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spideyjimin · 2 months

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Perfect time | jjk

⤷ part of the timing series

⏤ pairing: jungkook x female reader

⏤ genre: parent au, exes to lovers, ceo au, angst, fluff, and smut

⏤ rating: 18+

⏤ warnings: dilf!jungkook, tattooed!jungkook, swearing, mention of heartbreak, childbirth, mention of complications during childbirth, mention of abortion, mention of death, mention of toxic relationship, low self esteem, mention of the motherhood’s hardships, mention of sex, teasing, flirting, sexual tension, nipple play, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, jealousy, mention of breakups, dispute, making out, fingering, and creampie

⏤ words: 18,086

⏤ summary: right or wrong time? actually, was there a time at all for you and jungkook? following your heartbreaking conversation with him, you feel that you were loved but not wanted. however, would it be worse than feeling wanted but not loved? nevertheless, there’s a deep feeling inside you telling you that it’s far from being over with jungkook. will this mean that one day it will be the perfect time?

⏤ author’s note: the final part is finally here! it's less than 20k as I thought it would be but it's still quite long for me 🥴 I truly hope you enjoy this last part of the timing series, it was honestly super fun to write it & it also helped me a lot! i hope you like this part, let me know what you think! thanks a lot for all the amazing support , it made this wild experience very funny! 💛

As you’re looking at the screen with total disbelief, it makes you feel that the universe is throwing an unpleasant joke at your face. Your heart suddenly starts beating extremely fast in your chest. There’s absolutely no possible way that this moment is really happening. That this is real.

Your world is totally collapsing under your feet.

The past nine months have been quite hard, especially after the heartbreak Jungkook caused. Remembering the day he abandoned you sends shivers down your spine. You don’t like thinking about that moment because you felt completely alone with your bleeding heart in your hands. Currently, you don’t really know if you moved on from him but you’ve been seeing a guy, Yeonjun for the past two months. You’re not dating but you’re simply enjoying each other's company. Being around him makes you happy and that’s all that matters.

Right now, you’re lying on a medical examination table in the emergency room. This morning you woke up with terrible back pain. A pain that had only been growing even though you took some painkillers. Throughout your life, you experienced quite a lot of back pain so at first, this didn’t really surprise you, especially since yesterday was a crazy day.

Then, a stomach ache was added on top of the back pain which made everything very much unbearable. Yeonjun told you from the beginning to go to the doctor to check that out but you refused. When the stomach ache appeared, he took you to the hospital. There was no way he was going to let you suffer even though you were being very stubborn and you didn’t want to go.

Well, now that you’re looking at that screen, you believe he did right. He’s staying in the waiting room while you’re being examined. But thinking of him currently breaks your heart because what you’re seeing on the screen will probably put an end to the blooming relationship between you. You don’t want to lose him, he’s been such a ray of sunshine in your life. Even Lux told you that you look happier than ever since he’s been part of your life.

“I believe there is no need to tell you that we’re looking at a fully developed baby,” the obstetrician tells you. “Considering the size and the position of the baby, I would say that you’re in labor.”

A tear runs down your face. Since the baby is fully developed, it means that they were conceived nine months ago. Jungkook is the father of this baby of yours. He’s the only man you slept with nine months ago.

“Based on what I see right now, there are no concerning health problems but we would need to take several exams once they are born,” she adds.

You’re in complete shock. How on earth is this even possible? How could you have not noticed this? Were there even signs that you ignored? How could this baby have grown hidden inside your body? And why has this happened?

“I know this is a big shock,” the obstetrician says with a lot of sympathy. “But the only thing we can do right now is deliver this baby, check that everything is okay with them, and then you will think about what you’ll do.”

She isn’t wrong but your brain has totally stopped working. You’re not able to think or say anything because this is just too much to process.

“Would you let me check how many centimeters you are dilated?”

You simply nod because like she said, the focus right now is to deliver this little human safely. She informs you to remove your pants and underwear, to place your foot in the foot supports, and to place your butt as close as possible at the end of the table. She places herself in between your legs to examine you properly. She definitely isn’t the person you were expecting to have between your legs…

As this moment completely overwhelms you, all that you want is to have your mama with you. You just wish to be in the comfort of your mama’s arms because no other arms will ever be able to comfort you, well except your father’s. And right now, you feel like a little baby that needs to be reassured by her parents.

“You’re 7 centimeters dilated,” she informs you. “The baby is almost here. We would need to move you to a delivery room.”

She keeps talking about all the information you need to know before the delivery. But your mind stopped listening after ‘the baby is almost here’. You’re simply disconnected from reality since this is too much to handle. All you think about is to have your mama. Nothing else.

“Would you need someone to come?” she asks you.

“I need to call my mama,” you reply.

The obstetrician helps you to come down from the examination table. Quickly, you put back your underwear and trousers. As you do so, you notice that your belly has grown a tiny bit. In the midst of what she said while you were disconnected, you heard her saying that your belly will suddenly grow a lot until childbirth. This is scary. Extremely scary.

Once dressed, you grab your phone to call your mom. The obstetrician indicates to you to follow her to move to the delivery room.

“Mama,” you say when your mom picks up.

“Hello, sweetie,” she answers.

“Mama,” you repeat, “I’m going to have a baby very soon,” you immediately burst into tears.

Now that you’ve said it out loud, it seems real. You’re really going to have a baby today, you’re about to become a mother. The mother of yours and Jungkook’s baby. But you’re absolutely not ready to endorse that role. However, beyond not being ready to take on that role, you also have nothing prepared in your apartment to welcome a baby. No bed, no clothes, no diapers, and all the other things a mother is supposed to have when having a child.

But the true question right now is: do you want to keep the baby? or would you give them up for adoption?

“Yn,” she starts saying, “where are you?”

You tell her which hospital you are in and she immediately declares that she’ll be there in a couple of minutes. With surprise, the obstetrician hugs you to try to soothe you. Honestly, it’s also hard for her to see you in this ravaged state.

“I’m so sorry to be the one announcing this devastating news, miss y/l/n,” she whispers while caressing your back. “I really want to say that everything will be alright but it’s a promise I can’t make. Childbirth is hard, there might be complications, the baby could have issues that I couldn’t see in the ultrasound, and after all that, you will need to decide if you want to keep the baby.”

You hug her even more because it’s hard to hear all those things. This day is only getting worse and worse. Not only have you found out that you’re carrying a baby that you’ll have to deliver, but you’ll have to decide what to do if they live and have no health issues at birth. Give them up for adoption or keep them.

“Your mother is coming, right?” she asks and you nod. “Then, you’ll have the biggest support,” she adds. “Have you also informed the father of the baby?”

Right there, your body freezes even more. In the middle of all this chaos, you haven’t thought of informing Jungkook. Actually, you haven't even considered having Yeonjun informed since he’s waiting for you to come back. But you have to inform both of them, they can’t stay in the dark and even if you’re angry at Jungkook, you have to tell him. He deserves to have the choice to be present at your baby’s birth.

So you pull away from the obstetrician to call your ex. She instantly understands that you’re about to call your baby’s father. She takes a step back to give you the space you need. As you’re waiting for Jungkook to pick up, you nervously bite your lower lip. You haven’t spoken in nine months, and now you’re about to tell him that you’re carrying his child who will be born still today.

“Yn,” Jungkook says with surprise when he picks up.

Jungkook wasn’t expecting at all to receive a call from you, especially after what he did. He hears you sniffle and honestly, it breaks his heart. He wonders if it has anything to do with the space he asked for or if it has anything to do with him at all.

“Are you okay?” he asks with evident concern.

“I’m calling you because I’m about to give birth to our child. If you wish to be present, you can come,” you simply inform him.

At your words, his body completely freezes. He can’t believe what he’s hearing and many questions cross his mind. But honestly, he doesn’t want to waste a second questioning you, it’s better to join you at the hospital and raise any questions there. It would be better. After that, he asks which hospital you are in and he leaves his company to get to you as soon as possible.

Nurses appear in the room, asking you to wear a hospital blouse while the obstetrician calls for Yeonjun. Slowly but surely, your belly grows bigger. It’s still small but currently, you probably look like you’re 4-5 months pregnant. The blouse kind of hides it but it’s there, your pregnant belly is there. This is becoming very real. You’re about to give birth to a baby that you created with Jungkook. A little human will come to the surface of the earth because of you.

However, the only reasonable thing to do is to give this baby up for adoption. Jungkook broke your heart, you haven’t spoken since then and you’re absolutely not ready for this. A baby isn’t a little thing. A baby is a human you’ll have to forever take care of. A baby you’ll be responsible for at least 18 years. This baby will forever link you with Jungkook and because of all those reasons, this baby will be happier with another family. If you had found out about this pregnancy at its premises, you would have aborted. There’s no doubt about it. Now, you can’t abort but you can offer them a much better life.

As you’re walking in circles in the room to distract from the excruciating pain, Yeonjun enters the room with worry written all over his face.

“Yn,” he says while coming in your direction, “what’s going on?”

You take a very deep breath as you feel a contraction. “I’m about to give birth,” you tell him, “to Jungkook’s child.”

With Yeonjun, you have spoken quite early on about your ex but you haven’t spoken about everything. He knows the most important things, just as you know the overall story of his relationship with his ex. His eyes wide open, absolutely surprised by your words. All this time that he has known you, there was literally a human growing inside you. That’s wild.

“It’s a cryptic pregnancy,” you add. “The pain I’ve been feeling was due to the fact that I was in labor.”

Yeonjun nods, understanding the situation. It all makes sense now. But he’s worried about you, about what you’re feeling right now.

“How are you?” he asks with concern.

“Not good,” you reply. “Physically this is horrible and emotionally, it’s devastating. My mind is all over the place but I don’t want this baby,” you tell him crying.

Yeonjun holds you close and dearly in his arms. He can only imagine how you are feeling right now. This is a life-changing thing. After this, you’ll never be the same no matter what decision you take.

“I don’t want this baby,” you keep repeating while sobbing in his arms.

He doesn’t know what to say nor what to do. You’re in pain physically and emotionally and all he can do is support you through this. It’s not going to be easy from now on but he’ll hold your hand, he’ll be there for you because it is what you need. His heart is very much broken when he hears you crying and repeating that you don’t want this baby. It’s hard for him but he pushes away what he’s feeling to be there for you, to focus solely on you.

His eyes scan the room to find a nurse. He needs guidance to help you in the best way possible. Plus, he knows that you deeply need it as well. The medical team needs to guide you through everything until the birth. A nurse enters the room at that precise moment.

“Have you changed your clothes, miss y/l/n?” she asks while getting closer to you two.

“Yes,” you answer, looking up at her, “but please call me yn.”

She nods with a little smile.

“The obstetrician informed me about the full situation. The good news is that the baby is very well-positioned and they are slowly descending. I will need to examine you so we can check if we see their head.”

This time, you’re the one nodding. Yeonjun helps you to reach the hospital bed and to lay down. It’s quite difficult to move with this terrible pain caused by the contractions. The nurse checks everything and a smile appears on her face.

“So we see the baby’s head, this is good. Now, it’s a matter of hours before the baby is here.”

Tears roll even more down your face. In a matter of hours, your world would change forever because of this exact baby that you don’t want.

“Yn, I know it’s very hard for you right now but I need you to only focus on giving birth,” she says. “I will guide you through every step and I won’t be leaving you alone. In no time, this pain will be gone.”

Her words are adorable and it touches you deeply but it doesn’t change anything.

“Now, I will need to monitor your contraction and baby’s heartbeat. It won’t hurt, I’ll only place a monitor on your belly. Is it okay?”

Again you nod. While the monitor is placed on your belly, the door opens, revealing another nurse with your mom. She runs to you. The first thing she does is place a kiss on your forehead.

“Oh my god,” she whispers. “It’s really happening.”

For everyone in this room, it feels unreal. This pregnancy has had the effect of a bomb because it is beyond unexpected. Nobody saw anything and your mother feels some guilt as she sees you with tears in your eyes and so much pain painted all over your face. She should have noticed it.

But it’s nobody’s fault. Nobody could have seen it.

“I don’t want this baby, mama,” you say with tears running down your face.

“I know, sweetheart,” she caresses your face. “But don’t think about it now, focus on giving birth, and then, you’ll decide what to do with the baby,” she says before pressing another kiss on your forehead.

“But I don’t want…”

Before you can finish your sentence, the door opens to reveal Jungkook. His eyes land on the only person he has ever deeply loved. You. He instantly notices that you’re suffering ⏤ and not just a bit ⏤ but his heart breaks when he sees you crying. This only sight is too much for him but he’s here. Never would he have missed the birth of his child. Your child. This is something he never thought possible. Neither did you.

The atmosphere is quite heavy in the room, all of you feel it. All eyes are on Jungkook, he offers a little smile before walking in your direction. Yeonjun moves to give him the space to be near you, and it’s just at that moment that Jungkook notices him. However, he doesn’t really start questioning who this man is and what he is doing here. All he cares about right now is to understand this situation.

As you see Jungkook standing next to you, it makes this chaotic situation even more real, which makes it even more overwhelming. You can’t have a baby with him, it’s not possible. Things between you have never worked out and they are actually complicated.

“Hey, yn,” he finally says. “What is going on?”

“I didn’t know,” you tell him, still crying. “I promise you that I didn’t.”

The second he entered the room, Jungkook instantly understood that you weren’t aware of this pregnancy. The suffering was beyond the one of childbirth, there was an evident emotional distress written all over your face and it was combined with the pain of childbirth. He assisted at Arya’s birth so he saw how painful it is to give birth to a little human. So, naturally, he didn’t need you to say anything to understand the full picture.

“It’s okay, yn,” he gently says, “I knew it.”

You nod. Every person in this room is shattered to see you like this. Your mother and Jungkook would even say that this comes close to how you were when your sister passed away. You look completely overwhelmed by the situation, and the only other time it happened was with your sister’s death.

“How are you feeling?”

Even though this is causing a lot of pain, you can see that Jungkook is genuinely and deeply concerned about you.

“Not good,” you admit honestly, “and I don’t want this baby.”

“It’s understandable, yn,” he replies. “This is a massive surprise, and giving birth is hard too but you have the support of every person here, we won’t let you down in this particularly difficult moment.”

To be honest, you weren’t expecting those words to come from Jungkook’s mouth. From your mother or from Yeonjun, yes but never from Jungkook. However, it warms your heart. Having them three supporting you through this difficult moment helps tremendously. It doesn’t erase the physical and emotional pain but it eases it.

The following hours have been the most painful ones that you ever experienced. Time seemed to have completely stopped while the intensity of the contractions smashed you completely. But slowly, you could sense the baby descending. It was extremely weird but it was also a very unique experience. Even if you were in pain, you were also in awe of everything that your body was doing to give birth to your child.

You walked a lot in the hospital with Jungkook and your mother to help out with the pain but you were stopping every time you were having a contraction. Yeonjun was present but in the background because this moment was yours and Jungkook’s. It wasn’t his even though he really wished to be part of it. This wasn’t his child that you were delivering. It was Jungkook’s.

Once you reached the 10 centimeters of dilation, you laid down on the hospital bed to give birth to your baby. It was horrible to push, you were feeling like everything inside you was getting ripped. Feeling the baby being pushed down was awful. Jungkook was holding your left hand, encouraging you the way he could. On your right side, it was your mother that was holding your hand. Yeonjun wasn’t in the room, you were simply allowed to have 2 people with you. It broke your heart that he had to leave but honestly, he preferred that way. What truly mattered to him was to be present for all the other moments. Plus, he’ll be present for you once the baby is born. He’ll support you when you have to make a decision concerning your baby.

After what felt like an eternity, the room was filled with the loud cries of your baby. The baby was instantly put against your chest, your hands automatically wrapped him to make sure that they were really here. The feeling of your child’s skin against yours eased your mind in a way that you can’t express. However, what hit you the most was the love you felt for that tiny human. How could that even be possible? Hours ago you didn’t even want this child to even exist but right after being born, you felt love for them.

This love you felt isn’t that love described by every mother. It wasn’t like loving your mom for example but there was a certain love, one that you weren’t expecting to feel since you didn’t want this baby in the first place.

The baby’s cries calmed down when they were placed against you. Your hands naturally caressed them in an attempt to calm them down. The moment was reassuring for you both and definitely very much needed. It was your first interaction together. The first moment you shared with the little human you created.

“This is a very loud little boy,” the obstetrician said while revealing the gender of your baby. Her eyes looked up at Jungkook. “Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?”

Your ex nodded before moving closer to her. She showed him where to cut and he did it with immense pride. It was the second umbilical cord that he cut but each time, he felt nothing more than pride. The pride of becoming a father.

“This strong boy was born on December 15th at 22:01,” the obstetrician said while looking at the clock in the room.

The second the time of birth was announced you handed the baby to Jungkook. Despite everything, he was the father after all and he deserved a first moment with his son. A big smile appeared on his face when he saw his son for the first time. Just like you, he felt an unexplainable love for this tiny baby. Honestly, while you were in labor, he didn’t stop to think if he wanted to keep this child or give them up for adoption. He was only focused on helping you out.

Inexplicably, as you were watching them, you felt something inside your heart. Again, it was something you can’t quite describe but it was definitely some sort of love. If you were honest with yourself, you’d know that you were still in love with Jungkook, and seeing him with your child made your heart burst even more with love.

Your eyes were glued to that little tiny human that you literally pushed out from your body. This morning, you were still simply you. And just like that, at night, you became a mother.

Jungkook spent the night with you at the hospital. He informed Eunjin that he would need her to take care of Arya for at least a week. He didn’t explain the reason behind his request but he told her that he would explain later. Right now, what matters the most is being next to you and figuring this all out. Because now, you’ll have to decide the future of the boy you conceived.

Your son underwent multiple tests in the first hours of his tiny existence to confirm that he didn’t have any serious medical condition, which was the case. The little baby is in solid health and he amazes you even more, he dearly held on to life. No matter what decision you make, you will forever admire this strong little boy.

For the past hour, you’ve been looking at him sleeping in his little crib. The nurses swaddled him in a blanket and put a little cap on him. You can’t help but find him extremely adorable but as you stare at him you wonder if keeping him is the best thing to do. Merely hours before he was born, you didn’t want him but the love you felt for him the minute he was born has changed everything. You’re not sure anymore about what has to be done.

“He’s so calm,” Jungkook’s voice echoes in the room.

Your eyes look up at him. He’s sitting on a chair, on the other side of the crib and he’s also been staring at your son for the past hour. Both of you are completely lost, none of you knows what to do. For sure, you both have always wanted to have children but never under those circumstances. Well, Jungkook feels extremely guilty to have another child with someone he’s not in a relationship with and he can only blame himself for it. But this time, it’s completely different. This was a surprising birth.

“He is,” you reply. “It seems like he doesn’t want to bother anyone,” you add.

Seeing this little baby brings Jungkook back to the day Arya was born. She was even tinier than him, they were also very different but the love he felt for them the second he saw them for the first time is exactly the same. They are both his children, the flesh of his flesh. Looking at his tiny son makes him want to keep him. He wants to protect this little human. He wants to raise him. He wants to see him grow. He wants to see what kind of person he will become. He simply wants to give him love.

But the truth is that it ain’t that simple. Neither of you expected this baby to arrive and he knows very well that he broke your heart. Things are definitely not easy between you. Adding a child in the mix won’t make this any easier so realistically speaking giving him up for adoption is the best thing you could do for this child. He’ll be with parents who will deeply love him, with parents who will be happily together. He’ll grow up in a much better environment. This child deserves the best.

“This whole situation breaks my heart for him,” you say while your gaze moves between your son and your ex. “He’s been hiding for 9 months, surviving while I wasn’t taking any precaution. I have so much admiration for him but he deserves better,” your eyes now stop on Jungkook. “I didn’t even want him before he was born, I didn’t even notice him. He was literally growing inside me and I didn’t see him. What kind of human am I?”

You start crying intensely. Jungkook stands up, running in your direction before holding you tightly in his arms. You blame yourself a lot for this whole situation. If you had noticed your pregnancy earlier, you wouldn’t be in this position right now. Feeling his strong arms around you brings you some kind of comfort. It also makes you feel like you’re not alone.

“Hey,” Jungkook says while rubbing your back, “don’t be hard on yourself like that. It is definitely not your fault, this is something you couldn’t have noticed. And look at him, he’s very healthy, he’s perfectly fine so even if you didn’t feel him, you did everything great otherwise he wouldn’t be here and healthy.”

Your eyes are completely shut while you sob in Jungkook’s arms. Honestly, having him by your side in this crazy situation is very helpful and very much needed. You desire nothing more than to be angry at him for absolutely everything but this is a position you both put yourself in. You need him to navigate this together and in the best way possible. This is a human’s life we’re talking about. It’s not a little thing you can get over.

“This is definitely a tricky position we’re both in because we have to decide what’s best for him in such a short amount of time but I truly believe that he’s here for a reason. No matter what decision we take, I’m sure he’s going to do just fine because he’s your son. You’re a very strong person and look how strong he already is. I’m absolutely proud of the little man he already is,” Jungkook confesses. “Being able to call him my son swells my heart with pride.”

Fatherhood is something Jungkook knows very well. Being proud of your child is something you feel the second they’re born. But in this case, he feels even more pride for him because he survived 9 months while hiding inside you. He’s very much aware that the decision you’ll take will be the best for him but he’ll forever feel tremendous pride for this little man.

“You’re not at fault nor should you feel guilty for all of this. It’s nobody’s fault here. Things are pretty rocky right now but we will go through everything together. I won’t ever leave you alone.”

Jungkook means every word that leaves his mouth. He’s not proud of the way he handled things when you came back to his life but this is a situation that he doesn’t want to run away from. For sure, he can’t leave you alone, especially right now. He’s aware that you need him more than ever, and he also needs you. And from now on and whatever happens, he’ll forever be by your side. There’s no way he can abandon you after this.

“However, now, we should focus on what future we want to offer him,” he whispers.

The way you’re holding on to his arms reminds him of the time your sister passed away. That’s the only other time that you held him like this. It feels like your life really depends on it and that if you let go, you’ll die. And it devastates him. Because those two events are completely opposites. The last time was because of the ending of a life, death and this time is because of the beginning of a life, birth.

“I don’t know, Kook,” you manage to say in between sobs.

“Then, let’s think together,” he says while gently pushing you.

As much as he wants to be the strong one, he can’t when he sees your ravaged face. This is beyond heartbreaking. His hands place your hair behind your ears while you clean your face. You thank him for helping you out, and he offers you a little smile. Both of you quickly glance at the little boy peacefully sleeping in the crib.

“We need to think beyond what we are feeling right now, okay?” he asks and you nod. “So, first off, what would happen to him if we gave him up for adoption?”

You take a moment to think. It’s a bit complicated to really think with all the overwhelming negative emotions you’re feeling right now but you try as hard as possible to push them aside. You really want to focus on your son’s future, he truly deserves it.

“Well, a social worker would come to take him and probably ask us if we are 100% sure we want to put him up for adoption. Afterwards, I’d be discharged and we would both go back home. We would resume back to our lives pretending that nothing ever happened,” you say, Jungkook nods agreeing with your reasoning. “However, we would realize that it’s impossible to pretend that nothing ever happened. Right there, we would most probably regret our decision and imagine how things could have turned out if we kept him. Maybe, we would reach out to each other to discuss it. We would cry and we would probably try to find him to see what he has become.”

Just the thought of having regrets hurts a lot for the two of you. At that exact moment, the right decision becomes quite clear but it is still best to go through both scenarios.

“Now, from his point of view,” you say. “Most probably he’d have a rather good life unless he remains forever in a foster home. There are chances that he’d grow up feeling unloved, he’d wonder why we gave him up for adoption. If he ended up in a family that would deeply love him, he’d be loved but there would forever be this feeling of being not wanted. That feeling would also come from the fact that I had a cryptic pregnancy and that he was hiding all along,” you finalize.

This is a heartbreaking reality but you’ve heard in many documentaries that most adopted kids feel that way. It’s hard for them to feel wanted and loved. Your son doesn’t deserve to grow with that feeling simply because he wasn’t expected in your life. It’s a shock right now but it won’t be the case forever.

“I couldn’t agree more with you,” Jungkook replies. “And now for the other scenario?”

His big doe eyes stare at you deeply. You give yourself a couple of seconds before replying although you pretty much know the answer.

“First off, we would have to find a name because he couldn’t go by baby forever,” a little smile appears on your face as you look at your little baby. Jungkook notices the way you smile and it can’t help but warm his heart. “We would have to find an arrangement and figure out how we would want to raise him. It probably would never be easy but I guess we could find a common ground for him. There’s absolutely no doubt that we’d love him but we would need some time to overcome the shock we both feel right now. I’m very much uncertain about what the future holds if we keep him but I know that no matter what we’ll love him with all our hearts because we are his parents.”

Saying out loud that you are his parents is another reality check, and those are the final words to conclude your decision. It’s quite obvious what you’ll do. You’re keeping him.

“On my side, the decision is quite taken,” you say, looking up at Jungkook.

His deep stare sends shivers down your spine. Honestly, it would be a lie to say that you don’t feel anything anymore for this man but it’s best to brush it off.

“I’ll keep him because, in the long run, it is a decision that I would never regret,” you explain. “I’m very much aware that it’s not going to be easy for a lot of reasons but I already love him so much and I will forever love him. I can’t give him up for adoption because I will eventually regret it and I will break him by doing so. He deserves the best, I’m convinced I can give him that or at least I’ll try every day to do it,” you say. “Because I’m his mom.”

Jungkook smiles when you say that you’re the mother of his child. He doesn’t doubt at all that you’ll be a great mom, from his perspective, you already are.

“But the final decision will also depend on you,” you add.

“My decision was basically taken the second I laid my eyes on him,” he tells you. “But I had some doubts due to the shock. However, now that we’ve thought of both scenarios, all that I have to say is that I would never be able to live without him. He’s my son. I couldn’t live with myself if I gave him up for adoption.”

You’re thankful Jungkook was the reasonable one that made you really think about the future. A decision can’t be taken on a temporary feeling because it can cause a lot of damage. For sure, due to the surprise, giving him up for adoption seems like the right option but in the long run, it isn’t for any of you. Three lives would forever be broken.

“Thank you,” you say as you lay on your head on his shoulder.

Jungkook would be lying if he said that he didn’t love feeling your head on his shoulder. He would say right here that he regrets what he did to you nine months ago but he’s also very much aware that he doesn’t deserve you, especially not after what he did to you. It also won’t be correct of him to discuss that when you’re going through a tough time. Right now, all he can do is support you and be a good father to your child.

For the entire day, there’s been only you, Jungkook, and your little boy. You both agreed to be alone the entire day to focus on the right decision to take and to also find a name for your baby boy. But it has been a struggle. None of you seem to agree on a name.

“Did it take you and Eunji so long to find Arya’s name?” you ask.

Even though you know where the name comes from, Eunji also chose it. Your ex didn’t name his daughter all by himself, there’s a mother too. At the end of the day, she was the one who carried Arya for nine months.

“Well, it for sure took us more than 5 months,” he replies. “When we found out that it was a girl, we started a list with all the names we loved. However, we didn’t like the names the other liked. For 2 months, we kept adding names to the list to see if we could find one. Arya wasn’t on my list because it had a deep meaning for me, it was the name we agreed to give to our daughter,” his eyes stare deeply at you.

You still remember the day you were talking about all the cute names you’d give to your children. It’s a moment that always warms your heart because back then, everything seemed so easy. Your sister was still alive, you hadn’t kissed your ex-crush, everything was going well with Jungkook, and you were still head over heels in love with him. Well, honestly, it is still the case today even if he broke your heart.

The man standing in front of you has been your greatest love, the first man you really and deeply loved. A first real love always remains in your heart although they hurt you. They will forever stay in your heart. Hopefully, with time, the strong feelings you have for Jungkook will diminish, or at least, you hope that you will be able to keep moving with your life without those sentiments being an obstacle to your romantic life.

“Proposing that name would be like a betrayal towards you. I couldn’t do that,” he whispers. “Eunji was the one proposing it and at first, I pretended I didn’t like it. She really loved it but it was kind of removed from our list, which was still empty when she was 7 months pregnant,” a little smile appears on his face. “Then, at that point, you realize your daughter will be here very soon and you have to find a name. We needed to find compromises, we needed to find names that we at least liked a little bit. Again, Arya was not on our list,” his eyes never leave your face.

Honestly, as you glare at him, you can see in his eyes all the affection he has for you but you brush it off. However, it is actually the way he’s looking at you. Jungkook holds a lot of affection for you. He’ll always cherish you even though he behaved like a child. His heart still burns for you but he can’t come back in your life. Or at least not right now. For sure, if he does so, he’s very much aware that he’ll break your heart once more and you absolutely don’t deserve it. He’s even convinced that he doesn’t deserve you.

Those past nine months, he got the time to sit down and contemplate his actions. Unquestionably, he acted like a child. He was selfish, he only took from you what interested him, and then threw you away. But honestly, he never wondered what it would be like to have you back in his life. For the past ten years, he desperately wanted you back but he didn’t consider past that, probably because deep down, he was convinced that you would never come back. However, you came back and everything simply became overwhelming.

“Eunji kept bringing back Arya, and I don’t know, I simply gave up at some point because I always adored that name,” he explains. “I only explained after the birth of Arya why I didn’t want that name for our daughter, but honestly, for a long moment, I felt I betrayed you. I know it’s a deep emotion but back then, I hadn’t moved on.”

It is still the case today. The only difference now is that you’re actually around him and things are way more complicated than back then because he’s the one that messed everything up. Today, it’s his own fault if he can’t move on.

For a brief moment, you simply stare at each other like there’s nobody else but you in the room. It brings you both back to the time when you were lovers, when everything was absolutely easy. For a moment, you forget all the terrible things that have happened between you. You forget how toxic your relationship has been. It’s easy to forget when strong feelings are involved.

“It’s nice to finally know the background of Arya’s name,” you break this special moment, your eyes looking down at the little baby sleeping. “Now, we have to find one for our little mister.”

Well, this time around, you don’t have 5 months to find a name for your son. Today, he needs to have a name because he needs to be registered. The nurses have agreed to extend the deadline a bit but only because Jungkook is quite known and they were charmed by him.

“You know, I want his name to be related to my sister in some kind of way because I think she has sent him to us,” you say, convinced that your little man is a little gift from her. A gift she’s giving to you and Jungkook. She always adored him, you used to call yourself the ‘Fantastic Four’. You used to spend a lot of time with her and her boyfriend, it was always a good time.

“Yes, I’m also convinced she gave us this little man, and it would only make sense to name him in a way related to her,” he replies.

Jungkook was terribly affected by her death. He loved your sister, she was one of his closest friends, and losing her was devastating. Certainly not in the same way as you because she was your everything. As you lost her, you lost a big part of yourself.

“She’s my angel, the star that shines the brightest in the sky,” you add.

“Maybe we could try finding a name whose meaning is star?” Jungkook suggests.

You nod, totally agreeing with him. That’s definitely a fantastic idea. Jungkook googles ‘boy name meaning star’, and you both look at the suggestions. There’s nothing really interesting and matching your interests. The only thing you agreed on was to give him a short name like Arya.

The boy name you had chosen when you were younger was Axel but when you looked at your son, it didn’t feel like it was his name. He doesn’t have a face of being called Axel but in case you don’t manage to find a name for him, you’ll go with Axel. It would have made sense to name him like that because it was your decision but it doesn’t seem right.

However, the name Leo appears in Google's suggestions. The name catches your attention. Leo makes reference to a constellation in the sky and it also means lion. This is the perfect name for your child. A constellation is a group of stars so it definitely makes reference to your sister. Lion is a very strong animal, and your little baby is already very strong. This name is absolutely perfect for your son.

You and Jungkook look at each other with a bright smile on your faces. There’s no need to say anything, you both fell in love with this name. Then you look down at your calm little boy.

Jeon Leo, it’s perfect.

You bend down as much as you can, your body is completely sore from giving birth. It hurts everywhere. You caress the soft face of your son, he giggles a bit but not much. Now, this is your reality. You’re the mother of Leo, the son you share with Jungkook. Things are pretty rocky right now, and for sure, they are going to be for a little while. Your emotions are all over the place, and you’re convinced they will be for a time since now, you’re not going to sleep much.

But right now, all you want to focus on is your son.

The next day, both you and Jungkook agreed on only having your parents visit you. If each of you starts inviting people, at the end of the day, a lot of people will come, and it will be too much for you and Leo. It was absolutely adorable to see them interact with the baby. For your parents, it is their first grandchild but it isn’t the case for his parents. However, it doesn’t change the fact that they were mesmerized by him.

Your parents shed a little tear when you explained the meaning of his name. When your parents were in the room, it felt like your sister was also present. Honestly, it was a magical moment. A moment you’ll forever cherish in your heart, especially when they hold him in their arms. Your father even cried when he had Leo in his arms. At that precise moment, it didn’t matter that they never really liked Jungkook, it didn’t matter that he hurt you. Nothing really mattered, except sharing a family moment.

Having Jungkook’s parents was also very special. You hadn’t seen them in a while so it was good to see them. They were extremely happy to have another grandchild, they also liked the name. they said it was original just like Arya. Honestly, they were as surprised as your parents that you had a child together. None of them knew that you had seen each other but they didn’t raise out loud any question since this birth was unexpected.

When you’re alone at night in the room, you stare at Jungkook rocking Leo in his arms. Minutes ago you were breastfeeding him, it was a battle but slowly you were getting there, but it was a special and bonding moment between you. Now, Jungkook is trying to find a bonding moment with his son. Both of you are trying to create a connection with your son and learn how to love him.

Nevertheless, as you’re looking at them, it hits you in the face that Jungkook is now part of your family.

For the first time in four months, you’re out without Leo. Your mother and Lux took you out of the house so you could breathe a little bit. Everything has been a complete mess since Leo's birth, and honestly, you haven’t been feeling very great. From your perspective, you’re a terrible mother because it feels like you don’t love him at all. Yes, you felt some kind of love when he was born but since then, it feels like nothing has changed. For sure, the sleepless nights haven’t been helpful.

Most of the time, you feel completely lost. You don’t know exactly what you need to do, but the only thing that calms him down is when you hold him or when you’re breastfeeding him. But outside that, you don’t really know what to do. Everything is simply overwhelming. Being a mother is overwhelming.

“How are you feeling?” Lux rises after the waiter brings the coffees.

Your mother has come quite often to help you with Leo. She’s been your savior. Well, Jungkook has also been your savior. The fact that he already has a daughter is actually useful. He’s been by your side in every way. He’s very supportive and he always finds the words to reassure you when you’re crying in the middle of the night because you can’t put Leo to sleep. Frankly, without him, you don’t know how you could have survived those past four months.

“Extremely tired,” you answer. “Physically and mentally.”

They both know how hard it has been for you, and they can’t imagine how it must feel to become a mother overnight. On top of that, the father is your ex. It mustn’t be pleasant to constantly be around your ex, and let alone one that has broken your heart not long ago.

“But having Yeonjun helps me to kind of relax in the middle of this chaos,” you add with a little smile growing on your face.

Yeonjun has been your rock since the birth of Leo, he has helped you a lot. For sure, Jungkook has been your savior but Yeonjun is your rock. Without them and your mother, you would have completely fallen apart. He often comes to visit and he calls you everyday. He always makes sure that you eat every day and he’s also present to remind you when you need to take a shower.

However, what surprises you is how both he and Jungkook have managed to coexist together very peacefully. You’ve been living at Jungkook’s place since your son’s birth and the reason behind it is to make things easier. You are together through every step, you change diapers, you feed him, you reassure him when he cries, and you take turns when he wakes you up at night. You’ve been in this together and that’s your strength.

Yeonjun has been coming to your ex’s place. Jungkook has welcomed him with open arms and Yeonjun has felt comfortable being at his place. Your ex was the one encouraging you to give him a chance, to see where things could go but for now, it’s best to not start a relationship. Everything is pure chaos and you’re scared to hurt him unwillingly, simply because you’re going through a lot right now.

Jungkook has seen the way he helped you since the moment you were crying in the hospital bedroom and the way he has been there for you when he got all the reasons to leave you. He knows Yeonjun is the right one for you.

“That’s sweet that he’s been around,” your mother says. “I noticed how it has been helping you to stay sane.”

That is true. He’s been respecting your space which is more than appreciated while you try to figure out how to balance everything. As soon as things calm down a bit, you’ll go back to your apartment. You can’t stay forever at your ex’s place, especially since it’s hard to always be around him. The heartbreak is still very much here, and sometimes you feel like it’s amplified by the lack of sleep. But right now it seems like the easiest solution to navigate those first months.

“Yep,” you answer. “But it’s also not always easy to constantly be around Jungkook,” you add. “I know that we agreed that it was the best solution to live together for the first months of Leo’s life but it doesn’t change the fact that he hurt me.”

Maybe overtime, it won’t hurt anymore, at least that’s what you think. It’s already been more than a year and it hurts less than it did months ago. Certainly, having Yeonjun now helps a lot to ease the pain. He’s been treating you like a real princess and you feel extremely loved by him. You actually can’t wait to see how things will evolve with him, especially once you go back to your apartment.

“It doesn’t hurt as it did months ago but sometimes, all this chaos amplifies the pain. In those moments, I try to avoid him as much as I can,” you explain.

Well, sometimes, it’s complicated to avoid him, and most of the time, you completely explode. You throw all your anger at his face before totally bursting into tears, and since there’s nobody else in those moments, he’s the only one holding you in his arms to console you. Jungkook can imagine how it can be difficult for you but all he can do is be present for you when you need it.

“Honestly, I don’t know how you do,” Lux tells you. “If I were in your shoes, I would have already punched him in the face. I already wanted to do it with Henry when our son was born so I can’t imagine how it must be in your situation.”

Nobody around you can understand it. They can try but that’s it. Jungkook is the only one who can understand you. He also became a father overnight, he also had to figure out how to love his son, and he also had to figure out how to balance this new life. The only thing he can’t understand is how to live with an ex that broke your heart.

“It’s for Leo’s best interest,” you say. “And for mine as well,” you admit out loud. “It would be too hard if half of the time I was alone in my apartment.”

The two options you considered were living together for a couple of months or sharing custody right from the start. However, you knew that sharing custody would be way too difficult for you. You won’t regret the decision you made because even with Jungkook by your side, it’s still not easy. Your heart breaks whenever you hear Leo cry.

“But as soon as we find a balance, I’ll move back to my apartment. We agreed we’d stay at his place for at least the first 6 months of Leo’s life and that we’d assess the situation every month. But it’s quite obvious that it’s not the moment yet.”

They both nod. If right now this dynamic is what helps you, then you should keep doing it for as long as needed. Being with them out of the house feels good, it simply feels good to see other faces. You simply enjoy this moment with them. For the next 2 hours, you stay with them and talk about everything and anything.

Afterwards, you go back to Jungkook’s place. Since Arya is with her mother today, he was all alone with Leo. When you arrive, he’s half asleep with his son sleeping on his chest. There’s white noise playing in the background. It’s probably one of the YouTube videos he found to put Leo asleep. Your eyes quickly check out his torso which is on full display. He’s still extremely hot, and sometimes, you catch yourself wanting to have sex with him. You know it’s all due to your hormones being all over the place. But to be honest, being a father makes him look extra sexy.

“Hi, yn,” he whispers.

You get close to take a look at your son, he’s peacefully sleeping on his father’s chest which makes him look extremely adorable. Leo has been growing a lot for the past four months and getting chubbier day after day but it’s normal. The nurse told you that he has a normal weight and height for a four-month-old. Your son is absolutely so cute, he looks like a perfect mix between you and Jungkook.

“Hard to put him to sleep?” you ask with a little smile.

“Yep,” he replies. “Even doing the skin-to-skin thing wasn’t helping, but thankfully, white noises always work,” he says while trying not to speak too loudly.

“Maybe it’s best to try to put him in his crib?” you ask.

“Maybe not now,” he answers.

Jungkook feels a certain guilt by contradicting you, especially since he notices that you didn’t like his answer. But before he can even add something, you nod and leave the room to go to the bathroom to take a quick shower. However, before doing so, you sit down on the floor to pump your milk. Your breasts are heavy and full of milk. If you don’t empty them, even a tiny bit, they’ll explode. At least that’s what it feels like. You place the pumps on each of your breasts and close your eyes.

Seeing Jungkook’s body always wakes a fire inside you, and you need to calm it down. You always feel some culpability, especially since you’re falling in love with Yeonjun. There’s no doubt that you’re going to end up with him but Jungkook is always in a corner of your mind. He’s always there, and you’re afraid to hurt Yeonjun.

There’s a knock on the door, followed by Jungkook calling your name. You instantly open your eyes before readjusting yourself on the bathroom floor.

“Yes,” you answer.

“I’m sorry for contradicting you,” he mumbles.

“It’s okay Jungkook, you don’t have to be sorry every time we contradict each other,” you add.

Today, his disagreement had a bittersweet taste. You don’t exactly know why but it hurt you a bit when he didn’t agree with you. It’s silly but it doesn’t change the way you feel.

“I saw your face, yn,” he adds. “And I know that face very well, you didn’t like my answer.”

You close your eyes for a brief moment, taking a deep breath. You’re trying to calm yourself down.

“Leave me alone,” you say while opening your eyes again.

Now, Jungkook is the one taking a deep breath.It’s not always easy for you both to raise the little man, and right now is one of those moments. He’s scared to hurt you again in those moments, and you clearly don’t deserve it. You’re discovering maternity under those exceptional circumstances and hurting you even more will only make things worse.

“Leo is now sleeping in his little crib,” he tells you. “You were right, he’s better there.”

Lately, your ex has been trying to be gentle with you. No matter how you’re feeling, he’ll let you take it out on him. The situation you’re both in is tricky but he wants you to know that he’s there for you. That you’re not alone.

“Okay, just let me take a shower,” you reply.

“Okay but if you need anything, let me know.”

Jungkook leaves you alone, and you enjoy that moment to calm down. For sure, you need it because you don’t want to explode for something as little as this. Afterwards, you leave the bathroom with your pump, and the little bottles with your milk. The first thing you do is go to the kitchen to put the milk in a small bag and indicate the day and the hour of the milk withdrawal. You place it in the freezer and then, you quickly go to your room.

Leo is sleeping in his crib, he seems so serene. Your ex placed a little blanket on him, and you caressed the right chubby cheek of your son. You’re proud of yourself to have survived so far and to have kept him alive this far. He’s so big now compared to when he was born, which is normal but it always impresses you how much he has grown in such a short amount of time.

After checking on your son, you join his father in the living room. You sit next to him on the couch, he’s wearing a shirt now and you’re thankful for that.

“I’m also sorry for my reaction,” you tell him. “Leo was finally sleeping on you after you struggled so it was normal you didn’t want to move.”

Since Leo’s birth, you and Jungkook have been communicating a lot. It’s a good thing because it has been helping you tremendously to navigate this all.

“Don’t worry,” he answers, “I guess we’re both to blame here.”

“And please try to wear shirts when I’m around,” you add.

A smile appears on his face. He noticed the way you were hungrily looking at him, he’s also been doing it from time to time. He still finds you extremely attractive, and seeing you with your son makes you even more attractive. He wishes that things were different, he wishes to have never broken your heart because he’s convinced things would have been easier.

“Well, the skin-to-skin contact is important,” he replies. You roll your eyes, he’s such a tease. “But don’t worry, I’ll try to wear a shirt next time,” he winks at you.

There’s no doubt something is happening between you. The little spark is coming back and you’re simply letting it consume you both. None of you is trying to push the other off. It almost feels like nothing has ever happened.

“But if I do so, you’ll have to cover your chest every time you breastfeed,” he adds.

Right there and then, you understand what is going on and maybe because of the hormones being all over the place, you don’t feel like stopping him. He’s making you feel desired, and damn, right now, you desire him more than ever.

“And if I don’t want to?” you teasingly ask.

A smirk appears on his face. He gets closer to you, your eyes closing when you sense his warm breath against your skin. It instantly sends shivers down your spine.

“Then, I might do unholy things,” he whispers in your ear before biting your earlobe. “Unholy things that our son can’t see,” he adds.

His lips press a gentle kiss on your neck, right under your ear. Your arms wrap him, bringing his body closer to yours. His lips leave a trail of kisses from your neck to the corner of your lips. Your heartbeat increases while you breathe faster. His eyes meet yours. They are filled with lust, something you haven’t seen in a long time. Honestly, that simple gaze gets you wetter.

Now, you desperately crave him.

His lusty eyes understand it and in a blink of an eye, he presses his hungry lips against yours. Even though you’re both fully driven by desire, this kiss is soft and tender. It’s not bestial at all like it could have been. In fact, you’re actually convinced that if you rush it, it will destroy the magic behind this exact moment. His strong arms wrap tighter around you almost as if he’s scared to let you go.

His lips are so soft on yours, the tenderness of the kiss making your heart melt completely. You honestly missed being kissed by him because nobody compares to him. Your heart is pounding extremely hard in your chest while the butterflies in your lower stomach are making you feel completely alive. Your hands cup his face while you kiss him passionately.

If someone told you a year ago that you’d be sitting on his couch while kissing him intensely, you would have laughed so loud. And probably, you’d start crying in your bed because it would cause a lot of pain to picture kissing him again. And if anyone told you that you’d have a baby with him, you’d die instantly.

Slowly, Jungkook pushes you to lay on the couch. In a matter of seconds, your shirt is pulled out and his greedy lips find their way to your nipples. They pleasantly torture you, and you don’t hold back your moans. At this moment, you completely forget that you have a son sleeping not too far from you.

Your back arches, bringing your body closer to his mouth. Your baby daddy doesn’t spare you at all, he tortures you in a way that only he can do. Your hands are running through his hair, almost as if you’re trying to hold onto something. Now that you’ve become a mother, your breasts are super sensitive so this torture is driven crazier than it used to.

On top of that, it’s the first time you’ve been intimate with someone since your son’s birth. It’s also the first time another man other than your son is touching your breasts. This moment is making you feel like a woman again, something you had completely lost when you became a mother. For the past months, you’ve been first and foremost a mother, a desperate one but the woman part has been put aside. However, Jungkook is bringing back that side of you, and it makes you feel alive.

Slowly the nipple sucking turns into you getting naked. It turns into him thrusting into you like there’s no tomorrow. For hours, you make love, completely forgetting everything. You’re in your own bubble. A bubble you should probably never have created but this feels exquisitely good. Having Jungkook in between your legs burying his cock deep inside you is like being in heaven.

Your body has completely changed since Leo’s birth, and having sex with Jungkook helps you to explore what this new body sexually adores. But nothing compares to the feeling of his hand touching every part of you that has changed, and his lips too. However, what warms your heart is the way his eyes stare at your body. They glow so much, and it makes you feel desirable again.

For sure, the way you see your body shouldn’t be defined by the way a man looks at you, but it helps to embrace this new body even more. Yes, you’re thankful this body provided everything Leo needed, especially since you didn’t know he was there. Yes, you’re thankful you delivered him safely. Yes, you’re thankful it gives Leo everything he needs in his first months of life. But your body changed and it’s a body you have to discover all over again.

Your body isn’t just your home anymore, it’s Leo’s too.

Everything is different and everything feels different. This new body is more sensitive so having sex is a hundred times better than before. Sex feels even more intense. And god, let’s not start talking about doggy style. Orgasms are coming one after the other. Everything is overwhelming but in a good way.

Jungkook, on his side, finds you even prettier than before. Surely, it has to do with the fact that your body carried Leo for nine months and is now providing him with all that he needs. Having sex with you also feels more overwhelming for him. He’s been desperately holding back his orgasms to not come like an idiot after 3 seconds.

After having all that sex, you simply lay on the couch next to each other, heavily breathing. You’re simply staring at the ceiling in silence for a moment. Then, Jungkook grabs the baby monitor to take a look at your son.

“Even with all the noise we made, this kid slept,” he says with a heavy breath.

Your eyes glaze at the baby monitor, and a little smile appears on your face. Your baby daddy puts it back on the coffee table before grabbing a blanket to place it on both of your bodies. You offer him a little smile and you rest your head on his shoulder. This intense activity tired you out a lot. It’s best to try to sleep a bit before Leo wakes up.

Jungkook is standing at the entrance of the private school that Arya is attending. As surprising as it sounds, he took a paternity leave combined with the annual leaves he’s entitled to take, even if he’s the CEO of Jeon Industries. Being present as a father in his child’s first months of life always mattered more than anything else in the world. Those leaves surprised the entire world but the company can survive without him for a little while. He hired the best people so he trusts them.

Once all those leaves are over, he’ll run the company from home. Going back to work with a baby who cries a thousand times at night is quite hard, and he already looks like a zombie. Since he’ll work from home, he’ll choose when to work and when not. At the end of the day, he’s the big boss so he can do whatever suits him. But right now, his priorities are his children and you.

“Daddy,” Arya says while running in his direction.

A bright smile appears on his face. Lately, he’s been trying to adjust to this whole new dynamic. It’s hard trying to spend as much time as possible with Arya when Leo captures all the attention. At first, she was a bit jealous of her brother but slowly, she’s been accepting that she has one now. She’s been trying to help, she gives you the diaper when you’re changing Leo, and she speaks to him when he’s crying. She’s doing what she can and it’s adorable.

Jungkook places himself at her level to catch her. The days he has her are the days he’s the happiest because he’s surrounded by the people he loves the most. Even if he’s extremely tired, he’s extremely happy. Having a surprise child is absolutely not easy but slowly it’s getting easier.

“Princess,” he says when he catches her.

Nothing can compare to feeling his kids in his arms. Leo is still very small but when he holds him, he simply feels at peace, the same way it feels to hold Arya. But then, there’s you. Having you in his arms feels like being home. His heart is reassured whenever he holds you tight, and he always tries to provide you with the same feeling when you’re crying. In the past six months, he has seen you cry a thousand times and each time has been heartbreaking. Most of the time, he also ends up crying because you’re both completely overwhelmed by the situation. When it happens, you’re also the one holding him tightly.

Leo has brought you closer than ever.

However, it’s in a totally different way. You’ve become super close friends, and it kind of makes this situation easier to deal with. For sure, there’s a lot of pain from the past and it’s hard but you’re closer. What definitely changed your relationship is the sex. Since you had sex for the first time after your son’s birth, something deeply changed. After that time, you only made love one other time but you’ve been pretending like nothing ever happened. Because you both know that it’s mostly a physical need.

Jungkook would be lying if he said that he doesn’t think about it quite often. When he lays his eyes on you, he’s brought back to those two incredible moments, and he wishes he could repeat them. But there’s a limit, especially since you’ve been trying to figure your life out. He noticed how things changed between you and Yeonjun. He’s fully aware that it is because you slept together and you don’t know what to do anymore. However, he's 100% sure that it’s not even in your mind to get back with him.

“How’s your day going?” he asks his daughter.

The little girl starts ranting about her day at school while he holds her hand and walks with her to the car. Eunji left Arya’s belongings at his place earlier today. She’s been quite helpful since your son’s arrival, and it’s been more than appreciated. Any help received right now is more than welcome. Eunji understands that this is a very complicated situation and she’s been trying to adjust as well. Most of the time, Arya only spends the day here and sleeps at her mother’s so she isn’t woken up at night by Leo. This was an agreement the three of you made. Of course, there are days where she spends the night here but it doesn’t happen quite often. However, tonight, she’s going to sleep at her father’s place, and she’s very excited. The reason you all agreed is because it’s friday and tomorrow she doesn’t need to go to school.

Jungkook helps her to get inside the car, and as every day, she requests to listen to Part of Your World from the Little Mermaid, her favorite Disney movie. By now, you all know this song since you play it all the time. Her father doesn’t understand how she isn’t tired yet to listen to it on repeat. No doubt that he is tired of it! As they arrive home, Arya rushes to the living room to see her little brother. Luckily for her, you’re there, sitting on the couch and breastfeeding Leo.

A bright smile appears on your face when you see her. She quickly caresses her brother’s hair before pressing a gentle kiss on his head.

“Hi, baby brother,” she whispers. Her little eyes look up at you and a big smile appears on her face. “Hi, yn.”

“Hi, little monster,” you answer. “I’ll give you a kiss once Leo’s done eating.”

She nods and sits next to you. Your eyes move to Jungkook who’s putting down his daughter’s backpack. His eyes meet yours for a brief moment before quickly looking down at your breast. When you notice it, a little laugh leaves your lips while you shake your head. It’s funny the way he’s always mesmerized by your breasts. If there weren’t the kids, he would have probably said or done something.

After Leo’s eaten enough, you made sure he burped. Then, Arya asked if she could hold him, and of course, you helped her hold her little brother. She’s always adorable and it warms everybody’s heart that she takes her big sis role very seriously. You’re thankful your son has Arya as a sister. She definitely has the biggest and most wonderful heart in the world.

For dinner, you and Jungkook prepared lasagna much to Arya's delight. She mentioned a lot of times that it was absolutely good and she also spoke a lot about her friends because one of them is throwing a little party for their birthday. She sounded extremely excited which was cute.

Once both Arya and Leo are sleeping, there’s just you and Jungkook in the kitchen. He’s drinking wine while you’re drinking a beer without alcohol.

“We have to talk about what we’ve been doing,” you tell him.

For the past few days, it has been on your mind to talk with him about the two-night stands you had. If it happened, it’s for a reason and you also need to discuss it with him because you’re a bit lost. You’re falling in love with Yeonjun but there’s Jungkook and you’ve been sleeping together. It kind of makes you feel guilty although you’re not in a relationship with him.

Jungkook nods and takes a sip of wine.

“I know I wanted it and I don’t regret it at all but there’s Yeonjun,” you start saying but before you can add anything, Jungkook interrupts you.

“Listen, I’ve seen how confused you have been those past few days and I know it’s because of what we’ve been doing. What is going on is complicated, we suddenly had a son and we suddenly started living together. We share a history so for sure we’ll forever be attracted to each other in a way,” he says. “But don’t start pushing Yeonjun away because of me. He’s the right one for you.”

It hurts to say those words out loud but truth being told, it’s better you try something with Yeonjun than him. He’s scared to hurt you once again and he’d die if he ever does it again. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself because you’re the best thing that has ever happened to him. Being friends is the best solution for you.

“He’s been treating you better than I ever did so you should give him a chance. We’ve been pretending that nothing happened and it’s best we keep doing it. Don’t torture yourself any longer and just try. I’m sure you’ll be super happy and that’s the thing you deserve the most. I never was the right one for you but he has been the second he came into your life,” he finishes.

A tear runs down your face. This Jungkook in front of you is such a more mature version of him than the one that broke your heart over a year ago. This man is the one you have always wanted to see but now it’s too late. Your heart beats for Yeonjun. You were scared that having sex with your ex meant that you were falling for him all over again. However, now that he is saying those words, it makes it clear that it is just an illusion. You’re still falling in love with Yeonjun but you simply had a moment of weakness due to the complicated situation that you are in.

“And please don’t feel guilty, you didn’t cheat on him or anything. But I hope that all of this will help you to see things clearly,” he adds.

You stand up and hug your baby daddy. In the end, the birth of Leo helped him to get more mature, that’s what you think. But the truth is that you’re the reason behind his growth. Jungkook needed to be present for you, he needed to be your shoulder to rest on while you were trying to figure out how to become a mother. You simply needed him, and he had to grow to be what you needed the most. Jungkook had lost you and all he could do was to make sure you’d be happy. Even if that meant without him.

8 years later

Today is Leo’s 8th birthday.

A bright smile appears on your face when your eyes land on him. He’s running all over Jungkook’s living room with his friends. He’s such a big boy and you’re proud of the little man he has become.

“Mommy,” as those words are pronounced, you feel a little hand pushing your dress. You look down to see your second born, Levi.

“Yes, sweetie?” you ask before grabbing him to hold him in your arms.

Levi is the son you had with Yeonjun. He’s 4 years old and is a miniature of his father while Leo is more of a mix of you and Jungkook. So most of the time, people don’t believe them when they say they are brothers. However, that isn’t the case when it comes to Arya and Leo as they both resemble their father in a certain way.

“Can I have cake?” he asks.

“Not yet,” you answer. “You’ll have a piece after singing happy birthday to Leo, okay?” you tell him.

The little boy nods before asking you to let him go. Hyejoo, the mother of Taehoon, one of Leo’s friends, joins you. She has become a very good friend of yours and she has been very present in your life for the past year. It’s been almost a year since you and Yeonjun broke up, and let’s say that it hasn’t been easy at all. For a bit over a year, the relationship has started to deteriorate. At first, it was a bit due to the monotony but you both tried to find a solution. It worked but only for a short time.

Yeonjun lost his job, he started drinking instead of finding a new job. Your income was then the only one coming in. Obviously, it became hard to live with only one income and a drunk boyfriend. You tried to make him realize that he needed to move his ass but it only made everything worse. Trying to reason with an alcoholic is like talking to a wall. He got defensive and you were constantly fighting. In the midst of all that, you were trying to protect the kids but they could sense and see that everything was different.

One day, you vent to Jungkook with whom you became good friends. Since he’s literally one of the wealthiest men in the country, he offered to help you. You couldn’t refuse since you had to feed two little monsters but that made things even worse. Yeonjun suddenly became jealous of Jungkook. That was the last straw.

He never had any reason to be jealous of Jungkook. It was your ex, the romantic love between you was long gone and he is now a friend. But above anything else, he is Leo’s father. You never wanted any stupid tension between them since there are kids involved. The three of you always made everything work out for the kids and a simple job loss threw that all away.

Today things are still complicated with Yeonjun but the break-up was his wake-up call. From there, he started getting his shit together. Temporarily you agreed to let him live with you but he had to quickly find a solution which he did. All along, Jungkook was there as he’s been doing for the past 8 years. He has been your shoulder to lay on when you need it the most.

“How are you?” She asks.

“I’m fine,” you tell her. “Seeing my boys excited about this birthday party truly makes me happy.”

Seeing them happy is all that you need to be happy. Nothing else matters.

“But you know, this date always has a bittersweet taste,” you confess. “It was one of the hardest days of my life.”

Even though you love Leo with all your heart, it doesn’t change the fact that his birth was one of the most arduous days of your life. It will forever be like that, and every birthday will be a reminder of that day. A day you endured physical and emotional pain and a day you didn’t want him to come. When you look at him, being so happy to celebrate his birthday with his friends, it crushes your heart that you didn’t want him at first. But that’s the truth.

“Well, it’s more than understandable,” she says.

Your eyes move to Jungkook, who is speaking with some friends. He has changed a lot over the past 8 years. He has grown into a very mature man and it amazes you to think how different he is now. Nine years ago, he broke your heart. Now he’s the one amending it. He did a lot of work on himself, he faced all his demons and fought them. And he did it for himself, he didn’t use the stupid reason of ‘it’s for my kids’. He finally understood that he needed to take care of himself first.

In the midst of all that internal work, he found a girlfriend, Jihyo with whom he’s still with today. She’s a sweetheart and you love her. She’s definitely the one he needs. You’re so happy that he found her, he deserves his happy ending. A couple of weeks ago, she told you that she’s convinced that he’ll propose to her any time soon. Even though he’s your ex, you’d be glad to assist at his wedding. Jihyo and Jungkook have been together for 5 years which is a record for him.

“I know but it’s complicated to remember that day,” you add. “But seeing him this joyful today eases all the pain that was brought on that day.”

Jungkook joins the two of you, he greets you with a bright smile and the three of you talk about the kids. Hyejoo has 4 kids, the oldest is 10 years and she’s complaining that he’s started to not listen to her. She’s getting worried about how it will be during his teenage years and also soon after Taehoon will become a teenager.

Leo’s father explains to her how he has been dealing with Arya who’s almost 15 years old. It’s sometimes quite difficult, you’ve seen it with your own eyes but she’s still that adorable little girl that she was when she was younger. She’s just growing up, experiencing love, having her hormones all over the place, and having her first periods too. Compared to Jungkook at that age, she’s a saint. Plus, she adores taking care of Leo. She likes picking him up at school, preparing a little snack when they’re home, helping him to do his homework, and watching series and movies together. She also sometimes takes care of Levi whom she considers too as a younger brother.

At some point, Hyejoo leaves you and Jungkook alone. Both of you are still keeping an eye on the children running around everywhere.

“Jihyo isn’t coming today?” you ask.

Jungkook’s smile completely disappears and you instantly understand that something happened. You wouldn’t go so far as to say they broke up but by his face, it definitely looks like it.

“No,” he replies. “Not today nor any other day,” he adds.

It breaks your heart to hear that they aren’t together anymore. They were just right for each other but if it’s over, then there must be a good reason.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you gently ask.

“Not now,” he says while shaking his head. “Let’s enjoy this little party and we'll maybe talk about it afterward. This day is already tough for us two and I prefer we celebrate our son.”

You nod, understanding that he doesn’t want to talk about it now. A breakup is never easy, you’ve experienced some and it was always hard. The last one being quite rough, especially since Levi was involved. You wished things were different but it is what it is. At the end of the day, what truly matters is that you and your children are happy and living in a healthy environment.

The rest of the afternoon goes well, Leo being super happy to celebrate his birthday with all his friends and family. Yours and Jungkook’s parents are also present, they wouldn’t miss their grandson’s birthday. They spoil him quite a lot but it’s normal, that’s what grandparents are supposed to do. This afternoon is a success and it warms your heart.

Exceptionally, Leo and Levi are sleeping at Jungkook’s place and right after the party, they crash down in Leo’s bedroom. Of course, Leo’s father hired a cleaning company to clean his place. That’s the perk of being wealthy.

Once everybody is sleeping, you and Jungkook sit on the couch with a glass of wine. This has become a tradition for the past eight years. It always feels good and you also place a picture you took of the three of you in a photo album. With it, you can see how much your little man has changed over the years.

“He has grown so much,” Jungkook says as you watch all the pictures.

“Indeed, and he’s such a gentle and sweet boy,” you add.

Jungkook quickly looks at you and takes a sip of wine. Things have changed a lot for the past 8 years but he’s delighted with how things have turned. Well, he’s just sad that in the end, neither your relationship with Yeonjun nor his with Jihyo worked out. He still remembers vividly how happy he was when you were both in healthy relationships after all the chaos that yours was. But it looks like you'll have to start all over again from scratch.

“We did a very good job despite how everything started,” he says.

“I still remember the day he was born like it was yesterday,” you reveal.

It’s also the case for him. It was very complicated to become parents under those circumstances but he’s so proud of all the work you did. Once you live separately, you try even harder to make everything work out for Leo. That meant having difficult conversations and a lot of disagreements but in the end, it was worth it.

“And it broke my heart seeing you in so much pain,” he confesses. “It wasn’t just physical, it was emotional as well and the only other time I had seen you like that was when your sister passed away. Right there, I knew that you needed me more than ever and that I couldn’t mess up again.”

It’s the first time Jungkook is telling you that. You weren’t aware he felt like that but he was there for you, he was your savior. There’s no doubt that without him you wouldn’t have survived the first year. It was intense on a lot of levels but you learned a lot from that period of your life.

“You never told me that,” you tell him.

“I never saw the point of saying it,” he says with a little laugh. “For me, it was obvious. I already had a daughter, I kind of knew what to do. It was a shock for me and it took me some time to adjust to that new reality but you were completely overwhelmed by the entire situation. It was normal to be your shoulder to rely on,” he takes another sip of wine.

“Without you, I wouldn’t be here today,” you admit.

It warms his heart to hear those words. Of course, he already knew that because he saw how much you blossomed afterwards but it’s always nice to hear it from you.

“Well, I gave up on you a bit after your sister passed away. You pushed me back but I should maybe have stayed instead of leaving. But when you were giving birth to Leo, he was also my son, and abandoning you would have been very cowardly. I also made sure I would forever be there even if you pushed me back,” he professes.

“I’m very thankful you were there even when I was exploding,” you rest your head on his shoulder.

This year, the conversion is quite deep. Usually, you simply talk about the funny events of the year and laugh a lot with a glass of wine. No boyfriends and girlfriends are allowed, it has always been a moment between you and Jungkook. Those moments have contributed a lot to reinforce your friendship.

For a moment, you stay like that in silence. This year is different. Neither of you has a reason to end this moment. You don’t have Yeonjun waiting for you at home, and Jihyo isn’t waiting for Jungkook upstairs. This year there’s just the two of you. And it feels nice because you can truly savor this moment.

“I don’t know if I ever told you that I wanted to have a child with Jihyo,” he starts saying. You shake your head. “We were very good together and I wanted to build a family with her but it all fell down. That’s what really hurts me today,” it breaks your heart to hear that. “She was expecting a proposal but I never did it, and to be honest, I don’t even know why. I loved her and wanted it all with her but I was unable to get married to her. We had a fight a month ago and she brought up that she’s kind of waiting for a proposal that never comes. I confessed to her that I can’t for unknown reasons and she got even angrier because she knew why.”

You frown and stand up straight to glance at him. You’re a bit confused about how Jihyo would know why he wasn’t able to see himself getting married to her.

“It was because of you,” he says with a little voice, his eyes staring deeply at you. “She told me that since the beginning of our relationship, she knew that I was still in love with you in a certain way. It was obvious for her but with time, she saw me falling in love with her so she believed things changed. However, she realized she was wrong when the proposal was never coming. She realized right there that I’d never marry her because subconsciously, I was still waiting for you.”

Your heart is beating like crazy in your chest, and you feel your cheeks getting on fire. In his jealous phase, Yeonjun told you more or less the same thing but you thought that he was so wrong. Although, a tiny part of yourself was convinced that he was right. You thought that he was overreacting because Jungkook is Leo’s father and you would never accept Yeonjun attacking him. A good relationship between the three of you was deeply important for you because of Leo and Levi. However, maybe you were wrong. Truth being told, you broke up with him because you were still in love with Jungkook.

“And now that you were single, there was absolutely no point in me being with someone else,” he adds.

Jungkook gets a little closer to you and places his hand on your tight.

“She broke up with me and it hurt a lot, especially since I was convinced that it was ridiculous but she didn’t change her mind at all,” he continues. “I really thought she was delirious but then, I started to deeply think about it. I analyzed how I was acting around you, and how I was feeling when you were there. I was quick to realize that she was right, I was subconsciously longing for you.”

His fingers caress your tight. Your entire body is reacting to his words, this is a heartfelt love confession, and damn, it warms your heart in a way that you can’t even express.

“I’ve been waiting for you for eight years, yn,” he confesses out loud. “And I think I might wait for you my entire life because, since the beginning, it was you. It has always been you and nobody else. I just was an idiot to have let you go twice but maybe, it wasn’t the right time for us. I know now that if you ever give me another chance, it would be the perfect time.”

You place your hand on top of his, your eyes quickly glance at them before you look up at him. Jungkook is glowing right now in a way that you’ve never seen before. You fell for this man 20 years ago and since then, you never fell out of love for him. Since the beginning, he was the one holding your heart. As he said, maybe it was never the right time and you both needed to grow up before the perfect time would come.

You know now that today is the perfect time.

The past 8 years, you built a solid friendship, you faced the hardest obstacles together and you both worked a lot on yourselves. Today, you’re both different people, and these versions of yourselves can finally fully love each other.

“I feel deep inside of me that now is the perfect time,” you admit.

And without any hesitation, Jungkook kisses you passionately. This kiss feels completely different, it feels like you’re kissing for the first time ever. Maybe it’s because you’re different now and you need to discover each other all over again. The kiss is gentle, not rushed and you can taste the wine on his lips. Being kissed by Jungkook brings you to heaven, and you always loved being kissed by him. Slowly, you fall on your back on the couch, your hands running through his hair while you never stop kissing.

For a moment, he breaks the kiss to look at you and rub his nose against yours. Soon enough, he presses his lips against yours for a languorous and fervent kiss. This could go a lot further but you both know that if you want to make it work this time, it’s not a good idea to have sex now. Sex is never the solution. So, Jungkook ends up laying next to you on the couch, a bright smile displayed on his face.

“We always finish doing something on this couch,” he playfully says. “There must be something on this couch.”

You turn your head to look at him.

“Maybe someone put a spell on it,” you answer.

“Well, you put a spell on me, that’s for sure!” He tells you before kissing you once more.

He’ll never grow tired of kissing you. Your lips are his favorite thing in the entire world, he could spend hours kissing you.

The past few weeks, you’ve been flirting with Jungkook and going on several dates. It feels like things are falling into place, you’ve been talking a lot, enjoying each other's presence and simply being in love. You’ve never been this happy in your entire life, you adore being around him. This time around feels super easy. Of course, you haven’t said anything to your children because you don’t want to give them false hopes although Arya has been suspicious of what’s going on. She already noticed something had been happening when you were leaving Leo at his place one day and she raised the question. However, you denied it.

Also for the past weeks, you haven’t had sex at all. To be honest, it surprises you a lot because you’re both very attracted to the other but you’ve been putting that aside to build a healthy relationship. You both desire to make it work this time so there are a lot of efforts to be done on both sides. Maybe more on his side than yours but still, this is something you work on together. You’re two in a relationship and it takes two to make it work.

Today is Valentine’s Day and you’re going on a date together. Arya has nicely accepted to take care of her brother, and Levi is staying with his father. Jungkook is taking you out to a fancy restaurant, and you’re honestly super excited to spend this evening with him. You put on your prettier red dress and he’s wearing a very fancy black suit. He looks absolutely hot in that suit, you always loved watching him in a classy suit.

The restaurant is obviously full but people aren’t talking too loudly. There’s a band playing some romantic songs, and it definitely creates a lovey-dovey atmosphere. You’re absolutely delighted to be celebrating this Valentine’s Day with Jungkook.

“Before we take this relationship to the next step, I really want to apologize for how I acted the last time we were trying to be together,” Jungkook starts saying and you nod. “At that time, I had spent 10 years waiting for you to come back and I never truly thought about the eventuality of it really happening. So, when it happened, it was overwhelming because I simply didn’t know what to do. But it’s also because I had never done the proper work on myself before letting you back in my life.”

This conversation is one that you have been waiting for years. You never forced it because you always judged that it had to come from him and not from you. Forcing something will always have the opposite result but you’re glad that it’s happening now.

“Well, now looking back, I can confirm that it’s true,” you jokingly reply.

“Back then, it seemed a lot easier to push you back. Having you back was so overwhelming that I wasn’t even able to properly do my job. It was never your fault, it was mine. I was immature and a total jerk. I hid behind the excuse of wanting to put my daughter as a priority when I should have made you my priority. I hurt you a lot and I’m very aware of it so I made sure to never do it again.”

You grab his hand on the table to squish it. This man right here seems to always find a way to melt your heart.

“Your happiness is the only thing that always mattered to me, and I made it my priority. Even when we were friends, I did it. That’s also the reason why I convinced you to try with Yeonjun, I saw the way he was making you happy. Also back then, I would have never been able to give you that happiness otherwise I would have fought for you. And I also didn’t deserve you, I guess I never did,” he confesses.

The last sentence definitely breaks your heart. You want to contradict him but for sure, back then, he didn’t deserve your love because when you gave it to him, he just threw it away. But today, things are different. He has shown you in many ways that he has changed and that he deserves to be loved. That he deserves your love.

“Don’t say that, Jk,” you tell him with evident sadness in your voice.

“It’s the truth, yn,” he replies. “You’re such a strong and wonderful woman, you went through so much and you’re still standing tall with a big smile on your face. I never faced half of the things you did but still managed to act like a dick. I’m proud that you’re Leo’s mom so he can have you as an example and just be wonderful like you which he’s already proving to be,” a smile appears on his face while thinking about his son. “Even if I hurt you, I would do everything the same way because I got to be Arya’s and Leo’s father and I got to grow with you by my side.”

Jungkook changed a lot, that’s sure. You’re not sure he would have said that 8 years ago but things are different now. Leo really changed everything but in a good way. Without him, you’re not sure you’ll be sitting in this chair today. Maybe you’d still hate Jungkook but you’re sure of one thing. You would have found your way to him. You never truly believed in things such as destiny but with Jungkook, it’s different. You always knew that you were destined to be together.

Jungkook could be saying all those words in vain without meaning them but the way he’s been acting lately ⏤ and also since Leo’s birth ⏤ proves that everything he’s saying now is the truth. You believe him.

“If you were saying this right after you had hurt me, I would have never believed you,” you start saying. “But it comes years after and I got to witness your growth. However, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy. Like you said, you hurt me and ever since, I struggle a bit to trust you. I feel like at any moment you could do it all over again,” Jungkook nods. “We’ve been having a very good time and I really want to keep doing it because I always loved you as well.”

A smile appears on his face.

“I promise this time around you won’t regret it,” he whispers.

The rest of the time in the restaurant goes well. You laugh a lot, speak a lot, drink a lot, and eat a lot. This is a wonderful moment. One that you won’t easily forget. Afterward, you both decide to spend a little extra moment alone in your apartment. It won’t last long because you'd rather not leave Arya alone with Leo for too long. Well, honestly speaking, you simply want to have sex because the physical attraction together with alcohol isn’t quite a good combination. You just can’t resist the other like you’ve been doing for the past weeks.

As soon as you pass the entrance door, you jump on each other’s lips in a very fervent and needy kiss. Jungkook’s hands lift up your dress, definitely not wanting to waste any second. His fingers directly find their way to your panties, and the mere contact of his cold fingers with your warm pussy sends shivers through your entire body. When you sense him, you realize that you’ve been desperately craving this moment for a while already.

His fingers rub against your pussy, causing a trail of moans to leave your mouth. Your moans are a melody that he’s been longing for a while. Just the sound of it makes him grow harder in his pants. In the rush of desperately desiring to have sex and not leave the kids alone for a long time, you walk backward until reaching the dining table and you fall on it. You’re now laying on top of the table. Jungkook removes your panties and simply pushes down his pants and underwear. By reflex, you open your legs and Jungkook instantly places himself in between.

None of you speaks during this moment, there’s just the sound of your heavy breathing echoing in your apartment. He doesn't need much prompting to start thrusting into you. The two of you moan like crazy, you definitely don’t hold back since you’re alone. There’s absolutely no need to withhold.

Your baby daddy thrusts deep inside you and it causes the table beneath you to squeak. But to be honest, you couldn’t care less about that. You’re simply enjoying this extraordinary moment together, and it’s wonderful to feel him deep inside you. Everything feels wonderful with him. Quickly, an intense orgasm hits you, provoking your entire body to shake. The man you love senses it, a greedy smile appears on his face but he keeps going. When you have an orgasm, it simply brings him closer to the edge.

However, the orgasm + the pleasure clearly makes you orgasm even more. It’s orgasm over orgasm, you can’t stop yourself. You’re overwhelmed with pleasure and you don’t ever want to stop it. You just let it go. The feeling of it makes him desire to completely explode inside you but for sure, he needs to ask you first if you’re okay with it.

“Can I come inside you?” Jungkook asks.

You can barely say ‘yes’ but you still manage to say it. In the moment, you don’t care where he comes, it’s the least of your problems. And with your simple answer, Jungkook lets it go. His orgasm hit him violently, this little quickie was what he badly wanted.

For a brief moment, you stay like that. He goes to the kitchen to grab tissues for the two of you so you can clean yourselves from all the juices that come out from your bodies.

“That was intense,” you say while cleaning yourself.

“More than intense,” he replies, a little laugh escaping his lips.

“We should do that more often,” you suggest.

Jungkook shakes his head while still laughing. For sure, he won’t be the one complaining about having more often sex with you.

“Maybe I should head home so Arya doesn’t go too crazy with Leo,” Jungkook adds.

Obviously, you won’t go with him. Things need to be done slowly and even if Arya has some suspicions, it’s best she doesn’t know yet. This time around, there are three children involved and there is no space for acting like idiots. This brings a lot of happiness to you but they should know when you’re both confident that it will work.

“Yes, you should,” you reply with a little smile.

You stand up and rearrange your dress before walking in his direction to be closer to him. He’s zipping his pants and looks up when he notices your presence. His arms wrap around your waist, bringing you closer. He presses a gentle kiss on your forehead, your eyes automatically closing for a brief moment.

“This night was wonderful, yn,” he whispers. “I adored the moment spent at the restaurant, and I want nothing more than to repeat it.”

You press a soft kiss on his lips.

“There’s nothing more I’d love to do,” you answer.

A smile of true happiness appears on both of your faces. This night will for sure be a moment you’ll forever cherish. None of you will ever forget because this night is the night where things finally took the right turn. After this night, your relationship kept blossoming and turned into the most wonderful thing in the world. Of course, when you told the news to your children months later, they were extremely ecstatic. Seeing them that way made you realize that this was all you ever needed.

It took you 20 years to find the right time but eventually, you found it. You were the right person for each other but it was never the right time. Timing is such a complex concept, however, it was time that allowed you to grow and fall in love all over again. You were each other's right person but it was too soon. You needed to experience all the things you lived before being brought back again. Leo’s 8th anniversary was the moment you both realized that it was finally the perfect time for you. Since the beginning, it was simply a matter of timing.

#bts #bts imagine #bts imagines #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook imagine #bts angst #jungkook angst #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #bts smut #jungkook smut #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #perfect time #timing series #spideyjimin

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lobster-tales · 3 months

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Lux's Adventures in Underland

Rating: Mature Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 This work is available here on AO3

Chapter 5: The Queens' Ball

When they returned to the castle, Jinx dismounted first, reaching up to help Lux. She gripped Lux's waist, guiding her slowly down, her eyes flickering to Lux's skirts and her mouth twisting just slightly.

Feeling uncertain, Lux surveyed herself, only to find that her skirts were in disarray, still paint-stained and drying, and now reeking of Jabberwocky smoke. Jinx suggested they take a proper bath rather than simply splashing in a garden fountain.

The Queen's private bath was sunken, flush with the stone floor, and heart-shaped of course. Lix dipped in her toes to find the water hot but not scalding, and a delicious aroma of herbs filled the room along with clouds of steam.

Lux and Jinx undressed, facing away from each other. While she was accustomed to being naked around the housemaids, Lux had known them all since she was an infant: Jinx was still a stranger. But as Lux descended into the tub, her insecurity melted away with the stress. She rested her head and arms on the edge of the tub, humming in contentment.

Jinx entered after her. Lux couldn't help but marvel at the Queen's naked form. Beneath all that fabric, she was thin and spindly, like a spider. Her pale limbs were decorated: the blue cloud tattoos on her shoulder drifted down her ribs and torso, ending just above her hip.

She seemed so fragile, contrasting the wild activities of the day. Surely this tiny person wasn't the same one that had scaled closet walls, bolted through castle corridors, ridden the Jabberwocky.

Jinx caught Lux staring, her nose twisting in defense, but Lux heard herself say, "You're so lovely."

Neither of them expected the words, and after a tense silence, Jinx muttered, "You too."

After that, the silence wasn't so tense. In fact, they both enjoyed it, leaning their heads back, letting the water cleanse.

Two long bathrobes appeared for them: white for Lux, black for Jinx. Lux was rather hesitant to leave the heat of the bath, but found that the stone floor was warm to the touch.

Together, they returned to the tower closet. Once again, Jinx climbed the cabinets, rummaging through materials and calling down, asked if there was anything particular she would like to wear.

Lux considered: after a long day (days? a week?) of activities, she was rather in the mood to slow down. Jinx had told her before that she could have anything she wanted: what other fantasies could she procure? What other dreams did she want to come true?

She dug deep inside of herself, searching for the deepest and most shallow of her desires. Lux fought back a blush, squaring her shoulders as she asked, "Do you have anything... pretty?"

Clinging to the wall above, Jinx's pink eyes glittered. She hoisted herself higher, tugging at various skirts and dresses. "Pretty how?" she called down.

"Um..." Feeling rather silly, Lux offered, "Silk, perhaps?"

A few options floated down in front of her. Lux held a few up to herself in the heart-shaped mirror, considering each. "Oh," she gasped at one.

Jinx leapt from the cabinets, again landing on all fours like a cat in front of her. "You like that one?"

"It's gorgeous," Lux breathed, clinging the neckline to her chest as she twirled. "I bet it would be lovely to dance in." She paused. "I don't suppose you have a ballroom?"

She could see Jinx's expression in the mirror, the smile slowly spreading across her face, the adoration gleaming in her eyes. "I can make one."

Lux frowned at her. "Oh, you don't have to go through all that trouble just for-"

"Lux." It was the first time she had said her name, and the tone of her voice sent chills down Lux's spine. Jinx watched her intently, piercing her with those eyes. "Anything you want. It's yours."

Lux's mouth had gone dry. She suddenly felt very warm. That deep part of her, the desire she had spent her entire life squashing down and molded into something acceptable, now roiled and burned in the center of her like a hot sea.

Jinx stalked towards her, slowly. She reached out to Lux, fingers trembling ever so slightly, and rested a hand on Lux's cheek.

Lux melted into the touch. She thought any more heat would be unbearable, that surely she would burn. But instead, it satisfied her, made her yearn for more.

Jinx studied her face, the fleeting expressions of pleasure and contentment. Her eyes drifted down and found Lux's lips, and she rolled her jaw, breath hissing out as she did so.

Then her fingers were gone. Jinx had backed away, clearing her throat. "I'll get a ballroom set up," she said quickly. She snapped her fingers and a figure appeared at the door. "The frog-maids will help you get ready."

❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢

Lux had been more than a bit apprehensive about the frog-maids: she feared their fingers might be too slippery or mucus-covered to aid her in any way. But her doubts were assuaged as they combed her hair, helped her pick out shoes and brought jewelry for her to select.

While her housemaids at Castle Crownguard had always ignored her wishes in favor of her mother's, the frog-maids were constantly seeking her approval. Every decision was hers to make, every bit of her visage in her own control. Lux found herself sitting up straighter, making bolder choices, even requesting a bit of wine to sip on as they worked.

She tried not to be too haughty, though, and asked the frog-maids about their lives. It was clear very quickly that they had never been humans, as their answers were short and clipped and spoke mostly of mud and tadpoles and insect dinners. She studied their faces, trying to glean any hidden faces as she had with Caitlyn's company, but even after a full minute of staring, the maids remained unchanged. Lux suspected that if they were from the real world, they must have been frogs there, too.

As the frog-maids worked, Lux considered the unchanging sunlight that streamed from the windows. She had attended many balls in her time, and none had ever taken place during the daytime. The light would rather detract from the magic of the evening, she thought. Then again, Jinx had been so against nighttime. Lux had an idea then, and asked one of the frog-maids to send a message to the Queen.

When Lux was finished, she admired herself in the mirror, running her hands down the fabric. This would be the most comfortable ball she had ever attended.

But before the frog-maids could guide her from the room, a fish-footman swept in. "Wait!" His fins held a little velvet pillow, with a diadem upon it. "My lady," he gurgled, bowing. "The Queen of Hearts has requested you wear this."

Lux lifted the diadem, examining the diamond-shaped stones inlaid in silver. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

She was led down the halls of the castle, seeing none of the guests but hearing their voices mingling with a string quartet, louder and louder as she approached a massive magenta curtain.

Trumpets interrupted the party-goers, followed by an announcement. "Presenting her ladyship, the Queen of Diamonds!"

Before Lux could process the introduction, the curtain drew back.

It was incredible to think that Jinx had created this entire room in a matter of hours. She noticed first that Jinx had honored her request to have the windows tinted, the stained glass designs of their hearts, roses and diamonds as well all darkened to keep out the harsh daylight. Dramatic brass-wrought chandeliers hung from the ceiling, casting the room in a dreamy candlelight.

There was a far larger crowd than Lux was expecting. The nobles she had seen in the halls were scattered, few and far between, but gathered together they made up an army of card-suit fabrics and ornate, feathered masks. She hesitated at the top of the stairs, feeling rather under-dressed now.

The dress Lux had chosen would have been entirely indecent if she were to wear it to a ball in the world above. For one thing, she wore no tights or petticoat beneath, letting the white silk fabric drape down her hips and sway freely around her legs. There was no corset to keep it in place around her middle, just the gravity of the dress itself clinging to her body.

And yet, all those traits could have been forgiven, perhaps, were it not for the neckline. In fact, calling it a neckline was hardly fair: a chestline, perhaps, as the top of the dress rested neatly above her breasts. The sleeves hung off her shoulders, met by long, sheer fingerless gloves.

She wore diamond earrings: small ones, as her hair hung in loose waves down her back, contained only by the diadem on her brow. But there was no necklace, leaving her throat and breastbone free and unbound.

In the mirror, the ensemble made her feel whole, like it had been made for her. But now, above all those glassy eyes, uncertainty crept into her mind.

Until she saw Jinx.

The Queen of Hearts stepped forward, carving a path through the nobles like a knife through butter. Her dress now was more grandiose than her previous one: gone was the chemise beneath her black corset, leaving her shoulders bare, her gloves creeping up her arms and no longer fingerless.

The skirt, or perhaps skirts, was layers and layers of fabric: pink tulle and purple crinoline and black ruffles underneath, all piled on top of each other to create a mass that seemed to breathe with every step forward. And to top it all off, of course, was Jinx's crown, which had grown slightly larger to rest comfortably on her head.

As Jinx approached the base of the stairs, so did Lux, descending to meet her. Jinx took her hand, slowly crushing her lips against Lux's knuckles, eyes burning up at her.

Lux grinned shyly down at her, offering a small bow. "My queen."

"My queen." It was not a greeting, but a claim.

Lux felt her face flush, and cleared her throat. "Should we, um... dance?"

Jinx nodded, guiding her to the checkerboard dance-floor. They stood together in the middle of the crowd, all the empty eyes of the court watching.

There was silence for a long moment. Jinx shifted, emotions darting across her face like a school of fish, difficult to trap or recognize.

Lux whispered, "Everything alright?"

"I... I don't know how. To dance."

Lux gawked at her. "What? But you're so graceful."

Jinx's eyes widened just slightly, her tensed shoulders dropping. "You- you think I'm graceful?"

Had it not been for the crowd, Lux would have laughed: brightly, not in a condescending way. Instead, she reached for her, taking her slender fingers in her own. "Here, we'll start slow." Without thinking, she looked up, made eye contact with the frog- and fish-musicians, who began to play the exact melody she was thinking of.

Jinx's eyes flickered to the musicians, then back to Lux. "How did you..."

Lux paused. "I... I don't know. I just thought of..." She cleared her throat. It didn't seem important right now. "Since it's your first time, I'll lead." Lux guided one of Jinx's hands out, resting her other on her shoulder. Lux placed her own hand on Jinx's slim waist, pulling her closer.

They were so close. No longer did Jinx smell of berries or flour. She smelled of a musky perfume, something deep and intoxicating.

"We'll start easy," Lux managed, forcing her way through her nerves. "When I step forward with my right foot, you step back with your left. You hear how the song goes? One, two, three, one, two, three?"

"Yeah."

"We step on one, then wait two three, then step back on the next one. Got it?"

It was simple enough that they had it down within seconds. Lux then instructed her on a basic box step, which took a little bit of practice, some tripping, but once Jinx loosened up a bit, they managed to find the rhythm.

With each measure, their steps grew more confident. Lux reveled in the lightness of Jinx's fingers, the warmth of her waist. Lux guided her in a spin, the layered skirts twirling as she did so, and when she returned, she lingered in Lux's arms, her back pressed against her.

Lux's fingers dug into her waist, wanting to keep her there. She wanted to press her lips to the cloud tattoos drifting along that shoulder. She wanted to remove the glove and feel the heat of her calloused fingers. And when Jinx looked up, met her eyes, she saw that her want was matched.

But something about the closeness to the flame scared Lux, and she gently spun Jinx out once more. This time when Jinx returned, facing her once more, she was the one who leaned in closer to Lux. The gloved fingers had left Lux's shoulder, trailed up to find the back of her neck, thumb brushing against the crook of her jaw.

Still they danced, moved together fluidly. Lux knew she had danced before, in a previous life, the details of which she pushed further and further away. But never had she danced like this, as an excuse to pull someone close, to drown in their fire.

The tempo slowed, more and more, until the song ended all together. Lux and Jinx stood entwined, their breath the only sound in the silence. Jinx leaned in, brushing her nose against Lux's like a question.

Lux wanted to answer. But for whatever reason, her eye caught movement at the edge of the dance-floor. Sevika the Knave was in the shadows, scowling over a goblet of wine. It was then that Lux realized with some horror that the entire court was still watching them.

She let go. When she did, Jinx's crestfallen expression nearly broke her heart. In a crude apology, Lux took her hands again. "I'm sorry, my queen, it's just..." She glanced at the crowd.

Jinx nodded decisively, raising one gloved hand in preparation of snapping her fingers. "I'll make them disappear."

"No!" Even though the court members weren't real, probably, Lux would rather not chance it. "No, um... Might we go on the balcony?" she asked, still breathless from the dancing and absolutely nothing else. "I'd rather like some fresh air."

The door opened to a deluge of light, the two queens blinking back against the assault, adjusting from the dim candlelight of the ballroom. Lux leaned on the stone railing, closing her eyes. Still that same perfect temperature, not even a breeze to stir it.

The daylight did bring clarity to the moment, but Lux found herself resenting it. She wanted so badly to return to that darkness, to the dream. Now she felt forced to wake up.

Lux sighed.

"What is it?" asked Jinx.

"Well I just..." Her eyes flickered to Jinx, trying to read her, proceeding with caution. "I do terribly miss the sunset."

Jinx froze. "I can't, Lux. I can't make it night. The dark... it's full of terrible things."

"But what about all the beautiful things?" Lux asked. "The constellations, the changing of the moon. The magic, the mystery, knowing that the sun will rise tomorrow."

But Jinx was still, staring at the ground. "If it's nighttime, I'll fall asleep. And if I fall asleep, I'll have nightmares."

Lux rested her fingers on Jinx's hand, guiding her to the balcony. "I understand. I used to have terrible nightmares, you know." She decided to omit exactly who the nightmares were about. "But if you never sleep, you miss out on all the wonderful dreams you might have."

Jinx finally met her eyes. "You really want the sunset?"

"Please," Lux squeezed her fingers. "You said I could have anything I wanted. Please, for me."

Jinx took a deep breath, and the shadows changed. Lux looked to see the sun, finally shifting from it's everlasting place in the blue sky. It sank slowly, inching towards the earth, catching the white puffy clouds and making them a dazzling orange and pink.

"Oh!" Lux gasped in delight.

After a long moment of silent appreciation, Jinx murmured, "I forgot. How beautiful."

Lux glanced to see that Jinx was looking at her, not the sunset. She smiled sweetly and tucked a lock of wild blonde hair behind one ear.

The sun crept towards the horizon. Lux waited and waited, but realized that the sun was no longer moving, frozen in place. She saw that Jinx had also frozen, her pink eyes wide and fearful, the sunset reflected perfectly in them.

Lux traced her fingers over Jinx's knuckles, resting her other hand on Jinx's back. "Jinx," she murmured. "It's okay. There's nothing to fear. I'll protect you."

Jinx looked to her, nodding slowly. The sun moved again, dipped until it was nothing more than a distant lake of molten lava, and then it was gone. Jinx released a gasp, as if she had been holding her breath.

"Look!" Lux said. The sky changed from a rich orange to a muted lavender, the clouds darkening to cornflower blue. The darkness came slowly, twilight taking it's time.

Lux realized she was holding onto Jinx's hand far too tightly, and turned to apologize only to see that Jinx was staring intently at her. The corner of Jinx's plum-colored lips quirked up in a smirk, though there was a nervous energy to her. Lux's own pulse had started to quicken, and she found herself unable to look away from Jinx's enchanting face.

She must be a fae queen, Lux told herself. Some trickster goddess who had ensnared Lux, given her whatever she wanted. There would be some price to pay for the magic, Lux had no doubt. Perhaps, if she followed through with this, Lux would never be permitted to leave, game or not.

But as Lux drifted closer, so close that their noses were brushing just slightly, she found herself caring less and less. No one had ever put her first, made her wants and desires a priority, allowed her to do whatever she wanted without consequence. And she was grateful. She wanted to thank her queen, even if it meant sealing her own fate.

Impatient, Jinx leaned forward and closed the gap between their lips. She tasted sweet like pastries and earthy like tea. There was a gentle intensity to her kiss, a hunger.

Lux had only ever kissed... no, she didn't want to think of him right now. The only reason the memory returned at all was because she remembered that kiss, how it had been a quick, lusterless thing. He seemed overjoyed, but Lux had been altogether unfeeling about the business. In fact, that's what it had felt like to her, just business.

But this, this was heat. Jinx's kiss was one of pleasure, of a deep need. Free from all of it, Lux explored the last place she had never been permitted to before.

Jinx's hands found Lux's waist, seizing her and pulling her in. Lux had never thought she would like to be grabbed that way, to be handled like a possession. But something about Jinx's possessiveness drove her wild, made her feel wanted and desired, not for her name or her money but because she was her own being. The Queen's guest, arguably the only creature in Underland that could have more power than her.

Lux rested one hand on Jinx's shoulder, the other caressing her jaw, tucking behind her ear and finding a home on the back of her neck.

When Lux finally pulled away, she was certain that her own lips would be as purple as Jinx's, bruised like ripe fruit. They rested their foreheads together, catching their breath. Lux realized that during the kiss, the world had grown dark, the stars beginning to twinkle in their grand mosaic, the crescent moon rising.

"Would you like to stargaze?" Lux asked.

Jinx considered her. "I'll ask the frog-men to bring out some blankets."

"Actually..." Lux had an idea, looking out over the moonlit treetops.

❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢

They took the two unicorns this time: Jinx's was black, disappearing into the dark while Lux's glowed white in the moonlight. They galloped through the woods, and Lux recalled her fantasy from... well, it didn't matter when or where it originated. The important thing is that her fantasy was fulfilled, that she had finally become the unicorn-riding maiden she was meant to be. Yes, this was always what was meant for her.

Instead of following the signs above the forest path, the two followed their hearts through the woods, seeking nothing in particular. Jinx would leap from her unicorn and Lux would join her, the two snogging against a tree or large mossy rock. They found a waterfall and pool below, and threw off their dresses to kiss, naked, in the glowing water.

They explored each other's bodies, hands wandering along bare ribs and hips, tracing down spines. Fingers pressed and dipped, testing, seeing just how much pressure to apply in different places, how to elicit the perfect gasp or shudder.

Jinx's fingers were the first to find that center, to cross that impossible boundary that had never been crossed before. Her hand was clumsy, trembling, but the sensation of her curious fingers unraveled Lux, who clutched Jinx's bony shoulders and rolled her head back. Spurred by the reaction, Jinx pressed her fingers inside her, sinking into her warmth, causing Lux to release a sinful moan. Jinx hissed in delight and ground her palm against Lux, finding a rhythm with her fingers.

The heat became nearly unbearable. Lux felt as though she was about to be undone, melt against Jinx and dissolve into nothing. This new feeling terrified her, and yet, she wanted it, more than anything. She wanted Jinx to desecrate her, to claim her, to become another one of her glittering possessions in that heart-rendered palace.

All the while Jinx just watched her, intent and focused, teasing each hitched breath, every squirm.

The wave crashed on Lux all at once, sending her pulse racing, her blood boiling. She released a cry and Jinx stopped, withdrew her hand like she had burned it.

"Sorry!" Jinx said, trying to give her space. "Did I hurt you?"

Lux caught her ragged breath, her mouth quirking up at the side as she gazed, doe-eyed and satisfied, at her queen. "That was... amazing."

Jinx's shoulders dipped in relief. "Oh good, I-" But her sentence hitched into a high keen as Lux's hand found her own center.

"And now," Lux breathed against Jinx's neck, "It's your turn, my queen."

❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢ ❤︎ ♢

After several more crashing waves, the queens were finally satisfied. They dressed and found the unicorns, galloping through the woods once more. At one point, Lux reached up just as a tree branch appeared, and climbed from her unicorn's back to disappear into the foliage. She led Jinx with her laughter, climbing and climbing, not caring when her dress tore or her hair was tugged in the leaves. Lux breached the treetop and lost her breath when she saw the sky.

A galaxy spread out above, distant purple nebulas entwining millions and millions of stars, like jewels sewn into a illustrious fabric. Jinx joined her, also breathless at the sight, and the two stood in silence for a long moment.

Lux glanced to their left and saw a bird's nest, abandoned long ago, and whispered to Jinx. Together they downed a small vial and shrank, just tall enough to fit perfectly inside the nest. Jinx snapped her fingers and there were blankets and pillows surrounding them, a pad of softness where they could watch the stars in comfort.

After what must have been a decent half hour, Lux sighed happily. "You know, I haven't had this much fun in... well, ever, to be honest."

Jinx rolled over to face her, smile illuminated by the starlight. "I find that hard to believe."

"Really? Why?"

"Well, you're so fun. You're confident and creative, you ask so many questions and you have so many ideas about what we can do." Jinx snuggled into her shoulder. "I bet you've had all kinds of adventures."

The memories that Lux had pushed away all returned with a vengeance, seizing Lux with sorrow. She felt like a fruit that had been picked too early and never given the chance to ripen.

Lux told Jinx everything. It all came spilling out, all her perfect childhood and her straightened spine, never speaking out, always following the rules, hoping that one day it would be worth it, that one day she would find someone who allowed her to cut loose and rise to her full potential. But then she spoke of Ezreal, the betrayal sitting like a rock in her chest and choking her words: she had never loved him, she admitted, but she would much rather tolerate a lifetime of friendship and adventure than true love and imprisonment.

She spoke of her mother who always pricked and prodded her into submission, who demanded perfection and obedience but never even thought to ask Lux what she might want. She talked of Garen, who in childhood had always encouraged her fantasies, but had become hardened in adulthood by the real world. Garen, who had written fewer and fewer letters, and when he did, they were always lecturing or questioning when she would be married and have children, when she would take her place in the world lest she end up a spinster.

All these words together formed a shape, a domed, gilded cage that Lux had never felt able to escape from.

Jinx listened, never interrupting her or asking questions, just listened and heard her out, wiped away the occasional tear with her thumb.

When Lux finished, she lay back, spent, weeping silently. Jinx pulled her into an embrace, not minding the wet tears on her shoulder. "Stay with me," Jinx said simply.

"What?"

"Stay here, in Underland, with me, and you'll never have to go back." She pulled back so Lux could see the sincerity in her face. "Forget about them, all of them. Forget about marriage and children and rules. Stay with me and rule by my side."

Lux smiled through her tears. "As the Queen of Diamonds?"

"Yes!" Jinx kissed her nose. "My diamond, my queen..."

It was a beautiful dream. Somewhere deep down, Lux thought she might have to wake up, but she squashed the feeling. She was tired of being everyone else's prop, someone's future wife and child-bearer. She wanted that power, hungered for it the way she hungered for her queen.

They kissed again, a long, sweet kiss. As they broke apart, Lux felt the weight of exhaustion for the first time since arriving. The night itself seemed to have dimmed, as if all the world were falling asleep.

Fatigue wore on Jinx's features, as well. Lux wondered just how long it had been since she'd slept. But there was still worry in her face, and she kept trying to shake away the exhaustion.

"Jinx," whispered Lux. "If you have a nightmare, you can always wake up."

Jinx considered her for a long moment. "Can you... let me fall asleep first?"

"Of course," Lux said and kissed her knuckles. "I'll sing you a lullaby, would that help?"

Jinx smiled, the lucidity already fading from her face.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat How I wonder what you're at Up above the world you fly, Like a teatray in the sky..."

#lightcannon #lux crownguard #jinx #jinx arcane #arcane fic #alice in wonderland #my fic #soft smut

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lobster-tales · 4 months

Text

Lux's Adventures in Underland

Rating: Mature Summary: While fleeing an impending engagement, Luxanna Crownguard falls down a tree hollow and into the mysterious world of Underland. At first, the strange place appears to resemble the same Wonderland from her favorite childhood book, but she quickly learns that not everything is as it seems. Secrets lurk in this enchanting world, and Lux discovers that from even the best of dreams, one must always wake up. This work is available here on AO3.

Chapter 1: Down the Hollow

The midnight hour was for dreams. And in Castle Crownguard, all obeyed this silent rule, all except for the eldest child, Garen. Instead of dreaming, he pored over maps and charts, spread out on the ornate rug of the parlor. A boy still, of six and ten, he was too young to understand the finer details but hungry enough to try anyway. His tea cooled on the side table, where not even the fire could keep it warm.

But his study was interrupted by a voice.

"Garen!"

He knew the call well, as he had answered it many times before, and he sighed fondly as he rose. Garen stretched before lighting a candle and letting it guide his way up the stairs and down the call, cutting through the darkness.

"Garen!" she gasped when he opened the door, throwing off the heavy bedspread and running to him. His sister, Luxanna, was only as tall as his stomach, so he leaned down to envelope her in one arm.

"Steady on, Lux," he chuckled. "What's the matter? The dream again?"

"Yes!" She clung to him, so much so that he was barely able to set down the candle before lifting her onto his hip. "The Queen of Hearts, she wanted to chop my head off!"

"Well that's curious. What on earth would she want with your puny head?" He flinched against the tiny hand swatting his shoulder.

"She wanted to play croquet with it," Lux sobbed.

"And get your long hair all tangled in the wickets?" He tutted, perching on the thick duvet. "Hardly a sportsman, is she?"

Lux swatted him again, hiding a laugh behind a choked sob. "It was really scary!"

"I'm sure it was," he conceded. Garen reached for the softly bound book on the side table: "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" by Lewis Carroll. He flipped through the pages, pausing on an illustration of the titular character mid-growth after eating an enchanted cake, her neck stretched unnaturally tall. The image disturbed Garen, who grimaced and closed the book. "Perhaps you should read something else, Lux."

"No!" she gasped, taking the book from him and squeezing it to her chest. "No, this is my favorite book!"

"But it's giving you nightmares. And you already have such a wild imagination."

"I'll- I'll get braver," she insisted, straightening her shoulders as she did so. "I promise, I won't call for you anymore."

Garen smiled softly at her. "You can always call for me, Lux." He reached for the book, and she loosened her grip, if not reluctantly. Garen returned the book to it's place on the bedside table.

"Next time," said Lux. "I'll stand up to her. I won't let her chop my head off, I promise. I'll- I'll fight if I must!"

"Our Lux in shining armor," he chuckled while tickling her side, earning a giggle from her. He nodded to the pillow and she crawled beneath the duvet, allowing herself to be tucked in. Garen considered her for a moment. "You know... sometimes, when you're faced with a nightmare, the best thing you can do is wake up and just come home." He tousled her hair. "Don't get lost out there in Wonderland."

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Lux woke with a soft laugh, humor that faded as reality took it's place. The morning light was crisp and cool, the light of late spring. The book was no longer on the bedside table, replaced by a hairbrush, various essays and other literature scattered beneath a blown out candle. Her mother's footsteps approached in the hallway, and Lux allowed herself one plaintive groan beneath the duvet, before sitting upright and pretending that she had been awake for hours, a demure smile masking her exhaustion.

Lady Crownguard was flanked by three handmaids, whose fingers all poked and pricked at Lux throughout the morning. Her hair was combed, tamed, and pinned into place atop her head. She was cinched into a corset, stockings concealing her legs, the chemise and drawers likewise concealed by a light blue petticoat. Today's bodice was stark white with lace creeping up her throat ("Lace is all the rage in London this season," advised Lady Crownguard), a blue ribbon tied at her throat. Lux grimaced under the sensation: she had never been fond of things tight around her neck.

As the torture took place, Lady Crownguard briefed her on the day's events: most significantly, the tea party at Lymere House. Her mother droned on about the various guests in attendance, but Lux truly only cared for one. Ezreal Lymere, the nephew of Professor Lymere. He had just returned from his latest adventure, an expedition to Egypt. Lux had been reading up on the subject and was bursting with questions, hoping to bombard him at the soonest opportunity. She and Ezreal had become good friends, especially after her brother Garen had gone overseas to seek a trade deal in the Americas. Lux, feeling rather left behind, could take solace in Ezreal's adventures... and, more importantly, plan out her own.

The carriage ride was stuffy, as always. Her mother continued prattling about the latest gossip, but Lux had no interest in engagements and babies. Her attention was outside the carriage, watching the woods roll by. A white owl glided through the trees. She imagined herself following the bird, draped in loose-fitting cloth and riding a unicorn through the dappled sunlight.

"Luxanna," her mother's sharp voice. "Are you listening?"

"Yes," Lux lied. "Of course, mother."

Lady Crownguard paused, spreading her handkerchief in her lap thoughtfully. "Darling," she said, and Lux knew to pay attention. 'Darling' was reserved for two things: genuine praise, or serious news. Lux sincerely doubted it was the former. "I um... well, you are a woman now."

She certainly didn't feel like it, even though she knew she ought to, fresh from her teenage years. "Right."

"I was married by the time I was your age," Lady Crownguard said, her tone wistful. "Pregnant, in fact, before my twenty-first birthday."

Lux studied her.

Lady Crownguard reached for Lux's hand, the fabric of their gloves rubbing together. It was the closest to physical contact they ever approached these days. "I only wish the same bliss for you."

A claw of fear itched at Lux's heart. Marriage was inevitable, the doom that befell all young, reasonably well off women. But motherhood, Lux had been hoping to delay. It was just a matter of finding the right partner, which Lux was fairly certain she had secured.

Surely someone like Ezreal, with his hunger for life, would understand her, offer some relief when it came to marital responsibilities. Lux had been putting off the conversation with him, hoping to savor his friendship before they were burdened by marriage and all it's pitfalls, but her mother's meaning was clear: her time had run out.

In the woods, she watched the white owl disappear into the leaves.

Lux composed herself, masking her fear with a smile. "So do I, mother."

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As soon as she arrived, Ezreal asked her to dance. He looked much more put together than normal, his wild hair subdued, his shirt buttoned to his neck, his waistcoat pressed and clean. She terrorized him for it under her breath, earning some smirks and returned comments.

Lux asked about Egypt and he was happy to oblige, his eyes lighting up as he told her of Cairo and the pyramids, sailing on the Nile. At one point, he became too engrossed in his story and they missed a crucial step of the dance, having to rush to catch up and ceasing further conversation. Annoyed by the interruption, Lux pulled him away once the song ended, promenading instead through the garden (always within eyesight, of course. It would be improper to expect any kind of privacy with the man she would spend the rest of her life with anyway).

Ezreal went on and on about ancient cities and pharaohs, legends and myths, and Lux drank in every word like a sweet wine. He spoke of the people he met, the food he ate, the means of transportation and what it was like to ride a camel, a creature which Lux had only ever read about.

"That sounds incredible," Lux sighed.

Someone cleared their throat far behind them: Lady Crownguard, watching from over the rim of her teacup. Ezreal, remembering himself, paused at the rose garden. "Ah, here you are," he said, plucking a white rose. "A pure rose for a pure lady."

"Thank you." Lux accepted the rose, pretending to be charmed. "You know, though, I actually prefer lavender roses."

"Lavender?" he chuckled. "What a queer color for a rose."

She smiled, a soft, fading smile. Lux glanced over her shoulder, though her mother appeared to be satisfied for the moment. "I see we're under the same scrutiny today."

Ezreal stiffened. "W-whatever do you mean?"

"Come off it," Lux said, bumping his shoulder playfully. "I'm not a dunce." She stroked the white petals. "Though I will say," she said shyly. "I'm rather glad it's you."

His eyes sparkled. "You are?"

"Of course," she giggled. "I never thought... well, you know how it is, our world. I never even dreamed that I'd have the opportunity to be with someone who I could explore with, have adventures, sail the high seas." She beamed at him. "And I'm just so entirely grateful."

Ezreal had gone quiet. He guided her to an iron-wrought bench and sat beside her, taking her gloved hands in his. "Lux... I want that, too, I really do. But... well, I'm sorry if I've given off the wrong impression, but... you know that can never happen, right?"

Lux blinked at him. Her heart, feeling as porcelain as a teacup, chipped a little at his words. "What?"

"You see, my uncle won't be around forever, and you won't be very well able to travel if you're with child or taking care of the children." Ezreal seemed more embarrassed than anything, as if he had simply told her that he used to wet the bed. "I thought... you had pieced that together."

More cracks in her teacup heart. Lux took a deep breath, forcing her mask into place. It, too, was cracking. "Right. Of course. Silly of me."

Concerned, Ezreal asked, "Are you alright?"

"I just need some air," she said too quickly, and rose in the same fashion. "I'll... I'll be right back."

There was a hedge near them, and beyond that, forest. Lux managed to keep her steps even as she walked, though she moved too fast. She could only pray that her mother had taken no notice, and as soon as she was behind the cover of the hedge, she bolted. Lux ran, her heels digging into the kept grass and then the unkempt earth of the forest. She found a large tree and threw herself against it, gasping for breath and clawing the ribbon around her throat.

Lux keeled over, wishing desperately to rip the corset off and free her burning lungs. She fought back tears, focusing on her breathing. One, two, three, four. She matched it to the ticking of the clock, one, two, three- wait, clock? Lux whipped around to face the source of the ticking.

A young man stood there. He was leaned back casually against a tree, one hand toying with a pocket-watch, the other deep in the pocket of a long jacket with various colorful designs painted along the hem. She was sure that she had not seen him at the party, as his bright blond locs would have been impossible to miss, matching the color of the concave hourglass symbol painted on his face. He glanced at her and smirked, and she felt like perhaps she had wandered by accident into the presence of some sort of trickster god.

"Oh, I'm-" she righted herself, having regained her breath. "I'm terribly sorry, is this your... glade?"

He was silent for a moment, assessing her, toying with the watch. "Luxanna Crownguard?" American accent.

She eyed him warily. "Yes? And who might you be?"

"Caitlyn sent me."

Lux combed her memory. "Caitlyn? Caitlyn... Kiramman?" She cocked her head to the side. "But... Caitlyn's been missing for months. She was abducted or something, by some woman she met in America."

"Is that what they told you?"

Lux felt suddenly like she was being left out of some joke, and despised the sensation. "You still haven't answered my question. Who are you?"

"... My name is Ekko. If you want to see your friend, you should come with me."

"What?" Lux looked back over her shoulder, but all that was visible at the edge of the forest was the hedge. She was surprised how little progress she'd made while running, after what felt like a marathon. "N-no, I... I shouldn't. I should be getting back." She paused. "Perhaps you ought to call Scotland Yard. I'm sure they'd be happy to assist you with..."

His smirk had faded. He blinked at her, slowly. He sighed, and with a decisive flick of his wrist, shoved the watch back into his pocket. "If you change your mind, follow the white owl."

Lux stared after him as he returned to the forest. "Pleasure meeting you," she offered half-heartedly, before composing herself and returning to the party.

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The next hour or so was a haze. Lux, who had not been given the proper time to grieve the loss of her dreams, drifted about, let herself be shown where to sit and when to speak. She avoided Ezreal as much as she was able, hiding in swaths of the other young ladies. When her mother asked what she was doing, she said simply, "Letting him pursue me," which seemed to satisfy Lady Crownguard immensely.

During one riveting conversation about finger sandwiches, Lux noticed a woman at the edge of the social circles. She had been outcast, it seemed, invited still but not quite part of the crowd. Lux caught her sharp discerning eyes, and excused herself to meet the woman halfway, taking her stiff arm. "Lady Kiramman," Lux said, trying hard to sound warm.

Lady Kiramman seemed on edge, but accepted her greeting well enough. "Luxanna. It appears while I wasn't looking, you blossomed into a beautiful young woman."

"Thank you." She stuck to casual talk first, about the weather and Mr. Kiramman and finger sandwiches. When there was a lull, Lux murmured, "I... was wondering if you've heard from Caitlyn at all."

Lady Kiramman's eyes narrowed, as if assured that her suspicions were correct. "I know nothing more than the gossip column."

"I'm not trying to gossip," Lux said, unsure how to convince her of her earnest. "I'm just worried about her. How long has it been now?"

"... Seven months."

Lux winced, feeling a stab of guilt. How could so much time have passed without her realizing it? "That's dreadful. I'm so sorry."

Lady Kiramman shrugged it off, but Lux noticed her teacup shaking ever so slightly as she raised it to her lips. "I warned her, you know. The Americas are no place for a young woman of her fine breeding."

"Then why did she go?"

"Our ward, Jayce, invited her." Lady Kiramman sighed. "They had always been good friends, you see, and he had done well for himself at university. He even had a promising business arrangement with one of his classmates. Of course, that all fell apart when they both disappeared as well."

Lux's breath caught. "What?"

Lady Kiramman studied her, trying to discern her intentions. "Yes, haven't you read the papers? That's part of the whole scandal. Caitlyn, Jayce, and a few others all disappeared in a matter of weeks, including some prizefighter woman that Caitlyn had... befriended." She said the word through gritted teeth, which gave Lux the impression that it was not the most apt description of the relationship, just perhaps the most polite. "You really haven't heard any of this?"

Lux looked down at her folded hands, embarrassed. "No, I'm afraid... I suppose I heard something, but I'm not one for gossip."

"... An admirable quality." Lady Kiramman sipped her tea again, lost in thought. "There's nothing to be done about it, unfortunately. Neither the American nor British detectives I've hired were able to find anything." She paused, her face betraying her grief for only a moment. "I just hope that, wherever they ran off to... they're safe."

Before Lux could ask any more questions, a bell twinkled at the gazebo. She was ushered forward at the head of the crowd, up the gazebo's steps and all but into Ezreal's arms. Once everyone was in place, their shining faces all watching, Ezreal began his speech.

Lux found it impossible to concentrate on his words, however. Her gaze kept wandering to the crowd, all those waiting eyes. Her mother and Professor Lymere were front and center, though while the former seemed to be waiting with bated breath, he looked as if he wanted this to be done with so he could get back to his study and plan the next great adventure.

The thought drew her back to Ezreal. For so long, he had been her ship in the storm. She could bear all the drudgeries of society if it meant that she had someone, anyone, who could help her achieve her own desires. She had thought Ezreal was that person, but now, she saw him clearly. His adventures had never been hers to share: they were his prizes, something for him to bring home and simply permit her to awe. Their children would be blond and bright-eyed, their sons racing off to the next adventure while her daughters stood at the window, imaginations only taking them as far as the edge of the forest.

The forest. She could almost feel it's presence beyond the hedge. She wondered if Ekko was there, watching her through the branches. Was that where Caitlyn and company were being kept? Somewhere in some hollow tree, starved and tortured and begging for help? Perhaps it was the timekeeper himself who trapped them, and she was being lured, too.

Ezreal knelt. Had he already asked the question? He had stopped speaking, his cheeks flushed with nerves. He must have asked then, though she hadn't heard it.

After a long moment of silence he cleared his throat and asked again.

Someone spoke, and Lux realized it was her own voice. "I..."

Lux looked up once more, meeting the rigid gaze of Lady Kiramman.

"I..."

She was trapped anyway, wasn't she?

"I..."

White feathers glided above the crowd, eliciting screams from the younger ladies and 'Dear lord!'s from the older. The owl disappeared beyond the hedge, and without another thought, Lux took off after it.

As she ran, she tore the ribbon from her throat, discarding it at the white rose bush. The gloves followed, crumpling like small white corpses at the hedge line.

The owl led her deep into the woods, far deeper than she would have ever dared to go on her own. Lux's heart pounded in time with her running feet. She had never felt so alive.

In a distant glade, a large tree loomed, a massive hollow gaping in the center of the trunk. The owl dove into it. Lux caught herself on the edge of the bark, peering into the hollow. The darkness stretched away into oblivion.

A voice called to her from far behind. Lux steeled herself, hoisted her skirts over the edge, and fell.

#lightcannon #lux crownguard #jinx arcane #jinx #arcane #my fic #alice in wonderland

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