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horrorknife · 16 days

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handing you the microphone. tell me more about hoffheight.

oh Man. you dont even know what u have done........

ok so um . i think that there are a myriad of interesting ways for them to Meet each other but i think their relationship for the most part stays consistent. i've done a lot of thinking and Rp Writing for this because i am . Insane LOL

at first i just thought they'd have interesting interactions but the more i thought about it the more i realized that they are both a) the Most prey animal of the jigsquad (i count adam by proxy because. he has to be in order for my nefarious deeds to work. but that's a whole other topic i can't get into here lol) and b) the same type of defensive and angry person who is really just terrified at the world around them.

adam's strongest (onscreen) bond is lawrence (altho i am tempted 2 say he is the deepest bond he has. genuinely. lol cant get into that here either tho) and mark's is angelina. both of them are forcefully ripped away from them, and both of them deal w it by turning to Anger. (no one lets adam be fucking mad enough. well enough i say. im here to fix the softboy fandomification of this guy.) i think they could find a good common ground after getting to know each other.

at first i think adam really enjoys trying to poke at hoffman to get reactions, and hoffman is so annoyed but also intrigued because he does Not get this guy. so they treat each other like culture samples in petri dishes for a while. at first its just like smoke breaks or adam (who is actually p adept at engineering after learning some of it) helping mark fix things on his prototypes. they just chat idly or enjoy the silence, and both of them are constantly internally like This Is So Weird But I Actually Kind Of Like Being Around You

i like to think their relationship isn't really romantic but it's not platonic either. if they were NORMAL people it would be a qpr but they're fucking crazy people so it's just a weird situationship. they love and care for each other a LOT a lot a lot. i like to think adam is hoffman's little pet cat and he's always giving him pepper spray and new knives and shit for self defense bc he's incredibly protective of him. i don't think he'd like the idea of lawrence coming around and interacting w adam again because he had to see adam struggle and help him recover from the emotional damage lawrence did to him.

i also think that while adam does round hoffman's sharp edges out just a little, it's much more interesting to explore how mark's influence makes adam More violent (bc hes already predisposed to violence and i think mark could absolutely capitalize on that)

i could say so much more about them adkjfngjkfn but ummmm. to tie this post off have this hoffheight hoffman doodle i did for a warmup last night

edit: oh and i should really mention that they are constantly up and down w each other, those 2 men have such short tempers that they would absolutely fight and argue and yell at each other. theyre explicitly toxic for each other as all saw ships should be. this is necessary.

#hoffheight #silenthillmutual #asks #EHEHEEEE i love them so fucking bad .............#my art

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itsdefinitely · 1 year

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things i noticed on the opening night of beetlejuice at the national theater

putting a read more because this is a long post

-didnt change the whole being dead thing unfortunately :(

-there was no sandy in the whole being dead thing :(

-justin collette does what i can only describe as a gay voice (he also does The Voice really well; its consistent!!)

-at the pose for the whole being dead thing, beetlejuice motions for the crowd to keep cheering (a lot) until rhe crowd is screaming and then he starts. uh. well. hm.

-the purple curtains that are slightly open and emit smoke are used for scene changes

-"and then the b-man is free and the mai tais are on me" someone in the audience: "woo!" "yeah, woo. woos for all of us"

-beetlejuice does that thing when you pretend to walk down the stairs behind the couch

-they changed ready set not yet to be about wiring!

-the maitlands die of an electric shock instead of falling to their death

-beetlejuice exited stage right, and then walked down the stairs when entering next; he just kept teleporting around the stage like that

-when beetlejuice was being melodramatic about the puppet show, he got on the floor to keep screaming

-"that was one heck of a shock" dont judge me. i like the line changes.

-barbara dry heaves after finding out she died

-they kept barbara's hand being on fire!!

-during the whole being dead thing pt 2, beetlejuice reads off his hand to remember how to spell his name

-during the whole being dead thing pt 2, beetlejuice does a think where he pretends hes riding a horse (yknow at the end when the horse walking sounds happen)

-everyone started cheering when beetlejuice was doing the thing with adam on the chair… you know the one… so he KEPT GOING AND PRETENDED HE WAS RIDING A HORSE (a theme that may continue to appear later)

-okay i dont know how to describe it, but adam and barbara are played in a way that is Violently Bisexual (i love it so much oh my god)

-LYDIA IS PLAYED LIKE A TEENAGER!!

-i wasnt really sure about delia at first but i love that she mispronounces So Many Words (like. more than Leslie Kritzer did)

-instead of the house going back, the purple curtains lower again during dead mom

-THE COMEDIC TIMING ON "…aaaand thats how i got herpes."

"…"

"frOM KATHARINE HEPBURN!!"

-barbara and adam are so good auuughhhhhhh theyre so much more. i dunno. uh. in touch?? like, they feel less like dorks (still dorks though)

-when adam interrupts beetlejuice's soliloquy, theres like the biggest pause.

-"im sorry guys, ill pay you for the full day" as the soliloquy chorus is leaving

-"you make." dramatic pause "daddy." another dramatic pause "SO angry."

-i love barbara so much in this shes more of a girlboss than usual

-okay i know how to describe it now. there is so much like. body language in this. adam is a lot more raunchy, barbara is a lot more realistic (she flosses at one point), and there is SO much hip thrusting from beetlejuice (no t-rex arms though)

-they close the curtains again, and only half of it opens for delia's scene (amazing staging)

-delia doesnt do the fortnite dance during no reason

-lydia sounds so much more genuinely confused than amused when she says "is this still about me?"

-adam and barbara with sheets over their heads project on the screen behind lydia

-the curtains raise when lydia chases them, and its the attic again

-"perhaps i myself am strange and unusual"

-she sounds so heartbroken when barbara asks "and your mom?" "dead."

-"should we get the sheets?" "adam" "we should get the sheets" "adam." "no no no we should-" "ADAM" looks at each other walks offstage without the sheets (it was probably to stall for the scene change)

-like with no reason, half the curtain raises instead of all of it

-"i am very good at sex." its so funny to me because delia is played as So over-the-top and this is Completely deadpan

-lydia is so whiney (i dont know any other way to describe it) when she says "and their eyes are mad of the deeevill" it feels like a real teenager

-being able to hear every footstep after "i wish i were dead."

-half the curtain raises again, the opposite side to the previous scene

-no wig change :(

-they kept the extra arm/leg!!

-green lights when beetlejuice says "im gonna have a new best FRIEEEEEEEEEEND"

-this is mostly unchanged, but i love all of it anyway

-they kept beetlejuice burning the note

-when beetlejuice gets knocked off, theres a projection of the smoke ring

-say my name gets extended at the end!! at the "gonna make him say me name (make him sya your name)" part!! for an extra 2-4 bars i think

-ah yes. this is the scene.

-lydia pretends to do a ballet move (i cant remember what its called)

-delia isnt wearing lingerie, and her dress doesnt get ripped off

-everybody cheers for day-o (as they should)

-no pig, but we have the small plate with the meat hand on it, and maxie dean's wife says that line (the deep "daylight come and me wan go home")

-beetlejuice still emerges from the table!!

-all the green spotlights on him when he says:

-"it's showtime"

-HE DID THE. HE SAID THE THING!! HE SAID THE THING!!

-obviously, no big face and hands, but they hand wood/cardboard (cant tell which, probably wood) versions of them

-they keep the carnival projection on the stage

-"guess we're not invisible anymore"

-can i mention again the justin collette does The Voice??? its slkdkcidiwoksmcnskkw

end of act one

-SKYE!!

-theres no physical house prop, but the curtains are lowered and the house is projected onto it

-the projection and all the lights turn red when skye inhales deeply

-skye does her best not to look at lydia

-EVERYBODY LAUGHING WHEN "well we're really not supposed to" "why?" "pedophiles :]"

-i couldnt see it clearly, but i think skye had a fire instead of a flashlight

-"boo"

-this part is mainly unchanged too, but i really really like it still

-skye runs out the door (instead of walking up the stairs and disappearing)

-beetlejuice clones!!

-the pie lady actually catches the pie (when i saw it on broadway she didint)

-theres no "that looks like a penis" :(

-i love the npr tote bag. i kinda want one

-beetlejuice doesnt put on a sad little kid voice when talking about his mother drinking. its more like it happened when he was a teenager/young adult. he also doesnt do the "i shouldve left like your-" sad sad about to cry voice "father" he says the line, but his voice doent break. hes more mean

-"get her to marry me" clones: "huh????" "oh, its like a uhm. green card thing." clones: "ohhhhh" "yeah, yeah. strictly business"

-during that beautiful sound pt 2 (which i adore) beetlejuice makes a zip your mouth kind of motion when the clones are supposed to be quiet, which like. is that possession??

-the transition between these scenes is beetlejuice directing two of his clones to run in circles while the set around them gets moved

-i love the glowy effect with the book (also you can hear every page turn)

-picking up a metal detector "i never even used this. and then i felt bad that i never used it" pretends to use the metal detector "beep beep beep beep"

-"get right outside my comfort zone" LEANS TO THE SIDE AND RUNS HANDS DOWN TORSO

-delia jumping up on the couch

-delia and charles's dramatic sighing

-OKAY HOLY FUCK. THE WAY OTHO SAYS "toyota prius" BROKE MY BRAIN HE LIKE. THERES AN ACCENT AND HE ROLLS THE R

-i just. i like otho

-"the b is silent, but it still stings" "no, not that one" "why say doubt, when you can stop at do" "not that one" "doubt. it has a 'u' but it doesnr have a 'me'" "thats the one"

-"ugh classic maitlands. yknow what?" steps towards the edge of the stage, looking at the audience "theyre the real villains of this show" lydia: "what?" "nothing"

-"classic bait and switch, oldest trick in the book" looks off to the side and sighs

-"Normally, I perform exorcisms por bono, but you made me come to-" the most disgusted voice "-Connecticut"

-barbara still floats!!

-no wig change for the whole being dead thing pt 4

-theres still the fire clickers!!

-beetlejuice comes from the stairs instead of rising from the floor

-i never noticed this before but otho, delia, and charles get bound by chains

-adams mouth gets sealed shut its so cool aaae

-"i want you… to marry me!" everyone: "WHAT?" very exasperated "oh cmon guys its a greencard thing"

-good old fashioned wedding my beloved

-the door is still green and expels fog

-"classic bait and switch, oldest trick in the book!"

*pause*

"why does everyone keep leaving me :D" he doesnt even sound mad. then,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

it went on for at least 30 seconds (probably more)

i cannot stress enough how long that scream went on for

-*holding his head in his hands, the most tired and defeated voice ever*

"alright. new plan."

"youre all going to die"

*happy cheery joyful*

"TOODAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY"

-flashing lights going on for forever as they change to the netherworld (i know it takes a bit to change scenes but my eyes Hurt)

-they do the thing with the white square things lighting up one by one

-miss argentina has a southern accent and mispronounces argentina

-IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOOOOWWWWW

-angry pygmys still shrunk his head <:(

-juno was like. too much for me i think. tone her down a little. also, she doesnt have the smoke machine that makes it look like she's smoking (still has a cigarette though)

-chase sequence!!

-lydia is genuinely so heartbreaking (she is usually but this show especially)

-theres no life or death sign (from what i saw) but the logo is on a podium with a sheet on it

-adams podium still says sexy-beetlejuice has a cool suit i love it!!

-he didnt really yell; the "where the contestants suck and the host is very angry" was all in the same tone

-"let me check my stocks"

*the sheet on the aforementioned podium is lifted, revealing otho/kevin in stocks*

-kevin offers to give beetlejuice his prius, claiming that "IT WAS A PLUG-IN" before hes wheeled offstage to the sound of wood splintering on impact

-"Mr. Juice."

-"HOLD ON JUST ONE DAMN MINUTE"

ill be honest, i dont know if it was because ive seen the show before (most likely) or if it was because adam was more bold throughout the rest of the show, but it didnt have the same impact. but this makes up for it:

-as adam is telling everyone everything, he gets close to beetlejuice to the point where they are inches apart and his hands are on beetlejuice's ass

-the kiss!! slay!!

-barbara is actually angry, and adam says "maitlands 2.0" to get her on the same page

-barbara cant kiss beetlejuice HAH

-"WAIT WAIT WAIT. this is all very

believable.

im a highly sexual being and i do love an orgy. but you all dont strike me as the orgying kind. except for her."

*points to delia*

"shes done some stuff."

*delia pauses, and then makes a big motion with her arms like "yeah you got me"*

-TEAR AWAY COSTUME!!

-his hair changes too!!

-GLITTER CONFETTI!!

-the lights still turn pink when

"i cant believe some cultures think this kind of things alright"

-OKAY BUT. BEETLEJUICE AND ADAM GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES ACROSS THE STAGE

-this part is very unchanged

-i love the living monologue. i love the birds and the stock song thay plays and the roller-coaster of emotions and the being hit over the head and the being stabbed

-juno is back!!

-"one minute youre on top of the world, and the next minute, you feel like no one will ever love you… this guy knows what im talking about!

i pick on you because i see myself in you. later tonight. say my name three times."

-"and you."

*dramatic noise the whole stage turns blue except for a spotlight on lydia*

-THE SANDY PUPPET!! EATS JUNO!! SANDY IS HERE!!

-"look lydia now we both have dead moms!"

*nobody onstage laughs, the audience losing their minds*

*pause*

*swinging the severed leg back and forth*

*uses the leg like a golf club*

"and a swing and a miss"

someone in the audience: "FORE!"

*flips them off* "three. fuck you."

-*in a scottish accent* "charles ya ripe old bastard never change"

"i already have changed. ive changed a lot."

*no accent* "well thennn... go fuck yourself"

-when beetlejuice and delia are doing… that thing during the goodbyes, beetlejuice pretends to ride a horse towards delia (told you the theme would return) and she pretends to ride a horse when he gets close

-"dora" "delia" "we didnt hang out much"

-"i think ill miss you most of all. scarecrow. boop" *put cowboy hat on lydia*

-i love beetlejuice's exit so much, gets carried dramatically by his clones only to be put down right after

-"GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD. I’LL NEVER COME THIS WAY AGAIN! TELL MY STORYYYYYY"

*pause*

"this has been a strange day."

-lydia still floats during jump in the line/dead mom reprise

-"im home."

end of act two

#lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth #beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #long post #in summary #i like beetlejuice a lot #i might edit this from time to time if i remember anything new #definite's ted talks #the ramblings of a madman

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kratosfan6632466 · 2 months

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Adam and zima make up

Adam knocked on the bathroom door as zima was taking a shower *

Zima : come in

Adam opened the door and shut it behind him *

Adam : zima…..a-about yesterday….im sorry for being an asshole …..

Zima : I just don’t want to lose you Adam you’re very important to me…..

Adam : yeah I know…I’m not used to people actually being around to make sure I’m still alive heh….i wonder if Scott tibbs would have cared if i actually did die in that bathroom….

Zima : was he the guy that stabbed you with a rusty nail on your sixth birthday?

Adam : y-yeah

Zima : forget about him he’s claimed that he was trying to toughen you up which is complete bullshit but I forgive you….

Adam : r-really??? You’re not angry at me anymore?

Zima wrapped herself in a towel *

Zima : can’t stay mad at you forever

Adam : thank goodness……..

Adam waited for her to get dressed after she was dressed he hugged her *

Adam : listen I - I wanna stop smoking…for you

Zima : I know nicotine addiction is difficult to overcome but you’re not alone I will help you get through it

Adam smiled softly *

Adam : I love you so much zima….

Zima : I love you too Adam…..

#Tw: mention of stabbing #zima lurzo #my ocs #adam faulkner #adam faulkner stanheight #adam saw #adam stanheight #tw: addiction

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anythingandeverything1d · 4 years

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Falling (part 2)

Part 1: https://anythingandeverything1d.tumblr.com/post/615981743290400768/falling

You looked at your watch, the concert was in a few hours and you instantly ran upstairs to get ready, fighting back the logic your brain warned you about and following your heart. You tore your closet open looking for the perfect outfit, but for what occasion. For the first time in months you softly smiled and let yourself think about the possibility of Harry. The nights that you missed so much, his soft hair in your fingers, his dimples, the way he kissed you, the way he laughed and told horrible jokes, all of it. “Ughhh” you moaned leaning back against the wall. “What am I getting myself into?”

30 minutes later and you had thrown almost every article of clothing you owned onto your bedroom floor. You had decided on black skinny jeans, a white crop top, and your hair had been thrown into a half bun (one of Harry’s favorite looks on you) “ugh what have I actually become” you mumbled to yourself while putting on some hot pink lip gloss and grabbing your jacket off the door. You grabbed the envelope with the tickets and opened the door revealing your friend. She looked you up and down with a suspicious glance.

“Where are you going?”

“Uhh nowhere...”

“Nowhere?”

“Yep, I better get going..” She grabbed your wrist and stopped you. “You're going nowhere looking like that? Really? You expect me to believe that...” You glanced at the envelope quickly and nodded trying to continue out the door. “Whats this?” She took the envelope from your hand and peered inside. “Oh my god. You are not. Theres no way you are going to Harry’s concert..”

“I need to. Okay. I need to know. I need closure.” You ranted on a quick explanation of seeing him at the gas station and the note on the back of the ticket and sighed. “You don't understand...I need to go. I need to move on.”

“Fine then we are going together. There’s no way Im letting you make a stupid rash decision when he bats those eyes and smiles at you. Nope. If you're doing this, we are doing it together.” And with that you smiled, grabbed her hand and pulled her to the car.

Harry’s POV:

Harry was pacing the dressing room. His mind was moving a million miles a minute but yet everything was focused on one thing. You. He was sweating, so nervous about what the night would bring. He had specifically chosen the pink suit you had picked out for him so long ago. Paired with the black button down he wore on your first date. He picked the outfit specifically for you tonight and he hoped it would work. Of course he hadn’t ever stopped thinking of you, but seeing you at the gas station had sealed the deal. He needed you back in his life. Even as a friend. He knew he had screwed up. It had only been a few months without you but he was crumbling slowly. He was the one who fucked everything up. He hadn’t been present in the relationship for a while. He had dragged you along for the journey. He would leave and not call or text. And then there was Sarah. He never wanted to cheat but after drinking too much it had happened and of course you had been there to see it happen. Sarah was great and Harry had flirted for a while...but there wasn’t a spark. There wasn't anything that was there when you were in his life. He knew the moment you said goodbye that he had ruined the best thing in his life. He got lucky his show was in town tonight and even more lucky that you still lived in the same apartment complex. He left the tickets and passes but had no idea if you would even show up. He just prayed. “Please (y/n)...please come...I need you..” he mumbled with his head down.

“What?” Mitch asked walking in.

“Nothing.” Harry said looking up.

“Well 20 minutes till showtime.”

“Okay. Hey is there anyone backstage looking for me or anyone using a backstage pass left in my name?” Harry asked anxiously.

“No. Not that I know of anyone. Who are you expecting Styles..a girl?” He wiggled his eyebrows and laughed as Clare, Sarah, and Adam walked in.

“Oh what’s going on. What are we teasing Harry about now?” Clare asked.

“A girl.” Mitch answered.

“Shut up guys.” Harry mumbled looking at Sarah. She had agreed friends was better and he was glad because he felt nothing but that. It was still a little awkward though. “Let’s just go. It’ll be great right? We can do this.”

Your POV:

You and your friend has pushed up to the front where the seats were and you were shaking you were so nervous. Of course everyone acknowledged you as you walked in so it took forever to find your seats but luckily the lights were dimming as you sat down. Smoke rolled off the stage and everyone cheered. You stood up slowly feeling a little light headed. You looked up and he was there. His head down. His pink suit. Hair pushed back in a wave and a small smile in the corner of his mouth. It was too much. You pushed back a few rows to where you were no longer visible and sat down collecting yourself. You just listened to the music. He was amazing. His album was amazing...of course you already knew that because you had listened the moment it was released. He really was a super star. You were proud too because he had waited for this moment for years.

Towards the end of the concert Harry had begun searching the crowd with his eyes. Scanning row by row until he found you. His green eyes locked on yours. His mouth slight parted and his breathing was heavy from the last song. He curved his mouth up into a smile, his eyes never leaving yours. “There’s a song I’ve been working on. I decided tonight to play it. I hope you all enjoy, Ive worked hard on it.” He nodded to the band behind him and the music started.

“I’m in my bed. And you're not here. And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands. Forget what I said. Its not what I meant. And I can't take it back. I can't unpack the baggage you left.” His eyes never strayed from yours. You knew what was happening. There were a few songs on the album about you, but this was different. Your eyes clouded with tears and you couldn't breathe. “What am I now, What am I now, What if I’m someone I don't want around. I’m falling again, I’m falling again, I’m falling.” Harry broke eye contact and looked down. Pouring himself into the words of the songs. You sat on the floor and put your head between your legs trying to breathe. Your friend was rubbing your back. Harry got to the end of the song “What if I’m down? What if I’m out? What if I’m someone you won't talk about? Im falling again, Im falling again, I’m falling.” And with that he bowed and ran off stage. The crowd of people slowly began clearing and you were able to breathe a little better.

“Want to go home now?” your friend asked still slightly concerned at how pale your face was. You shook your head and stood up, pulling the backstage pass out. You ran to the guard and showed him before following him back. It was only a minute before you saw the pink suit. It stood out in a crowd very easily.

“Harry Edward Styles!” you shout, tears already forming in your eyes. He turns quickly and looks at you slightly stunned, and you continue forward pointing a finger at him. “What the hell was that?” You asked. He looked unsure of what to say. Finally he looked at you and sighed.

“That was my new song. What else would it be?” He sarcastically replied.

You didn’t know what else to say. You just stared at him, your nostrils flaring and his eyes intently watching your every move. Your friend came forward and grabbed your hand. “Come on (y/n), you don't need this.” She gently pulled you towards the door.

“No.” His hand went out and grabbed your other wrist. “We need to talk.” He looked you in the eyes. “Thats why you're here right? Why else would you come?” His tone was harsh and you had no idea why. You looked at him and then at your friend. Your head was spinning again and you felt like you needed to sit down. You reached for the floor and felt yourself falling . “(y/n)!” Harry’s voice now very concerned shouted. Your eyes fluttered close and you hit the floor.

Harry’s POV:

Harry didn’t know why he was being mean. He felt angry that you came back just to attack the song he had written about her. That he had poured so much energy and emotion into. When you had looked at him, he saw a slight fear in your eyes. You were scared of him and he didn’t want that. He saw you reach for the floor and your eyes close. He knew this, you were fainting. It was something that had happened a few time in the past. Scared him to death very time. This was no exception. He tried to catch your head and cushion the fall. You had hit the floor and he had immediately pulled you onto his lap and rocked you slowly. “(y/n) wake up...youre okay. Just please open your eyes...” He touched his forehead to yours and breathed slowly.

“This is your fault Styles.” your friend remarked kneeling next to him. “You overwhelmed her. You shouldn’t have even given her tickets. You nearly killed her two months ago. You don't even deserve the chance to speak to her.”

“(y/n)...open your eyes. You’re okay.” Harry ignored your friends comments and hummed softly, his eyes closed and his head against yours.

Your POV:

Your eyes slowly opened and you heard a low and soft humming. Your head was pounding and you were acutely aware of arms wrapped tightly around you. You looked up and saw anxious green eyes staring into yours. Harry let out a shaky deep breath and moved his head back. You awkwardly climbed out of his arms and attempted to stand. You wobbled a bit and he immediately grabbed on and steadied you. You looked at your friend who was watching Harry very closely. “(y/n) can we please talk...alone.” he mumbled looking at your friend. You nodded your head, earning a sigh of relief from him. You looked at your friend telling her it was okay and let Harry pull you into his dressing room. He sat you on the couch and stood in front of you, running his fingers through his hair. “I don't even know where to start...”

“How about at the part where you left these tickets on my porch..” you grumbled watching him.

“I needed you here. I couldn’t get you out of my head after the gas station. It’s been so long...theres so much I’ve wanted to tell you but I couldn't because you blocked my calls.”

“Yeah because you cheated on me Harry. After 5 years?! You broke everything we had built together. All for some random girl?” You were annoyed but when you looked at him tears were falling down his cheeks and that made you sad. You didn’t want him to be upset. He had taken the jacket off and thrown it on a chair in the corner.

“I know....I know I ruined everything. It wasn't supposed to happen, it was a dumb mistake and I will forever regret it. The minute I saw you...I knew. I knew I had ruined the best thing in my life. There was never anything between me and her it was always just a drunk mistake. When you said goodbye I nearly lost it. I knew I would never love anyone but you. I haven't even looked a girl since that night. You're the only one I ever needed. I am so so so very sorry.I know I can’t take anything back but I need you. I can’t let you go, not again.” Your eyes were tearing up again and he reached up to wipe them away. His fingers rubbed my jaw and he leaned closer. You were suddenly very aware of him, his smell, everything. You leaned closer breathing faster and his lips cautiously met yours. You gave in. You fell against him and his hand pulled you unbearably close. He kissed you in a way that made you drown in him. He made the kiss deeper, adding more force and biting down on your lip. You moaned, opening your lips more allowing his tongue inside of your mouth. You sat up and ran your fingers through his hair, playing with the curls at the base of his neck while he trailed fingers up your back. If you died right now, you would be content. This moment was everything your body had been aching for the past two months. You grabbed the buttons on his shirt and went to pull it off. He pushed you back onto the cushions of the couch, your legs wrapped tightly around his waist. “Fuck I missed you (y/n).” He breathed into your ear before biting the soft skin on your neck. Yikes that was going to bruise for sure...

“I missed you too Harry” you managed before turning his head and bringing his lips back to yours. He kissed you like his life depended on it. Like there was nothing else he needed but you. You matched his energy. He had your shirt pulled almost over your head when there was a knock at the door and in walked a girl. She looked familiar..the hair... Harry looked up, his cheeks bright red. You sat up, pulling your shirt down and looking from her to Harry.

“Sarah.” Harry managed while trying to catch his breath. “Is everything okay?” He looked anxious.

You looked at her again and it hit you. “Sarah?” You looked at Harry again with pain in your eyes.

“(y/n)....wait. It’s, It’s not what you think..” He grabbed your hand as you stood up.

“She’s in your band?” You were crying again. Sarah was uncomfortable and moving towards the door.

“Im going to go...I’ll catch you later Harry.” she left closing you back in the room with Harry. You turned toward him.

“Really?” You said again looking at him.

“Like I said before, she was a mistake. I was drunk, she was drunk and that's all there is. There is absolutely nothing between us. I swear.” He stood up and walked towards you again. “(y/n), love, theres nothing between me and her. Its strictly work related.”

“Did you kiss her after we broke up? Did the two of you...” You asked staring at him.

He looked down and shifted uncomfortably, giving you your answer. You wanted an answer though. “Harry. Did. You. Have. Sex. With. Her.”

“She kissed me...we...we just.... The next morning. But I swear I broke it off after that. I told her the truth. There was no feeling. There was nothing. You're all I could think of. I promise on my mums life there is nothing between us. There never will be.” Harry grabbed your hand and pulled you into his arms. He held you while you cried, rubbing your back.

“I can't do this right now Harry. I really can’t. I...I need to go.” You pushed him away and walked to the door. Turning one last time you looked at him, his eyes shining with tears and you left.

---------------

What do you guys think?? Part 3?? Let me know! xoxo

#one direction #one direction fanfiction #one direction imagines #Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #harrystyles #louis tomlinson #liam payne #Niall Horan #falling

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ask-irl-lydia-deetz · 4 years

Text

//a list of my favourite parts of bj on broadway because it was fucking wonderful and i have A Lot of favourite parts (Act 1)

kim sava was playing delia and presley was playing lydia!

and the prologue was fucking beautiful the sets are perfect

“you’re invisible when you’re sad :((” “HOLY CRAP!!”

all of TWBDT was amazing of course

“WELCOME TO THE WINTER GARDEN!”

his little dances god I love him so much

THE UKELELE PART

he didn’t catch the ukelele the first time SO HE DANCED INSTEAD HES SO BABY

“THERE'S A GIANT SNAKE HERE”

(sandy is beautiful I love her)

THE ELVIS IMPRESSION FSHSGFS

if you die during tonight’s performance the show will not stop :)

“that was an old Scandinavian folk song”

“invisible.. powerless... like a gay republican”

“this guy knows what i’m talking about”

see that tiny house up there? well it’s a LOT bigger... ON THE INSIIIIIDEEEE!!!!

the sets are amazing oh my god

also the maitlands are adorable i love them so much

"look at this crib UUHGGH"

"LOOK AT THESE JUGS!!"

(side note i met kerry at stage door and she said that she liked my lydia cosplay i almost cried)

"so you don’t have to face being a bad mom... B A R B A R A"

THE MARACAS

“the next step!” "SKWEEBUIBOOBOODABOOBEE"

“wow... those people just died and you guys are clapping”

“do we have any kids in the audience? you! no, shut up. you. PUPPET SHOW!!”

“sometimes puppet shows are sad”

“Hi. do not be afraid. you are dead. i am also dead.”

“jesus i can't spell.. SHIT”

“LET’S ALL GET NAKED!!” “NO-”

“BAABBSS” *proceeds to straight up kiss barbara on the mouth*

“adam.. you don't recognize me... i’m your father..”

“no offense sir but you give me the creeps” “well you give me a boner”

“THEY CAN’T SEE US!!” “𝓴𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓸𝓫𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓪𝓭𝓪𝓶”

TWBDT reprise. need i say more.

BEING DEAD HAS IT’S PERKS *insert cute dance here*

LET’S GET RID OF THESE JERKS *insert adam and barbara dancing* “i- no.”

MMMMMYESSS THERE IS VERY GOOD ENERGY IN HEREEE!!!

i loved kim she was so great

“hes my white whale” “i dont see race”

SUCKS YES!!

“does this couch make me look dead”

“hey delia.. knock knock!” “NO NOT ANSWERING I HAVE A PEEPHOLE I CAN SEE YOU YOU'RE SCARY GOODBYE!!!”

dead mom was so good

“and then she was like ‘but i don't have any baby oil’ and i was like ‘but i have some guacamole’ and that is how i *made nachos* with catherine hepburn”

“we just took this amazing glass blowing class... and the teacher was wiccan, so it’s kind of like this!” “i am not wiccan and that is nothing like this.”

“WE DO NOT WANT TO KILL!” “its a figure of speech adam okay jesus christ why do you have to be so sexy”

“yell out the scariest thing you can think of” “THE TRADER JOE’S PARKING LOT!!”

“except for the white part,, obviously”

“you make them say.. THIS” “DOLLY LEVI, MATCHMAKER...” “NO- NO. wrong card.”

“it’s just... you make daddy so angry”

“EXCUSE ME MR BEETLEJUICE... we can kinda hear you :(”

“dress like a baby!” “i don't- no.”

“you’re going to have to watch a new show tonight. the maitlands: more boring than brigadoon.”

“that’s right. i said it. fuck brigadoon.”

‘don’t text me in the middle of the night saying ‘u up’ because... new phonnee..... whh,, wHHOO DIISS’

“SEE YOU IN HELL!! *smoke bomb* I'M GONE.”

“i’m gonna use the door.”

“hey guys... fuck you guys.”

“THAT GUY.... NEEDS THERAPY”

“let’s... HAUNT THIS BITCH”

“i know that i’m paid to care about you... but i’d like us to be real friends!” *dab*

“depression is like an ugly sweater.. it’s okay at christmas... but the rest of the time you got to put it away.”

“black reminds me of a funeral.. this is business dinner!!” “it could be both.. a toast to my father and his all-important business.. also one of your wine glasses is POISONED!!!” “LYDIA YOU GIVE ME THAT!!! ,,smash.”

“buy more crystals”

“greetings ghosts... my name is lydia deetz... do not be afraid”

“you’re my employee but also my lover.. it’s..” “prostitution.”

“do you understand what i’m proposing?? i’m proposing!!”

when lyds pulled the cover off her dad’s bed and delia was under there

AND THEN PURPLE BJ I LOVE HIM

the extra arms and legs>>

“you’re invisible when you’re,, SKWOOBADOOBOOBWEEEBOO- me.”

“can you see me??” “yeah you look like a bloated zebra that a lion ripped apart and didn’t eat because something was obviously wrong with it so it just rotted in the hot african sun.” “YOU CAN SEE ME-”

“IM GONNA JUMP-” “NOOO!! i mean.. noo.”

FAKE CARTWHEEL!!

“namaste!” “TIRAMISU!”

“who wants bacon!!’

“IM A VEGAN”

god all of day o was so chaotic there was so much to look at but i loved it

“i can't keep living like this!! BEETLEJUICE!!” *bj fucking climbs out from inside the table*

“see dad? this is what you get.” “YEAH DAD THIS IS WHAT YOU GET”

and he spark thing he does is so cool oh my god

IT’S OUR HOUSE NOW KID!!

LOOKS LIKE WE’RE NOT INVISIBLE ANYMOOREE

#beetlegeuse #beetlejuice #ooc #incorrect beetlejuice quotes #beej #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice broadway #beetlejuice bway #lydia deetz #adam maitland #barbara maitland #delia deetz #charles deetz

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real-fakedoors · 5 years

Note

NDHDKDKDMDNDHS S THAT LATEDT CHSPTER HAD ME SCREAMING I WAS SO STRESSE D. O U T . But I was wondering!! And I do have a few questions, I apologize 1) Do we ever get to find out what exactly happened to Lance’s family? (Spoilers? 🧐🧐🧐) 2) Were you still planning on doing a second part or is everything gonna be resolved in the epilogue (also maybe spoilers 🧐) ? 3) I love u and ur writing 4) Are you planning on writing anymore kl fics after this?

ANON ILY

im SO GLAD you liked the chapter, although I’m SORRY for stressin ya

I’m happy to provide some answers/insights as for what’s in store for this... story. store... story... i feel like there’s a pun somewhere there. ANYWAYS.

DEFINITELY SPOILERS AHEAD!

1 & 2. (because the answers are related)

There’s still a lot to develop with Lance’s family! Not only in the epilogue, but in the SEQUEL TOO! Yes, that’s me, confirming for 100% no maybe’s, but’s or if’s about it.

There’s going to be a sequel. Because there was just too much of these two boys to shove into one story,

Although I won’t reveal everything, here’s some things to look out for (rather in the epilogue or the next installment!)

- Lance’s unanswered letters. What gives, right? Well, something gives alright. Something gives.

- Veronica/Lance parallels incoming!!! ...after all, I’ve heard McClains have a type 👀

- Hira closure. (And closure with Nadia, Adela and Emely, too!) They might not “technically” be family, but they’re definitely connected to Lance enough at this point that their own stories are irrevocably intertwined. We’ll be seeing more of them, at least enough to... satisfy, I hope. :)

3. I LOVE YOU! And to express that, here’s a gift of unpublished material from me:

(some context -- while writing Lance’s ‘dream’ sequence, I was feeling a little burnt out and a friend of mine nudged me on this post, so I wrote a quick drabble from Lance’s POV)

[LANCE]

Fuck fuck oh god fuck he’s coming this way he’s really angry I’m so dead fuck he’s really hot though shiT SHIT --

A hand hit the fence beside his head, and Lance was glad his uncle was a funeral director; his Mamá could probably at least get a wonderful discount on his casket.

“What the fuck did you say to me?”

I probably deserve this. Turning in the Macbeth assignment late, what the fuck, McClain? What the fuck were y--

Keith Kogane was about two inches away from him, breath still heavy with the scent of tobacco. “Hey, sweater vest, are you deaf?”

“Uh -- uh, n-no.” He cleared his throat, did his best to make his gaze steely. “But you’re not supposed to smoke up here.”

There was an extended pause, a single eyebrow raising far into that awful mullet’s hairline. Who even has a mullet anymore, it’s 2019! Also, whomst the fuck allowed him to have such intense eyes?

“You’re in my stats class,” Keith said bluntly, gaze turning at least marginally less hostile. “Taylor, right?”

Oh c’mon, seriously?!

Now he was getting a little angry too, putting his hands in between the very-small distance between their chests. “My name is Lance, asshole.”

“Lance?” The guy said the name like a question, like he was trying to deem if it was worth his time. “Hmm. You’re pretty rude, judging someone you don’t know. What’s it to you if I smoke?”

“It’s not allowed on school grounds, I don’t care what you do with your lungs.”

Alarmingly, Keith’s constant state of passive-anger shifted. (because that’s exactly what this jerk’s demeanor was, a kettle two-seconds away from boiling over) Now, he wore a positively sinister smirk.

I am not emotionally stable enough for this what the fuck, fuck, fuck me -- no wait.

“Are you going to stop me?”

4. YES I HAVE SO MANY PLANNED AHHHHHH

As you likely know, I have a handful of current WIPs in the fandom:

cosmic dust never settles - A roleswap + Galtean AU, in which Lance and Allura are siblings; Lance pilots the Castle of Lions, Allura pilots the Blue Lion, and Galra-hybrid!Keef.

Not So Normal - A Stranger Things inspired fic, where Lance vanishes one night, and Keith “is going to turn the world upside down to get [him] back.” ST is not necessary to enjoy the fic -- just pulling some setting/plot elements from the show!

Unpublished ideas:

“as above, so below” (working title) - Persephone!Lance x Hades!Keith AU... also with the rest of the squad lmao because I’m weak for them. Thinking Apollo!Hunk, Zeus!Shiro and Hera!Adam (just without the crazy 15 spouses thing, ya know), Aphrodite!Allura... still working out Pidge, Lotor, Romelle and Coran atm. Still lots of thoughts percolating on this one!

“Coffee Shop [But Not Really]” (working title) - as the title says, it’s going to be set up/set in a coffee shop, but there’s going to be something untoward going on that makes it... not so obvious. I don’t want to say too much here because that’ll ruin the surprise/fun of it, and I’m still hashing out ideas on this so... I won’t say much more than that!

maybe a “daycare AU” where they’re in their 20s and Lance works with kids... I’m thinking maybe Keith gets involved because, while he’s not old enough to host foster kids, he is sort of a “big brother” figure to one or more kids in the community and they end up crossing paths that way. im just weak for lance being soft with smols and Keith being soft for Lance and... yeah

take very good care, anon

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el-dibidibidorado1 · 6 years

Text

Untamed Pt. 1

Summery: Y/n works at Tom's Diner as a waitress, but what happens when one of her co workers saves her life.

A/n: this is my first fanfic here in Tumblr. I hope you enjoy it and if I need to change anything please message me. Okay bye bye🤗

Warnings: language

Bucky Barnes x Y/n

The sun was barley rising when I bust into the house, quickly taking off my work uniform and running upstairs.

"Y/n Are you home?" My mom yelled from the laundry room.

"Yes. Umm what do you need?" I quickly say taking off my pantyhose and tossing them into the bin.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"Later I have to get ready!" I quickly run to the bathroom and start the shower, but time betrays me and I quickly wash my body while brushing my teeth. Wrapping a towel around my body I run to my room and began getting dressed. I get a red backless long sleeve blouse and some jeans, I quickly light a cig and continue getting ready. Getting my hair and makeup done, I put out the cig and spray my favorite peach perfume. I once again look at the time as a honk is heard.

"Fuck" i grab my favorite coat and bag while running out.

"Bye mom!" I say and kiss her cheek. I run to the truck and open the door. "Hi" I get in and kiss Adam. "Oops" i carefully remove the lipstick stain I had left on his lips and give him a bright smile.

"Hi" he says and sits there quietly looking at me. After a while I get nervous and lightly grab his hand, I take note of his clammy hands.

"Are you okay? Umm Aren't we going to the game?" I ask. He nods his head and hesitates to turn on the truck. He drops his hands to his lap and stares at me.

"Y/n Do you just want to go to the game some other time?" Well fuck me silly. All of these thoughts fill my head. He dosent doesn't want to see me anymore. I knew it. I fuckin knew It!

"You wanna break up?" I mumble and look at him with pleading eyes.

"Look y/n, i feel like if we need a break. Maybe see ot-"

"Is it about my body?" He stayed quiet and looked out the window. He sighs and grabs my hand.

" No it is not about your body!" Fucking lie.

"What did i do wrong?" I question.

" i just think that we aren't ment for each other" He says. I quickly remove my hand from his and open the door to get out when he stops me.

"I didn't mean to hurt you"

"Well, you did" I shut the door and run into the house as tears started to form. My mom just looks at me as I go in and gives me a hug. Sadly, this is the third time that this happens. Boys date me, but in the end it always seems to end like shit because of my body. Guys just want a nice thin girl with nice boobs and butt. Look, I have a butt, but not big boobs or a flat tummy. Oh let's not forget the hair, They want straight smooth hair! Surprisingly that's the only thing I like about myself my long curly/wavy hair. That's It!

I finish crying, then i decide to go to my room to sleep the work day and a beak up away. I take off everything and stare at the mirror, touching my Stretch marks on my tummy.... Well that takes it all, my tummy itself. I put on some t shirt and jump on my bed and the tears began pouring out. I cry until I fall asleep.

"Hey you! Y/n wake up! Your girlfriend keeps on calling and I'm tired of your stupid ringtone!" My older brother woke me up annoying as always! I just tell him to put the phone on the night stand and to get out. He puts My phone down and softly combs hair. He might be annoying and an asshole, but he's a sweetheart. The touch makes me drift back to sleep.

Not even ten minutes my phone rings and rings and rings and rings and rings, until I get irritated and answer it.

"What?!" I answered angry.

"Hey miss cranky pants how was the game?" It was Rosie. One of My bitch best friend.

"I didn't go" my voice came out as a mumble.

"What? Why?"

"He broke up with me" I said and shoved my face into the pillow trying to stop myself from crying.

"Oh sweets, I'm sorry. Why don't you come over?"

"What time is it?"

"7:38"

"You still working?"

"Yeah"

"I'll be there at eight" I hung up the phone and slowly got up to get ready. My day off was already fucked up might as well go to the diner. I can't stay here any longer, if I do im going to cry even more.

"Hey darlin. Where are you going?"

"To Tom's I'll be back at ten or so" I put on my scarf and walk to the diner. It was about ten to fifteen minutes away.

"Hey bitch" Rosie and Caroline say together.

"Hey hoes" I sat down and grab one of the coffee mugs and began drinking it.

"So what happened?" Caroline asked smoking. Jesus one of us is going to get sick because of them cancer sticks.

"Well first, I asked him if we where going to the game. Then he said that he wanted to go another time. " I softly told while I finished the coffee.

"Then?" Rosie sat on the stool and began Eating the mints as she poured more coffee into my mug.

"He said........he said that we need to see other people. Knowing me, i asked if it was about my body, he said no. But I know that's a fuckin lie. That's what it is all about. No one wants to date a fat girl!"

"Baby you aren't fat and it's not that no one wants to date you. You just haven't found the right man" I gave a chuckle and chugged the drink. Easy for her to say.

"Hey hey! You guys are taking a lot of breaks. Y/n If you are going to stay to talk to them you have to work." Tom said. Why doesn't he just go home? He's always here taking away all of the fun away. Jesus when will someone pull that 8ft pole out of his ass.

"Are you done?" A deep modulated voice made me jump. I turn around and see the cleaning guy picking up my cup. I softly nod, he looks at ne for a while and he walks away.

"So?" Tom asks again.

"Fine I'm leaving." I grab my coat and get ready to leave.

"Hey n-" I interrupt Rosie as she is the expert on relationships.

"I know, I know. Don't call him. I will see you tomorrow night" I left and tucked my coat closer to my body. Damn coldness.

Ugh why does this happen to me?! Why can't I keep a stable relationship? Why do guys have to be so picky? I don't judge......well look at me. Ah fuck it! I'm just going to turn lesbian!

---------------------------

Once she left I walked to the window watching her leave. She tugged on her coat to bring her warmth. I was so into watching her hair move lightly as she walk, that I didn't even pay attention to Caroline calling me.

"Bucky, come clean table 4...........Bucky......Bucky.....Bucky!" she tapped my shoulder and snapped me out of my mind.

"Yeah" i nervously asked

"Come On. We got to get to work." She lightly squeezed my right shoulder and walked away.

"Okay" I look back to Y/n and see that she is gone. I let out a huge sigh and continue cleaning the tables. The look of her puffy eyes stayed tattooed to my head, and my heart ached a bit.

Enjoy! I have no idea how many chapters I am going to make. Also I am writing the story on my phone, so forgive me if it looks strange. Alright well bye bye bye.

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x plus size reader #untamed #new fanfic #sebastian stan #diner #waitress #bucky barns x reader #winter solder #white wolf

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civilization-illstayrighthere · 6 years

Note

Vaultie 14-16 and charon 17!

!!! Thank you anon

14. Dancing:I definitely feel like the Vault had dance lessons at some point during the school year and probably dances where Vaultie stood in the corner and did not dance with anyone. But dance lessons, he loved. He really likes dancing. At one point he thought he had a crush on Ginger Rogers before realizing, no, he wanted to be Ginger Rogers bc he wanted to dance w Fred Astaire dfasdfd. He knows the waltz. I think he’d like swing dancing but is generally too shy to do so in public/around people who know him. I said in another ask that him and Charon go dancing n i love the idea of them going out on dates to dance at Gob’s saloon (lazy, slow dancing, slightly drunk, enjoying live music, shoes making noise against the sticky floor, definitely vaulties pace) vs when Underworld holds their dance marathon fundraiser trying to scrounge up caps for repairs (charon leads, this is a COMPETITION he can get into this, he never sleeps, catch him holding a sleeping vaultie staring down willow who’s gently dragging a half-asleep tulip around the dance floor bc even though the prize is a crown made of tin cans hes going to win damnit)

15 Singing:Adam can’t sing/doesn’t sing. Butch told him once when they were grammar school age that he has a bad voice and the thought of that comment still haunts him to this day, in the way offhand comments in formative years just be doin.

16 Anger:I don’t think he gets angry often because usually he sees things that go wrong as his fault? So he mostly defaults to apologetic/ groveling, and maybe angry/disappointed in himself. When he is angry its usually a burst of anger and then hes back to being apologetic. He doesn’t hold grudges, but he holds fear.

17 Soft spot:ok for a ghoul i could go literal and point out where the softest spots on his decaying body are but

I feel like he’s soft w kids in the ways you see very big dogs naturally go softer when they roughhouse w puppies. he doesn’t handle them like they’re going to break (which is how vaultie is). But. He’s the gruff uncle who says three words and yet is the most popular uncle at the family reunion bc hes willing to throw the kids around the pool all day w/o complaint. (A scene i wrote but dont think i included is that hes been carrying yew’s bear around for her since they visited oasis like a post-apocalyptic flat Stanley. Vaultie accepted the deed and charon grumbled but its 100% charon who remembers to bring it with them)

I think too, despite his grousing, he is at his core a Good Guy (he didnt have to protect underworld outfitters, and coldclock me when i stole from tulips and make me reload my save, but boy did he ever) and while he will put up his default complaints (i think his “im not your errand boy” comment is 100% valid for a charon who does not like or still does not trust the lone wanderer) he just does it as a defense mechanism but once something or someone had wormed under that leathery exterior… “I have no friends” says man wearing a friendship bracelet made by tulip while smoking w willow after having eaten five mirelurk cakes prepared by Carol

#dear hearts and gentle people

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ithisatanytime · 3 years

Text

To be honest im very glad she loves her boyfriend so much, initially i asked about her relationship status and she said it was open, and was very firm about that fact, emphasizing it to the point that it was the only thing leading me to believe she was at all receptive to my advances, of course thats not enough because i was so forward, and i knew she just likely wasnt that into me. but today when i pressed the issue, as i am a horny man and frankly im in a damn hurry, she changed her tune, now he was her soul mate. and you know what nothing could have made me happier. my last serious girlfriend was in a committed relationship but it was on the rocks, in part do to her going off her birth control (i was high test compared to her boyfriend, he had better musculature but prenatal test exposure was lower in the womb as evident by me being 6′2 and having masculinized bone structure in comparison to his.) and losing all attraction to him, also i kind of fucked their shit up by randomly confessing my feelings for her, we had known each other for close to ten years at that point, but i never made my feelings known because she was so fucking hot to me i just never thought of her as a possibility quite frankly, i was fucking SHOCKED to find out she felt exactly the same. this same exact scenario played out for me when i was a young man and i literally forced my girlfriend to go on hormonal birth control, the hormones in birth control literally trick your body into thinking that your pregnant, and pregnant women have different taste in men, they are looking for a provider obviously, their behavior changes dramatically, in part because they lose interest in higher testosterone but good physical genetics mates as they need someone to be their when they raise their baby, typically (naturally) this only lasts for 9 months than the baby comes, if the man who fathered the child is able to weather the emotional shit storm, he will stick with you through anything, and is thus a good potential provider for your offspring, the opposite is true if they met you while on hormonal birth control, as they value you for your provider traits and when they go off the bc their body thinks they are no longer pregnant, hence her looking for a big strong bull (me) too impregnate her.

she knew this indian guy since they were children, it was fucking obvious they were meant to be together, i hated being responsible for the heartbreak i caused BOTH of them. dude still wanted to be with her after she kicked him out of her life to fuck some drug addicted retard (me) but heres the thing i am not talking shit about her, they literally cant fucking help it, we are slaves to our hormones. i was very pleased to find out that she was hesitant to go on birth control as it “makes her crazy” i was so glad she brought it up and felt that way, as imagine going over this shit with a potential girlfriend, imagine how well thats going to go over! i have been familiar with hormonal BC’s effects on womens sexual preferences and ability to pair bond since i watched a documentary on the discovery channel about sex with i was 13, i was trying to masturbate, but i learned a lot instead, despite how crazy this sounds, all of this is accepted science and new papers get released about it every couple of years or so, its fucking insane that women arent made aware of this common side effect of birth control, so imagine how fucking conflicted i felt when she was adamant about getting back on birth control, i was 99 percent sure she would fall out of love with me, and at the time , it was insane to me how much she clearly loved me, she promised shed get off birth control as soon as i asked, i pleaded with her, saying that by the time she was on bc for even a couple weeks shed no longer love me or give a fucking shit what i had to say anymore, which seemed RIDICULOUS at the time, but she promised shed go off it as soon as i asked, i knew that would not be the case. within literal days after getting the hormonal IUD put in, she stopped looking at me the same, we started fighting all the time, it was horrible to see, especially for the second time, all men know what i am talking about, when that lok disappears, and of course she didnt get it taken out when i asked, and of course the fighting got worse and worse, who the fuck could stand living with me without loving me, suddenly all the bad shit about me (no job prospects, bad provider) that she had already been aware of for years became an issue, blah blah blah, it wasnt her fault, imagine being forced to live iwth someone who you didnt love, who loved you and stil wanted to fuck you. and of course as the fighting got worse and she slept on the couch, i could no longer sleep, i became obsessively jealous (mate retention strategy caused by testosterone masculinizing the brain) i knew she wasnt cheating on me, there was literally no way, but my guts were twisting and churning every single day, my behavior became increasingly erratic (men behave irrationally as well, in their own way) it all came to a head, after a solid month of the cold shoulder, i had finally landed a job interview to be a car salesmen (i built up a relationship with the neighbor i smoked iwth, and he landed me the job) but the day before i was set to be interviewed we had a massive fight which i started, because i tried to reason with her (in love men and women arent governed by reason) that she had been giving me the silent treatment for a month and i had been on my best behavior, which i had been, buying her gifts and flowers with the profit sharing check i got from my old job, but she started grabbing her stuff to leave, she wouldnt tell me where she was going and in my irrational state i was sure she was going to fuck an entire football team, an unbelievably searingly painful thought for a man, women literally cant comprehend this as they dont experience jealousy in the same way men do. so i slammed out of the house first into the streets of new york city, huffing and puffing trying to to cry as i pushed past the crowded streets, it was like 4 pm in the middle of queens. i found a bar and sat at the center of the bar, it was pretty empty when i walked in since it was like four o clock in the afternoon. i had 300 hundred dollars in my pocket and i spent it all that very night on beers and shots and whiskey sours, i had never gone to a bar of my own volition before and can count on one hand the amount of times id set foot in a bar, but i had been drinking more than i ever had in my life. the pain of jealousy and losing someone that i sincerely loved, and intended to marry was so intense that i started drinking and basically didnt stop until we were separated (havent really touched the stuff since, i dont really like alcohol) but i was losing the girl i loved, she was supposed to be my wife. i drank like there was no fucking tomorrow, just waiting for her to call me, which she did, but there was no love in her voice, no news on where she was, or who she was with (her girlfriends, studying for an exam) so i hung up and went back to drinking, my bartender was a young women, who may have been pretty i was not paying attention, so much so that when she finished her shift and left the bar, and a young woman sat next to me at the bar and tried to talk to me, she grew angry with me that i didnt realize it was the same bartender, who had been serving me drinks all night, she left in a huff, soon i felt people pressing up against my back as i finished my 20th drink of the day, i was way past my limit, but i was about to lose the girl i loved and become homeless on the streets of new york in my mind, she would never have done that to me, but my “home” had evaporated as soon as i left to new york, and after i lost my job delivering refrigerators he made it pretty clear he didnt want me around. he was not my real dad after all, just another of my mothers boyfriends, its not the same as a biological dad, for as good as he was and as much as he did for me, i was becoming too much, i cant describe the fear of the streets for someone who spent their lives homeless or near homeless is like, its always there. so i drank that way as the NYC bar grew very crowded and noisey, i had picked the hottest socail spot in the city to drown my sorrows,. i would drink until i couldnt feel the pain anymore, go home, puke my guts out, not remember anything and then regroup in the morning after she got home from her boyfriends house, thats a problem for tomorrow me. i was just waiting for her to call me and maybe show me some sign of warmth, some sign of the person i fell in love with. she did call me in fact, i was too drunk and the bar was too loud for me to hear it, i got up to take a piss and only then realized how crowded the bar actually was, people were dancing behind me the whole time and i didnt even realize it, it was packed from wall to wall, as i got up to take my piss, my last five fell out of my pocket onto the ground and i nearly fell over trying ot pick it up, plus the last shot i took i just spilled down my shirt sleeve, it was time to go home. i drunkenly stumbled towards the door the bar was so packed i literally had to raise my arms into the air (this detail will be important for later) as i made my way towards the exit suddenly she appeared in the doorway, i cannot describe to you my relief in this moment, how did she even find me? it was the last clear memory i have from that night, the only other memory i have is foggy, me drunkenly bragging that i could have beat up every dude in the bar and girls were totally trying to fuck me (see? im valuable) as she drove me home, the rest of that night is completely lost to me, i found myself suddenly in our bed, in the morning, i felt more hungover than i had ever been in my life by a factor of ten, i was shaking uncontrollably still half drunk and frightened (if youve never blacked completely out before you cant know what thats like) she informed me that i had pushed her, i was horrified, how could this have happened, and what more could i have been capable of, i didnt have time to process that however as her dad was on his way over from upstate new york, in my half drunk and frightened mind i knew he was coming to fight me, i went into fight or flgiht mode *if your dead comes here i wil lfuck him up!” even i couldnt believe i said that , her father was an unbelievably kind and gentle man, but i was frightened, i was gonna be homeless on the streets of new york, a forgotten man who fell through the cracks in the safety net, and worse i deserved it, my sense of self was shattered, how could i have pushed her? she made the right decision in having her father turn around, and head back to upsate new york. i cried like a fucking baby, how could i have done this? my father was a drunk who beat the shit out of my mother, and i remembered it vividly. i sobbed and sobbed, i had been doing a lot of that, i loved her from the beginning and worse, she had loved me too. i had no way of contextualizing it either, for me it was as if someone had woken me up to inform me that in my sleep i had punched a child, think about that, how do you process it? i had prided myself in never putting my hands on a woman unless she asked first (thats its own story that i will never fucking tell) i ddint even remember it, like at all, i ddint even remember us fighting, apparently i was barfing and doing somersaults of the bed and shit, as you do when you are blackout drunk. and she had never drank a drop of alcohol or smoked a single weed in her life, she must have been absolutely terrified. i wanted to die, it was over for good. we had made up in a sense, as the reality of the situation set in, we only ever held each other on the first and last night i was in newyork, and both times, you wont believe this but i have to say it because it was so strange, we cuddled face to face while her two cats cuddled each other inbetween us, only the first and last night.

part of why it was so hard for me, was because i knew i would miss her bitterly for the rest of my life, literally every day until i died, i knew from experience, and she woudl be really upset for a few months maybe and then never think about me again. my only hope was that she got back together with tha tindian boy she grew up with, he fucking cried outside of their apartment, and stil asked about her when she left him for me, this tore me up, as id been on the other end of that, he loved her better than i did, they were meant to be married but hormonal fucker and jewish sabotage has a combined effect of just fucking women right up, men too but i feel worse for the women. if you fuck a guy you should just stay with them honestly, you will be much happier long term. this started out as one thing, and then turned into something different, as i had been meaning to tell that story for years now. i know it seems like a lot of self pity and to be fair theres a lot of remorse too even to this day, i barely touched a drop of alcohol in the years since, and occasionally it will hit me like a ton of bricks out of the blue and i will excuse myself into my room to cry into the macaroni and cheese i was eating.

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creaturebehavior · 6 years

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so proud of myself for getting through today sober

one day at a fucking time again. my one day slip turned into a full blown relapse which I only halfway anticipated. my last slip was a couple weeks ago and it was such a pain that I didn’t do it again until last week. first with the whippits then the cravings for the dissociatives set in then for the deliriants and my first use was so uncomfortable I was begging god to make it stop then a few days later I got the idea that i might get a different result if I tried it again. and I did. I loved it. and then I had to confess to adam and then an empty canister fell out of his pocket and as I was coming down I said I wanted to go get whipits. we binged for two days and it wasn’t good, although friday night I was tripping and hallucinating and it was fun being stupid with him again for a little bit we both got into our addiction zones and it got weird as fuck really fast. he gets so angry when he’s high and I get a little defensive and then when that makes things worse I get submissive. I was crying having a panic attack feeling so little and scared and said I don’t wanna do this anymore and he was so frustrated trying to convince me to drive to get more and I was pleading with him to please just lay down with me and be normal. he got so pissed and I drove to the smoke shop crying but once we got home he shared with me and I told him I promise when we finish the boxes I’ll drive us to get more. we both spent all our money. every time we got more boxes we both said god it’s just not worth it. but we caught ourselves in that loop and we both hated it but our only relief was the oblivion. we swore saturday night was our last run and I meant it at the time. today I tried to convince him to go get more and I was feeling so gross from the detox I wanted it to end. he told me he had no money left and I wanted to prod him and see if he could afford just one more box but I knew it wouldn’t be worth it because i’d only want more. so I sat with it, I took him on errands and I felt disgusting all day. I smoked a lot of cigarettes and fucked him when we got home, mostly to get outside of myself. when im not using, sex becomes my main drug of choice and cigarettes and coffee and shopping and blogging and baclofen keep me going when sex isn’t available. I need to learn to sit with my feelings and stop trying to change the way I feel. it’s fucked up and it’s a slippery slope in sobriety. it’s slightly better than using but the way my addiction works all these things lead me back to using in the end.

we went to a meeting tonight and i didn’t feel like going but I knew I needed to. and im glad adam suggested it because going to a meeting was not something I was thinking about. I forced myself to go like I forced myself to get all those whipits. my thinking was, if my feet could find their way to drugs when i was fucked up then they can find their way to a meeting when im sober. im so glad I went. this guy there shared about doing what i’ve been doing. he went through the steps and drank in between and then was shocked to find no spiritual awakening at the end. I was like well shit. I gotta stop now. and I gotta not pick up again. i’ll give myself at least until the end of step twelve. I deserve to find some happiness, stability, growth, insight. I can do this. i’ve stayed sober for five months before. even if my behaviors were tricky I did stay sober the entire time.

I can do this. it’s gonna be so uncomfortable, but one day i’ll look back at all I got through sober, and being uncomfortable will be familiar and not so intimidating.

addiction is the strangest disease. when you’re in it it’s like watching your own insanity and not being able to control it and when it’s over it’s even more shocking like wow what? I really did those things? like sober me is so normal and addict me is so batshit crazy and irrational and careless and inconsiderate and unreliable. when i reach these moments of clarity, I can’t believe we’re the same person. I cannot even begin to grasp it. but I know when I consume drugs or alcohol I react in such a way that is not normal. I hope i grasp this sobriety thing this time. it seems like im always slipping and having to get back up. one day it has to stop. please god help me make that day today. I have got to stop slacking on putting in all the work i need to do to remain sober and sane. I can’t afford to get lazy no matter how bad I might want to. this is my life. I gotta hang on.

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hillerskas · 7 years

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@tacosguidetothecinema tagged me in the bookworm tag, thanks courtney!

1. Do you remember how you developed a love for reading?

my dad worked on the harry potter computer games so he started reading me the books every weekend before bed and i eventually had to start reading them on my own it just went from there

2. Where do you usually read?

on the train to college or on the sofa at home

3. Do you prefer to read one book at a time or several at once?

i’m reading 9 at once right now ha. i tend to like to switch between books so i keep my focus. sounds impractical, but it works for me

4. What is/are your favourite book(s)?

wonder, shutter island, fight club, holding the man, american psycho, feed, warm bodies and the virgin suicides (honestly can’t choose)

5. Do you have a least favourite book?

if i could i would stab repeatedly, burn and then smoke the ashes of the following books: we were liars (oh my god. o h my god. oh my god i fucking hate that book) and an abundance of katherines (i’m getting angry just thinking about it)

6. What is your favourite genre?

i’m really into young adult and psychological thrillers

7. Is there a genre you won’t read?

i tend not to go for war novels but i’m not entirely against reading them

8. What is the longest book you ever read?

after checking my goodreads, apparently it’s harry potter and the order of the phoenix

9. What book are you currently reading?

this very second i’m reading the bell jar

10. What was the last book you finished?

highly illogical behavior

11. What was the last book you bought?

i bought the secret history yesterday

12. Do you have a favourite book quote?

off the top of my head, it’s the very simple ‘i am going for a long walk’ from the bell jar just because of the significance of it in the book

13. Do you prefer library books or buying books?

definitely owning. just because i’m a twat and like to have books around me and physically see what i’ve read

14. Where do you buy your books?

normally from w.h.smiths, waterstones or hmv

15. How many books do you buy a month?

when i’m getting paid (which i am not atm) it’s probably about 3-5

16. How many books do you own?

im gonna say about... 200?? i think?? maybe more???

17. How do you feel about second hand books?

i love em, they’re still books

18. Do you prefer E-books or physical books?

p h y s i c a l

19. Do you prefer paperback or hardback?

paperbacks are just easier but for the ~aesthetic~ hardbacks are pretty good

20. Do you prefer to read trilogies/series or standalones?

standalones normally but i do like exploring characters more in series if i grow attached to them ***trc cough cough*****

21. What is the weirdest thing you’ve used as a bookmark?

i used actual toilet paper when reading song of achilles because i hated it so much (i’m sorry if you loved it, like everyone does, i just... just...... fuckign hate d it)

22. What is more important to you: characters or plot?

when a plot’s kinda average i don’t really mind if i love the characters, so characters

23. Do you ever judge a book by its cover?

definitely. i can easily get instantly proven wrong but if a cover is cheesy as hell i’m unlikely to pick it up

24. What’s the most beautiful book you own?

cover-wise probably my waterstones edition of a room of one’s own by virginia woolf, word-wise and illustration-wise the anatomy of being by shinji moon

25. What is your favorite book to movie/tv adaptation?

i thought the on screen adaptations of fight club and american psycho were the best i’ve seen which was great because i fucking loved the books

26. What is the best beverage to drink while reading a book?

strong sugary tea, my guy

27. Are you looking forward to any book release? If so, which one?

adam silvera’s releasing/has released 2 books this year and i’m dying to read them

28. Recommend me a book :3

feed by m.t. anderson. i hated it the first time i attempted to read it, but when i finally got it, i restarted and then finished the book and it was so so good. also holding the man made me cry for half an hour after i’d finished it so i highly recommend that as well (and the movie omg)

i’m gonna tag: @snowsjon and @ghostlieb bc u guys read right

#thanks i love books so much #tag thing #books

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themanicgalaxy · 3 years

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SPN 5X18 Point of No Return

huh oh

ahaha zach got fired

the end of the world probably felt like it then tbh

he's taking this SO well you guys

MY BOSS AHAHA

OH MY GOD IT'S THE FUCKING GIF

boy this really went to show how little angels care about humanity huh

those men are so fucking DEAD

this...this does kinda read like a suicide actually

this is INCREDIBLY fucked what the hell

...JAKE ABEL?

IS ADAM IN THIS ONE? WHAT?

boy you really thought that would work

they do have nothing

ah he's wearing blue

and not the jacket hm

CAS

THIS IS AN INTERVENTION DEAN

"you're not my father" DEAN THAT'S NOT GONNA MAKE THEM STOP IT'S GONNA MAKE IT WORSE

Bobby is in DARK places too jeez

boy this is awkward

ya I see the Sastiel now

oh my god it's a callback to lazarus rising

KNIFE FLIP

I went back to look at knife flip

boy he's GOOD AT FIGHTING

god I hope they didn't actually bury him too

ADAM?

Rib sigils! now ur one of the siblings!

oh my god he doesn't remember

boy this must be a fun sell

ah yes you get the family outfit of FLANNEL

aHA DEAN TRIES TO BE THE COOL BIG BROTHER

ah he counts too

"maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be able to withstand them" "bite me" AHAHAH

"uh cuz they're angels"

AHAHA DEAN AND ADAM ARE LITTLE SHITS

Dean's funny when he's fucking Losing it

sarcastic lil shit

ah hold the mom hostage

DEAN HALF SMILES AGAIN

they're all like "yeah that tracks"

SAM GETS TO BE THE ASSHOLE BIG BROTHER IM CACKLING

so he was INCREDIBLY absent for Adam too! yay!

john winchester I FUCKING HATE YOU

"last person who looked at me like that..I got laid" WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE INTENT HERE

WAS IT A JOKE? I DON'T UNDERSTAND

"I don't believe in you" ah jEESUS

"you're angry and self-righteous" and you hate yourself! opposite problems!

Bobby is...trying...so hard

oh my GOD DEAN

DEAN THAT WAS R U D E

he really doesn't wanna be helped huh

"then cuff him to your chair" ahaha

ah zach got to him uh oh

"erotically codependent" WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THAT WAS Y O U R FAULT

THE END IS NEAR

AHAHA CAS IS PISSED

I...I don't understand

what the intent was

OH MY GOD DEAN LOOKS SO FUCKED

"what happened to him" "me" AHAHAH

IT'S THE SET! FROM SEASON 4!!

ah Adam was simply the bait

~Illegitimate half brother of the one we care about~ oh my god Zach

yeah angels are dicks welcome to the club adam

just...cough up blood...just..

dammit zach

"don't piss off the nerd angels" I feel like you enjoyed that

no they're right this is a godawful idea

distrust of ur kid vs faith in ur parent

I really hate this metaphor it works so well

THE STRUT WITH THE TRENCHCOAT

"I don't have the same faith in you that sam does" oh my god the prolonged eye contact

Cas you are JUST As bad

knifeflipknifeflipknifeflip

JESUS FUCK HE SIGILED HIMSELF

Castiel you fucking moron

aw Adam

big bro Dean!

your hemmoraging brothers

no you see he's stubborn

...does he do it

there's...is that it?

there has to be a plan

smirk?

smirk??

HE GOT HIM!

oh I love the smoking wings I do love that

nOO OH COME ON NOT ADAM! NOT AGAIN

I JUST WANT THEM TO BE A SQUAD I'M SO SAD

"but we'll get them" that's nice

"the damndest thing changed my mind" seriously

the metaphor

aw "don't wanna let you down"

this ... yeah this reads like a parent letting their kid go speech

i hate this metaphor

hey! he's back!

aw Sam's so happy

1. once you read the thing as "Dean is Sam's parent and Sam is Dean's kid"...everything about their dynamic makes...an uncomfortable amount of sense. Like pile in a bit of sibling, but it's mostly that unhealthiness there

2. cas and dean are...I...There's ways to interpret it, sure, but .... like cmon some of that stuff is just so fucking blatant

3. God I want Adam to come in and have them be a squad. I think it would be SO funny

4. Angel death is still cool

5. I love Cas

6. Bobby I am so sorry your kids are traumatized little shits

7. Saying yes to Michael playing out as kinda a suicide metaphor is...really kinda messed up, right? I'm not the only one that thinks that?

#pawswatchesspn #5x18 point of no return #ok godDAMN this season is good #I was on the edge of my seat the ENTIRE time like #as much as I hate to say it #I suppose that was good writing

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