#also made me realized how much fucked up shit the wizard goes through in arc 2 cus WOWZA

[extravalgant]

speaking more from my last post about shadow magic and its just. so interesting tbh. like the first mention of shadow magic comes from khrysalis when we enter the eclipse tower and it gives us interesting looks into how shadow magic as a whole is regarded in the spiral...

its so insane to hear that its a forbidden magic and that grandmother raven and BARTLEBY of all people forbade it to be taught. raven i could probably understand, but considering we are now bartlebys scion... it's hard to think about the possibility that he didn't trust us before. an outsider from the spiral learning a forbidden magic...

i think what's also interesting is the fact that the shadow magic the wizard learns is a wholly unique one. shadow magic corrupted the moon magic inside the tower, so there's a possiblity that our wizard only knows this specific subset of shadow magic—one that's been permanently altered by moon magic in the eclipse tower, and one that can only be taught by sofia darkside.

it makes me wonder if velma knows the same kind, or if hers and the wizard's shadow magic is different... is one more volatile than the other? or if there's no difference at all and im looking into it too much lolol

knowing this and knowing raven forbade anyone in the spiral from ever learning shadow magic, it would make a little bit of sense for how hostile she initially seems towards the wizard... if we take what we saw from the book of secrets, then we know that magic law states that nothing is an accident—magic is reactive and 'sentient' to a certain degree, so there was no mistake in the wizard freeing grandfather spider from his prison using magic, because that's what they wanted.

granted it was for other reasons... but it doesn't paint a pretty picture of any of us. the wizard learns shadow magic, the wizard frees spider, and then spider goes on to say that theyre his favorite.

i think what makes this particularly more tragic is the fact that the wizard didn't even have a choice. sofia says this herself!

they need to learn it. the sword of kings isn't enough. being a child of prophecy isn't enough. they failed once before, and theyre not eager to fail again. theyll try anything, and everything, and that includes... freeing grandfather spider.

which, you know, speaking of backlash... sofia mentions it too lol.

which is interesting to me... i always complained that the morganthe fight needed a bit more oomph—which, i still believe it does, to some extent—but i think how she died was a fitting end to her. crushed underneath the weight of her own powers, her own shadow—her backlash. she was the instrument of her own defeat, and, well... that could have very well been the wizard. she's our reflection, our parallel. i think it's why the wizard never mentions or claims that theyre the one that did her in—because they technically... didn't, but they also did. which is cool!

much to think about....

#val.txt #wizard101 #w101 #wizard101 spoilers #wahhhh . i love khrysalis #also i loved doing my little essays talking about wiz ... i think doing them has rekindled my love for arc 2 a lil bit hehe #also made me realized how much fucked up shit the wizard goes through in arc 2 cus WOWZA #arc 1 is just basically like malistaire doesnt care about u . he just cares about his wife #arc 2 is morganthe actively going out of her way to try and ruin ur life and i love that #I LOVE MY EVIL WIFEEEEEEEEE (tears my shirt off) #once again idk if anyone has talked about this before but i wanted to talk about it . ITS MY TURN NOW #long post

[grifff17]

Audiodrama Sunday 04/28/24

So much stuff this week! I think this is going to be my longest writeup yet!

@camlannpod what the fuck? Trying to avoid spoilers, but the ending of that episode was wild. The sound design for the last scene was so good. Also “You're good with an axe, right?” was brutal, I audibly said "oof". Only 1 more episode in the season, hopefully they get funding for a second one.

The first episode of @wanderersjournalpod came out this week. This was a promising start to a new show, I'm excited to see where it goes from here. The setting feels very mystical, I can't wait to learn more about the world.

@worldsbeyondpod was so tense. Suvi and Ame had the most awkward conversation in existence. This story has so much nuance, neither of them are clearly in the right, though I feel inclined to take Ame's side due to the "Geas + Alter Memory" double espionage scheme. Meanwhile Ursulon discovers that Orima of the Reaching Green is a short queen and gets a cool horse.

I'm now up to date with @lostterminal. Season 15 was great. I love Nia, and Daphne and Raffi were really interesting new characters. Also, the dragon was terrifying. This show doesn't usually have very much action, so the confrontation with it really stood out. The description of the automatic turret going "click, click" as it locked on to Maddie was so intimidating.

@worldgonewrongpod I loved this episode. The storytelling felt so natural and real, like someone telling me a story about a weird road trip they went on. I think I said this about the last episode too, but this was my favorite episode yet. It also sets up the backstory which was never really explained as to why Jamie and Malik are separated at all.

In @midstpodcast we finally had a nicer episode. No horrible fucked up Weep/Trust stuff happening, just Lark reunited with Zeila and Sherman. However, there's so much tension between these characters. I was surprised that Lark forgave Sherman for selling her out. Something to remember is that Lark and Sherman had been hooking up before everything went to shit, which was mentioned once and I think really changes their relationship.

New @keepitsteadypod! This is the first new episode of this show since I started doing these. This was a really cute episode. For how popular fake dating is as a trope in fandom spaces, you don't see a lot of it in audiodramas.

Fun episode of Mission Rejected this week. It was cool to see Bowden go from "vain actor" to "badass spy" when the stakes ramped up. We don't get to see him take charge very often, it was neat for him to be a competent leader. I wonder if the gang lying to Zelda(who definitely saw through it) and Chet(who probably didn't) is foreshadowing for more of a conflict with the new Secretary of Defense later in the season. Also I loved the squabbling gay couple running an illegal mining operation as the villains of the week.

@breakerwhiskey episode 200 wow. A letter from Harry! We learned that Harry has been listening to most of Whiskey's broadcasts, which recontextualizes a lot of the previous episodes. Also, the end was heartbreaking.

I started season 2 of @longcatmedia's Mockery Manor! I'm 2 episodes in and really like it so far. JJ and Bettie are employed in different parks, JJ is on the run from an organized crime ring, and Bettie became a monk? Also, it's clear that neither Hilda nor Jenkins stole the shipment, neither of them have motive. But I don't know who else would have motive either. Lots of mysteries this season.

Spout Lore had a great planning episode. I'm excited for the "saving Highspear" arc, the Highspear is so cool as a concept. A reverse Tower of Babel, that lets the whole world talk with each other. A literal monument to wizard hubris, which feels destined to fall. However I doubt it will, because, as the players mentioned, it would be really annoying from a storytelling perspective if everyone suddenly spoke different languages. This has actually made me realize I really want a story set shortly after some sort of "fall of the Tower of Babel", where communication is a struggle, but that's just because I think linguistics is cool. Anyways, the buffet talk had me rolling.

What a great week! However, it did not help my queue, which continues to grow instead of get smaller. I'll reach the end of it one day.

#camlann #camlannpod #wanderer's journal #worlds beyond number #twtwtwo #lost terminal #world gone wrong #midst podcast #keep it steady #mission rejected #breaker whiskey #mockery manor #spout lore #spout lore podcast

[courtney-deserved-better]

okay ive got fantasy high on the brain so here's a little fantasy high td au that i will never write. spoilers for like. all of it that's been released so far.

the bad kids:

right off the bat, sammy and amy as adaine and aelwyn. don't have much to say on this besides i think they fit pretty well. amy would have to be a bit smarter for aelwyn's place in the story but other than that i think they fit pretty well. sammy as a wizard with anxiety but who also desperately wants to fuck up the ppl who wrong her once she gets treatment for that anxiety. also i like to think in this au that amy would have a redemption arc and she and sammy could learn how to be somewhat functional sisters.

lightning as fabian. they are both egotistical athletes with a ridiculous amount of pressure from their shitty parents and i would love lightning to have an arc where he makes friends and learns to overcome toxic masculinity

dj as gorgug! he has the capacity to rage but he doesn't want to unless its necessary which disappoints people who expect someone as big as him to be a fighter. but he just wants to give tin flowers to his friends! maybe his love for cooking turns into a love for creating and that's how he becomes an artificer. he would definitely make little mechanical animal friends. also that makes his moms wilma and digby

hear me out. priya as kristen. big worshipper of helio thanks to her parents/being his chosen one but as she goes through the world without that strong of an influence she realizes how wrong they are and breaks away from that mentality. a bit of a chaotic being as she goes through life trying to find structure again but dedicated to her friends and whatever deity she's worshiping at the time

kitty as fig. she loves her friends so so much. she wants to try so many different things. she has issues with an authoritative female figure in her life (emma/sandra lynn). i think she could rock the punk/devil aesthetic while still being so friendly and silly.

i had such a hard time figuring out who would be riz but i'm gonna say shawn. they're both conspiracy theorists who probably drink way too much coffee and get way too little sleep. i can see shawn's obsession to surviving the zombie apocalypse be turned into an obsession with solving mysteries in this world. i think it'd be funny if that made sanders sklonda because she already sorta has tired single mom trying her best energy and is (unfortunately) a cop

others:

chris as aguefort. truly a facilitator, manifester, and being of chaos. alternatively i could see him being the jace to chef's porter

millie as ayda!! she would sooo be a librarian who doesn't understand friendship and the chaos that comes with it but wants to be loved so bad but doesn't understand how to get that love and is generally insecure while coming off as knowledgeable and somewhat aloof

if kitty is fig then i can see emma as sandra lynn in an "older sister who's been raising her younger sister and who knows who her real dad is but won't say" i think there's some delicious sister angst there especially with kitty pulling away once she realizes they're actually half sisters and emma knows who kitty's dad is because she's older but won't tell her. not sure how gilear factors into the situation

dave as biz. has his nice guy thing with sammy instead of sky.

zee as zaphriel/the hangvan. just chill vibes dude.

scary girl as baron!! she's already lowkey got the aesthetic in different colors all she needs is the puppet/mask/mirrors stuff. she would haunt the shit out of shawn

raj as ragh!! starts out as a bit of a bully jock but once he gets over his toxic crush, is rescued by the bad kids, and comes out he's so much happier and nicer while still being a total jock. not sure how wayne would fit into the equation but maybe he could just be raj's friend on the bloodrush team

duncan as jawbone is really funny to me because yeah he has this crazy past as a drug dealer but now he's a high school guidance counselor who's super dedicated to helping kids and has embraced the domestic life?? kinda have a hard time seeing it for duncan but i do think it would be really funny

alejandro as garthy. don't have much to say on this just the vibes if alejandro wasn't evil and wanted to chill on a pirate ship he would be garthy.

leonard as sprak they're both so silly

i think putting trent as gilear would be so funny. local normal guy is just cursed to have the worst day every day. make that man the lunch lad

ennui as zayn purely bc of the tall goth aesthetic

beth as cathilda. i like to think she's generally small and helpful but could kick so much ass if needed

the rat grinders:

courtney as kipperlilly there's truly no other choice.

scarlett as oisin bc she seems like the nicest, most reasonable rat grinder and then bam she's been scheming with their most evil plot

crimson as mary ann bc she is so expressionless 24/7 but can fuck you up without blinking

julia as ivy. mean girl time!!

mal as ruben. he thinks he's so edgy and cool when he's just a high schooler who sings in an emo band. kitty would enjoy psychologically tormenting his as wanda chillda

bridgette as lucy!! she and courtney were once best friends until she was the one rat grinder who chose to die rather than be overtaken by rage and courtney is left alive and grieving and betrayed by her best friend

emma (td) as buddy, actually a pretty nice person who is being influenced by a toxic mindset and suffers greatly at the hands of people using her as a pawn

gotta go be a functioning human being in society so that's all i got for now

#i dont know what this is but take it

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Teddy Bear Anon has purposed yet another interesting addition to the Immune AU which gives me plot ideas! In particular, a scene that would really help give past Dream a strong push into his character arc. 

I like to image that immune!Dream’s character arc starts with the death of immune!Puffy. Sure, maybe he’s not sad yet, but he feels something for the woman who declared herself his pseudo mother. It’s what helps to crack the shell enough for the rest of the immune gang to start weedling their way into his heart. Immune!Dream after spending enough time watching the group he, starts to realize that yeah, connections to other people isn’t a weakness. It really is a strength. It’s something that takes time for him to come to terms with because Techno seems like a testament to the fact connections are a weakness. He was unbeatable until his horse got kidnapped. His only connection, his only weakness. But then there’s Tommy who seems to represent the complete opposite. 

Where Dream represents strength from caring too little, Tommy represents strength from caring far too much. Now I’m a sucker for bamf Tommy, and I like to personally imagine that maybe the Immunes hold out for a year or two before they cave and try to make the portal. So Tommy has what really boils down to a two year training arc on top of already being a child veteran (I like to canonize SMP Earth as well because personal preference and it gives me even more room to make Tommy suffer. SMP Earth being canon? God, so much fucking trauma considering how the others treated him, a 15 year old child, like an adult.) Anyway Dream slowly realizes connections with one another are what kept the remaining Immunes alive, and he tries to force his younger self to understand that. Tries, but doesn’t really get far. Up until what everyone else calls The Fight.

Tommy’s always just kind of screwed around in fights as long as there’s only a threat to him. We know he has a tendency to throw if MCC is any indicator. But then they time travel and maybe they spend some time in the past trying to get the situation sorted and the past’s Dream maybe just kinda does something to Tubbo. Doesn’t even have to be big, it just needs to clock as a threat to Immune!Tommy who’s already lost his Tubbo and refuses to let his younger self go through that. So Tommy goes completely ape shit on the younger Dream. Sure, it’s only been two years for this Tommy. He’s probably, like, 18 or 19 at most. Still a child as far as a lot of people are concerned. He shouldn’t be stronger than Dream or Technoblade, and in the few cross group sparing sessions they’ve had he isn’t. He’s stronger than his younger self but no where near these two demi gods of combat. But then Dream suddenly registers as a threat to Tubbo in Immune!Tommy’s eyes and he makes the mistake of mocking Tommy while he’s at it. He knows that immune!Tommy lost his Tubbo and maybe the past Dream is lashing out slightly or trying to get some kind of foothold in Tommy’s psyche. He isn’t doing anything near what immune!Dream has done, but it’s enough to piss Tommy off. So immune!Tommy challenges Dream to a fight and Dream immediately realizes the mistake he’s made when Tommy starts to destroy him. 

Say even Techno’s there for some reason or another and he realizes what’s going down so he tries to calm Tommy down, joining the fight just as Dream is loosing it. The situation quickly turns into the first time Techno’s ever gotten his ass thoroughly kicked by Tommy, leaving everyone spectating baffled (Tommy’s younger self partly included). They’re certain this kid is going on some rampage and none of them can stop him but the moment Dream and Techno are both taken care of (wounded, not killed, the older Tommy is always careful about that. He even throws a splash healing on them with some indifferent kind of disgust that hides the fact he does still care to some extent even hurting as he is.) Tommy immediately just switches focus to outright doting on Tubbo, ignoring any muttered Clingyinnits in favor of ensuring Tubbo is fine. Tubbo is completely find and just as confused, but the point stands and neither Tommy ends up leaving Tubbo’s side for the rest of the day. The younger Tommy, after all, is the only one the older Tommy’s told the full story to regarding the future (even when he couldn’t trust his own family he was always able to trust himself with the secrets that mattered, so he prepares his younger self in case the worst comes to pass.)

The older Dream, immune!Dream, he doesn’t get involved. He sit on the side lines and just kinda laughs, the sound drowned out by Sapnap’s loud encouragements and Sam’s half hearted attempts to get Tommy to stop (he could have stopped Tommy immediately if he’d stepped in. Sam is after all the only person on earth Tommy listens to without hesitation, but Sam lets it happen and pretends he tried.) 

Immune!Dream just kinda smirks at his younger self later that night and mentions something about attachments really making you weak. After all, it’s not like the only time Tommy takes a battle seriously is when someone he cares about is in danger. It’s not like Tommy would turn the world into a seared ball for Tubbo, and Tubbo would do the same in return. It’s not like they’ve watched the people they care about temporarily rebuke the Crimson just to give the Immunes those precious extra seconds needed to survive in a fight. Attachments, they’re just a weakness.

The younger Dream doesn’t know how to respond to that. It’s the first time he thinks about his older self maybe being right.

Before I go I wanna leave you with two more ideas for the Immune AU

First up, Wilbur is eight years older than Tommy give or take. Wilbur had Fundy when he was around 16 and Tommy was around 8. Tommy was the best damn uncle he could be and for a while Tommy and Fundy were really stupidly close. They were both apart of the raised by Wilbur club and Wilbur was trying his damn best. Fundy aged/matured (physically and mentally) faster than a regular person for a while. They believed it was because he was a fox hybrid and Wilbur was ready to lose Fundy too soon. When Fundy was equivalent to 18 in human years though his aging process suddenly slowed to a crawl and his tail split into two, at which point the group realized he was actually a kitsune and it was just those first 8 years that passed by quickly (and Wilbur had a lot of questions for the now missing Sally who he’d thought was a salmon hybrid, genuinely, but became exceedingly less sure.) His family knows he’s a kitsune, but Fundy hid it from most of the rest of the server. A good thing considering later events. 

Fundy was part of the Immune group for a while and I like to imagine that he and Tommy had a falling out during the Pogtopia era but after the egg started to take over they started bonding again and acting like, well, family. Unfortunately when it came time for them to activate the portal, Fundy ended up getting separated from the group and getting caught. The eggpire didn’t actually know Fundy was fully immune or a kitsune so he just kinda pretended to get infected, using his illusions to make his fur look crimson. I personally like the idea that Fundy at some point managed to get back to the time machine and being a little code wizard manages to get the thing working and yeets himself in. He shows up a little late but after fixing his appearance manages to catch up with the rest of the group.

Fundy is underrated. Tommy being a good uncle is underrated. Sam would absolutely adopt the traumatized fox baby in Eret’s honor. What’s not to love?

The last concept I wanna bring up that I really like is hybrid Tommy. Tanuki would be good since it’s another reason for the Sam Nook bit. Maybe Sam specifically picked Sam Nook since Tom Nook was Tommy’s favorite character on the grounds he was the only representation Tommy had ever gotten and it made the kiddo happy. However, I also personally really like phoenix Tommy and it would make an interesting plot point. Tommy accidentally losing his third life at some point and realizing he’s an immortal creature of fire would have led to him taking a protector role for his new family. He can’t die, but he can burn anything around him, why not send him out to get supplies when the worst the eggpire could do would be capture him. Even then he just literally cannot hear the egg. Which could lead to both some interesting comedic moments and some really good angst if Sam agonizes over his desire to protect Tommy and let him be a child suddenly being at odds with the fact Tommy is literally the best person for the job so to speak. Not to mention Sapnap, who I headcanon as a Blaze hybrid, would be even more attached the moment he found a new fire proof friend to burn forests with him. Regardless of which hybrid type he is, I could see him hiding it from everyone except for Fundy when he was a child and only ever admitting it later to the other Immunes once they become a found family.

Personally I like the idea of Tommy being part tanuki hybrid and part phoenix hybrid, but is that too mary sue? Is it just a little bit too cheesy to have him be both? I will never not try to incorporate phoenix Tommy into my fics but also tanuki Tommy would be such a mood for this au.

Like image Tommy just builds a den that’s in reality a vault/panic room a la Techno and he hides it under Church Prime since that is The Safe Spot in Tommy’s mind.

~Snapdragon & Firefly

#dream smp #dream smp au #immune au #dream #dreamwastaken #captain puffy #tommyinnit #tubbo #technoblade #wilbur soot #fundy #awesamdude #sapnap #submission #snapdragon & firefly #okay all of these ideas are so good #i really like the idea of tommy being part tanuki and part phoenix hybrid #i like this so much #i like all of these ideas #long post

[gunnerpalace]

Hello, what do you think about that announcement about Bleach?

You know, the saddest day in my life was November 8, 2016, the day Donald Trump won the Electoral College and became the president-elect. (I say that with such specificity because he did not win the vote.) I wasn’t sad because Hillary Clinton lost (although I think she wouldn’t have done either much better or worse than Barack Obama). But I was sad.

I cried. As a 30 year-old man, I cried for hours. I cried at a loss of innocence. That innocence wasn’t the nation’s, as America has long had many, many flaws and has committed many, many crimes. Indeed, the country itself was founded on flaws and crimes.

The innocence I mourned was mine. I had, much like Barack Obama, sort of tacitly believed in the arc of history bending toward justice, as though we were watching a story whose plot would eventually, haltingly, carry us toward a just and fair conclusion. That the future was bright. That, as imperfect as we are and have been, we were at least improving. That people were fundamentally good.

That idea died that night. The words of Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now convey it well:

I remember when I was with Special Forces. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to inoculate the children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn’t see. We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile: a pile of little arms. And I remember I… I… I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget.

What I came to realize was, having grown up in a single-parent military family, having moved from base to base, having lived overseas at a young age, that my idea of America was very different from that of most Americans.

To me, America was great things and works. America was the Saturn V lifting off from Cape Kennedy with an American flag on its side and the letters “USA” scrolling by. America was a flag on the Moon. America was the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. America was power and reach. It was the stenciling of “United States” on the side of a B-52. It was a Minuteman III sitting latently, ominously, in a silo. It was USAMRIID containing an Ebola outbreak. It was aircraft carrier battle groups patrolling the oceans.

I came to realize that people, ordinary people, were never part of my vision. And it was people, ordinary people, who had failed to live up to that vision. And that my vision had, in many ways (really most) been an illusion to begin with. For all its rhetoric, America is just a country like any other, simply more powerful. And its citizens are also like those of any other: selfish, ignorant, frightened, foolish, hypocritical, self-betraying, racist, misogynist, misanthropic. They were exactly what Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama had called them: “deplorables” who “cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people.”

In the time since, I have hearkened to the other part of Kurtz’s monologue:

And then I realized, like I was shot—like I was shot with a diamond… a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God, the genius of that. The genius! The will to do that: perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we, because they could stand it. These were not monsters. These were men, trained cadres—these men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who have children, who are filled with love—but they had the strength—the strength!—to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling, without passion, without judgement. Without judgement! Because it’s judgement that defeats us.

The people who are in charge (and mark the exactitude of my words, for they are not in control, or in command, or any such other thing) operate by exactly this sort of logic. They do not care. The people out there do not care. They do not care because to them none of this is real, in a sense. This is all a kind of aesthetic position. It is about style, largely taken on as a disguise in the course of making money and lining their pockets. (As an aside, it is beyond ironic that COVID-19 has done more to bring capitalism to its knees, save the planet, uncover the rot at the core of our social safety net, and to unmask the incompetence of our politicians than any group of any persuasion, be it socialists, environmentalists, the media, or whomever else.) And the underlings that they have brainwashed and mobilize like zombies, the “common person,” they care even less. To them, it is wholly aesthetic. It is all just for show.

The pitilessness of this all, the remorselessness, the sheer ruthlessness and indifference, is something I have noticed. Contra Kurtz, the men who are at the top of this world are not moral. And unlike Kurtz, I do judge. I will sit in judgment until I am dust in the wind.

I cannot possibly even begin to explain to you, in English or in any other language ever devised by humans, how much I hated it all. How much I hate it still. I cannot even begin to tell you how much hate I hold. I cannot tell you how black my rage is, or how red my vengeance would be were I allowed to exact it without restraint. I cannot tell you how vast and terrible the darkness within me is now. However, the words of the Allied Mastercomputer from I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream are effective in giving a hint:

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I’VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.

Having said that, I do also know an effective strategy when I see one. And I have seen the effectiveness of these people.

Right about now, I imagine you’re confused. You’re probably wondering what all this has to do with Bleach.

I explain all this in large part to compare and contrast the large with the small. The termination of Bleach obviously came before Trump’s election. It did not make me cry. I won’t say it didn’t affect me, or that it didn’t hurt, but I didn’t cry. I did not mourn to the same extent as I have mourned for my country, or for humanity. It did put me into a funk, for several years even. It hurt.

But what hurt more was seeing what it did. I saw how it hurt people. I saw how it broke them, as I would later break. I saw how it broke their spirits. I saw how many of them simply left, choosing to cast aside something that, in Marie Kondo’s words, no longer sparked joy. I mourn their loss, while I acknowledge their wisdom. And while, in the aftermath, new friendships were formed and new things were created, you could still see the pain. You can still see it.

I am not very personally affected by what Trump does, to be honest. I am beyond outraged at it, but it is something of an academic matter in my personal life. This, though, I felt, because I watched it firsthand, up close and personal.

It made me really fucking angry!

I resolved myself, at that point in time, that I would be the last Bleach fan. I would stay, even after everyone had left, and I would make this franchise mine. I would make this story mine.

So here we are, almost four years later, and it’s coming back in animated form.

I don’t feel the need to discuss Thousand Year-Blood War itself. I have made my position abundantly clear that it is a rancid piece of shit as far as writing goes. To go over all its innumerable deficiencies, failings, and flaws, would (as I have said recently) require an official government tome’s worth of dissection and analysis. As a piece of literature it is a failure. It is the kind of shounen equivalent of 9/11, or Hurricane Katrina or Maria. And while Bleach was certainly not the first franchise to fail in its finale, it certainly deserves to be ranked among things such as How I Met Your Mother, Mass Effect 3, and HBO’s adaptation of Game of Thrones when it comes to All-Time Failures in Media.

Having said that, the truth is that it simply isn’t worth the effort to break it down in detail. Oh, I have tried, yes, I have picked and chipped at it for years in my own ways. But it isn’t worth the time to dissect any further.

And an anime is not going to change that unless they radically depart from the manga, which I doubt they will do. If anything, an anime will simply highlight all of the innumerable flaws even more brightly.

And it will not change anything. Certainly not for me. I was already planning a post talking about the concept of “canon” and how it is  outmoded in the age of Disney’s Star Wars, Star Trek Picard, and J. K. Rowling earnestly insisting that wizards just drop trow and shit on the floor before magicking it away, but that will take some time to finish and it is sort of tangential to the point here.

So, to get back to your actual question, only four things about this are really of interest to me:

I am displeased about seeing people excited for something that is objectively a rancid piece of shit, and not enthused that I will be unable to escape it without locking down my feed. But I am also not The Good Taste Police. It is not my responsibility to care what people like or why.

I am once again seeing people hurting. I don’t like that whatsoever, but there is very little I can do about it. Whatever perspective I have gained, emotionally, isn’t likely to be helpful to them. Wisdom, such as it is, cannot be taught.

I find myself wondering about the influx of people who will come into the fandom, and who will be more than likely sorely disappointed by the travesty that is that arc. (It’s going to be good news for fan fic writers, honestly.)

It has made me understand things all the more fully.

What do I mean by that last part? Well, I have been only sort of joking lately that the people I most relate to as an adult are Col. Kurtz as mentioned above, Agent Smith from The Matrix, Khan Noonien Singh from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Geralt of Rivia from The Witcher, and Mike Stoklasa from Red Letter Media.

But upon reflection, I realize it isn’t limited to them. I have also really come to feel like I understand Ichigo. And I have even come to feel that I understand Kubo, through Khan.

I have come to understand Kurtz’s “madness”:

It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror… Horror has a face… and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies!

I have come to understand Smith’s desire to escape:

I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can’t stand it any longer. It’s the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I’ve somehow been infected by it.

I have come to understand Mike’s efforts to hold back the tides:

Mike: Captain Picard has never done a wacky accent—Rich: THEY DON’T CARE! THEY DON’T GIVE A SHIT! Mike, we are the only people that care anymore!Mike: Do you remember that—Rich: Picard is the guy who does this. [faceplam gesture] He’s—This is, this is Captain Picard’s character now for an entire—for like two generations, we’re fucking old! He's—he’s the guy who does this [facepalm gesture], and fuckin’ Patrick Stewart wants to put on an eye-patch and dance around an alien bar? Go ahead motherfucker! We’ll write that in!Mike: I-I-I hearken back to a wonderful little moment on Star Trek—Rich: Patrick Picard wants to ride a dune-buggy? Fuck yeah! Here’s a dune-buggy!Mike: Do-Do you remember—Rich: That’s how much respect they have for, for the franchise!Mike: All I’m tryin’ to say is Captain Picard would not do a wacky accent!Rich: NO, OF COURSE HE WOULDN’T! OF COURSE CAPTAIN PICARD WOULD—CAPTAIN PICARD ISN’T HERE, MIKE!Mike: He’s not there.Rich: HE’S NOT HERE! That’s all an illusion, hahaha!

I have come to understand Geralt’s tiredness.

I have come to understand Ichigo’s feelings of powerlessness in the face of the injustices of the world.

I have come to understand Khan’s rage:

I’ve done far worse than kill you. I’ve hurt you. And I wish to go on… hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her; marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet… buried alive! Buried alive…!

In this last quote, I have also truly come to understand Kubo. I understand him because I want to hurt him, as he so thoroughly, persistently, and remorselessly wants to hurt us, the fans of his work. I want to go on hurting him, as he goes on hurting us. I understand him perfectly, because I want to pay him back exactly in kind.

And the best way to begin to hurt him is to let his efforts wash over me without even batting an eye. To stand in defiance. To not give a single fuck.

Even with these understandings, for me, nothing has really changed from almost four years ago. The only thing that is different is that the timeframe until I am the last man standing has been extended a little. That’s it.

You want to know my thoughts? They are simple, and they boil down to two quotes. One is again from Khan:

Joachim: They’re still running with shields down.Khan: Of course! We are one big, happy fleet! Ah, Kirk, my old friend, do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold… in space!

And the other is from JFK:

Don’t get mad. Get even.

#I Have Spoken. #Asks

[samsbastardzone]

Hey, you know that 35 d&d questions ask meme? I answered all of them.

This is a long ass post. Be warned. It took up seven and a half pages in google docs. Original post here.

1. A favorite character you have played.

Would have to be Zize Fortier, dragonborn gunslinger. Their tag on this blog is #zize and you can find their bio and info on my character page. Love that bastard!! He’s sweet and bratty and a total delight to play (we are such an OP party, y’all).

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played.

UM UM gonna talk about a few here. To be fair to people I play a *lot* of games with, I’m only gonna  talk about one PC per person.

- The bastard trio in my Wildemount game– @toomanyorphans ’s Nakoria, @overplannedbutunnamednpc ‘s Zier (also an NPC in the campaign Zize is in), and @glasyasbutch ‘s Nissy. They all really suck so bad but in SUCH funny ways. They’re varying degrees of self centered and awful, but we trust each other in this campaign, and those 3 players are SO funny in their RP.

- (RIP) Avri in my Wildemount game. They and Bly named each other,,,,  they were parent and child…… VERY sweet. huge goliath with tiny bird in backpack.

- @bekahdoesnershit ‘s Raini. Zize’s BFF, and her tag on that blog is rich. She’s SUCH a bitch but we love her.

- @bhissar ‘s Saela. She is a dream character for me to DM for– very little fleshed out backstory with room to explore, with still-concrete events in it. Consistent character choices and personality, to the point I can sometimes predict what she’ll do. Very cool aesthetically. And overall? EXTREMELY sweet. Baby, baby bird.

3. Your favorite side quest.

Either the one going on right now in amnesia, where we have to collect brain matter from big powerful elementals, or the stop we made at a family of vampires in Acarnya (the one I played Osfyr in).

4. Your current campaign.

There are five of those, with two on hold. 

-Wildemount, aka the Frozen Sick module from Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount (we’re almost done with that, my PC is Bly). 

-Amnesia campaign aka high level campaign: we woke up in hell with no memories! PC is Zize. 

-Hoard of the Dragon Queen module, near the beginning of that, PC is Pointy. 

-Horror campaign, only two sessions so far, but we’re trapped in an alternate dimension carrying out tasks for a creepy dude. PC is Vinny. 

-Kithan, where we’re high level monster hunting guild members searching  out ancient artifacts of the gods (campaign based on the Monster Hunter games), PC is Topaz.

-Silas, party is currently trying to help dragons free themselves and stop a… dude? No spoilers! I DM. On hold because I had too many campaigns going at once.

-Silas v2: extremely vaguely based on the plot of season one of the web series Carmilla. A tweaked version of the first arc the Silas party went through. On hold because it was played in person at school.

5. Favorite NPC.

I don’t really have any NPCs in my campaigns that I’m super attached to, except– Nikeo, a goliath rogue PC in Silas 1, had many adopted children. Three of them– kobolds– sometimes stand on each others’ shoulders, put on a long coat, and help out around their parent’s store. They’ve named themselves Koby.

As for favorite NPCs in campaigns I’ve played, I can think of… a lot. The first is Laurel, a blue dragonborn loner type who followed Osfyr and friends in Acarnya. They were kind of broody and dark, but they really drew me in. They were the first NPC we really talked to– they were sitting on top of the post office laughing at the mob scene of people protesting not getting their mail delivered.

I’d also pick Osfyr’s partners in that campaign– Yelkian, a backstory love interest I came up with, a flamboyant soft sorcerer. Jupiter, politician’s niece, who took pity on Osfyr’s attempts to seduce information out of her and let them succeed on both counts (seduction and information). Xerxes, extra AF rogue with a big loving family, who swept in after a fight on the back of an eagle-wildshaped Brysth (npc druid). 

There’s a blue dragon in the HOTDQ campaign that we don’t know much about. I really enjoyed the way @dungeonsanddraconicqueer played him. He’s just a dude! Lex’s warlock made a Deal with him to leave the town alone. We still don’t know the implications of that. It’s fine, guys.

And then, there’s Stewart the Skin Steward, a servant of False Mystra. Fun dude.  Very cavalier– nigh, enthusiastic!– about the fact that his entire city was made of skin. Something of a skin connoisseur, in fact!

6. Favorite death (monster, player character, NPC, etc).

Saela, hands down. She got breathed on by a dragon, yo. We then had to stop playing for 4-5 months because a player lost access to the Internet. I wrote a vision/speech from her warlock patron, the Raven Queen, the night she died, and basically didn’t touch it until I read it out in game. It involved a confession that the Queen was  tired of being a god, and showing Saela all the lives she’d touched. Then we used Matt Mercer’s rez rules for her. She came back– but it was her choice.

7. Your favorite downtime activity.

Fucking tinkering dude!!! I don’t get to do it enough as Zize and that is entirely my fault. @ morgan, eyes emoji

8. Your favorite fight/encounter.

I LOVE creepy shit. There was a train car with people dancing in it, and party members got enchanted to dance along and eat the food,  and the revelers were clearly in pain, and snuffing out a candle caused a reveler to disappear. Creepy shit!

In Kithan, we had to climb a staircase, and we timed it with produce flame which is a 10 minute duration cantrip, and we were climbing for 50 minutes. We started to see things in the edges of our vision. Then someone realized it was an illusion, and it all vanished. It freaked me out so bad.

In amnesia campaign, at level 19, we were traversing a cave, and our shadows started dripping the same black goop we were there to investigate. We killed one and it took down the max hp of the person whose shadow it was, and then they straight up didn’t have a shadow until they long rested. It really freaked us out, realizing the shadows were actually creatures, but they were like CR 1. Really effective use of a low level monster.

9. Your favorite thing about D&D.

The way it has something for everyone… the way it’s brought me so many friends… the way it’s inspired my OC creation like nothing else.

10. Your favorite enemy and the enemy you hate the most.

I’m not sure if this is asking about NPCs I’ve had as enemies, or any monster in D&D canon? The longest campaign I played in didn’t have long term enemies  per se. I’d say I was frustrated with the cultists that ambushed us last session in HOTDQ,  but I didn’t hate them! I just couldn’t seem to hit or dodge them. As for a favorite… probably False Mystra: the demon lord Orcus who’d taken over  the position, and therefore the duties, of Mystra, the god of arcane magic.  We killed it,  but then whoopso!! Our wizard lost her powers.

11. How often do you play and how often would you ideally like to play?

I play an ideal amount, honestly: four times a week, for about 2.5-3 hours a session. HOTDQ Tuesdays, Kithan and horror campaign switching off Wednesdays, Wildemount Thursdays cause we miss CR, Amnesia Sundays.

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.

Amnesia: Yocheved, the party barbarian/full time fish, has a secret third arm and/or a prosthetic ass. Cylthia, the druid, does arson (but actually). Relentless is a Crown paladin, so she puts her fingers in her ears when we do crime/lie. She also has a rod of lordly might that, immediately post amnesia, she made into a 32 foot climbing pole. Yocheved eats pounds and pounds of raw fish for every meal.

Wildemount: just the shenanigans and sabotaging each other that the Bastard Trio get into. Example: Nissy was tasked with buying Zier a cloak for cold weather and purposely got him an  ugly one. Zier then prestidigitated it to be a nicer color.

13. Introduce your current party.

Oh boy, I have 6 of those. Here goes. Keep in mind many of these characters are played and games are DMed by my friends who have OC blogs of their own: Raini and Ayen are bekahdoesnerdshit, Ezra, Nissy, and Roona are glasyasbutch, Horror DM, Lent, Eve, and Nakoria are toomanyorphans, Wildemount DM, Saela, Daecyne, and Cylthia are bhissar, HOTDQ DM is dungeonsanddraconicqueer, and Amnesia DM, Zier, Nyxi, and Sarril are overplannedbutunnamednpc. Not an OC blog, but Yocheved, Avri, Arbor, Thraf, Nikeo, and Whisper are mickgoesabsolutelyhamforbarbie.

Amnesia (Zize): Lent, tiefling paladin, former crownsguard who “fell” (became an oathbreaker), then un-fell when we lost our memories. Cylthia, tiefling/elf druid who can shift between tiefling and elf forms and loves setting things on fire. Yocheved, 14 foot tall nereid (fishfolk) barbarian with a dry sense of humor, is the party parent. And Raini, aasimar wizard, sass machine and Zize’s bff.

HOTDQ. My PC is Pointy. Ezra, quiet human paladin. Theata, moon elf rogue. Freya, sweet (human?) light cleric who sometimes misreads situations. Eve, 13 year old (!!) human warlock who kinda sucks, but like, she’s 13. Nyxi, motherly gnome bard who Is going to adopt Pointy. 

Wildemount (Bly): Alene, human barbarian. Quiet and with somewhat of a parent instinct. Some sort of Mysterious Backstory. Delta, aasimar rogue, similarly shady backstory? Unclear. Sticks with Alene. Nissy, drow rune knight, sucks. Zier, drow sorcerer, also sucks. Nakoria, dragonborn warlock, ALSO sucks. (Those three make up the Bastard Trio.) Avri (F for them), goliath bard and Avri’s guardian, died last session by falling on a floor full of knives. 

Horror campaign (Vinny): Roona, halfling bard, very impulsive, eats exclusively with her spoon that says ASS, and chills in Vinny’s fanny pack. Ayen, elven teenage warlock with a dark backstory. Sarril, Ayen’s not-dad, half elf beast barbarian who got it from his wife. Arbor, dryad  monk, who wears an all white plague doctor outfit at all times.

Silas v1 (DM), Original party before 1 left and 1 died: Hacka (RIP), human luchador-styled drunken monk. Nikeo (left), goliath rogue with so many adopted children. Inferno, fire genasi paladin/phoenix sorcerer with anger and impulse control issues. Saela, babiest aarakocra warlock of the Raven Queen. Hacka’s player now plays Voda, a stoic water genasi tempest cleric who cast Raise Dead successfully on Saela. Nikeo’s player now plays Whisper, a tabaxi astral soul monk.

Kithan (Topaz): Thraf, monsterborn (universe-compliant dragonborn) barbarian. Very social, very outgoing, very stupid, and very traumatized. Fucks majorly. Daecyne, sweet tiefling druid and Topaz’s good friend. Viosa, aasimar homebrew class I forget the name of, uses her small stature and allure to her advantage. Damur, half-orc eldritch knight, the party’s only braincell.

14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed.

Acarnya. My PC was Osfyr. Soraphine, traumatized halfling bard. Azalea, human fighter. Durzuell, haughty high elf sorcerer. James, nerdy half elf wizard. Drago, erratic Russian dragonborn monk. Kairon, slightly edgy ranger/paladin (but we love him). 

Nordenheim. My PC was Cap. I will admit: we only played 2 or 3 sessions, so I don’t really remember  most of the other party members except Rory, a fire genasi ranger who almost burned to death.

Silas v2 (hopefully will continue; I DMed): Kysseris IV. Half-elf paladin, uptight. Tower 1-6, warforged wizard who crawled out of the desert and is looking for info on how he was made. Mae “Pock”, gnome rogue, very small and  sweet. Josh, human trickery cleric, kind of an asshole, but in a way that’s funny and hasn’t bled over into IRL annoying.

[school] West Marches campaign (Ner): by the nature of West Marches, there was never a consistent party, but a few stood out to me. Red Foot, a hyperactive kobold sorcerer who’s level 8 against all West Marches odds. Lyra, Great Old One warlock of Tzee’Mhor, an abomination goat that a party I was in accidentally created. Fildo Baggins, divination wizard who can only affect allies whose toenail clippings he has in his vial.

15. Do you have snacks during game times?

Hell yeah babey!!! I mostly play digitally, especially during COVID, and I need something to munch after DMing for a while. Shit’s exhausting.

16. Do you play online or in person? Which do you prefer?

Welp! Online mostly, since everyone I want to play with has the audacity to live far away, and now exclusively online because of COVID.

17. What are some house rules that your group has?

Our Amnesia party is so rich that we just don’t keep track of money. In Kithan, a lot of rules that make characters less powerful are just… abolished (like the bonus action spell rule). (The DM likes super OP characters so she can throw SUPER OP monsters at us.  My character has a necklace that gives 5 additional uses of channel divinity.)

18. Does your party keep any pets?

Nope. No opportunities for them. Zize’s party has a little water snake on the druid’s arm but I doubt that will last very long.

19. Do you or your party have any dice superstitions?

Absolutely. Cursed dice get j a i l.

20. How did you get into D&D? How long have you been playing?

Acarnya got me into d&d, it was my first campaign, and it was happening at the place I lived. I’ve been playing almost 2 years. (Critical Role inspired me to DM)

21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done?

Not sent a fucking letter to say goodbye to their boyfriend before the world-fate-deciding bullshit that was gonna happen and possibly destroy shit. It was fine in the end though!

22. What color was your first dragon?

Red. Man, that guy sucked, he almost killed Osfyr. We were investigating a monastery secretly run by dragons disguised as humans.

23. Do you use premade modules or original campaigns?

Original campaigns. I’ve never run a module before! I’m not opposed, but most of my campaigns came from ideas  that I had. I’ve never been short on ideas for a game.

24. How much planning/preparation do you do for a game?

As a player, I just open my character sheet and get out dice. As a DM, I try and think about what material I want to get through this session, and write some narration and/or stat things out if I feel like it.

For DMs

25. What have your players done that you never could have planned for?

A lot of times, Inferno has rushed into battle from what I’d built as a stealth mission, and gotten her ass and sometimes the party’s asses kicked. I should really have learned by now.

26. What was your favorite scene to write and show your characters?

Definitely Saela’s resurrection ritual and vision.

27. Do you allow homebrew content?

Yes! I’ll check it first,  but I’m all for expanding the boundaries. I homebrew items and monsters all the time, why shouldn’t my payers get to homebrew their shit?

28. How often do you use NPCs in a party?

Too often in my first arc. I had like 7 NPCs running around at all times (they were Carmilla characters). Super not recommended. I have 0 right now.

29. Do you prefer RP heavy sessions or combat sessions?

I’m still finding my groove with RP as a DM. I like encouraging my players to RP amongst themselves. I consider myself fairly good at combat on both sides of the equation, DM and player, so that’s always fun to me, especially when my players enjoy it too.

30. Are your players diplomatic or murder hobos?

I have one actively reforming murder hobo player, the rest are diplomatic. (The character, Inferno, is having a great growth arc. I’m super proud.)

For Players

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race?

I fucking love genasi as a concept. Favorite class would have to be rogue or cleric, but gunslinger’s up there too.

32. What role do you like to play the most? (Tank/healer/etc?)

I  honestly don't have the patience to not play DPS. I love doing lots of damage. Healing is satisfying, support is satisfying, but there’s a reason I picked rogue twice and tempest cleric over other domains.

33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory?

Sometimes the backstory is part of the character concept– especially for Pointy, because I had the name first, then went hmm why would she have this name. Almost always, though, more backstory gets written during the campaign when I have an idea. Sometimes a character will act in a way I don’t expect, and it’s fun thinking of a justification to fill backstory gaps.

34. Do you tend to pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor?

Mostly  usefulness honestly. I’ll make choices among several for flavor, but I’m a big proponent of using mechanics to build character. What I mean is, think about Magnus in TAZ Balance– his protection fighting style contributed a lot to the way Travis played him as a protective person. I love that shit.

35. How much roleplay do you like to do?

I like to do a lot, but unfortunately my  energy is pretty down lately so I haven’t been doing as much.

#zize #pointy #cap #bly #osfyr #ner #vinny #topaz #dm thots #meta thots #asks #amnesia campaign #hotdq #horror campaign #wildemount campaign #silasverse #kithan

[portraitoftheoddity]

Infinity War Reaction Post:  [SPOILERS]

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AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, this hurt.

It hurt, but.... it wasn’t terrible? I was genuinely worried it would gut me AND be a massive shitty clusterfuck of a movie. And while it definitely had a lot of balls in the air, and it wasn’t perfect, it handled them I felt with a lot more grace than say, AOU. On the whole, it was a decent movie, which I am grateful for.

Loki. Auuuuugh. Pain. His face is haunting me.

I went into this a tiny bit spoiled just from the emotional reactions of other people who had been spoiled, so I was 100% ready for him to die. Am I bummed that it happened in the first ten minutes? Yes. But. My ‘best case scenario’ at that point was that he died being heroic and didn’t just join the Black Order and then get nerfed as punishment. Fandom’s ability to retcon character assassination is harder than its ability to retcon actual assassination. And there’s a LOT of avenue for fix-it fics.

I am.... weirdly glad that Loki’s jotun heritage at least gets called out, if not addressed. We never get anything real about it, but.... in his last moments, Loki acknowledges all of himself. He is Odinson. He is Jotun. He is of Asgard. None of these things are mutually exclusive. And he is willing to give his life to try to end Thanos and save Thor. That look he gives Thor when he’s getting ready to stab Thanos... he never believed he’d survive this. But he was going to try.

Seriously, Loki just-- first trying hard not to give Thanos the tesseract, then giving in in tears because Thor is being tortured and then WE HAVE A HULK. THAT FULL CIRCLE. AAAAHHHHHHHH. 

Thor’s pain crawling over to Loki’s body. MY HEART. I’m glad that Thor is actually mourning and his grief for Loki specifically is highlighted later, with Rocket, even after jokey banter happens. That Loki was the last thing Thor had left to lose kills me.

Even without spoilers, I kinda suspected Loki’s death would happen as a motivating force for Thor. And for all that, I am glad that Thor got a more emotionally-fueled arc than he did in Ragnarok. They let him have his humorous moments to keep some tonal continuity, but let his emotional moments breathe too.

Thor being mostly sure Loki is dead but in a bit of denial to hold out hope... 

NIDAVELLIR. FUCK. YEAH.

Seriously, we got more nine realms worldbuilding in IW than in Ragnarok.

Thor willing to die to hold open the aperture to make the ax, because at that point whether he lives or dies no longer matters

Thor being A GOD. The sheer badassery of his weapon BEING A BIFROST and then fucking LAYING WASTE to Thanos’ army. FFFFFUUUUUCCK ME.

“Sweet Rabbit”

Groot’s arm as the ax handle was a nice touch.

Rocket. Oh god. “I have a lot to lose” -- and then he does.

We all fucking called Rocket wanting Bucky’s arm but I’m glad we got it anyway.

Seriously, that Rocket & Bucky teamup moment.

Is it weird I found Proxima Midnight hot?

The Black Order were not really developed at all, but I’m pretty okay with that considering how much development Thanos got.

Honestly, I’m surprised by how much they fleshed him out? His motivation is a far cry from what it is in the comics, and that nerfs a lot of fic, but... It worked. It made him a lot more interesting. And more scary, I think, than a big evil purple caricature. I didn’t ask for this, but I appreciated it. 

(Of course, now I’m imagining Ebony Maw torturing Loki with those glass scalpel things...)

I liked Tony in this movie. I think putting him with characters more obnoxious than he is was a good choice -- In past Avengers movies, he’s been the immature, off the wall one, and putting him with Quill and Spidey suddenly forced him to be the Adult in the room and changed up his dynamic as a team member to do something new. 

The moment when Quill is talking about how his plan is better and Tony’s face just shuts down: I imagine he’s thinking-- “Is this what it feels like to be Cap? This is what it must feel like to be Cap. Fuck.”

Peter Parker is, of course, adorable. 

Is Avengers 4 gonna have the most depressing and awkward interstellar roadtrip ever as Nebula and Tony find their way back to earth?

Gamora giving up the location of the soul stone to save Nebula, and then Nebula realizing Gamora is dead, hurt me deep in my soul. 

Gamora. Ffffffff. Did not expect that. O_O

WANDA. WANDA WANDA WANDA WANDA. SHE IS SUCH A GODDAMN BADASS. SERIOUSLY. I am so glad they finally showed her as the fucking POWERHOUSE that she is. Holding off Proxima and Corvus on her own, and then later just fucking laying waste to so much of the alien army, and then SINGLEHANDEDLY holding Thanos off WHILE DESTROYING THE MIND STONE and breaking her own heart.

I actually even kinda cared about ScarletVision, which I didn’t think was possible?

Seriously, Wanda getting a major emotional arc. <3

Rhodey and Sam friendship and teamwork.

Rhodey basically telling Ross to go fuck himself.

Sam: “This is awkward.” (thank you for letting that be the end of BruceNat’s acknowledgement)

Shuri at Banner.

Bucky: “I love this place.”

M’Baku being there and calling T’Challa ‘brother.’ <3

“Wong, you’re invited to my wedding.”

After he spent a lot of Ragnarok as Hulk, I appreciate that Bruce spent pretty much the whole movie as Bruce for once?

“You’re embarassing me in front of the wizards!”

NATASHA & OKOYE TEAM UP I AM FUCKING LIVINGGGGGG

STEVE. Steve being gorgeous and stoic and good and sad. Steve facing off against Thanos and STEEEEEEEEVE.

I am actually amazed Steve made it through; I was so braced for him to die. But then-- fuck. When Bucky collapses into ash. I gasped out loud. 

Steve falling to his knees with that utterly lost look on his face in Bucky’s ashes. I AM REALLY WORRIED THEY BROKE HIM. 

SAAAAAAAAAM.

Okoye’s face. *sobs*

Wanda’s look of relief when she goes to ash. 

Thor being SO CLOSE. SO CLOSE TO STOPPING IT. The guuuuuiiiilt he has to feel of not being enough to save anyone. 

Okay, so, obviously everyone who got ashed is gonna come back. They killed Peter and T’Challa, and those are golden goddamn geese for Marvel. They’re gonna wanna make a Black Panther 2 and another Spider-man, so we’re getting them back.

(still hurts)

Strange gave up the time stone for a reason. There’s definitely gonna be some time-traveling/reality warping plan here.

I’m curious to see just how much gets “undone” past Thanos’ final act there. I know there’s speculation that anyone who was killed directly and not ashed will stay dead (Gamora, Heimdall, Loki), but I’m not sure Marvel will let Thor suffer that much, where EVERYONE else gets someone back except for him. Resetting reality gives them an opportunity to undo the destruction of Asgard, and get back all those characters and that setting for future franchise opportunities -- especially since Ragnarok made a fuckload of money and Hemsworth would be willing to return. 

If they don’t bring Loki back, fuck it, fandom will. OVER AND OVER.

WHERE WAS CLINT???? 

I get not bringing Scott in since he has his own movie coming up which is probably set pre-Infinity War. But COME ON, MARVEL. You left us with 5 of the 6 founding avengers alive at the end but no Clint anywhere?

He had better be like, the main character of Avengers 4.

Oh shit-- what if his whole family got ashed??? What if that’s his reason for going all Ronin in Avengers 4??????

There is a plot point that I am really fucking angry about because it fucks with a fic I’m writing. I can’t say which plot point though. But I have had it plotted out since fucking 2015 so fuck. that. I’m doing it. 

CAPTAIN FUCKING MARVEL. (I may have shouted out loud in the theater.)

CAROL, COME FIX EVERYTHING.

Carol Danvers shows up 20 years late with starbucks, punches Thanos into the sun, takes the gauntlet, fixes the universe, then goes out for burgers with Monica Rambeau because punching someone into the sun works up an appetite.

Overall, I have a lot of feelings. There were a lot of things the movie did really well and a lot of things I absolute loved. I am also absolutely gutted. But I am trying to have faith that a lot will be fixed in Avengers 4 -- and if not, it WILL be fixed by fandom. Loki dying is pain pain pain, but it doesn’t destroy his character, and doesn’t destroy fandom’s love of him and his story, or all the other stories we’ll still come up with. A certain amount of status quo will be restored, I’m sure. And fandom is forever. 

#infinity war spoilers #iw spoilers #lena has thoughts #infinity war #reaction post

[alirhi]

I just want this done 😭

When I was 15, I started RPing with my friends over AIM. Usually we'd only stick with a particular story or set of characters (always original work; I wasn't much into fanfiction back then, though I'd started a few that never went far lol) for a session or two and then move on, but I had this one friend - we'll call her T - who had one character with a really rich, interesting backstory. We stuck with him and the boy I'd created to pair with him and just kept developing this story over several months.

My character, Zephan, ended up getting sidelined by another, much more interesting character who got added later, Kieran. And the first incarnation of what would eventually become the Crossroads series was born.

This is a really long rant, so I'll be nice and put the rest under a cut.

I have no fucking idea why T wrote with me, tbh. She was in her 20s. I was 15 and really annoying, and really bad at writing. 😂 I look back over that early material (and my ooc ramblings) and I want to die. Or reach back through time and slap that kid lmao. But anyway, for some reason this grown-ass lady put up with me, and my barf-inducing fawning over her character, and out of all that truly fucking awful writing, a pretty great idea came about.

I wasn't going to get into this, but then I realized context kind of matter lmao so here's a (hopefully) quick rundown on Crossroads 1.0:

Zephan is a bi cutie who meets a really hot guy, they hit it off right away (no insta-love, so at least I had that going for me lol) and start dating. They both have secret traumatic pasts neither is ready to reveal to the other, but of course, they come back to bite them in their respective asses. Zephan starts acting really strange; not moody so much as literally his entire personality changes. Eventually he learns that when he was a baby, he was possessed by this dying creature who needed a body - Kieran. And part of Zephan's trauma is actually linked to a monster from Kieran's past tracking him down. Kieran was weakened by the shit that almost killed him, so once he was safe in a new body, he kinda just went to sleep for 20 years. But then he started waking up and taking control of the body, which Zeph's not too happy about. They fight for dominance, hurting Zephan's bf in the process (emotionally lol not physically), and bf fucks off to a scary place from his past while Zephan and Kieran go to Kieran's home world to try to sort some shit out. It doesn't work. Eventually, they do figure something out with the help of one of Zeph's best friends, Leyna, who happens to be a super powerful witch. She splits them and gives Kieran a new body, he goes home to face his monsters, Zeph tries to find his bf... the whole thing was left unresolved because T and I drifted apart and I haven't spoken to her in like 17 years lol

in the meantime, I met a new bud. We'll call this one A. Me and A? IRL insta-love, yo! Not the romantic kind, but definitely BFFs from the second she first spoke to me. It's been a roller coaster since then lol. She's still very much in my life (is my unofficial sister) but our friendship has been nothing but drama the whole damn time. Not all of it was rl drama, though! A became my new RP partner! and guys, back in the day? This girl had some good ideas!

I can't remember anymore who was responsible for what. We spent years talking about this story... and not doing much else with it tbh. I got a little writing done here and there, but was hampered by all the rl fights and her flaking constantly, and when the drama got bad enough that we "stopped being friends" (every few weeks in high school lmao and a few times in our 20s), I had to go back and rewrite everything to get her contributions out of there.

It wasn't called Crossroads yet, btw. Until around 2012-ish, it was just this one story line - Achlais (T's suggested name for Kieran's world. I later learned that it's apparently Gaelic for "armpit" and was like "fuck that" XD but I loved the sound of it. so my friend - we'll call this one S - did some digging and found this really cool Greek deity Achlys and we were both like "yeah, that works." So...yeah. story was just Achlais/Achlys)

Achlais centered around Kieran and his struggles. Zephan became a footnote in this much more interesting character's journey. See, Kieran was born of trauma; he's a rape baby and the first thing he saw in the world was his mother being killed for having him. Never mind the fact that the man who killed her was his father and her rapist. Always blame the women, amirite? The cool thing is, though, daddy fucked himself over big time. Kieran was his first child, and by the very strict laws of their world (not Achlais; Kieran was born on a different world, called Takaldor, and then banished to Achlais) is the only legitimate heir to the throne. Oh, yeah. Daddy's King of Takalador. And mom? Mom's human, but she's also a Queen of another world in her own right. So enter leetle Kieran, heir to two thrones and shipped off to a third world and left to die. His body does, but his soul's too strong, so he body-hops for a while. Finds stillborn babies (no soul to fight him) and takes their bodies. Kieran gets to live, parents get to raise their child instead of mourning them. They never know their kiddo is actually just the vessel for a half-demon magical parasite lol.

It's in his last host body before Zephan that Kieran gets his name (mom was killed before naming him; he eventually found a host with a name he liked and kept it)... and also the bulk of his trauma. woo lol. He's kidnapped by the main villain, Kanaye (I was obsessed with A and K names in my teens. this story was rife with them until I painstakingly went through and changed as many as I could over the past few years), kept as a slave, bad things happen to him that I won't go into detail on because I forgot to put a trigger warning in the beginning. 😅 But just... really, really bad, traumatic shit. And even though his mind is fully grown at this point, his host body is a child (5ish when kidnapped, 7ish when Very Bad Stuff starts, 15 or so when he escapes. ...oh yeah, spoiler alert XD Kieran escapes). I had this policy that I still sometimes have trouble shaking off: I was never satisfied with my writing until it made me cringe (from ick factor, not from lack of quality lol. unfortunately, I have a very strong stomach and my tolerance for ick only grew as my writing got more icky lmao so... yeah. that snowballed.)

While in captivity/slavery, Kieran meets a girl also enslaved to Kanaye, named Amara (see? A and K names 🙄) and falls in love with her. He escapes, joins a gang (don't ask 😂 I'm trying to keep this as bare-bones as possible because there are a lot more stories than just this one in Crossroads), eventually when he thinks he's strong enough to take on this crazy demon wizard, he goes back to rescue Amara. he fails completely, Amara is mortally wounded, Kieran's host is killed, and Amara uses the last of her strength (she's magical af and that's why Kanaye kept her around) to push his soul to Earth. The whole thing with Zephan happens, just with a different bf who opens up this whole awesome subplot having to do with one of Achlais's moons. Anyway, when Kieran gets his own body back, he goes back to Achlais (where his enemy has literally taken over the world) and leads a war against Kanaye. Then he stands against his father to avenge his mother, and eventually becomes King of Takalador. unfortunately, it's a super ultra over-the-top racist world so they hate him for being half human, and there's like civil war and shit. fun stuff. Also, his mother is brought back from the dead lmao. There was stuff with different types of dragons, a whole slew of fantasy species and magic and y'all I have been building this world since I was 14 (yes, before the RP that kicked off the main plot. I had the world before I had characters or plot)

I would love nothing more than to go into excruciating detail about the worlds and their canon history and that awesome moon subplot and everything, but... I mean, look how long this already is, and I haven't even touched on the other stories yet lmao

The first non-Achlais/Achlys story to get linked to it was A's and my amazing (if I do say so myself lol) retelling of the war between the Biblical Heaven and Hell. It's told from the perspective of the First Fallen, and reframes the entire thing. Adonai (God, if you didn't know his name) is a psychotic fuckwit, there's an oft-repeated saying that no man is made more in His image than his Catholic priests, and Lucifer and his followers didn't fight for the throne or because they hated humans or whatever. that was all propaganda. They fought for their freedom, and they won. As part of the treaty that finally ended the bloodshed, they were given Hell but with the caveat that they have to torture the souls of evildoers. Kay, fine. They got a level for that lol. They finally have a home! They're safe from Adonai!

Until he breaks the treaty himself, determined to have his favorite pet back, and kidnaps Lucifer. His eldest daughter (a general who helped lead the first war) invades Heaven to get him back and a second war breaks out. The rescue attempt is ultimately successful, but Luci's just about fucking had it. There are all these rumors that Adonai can be killed, but because he created all things, kill him and reality unravels. Lucifer gives zero fucks. He's willing to put it to the test. Turns out is exaggerated... but pretty much true. The reality he created - Heaven and Hell - does depend on him being there and, y'know, alive lol. and so it all collapses when Luci kills him. The few survivors become refugees and they end up on - you guessed it! - Achlys!

There's also this whole other realm we created with our own made up Gods and Goddesses, that also comes into play and has its own story arc, but we'll get back to that. Just remember that the main Godly place is called Valdell.

Next we have the one I'm struggling with most rn, DJ's story. DJ is the oldest OC of mine in the entire Crossroads series. I made him up when I was 13/14. Originally, he was supposed to sort of blend into the background; he was just the bestie of the one I'd intended to focus on, Kali. but Kali's kind of a fuckhead and DJ was much more fun lol. They're both still in play, and still besties, but DJ is the main and Kali's just kinda there XD

Oh, DJ Gallagher, how I love thee, let me count the ways... On the surface, his story doesn't seem at all connected to the rest of the Crossroads universe (unless you're eagle-eyed and notice little Easter eggs here and there). There's no magic, it takes place entirely on Earth (in my hometown in the 90s, specifically lol)... doesn't seem to have much to do with this epic fantasy adventure. but oh, it does. DJ's got quite the future ahead of him... or did, when A was supposed to be writing this with me.

You know what? DJ's getting his own post. He deserves the attention lol. Just know that I love this boy, and his story is the part of this series giving me the most grief right now in my attempts to rewrite yet again to get all of A's crap out of the way.

Claddagh - Rebecca's story that I posted a bunch of snippets from a few days ago - is the next road added to Crossroads. What's her connection to all this? Well, in addition to her meeting Lucifer and his daughter/General Haliel, you learn that she is actually Rachel's (Kieran's mom) little sister. She's also the final piece of the puzzle at the end, in the one book that ties all of these stories together. Thankfully, despite many attempts to get her to, A never even tried to look like she was helping with this one. S was, back when we were friends, but she ghosted me in 2015, so I wrote her character out, replaced her with Fiona, and got a much better plot out of the deal, so that worked out lol. Thanks for being a bitch, S!

There are smaller parts, as well (Claddagh's planned to be a pretty long series, and so was Achlys when A was involved) - Dying Breed, in which Johanna's mother is abducted and skeptical, cynical Jo is forced to see a world of magic that her mom had been trying to show her (and protect her from) all her life; Annwn, where we're shown that Jo's mom actually knew a boy from DJ's story, Ice, and begs him to take on this insane quest that only gets crazier once he's actually on it; and the Winter trilogy, which genuinely started out as a joke, but my friends liked what I had, so I decided to keep it. That one's... it's different. XD it's a "reverse harem" story that gets pretty squicky. I'm not entirely sure how much of my original plan to keep. A never had a hand in any of this (though a mutual friend of ours, L, was briefly trying to help me with Dying Breed before she had to bow out) but just because it didn't come from our 2 AM spazz sessions doesn't mean all the ideas are good lol.

And then there's Heart and Seoul, which is actually a really long fanfic we wrote 11 years ago. We never finished it (almost, though) but it got popular for a while, so we decided to convert it to an original and, due to references mainly in DJ's story, it became connected to Crossroads. I was actually very happy to cut that lol. It's A's baby so I feel a little bad for saying this, but... I never loved that story as much as she did. It was fun for a while, but I'm so over it.

Valdell had its own trilogy planned, at first, too, but it was kind of just more of the same tired crap that one comes to expect from A - mpreg for the hell of it and a "doomed" romance. meh. On their own, they're not bad story elements if done right, but when it's literally every goddamn story she comes up with, it gets old real quick.

So that was Crossroads 2.0 - it went through many stages and rewrites, but that's the basic gist. We had this whole interconnected Whedonverse concept, and an MCU Phase 1, 2, 3 thing going on (Phase 2 was kicked off by one of the Valdell Gods getting fed up with all the mortals' bumbling and erasing all of existence except his home and the other Gods. his wife flipped shit until he remade it. DJ was brought back as a girl. wife was like "fucking really? are you kidding me?" so he rolled his eyes and fixed it, and DJ got a Phase 3. also, Lucifer got 3 phases because of some shit with the whole killing Addie thing and a boy named Cole...)

It got...complicated, to say the least. Convoluted is probably more accurate. So when I made the decision to cut A out once and for all instead of spending my life in limbo waiting for her to suddenly become reliable, I cut like... that whole MCU concept. I also cut out a lot of what happened in Achlys, and around 20 planned books got cut down to 5. and the whole struggle with DJ... character arcs that I loved are gone, that whole awesome subplot I mentioned in Achlys? gone. which means I have to rewrite shit all the way back to the first book, because it was an underlying mystery that persisted through the whole series!

A lot of stuff, I cut because it was just bad. Whether it came from her brain or mine, or this weird hive mind thing we have going on when we're overtired, doesn't matter. It was bad. Some stuff was great, but I cut it because it was either her idea initially (she used to be so creative before she dug herself a little rut and decided it was comfy and dis is home nao) or tied into her ideas and characters too tightly. I couldn't cut her Achlys characters, for instance, without cutting that mystery subplot even though the mystery was 100% my idea, because we'd worked together on building the shit necessary for it to exist, and solving it for the reader hinged on A's characters in the Zephan chunk of the story. and none of that is there anymore. Zephan's not a part of this at all. That whole story line is gone.

Unfortunately, erasing the Zeph part also erases Leyna and her brother Lucian, and Lucian appears in DJ's story and that was a clever little tie-in before, but now it's just... a random boy who appears for one scene and is mentioned once or twice, and that's it.

So it's been a struggle, to say the least. I don't know if I should stick to my guns and keep this new, much shorter Crossroads 3.0, or rework it one more time to keep these elements I loved...somehow. ugh.

fml.

#writer problems #crossroads #crossroads series #creativity #sometimes i have it #sometimes not so much lol #kill me #i wish i could just #snap my fingers and it's done #y'know? #halp #if any of this even made sense #any ideas? #i'm listening #long post #extremely long post #you've been warned

[e8luhs]

could you give an explanation behind the choices of the cataclysmal's god tiers? like, why is crylus prince of mind and why is vergas bard of light?

oh i can try! this is actually going into like… the olden times when i was originally plotting out cb to be a 12 person session. also obviously dont quote me i love classpects but i SUCK at describing how i view them. also im always inch rested in other people speculations on the characters and stuff too so if anyone has like Alt Godtier Suggestions… im always up for listening

also under a cut this is super lengthy im so sorry. im kind of talking out my ass here

rivian is a witch of void (i think her being a witch is kind of obv i played up on her being into wizards like so fucking much) which is essentially like.. rebelling against and manipulating your aspect so shes essentially rebelling against/manipulating void (meaninglessness irrelevance secrets indifference nothingness). this one i cant get into too much because its pretty spoilery but when i think about rivians character arc and the stuff she goes through/how she comes to terms and stuff like… i think its pretty fitting! she brings a lot of things to light and learns to stop ignoring stuff/pretending to be indifferent etc. guess we will have to wait and see though!

lyreni is a sylph of time! originally she was a sylph of mind because her prototype was a sylph of mind… and alot of the like, “having alot of opinions on morality and justice” stuff derives from that. however now shes a lot more music theme cuz of time! she essentially Heals Time (literally just TIME as a whole obviously, but also ambiguity inevitability endings and patience) and again this is sort of plot spoilery too so i cant get into it but like.. i also think its fairly fitting for her. shes kind of like a stereotypical sylph… a meddlesome mom friend trying to keep everything in line, and shes always very punctual with shittons of schedules and also tries helping everyone else with that stuff too

kapreo is a rogue of rage this entire fucking explanation would be a huge ass plot spoiler OOPS SORRY. i cant get into it too much but rogue is about coming to terms with your aspect and rage is about. well. obviously rage but also defiance boundaries skepticism and other negative emotions. we just have to wait and see…………. ;) also kapreo deep down does kind of fit a stereotypical rogue! they arent exactly energetic but theyre very kind hearted and enthusiastic and love their friends alot… theyre just really shy and have a hard time expressing it

sebran is a knight of space and its very fucking obvious hes a knight too. originally sebran was actually made because i was like “well shit i need a space player!” and id say he does being a space player justice? knights (in my opinion) ghost their aspect to hide their insecurities within their own classpect and learn to exploit their aspect. so essentially he puts up the front of acting like a time player because hes insecure of his abilities with the space aspect (creation, randomness, variation, art, and also LITERAL space both outerspace and like, Space. yknow what i mean). sebran really doesnt feel like he has any sort of talent at all and mostly does things as he feels/on the fly but hes always comparing himself to others and doesnt give himself the breathing room to make mistakes in like pretty much anything but… in his arc he learns alot is the thing! i also cant get into it here

crylus was originally planned to be kind of a dick actually believe it or not. i dont really remember exactly how but he was kind of more selfcentered and like. puts his feelings and emotions above others and stuff.. but after i cut off the other 7 trolls (at the time) and with rounding him out and working on his character i realized hes really just a fucking wholesome chaotic good boy who lets his emotions get the best of him sometimes and thats just how it be. i think prince of mind is fitting because like even if hes not the stereotypical prince per se he still destroys mind (logic rationality apathy thought) for himself and sometimes for others too! crylus is a very emotionally intense person to be around and is the type where when hes passionate about something you can really FEEL it in yourself too. ALSO LIKE OBVIOUSLY AGAIN PLOT SPOILER STUFF HAPPENS AND HE GROWS AND ETC YOULL SEE MORE SOON!

vergas is no longer a bard of light hes a bard of blood. ORIGINALLY when i was making cb i already had a prince (crylus) and a void player (rivian) but i was kind of planning for vergas to be a light player anyways w the whole tarot shtick and the fact that vergas is actually fairly superstitious. bard of light didnt really fit that though? (bards ghost their opposite aspect. vergas in no way ghosted void) however he did destroy through his aspect pretty well it just wasnt… passive. the cb discord got onto the topic of godtiers and thats when bard of blood vergas was brought up which imo fits his PERSONALITY like… a lot better. ghosts breath (apathy freedom independence), destroys people through blood (relationships bonds unity). also most of that shit fits into other peoples arcs as well

HOPE THAT ALL HELPS W INSIGHT AS TO WHY I CHOSE EVERYTHING…. these classpects are all very old (except for um bard of blood obvi thats a very recent change) so the characters are very different now vs when i chose them but id hope theyre still fitting

#ask #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #IM SO BAD AT EXPLAINING STUFF SORRY