#also I haven’t taken my meds in a week bc I have to have a med review | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

apollos-boyfriend · 1 month

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Currently in cinema class but i also wanted to know more about clockwork, she seems very interesting in what you wrote her relations as! (And shes been a favorite of mine for a long time lol)

Also once tim convinces her to take the infection george clock out of her eye socket, what do you think she'd do with it?

i’ve made a FEW posts about my version of clockwork [1] [2] [3] but there is never enough to talk about with her. she’s become a very central character which i think is fun bc i was never Too too much into her back in the day! finally giving her the attention she deserves

i have her as being one of, if not the, last people to arrive at the mansion, so by the time she gets there, everyone’s had a while to calm down and get to know each other. and natalie doesn’t arrive in the best state, having only been about a week after the events of her origin. she’s just recently snapped and she’s scared and angry and hostile. and her arrival is a different vibe than most, because for a lot of them, their origins weren’t personal. not to her extent.

jeff killed his family, but he was so pumped with pain meds he can hardly remember it. their deaths weren’t personal, he would’ve killed anyone around him at the time. nina’s origin was similar, with the exception of her bullies, who she doesn’t even think about anymore. theirs were Necessities. jack has no memories of his life before the incident, and his initial struggles were more with what he’d become than what he’d done. ben’s arrival is the closest, as he was struggling heavily with having his own body and autonomy again, but he leaned more heavily on needing control than anything else.

but natalie’s still so hurt and still so angry. she felt better for a short while directly after her incident, but that rush had left her by the time slender took her in. she’d taken care of the people who’d hurt her. she couldn’t understand why she still felt so helpless, so hurt. she lashes out and projects her unresolved issues onto the other residents—her medical trauma onto jack, her brotherly trauma onto jeff/ben and sally/nina. she never got the proper conclusion/resolution she thought she would by killing her family, so she attempts to find that in the mansion, which manifests in her lashing out. i said it somewhere before but she’s more just a scared animal. she doesn’t know why she bites, necessarily, just that she’s always had to to survive. her backstory just works really well with the other members and out of anyone i think she’s the one that needs the most healing TBH

as for what happens to her watch, i haven’t actually thought about it! i think the most logical and narratively rewarding solution would be for her to throw it away. to fully leave behind that aspect of her life and start anew, no longer fueled by anger and the need for revenge. but i think she doesn’t get there instantly. the mansion’s full of fucked-up keepsakes (jeff has a knife collection from victim’s houses, jack has his handful of preserved organs, etc) so it isn’t seen as weird for her to keep it. it makes sense, it’s sentimental, after all. i think she gets nina’s help and makes a necklace out of it (after jack thoroughly disinfects the thing. like by god girl) until she heals enough to fully leave that time behind her

#muse talk #spitesprite #creepyposting #woah this got long 💀#she’s become. kind of a central point #her backstory aligns with a lot of the mansion super well to create tension #which is good! it’s needed!#considering i wrapped up most of it pretty quickly (like with jane and jeff)#she ends up becoming very close with nina and jack #it’s nice to have a normal surgery that doesn’t fuck you up for life

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girlvinland · 4 months

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It’s been about a week since I started new med, and it’s been interesting so far? It’s newish in general and another SSRI, which I was nervous about starting again, but so far I feel like it’s been…good? I’m still on a very low dose to ease into it and I feel slightly more chill or like it’s taken the edge off of things a little bit. But then also it’s had a couple of side effects that are irritating. It ends up making me kind of nauseous for a bit each day (was warned about that being really common) and it’s just like decimated my appetite, which has already been bad tbh bc I’ve just having a hard time eating due to emotional stuff. But now it’s just so gone and it feels like I can’t finish food even when I try, so idk. It does concern me a little so I guess I’ll end up bringing it up next time. I donno. I don’t not like the med bc I do think it’s helping, but I kind of wish I actually felt like eating. I haven’t really noticed a difference with some of the other things I was worried about (like not feeling as creative/inspired or libido stuff), so I guess so far that’s a plus?

#by bug #medicine #putting under cut just for talk about eating

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devilscastle69 · 6 months

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im really just watching my body mind and soul decay in real time huh. i hate the drugs im on rn I hate them I hate them im going actually crazy rn I started sobbing bc I was like I have no food but I just spent 200 on groceries yesterday so idk how that even makes sense like wdym. And it’s easy to make. Im like bouncing off the walls but moving is like exhausting and my job is lots of moving so I reached my limit and I can’t work out to get rid of it bc if I go up the stairs too fast I wheeze and like am in pain and idk what to do honestly I was like let’s sing and play uke or guitar and that hurts let’s do this I can’t. I’m so tired of watching tv. It’s like day 23 of this and I’m terrible and sad and like am not functioning and Ik I’m not but I’m doing enough at least at my job but nowhere else and like that’s at least a W but that’s my one W. Like hahahahaa I’ve taken so many Ls I’ve fucked so much up already and also have not and nothing actually makes sense anymore it’s like that funny feeling like Ik these meds are making me better but they’re making me so much worse at the same time I just want to sleep I want to cook and eat and like work was everything and I don’t have much this week and I can’t relax and I’m like haha what if I’m actually dying tho!!!! What if I’m dying like. This isn’t normal for me and idk if it’s worse in my head bc I’m crazy or if like I’m actually declining or if this is gonna mutate into something worse again and I’ll just never get better idk. Maybe my immune system is forever fucked. Idk how ppl who go thru so much worse get thru. Like idk if my life is actually ending ig it’s yolo balls to the walls idk like did I even ever live. A kid asked me about my bucket list today and it’s like oh id like to travel and luckily they had a lot they wanted to do so I didn’t have to talk bc I don’t know. So why don’t I actually do it instead of waiting to die idk :) but idk I want to hold hands in front of a Christmas tree I want to shop for gifts for our families with my friends I want to celebrate something I want to be free I want to meet the friends I still haven’t seen irl i want to dance at a club again I want to learn guitar better and ukulele. I want to see myself grow into someone I can love and I’m so scared I’ll never get there rn I’m so dramatic but it feels so real and lonely I’m tired of going to the doctor and finding new things wrong. Limerence sounds like such a pretty word and it’s not a pretty feeling and it’s like so familiar and painful and it makes me feel so evil and cruel and I just want to be better and not sick inside and out

#vent #not snz #tw mental illness #illness tw

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ploffskinpluffskin · 1 year

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i could really use maybe like. some advice or something like it ghfhieo i wanted to talk to my mom tonight but as per usual she and her boyfriend got in some kind of argument so now she’s not in the mood to talk orz

it’s related to mental health services, just fyi. also mention of grandparent death

so i’ve been going to the same free mental health clinic now for. hghghg probably almost ten years or so. and i like them a lot-- i’ve joked before to my mom (and on here maybe??? i can’t remember atm) that if i ever became a millionaire they’d be first on my list of Things To Throw My Money At bc they have so consistently been such a bright spot when things were bad ;o;

but now things Aren’t That. i haven’t taken my meds in months and i still feel great. what used to feel Insurmountable when it popped into my path is now just not a big deal

i have an appt with their psychiatrist coming up next week, and i’ve been considering trying to transition out of their care. i’m not leaving all mental health services behind-- i’d like to find a therapist i really like and start seeing them, bc i really feel that at the stage i am rn, i’d really benefit from talking to someone

but i’m hesitant to do so, bc my grandfather’s health seems to be deteriorating relatively quickly, and idk if now really is The Time

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antag0nisms · 2 years

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after therapy thoughts, 5/9/22

(i’m writing this the day after (on 5/10), but that doesn’t matter lol)

so... honestly, i don’t know. that was definitely the most unique first session i’ve had.

it started out normally -- she asked me basic questions about my and my family’s health history, questions about why i made an appointment, etc. it felt a little awkward due to lag, but that wasn’t that big of a deal.

i wasn’t 100% in love with her attitude, though. she just seemed kind of brisk and clinical. and she really didn’t look at the camera much. which is okay... but it makes it even harder to focus when it’s virtual. like i couldn’t get a read on her, which is already hard enough to do when you’re not in person. (this will also be relevant for reasons later.)

but the main thing was, she asked me, “so the eating thing was the first thing, then?” she asked me variations of this question a couple of times, and each time, i was like yeah, that was the first “issue” that showed itself. (which it was. like i can look back now and see that there were gender-related issues earlier than that, but the first issue that came up that i consciously recognized as a serious problem was the eat//ing dis//order.)

i wasn’t really sure why she seemed insistent on trying to get that down until she started to tell me about this ed specific clinic in the area. and she was explaining how her background is mainly in substance abuse & addiction, (which -- not sure why i got paired up with her in the first place then, lol. at no point during any intake conversations did i indicate i wanted help with substance abuse issues.) and so she wasn’t sure how much she could help me, basically.

and so on the one hand, i get it. if she’s not equipped to really treat ed’s, then that’s fine, i should see someone who is. but on the other hand... it feels weird to me that she singled that out so quickly?? like, she knows basically nothing really about my history, and so for me to basically just tell her “i had issues with disordered eating before i had issues with depression and anxiety,” it seems really odd to me that she would then feel confident in zeroing in on that and saying that that’s probably the real, underlying issue.

and i keep wondering, though, is she right? she might be. like, if really what we mean is that my original issues are with my body... then i think that’s correct.

like it’s true that soooooo much of my mental space is taken up by constantly worrying about my body, like my weight, my size, etc. i spend sooo much time thinking about my body and about food. i feel badly about myself regardless of what i eat, and i feel guilty about any and all physical pleasures. i feel ugly and disgusting because of my body literally all the time. it’s like, whenever i look at myself in the mirror and i don’t look absolutely horrific and disgusting, i’m always kind of surprised.

and when it comes to my behaviors, it’s true that they’ve been out of wack, even if i’m not being crazy about it rn. like no, i haven’t p//urged in a minute, but that’s mostly because i haven’t been full enough to want to in weeks. like, i’m not eating enough generally, i know i’m not, but i’m fine with that. like not fine, not really, but it’s like it’s always a plus to me if i just naturally want to eat less. like, it’s weird, i’ve reached this space lately where i’m able to just not prioritize eating like i used to have to. idk if it’s the new meds or the weed or bc i’m older now, but i can go like all day without eating and think i’m fine and get stuff done and like idk.

like i know i’m kind of in an unhealthy place with this atm, like moreso than it’s been for a while, bc i feel like i’m an unhealthier place with most stuff atm. (hence why i know i need therapy, lol...)

but even if it’s not true, i think partly i was taken aback bc it’s felt like okay, i’m going to this person for help... and she shut me down and refused to help me and even outright rejected me. it feels like she wants to pass me off onto someone else bc she’s like overwhelmed by all the other clients she has or something.

and it’s like... ughhh why can’t this just be easy?? why can’t it just be simple or easy to find a therapist and get help?? like why does this have to be as hard as possible, where i’m just making appointments and phone calls forever and nothing works out??

but honestly i think part of it too, like a really big part, is that the idea of going to an ed specific treatment place really scares me. partly because i’ve never gotten “bad” enough that i had to get treatment before (like i’ve never been hospitalized) and so i always feel that i’m faking this or making it into a bigger problem than it actually is. like oh, i don’t actually have an ea///ting di////sorder, i’m just faking it for attention sort of thing. but it’s funny bc that does directly contradict what i was saying earlier about how food and my body are constant stressors in my life (like to the point that i don’t consciously register them as stressors a lot of the time, or i don’t realize how abnormal my behavior or thought patterns are), so idk lmfao.

but like yeah, i also don’t “look” like i have an ed, like i’m not super skinny or anything. obviously ppl with eds have every body type, but it’s just like something i’m self conscious about, like again that people are going to think i’m faking....

i did like though that it looks like at least some of the locations for this place have treatment teams & therapists & group therapy that’s just for lgbtq people, and honestly i think that would be amazing, like i think being with only other lgbtq people during the recovery experience would make it like 500x easier, lol.

but anyway all that’s assuming a lot... bc the therapist said this place was a town over, but it’s like actually all the way at the other end of the state, like an hour away from me lmfaooo. like i’d be fine doing teletherapy, that’s what i’ve been doing since march 2020 and it’s fine, but that’s assuming that’s even an offering. if i had to, though, i mean yeah, i’d drive that distance every week or even multiple times a week, if i had to. like ,.... what else am i doing, anyway. and again, the chance to be among community... idk what distance it is, lmao.

but again, that’s assuming this location even offers those programs or has appointments available and/or takes my insurance.. so ughhh idk. and also i’ll have to explain all this to my mom and that’s complicated bc i don’t think she even knows how much the ed stuff is an issue. but whatever ig... i’ll just try and see how it goes.

#journal

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pxrxmoore · 4 years

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˓˓ก₍⸍⸌̣ʷ̣̫⸍̣⸌₎ค˒˒

#good morning!! 🥰#started forgetting to take my meds in the morning #(even tho its been like 4.5 weeks and should deff be a habit by now lmao why is my brain like this)#so i decided to set a reminder on my phone and the reminder came up today for the first time #and i went to clear the notif before i realised i hadnt actually taken the meds yet 😌#slightly defeating the point of the whole reminder tbqh so we’ll see how well this works out for me 😌👌#anyway! woke up with hufwulf in my head and i feel like i haven’t listened to it in a while so guess I’ll have that on repeat today #smh is this gonna be the only song on the album I’ll actually be able to listen to more than once ajdjkrkerk #the others sound so heavy like am concerned about this weeks #rly not sure where i was going w this but the emoji is fuckin cute right ansjdikd #just gonna post adorable emojis for u all and then write a high school diary entry in the tags for ur entertainment 😌#ooh update on the kitten! unfortunately not any avail in our local area to adopt so the search continues 😔#also Luce helped me to change my phone settings 👵🏼#so tht when u tap the back it takes a screenshot and it’s super sensitive so I’ve taken about 80284839 screenshots by accident #I was so tempted to start sending them to Luce every time I take one on accident but so far I have spared her tht qualm 😌#also bc it would legit be every 10 minutes ajxjfidkfjkd #lol if u read all of this u go pal #have a great day!!#love ya xoxo beth

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pepprs · 3 years

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ok not that i have to make an update but update. i did not have my root canal bc i told them i was feverish and they were like 😬 even tho i made it clear it wasn’t covid which like props to them i guess bc it shows how strict they are taking it. so i rescheduled it for another few weeks from now and during the time i would’ve had it i went to an emergency clinic and it turns out i have TWO kinds of ear infections at once and the ear drops i was prescribed we actually making me worse so now i am taking a digestible antibiotic and also this funny thing called “””””ibuprofen””””” that ive seen so many joke tumblr posts abt but haven’t taken for maybe like 15 yrs and i am finally at about a level 2-3 in terms of pain / discomfort instead of a 8-10 like i was last night and this morning lol. anyways i came back home took the meds passed out on the couch and slept like a rock for a couple hrs and I just woke up to my profs and colleagues writing nice and reassuring things to me abt understanding my situation and im too groggy and nauseous (from the ibuprofen lol) to reply rn. so everything is like awesome i suppose.

#purrs #ask to tag #damn. ok actually uhhhhh tummy hurted 😐

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vesta-writing · 3 years

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09.23.21

Hey, It’s Vesta,

I know I haven’t been posting regularly, and its mostly because I’ve been so busy with medical things and starting new medications and how frequently I’m having exams (I have 4 in the next week and a half). The other part is because I haven’t known what to post. after these four exams I’ll probably be posting more regularly, and I’ll be able to bulk up my queue to last me a bit.

Here’s a few life update ^_^

1. I started meds for bipolar and to help me sleep better! This one is a bit difficult for me, because I have a hard time with taking medications in general, especially things that need to be taken frequently.

2. I’m seeing a psychiatrist every other week. My psych is honestly amazing. She is helping me deal with my anxiety a bit better, and I she’s keeping an eye on how I’m doing with the current meds before trying to start me on anxiety medication.

3. I have a boyfriend! He’s really nice to me, and we’re going on an apple picking date tomorrow. I feel a little bad about it, because it’s 45 minutes away and I was the person who suggested it, so I’m paying for the apples in order to alleviate my guilt about the distance.

4. I finally figured out a way to minimize my tics so that I can cook safely! This one is big for me, bc my best friend’s parents own exactly 2 spices and 1 herb other than salt and pepper, so I went to an Asian grocery store yesterday and picked up seasonings. I also got lotus seed mooncakes, but those are staying at my boyfriend’s until tomorrow. I may end up killing my best friend’s parents bc some of the seasonings are sorta spicy, but it’s okay, they’ll get more flavor in the food now!

5. I might get to do an independent study next semester!!!! This one is really important to me, as I want to focus it around my tribe, and incorporate a lot of my personal relationship with the culture of the Cherokee Nation into it. I’m coming at it from a cultural anthropology perspective, and hopefully in the future I can do one aimed at a psychological perspective tied to the CN. It will likely have to do with the generational trauma that members of Indigenous/First Nations tribes experience even with Gen Z members.

#bipolar disorder #vesta speaks #updates #tic disorder #anxiety #anthropology #cultural anthropology #cherokee nation #psychology #vesta's on her shit again #its been a while

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ofkareenas · 3 years

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. ∘ ∗ : 🐝 𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙶 …

JANHVI KAPOOR, CIS WOMAN, TWENTY-FIVE, SHE / HER ⟨ ✽ ⟩ hey, you haven’t bumped into kareena puri lately, have you? they have been living here for the past two years and during that time, locals have gotten to know them as charismatic & creative. a little birdie told me they can be quite stubborn & opinionated though. explains why they’re an online fashion brand owner and designer . they really remind me of morning beach walks, sketchbooks filled with new designs, the sound of a sewing machine running. if you’re ever looking for them, i bet you can find them around port briar lighthouse.

hi again, it’s tally ! this is my second baby kareena !! she’s very new to me and it’s pretty exciting bc i tend to just recycle characters kjhfgkj again, if you’d like to plot, please reach out to me on dms, or you can like this and i’ll reach out. you can also talk to me on discord if you’d prefer that. ( gowon face insurance company#8416 ) also pls excuse how messy this is, i havent written a proper full intro in a while.

. ∘ ∗ : 🐝 𝙱𝙸𝙾𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙷𝚈 …

kareena puri

march 30th, 1996 - 25 yrs old ; aries

cis woman, she/her, bisexual (closeted to her family, not so much to anyone else)

born in mumbai, india. raised in seattle, washington.

currently residing in port briar, maine

pinterest board: here

TW / CW: none, other than a controlling family, which idk if it even should be tagged but yuh

kareena knew it, she was lucky compared to others. she had it better than some of her peers, and she recognized that privilege. but if she could trade her family life for a “normal” one, she would in the quick snap of a finger.

kareena’s family was pretty much old money. she came from a long line of doctors in almost every medical field, and they own so many private hospitals and clinics in many countries. if you happen to hear the Puri family name, you probably would associate it with these things: a big hospital that you probably drove by with your car or a surgeon that your doctor wanted to refer you to.

every child in the family was expected to go to med school. it was the only way to keep the family legacy and pride going. of course, the more new generations came in the family, the more there were those who decided to take different fields of work instead. and of course, the eldest members in the family would always voice their disappointment in them, and would always make sure to remind them that they’re a disgrace no matter how successful they are in whatever field they went into.

kareena didn’t know what she was doing at the young age of sixteen. her parents would boast about how she would be a successful doctor when she grows up, just like her older siblings, and how her younger siblings would be the same as well. all kareena did was nod and smile. she didn’t want this.

the thing is, she was a naturally great student with really good grades, and yet her parents would be disappointed if she got a B+ or even an A- on a subject every once in a while. she didn’t get it. she thought she was doing her best. although the complaining about her report cards was getting a bit too much coming from her mother, and that’s when kareena really started to not give a fuck. yes, she still got good grades for her own sake, but she started to do whatever she wanted. she hung out with kids her parents would call a bad influence, and started to skip some school days or go to parties on the weekends. it was fun and liberating to her.

once her senior year was over and kareena was graduated with a high school diploma, her family was back at it again, trying to get her to apply to all the notable medical schools out there. she had protested about it, and family fights ensued, and with some threats, kareena was forced into applying. next school year, she was in another city, studying to be a surgeon, and her mind wasn’t into it at all. she only lasted one year before she decided to drop out and transfer to FIDM, a fashion school in L.A, instead.

kareena has always been into fashion. the way she dressed would tell you so. how she was always on the latest fashion, and how she would have so many sketchbooks and scrapbooks of fashion related things. she loved making her own clothes at home with her sewing machine. her mother would tell her that it’s a nice hobby, but she never guessed that her daughter would want to pursue it as a career. the color drained out of her face when she saw what kareena had done. she was angry and disappointed, and mostly worried about what the rest of the family would say, more than she cared about her daughter’s wants and needs. kareena, however, didn’t care. she was happy. she moved out to be closer to campus, and soon enough after graduation, she left everything behind and decided to go somewhere quieter: port briar, maine. this was completely different from everything she was used to, it was so quiet and small, but she loved it. she finally feels at peace with herself.

now, kareena is a successful fashion designer. she started an online business, and it has been booming, with fashion influencers promoting her work. she was hoping that someday she would get to do bigger things, like making custom items for celebrities and being featured in fashion magazines and fashion weeks. she could only wish and work towards that for now.

and even with all of that, even when kareena had picked herself up from the ground on her own and built her own business, her family still didn’t approve. they still pretended to care about her, but would make sure to remind her of how disappointed they are in her and the path she’d taken. they would sit and wonder what it would’ve been like if she continued to go to med school, and how successful she could’ve been. and all kareena would do in response is smile and say that she’s successful anyway, but at least now she’s doing something she actually loves.

. ∘ ∗ : 🐝 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙾𝙽𝚂 …

born in mumbai, india. moved to seattle, washington when she was still a baby, and was raised there for the rest of her life, all while still visiting family back home.

kareena is the middle child of 5 siblings. two older brothers and two younger sisters

she is bisexual, and she’s pretty open about it. except to her family. shes not out to them

she believes in working hard, but she also believes that everyone deserves to have fun and get a break every once in a while. she currently is the only main person doing all the work for her business, but she’s hoping to soon hire anyone who has the same interests as her

her designs are mostly evening wear dresses and such. think teuta matoshi or marionela type of dresses, all flowy and puffy, giving fantasy feels

altho i would say her success is more like early hope macaulay, when she was still starting out. if no one is familiar with her, she is an irish fashion and textile designer who got famous for her knit wear on instagram, and she’s p young !! u might recognize her work if u look her up <3

she currently lives alone port briar, with her rented home facing the beach. exactly how she likes it. it was different and definitely not lavish like her home growing up, but she liked it better. she could’ve lived somewhere more expensive, but she didn’t want that.

owns a studio where she usually works. there is more space for her there than what she used to have at home. all the design process, sewing and even photoshoots take place there usually

if not working, kareena could be found at the rocky beaches near the port’s lighthouse or off somewhere on an adventure. she is always here to have a good time

honestly kareena is still such a new character for me, so if i think of any other hcs, i’ll add them here

. ∘ ∗ : 🐝 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙽𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂 …

friends from school, could be from seattle or L.A: kareena would’ve kept in contact with those friends tbh shes the type of person to keep her friends around. even if they were just added to her snapchat or followed on instagram. she would keep up with them

toxic relationship / gf: THIS

exes ?? we could definitely plot this out

high school ex perhaps 👀

FWB: no strings attached

neighbors: she lives on sea sprite lane

family members? kareena would be hoping that left them all behind in the past, but it can’t be denied that she has a big family and she could possibly run into any of them at any moment

omg crush perhaps ! idm if it’s one sided, and it could either be kareena having feelings or the other person

a friend she had a falling out with: she probably met this person two years ago when she first moved here. something might’ve happened and one thing after another, they dropped each other and it was probably the worst falling out for both of them

clients / customers for her business perhaps. or maybe a helping hand!!

literally anything u wanna do, lets gooo

#briar.intro #heheh it's finally here

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cyrsed · 2 years

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top surgery stuff // drugs ment ///

it’s so nuts that i finally got top surgery, i’ve wanted it since i was like 14 and it’s finally done 🥺 i still have a ways to go to finish healing but it’s just so weird to think about 🥺🥺🥺 i’ll finally be able to wear like, tank tops and go swimming easier (altho obvs now there’s scars to explain and idk yet how wide my hips are gonna look now that my chest isn’t there to “balance” it)

i’m also very thankful that my healing is going so well ghslkfj everyone i have either known personally (or who my wives know personally) who’s had it done was like totally out of commission the first few days but i’ve feeling pretty much fine except the pain on the day i got surgery + the day after, and i’m hobbling around bc i’m worried about the bandages/ace wraps coming loose or pulling on something wrong or hurting me somehow lol.

but i haven’t needed pain meds since the middle of the 2nd post-op day i think (and i just took tylenol), and my drains are technically at a level where they could be removed but there’s no availability for getting that done before my post-op appointment on friday.

i was super worried that the opiates i was prescribed wouldn’t work properly bc of me having only quit kratom a week before surgery, and i read some guy’s post about that happening to him and being in excruciating pain but thankfully that wasn’t an issue. i’m not taking the pain meds anymore but i also haven’t taken kratom yet, we’ll see if/when i try taking any (probably gonna go for at Least a full month off if not longer idk yet)

i can’t pick up my cats rn though smh i just have to have my wives pick them up for me so i can hug them lol :). & getting dressed is annoying. i did take a sponge bath and my wives helped wash my hair today but i still feel really gross ghsklfj can’t wait until i can shower for real and not have these bandages/drains anymore

also no post-op depression (so far) *fingers crossed*

#just a lil journal type post #top surgery

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eilonwiiy · 3 years

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a little life update:

my work’s abusive admin made their mass exodus in january and life has vastly improved. however...

we have to clean up their mess

i’ve been temporarily promoted to full-time to cover the holes in our schedule and make up for our severe lack of staff. as happy as i am about the extra money, it’s been almost two months and i can’t wait to go back to part-time. i miss having the free time and responsibilities that have been put on me at work are stressing me out and, ultimately, should not be my responsibility (i.e. booking programmers for summer reading, calculating a budget).

(for the record, i truly don’t mind assisting in these things. but without a children’s librarian and no sustainable budget there are just so many unknowns for my department’s future that are deterring me from making any real progress. we thankfully just hired a new children’s librarian and teen librarian so i’ve kind of mental stepped back from it all bc soon it will be out of my hands once they officially start)

virtual programming will soon be a reality for me and i’m scared shitless. i have an eating disorder. i’m not in a place where i’m starving myself and haven’t been for quite some time, but my ED mentality is very active and at the forefront of my mind always. being on film is a massive, asteroid sized trigger for me and if i’m being perfectly frank, i do not have a coping mechanism strong enough to fend off the disordered voice in my head. i have tried. multiple times over the course of the pandemic. and every time ends with me imploding.

working full-time has also forced me to accept just how bad my mental health is, particularly my ED. even if i’m not engaging in behaviors, my train of thought is harmful and causing me so much undeserved pain. it’s so frustrating knowing that i enjoy the work that i do enough that i could work full-time at my current job if i wanted to. but my ED and depression drains me of all my energy making it that i can’t.

and of course in the midst of all this, my skin has a had major outburst so bad that i actually called out sick last week to go to an emergency doctor’s appointment. i still need to make an appointment with a dermatologist, but we’re pretty sure it’s ringworm -_- i obsessively apply the creams they prescribed me and am taking meds too, but it’s taken a toll on my already dwindling mental health. like, if i was self-conscious of my body before, now it’s all i think about. getting dressed was already a challenge, but now that i have to take this rash into consideration, it’s a nightmare. just another reason why i can’t wait to go back to part-time.

some positives...

i’m still drawing and learning new stuff with krita! i have so many unfinished witchlands arts and i’m hoping the new book will reignite my inspiration.

i’ve been reading a lot. i’m trying to read more middle grade to broaden my readers’ advisory. so far so good.

my sister and i are hardcore obsessed with naruto. it’s been an absolute joy being this invested in my ninja bbs. honestly, it’s been one of the brightest spots in all the darkness lately.

WITCHSHADOW IS COMING OUT IN LESS THAN 2 MONTHS. i need to do a reread, but at the same time i’ve read these books and listened to the audiobooks so many times that maybe i don’t lol.

i started a new game of Horizon Zero Dawn! i’ve been thinking about it for a while, but the rash is what tipped me over the edge lol. i just love the hzd world so much; i feel like i’ve come home :)

even though i feel like shit most of the time right now, there’s still a lot of good stuff around me and i know how valuable it is to be able to see that!

#personal #eilonwiiy talks #i see some messages in my inbox #i'll get to those as soon as i can!#thanks in advance for you patience <3

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cowboyslikedean · 3 years

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Me: i haven’t been taking my adhd meds for the last week and a half because it was my birthday and I wanted to drink and then I kept sleeping thru my alarms and didn’t wanna take them at 12pm bc I didn’t wanna be up til like 4am

Also me, having taken my adhd meds this morning: wow why do i suddenly have motivation and energy to do work what a mystery

#I am in fact an idiot.#lucys ramblings

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marcholasmoth · 3 years

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OSRR: 2535

today i was so fuckin productive, like holy shit.

i woke up this morning. at 7am. not at 1pm, or 2pm, or 3:30pm, like i have in the last week.

7am.

and i got up.

i took my meds and i got pancakes.

and i came back and started working on my capstone. i asked for a pad of sticky notes and i grabbed a pen and i scribbled out all the thoughts in my head of things i needed to include in my paper. i ended up with 24 sticky notes across three sheets of paper (because they wouldn't stick to the table), and i organized them into groups that flowed together and i cut them out as columns and stapled them together. and then i went through after kind of giving my mom a run-down of what i wanted to include, and i wrote down the subcategories i wanted to include along with specific details. and then i took that whole ass tiny sticky note flip book and turned it into a word document outline. i added the smaller details and stuff and then i made a second document where i went and looked up images and stuff of details or equations i needed to know in order to effectively write each section.

i got about a quarter of the way through looking for images and information by the time i talked to dr noah, and i told him of my success in the morning of a new outline and brainstorming, and he was proud of me for being able to do that, because that exact sort of thing is commonly used by scientists to write up proposals and stuff. so nice.

he also opened a sandbox to me in canvas and posted the materials i was going to need from matlab and the capstone course so they wouldn't keep expiring on me, so i have that all now too. which will be good.

after talking to dr noah, i kept working. my mom left at some point and i switched gears because i was thinking about unh and the fall and my job and my meds and i ended up sending like twelve emails to five different people. i wrote to one of the people with a scholarship fund at the school for community college students who go to the college of engineering and physical sciences, and i told her that i wouldn't need a lot of money for the fall. after finding the courses i wanted and putting them into a schedule, i sent an email to the person to register me for classes, and we went back and forth a bit about that, so i'm all registered for classes. i sent a request in for my medication to be renewed, and later i got a notification that it was ready. i took the partially filled out schedule from my classes and determined what hours i'd want for work for the fall, and i took that and sent an email to our new supervisor. i went in and i did calculations on my schedule for costs and payments and stuff and seeing how my fall would turn out to be. i also sent an email to the financial aid department declining the work-study i got because that would require me getting a job on campus and i'm not about to do that, especially because that would take away time from a better paying job that i already have that isn't so far away. so that's taken care of. and i worked on searching for images and information in between as my mind allowed me to.

i was about two-thirds done with the information search by the time i went to take a shower and then leave to go for pottery. i didn't end up painting. i did, however, sit and hang out and talk and work on my outline further. i finished it and finished collecting the information and i sent them off in an email to dr noah for consideration and critique. i still have a lot of reading, but i now have a direction and specific things i need information on.

i did, thankfully, get to talk to joel today, if only a little bit. i'm sad i haven't gotten to see him quite yet, but with the work i got done today, i can justify it. sometimes i just wanna sit with him. like now. i'd like to sit and cuddle with him. just exist together in the same space. god i love him so much. when i think about going to see him, it feels like coming home.

i just love him a lot. and yknow? he makes me happy.

(also casually referred to friend on discord as "my heart" not too long ago bc i like them and they give me butterflies ok i'm definitely polyam)

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #2000s #2500s #sunshine boy #god i love him so much

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ashuhleyepileptic · 3 years

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So, what do auras "feel" like? I can't ever remember having any, from blacking out during my seizures. Anything about 2 mins beforehand, is blank in my head.

I'm a lot better at sticking to my meds now, I haven't missed any in months. And on days when I push myself a bit, my head feels funky sometimes.

I've taken the past month off to figure myself out... Med side effects, how to treat them, a better line of work, etc. So when I'm sitting around all week doing barely anything, then I get going on the weekend to clean and stuff, I feel super tired if I sit down. And it's like my head is almost telling me, if I wasn't on meds, I'd be having a seizure.

But I could also just be jumping to the extreme, bc I'm so used to it happening. Any sign of stress and I immediately worry. Idk 😶

#actually epileptic #epilepsy

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fonulyn · 4 years

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Hello! I'm not sure if you're still taking prompt requests, and if not that's fine, but I love your writing! Could I request something where Chris comes back from a mission, only to find out that Leon is in the hospital after his own mission goes wrong? Thank you! :)

thank you anon! ❤ I’m happy you enjoy the ficcage! and this probably didn’t turn out as angsty as you were imagining, ansfjgkhn i’m sorry for that. but I hope you can enjoy the fluff instead! :3 also features Claire bc I couldn’t resist.

for this! | read on ao3 instead!

–

“Ha! I win!” Claire announced as she all but slammed the last two cards down on the bed, before throwing her arms up in a victory pose. “Again!”

“How the fuck are you so good at this,” Leon grumbled, shaking his head a little as he dropped the cards from his own hands. “That was like the sixteenth round in a row and I haven’t won a single one of them.” He could’ve blamed the painkillers he was on, sure, but truth to be told he was aware that they had little to do with this. Even if he hadn’t been pumped full of painkillers he would’ve lost, knowing her.

“Well,” Claire smiled sweetly, “Seventeenth, to be exact.”

Leon rolled his eyes. “I’d kick your ass if my foot wasn’t in a cast.” He aimed for an annoyed tone but there was no suppressing his smile, just because her enthusiasm was so contagious. She’s rushed here the moment she’d heard he’d been hurt, and when he’d woken up in the hospital bed she’d been right there.

A tiny part of Leon had hoped it would’ve been a different Redfield by his bedside when he woke up, but he knew that Chris was on a job, and that he couldn’t just fly back in the second he wanted to. Besides Claire was his best friend, he wasn’t going to complain about her keeping him company. Especially as he knew it was just a matter of time before Chris would be there, too.

As Leon had just been thinking of Chris, he almost thought that he was imagining it when suddenly Chris’ voice cut through the brief silence.

“This isn’t exactly what I was expecting.”

They both turned towards the doorway, where the voice came from. Chris was standing there, looking like he’d barely taken the time to shower after coming home from a mission - and that only probably because he was coming to a med ward and didn’t want to contaminate everything. He was smiling, though, relief evident on his face as he took in the scene.

“Sorry to disappoint,” Leon quipped, the corner of his mouth curving upwards. “Next time I’ll make sure I’ll be actively dying so it’s worth the trip.”

Claire was the one who reacted first, slapping his knee - thankfully the non-injured leg, at least - and glared at him. “I know you’re joking, but watch that. If you’ll get yourself killed I’ll murder you.”

Meanwhile Chris had walked into the room, stopping only when he was standing right at the bedside. He reached out and carded his fingers into the hair in the back of Leon’s head, and leaned in to press a kiss onto his temple. “Glad to see you in one piece,” he murmured, his smile widening a little as he felt Leon lean further against him.

“Want me to give you some privacy?” Claire asked, looking at the two softly.

“No,” Chris shook his head, “it’s fine. I haven’t seen you in ages. Besides, looks like Leon needs some help.” He gestured towards the piles of cards strewn onto the bed, chuckling as he knew in one single glance what had been going on. “I can tell you all the ways she cheats in this,” he promised Leon, already pulling a chair closer so he could join in.

“Hey!” Claire protested immediately. “I do not cheat. You just suck!” Despite her (mostly faked) indignation, she already gathered the cards to shuffle them so she could then deal them another round.

There were dark circles under Leon’s eyes, and he still looked like he might pass out any second from tiredness alone. Yet despite that, he seemed to be in high spirits, especially for someone with a shattered ankle. He reached out and grabbed Chris’ hand in his own, and as he laced their fingers together he gave Chris a grin. “Let’s take her down.”

“As if you could ever do that,” Claire laughed, “Although I might have to let you win at the housewarming party, Chris has been unbearable about it for weeks now and I c—” Suddenly she cut herself off, noticing how Chris was gesturing for her frantically, trying to make her shut up.

“What are you talking about?” Leon frowned, clearly confused. As it became obvious that Claire wasn’t going to answer his question, he turned to Chris instead, arching an eyebrow. “What is she talking about?”

Behind his back, Claire quickly mimed zipping her mouth shut, giving Chris a sheepish smile. And as much as Chris wanted to just throw something at her, he just gave Leon the most innocent smile he could possibly manage. “I have no idea. She’s just trying to distract us so she’ll win the next round too!”

“Caught me,” Claire piped up immediately, while already dealing out the cards accordingly. “What can I say,” she went on, as nonchalantly as she could, “all is fair in love and war.”

The words startled a laugh out of Leon. “So it’s ‘war’ now?” he asked, shaking his head a little. “Fine. If it’s war that you want, a war you will get.” He reached out and grabbed the pile of cards from beside his knee, jaw set determinedly as he focused on them. Beside him, Chris breathed a sigh of relief, before setting out to do exactly what he’d promised. They would win this round.

They didn’t.

There was a bounce to Chris’ steps as he walked into the room, and it immediately caught Leon’s attention. “What’s got you in such a good mood?” he asked, laughing a little as the first answer he got was Chris stepping closer to him and leaning in to steal a quick, chaste kiss. Not that Leon minded that, at all, seeing Chris happy always did wonders to his own mood too.

“Are you ready?” Chris asked, holding out the bag he’d brought with him, as if to show it off. “They told me I can take you home today. So I brought some clothes.”

“Fucking finally,” Leon groaned, letting his head fall back into the pillows with a thud. “I already thought they’d keep me in here forever.” A mild exaggeration, perhaps, but he was always restless and antsy at hospitals, no matter if he was the patient or not, and it was the best news in a while that he’d get to leave. “How did you manage that?” he couldn’t help but ask, curious as to how he was being discharged already. He had expected to be held there for at least a couple of more days.

“I can be persuasive if I want to,” Chris answered, without any further explanation. Instead he dug around the bag, fished out the loose sweatpants and a soft, cuddly sweatshirt he’d brought for Leon. Not exactly anything super stylish, but definitely comfortable, and that was probably the better option right now.

So Leon allowed Chris to help him get dressed, and didn’t even put up a fight when Chris insisted on wheeling him out to the car in one of the wheelchairs. He was feeling so good about getting to leave, about his life getting back to some semblance of normal, that he was glad to give Chris whatever he wanted. And if it was to coddle him a little? Then sure. He could live with that.

They didn’t talk much during the drive, but the radio was on and Chris was humming along to whatever was playing, even kept drumming on the steering wheel with his fingers. It made Leon smile, watching him, but the painkillers still made him feel a little hazy and it only took minutes before he was already dozing off.

So he didn’t pay attention to where they were going. The drive had felt longer than usual, but he just figured that his brain wasn’t all online yet, and that his sense of time was lost somewhere in the sleepy fog in his mind.

He only came back to reality when Chris stopped the car in the driveway of a house that he didn’t recognize. “This isn’t…” Leon started, trailing off as he took in his surroundings. It obviously wasn’t his apartment, much less the little hole in the wall Chris lived in. But it wasn’t the home of any of their friends, either, and Leon wracked his brain trying to figure out what was going on.

The small house stood there almost in isolation, surrounded by large trees on both sides. It was painted light blue, and there was even a friggin’ white picket fence around the small front garden. For a good moment Leon just stared at it, mouth agape, before turning to Chris with a frown. “Where are we, Redfield?”

“So. I know we didn’t decide on anything yet,” Chris started, a telltale flush on his cheeks as he avoided looking straight at Leon. He was squeezing the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white, and automatically Leon placed a palm on top of Chris’ right hand to make him ease his grip. That made Chris glance at him, and even though the blush was still there he did look a lot less tense as he went on. “And if you hate it I can still get rid of it, but… I put in the deposit for it.”

Leon couldn’t help but stare, eyes wide. Sure they had talked about moving in together, more than once, but somehow they’d never managed to actually take that step. Not until now, apparently. He opened his mouth once, twice, and nothing came out, before he finally managed to burst out a stunned “You got us a house?”

That made Chris laugh and he shrugged. “I got us a house.” He flexed his fingers and finally let go of the steering wheel, turning towards Leon to face him better. The embarrassed flush was still like stuck on his face, a hint of nervousness in his smile. “I mean. If you want it.”

Wordlessly Leon leaned in, capturing Chris’ lips in a kiss that he hoped spoke volumes of how much he wanted this, how ready he was for this step in their relationship. It didn’t last for long, though, and impatiently Leon pulled back and immediately unbuckled his seatbelt. “Help me out of the car,” he ordered, “I want to see how it looks like inside!”

Grinning from ear to ear, Chris jumped out of the car to do exactly as he’d been told.

#chreon #chris redfield #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #claire redfield #claire is a good bff #while chris is just a good bf 8)#ehehe okay that wasn't funny lol #my fics #i hope you'll like it anon #Anonymous #ask and i shall answer #replies #chatty chat chat #my chreon fics

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