#am i not massively brained for this take

[flea-palace]

you know who i want to play the managers in a production of phantom? them

#am i not massively brained for this take #put my meemaws in the paris opera house !! #phantom of the opera #poto #trixie and katya

[tennessoui]

writing warm up that got away from me

It takes thirty-two more hours for the realization to come to Sidious, and he blames Skywalker wholly for the delay. The boy's own stupidity and black-and-white view of the galaxy must be rubbing off on him, that's the only reason Sidious can think of for not having thinking of this sooner.

Kenobi. 

And Skywalker.

The answer has been sitting right before him this entire time, but he had been too blinded by his own hatred of Kenobi to see it. And Skywalker's hero worship of the man hadn't helped, of course. The way Skywalker talked of his old Jedi master evoked images of untouchable saints, glowing angels, benevolent deities...the same way he talked of those sentients he fancied himself in love with at the height of his relationships with them. Gilded and perfect and infallible. It was the way Skywalker loved, to paint his paramours as idols placed upon a pedestal.

How had Sidious missed that Skywalker had already done the same thing with Kenobi? Years ago! For years, he has endured Skywalker's fanatical praise of his Jedi master. He has listened to him complain about the man, his fastidiousness, his devotion to the Jedi Order--but oh, those moments that Sidious had made the mistake of agreeing with Skywalker's own words! He has never felt closer to losing Skywalker's trust than those times he let a bad word about Kenobi slip past his lips, even though Skywalker himself had already said much more damning things.

And yet no matter the argument, no matter the disagreement between Kenobi and Skywalker, Skywalker's faith in his master did not waver. He never took his master down from that pedestal, no matter how many times Kenobi revealed himself to be just a man.

Sidious has spent years resenting that, resenting Skywalker's unshakeable devotion to his master. He has spent years trying to ingratiate himself to the boy, trying to replace Kenobi as the boy's mentor, his father. And every time he has failed because it seems that no matter how often Kenobi manages to break Skywalker's heart, Skywalker gives it to him again without hesitation.

But...but if Skywalker were to see Kenobi through the lens of a man in love, if they were to fall into bed together and strike up a romance, then surely...surely Kenobi would flinch at the force of Skywalker's naked devotion.

#obikin #basically sidious decides to push the two of them together #thinking that kenobi will turn skywalker away or break his heart #but of course kenobi does not do that #because kenobi is also insane about skywalker #and sidious did not take that into consideration #this fic is challenging for two ways tho im writing directly into the ao3 box which i have never done #and also i am writing through massive brain fog #so i think half these words are not the right words #rip kit

[aro-culture-is]

quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.

totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.

#fun fact sometimes condensing meds just means poorer treatment of some conditions #this is a re-expansion + new thing #so that instead of poorly treating my mental health and using an unusually high dose SNRI for another (physical) condition #i will hopefully both be in less pain AND not depressed af AND also have an appetite again #i doubt i will be lucky and not have a fucked stomach due to meds but one can hope that an appetite will allow me to eat foods that upset #my stomach a lot less #my health is forever a massive balancing act #every time a medical thing is like 'so what meds do u take' i'm like here i wrote it down for u #and they're like 'oh. ooookay. let me just...' *five minutes of typing and clicking later* #'so! what did you come in for again? uhuh. you said you experience pain daily? with your chronic pain thing? hm. have you tried yoga?' #/gen #like. straight up every time i say 'i am in pain all the time due to fibromyalgia' they are like 'ooh studies say regular exercise helps' #and like. theoretically yes! but also. i would be lying if i said the fibromyalgia studies i've skimmed don't set off general 'bad science' #alarm bells in my brain #like... cool you performed a fibromyalgia study with... all male lab rats? mhmm? so are you aware fibromyalgia appears to occur #overwhelmingly in women? like. data seems to suggest between 70-85%? #(not that the data can't still indicate things but it certainly makes male rats a poor choice of model for tests on it) #also just... idk i've looked at some metaanalysis and been like 'okay cool theory and for all i know about human bio or bio in general that #sounds more or less correct BUT. you never discussed that one study on this subject that did NOT support your conclusion. #and that's 1) interesting when it was the most diverse group of subjects and the exceptions often teach just as much as the 'rule' #2) just shitty science. tell me how your theory is still credible when some evidence doesn't fit the model. #like... 'given that all other studies were primarily conducted on white american women in their 30s to 40s it is possible that this model #only explains (the early effects of fibro since that's a typical onset period) / (a possible genetic link primarily found in white women) / #(a possible sign of bias in diagnosis that demonstrates the possibility that there are different causes) / combinations of all of those #like... idk a paper that just throws out things that don't support it is a pretty big red flag #it doesn't mean the conclusion is entirely incorrect but it is often important to understand the context in which it applies #like... it's very easy to jump to an incorrect conclusion if you used something in the wrong context #ie: thumbs up is a good job / positive thing in a lot of western civilizations. teenage kee once went to china and discovered it to be #neutral to offensive in many areas outside of major tourist locations that were used to it #anyways i gotta sleep

[wuwubean]

Crack TMAGP theory time: my CS professor offhandedly mentioned that Windows NT, aka the os the OIAR is running, was known for being rife with memory leaks. It had to be rebooted constantly and overall was just a nightmare to deal with.

Now, hear me out, what if that’s how the JMJ gang are trapped. Memory leaks are basically when memory is incorrectly allocated, causing pieces of data that should be destroyed and freed up for other things, to not do that. Or in other words, they create unreachable, unusable, data, trapping it to never be released, only to take up space.

This would require Rusty Quill to understand basic computer science and specifically the problems that plagued Windows NT, which based on their knowledge of archives in their archive show (so many staplers…) I do not believe for a second they have. But just imagine if it was! The absolute horror of it all! Being trapped by a poorly designed machine that cannot get rid of you, only creating more and more garbage data until eventually, it destroys itself and you along with it. This is my new headcanon and nobody can take it away from me.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #windows nt #keep in mind i am severely daylight savings time jetlagged #and was late for class #only to walk in to my professor talking about windows nt #and all my brain could think was ‘omg windows nt just like the magnus protocol’ #so take this with a massive amount of salt

[bri-does-art]

i know this probably won’t do much, let alone anything at all, but i’m sorry for the stress this site has caused you and so many other creators here. i’m not asking for you to stick around on here, but i hope you know just how meaningful you and your art have been on here. you’re amazing. /pos

Hey, this ask has done a lot more than you would think. Thank you, you are very sweet. <3

I've kind of made up my mind about what I'm gonna do for a while now, but I've simply been... too busy and overwhelmed to take the time to let you guys know. I'm not going to delete my tumblr, there's just. Too much here that I don't want to lose.

So far the game plan is: keep my tumblr. But do not upload anymore art or writing on it - not because it's gonna get scraped, because it was already getting scraped anyway, AI company deal or not. It's pretty much unavoidable at this point, unfortunately. I simply do not trust Tumblr with my data, if they're going to sell EVERYTHING, including private messages and such, so I'm not going to give it anything worthwhile to profit off of. Instead, I'm going to start uploading my art exclusively on Ao3, for now. I'll answer any asks I receive here on there too, as well. I'll figure some kind of system out. 🤔

The cool thing about uploading to Ao3 is that anyone subscribed to my profile or to the containment series I will make will get a notification anytime I upload something new. Having my art and writing in one place is likely going to be more convenient for you guys too, since you won't have to move across platforms to get the full experience. 😄It'll be different... but a platform getting too greedy for its own good won't stop me from finding ways to share my stories with y'all. I'll just find another solution.

(I've also been entertaining the idea of joining or making my own Discord server but. That one is a little more delicate. The idea of joining a server that has hundreds of members like a lot of this fandom's servers have, just. Makes me break into hives, lmao. (I am in the Ghost in the Machine fic server. I muted it an hour into joining, it was way too intense for me. |'D) That is way too many people, I simply cannot handle it. I'd be way more comfortable in a smaller group with a less rapid-fire rate of posting and conversation. I am also. Very picky about which servers I join, which makes asking for recommendations doubly awkward when I shoot them all down, haha... And making my own... Err, I can hardly keep up with a server I helped create for another fandom and mod for, I don't think I could handle two of them - I would need other people to handle the moderation for me, and I wouldn't trust just anyone to be a mod. I'd need to know them well enough to know I could trust them, and I... do not really know anyone in this fandom well enough to do that, sadly. I take server moderation very seriously, as someone who has had experience modding for forums back before social media was a thing. I do not know if that would make for a fun experience for everyone, and anyone who hasn't known that kind of supervised experience. It is comforting to me. It may be intimidating for others. So that's still a very hand-wavy, 'eehhhh' kind of thing still.)

All of this to say, that this isn't the last you'll see from me, far from it. I'll restrict my creative output to Ao3 for the foreseeable future, and I'll let you guys on here know when I make a new upload, so those of you who do not have an Ao3 account know when something new has happened.

So there you have it. 😊

#also just so y'all know #i AM working on the next CotA chapter #i am. about 40% done. #i needed to take a breather after that massive last upload and then life just. fucking tackled me lmao. #in order: my folks put up the house for sale. i have spent half of my weekends having to evacuate the house at a moment's notice. #so prospective buyers could visit. not very good conditions to write in. too stressful. #then i caught fucking covid for the very first time and had a BAD TIME. it took me weeks to recover. couldn't climb stairs for a while. #i think i still have episodes of brain fog 5 months later because of it. my body was really weird for a while after. #(writing is still a little hard after that. but i think i am slowly overcoming it. hopefully it doesn't show too much in the new chapter.) #random unexplained symptoms and more i will not share. then the holiday season came and went. #then we finally got serious buyers after months of having no-shows yank our chains and expulse us from our home for nothing. #the house is sold. then came the cleaning out and packing. we are nearly done and i am finally coming up to the surface to breathe a little #we are moving in a month's time so i might be a while before i feel stable enough to start posting a little more regularly once more. #so this year i may have to give mermay a pass. to my ENORMOUS chagrin. it's just not in the cards for me this year. ;___;) #but we are getting there. we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. and i am confident enough to say it's not a train.

[lesbianfakir]

Not saying anything I haven’t already said but it’s 2 in the morning and I have feelings about this!! I want more queerplatonic art and interpretations in the tutu fandom sooooo bad. I keep coming back to how it’s so rare to have a show of this genre where the boy and the girl stay friends without any pressure to make their relationship “something more,” and that really resonates.

It’s not a bad thing but it’s a little sad to me that the tag is so focused on romantic shipping when there are so many other ways to explore the relationships in the show. I would love to see more people engaging with the text in ways that don’t fit in with the conventional relationship script.

Duck feels she is lacking in some fundamental human quality, a narrative that is so very often, an aspec one. For a show that’s so entrenched in amatonormativity I connected with the narrative of tutu in a way that I do with so few shows because it feels so fundamentally aspec. And I want to explore the shit out of that!!

The way the show develops it’s central relationships really resonates with me—rather being built upon some nebulous attraction the foundation of many central relationships come from a place of deep admiration. There is no expectation that that admiration must blossom into romance. At the end of the day, the world is saved through a friendship. There’s no NEED for it to be anything else because that love is complete just as it is. There’s no lack felt—only the strength of what’s already there.

And that said, I feel like when engaging with fanwork that quality is often missing. The idea that these relationships hold the same strength and validity whether they’re platonic or romantic doesn’t always carry through. And don’t get me wrong, I love to see a cute couple. But I wish there was more exploration of the weird nebulous up to interpretation not-quite-romantic, not-quite-platonic relationships the show gives us. It can go either way so it’s so strange to me that fandom tends to gravitate towards only one outcome to these options

Anyways, this is my rallying cry, JOIN ME IN QUEERING PRINCESS TUTU

#don’t mean this in an accusatory way at all #fandom tends to be biased towards shipping #and hell qprs can be a form of shipping like I am very much part of this #and that’s just how it is it’s not good or bad it’s something people enjoy doing #BUT #it’s funny to me that the fandom darling pairing is NOT explicitly romantic yet 99% of the fandom stuff for them is romantic #there’s just this massive gap that is left somewhat unexplored #also I’m gonna say it #unpopular opinion perhaps #the lake scene is soooooooooooo good if you take it platonically #like #as a thing between friends?? #actually insane it scratches my brain like nothing else #FUCK yearning they r besties #(tho I love a good yearning) #princess tutu #lea talks #super sleepy so apologies if this doesn’t make sense #I must go to bed

[gayrogues]

there is no fucking way that tom king's shitty oneshot, featuring the most out-of-character riddler known to man and a batman who breaks his no kill rule and waterboards people, got nominated for an eisner award...

#i hate the riddler issue of one bad day so much it's unreal #1. why write a riddler comic if you're gonna be like 'actually he HATES riddles and puzzles and won't be using them anymore' #now he's just some guy who kills people #2. i don't think i need to explain why i hate the concept of batman breaking the no kill rule or waterboarding people #3. trying to make the killing joke relevant again after 30 years? to say that ed was the mastermind behind it? #4. the plot is just. incredibly silly and not in a good way like you're telling me once the riddler stops using riddles he #becomes powerful enough to take over the entire city and batman can't do anything about it except kill him? #and i'm not talking taking over the city like in zero year where there was an actual plan #in one bad day everyone just gets sooo scared of him and his massive brain that they fall in line #5. that is not his fucking backstory #that's like. the complete opposite of it. keeping only the part about him having a shitty dad #he was never a prestigious prep school kid under immense pressure to be the smartest #he was just some kid who went unnoticed by everyone and that's why winning that puzzle contest was so important to him #and then his dad refused to believe he was smart enough to win the contest without cheating and you know the rest #he has a very ordinary backstory that explains a lot about him #meanwhile i feel like tom king was like 'oh shit this series is called one bad day' #'i need to give ed a pivotal moment in his life that made him fucked up and evil' #'how bout i write all this stuff leading up to him brutally killing his teacher at the age of like 15' #and it just sucked ass #i feel like there was more stuff i hated that i'm forgetting but i am not gonna re-read this comic to remember! at least the art was good #oopsie daisy these tags turned out to be much longer than i was expecting - i don't even care about the eisner awards i just saw the #category pop up on the library app that i use and i was like Why is This in here #ransom.txt

[keepthetension]

friends. i dreamed that i was on a cute little library date with inspector sexypants?

like, it's quiet so we have to whisper so of course my face has to be this close to yours. it's only polite for me to help you hold up this book you're talking about and maybe our fingertips brush a little, what about it. can't walk too far apart (out of whispering range; see above) and oh whoops our shoulders are touching. that kind of bullshit

and i can only assume my actual brain came fully online for a second because i was like, wait a minute. he's driving me home after this. whatever books i chose, i don't have to lug them back in my shoulderbag. I CAN GET AS MANY HEAVY, THICK-ASS HARDCOVER BOOKS AS I WANT! and sprinted for the graphic novel section

don't think i'm getting a second date. sorry, inspector sexypants

#the sign the series #look. there was this multivolume set with THE MOST gorgeous gilded illustrations! but man oh man were they massive weighty tomes #like sir you are fine as hell but who can resist the allure of having the reading material you covet in your own grubby little paws #lol i'm not even up to date with this show! but my brain was like: hey. do you remember him. he is important (i do remember! i'm just busy! #(also i am aroace so like all this furtive glancing and accidental touching omg i could NEVER in real life) #also what's wild is he DID come and find me though? and helped me carry everything?? i must have SO much rizz in my dreams holy shit #anyway i think there like three other akk appreciators in this fandom? #but i hope inspector sexypants takes you on a dream visit to the library too! #may you NOT cockblock yourselves like i did though hehe

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

luz and king probably would have fit better but i dont know how to draw king so hunter it is.

#toh #the owl house #luz noceda #hunter toh #flapjack toh #over the garden wall #otgw #i still dont like how luz's mouth looks #and hunter looks more sickly than he already is #also i dont know how shading works btw #and i am taking 6 classes in uni so i probably shouldnt have spent all afternoon drawing this #i just have massive toh brain rn #oh well back to studying #pandora draws

[sparky-is-spiders]

WIP TAG GAME

rules: make a new post and post the latest line in your WIP & tag as many people as there are words (or as many as you feel like).

Got tagged by @ichabodcranemills, thank you!

From the end of that JE fic I kept mentioning and also keep Not Working on:

"He just signed."

Tagging @amythestvaporeonbackup, @in-between-nothing, @spaceoperajay, @tarotrans, and anyone else who might be interested.

#no pressure if you don't want to do the tag game tho #I was so tempted to put Jenny gibberish keyboard sittings as the 'last line' but I'll put that in the tags instead #aszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz #njm #<- from Jenny #anyway the fic i mentioned is still a WiP in that it desperately needs editing and I Am Not Editing It Even Though I Really Really Should #doesn't help that my brain strong-armed me into a new interest in the stupidest way possible so now JE/Mag doesn't take up the brain space #that it used to (although it's still very much there) #anyway I need /something/ to work on in the mornings so I can shift into Work Mode for classes #tempted to write about my lizards but i don't want that to be my first long-form project cause it's so massive but also so important to me #anyway i'm rambling and should eat breakfast (cake) #also thank you for tagging me. #tag game

[pyreshe]

in general i need to send people more hc memes bc i could genuinely listen to u describe your muse's stance on paint drying and be utterly and completely enthralled. just reading your posts like this

#like you guys are so cool you have massive sexy brains and you understand your blorbos SO WELL #i love u i am kissing u on the head and i am handing u a hot chocolate #✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: ooc / [mothman vc] take me home country roads

[fortunatelyfresco]

In the general population as a whole (ie, not just those who are sleepy), the presence or absence of SOREMPs on repeated MSLTs is also quite variable, suggesting that this may not be the best feature to use in discriminating among diseases. Indeed, prominent narcolepsy researchers have concluded that the presence of 2 or more sleep-onset REM periods [eg, on the MSLT] does not appear to have any specific pathognomonic significance.

THATS WHAT IM FUCKING SAYINGGGG, THE MSLT IS A BAD TEST!!!

#tag ramble incoming #so xywav was recently approved as a treatment for idiopathic hypersomnia #and i am hoping that is a step in the direction of like #further differentiating type 1 and 2 narcolepsy #and taking ih more seriously #i don't know enough to actually theorize that t2n and ih are the same disorder but the page this quote is from (the hypersomnia foundation) #lists several areas of overlap in everything from symptoms to brain chemicals #whereas like!!! t1n and t2n have the massive difference of cataplexy vs no cataplexy #and from what i can tell hypocretin deficiency vs no hypocretin deficiency #anyway sorry what i am hoping for is that we're moving towards a point where t1n can be diagnosed #based on cataplexy and/or hypocretin levels (bc cataplexy isnt always severe enough to be observed) #and t2n and ih can be diagnosed based on other symptoms #with effective treatments available for all three diagnoses so getting the wrong one doesnt fuck you over forever #and no one has to take the goddamn mslt

[cowsaresushi-coral]

i'm having one hell of a week (today and yesterday really compounded it 10 fold).

#coral yaps #delete later #2023 #too many convos #most of which i am just CHEESE GRATERING my brain #i also had god awful allergies today and it gave me a congestion induced massive headache #im just not going to talk to anyone if i don't have to for like a week lmao i'm going to kill someone if i do #if anyone sees this and thinks this is about them. i promise you it's not. it's primarily irl and talking to way too many damn people and #getting really bad social anxiety. #maybe i'll go make myself some tasty instant ramen tomorrow as a treat #and then animate and draw gabe and play ultrakill <3 #maybe go watch more fancams <3 #self-care is taking a day off from people to calm down my drained anxiety induced brain and go look at my favorite guys

[einstetic]

i don't know about you but to be honest i am not feeling too great

#i feel line there is a massive mass of grey clouds and fog in my brain #my ability to focus is nowhere to be found #i am absolutely exhausted #i have a hard time just doing the bare minimum to take care of myself #my apartment is a mess and usually i am very neat #i have started comparing myself to others and i just feel so behind #i feel like no one cares about me and that all my human relationships are just draining and one sided #its friday night and i am actually just sitting here in my pyjamas feeling left out & my thoughts are just going from one end to the other #i just want to have a hug that makes me feel like someone actually cares and a proper meal and some proper sleep #literally no one cares emma

[spring-lxcked]

as much as i'd like to do a starter call for the new verse i literally. still have starters in the drafts from last time (y i k e s sorry) and i just can't trust myself to actually do starters in a timely manner SO. if anybody wants to write in that verse, i'm gonna rb some asks at some point tonight. feel free to send something in (clarify if you want that verse tho obv) if you'd like!!

#—— ✧ ooc » #.tbd. #sorry that my brain immediately shuts down when i try to do starters fdksahsdakhfja #i'll be like 'omg i'm so excited!' and then my brain fizzles out. not an idea in sight. #(btw this is also why you're all HIGHLY encouraged to continue asks whenever you like!!) #anyway my main focus tonight is going to be: asks /in this new verse/ and basic replies because i am. behind. #i wanna touch on the multi but i really think i might just. drop every single old thing and start FRESH fresh. idk. #i think i look at my asks + drafts there and just get /massively/ overwhelmed a lot of the time #anyway anything i write will be queued because i don't like being Perceived on how long it takes me to write One Thing fkdhsasdj

[smirk47]

Re-listened to Pasithea s1e2 a few days ago but didn’t have time to write up reactions until now.

Listening to this episode, knowing everything I now know based on all of s1 and s2, something I was thinking about as I started the episode was: what is really drawing Jane and Sophie together at this point?

(spoilers plus rambly thoughts and run-on sentences ahead!)

Like – at the most basic, surface level of everything, they both have so much to be angry at each other about and so little reason to trust each other at this point. And they definitely have not really talked to each other enough yet by this point or been through enough together recently to have truly started to build a new understanding of each other – a lot of what they have to go on is their memories of the other from when they were younger, and their knowledge of some of the WORST things the other has done during the war. They haven’t really had much of a chance to see how the other person has changed in that time, or how those experiences have affected them. (I mean ... this is more true of Sophie than Jane, I suppose, but I do think it’s still essentially accurate for both of them.)

So why – at this early point in the story - are they still so drawn to each other already despite all this?

Listening to the episode what I came away with is that the reasons are complicated but also, ultimately, devastatingly simple: they are both SO lonely.

They’re 10 million other things also -- at least a third of which are actively contradictory and messy -- but I think the heart of why they keep calling each other and talking about so much more than just what would actually be absolutely necessary to deal with their immediate problems (which are: (a) what is Alegros up to? And (b) What the heck is happening with Carla?) and slipping up and failing to keep their walls up as high as they mean to is really just that: they’re lonely.

And like, that’s not necessarily any great revelation or brilliant observation, I suppose. But still. For all the complexity of everything else going on in the story, and all the secrets and betrayals and love yet to be revealed and discovered – I think it’s just such an effective, affecting emotional baseline to build this story and relationship out of.

They’re lonely, and lost, and traumatized and it’s so easy to become isolated and lose your sense of self under circumstances like that.

But there on the other end of these messages is someone who shares and understands at least a little of the same pain of love and loss that has changed the shape of your life and identity in the past several years. And not only that, this person has known you for a long time, and can’t help but still react to you sometimes as if you were still the person you believed yourself to be before the war.

Just… so much of our sense of self is shaped by how people react to us, and by the parts of our selves they reflect back at us. (It’s why culture shock can be so profoundly alienating and disorienting, right? When you find yourself far from the familiar and land in a place where your behavior does not necessarily MEAN the same thing to you as it does to the people around you – when people interpret your actions in a way you didn’t intend because they don’t have the same shared cultural background or experiences, then all of a sudden, all the things that reinforced your own idea of Who You Are are just totally stripped away. It can be freeing, but also deeply terrifying.)

And I have to imagine that talking to someone who knew them so well before the war – even as fraught and frustrating and full of misunderstanding as their relationship was before the war – must be a comfort when everything else makes you feel adrift, and when your name and reputation has taken on a life of its own that feels so totally outsized and separate from who you feel like you are on a day-to-day basis.

Add on to ALL of this the fact that (even though they have been through hell and see themselves as mature and jaded) they are actually SO YOUNG (25!? They are BABIES!), and then add on the truly UNTHINKABLE amount of Unresolved Sexual Tension they are still carrying from their pre-war days!?!?! and like: good. GOD. no wonder they cannot let go of this connection.

Even as they lash out at each other for reasons both petty and DEEPLY justified, and get mad at themselves for not being able to keep their distance the way they think they should, there’s this relief. This palpable sense of: ‘oh thank god - here’s an anchor to hold onto. A tether to keep me from drifting further into a version of myself that I no longer recognize or understand.’ It’s certainly not always a pleasant or emotionally healthy anchor to cling to for either of them, but dear god I can see why they would both end up clinging to it anyway.

... Well. That was a longer ramble than I thought I was gonna do! Oops? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ohter random thoughts and line shout outs:

Oh man, I always forget about Sophie’s angry little deleted message in reaction to Jane’s shreds of lettuce explanation. It’s so delightful and juicy and righteously angry and understandable but also SO FUCKING MISGUIDED AND UNJUSTIFIED because of the things she doesn’t know right now – I love it SO MUCH. Also, I’m frankly kinda impressed by the restraint she shows by deleting it instead of sending it tbh.

Just: the entire baking soda story. Especially: “So. They probably went home thinking they’re an accessory to murder, but at least a poor, down at heel war hero winked at them.” A delight. A++.

Jane having the realization of how limited her safety and privacy really are and fighting back a panic attack in real time while leaving a message: :(((. OOF.

Agent Blanc calling her Janie pisses me off SO. MUCH. Such a patronizing creep, right off the bat.

“I am being held. It’s very romantic.” Hee.

Everything about the fight with Alegros. Especially the ornamental tree.

The journey in Sophie’s message from “War Hero Attacks Innocent Man With Artificial Tree” – which made me laugh out loud – to the deeply sincere conclusion of “I can’t handle this anymore, Jane. I can’t watch this woman drown in front of me and do nothing but whisper about it.” is so good, and shows some of the pain, and fear, and compassion that Sophie hides under all that charm and bluster and bravado. She’s hard not to love in that moment.

And Jane’s response! Blunt, somewhat clinical, keeping that professional emotional distance – you can absolutely see some of her Pasithea experience poking through there (and also perhaps the fact that she has already been through several rounds of feeling drawn to and worried about and hurt or let down by Sophie even if the audience has not?) – but also ultimately legitimately good, clear-headed advice that does help Sophie find a path forward.

… After which Jane mercilessly teases Sophie for everything about her fight with Alegros. Which: fair! And also: AMAZING.

“In case you’re as clueless as he was, people from the sky are exactly the same color as they are on the ground until they get hit by whatever’s raining down on them and then they aren’t anymore.” OOF.

God, I feel like I could just copy-paste all of Sophie’s last message in this episode from “What am I going to do about it?” onward. It’s such a hard thing that she does, talking to Carla, and such a good thing, and all the little details - the training, the black bean burgers, Carla’s relief, Sophie’s response to learning what Carla was taking hypnos for, ALL OF IT – just paints such a picture of how deeply, mundanely horrible the war and its aftermath have been. It’s so effective and heartbreaking and does such a good job of fleshing out Sophie as a deeply sympathetic and even legitimately heroic and admirable character, without negating how much of a fuck-up she is sometimes too.

It also sets up such an interesting dynamic of audience empathy and understanding where it’s hard not to sort of adopt Sophie as your POV character at this point, since Sophie is more overtly emotionally accessible and understandable by this point in the narrative while Jane is still comparatively very distant and (understandably) emotionally opaque (is that even a real phrase? IDK.).

What I’m saying is: it’s a real good monologue that accomplishes a bunch of things all at once and I like it and it’s good? Yeah. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

#the pasithea powder #Podcasts #meta #long post #pasithea powder re-listen #s1e2 #(again - I am unfortunately not caught up on s3 yet - OR on the bonus episodes. because my brain is weird #and insists i MUST wait and do this relisten first. #so a) please do not spoil me about s3 stuff #and b) obviously none of that massive ramble up there takes any of the new stuff into account) #wow #If I keep doing re-listen posts I REALLY gotta stop writing novels in each one because at this rate I will NEVER get to s3 #which is a problem! #but like... a problem for future!me at the moment #because I need to go to bed now #bye!