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thelediz · 1 month

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Sonic Underground watch along

Because… madness, is why. Almost twenty goddamn years ago, I started writing a crossover between the absolute worst piece of Sonic media ever and the games. That fic is The Lost Prince. I am maybe like… two or three chapters from finishing it. TWENTY YEARS AND THREE CHAPTERS. And I have no motivation. You cannot understand the pain this causes me.

So I’m watching the worst piece of Sonic media again in search of inspiration.

And I’m going to talk about it while I do it.

(Normally, I do things like this over on lediz-watches, but because this is specifically to explain some of my headcanons and inspire my writing, it’s here)

So let’s set the scene, first. This has become somewhat common knowledge in Sonic Tumblr fandom these days, but bear with me, because it’s important context.

(Also, the next paragraph is going to get me more death threats because I CERTAINLY HAVEN’T GOTTEN ENOUGH OF THOSE FROM THIS FANDOM, but we’ll carry on anyway because it’s important context)

Once upon a time, there was a cartoon series called Sonic the Hedgehog, now known as SatAM for reasons mostly relating to its timeslot. Sonic the Hedgehog was perfectly acceptable grimdark 90s environmentalist children’s programming which due to classic 90s multimedia marketing strategy also gave rise to the Archie Sonic the Hedgehog comics. It got cancelled on a cliffhanger because that was the kind of thing that happened in the 90s where writers thought FOR SURE a cliffhanger would spare them from the dreaded 2-season contract. (It never did.)

The reason this matters is because the production house maintained the licensing rights to that particular branch of franchise. And they needed a quick cash grab.

For some reason which I will never understand, this spawned Sonic Underground, which is… an insane premise, cheap animation, surprisingly not terrible songs, and a handful of voice actors getting milked for every inch of their three-voice contracts.

Sonic is a prince! He has siblings that are TOTALLY NOT knock-off Princess Sally Acorn or Miles Tails Prower! They have magic necklaces! They save the day with music! Don’t notice the statues of King Max Acorn in the background! Knuckles’ grandfather from the comics is there! Knuckles has magic! The Floating Island has guns! Totally don’t pay attention to the fact that both the episodes and music tracks have separate licensing that will cost the networks extra! No we don’t have time to check for animation errors! ALSO let us use highly complicated political socio-economic difficulties of enlightenment and industrialism as world building BUT DON’T NOTICE WHAT WE’RE DOING just accept the ones we say are bad are bad and the good guys are good! Good? Good. Great.

It is a trashfire.

I adore it.

I have no excuse.

I do, however, have wine.

Let’s go, kids.

Sonic Underground 01: Beginnings

The plot (for want of a better word): Once upon a time, Queen Aleena of Mobius ruled a beautiful world kingdom city (?) and had three lovely babies: Sonic, Sonia, and Manic. An evil industrialist named Ivo Robotnik came out of nowhere and took over her city world kingdom (?), turning all the aristocrats evil. In desperation, Aleena turned to the Oracle of Delphi I mean Delphius who told her that she must hide herself and her children away, until they could reunite as the Council of Four and enter a glorious New Age.

This episode is about the three children growing up, realising they have siblings, magical music, and the much less exciting fact that they’re once and former royalty, and coming together through The Power of Harmony.

Now, this episode immediately showcases what I love about The Trashfire: its background worldbuilding. You are not supposed to notice the worldbuilding, but it’s there and it’s amazing.

Realistically, Aleena would have been an absolutely terrible queen. I am not in the least bit surprised her aristocrats followed Robotnik, who promoted science and industrialisation and then sold them cheap labour. Honestly. Compare that to –

The facsimile of the Hanging Gardens, right there in the first twenty seconds. The HANGING GARDENS. Beautiful, yes. Legendary, absolutely. Would I have loved to see it? Hell yes! A good use of time or resources or indeed environment? HAH. MEANWHILE –

Slums! I don’t care what your artistic imagery is telling me, those tight dark alleyways you’re running down were there before Robotnik took over, your majesty. And you’re wasting tax payer dollars mobiums on THE HANGING GARDENS.

Manic was supposed to go to a middle-class family – you can tell by the clothing of the person that comes to the door. And he’s immediately stolen. Don’t question why a thief would steal a baby (there are so many things we must not question), but notice that it took all of ten seconds. The crime rate in her supposedly perfect city is CRAZY.

Side note: Manic was supposed to go to a middle-class family! The triplets should have gone aristocrat-middle class-working class, but instead we skipped straight from aristocrat to working class and then down to thief, but Aleena NEVER INTENDED to teach her children about the underclass.

Is Mobius a kingdom? Is it a world? We don’t know. We will never know. It Just Is, and Robotnik rules it, while Aleena used to rule it. Stop asking questions.

Music is illegal. This is a real thing that has happened in fascist communities, by the way, usually as a way of controlling the youth. And yet Sonia and Bartleby are out looking for an illegal club. Bartleby is bitching the whole way, but he’s there and he’d looking because it makes Sonia happy and it says SO MUCH about the spineless little worm. I love him.

Anyway. Onto my episode notes:

These character designs. What are these character designs… In my fic I call the alien-looking thing mixes, and say it's what happens when too many super classes (like... canine, feline, fish, etc) interbreed, but really it's just WEIRD.

Goddamnit, I hate Sonia. Not because of her character itself – she is… fine. But I hated GRRL Power even when I was the target audience of it, because of reasons that I can and probably will eventually go on for hours about. But basically, I mostly just hate that she’s perfect at everything, and her only flaws are being bossy and over emotional. It’s not real character, it’s not real personality, and I hate it.

Oh. A thing I’d forgotten. Sonic Underground’s one and only positive influence on other Sonic media: this was the first western animation that gave the hedgehogs more than three spikes. Probably because 3D games were also coming and going to make it A Thing.

Also: Sonic’s Tragic Backstory! I make so much of these foster parents for so many reasons.

But uh… yeah, starting the first episode with the out of place smiles during emotional moments… Sonic and Chuck smiling blandly as the only home Sonic’s ever known burns to the ground in front of them…

Imagine if you’d never read the comics or watched SatAM. Uncle Chuck and his dump-base would be a such a strange thing to see…

Oh, wow… Sonic’s reaction to the Oracle of Delphius’s nonsense. “I’m a prince? Weird. I’m a BROTHER? HOLY CRAP!”

Poor Sleet and Dingo. They never wanted to be evil, but they’re… not even very good at it…

THE SONG: Someday. Meatloaf pop eat your heart out. You would never believe that this was actually a pretty good storyboard match for some legit music videos at the time.

Seriously, Oracle, you could have stopped all of this by just stabbing him instead of warning him. You aren’t a good guy. Don’t pretend to be.

The instrumental song! Legit Sonic music. In fact, this gives serious Sonic and the Secret Rings vibes… I demand more than thirty seconds.

“Oh no, my family has been captured and turned into a robot! But you say my necklace is MAGIC? Fascinating…!”

I mean, look. I can’t defend this thing. I won’t defend this thing. Even when I was a kid, I knew it was terrible.

But I’m having fun anyway.

Normally, on these posts, I'll do one at a time because I've just realised how LONG these are, but the first three episodes are really just an hour-long conjoined episode. And things like that are s why I know at least someone in the producer's studio legitimately thought the Trashfire was a good idea. They were wrong.

Anyway. Sonic Underground 02: Getting to Know You

The plot (for want of a better word): the three siblings set out as directed by the Oracle of Delphius. They encounter a trainer who teaches Sonic how to stop, Sonia how to spin, and Manic how to do cool tricks with his drum sticks that he will barely use throughout the series. Mostly, it’s an episode that introduces some overarching themes, like Sonic being impulsive and irritable, Sonia being prissy, Manic’s insecurities, the divide between proper girl and stinky boys, and that while the triplets will tease each other constantly, it’s always all for one if someone else comes after them.

…That made it sound much sweeter and better than it actually is.

Dingo… she’s not that pretty, and don’t let Sleet tell you you’re ugly. You’re both 90s villains. I’m sure someone’s made Rule 34 fanart of you.

Oh hahaha Sonia’s so out of touch, thinking there’s a maid and that a mouse is terrible ahahano. GUYS.

Look, I hate Sonia, I do, but I have to give her props that Sonic and Manic don’t. Two hours ago she was a sheltered aristocrat’s daughter, she’s stating her expectations, and when Sonic shuts her down she makes a quick joke and gets on with things. I appreciate the pragmatism. I will give her that.

Look, Sleet, you gave Dingo an instruction and he followed it. Don’t act surprised. (Spoiler warning: He will continue to be surprised.)

Okay, this is a weird thing that the show will play with occasionally. Sonic and Sonia trade off mission-focus tunnel vision all the time. Usually when they want the other one to seem flighty or impatient respectively. But Sonia loses her props for not just getting to the point when their lives are on the line.

And then the boys lose it for being Idiot Boys despite the conversation.

Ah, Sonic Undgeround’s weird timelines. How I’d forgotten them. Side note, I also have trouble with pacing and timelines when writing The Lost Prince, so I probably can’t blame it. But here, they’ve been walking for two days, and Sonia is only NOW asking what Manic did for a living.

(also, notice that even Sonia, sheltered aristocrat that she is, thinks everyone of their age should have a proper job. They are somewhere between the ages of twelve and sixteen, folks! I make way too much of this!)

Gondar. Is certainly not voiced by the same guy as Robotnik, I’m sure.

No one questions why Sonic has super speed. This is not considered to be his ‘hidden talent’. For Reasons.

Manic’s ability to make drum sticks fly around will never be mentioned after this episode, to my memory.

Three days plus however much training time… and Robotnik is only just now figuring out the map they found? Apparently the super genius can’t read.

Ahh, Manic’s insecurity. So very well founded. He’s right, I’d argue – Sonic’s speed and Sonia’s… whatever that spin thing is, they are both so much more powerful than being able to throw sticks. And this isn’t even Sokka in the Last Airbender thing, the sticks are basically useless and will continue to be so. His actual power (SPOILERS) is over the earth, to the point that the whole stick thing is a weird addition from the get-go.

I’ll be honest with you, the monks and the invisible stairs are the only things I ever remember from this episode, because it’s such a weird visual that isn’t important in any way.

Sonic implying less than 100% American heterosexuality counter +1

Okay, so this is another running theme with the series, where they’re going to say Sonic’s impulsiveness is a huge problem, but the times when it isn’t, he won’t do anything different, it will just be that either Sonia tells him what to do, or he suddenly shows far more battle skill than he does when the impulsiveness is a problem. This is a common thread in Sonic media, actually, and it always kind of annoys me because they never do it well. Everything is always Sonic’s fault, except when it isn’t. Yes, this is why I still haven’t gotten around to watching Sonic Prime.

The SONG: Working Together, in which 60s rock would like their style back, thanks

…Wait, that was it?

Oh, yeah, in a better show this would have been the second third of a long first episode, RIGHT.

Sonic Underground 03: Harmony or Something

The plot (for want of a better word): After having discovered Manic’s power over the earth, the triplets are told Sonic’s friend Trevor is in danger. They abandon their training to rescue him, only to uncover a scheme to hunt down the Oracle of Delphius! The triplets must think quickly and work as a team to save everyone!

Once again, Sonic being cranky disrupts the harmony and causes problems. 90s Sonic was always so cranky…

A bit of world building here again, that you surprisingly are supposed to notice: elementals (of which dragons apparently count) are a thing, and apparently common-place enough that they teach it in school. Now, the way the conversation is phrased, you’re supposed to think Sonic’s stupid for not knowing about it, but Sonia is the only one that does. This is absolutely where I got the idea that she’s the only one of the three that went to school. Which would make sense in context, but I am thinking way too hard about it…

“Control of the earth can set off powers beyond your control”… this will never come up again. Manic, you could have had such an epic character arc of growing arrogance and humility… Instead I have to think too much about it and read into Manic’s insecurity and make him into A Nice Guy and ughhhh I am such a problem.

“I have also learnt that you might have the biggest heart in the world” – this is about Sonic, and while I agree with this characterisation in general, I have not seen it in this series, and certainly neither has Sonia. But we move on.

Jeez… yeah, Bartleby’s a sleaze and a problem, but again, put a little reality on this situation and he’s actually worth his salt. He ‘walks the fine line’ as per Sonia’s words, and is immediately threatened by the sight of a woman who was his social equal (if not better) having been robbed of her sentience and turned into a slave, and he still does nothing worse than continue to walk the fine line. He’s a jellyfish, but the man’s got integrity.

Dingo, in contrast, is a creep, and Sleet’s insults make like, no sense

Once again, Sonia knows all the things. Hacking, flying jets, this will keep happening… If a skill is needed, Sonia will have it, as a good 90s female. God, I hate her character type.

Manic… seriously, man, mortal peril is not the time to play around, but Sonia, snarking at Sonic during mortal peril is also not appropriate

And the first of Aleena’s guilt tripping holograms! Hooray!

THE SONG: Birds of a Feather… oh, the… the early 90s pop nostalgia… oh ouch… it hurts…

…I appreciate Sleet’s pragmatism. It never works out for him, but I appreciate it.

Sonic implying less than 100% American heterosexuality counter +1

Aleena… Oracle… it… I get prophecy, but… you’re RIGHT THERE. Reunite! Save us the next 37 episodes and the unresolved ending! Or at least tell the kids to stop looking until they’re ready. Come on.

The prophecy is obnoxiously vague, by the way. In this episode, it’s… arguably implied that the triplets need to learn to be better before they can be given their rightful place as rulers, but I would argue that in 40 episodes, the show takes absolutely no steps to improve their characters and make them better leaders. And as I said last time, Aleena is implied to have been not great to begin with. So CLEARLY my solution to this whole problem is change the last two minutes of this episode.

But that was the opening movie! Ridiculously too fast-paced for what it was trying to do, terrible animation, amazing world-building, interesting characters, acceptable dialogue. Welcome to the Trashfire that I have loved for half my life.

Come back tomorrow if you want to know more!

#sonic underground #lediz fics #watchalong #sonic the hedgehog #sonia hedgehog #manic hedgehog #seriously i cannot defend this show #I will never defend this show #but there is so much I enjoyed in it #and it makes my fanficcer brain go nuts

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lynne-monstr · 5 months

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Fic author interview! I was tagged by the fantastic @glorious-spoon. thanks, this was so fun!!

No-pressure tagging: @afincf-tirwer @shadaras @undead-robins @tka-trashfire @hils79, @nyelung, @vampirenaomi, @prince-of-elsinore

How many works do you have on AO3?

As of yesterday, 202!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

678,560 words. which i have mixed feelings about because. i'm proud i've managed to write so much but at the same time, i've been at this for over 10 years i wish the number was higher for all that time.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Things Best Kept Between Three People (Leverage, Eliot/Parker/Hardison) - 1,389 kudos

Escalation of Commitment - (Leverage, Eliot/Parker/Hardison) - 1,360 kudos

I say goodbye but mean hello - (Leverage, Eliot/Parker/Hardison) - 1,283 kudos

This is the Place Where I Sit - (Leverage, Eliot/Parker/Hardison) - 1,006 kudos

In Possession Of - (Leverage/Supernatural crossover) - 715 kudos

looking at these fics, it's very obvious that another way of asking this question is: "what's the most popular ship you've written." though i am very amused that an actual crossover made the top 5, considering how deeply those have fallen out of favor in the past twenty years.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my best! some years i am better at it than other. but even if i'm in a low energy moment, i appreciate every single comment <3

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

The leverage theme continues, apparently.

Just One Last Time (Leverage with Highlander elements. Eliot is immortal. Parker and Hardison are not).

I'm not usually a sad ending person but every one in a while I indulge.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Basically all of them lol. But I guess I'll say that ghost story fic because it got really sad before the happy ending.

This is not a ghost story (The King's Avatar, yuhuang, magical realism)

7. Do you write crossovers?

Yes! They are my original fandom love and such a wonderful self-indulgence. I should try to write more of them in 2024.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not on a fic, but I got plenty for my silly ramblings back in the shadowhunters fandom, sadly.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! yay smut. I prefer mine with some kind of kink in order to hold my interest. (not that i don't enjoy non-kinky smut but when i do i tend to enjoy it for the emotional payoff rather than the sex itself)

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! How cool is that!? Love fandom translators and the amazing work they do <3

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I don't think co-writing is a thing that I would enjoy. Trying to merge my writing style with someone else sounds stressful and also i think i might be too much of a control freak for that kind of collab.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Whatever my ship of the moment is!

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I'm pleased that all my big recent wips have been finished! I've been working on a little "troubling rain is cursed" fic for a couple years now. it's only a few thousand words long so not sure it qualifies for wip status, but i would like to finish it so I can post it!

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think characterization and silly jokes.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Description. Despite my efforts I will never be one of those beautiful prose writers.

I think of my style as very "what you see is what you get" and I consider that to be both a strength and a weakness.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It's a hard no almost 100% of the time. And something I will likely use the back-button on.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

My first posted fic was hetalia (germancest) and I had such a wonderful time in that fandom!

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Still really want to try and wrangle my onmyoji ot3 ficlet thing.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written

That question is cheating! But I'll go with my de-aged ywz fic because I never thought I could write a story over 10k words and I'm still very proud that I managed something nearly 70k!

Means of Transportation (The King's Avatar, yuhuang, de-aged ywz)

#meme things #oh no it's me #what a fun thing to think about. yay writing!

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red-talisman · 1 year

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Tagged by @pleasegivejinlingabreak. ✪ ω ✪ I'll keep it danmei-related.

1. Three ships:

Mo Ran/Chu Wanning. I first read 2ha in March 2020 when my region had JUST gone into COVID lockdown and I sped through the entire translation, including the UNEDITED machine translation lmao, in just four days. MR and CWN became a Coping Strategy. This is one of the rare examples in which I'm so satisfied with the original source that I haven't felt the need to channel my emotions through writing fic, which is a very strange feeling.

Liu Qingge/original Shen Jiu. I'm obsessed. Utter Disaster™.

Jiang Cheng/anyone regardless of gender and in various combos. This angry baby is my fandom bicycle and clearly he just needs a good, hard ride to solve all his problems. #TrustMeImACounselor #WellnessStrategies #BetterLivingThroughBetterDicking

2. First ship:

My first danmei ship was Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan back when Guardian took tumblr by storm in 2018. Guardian was my first cdrama and dear GODS that glorious trashfire just ATE MY BRAIN, and also sent me on some research rabbit-holes about Chinese history and literary traditions more generally as an area I had no real prior knowledge in.

3. Last song listened: "Anoana" by Heilung (one of those Scandinavian folk bands that, afaik, is not white supremacist, and it sucks that I have to be explicit about that)

4. Last movie watched: I....don't remember. I don't actually consume much visual media the way I do music, which means that when I do consume something, it becomes a Fixation and I make a sideblog to scream over it. My pinned post is proof lol.

EDIT: no wait it was Everything Everywhere All At Once, which is already excellent but was additionally interesting to watch with commentary from relatives who are diasporic Okinawan about their own experiences.

5. Currently watching: spotty rewatch of NBC's Hannibal whenever I remember that TV is a thing that exists.

6. Currently reading: 2ha's official English publication (!!!!!!!!!!)

7. Currently consuming: navel orange + chocolate chips. :D

8. Currently craving: Coffee. I'm drinking it right now but I still crave it.

Tagging some of the folks who are showing up in my recent activity feed lol - @pizzadisaster , @lollo12589 , @leasspell-dael , @miss-fiery , @tragedy-jun . Feel free to ignore this, of course. 💜

(If anyone else wants to participate, you can tag me as the person who tagged you and I got your back, fam.)

#hound barks

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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How was Unforgotten Night? I'm a lil bit apprehensive to watch. Mainly because I've watched so many BLs lately where they don't use a woman to come between the main couple and it looks like they're gonna do that here. I know you can't tell me much with just one ep but was it at least entertaining?

I am having a great time. They are definitely gonna use a woman to come between them but it's just... this is glorious. It's like a trashfire with modern concept and old tropes and it's everything I wanted thank you very much.

So... I love it.

It's wild.

Is is gonna be good? Probably not! Do I care? NOPE. This is my trashfire and I'm taking so many people with me on this ride @absolutebl, @clairificusrex and @iguessitsjustme for SURE and probably more. Plan for lots of posts from me so feel free to wait if you wanna see more of my opinion~

#unforgotten night #thai bl #thai drama #thaibl #thai series #bl series #bl drama

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sunderedazem · 2 years

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Hey, I really hope I'm not bombarding you with requests. When it comes between our two SWTOR Legacies, which characters from each one do you think would have the strongest friendships?

HMMMMMM this is a good question!!! Brainstorming Time >:D

I think Kessin and Ael would get along swimmingly, for sure! They're both the casual, laid-back but gets-into-batshit-situations type, and their senses of humor would either mesh hilariously well or devolve into a comedic trashfire. Probably both simultaneously. The rest of our legacies would be in Pain from the terrible jokes and sarcasm overdoses. it would be Glorious. They're also both generally Good Guys (TM) in the sense that there's definitely certain lines they won't cross, even if they think most laws are stupid. They'd be pulling an Ocean's Eight every month or so XD

I also think that - eventually - A'vash'l and Corrain would probably have an extremely strong...understanding, let's say. Not quite friendship, maybe? but both Corrain and A'vash'l have had their free will stripped away, using the same technology, and because of that they both understand the value of free will in a way not many others do. Elennye (my agent) would also be included in this particular understanding, but as she never truly felt betrayed by the *Empire* for the application of Castellan restraints, it's not quite the same.

Corrain would also have that same kind of understanding with Yuli - if she wasn't a Jedi. After being taken prisoner on the Emperor's Fortress, Corrain genuinely does fall to the dark side for a time - not all of the horrible things he does are solely due to his inability to resist direct orders, some of it IS him lashing out due to anger and fear - and he genuinely doesn't want to give parts of that up after "returning to the Order," not that he'd admit it to himself. So Yuli's being a Jedi would in itself create a wall for him. They'd be pretty good friends, but he wouldn't be able to be completely himself around her until after he formally leaves the Jedi Order and loses his goddamn I Must Be The Perfect Jedi At My Own Expense Complex

Thank you for the ask! I love asks don't be worried about sending too many of them!

I'll admit there's a few of your characters that I don't know too much about, so it's entirely possible I could be able to add to this ask later, hehe.

#swtor oc #swtor #moonrise legacy meets zarmahan legacy #kessin #corrain #elennye #friend oc: A'vash'l #friend oc: yulizza #moonrise legacy #corrain gealai #kessin meyka #elennye trizz

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the-promise-has-been-made · 2 years

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I don't know about you but I look forward to Rings of Power because this is going to be the biggest godsdamn trashfire since the finale of GoT. It will be glorious. Like I don't even know if I'm gonna watch it, but the memes will be so good!

#I don't even wanna tag this

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comradekatara · 4 years

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AUs wherein zuko and katara would date (and it would be glorious)

the favourite au –– everyone knows how i cherish this au. it is kind of sad to think about katara losing her resilience and sense of duty as her 17 lost children and the unyielding gout pain continues to wear on her, or zuko coming to the following conclusion: “I must take control of my circumstance. I will need to act in a way that meets with the edges of my morality. And when I end up on the street selling my asshole to syphilitic soldiers, steadfast morality will be a fucking nonsense that will mock me daily.” but yes, she is indeed anne, and he is indeed abigail. you’d think he’d be sarah, because of the scar, but in fact, it is aang who is sarah. yes, aang is insistent that they continue with their war efforts, even willing to put his own loved ones on the front lines simply because he refuses to surrender to the french, who have, technically, already surrendered. anyway this is all to say that none of the logical leaps in this au matter because the only thing that matters is that this is literally the only scenario that could ever possibly be devised wherein zuko eats pussy, and it is to relieve katara’s gout pain

the good place au –– i’ve written about this before, but i think the potential for katara and zuko being set up as soulmates remains not yet explored in full. because the potential is endless. all someone would have to do to ruin them is express their envy at their (what must be!) robust sex life, and the revelation that they both have absolutely no desire to so much as kiss the other shatters them. here they were thinking that they had found the love of their life, blissfully content, the picture of domesticity, the couple all their other couple friends wished they could be.....before realizing that maybe they were just glorified roommates. at first, they both privately try to justify it to themselves by being like “well..... just think of it like being fwb!” but that somehow makes it worse because they were already in a relationship with benefits, the benefit being that they never felt any obligation to fuck!!! and now they do!!! and if either of them admits to the fact that they don’t want to, then they would obviously have a huge falling out, and also katara would have to admit to herself that maybe she’s internalized some really harmful messaging her entire life about what romance should be and she should really reevaluate her entire worldview, and zuko would have to admit that maybe he’s–– ...nah. so they bite the bullet. and just as they feared, they have absolutely no sexual chemistry, and now they’re absolutely miserable, trapped in “heaven,” nowhere to go. it takes them another millennia to truly figure it out.

but i’m a cheerleader au –– okay so in the first two i mentioned, they’re obviously adults, but in this one i don’t think you’d have to age them up more than a couple years, if even. they’re still in highschool, and katara’s seething because not only is her dad away, but gran gran’s decided to marry, and pakku is plain evil. he does not approve of the fact that katara plays sports, is a vocal feminist, doesn’t shave her legs, and listens to beyonce. apparently, all of these are gateways into lesbianism, and though both katara and sokka insist (katara through tears of rage, sokka through tears of mirth) that katara doesn’t have a lesbian bone in her body (not even her smallest phalange) pakku decides the only safe route is to send her to a conversion therapy camp. except, despite the fact that all the staff there insists that her denial is merely a symptom of the closet, you will not convince katara that she is secretly a homosexual. katara would know if she liked girls, because she would have been attracted to a girl by now, considering she once developed a full-fledged crush on five different boys in one day. her current crush is quiet and aloof, with a mysterious scar covering one eye, and hair that falls in his face––like a drummer. a drummer that wears sweaters in july. he’s always slightly rude to her, which is a sign that he likes her; she would know, as she’s read plenty of YA romance. over the course of the month, he becomes so antagonistic towards her that eventually he realizes that he may just be being outright mean to her, so zuko decides that maybe if he is polite to her, she’ll take the cue and leave him alone. no such luck. she tries to kiss him. he lets her, because it’s an opportunity to prove he’s been “cured,” and leave. when katara comes back from conversion camp with a boyfriend, sokka barely looks up as he remarks, “only you, katara.”

pride & prejudice au –– katara bennet is rudely snubbed by aang bingley’s friend, mr. darcy. she decides she dislikes the man a great deal, but otherwise pays him no mind. besides, jet wickham is very handsome. she is proposed to by mr collins, whose patron is ozai de bourgh, but she rejects his proposal as he is far too tedious. instead, he marries her friend (well, friend is a stretch) mai lucas. eventually, katara comes to realize that she truly loves mr. darcy, and she and li live happily ever after. when she goes to visit mai collins (nee lucas), zuko informs her that he and mai are quite content thank you very much, and mai agrees. that night, as with every night, they go to sleep in separate beds, but katara does not bother questioning their tenuous relationship as she is far too blissfully happy with her darcy to care about the collinses.

#a glorious trashfire that is #katara&zuko #AUs #katara #zuko #the biac au is the least pc and funniest thing in the world thank u for ur time

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darthstitch · 3 years

Text

How to Deal When Your Spooky Homicidal Nuclear Trashfire Disaster of a Supreme Commander Sith Lord Adopts A Child

(Inspired by @jackdaw-kraai 's Excellent Engineer Luke Skywalker 'verse)

1. There's about a dozen of the vod'e who have been fans of Scrap Hunting from the very beginning. Look, the kid was funny, poked fun at the same things they laughed at, albeit on the downlow, as it were, and the half of them that weren't really mechanically-inclined still found Luke Lars entertaining. Actually, Force help them, they did end up learning SOMETHING.

2. The 501st are also responsible for bestowing nicknames on Engineer Luke's veritable army of mouse droids. The little guys are now fondly considered as "pets" and apparently have distinct personalities all their own. The most infamous mouse droid is the one nicknamed "Stabby" who apparently has made it its mission to follow Darth Vader around. Surprisingly, His Lordship doesn't mind the company and has been heard to ask the droid to relay messages to its young maker.

3. The pilots on Lord Vader's shuttle knew what was up the moment their Lord had come back with the wide-eyed farmboy from that backwater sandpit. Mental images of a giant black asthmatic Corellian duck fussing over their one duckling were NOT healthy things to think about in the presence of a spooky armored mind-reading space wizard so the pilots carefully thought about other things. Like tooka kits. Yes. Tooka kits with sandy fur and big blue eyes. Totally safe things to think about!

4. Look, Trooper MTV-15387 a.k.a. Molotov wasn't sure why his Special Brand of Corellian Moonshine Hooch was suddenly the hottest commodity on board. One of his brothers finally told him it had something to do with that engineer kid from the Outer Rim and Lord Vader. Molotov doesn't get it, really. But hey, business is booming and if General Veers himself actually ordered a case of his Specials, then it was all good, right?

Molotov was a bit surprised to get a "thank you" note from Alderaani Senator Bail Organa himself, congratulating him on the "excellence of your vintage." Apparently, General Veers was generous with the treats.

5. Death Squadron would like it known that THEY were the first to officially adopt Head Engineer Luke Lars because of the amazing work he'd put into making sure their ships were less flying coffins and more of the badass war machines of the glorious Empire that they were supposed to be.

6. The 501st would like to object to that. The Goran was theirs and they were definitely keeping him, especially after the wild success of the SUTA project.

7. Captain Piett does not want to get into the midst of this argument. He's fairly sure that Lord Vader has officially adopted young Luke Lars. Piett already has all the necessary Navy forms ready for filing whenever His Lordship gives the word. He's also gotten the same forms ready for Veers, once young Zevulon gets on board ship.

8. Captain Piett carefully does not think about overprotective Correllian ducks and their ducklings in the presence of his mind-reading Supreme Commander either. Even if young Luke does an incredibly good impression of a happy sunshiny duckling.

9. Piett is just happy that Lord Vader is now mostly calm and contented enough that the ongoing betting pool of "Who's Going To Get Choked to Death Next" has quieted down. Mostly. Okay, so the odds are definitely on Admiral Ozzel for the whole choking business and there were a few good-natured grumbles after news of That Incident at the Imperial Ball spread through the ranks. "Why'd the kid have to stop His Lordship then?!"

Piett carefully pretends he hasn't heard that.

10. Perhaps the happiest amongst them all was The Lady Herself. All right, so Star Destroyer A.I.'s weren't supposed to develop such distinctive personalities of their own, but then again, mechanics tended to behave and react strangely around people who happen to be Skywalkers, even if one of them pretends he's forgotten all about it and the other is carefully keeping the name secret. The Lady had been pleased with this little one's clever hands and quick mind, the way that he had carefully sorted through all that needed to be fixed and repaired, the marks and traces left behind by careless hands and the battles the Lady had fought. The Lady was very pleased that Her Shadow had finally found the little one. Her Shadow had existed in pain and grief for far too long.

She had always known that there was still good in him.

- end -

A/N: Yes, I really went there. I regret nothing, I tell you. NOTHING. The Lady Ex has Opinions, okay?

Stabby the amazing Space Roomba is a Tumblr Legend. I had to pay my own tribute to him.

This is the result of me trying to tide myself over until the next installment in the Guides 'verse! :P

Read it all here:

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1902145

#luke skywalker #darth vader #anakin skywalker #star wars #engineer luke #and his nuclear dumpster trashfire murder dad #ghost in the machine #hell yeah i went there #the guides verse

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