#We're A Condom

[keyh0use]

I look away from my phone in embarrassment every time I'm forced to read the word member in reference to dick

#prick is my fav its so idk yall idk #dick is good its universal she does a lot for a story #cock is fine #im waiting for it to be great #sometimes it makes me giggle #last on the list we have penis which should never be used unless we're reading a fucking medical textbook #i guess maybe length?? i use that sometimes but only as filler cause ive said prick cock dick too much #....do yall even care im sharing my most personal opinions?? #my feelings are as raw as rafebarry fckin #(rafe hates condoms)

[moonchild-in-blue]

I am cradling your face gently and kissing your forehead and your cheeks and making you a nice warm meal because you successfully phone called. I'm proud of you my dear ! You are amazing. 💙

Thank you so much by brethren 💙 I am positively blushing and slurping your meal.

Family photo:

#we're touching foreheads together btw. i love will 💙 #idk why i look like a condom here but oh well :/ #darya answers

[bourbon-ontherocks]

this is the depressing ask. beware. 😂 

first I want to thank the writers for so helpful reminding us of 305 with the line about naked suspects. clearly, morgane wasn’t there to witness adam’s frightful interrogation because she’d have eviscerated him then and there (that’s what I like to think, at least). 

bref. the ending. are we really doing this? I feel like this conversation’s been had a thousand times before yet the show doesn’t seem to have heard any of it. or doesn’t care. (I’ll let you list off the reasons why it’s an awful twist, if you feel up to it, because I’m frankly too tired for that) 

I hate the way they showed a sonogram as if to hammer home she’s carrying a child, not a fetus, when it's the other way round. I hate the mamma mia montage, as if figuring out whose genes are involved is the priority. I hate the 306 retcon, get this shit away from me, both their drinks were spiked. I hate that we’re supposed to believe none of these grown adults (the ones who weren’t drugged, at least) considered protection. especially morgane--she’s had DREAMS about this, ffs, there’s no way that wouldn’t cross her mind. I hate the ramifications of every single way this could go down (too long to expound but you get me). I hate that there’s even a shred of doubt about how this will go down. I hate that they served us some watered-down so-called feminist juice for a whole season and still decided to use morgane’s body as an open ground for drama. 

given the way they’ve addressed the question in the ep, I’m very pessimistic about s4. Idk about you but my only solace is knowing it’s out of our hands, anyway, so I don’t have to waste my energy trying to change anybody’s mind. 

thanks for sticking along on this ride. wouldn't have had it any other way. and good luck for the year ahead of us, everybody. the only way out is through! 🤞

Nodding along at everything you said because yeah, and also while I liked Adam's line about naked suspects, your point about Morgane finding out about it just gave me a fantastic idea to add to my WIP, so thank you for that!

Now for the ending.

I think there are two main points to distinguish here because obviously, my personal distaste for pregnancy and baby storylines makes the idea of Morgane bearing a fourth child everything I don't want to see. BUT, had the circumstances been wildly different, I could have come to terms with it and accepted it, as in "Yeah I don't like this turn of events but I can get over it because it makes sense narratively and serves an interesting purpose". What actually makes this finale awful are the circumstances of this pregnancy, and now we're getting to the essay-ish part of this post where I'll try to explain

Why HPI finale is lazy, infuriating, and profoundly anti-feminist

Just like you point out, this mamma mia scenario was already explored in… well… mamma mia, plus countless other stories, zero originality here, I expected better from HPI tbh. And I read just yesterday an interview with the producer saying "Season 4 be like, we're looking for a baby daddy instead of a murderer lolilol", yea guess what, I DON'T CARE. For a while after watching the episode, I dared to hope that the montage in the end was purposefully misleading, that soon Morgane would come to her senses and remember that she did use protection with at least Timothée and David, because I 100% agree with you, it's ridiculous to make us believe that none of these people ever had a thought about contraception. Timothée even said "We're not trying yet", which means he kinda knows how not to try, no? And also I can accept the idea that Morgane isn't on any kind of birth control because it happens (some women react badly to pills and IUDs, etc), but she was with Ludo for half a season so they must have used condoms, she has to know and think about it (and like you said, she's DREAMED of it, and explicitly said that SHE DIDN'T WANT A FOURTH KID - I'll get to that later because it makes me fume). Besides, she's had three kids already, she knows how this all works. So yeah, it's lazy and implausible.

What I find particularly infuriating in this 3-baby-daddies plotline is also the deeply misogynistic trope of seeing a female character unable to enjoy an unapologetic sex life with multiple partners without getting punished by the script with an unwanted pregnancy. This is the literal definition of slut-shaming by the way. I was going to say that I didn't see where you found feminist vibes in the show, but then I remembered how much I loved the way Morgane expresses her feminity, her desire, and her sexuality, and…. yea, this is exactly the point I'm trying to make (also I loved seeing childfree, 40+ characters who were thriving but that's another discussion I guess). Seeing that we're still there in 2023 legitimately makes me sick.

Speaking of misogynistic tropes… I guess the ONE detail that really makes me want to throw spears at the writers is the sixteen weeks' mention. By purposefully making her too far in her pregnancy for abortion, they robbed her of having a choice. I mean, they could have got her two months pregnant, and then for some bad (imo) reasons she'd have decided to keep the baby, it would have made no difference for what's coming next. I wouldn't have loved it, sure, but it would have been fine by me because at least it'd have been her decision. Here she's just subjected to the plot, and like you said, her body is used as a narrative tool, and it feels like a slap in the face. Not to mention that even here they fucked up the timeline, because she fucked Timothée, David, and Adam in the span of like 4 days, right? Literally the day after the LSD adventures she and Adam decide to wait for three months, and the montage insists on how on the schedule they are. And I'd say that 307-308 happen within a week maximum because Redbone's not one to wait three weeks for his money lol. So 3 months is 12, 13 weeks at most, which means that in the end, Morgane is 14 weeks pregnant AT BEST (which makes her still eligible for abortion, mhhhh, see where I'm going with this? 🤔), and not 16. The only valid explanation would be that it's Timothée's baby and that she was already pregnant when she had her other encounters, but since the show seems to go in another direction, then it means that they purposefully fucked up the numbers so that she CANNOT consider abortion, which is the most dehumanizing, disempowering thing you can do to a female character.

They're literally forcing a pregnancy on her, and I want to throw up every time I think about it.

Speaking of which. Morgnane's already had three kids. Also, she told us in season 2 about her first-trimester symptoms. And she's supposed to be smart, hell that's the WHOLE point of the show. So there's no way she wouldn't have noticed that she was pregnant again, unless she denied her pregnancy (which would explain her total absence of symptoms, incredulity at the hospital, and possibly the fact that her brain erased her sexytimes with Adam). Now pregnancy denial is one of my greatest fears in life, so I can hear that this was particularly triggering for me specifically, but still, this is an incredibly traumatic experience to throw at her, and a source of huge emotional distress. SHE STATED SHE DIDN'T WANT A FOURTH KID FOR FUCK'S SAFE AND YOU ARE FORCING HER TO GET ONE WHEN SHE'S AT HER LOWEST, AND YOU'RE EXPECTING US TO FIND THIS FUNNY??????? I mean just go sell potatoes and stop writing shows because this is an insult to the art of writing.

😠🔪😭

Sorry I need a minute to have a good cry and yell at the abyss.

.

Okay, I'll just close the 16-week essay by saying that I entirely blame Audrey Fleurot for this, and this is what I base my theory on:

I mean, cool bro if it worked for you (except it didn't, do you want to talk again about your post-partum? Is that what you're planning for Morgane?) and I get that acting can be a therapy in some way, but this is getting way too close to the target, just get the fuck out of the writing room if that's what you're going to come up with, PLEASE.

I'm not sure where you see a 306 retcon though, for me it's pretty clear they were both under the influence, had sex, and blacked out about it (which as @earanie and @hemerae-ramblings pointed out, is highly unrealistic since memory losses are NOT a side-effect of LSD, but I can hear the argument of denial here). But speaking of 306, the finale completely doomed this episode for me, because in retrospect it feels like a giant set-up. The LSD scene is ONLY here to make it possible for Adam to have unprotected sex (side point here, I'm actually not mad they hooked up, even though it's kind of frustrating to see it happen this way, because I find the "offscreen banging reveal" a hilarious yet underused trope, and also I like the messiness), and while this last point is in a way funny, the worst part is the three months window at the end, which has in fact NOTHING to do with Adam sorting his feelings or whatever but is only here to forbid the possibility of abortion for Morgane, and this makes me want to stab people multiple times.

Also, one last thing that I find absolutely disgusting is the fact that Morgane and Adam (presumably) conceived a baby against their will (there's a whole other discussion to have about consent here but I won't go there for today) while solving a case about a BABY BORN FROM RAPE. I mean, can you make it more icky than that? Do the writers even acknowledge the irony of this? Do they even care? This baby is doomed by the narrative from the fertilization stage, and we're supposed to enjoy it as a comedy?

And now I assume we'll get to watch a forced coming together between Adam and Morgane due to the circumstances, which means that even if they end up together we'll never know if they actually wanted it? What a way to kill a ship, man, I've seen shows pretty efficient at ship-sinking but this has to be in the top three.

(somehow there's a wild irony in the fact that both the showrunners and the main cast have been saying on repeat from season 1 that they didn't want to make that disappointing season that ruins most shows, and yet they managed to spectacularly fuck-up and promise the worst season ever, and they're already paying for it audience-wise...)

See, all of this is the silver lining I'm holding onto for now, in the hope of a miscarriage (which would also be incredibly traumatic for Morgane, and still an objectified-by-the-plot scenario, but at this point our options are limited. Also for now the showrunners are only mentioning the pregnancy but not the baby so maybe there's a tiny chance she actually doesn't have it), because there's no way anyone could rejoice from this. And if she does have this baby, and if it's Adam's, then I'll officially change their shipname from Brosse Adam to Brosse & Rachel, and this will probably be my last contribution to this fandom. Hated this in Friends, will hate it in HPI.

I'm not pessimistic about season 4, anon, I just don't want to consider it at all. Obviously, I'm ready to withdraw everything I said here if they choose the only acceptable outcome (abortion) and actually make an extremely powerful narrative and political statement about it, but I know it's off the table. Having to endure such a plotline in 2023, at a time when women's right to dispose of their own bodies is threatened everywhere in the world, is a very painful punch in the face, and I sincerely hope they'll get a ton of backlash on social media for this. I just saw this morning that the airing of 308 had the lowest audience numbers ever in the show's history, and I can't say that it makes me unhappy.

(I was lowkey hoping for a cancellation at this point, even though I know the chances weren't great, but I found out today that the show was officially renewed so we won't even get the solace of knowing they can't do any further damage... Eh 🤷‍♀️)

Finally, the thing that saddens me the most isn't even what they did to Morgane and to the show, it's what they did to our community as a result. I have been alone in this fandom for almost a year, and it was incredibly frustrating. And then people joined, created content, interacted, had fun, and we had such an amazing time together, writing, giffing, vidding, sharing theories, jokes, and thoughts. I've met some incredible, witty people, some of them I dare to call friends. And now it feels like everything is falling apart. Friends are leaving, or considering to. Group chats have turned into support groups. The writers didn't only ruin the show, they took away the enjoyment we gathered from it, and it sickens me. Personally, I've had a very rough first semester of 2023, and this community is what has kept me afloat. It's made me smile and laugh in times of sadness, it's given me a shiny, quirky escape that I'll never be grateful enough for. And to witness it all collapsing really hurts. I do hope it's just a bump in the road, that we'll come back eventually, sticking together and collectively despising canon, ignoring it by ferociously writing AUs, and roasting the timeline, and making Daphné-centered vids, but I'm not even sure myself where I stand regarding my own involvement in this fandom. Nothing else to say, I just miss what we had, that's all 😢

Now that I'm thinking about it, "J'avais tellement envie que ça marche entre nous" is exactly how I feel about canon right now. You know when I said that getting into a new hyperfixation felt like falling in love? Well, this shitty ending feels like getting ugly dumped.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, anon, and thank you for sticking with me too. It's too early to say if this is officially the end of Julia's adventures with the HPI anon or not, but please know that I've loved every second of the ride and that I will never forget it 🥲

😘🥃👻

#julia's adventures with the hpi anon #this deserves its own post I think #hpi #tf1 hpi #hpi tf1 #hpi finale #hpi season 3 #pregnancy #tropes #misogyny #feminism #patriarchy #morgane alvaro #anon #ask #writing this drained my soul phew #but at least I said what I had to say #I really don't understand how we're expected to believe nobody used protections #I mean maybe that's because I grew up during AIDS years and there were tv ads constantly reminding ppl to wear condoms but #for me this is not something you just overlook

[saltygilmores]

35 Unique Ways I've Wished Death And Injury Upon Dean Forester (So Far) While Rewatching Gilmore Girls (In Chronological Order)

1. Stuffed into a sack and thrown over a fence 2.Rory feeds him poisoned cookies 3. Lorelai slams his fingers or his head in her window instead of flirting with him Romeo and Juliet style after she catches him peeping into her house 4.Rory and Lorelai glare at him until he dissolves 5. Hit by a car 6. A display of watermelons falls on him at Doose’s and flattens him 7. In episode 1/16, Dean offers to throw himself under a train, so I listen for the sound of the approaching locomotive but it never comes 8 He drops dead from exhaustion because that "You built me a car/I built you a car" exchange goes on for too long 9 Genitals are mauled by a pack of guard dogs in the junk yard of that same You Built Me A Car scene 10 Slams his fingers in the door of said car he built 11 He develops a debilitating allergy when the town is over run with 1,000 yellow daisies 12 Barbequed 13 Rory smashes his fingers with a hammer (wish for smashd fingers #3) 14 Rory whacks Dean over the head with a giant umbrella 15 Rory impales him in the eye with a giant umbrella 16 Another wish for a hit and run accident 17 After bludgeoning Christopher with the giant Oxford English Dictionary, Rory then does the same to Dean

18 A meteor crashes through his house (one of my favorites) 19 Head bashed in with a safe 20 Strangled by his Doose's Market apron 21 Drinks laundry detergent 22 Mauled by a mountain lion 23 Choking on a chicken bone 24 He's stocking cans of beans at work, and then the cans topple over and suffocate him and then they bring in those dogs that sniff for people buried under rubble and even though the dogs find him they pretend they don’t and ignore him 25 Carried away by a swarm of insects 26 Hit square in the junk with a flying basketball so he can never reproduce 27 Infected splinter 28 Lindsay murders Dean and puts his head in her freezer 29 Rory misses another opportunity to poison Dean's food (Picnic Basket auction) but it works out since Jess eats it instead 30 Drown 31 Gangrene 32 Wish for slammed fingers #4 (Rory slams his fingers inside a book) 33 More genital crushing (run over by a lawnmower) 34 Rory kicks him in the nuts 35 Falls into volcano

#gilmore girls #Anti Dean Forrester #Dean Forester is a broken condom accident #His parents should have dropped him off at an orphanage in the middle of the night rang the doorbell and run away #no one would miss him #no one is coming to his funeral #and we're not even done with season 2 yet #Maybe I can bring it up to 50

[captain-noir]

louis entire plight can be summed up as a monsterfucker wanting to transgress the constrains of his boring life by hitting and quitting the local french vampire (once) only to be transformed into a monster himself and now they’re married and they have a baby and how did it end up like this it was only a kiss it was only a kiss

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #truly such a citygirl experience #situationship with the french white turned serious #a baby is on the way! someone poked holes in the condom this wasnt planned #we're catholic divorce isnt an option i have to kill you #louis really girlbossed too close to the edison bulbs (he'd be dead if we carried the metaphor through)

[uglynavel]

After discovering solar/eco punk aesthetic/lifestyle years ago and the more I watch the Avatar movies the more angry I get and start to low-key believe that Poison Ivy was kinda right

#the modern world is so ugly #if i see one more parking lot being built or ugly suburban home im going to start buring shit down #and so many people dont fucking care #i see avatar and fuck that's how we're supposed to live #both socially and ecologically #avatar James Cameron #avatar the way of water #atwow #batman #poison ivy #im not saying i condome eco terroism #but im getting real pissed off with the way the world is headed

[meownotgood]

i wanna bind akis hands with his fanny pack

the things I would do to this husbandly man when he's wearing his cute little fanny pack

#you don't even wanna KNOW #the fanny pack stays ON #I wonder what he's got in there #hopefully a full row of condoms cause we're gonna need it #ask mags

[bil-daddy]

Hair net the beard when kissing [REDACTED] or doing [REDACTED]

No. I put a condom on it. Safety first.

#bildaddy answers #bildad nation #shutanic temple #bildad brainrot #oh bildad the shuhite we're really in it now #oh bildad we're really in it now #bildad my beloved #have a condom (not platonic)

[memorydragon]

As a long time member of fandom who has seen.... I won't say everything because that's just asking for trouble, but A Lot. I think condoms are so underutilized in fic. Like So much. Not because fiction must reflect real life or anything, no kink shaming (obligatory 'please have safe sex irl' from elder Ace aside) . But honestly the amount of comedic gold that's being missed is a tragedy.

#this is Mem's life #in other words I was *cackling* #while reading a danmei and the characters paused mid sex to get the condom delivery #not even stopping for clothes #as told by the pov of the meituan delivery dude who just sees a bare arm grabbing the package #and the door slamming shut XD #I would be the force to change the world but that would require writing sex #fade to black or otherwise #and we're just not getting that far

[everydayesterday]

I. am. going. over. to. a. girl’s. place. oh. my. god. this. counts. as. a. date. right?  am. I. dating?  

#me #dating #dating apps #hinge #oh my fucking god #we're not gonna fuck #it's just because she has a broken leg and can't really go anywhere #I mean I presume we're not gonna fuck #I'm not bringing condoms with me #but if I have physical chemistry with someone we usually get very handsy quickly #but yeah I'm gonna guess that fucking with a broken leg is off the table #so that lessens the anxiety about that #I've not slept with someone since before the pandemic began

[abstractreign]

What's in your medicine cabinet? ( → @strawberry-barista )

( → send a number and i'll list what my muse keeps in said container !! sent in from a while back; still accepting, though )

— as joshua has been dead for over a decade, and sanae has been absent from the lower planes for about four years, the cabinet in their bathroom is nearly empty, at present. what little is left of its contents are:

a small, half-spent jar of hair wax, a couple of combs, a bin of hair pins, a single, unused toothbrush in a pack of three, an unopened pack of disposable safety razors, and a solitary CAT-designed condom, situated inside a small display case fastened to the back of the cabinet door.

#strawberry-barista #we're always sleeping in⸴ and sleeping for the wrong team ❯ answered ooc #maybe i'm broken⸴ but i'm not sure ❯ study #og hc post tbt. #{ fhefbehrbe okay a big reason why it took me this long to get to this ask is because #{ the answer's mostly underwhelming fnefe ; though there /is/ minor info to be inferred from what ISN'T in the cabinet #{ like. josh hasn't personally stored anything in it for a long time now; sanae had been the only one actively using it until his capture #mentioned: heavenshot #nsft #{ if only bc of the displayed condom bc these two are so fucking stupid #ip don't look

[darubyprincx]

joel smallishbeans i am going to bitch slap you straight to superhell

#ray's tag #WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM #WHAT'S WRONG WITH JIMMY #THERE WILL BE NO SEX ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!!! #they can't swear and yet the innuendoes are so thick you could hang a condom off of them #i hate them i hate them i hate them <- romance and sex repulsed aroace #exhales. Anyways we're just going to ignore that #we don't watch either of them anyways so i think we're good #still. christ on a whole wheat bicycle.

[hydrosspyross]

My cousin is pregnant

She tells me "it's a surprise i had an IUD"

So i tell her "oh i am an IUD baby!"

#moral of the story be careful with your birrh control #and maybe double it by still using condoms #but we're happy about the baby #also one of my cousins -other side of family- is a condom baby #and my mom has a friend who had a pill baby #the adults are all the third child✌️

[dongiovannitriumphant]

following from that observation it's really not that weird that my most treasured regency event/vibing moment was when z*ck and I were just walking around a public park together and pointing out what would be good cruising spots as a spontaneous game between us

#the over-active spleen #i won the game by finding a hole in a hedge and there were condoms inside #we're extremely normal actually

[petrichorvoices]

What your doing right now is GOALS. Great job y'all

THANK YOUUUUU THIS GIVES US THE PERFECT EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT OUR DAY

ok so pride. holy fucking shit. this was our first pride and it was INCREDIBLE. we were completely decked out with like, half binder, skirt & suspenders, sweatpants rolled up. we had a ton of pins, we had all our jewelry. we stayed up last night drawing pride flags and trans symbols and lyrics all over us, and we still had them today

we got to be in the parade. we got to be in the parade!!!! we were with our uni, we rode on the back of a car, it was incredible. we had an ace flag we were carrying and by far our favourite part of the parade was noticing people with ace flags, waving ours at them, and them waving theirs back at us. we ended up crying during the parade, because holy shit, look at all these people, look at how loudly queer we all are

there were so many incredible people there. we found an aspec group in the city, so we're going to check them out. we saw a group of people in leather and rubber and this one guy had a fucking awesome rubber tail, it moved in such a neat way

there was a festival at the end of the parade, and at the entrance of it there was a pair of religious dudes being all bigoted, so we joined some other people in drowning them out with stuff like "Jesus was trans, you heard it here!"

from there we managed to find our friend {we met him yesterday, she's so fucking cool, and they might end up being our fourth roommate since her roommate is kinda bigoted}, and we walked around for a while. we got some flags!!!! gods it was SO hard to find a gay man flag, literally only one booth had it. but we got a big genderqueer flag, we got a genderqueer sticker for our laptop, it was great

inside this building they had it set up as the wellness centre, so they had a bunch of information on STIs and drug use and whatnot. they were giving out like, free condoms, dental dams, etc, they even had free STI testing right then and there. there was some group there surveying gay men for sexual health awareness or whatever and we got ten bucks out of it which was great

after pride we went grocery shopping for basics, stuff like milk and eggs, and we were perhaps too comfortable walking around the grocery store with "fag" written on our leg but a bunch of other people from pride were there too. afterwards we went home, our friend cooked some stuff, we just hung out for a bit, and now he's on his way back to her place and we're writing this post

it really makes us so incredibly happy that we're here and being who we've always wanted to be, who we know we are. we get to be loud and proud and confident!!!! we're having an incredible time so far and we're excited to be here

#ask #anon #rambling #long post #some of the condoms they were giving out were glow in the dark that was cool #we're excited for classes to start but we're also enjoying the time leading up to it #ok now we need to go wash this off and then pass out