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vi-writes-stuff · 3 years

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Good as Gold (Ethan x f!MC)

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Audrey Lee)

Word Count: 1.62 k

Rating: 18+ (NSFW content, PWP)

Summary: The events before and after their impromptu date night. Set between book 2 and 3. Sequel to All I've Ever Known

Author's Note: All I've Ever Known was originally titled Good as Gold. Title is from "Gold" by Tolan Shaw. Listen to the song and tell me this isn't lovestruck Ethan. So glad Ethan finaly said ILY to MC in the finale <3 Anyway, here's the sequel to my first fic. Y'all this is just PWP, so enjoy.

If someone had asked Ethan Ramsey what was important to him two years ago, the answer was simple: work. His work was what mattered.

It was all that mattered.

Taking in the sight of Audrey soundly asleep beside him in his bed, looking radiant in the moonlight, he knows his answer would be different now. He watched the gentle rise and fall of her breath, the slow repetitive motion easing the fear that had gripped his heart.

He had woken up from a dream that had almost become a reality. The cure hadn’t been synthesized in time. He had held her as she faded away, her normally warm and lively eyes wide with fear, whispering to him that she didn’t want to die.

Reaching over to her sleeping form, Ethan gently stroked her cheek. The skin contact and the quiet breath she exhaled soothed him instantaneously.

With Edenbrook still under construction, the two busy doctors had spent the past few weeks holed up in his apartment. They were no longer hiding their relationship and Ethan found he treasured the domesticity between them; a sentiment he thought he would never hold.

Wrapping an arm around her waist, he settled back into bed. As soon as he laid down, Audrey slid closer to him, letting out a contented sigh.

_____________________

Out of habit, he woke up at 6 AM only to find his bed empty. The feeling of panic seized his heart until he heard her quietly humming. Shuffling towards the bedroom door that had been left slightly ajar, he smiled at the sight of Audrey bathed in the soft sunlight of the kitchen. Dressed in an oversized t-shirt she had stolen from him and a pair of sleep shorts, the hair she usually wore up at work hung loose as she flipped a pancake in the air. As the other side of the pancake landed perfectly in the pan, she did a little victory dance and waved the spatula she held in her right hand.

He didn’t get a chance to watch her for much longer as Jenner, who had been sitting by the foot of the kitchen counter, noticed Ethan in the doorway and made her way to him, letting out a soft woof as he saw his owner was finally awake.

Setting the pan on the stove, she turned around and grinned. “Good morning, I woke up before you, so I thought I’d make us some breakfast,” Audrey said, flipping the newest pancake onto the stack she made.

Crossing the apartment, he wrapped himself around her. “Smells delicious,” he replied, placing a kiss against her neck. Knowing how much she loved it when he kissed her there, he was rewarded with a stifled moan.

She turned around in his arms and placed a gentle kiss against his lips before playfully swatting his shirtless chest with the spatula, “As much as I enjoy how you show your appreciation, I would actually like to enjoy breakfast before it gets cold.”

He hugged her a little tighter before letting go. “I’ll get started on the coffee then,” he sighed.

Audrey smiled cheekily at him. “Thanks, babe.”

Giggling at the face he made at the nickname, she turned her attention back to the stove as she cooked the last of the batter.

As Audrey returned to the apartment she shared with her roommates, Ethan visited Alan to drop off Jenner. Later in the day as he checked his email, he received a notification about the opening of L’Orfeo and a plan began to form in his mind.

_____________________

Audrey Lee drove him insane in the best ways possible. The ride back home that started with her hand entwined in his across the gear shift ended with wandering touches as the pair rushed towards the elevator. Ethan successfully opened the door to his apartment and the door slammed shut as he pinned Audrey against.

"You know I have worn this dress before," she murmured as he kissed a trail down her neck.

He hummed. "On the rooftop, I thought I recognized it."

"You didn't make a comment about it, so I thought I'd wear it again,” she said breathlessly as her face flushed. “Elicit a reaction this time around.”

"Mission accomplished,” he groaned. “You are beautiful in that dress, but I think it would look better off of you and on the floor."

Laughter bubbled up out of her mouth as he held her face in his hands. “Aren’t you forward? You did just take me out to dinner, I guess—” Her teasing is cut off by a loud yawn that escapes her mouth. “Sorry, I guess I actually am tired.”

Taking a look at her eyes that were still somewhat red and puffy from her tears by the river earlier, he pressed a kiss against a cheek. Bending down he swept her off her feet, eliciting a surprised squeak from Audrey. “Come on, let’s go to bed and sleep.”

Carrying her across the apartment, Ethan gently deposited her onto her side of the bed. Kneeling down, he carefully removed her heels and put them aside. Climbing on to the bed to sit behind her, he helped undo her dress, pressing a kiss to every inch of skin that revealed itself as he lowered the zipper.

The zipper was three quarters of the way down when Audrey twisted around, pressing a kiss against his lips. Her hands drifted towards the back of his neck. Humming delightedly in response, Ethan’s hands reached out to pull her face closer, causing the to grow kiss deeper and more passionate by the second.

Audrey pulled back, her lips swollen and panting for breath. Ethan attempted to pull her back in, but she stopped him with a gentle press of her thumb against his bottom lip. Her hand slowly drifted down to his shirt and she began undoing the top button. “Actually,” she murmured into his ear. “I’m not as tired anymore.”

Ethan looked into Audrey’s eyes, her pupils were blown so wide he could barely see the beautiful brown that surrounded them. “Are you sure?”

Audrey nodded. “I’m certain.”

As their lips met again, Ethan rushed to undress himself as Audrey fully unzipped and slipped out of her dress. Pushing him further up until his back met the headboard, Audrey straddled his lap. As she began rocking in his lap, he uttered a series of soft curses which delighted her. Pulling back from their kiss, Audrey leaned her forehead against his and pressed a hand against his hammering heart. She gently took one of his warm hands and pressed it against her own racing heart. They sat there for a moment, their breaths intermingling as they felt the steady thump of each other’s heartbeats.

“You’re important to me. Don’t ever forget that,” he said.

Staring into each other’s eyes, Audrey stroked his cheek. “Know that you’re important to me too.” The warmth of his gaze and his words was reflected in her own and it was filled with a feeling neither was quite brave enough to admit to themselves or each other yet.

Wrapping a gentle hand around his cock, she slowly stroked him up and down, eliciting a moan from Ethan underneath her. Smirking at his response, she whispered, “I was thinking about how I could repay you for this morning.” Audrey kept moving further down as she continued to stroke him. She stopped and bent down to kiss the tip, before she licked at the dripping precum.

“Jesus Christ, Audrey,” he groaned.

“Mmm, I like the sounds you make too.” Pressing another kiss against the tip of his cock, she opened her mouth and slowly swallowed his length. Bobbing her head up and down, her other hand wrapped around the base and stroked the parts her mouth couldn’t reach.

Ethan threaded his hands through her hair, guiding her as he slowly bucked into his mouth. As another moan escaped his mouth, Audrey looked up at him, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she continued to suck him. “Audrey, I’m close,” he murmured as he pulled himself out of her mouth, much to her protest.

Audrey sat back up and hovered over his lap. Grabbing the base of his cock, she positioned herself over him and sighed in relief as she slid down on to him. “God, the way you fill me up,” she moaned, rolling her hips forward. Massaging her breasts in his hands, he gently pinched her nipples making her gasp. Her hands rested with her palms flat against his chest as he continued his ministrations.

Slowly, he shifted his grasp to her hips so that he thrust further into her. The sensation caused Audrey’s eyes to flutter shut as another moan escaped her and she bit her swollen lower lip. That image was forever burned in his brain and he knew instantly that if she let him, he would gladly have spent the rest of his days worshipping her body, her mind, and her soul.

“Come for me, Audrey” he panted. Moments later, she clenched around him crying his name aloud. The sound of her pleasure and the delicious bite of her nails against his skin allowed him to reach his own climax. When Audrey finally rode out her orgasm, he gently slipped out of her as she slumped against his heaving chest.

He silently twined their hands together and pressed a kiss against the top of her hand, before he rested them over his heart. Audrey leaned up to kiss him once more, before she rested her head in the crook of his neck. Wrapped in each other’s embrace, the pair slowly drifted off to sleep to the steadily slowing rhythm of Ethan’s heartbeat.

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Tags List (let me know if you'd like to be added or removed): @starrystarrytrouble , @openheartfanfics , @choicesficwriterscreations , @queencarb , @imaneditorthankyouverymuch

#open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart fanfiction #oph fanfiction #choices fanfiction #ethan ramsey x f!mc #my writing #audrey lee

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officialjanerusselltribute · 3 years

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AVAILABLE JUNE 15th, 2021 - A BRAND NEW BIOGRAPHY OF JANE RUSSELL!!!

Mean…Moody…Magnificent! Jane Russell and the Marketing of a Hollywood Legend

by Christina Rice

Published by: The University Press of Kentucky (June 15, 2021)

Pre-order a signed copy from Larry Edmunds bookstore in Hollywood!

Praise for Mean… Moody… Magnificent!

“Mean…Moody…Magnificent! Jane Russell and the Marketing of a Hollywood Legend is a fascinating study of a complex Hollywood icon. As the movies’ first full-figured sex symbol, Jane Russell starred in classic comedies, film noirs, musicals and Westerns opposite Bob Hope, Robert Mitchum, Marilyn Monroe, and Clark Gable, but author Christina Rice reveals that her life off screen is even more interesting. Russell was a woman of deep Christian faith who struggled with alcoholism. After a back alley abortion left her unable to bear children, she led the fight to overturn restrictive laws that resulted in thousands of overseas orphans being adopted into American families. Rice adroitly navigates through these contradictions and more, including the creation and marketing of a screen bombshell by executives, artisans, publicists, and the press, and the tension between that image and the real woman behind the façade. This is a magnificent biography of the occasionally mean and moody, but always magnificent Jane Russell.” — Andrew A. Erish, author of Vitagraph: America’s First Great Motion Picture Studio

“In the 1980s I was in the RKO Radio Pictures archives when Jane Russell was being interviewed for an RKO documentary. In 2010, I had the privilege is sitting with her for an entire day as she was interviewed for a documentary on photographer George Hurrell. Because Jane Russell’s story is unique, she has often been misrepresented. I’m happy that she has been accurately portrayed in Christina Rice’s biography.” — Mark A. Vieira, author of George Hurrell’s Hollywood

“Christina Rice has written an exceptional and thoroughly-researched biography that presents Jane Russell as a fully-formed human being and actress. As a Marilyn Monroe fan and biographer, I was enthralled by the chapters on their working relationship and friendship. It truly is a magnificent book, and one I’ll refer to time and time again.” — Michelle Morgan, author of The Girl: Marilyn Monroe, The Seven Year Itch and the Birth of an Unlikely Feminist

“Just when I thought I couldn’t enjoy a classic movie star bio more than Christina Rice’s book on Ann Dvorak, along she comes with this first-rate tome on Jane Russell. Impeccably researched and engagingly written, Rice’s latest is one of the better biographies I’ve read in some time. Her storytelling style grabs you from the opening chapter and never lets loose.” — Karen Burroughs Hannsberry, author of Bad Boys: The Actors of Film Noir and Femme Noir: The Bad Girls of Film

“The tumultuous life and career of Jane Russell is captured by author Christina Rice in an insightful biography of the legendary star who ultimately resisted her caricature as a buxom Tinseltown sex object. No detail is spared from Russell’s rustic San Fernando Valley childhood, discovery by the eccentric Howard Hughes and her subsequent stardom while enduring an abusive marriage and intermittent battles with the bottle. Through Rice’s detailed research and sure prose, the resolute Russell emerges as an empathetic woman of substance who ended up selling bras rather than burning them. An important chapter of Hollywood history, Mean…Moody…Magnificent! is the definitive Jane Russell story.” — Alan K. Rode, author of Michael Curtiz: A Life in Film

#jane russell #Jane Russell #hollywood icons #Larry Edmunds #biography #celebrity biography #TCM

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archive-archives · 3 years

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Coming in April!

NEW 2020 1080p HD masters JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS IN OUTER SPACE

Run Time 352:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio 1.33:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color COLOR

Disc Configuration 2 BD 50

Rock stars Josie and the Pussycats are out of this world...literally! When the bumbling Alexandra accidentally launches Josie and the gang into outer space, they travel through the galaxy searching for a path back to Earth. Along the way, they meet cat people, robot monsters, evil dictators, space pirates and plenty of strange creatures, including their new companion Bleep, voiced by Hanna-Barbera legend Don Messick. Fortunately, everyone’s a fan of Josie and the Pussycats, including aliens! Rocket through the universe with your favorite superstars as they save the day, sing some songs and have a hip-happenin’ good time in a 2-disc, 16-episode Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space complete series collection that hits all the right notes!

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of preservation film elements!

GREEN DOLPHIN STREET

Run Time 141:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs: DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio: 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color BLACK & WHITE

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: Lux Radio Theater Broadcast; Theatrical Trailer (HD)

The Academy Award® winner about star-crossed love that spans the years – and the globe. After her triumph as the lunchroom temptress in the crime classic The Postman Always Rings Twice, Lana Turner expanded her range with Green Dolphin Street. Set in 19th century Europe and New Zealand, this sweeping romance tells the story of two beautiful sisters, one headstrong (Turner) and one gentle (Donna Reed), and of the man (Richard Hart) who marries one even though he loves the other. The film’s riptides of emotion are matched by breathtaking physical tumult: a fierce Maori uprising plus a catastrophic earthquake and tidal wave that earned the film a 1947 Oscar® for special effects. With its dramatic story and spectacular visuals, Green Dolphin Street drew huge audiences for epic moviemaking, being one of the top-ten box office hits of the year.

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of Nitrate preservation elements!

BROADWAY MELODY OF 1940

Run Time 102:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs: DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio: 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color BLACK & WHITE

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: Making-of Featurette: "Begin the Beguine" (hosted by Ann Miller); "Our Gang Comedies: The Big Premiere"; MGM Cartoon: "The Milky Way" ; Original Theatrical Trailer (HD)

The job – a career breakthrough – is supposed to go to hoofer Johnny Brett, but a mix-up in names gives it to his partner. Another example of Broadway hopes dashed? Not when Johnny is played by Fred Astaire. Sparkling Cole Porter songs, clever comedy and dance legends Astaire and Eleanor Powell make the final Broadway Melody (co-starring George Murphy) a film to remember. Powell’s nautical “All Ashore" routine (a/k/a I Am the Captain”), Astaire’s blissful “I’ve Got My Eyes on You” and Fred & Eleanor's elaborate routine to Cole Porter's classic "I Concentrate On You" are more than enough to please any fan. But they’re just a warm-up for the leads to tap one finale number into immortality: “Begin the Beguine,” introduced by Frank Sinatra in That’s Entertainment! with, “You can wait around and hope, but you’ll never see the likes of this again.”

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from a new 4K restoration of the last-known surviving nitrate Technicolor print!

DOCTOR X (1932)

Run Time 76:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs: DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio: 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color COLOR; BLACK & WHITE

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: Alternate B&W version of feature; DOCTOR X (HD): UCLA Before & After Restoration featurette (HD); New documentary: "Monsters and Mayhem: The Horror Films of Michael Curtiz (HD); New feature commentary by author/film historian Alan K. Rode; Archival feature commentary by Scott MacQueen, head of preservation, UCLA Film and Television Archive. Original B&W Theatrical Trailer (HD)

Is there a (mad) doctor in the house? “Yes!” shrieks Doctor X, filmed in rare two-strip Technicolor®. An eminent scientist aims to solve a murder spree by re-creating the crimes in a lab filled with all the dials, gizmos, bubbling beakers and crackling electrostatic charges essential to the genre. Lionel Atwill is Doctor Xavier, pre-King Kong scream queen Fay Wray is a distressed damsel and Lee Tracy snaps newshound patter, all under the direction of renowned Michael Curtiz. The new two-color Technicolor master was restored by UCLA Film and Television Archive and The Film Foundation in association with Warner Bros. Entertainment. Funding provided by the Hobson/Lucas Foundation. Also includes the separately filmed B&W version (which has been restored and restored from its original nitrate camera negative) originally intended for small U.S. markets and International distribution, and which has been out of distribution for over 30 years.

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of original nitrate Technicolor negatives!

ANNIE GET YOUR GUN (1950)

Run Time 107:00

Subtitles English SDH

Sound Quality DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English

Aspect Ratio 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color COLOR

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: Susan Lucci retrospective & intro piece (from 2000 DVD release); Outtakes: Let’s Go West Again-Betty Hutton, Doin’ What Comes Natur’lly-Judy Garland, I’m an Indian, Too-Judy Garland, Colonel Buffalo Bill with Howard Keel and Frank Morgan; Stereo audio pre-recording session tracks including There’s No Business Like Show Business featuring Judy Garland; Theatrical Re-issue Trailer (HD)

Betty Hutton (as Annie Oakley) and Howard Keel (as Frank Butler) star in this sharpshootin’ funfest based on the 1,147-performance Broadway smash boasting Irving Berlin’s beloved score, including “Doin’ What Comes Natur’lly,” “I Got the Sun in the Morning” and the anthemic “There’s No Business Like Show Business.” As produced by Arthur Freed, directed by George Sidney, and seen and heard in this new remastered HD presentation, this lavish, spirited production showcases songs and performances with bull’s-eye precision, earning an Oscar®* for adaptation scoring. The story is a brawling boy-meets-girl-meets-buckshot rivalry. But love finally triumphs when Annie proves that, yes, you can get a man with a gun!

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master! QUICK CHANGE (1990)

Run Time 88:00

Subtitles English SDH

Sound Quality DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English

Aspect Ratio 1.85:1, 16 X 9 WIDESCREEN

Product Color COLOR

Disc Configuration BD 25

Special Feature: Theatrical Trailer

The star of Caddyshack, Ghostbusters and Groundhog Day headlines and codirects this uproarious Big Apple heist-and-pursuit caper. Bill Murray plays Grimm, a frazzled urbanite who disguises himself as a clown – and sets out to rob a bank. Geena Davis and Randy Quaid play accomplices in Grimm’s daring scheme and Jason Robards is the blustery cop caught up in Grimm’s “Clown Day Afternoon.” Swiping a million bucks is a snap compared to getting out of town. Grimm and cohorts commandeer a car, a cab, a bus, a baggage tram and a plane (and encounter future stars Stanley Tucci and Tony Shalhoub in hilarious supporting roles) to make what becomes a less-than-merry escape. But for comedy lovers, Quick Change is a ticket to ride!

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of best surviving nitrate preservation elements! EACH DAWN I DIE (1939)

Run Time 92:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs: DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio: 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color BLACK & WHITE

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: Warner Night at the Movies including 1939 Short Subjects Gallery: Vintage Newsreel, WB Technicolor Short: "A Day at Santa Anita", WB Cartoon: "Detouring America"; Restrospective featurette: "Stool Pigeons and Pine Overcoats: The Language of Gangster Films" ; Feature Commentary by Film Historian Haden Guest; Breakdowns of 1939: Studio Blooper Reel; WB Cartoon: "Each Dawn I Crow"; Radio show w/George Raft & Franchot Tone; Trailer for "Wings of the Navy" and Original Theatrical Trailer for Each Dawn I Die (HD)

Framed for manslaughter after he breaks a story about city corruption, reporter Frank Ross is sure he’ll prove his innocence and walk out of prison a free man. But that’s not how the system works at Rocky Point Penitentiary. There, cellblock guards are vicious, the jute-mill labor is endless, and the powers Ross fought on the outside conspire to keep him in. Frank’s hope is turned to hopelessness. And he’s starting to crack. Two of the screen’s famed tough guys star in this prison movie that casts a reform-minded eye on the brutalizing effects of life in the slammer. James Cagney “hits a white-hot peak as [Ross,] the embittered, stir-crazy fall guy” (Leonard Maltin’s Movie Guide). And George Raft (Cagney’s friend since their vaudeville days) portrays racketeer Hood Stacey, who may hold the key to springing Ross.

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of best surviving preservation elements!

ANOTHER THIN MAN (1939)

Run Time 102:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs: DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio: 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color BLACK & WHITE

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: M-G-M Musical Short: Love on Tap; Classic M-G-M Cartoon: The Bookworm

Dum-Dum, Wacky, Creeps, Fingers: They’re just a few of the hoodlums in the world of amateur sleuths and professional bon vivants Nick and Nora Charles. And now there’s a new hood: parenthood. A birthday – make that boithday – party that some of da boys hold for infant Nick Jr. is part of the fun in this third film in the witty series. The case begins when the Charles family arrives for a weekend with a Long Island industrialist who fears someone wants to kill him. Sure enough, his fears come true. Nick (William Powell) is among the suspects. Asta scrams with what may be the murder weapon. And Nora (Myrna Loy) has her own ideas about the case and sneaks off to a nightclub to ferret out a clue. “Madam, how long have you been leading this double life?” Nick asks. “Just since we’ve been married,” she replies.

#wac

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beclynn-herondale · 3 years

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In Another Universe: Chapter 9 - The Greenhouse part 1

He wasn't sure if he had screamed, if he had it would have been again for the hundredth time tonight. The motorcycle was flying, it felt like a rollercoaster almost, it also caused that weird feeling you get in your stomach when you ride one. He looked back at the roof and saw the vampires and werewolves. And looked away honestly if he ever saw that place again it would be way too soon. Jayce was screaming in delight. Clar tightened his arms around her. "My mother told me that if I ever rode a motorcycle with someone, she'd kill me." he called over the sound of the the wind and bike. "Not if she knew me," she called back with confidence. "I am excellent at driving." Clar remembered something suddenly. "Hey, I thought Alec said only some of these could fly?" "Only some can!" "So how did you know this one could?". "I had no idea if it could!" she shouted happily, she did something that the bike ride in the air.

"Look down!" she shouted. "It's so amazing!" Curiousity making him want to, even though he was still terrified, he looked down. They were a lot higher than he had originally thought. They were flying over the city, it was beautiful, in a terrifying way. Jayce tunred the bike towards the brooklyn bridge. "You okay?" she shouted. He didn't say anything, held on more tightly. He felt nauseous all of a sudden and was reminded of how high they were and how they could fall so far down, he shut his eyes. "Clar?" she yelled again. "Are you ok, Clar? He shook his head. Something scratched at him, he ignored it until it scratched again. He opened his eyes slightly, and saw it was Simone, her head out of Clar's jacket, tugging at it. "It's okay, Simone." he said, not wanting to look down. "It was just the bridge—" But she scratched him again, pointing her paw towards the waterfront, rising up on their left. Still dizzy he looked up and saw sunrise. "Yes, it's very pretty," he said, shutting his eyes again. "It's a beautiful sunrise.' Jayce went rigid. "Sunrise?" she yelled, and jerked the bike towards the waterline. Clar leaned as closely as he could without squashing Simone. "What's wrong with the sunrise?" "I told you back on the roof! These bikes run on demon energies!"

She pulled the bike on level with the river. Water splashed them. "When the sun comes up— The bike started to sputter. Jayce said a colorful amount of swear words, and slammed her hand into the accelerator. It lunged forward, jerked under them. Jayce was still swearing, one time in what sounded like french. Clar saw every rock and pebble that was under them as they cleared past the river and over the narrow bank. Below them was the highway, full of early morning traffic.

They barely cleared it, beyond was a parking lot. "Hold on tight, Clar, don't let—" The bike struck the asphalt of the parking lot, the front wheel hitting first. Then it struck a concrete barrier with a terrible force that it lifted him off the bike and threw him sideways, his grip breaking from Jayce. He curled up into a protective ball, hoping Simone wouldn't be crushed. He hit the ground hard, pain shooting up his arm. He flipped over onto his back, the wind knocked out of him. He reached for his pocket, but it was empty. He tried to call for Simone but the his breath was knocked out of him, He wheezed.

His entire body hurt, he rolled over. Dawn had come, he saw the remains of the bike turning into ash as the suns rays shined on it. And there was Jayce, getting to her feet painfully, she hurried to him, and slowed down a little when she got closer. Her jacket sleeve was torn and she had a long graze her arm that was bleeding. Her face was pale under her golden curls, that were now dirty from the events of last night. He wondered why she looked so pale and shocked. Was his leg was torn off, lying across the parking lot with a pool of blood?

He started to get up when there was a hand in his shoulder. "Clar?". "Simone!" She was kneeling down beside him, looking a little dirty and crumpled, her glasses were gone but she appeared to be unharmed otherwise. She reached out and touched his face. "Ow!". "Are you alright? You look good," she said, with a catch to her voice. "The most amazing thing that I've—". "That's because your glasses are gone," he said weakly, but Simone didn't give a smart response back, instead she threw her arms around him, holding him tightly. She was alright he thought, she's alright. "Clar," she said. "I didn't—i didn't think you—". "Come for you? Of course I did," he said. "Of course did." he said and put his arms around her. He stroked her back reassuringly.

He glanced back at Jayce for a moment, she was turning away as if the sun hurt her eyes, he wondered why.

——————

Joan was leaning against a wall in the training room that was in this dimension place, flipping a knife back and forth, she was very good with knives now. Her father wanted to talk with her, she may be more connected with her demon blood now, but that didn't change the fact she still hated the man's guts. She thought his goals were boring and that he was your typical villian, he didn't have any ideals that surprised her. Not to mention a shitty father, and sounds like he was a shitty husband.

"Still having trouble with your anger, I have heard," said Valentine. "Still having trouble finding a Cup, I have heard" she replied. He looked furious for a moment but composed himself. She loved how she could get under his skin. "All in good time," he said. "Yeh? And how much time is that?" "Very soon." She looked at him. "Are you sure it's soon enough?" He smiled a devilish grin. "Yes." She didn't like the grin, there was something he wasn't telling her. "Jonathena," he said. "Yes?" "You have completed much if your training, faster than I had thought," he said. "Soon enough we will be in Idris, and with we'll have your mother, brother, and Jayce." He took a minute before he spoke again. "I have been thinking, if Lucian does decide to make a move, and if he does somehow succeed in getting in my way, I'll need you to play spy for me. Clar will trust you, and believe you. I don't think things will go wrong but I want a backup plan." She was slightly more intrigued now. "Whatever, not like I have a choice in the matter." He stared at her. "Things will not be so boring soon enough, my daughter."

Yeah, soon enough you'll have an angel cup and some sword and be attacking god knows what. She just wanted Clar and her mom, make sure they are safe and do whatever she needed to do to keep them safe. This Jayce did intrigue her though. Valentine seemed to speak slightly softer about her.

She went back to training with Alan, learning how to take on ten people at once. Lilith had some kind of way to strengthen her demon blood, Joan had no idea how, but with Greater Demons you never really knew, she supposed.

——————

Hodge was enraged when they got back, Alec and Isidore in the back lurking behind him. When Clar and the girls came in limping, covered in blood and filthy, he had instantly gone into a lecture that would have made Clar's mom very proud. He also didn't forget the part of how they had lied about where they had gone to—Which apparently Jayce had or the part about never trusting Jayce again. Also bits about breaking the law and being thrown out of the clave, and bringing shame onto the Wayland name. After he calmed down slightly, he looked at Jayce with a glare. "You've endangered other people people with your actions. This time I will not let you shrug it off!" "I wasn't planning on it," said Jayce. "It's kinda hard to shurg anything off at the moment. My shoulder is dislocated." "If only physical pain was actually a deterrence for you," said Hodge furious. "But you'll just spend the next few days in the infirmary with Isidore and Alec caring to your every need. And you'll probably very much enjoy it."

Hodge had been partly right. Jayce and Simone had both ended up in the infirmary, but only Isidore was running around caring for their every need when Clar — who'd gone to clean up — came back a few hours later. Hodge had tended to the bruise on his arm, and almost half an hour in the shower gotten the asphalt that was stuck in his skin out. But he still ached all over. Alec was sitting on the windowsill and looking irritated, angry, maybe almost even sad all at the same time, scowled as the door shut behind him. "Oh. It's you." He ignored Alec. "Hodge says he's on his way and hopes you two can hang onto your slowly fading life forms until he is here," or something of that variation." "I do hope he hurries," said Jayce crossly, she was sitting up in one of the infirmary beds, still in her filthy clothes, the lace top she had worn to the party torn in some places, though he assumed Shadowhunters were used to ruining clothes. "Why? Are you in pain?" he asked. "Nope. I have a very high pain tolerance. But I do get very easily bored." she narrowed her eyes at him. "Do you remember how back in the hotel you promised that if we survived, you'd dress up in a nurse's outfit and give me a sponge bath?". "I think you misheard that," said Clar. "It was Simone who promised you that." Jayce looked over involuntarily to Simone, who gave her a wide smile. "As soon as I'm back to good health, beautiful." "I knew we should have left as a rat," said Jayce.

Clar laughed as he went over to Simone, who seemed uncomfortable surrounded by the many pillows Isidore had gotten for her. He sat down on the edge of her bed. "How do you feel?" "Like someone tried to grate me into cheese," she said, wincing as she moved her legs. "I broke a foot bone. It had swelled so much, Isidore had to cut my shoe off." "Glad he's taking such good care of you," he said with a little bit of acid in his tone. Simone leaned forward. "I want to have a talk with you." Clar nodded. "I'll be in my room. Come see me once Hodge gets you all fixed up, k?" "Yup." surprising him she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. It was a butterfly kiss, but as he pulled away, he knew he had blushed, probably, standing up, because everyone was staring at them.

On his way out to the hallway he touched his cheek, a kiss on the cheek didn't mean much of anything, but it was odd for Simone. Was she trying to make a point to someone? Clar never would understand the whole making someone else jealous thing that people did. And then there was Jayce, doing her wounded princess act.

"Clar!" He turned and to his surprise, there was Alec coming down the hall after him. They both stopped once she caught up to him. "I need to speak with you." Surprised again, he asked. "About what?" She hesitated for a moment. With her pale ivory skin she looked almost as striking as her brother, but unlike Isidore she did anything she could to downplay her looks and not be seen, her frayed sweaters and her bangs and blunt cut of her hair that fell over her shoulders that looked as if she cut it herself in the dark, was only part of it, she looked seriously uncomfortable in her own skin. "I think you should go. Go home, I mean," she said. He knew that Alec didn't like him but it still felt like she had slapped him. "Alec, I can't go home, it has forsaken and demons crawling around it, believe me nobody wants to go home more than me but i—" "You must have family somewhere that could take you in?" he thought she sounded desperate. "I don't have any family, and Hodge wants me to stay here," he said shortly.

"He can't possibly actually after everything you've done—" "Everything I've done?" "You almost got Jayce killed." "I almost— what are you talking about?" "Going after your friend like that—do you even know the danger you put her in? Do you know that—" "Her? Do you mean Jayce?" he cut her off. "Just so you know it was all her idea. She asked Magna where to find the vampire. She went to that church to get weapons. If I didn't go with her, she would have gone without me.". "By the angel, you don't understand," said Alec. "You don't know her like I do. I know her. She thinks she has to save the world, and she would gladly die doing it. hell I think she wants to die, but that doesn't mean you need to help her along to do it." "I really don't understand you people," he said. "Jayce is a Shadowhunter. This is your job, you help and save people, you kill demons and put yourself in danger everyday. How is it that last night was different from any other time?"

He saw her self control break. "Because I wasn't there!" she yelled. "Usually I am there, covering her back, making sure no harm come to her, keeping her safe. But you are just a burden, a mundane." she said the word like it tasted bitter in her mouth. "No, that's where you're wrong," he said. "I am a Nephilim, just like you." Her mouth curled up. "Perhaps," she said. "But with no training whatsoever, nothing at all, you're not much use, are you? Your mother raised you mundane, raised you in a world where you didn't have to know about the evil and darkness, and that's where you belong. Not her making Jayce act like someone she isn't, like she isn't a Shadowhunter. Making her break her oath. Making her break the law and not care—"

"Here's a news flash," he snapped at her. "I don't make Jayce do anything. Jayce does what she wants. You should know that." She looked at him with disgust. "I always forget, that you mundanes are totally selfish, isn't that right? You don't care about all that she's done for you, what she has risked? This isn't just about her safety and almost getting killed. She could be kicked out of the Clave. She lost her father and mother already, do you want her to lose the only other family she has?"

Rage rose in Clar. Rage against Alec, for being a little right. rage against his mother for not telling him about what the world really was and what he really was, for not telling Joan as well, for bit preparing them for all of this, and being some angel warrior who Clar didn't know, someone she needed so desperately right now but was not there. Rage against the fact that his father had died before he was born. Against Simone for almost getting herself killed and doing dangerous things. Rage against Jayce for not caring about whether she lived it died. Against Luke for not being there.

"You're one to talk about being selfish," he hissed viciously and Alec took a step back. "You don't about anyone in this world but yourself, Alec Lightwood. No wonder you've never even killed a single demon, because you're so afraid." Alec looked stunned, as if he had slapped her. "Who— who told you that?" "Jayce did." She looked again as if she had been slapped. "She wouldn't have. She would never say that." "Well, she did. You can go on and on about honor and honestly and all that but we both know if you were really honest, you would admit this is all because you're in love with her. It doesn't actually have anything to do—" He hit hard against the wall, felt his head hit against it hard. Alec had thrown him against it, she was taller than him and had her Shadowhunter training. Alec with her face inches from his now. "Don't you dare," she whispered with rage. "Say anything like that ever again or I'll kill you. I swear I will." It hurt where she gripped his arms. She let go, pulling back quickly. She looked horrified, like she couldn't believe she had just done that. She spyn around with no words, and stumbled towards the infirmary like she was drunk. "Great, Clar" he thought now she definitely hates you.

——————

He should have gone to sleep, passed out with exhaustion, but sleep wouldn't come. So instead he pulled his sketchpad out of his backpack, he started to draw scribbles at first, he drew the hotel, empty streets with dim lampposts, a shadowy figure at the end of the lamppost. Raphaela all covered in blood. He drew Jayce on top of the roof of the hotel, ten stories high, as if the fall was more a challenge, as if she was invincible. Like in the the dreams he had, he drew her with wings like the ones on the statue on the bone city.

He drew Joan, him and Simone, as kids at Luke's farm sitting in a pile of leaves. Lastly, he tried to draw his mom. He had told Jayce that there was really no difference after he read the gray book, it was mostly true. But now when he thought back to the memories of his mom, he saw the scars that lined her shoulders like snowflakes.

It hurt knowing that it was all a lie. Everything about his childhood and mother was a lie. he slid his sketchpad under his pillow know, feeling more exhausted. A soft tap on his door knocked him out of his thoughts. "Come in." Simone came in, she was still her dirty clothes and looked rumpled. He scooted sideways, so she could be on the other side of the bed with him. Lying a bed with Simone was never odd, they grew up Sleeping over at each other's houses, building blanket forts with the help of Joan, she always helped them build it right so it wouldn't fall down on them. When she had learned how to read, she read to them to get them to sleep on those nights. When Clar and Simone were older they stayed up reading comics and manga.

"You found your glasses," he said. noticing a lens was cracked slightly. "They faired pretty well considering they were in my pocket. I'll have to write a nice not to my eye doctor." She sat down by him slowly. "So Hodge fixed you up?" She nodded. "I still feel terrible though." She looked at him very seriously, her brown eyes fixed on him. "Clar, the fact that you came to save me—that you risked all that—" He held up his hand. "No need," he said. "You'd do the same for me." "Well, of course," she said. "I just always thought that was the way with us. You know." He looked at her puzzled. "What?"

"What I mean is," she seemed surprised it wasn't obvious. "I have always needed you more than you needed me." "That isn't true," Clar said appalled. "But, it is," she said calmly, it was unnerving. "You have never really needed anyone, you've been so I independent, so. . . Contained in your own world inside your head. All you've ever really needed was your pencild, chalk, and imaginary worlds. Sometimes I would say the same thing over and over to you before you'd come back to reality and realize it. And you'd give silly smile you always did. And I knew you had forgotten about the real world, about me, but I was never upset. A little of your attention is better than anyone else's entire attention." He reached out for her hand but instead got her wrist. "In my life, I have only loved four people," he said. "My mom and Luke, Joan, and you. I have lost mom and Luke, and Joan, but not you. Don't you ever imagine that you don't mean enough to me, don't ever think that."

"My mom always says you only need three people for self-actualization," said Simone, voice light but it cracked slightly. "She says you seem pretty self-actualized." Clar smiled. "Does your mom have any other words of wisdom about me?" She gave him a crooked smile. "Yeah," she said. "But i'll never tell." "No fair.". "Life is not fair, Clarus," she said, jokingly. But there was a slight truth to that statement.

——————

Jayce was avoiding Alec and Iz cause they were both trying to pick an argument with her, and Alec would give Jayce one of her usual speeches about responsibility and caring about yourself. She wasn't really in the mood for any of that. So she went off to take a shower and finally after what felt like forever was clean, she threw on a pair of jeans and a plain grey t-shirt. Hodge had reminded her it was Clar's birthday, well almost. So she snuck food from the kitchen and decided she would bring him to the greenhouse to show him the midnight flowers, they were one of the most beautiful things Jayce has ever seen, she couldn't quite describe how beautiful they are.

She remembered the first time she had seen them, the glow of them, all the colors they radiated. How when you saw them it was like time had stopped for just a moment. Jayce loved plants and even though many people would call it cliche for a girl to love flowers so much she didn't care, Jayce loved plants for their beauty.

She came up upon Clar's door, she held the paper bag that had the food in it behind her back. She knocked gently, he opened the door. There he was in jogger pants and a t-shirt, she looked at the freckles on the pale skin of his face and arms that she secretly thought were cute. He gave her a look up and then down.

"I didn't wake you up did I?" she asked curiously. "No," he said, stepping out into the hallway. "What makes you think that." "No reason." "I layed in bed almost a day," he said. "Aren't you tired though?" "Nope," she said. "Shadowhunters are always hard at work, almost no rest." "Uh huh," he said. "So why are you here, anyway?"

"Do you mean as in at your bedroom door or why am I here on earth, in this time. Do you mean what is my purpose here and what great things will I achieve?" He gave her that usual look he did, the one that said I know you're half joking and I am slightly amused but also slightly annoyed. She knew that look well, Alec gave her similar look at times, but Clar's was different in a way, it for one of the first times since she could remember left her not able to describe it exactly, like he could see through to why she was this way. "Imma go back to bed," he said.

He reached for the doorknob but she slid in front of him. "I am here," she said. "Because Hodge reminded me it's your birthday." He gave a sigh. "It's tomorrow, actually." "Why not start celebrating early," she said, and gave him a grin. He eyed her. "You're avoiding Isidore and Alec, aren't you?" She gave him a nod. "You caught me," she said, and added in a more serious tone. "They are trying to pick fights with me, and I am simply not in the mood." "Do they both have the same reason?' "I don't know." she glanced down the hall, as if she were trying to avoid eye contact with him. "Hodge, as well. Almost everyone wants to talk to me. But not you I suppose. I bet you don't want to talk." "You're right," he said, and for a moment he thought she might walk away, but he continued. "I want food, I am hungry."

She brought up the bag from behind her. "I sneaked food when Hodge wasn't paying attention." He grinned at her. "A picnic? Isn't it late for that? Isn't central park—" "Full of faeries. Yes, yes it is." "I was going to say muggers, actually," he said. "Though I pity the fool who would try and mug you.". "Ah, very wise of you, I commend for it," she said. "But I didn't mean central park. I was thinking the greenhouse." "Won't it be dark? It's night—" She smiled at him. "Come, I'll show you."

Tag list: @khaleesiofalicante @chibi-tsukiko @spotsandclawsthings @megs-readstoomuch @replayfootsteps @magnus-the-maqnificent @simply-ellas-stuff @my-archerboy @jazzkaurtheglorious @bookfast-at-tiffanys

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filmnoirfoundation · 29 days

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Don't miss the closing weekend of NOIR CITY Hollywood, Eddie Muller and Alan K. Rode in person. NIGHTMARE ALLEY will screen in nitrate. Tix and full festival schedule: https://bit.ly/3Ij9Mc2

#noir city #noir city hollywood #american cinematheque #eddie muller #alan k rode #nightmare alley #nitrate screening #nitrate #film noir foundation #film noir

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tcm · 4 years

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Holocaust Remembrance: Those Who Survived and Came to Hollywood By Raquel Stecher

Officially established by the United Nations in 2005, January 27th is International Holocaust Remembrance Day. This day honors the 6 million Jewish victims as well as the millions of other victims of the Holocaust. It also marks the anniversary of the 1945 liberation of Auschwitz-Birkenau by the Red Army.

From the time Hitler came to power and throughout WWII, actors, directors, producers, composers, production designers and other members of the European film industry emigrated to Hollywood to escape the Nazi regime and to begin a new phase in their careers. Some artists fled at the first sign of trouble, others were able to escape even in the face of real danger while others were interred in concentration camps and German POW camps. Many lost family members, some nearly lost their own lives but, in the end, they persevered in the face of adversity and lived to tell the tale. Here are some of their extraordinary stories.

Michael Curtiz

According to Michael Curtiz biographer Alan K. Rode, the director did everything he could to get his family out of Hungary. Curtiz arranged transport for his mother and got her housing in Los Angeles. He relocated his brothers David and Gabriel to Tijuana, Mexico where they waited for two years before being allowed entry into the United States. And Curtiz may have employed the help of Jack and Harry Warner to get the U.S. Army Air Corps to transport his sister out of Hungary. Curtiz’ brother Lajos and sisters Regina, Margit and Kornelia decided to stay behind. Margit and her family were eventually interned in Auschwitz and while Margit and her daughter survived, her husband and second child did not.

Audrey Hepburn

Born in Belgium but raised in England, Audrey Hepburn’s parents were pro-Fascists. After their separation, Audrey’s mom Ella moved the family to the Netherlands and joined the Dutch resistance. Before becoming an actress, Hepburn studied as a dancer and her skills were put to good use when she was commissioned by local resistance leader Dr. Hendrik Visser‘t Hooft to perform dance numbers at underground meetings known as “zwarte avonden”, aka black evenings. This was a way to earn money to help fund the Dutch resistance’s efforts to hide or transport Jews across the country.

Martin Kosleck

German actors who fled Europe for America often found themselves playing Nazis in Hollywood productions. Actor Martin Kosleck played Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels 5 times including a role in CONFESSIONS OF A NAZI SPY (‘39), considered the first anti-Nazi film. Kosleck himself was an outspoken opponent to Hitler and the Third Reich and fled Germany in 1931 when a warrant was issued for his arrest. A few years after he left, he was placed on the list of Gestapo’s “undesirables” and was tried and sentenced in absentia but remained safe in Hollywood.

Fritz Lang

Lang’s celebrated film METROPOLIS (‘27) was one of Adolph Hitler’s favorite films. The director caught the eye of both Hitler and Goebbels, the latter had even offered Lang the job of head of the German Cinema Institute which Lang eventually declined. Shortly after the premiere of THE TESTAMENT OF DR. MABUSE (‘33), Goebbels banned the film for inappropriate use of Nazi party slogans. Lang claimed that Goebbels then offered him another job as production supervisor at UFA which he declined. Lang’s Jewish heritage was no problem because according to Goebbels “we’ll decide who’s Jewish!” Lang wisely left Germany for Paris and eventually made it to Hollywood. His soon-to-be ex-wife and longtime collaborator Thea von Harbou joined the Nazi party and eventually wrote and directed propaganda films.

Curt Lowens

Actor Curt Lowens’ story of surviving the Holocaust was one of bravery and sheer luck. Born in Poland, Lowens’ father was a highly respected attorney and his mother was an active member of the local Jewish community. His father moved the family to Berlin in hopes that he would find more work among the large Jewish community in that city. As the political climate changed, the Lowens planned to emigrate to the US by way of the Netherlands but the Germans invaded the day they were supposed to leave. Lowens’ father’s connections helped saved them from deportation to Auschwitz and eventually got them out of Westerbork. The family went into hiding and Curt Lowens changed his name to Ben Joosten and became an active member of the Dutch resistance. On V-E Day, Lowens rescued two members of the US Army Air Corps for which he received a commendation from General Dwight Eisenhower.

Branko Lustig

Croatian producer Branko Lustig is best known for his work on SCHINDLER’S LIST (‘93). Lustig himself was a survivor of both the Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen concentration camps. In his acceptance speech for the Best Picture Oscar for SCHINDLER’S LIST, Lustig said, “My number was 83317. I’m a Holocaust survivor. It’s a long way from Auschwitz to this stage. I want to thank everyone who helped me to come so far. People died in front of me at the camps. Their last words were ‘be a witness of my murder. Tell to the world how I died. Remember.’” Lustig hoped that his work on the film helped fulfill his obligation to the innocent victims of the Shoah and that we will never forget what happened to them.

S.Z. Sakall

The actor affectionately known as “Cuddles” was born Gero Jeno in Hungary in 1883. Early in his acting career he changed his name to Szöke Szakall (aka Blonde Beard) which was later shortened to S.Z. Sakall. The Jewish Sakall performed on stage and in film in Hungary and Austria. In his autobiography he remembers a chance meeting with Hitler, who openly criticized Sakall’s recent picture A CITY UPSIDE DOWN (‘33). Years later Sakall and his second wife Anna Kardos fled for Hollywood. Many members of Sakall’s family, including sisters, nieces and in-laws died in concentration camps. Sakall almost turned down the role of Carl the head waiter in CASABLANCA (‘42) because he thought it might be too much to bear.

Roman Polanski

Born in France but raised in Poland, by the age of nine Roman Polanski and his parents were deported and separated from each other. In an interview with the Hollywood Reporter, Polanski recalls that his pregnant mother was most likely killed upon arrival to Auschwitz. His father was interned at the Mauthausen camp in Austria and managed to survive the ordeal. Polanski himself avoided the concentration camps by changing his name to Romek Wilk and fleeing to the countryside where he hid until the liberation. His experiences influenced his film THE PIANIST (2002) although he claims that the film was in no way autobiographical.

Douglas Sirk

In 1934, the German director divorced his first wife Lydia with whom he had a son Klaus. Both Lydia and Klaus joined the Nazi party and because Sirk’s second wife Hilde was a Jewish woman he was not permitted to have contact with his son. Klaus was a child actor in numerous Nazi propaganda films and eventually served as a soldier in the German army and died on the battlefield in 1944. While filming in the Netherlands in the late 1930s, Sirk was contracted by Warner Bros. and he and his wife fled the Nazi regime for a new life in Hollywood.

Otto Preminger

A few years before Otto Preminger moved to Hollywood, he was offered the position of director of Austria’s state-run theater, the Burgtheater, which required that he convert from Judaism to Catholicism. Preminger turned down the offer. This was a good decision on Preminger’s part because it allowed him to later take Joseph Schenck’s invitation to work in Hollywood. Also, religious conversion would not have protected Preminger from the Nazi regime. Preminger left in 1937 and his parents and brother stayed behind. When Austria was invaded in 1938, they found refuge in Switzerland.

Conrad Veidt

The German born star of films like THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI (‘20) was not Jewish himself but stood in solidarity with wife Lily who was. When Goebbels required actors in the German film industry to declare their race Veidt made the bold decision to declare himself on the form as Jude (Jew). This infuriated Goebbels who proclaimed that Veidt would never work in Germany again. He and his wife fled for England in 1933 and later emigrated to Hollywood. Veidt would go on to play Nazis on screen including his part as Major Strasser in CASABLANCA.

Fred Zinnemann

Austrian director Fred Zinnemann started off as a concert violinist and a law student before transitioning to a career in film. He left for Hollywood in 1929 seeking better opportunities. His film THE SEVENTH CROSS (‘44) was one of the first to acknowledge the existence of concentration camps. Unfortunately, Zinnemann lost both of his parents in the Holocaust. According to a page of testimony Zinnemann filed on behalf of his parents for the Martyrs’ and Heroes’ Remembrance Authority in 1984, his mother Anna most likely died in Auschwitz in August 1942 and his father Oskar died in Belzec around December 1941.

#Holocaust Remembrance #actors #Hollywood #TCM #Turner Classic Movies #Raquel Stecher #audrey hepburn #WWII #Fritz Lang #Otto Preminger #Douglas Sirk #Michael Curtiz

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kainumbernine009 · 3 years

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I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.

I’m... really not okay.

And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.

I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).

I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is “right.”

Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.

But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.

And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.

And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.

I lost everything.

I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.

It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.

I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.

I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.

And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!

And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.

I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.

I ALWAYS try to do better.

In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.

The problem with some of y’all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.

I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.

So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.

So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.

So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.

I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.

I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.

So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.

So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.

Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.

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