#all hail queen jellie

[marzghost]

Vote Scar for Tumblr McytSexyman today! Do it for jellie! You know you want to!

#hermitcraft #goodtimeswithscar #mcytblr sexymen poll #vote scar #gtws #mcyt tumblr sexyman poll #he's a pathetic little meow meow please #he has a top hat for crying out loud #vex!scar #hotguy!scar #hotguy #jellie is always watching #all hail queen jellie #goodtimeswithscar fanart

[lonelyhooves]

Lonely Hooves 4-29

The health regen on that jelly blob sure is somethin' else!

(Kaz busted some serious butt to get this thing done today. All hail the equine queen!)

We also have a Twitter & community Discord!

#lonely hooves #webcomic #fancomic #my little pony #pinkie pie #muse #twilight sparkle #princess luna #hayzy #fluttercup #ditzy doo

[7serendipities]

Fairy Witching Update!

A couple of months ago, I wrote a post titled “The Less Mystical Side of Fairy Witching” , and I thought today I’d offer an update!

I did, in fact, find a tree and get it planted — well ahead of schedule. I went with a variety of crabapple that is considered “edible” (technically most crabapples are “edible”, they’re just not very tasty or nutritious) and should grow crabapples the approximate size of a golf ball. I’m told they make good jelly! And I’m sure the critters will love them. It had a couple of flowers on it the day it got planted, and then bloomed vigorously for about a week, and is now setting fruit! So, mission complete.

I think my local Fairy Queen is satisfied, too, because her rosebush is blooming up a storm! I call her the Rosegay Queen, and when we first moved in and I was examining the property, it became apparent very quickly that the strange little rosebush (which was barely more than a forked stick then) had an Otherworldly quality to it. I have put offerings near it since then, and that seems to be her preferred location for omens, as well — I once found a strange little antique watch face nearby. Once the crabapple started setting fruit, the rosebush started blooming, which in itself is not very significant because the timing is following the weather, but I have never seen it bloom this much before, and we’ve been here three years now, and this spring we were under drought conditions. I have not watered, fertilized, pruned, or done anything to encourage this rose to bloom, and I’ve watched my grandfather take care of roses my whole life, and they seem to take a lot of particular care, much of the time. I've never seen this one have more than two or maybe three blooms at a time, before. But this rosebush is currently blooming in abundance, and there’s a sense of satisfaction permeating it that I believe is coming from the Rosegay Queen.

I started calling her that after I first spoke to her and she suggested it. I tend to ask for a name I can use and share freely when I begin relationships with the Fair Folk I encounter, and those names are very often drawn from the landmarks or flora of their territory. When I had earlier explored her territory, which follows a nearby stream, I had found that the streambanks are overgrown in many places with wild roses, which seem to be her particular emblem. She claims to be Daoine Sidhe, which hail from Ireland, though she did not explain how or how long ago she came to be here — and I have not asked. I do tend to ask those I encounter what kind of fairy they are, with the intention of better understanding how to interact with them. I cannot be sure that the folkloric understanding of types of fairies actually matches their own experiences of themselves at all, but I try to communicate my reasons, and most of the beings I’ve encountered can at least take a couple of the terms in my head and mash them together or give me qualifiers for a sort of ballpark framework. The Rosegay Queen was very clear on being Daoine Sidhe, though, and claims a connection to Una and Finvarra, whom I have since begun to get to know better.

#fae #fairy witchcraft #fair folk #spiritwork

[supernaturally-yours97]

ADC Chapter 22 and 23 Memes

Okay team, I'm really sorry for the long delay with memes but I've had a bad case of, meme block, I suppose

Thanks to @jellyjay for keeping us well fed during the drought. You're a blessing in our lives

Okay so here we go!

Jelly: gives us Balan's backstory

Me:

ADC Chapter 23 in a nutshell:

Okay team, this is it. I'm sorry for not being as good as before. Things have been a little rough lately

Special thanks to @little-red-alchemist-of-doom for constantly having my back during this time! I love you ❤️!

#tdp #the dragon prince #the dragon prince callum #the dragon prince rayla #the dragon prince fanfiction #fic #rayllum #callum x rayla #tdp rayllum #all hail queen jelly #adc memes

[oasis-for3v3r]

Cloud 9 <3

Prompt-reader is a famous singer and performs her first live performance with David Bowie, doing a duet of Under Pressure on Live Aid

David Bowie x Reader Platonic Pairing @laneofpennies​ @a-none-bee​ @angelofhell323​

Warnings: none unless you count descriptions of nervousness. And a lengthy fic

Okay, let’s do it.

Was the first thing you said to yourself. At eight am. On a Saturday. In the middle of July. You usually be sleeping until 2pm on weekends since you were usually so busy on the weekdays. Being Englands new up- and- coming musician is all. 

“Ow!” you said as your foot slipped on something and stubbed your toe on the edge of the dresser. You bit back a mirad of curses as you picked up the foul weapon.

Oh.

Sky Heavens- Head in the Clouds. Your first album. Of course. You were lucky enough to get one from the store. Nearly all of the record shops were sold out. You should be happy, I mean sales were doing great, and as for the royalties-

Oh my gosh how has it ben 25 minutes already?!. 

It was a very important day for you.. you were preforming for your first crowd ever. So of course you were excited. but more nervous because, it was your first time. And you had terrible stage fright. And you were doing a duet with David Bowie. Oh you almost forgot.

Your first performance was gonna be Live Aid.

As you tucked in your fancy bell-sleeved bloused you asked yourself a string of questions. For example:

How in the hell did you get into live aid?

What song were you gonna sing with David, er Mr.Bowie?

Were there gonna be high notes? Could you even hit them?

Am i dressing too casual?

Oh my gosh, were going after Queen.

Your final though was punctuated with a hailing of a cab. You felt dizzy after you entered the car so you focused on the horizon, which made your eyes get heavier and heavier until...

“Ma’am this is a cab not a daycare” the driver grunted.

Your head snapped up, wiping the drool off off your chin. You have got to stop making this a habit. You scolded to yourself.

Every time your legs hit the ground of Wembely Stadium, you could feel the muscles in your leg turn into jelly. Your heartbeat is playing the percussion. And your pretty sure that your haven’t taken a breath since coming out of the cab.

You finally taken a breather when you hear commotion coming from the nearest hallway. You saw so many stars you could’ve swore you were in space. You saw Elton John, Freddie Mercury, Roger Taylor, Brian May, (you couldn’t find John Deacon) Adam Ant was sitting on a couch reading a magazine. Next to him was Elvis Costello sticking straws down his hair, you were about to laugh when-

“Boo!”

“Jesus!”

 “No this is David.” joked a lanky man with blond hair, and a pastel blue suit, matching your all white outfit (with a pale blue headband) making you too look like the color of the sky.

“Mr.Bow- David, hi!” you exclaimed, trying to sound as cheery as possible. 

He hesitated for a moment looking in your eyes as if searching for something only for a moment. “Come into my trailer, i need to talk to you.” he says softly.

You followed him into what looked like a portal to the personification of serenity. There were books piled on top of a small table. A kettle burning on low. With not surprisingly, a pile of teacups littered on top of the counter.  You also noticed (on nosier inspection) small annotations scribbled in the corners.

“Y/N!!”

“YES” you exclaimed, jumping slightly. You have got to start paying more attention to your surroundings.

“Tell me whats on your mind, and be honest” his voice was filled with concern, but somehow still comforting.

You took a breath- seventh one today. And started:

“ I feel like everyone will be disappointed, when they see me. All I ever wanted to do was make music that someone will relate to and find comfort in. And now that I have that, which I am very grateful for, I have to handle the price of fame as well. People put celebrities on pedestals and if they make one mistake in the public eye the pedestal crumbles. And don’t even get me started on the media. And today one of the biggest days in history, and if I do bad, then i will not only disappoint myself but the families in Africa who are relying on me to succeed. And-”

“Y/N” David said sternly “Calm down, you will be fine.” He took a breather and said.” You remind me of myself when I was younger, a shy little Capricorn boy, I just wanted to make music, and the fame tagged along. Its what happens eventually. I just used theatrics to cover up the stage fright.” “Now I just focus on the crowd as if they were one person and give them ll the light I have.”

“As for you when singing Under Pressure with me- while singing Freddie’s part- I want you to take all of the audience’s energy, make it into light and give it towards the sky.” “Give everybody hope.”

Just then you heard.a knock at the trailer. it was time for you to get ready. 

You watched as Queen rocked the show. This was gonna be hard for you to follow up. You felt like this performance was gonna be talked about for decades. You felt pity for the future generations that wont get to see this. 

You watched with butterflies in your stomach, as you saw David perform TVC 15 which bleed into Rebel Rebel. You smiled with fondness, as the corners of your mouth twitched,(which happened often when you’re nervous). When you were turned around.

Moustace, Freddie Mercury.

“Hello, Darling. You’re going up next with Under Pressure, right?”

“Y-Yes ” you were shaking

“ Well don’t fuck it up darling. And make everyone proud.” He said with a smile (that was also in his eyes)

You nodded, and he turned you back around. Just in time for you to be handed a microphone and introduced by David.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage-for the first time ever- Sky Heavens!!!”

You heard more applause than you expected. But then again it was your very first time ;)

You heard the beginning of the song, and you knew you had no time to be nervous as you started:

Mmm num ba de Dum bum ba be Doo buh dum ba beh beh

Then together-

Pressure pushing down on me Pressing down on you, no man ask for Under pressure that burns a building down Splits a family in two Puts people on streets

Um ba ba be Um ba ba be De day da Ee day da- that's okay

So far you have just been looking at the horizon, seeing the sun begin its descent, little by little. 

It's the terror of knowing what this world is about Watching some good friends screaming, "Let me out!" Pray tomorrow gets me higher Pressure on people, people on streets

This is for peace and hope in Africa.

Chipping around, kick my brains around the floor These are the days it never rains but it pours Ee do ba be Ee da ba ba ba Um bo bo People on streets Ee da de da de People on streets

This is for anyone who has felt stress for being themselves

It's the terror of knowing what this world is about Watching some good friends screaming, 'Let me out' Pray tomorrow gets me higher, high Pressure on people, people on streets

The sun was setting now, making the crowd look like angels and your outfit dipped in the sun. David was looking at you with the biggest grin on his face as if seeing his child gain confidence. The high note was coming, and you were ready.

Take all the Audiences Energy

Turned away from it all like a blind man

Make it into light

Sat on a fence but it don't work

Give it towards the sky

Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn 

Give everybody hope

Why, why, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

That was the highest note you had ever hit. The energy that the crowd was giving you was electric. You felt unstoppable.

Insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking

David was practically yelling into the mic, as he felt unstoppable with you too.

Can't we give ourselves one more chance? Why can't we give love that one more chance? Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love?

Because love's such an old-fashioned word And love dares you to care for The people on the (People on streets) edge of the night And love (People on streets) dares you to change our way of Caring about ourselves This is our last dance This is our last dance This is ourselves under pressure Under pressure Under pressure Pressure

On the final word you hugged David, he shouted in your ear so you hear him over the roaring crowd. “YOU DID IT LOVE!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU111″

You look over his shoulder to see Freddie Mercury.

Clapping.

For You.

You felt as if there was the sun poured inside of you. As if you were weightless. You found your new home; on Cloud 9.

#david bowie #freddie mercury #liveaid #live aid #80s music #icon #first look #fanfic #writerscommunity #proof #oc #david bowie x reader #freddie mercury x reader #queen #love #under pressure #vanilla ice

[simply-brightly-zee]

Folks let me talk about Crowley and sunglasses, because I have a lot of emotions about when he wears them and when he doesn’t, and Hiding versus Being Seen.

We’re introduced to the concept of Crowley wearing glasses even before we’re introduced to Crowley, by Hastur: “If you ask me he’s been up here too long. Gone native. Enjoying himself too much. Wearing sunglasses even when he doesn’t need them.”

Honestly Crowley’s whole introduction is a fantastic; we learn so much about his character in a tiny amount of time. The fact that he’s late, the Queen playing as the Bentley approaches, the “Hi, guys” in response to Hastur and Ligur’s “Hail Satan”. I like this intro much better than the one originally scripted with the rats at the phone company, but I digress.

Crowley wears sunglasses when he doesn’t need them. Specifically, he still wears them around the demons, and when he’s in hell.

You know where Crowley doesn’t wear glasses? At home.

We never once see him wearing glasses in his flat, except for when he knows Hastur and Ligur are coming. That’s an emotional kick to the gut for me. Here’s one of the only places Crowley’s comfortable enough to be sans glasses, and when he knows it’s going to be invaded he prepares not just physically with the holy water, but by putting up that emotional barrier in a place where he wasn’t supposed to need it.

An argument could be made that Crowley actually never needs glasses. We’re shown that it’s well within the angels’ and demons’ powers to pass unnoticed by humans. Crowley and Aziraphale waltz out of the manor in the middle of a police raid, and going unnoticed by the police takes so little effort that they can keep up a conversation while they stroll through. Even an unimaginative demon like Hastur apparently doesn’t have trouble with the humans losing it over his demonic eyes. The humans in the scene at Megiddo are acting like “this guy is a little weird” and not “holy shit his entire eyeballs are black jelly”

That means that Crowley’s glasses are a choice, just like Aziraphale’s softness. Sure, he could arrange matters so that nobody ever noticed his eyes, but he doesn’t want to. Crowley wants acceptance, and he wants to belong, and he’s never, ever had that. He didn’t fit in before the Fall in Heaven, he doesn’t fit in with the demons in Hell. With the glasses, and with the Bentley and his plants and with the barely-bad-enough-to-be-evil nuisance temptations, he’s choosing Earth. This is where he wants to fit in, perhaps not with the humans, but amongst them.

Even after Crowley is at his absolute lowest, when he thinks Aziraphale’s dead and he’s on his way to drink until the world ends, he takes the time to put a new pair on when the old ones are damaged. He needs that emotional crutch right now, even with everything about to turn into a pile of puddling goo he’s not ready for the world to see his eyes.

Which is why I swore out loud when Hastur forcibly takes them off.

It’s about the worst thing that Hastur could have done. Rather than leading with a physical threat, his first act is to strip away Crowley’s emotional defences. It’s a great writing choice because god it made me hate Hastur, even more than all the physical violence we see him do.

It’s also the moment that Crowley really truly gets his shit together, and focuses all of his considerable imagination on getting to Tadfield and Aziraphale to help save the world. He’s wielding the terrifyingly unimaginable power of someone who’s hit rock bottom and realised it literally could not get any worse than this. He doesn’t put another pair of glasses on after discorporating Hastur, and he spends the majority of the airbase sequence without them.

He puts them back on again, I think, at the moment that he really lets himself hope. When he thinks ‘shit, there may be a real chance that we get through this to a future that I don’t want to lose’.

The vulnerability is back, and he needs Adam to trust him. In Crowley’s mind being accepted by a human means he needs to have his eyes hidden. Someone give the demon a hug, please.

Interestingly, there’s only one time in the whole series that we see Crowley willingly choose to take his glasses off around another person. Only one person he’ll take down that barrier for, and even then he’s drunk before he does it.

Dear God/Satan/Someone that makes my heart ache. Crowley’s chosen Earth, but he’s also chosen Aziraphale. He’s been looking for somewhere to belong his entire existence, and it’s with the angel that he finally feels it.

When the dust settles and the world is saved and they finally have space to be themselves unguarded, I like to imagine Crowley takes off the glasses when it’s just the two of them; the idea of being known doesn’t scare him quite so much anymore.  

#Good Omens #Crowley #Good Omens meta #Hi hello I'm Zee and I am feeling ALL THE EMOTIONS #Those of you who know me from the Daredevil fandom will not be surprised by this #I'm well practised at having emotions over characters who use glasses to hide vulnerability #zee writes meta

[blackcatanna]

Hakuoki: The Tale of the Demon Arms of Horniness Part 3: STILL NO DEMON ARMS?!?!

I am back again to spread my bullshit. I had to take a break in the middle of my last post because I am (allegedly) a responsible adult and I had to spend ages packing up my worldly possessions so that I can finally move into the gothic church LAIR of my dreams next year.

Anyway, that is mostly done and I am on my period so, by LAW, I have to play Hakuoki. Anyway, LET THE BITCHING COMMENCE (one of these days, I am going to do one of these for Saito's route and y'all are gonna see the cold, bitch exterior crumble to reveal a pathetically hopeless fangirl)

I am so happy that I learned how to insert a "read more" thing on my phone. (It's just :readmore:)

First up: some reflection. I feel like a lot of Iba's actions are inspired by his love for Chizuru but I feel like we never get much indication of why he likes her so much. Unlike with the other routes, we don't get to see his love for her grow so much as we go through the story. He's just sooo into her from the beginning and I don't get why because she expresses, like, zero personality in his route (too harsh?)... Like, she won't try the sweet bean jelly, she doesn't want hair pins, she's reluctant to go for a walk with him. She's just so boring. And Iba has so much going for him that he's basically a Mary Sue. He just has a great life until the devs decide it's time for the torture to begin! And then Chizuru just follows him around being glum. At least, that's how I remember things going... I guess I'm just frustrated because Iba had a lot of potential but I feel like the two of them have absolutely no chemistry... Again, maybe I am being cruel to these wee anime sprites and my opinion will change as I continue this playthrough...

Anyway, WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE? Oh, we're with Saito. :) "Wasn't he hot?" Yes, Chizuru, he was

Oh, is this where we meet Sen bae? Omg, I am so not far through this game... Gonna need to stop pausing every few lines to bitch X_X

"Desist, you hooligans!" <3 This game needs more Sen! SEN ROUTE, SEN ROUTE!

"What were you going to do if they hurt you gravely?" Uh, DIED? I guess?

I do like this moment because Chizuru shows some fucking backbone! Good job, queen!

"you needn't be so uptight!" YES SEN, TELL HER!!! I just want to go for a night out with Sen and Kimigiku and have SHENANIGANS. Is that too much to ask? :'(

Ah, Souma: "He's very serious and respectful." Two boring peas in a pod (him and Chizuru, I mean)... At least Nomura is fun!

Souma's hair is so weeeeeird!

"They just wanna play with their corpses." :) :) :) Guys, this is why people like queen Itou think you need to be eliminated!

"Oh, hello, Itou. Hello to you, too, Miki..." THE QUEENS ARE HERE! ALL HAIL!

Itou is always so polite and nice to Chizuru <3

"Would all of you like to join us as well?" See?! He is so nice und friendly other than that time he was an absolute CUNT to poor Sanan :'( (I will not forget that)

"Heh, you sure are a snide one, bro..." Oh, was that just another fucking read? I thought that Nagakura was pretty insightful and knowledgeable about politics and shit...

"Oh my, what could have possibly gotten into you, little brother?" I love these two because Itou always says the opposite of what he thinks but Miki just comes right out and calls it like he sees it and Itou is just left there in despair XD <3

"Please, excuse him, my dears... I apologise." No need, Itou. I love him with my whole heart <3

"Darlings," I don't know how this game expects me to not love this man...

"He's gathering men and having secret meetings. Who knows what goes on during those meetings..." Idk but it's not like they're plotting to create an evil serum which turns their comrades into uncontrollable, bloodthirsty, insane vampires to be unleased onto the streets of Kyoto! I mean, can you imagine such a thing? That would be really bad! But would definitely require lots of secret meetings...

If the og captains are allowed secret meetings about evil shit, Itou should be allowed to have secret meetings about nerd shit! Also, HE LITERALLY (albeit shadily) INVITED YOU! THAT IS NOT A SECRET MEETING! WHAT YOU GUYS DO IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT WITH YOUR UNDEAD ARMY IS A SECRET MEETING. GOD!

"Oh, hello, Takeda..." Another trash queen for my collection <3

Awe, he wants to hang with the cool nerds so bad <3 bless him!

"Ugh... I told him to notify me when they have their next meeting." :'( </3 Itou, be nice to Takeda! If anyone needs to be called darling, it is he! Although, I guess I can understand why no one would want a pain in the ass with extortion as a hobby in their crew... Maybe Takeda is reformed now, idk! Probs not, though...

"I wonder if they're doing this on purpose, so I wouldn't join..." Awe, nooo D': This is so sad! I want to hug the seamonster! This shit is so highschool...

"I bet you anything he wanted to be Itou's lackey, but Itou isn't giving him the time of day." Takeda, the position of "liability" is already filled by Miki.

OOH! IT IS PINK! WHAT IS THIS? ARE WE IN SHIMABARA?! OMG FINALLY! TIME TO BE A THOT!!!

Oh, we're in Sumi! Cool! This pink room and suggestive music still suggests that thottery is possible >:)

"Tonight's on Sano, guys! Drink as much as you want! Forget your problems!" HOORAY!!!

"I'm gonna drink myself stupid!" -_-' Heisuke, noooooo!

"Hijikata, don't hold back; drink all you want, okay?" :) I admire Okita's efforts to get this notorious lightweight pissed :')

"I wasn't sure if it was all right of me, as a woman, to be joining them..." GIRL. LIVE. A. LITTLE. REMOVE STICK FROM ARSE!

KIMIGIKU <3

"For a moment I stared in awe of her beauty, my own sex forgotten." GAY.

"she smiled and it was like watching a flower bloom." GAY.

"Filling up on food'd just be a waste of stomach space!" -_-' CHILD, NO!

"You sound like a bum." He sounds like a student!

"Oh, I can't drink, so I'm just enjoying the food." Yas, girl! Stick to your boundaries! Enjoy things on your own terms (but you are having fun, right?)!

Bless Nagakura for making sure we're having a good time.

(side note: I haven't seen Venom but is this what it's like? A fairly reserved human (Chizuru) possessed by a chaotic trash goblin (me) who screams all the time?)

"Still, it was the first time I'd ever eaten anything expensive..." Girl, you need to go out with Iba more... After all, that's why we're here!!!

"Although to be honest, I couldn't taste much of a difference." Omg, stop bitching. Please, Nagakura, Harada, SOMEONE! Teach this stick in the mud how to have fun. GIRL, MAKE A SNOW BUNNY OUT OF RICE AND SEE IF YOU CAN MAKE SAITO CRACK! WHERE IS YOUR ADORABLE SNOW BUNNY MAKING ENERGY NOW???

"I've heard rumors that the men of the Shinsengumi were like Demons or monsters," Well, yeah... But we keep those ones locked up until we need to use them to KILL!

"But from where I sit you look a good deal more handsome than that. Almost like an actor." Of all people, she should know that demons can be sexy!

"... Yeah, I get that a lot." YES HIJIKATA!!! WERK!!! DON'T PRETEND TO BE MODEST, QUEEN! EMBRACE YOUR HOTNESS!

"Our shared appearance made me feel... Responsible, somehow." -_- ugh, lighten up! This is so stupid.

"Maybe you got possessed " XD Thanks, Okita! Can always rely on you to make me feel better!

"Maybe he was right; maybe I WAS the culprit." OMFG YOU IDIOT CHILD. YOU LITERALLY MET SOMEONE ALREADY WHO LOOKS LIKE YOU. FFS.

"Oh man... I'm just joking, kid." Yeah, these jokey exchanges are no fun when one party is such an irredeemable dumbass.

"Could you not be so gullible? It gets boring if you fall for it every time." PREACH.

"OH! I-I'm sorry...!" AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! >_< IT BUUUURRRRNNSSS!!!!

"She didn't look like the kind of person who would try to sabotage the Shinsengumi..." AAAAAAAAAAHHH HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO DUMB???

"Something wrong?" Bless Hiji-mama <3

"Pfft, seriously... That fool never quits with his tasteless jokes." YUS >:) DRAG HIM!

Time for some shameless Hijikata thirsting from our heroine...

"Can't have a party without Sano's unique performance!" XD ngl, this shit always makes me laugh!

"You're so honest." Tbf, one of Chizuru's best qualities...

Omg, Nagakura's laughing at Sano is infectious XD "I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe!"

Omg, they sound so pissed...

"Toshi, that is not the way we should look at and speak of someone who's becoming the new shogun." Ah yes, advocating blind loyalty... Let's see how that works out for Kondou... X_X

"Doesn't really matter who the shogun is to us anyway. We're just here to fight for him." Sure, throw your lives away in the name of someone you don't even respect. What a good idea!

"If we do our best, that means the shogun and the shogunate are safe and secure." Could be a good thing to promote peace, I guess... Too bad it doesn't work out that way...

"Kondou and Okita were nowhere to be found." Sure are doing a great job keeping an eye on you...

"If they viewed this as me running away... They would kill me." Okay, this is ridiculous. Kondou is not going to execute you because you got lost in a crowd. Frankly, this is insulting...

Hopefully Iba will rescue Chizuru! Iba ex machina!

"I must find them!" Girl, you know where they're going and you know the way home. Chill a wee bit..."

"I had found myself around a back alley," ....... HOW?!??

This girl cannot do anything on her own in this route...

Omfg, is this slut taking us off on a date against our will? *angry Venom noises*

"I have no intentions of abducting you." ... How reassuring -_-

I feel like the thing which Iba seems to find attractive in Chizuru is her helplessness and it's annoying.

"I was eating the treat he'd offered me," girl, are you a dog now?! Omg, she totally is a helpless little puppy... X_X

"I was so happy." FUCKING FINALLY.

"I've always wanted you to try some." Iba is obsessed with this bland af woman...

"But... Why did you bring me here?" ... HE JUST TOLD YOU??

"Was it really all right?" UUUGGGGHH!!! X_X

"How is Toshi?" Ur bf is fine, Ibs!

"Although I didn't quite remember all of the details myself, maybe our kinship came from the fact that we'd befriended each other as children..." Girl, your guess is as good as mine...

"Iba had an ear for listening," too bad Chizuru doesn't have anything interesting to say, despite all of the interesting events surrounding her.

"Supposedly, Takeda us quitting the Shinsengumi." :O Is he returning to the sea to rule his domain with an iron fist and extract a toll for all unwary seafarers who enter it?

"Yes, according to the story, he received a message from his hometown, and he decided to return home." Awe. I am picturing a large, scholarly seal summoning his long lost master home from the human realm!

"I wonder if that's true..." Well, the version in my head almost certainly is not...

"It seemed as though he had gradually lost his place in the Shinsengumi..." :(

SEN! PLZ JOIN! COME SHOW CHIZURU HOW TO LIVE!

"Hello, who do we have here? He's so gorgeous," And yet inexplicably attracted to us!

"D-Date...!?" -_- Wise the fuck up, dumbass.

"Aw, you're not?" YES, SEN, POKE THIS DENSE ROCK OF A PERSON.

"I've been her friend since childhood, as well." Well, not really, since she forgot you for over ten years...

"As you could tell, I'm a friend of her's." Everyone is putting in so much effort to befriend Chizuru and she just stands there like a miserable lump of potato.

"you do not seem to be someone who will do her harm." Girl, we have met once!

"Have the men of the Shinsengumi been causing you trouble?" Alas, no...

"Everything will be all right..." This relationship is so one sided. Iba is so lovely to Chizuru. He listens to her, supports her, takes her on adventures , comforts her but he's so perfect that there's nothing for her to do for him... No one is like that... And then the game can't even face giving him any kind of personal flaw, so they decide that he's going to be possessed by a demon arm which makes him horny... LET IBA BE HORNY ON HIS OWN, GAME!!! HE'S SO PERFECT THAT IT'S ANNOYING!!! AND WHY IS CHIZURU SO NOT INTERESTED IN HIM? SHE NEVER ASKS HIM ANYTHING ABOUT HIMSELF? WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS MAN! HE MAY AS WELL EXIST ONLY TO PLEASE HER AND, TBF, EVERYONE ELSE. PLEASE, CHIZURU, FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY, ASK HIM SOME PROBING QUESTIONS! ACTUALLY GET TO KNOW HIM. PLEASE. Is this what women are supposed to want? He's like a goddamn love robot...

"He was always beaming with courteousness... Thanks to his words of assurance, I could feel my worries melt away into the soft of his hands on my back." -_- see? Love robot...

"... The fate she carries holds a lot more weight than even she knows." Then maybe fucking tell me?

"What do you know?" Yeah, what the fuck do you know??

"I can't answer that." -_-

"There's a reason for me to protect her." Because it's what you are programmed to do, beep boop.

"... Even if you don't remember it." Omfg, I am so sick of this shit...

"All I could do was blink..." AAAAAAAAAH X_X

HELLO, GUYS, I AM RIGHT HERE!!! MAYBE FILL ME IN A LITTLE???

"What did you mean by that?" GIRL, HE OBVIOUSLY MADE SOME STUPID PROMISE WHEN YOU WERE STUPID FUCKING KIDS AND NOW HE'S USING THAT AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR A PERSONALITY.

"There's reason enough for me that I would be willing to risk everything I am to protect you." IF IT'S MORE OF THIS CHILDHOOD PROMISE BULLSHIT, I WILL SCREAM. IBA, DO YOU NOT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE GOING ON???

"putting one's life on the line to protect someone meant the biggest sacrifice one could make." Ya, Iba, wtf?

"I won't tell you. Why don't you think on it?" Rrrrrrrrrrrrr >_<

"It's not fair for you to constantly make me wait, like you do..." OKAY, FORGETTING YOU WAS SHITTY BUT NOT REMEMBERING THE MINUTE DETAILS OF CONVERSATIONS I HAD WHEN I WAS FIVE IS FAIR ENOUGH, I THINK!!!

"a little payback, if you will, for not remembering our childhood, right?" Bit harsh XD but Iba, you probably shouldn't be so obsessive over someone you haven't seen since she was five...

Omfg, how long were we gone for? I bet Kondou and Okita have been having a shit time while we've been eating castella... This is, like, the one time Chizuru should have maybe been a bit of a stick in the mud but, apparently, she has no backbone now...

"I wanted to see you freak out from being separated from us " XD Okita, you need to find a hobby (which doesn't involve killing)

"Do you have any idea how long I spent running around, looking for you?!" Well, at least Chizuru and Iba are matched in their inconsiderateness...

"Hmm... Quite a while, I assume?" Omfg, Iba has no remorse XD

"Don't act like it's nothing!" Sorry, Motoyama: that's just how rich people be sometimes...

"What's goin' on there, eh Iba?" YES, OKITA! ROAST THE SLUT!

Oh, the slut is scuttling away -_- that's no fun...

"Iba's a sharp cat." Yup, Iba knows exactly what he's doing!

"Huh...?" GIRL, WISE THE FUCK UP. HE SAID THAT YOU WERE TAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL. SEN SAID YOU WERE ON A DATE. THIS IS BEYOND IDIOTIC.

Chapter 4: The Cruel and Unjust Murder of a Fabulous Fucking Bitch (in which our heroine finally gets some fucking answers but inexplicably decides not to flee into the arms of Sen and Kimigiku because the murder bois have given her Stockholm Syndrome)

Omfg, this whole scene with Kaoru is annoying af and it's in every route so I am just gonna skip it...

""A useless kid..." He was right." Ya.

"Did you need something?" "... Blood..." :) :) :) Seems fine...

"Huh?" -_-' Okita was so right...

"... No, I couldn't call for help. If I did, then I could risk jeopardizing the Shinsengumi's secret about the Furies!" Omg ur right! And then someone might stop the turning of men into cracked, bloodthirsty monsters! The horror! Guess I'll just die :)

"I'm going to die..." Girl, that's the dumbass choice you made!

"Someone! Help!" Fucking finally...

"He was down on his hands and knees, licking my spilt blood off the floor." ... My little meow meow...

"Eh he he he he! Yes! That! Give me more of your blood!" Ya, I totally agree that we should protect the Shinsengumi's secrets at all costs so that THIS FUCKING SHIT can continue...

Omfg, I love the little scuttling sounds when people are coming XD

"... No hard feelings." Idk what this guy did which made them force him to drink the ochimizu but I would have a fuckload of hard feelings towards Hijikata...

"The excitement was over." Just another fun day with my fun friends :)

"What's going on here?!" Murdery fun times :)

"I've seen that soldier before. I thought he was sentenced to death the other day for breaking the Code..." Ya, this doesn't look good...

Ngl, I can totally sympathise with Itou's perspective XD There is no way to explain any of this fuckery in a way which makes the Shinsengumi look not evil!

"Itou was fuming and screaming." He's so valid.

"My apologies." Sanan, your undead presence is not helping XD

"Yukimura, you step out." Awe :( I wanted to hear how the fuck you guys are gonna spin this! :'(

"I wonder if they'll be all right." Lol, hopefully not. Someone should really put a stop to this shit...

"Would they be able to explain the situation enough to Itou so that he wouldn't freak out?" XD Doubtful... Itou doesn't even support the shogunate so blaming it on them, claiming it's some kind of sacred duty is not gonna help.

"Did you not hear me? I said get out." Useless woman continues to be useless (maybe I should stop bullying Chizuru... She's just so annoying on this route, particularly...)

"You were injured, right Yukimura? How's your injured arm doing?" Fine thanks, bae ;) <3

"he seemed now to be in rather high spirits." He got that good gossip, that's why! :D

"Um... Itou? Has something happened?" "Oh ho ho ho! Would you like to know?" "... Yes." XD "I won't tell you." XD no one tells Chizuru shit!

"What the hell? That's a little cold of you, having that pass for good-bye, isn't it?" As usual, Miki is right and he should say it!

"Saburo. Watch your mouth." Lol, do you think the goryoueiji keep a tally of how many times Itou has to say that every day? LET THE MAN SPEAK! THE WORLD NEEDS HIS TRUTH BOMBS!

Miki Saburo: Bullshit Slayer!

"Both Itou and Miki were behaving rather strangely." Were they, though? I feel like Saito and Heisuke were the ones being weird...

"Who's the one that's been deceiving me for the past three years?" Tea.

"You must remember, however, that last night's incident is a result if orders from the shogunate. We cannot allow you to reveal his secret." Guys, this does not look good! It also makes the shogunate look really bad! And it makes the Shinsengumi look like spineless servants of an evil master X_X

"Allow me to depart. Peacefully, that is." Seems fair enough XD

Itou is being pretty fucking reasonable here... He could (should?) do some serious blackmailing...

"But anyone you wish to take must agree to leave." Imagine wanting to leave an organisation where they make you kill yourself or turn yourself into a monster if you break their rules?

"We're going to keep relations amicable between our two organisations." XD oh, my sweet Summer child...

"I froze upon seeing the person standing on the other side." ERMAHGERD! IT'S TAKEDA!!! Love that for us!

"My heart was startled by the creepiness of his expression." XD This narration is always so harsh to Takeda, I live!

"Iba had suggested to me that it was best not to find myself alone with Takeda," GIRL, JUST YOU WAIT! THEY BE PROPHETIC WORDS.

"I found him antagonistic time and time again, so I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable around him." Valid.

"I don't plan on doing anything to you..." Hmm... Do we trust the seamonster? The seamonster looks sad. Hug the seamonster?

"I couldn't really take him up on his word," XD sensible.

"It wasn't like I could just pretend he doesn't exist," idk, everyone else seems to be doing a good job of it. Points for Chizuru for being a better person, despite being much more vulnerable than everyone else!

"Well, I figured that this'll be the last time I see any of this stuff, so I was just standing here to soak in all of the memories I've made." :O awe! :'(

"Takeda looked close to tears," :'O Takeda, noooo! Somebody hug him, stat >:(

I didn't expect to be so sympathetic towards Takeda, ngl. Perhaps it is because I too am a lonely bitch... I always find myself attracted to lonely characters... That's why I want to hug Takeda and Miki when everything falls apart and they are all alone and abandoned :'(

"Suddenly, I felt the way I did when Saito and Heisuke left as well..." Awe :'O

"he marched on as if he was pushing all of his feelings aside for the sake of pride." ... Fucking MOOD.

Omfg, Takeda, you shady biatch! What the fuck are you sneaking about doing? XD THIS IS WHY NO ONE LIKES YOU, YOU DUMBASS XD

He just wants to do one last CRIME! For old times' sake!

"as he tip-toed" omfg I want to see that so bad XD

Takeda, y u heading to where the furies are so close to sundown? My man, you are gon' get EATEN! I guess he doesn't know much about this shit, huh?

Takeda did not get eaten.

"We need to tell Toshi what just happened when he returns, and have him deal with it..." Uh, no, we need to fucking do something right NOW, before Takeda gets away!

"I could see him being able to leave Kyoto" ya! Sensible Chizuru is best Chizuru!

YAS! GET HIM! Not sure if sensible or reckless but this'll surely be SPICY >:)

"With that said, I ran out of the compounds." :') So proud of this chaotic queen! This is how my first DnD character nearly died...

"Takeda, please wait!" X_X Girl, no! "He didn't stop." No shit. -_- "Rather, he'd started to jog," XD bye, bitch!

"I noticed there weren't too many other people around..." Girl, you are so dead XD if Iba doesn't show up, you gonna be fish food!

"I'm going to assume this isn't a normal farewell..." OKAY, CHIZURU, LISTEN TO ME. THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY YOU'RE GETTING OUT OF THIS ALIVE! DECLARE YOUR UNDYING LOVE FOR HIM, EMBRACE HIM AND GRAB THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE DOCUMENTS. THEN, SHOVE HIM IN THE RIVER! Or you could just keep up the love charade until the Shinsengumi catches up with you...

"It seemed like he was under the impression that if we were to speak alone, he would be able to get out of it," well, yeah... What are you gonna do? He could kill you in a second!

"he walked towards me." So long, cruel world...

"Or... Was there something you wanted to ask me?" C'mon girl, this is your chance! SEDUCE HIM!

"Ask..." THIS IS YOUR CHANCE AND YOU'RE BLOWING IT!

"he was closing the distance between us..." YES, GOOD, NOW IS TIME FOR FLIRTING!

"... Stop playing dumb." Uh-oh... :(

"The Shinsengumi is keeping secrets from everyone, even the captains." True. And BOY are those secrets fucked up :')

"His glare locked with my eyes, and my entire body started to freeze up." Uuuggh, c'mon! We can do better!

"I was doing my best to steady my resolve," YES, GOOD >:)

"It's not like that..." It most definitely is!

"Takeda looked as if he couldn't be convinced," correct of him...

"You are completely useless as a swordsman, and yet you've been appointed to a prestigious position," yeah, that was a really stupid idea...

"... I have no idea what you're talking about." Chizuru is terrible at gaslighting, despite how extensively she practices.

"I see, you're playing dumb, yet again..." Yeah, Chizuru, what is the plan here? This shit isn't convincing anyone...

:O He has the ochimizuwu!

"I gasped, and Takeda smirked as if he'd won." Honestly, he won the second Chizuru settled on her grand plan to play it dumb.

"If I bring this to the Itou faction, there's no way they'll disrespect me like all of you have!" ... Could work. I feel like Miki and Itou will disrespect anyone anytime, though...

"What is this stuff?!" Tell him so he can use it to barter in exchange for friendship XD This is still kinda sad, ngl

Oh, I guess we have the option to attempt the ol' grabby grabby or continue our famous potato impression...

"I can't let this man take possession of the Water of Life." Unlike the Shinsengumi who only use it for good, wholesome reasons... Of course, we don't want Takeda to have it, either, though... Grabby grabby time?

"I used this moment of distraction while he was in the middle of his monologue." XD Classic villain mistake...

"I took out my kodachi," omfg, I was not expecting that, precisely..., "and I charged at Takeda." Omfg XD and neither was he! His expression right now is excellent! He looks very pretty, though.

"NANI?!" XD Now he has a sweatdrop and everything XD

"Takeda tried to parry my strike, but my movements were just a hair faster." OMFG YAS GIRL! WHO'S A USELESS SWORDSMAN NOW, YOU GIANT, FLOOFY SEA ANTAGONIST!

"I suppose he didn't think I'd attack him." Girl, no one saw this coming but I am so here for it XD

"My swing had just barely grazed over the chest of his kimono." ... Ah... Points for effort but we are definitely gonna die now...

"Damn, how dare you!" It was just a little attempted murder! Chill out!

"He had become visibly frustrated by this," yeeeeeah, that's fair...

Chizuru is now fair game to murder X_X

"I watched as a blinding flash of light reflected from his blade," ooooh, "and it was swinging down towards me." AAAAH!

"Ahhh!" XD

"blood spurted over the both of us." Slippery...

"Takeda stood above me, wearing a sadistic expression as he smirked gleefully." Good for her. Tbf, Chizuru did attack first XD

Omfg why does he look so pretty right now X_X Is it too late to switch to the seduction plan??? X_X

He is SHOOK by Chizuru's freaky healy powers >:) luckily he also looks pretty when he's shocked!

Omfg, he thinks she's a rasetsu and is gonna take her to Itou as a present XD Love that for us! I actually really want to see this play out! Iba can rescue us later! Right now, I wanna go with the pretty evil man :D

"Oh yes, this is good." Yes, this is good :)

"Come with me! I'm going to use you to make a name for myself!" Uwu! Is this a meet cute? This is basically how Stardust started and it ended with them getting married..

"No!" :(

"Stop it! What are you doing?!" Go away, Iba! There's a fantasy rom-com situation developing here!

"Iba! What are you doing here...?!" Yeah, what the fuck is he doing here?

"Takeda, upon the sight of Iba, looked almost deflated," Don't give in, queen! I believe in you! "but his petulance grew once more." XD love to see it! Evil triumphs once again :) That being said... Iba is about to absolutely fuck him up... I'm gonna root for the underdog even though I remember how gruesomely this ends...

"You like being a killjoy, don't you?" Yeah! You tell him, Takeda! >:D

"Let go of her now, or else..." You'll what? Chop his arm off?

"Or else, what?" Omg, dude, you do not want to find out, trust me!

"I'll do this!" Oh boy... Here we go >_<

"the two began dueling in front of me." TAKEDA NO! UP YOUR VILLAIN GAME! DON'T RELEASE HER! USE THE WOMAN AS A HUMAN SHIELD! FFS X_X

Welp, that's the underdog's advantage gone... Guess I'll just sit here until Iba sufficiently fucks him up...

"After peeking behind Iba, Takeda smirked." The fuck are you smirking about? O_e

Takeda, now is not the time to start monologuing. I know you're a villain but there is a pointy, angry, stabby man in front of you. Kindly give him your full attention!

TAKEDA, STOP! I KNOW YOU WANT TO IMPRESS IBA AND YOU'RE STARVED OF HUMAN CONTACT BECAUSE EVERYONE HATES YOU BUT THIS IS ONLY GOING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE! IBA IS A GOOD BOY! DO NOT POKE HIM! IF YOU DON'T MAKE HIM ANGRY, YOU MIGHT LIVE!

When you're a villain, I guess the urge to live < the urge to monologue -_-'

"He continued to talk without waiting, or even caring for that matter, about our responses." XD he learned this in villain school, I guess...

It's kind of sad that he didn't know Sanan was still alive, since Sanan was the only one sympathetic towards him :'(

"You love to let that imagination run wild, don't you?" Gaslighting: The Game, "It suits you more to author cheap pamphlet literature than to be a swordsman." HONESTLY, I can see that for Takeda! I bet he writes excellent smutty wartime romance novels, too! He can publish them alongside Hijikata's terrible poetry :')

Oh no! He just used the "m" word :O

OOOOOOH! Iba does not look happy! Takeda, you FOOL!

"I speak the truth. She's a monster." TAKEDA, DON'T DOUBLE DOWN! LOOK AT HOW PISSED HE IS!!! HE WILL CHOP YOU UP! D:

DON'T ADMIT THAT YOU JUST CUT HER!!!!

Iba, you need to fucking chill... This is creeping me out slightly... I'm not offended by this ginormous queen!

"Oh, did you not know? Then I'll show you." TAKEDA, READ THE GODDAMN ROOM. I guess, if he could do that, he might have some friends, huh?

"I heard Iba's screams and the sound of flesh being split apart." Ew.

"Blood had splattered over all of us," Ew.

"then suddenly everything went black." ???

"I slowly cracked my eyes open." XD That's why shit went black?! You closed your eyes?!

Wow, Iba looks hella pissed. I guess Takeda attended Miki's reading classes...

"an expression of fury and rage unlike anything I'd ever seen." O_e Iba, it's nice that you stopped Takeda stabbing me but it's kind of annoying that you get so offended on my behalf -_-

"next to his feet was a detached right arm clutching a blade " O_e Dude, wtf?!??

"What the...?!" That is... the chillest reaction to having your FUCKING ARM CUT OFF!!!

IBA, YOU MUTILATED THIS MAN!

"I won't allow you to harm her any further." Okay, Iba has gone from "love robot" to "berserk robot" FAST. This is very, uh, like one of those dystopian stories where a robot is given one job and it carries it out to the extreme. That's how this feels. Iba is not a character: he is a Chizuru protecting and nurturing machine who happens to like dessert. He probably needs the sugar like Adam Jensen needs cereal to power his cybernetic components...

"I sensed what seemed like a near-murderous conviction through Iba's aura." Chizuru the Instagram witch cleverly taps into her psychic powers to deduce that the man who literally just chopped off another man's arm with a sword is feeling "near-murderous"

"It wasn't the Iba I had come to know..." Iba, where was this energy when Kazama wanted to kidnap and impregnate her? I guess his core drive doesn't come into play unless she's threatened with being stabbed?? But her having her hands blown apart is fine, I guess... Maybe Iba just doesn't like Takeda and wanted an excuse to chop him into bits...

"Do you still want to fight, Kanryusai Takeda?" Uh... Can he? Is not gonna, you know, BLEED TO DEATH??? Takeda seems surprisingly chill about all this so far XD

"Y-You bastard...!" Takeda, you need to go to a hospital X_X

"Takeda was drenched in the blood sputtering from where his right forearm used to be." Yeah, that ain't good... Blood is for the inside! "He looked like an oni... straight from Hell." UH, SAYS YOU! Iba's bs is getting to you, huh?

"Never before have I swung my sword with the intent to kill someone, but... If it's you, I wouldn't have to think twice." XD Damn, he really does hate Takeda. Well, Takeda, you're finally special to someone! Hooraaaayyy....

"Iba's eyes burned with righteousness," ugh, hate it when they do that -_-

"Takeda, who trembled from the loss of his limb and his pride." Dude's gonna pass out O_O

There's something which really gets me about people's limbs being chopped off. It's so sadistic. Like, you're torturing someone by deliberately taking away something precious and irreplaceable that's part of them, knowing that there's no way they will ever fully recover. And I know that Takeda was going to hurt Chizuru and I probably wouldn't blame Iba that much even if he straight up just murdered Takeda... Actually, idk, she tried to stab Takeda first so does that make her fair game? And he wasn't going to kill her... Anyway, Iba could totally have ended this fight in a non "life changing injuries" or murdery sort of way if he had actually wanted to and, if he had, the onslaught of pain and misery heading his way would not be so bad. Like, Takeda is barely even a threat (until now)!

"If I drink it... This injury will be nothing!" Well, you won't DIE but it won't regrow your fucking arm!

"Takeda!" Oh, now you're worried about him?

"I was about to run up to help him, but Iba grabbed my arm as he scurried away indignantly." O_e Daaaamn, Iba! Iba could be more sympathetic to people who aren't blessed with the same advantages he has -_-

Is Iba one of those annoying people who resent miserable/depressed/unfortunate people for unconsciously making them feel guilty about how great their lives are?

I feel like Iba has written this annoying af fairytale in his head, starring Chizuru, and anything which threatens to divert from that creepy-ass fantasy is gonna cause him to blow up.

"It's better if you don't get too involved. He won't last long in his condition." Cold.

"With shaky fingers," Iba, I feel like you have traumatised this girl way more than Takeda would have!

"Are you all right...? I'm sure that was a little frightening." YA THINK? Meanwhile, his arm is just laying there... O_O

"How is your injury? Let me see it." NO. GET AWAY FROM ME.

"I couldn't bear to look at him, and I pulled my arm to prevent him from seeing it." YES GIRL!!! AWAY FROM THE SCARY ROBOT WHO CHOPPED UP THE PRETTY EVIL SEA MONSTER!

"My injury already healed." Yeah, stop fussing, robot man!

"Just as he said... I'm... I'm a..." Omfg, girl, get a fucking grip! Who the fuck even cares that he was calling you a stupid name! I know you have childhood trauma or whatever but you should try and own this shit instead of letting Iba tell you that you're "normal" as if that's something either possible or desirable. "There stood Iba, wearing the same kind smile that hadn't changed since we were children." ... Next to a severed arm and a fuckload of blood... Omfg, I just had a Thought: what if the reason that Chizuru subconsciously suppressed her childhood memories with Iba is because he murdered the children who called her a monster! He does give major serial killer vibes! I can legit see this happening...

"You may not remember this, but..." Either we already discussed this or he's about to confess to child murder...

"When we were little, you showed this to me." I SWEAR we did this already? When Shiranui shot her hands and she hid them from him?

"This was the first time I'd ever had trouble controlling myself when holding a sword." Is this supposed to be romantic? It still feels very robotic and serial killer like to me...

"It was my fault..." Omfg, it is so not your fault. Iba fully could have not cut off Takeda's arm!

"I... don't want you to do anything dangerous..." OH HONEY, THAT SHIP HAS SAILED! THE PAIN TRAIN SHALL SHORTLY BE ARRIVING, COURTESY OF ANGRY SEAMONSTER RAIL.

Maybe Takeda (spoilers) survives because the water is where he belongs, because he is a seamonster...

"I want to make all your wishes come true," should be simple, since Chizuru seemingly doesn't have any...

"I've come to rescue you guys!" Are you gonna help us fish out an angry seamonster? Or are we just gonna leave him for dead?!?

Are we just leaving Takeda's arm on the bridge? XD

Well, they tried to look...

Okay, now the looooong exposition with Sen... I love her but this is boring af so I will skip through this, I think...

I do enjoy Harada telling Nagakura to look at Kimigiku's face instead of her tits but I don't need to read that because I remember it VIVIDLY

Ugh, just leave with Sen. It's not like you've spent much time bonding with the Shinsengumi.

Yada yada, Kazama attacks, is annoying and grabby, Shiranui and Harada are flirting, Hijikata and Kazama are flirting, Chizuru is curled up in a terrified ball...

Harada is so sweet! I need to do his route (but children squick me out)

I'm skipping a whole bunch of stuff here that's Iba irrelevant... Here we go! Iba stuff!

"Iba daintily dabbed a napkin on his lips," I still think he's got serial killer potential...

Once again, Ryouma Sakamoto, the invisible man is mentioned. I need to do his route to see how they shoehorn him into the plot...

"However, due to certain political pressures, he was considered untouchable in various parts of Japan." These boys are so upset that they can't just murder whoever the fuck they want without consequences X_X

Such drama over the assassination of a man who's been 100% irrelevant to the plot until now...

I guess we'll be too late to do anything since this is where he dies, historically. So this kind of feels like a waste of time...

"Sakamoto died on the scene," yup, "and Nakaoka... He survived, but judging by how he looked, probably not for long..." :'( thus, never fulfilling his destiny as pioneer of cape-based fashion :'(

Why was Chizuru even there?

Of course, Iba is using this as an excuse to take her away and feed her XD

Ah, sweet romantic river memories <3 like the time Iba chopped a guy's arm off for calling Chizuru a monster... :')

"the shogunate's power is crumbling." Oh goody... X_X

"I began to panic internally." Understandable... O_O

"Iba, you're an official guard of the shogunate. Why would you feel this way...?" It's called independent critical thinking, Chizuru -_-

"A Hatamoto, like me, or some of the lower-ranked vassals, aren't prepared for an actual war." Who is?

"You have the Shinsengumi" unfortunately for them, yes... -_-

"I'm sure Toshi will fight until the end." Alas, yes :'(

Tbf, I've given the Shinsengumi a lot of shit for shady doings this playthrough but I do actually kind of love them all with my whole heart (way more than I love Iba, sorry). Actually, Okita's kind of a dickhead. He still has a special place in my heart, though. Whereas Iba feels like a poorly integrated oc (sorry) rather than a fully rounded character...

"Get out of Kyoto as soon as you can." I am enjoying how this is explaining clearly how dire the current situation is for the Shinsengumi and friends.

"Or have you already forgotten about the time that I was almost killed by Takeda?" Bitch, when did the seamonster ever even come close to stabbing your ass?

"What's fine?" Good point, Iba... None of this is fine. Almost everyone is going to die!

"Because of these powers, maybe I could be of some use to the Shinsengumi." It took you how many years to think of this? Anyway, it's too late now, hun! Shit will soon be hitting the fan!

"If you're going to be hurt, I'd rather be there in your stead taking the wound." Well, that's not very fair, is it? How come Chizuru is the only one who has to watch her loved ones suffer? These fucking guys...

"I can't bear to see you in pain..." Then go somewhere else -_-

"No matter what anyone says, you're just a normal girl." ... This is starting to piss me off... I AM THE HEAD OF THE YUKIMURA CLAN! WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING DIFFERENT???? DENYING IT IS STUPID AND INSULTING BECAUSE IT SHOWS THAT YOU WON'T ACCEPT THE TRUTH OF MY IDENTITY. WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING A DEMON? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT??? WHY DO YOU WANT DO BADLY FOR ME TO BE NORMAL? It doesn't matter. Saying it will not make it so.

"I could sense warmth welling in my chest" -_- is this better or worse than being told, "you're not like other girls"?

Iba is the Valentina of Hakuoki: if some fact doesn't fit with his French vanilla fantasy, he denies its existence

Ugh, I am so over this. It's half 4am and I don't know if I've conveyed why this is so annoying to me articulately but there it is ^

"Boy, you sure do love worrying me, don't you?" OH BITCH, YOU FUCKER! HOW DARE YOU MAKE MY FUCKING PAIN AND PROBLEMS ALL ABOUT YOU! YEAH, I'M REALLY FUCKING ENJOYING CONTEMPLATING THIS FUCKING WAR. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF ENDANGERING MYSELF TO HELP MY FRIENDS JUST TO MAKE YOU WORRY. UH HUH. EVERYTHING IS FUCKING ABOUT YOU, IBA.

"Fine." FINE >:(

Omg, we're fully just brushing over Itou's assassination and Saito's return, huh? And Kazama attacking? AND Heisuke becoming a fury... Coolness...

Here comes Sanan to try and steal our blood! Side note: I LOVE the AGGRESSIVE eyerolling that he does in Souma Hen when Hijikata tells him not to slice up Chizuru :')

"Plz may I have just a crumb of delicious, nutritious blood?"

"The Fury Corps's a bad idea. A REALLY bad idea." OMFG FINALLY. Thank you, Nagakura!

This Harada stuff is great but I'm gonna save it for his route playthrough... Kind of want to do Sakamoto next, though, because I have no idea how that'll play out but mostly because I want to spend some quality time admiring Nakaoka's cape lewk

Chapter 5: THE DEMON ARM OF HORNINESS! IT IS HERE BUT IS IT HORNY YET? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING REMEMBER. (In which Iba's slicey actions have dire, poetic consequences)

FUCK IT, IT'S 5AM BUT I AM FINISHING THIS. >:( (hopefully)

"send the sick one, too." Omfg, Hijikata, please do not let Okita here you referring to him as such!

"Once you'd contracted it, all you could do was rest, hoping that you could do whatever it took to stave the disease's progression until..." Big oof. They should weaponize him... Biological warfare Anna, no, that is incredibly fucked up...

"You have a visitor" OMG WHO COULD IT BE??? :O

"I wondered who the third person could be..." Girl, you are not genre savvy.

"Why do you have that confused look on your face?" XD I love it when people call out Chizuru's idiocy! And I love grumpy Hiji-mama!

"WHAT? Me?!" -_-

Kinda wanna see what happens if I refuse to go... I doubt it'll be interesting, though, so I'm just gonna do what the guide tells me...

"My heart sank like a heavy stone in my chest" wow, she really is not into Iba AT ALL, is she?!

"More than anything, though, if I take her with me, she'll probably resent me." More than anything, huh? War is literally breaking out right now. People are injured and sick and that's the most important consideration with regards to this situation?

"You let her get to you, too, huh?" BURN THE WITCH!

"Guess I just can't win with Edo women." Hijikata, she will literally do anything you ask.

"You know, Toshi, other than the women of Hino, I never thought I'd meet a woman who could break you down." Where the actual fuck is this coming from? I am CONFUSED.

"... Hey, shut it." Yeah, Iba, you're talking gibberish.

"I don't think the war's gonna happen." O_O

"... I have faith we'll be fine." O_O

Okay, I need to do Hijikata's route because I love this bitchy man and I want to PROTEC >:)

I think I understand why some say that you should play Hijikata's route last: the more I play this game (and watch stuff), the more I love him.

"Toshi, please take good care of her." K. Bye!

"Man, such a prick..." I feel bad but, the more I play Iba's route, the more I agree with Okita here (even though I know he doesn't mean it)

"Now, some pussy who can't even swing a sword is carrying me." Omfg Okita! REMEMBER THE MIKI SABURO LAW OF THROWING SHADE! It's only a good insult if it's true! Shade comes from reading!

"... You're sure you want to stay?" Well, no, since I am playing your route and you are fucking off. But all my favourite characters are here so yeah, I guess...

"If I had my wish, I would have you with me. Even if it meant by force." WOAH. O_O Nope. Tbf, Chizuru staying here is pointless af but Iba, you really should not say this stuff out loud...

"he drew me closer to him, almost forcefully." O_e

"Promise me you won't die." Believe me, I am not keen to die!

"I shouldn't have listened to you." >:(

"I must do whatever it takes not to break his heart." Awe! Finally some self awareness <3 We love to see it!

Welp, lover boy is GONE! Now what?!

"It only took one gunshot for war to break out." :O

Awe, look at Yukimura over here being useful and doctory! Yes queeeeen! :)

"Are they really Japanese if they won't let us eat our seven-herb porridge in peace?!" Ffs XD This is why I love Nagakura!

"From what I'd seen, the fighting must be horrible..." Yeah, I bet that she sees some really horrible stuff as a medic... "The soldiers were covered in soot from head to toe." ... Is that it?!

"Is everyone safe?" "We are not your concern. Tend to the wounded." -_-' but are you wounded, though? Please tell me -_-

"I was looking after the maimed men that seemed to pour in." Ah. There it is :'(

Even in Iba's own route, he's so set apart from the rest of the story that he's not even here... And he still hasn't made any demon vow... He just feels so detached from the dramatic plight of the Shinsengumi...

"seeing him entertain the idea of defeat seemed like something that was impossible for a man of Hijikata's experience to swallow." I feel like, the more experience you have, the more prepared you should be for defeat... You win some, you lose some. Knowing when to admit defeat is extremely valuable...

"All troops, retreat!" Yas queen <3

Awe, Sanan looks happy! He was right to trust Hiji-mama!"

"I'd like you to gather all documentation about the Furies and deliver it to Osaka Castle" hmm... Could we "accidentally" set it on fire, I wonder?

Tbf, I do want to be able to look after Sanan and Heisuke properly, though...

Omg, I want to read this document with the recipe! Does it involve demon's blood??? If so, where from???

"Inoue, do you think everyone else made it out safely...?" Chizuru, I know he's a better dad figure than fucking Kodo but there's no need to ask him stupid, childish questions that he has no hope of answering. Okay, that was too harsh. Sorry, Chizuru...

This had better be Iba...

Oh no! I know that silhouette! THE EVIL EGG IS HERE! FLEEEE!

STAY WITH BEST DAD, CHIZURU! BACK AWAY FROM THE EGG MAN!

IF HE HURTS INOUE, I AM GOING TO KICK OFF!!! >:(

"... My, how beautiful you've become." Given where his story goes, this is CREEPY!

"Where were you all this time?" Yeah, the fuck?! (But also, Chizuru, you probably do not want to know... But you need to know so that you will run from the egg!)

"I was taken captive" ... Was he? Hmmm... -_-

"What if you were caught up in all this needless violence and someone were to hurt you...?" Hmm... So far, so reasonable... I STILL DO NOT TRUST THE EGG, THOUGH!

"Unfortunately, I have no intention of going to Yodo Castle. Actually, you won't be going, either." Oh boy... Here we go X_X

"What father said had seemed a little strange," GIRL, RUN! I totally get why you are not but this egg is baaaad!

"The pieces weren't adding up," YES, CHIZURU! OVERCOME THE COMPLEX EMOTIONS SURROUNDING THIS LONG AWAITED REUNION TO ANALYSE THINGS LIKE A QUEEN AND MAKE GOOD CHOICES!

"Inoue stepped in front of me, guarding me" :') Best Dad! Inoue, be careful :'O

"*Gasp*!" - Jocelyn Foxx

"I sensed someone was standing behind me." Omg, the fuck?! So creepy!

OMFG IT'S TAKEDA?!? HOW DID NOBODY NOTICE THIS GIANT SEAMONSTER APPROACHING???

He looks so chilled out XD

"I heard that you had passed away after suffering a serious stab wound." Takeda, if you hurt Inou-bae, I am going to be so mad D':

"Yes, I am alive... Thanks to that old man, I have been saved." I am now picturing Kodo with a giant net, cackling like Smeagol, fishing for half-dead samurai to perform evil experiments on...

"What...?!" Inoue, smile! Takeda's alive! His glorious purplish hair remains! Celebrate!

"Father had saved Takeda's life?! A man who called me a MONSTER," OMFG GIRL, you need to get the fuck over this already. People are literally dying, IBA CUT OFF TAKEDA'S FUCKING ARM and you're still upset because this idiot called you a name? Yes, words hurt, feelings are valid, blah blah but this is just so infantile... Also, how would Kodo even know this about Takeda?

"Nothing can hold you back now." I WILL BITE YOUR FUCKING FINGERS OFF IF YOU DON'T WITHDRAW THEM RIGHT NOW!!!

"Yukimura, can you trust Kodo?" HELL TO THE NO!

NOOOO! INOUE, PUT AWAY YOUR SWORD! THEY GON' HURT YOU D':

"Time for you to go on ahead." Nooooo! Inou-bae! We can flee together D':

"It was as if he didn't expect to come back with me eventually." Noooo! How come Inou-bae doesn't get ochimizu??? :'(

YES GIRL, RUN!!!

"... Good girl." And in that moment, Inoue cemented his place as the One True Dad :'( <3

XD I love how much taller than Kodo Takeda is!

"Bet ya it's an animal, or something." Not an animal, a MONSTER! (rawr XD )

Girl, your life is in danger! Kindly pause the romantic slideshow!

"Iba had always shown me tremendous kindness, and he seemed to want what was best for me." ... Sounds kinda like she's looking for a dad replacement already... Although, I guess these are very important bf qualities, too...

"Every ounce of energy left in me was leaving me," damn, guess I'll die...

Oh wait, the boyf is here! "A pair of warm arms caught me delicately." Is this... Heaven?

"The shogunate army has fallen almost everywhere," ... Ah. Oh dear.

"why are you by yourself?" :'( :'( :'(

OH FFS! HOW IS THE FUCKING EGG HERE??? HE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK TIRED! THIS IS SO CREEPY AND HORROR MOVIE ISH!

"You sure have grown up." IGNORE THE EGG, IBA! HE IS EVIL!

"Mind handing my daughter over to me?" ... Subtle... -_- Kodo could be devastating if he was better at deception...

"Iba became immediately suspicious of Father " Good boy! :3

"Out of the darkness emerged Takeda, like a ghoul summoned from the shadowy mist." X_X XD Once again, the Takeda descriptions are both shady and excellent!

"I have been waiting for this day!" Honestly, fair...

"... Y-You're still alive after what happened to you?" What, like an "act of god" more like, after what you did to him, Iba! You fully cut his arm off and left him to drown/bleed to death X_X

"'Still alive?' No, I have been resurrected! Why, you ask? So I can kill you!" Good to have goals :)

"Takeda laughed maniacally," he's levelled up his villain game, I see! Love to see it!

Pointy fingers :)

"Your arm! You have an arm again?!" Iba, there is a sword heading towards your face right fucking now, of course he has a fucking arm, MAYBE TAKE YOUR SWORD OUT AND DEFEND YOURSELF!!?

Okay, good job!

"Na... ni?!" Oopsie, chopping him made him stronger! Shouldn't have lost your temper!

"I SAW Iba cut Takeda's arm off!" He got better, okay?!

"What the hell... I know for a fact that I cut your arm off..." Honestly, I feel like you should be congratulating him on his miraculous recovery...

"Does my arm bother you that much?" Not yet XD but it will...

"Takeda smirked sadistically, his eyes gazing down upon Iba as he broke into laughter." Hmm... It's nice to see him kinda happy for once but he seems a wee bit crazy...

Lol, Chizuru! But late to be getting flashbacks to Sanan telling you, "I suggest that you do not provoke him any further." BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, NOW HE'S FINALLY FUCKING SNAPPED, GOOD JOB GUYS!

Should have fucking listened to Sanan...

Oooh! Long, snowy white hair :D

"Takeda wore a confident, menacing grin." All I see is a very pretty face <3 Hey, maybe if Iba was more interesting, I wouldn't get distracted by Takeda!

"Is this man... REALLY my father?" Well, yes and no... Point is, he's a creep!

"I was unable to replace his arm with a human's" oh dear... I bet those experiments were a fun time...

"This is... my Demon's arm!" ... o_o Hello, Takeda's Demon's arm...

"Takeda flexed his right arm, which was wrapped in thick, bloody bandages." ... Niiiiice -_- Where the fuck does one even find a random demon arm? I guess you can't get one just from any demon, right? Because it's a special magic (horny) arm and there's only one other (guess where that fucking ends up...)

"As the bandages were torn off the arm, we all witnessed the gruesome abomination that was placed where Takeda's arm used to be..." UM, EXCUSE YOU! HE HAS SICK TATTOOS! HE IS WEARING NAILS 2 DIE 4! WE STAN!

"This can't be..." I mean, tbf, Iba, your route only gets more fucked up from here, soz (should have listened to Sanan bae, my dude)

"Ha, I'm a changed man." For the better, right? :D .... For the better, right? :O u gonna stop doing crime, right???

"I'm powerful now. Reeeeeeal powerful. So powerful, I'm unstoppable!" Oh dear. He crazy. Iba, I blame you for this, just saying!

"You're just a dojo bitch!" Omg, Takeda has been taking shit talking lessons from Kazama!

"Iba, watch out!" No shit -_-

"You're like a newborn turtle crawling out of water." Takeda, your seamonster heritage is showing...

"It was clear who's strength was greater." Oh, how the tables have turned... Was Iba right to stop Takeda doing crime? Absolutely! Should he have taken every opportunity since then to use his superior social status and swordsmanship to undermine and humiliate (and then maim) Takeda... Eh... Maybe not. Not saying he deserves what's coming but he could have been a better person, I think...

"Takeda's technique better resembled a wild beast's." Again with the shady comparisons :')

"What'll you do if you're sucked in?" Die?!

"Come to think of it, you cut off my arm. Just like THIS!" Ah, sweet revenge :)

"Iba! Please tell me if you're alright, Iba?!" Girl, look at that boy's face!!! Does he look fucking alright?!

"His left arm was sliced open, leaving what looked like a severe disfigurement." Hey, it's still attached! I guess that's good... Ish?

"The bone was snapped, and his flesh and muscles were torn apart, oozing blood on the rocks..." Yeeeeeah, that's... Baaaad...

"I'm surprised he hadn't fainted from the shock." I'm surprised Takeda didn't faint when Iba cut his fucking arm off...

"He wielded such incredible courage and willpower to maintain consciousness--it was almost godlike." Okay, calm down.

"Take that, Hachiro Iba! Doesn't feel too great, does it?!" Well, he would know... I feel like Takeda handled this better, though XD

"Takeda sneered over Iba, laughing to himself." ... Well, at least someone is having fun X_X

"Sounds like you want me to cut off your right arm too, is that it?" As a fury, I feel like the smart thing for Takeda to do here would be to drink Iba's delicious, nutritious blood instead of chopping more bits off of him but what do I know?

"Or... do you wanna be just like that little beast over there, too?" O_e What does that mean??? I don't like the sound of that! Takeda, what are you planning?

"I... still have my right arm." Iba, now is not the time to be pointing these things out ..

"Even if you took my other arm and both of my legs away..." Iba, maybe don't give him ideas, yeah?!

"The tender glow of nostalgia began to sparkle inside of me..." Don't care.

"This was so anticlimactic." XD Takeda, you dramatic bitch!

"What a sight to see someone so dedicated to a promise he made, even on the verge of death." Girl, you can have him, I just can't seem to get into this...

"You should be ashamed of yourself!" Well, being a shit is Kodo's whole deal and I think he's doing a very thorough job of it!

"I can only assume you are well-prepared to accept the punishment." Omg, I want to see Sen and Kimigiku murder Kodo so badly...

"I will be dealing with you." YES, KIMIGIKU! GET THE SEAMONSTER! "You will receive no mercy from me." Yes queeeeeeen!

"I'm not sleepy at all." Girl, you are going to DIE. SLEEP.

"I need to speak with you, if you have a moment." But sleeeeeep!!!

Way to fail at having a secret conversation about Iba, guys...

"Oh no, Iba... Are you going to be okay?!" Sure! Just like Sanan was okay when he lost the use of his arm!

"... I apologise for that." Ew, emotions! Jk, emotions are sexy! More of those, please!

"My inability to use my sword does not mean that I am no longer a warrior." We stan a well adjusted queen!

"If I end up losing my right arm, I have my legs and mouth." ... An image of Iba kicking Takeda to death just flashed through my brain...

"So, had he been able to regenerate his arm after being severed, or did it regrow...?" Boi, were you not listening?!?

"However, my story is a rather long one." FUCK... guess it takes a lot of waffle to make The Demon Arms of Horniness make any kind of sense...

"she turned like she'd heard something" uuuugh, what now?!??

Lol, that was close... Just realised I was on 1% battery and I haven't saved this shit in a while...

"That angry Takeda fellow" XD fair enough, he is that!

"a battle with a neighboring clan of humans resulted in the then-current Demon Lord to lose both of his arms." As one does...

"Attaching this arm, it was said, to any creature, especially humans, would result in untold catastrophe." Hmm. Sounds bad. So why keep them?

"I hadn't told you then, and I should have," ffs X_X no-one tells me nuthin'!

"he was creating a new generation of Furies to sell off to domains." Slave vampire army, goody...

"Somehow, he was able to steal the Demon's arm which had been guarded safely by our clan for ages." Probably only because no one wanted a stanky old calamity inducing arm!

"Why had father done such a thing?" Fuh teh evulz! 3:D

"many Demons were killed..." Wow, Kodo. How does one become such a cunt, I wonder?

"I want power..." Iba, no!!! This is how Takeda became so fucked up X_X You got defeated one time and this is what happens???

Oh ffs... I knew this would happen but there's still part of me that's incredulous when they pull out the horny demon arm and suggest whacking it on Iba X_X

I feel like this is maybe trying to fight fire with fire... The world maybe does not need more demonic sword bois...

This arm does everything the writers need: it justifies Iba nit being involved in the Shinsengumi plot, it lets him be horny without being horny and it makes him able to fight Takeda!

Is there nothing in the stories about the arm making people aggressively horny because I feel like that is important to mention...

"I am sure that the demise of the shogunate army is inevitable... So, for me, there is nothing to think about." ... You really don't give a shit about anything but Chizuru, huh?

I mean, where is the conflict?

"I think being human is overrated anyway." Thank you, that is much nicer than aggressively insisting that Chizuru is "normal"

"Some kind of weird, healing monster!" When you say it like that, it really does sound dumb as fuck...

"Is it so bad to be different than other people?" Babby Iba best Iba!

"If anyone makes fun of you, I'll beat them up!" ... And thus, the killing spree began...

"If it means I can spend another day looking into your beautiful face, I will forfeit my humanity." ... Entirely unnecessary! Girl, tell him you won't throw him in the garbage because his arm is damaged!

"Please, for me, my love." Omfg, this escalated so quickly...

"My love for him" oh, so you love him now?!

Takeda did a good job of a non lethal takedown on Kimigiku! Maybe the horny arm is against the harming of female demons ..

"Too slow, dumbass!" Takeda, don't ever change <3

"Na...ni?!" Yeah, how the fuck did Iba just now attach that fucking arm to himself? What happened to his old arm?!? Did he chop it off? When?!?? THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!?!

"Takeda's eyes were wide with shock." Ya, same...

"W-What's with your arm?!" -_- Takeda, dude, come on!

"Why are you asking such a foolish question?" Tell him, Iba!

"puffing his chest and arms up confidently." Iba, this macho shit is part of the reason we're in this mess!

"Yes. Just like you." You guys should be frieeeends! They have more chemistry than Iba and Chizuru (but that's not saying much...)

"The difference between you and me is that I've invited this power unto myself willingly." ... And inadvertently forced it upon Takeda... Is that the point you're trying to make? It doesn't make you look good, Iba!

"the way, we use these powers will be for separate purposes." Nooooo! Team! >:(

"Do you want to die from your own stubbornness?" I would never go as far as to suggest that Kodo is good for Takeda but this is a good point here...

"next time we meet I'm slicing off that pretty head of yours." Uwu! Second date! Iba, Takeda thinks you're pretty! Tell him he's pretty too! He must put so much effort into his hair! Kindly acknowledge it!

"They killed Gen," NOOOOOOOO :'(

"Yeah, he's gone. It wasn't pretty..." O_O What does that mean???

"I'm fine, ignore this undead, bandaged demon arm attached to me!"

"Lord Yoshinobu bitched out and fled to Edo" <3 can always rely on Hijikata to phrase things so eloquently! That's not sarcasm, I think his use of language is exquisite!

"Please, keep our secret safe for me." Omfg, please do not say such things where people are listening!

Frends :3

Final Chapter: THANK FUCKING GOD

HOW IS THE YAM?!??

"I wanted to say goodbye before I left for Edo." BITCH, THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!?? YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FIGHT IN THIS WAR AND YOU VOWED TO PROTECT ME SO KINDLY STAY HERE AND HELP US HUNT DOWN THE EVIL EGG AND TAKEDA!!!

"It was expected that Takeda would have wanted to exact revenge on me..." Yas! Don't let dumb girl blame herself for more shit!

God, Chizuru's eyes are fucking enormous.

"Please stay with me, even just a moment longer." You could, you know... Not leave?!

"What had gotten over him...?" Oh no XD could this be the eponymous hero of our story finally taking effect! Watch out, Chizuru!

Yada yada, romantic stuff... I am too tired for this shit and I don't feel the chemistry here at all...

There, done! Sorry, Iba, I short changed you at the end, certainly. You were saying some lovely (and creepy) things but I could not summon the energy to care, honestly. Can't wait for Edo Blossoms where they really double down on the WEIRDNESS!

#hakuoki #kyoto winds #hakuoki ramblings #iba hachiro #takeda kanryusai #omfg I am so tired #this was a terrible idea #sorry iba fans #i just don't like his route #blah blah blah

[officialpapapump]

Reapers in Space

So I’ve never made a tumblr post before, but I’m writing a different story with the same concept that I have of the Reapers. They’re not the Grim Reaper or anything, just an organization of high level assassins and warriors within the human race. Just an idea I figured I’d share. More to come later! I’m not nearly finished with this particular story. Enjoy!

The planet below had been at siege for 3 months. 3 months, and the cities were already running out of supplies. Hunger was a necessity. Disease was rampant. Death was welcomed as an old friend. The Kiyagu had been a peaceful race up until a few years prior. They were large, their smallest standing at an even 6 units tall. Two legs, four arms, excreting a jelly like substance that hardened with age, until it was nearly impenetrable by adulthood. They started their war by sweeping their way across the outer rim of the known galaxy, taking up empty planets and civilizations before hardly anybody knew what was going on. Now they were here, laying siege to the Mezoons, a birdlike, peaceful race who had never fought a war in their lifetime. They weren’t even a part of the Galactic Alliance, so why the Kiyagu found them worth the time and effort, nobody knew. At least, that’s what Captain Hink thought. Hink was neither Kiyagu nor Mezoon, he was Stantu in origin. What the humans called “octopus” he called normal, though he couldn’t see the uncanny resemblance from his body form and tentacles to that of one of Earth’s underwater creatures. He clicked his beak in frustration. The Kiyagu had blockaded this planet that lay before him with such efficiency that he had lost 3 ships already to their plasma cannons. In every battle plan he had been sent by his superiors, and every plan he himself had come up with, the projected results always ended in his fleet either being repelled or destroyed. The only feasible plan any of them had was to wait for reinforcements and take the blockade by force, but the nearest ships who could actually do anything were thousands of light years away, unable to help the fleet get through any time soon.

Captain Hink turned away from the consoles laid out on the pedestal before him. He couldn’t deal with watching his failure any longer for this cycle, whether it be on the screens in front of him or the view ports beyond those, that made up the far wall of the command center. “Captain!” called an assistant shipmaster. “Incoming hailing, human in origin!” Captain Hink turned back, and said “I’ll take it on screen 2.” He mounted the podium and opened the line. “This is Captain Hink of the Queen Azrael. To who am I speaking to?” There was static across the screen for a moment before the signal cleared and a human face grew into focus. “This is Captain Baldwin of the Halcyon class Shadow’s Regret. We’re here to assist, Captain. Dropping out of slip space now.” One of the largest ships Captain Hink had ever seen dropped out of slip space in his view port. “We have supplies for the planet below, Captain. Have you found a way through their blockade yet?” Captain Baldwin asked. “No” said Hink. “Not a single plan we’ve come up with or received has had any chance of working, and even with a ship that big, I doubt you’ll have much success either.” He saw Baldwin nod on screen. Humans and their silly gestures. He didn’t even know what emotion or meaning that motion was supposed to convey. “Regardless” said Baldwin, “The nearest convoy are months away, meaning we’re all that planet has to rely on. We’ve got to try our best.” “Captain, you are not a military class vessel. There is nothing you can do about that blockade” said Hink. “I think you’ll find our services to be more than enough” he said. “I might have a plan. You ever hear of a human tactic called ‘blockade running?’ I think I might know exactly what to do. I’m officially taking command here, Captain Hink. I hope you don’t mind.” Captain Hink said nothing, for while what Captain Baldwin said was clearly asking permission, it sounded like Hink had no choice in the matter at all. He waved one of his tentacles across the screen, ending the video call. “Let’s see what this human can do” he said. He hated to lose another ship to the blockade, especially one that had fresh supplies. At least his crew could use some fresh food and water, since they weren’t going through the blockade anyways. He pushed a nearby button, and an anti-gravity well appeared around him and started levitating him off the ground. His species couldn’t stand on their tentacles for very long, so they often used these anti-gravity wells to help them keep upright throughout their days of work.

An open communication signal beeped on one of his screens, and he brought it up. It was Captain Baldwin again, but instead of being a one on one video call, it was a broadcast. “This is Captain Theodore Baldwin of the Reaper sanctified Shadow’s Regret. This is an open hailing to all ships and communication devices in system. Attention all Reaper Field Agents, this is a priority one hailing. I repeat, this is a priority one hailing. All Reaper Field Agents in the system are requested by authority of myself, Reaper Adjudicator, to report to armory bay 3 of the Shadow’s Regret for planning of blockade assault. You are required to appear in full combat uniform. Extra weapons and armor will be provided if you do not currently have access to the necessary equipment. We await your arrival.” The screen went dark again. Hink chuckled to himself. “As if there are any Reapers in system. They’re all just space-fairing myth.” 2 of his bridge commanders all of a sudden signed off of their computers and stood up, walking to the doors. Hink said “Where do you two think you’re going? Your shifts aren’t over yet!” Instead of saying anything, they both reached into their collars and pulled out an identical necklace. It was a silver human skull, no larger than the length of a standard human’s thumb from what he could see, and its jaw was open as far as it would go, as if in a perpetual scream. It was the mark of the Reapers, a group Captain Hink had wholeheartedly believed was a lie sailors told in bars to impress potential mates, until now. He was too stunned to say another word, and watched as they strode off the deck. He pulled up the security cameras and tracked them all the way to their quarters, where they went in for a minute or so and then came back out, each carrying what the humans called a duffel bag. They both walked shoulder to shoulder down to hangar bay 4, where they had their pick of vessels to use. He had assumed that they might try using one of the larger, faster vehicles, as humans are attracted to those over others for some reason. Instead, they chose a smaller, lighter craft. They were walking up the ramp when a human security guard came rushing over. Hink couldn’t hear audio, but it was clear to the guard that these men were not supposed to be there. He stopped mid sentence when they both pulled out their skull insignias. He snapped to attention immediately and saluted them both, turned on his heel and walked away. Captain Hink was furious. He could not believe that these two men had simply strode all the way off of his ship. He turned off his screen with disgust. He wanted nothing more to do with these silly “Reapers” on their suicide mission.

#humans are space orcs #humans are awesome #fantasy #space #humans are weird

[xadianwolf]

☀️Book III: Sun☀️

🖤Hearts of Cinder🖤

- Stop abusing Adoraburrs, Claudia!

- Gonna tip-top into to the top of the Storm Spire

- Poor Soren

- Oh shoot, Lux Aurea is doomed...

- Flirty!Rayllum

- I wonder how The Light staff works...

- Oh no, they can't breathe!

- Pijama!Viren

- Yeah, Amaya!

- Oh shoot, oh shoot, oh shoot

- ....This is why I don't get why people think Aaravos is hot. Dude just murdered a Sunfire Priest by taling over his body and disintegrated Khessa while being all smily about it...

- Pyrrah is back!

- Poor Kasef. Yes, Soren, run away!!!

- These two just can't keep their lips to themselves, can they?

- The funniest part about all of this is that Bait realized first...

- Noooooo, Dark!Sibs

- JUST RUN AWAY, ARMIES! IS IT THAT HARD?! (It's a pretty scary scene, but it would've been waaay more brutal if everyone started to run away, only to be caught with the Hearts of Cinder spell or turned into Sun!Soldiers)

- Woooo, they made it!

- Way to ruin mood, Ibis

🛡️Dragonguard🛡️

- I headcanon that Ibis kept the secret that Zubeia was in a coma in order to not worry others. Still very stupid thing to do though

- Poor Zym

- Zubeia's tail curled around Zym's nest 😭...

- Rayla is opening up and Callum is being supportive

- Should've taken off your armor before climbing the Spire then, Soren

- Yeah, Callum, show him!

- Stop it with tge self sacrifice, Rayla!

- Aaaand they're arguing

- Rayla is still mad at Callum when he comes back, but doesn't turn him away, listening to him instead. And she's ready to listen to him when he has proof

- Tiadrin and Lain are honestly such underrated heroes. Without them, Zym's egg would've definetly been destroyed and all would've gone up in chaos

- I'm honestly a bit surprised that Rayla was confused at what to do

- Okay, Soren, you're one of the good guys now

- Amaya amd Janai are back. Wait, how did they get to the Spire if they didn't know Virus was heading there?

- Yes, they're gonna find help!

- Oh shoot, they're almost there!

⚔️The Final Battle⚔️

- I love how, with just a touch of her hand, Rayla is able to bring Callum back to the present and remind him to focus on what they still have

- Soren, you idiot!

- It's clear that Callum's not ready to forgive Soren just yet. A very good detail

- Amaya loves her idiot nephew and Rayla loves her dorky human

- Wooooo, Rayla!

- That Two-Tailed Inferno Tooth Tiger is named Flamma (blaze in Latin) and noone can convince me otherwise

- Way to break the tension, Sun!Kasef

- I dunno why, but the image of Claudia about to yeet that Noctu Igne fireball while her horse just gives off massive 'yeah whatever' vibes is weirdly hilarious in it's own way

- OH SHIT!!!

- Ezran and Ibis are back with other dragons!

- Ezran doesn't deserve this violence!

- Oh no, Sun!Soldiers aren't affected!

- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO PLANNING?!

- Zym's ready

- 😭😭😭

- Callum totally positioned himself there to protect Rayla from any Sun!Soldiers

- Queen Aanya to the rescue!

- Duren to the rescue!

- The way TDP Crew managed to put Barius in there as a comic relief of sorts (fighting with a rolling pin and jelly tarts) without ruining the vibe is very impressive

- Yes, Ezran!!!

- Marcos gets a new friend...or even more 😏...

- The rift between Dark!Sibs

- What the fuck was that?!

- Oh no, Rayla and Zym!!!

- Woooo, Bait!

- *hears the spell* NOPE!

- Okay, can we talk about this fucking scene?! Zym is paralyzed, in pain as his life essence is being harvested and he can't do anything because he's scared while THESE FUCKERS are screaming over how his power is making them stronger?!

- Zym's whimper still haunts me...

- NO, RAYLA!

- You know, for a while I thought that Callum going after Rayla felt very out of place. I don't even know why. Maybe because part of me wished this season to have a sort of bittersweet ending with Rayla dying and Zym reuniting with his mom while Callum is heartbroken and then the rest of the series focusing on him getting over the grief. But after letting my thoughts stew I realized that it ACTUALLY makes sense for Callum to do that. He works very well under pressure, has always been ready to do whatever he can to protect his loved ones AND at the end of every season has done something to save someone else (smashing the Primal Stone to save Zym, using Dark Magic for Pyrrah and Rayla and now this). Or I was just jealous becaise Rayllum is such a good and healthy ship and I was cranky over it.

- Yes, he caught her!

- Take that, Virus!

- The confession and Spinny Wing Kiss!

- All hail King Ezran!

- Also a little background detail I noticed: Marcos is with Sabah!

- Yes, Zubeia's waking up!

- The end...or is it?

- Claudia, what have you done?!

- I don't like it....I don't like it AT ALL.

#the dragon prince #wolf rambles about tdp again #tdp #wolfy's dragon december

[see-arcane]

So, about the Web

I’m in the camp that says the BIG goal was to help Jonah groom Jon into the Archive and have him open the Door. The only way to let the Mother of Puppets in was to let all the riffraff Fears in too. No getting around it.

But now that the Spider is loose on Earth, it will do what comes naturally. Because, arachnophobia aside, the Web’s whole thing comes down to ‘the fear of manipulation, the fear of losing free will.’ Which is a more eerie, menacing way of saying the obvious: the Spider’s the living essence of a control freak. It will not settle for owning a measly 14th of the pie

What I am salivating to see happen is the following:

One, Jonah Magnus has secured himself as some kind of king. The Institute is his castle. Maybe the Shard. An actual palace. Whatever his cliché fantasy is, he gets it. Maybe got all juiced up and immortal like he wanted. Cool.

Two, enter, finally, in voice and in person, Annabelle Cane.

“Don’t bother asking how you missed me coming in, Jonah. Even clairvoyants have blind spots.” He tries to peek in her head. “Careful. Wouldn’t want you to get stuck. All this new work to do—no time to clean out the cobwebs, you know.”

They share some idle, villainous chatter. She offers her congratulations on his promotion, on an Archive well-crafted. He returns the compliment. Both know not to trust the other now that their mutual goal has been reached. Jonah thinks he has an edge still, his empowered Eyes watching everything. Except:

Three, he is suddenly, violently educated on just why he has gotten away with the tricks he has for so long. He was always surrounded by humans. Weak, frail, good-intentioned humans he could either bully or manipulate or traumatize into obedience. The rest could be done in by a bullet or a pipe. But now?

Now, what can he do in the face of this likewise-immortal, likewise-empowered avatar and the Web her kin have spun tight around his little throne room of an office? Bargain? Parlay?

“Oh, Jonah. You can’t make a puppet out of a puppet master. You’d be scheming the whole time if we let you keep your seat here. No, I’m afraid you’re being evicted.”

“Just…just shown the door, then? A metaphorical pink slip?”

“Something like that.”

Four, cut to Jonah Magnus, still alive, immortal. He is strung up in unbreakable silk, choking on it, with his all-seeing Eyes being given the Prometheus treatment. A pair of spiders sink their fangs into the jelly of them, liquefying them, drinking them. The Eyes grow back. Rinse, repeat. 

Or something similarly ghoulish and nonlethal, so that it’s Jon and company who finally get to kill the bastard properly. And, most importantly, so that Annabelle gets to close on the following lines:

“Long live the king. All hail the Queen.”

#seriously though #I Cannot See the Spider just contently manipulating one little section of the Changed world #she's going to want ALL of it #from humans to avatars to Fears themselves #get his ass Annabelle #annabelle cane #jonah magnus #season 5 theories #the web #the spider #the mother of puppets #the magnus archives

[ardenskyedarcy221b]

rules: list 10 songs you’ve been listening to a lot lately and tag 10 people

tagged by my bestie: @ciaconnaa

1. the avengers by Alan silvestri 

2. Partita No. 2 “Chaconne” by Bach/Hilary Hahn

3. Lover by Taylor Swift

4. Dreams by Fleetwood Mac

5. Back in Black by AC/DC

6. Born for This by The Score

7. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

8. Bellyache by Billie Eilish 

9. All I Ask by Adele

10. Pour Some Sugar on me by Def Leppard 

I am tagging: @hailing-stars @coconutknightshade @frostysunflowers @spideynamu @jelly-pies @blondsak @aatticsaltt @ironfamjam @josywbu @emeraldmoon

#my music taste is so eclectic #if I mentioned all my writing playlist songs #well #that can be for another day #it's 98% classical anyways

[supernaturally-yours97]

ADC Chapter 18 Meme

Callum:

Runaan:

@jellyjay every chapter from you is a blast! I love this story so much! You're such a great writer!

Balan is SOOO screwed!!

#adc memes #callum #rayla #runaan #rayllum #rayllum fanfic #callum x rayla #runaan x tinker #rayla x callum #the dragon prince rayla #the dragon prince callum #the dragon prince fanfiction #the dragon prince #balan is screwed #callum is gonna go hulk on his ass #all hail queen Jelly

[jessahmewren]

“The Perfect Pumpkin,” Queen/Bohemian Rhapsody Fan Fiction/ Poly!Queen Week Day Five

Summary: The Freddie and the boys take a trip to a pumpkin patch on a search for the perfect pumpkin 

Rating: T for terribly fluffy

Pairing: it’s poly week ya’ll

Words: 2151

Also on ao3

-0-0-0-

Freddie laid on the horn. Having been the first one in the van all dressed and ready, he expected the others to be just as prepared and excited to go to the pumpkin patch as he was.

He beeped the horn again, this time with a little more enthusiasm.

“Come on, darlings! We’re going to be late!”

Brian stuck his head out of the flat, still buttoning his shirt.  “The bloody thing doesn’t close until five, Freddie.  What are you going on for about being late?”

“To get the choice of the best pumpkins, of course!  All the good ones will go early,” he whined.

Brian cursed under his breath, then muttered, “we’ll be down in a minute.”

When they finally piled into the van, Freddie’s excitement was nearly infectious.  “I’ve read all about it,” he turned to the other two as Brian drove.  “There’s going to be cider and an old country store and even a hayride!”

Roger turned a bit, staring out of the window in his dark glasses.  He’d had to rush his hair routine, and he was quite cross.  “What the fuck is a hayride?”

Freddie stopped for a moment.  “I’m…not quite sure,” he said.  “But it sounds delightful.”

John frowned.  “Well I’m not mounting a bale of hay.  For you or for anyone, love.”

Freddie’s face fell.  “I’m sure that’s not what it means…”

Brian sighed.  “Let’s all just have a good Saturday, ok boys?  And pick out a nice pumpkin.”

Freddie found his fire again.  “Oh, we’re going to pick out the most perfect one, Brian.  Flawless…not a spot on it. Round and plump and just the right shade of orange.  God, I can’t wait!”

Roger groaned.  “I don’t understand why we have to go all the way out here just to get a pumpkin.  Why can’t we just go to the bloody market?  They’ve got them on sale for Christ’s sake.”

Freddie turned around so he could look at where Roger sat pouting in the backseat.  “It’s because it’s fall,” he explained like he didn’t know.  “And this is where the pumpkins are born, Roggie.  We get to pick them out ourselves, straight from the patch.  It’s much more exciting that way.”  

Roger rolled his eyes, but Freddie couldn’t see it.  “I guess.”

John reached over and linked hands with Roger, who managed a small smile.  “Just try for him,” John whispered when Freddie had turned back around.  “He’s so excited.”

Roger sighed.  “I know.  But I’m not mounting a bale of hay, either.”

---

It was, Brian had to admit, rather beautiful.  The farm was decorated in opulent décor, deep burgundy and yellow flowers adorning the perimeter of a split-rail fence where beautiful sparkly orange and gold ribbons were strung among the posts.  The grounds were impeccably kept; there were strategically placed wheelbarrows spilling over with fruits and nuts, others with flowers, and swings for adults and kids alike hanging from the tall oak trees.

It looked like a storybook.

Freddie’s eyes were large as he stepped out of the van.  He looked around, eyes sparkling at the wonders around him, the scene pulled into tight focus by the clear sky and the crisp, lovely fall weather.

John kissed his cheek, breaking him from his spell.  “Is it all you thought it would be sweetheart?”

Freddie nodded slowly, a gentle smile spreading on his face.  “I hardly know what to do first.”

Roger slipped an arm around his waist.  “Why don’t we start with tickets love?  Unless you want to stand and look."

They went into the general store and purchased their tickets, giving them full access to the pumpkin patch grounds, the hayride (which they were still unsure about), and other features of the farm, and continued to walk around inside.  It was just as beautifully decorated as the outside, looking like a rustic dream.  They were selling jams and jellies and other homemade goodies, and Freddie wanted to buy everything he saw.

They finally pulled Freddie away from the wares inside the general store and they all stood rather unsure of what to do next.  “Lead us Freddie.  You’re sort of the expert here,” Brian said.

Freddie looked at the little map he’d picked up.  “Let’s do the gem mining!” he said as he led them in that direction.  They passed food vendors and picnic tables, the smells wafting from the trucks almost making them stop before lunch.

They arrived at the attraction, a small sluice with mud and rocks at the bottom.  They were all given boxes so they could pan for precious gemstones, which they were told were actually among the silt.

About five minutes in, Brian found an amethyst.  A moment later, Roger found a piece of crystal.  He laughed.  “This is rather fun,” he said with a smile.

John concurred.  “I’ve found three stones so far.  A ruby even.  What about you Freddie?”

“Five, darling!  I could do this all day.”

The other three smiled at each other, pleased to see him so happy.  Indeed, they were all having fun, and not just for his sake.

They gave their stones a final rinse and decided it was time for lunch, so they wandered back to the picnic tables nestled among the food trucks to discuss their choices.

“I say we break off and sample a bit of everything,” John suggested.  “There’s all kinds of things here that you wouldn’t normally get.”  He paused.  “Wait, where’s Roger?”

Roger suddenly appeared, his arms loaded with food.  His eyes were bright beneath his shades.  “I love this place!” he said as he set his wares on the table.  “Look at this caramel apple.  And this thing…they call it a funnel cake…it’s just fried dough dusted with sugar.  And this,” he gestured to a little tray with a golden brown object that none of them could identify.  “It’s a deep fried Oreo,” he said excitedly.  “You know, the cookie?  The mad chaps actually batter it and plunge it in hot grease!  Amazing.”

Brian looked ill as Roger took a bite, his eyes fluttering closed in pleasure.

“I think I’ll have a salad,” he said.

---

“I’m ready to ride the hay.”

Everyone looked at John with a mixture of shock and amusement, seeing as they’d just had a full meal and he was the one who had expressed trepidation about the hayride in the first place.

Brian cocked an eyebrow.  “Are you sure?  The schedule says it leaves in three minutes.  We would have to get in line now.”

John nodded.  “If you all are.”  His face went serious.  “I want to do it.”

None of them knew what to expect, but when a large covered truck pulled up with hail bales on the back, it wasn’t that.

“Ok gents, climb aboard!” the driver said.

They all looked at each other and shrugged as they settled themselves on the square hay bales, using them as seats on the back of the truck.

So this was a hayride.

The driver took them through beautiful fields of sunflowers, a tour guide riding with them explaining the history of the farm, how different crops grow as they passed them, and even various ghost stories as they passed through a particularly spooky part of the woods.

The boys cuddled up together using a blanket the tour guide provided and enjoyed the stories and scenery.  With the warm press of his boyfriends around him and the crisp wind in his hair, John decided that he really liked hayrides.

Then, as the truck rounded a curve, Freddie could see them…varying shades of orange and green dotting a hillside.  The truck shuttered to a stop and the boys climbed out, and Freddie knew the time had come to pick his pumpkin.

Brian came up behind him, resting his hands on his shoulders.  “Well darling, what do you think?”

Freddie reached up, squeezing his hand.  “They’re beautiful Bri,” he breathed.  “I can hardly wait.”

“Go get one love,” John whispered as he came up beside him.  “Go get the perfect pumpkin.”

Freddie ran off as the other three joined to watch him make his way between the pumpkin vines, soft smiles on their faces.

It wasn’t long before Freddie found it…round, plump, shiny, not a mark on it.  Freddie had the pumpkin in his arms, walking back to the boys, when something caught his eye.  It was sitting all by itself; all the other pumpkins around it had already been chosen.  It was dirty and leaning to one side, the deformed bottom preventing it from sitting properly.  It was more of a sherbet color than a true orange, but Freddie’s heart went out to it all the same.  Gingerly, he set down the perfect pumpkin and picked up the newfound one.

“I got one!” he said as he made his way to the boys.  Freddie was coming toward them, holding a pumpkin aloft proudly so they could see it.

Roger squinted down at the bulbous monstrosity in Freddie’s arms, his nose wrinkling.  “Blimey,” he croaked.  “Is that it?”

John elbowed him in the ribs, and he grunted.

“It’s really something,” Brian said thoughtfully.

“Good job Freddie.  It’s uh…got a lot of character,” offered John.

Freddie beamed.

---

When the boys got back to their flat, Freddie sat their pumpkin on the table.  Roger tossed his shades on the bar, sparing a glance at the little pumpkin.

“Cover it with something Freddie…that thing is looking at me.”

Freddie frowned.  “Don’t be so cross.  “You’re about to take the guts out.”

Roger whined.  “Why me!?”

“You’ve got the smallest hands love,” Brian said, smiling.  “And you know Freddie doesn’t like to get anything under his nails.”

Roger whimpered again, and John laughed.  “Let me at least wipe it off for you love.  And cut the top?”  John sliced a neat circle in the top of the pumpkin while Roger found a large spoon and a bowl.  Meanwhile, Freddie was looking for a candle for the pumpkin.

John popped the stem off the top of the pumpkin and looked inside.  “Eww,” he said, making a face.  “It’s all yours Rog.”

Roger peered down into the pumpkin and grimaced.  “Freddie, I must really love you.”

He plunged the spoon down inside and scooped out the seeds.  He looked up, blond hair falling in his face.  “It’s not all coming out.”

Freddie waved his hand in encouragement.  “Put your hand in there sweetheart.  Pull it out with your fingers.”

Roger looked at Freddie murderously as he plunged his hand into the pumpkin.

“Oh God, it feels like lube!”

John began laughing.  “Since when have you ever minded a little lube on your fingers?”

Roger rolled his yes.  “Fuck off, John.”

John continued flipping through the magazine he was reading, a wry smile on his face.

Roger finished scooping the seeds until the inside was all cleaned.  Brian walked by, examining what came out of the pumpkin.

“Need me to dispose of this love?”

Roger only nodded, wiping the sweat from his brow with the clean skin of his arm.  He crossed to the sink to wash his hands, only to feel Freddie’s lips on his neck.  “Guess who’s being taken care of tonight,” Freddie whispered, causing Roger to smile and lean into his touch.

“Who?” Roger asked coyly.

“Mmm, you are,” Freddie replied, his hand going down to caress his bum.  “But first I’ve got a pumpkin to carve.”

Roger laughed, shaking his head.

Freddie settled himself in front of the misshapen pumpkin, trying to get the proper angle.  The boys gathered round him, trying to see what he saw.

“What about…here,” Brian said as he pointed to a particularly lump free spot on the pumpkin.

“Mmm, maybe,” Freddie said.  “I thought I could put the eyes here.”

“Have you decided what kind of face?  Happy, goofy, scary?” John asked.

Freddie smiled up at them from where he sat at the table.  “Happy I think.  I think this little pumpkin is happy to be home with us, don’t you?”

He made the first cut, and soon the face started to take shape.

They’d picked up a recipe for cider at the farm, and John started some on the stove.  Soon, the rich aroma of spice and apples was filling the flat.

Roger sat a mug in front of Freddie.  “It doesn’t look like the same pumpkin at all, love.  How did you do that?”

“Simple,” he said as he beamed with pride.  “I just showed it a little love.”

Brian smiled, dropping a kiss onto his head.

“Why did you pick this one darling?”

Freddie drummed his fingers on the table, smiling shyly up at them.

“It’s a misfit, just like us.  And that makes it perfect.”

John joined them, his own mug of cider in his hand.  “Indeed it does my love.  Indeed it does.”

-0-0-0-

#queen #bohemian rhapsody #queen fan fic #queen fan fiction #queen fic #queen fanfiction #poly!queen 2019 #poly!queen #bohemian rhapsody fic #bohemian rhapsody fan fiction #bohemian rhapsody fan fic #borhap fic #borhap fan fic #borhap fanfiction #borhap fanfic #my writing #josqueenfamily #poly!queen week #poly!queen week 2019

[queen-mischief-fanfiction]

A Jellicle Halloween Sneak Peak

An: Hey Guys I have a treat here for my readers and fellow Cats Musical Fans. Since it’s October I’ve been feeling very spooky so I made a short story of how I think the Jellcile cats spend Halloween. unfortunately the story will be quite long with musical sections where I write an entire musical choreography like in the musical, and that is what I have for you today this is my rendition of the Cats singing This is Halloween.

Macavity, Munkustrap and Rum Tum Tugger smirks together as the girls give them some space “show time” Tugger says as Mac controls the fire and blows out the candles, it happened so suddenly the kittens couldn’t help but cry and Scream, Misto grew worried about Victoria and leapt over to protect her as the kittens all huddle in the center of the yard. The darkness didn’t last long as soon a spotlight seemed to come from the moon and shine down on Macavity as he stood menacingly on the tire “Toms and Queens of every age Wouldn't you like to see something strange?” He sang to the group as a second spotlight hits Munkustrap as he stands proudly on top of the oven, making Tantomile, coricopat and Exoctica turn and look at him. “Come with us,” he sings and a third spotlight hits Rum Tum Tugger standing majestically on the chair “,and you will see This, our town of Halloween” Munk finishes. “This is Halloween, this is Halloween Pumpkins scream in the dead of night” Tugger sings then the brothers share a look and together they pounce, leaping into the pile of Kittens and making them scatter to the adults of the group, the rule of Halloween feast is that you never join another cat’s song unless you are asked to or like what Macavity will do, are gestured to join. Munk, Mac and Tugger stalk forward as they sing the next line “This is Halloween, everybody make a scene Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright!” the brothers stop and swipe their claws to both sides and then at the sky to the ground and finish by spreading their arms wide “It's our town, everybody scream In this town of Halloween”. At the last line Munk and Tugger bow down and circle Mac as he takes control of the kittens moving his left paw up making Pouncival stand and sing “I am the one hiding under your bed Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red” he emphasised his teeth and eyes and Mac then moved his right paw and Etcetera follows with “ I am the one hiding under yours stairs Fingers like snakes and spiders in my mane” she couldn’t help giggling as she shook her mane pretending spiders were there. The others were enjoying the song and nods their heads in rhythm as Pounce and Cettie move forward to stand behind Mac as he dance as they followed as he was the puppet master twirling out of the light “ This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!” they sang before the spotlight moved to Tugger laying seductively by Bomba, Deme and Electra and he orchestrated them to sing “In this town we call home Everyone hail to the pumpkin song” Munk jumps onto the other junk wall and moves gracefully to Bustopher Jones and pulled him up “In this town, don't we love it now? Everybody's waiting for the next surprise” Bustopher sung as the brothers joined each other again on the boot of the car “Round that corner, man hiding in the trash can Something's waiting now to pounce, and how you'll…” Tugger leaps over to Alonzo, Cass and George and they each took their turn to sing “Scream!” “this os halloween” “red’n’black” “and slimy green”. Mac turned to the group of four elderly cats “aren’t you scared?” he asked them and the toms shook their heads as Jenny and Jelly duets “Well, that's just fine Say it once, say it twice” Skimble and Asparagus Jnr took over “Take a chance and roll the dice Ride with the moon in the dead of night” they looked at the full moon on that line and Mac continued to scare the kittens away “Everybody scream, everybody scream” Munk and Tugger backed him up “In our town of Halloween!” Mac jumped to stand over the group as he used his magic to bring the psychic twins up “I am the clown with the tear-away face

Here in a flash and gone without a trace” they each sang one line and then Mac pulled up Electra and Jemima making them move as if they were being blown away by the wind “I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?" I am the wind blowing through your hair”. Then Mac pulled up Victoria infront of him, she was a special case since she doesn’t have a voice so Mac controlled her to lip sing “I am the shadow on the moon at night Filling your dreams to the brim with fright” instead of Tugger throwing his voice they heard a haunting female voice sing the line in sync with Victoria, thinking nothing of it they continue and without notice a shadow jumps to the chair. Mac, Munk and Tugger flipped and walked on their toes to the front and posed Menacingly as they sing “This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!” at each Halloween the older cats joined increasing the volume of the lines, the kittens then sing as they crawled forward, Jemima, Electra and Cettie moving to lay between each of the brother’s legs “Tender lumplings everywhere Life's no fun without a good scare” Jerrie and Teazer did they famous duel multi flip in front of the brothers singing “ That's our job, but we're not mean In our town of Halloween”. “In this town” Bustohoer sang and then didn’t want Gus to miss out pulled him up too “Don't we love it now? Everyone's waiting for the next surprise”. Then the others moved forward as Munk and Tugger jumped from side to side, careful of the kittens and Mac flips backwards and the queens take his place “Reaper Mac might catch you in the back And scream like a banshee Make you jump out of your skin This is Halloween, everybody scream” Tugger and munk say and the kittens screamed scattering once more away as the others lay their right paws over their heart “Won't ya please make way for a very special guy?” Tugger sings turning to gesture to the center before noticing Misto was there and pulled him down to sit by his side “Our man Mac is King of the Pumpkin patch Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King now!” Munk continues and Mac makes the group disperse back to their original spots as he walks forward with pride “This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!” he sings and the kittens crawl forward again, Munk and Tugger kneel down looking t Mac as they sing “In this town we call home Everyone hail to the pumpkin song” the kittens all get up and hold hands surrounding the three and prancing around them and Munk and Tugger provided their back up “La, la, la, (Halloween! Halloween!) La-la-la, la, la (Halloween! Halloween!) La-la-la, la, la, (Halloween! Halloween!) La-la-la, la-la-la, hey!”

At the final line everyone broke apart laughing and giggling as they all praised and greeted the brothers.

#cats musical #Cats the musical #queen-mischief-fanfiction #A Jellicle Halloween

[lace-anne]

Each Season of Horrible Histories as Ranked by Me

Season 1)

The OG of the series

Literally looks like a film project done by high school students who were strapped for time and cash

Hilarious skits, though

My main man Terry Deary makes several guest appearances

Nostalgic for me bc I watched it during it's hey-day in 2010

Still a little bit underdeveloped in writing/acting/filming

Bob Hale performs the Macarena

“ORCHESTRA - PLAY SOMETHING SAD!”

7/10 rating

Season 2)

Better film quality; very nice!

Every song is an instant classic

"All hail the king of bling!"

Memorable sketches that I love, love, love to quote/reference

The debut of the gems that are Historical Masterchef and Historical Come Dine with Me

Mat Baynton in drag on more than one occasion

"Clifffff Whiiiite-Liiiiie!"

Basically everything awesome about Horrible Histories started with this series

9/10 rating

Season 3)

Mat Baynton as Dick Turpin (AKA the first time my ovaries exploded)

This season helped me learn all the kings and queens of England, which I can still recite today over seven years later

Cliff Whiteley continues to be an absolute fucking gem of a skit series

“Noooo... And what did they do with all the jelly??”

Mat Baynton as Emperor Elagabalus (AKA the second time my ovaries exploded)

The English Civil War song has actually helped me with my A-Level History assignments - thanks, HH!

“ONLY IN ZIS WEEK’S DANKE! MAGAZINE”

Admit it - Boast Battle made rap battles cool again

No complaints about this season at all tbh

10/10 rating

Season 4)

Fantastic writing; so many classic quotes that I continue to use almost every single day

"HOLA! INDIA! HOLA! INDIA!"

Thanks, HH, I now have a crush of Cesare Borgia: one of the most evil men in history

THE RETURN OF THE COMEDY QUEEN SARAH HADLAND

"ENGERLAND! ENGERLAAAND!"

The songs are just perfect, hit after hit after hit

Parodies of my favourite artists: The Monkees, David Bowie, Queen, etc.

This show is like wine by Series 4, only getting better with age

The Victoria and Albert song made me ugly cry

Ben WIllbond is just really fucking hot in this season for some reason

9.5/10 rating

Season 5)

The show starts delving into more modern history, which is GREAT!

They cover touchy topics like slavery and civil rights, all in a very mature and factual way

Rosa Parks is a QUEEN and the HH writers MAKE THAT KNOWN

Again, all songs are total bops

Vikingland is such a clever concept (also I'm a sucker for Simon and Garfunkel, so maybe I'm biased)

TERRY DEARY IS BACK FOR ONE LAST CAMEO, MOTHERFUCKERS

The final song made me cry the first time I saw it - so fuck HH for playing with my emotions

My favourite series by far

10/10 rating

Season 6)

Some of the OG actors stayed on for this series (incl. my main men Jim Howick and Simon Farnaby!)

Chatty Death was a pretty good end segment

Skits weren't all that funny

Songs were forgettable (except for Norman Style - always manages to crack me up)

SIMON DIDN'T REPRISE HIS ROLE AS WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR - TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS

Although I love Lawry Lewin to death, his Oliver Cromwell performance wasn't great

A false start as revival series go

4/10 rating

Season 7)

The best "new" cast so far

Ryan Sampson

Great episode topics covered in really fun and engaging ways - almost like the OG series

A fantastic Beach Boys parody

Ryan Sampson

Actually acknowledges LGBT history (namely the Spartan army fighting battles as couples)

TOM STOURTON KISSES HIS MALE CO-STARS IN A SKETCH AND CAUSED EVERY GAY NERVE IN MY BODY TO BE SHOT

Reduced me to tears bc of the Heroes song

The Beatles and Elvis Presley are mentioned. Automatic win.

RYAN. FUCKING. SAMPSON.

9.5/10 rating

#horrible histories #i love horrible histories #macs attack #datgurlmacs #real talk with macs #tv shows #bbc #cbbc

[hufflepotato-18]

Thoughts on the new episode of riverdale:

-“Thought I smelled something rotten.” SASSY JELLYBEAN

-“You heard him. Open the damn gate.” YES JELLYBEAN SHOW HIM WHO’S THE BOSS

-I love choni, but I don’t want Toni to move in with Cheryl. They’re just teenagers and that’s a huge step to take

-“I’m cuckoo bananas for you, obvi.” Trying real hard not to cringe and to remember this is a TEEN drama

-VEGGIE

-REGGIE IS AMAZING

-“Oh... So... You two finally got together, huh?” OMG YES, JARCHIE IS RISING IDC

-“Last time I called, you said I couldn’t come.” YEAH YOU TELL HER JUGHEAD

-Betty playing Ethel like a QUEEN, YOU GO GIRL

-VEGGIE (again)

-REGGIE IS AMAZING (again)

-Veronica exposing his dad like that, without any evidence, was kinda incredibly stupid and pointless.

-CHERYL IS THE BEST.

-“What is it, you viper?” I’m dying, you go Cheryl!

-Fucking Penelope. That bitch is obviously faking that seizure.

-“Dated? As in, no longer dating? As in single?” SAME JELLYBEAN, BUT CALM DOWN YOUR HORMONES, YOU’RE TOO YOUNG

-“It’s JB now, Kid Kerouac.” SASSY JELLYBEAN BACK AT IT AGAIN

-“That’s what you did to me, isn’t it?” POOR JUGHEAD, YOU TELL HER BABY

-Fucking Penny.

-BADASS JELLYBEAN IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY. Also “Drop the butter knife, bitch” I’M DEAD

-Yes Gladys, cut that bitch.

-“I’m hoping you’ll join me.” Who’s dumber, Veronica ou Hiram? That bitch is delusional.

-So, did Gladys cut Penny? Tortured her? Killed her? Well, idc, Penny’s gone, aleluia!

-JUGHEAD, FORGET THE FUCKING GAME ALREADY. YOU DO SOUND LIKE A LUNATIC

-“Girl, where are you? We all thought you were at the Farm.” WELL MAYBE IF YOU CARED A LITTLE AND ACTUALLY TRIED TO FIGURE OUT WHERE SHE WAS, YOU WOULD KNOW WHERE SHE IS

-JARCHIE

-I’m sorry, what? Sister Woodhouse, you bitches are the only disturbed people in there

-Fucking Penelope. JUST STOP YOU CREEPY BITCH

-Fred and Archie reunion, thank god

-FP IS ACTUALLY SO SAD AND EMOTIONAL WHEN HE SEES HIS DAUGHTER, LET THEM BE TOGETHER

-“Can I get a dad?” DAMN GIRL, YOU TELL HIM (I love FP and you can see that he loves his daughter but it is true that he has been a shitty father so, BUT he has redeemed himself with Jug so he can do the same with Jelly)

-“On your feet, soldier boys. We’re going to war.” GOTTA LOVE CHERYL AND HER EXTRANESS, AM I RIGHT?

-ALL HAIL THE GRYPHON QUEEN

-Dark haired Archie is actually a yes

-FRED ANDREWS IS VERY FUCKING PRECIOUS

-VEGAS, MY SWEET GOOD BOI

-*sirens wailing* HUM EXCUSE ME WHAT IS HAPPENING??

-*the Gargoyle King shows up in Hiram’s office* WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

#riverdale #riverdale 3x08