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toomanyfictionalboyfriends · 1 year

Note

I know you don’t like labels, so will you be my married-person-thing?”

Regulus black

I know it's been a hot minute, sorry I had no inspiration mentions of wolfstar, jily and rosekiller (sorry if they're inaccurate I know their names and their ship name and the fact that they are reggies friends and that's it) he/they Sirius

You and Regulus had been going out for a little under two years. Actually in 2 days, 3 hours and 15 minutes it would be two years to the exact minute since he asked you to be exclusive. You've spent the last two years learning everything there is to know about Regulus, he's even gone as far as trusting you to know he's an animagus. But one thing you learned early on is that HATED labels, loathed them entirely. When James and Lily got married shortly after Hogwarts, the two of you hadn't been together long but even then, he wasn't fond of the term 'boyfriend' and also didn't introduce you to people he knew as his 'girlfriend'. He preferred using your name, and preferred you using his. Not that he doesn't like the cute pet names once in a while but 'boyfriend' makes his stomach turn. And don't get him wrong, it's not because he wanted to keep you a secret by any means. Regulus was surprisingly open and affectionate about his relationship with you, he made sure anyone and everyone knew you were exclusive. So when you practice your speech you make sure not to include any labels. You pace around your shared room for 45 minutes looking for a way to ask him to marry you without being basic or calling him your 'husband' or making yourself his 'wife'. You pull out your best dress, it's silver and sparkly and it looks stunning against the all black tux you know Regulus is planning to wear to dinner tonight. As you're laying out the gown you wrack your brain some more, trying to think of any way to ask him to be your forever that doesn't sound totally cheesy and corny and like something James or Sirius would pull. Oh my Godric, James and Sirius and Remus and Lily and Evan and Barty would all be there tonight. None of them suspect anything, except Remus whom you told, they think it's just an excuse to get dressed up and have a fancy dinner before going to an expensive club Sirius scoped out last week. "I swear to Merlin himself if this goes wrong." You curse quietly, checking your clutch to make sure the ring you picked out for him was still in there. Once verifying that the ring hadn't grown legs and ran away you decide to take a shower. You try to let the hot water relax you as you scrub yourself clean, attempting to wash off the excess anxiety. With a towel wrapped around you you blow-dry and style your hair and let it fall around your shoulders before you slather a sweet cocoa butter moisturizer over your skin. You enter the bedroom and see Regulus getting dressed. "Reggie."

"Love." It's a simple greeting but knowing what you know it makes your heart bang against your ribs. You lean down and give him a soft kiss which he happily returns with a hum. "You smell nice."

"Cocoa butter and this new hairspray I got, it's coconut scented."

"You are a coconut. I'm all ready, I'll wait for you in the living room." He stands, giving you another kiss before heading for the door.

"Wait, I need your help with my band and the zipper." You implore him. He does up the band on your bra, waiting while you slip into your dress.

"You are so hot. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." As his lips brush your shoulder you swear your heart stops. Does he know? There's no way he knows, right? He says nothing else and you determine he knows nothing. He zips your dress and reminds you to bring a shawl, it is mid September so it's beginning to cool down at night. Once your heels are on he slips his arm around yours and leads you to the waiting car. He's as courteous as ever, opening and closing your door both at the house and at the restaurant, holding your elbow when he leads you inside and to the table, pulling out your seat first and helping you slide in before taking his own next to you. The two of you have a glass of water while you wait for your friends to arrive, talking about your day.

"Good, we aren't late." Sirius' voice draws your attention away from Regulus momentarily.

"Nope, early one might say." You nod for him and Remus to have a seat. Remus pulls out a chair for Sirius, helping them slide in before taking the seat next to you. He kisses your cheek. "You look stunning. Regulus, you look very nice as well."

"Oh Remus, you're a doll, you and Sirius look lovely as ever." You reply.

"So, Sirius, have you heard from mot- Walburga or Orion?"

"Reggie, your lovely partner planned this spectacular night for us, why don't we talk about them later, yeah?"

"Sure, I can agree on that." The two share a smile.

"Don't look now, here comes Rosier and Barty. Oh and there's Prongsie behind them with Lilyflower." Sirius elegantly nods towards a group headed for your table.

Remus stands to greet everyone newly joining you as do Sirius, Regulus and yourself. You try not to be too much in the way, thankfully you're in a windowed area with not many people at the moment. "James, Lily, Evan, Barty." Remus shakes their hands one by one, delivering a small peck to Lily's cheek as he hugs her just as he had done you. "You look beautiful."

"Stop hitting on my wife." James scowls, jokingly.

"You're hugging my boyfriend, shut up."

"So you've finally put a label on it?" Evan speaks, pulling out of Reggie's hug. Everyone sits and Remus just chuckles. "Yeah, after all those years of sleeping with him. They kinda never went away, like a rash." Regardless of his teasing behavior he places a hand on Sirius' knee. "I love you."

"You're a brat." Sirius scoffs.

"Says the one who-"

"Ah-la-la-la we don't need to know about your sex lifeeee!" James sing songs with an uncomfortable grimace.

"Well it's nice that you two are honest about it now." Evan smiles.

"Hey, good evening everyone, I will be your server for tonight, my name is Alyx. Would we like to start off with some drinks?"

"I'll just have water please." Lily starts.

"Coke?" James asks and is met with a nod.

"Do you guys have a bar?" Sirius wonders.

"Siri, love, we'll have a drink later." Remus shakes his head. "We'll both have water, please."

"Coke, and a Sprite for Ev, please." Barty speaks, ordering for his boyfriend who sits in quiet conversation with Regulus.

"Anything else for the two of you or just water?" The waiter asks you.

"I think we're fine with water, thank you."

"D'ja have to get me water?" Sirius whines at his boyfriend now that the waiter is gone.

"Yes, I know you'll drink too much and not stay hydrated. You're welcome." Remus barely looks up at him.

Your drinks all come out and everyone decides what they want to order, quite a variety of things. You decide to try their new pasta and sauce and ever the angel he is, Regulus orders a grilled chicken breast with mashed potatoes and a roll, a meal he knows you can and will eat without complaint in the off chance you don't like the pasta. He'd never allow it to be recognized aloud though. Conversation continues when all of the orders have been taken.

"Your anniversary is coming up, isn't it?" Sirius doesn't properly address either of you but Reggie speaks.

"It is, in two days." He gives you a soft smile that would have been a grimace in his younger years.

"You know I think you've been good for Regulus, (y/n)." Barty takes a sip of his drink.

"Thank you, he's been really good for me as well." You state, looking at him with a sticky sweet smile.

He can't help but lean over and press a kiss to your cheek. "Love you." It's barely a whisper in your ear but still you return the sentiment.

"Love you too." Dinner arrives and two bites in you're looking at your pasta funny.

"You don't like it do you? Here, trade me." Regulus goes to slide his plate off the table.

"No, no it's okay. I ordered it, I'll eat it." Your stomach flips at the notion, it really doesn't taste good and the pastas a little weird feeling in your mouth but you take another bite anyway. Your hand comes to your mouth, trying to keep the distaste hidden from the rest of your friends but Regulus sees right through you.

"Love, I'm not letting you finish that. Order something else if you won't take the chicken but I've not even touched it yet." Regulus' hand on yours wills you to gently discard your fork as you swallow roughly.

"Don't want to order anything else because it'll take forever to come and then you guys will all be done and have to wait on me. And that's your chicken, Reg."

"Can I be honest?" He pulls you close and whispers so no one else can hear. "Got it cause I knew you wouldn't like the pasta."

You swear if you'd been on your period you would have cried on the spot. "Swear it." He grins, reaching for your plate of pasta. "You'll let me?" You can only nod at him in response. It's then when Remus turns his attention from whatever Lily was saying about Harry and James to the two of you.

"Everything okay?"

"Splendid, thanks. The pasta was-" you pause trying to find the right words to describe the feeling and flavor without grossing him out.

"I understand, settled? I'll swap you if you want." He understands texture issues as well as food aversions dealing with them himself as well as from Sirius.

"Reggie's taken care of it. Thank you though." You smile, gesturing to the chicken he sits in place of your pasta. He nods. The rest of dinner goes well, your chicken fairing much better than the pasta. Conversation flows smoothly right up until you leave for the bathroom. "Excuse me, I'll be right back." You're excused but instead of going to the bathroom you glance around for your waiter. He's nowhere to be seen so you ask one of the other waiters if they could find him for you.

He comes out a moment later, wiping his hands on a towel. "How may I help you?"

"I'm at that table with my friends and my partner." you attempt to point as discreetly as possible and he notes.

"With the redhead and the curly headed one?"

"Yeah, yeah them. Anyway, I was wondering if you could do me a huge favor? When you come to ask if we want deserts I'm going to convince my partner to get a brownie, could you put this on his plate?" You pop the ring box out of your clutch and open it, showing off the shiny dark band.

"Absolutely I can." He carefully takes the box, tucking inside his apron.

"Thank you so much." You hurry back to your table not to raise any suspicion. "Reg, d'you think we could get desert? Maybe like something small? Just a brownie?"

"Is that what you want? A brownie sounds good. Two brownies, anyone else?" Reggie asks the table.

"Ooh I want a brownie, please, love?" Sirius begs, fixing Remus with a pout.

"You can have one brownie, we'll share, y'know you get sick if you have too much chocolate." Remus strokes their hair out of their face.

"Sure, I'd love a brownie. Lilykins?"

"I'll take one, sure." Lily's quiet, checking a pocket mirror, presumably to see if everything is okay with Mia, Monty and Harry.

"Might as well, it's a special occasion." Evan looks at Barty who agrees.

"Seven brownies because Sirius has to split one like he's a little kid." Regulus pokes.

"Oi shove off Regulus." He defends himself.

"Hey folks I see everyone's done with dinner, is there any way I can interest you in some dessert?" Alyx steps back around the table collecting dishes.

"We'll take seven brownies please." You speak while Sirius and Regulus quietly bicker back and forth over Sirius being able to only have half a brownie.

"Absolutely let me get those for you real quick. I'll be right back." Alyx smiles at me.

"Was he flirting with you?" Regulus breaks from teasing his older brother.

"I don't think so he just smiled at me? I wasn't flirting with him regardless if he was or was not, I was just being kind." You reassure him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Mhm, good, cause you're mine." Regulus' possessiveness makes your heart flutter a little as he pulls you in for a kiss.

"All yours." Remus hides what sounds like the beginning of a laugh behind a cough.

"I come bearing deserts. Who is the one not getting a brownie?" Alyx asks, looking around the table.

Everyone points to Sirius and they let out a stutter trying to explain themself. "I- I just can't have my own, I'm allergic to chocolate so I have to share it with my boyfriend." Alyx nods, placing the dessert in front of Remus instead. One for everyone else with three brownies left on the tray, one of them with Regulus' ring but he doesn't suspect a thing. That is until it's placed in front of him.

"What's this?" He looks up at Alyx who simply shrugs as if he doesn't know.

"I'm going to be completely honest, Reg, I had a whole speech that I practiced for hours at the house and I've forgotten it all… But I know you don’t like labels, so, Regulus Arcturus Black, will you be my married-person-thing?”

There's a deafening silence where he doesn’t answer and everyone holds their breath. Then he stands and your heart beats faster than it ever has, until he reaches in his pocket and kneels in front of you revealing a box of his own. "As long as you'll be mine."

#regulus black #regulus black x reader #regulus x y/n #self insert #x reader

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ourloveisforthelovely · 3 years

Text

Princess Part 2

Harry Potter Marauders ERA

Link to Part 1

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: E- smut series (porn with an actual series)

______

The next day, it was time to go back to school. Walburga had casually given you a birth control potion before leaving the house.

“I am too young to be a grandmother and there is no point in ignoring the fact that the two of you are having sex.”

She gave both Regulus and yourself a displeased expression before going into the kitchen to look for something to clean her mouth out with. Regulus reached down to grab your ass. He didn’t care if other students were watching or that his mother was shaking her head forlornly. Regulus wasn’t for sure what his mother expected but his relationship wasn’t going to be like his parents. He wasn’t about to have a wife who didn’t feel like she was wanted or attractive. If Regulus had to take you every morning against the kitchen wall then that would be how he would handle things.

“She would die if she knew that we have been having sex for several years now.”

You gently swatted away his hand with an unspoken promise of making love that night.

“She still sees us as children.”

Regulus glanced around the room to make sure neither of his parents was in earshot.

“She can’t even say the word pussy and would die if she knew all of the dirty things that I have done to you.”

“Such a dirty boy. We’ve been sleeping in the same bed for years now. I wonder if she thought that we were seriously only sleeping?”

You said with a smile before leaning in for a kiss.

An hour later you sat on the train snuggled against Regulus as he read over the class schedule that had been sent over the last week of the summer.

“Most of our classes are together. That will be nice.”

He commented as you started to unbutton his shirt a bit.

“I want to see a little bit of your chest.

Regulus reached up and tugged your hand down. The last thing that he wanted was to be running around looking like Sirius. If things were up to you, you would have him half-naked at all times. There were just some things that he wasn’t willing to do for you!

“You see me naked enough.”

Regulus commented. You sat up enough to start sucking at his neck. When he groaned, you knew that you were going to get your way.

“Fine, unbutton it a bit.”

He groaned and shoved the schedule away. Whatever sense of focus Regulus had was thrown out the window. You quickly unbuttoned the first four buttons then stroked your hand over the forming erection.

“Fucking tease.”

Regulus said before pulling you into a kiss. You weren’t sure how long the two of you had been making out until someone knocked on the door of the compartment.

The two of you pulled away to see Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch watching the two of you with matching scowls. It didn’t take the two of you knowing each other for years to know that they were both boys were thinking,

Here we go again.

“Sorry to interrupt but Regulus we need to talk to you about business without little ears.”

Evan said, giving you an annoyed big brother like expression. Regulus quickly buttoned his shirt back up and kissed your cheek.

“I’ll be back.”

Evan gently pushed his own girlfriend in with you.

“Here, the two of you can keep each other company.”

For the rest of the trip, you and Emma were talking quietly. Emma was gushing over the emerald engagement ring that Regulus had given you.

“I wasn’t surprised when I heard about your engagement. I mean, I knew to expect it. The two of you are so hot and heavy for each other. It's adorable. I never saw Regulus so taken when he was with Ambrosia.”

Emma knew that you didn’t like that comment when you scowled. Regulus’ two-month relationship with Ambrosia Parkinson had almost ruined your friendship.

“I’m sorry! I only meant...Regulus is….”

You held up a hand with a smile.

“I know, Emma. Relax I was trying to mess with you too.”

The rest of the way to school, you kept checking for Regulus to show up. A few moments later, you were joined by Melissa Webber and two other girls that you recognized as being third and fourth years. Emma gave you a scowl when Melissa sat down. It was no secret to you that Emma disliked Melissa. You had the feeling that it had to do with Melissa having a crush on Evan. It didn’t matter how many times you told Emma that she had nothing to worry about or how many times you told her that you actually liked Melissa...she never eased up.

It's not like Evan is going to do anything about it. He is so love stuck on Emma that Melissa doesn’t have a prayer.

You thought with a smile as Melissa smiled your way. She smiled shyly.

“Y/n, I saw Regulus a moment ago when he and Evan were going to the back of the train. He said that we all have a lot of the same classes this year.”

You nodded before taking the schedule that Melissa was so excitedly holding out.

“It looks like we do. Did Regulus say where he was going?”

Melissa shook her head. After having Regulus chew her out the year prior, she learned not to question the boy on where he was going. It didn’t matter that you had asked her to keep an eye on Regulus. This was before he told you about his being a death eater. Regulus had become distant and you were worried about your boyfriend going astray.

After getting the ass-chewing of a lifetime, Melissa decided that she was no longer questioning Regulus on anything. Regulus could tell her that pig could fly and she would probably go along with it.

“No, sorry. I’m sure he will be back soon.”

You sat back in your seat as Emma patted your hand.

“You know what it's about and Melissa is right. Everything will be just fine. Melissa, did you see the engagement ring that Regulus bought her? It's one of a kind.”

Melissa missed how Emma was trying to be snarky. Emma was not about to miss any opportunity to rub it in Melissa’s face that the two of you came from money and were marrying into it. Poor Melissa never had a boyfriend and had no prospect of an engagement.

“Oh! No, you didn’t show me! Let me see, Y/n.”

You held out your hand as Melissa gazed at your ring. Emma gave you a smirk before beginning to speak again.

“Over Christmas, we should go look at dresses. Evan told me that Walburga and Orion didn’t put a limit on your wedding costs. We must look at lingerie too. We can find something that won’t keep the blood flowing in Regulus’ head.”

You smirked.

“I’m sure he will be thrilled just like he is with the rest of my lingerie.”

Before Melissa or Emma could say something, the compartment door opened and a boy by the name of Alexander James came in. You internally rolled your eyes at the thought of Alexander. He was the Ravenclaw seeker and had a personal vendetta to piss Regulus off. It started with Alexander having a crush on you that didn't diminish when he found out just who your boyfriend was. It ended up carrying onto the quidditch pitch when Slytherin kicked the cream cheese out of Ravenclaw (Regulus may or may not have intentionally knocked Alexander off of his broom too...but that wasn’t important.) Regulus and Evan called Alexander “Alexander two first names” which Alexander also found annoying.

He had come into the compartment the moment that he didn’t see Regulus or Evan sitting with you. Had one or the other been in the compartment, Alexander wouldn’t have bothered. He wasn't in a mood for dueling with the two other boys who usually kicked his butt.

“Y/n, ladies, I hope all of you had a great summer.”

You met Emma’s eyes. She gave you a sneer of annoyance. Without speaking the two of you were agreeing on the fact that he had to be barking mad to go into a train compartment with two death eater’s girlfriends.

“It was nice.”

You replied, crossing your legs. Emma came in quickly too.

“Considering you got engaged, I would think that your summer was more than nice.”

Alexander frowned. That was the last thing that he wanted to hear. You were too good of a woman to be with Regulus Black. Alexander didn’t care how noble or respected the Black family was.

“You’re engaged?”

“Yes.”

You said, with a smile before flashing your engagement ring. Alexander recovered from his shock quickly.

“An emerald, how common of a Slytherin and kind of expected. I was looking at the quidditch schedule and it appears that Ravenclaw is against Slytherin for the first match. Do you plan on coming?”

You were fuming over the comment about your engagement ring.

“Considering that my fiance is the Slytherin seeker, I would say the chances are pretty good. As far as my engagement ring, I don’t think it's common. It's actually a one of a kind piece.”

Before Alexander could respond the compartment door came open and Regulus stepped inside with Evan behind him. Both stopped the moment that they noticed Alexander. Evan gave Regulus a grin before speaking.

“Alexander two names. Did you get lost trying to find other Ravenclaws? Every girl in here is in Slytherin.”

“He could be color blind.”

Regulus suggested as he sat down beside you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

“Miss me, princess?”

“Of course.”

You replied. Alexander watched with a sneer as Regulus kissed you.

“I’m out.”

He snapped before getting up and leaving. Evan raised an eyebrow and motioned to the place where Alexander had been sitting.

“What was that about?”

Emma leaned back against her fiancé’s arm.

“The fool has it bad for Y/n. Don’t worry, Reg. We took care of it. He looked like someone kicked him in the balls when he saw her engagement ring.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, making a mental note to meet up with Alexander in a dark hallway at some point in the future.

“He should be sick. He can’t afford anything that nice. His family is a bunch of blood traitors anyway.”

Regulus commented before taking his hand in yours. He waited until Evan and Emma were lost in their own conversation before leaning over to you. You instantly broke into chills as his mouth touched your ear.

“I want you in my bed tonight.”

He gave you that raised dom eyebrow expression that left your legs shaking without even being touched.

That night both Regulus and yourself remained in the common room until everyone cleared out.

“Time for bed, love”

Regulus said with a smirk before picking you up bridal style. The other boys were asleep when Regulus stepped into the room. Only Evan sat up and was reading. He looked up at Regulus holding you before looking back down.

“Have fun and for the love of Merlin use a silencing charm. I don’t want to hear.”

Regulus gently tossed you onto his waiting bed before closing the curtains. He cast the silencing charm as Evan requested. Had it been anyone but Evan, Regulus would have been a cocky shit and made whoever it was, listen to the sounds of you moaning his name.

You quickly undressed as Regulus unbuttoned his shirt.

“Take all of it off. I don’t want to waste time.”

Regulus hissed. His sweet calm nature quickly had changed to an annoyed, sassy, and almost jealous way. You knew exactly what this was about...Alexander.

“What did he want?”

Regulus hissed as he spread your legs. You quickly reached up and tugged your lover down for a fiery possessive kiss.

“I told you. He thinks that he can have something that he can’t have.”

“Something that’s mine.”

Regulus said, in a cold voice. You gently moved out from underneath Regulus and pushed him onto his back. You placed your thighs on either side of his body. Regulus looked up at you with an extra sassy expression.

“Yes, something that’s yours. Yours and yours alone...I think we both know that I have been your girl since we were children.”

You ran your hands down his chest before running over his erection that was pressed between your body and his stomach.

“Love…”

Regulus groaned. He automatically bucked his hips into you. You took his left hand and pressed kisses to each knuckle.

“Fucking tease.”

Regulus said, reaching between your bodies to tease at your clit.

“See how wet you make me? You worry about Alexander for no reason.”

Regulus’ eyes snapped open.

“Can we not talk about him when we are about to fuck?”

“Make love.

You corrected. Regulus rolled his eyes. After being back with Evan and the others for a short period, Regulus had forgotten about your girly needs. He didn’t mind if you wanted to say making love, fucking, whatever. You were happy underneath him and that was what he wanted. The fact that you didn’t want anything to do with the little prick from Ravenclaw was enough to keep Regulus happy.

“Sorry, princess. Now, why don’t you lay back and let me show you what a pureblood fucks like.”

You didn’t have to be told twice to lay backward at the foot of the bed. Regulus’ eyes rolled up to make sure that the bed hangings were securely closed. The last thing that he wanted was his naked ass spied on by fucking Barty Crouch Jr. Regulus made a mental note to tell Barty that if he was so desperate for companionship to go talk to Melissa. That would be a great disaster in the making.

“Reggie.”

You whined his name, pulling Regulus from his thoughts. He smiled before wrapping your legs around his waist and leaning down for a kiss. Regulus gently nipped at your bottom lip before kissing you fully. He slipped his tongue inside as you moaned against his mouth. Enjoying the quiet moment of french kissing didn’t last long. The desperate need for “more” was quickly setting in.

The moment that Regulus pushed in your purred against his lips. Regulus chuckled before moving his mouth away from yours for a moment.

“Mum would have died from embarrassment if she knew that we were snogging on the train. She really thinks we are good little kids. I’ve turned you into a bit of a needy little minx.”

You closed your eyes and bit your bottom lip. In your mind, you silently thanked Sirius and his insane porn collection. Regulus wrapped his hand around your right breast and began to knead the plump flesh. His thrusts became more deliberate and hyper-focused on your spot.

“Reggie, harder!”

You whimpered against his mouth. The tension was building inside of you quickly. Both of you tonight would be a quickie. Sex for the next few months would be quickies. It was hard to sneak around Hogwarts and have long romantic sex sessions. When Regulus started quidditch in the next month, you knew that your lover’s time would become even more strained.

The realization at just how little that you would see Regulus hit you like a brick to the stomach. Over the years of your life, you were used to him always being around. As children, he was your playmate. It was always the two of you together (when you were at Grimmauld Place). When you were with your grandparents, Regulus got Walburga to write to you multiple times a day (even if it was the same conversation over and over). He didn’t care and neither did you. Your connection was what mattered. This was most likely what persuaded Walburga to arrange the marriage. She knew that you would be taken care of and so would Regulus. What she didn’t prepare you for was the life-sucking loneliness that you would soon feel. Walburga assured you that you would be just fine without Regulus’ constant presence.

“So close, princess.”

Regulus grunted. He didn’t have any clue what was going through your mind. If he did, he didn’t seem to let on. Regulus’ mind was too occupied by your body milking him for all that he was worth.

Your body tightened around his and sent Regulus over the path of no return. Finishing inside of you, Regulus waited a moment before pulling out enough to gather you into his arms. His fingers stroked your scalp gently as Regulus kept you securely snuggled against him.

When you didn’t speak, Regulus immediately picked up on your sudden sullen mood.

“What’s wrong?”

He asked, softly. You, meanwhile, knew that there was no point in bothering him with your girlish thoughts. Regulus would miss you as much as you missed him and there was no point in making things worse. He had enough on his plate without a nagging fiancé.

“Everything is perfect.”

You lied before pressing a kiss to his collarbone. Regulus seemed pleased with your answer as he snuggled his face down into the mattress.

“Stay here and keep me warm.”

Regulus whispered, tiredly. If he could, he would have you sleeping in his bed with him every night. Between being a death eater and playing quidditch, he wasn’t for sure where the time for romance would fit in but he would find a way. Stuff always worked between the two of you before so why shouldn’t it now?

____

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amorremanet · 7 years

Note

2, 10, 42, 47

asks for fanfic writers

well, no. 10 and no. 42 are over here, but!

2. things that motivate you

* The stereotype that autistic spectrum people are only good for STEM-related things. Like, for all of the folks on the spectrum who are good at STEM things, that’s great and I wish them all the best — but I suck at math and I can’t do anything science-related without turning it into, “how can I make a sociopolitical sci-fi critique out of this” or, “but do gay aliens believe in me,” so nah, I’m gonna pass on doing anything STEM-y.

I’d much rather give a big middle finger to everyone who has this ridiculous notion that autistic spectrum people are completely and utterly uncreative, and that we are only ever good for STEM things, and I’d like to do it by being successful in my chosen creative pursuits, please and thank you.

* Tangentially? Temple fucking Grandin. I don’t actually have any problems with her, herself — but I have a lot of problems with how allistic people hold her up as The One True Way To Be A Successful Person Who “Suffers From” Autism™ and how about fuck that, no. I want to be a successful autistic writer who is nothing like Temple Grandin, apart from both of us being white autistic women/dfab people who are going to be identified and treated as women by other people irl regardless of any wibbly wobbly messy gender feels on our part.

* Talking with people about my projects. On one hand, it’s a way of getting feelings kind of like validation. On the other, and way more importantly for me? I love getting feedback from people, or hearing the questions they come up with — like, on NYE, my aunt and I chatted back and forth about my novel while playing a weird card game with one of my cousins, and Aunt Kelly asked some questions that got me to put a few ideas I’ve been playing with into words more concretely, which was super-helpful — and I get a lot of motivation to work from getting jazzed up about things through talking with people.

* Totally a petty thing, but? Getting cranky with JK Rowling over all of the Good Ally Cookies she doesn’t actually deserve to claim, or all of the characters of hers who Deserved Better (lol, uh. today, my therapist learned that I get Upset about Percy Weasley very easily and about my longstanding hate-on for his parents, and bless her heart, when I went, “uh, I just over-identify with Percy Weasley a lot and there’s a good deal of projection going on here but I also don’t think I’m wrong,” she kinda smiled and nodded and went, “I can tell :)” — she’s great, I love her)

or how, even ignoring all of the #Problematic things about her body of work in the Potterverse, there’s SO MUCH GOOD SHIT in the HP series but she’s so clearly invested in the plot as she envisions it and the story she wants to tell for Harry, to the exclusion of all else, that she ends up completely short-changing basically every other character who is not named Severus Snape or Hermione Granger (most of the time, but not 100% of the time)

Like, I’ve said it before and I will say it until everyone is completely sick of me saying it, then I will continue saying it anyway: JKR views all of her characters — barring Harry, and sometimes Snape and Hermione — as plot devices more than she views them as characters.

She’s a bit better about some of them (Remus, Sirius but not as much as Remus, Ron and Luna but not as much as they deserve, Neville and Draco but not in the ways that they deserve)

but she’s really bullshit about most of them (this is not a complete list, but: Cho; Ginny; Cedric; Tonks; Fleur; Albus, Aberforth, and Ariana; Voldemort — not in that I need her to be sympathetic toward him but ffs, some 101-level consistency in his characterization would be nice; Kingsley; Percy; Wormtail; James; Lily;

Lockhart — “I’m not bitter about JKR’s ableism and victim-blaming with regard to Gildylocks,” I say bitterly, with a bitter expression, while hanging up informational posters about how bitter I am; Andromeda and Ted — deserved better, this is not a question or a debate, I want to say that it’s not even an opinion, but tbh, I know that it is, so hmph; Regulus; Barty Crouch Jr. because he is my Favorite and I can’t make this list without mentioning him;

Bellatrix — again, I don’t need her to sympathize with Bellatrix because how about no? but Bellatrix Black Lestrange is one of the shittiest villains I’ve ever read, in terms of HOW she was written, and I think a lot of the flaws in how JKR wrote her could have been remedied if she actually did anything to make Bellatrix a fully realized character, which would’ve made her a more effective and meaningful villain, and not a shrieking Saturday morning cartoon caricature;

Molly and Arthur — I’m not going into full detail about why I hate them today, you lot can just go read my tag on the subject if you want to know, and I don’t think that JKR’s “plot device first, people second” method of characterization is the only problem? But I think it’s a major contributing factor to The Problem Of Molly And Arthur, because she presents them as this image of Idyllic Domestic Perfection even when their actions and the internal fabric of the Weasley Family, don’t support that claim, and it sucks)

—basically, JK Rowling motivates me by fucking up a lot, because she was one of my idols as a kid and as a teenager, and she was a relevant and immediate source of inspiration because Oh My God You Can So Too Write Novels For A Living And Make A Difference In People’s Lives, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that she saved my life a few times, albeit mostly in indirect fashions…… but she fucks up a lot, and this is motivating for me because it makes me want to do better than her.

It’s not even exclusive to HP fic, either. Like, she’s one of my biggest sources of motivation to work on my novel and put thought and love and heart into making it the best that it can be — because I want to do better than her and even if I never have her kind of money (which lol, never gonna happen), I still want to beat her at something. Once I earn it, I will happily accept beating her at artistic integrity and commitment.

Is it petty? Yes, definitely. But hey, man, fish gotta swim, dogs gotta eat, and sometimes, I gotta think about my issues with JK Rowling to remember that I need to do better than her and motivate myself to do the work

* You know those, “do it for her/him” memes based on that one thing from The Simpsons that people make with their fave characters and/or celebs? Yeah, I kind of want to make one for myself with Oscar Wilde. Because there’s a lot about him that wasn’t ever perfect (he was a white guy in Victorian England, even accounting for his Anglo-Irishness, so…… yeah), and there are several points on which I don’t agree with him (like, for example: if you are such a shit to your wife that your boyfriend, who is so completely up his own ass that it’s a miracle he hasn’t found a way to Narnia, notices and calls you out on it? I’m kinda thinking that you might want to reassess how you treat people and stop being like that, bub)

—but I also want to be a fabulous gay Slytherclaw social satirist who uses that #aesthetic and the popular tropes of the day to do my own thing and redefine outside the box, and hey, if I ever get a, “wit and wisdom of…” book published with some of my coolest quotables in it? That would be an awesome bonus.

* “Okay, but seriously: how obvious can I be that Yael and Elizabeth are a big, ‘fuck you’ to Marvel about all of their queerbaiting with Charles and Erik before I can get sued for it? Because while Yael and Elizabeth are still characters in their own right, their original inspiration was, ‘hey, what if I flipped the bird to Marvel about all of their fucking queerbaiting with Charles and Erik, and did it with extra lesbians? that’s be pretty fucking cool,’ and I don’t want to be sued, but I also don’t want for my point to be missed here”

—or more generally, “I can’t die before I finish my novel, I have a lot of people to piss off and call on their crap through the magic of the written word *makes a sparkly rainbow with my hands like Spongebob going, ‘imaginaaaaaaaation!!! :D’*”

* So, there’s this one bit in Dry, Augusten Burroughs’ memoir about the early parts of his struggle with alcoholism and addiction. In his rehab, one of their assignments for group therapy is to write letters to people in their lives and feel their feelings about these relationships. He writes to Pighead, his best friend/“it’s complicated,” who is HIV-positive.

Reading the letter at group, Augusten finds himself crying, then shares the whole tangled-up backstory that he and Pighead have together, from how they first met on a phone-sex line, to how Augusten fell hard in love with him, to how they were friends with benefits and then he told Pighead that he was in love with him and Pighead plays the, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” card (that is verbatim what he says in the book, and the way Burroughs reads it in the audiobook kills me every single time), so Augusten dates other guys and tries to fall out of love with Pighead, only for Pighead to come see him first when his HIV test comes back positive and realize that he’s In Love with Augusten only, “after he became diagnosed with a fatal disease”

—which gives us the great line, “Part of me felt deep compassion. And another part felt like, You fucker.”

(Which is seriously one of my top ten lines in all literature, ever. tbh, it’s probably top five, but the top ten list would be hard enough to come up with to begin with, and I’d have to parcel things out into Poetry, Prose [possibly split into Fiction and Nonfiction, at that], and Dramatic Writing just to get it down to ten things on each list, and? It’s just a perfect line, oh my god)

At the end of it, Augusten has a moment with Kavi, another one of the patients at his rehab, who is addicted to cocaine and sex. Kavi tells him about how he left his lover who was HIV-positive after his diagnosis, so that he wouldn’t be the person getting left for once, and about how he feels like cocaine never leaves him. And we get: “Suddenly, I want to drink.… I don’t want to drink in a jovial ‘Highballs for everybody!’ way. I want to drink to the point where I could undergo major knee surgery and not feel so much as a pinch.”

I just.

There is so much about this section of the book that fucks me up so hard, but in ways that I love so much — and there’s a lot that I love about it for a lot of reasons, but like?

Speaking entirely with my writer hat on right now?

That part is just immaculately written. Every word is perfectly chosen, and they are strung together just right. Burroughs chooses the exact right images and scenes to characterize his and Pighead’s developing relationship, and his moment with Kavi, and it’s just

This part of the book makes me remember why I write. Because I have been reading and rereading this book since high school — I have had my battered up and taped together paperback copy with the yellowing pages since Easter 2005 — and this part STILL fucks me up, every. single. time. The audiobook version of it still fucks me up every. single. time.

Back in high school when I first read it, it hit me so hard because I had a habit of falling in love with girls who were straight and/or just did not like me back (and it would get worse, because the girl I was in love with who dared me to write D*rarry just to see if I could? Would go on to put me in the position of being her Girl Friday while I got to watch her love everybody but me, and praise the creative work of everybody but me, and go on about how two of her other friends were totally brilliant and misunderstood creative geniuses because they were incomprehensible and it was totally bourgeois for me to want to write to be understood but it was okay she knows I’m ~mainstream like that, but then still call on me — which made the whole Augusten/Pighead thing hurt so much more for me because I was kind of her, “I love you, but I’m not In Love with you”)

(I will say this about that relationship: I didn’t handle it well, either. I was petty and jealous, and waaaay more damagingly? I hadn’t yet grasped the idea that you sometimes have to just let people be messed up at you about the shit they’re going though without trying to fix everything for them, especially when there’s nothing that you can actually do to fix it. In retrospect, it’s kind of hilarious that I loaned her a copy of Perks of Being A Wallflower that I never saw again, because the whole idea that you can’t just constantly put someone else’s needs before your own and call it love, and the related concept that doing this is actually kind of a form of selfishness, in a way?

………yeah, that was VERY relevant to how I handled that relationship, and she rightfully called me on a lot of shit related to those ideas, and I spent a lot of time having an unfair chip on my shoulder because I was jealous on one hand, and indignant about how her other friends got to be Real Artists™ because their shit was incomprehensible but I got to be a Poser Artist™ because I wanted to be understood and not just fap around with some neo-Dadaist nonsense — and as seen here, I still do have a chip on my shoulder about Dadaist anything, but in fairness, I’d have that with or without any of this story because Dada is the worst — and I’m not saying that I was totally pure or innocent in anything here.

But at the time, I cried a lot over Augusten/Pighead feels because I felt that whole, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” situation and trying to fall out of love with someone only to crumble when they needed you and resent them for needing you but hate yourself for resenting them — I felt all of that so hard.)

My appreciation for this part of the book has evolved and changed over time, and it’s deepened — as I’ve learned more about LGBTIQ history, I’ve come to appreciate the context of the story more and gain more of a sense of reverence for the LGBTIQ people who came before me and actually fought through the early days of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, and it has changed how I read this part of the book more than anything else (c.f., my passive-aggressive addition of the REST of the quote to one post of the, ‘deep compassion vs. you fucker’ part because I was really annoyed with a bunch of straight people who were reblogging it without the full context and acting like they actually had any idea what it’s like to be gay and in a situation like Augusten is with Pighead here) — and I just

The biggest thing about this part of the book that’s made it stick around for me? is that no matter how I’ve appreciated it at any point, and no matter which parts of it have been the most important to me at any given moment, and no matter WHY it’s fucked me up — it’s still fucked me up so hard every. singled. fucking. time…… but in a way that has always made me feel a lot less alone in the world

It’s sort of similar to something that one of my fiction profs in undergrad once said about creating characters: we were talking, in one of our biweekly one-on-ones, about a story I’d brought in with one of my more off-putting characters (his name is Emerson, he’s an abrasive little shit who does a lot of very fucked up things and was kind of influenced by the Kurt/Karofsky plot back in season two of Glee because that was happening on TV at the time and I had a lot of feelings about it that I didn’t have any other way to deal with because I didn’t want to write Glee fic about all of it. He was more similar to Karofsky than Kurt)

I was convinced that everyone would hate him (not least because he an asshole to basically all of the other characters and assaulted the guy he had a crush on while he was high). Instead, he was actually really popular and one of my classmates, who I admired because her writing was so lyrical and confident and she was a great person, said that she found herself identifying with him, especially during some of his worst moments in that draft. While I was boggling about this, Professor Lucy said that one of the reasons why Emerson went over so gangbusters in workshop was that, instead of going the route of creating a tabula rasa character like Stephenie Meyer wrote Bella Swan to be, I’d given him so many clearly defined character traits and behaviors

According to Professor Lucy, the specificity is what makes it easier for people to identify with characters and feel for them, because it makes them more fully realized. (The, “according to” is just for the sake of attribution because this is a point that I’ve taken to heart and that I do totally agree with Professor Lucy about.) And I feel that a lot with the Augusten/Pighead part of the book because it’s so specific and it’s so grounded and it’s so REAL

And that’s a huge part of why it’s always gotten to me emotionally, and why it’s stuck with me after all this time, and why it’s consistently made me feel less alone and irreparably freakishly weird

Anyway, this got way longer than I intended to get, but the ability to affect someone so deeply with your work — that’s a responsibility that I take very seriously when it comes to writing, with regard to all different aspects of how you can possibly do this with the written word — and this part of Dry is such a source of motivation for me because it’s such a great example, for me, of How To Do An Emotionally Affecting Writer Thingy Well

I use technical language like this because I am such a Serious Business Writer, oh yes I am

47. how many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time?

I usually don’t count, because it’s usually a lot and not all of them are really guaranteed to ever be properly finished, oops.

#memes for ts #mine: personal #actual about me #mine: writing #mine: asks #writing is hard #fandom shenanigans #actuallyautistic #opinions for ts #jk rowling is not a gift #about me: if i were psychic do you think i'd be writing #about me: slytherin pride #augusten burroughs #i just have a lot of feelings #alcohol cw// addiction cw//#Anonymous #asks for fanfic writers

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