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hoshigray · 9 months

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random thought, but like Gojo getting a little handsy while the two of you are out together with your friends.

a/n: yeahhhhh I have no excuse, this literally just popped up in my head two days ago, just read lol

cw: Gojo x fem! reader - nothing too sexual, but very suggestive, so minors stay away!! - fingering (f! receiving) - sexual acts in a public area; in a café - other people present but they don't know what's going on - pet names (angel, baby, princess) - Gojo putting you through hell but you get your getback :3 - you may [or may not] feel second-hand embarrassment, we shall see.

wc: 1k

"...Then I turned to him and said, 'I know you don't think I'm going to have sex with you after you've done thrown up on my dress.'"

"Nooo, after the dress was how much—"

"Right!! So I nicely shoved him off me and called an Uber to..."

It was a pleasant sunny hour to spend with your friends at a local café not too far away, mingling and catching up with them from the last meetup. It was always a splendid time having moments like this with them.

But what made this time a lot more striking was you bringing your boyfriend over! After many weeks of your friends wanting to meet the guy — not to mention him bugging you about also wanting to see your close buds — you promised to have him tag along for the next in-person meetup. And, low and behold, your partner, Satoru Gojo, wasted no time having your mates attracted to his sociable charisma.

Not that you'd think he'd be out of place — if anything, you knew he'd be able to swoon into their sweet graces. With his dashing smile, alluring sky-blue eyes, and engaging conversations, it was only a matter of seconds before the white-haired man could take your spot and engage with your pals. Shit, it's practically happening right now as you sip on your iced tea while he's listening to one of them reminiscing about a terrible night they had last night.

Nevertheless, you're not complaining. A boyfriend who gets along with your friends is better than not, right? That's why you watch and listen to your friend's story with a smile, happy to know that combining two parts of your world results in new companionships.

That is, until, you feel someone's hand land on your thigh. At first, you paid no mind to the action since it's nothing you're not familiar with when it comes to Gojo. But then that exact hand ventures further down and slowly sneaks past your skirt. Your brows furrow with your inner thoughts. I know this man is not trying to start something right now...And when you feel his slender fingers brush your inner thigh, you get your answer.

Your lips release the straw to your iced beverage, and you slowly lean toward your boyfriend. "Gojo," your tone hushed only for him to hear as your companions seemed preoccupied with a talk of their own.

"Hmm?" The tall other leans a bit for his ears to properly hear your whispers, his face still facing front to your friends.

"Can I ask why your hand is up my skirt in public?" You knew by the playful snicker rumbling his chest that his answer would be far from appropriate for the situation.

"Whaaat~, can't touch the love of my life?" He whispers back to you.

"Can't if we're out in the open at a fricken' café," you hiss with a glare from your peripheral. "Especially with others within—Hmmm." Before you could finish that remark, two fingers brushed on your panties, rubbing gently between your clothed folds. He snickers — both at your stifled response and as a faux reaction to a part of your friend's storytelling.

"Sorry, but I can't help myself when I wanna touch my princess." You notice him peeking at you from behind his dark shades. His fingers form a curling motion, causing your body to slightly jerk and prompt your legs to a further spread. He brings his chin down to your ears, his chuckles easier to interpret their mischievous connotation. "Plus, when did I last see you wear that skirt? Had my eyes on it since you looked at the mirror before we left."

God, I hate his ass so fucking much. "Who said I was wearing it for you?" You retort, wanting nothing but to wipe that dumb smirk off his handsome face. "I wore it because of—Ohhh!!" To your surprise, he swiftly puts his digits inside your panties; the sudden warm contact on the folds of your chasm prompts a sneaky cry.

...A cry so sudden that, of course, your friends stop talking to look in your direction with perplexed expressions. Of course, they would look. Oh, for fuck's sake...

"Uhhh, you okay, Y/n?" One friend blinks while surveying your body language. The other chimes in. "Yeah, you don't look so good; ice tea went the wrong way?"

Quick with your feet, you cough up your answer. "Ahem—Y-Yeah, I'm fine, guys. I was just thinking, ya know," your hand snakes down to Gojo's to pinch the skin, the tall other jolting his hand away from you. And you know he looks to you with pain, yet serves him right. "Since you two are getting along with Gojo, why don't we take him to the mall and show him our favorite spots? He has a good eye on clothes, plus I'm sure he'd like to try the crepe stand in the food court."

The look on your buddies' faces expressed nothing but delight at the idea you pulled out your ass. "That's a great plan, I'm down!" One says while the other nods frantically. "You up for that, Gojo?"

Rubbing his pinched skin, Gojo sends the two a smile. "Sure! I'd love to spend more time with my baby and their friends." He then leans to kiss you, but with a kick to the shin, you turned his face from a lovestruck fool to that of a hurt puppy. Your friends watch as the snow-haired man quivers and puts his forehead on your shoulder for support.

"Hmm? What happened?"

"Don't mind him; he was rocking his chair and probably hit himself with one of the legs." You speak for him as you watch your boyfriend tremble in pain with a smirk on your lips, the two others giggling at your seemingly clumsy man. It's your turn now to whisper to his ear. "That's for that little stunt of yours."

Gojo's laughter seethes through gritted teeth. "Are you really my angel? You're such a meanie...Don't think I won't do it again, princess."

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fermiomoriblog · 4 months

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The pitfalls of every Sunny ship

Diving straight into the hot coals with the first post. But it has been on my mind lately.

The setup in Omori is naturally quite mentally (and in some cases physically) taxing on every main cast character, and a shipper can very easily be overenthusiastic about getting a "happy ending" for their preferred pair, glossing over inconvenient problems and dynamics. I think that it really is rather contrary to the game's themes that this occurs, but it is also understandable that not everybody does a full psychoanalysis of every plot point in their story. I'll list some "common" problems I've personally encountered with people making content about sunburn, suntan and sunflower. I'm more familiar with the dynamics common on ao3 than elsewhere, so if you have any other observations or things to add, please feel free to do so.

# OMORI SPOILERS BELOW #

Sunburn

The "canon" ship. The fact that the ship is explicitly mentioned in game means that the ship is viewed as the "default", and it can lead to some lazy dynamics or lack of justification. You have to remember that no matter what headspace says (and headspace says a lot of things that aren't true), the first thing Sunny and Aubrey did after four years is beat the shit out of each other. Sunny knows nothing about the Hooligans, even though we do, and Aubrey thinks Sunny abandoned her (which is a feeling unlikely to abate after the truth). There needs to be basis for the ship as well - they aren't going to just pick up where they left off (presuming they had anything to leave off in the first place) right away. Which leads us to the first common problem:

Basing the relationship entirely on the past

This is the default reaction and requires the least writing creativity, so it is not surprising that it is common. Simply porting the HS dynamic or the swing scene to the future and copy-pasting is fun and cute and all, but it ignores the fact that both Sunny and Aubrey have changed massively. There's a lot of guilt that is going around, both with Sunny for obvious reasons and Aubrey for pushing Basil in the lake, and Aubrey has a bunch of new, closer friends whom depending on your interpretation are either theatre kids or delinquents. This is not really just going to get talked away on the swing set - they involve third parties.

I would venture to argue that this is actually a very problematic pitfall, despite it being generally not a very serious transgression in real life. Omori, as a game, is about moving on from the past. If you write a fic where the characters forget about bad things in the past but hang on like hell to the good things... that's Headspace. You've just put Sunny in a new Headspace.

Getting Basil out of the way

Even among sunburn/suntan shippers, it is pretty generally accepted that Basil was somewhat attached to Sunny even before the accident. So if you don't want to do sunflower, how do you deal with that?

You can write angst, where Aubrey and Basil end up fighting over Sunny. Weirdly, I've never seen this actually happen (probably because it's too heartbreaking). You can have Basil go to therapy, and get rid of an unhealthy attachment. You can also go the seriously angsty route of Basil hating Sunny for abandonment, Sunny hating Basil for his role in the incident, or a less intense version which just puts a barrier between the two. You can also have Sunny reject Basil. Or you can argue that the attachment was platonic, which is entirely fair.

What you cannot do is have Basil be romantically interested in Sunny, but "get out of the way" for Aubrey "so that Sunny can be happy". Or, well, you can do that, but you can't frame it as anything but serious angst from Basil's POV.

Unfortunately, many, many "pure fluff" Sunburn fics do this, because "pure fluff" fics don't want to untangle the whole thing as most methods involve some degree of emotional turnmoil. This is no ordinary infautation - Basil has waited for Sunny for four years. Nursing unrequited love like that is really, really painful. It is certainly not something that someone with Basil's character and history can do with a smile on their face. If you need any further convincing, I point you to Note to Self: Don't Be Gay in Faraway Town by witheredahlia.

A version of this which I think is a lesser sin (because it is at least framed with some nuance), but a sin regardless, is Aubrey getting annoyed at Basil for "stealing" Sunny's attention from her. This gets dangerously close to the reddit comments you see about "the friend group will be better off if Basil never joined".

Suntan

Despite sunburn being the "canon" and sunflower being the natural alternative, I actually think that this is the default. After all, Kel was the one to bring Sunny out, generally saving his life, and is his first friend, etc. Kel is also a clean slate character, with nothing anyone can particularly hold against them, and as a result suntan is the "healthiest", "least questionable" ship. This commits the customary mistake of believing Kel's parents when they say "eh, it's Kel, he'll be fine".

"Kel's fine"

No, he's not. He's spent the better part of four years trying to forget the happiest times of his childhood, and has been going around doing nothing but fixing and saving other people, putting others' needs far above his own, for the entirety of pre-canon and foreseeably for a good part of post canon as well. Suntan, especially with Sunny still in a vulnerable state post-canon, can very easily be written into Kel being Sunny's unpaid, untrained therapist, and his mood/health being Kel's only/majority source of validation. Kel's self-worth independent of his friends needs addressing and development, and without a lot of development, Sunny alone is not really equipped to provide that.

In all fairness, while I would be somewhat confident in saying that the majority of canon-compliant sunburn fics run into the problems above, suntan fics do usually handle it better. That might just be because there aren't that many suntan fics though.

Sunflower

It goes without saying that sunflower has the highest potential to be unhealthy. But precisely because of that fact, people writing sunflower are usually very careful to address it. Either the fic is written as a work exploring codependency/attachment/trauma/other general unhealthiness (which you can make your own judgement on whether it's a legitimate art form or problematic), or there is at minimum an attempt at pacing, therapy and general juggling of the various mental issues the game leaves Sunny and Basil with (for a shining example, see These Days Without You by Smitty1899, my go to answer for when anyone says "but sunflower toxic!!1!").

The issues that can make sunflower unhealthy and problematic are generally pretty obvious - shared crime, codependency and attachment, commitment and abandonment issues, and the whole "getting together before their friends forgive them" thing (which can still be done well, but from the POV of especially Hero can be kind of eh, and unlikely to be conducive to a healthy relationship given that it kind of depends on their friends' pending "approval".) As a result, there aren't a lot of works that don't address them in one manner or another. However, I do think there is one major pitfall that some fics fall into in the other direction:

Having everything in the relationship be dependent on someone else's approval.

In an attempt to make sunflower as healthy as possible, some authors make it so that Sunny and Basil effectively never make decisions on their own. There's always a third party present to psychoanalyse them, tell them what's fine and what's not, etc. and every step they make in their relationship is with the express blessing, support and help of the rest of their friends. The problem is, that's not healthy either.

I feel that the value of sunflower is greatest in the context of the themes of the game of moving on and forgiveness. Making it so that Sunny and Basil hang on to their guilt forever and robbing them of any "right" to decide for themselves what makes them happy is very much contrary to that - they're on crutches for the rest of their lives, and the point of the good ending is the hope that they won't need to be. It also is just not a good thing for any third party to intervene so extensively in a relationship.

Conclusion

Omori is emotionally deep, with many, many themes to explore. Ships in Omori have unique meanings and themes, which in a canon compliant context is quite hard to simply wipe away. Rushing into a ship with insufficient pacing and development, which works in "cute" fandoms, generally leaves lots of outstanding holes in Omori.

This post doesn't necessarily mean that I think less of any particular ship mentioned - to reiterate, every ship has unique meanings and themes which is interesting to explore and form a part of the message of the game. It is however true that some pitfalls in some ships are easier to fall in, and overlooked, than others, and the obvious problems get a lot more bashing than the non-obvious ones. (Yes, sunflower bias. Sue me.)

And of course, in a plotless or AU context, cute art is cute art.

#omori #omori sunny #omori basil #omori aubrey #omori kel #omori sunflower #omori sunburn #omori suntan #brainrot.txt #rant post

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woodchipp · 7 months

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A CRITIQUE OF OMORI, PART 5: THE TRUE ENDING

NOTE: Reader discretion is advised. By clicking on “Keep reading”, you willingly choose to continue reading the post.

Choosing to continue after the final boss fight makes Sunny reconcile with the fact he killed Mari - which happens after he plays a duet with her over a PowerPoint slideshow showing the group's fluffy childhood memories for the umpteenth time - and finally muster up the courage to tell the truth to his friends. However, the game abruptly cuts to the credits just as he begins his confession, leaving the group’s reactions ambiguous. This is done to end the story on an open-ended note and leave whether Sunny's friends would forgive him up to interpretation, but as with the bad ending, this kind of ending just doesn’t work in a game such as OMORI.

As mentioned in my post about the plot twist, Sunny and his feelings are of central priority to the game's story at all times, even if it comes at the expense of other characters and their feelings. The true ending exemplifies this principle - we're not shown how the friend group, the characters as integral to the story as Sunny and Basil, react to Sunny dropping such a bombshell out of nowhere, but we are shown Sunny and Basil warmly smiling at each other as their guilt - their respective Somethings - disappears at last.

The story doesn't care that Sunny's friends spent four years earnestly believing they were too inattentive to take notice of how severe Mari's mental issues were. It doesn't care about Kel's own trauma stemming from Hero's outburst, or Aubrey's issues being exacerbated by Mari's "suicide", or Hero blaming himself since he thinks he failed the love of his life - at the end of the day, none of it matters because all the story cares about is that Sunny and Basil finally have their weight lifted off their shoulders. Sunny's confession is framed by the game as a huge accomplishment we're supposed to feel happy about while the harm his and Basil's actions have caused to their friends is glossed over.

By doing this, the game unintentionally implies Sunny's friends were never important to the story in the first place. Sure, Sunny seems to consider all of his friends equally important to him...

...but some of his friends are more equally important to him than the others.

One last thing to note is that the credits seem to indicate Sunny told his friends the truth shortly before moving town. This means that he also left Basil all alone to deal with the fallout of his confession... just like he left Basil alone to shoulder the aftermath of Mari's death after ruining the photo album. But they smiled at each other, so it's okay!

The only thing to change between the two endings is the way Sunny avoids taking responsibility, and the only real difference is that we're meant to feel good about this one.

It shouldn't be too surprising, I suppose. After all, as Omocat herself said...

#omori #omori game #omori sunny #sunny omori #omori kel #kel omori #omori aubrey #aubrey omori #omori hero #hero omori #omori basil #basil omori #omori mari #mari omori

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anthroparis · 10 months

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People just dye their hair for fun. It's not symbolic babes.

okay let's start off with the fact that michela is a fictional character. she's not real.

and color symbolism in media is, in fact, important. and it exists everywhere.

when people see a color, there's often a feeling or thought attached to it- fast food companies use red more than any other color because red elicits hunger. people use blue to represent sadness, pink is youthful and romantic, yellow is happy, and so on. this is pretty standard color theory.

people have been using color in abstract ways to represent stories and emotion for thousands of years. just look at the contrast between this rococo era painting by jean-honore fragonard and this impressionist piece by claude monet

both of these pieces are very similar in subject matter: a woman in a long dress, a sunny day, a natural environment. if I described these on paper rather than showing them to you, you'd assume they're fairly similar paintings.

but you can look at these and feel a clear difference between the two. why?

because of the visual elements! the method, the chiaroscuro, the colors, the blocking.

ALL OF THESE THINGS HAVE SYMBOLISM IN THEM. THEIR POINT IS TO ELICIT A REACTION IN THE VIEWER.

lets look at another!

this is the arnolfini portrait by jan van eyck. it's one of the most famous and significant pieces in western art.

you can easily look at this and say "hey look it's two people in a room" but painters, AGAIN, FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS, have been using symbolism to depict real people. even the green of the dress represents hope, likely to have a child (indicated by the way she's holding her dress up and the dog, which by some arguments may represent lust between the two subjects)

THESE ARE REAL PEOPLE. BY THE WAY. ARTISTS MAKE DELIBERATE CHOICES TO INCLUDE SYMBOLISM IN ARTISTIC MEDIUMS.

anyway, even if it wasn't a deliberate choice on the creators part, there's this awesome thing called "death of the author" which was a french essay that argued that the original intent of the creator becomes null once the work is published, and the audience interpretation is ultimately more important.

so even if it did mean nothing in the writing process, to me it is significant. other people will have different interpretations but it'll be significant, too.

blue is a complicated color. dark blue is regal, calming, but also subdued and depressed. this could mean a lot of things, but looking at it compared to the green, just the fact that it's different, means there's some kind of change happening. even if it's purely physical.

I work in (indie, not big-budget) film and I've always felt the "the curtains are just fucking blue" argument completely defeats the point of analysis.

the reason why English class is core curriculum in schools over here isn't because it's fun silent reading hour, it's to help prepare kids to make choices and understand other perspectives and complicated situations through critical thinking.

when you limit yourself, when you say things like "that's just how it is, it doesn't mean anything" you're not only spitting on the work, you're creating a reality in which you can throw aside hard questions because "that's just how it is" is your answer to other people wanting to understand things. church v. galileo moment.

when you watch a movie, it's easy to just take it all at surface value and not give it a second thought. it's just entertainment, right? it's not supposed to make you feel anything other than pleasantly amused like a court jester!

I've worked on films. I do work on films. every single decision, from the angle of a certain shot to where the actors are standing, is deliberate. and it's so good that you don't even notice it!

in real life, my hair is blue right now. it means nothing except for me liking the color blue.

michela is not fucking real. she does not have the same agency I do to go "oh, I have some dark blue dye left in the bottle, I'll do that this month." because she is not real. she is a character.

for you, I recommend looking up some storyboards from movies, checking out some abstract art (pollock is a good place to start), and watching ralphthemoviemaker's minions review, where he talks about why character design is important.

And none of this even matters anyway because I was making a scott pilgrim joke.

the end

#no tldr. either read this like a man or admit you have no reading comprehension

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mycomicbox · 2 years

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OMORI 2 (spoiler warning for OMORI)

I highly doubt that there will ever be an official sequel to OMORI. However, the idea of it is fun to play with.

Let's get the most obvious thing out of the way: No matter which way you slice it, OMORI's story is complete, done, tied up with a bow. A direct sequel, prequel, or midquel game would be nigh impossible to pull off well. The story is just too self-contained to allow an entirely new game that branches off of it, and I am extremely annoyed that people think otherwise. A continuation would work better in the form of something like a short story or comic, not a full-fledged 25-hour RPG.

"But what about a game about Sunny at his new home?"

"But what about game that shows how Aubrey, Kel, and Hero reacted to the truth?"

"But what about a POV shift to another character?"

These are examples of direct sequel ideas that, while not bad, would work infinitely better as a different form of media and not an RPG. (plus the three friends’ reactions were SUPPOSED to be left up to player interpretation)

I get that we're attached to these characters and want to see how they grow and progress, especially after the good ending, but there's no dancing around it. A direct continuation would not work as a full-fledged RPG because there would be no “game” to speak of.

This is why I propose the idea that an OMORI 2 would start fresh with a new story, setting, and cast of characters. This is similar to, for example, what the Final Fantasy series does. Each mainline entry is its own contained world and storyline (with a few exceptions such as X-2 being a direct sequel to X), but still has plenty of aspects in both gameplay and story tropes that unify them as a series.

This isn’t a brand-new concept. To quote the TV Tropes page on Thematic Series:

Unlike a typical series, a Thematic Series does not follow the same characters or story; instead, it follows the same themes. For instance, a series may focus on themes of war, but with each installment centering on completely different people being affected by completely different wars. One might recognize a few nods to past installments here and there. If the installments share any characters at all, they will be side characters or it may be in the form of a cameo by a former main character of a different chapter.

I wouldn’t write this whole text wall without sharing my own ideas, so here they are!

OMORI was originally planned to allow the player to select Sunny/Omori’s gender (M/F), but the idea was scrapped due to the crew having to redraw all the art. I would bring back the gender selection with a NB option to boot.

Also I looked up Hail on babynames.com out of curiosity and I think I can work with this meaning.

Random character concepts:

Gameplay changes

Headspace foes

Headspace items

Some stuff I wrote down in a .txt file:

While OMORI 2 is not connected to OMORI in terms of story, they do take place in the same world, with some minor connections to the first game (such as the Pet Rocks games getting sequels or Captain Spaceboy becoming a huge multimedia franchise).

While the Headspace in OMORI is more wacky and cartoonish, I want the Headspace in OMORI 2 to have a somewhat different feel to it. Maybe something more akin to a grand adventure rather than silly antics. It could have a little high-fantasy flavor mixed in (emphasis on "little").

I imagine Hail to be very hateful and misanthropic, save for their friends (similar to Omoriboy from that old blog)... But what happened to them that made them this way? Maybe it wasn't a single event, but multiple throughout their life, and Hail has to confront each of them one by one. Maybe the game could be in several acts, with each confrontation increasing in intensity.

Since this game takes place about a decade after OMORI, I could have some Faraway Town NPCs (such as Cris or Mincy) make an appearance... or even be a playable character.

There are some quotes from the OMORI 2014 trailer and the Omoriboy comics that I want to play into: "Anything fun is just a distraction from how much the real world sucks..." "You're not crazy if even one person believes in you..." "Too bad saving the world isn't as easy as these games make it out to be..."

There will probably be a Hikikomori Route or something adjacent to it.

Omori is an in-universe brand of piano, which is why Omori the character from the first game has elements of a piano in his design (his shirt is the top, his striped shorts are the keys, and his socks are the legs). In our world, there is a company called Casio that makes pianos (albeit electric ones), but they also make watches, calculators, and other devices. So, what if Omori the company is basically the equivalent of Casio, and Hail's dream persona was still called Omori? (similar to how almost every Final Fantasy has some incarnation of Cid) That would mean that there's some sort of physical object that holds importance to the story.

Due to the fact that OMORI 2 likely wouldn't revolve around dissociative amnesia like the first game, the lightbulb in the logo will likely have to be replaced.

For the horror bits, I should delve into more of the psych-horror genre for inspiration. Similarly, I should play some Yume Nikki fangames for more inspiration (Yume 2kki, .flow, etc.)

If I'm being completely honest with myself, this game probably wouldn't be as good as OMORI, though that's usually how it is with like 80% of sequels.

In OMORI, all of Sunny's friends were directly affected by Mari's death. How do I connect Hail's friends with the main conflict so that they aren't just there for the sake of existing?

While I should keep similarities to the first game for OMORI 2 to be called a sequel, I also don't want it to just be OMORI again but with a different coat of paint. Similarly, I don't want any of the characters to simply be clones of those from the first game (other than Omori himself, who is somewhat the same, even with a different incarnation).

I have to be EXTRA CAREFUL to avoid romanticizing, sugarcoating, or truncating heavy themes. However, I also can't be too overboard with it or else it comes off as insensitive. It's a delicate balance.

Will I end up projecting myself and my own issues onto Hail? Probably.

I want to have the real-world sections take place in a big city... but I grew up in a fairly rural area surrounded by farmland and sports fields, meaning that my sources of inspiration are pretty lacking.

An idea that I had was that, since OMORI has themes of forgiving oneself, OMORI 2 could have themes of forgiving others. However, I'd be playing with fire, since I could accidentally deliver a toxic message.

None of this will probably be an actual game, as I'd need composers, artists, funding, people who are skilled with RPG Maker, and probably permission from OMOCAT and crew.

If I decide to develop this idea further, I’ll probably delegate it to a second blog.

#omori #omori fanart #omori 2 #omori sequel #omori spoilers #omori fandom #fanmade sequel #doodle

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melohax · 3 years

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I’ve seen some people who finished Omori talking about how they don’t understand the game’s plot, what happens in the good ending or why the protagonist even decided to change his ways. So then, here’s my thoughts on Omori’s story.

Warning: SPOILERS AHOY. Only read this if you’ve already finished the game and seen the good or true ending. Or if you don’t plan on playing the game at all but still want to know the whole story.

I’ve seen some people around the internet talk about how Sunny’s character isn’t clear to them or how they feel Sunny doesn’t deserve a good ending. Here’s some thoughts I have on why I think Sunny’s growth was well depicted.

There’s two main routes you can go through in the game: the “Reality” route and the “Hikikomori” route.

In the “Hikikomori” route, Sunny stays in Headspace forever and we get to learn many additional details about him. Sunny’s parents are implied to have known what Sunny did to Mari all along. It’s also implied that Sunny’s mother covered the whole thing up and chose to present it as a suicide as well cus, in her own words, she can’t bear the thought of losing both of her kids.

Sunny’s mother insinuates her son isn’t a “good boy” even though she begs him to be good but she still sees him as her little boy (as seen by the overly-sweet and positive messages she leaves around the house and her voice mails) and needs him alive so she can survive her own grief. Sunny’s father is shown cutting down the hanging tree and telling Sunny he isn’t his son, presumably disowning Sunny. The father keeps being absent forever afterwards.

Fast forward to the present and the “Reality” route, Sunny’s moving in 3 days. He knows his time is up in the real world and the biggest catalyst for his personal growth is that he’s finally seeing his old friends in the REAL world after 4 years of only seeing their loving, idealized child version in dreams. For the first time, he gets to witness the collateral consequences of what he did to Mari in his now teenaged friends: Aubrey spirals into delinquency after feeling like she was thrown aside by everyone she loved. Hero is guilt ridden, can’t even go near Mari’s grave and gives up on his dreams of being a chef. Kel wants to make things better but feels powerless, useless and like a screwup. Basil lives in a miserable state of almost constant fear and psychosis.

Sunny finally gets to see the huge toll his lie took on his friends’ entire lives as they keep blaming themselves for not knowing about Mari’s supposed suicidal ideations. He’s finally forced to face reality and he still tries to hide in dreamworld but he can’t. The inhabitants of Headspace are all people or fictional characters he knows or likes in real life (that he changed in his dreams, like how Kim’s brother is a sweet gentle giant and Sweetheart looks just like the candy shop owner at the supermarket) and their quests end up leading him to events where he’s reminded over and over again his dreams will end soon (the end of the underwater highway, the tree near the whale, the shadows of Mari and Basil) and that he needs to delve into Blackspace.

This shows how his own subconscious mind knows well what needs to be done; he’s putting the mental and emotional effort of making himself face what he’s done, shown through the contrast between the whimsical nature of Headspace and the dark surrealism of Blackspace.

As this happens in Sunny’s psyche, in the real world he can try to “atone” a bit by doing good things for his little community like completing requests people around him have. He still has a lot of trouble being near Basil in the real world but considering his entire subconscious mainly revolves around finding and rescuing Basil, he wants and needs to face Basil sincerely before he runs out of time.

We’re shown through memories that Sunny’s personality was always quiet, wary, a bit distant and very bad at dealing with pressure. Some people even describe him as cowardly or mediocre but he was just a small kid who’s entire world ended when he was 12. Since then, he never left his house, spending most of his days asleep rather than awake. It’s no wonder his personality isn’t as developed as his friends. His friends, although they were also in immense pain, at least still continued to live beyond Mari’s death. Sunny didn’t. He only lived through sleep.

Subconsciously, it’s shown Sunny both loves and hates Basil. This is seen in Blackspace with the dialogue he has with the “strangers” walking in the void. They talk about how Sunny (as Omori) does horrible things to Basil in the darkness of Blackspace because he struggles with facing the truth of his own actions. It’s also revealed through datamine of Blackspace’s metaphorical photo album that Basil, in his attempts to save Sunny from the judgement of others and to get him to come out of catatonia, was the one who come up with the plan to hang Mari.

Sunny describes Mari as looking as if calmly asleep when he drags her up the stairs. Her eyes remained peacefully closed until Sunny and Basil hung her. Then, Sunny turned back to look at Mari’s corpse, her previously closed eyes were wide open. She might have even been still alive, might have opened her eyes during or after the noose was tied to her neck. Or the belief he saw her eyes open could have been a manifestation of Sunny’s guilt, instead.

Either way, the horrifying possibilities surrounding Mari’s death lead to Sunny handling his emotional pain by subconsciously taking it out on Basil. It’s why Basil in Blackspace is shown constantly suffering and dying in many different ways. It’s the only way Sunny has been able to deal with himself; by forcing Basil into the darkest corners of his mind, his perfect colorful dreamworld can’t be ruined by the ugly reality Basil’s mere presence represents. It’s less painful to try to forget Basil and to forever blame him for both of their sins.

Still, even with all these conflicted feelings, Sunny’s tried to come to terms with love he still feels for Basil many times before. The shadows point out how this isn’t the first time he’s tried to save the Flower Boy; how all the previous times before ended in Sunny failing to find redemption and so his mind turns back to torturing the Basil of his dreams instead.

However, one of the Blackspace shadows also mentions a very important detail that changes almost everything this time around: his time is almost up in the real world. Whether this means he’ll commit suicide or move away, it’s almost time for him to leave the friends he’s always loved so much behind.

Sunny is forced to do a lot of internal work and self-reflection in what little time he has left. It’s shown through his dream actions, the surreal imagery surrounding him and the characters with all the sub plots his subconscious makes up.

In the route to the good ending, he traverses Blackspace and manages to listen to every harsh truth Basil’s shadow has to tell him. His attempts to save Basil mean he’s fighting his own mind, forcing himself to accept the truth.

To achieve redemption for his greatest mistake, Sunny needs to start with accepting Basil entirely; he has to stop making Basil take the brunt of their combined regrets. It means being willing to finally face the REAL Basil instead of permanently burying him in the most painful place within Sunny’s mind.

So basically, it’s obvious to me that Sunny is forced out of his “comfortable” hikikomori misery the moment he opens the door to meet the REAL Kel.

Sunny and Basil have a confrontation in the real world. When Sunny entera Basil’s room, we see poor Basil suicidal and at his limit. He’s clearly in the throes of a psychotic episode and at the mercy of hallucinations and delusions he can’t escape from (“There’s no way out of this is there, Sunny?”). Basil attacks you in an attempt to save you by killing the “thing behind you” but as we know, there isn’t actually something behind you.

There was never any monster to take the blame for Basil’s regrets, nor yours. It’s always been just you.

Meanwhile, Sunny is trying his best not to completely lose his shit so he can save Basil and stop him from potentially killing the both of them. Sunny likely loses an eye in the fight, shown by the blood coming from your socket and the bandage over it in the hospital.

Incidentally, the eye you lose is on the same side as the eye that can be seen peeking through the hair of Mari’s face as she’s hanging from the tree.

In the good ending, the song at the end talks about how even after confessing the truth, Sunny is alone once again, so it’s not actually clear if Aubrey, Kel and Hero actually forgave him. I feel like this is deliberately left up to interpretation by the writers. The lyrics then continue on to say Sunny still finds it hard to wake up, still finds himself plagued some days with lingering regret, but that he still tries to take it all one step at a time to carry on living.

With the song’s lyrics in mind, the end scene that shows Basil and Sunny smiling at each other while Mari’s shadow leaves them doesn’t mean they’re completely fine all of a sudden. Whether their friends forgave them or not, they at least finally have the relief of honesty. The burden of their unbearable shared secret is now off their shoulders. It’s finally out in the open, which means they both can now start healing and working to find the redemption Sunny was looking for in Blackspace. It also means they can go back to loving each other again without the crushing pain they both felt in each other’s presence.

I agree that Aubrey and the gang get pretty left out in the good ending, though. I wish there was more of them and their reactions to the truth BUT I think it’s sadly a deliberate choice by the writers to leave their reaction up to the player’s interpretation. This can feel extremely unfulfilling to many people (me included, I hate when authors do that tbh) but also to many others that’s a good thing cus they get to apply their own personal meaning and feelings.

I personally feel like the friends forgiving Sunny and Basil right off the bat would be incredibly unrealistic. I think they would need a lot of time (especially Aubrey) for them to forgive the lie that wrecked their lives for years. Forgiveness isn’t impossible but it would probably come in the form of a slow, difficult, heartbreaking process. Bittersweet.

Redemption isn’t just about forgiveness, anyway.

Even if a person is never forgiven by the people they’ve hurt, they can still find redemption for their actions through doing good for the people around them and the world at large. An example of this is shown through what Sunny can do on his last days in his neighborhood. The gratitude and additional flowers he receives in the hospital from each person he’s helped are proof he can still do good for others even after something as horrible and unforgivable as accidental murder. In a way, it’s proof that his life is still worth living.

But ultimately that’s just my own interpretation of the ending and I understand other people would interpret it all differently. Some see forgiveness as a given in the story while there’s also others who think Sunny doesn’t deserve forgiveness or those who think Sunny is a sociopath/psychopath or that Basil is the true villain of the game. I think this is why the ending was left so open, to favor all the different interpretations people have of it.

ETA: Here’s a different take on Sunny’s parents. This post argues that, despite the initial implications, they actually didn’t know about the attempted coverup. It’s a really good writeup explaining the whys and hows and has me reconsidering that part of the story!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OMORI/comments/kr9nvx/major_spoilers_regarding_sunny_his_parents_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

#omori #omori game #omori sunny #omori basil #omori spoilers #spoilers #i said id wait before doing a post like this lol #but here i am #omori meta

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shadowhuntering · 3 years

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Matthew & Alastair comparison

I’ve been re-reading Chain of Gold in prep for Chain of Iron and I've noticed that Matthew and Alastair are a foil of each other.

I’ve also been re-reading Cast Long Shadows for investigative purposes and it furthers my realization.

Matthew and Alastair have been through similar issues, but are the opposite (if that makes sense) in some ways. eg. Alastair had to pick up after Elias who is a drunk; Matthew is also a drunk. How they responded to these issues tells you a lot about their nature.

This is my observations, purely for analytical purposes so if I sound particularly harsh towards a character, I do not mean to be.

1. Personalities are the opposite to the other.

Matthew’s personality is literally meant to "blind people" because he's sunny, outgoing and is meant to be the life of the party (or his mask).

Alastair on the other hand is literally "dark" he is broody, not very forth coming and can be very prickly

Ironically though, both have the façade of being conceited when they are the opposite. Though you could argue that Matthew’s alcoholism is a result of being selfish. However, he has little regard for himself which is the danger.

Definition of selfish: Concerned chiefly or excessively with oneself, and having little regard for others.

2. They share a similar notion of love not being real, or won't last.

Alastair just having a very pessimistic view in general, but Matthew says it about himself. He has full faith that other people will have happiness, where he doesn’t see it happening for himself.

3. Alastair is unapologetically himself, whereas with Matthew he hasn’t been himself for a while, and even back before the events of Cast Long Shadows he was trying to fulfill what people needed at the time.

Matthew cares too much about the people around him to think about himself, but also tries not to care as he fulfills the bad reputation people have of him. He has a mask/façade(s) to help liven or distract, yet he also openly degrades himself. He keeps people at arms length so that they will not be disappointed by him, but also forms close bonds with people. He so badly wants someone to love him, but he doesn't want to help himself or be vulnerable to other people. He’s a walking contradiction.

Alastair does regret the things he did, but he doesn't think less of himself because of them. He did all those things to protect himself from hurt. Alastair also doesn’t care for his attitude. It’s not his problem if people don’t like it basically 😂 He clearly has people he cares about like Sona and Cordelia and prioritises them also. He is also actively trying to right his wrongs on not dwell on his past. He wants to move on with his life.

4. Matthew doesn't want to help himself, Alastair does want to help himself and become a better person.

Matthew openly degrades himself yet keeps his own secrets and thoughts of himself. He self-destructs as he feels he deserves it, even when people reach out and try to care for his well-being and that of others they also love (eg. Lucie’s confrontation). He doesn't see that he is hurting the people around him and also himself because of his attitude towards his own life really. He doesn’t have much of a quality for life. He is clearly depressed. He fails to let anyone in because he doesn’t want to help himself and also thinks too much about what people think of him when honestly the perception they have of him now is probably much lower now because 1. how he has chosen to deal with his mistake 2. how he has kept it to himself therefore making it look like the people who care about him would cast him out.

Alastair knows what he did wrong and is trying to improve himself for the betterment of himself. It was evident that at the time of Cordelia finding out about Charles, he wanted to break free, but once he got over being mad at Cordelia for snooping (rightfully so tbh) he understood that she loves him and would give him the support he needed; he had the inspiration from her to commit to moving forward and make amends for himself. Sure, he kept people at arms length in order to protect himself but inherently he does make himself vulnerable for other people. He still let in Charles, made himself vulnerable to love. Then with Thomas... he let Thomas see his guard down in Paris (and before that Thomas just saw right through him) and he ended up allowing Cordelia in, taking heed of her advice and love. He knew that Charles was hurting him and other people, so he stood up to him. He is much more open and vulnerable which is ironic really.

To me, the progression Alastair has already made makes me believe that the same will come for Matthew. However, the bottom line here is that Matthew self-destructs and doesn’t want to help himself whereas Alastair wants to be a better person and look after himself. Alastair has self-love which is what Matthew severely lacks.

5. Both had to grow up fast due to responsibilities of looking after their father...

Matthew arguably has "Mommy issues". This is not me making excuses for Matthew, or even criticizing Charlotte in any way, this is just my interpretation of Cast Long Shadows...

Matthew seems to have low self-esteem and love for himself due to abandonment issues it seems. He probably felt abandoned as a child by Charlotte. It's not that he was unsupportive of her or holds anything against her, but when you look at it objectively, his upbringing shaped his reaction to Alastair and to himself. She literally left him crying at 6 years old and told him to "look after your father" as she had to go off with Charles. Cast Long Shadows is a huge emphasis of how the feeling of abandonment from Charlotte, leading to how he instantly believed that Charlotte had an affair with Gideon and took drastic action. This I feel is because he never felt comfortable to openly discuss to her about himself really. He also didn't trust her...

I do not wish to insult Charlotte as her job is serious and I'm so proud of her, but unfortunately, due to it, it made an impact on who Matthew is now. He didn't trust, nor feel comfortable enough to sit down and talk to Charlotte because he never really got to know her properly or wanted to burden her. It probably also felt like she had favoritism over Charles, and Matthew didn't want to step on her toes. She also never noticed the little things he did like make her favourite scones and he just went feeling unloved or unappreciated (though he should have said something?). She would ask of him to be sensible, didn't really engage much in his humor which probably contributed to how he viewed himself as well as he already was so self-conscious and was vying for her attention. No offense to Henry but his immersion into his science probably left Matthew feeling abandoned as well as he was the one caring for him, then Christopher is the one who understands and engages. Matthew was his carer, effectively, making sure he ate, drank, slept and wheeled him about. He did love his father though, so he didn’t mind. Though Henry does praise him when he breaks the news about them expecting which just made Matthew feel more guilty of his accidental poisoning.

It’s like Matthew wants all of the attention, but he never voices what he wants aloud. This results with no one paying him much heed. In Cast Long Shadows there is also a comparison to James and Lucie’s relationship with Tessa and Will. James and Lucie have communication with their parents, along with known support and trust. Matthew does not seem to have this as he seems too afraid to voice it, not because he is scared of Charlotte and Henry, but because he is too considerate of them. I also find it Ironic that the next story in GotSM is Every Exquisite Thing where there is a huge emphasis of Anna and Cecily’s relationship with each other. Anna being too scared that Cecily would be critical and not understand her, but when Cecily comes to Anna at her worst, she completely understood Anna and supported her, making her feel better. To me this is another stark contrast to Matthew where his parents are too busy to build a good relationship with him, and when there is a heart to heart (Henry talking with Matthew) it is too late and doesn’t ease his mind. Anna also points out how no one would approach Matthew because “he did not do well under confinement”- it makes sense, he doesn’t like confrontation.

(I can go into further detail about Cast Long Shadows with Matthew’s upbringing being detrimental to his view of himself)

Alastair however has "Daddy issues". Alastair has a similar case of looking after his father, but he came to resent his father because he never got himself better or was so drunk to even remember or acknowledge Alastair and his help or I suppose confront his problem. Alastair knows what it can do and simply does not want to re-live it, and as Cordelia is now friends with Matthew, he doesn't want Cordelia being hurt by Matthew either or having to pick up after him as he did for Elias. That is also where they butt heads. It is too coincidental that Matthew is also drinking to forget, and is not wanting to make himself be better and deal with it. Alastair is trying to protect Cordelia, but he is also allowing her to make decisions for herself.

In ChoG Alastair says he was 10 when he learnt to fill the brandy bottles with water to mask the levels that had been drunk. He was probably picking up his father and "looking after him" well before that. Alastair tried to protect Cordelia from this because he was being more considerate for her sake. He wanted her to have a childhood he was robbed of. He is also being a foil here of Charles. Charles was so self-involved that he never decided to even think about his younger brother, Matthew. Alastair was compassionate; Charles was not. Alastair is a good older brother; Charles was not and was even accusatory that Matthew being parabatai with James and being in London is what caused Charlotte to be ill... he just has so much resentment...

I also believe that Alastair wanted the burden off of his mother, and I'm wondering if he knows more about Sona and her feelings towards Elias being sour and terrified (This is I feel what is indicated in the teaser of when Elias appears where Sona seems to go pale) despite rushing to him and hugging him etc.

“Sona went white and laid a hand against the wall to steady herself. "Elias?"”

Alastair was bitter and twisted and he never wanted people to know because he knew it was a weak spot for him. It is what sparked him telling Matthew the rumor in the first place.

“ "I wish I could say the same for you," said Matthew. "Has no kind soul thought to inform you that your hairstyle is, to use the gentlest words available to me, ill-advised? A friend? Your papa? Does nobody care enough to prevent you from making a spectacle of yourself? Or are you simply too busy perpetrating acts of evil upon the innocent to bother about your unfortunate appearance?" “

...

“Instead Alastair said: "Who are you to play the moralist, talking about tricks and papas, considering the circumstances of your birth?" “

He ultimately had inherited his father's shame which was wrong. It's what Cordelia has told him as well. Alastair shouldn't have to think of the mess of Elias; it is his shame to deal with, not Alastair’s.

Though arguably, as a result of Alastair giving Cordelia an innocent childhood, it opened the doors for Cordelia to want to reach out for him, due to her optimism and love, and as he loves his sister dearly, he takes what she has to say to heart. They will now face things together as a support network and hopefully they also have communication with their mother. Although their family may be "broken" they arguably have more communication and togetherness than Matthew does with his family.

(Sorry, that bit was long)

6. Result of their nature after childhood being robbed

Matthew seems to act more of a "child" anyways, being more “frivolous”. He is being reckless, he is a little petty as well. Whereas Alastair decided to grow up too fast and is more mature and relatively grounded. It did harden him to begin with, but he doesn’t want to completely isolate himself. He’s just simply more rational. This I feel is in their nature though, not nurture.

7. Matthew is slowly driving everyone away, this is kind of what Alastair tried to achieve

Alastair at the Academy decided that he would be the bully in order not to be the one being ridiculed, thinking that he would be better off and retain a hard skin, but all it did was make him regret and never allowed him to create good bonds with people. Then when he came back from the Academy, he distanced himself from Cordelia. I interpreted this as him dealing with his guilt and regret and tried to not get Cordelia too close to him because of it, but Cordelia cared about him too much. Though it could’ve just been that he got too used to having a hard skin, not letting anyone close. Throughout ChoG he builds his bond with Cordelia, and we also see James coming around to Alastair. Thomas as always was curious and saw his better side and Christopher was seemed ready to give him a second chance. Though due to Matthew’s spew at the end, there is distance between him and Thomas and others (save Jordelia).

Matthew is driving everyone away, simply because he is being so reckless. He had originally established good relationships with people. Then, when Lucie confronts him he literally avoids it, no matter how realistic she was being and how much he cared for her, but that was it; he cared too much for her to tell her. We see that even James will snap at him in COI

Teaser #41: "There is no point to it," said Matthew. "If you will never see reason or good sense—"

"Because you're a bastion of reason and good sense?" James snapped. He knew he had a temper, just like his father; his anger spilled past everything else, tasting of copper and fury. "Matthew, you are drunk. For all I know, you mean nothing you are saying."

"I mean all of it," Matthew protested. "In vino veritas—"

"Don't you quote Latin at me," said James. "Even if you were sober, you've never taken love seriously enough to lecture me. Your passions have been a series of dalliances and ill-conceived attachments. Look at me and tell me there is something you love more than that bottle in your hand."

Matthew also decides to move out and get his own place to force independence and probably drive even more of a wedge between himself and Charlotte. We also knows he has an argument with Charlotte; his apartment and car is undoubtedly a result of that, escaping the conflict and confrontation.

Anna had wanted to talk to him (Every Exquisite Thing), Magnus also wanted to help him. Lucie has always wanted to help for the sake of James and James has always known something was off. They just know that he wouldn’t say anything, and I think most were in the hopes that he would eventually say something. We know that Cordelia is most likely the one he tells thankfully! It is ironic that it is Cordelia for both Alastair and Matthew as well. So it already looks like Chain of Iron will provide the break and repair of relationships for Matthew, similar to Alastair’s progression of self-love.

8. Matthew is very open about his sexuality. Alastair does try and keep it hidden, however it’s more complicated. This is a reflection of their concern of judgement.

Although Matthew keeps things to himself, he admittedly is not afraid of what people think of him as his expectations of himself are so low. However, he is also ruled by the expectations of others, all through his life people had low expectations of him (again, another thing that influenced his actions in general) and he feels to fulfill that obscure one in spite?? The reputation the he has, has always been obscured because in everyone's eyes it will and always has been Charles who will inherit and uphold the good reputation as Consul as they don’t see Matthew as smart or responsible. However, the latter there he doesn’t help prove them wrong...

Alastair keeps his sexuality secret, that is until Cordelia finds out and he eventually warms up to her. Plus he was dependent of Charles as well, but committed himself that he wouldn’t be the side-dish. He wants to love himself for himself, not be hidden as a secret.

There is also a "reputation" element of the family that he still wants to uphold. He is learning though that he has to put himself first and should make amends for his reputation and not have to be burdened by others. Though I would argue that Cordelia is the one who is more concerned about it, but now she knows the truth she is wavering. It’s more complex.

To conclude:

I feel like their stories will either reflect the other, or will be intertwined somehow. As Alastair has dealt with a drunk and looks down upon alcoholism in general because of his experience makes me believe that Matthew might need Alastair's perspective to grow up. Once he understands Alastair I feel it may pave the way for forgiving and loving himself.

Alastair was the "spark" of making him spiral, but he was well on his way of questioning his family's loyalty and love of him before that (hence why we were given so much background) and it played into his weakness. Matthew I think wants to take it out on Alastair (he says he didn't blame Alastair or the Faerie. Alastair is just easy to take his frustration out on) as he is not prepared to come to terms with himself or even his family for that matter for his grievance. He loves his family very much and that’s why he feels so guilty, but it's wrong for him to believe so easily and hide his guilt away and that has to be due to his upbringing...

tldr; Alastair and Matthew have stark comparisons to each other that it’s probable that they are detrimental to each other’s character arcs.

@sparkofsummer

#tsc #matthew fairchild #alastair carstairs #coi #tlh #chog #cog2 #chain of iron #chain of gold #the last hours #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles

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jazy3 · 3 years

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X10

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I loved this episode! It was so so good! I loved seeing Mark and Lexie on the beach encouraging Meredith to return. I knew Lexie was going to be back based on last week’s promo, but I literally screamed out loud twice when Mark appeared on screen! I was shocked! I like what Mark and Lexie said to Meredith about the sand not being real and that the beach was in Meredith’s head and was her happy place and that it wasn’t real. She was in control even if she didn’t feel like it. Seeing her lost loved ones comforts her in her time of need. When living people she loves come to talk to her she sees them because it’s comforting.

I have a theory about who we see and why. Since this episode establishes that the beach is in Meredith’s head and she can go back if she wants to I think DeLuca appearing on the beach and them getting closer and her watching him reunite with his mother was her brain’s interpretation of people coming into her room and telling her that DeLuca had been injured and needed surgery and that he was stable and then telling her that he wasn't and had died from his injuries.

She needed closure on a tumultuous relationship so her COVID wrecked brain gave it to her in the form of a peaceful COVID fever dream during a difficult team. She sees and hears Hayes because she’s falling for him the same way that he’s falling for her and because he’s talking about her kids who she loves. She wants to go back but she’s doesn’t know how. She sees Richard and Bailey and hears their concerns and how worried they are about her because Richard is like a father to her and Bailey is a maternal figure in her life.

She wants to go back and as George says to her if she doesn’t it will break Richard. She sees Derek because he’s the love of her life and he represents death and passing over which is a real possibility and option. His presence comforts her in a way that no one else’s can. She sees George because what he did and how he died changed her life and they never got to have that closure in life. She never got to tell him that, but in her fever dream she does. She gets that closure and gets to re-examine why she did what she did. Why she goes all out for everyone like he did.

Seeing Mark and Lexie gives her closure too. Lexie provides that joy and that sunny optimism Meredith used to hate but eventually grew to love and missed so much when she died. Mark provides laughter and gives her the matter of fact tough love that she needs to hear in her time of need. Everyone plays a part and brings us joy and closure in the process. I loved Mark’s lines about how sometimes he yells in everyone’s ears to try and get them to listen and see reason. How sometimes people listen to him and think it’s their own idea and sometimes they don’t. How Callie and Arizona’s divorce made him shout.

It made me think of all the times when Lexie and Mark and other characters probably shouted at the living characters for their stupidity. Meredith deciding to waste her time dating DeLuca? Lexie and Derek definitely yelled in her ears for that. Every stupid fight, divorce, break up, date, and bad decision the characters have made since Derek, Mark, Lexie, and George died? They’ve definitely screamed their ears off at them. We now know that George tries to shake the grief out of his mother and Mark and Lexie make a habit of yelling in the ears of their loved ones making horrible decisions. I love it!

There’s something so hilarious and reassuring about the dead who have left us yelling and shaking us from beyond the grave and us taking that as a sign or our own idea and moving forward and making better decisions. I loved seeing Meredith talk about Bailey’s birthday party with Lexie and how what he really wanted for his birthday was for all of them to laugh. That establishes that Bailey’s birthday is in March or April. Which again makes that gelato DeLuca comment from Episode 8 literally impossible because he couldn’t have brought Bailey gelato for his actual or half birthday when he and Meredith only dated for a few months and he only met her kids officially a few weeks before they broke up.

Hayes’ storyline with his sister-in-law Irene was everything! We learned more about her, got to see what her relationship with Hayes is like, and learned more about how his boys are handling everything. He got his own storyline and development. I love it! His tour of the hospital on the way to the OR was hilarious! “And that is a supply closet!” LOL! I loved how supportive Irene was of him moving on. She really wanted to meet Meredith this great General Surgeon he keeps talking about all the time to his boys to the point that she knows all about her and knows that Hayes is definitely smitten. I loved her line when Hayes told her she couldn’t meet Meredith because she was on a ventilator and she looked at him and said, “Again?”

The fact that she knows he likes her because of the way he smiles every time he talks about her to the point that the boys have picked up on it and told her? My heart! Irene really came through for us in this episode! Bless her! Hayes was so distraught this episode. I like that they really showed his process and how upset he was that Meredith was still on a vent and that Irene was sick. His pain when he talked to Jo about how he couldn’t bear to tell his boys that they had lost another person that they love whose been taking care of them was heart wrenching.

Irene is a total badass. The information we’ve gotten about her shows what a fiercely loyal and supportive person she is. Cormac and Abigail meet at the Surgical Innovation Conference in LA when Abigail is a starving artist and Cormac is early on in his medical career. His conversations with Meredith show that he’s unfamiliar with American medical terms and colloquialisms and he talks about growing up in Ireland and how every day is Pro Bono Surgery Day there. We know that after his wife died he took his boys and moved to Zurich, Switzerland where he worked for two years before moving to the U.S.A. to take the job in Seattle.

We also know that Irene was Abigail’s POA when she was sick and that prior to the pandemic she was back living in LA. All of which implies that sometime after Abigail and Cormac met she decided to move to Ireland to be with him and they got married and she gave birth to Liam and Austin while Hayes was a practising surgeon in Ireland. But that when Abigail got sick Irene gave up her life in LA to move to Ireland for several years to be her sister’s POA and support her nephews and brother-in-law.

Abigail ultimately died and following that Cormac took Liam and Austin and moved to Zurich at which point Irene moved back to LA where she was living during Season 16 when they went to visit her during the Conference Episode. When the COVID-19 Pandemic hit the U.S. Irene then insisted on moving to Seattle to care for Liam and Austin while Cormac worked at Grey Sloan. Cormac and Irene drive each other crazy and agree on nothing and her own sister called her crazy before she died and yet she picked up and moved her whole life across the Atlantic and then to a different state for them. That’s love. That’s badass. You keep doing you Irene!

The scenes with Jo and Catherine in the OR cracked me up! "Child, who throws away a kidney? Lord." Haha! I loved Jo’s reaction when Catherine brought up switching careers. At first, I was confused as to why Jo lied, but then my friend Amy who I watch with pointed out that maybe Jo doesn’t want her boss to know she’s considering switching specialties just yet. I’d honestly like to see Jo switch from General to Urology. As Catherine says there are few women in the field and there are a lot of general surgeons on this show.

Jo switching from one surgical specialty to another to find joy and challenge herself makes sense to me. Her switching from general surgery to OBGYN does not. I thought she was going to adopt that baby Luna but then she told Jackson and Link that she doesn’t want to have children now or maybe ever and their scene this episode was pretty short. I thought when she was considering switching to OBGYN that either Carina or Hayes would train her.

But they’ve moved Carina over to Station 19 so completely that her brother died on Grey’s Anatomy and we only saw her briefly at the end of Episode 8 when she attended her brother’s memorial. Prior to this episode I would have described Jo and Hayes as friends, but they were pretty adversarial this episode and at this point they seem to be two people that like each other well enough and who respect each other’s surgical skills and that’s it. So, based on this week’s episode Hayes definitely isn’t going to step up and train Jo in his specialty. They’re not close enough and he’s got enough on the go.

I loved the scene where Jo and Jackson were in bed together and Jo started talking about how scary his Mom was and he was like why are you talking about my Mom when we’re naked together? It reminded me of how April thought his Mom was the coolest and walked on water and would talk about it when they were together. Made me laugh! I love seeing Maggie innovate and find a way to help those poor patients and double the hospital’s ventilator capacity!

Seeing Richard dance it out at the news and then again when him and Owen successfully took Meredith off the vent and she began breathing on her own was glorious! Such joy! Winston’s proposal and Maggie’s acceptance of it surprised me! I like them together and want them to get their happy ending, but this feels a bit sudden likely brought on by all the stress they are experiencing.

I mean Amelia and Link have a child together and are also co-parenting Leo and Allison with Teddy and Owen and are raising a boatload of children during the pandemic and they’re not married or engaged. It was nice that Teddy and Owen finally stopped fighting after half a season of nonsense! That was nice. I loved how Amelia stepped up and supported Teddy and told her what she needed to hear. Yeah therapy sucks sometimes. It can be uncomfortable. So are mammograms.

We still get them! You have to put in the work to get better otherwise it doesn’t happen. I like that they are showing us the process of Teddy getting better while making sure that the kids are looked after. Teddy is doing a bit better, but she’s still not well enough to be looking after Leo and Allison by herself without supervision and since Amelia is at home anyways she might as well help.

Plus, it’s probably good for Leo and Allison to play with Zola, Bailey, and Ellis. They’ve only seen Owen and his Mom for two months. I liked the moment where Teddy said that Ellis looked like Amelia and that they really are sisters. She’s Meredith’s daughter, but she’s clearly picked up some of Amelia’s mannerisms because Amelia’s helping to raise her. Which does happen. Also, she’s Derek’s daughter too and since Amelia and Derek are siblings and share a resemblance it makes sense that she might also share traits with Ellis. I like that we are learning more about Bailey and Ellis this season.

Seeing the joy on everyone’s faces, including Zola’s, when Owen came in and told everyone that they took Meredith off the vent and that she was breathing on her was palpable. Such a great moment! I loved the moment where Tom was holding a rosary praying for Meredith and Owen finally stopped being a jerk for five seconds to comfort him and tell him about his own experience with survivor’s guilt after coming back from Iraq after his entire platoon was killed.

I’d like to see them explore Tom’s relationship with faith more. Something else I loved? The texts from Cristina! Loved it! Owen was like I can read her charts myself and Cristina was like I don’t care take a picture! I love that we’ve seen Cristina through text messages the last two seasons. I really miss her. Also is anyone updating Alex? I feel like they are, but I would love to see them mention or show it on screen. Same with Callie and Arizona. I felt like Hayes was the obvious choice for keeping Cristina up to date but seeing as he has a lot going on this episode my guess is that she texted him and he didn’t respond because he was too busy worrying about Irene so she texted Owen and asked for an update.

Did anyone else feel like it was hypocritical for Owen to be so mad at Teddy for still being in love with Allison and not telling him about their relationship when he’s apparently been texting Cristina about Meredith’s condition and talking to Amelia regularly this whole time? He clearly still has feelings for both of them and they are still very much alive and in communication with him and he’s mad that Teddy didn’t tell him about a dead lover? Jerk.

I loved seeing Levi step up and step into his own as a doctor. He’s no longer the bumbling fool of seasons past. He’s got his crap together and he’s going to do what needs to be done to keep his patient alive and healthy. His song about hump day cracked me up! Link was so happy to be operating this episode LOL! His comment about the poop diaper explosion was something else. Seeing Richard’s anger and frustration and seeing him explain how he was feeling to Link felt raw and really expressed how we’re all feeling like now. The fact that being low on ventilators is a real problem that hospitals have been facing ever since the pandemic started is enraging! I hate that this is real.

I hate that real hospitals with real patients have to make these kinds of calls. Health care providers are real superheroes. I could never make a decision like that. How do you decide who lives and who dies? How do you decide who needs a ventilator most and live with the consequences for you and the patient? I couldn’t do it. I love that Meredith appears to be waking up in next week’s promo. My bet is that she’s going to reunite with Derek one last time and then wake up. I’m interested to see Richard fill her in on what’s being going on and to see Amelia and Link talk about the possibility of getting married at some point. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate shirtless Link? Hot!

Until next time!

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popwasabi · 3 years

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“End of Evangelion” and the tempting nature of oblivion

(TW: Suicide, Self-harm, Pain, Depression, Mental Health, Death)

“End of Evangelion” is a perplexing movie to say the least.

Not that the original classic anime “Neon Genesis Evangelion” series ends on exactly the most conclusive note itself, but “End” takes everything that transpired in the series and literally destroys it.

The films ends with Earth experiencing the long foreshadowed Third Impact and all of the planet returning to the primordial “soup,” as fans call it, with its main protagonist Shinji Ikari and comrade Asuka Langley Soryu as the only remaining humans left. A pseudo, twisted rebeginning of Adam and Eve’s Genesis.

The film is fairly divisive among the fans to say the least. Some fans consider it a masterpiece for its nihilistic tone and mind-bending illustrations of body horror and others despised it for being too dark and confusing with no clear explanation of anything that happened in the film’s events. Hell, even the movie’s fans have a difficult time explaining what exactly happens in the narrative.

I was somewhat in the middle with it after I watched it the first time not super long ago. It was certainly abstract, and I like plenty of stories that don’t make it easy for me to understand. The animation is definitely the franchise’s best and I enjoyed the character moments between Shinji, Asuka, and Misato. But it was also, as stated before, dreadfully confusing and still to this day hard to makes heads or tails out of with its plot.

But, as with more than a few movies I have revisited this year, 2020 helped me contextualize one aspect I think the story is concretely trying to get across.

(We’ll save discussion of “Rebuild” for another day...)

At my lowest points not long ago, I had this frequent vision that would crawl across my mind.

I imagined being up in the clouds on a beautiful sunny day, but I wasn’t floating or flying. I was plummeting, falling like a bird without wings at a speed that would definitely kill me once I got to the ground. But I never imagined actually hitting the Earth like a meat-bagged, human sized asteroid. I only ever imagined the falling part. The wind reaching a terminal velocity and the air rushing past my body and you know what look I had on my face?

Happiness.

I was confused a bit by why I kept imagining this moribund fall into oblivion over and over again. I wasn’t suicidal, though I certainly have had thoughts of self-harm plenty of times before and general detachment from life. But why the fuck was I so happy? I’m about to die after all!

What I have come to realize in recent years, as I’ve developed a better understanding of my mental health and what makes me tick, it wasn’t that I wanted to die so much as I wanted the freedom that comes moments before it. The feeling of finally letting go and letting fate/gravity do the rest.

Years of my life failing at various aspects of societal expectations and career obligations from not being able to get the girls I wanted to date so badly, relationships ending poorly, not quite applying myself the way I should’ve in college, and working a plethora of unfulfilling jobs since graduation made me yearn for that release. Just that feeling of saying “fuck it all” and giving in to the void.

I wanted to stop feeling out of control. The way the world is structured often feels like you are on a wild, rapid river flowing in one very stark direction but you desperately want to go the other way. You keep fighting and fighting it and realize after a while you are just swimming in place, you tire out and either float where the river wants you to go or you drown. I wanted neither of those things, I just wanted control and unfortunately part of life is accepting that a very large percentage of it is beyond your power to alter.

2020 made this feeling starkly apparent once again as we were hit with a once in a lifetime global pandemic that has killed 2.21 million people and counting. As common people struggle to find ways to handle the loss of loved ones and the fallout from economic instability those tasked with protecting us have more or less ignored the cries of needy. Hell, they’re fucking miffed that we would even have the audacity to ask for $2000 of our own fucking tax dollars to put a band-aid on the situation. Combine this with an extremely volatile two-party system and late stage capitalism, we are about as out of control as ever in terms of how much we actually can course correct our destinies in a period like this.

It is why so many irony-pilled millennials and gen z-ers are posting dank memes about meteors colliding with the earth over the course of the year. We’ve lived through two recessions, two forever wars, and now a pandemic in our lifetimes while paying off our crippling debt with slave wages and yet boomers still wonder why we are near universally depressed as a generation.

(Seriously, everybody needs a fucking therapist right now...and also to dismantle the fucking system that’s making us depressed!)

This is what I feel is the real heart of “End of Evangelion.” The movie is a lot of things, obviously, but, after the events of this year and looking back on the more depressing parts of my life, I feel this film is about the tempting nature of oblivion. Giving up when things are clearly beyond your control so you can get that sweet but twisted, fleeting sense of freedom from it all.

Director Hideaki Anno didn’t feel too entirely different about the state of life when he made this series and certainly by the time he made “End” he was in a very dark place.

So, quick history lesson, “Neon Genesis Evangelion” debuted in 1994 and quickly became a classic among fans of anime and the giant mech vs monster genre. Critics loved it for its exploration of mental health and depression and of course plenty enjoyed the hell out of it for its giant monster/robot escapism as well. Fast forward to the conclusion of the series, critics and fans especially are far more polarized. I won’t try to explain exactly what happens in the ending and frankly I don’t think anyone can, but that confusion led to quite a bit of outcry by the fans.

Hideaki Anno, the series’ director, received tons of hate mail and death threats following the series conclusion. The fans hated how abstract it was, how it had an undecisive ending and chose to dive into the mind of Shinji instead of conclusively describing the events of the Third Impact with plenty going as far as to say he had “ruined” his own series for them. This made him unfortunately quite depressed himself over the ending he felt creatively fairly content with.

(I think it should be clear who Shinji is mostly likely a stand-in for in this anime...)

The fan reaction was toxic to say the least and all too familiar for many creatives who didn’t adequately satisfy the insatiable vapid needs of their fandom. Anno did not take this well to put it lightly. A man who was known as a delinquent in high school and expelled from the Osaka University of Arts much earlier in his life, and dealt plenty with his own bouts of depression, Anno had plenty of his own demons to sort out and quite clearly wanted to explore that mental state in “Neon Genesis Evangelion.”

I’ll be honest and say that I myself was not fond of the ending either when I watched it the first time as a freshman in college, and even went as far as to describe it as everything that was wrong with anime to friends in the years that followed for a while. I felt it was confusing and “fake deep,” existential for no reason other than because it just wanted to and people were “dumb” if they liked it.

When I rewatched it again as a much older adult when it came on Netflix last year, I found it much more fascinating and interesting. A sort of abstract introspective into the mind of a troubled teenager, who I had written off many years prior as a “whiny baby.” Though I wouldn’t say I completely understand it still, I get it much more now and I think it has a lot to say about depression and mental health.

Unfortunately, most fans did not have that reaction back then and as a result Anno made his true conclusion “End of Evangelion” as a response to that negativity.

(You’re welcome, nerds.)

As mentioned before, “End of Evangelion” is an extremely nihilistic film that seems to one up each dark moment as you traverse its spiraling narrative. It’s a film where things never get better. If you go into it blind expecting that big last minute heroic save the day moment, it’s always teased and never comes. Things just end very badly for everyone. Nobody gets a “happy ending.”

While the ending to the original series is strange for sure, it does end on a light note that can be interpreted in a number of different ways but ultimately positive. With the way fans reacted to it Anno decided to write a big “fuck you” to them by, in many ways, smashing his toys so no one could play with them again. He even went as far as to splice in the actual hate mail he received into the movie to quite clearly show to the audience, as their favorite characters met their grissly ends, that this was their fault.

(“Gee, I wonder what that was all about.” ~ a fan walking out of the theater back in 1997.)

In a way though, Anno created something strangely beautiful from that reaction. “End of Evangelion” is about giving up in some ways and accepting our inevitable doom. There are no easy answers, no workable solutions to achieve a happy ending because sometimes in life there isn’t one. Despite last ditch efforts by Misato, Shinji, and the crew of NERV the world still ends through the Third Impact. But tonally it’s not quite pessimistic; it’s actually positive, in a very twisted sense of course.

Set to the song “Komm Susser Tod” by ARIANNE, the film’s apocalypse can almost be described as a celebration. With people “popping” and turning into the primordial soup they all largely have smiles on their faces as they kind of get what they want whether it’s a desire to reunite with loved ones, to be with people they have crushes on, or happiness that they have sought for so long in the embrace of others. Everyone’s depressed! But now they are happy because it’s finally all over, they don’t have to give a shit anymore.

As the planet lights up like a Christmas tree, there are images of suicide and death that rapidly cross the screen in the form of the Angel’s final transformation but again, nobody is truly sad about it. They all have some kind of twisted smile or joy that they get from it. It’s a shocking film, if you’re not already prepared for what’s going to happen, and provocative to say the least.

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(Can’t decide if I recommend watching this high or not...)

I had no idea what any of it meant at the time when I watched it several years ago (I watched it well after I had seen the original series), and to be fair there are many ways fans have interpreted what exactly took place in the film and have debated endlessly on its meaning for decades now. But at least in my interpretation, after everything we’ve been through this year, “End of Evangelion” to me is about the sweet release of not giving a fuck anymore.

Whether it’s about Anno feeling that way about his own life or the expectations of his fans or both, the film quite clearly doesn’t care about what people may or may not have wanted for Shinji and the NGE characters and is perfectly fine with the way it all comes “tumbling down.”

(He just wants to be with his boyfriend, guys.)

This past July 4th, city fireworks shows were prohibited in my area because they wanted to limit mass gatherings due to COVID but this didn’t stop people from buying plenty of their own to fire off. In what amounted to a collective “fuck you” to everything and 2020, beginning pretty much exactly at dusk people started firing off their at home lightshows like they were mortar gunners in World War I and did not let up until well past midnight. The entire Southern California night sky was lit up not to unlike the thousands of crosses that filled the screen during the Third Impact of “End of Evangelion” and though it could certainly be interpreted as a moment of people patriotically going “Yea, America!” that night, my head canon was much different. It felt like tens of thousands of people across the region just saying “Fuck it” into the night sky at everything; COVID, our horrendous government, police violence, pending World Wars, environmental disaster, and our collective impending doom from it all.

As these fireworks hit their zenith around 9pm I broke out my phone and started playing “Komm Susser Tod” from the movie and it felt perfect. Everyone just wanted to feel that freedom in the moment, that freedom of not giving a damn anymore. To be removed from expectations, from control, from hatred, from pain and it was kind of beautiful in a sick way.

And that’s what “End of Evangelion” feels like to me now; kind of beautiful in a sick way.

(Not saying the LA skyline looked like this exactly but it felt like it haha...)

There are still many ways to interpret Hideaki Anno’s cult classic, and it’s part of its charm but I think the take away fans should have is definitely not that suicide is ok but that we get it. We understand why people have those feelings and why it feels freeing to desire the void and oblivion. It’s a pity that the series most toxic fans didn’t get that clue through the original finale but Anno, not a person who likes being shoved around, clearly created perhaps the most twistedly beautiful “fuck you” to that in anime history.

As we enter 2021 all I can say is it’s ok to feel like this, it’s ok to desire freedom from the relentless gloom and doom of the world and people’s prying expectations of what they think you “should” be. No one blames you. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to survive the apocalypse we have zero control over, so the least we can do is be a bit nicer and considerate of one another.

At least it’ll make the Third Impact more pleasant whenever it eventually comes...

Happy New Year, everyone!

Congratulations on surviving 2020! Have fun in 2021...

#neon genesis evangelion #end of evangelion #evangelion #hideaki anno #anime #japan #90s #vintage anime #2020 #apocalypse #covid #mental health #depression #sadness #horror #shinji #covid19 #quarantine

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jeongahn · 4 years

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Fallin’ Flower: Dissecting the Imagery By Member

*Note how each scene happens on generally the same platform - the circular epicenter, the rooms, ect. How the portals that enlightened all of them bred from one another and lead them to this epicenter which was once depicting struggle - but now depicts freedom. When you keep this in mind, it’s easy to see how this MV came full circle. Much like the first scene of the MV where the choreo has Jeonghan in the center, and his “blooming” motion sets off this reaction of others like a domino effect. This seems to be the concept.

image credits: @sunnie-dk / @qvyen

- - - -

Joshua: Healing

Joshua is trapped inside a room, similar to Vernon’s in trauma. Both Vernon and Joshua have ties to America - Joshua living most of his life there, Vernon being constantly referenced as “American” due to his ethnicity. This is vague. But the similarity of the scene was so apparent, and this was the only connection I could draw. There is webbing on this massive hole in the wall that may serve as Joshua’s escape. But due to it’s weak threads, it seems as though it wouldn’t be strong enough to hold Joshua back. Instead, it seems like Joshua himself put the web up in an attempt to keep things out. A way to distance himself between himself, and whatever is behind that wall. This can also be interpreted as his attempt to patch up a wound. He’s still staring at this gaping hole, despite his efforts.

Later on in the MV (which is also the thumbnail) you can clearly see a bundle of flowers held against his face using a bandage. This same idea is shown once again on Vernon’s (?) hand, baring the a similar bundle of flowers adhered to his “wound” with flowers. There was this concept I recalled where artists would piece together a broken artifact using gold, called Kintsugi. This represented the idea of finding beauty in your broken pieces. That wounds, scars, flaws - are beautiful. It represents your fight, and your healing. He’s surrounded by broken objects that he could hurt himself with if he’s not careful (which are also in Vernon’s scene, but unbroken). Hell he even has thorns on his hands. His scene represents how easy it is to get hurt. How healing doesn’t have to be an ugly process. And how your battle scars are not flaws - they’re made of gold.

The hand covered in thorns may represents how easy it is to hurt someone with your actions, even yourself. It’s a fearful thought. One that may make you want to isolate yourself from others. But later on, we see this sole hand connect to another thorned hand - by the unthorned palms. If you are careful, you may not cause the hurt that you fear. Alternatively: while Joshua healed Vernon (as shown by the flower bundle on his arms), Vernon broke Joshua (as shown by the statues shattered on the floor; a bust is also seen in Vernon’s scene). This could be a representation of miscommunication. The pain after an argument. OR Vernon taught Joshua how to care for himself (bandages) and Joshua taught Vernon about self expression (the statues).

- - - - - -

Minghao: Empathy

Minghao showcased emotion so beautifully in this MV. I could feel this sense of tire, almost to say “I’m so exhausted, and I have to go on. I must go on,”. It’s the type of exasperation that reminds me of when a friend is venting their situation to you. There’s this sense of determination despite a lack of energy. It’s subtle.

But while he and Hoshi dance in chains, he looks over to Hoshi. And the look felt like he could feel what Hoshi’s frantic fight for freedom meant to him. The expression was almost...like he is determined to save him. Full of understanding, and almost apologetic. He could sense the under current of Hoshi’s emotions: frustration, tire, and desperation. And it pained him to feel this.

We see Hoshi stare up at Minghao’s extended arms which seem to depict the image of a bird spreading it’s wings (or as another pointed out, a blooming flower) - Hoshi seems to like he is in awe. It feels as though Minghao is both soothing Hoshi’s intensity, but also motivating him by showing him a clear depiction of what he’s fighting for. With Minghao’s understanding, it seems like Hoshi is able to free himself.

This exhaustive dance between the two could relate to how this struggle of empathy effects Minghao directly. He feels as though he’s fighting against something that wont let him go. The chains that bind both Hoshi and Minghao are pulling them in opposite directions. This type of resistance will wear you out - quickly. In this context, it seems like the burnout could relate to taking on the burden of your friend’s emotions. Suddenly, their chains becomes your own.

Minghao is exhausting himself to keep Hoshi’s flames both contained and alive. If you’ve ever done this with fire, you know how exhausting it can be. Couple this with fighting to keep his own mentally clear - its no wonder he seems so worn out.

- - - - - -

Hoshi: The Fighter

Hoshi is chained, kicking out and lunging as the anchor of the chain shifts on the floor. He looks desperate. He’s so close to being free. But you can tell he’s worn thin. He’s fighting, and he’s too close to breaking these chains. He can be free, but how long does he have to fight? Does he have enough left inside him to fight? (The answer is yes)

Later on in the MV, we can see Hoshi looking through a hole / portal in the way - which I refer to as “the portal” in later in the post. He broke through not only his chains, but the walls around him. This causes a surge. Couple this with the alternate tempo of the song - the vibe begins to change in several scenes.

The portal appears in Vernon’s scene, then this shifts to Joshua (through the statue* a common item between the two scenes) who stares challengingly at the web that obscures his escape, which then leads into Jun waking from his trance to stare down at the ground beneath him, then to Wonwoo who stands to his feet and scrutinize his bound hands. The portal is seen linking all the members together. Towards the end of the MV - its this same portal that leads them all to the epicenter where they look at the flowers in gratitude.

Hoshi’s will to fight against his chains is represented in the portals. They appear to everyone, and urge them to do the same. His fight reminded everyone of that if they can’t give in, they can be fight to their own freedom.

Off topic - the portal seems to be a mirror. Self reflection? Idealization? It can mean a lot of different things.

- - - - - -

Jeonghan: The Dangers of Comfort

Jeonghan is chained to this bed. At first glance - he looks comfortable. The bed has a fluffy duvet and blanket. He’s wearing a feathered shirt that looks so soft and dreamy. He even appears content in some scenes. Sleeping in this luxurious comfort.

But as the scenes draw outward - you see how isolated he is. There is nothing but him and this bed that he cannot escape. Nothing but him and his comfort. He can only stare up at this hole in his ceiling, wistfully. There’s this saying, that people don’t change when they are comfortable. Knowing what we do from Jeonghan, not improving scares him.

He stares tiredly at his chains. He looks as though he’s given up. It’s like he accepts it. There’s no one there to help him, and he feels weak on his own. He can’t do this alone. He’s trapped in his comfort, unable to take the chances that he longs for.

Later on in the scenes, we see Jeonghan unchained - moving around in space. Almost like a bird who has been set free. The feathers begin to make sense. He is a caged bird, he needs help in order to be set free. This relates to Jeonghan’s own idea that on his own, he is “weak”. Which is why the members serve as his form of comfort, together they are “strong”

- - - - - - Mingyu: A Garden of Opportunity

Mingyu is seen sitting horizontally among several flowers, atop a closed doorway. Doorways often times relate to opportunity, “opening new doors”. For Mingyu, he has been given the most opportunity of the group. He’s been an MV, an actor, a model, a variety show guest more often than the others. But juggling so many opportunities at once is hard. He is still Mingyu of Seventeen, while doing all of these things. Being that alone is tiring as is, and although he should and probably is grateful for these opportunities - they may drain him. The door remains shut as he seems to struggle with the idea of taking these opportunities. On one hand,he should be grateful to be considered. On the other he’s exhausted, and maybe even a little guilty on having to take on so much.

Flowers are often offered in congratulations to someone’s achievements. There is a scene later where Mingyu stares up with this...expression. It’s so hard to describe. He looks like he’s about to cry out of happiness. Then flower petals shower onto him like he’s in cleansing rainfall. He is receiving praise for his efforts. And it means so much to him.

- - - - - -

Jun: Stagnation / Rejection of Reality

Jun is suspend in air, close to the flowers we see in the final scene of the MV. This represents how close he is to freedom. But Jun is in this peaceful trance like state, dangling in the air with no sign of consciousness. This could relate to the idea of distancing himself from reality. When we distance ourselves from reality, it’s often times a coping mechanism. It may seem like we’re free because we are not at the mercy of the reality. But this doesn’t mean the trauma did not occur. Jun is caught in the middle of reality (the ground) and freedom (the flowers). But he is not moving forward, nor backward. He is not aware of where he is. In a sense, he is trapped between the two and has almost fully disconnected from the either of them. Later on, when Hoshi’s surge passes through the members - we see Jun looking down at the ground (reality). Perhaps he saw Wonwoo rise to his feet, and noticed the state Wonwoo was in. Jun is later seen staring down at Wonwoo, who stares up at Jun. They both have similar expressions that both seem to say, “I’m saved,” “Welcome back, my friend,”.

This can relate to WonHui’s differences. While Wonwoo is tied to the ground by his emotional turmoil that he rarely expresses, Jun rejects his emotions and instead floats high above ground. This might be why they’re in the same scene.

- - - - - - Wonwoo: Pulled In Opposite Directions

Wonwoo is seen kneeling that the same epicenter that many others are seen in. Ropes are attached to either end of the circle’s center - connecting to Wonwoo by either hand. This could represent Wonwoo feeling as though he’s being pulled two different ways - that there is a part of him that is in distinct halves which are failing to connect. This blocks integration, the necessary communication between the two halves.

He’s caught between what he feels, and what he must do. It’s rare that Wonwoo expresses his emotions. He says that he bottles up often. This can tear you up inside. He’s stuck between wanting to scream because he is so frustrated, and needing to maintain composure because it’s his duty. This suffocating feeling is further shown in how condensed Wonwoo’s atmophere is. The clouds are so close to the ground he’s kneeling on, so much so that it becomes apparent when he finally stands. These same clouds that were above his head, are now at his waist. He has lifted himself out of the fog. Wonwoo has mentioned that the members ease this turmoil. But in this scene, Wonwoo is alone (save for a suspected Jun). When Jun appears, we get this feeling that Wonwoo is going to be okay because he is no longer alone with his disjointed halves. He’s reminded that is he is whole. - - - - - - Woozi: The Artist In a dark room we see a painting with a hole punched through it. Adjacent to this painting is an image of a person with their face blanked out by paint. We then see Woozi, a pristine man with paint covering his hands and arms. It’s clear that he is the artist who is acting out these frustrations against his art. I feel that this goes without saying - Woozi (the artist) creates the songs (the art) and essentially holds Seventeen’s future in his hands. We know from 17Project alone what this pressure does to him. When you’re so busy being something for other people, you lose sight of yourself. Which is why the image of this unknown face is blanked out by paint - why he retaliates against the picture he painted. In this scene, light streams into the dark room. Woozi approaches the light, and peers at it. I’m going to assume this is the portal from Vernon’s scene - which is depicted as a mirror, and Wonwoo’s lights flashing across this mirror into Woozi’s room. Woozi has mentioned how Vernon’s thoughts amuse him, and how he’s always amazed by what Vernon comes up with. Vernon is the change of pace Woozi needs in his routine.

While in this light, Woozi lifts an arm to inspect the paint coating it. Perhaps he’s reminding himself of why “paints” (makes music) in the first place. He had lost site of his reasoning, in that dark room (stress).

- - - - - - Vernon: Stuck In His Own Head

Vernon’s scene is really interesting to me. He’s literally inside his own head, but at first glance we don’t notice it. He’s in this room with a projector, staring straight ahead at a wall where distorted images are flickering onto the surface. Later on, we see Joshua and Jun appear among the images, along with another image relating to Seungkwan. He’s recollecting memories, or seeing a possible outcome for the future (Jun in awake in these photos; as opposed to being in a trance). From the lens of his own mind. The interesting part is that Vernon isn’t acting nor reacting to anything at all. Even when Hoshi’s portal appears to him in the form of a mirror on the floor, Vernon does not react. This is where things become a bit clearer: we see Vernon in that portal. Not anyone else. No change in his scenery at all. The person that Vernon is on the outside, is who he is on this inside. Vernon paints his world in his own colors. This is why I think Vernon’s portal reflects light onto Woozi - who is struggling with his identity. Vernon has a clear vision of himself, and everyone else around him. It’s like he knew everything would be okay, and that’s just Vernon for you - the optimistic visionary. - - - - - - DK: The Sun

DK appears at the epicenter a band of round objects rotating around him. This seems to depict planets circling a source - namely the sun. For years we’ve known DK to be our sunlight. His shine chases away darkness, and warms our spirits. This is his role in SVT as well. But why is the area around him devoid of light? Why is he looking to these planets in slight exasperation? As if there are too many for him to handle at this time? Because it’s impossible for someone to always be “light”. He is the moodmaker, but his mood may not always be bright. Perhaps he might feel the pressure to be well and lively because of how heavily the atmosphere revolves around him. This can also relate to his role as a vocalist. His voice lifts the song up and almost carries it in the direction it needs to go. He always has to be “on”. And that can be a lot to handle. - - - - - - S. Coups: Solitude This one is simple. I almost overlooked it because it was that simple. S.Coups is in this void of some sort. All we can see are whirling drapes, and his own shadow with him. This can represent what it means to be leader. This self-isolating feeling of putting yourself underneath the responsibility of others. We’re aware of what’s been going with S.Coups mental health. Much like Woozi, you can lose yourself when you’re busy being something to someone. Perhaps it could symbolize being stuck, or being lost. Or even a peaceful, empty space. There are many ways you can think of this scene. But all seem to point in the direction of a much needed halt. - - - - - -

Seungkwan: Connection

At first glance, Seungkwan’s scene didn’t seem to register any thought for me. When I thought about the blues in his scenes, and the flowers he was holding - it reminds me of the blue scene with scattered flowers projecting onto Vernon’s wall. The drapes in his scene reminded me of S.Coups void. And the camera he held directly correlated with Woozi’s scene, which then correlates to Vernon’s imagery of recorded media. Seungkwan is the connecting factor between these three. In general, Seungkwan is the character that connects Seventeen to the world. When people talk about Seventeen, they talk about how much they love Seungkwan. Seungkwan is usually the member that stands out in variety. He’s great at communicating and setting the tone for these types of things. That is his role, and at times, his burden. But he seems light. Content almost.

It’s because he enjoys this role more than it burdens him. - - - - - - Dino: Undetermined Dino’s scene elicits virtually no thought from me. And maybe that’s the point. Dino is the youngest of the group - the member with so much potential and talent, but the most “green” member as well. In Dino’s scene, he almost seems lost. He’s literally just there, in darkness. Almost confused, but in a way...it’s like he knows something we don’t. He isn’t scared. Nor is he hurting. But he’s also not content. He seems to be searching, if I’m not mistaken? In this interpretation, it’s like Dino is wandering and searching for whatever it is that he’s searching for. What that thing is, only Dino knows. But does he? It seems almost like a coming of age concept. He’s moving forward, with no direction. But full of intent. And I think that reflects a side of Dino that we rarely see - but can totally conceptualize.

- - - - - - - This MV seems to revolve around the idea of vulnerability and how susceptible we are to the world. There are many ways in which our vulnerability is compromised, and how the consequences of this may manifest. We can feel locked in. Or shut out. Or even relish in this safe sphere our minds develop. But we can grow from it. We shouldn’t be afraid of standing up and fighting our way out of our walls. And we also shouldn’t be ashamed of needing help. All in all, the idea is how falling isn’t a bad thing. You have the potential to get back up.

#fallin' flower #i posted this to the wrong blog #*tp #the amount of domino effects in this mv is stunning #its like each struggle is so unique #but then relates to anothers #and another person's victory #causes waves that help others #which causes another wave that helps others #and then we're back to square one #if i made typos let me know #i big brained ALL OVER THIS POST #please read at least one excerpt lol #its SO interesting how they did all of this #and i want people to NOTICE it #i might make a gfx out of this #but honestly i have no ideas thus far #but the concept is there

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little-boats-on-a-lake · 4 years

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Part Four

“How are you feeling?” He asked, nudging her shoulder gently. “Do you think you can get up?” She had nodded off and it seemed that the sun had just risen, if the sunlight beaming from the window was any indication. She nodded meekly.

“Good. You need a bath. Come on.”

“You’re so eager to get me to take a bath. I’m sure I don’t smell that bad.” She croaked flirtingly.

“Someone finally feels like talking again.” He noticed as he pulled the lever, causing water to flow out a spout above the tub. Her eyes widened in shock as she ran her fingers under the warm water.

“How…?” She asked, filled with wonder.

“What, the water? Simple pressure system.” He replied offhandedly.

“Pressure system…” She murmured. “And it’s warm? How does it work?” She looked up at him with inquisitive eyes.

“Uh, the water is stored outside the house since it collects natural water.” He responded, taken aback by her interest. “I started a fire under the tank so it would heat up and when there’s any opening, the pressure from the heat causes it to rush out.”

“Incredible…” She mused, pressing her ear to the ground and hearing the rushing water. He gazed curiously at her as he yanked the lever, turning off the water.

“I have some spare clothes here for you and I’m going to go look for something that might fit you better.” He nodded at some clothes he had left on the ground and shut the door behind him. “I’m right out here, just yell if you need me.”

She tentatively slipped off her scruffy underclothes and the thick cloak. Her hands quivered at the sight of dark bruises and the faint dried blood. She slipped into the warm bath and scrubbed at every bit of blood on her skin. There wasn’t as much as she was expecting. Maurus must have washed off most of the blood. No one had ever done that for her before. Whenever she returned to the village after a fight, she had to care for any wounds herself. It was ironic. He had always been the one to give her pain, never to take it away. What could he be planning?

She carefully limped out of the bath. Her foot still couldn’t bear her weight, but she’d been through worse. Water dripped around her as she pulled the large shirt over her head. It hung loosely above her knees and smelled quite pleasant, like fresh earth.

“May I come in?” A voice came from beyond the door.

“Yep,” She called. He walked in, keeping his eyes on the fabric he held.

“So, I found some things in… oh.” He stopped entirely as he looked up at her. His eyes went wide and he nervously scratched the back of his neck. “You… uh…”

“…Are you okay?” She asked, smirking at his reaction.

“Uh huh,” He had to admit, she looked awfully nice in his clothes with her damp hair. It brought his brain to a full, screeching stop.

“Oh, good, you found some other clothes!” She perked up, seeing the skirt and off white blouse he held. “This is nice!”

“Uh… good! Here!” He stuck out his arms and she took the clothes from his arms.

“You should probably leave.” She suggested slyly. “And close your mouth, you’re going to catch flies.” He left wordlessly. She slipped the dress on, admiring how it looked. The blouse hung off her shoulders and the beautiful blue skirt hung comfortably around her calves. These clothes smelled entirely different than the fresh pine ones she had smelled earlier. These clothes smelled more like summer air.

Wait. These obviously weren’t his clothes. So whose dress was this? She narrowed her eyes as she sniffed deeply. Now that she thought about it, he did smell oddly earthy. Her head spun with questions as she stumbled out of the room. She sniffed the air and shakily walked toward wherever the smell was coming from, supporting herself with the wall. It smelled nice and her stomach growled in response.

“Hi.” She mumbled towards him. He stood over what seemed to be a stove, stirring something in a pan. He didn’t seem to hear her and hummed something lightly as he shook strange colors into the pan. She watched as his magic flowed from his fingertips into the pan and it gently floated off to a set of bowls. He turned and saw her standing awkwardly. His eyes flicked over her approvingly before they narrowed annoyedly.

“Why didn’t you ask me to help you walk down here?” He frowned.

“I can walk.” She pursed her lips obstinately.

“Can you really, though?” He raised an eyebrow. “Come on.” He placed an arm around her back and led her to a chair. He lifted his fingers towards the stove and magically pulled the bowls of soup towards them.

“Where did you get this from?” She asked inquisitively. “Did you steal this?”

“Steal? I do not steal. I grow all of my own food.”

“You grew all of this by yourself?”

“Well, do you know anyone who would sell fresh fruits to a man called ‘darkness’?” He asked sarcastically.

“You said Maurus wasn’t your name.”

“I did.”

“So… what is your name?”

“Does it matter? If no one should use it, no one should know it.”

“Well… what if I want to use it?”

“I suppose that would depend on how you want to use it.”

“Does the middle of the night count?” She smirked suggestively.

“Cute.” He deadpanned, turning away as his entire face flushed red. He bit his lip to encourage his face to return to its normal shade. His face did not want to listen.

“Cute enough to know your name?” She fluttered her eyelashes. He exhaled deeply, hoping his face had fixed itself before he turned back to her.

“If you want to know that badly, maybe I’ll tell you.” He grinned. “Or maybe I won’t.” She pouted at him. “No, I don’t think I’ll tell you just yet.” He decided.

“I’ll just presume your name is actually Maurus then.”

“Do you know what Maurus means?”

“…Evil?”

“What? No. I mean, I suppose on how you interpret it. It does mean ‘dark,’ but it also means more than that. Moor than that.” He giggled at his joke. It was at this moment that Felicity realized the boy in front of her was, in fact, a dork. “It means ‘Moorish,’ from lands far east of here. So until I become an Arabian, I doubt the name will be fully accurate, and I doubt that’s happening anytime soon.”

“Arabian?” For all she knew, there was nothing more than the island. She hadn’t ever considered other lands.

“Did you think this tiny island was all there was to the world? The world is so much larger than you could even comprehend!” Could that be why she was so different? Maybe she looked normal in some part of the world!

“So where did the name come from?”

“I assume you would know, because I certainly don’t, Sunny.”

“Don’t call me ‘Sunny.’”

“So what should I call you?”

“How about this? If I tell you my real name, you tell me yours. Deal?”

“And miss out on all this fun? Forgive me, but I think not, Sunny.”

Home

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guigz1-coldwar · 3 years

Text

'Old Echoes of a Cold War': New chapter for "Always for the greater cause..." is out!

Chapter Summary: The mission at the Yamantau is on for Jackal, Naga & Kitsune to get what Perseus needs in the mainframe...

To read it on AO3, click here!

Taglist: @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

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1st March 1981, 13h45 AM MSK

Owethu "Jackal" Mabuza, Mercenary hired by Perseus

In a flying soviet Mi-24 Hind, arriving near the Mount Yamantau, USSR

After at least one hour of getting briefed and preparing ourselves on what we should expect when our feet will hit the snow ground of the Yamantau, it was time for us to be going to that mountain and do our job with a new member of the team called Kitsune, said to be a hacker or something like that as Sonya told us and that she will be the one to do the hardest task in the mission: extract the necessary data that Stitch needs to get as for me & Naga, we are going to make our usual tasks: shoot & kill, stab & murder...the usual...

We got ourselves inside a Mi-24 Hind that Sonya managed to get for us as a means of transport and also our extraction vehicle, and then, we could fly away from the base we've been resting for two days to join the mountain and especially in a secure secluded place, at least 300 meters from the abandoned base and its mainframe. It's my first time to do a mission in sunny weather and it was at a place that I heard about from some people I worked with before, let's hope that it will go well.

I was surprised also that Kitsune didn't bring any warm jacket for her, leaving her tattooed arms in the open but she wasn't even showing any signs that she was cold during the flight as Naga got lucky as he got a variation of his usual outfit, the same outfit but in white, perfectly dressed up for the mission...I wasn't cold but damn, I could already feel it from inside the helicopter when it landed right at the starting point...

"Alright, let's get some fresh air," Naga joked, taking nothing seriously as he moves inside the transport bay of the Hind to open its door and after he did it, my body went chilly just to see the snow outside and its cold...shit, that's cold..."Fresh & cold to say," Naga added, stepping out of the Hind with his preferred LC-10 in hands.

"You always been joking like that?" Kitsune asked him, following his lead as she got two SMGs in her hands: Tec-9s as she said in the few sentences that she pronounced during the flight.

"Why? You're liking it?" Naga scoffed with a good voice, turning around to face her while I was also going out, my eyes moving over the little path that was going away from the place, leading to the base.

"No, I'm not," Kitsune replied to him in a serious voice, passing her free left hand over her right arm, sort of cleaning some dust she got on it after putting her Tec-9s on her vest. "You should better stay focus than continuing to joke, that's better for us," She advised him, impossible for me to interpret Naga's reaction to that, the part of his face that I could see wasn't showing me anything that could help me.

"Okay, everyone," Sonya's voice called us out as they stayed silent during the flight, having come with us to explain some details, they weren't the one flying that thing, it was a pilot of the Russian Air Force affiliated to the Collective. "Right now, you have a window of opportunity of 30 minutes, the main soviet forces will arrive soon, you will have to be quick," They explained.

"30 minutes? Should be going now, I think," I presumed and they nod at me, thinking that we're now in a hurry...already and we didn't even go out of the starting point.

"There are some patrols in the base but I'm sure that you three will take care of it," Sonya admitted, the three of us looking at each other and nodding too, knowing that we could do a great job...if Kitsune & Naga don't argue about jokes. "Anyway, we're taking you away once you got the data, you call us on the radio," They added before they made a sign to the pilot, meaning that they were going away from here, moving to another position until we're done here and it's without words and walking away from the helicopter that it starts its engine and flew away, leaving us here.

"So, no way to back down, now?" Naga demanded, keeping his funny tone only by looking in my direction, not having his eyes one second on Kitsune.

"Too late for that, Kapano," I responded to him with a good tone, not like Kitsune, turning around to face the path that we were going to take.

"You two, follow me," Kitsune's voice, sounding more authoritarian than before, ordered us, already taking the lead of the group as she engages herself on the path, me & Naga exchanging confused glares before we start to follow her.

Honestly, even if she was brandished as one of us & a necessary member of the mission, she was still acting mysterious & not very nice to us, wondering why she was like...especially with us. During the briefing moment of the early hour, she didn't speak too much and when Naga & I tried to say something to her, she was using a bad tone against us and even during the flight, she only talk a bit and it wasn't with us...that girl was mysterious and we have to follow her...

The path we were walking on was surrounded with debris & bodies that were aged, the snow has taken over them and the ruins. The place suffered an avalanche the day the CIA came here to steal some data here in 1968, I can thank the few ex-soviet mercenaries that told me that but this place was indeed like buried in time, the few birds flying above us sounding like echoes of the past and it was a way to think of something else until we arrived at a viewpoint, no patrols on sight for the moment.

"Shit, that place is really old," Naga commented after we got in cover behind a fallen tree, just at a few meters from the ridge as we were looking to a building with a big antenna on the top, buried in the inside by the snow.

"Seems that it was an observation post that the soviets used before an avalanche destroyed it during a CIA raid," I told the two, Kitsune having taken some binoculars to check the place up. "I heard about it but I don't know this much," I added, saying it mainly to Naga.

"It was used by Nikita Dragovich before," Kitsune suddenly said loudly, me turning my head to realize that I wasn't the only one that know this place. "He was the man that was in charge of the Numbers Program, he tried to brainwash a CIA agent to make him kill JFK and release Nova-6 in the US with the help of sleeper agents," She continued, telling more as I & Naga looks at her, surprised.

"How do you know all of that?" Naga asked her.

"Stitch allowed me to check the archives of Solovetsky about the old Perseus operations," She responded, taking her binoculars off her eyes to see us. "That's why I wasn't in time, I was preparing myself too," She revealed, giving us her reason that the mission got delayed.

"You could have to prepare yourself with us in that base," Naga let out a sigh, him watching the building away from us.

"Maybe but I was busy so excuse me for my late, Mister funny," Kitsune ranted, even adding a new nickname to Naga, and just by seeing his reaction through his mask, the guy was smiling...

"At least, you know that I'm funny," He remarked to her, giving me a friendly wink away from her.

"I didn't say that you were..." She was trying to argue with him that he was wrong before she sighs, sounding annoyed to listen to him and more willing to go on. "Whatever, I hope that you're two are discreet, we're moving," She said before standing up, ready to walk on a little path that was leading to that building.

"Don't worry, you two, I'm a goddamn snake!" Naga proclaimed while I & he were standing up too, my eyes going a bit wide at hearing him saying that...did he said that he was a snake?...better than saying something but still strange. "Let's go then," He walked past me as I got myself back on track to follow them, moving on to intrude ourselves inside that abandoned base, a funny thought crossing my mind...

Let's hope that the snake isn't going to get us caught...

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MEMORANDUM FOR: Bellamy

FROM: Wraith

SUBJECT: Update

DATE: March 1st, 1981

Bellamy, you will maybe wonder why this letter is only written for you and not with Knight, it's because that (if you don't know yet) there's a rift that happened between Bell & him after something that happened last night. From what I could hear from Bell, she said that she suddenly got angry at him and refuted him away without any apparent reasons and this morning at 6 AM, Knight stormed out in anger to join Aldrich in town as Bell tried to apologize to him without success. Because of that, I can't bring myself to add Knight's name to the letter, so it's only for you until the two got back along.

I know that you didn't want to be linked to Bell, joining yourself on something that you didn't do and never saw happen, (Talking about Rebirth Island, I know that it wasn't you with Stitch but it was Sonya Kuzmin instead) but I don't want you to reject her like that if she got angry with you in any occasions. She sees you as a friend so pretends that you're hers too even if you don't like it, it's better to have better control over her moves & what she's doing while someone close to her than letting her alone. About that, it seems that Bell is starting to have some questions in her head, questions that she's surely hiding from us.

This morning too, I tried to know well about she got but she betrayed herself in her voice & gestures, something in her head is trying to say earlier that something's wrong and we have to control it to not let her know about her past, we're the barrier to stop her doing that but what she got in her head, her past, is still interesting me a lot. Not for personal use but to take better precautions in the future in case we run on her friends during a mission. It's a priority for me, I hope that Liliya will find something about her soon.

Talking about something else, I still can't find the Numbers Program file and even Aldrich claimed that he didn't take it away from us, meaning that it's either Stitch, Naga, or Jackal that took the file but my suspicions go mainly on Stitch as he was looking pretty interested by it since his eyes got on it. To be honest, I don't like it and the fact that it got into Stitch's hands is worse, it was supposed to stay with us on study for Bell but no, he took it. I hope that he will return to us soon to give us an explanation.

PS: We need to talk about things that I can't write on this report face-to-face, find me behind the safehouse alone tonight.

Cordially,

Wraith

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1st March 1981, 14h06 AM MSK

Owethu "Jackal" Mabuza, Mercenary hired by Perseus

Arriving inside the old Dragovich base at the mainframe, Mount Yamantau, USSR

And when I thought that the mission will go awry, having Naga's remark that he was a 'snake' in my head while we were adventuring ourselves inside the base, I was surprised instead that we manages to not get any alarm raised up or even got spotted by the patrols that we succeed to kill along our way and it's during those moments that I & Naga saw that Kitsune wasn't a woman to have trouble with as she kills by herself, a patrol of three men without them firing a single shot from their guns.

After at least 10 minutes of trying to find our way around the base, we finally get to the place that we needed to be: the old mainframe with all that precious data, deep underground as we had to go down the ruins of the place to reach it, no enemies in the horizon for the moment and a relieved breath was made by me & Naga when we got our feet on the same level that the mainframe is...to say, that thing was quite big when we saw it from up close.

"That's the mainframe?" Naga asked, sounding shocked in his voice as he was pointing the big thing in the middle of the room just above us, the blue sky. "You're going to tell me that this big thing is a mainframe?" He added as Kitsune passed next to us to reach that.

"Why it wouldn't be?" She asked him back, getting her Tec-9 on her vest as she approach the mainframe, near a part of it that got a little screen with a keypad.

"Because...it's not looking like one," Naga stated as I start to look around us to see if we don't get any surprises in case.

"As you thought but now, can you please protect me while I'm extracting data, please?" Kitsune demanded, turning around to look at Naga, sounding very serious. "It isn't going to help if you continue to be like that," She affirmed.

"Come on, Naga, prepare yourself in case," I said, joining Kitsune for this time as quicker she can do her thing, quicker that we could get out of that place.

"Whatever," Naga sighed, keeping his two hands on his LC-10 before joining me at my side while Kitsune was doing her magic into 'hacking this thing and get what we need' as she said during our infiltration in here. "Do you think we should call Sonya now?" He proposed.

"Sure," Me & Kitsune replied at the same time him and it was enough for him to take his radio in hand.

"Sonya, we're finished soon, get the chopper ready to extraction," He started, his radio just in front of his mask to make himself clear, his eyes looking above us before he stop moving. "Uhm...you should get here quick, hostiles approaching," He added, his voice going back into a serious tone as we start to hear some Russian voice coming from a hallway that was just in front of me.

"Shit, incoming!" I said before I could see some armed soldiers coming from that hallway, me reacting the first shooting with my C58 towards that direction and causing the soldiers to get into cover, Naga soon following the process to get behind some concrete cover along with me. "Kitsune, is it done?" I asked her, my voice rising to make myself heard from her.

"Almost there, protect me!" She shouted, staying up to look at the screen she was on, letting me & Naga fire bullets into the soldiers that were coming from that hallway but the more we were firing back, the more soldiers were coming in.

"Guys, the soviet forces arrived sooner than expected, we're here!" Sonya's voice spoke up through our radios, sounding a bit worried in their voice.

"And how you're expecting us to go out of here?" Naga questioned them, trying to mix between talking to them and shooting with his LC-10 at the soldiers, protecting Kitsune in her things before we could hear a loud helicopter engine above us.

"Look up," Sonya simply said as we could see the Hind awaiting above us outside before some ropes fall down from it, landing right in the space separating us from Kitsune. "Hook yourself to those ropes, it will be faster," They ordered, the ropes a bit moving with the helicopter.

"Go, I'll provide cover," Naga advised me as I was reloading my C58, giving me a friendly tap before he let me go, firing his gun again. I joined the ropes as Kitsune was doing the same with me.

"Done?" I questioned her, starting to hook myself on one of the ropes, doing the same for her before showing me something in her left hand, looking like a small hard disk.

"Everything's on it, erased the unnecessary," She exclaimed, putting the thing back into one of the pockets of her vest before resuming to hook herself. "Naga, your turn!" She shouted at him suddenly, her head looking at him.

"Coming!" Naga yelled back as he was reloading before he decides to join us and quickly hook himself on the remaining rope available for him. "Sonya, we're good," He said over the radio, and in the second that followed, we got our feet off the ground, the ropes pulling us out of the underground. "Fuck!" I suddenly hear Naga curses on the way up just before we got back outside, and then, getting back inside the Hind in the transport bay. "Fuck!"

"Hey, what happened?" I asked him, a bit confused as to why he was like that as we got our feet inside the loading bay, himself already going down on his ass while Kitsune got herself back to sit.

"I got shot in the leg!" He replied in a high voice, pointing at him the leg that was wounded but I didn't see anything red on it.

"Wait, let me see," Sonya came in, moving to reach Naga on the ground as the helicopter was flying away from the mount, the mission looking over as Kitsune did her things and got what we need on that hard disk, me going back to sit too as Sonya was checking Naga on the Hind's floor. "You idiot, the bullet only grazed your leg," They sighed, finding out that Naga wasn't so seriously wounded.

"Yeah...but that hurts," He defended himself.

"You're really an idiot, Kapano," Sonya sighed again at him, shaking their head. "But anyway, still loves you," They whispered in a low voice, be able to hear it despite the volume of their voice and it made me smile through my mask, the job finally complete, away from that cold and good to leave the country while Sonya was staying with Naga on the ground & Kitsune was looking away, a little smile on her face...maybe she was thinking the same thing but now, we're finally done this...

Time to leave the USSR with the snake if he isn't too badly grazed...

#cod bocw #cod cold war #cod black ops cold war #cod cw #cod #call of duty cold war #call of duty #cod bell #black ops cold war #fem!bell #owethu jackal mabuza

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writingdreamsnottragedies · 4 years

Text

BTS Reaction // How you meet them

Namjoon

Art galleries were a real asset to you. Not only on rainy days you were drawn to the cool rooms full of works of art, even when the sun was in the clear sky you preferred to spend your time there. When you received the booklet of a gallery announcing an exhibition of your favorite artist, your next visit was already fixed.

As so often you avoid the first days of the exhibition to keep away from the big visitor crowds. The day you finally enter the rooms is sunny and hot, a day when most people prefer a cool drink and the outdoor pool. You like the way your footsteps echo in the empty corridors, the silence turns the place into something magical. Apart from an inconspicuous man with a cap, you really seem to be the only visitor and it is a great feeling, as you can completely lose yourself in the vision of the artist. You read every single description, let it work on you and add your own interpretations.

Only when you sit down on one of the benches after a while to rest for a moment you notice the man again. He enters the room after you and just like you he seems to barely notice you. You watch him for a while. Like you, he goes from painting to painting and just like you, he looks at each one intensively. He seems to think the same way as you and several times you find yourself connecting him in your mind with the paintings and creating completely new works of art. He stays longer at one painting and you can see how he frowns. The words come over your lips as if by themselves: “This is one of the best pictures of him”. The young man flinches and instinctively takes a step back before turning to you. Apparently, he didn’t notice your presence until now. “It’s even my favorite, but I can’t figure it out.” He looks up and you can see in his facial expression that this is a condition he does not experience too often.

You smile and pat the bench next to you: “I can tell you what I think about it, if you like.” The man seems to think for a moment, then he comes to you: “I’m Kim Namjoon”. He sits down next to you, looks at you expectantly: “So what did the artist want to express with this painting?”

Seokjin

At first you weren’t sure if it was a good idea to accompany your little sister to her primary school’s cooking competition, but she almost begged you, as your parents were prevented by work at short notice. Your dad had indicated in advance that he wanted to make homemade pasta and so you spent nights trying to make more or less successful attempts in your own kitchen before the big day arrived.

Now that you are standing at one of the kitchen counters, you realize that the preparation was worth it. Even your little sister has her fun, every time she turns the pasta machine and watches with fascination how the dough ball flattens more and more and finally turns into fine tagliatelle.

You’re weighing the flour for another load of pasta, this time with little mushrooms in the dough, which are cleaned by your sister, when a voice interrupts your concentration.

“Excuse me?”

You pause in your activity and look up. A man stands in front of you and for a moment your breath stops because he is so incredibly handsome. He’s holding a salt shaker in his hand. When he notices that he has your attention, he turns it around. For a short moment you think all the salt would fall on your work surface, but nothing happens: "We made a mistake”. The man points to a little boy a few seats away who is staring curiously at you. On the work surface you can see a real collection of vegetables and other ingredients: “My nephew and I have bought so much that we forgot the salt”. A smile comes over your lips: “I’ll see if we have any left.” You go to the bags that still contain some of your own purchases: “My name is Seokjin, but Jin is enough” You repeat his name before returning to him: “Nice to meet you. My name is Y/N” With a triumphant grin, you hold out the packet of salt to him: “But don’t use it all at once.” He laughs and thanks you, and prepares to leave. But then he turns to you once again:

“By the way, it doesn’t mean that we’ll lose just because I had to borrow some salt” Your grin widens as you turn back to the flour: “We’ll see”.

Yoongi

You had already taken many jobs during your holidays, but working in your uncle’s furniture store was something new. But you didn’t mind, the other employees were friendly and every week you were assigned to a different department. Not only did you learn a lot about the advantages of certain materials and types of furniture, you also came into contact with a wide variety of customers. In short, you enjoyed the work and were proud when your first recommendation was actually bought.

This week you were assigned to the team of the bed department and here you liked it best by far. Elderly people appreciated that you recommended the softest mattresses to them and children loved you for letting them jump on the beds while no one was looking. Sometimes, when time allowed and their parents were provided with your colleague, you played hide-and-seek with them in the children’s bed department and pretended not to see them through the elaborate knight’s castle and princess beds.

Your shift is coming to an end and you have to admit you’re exhausted. Especially today had been a turbulent day and all you wanted to do was go home. However, you promised your colleague that you would make another inspection tour of the department. As always, you pass the children’s section and look at one of the largest beds. A canopy bed with a ladder and slide. You remember the fun you had with a little girl a few hours before and decide that it can’t hurt to end the day with a little slide. But when you successfully climbed the ladder a little scream escapes you. There’s a man in the bed. He must have heard your reaction, because his eyes open and look at you drowsily:

“What are you doing in my room?”

Your heart is racing, but you force yourself to stay calm: “Sir, I’m sorry…” “Min Yoongi” he throws in and slowly straightens up as he rubs his eyes. The completely absurd thought that he looks good with the tousled hair hits you and you can’t shake it off: “Mr. Min…we are already closed. I must ask you to leave” He looks at you and slowly he seems to understand: “Oh…” he mumbles. Then he lets himself fall back on the mattress: “Seems like I have to buy this bed. I have not slept so well in a long time”.

Hoseok

That morning you thought the coffee stain on your favourite top was the worst thing that could happen. You knew better by now.

Actually, you were just trying to make him happy. A lunch, homemade to bring something to his work, so he could skip the canteen. You’d gone to all that effort, standing in the kitchen all morning.

However, your boyfriend had decided to get his meal somewhere else. That and more.

Your steps feel heavy as you walk across the terrain. A few people, on their way to their lunch break, stare at you and you try to suppress your tears as best you can, but you might not be able to. At some point you give up, let yourself sink to the ground a little off the beaten track. Now you’re letting your tears run free. A thousand thoughts are spinning around in your head. Why had he done that? Weren’t you good enough? Not pretty enough? “What the hell is wrong with me?”

“Only your tears”.

Your vision is blurred and therefore it takes a while before you can recognize the person in front of you. He kneels before you. You can see neither pity nor amusement in his face, instead a gentle smile adorns his lips. He holds a handkerchief out to you. First you hesitate, then you take it. You don’t care that he can see you wiping your nose after you sniffle a few times. Then you wipe the back of your hand over your eyes: “Thank you” “Do you want to talk about it? I am known for giving hope to others and bringing a little sunshine into their lives” The way he says it, the way he smiles at you makes you smile too. Which in turn makes his smile even wider: “See, it already works! You look much prettier with a smile than with tears.” He turns away, only to turn back to you a few moments later to again hold something out to you. This time it’ s a daisy: "I’m Hoseok, but most people call me J-Hope, because i’m their hope. Let me be your hope too".

Jimin

Orientation had never been your strength, but it had never been as bad as now. Actually, you were gonna meet your best friend in the city. You had just moved to Seoul and didn’t know your way around yet. That’s how, without knowing it, you got off one station too early. With the thought of being in the right place, you set off, always looking for the mall where you wanted to meet. You hadn’t noticed how you were moving away from the main roads and into quieter areas where there were hardly any people.

By the time you realize your mistake, it’s already too late. Nervously you look around you, but you can no longer make out where exactly you have come from. You pull out your cell phone to call your friend, but then realize your next mistake, because the battery is in a dangerous red zone. Panic is rising in you. You have no idea where you are and people just walk past you from time to time. None of them looks like they are going to help you when you ask for directions and you are not sure if your fear would even allow it. The longer you are in this state, the more your surroundings seem to turn, the more dull the sounds in your ears become. You’re about to just sit on the street when you hear a voice. It is clear, distinct and beautiful. Something about it seems to calm you down. Even if you run the risk of getting even more lost you follow instinctively.

You land in an alleyway that ends at a stairway. A man sits on it. Over his full lips come the most beautiful sounds you have ever heard. When he notices you, he stops immediately. The sudden halt also brings you back to reality and you become aware again of the situation you are in. Your face seems to speak for itself, because the look of the man becomes concerned. Carefully he comes towards you, “Are you all right?” “I’m… I’m lost.” Your voice trembles and yet the words bubble out of your mouth: “I panicked and then I heard you singing and followed your voice and…” You break off because you feel so stupid, but the man just laughs: “Then you can be glad that I am not a siren”. He walks past you, then he turns and reaches out his hand to you: “I’ m Jimin. Tell me where you need to go, and I can take you there.”

Taehyung

The sun is just rising as you leave your apartment. It’s still fresh and you’re thinking about going back inside to get a jacket. But your dog has other plans and a pull on the leash makes it clear to you that a return would only be possible after an extensive walk.

As so often, your route takes you through the city park, at this time of the day still empty and not overcrowded as in the later hours. There is dew on the grass, the air is fresh and you pause for a moment to take a deep breath. Then you let your dog off the leash and let her run free. As good as she is she always stays close to you and finally you sit down on a bench to welcome the first rays of sunshine on your face. Soon your bitch will lie down next to your feet and you will enjoy the peace and quiet that you can only have in the early morning. Suddenly you see something. It’s small and it’s coming towards you. You can’t recognize it immediately, but your dog jumps up excitedly, which also makes you attentive. Before you even know it, a little dog is joining you. The two sniff each other shortly before they start playing together. You let it happen and try to look for the owner, but there is no need to do so, because instead you can hear him:

“Yeontan? Yeontan!”

He comes out of the undergrowth at the edge of the path. When he sees the little dog, he runs towards him and takes him in his arms: “Yeontan! You’re okay!” His clothes are dirty and in his dark hair a few leaves are hanging. You can’t help but laugh. He looks up and only now seems to notice you and your dog: “Thank you so much for finding him!” “I didn’t.” You point to your dog, “She did. The two seem to get along well”. As if to underline your words, the little dog starts fidgeting in the man’s arms so that he has to put him down. Again both dogs start to romp together. Your gaze wanders from them back to the man and your finger points to his head: “You should do something about that” “Huh?” he strokes through his hair and a lot of leaves fall to the ground, something that only makes you laugh harder. He joins in as he brushes his hair a few times and then pats the earth off his clothes. Then he turns back to you, “Thank you again… um…” “Y/N. I’m Y/N” “Nice to meet you. I’m Taeyhung.”

Jungkook

Being out with your friends made you bloom. Were you usually rather shy and reserved, with them you were open and ready for any fun. You had ice cream together, took some pictures of each other making faces. At some point you started to give one another some fun tasks. You watched as one of your friends gave a real dance performance and another one had an extremely interesting conversation with some pigeons.

When it is your turn, your stomach already hurts, you had to laugh so much. Your friends whisper to each other and you wonder what kind of task you will get. Finally, one of them turns to you. She points her finger at something: "Pretend you know him and ask him for an autograph!” The smile disappears from your lips: “I can’t do that” “Come on Y/N!” another one of your friends laughs: “I talked to pigeons! You can do it!” You keep trying to talk it out, but eventually you give in. Sighing, you get ready before you approach the man. He stands with his back to your group and seems to be completely absorbed in his mobile phone. You hesitate for a moment, because you don’t want to bother him, but then you pull yourself together: “Excuse me?”

He turns to you and there’s a brief flash of confusion on his face before he looks at you: “Yes?” You, on the other hand, are distracted because you didn’t expect a cute guy like that to be standing in front of you: “I’m… I’m…” All the self-confidence you’ve built up for this action seems to have faded away: “I mean, I’d like to…” “I understand.” He smiles at you encouragingly and pulls a pencil out of his jacket: “I am on a private tour, so please don’t take any photos”. Now you don’t understand anything anymore: “No, I…I’m only supposed to ask for an autograph because my friends put me up to it…like a dare.” You look back at your friends because the whole thing gets more and more uncomfortable with every stiffening second. They stand a few feet away and lift their thumbs so the guy can’t see, “What’s your name?” “Y/N” You hear him laugh, you look at him again. He stretches out two pieces of folded paper to you: “You can show one to your friends. The other one…” For a moment you think you can see blush in his face: “Please keep the other one to yourself”. He gives you another smile before he suggests a slight wave, turns around and leaves.

You also go back to your friends and show them the paper with the autograph. In the evening you take out the second piece of paper the man gave you. There’ s a little note on it: “My name is Jungkook. If you like, I would like to have a coffee with you sometime”. Underneath you find a phone number.

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150289city · 3 years

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ILLUSION - SURREALISM

Analyse creative manipulation images.

1. Zdzislaw Beksinski

The canvas, known as "Creeping Death", evokes a lot of emotions and remains relevant all the time. The leitmotif is death, which creeps silently like a spider. This is how he appeared in the eyes of the painter - death comes unexpectedly and destroys everything on its way.

Beksiński's paintings were about loneliness and the inevitability of death. The painter also often presented a vision of Armageddon. This is also the case of "Creeping Death". The end of the world appears in dark, brown and bloody colors. And death takes its toll and disappears unnoticed from the battlefield. The city burning in the background means that death has won again. Nobody survived. Death can take many shapes, it can resemble a human, an animal or a spider. In the painting by Zdzisław Beksiński, he is a terrifying creature that leaves the ruined area on its cramped limbs. Instead of the face, you can see a bandage through which a blood stain pierces. Instead of a torso, there is a hairy abdomen, similar to that of deadly spiders, and they will always flee from impending danger. Just like death, which also has time to hide from fire.

Beksiński's painting is one of the most terrifying contemporary works of Polish painting. Suffering, anger and resignation permeate them. The artist knows that he is unable to change his fate. He only has pain and the awareness that death will come for him. "Creeping Death" can be a universal picture, presenting the world after war, apocalypse or catastrophe. They can also be the darkest thoughts of every human being that circulate through the mind looking for an outlet. Because everyone is struggling with their own demons, which may appear completely different. It is certain that they cause fear, but they are essential in the fight against the suffering that is part of human life.

2. SALVADOR DALI

There are four clocks in the picture. One hangs from a dry tree, the other, with a blue shield and golden edging, flows down from a brown plinth. There is a fly on it, which can symbolize the "flying" and passing time. The orange watch lying next to it seems to be less soft and melting than the others. Ants crawled over him. The orange clock looks like it's about to be eaten by insects. Ants are here a symbol of rotting, decay. The fourth clock is in the center of the painting. It flows down from a deformed, beige-colored form. Only after looking closely you can see something like a nose, eyelid, long eyelashes. The distorted form resembles skin pulled from the face. According to some, it is a self-portrait of Salvador himself.

"Soft clocks" is nothing but a delicate, extravagant and lonely, paranoid-critical camembert of time and space.’’ Salvador Dali

Persistence of memory is perhaps one of the artist's most recognizable works. It was established in 1931. The idea was born when Dali, eating a melting French Camembert cheese, saw clock faces in it.

Dali created works that were supposed to amaze or shock. He did not represent anything directly, but through a vision. Therefore, he is included in the group of surrealists. Obraz Persistence of memory is a dream about time deformed by memories and dreams. Gala - Dali's muse and wife - said about this painting that the viewer's memory would only be the "softness" of the watches, because anyone who saw this work at least once would never forget it. The rocks of Cape Creus are an element of the landscape that appears in many of Dali's works. They have become an example of "hard" forms. The artist, who has a well-prepared drawing and knows the perspective, creates in a surprising way. An example is theoretically correctly painted clocks, but why is one of them hung over a branch, and the other running off the counter? It was this astonishment that the artist wanted to combine various objects in any way. The elements of the painting are arranged on the canvas in such a way that we have the impression of a large space and emptiness. Thanks to vivid imagination, all details have been divided into soft and hard. Clocks are among the soft ones.

3. RENÉ MAGRITTE

With my popular sympathy for the Belgian painter René Magritte, I have allowed myself to be introduced to you by opening the whole series "Art for Tuesday" with his "Lovers". Together with the blog returning to the expanses of the Internet, let Magritte be the patron of the reactivation of this cycle, this time with her "Son of Man".

The very title "Son of Man" (French: "Le fils de l'homme") is a bit puzzling when confronted with this picture presents itself.

After all, we see an elegant man in a suit and a bowler hat against the background of the wall separating him from the sea, above him there are clouds that announce a storm or storm. And what is very important - it is a self-portrait.

Oh yes, I would ... Before the face of forgotten people (levitating?) A green apple that makes his face invisible, revealing part of the eye and eyebrow in fact. We have to remind ourselves that the Belgian was definitely a surrealist who grew out of the impressionist school. However, he used his symbolic linguistic voice, which was shaped by such tragic experiences as the mother's suicide - hence the motive of the shroud. The motif of a veiled face, or the lack of it, is constantly present in Magritte's painting. Maybe it allows you to stay safe? For both the "covered" and those looking at him? Or maybe these masks and covers allow for proper perception of things (I refer to the author's painting "Rape")?

As for the "Son of Man", a stretched (as always), original interpretation appeared in my head.

The apple ripens with its apple tree represented by the man. He is well dressed, which can mean high social status. Or maybe an apple covering a man's face makes him anonymous? is it just a tree from which society grows? And when he dies, will someone eat the forbidden fruit that he has grown, and will continue this process? Another "Son of Man" ..?

4. Max Ernst

"Day and Night" is a work that Max Ernst painted in the years 1941-1942. It presents a gloomy rocky landscape in dark colors. The image of the night is dominant here - the dark blue sky and the outlines of boulders. On the dark background, however, there are traces of the day, resembling daytime photographs of the same space. In these pictures these places appear completely different - they are sunny and full of bright colors. They do not resemble a barren night landscape.

Ernst's work follows surrealist poetics. Its meaning becomes understandable above all in the historical context in which it was created. It is about the tragedy of World War II, which left its mark on the artist's own biography. He miraculously managed to escape from the hands of the Gestapo and emigrate from France to the United States.

The night landscape is a barren land devoid of color and optimism. One gets the impression that we are dealing with a world completely destroyed by some cataclysm. His memories are only optimistic photographs from the past, which show the old face of the landscape. These optimistic incrustations in combination with the dominant gray and sterility not only do not cheer up the whole, but make it even more repulsive. We are dealing here with a world that will never return to its former glory.

The colorful pictures bring to mind illustrations from children's books. Thus, the artist refers to the myth of childhood as a lost paradise. Children's dreams are triggered here, in which reality seems to be a magical and wonderful being. At the same time, the juxtaposition of colored fragments with a gloomy background is also associated with the biblical Eden, where innocence and beauty are destroyed by sin and evil.

You can also understand "Night and Day" as a kind of puzzle. The picture resembles a puzzle that needs to be matched in an appropriate way so that they form a whole together. In this sense, one should see in Ernst's work traces of hope for rebuilding what was destroyed during the war. It is, in a way, a proposal to organize the world once again so that it becomes a place where a person feels safe again.

5. Pablo Picasso

"Guernica" is a famous painting by Pablo Picasso, painted in 1937 in reaction to the Spanish Civil War. The work is an act of protest against violence and at the same time a great manifestation of pacifism.

The title of the painting comes from the name of a Spanish city bombed by the German Luftwaffe air force in response to resistance to General Franco's group.

"Guernica" shows deformed human and animal figures, forming a chaotic swirl. You can see the bodies in pieces, especially the heads and limbs. The severed hands tighten tightly on the objects they hold: a candle or a sword. The mouths of the characters are usually open in a silent scream, and terror is visible in their eyes. People seem to squirm in deathly groans. Human figures blend with animals.

The whole thing looks like a huge, dynamic swirl. The depressing impression is deepened by the colors of the painting, in shades of black and gray. The central part of the painting is lit by a light bulb in the upper edge of the work. It seems that the situation depicted in the picture takes place in a narrow room, intensifying the impression of being surrounded and threatened.

The painting was painted in cubist aesthetics, which in the case of such a dramatic topic emphasizes the cruelty and tragedy of war. The fragmentation of the solid is here not only an act of artistic deformation, but also emphasizes the essence of any armed conflict, which is the total destruction of the world.

The war appears on Picasso's canvas as unbridled chaos and suffering. People dehumanize, they are reduced to the level of terrified animals, driven by the survival instinct. Human remains are clearly deformed, they resemble meat. Human and animal bodies are fragmented as if after a bomb had exploded.

The symbol of destruction is the Spanish bull emerging from the gloom, which covers the unfolding events with an unshakable gaze. Broken hands clutch at useless objects, among which stand out a candle and a broken sword. The former may symbolize the desire to illuminate the escape route, but it is also a sign of mourning for those who died. A broken sword and a torn horse indicate the uselessness of conventional weapons in a modern war that brings mass death and destruction.

Picasso's painting exudes an atmosphere of fear and terror, the image of a mother lamenting over a child's corpse is particularly poignant. The claustrophobic narrowness of the room in which the characters find themselves emphasizes the non-exit character of their situation.

#preproduction #illusion

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blindprof · 3 years

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It’s Complicated

When people first hear me say that I am blind or severely visually impaired (B/VI), the most common reaction is surprise…followed by sympathy…followed most often by awkward silence. This is totally understandable. Unless you are regularly interacting with differently abled people, disabilities are uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable and awkward around people who live with other forms of disability.

Heck, I’m still awkward around other people who are B/VI. And even this is understandable. Because each person is unique. Each manifestation of visual impairment is unique. Each path to and with B/VI is unique. Each person has unique life experiences, coping mechanisms, support networks, etc. We are all strangers in a strange land. I’ll have other posts dedicated to the whack-a-doo personal and social psychology of B/VI. For now, the focus remains on the physical, or rather the perceptual.

The second reaction is usually a question: “How bad is it” or “What do you see?” And my answer is “It’s complicated.”

In my first post, I laid out some more technical details: I have a visual field that is less that 10 degrees, night blindness, color blindness, uncorrectable myopia, light sensitivity, etc. But it’s not apparent how these details really affect what I see and how that impacts what I can do. This post will go into greater detail into what and how I see. Later posts will focus on how I (try to, with varying levels of success, stupidity, and hilarity) cope with these limitations.

It probably makes sense to start with my visual field, as this is the aspect of my vision that “qualifies” me as legally blind. However, before getting to that, we really need a basic understanding of how humans see. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it short and simple.

It may be easiest to compare the eye to a modern digital camera. A camera lens gathers and focuses light; it also constrains the amount of light passing through by altering the size of a mechanical aperture. In the human eye, these functions are performed by the lens and the pupil, respectively. In a digital camera, the lens focus light onto a CCD or CMOS sensor, which is a dense grid of light sensitive “pixels,” each generating a small electrical charge proportional to how much light (within a certain wavelength) is hitting it. The human retina is the biological, electrochemical equivalent. Finally, a digital camera has wires that transport these electrical signals to a computer, which then interprets the signals to create a digital image. Here, the human analogues are the optic nerve and the visual cortex within the brain.

As I noted in my first post, I have Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP), which primarily impacts my retina. Due to the wonders of genetics and epigenetics, other parts are impacted. But for now, I’ll focus on the retina. Characteristically, people with RP find that their retinal “pixels”—millions of light-sensitive “rod” and “cone” structures, as well as protective retinal pigment epithelial (RPE) cells from which the disease gets its name—stop functioning from the outside in. We don’t know the exact cause, nor is there yet any proven way to slow, much less reverse the process.

Of course, this is a biological process that is unique to each individual. For me, it has progressed relatively slowly from childhood. I can recall early symptoms as far back as age 6. I’ll have a separate post at some point talking about progression. But it is notable the process is neither steady nor predictable. I’ll have periods of relative stability followed by periods of perceptible loss. It’s rarely like a light switch, but rather more like a dimmer. Each area of loss will appear darker with less usable information until it is just “clicked off” by the brain, presumably redirecting its limited processing resources to doing something other than trying to interpret shotty data from dying cells. For me, the progression has also been very spotty—for example, I retained some usable vision in the extremes of my left-right periphery until just a couple years ago, despite progressively losing most of my peripheral vision between there and my center.

The result today is that I have very little of my retina remaining that pretends to function “normally.” I can detect very high contrast light vs. dark in some of my periphery, but nothing there that you would qualify as usable sight. My central vision is still somewhat functional, but has been fading rapidly of late. As I said, it’s spotty, but on average in good light I have maybe 10-15 degrees total horizontal vision and less than 10 vertical. And much of that is probably equivalent to what most would consider to be peripheral vision. To help better “feel” what this means, here are a few examples of how this manifests itself in my day-to-day life.

When I’m sitting across a table from you, I can see your face but not your hands. If I’m not socially distant, I might be able to see your eyes or your mouth, but not both at the same time. I often creep people out during a conversation because I’m constantly losing eye contact and moving my eyes to different parts of their body. I promise, I’m not “undressing you with my eyes”—people talk with their entire bodies, and I’m simply trying to catch as many visual cues as possible.

When watching TV from 10 feet away, I can “see” my entire 55-inch screen. But less than a quarter of that is in my central vision. I have to move my eyes to see detail or read signs or captions. Sports and fast action scenes are difficult to catch. A fast action, dark scene with subtitles…oy…the Battle of Winterfell may as well have been a BBC Radio broadcast.

I can read, though usually only slowly and for short periods, especially if it is paper and ink. I see only a few words at a time, so my eyes have to constantly move. This causes a lot of eye strain, and I have trouble keeping both eyes properly oriented and occasionally have periods where one eye twitches uncontrollably—obviously I’m channeling my inner Mad-Eye Moody.

And of course, navigating unfamiliar or unpredictable environments is very difficult. I navigate by moving from waypoint to waypoint, and if I don’t know the waypoints or if things jump in my way, well, bad things happen. Or maybe funny things.

More on all of these and their many repercussions in future posts.

People ask, “What do you ‘see’ in the places where you have no vision? Is it blackness? Emptiness? Blurry?” Again, it’s complicated, but for the most part, my brain has just removed those areas from its visual processing “algorithm.” So, I see the same thing that you see when something is beyond your peripheral vision…just nothing. There are long periods of adjustment as I lose sight—kind of like losing a limb and still expecting it to be there. But eventually it’s just not a part of the picture that my brain paints of the world around me.

Unfortunately, that’s not all. Night blindness is often the first detected symptom for folks with RP. What is left of my retina doesn’t detect light well, so I need much more of it. The result is that I’m totally blind in low-light situations. I need direct light to see any kind of detail. I carry a flashlight everywhere I go and use it regularly day and night.

So, I need bright light. But it is also my nemesis. My eyes compensate like one would with a digital camera…by cranking open the aperture (pupil) and turning up the gain on the sensor. This does allow me to function semi-normally in certain situations. But it also results in severe light sensitivity. As with a camera, the wider pupil also results in loss of detail, and bright light can almost entirely wash any other visual information. To make matters even worse, although my pupils do function, they are VERY slow to adjust.

The results of all of that are varied. I’ll post more details in the future. But for example, I am no longer able to read a computer screen for any length of time without inverted colors. It’s like trying to read while staring at headlights. I truly need dark mode on all of my devices. Also, changing lighting conditions are challenging, especially when they are extreme. When I come in from outside, my eyes can take many minutes to adjust. And bright light sources like sunny windows in otherwise moderately lit environments can really cause havoc.

Finally, a common comorbidity with RP are cataracts, which cause hardening and blurring of the lens. Of course, this one hit me, as well. A number of years ago, I had cataract surgery. It was great. I was the youngest patient in the surgery center by like 30 years. The process involves using a magic wand to dissolve your natural lens and replacing it with a plastic one. This gets rid of the blurring, but entirely removes the ability to focus. As a bonus, I did go from needing coke bottle glasses to just needing a couple of diopters of correction. But this further complicates reading, and means I’m constantly donning and doffing my specs or having to look below them to read. Minor in the big scheme of things, but it does make me look and feel like a damn old fart.

Okay, if you made it this far, you deserve to be let off the hook for now. There’s more like the fact that my corneas—the eyes’ (usually) clear “lens caps”—now seem to cause my sight to remain blurry for the first couple of hours of each day. Or that the eye strain can sometimes get so physically painful that I have to close my eyes for long periods during the day. But this is a mostly complete and accurate snapshot of what I’m currently living with physically.

I guess I didn’t present too many funny or uplifting or forward-looking things in here. Truth is, you kind of have to muddle along with me through these sewers to eventually find the humor and hope in all of this. Because it’s complicated. But I’ll get there if you’re patient.

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