#Why am i never enough | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anotherbpdbitch · 1 year

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i’m so tired of having to force people to spend time with me. why am i not enough. why is loving me such a fucking chore. what am i doing wrong.

#why am i never enough #i fucking hate this #i just want to be loved #fuck love #bpd #vent #betrayal trauma #bpd thoughts #bpd fp

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howlsmovingwaifu · 2 years

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I just want to be good enough

#I feel so sad and lonely #every single person I’ve ever dated has ended up with the person they marry #why not me #why am I never enough #it hurts

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inmackkscar · 2 years

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I hate begging for attention, I’ve had to do it my whole life and it’s so draining. I just want to be enough. Why am I never enough?

~In Mack’s Car

#experts from a book i'll never write #i'm done #my writing #done with life #its neverending #enough #the neverending story #help me #but why #why do i keep doing this #why am i never enough

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palepinkenthusiast · 2 years

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Why do I always ruin everything?

#etheral #why am i never enough #dark coquette #vent post #softcore #anime aesthetic #girlblogging #melanchaholic #melancolic #coquette #nympette #nymph aesthetic #nymphcore

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ajarofpickledtears · 2 years

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it's like half the people are already established little friend groups that I just can't really get in

and then the people I've known for longer also are just

somehow closer

and I feel like an outsider

like I had to move a seat over (I was sitting jext to a friend) cause her "date" (joking) wanted to sit next to her

like ok I see I'm not as important I guess

no matter how much I try to, like, insert myself, it's like running against a wall

even with places I feel like I belong I don't really belong

I just want to be someone's first choice or priority for once

#this is supposed to be a happy evening but I'm sad now #I've really been trying not to let it get to me and to involve myself but #if people would rather put their attention on others #that's okay too #why am i never enough #also fun fact that i actually got locked in the room today cause #they forgot i was in there #didn't check if i was in the bath or anything #always fun having to literally send a whatsapp message like 'hey help I'm locked in'#everyone always forgets about me #cylas speaks

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shimmering-ocean · 1 year

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It’s probably because it’s late and I need to sleep but I’m feeling really hurt. I have been feeling really hurt. I was, really invested in that relationship. And I realize that it’s been 5 months but it was 15 years of my life. I’m still feeling so much pain and anger and grief. I still cry some everyday no matter what I do. I’m trying but it’s so hard to try and reconcile anything. Every person I’ve ever been that close to has ended up hurting me in such a deep an fundamental way.

I’m just so tired. I’m tired of my heart hurting. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of being so angry I can’t think. I’m tired of trying to be okay. I’m so tired.

I wish someone would just hold me and tell me I’m going to be okay. I feel so alone.

#personal #i’ll probably delete this later #thing is stuff’s going pretty good right now #i have two wonderful partners i adore #and my best friends are some of the greatest people I’ve ever known #but still it’s about the hurt #and wondering what it is about me #or with me #that I continuely get hurt by the people i love #why am i never enough #or worthy of love and respect #i feel so othered…isolated…alone #i just want to be loved #i just want to be happy #why is it so hard

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willoftrees · 17 days

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idk, i just wish ppl wanted my pussy like they wanted everyone else's u_u

#idk sometimes it feels like i'm so mentally ill ppl want to keep as far away from me as possible #despite me managing pretty fucking well #idk #idk so hard #why do ppl dislike me #it hurts so much #ineed friends #i need lovers #i need to feel wanted #why am i never enough #why does no one want me #why is it never enough

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l0lz1ez-x3 · 4 months

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so, guys imma be honest with you (I mean I already am, considering the rants about my mom) but Christmas is tomorrow and I'm anything but happy or excited. (vent below the cut)

because of how much work I've done irl I haven't had a chance to get gifts for my online friends, which I normally have a lot of gifts for them but I've only been able to get two things because of how much I've been tired. and I know they won't be mad about it because I always get them so much and they understand I'm overworked but it still makes me feel guilty because I use gift giving as a way to "repay people" for what I lack in social skills and personality in a way.

I'm not keeping up with my basic needs and helping my mom, and my brother started helping again after months and so I thought that was fine. I still help her but I'm just not all the time, right? well apparently that's not good enough. I've always helped her since I could literally walk and she says shit like "you barely help out" "it's been months since you've helped me with anything" and it's stupid because I put up with so much shit, take so much of her screaming at me and Insulting me and I've never even raised my hand to her.

my brother on the other hand? straight up physically abusive. and she does nothing about it because "he's just a boy and that's what boys do" and she "needs to raise him differently from me because he doesn't listen like I do" yeah, I wonder why. maybe because I'm scared of you from all the threats and you use yelling against me when we both know that's a trigger for my PTSD but yeah. I wonder why he doesn't listen to you, maybe because I listen to you out of literal fear and discomfort and he only gets a "if you don't pick up your room I'm fucking grounding you for a week" and never actually gets grounded, no matter how long he doesn't clean. and for me? opposite way around as always. and she has the audacity to say "I'm not favoring him I love you both equally" yet if I went missing, even with everything I do, she'd be more set on searching my phone. and not for places I'd be, but for things to yell at me for if i came back because thats all that makes her happy. is putting the blame on a 13 year old who already has multiple mental health issues and mental illnesses / disabilities because of her parenting.

I spent a total of a month and 20 days making gifts for my mom and my brother and what did I get as repayment last night and probably again today? verbal and emotional abuse!! why? because I've been tired and my yarn was a little disorganized. I don't know why I even try anymore, it's nothing worth crying about anymore. it's not worth being mad about, or being upset by. I wish I was numb, I don't wanna feel anything anymore. it's exhausting.

thanks, Mom. merry Christmas to you to.

#im tired #this is exhausting #tw verbal abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw abuse #i hate my mom #i want to be loved #i want to be numb #i hate this #why am i never enough #im sorry

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madwomanwithawarehouse · 1 year

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#why am i never enough #seriously why doesn't anyone love me enough to even slightly inconvenience themselves???#i'm so tired of being an afterthought

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the-moon-took-my-nightmares · 1 year

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Why do people take advantage of my niceness? I've worked so hard to not be a shit person just for shit people to use me for everything I've worked so hard on. Using me for whatever reason they've come up with that I'd be good for. I'm so fucking tired of being treated so badly 💔

#lonely #sad #broken #why am i never enough

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lovecrazedpup · 1 year

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crying over him when his song comes on

#im so tired #why am i never enough #ive never been enough and im gonna fucking kill myself for it #i just want him to talk to me #hes probably calling other girls rn and not even watching his shows #probably sexting other girls too #just bc im not enough anymore #bc im not whoring myself out to him anymore bc i realise im fucking disgusting #im abt to fucking break i rlly cant do this anymore #but im gonna come crawling back to him tmrw bc i love him #and i fucking hate myself for it #this is the first time ive actually felt *loved* and i dont get it bc ive never cried this much over anyone before #i dont know what to do #usually id call a friend of ours rn bc i dont feel as annoying but i *know* hes busy so i cant #but im so scared of cutting rn since im 8 months clean #and itd ruin christmas #but i just know if i go ‘hey im scared of cutting myself rn’ itll be manipulative #but im so scared #i wish he cared for me as much as i do him #i wish he understood how to deal with me but i know no matter what i say is just gonna come across as red flags and hes gonna leave #he says he understands bpd and when i sent resources he was like ‘yea i know’ so i didnt go in depth abt my triggers but also FUCK #isnt it kinda common bpd knowledge that ignoring (intentional or not) them can set them off ????#and like aidboabdksnskandvak i fucking just want COMFORT i just want him to call me and reassure me and say that its ok #that im not a burden for feeling this way and that im ok and that he loves me #im trying so fucking hard to bottle all of this up but every day is getting worse and worse #and i KNOW im gonna blow up and say smth i can never take back #but what am i meant to do #im trying to be like . yknow . not a mentally ill manipulative standard sterotypical bpd gf #please i am begging you to respond #jamie.txt

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inkskinned · 11 months

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one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.

one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.

i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.

the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.

my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.

i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.