#With this Heart I hold I was on my own {Cayla} | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

erikalovesss · 4 years

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New Blurb! (Excerpt)

Author’s note: Well.. not new. Just new to any viewers besides the two people that I’ve bothered for their opinions long enough. I know they’re sick of me 😭.... anyways it’s been a while since I posted any writing. I miss it and I’ve been feeling off. And that ask I got a while ago inspired me. So. Yeah. Here it is. Another random scene “blurb” from my story which has been newly titled, “The Chosen.”

It’s funny cause I’m posting this and you guys have zero context or any understanding of who these characters are and how they relate to each other. And why they’re normal but magical and .... It’s just so much. I hope I get the time... and a break after this surgery I have to have to get back in it and start over. But Idk it’s the end of the semester after all.

SCENE:

Cayla [Cameron + Nyla] Scene - “Being Different” 

Nyla let out a small breath of air and opened glassy eyes. She was alone in her room, back against the wall beside her bed frame. With trembling legs dangling off the edge of her bed, as she glares at the empty bed the opposite side of the room. Her fingers dig into the covers under her legs, palming desperately at the sheets for something grounding in the quiet room. Nyla tries desperately, to stop her body from shaking.

She couldn’t believe that they left her alone.

Upon feeling a whimper threatening to rise, the brunette growls at the air, masking it. Her wolf was jittery and on edge under her skin, mimicking her own distress. The sound of tapping along her window startle her and she glances quickly at the window, stance defensive, then slowly relaxed as she realizes a scrapping tree is making the sound. Goosebumps begin bubbling in her skin as she becomes aware of the cool air streaming through the window.

Nyla plants her feet along the ground and dashes to the window closing it swiftly. And then immediately regrets her decision, as she turns to find the empty room feels more confined than it did before. Nyla closes her eyes, leaving against the windowsill and forces herself to breathe, again.

She was fine. She had to be. She couldn’t not be fine.

Because if she wasn’t… Flashes of punctured flesh and torn clothing appear behind her eyelids. The ringing sound of a gunshot loud, deafening, thrumming against her temple. Then beats of silence follow, And then, screaming. And blood. So much blood. And trembling hands.

Nyla snaps her eyes back open and sits up. And presses the back of her hand to her mouth to hold back a wave of nausea.

The same hands that- Fuck!

She begins pacing at human speed across her floor, growling into the air. Her thoughts were running frantic as she paced quick enough across the carpet of her dorm to wear a hole in the space.

She cursed herself immediately for her train-of-thought and walked towards the door. She couldn’t stay here alone.

But as her hand curled around the door knob to open it she paused. Where would she go?

She thought back to Deigo. Her fingers tightened around the door knob. It was just so ...complicated. She just wanted it to not be...

She wanted...

She needed...

She froze.

Nyla’s stance straightened as her head raised and eyes widened with her realization. And she yanked her door open and she headed out of the room with a newfound determination.

She knew exactly what she needed.

***

Cameron raises his hands over his miniature paper craft creatures. Watched with narrowed eyes as the paper models of a dragon began to shift and his fingers began to tingle.

The tingling increased and swirls of blue swam down his hand in strings. He held his breath and raised up the tip of his index struggling to not break the energy tie, as he puppeteered them.

He desperately tried to contain his excitement as he watches them begin to animate.

Cameron’s jaw clenched as he forced the energy down his arm. He tried to concentrate, but as the blue wings began to flap and the green scales of his mini mermaid began to glimmer, his mind drifted to the thought of another pretty green thing. And before long flashes of vivid fiery emerald orbs glittered in his memory and he couldn’t help but sigh.

And, then yelp as pain took over.

He cursed as his tingling fingers began to burn and lit in blue hued flames and he shook his hand furiously to put out the magical fire. Fuck. Dammit.

Everytime he thought of her. Her dark brown curly hair. Her sexy little smirk. Her eyes that seemed to peel him open by just glancing him...

He closed his eyes and shook his head. He raised his hands again and started again with the energy transfer, watching as his blue strings of magic brought the creatures to life. Even then as they animated, he couldn’t stop thinking of Nyla.

After all that had happened the fact that he couldn’t get his mind off her was insane. He couldn’t even focus on his main Energy Control project.

Surely she didn’t want to be alone right now. Not after everything. Seeing her face after it happened. He didn’t want her ever looking that scared every again. He knew that with all his heart. He wanted to keep her safe. Protect her.

But they were so damn different. Where his idea of breaking the rules was practical jokes and fucking around in class, she was... all in. All the time, all she ever did was run head first into trouble and it killed him all of time. Wondering how the hell he’d live up to the life style she was use to. How he’d protect her. So aggressive and brutish in their animalistic nature. Fucking Martyrs. Wolves were so different. They were so different.

‘But so were his creatures.’

He stared down at the paper crafts on his desk and watched as the mermaid ran her fingers across the new glimmering spikes on the dragon. Watched as the baby creature practically purred and butted his head into sea creatures webbed tiny fingers cause her to titter.

If he could get them to co-exist, then he could win Nyla over. No matter what she said.

He straighten his spine, taking several calming anxious breaths in the mirror and prepared himself.

He could do this. He could convince her they could be together. Sure he could.

Before he could let his anxiety over take his will to try, he headed for the door ripping it open and slamming straight into a haze of frizzy dark brown almost-black hair and big green eyes. Nyla.

He stumbled to a stop and took a large step back in time to see the flustered cheeks and raised knuckle to knock of a Miss Nyla Romero. He couldn’t help the large smile that began to bloom on his face and he opens his mouth to speak,

“Nyla-!” “I was just-“

They spoke at the same time and they both fell silent, with rosy cheeks. The only difference between the two was Cameron’s shy grin that was only growing and the brunette embarrassed scowl that was also growing.

“You.. you were coming to see me?” Cameron finally said after seconds that felt like hours of silence.

“No.” Nyla answered quickly her nose scrunching revealing her obvious lie. She cursed herself as she felt the blush darkening and her face heating as the look on Cameron’s face turned amused.

“Liar.”

“Shut up.”

“Nyla, if you wanted to see me-“ Cameron began smirking. Which quickly fell as he watched Nyla turning on her heels, “I’m leaving!”

Shit.

“Shit shit shit.” Cameron panicked as he watched her begin to leave and he snapped his finger holding her in place. Realizing his mistake the moment he heard her threatening growl.

He let her go immediately and flinched when she turned back to look at him, the look on her face murderous.

“Nyla-“

“Did you just bewitch me in place? Me? You did that to me?” Nyla walked toward him menacingly and he stepped back into the door of his room. “Do I look like Reagan?”

“No!” Cameron wanted to punch himself in face. He couldn’t just pull that shit with Nyla. Him and Reagan had the type of relationship. The type where he could just pull her headfirst into trouble and he just knew she’d forgive him cause he knew she really wanted to actually live on the edge a bit and just needed a friendly shove.

But Nyla wasn’t Reagan. He couldn’t just ... force his hand on Nyla. He knew that. She’d jump right in all on her own.

“No, I don’t think you’re Reagan. I’m sorry I fucked up.” He stumbled in his room and gestured her inside, “Please just stay.”

He held his breathe preparing for her to tell him to fuck himself and letting out a heavy breath of relief when she nodded tersely and stepped inside, as he slowly closed the door beside her.

He stared at the door unable to turn around and fully acknowledge that the one of the most beautiful girls he’s ever seen was just standing in his room. His mind ran wild thinking of the possibility and he absolutely wanted to smash his skull against the wall.

“What’s this?” He heard Nyla say behind him and he turned to find Nyla leaning over his desk peering closely over his creatures. He pulled her back just fast enough to stop the dragon from blowing a baby bursting air of fire in her face.

Her eyes widened in shock.

The dragon was real?! She watched the small mermaid purse her lips at her and wave her little tail clearly frustrated with Nyla having set off the dragon. She turned back to look at the boy who’s hands still hadn’t removed themselves from her hips.

Just how powerful was this witch?

Cameron laughed sheepishly and pulled back when he realized he was awkwardly feeling up her sides. He rubbed his neck embarrassed and look to side, “Sorry those were just some paper crafts I made in my energy transfer class.”

Nyla’s eyes furrowed as she looked back the creatures on the table. “They seem very much alive for paper mâché.”

Cameron smiled nervously, but widely at her, “Yeah that’s the point of the class. To transfer energies from various levels of magic into different vessels. It’s pretty cool actually. It’s like being a puppet master. But with real living thing. Well after you animate them that is. It actually takes a lot of concentration and you have to focus all the energy in through your arms from your energy core? Think of it sort of like axon in your neurons, it appears in a blue light that sort of tickles and-“

He stops when he sees Nyla smirking at him and realize oh he’s doing that thing where he spits facts and information a mile a minute when he’s nervous.

“Sorry I’m rambling,” He whispered stopping. And she smirked whispering back, “Its kinda cute.”

His eyes widened in shock. Did she just-?

“What?”

She raised a mischievous brow at him that makes his stomach flutter and chest tighten and looks away at another area in the room, not answering his question. He heats up the moment he seems where she’s looking and sees her posturing from one leg to the other.

“Oh! Oh god! I’m a terrible host!” He quickly rushes to the bed, forgetting his own question as he hastily begins straightening it and grabbing the loose clothing still on it. Rolling it into a ball in his hands and shoving in into the hamper in his messy wardrobe which he quickly closes when he seems her watching him. He leans back on it casually ignoring the digging of the metal into his back.

“Nothing to see here! You can sit down actually! I am so sorry.” His lips twist to the side as shuffles embarrassed feeling like a child in front of her, when Nyla has yet to say a word apart from chuckling at him.

He’s surprised when she does walk towards his bed without complaint.

“Cameron relax,” She takes a seat on his now straightened bed and pats the comforter beside her. He rushes to it sitting immediately upon being asked and closed his eyes again think of how much he’s acting like a dog. He opens them to the sound of her giggling and he can’t even be bothered to be embarrassed when he seems the lightening in her jade colored eyes and her soft smile.

“You’re never boring, you know that?” Nyla peers at his for the corner of her eyes still laughing. “Now keep nerding out. Why did you pick a mermaid and dragon? Those are really random choices.”

Cameron laughs finally relaxing as Nyla begins to tease him back, “You want the truth,” he leans forward mysteriously watching as Nyla looks at him head on in anticipation. “I’m really good at Dragon Origami.” He whispered into her ear and doesn’t miss as she rolls her eyes, and tries to force a smile down.

“Cam.”

“Honestly!”

“Cameron!” Nyla laughs in disbelief, “C’mon. You’re a loser, but you’re not that much of a loser.”

“First of all I’m all sorts of loser,” He smiles as he watches her laugh again, wanting the be able to continue to make her look this happy and stressed free forever.

“Second, yeah. I guess you’re sort of right.” He looks at the creatures on the desk. “I don’t know I just, Dragons just represent courage. The chinese think they’re evil creatures but it’s a spiritual magic sense they’re just, strength and balance. People think mermaids are evil too and we don’t know much about them anymore, but there are tales of mermaids promising protection. And mermaids are just messengers for water. And in witch culture, water is... a form of life, and emotions. You know moon and the tides and all that.” He blushes thinking of how much of a nerd he must literally sound like. He continues anyways, cause as he sees her encouraging nod, “I don’t know I guess it’s just sort of cool to bring to life two creatures that are looked at as evil or scary, but really represent such pure things and just.. bring them together. I’m sorry! This is lame, I’m being lame.”

Ignoring him, Nyla stares at the creatures now with newfound eyes, “It is very cool actually.” She tilts her in thought, “But they’re so..” Nyla trails off staring at the creatures.

“Different? Yeah they are. But look at them. Opposites sort of just attract, you know. It’s kinda cool.” He looks at her seeing her already looking at him with unreadable eyes piercing eyes and a line of electricity runs through his core as he continued, “Maybe if we’d stop second guessing relationships cause of their differences, we’d get something really beautiful.”

He pauses for a second before continuing, “Like you.” Cameron smiling as he watches her roll her eyes, “Nice line Casanova.”

He watched her cheeks flush not for the first time that night since she’s come to him and he knows despite her snark what he’s said affected her. He looks as her eyes turn slightly sad and wry soon i. the next moment after a silence lulls the air and he’s reminded that she came looking to his door looking like that. Looking for him. Him.

Not Diego. Not Mackenzie or Reagan. Not even Xavier. She came to him.

He doesn’t want to mess this up.

“Angel,” He stops as she snorts at the pet name. “Why’d your come to see me?” He pauses thinking about his wording and tries again, “Not that I don’t love that you’re here. Is it... Is it what happened? Do you need..? Are you-?“

“I’m fine.” She says cutting him off looking away, but he’s already seen her eyes. Seen the wet vulnerability and his chest aches seeing that. He should’ve never listened to Xavier. Brother or Troop-Leader be damned, Nyla shouldn’t have been alone.

“Tell me the truth Nyla. You can always talk to me you know that.” She continued not to answer looking at her own shaking hands and he just knows. The mission.

He reached his hand out to touch her hesitantly. “Nye?”

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that?” She whispers standing, crossing her arms as if to protect herself.

She couldn’t fake toughness now. Nothing in the world would’ve made him believe it. Not after seeing the vulnerability in her eyes.

He slid hand along her hips to the empty belt loop of her black jeans. He drummed his fingers on her side while her stared up at her earnestly, and then she least expected it her tugged her down.

“Fuck!” Nyla yelps as she’s unexpectedly in his lap. She looks up shocked at a flustered, yet determined Cameron. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know, but I’m doing it,” He glares back at her. The look on Cameron’s always smiling face was one so incredibly amusing Nyla could help her shocked bark of laugher. “Okay thats totally fair,” She said staring at his chest. Her small smile slowly died when she looked up to see his still serious mocha eyes peering at her.

She sighed taking his hands off her hips and toying with the tips of his fingers to avoid looking at him. His grip reversed in her palm and seriously grasped her hand to her attention.

“Nyla. What is it? What did you need?”

Her face was unreadable. To him, anyways. He didn’t think he’d ever know her as well as Diego did and the thought of that made his blood boil and pressure rise in his chest. He wanted to. He wanted to learn every inch of her inside and out. He didn’t want to guess what she was feeling, When she was feeling, he wanted to know. He sighed as she continued to stare down at his hand, not responding. He didn’t think he ever would though. Not from the way things were going.

She looked down at his hand and before he could pull away and apologize for being so forceful as of late, she did something that shocked him. She intertwined their fingers. He gasped as her fingers tightened in his and he brought his hand close to her lips. Not kissing them but putting them close enough that he could feel her softness brushing against his knuckles. His knuckles that were frozen in shock.

He continued to watch as ducked her head in a move so unlike her usual ballsy confidence, her hair blocking her eyes and pillowing her tinted cheeks as she mumbled, “I need you.”

She looked up at him this time with eyes swimming determinedly, looking like a shark ready to eat or challenge his prey, either one, if he said the wrong thing. She didn’t have to worry. He couldn’t seem to make himself speak. He couldn’t form anything anything right now his mouth dry and heart in his throat as beautiful, achingly beautiful green eyes stared him naked, yet again.

She spoke against, this time staring him head on and speaking too clearly for him to mistake what she said.

“I need you, Cameron.”

A/N: I know.. I know... CLIFF HANGER. Lmao not that it matters I don’t know how much any of you guys know what’s going on. But yes. One of my story possible couples had a moment. This is sorta... a very mid story scene. But it’s an integral part of the story that came to my mind that I just wrote. Anywhore, please much like the last one ... I wantttt people to tell me if they liked this. Comment to me and stuff. Private message me. Anon me. Or public message me. Just... idk this was a step I think? Lmao. To post this out there. Or atleast I hope it was. So thoughts? Hate? Love? Confused? Questions? I’m here!!!

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sqreviews · 5 years

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Catching Stars Review

“Catching Stars" by Cayla Keenan is one of my favorite indie fantasy novels that I have read. It has an expansive world that feels real and tangible, characters that you can identify with and root for, and a killer ending that opens itself for many theories and a possible sequel, although to my dismay I have not heard any news of one to be written.

Jayin Ijaad is in hiding. A witch with powerful abilities, she carves out a life for herself in the slums of Pavaal, a city rotting from the inside out. When an old acquaintance tracks her down, Jayin is dragged back into a world she tried to escape -- and is determined to escape again.

Maddix Kell is on the run. After two years in prison for crimes he did not commit, Maddix escapes and seeks out a legendary order of witchhunters who are his only chance to find justice.

But all is not as it seems and Maddix soon finds himself on the run from the people he sought as allies. When their paths collide, Jayin and Maddix must put aside their prejudices and forge an uneasy alliance that could crumble at any moment. But if they want to survive in Aestos -- a brutal kingdom where magic and corruption lie hand in hand and enemies lurk around every corner -- they must first survive each other. (Via Goodreads)

Keenan captures the reader's attention and holds fast as you read through- even the opening sentence immediately snatches your mind. "Maddix wasn't afraid of witches." Who is Maddix? Should he be afraid? Why isn't he? Throughout the prologue you can plainly see Maddix's contempt of witches and magic users, and also his need to prove himself- traits that run throughout most of the book and set up a rather lovely character arc for Maddix- not to mention the whole demonic possession and subsequent murder spree that follows the end of the prologue.

In the chapters from Jayin's point of view (and the whole novel), Keenan does a rather astounding job of fitting into her characters and making them feel real and tangible- from the very first page of Jayin's POV we can tell she has a certain swagger about her, not to mention a sort of rough confidence and heart of gold. I may be biased, as swaggering magic-wielding kick-butt ladies are by far one of my favorite character archetypes. The main plot of the story kicks off with Jayin coming face to face with a palace witch from her past with a job for her- to find the escaped murderer Maddix Kell. She calls Jayin by her street name of sorts- the "Gullwitch" and needs Jayin for her astounding magical talent in reading people and locating them.

Maddix ends up being picked up by witch hunters, and soon joins their ranks. Jayin then seeks a talented fire mage who loathes his powers and owes her a debt and they (over the course of a time) become quite close as they charter a ship together to escape from the palace witches, we find Jayin lowering her barriers and finding peace out on the open seas- that is until Maddix and the witch hunters attack the party as they reached the shore. Ending with the death of Jayin's friend, and his peace with his own magic in his final breaths. Jayin is captured, and a turn of events leads her to escape nearly dead with Maddix and he ends up binding the two's life together so that he can use her magic to clear his name.

I realize that I have been dragging on too long, and will leave the rest up to you if you finish this wonderfully twist-riddled tale. All in all Catching Stars has a rich and wonderfully understandable magic system, deeply satisfying character arcs, wonderfully written characters, both main and background and a plot that will keep you wrapped up in it tight and won't let you go. I will admit I first read this all in one sitting and didn't put it down (much to my sleep schedule's dismay, I might add) and I am anxiously awaiting a sequel so I can find resolution in the amazing twist of an ending Keenan constructed.

You can find this book on Amazon for less than 5 dollars and I would emphatically recommend doing it (especially with vacation season coming up!)

Remember, books were made to be loved (and so were you)

XOXO Nikki

#catching stars #Bookblr #book review #reviewblr #my reviews #fantasy #YA Book #indie book review

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chewbecky · 6 years

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New short story!

I had a writing assignment for Creative Writing and thought I would share with this lovely site.

The Lost Pleiad

The carriage rocked back and forth as we entered the grounds. I could hear the crashing waves from below the cliff’s edge, the bright and full moon hanging overhead in the clear night sky. Before us, the grand gates adorned with the family crest and white roses and violets opened to allow our entry. And as we passed through, a shock of overwhelming uncertainty and anxiety washed over me. This day was something I didn’t want to have to live but, for the sake of my family, it was necessary. I just had to rip off the bandage and deal with what was underneath.

I stroked my belly, caressing its round shape in comfort and protection as I thought about how my family would handle their beloved daughter and sister whom was nine months pregnant. I chose to not visit with my family; it was just too difficult to come to those terms. But soon, mother had called to me and begged for me to come home, regardless of what I had experienced outside of the family estate. So, I told her of my pregnancy and she was silent. And she spoke up once more. “Come home. Please. Your sisters miss you. I miss you. It’s been so long.”

“But…aren’t you-,”

“Just come home,” she confirmed and that was it. That was all it took for mother to convince me, despite how much trouble I was most likely going to be in. I felt the baby inside kick me and I held my large stomach, reassuring my nerves. I peered out the window as I lay focus on the lingering cliffside overlooking the dark sea beyond. The beats of ocean currents taking blows to the sides of the rocks and the salty air blanketing the land gave me recurring memories of my child years. All six of my sisters including myself established the cliffs as our playground. We all were each other’s security and a single unit. Until I left the estate. I wanted a life outside of this one.

As the carriage delved further onto the property, I began to see the main temple in clear view. Its grand columns of intricate design, flower arrangements, and attention to marble detail brought me back to the times where I wandered through each hall and each corridor as a child. We pulled up in front of the doors and then everything became still, besides my heart throbbing endless beats within me. In front of the temple were all six of my sisters: Maya, the oldest of us all, Ally, whom I remembered to be quite bossy, Aster, the quiet one, Cayla, the sister who always tried to prove herself of excellence, Tay, the sister with pure beauty, and Ella, whom was smarter than she looked.

I hesitated to open the car door. Instead, the driver walked around the vehicle to retrieve my luggage and to help me out. And once the door opened, my breath was caught in my throat. I watched as every one of their eyes widened at my larger figure. They couldn’t believe it. All their eyes never left my belly as I slid out of my seat, taking in shaky breaths. Soon, the driver pulled away from the estate and left us in an awkward silence that lasted for what felt like several minutes. I gave each of my sisters an attentive look and smiled which felt foolish to me.

“You all look so different.”

“Look who’s talking,” Ella giggled and stepped closer to me. The others followed in her stride and gave a small laugh as well.

“You look good for nine months,” chimed Tay.

“Its been too long!” cried Cayla who immediately hugged me, taking me off guard.

“You’re huge, Meredith!”

“Ally!” Maya bellowed.

“What?” Ally responded. “Anyway, you look lovely. Welcome home.” We hugged.

The girls crowded around me as we stepped into the temple’s large white doors.

“How was your trip? It must have been a long one,” Maya asked.

I shrugged. “It was fine I suppose. But the car’s seats weren’t all that supportive. It was like sitting against wooden planks.”

Tay touched my shoulder. “And I bet the melon of a belly didn’t help either?”

“That’s enough. All of you are like gnats! Dinner should be ready so all of you go the dining hall,” Maya demanded and watched as they sighed and walked away. A servant came nearby to take my bags and Maya apologized for the sudden burst of excitement from the others. “Its just…really great that you came home. Mother is very excited to see you.”

I smiled in return, reminding me of how it all used to be. The fun, the talks, the nights we stayed up and gazed at the ocean. How we always dreamed of understanding its mystery and what the waves were trying to tell us. Our temple was nestled on the cliff’s edge away from civilization and people. It was a solitary estate, designed for the family’s practices. My mother believed that greed and selfishness filled the minds of the people of this world and sought out to protect us from those impurities. I saw otherwise.

As we began to enter the grand dining hall, I felt my heart beat faster and faster against my rib cage. After 3 years, I was going to see my mother who countlessly tried to contact me for months on end and whom I ignored time and time again. I felt a pain of guilt because of it and here I was, in her house where she reigned. But I couldn’t allow myself to allow it. I am in control. I am in control.

“Meredith,” I heard the familiar voice call out to me from across the extended table. Behind the décor of white and pink roses nestled in luscious dining center pieces, my mother rose from her chair and sped walked over to me. Her eyes were watering as they met mine and glimpsed down at my belly for a split second. My blood ran cold as she embraced me in a gentle caress.

“Look at you!” she spoke. “You look so grown up and so mature. Please sit down. You must be tired. Over here next to me.” I followed her in nervous strides as I took the seat on her right. At the table was a spread of plates filled with steaks, vegetables from our garden, and assorted breads. Everything smelled like the home I grew up in for so long. I felt like I was a child again.

Once everyone sat down, I took the first bite of the savory steak and smiled. It tasted just how I remembered. Mother glanced over to me. “It seems like motherhood suits you. You’re glowing and in a good way.”

“Thank you, Mother.” I replied.

“I mean, you look better than I did when I was pregnant. Having all seven of you wasn’t an easy task,” she gave a light chuckle. “Speaking of, have you found out the sex of the baby?” She turned her tone into a pressing one as she leaned in a bit closer.

“No,” I began to eat slower, wary at where this conversation was headed. “We wanted to keep it a surprise.”

“We?” mother locked eyes with me. “He’s still sticking around?”

I glanced over to my sisters who were all strangely quiet, as if they were expecting something, anything, to happen. It put me on edge immediately because they usually were never like this. I focused back on mother who kept a close attention.

“Yes. Chris is still…around. He’s ready to be a father.” That made her chuckle, the sound rising from her chest. I took another bite of my food, waiting for her to elaborate on her burst of laughter.

“No one is really ready to be a parent. I wasn’t whenever when I had you girls and let me tell you,” she went on. “Raising you by myself was not an easy job. What with your father always working and holding everything on his shoulders.” She gazed at me intently. “What I’m trying to say, honey, is that parenthood is not what it cracks up to be. And you’re so young, you just have no idea.”

“I think we’ll be fine, mother. It’s a huge step for the both of us,” I smiled to her. “But we’re happy to start a family of our own.”

This made her silent. I waited for her to reply to me, to possible reassure me and support what I believed but she maintained a speculative expression on her face. Then something dropped like a massive weight falling on top me. A dizzying sensation overpowered me. The look on mother’s face became dark as my vision began to black out and I glanced to my sisters who all remained seated in their chairs. “Are you feeling alright, Meredith?” I heard Maya question. “You look pale.”

And instead of answering her question, my body turned slack and almost paralyzed. For a short second, I thought I had went into labor. I thought my baby was dying inside of me. I could barely keep me eyes open as I felt familiar hands lift me out of my seat and outside onto the terrace. The air was slightly chilly as the full moon above was high and glorious, a symbol of our family and close friends. I suddenly felt ashamed of myself. In the light of that lunar cycle, I felt like I had thrown everything that I had learned and practiced out the door to experiment with a different life. To experience something outside of what was appropriate in our family. I fell in love with someone on the outside and delved into the mindset of his kind. I had done something that was beyond my family’s code. For this, I wanted to cover myself and hide in utter shame. A pressure built up within me that made me cry, as if something was being taken from my body like a leg or an arm. I forced my eyes to look about and caught attention of my sisters dancing around me. Their movements were smooth and flowing as they performed a classic ritual. I could make out some of the familiar wordings as they became louder and louder. My heart raced, and I wanted to fight to stand up.

My sisters ran their fingers along my body, caressing my head, my hands, and my belly. They offered me kisses of sympathy and murmured sweet-nothings into my ears. I felt like I was floating and didn’t know how to get in touch with the land below me. Music from nowhere rose in volume and lights flashed before me. The dancing around me became more and more swift, more erratic, and the light voices turned to violent chanting. Soft fabric ran along my skin as everyone moved about. This ritual I knew by heart. I knew its purpose, and this frightened me. As if on cue, the pressure extracted from me and I was overcome with a wave of sudden relief. But my fright within still boiled and I battled to raise me head to see my mother at my feet holding something in her arms. A mash of pale, moist skin balled up into a chubby figure. It had a small patch of hair on top of its head and its eyes were closed. It was quiet.

I watched as mother walked away from me and held it above her head, her hands covered in red. She stood there for a moment and chanted phrases as I watched her in total bewilderment. And the thing in her hands was still. It never made a noise. Once mother finished, she walked further towards the cliff’s edge and something within me sparked. I fought my sluggish limbs and forced my body to sit up, despite the raging pain coming from my lower abdomen. But my sisters came from behind me and laced their hands around me, holding me to my position. I tried to fight back but I was frozen against the wall that was built to keep me in my place. Tears flowed down my cheeks. It was like I couldn’t get air into my lungs.

“No! Mother!” I screamed to her. “Mother! Please don’t!”

But she never faltered in her movements. I watched her backside as she reached the edge and looked down to the quiet child in her arms. Then, as if she didn’t have to think about it, she threw it into the air. Its body became invisible under the glow of the moon, vanishing into a fabric of night air. The sea below crashed with anticipation at the event while a storm brewed within me. Mother soon walked back over to me and kissed my forehead, my will to fight back straining to grow stronger. “How could you.” I growled.

“Dear, the child was already gone. I knew it from the moment I saw you. By the looks of it, its been dead for quite some time. A natural birth would have been damaging and painful.” Mother explained to me, keeping a look of superiority.

This I couldn’t fathom. “But I felt it kick me earlier today. There’s no possible way I…” my voice caught in my throat as I processed everything. I knew how my mother was and her ways were a mystery to even my other sisters. But this, this was on another level. Her motives were clear as I was reading her like an open book, her sinister lies crawling out of her mouth like diseased insects.

“You poisoned me.” I spoke in the silence of the night, daring to even say the words out loud. “Didn’t you? The dinner you made. It was a trick.”

“Oh, come now. Don’t be so paranoid.”

“No, don’t lie to me. You wanted me here to take my child as punishment, didn’t you? That’s what all of this was! I should’ve expected that you could ever be kind after I left. And the ritual? It was an offering.” My voice echoing across the winds, reaching every section of the temple’s grounds.

“Meredith, don’t make it seem like I was trying to murder your child. This was for the best,” she leaned down to my level. “You wouldn’t have been ready. Let this be a lesson.”

Sobs built up inside of my chest as I lost myself to grief. Words couldn’t describe the complete loss of that moment. “I can’t believe you would do this. You’re my mother,” I cried and turned to my sisters who hung over me, gracing me with gentle hugs and strokes. “And my own sisters. How could you hurt me like this?!”

Aster, the sister who never seemed to speak for the others and usually kept to herself, drew closer to me and ran her hand across my cheek as she brushed away the tears. “Shh. Please don’t grow bitter. We did this to keep our family together. We would be so depressed to see one of us leave,” her sultry voice curved its way into my mind as it mimicked that of a nymph’s. “Besides, your baby is still with us. Look above.” She pointed to the night sky as my eyes followed. Amongst the millions of stars and next to the powerful Orion, a small star shown bright and vibrant, dancing with the newborn light. “There he is.”

And in that traumatic moment, I gazed at that star as it lied with the open night sky, now surrounded by brilliance and luminescence.

My eyes filled with tears then as I looked upon my child from below.

“He?”

#short story #the pleiades #the lost sister #greek mythology #pleiad #mythology #aesthetic #goddess #moon #ocean aesthetic #space aesthetic #moon aesthetic

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soft-stomachaches · 6 years

Note

all the questions

0: Heightshawty....5”4 i think1: Agei just turned 20 !!!2: Shoe size7 1/2 to 8 1/2 3: Do you smoke?you betcha! 4: Do you drink?you betcha!5: Do you take drugs?just weedie weed 6: Age you get mistaken fori either get mistaken for 16, or 257: Have tattoos?just my lil haunted house!8: Want any tattoos?yes!! lots more!9: Got any piercings?i have my ears pierced, but i’m highly considering getting my nose pierced 10: Want any piercings?yes i think i’d look so cute!11: Best friend?CAYLA !!!!!!!!!!! and ASHLEY !!!!!!!!!! loves of my god damn life12: Relationship statusi am a single hoe and i’m living for it13: Biggest turn onsuhhh let’s see... if we’re talking like actual turn ons i love when someone can be super funny and instantly turn things into jokingly sexual. like if i say “what’re you going to do bout it” and they kiss my neck or something. that stuff is so good. or just in general a sense of caring control ??14: Biggest turn offspeople that are insensitive !!!!! or treat me like a sex object !!!!! 15: Favorite moviescott pilgrim vs the world, girl interrupted, and moulin rouge16: I’ll love you if...you make me laugh!!! or if i feel like you understand me. people that are just sweet in general 17: Someone you missi miss mike!!!! but he’s been having a great time with his friends i just miss coming home when i was off work and watching him play bioshock with my sisters. i’m so glad we’re pals again18: Most traumatic experienceprobably being raped again hahahaha 19: A fact about your personalityi’m very sensitive but it helps me be super empathetic!20: What I hate most about myselfas far as my appearances: my smileas far as everything else: my bipolar depression!! my mood swings hold me back sometimes for sure21: What I love most about myselfi think i’m really nice and caring, plus i’m dumb funny22: What I want to be when I get olderi always wanted to be an event/concert photography!! 23: My relationship with my sibling(s)me and victoria are like besties, we just ate tbell together. lexi and i have fallen out a lil but we’re still close. ashley and i still don’t see eye to eye but i love her anyways. and brooke is my edibles plug and i of course love her to death !!24: My relationship with my parent(s)my relationship with my mom has improved sooo much since i’ve gotten out of the hospital. she defends me to the end of the earth and has absolutely supported me much more, i never thought she’d be okay with me liking boys and girls but she’s trying her best. dad and i are becoming much better too. he’s still an ass though 25: My idea of a perfect datei don’t know about a PERFECT date but my ideal date is to like go on adventure like going to the beach at night, then we go back to their place and they introduce me to all their pets, show me what shows and music they’re passionate about, we have silly make out sessions and cuddle all night. i am a simple person 26: My biggest pet peevespeople that hold onto grudges!! i was one of my own pet peeves for a long time but i’m thru with that27: A description of the girl/boy I likei don’t have a specific person in mind rn! i’ve just been having lots of small crushes and dates because i’m not sure if i’m ready to fully emotionally support someone yet, i wanna work on myself first ! 28: A description of the person I dislike the mostgrimiest motherfucker alive. takes advantage of people when they’re drunk or fucked up. has assaulted more than one person. total piece of shit29: A reason I’ve lied to a friendi’ve lied to my friends about being fine sometimes but that’s only because i need to sometimes work on my problems myself or i don’t want them to worry30: What I hate the most about work/schoolnothing!!! i love my job so much!!! 31: What my last text message says“i hate uuuuuuu”32: What words upset me the mostuhhh i don’t know ?? maybe when people comment on my weight, or that i’m being annoying or that i’m not good enough??33: What words make me feel the best about myselfbeing told i’m funny!!!! or that i’m important or even little details like “oh i like the playlist you made me” 34: What I find attractive in womena lot of then have big hearts!!! soft skin and soft touches and thoughtful ideas. girls that can be emo or push gender roles are the cutest of all35: What I find attractive in menconfidence! and strength, both physical and emotional. and i looove boys that are emotionally vulnerable around me or can push gender roles36: Where I would like to livei don’t know! i wanna live in a moderately busy city that’s super art oriented 37: One of my insecuritiesmy teeth and my birthmark!! i’ve spent my entire childhood trying to fix or correct the problems with it that i just obsess over it38: My childhood career choicei wanted to be a rockstar artist 39: My favorite ice cream flavorpeanut butter or mint chocolate chip!!40: Who I wish I could bei wish i could be someone who hasn’t made as many mistakes as me and is a little more financially/emotionally stable but i’m growing more comfortable being me!!41: Where I want to be right nowin someone’s arms, i’ve been super affectionate lately42: The last thing I atetbell ❣️43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediatelyFRANK IERO 44: A random fact about anythingi took two edibles on my birthday and watched the price as right while i did it and thought it was the most funny thing in the world

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unwoundvisions · 4 years

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Cayla (1974)

How well does your muse deal with stress? Do they do anything in particular to help them deal with it, and if so what do they do?

If it’s a stress I personally have to deal with like work, I focus on it way too much. I use the stress as this horrible motivator to do whatever needs to be done. I’m a perfectionist so stress is not really my friend. I’ll easily break down and angry cry over it. However, I’ve yet to find a healthy way to manage stress.

What are their immediate views on romantic love?

I don’t really have a lot of experience in that depart but I’m not opposed to it. It’s something everyone should get to have in their lifes if they want to.

Do they react well when they develop feelings for someone and if not why?

Again, this doesn’t happen often so I wouldn’t know. I mean, if I did, I think I would handle it...okay? I’m just very hesitant to open myself up to someone.

How do they show affection nonverbally? Are they likely to show affection with their words as well?

I’m more verbal than physical because I’m hesitant to invade anyone’s space with my touch. However, if I know they don’t mind, I’m very physically affection. Holding hands, hugs, all that sugary sweet things people do I like as long as I know they don’t mind.

Are they the friendly sort or do they prefer to let others start off interactions with them?

I let others come to me. I’m not very confident in my people skills so I never seek interactions out right away.

Does your muse have any sort of verbal tics or impediments?

I have a bad habit of saying legit, like, uh and apparently. I sometimes do stutter when I’m nervous but usually only at the start of the sentence.

Is your muse apt to stab someone in the back in any way? If so, would they admit to doing so or would they lie to cover it up?

Not really. I’m pretty loyal but I could see myself maybe doing it accidentally. If that was the case, I’d probably admit it.

How devoted are they to their loved ones? Would this devotion delve into the obsessive side?

I am very devoted but not at all obsessive.

What sorts of things would they be willing to do for friends? For family? For their significant other(s)?

Just about anything. Those are the people I love the most so of course I’d do anything for them.

Are their nights plagued with past memories or nightmares in general? What do they usually entail if so?

Dreams in general are very rare for me to remember. However, on the off chance I am having a nightmare, it’s always going to be something about a very gory or dangerous situation. I don’t have nightmares about monsters but about horrible real life things happening to me.

How do they usually sleep, in what position? Do they like plenty of pillows, blankets and/or plush toys?

I usually sleep on my stomach but will wake up on my side or back. I only really need one blanket and of course, I have Pooh.

Are they adept at using technology of any kind or do they typically need help with it?

I’m pretty good with most technology. Just don’t try to get me to figure out the lights for boy’s show. So many buttons. So many lights. I just can’t. I’m also not very good with cars. I can drive one but lord forbid I ever break down or get a flat tire.

Is your muse good with their hands, or do they tend to be fairly clumsy?

I am good with my hands in the sense that their steady and I can draw very basic things. I can be a bit mildly clumsy though. I drop shit all the time.

Do they prefer to think ahead or to leap right in and wing things?

Think head. I’d plan out everything if I could.

What kinds of things inspire your muse and does your muse tend to inspire others?

I’m inspired a lot because of the people in my life. I’m inspired a lot by the boys music. I’m really inspired by movies and plays. I suppose I technically inspire people? I’m not sure why but I’ve had songs written about me and I’m honored. If I had any talent I’d make something for them.

Does your muse think they’re mentally or physically strong?

I’m mentally somewhat strong. I think I’m capable in that aspect but physically strong, no way. Freddie’s helped me learn about about physical strength but just the basics.

Do they believe in luck? If so, would they consider themselves lucky or unlucky?

100%. It happens alll the time. People can work their entires lives at their dreams and simply never get anywhere unless they are magically seen by the right people. That takes luck.

If they had the opportunity, would they prefer to know what’s going to happen in the future or not? Why?

No. It’d give me way to much anxiety and that is saying a lot because not knowing freaks me out too.

How strongly do they listen to their intuition? Is their intuition usually correct or incorrect?

I think I listen to it 100%. Thankfully, it’s never led me wrong. I got a tarot reading once and they said one of my strongest capabilities was my intuition..

What kind of things get them frazzled or anxious? Do they tend to handle them well or get swept up in the moment?

Having too much work and too little time to do it, crowds in tight spaces, loud music and bustling people. Sometimes, I can handle all of these pretty well. Other times, I’ll get very anxious and start crying just because I’m overwhelmed.

Are there are any items they own that have sentimental value to them?

Pooh has sentimental value to me. I didn’t get him at a young age, but I did have a sentimental attachment to the character from the books. I’ve also got Cinderella snowglobe that I got as a kid. I don’t even like the character too much but it’s such a nice snowglobe and plays such a nice song that I never gave it away. I also keep movie tickets. I keep them in jar. I really don’t know why but it’s become important to me.

What kind of clothing and accessories do they prefer to wear? Are there are any particular reasons outside of general comfort that they like wearing these?

I prefer to be comfortable for the most part unless the occasion calls for something else. I stick to jeans, t shirts, leather jackets, nothing really extravagant. I’ll happily dress up for a party and I don’t really mind dressing up for business meetings either but I’ll always prefer comfortable clothes.

Can they withstand manual labor? Do they avoid manual labor as much as possible, and if so, why?

I can do it but I fucking it. I’ll avoid it but eventually I’ll force myself to do it.

How good is their memory? Has it always been like this or did something happen to make it this way?

I think it used to be good but as it’s gotten older, it’s not that great. I think that’s common though.

Are they sickly or get sick often?

I think I get sick easy. I’m not sure why either. Usually after being around a ton of people, I always end up having some type of cold. It’s annoying.

What sort of medication, if any do they have to take, if any? Do they refuse to take it, forget to take it, or do they prefer to keep on it?

I don’t really have any and I’m thankful for it.

What kind of textures (e.g. silky, rough, slick, etc) do they prefer?

I’m not really picky when it comes to clothing texture. I would prefer it to feel comfortable and soft but it doesn’t have to. The only thing I hate is when cotton t-shirts feel really thick and dry if that makes sense.

How ambitious is your muse and what are their current goals? To what ends will they go to to make those wishes a reality?

I’m pretty ambitious but I try to make sure whatever goals I have are reachable ones. But at this point in my life, I’m really happy where I am and don’t really have any goals other than do more creative things when I can.

How well do they manage their money?

Pretty good for the most part but if I’m ever around Freddie or Elton, I’m in trouble and will spend far too much.

What sorts of things bring your muse comfort in trying times? Are there any habits they have when things get difficult to help cope?

Candles, ice cream, bubble baths, tv and Pooh.

Are they pessimistic, optimistic or somewhere in the middle? Was there anything that happened to them in their life that caused them to think in this way?

I’m pessimistic when it comes to myself but optimistic for other people. But if it’s about me, I automatically assume the worst will happen. It’s just always been that way.

Is your muse the creative type in any way? How do they usually express their creativity?

I’m pretty creative. I love writing, acting and stuff to do with film making. I usually expres my creative with writing though.

Do they have any sort of outlet they use as a means to cope (e.g. writing, drawing, playing music, etc.)? How’d they get into it if they do?

Writing for sure. When I’ve been really upset, I’ll write my feelings out to try to understand them in the moment and later.

Do they have anything that they have natural talent in? If so do they enjoy doing it or is it something they tend to forget about?

Acting, I suppose? That was something no one ever really taught me to do.

Are they a passionate person or do they tend to be more down-to-earth?

I’m passionate depending on the topic. But for the most part, I’m down-to-earth.

Are they the sort to wear their heart on the sleeve? If not, why?

In a way. I can’t control my emotions for the most part and usually if I’m upset or angry it pokes through. But when it comes to eagerly accepting love, no. One bad experience sort of made me hesitant to wear my heart on my sleeve.

Are they able to multi-task or do they prefer to keep at one thing at a time?

One thing at a time. I can multi-task but I understand everything a lot better if I can fully focus on one thing.

How big is their imagination? Do they tend to share these ideas or keep them to themselves?

I have a pretty big imagination but I keep it to myself unless I know someone really wants to hear what ideas I have.

Do they tend to get lost in their own thoughts/daydreams?

I can if things are dreadfully boring. But I can usually force myself to remain focused.

#( 1974 is like the golden year for these )#╰ curvy cayla ╮#♫ play the game (queen fic)#✧ modest musings ✧

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recentanimenews · 7 years

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Crunchyroll's First Staff Picks Feature!

'SUP Y'ALL, I’m Cayla! I just got hired on to help curate anime at Crunchyroll, and I've noticed that everyone here has pretty rad taste. Since I'm a genius, I came up with the idea to start CR Staff Picks, a new monthly feature where we list recommendations from Crunchyroll employees! For our first installment, we’re covering some of my favorites, but future entries will include picks from plenty of different staff members. Now read on and bask in my super good taste~!

Restaurant to Another World

Restaurant to Another World is chill as hell. I love over-the-top action as much as the next person, but sometimes I just want my entertainment to help me unwind after a hard day in the anime mines. Despite heavily featuring warriors, mages, and dragons, Restaurant prefers to spend its runtime on quiet worldbuilding and detailed shots of food that leave me HELLA HUNGRY. The nameless proprieter of Nekoya, the dimension-hopping restaurant in which most of the action takes place, is a soft-spoken, mysterious dude, but the moments of warmth he shows to his customers and his waitress make him pretty darn endearing. So there's my first recommendation: come for the food, stay for the relaxing, scenic atmosphere!

Parasyte -the maxim-

I really, really like David Cronenberg, and Parasyte -the maxim- is probably the closest you can get to a Cronenberg-directed anime. Parasyte offers a fun cocktail of brutal horror-action, existential philosophy, and unsettling body horror that mixes together just right. The main duo are really engaging as well! Our protagonist Shinichi starts off as a bookish nerd, but we get to see him slowly become a Cool Edgy Teen as he gains more battle experience. And Migi (the horrifying mouth-eye-tentacle monster living in our hero's hand) makes a similarly satisfying arc as he progresses from a cold, calculating killer to an empathetic friend to Shinichi. Also, I know he looks... not great at first, but by the end of the series I thought Migi was really cute? Like a mascot character, sort of??? You'll see what I mean, just watch it!

Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid

Sometimes a family is just a salarywoman, a dragon, and also another slighty smaller dragon. Stupid memes aside, Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid really is all about building your own family. I really like Kobayashi a lot, she's a great main character. It's always nice to see yourself reflected in the media you watch, and the emotionally complicated, overworked adult woman with Real Grown-Up Responsibilities™ that is Kobayashi certainly hit a bit close to home. What got me even more than that is how this non-traditional family of people and humanoid dragons builds up around our protagonist. I recently moved away from my home state and left behind a lot of family and friends. Kobayashi forming relationships with Tohru and the ever-increasing cast of weirdos in her life somewhat mirrors my experiences of building up a support group as an adult in a new place. That's a big reason this show is so close to my heart! Also, hecking damn I really love Kanna. She's so pure and good and cute and I want to protect her.

Cardcaptor Sakura

When I was a little kid I would watch Cardcaptor Sakura and then pretend to unleash Clow Cards using a stick and some Pokemon cards. I was SUPER COOL and had LOTS OF FRIENDS. The point is, Cardcaptor is really cool and inventive and captured my young imagination! Sakura's journey to wrangle the cards and maneuver through fourth grade serves up some hella cool action scenes and engaging plot beats that pulled in viewers both young and old when it aired in '98. For anyone wondering if it holds up, I re-watched the whole series recently and was happy to see that my childhood nostalgia was totally merited! It's a super high-quality show, and required viewing for anime fans in my book. I'm not saying everyone has to like Cardcaptor Sakura--I'm just saying if you don't, you might hate fun.

March comes in like a lion

I don't give a FRICK about shogi. But I do give at least fifty fricks about sad boys, and Rei Kiriyama is the saddest boy. March comes in like a lion follows Rei as he advances in his professional shogi career, overcomes his past traumas, and attempts to make meaningful connections to the people around him. You. Will. Cry. I promise. Every episode of this dang series had me wiping at my eyes in a futile attempt to save my eyeliner. One of my favorite things about March is the way it fleshes out its cast. Someone will be introduced one week seemingly as a one-off joke character, but then we'll have a mini-arc a few episodes later dedicated to illustrating their own personal hardships and backstories. This series has some beautiful things to say about empathy and the value of opening up to people. Also, Rei Kiriyama is a GOOD BOY and I will PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE.

Log Horizon

I know it's en vogue to dunk on "trapped-in-a-vide-game" series, but Log Horizon is really good, okay?? Most shows of this ilk are focused primarily on combat and cool fight scenes. This is great! Combat stuff is cool as hell! But I also think that it's cool to take the time to explore these imaginative fantasy-scapes and engage in some worldbuilding. Log Horizion has this in spades. Shiroe's interesting mix of Machiavellian talent for manipulation and humane empathy (think Frank Underwood from House of Cards but less... terrible) make him a hugely engaging protagonist. His ability to weave together a plan that brings together seemingly disparate actions across episodes makes something as ostensibly boring as setting up a functioning economic system just as exciting as any world-shattering shonen battle scene! Be forewarned, though, that the theme song is going to be stuck in your head literally forever.

And that wraps up our inaugural Staff Picks list! Check out some of my AMAZING recommendations, and be sure to check back next month for a new list featuring more favorites from around the office!

-----

Cayla Coats is an Editorial Programming Coordinator at Crunchyroll and VRV. You can follow her on Twitter here!

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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meagansometimes · 7 years

Text

148 Questions

What star sign is the last person you text messaged? Leo.

How did you feel when you woke up today? I felt pretty energetic.

Do you know what the person you have feelings for is doing at this moment? I don’t have feelings for anyone, I guess.

When was the last time you had an alcoholic drink? A few nights ago.

Who was the last person to make you cry with laughter? I’m not sure.

Who was the last person you talked about sex/relationships with? Probably Indi or Jenna.

How do you feel about answering sexual questions when filling in surveys? I won’t do it.

Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? Indi.

Are they in a relationship? No.

Which would annoy you more - a one-word response, or a long paragraph? A one-word response.

What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? He has pretty good style and I like his mustache and I dunno. He’s just kinda cute.

Is there anything you would like to tell someone? I don’t know but I’m about to have to write a letter that’s gonna determine that I guess. I’m doing this survey to try to work up to it. Also known as procrastinating. I mostly just don’t want to drudge up those feelings.

How many months until it’s your birthday? Three.

How old will you be? A lady never tells her age.

Have you felt your heart racing today? No.

In your phone, who is the first contact listed under ‘R’? Rebecca.

How did you meet him/her? She lives next door.

Who introduced you to the person you have feelings for? No one did. We met online.

How many brothers does your father have? One.

How old is your oldest friend? It depends on who you really count as a close friend but lots of my friends are in their mid to late thirties.

Have you ever had a crush on someone several years older than yourself? Definitely.

Does your best friend have any tattoos? Yes.

Do you still speak to your first love? I don’t think I really have had one yet.

What if the last person you kissed, accused you of no longer wanting them? I’d be surprised they even noticed.

If you find out someone’s been talking about you, do you confront them? I doubt it.

Do you think you act older or younger than your actual age? I don’t know or care.

What’s the nicest meal you’ve ever eaten? I’m not sure. Right now I’m obsessed with Eastland Cafe.

Do you ever do iPod shuffle surveys? I used to love them but haven’t taken one in years.

Do you ever do ‘Top Friend’ surveys? Do those still exist?

If you could relive any day in the past year, what day would it be? I honestly don’t know. Maybe live on the green or something where I was having fun.

Would you rather date someone taller or shorter than you? Taller.

Have you ever become friends with someone you at one point hated? Probably.

Does is make you uncomfortable when people compliment you? A little bit.

Do you have a favorite t-shirt? No, I have so many but tonight I posted my first t-shirt tuesday one in my new Velvet Underground shirt.

Shot of whiskey, or a bottle of Smirnoff? eh.

Would you consider yourself an adventurous person? Not really.

Have you ever snuggled with someone you weren’t dating? Yes.

What were you doing at 11 pm last night? Working on ebay stuff I think.

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? Fairly often.

Are you doing this because you’re bored? No. I’m doing it because I don’t want to work on this letter.

Would you consider yourself heartless? No.

Do you ever wish you were the opposite sex? Occasionally.

If you could go on ONE DATE with any celebrity, who would it be? Maybe Slash.

Have you ever been afraid of being underwater? Well, I’d be afraid if it were for a long time.

Would you ever scuba dive in shark infested waters if you had the chance? I doubt it.

If you woke up and no one was home, would you wonder where everyone is? No. I live by myself.

Have you ever been drunk at work? I don’t think so.

Have you ever hit a parked car with your car? Yes. I backed into Mariah’s car once, right after she reminded me it was there.

If you just drank 15 beers, what would you be doing? Wanting to die.

What would you do if your girlfriend or boyfriend didn’t like your friends? I’d probably discuss it with them.

Have you ever slept on the floor with someone you like? Probably.

Have you ever woken up next to someone and were freaked out? No.

Would you take a road trip with your friends? Probably.

Which do you prefer: french toast, bagels, or cereal? Bagels.

Do you prefer light or dark haired? Light.

Do you have photos up around your room, of you? No.

If you’re extremely quiet, what does that mean? Usually that I just have nothing to say or I’m trying not to cry.

Do you have a hard time controlling your emotions? Sometimes.

Ever been suspended from school? No.

Does it make you mad when people stare at you? Sometimes.

Do you prefer pens or pencils? Pens.

Have you ever read any of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books? Yes. Many years ago.

Last person you were in the car with? Indi.

What time did you wake up this morning? 10:00 am.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes.

How tall are you? 4′10.

How many drugs are in your system? None.

What foreign language do / did you study? I studied German.

Do you own sunglasses? A lot.

Where is the next place you will travel to? The atm/walmart/my appointment tomorrow.

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? Sleeping.

Do you say sexy a lot? No.

Do you want to cut your hair? Nope.

Do you have empty bottles of alcohol hidden somewhere? No.

You have to get a piercing, what do you get? A second hole in my ears or my nose.

Do you miss anyone? Yes.

Think back to your most recent relationship — Serious or not? Was it worth it? Exclusive but not serious and probably not worth it.

Have you ever sneaked someone over to your house? No.

Is it okay if you kiss people when you’re single? Yes.

Do you think it’s possible that you could move on from someone, and then redevelop feelings for them? Yes.

How’s your hair right now? I just fixed it and it’s down.

Do you only wish the best for your ex? Sure.

How are things between you and the person you like? N/A

What were you doing at 4 AM last night? Sleeping.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to sleep last night? Chris I think.

What time did you decide to get out of bed today? 10:00

Did you straighten your hair this morning? No.

When was the last time you laughed really hard? Probably Sunday.

What do you hear right now? The heat running.

If you were breaking up with your girlfriend/boyfriend, what would you most likely say? It would really depend on the situation.

Do you think that once people get married, they eventually fall “out of love”? No.

Ever had a near death experience? Kind of but not really.

Where’s your cellphone? Right next to me on the arm of the couch.

What is the last thing you thought about? Where my cell phone was.

Do you regret anything? Kind of, yes.

If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell first? Probably the father or my mom.

Who would you like your next “fling” to be with? I don’t want a “fling.”

Are you slowly drifting away from someone close? Not really.

When was the last time you saw the person you last kissed? Last month.

Do you like your phone? Sure.

Last alcohol beverage? Vodka/Coke.

Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex? Yes.

If you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick? Indi probably.

What do your best friends call you? Meagan

Who was the last person to go to the movies with you? I think Joe. I never go to the movies. I don’t care for them.

Are you currently fighting with someone? No.

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach? I’m not sure. Maybe a few weeks ago.

Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone? I always use my cell phone.

Is there an empty place in your heart? Eh.

Do you count down the days till anything? Sometimes.

Are you looking forward to something as of right now? Some shows.

Have you ever been called a tease? Not that I remember.

What are your chances of getting with your crush? N/A.

Are any of your friends so close that you consider them family? Kind of.

Anyone told you a secret this week? Not that I can remember.

Do you hate anyone? No.

Last time you wore the opposite sex’s clothing? I don’t remember. Maybe a year ago. Geez.

What do you want in your life right now? Money and happiness.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you thought you were going to cry? I can’t remember.

Do you trust people easily? Sort of.

Proud of anything right now? Proud of myself for taking the steps I am right now.

Name a band you’d like to see live? Guns N Roses.

Have you ever been stalked? No.

Have anything on your mind? That I want to go to bed and not write this letter.

Name three things that meant something to you, but now doesn’t?

I don’t know.

Name three things that didnt mean anything to you, but now does?

I’m not sure.

Favourite type of music? So much.

What band/group have the most lyrics that represent you? Ugh.

Do you drive? Yes.

Own a car? Semi.

Best season? Summer/fall.

Who’s your best friend/s? Indi, Jenna, Craig, Cayla, etc.

Would you rather sing or dance? Dance.

One thing you really want to learn? How to sew.

What’s your favourite tv channel? I don’t have one.

Name your favourite programs? Girls.

What are you doing this summer? Nothing special.

How many times have you been on a plane? Many times.

Favourite song? Constantly changing.

Scared of anything? A few things.

One thing you wish for? Money.

Do you get jealous easy? Unfortunately, yes.

What colour is your hair? Blonde-ish.

What night club plays the best songs to dance to? I don’t know.

Made up with anyone recently after an argument? Not really.

Missing anyone right now? Kind of.

Do you use MSN? I use hotmail, if that counts.

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