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chaos-bringer-13 · 12 days

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Jazz's little. Her parents are super cool. They're ghost hunters! It sounds like something from a movie about future and scientists and supernatural beings and cool-looking tech. They have cool-looking tech at home. It's even cooler than tech in the movies.

Jazz also has a little brother. He's stupid but he's hers, and she will protect him from anything. Her brother is very small, he needs someone to protect him and teach him about the world.

She knows about the world. She understands their parents much better than him, and she can tell her brother when they shouldn't be distracted. She knows when they're upset and irritable, and she knows when they're too excited and being near them is dangerous because of all the inventions.

Jazz does a very good job keeping her little brother safe.

---

Jazz goes to school. Her teachers say that she's very smart, the best student in class, and very mature. Her parents are proud of her - when she manages to distract them from ghosts. Her brother is still kinda stupid and doesn't know how to properly fight food, but she's always there to protect him, because that's what older sisters do.

Her classmates seem to think that she's weird though. Some of them say mean things and call her a teacher's pet and a show-off. Jazz isn't sure why they think so because she's always trying to be friendly but maybe she's doing something wrong. She goes to the school library and finds a book about people and their communication.

It's a very interesting book.

---

Jazz is almost a teen. She's gotten better at communicating with people. The school library ran out of psychology books, and Jazz now has to go to the city library but that's fine. Human brain fascinates her.

She's been feeling like something is wrong about her though. She even thought that she was going crazy for a little bit. That probably wasn't true because she didn't match any symptoms but she was still worried.

Someone told her that being so good at lying and faking face expressions is not okay. That's probably not true, Jazz is pretty sure almost everyone can do that. Or maybe she's just being a prodigy again. It's a very good thing to be able to do after all. She can hide her emotions from her family when she's feeling sad. She wouldn't want to worry them, would she?

She'll have to research it.

---

Jazz is a teen. She now knows that her parents aren't actually that good. It's something that was really hard to accept but it did explain everything. Her parents are kinda bad at being parents, and they also don't really listen when she tries to explain it to them.

It's okay. She's almost an adult and Danny has her. She can take care of herself and her brother.

She learns everything she can about being a parent and a therapist and tries to use her knowledge. It's hard, but she's a Fenton, which means that she's very smart and determined. She pushes through, and trains on her classmates and herself.

In the evening she writes about her feelings in a journal. It's very important to be aware of her feelings because that's the first step to dealing with them.

She's experiencing sadness. And anger, actually, even though she doesn't like to admit that.

She writes "this family is a fucking mess" in her journal and then covers the paper with ink until the sentence is absolutely unreadable.

---

Jazz is sixteen, and her stupid parents opened the stupid portal, which means that they're even worse than usual. It's pretty much okay when they're just stuck in their stupid lab, making some stupid weapons. It's not that okay when they're out of the stupid lab, because they get their stupid inventions all over the stupid house, and stupid food comes to life, and she has to protect Danny from both their stupid weapons and stupid hotdogs, and oh god everything is so stupid.

She's experiencing anger.

She's also acting perfectly calm and almost cheerfully.

Jazz hates how perfect her fake smile is in the mirror.

---

Jazz is seventeen. She wants to put her headphones on and listen to some loud music. Jazz can't do that, because she gets anxious if she can't hear what's happening around her. She needs to be fully aware of her surroundings because she needs to be able to protect herself and her brother if weapons against ghosts become weapons against children again.

She thinks that it's not okay.

The house smells of ectoplasm, so she'll be extra careful when opening the fridge.

She thinks that she shouldn't know how ectoplasm smells.

Jazz should probably also warn Danny: her little brother's gotten better at fighting food but doesn't notice the smell of ectoplasm. Funny, considering his ghost sense.

Funny, considering that her brother is a half-ghost.

That her brother died.

That she failed at protecting him after all.

Jazz stops breathing to prevent herself from crying, and doesn't need oxygen for a few minutes too long.

Maybe she failed at protecting herself too.

---

Jazz is turning eighteen next month. Her parents are all of a sudden more attentive and caring, as if that can change their almost-absence during her whole life. She doesn't like their attention because she doesn't know how to deal with it. She doesn't even really think of them as parents anymore.

She thinks of them as a threat.

Once she's eighteen, she's gonna try to move out, and she's going to take Danny with her because it's not safe to leave him here. Maybe after she gets a good job and saves some money, she'll even get into therapy.

Jazz thinks that she needs therapy.

She's been having Bad Thoughts lately, and she doesn't write them down in her journal. Jazz stopped writing anything in there ever since she found out that Danny is a ghost. She just couldn't risk anyone finding that journal.

Jazz isn't sure if she should call those Bad Thoughts intrusive. They scare her, and they're Bad, but it could be just her normal thought process.

It's still definitely not normal.

---

Jazz is eighteen. Her parents are very excited, whispering to each other about how they found a perfect present for her, some surprise that she's gonna love.

She doesn't care.

Her little brother is late from school, and it's weird, because he was also super excited about giving her his present.

She's worried.

Her parents brush off her concern, say that Danny probably just got distracted talking with his friends. They don't listen when she says that Danny wouldn't get distracted like that on her birthday because he's not them, he actually cares about her, he doesn't forget her birthdays, and something has to be wrong for him to be that late.

They don't listen to her at all.

She's angry.

Her parents are excited and talk loudly about how they wanted to find a perfect gift for their favourite daughter, and how they managed to do it because they love her so much. She hates when they're excited. It only leads to problems.

They bring her to the lab because of course they do, why would they make a gift that is normal and isn't kept in the lab, right? They usher her in, so obviously proud of themselves.

She hates them.

And she hates them much, much more the next second, because the gift is her little brother in his ghost form, strapped to a table, unconscious and injured, and the smell of ectoplasm is strong in the lab because of his green blood dripping on the floor.

There's a cold part of her that analyses her feelings and tells her what emotions she's experiencing, and that part is very aware of thick black smoke of wrath twirling and twisting under her skin. It's suffocating, and she stops breathing as it invisibly fills her lungs, scared of letting it out.

There's a perfectly fake part of her that keeps the smile on her face as her parents gush about how hard it was to catch the ecto-scum, and what they can do to it - together with Jazz because they wanted to share this with their amazing daughter.

Jazz is black smoke of rage under perfect glass of calmness when she grabs Fenton anti-creep stick. The smile she learned to fake under any circumstances doesn't falter when Jazz brings the baseball bat down on her father's head. It grows a little bit wider when she hits her mother, because Jazz learned to smile brighter when she's hurt or sad or scared or angry - experiencing any "bad" emotion actually.

Jazz is angry when she grabs her weapon.

Jazz is furious when she kills her parents.

Jazz is worried when she checks her brother's wounds.

Jazz feels nothing when she rigs the portal to blow, walks out of the house and presses the button.

She is her parents' genius daughter after all, and she did listen when they were telling her about their inventions. Maybe it would have taken longer to do, but she had Bad Thoughts, and they probably weren't just intrusive after all, because she did what they told her and made it very easy to make a bomb out of a portal. Just in case. Her parents were a threat, and Jazz was smart enough to prepare to dealing with threats, and she was smart enough to make it look like the threats dealt with themselves.

She really hoped she wouldn't have to use that button though.

---

Jazz is nineteen. Her sort-of-friends at uni offer to go to a restaurant, and she tells them that she doesn't celebrate her birthdays. There's a noise of all of them saying that maybe she should try, noise that she really should have expected, because humans are always so excited about any holidays, it's hard for them to understand that someone might not like them. It's not hard to stop that noise though. They shut up very quickly when Jazz says that she had "a very traumatic event" on her birthday.

Good. She doesn't like loud people.

Jazz goes home to her little brother. He's sad because his parents died in an awful explosion a year ago. He's still trying to smile because it's also her birthday, and Jazz is very happy that he's bad at faking a smile.

It means that he won't end up like her.

Jazz hugs her little brother, and he gives her a little present that she adores, and then they sit in silence and eat some takeout. It's very nice.

She never tells Danny that their parents died before the explosion, and that the explosion wasn't an accident, and that their ghosts did form after that because of all the ecto-contamination they had, but she made sure this wouldn't become a problem. She never tells him what she's done, because that would hurt her little brother, and she would never let anything hurt him.

Jazz will protect her little brother from anything.

#I was feeling kinda upset yesterday #and decided to make it everyone's problem #this just clawed its way out and why not put it on tumblr #it's not like many people will see it #I love when a mix of “bad parents” AU with “protective Jazz” AU turns into “Jazz kills her parents” AU #I've seen a few stories with this twist and apparently it wasn't enough for my brain #Jazz deserves to go a little crazy #also yes Jazz is liminal here because of the ecto-contamination #and she found where the ghosts of Fentons were starting to form and destroyed them #killed them twice #double double kill #protective murderous Jazz my love #make her brother upset and she will make sure you're gone *forever*#if it's not clear: the “Bad Thoughts” was her thinking “maybe I should kill my parents before they kill my brother”#and then she went and did something with the portal so that it would be one added detail and a press of a button away from exploding #in case she needs to run away from home with Danny and kill their parents #she didn't know if she would be able to kill them with her hands and not from away because it's hard both physically and psychologically #but she couldn't risk them doing something to Danny #and it was easier than she thought it would be #I've been thinking a lot about how Jazz could get interested in psychology because of her own problems #and how she definitely hides her emotions #if you see any mistakes please tell me because this is also kinda my way of learning English better #danny phantom #tw: murder #tw: death #tw: neglect #this is my first time doing this so please tell me what warnings I forgot and I will add them

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tascha-schwarz · 9 months

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One Last Chance for the Two

Imagine… meeting Severus Snape a few years after the Battle of Hogwarts

Warnings: more crying here

Part II (Part I >>>)

“So, how’s the school?” he asked reservedly, looking at you across the small kitchen table as you took a sip from the cup that he gave you.

Talking to you again felt so odd and unusual, Snape didn’t know what to say. It’s been way too long – too much time’s been wasted. Too much time’s been spent blaming himself for the terrible things he’s done to be easily reassured it was not his fault. It was, and nothing could change that. Over the years, he convinced himself he deserved nothing but hatred and contempt, and now it was so hard to accept that you were not despising him. Snape thought he’s become a stranger to you, there was nothing left from the man you used to know, so he believed, and if you haven’t realized it yet, you’d certainly do.

“I quitted,” you answered grimly. “Couldn’t stay there. Everything reminded me of you, everything!” your voice quavered. “Neither could I take it in the Ministry. They’re still haunting some of the Death Eaters, you know. Still haven’t caught them all. And your name, it sounded from everywhere, in every investigation there was a mention of you! I just couldn’t, that was way too much…”

He stretched out his hand and rested it on top of yours. Poor consolation. Unfortunately, that was all he could offer. If only he had known how much his life might mean to you...

“When they said you were a double agent...” you paused in attempt to pull yourself together. You could no longer breath, so you had to exhale through your mouth. “You have no idea what I’ve been through...”

Tears streamed down your cheeks.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why, Severus? Everything could be different…”

“I had to protect you. Keeping you uninvolved was the best I could do.”

“But at what cost!” you exclaimed in a fit of wild emotion.

“Your life was worth any price.”

“Really?” you shook your head in disagreement. “For such a life as mine has become, it wasn’t worth a grain of effort!” you shouted. “My life ended that very moment they said you were dead!” You pulled your hand out of his grip and covered your face. The pain that overflowed your heart was now pouring out in uncontrollable howls and sobs.

Snape left his seat and rushed over to you. He knelt down before you and rubbed your thighs, desperate to comfort you, but actually having no idea how to do it. You had no more power to manage your feelings, so you just sagged on the floor next to him and let him hold you.

“If you decide to protect me again… maybe from yourself, I don’t know… if you say you’re unworthy, that I better not mess with you, or whatever shit you come up with,” you swallowed tears, “maybe you’d ask me first? If I want this at all?”

He stroked your back, your head, clenching you tight in his arms and hating himself for hurting you again.

“Because all I want is you, Severus!” you whined, mumbling into his collar. “All I need is you, all I’ve ever needed…”

Suddenly, you felt his shoulders shudder as his weight pressed upon you, and it stunned you. You held your breath and froze, entirely forgotten about the tears you were shading.

No one’s ever known what a severe heartache was torturing his soul and his mind, what a violent disturbance was raging within his chest – he’s always made an impression of a strong man, there seemed to be nothing to put him out of control. But he was just a human, and yet he broke down. The stone his heart had become, hardened against hatred and misunderstanding over decades, crumbled to dust, exposing a knot of flaring feelings. For this to happen, he just had to hear that he was needed! If you had told him you were leaving, he wouldn’t have flinched, but confession coming from the bottom of a bleeding heart shattered the wall he’d put up between himself and the rest of the world to protect a vulnerable soul longing for love.

Crying silently, he buried his face in the crook of your neck, squeezing you tighter, as if he was afraid you’d slip out of his hands. He shuddered harder, no longer trying to hold back, because he just could not. His tears were your relief, your solace, your assurance that from now on everything was going to be all right.

You didn’t try to stop him, giving him as much time as he needed to cry his pain away, to free himself from the heavy burden he’s been carrying for an eternity. It should’ve happened long ago, before you’d accused him in all earthly sins, before you’d left him, and then you’d probably wouldn’t have to go separately through the hell your lives had become.

When there were no more tears left, he breathed heavily, still holding you firm in his arms, unwilling to pull away, ashamed to look you in the eyes, embarrassed by his weakness. But you took it gratefully, with tenderness, compassion and sympathy. You softly stroked his head, gasping for air once in a while, but with ease at your soul. Your palms still preserved the memory of so much missed sensation of his skin against yours, and now feeling the warmth of his body seemed like going back in those days when you believed you could hardly be happier.

Without breaking apart, you moved aside ever so slightly just to see his face. He reluctantly allowed you, keeping his eyes low to avoid your glance. Not a single person has ever seen him like this. Revealing his true self for your judgement wasn’t easy, but he found the courage to look you in the eyes, open and honest. He had nothing to lose anymore – he’s already lost your respect, your trust, your love – losing the remnants of his dignity was nothing in comparison to all that.

He looked so lost, so confused, and you pitied him with sincerity and commitment, wholeheartedly wishing to console him, to assure him that from now on he was not alone. There were still traces of tears on his cheeks, same as on yours. You cupped his face and pressed your forehead against his. You smiled, still sobbing, and reached out to kiss him. Your swollen lips brushed sloppily against his, but he accepted it with infinite gratitude and answered your kiss selflessly.

When you broke off, the silence filled the air, but it wasn’t awkward, in this silence there was a harmony of unity, understanding and acceptance. Snape lowered his head, rose to his feet with little effort and helped you up. He turned away, and you heard him sniff quietly as he rubbed his nose. He didn’t know what to do next, how to behave.

“Why would you need me?” he shook his head in disbelief. “Look what I’ve become...”

He turned around dejected by guiltiness and self-contempt, but met your loving gaze.

You approached him. “Just don’t say anything,” you whispered, stroking the strands of hair from his face, and he instinctively placed his hands on your waist. “I don’t want to hear any more reasons why you think you’re unworthy. I just found you and I’m not going to lose you again!” you softly kissed his lips, and he couldn’t resist.

“I’m exhausted…” you let out a sigh feeling your eyelids get heavier. The last few hours were overwhelming.

“No wonder,” there still was bitterness in his tone. Getting rid of guilt that rooted into him during the years wasn’t easy. Snape knew it was him to blame you were in such condition. “Come now, you really need some rest.”

He led you to his bedroom. Tiny it was, just as the rest of the house.

You sat on the edge of the bed and softly ran your hand over the mattress, thinking about numerous nights you were crying your eyes out, while he was lying here, on this very spot, left on his own, abandoned by everyone he knew. You looked up at him. He stood at the door and watched you. Tired, his eyes still red. You knew you looked no better, but you were not ashamed of your appearance. You pursed your lips into a faint smile.

“Will you stay with me? Please?”

He made a step forward, and you shifted to give him some space. Snape came up and sat next to you. You tilted your head to rest on his shoulder. He wrapped you into his hold and leaned against the headboard, where the two of you nestled comfortably on his only pillow. He squeezed you tighter, and you closed your eyes, finally finding peace on his chest.

“I missed you so much,” you admitted quietly.

“Me too,” he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. “It’s been not a single day that I wouldn’t think about you…”

“Don’t let me go, Severus, never again, will you?”

“I won’t,” he promised, tightening his grip. “Never.”

You nuzzled into his robes, taking in the sense of his proximity, his warmth, his scent, the beating of his heart. Cradled in his embrace, you felt safe again, you felt alive.

Snape didn’t say anything; all the words had been spoken, all the feelings had been exposed. He just held you tight, relishing the feel of your body in his arms. A whirlpool of emotions still raging in his soul, he couldn’t believe you were beside. All this time he yearned to see you, but never expected this to happen. Everything seemed like a dream, too good to be true, one of those that brings pain and disappointment after waking up. But he wasn’t sleeping.

“Do you know that you were proclaimed a hero?” you broke the silence.

“I do,” he sighed. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m also a murderer.”

“Why didn’t you report yourself? Nobody would judge you.”

“My name’s already made too much noise. I don’t want any more attention. No, I’ve had enough. There’s no more Severus Snape.”

“But not for me, right?” you looked up at him.

He squeezed your hand, that rested on his chest –

“No, not for you.”

You rubbed your head against his shoulder, curling up closer. Drained emotionally and physically, you yawned and closed your eyes. So many more questions were spinning in your head, but you will ask them later. Everything shall wait. Just one thing mattered now – he was alive, and he was yours.

You drifted to sleep in no time. To the beating of his heart, you slept so well like you haven’t for ages.

#it took me ages to press the POST button #idk why i decided to do it now #maybe someone would be interested #it was written like half a year ago #snape #severus snape #snape x reader #severus snape x reader

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