#adhd. i usually get up and walk a lap in the halls at the hour marks bc. i physically can't hold still. how do people hold still

[wizardnuke]

why did i decide to sit in the very front of this classroom when i could have sat in the back and 1. just pulled up the powerpoint if i can't see if 2. dick around on my puter. during this stupidly long class

#i record the lecture and listen but my god. idk how people can sit thru the whole class #and i genuinely love this class!! it's my favorite!! envisci!! yess tell me more about Plants i love this shit but AAAH #adhd. i usually get up and walk a lap in the halls at the hour marks bc. i physically can't hold still. how do people hold still

[3laxx]

When the Dream ends - Chapter 3

Luz and Amity have a sleepover and Boscha has a breakdown

TRIGGER WARNING - BLOOD - INJURY - PANIC ATTACK

For everyone who is easily triggered by panic or panic attacks, I recommend not reading any further than the Lumity part of this chapter. You won't need the entire Boscha part, just know she's incredibly distraught and has a lot of confusing emotions about fault and making up for it. She has a full-blown panic attack (actually I wrote myself into one thanks to this) and I recommend continuing on your own responsibility. There will be more on Boscha's state and her feelings on the situation in a calmer and safer scene later on. You won't miss anything if you skip this part. A lot of it was already mentioned in the actual scene of the accident and Amity's nightmare. Boscha's feelings will resurface later on and you will know how she feels in future chapters if you don't feel comfortable reading panic attacks with physical reactions.

I'M SERIOUS. ONLY READ IF YOU FEEL ABSOLUTELY SURE, THERE'S NO SHAME IN NOT READING IT.

Ao3 / FF.net

---

It still took Luz a few days to walk by herself again and she hated every second.

Well, not the seconds when Eda and King were visiting. And she loved every second Amity spent with her. And she also enjoyed all the seconds while Willow and Gus were visiting.

Skara, Cat, and Amelia had also paid her a visit and Luz had enjoyed having them all over. They were gentle and careful around her and even helped her get up once to get some snacks from down the hall, even if Amity had protested them carrying Luz.

In the end, it had been a lot of fun though, and they had giggled all the while two of them carried her to the vending machine and two carried her back by interlocking their hands and having Luz sit on them while wrapping her arms around their necks.

Amity had helped to carry her back and Luz had grinned at her constantly, knowing the girl had needed to warm up to her old friends showing up and not being bullies.

Viney, Jerbo, and Barcus had also shown up for a short visit, and Luz and Amity had coincidentally invited over Edric and Emira at the same time, giggling to themselves when Emira had started flirting with the unamused Viney until she had shot back a flirty line only to leave Emira a hot mess.

So, she guessed she didn’t hate every single second of it.

But the walking, the slow progress, and the lonely nights had been horrible.

When she had finally gotten the permission to leave, she had celebrated, even if Eda had put her under strict supervision over the weekend before letting her back to Hexside. She didn’t mind, though.

Strict supervision usually meant games, snacks, and movies, and having friends over once Eda had to get some stuff, run her business of human phenomena or do undisclosed business at undisclosed places.

So, Luz was super happy to be back in the Owl House over the weekend, naturally. With Eda’s permission, she had quickly invited Amity, Willow, and Gus over, but Willow and Gus had other things on their schedule – something about a forgotten homework and some tunnel Gus was babbling about, even if Luz had thought his tunnel underneath Hexside had already been finished.

Having Amity over was really cool, too. Especially since Eda had already announced she’d be out this evening, so she was looking forward to watching a movie and spending the evening with Amity.

 ---

“So, what do you wanna watch?”, Luz began, already grinning at Amity. The girl just shrugged at that, a small smile on her lips. “Your descriptions were a little-… Enthusiastic. Why don’t we just watch something you wanna watch?”

Luz grimaced at that and then pouted at Amity, causing her to chuckle.

“But I like all of these movies! Giving me the choice would break me!”

Amity immediately pointed at a random cover then, her eyes blown wide. She absolutely didn’t want Luz to break over something like this. The girl laughed.

“Okay, that one. That’s the super cute romance!”

Amity suppressed a sigh. Well, this was going to be easy, right?

She only had to make it through 2 hours of two characters getting together, kissing, building up chemistry, without projecting it onto her and Luz.

Already flushing, Amity pressed herself into the backrest and pulled up the blanket while Luz prepared the movie on her magic box, before returning to the couch as well with quite some effort and sitting close to Amity, close enough so she could steal the other half of Amity blanket.

Yelping, she tried hiding her face, then she looked up.

“… Is that too warm for you?”, the teenager asked her, obviously referring to Amity’s red face, but she quickly shook her head while the movie began, trying a smile.

“N-No! I like that.”

Luz smiled and grabbed the snack box, putting it between their thighs on top of the blanket, then the first scene started playing. A short-haired girl introduced herself, and the human world she was living in, before saying she was different than all the others. She was a lesbian.

Immediately, Amity suppressed rolling her eyes.

Suited her right that she had to pick the gay movie.

Luz already giggled at the introduction, then she turned to Amity, way closer than she had expected, making her blush. She was just glad the lights were dimmed now.

“That’s so cliché. I like this movie, but it stays as shallow with the LGBTQ community throughout.”

Amity tried controlling her blazing face.

“Wh-What do you mean?”

Luz shrugged at that, leaning back again and Amity felt herself relaxing, thankfully, “You know, all the drama about it. In movies like these, it’s a huge deal to be gay, and it’s either the scared, closeted character or the over-the-top gay who acts extra. There’s so much more to LGBTQ than that. I was actually quite glad that homosexuality isn’t as big a deal on the Boiling Isles as it is in the human realm. I don’t think it’s even recognized as different here, is it?”

Amity furrowed her eyebrows at that.

“It’s a problem to like the same gender in the human realm?”

For a few minutes, Luz watched the movie when the introduction was over and the story began, then she sighed and shrugged.

“That’s a topic for another time, I suppose.”, she finally said and Amity softly took her hand. Something in Luz’s words sounded heavy, clouded by something that must’ve happened. Pressing pause, Luz looked over to Amity and she slanted her lips.

“Are you sure?”, she finally asked and the human hummed, then she nodded.

“Yes. Don’t worry, I never had problems with that, because my mother is really open-minded and nobody else knew I was bi. But for many others, it’s a huge problem. It’s even a crime to be gay in some places. You’ll see what’s about it in that movie. Let’s just watch?”

Despite the worrying information about the human realm, Amity couldn’t help but replay that one thing Luz had said all over again in her head, even when the movie started picking up and the story got interesting.

She had hoped that Luz was interested in the same gender as well, even if she hadn’t really minded because, in her home, the different sexualities didn’t really matter. But hearing Luz confirming that she wasn’t straight was a relief, almost.

The longer the movie carried on, with the main character starting to chat with another gay girl online, getting problems keeping their sexuality a secret, and finally, everyone turning away from her when it came out. Amity followed the movie wide-eyed, learning how problematic it apparently was in the human realm, while Luz’s head got heavier and heavier.

She still couldn’t concentrate long on something, partly because of her ADHD but also because of the accident. Her mind needed rest.

When it finally got too much, her head dropped on Amity’s shoulder and she finally relaxed. With her head secured, she adjusted the rest of her body now, wrapping one arm across her lap, then she smiled softly and dozed off.

She couldn’t even notice Amity freezing up and blushing furiously again. And she didn’t see Amity’s eyes widening, or her heart skipping a beat. Sleep had taken her fully, leaving Amity to finish the movie by herself. Even if she found the story compelling, though, she couldn’t exactly concentrate anymore once Luz had fallen asleep on her.

Deciding to finish the movie on her own, Amity just settled against her and smiled softly. This was very nice. And before she knew it, she had fallen asleep as well.

 ---

Finally, it was the weekend and Boscha could be home again.

Away from the curious eyes, away from people asking her how she was, what happened and how Luz was doing. She had mostly relied on her friends to keep her out of the crossfire, something Amelia, Skara, and Cat had more than gladly done, but it had only helped so much. Every single gaze, every single question, reduced her to what had happened about ten days ago. And every single time it brought her back to these moments, minutes, she had spent kneeling in the human’s blood and trying to keep her alive.

Her parents, mostly her father, had been understanding enough to schedule her some emergency therapy sessions, and allowed her to stay out of school for a few days. While the therapy sessions had definitely helped, and she had been able to convince her parents she’d need them for a bit longer, she still felt as though this incident followed her every step.

When she looked out the window to see the forest, when she lied down to sleep, when she got up and when she ate. Throughout her whole day, the memories followed her, bothered her, taunted her.

She had injured Luz this way. She had thrown that ball, and her teammates had tried stopping her. She was at fault, she could’ve had this never happen. She should’ve stopped.

Tiredly, Boscha crawled under her sheets and buried her face in the pillow. This was unbearable.

Injuring another witch like that had never made her feel so guilty. Probably mostly because witches were more durable than humans. They could get back up, their injuries healed faster.

Seeing the human knocked out like this, seeing her bleeding out and dying, had been a rapid change from what Boscha knew.

She knew she had acted right after she had realized what she had done. She knew that she had reacted faster than all of them and that she had done the right thing, giving everyone tasks, avoiding them to slip into shock right there and freeze up. She had done the right thing.

That still didn’t excuse that she had done the wrong thing before. That didn’t make anything better, except that Luz was still alive, and well, as Amity had told her. It didn’t make her suffering better. It didn’t make it easier that she would have to adjust and live with what she had done.

Once again, her eyes burned and she growled. She had been crying a lot these days, something she hadn’t done before. She’d also had a lot of nightmares. Nightmares of the human dying, of everyone blaming Boscha.

She had shot up in bed in a cold sweat and cried, cried all night long until she had fallen asleep for the next nightmare again.

But she couldn’t face Luz yet. She couldn’t face her.

In her memories she was always so grey, surrounded by red, and draining of life. She was so weak and helpless and completely at Boscha’s mercy. Boscha liked bossing people around but, never like this. At her mercy, not responding. Still.

She gulped again.

The human’s soft, raspy breaths when she had leaned down to check for it.

Closing her eyes, Boscha groaned again and shook her head. She had never anticipated this, she had never wanted this. And now she was feeling so sick, so twisted. She had done the wrong thing, then the right, and she felt so guilty for both.

By the first throw, she should’ve already known the human wasn’t playing. She should’ve known the human was in real danger at the very moment she had seen the fear flashing in her eyes. But she hadn’t reacted to that, even liked the fear. Because she never would’ve thought something would actually happen. Nothing had happened to Luz before. Nothing would happen to them, they were just teens, right?

And then it had happened. The sickening crack still shook Boscha to her core. The ball leaving her hand and the crack that had followed when she had crushed Luz’s skull against the stone. The flashbacks were coming again and Boscha curled up under her blanket, baring her teeth.

When the human had been thrown back, her eyes rolling upwards and her torso collapsing in itself as the spine was turned to cracked pebbles. She winced.

Then the blood. She hadn’t registered how the wound looked like at first, but the more her shock faded, the more her brain gave her all the details she had burned into her memories by accident. When she had run over and remembered faintly not to damage Luz’s spine more. When, for a super scary second, her hands had hovered helplessly and she had done nothing.

She still dreaded that moment. It couldn’t have been longer than the blink of an eye but her memory stretched it to hours, unmoving, terrifying hours of dread while she stared down at the broken human, hearing her rasping breaths and letting the shock take over her.

And then that moment ended. When she snapped into action.

Her fingers reaching down finally, feeling as though she had just cracked a cover of ice over her skin when she moved, breaking free of her frozen state. The soft pulse, so weak and fragile, underneath her fingertips, her skin getting slick with the warm blood spilling from the human.

She remembered faintly how her grandmother, as strict as she had been, had been baking with her once. Her grandmother hadn’t taken any shit. Especially not from the spoiled five-year-old brat who hadn’t wanted to knead the dough or do the dishes by hand. She remembered her stepping behind the child and folding up her sleeves, before grabbing her hands and forcing them down into the sticky goo. Telling her, “When you work in the kitchen, you don’t use your fingertips and keep your hands clean. You can wash them after. Now knead it properly, child.”

She had done the same with Luz. Not fearing the blood getting on her, not fearing her hands getting dirty. She had just jumped to action, done the right thing, not minded any blood no matter how thick and slimy and warm it had felt on her hands. As if it was holding onto the skin by which it had been trapped before, begging for a way back in.

Luz had been facing down on the ground, and she would never forget the kind of awkward angle her spine had been in. Even in this lying position, she had seen the dangerous injury she had given the human.

Her eyes had flitted from her back to her fingers on her neck, then up to the back of her head. Where the laceration of the hit was. Boscha felt herself getting sick while her body started shivering uncontrollably.

The wound had been horrifying. She hadn’t paid attention to the details when she had been in the situation, but her mind would never forget. How the hair had been flattened down and dampened by red blood, how it had darkened her hair and flowed down her neck, down her back underneath her uniform, and down the sides of her face. The exposed flesh, something hard and red and-… Dark sitting underneath the pulled-back skin. The cracked skull.

Boscha convulsed, then she pressed a hand to her mouth while a pathetic whimper escaped her throat. She had done this. She had thrown the ball that had the speed to split open skin, crack bones. She heaved, then she finally got up to stumble to her bathroom that was attached to her room, and threw up in the toilet.

She would never forget how it moved. How she watched the wound oozing, how she had watched the skin moving with every slight movement of the human.

And the worst had been that, while Luz had been knocked out completely, her eyes had been half-open. She had seen the pain on the human’s face, the whites of her eyes, and the flitting iris sometimes coming into view when her eyes rolled.

Her knees had been damp, she could still feel it while kneeling in front of the toilet. She mistook the cold tiles beneath her knees as wetness, she was sure. But when she looked down, there was red.

Immediately, her eyes watered, and her torso convulsed again, forcing her to heave on an empty stomach. The blood-soaked pajamas climbed up her legs, and she remembered how her clothes stuck to her after that. No matter how much she had scrubbed when she had gotten home, she would never get rid of the iron smell, or the slight, faint coloring of a darker shade, of the dried, edges of the blood on her pink skin.

Desperately gripping the toilet seat, she leaned the side of her face against the edge and sobbed.

She still remembered how warm her forehead had felt when she had checked for Luz’s breathing. She still knew how it had felt, leaning over the human, pressing her forehead into the pool of blood, and feeling her hair getting dampened by the liquid.

She still remembered the raspy breaths, the heaving, and the blood sticking to her hair and face and getting everywhere. She could still feel the cold air hitting her blood-soaked skin when she had leaned back to bark more instructions, and checked Luz’s pulse again. The droplets out of her hair, running down her head, around her ears, down her temples and nose, getting in her eyes and mouth and tasting like iron.

She faintly remembered not wiping it away.

And Amity’s screaming. Her insults, the despair. Titan, the love from that girl. Boscha was glad she had instructed Amelia to trap her in a cage. But that hadn’t made her screams easier to bear, her screams that had morphed into the voice inside Boscha’s head that had been pestering her ever since that accident had started sinking in.

Finally, when they had turned Luz around and Boscha had done her best not to look at the wound, the skull moving when they moved her, her breaths coming to a stop. The sudden silence after the raspy, uneven breaths.

She had leaned down and listened and had heard it, heard Luz’s last breath in another reality, had she not started CPR. She was just glad she was on the grudgby team and everyone suspected harsh injuries in that sport.

It was completely uncommon in the demon realm to perform CPR because either the body of a witch or demon was fast enough to recover or there simply wasn’t enough left to perform CPR on. Boscha was one of the few people in the school, including some teachers, the healing track students, and the grudgby players to even know that practice.

It had been deafening.

Even tuning out Amity’s screams and sobs, and her own intrusive thoughts.

The sudden break had shocked Boscha more than she had anticipated. She only knew breathing. She had known it when her father had held her as a child, she had known it with her sister, and her friends sleeping over and breathing in their sheets while Boscha had lied awake. She had known breathing from Amity, from her panic attacks when they had gotten older, the hyperventilation, and the quickening breaths she had let out. She knew it from Amity when they curled up together, seeking each other’s comfort in their mothers’ competition. She had known breathing in her first kiss, and in the silence of a classroom during an exam. There was always breathing around her.

Hell, some houses in the Boiling Isles were breathing.

And yet, Luz had stopped.

It had been unnerving, understanding that the human had just stopped breathing. Her brain wouldn’t work it out until way later, in the situation she had known it was bad and had known what to do.

But now that she was pushing away from the toilet and leaning against the wall next to it, crying and sobbing hysterically into her arms?

She understood what it had meant, beyond bad.

It had meant Luz had just been moments from her death. She doesn’t think anyone but Skara, who had heard it, too, knew what that had meant. Willow had only sat on Luz’s feet and heard and understood what Boscha had said, but she hadn’t watched the sudden drainage of life from Luz’s face, she hadn’t noticed the forced lifting and sinking of her chest stopping under her hand and she hadn’t heard her last breath.

She hadn’t felt the pulse under Boscha’s fingertips weakening, hiccupping, stopping. Then restarting, before stilling again.

But Boscha had, Boscha had felt and heard and noticed it all, and she had realized what that had meant. Someone had jokingly told her once, that the soul of a being left its vessel with the last breath. Boscha had seen Luz’s last breath, she had seen the life fleeting from her body so fast that she had been scared that she wouldn’t be fast enough.

Letting out a feral scream, Boscha buried her head on her knees and clamped her arms over her head. The world vanished in static when the panic attack took full hold of her now. Her fingertips were uncomfortably pulsing and itching under her skin, mockingly, reliving the feeling of Luz’s pulse getting too weak for her to feel anymore, reminding her of the sudden lack of life.

She knew Luz hadn’t died at that moment, she knew it took a moment still, but it had certainly felt like it.

Her socks kicked against the floor in a desperate attempt to make herself smaller, press her back harder against the tiled wall, and the itching in her fingertips spread to her knuckles, to her palms and wrist, and down her lower arms. Suddenly, she had to get the sleeves off. Ripping her arms off her head, she tried rolling her sleeves up in unpracticed, frantic movements, starting to scratch her skin to get rid of the uncomfortable itching, but it wouldn’t stop. The blood was soaking her skin, the red was crawling up and the itching got worse until she finally ripped her shirt off and started rubbing over her arms, up and down and not noticing that she scrubbed it sore, turning it red, much lighter than the human’s blood.

How the wound on the back of Luz’s head hadn’t stopped bleeding, and how wet it had sounded, Luz’s head rolling around despite Skara’s grip on her to keep her crushed spine straight enough for Boscha to perform CPR. How stupid Boscha had been not to cover the wound. Had she even been supposed to? She didn’t even know now.

Another scream ripped through her throat and she squinted her eyes, biting her teeth together so hard it hurt, while her arms were still working over her biceps, shoulders, and whatever she could reach of her back. She saw the human convulsing, her belly rising and falling with each violent push she had given her chest, compressing the air that was left. As if she was breathing but not quite.

How stale and like iron her lips had tasted when she had blown air into her mouth, hoping so badly that she hadn’t suffered a wound in there somewhere so Boscha wouldn’t force blood into her lungs.

Amity’s screams had become one with the voice in her head, screaming at her to do better than what she had done.

And then, nothing anymore.

When Luz had been gone, and the storm in Boscha’s head had calmed down, the static had died out in the silence. Amity’s weak sobs, Willow’s soft reassurances, and Skara’s and Amelia’s shocked breaths, hitching every now and then when they collapsed in emotional and mental exhaustion.

Boscha whimpered and sobbed more, still rubbing over her arms frantically and still trying to push herself further into the wall.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps, fast footsteps approaching, and the door to her bathroom flew open. Before she knew what was happening, her mother’s arms were around her and her father kneeled in front of her. His expensive business pants got soaked in blood, so much blood that was covering all the floor, Luz’s blood. Boscha whimpered again, when her mother pulled her in, when her father flushed the toilet and sat down beside her as well, his arms wrapping around her cooling back, keeping her away from the wall just a little at least.

She managed to control her crying and whimpering the best she could, softly sobbing now, and felt her mother’s unruly hair on her neck and her nose in her hair.

Her parents held her close, not even caring that she didn’t have a shirt on, and as soon as she had calmed down a little at least, her father started soaking toilet paper in cold water to soothe her burning skin. She felt her mother chastising him, but he was so helpless, and Boscha didn’t want him to stop. Plus, it did help.

Sighing, she finally relaxed into her mother’s embrace and felt her father softly drying her arms again, then she was coaxed up by him, and led back into her room. She barely felt her mother lifting her arms and covering her with the shirt again. It was on backward, but it wasn’t important.

Her father scooped her up in his arms and started carrying her outside, causing a slight, irritating call from his wife, but he just spoke back in a calm voice before carrying her out. Her head was rested against his chest and she heard his heart beating.

Vaguely opening her eyes, she saw that he was aiming for her parents’ bedroom. Looking behind, she saw her mother closing the door to her room and carrying her blanket, before following them.

This was a privilege she would not pass up. Being able to sleep in her parents’ bed at least for tonight. Her parents believed in independence much like Amity’s, but she knew they had her back if something happened.

And if it left their daughter traumatized, they would move mountains for her. In the caring department, her parents weren’t that bad, even if there was mostly discipline in it, but the loving didn’t come too short in exceptional situations. She supposed this was one.

Her father lowered her down in the middle of the bed and kissed her forehead, before crawling in in his side and getting under his blanket, while wrapping his arm around her waist and keeping her close. Boscha managed an exhausted smile, then she felt a gust of wind, and her blanket sunk down on her before she felt her mother getting into bed as well and adding her arm around Boscha’s waist as well. She knew her mother wasn’t the most affectionate type, but she appreciated the effort she had put in today.

It was much needed.

With her father’s breath deepening, and her mother’s humming, she slowly felt herself getting drowsy and falling asleep. She had a feeling she’d have a nightmare tonight again.

But maybe, just maybe, she’d be exhausted enough not to dream at all.

And maybe the presence of her parents would also help her through this.

---

I will go now and uh. Calm down.

#toh #the owl house #amity blight #luz noceda #fanfic #lumity #boscha #panic attack #trigger warning #panic #angst #my work

[schnees-and-schnugs]

head empty baby schneebling ficlet ??? (just so yall know i had no idea what this was going to be about until i started typing so im gonna be surprised by what i write too). if it seems that winter has chronic ADHD brain in this fic its bc i have chronic ADHD brain and that’s just how i roll.

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  Winter tried to ignore the meowing as long as she could. After all, there was not a single feline creature to be found in the manor, so either she’s dreaming or hallucinating. Or maybe her ears are ringing from her father’s latest tantrum. 

  Being held hostage at the dinner table and forced to listen to his incessant barking voice ought to have caused me permanent brain damage. She smirked under her covers. Now if I can close my eyes and go back to sleep-

  “MEEEEROOOWOOW”

  What the fuck is that?

  Winter knew she ought to get up but she really did not want to. Her thighs ached from horse riding lessons earlier in the day. Her head ached from her business studies her father forced down her throat. Her soul ached from the pain of existence. She was beginning to think she was being punished for some transgression- if being unbelievably charming and sexy deserved- actually, I don’t think I’m going to finish that train of thought. 

  Winter could only tolerate her own sense of humor in small doses, but giver her situation- her entire life up to this point- she didn’t think having an unbecoming jocularity was high up on her list of Current Problems and Tragedies. In fact, it’s quite low given that her father makes up the better part of the first half. 

  She rolled onto her side, one ear muffled by her pillow, and the other under the soft thick layer of her cotton blanket. The noise seemed to have disappeared, and Winter was quite okay with that. She wondered briefly of the possibility of a mountain lion finding its way into the Schnee Estate. She wasn’t even sure if wild animals such as that existed in Solitas, much less bright and pristine Atlas. Winter wasn’t even sure if mountain lions meowed. 

  If a beast made it’s way into the manor, what would I even do? No doubt she would try to locate the animal, gather Weiss and Whitley in her arms and stow them somewhere safe. Maybe even use a piece of meat to lure the lion into father’s bedroom, she mused. Winter tried lull herself back to sleep with the thought of her father begging her for mercy as she unleashes her new pet-

  “MREEEEEEEEEEEWOOOOOOOOOOOOOW”

  Her eyes snapped open. Gods-

  A soft muffled voice followed the feline yell. A familiar voice. A voice exactly suited for one little boy she new very well. 

  Winter narrowed her eyes and listening closely. She could tell it was Whitley from the general childish sound of his tone, but due to her very comfortable position in bed, she couldn’t quite her the specifics. Huffing, she sat up and pricked up her ears.

  “... quiet....please kitty... you’re going to wake up....”

  Winter sputtered. Kitty?

  Did Whitley somehow bring a cat into the manor? She didn’t doubt that given the chance he would- he was overly fond of animals in a way that Winter never understood. Not that she hated animals per se, but the idea of the added responsibility of a pet on top of her already ever-growing responsibilities of being heir to the SDC did not sit well with her. Whitley on the other hand, being the third child, and well, and actual child, didn’t really have much to care about beyond his normal tutoring sessions. Which means that, of course he can have a tiny bird feeders outside his window to feed the little birdies and cry at the sight of a roasted chicken because how could they kill and cook and innocent little animal?

  Winter didn’t understand how a child under 10 years of age could be taken by vegan persuasions- even Father was shocked to silence at that outburst at the dinner table.

  The sound of Whitley’s voice faded out as Winter strained her ears. If he did bring a cat into the manor, she needed to fix that immediately. Father would be furious at not only being woken up in the middle of the night but Whitley breaking the strict rule of no animals whatsoever allowed indoors.

  Father is allergic.

  (What animal he’s allergic to is unknown, but Winter suspects he’s just afraid of them).

  Sliding off the bed, Winter winced at the feeling of cold tile on her bare feet. She simultaneously thought of giving Whitley a good scolding for making her roll off of bed at such an ungodly hour and thanking the Gods that Whitley’s room was right next to hers on the other side of the wall. And the farthest away from Father’s room.

  Sliding her feet into a pair of pale blue fluffy slippers, she cautiously stepped out of her room and into the hallway. The moment the clock strikes 12 the hallway lamps usually shut off on their own, leaving at least this portion of the manor pitch black until the sun rises and lights up through the windows. If Father was working late he would manually change the lights to turn off at a later time- only to suite himself, of course. Everyone else who had the misfortune of living in the manor had to finish up and be back in their rooms by midnight or suffer having to find their room in the dark among the endless doors that lined the hallway. Winter had mastered the art of blindly walking down this hall- but not without multiple mishaps and embarrassments at first, unfortunately. 

  Arms outstretched, Winter felt her way from her doorway to Whitley’s room. She kept close to the wall and tiptoed, feeling for the doorknob before pressing her ear against the room door.

  “Are you hungry little kitty?” There was an affirmative purr and Whitley hummed. “I’m going to have to find you some treats...”

  Winter could practically hear the cogs turning in his little adolescent mind. She knew for sure that Whitley was formulating a plan to break into the food storage for the animals in Mom’s garden- would they even have any cat food in there? He surely is going to be disappointed. 

  Winter sighed. She almost wished she had stayed in bed. She turned the knob and nudged open the door, prompting Whitley to softly gasp. 

  “Winnie!” She heard him quickly shift on his bed. Winter stepped fully into the space before gently closing the door behind her. She turned towards him and assessed the scene before her. Whitley, in his white nightgown, sat in the middle of the bed. He was cradling a suspicious lump wrapped up with his blanket while his round face was contorted by a small frown as he stared back at his oldest sister.

  “Father says that we shouldn’t leave out room after midnight”, the lump shifted and Whitley clutched it tighter.

  “Father also says we aren’t allowed to bring animals into the manor...” Winter crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s that on your lap?”

  “Nothing!”

  “Are you sure?” Whatever annoyance Winter felt melted away at the sight of Whitley pouting. She sauntered playfully to the edge of his bed and wiggled and finger in his face. “Are you lying to me? Your older sister Winnie? You’re lying to me?”

  Whitley broke eye contact. “Well...” The lump mewed and a furry white paw extended from out of the cover of the blanket. Winter raised a brow.

  “That looks suspiciously like a cat.” Winter crawled into his bed and uncovered the little creature. The cat loafed on Whitley’s lap, grooming the pristine white fur on around its pink paw beans. It looked to be a few years old. 

  “Isn’t it pretty?” Whitley caressed the cat’s back, having already moved on from the earlier argument. Winter tried to pat its head but the little critter swiftly dodged her palm and scampered to the edge of the bed and curled up, seemingly to sleep. Rude.

  There’s a more present matter at hand anyways.

  “Where did you find it?” Winter turned her attention back to her little brother.

  “Her”

  “What?”

  “It’s a she, Winnie! Look at her butt!” Winter politely declined the suggestion. She had no interest in inspecting the cat’s backside- she didn’t seem to like Winter anyways.

  “Well, where did you find her?” 

  “I didn’t find her! Mr. Hartley gave her to me”

  “The grounds keeper?”  Winter scoffed. “Why would he give you a cat?”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “Why don’t you don’t believe me?” His eyes started to brim with tears and he grabbed Winters right hand with his own two smaller ones. “Father said we’re not allowed to bring animals in here but I didn’t know what to do! Mr. Hartley said he’s leaving but he can’t take her with him. I said I would keep her. But Father is going to yell at me if he finds out- I’m scared...” 

  Winter’s chest ached at the desperation in Whitley’s voice. This isn’t normal is it? For a child to be so terrified of their parent like this. When she was his age, she felt the same way- so scared and vulnerable. It was the end of the world to get negative attention from Father, and most of the time it seemed to be the only type of attention he gave. It almost seemed par for the course all those years ago. She didn’t know any better- it was just the norm.

  Looking at Whitley, petrified like she was- she could see the abuse from the outside. Almost as if she’s watching her own experiences and she’s chained to a front row seat. Except she didn’t have an older sibling to hold her hand and to share the pain with. To protect her. To defend her. Isn’t that what she always wanted in the worst days of the past? Couldn’t she be that now?

  Whitley couldn’t keep the cat. There was no amount of convincing that could make Father give in- it’s always been about his own ego, more than anything. But that doesn’t mean that Father has to know this cat was ever here in the first place. Atlas has plenty of animal shelters, and having a pet cat was in vogue now. She would convince Whitley to let Klein take the cat to the nearest one in the morning. Father would never know if they were discrete. 

  “Winnie...” Whitley’s bright blue eyes searched her face.

  Winter grabbed him under his arms, and with little struggle, sat him between her stretched out legs. She hugged him around the waist from behind and softly told him her plan. 

  “... do you want to do this with me?”

  Whitley sniffed. “I can’t keep her?”

  “Father won’t allow you to. We can make sure the kitty is safe and taken care of though... Klein will do this for us, I know it. You won’t get yelled at and you can tell her goodbye in the morning. Father will be none the wiser.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that he’ll never know.”

  Whitley was quiet for a few seconds before Winter felt him nod softly beneath her chin. “Can I sleep with her tonight?”

  Winter blinked. She forgot it was currently hours past Whitley’s bedtime. He must be half asleep.

  “Yes. Just make sure to keep her in your room, okay? I’ll leave a message for Klein to see in the morning. Don’t...” She paused. She noticed Whitley breath start to even out as he fell asleep against her.

  I suppose I’m going to be sleeping her tonight also. She needed to make sure that this all goes well. However, Winter couldn’t ignore the uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. Was she just getting Whitley used to this? Hiding secrets out of fear? Was she allowing Father to have his way in Whitley’s eyes? Getting Whitley accustomed to living under Father’s thumb? She was just trying to protect him. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of selfishness, that she was denying Whitley happiness for the sake of peace with their Father.

  Mom always told her to choose her battles carefully. 

  She couldn’t help but feel that if she chose all the wrong ones, she’ll end up hurting Whitley beyond repair.

#rwby #whitley schnee #winter schnee #fic

[ace-in-a-shopping-cart]

Director’s Cut Chapter 23: Epilogue

Director’s cut chapter 22

A few months after their engagement, the wedding day arrived. They’d decided to combine the mer wedding ceremony and Logan’s pre-wedding traditions into a multi-cultural event. Logan threw himself into his work, desperate to have Patton home before his wedding. Virgil did his best to arrange the wedding with Orville and Dorothy’s help. He’d had to pull Logan away from his desk most nights as he tried to go through a paper trail. As it was, Thomas had to almost physically restrain him from going after Patton.

Soon enough, the day came when Patton was home and the wedding was scheduled. They’d explained their customs ahead of time so when Virgil was woken by a knock on his door in the early hours of his wedding day, he wasn’t startled. Excitedly, he jumped from his bed and opened the door to find Thomas, Orville, and Patton standing outside it.

“Is it time?” Virgil bounced on his toes just the slightest bit, wide awake despite the sun barely touching the horizon.

Thomas chuckled. “It is. Go ahead and grab what you need before we whisk you away.”

“I’d recommend grabbing a book or two,” Orville said, “we’re expecting to be there for at least the majority of the day.”

Virgil nodded and pointed at the bench at the foot of the bed, a small pile of essentials already set atop the first volume of the continent’s history. “I’ve finished the history of just Treyal and moved on to all of Lgona. Any suggestions as to what else I should bring?”

Patton stepped into the room, his new coat fluttering around him, and went to search through Virgil’s dresser. “Do you have anything distinctly mer?”

Virgil walked into his closet to change into some comfortable travel clothes. “I’ve got my jewelry, a staple of mer culture.” He walked back out and started to pick up the things on the bench to place them in a bag. “Will that work?”

Patton nodded. “Come over here and pick out one that you think Logan would recognize. It needs to be at decent difficulty as this is supposed to be a challenge.” Virgil came over and easily picked out the armband that Elliott had given him, the one that usually sat just above his elbow.

As soon as that was picked out and any other jewelry Virgil thought he’d need was put into the bag, the group made their way down the stairs. Looking back, Virgil could already see his ‘ransom note’ taped to Logan’s door for him to find when he woke up.

✴ ✴ ✴

An hour later, Logan buckled his sword belt on as he walked down the stairs, his boots thudding against the wood. Roman was standing at the bottom of the stairs, bouncing on his toes as he tried to block as much of the space as possible. Logan chuckled and paused in front of him. “What’s the meaning of this interruption?” The question was stern but his voice was soft and laced with laughter.

Roman grinned. “I’m a distraction!”

Logan nodded and stepped past him, gently placing a hand on his head as he did. You’re a very good distraction, nephew of mine.”

He made his way out the front door, a giggling Roman on his heels, and reread the note he’d found on his door as he sat on his motorcycle. “Your first challenge is where you first met.” He read aloud before turning to Roman. “Alright, do you have a place you’re supposed to be?”

Roman screwed his mouth to the side. “Yeah, I do.”

Logan smoothed out his hair before patting him on the head. “Off you go then, ring bearer.”

Roman scampered off and Logan put on his helmet before starting the motorcycle, revving the engine, and driving off. It didn’t take him long to reach the cliff.

There, Patton was waiting for him. He smiled from his position behind a folding table. “Hey there! Care to test your luck?”

Logan walked over, pushing his visor up. “Is this the first test?”

“Yep!” Patton gestured to the items on his table. “Which is Virgil’s, what does it mean to him, and how did he get it?”

Logan looked at the table and found a few different bracelets and armbands but one stood out to him. He picked it up gently. “This is Virgil’s armband. It signifies his relationship with his sibling Elliott and they gave it to him as a gift.”

Patton nodded. “You must really listen to him when he talks.”

“Of course, how could I not?” Logan smiled as he put the armband in his bag. “He never ceases to amaze me with his words. I never know what he’s going to talk about next.”

“Alright, you big sap! Get out of here!” Patton handed off a slip of paper that contained the next location and Logan didn’t wait for him to pack up before he was turning around and reading it.

“The candy store.”

He was back on the road and on his way to the town before Patton even had the chance to wave at him. He arrived at the candy store and spent a second looking for someone he recognized when Orville appeared beside him.

“Your next task is to pick out a candy for him.”

Logan frowned. “Are you sure we’re playing by the traditional rules? My next task should be solving a riddle that leads to my next location.”

Orville laughed and shrugged. “Yeah, but he asked if we could bring him some sweets. We’re already here and you know him best.”

Logan nodded and turned to walk down the aisle. Tucked in the corner, he found a box of all kinds of chocolates shaped like seashells. Remembering Virgil had once mentioned he thought better with chocolate, he went ahead and paid for it. Returning to Orville, he showed him the chocolates and got a paper in the shape of a star for his troubles. Chocolate contains dopamine, a chemical that allows the brain to focus. ADHD people experience a severe lack of dopamine that chocolate helps with.

He laughed. “Were you bored again?”

Orville just shrugged. “Get out of here!”

Logan nodded, putting the chocolates in a temperature controlled side pocket. He sat on his motorcycle as he carefully unwrapped the intricately folded star and read the riddle:

“Where shining scales lay between gilded pages

And countless hours were spent

There you shall find your next testament

To the fire that burns within your heart for him.”

He smiled and set off back toward the castle. He put the bike away and made his way down the halls to the library. Pushing the door open, he took a second to soak up the smell of books and sunlight, the feel of the warmth on his face.

When he opened his eyes, he strode over to the bookshelves in the back, where the history books were kept. He scanned the shelves, looking for the next book Virgil would be reading, as he usually put his favorite bookmark in it beforehand if he couldn’t get to it right away, only to find it missing. The tapping of shoes on wood sounded behind him and he spun around, hand going to his sword.

Thomas approached, his hand poised to draw his sword. “How much do you love Virgil, Logan?”

Logan smiled but didn’t relax. “With my whole heart. He’s my whole world and more.”

“Then fight for him!” Thomas unsheathed his sword and rushed Logan, barely giving him time to draw his own sword.

The clang from the impact rang out as Logan was pushed back into the shelves. He threw Thomas off and started on the offensive, slashing and thrusting at him as if this were a real battle to the death rather than a traditional duel with dull blades. Thomas backed out the doorway and into the hall, giving them both more room to move around.

They spun around, Thomas now forcing Logan to walk backwards down the hallway as he defended himself from his older brother. If he hadn’t been running through these corridors since he could toddle after the other two, he might have tripped over the statue that stood against the wall. As it was, he used it to spin his back around and push Thomas down to the floor.

Thomas rolled and came up just in time to defend from Logan’s downward swing. He pushed back up but stayed on the defensive for a bit as Logan forced them both down the hall. The dance went on for the length of the hall until Logan had Thomas’ back pressed to the wall, Logan’s sword at his throat and Thomas’ on the ground.

“Do you yield?” Logan asked.

Thomas smiled. “I do.”

Logan pulled his sword away from the others throat, putting the blade back into its sheath. “Have I passed the test?”

Thomas’ smile widened as he clapped him on the shoulder. “You have and I couldn't be prouder. Happy Day, Brother.”

Loan grinned back at him. “Thank you. Now, where have you hidden my groom?”

Thomas laughed. “This way.”

They walked down the hall in companionable silence. Logan just now noticed how late it was, being midafternoon already. He picked up a small cluster of grapes from a side table as he passed, sharing them with Thomas. The crown prince had most likely been waiting with Virgil the whole day to keep him company and make sure he wasn’t too bored.

They reached a door and Thomas gestured for Logan to go first, letting the couple have a moment of privacy. The younger prince thanked the elder, briefly clasping his shoulder on his way in.

Logan pushed the door open to find Virgil, his nose buried in a book as it usually was. He chuckled and approached his fiance, dipping down onto one knee to be level with Virgil in his chair.

 “Hey,” He said, his voice soft.

Virgil looked up, almost dropping the large tome he’d balanced on his lap like it was a small paperback, and smiled as his face brightened. “Hi.”

Logan leaned into his personal space just a bit. “Still willing to put up with this family?”

Virgil nodded, his smile widening into a grin. “Of course! They’ve been nothing but kind this whole time and I can’t wait to spend forever with you.”

Logan stood and held a hand out to him. “Well then, shall we go do just that?”

Virgil took the hand and allowed Logan to pull him to his feet and into his arms. They stayed in the hug for a moment, both reluctant to pull back. Eventually, they did pull away and moved to join Thomas outside, still holding hands.

Thomas smiled at them before leading the way down the hall. “Happy Day to you both.”

Virgil looked at Logan in confusion. “People have been saying that to me all day. What does it mean?”

“It’s something people say to engaged couples on the day of the wedding. It both acknowledges that it is a happy day for the couple while also giving them a little wish that it stays that way.”

Virgil nodded and hummed, leaning his head into Logan’s briefly. “We have a similar saying in my culture. We say ‘Many Wishes’ as a way of blessing the day.”

Thomas smiled at the pair as they arrived at the changing room. “Alright you two, go get ready for your big day.”

They both went into the room, which had been divided in half for the illusion of privacy. Little signs that hung on the screen divider directed Logan to the right and Virgil to the left. When they came back out, Logan couldn’t help but stare at Virgil. His hair was like it had been at the party, swept off to the side and as neat as it would get, and he was wearing a pure white shirt and pants with a softly purple jacket.

Logan’s own outfit was similar, a white shirt and pants with a light blue jacket and a tie that matched Virgil’s jacket. His hair was swept back and his crown was firmly in place.

Logan smiled as they rejoined Thomas and continued walking. “Many Wishes, my north star.”

“Happy Day, pebble.”

Thomas laughed as they reached the wedding hall. “Many Wishes to the cutest royal couple around.”

Logan’s head spun to face him and his lips tilted up mischievously. “I’m telling Orville you said that!”

Thomas’ eyes widened. “Wait, no!”

“Too late! No take backs!” Logan tugged on Virgil’s hand and the pair entered the hall.

The guests were all seated and ready as it was mer tradition for the couple to come down the aisle together. Thomas slipped in around them, taking the time to stick his tongue out at Logan, before he crouch-ran to the front to sit with the rest of the royal family. The traditional wedding march began to play as the royal couple started down the aisle.

Remy winked at them from the crowd, a cowed Janus by their side. Logan turned his head away and back to Virgil’s father. The entire royal mer family had been given legs and the ability to use them for the duration of three days, today being the second, courtesy of Remy apologizing for Janus’ actions. So, the mer king had agreed to officiate the wedding.

Virgil and Logan reached the front and the pianist stopped, moving back to her seat in the crowd. Virgil’s father, King Murphy, raised his hands to quiet any lingering chatter. “We’ve gathered today to celebrate the shining light within these two wonderful souls. My son,” he placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, “and the man he trusts with his life,” his other hand was placed on Logan’s shoulder. “Now, do you have vows prepared?”

Virgil nodded and pulled out a sheet of paper, smiling at Logan in a way that was just for him. “Logan, you have become my lover, companion, and best friend. I wouldn’t choose to spend forever with anyone else. Your love gives me hope, your smile gives me joy, you make me a better man. I promise to stay by your side, that you will never have to face the world alone as we walk together through life. I will love you with every second that slips through our hands like sand.”

Logan smiled, his eyes shining with tears. “Virgil, you are the strength I didn’t know I was missing. I promise to love you past the day the world crumbles. I promise to share my whole heart and mind with you and to show you every day how deeply I care about you. I will love you loyally and fiercely, never to make you worry. I promise to be there to catch you when you fall, carry you over every threshold, and fall in love with you all over again every time the sun rises.”

King Murphy made a subtle gesture and the musician started up again, this time having Roman come down the aisle with the rings on a pillow. His face was one of concentration, the boy desperate not to drop the jewelry. They were relatively simple bands, made of silver with a simplistically curling wave carved into them. In the center of the outside, a small starburst was carved into it.

They all thanked Roman as he successfully brought the rings up. Logan and Virgil both took the rings, knowing by size which to give to the other. Logan slid Virgi’s ring onto him, knowing the words that were carved into the inside of the band read ‘Jewel of the sea’ as he said, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Virgil carefully guided the other ring to rest at the base of Logan’s finger, the inside reading ‘Jewel of my heart’ and repeated the words back, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Turning, King Murphy picked up a long strand of seaweed. “This is a symbol of the strength of a marriage. In my culture, it is tied around the tails of the engaged to be married couple. However,” he chuckled good naturedly, “that’s not as easy to do here. So, it’ll be used to join their wrists.”

Gently, Virgil’s left wrist and Logan’s right one were laid on top of the seaweed, the plant carefully tied over them. “The longer this stays tied,” King Murphy continued, “The happier the marriage is said to be.” He lifted the joined hands so the entire crowd could see them. “I now pronounce you man and mer. You may kiss the groom.”

Logan’s left hand came up to cradle Virgil’s face as he placed a gentle kiss on Virgil’s lips. When they pulled away, he smiled. “Hello, Husband.”

Virgil giggled, light and airy and so inherently him it made joy bubble in Logan’s chest. “Hello, Husband.”

Five minutes later, they were greeting guests, still joined at the wrist. It was awkward but they did manage to cut the cake and eat something without damaging the seaweed. They mingled with the guests and even danced together, getting in a lovely slow dance as the sun set. By the time the stars were showing on the horizon, Virgil was drooping against Logan. His head was bumping against Logan’s, his hair tickling the back of Logan’s neck and he was, accidentally or not, nudging the crown off his head.

Logan laughed. “Alright, darling, we’ll leave.”

Virgil took a sharp intake of breath. “What? I’m awake.”

Logan couldn’t help but smile fondly at his very tired husband. “Just let me say goodbye to a few more guests and we can go, alright?”

Virgil nodded. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”

The last guest they moved to say their farewells to was Remy, who smiled and tilted their sunglasses down. “It was a pleasure to attend. I’m surprised I was even invited.”

“We thought it was only fair to give you an invite as, without you, I don’t think we ever would have had the chance to fall in love.” Virgil replied.

“Well, in that case, thank you again. Now, I do have an actual gift for you two.”

Virgil smiled. “Gifts aren’t required.”

Logan laughed. “I’d like to say you’ve done enough but I admit I’m curious as to where this is going.”

Remy nodded. “Understandable, babes. Don’t worry, this one will be harmless.” He waved a hand and the amulet around his neck glowed again as Logan felt the pollen-like magic settle over him again. “Now, you both have the ability to switch between tail and legs at will. That way, you don’t have to ask me over every time you wanna see the in-laws.”

Logan smiled. “Thank you, Remy.”

The pair made their way over to where Orville and Patton had already set up a car, their bags in the back. It was a bit of a dance to get them both in there but it worked and soon Virgil was curled against Logan’s side as the car drove off into the night, headed for their honeymoon. 

Director’s cut masterpost

#jots #virgil sanders #logan sanders #analogical #c!thomas #child! Roman #roman sanders #patton sanders #remy sanders #janus sanders #mer!virgil #adhd!virgil #the little mermaid au #ace writes #director's cut #jots bonus features

[earthghoul-mp4]

Idk what am doing(Also Trigger warning !!Abuse, Self-harm mentions, Drug use and Self starvation!!)

Alright so context: These characters are the Alternate versions of two other characters which is why there reffered to as “Alter Siri, Alter Subaru, Alter Kou, Alter Rina, Alter Melon’ and ‘Alter Akai” Subaru, Kou and Melon are all vampires in theyre universe and all of the (except Alter Siri) are part of the Crimson rose’s mafia (I didnt come up with most of this stuff, This happened a while back when I had discord) Alter M(Melon) has been shown to have a crush on Alter R(Rina), Alter S and K(Subaru and Kou) are dating. No one really knows about Alter Siri. Alter A(Akai), Is a dick-head brother. He and Alter M are twins with her being the younger of the two. Alter A has always been abusive, physically and mentally. So Alter M’s trust issues and low esteem, stem from him. Alter M and Alter S, intentionally chose, not to bite Alter R or Alter K. (Even though both have been very adamant about them doing so-) Alter R is in fact a Demon- (Not really sure what kind though-) UHM- Oh yeah, Alter M and Alter A’s parents were murdered when they were very young and Alter A was thought to be dead as well. (WHICH HE WASNT) Alter R’s mother was killed by Alter R’s hand and Alter R’s sister also died. Alter S and Alter K have been trying to set up Alter M and Alter R because its painfully obvious they like each other. THE MAIN THINGS TO REMEMBER: Alter A is a dick, Alter M is SUPPOSED to feed off Alter R but refuses to do so, Alter S and Alter K are the chaotic duo of the four, and Alter Siri stays out of their bullshit at all costs. Alter M and Alter K both have ADHD

Alter R lay awake on her bed staring up the ceiling. The storm outside was making it pretty hard to sleep, so there wasn’t any point in trying. There was a quiet knock on her door and Alter R looks up to see Alter M  standing half-asleep in the doorway. “Cant sleep either, huh?” Alter M shook her head and walked over to Alter R. “Storms are always so pretty but they make too much noise..” Alter M  whines as she flops onto Alter R’s bed. “Sounds like you-” Alter R realized how that sounded, but apparently Alter M didn’t. “Nuh uh, I dont make nearly as much noise as Kou-chan, and Baru-chan” Alter R laughed a bit “I’ve always found that family dynamic you three have very interesting.” Alter M sits up “Whats that s’posed to mean?” Alter R smiled “It just means that you three never cease to confuse me, Especially you” Alter M folds her arms across her chest “What’s that supposed to mean?!” Alter R sighs “I just mean, Ive never understood you, Or any of you for that matter. I’m not good with people, and probably never will be” The storm outside seeed to die down some to the point where it was just rain and Alter M smiles. “What’s got you all smiley?” Alter M’s hands ball up into fists and shake a little “Hehe! The rain! Do you hear it?” The gentle pitter-patter of the rain on the roof had Alter M’s brain go nuts, and Alter R found it adorable “Yeah, I do. It is a nice sound, huh?” Alter M smiled widely and nodded happily. Alter R laughed “You find the strangest things amazing, Alter M” Alter M drew her face into an angry pout “Nuh-uh I dont.” Alter R looked at her skeptically “How many people do you know can go from crying to almost perfectly fine when given a frog plush?” Alter M didnt respond “Thats not fair! Buttons is the best comfort plushie!” Alter R laughed. Alter flopped backwards onto Alter R bed and turned over to face the wall. “Aw c’mon-” Alter shook her head “Nu!” Alter R took a minute to decide what to do. “Hmm...Hehe...” Alter R decided to pick up Alter M. It wasnt hard with how small Alter M is. “Put me dooown, meanie” Alter R sat Alter M in her lap “Better?” Alter M was not prepared for that “HHHHHH-” Alter R was kinda oblivious to Alter M’s crush on her since she felt like she didnt deserve to be loved so she hid her feelings for Alter M, and hoped they’d just go away. Alter M hid her face in the collar of her sweater “Thats not fair...” Alter R laughed a little “How?” Alter M turned away “Cuz!” “Pfft- “cuz” how?” Alter M flapped her arms quickly “Cuz because!” Alter R realized how tired Alter M looked “Hey...When’s the last time you slept?” Alter M didnt respond “Alter M...” Alter M shrugged “I dunno...two..three days ago?” Alter R sighed “Its not my fault! Trying to sleep is hard” Alter R knew how that was. There were countless nights where she couldn’t sleep at all even if she tried. “When’s the ast time you had any water?” Alter M drew a black once again “Alter M!” Alter  pulled her collar further over her face “I’m sorry!” Alter R sighs “Stay here, alright?” Alter M nodded. Alter R got up and walked down to the kitchen. “I shouldn’t be so hard on her, Its not her fault...But she’ll keep doing if someone doesn’t tell her other wise” Alter R sweared under her breath and folded her arms on the counter “Ri-chan...?” Alter R forgot Subarus and Kou’s room was down the hall from the kitchen “Hey Subaru..” Alter S walked over to her “You okay?” Alter R nodded “Yeah I’m fine, its super early though. You should get back to sleep.” Alter S just looked at her. “Yo hear yourself right? I should sleep? Whens the last time you had a full 8 hours of sleep, huh?” There wasnt an answer “Thats what I thought. Now what been keeping you up at night? Somethings bound to be wrong if you’re the one distraught” Alter R walked over to the fridge to get some waters “No ones distraught, alright?” Alter S knew better than that. “Then why is it that every night this week, without fail, You’ve been up in the middle of the night....For what?” Alter clenched her fist around one of the waters “For the last time...Its nothing!” Alter S let it go this time. “Just take of yourself, alright?” Alter R nodded and headed back upstairs. Alter S sighed and got a cup of ramen “She’s the one who worries me...She stretches herself thin for everyone else and just acts like she’s fine. I just wish she didnt keep everything bottled up. Both of them! Her and Mel-chan” 

Alter M had fallen asleep on the end of Alter R’s bed “I didn’t tell her she had to stay awake..” Alter R picked up her phone to check the time “Damn...Its already three- thirty..” Alter R threw one her extra blankets over Alter M. Alter just curled up underneath of it, “pfft- That’s not how you use a blanket” Alter M picked up her head “Hm...?” Alter M sat up sleepily and looked at her. “Nothing, Nothing. I didnt say anything” Alter M hugged Alter R “Oh- ok...?” Alter R was never really one for physical affection, shes only ever really let Alter M hug her, any physical contact really. “Hey...You can let go now..” Alter M only hugged her tighter and Alter R realized she had fallen asleep. “Ah...Jeez...” Alter R was too tired at this point to care, so  she just laid own with Alter M still hugging her. Around seven or so Kou came around to check on Alter R since she’s usually up by then. “Awww!” Alter R had held onto Alter M the whole night. Its not uncommon for Alter M to e hugging something especially when she’s asleep. Its more uncommon to see Alter R hugging anyone for long periods of time. “I dont think either of them have actually, slept, in a while” Kou walked off leaving Alter R and Alter M to sleep. Kou went to go get Subaru who had ultimately fallen alseep on the couch “Oiiii! Subaru.” Subaru rolled over off the couch “AGH- Shit!” Kou kicked him “SHHH- Ri-chan and Mel-chan are still sleeping” Subaru punched him “B!tch” Kou gasped dramatically “Ooo Ouch what a burn” Subaru just looked at him. Alter R stared down at them from the top of the stairs. They both knew they fucked up, Alter M appeared behind her looking half dead. “Im going back to bed...” Alter M turned on her heel and walked down to her room.  “Wait yall two was in the same room???” Alter R walked down the stairs “Uhm...Yeah?” Alter S nodded “Mhm...” Alter R just gave him a confused look and went to get a coffee “And your still sure you dont have feelings for her?” Not many things can catch Rina off guard...This however, Caught her very off-guard “Yes I’m sure!” Alter S and Alter K gave her a look like “Uh huh” “Yeah well your face just about as red as your eyes” Rina threw a spoon at him “You shut your mouth!” They both started laughing and Rina just sipped her coffee “I’m gonna kill you both in your sleep...” Alter M stomped out of room “If y’all don’t shut the fuck up, I will burn all of your clothes” Everyone just looked at her “Let this be a godammned warning” Rina just kinda looked at her “Uhm- Okay then...” “Kinda saw that oe coming she’s always pissed off about something- Its just easier to piss hernoff if shes tired” Alter M threw her shoe at him “Ya damn right” Rina laughed and so did Kou “Thats not funny that hurt!” Melon went to grab a redbull but Rina stopped her. “Eh?” Rina looked her dead in the eyes and just told her “No” Melon just kinda looked at her “Fine” and went to go sit down. Rina grabbed her wrist “Subaru, Kou...Out. Now” Subaru and Kou knew something was boutta happen but when Rina said something ya best listen. Both of them left the room. “What?” Rina leaned back against the counter “....” Melon was throughly confused “What did I do??” Rina looked up from her mug “Whens the last time you ate anything?” Melon looked away “That requires an answer...” Melon refused to meet Rina’s eyes “Alter M...” Melon simply walked outside and into the woods Rina followed her but from a distance. “Maybe she just need some air...?” Melon sat down in the middle of a clearing and just stayed there

                        (End of part one cuz Im Lazy \(030)/)

What should happen next???

#im boreeed #vampire oc #discord #demonoc

[lerums]

Steve, Tony and their heir

Part 2: Next Step Word count: 8352

Part two of my series that I’m publishing on tumblr for the first time! Enjoy :)

Read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17695226/chapters/41739527

When christmas comes to town. Peter kept his eyes shut firmly even though he was awake. He could hear his dads across the hallway, both bedroom doors were open. ”But Steve it’s nine already, we needed to get started on breakfast for everyone like an hour ago, we haven’t done anything yet and we’re supposed to open a few presents with him first! We overslept on christmas day and now our son has to pay for that, he’s not even awake yet,” Tony complained. He used his annoyed-but-trying-to-be-quiet-voice. Everyone knew Peter would hear anyway but it was a nice sentiment. 

”Right. You’re absolutely right. We need a strategy. Okay, you go wake him up. I’m ready now, So while he gets ready I’m gonna make hot chocolate for present opening, and prep the eggs so all we’ll have to do is scramble them. We’ll do the bacon in the oven. Everything is basically ready, we just need to lay it out on serving plates. I’ll do what I can to start that before you two get in there, but first we need to set the table. We have a plan for everything babe, we just need to execute said plan quicker than usual. No biggie. What’s a hosting family christmas brunch without some added stress, right?” Steve strategized. It wasn’t long after that Peter heard papa’s footsteps disappearing down the hall, and right after his doors opened with a creak. 

”Merry christmas dad,” Peter mumbled into his blanket. ”tired,”

”You’re awake. Course you are, punk. Well, merry christmas to you too.” He sat down on Peters bed, dragging a hand through his son’s hair. When he wasn’t up at 6am, Peter was hard getting up. It required softness and just as much patience as Tony was capable of. 

For Peter it was hard to go to sleep because his mind was so loud when everything got quiet. When he didn’t jolt awake because of thoughts starting to scream again, his body just didn’t want to let go of the quietness. It had always been like that. His parents knew and they’d developed routines for when the nights became unbearable and routines for waking up, so it wasn’t a huge problem for Peter. He could function just fine with it, and got enough sleep almost every night.

”We’re going to have to move soon you know. Papa’s gonna pop a vessel if we can’t open our stockings and first few presents before people get here. It’s quarter past nine now, and they get here at eleven,” Tony explained softly, rubbing Peters back as he peeled blankets off the body. Peter grabbed onto his pillow as if that was going to anchor him to the bed. Laughing quietly, Tony shifted, moving Peters entire torso to lie in his lap. It wasn’t a good morning for waking up, Peter could feel that. ”Dad, ’s not gonna work today. Sorry.” Peter explained. It wasn’t like he agreed with his brain and body, he wanted to run downstairs to his papa right then and there but nothing would work. 

”Do you want me to get papa? You could doze on the couch while we prepare brunch?” his dad asked, and that seemed like a good idea to Peter. He didn’t like to slow down others. ”Yeah” he whispered.

-

”You need a ride, son?” Steve asked, now being the one seated on the bed by Peter. They had changed spots which was actually good, because Tony was in charge of table settings and was also the best at making pretty serving plates. They were having a buffet style brunch this year, and everyone was coming. Even James Rhodes had dragged his mother to the city, so she could see he pseudo grandson. 

”Yeah. Probably change first?” ”Well, we could just bring your clothes downstairs and you can change in the bathroom later. Come on, climb on” 

Peter was eventually situated on Papa’s back, and after grabbing Peter’s clothes and products they were on their way. Before he entered the kitchen, Steve dropped Peter off at the couch like promised. It didn’t take long for Peters mind to start working from there. He was thinking about the presents and what could be in them and where they had gotten that white wrapping paper cause it was kinda shimmery and would have to me some multi layer tecnology with a top transparent layer that didn’t ruin the reflection and- oh god. There it was. 

Peter’s mind was rambling again, he was definitely awake now. That meant presents, so peter grabbed his stuff and practically ran to the closest bathroom to get ready. 

-

They were all in the same semi formal attires. Soft shirts with some kind of christmas themed print on and slacks. Steve and Tony had always been fans of dressing appropriately and this was outfits they were comfortable in. They didn’t have anything against soft pajamas, but that was usually limited to nights in with just the three of them. An occasional lazy morning would happen, but Steve had affected both others to ”seize the day” and all that. That meant feeling the very best when clothes went on before breakfast. 

”I’m ready! I think santa’s been here, the stockings are really full this year,” Peter exclaimed when he entered the kitchen, grabbing a mug of hot chocolate. He had stopped believing in santa earlier than the usual kid many years ago. But he used the childish tone he knew would get his fathers attention and make them join him in the living room for a while.

It was the same routine every year. They would have hot chocolate before anything else and look through their stockings and open the presents from each other before everyone else entered. Then brunch would last for something like two hours, a couple of movies would be on the agenda before returning to the dining room for games.

The dining room in the penthouse was possibly the most cherished room of all. It had a small bar in one corner, always stacked with both soft and hard beverages. There was the glass cabinet where Steve and Tony loved displaying their good china, and at christmas it housed their christmas china and some decorations. They always decorated the dining room with tinsel on the top of the walls, going around the entire room. It was spacious around the table which could house their entire family when they expanded it. There was also the sideboard against the entirety of one of the walls, right now displaying christmas decor. Inside were all the board games they had collected throughout the years. The sliding glass doors into the room was in a diagonal corner, so every wall had something on it. One of them had several family pictures, memories from holidays and everyday life they wanted to display. Another had a huge painting that steve had made when peter was little. It was calm and not very extravagant, but made with colours matching the rest of the room, setting the vibe to be homey and modern all at once. One could enter the dining room from the small hallway between the living room and kitchen, also containing a small guest bathroom.

This year went exactly the same  Peter opened his presents and was surprised when his main present from his fathers was a car. Their excuse was that they didn’t want him learning in their other nice cars, so this would be for learning purposes only. It was a modern black volkswagen, a big and safe car. They had personalized it by coating the chrome details, making them matte black instead. Peter loved it. He was promised access to the other cars when he eventually got his driver’s license in a couple of years. Peter had gotten his dads matching christmas ties and an assortment of little things and trinkets they enjoyed. Everyone was delighted. In the end, Tony cleared his throat and took out two envelopes, giving them to Peter av Steve. They opened them to find fake tickets to the Stark industries airplane, taking them to the maldives right after new years. Peter had a week off after new years, and tony had made arrangements for Steve and himself to take those days off too.

Then everyone came. It was Sam and Bucky, Rhodey and his mother. Wanda, Natasha, Vision and Bruce walked in after, having been to some coffee place on their way. Scott and Clint were with their respective families. Pepper and Happy came last as their son Harley had needed a nap right about then. He was placed in the nearest guest bedroom before they ate. The day progressed as always, the movies of the year were Elf and the polar express. They were Peter’s favourites. He was so into the movies, it was a joy for Steve and Tony to observe him finally being so focused on something. 

When games were set out and Peter’s opinion was voted down, things changed a bit. He was suddenly acting really uninterested, constantly needing to be reminded of his turn. It wasn’t unusual for Peter to lose focus on things he wasn’t interested in, it was a near daily occurrence with homework. He had always been like this, ever since they tried making him listen to those little bedtime books that he wasn’t really interested in. 

And Steve and Tony knew what this most likely was. Peter’s constant trouble with sleep, him basically being unable to sticking to time, the hyperfocus or no focus at all, they were all classic symptoms of ADHD. He had the typical impulsivity and energy levels throughout the day too, which was why they made sure he had ways to direct that energy into good things. 

He hadn’t ever been diagnosed with anything so they weren’t sure, but they had read about the disease when Peter was eight. It was at a day party which was basically business, but there were always a couple of kids running around at those gatherings. Peter had been nagging at his dads when they tried having a conversation with a professor Tony had known at university. They had handled him they way they learned to, giving him a clear and firm message about how he was acting inappropriately. Peter had been a bit shameful but accepted it, running to his uncle bruce to tell him instead. Throughout the whole the thing he had not stopped tapping his feet to the floor, almost running in place. The professor who taught developmental psychology had smiled as they had apologized on Peter’s behalf, and told them they were handling his son’s diagnosis very well. When they hadn’t understood he told them that this was a very good way to handle children with ADHD. He couldn’t be sure after only the brief meeting, but had advised them to read into it.

Six years later, they didn’t think much of Peters possible diagnosis because they had a way of dealing and Peter was a well functioning teenager. He had friends, did well in school and attended loads of social gatherings without much trouble. When he was twelve, they had mentioned this to him, and also explained why they hadn’t sent him to specialists and gotten him tested. A diagnosis wouldn’t change much in Peters case, since the first step was to deal with the problems the way his fathers did. The only reason they told him was so he could be more aware of coping mechanisms himself as he became more independent. 

And yes, they knew that there were drugs that could help with calming his mind. But these weren’t recommended when not absolutely necessary, so they had decided to deal with it themselves. The past couple of months, though, Peters ability to focus had decreased, and he couldn’t for the life of him keep up with set times. They suspected the week-long detention right before the holidays was because he was so caught up with everything else on his way to school, and he had been struggling more with going to sleep the last couple of weeks than usual. 

There was a possibility that added stress would increase his troubles, but as Peter was still on his last year of middle school. He wasn’t really being pushed that hard. Nothing major had changed for him at home, either. Which was why later that night, they talked quietly in the kitchen like they so often did. 

”Should we contact his doctor, see what she thinks?” Steve asked. ”Maybe we should talk to Peter about it first. He’s old enough to explain his feelings now, he might have some thoughts about it himself” Tony suggested. Christmas day had been good overall. They made home made pizzas like they always did in the evening, and everyone had eventually gone home. Peter had gone to bed, but it was doubtful that he was asleep yet. Deciding to call it a night, the men went to Peter’s room to check up on him. 

They had thought right about the boy not sleeping yet, he had already messed up his entire bed with tossing and turning. ”Hey Petey, hard time sleeping tonight?” Tony asked, already climbing onto the bed on one side of Peter. Steve followed on the other. The routine was in their fingertips. Before Peter could answer his dad, Steve had flipped him over and lifted his torso so Tony could fix the pillows. While being laid back down, Peter told them he’d been trying for two hours already and wasn’t feeling remotely tired. Tony thought about what they discussed in the kitchen, but decided that the kid had enough on his mind for that night. They would deal with the long run in the morning, right now the goal was for Peter to sleep.

Steve wrapped him up tight, grounding Peters body. The touch was so tight it overwhelmed him for a minute before his brain shifted the focus to his papa and this moment only. His fingers were still tapping and he was rapidly looking around the room, but this would die down in a while. As soon as Peter had calmed down and managed to focus on his dads face, Tony started talking. He would keep the subjects light and superficial, also including nothing that could make Peters mind drift to science or some other big subject. He usually talked about the food they’d eaten that day, if anything had happened in the Stark Industries offices lately, their plans for the next day, and so on. After a while Peter closed his eyes and let himself relax. That was Steves que to lighten his grip a tiny bit, an keep doing that until he had completely let go. Tony would lower his volume at the same time, quieting everything that was going on in Peters mind. Eventually Peter would be asleep, and Steve and Tony could exit the room quietly.

”Yeah, we need to do something. We’ve done that thing way too many times lately and as adorable as he his, it’s gotta be frustrating for him.” Tony said as soon as they were in their bathroom.

Acceptance, denial When Peter woke up again, it was 5:30. As opposed to the morning before, this was his usual routine lately. He kinda liked waking up before everyone else, it gave him time to do whatever he wanted to. His mind was racing, and all he could think about was observing how his own skin would react to sunlight. As they did new stuff, Tony, Peter and his uncle Bruce had made it a habit to examine how he his body would react to different exposures. 

The summer hadn’t been great in New York, nor in the Hamptons where the Stark-Rogers had spent most of their vacation like every year. Therefore, Peter hadn’t been exposed to enough sun for anyone to think about this. With their upcoming trip to the maldives, Peter was focused on preparing himself so he didn’t suddenly have to spend his time inside. 

Making his way down to the spider lab, the lights turned on and Friday greeted him. ”I would advise you to wait for your father to wake up if you’re doing anything else than tinkering, Peter.” The robot said from the roof. It was just an advisement that Peter heard more times a week than anything else, he would do small experiments on his own all the time. His dad had said that it was fine, knowing what peter usually worked on, but they had agreed for Friday to keep saying it to remind Peter of being careful. 

The spider lab was one of Peter’s favourite places, being completely dedicated to all things Peter. There was an area for chemistry experiments and one for physics, a computer for programming and a bench for the old toys he liked to improve. There was also a bio lab in one part of the room, dedicated to doing what Peter was doing at the moment, testing Peters immunology. The walls were light but every wall was starting to collect pictures, posters and magazine articles related to his life. The lab was between his father’s personal lab and Bruce’s lab, and both men had as much access to it than Peter did. There were times that Tony was there when nobody else was, and Bruce too. They regularly worked on developing Peters chance of not getting hurt while out doing what he loved. Having all their works in one place made for a great working environment. 

Peter had tried getting another desk in the lab for homework because he loved the vibe down there, but steve had set down his foot and decided homework was to be done in the penthouse. That’s the thing, in this lab Peter would focus on what he wanted to and never anything else. It was heaven. 

”-eter! Hey!” Peters head snapped up, he was so in the zone he hadn’t realized papa had come down. ”There you are. What are you doing up already, it’s not even nine?” 

”I was just thinking about some stuff, had to come test it. See, if we’re going to the the Maldives I need to figure out how my body’s gonna react to the exposure to sunlight, so we don’t- don’t get any of the surprises when we get there. So anyways I was just testing the instant reaction, see right here on my arm, in the first f-field right above my wrist it’s completely no- normal? That’s really cool cause just a minute ago tha-a-at was blistering from being burned so that’s good to know, because turns out I burn even easier than before, as soon as I’m exposed it stings but that’s fine cause everything heals like right away! I’ve only done like, like fifty different exposures yet so nothing’s set in stone just yet- ” his arm was roughly lifted forward and his father was inspecting it. 

”Peter Benjamin Stark-Rogers. Are you standing here, telling me that you woke up, before sunrise I’m assuming, on boxing day to do harmful experiments on your own body – on your own?” 

Peter didn’t really comprehend exactly what hid papa was saying, but it was clear he didn’t understand what he was on the verge of figuring out. ”But listen pop-op-ops, that means I-I can stay out as long as I like in the sun with- without worrying about sunscreen and it’ll only sting a t- tiny bit but it won’t matter cause I have a high pain tolerance and also it’s gonna- it’s gonna- it’s gonna go away like right away! Isn’t that so great?” Suddenly he snapped out of the excitement and noticed he was in the kitchen. 

His dad was staring at him with worry in his eyes, the frown so familiar they should probably trademark it. He knew what was coming now. He waited for the sigh that was always followed by an ”it’s fine, Pete” before his father started talking to him about something entirely not important while Peters mind was racing somewhere between science, vacations and stuff he read on twitter. 

Weirdly, it took longer than usual for everything to start. So Peter looked around the room and saw papa on his side, before letting his mind wander to how their vacation would be, and he hadn’t really checked out the Maldives before so he wondered what time zone they would be in, hoping it wouldn’t cause too much jet lag because that would ruin his sleep even more and he really should be sleeping better and it was probably because of the stress he was experiencing with what he wanted to tell his family and maybe he should meet up with Sam again or maybe uncle Jim cause he would also be understanding and- 

”eeeter. Bud. Buddy. Peter!” His dad’s face was suddenly in front of him again. 

”What?” 

”We’re going to have to talk about this sooner or later, Pete. Your thoughts spiral a lot these days. Have you noticed that too?” 

Oh god, not this again. He didn’t have freaking ADHD and those dumbasses would never get that through their thick skulls. A few could-be-symptoms here and there, which by the way could just as well be personality traits, and he was suddenly a nutjob. They didn’t talk about it much so he had decided a long time ago to just ignore them when they did, but this was so annoying! 

Peter tensed up, he could feel it himself. Here they were, with all the time in the world. They could spend their holiday time however they wanted, and now he was being forced to 1. sit still in the kitchen and 2. talk about something that didn’t even apply to him? Nuts. He rolled his eyes in the way he knew would piss his papa off, maybe they would send him off to ”think about his actions” or something. Anything was better than here, he needed to get out and do something. 

But nothing happened. They were looking at him, a bit curiously, obviously waiting for an answer. But what was the question again? Oh! They were in the kitchen it was still morning, everyone still in pajamas. Duh. ”Pancakes, please” 

His dad let his head fall down into his hands and papa stroked his back, making big circles. 

-

It was frustrating when Peter was so far gone. He was so impulsive, going at everything he could think of with full force. Steve let out a small sigh and looked at his husband. The man was just as frustrated, but more so visibly. They shared a look, silently deciding that talking seriously to Peter right now was a lost cause. 

”Hey Pete? Peter? Hi. Wanna watch a movie while we eat? We can have a slow morning if you want, maybe squeeze in two movies if you’d like.” Tony suggested when he got his son’s attention. 

”Sure, I’ll go pick them out!” He said, immediately going into the living room. There was no doubt Peter would already be ten minutes into the movie when they got in there. 

”Wow. I haven’t seen him like that since this summer, remember the wind project with Rhodey?” 

”Yeah,” Steve answered. ”I know what you mean, but something tells me that this is only gonna escalate if we don’t do something. Doctor’s office is opening up again tomorrow, you think we can survive until then?” 

”We survived an alien attack on New York, honey. Although this might become the same workload, this is Peter. We love hanging out with him, hyperactivity disorder or not. We might need to sleep in shifts, Friday says he woke up after just three hours of sleep but something tells me he’s not gonna flick the switch before his body does it for him.” 

And so, the husbands started breakfast. Peter got the Pancakes he wished for, and they watched the first harry potter movies. When Peter didn’t stop after two, they agreed that he could just as well see them all. If it kept him still, it shortened the time of literally running along with the boy. 

- 

Steve had slept for a while in the evening, and now it was Tony’s turn to get some sleep. It would have been fine if they could be sure that Peter was working out, or watching movies, or doing some safe activity. But they feared what Steve had woken up to that morning, Peter literally burning his own skin on purpose for the sake of figuring something out. Again and again and again. And they didn’t think it was because he felt the need to hurt himself, he was just that reckless when in that mindset. 

”We’re gonna need to cancel coming to dinner with Bucky and Sam tomorrow. There’s no way I’m letting Rhodey handle this on his own, sweetie.” Tony said, leaning into his husbands chest for a minute. 

Some days he still couldn’t believe his own ability to get tired at night and his body’s very regular need for sleep. He knew what it was, though. Everything had changed when he and Steve had moved in together fourteen years ago. He had become much more stable as a person, and five months in, when Peter had arrived to their lives, he had almost been in a normal routine with therapy, sleep, food, physical activity. And Peter was the last straw for Tony. If he wasn’t going to do this for himself, then for his boys so he could be there for them. 

Now, Tony was dead tired because Peter had been rambling about Harry Potter for the past half hour, after the last movie ended. He had had to stop him from two different experiments in the spidey lab. Tony knew that if he didn’t leave the environment he was going to snap at Peter, which would do no one any good. 

Steve slapped his husbands ass as he left Peter’s room. Feeling rested, he was energized and ready to handle his son’s brain chaos for a while. Peter was luckily just reading at the moment, so things were calm. 

The night before they had talked about maybe possibly getting help for their son because things were starting to escalate a bit. Steve realised that this escalation had been exponential, and his sons thought drive was even making him incompetent of caring for himself. Like now. While reading cross legged on his bed, the teenager was literally wriggling. The book was moving so much in his lap, Steve didn’t get how he could read anything. 

”Peter?” 

”Yeah?” 

”Go to the bathroom, I’m not changing your sheets tonight.” 

”Right.” 

As he could hear Peter peeing, he situated himself on the bed. Maybe he could try grounding his boy, if only for a little while. Steve thought about how in a way, he was thankful Peter was so disorganized about time right now. He wasn’t able to notice his father’s sleeping in shifts to keep him safe, and that was lucky because he hated being watched over. Even babysitters for nights out he didn’t like, which was why their tuesday evening ”date night” was Peter’s ”hang out with Rhodey-day” and not Rhodey watching Peter. No actual difference, but Peter felt better about it.  

”Come here, son. Come sit with me, it’s just the two of us.” Steve coaxed as Peter was on his way back to the bookshelf. Surprisinlgy, it didn’t take more than that for Peter to crawl into his papa’s arms. He was sitting in a sort of fetal position, sideways on his fathers lap. He leaned to the side so his shoulder fit into the space under Steve’s arm and rested his head on the shoulder. Steve suspected Peter was a bit more aware of the chaos going on in his head now. He only let himself be held like this if he knew he needed grounding. 

”There’s so much chaos in there, papa” His voice was suddenly small, he’d been quite loud and obnoxious the entire day. Something had shifted, and Steve wasn’t sure why. They should have gotten help earlier, if only a person who could observe Peter and help them pull the break on everything when things were going south. 

Steve had prepared himself for a night of action, but saw now that he would get overwhelmed Pete for a long while. This was the point were Peter couldn’t follow his own thought process anymore, because everything was happening all at once for him. It made Peter scared of his own mind, and left him with a feeling of defeat and incompetence. It had only been this bad a few times before, but if that was anything to go after, Peter wouldn’t be sleeping tonight. 

Imagine a kaleidoscope with endless patterns and colour. So big that you can only handle watching into it for a couple of seconds before you’re really amazed but also finished. That kind of kaleidoscope was what Peter was experiencing in his mind, only there was a kaleidoscope in every direction he turned and he couldn’t look away. So yeah, no sleep happened in Steve’s shift. Or with tony after that, or when steve came back the next time. 

- 

It was 8 am, and Steve, Tony and Peter was at the doctor’s right as they opened the doors. 

Peter had agreed to come with at 6, and Tony and Steve had done everything for him. Laid out his clothes, told him which to put on, combed through the curls the way he liked it, dragged him to the kitchen, placing a leftover pancake in front of him and reminding him to chew every piece. 

Tony was so, so worried. Things couldn’t get worse anymore, Peter was stuck being so incredibly uneasy. The boy was shaking. The times before, he had managed to fall asleep by this point, but it had been when he was a lot younger. Tony supposed he couldn’t really compare situations like that. 

He was rubbing tiny circles in peters hairline on his neck while Steve was inside talking to Peter’s doctor before they brought him in. The waiting room was empty as the office usually didn’t take patients until nine. 

See, there were some situations where steve could let the shame of using his wealth to get stuff go. All of those situations included Peter needing something. 

- 

”Pete, Tony, you can come on in now” Steve said from the doorway, and Tony tugged on Peters hand to make him join. 

Steve was aware he’d been a long time explaining everything to the doctor, but he was so frustrated he could probably use a bit of therapy himself. First on the agenda would be Peter, though. 

”Hello Peter, although I wish it was under better circumstances it’s nice to see you again,” doctor Green greeted. ”Why don’t you sit down here with your fathers and we’ll talk for a bit and then decide what we do next. Your papa says you’ve been experiencing a few things your whole life, like your focus and sleep trouble among others. Is it right that they’ve told you about what they think it is?” 

”I’m not ill” 

”Does that mean you don’t agree to what your fathers say you struggle with, or that you don’t agree with their conclusion?” 

Peter sighed. Tony was rubbing his neck like he’d been doing in the waiting room, but Peter was tense and shaking slightly. His eyes shifted between being closed and focused on something on the floor. ”It’s just personality traits, it’s not… Look I can’t explain right now, everything is all at once.” 

Dr. Green glanced over at Steve, who was confused. He had just told her that Peter never spoke about it himself and ignored them if they brought up anything ADHD related. But he accepted their helping him to cope all the time, so he surely had to realize they had a point? 

”Look, I’m not sick. I’m not some crazy guy. I just need to relax and if you could just tell me how to do that when it’s chaos I’ll go home and deal with it.” 

No one said anything. The doctor looked like she was considering something so Steve and Tony let the silence fill the room, everyone painfully aware of Peter’s shaky breaths. Like he was on the verge of tears. Doctor Green turned to Steve and Tony. 

”Okay, Misters Stark-Rogers. I have a proposition for you that you may want to think about. As Peter’s general physician I’m no expert in this field, my job here will be to point you to the right place to handle this. Until Peter is eighteen I will be on any treatment team that forms, so I’ll be able to give them the story of Peter. The reason I’m mentioning a team is because I want to refer Peter to an emergency psychiatric facility for children up to eighteen years. This is what I’d define as an emergency situation as you’re not able to take him home in the state he is right now. He might only need to stay there for a short while, or they will advice you to let him stay longer.” 

Steve was wearing a frown, simply out of focus. He was listening to everything dr. Green was saying intently, she had known the family since the day after they got Peter and had helped them a lot throughout the years. Dr. Green was the woman who identified his son’s chicken pox, who told them what to do when he had croup, and who identified Peter’s first zit when they came in for his ”second chicken pox”. Both he and Tony trusted dr. Green deeply. 

”Now, the closest one is just a couple of blocks from here, I imagine you’ve driven by it many times. I have a good working relationship with many of the doctors there, and if you wish they’ll keep me in the loop on what happens. Peter deserves to get some help for this now. You need to prepare for the fact that you might not have heard of every drug or treatment they try there, but trust me in that they know what they’re doing. Is this something you would like to do for Peter?” 

Tony had been nodding along the way as the doctor spoke. ”Yes of course. Should we go right over there now?” 

”Yes, I’ll make a call as you leave here about you coming in, so they’ll be expecting you. But first, you might want to send your husband and son out for a bit so I could have a couple of words with you?” Dr. Green asked, and they agreed. Steve held around Peters shoulders as they walked out of the office again. Peter didn’t protest at all to anything that was said. 

”I see Peter isn’t exactly on the same page as the rest of us when it comes to insight into his own situation. It’s very normal, so don’t worry too much about that. Now when you get there, Peter is probably going to be scared even though there’s a relaxed environment. He will be assigned a room, and you’ll probably have to split up like you’ve done now if you don’t want him to be alone. From there, my best guess is they’ll give him some sedatives so he’ll calm down for now. After that, it’s really up to how Peter responds to that. They could end up sending him home with a quick referral to someone who excels at those kinds of patients. They might also end up admitting him somewhere for further investigation, if they deem him in need of 24-hour supervision. Now please, mr. Stark-Rogers. Please remember that in this situation, your job is not to treat him, or figure anything out. Your job is being dad, and only that. Comfort your son, he’s going to go through a lot and you are nothing more, nor nothing less than dad. It’s going to be a rough day and I understood from Steve that you’ve had a couple of those already, but you can relax now that Peter is getting the help he needs.” Tony nodded slowly, psyched himself up, got up and got out. 

Settlement Peter was finally home. After that hellish night and morning, he had been admitted to the Manhattan Emergency Psychiatric facility for children and youth, where he had met the most wonderful people. They’d started everything off by giving him a pill. An hour later everything was almost normal again. Peter loved them for that.  

He didn’t love them as much after that, when they told him and his fathers they’d keep him there for at least three whole days for observation.

Then, he hated them for taking both his dad and papa away at once, to talk.

Then, he loved them a little again when he got pancakes for breakfast, let him lie against papa and eat in bed. 

Dad had wandered in and out, a little frantic, constantly wanting things to happen. Peter was so relaxed he didn’t care if nothing happened, he was listening to papa’s heartbeat and dozing.

Then he didn’t like them for making him talk about his whole life to a doctor, who took notes and checked boxes while Peter was still speaking. He was a weirdo.

Then, he liked them better when a young doctor entered his room and Peter only felt a little sceptical.

Then, he hated everyone and was confused at the same time, including his fathers and the nice doctor for telling him he had something resembling ADHD and wanting him to try medication right away. Peter thought you were supposed to talk your problems away or something, and here the doctor was with a pill for him to try? Anyways, Peter hated them all.

And he hated them all all through that evening, and the entirety of the next day (while the nice doctor kept giving him different pills), and then it was the 29th of december. That was the day the chaos almost completely died down in Peters brain. That was the day Peter could focus on the nurses’ voice without issue, even though he wasn’t interested in what she said. It was nine am and his fathers weren’t allowed to come in until 10, but Peter had gone into the hallway and asked someone if he could use the phone. 

And then he called his dad and papa, who were there within 15 minutes. He hugged them. ”Thank you.”

And the morning after, the nice doctor had introduced Peter to an even nicer doctor who had his office next door from the tower before they had been on their way home.

-

So, Peter had officially gotten his shiny new diagnosis, ADHD. He still hated the word with compassion, but the newest doctor, dr. Pont, had just smiled and said it didn’t matter what it said on the paper. He could complain about it when he came to the office over new years. 

”Pete, I was thinking about your medication. We’ll place it in the kitchen in the beginning, okay? You’re in here both at breakfast and dinner time, and that way we can help you remember it too” dad said, fishing up the pill bottle from the tote bag they’d gotten from the clinic.

Steve stroked his hair back. ”You want to do something? You never really got to enjoy christmas break, did you?” 

”I’m exhausted. Can we invite the others over tomorrow maybe? Wait. Do they know?”

They did know, although Steve and Tony hadn’t told them. Everyone had noticed Peter being riled up on christmas day, and some of them had briefly heard from them during the terrible horrible boxing day. Trackers placing the three at the clinic for three days during a communication blackout left no mistake to be made.

Peter wasn’t sure how to talk about any of this yet, so they agreed to not officially tell anyone before he had talked to dr. Pont. 

”I’m not feeling anything special, can we order chinese and watch whatever you want to watch?” Peter said, looking down at the phone he’d just gotten back. When no answer came, he looked up. There were stunned expressions on them both. ”What?” ”Squirt, I don’t know if you realise this but you’re already so much better. Steve and I never pick a movie, you pick what you want and it’s either that or two hours of wriggling and talking,” dad said, a smile forming across his lips.

”Well that’s just horrible. They told us to continue on as normal, so I guess I have to pick then. Doctor’s orders.” Peter said, and turned around to walk into the living room. Before he could take his second step, Peter was smothered in a papa hug. ”We’re so glad you’re gonna feel better, baby boy. So, so glad.”

-

His uncle Bucky came in and lifted him on his back. Sam teased him about looking stupid in his new year’s sparkly bow tie. Bruce came in and patted him on his back, and said he’d tidied the spider lab for the new year to begin with a clean slate. Natasha had come in the elevator but had to leave immediately. Wanda gave him the hug he always got when she entered, only this time it lasted two seconds longer. Vision gave his normal little wave. His uncle Rhodey came last, and with a quick side hug Peter had survived greeting everyone normally.

Wanda and vision were going to a new year’s party and had to leave early, but stayed for turkey dinner before going off. 

After dinner, everyone gathered on the couch and watched tony’s homemade movies of peter when he was little, everyone present were in the old clips so there were lots of laughs. No one saw Tony wiping small tears from his eyes every now and then. Peter was squished between his fathers, and he couldn’t have asked for a better evening.

When the time closed in on midnight, Tony disappeared for a second before bringing out a tray of champagne glasses. ”Pete, you get sparkly apple juice. You’re welcome for getting to hold that fancy glass,” His dad said when Peter tried to take a glass like everybody else, and traded it for a slightly darker drink in the same kind of glass.

”To a new year filled with getting to know eachother even better if possible, loving each other more if possible and to reaching our goals. If possible. To clean slates and a new page on the kitchen calendar, happy new year” Sam toasted after the ball dropped. They had moved to the balcony outside the dining room which was in the right direction to watch times square. The winter night was illuminated by fireworks. Peter felt his eyes grow heavy, leaning into whomever was on his left.

-

”Rogers, I think your kid is falling asleep on me,” Bucky said, trying to sound grossed out but totally loving the fact that he was now a living pillow.

Steve looked over at his son, who was saying something about playing cards and the new year while his eyes were falling shut, over and over again. ”Right. Come on bud, in we go.” He wrapped an arm across Peters back and under his arm, keeping the boy up while allowing him to walk on his own. Tony was following a step behind, and assured the others they would be right back. Peter was shaking his head, trying to keep himself more awake. They had reached the living room. ”Don’ wanna go to bed, can we stay on the couch? Wanna stay up till the others leave” Peter mumbled, eyes dazed. He stopped in his tracks when Steve ignored him and tried to lead him to the bedroom. ”Please papa?”

And with that phrase, spoken with a tired, childish voice, Steve knew he had lost. ”Fine, Pete. We can relax in here, but I’m taking you to bed later when you fall asleep.”

”No you’re not, I’m going myself”

Tony was smiling fondly at his boys, shoulders shaking slightly trying to hold in his laughter. Steve shook his head to his husband, them both knowing how this would turn out. But it was new years eve, it was fine. Everything was fine as long as Peter was fine, Steve thought.

They sat down on the couch, Peter too tired to care he wasn’t sitting between his fathers. They had sat down so he was across their laps when he tried to sit in his normal spots. ”How was your year, Peter Benjamin?” Tony asked into his hair. 

Steve smiled. Peter Benjamin was what they reserved when they wanted a straight answer out of him. It was special to them because his name had only been Peter Parker when he was born. Steve had always dreamed about having his own little Benjamin, and Tony loved it too. They considered changing his first name, leaving the memory of a mother in the past. That’s why they had called him Peter Benjamin the first while, until they were sure of what was sticking. But it had felt wrong to change the name he had lived his first year with. He was their Peter, and he was perfect. Backstory and all. But to put their own spin on it, they added ”Benjamin Stark-Rogers” to the gap left by ”Parker”.

Steve had one arm around Tony’s shoulders and the other one kept Peter pressed against their bodies. He could feel both of their breathing rhythms, almost but not quite aligned. 

”Happy. Bit stressful. Friendly, educational. Quick to pass. How was yours, Steven Grant?”

Steve thought about it for a few seconds. It had been a stressful year, considering how much of a handful Peter had been. Luckily his day job at shield had been stable, almost boring, only one big avengers-thing in march and his relationship with Tony had been just as stable and boring. The good kind of boring, in both cases. The kind of boring when he and Tony communicated by looks when needed, the kind of boring where Steve could leave work for school meetings if necessary.  ”My year was educational as well. Stable in some ways, thrilling in others. Overall, lovely. What about Anthony Edward?”

Tony looked down at Peter, and Steve knew they were thinking the same. Their eyes connected, and Steve concluded they were both hopeful for next year to be better for Peter. ”My year was exciting, I think I’ve done more good than bad in this one. Left me looking forward to the next one.”

Peter snuggled his face into the crook of his dad’s neck as he took hold of his papa’s hand that was around his waist. Steve let out a sigh, and leaned his head on top Tony’s, which was on his shoulder. ”Happy new year, dad and papa” ”Happy new year, kid.”

-

Rhodey stretched. They had stayed out on the balcony for the whole fireworks show, then gone back into the dining room and set up a board game. At first they thought Tony and Steve would be back shortly, but they never returned from putting Peter to bed. It was three am now, and it was time to call it a night. They were currently packing up the games and grabbing all the glasses and trash they could carry, so the hosts wouldn’t have to do everything in the morning. 

Once they reached the living room on their way out, everyone got their beliefs confirmed. The little family had fallen asleep on the couch. Tony leaning into Steve’s side and Steve leaning right back, they were turned towards each other. Peter was curled into a ball on their laps. All three were sleeping soundly. Bucky took out his phone to snap a picture, everyone knowing Peter would be so embarrassed if he knew they all saw him like that.

Rhodey thought about how small Peter looked. Even though he was fourteen years old, having only one semester left before high school would start. The kid’s development had been late in every department his whole life. He’d started school a year late because of his social, physical and mental state, but despite worries about still falling behind, the boy had proven himself to be very smart when given the right opportunity to learn. Even though he was a year older, Peter had been smaller than the other kids in school. It never stopped him from joining in on all the activities, with his hyperactivity he would always run around as much as everyone else. He was still small for his age, but lately Rhodey had noticed tiny cracks in his voice, here and there. Maybe the boy would reach a growth spurt this year, at least reaching the other kids? His biological father wasn’t very tall and neither was his birth mother, but he still had some growing to do. They couldn’t be 100% sure why Peter’s development was behind, but they assumed it was because of the drug use during pregnancy and the fact that the mother hadn’t been very responsible for the kid in his first year.

He had thought a lot about them the past few days. Rhodey’s sister had struggled with ADHD when she was younger, and he remembered how she was like before and after starting drugs for it. He knew where the kid had been the past few days, and had seen Tony slip him a pill before dinner. So Rhodey was hopeful Peter would experience a different year than the previous, everything had slowly gotten worse the past six months. He had suggested medication to Steve and Tony before, but he had agreed that they had a handle on it until lately. He had actually been planning to talk to them about it during christmas, but then boxing day had happened, and everything had taken a turn without his impact. 

Yeah, next year would be better.

#peter parker #tony stark #steve rogers #iron man #irondad #captain america #spiderman #superhusbands #superfamily #fic