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going-to-ikea-for-the-fries · 3 months

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It's a Match! || 141 x Reader

[ Chapter 10 ] || [ Chapter 12 ]

Pairing: 141 x gn!Reader Words: 1.1K~ Summary: While overcoming recent heartbreak, you decide to join Tinder in search of a rebound. Your friends advise to just Swipe Right indiscriminately... What happens when 4 soldiers from the same squad match with you? a/n: i'm in love with gaz

Chapter 11: Excuse me?

A DM suddenly shoots up to the top of the pile in Kyle’s Tinder DM list and his eyebrows raise when he sees your name.

It’s been a month and a half, maybe longer, since you two last matched and after the brief rejection and you having gotten with Price, his life moved on and he kind of forgot you existed.

But your sudden message whose preview starts with “hey sorry to be botheri-” intrigues him so he presses it.

you: hey sorry to be bothering u but i figured it was safe to dm u about this because between u and johnny u seemed to be the most mature one! is simon okay? he stopped replying to me like a week ago and im concerned

Kyle’s eyebrows shot up on his forehead upon reading the question.

Kyle: he’s been texting u? 🤨 you: HI! yeah he has Kyle: excuse me? 🤨🤨 Kyle: like texting texting u. Kyle: as in you text him and he answers and u 2 chat? 😐 you: yes? 🙃 Kyle: tf kind of witchcraft did u pull on him? 🤨 Kyle: he doesnt text. Kyle: not one of us can get more than a thumbs up reaction to our texts in the groupchat. 😑 you: he texts me! Kyle: 😫?? Kyle: jesus christ. you: you didnt answer is he okay?? 😭😭

Kyle thought back on a reason why Ghost would suddenly, well, ghost you. But he can’t think of any… Ghost is a notoriously bad texter, it doesn’t surprise him that he went MIA…

And then it hits him.

It’s 8 A.M. in the rec room of their floor and Ghost was making tea just as Johnny was taking a seat in the couch.

Kyle oofed as Johnny hit him, throwing his legs over Kyle’s lap. “Watch it mate, fuck you’re bloody heavy!” He complained.

“AH, FUCKIN’ HELL!” Ghost cursed as he threw his hands up in the air the sound of water dripping on the floor catching his attention.

Kyle looked over to see Ghost had spilled his boiling hot water everywhere on the counter.

“You alright L.T.?” Soap asked a she lifted his head over the back of the couch to peer at Simon just like Gaz was.

“Great.” Ghost grunted as he picked up his phone from the counter, which was also dripping in water, while his other hand threw a rag onto the mess of water dripping down from the counter.

“Oh fuck… ‘s your phone dead?” Soap asked and Ghost grumbled under his breath, not quite answering the question, as he busied himself soaking up the spilled water.

Just then, Price showed up at the rec room door. “Simon, gear up. Got a briefing for a solo mission in 10.”

“Fuckin’ hell, yeah, yeah, I got it.” Ghost grunted as he cleaned the mess and then rushed out the door, leaving his mug of tea in the counter and clutching his now broken phone in his hands.

Kyle: hes fine. Kyle: he spilled water on his phone and killed it I think. Kyle: and he got sent out before he could get it fixed. 🙃 you: oh okay good! you: thanks! you: sorry to have bothered you! 🙏 Kyle: now wait just a minute. 😤 Kyle: u need to explain how in the hell u and ghost talk.👀 you: ghost? Kyle: that’s his work name. 🤷‍♂️ you: fitting seeing as i thought he ghosted me Kyle: THAT’S THE JOKE I MADE JUST NOW TO MYSELF! 😭 you: were in sync it seems 😭 Kyle: answer the question tho. you: idk what u want me to answer with Kyle: wdym u dont know??? explain yourself. Kyle: how do you get ghost to text u???? you: idk? im funny ig Kyle: 😑 you: im sorry if thats not what u want to hear Kyle: wait Kyle: a couple weeks ago he was out all night Kyle: during morning training soap was talking about how he had a date Kyle: was he with u? 👀👀 you: soap? Kyle: johnny. Kyle: keep up cmon now. you: jeez don’t patronize me you: yes simon was with me Kyle: 👀👀👀 Kyle: i see. Kyle: tell me more. you: theres nothing to tell Kyle: thats a lie and u know it. you: its not!!! Kyle: cmon. Kyle: u cant just meet with a bloke with a skull mask on and then say u dont have anything to tell. 😑😑 you: a skull mask?? Kyle: did he not wear a mask when he was with u? 🤨🤨 you: yes? you: a black one Kyle: with a skull print on it yeah? you: no??? 🙃 you: just black! Kyle: jesus christ. Kyle: and what? what happened? you: nothing?! Kyle: walk me thru it. you: we went out for a drink then came back to mine and watched a movie! Kyle: 🤨🤨 Kyle: and had a shag? you: NO???? Kyle: wdym no? thats what would normally happen with a bloke. you: and???? you: this is simon were talking about kyle you: nothing about him screams normal exactly 🙃 you: hes joked about being able to kill me with his bar ehands you: bare hands* Kyle: fair. Kyle: this raises more questions for me. you: what Kyle: like u would meet with a masked bloke that can kill u with his bare hands alone without protection? 🤨 you: i had protection Kyle: not a condom. you: oh 😅 you: well we met at a pub soooo Kyle: what did u 2 do then Kyle: other than watch a ‘movie’ 🙄 you: played mario kart you: slept Kyle: as in Kyle: you SLEPT? like honk shoo honk mimimimi? you: yes🙄🙄 Kyle: im confused. you: ur confused? im fucking confused bro Kyle: wdym u SLEPT TOGETHER? 🙃 Kyle: WHAT KIND OF WITCHCRAFT IS THIS? Kyle: wtf have u done to him Kyle: like ghost doesnt text, he sure as shit doesnt visit people, and he doesnt go on dates, he doesnt sleep next to people, im almost sure the man doesnt have feelings or emotions and only speaks in sarcasm Kyle: how can u get that out of him?? 🤨🤨 Kyle: no one else can! you: well with that mentality you cant you: idk what to tell u you: we hit it off 🙄 Kyle: explain yourself. you: ive been explaining it!!!!! Kyle: no explain it better. Kyle: I think Im having a stroke. you: idk how to make it clearer??? Kyle: thats it. Kyle: are you free rn?? Kyle: I need u to explain urself. 😑 you: Im at work? Kyle: whens ur lunch break? 👀 you: in 35 minutes. Kyle: do u like ramen? you: yes? Kyle: whats the closest japanese to ur job? you: Akira Kyle: meet me at Akira for lunch. Kyle: I’m buying. you: who said i want to meet up with u?? 🤨🤨 Kyle: man just get down there. Kyle: im offering to pay. you: fineeeee 🙄

Kyle quickly hopped up from his seat at his desk with a start and rushed back to his room to change out of his fatigues.

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taglist (CLOSED! not adding anyone else, sorry!): @daisychainsinknots , @bunnysdaydreams , @iite-cool , @lahniu , @pagesfalling , @tapioca-milktea1978 , @live-love-be-unique , @thelaisydazy , @littleghosthunter , @bossva , @emotion-no-hot-yes-hotel-trivago , @chamomiletealeaf , @ghosts-hoe , @kariiiel , @ltbarnes , @irregulardongyoung , @spacelia , @hayleybarnesx , @infpt-zylith , @xxshadowbabexx , @frescoisnotinthemilitary , @leeeenistop , @lucienbarkbark , @zombie-freak , @wittleespur

@severenswife , @enarien, @agoodmoviekiss , @l0lziez , @whos-fran , @greatstormcat , @openup-yourmind , @neoarchipelago , @sodavrr , @cutiecusp , @lilliumrorum , @c-nstantine , @kneelforloki , @comeonatmebruh , @codsunshine , @waiting-so-long , @captainquake42 , @gazspookiebear , @mynameismisty , @reap3erslov3 , @reaper-chan666 , @poohkie90 , @kitwithnokat , @stick-the-dumbass , @mothsdrabbles , @justanerd1 , @thesinsoflust , @thriving-n-jiving , @blckbrrybasket

#ikea writes 💚#it's a match! fic #cod modern warfare #cod fanfic #captain john price #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost riley #text story #cod x reader #call of duty x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #gaz x reader

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solverse · 7 months

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okay, we all know about SAGAU and its different hundred of aus (not complaining tho, some are chef kiss out there) but like I've been interested in Honkai Star Rail self-aware AU– like i know it's been out for a while but the SAGAU concept is even better when it comes to HSR because of it sheer size and potential.

(not saying Genshin SAGAU aren't good tho.)

It just that I've been having this brainrot and I just need to get it out.

Imagine in SAHSR (yk, self-aware honkai star rail), we got an OC (or reader, if you're more comfortable with that– i refuse to use Y/N, just no) that is an Aeon.

Nothing shocking but lets turn that up a bit by making the OC (or Reader) the oldest yet an unknown Aeon since they went into hiding, but still kept watch of the galaxies. People know little to nothing about OC other than their loyal followers– like, even some of the newer Aeons know nothing about us (or Reader).

My brain rot came up with the Aeon of Mortality. Kinda like an emphasization that we (the Aeon) was here before most of the living being in the galaxies (hence the 'creator' thingy).

Or Aeon of Origin would be a good one too since theres Terminus, the Aeon of Finality.

(kinda like a direct reference to Kiana and Mei, hehe.) But im leaning more towards Aeon of Mortality.

Heck, yk how the Imaginary element embodies the light of lives? yeh, spin that point to how when OC(or Reader), the Aeon of Mortality came into existence, which created the Imaginary element. hell, maybe even drag the Quantum element in too bcs mortality also embodies the aspect of death.

some of the faction/group names i came up with are [Freedom-willed Sworn], [Home of the Epheremeal] and [Anti-Entropy].

not gonna explain the meaning of all of that, but they all gotta do with mortality, freedom, freewill, the will to choose and live, etc.

now thats out of the way, lets get to the fun part!

OC (or Reader) is the Aeon that watches over the Trailblazers (like, us players) and latches onto the Astral Express because they used to be besties with Akilivi ( D: ). Stelle/Caelus have no idea how they got a whole Aeon to get attached to them but they aren't complaining!

(we are also the one enabling the two's trash-loving behavior lmao)

the Astral Express also has no idea why an Aeon, the oldest one (and one they know nothing about) decided to ride along with them. Himeko got used to our presence as we appeared when she repaired the train.

March is confused but happy, Dan Heng is cautious but tolerant and Welt is skeptical but lenient. But slowly, they get used to our presence and might even start liking our help and support!

Asta and Arlan are surprised to know that the oldest Aeon known is constantly watching over them. They've never met an Aeon that interact so close! Herta might have a whole aneurysm wanting to learn anything about us.

Screwllum and Ruan Mei would try to stop her but even they could not hide their curiosity about the oldest Aeon.

The Stellaron Hunters are surprised by our appearance as it was not written or foretold in Elio's script. Kafka is amused by the outcome, also a bit delighted to know that the Aeon (or Reader) was watching over them.

Going to Jarilo-IV! Surprise, surprise! Theres someone in Belobog who is a [Freedom-willed Sworn]! who is it? it can be whoever you might think it is!

The Jarilo-IV gang would be shocked to know that an Aeon was traveling alongside the Astral Express and was currently watching over them.

Some of them would be shy and awkward for knowing that, especially Bronya and Gepard. Some would be apprehensive, like Seele and Svarog. And some would be delighted! Aka, Sampo, Serval and Luka! Even Clara and Hook are happy to have us here.

Next station, the Xianzhou Luofu! right from the start, every kind of words gets out when they find out that the Aeon of Mortality is with the Astral Express. Xianzhou Luofu are skeptical of us, since they do not know of our standing, especially when it comes to the Plague Author (Yaoshi.)

not to mention OC/Reader is the Aeon of Mortality and little is known about us so they might think that our path is aligned with Yaoshi. (which doesnt, honestly.)

Jing Yuan would be suspicious of us but he would hide it well, Fu Xuan would be discontent since the future she saw did not include us, Yanqing have his own opinion but he'd follow Jing Yuan's belief, Sushang would be fascinated and Luocha would be surprised at our reveal.

Tingyun (or Phantylia) would be intrigued at our sudden appearance, Yukong is the same as Jing Yuan (just that she doesn't hide it) and Qingque wouldn't really care.

but once the Xianzhou Luofu quest is over and the gang understands that OC/Reader is not aligned with Yaoshi, they start warming up to us! while Xianzhou Luofu is devoted to Lan the Hunt in their pursue to eradicate Yaoshi, they wouldn't oppose the help of the oldest Aeon!

also, our relationship with some of the Aeons? Aeon OC/Reader constantly gives Qlipoth headaches and they would get worried about us since we do all kinds of shits ehehe.

Aeon OC/Reader constantly annoys Lan (affectionately) and Nanook whenever they get the chance.

OC/Reader are besties with Xipe (goes on a date all the time) and IX (bcs its hilarious). Likes to go sightseeing with Fuli and constantly argue with Aha lmao.

p.s. im hesitant to include the notion of 'Reader' as im not used to using that title but i think most people are more comfortable with that. i, however, will not use Y/N.

–

#just a little something #hsr brain rot bcs yes #sagau #sahsrau #self aware genshin #hsr aeons #honkai star rail #genshin fanfic #genshin impact #genshin sagau #honkai

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itgomyway · 9 months

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(you)r sp and you ♡

i have already made a post about how you should love yourself and your sp will love you almost as much (bc they actually are you!) but lets go into more detail

a lot of you guys, including me, wanted to get into a relationship. and with that, youve discovered the law of assumption. the basics start off with whatever you assume will be. but after months of arguing, harassment, and bullying on twitter, you’re probably confused and too scared to ask.

FUCK THAT. let me be the one to tell you that none of it matters. you very much can and WILL manifest your sp. others false opinions (false because theyre not real) mean nothing. this isnt a loass post though im talking about non dualism (which is not the same).

“but wait… i want my sp and non dualism isnt about getting so why would i-“ because your sp shouldnt be someone that brings you happiness. they should be someone who adds to your quality of life. why does that sound like loass vs non dualism? because it is.

people use the law of assumption to manifest desires for their physical world. theres nothing wrong with that! that is how i manifested my current relationship. however, when we speak about non dualism, it goes beyond trying to get anything. youre just being. and “getting” into a relationship can very much help or make your false sense of self feel better. you as consciousness know relationships themselves dont exist because it is you but your ego, the false sense of self doesnt know that. it wants to experience love as part of the human condition. but youre still not getting anything. lemme explain.

you were trying to “get” something that was never outside of you TO make you happy. that doesnt make sense when not only are they you, but they are apart of you. everything your awareness is on “reflects” how you feel about yourself because all there is is you.

lets go back to non dualism’s basics. everything is consciousness = you creation is brought on by your awareness = you. “but back when x happened-“ the past and the future do not exist. the only thing that exist is now. you cant “apply” this way of thinking to something that doesnt exist. that makes no sense. youre just going to confuse yourself. i am telling you RIGHT NOW the only truly real thing is YOU. that is all there is and will ever be. you can control your awareness through observations meaning youre in total control. read that again.

so when it comes to your sp, romantic or not, they are never not yours. they were never not you or not a part of you. every thought, feeling, affirmation, or word you wrote down, they have received. because its you. think about it. are you ever aware of anything youre unaware of? (no). because things only exist the moment youre aware of them!

and remember, if something can come to our awareness like a relationship and leave our awareness it is not real. but you, as consciousness are infinite and are always here and always consciousness. so you are real!

after discovering non dualism i have thought about the feelings my boyfriend has presented to me and how they currently match the feelings i have for myself. i have always loved myself and will always love myself. if i didnt, how could i expect my creation, which is a projection of my own self image, to have different feelings than me? your sp isnt a separate person. Your relationships will always show how you feel about yourself, romantic or platonic. they’re not real because they come and go through your awareness but your ego as the false self believes they are. and thats okay. thats its job. let it be and observe them as consciousness.

nothing can happen outside of your awareness because the moment you are aware/conscious of something, it exist instantly. so if your sp is treating you the way you dont want to be treated then reflect on your own feelings about yourself. this DOES NOT necessarily mean work on your self concept. ask yourself if “you” think youre worthy of what it is your ego desires. a lot of my blockage came from that. i had to fall in love with myself so my ego could comprehend how i could be loved. because its still me.

lets talk about “free will”.

“free will” doesn’t exist. lemme tell you why. the idea of free will is a person outside of you having a say in their own life. the basic principle of non dualism means theres only one being, consciousness (you). so tell me how can “another person” “outside” of you have a say in their “own lives” when none of that exist in the first place?

your sp having or not having free will shouldn’t effect how you feel about them unless you see them as a separate entity outside of you. they’re not an “object” you control theyre your creation and another form of consciousness so of course you have control over your creations you have control over EVERYTHING.

your sp feels the same way you feel about yourself. always. if you dont feel good about yourself then i do suggest working on your self concept. not to “get” anything but for YOURSELF! why not love yourself? why cart that responsibility off to your creation?

at the end of the day, itll just be you surrounded by your creations. you can pick and choose what they are specifically BUT THE ONLY REAL THING IS YOU

#consciousness #nondualism #nonduality #awareness #sp

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ourbeloved1011 · 10 months

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Grow tf up. It's been 4 years since that show finished. Yibo even removed it from his bio. Theres nothing wrong with liking a show but insisting on some delusional rpf that's harming actual people??

Hi Anon,

Thanks for spending your precious time dropping by & bravely leaving your not-so-kind comments anonymously (or should I say nasty & harsh for telling me to grow tf up) when this is OBVIOUSLY a fan blog dedicated to Yizhan. It's like you're knocking someone's door uninvited & forcing yourself to rudely barge in.

Well, there must be a good reason on why I've been purposely not hashtag individual artists' names in my posts & include only related tags & mention 'this is just my personal thoughts, CPN' to STAY IN MY OWN LANE - in my own bubble & space. This is to avoid from being discovered by people who's trying to 'start something' & serve as my own effort to protect the artists from being harmed by my words. I really despise unnecessary conflicts right when I've made myself clear on my dashboard that this is a shipper blog.

In simpler words, if you don't like it, it's not my problem. No one asked for your opinion, anon. You've got the wrong place to begin with. However, since you've dropped me an ask, let me enlighten you at the very least.

Before I start, here's some of translated versions of Xiao zhan's personal statement after the incident (which I refuse to elaborate more):

"Everyone has their own choices and freedom of expression. No matter if you like me or you hate, it's your personal right. Passion should be the source of strength for everyone. I hope that this passion doesn't exhaust or harm anyone."

You can read the rest of his statement in my recent reblog or here: https://www.tumblr.com/ourbeloved1011/723921396167819264/xiao-zhans-previous-personal-statement?source=share

Here's my personal thoughts, again, CPN.

I couldn't agree more. It's crucial for everyone to take his words seriously and it's my wish to be what he wished for. I admire, respect & support both xiao zhan & yibo whole-heartedly. It's not fair for you to judge & say that this isn't fan love.

Bjyx is a fandom made up of different individuals. Not only bjyx, any fandom or group of people in this world will have the same concept.

Now, let's talk about generalization.

You can't simply generalize a group or fandom & labelling them as a whole harmful existence. Every fandom has their own good & toxic fans. You don't have any control over that. Surely, all kind of people exist in bjyx BUT same goes with solo fans. There's no exception.

It's like labelling the whole Wen clan as evil when you know very well that Wen Ning and Wen Qing aren't the same kind. In fact, they are Jiang clan's life savior. It's totally unfair.

"You should punish the people who bit you. Wen Qing & Wen Ning have never gotten their hands on anything bloody. Or do you want to execute a collective punishment?!" -The Untamed, Wei Wuxian-

Why do you need to be the exact same way as Jin's clan judgmental behavior? We never learn, we've been here before. I won't take any sides on which fandom need to be banned or which one is the 'real' supporter. Collective stereotype will never be the final answer.

I see two people in everyone. There's no point in proving this.

However, I do believe in one same group commonality. If you continuously act excessively, intentionally crossing all the boundary of morality & bring harm to others, you will belong to TOXIC FAN and ANTIs regardless of where you come from- either you are a bjyx fan or solo. I will not support any act of sexualizing & harassment behavior towards them. There's always a limit, visible lines & common sense to conduct & follow. Sadly, EXTREMISTs do exist everywhere.

Just like what xz been telling us, it's your personal right as long as your passion doesn't harm others. Joining bjyx is our right & passion to support them in our own way. Doesn't mean that you've the right to speak up or write anything that you see as 'the right way', you also have the right to blatantly disregard those who don't share the same view as yours. That's why the word RESPECT is there in life dictionary. Otherwise, human can't co-exist this long.

If you don't have anything good to say, you can just remain silent. If you can't accept & respect, just stay away & ignore. It's that simple.

I don't understand why people needlessly hurting others with their unnecessary hurtful choice of words that can leave permanent scars to others. I personally feel sorry for these people. I don't get it. I really want to understand- what's the real reason for you to be so mean & harsh & hateful? For example, telling people to grow tf up. Who are you to judge? I'm just chilling with myself without causing trouble to others.

In bjyx point of view, we just adore & admire the beautiful & deep connection that both of these guys have. It's rare to have someone that you can click so well instantly in life. We wish to support them against all the odd. That's all.

Ironically, people who freely generalize about other groups get upset & butthurt if someone generalizes about a group that they belong to. The thing is - everyone is an independent individual & fully responsible for their own actions.This is why it's important to mind our own business & stay in our own lane.

Back to your statement. Delusional fans. I'm not actually delusional. I'm very self-aware as a person. In fact, I started as someone who's neutral. It's for my own self-satisfaction to feed my curiosity. I've always been the kind that will find & dig further to know something better. It's my personal trait. I'm not blindly being a delusional fan without basis and accept every rumors I heard about them. I do observations, selectively choosing, analyzing & eventually come to a conclusion. So here I am.

If you claim us to be delusional, you can say whatever you want because your opinion doesn't represent or reflect us. Just a side note, I don't agree with those fans who are intentionally keep overanalyzing these two with every single thing they do each time. People may get annoyed by it. I can see where it's coming from. They are two different individuals with distinct originality & identity. Hence, I only believe in whatever solid reasons I personally chose & filtered to trust.

It's not my job to convince you that they're real & it's not your job to judge, raise doubts & throw hateful comments in what I believed in. No need to make others feel bad & depressed further with your painful remarks. This world is cruel enough to live in. We don't need to be liked but respecting us is not an option. Be kind.

Yes. Yibo removed it from his bio. So what? To be honest, I don't really care much about it. Friendly reminder. He removed not only the untamed but he removed ALL his dramas. Seriously, I don't see any issue. If anything, I would be grateful to Yibo for keeping the untamed there for so long.

Let me remind you of the scene where wei weixuan is forced into a situation with practicing demonic cultivation is his only option to protect himself & survive. Again, everyone is being so judgmental towards him, only to find out later- the real reason why he chose that path. My point is, don't assume something as if we know everything. Anything people put out to share is calculated. You're allowed to see things that they ONLY ALLOW you to see.

What do you mean by these shippers harming actual people? There are plenty pictures everywhere during Yuehua concert, the whole arena was mostly filled with bjyx fans led lights, yellow, green & red- all coming to support Yibo. Not only concert, they've been continuously supporting both of them in other projects and events in the past until today.

'True' fans won't bring any harm to the artist no matter how good their intention is. Boycotting isn't the answer. It brings more damaged to the artist than good.

Tell me. Who's gonna be there if it's not for them?

Credits to respective owners. I don't own anything.

Yibo. Did they really bring harm to you?

Credits to respective pic owners.

Really? What were you looking at?

Credits to respective pic owners.

Few things to ponder:

If either xiao zhan or yibo hates bjyx & don't want any fans to associate them with each other, they would've addressed this many years ago to stop. Like how they made clear stand to some of other cps & supertopics. If you ask me for proof, again, you can just find them through my reblog posts. You can easily see them right away. That is, if you really care to read & bother to know.

Let me use back your words- It's been 4 years since the show finished- but the fandom is still standing strong & able to fill in the whole arena. Just to highlight, xiao zhan & yibo have zero public interaction together since the past few years but the numbers of new bjyx fan is still continue growing until today. The irony. How is this possible? For what reason? The normal cp fandom will eventually dies down once the main actors moving to the new project in the same year. Do you ever wonder what's the reason behind this fandom to stay this long for years? Both of them don't have any same project, no collaboration together. No promotion. Literally nothing. Then how? Funny isn't it?

It still remains mystery to think of why until today, xz & yibo never clarify & make statements to clear the air that they are just close friends. They can easily shut down the fandom in one go. Doesn't it bother you to be shipped with your own close friend for years if it's not the case? Well I do.

Also, why bjyx fans were not banned from entering the venue? Why their banners & led lights were allowed to go in? This is a sign that the existence of this fandom has never been denied. Or wait. Has this bjyx fandom been acknowledged indirectly?

People may find comfort in stanning both of them. Probably, it's the only source of joy in life to some. We never know. Don't be such an asshole trying to kill it. Spread love. Not hate.

Thanks anon for giving me the opportunity to rant :)

#yizhan #bjyx #bjyxszd #ask #bozhan #ggdd #🐢#bxg #cpn

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goldenpinof · 7 months

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As much as I love the new dnpg era we're in (and Im not complaining in the slightest) in the back of my brain I am finding it a bit strange that dan and phil are currently creating the exact content that for the last 5 years they (especially dan) have been saying they are tired of making. The whole "heres our sponsor, please hit the bell, like and subscribe!" Content. It feels very nostalgic right now, which I love, but also isnt necessarily sustainable. And the idea that they're only doing it to pay the bills on their house doesnt sit right with me either.

Im wondering if maybe theres a bigger picture. I feel like the gaming videos they are churning out are to sort of ease us in to a new era of dan and phil. If maybe they are playing a bit into the nostalgia of dan and phil, to gain back the audience that they lost after 5 years hiatus, so that then, they can slowly start to transform the content and the brand of dan and phil into something that better fits them as they are now. Because an abrupt change after 5 years of being gone, would honestly kind of mean they would have to almost start from scratch (bar the few thousand people that have been following them throughout), and honestly idk if an abrupt change would work for them either, bc even with dystopia daily, it was a cool idea, and not badly executed (apart from just kind of stopping halfway through) but it was also so different to anything else, that I think people found it really jarring, because it didnt really feel like the dan people were used to. I also dont know how well it really represented dan creatively anyway. I feel like bringing the gaming channel back, and also making it clear that its going to be different, its not specifically limited to games, is allowing them to take us with them on the journey of figuring out their new creative direction, rather than starting a few projects that get announced suddenly and then not going anywhere. It also means that when they are working on things behind the scenes that take months or even years to come into realisation, that can also just be cancelled at anytime, they are not banking on their audience just happily waiting with nothing to show for it, and can atleast still produce content that they enjoy and we enjoy, so that when dan inevitably does more standup or phil announces a project or they announce a new dan and phil project, it didnt come entirely from nothing.

Idk, basically i feel like the gaming channel is only the start of something bigger, and I dont think that bigger thing is them reverting back to 2016 dnp. Im interested to see.

oi, big asks bring so much pain ehfeliwdskd only because my answers usually are also big as fuck.

what i find interesting about this relaunch of dnpgames is that it's treated like the main place for joint content. what Dan said in the baking video can only mean that what was posted on AP channel or Dan's channel before, will now be on dnpgames. this gives them (Dan specifically) a way out of the dan and phil brand. it's like the joint branding exists outside and in parallel to their solo brands but doesn't intervene (it still does with AP but maybe it won't in the future). there's a better, more strict division between dnpgames + what's allowed on it and AP and their social media. it's so interesting to see how far they will go with it. they might bring back small portions of what they did before the hiatus (livestreams, dan vs phil, spooky week, gamingmas, game series and etc) but there will be new stuff as well. i wonder if the promo for all dnp brand related things will go on dnpgames now. before that, it was on Dan's channel (tours, books). i'm manifesting ladydoor tour 2.0 if the gaming channel thrives and there will be an audience to fill out the venues.

don't forget that Dan's decision to resurrect dnpgames allegedly came only in 2023 and because of his semi-flopped tour and difficulties with the dvd. no one wants to throw money into it, unfortunately. something happened in Edinburgh with BBC (wad related or not, hell knows). this dnpgames return is like a filler between solo projects (re: they are not banking on their audience just happily waiting with nothing to show for it). and it will be dropped the moment they are offered something serious. unless that something is gonna be precisely dnp brand related.

i don't think there's gonna be a huge change in the direction of dnpgames. we missed it how it was, Phil missed it because it allowed him to work with Dan and have fun. it can co-exist. i have an unpopular opinion maybe, but today's vibes are so unhinged. it's different from what it was before the hiatus, and i'm not talking about gay stuff. it feels like we're constantly running somewhere with them, and i don't like it. too much, too suddenly. and for someone who likes rewatching videos to find something new or just relax and laugh, it's a very uncomfortable schedule. and even dnp in the videos seem a bit frantic. plus different editing styles are visible, so it's like constantly jumping on a trampoline never knowing how high. i like consistency, so i need time to adjust? it's not a criticism, just an observation.

i think i have a bit different opinion to yours :) if it's the start of something bigger than only in the variety of content, but i don't think dnpgames will live for more than 3 years. 5 max. and this insane schedule will be dropped eventually. because it's unhealthy and EXACTLY why Dan backed out in 2018.

thank you for sharing your thoughts! let's see how it goes.

#sorry #i'm not even commenting on dd #because it goes along with wad and it's a whole separate convo that i've already touched 5 hundred times reuighdfes #answered #dnpgames #un-interactive-introvert

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rimaurimau · 10 months

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the whole 1975 thing pisses me off. people cant seem to comprehend that this isnt some black and white situation where its just homophobia because its so much more than that. i couldnt care less if he jacked off on stage, the problem is that he did this in a country thats incredibly queerphobic and because of that is incredibly strict on what bands can play here and what they can and cant do/say. We malaysians don't get alot od international bands as is, so bands like this and the strokes coming here of all places in our shit hole country is huge. but him saying and doing all that did this:

- cancelled the entire event because our government caught wind of it and shut it down after the first night when it was supposed to go on for 3

- probably made the rules and restrictions for bands to play here even tighter

- made other bands hesitant to play here

- maybe even tightened up the laws on queer people here in general, even more worse than they already are

- possibly put a lot of queer malaysians in general in danger because if the pigs suddenly decided to investigate the event further and question the organisers or people who attended and those people happened to be queer and they found out? theyre going straight to jail because that's how queer people are treated here by our government

yeah there are a good chunk of people here angry purely because of homophobia, that fact isnt something that can be denied or glossed over. but the most important thing here is the queer people that are gonna be put in danger. we're already consistently used as a political scape goat. but now we've finally started to take baby steps in the right direction of progress after finally electing the first pm in our history thats leftist (when in reality he's centrist at best) and now with how matty healy behaved and what he said, our governments fear of queer people have been confirmed and we might be in even more hot water. they've already discussed about making being queer a mental illness and this might give them the push to confirm everything.

what he did did nothing but do bad. we didnt need some white guy to tell us how oppressed we are, how queer people are ridiculed discriminated and abused, trust me buddy, we've lived here all our lives, we know, we dont need any white saviour telling us this.

people will scoff at countries like Malaysia because of how queerphobic it is and simply throw any empathy and kindness out the window, but people seem to forget that this queerphobia exists for a reason. the queerphobia here exists because WE exist, because WE QUEER MALAYSIANS EXIST. it doesn't just exist just because, they're hateful of us because we are here, they're hell bent on getting rid of us because we are here.

I've seen some people say "then just don't get international bands" why? why dont we get to have the opportunity to see the bands we like? why dont we get to have fun? what makes so inherintly lesser that we dont get to indulge in stuff like this like people from other countries do? we already are barred from being openly queer, is it so much to ask that we just want to have a good time by seeing bands we love? do we not deserve that just because people think our government and the shit heads here represent our entire country, acting like theres absolutely no queer communities here constantly fighting for our right to exist? is that why people think so lowly of us?

queer malaysians are now in danger and our progress have been set back 50 steps thanks to matty healys "activism". I understand that he did it in good faith, but it just came off as entitled, privileged and selfish, especially with how he handled it after the fact.

if you're here to argue or insult me on this post, dont bother, im blocking you. im not wasting my time.

#queer #lgbt #malaysia #the 1975

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greyeyedmonster-18 · 10 months

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hiii, i dont really have anyone to speak to about this at the moment so I just wanted to come here and rant a bit. I'm really sorry if I'm disturbing you.

I have been in a relationship with this girl since January and she went back to her hometown a couple of weeks back. there was a possibility that she might not return since her whole family would shift there. what we have is really fucking good to the point that I'm in love with her.

however, things changed quite a bit in the weeks she was gone. my high school best friend and I dated for a while last year and things ended so bad that we stopped talking altogether - we would meet our friend group separately and avoid each other at all costs. one of the people affected the most by it is supposed to leave in a week for college which led to the plans of a sleepover at my place. In the beginning, we were cordial just for the sake of the fact that it was the last night together with the 4 of us. But things changed pretty soon when I discovered she had feelings for me all along and that they were quietly reciprocated.

it was like old times again and we fell back into a flow and spent the whole night talking while the others were asleep. talking about absolutely everything and nothing and then brewing tea together at 8 in the morning till we finally sleep.

it was so easy being with her again..it was so easy to forget the bad parts that I kept wishing for more.

my present girlfriend comes back tomorrow and I find myself ridden with guilt over the fact that a part of myself really wishes she didn't.

i feel like the bad guy in both their stories but I can't help it. i don't know what to do.

oh, anon, this is tough.

i think...an important part of this to realize is that the sleepover with your ex, and your ex best friend was one night. and its like...on the bachelor, when you're on a date with the rose petals and the helicopters and the fancy champagne, its so easy to love and be with because like how can you have a bad time

and so the sleepover was like a helicopter date. its so easy to be with and catch up and exist together because of the setting and the tea and the sleepover vibes. but you already tried to date them.

it ended for a reason. and after the sleepover, its likely you'd remember why you ended it, even if the vibes right now are good.

if you've been with your girlfriend for many months, there's a reason for that too.

you're not a bad guy, you can have guilty thoughts, but you didn't do anything wrong in this situation. its actually pretty normal to think of the what ifs.

but remember theres a reason that things didn't work out before and it lead you to where you are now.

#asks #grey answers #life advice with doctor grey #apparently relationships are in the air #and im over here doing my best

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zhuhongs · 1 year

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Ah yes, space. I’ve always lived my life thinking that i was the type of person that didn’t really take up much space. Physical size aside, I had always lived in rather small places. Well small compared to the average american. I ate so little, did so little, and consumed really so little compared to my peers. When people talked about how compact Taiwan and most East Asian cities were, i figured space and size would be no problem. But even with how tiny i thought I was I realized that westerners, especially were raised used to a certain degree of space that just didn’t exist here unless you were very rich or lived in the countryside. Like I’m used to sharing a room but i’ve always lived in a situation where i was home a lone alot. So I could go in the living room and sprawl out all of my stuff and have a large space to exist in. Even though it was small compared to most Americans it was rather large. I had no clue, I never had that sort of perspective. Or if I was walking around I always sorta expected to have a big sidewalk to walk around on and to be far away from everything. Or if I wanted to listen to music I didn’t need to use headphones, or if i walked around with a drink it wasn’t a big issue. But here you really can’t carry much around with you, or if you do you need to be careful about those around you, because every space is shared. Its things like being in a small classroom and dropping your stuff because the desk is too small to fit all of our books, pens and everything. Or things like buying food on the street and expecting to eat it when you get back home because theres nowhere to sit. If you sit on the side of the road and eat you will very likely spill unless you are very careful. And I was never a very careful, graceful person even back in the US when I had so much space afford to me. So being here right now I often feel very embarrassed about how much space I take up. Like I know obviously there’s nothing wrong with that, obviously we all deserve space, but it’s more embarrassing how visibly Western i am. Like i’ve gotten adjusted to this aspect of living in Taipei quite a bit but man, somedays it really gets to me. Like i’m such a disorganized and clumsy person, those are not sins by any means but man do I feel strange about it. Like I wish I could just be better at living in a more organized, well planned out way. But everything I do feels sloppy and like it messes up the people around me. I shouldn’t care about that, I should only are about me but when it’s a constant feeling, I can’t help but notice it. It makes me realize how the US is so different from a lot of the world.

I feel like this lack of space affects me a lot more than i realize. I get really frustrated about it sometimes. Like I want to goplaces and do things but like I feel like it’s so inconvenient to eat or to go study or go out and draw and as such all I really do sometimes is stay on my phone and it’s so… yea. I’ve been going through a massive art block recently too. It feels like nothing I draw looks good, or I can’t bring myself to make any art because I can’t allow myself to be messy and occupy an ugly space in my sketchbook. I want it all to be beautiful but since it isn’t, i just don’t draw and don’t draw and as of recent the only thing I do is write in my journal. And I love writing too but sometimes I think that too much introspection is a bad thing for me and it makes me more miserable than happy. I just want to have the space to exist, or to get rid of the part of my that is embarrassed to be myself in the presence of others. But I’m still bothered by it, and being here has def exacerbated that fear I’ve always had of being too much. This isn’t to say that Taipei is a bad place, its great. It wasn’t healthy for me to have this fear anyways, if I stayed in the US I’d def still have this latent tendency to make myself small, but now I moreso need to learn to accept myself as it is. My issues are just being pointed out to me because I can no longer have the advantage of knowing my surroundings to a T. Now I’m in a new place and I can’t hide from myself anymore. So I have to lay it bare and make peace with it. That’s good but it’s just a bit miserable. But i’ll be okay. I’ll figure it out. I just need to verbalize it and none of my friends are picking up and I don’t want to sit at my desk and physically write so this one will go onto the internet for everyone to see.

#🐌.txt #this was prompted by me getting on the bus with all my stuff and just feeling so unomfortable and yea... but its good.#i wanted to stay at starbucks but I just didn't have all my art stuff so I couldn't draw properly so now i'm just home and i'll make it work

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theeyeofinfinity · 2 years

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Hallowed Ground

I know you check these, but i don’t know how often. I’ll leave this for a couple days and if you’re meant to see it you will. If not you won’t. Either way it won’t be up long. I’ve come to enjoy these games of chance.

Theres so much that i want to say but at this point whats left unsaid? I’ve felt a lot more at ease the last few months. Whenever i feel myself becoming consumed by myself i sit outside and listen. I find my refuge in mother earth and she cradles me in her warmth and wisdom when i need to find guidance. Its what led me back to this place. I felt so happy finding it again. I felt like an explorer, a pioneer. None of those paths felt familiar and i took a lot of wrong turns and strayed off into the paths that were less travelled. But i found it. I had that rock face engraved into my mind and there were still remnants of its use as a camp site. I swear that even that old pan that was lying around was the same one i had picked up when we first found it. That was the first time i felt like i was living my calling. The thrill of the unknown. The satisfaction of finding what was lost. It also showed me a glimpse of myself. The paths I’ve taken are less that travelled. Theres really no guide for my road because most don’t know it exists. Yet, i find my mark at the end. I end up where i want to be. Where i need to be. When i got there i felt happy, i sat there and imagined you holding my hand while i droned on about the good things. I felt like you were there. But the you that loved me. The you that i loved. 16-17 year old us. I went back in time and told you about all the stuff we’d go on to do and the fun we’d have together. The fights and the intensity that would come. I pictured you looking at me all puzzled saying “yeah right, what could we possibly have to fight about?!” To which I’d counter with “surprisingly, a lot.” I’d tell you about all the things I’ve learned, about myself, and life. The theories and life lessons. Watching you laugh at me, giving me a playful punch and cuddling me. A grin on your face from ear to ear because nothing else mattered but the moments we were sharing. I had come to clear my mind and had found you. I felt this urge to find this place. I saved it on here so i wouldnt forget it and set up a stone pile to mark it incase i became if it was the same spot. What i didn’t count on was you still looking here. You came to find it and left me a piece of you. I’d come back on the weekends to keep talking. The walk to and from imagining you holding arm and leaning your head on my shoulder. At some point my arm started getting warmer than the rest of me and it genuinely felt like you were there. I’d have a smile on my face the whole time i was there and the last time i went i truly felt like a ghost. I felt like i was haunting that place. I’d sit out there whittling while i imagined what we’d be up to if we hadnt both died. Those two were so in love. I slowly started separating myself from him. The guy who belonged with her. It eventually became more of me watching us than me being part of it. I got into the habit of bringing flowers I’d find to leave on the stone guarded heart. I knew how much you loved flowers. A fun loving hippie girl isnt complete without flowers. They were hard to find too. All the more satisfying when i did so i could go back and show you. Youd wear them behind your ear and we’d keep on talking. It seems a little crazy when you think about it. Have i lost my mind? Doubt it. I’m not more sane now than i was before. At least this way i don’t have to feel anything but joy. I’d finish my time by hugging the tree that bears our initials. It felt like i was hugging you sometimes. As i finished up my totem, i left it there to have some sort of physical embodiment of it all. We have to say goodbye at some point tho don’t we? Whether its after a few days, months, years, or when we die. We say goodbye eventually. That much is inevitable. Its a shame ours was so soon. i feel better dealing with it this way. But my soul will never forget. It can’t because it sits out there playing with you as if none of this had ever happened. I’ll probably tend to the site for a while, during the weekends so i can enjoy the river before it gets cold. I can rest easy knowing part of me is out there with you.

39.05739° N, 77.32746° W

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ankhisms · 2 years

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going 2 briefly use my blog as my diary im doing ok rn dont worry im just wanting to muse about some thoughts and feelings on things

its been maybe like... four months maybe or something like that since my oldest friendship just suddenly fizzled out where for ten years we would talk literally every day and then suddenly for no reason i can think of he just stopped responding to me. we have each other on snapchat and the most interaction weve had is sending each other pictures of our pets and stuff occassionaly and sometimes exchanging a little bit of chatting about whatever we sent to one another on there but its like.. very much not the same yknow. like i guess were still on good terms at least i think we are i have nothing but deep love for him in my heart but at first i was so confused and hurt, we hadnt gotten into an argument or anything everything was completely normal and then one day he just stopped talking to me. ive been really sad about it off and on but this past like month or so i think that ive just come to accept it and its not hurting me as much. i do sometimes still feel sad about it, but im glad that we still have some contact even if its just sending pictures of our cats, and now im almost realizing that maybe this is for the better. idk thats not really the right wording for it but i feel like i tangled my own existence up in his for so long that maybe it contributed to my issues with my sense of self (not at all blaming him for that) and ive felt like. lighter recently where i know that i cant force someone to talk to me and i cant change how someone else feels. all i can do is care and have compassion and try my best, and ive already been trying and reaching out and i cant force someone to take my hand when i reach out to them with it. and like.. i do think that there were some times when we were younger that he didnt treat me fairly or was kind of shitty, but we were kids and i dont hold that against him or think that hes shitty now but it makes me worried that hes somehow going back to unhealthy mindsets or habits. idk part of me feels like maybe it boils down to us somehow becoming different people even though it didnt feel like anything was wrong at all or like we were drifting apart or becoming too different to still be friends. and yeah i guess thats all to say that im thinking about it and him and im sad about it but not in a soul crushing overwhelming way but in a way where i go i love you i hope youre well even if you dont want to walk through life together anymore

something else thats been nagging at me recently is just how looming and big my self doubt is and how much i struggle with confidence and not only not believing in myself but also being overcome with the feeling that no one believes in me. rationally i know that feeling isnt true and that theres so many wonderful people in my life who support me and believe in me but its linked to my paranoia issues and is really hard to shake off. i know that theres no easy solution to having insecurities like this and that really you have to just keep moving forward and trying your best despite them, but it can be really difficult in my situation where im essentially trapped in a toxic home and isolated by my parents who control as much of my life as they possibly can and i think because of that along with a life time of abuse its a lot harder for me to even to begin to build up confidence or push away the feeling of no one believing in me even if again, i know this is not rational or true

anyway thank you if you read this ily again im fine i feel alright rn i just needed to get some thoughts out. i want to learn to believe in myself and to be confident in myself

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irregulardiaryposts · 3 months

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01:37 16/02/2023

Well... its obvs been a while since i updated huh. reading back on some of those .. some of its nice ig and some of it is quite articulate but looking back on some of it with my perspective now, idk its sad but also a little cringe lol. but thats the point of a diary to keep it cringe and truthful to how im feeling in the moment. well anyway

its 2023 woooo im in my second year of uni and things are pretty okay i guess. im still a litlte lonely dont get me wrong but im sure things will get better. um. ive got an essay due at midnight on the 16th (technically today) and im like a third through it? but the first 1/3 is the easiest part cos its just explaining the concepts. anyway im behind on a lot of uni work. for no reason. at all. like theres no good reason behind it other than i need medicated i guess. maybe i really should get meds im an adult now so im hoping they can. its genuinely really affecting my uni performance i cant get out of bed most days during the winter cos its so so cold. why is the world so so cold. my feet are also so so cold. can you tell im procrastinating :P unis still lonely but also i barely go anyway so what would i know anyway. i got some hobbies i guess. anime has revived my want for a tumblr blog so in november i made a new blog for anime ToT. its fun tho i really do enjoy it its so fun and silly and i can be as insane as i want to over fictional characters. better than twitter by a mile cos well yeah. it has also reignited my want to make art, cos then i can post it and other people who are also insane about the same characters can enjoy it too. even if its kinda bad idgaf. the whole 'oh shit two cakes' meme constantly runs through my head.

ahh anyway i also like playing video games too, or ig the difference is i have the money to buy them and a decent laptop to run them on. so that helps fill the void of community im missing. i really miss people. and im a huge introvert for the most part (unless im drunk but shhhh) but i miss not being in my room 24/7. i guess the theme of this update is i need meds ToT. not that it will necessarily be a perfect solution sometimes theyre not but ig it doesnt hurt to talk to a doctor about it. that depends on if i can actually get an appt ahhhhh. i dont have too much to talk about ig just that im alive and barely staying afloat but not actively suicidal so *thumbs up*. i really do need to write this essay i would dislike to get an extension because then i would just put it off again until next week lol. im such a good procrastinator :D this definitely isnt detrimental to my non-existent work ethic.

maybe i can talk about something thats itching at me from my philosophy course. my essay isnt exactly on this topic but i rlly wanna formulate some thoughts on it lol.

so we're talking about what exists in the world right? things people would easily say exist are things like tables, chairs, frogs, dogs, atoms and molecules. things that are a little harder to figure out if they exist are things like love, morality, goodness, numbers, gender. the lists are not exhaustive but that kind of thing. and there's this concept of Ordinary Objects(OO) and Extraordinary Objects(EO). the first list has almost all OO, which are defined as being highly visible objects right before our eyes (that do not escape our notice). the atoms and molecules make things tricky in philosophy as nothing can ever, ever, be simple in this subject. anyway. EO are objects that are also highly visible objects that do escape our notice. you're thinking how can an object, a physical object, that is so obviously in front of us, escape our notice??? well you're not alone in thinking philosophy just makes up things along with justifications of said things just for shits and giggles, and calls it a day, cos that's exactly what i thought when i heard this the first time. and genuinely so much of philosophy is just postulating and theorising about this thing and that thing but its done with such earnestness and sincerity that i get endeared by these stupid dead guys. ANYWAY. the existence of EO are obviously controversial (of course) and even OO are argued too. but yes what are EO exactly? the example given in the reading was a Trog - an object that is composed of a dog and a tree trunk. no, they are not connected in any way, and no they don't even have to be near each other but they can compose this object called a Trog. this is what you can call an EO. it is highly visible (assuming the dog isn't microscopic and the tree is not invisible) and it is right before our eyes yet we never notice it. well of course, who would? but the question is do EO really exist or is it a baseless theory. well...

another example of an

#oh well i guess i did try and update in between 2021 and now but i never finsihed my philosophy rant and i never will tbqh #because i do not remember what i was gonna say but im sure it wouldve been interesting to re read it cos i loved learning philosophy #anywya

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thepowerisyouth · 4 months

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EDIT-AS-I-GO-ALONG-JUSTIFY-ALL-MY-ACTIONS-POst

First started February 10th, 2024 in the middle of the night of course. Although I am 22 years old so I should really be saying-- "it all began 22 years ago when I was born"

Sometimes I write rants that are way too long, and I dont feel like editing or deleting it in full, I'm just going to call this what it is:

A very long diary entry I can come back to later. Its got some good stuff I wont lie to myself. But its also probably incomprehensible at times so ignore it as anything but a very rough rant for now

I also plan to invite new-to-the-site people to read my blog (no doubt being exposed to the horrors within my own blog and past). I'm talking bout people who have probably never typed in the letter T, U, M, B, L, R in a row ever once, and boy howdy are they in for the time of their fucking life

For anyone who is reading this right now, and is worried that they might find something truly scarring to their good christian sensibilities on this site, then I heavily recommend using tags, and content filters before delving further down in the dnd dungeon of my blog, or especially the higher level dungeons on the rest of the site for the first time, where the algorithm will absolutely assume you are ready for the same things the rest of the demographic here wants to see.

(Its a lotta porn. Okay? I'm talking about different unique genres of drawn, or whatever medium of porn mainly. Thats scary to a new person)

So grandma-- buckle up. Jesus take the wheel. Have faith in me & humanity. Its going to be a ride to get there but I truly believe you are capable of it

The whole philosophy I'm preaching is about expanding horizons in a respectful way, so please do so.

With that in mind, in order to prepare any newbies to this site in an engaging and fun way, I had to poke fun in what might be taken in a bad way at the site. I dont mean that. I love this site. I liken my words of preparation to what you might say before bringing your transphobic family into your home full of very queer friends

If you really wanna get mad at me, please do, I love hearing dissenting opinions.-- "Life is full of contractions" as they say.-- But please do so in truly, humanizing, empathically good faith. On every. Single. Post you see. Not just mine of course. Theres a lot more to be said on methodology of public discourse that is a huge part of my philosophy so this post really delves into this

Last thing for now before this post gets even more nitty-gritty:

This is really important, but only for any person who at any point doesn't understand something I'm talking about, and is discouraged by that fact to continue reading up on this philosophy. Don't let that discourage you. I made a perfect science ACT score way back when, and it was all thanks to (and literally nothing else) the simple, but persistent learning skill which is: ignore everything you dont know for now. If you start to notice it happens more than once on something you don't deem irrelevant, than ask questions, but often times people get bogged down by big words, but really do get the gist of an argument. And thats more than enough understanding for a first read. Learning takes many attempts. People learn different materials at different rates and thats a fact

Disclaimer 1: I think the other things counted as number ones but I'm starting here with the numbering

Disclaimer 2: I'm wrong. A lot. I talk with varying degrees of confidence because all language capable humans in existence do that, but literally quantum mechanics--the core principles of our universe as we understand them today-- teaches us that everything acts with a bit of a standard error. Theres no coincidence in the universe why statistics is a field of study.

My standard error is +/-50% on being 50% correct. My point is dont @ me for using an incorrect degree of confidence, because as a trained financial analyst I can attest they are all fucking wrong all the time just like me. However, none of them are wrong about most of the things they say, they simply draw the wrong conclusions most of the time

However, if you believe that the ideals which I, and others like me, are preaching are true than you should in good-faith contribute to making this philosophy more refined, not just be a toxic asshole on the internet. I think most sensible people are past that by now, come on.

I think the last thing I can think to say on this specific point about being wrong (there will always be more to say later), is that a lot of us are inclined, in this world, to only trust things when we've really tested & read into every possible source. And that's for every right reason in the world. But there is no denying that there is gate keeping to science. Huge barriers to entry. Exponentially balooning costs to scientific study. Not to mention just like.. paywalls on every site nowadays. Everyone.

I believe that in this year-of-our-lord-mr-krabs 2024 we need to turn back to philosophy to understand all of our problems, more specifically all of our greviences with capitalism. With the important caveat that we do, in fact, have probably thousands or millions or billions more questions answered than our favorite old philosophers. Fuck yes thats exciting! Because that only makes philosophy today work even better. I think it will help us answer trillions more

Disclaimer 3: I also justify myself. A lot. I'm doing it right now. And now. Every word.

This is an edit at the top after reading over disclaimer 3 once: I think I'm defining justification the same way a scientist thinks of evidence. Also context. It really is just all the same thing. I just needed to add that because I wasnt clear about my definition below

I think as time goes on, people will probably justify themselves more, and more, and more, but while also finding ways to better communicate those justifications in a quicker, more efficient way. Like how encryption and decryption science is a super cool and fast growing study. Kinda cool and star trek if you really think about it far enough

The reason I justify justifying myself is that we have, in fact, learned to encrypt and decrypt many things through our own brains and language. If I say a word that someone else knows, than I save time by not having to jump into every possible nook-and-cranny of explaination. This bit of framing about language being an efficiency/encryption/decryption thing will come back a lot in my writings

I read that over, and told myself: "okay bennet I think you lost the point there" so I need to circle back and say that when we speak we are trying--- desperately -- to find a way to decrypt the crazy encryption that is our thoughts. And because trial and error is effective, we often just jump to saying a bunch of things that have worked in the past, in the hope that the listener will respond with the rewarding joy of 2 people in understanding. A puzzle solved, if you will.

For example, if you engage with my post and I perceive that engagement to be positive, than I will probably, uncontrollabley get a rush of dopamine that cocaine only wishes it could give. You know this is true, because you've felt it too

Disclaimer 3a - mistakes are really cool. I finally know why the Japanese have that thing where they highlight mistakes in a piece. Its about making. It. Memorable. I have a great story example on a post here, but I think most people can agree with my position that its easier to remember when you are wrong-- than right.

What that means-- this is super duper uber wuper sluper important. Things that are memorable are part of the decryption key to language. There is a way that we are all figuring out how to communicate where we utilize what some percieve as mistakes to draw in attention, then listener either remembers the key or has to find it, then both move forward, happy having solved the issue of decrypting a bunch of literally just electricity and sound waves coming from a very real human in front of you. How cool is it that we can apply the framework of humans as puzzle solvers to better communicate our crazy thoughts?

To wrap that up-- this doesnt include all forms of language, of course. But I think its a humanist framework for understanding how we can be more effective communicators.

I read over that whole 3a thing and I already had plenty of questions and dissents for myself. Going to just add for now that if we extend our definition of the word mistake, to include ANYTHING that catches the attention more than expected, than yes, this framework makes more sense.

The next time I read that over I thought I could add that people are drawn by knowledge. Something which isnt new to us just isnt interesting. We know this already, but I'm connecting it to this point.

3b - the fact that I bring up humanist arguments for encouraging memory promoting activities brings to mind that it IS HEALTHY FOR US AND HELPS US AVOID NEURODEGENERATIVE DISORDERS

Disclaimer 4: Like most people on this site, most people who arent depressed (I call tired depressed I was told I'm bipolar its what I do), and honestly all leaders, influencers, artists, actors, scientists, innovators, most entrepreneurs---- yatta yatta yatta everyone okay. Bascially, arguments sake, I mean every human being on the planet. I am capable of great, sometimes too great, emotion. If I wasnt Id be dead. If that emotion seems overwhelming, or too much, then please just take a break, or take a step back and try and reframe everything I'm saying as a deperate plea for help from a very young (I was born in 2001), very hungry, person. More on this later

Disclaimer 5: I'm ex mormon. I come from Texas. I use a LOT of religious sounding talk. There is good reason for that and there's good reason I'm giving this it's own disclaimer. Theology & philosophy go hand-in-hand and theres a quadrillion combinations of words I could barf up from the deepest pits of my mind to discuss.

In the interest of keeping the top of this disclaimer an actual one I'm going to stop for now by saying I think I'm correct in using this language so liberally, for now, because it really does work as a way to connect with people who are used to hearing that language. Most #religiouslytraumatized people I know do the same, and Ive yet to find a good reason to stop. But if someone does get triggered from my religious verbiage at all, please let me know. I'm sure theres a way we can work it out that will make both of us feel better. Probably would just be me watching my damn satanist mouth or something

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lesbiantesttube · 4 months

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its strange that i suddenly feel like a real person now. Its like, i dont know, like 21 years was leading up to this moment, like i'm actually, finally being born, or something. or maybe it's selfish for me to think that when it was a memorial for my dead sister that marked the turning point? idk. I know she was there man. like i personally have uncertain and random beliefs but whatever it was she was literally there, somehow, and like i dont think theres any way i can explain how she was there, textually, but whatever, i'm mostly making this post for myself, i Don't expect anyone to be able to read my mind on this, its just idk. We were all there in a circle and you know, of course mom wasn't there. we wanted her there, but even though our sister died young in a very unjust way, mom can't bother to care enough. which, you know, typical, but that's a little scary. i mean what if i went through with some of the plans i had as a teenager? would it be the same way? would it change or impact nothing? or you know, like, maybe it wouldn't impact Mom, but it would impact everyone else, i guess. like our sister did for us just now. like honest to god just. perfect circle of chairs. one empty one for mom- maybe our sister took it up?- and there were the florida songbirds singing and the sun was warm and bright but not blistering and i heard fish in the lake and saw a vulture in the sky and there were bees buzzing and i heard some kind of animal rustling in the bushes and we sat there and talked about her and it's like. i don't know how to even begin to properly put that scene into words. it felt the most right it could ever possibly have been. Like all of a sudden our imperfect, messy, gross family has this moment of like, "this is right. this is what's supposed to be happening." and like yea. she loved the florida wildlife. she loved every bit of it. and the plants too. there were, somehow, just by chance, these flowers I (and only I) associate with her, that I've never told anyone i associate with her, growing in a corner of the yard at that rental, and i saw them and i didn't know what to fucking say, so i didn't say anything. it'll be my secret i guess. i think we all had our individual moments with her while we were there. and then you know like we all sat around a fire getting drunk and high and we sang and laughed and burned her rose and stared up at the sky holding hands and yea i know this sounds cheesy and goofy and stupid as all fuck but whatever i mean we did that and it felt real. like i honest to god know we sent her out there. she's with the stars now or something or maybe she's a rabbit now or a salmon or a termite or who fuckin knows maybe she's still goofing around messing with people but point is that something happened there. i dont know. this is long as fuck. this is so much text. sorry man. if anyone actually reads this to the end: that's crazy. not in a good or bad way just you know. i feel like im gonna explode if i dont write this out somewhere, so thats the whole reason this post exists. i might delete this later, or i might not. maybe i want to keep this assigned to my internet presence. like. here i am! i can't hide behind a computer anymore. i'm real

#PERSONAL!!! only read ifyou really want to IDK

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galaxygrv · 4 months

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ahh hollow being close to front and influencing my (spyte) own emotions towards things is certainly,, Something. its not like its out of the ordinary for us to bleed over neutral or positive opinions + emotions + etc. but like.. this is more negative stuff (which is a little more uncommon, but not rare). its mainly bcuz they dont like any ship content between them and their sourcemates. this is not good bcuz a good 50% of the fan content we see is ships w either quirrel or grimm (and another 50% of those ships arent fucking tagged w the ship names so theyre almost unavoidable). they Do Not like either of them for almost the same reason. theyre repulsed by most people (irl + in source) and they esp dont like romance. quirrel is okay as a person (boring + annoying but not the worst to sit in silence around), and they just dont feel anything towards him and they feel disgusted when they see the fan content. feelings r the same w grimm, they dont like him (boring + annoying again !!! how wonderful) and think hes off putting in the worst way possible.

anyways im neutral towards the ships on a day theyre not bleeding over to me but the days they are,,, wow. okay. hatred and disgust vibes x500

(this is not to say the ships themselves r gross, its perfectly fine to ship them lol. these r just our hollows feelings abt it)

below the read more is in depth stuff abt their dislike of a lot of people cuz they want to talk abt it but its gnna make the post too long lol. also ⚠️ cw for calling people/relationships unreal in a serious way? idk what to call that so its not tagged but heres the warning ⚠️

our mom is okay in their opinion, shes interesting to them and likes us and doesnt get mad at us that often and almost never argues w us. our father though.. he argues with them all the time. anytime he speaks theres always a problem and hollow does Not have a filter so they end up getting pissed and arguing and then its a whole Thing for a few hours and our dad just starts screaming at a point etc. etc. they also generally dont think hes interesting and theres nothing to benefit from interaction w him. sooo 0/10 for dad, 7.5/10 for mom bcuz she does get after us for our arfid and thats beyond annoying.

also, our friends piss them off regularly. they often feel like snapping at them and getting mad but hold back most of the time cuz they know i would cry my eyes out if we even had a minor disagreement. the only times they dont stay quiet abt it is when i agree w them (typically out of confusion on my part).

they also seem to b the main source of our whole "we are the only real people. everyone else doesnt actually exist. no one has real emotions or lives, we're the only ones who actually exist." thing. so thats a bit telling of one reason why they dont like many people. this happens especially with our brother and most people we see once and never again. they also feel this when they see others in sexual, romantic/romance adjacent, or generally affectionate (?) relationships.

its.. very strange to see others be in love and then only have the thoughts and vibes of "thats not right! why are they doing that? thats disgusting, i cant believe thats something they would do in front of us! what the fuck! that looks/is so unnatural!" etc. etc. its like.. x20 strength when we witness someone we're close to doing it. we've been in relationships before, and the feeling only gets worse as time goes on while we were in the relationship.

it also happens to ANY physical touch. handshakes, fist bumps, hugs, kisses (platonic or not), hair touching, cuddling etc. is all disgusting to them (and whoever is close enough to feel it too)

its. also very difficult to get their approval. i think i understand what "they dont like many people, so dont be surprised if they dont like you" means now. they even have neutral feelings towards the other members of the system, and they only like me moderately enough to talk to me.

so uh. i think its safe to say hollow is our main holder/source of repulsion towards people and any sort of relationships. i was wondering where the feelings would come from because they seemed to come and go at random, but i think i got it now :P

#🌀#🐾#our posts #cw vent #vent cw

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flunkisflunk · 2 years

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i ended all my long term friendships; two 7 year ones, three 5-6 year ones. a 3 year one too, i guess, because she hasnt been responding. all of my close friends. i got so caught up in my gradual descent back to my worst habits that i didnt even realize how i had been hurting them; it took an audio message from the young woman i had considered to be my soulmate(platonically) for me to fucking wake up from my stupor, after i didnt even text her despite her being fucking bedridden with covid, her telling me shes gonna start prioritizing herself and her own worth,saying that in our little 3 person group, that existed inside another larger friend group, i had always liked the other girl more. at first, i didnt even believe it was that serious. then the next morning, it clicked, with her second message, a reply to my apology, and my insistece that i loved her: “i lovED you, but right now, its hard.” , and i broke, fully and utterly -- for a few hours, before all feeling left me again and there was nothing left at all. i didnt quite know what to do, especially considering the wider implications it had for our very tight-knit friend group, but i wasnt the only one in deep shit; my other closest friend, my oldest friend, the 3rd person, was also being accused of similar negligence and attention hoarding(and some other shit i didnt quite get but idk). she was the reason i texted my other friend in the first place to receive the message i did, after she had called me crying. i just remembered, as im typing this, that i had soothed her on the call, saying that it wasnt that serious, and i would never stop loving her, and i would never leave her. at least one of those things is true.

and then we went on that trip, where most of the friend group couldnt even go, because they had, as mentioned, covid, but my oldest friend was one of the people who came along, along with another girl from the group, who was the kind of mom friend/leader. it was awkward, sure, but we got over it. my oldest friend response to the situation must have been much better than mine bc it seemed to me like she had a chance at actually repairing the rift.

so one of the nights when im alone and the others are out, i call one of the friends that couldnt come bc of covid, who was also the boyfriend of the girl who sent the voice message that started it all, who i was so close with that i had been using his spotify for years, and who, despite being male, i felt very comfortable around -- he really is a sweetheart. one of the first things i asked him is if we were still friends -- “its complicated” -- if we were gonna stay friends “it depends on your behavior towards {my girlfriend} and {other people}”. i ended the call by telling him i loved him. he did not reply.

it was in that moment i realized that i couldnt fix this, that the level of hurt i caused was beyond acceptable. i had been such a terrible friend and person that the person who had swore to always love me, no matter what, no longer did. one of the kindest, most forgiving people i knew no longer knew how to deal with me. everybody was hurt and no one had said anything, just bottling it up inside bc they didnt want to cause a sense, despite how i treated them. and the worst part is: i dont even remember. i dont know what i did. i cant even remember the months leading up to this, manic and consumed as i was. i cant even remember my fuck ups, because i was so self obsessed. gd im so fucking disgusting.

i went on to have the worst mental breakdown of my life. like im talking absolutely fucking mental; i was screaming, crying, yelling -- i yelled at myself in the mirror for 40 minutes straight-- slammed my head against the edge of a door til my skin broke. i couldnt calm down. i was so outta control. and when youre outta control like that, theres only one thing you can do to calm down, and luckily i had something there to use.

so i calmed myself down, went to bed, prayed that i did miss any blood spots, and woke up the next morning to the familiar feeling of nothing. i knew for my oldest friend, her integration into the group would be easiest if i wasnt a wart on her side-- not to mention the hurt i had caused her too over the years. as the trip came to an end, on our last day, as it was just the two of us walking at the beach, i turned to my her and told her that after we returned home, we would probably no longer be friends. she asked me “what? so we’re no longer friends now?” and i replied “no. we still have today.” and we did. and then we returned home.

the next interaction i had was when i cancelled going to a friends birthday(a member of the friend group). the person id always thought of as my soulmate messaged me to tell me to pull myself together, call our friend and tell him i actually can go, and go, to not leave him hanging. i didnt reply. i wasnt going to ruin his party with my drama, and its not like my presence was a make-or-break for the party -- they were going to have fun anyways. later she wrote me that i always do this, leave people hanging like this, and it devolved into a larger argument of me apologizing and explaining my reasons, and her calling me out that my words were empty without action and that they sounded like a preachers sermon. it was the moment i told her i wasnt just ending my friendships with all of them, but also my oldest friend, the one shed accused me of loving more than her, that i think it really clicked in her head that i was serious. that this wasnt a gag, or something i was doing for attention, but i was really going to cut all ties, bloody and messy. it was then she told me something very sweet, she said: “ if this is what you think is best for you, fine. but i hope you hear a little {me}-voice in your head telling you not to do this. take care of yourself, and if you ever need anything, we’ll be here for you.” and that cracked something inside of me to know that even after all of this, her heart was still big enough to extend this kindness to me. shes such a wonderful person, really.

our next interaction, the last actual one really, was at the birthday of the aforementioned mom friend/leader of the group. i spent the first half of the night saying nothing, sitting there like my mouth was wired shut, which was probably very unnerving to everyone else there considering usually i didnt know how to shut the fuck up, drinking a fuckton on my two day empty stomach, and i got wasted. the person who came to me in that moment, as i sat there alone on a bench, was a person who i hadnt accounted for in all my imagined versions of how that night would go; the mom friends boyfriend, who ive known forever and is such a sweet person (i would always joke that they were my second parents) came and talked to me, and i, i completely broke down, sobbing loudly. i was wasted.

i asked to move to the bench that was secluded from the rest of the garden because i felt guilty for disturbing the party, and we did. moments later though my two oldest friends showed up, and so i sent him away so we could talk. i honestly do not remember much. they were sober, i was wasted, trying to have this serious conversation, and when i pointed out how unfair that was, my soulmate correctly stated that i never would have had this conversation sober. i laughed, because she was right. i would have run away. i couldnt stop crying while laughing, almost just screaming with the intensity of it. i realized that the worst part wasnt that we wouldnt be friends anymore, or we wouldnt be seeing each other anymore. the worst part, aside from the obvious fact of how much hurt id caused them, was that they still loved me. all of them. from the depths of their hearts they still cared, and they didnt want these friendships to end, and they were scared for me. thats what got me, thats what completely shattered my heart. i even recall that the conversation had a positive end, like we might be friends again. after getting home i sent the girl who started it all the google doc containing the short story id written about my feelings on all this hoping it might explain my feelings better. aside from that and a few basic messages asking to return possessions, etc.; i have not talked with any of them.

its been a month. i have a new friend group that one of the 3 people i didnt cut out of my life introduced me too, and theyre nice, and easygoing (stoners, yk).

and i think i have to retract my earlier statement because i think what the worst part really is, is that now, despite all these memories and over half a decades worth of love, despite everything; i feel absolutely fine.

#i know people dont read these but just in case:#tw self harm mention #tw disordered eating mention

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