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#alternatively u could do it to me instead
cyb3r-mutt · 28 days
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hey ur like really cute!! do u mind if i hold you down and fuck u till ur crying real quick?
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azullumi · 1 month
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Sorry but your thoughts on designer! Reader X Aventurine?
Like, I want to dress this peacock into so much staff, from tailored expensive suits with unbelievably beautiful patterns to the fucking dresses. (Rine in dress Rine in dress *trembles chews on chair*.)
Or maybe make him a living mannequin when he has free time? Like look at this man, the perfect waist. (new art new art omg)
It's like, so unrelated to IPC that maybe Aventurine would even find peace in having a Reader from a simple world (yeah simple fashion world of course yeah...)
Anyways, if it's boring or silly, you can just delete it!! It's okay, place your needs and desires first!
Cheese for you. 🧀
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"the way you look tonight" ; aventurine
summary — you just get along with him so well and he just adores you so much.
pairing — aventurine (w/ fashion designer! reader)
tags — established relationship, fluff, not proofread, 1k words ; headcanons
note — i hope u like this nonnieee!! and thank you for the cheese 🧀 hopefully, he wasn't ooc in this one omgosh also this reminded me of the costume i have to make and i haven't started yet hahahaha?? this is day 3 of writing for this man until i have him.
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Aventurine likes to adorn himself in expensive jewelry and clothing, to dress himself with extravagant accessories and jewelries (Have you seen the rings on his hands? His watch? The bracelets on his wrists?); that was a well-known fact. So when he met you for the first time as he visited a certain planet whose main trading point was fabric, textiles, clothing, and everything related to fashion, the relationship that will soon blossom will be inevitable. You just get along with him so well and he just adores you so much—it was like a match-made in the universe.
From then on, whenever he has the time to do so, he’ll arrange visits to your planet. It could be surprise visits or ones planned between you two (it’s mostly just him messaging you that he misses you so he’s planning on stopping by soon). Nevertheless, you love seeing him, love the way he always greets you with a hug and a kiss when he sees you. He’ll always bring you presents every time he comes by. Souvenirs from another planet, trinkets and charms that he thinks you would like, and occasionally, patterns, fabrics, clothes, and such.
Aventurine doesn’t mind you using him as your model—he was your muse, after all. He doesn’t mind having to stand still as you take his measurements or see which color suits him better by repeatedly alternating two different fabrics against his skin (it’s like a free color analysis). All the while, he’s entertained by just you talking to yourself and seemingly troubled.
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“Hm, I think this one looks good, don’t you think?” You say as you fall into deep thought, holding the fabrics in your hand. You stand in front of the blond-haired man who just watches you the whole time with a relaxed look on his face—his soft gaze follows your every movement and a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “No, wait, but this one looks nice too. Why is it so hard to decide?”
You fall into silence, into deep thought, and Aventurine simply waits for your next move. He’s like a living mannequin but he doesn’t complain, afraid that he’ll break your focus if he speaks at this moment.
“What do you think?” Finally, you looked at him. He doesn’t answer immediately, but instead, he smiles and tucks a few strands of hair behind your ear.
“Have you eaten already?” He’ll ask, caressing the of your cheek so sweetly, so gently. A lull of a touch and you can’t help but to lean against his hand to seek more of his kindness. You’ll answer him with a hesitant tone, “I wasn’t asking that though…” He could immediately tell the answer with just the tone of your voice and the way you avert your gaze away from him.
“How about we go out and eat first? I have a reservation for the both of us at the restaurant down the street. They serve your favorites.”
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He just likes watching you as you work; eyebrows scrunched, eyes focused, and gaze unwavering as you concentrate on what you’re doing. Occasionally, he’ll watch over your shoulder as you sketch a new design. If you have long hair, he’ll tie it back for you so that you won’t be bothered by your strands obstructing your sight. Sometimes, he’ll massage your shoulders as he kisses the crown of your head. However, when it’s already late at night, he’ll ask you to go to bed with him already while peppering your face with kisses until you’ll let go of your pencil and give in to his words.
Aw, you can’t afford to buy the fabric? You don’t have enough money to buy the pattern that you like? Everything is too expensive? Fortunately for you, this man is willing to spend millions—or even trillions—of credits just to get you what you want and need. You just have to ask and he’ll provide without hesitation. You’re worried about how you’ll repay him? Just a kiss will do.  A fair and perfect price for it all, right?
While Aventurine brings you to casinos with him, you also bring him to watch fashion shows with you—majority of the whole show, however, he would just be watching you and adoring the way your eyes sparkle and your expression brightens. You’ll ask him how the show was and which one he likes best and he doesn’t know how to answer your question, only thinking of how you looked so lovely at the moment.
PHOTOS OF HIS OUTFITS OF THE DAY!! He’ll randomly send you pictures of him standing in front of a mirror in just a simple pose as he shows you what he’s wearing to work. He likes it whenever you compliment him—tell him he looks good, that he looks amazing in the suit you’ve made, that he looks so handsome and you wish to kiss him. (i’m an avid believer of aventurine having words of affirmation as one of his love languages)
It’s undeniable that he looks good in everything that he wears, much more if it's made by your hands. He wears the clothes you tailored for him or the outfits you have planned for him, seemingly showing them off in a rather subtle yet loud way. He’ll occasionally adjust the cuffs of his wrist, fix his tie even though it’s not even messy, or anything that would grab the attention of the person he’s talking to so that they’ll bring it up in a conversation; “Stop adjusting your coat, Aventurine. I know (Name) designed it for you.” A certain silver-haired girl would say and the man adorned with your work would only answer with: “Aren’t they so talented?”
MATCHING CLOTHING (hello?! i know i already mentioned the matching things in my previous work BUT MATCHING CLOTHING WITH HIM!!), especially ones that you’ve designed and tailored for the both of you. Whenever the both of you are going out for a date, he’ll ask what color you’re going for today or what you’re wearing so that he can match you. Be surprised or not, but the bouquet of flowers he bought for you would also match the palette of your clothes.
The first time you proposed the idea of him wearing a dress, he was baffled and somewhat confused. One minute, you were talking about the design of a suit and asking for his opinion on the matter and the next, you’re asking him what he thinks of dresses. Before he knew it, he was with you, choosing among the many collections of dresses that you have garnered in either your closet or boutique. How could he say ‘no’ to you, eyes wide with expectation and gleaming like the surface of a jewel, how could he ever say ‘no’?
Everything was just so simple with you—a form of escape, a way of running away from the thoughts that binds him. Every moment that he spends with you eases him of the worries, of the stress, of the chains that holds him as if he was a flightless bird born in a cage (you were simply his solace). In your presence, he’ll find tranquility inked into the softness of your skin and he’ll murmur his wishes along the lines of your soul; he wishes everything was this warm and easy.
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© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works
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maplesyrupsainz · 2 months
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˖⁺。˚⋆˙we're over | MV1 DR3˖⁺。˚⋆˙
pairing: max verstappen x fashion designer!reader y/n (she/her) x daniel ricciardo
genre: social media au
warnings: none just fluff
summary: in which they are over (this time) and she has space for someone else in her heart
a/n: LOVE this request hehe ty so fun to do an alternative ending!!!
request!!!: hi! just saw your requests were open and i was wondering if you'd do a version of do-over where they don't get back together and she ends up with someone else(doesn't have to be on the grid could be like a hockey boy or anyone)
my masterlist
original ending
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instagram ->
yourusername posted a story
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liked by yourbff, yoursister, and 83,238 others
twitter ->
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messages ->
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by danielricciardo, yourbff, and 927,194 others
yourusername heard you need inspiration
view all 18,293 comments
yourbff my girl forever nd ever ⭐️
liked by yourusername
user1 new fan gained
user2 omg i rmmbr her from when she dated max & now im just rediscovering her she's sooo gorgeous wtaf
user3 i can't believe max fumbled her
user4 my competition for her hand jus tripled
user5 quadruped more like
user6 max verstappen found dead
user7 cant wait for a new collection
yourusername posted a story
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liked by maxverstappen1, yourbff, and 318,928 others
ynupdates I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
yourusername i love u 🫀🫀
user8 u are fr the coolest girl in the world
yoursister so proud of you 🥹
yourusername stop it you'll make me emotional 😭
user9 you are so so loved
user10 nothing you could've said would put us off supporting u forever 🤘
messages →
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instagram ->
maxverstappen1
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liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, and 719,948 others
maxverstappen1 life lately ⏰
view all 15,283 comments
user11 waiting for y/n to follow him back
user12 he re-followed her?!?!
user13 i need to know what's going on have they spoken since the podcast?!!
user14 exes to lovers whennnn
user15 he's so cute
landonorris why is your comment section so full up of drama max
maxverstappen1 i didnt ask for this
user16 max is so tired of us LOL
user17 not sorry
user18 i love drama
user19 max acting dumb like he didnt post this to get her attention
messages ->
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instagram ->
ynupdates
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liked by user17, user3, and 18,294 others
ynupdates y/n y/l/n spotted tonight outside a restaurant with f1 driver daniel ricciardo, following the release of a podcast episode on which y/n discussed her feelings on how her previous relationship (with max verstappen) played out. this comes following speculation about y/n and max rekindling their romance, but she has perhaps moved on to his ex-teammate and friend instead. we are sending our love to y/n as always!
view all 6,183 comments
user20 omg what is happening
user21 wtf is she on a date with daniel???
user22 & i was so certain her & max would get back together....
user23 maybe she's trying to make him jealous 😂
user24 some of u guys are delulu af
user25 what i would give to be a fly on the wall
user26 i hope he treats her well
yourusername
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liked by yourbff, maxverstappen1, and 798,373 others
yourusername never lonely 🖤
view all 6,183 comments
user27 omg first time we've seen y/n with her guitar in ages
user28 the guitar omg
yourbff best girl in the world
yourusername i love u
yoursister hard at work or hardly working?
yourusername shut up you
user29 MAX IN THE LIKES
user30 omg???? is there still hope
user31 something is happening
user32 there's something in the air 🤔
yourusername posted stories
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liked by danielricciardo, charles_leclerc, and 134,293 others
yourbff ???? are you being rizzed up
yourusername perhaps
yourbff better not be by an f1 driver thought we learned our lesson
yourusername of course not
user33 soft launch much
user34 daniel???
user35 IS IT DANIEL OR MAX
user36 the flowers, the resting ur head on a man's shoulder... this is a soft launch bro
ynupdates y/n pls acknowledge the pap pics 🫶🚨
user37 where u at y/n
twitter ->
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instagram ->
ynupdates posted a story
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liked by user22, user8, and 84,283 others
user43 oh my god it's real
user44 NO WAY??? IS SHE BACK IN THE PADDOCK??
user45 and she said just friends 🤨
user46 this is the craziest thing to happen to f1 imo
user47 oh netflix are gonna eat this up
user48 SHE IS NOT SLICK
yourusername posted a story
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liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen1, and 548,293 others
charles_leclerc i will say i am shocked but happy beyond words to have you back!
yourusername ❤️❤️ catch up soon!
danielricciardo back for good
yourusername dont speak too soon
user49 SHAMELESS
user50 you got that new relationship glow
yourbff fantastic
yourusername shush you
ynupdates not you pretending you arent ecstatic
ynupdates posted a story
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liked by danielricciardo, user44, and 128,103 others
user51 you sound thrilled
ynupdates trying to pretend like i care about racing 😀
user52 "just friends" yea right
yourusername never trust what y/n says 💀
user53 not her in the tauri garage there's no way they arent dating
yourusername
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liked by danielricciardo, charles_leclerc, and 828,045 others
yourusername weekend off
view all 5,921 comments
user54 they're just friends they're just friends they're just friends
user55 i don't believe it for a second
yourbff get back to work
yourusername im busy right now
yourbff oh i wonder what with
user56 danny ric danny ric danny ric
user56 she gets prettier everytime i see her
danielricciardo so glad to have you back on the paddock y/n ❤️
yourusername glad to be back !
user57 they are so stiff
user58 they are trying to trick us into thinking they arent dating
twitter ->
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by danielricciardo, yourbff, and 982,193 others
yourusername all the good in my life
tagged: danielricciardo, yourbff
view all 21,283 comments
user64 SHE LOOKS SOOO HAPPY
ynupdates her smile 😭😭😭
yourbff the way you're glowing
liked by yourusername
danielricciardo i love you
yoursername i love u too 🥹🫶
user65 ill never recover
user66 the new f1 it couple
user67 best wag of all time
user68 cant wait to buy all of y/n's new collection
user69 literally same it looks soo cool
danielricciardo
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liked by yourusername, yourbff, and 1,284,083 others
danielricciardo i won
tagged: yourusername
view all 34,838 comments
ynupdates omg she is so hot what the hell
danielricciardo you're telling me
user70 OH MY GODDD
user71 her in daniel's car oh myyyy
yourusername wow
yourusername i love u fr
danielricciardo ❤️
maxverstappen1 you're welcome everyone
danielricciardo you do not get credit for this
maxverstappen1 i feel like i do
yourbff absolutely not
yourusername thanks for giving us your blessing max
maxverstappen1 🥰
user72 this feels like closure
THE END 🤍
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recaltera · 2 months
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pretty when you beg
pairing: enzo vogrincic x fem reader
🏷 smut (minors dni) teasing, underwear kink(?), oral (f rec), overstim, orgasm countdown, orgasm control, hard dom enzo and kinda mean enzo if u squint, spitting
a/n: (IMPORTANT!!) hiii this is my first fic ever i hope u like it :D if u wanna i can also translate into spanish so more people can read it. please let me know what u think and if u have any requests let me know in the ask box thingy, i write for everyone in lsdln’s cast. tyvm !! have a good day/night mwah ♡
⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ꙳⭒ ༒ ✧⋆
deep breaths was all that could be heard, his lips trailing down from your neck to your abdomen. leaving a trail of wet kisses on his way to your clothed cunt.
he kept teasing you tonight, you went out to celebrate your three months together and instead of being all romantic and lovey-dovey, he was whispering the dirtiest things into your ears. but to be honest, you weren’t complaining at all, that’s one of the many things you loved about him, how dirty he could get, even in the most innocent occasions.
— going to fuck you so good tonight, angel.
all you could do was blush and giggle it off.
so here he was kissing your clit through your black laced panties you wore just for him tonight over and over again. it felt so good, yet it wasn’t enough, you needed more.
— enzo, please
he used his thumb to rub over your lips, something he did when he wanted you to open your mouth for him, wether it meant he wanted you to suck him off, or just make you suck in his fingers. however, this time he leaned over to spit in your mouth. and you gladly opened up and swallowed for him.
— shut the fuck up.
you kept bucking your hips into his face, but to no avail cause he ended up pinning you to the mattress, with his slender, pretty fingers sprawled out on your stomach. the fingers you oh so wanted somewhere else. the fingers you had spent HOURS thinking about.
as he was busy making out with your clothed pussy, kissing and sucking here and there, making the lace panties wet with his saliva. you were getting desperate to feel something, anything. you took his fingers into your own hands and guided them where you needed him the most.
— nuh uh, i want you to cum because of my mouth tonight.
you groaned when he finally took your panties off and kissed your inner thighs… slowly. still teasing you.
— fuck please, please, give me something.
and so he did, he kissed your now bare clit and started sucking on it like a desperate, starved man. the sounds he made while eating u out were like music to your ears.
he kept alternating between licks and flicks to your bud until you came, kissing your clit over and over to ride out your high. just to get off the bed and look for your favorite vibrator. he put it on a medium speed and pressed it lightly over your clit making you moan a little too loud from the overstimulation.
— s’too much enzo, no. no. no. no, stop it.
but he knew you didn’t want him to stop, if you did actually want that you would have used your safe word. he knew how fucking greedy you were. how no matter how many times he made you cum, if he wanted you to cum again then that’s what you’d do. you’d do anything to please him. anything for him.
he pressed it harder and started dragging it along your folds only stopping once the toy was on your clit again. he loved seeing your fucked out face, and how just by playing with the bundle of nerves he could get you to look like a mess; legs sprawled out and open for him, cunt red and glistening with your own juices and his spit. it was quite the sight if you asked him.
once you had relaxed and let him have his way with you for a couple of minutes, he used his index finger to put the toy on the highest setting. making the vibrations buzz around your whole body. making you shake because of the pleasure he was providing you.
he knew you were close, he already knew every part of your body, what you liked and what you didn’t. how to make u cum, how to get you on your knees for him, and how you reacted when you were about to hit your orgasm, so without moving the toy away from you, he leaned down, sticking his tongue inside of u going in and out at a fast pace. making you close your legs around his head for that extra feeling. you were so close to the edge, literally about to let go when he says;
— you cant cum until i say so.
he proceeded to begin with his 10 second countdown he loved to do when he wanted you to beg and cry for him. he loved hearing how desperate you were to cum for him. how pretty you looked with tears in your eyes.
“10… 9…”
— m’so close please
you could literally feel the tears in your eyes.
“8… 7… 6…”
— i don’t think i’ll last, please let me cum
“5… 4… 3…“
— please please please
“2…“
— fuck enzo
“1…”
— cum baby, make a mess for me, hm?
you came, you came so fucking hard letting him guide you through it.
— good job, angel. hope you are aware of the fact that we are not finished yet. or is my little doll too dumb to think right now?
he said with a pout on his lips, faking sympathy at your fucked out state. and you would be lying if you said you didn’t want whatever the fuck it was this beautiful man standing in front of you wanted to give you.
⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ꙳⭒ ༒ ✧⋆
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yourbleedingh3art · 2 years
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First time in my life I’ve been turned down from an opportunity I was excited about just Bc i have piercings
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suzukiblu · 8 months
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what do you have for Clark kent?
Clark is the last son of Krypton.
Clark is the last of Krypton.
At least, that's what he thought thirty seconds ago.
"Uh," the kid standing in the middle of the broken-up Metropolis street in front of him says awkwardly, a gloved hand half-covering the bright and bold and undeniable emblem on his chest. There's a lot of surrounding property damage, a lot of staring civilians hovering on the sidewalk, and some very upset police officers cuffing up some very unconscious metahuman gang members. Clark can't even begin to bring himself to care about any of it. "Hey . . . ?"
"Hello," Diana says, raising a curious eyebrow at both the kid and the ridiculous mess that's somehow been made of the street. From the look of it maybe one of those gang members had some kind of tectonic-based abilities or something similar, but Clark continues not to care. "It seems we've encountered an admirer of yours, Kal."
"You're wearing that crest without permission," Bruce says flatly, looking less amused than Clark has seen him since the last time someone died on the League's watch.
Clark, meanwhile, can't say anything at all.
"Hey, Superman gave me permission, okay?!" the kid protests, bristling defensively. Clutching the emblem . . . protectively. Like he's afraid to have it taken away. "Just not, uh . . . this one."
"This one." Bruce frowns. The kid flattens his hand against his chest and just . . . shrugs, looking away. Clark can't look away from him at all. He looks like . . . he looks . . .
"Yeah," the kid says, gesturing a little directionlessly with his free hand. "I'm kinda not, like . . . local? There was like this whole thing, like with Hypertime and–it's complicated, okay? Just, like, it's an alternate reality issue. I'm sort of, uh . . . lost. Or–stranded, more like. I guess more like . . . stranded."
The kid swallows. Drops his hand away from the emblem and folds his arms over it instead.
Keeps standing there, looking like . . .
"Are you, now," Bruce says neutrally, and he's definitely going somewhere with that, but–
"You're Kryptonian," Clark blurts, because he can't hold the words back a moment longer. Diana and Bruce both go very still beside him. The kid just looks surprised.
"Uh, not really?" he says. "I mean, okay, sort of. I'm a binary clone of . . . you know, like a hybrid? Um, they based me off, well . . . our Superman. And then, like, stitched me up with human DNA to hold me together 'cuz the Kryptonian genome is a freaking nightmare and they couldn't really figure it out all that well, so otherwise I would've degraded and–uh. Sorry."
Clark feels something he doesn't think he's ever felt in his life, looking at this kid. Feels like he's been dragging himself through the uncanny valley and finally seen the other side of the thing; like he's finally crossed through the fog and darkness and come out into the clear light of day and seen what people are actually supposed to look like. Everything about him is just . . . right. The pitch of his voice, the slope of his shoulders, the way the sunlight reflects off his skin, the pattern of spokes in his irises, the color of his eyes, the weight of him in the world . . .
Clark wants to snatch this kid up and wrap him in his cape and never let anything else touch him. Never let him be hurt or upset or–or alone. Never. Not for anything.
He feels the way he's heard people describe feeling when they first met . . . when they first . . .
He feels the way he's heard people describe feeling when they first met their child. A sense of awe and wonder and . . . and . . .
He feels like he felt the first time he left the atmosphere and saw all of Earth all at once. Everything on it, everyone on it. The whole thing all together, all the same. Perfect.
Complete.
He's never loved anything this immediately, Clark realizes distantly. Not even that first full glimpse of Earth.
He can't imagine how he ever, ever could have.
"What's your name?" he asks, unable to shake the intensity of emotion held painfully tight in his chest. Not even wanting to shake it.
The kid looks–worried, almost. Puts his hands behind his back. Clark can see the full image of the El crest emblazoned in pride of place across his chest for the first time, and it makes him feel weak.
"Superboy," the kid says. "Um . . . Kon-El."
Clark's heart could burst, hearing that.
Or break.
"Kon-El," he echoes, forcing himself not to step in closer; not to crowd the kid. "I had a . . . on Krypton, before it was destroyed, there was . . ."
"A cousin. From the, uh, second house of El," the kid–Kon-El–agrees, shifting just barely anxiously. "My Superman said I . . . reminded him of him, like from what he saw in the recordings and all? So, uh . . ."
"I named you after him?" Clark asks wonderingly. He would've given the kid a human name over a Kryptonian one, himself, but then again, a public street in an alternate dimension isn't really the place for him to be introducing himself as "Jon Kent" or anything similar. Kon nods stiffly, drawing himself up a bit.
"Yeah," he says. "He said, uh–um. He said Kon-El was strong-willed. And . . . uh . . ."
He trails off, looking nervous, and then visibly steels himself and looks defensive again instead.
"He said I was family," he says, squaring his shoulders and lifting his jaw, like he's actually expecting someone to argue with him or something. "So he gave me that name."
Clark doesn't know who the hell made this kid so much as hesitate over saying that to any version of him that isn't an active supervillain, but he thinks he'd like to throw them into the Phantom Zone for a century or two. Just . . . that's all.
Or maybe three.
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kckt88 · 17 days
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Let It Be Me I.
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Summary:
Aemond and Y.N have been best friends for years, and as they approach 30 years old, Y.N decides that she wants to be a mother, so Aemond volunteers his services.
Warning(s): Language, Angst, Mentions of Past Cheating, Alternating POV, Masturbation, Kissing, Smut – Fingering, Oral Sex, P in V, Misunderstandings, Alys.
AEMOND TARGARYEN x Y.N (PAST AEMOND X ALYS)
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.
Word Count: 5383.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon or Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used.
Comments, likes, and reblogs are very much appreciated.
"Y.N, I understand your desire to become a mother, but using a stranger as a sperm donor-it just doesn't sit right with me," Aemond said, his voice laced with concern. "Why not consider asking a friend instead? Someone you know and trust?"
Y.N furrowed her brow, considering Aemond's suggestion. "You know, I did speak to Aegon yesterday" she admitted quietly. "He offered to help."
Aemond's heart sank at the mention of his older brother. While Aegon was undoubtedly kind-hearted, the thought of Y.N having a child with him filled Aemond with a sense of unease. He couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't right.
Before he could stop himself, the words tumbled out of his mouth. "Y.N, please-don't go to Aegon. Don't go to anyone else. I-I'll do it."
Y.N's eyes widened in surprise, her gaze locking with Aemond's. "What do you mean?"
Aemond took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to say. "I mean-I'll be the father; we are best friends, and we know each other, and I’ll always be around so you’d have support”.
Y.N's breath caught in her throat, her heart thundering in her chest. She had never imagined Aemond would make such a bold offer. Yet, as she looked into his eye, she saw the sincerity and love reflected there.
Tears welled up in Y.N's eyes as she reached out to grasp Aemond's hand. "Aemond, are you sure? This is a huge decision."
Aemond nodded, his resolve unwavering. "I've never been surer of anything in my life”.
“I-I guess we could try it, at least this way the baby would have their father around” replied Y.N smiling.
“So, when do you want to do this?” asked Aemond.
“Next week-it’s supposed to be my most fertile week” replied Y.N.
“Ok-is there anything I need to do to make sure everything goes smoothly?”
“I think it would be a good idea for both of us to abstain from sex with other people, until I manage to get pregnant-“
“-Not exactly an issue for me, I haven’t been with anyone since Alys-” muttered Aemond.
“Me either, I’ve not been with anyone since Jace” uttered Y.N.
Aemond grimaced at the mention of his nephew’s name, if he didn’t hate Jace before he certainly did when he started dating Y.N.
It drove Aemond insane having to listen to that bastard fucking Y.N, he spent many nights wishing it was him instead of Jace.
Not even the woman he brought back and fucked into the mattress could sway his mind away from Y.N, they’d met at university and became friends after an unfortunate incident which led Y.N tripping over and accidently throwing coffee all over him.
He normally would have raged at the stupidity of it all, but the moment he finished wiping himself off and saw those blue eyes he was done for.
Her sweet soft voice apologising to him profusely, but he wasn’t listening he just couldn’t stop staring at the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.
Looking back, he should have obeyed his first instinct and asked her out on a date, but he feared that she would reject him, as most women usually did due to the huge scar marring his face, so he settled for friendship instead and never thought to move beyond that boundary even though he wanted to, as the years went by and their friendship grew, he now feared that he would lose Y.N as a friend if he ever dared to reveal his feelings, so he kept them hidden.
He'd rather have Y.N as a friend than not have her at all.
They moved in together after university, she became part of his family, and it was like she’d always been there. His mother loved her, his father never really paid much attention to anyone or anything unless it was about his firstborn child, his darling Rhaenyra who could do no wrong, Aegon the man whore of course tried it on with her, but she quickly rebuffed him, which made Aemond love her even more, Helaena took to her immediately which was nice as it was hard for his sweet sister to make friends, and Daeron liked her too.
Everything was perfect, except it wasn’t because he wanted her, and he was too afraid to tell her.
Even getting involved with other women was an issue as he would always end up comparing them to Y.N and they would never last long, until Alys.
She was older than him, and Aemond liked that. At first things were great between them, he fell in love with her, and he felt for the first time that he could move on from Y.N but the mask slipped, and Alys began to show her true colours. Aemond would like to say he got out of that shit as soon as it started but he didn’t, he was a fool blinded by love and his cock and it wasn’t until his sister and Y.N joined forces to make him see sense, that he was finally able to escape the praying mantis that was Alys.
As always Y.N was there helping him through it, supporting him and providing words of comfort until she brought that twat of his nephew home. It turned out that whilst he was with Alys, Y.N had started something up with Jace.
Dalton, Jason and Cregan were bad enough but Jace, gods above it rankled Aemond to no end to have to see that bastard sauntering around his apartment.
More than once he found his hands drifting towards the knives, just one slip that’s all it would take. But then he’d most likely get done for murder and it wasn’t worth the hassle.
So, Aemond had to resign himself to misery every time Y.N was with Jace, but as always it didn’t last long and it pleased Aemond no end when Jace was given the boot.
Like him, Y.N could never find anyone to settle down with and she eventually gave up.
But there was a sadness in Y.N, and Aemond knew she wanted so desperately to be married and have a family as she didn’t have anything to do with her own and as much as Aemond would fold to the ground quicker than a deck of cards if he ever thought he could get away with asking her to marry him, agreeing to father her child was the next best thing.
And that’s how Aemond found himself a week after he’d made his offer, masturbating in the bathroom.
He was no stranger to self-pleasure, he’d fucked his fist many times to the thought of Y.N, but doing it like this felt weird, he would never admit it, but it did take longer than usual to rouse himself, perhaps it was because it wasn’t something that occurred naturally, Normally he’d wake up with his cock hard and throbbing other times it would happen if he saw Y.N in her short p.js or those damn lycra leggings she was fond of wearing whenever she worked out.
One time her nearly blew his load when he saw her emerge from the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, the water droplets still clinging to her-
“SHIT” moaned Aemond, as the need for release quickly shot across his abdomen.
Where was it? that damn pot thingy she gave him. He had to put his seed in there, and then he would hand it to her, and she would disappear off to her bedroom and put his seed inside herself-
“FUUUCCCCKK” roared Aemond only just managing to position the pot to catch his seed in time.
It seemed to go on forever, the jolt of pleasure running through him as he cock pulsed and released endless ropes of seed.
After he washed his hands and cleaned himself up, Aemond took hold of the pot and left the bathroom, Y.N was sitting on the sofa with her earphones in.
“Thank the fuck christ for that” muttered Aemond, his cheeks tinged pink at the thought of Y.N listening to him masturbate, although the thought did make his cock stir in his sweatpants.
“Aemond-is everything ok?” asked Y.N as she pulled out her earphones.
“It’s fine-I guess I should give you this” replied Aemond as he handed her the pot.
“Yes-thank you. I-I’ll be back in a moment,” said Y.N as she quickly disappeared into her bedroom.
Not knowing exactly what to do with himself, Aemond sat on the sofa and thumbed through one of the magazines on the coffee table.
“Tips for women: how to bag your secret crush-what a crock of shit” Aemond as he threw the magazine in the bin.
A few minutes later Y.N emerged from her bedroom, carrying the empty pot in her hand, the knowledge that his seed was now inside her made his cock respond in earnest.
Fuck-he needed to get to his bedroom and fast.
“Is everything ok?” asked Y.N a faint blush dusting her cheeks.
“F-fine, I just need to go to my room. I forgot my phone. Waiting for a work call” exclaimed Aemond as he darted out the room.
The irritated voice of Y.N carrying through the flat when she saw the magazine in the bin.
“Hey-I was reading that”.
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As the days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months, Y.N and Aemond embarked on the process of conceiving a child with optimism and excitement.
However, as time passed without any signs of success, their initial enthusiasm gave way to frustration and disappointment. Month after month, they meticulously tracked Y.N's cycle, timed their efforts with precision, and yet, each negative pregnancy test felt like a crushing blow.
One evening, as they sat together in the dim glow of their apartment, the weight of their unspoken fears hung heavy in the air. Y.N's eyes glistened with unshed tears as she voiced the thoughts that had been haunting her for weeks.
"Aemond, what if there's something wrong with me?" she whispered, her voice barely above a hoarse murmur.
Aemond's heart clenched at the pain in Y.N's voice, his own fears mirroring hers. "Y.N, don't say that" he replied, his voice laced with emotion. "There's nothing wrong with you. We just-haven't been lucky yet, that's all."
But Y.N couldn't shake the nagging doubt that gnawed at her heart. She couldn't help but wonder if her body was somehow failing her if she was somehow unworthy of the gift of motherhood.
"I know we've only been trying for a few months, but-what if it never happens?" Y.N's voice trembled with the weight of her insecurities.
Aemond reached out, gently cupping Y.N's face in his hands, his eyes filled with reassurance. "Y.N, listen to me. We're in this together, okay? Whatever happens, we'll face it together. And if we need to seek help, then we'll do it. But we're not giving up, not now, not ever."
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"Guys, I don't know what to do," Aemond admitted, his voice tinged with concern. "Y.N and I have been trying for months, and-nothing. Not even a hint of a positive test."
Aegon leaned back in his chair, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Well, maybe you're going about it the wrong way," he teased, earning a sceptical glance from Daeron. "Perhaps you should try it the natural way."
Aemond's cheeks flushed crimson at Aegon's suggestion, his embarrassment evident. "Aegon, come on. This is serious," he protested, though a small part of him couldn't help but chuckle at his brother's audacity.
Daeron rolled his eyes, shaking his head in amusement. "Aegon, sometimes I wonder if you have any sense of decorum," he remarked dryly, though a smirk played at the corners of his lips.
“Or maybe little brother’s just insecure that he’s shooting blanks, what are you nearly thirty and not one accident-with anyone” laughed Aegon as he took a swig of beer.
“Just because you’ve got fuck knows how many kids to god knows how many different women, doesn’t mean were all like that, I’ve never fucked a women raw, I always used protection” replied Aemond.
“Your not still pissed I offered her my load are you-I was only joking, well kind of-“
“-Aegon seriously. I hate it when you talk like that. Grow up” snapped Daeron.
“Ooo hark at Mr prim and proper over here, anyone would think you had a thing for Y.N”.
“No-as lovely as Y.N is she’s not my type,” said Daeron.
“What is your type?” asked Aegon.
“Men-“ said Aemond firmly.
“-I thought you liked women?” quipped Aegon.
“I’m pansexual-I’m attracted to whoever regardless of their gender or how they identify”.
“Isn’t that what Helaena is?” mused Aegon.
“No, she’s asexual, which means no sexual attraction to others” said Aemond.
“So, hang on, if your attracted to anyone, then why isn’t Y.N your type?” asked Aegon.
“Because she’s my friend and I don’t think of her in that way-“ retorted Daeron.
“Unlike captain slow over here, dude is down so bad he literally offers to father his best friends child” snarked Aegon.
“You should really tell her Aemond-“
“-What? And ruin the friendship, I can’t do that. I can’t lose what we have” replied Aemond downing his glass of whisky and grimacing at the afterburn.
“Have you not considered that she might feel the way?” asked Daeron.
“What? No” muttered Aemond.
“Look listen to your big brother-go home and suggest that you try making the baby the natural way, all this methodically planned shit is clearly causing stress, which isn’t good for either of you-so maybe fucking each other and having an orgasm or two may help”.
“What if she says no” mused Aemond.
“If she does then we’ve always got a spare room for you-“
“-Not fucking funny” snapped Aemond.
“Just make the suggestion-let her make the choice,” said Daeron.
“Ok-but if she says no then expect another roommate” muttered Aemond.
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Aemond took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation he was about to have with Y.N. As they sat together in the quiet comfort of their apartment, the weight of their unspoken desires hung heavy in the air.
"Y.N, I've been thinking," Aemond began, his voice tentative yet resolute. "Maybe-maybe we've been going about this the wrong way. Maybe instead of focusing so much on timing and tracking, we should-try things more naturally."
Y.N's brow furrowed in confusion, her eyes searching Aemond's face for clarity. "What do you mean, Aemond?"
Aemond hesitated, unsure of how to articulate the swirling emotions that churned within him. "I mean-maybe we could try having sex with each other”
Y.N's breath caught in her throat at Aemond's words, her heart pounding with a mixture of longing and apprehension. She had spent countless nights secretly yearning for Aemond, yet the fear of ruining their friendship had kept her from confessing her true feelings.
"Aemond, I-I don't want to risk our friendship," Y.N admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "What if-what if this changes everything between us?"
Aemond reached out, gently taking Y.N's hand in his own, his gaze soft yet determined. "Y.N, our friendship means everything to me and if you decide that we should just continue trying as we have been then I will respect your decision”.
Y.N sat quiet for a moment as she thought about what Aemond had suggested, clearly what they were already doing wasn’t working but maybe this could.
Gods she had been in love with Aemond ever since she’d tripped and thrown her coffee all over him. Features so sharp it looked like he’d been carved by the gods themselves, his singular eye was a shade of blue that she had never seen before, he was so beautiful. Initially his face had been twisted in anger and annoyance but then it softened and relaxed.
Admittedly she was left feeling disappointed that he’d not asked her out, and her shyness prevented her from asking him, so she settled for the friendship that blossomed between them.
Having no family of her own, she became part of his and it was truly wonderful. His mother Alicent, wow her curly auburn hair was incredible was quite nice, his father was disinterested and looked like he could play an extra from night of the living dead, his older brother Aegon had more kids than she had hot dinners was a bit of a cheeky chancer but nothing she couldn’t handle, his sister Helaena was sweet and whimsical in a way that warmed her heart and Daeron he was sensible and funny.
But she was a coward, too scared to tell Aemond how she felt, the possibility of ruining their friendship was heartbreaking but it was also the potential loss of his family that added to her reluctance.
Being alone for along time, you think you’re ok with it, just going through the motions but once you experience that closeness you truly realise how alone you are, and it saddened her deeply.
Aemond didn’t seem interested in her in that way, judging from all the women he fucked, at first, she tried to ignore it but then she thought why not take a leaf out of his book and get involved with someone.
Admittedly though giving her virginity to Dalton Greyjoy was a mistake, he barely lasted and to get through it she had to fantasise about Aemond, then there was Jason Lannister, he was a bit better but still a selfish prick.
Cregan Stark was a very giving lover, he never left her wanting, the only problem was that he wasn’t Aemond, and inevitably the relationship didn’t last long.
Then Aemond met her. Alys fucking Rivers. You’d think older would mean more mature, but no she was about as mature as the cheese you would find in the fridge, the blue veiny kind that smelled like feet.
It broke her heart to see Aemond so happy, but there wasn’t much she could do, and she would often escape their apartment whenever Alys was around and cry on Helaena’s shoulder.
Aemond’s sweet sister knew of her feelings for Aemond and often provided a welcome distraction from the disgusting display Alys would often make as she draped herself all over Aemond every chance she got, and their friendship wasn’t as close when she was around.
But then things started to go wrong, and Alys revealed her true self. The lies, the emotional and verbal abuse, even the cheating. But Aemond kept going back to her, time and time again, until one day she and Helaena took it upon themselves to sort that bitch out.
Helaena was the one who talked sense into Aemond and Y.N took great pleasure in giving her a good slap before throwing her out of the apartment.
Things seemed back to normal after that, until Y.N had to tell Aemond that she was involved with his nephew Jace.
If Aemond could have gritted his teeth any harder then he would have broken his jaw, the thing with Jace had initially started when Aemond was dating Alys, and Y.N understood that there maybe issues given that it was Jace’s younger brother Luke who cost Aemond his eye when they were children, but she was lonely and just needed a distraction from her feelings.
Although his posture and hair cut were atrocious, Jace was nice enough, but once again she kept comparing him to Aemond and then began to feel weird about Jace being his nephew and eventually it came to an end.
After one dating disaster after another, Y.N resigned herself to being single forever. Which saddened her deeply, she wanted to get married she wanted children. So, one day she decided why not be a mother, she had a steady job and enough savings, that maybe she could do it on her own. People used sperm banks all the time, so why couldn’t she.
Helaena was supportive and suggested asking someone she knew first, admittedly asking Aegon was a mistake, but it was a request made out of the fact that not only did she know Aegon but due to all his children, she knew his soldiers were marching, it was just the idea of tying herself to him as so many others had done which changed her mind.
So, sperm bank it was, at least they did the necessary checks, but in the end, she had no need for it as Aemond offered to father her child.
As surprising as it was, she was not opposed to the idea. Aemond was after all her best friend and she trusted him beyond all measure, so she accepted his offer.
Explaining the mechanics of the offer to Aemond had been mortifying, especially when she presented him with the pot, he would put his seed in.
Listening to him masturbate in the bathroom though had been a treat, his groans of frustration filtered through the apartment and if Y.N was brave she would have offered to help him, but she was a coward, so she put her earphones in, not like that helped much as the noise he made when he came, made her stomach flutter and her core clench.
When he handed her the pot, his cheeks were tinged pink and fuck he was still hard, she could see the outline of his cock through his sweatpants.
She excused herself, went to her room and did what she needed to do, when she emerged Aemond was hovering in the living room, his eye blown wide and his cheeks red.
Fuck his cock was straining hard against the fabric of his sweatpants, Y.N couldn’t help but move closer to him, but when she asked if he was ok, he seem startled and raced off to his room, going on about his mobile.
“Ok-now where is my-“ muttered Y.N as she looked for her magazine, only to see it in the bin. That fucker had thrown it away.
Over the next few weeks, they continued with their arrangement, but it wasn’t working. No pregnancy ever materialized, and she began to feel like there was something wrong with her, but Aemond supported her and promised that they weren’t going to give up.
She never imagined not giving up would result in him suggesting they try to conceive a child by having sex, but here they were in the living room with the weight of his suggestion hanging in the air.
Of course, it did make sense, but she was worried about it changing their friendship, and not only that she didn’t want to lose his family that taken her in as one of their own.
He said she could turn him down, that it was her choice to make, and it made her heart flutter. She could say no, she probably should say no but the only words that left her mouth was acceptance.
“Ok-let’s have sex” said Y.N.
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Aemond had thought all his Christmases had come at once when Y.N took his hand and led him to her bedroom.
“Are you sure about this?” asked Aemond as he closed the door.
“I’m sure-now fuck a baby into me” replied Y.N as she pressed forward and claimed his lips with her own.
The kiss was filthy, it was depraved, and it was fucking amazing. Aemond couldn’t help the small groan that escaped his tips as Y.N’s tongue slid against his.
This was everything he’d ever wanted, and fuck she tasted divine.
Aemond slowly moved his hands down Y.N’s body before roughly grasping her ass and hauling her up against the door.
Y.N whimpered, gripping at Aemond’s shoulders as he slotted himself between her legs, his tongue still invading her mouth.
Aemond pressed himself against the apex of Y.N’s thighs, and he growls like an animal when she reaches down and palms his hard cock over his sweatpants.
“Fuck-“ groans Aemond as he began to grind his clothed cock against her.
“Someone’s eager” whispered Y.N as she flicked her tongue against the corner of Aemond’s mouth.
“Oh, sweet girl you have no idea” quipped Aemond as she spun her off the door and carried her to her bed.
Soon their clothes are abandoned in a haphazard heap on the floor and Aemond was laid between Y.N open legs moving his fingers through her dripping folds as he expertly devoured her with his mouth, his nose bumping against her pearl as fucked her with his tongue.
Gods, she tasted delicious here too. Obviously, this wasn’t required to make a baby but he couldn’t help himself, he needed her wet and wanting.
Aemond loved performing oral sex on women, something his past partners never complained about, but nothing compared to Y.N she was delicious in a way he’d never tasted before.
“Fuck,” squeaks Y.N as she grasps at the back of Aemond’s head, her fingers digging into his hair, holding him in place.
“You’re quite sensitive. Are you going to come already?” asked Aemond smugly.
Aemond alternates between using his fingers and tongue to bring Y.N to her peak.
Y.N arches her back as she comes, Aemond gently sucks on her pearl as she rides out the euphoria of her peak.
“Is that you done baby, or do you want more?” asked Aemond playfully, his chin shining with her slick.
“M-More, please” gasps Y.N as Aemond reaches forward and presses a singular kiss to her pearl before he quickly wipes his chin with his hand.
Aemond smirks as he removes his boxers, his hard cock slapping up against his abdomen,
Y.N looks at Aemond and her eyes widen, he was bigger than anyone she’d been with previously significantly so, his cock hard and heavy, the tip glistening with pre-cum.
“Don’t worry little bird-it will fit” whispered Aemond as he presses his lips against Y.N’s in a heated kiss.
Aemond takes himself in his hand and guides his hard cock to Y.N entrance, pushing in slowly and pausing to give her a moment to adapt to his size.
After pressing a gentle kiss to Y.N’s lips, Aemond pulls out slowly and slides back in, his pace gentle and steady.
“Harder-faster, please daddy I can take it” exclaimed Y.N.
Aemond lets out a pleased grunt and slams into Y.N hard, smiling as she lets out a yelp of surprise.
The pace he sets is brutal, his hips slapping against hers, all the pent up frustration of wanting her pouring out of him.
Y.N moans desperately, as she moves her hips to meet his, attempting to allow his cock to reach deeper within her.
Aemond gets the hint, and quickly lifts Y.N’s legs over his shoulders, using the new angle to drive his cock even deeper than before.
“Tell me how it feels” demands Aemond.
“It’s good, so good-yes-yes you feel so good”
Y.N praises sets something off inside Aemond as he continues to pound into her, the headboard banging against the wall from the force of his movements.
“Aemond, please, I’m close” whimpers Y.N.
Aemond moves a hand down to where the two of them are joined, and rubs Y.N’s pearl in quick circles, dragging her closer the edge of the precipice.
“I never want to leave this sweet pussy–fuck,” groans Aemond as he marks each of his words in tandem with a rough snap of his hips.
Y.N come with a loud, scream, her body shaking underneath Aemond’s as his thrusts grow sloppy.
“J-Just a little longer-fuck” groans Aemond as he slams into Y.N three more times before reaching his own peak, spilling rope after rope of seed inside her.
After a few moments, Aemond gently moves Y.N’s legs from his shoulders, his chest heaving with every breath he takes.
“I-I wasn’t too rough, was I?” asked Aemond.
“No. I-It was wonderful” exclaimed Y.N, her body shaking slightly.
Aemond smirks as he slowly removes his softened cock from her slick cunt, his singular eye fixated on the drops of seed that spill out.
He takes a finger to Y.N’s opening and pushes his seed back inside, delighting in her moan of surprise.
“Can’t be wasting it now can we” whispered Aemond as he laid down on the bed and pulled Y.N to him.
“I guess not” replied Y.N her eyes closed as she smiled slightly.
“Not tired, are you?” asked Aemond curiously as Y.N laid her head on his chest and began running her fingers through the sparse hair that graced his chest.
Y.N looked at him and smiled as she shook her head.
“Good, because I plan to fill you with my seed many times this night-”.
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Over the next few weeks, Aemond and Y.N spent many nights entwined in bed, sometimes they didn’t even make it to the bedroom.
Aemond had practically taken her on every available surface in their apartment, he was unrestrained and ravenous.
Never had Y.N experienced such pleasure, that it often left her unable to walk straight, something that Aegon liked to tease her about quite frequently.
But a swift dig to the ribs would often sort him out and wipe that cheeky grin off his face.
Whilst all the sex with Aemond was enjoyable there was a purpose behind it and Y.N was on pins the day her period was due, but it never came, nor did it arrive the next day or the day after that.
Not wanting to get her hopes up too much, Y.N made an appointment with the Drs and anxiously waited for the news.
Later that day Y.N's heart raced with anticipation as she stepped through the door of their apartment.
"Aemond!" she called out, her voice trembling with excitement as she searched for him. "Aemond, where are you?"
Aemond emerged from the living room, a curious expression on his face as he caught sight of Y.N's radiant smile. "Y.N, what's going on?”
Y.N's smile widened as she held out a piece of paper, her hands trembling with excitement. "Aemond, I went to the doctor today- and guess what? We're going to have a baby!"
Aemond's eye widened in disbelief as he took in Y.N's words, the reality of her announcement sinking in. "Y.N, are you serious?" he exclaimed, his voice tinged with awe and wonder.
Y.N nodded eagerly, tears of joy shimmering in her eyes. "Yes, Aemond, I'm serious! The doctor confirmed it-we're going to be parents!"
Aemond's heart swelled with overwhelming emotion as he pulled Y.N into his arms, holding her tightly against his chest. "Y.N, this is incredible," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "I can't believe it-we're going to have a baby."
But then out of the corner of her eye, Y.N noticed a figure sitting on their couch.
"Alys-what are you doing here?" Y.N managed to choke out, her voice trembling with a mixture of confusion and apprehension.
Alys looked up, her expression a mix of surprise and discomfort. "I... I came to see Aemond," she replied, her voice faltering slightly. "I didn't realize you would be here."
“I live here” retorted Y.N her voice dripping with venom.
"Did I hear you say that you were pregnant?” asked Alys.
“Yes, you did, Aemond is the father-“ said Y.N through gritted teeth.
“I-I didn't know you and Aemond were-together," Alys finally stammered, her voice barely above a whisper.
Y.N felt a lump form in her throat as Aemond's response echoed in her ears. "We're not together," he said simply, his words like a dagger to her heart.
The realization hit Y.N like a tidal wave, washing over her with a force she could scarcely comprehend. In that moment, the truth of their relationship – or lack thereof – crashed down upon her, leaving her feeling lost and alone.
Tears welled up in Y.N's eyes as she struggled to make sense of it all. The joy of her pregnancy announcement now tainted by the crushing weight of rejection.
Aemond's heart clenched with anguish as he watched the devastation wash over Y.N's face. The weight of his words hung heavy in the air, a painful reminder of the hurt he had unwittingly caused.
"Y.N, I'm so sorry," Aemond began, his voice laced with regret as he reached out to her. But before he could utter another word, Y.N pulled away, her eyes brimming with tears as she fled to her bedroom, the sound of her sobs echoing in the empty space.
TBC
190 notes · View notes
kaciidubs · 5 months
Text
Words I don't Mean
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❣ Summary: He just wanted to lose himself in you, instead he lost himself in his own mind - but you were there to bring him back. ❣  ❣ Word Count: 982 ❣ Warnings: Mean Dom! Reader, Sub! Chan, subdrop, use of safeword, mention of sex toy [dildo], mention of spanking, implied degradation, implied smut, fluff, comfort, slight angst, feelings of inadequacy, self doubt, aftercare, words of affirmation, praise, cuddling ❣  ❣ Female! Reader [No use of Y/N] | You/Your pronouns ❣  ❣ Additional Tags: Chan is referred to as Chris, Channie, baby, my love, baby boy, and pretty boy, unedited ❣ Stray Kids Masterlist ❣ General Masterlist
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He usually liked when you called him useless.
He usually liked when you said he wasn't good for anything but your pleasure.
So why did the words that usually drove him crazy with need, suddenly send a pang of shame through his chest?
He shook it off, putting it up to him not expecting you to go so hard so soon, but when you called him your 'brainless little slut' he felt the spiral begin.
Did you really think we was stupid? Worthless? Had you finally seen him as inferior as he's been feeling lately?
Nothing was going right for him this past week, so he jumped at the proposition of play time to hand off all of the stress he's been feeling; however, it seemed like the clutches of responsibility would not let him go.
Your hands were firm against his hips, seemingly rougher than usual, his ass stung from the force of your palm on his cheek - he usually loved it, so why was his heart aching?
Tough it out, Channie. You like this, Channie. She's doing this for you and this is how you repay her?
His hands fisted the sheets underneath him, the once euphoric fog of pleasure suddenly turning heavy and stale.
You asked for this, you told her you wanted this, are you gonna disappoint her too?
His head was swimming, he felt like he was drowning on air - he needed this, he needed this.
If you can't do this, what are you good for? What have you ever been good for?
"Chris?"
He squeezed his eyes tight, tongue heavy in his mouth.
"Chris? Baby, what's your color?"
"N-No..."
His voice didn't sound like his own - did he even speak?
"Baby boy, can you give me a color, please?" Your touch, softer, slid up his back, you weren't blind to the slight flinch of the man underneath you.
"P-Please," a weak sob fell from his lips, his head pressing further against the mattress, "'m okay, just use me - u-use me-"
"Pear." The alternate safeword, gentler than red, floated past your lips and you felt his body relax. "I'm gonna pull out, okay, baby?"
Chris nodded, taking a short breath as the dildo slid out of him - no drag of pleasure, just the dull pang of emptiness that weighed on his heart.
He could hear you shuffle around, feel the bed dip and move underneath him until a hand caressed the side of his face.
"Channie? My love?" You cooed softly, wiping away a warm tear trailing down his cheek, "Can you look at me?"
It took almost too much effort for him to wrench his eyes open, blinking away the sting to look up at you through watery eyes; the gentle gaze you gave him making his bottom lip tremble.
"There's my pretty boy - my sweet, sweet Channie, can I hold you?"
Short questions, yes or no, none of them a life or death situation and encouraged him away from sinking further into himself. It was rare for him to experience a drop, and even rarer for it to happen in the middle of a scene, but you could investigate the cause or it at a later time.
He nodded his head, heart fluttering just a bit when you nodded in reply; watching you position yourself into laying down on your back and welcoming him with open arms.
Wasting no time, he shuffled himself closer, his head laid right above your heart while his legs tangled themselves with yours, arms sliding to wrap around your waist,
The gentle thumps calmed him, the rise and fall of your chest reminding him how to breathe, the feeling of your fingers threading through his hair reassuring him that he was okay, he was safe.
"...do you really think I'm worthless?" He suddenly spoke, shocking both you and himself, though he couldn't seem to stop. "That I'm not... good enough? A-Am I not enough?"
"No, no, baby," your free hand went to cradle his cheek again, holding him close, "you're none of those things, you hear me? You're amazing, smart, talented, more than enough as a person could be - I don't mean any of those words I said, you know that, right?"
There was a pause, a moment of hesitation you knew better than anyone, and you were sure he could've heard your heart break if he was listening close enough.
"Pretty boy, my darling Christopher, you mean more to me than I could ever express - you mean more to the world than you could ever know." A soft breath of a laugh passed your lips, you could feel his cheek twitch with what you could imagine to be a small hint of a smile. "I know it's hard to get out of that smart, beautiful brain of yours, but I'll do everything I can to remind you that you are enough - you are more than enough."
This time, the silence wasn't filled with hesitation, but acceptance - surrendering the buzzing of his mind to the soothing scratch of your nails against his scalp and the soft breeze of your breath across his forehead.
"Can..." He sighed out a shaky breath, the fog slowly beginning to clear, "Can you keep holding me?"
You nodded, turning your head to press a gentle kiss to his forehead, "I'll hold you as long as you want, and when you're ready, we can take a bath and I'll hold you then, too."
A small, happy hum vibrated through him, anticipating the soothing smell of lavender bath oil. "And when we go to bed?"
"Especially when we go to bed - and when we wake up, and when I see you after work, and when you come home."
His shoulders shook, a laugh, a short breath of things getting better.
"I love you."
"I love you, my darling Channie, my wonderful Chris, my more than enough Christopher."
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saulocept · 1 year
Text
come pour yourself all over me
pairing: sebastian sallow/reader/ominis gaunt [poly]
rating: g
summary: Maybe you’ll learn your lesson this time and remember not to forget your gloves. Or maybe you won’t. Sometimes the alternative is just better.
notes: someone actually asked to see the poly fic, so it’s here! i didn’t use the prompt they sent, but i’m grateful anyway. i might actually work on it the next if i have the time and inspiration, so this is for u lovely anon - you know who u r! lots of liberties taken in here, so apologies in advance. 
also: no more love triangles! we each have two hands so we intend to use it! 
You’ve made a mistake, a grave one, though it’s something you’ll only realize much later, when everything’s far too late to take back. Okay, so maybe you’re exaggerating a little, but there’s so much going on already it’s hard to think straight. You’re already running late as it is, and you’re not even sure you’ll make it long enough to live through the consequences. Still, now that you think about it, it’s better this way, to be honest.
You huff out a quiet sigh, leaning back against your seat, wondering if you’ll still make it in time if you run back to your mother’s house and grab everything you’d left behind. You know it wouldn’t work, not really; you’re already halfway through your destination, closer to the end goal than the starting line. It would be a greater waste of time to go back; you know this, of course, but it doesn’t stop you from wishing, anyway, thinking about all the possibilities, the different kinds of outcomes that could still happen.
You aren’t going to be the only one who’s late; it’s a natural occurrence, after all, something you can’t really stop or control, but even the thought of it doesn’t seem as comforting as you’d initially thought. You don’t want to be late, period, not when you’ve spent all this time being a model student and bringing honor to your house.
In retrospect, though, that feels like a very small thing to be hung up on, especially when you’ve got a much bigger thing to worry about. Like having freezing hands, for example. Or maybe dying from the cold.
Still, there’s not much you can do about it now. The train ride doesn’t stop for anyone, and even if it could, where else would you go? Your mother’s house is too far away now, and you’ve not been here in this place long enough that you’d know every nook and cranny, every possible shortcut there is to discover.
You breathe out another sigh, turning your head to glance at the windows outside. Whatever. It’s not like anyone’s ever died from frozen hands. Or maybe someone had and you just haven’t heard of it yet. Maybe you’ll even be the first to find out. Not that it matters anymore.
The train glides into a slow stop, and you see now that you’ve finally arrived. Breathing out a sigh (and accepting your inevitable demise), you shove your hands into the pockets of your coat, then slowly make your way to the glass doors, exiting the vehicle.
It’s not nearly as crowded today, which makes everything a little easier. Small victories, you think, breathing out a sigh of relief as your feet finally meet the snow-packed ground. Not quite a victory, though, because now the hardest part of your journey begins.
It’s a struggle; it’s too cold out, and even through the layers of your clothes, you can still feel the chill. Still, you press on, putting one foot forward, knowing that you don’t have much of a choice in this. You’re not that far from the school now, and though normally, you wouldn’t have minded the walk, thinking of it as an opportunity to acquaint yourselves with your surroundings, now it just feels like torture.
At this point, you’re just trying to survive. Your teeth chatter, and the freezing wind beats at your back, but you ignore it, focusing instead on your surroundings, making up stories about the shops and buildings you occasionally pass by to distract yourself.
You pause for a second, rub your palms together, pressing them against your cheeks in an attempt to keep warm. It barely works; you’re still cold all over, nearly ten seconds away from freezing to death, and somehow, the school seems even farther than ever. Has it always been like this or is it only because you’re almost dying?
Your hands are growing number, colder, and you flex your fingers a little, just to see if they still work. They do. Good. Time to move on. You bite the inside of your cheek, trying not to shiver. You’re almost there, you tell yourself, just to cheer yourself up, have something to look forward to. You’re not sure if it’s true, but you have to believe it is.
The sound of your name stops you in your tracks, and for a second, you wonder if you’re just making it up, hallucinating. Are you having flashbacks now, reliving a life that’s long lost? You reach up, pinch your cheek. It still feels warm enough, more than your hands at least, so that must mean you’re still alive.
Ready to dismiss everything as a product of your imagination, you press on once more, curling your arms around yourself and hissing. There it is again – the sound of your name, coming from somewhere behind you. Frowning, you quickly turn your head, spotting a familiar pair of faces a few feet away from you.
You raise a hand, wave at them, unable to stop yourself from smiling. Quickly, you jog over to where they are, stopping as soon as you’re in front of them. “Ominis, Sebastian,” you say, shoving your hands back in your pockets as you give each of them a nod. Somehow, the sight of them feels comforting, and you can’t help but beam at them. “You’re both late, too.”
Ominis nudges Sebastian’s foot with his shoe. “Someone,” he begins, glaring at his companion for emphasis, “actually forgot to wake on time.”
Sebastian shrugs, then turns to face you, smiling playfully as he gives you a quick onceover. “Clearly I wasn’t the only one.”
“You forgot to set an alarm, too?”
He looks confused for a second, like he doesn’t quite understand, then quickly shakes his head. “No,” he replies. There’s a thoughtful pause that follows, like he’s trying to decide what he should tell you. “We got too caught up in our experiments and lost track of the time.”
You raise a curious brow, inviting him to elaborate, but he only shrugs at you, smiling again. It’s a different kind this time: vague and tiny, not quite reaching his eyes. Almost distant. You’ve been a part of his “experiments” before – which is really just an elaborate term to say that they’ve been learning more of the dark arts spells – so there’s no reason for him to keep this as a secret from you.
Still, you don’t press him for details; you figure that he’ll just tell you all about it when he’s ready, and all you have to do is to just give him time.
“Okay,” you say, reaching out to give him a comforting pat on the shoulder. He relaxes beneath your touch, all the tension from his body disappearing all at once. “But you’ll tell me all about it later?”
“Of course.” The answer’s quick, given without hesitation. He looks up to meet your eyes, then gives you another smile. Warm, genuine – not likes the ones you’re used to. Even now, the sight of it is quick to turn you into a mush. Here, his voice has grown softer, fonder, like he’s telling you a secret – something that’s meant only for you. “I wouldn’t dream of leaving you behind.”
Ominis nudges his foot once more, frowning. “I think you’re forgetting something.”
“Oh!” Sebastian clears his throat, then opens his mouth to try again. “Of course—” he pauses, casts a quick glance at his companion, then turns to look at you again: a twinkle in his eyes, a teasing smile on his lips: “We wouldn’t dream of leaving you behind.”
You laugh, rolling your eyes. Already, the day seems to be looking up for you. “Much better.”
There’s a moment of silence between the three of you, slightly awkward. There isn’t much to say after that, you know, nothing else except for the fact that all three of you are already even running later than ever, but before you could even get the words out, Sebastian’s cutting you off, staring at you with an obvious frown.
“You’re not wearing any gloves.” It’s a statement more than a question, and it’s making you nervous somehow, even if you can’t quite tell why. You cast a glance at Ominis, who now has his head turned to you, his eyebrows furrowed slightly in concern. You know he can’t see you, not really, but still; having both their attention already feels too much, too overwhelming.
“I forgot them,” you reply, shifting your weight from one foot to another as you try to affect a lighter tone. Now that you’re saying it out loud, it really doesn’t feel like a big deal. Okay, so you forgot your gloves at home and you don’t have the time to think about replacing them. Who cares? At this point, there’s a bigger thing to worry about, like not being extra late to your first class.
This time, it’s Ominis who speaks. “You didn’t think to come back for them?” he asks, still frowning. There’s no sharpness to his voice, only worry, genuine enough to make you feel guilty. “You could die from the cold, you know.”
“I didn’t want to be late,” you explain, like it would somehow justify your earlier stupidity. You know, it wouldn’t, not really, but it’s not like you can think up of a better excuse. The truth’s all you’ve got, and it sounds even more ridiculous than the lies you usually come up with. “I only realized it when I was halfway through the ride, so I just figured coming back wouldn’t be worth it.”
This time, it’s Sebastian’s turn to speak. “I suppose they wouldn’t have called you a model student for nothing,” he remarks, snorting in amusement. You give him a glare in response; Ominis elbows him in the side, chiding, though Sebastian only laughs, turns his focus back on you. “Alright. Let me see your hands.”
It’s an easy enough request to grant. You take your hands out of your pockets, then gingerly present it to him for inspection. Gently, he takes one hand into his, turns it this way and that, frowning as he looks up at you again. “You’re freezing. How long have you been walking in here again?”
“Er, a few minutes, I think?” you reply. He gives you a disbelieving look, and you bite your lower lip, hurrying to explain, “I figured I could just get warm as soon as I’m back at school, you know, so I was trying to hurry.”
He opens his mouth like he wants to say something else, then shakes his head and sighs, seemingly exasperated. “I can’t believe you.”
You frown at him. “It’s not like I—”
“Here,” Ominis steps forward in your direction, interrupting whatever argument’s brewing between you and his companion. “Let me see.”
He doesn’t wait for a response. Blindly, he reaches for your hands, takes both of them in his. He frowns, though he doesn’t say anything else. Gently, he rubs his hands against yours, then presses them against his cheek – the same thing you did before, you note, though he’s warmer. Softer.
“There,” he says after a moment.  He’s still not letting go of your hands, though his grip is a little looser now – something you can slip away from if you so much as you want to. But he’s warm, and he’s soft, gently tracing circles all over your skin. A gesture of comfort, you think. Or maybe some other form of reassurance – a reminder of his presence, warm and stalwart. You’re not sure what it means, but it doesn’t mean you want him to stop. He looks up at you then, smiling a little, “A little better now, I hope.”
“Thank you,” you reply, and your voice is thick with emotion. You’re almost certain he could hear the smile in your voice, how you’re beaming at him so widely you look ridiculous.
“Of course.” He nods; if he’s ever noticed that, he doesn’t say anything about it. Instead, he squeezes your hand gently. You watch as his smile widens just a little, turns into something teasing. You’re still wondering what any of this means when he casts a glance at his companion, then turns to you as he adds an afterthought: “Aren’t you glad I’m here to save the day?”
Sebastian kicks him lightly in the ankle – more of a warning than a threat, and he rolls his eyes, laughing. “Alright,” he concedes, the smile still on his lips, prettier than ever, “We. Even though I’m doing most of the work.”
Sebastian rolls his eyes in response, though he marches over to you, reaching out to grab your other hand in his. His grip is much firmer, like he’s got no intention of letting you go soon. His touch is warm, though it’s a different kind; more like wildfire: harsh and burning, as opposed to Ominis’s campfire: gentle, cozy. Still, it’s not entirely unwelcome.
“You’re not doing most of the work,” he protests, imitating Ominis’s actions: tracing circles along your skin, vague patterns that seem more like magical symbols than anything. There’s a certain roughness to the way he does it, likely brought on by his frustration, and upon realizing what he’s doing, he pauses for a second, then goes slower, gentler. He looks up and meet your eyes, giving you a sheepish smile – a quiet apology, you’re sure of it. You nod, smile back at him in response, then squeeze his hand. All’s easily forgiven when you know he doesn’t mean to hurt you in the first place. He squeezes back, grateful, then turns his attention back on Ominis. “See?”
Ominis only laughs in response, shaking his head. “I hope you know that we’re even later now because of your antics, Sebastian.”
“You’re as much to blame in this as I am,” Sebastian grumbles, giving his companion a glare. Ominis, however, remains completely unfazed.
He shakes his head again, then turns to face you. “Come on,” he says, tugging at your wrist. He pulls you toward the direction of the school: one hand on his wand, the other still holding yours, tracing absent circles along the inside of your wrist. “Let’s go. Or we’re going to be really late.”
You nod, and the two of you follow after him, the both of them still holding your hands, with no intention of letting go. Huh. Somehow, you don’t seem to mind this at all. -
It’s quiet for the longest time, until Sebastian turns to you, saying your name. He looks thoughtful.
“Hey,” he says. You give him a curious look, waiting. His voice has gone oddly soft, conspiratorial, and you can’t help but feel a little suspicious. What is he up to this time? “I was just wondering—” here, he pauses, lets his words sink in – “Why didn’t you just use a spell to keep warm?”
You feel your cheeks heating up. On the other side of you, you hear a familiar snicker: quiet, subdued; it’s still obvious, anyway, and it only serves to make you even more embarrassed. You narrow your eyes, glare at him, ready to just melt into the ground and disappear. “Shut up.”
He only smirks at you in return.
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Text
SAPPHIC ARTISTS TO LISTEN TO
(instead of writing your 69th essay about how Taylor Swift is a closet lesbian)
Starting off with my holy trinity:
Rina Sawayama (she/her, bi/pan): if you follow me you're probably aware of what a huge Rina fan I am. Lots of pop and rock, with a chunk of her earlier songs being R&B. Her debut album SAWAYAMA (my favourite album of all time!!) was her major breakthrough moment as it received critical acclaim and her sophomore album Hold the Girl made her the highest charting Japanese artist in the history of the UK. Known for her musical versatility, she made her acting debut in John Wick 4. I recommend: Cherry, Frankenstein and Bad Friend
Janelle Monáe (she/they, bi/pan): pop, funk, neo-soul and psychedelic. They have an entire series of concept albums about an android named Cindy Mayweather (her ALTER EGO?!) as she commits the crime of falling in love with a human. Lots of social commentary. Her album Dirty Computer comes along with a narrative film and a book taking place in its world. She's starred in movies like Antebellum, Glass Onion and Moonlight. I recommend: Electric Lady, Django Jane and Pynk
Raveena Aurora (she/her, bi): Experimental pop, R&B and soul. Her second album Asha's Awakening is a concept album following the journey of Asha, a Punjabi space princess, as it explores Aurora's South Asian identity and past relationships. Such a beautiful and soft voice to die for. I recommend: Headaches, If Only and Kathy Left 4 Kathmandu
Moving onto some other artists I like:
Boygenius: a band comprising of three sapphic women- Phoebe Bridgers (indie darling™), Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker (the first two are bi while the third is a lesbian). Indie, folk and alternative rock. Very melancholic. I urge you to check out their individual projects too (especially Phoebe's, I love her Punisher album). I recommend: Emily I'm Sorry, Satanist and True Blue
Kelela (she/her, queer): R&G, electronic and alternative R&B. Her debut EP Hallucinogen covers the beginning, middle and end of a relationship in reverse chronological order. Her second album Raven showcases Black futuristic art, which I fuck with. I recommend: Contact, The High and Bluff
Zolita (she/her, lesbian): dark-pop, R&B and electropop. She incorporates witchcraft into her music and mvs. She literally has an EP called Sappho what more could you want? I recommend: Holy, Ashley (the sapphic Speak Now) and Bedspell
Victoria Monét (she/her, bi): pop and R&B. She's written songs for artists like Ariana Grande (7 Rings) and Chloe x Halle (Do It). Go stream her Jaguar EP you will thank me later. I recommend: Touch Me (erotic sapphic song), Cupid and Love U Better
And finally some honourable mentions (can't make this post too long now can I): mxmtoon, Michelle Zauner, Arooj Aftab, Sir Babygirl, Dodie, Chloe Moriondo, Lauren Jauregui, Baby Queen, Sara and Teagan, The Butchies, Sofya Wang and Melissa Etheridge
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sluttywonwoo · 10 months
Note
can't stop thinking about the guys(skz,svt and atz I have too much free time) cumming too soon like what would make them cum and how would they react why do I wanna cry bro idk
i wanna cry too it’s ok (answering for svt in this ask but if u wanna see one of the other groups send another)
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seungcheol: it doesn’t happen to him often… maybe when he’s tired or it’s been a while and when it does, he turns it around on you lmfao like “why did you clench like that, you know what it does to me” >:(
jeonghan: if his dick is in your mouth… he’s probably cumming. like seungcheol, how is it his fault that your mouth feels that good?? he’d be embarrassed though and make it up to you by eating you out (which he was going to do anyway)
joshua: he’s usually pretty good about slowing down when he gets too close but sometimes even that isn’t enough to stop him from cumming and he’s filling you up without warning. his voice is so raspy as he mumbles apologies into your mouth. he knows you think it’s hot but he’s still embarrassed by it.
jun: it’s like a game he plays with himself, thinking he can last even when he can’t. edging himself until it becomes too much. he’s more frustrated by it than anything. he’s just like “damn, sorry babe” but will keep fucking you through his own oversensitivity to make you cum
soonyoung: can happen at the drop of a hat tbh. he’s got crazy stamina but for him that means he can go again and again even right after cumming (and that’s what he does)
wonwoo: it only happens when he’s been teasing you for so long that he’s incredibly worked up too and can’t help himself. so so embarrassed but pushes it down and plays it off. he’d punish you instead since it is your fault (ahem jeongcheol) and overstimulate you until he’s ready to go again
jihoon: it usually happens when you’re on top. something about you riding him makes jihoon lose control… and when he does, he can’t even bring himself to look at you for a couple of minutes. this is easily fixed, though, because you just have to get him hard again and he’ll forget all about the embarrassment (for the time being)
seokmin: if we’re being honest, he could cum from just your hand feeling him up over his pants. he’s just so into you and it’s easy for him to get carried away with how good your touch feels. but next thing you know he’s literally moaning apologies into your cunt as he eats you out
mingyu: most likely to happen for him if he’s fucking you raw… which is a problem in of itself but he’s usually able to pull out in time to just cum all over you. it makes a mess but it’s safer than the alternative and he’ll spend the next several minutes sheepishly cleaning you up while you lay there unimpressed.
minghao: he can make quickies quick. if you don’t have a lot of time, he puts all of his focus on cumming as fast as possible and sometimes it happens too fast. he likes to make you cum first so it always makes him feel guilty if he’s finishing way earlier than you, but he’ll drop to his knees and finish you off before you can even register what’s happened.
seungkwan: he loves praise but he also gets super flustered by it so if you’re praising him a lot in bed he might just lose it. it isn’t very common for him but when it does happen he tries to be casual about it. for him, being casual means pretending like nothing happened and adopting a very high voice all of the sudden and muttering “everything’s fine” to himself repeatedly as he rummages through your bedside drawer for your vibrator
vernon: man is easy. seeing your boobs is enough to get him fully hard… meaning you sitting on his dick is enough to make him cum. it isn’t unheard of for vernon to cum as soon as you sink down onto his lap. he gets so red and frantic, yelling at you to get off of him but usually it’s already too late. luckily, he’s got a short refractory period and a humiliation kink so he’s ready to go again in no time.
chan: he can be a bit too confident. it’s always endearing but chan talks a big game and can’t always deliver. when he cums too early and gets all embarrassed, it’s easy for you to pick up the slack and take over. chan submits to you so easily after he’s made a fool of himself (in his eyes) and you love every second of it.
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rachalixie · 1 year
Text
a/n: a little 2min x reader thing i wrote at 1am because @gimmeurtmi is a little enabler and sent me into a spiral (i love u wife). it's just my need to have the boys i'm in love with also be in love with each other.
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dating both seungmin and minho was an interesting experience in almost all aspects. 
the two were, quite literally, like cat and dog. they bicker constantly, provoking one another just to get a rise out of it, but still insanely protective of one another. they’d been friends for longer than either of them had known you, a history there that you could never understand no matter how hard you tried to. they were roommates after all, they spent more time with each other than they did with anyone else. 
you fell in love with them at the same time. they were a constant from day one, wiggling their way into your life until they found a home there. they were unusual, they were frustrating, they were wonderful. a mixture of emotions that you couldn’t quite wrap your head around - maybe that’s why it took you so long to notice. 
they were flirting. 
their bickering was their ploys for attention, their jabs at each other were their ways of showing affection, their protective streaks were their way of saying i see you, i care about you, please be okay. 
it frustrates you that it took you months to realize this. months of sleeping over, alternating whose bed you ended up in at the end of the day. now, lying wide awake next to a softly snoring minho, the puzzle pieces finally line up and you’re stuck with the slowly spiraling thought that the two stupid men you fell in love with were also in love with each other. 
you hear soft footsteps outside of the room followed by the squeak of minho’s doorknob turning, and you close your eyes and level your breathing. you didn’t want to see kim seungmin right now. you didn’t want to speak to kim seungmin right now. 
he pads to the bedside table, quiet as possible to not wake you or minho. you hear the click of minho’s bedside lamp and the orangey glow behind your eyelids disappears.  
seungmin can’t sleep with the lights on, even the softest glow from the crack beneath his door bothers him. his room is always shrouded in darkness, the thickest blackout curtains lining his windows and covers over every charging cable. 
“stupid hyung,” he mutters, sliding out of the room as fast as he entered it. 
this is something you’ve seen him do often. he would sneak into minho’s room, slick and quiet, and turn the lights off. he would never bring it up to minho, never scold him for leaving the lights on and disturbing his sleep. 
seungmin can’t sleep with the lights on. minho knows this. minho, for all of his teasing and general i-don’t-give-a-fuck facade, he remembers these tiny details. he would never do something purposefully that would harm someone else’s health, especially kim seungmin’s. 
he’s been leaving the lights burning on purpose. just so seungmin has to come into his room and then them off. just so he has a little pocket of interaction to hold close. and seungmin has been letting him. seungmin was never one to hold back from complaining to minho about his behavior, from the way he leaves his shoes just an inch away from the rack to the way he breathes too loud during movie nights. so, why does he not complain about this? why does he not barge in and wake minho up in his frustration instead of creeping in and out like a ghost?
because they love each other, your traitorous brain supplies. 
you’re still pretending to be asleep when you hear minho sigh and roll over, his hand coming to cover his face. you can hear the smile in his breath, and you’re sure that if you opened your eyes you’d be able to see the fiery red burning in his ears, even in the dark. interesting. 
this stays with you for days. weeks. you know you spend a little too much time staring at them now, but you can’t help it. if they notice, they don’t bring it up to you. 
you start staying awake later on the days that you’re in minho’s bed, just to get a glimpse of seungmin coming in and out of the room. sometimes, he would turn off the light quickly and leave just as fast. other times, he would take a second to stare at minho’s face with heavy eyes, pausing for longer than necessary before turning and walking away. on rare occasions, when he notices that the blankets have shifted away, he pulls them over an exposed knee or elbow or foot, tucking minho in like he’s a child that needs to be coddled. 
minho wakes up sometimes. he sighs like he’s in school and he’s experiencing his first crush, every single time. other times he remains fast asleep, mumbling lightly in unintelligent syllables. but every day that seungmin visits his room, he wakes up utterly content and pleased. 
a month into this routine you’ve had enough. you don’t know how long this has been going on for, but you know that you’re ready for it to end. 
“talk to him,” you say to minho before bed as you run your fingers through his hair in what you hope is enough to comfort him. 
“talk to who?” he asks, voice trembling around the edges. he’s playing ignorant, when you know he knows exactly who you’re talking about. 
“he feels the same, you know that?” you keep your voice soft, not wanting to spook him. he spooks easily, like a kitten. “the three of us are already dating each other. it’s just that you two don’t know it yet.”
“what if he says no?” he forces out, avoiding your eyes as he fiddles with his fingers. 
“he won’t. trust me?” you hold out a pinkie and he links his own with it with a slow nod. 
it takes him longer to go to sleep, this time. you can hear his uneven breathing under your head from where it’s pillowed on his chest, and it jumps when he hears his bedroom door creak open. 
seungmin moves to the light and clicks it off, but before he could back away minho’s eyes flutter open and he grabs seungmin’s hand. 
“hyung?” seungmin squeaks out, frightened at being caught for the first time. that he knows of. 
“you came all this way just to turn off a light,” minho starts, words slow and tentative like he’s testing out the flavor of them on his tongue before he speaks them. “might as well stay. there’s room for you, in here.”
not the confession you were hoping for, but you suppose it’ll do, for now. he folds back the blanket a bit, enough to signal the invitation but not enough to be embarrassed about if he was rejected. 
“you want me?” seungmin’s voice is too shocked for how smart he is. why can’t these boys see what’s in front of them?
“get in the bed, seung,” you jump in, not willing to witness the awkward stumbling that those two were about to engage in. you had plenty of time for that tomorrow, in the daylight. “he wants you to.”
so seungmin does. he gets in quietly, and minho wriggles a bit closer to you to make room. despite minho’s claim, it’s a tight fit, but when minho throws and arm around seungmin and pulls him into his chest so that the two of you were mirrored images of one another it works. 
minho’s smile almost outshines seungmin’s, both blinding the room in the kind of light that doesn’t need flame or electricity. 
the next morning, seungmin claims that it was the best sleep he’s had in a while. minho claims that it’s usually a little too cold, and having two personal heaters instead of one was better. you roll your eyes at them, but when they shyly kiss over the kitchen table you’re the happiest you’ve ever been. 
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wonhaz · 3 months
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break my heart again - y.jw
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pairing : jungwon x fem!reader genre : classmates au, hanahaki au, angst, unrequited love, inspired by laufey's song - let you break my heart again wc : 2.2k warnings : child neglect, sickness, hospitals, blood, major character death, eating synopsis : yang jungwon breaks your heart, but you love him, and you'd let him do it again, and again. because you would rather die than live your life not loving him, and you do just that. a/n : i don't know why all my fic ideas from my bias (jungwon) are all so angsty but here you go ig! i put a lot of effort into the meaning of each flower and their symbolisms in the story so u can even google it if you want the full experience or full meanings. this laufey song makes me want to cry my eyes out but i hope u like the fic!
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"one day i will stop falling in love with you."
you loved yang jungwon, but he didn't love you back.
he was the only thing you could think of, but you know well that he doesn't care about you. all of your friends told you to move on, to forget about him. you've tried, you really have, but nothing seems to work.
jungwon was everything any girl could ever want, top of the class, kind, funny, and not to mention, extremely cute. you're pretty sure every girl in school had feelings for him at one point, you were no different. you thought it would just be a happy crush, how did it get this bad?
how did you meet him? simple, he was your classmate, that's it. just your classmate. he knew if your existence, but only because of his role as class president, aside from that he had no reason to interact with you. he never saw how you looked at him with your lovesick gaze as he took down notes, he never saw you in the bleachers watching every single one of his competitions, he never saw you clutching your chest in pain, no matter what you did, he never saw you at all.
but you let him do it. again, and again, and again. as long as you were alive, you would let him break your heart again. all because you love yang jungwon.
your parents were busy, always out on business trips, leaving you all alone at home with no one to talk to. all you did at home was day dream and come up with fake scenarios and alternate universes where you and jungwon were a couple. did that help your current situation? hell no. it made it worse.
you sit at the dining table. alone. your plate with pie and your cup of coffee untouched, you were hungry, but had no appetite to eat. suddenly your favorite foods looked disgusting. you've read about this happening.
it's getting worse.
walking to school, you feel a pang of pain in your chest. quickly running to a hidden alley, you clutch your chest in pain. you feel as if you're about to throw up, trying to cough it out, petals fall out of your mouth instead. you watch as they float down to the floor, looking at them with a bitter smile. picking them up, you stuff them into a pocket in your bag.
arriving at school, you walk into the classroom. there he is. sitting on his friend's table laughing. walking to your seat, you lay your head on your table. listening to him laugh made your day better, but worse at the same time. each laugh he let out increased the growing pain in your chest.
you're grateful your teacher doesn't notice.
that nobody at school notices that you keep going to the bathroom. your friends don't notice either, you don't know whether to feel hurt or happy. hurt that they don't know you're in pain, happy that it will make it easier for you to leave this world since they don't pay attention to you. quickly locking yourself in a stall, you start coughing with no end. daffodil petals leave your lips with red stains. your blood. taking out your phone, you search up the meaning of daffodils. "daffodils symbolize unrequited love, rebirth, new beginnings, and eternal life."
eternal life. something you knew you didn't have.
during lunch break, you see jungwon in the halls. he's smiling holding a small bouquet of pink tulips. you look at him with a sad smile, you know it's not for you, it would never be for you. feeling the need to cough again, you run into an empty hallway and pink petals leave your mouth. pink tulips. crazy to think how quickly seeing jungwon could affect you.
finally deciding to see the doctor, you go to the hospital after school. you sit on the cold metal seats in the waiting room, waiting for your name to be called. "shim _______?". quickly standing up, you made your way into the doctors office and greet the doctor. "so what brings you hear young lady?" he asks. "this." you respond, taking the petals out of your bag and spreading them on his desk. you see the doctor's eyes widen and he looks at you. "hanahaki.." you hear him say, "how long have you been coughing up petals?", "about a month." you say and he shakes his head, "this means that you only have a bit of time left, meaning you've had this for months but only started coughing petals until recently. I'm afraid you only have 5 months left.". your heart drops, but it's alright, it was already broken. nodding, you tell him you understand. "do you plan to have the surgery? or is there a chance the one you love will love you back?" the doctor asks with hopeful eyes. you shake your head, "neither." you say, "i don't want the surgery, and the one i love will never love me back.". "______" the doctor says your name softly, "you'll die.". "i know." you say,
"but i'd rather die than live a life not loving him."
you leave the hospital that day knowing you have 5 months left. nothing would heal your broken heart. jungwon could never grow love for you, the only thing growing was the flowers in your lungs. you make your way to your home, if you could even all it one. you didn't even know where your parents currently were, but you do know that "business trips are more important." according to them. laying on your bed, you stare at your ceiling, just a few more months you think, and all this will be over.
you try to make the most of school.
since in a few months you won't have to go, grades are not something for you to worry about anymore. it didn't matter with your current situation. you went to school to see him, and only for that sole reason. sitting with your friends at the cafeteria, you stare at jungwon seated on the opposite side of the room. seeing him smiling makes you smile. seeing him happy makes you happy. one of your friends ask you if you're okay. "are you okay, _____? you haven't touched your food at all.", truthfully, you didn't feel like eating anything these days, but you can't tell them that. "yes, I'm alright, just got a little distracted." and they nod. they continue their conversation and your eyes find your way back to jungwon. he's getting up to leave, you excuse yourself from your friends and follow him out at a distance.
"jungwon! when are you asking your crush out? you've already given her tulips!", you hear one of his friends say. "soon, not sure yet." he responds nudging his friend and laughing. "but i found out she likes roses." jungwon says, almost instantly you feel your chest tighten and you know that you need to make a run for it. you run in the opposite direction to the bathroom and lock the stall door. you start coughing, the pain in your chest becoming unbearable. red rose petals with blood on them.
you always thought roses were beautiful, but with beauty comes pain. the thorns growing in your lungs making your breath hitch. you knew that your time was running out faster than expected.
three months left.
you start writing in a journal, in hopes that someone will find it after you leave. that they'll read about your last months loving jungwon. that they'll read about your tragic love story that never even was a love story in the first place. you write about jungwon and all the things you liked about him, about being left alone at home, and about ever single kind of petal you have coughed up, sticking them to the pages and learning about the meaning of each one. you learned that red roses symbolized love and romance, how ironic. two things that you would never experience. not in this life at least, hopefully in the next.
one month left.
you wanted to talk to jungwon before you left forever. even if it was short and made no sense. you knew he got to school early and you made an effort to get there early too. he sat at his desk studying for the test later, mustering up the courage to walk up to him, you stand at the end of his desk and he looks up and gives you a confused look. "hi _____, do you need something?" he asks. "thank you, jungwon." you say and his eyebrows furrow. "for what?", "for everything." you say with a smile. "you're welcome?" he says still confused. flashing him a small smile, you get your bags and walk out the classroom leaving him alone, his eyes follow you as you walk out. he shrugs and goes back to what he was doing. he doesn't care.
that broke your heart again.
one week left.
you thought you were well prepared for your departure. you wrote a letter to your parents, leaving it on their table. you weren't even sure if they would ever come home and read it, but it didn't matter. their not-so-golden only child would be gone and they wouldn't even know. you wrote a letter to each of your friends, it was easy since you only had a few. you gave it to them at school and made them promise to read them in a week. you wanted to go in peace. you wanted to go alone.
3 days left.
you go to school to gather everything from your locker, touching the cold metal door for the last time. you greet your favorite teachers before you leave, you even buy your favorite drink from the cafeteria, you were going to miss how it tasted. you walk out of the school and turn to look at it. it would be the last time you see the school. the school you dreaded going to, the school where you met yang jungwon. you decided you were going to spend your last few days at home before making your way to where you plan to depart forever.
one day left.
you tidy up your room, straightening up your pillows and bedsheets. you clean your messy desk and leave the journal right in the middle. the journal that contained your thoughts, your fondest memories, the memories of your last months on this earth. making your way to the kitchen, the light the refrigerator emits feels blinding. taking out the last slice of leftover pie, you make yourself a cup of coffee to go with it and sit alone at the table. you didn't feel hungry, not anymore, but you forced yourself to eat your favorite foods one last time. you savor the taste of the coffee, the warmth temporarily soothing the pain in your lungs. you felt sick that night, maybe because you forced yourself to eat, maybe it was because you knew your time was running out. either way, you tried your best to fall asleep.
3 hours left.
you make your way to a field deep in your favorite park. it was off limits but you used to go there alone anyways. laying under a big tree, you stare up at they sky, you'll be up there soon. you feel your eyes start to tear up, you're crying. you don't mean to cry, but it's as if your body knows that your time is about to run out.
1 hour left.
"one day i will stop falling in love with you."
you tried to stop loving yang jungwon. heaven knows how much you tried. jungwon would never love you, but you would never stop loving him. you would love him even if you were dead. you would love him as you watched from above.
"some day, someone will like me like I like you."
is what you thought. that wasn't going to happen anymore, maybe not in this life at least. you were classmates. and you would remain classmates for the rest of his life, and your short one.
10 minutes left.
you look at the green grass and trees surrounding you. the sun was setting, painting the sky a mix of purple, pink and orange. you smile. if only jungwon was beside you enjoying this too.
but he wasn't. but the thought of it made your heart flutter.
your heart. your broken heart.
you loved yang jungwon, but he broke your heart. he has multiple times but he never knew. you would still let him do it again in every life, because that's how much you love him.
you begin to feel sleepy, it's almost as if your life is being drained out of you. you bring your hand up to your chest, to where your broken heart lies. the vines in your lungs suffocating you.
you look at the now dark and starry sky and let out one last breathe.
"i love you, yang jungwon." you say and close your eyes for the last time.
epilogue.
10 years later
the wind rustles the leaves of the tree you once lay under. some leaves fall and slowly land on the grass by the base, beside it, a flower has grown. a daffodil. the first flower you ever coughed up. you searched its meaning back then.
"daffodils symbolize unrequited love, rebirth, new beginnings, and eternal life."
maybe, just maybe, fate will let you have your new beginning.
that fate will give you another chance in your next life to be with the one you love.
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jiminrings · 2 years
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fifth wish
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pairing: jungkook x reader
wordcount: 18k
glimpse: jeon jungkook, world-class socialite and nepotism baby, should be out every night to celebrate while he’s at his prime. why should he fake-date his bodyguard instead?
alternatively, jungkook regularly throws coins to wishing wells with only one desire in mind — to get rid of you.
[ angst, unrequited love (at first), emotional constipation, jk is Very Frustrating to be with, so much pining, the constant repetition of the notion that one must amount to something to be deserving of love, rlly wholesome fluff, mentions of blood n injuries, whole 360 redemption arc dw i am not evil ]
notes: i’m back :) this belongs to the take five universe (take five feat. yoongi, nine to five feat. jimin) n although it’s a completely different jungkook, it’s still on the same vein!! thank u for waiting for me <3
as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!! even replying to this post sends me over the moon :)
Jungkook reminds you that love is unfair.
He reminds you that love is unfair in the same way you remember that you don’t belong to his world. He’s the walking proof that it’s possible to have everything without suffering, and as much as it isn’t his fault that he was born to it, it irks you.
You don’t hate Jungkook, no. It’s much more complex than that, something to do with the bitterness in your mind and heart from doing everything only to barely equate to what Jungkook– people like Jungkook — get for doing nothing.
You don’t hate Jungkook, he’s tolerable. He’s loving to the people dear to him; stuck-up most of the time but won’t go out of his way just to be an asshole. He can hold conversations with you, sometimes steering outside the parameters of you being his bodyguard and him being your boss. He’s rude at times but he’s tolerable — it’s the best of what you could get from people like him.
What you hate about him is that he probably hasn’t had a bad day ever in his life. 
You don’t know him to an intimate degree but you know, you know that Jungkook has not worked extremely hard for anything ever in his life. He hasn’t fought for anything because he didn’t have to.
Maybe it’s just a bad day for you today, accidentally scrolling past an article that detailed about your abrupt exit from the fighting scene. It makes your throat constrict when you skim through it for a second and register the exact words that have once crossed your mind before in a fit of insecurity; you were cowardly and cheap for leaving the octagon to become a glorified babysitter for Jeon Jungkook.
Perhaps it’s such a bad day for you today that even when you think about how your job as a bodyguard pays so much more than your occupation as a fighter, it does nothing. The lack of fatigue from guarding a nepotism baby outweighs your body more than the injuries you’ve gotten throughout your career. 
Despite being stagnant in the water instead of flailing around, you have never been more afloat than now. You’re financially and physically stable more than ever and it’s because you protect, not fight.
Even if you hate him sometimes, you protect Jungkook with your whole life. You guard him like your life depended on it because for so long, it’s been ingrained in your head that it was either do or die. That if you don’t work hard enough, there won’t be food on the table. That if you don’t fight desperately and harshly enough, no one would be able to take care of the people you’ll leave in your wake.
You do your best when you follow Jungkook to bars and assess everyone in there in the process, prioritizing your regard for his safety more than his remarks of you being a cockblock. You adhere to instinct and hold him by the waist in crowded places, even if he grumbles that you’re spoiling his game.
You pour your all when you accompany Jungkook to a private fitting and wait for him outside of the dressing room, patiently anticipating what he’d look like in a suit meant to accept an award for being one of the most influential individuals in this generation. You don’t know exactly what constitutes to him being influential besides being himself, but perhaps his existence itself is what’s most outstanding about him.
You pour so much of yourself that when Jungkook steps out of the dressing room, you smile at him fondly, sincerely. 
You give so much of yourself that protecting Jungkook has become synonymous to falling for him.
You think love is unfair because it’s biased. It’s cruel and it chooses because love is simply not for everyone. Love is not for the weak.
Love is unfair because it finds its way to you in the form of him. You are what makes love weak, and Jungkook is what makes it cruel.
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Jungkook’s parents aren’t too bad.
They’re filthy rich to start off, but they do have the grasp of when and when not to let the smell of money block their sinuses. They’re even kinder and more self-aware (surprisingly) than their son and for as low as the bar can go when it comes to people in the one percent, they exceed your expectations and more.
Mr. and Mrs. Jeon listen to whatever you have to say. They give you and the staff gift baskets for no reason, each one different from the other and handpicked by themselves because even their personal assistants are surprised with their own. They’re attentive and have no qualms in giving paid leaves whenever someone’s involved in personal difficulties.
Mr. and Mrs. Jeon value your opinion too much that they’ve become casual to the point that they could have uncoded conversations in front of you, no matter how concerning the context could be.
“Jungkook badly needs an intervention.”
Mrs. Jeon says it casually like she’s just pointing out that the clouds look like sloths driving a pickup truck and whatnot (her husband calls them ‘my wife’s silly sloth thoughts’), shallow wrinkles present between her eyebrows.
“That boy seriously needs to get his act together,” she adds, sighing as she slouches further to the couch. Mrs. Jeon tuts, crossing her arms and turning her head to Mr. Jeon, you presume. “Our son really needs intervention, don’t you think? Right, Y/N?”
The thing with Mrs. Jeon is that she has a penchant of talking to herself, obvious to where Jungkook got it from. She still looks so dignified and obscenely rich to you as she’s sprawled messily on the couch and in her sweats with ice cream stains on it, but with the sudden mention of your name, you realize that you’re not so intimidated anymore.
You look back at Mr. Jeon (in matching pajamas) who’s just nodding at you to agree, because regardless or not if he baited you to agree with his wife, you would’ve coincided with the head of the house nonetheless.
Jungkook, in simple terms, has been out of control lately.
“Yes, Mrs. Jeon.”
It’s no surprise that Jungkook’s a little hard to reign in, but what shocks you the most is that his parents even gave him a fighting chance to prove to them that he’d do fine by himself without any security detail. Even before you came into the picture, Jungkook’s been complaining for years that he can’t move outside without being shadowed. And he was listened to, of course he was listened to, but the past week is testament to how he can’t do well by himself.
A week, just one week of Jungkook proving that he can fend for himself without bringing any unnecessary drama to himself and his family name.
Night after night for the whole week he ends up on the news. Last night it was him being recorded singing his lungs out on top of a table while being piss-drunk, found relatable by most people because it humanizes the Jeon Jungkook, but repulsive by everyone else. The night before that, it was him gate-crashing a wedding reception with a suit that trumps even the groom himself. He wasn’t drunk, no – he simply felt like it. He wanted to play evening golf despite hating the sport, heard that the place was booked by a couple who worked half a decade to secure the place for their future wedding, and decided point-blank to buy a suit and show up unannounced.
He was being harder to reign in, even harder to do so in the process because he’s such a public figure.
“He needs someone to repair his image,” Mrs. Jeon sighs with resignment, knowing that her son might take change from someone other than family for a change. “Someone strong enough to handle him, both publicly and privately.”
“Like a bodyguard, you mean?” Mr. Jeon chuckles, throwing his head back in laughter. “Dear, we already have Y/N for Jungkook.”
The two of them giggle at the realization that they just had a long-winded conversation in describing a bodyguard, to whom Jungkook already has in the form of you. 
It was just like yesterday when you were the esteemed MMA fighter, barely realizing that it’s already been half a year since you left the octagon. Six months ago you were bruised and bloodied yet you were winning like you usually do, the night being every other high-stakes fight night except the only difference was that Jungkook was sitting in front row.
You were the talk of the night as much as he was because despite already winning the fight against your opponent, another fight broke out just minutes after. The fighter from the undercard match stuck around in the venue until your main event finished, then angrily charged at Jungkook because he apparently slept with said fighter’s girlfriend. (Read: Jungkook did sleep with the girl but in his defense, he didn’t know she had a boyfriend — much less a professional fighter for one!)
Before you knew it, you were already jumping the fence to cut your interview short and to get Jungkook away from the commotion, instead taking the hit for him yet before you could retaliate, the impromptu fight was already called off — the fighter who attacked you was suspended, and you became the subject of praise.
Do you know Jungkook from the news? Yes. He’s the one and only nepotism baby. Do you know Jeon Jungkook personally? No.
The clip of you jumping in to defend Jungkook has garnered so much attention that it became the talk even outside of the MMA scene, your following ridiculously growing overnight. Jungkook’s parents, from sheer and excessive gratitude and remorse, offered (more on insisted) to give you a monetary award privately, but also a job. 
A job that would pay you more than professional fighting ever could, and a job that even extended to Seokjin, your handler who’d go with you until the ends of the world — who’s now the head of security for the whole detail of the Jeon family.
It’s a little complex; just a slightly funny, extremely-worrying turn of events from the past six months that flipped your life and pushed you where you are now. Not bruised and bloodied while wearing a uniform, listening to Mr. and Mrs. Jeon casually talk with you and in front of you.
“I mean a girlfriend, dummy. Maybe love could change Jungkook,” Mrs. Jeon shrugs, racking her head for any possible candidates.
“A fake girlfriend for the cameras? Or do you wanna actually marry him off to someone?” Mr. Jeon seems hesitant, making you realize that he cares more for his son than he lets out to be because he isn’t as affectionate as his wife.
“No, not that far of course,” she remedies instantly, sitting straight on the couch. “Just a fake girlfriend.”
“It should be someone we can trust though,” Mr. Jeon hums, literally looking up at the ceiling as if there’s a word bubble to physically show that he really is thinking, yet another quirk that Jungkook also has. “Someone unproblematic and lovable by the media too.”
“Yeah, exactly,” Mrs. Jeon agrees instantly. “Jungkook needs someone humble. Someone kind.”
“Jungkook needs someone stronger than him.”
You’ve been so engrossed in their conversation that you notice the moment the atmosphere changed, two heads turning to look in your direction with wide eyes. 
“This is private, I’m sorry. Excuse-…” you blurt because you realize you’ve just been caught eavesdropping, their lightbulb moment yet to shine on you.
“No, no. It’s not private,” Mrs. Jeon placates you, a breathless chuckle leaving her. It makes sense — it makes absolute sense. A fake girlfriend for the cameras: someone already bearing aforementioned qualities standing just five feet away from them.
“Sit down, dearie,” they coo with the same wide, excited eyes, practically pulling you down to sit between the two of them. “Hear us out.”
.
.
.
It’s surprising to know that at the prospect of a perfect candidate for a fake girlfriend, Jungkook’s parents’ first choice is you.
Some of the parameters of the contract were already brainstormed on the spot, including the obvious non-disclosure nature of it, your even higher pay, and the duration of it only lasting for six months. Your personal information besides the bits that the public already knew of from your fighting career (and the bits you aren’t comfortable in sharing) would be safeguarded. The living situation didn’t need much clarifications, considering you already resided in Jungkook’s residence anyway, in the main house and right on the floor below his bedroom (instead of the employees’ quarters) given the nature of your job.
Dropping the honorifics isn’t that big of a shock either, you already talk shit about Jungkook to Seokjin anyway whenever he was especially difficult.
What’s more surprising is that you agreed.
In the same way that you don’t know what possessed you when you took a hit for Jungkook six months ago, you agreed. You’re still Jungkook’s bodyguard, technically, working two jobs at this point. You can’t decipher if it’s greed or genuine eagerness that compelled you to be this invested, but you let it happen anyway.
What’s most surprising is that Jungkook seemingly has no qualms with the whole thing.
In an effort to acquaint with him better, you knock on his door to call him down for dinner instead of texting him, his eyebrows raised when he sees you waiting for him outside his door. He just knew of the contract his morning and signed it at the same time, the fake dating contracting being agreed upon as quick as the idea of it was pitched.
“Are you gonna put me on a headlock when I run away from you or something?” Jungkook narrows his eyes at you, his irritation as transparent as his face now that it’s evident he was fresh from a shower, seemingly the reason why he took so long to answer and not because he hated you — you hope.
“No, it’s stated in the contract. Even if it wasn’t, I won’t use force on you, y’know?” you laugh, feeling lighter now that you know Jungkook isn’t in a prissy mood today. You’re amused until your eyes wander, sinking in that Jungkook’s wearing clothes that aren’t pajamas, his watch that he only wears outdoors adorning his wrist. Now that you think about it, Jungkook’s hair is glistening not because he took a shower, but because he’s spent minutes styling it with gel. 
It takes two seconds for you to put things together, and it takes Jungkook three to realize that you already caught onto him. 
You know he’s planning to make a run for it so you pull him back with your hands snug on his waist, Jungkook barely making it two steps away from you before being trapped. “Except for this though. This one’s in the contract.”
He groans and tries to wriggle free but to no avail, staying rooted with the grip you have around him. If he uses his brain just a second more and thinks of you as a girlfriend instead of a bodyguard, technically, you are hugging him from behind.
“Your parents personally told me to hold you back from partying.”
“What a filial bodyguard,” he sighs, eyes rolling to the back of his head. “You’re not exactly making your boyfriend happy at the moment.”
“Sorry,” you squeak, feeling Jungkook budge against you. “I’ll let you go if you promise not to make a run for it.”
“I’m not promising shit to you,” he huffs, giving up on making you let go of him and crossing his arms instead.
Maybe Jungkook does have qualms.
“Do you want to get out of the house?” you ask to test the waters, getting the sentiment that Jungkook’s tired of his own walls and going out is his way to keep himself sane.
“Bodyguard, girlfriend, and detective? Wow, look at you go,” he mutters, the warmth creeping up to his throat little by little because you don’t seem to notice that you’re still holding him.
“Dinner with me in a restaurant outside, or dinner by yourself at home?”
“A knife so I could stab myself in the pancreas.”
You sigh at your silly thought that Jungkook would even give you a decent response, about to apologize when he utilizes your split second of distraction to break away from you, only for you to tug him back to your embrace even tighter to the point your chest touches his back.
“You don’t have to hold me so tight,” Jungkook snickers, putting your hands away from his waist as he waves you away to get his dinner so he could eat it in his room, finally getting free. “Barely the first day and you’re already in love with me.”
( ♡ )
“When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” 
Wrong. Absolutely incorrect, wrong, and falsified. When you’re in Rome, do as what Jungkook does.
Jet lag, despite being in a private one without the stress of sharing the same cabin air as screaming toddlers and feet-on-the-armrest passengers, is still jet lag. However, if you are a nepo baby named Jeon Jungkook who acts as if your throat would close up if you do not wander as soon as you land after a 19-hour flight with two transfers, your bodyguard who’s also your (fake) girlfriend’s jet lag doesn’t mean shit. 
You would be more inclined to look at your surroundings and let yourself get swayed into buying trinkets if only Jungkook doesn’t get antsy if he stands in one spot for more than two minutes. Your head’s pounding from the fatigue more than it would pound in a headlock, getting blisters even if your shoes have been worn-in already. Seokjin was back in the hotel, probably having the time of his life knowing that he didn’t have to escort the brat.
“What business do you have here? In Rome, of all places?” you ask curiously, knowing that he had no official matters to attend to.
“None of yours,” Jungkook quips playfully, finishing with a scoff and throwing a look behind his shoulder.
Oh. You look absolutely spent.
Jungkook relents when you completely stop behind him with a dead look in your gaze, no longer following him even if he tells you repeatedly that he’s going to walk without you. He would push through with it, if only he didn’t feel unsafe without you shadowing him. He beckons you over, sighing heavily to give you an answer that wasn’t snarky. “One of my exes is the daughter of this guy who owns this brand. There’s a show.”
“A little more specific, please?” you hum, regaining the energy to walk side by side with him. The streets are noisy tonight, lively and warm and cold at the same time but you will yourself to only focus on Jungkook, your (fake) boyfriend who’s only getting more ticked by the minute. In fact, you don’t even know where and why you’re walking, you’re just following Jungkook because it’s obvious that this isn’t his first time here. “You’re this excited over a show? Didn’t you say couture was another term for fugly?”
“I’m getting laid tonight with my heiress ex. Yay!” Jungkook finally bursts, sounding ultimately sarcastic with his delivery but by the way he screws his eyes shut and sighs, you know it’s only truth underneath it.
“Jungkook,” you mumble, steps faltering that even he notices your sudden shift of mood. “We’re supposed to be dating.”
You don’t say it with anger but you say it with resoluteness. If only you could hear yourself right now, you would hear just how upset you sound, physique devoid of your usual playfulness. You are upset, you just don’t know if you have the actual right to be.
“Fake dating,” Jungkook corrects, subduing his tone to match your somberness. “There’s nothing in the contract that says we have to do it for real, obviously.”
“But it also says there that we shouldn’t jeopardize our relationship in public even if it’s for the cameras,” you counter, sounding more sure of yourself because you’ve spent days analyzing the contract, knowing each in and out of it by heart.
“Well it’s not like I’m gonna fuck Sumi in a park bench outside,” he snorts, tucking his hands into the coat of his pocket with a hint of anger. Jungkook clenches his jaw as if you were the one who insulted him, pointing upwards right beside him. “We’re fucking here.”
You look up to see your hotel, realizing that the two of you just walked around the whole four blocks for him to do what he pleased. “Here? In the same hotel we’re already at?”
“In my room, duh. I’m not stupid enough to get another room under my name.”
“But Jungkook I’m in our room! I’m the supposed girlfriend!” you exclaim much louder than you intended to, earning his hand over your mask for you to pipe down. Neither of you are making any move to enter the hotel just yet, instead in the middle of the plaza where you feel like one of your veins is going to pop.
“Seokjin’s room is just right down the hall. Just stay with him for the night,” he says it like it’s the most obvious alternative and the plan from the start.
“But-“
“Sumi already knows about the whole ordeal! She keeps secrets, she’s safe, we’re safe. No one knows anything,” Jungkook rants, his eyes speaking for his giddiness despite being disguised underneath a cap and a mask. 
You stare at Jungkook for a good minute. There’s no telling whether it was a minute or an hour but for the time you have Jungkook now, until he kicks you out of your shared suite to accommodate his ex, you try to think how the next six months of your life would go.
Jungkook feels bare and vulnerable underneath your gaze, his hand covering his nape as he clears his throat, remembering why he’s in the middle of the plaza. “Speaking of safe, I need to buy condoms.”
“Just get Seokjin to do that for you,” you quietly reply, certain that seeing your (fake) boyfriend buying condoms not meant for you right in front of your face is just gonna add more insult to the injury. 
“Nah. Don’t want to disturb the guy.”
“But you want me to crash in his room suddenly?”
There’s a knot in your throat you don’t bother clearing, choosing to look away when Jungkook buffers in his movements from looking at you to marching to the convenience store. You feel small in your uniform, maybe even a little helpless. Your heart shouldn’t ache this much, it’s probably just all of the jet lag crashing down on you.
Jungkook returns to your side without a fuss, holding a plastic bag that you don’t even want to take a peek at. You don’t move until he does and well, Jungkook doesn’t even know how he’s gonna take the short walk to the hotel without all your usual chattering.
He walks tentatively, trying to take a peek at you from any reflective surface. You only walk behind him when he’s three steps in and in his haste to look at you again, he becomes instantly distracted, halting the both of you again erratically like he did with all the shops earlier.
“Wait, wait! Wishing well!” he almost shrieks, forgetting that you’re not in the fuzz to rush him in the first place. You jog behind him, his steps jittery because it’s been awhile since he’s seen the Trevi Fountain. 
Jungkook dodges past the tourists (it’s his tenth time here, he feels like he’s a better tourist than everyone) and gets right in front of the fountain, digging for the spare change he had in his pocket. He clasps his hands together tightly, screwing his eyes shut as he mumbled under his breath, finally throwing his coin.
In this light, Jungkook looks the most human you’ve ever seen him. He looks the most relatable and tangible version of himself that you’ve ever seen; his hands clasped praying his wish upon a coin, trusting whatever it is to luck. 
Wishing, when it comes from Jungkook and people like him, is trivial. Wishing, when it comes to people to the likes of you, is hopeless. 
Maybe you’ve long stopped wishing when your birthdays didn’t even have cakes and candles to wish upon, or when your pockets had no change at all to begin with. Wishes didn’t get you where you are now — your pain did. You don’t know what Jungkook could ever wish for with everything in his grasp, and perhaps that’s what makes you curious the most.
“What’d you wish for?”
Jungkook smiles faintly, a strength behind it that you can’t discern.
“To break up with you.”
.
.
.
Seokjin likes having you around — that much you can tell because when you left the fighting scene, so did he.
He does love having you around but it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t question your presence, especially when he thought all this time that he’d get this deluxe room all to himself but here you are, starfished in the middle of his bed that he just sprayed his sleeping mist on.
“By the way, why are you here?” he finally addresses you thirty minutes after you knocked on his room, hugged him, took bites of his dinner, showered, and passed out on his bed. 
“Jungkook’s fucking his ex in our room.”
Seokjin hums in acknowledgement, not exactly surprised. He repeats your words in his head but halfway into it he backtracks, titling his head in confusion. “Our?” he laughs, perplexed by how you worded it. “It’s a suite alright, but the two of you sleep in separate bedrooms.”
“It still counts. That’s our room,” you huff, your frown visible even if you’re still face down on his sheets. “My boyfriend’s dicking down his ex right now.”
“Don’t get too carried away, Y/N,” Seokjin sing-songs, knowing by now that your wording isn’t just a fluke. “You still have that crush on him?”
“I do, fuck!” you enunciate in a sudden burst of frustration, hammering your legs down on the bed that makes Seokjin laugh because it looks you’re doing a half-assed worm. “Something must be very wrong with me.”
Seokjin hasn’t seen you this unsure and vulnerable for a long time.
Your friend chuckles, oblivious to how he’s worried for you because you genuinely think you’re going to sleep in this position.
“Mhmm. You’re right,” he jokingly agrees, using his surreal strength as your coach to flip you so you wouldn’t suffocate, flicking your forehead afterwards. “Something must be very wrong with you.”
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Jungkook’s perfume irks you.
It’s too floral and too sweet and clearly does not belong to him, making you hold your breath for the brief second that he walks past you. It doesn’t smell like him and what’s worse is that you can practically taste the proof of Sumi in your mouth, reminding you that Jungkook did kick you out of your shared suite two nights ago and it wasn’t just a figment of your imagination. 
“Jungkook, your engagements are all up,” Mrs. Jeon exclaims, tilting her head every now and then at her phone.
“Aren’t they always?” he chuckles dryly, awkwardly pinching his ear out of habit because he felt that you were too quiet.
“Well I mean yes, but all for the wrong reasons as you can tell lately,” she counters, a slight bite to her tone before she gets distracted again by yet another positive comment about her son. “But lately it’s good,” Mrs. Jeon hums. “All great, really. People love now that Y/N’s in the picture.”
“I don’t care what people say about me,” he murmurs, conveniently defending himself as soon as your name was mentioned. His mother raises an eyebrow, the both of them knowing that it’s the furthest thing from the truth.
“Okay maybe I do care a little.”
“What did they say?” you pipe up shyly, Jungkook jolting in his seat and gaining the sense to move a little so you could take a peek at his mother’s screen. Mrs. Jeon becomes even more energetic at your participation because she did notice that you’re uncharacteristically stiff, huddling closer to Jungkook so he’s squished between the two of you.
“That you’re perfect together,” she lists, putting her phone farther so you could read. “Wow, I never knew that MMA champion Y/N Y/L/N would end up with Jeon Jungkook of all people, but if they break up, I will be lining up at her door.”
Jungkook scoffs under his breath, unknown to himself if he’s scoffing because he isn’t the only one at the center of attention, or because people think that he’s just that disposable to you.
“An odd match at first really, but I bet Jungkook fell in love first! If you had Y/N as your bodyguard, who wouldn’t?” 
“Next,” Jungkook grumbles.
“I hope Y/N knocks out Jungkook into next week-“
“Okay, okay, I get it! These people want you to stomp on me so badly,” he frowns, sparing a glance at you who has an amused smile on your face. This isn’t the first conversation you’ve had since his night with Sumi, but it’s the first interaction you had where you aren’t irked when he’s looking at you.
“I won’t do that,” you assure him, politely fetching the device Mrs. Jeon hands you, Jungkook perching over your shoulder this time. He still smells like her and unlike himself but you’ve learned to tune it out, pushing yourself to be indifferent.
“They’re sweet about it,” you mumble to no one in particular. “Do we look sweet to them?”
“Somehow we look sweet,” Jungkook answers, unconsciously scooting over to invade your space more to the point that his head’s almost bumping yours. “They’re freaking out about your hand on my back. Isn’t that what all bodyguards do?”
“I’m not only your bodyguard though,” you remind, voice lowering towards the end but quickly put it up before you get upset again. “But yeah, a little over the top. They’re screaming about us bumping shoulders but you don’t even hold my hand.”
Mrs. Jeon gets her reaction out even before her son could defend himself, eyes widening. “You don’t even hold Y/N’s hand?” “Hold it! Try it right now.”
She snatches Jungkook’s hand quickly, beckoning you for yours and entangles them together like you’re preschoolers being forced to make up after a fight, the whole abruptness of the situation making you choke silently.
There’s an awkward bout of silence between the two of you (three if you count Mrs. Jeon but she’s trying her best not to breathe so she’d blend into the background) that you can’t grasp, only being broken as soon as Jungkook says the first thing in his mind.
“Your hands are rough, ew,” his eyebrows furrow, late to register the look in your face that is so heartbreaking, it makes you recoil. “Get a manicure or something.”
You tug your hand away roughly as if you’re physically burnt to the touch, balling both of them into a fist and keeping them at your sides as small as you could, away from sight. Jungkook’s right, they are rough. You don’t have to open them to know that there’s callouses and faint marks of cuts and bruises on them. 
They’re hard and beaten from work, not needing to look down on them again to know that perhaps in Jungkook’s life, your hand is the roughest he’s held. They’re not like Sumi’s and most certainly not like the hands of the people in his life — manicured, flawless, and graceful.
“Jungkook,” his mother hisses to scold him, belatedly realizing that you’re back to being quiet again from the single comment that left his lips.
“Sorry, Y/N,” Mrs. Jeon apologizes, throwing a venomous look to her own son at the side. “Did Jungkook give you a hard time in Rome? Any incidents?” she asks with kind eyes, lips enveloped because she can’t move past Jungkook’s dumb comment about your hands. “You can tell me whether it’s from a girlfriend perspective or a bodyguard perspective.” 
Jungkook looks at you, eyes slightly ashamed, waiting to see if you’d tell his mother about him. If you’d rat him out for kicking you out of your shared suite so he could get laid by his ex-girlfriend; if you’d tell her about how he brought you along to buy condoms for the exact occasion.
But the thing is, you don’t. Just as rough as your hands are, you answer quickly and as sincerely as you could, excusing yourself right after.
“It’s okay, Mrs. Jeon. Jungkook didn’t give me any worries.”
( ♡ )
Jungkook knows to himself that he’s insufferable.
And for some odd reason unknown to him, you still stay with him despite being insufferable.
He knows when a job is a job with the way his previous bodyguards would hold him with an iron grip to weave through crowds that weren’t big in the first place. He knows when a task is a task with how as soon as his schedule for the day is finished, there won’t be a single inquiry or care allotted for his wellbeing.
He knows when people care for him just because they do.
Nobody forced you to jump in to ultimately defend him from getting knocked out on live television. Nobody forced you to take his parents’ offer of working for him, and most importantly, nobody forced you to stay.
You were dutiful to say the least, but for odd reasons unknown to him, you’re passionate even for the things that seemingly are just passing things in your life. 
He’s pretty sure you caught onto him zoning out and staring at the side of your face, feeling your inquiring gaze turn to him to see if he needed you or not.
“Oh,” Jungkook snaps out of it, redirecting to make it seem that he’s thinking of something else entirely. “You’re not dressed up?”
“Do you want me to?” you return the question, looking outside the limousine to see if you’re close to the venue and if you had time to change in case Jungkook wanted you to.
“Nah, do what you want. I don’t really care about it,” Jungkook says a half-truth, realizing that his “save” gave him even more reason to think about you. “I was just curious about what you looked like when you aren’t wearing that.”
There were only three uniform options available — one’s a black polo shirt with tactical pants for when it was a casual outing (but Jungkook’s outings were barely casual), the other’s a button-up with trousers for when media’s expected, and the last is what you and Seokjin were wearing now; a well-fitted suit for high-class events wherein you had to accompany Jungkook and need to escort him closely regardless of the audience.
“Why are you dressed like a bodyguard anyways? Aren’t we making an appearance together?”
You resist the urge to smile, an odd reversal of roles because it’s Jungkook who recognizes now that you’re his (fake) girlfriend and not only his bodyguard.
“I still need to show that I’m serious about my job.”
“When are you not ever serious about your job?” he questions seriously, brows furrowed because he genuinely can’t recall any instance where you didn’t put him first.
“Your safety’s still my number one priority,” you answer truthfully, hearing the emerging chatter now that you were getting close to the drop-off. Your eyes inconveniently follow one of Jungkook’s numerous exes who wears an elegant designer dress, one that you wish you could wear in your lifetime. You snap out of it soon enough. “My holster would be visible if I wear a dress.”
“That’s kinda hot,” he snorts, “Do you still want to dress up? Regardless if people cared about your holster showing?”
“Maybe,” you hum. “If I dressed up though, that means I’d walk beside you.” 
It’s a nice vision to think of, something you don’t even know would come to actuality if the time comes.
“Do you want that? Me walking beside you?”
“You always walk beside me,” Jungkook rolls his eyes, a giggle leaving him heartily.
“Have you ever learned how to read between the lines?” you return the playful attitude, clearing your throat. “I mean, do you want me to walk beside you as your girlfriend in a pretty dress?”
“Honestly?” he repeats, fixing his suit. “No. I don’t think so.” (Read: even if the circumstances were different, I don’t think it’s worth having you around me.)
You’ve only ever walked beside Jungkook in your uniform, as a bodyguard. Not a girlfriend.
You’re too busy and you still haven’t gotten a manicure. They’re still riddled with callouses from sparring with Seokjin to keep both of your skills and physique in check.
All you know is how to fight and to protect. You know how to love, that much you know, but you don’t know if Jungkook knows how to accept love if it’s coming from you.
“Come on, having me as your girlfriend isn’t that bad, right?”
You ask thickly, head tilting as if it would help gauging the answer out of Jungkook better. You don’t have to adjust your head though; with the way he gives you a pitiful half-smile, you already know.
You wince inwardly, masking the lump in your throat as a laugh.
“It is?”
“A little,” Jungkook relents, finding the will in him to joke around with you. “Don’t get angry with me. Don’t headlock me like you did with Son at that 2019 fight.”
“You know that fight?” you answer with a chuckle, the random detail catching you off-guard.
“Duh. Everyone and their mother knows about that fight. A knockout on the second round? Jeez.”
Jungkook sounds the most attainable right now despite being worlds apart, the physical boundary between the two of you apparent. He sounds warm, just as domestic as a boyfriend in a car ride who knows random things about you.
“Having me as your girlfriend isn’t that bad if you know these things about me.”
“Your fights are public knowledge.”
“Then what’s so bad about me being your girlfriend?” you question, tucking your lips together to not let out any whimper in case he knocks you off-guard again.
“You’re too strong but you’re just so sensitive, if that makes sense. Too committed. You don’t have an off switch. You’re just so you,” Jungkook blurts out, careful of his words but at the same time frantic to say them outloud because he never thought you’d ask him this. “You just don’t know when to give up.” 
It’s like Jungkook knows every insecurity you’ve ever had from the way he said it.
“Okay,” you meekly answer, the resignment in your voice lying underneath but the tiny bit of hope sinks it further. “If I wasn’t your bodyguard, would you still date me?”
“Fake date,” Jungkook corrects, chuckling because you always seem to forget the word that defines your status. “No. I don’t think I’d date you.”
Jungkook moves far on too quickly with his words that you’re unable to process the momentary heartbreak that comes along with his admission, blinking away the inevitable shock.
“How about me? If you weren’t my bodyguard, would you agree to fake date me?”
“Yeah,” you answer without a doubt, the careless shrug that tops it just cementing that there’s no thought needed. You answer just when the car nears to a stop, making Jungkook halt before the driver even hits the brakes. “I’d date you.”
The numbness starts from your hands, moving into autopilot as you meet Seokjin and the rest when Jungkook comes down. The impromptu intimate conversation should be the last thing in your mind — it shouldn’t matter to you when it doesn’t to Jungkook.
Everyone’s lively as you tail him until he gets to his assigned seat, stopping instantly when he sees the giant centerpiece of a fountain in the garden.
“Coins! Give me coins, please,” Jungkook urges you, either oblivious or uncaring to the sudden weight in your steps from his words.
“Don’t you have your wallet with you?” 
“I do, but I don’t carry coins.”
You sigh in defeat, fishing out your wallet from your pocket where you keep some loose change.
In the same manner of his first wish, Jungkook screws his eyes shut and clenches his fists together, whispering to his hands before he gracefully throws the coin to the illuminated water.
“What was your wish?” you silently ask just like the first time, either oblivious or uncaring to how his answer would sting like it did in Rome.
“For my parents to dissolve this stupid contract with you.”
.
.
.
The party’s over and you take it upon yourself to voluntarily get out of your shared suite with Jungkook and crash in Seokjin’s room instead.
Seokjin can’t find it in himself to be annoyed at you, admitting to himself that he misses you especially with the knowledge that the two of you might have drifted a little since taking up your new jobs because of conflicting schedules. 
The two of you no longer suffer together, already at a place in life where you don’t need to scramble in literally looking for a fight. He’s a mirror of you, if not more confrontational. He would’ve already asked you why you’re lingering around him more and less around Jungkook nowadays if only you didn’t look like a kicked puppy most of the time.
Seokjin shuts his mouth this time, letting you start the conversation this time around. It comes soon enough when the movie you were so engrossed in didn’t make sense in your mind anymore, a pressing question filling it instead.
“Do you regret being my handler?”
“Don’t ask me stupid questions,” Seokjin snaps instantly at the absurdity of you even asking him that, mumbling an apology later. “Of course not.”
He’s in disbelief with the way his eyebrows knit in the middle, a tension placed on his shoulders that even you can’t joke your way out of. He mutes the TV then and there, Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde no longer interesting him.
“Why did you follow me into this?” you ask in a small voice, wanting to sink to the floor because with the volume muted, Seokjin’s entire attention is on you.
“You liked the fighting scene. You loved coaching me,” you list down, going through all of your fond memories of practically growing up with him. “And now here we are. Bodyguards to a nepo baby.”
“We’re being paid higher here,” Seokjin shrugs carelessly, a giggle following his answer at the thought that he’s in the position to say that now. “I followed you here because we’re just as close as family,” he says it so easily that you have a hard time grasping it, an utter truth to it so he doesn’t stutter. “Where you go, I go.”
“Do you think I had a disgraceful exit?” you ask again, oblivious how your questions are snowballing more and more. “Saved Jungkook just one time out of instinct and I felt like that whole ordeal made more noise for me than my whole career did.”
Your voice trembles and you find it stupid why you’re suddenly getting emotional now, the weight of everything changing quickly in your life starting to hit. “Is it embarrassing? What I did and where I am now — is it embarrassing?”
“No. What you did and where you are now is just you,” he offers, sincerely. Even he doesn’t know why you jumped in to protect Jungkook either, but what he does know is that you would’ve done it for anyone else. “Do you wish you never left?”
“I don’t know either,” you sniffle, a cough leaving you pathetically and it makes you snuggle into Jin’s arm more. “I miss fighting now that I left it,” you admit. If you closed your eyes hard enough, you could imagine how much adrenaline you felt throughout your career.
“But my whole career of it, my whole life revolving around it,” you stress, admitting a truth that’s only been mere assumptions in your head for the longest time. “It’s been doing my head in even before Jungkook’s parents made me the offer.” 
Seokjin listens — he always does. He does it in the way you want him to. You’ve confessed to him years ago that you think of him as a brother and that you wouldn’t fight if not for him, and he listened to you while wearing full gear during sparring because you didn’t want to be embarrassed. Months ago, you told him that you have a crush on Jungkook and you told him that through the bathroom door while he was showering so the water would drown your voice out. Some things are more stupid than the others but Seokjin does it and listens anyway — simply because you ask him to.
This time, Seokjin listens to you while he plays with your hair.
“I wasn’t a hundred percent sure about taking the offer, but I wasn’t fully sure either that I wanted to keep fighting. That’s why I accepted,” you murmur. “I said that I would leave fighting the moment it felt like a chore.”
“I remember you saying that,” he seconds, a brief chuckle leaving his lips. “How about Jungkook? Does he feel like a chore?”
“He doesn’t,” you admit whole-heartedly. “But he hates me, I think.”
“You still have that crush on him?”
“Still have the same, stupid, pathetic crush on Jungkook, unfortunately.”
You and Seokjin share a laugh, one that sounded like squeaking and choking at the same time when harmonized together. You’ve had a shit day and he’s already taken it upon himself to share the fatigue of it with you, unable to have it any other way.
Your happiness is cut short when there’s urgent knocks rapping on the door, too frantic that your heart would’ve leapt out of your ass if you didn’t hear the accompanying voice. “Jin! It’s me!”
Seokjin sighs in relief, clutching at his chest to hear that it’s only Jungkook. You sink to his sheets when he asks with his gaze if you want to be the one who answers the door, but he’s met with your head shaking no insistently.
“Did you see Y/N?” Jungkook asks as soon as Seokjin answers him, dripping wet after his bath and even in his bathrobe still. You told him you were just going to check out the snacks downstairs but an hour later after his bath (he managed to finish a documentary about cats), you still weren’t back.
“Why?” Seokjin feigns cluelessness, tilting his head at Jungkook’s nature of looking for you.
“She’s not in our suite. Is she there?” he sputters because he’s starting to think that maybe even Seokjin doesn’t know, meaning that nobody at all knows where you went.
Seokjin stands still for a minute, making Jungkook think that this is just a glitch in his brain and he’s still watching the documentary awhile ago where Seokjin’s the cat butler in this elite pet hotel.
“Uhm, no — wait, yeah,” Seokjin giggles breathlessly, snapping out of his trance. “She’s crashing here.”
“Oh,” Jungkook zones out. That explains it.
He’s unsure if you’ve ever gotten the snacks downstairs because if you did, you would’ve got some for him like you always did. He knows when a job is a job and he knows when people care for him — a bodyguard and a (fake) girlfriend like you wouldn’t have forgotten to get him snacks, right?
He tries to snap out of it too, trying not to think why you couldn’t have just told him that you didn’t want to sleep in the same suite; he didn’t even have anyone over. Jungkook swallows the disappointment, both for you and himself.
“Good. I thought she was kidnapped or something. Tell her to leave a note next time.“
( ♡ )
Jungkook’s soft.
He’s soft, maybe even despicable. Despite the hard-shelled and slightly bratty exterior, Jungkook’s more vulnerable than he paints himself out to be. 
He’s soft in the sense that he would’ve taken a rose from a random woman’s hand in the street if not for you telling him that it’s 100% a scam, that he’d be hounded for money as soon as he accepts the flower. Jungkook was in shock at that when you explained the scheme to him, simply in the belief that love was just all around and people would randomly give out roses in the name of it.
Jungkook’s soft in the sense that when walking, he switches the two of you so he could be the one closest to the road instead of you. It’s warm and sweet for a second, until you remind him that you’re his bodyguard and you’re supposed to be there in the first place, and for him to never do that again.
He’s soft, from the way he scrolls through fundraisers to generously donate to and all the way down to silently and “accidentally” putting his snacks in your pockets when you aren’t looking.
Sometimes though, Jungkook’s definition of soft is weakness.
He’s weak to the point that Jungkook can’t even think straight because just a few words of flattery and he’s already weak in the knees. Jungkook’s weak as much as he’s emotional and irrational. He’s impulsive and ditzy and selfish, especially selfish with the way you’re prompted to intervene.
For the two minutes you’ve left his side, you come back to Jungkook kissing the daughter of his father’s rival, in a gala no less where literally everyone is watching. It’s stupid, beyond idiotic even for words that you drag Jungkook out into the garden where there’s no one watching, cutting his appearance in the function much earlier than intended.
Jungkook’s so weak. He’s laughable because it’s the one thing that’s unspoken yet beyond obvious — to never fraternize with rivals especially those of his parents’. It’s so, so stupid that you’re trembling with anger, just one stupid question away from speaking your mind.
“The fuck was that for?” he seethes, looking at you up and down with disgust in his face. Never did you use such great of a force on him, but for you to pry him by the arm in front of everyone embarrasses him to his core.
“Do you fucking know who you’re kissing?” you snap without missing a beat, just as irritated as he is but the difference is that he doesn’t have the right to be. “That’s Choi Haeri! Choi as in Choi Group Of Companies, your dad’s rival company!”
Jungkook scoffs, narrowing his eyes. He keeps dusting away the sleeve that you held onto as if you’ve contaminated it, rolling his eyes with disdain. “Okay? And I knew that, what the hell are you so pressed for?”
“I’m pressed because anybody could’ve seen you and you will be done for,” you grit, an accusing finger pointed at him. “You’re my boyfriend in public, Jungkook! Stop kissing other people!”
“You have a stick up your ass!” Jungkook spits, straying further and further away from reason. “No one in this room buys our act because they know I wouldn’t date you!”
Jungkook doesn’t immediately get a response back.
You only stand in front of him, unmoving and silent. The longer you look at him, the more his anger simmers and the more his regret seeps in. He doesn’t even know why he’s angry at you.
His throat tightens because this was the part where you say something equally as vulgar if not more demeaning, but it wasn’t happening. That part hasn’t even happened before. No, this was the part where you’re angry at him for good reason because you’re doing your job, and Jungkook responds to your reaction by telling you to go fuck yourself.
“I’m-…” he doesn’t even get to finish his sentence because you’re already interrupting him, pulling your phone out to dial the driver.
“We’re going home.”
“I don’t-…”
“That wasn’t a question,” you cut him off. “You’ve had enough to drink, you’re causing a scene, you’re endangering yourself. You’re leaving now.”
You pull Jungkook by the arm yet again with a force that’s not up for debate, trying to fight it with no avail until he lets himself be dragged along. It’s a long walk to where the pickup point is but you endure it, even when you’re still filled with so much anger and dismay.
He doesn’t make it better because as much as he lets himself be dragged along, he uses his other hand to fish out a coin from his pocket because he’s been carrying them lately, throwing it to the fountain that he sees on the way out. Jungkook proves yet again that he is weak, because he doesn’t even know why he does that.
You don’t even ask but Jungkook already explains with a sharp glint to his gaze, either to spite you or cowardly defend himself from your anger. But either way, the satisfaction after he explains his wish doesn’t ever come.
“For you to unclench.”
( ♡ )
It’s another trip outside the country when you find yourself in Seokjin’s room again.
“Confession time,” you hiccup, dehydrated after a full day of accompanying Jungkook with his shopping. “I don’t think it’s worth it liking Jungkook anymore.”
Even if you’ve said it out in the open, the concept itself sounds shaky. It’s either an impulsive lie or a hesitant truth, but either way, you know that you don’t like Jungkook as much as you did before.
“He told me to unclench.”
“You don’t seem like a butt clencher to me,” Seokjin furrows his brows, looking up from his phone now that you got his attention fully. “Stand up for me,” and you comply, turning around to indulge his playfulness. “Nope. Not a butt clencher at all.”
An attempt has been made to lighten up your mood and it’s working surprisingly, making you snort because somehow, Seokjin knows just how much you could take in the times you feel low. 
You feel particularly clingy today, the proof of it being you trying to squeeze yourself in to the one-person chair that your friend’s occupying.
“This is fruitless,” you exasperatedly sigh, making Seokjin eagerly agree because the two of you are gonna break the chair until he realizes your minds are at two different places. “Liking rich, unattainable, disconnected-from-reality people is fruitless.”
“Hey, you’re rich. We’re also rich.”
“We got rich because we worked for it,” you correct him, acknowledging that although not Jeon family level of rich, you’ve come a long way. “Blood, sweat, tears, fractures, stitches-…“
“MRI scans. Don’t forget MRI scans.”
“Yes, thank you, MRI scans too. Jungkook’s old money and even though I’m slightly above average and closer to him, it means nothing!” you whine, finally giving up on fighting dominance for the chair and instead sitting on the carpet.
“Well is Jungkook’s social status the only thing stopping him from liking you back?” Seokjin inquires, the aforementioned surely one of the reasons but not the core of it.
“Oh no, far from it,” you snort, looking up at the pendant light above you and listing the numerous times you felt that you’re Jungkook’s actual girlfriend, and the other times you felt that you’re just a bodyguard that’s a thorn on his side. “I could also count the fact that Jungkook hates me to the core.”
“Does he feel like a job?” Seokjin hums, getting you to look at him. “Is it starting to feel like a chore being around him?”
Truth be told, you’ll rue the day that Jungkook feels like a chore to you. Whether it’s an impulsive lie or a hesitant truth, you believe Jungkook when he said that you just don’t know when to give up; both your greatest feature and flaw.
“A little.”
“Ah, that’s it then,” Seokjin somberly smiles, uttering the words he thinks you need. “You’re outgrowing him. You’ll forget that you even liked him soon enough.”
You don’t even know if you want to outgrow Jungkook.
“Spar?” you pipe in after a loaded silence to take the weight off of it, dying to have your mind somewhere else other than him.
“M’kay,” Seokjin agrees because he doesn’t have anything better to do either,  standing up to fetch your gloves in his duffel.
“No, not in this room nor the gym,” you whine, a frown making its way to your lips. “In an actual ring, please? Don’t you have a buddy here that owns one?”
You look too soft, too fragile to even deny. It’s just a little thing to call around his friend in the area so Seokjin will do just that, as long as it means he can have the seemingly-permanent fatigue in your heart lighten.
“Okay, we can do that.”
Seokjin sees the way that you hang out with him more often, conveniently in the times that you’re upset with Jungkook. Each time you see him, the impromptu bonding ends with you begging him to train you.
The last time, it was you and him rewatching your old plays. Today, it’s sparring. Soon enough, you’ll ask more and more from Seokjin until it’s the actual fighting that you crave for.
It’s ironic that it was your fighting that landed you with Jungkook — and maybe, just maybe, it’s also the fighting that’ll take you away from him.
“There’s a pattern happening here though,” he calls you out for it, making you pause in your tracks. Seokjin sees right through you; on how you’re so frustrated with yourself as a product of being involved with Jungkook, that you’re slowly reverting back to the person you were before him. “Don’t think that I don’t see it.”
( ♡ )
Jungkook’s grandmother has a farm.
It’s massive, sprawling for hectares and even if the first few of the hundred are utilized for housing and hosting, it already tells you that Jungkook was ready for retirement the moment he was born.
You and Seokjin, along with the entirety of the staff, were invited by Mr. and Mrs. Jeon for a get-together. There’s no particular occasion but it already accounts catering and decoration into the details. There’s no grand gesture for it all, just the Jeon family and their employees in their bosses’ massive farm to celebrate togetherness for the sake of it.
None of you are in your uniforms, all free to dress. Everyone looks different to say the least, most of you seeing each other in your clothes of choice for the first time given your nature of work.
Jungkook’s eyes flit to you. He’s only seen you a couple of times in your pajamas, but this was different. A tank top that showed more skin compared to your uniforms (where practicality was the number one priority), and on top of it, a bright, bubbly cardigan that was the exact opposite of your black attires. It’s different. A lot more different than what he’s used to seeing. He doesn’t know how to explain it but you look more like yourself than he’s ever seen you, despite barely knowing you deeper in a superficial sense.
It’s been peaceful between you and Jungkook since his kiss with Haeri. You unclenched as per his wish, still fulfilling both of your jobs but without the strictness he was used to. You still cared, that much Jungkook knew and was grateful for, making a conscious effort to stop being irrational and pissing you off in the process.
It’s peaceful in the definition that there hasn’t been conflicts between the two of you, or there has been yet neither of you wanted to dwell on it in an effort to adjust for each other.
It’s peaceful but it was different; something changed between the two of you and Jungkook can’t discern what it is. He’s used his brain the most he ever did in his life yet he thinks understanding the shift in your dynamic doesn’t need logic — perhaps it’s heart.
Jungkook may be a little stupid, but he is stupidly committed when his mind’s set to it.
“Where’s the dirtbikes again, grandma? I wanna go to the creek,” he asks all of a sudden with a pitchy voice, praying inwardly that it’s not obvious that he planned a script for this to go about. It was a random thing to say, especially when you, his mom, and his grandmother were just talking about sheep in a secluded area. 
For him to march all the way to where you are, asking about a dirtbike he most certainly knew where it was kept, makes his mother’s eyebrows raise.
“Just behind the stables, Kook. Also, you don’t know how to ride a bike,” his grandma answers, narrowing her eyes at her grandson who wants to ride all of a sudden.
It’s like he wanted you to hear (read: he wanted and needed you to), predicted by his mom who knows that not once has he ever shown interest in riding all the way to the creek by himself, much more on a dirtbike he can’t even operate.
“You don’t know how to ride a bike?” your eyes bulge, the question slipping past your lips in amusement. It’s too late for you to retract it, unintentionally making his mom and grandma laugh.
“Nope. Not at all. His parents tried teaching him, his grandpa and I took turns trying to teach him, his maids tried, everyone tried. Jungkook does not know how to ride a bike at all.”
“Okay, grandma. Thank you. I think everyone in the country has heard you now,” Jungkook mutters, knowing he signed himself up for a snide comment or two when he planned this, but he didn’t know he would feel this embarrassed.
His grandmother is all the more clueless but his mom quickly catches on, something at the back of her neck telling her that Jungkook needed you now.
“Y/N can take you there! Right, dearie? Seokjin told me you could drive anything,” Mrs. Jeon asks you sweetly, your eyes slightly widening at the sudden suggestion.
Jungkook’s mother looks at him with that look and he didn’t know how she caught on so quickly but he thanks her silently with the same gaze, trying to look indifferent for your impending answer.
“No problem, Mrs. Jeon,” you politely answer, wonder overtaking you because you don’t know what compelled you to agree. (Read: it’s because Jungkook indirectly asked you and if it’s him, you’d drop everything for him 7 out of 10 times.)
“You’re not on the clock,” Jungkook offers weakly, not having expected for you to agree in the first place. In fact, he didn’t even expect you to be civil with him at all since telling you that you have a stick up your ass — god, he really was the worst.
“I know,” you shrug, a gentle smile on your face. You lift your head for him to lift the way and he does, springing into action by walking beside you with his hands tucked in his pocket. “I just want to take you there.”
This is the first time you’ve ever been with Jungkook outside the context of work and he’s different. Not different in the physical sense because he still bears the visage and the aura of someone obscenely rich, definitely not that. He’s different in the sense that he’s more reserved; as if he’s walking with his feet for the first time and he has to take everything in around him in silence.
Additionally, this is the first time you don’t know which version of Jungkook you like the most now that you’ve seen him like this. 
You like the prissy, talkative, slightly ditzy Jungkook of yesterday, one that apologized to you with words and talked your ear off with his own stories out of guilt. But now that you see him, you also like the quiet, subdued, and observant Jungkook of today, one that apologizes to you with his eyes and indirectly asks you to be alone with him.
You get on the dirtbike first, gathering your bearings before asking Jungkook to climb his seat.
He should be scared shitless right now because despite being an enthusiast for racing and vehicles in general, anything on two wheels feel like death traps to him. Jungkook should be scared and yet he isn’t, not when you’re in front of him; not when he’s so close to you that he can smell your hair and practically feel how soft your cardigan is.
“You can hold my waist,” you offer as you help him secure his helmet on, earning a playful scoff you haven’t heard in a while.
“Don’t want to.”
“I hope you fall off then.”
“What?” he asks with confusion in his tone but it later transitions into a shriek when you just up and rev, the playfulness of your response not really reaching his brain because he’s too busy holding onto your waist in a hurry. 
“Don’t tell me you’re gonna make me fall off on purpose,” he mutters as soon as he adjusts, taking his hands off your waist.
“I’m not doing shit,” you quip, threatening to increase the speed but it falls on deaf ears because once again, Jungkook got distracted by your change of attitude.
“Why are you being short with me?” he frowns in confusion, finally figuring out that hopefully it’s just the safety issue. “Will this make you less snappy with me?” Jungkook wraps his arms around your waist again, gently bumping his helmet with yours intentionally.
You and Jungkook were complicated, but atleast when he wraps his arms around you and head bumps you with his helmet, things don’t feel as difficult.
“No comment?” Jungkook provokes harmlessly, making you nod hastily because you didn’t know that mere arms around your waist, Jungkook’s specifically, would make you want to light yourself up on a good note.
It stays like that for awhile. For the few minutes you have with Jungkook while the sun starts to set, you and Jungkook can act like you’ve always been this way; happy, warm, and committed.
“It’s right there. You could stop here,” Jungkook squeezes you by the sides, pointing to the creek he’s been talking about all this time.
“Hmm. Still pretty,” he comments to no one in particular besides the actual creek itself but it still makes you look up, taking off your helmet and turning off the engine. The creek doesn’t look anything special. Simply put, it’s just a creek. It’s strikingly mundane but for some reason, Jungkook speaks of it like it’s heaven on earth.
That’s the thing about Jungkook — through and through, you can’t read him and neither can he.
Jungkook digs into his pocket, throwing a coin to the shallow water that looks majestically clear. He closes his eyes and clasps his hands together, whispering to his entwined digits. “For you to stop following me around like a dog.”
The thing about Jungkook is that he’s a little empty; a little empty to not accurately predict when the perfect time is for a joke, a little empty to have never gauged the concept of being sensitive at all times for anyone’s sake that wasn’t his. A little empty that to make up for what he lacks, he’s extremely selfish.
“You don’t mean that,” you laugh humorlessly in disbelief, shaking your head because of course, as soon as you think Jungkook is completely fine the way he is, he goes ahead and make a wish that pushes you away.
“Do you really hate me that much? Be honest,” you add, the edge to your voice being something you find hard to control. “Because if you do hate me, then just say that.” 
Jungkook blinks rapidly, proving to you that he’s slower than usual and is only now realizing that he’s said the wrong thing. Again.
“If you hate me, then don’t look for me when I’m not in our suite. If you hate me so much, stop walking behind me even if you’re with dozens of bodyguards in events,” you grit despite the lump in your throat. “Do you hate me so, so much that you can’t just say it to my face? Because I can say it to your face right now that I like you.”
And Jungkook freezes. He feels the dumbest he’s ever felt in his life.
“I like you but right now I fucking hate you,” you seethe, closing the gap between you and Jungkook to point at him. “I’m a dog? I follow you like a dog? Well guess what, I need to follow you like one because of this stupid-“
If it’s any proof that Jungkook can become even more empty, there’s barely any words from you that register in his head besides you liking him.
“You don’t hate me.”
Jungkook declares with certainty and it makes you quiver — because as much as you can’t read Jungkook, he can read you.
Your anger dissipates but there’s still tension in there, eyes locked with Jungkook in either a fit of stupidity or dumb courage.
“What do your lips taste like?”
Jungkook wonders out loud and there’s not one inch of a filter left in him, looking at you intensely to the point that he’s almost getting cross-eyed. You’re close, so close that Jungkook could inhale and you’d get attached to him. So he does it — he does what he’s an expert at and it’s to do without thinking; to act while empty.
Jungkook kisses you.
Jungkook kisses you as if he loves you, like it’s his first time hearing what it means and it’s his eager attempt to prove himself. He kisses you deeper with his hands holding you in place, as if you even thought about fleeing in his profession of love.
You and Jungkook were complicated, but atleast when he kisses you like he means it and tastes you so desperately that he wants to pass out, things don’t feel as difficult. Happy, warm, and committed.
But through and through, Jungkook is himself. It lasts like that for awhile until he comes to his senses, a little panicked that he really is kissing you, putting his hands on your shoulders to gently push you away. 
You try to regain your breath and make sense of what happened while he walks away from you, sitting by the creek as he avoids your eyes.
You feel embarrassed, carrying way more shame than you ever felt is possible to bear. You don’t look at Jungkook either, preoccupying yourself by trying to focus on everything but him.
You get your phone out to call for Seokjin to accompany Jungkook instead when he chooses to go back because you don’t see yourself surviving the ride back with him, waiting for his reply so you can ride back alone with the excuse that you wanted to go to the bathroom.
The two of you neither look nor talk to each other but you could hear the sound of a light dip and splash. Jungkook’s empty, too selfish and too stupid, making his fifth wish in the creek with a mumble underneath his breath; oblivious to how you’re still within earshot.
“For us to never see each other again.”
( ♡ )
You know you have Seokjin — you just don’t know if you’ll still have him despite this.
He never liked riddles but the silence you give him already gave him his answers, your stay in his room tonight feeling different than every visit before.
“Seokjin?” you pipe from your corner of the room, sticking yourself to his chair you never even occupied. You occupy it now because maybe it’s the last time you’ll see it, a far too large bean bag that resembled a dog bed and didn’t fit the aesthetic of the room at all; maybe even miss it despite being the one item in his room that was misplaced and lacked attention.
“Hm?” he looks up from his phone he scrolled up and down for the past twenty minutes you’ve been here, far too tense to actually be absorbed in anything but what you’re about to stay.
“I get it,” you clear your throat, avoiding eye contact for the things that matter because it’s what you do best. “I’d get it if you want to stay.” 
In your haste of listlessness for the past year, from your exit from the octagon to being a spontaneous bodyguard and then a contract girlfriend, you realize that Seokjin’s been with you through it all. That in your pursuit of what you think is best for you, you’ve been selfish not to think about what he wants to do separate from you.
“Less work, more pay. The environment’s not that toxic,” you chuckle, knowing that a few out-of-touch remarks here and there are lightyears away from the actual dirt you’d get thrown to your face in the fighting scene. “I just want to let you know, okay? I don’t want to leave you in the dark.” 
Seokjin’s the most stable figure you’ve ever had in your life — you shouldn’t be selfish to drag him along if this is your new low. “I already have my letter of resignation. I’m handing it tomorrow.”
“I’m not trying anything with you by saying this,” you hurriedly explain, not wanting to make him think that this was a ploy to get his pity and do the opposite of what you’re saying. “Just wanted to say goodbye if this is the last time.”
Seokjin saw this coming.
The thing about you is that much like Jungkook, you’re oblivious to how there are people who would follow you to the ends of the earth to support you. You’re no old money baby, you don’t have millions of supporters ready to fight for you at your disposal.
But you have him. You’re so selfless, you don’t even know that Seokjin would be willing to orbit you until forever.
“Open the laptop.”
“What?”
Seokjin snorts humorlessly when you squint to his answer at you practically spilling your guts out, rolling off his bed to push the laptop at the desk beside you. 
“Just open the laptop. You already know the password,” he waves you off, sitting at the carpet beside you. You’re not drunk yet you’ve sobered instantly, eyes already watering for reasons you don’t even know.
“Jin?”
“Open.”
The thing about Seokjin is that he knew when to protect you and knew when to let you take a hit, his compass never failing either of you since. He would literally carry you on his back when you fall but he’d throw you back into the ring when it comes to it, all to prove a point to you that nobody stands without crawling.
And this time, Seokjin knows to protect you.
You open his laptop and the first thing you see is a finished word file, one that was eerily similar to yours and even carried the same date.
“See? Already finished my letter too. Just need to print it,” he smiles like usual, skimming his resignation letter when he noticed your eyes darting around.
“But why?” you whisper. “Why are you leaving too?”
“There’s no point in staying,” Seokjin shrugs, the most honest truth he’s ever said. “Wherever there’s you, Y/N. I’ll follow.”
Through and through, you’ll have Seokjin no matter what. It’s an overwhelming feeling of warmth that fills you, patching up the massive gaps in your life you almost forget even existed. 
It’s a burst of pride that fills Seokjin because he’s able to say that now, the realization that he had the opportunity to grow with his platonic soulmate and land somewhere and not just anywhere making him more emotional than necessary. “You’re family now.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so selfish,” you mumble over and over again when you embrace him, face buried to his chest. It’s a cry you’ve suppressed for so long that even you can’t believe the sounds that come out of you endlessly, weakly fisting his shirt to ground yourself.
You feel small; so, so incredibly small and pathetic. You’re perhaps the stupidest person you know because you’ve ran for so long only to stop disgracefully, suddenly being displaced. What you do with all your hurt is compress it into a tight box, stacking and stacking until you realize your pain’s never been compressed in the first place — you’ve just been building a puzzle out of it for the sake of calling yourself resilient.
“You’re not selfish,” Seokjin mutters, repeating it again and again until you hear him through your cries. “You’re the most selfless person I know. Besides myself of course,” he jokes, but it’s you who would know that he isn’t lying at all.
“Besides, I also want to leave too. I miss coaching. I miss the fighting,” he assures you, trying to get it through your head that there’s purpose to his intent. “The most action I get is pushing people out of the way when there’s crowds.” 
“Jungkook and I kissed,” you admit as you’re still hugging him, not wanting to break away yet because that would mean you have to make eye contact. “When we were at the creek, he asked me what my lips tasted like so I kissed him-“
“TMI.”
Seokjin groans but still listens anyway.
“Then he just pushed me away. I-I don’t know why, when you drove him back and he saw me, he told me to pretend it never happened.”
“We went to the farm a week ago,” Seokjin reminds you the passage of time, shocking you for a moment because it meant that you’ve been moping for a week straight.
“Mhmm.”
“Have the two of you been talking?”
“No,” you chuckle genuinely this time, either out of doom or gratefulness, you can’t tell. “Not at all.”
( ♡ )
Jungkook feels every bit of the one-dimensional and empty person that he’s argued out to be. He’s royally fucked up so to speak, the guilt of pushing you away after being the one to kiss in you in the first place keeping him up at night.
It consumes him excruciatingly slow, as if fate wanted it that way because it’s preparing him for a pain that’s heavier than the one he has now.
Worst part is that he hasn’t apologized to you yet.
His urge to apologize is bigger than life itself but the problem was that he can’t think of one that you deserve, only a mindless string of words coming into mind because he’s said them to you numerous times before. He wants to show you just how sorry he is but he can’t either, too consumed by the possibility that nothing would ever suffice.
You haven’t been walking beside him lately and he can’t even blame you. For every appearance he does nowadays, you’ve asked another bodyguard to tag along to be his main one, with you remaining only in the sidelines to keep appearances yet maintain your distance away from him.
Jungkook feels uneasy.
He’s no stranger to your silence and distance yet this bout in time speaks for itself, something about your outright refusal to be even an arm’s reach away from him making him think that it’s a prelude to something far more painful.
He loathes himself for driving you away; for wanting you and always backing out at the last minute because you don’t deserve him — you deserve much better.
Jungkook cares, of course he fucking cares. He takes everything to heart and in that same vein, he wouldn’t know who nor what he is without his family name. With or without his affluence, he’s just painfully him. Jeon Jungkook who does not know who or what to be in life.
He’s stupid, he’s a hundred percent sure of that. Even if his latin honor in a degree he doesn’t even care about nor remember says otherwise, Jungkook thinks he still is. He’s listless and so devoid of what he cares for in life, he can’t even discern shit not unless it’s handed to him.
Until you.
Jungkook doesn’t think he’s built for love. He does not think that he’s built to care for anyone outside of himself and his family and the very few in his closest circle. He has a good life, so much of a good life that the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks that he’s not deserving of the love he’s readily handed with.
Love is for parents to their children and care is for children to their friends. Love and care are exclusive to only the people you know and would trade your lives for because you’re bound by the same and same circumstances you were predetermined for.
Love and care shouldn’t be easily handed out; it shouldn’t be as easy as you taking a hit in behalf of Jungkook because you wanted to protect him despite not knowing him at all.
If only things were different, Jungkook would’ve been decked on live television for a reason that even he understands. But things weren’t different — fate put you in the way, literally in the way.
Jungkook used to believe that love is for the weak. Love is for the weak because it’s based on a faulty premise of caring for others despite the presence and threats of fallacies.
In the middle of the mall he begged you to go with him without another bodyguard present, there lies a huge water fountain. He only stands from a distance yet he knows the familiar stance, seeing you throw a coin with the most dejected look in your face.
“What’s that for?” Jungkook asks, eyes desperately looking for yours.
“For all your wishes to come true.”
When you say it like that — when you put him above yourself again to wish for all his desires to come true, he realizes that he is what makes love weak.
Jungkook doesn’t even know if he’s deserving of your love.
( ♡ )
It wasn’t easy tendering Mr. and Mrs. Jeon your letter of resignation.
Mr. Jeon was in utter shock, not only losing an exemplary employee but also a dear friend he could consider as a daughter figure. You would indulge him in his rants about flowers and random facts, actually conversing with him instead of giving half-hearted hums and answers.
Mrs. Jeon was in denial, breathlessly chuckling as she rereads your letter again a few more times. She bestowed her trust and gratefulness for you the moment she saw you, and seeing you hand this in now, she can’t help but think it’s her fault for everything.
Truth be told, you didn’t even expect for the two of them to feel this way towards your resignation. You thought the default expression was for employers to be disappointed and acknowledge your letter, not so much hesitating in kicking you out after the two-week notice ends. But this was different — Mr. and Mrs. Jeon do care.
After a few tears and conversations, you’ve pleaded to them to not let Jungkook know about your resignation nor Seokjin’s. It wasn’t too much to ask for (you think) yet Mr. and Mrs. Jeon agree despite their uneasy smiles, now under the assumption that your resignation has everything to do with their son who caused you trouble and more.
Jungkook feels the same pain of unease, feeling like there’s been a shift of the way people move around him lately. He doesn’t see much of you nor Seokjin anywhere in the residence or even at his parents’.
For some reason, you’ve been coming home dead late into the night, not coming home at one instance until 2 in the morning. He knows because he keeps track, unconsciously having trained himself to know your footsteps from the time you’ve been with him.
It’s foreboding guilt that bites him first and loathing that chews him later on. He feels restless sitting by his door waiting for you to come home and at times when it’s just too late in the evening, Jungkook situates himself on the couch to watch the door open the second the lock turns.
“Where the hell have you been?”
The abrupt voice that questions you gives you the fright of your life, making you think it was about to trigger another nosebleed that’s just barely dried up. You freeze by the door, cussing and clutching at your heart and only realizing that it’s Jungkook-
Why would Jungkook wait for you to come home?
He’s cozy in his sweats but his physique is the furthest thing from it, the tension on his posture and the stress on his face clearly visible. It’s four in the morning, no reason for him at all to be awake.
There should be no reason for him to worry for you, wait for you to come home and yet here he is, looking distressed and relieved at the same time at your presence.
When Jungkook asks this time, it’s your turn not to answer. You won’t tell him you’ve just come from an underground fight and won, making it your practice before you make your comeback on the octagon once again.
The longer you freeze, the longer Jungkook tenses. His eyebrows are furrowed, hands on his waist. “Excuse me, I’m asking here. It’s morning! Why did you only come home now?”
“Why are you concerned?” you quip harsher than intended, the dim lighting making you seem angrier than you actually are.
“Uhm, why exactly am I concerned?! Because I thought you were mugged or kidnapped or like I don’t know, in an accident or something?!”
“I can protect myself,” your answer falls on deaf ears, overpowered by Jungkook trying (this is his attempt) not to freak out completely.
“Why didn’t you tell me where you were going? Is it so hard to send a text?”
“Fuck, why are you even awake?” you mumble in annoyance under your breath, this sudden concern for you being cloying, yet to your surprise, he hears you loud and clear.
“Because I couldn’t sleep from worrying over you, that’s why!” his eyes widen because it was the most obvious answer — everyone else would know if they were in his position.
“Jungkook,” you grit, exhaling shakily. “Shut the fuck up. Don’t give me a headache.”
He doesn’t seem deterred by you or your irritation towards him at all, cementing himself deeper to the ground. 
“Where. Were. You.”
“None of your business,” you enunciate. “Also, sending you a text? Really? Why would I, your bodyguard, update you of my whereabouts? Do you know how goofy that sounds?”
“You’re not answering me,” he follows you, pausing when you look back at him in the threshold of your room. “Can you please just tell me what was it that you did for you to come home this late?”
You narrow your eyes at him.
Jungkook knows that look, the same one he would give you when you were trying to communicate him outside his room.
“Don’t shut that-…“ 
…door.
( ♡ )
Jungkook can’t handle it.
He can’t placate himself anymore, no longer able to delude himself that his gut is wrong and there really must be something much more painful for him, for both of you, in store.
He acts upon every impulse and applies every unnecessary skill of blending himself into the crowd, tailing Seokjin first because he knew you must be taking extra steps for him to get off your back.
And he’s right — Jungkook’s right about his feared, drawn-out assumption that you were fighting again. He thought he was just seeing things last night, that the bruise near your eyebrow was just a shadow cast to your face from coming home late.
He wants so badly to be wrong this time. He hates that the only time he’s right, it would be at guessing that you were putting yourself in harm’s way intentionally.
Everything makes him want to churn, the moment he sees Seokjin and then your figure shortly join him to the entrance of an underground club so sketchy and rancid from the outside, it gives him vertigo. You can’t be doing this, there’s no way you’re doing this again so willingly.
He follows the both of you, already gaining weird glances when he was barely into the entrance. He’s made sure to look as unnoticeable as possible, wearing the sweats that everybody wears with even a mask on. Something about him was so distinct that it makes everyone think that oh, that guy looks eerily like Jeon Jungkook. He throws everyone into a loop because wait, there is simply no reason at all for Jeon Jungkook to be in an underground club, at a fight night no less.
Jungkook tries to stomach it; weaving through the crowd and trying to ignore the low ceiling, the lookouts at every exit, and the mentions of your name and the bets attached to it.
He holds his breath until then, until he forces himself into the backrooms while everybody’s too preoccupied and he’s right again — so right with his assumption yet beyond wrong with everything else, chest tightening when he sees you donning the familiar gear.
“What the actual fuck?”
Jungkook’s breathless, shrill voice immediately makes you freeze. Seokjin reacts quickly and evidently, head snapping to meet his figure. “Jungkook-…“
Neither of you pay attention to Seokjin, locked in a delirious gaze with each other that you still can’t believe he’s here of all places. Of all times.
“You’re fighting again?” he whispers, knowing that it’s a question that answers itself. You don’t answer, still frozen in your stance. The noise outside dulls in your ears yet it amplifies in Jungkook’s, a yelp getting caught in his throat. “Why are you fighting again?!”
“Please tell me this is not about the pay. My parents pay you even higher than when you were fighting in the league. I made sure of it,” he gritted, knowing that he pushed for them to pay you even higher.
He can’t rack his head for any reason for you to be here. You were fine — you were fine with him. You don’t have to fight for money and he made sure of it above all things — why would you fight?
You can’t rack any reason in your head for Jungkook to be here. He made it clear to you that he didn’t care for you and yet he’s here, in a place where he clearly doesn’t belong — why should he be concerned?
“Why the fuck did you follow me?” you grit, your tone reading more concerned than angry. “Go home, Jungkook. Right now.”
Seokjin leaves the two of you alone because he’s called by the organizer, taking it as your cue to try and get Jungkook out of here before the fight starts.
“They’re gonna recognize you here. Now’s not the time.”
“No, now is the time! You’re my bodyguard, why are you out here getting beaten up?” he stands his ground, bending and bracing his knees to make it harder for you to pull him away.
“I’m not getting beaten up out there, trust me,” you huff cockily, momentarily distracted by his insinuation to realize that Jungkook has more pressing matters in mind.
“That’s not the point,” he whines, turning the tables on you and holding you by the wrists at the brief second you bragged to him. “I know — you already know you’re good, you don’t have to prove anything. You have a new job. Your job is me. You have me. Why are you still going back to this?”
Jungkook doesn’t get why you want to revert to the old version of you so badly. He doesn’t get why you want to run into the face of hurt and to become the poster child of fighting again despite leaving that scene for him.
“Jungkook,” you swallow at the reminder that protecting him is no longer your job. “Now is not the time.”
He remains stubborn, letting go of your wrists yet he’s still not budging to leave.
“If you want to know why, please go home right now. I’ll explain it to you when I get there.”
“No,” Jungkook swallows thickly, feeling his heart twist because he feels it. He feels the impending doom — he doesn’t know what exactly is it, but he knows it exists. “Whatever it is that you have to say to me, you can say it now.”
“I go out there in two minutes!” 
Seokjin hovers by the door, curiously looking and wanting to intervene so badly.
“Well then say it to me now!” Jungkook just about bursts, prompting you to do the same.
“The dating contract’s already been dissolved since last week. We don’t have to pretend we’re dating anymore so you can stop caring about me,” you rush, taking a deep breath before you continue. “I already terminated my contract too. I’m not your bodyguard. I’m training someone else to take over my position. I’ll be out of your hair by the end of the week, and the new hire will be in by Monday.”
Jungkook hasn’t fought anyone physically yet his ears ring.
His ears ring and his stomach hurts, his chest feeling like it’s collapsing.
“That’s everything. Now leave, Jungkook. Go home now.”
Jungkook’s frozen even when Seokjin pulls you out to enter the ring. He’s not numb because he can hear the roar of cheers and he can drag himself feet first to the main area to watch you hurt and get hurt.
You’re still fluid in the ring, your signature fighting style highlighting the sloppiness and volatility of your opponent.
Your fighting has always been this way and yet it looks different to Jungkook compared to the first time he’s seen you in the flesh. He isn’t queasy when it comes to watching fights, never — yet now, he feels sick. 
Your moves are still quick, calculated, and powerful yet none of it registers to Jungkook because you’re not alone on the ring. He can’t see how good you are — he can only see how you could be hurt.
And you do get hurt. You’re graceful regardless if you deliver blow after blow or receive a few hits every now and then, but what Jungkook could only see is you being hurt. Of how you’re experiencing pain even if what you receive is barely half of the pain you deliver.
Jungkook watches you in a different perspective. Just about a year ago when he first saw you in action, he was cheering for you. Yelling with the crowd when you were overpowering and chanting when you were on the verge of finishing your opponent. 
But now, despite you overpowering and finishing your opponent, he can’t find it in him to cheer. All he could see is you hurting and it brings tears to his eyes, unable to control his emotions even more because he feels like hurling.
You win. You win like always and as soon as your hand is raised and the bell is rung, it’s not Seokjin who gets to you first — it’s Jungkook.
You’re elated and running on pure adrenaline but you feel like crashing as soon as you feel Jungkook’s trembling hands on your face assessing you. You’re thankful that you’re able to grasp some sense, prioritizing in dashing to the backroom quickly so everyone collectively skips over the fact that Jeon Jungkook is here and just happens to be fussing over you.
Jungkook doesn’t stop even in a different setting, making you sit immediately while he examines the cut on your brow and the bust on your lip, either cussing or praying underneath his breath.
“I told you to go home.”
You try to breath stably, your high on adrenaline being a big jump to seeing Jungkook, the last person you expect to be worrying about you, examine you from head to toe.
“Are your ribs okay?” he presses on them, putting the back of his hand on your forehead. “Are you dizzy?”
He continues to ignore you. If only you didn’t consider yourself unworthy of his love and concern, you would realize that Jungkook isn’t ignoring you — he’s just running on autopilot. He’s not a medical professional and neither is Seokjin (the latter atleast knows how to properly do first aid). He doesn’t know how to care for you but he’s trying to, looking at you every which way.
“Jungkook.”
“How about your ankle? Could you still flex it?” he sighs, holding the warming skin on it. “That’s gonna bruise so badly.”
“Jungkook, stop.”
Your voice trembles but he just won’t listen. He just won’t quit fussing over you.
“Jungkook I said-…”
“How am I supposed to stop?” Jungkook bursts at the seams, your voice overlapping repeatedly in his brain belatedly. “How am I supposed to stop when you drop all of this on me at the same time?! How am I supposed to stop worrying when all I can see is that you’re hurt?” 
“You should look at the other guy. I’m not-…”
He ignores you because there you are again. There you are with your pride talking and it irks Jungkook because it’s the only thing you’ve picked up from everything he’s spilled. He’s worried insane over you and the only thing you respond to was what you assume is a dig at the hits you’ve received. 
“You haven’t been talking to me. You’ve been sneaking out. You’re back to fighting and all of a sudden you’re fighting again?”
“All on you?” your ears burn. “Has it ever hit you that I’m doing all this for my sake and not for yours?”
There goes Jungkook again with his self-centeredness, his insinuation that you’re doing this for him sounding deeply insulting to you.
“That’s on me? I haven’t been talking to you because after we kissed, you literally wished that we should never see each other again!” you repeat, in disbelief that Jungkook has the gall to bring up his sake.
“You heard that?” he pauses, frustration simmering instantaneously. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then how do you mean it?” 
“I don’t-“ he swallows. “I meant it at the time, okay? I didn’t know why I kissed you but I don’t regret it.”
“Then why didn’t you talk to me after that?” you exasperate, head tilting back.
“I don’t know, that’s the thing.” 
Jungkook’s frustrating.
Too frustrating that now you can’t filter anything that comes out of your mouth with the adrenaline still in your system, your eyes rolling so hard that Jungkook thought you were gonna black out for a second.
“That’s always the thing with you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” his voice gentle, not wanting to know what you mean by it if it’s to hurt him. 
Thinking about it, Jungkook thinks that he may not deserve your love, but he does deserve your hurt.
“That you’re selfish,” you spit. “You’re the most selfish person I know, Jungkook. The worst.”
“I’m the worst person I know too.”
He agrees with you. After all, it’s not the first time things like these have been said to him. But now that it’s coming from you, Jungkook could confirm to himself that it’s the truth.
“Please let me be the worst one more time,” Jungkook breathlessly pleads, the tightness in his chest only wounding. “Please stop fighting.”
“I’m not begging you to be my bodyguard again. I’m not begging you to be my fake girlfriend. I’m not begging for my sake this time,” the tears fall freely from his eyes, trying not to shut his eyes because when he does, he’ll see you wincing again. “Stop fighting.”
You’re caught off-guard, the beating in your chest confused because at this point, Jungkook should be contradicting you to hell and back that he’s not the worst person you know.
“It’ll all catch up to you someday,” he warns gently. “You’re hurting now. It’ll hurt even more when you go back to the league,” 
That’s it.
“Oh.”
The actual moment of realization that hits you doesn’t relieve you, instead, it makes you dizzy. You’re chuckling but it’s devoid of actual humor. Nothing’s funny about it.
“You’re begging me to stop fighting,” you smile, the same adrenaline that flows through your chest starting to tighten around your heart. “I thought you were begging me to come back to you because you love me.”
“And you don’t, right?” you ask with tears building on your eyes, tilting your head to gauge Jungkook. “You don’t love me, do you?”
Jungkook’s breathless. That’s not true. That’s the shittiest assumption he’s ever heard about himself. Before he can even explain himself, you’ve already made up your mind.
“You don’t want me,” you mumble. “You only want me around.”
You’re trying to get up and Jungkook’s trying to sit you back down, even going so far as to kneel in front of you to weigh you down but you tug him back up harshly, pointing him right at the door.
“Get out, Jungkook.”
“No,” he shakes his head no earnestly even if you’re stepping towards him with anger you can’t even explain.
“I want to become just like you,” you chuckle, pacing around with an accusing finger pointed to him. “I want to be the worst, most selfish person I know. Even if it’s just for tonight.”
“So leave, Jungkook,” you say as sternly as you could, the crack in your voice giving away that perhaps it’s not only anger that you feel. You fish for a coin in your duffel bag with trembling hands, throwing it patronizingly to the floor, spinning and turning to land right at his feet.
“I wish you’d leave me.”
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Jungkook doesn’t.
He shows up on your next fight.
He shows up for the third, the fourth, the fifth fight, and the fights after that.
Jungkook could be committed just as he is stupid, that much he knows. He let you become the worst, most selfish person you know (read: him) that night and left just as you wished — but only for that night does he grant it.
There was no other word to describe Jungkook besides desperate. It dripped off him the second you woke up the next day and you almost tripped the moment you got out of your room because Jungkook’s sleeping right outside it, true to his word that he would leave you alone for the night; and factually enough, it’s morning.
He’s so desperate to the point that it’s pitiful, equivalent to a dog sleeping at your feet and you having to work around in removing your shoe underneath the snout. 
You don’t hate Jungkook, no, maybe not anymore. It’s much more complex than that. It has everything to do with how perhaps the two of you are emotionally constipated, one more than the other, and how the two of you think in your own twisted ways that you’re undeserving of love.
You don’t hate Jungkook, he’s tolerable. You attempt to tolerate him even if he literally pushes Seokjin out of the way to assess your injuries, his knowledge growing more and more for each fight that you get yourself into. He fusses over you more than you ever did for him.
You try to tolerate him and swallow the secondhand embarrassment you get from Jungkook sticking out like a sore thumb in the places you belonged to but he didn’t. Jungkook knows how just out-of-place he looks but he can’t bring it in himself to focus on the timidness he feels, only able to focus on your sake and on your hurt only.
He fits himself in places he doesn’t belong to in the hopes that he’d find you there; in the hopes you’d take him under your wing again and put a hand on his waist just like past times, a quiet understanding between the two of you that you’ve got him.
Just like now, Jungkook forces himself into the small couch of the backroom waiting for yet another fight, squeezing himself to lie down on your lap, gauging your reaction.
You smile.
Ah, you don’t look like you hate him.
“I did something by myself today,” he clears his throat, making you look up from your phone and back down on your lap because you almost forgot he’s invaded your space. Again. “I enrolled myself in a course.”
“Don’t you already have your degree?” you ask perplexed, distinctly recalling his diploma displayed in his parents’ living room.
“Yeah, in business. It’s a useless degree,” Jungkook smiles sheepishly, admitting it outloud. “After all, I’m a nepo baby, right?”
You tense at the random addition, feeling a little sorry because you know you’ve left quite the sting on Jungkook since your fight months ago. “Jungkook, I didn’t-…”
“It’s okay. I’m starting to become more self-aware these days,” he grins without malice, eyes crinkling and dimples appearing that you momentarily stop your explanation to just observe. 
When you look at him like that, Jungkook knows when people care (and love) for him just because they do.
“Speaking of being self-aware, against popular misconception, I know how to love,” he makes a show of clearing his throat, delivering his line with utmost sincerity that it turns him meek. “I just don’t know when to stop.”
When Jungkook professes to you like this, he sounds the most attainable. He sounds soft; the most vulnerable of the vulnerable.
“Are you stopping?” you ask just as gently.
“You tell me.” (Read: no. Jungkook doesn’t ever want to stop loving you.)
It’s silence, always dwindles to it between the two of you but it isn’t the type that weighs the both of you down. Simply put it was just peace, a quiet understanding that love isn’t weak as either of you painted it out to be.
“Anyway, I enrolled myself because I want to study again. It’s something I wanna be an expert on,” Jungkook’s heart thrums in his ears, looking up at you who looks just as nervous and excited as he is. “I’m studying to become a paramedic.”
You smile warmly, head tilting in wonder.
“Why?”
“So I can help you. You protected me before, and it’s my turn to aid you now,” he chews on his bottom lip. “I can save you myself if worse comes to worst.”
Jungkook gets a pinch to his thigh for even thinking such a thing and it makes him giggle a little, a welcome break to the somber and serious thoughts he has regarding you career.
“I know you want to continue fighting. I don’t know when you’ll stop and if I could convince you to stop,” he pauses, looking down on your hands that are hovering just above his. “But for as long as you’ll fight, I’ll try to heal you.”
Against your belief, perhaps love is for the weak. Because as much as it’s cruel and it chooses, love is based on a faulty premise of caring for others despite the presence and threats of fallacies — and if loving Jungkook means to be weak, then so be it.
“Jungkook.”
“You don’t have to cry,” Jungkook weakly reprimands you and yet he cries himself, reaching up to wipe at your eyes. “You took care of me. You’ve been taking care of everyone and everything but yourself your whole life.”
Against Jungkook’s belief, perhaps love isn’t for the weak. Because as much it’s based on a faulty premise of caring for others despite the presence and threats of fallacies, love found its way to him in the form of you — and if loving you means subjecting himself to such cruelness, Jungkook would strive not to be weak.
“I can take care of you,” Jungkook whispers, more than willing to spend the rest of his wishes in giving everything you deserve. “Let me take care of you.” 
You don’t have to amount to something to be considered deserving of love — the moment you love, you amount to everything.
“I wish you’ll let me love you the way you love me.”
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ashwhowrites · 2 years
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hey can i request? asshole king!steve harrington x popular!reader with some real angst with unrequited love trope.. so y/n is in love with steve for years shes practically attached to him anywhere he goes annoying him cheering him up its embarassing and all but he never respond or look in her way rejecting her in harsh way or something like that and instead went for another girl in front of her eyes then one day she just done with him and get herself a boyfriend or something and when steve found out he realized he fucked up and he regret it he tries to win her back but shes not going back or you decide the ending lol smndksksd pls this is shitty but i just need some good unrequited love angst that hurts the most 😭 no pressure tho love u so much ur an icon <3<3<3
Oh absolutely!!! And this is not shitty whatsoever, I love this plot idea and I try to do it justice.
If this isn't what you wanted please let me know so I can rewrite it :)
We are going to pretend Eddie was very involved in Steve's years in highschool for this.
Steve x Reader,Reader x Billy
I want to mention that I know some people do not like the character of Billy Hargrove and may be uncomfortable with the reading being involved with him. So if you wish to read this but want a different character let me know and I can create an alternate version with no Billy!
In this post we are going to act like Billy is a new guy with a clean slate. And he's not an asshole :)
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Y/N did not make it a secret that she was infatuated with Steve Harrington. She made it very obvious she adored him and had a massive schoolgirl crush on him. But he never gave her the time of day. It hurt her, she will admit, but you are never supposed to give up on love, right?
So when she asks him about his day, she'll ignore the eye roll he gives as he answers. When she asks to be his partner for projects, she'll ignore him when he lies to say he already has a partner. When she holds open the door for him, she'll ignore the glare sent her way. When she tries to sit next to him in the cafeteria, she'll ignore him when he slams down his backpack to cover the spot. She'll have a tight smile and sit next to Tammy. All these things she could easily ignore, all because she loved him.
Things were getting ugly when Billy Hargrove came into the picture. Y/N could tell Steve was getting angry with this new guy. Billy was trying hard to dethrone King Steve and take the title for himself. It was slowly working.
Billy was making Steve look like an idiot on the basketball court. He was running circles around him all day long. Glares and harsh words were being thrown at each other. At one point, Billy shoved Steve to the ground to take the ball. Y/N was watching from the other side and quickly ran over to check on him. As she kneeled next to him and offered her hand, "Hey, are you okay?"
As usual, Steve answered with an eye roll and moved away from her hand. "Leave me alone." He jumped up and returned to the game. Yeah, she was a little embarrassed to be bluntly rejected in the middle of gym class, but hey, that's what she's used to when it comes to Steve.
But as she was getting up, a body stood over hers with a hand stretched forward. She looked up and made eye contact with beautiful blue eyes. Her cheeks blushed at the smirk on the boy's face. "Let me help you up, gorgeous." She grasped his hand and let him pull her up to her feet. With quick exchanged smiles, they went opposite ways.
Another day, another conflict between Steve and Billy. Steve was hosting his usual Halloween party, and dancing around with Nancy. He heard screams and chants of "Billy. Billy. Billy" and he knew exactly who showed up. His body stiffened when the man himself walked up to him. His beer-coated chest was shown off through his unbuttoned shirt.
Y/N watched with her usual observing gaze. Even if Steve didn't like her, she'd always watch out for him. She knew he didn't have a good relationship with his parents. He was alone, and she wanted to fix that. She watched as the guys seemed to be arguing, and a sudden punch landed on Billy's right eye. Steve had just poked the bear, and Y/N knew he was going to pay the price. She watched as Nancy stood, drinking and not diffusing the situation. The music stopped as Billy landed a blow to Steve's stomach. His knees hit the floor within seconds. As usual, Y/N quickly ran over to drop next to him. Before any words could make it out of her mouth, Steve was beating her to it.
This was the first time he had ever looked directly into her eyes. She could see all the different types of browns swimming around. Her heart quickened but shattered just as fast when Steve's eyes went into splints. Angered and annoyed, he was spitting right in her face, "I told you to leave me the fuck alone. Why don't you get that? "
And he puffed out his chest and got up to walk to the bathroom. Billy was long gone, and Nancy was watching the pair closely. Embarrassed yet again, Y/N brushed it off. As she got up, she noticed Nancy going after Steve. Y/N felt a soft smile graze her face, happy to know someone was going to take care of Steve tonight at least.
A few minutes passed as she stood outside, smoking a cigarette. Her eyes looked up and landed on the same blue eyes, already staring back. She sent an inviting smile that he gladly took advantage of. He walked over and took out his own cigarette and lighter. He lit it up and inhaled the taste. He looked over at her again.
Billy truly thought she was beautiful. She looked like she didn't even have to try; she barely wore makeup. She wore cute outfits to school. She is popular; that's a given. But he could tell she'd look gorgeous in a hoodie and sweatpants, if he ever got to see it. He didn't notice he was staring for a decent amount of time until he felt the sting of his cigarette burning the tips of his fingers. He quickly threw it on the grass and stomped it out. A giggle caused him to look up, a questioning expression on his face as he looked at her.
"You totally just wasted that whole stick just because you were staring." She was teasing, but she couldn't lie that butterflies were storming up inside of her. This gorgeous guy, who could be doing many things with anyone here, was standing next to her and just staring at her. She felt beautiful.
The burning stares were caught off guard when she saw Steve slamming the back door and stomping towards the edge of his pool. She could practically see steam flying out of his ears. But she noticed his shoulders were slumped, a sign he was upset.
She looked over at Billy with an excuse on her lips. He seemed like he understood and watched her walk over to place a hand on Steve's shoulder. He didn't understand what was going on between them. They seemed to be into each other, but he takes account of all the times he's seen Steve blow her off. He always felt bad for her when her cheeks would flare up with her head down. He doesn't understand why Steve would treat her so horribly when she was like an angel to him.
Steve felt a hand on his shoulder. The familiar touch sent heat into his body, and he knew exactly who it was. He felt her body sit next to him. With a soft touch to his knee, she asked, "What's wrong? Do you want to talk about it? "
Steve knew she was being nice, and she doesn't deserve the way he treats her. But the alcohol, anger, and sadness took over his mind and picked out his words for him. Before he knew it, he was staring into her eyes again. He felt like he was receiving another punch in his gut when he saw that familiar adoration shown through her eyes. He hated it. He doesn't deserve to be looked at like that.
"God, how many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone? No, I don't want to fucking talk about how my girlfriend just broke up with me because she isn't even in love with me. I don't want to talk about this fucking Billy Hargrove coming to steal the one thing I own in this school. I'm King Steve, and that's all I have. And if he wins and gets to take them from me, I will have nothing and will be nothing. So you and your little touches, sorry filled eyes, and comforting tone can just leave me the hell alone because I don't want you here. I don't even fucking like you. This little obsession you have with me needs to stop. No more notes in my locker, no more extra food in your lunchbox to try to feed me, no more asking to be partners for random shit. I don't want to spend time with you or even be near you. I despise you. "
That was going to be a whole lot harder to ignore. She couldn't ignore the broken pieces of her heart falling into the pool. She couldn't ignore the tears filling her eyes. She couldn't ignore the feeling of her throat closing up on her. And she couldn't ignore how easy it seemed for Steve to say that to her. He truly didn't care about her. He didn't even care a single inch to try to protect her feelings, and she wasted all her time trying to protect him.
It finally got through to her this time, and she felt a little bit angry. Even if she was annoying, she was still being nice to him, being a friend, and she doesn't deserve to be treated like that. With a deep breath, she removed her hand from his knee.
 He hated that her touch leaving caused his knee to turn cold.
"You know what, king Steve, you are such a selfish asshole. You don't have to like me or even stand me. But all I was trying to be was a friend, because let's be honest, our friend group won't be there for us the second we graduate. No one will have my back and I want someone to at least have yours. It's hurting to see you so alone, Steve, and I just wanted to let you know you have someone in your life that's there for you. But I'm starting to think maybe you deserve to be alone. Fuck you, " with that she got up and went straight back into the house. And here Steve was sitting alone next to the pool. He let her words sink in.
Steve spent the weekend cleaning up from the party and letting Y/N's words sink further into his head. He knew he had fucked up. He was scared of how he felt for her, scared that he was falling for her as he had Nancy, and it got him messed up in the head. And now he's lost both of them.
~~~
 By the time Monday came, Steve wasn't prepared to walk in to see Billy Hargrove smiling up against Y/N's locker.
With a tight smile on his face, he walked up to them and said, "Y/N? Can I talk to you? "
He hated the way he could see her body go straight. It was easy to tell she was uncomfortable. His eyes were focused on her, but he could see Billy squaring him up from the side.
Y/N gave Billy a smile and a quick, "It's okay B, I'll catch up with you later." B? Now Billy gets a nickname?
"Hey, Steve." No Steve, no nickname, no smile, and no warmth.
"I just wanted to apologize. You were right. I was being an asshole, selfish, and a dick. And you did not deserve that in the slightest way. " And he truly meant it.
"Steve, look, I get it. I was this annoying girl who followed you around like a lost puppy because of this huge crush I had on you. You were also right. I think Friday proved that we are both not meant to be in each other's lives, not even as friends. I hope things work out for you. " And she walked away. Steve felt like this was what he was supposed to want. He asked for this, but it didn't feel as freeing as it was supposed to. As a few months passed, this was definitely not what Steve wanted. Day by day, he lost his title of King Steve. He watched each one of his friends slowly leave his circle to join Billy. God, he hated Billy more than anything. He stole his title, friends, spot on the basketball team, his popularity, and one thing he didn't know he cared to lose, her. He hated that it hurt when he saw them on a date for the first time; he hated that it hurt when he saw her cheering for him at games. She used to be cheering for him, but now her eyes don't even leave Billy. He watched her walk by his cafeteria table every single day, even when he kept his backpack away from the sextant just to show it was open for her. But she never looked back. She walked right by and slid her body onto Billy's knee at the next table over. Her giggles always caught him off guard when he'd kissed her. Steve hated it. He also hated that every project in class he had to do alone. She never walks up with that smile, asking to work together. He never sees a note fly to his feet when he opens his locker anymore. He overhears her every day asking Billy if he needed to eat more, she packed his favorite sandwich just in case. Everything Steve rejected from her, Billy was happily accepting. Steve regretted every single time he turned her down, made her sad, made her cry, and that he made her hate him. She didn't want him to be alone, and he pushed away the last person who was willing to stay.
@mxcheese
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hyunlixr · 1 year
Text
pretty when you beg
pairing: hyunjin x fem reader
🏷 smut (minors dni) teasing, underwear kink(?), oral (f rec), overstim, orgasm countdown, orgasm control, hard dom ! hyunjin if u squint, spitting
deep breaths was all that could be heard, his lips trailing down from ur neck to your abdomen. leaving a trail of wet kisses on his way to your clothed cunt.
he kept teasing you tonight, you went out to celebrate your three months together and instead of being all romantic and lovey-dovey, he was whispering the dirtiest things into your ears. but to be honest, you weren’t complaining at all, that’s one of the many things you loved about him, how dirty he could get, even in the most innocent occasions.
— going to fuck you so good tonight, angel.
all you could do was blush and giggle it off.
so here he was kissing your clit through your black laced panties over and over again. it felt so good, yet it wasn’t enough, you needed more.
— jinnie, please
he leaned over to spit on your mouth. and you gladly opened and swallowed for him.
— shut the fuck up
you kept bucking your hips into his face, but to no avail cause he ended up pinning you to the mattress, with his slender, pretty fingers sprawled out on your stomach. the fingers you oh so wanted somewhere else. the fingers you had spent HOURS thinking about.
as he was busy making out with your clothed pussy, kissing and sucking here and there. you were getting desperate to feel something, anything. you took his fingers into your own hands and guided them where you needed him the most.
— nuh uh, i want you to cum because of my mouth tonight.
you groaned when he finally took your panties off and kissed your inner thighs… slowly. still teasing you.
— fuck please, please, give me something.
and so he did, he kissed your now bare clit and started sucking on it like a desperate, starved man. the sounds he made while eating u out were like music to your ears.
he kept alternating between licks and flicks to your bud until you came, kissing your clit over and over to ride out your high. just to get off the bed and look for your favorite vibrator. he put it on a medium speed and pressed it lightly over your clit making you moan a little too loud from the overstimulation.
— s’too much jinnie, no. no. no. no, stop it.
but he knew you didn’t want him to stop, if you did actually want that you would have used your safe word. he knew how fucking greedy you were. how no matter how many times he made you cum, if he wanted you to cum again then that’s what you’d do. you’d do anything to please him.
he pressed it harder and started dragging it along your folds only stopping once the toy was on your clit again. he loved seeing your fucked out face, and how just by playing with the bundle of nerves he could get you to look like that; legs sprawled out and open for him, cunt red and glistening with your own juices and his spit. it was quite the sight if you asked him.
once you had relaxed and let him have his way with you for a couple of minutes, he used his index finger to put the toy on the highest setting. making the vibrations float around your whole body. making you shake because of the pleasure he was providing you.
he knew you were close, he already knew every part of your body, what you liked and what you didn’t. how to make u cum, how to get you on your knees for him, and how you reacted when you were about to hit ur orgasm, so without moving the toy away from you, he leaned down, sticking his tongue inside of u going in and out at a fast pace. making you close your legs around his head for that extra feeling. you were so close to the edge, literally about to let go when he says
— you cant cum until i say so.
he proceeded to begin with his 10 second countdown he loved to do when he wanted you to beg and cry for him. he loved hearing how desperate you were to cum for him. how pretty you looked with tears in your eyes.
“10… 9…”
— m’so close please
you could literally feel the tears in your eyes.
“8… 7… 6…”
— i don’t think i’ll last, please let me cum
“5… 4… 3…“
— please please please
“2…“
— fuck hyune
“1…”
— cum baby, make a mess for me, hm?
you came, you came so fucking hard letting him guide you through it.
— good job, angel. hope you are aware of the fact that we are not finished yet. or is my little doll too dumb to think right now?
he said with a pout on his lips, faking sympathy at your fucked out state. and you would be lying if you said you didn’t want whatever the fuck it was this beautiful man standing in front of you wanted to give you.
⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ — ★ —
hiii this is my first fic ever i hope u like it :D please let me know what u think and if u write let me know how i can improve in the ask box thingy tyvm !! have a good day/night <3
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