks over at Joe. “Joe can come with us!”

You consider her suggestion. Your mom didn’t even find out about Joe until you told her you were pregnant. You kept that part of your life a secret from her for good reasons. This doesn’t seem like the best way for her to find out, to drop it on her yet again. However, one look at Callie’s desperate expression, and you already know your answer.

“Of course,” you then add on, “if he wants to.” 

Callie, being Callie, answers for him. “He wants to!” She tugs on his sleeve, excitement bubbling. “You can meet my grandma!”

You glance over at him, “are you sure? I’m sorry, I know this was supposed to be one on one with her….”

He shakes his head, cutting you off. “If she wants to go, let’s go.”

You nod, praying this doesn’t end up being a bad idea.

—-------

“Mama!” You call out, watching Joe shut and lock the door behind him. Seeing that allows you to focus on where the hell your mother is. She usually meets you at the door when she knows you’re coming over. “Where is this woman?”

The car drive was pleasant enough, Callie talking almost the entire time, as expected. And Joe eating it up the whole time, also, as expected. 

You can see now he’s definitely going to be that dad. The dad who finds anything and everything his kid does to be adorable. You can’t wait for him to be on the receiving end of one of Callie’s temper tantrums and see how he handles it. 

“Grandma!” Callie suddenly calls, all the while keeping her hand in Joe’s. “I’m here!”

Finally, the sound of footsteps from upstairs as your mom comes down the stairs, home phone, yes, a home phone, held between her ear and shoulder. “I told her Bishop wasn’t gonna go for that, but you know how she is. Old fool.” It’s when she’s in the vicinity to see that it’s not just you and Callie, her eyes grow wide. “Cheryl, let me call you back.” 

Damn. 

You know that tone, that ‘let me talk to you’ tone. 

Thankfully, you get a brief save. The sight of your mom makes Callie drop Joe’s hand to sprint off to meet her on the steps. “Grandma!”

She leans down to pick up Callie, smothering her with kisses. “My favorite little lady.” 

Callie giggles as your mom descends from the steps, Callie on her hip, to approach you and Joe who’d, wisely, remained quiet up until this point. 

You watch your mom’s eyes land on him, but before she can say anything, Callie jumps in. 

“Grandma, this is Joe! He’s mommy’s friend and mine too!”

Fuck. Your mom’s eyes travel between him and Callie, once, twice, and on the third time, you know. You just know that she knows.

And that’s when you jump in, knowing you desperately need to speak with her. “Callie, why don’t you show Joe the play area?” 

Her eyes blaze with enthusiasm as your mom places her back on the ground. Callie’s little feet carry her back over to Joe who seems to understand you need to talk with your mother.

“Come on!” Taking his hand, she begins to direct him to the back of the house and through the sliding door. 

Your mom waits until she knows the two of you are alone to speak. “Girl, you done got my blood pressure all up.”

“Mama—”

“That’s Callie’s daddy, ain’t it?” She doesn’t even give you time to answer. “Don’t try to lie, either. She looks just like him.”

There’s no need in denying the obvious. “Yes.”

Her mouth drops open in rightful shock. “And just when did you plan to tell me he was back in the picture?” The questions keep coming, understandably so considering how you’ve just dropped this on her. “And why is she calling him by his first name?”

“Because she doesn't know,” you answer the second question, hating the disappointed look on her face. “We–he hasn’t told her yet.” 

“It just keeps getting worse.” She’s rubbing her temple and you just know she’s gonna need to take an Excedrin before the night is over. “Tell me everything. Now.”

And so, you do, starting with Callie’s initial question about her dad, to your phone call with Joe, his visit where he confirmed he had a daughter, all of it. And when you’re done, your mom is visibly shaken.

“Lord, he found out about her through social media?” You still feel badly about that, about a lot of it. “Well….does his wife know?”

You shake your head. “I don’t think so. We haven’t really talked about that yet.” Before your mom can protest, you add, “we will. I’ll make sure of it. He just wants to get to know her first. For himself.”

Your mom chuckles, obviously having studied the close interaction between the two of them in the few minutes she’s been privy to see them engage with one another. “seems like that’s already a done deal.” 

“Yeah,” you smile warmly. “He’s really good with her.”

And it’s the truth, Joe seems to be naturally good with a lot of things, but there’s something so impressive about his ability to interact and connect with Callie. It’s so natural. 

“So, are you two…..”

“No,” you shut that down immediately. “We’re just trying to navigate coparenting.”

Your mom nods but doesn’t say anything, and you know her well enough to know it’s because she doesn’t entirely believe you. But, she won’t push.

“Well.” She claps her hands together, nodding to the backdoor. “Let me go properly introduce myself, since you got me out here looking rude. Probably got that boy thinking I don’t like him.”

“I promise, he’s not like that.” You two start walking toward the backyard where you’re certain Callie is talking a hole in his head, describing the play area your mom put together just for her when she spends the night.

She places her hand on the sliding door but pauses to look at you, “let me just say this though, that is one fine young man. I see now why you had a hard time letting him go. The devil sure knows how to tempt people.”

“Mama!” You try to suppress your laughter as the two of you walk out, sure enough to find Callie on the swing, Joe pushing her as they share their own conversation. 

She walks up to him, wearing a warm smile, giving a wink to Callie. “I’m so sorry about that. My daughter just didn’t tell me you were gonna be here.” 

Joe, forever respectful, starts to indirectly apologize.  “I hope it's not a problem. If so, I can—”

She waves him off, “oh, hush.” She leans in to whisper, “you’re practically family.” He returns her smile as she introduces herself by name, he offers his, and your wonderful mother then informs, “well, this one is gonna help me tend to my garden, cause winter will be here before we know it.” She leans down and kisses the top of Callie’s head, as she’s stopped swinging and is instead sitting. Her eyes light up at the idea of gardening with your mom. The same way you used to garden with your grandma. A bit of a tradition being passed down. “And in the meantime, you two can go finish organizing the office.” 

Your eyes widen. No wonder she didn’t hear you all coming in right away. That room, once your bedroom, became your mom’s storage area and over the years has accumulated stuff on top of stuff. Nowhere near a hoarding level, but just a lot of things that she doesn’t want to part with but needs to organize. “Mama, that's not—”

“I don't want to hear no complaining. You really want me up on that ladder?” You roll your eyes, realizing she’s referring to the top of your old closet where she keeps the storage bins of memorabilia, mostly photos. “I'm not getting any younger. What if I fall? Then you gon feel bad.”

“You're so dramatic.” Your mom acts like she's 75 and at death's door sometimes. The woman is 52 and teaches a Zumba class at the rec center every Saturday. She could fall and jump right back up like nothing happened. 

She places her hand on Joe’s arm, smiling slyly. “You got this strong, handsome man to help you out.” One thing you’ve learned as you’ve gotten older is that your tendency to unintentionally flirt from time to time 100% came from your mother. Clearly. “Besides, if you do fall, you'll be fine. You got enough booty back there to cushion it.”

“Mama!” One glance at Joe, and you see him make a face that reads clearly 'she's not entirely wrong.’ At that, you shove him, not that it does anything. He's solid as a rock. “Fine, we'll organize your mess, but not for long. Joe is only in town until tomorrow night, and he did not come here to be a part of your cleaning crew.”

“I don’t mind,” Joe adds. Of course, he doesn't. He hasn’t seen it yet, and he’s a gentleman. “Whatever you need help with, I’ll do it.”

Your mom gives you another look and then looks at him. “I like you, Joseph.”

Callie lifts her head, adding, “I like him too!”

I like him too.

“Well, get to it. When we’re done, ya’ll can help me fix some dinner.” Her eyes then land on you. “Well, not you. You can make the lemonade or something.”

Joe coughs awkwardly, poorly hiding his laughter. “I’m getting really sick of ya’ll coming for me and my poor cooking skills.”' 

Your mom directs Callie to grab her caddy with their needed gardening supplies. “Baby, you are a lot of things, but a cook ain’t one of them.” She points at Joe, sharing, “remind me to tell you the story about how she almost burned down my house.”

“Okay, we’re gonna go now.” You grab Joe’s hand and lead him back into the house toward the stairs, which he motions for you to go up first, realizing after the fact that he probably did so to stare at your ass. 

This man….

Entering your former bedroom, you stretch your arm to show you just what you signed up for. He walks in, clearly surprised. “Okay.”

“Yup.” There’s items scattered all over, your mom clearly in the middle of trying to categorize the millions of family photos ya’ll have. “Still don’t mind?”

He shrugs forever unbothered. “There’s two of us. We’ll get it done.”

Sucking your teeth, you look around, trying to figure out where the hell to start. “Your optimism is annoying.”

Chuckling, his smartass remarks, “Glass half full, baby. Glass half full.”

“Yeah, yeah, well glass your ass over there and reach me the ladder. I need the box these pictures can go in from the top.” 

He follows where you’re pointing but also gestures to the closet. “That one?” Joe makes a sound and instead of following your directions, casually walks over to said closet, reaches up and grabs the box with all the ease of someone who’s 6’3. 

Smug expression on his face, he hands it to you as you glare. “Show off.”

Joe assesses you, eyes settling on your chest before redirecting them to your face. “Maybe I should have let you get up there. View and all.”

Holding back your smile is difficult, so you settle for biting on your bottom lip and bumping his side as you move past him. “Shut up.” You know his gaze is on you and that should bother you, his flirty comment should bother you, but it doesn’t.

It doesn’t at all.

—-------

“I still can’t believe you were a cheerleader.” 

There’s probably been a decent combination of conversation and organization in your time working together to ‘unmess’ your mom’s mess. That’s not entirely surprising though. Joe has always been immensely easy to talk to, to be around. And you couldn’t deny that you missed this kind of interaction with him, the most and maybe first since he’s re-entered your life. You wholly understand why he spends and devotes most of his time with Callie, but there’s a small part of you that’s missed this. 

Missed it being just the two of you. 

Chuckling, you comment, “you’re not the first. I was….different in high school and college than I am now.”

He’s intrigued, asking, “how?”

“Well, for one, I don’t party damn near every night anymore.” One thing you could never deny about your early days was that you always liked to have a good time, liked to make your expected appearances at whatever party of the week, or day, was happening. “Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t drink or smoke. That was never my thing. I just….I liked to have fun, probably too much fun more often than not.” You chuckle to yourself, grabbing a stack of photos to put in the container. “Now, I like to be in bed by 9:30, 10 at the latest.”

He smiles and looks over at the wall that still has many of your cheer accolades proudly displayed. “Obviously, you were pretty damn good.”

Shrugging, you push some of your hair behind your ear. Not that it does much. Your curls have always been voluminous and wild. “I was, but….it came at a cost to some extent. Cheer is insanely competitive, and I didn’t always handle that the best.”

Competitiveness was something you deeply struggled with when you were younger. Feeling like you had to be the best, not even better than anyone else per se, but the best that you could be. Always trying to prove that you were good enough.

Looking back now, you have a solid guess of where that came from and what drove it. 

Joe’s studying you, trying to gauge your comfort level with this conversation. “Did you like it?”

“I loved it,” you answer, honestly. “Until I didn’t. Shortly before college, I think, is when the love started to fade.”

“But you cheered in college too, didn’t you?”

You nod, explaining, “I got a scholarship for cheer, and I wasn’t about to put that stress on my mom to have her help me figure out how to pay for school when I had an easy ride.” Around that time is when your relationship with your mom started to strengthen, and the last thing you wanted to do was risk messing it back up by being selfish. You’d cheered damn near your whole life, what was another 4 years? 

“I like your mom,” he announces, almost suddenly. It’s unsurprising. Most people do. But, there is something that pleases you about her tentative approval of him and now his of her. 

“She’s really great. I don’t know what I would do without her, and Callie adores her.” You look over at him, playfully. “Not as much as she adores you, though.”

You can see the delight in his eyes. “Yeah?”

His disbelief surprises you. How can he not see how crazy Callie is over him? “Are you kidding me? That lil girl already doesn’t shut up, but she really doesn’t shut up about you. It’s Joe this, Joe that. The first thing she asks me when I pick her up from school is always if she can call you.” Deciding this is a perfect segue, you add on, carefully. “You know….you should tell her. I can promise you, she won’t be upset. She’s gonna be thrilled.”

She already loves you.

You don’t know if it’s too soon to say that, if it’s something you should even say vs let him hear from Callie herself. You just know that there’s probably very little he could do at this point to make Callie not love him. She’s hooked.

“Christmas,” he announces, adding, “I’ll tell her when I come back for Christmas.” 

This surprises you, as he hasn’t discussed his next visit up until this point. You also don’t feel the need to comment or counter his plan and timeline to tell Callie. You can’t think of a better Christmas gift for her. “You got the time off?”

He nods, providing specifics. “I’ll be here the day before Christmas Eve. Gotta fly back out on the 26th though.”

“Stay with us.” Where this comes from, you’re not sure, but there’s not a lot of regret once it's released. “I know you hate that damn hotel, and Callie would be thrilled to have you around 24/7.” Getting up off the floor, you carry the now filled container and move up the ladder you’d used a couple times because he’d been preoccupied organizing other areas. Sliding it back in the same spot, you descend down the steps only to feel strong hands grip your waist. 

Bringing you to the ground, he carefully turns you around, but that’s not what you’re focused on. What you’re focused on is how close he is to you, your chests nearly touching, his eyes burning into you. Instantly, your stomach is knotting. You know that look, know it all too well. 

“Joe….” Your voice is soft, much softer than it needs to be when trying to assert yourself. And you hate yourself for the tiny sigh that leaves your mouth when he brings his palm to your cheek. “We—we can’t—”

“I’m divorced.”

This man, so fine and kind, and damn near pressed against you is distracting, so much so that you’re briefly disconnected from what he’s just said. But, it’s forcing yourself to come back to reality that his words truly hit you. You’re not sure you could have ever guessed that statement would ever leave his mouth. 

Slightly in shock, staring at him with bewilderment, you stammer, “w–what?”

“Two months ago, Jadah and I filed for divorce. It was uncontested, and the state of Florida is one of the quickest when it comes to processing these things.” His other hand moves to your hip, holding you still, as if he knows you want to move away from him. “I got notice it was finalized a few days ago.”

You’re listening, you really are, but hearing is another story. This has to be some type of sick joke, some type of cruel prank ripped directly out the pages of a journal kept and maintained so long ago. Cause you’d absolutely written about this at one point, written about what it would be like if he were to leave his wife. 

You just never could have anticipated it would one day become a reality.

“I—I don’t understand.” Joe only found out about Callie less than a month ago, so there’s no way she was the reason for the split. Still, you have to ask. “Wh–why?”

Something flashes in his eyes. Hurt. “It was long overdue.” He doesn’t say anything beyond that, and while you expected more, you can also see there’s more to the story. More that he’s not saying, but it’s the brief glimpse of pain that prevents you from pushing. Whatever it is, it’s clearly difficult for him to discuss. 

“Oh.” It’s a stupid thing to say, but you’re truly in a state of shock and don’t know what else to say. 

The biggest and only issue that ever existed between yourself and Joe has always been his marriage, the fact that he was already taken. It was the only reason you ever broke it off with him, but now, he’s standing before you, telling you that this is no longer the case.

You’re all of the emotions: confused, nervous, happy, hopeful, and so many more that you can’t even label.

“I didn’t say anything at first, because meeting Callie was my priority. Establishing a relationship with her was a priority. And it still is, but…..” Your eyes shut as he drops his head in the crook of your neck. “I’ve missed you.” Your hands gradually lift to lay against his chest as he sighs into you, ‘I’ve missed everything about you.” Eyes remaining shut, your nails claw gently against him as he moves his mouth over your neck. “The way you smile, the way you laugh.” His hand on your back slowly inches downward. “The way you taste.” Your breath catches as his teeth graze your collarbone. “The way you feel when I’m inside you.”

“Joe,” you breathe, the air suddenly thick, your throat tight. Breathing is incredibly arduous in this moment. “I—”

“Mommy! Joe!”

Joe’s suddenly across the damn room, it seems like, as Callie enters at both the perfect and worst time with a smile, completely oblivious to what she’s just interrupted. “Grandma said come eat!”

Frowning, you glance at the clock and realize it’s most definitely dinner time and that your mom had most likely just had Callie help her prepare the meal instead of asking you two to help.

Huh.

She moves across the room, tackling Joe from the side and craning up her head as she excitedly asks, “Wanna see what I made? Grandma helped me!”

Leaning down to pick her up, he answers, “of course, I wanna see.” He begins to walk out the door as Callie calls out for you to follow behind.

And you will. 

You just need a moment.

Because what the hell just happened?

—-------

I’m divorced.

It keeps playing in your head, on a vicious repeating cycle, like that annoying song the radio plays every 15 minutes, forcing it down your throat.

For almost the entire time you were together, you infrequently allowed yourself to dream about what your life would be like if the circumstances were different, if he wasn’t already taken. If he wasn’t already married. And each time only left you feeling worse than before, because it was stupid. You were three years deep into the situationship; if he hadn’t left his wife by then, he wasn’t leaving her period.

It was a harsh pill that took you forever to swallow.

And even then, you knew that you could never be happy. Not with the knowledge that he’d left his wife for you. It may be bliss initially, but the guilt would have eaten you up and ruined things regardless.

So accepting and telling yourself that it would never work out long-term was what kept your head above water, especially in the two months after you broke things off. And once you learned you were pregnant with Callie, there was a new kind of stress, a new kind of distraction.

Not that it made you forget about him. Hardly.

Every check up, every milestone, every kick, your mind would wander to him. Wander to a fantasy world where you imagined he was with you every step of the way, the two of you preparing together for the arrival of your first child.

Even as the years went on and Callie got older, you still would find yourself from time to time imagining how different things would be if he was around.

Well, now he is. He’s not only around, but he’s going to be actively involved in Callie’s life for the rest of her life.

And he’s now single.

All of this makes for one fucked up emotional rollercoaster ride.

Dinner is an experience, only for you, maybe Joe to some extent. He’s always had a tendency to compartmentalize emotions though, unlike yourself. Granted, if it was a struggle for him, he did a damn good job not showing it. It also probably helped a ton that Callie talked a hole in his and your mom’s head.

You knew your mom could see something was up with you but graciously opted to not ask you any questions. You wouldn’t have any answers to give her anyway. 

And you indicated as much when you were back at your apartment, and Callie in her room gathering her favorite pajamas for bed. 

“I just need time to think.” 

It’s all you can offer him, because it’s the truth. There’s so much more to consider than you could have imagined, and it’s really hard to contemplate when you still have Mariah’s voice oscillating in the back of your mind, your insecurities, and even your mom. 

So many differing perspectives, it’s hard to focus and hear your own.

Thankfully, he accepts that answer, and you accept that you’re running out of different ways to escape confronting your own emotions. 

Maybe.

Because this day has already been exceedingly long, and you’re more emotionally exhausted than anything. So when Callie comes to you complaining of a tummy ache, you administer her Children’s Tylenol, lay with her until she falls asleep, and take advantage of this rare opportunity to turn your brain off and just rest.

The hard shit could wait.

—-------

“Mommy!”

There's a certain tone every person has that's reserved for emergencies, saved for moments when something is wrong. Very, very wrong.

This is one of those moments.

You nearly trip with how quickly you jump out the bed and sprint down the hall to Callie’s room. Hitting the light switch, your stomach drops when you see her.

On her side, in a fetal position, crying profusely. 

Rushing over to her, you see too that she's pale and a hand to her forehead reveals she's burning up. Sheer panic climbs up your body, settling into your stomach and the back of your throat. Still, you do your best to not show her your fear.

“Baby, is it your tummy?” You take a hand to feel her stomach, but she screams out in pain, making you jump from her reaction.

“Mommy, it hurts,” she sobs, and you're instantly moving the blankets off her, already knowing what you need to do. 

Hand on her forehead, you assure, “I’lll be right back, okay?”

You rush back into your room, sliding on the first pair of shoes that you come across. You grab your phone off the nightstand and throw it in your purse, all in under a minute, still too long. And as soon as you're back in her room, you waste no time in lifting her into your arms. 

She winces, so you reassure, “come on, baby. It's okay, you're gonna be okay.”

It's what you're telling yourself, the only thing keeping you from panicking. Unsure and uncaring at this moment if you lock the front door behind you, you carry her down the steps and into the dark of night, carefully but quickly buckling her into her carseat.

Hating to see her continue to cry, to be in pain, you kiss her forehead, “I’m gonna get you some help, okay? We're going to the hospital.”

She can only nod, and your eyes water. Your forever talkative child is rendered speechless by her pain. It crushes you.

Hopping into the driver's seat, you grab your phone, trembling fingers locating the address of the hospital. You hit share and send it to Joe before pressing the call button and tossing your phone into the passenger seat to zoom out of the parking lot.

Your phone is connected to your vehicle, ringing three times before he picks up, voice heavy with sleep. “Hey.”

“I need you to meet me at the hospital. I already sent you the address.” You do your best to remain calm and collected, to not scare Callie more than she's already scared. Even if you’re fucking terrified. “Something is wrong with Calista.”

#roman reigns x black!reader #roman reigns fic #roman reigns #wwe #roman reigns x black!oc #arisnotebook

[halfbloodgf]

Can we talk about the fact that Severus Snape left everyone, both the characters and the readers, like this: 🤡🤡

I mean, no one knew wtf was going on with him. One moment u think he's bad, the next u think he's good. And then u think he's the villain again. But then he gives his memories to Harry and we all realize that he was the fucking hero all along.

In hp1, we think it's Snape who was trying to steal the philosopher's stone, or who tried to knock Harry off his broom. But then comes the end, and we find out that he stopped Harry from falling (saved his life) and was protecting the stone...🤡

We still hated him in hp 2 and 3...

In hp4 Harry suspects that Snape had the Dark Mark, and ends up discovering that he did. There's even the scene that Harry sees: Igor Karkaroff accuses Snape in court in front of the Wizengamot, saying he was a Death Eater, and we're all like😯😃 (finally know the truth!!). But then Dumbledore defends him😐🧍🏻‍♀️, and no one, not Karkaroff, not Harry, not us readers, understand anything. We don't know whether to trust him or not. So, again...🤡

In hp5 everything is confusing with him. We don't know if he wants to help Harry (occlumency lessons) or not. He calls Voldemort "Dark Lord" (only Death Eaters do), we see his worst memory, which, again, leaves us bewildered and not knowing what the hell to think of him now. Harry himself doubts that his father was a good person, even wondering if James didn't force Lily to marry him, and empathizes with Snape. Then the whole thing with the prophecies, and Harry trying to warn Snape about Sirius and his supposed kidnapping. The Order arrives to save Harry and his friends, which suggests that Snape warned them.

But along comes hp and the Half-Blood Prince, Snape appears to be helping Draco Malfoy with what the Lord entrusted him with —The scene where Bellatrix accuses him, tells him that she doesn't trust him, and then she is surprised:

In the books:

[...]Do you really think that the Dark Lord has not asked me each and every one of those questions? And do you really think that, had I not been able to give satisfactory answers, I would be sitting here talking to you?”

She hesitated. “I know he believes you, but…”

“You think he is mistaken? Or that I have somehow hoodwinked him? Fooled the Dark Lord, the greatest wizard, the most accomplished Legilimens the world has ever seen?”

[...]

“And through all this we are supposed to believe Dumbledore has never suspected you?” asked Bellatrix. “He has no idea of your true allegiance, he trusts you implicitly still?”

“I have played my part well,” said Snape.

In the movies:

The line where he says “Dumbledore is a great wizard”, Snape is actually being smug and subtly saying he’s such a good actor (I mean, come on, the man deserves a fucking Oscar), he’s managed to deceive Voldemort so well that he has revealed his grand plan to him. He practically seems to be laughing at the double meaning of his own words, mocking and lying to the black sister's faces like the fucking boss he is. The way he's literally drinking a glass of wine while laughing at the Dark Lord. The whole scene is just excellent.

So at the end of hp6, Snape reveals to us that he was the half-blood prince for whom the fucking book is named, ends up murdering none other than ALBUS DUMBLEDORE, and we all learn that all this time his true loyalties were with the dark side...🤡

Oh no, wait! Hp7 arrives, Voldemort kills Snape :0 (Yes!), gives his memories to Harry, and Harry sees his memories and... (NOO😦😨😰😭💔💀). We found out he wasn't the bad guy. That, in fact, he was IN LOVE WITH HARRY'S MOM —"always" still hurts :')— That all this time he was our ally...🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

He practically played with all of us, with LORD VOLDEMORT, the Death Eaters, the Order of the Phoenix, Harry... well, WITH EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WIZARDING WORLD. And he did it as if he were:

Harry fucking Potter named one of his sons after him, which must have made a lot of people roll in their graves (James and Sirius out of anger, Snape out of laughter).

This mf literally woke up one day and said: "okay, here begins my reputation era bitches.😎 Let's leave a few of them looking like🤡🤡"

PD: Sorry if something is written wrong, english is not my language.

#severus snape #snape love #harry potter #professor snape #pro snape #snape

[sineala]

Hi there. I just got interested in 616 Steve and Clint dynamic recently, and I wonder if you can recommend some titles highliting their relationship? Thank you. 🥰

Steve & Clint's friendship is seriously one of my favorite things about Avengers comics. We start out with Clint annoying the fuck out of Steve, and over a period of years we evolve to Clint continuing to annoy the fuck out of Steve except they care deeply about each other now. Clint learned how to be a leader from Steve, is extremely, extremely loyal, and will defend Steve in basically any circumstance. This is not to say that they don't disagree, because man do they ever disagree. But they're good friends. I think Steve likes having friends who aren't afraid to disagree with him.

(I didn't know until I read Young Avengers v1 for the first time last week that Kate became Hawkeye while Clint was dead, because Steve gave her the name, because he was impressed by how she stood up to him. You might have thought Clint would have given her the name after he came back to life, but no. Whoever annoys Steve the most gets to be Hawkeye. Apparently that's the rule. What's really funny is that Steve also does this again to someone else in the current miniseries Avengers Twilight, for the same reason. Who gives him the most shit? You're Hawkeye now! It's great.)

So! A list of Fun Comics About Steve And Clint!

The obvious starting place is the Kooky Quartet era of the Avengers. This begins in Avengers #16 when Clint joins the team. For those of you who don't have this issue memorized, in Avengers #16 Steve is off fighting villains by himself in another country, when the rest of the founding Avengers decide they need a break. So Steve finds out when he gets back that they're all leaving, that he's the new leader, and that his new teammates are Quicksilver, the Scarlet Witch, and Hawkeye, none of whom he knows, all of whom are former criminals and/or villains. I don't know when the Kooky Quartet era officially ends, but I can tell you that the team mostly contains Pietro and Wanda until #47, so I suppose that's the end of the Quartet. I read up to #35 relatively recently so I can tell you there's good Steve & Clint stuff up to at least that far, and probably farther. You get to see their relationship evolve into them deciding that maybe they actually like each other.

There are also a lot of retellings of early canon (and newer stories set in the past) that will give you glimpses of the Kooky Quartet era with a more modern sensibility. The thing I'm thinking of here is Avengers #1.1 to #4.1 by Mark Waid, which was a miniseries released in 2017 as part of Mark Waid's Avengers v7. I think the wiki lists it under v7; it was released in trade with the title Avengers Four, which isn't confusing at all. Anyway, it's all Kooky Quartet and it's great. You know how Waid's Man Out of Time series kind of rewrites and expands Avengers #4 to tell a new story? This is like that but for Avengers #16.

You might also consider series that are entirely early-canon retellings like Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes (the miniseries, not the cartoon); I know that definitely goes up to the Quartet and beyond. There are two volumes of this series.

I unfortunately can't tell you what happens in most of v1 off the top of my head, but I can give you a list of Avengers v1 issues in which both Steve and Clint are on the team, because I have a big list of team rosters. After Avengers #62, Clint changes his codename to Goliath for a bit, but he's still there until #111 (mostly with Steve also on the team), then #142-147, then #172-177, then #181-182, then #221-232. This takes you up to the mid-1980s. After that, except for a few scattered issues, Clint and Steve aren't both on the Avengers again until volume 3, in 1998. (You will note that this is also true of Steve and Tony, and in fact it's for the exact same reason -- both Clint and Tony are on the West Coast Avengers, in California, for pretty much the rest of v1. Clint's other Avengers v1 appearances are #305, #309, #313, #397-401. So it's not a lot there.)

But, don't worry, Clint also has several cameo appearances in Captain America v1. Unlike Avengers, I don't have a handy list of these, so you can probably just go through Clint's appearances list on the Marvel wiki and see which ones are in Cap comics. I can tell you the three that stick with me, though! Two of them are Cap #316 and #317, where Clint and Bobbi come back to New York for a visit, and Steve and Bernie break up so that Bernie can go to law school in Wisconsin, and Bernie throws a party on her last night there that Steve is supposed to attend, except Steve fucks off to go superheroing with Clint. They talk about their love lives and Clint gets to use Steve's shield and Steve gets to use Clint's bow. Steve gets back to find out that he has entirely missed the party and Bernie has finally left him. Can't imagine why.

My other pick is Cap #401, which if you are a Steve/Tony fan you will know is the issue after Operation Galactic Storm where Tony finds Steve in a bar to apologize for everything he's ever done. But the reason Steve is in the bar in the first place is that Clint got sick of Steve sulking and came and jumped on his bed until Steve gave in and went out for a drink with Clint.

Clint does then of course make him talk about his feelings. It's a very sweet interlude of Clint cheering Steve up in his own unique way.

Volume 3 is the next time Steve and Clint are together on the Avengers since Clint left for the West Coast -- and, I mean, it's a good read anyway. This is when I set the one Steve/Clint fic I actually wrote, so here we see my biases. Clint starts out on the team right in Avengers v3 #1, and he stays there until #10, which is when he leaves to lead the Thunderbolts. (Note to self: read Thunderbolts.) You'd think at this point that Clint wouldn't be back with Avengers for a while, but he immediately comes back in #12 and brings his new Thunderbolts and gets into a fight with Steve about whether the T-Bolts can be trusted. Clint later pays the team another visit in the Avengers/Thunderbolts crossover "The Nefaria Protocols" (Avengers v3 #32-34, Thunderbolts v1 #43-44 -- but, you know, in more of an interspersed order) which is a lot of fun and I'm not just saying that because I have a 160,000-word Steve/Tony WIP that is set during it. Anyway. Kurt Busiek started out writing both Avengers and Thunderbolts in this era of canon, but by the time this crossover happened, Fabian Nicieza had taken over Thunderbolts.

There is also a second Avengers/Thunderbolts crossover during this timeframe, the 2004 miniseries Avengers/Thunderbolts #1-6, by Busiek and Nicieza. I haven't actually read it because I wanted to read more Thunderbolts first, but I can tell you it does have both Clint and Steve in it, although it's set after Clint has stopped leading the T-Bolts and has returned to the Avengers.

Yes, Clint does actually rejoin the Avengers proper toward the end of v3 -- he's there from #75 right up to #503 (it renumbered to #500 after #84), although I suspect that that's when he actually dies, because that's Avengers Disassembled. The only Steve & Clint interaction in that time period that really sticks in my mind is Avengers v3 #77, in which Clint takes it upon himself to give Steve some romantic advice that Steve definitely isn't asking for.

(If you've seen any of this issue at all, it's probably an out-of-context panel of Steve telling Clint he didn't say he wanted a woman.)

Once again, Clint also makes some cameos in Steve's comics, in Captain America v3. The one that's memorable to me is in the Capmania arc of Cap v3, which is the very first arc, #1-7. The TPB version of this appears to be called To Serve and Protect. Mostly I remember Clint giving Steve shit about Captain America's new, massive popularity (which turns out to be an evil Skrull plan).

So after Avengers Disassembled, Clint is dead until after Civil War, at which point Steve is also dead, so they're, uh, not interacting much. However, even though Steve is dead, you probably want to read Fallen Son (specifically #3), which is the issue where Tony learns that Clint is alive again and then immediately tries to get him to be Captain America because Tony only has the best and healthiest coping mechanisms when Steve is dead. Clint tries out the shield and uniform and then basically tells Tony to go fuck himself. So that's a no from him. While he's running around dressed as Captain America is also when he meets Kate for the first time and finds out that she's Hawkeye. Everyone is very angsty about everything because that's just what Civil War comics are like.

(I guess I should have known after reading this comic how Kate got her name, but, as I said. I hadn't read Young Avengers until last week, so everything the Young Avengers did in this comic didn't really register.)

The next time Steve and Clint are both alive at the same time is Avengers v4. Clint is on the team for the whole run (#1-34). Technically Steve is Commander Rogers of the Secret Avengers up until after Fear Itself, so he doesn't actually rejoin the team until #18, but he spends a lot of the first half of the run hanging around the Avengers anyway for some reason (it's because he's deeply weird about Tony). So you might as well start from the beginning because Steve's there a lot despite technically not being on the team. I can't say that Steve and Clint have any memorable moments in v4 that are coming to mind right now, but they are both there and it's a reasonably fun run.

Speaking of the Secret Avengers, Steve runs the Secret Avengers until #21. Clint runs them from #22 onward (Steve stays for the first couple issues of Clint's tenure, #22 and #23). Don't ask me how Clint can lead the Secret Avengers and be on the regular Avengers at the same time when Steve apparently can't do this, but this seems to be a thing Clint can do. It's probably because Clint's not weird about Tony. Anyway, the issue you actually want to read is Secret Avengers #21.1, where Steve actually hands the Secret Avengers over to Clint and they do some superheroing together, just like old times.

Clint was on the Avengers during Hickman's run, as was Steve, because pretty much everyone was on Hickman's Avengers at some point (seriously, have you seen those team rosters?) but I don't know that Clint and Steve had any really good moments. There was that bit in one of the Original Sin tie-ins (#30) where Future Clint told Steve he should kill Tony but I don't think that was a very good moment. I'm not sure that Steve and Clint have been on a team together since then because I honestly don't think Clint's been on the main team since then, though they've both shown up in events and so on. I guess you could read Avengers Millennium. That had both of them and it had some fun moments for them, by which I mean that one panel where Clint watches Steve punch out a lion.

In terms of Clint's cameo appearances in Cap comics of this era, I know Clint's been in Brubaker's run, although the only moment with Steve I can honestly remember is when he gets mad at Steve for not telling him Bucky was the Winter Soldier, in the Trial arc. And -- not by Brubaker but at the same approximate time -- there's a Captain America & Hawkeye series (#629-632).

It's part of the same series of Cap team-ups that includes One Night In Madripoor (Captain America & Iron Man #633-635), and in fact these are the issues that are right before One Night in Madripoor.

It's fun. Steve gets turned into a dinosaur.

So you might wonder at this point whether Steve appears in any of Clint's solo comics, and sadly I can't really answer that because I haven't read a lot of Clint's solo comics and the ones I did read didn't have a whole lot of Steve that I remember. Mostly I've read Fraction and some of the really early Hawkeye minis. @blossomsinthemist recommends the miniseries Hawkeye: Blindspot (2011), which I have not read but which does have Clint and Steve on the cover, which seems promising in terms of its potential to contain both Steve and Clint.

I looked at the beginning and it appears to be set in early Avengers v4. You see what I mean about Steve just hanging around the team. This is apparently following on from the events of the 2011 miniseries Widowmaker, and it's about Clint going blind. All the angst.

There are probably more Hawkeye solo comics that feature Steve but I don't know what they are.

To recap, in list form, vaguely ordered by Avengers comics in an era and then Cap comics in the same era:

Kooky Quartet: Avengers v1 #16-47

Avengers Four (Avengers v7 #1.1-4.1)

Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes v1 & v2

Avengers v1 #48-111, #142-147, #172-177, #181-182, #221-232, #305, #309, #313, #397-401

Captain America v1 #316-317

Captain America v1 #401

Avengers v3 #1-10, #12

The Nefaria Protocols: Avengers v3 #32-34, Thunderbolts v1 #43-44

Avengers/Thunderbolts (2004) #1-6

Avengers v3 #75-503 (esp. #77)

Captain America v3 #1-7

Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America #3

Avengers v4 #18-34

Secret Avengers v1 #21.1 (and #22 and #23 if you want)

Avengers: Millennium #1-6

Captain America & Hawkeye #629-632

Hawkeye: Blindspot #1-4

I hope that gives you someplace to get started!

#replies #alice1939

[takerfoxx]

Okay, finished up season 1 of Chaos Theory. And as you might imagine, I have THOUGHTS!

Non-spoiler review: it's really good.

Spoiler review...

Damn.

Like, this was actually great. Sure, I clown on the Jurassic World movies for being shit and have done so for nearly a decade now, but if this is the sort of content that spins off from them, then by all means, keep making those shitty movies. Of course it's not perfect, there's things to nitpick, but that's true of just about everything.

Okay, lots to talk about, so let's go into things bit by bit. Starting with...

Brooklynn!

Yeah, of course she's not dead. Like, did anyone honestly think that there was the slightest possibility that they would actually kill off one of the campers like that? As soon as I heard "Brooklynn's dead," my thought was, "Lol, no she isn't. She'll be dramatically revealed to be still alive in the final scene." And wouldn't just know it!

Still, there is a lot to discuss with her. We all know that she isn't really working for Mantah Corp or the Broker (more on them later), and is probably doing her investigative journalist thing to try to bring down the dino black market thing from inside, and was prodding Daniel Kon for information, and all that jazz. I imagine that this will get expanded on in the next season. However, I didn't see her losing a hand coming. So, she didn't deliberately fake her death. I guess she barely got away after the Allosaur or maybe the raptors bit her hand off and Ronnie found her and rescued her, and now she's in hiding.

However, just because she's not dead doesn't mean that she didn't die. And by that I mean her friends (and I presume family) all genuinely believe that she really did die, and have had to deal with the grief and trauma and try to process it in their own ways.

And honestly, that's what I loved the most about this season, how frankly and maturely it tackles the topic of grief and trauma. It's clear that everyone was deeply affected by losing Brooklynn, and I love how seriously this show takes things.

Darius.

Starting with our man, Darius is very much not okay. Well, none of them are, but he's definitely taking the atoner route to dealing with his grief. He feels immense guilt for not being there for her and blames himself for her death, so he quits his job and throws himself into hunting down the Allosaur as a way of redemption. He doesn't talk to his family unless they actually manage to get him on the phone, he doesn't talk to the other campers, but he does call Brooklynn's cell phone on the regular just to hear her voice as a way of coping. Like, usually the leader-type main character is supposed to be the one with his shit together, so I love that the show allowed him to be shown in such a vulnerable state.

Ben

Goddamn, Big Ben is right. Talk about the shooting up like a fucking palm tree.

Anyway, it's fitting that the boy who was raised to fear everything would transfer fall deep into paranoia and conspiracy theories as his own way of coping. Like, sure, he overcame the fears he had at the start of Camp Cretaceous, but that sort of ingrained behavior doesn't go away. And sure, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they aren't out to get you, and he is right, but the show also take time to show that it is still an unhealthy way of coping, with him jumping at shadows and being convinced that everyone is in on the conspiracy, even going so far as to suspect Sammy.

As for the girlfriend in Europe thing, this might be just a set-up for a joke where she get revealed as being real (maybe the ship will take them to her or something), but a lot of people are justifiably calling bullshit (notice that we never get any details about her?), and, like in the last show, suspecting that he's actually gay. And yeah, I definitely see it too, and wouldn't be surprised. That being said, part of me is actually kind of, sort of hoping that we get Ace Ben instead.

Look, as someone on the aro-spectrum (not exactly ace, but it is related) and has sarcastically made up girlfriends in the past just to get my family to get off of my back, it would be nice to have some more characters like that, though I do see how that would be harder to portray than someone who's gay.

Okay, moving on.

Kenji

It's funny that a character that I was actively hoping would get eaten when I first started Camp Cretaceous because of what an annoying douche he was has now evolved into my favorite. Hmmm, someone with father issues who struggles with resentment and feelings of betrayal. I wonder why I empathize?

It's obvious that despite breaking free from Daniel, Kenji still feels the need to prove himself to him, even in a negative way, hence the whole rock climbing business. And honestly, I don't blame him for being mad at Darius. And you know what? I'm so glad that the show made it so he was the one who broke up with Brooklynn and not the other way around. Teen dramas like this usually have one character who's the designated "wrong one" who has to learn the lesson over and over again, and given that he started off as an arrogant jerk who needed to be humbled, it would have been easy to lock him in that roll, but no, he was allowed to fully mature and become sort of the moral voice of the group, with Brooklynn being the one who let him down. Granted, she was probably preoccupied with her dino smuggling investigation, but even so, I'm glad that they didn't do the lazy thing and have Kenji be the one who's always wrong.

And dear God, that scene after Daniel's death where he just breaks down on the side of the road? Magnificent. In...a really tragic sort of way. Like, what a naked expression of grief. He knew that his father was a terrible person who he tried so hard to escape from, but that didn't change the fact that it was his father, who he spent his entire childhood looking up to!

Now, about the love triangle thing between him, Darius, and Brooklynn, I admit I'm not too hot on that, mainly because I hate love triangles. But it does sort of make sense for Darius to develop feelings for Brooklynn, and she and Kenji had been broken up already, and it's an interesting take to have the person that the other two desire actually be "dead" already, so instead of them competing over her, it's more about these two friends who fell apart coming to terms with their very complicated feelings regarding her and each other. It's a fresh take on a tired cliche.

Sammy

If Darius is guilt-ridden, Ben paranoid, and Kenji resentful, Sammy is in straight-up denial, relying on toxic positivity and endless distractions to keep herself from falling apart. Her abandonment issues are in full force, not only with Brooklynn's death, but also growing apart from Yaz and not knowing why, and I also noted that her parents are nowhere to be seen. It may be nothing, but a queer girl in rural Texas? You kind of know how that tends to go. She is someone who will go to great, sometimes morally ambiguous lengths to keep her family together, but now it's falling apart around her, and she feels helpless to do anything about it.

Yazmina

Leave it to Yaz to be the one to say, "Hey, I'm heavily traumatized! I'm going to get therapy!" And you know what? Another thing I really like about this show is that it goes more into depth on what the world would be like if dinosaurs are suddenly on the loose everywhere, even more than Dominion did. Like, there's one blocking a gas station. There's a shitty Tiger King tourist trap with poorly taken care of dinosaurs. And there's a therapy compound for people traumatized by dinosaurs.

And Yaz, someone who really struggles with fear and self-esteem, is not only there for her own sake, but also working on projects to help others with the hologram thingie. I guess her injuries on the island meant that running wasn't really feasible anymore, so she found a new calling.

As for her and Sammy, okay, I am so glad that they didn't drag out the issues between them and instead got the fight out early. And I love how it was handled. Like, neither of them were really the bad guy or the innocent one, they both made mistakes but had understandable reasons for making them. Like, Sammy can be a bit...much, and after losing Brooklynn, it makes sense that she would get really clingy and smothering, which Yasmina did not need. But by the same token, she did sort of cut Sammy out of her life and left her to spiral. It's a very human approach to them having relationship problems.

Bumpy

Okay, just putting this here because Bumpy is best girl, and she now is a mother. Lol. We're definitely getting baby Speckles in a season or two. But do my eyes deceive me, or was Speckles one of the eggs that Jensen had?

The Atricoraptor Handler

Okay, I really want to talk about her, because, my queen!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's meant to be creepy and threatening. Uncanny valley, never blinks, never speaks above a whisper, heartless killer, I get it. She's a bad guy.

I still love her.

Why? Well, I know it's not exactly a deliberate or positive take, but they kind of, sort of ended up with an autistic-coded character who loves raptors. I can't help but connect.

But yeah, most of show, I was scared of her like everyone else. She's just so...off, and so intimidating. But then we get to that last scene, when she's about to sic her raptors on the campers again, only to notice how injured and fatigued they are, and instead decides to call off the attack for their sake (the raptors, I mean. Not the campers), and even comforts the one closest to her. And that's when she won me over.

Look, as much as I love JP, it really rankles me how the raptors always seem to become disposable mooks. I love raptors, and feel that they deserve more. Like, does no one remember the raptor nest scene from the original book? All the other dinosaurs often get sympathetic portrayals, even the carnivores, so why are raptors, which canonically are intelligent creatures with complex family units, often just end up as serial killers with claws to be exterminated? As much as I bash the JW movies, the one thing I do love is Blue, and even she had her siblings all wiped out!

So, throughout the finale, I knew the campers would be okay, but I kept saying, "Don't kill the raptors. You're gonna kill the raptors, aren't you? Please don't kill the raptors." And then it looked like the Rex did kill them, and I rolled my eyes. Here we go again.

But then they turn up alive and the Handler just shows them that sort of affection? My QUEEN! Yes!

Yes, I know she's still evil, but no one else is doing it!

Now, is she a raptor/dinosaur hybrid? A robot? Just sort of like that? I'm hoping that she's just a weird human who raises raptors, but a human/dinosaur hybrid has nearly popped up in the scripts, and human clones are canon, so who knows?

The Broker

Let's face it: the Broker is probably either Dodgson or someone who works for him. We finally got him in the final season of Camp Cretaceous, and since this show takes place right before Dominion, it makes sense that BioSyn would be behind everything. It's the only established character that makes sense.

Though, hey, wouldn't it be crazy if it ended up being Ian Malcolm as part of his cover? Ain't gonna happen, of course. But it would be really funny.

So yeah, really good show, ranks up there on the list of my favorite JP things, can't wait for the next season.

#jurassic park #jurassic world #camp cretaceous #chaos theory #darius bowman #ben pincus #kenji kon #sammy gutierrez #yasmina fadoula #brooklynn #atrociraptor handler #review #chaos theory spoilers

[ruinsofcrysis]

Fall From Grace - Lucifer x Fallen Angel! Reader - Ch. 4: "We Can Be A Family Again."

The next day everyone at the hotel made their way down to the news station. Alastor and Lucifer both wasted no time threatening Katie. After hearing about everything that happened last time, it really wasn’t that surprising that she’d not want us there. Regardless, she gave in to Lucifer’s commands.

“Are the two of you ready to do this?” I asked, turning my attention towards Emily and Sir Pentious.

“Yes!” Emily beamed. “We got this.”

“Indeed!” He replied, sounding a little nervous.

“Hello, citizens of Hell,” Emily stood at the desk, Katie looking rather unenthused. “My name is Emily. I’m a Seraphim Angel from Heaven.”

Charlie bit down on her lip, eyeing Emily and Sir Pentious nervously. I placed a hand on her shoulder, assuring her that the two of them would be okay.

“I know you all don’t…have a good impression with Angels after everything…” Emily laughed nervously. “But I can assure you we’re not all like that. I, just like a majority of Heaven, had no idea what was going on behind the scenes. I’m disgusted by what the exorcists have done, and I’d like to show you all that it’s possible to make it out of this place and have a better afterlife.”

Emily placed a hand on Sir Pentious’ shoulder, pushing him forward just a bit. The snake Angel raised his hand slowly, nervously waving at the camera.

“Hello…”

“Here before you is the first ever redeemed sinner! Sir Pentious!” Emily beamed, a smile upon her face.

When she said that, the crowd remained rather quiet. They didn’t seem to show all that much interest. I noticed that Emily had froze; she seemed like she wasn’t sure what to do next. I’m sure she expected them to have more of a reaction than that.

“Come on everyone…” I muttered under my breath. “Listen…”

“You really think we can trust you after what’s been going on down here for years?” A demon from the audience yelled.

“This is dumb!” Another yelled.

“You see,” Emily began, forcing a wider smile, “He’s changed form. The proof is right here, see? Ahahaha…”

“Well the loser became a prissy Angel, who cares?” Another demon said, laughing loudly.

“Who’d want to come to a place like that anyway?” Yet another demon chimed in.

A sigh escaped my lips. I know that Emily probably wanted to do this on her own, but the least I could do is support her in this. Even though I hadn’t been down here in Hell for long, I did have more of an idea of what they were actually like than Emily did. This was the first time in her life that she had been to Hell.

“Everyone, as a former Angel myself… I too was disgusted by the actions of those above. That’s how I ended up down here. I understand why you’d all be skeptical.” I said, stepping onto the set and taking a stand next to Emily.

“Y/N…” Emily trailed off, stunned.

“But we all want to work towards making Heaven and Hell a better place for everyone,” I said. “That’s why we’re asking that you give Charlie’s hotel a shot. If it’s not for you, you may leave at any time. We all believe in you, especially Charlie. We want to make sure no demons have to suffer ever again.”

I reached my hand out to Charlie who was just behind the camera. She took it without hesitation, and I pulled her onto the set with us.

“Charlie and her friends showed true courage during the last extermination; they proved that us demons are strong and we can achieve anything; especially Sir Pentious. You can sit there and call him a loser all you want, but at the end of the day he’s achieved something none of you ever have.” A smirk made its way onto my lips. “You’re going to let a so-called loser outdo you?”

“All of you are welcome to check into the Hazbin Hotel at any time,” Charlie said, a bright smile upon her face.

As soon as those words left her lips, a bright beam shot through the ceiling. On instinct, I pushed Charlie out of the way, the light gashing through my side. Charlie fell safely into Vaggie’s arms.

“Y/N!” Lucifer called out, sprinting towards me.

I could hear the vibrations of the building, and took notice of debris beginning to fall; the building was going to come down.

I went to take a step, but stopped in my tracks when I took notice of the pain in my side. I looked down, noticing a yellow liquid dripping down my side. I bit down on my lip, taking a deep breath.

“Y/N, we gotta go,” Angel said, throwing one of my arms over his shoulder. As he did that, Lucifer did the same on the other side.

All of us fled the building rather quickly, not wasting any time for sightseeing. Despite what had just happened at the station, everything outside seemed normal. I began to feel rather dizzy, but I did my very best to hold on; I refused to black out.

Soon enough, we made it back to the hotel. Lucifer and Angel placed me down onto the sofa in the lobby. All of the hotel residents hovered around me, looks of concern on their faces.

“Are you alright?” Lucifer asked me, applying pressure to the wound on my side.

“…I’m fine,” I replied. “I’m just… a little tired.”

“Y/N…you…” Charlie sniffed, on her knees in front of me.

“Thank you,” Vaggie said.

“I’m so glad you’re alright,” Emily said, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “It’s still so new to me that….that Angels can even be hurt, so I never imagined this would…”

“Don’t worry,” I said softly, showing her a reassuring smile. “Though I’m not exactly an Angel anymore…”

Suddenly, we all heard loud static coming from the television that was across the room. It began to flicker vigorously, until eventually coming to a clean picture. On the screen before us was a woman with bright, blonde hair and an overall striking appearance. She seemed to be sitting in some sort of empty studio. Where was she?

“That little news segment was just preposterous, if you ask me. Demons like us don’t belong up there with all their rules.”

“…Mom?” Charlie muttered under her breath.

“Look what you have down here,” the woman said rather calmly. “Freewill to do whatever you want. Do you want to lose all that?”

“…No way.” Lucifer said. As he said this, I could physically feel him applying even more pressure to my side; it was really hurting, but I remained silent.

“I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me, but just know I’ve been watching for a long time,” she said. “Charlie proved that we can fight back against Heaven, didn’t she? What’s the point in going up there when we’re no longer helpless down here, hm?”

I looked over towards Charlie, who was eyeing the television intently, a small smile upon her face. Then, I turned my attention towards Lucifer. My eyes met his, then he immediately looked away and removed his hands from my wound. I continued to bleed, so I moved my hands to apply the pressure myself. My face fell, a pit forming in my stomach. I swallowed roughly, turning my attention back towards the television.

“Think about it a bit. The hotel idea is silly, you’d all be better off buying yourself some weapons in case the Angels strike again. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision, my subjects. I’ll be seeing you all soon.”

And with that, the screen went black. I looked towards Charlie and the others. While the others mostly just seemed confused or surprised, Charlie seemed rather excited.

“Dad, she’s here,” Charlie began, stuttering from excitement. “I-it’s been so long I…can’t believe it!”

“Charlie…” He trailed off, his eyes still on the ground.

“Dad, she’s finally come home,” she replied, taking a stand. “I-I don’t know where she is, but this means she’s close. We can be a family again!”

When she said those words, I felt my jaw drop. Lucifer had said that he and his wife had grown apart, so Charlie’s reaction seemed rather unreasonable; surely she knew this? Or perhaps she was more naive and hopeful than I originally thought?

“Charlie stop it, that’s enough!” he spat, causing Charlie’s smile to vanish in an instant. “We’re not discussing this.”

“…Dad.”

Lucifer quickly began walking towards the stairs. Everyone watched as he walked away, not uttering another word until he had vanished entirely.

“I know it’s been a long time since you’ve seen your mom,” Vaggie spoke up, grabbing onto Charlie’s arm. “But didn’t you hear what she just said?”

“Yeah, w-well,” Charlie stammered, “I was able to change dad’s mind, right?”

“But your dad didn’t outright blast you like that, did he?” Angel spoke up, throwing his hands into the air. “It sounded like she was mocking you or something.”

“I-I’m sure she didn’t mean to do that,” Charlie said. “Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding.”

“Your dad seemed really upset,” I said softly, looking towards Charlie and the others as I hesitantly sat up, wincing a bit.

“Well, he and mom weren’t on the best terms before she left, ”Charlie admitted. “But it can be fixed. Right, Y/N?”

“…Mmhm,” I muttered under my breath, unsure of how to respond. My eyes then met the floor.

Something about her words made me feel uneasy. I knew that Charlie wanted to fix her relationship with her mom and her dad, which was fine, but I didn’t see her fixing her mom and dad’s relationship. Perhaps I was being selfish in thinking so?

I found myself thinking that Lucifer and I’s relationship would be different with his wife around. Until now, I hadn’t really realized how close the two of us had become over the course of just a few weeks. Was I ready to give that up?

“WAIT!” Charlie exclaimed. “I’m so so sorry, you still need medical help and here I am worried about my mom…”

“Hold on, I got this,” Cherri said, making her way towards me. “Come with me and I’ll get you patched up, alright? Then you can get some rest.”

“Thank you,” I replied softly, allowing Cherri to help me walk.

Cherri took me to the bathroom, helping me get my wound cleaned up and bandaged. For a party girl, she was surprisingly gentle and good and seemed good at treating wounds. Though I had grown to be friends with Cherri over the past few weeks, we mostly just played games and did a bit of partying.

“How do you know how to do all this?”

“I get myself fucked up all the time, what do you expect?” Cherri said, laughing. “At least now it can actually come in handy.”

After Cherri helped me get fixed up, I made my way to my room to rest. I sat in my bed for a little while, blankly staring at the ceiling. After all that had transpired, I wasn’t really sure how to feel. The only word I could think of was…empty.

“Y/N,” A familiar voice called behind my door. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re injured and I have to leave tomorrow,” Emily said, entering the room. “I don’t really know what else to do after what happened today.”

I sat up in the bed, my eyes finally meeting hers. Emily gave me a small smile, but the frown upon my face remained intact.

“It’s…fine,” I replied, my voice low and blunt. “They have undeniable proof. If they choose to ignore it, that's their problem.”

“What’s wrong?”

She walked closer to the bed, her eyes never leaving mine. I simply stared back, my expression not faltering.

“I got slashed, Emily,” I replied bluntly.

“No, there’s more to it than that,” she said in a matter of fact tone.

“Charlie wants to fix her family,” I replied with a sigh, pausing for a moment. “But I don’t know if I can help her with this. I guess you can say that’s the new thing bothering me… along with everything else that happened today.”

“Charlie told me about how her mom went missing seven years ago,” Emily said. “She also told me about how they had separated before then.”

“Lucifer told me about it briefly.”

“How would you feel if they got back together?” Emily asked rather suddenly, causing my eyes to widen.

This was a subject I had only really thought about just before heading off with Cherri. It was something I refrained from thinking about because it made me feel uneasy, bad, and cold… maybe the best word to describe it was scared?

“Scared…of losing him,” I replied softly, my eyes widening a bit at my own words.

“Y/N?” Emily said, sounding a bit surprised.

“The way he turned away from me when he saw her made my stomach hurt….” I trailed off. “I’ve never felt that way before, so I…Oh god..”

It was at that moment that I realized what Emily had said before was true. Surely, I felt something more for him than I had originally thought? I had plenty of friends at the hotel, but I didn’t click with them in the same way that I did with him. They didn’t make me smile in the same way that he did either.

“It’s okay to feel that way, Y/N.”

“It doesn’t feel like it is,” I said. “What would Charlie think?” I looked down, clutching the blankets tightly. “I don’t want to ruin her family…”

“She’s been gone for seven years… that alone says a lot about her mother in my opinion.” Emily said. “I think she already considers you a part of her family.”

“I…”

“Y/N?” I heard a voice sound behind my door, followed by a knock. “Can I talk to you?”

“Hello,” Emily said, opening the door to reveal Lucifer. “I was just about to leave anyway. She’s all yours.”

My eyes wandered to the other side of the room, trying to look at Lucifer. His hat was bent down slightly, covering his eyes.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m not interrupting, am I?”

“No, no,” she laughed. “Good luck, Y/N.”

After Emily left the room, Lucifer remained rather quiet. He avoided eye contact with me, which made it feel even more awkward. He quietly made his way over to the bed, sitting on the end of it facing away from me.

“What is it, Lucifer?” I quietly spoke, feeling unsure of my words.

I had just come to terms with the fact that I felt something more for this man, then merely moments later he was sitting on the other end of my bed, avoiding eye contact. My chest felt rather tight, and I could feel my heart racing as I awaited his reply.

“Thank you for saving my daughter,” he finally said, his voice rather low. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to say that to you earlier. I was a bit…not myself I think.”

“It’s okay,” I said, feeling unsure of what else to say in the situation.

“No, you don’t understand, Y/N,” he said bluntly, his voice louder than before, catching me off guard. “This wasn’t some coincidence. That Heavenly light was meant to hit Charlie, and it happened right before that broadcast…” He stopped for a moment, his voice becoming softer as he continued. “I didn’t want to believe it, but I just can’t think of any other explanation.”

“She… wouldn’t, would she?” I asked in disbelief, my eyes staring at the back of his form, trying to imagine the expression upon his face.

“I want to say she wouldn’t…” he said. “But truthfully I don’t know. She was gone for so long and then acted like it was nothing…”

I threw my legs over the side of the bed, slowly scooting closer to him. As I did so, I could feel my heart racing. I reached out my hand, moving towards his shoulder, but I froze as soon as I heard his words.

“Please, don’t,” he said, his voice almost harsh. Though, it was evident that he was feeling rather overwhelmed, so I tried not to take it to heart. Despite that, I could still feel a heaviness in my chest.

“Lucifer…” I spoke softly, retracting my hand. “What can I do to help you?”

“I know it’s a lot to ask,” he said after a moment. “But can you continue to help me protect my daughter?”

“Of course,” I replied.

He finally shifted on the bed, turning to face me. His facial expression was rather bleak, and I could tell that his eyes were a bit swollen. He probably didn’t want me to know that he had been crying. After everything that had happened, I would have been more concerned if he hadn’t cried.

“Thank you, Y/N…”

I could see the tears threatening to fall from his face again, and I wanted so badly to make him feel better. However, I really just didn’t know what I could do at that moment. As much as I wanted to comfort him and tell him it was okay, I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything else.

Without saying a word, I threw my arms around his neck and held on tightly. He felt rather stiff and resistant at first, but eventually wrapped his arms around me as well. I could hear him softly sobbing, which made my heart sink. However, I knew that that’s probably what he needed. He needed to let all that emotion out, and I was willing to be his shoulder to cry on.

#lucifer x y/n #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer magne #lucifer x reader #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel #hazbin x reader #fall from grace #hazbin hotel fanfic

[mazzy-rockstar]

Monday blues are hitting me hard today

#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings #but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl #and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back #which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like #i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt #so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me #1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool) #my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and #it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics #even in pics where i was present at the time #and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts #i just want to be important to someone #i want to be someone’s person #not a last resort like #they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left #but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’ #not even a fucking heart on insta stories #am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends #like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup??? #I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one #idk i must exude some sort of energy #i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years #(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders) #anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day #ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life #it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets #i feel like hired entertainment sometimes #idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right? #i have to stop

[friendofthecrows]

I went through this phase where all of my main character sets had a structure similar to the following: two besties living their consensually codependent dreams, the world's most awful bastard (affectionate but also derogatory), and an irresponsible adult who sort of accidentally adopted these teenagers and now has to try to be the responsible adult.

And honestly? That was banger.

#writing #characters #found family #fiction #ship dynamics #(not necessarily romantic ships) #(these stories generally didn't have romance or there would be an additional character bc none of these make sense romantically) #thinking of so many of my homemade blorbos #they all had individual flavor to them too #but this was the overall structure of character dynamics i was just obsessed with for some reason #friends to accomplices follows this for the most part (jake is extra) #(for those who haven't been following me for long enough to know fta is my super special wip that I eventually want to tidy up) #(my true soulmate of a work of fiction. i just got it right ig) #(which is funny because my average writing quality in that era was Not Good but friends to accomplices? everything about it just. #scratches exactly the itches that i need fiction to scratch. i just gotta make it not sound like a 14 year old wrote it) #(more of a process than you'd think)

[thebirdandhersong]

you know in terms of the whole body image journey thing, it has been a HUGE relief to be TOLD by my doctor that it was a good thing I gained weight. She was like girl you WERE lighter in high school and that wasn't..... a good thing (paraphrased.... my doctor does not talk like this lol). You're a healthy weight now and I want you to maintain this. Do NOT try to lose any more weight. And I was like okay that's actually......... that really helps, actually. First of all being told to my face that I don't have to lose weight but also that I shouldn't be focusing on going back to what I looked like in high school. It really helped with realising that I should be focusing more on whether or not my body is healthy and functioning and strong.

#also really good to know that i apparently have a strong core >:) #it is easy to play comparison games with my model cousins and my (uni days) model mother but we aren't put on earth for THAT ish! #i'm here to dance and sing and to ilsten to the birds and to write and to read and to laugh with my friends until my stomach hurts #and none of those things requires me to starve myself or to over obsess about things that are in the end a waste of time #say something true and beautiful songbird!!! #anyway it is a GOOD thing to eat good food and to exercise in a way that makes your body and heart and mind happy #and it is a good thing to exist in the body God gave you and to take care of it without beating it up for not being another body #slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21

[raccoonfagdyke]

I just wish people liked being around me

#i feel so fucking lonely #like i was yalking to my friend who was talking about how he was imvited to go out tonight #and thats never happened to me #ive never been invited to places really #unless i kinda invite myself tbh #ive never gone to a bar and then gone to a second location #i just wanna have people who think pf me when theyre doing things #i want people to want me around #and is some of this the DID talking ?? yes #i have parts who mever get to do things like that for one reason pr another #i want people to think im cool in some regard or at least interesting enough to keep around #but no #im just here alone on a friday night and i couldnt go out cuz im sick #meanwhile my partner is sleeping over at a friends place cuz hey shes got a car and is good at people #she gets invited to things all the time and im so fucking burnt out from work that i never get to fucking do anything i hate this so much #i just feel so goddamn alone and unwanted #i know the latter isnt true but it sure fucking feels like it rn #and im gonna be even more isolated this summer since im working 2 jobs #and none of my close friends like to do anything interesting #im just so bored and stagnant and lonesome #i wish i coul sleep

[singlethread]

I have had so much social anxiety these past few days

#truly been feeling like most people hate me or are just putting up with me #had a dream last night where someone I used to play dnd who I’m still friends with was going around telling everyone they hate me #and I know none of it is true and that I have good friends and people who love and care about me #but these thoughts are still rough #I also feel like the more time I spend just on my own the less I mask #and then when I go out with people I’m masking less that my normal and I just become hyper aware of my interactions #bc like what if they only like me when I’m masking #anyways

[kratomqueen]

saw wish last night. it was okay but it would have been soooo much better if they kept this concept in. would have been so much more invested in star, and i miss romance in disney movies. a romance between a girl and a STAR would have literally been the cutest thing ever. seriously missed opportunity

#it's great they're including stories that don't center on romance but almost none of their major movies have it now #and like that's a core disney thing! romance and true love is beautiful #women are not disempowered by falling in love!! princesses can still be strong & have agency & save themselves while also having a prince #i also dig the other original concept of having the queen be evil too...disney evil power couple! #i did love the king's character. his plot line was kinda predictable but his voice actor was soooo good it kinda saved that #and asha's friend group was cute #my 4 year old liked it which is mostly what matters but overall like 5/10 ngl #the butt jokes were way overdone too. i know it's geared towards kids but cmon. there's a limit!

[shima-draws]

kicks down the door (I promise I'll fix it aaaaaaaaaa)

hi, hello, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just hit the ask button before actually thinking of what I was gonna actually say and I'm just making this up as I go ghdfjgjdfghdjgh

I dunno much about Bee and PuppyCat, but I've seen you talking about it lately, so- what's your favorite thing about it??

Nothing a little glue won’t fix uvu

Oh goddd there’s a lot of things I love about the show but my favorite thing is Bee and Puppycat’s relationship;; If you think about it deeply enough you realize that they’re set up to be foils to one another and both have very similar circumstances. They’re both outsiders who don’t exactly “fit in” and have pretty big secrets, which is probably why they get along so well. Even when those secrets come out and the people they care about shun them for it (especially in Bee’s case), they don’t judge each other for it whatsoever, which makes me so SOFT. It’s kind of like a “I can relate to you and what you’re going through so of course I’m not going to push you away after finding out about this” situation and I just 🥺 I care them so much. They care about each other so much. Even when they have nobody else at the end of the day they’ll always have each other. The progression from being weird roommates/coworkers to actual best friends and being absolutely ride or die for each other (looks at Puppycat threatening to kill anybody who makes Bee cry) is just SO good and I cannot wait to see how much more their relationship will progress in future seasons (if we get them. Hopefully we will)

#Also god I can’t help but wonder if Puppycat’s reveal as the Space Outlaw will throw a wrench in their relationship #I have a feeling Bee kind of knows? Bc she asked if the story was true when Puppycat told it #And her ‘Maybe I can help you write a good ending’ line is kinda 👀👀👀 #Anyway ANYWAY I just care about them a lot and I love their relationship #Whether they stay friends or end up together romantically (if Puppycat ever transforms back) #I love them. Period #BAPC #Bee and Puppycat #Bee #Puppycat #Shima answers questions #Friends #You probably understood none of that Cinn but thanks for letting me ramble anyway. LOL #misecinn