#YOU CANT JUST NOT GIVE ME CLOSURE YOU FUCKING B

[motley-cunt]

normal times in the bvb fandom

#andy posting #andy biersack #andy black #motley rambles #lomy #lonny eagleton #YOU CANT JUST NOT GIVE ME CLOSURE YOU FUCKING B

[madisonbeersource]

what is your ranking of sabrina's album "emails i can't send"? you can put all the songs or just the top 5 or wathever, as you like.

I love "nonsense", it's a very nice song and funny too. it makes u fall in love and laugh at the same time, what's better than that?

OOOO interesting question okay so first of all the album works SO WELL TOGETHER like it's one of my fave album of this year if not my favorite of the year concerning female music? honestly people should pay more attention to this album did it do well on the charts??

HM......i'll try my best haha

Already Over - i think lyrically it's the best written song idk the "how am i supposed to close the door when I still need closure" ?? HELLO MISS CARPENTER?? CAN U NOT B LIKE THIS SHARP??

Because I liked a boy - I mean...do I need to elaborate? poor little angel got death threats bc she liked Joshua ... CRAZY and the music video is everything!!

Emails I cant send - it's short but everything is said i love how honest and vulnerable the song is like DAD YOU FUCKED ME UP, AND U NEED TO OWN UR SHIT. yes i'm for it !!

Fast time - I love putting it while i'm walking or taking the bus idk if gives me energy !! also love the 80s old US town vibe to it

How many things - I MEAN..................................so pretty, her voice, the guitar, the arrangements, the lyrics.... "You used a fork once, now forks are fucking everywhere" FUCK ME

then they're all equals tbh there's no bad ones on this album like decode, tornado warning, nonsense, bet you wanna...I mean they're all so great!!!!!! all the carpenter stans of this blog....YOU HAVE TASTE

#ask

[arillusionist]

last s&b ep part the second

this is the kanej scene bye i cant do this

the way she has to bite her lip to not talk

HE WAS LOOKING FOR HER PARENTS 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔

YOU CAN LITERALLY SEE THE BOOK LINE GOING ON the old answers came easily to mind money vengeance jordie's voice in my head silenced forever but a different reply roared to life inside him, loud, insistent, and unwelcome YOU, INEJ. YOU AHHHHH

STAY IN KETTERDAM STAY WITH ME

AND WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT

I WANT YOU TO I WANT I WANT YOU

THE WAY SHE CARRESES HIS HAND

AND HOW WILL YOU HAVE ME GLOVES ON FULLY CLOTHED YOUR HEAD TURNED SO OUR LIPS NEVER TOUCH

I WILL HAVE YOU WITHOUT YOUR ARMOR KAZ BREKKER OR I WILL NOT HAVE YOU AT ALL

im going crazy rn my fists are clenched so hard they hurt

he nodded. he fucking NODDED.

this is their last scene together. we never get to see anything past this because of fucking netflix I HATE THEM SO BAD

thats inej. oh.

wow okay im going to break something time to be mad at the writers

SHE DESERVES HER OWN SHIP. THE WHOLE POINT OF HER GOING OFF IS TO MAKE HER OWN LEGACY AND NOT BE EMPLOYED UNDER SOMEONE *AGAIN* THE FUCK.

AND SHE DESERVES TO BE HUNTING SLAVERS NOT DOING WHATEVER THE FUCK THEYRE DOING

bye i dont even know who im mad at atp

oh she is hunting slavers

IDGAF SHE STILL DESERVES TO BE CAPTAIN. OF HER OWN SHIP.

i know its stupid to be mad because they were probably thinking they would get to make the spinoff and give her her own ship at the end of the last season but i dont care. theres no spinoff.

he has to fight wolves thats . wow

nina being there too is so awful

the letter being fucking crushed too

atleast wesper is happy. haha :)

oh my god hes buying out the menagerie girl's indentures just like inej said at the start of season one...

i cant

ew its the apparat

hes so annoying. and ugly

oh damn is that merzost or what

srry yall i havent read kos yet

atleast alina looks pretty!! and happy. kinda

here they go with the book lines again

"i could fix him" BYEE but it makes me so sad to know thats the only onscreen zoyalai moment we'll ever get

omg zoya nina and alina are the trio ever 💪🏽💪🏽

THEYRE TALKING ABOUT THE ICE COURT JOB THE ONE WE'LL NEVER GET TO SEE

tf who is that bitch

is that blood?? coming out of their mouths??

alina has shadow powers???

oh she likes it...!! stop i needed to see the rest of her storyline so bad shes become one of my favorite characters im gnna cry 🙂

and thats it. not tagging this cuz its mainly just for me but im gonna go cry again over the fact that we'll never get closure to those million cliffhangers and also go sign the petition a million times ex oh ex oh

#sab reaction

[myescapediary]

Another update:

I decide to update my tumblr whenever i’m really sad and cant process what im feeing or thinking so this might be type long so ill break it down. where do I even start?? Its been two months and four days since I came on here. Based off my last update um...

RU update:

there is five weeks left of the semester!! Crazy how fast time flew by, its been ok haven’t make friends tbh but hopefully next semester is different. I am nervous about finals and I still haven’t paid off my tuition.. I also have my internship placement interview that I am so nervous about. I hope i do good and i am just so excited and scared at the same time. 

New job: 

I got a job!! I work at a Physical Therapy clinic and its been good so far, way different from my last job. Although i only work two days bcs of school, i am so ready to be full time once the semester is over. I am tired of not having money and i need to pay off my credit cards smh. 

Social Life: lmao might have to break this one down too... 

lets start of with Franco: that was a nice time, distanced myself bcs he was giving bf vibes and wanting a relationship, not what i want.. DV: um with this one.. said i was going to exchange my gifts and then cut him off.. well, his gifts are still sitting in my room LMAO! Idk whats going on with that, i just been avoiding him, he gives me an ick now... J: still around, it’s been really weird, idk why. He stood at my house for two days then his “girl” came to my house and confronted him about him staying here since he lied and she thinks i’m not in his life anymore, welp he went home the following day. He says he wants nothing w her but i’m sure he does, he prob just doesn’t want to be the first one to get into a relationship. Now lets talk about the one thats been taking a toll on me for no fucking reason... 

JZ, ok well from last update i seen him at esquina was awkward. Fast forward to 3/10, went to B’s bday party. Me and JZ spoke shit out like fr we kept it cool and it was nice getting the closure I needed, told him how i never wanted a relationship with him etc. I also mentioned how he blocked me from viewing his stories and him viewing mine. Mind you i’m not even that lit bcs i didn't want to do anything stupid since this is the first time being around him since brunch lmao. Night goes on, we dancing then i’m dancing on him cus why not and i notice he keeps staring at my lips and i eventually play dumb and let him kiss me =, first time i backed off second time we made out for like 2 seconds LMAO. Ok, i then let him be and distance myself, I notice B wants to get with him so i’m avoiding them although he isn't fully paying attention to her, fast forward, we end up getting kicked out and we going home. B is in the car w me asking for JZ and how she wants him to take her home and how he “kissed her”. ok anyways, he doesn’t take her home and she lied about that and he told everyone he only kissed me cool. I obv felt a type of way seeing them bcs idk why he got me feeling like this for him, when he doesn’t do shit bruh. Following day we go to Scarlet’s and B is with him and i was like great.. they was always together and i was lowkey hurt, why idk but I was. I just hoped she wasn’t going to NYC with us too.. 

Ok we go to NYC with the boys for St.Pattys day, its me ad libi and the guys from brunch... off the bat Jacob is being an asshole and bringing brunch up all the time, found out that I was crying for JZ that day of brunch like wtf?? ad to play it off like i remembered that LMAO. Ok, i avoid JZ all night then remembered the following day going up to him and my dumbass being drunk bringing up B to him talking about some, i’m not dumb you want her and he’s like no I want u and i’m like you’re not acting like it and thats all I remembered. He been watching my ig stories since B’s bday but idk my dumbass always does some dumb shit to push him off. I think its the thought of him not wanting me what kills me, like wtf? Following day all his boys said how they would get with me and how i’m bad like wtf let me heal you from your ex?? LMAOO JK. But that was another story, they prob think i’m easy after brunch but hell na, jacob was buggin and swears. Ok well that was on 3/18 and I haven’t seen him since. 

I am just driven by the fact he doesn’t want me ig? but then he goes kissing me and saying he wants me? is he that much of a bitch? like I don’t understand fr and me wanting answers makes me want him more and honestly he isn’t even that cute, well he is but like for me to be this “obsessed”. He def needs healing from his ex bcs he be liking sad shit and how he can’t trust females.. He is just such a cool person and his vibes are it, his style and the way he talks god. I don’t know what JZ did to me but he got me going through it without doing anything bruh. No need for me to feel this way. And the fact he knows i’m down bad for him prob gives him an ick and i see why but i try to avoid him and be cool but i fuck it up somehow. I clearly can’t drink when i’m around him. I just wished he was open to getting to know me and not making it weird. But yeah, that’s mainly what’s been making me upset,I was over the thought of him till i was around him for 2 weekends straight. They talking about NYC next weekend and staying over there, idk if he’s going and idk if B is going. If she goes that shit gonna blow mine but we’ll see. 

I should be doing homework but here’s me writing a whole book lol.

March 25, 2023 

4:19pm 

[shoezuki]

i cannot believe my phone crashed bruhhhh

okay here we go again better fuckin WORK this time

plotlines that would be cool to explore, canon or not. obv the chance of any of these happening is super low and i don't own any of this shit etcetc jus Cool Shit

1. The scene from earlier where Ranboo yells at Sam except he goes feral and takes Sam's first canon life.

2. Eret adopts Ranboo arc. Think about it - double redemption, emotional support and trauma closure, brother figures for both of them. Also voice/crown buddies please I'm on my knees begging

3. Ghostinnit and Tubbo meet up. The concept of Ghostinnit's introduction being giving Tubbo an allium at the bench is... yeah

4. Techno breaking Dream out of prison. Would be very interesting

5. Dreamon pspsps I'm a sucker for possession and obv I'm not a dream apologist an all but it's such a cool concept? Dream being forced to hurt the server he cares about because he's trapped in his own mind, watching as his body and his mouth hurts his friends and allies... hm :)

6. A couple different takes on Sam's current angst that would be cool to see:

a) Sam kills Dream. Moral prisons be damned, I'm not here for morals I'm here for block men drama. I wanna see Sam fucking lose it and take Dream's final life.

b) Sam tearing the prison apart to find the cause of the explosions and eventually breaking down because of guilt

c) Sam tearing the prison apart to find the cause of the explosions and accidentally letting Dream out

7. Eret getting involved in the Egg was hinted at in their stream earlier and that would be so cool to see - they tried taxing it as a gag and they mentioned that they "definitely would not break it" and pspsps your majesty you wanna break it so bad

8. Ranboo redemption arc but it's borealis content

9. Revival of everyone who is dead, at the same time. Wilbur, Tommy, Mexican Dream, and Schlatt, all in the same room as Dream (who would have to revive him) and probably everyone else. Everyone on the server in the same room. Wooh.

10. Jack Manifold and Niki talking about Tommy and realizing he wasn't really the villain

11. Eret killing Dream. I don't think I need to elaborate onto why this would be good.

Again, not saying I want these to be canon, I respect the dsmp writers and their decisions and they're doin amazing, these are just concepts I wanna explore as possibilities.

Ok Egg scorching opinions go - andy

YOOOO YESYESYESYESYESY holyfuck yo o ok okokok

1. YO. HOLYFUCK. thatd be like. holyfuck>? thatd be SO harrowing and thinkin a how fandom would respond Fucks Me Up a Little. like the idea of ranboo being So upset to react without thinking maybe into his enderwalk state and like. potential of just Showing that neither a them r particularly wrong or right and that Ranboo isnt incapable of hurting others and making fucked up choices like everyone on this server. god. id imagine sam would take it hard n terms of ‘i deserve this’ 

2. any instance a eret gettin to get In on things got me Screamin but in like. one thing i Always wanted to see is them getting involved w the anarchists/borealis boys. but eret and ranboo in particular??/ fuck yes. two kings dealing with their feelings of having wronged their allies n recovery as ‘traitors’

3. god the concept of ghostinnit is So good like. we seen w wilbur mans lost pieces of himself/wasnt quite ‘him’. i would love seein like What he’s like n how tubbo would see him and react to him. ghostinnit would be such a shock n like snap tubbo into realizing the severity of death

4. TECHNO PSPSPS TECHNO i cant help imagining like. a shit buddy criminal type comedy ajkghsklghshlglghs....

5. imma admit i have NO clue a any a the dreamon stuff but bringing it back n up front??? could be p fuckin cool. 

6. sam breaking Down like. very bluntly would be Really good i feel. mans needs to let that shit OUT. he’s a very firm/strong character n no doubt pent up like. i can imagine Many ways a it going w him and his self-blame. if he ended up bumpin dream out???? oooooo boy.

7. I WANT ERET INVOLVED!!!! if she got into some role a bein like. a strong force Against the egg. thatd be REALLY good. they need a sort of ‘main’ hero type role.

8. BOREALIS CONTENT. aAA

9. an absolute fucking moshpit. the dead role up n brawl. oh my god itd be hell

10. jack and niki talking it through n like. rationalizing tommy’s death and therefore what him as their antagonist Meant to them. like i know jack has been realizing his grief and anger as something deeper n that he didnt Want tommy dead like... them being lost without a means to an end or a ‘goal’ of killing tommy.

11. ERET KILLS DREAM YES. GOOD. BEAUTIFUL. A WIN FOR THE GAYS

#KHFGKSJHHKL YESYESYESYES #hhnrtbbhgfbg #andy #anon

[misterbitches]

lahe's DUMB AS HELL lmao whole time i was distracted by how annoying i find him and i think there's overstating he and the chemistry with aaron/the char. mostly because we got to see JYZ in a natural habitat which would be nice if we got more of that with shi lei. there's a lot of issues here but the show was not bad. however

a) they clearly filmed this before so why did the edit come out like this. what were their limitations etc but i don't feel like thinking about that

b) i'm left COLD knowing that he's gonna LEAVE and so i dont GIVE A SHIT about their chemistry which exists and is reinforced and if the story was better constructed it could have been (and should have been) interspersed but i do think it's an exaggeration about the two of them like it's two big men and? yall never seen ppl kiss before? they just look like two hot guys kissing who have a connection but it's literally broken and this dude is an idiot so it's like watching a commercial like ok theyre cute. theyre together so what bitch this isnt a cheerios commercial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the resentment i feel. he didn't apologize and he used trickery and shi lei agreed. this is my fiercely independent side but also the side where it's like....you become vulnerable for someone and they have ZERO regards for your feelings. it's the fact that he cannot say sorry that hurts and imo it gives no closure because he just emphasizes how important he is. and i juuuuust. maybe they should articulate how toxic of a thing that was especially before YZT (who i would love to see a season with him and falling in love/being in love PROPERLY) gets into a rship with someone else

his inflated sense of self purpose is so fucking unattractive for a man and deyn does it well which is why i think hes ugly cos i hate his character but im like into him as a person (the actor) and 95% of that is the tattoos (and having a tattoo in one of my most favorite places and it's a painful placement yes that gets me h*t)

girl im mad idc who knows it it's compelling tho but in the way where im like IT'S ON SIGHT. the back and forth and instability of that is really really really really really difficult and it shows, to me, that YZT thought about himself first. fine. admit it bitch ugh so foul

also the premise itself of the show is silly but it's a decent one (and like tv is trope-y) and honestly i would do that bc like yu zhen said "you cant lose what u never had" and FRANKLY the person who left me coming back would not urge me on unless it was to make this man mad yes i would do that OR it didnt have to involve him at all if they want us to like him well it didnt work for me!!! maybe the rest! but i see u bitch. please i would be so terrified begging someone not to leave you and they do. that pain is immeasurable. literally why cant u love me enough?

#be loved in house #blih #be loved in house i do

[gayregis]

blood and wine rewrite au basic layout

i already posted something like this before but i cant find the post so im just rewriting all of this from the top of my head

everyone’s repurposed roles:

geralt - he’s still a witcher. he’s geralt of rivia. obviously. i don’t have time or interest to think about how to rewrite the entire witcher 3 game to be lore-friendly, but i assume there would be less triss and more dandelion involved in it. for this let’s just take him as geralt having done everything in tw3 but with the personality of geralt from the books because geralt from the games doesn’t have much of a strong personality good for writing or thinking about.

regis - a bitch. nah jk. he’s same regis but just what he was like 100 years ago when he got his head cut off. he’s less spiralling-into-doom than he was then, and is less desperate and hopeless overall, but is slowly getting there once again. he doesn’t remember anything about learning from his mistakes and becoming a good person, because this regis didn’t get any of that. to this regis, it’s like no time has passed at all since he died, and he’s ready to start partying again without any thought of the consequences. he’s moved to toussaint because everyone’s already tipsy there and the north is plagued by war so it’s not a really great source to be drinking from (like if there was a sewage leak near the vineyard you sourced your wine from). he doesn’t remember anything about maturing up or about becoming a surgeon or about the hansa, so that sucks.

dettlaff - not a fucking maniac. actually a character geralt will likely spend a good amount of time talking to. total character overhaul because he does not have a personality in the actual DLC. he arrived in toussaint because he had heard that regis had returned and wanted to fix things wih him, he had previously left him.

syanna - not a fucking dumbass, yet still naive in her own way due to being blinded with the promise of power. in this, she is planning to stage a coup on the duchy (because she is the older sister, so it IS her right by law) and she supports regis’ slow dive again into uncontrollable insanity because it helps her prop up rumors that her sister’s reign is ineffective against real threats and is cursed. but this alliance does not go as she planned...

orianna -  in this, she is the owner of a gladiatorial school (instead of an orphanage), and is still like in canon a wealthy and influential individual of beauclair, yet reclusive from human society. she is regis’ best friend and goads him on, because she never fixed her own issues with alcoholism and now is elated to have him back and forgetting that they had disagreements which drove them apart in the first place. they’re best friends (NO romance) and it’s just good to see how insanely different orianna and geralt are because they’ve both been regis’ close friends at different points in time.

the purpose of this:

fix regis’ relationships with the vampires. he slowly drove all of his good friends away by going off the deep end and many are likely wondering whatever happened to him. but books regis would never consider partying like that again, so we bring the party regis back and then slowly de-escalate him into normal books regis again, and we finally get closure with him and his old friends.

cool dramatic stereotypical vampire shit. i’m talking about a final battle or conversation in a giant dark castle with large open windows and billowing drapery.

regis’s hairstyle

give syanna actual agency as a character and give her motivations that extend beyond pure revenge (although they are related to revenge) and make her more unique so she is not just a ripoff of renfri. 

demonstrate anna henrietta and geralt’s relationship as it was in the books. he was genuinely intimidated by her and i interpret him as being jealous of her relationship with dandelion, so he in practice was quite withdrawn around her as she was her overemotional and embellished self

give dettlaff an actual character, holy shit. i hate how sorely underdeveloped he is in the game. i understand why because it’s not meant to be writing, it’s meant to be a video game, but come on. i hate having the vampire with the cool character design be the ultimate villain of the whole narrative. in this, he’s someone geralt can talk to and sees himself in. he’s emotionally mature and doesn’t mix with the other vampires. since we already know what regis is like, we don’t have to sit through dettlaff making excuses for him and trying to describe what his character is like. we also get a better view of regis’ past through dettlaff’s lense. 

give orianna an actual character, holy shit. i hate how they didn’t even try with her and just used her as a “surprise, she is quite evil!” gimmick. have her actually have a larder for blood that is lore-friendly yet still jumps out at the audience as morally wrong.  give her more personality and development.

examine regis’ backstory without actually getting into every single year of those 4 centuries. we can examine how it started good, turned bad, went worse... there’s a lot of loss involved and i think this would be nice to process it.

roughly what happens (under cut because if i ever do write this fic out, this is spoilers, literally the synopsis of the whole thing):

anna henrietta sends envoys to geralt. they establish that the duchess has no conflict with geralt and that her conflict was with dandelion, only. she has requested his help because he effectively dealt with many monsters while he was in beauclair and established a trustworthy reputation (also, he’s famous, and toussaintoirs are superficial). instead of the beast of beauclair killing particular victims, it’s the countryside which has been plagued by vicious attacks of the devil knows what.

geralt arrives and examines the scenes of the attacks. the sincere majority of the victims are alive, so he speaks to them. they remember nothing, but woke up with their village fucking absolutely trashed and with vomit everywhere. they all have wounds on their necks. geralt thinks he knows what’s up, but is reluctant to deal with it because of his memories of regis, who he misses

damien de la tour is assigned to geralt as a sort of backup. they argue and geralt manages to get him to stay put in beauclair while he rides to a village they believe will be attacked next. it’s not even a full moon so the vampires don’t even come out in their bat form (disappointing) but instead just mesmerize their way in in humanoid form. dettlaff sneaks up on geralt who is (ahem) staking out the situation, and is like hey dont kill regis hes not evil hes just misguided!! and geralt is like REGIS? EMIEL REGIS? THTS WHO’S LEADING THEM? i ..... i know him.... and dettlaff’s like what the fuck how... then they get caught and regis is like oh hey dettlaff who’s this guy and geralt feels very left out :( and also sad bc regis doesnt remember shit and geralt even lists the hansa members by name and regis is still like O_O ok yeah im just going to hypnotize you to get lost ok goodbye! but dettlaff prevents him from doing this and they both get thrown out of the party.

after the party geralt is a mess and is like wtf so hes back and what... how... huh... and dettlaff doesnt know how he returned or why he returned either but they compare geralt’s knowledge of how regis died with dettlaff’s knowledge of how regeneration works and they figure out that regis just regenerated from his past body and that’s why he doesn’t have any of his memories from when he turned good.

then they eavesdrop a little more and find out that syanna has been talking to regis and making deals with him (its... not really like she thinks, regis really hasnt been doing anything he doesnt want to. shes just like “hey can you attack this village here” and regis is like yeah i was gonna host a party there tomorrow night ...) so they are like who the fuck is this woman and track her down to her base of operations, and then they find out that THEY got followed by damien de la tour, who identifies her as sylvia anna. geralt is a little miffed on behalf of dandelion that damien seems to be so close to anna henrietta but i digress.

geralt reports his findings to the duchess but does NOT mention regis because the duchess knows who regis is. then we get the same vampire talk from canon b&w where the duchess and damien are sorely misinformed on every single thing ever.

geralt is defeated and has no idea on how to fix this and hes looking hard into a mirror by candlelight and then decides to go to bed so he turns around and regis is right behind him like hey. cue ‘holy shit what the fuck’ moment and freaking out. regis explains himself and says that he doesnt remember him but the fact that he gave so many specifics weirded him out and he kind of wants to know more out of curiosity. also he wants to talk to dettlaff but feels too bad about how he argued with him like 3 centuries ago that he cant just ask him directly.

so they talk and geralt is all :(( and regis is like ok well. i kinda want to get these memories back because they sound pretty significant and also im pretty miserable. but also im not going to stop partying bc its the only thing that makes me feel alive rn. so long!

geralt and dettlaff talk to orianna and she dislikes them both but still talks to them and then regis materializes and also begins bothering them and its quite civil but this scene just serves to demonstrate how annoying they are as friends lol

there’s scenes where you can either save damien / syanna from being unalived by the vampires’ / regis’ hand, only if you let syanna die will the duchess be mad and accuse you of being heartless like dandelion is and then geralt and the duchess actually get into an argument bc of that comment but geralt ofc loses bc hes scared of her lol

no matter what you get regis his memories back but your decisions to either continue helping him or not is what makes him change or not. even after he gets his memories back (or because he gets his memories back?) he decides to raze beauclair bc hes just so fucking miserable and geralt has to talk him down, if you are harsh and not understanding and shame him etc then he doesnt change, if you condemn his actions but still offer your support then he does.

if you offer your support > geralt talks about the hansa like For Ever and regis then adds in everything and yay regis is back to normal. theres like a wholesome montage of geralt being like “just TRY to sew up a wound i promise you you will be good at it” and regis does and hes splendid at it. regis and dettlaff finally make up and are bros once again. we help orianna with her issues and she realizes stuff but is still going to have a drink once in a while. if syanna is alive she doesnt hate on any of this but just decides to make up with the duchess and then become captain of the guard (damien gets fired for being a dumbass).

if you do not offer your support > regis goes to cry in a delapidated creepy old castle and you have an epic fight (geralt is backed up by dettlaff) and he turns into a bat and geralt almost dies, they manage to decapitate regis again and put him in the ground and set a timer for 50 years

if you redeem regis then there’s an ending scene where the duchess is like “oh regis i didnt know you were in town” and hes just like <:) ahaha... yeah...

cue crying about milva/cahir/angouleme For Ever. maybe link this with the fic where geralt and regis bring them all back as ghosts/real ppl and then they have to deal with those consequences

#blood and wine rewrite au #regis #geralt #thoughts

[rookisaknight]

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes-Jacob Seed, Fem!Dep

Alternative title, I needed closure and none of you stopped me.

I’m still trying to figure out how to write Molly, so take this attempt at a fever dream. Its under a cut because A: its long and B: I still have some shame

“You had no....fucking clue” Jacob said, choking out a low laugh between coughs. His ribs were heaving for air, making him wince in pain each time he inhaled. The end was coming, he knew it. His body, that had been battered by so much that failed to kill him, was reaching the end of its warranty. He leaned against the rock behind him, closing his eyes and letting go of the arms of the woman in front of him. A moment later he felt a pair of hands grip the cord around his neck and give a firm tug, snapping the leather. He let a faint, tired smile spread across his face....

“So,” Molly said, voice flat with exhaustion as she slid down to sit alongside him. “You done with the monologue, or were you gonna keep listing off wars to drive the point across”

“.....”

“Jacob, please. A couple shattered ribs and a bullet to the shoulder isn’t gonna kill you that fast.”

“That all it is?” He said, with a rueful chuckle that made him wince. “Think I lost track of it.”

“Yeah, me too.” She tore off the shredded sleeve of her jacket and began winding it around a gash in her thigh, where he clipped her. The motion was very, very practiced. Based on the scars he’d seen on covering her legs and arms on various occasions, it had become second nature at this point.

“Well....” He shifted a bit, biting back a sharp groan. “Call it a tie, then” The left side of his jacket was dark and sticky with blood, and he grimaced at the feeling of clinging to his skin

“.....it will kill you. Eventually”

“That’s what they told me about the cigarettes.”

“If you don’t get help, you have maybe an hour.”

“So, Deputy, what are you gonna do about it.” He turned to look at her. “Gonna bandage me up and deliver me unto the long arm of the law? Stick me in a jail cell for the duration of this war?”

The obvious sneer in his voice made her roll her eyes as she tucked filthy strands of her hair behind her ears. “......you’d have to ask.”

“Hm. Officer is just gonna let me die unless I beg? Doesn’t seem very honorable.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m other people, Jacob.” Her voice was quiet.

“....” He looked back out over the hills.

“You and I both know, from the second I shot Eli, you were waiting for me to kill you.”

He was quiet for another minute. “....if I had wanted it, do you think I would’ve made it that hard for you to do?”

She snorted. “You want me to do a lot of things. None of them easy. Compared to 10 days of starving in a cage this was a walk in the park.”

“...are we speaking logistically, or emo-”

She clipped the back of his head. “Shut up.”

“Hey, hey” With his uninjured arm he batted her hand away. “Alright.”

“And for the record, you didn’t deny it.”

“Didn’t think it was necessary.”

She sighed, leaning her head back. “Sometimes I talk to you and then everything about Joseph makes so much more sense.”

He wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or an insult. Knowing Kříž it was both and neither.

“Well. Looking at it that way....guess I won. In the end.”

“If it’ll satisfy your fragile, elderly ego, yes, you won.”

He chuckled.

“All you have left to do...is wait.”

“......right. Wait.”

After the chaos of a few hours ago, the silence felt almost....surreal.There were a few smoking wrecks of trucks and men out in the fields, but the smoke diffused easily into the open mountain air. Molly shoved her gun to the side and splayed out her legs a bit.

“.....I need roughly four showers. So thanks for that.”

He smirked. “See, Kříž, now I can’t die. You haven’t toughened up nearly enough if the mud still bothers you.”

“This doesn’t smell like just mud.”

“Could just be you.”

“Or you.”

“We both know from personal experience you have no problems with how I smell.” Watching her face go scarlet was a treat, despite the circumstances.

“You pick now to bring that up?” She was taking decided interest in studying the trees around them. Avoiding eye contact.

“I plan to die with no unspoken thoughts” Not to mention the loss of blood was starting to make him feel a little...floaty. Punchdrunk maybe. “Once was a surprise. But sneaking out of the bunker three times to see me? Eli musta already lost his edge.”

“....Tammy caught me once. Told her Cheeseburger needed walking” There was a faint edge of a grin in her voice, though he couldn’t see her face.

“She bought that?”

“She didn’t, but I don’t think having pissed off hook-ups with you would be the first thing anyone would assume.”

“Funny. They were on my mind a lot”

The flush returned. “Don’t make me kick a dying man’s ass, Seed.”

“I’d like to see you try, Kříž ”

She laughed. Hoarse and high and just as tired as he was. So tired....he slumped against the rock.

She looked at him quietly. Words hanging on her tongue, but refusing to come forward.

It doesn’t have to be like this.

I can....help you.

But she couldn’t. Even if she patched him up, one step outside this clearing and Jacob Seed was a dead man. If Tammy or Wheaty didn’t get him, one of the others would. She could hole up in the bunker with him until this whole mess was over, and all it would get him was an indefinite stay in prison.

What she wanted didn’t matter....if that even was what she wanted. Which was still a big question mark. Like just about everything to do with Jacob was.

“So why me” He said, so faintly she almost missed it.

“...what do you mean?”

“Why not John. Or Faith for that matter.”

“....Jacob Seed. are you asking me why I didn’t fuck your sibling because-”

“Nobody in the world is stupid enough to miss that my brother was hot under the collar for you.” There was a hard edge to his voice when he talked about his youngest brother that brought Molly to silence. “Hell, who knows. With the right....application, you might have been able to flip him. So why didn’t you.”

“I don’t sleep with people to flip them.”

“So why do you then?”

She groaned, running a hand down her face. “You know what, if you’re in pain I can probably just shoot you in the head-”

“Molly”

......

Her first name sounded odd in his mouth. Not...unpleasant exactly. But odd.

“.....here’s my issue with you Seeds.” She finally said. “Every single one of you is trying to make me your....I don’t know, successor. Clone. John wanted me to confess, and spread that fervor of confession.” Her fingertips brushed the scars on her chest, thin and pink and still visible, despite the months since their creation. “He told me my sin was Wrath, because Wrath is....was his sin.” she looked up at the sky. “Faith wanted to make me into a bliss-soaked convert, another beacon of light. You want...” wanted “to make me into a perfect soldier. And Joseph....well, I think he’s hoping I’m another of God’s chosen.”

Jacob was breathing slower. She did her best not to notice that.

“.....I’m not a soldier. But....” She pushed some hair out of her face, blinking hard. “I need to be. That’s what these people need. A soldier.”

A long silence. Molly felt something rising up in her throat that she was fighting a losing battle with, and it was ridiculous, and she just hated the hell out of this man. Not three hours ago he’d made her kill a trusted friend and taunted her with it. He’d broken Pratt, his minions had destroyed Jess’ life, and none of that could ever be washed away.

But stripped of all of that....here on the rocks she couldn’t watch him die.

He’d done his job too well for that

“You....fuck, you had what I needed. I’m such an awful thing in your hands Jacob but...I wanted to disappear into that. Again and again. Just become whatever you made me into, because it was effective, I was strong, and that’s what’s so-” She closed her eyes tight. “-its so fucked up”

You’re dying, and you deserve it, and the world’s better off for it, but I’m so afraid to lose that power. I’m worried that I’ve become you, and if you cant be saved.....

What hope is there for Staci?

Or Tammy?

Or me?

“ Kříž....”

She was startled out of her thoughts, and turned to look at him. For a moment he was so still that she felt her mouth go dry. But his lips moved faintly as he breathed out sounds she could just barely discern as words.

“....don’t trust in them to save you.....by the time you’ve thrown in your lot....its too late....” His breath was coming in shudders now, but those blue eyes opened one last time and looked dead at her. Once again, measuring her.“Its too late....for me. You...can run.”

“......”

The thought hung in the air between them before it was punctured by a gasping chuckle from Jacob.

“....neither of us can help it then.....” His eyes slid closed. “Just as well...”

These were the last moments. Yet, pressing on her thoughts....if she moved fast, she could at least get him mobile....Jerome, he was a miracle with bullet wounds and if she could convince him-

.....

Her hand slipped into his, gripping tightly. Less a lover’s caress and more...a last salute. His hands were like sandpaper, and getting colder.

It could’ve been her imagination, but she could’ve sworn the fingers tightened around her hand in a faint squeeze....before he went still.

#this was a trip to write let me tell you #this is what happens when you let your protagonist identify a little too much with the worst person she knows #jacob seed #oc: molly kříž #far cry deputy #fc5 #far cry 5 #jacob seed/deputy

[shooshopath]

Ngl I lowkey regret coming out to my mom

90% of our conversations are already filled with condescension willful ignorance and her getting way too touchy/close to me so idk why it bothers me more when it’s about being bi but here we are ¯\_( ツ)_/¯

Idk venting into the void usually only helps me when its not mom related but here comes the rage train I guess!!

Friend got me a bi flag as a holiday gift and my mom saw it and as soon as she asked me what country it represented I could sense the oncoming train wreck with my third eye

Me, internally cringing in preparation of the inevitable: it’s the bisexuality flag

Momtron: Oh! What does that.....mean

Me: It means I think guys are cute......and girls.......and other people.......

Momtron: ...........*fake surprise noise* ,,,,,,,Then I am also bisexual.  

And then I started boiling in rage because like....beyond the blatant bullfuckery a) I KNOW she knows what being bi is, she’s worked with lgbt groups before, she just wants me to say it for her weird fucked up mind game reasons, b) I have come out to her THREE TIMES now, and I’m willing to give her a pass on the first because she legitimately missed that one but now it’s just irritating and sorry! You’re gonna get the same answer from me every time!  I’m not getting any more straight!, c) I know she already knows from the second time because she’s super obvious and acts like a hetero whenever anything queer/lgbt is in tv and will Not Look At Me), d) I know this is hard to believe, but your attempt at changing the definition of bisexual isn’t going to make me think girls are any less hot!  Sorry!

The rest of it was also a fun little mess in which I got to explain what bisexuality was while she pretended not to understand but I ended up just cutting to the chase and telling her I wasn’t dating anyone rn and didn’t have plans to because we all know what she actually cares about is if I’m dating a feeeeemale and she did her whole condescending little smirk smile thing and dropped it.

Also she does this thing where whenever one of us tries to have a Serious Conversation with her and she’s uncomfortable with it or know she’s losing the debate she’ll start nitpicking on some aspect of our physical appearance and constantly bring it up as a way to derail. And she was doing it here except SHE was the one who started the conversation in the first place so she kept on derailing and rerailing herself, it was fucking wild. So basically the entire conversation happened above was constantly interspersed with her zooming in on my face like a vulture and complaining that one of my eyes looked moldy (it makes more sense in Chinese)

It’s basically like mom weasley except with more gaslighting and Incredibly Blatant Manipulation Tactics That She Pats Herself On The Back For Despite Being Incredibly Blatant 

Hahaha I thought my dad was going to be the weird one about it but he’s been surprisingly chill beyond being an occasional awkward turtle. Honestly, I don’t know why I thought otherwise like when have I ever had a healthy relationship with my mom about anything.

She’s already 60% of why my self esteem is fucked in the first place and why I feel the need to constantly compare myself to others, was it too much to ask for her basic acceptance on this ONE part of my life? I don’t even know why I feel guilty about typing this out because it’s fucking true.  Part of its conscious and part of its unconscious and I know she loves me but so many of the things she does are specifically designed to chip away or criticize or look down on me and for someone who supposedly cares so much about diversity, anything beyond asian/asian american experiences never really seems to matter to you that much, does it?

I don’t even understand my own sexuality! I still have moments at least once a day where I feel like a fake and that’s not even bringing in all my conflicted feelings on my asexuality and aromanticism. It’s confusing and frustrating and I really wish I had a queer or lgbt or whatever adult to talk to about it! But I can’t ever act unsure of it or even discuss ace/aro shit because she’d use it against me.  It’s the same reason why I’ve never gotten closure with her on ANYTHING, if I try to initiate an actual conversation with her about it, all I’m going to be met with is her loving condescension, incredibly obvious attempts to change the subject, her inevitably forgetting it right after and me having to go through this shit all over again.  It’s not even worth linking her to articles because she’ll say she’ll read them and then never do it.  I know her, and she’ll never even make the effort.  I’m fucking tired.  I don’t know how people have healthy relationships with their moms because it’s always been tied up in passive aggression and narcissistic traits for me.

Surprise!!  Venting didn’t make me feel better!!  I’m angrier than ever!! Cool!  

[sentiniel-butitgetsworse]

rwde

highly unpolished, awful explanation, but scene-by-scene commentary of unbridled annoyance and rage. read at your own peril.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so the episode opens with a fight scene. sweet! cool! but its so badly staged, sometimes you have no idea what is happening the first time round. it’s crowded and messy, not a very good look? im talking about grim being hid behind ice while the camera is panning and hitting some trees when we’re literally panning out to show someone else in focus DESPITE THE FACT THEIR MITIGATION SHOULD BE FRONT AND CENTER TO LET US KNOW IT HAPPENED CLEARLY. legit! there’s the one where nora shoots at a grim and the shell explodes into black dust and the grim is gone. did it die? grim dont usually die by fuckin smoke but this one sure fuckin did i guess ‘cause i literally dont know what happened to it? no recoil and fall, just deleted and hid behind some 2d-lookin smoke! sure! why not?!?!!!?

s/o to the white/rose speedy thing that had no reason to be there and yet they did it

---

then there was the “adam ruins everything” segment where he literally just murders? everyone? like i get that its off screen for the younger audiences but also like he fucking murders everyone. literally! did i miss something? is it a good tactic now? did they think it was very villainous of him to murder people??????? god bring me back to the beginning when he actually has a good character reason for why faunus would follow him into revolution because this adam taurus is so bad he’s worth flushing down the drain for.

“tHe BeLlAdOnnA nAme HaS bRoUgHt Me NoThINg BUt gRiEf”

also that opening shot where adam is proud. jfc what? is he even part of salem’s crew anymore? was the Adam short supposed to tell us he isnt? is anyone reviewing this and thinking 100% it’s a good idea?????

wait why is this scene even second? that’s a really awkward position to put it in the whole episode? honestly? like it kinda underlines how awkward a villain adam really is; it has no build up, no reason to be there. sure, the audience is hungry to know what happened to adam, but there’s legitimately no reason to put it as the second scene in the episode, there’s no context??????

callout post for this scene because its literally just voicelines while panning slowly through the bottom floor of the room. and the blood only shows up later??? also is the white fang only comprised of like 7 people now??? isnt it a globally feared organization (ie. isis)????

---

there are two bodyguards for the train. two? two. and for some reason they’re asking for dlc to provide more/personal protection? hello, did i miss something? anyone thought it was a good idea? what class of transportation did they get? if it was dangerous enough that on a train ride they’d need people to guard the journey it wouldn’t even be built there? or what, did they get a max-luxury, train ride with insurance kinda deal? and it had two (2) bodyguards? two (2)!!!!! or was it in the middle of the road??? i may have enough context for the environment but none on economy of this place i swear

“hey ladies we’ll protect you wink” jaune and lie ren literally sitting one (1) feet away not saying anything, could be everyone’s moment to justify “hey we’re literally huntsman despite being kids, we know what we’re doing” but qrow has to step in and apparently his  credentials would ward off some bodyguards???? like “hi yes sorry im the dad of literally 8 kids, i can protect them all” not a convincing argument here bud

illia deserves more time on screen and also closure because neptune fuckin hit on her and that’s obviously enough to change scenes right

also neptune being “you really gonna let her go? l:/” feels like he’s salty instead of wukong tbh; wukong feels/sounds like the literal i can do anything kinda guy -- which he is in mythology and probably in universe (except for intelligence i guess, despite the fact he literally outsmarts his opponents through a lot of his mythos) so i dont mind him being let off the hook, but any hesitation implied during this scene? weak

illia building up to kiss but hugging blake instead, but blake kissing wk on the cheek straight up on camera yo really

---

blake emos in the corner and because its queued up right after the wk/neptune scene its not a far fetch to say she’s emo-ing about wk but turns out its yang? would’ve preferred the setup to be stronger (blake watches yang get on the bed and feels sad/regret, zoom in on yang’s arm to show the audience but not tell them)

i give props to blake being shown “wait leme get that for you” real out the way though, because it underlines properly that blake feels ridiculously bad and wants to do something to make up for yang. good characterization/storytelling!

then they break it w/ like a 30s scene of yang and blake making up almost immediately with a “oh everyone will feel better about it soon :)” BRUH SHE GUILTY BOUT YOUR FUCKIN ARM BITCH CUT BACK TO REALITY DAMN the running away part is sincerely legitimate but also??? blake should be a/ more anxious than that and b/ be more worried about???? yang’s arm??????? for real m8

---

“dont let anyone else die” a/ assumes the bodyguard trying to defend the train literally died and b/ also really fell flat? as a line? get something better...????

genuine dislike for the tactic of qrow fights the Big Boss and everyone gets a handful of weaklings; to stall? possible. but also just feels like a bad tactic overall? also their animations always look like they’re doing an rpg battle; one ability used + animation! then return to original position. that’s a big fallacy of fighting monty oum style and i genuinely hope they recognize it soon

“YOU’RE ATTRACTING THE GRIM TO THE PASSENGERS” ??? i get the part where leading them to the back of the train may help (having them all divided in sections [grim + hunters, passengers, front of train respectively] may help but how does automation attract grim again? like, turrets shooting at them would do so if they’re in range, and they all came from the back so they’d move along towards the middle, but also they wouldn’t continue moving forward? i guess? what im saying is they should really just be around jnxr + oscar instead of way forward in front

when the bodyguard tried to get into the train and barely made it, that SNAP sound was just. raw. i felt that. good! i was very scared/horrified/eager to see if they’d literally break off his arm and he’d just be lying there in a pool of blood or something in shock. he didnt because of aura and i don’t know what to say because a/ it definitely wouldn’t be a bruise and b/ if he had aura and was in the bodyguarding business, wouldn’t he also have a proper semblance to fight off grim most likely? and he aint using it so why he so confident for dlc earlier the heck

bumblebee looks back to the carriage and one lady’s just with her baby like a cheap heartstrings tug

“WHY WON’T YOU TELL US THAT” yang’s line here assumes that they’ve asked about it before and ozpin/oscar refused to answer. i disagree? i think it works better with “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US THAT?” because it definitely was a factor they’d all have to take into account with regards to travelling w/ it in the first place. which they are. tbh yang (and jaune in the op) has every right to be mad at him real talk but also change that line please it bothered me so much

---

blake sees the hooded adam figure and honestly idk what kind of omen that is but it feels/looks weird. another no context scene i guess. tbh id take that one out of this episode entirely and shuffle it next episode probably. (and put the adam ruins everything scene at the back of the episode)

grim stop chasing because tunnel. and then they chase the train through the tunnel really slowly? feels weird but okay i fuckin guess; these are just the things im willing to pass on

ren and jaune look at each other like “lets do it” but why does ren? look up? like there’s no extra effects there, its not visible that he’s trying really hard to extend his semblance out. no cool semblance-using eye powers there. it feels kinda cheap for him to do that w/o any additional highlights that he’s activating his aura? also creepy

OH THERE’S THAT SCENE. yang starts off the Big Fight Montage with grabbing the grimm by its horns and then flips it around. cool move! then she promptly punches it up and closes her eyes. what? tbh that was ridiculously weak after a stupid good setup. budget aside i’d say there was an opportunity for a focused choreograph there; instead of a punch up, use a bullet fire up, keeping the enemy’s front half up in the air for a longer period of time. run under, punch/kick the underbelly, bounce off to the side, bullet fire off the side of the train. 

blake cutting off the tail was a good move. rt studios deciding to change shots when the enemy has the same pose, so that we cut to ruby fighting the same kind of grimm is not. it breaks clarity for the viewers, that’s not how matching cuts should work tbh

these big grimm dying in a couple of hits are also just? kinda weak-feeling. like these characters got stronger from rpg levels, but not from actual combat training and learning to outsmart your enemies, or upgrading your weapons. feels cheap.

ruby bouncing around in attempt to kill these grim is kinda cute? which may be what they were trying to do? but also not well choreographed i guess. it doesn’t flow too well, just bounces in seperate spikes.

when weiss redirects the flying grimm to ruby, it feels like its? not clear what she did. was it a semblance/shield? colour that blue, we know she uses white but white on white doesn’t work out well. ruby’s scythe sinking into the grimm also doesn’t work great because you get confusion when the shot is supposed to show it sink into the grimm, but you cant see the scythe blade sink into it. like you could only get it from context after watching it that she sent the grimm flying by doing the above, but dont recognize the action in the moment.

callout post to yang and blake fuckin shooting at nothing when there’s a clear path/shot to ruby and qrow’s big monster.

fireball just kinda looked cheap. there wasn’t a long breathy build up, and the fireball just feels way too fast (camera or distance?); reasonable that qrow would be hit by it, but cheap-feeling in the sense that it shouldn’t have happened/it felt unfair, that it happened. he should’ve gotten knocked on his ass by power/strength and being caught off guard, and it felt like more like “oh no he got knocked down! D:”

HHHHHH WEISS ICE SKATES TO THE GRIM BUT ITS NOT LIKE YOU PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE SOMETHING ELSE CALLS FOR IT AND THEN SHE LEAPS UP TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE GRIM. SHE’S WHITE, THE BACKGROUND IS WHITE, YOU LOSE SIGHT OF HER, I LEGIT THOUGHT SHE VANISHED BEHIND THE GRIMM BUT IT WOULDNT MAKE SENSE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. IN THE NEXT SHOT YOU MAY SEE HER AT THE LEFT BUT HER SEMBLANCE IS BLACK TO MAKE HER STAND OUT MORE BUT THEY DIDNT DO THAT FOR THE PREVIOUS SHOT WHY????????

“YANG!” yang promptly bounces off a grimm that isnt shown to have hurt or is dead from the fight and runs off to the bigger grimm as called. understandable, but the other grimm? is just? there? not dead? not doing anything???

also the we need to ground it idea feels really cheap? the grimm isn’t a problem because of its wings, it’s a problem because it’s being dealt with by one (1) person who decides it’s best fighting it on one (1) front vs two on a train. there’s so many ways to tackle this guy! we know qrow’s capable of jumping onto it, but all he’s doing is that, instead of moving to the other side and maybe catching it off guard?????? qrow, fight fucking better.

s/o to qrow/ruby pulling off a move together, cute but also they should’ve been slicing it at different points of the grimm, because they would’ve just died right away if they both went on the same plane? or anywhere near each other? weapons are fucking dangerous we remember right?

GRIMM LAUNCHES A FIREBALL AND IT GOES ON AN UPWARDS TRAJECTORY. IT DOESNT AND INSTEAD GOES IN AN ARC WHEN IT NEVER NEEDED TO. HERE’S HOW YOU COULD DERAIL THE TRAIN. FIREBALL, MOUNTAIN, AVALANCHE/ROCKSLIDE, TRAIN DESTRUCTION. OLD GRANDMA THAT STUMBLES OUT OF THAT/APPEARS BEHIND THE TEAM AFTERWARDS IS MORE IMPRESSIVE FOR HAVING ADAPTED TO THAT FROM INSIDE THE TRAIN THAN TO JUST SIT THERE AND POP OUT LATER LIKE xD lmao wassup yall?

---

yeah thats it and here’d be the adam ruins everything scene right before the opening but we cant get what we want so w/e

#rwde

[beatconductor-blog]

😎 : hey whenever youre back please let me know 😎 : im sorry

TG: hey TG: sorry i worried you dude i just TG: ugh whatever i dont have to explain you get it

😎 : yeah 😎 : how are you

TG: okay TG: i think TG: okayer than i thought id be

😎 : really 😎 : uh 😎 : how did it go 😎 : if you wanna talk about it at all 😎 : sorry that i couldnt stop him

TG: ...ipunched him

😎 : dope 😎 : uh 😎 : did he too 😎 : if he did hes gonna pay for it

TG: ...he was going to TG: droog stopped him

😎 : fuck 😎 : good

TG: ...i got TG: real mad TG: didnt expect that

😎 : i mean thats totes fair 😎 : also good for you 😎 : im proud

TG: but when he was apologizing and he fucking TG: said the shit he did was 'unchill' TG: i kinda TG: lost it

😎 : unchill 😎 : wow

TG: yeah just TG: fucker TG: i dont TG: i dont fucking know what to think

😎 : cant blame you

TG: i guess hes legit trying TG: but that just TG: aint good enough

😎 : most importantly too late

TG: it TG: yeah TG: im...for the record i dont blame you TG: but just the fact that he never fucking made this effort for me when i was ykno with him TG: no he had to think im fucking dead and try for the next dave instead TG: its TG: fuck him

😎 : i mean 😎 : youre right

TG: i was so scared hes gonna fucking TG: hurt me TG: and he was going to TG: and im just TG: so fucking mad now

😎 : yanno 😎 : i was scared of that too

TG: the fuck does that say about him then

😎 : a lot

TG: couldnt even tell me what he wants from me

😎 : closure 😎 : is what he told me

TG: just had to get his bullshit apology out i guess TG: well fuck your closure TG: what about my fucking feelings you piece of shit

😎 : thats what i told him 😎 : but that dickward just cant listen

TG: course not TG: we just dont know shit right TG: just fuckin stupid babies not like we didnt have to deal with his psyho bullshit for way too long

😎 : right

TG: UGH TG: worst of all TG: i always TG: always wanted this TG: always wanted him to change TG: be a good fucking bro TG: there was..there was glimpses of that there between all the shit you know TG: but its just not good enough TG: its not enough to contact me after 13 fucking years to get your fucking closure if you cant even tell me if you want me in your life or not

😎 : this whole shit sucks

TG: i feel like im too harsh like im supposed to be swayed just by him trying TG: but all the shit he did its not

😎 : nah man 😎 : nah 😎 : you did fine

TG: it s not just fucking GONE TG: even if he didnt fucking sell me TG: whos the one who got us into debt and involved with the felt in the first fucking place TG: not me because i was fucking 12 at the time

😎 : yeah 😎 : its just obviously easier to blame anyone else

TG: ugh i TG: i thinkni still want to give him a chance but this is TG: fucking bullshit

😎 : sure is 😎 : oh btw i think i should mention 😎 : i kinda slipped that were well 😎 : dating 😎 : not like its not totes obvious anyway but yeah just a heads up

TG: stupid

😎 : man the face he pulled

TG: he can go fuck himself if he has a problem with it

😎 : damn right

TG: if you wanna judge us for trying to be fucking happy for once you can just fuck off to earth again

😎 : right

TG: ugh

😎 : hey you know what 😎 : i love you 😎 : im glad youre alright 😎 : as alright as can be

TG: i love you too TG: so..fucking much TG: so much its kinda real gay but i cant stop

😎 : damn 😎 : same man

TG: i just want to be happy with you TG: im not gonna let him ruin that

😎 : thats the spirit

TG: im not going to let him ruin me not again

😎 : good

TG: im sick and tired of being miserable

😎 : of course 😎 : we can be better than

TG: lets be the gayest and happiest we can be TG just to fucking spite him TG: well also to be ykno..happy TG: mein schnuffi

😎 : god 😎 : just for u yes

TG: ich liebe dich mausibär

😎 : aaaaand im gone

TG: no come back

😎 : suddenly i cant read

TG: B( TG: schatzi?

😎 : god and here i thought youd love me why do you torture me like that

TG: i like schnuffi

😎 : i like you but that doesnt mean i have to tolerate this shit

TG: fine TG: mein vögelchen

😎 : youre terrible 😎 : guess i can live with that one

TG: meine kleine albino krähe?

> Oh god. This is stupid. Fuck, don't blush about this. 😎 : yeah alright

> Meanwhile you hrin like an idiot at your screen. TG: i like that one

😎 : of course you do

#logs #just two bros being pissed and gay

[kanaiicun]

You can Ignore this :)

Okay so I'm just gonna write down everything that is currently swamping my mind right now to just help me get out of this stupid anxiety attack. Nothing I write will be in anger towards anyone or anything. I just need to decompress.

There are so many things I need closure on from some people. Why'd one person ignore me for a year, even when I attempted day after day to make things better? Why'd another think it would be okay for them to just manipulate my relationship with my best friend then expect me to be okay with them after she and I almost didn't make up? WHY DOES MY GOV TEACHER THINK I AM CAPABLE OF REMEMBERING A CRAP TON OF PEOPLE AND THEIR JOBS IN CONGRESS RIGHT NOW?????

Why do couples feel the need to tell the other person their whereabouts at all times? Like you aren't living together and let's be real it's a high school relationship. You probably won't last past the first semester of college so why even bother in the first place? If you were married and had kids and lived together that would make sense but like give each other some breathing room.

Relationships: when it is acceptable to stalk and be stalked.

Okay so I like someone and WHAT DO??? I wanna wait til college to try a relationship but like agh this guy is so great, but it wouldn't last. But this guy is sooo great. NO. WAIT TIL COLLEGE. I don't wanna. Help?!??

WHY. CANT. PEOPLE. BE. RESPONSIBLE. AND JUST. DO. WHAT. THEY. SAID. THEY. WOULD. DO?!?!!!!

I've had to pick up this persons slack for the past year and a half and I'm like dude just freaking quit already. You think you are much better at this than you are and your douchy ways are really hindering everyone else. Agh.

GOVERNMENT CLASS. AGAIN.

Everyone is bitching about my English class being "a waste of time" but it's the only class I look foreword to and I've actually gained something out of it.

I stg the next time someone is like "we never fucking do anything in here I'm wasting my time" WHILST WE ARE IN CLASS MIND YOU, imma throw something. Like I'm sorry that your FIVE STUDYHALLS apparently aren't a waste of time?? You don't complain about that but when our teacher teaches us [how to succeed in business without really trying] (musical reference) you're like Oh FuCK wHY aM I iN hERe tHis Is SuCH a WaSte oF mY tImE. Like BITCH. She doesn't have to teach us about resumes and cover letters and eventually taxes and stuff. SHE IS DOING THAT SO WE WILL BE PREPARED FOR LIFE. not just prepared for college but for LIFE as well. "I don't need to know how to write creatively" so what?! It's still helpful to your writing and comprehension skills. You. Are. Going. To. College. To. Learn. How. To. Do. This. Stuff. Chill the fuck out. You know how to fucking write. You took 3 years worth of collegiate level writing courses. This is just not an essay for once in your life. Stop bitching about our teacher you little cunt. You want her job? Do you want to be teaching this class for us because you will NEVER be able to teach this to anyone as well as she is. So fuck you for not giving our teacher the credit she deserves you piece of shit student. (I don't really mean that I'm just agh right now so take all of this with a grain of salt).

I really want to sit with my best friend on the bus to Disney but our director likely won't let me because I am sexually a boy (lol um hey bitch I'm n/b and GAY. SHES ALSO PRETTY GAY).

Also, to the two of you who told me you won't even try to use the correct pronouns for me, that fucking hurt. A lot. It wasn't funny. It's just rude and literally not asking much of you at all. JUST USE THEY THEM AND THEIR. like I think about you two just laughing and being like "lol sorry I'm probably never gonna call you non-binary. Like you can introduce yourself however you want to in college but not here." Fuck you. That was such a horrible thing to say to me. That hurts me so much. I at least have two friends who are trying to use the correct pronouns. And to you two, Nat and Leah, I am so appreciative of you. But to the other two of you, don't expect me to be friends with you in college. Because to you, I apparently can't be non-binary because YOU ARE TOO FUCKING LAZY TO SWITCH OUT A FUCKING PRONOUN. you are literally such assholes. I love you both but how about you swallow your pride and actually care to think about someone besides yourself? It's ONE FUCKING PRONOUN. don't be a lazy douche. You are both being lazy douches about this and fuck you. (That's not me being agh. I'm seriously so hurt by you both and I mean what I said to you).

The United States.

Just why.

Like why are y'all proud of this country? The only good that has come out of it are doctors, music, and Hollywood. In terms of human relations since I've been alive, The Us has really fucked over a lot of people.

Where is the free education?

The free health care?

AAAAANNND YOU. WHERE THE HELL DO WE STAND? SOMEDAYS YOU IGNORE ME AND OTHERS YOU ARE ALL CHIPPER. WHICH IS IT??

Thank you for your time. My heart rate is still up but I'm breathing normally now at least so yay for that??

[archivesdiveronarpg]

Congratulations, NAY! You’ve been accepted for the role of VOLUMNIA (with a faceclaim change to Eva Green). Nay, your application was such a joy to read - every line further solidified why you’re so perfect for the role of Volumnia and how much you just get her. You nailed her mannerisms and her voice in the interview, but your para sample astounded us was where we were completely floored. It’s such a simple scene, Viv eating at her parents’ table alone, but the very premise of it speaks volumes about the Viv before and after the death of her parents and the development in between. We know she’s in good hands. Congratulations, Nay!  Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

                                                                             WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | nay.

Age | nineteen.

Preferred Pronouns | she / her.

Activity Level | well, right now, I’m going through a bunch of end-of-semester shit, so I would put myself as a solid 7/10 — meaning: replies every other day. my activity tends to be at its peak on the weekend, but summer always gives me time to kick it up a notch.

Timezone | GM+5.

In Character

Character | Volumnia; Vivianne Agnes Sloane; I’d love a FC change to Eva Green.

What drew you to this character? | I think how immediately I was drawn to Vivianne has everything to do with my truly horrible addiction to unfathomable, morally ambiguous characters that would be so easy to dislike if only they weren’t so easy to empathise with – and really, that’s just a sign of a well-written character, isn’t it? when it comes to Vivianne, I am totally hooked on the complexities of her character; how there is layer upon layer upon layer of all of these intricacies that knit together to create her, that make her the fierce woman that she is.

there is this juxtaposition of strength and softness with her, that makes her so appealing: the way that she is jagged like the serrated edges of a blade wielded unflinchingly, and still possesses softness reminiscent of a pool of melted wax. I really enjoy how Vivianne is no one thing?? I just really see her as a convolution of things; she is a one-woman performance, but every time the crimson velvet of the theatre curtains find themselves drawn, the audience ( and there is no doubt: there is always an audience, and Vivianne Sloane misses nothing and no one ) does not know just what they will be met with. on one hand, she rocks this magnificent woman-king aesthetic, the sort of bullet of a woman who reminds one of that one line in that quote that goes, “All gods who receive homage are cruel.” on the other, she is a woman who makes calculated decisions, who seems to represent the essence of simplicity, almost paradoxically, with the steady head to make choices that must be made. and what’s so incredible is that there is no one without the other. she is everything at once!!!! it all exists within her. isn’t that amazing?

Vivianne has this – really human story. she has a story, and a past, and it shapes who she is. but it, at the same time, does not dictate it. that’s one of my favourite parts about her. I love the way that ruthlessness and an inherent standard of fairness exists with her. how she is endlessly principled, and it doesn’t have to make her someone who is a likable person, but she is someone who is worthy of the position she holds with the Capulets. Vivianne earns everything that she has, because she has been on her own for a very, very long time. no one has ever really taken care of her, you know? she does that herself. and she takes care of others, and just because she does it in ways that are not outwardly tender does not make that protection she offers any less significant. I love how much she is capable of. and I really love how what cripples her is what she doesn’t let show – there are things; they are just too well-concealed to be used. Vivianne is someone who exercises such a precise amount of control, and it’s all because she learned how to exercise it at a very young age. it is her who chooses how wear it: she wears it like armour.

basically, I am a sucker for her backstory. and I just really wanted to be the one who writes the rest of it.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

H A U N T I N G | of course, probably totally unsurprisingly, what I really want to explore more than anything is Vivianne and Cyrus. I want them face to face, him in front of her with what she did to him in his eyes, and I want her to have to face it. Vivianne makes choices, and not a single one is made without thought and strategy and it is due to this that she stands by hers – but to leave him, abandon her own flesh and blood, who had no one in the world but her, is the hardest she has ever made. I want how Vivianne would react to that. would she regret it, when she must face that she happened to him as her parents happened to her? would she stand by this choice of hers, too? can they go back? how would they move forward? would her ruin come at his hands? would she try to strike back? i’m already flailing!!!!!!

F I S S U R  E S | sometimes, there are cracks in the cave wall that let light in. and in Vivianne’s world, that crack is for Juliana. and it is Juliana who is that light. Juliana that is a soft spot. no, Vivianne does not wear it, and let’s it lie concealed in the depths of her person, where all ofl the truest things about her lie. I want to see that; I want to see that tenderness that she could not give Cyrus blossom inside of Vivianne. I want to know what a heart like hers is like when it feels for another person. I want to see why Juliana, and not Cyrus. I want to see, more than anything, if she were to make a choice between the two – who would she choose then? would she be able to live with that choice?

B L A D E | Vivianne is a weapon in Cosimo’s arsenal who wields a lot of power. and she is in possession of it because she is capable. where she is, and what she is, is all something that she has earned – not in tears, but in sweat and blood, and the latter not always her own. I want to toy with Vivianne’s sway in the Capulets’ army. I want to play with the command she has. the differences between who she is at heart, and how that translates into her work. I want her to have to make a sacrifice that is hard for her to make. I want maybe for her to make a call that goes wrong, that makes her lose some of that respect and that power. I want something to challenge her, to catch her off-guard because it comes out of left-field. for her who appears indestructible to perhaps have to show that she is, in fact, no such thing.

In Depth

What is your favorite place in Verona?

The quirked corner of her mouth is a caustic thing, disappearing just as quickly as it appeared, in the span of a fleeting moment. It parted to exhale a plume of smoke, and let the words be lost in it: “The empty ones,” Vivianne answered. The words were dry; there was no humour to be found, though. It was the truth. The basement of the Cathedral was where she would choose to go. In its cold draftiness of a place of holiness, she chooses to sit now and again – by herself, with the sins she chooses to make humming where they are tucked behind the hard shell of her breastbone.

Aloud, she said, “To prefer a place over all others requires an attachment of sentiment, and to no end –” another drag; an unflinching gaze, “– for buildings were so easy to crumble, so why bother to expend sentiment on that which could give nothing back? And on another note, it is not the place that matters, but the view.”

What does your typical day look like?

Vivianne’s lashes lowered and rose once more, the dark fan of them as apathetic in motion as it was languid. “Typical?” At once, it was a question, but not. “I don’t care for that word.” She answered the question of it herself. How did she spend her days? As she had lived most of her adult life: doing what it was that she needed to. She woke at first light, if not earlier; she bathed, with water cold, and rousing from the hallowed depths of her mind; she ate breakfast, in the kitchen, standing, and never at a table; and then she did her job. And she did it impeccably. And there was nothing that was fucking typical when it came to her job.

Would she offer this to another? It mattered not if it would give nothing away that could harm her in any manner; she did not care to answer it, any more than she cared for that word. She turned her face away, offering no more.

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

War was – an unholy thing. There was too much blood spilled, too little room for clemency, for it to be any other way. Perhaps that was why Vivianne found herself so well-suited for it. After all, had she not always had so many sins to beg forgiveness for? She uttered no apologies now. The slant of her mouth was as cruel as her gaze was cold; in that moment, she could have shown the asker of the question what she thought of it. A blade in the name of Capulet drawn, and any blood spilled for that name the crimson that she would bear, drying on those ruthless palms. How many lives had those hands taken? Many. But Alvise’s was not one of them. The woman’s chin canted, sharp as the words that came for her mouth: “It is a necessary thing, brought to our door, and to be won.” There was no room for arguments, and were that not the case, there raged a darkness that lurked beneath the waxiness of Vivianne’s flesh that would terrify the urge right out of them. She looked like the monster she was. And she did not forget: It was Cosimo Capulet’s hand that fed her. “There is no Helen to wage a war for; this is about honour. And for that, I would do what I must.“ Honour, she understood.

In-Character Para Sample:

TITLE: closure;

Utensils clanked against the plate in the quiet of the room, the sound of it obscene in more ways than one. Vivianne almost smiled into her sip of the glass of brandy, that she had filled to the brim, poured straight from a bottle that her father had kept locked in his study; the one room in the house that no one, not even his wife, was allowed to stroll into. She did not like the taste of it, thinking that it did not mix well with the taste of the stew – but the burn was satisfactory, at least. Fitting, for the occasion.

The dining-room was quiet, for the first time since she had been sat at the wooden, lace-tablecloth-laden table that took up the majority of the space in it. Real quiet; not the sort that was claimed as such, unjustly, so constantly ( and ironically ) intruded-upon it found itself by the incessant insistence of need for it. And the reason for it was simple: for the first time since she had been sat at this very table, Vivianne Sloane ate completely alone. Moreover, she dared to do it, sitting at the head of the table where her father had once sat, and her gaze remained, as it had done from the very moment her rear had settled into the chair with its velvet cushion at the seat, stuck on the one where sheusually sat.

This was not an experiment with sentimentality – not really. And there was nothing here, were she capable of it, to be nostalgic about. It was at once terribly simple, and nothing of the sort. The face was this: Vivianne sat at her father’s place, which would never again be his place, for the dead belonged in the ground, and she did it for the principal of the thing. Her actions were free of the burden of the shame that belonged in this room. They were not ones born of something as thoroughly useless and irritating as vengeance through sheer pettiness; she was not sure it was vengeance at all. Rather, it was something else entirely. It didn’t feel particularly important to identify what it was that her actions were demonstrative of. It was the necessity felt for it to be done, then, that took precedence.

      Those who did not know her parents, but cared to say so anyway, for death was a tricky thing that tended to bring out a fear of mortality in people, and that made them do foolish things – well, such had been the case at the funeral ceremony that morning. For that, tears had rolled down pale cheeks, staining the flesh momentarily, unlike the scars that they’re words had left on her innards with every syllable that had dug into her over the years. That had gouged tenderness from her, mostly in this very room. It was Vivianne who knew them; their sinful daughter, to whom they had known themselves with clarity that she had never asked for. Was she to be grateful for that? She did not know. But all the same, it was through this that she bid them farewell.

                                      God fucking bless them.

Her features did not contort to betray her emotions, as they were not accustomed to doing so. It was clad in a passive mask of indifference that she wore, merely surveyed from the other side of the fence she had always been on – and truthfully, it was not one that felt affected. Whether she had been wearing it as armour for so long that it had made a home of her, it could be. Vivianne did not question it, either way.

She chewed her meat, and more of it than she would have been allowed to, for stout girls were not particularly marriageable. Took in wretched mouthfuls of her father’s brandy. And God, ( andyes, she would take the lord’s name in vain ) Vivianne revelled in it. She revelled in all that she did, that she was not supposed to do – and in the moment of it, just as it felt right to do, the girl opened the box in the corner of her mind, and she scooped out the memories and looked at them, recognised them as one did the reflection in the mirror. Her hands stayed steady. Her expression unfeeling.

             The Lord does not approve of cruel little girls.

             The words sat heavily at the base of her skull. The pressure of it insisting, as it always did, as the burden of shame must do, telling her to bow her head down to it. Go pliant. Beg for forgiveness – for forgiveness that would not come. That never had. That they could not tell her to beg for any longer.

              Vivianne wouldn’t.

              Instead, she straightened the curve of her spine, refusing to hunch. Lifted her chin, defiant. And she drowned those words with another gulp of the drink, swilling it inside of her mouth before she swallowed it. Another sin. One that was a sin if she committed it, but not them. When there was no more food left in her plate, she crossed the knife and fork, one atop another, in the middle of it. She scooted the chair back, letting it drag noisily against the floor. Stood up, and turned away from the seat she would never put herself in again. Turned away, and left the room.

Lights on. Ghosts festering.

Extras:

HEADCANONS.

ONE: The only makeup that Vivianne wears every day is eye-makeup; a slash of kohl on the rims of her eyes, and a slash of eyeliner. Lipstick is reserved for special occasions – it is not a part of her regular look.

TWO: Similarly, her clothes tend to lurk on the simple side of things, as well. When it comes to colour, Vivianne enjoys a lack of it – more than anything else, she tends to dress in white. The ivory of saints, for the woman with the heart of darkness. Her wardrobe is dictated not by her preferences, however, but rather by whatever allows her to blend easily into her surroundings.

THREE: Though it is not that Vivianne does not drink at all, so much as the case remains that she chooses not to do so around people. When she is out and about, she prefers to be in full-possession of her mental faculties, aware that there is responsibility to be taken and control to be kept hold of, and she is not likely to tamper with the level of her control for the sake of something as preposterous as a stupor.However, on a similar note, her agreeing to drink with someone is a show of trust – and trust is not a thing Vivianne Sloane gives out freely. It is with Cosimo, at least, that she allows herself a drink now and again.

FOUR: When she finds herself unable to sleep, Vivianne shows a great liking for hot chocolate. She makes it well, and it is perhaps one of the only sweet things that she can tolerate, not possessing much of a sweet-tooth to begin with.

FIVE: She smokes too much. Almost constantly.

#accepted #accepted: volumnia

[rndomdragon]

Chocolate Bunnies -part 3 of 4

(Ao3 -> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10634205/chapters/23601789) - "Darlin, wake up. Happy Easter." McCree placed a kiss on top of Hanzo's head, only to have his own head smacked away. "Ow! What was that for?" "Go back to sleep, McCree. It's our day off." Hanzo turned around, hogging all the blankets to himself on their shared bed. "That ain't nice. Well I'm going out. Reyes probably got some wild party going on." He got up and shuffled to the washroom, giving his scruffy beard a mini trim then pulling a shirt over his head and put some pants on. He took one one step out the door and- bam! He was hit in the face with confetti. "What in the world?" A piece of paper hung from an exploded canister above his head that read: "Come to the recreational room for the egg hunt! Happy Easter! -the little shits." His best guess was that the canister was rigged to shoot confetti at him when the door opened. "Hey Hanzo, you might want to come see this. Genji's probably involved in this." - "Bastion, my friend," Zenyatta called to the other omnic. "I just received word from Genji that there is a party that we were invited to. Let us go." "01000001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110011 01110101 01110010 01100101 00111111?" "Yes of course I am. Genji would never put either of us in harm's way." He headed toward the door of their shared room and turned the door handle. "Come on." "01001110 01101111," Bastion beeped frantically. "00100000 01110111 01100001 01110100 01100011 01101000 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100!" "Nonsense." Zenyatta pushed the door open with Bastion beeping warnings behind him. Confetti showered down upon him. "Ah, what a pleasant surprise! No fear Bastion. This is not ment to harm us." "01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00111111?" The other omnic pointed to a piece of paper hanging from the ceiling. "It reads 'Come to the recreational room for the egg hunt! Happy Easter!' It sounds fun." "01001001 00100000 01000001 01001101 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101." "Of course. After you." - "Hm." Reinhardt looked over at Ana, who was frowning in thought at the tablet in her hands. "Is something the matter?" "No. Nothing's wrong." Ana looked up at him with a strange look in her eye. "Fareeha just told me that there's something dangerous outside our room. I'm going to check it out." "What? No!" Reinhardt got to his feet, puffing his chest out proudly. "Allow me!" He marched over to their extra large door and swung it open with full force. Nothing was there. He looked around confused, until he heard the multiple pops going off, followed by a shower of confetti raining down on his head. "What is this?" He looked back at Ana who was trying to cover her smile with a hand. "It looks like we are invited to a party." She pointed to the note hanging from the door. He looked at her, dumbstruck as she flipped over her tablet, showing the message from Fareeha that read: "I've got something out the door that will scare our big lion." - //chatroom.private server 33.43. connection secure\\ [[Opening: 8:46am]] rabbit: set ups done in the rec room rabbit: what about the hunt sonic: yes ;) dr.eggman: ive tagged most of the eggs locations dr.eggman: wtf is my name? rabbit: lol [\\ dr.eggman changed their name to Sombra //] Sombra: why the fuck does everyone have a code name? rabbit: it might not be safe rabbit: u know hackers and stuff Sombra: dude Sombra: r u still salty? froggy: GUYS froggy: no fighting pls sparrow: get to positions sparrow: i need help with package Sombra: wtf is package edgelord: im coming. edgelord: if u damage it ill kill u. Sombra: and why isnt everyones name capped? rabbit: u would know if u payed attention sparrow: GUYS THEY R HERE sparrow: WHREE IS EVERYONE Sombra: just go urself sparrow: i sparrow: i cant sonic: why not?? XD sparrow: pls lena sparrow: dont do this sonic: no Sombra: ? bird: Don't worry. Angela and I are here. angel: We'll stall for time. sonic: wait for me sonic: ill b there [[Closure: 8:52am]] - McCree walked into the recreational room, not knowing what to expect. He knew for sure that Reyes wouldn't have missed an opportunity to help with the party, but when he stepped into the room, he was shocked. Usually Reyes would go over the top, hanging a huge inflatable ballon on the ceiling, or covering the lights with some kind of film to make the room all red. But everything looked normal. Everything was normal. Streamers hung off the ceiling, tables were covered with table cloth. Food was placed neatly in rows, next to baskets that he assumed were for the egg hunt. Not a single thing looked out of place. That was what scared him the most. Or perhaps Reyes had changed. As Reaper, he probably didn't celebrate a lot of parties back in Talon. Maybe he had lost his edge. Very unlikely, though. He saw Soldier 76 looking around, his eyes scanning the ceiling and the floors, looking for anything that seemed out of place. Guess he didn't feel this was right either. Angela and Fareeha smiled at them from the centre of the room. Angela, as always, he couldn't read, but Fareeha had that look on her face. The one where something big was about to happen. It was unsettling. More people filled into the room, and he noticed that most of them seemed to be covered in confetti as well. Looks like he wasn't the only one who got special treatment. "Good morning!" Everyone looked around to see who had spoken. Tracer stood at the door, a pair of orange bunny ears shoved into her wind blown hair. "You all here for the Easter egg hunt, eh?" She walked to the table with the baskets. "Gather around. Angela here will explain the rules." "Okay, so, first things first. No weapons or explosives. This is a friendly competition." Junkrat whined in the background. Ever the diplomat, Angela was. Always looking out for other people, McCree thought. He wished more people were like her, himself included. He let her voice fade into the background as he bent down to look under the table. There must be something they were hiding. "Jesse," Hanzo spoke from behind him. "What are you doing?" "What?" He tried to get up too fast, bumping his head on the table. "Ow! I was just looking for something-" he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of Hanzo. "That I dropped." "Oh. Let me help." His boyfriend bent down as well, squatting down next to him. "Oh, no, no. It's okay, I found it." McCree quickly got up putting his hat back on his head. "Yeah, um- the Easter hunt thing? You wanna do it together?" "If you want to." "Great." McCree pulled his hat down to cover his red face. He was just being paranoid. Too many years living on the run. Just focus on the egg hunt. "We still need two more people in our team, then," Hanzo sighed, looking around the room. "What?" He looked at McCree, his face impassive. "Angela said the rules were that we are to be in teams of four to six. Were you not listening?" "Would ya be a darlin' and tell me them again?" Hanzo sighed. "We have five minutes to pick a team then an hour to find as many eggs as we can. No stealing from other teams and have fun." "Don't forget that the team with most eggs win," Zenyatta spoke from the side. There was an awkward pause between the two groups before the omnic spoke up again. "Bastion and I are two team members short. Could we perhaps join teams?" "That's a mighty fine idea." He looks over to Hanzo. "Is that okay with you, honey?" "Yes." "Great! Now we got ourselves a team!" McCree paused. "We're missing something… a team name!" Bastion raises their hand, looking between all of them. "01001000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100001 01100010 01101111 01110101 01110100 '01001110 01100001 01110100 01110101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01110101 01100100 01100100 01101001 01100101 01110011'?" "I think that is a wonderful name, Bastion," Zenyatta complements, nodding his head. "Are you two okay with that?" "Um… sure?" McCree stared back at them, dumbfounded. He looked at Hanzo but he just shrugged. "Alright, Nature Buddies, it is!" Zenyatta floated away to retrieve a basket. "Nature buddies? What, no!" McCree started after Zenyatta when Bastion stepped in front of him and let out an angry beep, their light turned red. "Okay, okay jeez. Nature buddies it is." - "Symmetra, will you be in a group with me?" She looked down at Mei, the shorter woman smiling hopefully at her. "Of course." She looked around at the other people getting together as a group. "We would still need two more people for our group to be complete." "Oh, Zarya there is alone. Maybe we should ask her!" Mei walked over to the Russian with a smile on her face. In a matter of seconds, the small Chinese woman came back holding the hand of a red-faced Zarya. "We would still need one more person." Symmetra frowned, looking around. Who else would join them? "Oi, girly! Lookin' for a group?" A loud voice with an Australian accent cut through the air, making her wince. "Me and Roady need one and ya look short a person." Symmetra opened her mouth to object, but Mei answered before her. "Of course! We would love to have you guys!" No. She wouldn't stand for this. How could they possibly work together? The junkers would just put her off balance. They looked so dirty and unclean. What if they accidentally brushed against her? The thought made her shiver. "I'll be my pleasure to work with you." The skinnier junker took her hand and kissed it. Her mouth fell open in shock, and he winked at her, moving away to retrieve a basket. It was utterly disgusting, the place where his lips made contact with her hand. Symmetra urged to wash it off or at least rub the spot with her hand. She was disgusted, yet, why were her cheeks flushed red? - //chatroom.private server 33.43. connection secure\\ [[Opening: 8:59am]] sonic: race about to start sonic: be ready to move sparrow: ok sparrow: reaps is here w me rabbit: dont screw this up genju rabbit: dont get seen sparrow: believe me I dont wanna Sombra: the trackers on the baskets r working Sombra: race started froggy: get movin [[Closure: 9:02am]] - "Found one!" Reinhardt smiled, picking a small pink plastic egg up in his hand. He turned back to the rest of the group, proudly placing it into the basket in Soldier 76's hands. He was so proud right up to the point where 'little' Fareeha and Angela came floating out of the sky, their arms filled with little multicoloured eggs. "We found some hidden in the cliff face." "That's my daughter," Ana beamed, smiling at the two woman. "Don't know about you two, but our victory looks quite assured to me with these two on our side." Soldier laughed and patted him on the back before stepping forward to collect the eggs from Fareeha and Angela. He met the younger Amari's eye, seeing the coy smile playing on her face. As Hana would say, game on. - "Where shall we go first?" McCree asked, scanning the outside of the building. "You think they put 'em on the roof?" "I'll go check." Hanzo started up the side of the building, swiftly moving up like a spider. "Hanzo! Wait up!" McCree called, trying to find a purchase on the wall. How did he do this? Hanzo looked back down at him, amused. "Are you sure about that?" "Yeah. I used to climb trees taller than this base when I was younger! If you could do it, so can I." McCree gripped onto a pipe leading toward a water drain and shimmied upward, his knuckles turning white. He could feel Hanzo watching him from above and Zenyatta and Bastion watching him from below, but he ignored their stares, trying to gain height. "We'll look on the ground level," Zenyatta called from bellow, amusement clear in his voice. "You two have fun up there." "Sure!" He smiled and looked down at the two omnics, and that was when he realized how high he really was. "01000100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01100110 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100001!" Bastion beeped. The pipe he was holding onto seemed to be slippery and swaying with the wind. He got so dizzy, so high up. He felt his hand sweating and slipped, his cybernetic hand the only thing keeping him from plummeting to his death. "Jesse!" Hanzo's voice called him back to the present. He glanced up at him. "Look at me. Don't look down. You're half way there already." McCree swallowed nervously and gripped onto the pipe again, slowly inching his way up. It seemed like forever until he reached the edge of the roof, Hanzo's firm hand gripping onto his arm. He let himself be dragged onto the roof then lay there, panting. "Jesse?" Hanzo poked his side, concern laces into his voice. "I'm okay." McCree opened one eye and turned his head to look at him. "Did we at least get what we came here for?" "Yes." Hanzo held up one green egg in front of his face. "Great. All that for one little egg." He rolled over and smiled lazily at Hanzo. "I am never doing that ever again." "Oh, Jesse." Hanzo smiled cruelly at him. "We still have to go down." - //chatroom.private server 33.43. connection secure\\ [[Opening: 9:23am]] rabbit: check in guys sonic: so far so good angel: Jack is still suspicious of something happening. bird: Don't worry about it. We'll keep him unaware. sparrow: havent been spotted yet sparrow: but its slow going //whisper: edgelord: btw tracer. //whisper: sonic: ye? //whisper: edgelord: wtf did u make him wear? //whisper: edgelord: its bad. //whisper: sonic: i thought it suited him real nice :"( sparrow: well we still have lik 30min sparrow: so were good sonic: also winston isnt participating sonic: or widowmaker cuz sombra and reaps r not doing it with her angel: Torbjörn wants to do it himself. He quit our team. rabbit: sounds good rabbit: lucio u done the dj booth froggy: yep rabbit: okie rabbit: countin on yall [[Closure: 9:31]] - Despite their grubby appearance, the junkers were quite useful. They seemingly knew all the hiding places, nooks and crannies inside and around the base. When she questioned him, he merely replied, with a glint in his eye, that he had a lot of treasure to hide. "Gold," Junkrat told her. "I ain't just a wanted criminal for my good looks." He winked at her and sent her into a blushing mess. Symmetra walked alongside Mei and Zarya, the two quietly talking together. She had know for some time that the two were very close, but only now did she really feel the closeness between the them. The term she believed Hana would have used was 'third-wheeling'. She quickened her pace until she was in-step with Junkrat. "Hey there lil' Sheila." He grinned at her, showing his crooked teeth. "How ya doin' this fine day?" "What did you call me?" Symmetra frowned, not understanding the slang term he used. She didn't know if it was an insult or not. "Ah, nothin'. Just a nickname from my 'ol country." They continued to walk in a peaceful silence until she spoke up and interrupted, which was unusual for her to do. "Your home country? Where is that?" "Me? Oh, Roady and I both come from Australia, where the wild things grow!" He smiled at her again. "Ooh! Another egg!" He picked a blue one up, half hidden in a bush, and put it into the basket Roadhog was holding. "So where did ya come from? Some fancy palace up north where it snows all year long?" "India." Symmetra paused, not sure if she should go on. "The place I lived in did seem like a palace at the time, very different than the slums I lived in before Vishkar picked me up." Thinking about her past kicked up dreadful memories. Ones of doubt and fear of losing everything she ever had. Ones of betrayal towards the company that had literally raised her. She had long ago left the organization to join Overwatch, but looking back at her past always seemed to bring the worst things to the present. "Eh, we gonna win this egg thingy or what?" The junker seemed to notice her change in mood and tried to divert her thoughts. "'Cause I only came because there was gonna be a prize at the end, right Roady?" The larger man behind him let out a grunt. "And those two lovebirds ain't helpin' us one bit, so why don't ya summon yer teleportin' sorcery stuff and get a move on-" he paused- "please?" Symmetra smiled her appreciation at him and let out a quiet huff of laughter. "It isn't much sorcery, than it is science." She formed a teleporter in her mind, and wove it out with her hands, activating her cybernetic arm. "The path is open. Let us go." -

#Overwatch #happy easter #easter eggs #egg hunt #Symmetra #junkrat #symmetra x junkrat #mchanzo #pharmercy #Bastion #pharah #mercy #Zenyatta #anahardt #Ana #Amari #reinhardt #Hanzo #mccree #zaryamei #Zarya #mei #Siberian winter #many tags #roadhog #torbjorn #Sombra #tracer #Lucio #reaper

[eileenonstuff]

.

#imma b a lil emo rn #but why would i want a fucking reminder of you essentially dumping me for the second time in a month #why would i wanna be fucking sad like that #like i was starting to feel olay about it again but then yesterday fucking happened #and tou said what you said #and you cant take it back #and i cant take back saying no #so dont fucking apologize and then try to tell me that im okay #bc i can say im fine i can smile and nod and pretend everything it good n it doesnt hurt #but thats because im trying to spare you fucking feelings bc i know youre still dealinh with so much other bad shit #but honestly fucking take your pittiful ass sorry and ur shitty way of giving urself closure with something that you decided on your own #bc we didnt talk about what happened #you decided u fucked up n that i couldnt handle whatever you did #but you didnt!! i just didnt want what happened to happen there and thats what i shouldve said #but i didnt so now we have this shitstorn #and i know im going to be fine #but i just want you to be okay again too #bc you can say youre closing the door on me but that doesnt mean i dont still adore you #fuck

[inactive-mermaid-in-a-trash-can]

vent pls ignore

i miss him so much i wish he meant the things he said because it feels like he did at the time but it changed and he didnt say anything and i asked him i asked whats wrong are you mad because i could feel it i could feel something was wrong but i cant tell bc ive never even kissed a boy god knows this is the closest ive ever been to a fucking relationship by miles i dont understand him at all its like he was scared to be alone with me but missed me every damn day and i told him i was honest he deserved to know, someone as overwhelmingly more experienced, that i’ve never done anything like this before he knew that and he told me he fell in love with me when we met and i wasnt ready and i dont even think thats true anymore and he woke me up to tell me he was in love with me and two weeks later!! two  fucking  weeks he just wants a hookup and i want to give him the world what did i do he wont even tell me i tried i asked him and he ignored me for hours and didnt even give me an answer by the end of it school is awful i knew i had depression but this... i dont know how to handle this im crying right now out of the blue not because of stress not because i was yelled at but im just fuckign sad so overwhelmingly sad i can drown it out i cant escape it the ways i used to and im pretty sure i got anxiety now too i wake uop every morning scared that i have to go to school it doesnt end and i wont ever end i feel sufficated and i have the most free time now then i will ever again for the rest of life i dont know what to do it feels like im wasting my youth bc how rigioursous my courses are but idont want to drop them because I want to do well bc im capable im fucking capable but at what cost every day is stressful and i get home and take unhealthily long naps and then cant fall asleep until past midnight i dropped my friends but i picked a fight with the wrong people and i dont fw anyone in my classes i cant be there for my best friend and now theyre finding new friends like they do every year which i have literally never been able to do and hes going to parties and has MULITPLE GUYS INTO HIM but still gets to say he thinks hes unattractive and basically doing everything highschool thing i thought only happens in movies and i have no friends i do nothing outside of school the one guy whose ever liked me back realized i wasnt enough and i wasnt worth it and its unfair hes so attractive and he was crazy popular in highschool and by all means should have been comprehensive of whatever the fuck it is we had like he was older and crazy hot and ive been complemented on my looks my a stranger exactly one time by a stranger and i remember it vividly bc no one has ever called me cute but he called me cute and said i was beautiful and he loved me bc i like him for who he was but isnt it fucking ironic that he never cared about me like i know so much about him bc i CARED I FUCKING CARED AND I ASKED BECAUSE I WANTED TO KNOW I GENIUNELY WANTED TO KNOW HIM AS A PERSON and he never asked me a fucking thing. he never asked about what music I liked or the what I was studying in school or what I wanted to do after highschool. he never cared he never bothered to ask i shouldve known bc when he told me i said!! i said we dont know eachother!!! and he let his emotions get ahead of him and cant even let me have fucking closure... two weeks... what did i fucking do... he isnt a great guy i dont think a relationship w him would b all that great... but i miss his touch i miss the attention i miss jsut feeling fucking wanted its hard to love yourself when it feels like no one has ever liked you your entire life for a goddamn reason. i know im stubborn i know i have strong opinions i know i dont act like a girl i know i dont act like a boy i know i look funny i know im not pretty I KNOW. sure im cute from a distance i guess. I dont click with anyone im an art kid at heart but im not artsy any more i still dress emo and my music is just basic alternative im not into anything intresting at all. im not intresting. Im not worth it to anyone i dont know what im fighting so hard for. i need to keep my grades up because if i dont and i end up figuring things out in the end but i cant do it bc of my grades id hate myself for the rest of my life im just.. trying to keep my oppurtunities open... but i just.. wish it were easier. i might have to drop my courses and not do the diploma i wanted.. but i can do an entire year of this... im not even studying for my SATS or applying to colleges yet. i dont have the energy to hang out with the one friend i have and i dont have to time to draw or play ow i just. im not enjoying my life. im young and im fucking wasting it. i hate this. i just want to be happy. i just want to be happy. why am i sad. its been a month it isnt just him i didnt fail a test it isnt my grades im not stress crying it isnt homework my relationship with my parents is better then ever it isnt them. maybe it is him. or at least hugging him seems like it would make everything better. fuck it really is him haha. it isnt even really his fault. he cant help if his feelings changed. i guess he was scared too. i hate him i love him i hate him i love him. i miss him. god i dont even know what i want i dont even want him i want how he made me feel. loved wanted pretty attractive. i fucked up