#again ill say im not the best source to ask from since im still not that good myself but!

[thekaijudude]

Ok, so what kind of power-ups would it take for the entirety of canon to defeat the Dehanatian Army?

Btw, the Dehanatian Army is… absolutely CRAZY, even as far as fanfiction’s concerned. I mean, despite the fact that the way I plan for them to be beaten in my story is with an army described as consisting of “every iteration of every form of every Ultra Warrior and every Absolutian Warrior that has ever existed in the multiverse” as well as every Ultra Series defense team ever, they’d still put up quite the fight due to their numbers and the strength of an individual foot soldier of this army (the weakest ones are around the level of GingaVictory, the strongest are around Ultra Brother Level).

But yeah, let me break that whole statement down for you: let’s use Zero for an example. This army’s not fighting Zero’s base form, it’s fighting all of the forms he’s ever had in my multiverse. On top of that, it’s fighting a version of each of those forms from every year since he gained them. So they’re fighting several thousands of every form of Zero. And yes: on top of just Zero, they’re doing the same with every Ultra and Absolutian warrior that’s ever existed. That includes those who’ve been long dead and those who still have a long way to go in life. Plus, on top of all that, you even have every defense team.

We’ve already talked about who’s in charge of the Dehanatian army: Dehanatis. However, I’ll send you the link to his doc again. Just know he’s planned to fight Ultraman Milave Perfection Mythical, Ultraman Constelas Beyond, and Ultraman Ignitious Solar State to a near perfect standstill and is only defeated with the aid of a heavily buffed Absolute Tartarus (who had just gotten back from sacrificing himself to summon that insane army) and the light of an energy source I’ve named the Multiverse Firmament (which is basically my take on the Eternity Core).

As for the scaling of Milave Perfection Mythical, Constelas Beyond, and Ignitious Solar State, I’ve sent you information in regards to them, too. 

Oh, also, don’t use Zhrodulus in this: Dehanatis is already a ridiculously overpowered threat in base form, so there’s no need for that form to be included.

Youre asking a pretty weird question tbh.

Let me explain why.

Firstly, we can obviously see that yr OC is multiversal level, and no one in canon has demonstrated any feats on this level, with the best known feat being of course King fusing with the entire Side Space Universe (Lets just say he's Universal level for the sake of argument)

Secondly, restricting to canon means that u also cant bring in potentially beings that are potentially higher than the Legendary Ultras (eg Power Sources).

Thirdly, theres no powerup we've seen thus far that allows any Ultra to close this gap in power. iirc the best powerup Ive ever noted and explained before was the "Potential Unleashed" form that Ken had when he wielded the Ultimate Blade, which I calculated, grants about 30 000 years of M78 power growth, or a power multiplier of around 10^9 - 10^12 x base power. But we've only seen this work on the Ultra Great War Era Ultras.

iirc, the lowest Multiversal level for powerscaling is Low Multiversal, which the character can destroy from 2-1000 Universes, which is what im gonna put yr OC in since u brought in multiversal feats here (Gonna highball this yr OC abit cause i wanna sidestep the question of the extent of dimensional manipulation that u brought in as well). In contrast, canon has thus far only demonstrated Universal level feats

So clearly if we stick to canon, this would be an easy win for yr OC, and theres no known powerup that we know of in canon that could balance out the scales here. Which means the only way to actually answer this question is to go beyond canon to postulate, which is why yr question is weird cause ill have to go beyond canon to answer this question, or else there simply is no answer due to canon.

With that being said, theres a few ways I can approach this question:

Firstly, by extrapolating canon. Recall King is at 10^90 NG, if we assume that this is the minimum required power level to destroy say 1 Universe, the next known strongest is Noa, being 10^15 x stronger than King, therefore being able to destroy 10^15 Universes, this places Noa in Solid Multiverse Level (or 2B in powerscaling terms). Means we already have an existing member of canon that can hold his own against your OC. But this then becomes a discussion of who can manipulate/destroy to a greater extent, which is a very difficult question to answer cause recall that in the first place, we dont even have a solid Universal feat from canon (which im extrapolating from in the first place), and neither do you have so for your OC.

Another way we can approach this under the same category is of course to include the other postulated beings that are stronger than Noa that are in canon, such as VoL, Ultra Mind, Plasma Spark, Radical Destruction Bringer etc, but the only one that I am able to actually calculate is the DoL, being at 10^9000 NG, but itll just lead to the same undefined conclusion as above, but this just provides another perspective.

Secondly, by sticking as close to canon as possible, while im very sure Legendary Ultras surely have access to greater forms than what we see them portray (they have 300 000+ years of battle experience so of course), I wanna stick to known powerups for now, or else the entire answer would just be AU-based, not grounded in canon. We can simply just use the greatest canonical powerup that I pointed out above, that being the Ultimate Blade and assume it also works on Legendary Ultras, say Noa (whos the oldest and thus, assumed to be the strongest), whos at 10^105 NG, with the Ultimate Blade, this gives a resultant of 10^114 - 10^117 NG. Tho, this still gives the same result as the first point.

Another possibility is more ridiculous tbh as its mainly just testing the limits of the technology Ultras use to power themselves up. For example, theres no known canonical limit as to just how many of say Ultra Cards Orb can fuse to continuously give a stronger and stronger fusion, Like yeah sure itll take ALOT to reach even say Universal level, but considering that theres countless Ultras across the Multiverse, its theoretically possible? But of course its ridiculous nonetheless. Same idea with Ultra Overlapping, Ultra Fusion, Fusion Rise, pure fusion etc.

Lastly, is of course going into AU powerups, which tbh I dont wanna go there cause theres no point discussing this as one can always come up with a powerup thatll somehow bridge the power gap. But unlike the rest of the previous possibilities, this is the only one that could give a definitive answer to your question. Because to sidestep the discussion of which 2B-scaling (or 2A) is greater than the other, we just simply need to come up with a powerup to definitively place a canon being on Tier 1 at Extradimensional level, cause we can then say that itll definitively trump any Tier 2.

So yeah, stuff gets really insane and difficult to discuss on Universal scales and beyond, especially when we dont have solid feats from canon on this scale in the first place, which is why u cant really expect good answers that are based in canon cause your question premise wouldnt even be answerable without me making so many assumptions and large extrapolations

Thanks for the question!

#ultraman #asks

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hey, toadstool 🍄  here again from this ask: https://www.tumblr.com/traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors/727957309937057792/trigger-warning-scary-sexual-situation-and?source=share

tw sexual harassment and victim blaming

i really appreciated the response i got, and i guess im looking for further advice and validation/support

i talked to a title 9 person at my college and also my roommate about it. the title 9 person said if he does it again after i tell him to stop that i can take title 9 action as that would count as sexual harassment if he continued after i explicitely tell him to stop, but im not sure if im gonna take any title 9 action. i talked to my roommate about it, first like generalized and he just laughed and said it was a "low bar" for me to request no sexual actions of any sort with the other person in the room. i then spelled it out for him that i dont want him to do what he did those past couple times while i was awake and in the room and that it really upset me, stating it’s not okay in any situation with the other person in the room unless they consent. he then sighed and said "alright ill reel it back." i thought that meant he listened and wouldnt do that again, but he did last night. genuinely not sure if i should do something with title 9 or just suffer until i can get out of this room (im trying its just taking a while.) idk what i should do now, he obviously wont listen to me, and also title 9 office blamed me for it saying i shoudve set better boundaries so i dont feel safe with them, even if they said they could do something for me in my current situation. but ive heard from others that the title 9 office doesnt do shit even if they say they do. idk what to do, im struggling a lot rn

Hey toadstool,

I'm sorry to hear that it happened again. I'm glad that you spoke with Title IX. Since they said that it can count as sexual harassment if he does it again after you tell him to stop, it sounds like that's exactly what ended up happening.

Even if the Title IX department doesn't respond in a satisfactory way, it may still be worthwhile to notify them that it has happened again, and see what kind of action will be taken, if anything. That may be a better option than suffering in silence for an indefinite amount of time, and potentially being subjected to these incidents again and again. It's ultimately up to you what to do here, but it may be worth reflecting on which options may have the best outcome for your mental health.

Like I said before, it may be helpful to look into your school's counseling center, if they have one. Having a therapist could be an asset to you as you navigate this situation and the feelings that are coming up for you.

I hope I could help and, as always, we're here if you need anything.

-Bun

#toadstool 🍄 #toadstool #🍄 #tw abuse #tw sa

[kenmahive]

daiya no ace long post that nobody asked for but i literally just finished it rn and i have a lot of thoughts

(mutuals who are into sports manga/anime please WALK WITH ME and what i have to say)

daiya no ace (ace of diamond) is a sports manga centered on baseball written by yuji terajima. it follows sawamura eijun, a pitcher, who was scouted to join an private high school known for its baseball team.

im going to be outright: i did not get this it at all when i first tried consuming it. initially, i tried watching the anime after a friend recommended it to me and it was also the first time ive ever heard of daiya. ao ashi is my favorite sport manga/anime of all time and she said that since i liked ao ashi sm, i should check daiya out since the two works have some parallels. so i did.

but i couldn’t get into it. it was so painfully slow and i also think my headspace/current situation at that time also had a play in it. i think i got to around seven episodes and stopped because things were barely moving forward. im a busy college student, and i really wanted to watch something that would entertain me during my rare free time, and it wasn’t doing it for me. so i stopped watching. but i wasn’t opposed to picking it back again some other time around.

fast forward to now. it’s a semester break, i picked the manga up a few days ago and decided to come back to the story but to read the source material first because im in a sports manga kick after reading slam dunk. and i think just found my second favorite sports manga.

like my experience, i understand that this may not be for everyone and that it’s hard to get into. the story really takes it time, act 1 (the one im talking here btw and the one i just finished. ill start act 2 tomorrow) has around 400 chapters and the protagonist isn’t even a starter for his team by the end of it. and you could say that it’s realistic and beats other sports mangas in the field in the realism department. because being an athlete isn’t easy, being the best in a team doesn’t happen in a blink of an eye.

but im telling you pls PLS give it a chance because once it kicks in, you can’t stop reading. like i kid you not while reading throughout the series and i only had a hundred something pages left, i felt like i was robbing my future self of joy by continuing reading because that means that the story would end soon (i know there’s act 2 but). like i simply did not want it to end soon, but at the same time i want to know what happens next.

the mc is also going down by my books of favorite protagonists of all time, and i want to add that im someone who don’t gravitate towards mcs most of the time. for some reason, other characters like a deuteragonist or side characters tend to catch my attention more. watching him grow and his journey was so … uplifting ? and it was such a joy i was rooting for him all throughout.

i also think that the manga does a good job in portraying the unpredictability of sports. most of the times in sports mangas/animes, the formula would be: main team would lose to the big guys, main team would train, main team would fight the big guys again, then they win. but thats not the case for daiya (i mean they will face them off again in act 2 but the fact that it subverts the formula in act 1 still stands), which again, accurately portrays the unpredictability of sports irl. some favorites to win get eliminated shockingly.

the story also does a good portrayal of a healthy rivalry where the competition between the two rivals (eijun and furuya) mutually allows them to grow and better themselves. not only that, but they’re also supportive of each other and have a good relationship overall.

anyways now i want to talk about my favorite character: miyuki

can i just say MI CAPITAN. literally my number one boy we cannot replace.

when i first tried watching the anime and my friend (the one who recommended it to me) asked me who are the characters that caught my eye from the few episodes ive seen, i mentioned a bunch of characters and she was in disbelief that i didnt mention miyuki and now that ive read the entire thing IM IN DISBELIEF TOO.

i just love him sm and the way he supports his juniors/pitchers. not to mention hes really an integral part of the team as the catcher, captain, and was responsible for two important aspects in a game in order for them to win. his whole performance in the seikou game is the biggest i am him performance ever and he just moves me sm like idk if i want to be with him or BE HIM. ive only finished part 1 and im curious to know more about his character on the second act.

anyways i think ive rambled too much and idk how to close this huge word vomit but yeah. READ DAIYA!! genuinely give it a chance and you wont regret it

#i have a lot of thoughts ok #daiya no ace #ace of diamond #sports manga #word vomit

[hanymelon]

Hi! Your art is *chef's kiss* and the ways you draw Mammon solo or with your MC are super cute and I love the way you detail his blushes and expressions so much. I get excited everytime I see you post a new drawing 💕

I was wondering if you had any tips for a beginner artist on, like, anatomy or just starting off in general? I usually just write and stick to that for OM, but some ideas feel like they should be drawn. I get confused with where I should start practicing and usually just drop the idea altogether.

Sorry if that put you on the spot or anything, don't feel bad if you don't wanna answer. I also really just wanted to gush about your art and ty for drawing so much good stuff!

Hi! Awwh thank you so much! ;v; Im so happy you get like my art enough to say that <333 💕💕💕 I know what you mean about getting ideas that feel like they should be drawn. Sometimes i get ideas that i think would be better done in writing. If you wanna share what you've written, id love to give them a read :)) No pressure tho! Ah, i get excited when someone is starting to pick up drawing. It can be challenging but super rewarding. Before i give specific tips, firstly I'd say if you are just starting out, have fun with it and dont stress too much about the technicalities. If you get too caught up with how something doesn't look right or how your anatomy is wonky, you'll bog yourself down and end up not creating at all which is sad :( In the end, its really about getting your ideas down on paper and it shouldn’t be something too too stressful since youre doing it for fun anyway! I have to remind myself that no one is holding me at gunpoint and forcing me to create drawings with perfect anatomy or proportions, im still learning! And thats okay!

[More under the cut bc this got kinda long!]

With that out of the way, here are some tips you can hopefully use. Im not that great at anatomy either, but what helps me a lot is references. Its pretty typical advice, but it really helps me understand form and what the human body can and cant do. like can the arm twist that way? Idk, look up a reference. Although it is the best way, sometimes its really overwhelming to look at actual pictures of humans and trying to translate that to a cartoony anime-ish drawing so you can start out by referencing anime (or cartoons) instead. When i was starting out i used to do little studies on styles that i liked. That can help a lot with seeing how artists you like draw certain things. For example how they make the arms and legs not look stiff, the specific curves they use for the waist, the folds in the clothes, etc etc. (Goes without saying here, but just don't upload your studies or copied drawings on the internet and claim it as your own and you're all good) I’d insert pictures of my own studies but i dont have them with me where i am rn so i cant do that unfortunately sorry! So lets say you have this super specific pose in mind and you cant find a reference for it or youre just too lazy to sort through hundreds of pictures on google or pinterest to find that one perfect ref img. You can just pose and take a picture of yourself. i do this a lot and sometimes get my friends (who are also art students so that makes things easier haha) to help if i need it. If you really dont want to do that tho, something i also do a lot is to do the pose while drawing it. Feeling and seeing where my body naturally leans and where body parts are relative to each other in a certain pose really helps. for example if im drawing someone waving, how far away is the hand from the head, should the elbow be out or close to the body, how long should the forearm be etc etc. Yknow the thing where you make the same expression as the character you're drawing? The way you kinda feel the way its supposed to look? Yeah its like that but for poses fjsv i hope this makes sense. Personally im not a big believer of the "Draw everyday!! Even when you dont feel like it!!" advice. But If youre really enjoying what you do, youd wanna be doing it every day anyway. And the more you draw, the more comfortable itll become and the more things will kind of make sense when you notice patterns as you practice. I guess what im trynna say is make the practice fun and not feel like a bother so you'd wanna do it more and in turn improve more. Its a cycle haha.  Im not the most qualified to give advice but i hope this helped a bit? There are plenty of sources on the interwebs that are very useful and can probably help you a lot. I hope you keep drawing anon! Tldr; Draw what you want, use references, strike the pose and feel your body, make practice fun (whatever that might mean for you), the more you do it the better you’ll get

#ask hany #drawing tips #again ill say im not the best source to ask from since im still not that good myself but! #i tried! #its all pretty standard advice but i hope you got a lil bit from it! #not saying everyone should do it these things but they do help me a lot

[mindmeltonabun-blog]

Doom At Your Service: Analysis & Theories for EPs 9-10

Anyone mentally exhausted from watching DAYS? Well, you’ve come to the right place where I do the thinking for you, so you don’t have to! As always, if you have any questions, feel free to click on the ask question button! Happy Readings !

The Contract Revisited

While reviewing the contract, I realized there was something major that I had completely missed! Anyways let’s go over the contract again to clear up some confusion.

The Contract is as follows:

1) Dong Kyung must ask for Myul Mang to destroy the world before she dies (It could be rephrased as Dong Kyung must ask for Myul Mang to destroy the world before her tentative expiration date)

2) During Dong Kyung’s last 100 days, Myul Mang will prevent her from feeling any pain

3) Myul Mang has to grant her one real wish

4) If Dong Kyung breaks the contract (does not wish for the world to be destroyed) then the person she loves the most will die

If Dong Kyung does not violate the contract as in she wishes for the world to be destroyed, the person she loves dies anyways because you know.... the world is non existent. If Dong Kyung does violate the contract, meaning she does not wish for the world to be destroyed, the person she loves dies too because her doom is transferred to them. Some have also wondered whether she can has to ask for the world to be destroyed in order to get her one real wish to be granted. In my opinion, I don't think so. I think she can still get her one real wish to be granted regardless of whether she wishes for doom upon the world or not. Other things to note is that nothing will happen to Myul Mang if he does not stick to the terms of the contract (i.e keeps Dong Kyung pain free and granting her one real wish) because as Dong Kyung said "If I violate" not "If either you or I violate".

Now something to pay close attention to is #4. In Ep 2, Myul Mang had said he would take Dong Kyung’s doom (brain cancer) and transfer it to someone she loves. This is the part I missed! I’d thought that all Myul Mang was doing was transferring the death that was meant for her, not that he was actually removing her source of death which was her brain cancer. Therefore, if Dong Kyung breaks the contract, she will live because her brain cancer is removed and is subsequently transferred into the person she loves, causing them to die instead. I feel incredibly stupid for missing this important piece of info. In light of this new info, I will therefore retract my previous theory that Dong Kyung’s one wish will be to cure her brain cancer.

For those who were confused by that scene of Dong Kyung going to the beach and staying away from everyone, here are my thoughts on that. Dong Kyung was trying to find a loophole. The loophole was that she was planning on violating the contract while protecting the people she loves. This means that Dong Kyung was planning on ending herself at the beach (you can't wish for doom upon the world if you're already dead) and accepting her doom (her doom can't be transferred to anyone else because she accepts it in herself).

Who’s Going to Get Dong Kyung’s Brain Cancer and Die?

I recently had a eureka moment a few days ago before Eps 9-10 aired that led me to formulating a new theory -- it's actually Dora who will inherit Dong Kyung’s brain cancer and die. Let’s think through some things first, “the person you love the most will die”. The most obvious choice is Myul Mang. However, if you think about that statement in a more abstract way, you can see that if Dong Kyung loves her life, then the person who will die is Dora. Remember that Dora is basically the personification of life.

To further add evidence that supports this theory, I present to you Exhibit A, Dora’s massive nosebleed. We know Dong Kyung has a rare type of brain cancer and it’s located in her frontal lobe. As days pass, the brain tumor is growing or metastasizing. In theory, the tumor could grow into nearby areas such as her nasal cavity and cause Dong Kyung to have nose bleeds (FYI: In real life, I’m a scientist with experience in the field of oncology and most of the time brain tumors don’t grow outside of the brain. It can happen, but it is very rare!). Now, think about the events that occurred before Dora's nose bleed. For example, Dong Kyung was out and about enjoying her time with Myul Mang and her family and friends. Essentially, Dong Kyung was beginning to love her life. This causes Dora to suffer because she is taking in Dong Kyung's illness into herself. Subsequently, this leads to Dora experiencing some of the symptoms of Dong Kyung's brain cancer (e.g nose bleed). Thus, as Dong Kyung is beginning to live, Dora is beginning to die.

Exhibit B: Adventures of Pinocchio. At the end of the story, the Fairy (Dora) heals an ailing Geppetto (Dong Kyung) as a reward for Pinocchio (Myul Mang) becoming a good boy. Following this, we don’t hear much about what happens to the Fairy except that she’s in laying in a hospital on the verge of death. It is implied that in order to heal Geppetto, the Fairy had to take his illness into herself. Afterall, nothing is without consequences, someone must pay so that others can be happy. Much like the story of Pinocchio, Dora is doing the same thing as the Fairy. Dora is taking in Dong Kyung’s illness so that Dong Kyung can freely love her son, Myul Mang, without consequences (e.g Myul Mang dying).

Exhibit C: Dong Kyung walking around like she didn’t have brain cancer while in seclusion. You would think that since she didn’t see Myul Mang to recharge, she would be experiencing some severe symptoms, but nope she was walking around as if she was cured! I wonder where her cancer went.......DORA!

Exhibit D: Dora telling Dong Kyung to be madly in love and live. Basically Dora saying, "Love my son and live, don't worry about your brain cancer or him dying because I'm taking care of it."

Why Dora Didn't Want Myul Mang To See Her

For those wondering why Dora didn’t want Myul Mang to see her, here are my two cents. One explanation is that Dora probably didn’t want him to figure out that she was inheriting Dong Kyung’s brain cancer. It would’ve made him feel guilty to see that his mother was willing to take on even more pain just so he could be happy. Another explanation is that Myul Mang still has a lot of growing up to do (to become human). Dora didn’t want him to get the idea that he’s out of the clear just yet. Meaning if Myul Mang had found out that Dora was doing this for him then he would’ve thought life was a breeze now and have no further motivations to want to grow, thus ruining Dora’s plan for him (to grow up to become a good human). There’s no better motivation to make someone grow than the thought of their love ones dying.

Final Theory on Dong Kyung’s Wish

In my previous post, I had discussed that without knowing the limits of what one could or could not wish for, it was difficult for me to accurately predict what Dong Kyung’s wish would be. However, in this week’s episode, I was finally given the limits: the wish must be a wish that is doom in nature. I thought to myself, what could be a good thing to end? Oh, that’s right, Myul Mang’s immorality. Dong Kyung must say “I wish for your immortal life to end” or something along those lines. The combination of Dong Kyung’s wish + Myul Mang’s willingness to sacrifice himself for her + Dora’s plant = the rebirth of Myul Mang into a real boy....oops I mean real hu-man.

The Ending of DAYS

So, what kind of ending will DAYS have? Prepare yourselves. I think it’s going to be a bittersweet ending because it goes with the one of the main themes DAYS which is dualism. I think Myul Mang will be reborn as a human, but still have his doom responsibilities (so more like a fake human). He will probably end up becoming like Dora in the sense that he gets to experience the cycle of life and death over an infinite amount of time. Dong Kyung won’t be reborn in his next life cycle (remember Myul Mang tells that crazy lady there’s no afterlife; humans only have this one life). I guess the notion that the love he and Dong Kyung share will always be with him and forever serve as a shining beacon even in his loneliest days is sweet, but still I want a happy ending!!!

Now excuse my language, but to hell with dualism and what is logical! I want a happy ending where Myul Mang becomes human, lives with Dong Kyung, and when he dies that’s it. No coming back to doing his doom job in a different life. Dora can create another herald of doom. Dora did it once before and she could do it again lol. Or if Myul Mang must come back in a different life, at least allow Dong Kyung to be reborn at the same time. I mean you can grow the same plant again…. EVER HEARD OF PROPROGATION DORA?!! Metaphorically speaking, if Dong Kyung is a sunflower, then wait until she dies, harvest her seeds and grow her again…. it’s that simple Dora!!!

Some Thoughts on the Writer of DAYS

The writer (Im Meari) of DAYS is at best, pretentious and at worst, derivative. She’s more or less just rehashing the works of other great philosophers (Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Deleuze, etc). She presents DAYS as a collection of major philosophical concepts with the intention to differentiate herself from that of other kdramas writers. She goes onto placing great stress on the idea that in order to innovate or bring about a new beginning, one must deviate from the norm, yet she herself does not diverge from the ideas of other philosophers. She does not present any philosophy of her own. In this aspect, she is a hypocrite to the very ideas she tries to preach. Oh well, to each their own. Who knows, maybe my opinion of Im Meari will change by the end of the series. Anyways, I’m still here for the romance between the actors and actresses and solving mysteries!

Ep 11 Preview Predictions

Here are my predictions for Ep 11 based off of the preview, they may or may not be correct !

Dong Kyung takes back the bracelet from Myul Mang after their conversation on the beach. Honestly, I’m growing tired of this whole giving/taking the bracelet type situation lol.

Dong Kyung enjoys a nice vacation with Myul Mang on Jeju island.

Dong Kyung returns from the vacation because she finds out that her aunt is sick (probably from worrying about Dong Kyung). Dong Kyung beats herself up about it.

Dong Kyung is sick again (probably from hating life...remember that I had theorized that the more Dong Kyung loves her life, the sicker Dora will be become) and Myul Mang in his desperation pleads with Dora to help him, but Dora’s version of helping him is to …. surprise surprise… teach him another lesson. The lesson is that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and that Myul Mang and Dong Kyung complete each other for the better. Dora shows Myul Mang what their lives would've been like if they had never existed in each other’s lives.

Dong Kyung having never experience any kind of suffering would live a healthy life but become the most unappreciative and spoiled person ever. She may go on to finding that life was pretty meaningless and would want to put an end to it all. And Myul Mang having never met Dong Kyung wouldn't have any motivation or desire to grow as a person and so he would remain stagnant. And who knows… maybe at some point, that Myul would’ve became so angry with humans that he would personally go around killing every last one of them.

#doom at your service #doomatyourservice #myulmang #Myul mang #dong kyung #dongkyung #kimsaram #Kim saram #DAYS #parkboyoung #park bo young #seo in guk #seoinguk #kdrama #kdramas #theories #analysis #long post

[hongism]

give and take - k.ys, j.wy, k.hj 18+

pairing; wooyoung x yeosang x hongjoong genre; angst, smut, 18+, the angst isn’t bad i swear it’s temporary wc; 16.8k summary; watching the two people he has feelings for come together in a relationship that holds some of the greatest moments of intimacy. and sure, yes, yeosang acknowledges that it could be something purely physical for them, but that doesn’t negate the fact that the two people he has feelings for are fucking and have been fucking right under his nose for the last several weeks. warnings; explicit smut, fingering, oral sex: m, dirty talk, praise, lil degradation, slight exhibitionism and voyeurism, explicit smut, multiple orgasms, come sharing, masturbation, handjobs, threesome, sub woo, sub yeo, dom joong, yaknow the works an; happy belated valentine’s day! i hope you all enjoy muahmuah xx also this is grossly unedited im sorry but my internet is gonna go out again at any second and i just wanna post this ;;-;

﹊﹊﹊

It starts, as many things do, with a little bit of jealousy. And honestly, Yeosang could not for the life of him tell you what exactly that jealousy was in the slightest (at least that is what he tries to convince himself on nights where his thoughts all but consume him). He was not the first to notice the sudden dynamic shift between Hongjoong and Wooyoung, and he was positively certain that the others would catch up soon enough. He was the third to detect the shift in their demeanors around each other; Seonghwa obviously being the first since he’s so close with Hongjoong and apparently has to vacate his own bedroom whenever Wooyoung disappears inside. Jongho, the ever-observant and perceptive youngest, was the second to notice, and he is actually the one who prompted Yeosang to take a deeper look into what was going on.

At first, Yeosang thought nothing of it. Hongjoong and Wooyoung had been getting closer, moving past those first fumbling awkward moments they had in the beginning and blossoming into a closer relationship. It seemed only natural for the two of them to spend more time together. Then Jongho pulled him aside one day after Wooyoung quite deliberately turned down the opportunity to play games with San and Yunho. 

“What’s going on with Wooyoung-hyung and Hongjoong-hyung?”

Yeosang had blinked dumbly at the younger and made some sort of dumb noise asking why Jongho would be bringing the question to him of all people, then it sunk in that of course he would bring it to Yeosang. Yeosang is both the one who has known Wooyoung the longest — and is subsequently the closest with the younger brunette — as well as Wooyoung’s roommate, so he spends a considerable amount of time with the man.

“He’s not mentioned anything to me?”

Yeosang cursed himself then for sounding so dumb and unsure, but it was the truth in the very least, and Jongho gave a slight shrug before walking away with a shady ‘maybe you should pay closer attention, hyung’ that left Yeosang glaring at the spot where the youngest just stood. 

Pay closer attention to what?

Yeosang didn’t have any idea what exactly he was supposed to be paying attention to, so he just did what he thought he did best, which was observing from the sidelines. One good thing about being quiet by nature was being able to examine conversations and interactions with greater care, as well as listen in on things that perhaps he should not be listening to but sometimes the others are just too loud for him not to overhear.

After Jongho mentions it to him though, Yeosang truly does start picking up on things. How Hongjoong snaps at Wooyoung in practice only to give him a twisting smirk afterward, how Wooyoung side-eyes the leader before dipping into the bathroom on movie nights, and especially how Hongjoong always waits three minutes and forty-five seconds before getting up to head down the hall proclaiming to need ‘sleep’. Yeosang is positive the two are doing something behind everyone’s backs — well everyone except Seonghwa, because the eldest always stares after Hongjoong’s back as the man departs with a look in his eye that Yeosang is incapable of placing. 

The most important thing is that Wooyoung is spending less and less time with Yeosang, and consequently, Hongjoong too is spending less time with Yeosang. And the visual truly didn’t think there was anything wrong with it at first. He wasn’t bothered or bent out of shape about the increase in their shady encounters or whatever it is they’re up to because he didn’t think it was too out of the ordinary. 

Then Wooyoung asked for a raincheck on their typical Thursday evening ramen stop. Yeosang saw him darting off to the studio moments after, and he didn’t return to their shared room until Hongjoong did. (Yeosang definitely did stay up waiting for either man to return; he didn’t need the confirmation, of course, he could have just assumed, but what’s several hours of lost sleep to him now?)

And after that, Hongjoong canceled one of their producing sessions together saying that he was simply too busy that day to check in on Yeosang’s progress. He had promised to look over his work and listen to his song when they returned to the dorms, but when Yeosang packed his things and left the studio for the day, he saw a very distinctly Wooyoung-shaped figure dipping into Hongjoong’s studio behind him. 

Yeosang thought he wasn’t one to get jealous. He thought he had learned that lesson the painful way when Wooyoung started casting him to the side to spend time with San instead of him, then when Hongjoong and Seonghwa called him out for the behavior, the issue had been resolved and Wooyoung returned to giving him ample amounts of attention. So truly, Yeosang cannot understand why he feels the small stirrings of jealousy in his gut whenever he sees Wooyoung running to Hongjoong. And even worse are the nagging jealousies that come when the leader is the one to seek Wooyoung out. Yeosang cannot for the life of him rectify that one, because why is he jealous of his best friend for simply spending time with Hongjoong?

He cannot admit it out loud, but in the nights where he finds himself staying up late and waiting for Wooyoung to return with Hongjoong, he thinks deeply about those curling tendrils in his gut. 

Yeosang has come to the conclusion that for once in his life, he does not like this because it makes him feel like he is missing out on something. That is a startling realization in and of itself because Yeosang has never been one to care much about those sorts of things — it just isn’t in his character or personality — so at first he denied that possibility and tried to look to other sources. When nothing else could ever make sense in his mind, Yeosang just had to accept that this was a new and growing feeling to work through. And perhaps it has something to do with the other emotions swirling through his gut that he refuses to name.

Which lands him where he is now: outside Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s door with hand raised and ready to knock on the wood. It isn’t Wooyoung and Hongjoong inside though, not at this time of day, but rather Seonghwa, the one who has the most amount of contact with Hongjoong and also the one who vacates the room whenever Wooyoung comes running over. So if anyone is going to be able to cure Yeosang’s illness that is Not Knowing What the Fuck is Going on, it will 100% be Seonghwa. Yeosang dares to bring his knuckles down on the wood and raps against the door several times before he hears Seonghwa make a noise from inside the room. 

“Hey, Woo, he’s not here right — oh, Yeosang!” Seonghwa blinks several times at the man before him as though he cannot believe that it is Yeosang and not his best friend standing in front of the door. “Are you looking for Hongjoong too? I’m afraid he’s still holed up in the studio right now.”

“W-What? No, no, hyung, I was looking for you,” Yeosang says with a quick shake of his head. Seonghwa’s eyes remain wide in surprise as he speaks, but once the words process, the older steps to the side and beckons for Yeosang to enter the room.

“Don’t be a stranger, of course, sit wherever you’d like. I was just reading a bit.”

Yeosang has no earthly idea how long this conversation might take. For all he knows, it could take a whopping two minutes or perhaps thirty minutes that falls into a lecture about jealousy and all that. So he resolves to perch on the edge of Hongjoong’s lower bunk, nudging one of the stray plushies to the side to make room for himself while Seonghwa pulls the chair from the desk to sit across from Yeosang. It already feels like something of an intervention, and Yeosang makes a note to choose his words very carefully to avoid sounding too upset or jealous about the situation. 

“Has Wooyoung mentioned anything to you recently?” He starts, but perhaps that isn’t the best place to start at all, he realizes once the question is already out.

“Is there something he is supposed to have mentioned?” Seonghwa asks, tilting his head further to the side. 

“No, like — that’s not what I mean. Has he said anything—” This is the moment of truth for Yeosang. Either Seonghwa picks up on his jealousy in an instant, or he receives a straightforward answer and moves on with his life with at least a bit of understanding. “—anything about why he’s spending so much time with Hongjoong-hyung these days?”

“Hm?” Seonghwa seems genuinely perplexed by the question for a considerable amount of time, eyes darting down to look at a spot on the floor as he mulls over the question. Then, he shakes his head a few times and draws his lips into a tight purse. “Not to me at all, no. Has something happened between you two? Is he not speaking with you? Did you have a falling out? If something happened the—”

“No, no, hyung, please,” Yeosang interjects in a rush. Seonghwa cuts his thoughts short with a small frown, and Yeosang knows he is going to have to offer more of an explanation than that to ease the older’s worries. There is a bit too much shame burning at his gut presently though, a nagging and lingering feeling of embarrassment as he realizes he will inevitably have to admit that he is jealous of all things. And that is going to be another issue because Seonghwa knows him almost better than Wooyoung does, and the older for sure knows that Yeosang is never one to be jealous. 

“It’s okay if the two of you are having issues, Yeosang. It happens to everyone, especially people who have known each other for as long as you and Wooyoung have. I’m not trying to insinuate anything of course, but I just want you to know that there’s nothing to be ashamed of if that’s the case.”

God, Yeosang wants to crawl into a tiny hole and die more than anything else right now because fuck this feeling.

“I’m just — I’m only asking because h-he turned San down the other night to spend time with Hongjoong. He has never done that. He and San are th-the closest and they never turn down the opportunity to spend time with each other, and it seems so odd that he would deny San so that he could spend time with‌ Hongjoong instead, and that’s just weird. It’s weird, and he doesn’t talk about it with me, he doesn’t mention it or anything like that, then he goes off and forgoes our plans together to be with Hongjoong too. And that’s fine, yeah, like they should spend time with each other, I don’t mind that part. Just… Hongjoong did it too and rain checked one of our producing lessons because he was apparently too busy with his own work and — and...”

Yeosang’s voice dies in his throat when he finally brings his gaze up to look Seonghwa in the eye, and the expression staring back at him is so raw and understanding that Yeosang cannot physically force any words out at that point. A small smile curls at the edges of Seonghwa’s lips, he huffs out a quiet laugh, and then his chin dips closer to his chest as the laugh overwhelms him. Yeosang, on the other hand, feels positively childish and stupid now that the admission is out there.

“I told them people would start noticing,” Seonghwa mutters more to himself than to Yeosang, but the younger picks up on the comment nonetheless. So he does know what’s going on between them. “Listen, Yeosang, yes, Wooyoung and Hongjoong are spending lots more time together. Yes, they are being a bit inconsiderate when it comes to the other members, but they are… at a phase in their relationship with each other where it’s easy to get caught up and spend unearthly amounts of time together. I have talked with both of them before about being a bit less persistent and intense, as well as prioritizing other people before themselves. But I am more than happy to talk with them about it again if it would help satiate your hurt feelings a bit?”

At least Seonghwa didn’t call him out on his jealousy. He should be grateful for that much. Why isn’t he grateful for that much? Oh, because of whatever the fuck Seonghwa’s rant is supposed to mean. ‘At a phase in their relationship with each other where it’s easy to get caught up and spend unearthly amounts of time together?’ What the hell is that supposed to mean? Seonghwa is still smiling like he knows, and Yeosang is fully aware that Seonghwa does truly know because there is that lingering odd emotion behind his eyes again that Yeosang despises so much.

“I — wait, what?” Yeosang’s brain is running on pure fumes at this point. The confusion has mounted into something immense, and he hardly remembers why he was so upset at this point now because of the bewilderment rushing through his system.

“I can talk with them again if you’d like?” Seonghwa repeats his previous offer, eyes wide as he blinks at Yeosang and awaits an answer.

“No, the — the part about their relationship?”

Seonghwa glances off to the side, and he seems to think over what he’s said before his eyes widen a bit in shock.

“A-Ah! Um, no, don’t — I don’t mean anything crude, of course!” Anything crude? Yeosang’s mind certainly wasn’t going down that path before but now that Seonghwa has mentioned that, it is now. And frankly, that throws him off more than anything else because he never would have assumed that that is what was going on behind those closed doors or anything. He has known Wooyoung swings both ways with little care since well before Wooyoung knew himself, and well, Hongjoong told the whole group that he’s pansexual when they chose him to be the leader because of transparency and honesty or some shit like that but... still. Yeosang would expect something like that to happen between Wooyoung and San but with Hongjoong? He can’t even imagine that — not that he wants to imagine it! He would never do that!

Yeosang’s cheeks flush a deep red when he realizes what Seonghwa means, and the older in turn figures out that Yeosang’s mind was indeed not traveling down that path and he has just caused it to. It’s a disaster, truly, and neither of them seem put together enough to even try to recover the situation. All Seonghwa does is push up from his chair and move towards the door. Yeosang doesn’t have time to wonder what the hell he’s doing or if he’s preparing to kick Yeosang out because when Seonghwa opens the door, it’s Wooyoung who stumbles in with a huff.

“Hyung,” he whines through a pout, not even taking notice of Yeosang’s presence on the edge of Hongjoong’s bed. “He sent me back here and said to wait another hour for him to come home. A whole hour!”

Seonghwa bears a strained smile, and he must look over in Yeosang’s direction because only then does Wooyoung shift and take note of the other presence in the room.

“Oh shit, were you guys — do I need to leave?”

“No, Woo, we were just having a chat,” Seonghwa insists, waving the younger man in. Wooyoung regards his best friend with a wary stare that has Yeosang’s stomach turning in knots several times before he swallows the feeling down. “Um, but since you’re here, this is the perfect opportunity to chat! Between the two of you!‌ So why don’t I step out and—”

“No, hyung, it’s okay.” Yeosang is the one to utter the words, and he does so as he pushes to his feet and away from Hongjoong’s bed. This is not what he came here to do, and yes, Seonghwa is right: they should talk, Yeosang should be honest about his feelings, but he also knows Wooyoung. He knows Wooyoung will whine and complain about Yeosang being too clingy or pointless jealousy or roll his eyes and unintentionally make Yeosang feel even worse about how he feels because that is just the way the other man is. It’s not from a bad place or a toxic place, merely Wooyoung’s way of handling issues, and inevitably Wooyoung will come crawling back to Yeosang’s bunk and cuddle him for a week straight before even thinking to hang out with another member. But right now, that isn’t what Yeosang wants. Mostly because he does not want to acknowledge his jealousy or the fact that it isn’t solely directed at Hongjoong spending time with Wooyoung. It is also directed at Wooyoung who is taking away from Yeosang’s time with the leader. Yeosang needs to work out those feelings before even thinking to discuss the issue with either man.

Seonghwa fixes him a startled glance, one that flits back to Wooyoung’s form several times, but Yeosang ignores it in favor of walking towards the door and replacing Wooyoung’s spot in the doorway. The oldest doesn’t seem pleased with his avoidance, as evidenced by the way he clamps a hand down hard around Yeosang’s arm before he can fully step out. 

“I don’t want to have to play the parent and mediate between the two of you here,” he hisses more to Yeosang than to Wooyoung, but the youngest of the trio hears the words nonetheless and blinks over at his best friend with a bewildered expression. It’s then that Yeosang knows with full clarity that he is completely and utterly caught. Even if he tries to escape now, Wooyoung will come running after him and demand an explanation. “If he hears it from you then he’ll be more like to pull his act together and realize that I’m being serious.”

“Is something going on?” Wooyoung inquires at last, voice much fainter than it had been before. Yeosang manages to slip one glare in Seonghwa’s direction before he dares to face Wooyoung head-on. 

“I just came to ask hyung why you seem to be spending so much time with Hongjoong these days.”

And Wooyoung has the nerve, he has the audacity, to actually look startled by that statement. Like he cannot believe that someone has caught on and realized how much time he’s spending with the leader, and he cannot believe Yeosang would go to Seonghwa of all people for answers. When Wooyoung shifts to look at the oldest, Yeosang doesn’t miss the way he sends a panicked expression of ‘what the fuck did you say to him’ and that’s when Yeosang’s mind really spirals.

At this point, he just wants to know what the fuck is going on so he can push his mind away from the gutter, but Wooyoung’s flushed cheeks and nervous glances are doing nothing to deter Yeosang from having the thought that perhaps Hongjoong and Wooyoung are spending their time together in a more intimate manner and he really needs to —

“He’s bothered by the fact that you keep shrugging him off for Hongjoong,” Seonghwa states, bringing Yeosang’s rampant thoughts to a screeching halt in an instant. “Which I told you both about before but you insisted th—”

“Hyung, it’s really okay, I just meant it as a harmless question, I’m not — it isn’t a big deal.” 

“Is this about me rain checking you on Thursday?” Wooyoung asks. He points an accusatory finger in Yeosang’s direction, and the older of the two is certain that he doesn’t mean it in an accusatory way but he feels pinned and cornered by the gesture either way. “Yeo, I’m really sorry about that. I just wasn’t feeling up to going out that day and—”

“But you went to hyung’s studio right after and didn’t come back until Hongjoong-hyung did,” Yeosang counters before he can stop himself. That lingering bitterness returns to his gut as he mentions the memory, along with the subsequent memory of Hongjoong pushing him to the side for time with Wooyoung.

“In the studio?! Are you two out of your minds?!” Seonghwa hisses and reels on Wooyoung, who blinks back like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“It’s — Yeosang is right there, hyung! Can’t you save the lecture for later? Or go chew hyung’s ear off instead of mine? It was his idea!”

“His idea? His idea! Of course it was. Let me guess: he felt bad for pushing me out of the room so much?” Seonghwa scoffs none too quietly. The bigger picture is started to come together, the puzzle pieces are slotting into place, and Yeosang is edging dangerously close to what he believes to be the truth. 

He can’t stand the suffocation that comes in the air a moment later, almost like his own throat is trying to choke him and end him right then and there. So, he does the only logical thing he can think of and slips out of the open bedroom door as Seonghwa snatches Wooyoung’s ear and tugs mercilessly on the cartilage. The content of their argument is no longer important, not with the knowledge Yeosang has gotten so far, and it’s frankly stupid that he is even feeling so… whatever he is feeling right now. He wanted an explanation, he wanted to know what secrets they were hiding behind closed doors, and all the signs are pointing to one thing Yeosang doesn’t want to imagine.

Yeosang unfortunately doesn’t make it even a foot outside the door before he is running face-first into someone, and judging by the height of the person he nearly just clobbered to the floor, it has to be none other than Hongjoong. Yeosang steadies himself on the other’s shoulders to keep them both from tumbling, and he brings a shaky gaze to the person’s features in search of a confirmation.

Sure enough, it’s Hongjoong, alright. Beanie squishing his mop of hair down, thick black-rimmed glasses sitting atop his dainty nose, and a bag slung over his shoulder that must contain his producing equipment. Yeosang says the only thing he can think of, which seems to be a common trend with him today.

“You’re back early.”

Hongjoong regards him with an expression of confusion and bewilderment, then Yeosang realizes that Hongjoong only told Wooyoung that part so he shouldn’t really have that knowledge, but then again, what’s the big deal? Why should it be odd for Wooyoung to tell his best friend something about their leader? Is that a secret for just the two of them to know as well? Or can Seonghwa be included in their little secret circle too?

“Yeah, I — I thought I would be able to focus but I kept getting distracted so I just packed up and came home to work on stuff instead.”

Yeosang dares to ask.

“Can I come by and work with you on some stuff then?”

“A-Ah, maybe in a bit? I’ll text you and let you know. I really need to hunker down on these…” Hongjoong trails off and rubs at the back of his neck. Yeosang doesn’t miss the way the older man glances off towards the door to his and Seonghwa’s bedroom. 

“Yeah, of course, hyung, no worries,” he forces out, adding a tight smile that he hopes will ease Hongjoong’s stress a bit. The older nods as Yeosang steps out of the way, heading into the bedroom without further ado. 

There is no real reason for Yeosang to stick around so he doesn’t; he merely heads for the living room and makes himself at home on the couch, perching on the cushions in a way that gives him a clear view directly down the hall. He has one more lasting curiosity, and he’s determined to get the answer right now rather than waiting god knows how long for the next opportunity. Thus, he waits. Two minutes pass, then ten, along with some slightly raised voices and Yeosang is sure that Seonghwa is chewing them both out in there, but he can’t make out anything of what they’re saying. Then after twenty long minutes, Seonghwa slips out of the room with a huff and a grumble, eyes rolling nearly to the back of his head, and he snaps the door shut behind him. He doesn’t even glance Yeosang’s way as he dips into the kitchen, although that’s probably because he’s covering his eyes with one of his hands and mumbling about always getting a headache because of those two. 

Still, Yeosang waits. Another two minutes meld into ten. Wooyoung still hasn’t left the confines of Hongjoong’s room. It’s odd and peculiar in his mind because Hongjoong insisted that he needed to focus, he needed to work, but Wooyoung has to be — and Yeosang says this as lovingly as possible — the most distracting human being on the face of the planet. 

It is enough to grab Yeosang’s attention by the horns and drive him to push up off the couch. He doesn’t think twice about what he is doing, that twisting and churning in his gut is the only thing on his mind right now, but he doesn’t stop his warpath until he reaches the end of the hallway where Hongjoong’s door sits on the right. A few seconds of precious silence pass, then he leans towards the wood and presses his ear to it. 

For a moment, he feels entirely too foolish because he doesn’t hear a thing other than the quiet clicking and tapping of what must be Hongjoong’s computer. He turns to leave with his chin tucked to his chest in shame at the thought of how certain he was they were doing something… something in there. Then there’s a quiet moan, followed by an airy giggle that can only be Wooyoung, and a sharply hissed ‘stop that’ from Hongjoong.

“But I’m having fun, hyung. Aren’t you having fun?”

“The only thing I’m supposed to be having is you sit still while I work. You promised to be good if I came home early.”

“And you promised to make me see stars with how hard you’d fuck me. That’s not happening right now either, is it? So why don’t we…”

Yeosang’s brain turns to radio noise. Television static. Microwave beeping. All three at once. Or is that an actual microwave beeping? Is Seonghwa cooking something? He has no clue. He can’t see straight either honestly, mind too overwhelmed with what he has just heard, and shaky legs carry him back to his own door before pushing him inside with as much haste as he can muster. 

Fuck me.

Wooyoung said the words with undeniable clarity. Yeosang shakes against the door, hand still clasped tight around the knob as though it will do him any good. 

Fuck. me.

It really shouldn’t be a big deal. Yeosang should not be bothered. It’s only natural and expected for men of their age to have pent-up sexual frustrations, and of course, they have every right to exercise those urges however they want. Given their orientations, they would slot together perfectly too so why, why, why is Yeosang so bothered right now? It’s shameful the way his jealousy twists further in his gut, and he slides down the door until he’s planted firmly on the ground with knees drawn up to his chest.

He feels so fucking foolish. Thinks back to all the times he and Wooyoung have cuddled and been in close proximity over the years. The way he tried to be daring and bridge the gap between them. The lingering curiosity of blossoming emotions in his chest. The moment he realized where he sat on the spectrum when Wooyoung’s laugh sent such intense feelings of pure love through his chest that Yeosang couldn’t look him in the eye for well over a week after. Hands searching for Wooyoung’s in the dark, clasping tight together, and the fleeting sensation of lips dragging over Yeosang’s knuckles. Breathy laughs exchanged in the dark, soft admissions of love that Yeosang refused to amount to anything more than a friendship but secretly — oh so secretly he wished for more. Wooyoung’s touchy affections that came in the form of sloppy kisses on the cheek and teasing bites to the neck and shoulder. Then came San. Wooyoung stealing away from him. Hands finding San’s instead, hugs and cuddles going to the other man as Yeosang fell further and further away without even trying to pull Wooyoung back. He watched him go without putting up a fight.

What did he do then? The only thing he thought was logical: seek out the member he has the most in common with, the one who seems to understand him better than anyone, one of the view who understands and appreciates his need for quiet moments of peace.

Hongjoong.

Late nights in the studios, backs hunched and aching as they bent over a computer and Hongjoong showed him the steps to his artistic process. Compliments shared in amazement and wonder because Yeosang could not fathom how incredible Kim Hongjoong could be, yet still the older managed to exceed any expectations like it was the easiest thing on earth. The pride that would swell in Yeosang’s chest when Hongjoong congratulated him on a job well done, when he would mention the younger on his lives, the excitement in his hyung’s eyes whenever Yeosang would pop his head into the studio late at night. Hongjoong clasping a hand over Yeosang’s own shaky ones as he practiced for a cover. Whispered praises and reassurances when Yeosang would miss a note or slip up. Slow patience that waited for him without fail. Yeosang hates that he was foolish enough to let those feelings of admiration morph into the desire to be close to Hongjoong all the time, to cling to him, kiss him, have him for himself. 

And he especially hates that he was never able to bury those dwindling emotions of love and affection he felt towards Wooyoung, because now? Now it’s like he is living a nightmare. Watching the two people he has feelings for come together in a relationship that holds some of the greatest moments of intimacy. And sure, yes, Yeosang acknowledges that it could be something purely physical for them, but that doesn’t negate the fact that the two people he has feelings for are fucking and have been fucking right under his nose for the last several weeks. He wishes he could be heartbroken or something along those lines because that would be a normal reaction. That would be typical and explainable and easier to manage than the sensation in Yeosang’s gut. In that moment, he gets some clarity that it is, in fact, not jealousy of either party. It’s a desire to be involved, a want to be there with them, and a need to be involved. Did he mistake it for jealousy? Every time he saw one running to the other, he thought it was merely envy that twisted his gut, but now… now Yeosang is coming to realize that it wasn’t envy or anything like that. He just wanted to be another piece in their puzzle because those two are the ones he’s closest to (and effectively has all too real feelings for), and it pains him so much that his eyes burn. 

There are tears on his cheeks now surely, but his body has entered an odd state of numbness that he can’t piece together and cannot bother to piece together either. He doesn’t think twice before pushing himself back up to his feet, hands shaky and unstable as he moves for the dresser and pulls out a fresh set of clothes, dead set on taking the bathroom and washing his feelings away in the shower. What Yeosang doesn’t account for, however, is someone being in the hall at the same time he is, and he runs face-first into a chest.

“Yeosang?”

Fuck, and it just has to be Yunho of all people too. The one who probably won’t let Yeosang get by without drawing all his worries out of him and making sure he’s alright. And no, he’s not alright, and he doesn’t really want to be right now, but Yunho doesn’t need to know that. So Yeosang shrugs off the hands that find a home on his arms and tries to step around Yunho to get to the bathroom that is so so close yet so far away because of the wall standing before him.

“Are you alright? What happened? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, leave it alone, Yun,” Yeosang mutters through his teeth. But apparently, he can’t have a moment’s peace because Seonghwa must have heard the litany of questions and gotten concerned as well, his voice coming up behind Yeosang like a cruel shadow.

“Yeosang? Is something wrong?”

Yeosang doesn’t turn around but he doesn’t need to because Seonghwa closes the distance between them and steals a glance around his shoulder nonetheless. Yunho seems to be in the dark still in the very least, but Seonghwa will most certainly be able to figure out the source of his tears.

“Yeo… this — how bad is it? This is why I wanted you two to settle it then and there!”‌ Seonghwa exhales. His brows draw together to form a tight line that pains Yeosang to look at.

“Settle what?” Yunho inquires, blinking between both men, and his grip on Yeosang’s arms finally relents in that moment of shock. Yeosang takes the moment of freedom like a lifeline and pushes past Yunho to dart into the bathroom without further ado. Neither man behind him can catch him before he snaps the door shut in their faces, twisting the lock and trapping himself in the small room.

“Yeosang!” Seonghwa calls through the door, and he brings his fist down on the wood as though it will do any good.

“Maybe we should give him some space, hyung…” Yunho’s voice fades into the static running through Yeosang’s mind, and he no longer processes their conversation as he cranks the handle of the shower to let the water heat up. The pain in his chest also dulls, but only when he lets hot water run over his bare back, forehead pressed to the tiled wall. 

Things are catching up to him now. Reality is seeping in and he is realizing all the things that have been happening behind their backs for the past several weeks. He blames his own imagination for the flashes that come through his mind as he tries to wash the feelings away. Wooyoung pressed under Hongjoong’s weight, fervent touches and lingering kisses. The same hands that held Yeosang’s dragging over the contours of muscles and skin, filling in the gaps that Yeosang wishes he could have filled. Or perhaps Wooyoung would curl himself into Hongjoong’s lap and hold the leader as close as possible as he so dearly loves to do with the others. 

Perhaps it is more intimate and special with the two of them, however, and maybe Hongjoong fucks up into Wooyoung like that, holds him close while he works in the studio, and maybe that’s what they do when Yeosang is turned away. He bets that Hongjoong praises Wooyoung too as he loves to give all the members a litany of praises whenever they do something well, and Yeosang’s desires turns ugly when he thinks of Wooyoung being praised for being good for Hongjoong, nice and pliant and perfect for him, and fuck Yeosang wants to be part of it so badly it hurts. He wants Wooyoung to stand off to the side and watch, wants his own best friend to see him fall apart under Hongjoong’s touch. Wooyoung is such a brat that he probably acts that way in bed as well, and Yeosang feels nearly light-headed as he imagines himself being the one to receive Hongjoong’s attention and subsequently Wooyoung’s as well like he would be some example for Wooyoung to follow on how to be good. 

Yeosang doesn’t feel disgusted by the thoughts but rather the way his own body responds to the images floating through his mind, the way his member reacts to it, and the temptation to reach down and stroke himself to completion is intoxicating. He cranks the water instead so that it’s nearly icy on his skin to keep his mind from wandering too much into the inappropriate territory even though it’s already there.

The cold is barely enough to stave off Yeosang’s churning gut because the sound of that quiet moan and Wooyoung’s delicate giggle are in his ears again even as he steps out of the shower and wipes the droplets away with a towel. It persists even when he leaves the bathroom, darting into the hall to make a break for his room in case anyone was outside waiting for him, but thankfully this time he has the hallway to himself and can make it to his shared room with Wooyoung without much issue. Yeosang only says ‘much’ because just before he opens the door, a noise carries down the hall and to his ears. One that is unmistakable but most likely only audible to someone like Yeosang who is standing in the hallway. 

Another moan. This one is much more high-pitched and strung out than the last, bordering on the territory of a squeal, and based on the all too loud thud that follows, Yeosang can picture what’s going on with too much clarity.

“Hyung!” Yeosang’s heart surges forward in his chest, and he whips around like someone else has spoken the word, but it’s very clearly Wooyoung’s tone. Nonetheless, Yeosang shoves himself into his bedroom and snaps the door shut behind him as quickly as possible, flipping the lock for good measure because his cock is too hard to be ignored now. Part of him wishes he had more willpower to avoid this, and yet he’s too weak in the end. 

Less than five minutes later, Yeosang finds himself curled under the sheets of his bunk, eyes blown wide open and staring at the ceiling above his head as he drags the flat of his hand over his cock. The friction is delectable at best but still not enough to satiate the arousal blooming in his gut. Arousal that only deepens when his mind recreates the images from earlier. This time he’s with them, imagining himself sitting off to the side as Hongjoong works on‌ Wooyoung’s body.

“Sit still and watch me punish him.”

Curse his imagination for being so potent that he can practically hear Hongjoong’s words on his ears.

“Touch yourself for us, Sangie, you know you want to,” Wooyoung would purr, still giggling even though he’s in trouble and about to be punished. 

Yeosang presses his palm down harder against his cock. He won’t last more than two minutes like this; he’ll probably come like a teenager in less than that if he jerks himself with too much haste. So he forms a tight ring around the base of his cock and squeezes just hard enough to stave off the heady sensation in his veins. He debates going down to grab the small bottle of lube from Wooyoung’s end table. That’s too much effort right now, he needs his release soon, and he frankly doesn’t have enough patience in his body at the moment to finger himself open.

“You’ll be good and come when Wooyoung does, won’t you, Sangie?”

He wants to so badly. He knows he would be so good under Hongjoong’s control, he would take anything given to him because he wants that so badly, he wants someone to take the control from his hands and be at their mercy. He wouldn’t fight it or talk back, he would be so good it hurts, and a weak mewl tumbles from his lips before he can stop it. 

Yeosang flings his free hand up to cover his mouth as though someone is going to hear the quiet noises, and when he presses the butt of his hand down again, more whimpers fall out. He can’t stop the noises nor does he try to any longer. The desire for a release is too overwhelming, mixed voices touching his imagination and seeming too real for Yeosang to handle as he ruts helplessly against his palm for that delicious bit of friction. And when he comes, he comes hard and fast, eyes rolling back in pleasure as his hips continue to cant up into his hand. He moans out Hongjoong’s name as he comes and doesn’t stop to think about quieting the noise this time in his fog of pleasure. Come spills over his palm only to be smeared over his skin when he can’t stop the movements of his hips. If he thought that would end the vision in his head, he was quite wrong, because after the haze covering his thoughts disperses a bit, it comes rushing back.

“I thought you said you’d be good for us, Sangie. You came before me.”

“I told you to come with Wooyoung, baby. Why couldn’t you do that simple task?”

“You always say that you’re going to be good for us, Sangie. Yet you can’t even seem to live up to those words.”

The tears that hit Yeosang’s cheeks next are ones that come from pure overstimulation and eustasy. Heat swarms his skin, a pretty pink blush that causes his whole body to flush, and his hips just don’t stop moving even as his mind cries out for a release from the self-inflicted torture.

“Pl-Please, Woo,” Yeosang whimpers to the air above him. “I’ll — I’ll be good. I’ll be so good, p-please.” It is all too much for him to handle right then because the next thing he knows, he is coming yet again, but it’s a painfully dry orgasm since he didn’t give himself any recovery time. He releases a choked sob that breaks into a strangled moan instead, then his hips finally rest and give his poor leaking member a break. The only thing that can leave his lips for several minutes is a series of gasps and pants, chest heaving desperately as he tries to catch his breath.

When he finally recovers, Yeosang pulls himself down from the bunk and strips once more now that he’s gotten the fresh set of clothes dirty and soiled. It’s as he is pulling a shirt over his head that the door handle jiggles to no avail.

“Sangie? Did you lock the door?”

Fuck. Wooyoung. He won’t have any knowledge of what Yeosang has just done, or that Yeosang knows what he was just doing himself, but the red hot shame burning in Yeosang’s gut. He just jerked off to the thought of his best friend and his hyung including him in their personal business. Yeosang doesn’t even know if either of them would be okay with such a thing, and yet —

“Yeosang? Are you in there or not?”

“S-Shit,” Yeosang exhales to himself, tugging his shirt the rest of the way and rushing to get to the door. He flips the lock and swings the door wide open to greet Wooyoung with wide eyes and mussed hair. Wooyoung’s hair is damp and clinging to his forehead; he looks fresh out of a shower, and Yeosang has no doubt that he and Hongjoong showered together after their… activities. “Yeah, sorry, S-Seonghwa-hyung wouldn’t get the hint that I didn’t wanna talk to him right now.” It’s only a partial lie, enough to cover what Yeosang was actually up to, and Wooyoung seems to buy it by the way he shrugs his shoulders quickly and brushes past Yeosang to get in the room. He doesn’t stay long, however, coming in simply to fetch his phone before darting back out of the room. Yeosang wants to ask where he is going, but at the same time, he can probably guess that it has something to do with San or Hongjoong again.

Yeosang doesn’t stay to watch him go. Instead, he dips back into their shared bedroom and shuts the door, intent to sleep through the rest of the day and push these lingering thoughts out of his mind. It’s only when Wooyoung returns hours later whining to himself about how San never lets him win a game that Yeosang dares to speak. He waits until his friend curls up in bed and gets comfortable, throat lodged with emotion.

“I…”

Wooyoung doesn’t offer even a noise of acknowledgment. Maybe he’s already fallen asleep. Perhaps Yeosang shouldn’t say anything or he should say this for another time, but right now he just wants to see. Test the waters. Gauge his reaction.

“I know about you and Hongjoong-hyung, Woo.” Curse him for stuttering when he did, and curse him for not having the balls to say it outright. How hard should it be for you to say to your best friend “I know you’re fucking our group leader under everyone’s noses”? Saying something cryptic like “I know what you’re doing with hyung” sounded too scary in Yeosang’s mind, but maybe he could have had a better approach. Especially since the bunk under his creaks and the sheets jostle, then a Wooyoung-shaped shadow darts across the room. The door swings open, Wooyoung slips out, then it slams shut, causing way too much noise for the hour.

Yeosang isn’t sure what he was expecting. He knows Wooyoung avoids confrontation. This should have been expected, yet as Yeosang curls onto his side and faces the wall, the tears that slip out his eyes are more painful than before, and he thinks vaguely in the back of his mind that Wooyoung doesn’t want him to have anything to do with the relationship he shares with Hongjoong.

Morning is awkward and stilted. Wooyoung most definitely went to Hongjoong’s room and told him what Yeosang said; Yeosang can see it in the way Hongjoong’s gaze slips between both boys throughout breakfast. He is a bit thankful that Hongjoong doesn’t look towards him with the same amount of fear and shame as Wooyoung did earlier, and there is no disgust or embarrassment in his stare either — only concern. Seonghwa is still worried about Yeosang’s crying in the hallway yesterday, as is Yunho because the dancer got Yeosang coffee and a plate of food, staying by his side all throughout breakfast with a hand placed over Yeosang’s thigh the entire time. The tension is palpable, and there’s no doubt that everyone knows something is wrong in some way.

Seonghwa keeps sending Hongjoong looks across the table, even as San and Yunho try to bring some energy back to the table and dispel the awkwardness. Those glances are probably the thing that prompt the leader to speak. And so, Hongjoong is the one to breach the subject, but he does it in a way that Yeosang could never have expected, and based on the way Seonghwa chokes on his syrupy coffee, the older had no clue this was Hongjoong’s plan either.

“Some of you have noticed that Wooyoung and I are spending a lot more time together these days.” Yeosang dares to look over at his friend, but the man is staring down at the table with cheeks so red and flushed that he’s nearly purple. “It’s because we’re fucking.”

There goes Seonghwa choking on his coffee, Mingi gags around a mouthful of rice, Yunho’s hand squeezes painfully on Yeosang’s thigh, San bites back a laugh and cheeky smile, and Jongho drops his spoon on the edge of the table in shock. Another clatter follows as the same spoon hits the ground, but Jongho doesn’t even move to pick it up and instead stares directly at Hongjoong like the leader like he’s just kicked a dog or something.

“Does anyone have a problem with that?”

Hongjoong’s gaze finds Yeosang immediately. Oh, so the question is targeted at him. Yet even as everyone else at the table denies there being any issue with such a thing, Yeosang can’t bring himself to shake his head or deny it. It’s not that he does have a legitimate issue with it, he merely wishes to slot himself in their space and be part of it. He can’t very well admit that over breakfast with the rest of the group though, especially not with how Wooyoung reacted last night. Hongjoong doesn’t wait for a response.

“Just because we have this relationship now doesn’t mean any of the group dynamics should or have to change. We are by no means exclusive or closed off to just each other. Understood?”

A chorus of affirmations greet Hongjoong, and Yeosang actually joins in this time despite the clench of his heart.

If Hongjoong expected the conversation to fix everything on a whim, then he would be sorely incorrect.

Wooyoung continues to avoid Yeosang. He won’t come into the room at the same time as Yeosang, only comes to sleep if San or Hongjoong kicks him out of their rooms, and is always either sleeping or gone by the time Yeosang gets up. Despite Yeosang constantly looking over at his friend, Wooyoung almost never looks back, and when he does, his expression twinges with something Yeosang would almost call guilt. He tries not to think about that bit too hard or too much.

Hongjoong, on the other hand, actually makes an effort to do things differently. He invites Yeosang to the studio much more often, asks him to accompany him as he picks up food for the rest of the group at least two times a week, and Yeosang finds himself frequenting Hongjoong’s room to work on producing practice a lot more as well.

Yeosang can’t complain because it’s what he wanted and missed so dearly, and he should be content that at least one of his crushes is giving him such devoted attention, but he is loathe to admit that part of his heart is dedicated to Wooyoung and Wooyoung only. That part is shattered in a thousand pieces every time Wooyoung sees him and turns to go in the opposite direction. He doesn’t last longer than a week with Wooyoung’s behavior, and the breaking point is a Saturday evening when Yeosang steps out of his room to see Wooyoung leaving Hongjoong’s with an unreadable expression. Hongjoong steps into the doorway right after, hand chasing Wooyoung’s and catching hold of it before the younger can dip out of his reach.

And now, Yeosang suddenly feels like he’s watching something that he shouldn’t be because Hongjoong places his free hand on Wooyoung’s cheek and leans his forehead against the other man’s, lips moving quickly and quietly as they speak to each other. Wooyoung nods several times before stepping back and turning around. His body tenses a bit as he sees Yeosang standing at the other end of the hall. They regard each other with equally wide eyes and lingering stares for several seconds before Hongjoong prompts Wooyoung to move by slapping the flat of his hand down hard on his ass. Wooyoung releases a startled yelp, cheeks flushing a dark red before he rushes to San and Yunho’s door and enters without even bothering to knock.

Hongjoong finally looks at Yeosang. The younger can’t describe the feeling that swoops through his gut, but Hongjoong is smirking at him and making him feel like that infinite space between their bodies is nonexistent. It’s like the man is standing right before him and cascading warm breath over his lips and neck, then he tilts his head to the side and motions towards his bedroom.

“Did you still wanna get some work done?”

Yeosang responds with a quick nod and dips back into his own room to snatch his phone up off the dresser before fully stepping into the hall to meet Hongjoong by his door.

“No laptop?” The older regards him with a curious stare even as Yeosang shakes his head a bit.

“Just wanna watch you work some, I think. If that’s okay?”

Hongjoong’s lips twist into a gentle smile, and warmth fills his gut.

“Of course, Yeo, come on.”

Yeosang half-expects the room to reek of sex and debauchery, or for the bed to be a wreck, but that’s not the case. Everything is almost too perfect by Hongjoong’s standards, like Seonghwa came through and raided the room before Yeosang stepped in. In fact, he’s almost certain that Hongjoong went the extra mile to change the sheets, but he doesn’t comment on it even as Hongjoong settles down in the bed and pats the empty space next to him. Yeosang climbs up beside him, heart in his throat and threatening to choke him out.

“I think I’ll be able to finish this one either today or tomorrow so I can submit it for the next album,” Hongjoong mutters. Yeosang watches with wide and careful eyes as he tugs his laptop into his lap, pulling the music file up to pick up where he left off. Yeosang is frankly not paying any attention to what’s happening on Hongjoong’s screen. He’s too busy looking at the man’s side profile, the way his brows draw together in concentration. Hoodie drawn over his head with headphones pressed over one ear and the other pressed further back on his hood.

“Hyung…” Yeosang trails off, unsure of how to voice what it is he’s after, and Hongjoong’s lingering stare only makes him more nervous. But then, the older shifts in the bed and presses his back further against his pillows. He lays his laptop to the side, for the time being, throwing his legs out, and Yeosang inhales sharply at the way Hongjoong motions to the space between them. Is he asking Yeosang to —

“Do you wanna lie down?”

Oh. Of course. Why would he think Hongjoong wanted something else when he and Wooyoung have each other for that? Still, Yeosang slips between Hongjoong’s legs and presses his head to the man’s stomach like it’s glass. Once he’s fully situated and comfortable, Hongjoong pulls his laptop back, placing it atop Yeosang’s stomach without missing a beat. The angle is a bit awkward on his neck, but Yeosang doesn’t complain because he gets to be this close to Hongjoong and in his arms like this. It’s practically intoxicating, and Yeosang almost feels light-headed by the time Hongjoong shifts their position to tug Yeosang further up on his chest, letting the younger drop his head into the crook of his shoulder.

Hongjoong doesn’t speak; he merely lets Yeosang rest against him like that with the familiar beat of his track playing faintly through his headset, and Yeosang watches on with less interest than usual as he drags things across the screen and into place. Then, after some unknown amount of time, Hongjoong decides to pipe up.

“When I talked to the group last week about Wooyoung and me, you were the only one not to say you were okay with the arrangement.” He murmurs the words softly, and Yeosang nearly doesn’t pick up on them at all. The moment they process though, he stiffens in Hongjoong’s hold. Although the man isn’t holding him there against his will, Yeosang feels somehow trapped and unable to escape.

“W-Wooyoung — he ran away from me.” Maybe that’s an exaggeration but the man did straight up bolt out of the room when Yeosang brought it up.

“He’s afraid that you hate him.”

That has Yeosang pulling himself forward, knocking Hongjoong’s hands away from where his laptop sits in Yeosang’s lap. Yeosang has enough decency to snap the laptop shut and push it to the foot of the bed before shifting to face Hongjoong. The look in the leader’s eyes is unreadable when they finally look at each other.

“Why would I hate him?”

Hongjoong merely lifts a brow in response. He seems to weigh his next words on his tongue and teases the corner of his lips a few times before deciding to speak.

“Do you not?”

“Of course not,” Yeosang mumbles. “I don’t hate either of you.” He dares to look towards Hongjoong once more, eyes finding the leader’s and searching for any sort of reaction but there isn’t much there. 

“Then why didn’t you come talk to me as well?”

“I figured…” Yeosang doesn’t really have a response for that. He was cowardly more than anything else and afraid of what sort of conversation they might end up having. “I thought you would want the conversation at breakfast to be the last of it.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to bring it up for the past week.”

“What?” Yeosang didn’t even have the slightest clue that Hongjoong was wanting to talk about it. Since everything fell back into their usual routine, he simply assumed that meant everything was fine.

“When you told Wooyoung that you knew about us, what were you referring to?”

Yeosang’s cheeks heat up a bit, and he has to drop his gaze to the bed.

“I heard the two of you… I heard — y-yeah.”

“Heard what?” Hongjoong presses again, and this time Yeosang releases an exasperated sigh.

“Christ, hyung, do I need to spell it out? I heard you both moaning a-and it didn’t take much to realize what you were doing!” That pulls a loud laugh from Hongjoong’s lips, and he throws his head back with the sound.

“That’s not what he thought you heard, Yeosang,” Hongjoong says through the laugh. Yeosang swallows hard in response, sitting back a bit more and straightening his back. “He thought you heard what came after that, which is why he’s been so avoidant with you.”

“What came after?” Yeosang echoes, instinctually gripping the sheets in his fists. Hongjoong’s lips stretch a bit further into a smile.  

“He also didn’t hear the noises coming from your room after because he was in the shower.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yeosang is so fucked. Hongjoong heard that? What all did he hear? Yeosang remembers moaning Hongjoong’s name a bit too loudly, but he also said Wooyoung’s name, so which did he hear? Or did he hear both? How could he not say anything about it for an entire week?

“But frankly, I didn’t hear it either since I was with Wooyoung in the shower.”

Yeosang can hardly breathe at this point, eyes stuck and fixated on some point on the mattress, and that’s not what Hongjoong wants apparently because a single finger curls under the base of his chin. Hongjoong lifts his head until they can look each other in the eye again.

“Seonghwa told me that you had been crying before taking a shower yourself. Then after you came out, he went to check on you but your door was locked, and… he heard you inside moaning my name.”

“I-I can ex-explain. It’s not — it’s not what it looks like and I—”

“And Wooyoung’s.”

“Hyung, I…” Yeosang is fumbling to figure out what he can say to get himself out of this situation. This is probably the worst thing that can happen right now, and if Hongjoong knows, then Wooyoung most likely knows too and maybe that’s the real reason behind his avoidance these days. Maybe he’s so disgusted by what Yeosang did that he doesn’t want to even look at him again. But the look in his eyes has never been disgust — only some odd mixture between guilt and sadness. 

“I didn’t tell Wooyoung that part honestly. I figured… he wouldn’t take my word for it. So I think it would be better to show him, don’t you?”

“Show him what?” Yeosang exhales. Hongjoong presses forward so far that his breath ghosts over the younger’s lips, and Yeosang chokes on thin air.

“That you want him just as much as he wants you.”

“He… he wants me?” The disbelief is palpable, but Hongjoong is patient as always, releasing a small hum and shifting behind Yeosang to grab hold of his laptop and headphones again. 

“The thing he thought you heard that day — I enjoy riling him up maybe a bit too much, and I kept teasing him with the thought of someone walking in and catching us. The only person he wanted to interrupt was you, and he kept saying your name over and over like a prayer, so loud that he thought you heard him. And thus your reaction… or rather your confrontation scared him and made him think that you were disgusted by it.”

Yeosang feels like he’s been thrust underwater, ears ringing and head clogged with a myriad of thoughts that refuse to make any sense whatsoever. He understands the basic gist of what’s going on in the very least. Hongjoong knows he jerked off to the thought of him and Wooyoung, Wooyoung wants him to some degree, and Hongjoong is pressing closer and closer now that he has slid his laptop off the bed and tucked it under the bunk. And while Yeosang certainly doesn’t want him to stop, there is the nagging thought in the back of his mind that while Hongjoong said that Wooyoung wants him to some degree, Hongjoong never said whether he wants Yeosang in the same way or not.

“B-But what — what about you?” He whispers, too scared to raise his voice any further than that. Hongjoong hums as he leans a bit closer, and Yeosang falls back onto his elbows. “Do y-you want me too?”

“I certainly wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t,” Hongjoong says in response. He pauses in his push forward, giving Yeosang precious time to think and breathe easy for a few minutes. “But I won’t do anything that you don’t want to do, and I won’t push you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. Meaning that… if you want this but are uncomfortable with the idea of having an audience, we don’t have to have one.”

Audience? 

When the realization sinks in, Yeosang draws his hands up to cover his face and hide the rampant blush that takes over his cheeks. Hongjoong is quick to respond, hands coming up to join Yeosang’s and gently clasp around his wrists.

“It’s okay, Sangie, baby, you don’t need to hide.”

Baby. Kim Hongjoong is positively trying to kill him on the spot. 

“You’re so pretty, so so pretty especially when you blush like that,” Hongjoong continues. His voice comes out in a soft murmur, coating Yeosang’s ears like honey and dripping down to his gut where the threads of arousal begin to coil. 

“Hyung,” Yeosang exhales in a tone so breathy and whiny that it nearly doesn’t come out at all. 

“I need a firm yes or no on whether you want this before anything else, Yeosang.” Hongjoong begins to pull away, and that is the breaking point for Yeosang’s sanity practically because he lurches forward and snatches Hongjoong by the collar of his hoodie, wrenching him back down to hover mere centimeters over Yeosang’s lips.

“Yes, hyung, the answer is yes, please, for the love of all that is good in this world, please just—” 

Thank god Hongjoong cuts him off or else he would have just kept on babbling for an eternity. Yeosang falls quiet with a startled gasp as Hongjoong plants his lips atop the younger’s, and the arm that holds him up buckles under the sudden weight on his body. The both of them tumble down to the mattress at an awkward angle, Yeosang’s arm trapped behind his back and Hongjoong’s foot tangled in the sheets, but neither of them pay much attention to those issues. The priority seems to be each other’s lips, not that Yeosang is complaining about the way Hongjoong rushes to swipe his tongue over Yeosang’s lower lip. He grants entrance to his mouth with perhaps too much ease. The moment Hongjoong’s tongue breaches his lips and begins to explore his mouth, Yeosang chokes out a wanton moan that reverberates through the older’s mouth and pools heat in his gut. 

It’s only then that Yeosang decides to resituate their position some, and he kicks at the sheets to unravel them from Hongjoong’s feet before pressing up harder against the leader’s body. Hongjoong seems to get the hint and leans back as well, letting Yeosang have a few precious moments of control as he eases Hongjoong back onto the pillows and straddles his hips like this is what he was made to do. Yeosang is already panting and out of breath, cheeks alight with embarrassment still, but he looks an absolute vision in Hongjoong’s eyes with blond hair enveloping his forehead like a halo and lips glistening with spit. He finds a shred of sense left in him to ask one more question before he lets Yeosang dive back in for more.

“Do you want Wooyoung to watch?”

And this admittedly is not a fantasy Yeosang ever pictured or imagined. He figured he would be the one doing the watching, he would sit on the sidelines while the two fawned over each other and fucked, but this? This is something tantalizing indeed, and Yeosang would be damned if he didn’t take this golden opportunity now. Especially with the knowledge that both Hongjoong and Wooyoung have thought about him in the throes of passion.

“Is that what you thought of when you were jerking off, Sangie?” 

Yeosang can only whimper in reply, hands drawing up from where they sit atop Hongjoong’s chest to cover his blazing cheeks again, but Hongjoong is quicker this time. He keeps Yeosang’s hands right where they are by clasping his fingers around the other man’s wrists and watches on with pure admiration as Yeosang writhes a bit atop him.

“Hm? Is it, darling? Does dirty talk make you shy? We don’t have to do that if it makes you too uncomfortable. Give me a safe word as well just in case we need to stop.”

“No! No, no,” Yeosang denies in haste. “I… um, we can u-use red because that’s easy to remember.” Hongjoong offers a hum in approval, and Yeosang has to swallow his nerves before admitting the next bit. “I l-like being embarrassed a bit.”

“Do you, Sangie? Tell me what else you like.” Hongjoong is practically purring the words, and Yeosang thinks it will send him spiraling over the edge. The teasing glint in the older’s eyes is lethal too, turning Yeosang’s insides to mush and his limbs to jello, and he can’t think of anything he wants more right now than for Hongjoong to utterly wreck him on this very bed with Wooyoung watching on. 

“I like — like being good a-and hearing that I’m doing well.” Yeosang slips his hand around Hongjoong’s. He slowly tugs it upwards, guiding the man’s hand to his neck and measuring his reaction the entire time with wary eyes. Hongjoong seems to forget what breathing is for a moment, and when he finally does breathe again, it’s merely a sharp and painful inhale of air because Yeosang is closing Hongjoong’s own fingers around his neck and blinking at him with wide and innocent eyes. “Being choked feels really nice too. And I want Wooyoung to watch… to watch you ruin me.”

Hongjoong’s fingers twitch around his neck, and Yeosang knows that his words have a visceral effect on the man just by that reaction. He also feels the way Hongjoong’s cock twitches in the confines of his pants, right against the curve of Yeosang’s ass, and that brings a swell of pride to his chest.

“Do you want to ruin me, hyung?” He asks, batting his lashes for good measure, and fuck, it’s so worth it. It’s so worth it because Hongjoong growls in response and pushes Yeosang down so that he’s flat on the bed once more. 

“Fucking hell, Yeo, how can you be so — holy fuck, you’re so perfect.” Hongjoong maps a path from the tip of Yeosang’s nose down to the collar of his shirt with his lips, leaving a wet trail behind, and once he reaches the space hidden behind Yeosang’s shirt, he uses two fingers to tug the material down just enough to expose more of the milky skin underneath. Yeosang doesn’t have time to ask what he’s doing despite the confusion rushing through him because Hongjoong latches his lips around the spot, teeth nipping at the skin until red blooms under his touch. And god does it feel euphoric to be marked by Kim Hongjoong, to be claimed by him and wanted by him, and Yeosang is certain that all reason will leave his body before Wooyoung even gets involved. 

Hongjoong chooses that opportune moment to pull back. First, he admires the way Yeosang’s chest heaves, the way sweat beads his brow and causes his hair to cling to the skin there, and the way Yeosang already somehow looks so fucked out and beautiful that it’s unimaginable. He weaves his hands down the expanse of Yeosang’s chest to catch hold of the hem. Ever so slowly, Hongjoong tugs upwards, and it’s so painstakingly prolonged that Yeosang loses his patience before the shirt even reaches his sternum. He yanks the fabric from Hongjoong’s grasp and pulls it up over his head on his own, throwing it off to the side haphazardly without even bothering to check where it falls. He knows how to play Hongjoong so well, just what he needs to do to get under the man’s skin, and he does it with such ease that it’s laughable. Because the second Yeosang leans back to the bed and flutters his lashes up at Hongjoong, the leader is hissing through his teeth so loudly that the air comes out in a whistle. 

Then he grips his hoodie but the hem and tugs it over his head, but he leaves the plain undershirt underneath on for the time being as he twists around and catches hold of his phone. Yeosang’s arousal deepens as he watches Hongjoong tap furiously at the screen. Then he has an idea that is probably far too risky but also far too alluring to pass up on.

“H-Hyung, could you…” Yeosang loses the confidence to finish the question, hand stretched midway to Hongjoong’s. Still, Hongjoong pauses and looks directly at him. His dark eyes are glazed with lust and arousal, and they bear such a seriousness to them that Yeosang has to swallow around nothing to get his next words out. “Send him a picture,” he tries again, pushing more willpower in this time. “With your hand around my neck.”

“You’re unreal.” Hongjoong’s tone bears a quake this time, audible proof that Yeosang is having such an effect on the man, and the younger revels in it as he tugs Hongjoong’s hand down to the column of his throat. 

That’s all the incentive Hongjoong needs to bend over the other, and his hand squeezes a little bit around his throat. Yeosang’s cock twitches between his legs, right where his hyung’s crotch rubs atop his, and the sensation is so heady and thrilling that Yeosang dares to rut against Hongjoong again. He pushes his tongue out just a little bit, catches the tip between his teeth, then shows off the somehow innocent for the camera when Hongjoong angles it above his face. 

“For fuck’s sake, Yeo, I’m not gonna be able to wait for Wooyoung to drag his ass in here if you keep that up.” Hongjoong snaps the picture as quick as he can before tossing his phone off to the side in a huff.

“Keep what up?” Yeosang asks before sinking his teeth into his lower lip. The pair spend about two seconds staring at each other, Yeosang with a playful gleam to his gaze and Hongjoong with a more looming and dangerous one that has Yeosang’s stomach doing small backflips in anticipation. They’re interrupted by the sharp slam of a door somewhere in the dorm, and that’s followed by a skid and another smack of what sounds like a body on the wall. Another three seconds pass before the door to Hongjoong’s bedroom swings wide open, hitting the wall so hard that Seonghwa yells down the hall about disregard for common decency. 

“Can you at least pretend to be civilized, Wooyoung? You don’t need to act like an animal just because you’re about to get boned! And keep it quiet this time!”

The newcomer comes in a blur of dark hair and tossed garments, and Wooyoung doesn’t even wait for the door to be closed completely before he’s stripping down to his underwear.

“I’m here! I’m here, hi, fuck, oh my god, I’m here. Why didn’t you get me sooner, hyung?” Wooyoung hisses as he shuts the door in a rush, flipping the lock before stepping further into the room. 

“I didn’t tell him he’d just be watching,” Hongjoong whispers into the shell of Yeosang’s ear. It draws a blush out of the younger man, one that persists as he and Wooyoung make eye contact. Hongjoong drags the flat of his tongue across Yeosang’s cheek and presses a sweet row of kisses to the same line of skin a moment after. “Why don’t you break the news, darling?” 

“Break the news? The fuck, hyung? Did you invite me just to kick me out?” Wooyoung protests.

“I told you to trust me, you brat,” Hongjoong counters, passing a half-hearted glare towards the younger with a small sigh. “You’re here to watch the show.”

“Well, I’ll do that fucking gladly,” Wooyoung huffs. He makes for the bed, moving to join Hongjoong on top of the mattress, but Hongjoong slings his legs over Yeosang’s body and steps onto the floor to block Wooyoung’s way instead. Yeosang scrambles to push himself up onto his elbows. With wide eyes, he glances between the pair, swallowing around nothing when Wooyoung rakes his eyes over Yeosang’s bare chest leading down to the bulge in his sweats. Hongjoong places a hand over Wooyoung’s chest, and slowly but surely, the leader backs him up until he stumbles back into Seonghwa’s desk chair. “Hyung?”

“I said you get to watch. Not touch.”

“What? Hyung, you can’t seriously—”

“Per Yeosang’s request. Can’t you do it for him, my baby?” 

Wooyoung sucks his lower lip between his teeth and inhales sharply at the small pet name. Yeosang watches on with wide and curious eyes, from the way Hongjoong drags his hands over Wooyoung’s tan skin to the way Wooyoung’s hips tremble in an attempt to stay on the chair.

“Good boy,” Hongjoong hums when the younger doesn’t budge after a few moments. He slips back to the bed, still smiling from ear to ear as he moves, and he greets Yeosang with a wet and sloppy kiss. It’s a mess of teeth and spit, something inherently dirty in the best way possible, and Yeosang can’t hold back the light groan that rumbles through his throat when Hongjoong brings a hand down to palm at his erection. “You still want me to ruin you, darling?”

“Always,” Yeosang exhales against his lips. At that, Hongjoong leaves him with one more chaste kiss then dips lower, not wasting any more time before pulling something out from under his mattress. Yeosang’s body tenses in anticipation at the sight of it, and even more so when Hongjoong curls his fingers around the band of his sweats.

“Be as loud as you wish. Wooyoung is such a sucker for pretty moans,” Hongjoong teases, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

“Hyung!” Wooyoung protests in an instant, and he nearly bolts up from his chair. Hongjoong levels him with a glare though, the power dynamic slipping through and baring itself to Yeosang’s eyes, and it would taste a lie if he said he doesn’t want Hongjoong to dominate him in such a way as well. 

“Today is all about Yeo, but I’ll be kind enough to let you touch yourself too. But you can only come after he does.”

Wooyoung doesn’t voice his protests, but Yeosang can see the disapproval in his eyes. There is no opportunity to dwell on it for long because cold air suddenly hits his crotch and he feels his cock spring loose without warning. He draws his legs together to hide himself, a sudden bashfulness taking over him within seconds. Hongjoong drops his clothing off to the side, and it hits the floor with a soft thud before Hongjoong is back between his legs and easing his knees apart. 

“Don’t hide yourself, darling,” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of Yeosang’s knee. “You’re so beautiful for us—” another kiss, this time higher on the inside of his thigh “—so precious and perfect. Next time I’ll let Wooyoung worship every inch of you, I promise.”

Next time. That insinuation has Yeosang preening, hips canting upwards towards Hongjoong’s body, and the older man stills him with a deftly placed palm on his cock.

“A-Ah, hyung,” Yeosang chokes out. The pressure increases a bit, drawing another louder moan from Yeosang’s lips. Hongjoong takes the opportunity to spread his legs once more, although this time he makes sure to press them wider than before, and Yeosang has never felt more exposed in his life. Hongjoong is still kissing a path up his bare leg when he reaches for the bottle of lube. The click of the cap sends a jolt through his nervous system, cock twitching weakly on the vee of his hip. 

“Hm, are you that excited, baby? You’re doing so well already. Wooyoung always complains about how slow I am when we do this.” Yeosang can do nothing but blink down at where Hongjoong is perched between his legs. Wide eyes meet his and maintain a steady sense of eye contact even as he pours some lube onto his fingers. “Am I going too slow for you, Yeosang?”

“A… a little bit,” Yeosang admits, shifting his elbows on the mattress. 

“But you’re doing so well for us, darling. Being so good and patient, hm? What more could you want?” Hongjoong trails a finger from the head of Yeosang’s erect cock down to the base. Even the slight touch has Yeosang whimpering in need, and he tries to rut his hips up into the older’s hand, but Hongjoong doesn’t let him. “Don’t worry, darling. I’ll ruin you good and nice, okay?”

“Please,” Yeosang pants. Hongjoong traces down further with his lubed fingers, using his index finger to rub small circles around Yeosang’s hole. With his other hand, he takes hold of Yeosang’s cock, then without warning, he encircles the entirety of his member in the wet heat of his mouth. “Oh m-my god, hyung!” Yeosang throws his head back against the bed. His back arches painfully with the sensation, but Hongjoong doesn’t let up until his nose brushes Yeosang’s crotch. It is vastly impressive but Yeosang is far too engulfed in the feeling of Hongjoong’s mouth around his length to think too much about it. What he does know is that Hongjoong takes him all the way to the back of his throat without gagging in the slightest, and Yeosang wouldn’t call himself small by any means, so if that’s not the hottest thing he’s ever witnessed, he isn’t sure what could top it.

Yeosang squeezes his eyes shut as Hongjoong ravishes his cock, taking in the feeling of the man’s tongue tracing along the underside of his length. Hongjoong certainly sucks dick like it’s his last meal on earth and his only purpose in life. Though the number of blowjobs Yeosang has received are few and far between, he knows this is going to ruin all blowjobs in the future for him unless Wooyoung is the one to give them. Hongjoong keeps circling that index finger around his rim. It’s teasing and prodding, like he’s trying to get Yeosang to cave and beg for it, but Yeosang is too lost in the heat of Hongjoong’s mouth to even think to ask for it. Ironically, it’s Hongjoong who grows impatient as time passes on, and he at last slips one finger past Yeosang’s tight ring and buries the digit two knuckles deep in him.

Yeosang blindly reaches down to grab Hongjoong’s wrist. He desperately tries to push his finger deeper, to prod further and find that elusive spot that feels oh so good, but Hongjoong keeps him from doing so. The leader slips off his cock with a lewd pop, leaving a trail of spit to dangle between his lips and the head of Yeosang’s cock. The effort of having Yeosang so deep for such a long period of time shows on his face: his eyes are a bit puffy and red around the edges, tears glisten in his waterline, and the tip of his nose gleams just a little brighter now. Yeosang could get drunk off the sheer sight of him like this.

“Be patient, darling,” Hongjoong reminds him as he pushes Yeosang’s hand away from his own. “You’re so tight that I wanna spend some extra time prepping you, okay?”

And yes, Yeosang is touched by the gesture in the very least but he’s also quite annoyed because he wants Hongjoong deeper and deeper with each passing second. He only gets part of his wish when Hongjoong descends back on his leaking erection, scooping up the trail of precum and saliva with the flat of his tongue and diving back down on him. Somewhere in the haze of his thoughts, Yeosang thinks that having his dick sucked by Kim Hongjoong is a wholly spiritual experience. 

That point is proved further when Hongjoong pushes a second finger into his hole and gently settles it into his heat without moving for several seconds. Then, he twists his digits to the side and begins to fuck those two fingers in and out of Yeosang’s tight ring as slowly as possible. That has Yeosang’s moan devolving into choked mewls and whimpers, and his thighs tremble under the repetitive double stimulation that never stops even for a second.

Hongjoong has a talent at taking people apart it seems because he does it with Yeosang so easily that the younger is already seeing stars without having come a single time yet. Wooyoung is thoroughly enjoying the scene before him with rapt attention, and for once he actually remains rather quiet as he watches on, aside from the occasional moan and groan. The feeling of Wooyoung’s stare firmly planted on his body, from his face down to where Hongjoong’s face meets his crotch, leaves Yeosang feeling even more light-heated. He’s fairly confident that this with either send him spiraling into unknown territory or he will just straight up pass out after coming once. 

There is no time to worry about those minute details in the coming moments: Hongjoong works a third digit into his hole, and when he does, he pulls off Yeosang’s tortured cock with a lopsided grin. 

“Isn’t he so good and pretty for us, Woo baby?” 

“Y-Yes, hyung,” Wooyoung answers quickly. 

“Are you getting close, angel?” Despite Hongjoong’s stare being directed at Yeosang, the latter is vaguely aware that the question is meant for Wooyoung, but still, he nods a few times for good measure. That draws a laugh from Hongjoong’s chest. The noise resonates in Yeosang’s body, leaving him with a steady thrum of pleasure, and Hongjoong speeds up the pace of his fingers as he pumps them in and out of Yeosang’s hole. “You look so heavenly like this, Yeosang. Panting and mewling as I fuck your hole with just my fingers. You’re so desperate for something bigger, aren’t you?”

Yeosang is losing control over his own inhibitions and slipping into a place he rarely goes. 

“Y-Yes, yes, hyung, I’m — want more. Want more, please, give me more,” he babbles back, too lost to think about piecing full sentences together. Hongjoong is quick to pick up on the shift, especially in the way that Yeosang’s body turns to jello in his touch and becomes fully pliant under him. The leader snakes a hand up Yeosang’s side and finds one of Yeosang’s own hands on the bed. He laces their fingers together, clasping tight at the younger’s hand while offering a sweet and gentle smile. 

“Hyung has you, darling,” he murmurs. “I promise.” It’s the reassurance Yeosang needs to let go, and he lets himself rut down on Hongjoong’s fingers. They find a rhythm like that — with Yeosang’s half-hearted and shaky bounces and Hongjoong’s timely thrusts — and each jab to his prostate has Yeosang crying out for more. He wants to hold off, wants to make it last longer, come while Hongjoong is balls deep inside him, but Hongjoong seems determined to draw at least one orgasm out of him before they go any further. 

And that’s exactly what he does.

Less than three minutes later, Yeosang has his free hand wrapped around his shaft as Hongjoong fucks into his hole with three fingers and a sense of reckless abandon. It’s purely euphoric, and the quick jabs to his prostate are what sends him fully over the edge. Come spills over his hand, coating his knuckles and fingers in the sticky white substance, and Yeosang lets the steady jerks of his arm come to a rest. Hongjoong, however, just continues to pump his fingers in and out of Yeosang’s hole, not waiting for the man to recover before he is back to toying with his prostate. 

“Hyung, t-too much, ah — ah, hyung, I can’t!” It is a delicious bit of overstimulation, and one that leaves Yeosang exhausted and panting for air. Hongjoong stops before it begins to hurt thankfully, slipping his fingers out of the younger before mapping a path with his lips up to Yeosang’s neck.

“Are you with me, darling?” He hums into the crook of his neck. Small love bites enunciate the words, and Hongjoong drags his tongue over each little mark he paints on Yeosang’s skin. 

Yeosang honestly feels like he is floating on a different plane of existence. He doesn’t process any of what Hongjoong said, only the touches and cool sensation of air hitting the path of spit Hongjoong left on his chest. It’s concerning enough to make Hongjoong sit back and look Yeosang directly in the eye.

“Yeosang, baby, are you with me?”

“Hm? Oh, yes, yes, hyung. I’m — I’m here, yes,” Yeosang replies this time as Hongjoong pulls him out of the state of delirium.

“What’s our color, doll?” Rather than responding, Yeosang preens at the name Hongjoong calls him, a lopsided smile covering his lips.

“I like that, hyung. Can you — can you call me that again please?”

“I need your color first, Yeo. Is it too much? Do we need to stop?” Hongjoong cradles the younger’s face in his hands, caressing the soft skin of his cheeks and trying to make the younger look him in the eye. Even the smallest touch sends Yeosang spiraling, like he’s swimming through dark water and can’t figure out what’s going on around him.

“I don’t want to stop. I’m… I’m okay,” Yeosang insists through a nod. “I just need a few minutes to recover a bit. ‘m still green, I promise. I’m too — t-touch is too much right now.” Hongjoong nods and retracts his hands from the visual’s face, and Yeosang instantly inhales a deep breath of air like he’s been starving for it all this time. 

“Have you come yet, Woo baby?” Hongjoong shifts his focus over to the other man in the room, and Yeosang follows his stare over to land on where Wooyoung sits. Said man shakes his head quickly, fingers loosely wrapped around the base of his cock. “Can you last a little while longer?”

“Y-Yeah, of course, hyung.” 

That has Hongjoong smirking again, and the leader slips off the bed to stand up straight.

“Good because I’ve changed my mind,” he hums, stepping closer to where Wooyoung sits. He steps around the back of the chair. Yeosang makes brief eye contact with the man as he lays his hands down on Wooyoung’s shoulders, eyes glinting a bit under the fluorescent lights. “Yeosangie is going to ride your pretty little cock, and I…” Hongjoong curls his fingers around Wooyoung’s jaw and shifts the younger to look at him. He pushes two digits past Wooyoung’s lips, pressing down so hard on his tongue that Yeosang can hear the way Wooyoung gags around him. “I’m gonna fuck your mouth just the way you like. Understood?”

Wooyoung mumbles around Hongjoong’s fingers, taking them deeper into his mouth without complaint, and that seems to be answer enough with the way Wooyoung blinks up at his hyung through his lashes.

“Good boy,” Hongjoong praises before pushing his fingers further down Wooyoung’s throat. “Yeosang, darling, take your time. There’s no rush, okay? Woo could sit here with my hand in his mouth for hours and be satisfied.”

Yeosang spends the next several minutes just observing the scene before him. It’s oddly euphoric to simply stare at them in this state, Wooyoung still seated in that chair and Hongjoong standing behind him with an arm curled around the front of his body. Wooyoung seems to be working his tongue over Hongjoong’s fingers based on the dripping trail of saliva that pools at the corners of his lips every few minutes. And Hongjoong was correct: Wooyoung seems perfectly content like that, happily lavishing the older’s fingers as Hongjoong cards his other hand through Wooyoung’s dark hair.

By the time Yeosang finally pulls himself to his feet, his legs are somewhat wobbly and shaky, but he drags himself to where Wooyoung is seated with little issue. While his own cock has softened down to a semi-hard state, Wooyoung is still rock hard and twitching between his legs, hands clasped tight around the arms of the chair. Yeosang drops himself to Wooyoung’s lap without warning, and it startles the man so badly that he bites down hard on Hongjoong’s fingers. Hongjoong takes it without complaint, only letting out a soft hiss and yanking Wooyoung’s hair until the younger moans around his hand.

“Are you feeling alright, doll?” Hongjoong leans over Wooyoung’s head to get in Yeosang’s space. The visual greets him with a quick and daring kiss, then places both hands atop where Wooyoung’s sit on the armrests. 

“Perfect as can be.”

Hongjoong smiles into the kiss. He pulls off too soon for Yeosang’s liking, but Yeosang understands why he does so after a moment because the leader slips his fingers out of Wooyoung’s wet mouth and takes to stripping himself of the rest of his clothes like the rest of them. In the break of touching from Hongjoong, Yeosang and Wooyoung finally look at each other — Yeosang with teeth sunk deep into his lower lip, and Wooyoung with eyes glazed in lust.

“I’ve been waiting so long for this,” Wooyoung admits after a second. 

“Well, you don’t have to wait any longer,” Yeosang replies with a smile before taking Wooyoung’s face into his hands. Their lips meet in a shy kiss at first, one that is testing and exploring the waters around them before they let themselves get caught up in the thick air of arousal in the room. Wooyoung shifts his hands to Yeosang’s delicate hips. He presses his thumbs to the pale skin there with enough force to bruise, but the pressure is heady and delicious in Yeosang’s mind. 

Yeosang blindly fumbles around between his legs in search of Wooyoung’s cock, and once he finally has a hold of it, he pushes up on his knees to make space for Wooyoung to slip his cock between the cleft of Yeosang’s ass. They both release a shaky sigh into each other’s mouths, and Yeosang is ready to fully drop his hips on Wooyoung’s cock if not for Hongjoong stopping him at the last second.

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, darling, you need more lube.” Hongjoong disappears behind his back, and Yeosang doesn’t bother to see what he’s doing until he feels something cool hit his backside. His whole body jolts forward against Wooyoung, hands latching onto the younger’s shoulders as the chilly lube slips lower. That feeling thankfully doesn’t last long because Wooyoung presses back into Yeosang’s hole with much more ease this time. Yeosang sinks down onto his heels once more, taking the younger’s cock deeper and deeper until Wooyoung’s thighs are flush with his ass.

He looks up from Wooyoung’s chest, intent on kissing the man under him, but Hongjoong has occupied his mouth in the meantime. And if Yeosang thought seeing Wooyoung with fingers between his lips was a sight to behold, the image of him with a cock filling his mouth is even better. So good in fact that Yeosang goes a little breathless at the sight. Hongjoong has a hand wrapped around the back of Wooyoung’s head, tilting the younger towards his crotch where Wooyoung slurps messily around his member with no shame. Hongjoong coos soft praises down at the man all the while, and it spurs Yeosang to start moving his hips. He desperately wants to hear that praise as well, he wants them to tell him that he’s doing a good job and being so good for them. He is so needy for it that he works his thighs as hard as he can, bringing a pleasant burn to the muscles. 

Yeosang’s erratic movements have Wooyoung releasing a litany of moans around Hongjoong’s cock, hands fumbling to grasp at his hips so he can buck up into Yeosang’s tight heat with little sense of rhythm. There’s no real point in trying to find a rhythm with Wooyoung, Yeosang learns that quickly because every time he tries to build a steady pace, Wooyoung jerks up with a thrust that throws Yeosang off-balance. So, instead, Yeosang just focuses on his small bounces and grinding his hips down when there’s a break in Wooyoung’s thrusts. Wooyoung loses his control on Hongjoong’s cock soon as well, and his timed bobs turn into letting his jaw go slack so that Hongjoong can simply thrust into his mouth instead. The sounds in the room are purely erotic, too loud between the wet slaps of skin, Yeosang’s mewls, and Wooyoung’s gagged moans around Hongjoong’s member, but Hongjoong manages to be relatively quiet himself with only a few sporadic moans here and there. 

“Look at you, doll.”

Yeosang cracks an eye open, panting through a whimper when he sees the way Hongjoong is currently staring at him. 

“You’re doing so well for us. Look at him, Woo, look how good he is on top of you like this.” Hongjoong stretches his free hand out towards Yeosang. He reaches for the younger’s face, but Yeosang twists his neck at the last second and catches Hongjoong’s thumb between his teeth instead. He maintains a piercing stare with the leader as he sucks the digit into his mouth, effectively muting his noises. Hongjoong’s hips lose their rhythm, and he freezes with cock halfway down Wooyoung’s throat to just stare at Yeosang in absolute wonder for so long that Yeosang thinks he truly broke the man. Wooyoung slips off Hongjoong’s cock.

“Hyung,” he whines, tone so hoarse that Yeosang would be surprised if he could talk at all tomorrow. 

“S-Shit,” Hongjoong exhales, and it’s the first time that Yeosang has seen the man’s composure break in the slightest since this started. That causes his chest to swell with pride, heady arousal filling his veins, and he squeezes hard around Wooyoung’s cock. It’s all the younger needs to come, apparently, because Wooyoung releases a startled yelp that is so loud that Hongjoong has to rush to muffle him with his cock before someone comes rushing to the door. Yeosang isn’t expecting to come as soon as he does, but he is quick to follow Wooyoung in coming, hot spurts of come painting Wooyoung’s stomach and Yeosang’s hands where they rest atop Wooyoung’s sternum. He can’t stop moving, nor does Wooyoung let him with the grip he maintains on Yeosang’s hips, thus the two of them ride out their orgasms together like that until their bodies give out to the pleasure. 

Yeosang collapses forward, smearing the cum between their bodies further as he drops his head to Wooyoung’s right shoulder. Hongjoong is still working hard to come himself, and Wooyoung returns to his senses enough to assist him. Yeosang can only watch on from where he’s perched. Every muscle in his body aches and burns, but the lingering haze of his orgasms leaves him feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

“S-Shit, Woo, gonna come on you like this,” Hongjoong warns, fingers tightening around the man’s hair. Wooyoung pulls off his cock and replaces his mouth with a hand. He splays his tongue out before the head of Hongjoong’s dick, somehow managing to giggle as he strokes his hyung to completion. Hongjoong releases onto Wooyoung’s tongue and face, and Wooyoung takes every last drop until he’s milked Hongjoong dry. 

When he finally lets go of the man’s cock, Wooyoung turns back to Yeosang, twisting a hand through his hair and pulling his face up until they’re eye level, then he plants his lips atop Yeosang’s. The come is still there, sticking to his face and tongue, but Yeosang sinks into the kiss without complaint. Wooyoung thrusts his tongue into the visual’s mouth. Hongjoong’s come is salty and warm, so bitter that Yeosang almost chokes on it, but Wooyoung fares much better, although that’s probably because he has a lot more practice swallowing come than Yeosang does. Yeosang takes it as best he can, swallowing every drop that Wooyoung pushes between his lips, and he even goes so far as to clean the come off Wooyoung’s face between soft kisses. 

“Hyung,” Yeosang exhales, and he looks up to where Hongjoong stands beside them. Hongjoong seems to guess exactly what he wants with little trouble, bending at the waist to give him a sloppy kiss, and Yeosang hums into the touch. 

“What about me?” Wooyoung whines the moment they detach, and Hongjoong has enough mercy to offer a kiss to him as well.

“I’ll give you more in the shower,” he promises after pecking the younger’s forehead. “I’ll go get the water running. You two come join when you’re ready, yeah?”

Hongjoong leaves the two of them there, still seated in that damn chair with Wooyoung’s softened cock deep in Yeosang’s ass. They don’t move right away, and frankly, Yeosang is more than okay with that because his body feels weightless and unreal at the moment. 

“Want me to carry you to the bathroom?” Wooyoung offers through a smile. Yeosang only hums in response and tucks his head further into Wooyoung’s neck.

“I really… Wooyoung, I really like you. More than just sexually,” he admits, watching a bead of sweat trickle down the side of Wooyoung’s face. “You and Hongjoong both.”

“I like you both too, so I don’t see why that would be an issue.”

“Really?” Yeosang murmurs. And maybe it’s just the afterglow of the sex or the pent-up emotions rolling through Yeosang’s chest, but the corners of his eyes prick with unshed tears and his heart clenches in his chest.

“I thought it was obvious this whole time, yeah. And I know… I know Hongjoong feels the same even if he’s not always good at voicing his feelings all the time.” Yeosang squeezes his arms around Wooyoung’s midsection at that. A soft kiss lands on his forehead, then Wooyoung shifts their weight and tucks his hands under Yeosang’s thighs.

“Are you two dolts coming or not? I’m wasting hot water over here, hurry it the fuck up!”

“He loves us!” Wooyoung laughs into the shell of Yeosang’s ear, carrying him off to join Hongjoong in the bathroom before the leader complains again.

“Yeah, I think he does,” Yeosang murmurs more to himself than to anyone else.

﹎﹎﹎

#kdiarynet #kwritersworldnet #kpopscape #ateez smut #ateez mxm #ateez angst #ateez oneshot #yeosang oneshot #hongjoong oneshot #wooyoung oneshot #yeosang smut #hongjoong smut #wooyoung smut #yeosang angst #hongjoong angst #wooyoung angst #yeosang x wooyoung #yeosang x hongjoong #wooyoung x hongjoong #wooyoung x yeosang x hongjoong #i never expect anything yet i am always disappointed.

[letthefrogsbe]

remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?

cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry. 

Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”

Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.

Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)

Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).

Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.

Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans

ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!

#hope this is marketable?? #sort of just wanted to share my 4 am writing tbh #it doesn't make sense just go w it #parkner #peter parker #harley keener

[thewalkingdead-fan101]

In this hell Daryl Dixon X Reader part 9/??

Hey guys! 

Its finally time for part 9, I really hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! It turned out a little bit longer than I anticipated! I hope everyone is safe, and healthy and I just want to wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Seasons Greetings! Thank you for being patient and so lovely!

Warnings- Slow burn, General Walking Dead stuff, Blood, Gore, Swearing, Shane descending further into insanity, walkers, Sophia.

I looked to my left, spotting Dale looking at me worriedly.

I place a hand on my chest, wiping my fore head with my free hand.

“I-I uh, I heard most of it.. if not all of it.” “I’m sorry.” Dale shook his head. “No, Dont be.. I should thank you..”

“Thank me?” “For showing me that, that is who my brother is now.” “(Y/n), if I’d known you were there I wouldn’t have said anything.” “I heard him threaten you Dale. I’ve noticed the change in Shane since Atlanta, You don’t have to try to cushion this.”

“I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.”

I sighed, walking over to Dale, hugging the older man.

“It’s not your fault Dale… It’s his own.” I softly spoke.

Dale had started to relax, softly patting my shoulder.

We both pulled back from the hug and shared a soft smile.

“I’ve got to go, Sorry Dale.”

“No, you go on.” He nodded. 

I turned away and made my way to the house.

I searched for my brother on the way back to see the others, sighing with relief as I don’t see him anywhere.

A strong scent drifted throughout the house, the source coming from the kitchen.

The stairs softly creaked as I made my way up to the second floor, Carol smiling at me as she noticed me.

“Ill take that for you.” She rubbed my shoulder, taking the towel from my hands.

“Thank you.” “I need to keep myself occupied, im starting to go stir crazy.” She softly chuckled, retreating back towards the bathroom.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the door to the guest room open, Daryl emerging.

“Hey you.” I smiled as I turned around.

“Hey.” He nodded, his head motioning to follow him to the room.

I sat on the bed as I watched Daryl pull his vest on over his tank.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Spoke to Hershel.” “Oh… what did he say?” 

“He don’t like me in ‘ere. Said I can go back with ya.” “Oh, is that so?” I smirked, getting up making my way over to him.

His eyes were locked on me, as if he were a hawk zoning in on its prey.

I softly placed my hands onto the front of his vest, straightening it out. I glanced up to find his eyes already fixed onto me. “What?” “Nothing.” He shook his head. I smiled as I dropped my hands from his chest, only to have Daryl’s hands reach down to get a hold of mine. I looked down, watching as my fingers intertwined with his.

“Look at me.” Daryl muttered. I glanced up and smiled once again, watching his face intently.

“What are ya’ smiling at?” “You, Im just glad that you’re okay.” “It’ll take a lot more than a dumb horse to keep me down.” He mumbled. “You’re only human Daryl.” “Nothing gets by ya’ does it?” He joked lightly.

I chuckled and playfully shoved his chest, moving toward the door.

Daryl’s hands grabbed my waist, pulling me back into his embrace as he playfully ran his hands along my sides, a squeal leaving my throat as he took advantage of his surprise assault, setting me on the bed to continue his attack.

“Daryl, Da-“ I cut myself off with a string of laughter, his fingers digging further into my side.

“No, No stop-“ I continued to laugh. After a few moments, his hands stopped as he moved them both up to cradle my face, pressing a soft kiss against my lips. I pulled back, a smirk evident. “You sure got some nerve Dixon.” I shook my head, smile tugging on my lips. He tilted his head as he looked at me. “Thinking you can kiss a lady after putting your hands on her like that.” I smirked. “Lady? I ain’t seen no lady.” He smirked back. “Oh you shit!” I laughed as I lightly smacked his shoulder, causing him to laugh the slightest bit more.

My heart swelled as I watched him laugh, truly carefree in this moment. I can’t help but think about how beautiful he is, the way his eyes slightly sparkle, and how his nose scrunches up, accenting the way his skin slightly crinkles by his eyes, and with each rumble of laughter that emits from his chest his teeth become that little bit more visible. The more I stare at him, the deeper my love for him grows.

I reached my hand up and gently brushed the hair out of his eyes. “Dont be gettin’ all sappy on me now.” Daryl teased. “It’s hard not to sometimes.” I smiled.

He rolled his eyes as he leant in for another kiss. Before his lips connected with mine, there was a cough coming from the doorway. My attention moved to the door, where I saw Hershel standing, annoyance clear to read on his features. Daryl sighed, dropping his head to rest against my shoulder briefly, before pushing himself up. “Hershel, hi.” I softly smiled. “I think it’s for the best if the two of you left now.” He nodded towards Daryl and I. “Oh, Of co-“ “Don’t worry, we’re leaving old man.” Daryl cut me off before I had a chance to say anything else, grabbing the little amount of belongings that he’d had with him in the room, pushing past Hershel.

I looked over to Hershel and stood from the bed. “I’m sorry Hershel, he-“ “I have rules in this house. Rules of which I expect the people that live under this roof, ‘guests’ included to follow.” He stated, shaking his head head as he left. I glanced down, only to see one of Daryls discarded shirts on the floor at the end of the bed. I bent down, collecting the stray shirt and left the now vacant room.

The rest of the after noon had flown by, we were all seated by the small campfire, in the middle of our tents and vehicles, eating beans and rice, courtesy of Maggies gift basket to Glenn, who still seems to be feeling bad about whatever it was that the gift pack was given to him for.

I looked over to see Lori sitting with her little family, her eyes made short contact with my own as she did a small nod.

I subtly watched Rick, noticing that he kept stealing little glances at his wife abdomen, lifting her hand to press a soft kiss against the skin there, giving her a soft smile when she looked over to him.

Daryl was sitting on top of the RV, after deciding that we needed a watch while we had the fire lit, preferring a little bit of alone time too. Glenn was sitting with Dale and T-dog, all talking about the differences in the wiring and production of Dales RV compared to others. Andrea and Carol were quietly chatting, in between myself and Shane, the latter sat beside Andrea, the most sour look on his face. I followed his gaze, only to realise that it’s his ‘Best friend’ on the receiving end of his glare. I lightly sighed as I stood, picking up my plate, collecting everyone else’s that had finished and taking it to the tub. 

“You alright there baby sis?” Shane spoke up from behind me. I continued to wash the dishes, I turned to grab his, only for Shane to pull them out of my reach. “Yeah, im fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” “Just checking up on you is all.” He smiled. “We haven’t seen much of each other.” He finished. “What are you talking about? We went on a run together this morning.” “It doesn’t matter.” He laughed.

“Okay, can you give me your dishes now?” I asked as I rolled my eyes. “No I can’t, now just listen to me, you can do the dishes later.” He chuckled passing me the dish towel to dry my hands and placing his dishes in the sink. I took the dish towel from him and wiped my hands, hanging it back over the makeshift rail we have. “What do you want Shane? Im tired and I want to finish my job and goto bed.” I sighed.

“Right, well, I uh- I found this when Andrea and I went out earlier.” He mumbled, pulling a decently sized book from behind his back. I took a step towards Shane, eyeing him and the book suspiciously. “Shane, you didn’t-“ “Shut up, take the damn book.” he waved the book up and down in front of me.

I reached out and took the book from his hands, examining the book.

The book had a thin layer of dust covering it, other than the fingerprints where Shane had previously held it. The top right corner of the book was slightly bent, the edges lightly deteriorated, the pages now a slight cream colour instead of the pristine white they once would’ve been. I blew the dust off of the cover, softly wiping it. “Your pregnancy: Week by week.” I read aloud. “Yeah, I read a little bit of the about author section, the guy who wrote it is a baby doctor.” “An OB/GYN?” I asked. “Yeah that, seems to know his stuff.” He nodded as I turned the book over to have a skim through the blurb. “Thank you.” I smiled softly, giving him a small side hug. “Dont mention it.” He replied patting my back. I pulled back and looked at him, only for Shane to now look at my abdomen. “What?” “How far along are you now?” He asked.

I thought for a moment before looking back to Shane. “How long has it been since the CDC?” “Four weeks, three days.” He nodded, his gaze moving toward the campfire. “Then that makes me-“ I paused, calculating in my head.

“Nine weeks and three days.” I finished. “Give or take a few days.” I added. “Well shit.” He chuckled. “Yeah, little bean is growing quickly, still seems like it was only yesterday I was peeing on a stick at the quarry.” I joked. Shane said quiet for a second, deep in his mind. “It was a lot different back then, I wish it was like that again.” I watched as he shot daggers at Rick. “Do you mean back when Rick wasn’t in the picture?” I asked. I heard a sharp inhale and watched as Shane’s whole demeanour changed. “No. How could you even say that?” His eyes bore into me. “Im sorry, you’ve just been acting different.” I sighed, placing the book down on the chair, turning and moving towards the tub once more. His rough hand grabbed onto my upper arm, his grip harsh as he spun me to face him. “Shane-“ “You don’t know anything.” He cut me off. “Rick is my best friend.” He sneered, his grip on my arm tightening. “Shane, let me g-“ I tried to talk. “You have no business asking this.” He looked me up and down, disgusted. “Shane.” I warned, looking around us. “You think im not happy my best friend is alive?” his grip was now tighter than it was previously, I could feel my arm starting to throb under his hold. “Shane, you need to let me go.” I stated sternly. “I’ll let you go when you let go of this stupid idea you go stuck in your little head.” He pulled me closer, speaking down to me. “Let me go Shane.” “You’ve been spending too much time with Dale.” He paused. “He is filling your head with this Horse shit!” He sneered, throwing my arm away from his grip, storming off. I watched my brother storm off, kicking the ground as he neared his tent, barging through the material. I shook my head, glancing at the book before going back to finishing the dishes. As soon as I finished washing and drying the dishes, I wiped my hands once more and moved to pick up the book, making my way back over to the small group, absentmindedly rubbing my arm. “Hey guys, im going to head to bed.” I smiled softly. I heard a chorus of goodnights, and looked over to Lori, who had looked over to me and smiled. “Goodnight sweetie.” She looked over to my arm and sent me a questioning glare. I softly shook my head, causing her to sternly look at me. I turned and made my way towards the RV. Daryls attention instantly landed on me, brow raised.

“What do ya’ want?” “I was just coming to say night.” I smiled up at him. “Ok.” “Ill see you later?” I asked, in which he only responded with a short nod. I made my way back to my tent, as I entered it I placed the book down on my bed, turning to get dressed. “Oh Jesus Christ.” I gasped, my hand making its way to my chest as I saw Lori, sitting on the small chair near my back pack of clothes, a worried expression on her face. “What?” I asked, noticing her gaze looking me up and down, before fixating onto my arm. “What happened?” She asked, standing up and making her way over to me. “Nothing, im okay Lori.” “Did Daryl do this?” “Oh my god no!” I laughed, quickly changing my tone to serious when I notice she wasn’t messing around. “No, Lori, No. Daryl didn’t do this.” “Who did?” She asked, coming closer to examine my arm.

I followed her hands as they reached out and grabbed my arm, seeing the red print on my arm, a purple shade already developing on the irritated skin.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” “Shane happened, it doesn’t hurt though.” I smiled. She lightly pressed her index finger against the skin, causing me to flinch. “It doesn’t hurt though.” She mocked, a small smile evident on her face. “What happened (Y/n)?” “We were just roughhousing.” I lied, not wanting her to get involved, well anymore than what she already is. She nodded her head, a little suspicious, but not pressing the conversation further. I took a seat on the bed and picked up the book, looking up at Lori. “He got me this.” “Shane?”

“Yeah, said he found it on a run.” “Thats surprising.” “I’d say, considering he has the ‘If it’s not essential, it’s not worth bringing back.’ Rule.” I laughed. Lori laughed along with me. “Alright Honey, if you need anything, come get me.” She hugged me. “Night Lori.” I smiled hugging her back. Once she had left, I flipped the book open, flicking through the first few weeks which were neatly typed onto separate pages, in their own chapters. It didn’t take long to find Chapter/Week Nine.

At the top of the page it had a small chart with the baby’s information, and in big bold lettering I read: 9 Weeks Pregnant; Your baby is as big as a green olive.

I stayed up and continued to read.

This is the week that your baby develops out of their embryonic stage and officially enters the foetal period.

The baby’s liver, the spleen and the gallbladder are all under construction now, as well as the baby’s tiny muscles are forming.

I absentmindedly started to caress my abdomen as I continued to read. 

While it's too early to feel any kicks yet, it's not too early to hear something, your baby's heartbeat might be audible on a doppler machine! “Yeah as if id have access to that.” I scoffed.

The spinal cord "tail" at your baby-to-be's rump has all but disappeared! Your baby is looking more and more like a tiny human.

I continue reading the next few pages, taking in all of the information about Bean, not even noticing Daryls presence until I feel an arm slide over my stomach.

I put the book down, making sure to save the page im on.

“Hey.” He mumbled into my ear, as a turned to face him.

“Hey.” “I thought ya’ were going to bed..” “I did, but I got caught up reading.” “Oh yeah? What?” “Just some baby stuff.” He nodded. “Baby Dixon is the size of an Olive.” I yawned, Daryl yawning after me. “Ain’t that big.” He said, laying on his back, moving his arm behind his head, his other arm pulling me into him, closing his eyes. I looked up to respond but heard his light snores, signalling he fell into an instant sleep. I leant over his chest and turned the dim lantern off, snuggling back into Daryl.

The next morning I woke up, seeing Daryl in a deep sleep beside me. I carefully climbed over him, checking to see if he was disrupted once both feet were on the ground, watching as he grumbled and rolled over, facing my side. I quickly dressed, pulling on some shoes, exiting the tent. I made my way to the supply tent, running into Lori who had just walked out, a toilet roll in hands. “Morning.” She smiled. “Morning.” “You need to use this too?” She asked, lifting the Toilet paper. “You know I do.” I chuckled.

We both walked away, towards the second field near the stables, tucked away in an area with a little more privacy.

“I didn’t think you’d be awake this early.” She smirked, turning around as I squatted.

“Oh really? Why is that?” I asked, as she handed me the roll, taking what I needed. “Well, your first night back with Daryl.” She suggested. Even looking at the back of her head I could sense her grin. “Nothing like that happened.” I shook my head smiling at her antics, finishing my business, standing up. I walked over to where she stood, switching positions. “So, nothing happened?” She asked. “No, we just had a little bit of small talk, and fell asleep.” “So, did you end up reading any of that book last night?” “Yeah, I read the complete chapter covering the ninth week.” 

“Anything interesting?” She asked.

“Just some key developmental points, Bean is the size of an olive though.” “He won’t stay that size for long.” She chuckled. “Trust me, it won’t be long until he is the size of an orange, then the size of a coconut and then the size of a watermelon.” She spoke. “I don’t even want to think about how much bigger bean will get.” “You know you can’t keep calling the baby bean right?” She asked as she walked over. “You need to have a name for them.” She continued. “I know. But I feel as though im going to know his or her name when I look at them.” I paused. “So for now, it’s bean.” I smiled as we walked back to camp.

We made it back to the communal tent, using a few drops of the sanitiser that Glenn had brung back from a run before leaving. As we left the tent, a stick had snapped to the right, Lori and I both looked over to see Carol coming to us, a smile on her face. “Morning Carol.” I smiled. “Morning ladies.” She responded, her basket being transferred to her other hand. “Morning.” “How do eggs sound for breakfast?” She asked, a small smile on her face as she held up the basket containing a dozen or so eggs. “Sounds good.” Lori responded as I smiled. “Need any help?” I asked. Carol shook her head. “No honey, I will manage.” She smiled, lighting the fire, setting up the rack and pan, instantly cracking the eggs and scrambling them. The door to the RV opened, Dale stepping out, his favourite mug rested between both hands as he breathed in the morning air, a smile on his features. Andrea was next to exit the RV, stretching and making her way over. Andrea walked right past Lori and I, barley acknowledging us as she made her way to Shanes tent.

I shook my head and sat down on one of the seats. “Okay guys, breakfast is getting served.” Carol called out, serving some egg on the plates. “Thank you.”  Lori smiled, grabbing three plates, sitting them on her chair. “I’ll be back.” Lori stated, walking to her tent. I grabbed two plates and smiled at Carol. “Thank you.” “You’re welcome sweetie.” Daryl was the next person to emerge, looking around grumbling and walking over, sitting on the ground in front of the seat I was in, leaning his back against the front of my chair, positioning himself between my legs. “Here.” I handed him his plate and fork. Daryl nodded in response and took his plate from me, starting to devour his meal. Carl shot out of the tent, followed by Lori, and lastly Rick, who had all taken a seat, Carl yawned as he rested his elbows onto his knees, then propping his head up on his hands, softly tracing in the dirt with his shoes. “Carl, honey don’t do that.” Lori spoke sweetly, handing Carl his breakfast, then Rick his. “Leave him be Lori.” Rick sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. “Morning all.” Shane called out, walking toward us all, sporting his police cap, bending down to grab the last plate Andrea following, her face as hard as stone almost, grabbing a sharpening block and her knife, taking a seat on the small log by the fire, sharpening said knife. I looked over to my right and watched as Glenn took a seat at the base of one of the trees closer to the house, and T-dog was crouched down by the fire, warming his hands.

We all ate in silence, Carol walking around with the pan offering leftovers to whoever wanted any. “Daryl?” She asked. “Thanks.” He nodded and held his plate out. I looked over to Glenn once again and followed his gaze to Dale, who had nodded at him. I looked back to Glenn and watched as he walked toward us all, his hands in his front pockets. “Um, guys.” He started, rubbing his face with one hand, grabbing everyones attention. “So... the barn is full of walkers.” He finished. Simultaneously, everyone had stopped what they were doing. I had stopped running my fingers through Daryl’s hair, and Daryl had looked up from his food. Andrea had stopped sharpening her knife and Carols eggs started to slowly burn. I looked over to Lori who was worriedly looking at her husband, whose expression was unreadable. Rick then stood up, Shane stepped forward. “Lets check this out.” My brother spoke loud, as he headed for the barn in question. We all followed Shane, desperate to see if what Glenn was saying was the truth. Shane was the first to make it to the barn, slowly and cautiously walking to the doors. The group stopped a few metres back and waited as Shane looked through the gap of the wooden planks. After a moment he turned around, storming towards us, scoffing.

“You cannot tell me you're all right with this.” He pushed past Rick.

“No I'm not, but we're guests here. This Isn't our land.” Rick responded. “This is our lives man!” Shane snapped, turning back to face Rick.

“Lower your voice.” Glenn spoke up, trying to not draw attention to us.

“We can't just sweep this under the rug.” Andrea said to Rick.

“It ain't right. Not remotely.” Shane paused, pacing. “Okay, we've either got to go in there, we've got to make things right or we've just got to go. Now we have been talking about Fort Benning for a long time.” He finished.

“We can't go.” Rick answered.

“Why, Rick? Why?” Shane asked.

“Because my daughter is still out there.” Carols answered. I stood forward and put my hand on her arm, squeezing gently as her hand rested on top of my own. “Okay.” Shane paused, scoffing, covering his mouth with his hands. “Okay, I think It's time that we all start to just consider the other possibility.” He nodded towards Carol. I pulled Carol closer to me, and holding her hand.

“We're not leaving Sophia behind.” Rick shook his head. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Daryl takes a step forward, annoyance written on his face.

“I’m close to finding this girl. I just found her damn doll two days ago.” He pointed in the direction of the creek.

“You found her doll, Daryl. That's what you did. You found a doll.” Shane spoke down to him.

“You don't know what the hell you're talking about.” Daryl walked forward, chest out.

“I’m just saying what needs to be said. You get a good lead, it's in the first 48 hours.” Shane started to yell.

“Shane, stop.” Rick tried to reason, matching his volume. I moved Carol behind me and took a step forward, softly grabbing Daryls arm,  instantly knowing that with whatever Shane is about to say a brawl will most likely be the end result. “Daryl, don’t.” I whispered to him to have him shake me off. “Let me tell you something else, man. If she was alive out there and saw you coming all methed out with your buck knife and geek ears around your neck, she would run in the other direction!” Shane yelled at Daryl.

Daryl started shouting and trying to get past Rick, as was Shane. “Daryl, he’s not worth it.” I tried, grabbing his arm and pulling him back, Glenn and Rick pushing Shane away.

“Back off!” Rick called out, pushing Shane back. Lori placed her hand on his arm and went to speak.

“Keep your hands off me.” He glared at her, walking away. Rick took a moment, regaining his breath.

“Now just let me talk to Hershel.” He paused. “Let me figure it out.”

“What are you gonna figure out?!” Shane screamed walking towards Rick. “Enough!” Lori was quick to defend her husband, placing her left hand on Shanes chest and pushing him back.

“If we're gonna stay, if we're gonna clear this barn, I have to talk him into it. This is his land.” Rick spoke, his voice firm.

Dale took a step forward, looking at Rick. “Hershel sees those things in there as people.” He begins. “Sick people, his wife, his stepson.” He gestured to the barn.

“You knew?” Rick asked.

“Yesterday I talked to Hershel.” He nodded.

“And you waited the night?” Shane asked, Jaw tight. “I thought we could survive one more night. We did. I was waiting till this morning to say something. But Glenn wanted to be the one.” He defended himself.

“The man is crazy, Rick, if Hershel thinks those things are alive or no-“ Shane started to raise his voice once more, but was cut off.

I slightly jumped back as the chained doors to the barn started swaying, Loud growls and snarls coming from behind it. Daryl was quick to push me behind him, making sure to keep one of his hands connected to me so he knows I was still there. Lori ran to Carl and held him, making sure that we was okay, as Shane and Rick stared at the Doors. “Screw this.” Shane mumbled. “What? What are you going to do now? I think you’ve done enough.” I spoke up “I’m dong a perimeter check on the barn. Some one has to make sure that WE are SAFE.” He emphasised, storming off to inspect the barn.

We all made our way back to the small camp, all of us except Shane. Daryl had made sure that he had eyes on me the entire walk back, stealing glances at the barn as well as making sure I was in front of him. “Daryl, im okay, im back at the camp.” “We need ta’ talk.” He nodded toward the tent. “We can talk here.”

He shook his head and I sighed, walking to our shared tent. Upon entering Daryl had pulled me into a hug.

“Daryl, what’s going on?” I asked as I softly ran my hands along his back. “Don’t go near that barn, ya’ hear me?” He grumbled. “What-“ “Ya’ hear me?” He repeated the question. “Yes Daryl, I hear you, But wh-“ “I’m going ta’ prove that son of a bitch wrong.” He drawled out. “I don’t want you going out there!” I tried to reason with him. “I have ta’ go out there.” “No you don’t, give yourself a lit-“ “The longer I stay ‘ere, the longer that girl is out there.”  “Daryl, you still aren’t healed properly.” “Im healed enough.” He argued.

“You’re a stubborn asshole Dixon.” I paused, shaking my head. “There’s no point in trying to talk you out of this. Just please, come back to me, come back to us.” I pleaded. “Ya’ know I will.” He responded, before roughly kissing me. He took a step back and left. 

I took my jacket off and placed it on the end of the bed, leaving the tent once more and looking around. Dale was on watch, and Lori was sitting at the bench table with Carl, home schooling him.

I spotted Glenn pacing by the now put out fire. “Hey Glenn.” I called out, making my way toward him. He looked up from his feet, a worried expression painted on his face as he looked at me. “Glenn, what’s happening?” I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Maggie.” “What about Maggie?” I asked. “She most likely hates me now. I told you guys about the Barn, She asked me not to.” He continued to ramble.

I looked over towards the Greene’s home, to see Maggie walking toward the chicken coop. “Glenn.” I tried to stop his rambling. “She asked me to not say anything-“ “Glenn.” “And instead of doing what she asked me to do, I completely ignored her.” “Glenn.” I smiled. He finally stopped rambling and looked at me. “I have three things im going to tell you.” “What?” He asked. “One: Maggie likes you, she wouldn’t have reacted the way she did yesterday if she didn’t.” I smiled. “Two: You told us something that you felt we needed to know. You’re an honest guy Glenn and that is one of your best qualities, if she doesn’t like you, that’s her loss.”                                              “That was only two.” “Im getting there.” I chuckled. “Three: Go to Maggie Glenn, Talk to her.” I smiled. He slowly nodded his head and took a breath. “Okay.” He whispered, hyping himself up. “Im going to go and talk to her.” He nodded, walking toward the house. “Chicken coop!” I called out after him, watching as he turned and ran after Maggie. Glenn was out of sight in no time, eager to talk to Maggie. I looked to my left, watching as Shane did yet another walk around the barn, stopping every few seconds, looking around and occasionally rubbing his face. I don’t know who he is anymore. My brother is changing, not the man I once knew, not the kid I spent the first half of my childhood with. He looks like an addict, wanting his fix of his addiction, instead of drugs or alcohol, its Lori.

I softly shake my head and turn away, making my way to the RV, looking up at Dale. “Do you want me to take over for you?” I called out, blocking the harsh glare of the sun from my eyes. Dale looked down and smiled. “No, it’s alright, Glenn is meant to take shift next, just waiting on the boy.” He responded with a polite nod. “Okay, if I see him again, I’ll send him your way warden.” I joked, saluting him. “At ease.” He joked back, a small chuckle being heard.

I looked over to where Glenn was slowly making his way back to us, flicking his hands toward the ground, his cap carried in his left hand. “Hey, uh, she let me talk to her.” He stated as he came closer. I covered my mouth with my hand to hide my smile, stifling a laugh, trying to regain my composure. “Oh, how did that go?” I asked, still trying hard to not laugh. “She cracked an egg in my cap..” He held his cap out, showing me the broken yolk and fragments of shell. “I see.” I nodded. “Does, does this smell bad to you?” He asked, handing me his cap. “I am not smelling that.” I chuckled. “I will wash it out for you while you go and get cleaned up though.” I smiled. “Thank you.” He breathed out. “You’re welcome, just know that Dale is looking for you.” I smiled as he made his way to get cleaned up, his eyes widened as he looked back at me. “Its my shift.” He ran to get cleaned up. Dale looked over to us and shook his head as Glenn rushed around. I took his cap to our washing area and got to work, rinsing it under the tap, and picking out the eggshells, putting a little drop of detergent and scrubbing it gently, hanging it up once I finished.

I looked over to see Dale throwing Glenn his hat, having a small conversation with the young man, then entering his RV. “Hey, (Y/n).” I looked over to where Lori was, now walking toward me. “Hey, what’s up?” I asked, placing my hands in my pockets, meeting her halfway. “I know.” She paused. “I know, that this is a big ask, but would you mind sitting with Carl for me? Just for a little bit? I’m trying to make life a little bit more normal for him, im going to go look for some books, maybe ask Patricia if she has one she could lend me.” “Yeah, of course I can.” I nodded. “Thank you, so much.” She smiled, patting my shoulder as she headed toward the house. Carl had his nose buried in his book, writing down what his mother had told him before hand. “Hey Bud.” I smiled, taking Lori’s seat. “Oh, hey.” He smiled halfheartedly, looking up from his book. “Whats wrong? You don’t look too happy to see me.” I frowned. “Its not that, I just don’t need a babysitter.” He looked down. “A babysitter? Who? Me?” I asked, pausing. “No, im not a babysitter.” I shook my head, as I pointed at myself. “I think your mom, asked me to come over here so you could watch me.” He looked at me, a small smile appearing on his face. “We all know that I can get into quite a bit of trouble, and she must’ve thought that I needed someone to make sure I was being good.” “Yeah, I won’t let you get into any trouble.” He responded, shaking his head. “Exactly! So how about you show me what it is you’re writing down?” “Mom is just doing basic maths, you know, multiplications.” “Which ones?” “Nines today.” “Oh, well did she tell you about this nifty little trick?” I began. I grabbed his hands and held them out in front of him. “Say we are looking for 9 x 6, put your sixth finger down and you’ll get your answer by counting your fingers on each hand.” “What do you mean?” He asked, looking down at his hands, his sixth finger now down. “So, how many fingers are up in front of your sixth finger?” “Five.” “Okay good, and how many are after it?” “Four.” “Now, the fingers that are up before your sixth finger is what represents the tens in units, and after your sixth finger is the single units.” “So fifty-four four?” He asked, adding it in his head.

“Yeah, My grandma taught me that little trick because I struggled with Math, she called it the FMM” “Do you miss her?” “Everyday little man, im jus glad that her time was before this happened.” I smiled and messed his hair up. “Hey!” He grumbled laughing. Carl had ended up using the method that I had taught him, occasionally sign for help with the higher problems. “Ive finished my multiplications.” He smiled. “Oh, okay good.” I smiled, checking the page where he had written it all down. “Where did mom go anyway?” He asked. “She went to find some more books.” I smiled. Carl groaned and dramatically dropped his head against the table. “This is boring.” He tilted his head to look at me. “Okay, what is something you liked at school?” I asked, scanning his work.

Carl looked up, thinking about his response, when his eyes lit up. “Yeah?” “When I could talk to my friends. You know, like I talked to Sophia.” He nodded. I looked over to him as he mentioned Sophia’s name, having to find my breath again. “Mom says Shane is scared of the walkers in the barn.” He started. “But he thinks that Sophia is dead, he wants to leave.” Carl looked down. I placed his book on the table, lifting his chin up so he could look me in the eyes. “Shane is wrong. We are not leaving okay, we will find Sophia.” I started, Carl looking away. “Hey, Carl look at me sweetie.” I called, moving his chin once again to be face to face with him. “We will find Sophia, okay, I can feel it, we’re close.” I nodded, wiping the tear from the corner of his eye, pulling him into a hug. “Okay, how about we do some division before your mom comes back?” I asked as I rubbed his back. He softly nodded against my shoulder.

Carl had flown through his divisions, proving that he was a really smart kid. “Hey you two, how are your math problems coming along baby?” Lori asked, kissing the top of Carls head. “Ew, mom stop.” He laughed trying to wriggle out of her hands.

“Did you do your nines?” She asked, taking a seat on the other side of Carl. “Yes mom, (Y/n) showed me this cool trick that her grandma showed her, its the FMM” “The what? I’m sorry.” “The Finger Multiplication Method, FMM is a better way to say it.” I answered. “I see.” She smiled, trying not to laugh. The door to the farm house had slammed shut, Rick making his way over to where Shane was leaning against the rusted tractor near the barn. The two men stood discussing, more like arguing over what our course of action would be. “Mom, can I go and help T-dog?” “Yeah honey, just don’t leave the camp.” She nodded, watching as he ran over to the RV. “What do you think they’re talking about?” Lori asked, gesturing to her husband and my brother. “Shane is probably trying to defend his wants.” “They need to agree on what to do, they need to make a decision already, it’s tearing the group apart.” She sighed. “What do you think we need to do?” I asked, now facing her. “I don’t think we should rush into anything. I don’t feel safe with those walkers in that barn.” “Lori, neither do I, but I am siding with Rick here.” I paused. “Shane wants to be right, and he is willing to get all of us kicked out of a safe place, a home.” I continued. Lori looked back towards the two men. “Lori, at the end of the day, you have to do what’s the best for you and your family.” “I know.” She nodded. I stood and went to walk away. “Wait, please.” She grabbed my hand. I looked at Lori confused, and sat back down, holding her hand with both of my own.

“Lori, what?” “I need to be honest with you.” “Whats going on?” “Before, at the quarry, before Rick-“ “I know.” I cut her off. “Shane and I-“ “I know.” I nodded my head, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “How did you know?” She asked. “You and Shane weren’t really discreet.” I smiled. She shook her head, embarrassment covering her face. “It’s okay, I don’t care.” I shook my head, comforting her. Lori took a deep breath. “This baby, is Ricks baby.” “Even if it is Shanes baby, it will never be his baby.” She finished. “And that baby, will be loved, no matter what.” “This baby, will still have an aunt in me either way, Carl does too. You know that.” Lori nodded her head, reaching a hand up and wiping her tears as she hugged me. “Thank you.” She whispered. Lori stood up, and wiped her hands on her jeans. “I uh, I better go and get some vegetables for dinner.” She nodded, leaving to get vegetables.

I walked over to the RV, searching for Dale and Glenn, both of which were missing. “That’s odd.” I whispered to myself, climbing the ladder of the RV, picking up the rifle, pacing around the roof. Rick and Andrea had met at the cars, discussing their route. “Hey, be careful up there!” Glenn called out, running with a cup of water. “I am being careful.” I rolled my eyes. “Just hang on a second! I’ll be up.” Glenn called out, entering the RV, coming right back out and climbing u the ladder, taking the rifle from me. “What were you doing?” He asked after catching his breath. “I was covering your ass.” I paused, looking for Shane. “What happened?” I asked. 

“Andrea said something to Dale. He said he needed a minute and asked me to get him some water and that he would keep watch.” “Do you know where he is?” He shook his head. “Do you need help back down?” “No, Glenn. I can manage, thank you.” I smiled, descending the ladder. I looked over to where Andrea and Rick were talking, looking at the maps on the hood of Shane’s Hyundai. “Also shows she could be moving this way south. If Sophia kept in that direction, she might have gotten out of the forest and into the farmland.” Rick Paused, gesturing to the roads. “So we take 74 up to Ivy road, then push down south on foot through the forest till we hit Christopher, go east a couple of miles and then double back.” He finished. I watched as Hershel walked closer to Rick, pulling his sleeves up.

“Rick.” He greeted.

“Hershel. We just have our guns out because we're gonna go look for Sophia.”

“Before you do that, I could use your help with something.”

“Count me in.” Andrea nodded.

“Thank you. But I just need Rick.” Rick looked at Andrea, nodding.

“I’ll be down at the barn keeping watch until you're ready.” She nodded, tucking her gun into the back of her jeans, Rolling the map up. “(Y/n), You wanna join me at the barn?” She asked. “Oh, no. Thank you. I need to talk to Dale.” I smiled. “Okay, Im going to head to the barn. Can you put the mag in the RV?” She asked, holding the map out. “Sure.” I nodded, taking it from her. I took the map and placed it on the table, looking through the books Dale had sitting on one of the benches with a note that said ‘throw away’. I looked through the pile and noticed ‘the wind in the willows’. I smiled and grabbed it, making a mental note to tell Dale I borrowed it, not that he’d mind anyway. I looked around, looking for Carl, who was sitting on the log by the cooking pot, a stick in hand, drawing in the dirt. “Carl!” I called out, getting the young brunettes attention. He smiled as he saw me, standing up, tossing the stick aside. “Yeah?” He asked looking up. “I found this, figured it might help get you through the boredom of camp.” “What is it?” He asked taking the book from my hand. “Just a book I loved when I was your age.” I smiled. “Oh cool, thanks.” He beamed, moving back to his seat, opening the book. I took a seat near the pit and checked our medical supplies, seeing what we need and writing it down. It wasn’t very long until Shane was storming past us.

“Hey, Shane, Can I talk to you for a sec?” Carl called out, making Shane stop and turn as I looked up.

“You okay?” He asked moving towards the boy.

“Yeah. I know you think Sophia's dead. And that we should stop looking for her.” Carl paused. “Bu-But that's bullshit.” He finished.

“Hey, man, watch your mouth.” Shane started getting annoyed. I sat the small box beside me and stood up, ready to intervene.

“We're gonna stay here until we find her.” Carl told him.

“You think that's what we should do?”

“It's what I know we should do.” He confirmed.

“Then we stay. That means we got to do whatever we got to do to make that happen. Hmm?” Shane asked, an idea forming. An idea that wouldn’t be good.

“Like help out with chores?” Carl asked innocently.

“Mmm. Like help out with the chores.” Shane nodded. “Carl. Come here for a minute.” Lori called out, clearly uncomfortable.

“Why don't you go see what your mom wants? Hmm? Go on.” “Hey, Carl. Don't let me hear you talk like that again.” He called out after Carl had left. “He is just a kid Shane.” I spoke. “Yeah well he is a kid that needs to learn his place.” “That makes two of you then.” I crossed my arms. He shook his head and headed for the RV. “Shane!” I followed him. “What?” “What are you going to do?”

“Nothing!” He brushed me off. The closer he got to the RV, the faster he walked. “Sup?” Glenn called down, surrendering his hands as Shane looked at him. Shane walked into the RV and started banging around. “What’s up with him?” Glenn asked. I shrugged and waited for him to come out.

“Son of a bitch!” I heard him mumble, practically running out. He looked up at Glenn.

“You see where he went?” Shane asked. “Who?” Glenn asked. “Don't even try to shit me, okay?” He snapped. “Shane!” “What?” “Dale. Glenn. Did you see where Dale went?” He asked. “Yeah, he asked me to run and get him some water.” “He said he'd cover me on watch.” Glenn finished. “And he was gone when you got back, huh?” “Yeah. You think he's okay?” Glenn asked. “Oh, he's fine.” Shane nodded. “Why'd he bail then?” “So you wouldn't tell me which way he went.” “I don't get it.” Glenn looked at me. I shrugged. “No, man, you don’t.” He stormed off once again.

Glenn looked down at me once more, a questioning look on his face. “I honestly, don’t know.” I sighed. “Something doesn’t feel right though.” I continued as I held my hand in front of my eyes, blocking out the sun. “Isn’t that Daryl and Carol?” Glenn asked, looking over toward the tree line, headed into the forest. “Must be.” I nodded as I watched the two of their silhouettes disappear. “You alright (Y/n)?” Glenn called out. “Yeah, im fine.. Im just tired.” I nodded, taking a seat on Dales camping chair. “Are you sure?” He asked. “Im positive Glenn, Fatigue is a symptom that coincides with pregnancy.” “Oh, right.” He chuckled. I closed my eyes, leaning my head back to rest against the RV, taking five minutes to just try to relax. The sound of Glenn calling out to Maggie, quickly deciding to climb down from the RV. “(Y/n), can you cover me for a minute.” “Of course, go.” “Just don’t climb up there!” He called back, trying to catch up with Maggie. “Im pregnant, not missing a limb.” I called back, starting to climb the ladder. I bent down to pick up the rifle. As I stood back up, my head started spinning, I looked down and my hand had grabbed onto the blue camp chair. I lowered myself down and looked around my as the burred motion of my vision, slowly became more clear. I looked down to my hands, knuckles turning white as I gripped the chair, trying to centre myself. Maybe I should have listened to Glenn. As I turned to look, Glenn had taken and placed the smaller basket to the ground, gesturing around the two of them with his hands. Glenn had finished talking, moving to come back when Maggie had called out to him, walking over and bringing him in for a kiss. I smiled, looking away so I didn’t come across as a creep. Andrea was pacing in front of the barn, occasionally stopping, searching around for Shane, im assuming. “Hey, Thank you.” Glenn smiled as he climbed the ladder, joining me atop the RV. “You’re welcome.” I smiled, handing him the rifle as he held his hands out. “So, Maggie and Patricia have invited us all to the house, I asked Lori, she said we should be fine without someone on watch for a bit.” He smiled, placing the rifle down. “Oh, no, I- I can’t just stay up here.” I shook my head. “Why?” “No reason, I can stay.”

Glenn looked at me, a worried expression on his face.

“(Y/N), what’s going on?”

“It’s fine, its nothing too big.” I sighed. “Im just feeling a little light-headed.” I finished. “What?! I told you to not climb up!” He scolded. “I was fine, until I wasn’t.” “Famous last words.” He shook his head. Glenn looked around, thinking to himself. “Ill go and get some help.” He started to descend the ladder. “Glenn! No! Look, I can get down.” I stated, getting up, moving to the ladder. Glenn was already down and looking up at me. I slowly turned and started to climb down. “See, I can do it. Just have to be slow.” I smiled as my left foot hit the ground. “No more climbing up there.” Glenn shook his head. “Glenn, if I need-“ “No, no more.” He stated, guiding me down to the house. “Okay, fine.” I surrendered. I smiled as I noticed Carl was sitting at the table, with Beth and Patricia. Lori came down and grabbed my hand, taking me a little bit further away from the others. “Rick told Shane.” “About-“ I looked down. “Yeah.” “He thinks Rick isn’t built for this world, doesn’t think that Rick will survive.” “Don’t worry yourself over Shane, Lori. He will get over it. Rick will survive, you know it, I know it, the group knows it.”

“Ill be back, Watch out for Carl?” “Of course.” I nodded, I looked over to see T-dog and Andrea walking over to the house. “Do you know what's going on?” T-dog asked hands by his sides.

“Where is everyone?” Andrea asked. I made my way back over to the group and stood on the step behind Maggie.

“You haven't seen Rick?” Glenn asked Andrea.

“He went off with Hershel.” “We were supposed to leave a couple hours ago.” She finished.

“Yeah you were. What the hell?” Daryl interrupted, joining us, Carol behind him.

“Rick told us he was going out.” Carol spoke out from behind Daryl.

“Damn it. Isn't anybody taking this seriously? We got us a damn trail.” Daryl stated annoyed, throwing his right arm towards the tree line.  “Oh, here we go.” He stated as Shane walked toward us. “What's all this?” He pointed at the bag.

“You with me, man?” Shane asked, bringing a pump action shotgun out of the bag.

“Yeah.” Daryl answered, grabbing it and pumping the shotgun, resting it up on his shoulder. “Shane, what do you think you’re doing?” I asked, taking a step down towards him. Shane looked at me, a scowl on his face, looking around at everyone else.

“Time to grow up.” He spoke. “You already got yours?” He looked to Andrea.

“Yeah. Where's Dale?.”

“He's on his way.”

“Thought we couldn't carry?” T-dog asked, taking the gun when Shane handed it to him.

“We can and we have to.” He started. “Look, it was one thing sitting around here picking daisies when we thought this place was supposed to be safe. But now we know it ain’t.”

“Shane, enough.” “How about you, man? You gonna protect yours?” He held out a gun to Glenn. ”That's it. Can you shoot?” He looked to Maggie.

“Can you stop? You do this, you hand out these guns, my dad will make you leave tonight.” She tried to reason.

“We have to stay, Shane.” Carl stepped forward. Lori rounded the corner and saw Shane and all of the guns.

“What is this?” She asked.

“We ain't going anywhere, okay?” Shane looked to Carl. “Now look, Hershel, he's just gotta understand. Okay? He--well, he's gonna have to.” He stood forward. “Now we need to find Sophia. Am I right? Huh?” Shane knelt in fronton Carl. “Now I want you to take this. You take it, Carl, and you keep your mother safe. You do whatever it takes. You know how. Go on, take the the gun and do it.” Shane nodded, holding the gun out for Carl.

I reached forward and grabbed the gun before Carl could and glared at Shane as Lori swooped in and pushed Carl behind her.

“Rick said no guns. This is not your call. This is not your decision to make.” She spoke firm.

“Oh shit.” T-dog got our attention. I moved forward to take a closer look into what we were witnessing. Along the fence line we watched as Jimmy, Rick and Hershel were leading walkers to the barn. “What is that? What is that?” Shane growled as he pushed past everyone running for the three men by the barn.

“Shane!” Lori and I both yelled, protesting.

The closer he got to Rick and Hershel the more the shouting had escalated. “What the hell are you doing?” My brother shouted.

“Shane, just back off!” Rick tried to talk Shane down.

“Why do your people have guns?” Hershel had asked.

“Are you kidding me? You see? You see what they're holding onto?” Shane had started pointing at the walkers.

“I see who I'm holding onto.” Hershel corrected him.

“No, man, you don’t.” Shane shook his head. I watched as Daryl held the gun up, ready to shoot, Shane

“Shane, just let us do this and then we can talk.” Rick had once again tried to talk Shane out of his rage.

“What you want to talk about, Rick?” “These things ain't sick. They're not people. They're dead. Ain't gonna feel nothing for them 'cause all they do, they kill! These things right here, they're the things that killed Amy. They killed Otis. They're gonna kill all of us.” Shane yelled

“Shane, shut up!” Rick yelled.

“Hey, Hershel man, let me ask you something.” Shane started. “Could a living breathing person, could they walk away from this?” He asked as he shot the female walker three times in the chest. “Shane stop!” I yelled moving forward.

Daryl stood infant of me and pushed me back with his body. “Stay outta this.” He growled. “Keep her here.” He looked at Carol, who had rested her hands on my shoulders, turning back and holding the gun to the walkers head. “No! Stop it!” Rick shouted once more.

“That's three rounds in the chest. Could someone who's alive, could they just take that?! Why is it still coming?” Shane asked Hershel, shooting it another two times. “That's its heart, its lungs. Why is it still coming?” He shouted, shooting it two more times. “Shane, enough!”

“Yeah, you're right, man. That is enough.” Shane agreed, walking up to it, shooting it in the head. Hershel dropped to his knees as the walker had fallen, just watching as it lied dead on the floor. “Enough risking our lives for a little girl who's gone!” He shouted. Carol gasped as Shane mentioned her daughter, hand moving from my shoulders to her mouth. “Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us. Enough. Rick, it ain't like it was before! Now if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it! I'm talking about fighting right here, right now.” Shane yelled as he ran to the barn. “Take the snare pole. Hershel, take the snare pole. Hershel, listen to me, man, please. Take it now. Hershel! Take it!” Rick shouted, trying to get Hershel to take the snare. Shane grabbed a short handled hoe, bashing against the lock on the barns door. “No, Shane. Do not do this, brother. Wait!” Rick tried to reason.

“Don't do it!” Glenn yelled. “Shane! Enough is enough! Stop it!” I screamed.

Shane had pried the lock off of the door, moving the plank securing it, leaving only the old chains. I looked around, Lori was moving Carl behind her, Maggie was on the ground with her father, her sister with jimmy. It was chaotic, everyone was shouting. The doors started opening, one by one walkers had started to pile out. Andrea and T-dog rushed forward to help Shane on the frontline, next was Daryl running to aide them. My heart ached for the Greene family, Maggie was crying and I watched as Glenn went to comfort her, she nodded and he moved forward joining in on the walker massacre, with regret on his face. Shane looked back, and shot the walker that Rick was still holding, Rick had turned around to check on Carl and his wife before looking back to the shit show in front of us. Gunshots continued to echo over the property as Daryl shot the last walker. Our group had lowered their weapons, looking over the damage they’d just done. The snarls of another walker could be heard and we all waited for it to emerge. My tears instantly fell as the little girl walked out of the barn, Carols cries, magnifying the shock. Carol had ran forward before I could do anything. “Sophia? Sophia! Sophia. Sophia. On no. Sophia. Sophia.” She tried running past Daryl, who had grabbed her and pulled her back, both of them dropping to their knees as she sobbed. “Sophia.” I moved my hand to cover my mouth, as I cried into it, watching as Rick walked forward, raising his gun. I closed my eyes as the last gun shot sounded. The sound of Carols sobs, being branded into my brain.

Series Masterlist Next Part

#daryl dixon #daryl dixion imagine #daryl x you #daryl x reader #daryl fanfiction #The Walking Dead #twd #x reader

[clumsyclifford]

just finished writing this and realized how long it got oh jeez i am so sorry. i promise it is just me rambling about nothing and does not require a lot of thought.

i made a playlist of r5's entire discography and am listening to it (in order) because there is something wrong with me. if only it had their very first ever ep on it (ready set rock ep you may have been slight garbage but i don't love you any less for it). oh god i realized i fucked up and didn't add the songs by "ross lynch and r5" from the austin & ally soundtrack. i'm already three songs into louder and they would have been between louder and say you'll stay. what do i have to do is actually one of r5's best songs and i'm pretty sure i remember ross calling it one of his favs fairly recently?? which was so valid of him. anyways. this is now an r5 song ranking. i'm bored and avoiding doing assignments. i'm going to name my top 10 r5 songs off the top of my head. source: me trying to remember every song they've ever released.

no. 1: easy love. nothing comes close. my fav song they ever made. they haven't made anything that even compares since (this is /hj. tde has some valid songs).

no. 2: wishing i was 23. what do you mean i only love this song because of my nostalgia bias no i don't.

no. 3: what do i have to do? i will not elaborate i do not know why i adore this song as much as i do it's just a cute song.

no. 4: repeating days. THE END. THE FUCKING END AFTER THE SONG ENDS THE "all i've got is cheap wine" PART ross sounds so vulnerable and him with just the guitar makes me so :(((((( it's so gorgeous that part makes the whole song and that makes it top 3 for me.

no. 5: i want u bad. THAT SONG FUCKS LIVE. I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE IT LIVE AGAIN. (speaking of concerts i can't believe you bought concert tix and fucking forgot??? that is actually so fucking funny bella it made me laugh i will not lie)

no. 6: dark side. so so valid of them. it just fucks. it's so good. it makes u want to dance. u named a fic after a lyric from it which was so valid.

no. 7: did you have your fun? i love this song. no i will not elaborate. it is a sexy song. what's that one lyric from it that's hot. "love me, leave me, left me numb" some lyrics you love for no particular reason and for me that's one of those lyrics.

no. 8: f.e.e.l.g.o.o.d. this has alwayysss been one of my favs by them. since it dropped. some lore about it: the like crowd yelling that's in it they recorded live at a festival they played and i remember there being hype about this being an unreleased song when they had the crowd chanting "f-e-e-l-g-o-o-d" with no explanation. also another fun fact is that the final version of this is just a demo?? source: my slightly faulty memory remembering ross saying something about some demos being so good that you keep them as they are and it later being revealed this was the song he was talking about.

no. 9: i know you got away. sexy song. they released a vocals only version of it (that has apparently since been deleted?? i went to look for it on youtube and couldn't find it?? wtf r5) that has stuck with me ever since.

no. 10: loud. but more specifically the acoustic or live version. this was their encore song that they played to end every show. i MISS IT. it holds a special place in my heart.

honorable mentions: hurts good (a good song and THEIR LAST THEY EVER RELEASED VV SAD), wild hearts (fun fact almost picked a lyric from this song as my senior quote till i found out they didn't write this song), fallin' for you (YOU LIKE MISMATCHED SOCKS WITH POLKA DOTS YOU LIKE YOUR PIZZA COLD I THINK THATS HOT i never saw this song live and i'm still fucking pissed about it ok), do it again (it's such a sweet song :(((( "listen to the airplanes as we count the stars" gives me the same vibes as six feet under the stars), things are looking up (generally just a cute song!! this whole ep is just very good and very cute!! when i saw it live one time during the bridge ross was like "everyone shut up this is my favorite part >:(" and that was so valid of him) i can't say i'm in love (it's just a fun song!! it was a bonus track on sln from another country), trading time (this is the only song from the new addictions ep that i listed and u know what i'm Not sorry)

ok. i will spare you and stop rambling. other honorable mentions: if you have never listened to cool girl (feat. the driver era) by new beat fund i highly recommend. it's an okay song but it was one of the first songs released after they rebranded as tde and includes ross saying motherfucker with his whole chest. i will never again feel what i felt the first time i heard that song having listened exclusively to them as r5 whose songs they couldn't curse in because they were on a disney label.

in conclusion. i miss r5. ross saying fuck is kinda hot. i listened to the entirety of louder while writing this. i am sorry to dump this in your askbox. i still have multiple assignments to do and should probably go to sleep at a decent time. it feels fitting to finally stop writing while easy love is on. when i was 12 and this ep came out i thought "dirtbags" was a curse word and was scared to sing it. they changed it to "douchebags" live.

that's all. goodbye. have a lovely night. listen to r5's discography for clear skin thriving crops etc etc. sorry to lovepost about them in your askbox i only have (1) former r5 mutual that i still talk to (a very interesting but long story. she's the gemini bestie) and she will only lovepost about r5 once in a while. feel free to ignore my ask calling cody bellinger hot i was a different person when i wrote it i am now a changed woman. LOVE YOU MWAH - bella but she misses r5

hi hi im going to answer this with minimal thought because im tired but i dont wanna leave this sitting in my inbox forever but for the record all your r5 opinions are valid. ok lets go

1. easy love slaps ive heard it a couple times over the last few days (it played in the car today while i was driving sam n meghna to the airport) and it does fuck i can see why it's your fave

2. i do not know this song

3. A BOP A WHOLE FUCKIN BOP

4. oh i do love repeating days great choice i would have to hear it a few more times to get it in my head but i remember really liking it when i listened to the album it's on

5. also a banger and i'm glad my concert tickets situation made you laugh it made me laugh too imagine being this useless gldskfjgs

6. DARK SIDE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS GIVE IN TO YOUR DARK SIDE YOUR DARK SIDE IIIIIIIII SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT MEEEEE

7. ANOTHER FUCKING BANGER this one is probably among my favorite r5 songs maybe top 5 LOVE ME LEAVE ME LEFT ME NUMB (guitar moment) DID YOU HAVE YOUR FUUUuuuuUUUUUNNNNN i feel the same way about this lyric as you

8. oh shit thats pretty cool i dont know this song tbh i cant remember how it goes i know ive heard it once or twice but. id have to listen to it again so i will keep you posted on that

9. i do not know this one either

10. interesting choice for top ten but i support you, this song fucks and ever since you mentioned it it's been in my subconscious and randomly getting stuck in my head i think i need to listen to it to get it out. it does hit ur right

11. i don't know hurts good or wild hearts or things are looking up or i can't say i'm in love or trading time well enough to say anything about them. but i really like fallin for you it's one of those cheap fun songs but emphasis on fun, and also really like do it again one day ill write a fic based on that song

i have not listened to cool girl i put it on my to listen playlist so hopefully i remember to listen to it soon ill be honest though i dont think im prepared for ross lynch saying motherfucker w his whole chest like i think itll take me out. so. anyway. i hope you got your assignments done. thank you for the r5 lovedump feel free to drop in anytime with more

#this is a love-positive zone #we love love #here on clumsyclifford we support insane obsessions because we also have insane obsessions #ask #cubs anon #anonymous #lol i was telling my dad that i talked to rian and zack but said the most generic things ever #and i was like. i mean there were things that i would have wanted to ask but if i had then they would have known that-- #-- im like super obsessed with them in a kind of creepy way. like i wanted to ask rian what time alex was born #...so we can figure out his rising sign so we can make his star chart #and my dad was like . why would you need that #and i said. you know for funsies #he was like do you think he would even know that #and i said well in our collective opinions we think alex wouldnt know what time he was born but rian and/or jack probably would #and my dad was like its a good thing you didnt ask him that. it would have been creepy. #and i was like I KNOW THATS WHY I DIDNT ASK BECAUSE I KNEW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CREEPY BRO #so anyway #i dont remember why i started telling this story #its 1am im so tired ive had the longest two days ever #i need sleep im going to die #i cant believe classes in two days #end me

[theholyyuunoaduck]

Reasons why i hate mikaela hyakuya

@gurensangel @chaoticgaymess sorry i know you wanted me to repost your post but its easier just starting my own and making my own hashtag so incase anyone else asks me about this i can just look for the hashtag and send them this

Mikaela is honestly one of those characters i desperately and i mean desperatly tried to love i mean his kid self was so so easy to love and want to protect and hell i cried a shit ton for him and his past his problems everything but the reality is mikaela is a toxic person and here im going to be explaining everything as clearly as i can though im sure that everyone has heard most of these arguments i also have some most people wouldnt even consider

Why is mikaela toxic? Well simply said when you have one person and only one then its obviously going to be an underlying mental health issue now you could say other characters are similar to mikaela within that regard like every other vampire but heres the thing we dont get to see much of the other vampires so im more or less apathetic to those vampires and their actions however in accordance to mikaela we have watched his actions since day one and his chemistry with the rest of the cast of owari no seraph what grinds my gears isnt the fact that mikaela acts with violence and distrust towards everyone but the actions that the rest of the cast have taken towards mikaela and his inability to react differently towards those same exact characters aka shinoa squad

Shinoa squad has never once treated mikaela with prejiduce with agendas or anything of ill will since day one the fact that shinoa basically is the cause of death of many of her comrads during the nagoya arc where mikaela attacks the jida troop (and yes it is a troop considering that after reading pannel after pannel theres upwards to 20 soldiers who the majority of which are equiped with standard blades unlike the protagonists you know basically cannon fodder) but my problem is the fact that in that chapter shinoa instigated their betrayal to save mikaela from the rest of the troops shinoa's life was threatned straight after acknowledging that this could be the last she ever layed eyes on yuichiro by letting mikaela escape with him first threatened by a random soldier and then right after rika inoue and by her superior narumi makoto and shinoa the fucking chad she is just took all the punishment because she knows damn well that it is her fault her comrads died because of her distraction to allow mikaela to escape eating away the precious time guren baught his soldiers to run away and escape and how does mikaela respond? He tells yuu to abandon them it doesnt take a genius to say that betrayal especially to the hiragi family is met with death even if mikaela doesnt understand the rules and regulations of human law i doubt vampire law is much different meaning he knows damn well shinoa could lose her life for betraying the army for his sake and not just shinoa but her entire squad

I already know what youll say "but but mikas a vampire he has no emotions" bullshit absolute pure fucking bullshit of an argument considering the fact yoichis mention of the word family/freinds was cause for pause for mikaela and not just mikaela look at ferid look at crowley theyre all so vibrant and brimming with personality and emotion and i am damn well sure no one disagrees this could just be kagami's writing and forgetting about this plotpoint

The fact that despite this mikaela is a manipulative fucker we all know yuu is a dumbass no one can deny this the fact that mikaela is willing to point his sword towards yuichiro and threaten him his so called beloved speaks volumes about mikaelas ego his straight up ego thinking that he's the only one that could be right after all mikaelas the wisest of the bunch right i mean after all everyone of his other decisions was followed through with outstanding results anyone? Anyone? Thats right not once has the squad or especially yuichiro listend to mikaela and do to that fact everyone is alive and kicking examples? (This is also an example of manipulative mika) Mika: Yuu abandon shinoa because if she's as great as you say us sticking around will only cause her trouble you cannot tell me that isnt mikaela trying to twist yuu's feelings for his family to abandon them because had they listened to mikaela shinoa would have been impaled by the chains kureto produced to awaken the seraph of the end

And almost right after that same situation upon mahiru injuring yuu awakening abadon mikaela high tails and runs away carrying yuu and we actually see a pannel of shinoa squad scrambling for saftey straight up abandoning them again and going so far as to yell that he is yuu's only family despite all the other shit

Alright so lets play into the whole mika doesnt have feelings dont you think that having no feelings would make your sense of judgement all the better? And if so with all the evidence and actions of shinoa squad why in Gods blue earth would he basically act like an actual dick towards shinoa who saved his life risked her life for him as if shinoa is the sole reason yuu is in the prediciment of being possessed by yuu?? Isnt that the least bit infuriating??

On next of we shouldnt listen to mikaela in the same arc again mikaela suggests lets leave shinoa squad to face off against crowley AND FERID with this bullshit of "theyre after us theyll just ignore them" i mean are you kidding me? Ferid the man youve been with for 5 years is going to not have the time of his life killing a bunch of teenagers for the simple fact that if yuu is running away and leaving them.they must not be important to him therefore easy pickings for him

Lets not trust guren after all he's just using you he doesnt care the man loves that boy like as if he was his son and you can argue against me with this some time later but alright lets give mika the benifit of the doubt so obviously in mikas infinit wisdom his set course of action is killing him infront of yuichiro??? Really??? In front of him?? Killing his father infront of yuu man that just speaks volumes about how mikaeala only cares about the feeling he gets with yuu rather than carring about yuu as a person

Imo mika cares about how yuu makes him feel rather than who yuichiro is what do i mean by this? Its simple mika doesnt give a damn what makes yuu happy hell mika would cage yuu up if it ment keeping him safe and alive but is that really living? Its cruelty if i adopt a dog feed it and give it water but never play with it and isolate it thats basically animal cruelty

Anyway back to mika trying to kill guren just right there yuu begs mika to stop and grabs his arm pulling him back and what does mika do? What does he do? He lops off yuu's arm the one that was holding mikaela back from attacking what makes this scene even worse is i had so much hope for mikaeala because the last battle they won mikaela said the thoight of losing his.comrads made him dizzy what happened to him not having feelings? I lived loved loved that statement i imagined uncle mika to yuus kids being the best man to yuus wedding begging to be the one to make the wedding cake so so so so so many au's based off those little words and right after removing yuu's limb from him kimizuki and yoichi step up for guren weapons drawn and mikaela threatens them?!?!?! I mean honestly how fucking hypocritical can you be how big is his fucking ego???

Ill end it with this point because i have work in the morning i Still have another 20 bullet points i want to add but im starting to think i have artheritistis in my hand because my fingers hurt so much but anyway my point being mikaelas character contradicts yui's in an unhealthy way while yuu's character trait is to run towards danger to be a hero mikas is to run from danger its basically a tug of war and the thing is the story so far has actually turned out well for the cast running into danger for yuu made the 6th angels trumpet to grow silent destroying all of the four horsemen monsters and letting humanity take a huge step towards rebuilding but had it been mika's way theyd have run right out of that building never to see it again my point is if someone pulls and runs towards something and another character ties a rope to them and runs the other direction that tension will cause nothing but problems instead of running forward with the protagonist in order to keep them safe and actually contribute into the success of the mission

Also like the hashtags say this is only part 1 because as i said i have to sleep and my hand is killing me i should have done this earlier when i had more energy in order to bring along all the sources like the chapter and page where you can find these exact moments along with photos of said arguments/bullet points

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #yuichiro hyakuya #shinoa hiiragi #mikaela shindo #mikaela hyakuya #reasons i hate mikaeal hyakuya part 1

[froggykinz]

aa hello! apologies if you cant do this but-

could i pls have some positivity for me [Xingqiu]? im having a real hard time recently setting boundaries with family and some friends and i feel like i have to bend over backwards just to make them happy,, i really want to change this habit, honestly.

m also struggling with a sense of self, and cant tell if im really me or not at times :( its painful for me to see ppl saying they kin xingqiu bc i actually am him- or i think i am bc of my mental illness and i feel so guilty whenever im selfish or panicking when i see a kinnie

i just want to boldly establish who i am in the world, but ive been this way for so long that i cant think of me being any other way except in my daydreams

and i apologize if this is too long or too much to respond too, feel free to ignore this if im being too much or bothering you

Hello Xingqiu!!

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a hard time, reading what you’ve sent, I can see it’s really hurting you! You don’t deserve to go through any of this at all. 

Boundaries can be hard to set, since we don’t want to seem mean, but I promise you that setting boundaries isn’t a mean thing, and you need them. It’s difficult to ask, but when you can, try and ask someone to stop doing something if it makes you uncomfortable. They’ll surely understand! And if they forget, it isn’t because they don’t care about your boundaries, it’s most likely because they genuinely just forgot! So if they do forget, just remind them again! They won’t be angry with you setting your boundaries, and if they are I don’t believe they are the best people to be around, if I have to be honest. You don’t need to make everyone happy, it’s impossible to actually! So try not to shoot for the impossible, and it’ll surely help you feel better!

Losing your sense of self is super rough! I don’t think your selfish at all for panicking or getting upset when you see someone kinning Xingqiu though. I think the best thing you can do is to try and stay away from people who kin Xingqiu, for your own comfort. I don’t know anything about how to separate yourself from Xingqiu, but maybe listing some differences between the two of you might help! It will show that you aren’t Xingqiu, that you are two different people. Yes, you might have some similarities, but you can still be your own person! I’d recommend researching ways to help your sense of self more, since I’m not a reliable source for this one!

I wish I could help you more, but I do wish you the best of luck!! I believe in you my dear, keep on going! <33

Mod Froggy - Snow White

#Anon #🐸 Request Finished! 🐸 #Positivity

[mother-snake]

thursday

(hahahaha. yeah. this was just meant to be a buch of fluffy snipets. im the worst of the best of the worst. seriously tho. this was done in under 24 hours and im quite pleased on how it turned out.) tags: @idkanameatall

next part- a guide to the other side pt 1

warnings: angst, blood, dismemberment. vilolance. gore. (oops) words:7234

- what starts of as a normal collection of stories turns into a very much so angsty short cause authur cant write anything esle apparently at three in the morning.-

 won't wear makeup on Thursday I'm sick of covering up I'm tired of feeling so broken I'm tired of falling in love

 Janus looked around the imagination he had been wondering around here for hours now. He liked to explore and see if the twins had created anything new for him to travel around. so far it seemed as if nothing had really changed. A few new creatures but that was it.

These expeditions he did come with once small issue. Trying to not get caught. He wasn’t exactly on anyone’s good list at the minuet so if they saw him here the chances of them thinking he was up to something was much higher.

Oh, the joys of being the final dark side. Why did he think that revealing his name would actually let Thomas accept him?

He let out a small chuckle and continued his way forwards. Kicking a small rock in the process.

He smiled as he came across a small clearing. This had been one of the few places that seemed to never change for some reason. The grass was always knee length; the sun hit the land perfect for basking in. there was a small stream that cut down the centre. tall ruins sat either side.

Now what there want normally was the sound of chattering. He paused and hid behind the nearest tree to the edge. he peaked his head around too see the sides. All of them standing looking around nervously. “are you sure he will be here?” “I’m sure, I’ve seen him here every Wednesday for the past month.”

Janus stared from behind the tree. He looked down to what he was wearing. They probably thought he would wear the heavy, black pieces of clothing he normally did.

Instead right now he was in a yellow top, black shorts and Virgil’s old hoodie. A dark grey beanie was there instead of the bowler hat.

He sighed to himself and walked forwards. All their heads turning to him. “next time, don’t watch someone if they’re wanting privacy.” He glared at roman.

They all shifted uncomfortably. “well, I was wondering why you keep coming back to this place of the imagination.” “I’m part snake, I’m sure someone with a single braincell could figure out why.”

Logan seemed to freeze at his words before something seemed to flick in his mind, “snakes tend to bask in the sun due to being cold blooded reptiles.”

I chuckled as he spoke, sounding almost like an exited puppy, “indeed Logan. Indeed.”

I walked past them, ignoring the looks I was being given. “cold blooded?” Patton asked. “basically, his blood slows quicker than ours in the cold due to us being warm blooded. Without some source of heat in cold weather he can easily become lethargic.”

The others looked at Logan and then back at Janus who had begun to start climbing the ‘old’ ruins. Thoughts turned in their heads. “well…since were here we might as well enjoy the place? Right.” Patton said smiling. “very well,” Logan began, “but I suggest doing something quiet.” He said point up to Janus who was now at one of the highest places on the ruins facing the sun. they all smiled, Virgil and roman trying to keep theirs hidden. They hadn’t seen him looking so peaceful before.

Sometimes I'm shy and I'm anxious Sometimes I'm down on my knees Sometimes I try to embrace All my insecurities

 It had been a week since then. And something he had quickly realised was that the mind palace had felt a lot warmer. He was both confused and mildly thankful for due to the autumn weather settling around.

It had been around a month since he had been accepted by Thomas, meaning the dark sides were no more. It didn’t stop him getting upset when the others compared him to villains in shows or bringing up his scales.

On this particular day, he hadn’t been in the best mood. Sleep still having a grasp on him, but he needed to get things done. So, he sat in his room. With Christmas a couple months away, Thomas was hoping to be able to get an idea of what his friends wanted by secretly asking questions. the cold had slowly seeped into his room.

So right now, he was wrapped up in several thick blankets in the corner of his room underneath is heat lamp. A notebook and pen in hand. Nothing had been written, and he needed to get something down soon.

He growled down at the notebook and flung it across the room. Pulling the blankets further up and leaning against the wall in his fluffy burrito. The nest of blankets and pillows surrounding him like a hug.

It had been the knock on the door that made him realise he had fallen asleep. “come in,” he said. Barely audible.

He looked up to see a blurry person peaking their head in the door. He was able to tell who it was easily though. “good morning Patton,” he rubbed his eyes and let out a yawn. “I think you mean afternoon. I brought you dinner.”

Patton made his way over to the other and placed the plate down on the desk opposite the pile of comfort. Not even realising he had relaxed at the heat that was coming form the lamp.

“evening? But it was barely the morning when I woke up.” Janus said looking down at the note book that lay at the other end of the room. Still where it laded after being thrown. “sometimes its good to take breaks kiddo. You can’t overwork yourself and expect anything to happen. When was the last time you slept?” Patton said looking at the almost black bags under the deceitful eyes, rivalling Virgil’s eyeshadow.

“um… Tuesday I think?” “that was three days ago kiddo!” Patton exasperated.

The other looked down guiltily. Tucking himself under the blankets. Hiding from the disappointed dad look. he heard a small sigh, “common kiddo. Eat and the go back to sleep. Ill send someone to check on you later? Okay.”

I gave a nod and looked up to see him smiling. He moved the plate of food closer and ruffled my hair before leaving.

Eating the plate of food quickly, Janus wrapped himself into a cocoon and closed his eyes. The soft hum o the lamp lulling him into a peaceful slumber.

And if Remus came in later to check on the other, only to see him in the pile of blankets lightly snoring. He didn’t say anything, just picking the plate up, summoning another couple blanket’s and adding them to the pile before leaving with a wild grin on his face.

So I won't wear makeup on Thursday 'Cause who I am is enough

 He was pacing back and forth in the commons. Several thoughts had begun to run through his head. He had been pretty calm this morning about what was happening, but now he was beginning to have second thoughts… he wasn’t surprised when Virgil walked into the room to see him almost drilling a line in the floor from how long he had been walking back and forth muttering.

“you okay dee?” he muttered.

Janus snapped his head up, “fine, dandy, perfect,” he hissed before going back to pacing back and forth.

Virgil looked at Janus worriedly. It had been his nervousness that had led the other down. Several thoughts went through his head before he sighed and walked up the stairs and knocked on the obnoxious red and green pained door.

The door burst open revealing a very colourfully painted roman. Half of his usual attire bursting with colours of paint. Even his face was smothered with colour. Virgil snickered for a couple seconds. “may I ask why you are here brad pitiful?” “I’m here for Remus,” he deadpanned at the other.

Upon hearing his name Remus seemingly apparated behind roman. He too was covered in paint. “what do you need emo?” “Janus is overthinking something again and I’m not handling this. I’m grabbing Logan as well.”

“why us” “you’re all dating. He’s your boyfriend. And anyway, he looks like he could use a hug.”

Quickly snapping his fingers so that the paint was removed from his clothing, Remus raced down the hall and flung himself down the stairs the couple of thuds indicating where he had begun to roll down.

He moved his feet over to Logan’s door, knocking lighter, knowing the other would hear it over whatever he was doing. the door opened revealing the logical side still in his unicorn onesie despite it almost being lunch. “go comfort your boyfriend. He’s overthinking again. I’m not dealing with this one.”

Quickly snapping his fingers, he changed into his normal outfit. But what surprised Virgil was the thin hoodie that also appeared. It was in Logan’s navy colour. as he walked down the hall and stairs, he saw the enlarged emblem on the back. He grinned to himself. Hoodie buddies.

 When Logan arrived down the stairs, he saw Remus hugging Janus with his vice like grips and extra limbs in the form of the tentacles. He chuckled at them and made his way forwards to join the hug.

“is there room for another?” the other two nodded and he took the hoodie of placing it neatly on a chair. two black wings sprouting from his back.

The two sides hugged onto his sides and he used his wings like blankets as they hugged on the floor, using the sofa as back support.   he smiled as he saw both of them slowly falling asleep, clinging onto his side. And there are many things that I could change so slightly But why would I succumb to something so unlike me I was always taught to just be myself Don't change for anyone

 Janus sat in the kitchen with Logan. It was around one in the morning; Remus had fallen asleep snoring loudly on the floor next to them.

It was that time of week where Janus would help Logan preen his wings. they were beautiful to Janus. A pretty colour of black, however the closer you got, you could tell the bottom feathers were just a very dark shade of blue. he wasn’t sure how long the other had had the wings for, but apparently the others didn’t know.

As they were finishing the right wing, he could hear a gasp and Logan cussing, causing him to looked up to see Patton standing there with wide eyes.

They stayed still and quiet. Other than Remus snoring away that was.

“well… this at least explains the hoodie.” Patton mumbled looking at Logan’s wings with curiosity. Logan just stared at the place Patton had been standing. The moral side had move over to the coubard and pulled out a glass.

“you’re not scared?” Logan asked looking at the other. “of course not!” Patton exclaimed, “look,” he lifted his onesie sleeve to reveal patches of green skin. “I’ve had these frog patches for years,” he began, “I was going to bring them up soon, but then didn’t say anything due to the Lilly Patton event that went down.”

Patton moved around them with a glass of water in hand. He quickly ruffled Logan’s hair, “if you think I don’t love your wings then you’d be incredibly wrong.”

  After the incident, Logan had decided to stop hiding his wings as often. So that morning he had tied his soft hoodie around his waist, letting the wings stay out instead of covering them.

He quickly grabbed his glasses and the book that Remus had suggested to him. ‘the maze runner’ printed with a simple lettering on the front. so far, he had found it quite enjoyable and was thinking about asking for the rest of the series.

It was when he felt the tug n the air did, he has second thoughts about keeping his wings out. Too late now he supposed.

When he arrived, everything fell silent almost immediately. All eyes on him and his wings. He shifted nervously, slipping on the glasses so that he could see a bit better.

Much too his unfortunate luck, neither of his boyfriends were there. Nor was Virgil. “so, since when did specs have wings?” roman asked looking between Logan and the wings that sat behind the other.

“id rather not discuss that just now,” Logan said avoiding their gazes, “can we just get to the matter at hand. Thomas, can you fill me in?”

I wanna laugh, I don't wanna cry Don't want these tears inside my eyes, yeah Don't wanna wake up and feel insecure I wanna sing, I wanna dance I wanna feel love inside my hands again I just wanna feel beautiful

 Janus woke to screaming. He didn’t know where it had come from until he looked over to see Remus thrashing around in his sleep. any sleep left in himself immediately went away. He reached over to the other. “Remus! Remus listen to me! I’m right here.”

The others eyes snapped open, inky black pools caused Janus to back away as quickly as possible. Remus was silent, panting to get his breath back.

Janus backed away as best as possible. Remus may have been a dark side. But their abilities didn’t just disappear. For example; when feeling threatened their eyes could turn into black abyss and their powers turned on tenfold.

Thomas was most likely going to suffer from a nightmare tonight.

Deeming himself far enough he looked at the other with worry, “Remus, sweetie, calm down, you’re okay. You’re here with me, Janus.”

Remus blinked once and twice. The black in his eyes seeping out in the form of tears. The green normal eyes coming back.

“Jannie?” Remus whispered so quietly that it was almost inaudible. “I’m here, I’m going to come closer, okay?”

Remus gave a small nod, keeping his eyes locked on Janus as he edged his way forwards.

As soon as he reached Remus’s side he was pulled into a crushing hug, but immediately hugged back despite the slight pain. they stayed like that for a while longer when there was a knock on the door. the door slowly creaked open to reveal Virgil, Janus quickly ushered him in. Logan peaked his head in as well and made his way forwards to the group. Virgil and Janus seemed to have a mental conversation between themselves.

“Remus, was it him.”

Logan looked at Janus, hoping he would explain. That was shut off as soon as Remus froze still. It seemed as if that was all that needed to be said.

“Logan. You’re coming with me. We need to get everyone in here now.” He spoke quickly, summoning his crook.

A flash of purple later and Virgil handed Janus a small dagger, “stay safe. Were going to need you in one piece for this. Okay.”

Logan stood up frustrated, “were not doing something until you explain what is happening!” he almost yelled.

Virgil nodded slowly to Janus. “you called us dark sides. You called us evil once upon a time. There’s a reason we all hated being called the villain.” He paused looking Logan dead in the eyes, sending a chill down his spine, “but you didn’t know that there was something far worse than us.” “what, what was worse?” “the nightmares. The darkest parts of Thomas that me and Virgil have kept hidden. And for good reason. Now one of them is loose.”

Logan’s eyes went wide. Processing all that was said. A blue flash and a shield in Logan’s arms. A small snapping sound and a couple gears filled the air for a couple seconds before the shield turned into a crossbow.

Logan quickly loaded it before nodding and following Janus out of the room. Oh-oh-oh, oh ah Oh-oh-oh, oh ah Oh-oh-oh, I just wanna feel beautiful

 He realised how much trouble they were in quickly. As soon as they left the room the hall was filled with a small orange mist that blanketed the hall, hiding his feet. the once white walls were covered in black vines, sprouting orange flowers that seemed to be the source of mist, acting like waterfalls.

Patton’s door was the furthest. A growl filled their ears. “shit,” Janus whispered rushing to Patton’s door. Banging as hard as possible to wake the other.

He could hear shifting, but the sound of the guttural growl was growing closer, his dread began to spike. Logan was behind him, keeping the crossbow locked where the noise was coming from.

Patton opened his door and rubbed sleep out of his eyes, “Janus what are you doing up so early?” he looked behind the other to see Logan. And then the hall itself. “I don’t have much time to explain. But I need you to get into my room. Virgil and Remus will explain.”

He gave a quick nod before he heard the growl and freezing. “go!” he whispered harshly.

They slowly backed away, making their way to romans room. They could hear Patton entering Janus’s room and shutting the door behind.

Two orange eyes appeared from the blackness of the end of the hall. Janus knocked on the door. The eyes following his every move, glaring at him with malice no one could ever replicate.

“Remus what- “he paused as he saw Janus, “may I ask why you’re up at this ungodly hour.” “go into my room, the others will explain. But right now, you’re in danger.” “I can defend myself.” He said summoning his sword in a flash of red.

The growl appeared again. Romans face paled. “go to my room and stay there. Understand?”

Roman nodded and left down the hall, “you too sweet heart,” Janus stared keeping his eyes on the black abyss. “no. I’m not leaving you here.”

Janus turned to Logan with eyes filled with guilt. As soon as Logan looked into his own, his eyes flashed yellow. “forgive me my crow, but I need you to go into my room and wait half an hour then snap out of this,”

Logan turned and walked into the room.

The creature growled staring at Janus. “its just us two now wrath. Just. Us.” Janus growled, bringing out his extra limbs, his canines becoming fangs. Eyes becoming black pools of ink. His scales either turning black or glowing a beautiful deadly shade of yellow

“how about a dance,” he growled animalistically, baring his fangs further before rushing towards the mist.

I wear my sweat pants on Thursday And I'll drink sloe gin from a can I'll build my own independence I don't always need a man You know sometimes I feel lonely Could do with the company

 Virgil sighed as Patton entered the room. smiled when roman came in. and panicked when Logan came in, eyes glowing yellow in the dark. The door audibly clicking behind.

He stood up and pounded on the door. “JANUS OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR!” he pounded even more. his panic only grew until he was throwing his entire weight on the door. It didn’t budge.

He gasped for breath. Tears falling from his eyes. “Virgil?” Patton rested an arm on his shoulder. “he’s going to die…he’s going to die…” he mumbled over and over again, pressing his hands on his hears.

“listen emo, we need to know what’s going on. Please explain.” Roman said as calmly as possible. “that’s wrath. He’s…” Virgil’s voice cracked, “it’s easier if I’m to show you, just. Please don’t scream?”

Patton and roman nodded. Logan stood stoic looking at the wall. He was under Janus’s control. There was nothing they could do until he snapped out.

Virgil removed his hoodie placing it on the end of Janus’s bed where Remus was sleeping away his exhaustion.

He let out as sigh as he felt the extra limbs appear on his back, the eyes that he had hidden snapped open. Two purple glowing eyes above the ones that were already there, spider legs on his back.

They gasped as they looked on. Where six spider legs should have been were three. Two missing on the left and one on the right. “he was merciless when we first fought. We barely contained him together. Let alone by ourselves.”

He could feel the stumps on his back. The phantom pain of them being sapped like twigs radiated faintly. “can’t you just regenerate?” roman asked looking in curiosity. “no. if it was Remus who did it. I could. But those…things, that creature. Wrath? If he hurts you, Thomas’s mind acts as if it was an injury on any normal person.”

Logan gasped as the yellow of his eyes began to flicker and fade. “nononono- “Logan muttered as he realised where he was. His time perception being clear as day, “he’s hurt, he need help,”

He walked over to the door. Virgil rushed over and stopped Logan. The other turned around with tears in his eyes. “we can’t do anything yet. We need to recuperate as much as I want to go out there and help Janus. We can’t. Not until Remus is awake.”

Logan broke down into tears. Virgil held onto him tightly as possible, wrapping his extra limbs around the other. “ I know, I’m scared or him too. I freaked when I didn’t see him come in behind you, but if I had broken down the door. We would be caught off guard and I could have gotten everyone here hurt.” “half an hour, he said to wait that long before snapping. He’s hurt. I should still be in his control,” he sobbed into the others shoulder, grasping on like it was a lifeline, “my sunflower could be de- “

“no. no we can’t think that far,” Patton cut him off. “but we can still plan.” Roman continued, “Virgil, any ideas?”

Oh, I get high when I'm down But you know that's alright with me So I will do nothing on Thursday Sit alone and be

Cold… pure cold was the first thing Janus felt upon waking. The pain. Searing pain coming from his human eye. He began to choke as he took a breath in.

He sat up and coughed into his hand, blood spluttering out as he did so. Then came the realisation that as he looked down, he couldn’t see out of his eye. he was flooded with fear, cold and pain. He shivered. Feeling his shirt sticking to his back, stuck by drying blood. the metallic taste and smell filled his other senses.

 He was aware of footsteps walking towards him. He tried to stand up. but as soon as he was barely off the floor, he collapsed back down onto his knees. Any energy he had before he was dragged here had depleted. his ribs began to ache. Everything was growing heavy, like lead chains had been placed on every muscle.

“well…well…well… the snake is awake,” the voice froze every piece of his being. he didn’t respond. Just staring at the person who was crouched down several feet in front of him. a black lab coat, his skin was pale and cracked. No eyes, but flowers blooming from his eye sockets. A surgical mask covered his mouth, orange gas leaking out the sides.

A white button up smeared with blood. Black sleek shoes matched his ripped jeans.

Janus stared at the figure. The form had been one that could make any shiver under its gaze.

He walked forwards, a small shiny object in hand. Janus’s eye widened and he pushed himself backwards.

He let out a scream.

And there are many things that I could change so slightly But why would I succumb to something so unlike me I was always taught to just be myself Don't change for anyone

 They had been looking in the misty halls for two days. It had been a fruitless endeavour so far. They tracked onwards still… Logan hadn’t said a word since… Patton and roman clung to one another… Remus began muttering ways they could kill wrath under is breath… Virgil… he tried his best to sense the others fear. But nothing had appeared so far. So, there was no clear direction of where they could go.

So, when he felt it. The overwhelming terror… he froze like ice. “Virgil? What is it! Is he okay?” “n…no… we need to hurry. I can’t track it. Whatever has him. His fear is overwhelming. I can’t trace it.”

Logan nodded and began to speed up in the direction they were going. Remus jogged over and took his free hand. His mace ready to strike anything that could potentially be there to hurt them.

A small light came into view. They looked between one another and rushed forwards.

Gods they wished they were ready to see what they did. A clear glass jar… a familiar brown eye with yellow pigments…

The level of threat they were faced against set into them quicker than lightning turning sand to glass.

Virgil paled. Not because of the eye. His vision became blurry and he grabbed onto his ears gasping in pain. he could hear the scream. He could hear Janus’s fear echoing everywhere.

And he blacked out.

 Logan was the first to look over to Virgil, he was gasping in pain. Covering his ears and whimpering. Something was wrong with sunflower… worse than what the eye could show…

Then he stopped shaking. His limbs slinking down to his side, he pushed himself of the ground. Limbs moving in an eerie way, like a puppet on a string.

His eyes widened as he saw the inky blackness of Virgil’s eyes. His teeth becoming long and sharp. His spider legs grew tenfold… the gaps where the others should have been, phantom ones, in a purple glow replaced them.

Patton reached his hand out. Only to be stopped by one of Remus’s tentacles. “to put it simply, he’s snapped. Whatever pain Janus is in has caused his mind to shut down and his animalistic senses have taken over. His pain was too much, so we should also prepare for whatever state we see janny in. okay?”

 Virgil began to move, walking further and further; he used his spider legs instead of his normal. they followed. If he was following Janus’s fear then they could find him quickly.

It was when he broke out into a run that things got hard. Patton couldn’t go on for very much longer, roman stayed with him for protection.

Logan grabbed Remus and let his wings out. And soon they were keeping up with Virgil. I wanna laugh, I don't wanna cry Don't want these tears inside my eyes, yeah Don't wanna wake up and feel insecure I wanna sing, I wanna dance I wanna feel love inside my hands again I just wanna feel beautiful

 He wanted it to stop. the searing pain was too much. wrath had left already, taking one of Janus’s legs with him. Crudely cut and to never grow back. he cried, he cried out of pain… he cried out of loneliness and his own stupidity. the sound of the quiet was deafening. He didn’t know if it had been taken from him too… he wanted to scream. He to scream so loud that his vocal cords burst. He wanted to be warm

To bask in the sun in the imagination. to have Patton worry about him. to bicker back and forth with roman. to sing loud music with Virgil …to kiss his boyfriends on the lips…

Would he be able to do any of that again? Would he be able to say that he loved them all…?

Would he survive? He would push himself to do so. If not for him. Then for his ivy and bluebell… god he would survive for them…

A small fire lit in heart. He just hoped his fear didn’t extinguish it… Oh-oh-oh, oh ah Oh-oh-oh, oh ah Oh-oh-oh, I just wanna feel beautiful Oh-oh-oh, oh ah Oh-oh-oh, oh ah Oh-oh-oh, I just wanna feel beautiful

 When Virgil stopped, he seemed to look around the area sporadically. they landed not too far from him. Making their way over. The metallic smell filling their noses. And they knew exactly where it was coming from. blood splattered almost everywhere. A couple shoe prints and a streak of blood following…as if… Logan and Remus held each other closer. Virgil turned to face them; he could sense their fear. It was light but enough to know that they were worried. He could keep track of them. But right now, he needed to find that bastard and turn him into spider food.

 They followed the track to a cage. Orange and glowing. but that hadn’t been the first thing they had seen… no. it was the person sitting on a vine throne, the orange flowers producing the smoke…

They each got ready to attack the side- no… monster in front of them.

“ah, it seems I didn’t hide the soon to be corpse as well as id hoped,” wrath sighed staring at them.

He stood up and walked behind the throne. Logan ever so slightly lowered his crossbow as his eyes widened in pure shock and horror. A clearly severed leg laid in wraths hand. Patches of scales confirmed his suspicions.

He raised the crossbow and began to aim. “ah…so you must be logic? Am I right?” wrath began, “I must admit its been a long time since I’ve seen you, Virgil and Remus… all four of us together. Just like old times eh?”

Logan fired the trigger, the arrow pierced through into wraths arm. He let out a hiss of pain.

“shut up with the villain’s monologue. They aren’t like you. They can show compassion. You… you’re just insane.” He growled, watching a glowing bolt load itself into his bow.

He aimed again and fired. This time wrath was able to avoid, seeing as he knew it was coming. but when wrath turned back. One of them wasn’t there.

He turned around, only to get a spider leg jabbed side, taking it open like a knife through air.

Remus watched as wrath tore his medical mask off and let the orange mist consume his body, the gas slowly became a black liquid. As it rose, they backed off as best as they could.

A pair of glowing orange eyes stared at them from the abyss…

The black abyss lunged at them. they snapped out the way, splitting and running in every direction they could. Avoiding the black sludge that slammed behind them. Wrath let out a roar so loud the room seemed to shake.

Logan spread his wings and took to the sky, catching a glimpse of what lay inside the cage and paling as he did so. He needed to get Janus out of there. Fast if he were to survive.

He dived down towards the sludge, kicking with his feet. The beats roared and sent a ball of black sludge towards him. He narrowly dodged it before another one came sailing past. Just clipping the end of his feathers.

“he in there!” Logan yelled, catching the others attention. they gave a quick nod in response.

Remus focused on trying to get to the thing’s eyes. Blinding him would give them an advantage. Virgil was keeping busy, stabbing any sludge that got to close.

 The sound of running caught their attention, turning around to see Patton and roman. it didn’t take either too long to realise what was happening. roman quickly summoned his sword and made his way over to his brother as quickly as possible.

Patton stared for a couple seconds before he felt his body shifting into lily-Patton. he rushed over and began to help Virgil.

With the four of them keeping wrath busy, Logan had a clear shot to get to the cage. he avoided the occasional attack on him, twirling and diving to avoid any rouge projectiles.

He landed at the edge of the cage and slipped into the far too wide bars. he rushed over to Janus and scooped him into his arms. Quickly looking over to check that there weren’t more major injuries. And other than the scratches on his back and possibly broken ribs. There wasn’t anything more than a couple bruises and tiny scrapes.

Lifting him up and keeping him close as possible, he dove out of the cage and glided as best as he could down to the others.

Remus turned to face Logan as he saw the other with the familiar figure in his arms. His own face paling as he saw just how bad Janus looked. anger filled his veins and he began to spew every way he was going to kill wrath.

His eyes turning into their own inky abyss. The tentacles on his back grew further until they were w=twice the length they had previously been. His teeth becoming sharp like rows upon rows of toothpicks.

An unholy screech ripped from his throat. Everything seemed to freeze for everyone in that moment as he ran and using the tentacles pushing himself into the air and throwing himself into the black abyss of what was wrath.

Wrath let out a howl of pain, neon green tentacles shot out of his inky body. Ripping through it like paper before a figure was flung out. Not Remus’s but wrath.

He fell to the ground, limp as a ragdoll. The inky body dissipated into an orange smoke, rising up to the sky.

Wrath groaned and stood up. snapping his arm back into place he cackled wildly looking at them. The flowers in his eye sockets looked completely battered.

“do you honestly thing you can defeat me- “he stopped and looked down. There by his feet, biting into his leg was what looked like a snake.

Logan turned to look at Janus. His scales glowing a beautiful yellow.

He mumbled something almost inaudibly, but whatever it was, it heard him and I slithered away. and then from behind wrath, two yellow eyes lit up the area, he turned around and couldn’t even let out a noise or move before the snake, almost the size of a house, the length seemed to go on forever, bit down. Snapping like a turtle. And like that wrath was gone.

They all held their breath as it slithered away… then turning to Janus who was mumbling deliriously under his breath.

The black in the room fading away to a pure white. The blood that was forming around Janus becoming slowly bigger.

I won't wear makeup on Thursday 'Cause who I am is enough

Virgil’s and Remus looked at one another letting a couple of bizarre noises out before the black inkiness of their eyes finally becoming their normal, green and purples.

“what… what happened?” Virgil groaned as he rubbed his temples. A headache slowly coming on. “we need to get Janus help. Now.” Logan said. Remus looked down to his boyfriend and immediately scooped him up in his arms.

He looked at the others and began to make their way as quickly as possible towards the direction they had come from.

 Janus melted into the warmth… he was in the arms of someone… but he knew the warm loving touch… he could hear people talking around him. he whimpered as they lifted him up… and then his vision went black.

 They all sat in Logan’s room. Janus was resting on his bed. Bandages covered his eyes. blood no longer covered his hair or face. He was sleeping peacefully. Everyone in the room hadn’t spoken a word since they patched him up as best as they could before dealing with any injury’s they may have sustained. “Virgil, Remus can I ask you something?” Patton muttered. “yeah, what do you need pops?” Remus responded. “are there more…sides like wrath?” Patton saw the flinch from Virgil, “please be honest. If we know, we can prepare in case something like this is to happen again.”

“two. There are two more,” Virgil blurted out. “who are they?” roman asked. “depression and repression.”

Logan, Patton and roman looked between each other. “thank you for telling us,” Logan weakly smiled.

They would wait to deal with any of that for now.

 He woke up on something soft. Several blankets wrapped around him. His breathing was more even he found which was something he was very much so thankful for. “sunflower? Can you hear me?” a voice spoke, filtering through something that covered his… why was something on his face? where was he… what happened? “bluebell… what happened? Why can I see?” he could feel the other freeze at his side. Logan knew he couldn’t say anything false. So, he decided the truth would be best. “wrath. He…got you.” Janus could feel things snapping in place in his mind. “he’s…gone?” “for good. No longer a person. Only a figment.” Logan said.

Janus laughed but stopped as he entered a coughing fit. Pain racked over his chest. Wheezing when it finally came to a stop. “how long was I out for lo?” Jan asked a he laid back “…three weeks…were not sure how much longer we can hide this from Thomas.”

Janus stayed quiet. He turned his head to face where I thought Logan was, “can…can you gather the others and Thomas? I want to know their okay.” “but you still need to recover more.” “please, Logan please. I need to know the other are alive.”

He felt the other run a hand in his hair, “okay. Just sleep for now. Ill wake you up when I’ve gathered them.” I wanna laugh, I don't wanna cry Don't want these tears inside my eyes, yeah Don't wanna wake up and feel insecure I wanna sing, I wanna dance I wanna feel love inside my hands again I just wanna feel beautiful

Logan looked down at his sunflower. Bandages covered his eyes, his scales shifting from black to yellow. the sheet that covered him showed the dent where his leg should have been… he sighed to himself and stood up. the others would be exited to know he was awake for a while.

The corridor had restored itself back to normal. It had taken a week though. Logan wondered down to the commons. There in a pile watching another Disney movie was everyone piled up together. Patton turned around and caught Logan coming closer. “is something wrong with Janus?” “no… he actually woke up.” A sigh of relief swept through the room. Each one of them seemed to visibly relax. “but, he wants to see everyone. Including Thomas.”

They all froze. Looking back and forth between one another. “we can’t hide this. If it was one of his extra limbs that wasn’t there, we could hide it. But were talking about his missing eye and leg. He will want to know what happened.” “we just say that a side he didn’t know about went nuts?” “no, he may still want to meet the side. If that happens then he could potentially come back.”

“how about we just say that stuff went down and, in the end, we came out alive and were okay?” everyone seemed to ponder Virgil’s words before nodding.

 Logan appeared in Thomas’s living room in his place by the stairs. Thomas looked over from where he was standing. His eyes went wide as he saw the state the other side was in. hair flung practically everywhere and his tie looser than normal. “Logan are you, all right?” he asked worriedly. “Janus wants to see you. Were all going to be out here in a couple minutes. And I need to say, you will have lots of questions. But its best you don’t know the truth just yet.” He sighed. “why?” Thomas asked. “if you were to know, the danger could come back.”

Thomas nodded. Knowing he couldn’t push further just yet. Logan looked like… well… he had seen dumpster fires that looked better.

Logan sighed before sinking down.

And just as he said, a couple minuets later they stared to pop up in their places. roman and Remus by the tv, Patton by the window and Virgil by the stairs.

The Logan appeared with Janus and he stared in horror. Bandages covered the deceitful sides eyes. He was barely standing as he clung onto Logan, the stump of his leg was still wrapped neatly, looking as if it was done by a professional.

“Janus?” Thomas muttered looking over at the side with so much emotion. “Thomas? Is that you?” he muttered back. “yeah, I’m here buddy, so is everyone else. I’m not sure what happened. But know that were all okay.” Janus seemed to relax into Logan upon hearing everyone was okay. “yeah were okay sunflower” Remus said with as much happiness as he could muster. “were safe,” Virgil said looking up at the other.

“wish I could see you guys,” Janus muttered into Logan’s shoulder. “wait a while longer okay? We’ll still be here. We promise.” Paton said looking at the other with guilt ridden eyes.

A light snoring noise caused everyone to chuckle as they realised that Janus had fallen asleep. Logan moved the other and picked him up bridal style. “I’ll take him back to his room to rest for a while.” “I’ll come too,” Remus said as he sunk out along with the other two.

Virgil rested his head on the staircase banister small tears pouring out of his eyes in relief. Patton looked down to his shoes. roman walked over to Patton and wrapped him in a hug.

Thomas just stared at where Janus was. The image of the other burned into his retina and brain. “what… what did that to him?” he whispered.

He didn’t get a response. he turned around and sat on the couch. Rubbing his temple. He looked around to see his sides barely keeping themselves together. whatever did that to Janus… was it apart of him? “was it a side…” Thomas muttered. the others froze and turned to face him. “we can’t confirm. If we did it may come back. Just know that it is gone.”

Thomas nodded and walked over to the stairs and sat next to Virgil.

Oh-oh-oh, oh ah Oh-oh-oh, oh ah Oh-oh-oh, I just wanna feel beautiful Oh-oh-oh, oh ah Oh-oh-oh, oh ah Oh-oh-oh, I just wanna feel beautiful

It was December before things went remotely back to normal both in the mind palace and the real world. Janus had the bandages removed around two months ago. His cat eye looked around the now festive looking house. His shepherds crook helping him keep balance along with the prosthetic made by Logan and Remus helped him stand and walk.

He could feel the feeling in the air and followed it to Thomas in the living room. “you okay for doing some filming today? We’re doing a Christmas special with everyone.” Patton asked excitedly.

Janus smiled Widley. A pure warmth coming from inside. “I would very much like to. Logan, Remus and I also have an announcement for the video as well,”

His hand behind his back fiddled with a small golden band that rested on a finger.

 “what’s up everybody!” Thomas began…

Yeah… they were going to be okay for now. He smiled joyfuly over to the camera.

#Janus sanders #Roman sanders #Sander sides #thomas sanders #Virgil sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #janus angst #logan angst #gore warning #blood #dismemberment #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #vilolance #lots of angst #enjoy this peice of trash! #i need an impulse control #i want a nap but im not going to take one #i did this in under 24 hours and im close to loosing my shit #my impulse control is my girlfriend

[painfog]

Hey so I saw you mention top surgery and was curious. I was supposed to be having top surgery this summer but that’s postponed. I was curious how that went with chronic pain? I’m scared about the surgical binder with my fibro and back pain. Any advice or info would be greatly appreciated!! (You can answer privately if you prefer)

ive actually been meaning to write up a big post on this pretty much since i had top surgery but still haven't got around to it yet so I'm happy to talk about it lol. ill go over stuff now n still aim to do a more in depth post later when im on my laptop (but writing this now bc i tend to forget everything haha). ill stick to the more fibro / chronic illness specific stuff & stuff i wasnt expecting rather than rehashing everything. apologies im on mobile so i cant put this under a cut

firstly, im sorry ur surgery got postponed! i know that must be gutting, so i hope it gets rescheduled asap & the time until then passes easily for u ❤️

I had double incision with free nipple grafts on the 4th of september 2019 with Mr Miles Berry at the london wellbeck hospital. i think he did an amazing job and can't recommend him enough for his work! i think the last pics i took of my chest were for tdov, and ill rb them after i post this for reference. i didnt have drains at any point of the surgery

for ppl with fibro, i was told that the pain after surgery either tends to trigger a flareup, or be really easily manageable, and it's hard to predict which it will be beforehand. its best to prepare for a flareup and be pleasently surprised if u dont get one. for me, i had a flareup that sucked but wasnt too bad as far as flareups go

you'll probably get given painkillers. take them regularly. it's easier to treat pain preemptively. if u don't get given them (no idea how it works outside of the uk) id say def get codine and paracetamol. u can't take ibuprofen for a while

i woke up from aneasthetic freezing cold + in a lot of pain. apparently most ppl dont need the full dose of morphine, but i did. after that it was a bit better. i was just So Goddamn Hungry literally it's all i was talking about

that night in hospital was probably one of the most uncomfortable in my life. you have to sleep sitting up for like blood reasons, so my back pain was quite bad bc of it. moving around a bit and adjusting pillows helped. if u have anything that normally helps ur back pain bring it with u to the hospital, & dont be afraid to ask the nurses for help with it (even if they can just adjust ur pillows for u). i couldnt rly sleep much but distraction helps. bring ur phone + headphones. i did a few ask memes when i couldnt sleep

the first week from surgery was rly tough, the first few days especially. this was bc i still had to sleep elevated for a few days and i couldnt get comfortable. i was too exhausted to do anything but couldn't sleep and it rly started to get me down. then i got some sleeping tablets (just nytol) and that helped so much. i literally cannot recommend it enough bc the not sleeping properly made everything hard (and like esp because with fibro the whole pain/fatigue/depression cycle is so real). once i started sleeping better recovery became a lot easier, and the tablets made the awkward sleeping positions more manageable. if i had to give only one bit of advice this would be it

on that note, ik everyone says this but do get a V pillow. it helps u adjust to sleeping on ur back and if u sleep on ur side normally it means u can like lean slightly sideways on it which makes it sm easier. also this isn't even top related but they make good back pillows when ur watching stuff in bed even now

get urself some video games (if ur into them) and easy entertainment shows lined up for when u wanna have them. recovering from major surgery makes ur fatigue even more pronounced so ur not going to be able to do all that much, but having light entertainment ready to go stops u getting as bored. its also a good excuse to finally play/watch the things you've been meaning to for a while

go outside when u can. if u have a garden just walk around it. it helps with a lot of stuff, and idk about u but i always forget how much it does. even just helping u sleep better if u get trapped in a fibro fatigued-but-can't-sleep cycle. and it goes so far helping u feel human in the first week

the first week is rly hard for a lot of ppl - its frustrating to have all that pain and exhaustion and not being able to wash or change the binder, and with the swelling and bandages under the binder it doesn't really feel like there's much change, which all sort of adds together. i keep going on about this week bc it helps to mentally prepare for it - there's no need to dread it, you just need to remind urself how worth it itll all be and that the rest of recovery is a lot better than the first part, and in time it won't have seemed that bad. big picture stuff

when u get the chest reveal, everything's better. i didnt stop smiling. and when u put the post op binder on afterwards, without all the bandaging, u like feel for the first time how much flatter u are??? and its amazing. even with the swelling. and then u get to shower and u feel human again and its great. (ik some ppl have their post ops/chest reveals much earlier than a week, but 5 days to a week is pretty standard in the uk. mine was 6 days i think)

more post op binder stuff: i got given 2. the first one i woke up in after the surgery and wasn't allowed to take off until my post op, and the second one i got given at my post op to change into after i showered. After that i alternated every few days. whatever u get given, if u get less than 2 i recommend getting another one so u can alternate them (if u want help sourcing them hmu. ive also still got mine i need to give away)

the post op binders were actually a lot easier to wear full time than normal binders. they were like more stretchy, and stretchy the full way round (bc they dont have the compression bit at the front). i used to sleep in my normal binder every time i slept with my ex, and that hurt like a motherfuck sometimes. the post op binder was much kinder to my ribs

i had to wear the post op binder full time, taking it off like once a day to shower n let my chest breathe (and massage my scars once i started that). some surgeons arent that strict abt wearing it that long, but it really helps swelling, & bc i didnt have drains it was rly important to stop fluid buildup. ik quite a few guys in my trans groups who stopped wearing their binder fairly early and then got quite a lot of swelling so i didn't want to risk it & i wore it for the full 6 weeks. at some point (icr when but maybe at 6 weeks? bc my post op was at 8 weeks bc he was on holiday) i didnt wear it during the day and only wore it at night

all in all the binder didnt bother me that much. it was more comfortable than my regular binders and i just kinda got on with it. it was annoying tho and i was glad when i could stop wearing it. for me the most annoying part was that it was a full length binder (i always wore half length before) and the riding up at the hips was rly irritating. i actually quite liked sleeping with it tho it was a pretty nice pressure stim ahah

some post op binders r more comfortable than others. if u have to buy ur own, i rly suggest going with a proper surgical one (they arent too hard to find second hand for free or cheap, again im happy to help here) bc they're kinder to chronic pain. i know that having a comfortable post op binder made it all a lot easier for me. there are also lots of alternatives w lots of price ranges tho, so that's not ur only option

ok i think thats everything right now! sorry its so long, but let me know if u have any questions!!

finally: before i got top ppl told me that its honestly life changing, and i didnt realise how true that would be. literally every single aspect of my life is at least partially better because of it, and most of them drastically so. I'm really excited for you to get that for yourself, and im wishing u all the best for it 💕

#and like i said ill post a more complete version at some point when i have time and my laptop #but dw that one ill be able to put under a cut #asks #long post #top surgery #fibromyalgia #is there a tag for chronically ill trans ppl?? i feel like there should be the venn diagram is pretty chunky #medical // #also its 2am as im writinf this lmao sorry if it doesnt make sense

[commanders-sole-braincell]

Consider: Trahearne visiting the capital cities of each race and bumping into a 7yo commander Bonus if it’s a street rat human who steal him something

Ngl my first thought was “but the Commander’s canonically 7 years old” and THEN I REMEMBER OTHER RACES DON’T AGE LIKE VARI IM DUMB

YES!!

He nearly steps on the small progeny that darts under his foot, staggering back at the last minute, watching them scuttle past, clutching a stool. 

He’s supposed to be looking for a college to discuss Orrian magic, but he’s intrigued by the stubborn determination on the chubby cheeks, as they set down the stool, drag themselves up it and reaching, mere fingertips away from a wrench held precariously on the edge. He’s not spent as much time as Khadeins has around the younger saplings, but he’s seen similar scenes play out enough times to know how this will end. So he does what’s, as the asura would say, logical; he leans over and picks up the wrench. Trying not to laugh at the way oversized ears stand upright as they follow his hand. 

He honestly expected the progeny to duck their head at being caught by an adult, but they simply stare him down expectantly, daring him to say another.

“I’m guessing you need this?” A nod “How about a trade? I give you this wrench, and you tell me where to find what I’m looking for?” They grin.

-

He tries not to grin as the college professor, a kind, old asura, laughs at the swagger in the young progeny’s gait as they head back towards their ‘lab’, wrench slung over their shoulder like he’s seen warriors carrying great war hammers. “Oh they’ll be trouble that on” Declares the professor “The best ones always are!”

–

He does a double take when years later an Order armoured Asura, swaggers up to him at Claw Island, ears now perfectly fitting, but face still set in a determined grin with a glint in their eye

————–

It’s as he feels a tiny tug on his bag and catches the passing seraph’s face flick to anger that he realizes he’s probably being robbed. He supposes the thief didn’t see the seraph rounding the corner, and guesses that anyone who’s desperate enough to rob him but be truly desperate, especially since sylvari are widely believe to not even need food. He spins around to see a flash of dirty rags and a mop of wild hair darting away before a blur of silver and white takes his vision as the seraph gives chase.

He opens his bag to check what’s been stolen, and swears. He needs that book.

-

That had been morning, now it was late afternoon and, having taken a different route to the seraph, Trahearne was beginning to lag in his efforts, half tempted to accept the fact the book was likely gone for good. When a quiet sniffle hit his ears, followed by a sharp ‘shhh’. It takes him a few minutes of just slowly shifting around and listening to work out the direction it’s coming from in all the noise of city life, but when he shuffles into the alleyway behind the pub, he finds the source. 

Two human children, in familiar rags are huddled in the corner near some boxes, one curled up under a meager blanket, sniffling, the other up on their feet, staring Trahearne down like he’ll leave if they look scary enough. Placing his arms wide in a placating motion, he slowly inches forward 

“Hello, I’m Trahearne, what’s your name?” By the Mother the child still standing doesn’t even break eye contact with him “Or you friend’s name?” He risks a glance, feeling rather like he’s facing off against a wolf than a human child, towards the sniffling child to confirm his suspicions “seem’s your friend isn’t doing so well, would you let me look at them?” He pauses, close enough now he can see the pale skin and black hair of the sick child, and see the fact the other is coated in dirt, almost deliberately. 

I’ts a tense few seconds before they stiffly nod, and settle down, a rock Trahearne hadn’t noticed still clutched in a small hand, next to their friend and whisper to them what’s happening.

–

It takes the better of two hours for Trahearne to actually figure out and learn what’s wrong with the sick child - Quinn, is his name from what he can gather from the soft whispers - and to pay in advance for a week’s safe lodging’s in a local healer’s hut. The children seem smaller here, skinnier and dirtier too, when surrounded by wounded soldiers and healers, but they’ve got a roof over their heads and from the way one of the healers was eyeing them, a hot bath and some food. He’s halfway out the door when something tugs on his bag. He glances down to see a familiar shape take off back into the room Quinn occupies, and lifts his bag’s cover to find his book returned. And if her redirects some still suspicious seraph, well, who’s to say?

————

It takes him off guard how tall the children of the Norn are, his height if not more seem’s to be the norm as they roughhouse and boast about their soon-to-be-legends. He’s crunching his way into Hoelbrak, desperate for a warm fire and the company of his newest book, when he spots a a large, furry roadblock. He’s seen dolyaks before, but he’s still a bit nervous around the hulking beasts, especially when he has to pass them on a narrow ridge. 

“Hello, old friend, care to move a little for me?” He says to the beast, scratching it’s greying muzzle “I need to get by you see…” all the beast does is snort at him. Rude. “Come on now” he tries to gently press on it’s side, but the beast doesn’t budge, simply sighing like he’s interrupted it’s nap. “Come ON” he hits the snow as the dolyak sways away from the weight. Scrambling to his feet, finding the dolyak still blocking the way, his soft cursing is interrupted by a loud laugh from behind, that he spins to find the source of, dismayed to find he’s got snow clinging to him. 

There’s a small norn child, young enough to be smaller than him, if only by a head, and grinning wildly. Before he can say a word, they march forward and shove him, a little harsher than they intended he thinks, to move infront of the dolyak. Press their hand forward, gently into the dolyak’s chest and clicking with their tongue, he watches in amazement as the docile creature begins slowly backing up to allow him to pass. 

“There ya go! Have a nice day Mr Plant-person!”An with that, the child jogs away into the snow. Leaving a confused Trahearne and a dozy dolyak behind.

-

Trahearne spots them later, blowing air into the dolyak’s nose and giggling as they receive a long tounge to the face for their efforts, as some adult nron shop at the market nearby. Trahearne grins and waves a little when they spot him, hiding his laugh behind his book when they yell and wave, and the dolyak headbutts them softly for daring to stop petting them, spending them into another giggle fit

—————–

He’s studying outside the black citadel when he feels the leaves on the back of his neck shift uneasily. The growing sense of being watched settles in his gut and causes him to quietly close and pocket the book he was enjoying, shifting to look around and face whatever threat is lurking nearby. Only to make eye contact with a litter of charr cubs. Likely still new to the fahrar he’s sitting near, too big ears and paws and big eyes a tell-tale sign of their youth, and the fact he’s likely the first sylvari they’ve seen.

“Hello?” He smiles and waves, still ill at ease with all the eyes staring at him. There’s a tense few minutes where the cubs don’t move, before the apparent leader strides forward, the other cubs whispering behind them as they approach. 

“What’re you doing?” Ask the cub, attempting to look at his lap, where the book once was, before plopping down beside him.

“Reading?”

“Reading what?”

“A book”

“What about?”

“You wouldn’t understand-”

“Why not” It was like talking to a fifthborn, but worse; this one had claws, teeth and back-up. Speaking of back-up, the other cubs now sat somewhat behind their band-mate, all attempting to hide behind them and stare at him. 

Before he can open his mouth again the lead cub speaks “Where’s your warband?”

“My what?”

“Your warband” They give him a look that says they think he’s thick in the skull “your brothers and sisters who fight beside you?” They all cock their heads at him in sync

“Ah, Sylvari don’t have warbands, most of my siblings live in the Grove though”

There’s a beat of silence before the cubs explode with noise

“What’s a Sylfari?” “It’s Syl-Vari, Dinky” “What’s the Grove?” “How many siblings do you have?” “Why don’t you have ears and a tail?” “Wanna see my cool dance?” “I can do better than that, Reeva!”

- 

Trahearne spends the rest of the day answering questions (and praising dance moves) from the little warband before a stressed out Primus comes to collect them, apologizing for disturbing the syvlari dignitary (despite assurances they were a welcome distraction) and cursing the youngling meant to be keeping an eye on them, Howl, by the sounds of it. While he doesn’t get any studying done that day, the small break the cubs granted him is more than appreciated, especially when the leader runs back quickly to press their forehead to his (somewhat harshly, as Trahearne feels some lumps that will one day be horns dig into his bark) and inform him he’s part of their warband now.

#Me at me: this'll eb a nice short ask to answer- WRITES PARAGRAPHS #aggressively tries to not write details about the Comm #Anonymous #Me: better be sure to not stress my arm out today- WRITES FOR TWO HOURS TRAIGHT

[lgbtyrus]

Two Exes on Mars

A Tyrus fic where they’re aged up + broken up :) It will have a ‘happily ever after’, I promise. Note: IDK if you know your Andi Mack lore, but just in case, Shadyside is in a fictional US state called Midwest.

Part 1/? (I’m thinking 3 or 4)

Words: 2,668

He kissed him goodbye. It wasn’t even rainy or cloudy outside, much less foggy. It was super bright and sunny, and Cyrus could hear every single bird in Shadyside chirping as his now ex-boyfriend walked out the front door of his house. He waited until TJ was out of his driveway to shut the door and break out in tears, pressing his forehead and fist against his door.

Why? he wondered. Why? Why? Why?

But he knew why. He knew why TJ had let him go in the worst breakup in the world. He had tried to a week ago which led to Cyrus breaking down in front of him and ended up with them back together. But the tension between them was so obviously, and it lead to TJ’s horrible mood swings and random outbursts he never apologized for. It made Cyrus feel like crap. Then in the middle of the week, TJ tried breaking up with him over text. Cyrus ignored it, and TJ went over to his house the next day like nothing had happened. Not even three days later, TJ came over to break up him a third time. For good.

That just happened two minutes ago, and Cyrus silently let him leave this time. He shouldn’t have ever let him see him cry.

“You have to go to California, Cyrus,” TJ had told him, his eyes red and his hands clenching into tight fists. All Cyrus could do was stare at the floor. It’s not everyday you get a chance to go to USC, but it also meant leaving everyone you loved behind- including TJ. Him and TJ had been together since the 8th grade, and he had included TJ in all of his future plans. For him, being in a long distance relationship was a possibility, and he never thought TJ would be against it.

“I want to go to MSU,” Cyrus shook his head, refusing to look at him. TJ was going to MSU on a basketball scholarship, and yeah, they had a theatre and screenwriting, but it wasn’t USC. It was one of the hardest choices Cyrus had to make.

“You’re clearly lying, Cyrus,” TJ let out a frustrated sigh, “I know when you’re lying.” It’s true, he did. His hands always instinctively went inside a pocket, and Cyrus has never been able to stop it. “Cyrus. I know I’m the main reason why you want to stay in Midwest, but I want you to go to USC. It’s what you want.”

“Does that mean we have to break up, though?” Cyrus asked him sadly, his voice quiet. TJ ran his fingers through his blonde hair and let out a deep breath.

“We’d be doing long distance for four years, Cyrus. I don’t want to hold you back from being at your prime if you’re moping around missing me the entire time.”

“Are you just saying this because you’re the one that’s not going to be fine?” There wasn’t even a pause.

“Yes, Cyrus!” TJ said loudly, startling Cyrus. “I can’t spend four years of my life being sad because I miss you all the time, but I also can’t live with the guilt I’m going to feel if you don’t go to USC. This entire situation is driving me insane, and I really think breaking up is the best way to go.”

“You honestly think that?” Cyrus frowned, looking right up at him. He didn’t want to break down like he did the first time. “You’re just giving up? Not even giving long distance a try. After five years, TJ?”

TJ shamefully looked away before saying, “I love you, Cyrus. But I think it’d hurt less to let you go.”

“How?” Cyrus’ voice started to tremble as he spoke in complete disbelief, “How can you even say you love me right now?” TJ didn’t say anything. He just slowly walking up to Cyrus, each step taking its own time before cupping his face in his hands and kissing him softly.

TJ pulled away, whispering, “Bye, Cyrus.”

Cyrus was now sitting on his bedroom floor, playing music louder than his occasional sob. Andi and Buffy were on their way, but until then, it was him, and a lone polaroid picture he had of him and TJ on their first Valentine’s Day together right in front of him. Him and TJ were sitting on one side of the booth at The Spoon while Marty and Buffy sat on the other side. TJ had his arms around him and was smiling in to his cheek, leaving a very fluttered Cyrus to be captured forever.

“Cyrus!” someone yelled out from downstairs. “We’re here.”

“Upstairs!” Cyrus yelled out, his voice slightly cracking. He hadn’t spoken since TJ left, and his throat hurt. He was glad he left the door unlocked for them because he didn’t have the energy to move.

Andi peaked her head through his bedroom door, frowning when she saw him, “Hi, Cyrus.”

“Hey,” Cyrus waved, “come in.” He hadn’t seen Andi in about three weeks was she was getting busy with her senior art project for SAVA. He loved her for being here during a busy time. Buffy trailed in behind Andi with two loaded grocery bags.

“We brought ice cream and pie,” Buffy held the bags up. “We stopped by your kitchen to get utensils.”

“Thank you because I was not going to move,” Cyrus said. Andi and Buffy sat down on each side of him and rested their heads on his shoulder.

“You can cry if you want,” Andi told him.

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, “we bought three tissue boxes.”

“I’ve been crying for like an hour, and I’m just tired of it at this point. But this is also probably just the start,” Cyrus mumbled. “How am I supposed to accept that someone I talked to everyday for five years is leaving my life?”

“I know it hurts, Cyrus,” Buffy whispered. “But you’re stronger than you think. You’re going to get through this. Trust me. I’m always right.”

“I know you are,” Cyrus smiled slightly. “You know what sucks the most though?”

“What?” they asked in unison.

“We already have matching tuxedos from prom.” -

Cyrus and TJ showed up with new tuxedos to prom. Andi herself made Cyrus a brand new one. The according to different sources, both Cyrus and TJ had both begged Gus to cancel their Prom Court nomination. Gus thought it was funny until Buffy stepped in, and he got scared.

Cyrus and TJ didn’t sit together at lunch anymore or do homework together or visit the swing sets every Tuesday after TJ got out of tutoring. Cyrus submitted his paperwork to attend USC in the fall and according to Amber who was at Shadyside’s community college, TJ was going to go to MSU to play for their basketball team. Buffy and Marty would be seeing him at MSU seeing they got track scholarships.

Cyrus cried every night for the rest of the school year after finishing his homework because he worked to hard to have his GPA suffer over a boy who clearly didn’t care if he fell apart. He sometimes sat in the bathtub and let music fill his whole bathroom and no matter what, every single song would remind him of TJ. Of course, that was his fault for playing the playlists TJ had made him on Spotify. He wondered if he could see that he was listening to them. He hoped he did.

Cyrus didn’t have any communication with TJ since the last texts he sent him. It was a 2AM on a Saturday night, about three weeks since the breakup. He felt horrible and didn’t know how to stop crying. Even though Buffy had told him to call him whenever, he couldn’t keep dumping everything on her.

Cyrus: hey tj I hope im not waking u up idk if you still have your phone set so that u only get text alerts from me but I just wanted to say that I miss you.

Cyrus: I miss you so much tj idk what to do without you. Everything hurts all the time and I just want to talk to you and hear you voice even if we cant date anymore please talk to me. Please be my friend again tj we were best friends for 5 years we work so good together

Cyrus: I love you. I think that ill always be in love with you.

TJ: Goodnight Underdog.

Cyrus didn’t remember what time he went to sleep, but he felt like he cried for hours after that. The pain in his chest beat him up completely until he was too weak to flip his pillow to the dry side.

At their graduation, Cyrus gave a speech and then walked off stage to everyone in the auditorium clapping. It felt surreal. When he looked up smiling, out of all of the people he saw in the sea of graduates, he saw TJ clapping. He had his lip curled up in one corner which showed that he was on the verge of tears. That was the only time that night Cyrus wanted to cry.

-

A month into USC and without a doubt, Cyrus was homesick and probably depressed. He had made a great group of friends that were similar to him and super positive. He appreciated them, but 8 out of 10 times, they could never convince him to leave his room. He just stayed in and did homework and work on his script. It was about a man who gets his heart shattered and decided to move to Mars as part of a science experiment and when he’s already in space, he realize that his ex is one of the 100 people on board. Things quickly escalate. His friends loved the scripts and always asked to read updates, but he still sent snippets to Bex because he missed her.

It had been months since the breakup with TJ that happened late April. He should be over it now, he thought a lot of the time. But it still hurt. TJ really shot a hole in his heart and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t cry everyday like he used to. But every other few weeks, he snuck into the bathroom to cry so his roommate wouldn’t see. It was embarrassing to admit.

Cyrus kept things in a rotation. Script, class, eat, homework, sometimes friends, and sleep. It was hard to stay happy and to enjoy himself. It was hard to feel like he was living through something when he’s been dead inside for months. With Halloween coming up, he felt even worse. He’s never not had anyone to match costumes with. For five years, him and TJ did a couple’s costume and before that, him, Buffy, and Andi always had something up their sleeves. He missed all of them.

Then one day, his roommate let one of his friends into their dorm room. His roommate was part of his friend group, so there was that. Cyrus was working on his infamous script and didn’t even get a text that he was coming. Usually, he said no, though. “Hey, Rich,” Cyrus said as he walked in.

“Hey, Cy,” he said. “I was in the building and wanted to drop by.”

“Why’d you text Karson and not me?” Cyrus asked.  

“You always say no.”

“True. Anyways, what’s up?”

“We need one more person for our Halloween costume. It’s Full House. We need an Uncle Jesse. You in?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus grinned, “of course.”

-

“Damn,” his friend Bogie said. “That TJ foo fucked you up bad, huh?” All eight of them were sitting around a bonfire before Thanksgiving break. It had been a long night of confessions and telling each other things not a lot of other people knew. Somehow in the moment, Cyrus spent thirty minutes telling them the becoming and downfall of him and TJ. Rich had convinced him to go to therapy on campus early November, and Cyrus wished he had gone sooner. It was getting so much easier to be around his friends and have open conversations.

“Yeah,” Cyrus admitted. “I cried everyday for months. I still cry sometimes.”

“Is that why you spend forever in the bathroom?” Karson asked him. Cyrus nodded.

“Damn, Cy,” Roxana mumbled, “no wonder you were so distant at the beginning of the school year. I thought you were just stuck up, but I guess I was wrong. I’m glad you trust us now, though.”

“Me, too,” Cyrus said.

“So, this TJ,” Bogie asked, “what’s he up to?”

“Besides knowing that he plays basketball for Midwest State U, I have no idea. I haven’t talked to him since I last texted him after the breakup. I’m still good friends with his sister, but she never says anything.”

“Dang, so he’s a baller?” Bogie asked.

“Probably just getting fucked up at parties,” Mikhenna suggested. Cyrus didn’t respond. He just shrugged.

“Do you still love him?” Roxana asked him.

“I don’t think so,” Cyrus shook his head. “I’d be stupid to. But thanks for listening, guys. I feel a lot better. I feel like I belong and that I can finally move on.”

-

Cyrus didn’t see the point of flying all the way back home for a week long break, so he decided to stay behind in California and take a train to his aunt and uncle’s place. They had a daughter that thirteen and always had juicy middle school drama.

When he was laying down on the bed of the guest room, his phone started vibrating. Buffy was on Facetime, and he answered immediately saying, “Hey, Buff.”

“Hey, Cyrus,” Buffy grinned widely before switching the camera, “look who’s with me!”

Andi waved at the camera, “Hey, Cyrus!”

“Andi,” Cyrus grinned. “How are you? We haven’t talked in like four days.”

“I know right,” Andi laughed. “I’m fine. What about you?”

“I’m good, I’m good,” he said before registering completely that Andi was in Shadyside. “Wait,” he paused, “aren’t you supposed to be in Pennsylvania?”

“Yeah but a professor died, so they gave us two weeks off instead of three days and just postponed winter break.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“I have no idea who he is,” Andi shrugged. “But where are you?”

“With my dad’s sister and her family. I’m just chilling and eating home made food before I go back,” Cyrus smiled. Andi moved over to sit next to Buffy and Cyrus noted that they were at the Mack’s place.

“So enough of that,” Buffy said and then looked at Andi who gave her a stern look. “Come on, let me tell him.”

“Well now you have to tell him,” Andi rolled his eyes.

“That’s very true,” Cyrus agreed.

“I know,” Buffy smirked. “That’s why I said that. Anyways,” she looked right at the camera, “we went to the mall with Amber in her car, but it broke down in the parking lot when we were leaving. She had to call TJ to come pick us up, which was already awkward enough because I always ignore him at school, but I was like whatever, it’s a twenty minute drive. Then in the car, literally, this man, I mean, boy, can ask any question. Any question in the world. Preferably, one directed at his sister, like you know, has your car been acting funky for a while? But he asks me and Andi, ‘How is Cyrus doing?’” Cyrus’ heart dropped. He hasn’t heard anything about TJ in so long he’s forgotten how to react.

“What did you say?” Cyrus asked nervously.

“I said that I charge $50 per fact,” Buffy said, “and he didn’t say anything else.”

“That’s weird,” Cyrus frowned. “I wonder why he doesn’t just ask Amber. I literally call her once a week, every Tuesday.”

“No idea,” Buffy said. “But maybe she just doesn’t answer him for the same reasons I didn’t.”

“Which are?”

“We love you.”

-

anyways follow my main @webarebares <3 thank you for reading! feel free to send asks if something was confusing or if a typo was horrible or just because. i luv u.

#shoosh star #stars writing #andi mack #tyrus #kind of lol #im just a sucker for angst and cant help writing it whenever i can

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The Return- Part 10

Disclaimer: YALL IM SO SO SO SORRY.😭😭 I have been horrible and not updated this story for at least a month.😬 I can explain though... University has been kicking my ass and between that and my co-op placement at a law firm.😅 Ive had absolutely no time to do anything😩 BTW IVE MISSED YALL SO MUCH❤️And Ive read all your messages and asks. And yes my mental health is now better and y'all are so understanding and supportive 💕 honestly could not have asked for a better group of individuals☺️❤️

Part 1 part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 11 

Anyways onto the storyyyyy.....

Warnings: ANGSTY AF (kinda figured out that im probably a smut and angst writer at this point🤷🏽‍♀️), sucky ass grammar and spelling like always, my cliche imagination and the fact that Im probably a horrible human being😬😩 Also made it extra long cuz I felt baddd 

PLEASE DONT KILL ME FOR THIS ONE😬

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @wuxiesalt @readsalot73 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @amy8220 @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @ragnarssonsbitch @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @paintballkid711 @jenny-the-lover @funmadnessandbadassvikings @blonddnamedhandz @hallowed-heathen @pinkrockstar19 @ivarthethiccness

Sorry if I missed any of you💕 Lemme know if you want to be tagged. Also requests are open, and I’ve got a ton of them to do and finish. Hopefully Ill be able to post them soon enough

Arthur’s POV

“Arthur please! Open the door my love, I know what it may seem like to you, but I assure you that its not.” (Y/n) pleaded from the other side. I sat down on the mattress in our chamber contemplating whether or not it was true. Should I believe what my wife so desperately is trying to reassure me off. Or should I stick with my gut feeling and tell her how I have felt for the last 4 years. Her constant pounding on the door finally gets to me and I make my way to open it. “I wish to be left alone at the moment (y/n).” Her arms circle around my waist and I can feel her face wetting by back with tears. “Arthur please, talk to me. Why have you run off. You know that I love you. I do not want him, all he does is bring me pain and you take that away. So please, talk to me!” (y/n) murmurs into my back. As much as it pains me to do so I pry her hands off of me and sit us down on the bed. All I do is long for her touch, but this is not okay. I cannot keep feeling this way and go on pretending that I could have ever stood a chance against him. “(y/n), look at me. I love you and I always will. But its evident that you love him. and I honestly can say that I know I will never stand a chance against him, because the thought of you possibly running back to him has always been on my mind since the day we got married.” 

Her eyes showed so much pain that confessing this felt as if I was driving a knife through her heart. “Arthur, I love you. What can I do to show you that. Yes I confess that I was in love with him, but that was long ago and I have left it in the past in order to build a future with you. Whom I love and who I share and will continue to share beautiful children with. So please don't shut me out, Arthur.” She says leaning our foreheads together and holding my face in her gentle hands. “Ok, however I want to be able to process things by myself. So I have decided to have the guest room across the hall prepared only until I figure things out.” With out giving her a chance to fight back, I place my lips on hers and savour the kiss as if it were our last. Meeting her eyes was something I wanted to avoid as I knew that just looking at her broken expression would make me change my mind. I hastily make my way out of the room, but sneak a quick glance over my shoulder to find my wife staring off into the direction where I once sat. With tears streaming down her eyes...

Your POV

What had I done? Why was I such fool to not see what my husband was clearly going through? Millions of questions rushed into my mind about how to go about this situation. I loved Arthur, I was clear on that. But he spoke the truth, there was something in me that could not let Ivar go and it took hurting my husband and Ivar to figure that out. As I sulked I forgot about the doctor whom I had asked to see me earlier. I was having really bad stomach pains and my breasts were more tender then they had ever been. So I wanted to make sure that I was not sick, as that would have been the last thing I needed on my plate at the moment. “My Queen, are you alright? Do you wish to push back this appointment, I dont mind coming by later when you're better.” The doctor spoke from behind me. “Yes, it seems so. Ill let the servant girl know if I need you doctor. Im sorry for the inconvenience.” “Nonsense your majesty, it is my pleasure to serve you.” With a bow the doctor retreats from the room and Im left to my own thoughts once again...

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“(y/n), wake up... its seems that you fell asleep on the floor. Come on I’ll help you up.” Upon hearing Hvitty’s comforting voice my eyes flutter open and I cant help the tears that song come down my face like a cascade. “(y/n)! are you alright are you hurt anywhere? Why are you crying?” Hvitserk’s eyes scan my face and my body looking for the source of my pain, which is held in my heart, but he’ll never know that. “Arthur... He...” I try to find the words to say. “What! What did he do! Did he hurt you? I swear ill kill him!” With that Hvitserk tries to let me go and run out the door, but somehow I manage to stop him. “Hvitserk, No! He didn't hurt me. I hurt him... He believes that Im in love with Ivar, and I fear that their maybe some truth to it...” I say just above a whisper, with my head held low. “(Y/N), Ive known that since before you were married. It was obvious, but I would never say anything to you because I found that it was best if I kept such observations to myself, before I found out about your father.” Lifting my head and staring directly at him, I move my head to the side with a puzzling look. “What do you mean about my father, Hvitserk?” Hvitserk now mirrors the same lost look that I have on my face. “I thought thats why you and Ivar had gotten together, because Ragnar’s not your father...”

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Ivar’s POV

“Aghhhh!”Is the sound that comes out of my gritted teeth when the medicinal herbs are placed on my face. “That hurts like a bitch, get out! Ill do this myself if I have to. GO!” I yell at the servant girl who tried to cleanse and tend to the cuts on my face. “Ivar,  please let the servants tend to you. I still cannot believe that Arthur punched you in the face. Hehehe, you deserved it though, how could you question the paternity of his children and not expect him to want to kill you?” Bjorn laughs as he chugs the rest of his drink down. “Well, if you actually cared about your children and the heir to your throne, you’d also be quite upset to find a Christian King claiming to be their father. Those children are mine! And its pretty evident, just look at Marjorie. She's my spitting image.” I snarl at him as the anger begins to rise in me again. “Ivar, thats your mistake and why you’ll never get (y/n) back. You believe that everything should be yours. And that people are things you can govern over, but they're not. Because those are children. And yes they may be yours, but you cannot take away what they have known because you want to be selfish.” He says with a stern look on his face, whilst getting up from his chair and making his way to the door. “Now get ready and fix yourself we have a intimate dinner to attend to with MY sister and the love of your life.” Unbeknownst to us, there was Freydis on the balcony listening to our whole conversation. And little did I know that it would come to be the thing I regretted the most.

At the dinner I notice (y/n) sit on the opposite side of the table from Arthur. This wouldn't have affected me if it wasn't for the look on both of their faces. They seemed distraught and broken. Arthur masked it well, but (y/n) was an open book for all of us to know exactly how she felt at that moment. Not much talking happened, besides Marjorie and Erik shouting at each other on who was better at riding. They reminded me a lot of myself and all I wanted was to tell them the truth, that they were my children and that they would go back to Kattegat with me to learn about the true gods and not the fable that had been told to them about their so called ‘God’.” “(Y/n) are you alright, you do not seem quite like yourself tonight.” Bjorn states with a concerned look that we all share. Even Arthur looks a bit concerned, but his body language makes it seem as if he is alright and nothing is wrong. “Sarah, could you please put Marjorie and Erik to bed? Its getting late for them and they have their lessons early in the morning.” She says with a stern and cold look in her (e/c) eyes. “Su...sure your majesty. “ At that Bjorn stands up as if to accompany Sarah, but is quickly stopped by (y/n)’s icy glare and venomous words. “Sit your ass down.” At that we all look astonished, but Hvitserk only stares at her with sadness and what seems to be sympathy. He must know why she is like this then. 

Bjorn slowly sits back down on the table. A shocked look graces his face, as he cannot comprehend why she is acting this way towards her beloved older brother. “How long.” Is all she grits out through her teeth. “What do you mean, (y/n)?” My eyes meet Hvitserk’s own and the realization dawns upon me. She knows...

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Your POV

“Stop with the bullshit! I cannot take anyone else lying to me!” I scream as I bang my hands against the table, stunning everyone in sight. “How long did you know that Ragnar was not my father! How long have you kept the truth from me! How long have you known that Athelstan was my father!” I could careless about everyone staring at me as if I was a mad woman. I had been lied to my whole life. All I had known had been a lie, and the people who I trusted the most in this world had been the ones keeping it a secret from me. “(Y/N)... I..I’ve know since the moment you were born. But father had sworn me into secrecy and I could not break a promise. This doesn't change anything though. You are still my sister and you will always be.” Bjorn says in a haste as tries to come closer to me, but I step back and move as far back as I can. “Did you know? Tell me! Ivar did you know that we were not siblings!” Ivar didn't even have to answer. I knew from the look in his eyes that he too had been lying to me. 

“I knew.” Arthur says staring right at me. “I knew that you weren't his daughter and I knew that Ivar wasn't your brother. But I kept that information from you because all I wanted to do was have you by my side. I’m sorry, for the pain I have caused you (y/n). Im sorry for being selfish and not telling you the truth, but I now see that I was wrong and as of tomorrow you are free to go back to your country. I promise that your title and lands will not be taken from you or from the children. May they be mine or his. But I cannot go on with this facade anymore.” Arthur says in the most calm demeanour as he stands up and comes to me. “You hypocrite! How dare you make me feel like shit for harbouring feelings for Ivar when you knew all along and knew that my whole life was a lie.” I scream as I run at him and slap him across the face. But before I can get another punch in I feel a strong grip holding me from behind. From the shocks and the utter feeling in my stomach I knew it could have only been Ivar. As I try desperately to release from his vice grip, my whole world comes crashing down when Sarah enters the room. With blood all over her.

“Your highnesses...Erik.... he.. he..” She tries to say through her shock. “What! What is wrong with my son!” Ivar, Arthur and I scream at the same time. “He.. he’s dying!”

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We all simultaneously run after Sarah towards the doctors quarters. Ivar with his brace on, manages to run faster than all of us and busts the doors wide open. if I wasn't so worried about my son or upset about the fact they all knew Ragnar wasn't my father, I would've been impressed. “What are you doing! Get away from my son!” At that Ivar rushes towards the doctor who is bleeding Erik out. Grabbing him by the collar he slams the doctor on the wall and his sclera go into bluish hue, showing that he is in danger of breaking a bone. “Ivar stop it! Let the man go, he is just trying to help.” “Help my ass! I will not let you harm my son, do you understand me! I will not let you harm him!” At that Ivar lets the doctor go, but not without staring him down. And the doctor looking like he is about to shit himself. Rushing to Erik’s side I notice something strange. The colour of his skin is now fading and his eyes have bags under them. But what hits me the most is the memory of Uncle Rollo teaching me about poison. “He doesn't need to be bled, he needs medicine. He’s been poisoned...” 

“Mama! What is wrong with Erik! He will be okay right? He has to be okay!” Marjorie begins to say as she shakes with fear. Before Arthur or I could say something to console her, Ivar bends down and takes her hands in his. “Marjorie, listen to me. Your brother is a fighter and so are you. After all were related aren't we?” Ivar says as he lifts her chin. “Yes..I suppose that we are. Is it true what they say though? Are you our father?” At that Ivar turns to me looking towards me for permission. At this point I think to myself how hard it was to learn my whole life had been a lie and that I would not want that for my children, so I nod. “Yes, Marjorie I am your father. And no your mother is not my sister. It was something that we had to say because she needed to be kept safe.” He says ever so calmly. “Safe from who?”She questions “From my mother. Your grandmother.”

Cough*Cough* Spurts of blood cover me in seconds. My attention becomes focused in on my son again. “Where is the damn antidote! Please someone hurry!” At that Hvitserk runs into the room with a small green vial. “Here take this it should help him. Lagertha gave it to me before her and father left. Something about it would come in handy some day. Here.” Shoving the vial in my hands I open it quickly and lift Erik’s head. “Drink this Erik. It should help you, my darling. Please be strong, I know you're scared, but you’ll be alright ok. Everything will be ok.” I say through tears. Today had been the worst day by far. “Mira... please help my son. I know you're always with me, but please help me now. Pray for my son and ask God to save him.”

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A few hours had gone by and nobody had moved from the room. Arthur sat on the chair next to the bed with his elbows on his knees, looking straight and focused in on Erik. Bjorn and Hvitserk sat by the fireplace and were wetting some towels so that we could place them atop Eriks head. I sat on the bed next to my son and caressed his beautiful face hoping for a miracle. I had dismissed Sarah and told her to take Marjorie with her, but she would not budge. Sarah left, but Marjorie stayed and sat in Ivars lap asking him if Erik would pull through. Ivar was sweet to answer as best as he could, and I could tell that he truly cared for his children even if his demeanour wasn't the greatest. I knew that deep in my heart I would have to let him get to know them, but it still hurt especially knowing that he now was married. “Wait, where is Freydis? I haven't seen her since yesterday.” I say looking towards Ivar. “I dont know earthier to be honest, she's probably looking at some damn flowers anyway. Its best if she's far away anyway.” “Why would you say that about your wi-” “she's not my wife, at least not yet. Were not actually married, (y/n). I just said that to piss you off.” Taking a deep breath I go to stand up from the bed in order to fetch a bucket of water and some new cloths. Instead I end up on the floor cradling my belly, with a burning sensation in my chest and blood pouring out from my mouth. “(Y/n)! Mama!” I can hear the shouts around me. “Fetch the doctor! Now hurry!” The voices around me begin to fade and not before long I can feel myself drifting away.

“My baby... Save my baby...” And with that everything turns pitch black...

#vikings #vikings history channel #vikings fanfiction #vikings fandom #ivar #ivar the boneless #vikings ivar #ivar lothbrok #ivar x reader #ivar the god #bjorn #Bjorn Ironside #bjorn lothbrok #bjorn x reader #Hvitserk #vikings hvitserk #hvitserk x reader #hvitty #Ragnar Lothbrok #ragnarsdottir #ragnar x lagertha #lagertha #requests are open #arthur pendragon #arthur #king arthur