#after months I did the other one

[hexedrosel-arts]

"I'm so alone now."

Little Teddy bear so broken, so sad, Felix was the only person that cared

link to the post that is the twin of this one

ramblings under the cut

This one has a lot more room than the other, it was done on purpose. Alt. Cain's not Abel did break Teddy did it not? Teddy is confused, was the reveal nothing but the reminder that no one in his family truly loved him?

Unlike Felix, Teddy does not hold his brother, he only stares. Felix kept all of Teddy in the frame mostly, Teddy has Felix in a spot where you can see parts of his body, legs and arms are mostly cut out.

Applesoft is also removed in all sense, literally being Xed out, Felix's had Teddy's face obscured with the pin. So many opposites of the other drawing, Teddy smiling at Felix, Felix looking directly at the viewer(or perhaps, he is looking at someone we cannot see. Like a father) They are opposites, right? That's all I really wanted to get across with this drawing, them being the same and yet oh so different.

Does Teddy think during his ending, when he leaves school, that they both are just their father? Truly, they both are, his blood, his children, they keep their hands 'clean' just like him too.

Of course here, Felix isn't buried, Felix will always exist, the proper Huxley, the one their father wants. Teddy will protect him, dispose of him later, when Teddy can finally be alone, with the company burning behind him. But for now, let Felix be just like father, let him take the blame, Felix has the emotions, the behavior, the one perfect for when father needs. Teddy, well Teddy has the violence, it just takes a little push for that to happen, in that moment when it happens, Cain will be Abel.

God I want to draw these two be sweet and kind to each other now, but they're fun to break apart, just break them up like geodes or eggs. It's very fun to think of ways to make Teddy worse as a person while trying to keep up that sweet kid facade.

#rose-laced art #rosey rambles #kindergarten 2 #after months I did the other one #Sweet little teddy bear very fun to break #Felix is also fun to break #but not so much #there's only so much you can do with an asshole character #tw spiders #kindergarten felix #kindergarten ted #tw blood

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bonus 8: How met your mother (CSSR design by @qourmet!)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #cangse sanren #wei changze #jiang fengmian #It was important to me that WCZ had the hereditary mole. I will die on this hill. #I have been *waiting* for the day to finally arrive when I could finally make this comic. It's been marinating for months. #My mission is to redraw all of qour's character designs one day. They are just *that* good. #CSSR has the vibes of a wandering menace who shows up in towns like a stray cat arriving at a new doorstep for treats. 10/10. #While YZY strongly leads us to believe that JFM was in love with CSSR and that's his whole motivation behind taking wwx in- #-I do think this is (once again) rumour being presented as reality. It's the juicer story to tell after all. #It is still possible that he did love her! But I think that story undercuts the relationship he also had with WCZ. #Yall ever think about how JC and WWX parallel their fathers? How Wei Changze also left the Jiang Leader's side? I do. #Unlike JC though It is far more hilarious and plausible to imagine JFM begging to be CSSR and WCZ's third. You know he would. #My wild headcanon is that JFM and YZY are in a mlm and wlw arranged marriage situation. Deeply unhappy as partners. Better as friends. #they care for each other and I'll admit that there is a beautiful tragedy in them having romantic feelings for each other the whole time. #But I am also here for the gaffs. Let them be unfulfilled homosexuals together. #Meanwhile cssr and wcz are having incredible hetrosexual sex in a bisexual way that WILL leave him pregnant by the end of it.

[madamemiz]

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time

finally finished the third in my series of fully rendered dca images, yippieee!!

#yes that's a very sappy lyric yes it fits shhh #anyway. hi im not dead!! #maybe finishing this piece i started months ago will help jumpstart my art drive. pls #did you know i love canon eclipse? did you know?? now you do #fnaf sb #fnaf eclipse #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #sort of! they're implied :) #oh to be joyfully reunited with your other half after untold years of suffering #my art #i might post the three pieces together in one post at some point soon

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

you want a new kind of guy, fine, i raise you: the lady i was briefly roommates with in college who once smoked a blunt at a party and then spent an hour confessing earnestly to me that she genuinely preferred reading detailed episode recaps over actually watching the tv show in question

#she sounded so remorseful & i just stood staring like an anthropologist watching their phd thesis spontaneously manifest before their eyes #apparently she would watch the pilot episode to get a feel for the characters #and then just read a bunch of recaps & episode reviews instead of watching future episodes. what fresh steaming hell #this conversation took place like a year and a half after we were roommates btw. i had seen her maybe twice in that time period #i thought she was a standard frat girl but then 18 months later she appears in the wild grass to reveal unhinged character background to me #and i'm just standing there nodding feeling like i missed a weird opportunity i did not want or ask for #honestly thought i was the weirdest person in that apartment situation but now i'm wondering what our other 2 roommates were hiding #not my strangest college experience at ALL but like. definitely top 20 #this wasn't the same person as Aquarium Girl btw but oddly enough they were roommates actually #(not at the same time that Recaps Lady and i were roommates but at different intervals idk) #anyway i probably should have interviewed at more than one apartment before taking over a sublease but summer sess is a weird time u know #oh and this happened in Hong Kong btw

[arkos404]

prohibitedwish enemies to lovers but prismo is into scarab in the enemies part just as much as in the lovers part

refs

btw i never watched the original souce material of any of these so dont read too deep into it, i just found them outta context on pinterest and thought "damn thats them" and passed out and woke up with this

#prohibitedwish #prismo #prismo the wishmaster #scarab #scarab the god auditor #fionna and cake #adventure time: fionna & cake #fanart #arkos draws #prismo's taste in men did a 180 after jake #god he's such a bottom #he thinks scarab's anger is the hottest thing ever #rip him fr #what a freak (lovingly) #they deserve each other #ok im done i just needed to get these out of my system #me trying to draw something thats been on my mind for literal months: hmmm maybe tomorrow #also me immediatedly after: [drops everything im doing to badly draw these] #i dont control the hyperfixation #yeah the one thats been on my mind for months is the cowboy one #yall are gonna know what im talking abt #hopefully soon

[leciraofthewilderness]

So, despite some faults, I really enjoyed totk, and on its anniversary I want to say something about it. Other people have said similar things before but it’s really important to me and actually a big part of why the story of totk was meaningful to me, so I want to also say it:

Zelda needed to come back from draconification. The story needed that. It wasn’t lazy and just ignoring “consequences” because (imo) that was the *point*

The point is to feel like there are going to be terrible consequences and then say actually, no. You can come back from this, with the help of other people.

To me at least, that was the theme of the whole story.

If botw was about how the world goes on past loss and grief and starts to heal (how flowers grow in the ruins and the world can be beautiful again, be worth saving, even if it has changed)…then totk was about a more personal kind of healing.

The weight of the world should not be on your shoulders alone…you, alone, should not have to fix everything…you should not have to sacrifice yourself, but when you do, someone will be there to save you from it.

This turned into a really long ramble so:

You (Link) gained so much and now it’s gone. It feels like you’re back to where you started and yet you know you have to do it all again…you were weak and you failed and you’re weaker now…but

You go down to the surface. Monsters swarm across it once again. Other people are fighting them too though. You help, but it’s not just you…

You go to the Rito, the Gorons, the Zora, the Gerudo…just like with the divine beasts, there are friends who help you save each region. But this time, part of them comes along with you when you leave. It’s nice, you realize, the first time one of them protects you from a monster you weren’t prepared for. You’re still weaker than you were before, but someone has your back…

When you go up to the sky you see a strange new dragon there. There’s something about them that feels familiar. You try not to think about it.

You go down to the depths too. It’s terrifying at first. You hate it. You only want to get what you came for and get out of the dark….but slowly, the light grows. You get stronger. The dark feels like a challenge you can face (and someone has your back).

There are spirits down there. You don’t know when they’re from, but some part of you wonders…are these all the people you let die in the Calamity? (You help them find rest from their wandering. The weight on your shoulders feels a little less heavy).

There’s so much gloom. The first few times the sky turns red and hands chase you (a reminder of what you’ve lost, how you failed) you just run. Eventually though, you have to fight. It feels like the (second) worst day of your life again. But you manage to get free of the grasping gloom and stand and fight, as wild and desperate as it is. Beneath the manifestation of your worst fears, there’s another thing to fight, but this time it has a face (a voice in the back of your head says…you know this isn’t all on you and your failure…it’s really Ganon’s fault right?). You get through it.

At every turn in your travels, it seems like something reminds you of Zelda. Her passion, her curiosity, her kindness. You miss her.

At first, the tears you find reassure you. She may be in the past, but she’s safe. She’ll come back somehow…but then you hear the word draconification for the first time. You want to believe she wouldn’t do it but you know her and the fear sits cold inside you. (Zelda is a lot of things. She’s been allowed to be more of them, since she was freed from her hundred year battle, without her father holding her back. But deep down inside her, there’s a vein of self-sacrifice that still runs strong. It’s what saved the world before, after all).

She did it. She really did it. She’s gone from you (from Hyrule) forever, and it’s all your fault. If only you hadn’t failed so utterly in the battle (you can hardly even call it that) under the castle. If only you’d caught her. If only you hadn’t let the sword break. You should have protected her you should have been better it’s all your fault and now she has to live with the consequences, forever. Everything really is on you, you should have been better.

(Zelda POV: you couldn’t call upon Hylia’s power in time, you were too content to let it wither and fade away from you, ready to be free of it. You shouldn’t have. He got hurt, the sword got hurt, it’s your fault…Sonia and Rauru help you channel it again, Sonia helps you learn how to turn back time…but you don’t save her. She dies because you couldn’t save her. Rauru dies not long after. There is no one left to guide you, once again. You could spend years trying to figure it out on your own. But you did that last time. It didn’t work. Self-sacrifice, stepping in front of someone you love, that worked. (You do what you can, to call upon the sages, to help Link in the future, first). And then you swallow the stone. You’ve come a long way, in the past five years, allowing yourself to exist. But in the end, self-sacrifice worked last time. It’ll work this time too.)

You (Link) go down beneath the castle. You were supposed to bring the sages but you didn’t. It’s nice, for someone to have your back. But no one else should get hurt to fix your mistakes.

They follow you anyway. They fight with you, against the hordes, against the greatest enemies you defeated together, along the way. They’ll have your back, even if you don’t think you deserve it.

You fight Ganondorf, and then the demon king, in the hardest battle of your life. You think it’s over and then the demon king decides it’s better to lose himself completely than let you win. You’re exhausted and afraid of yet another battle, but up there in the sky, when you’re falling, the Light Dragon catches you (you wonder why she changed her path to catch you, you wonder if there’s still something of Zelda left in there to save). With her help, you win.

And then you’re in some other realm. The spirits of Sonia and Rauru are there. You remember how the two of them and Zelda channeled such incredible power together. You think about Recall. Turning something back to the memory of what it was before, like Sonia said. You stand with them and you allow yourself to hope. Maybe the Light Dragon can remember the form she took so long ago, the person that she was.

And then you’re falling, and Zelda is falling, but this time you catch her. You catch her. She’s back home with you, finally, finally.

And maybe, one mistake doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You don’t have to be perfect. Sometimes, someone else can stand with you, and it’ll all turn out alright. (You can put the weight of the world on your shoulders, you can sacrifice yourself, but someone will be there to catch you, someone will be there to pull you back to yourself, when all is said and done).

#loz #tears of the kingdom #Link #Zelda #I will say also that I think part of the reason totk is special to me is very personal #like when it came out I was still struggling with the worst burnout of my life #I had had a few months of exhaustion between January and March and in May that exhaustion was still sticking to me #it was hard to get out of bed hard to do anything I felt so tired that I almost felt sick but I wasn’t sick #and the thing is Zelda games are my biggest special interest #and having a new one to play like genuinely I’m not joking it gave me bsck so much energy #I was doing really badly but when totk came out I played it for an entire weekend straight basically #and like my mom came to visit me and help me out with basic life stuff #and like sit with me while I played just like enjoying being together #and that was really nice #over that summer and the fall after I started getting to know someone I work with better #largely over conversations about totk at first #and they’ve become a good friend #(and become someone that I feel safe to be fully myself around) #and so I just have this really strong personal connection to totk #like I will not claim to be impartial about it #there are definitely criticisms that I can acknowledge #in particular I don’t like that they un-amputeed Link let Link be disabled #and also ganondorf’s characterization was shallow and one dimensional #and I’m sure there’s other things I could think of #but the overall narrative #including Zelda becoming the light dragon and then turning back in the end #I really like that #it felt like a narrative of healing to me #and playing it at the time that I did felt really healing to me too

[b0nelessdoodles]

fellas, is it gay to get flustered when your colleague wraps his magic around you to keep you out of trouble? 🤔

#cookie run #shadow milk cookie #shadowvanilla #pureshadow #creme university au #ive been sitting on this doodle for like a month now lord have mercy on my soul #god im mentally ill about what my friend and i did with these two #shadow milk used to be blueberry yogurt but he did a fuckin huge amount of forbidden magic in one go and it shattered his mind #so now hes unhinged as shit and insane but being around pure vanilla sometimes calms his mind #and he sometimes feels like his old self again #this is only possible because pure vanilla Did Something after the accident to try and save blueberry yogurt #cause they were pining after each other like the idiots they were #and now they are linked on a magical level #and pure vanilla is still trying to reverse the effects of the forbidden magic on the love of his life #shadow milk had no fuckin' idea but in this scene he ended up piecing some things together #i should try drawing pure vanilla's lab but omfg room drawings are not my strong point #okay ill shut the fuck up now i love them so bad

[foxspritez]

not enough mermaid aus in this society

#SOCIETYYYYY #thought it would be funny if he said the skyrim quote #sampo’s earring is supposed to be one of those swirly shells idk they’re pretty #if someone drew sampard mermaids already send it to me immediately #sampard #gepard x sampo #honkai star rail #sampo koski #gepard landau #u know what would be sooo cute… u should ask me about this au #but in short prince gepard gets rescued by mermaid sampo and they’re in love #sampard loves each other btw canon real #the fic art i’ve had in my procreate drafts for months vs this i did after class today #it’ll get done eventually… mark my words… #no more tags im shutting up #mermaid au #mermaid sampo

[cubedmango]

「30歳の童貞に片想いすると魔法使いになれるらしい」 (from cherry magic volume 11 special edition) — english translation

#cherry magic #my translation #finally. after months i got to read this at last !!!!!!! i can be at peace now #also gonna do a little t/n in the tags bc i wanna clarify one little bit #the term '苦手' comes up a bunch here and it can mean either 'not being good at smth' or 'disliking/hating smth' #and from my understanding when used for people it can mean either 'not knowing how to get along with someone' or 'disliking/hating someone' #so on page 1 kurosawa uses 苦手 to say that the other guy doesnt like him #and on page 4 adachi uses 苦手 too which kurosawa misinterprets bc he doesnt have all the context #bc adachi means that he doesnt really know how to interact with guys like kurosawa but kurosawa hears it as 'i dont like his type of ppl' #(which gets cleared up later anyway thank god . tho it did give us a funnie panel) #i couldnt find any word in english that worked with the same sort of double meaning as 苦手 so i tried phrasing it in a way- #-that would have that same sort of 'this can be easily misinterpreted' vibe . dunno if it worked but i tried kjfkds

[floralfractals]

Hi everyone, I wanted to write a quick update to you guys :)

I made this blog in March of 2021. At the time, I followed my first math course on fractals and dynamics, and had just discovered a tool to make my own awesome fractals. This blog started out as a place to share the art I was making as a coping mechanism during covid, but as I quit making them after a few months, this blog died pretty quickly. In 2022, I decided to start posting regularly again (mostly just shitposts though), just so that the effort I put into this blog wouldn't go to waste.

Then, in the beginning of this year, I started writing my thesis. I posted one (1) shitpost about him (my well-known and popular son), and got 10s of thousands of notes. Every morning I would wake up to another crowd of people who loved the graphs, or were baffled by them, and I got showered in asks to elaborate on him.

Truth be told, 2023 has been a very heavy year for me. A lot of things happened in my personal life, and I lost a dear friend to suicide. It became so difficult for me to keep writing on my thesis, and the project that should have been finished in June this year has now been taking 4 months too many. My mental health has suffered greatly, I haven't been able to take any breaks, and life has just been generally difficult. I have spent nights not being able to sleep because I wanted to finish my bachelor's thesis so bad, but my supervisors would keep demanding more work, more edits, and more drafts. At some point, I even considered quitting my studies and finding a job.

The community has helped me to keep going. Mathematicians and non-mathematicians alike who sent me genuinely interested questions, made me laugh in the notes, created fanart (??? I'm still baffled by this but the people who did this are the coolest in the world) and generally made me feel for the first time that mathematics isn't a universally hated subject. On some days, the only reason I was able to keep going and the only thing keeping me from experiencing burn-out was the support I got through this blog.

Today, 10/12/2023, I turned in my thesis. Thank you so much for your support!

#my sickly son #math #literally thank you guys so much #this isnt a goodbye or anything its just me being sentimental lmao #ill be able to start posting about other things in the future #probably less things about my sickly son and more idk fun stuff about dynamics/fractals/probability #maybe ill get into fractal art again now that i have the time #right now past me is drafting this after one of the lowest days ive experienced in a few months #just as a reminder that i will be able to post this at some point and i will be done and i will be able to call myself BSc #disclaimer the supervisors did ask for more work but it was also bc my thesis just Was Not That Good for a long while #had to fix a looooooooot of mistakes #no shade on them i love my supervisors a lot

[ra-vio]

im supposed to be studying

#resident evil #resident evil 4 #ada wong #I ACCIDENTALLY MADE THIS CANVAS SO SMALL SO I HAD TO RESIZE AND NOW ITS BLURRY AHHHHHHHH #its fine but ITS NOT FINE IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH LOL #i had to switch mice for this. the other one was so slippery. i dunno if its because its wireless or whatever. that boy go NYOOM #changing the settings didnt help. #anyway. last week i finished the mercenaries and got leons rpd outfit. it was hell. it wasnt but i was in a rush so it was #i think after everything my favorite is still ada cause that grapple gun is everything. the hardest for me was krauser #krauser should have been the easiest cause you just knife everything but i kept slashing dynamite and had to redo the village like 10 times #it was absolute ass. he's the most broken character why would they do that to me #and then immediately after i started on my separate ways professional S+ #its funny someone said the S+ was harder than base game. base game's pro S+ burnt me out so bad #i didnt touch the game for months afterward. separate ways S+ was a cake walk after. you dont even have to fight krauser ovo)b #the most difficult parts are probably the double garradors and the countdown to get to leon at the end #immediately after i got all my achievements I was plunged into a depression like no other. plus i had a discrete math midterm on friday #i am SO SAD. WHO WAS I BEFORE SEPARATE WAYS #i did the same silly thing i did when i drew Link. the shine in her hair says 'Ada' because i have to derive joy from somewhere

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Smell Check [Easy: Failure]

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 1 (part 2 - part 3)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #disco elysium #MDZS Disco Elysium AU #So sad I didn't manage to get this comic out on the 15th (pd-mdzs's 8 month anniversary and DE's 4th year anniversary) but I'm here *now* #I have a very extensive and detailed MDZS Disco Elysium AU that I am Not Normal About. #I've seen a few other people point out the potential in a crossover (true) but they make the mistake in having it be set in 51! #A true crossover would take place closer to The Antecentennial Revolution! #Disco Elysium did not go that hard on its cool lore for people to only make surface level crossovers!!! #One day I'll write the fic or post my notes. I don't know who would read it but it tickles *my* brain and that's enough. #No spoilers for DE (here or in comments (please)) but please consider....Magpie Wei Wuxian B*) On his way to be an innocent. #I do think there is a good chance a chunk of the MDZS readership would enjoy DE but...it's also not a game I easily recommend #It's more of an experience you have to marinate over. It's dark in ways that are off putting to some people. #It makes you feel like a very bad person all the time. It gets extremely personal if you allow yourself to be honest in your answers #and it's also the game that saved my life. My life was truly forever changed after playing disco elysium. #If I recommend it to people it's a badge of the trust I have in you to appreciate something dear to me B'*) #If you decide to play: PLEASE go in as blind as possible. You will regret spoiling yourself. #edit: this is based on real disco elysium dialogue. HDB has many canon kinks but this is not one of them

[icewindandboringhorror]

sneeping with his legs up over his head for some reason... weird boye

#cats #love the second picture... skrungly sleepy well rested boye face... #since he's an elderly boy now sometimes when he wakes up from a nap he looks a bit scruffy and squinty eyed #Hard to beleive he's like 15 though.. he still looks like a kitten to me.. due to his giant round creature eyes and childlike demeanor #I think it's interesting that like... baby cats are babies. kittens are kittens. and you can tell a cat is like 'young adult' phase #looking from like a few months to maybe 1yr or 2yrs.. but after that they just always look the same to me #a 5 yr old cat is a 10 yr old cat is a 15 year old cat. unless the cat in question is particulalry aged or youthful #I still have so so little energy... it's been icy here this week. like not even FUN but just scary icy even thoguh i lOOOVE the cold #and its my favorite weather. I think it'd be okay actually if I had a woodburning stove/fireplace/hearth thing. literally thats my only #concern with the power going out. I genuinely don't mind stuff like having to go to the bathroom in buckets or cook over a fire or do other #less conveninet things. Its just that if eveyrhtng is electric then you have no way to cook and all of that. well.. and I literally need #background noise to go to sleep lest my ocd sprials become so loud I am slowly driven into maddness.. but a few battery packs or something #and a phone with one downloaded video I could play on repeat is fine for that. I dont need internet. ANYWAY.. so so sad that my fav #orite season ever (winter) is here. and the first cold of the winter is like... just an ice storm that you cant even walk in. I #love like 4 feet of snow where you can play in it and stuff. But just a thin flat sheet of a few inches of ice over every imaginable surfac #is not really playable. the wind speeds are so high and so many trees fall it's actually not that safe to go hang out outside anyway unless #you were in a totally clear open field. which is SAD also because i love ice and high winds. i love to stand out there and get whipped in t #he face with ice crystals and feel like I'm in some dramatic movie or something. but alas.. the threat of being attacked by a falling tree. #I did go out some but again it's like. literallyyou cant walk on it. so I just squatted and dragged myself along the ground lol #One of my stories has a whole section where the main characters are trapped in a deadly cold environment for a week and have to use magic #to survive and etc. etc. so I'm always like.. ouuu.. I should go in the ice.. it's Writing Research actually.. *foolishly gets frostbite* #THOUGH yesterday I went on a harrowing evil journey down a bunch of icy hilly roads to go check on some person's cat because the cat #had been left in the house for like 5 days at that point with nobody to check on them and nobody else seemed to want to do anything #about it (like call all of the neighbors or try to get someone out there) so I just went myself with a roommate who agreed to drive me. #It seemed acting totally normal and I gave it more food and water but.. I am still worried about it.. Apparently the person will be able #to get back to their house tomorrow but.. I dont trust them. But I couldnt take the cat with me because it's like.. a stranger's cat #basically and also no carrier + very skittish.. so I feared if I just tried to carry them bare handed they'd definitely leap from my grasp #and then it'd be like.. sliding on a sheet of ice chasing a cat and so on.. I still think they need to be watched for health issues tho >:| #ANYWAY.... many cat adventures lately... and strange weather... I wish for a normal week without always so many Things Happening.. augh

[solargeist]

can u explain the hands in ur most recent grian and xelqua comic perchance

the gloved hand is kingdom of valor, the hesitant one in the middle is YHS, and the last was another au of mine bc I couldn’t think of another tragic grian 😭⭐️

doesn’t make perfect sense, but I liked the idea of reference instead of random implications ? @_@ if that makes sense

#Ask #after finding out what KOV was it’s been haunting me for months I feel so bad I have to save him RETCHES #it’s a very stupid series don’t worry abt it it’s genuinely very boring and badly edited #the only context you need is grian gets graphically assaulted twice and vows to kill everybody after #burning down villages and killing innocent people bc he’s angry and horribly traumatized and no one cares abt him #but the other two actors treat the assaults as complete jokes and it’s honestly rly disgusting to hear so ! Now u don’t need to see it. #I get very obsessed with things so I’ve just occasionally felt sad abt this #AUGH man it’s so upsetting why did they even film it as a joke 😭⁉️ only grian took it seriously I feel so sick abt it #it’s like when people misunderstand Berserk 🔪

[bigothteddies]

one of my dreams as a bright-eyed freshie noob nsfw tumblr user was to one day have my own place with tons of extra rooms and to have partners and kink friends rotating in an out of the house like all the old big kink creators used to on here, making content and gif sets with my friends and enjoying our sexuality together

#unimportant thoughts #doable still? maybe one day #I don’t know ! #used to dream about it a lot #there used to be a big (since cancelled) creator that did a lot of stuff like that #creators would come and stay in his house for month(s) long vacations in between jobs and school #like could you imagine? #going and living with a creator you love for a summer? #getting to make content together snd have fun with no stress or pressure? #I don’t know maybe im alone in this! #BUT #I don’t know itd be nice! #i love the idea of being a Home #maybe not peoples permanent home #i csnt imagine being a lot of peoples healthy long time permanent partner lol #but yk its enough to be Somebody in peoples lives yk? #im happy to be someone who was right for you for a little while #be it a few months or a summer or a year or a few years #im happy with that #i want to end it on a high note and keep going as friends after #i want to still have occasional flings and catch up on each orhers lives all the time #i dont think i can be everyones forever #and itd be greedy to think i could be ! #but i want to be someone people look back on fondly #that people say ‘he was a good influence in my life. i’m happy I was with him. he was the right person for me in a lot of ways’ #i want to be someone people are proud of havin been involved with #i want those tumblr gifsets and relationship maps and talking about how x is moving out to go to grad school soon but we still love each #other and im proud of them for moving to the next stage in life #i want to be a revolving door thats always open! #but it only works if other people want it too! and if those people DO actually value me like tjat

[hum--hallelujah]

me trying to explain to literally anyone why the song Millions by Gerard Way makes me lose my everloving mind no matter where I am or what I'm doing when I hear it

#like I cannot put it into words but I lose it #every time I've tried to type it out to explain it it sounds so wildly unhinged and parasocial but like #I am in fact DEEPLY HAUNTED #like. it's the song directly after brother. this whole album came out what? like 6 months? after mikey was told he should have died from OD #it's like the one(1) instance of mikey vocals that we have other than vampire money and whatever backing he did for EC #(which btw I still can literally never tell who's doing the backing vox on any given electric century song sksknfjsdk) #''let's make up everything and wake up breathing'' feels SO meaningful. ''a million reasons can I be your number one?'' #insane insane insane insane #sorry #she speaks! #gw #hesitant alien #gerard way #way brothers