#The song that was playing in my head while writing this was Night shift FYI | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sofijaeger · 3 years

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Felt sad/broke down crying earlier due to having a rough night (plus last few weeks). Can I request an Eren and Reader one-shot or Drabble where Eren sees Reader breaking down crying in bed after he got out of the shower and comforts Reader by wrapping her (Reader sleeps in clothes just an fyi) in his completely bare body she adores/loves, cuddles, whispering kindness to her, and lullabies to make her feel better? Thank you! (I’ll just call myself 🌻 anon if that’s okay with you)

my sunflower anon,

i’m so so sorry you’ve been having a rough past few weeks, and i was seriously debating on replacing eren’s name in this with my own so i could tell you how much you are loved by me. My dms are open for you always if you ever feel comfortable sharing how you feel, but I hope this can bring a bit of happiness to your day!

warning: thoughts about dignity, some nudity

i use the nickname Er (like air) for him, though i know a lot of people use Ren too. If you’d like me to change it to something else i’d be more than happy to!

i didn’t get to proof read, so apologize for any errors. and yes, Rex Orange County helped me write this:)

the feeling was back.

This flow of dejection fueling your entire body like it relied on sorrow as its only source of energy, not needing rest or even a good meal to supply it anymore. You could barely remember the reasons for why you felt like this, succumbing to the typical numbness of being down while giving up was an option you hated but found so simple to obey. And after time and time again you felt more content with keeping it here, inside of you where it wouldn’t bother anyone but yourself.

Not even a gleam of joy shone through your eyes as he pulled out of your driveway, one hand rotating the wheel, the other immediately searching for your clammy palm. Not from sweat or nerves, but from the tears you had forgotten to dry off before he arrived. Eren was well aware though. He always seemed to know, to understand.

You were utterly grateful, how could you not be when your escape from reality was right beside you, rescuing you to your safe haven. A place he was quite familiar to all his life, hoping someday you wouldn’t have to be a drive away but could tend to his own heartache for you in the comfort of a home you’d share. But at the moment, your mental state wasn’t the best at supporting your emotions as it usually was, and that was his priority. Apathetically leaning your forehead against the rainy glass window, you just relaxed to his hums of Rex Orange County.

It was funny, really. He chose this song on purpose for you. One that even if you weren’t familiar with it conveyed his feelings in less than five minutes, almost perfect timing to his home.

I don’t wanna see you cry,

you don’t have to feel this emptiness.

And he hummed along, reminding you of how comforting he wanted his presence to be, and how happy it made your heart in return.

“I’m gonna hop in the shower okay babe? I had an extra-long practice today.” Eren huffed with a soft smile, testing if positivity could lighten your mood. He was always so diligent, and you thought of it just about every day. How was it possible to keep a facade so inspiring anyone could feel a surge of power emit from themselves. A morality that made you question what interest he found in someone like yourself who tried to be there for others, but felt helpless, selfish in the end to her own needs.

Even after you could barely respond to his simple conversations he was still trying to make you feel better, and you were too dazed in your own world to comply. “Are you sure you don’t wanna come in with me?” He raised and dropped his eyebrows in that ‘typical flirty’ manner. One you normally agree to with a laugh if you hadn’t bathed in your own tears before he picked you up. So you answer with a light smile, one too fragile he easily sensed a cycle of your tears would be making another round. He hummed, giving your forehead a light kiss before jogging into the bathroom.

A gentle bass of the television played alongside endless questions piercing through your mind. But you didn’t know who to blame, you couldn’t blame anyone. No one but yourself bringing the people down around you when you didn’t even have enough energy to find a solution. Was it finally starting to show? Would you bring everyone into this pain with you? You couldn’t do that, not to Eren.

The water echoing into his bedroom felt like the only alternative to drowning out the second wave of cries you began pouring out that night, praying your boyfriend wouldn’t hear you. How could you concern him when all he ever did was bring you happiness. It wasn’t fair to him.

“Stop, just stop.” you cry out, pressing both your hands down your face as if distorting it for a few seconds could make you toughen up. But attempting to silence yourself was no easy task, between the dialogue of the TV cartoons and the fog seeping into his bedroom you sat in. It was all too much.

This feeling, you wanted it gone, or at least to know it wouldn’t come back, but it was strangling you.

Fortunately, this noose of anxiousness began to loosen, with the creak of the bathroom door and toned, bare arms gripping you in whole. Eren overheard you, he’d never close the door to leave you in your own shell. It practically brought tears to his own eyes listening to you suffer while he bathed, alone.

One-minute baby, give me one more minute. he repeated, sloshing the conditioner out of his hair before patting himself dry, then wrapping a towel around his waist and hurrying towards you.

Eren engulfed you from behind, situating your fragile state into his lap. The little jolts of your chest quickened, so he rested your head against his collarbone with one hand, finding your waist with the other, allowing yourself to breath the fresh steamy air of the shower.

This was easily the highlight of your day. Him, making what had happened before completely unimportant. What mattered now was the thin towel tied around his waist and your sweats being the only separation from a full blend of your bodies. His damp chest would do though, releasing that familiar musky scent you had already begun hypnotizing yourself into.

Eren didn’t say a single word at first, letting your own thoughts to come to terms with your body. By the steadiness of your pulse he placed his fingers upon would he then serenade you with his honest tenderness.

“Baby...” he elongated, beginning to stray pieces of your hair from your sticky skin. He wasn’t even sure what to begin with himself. Between trying to find just one quality of yours he admired so much and the nurture you provided him, even at times like these made him feel in debt. You were his family despite being his love, and the comfort you found in him, the trust you willingly let yourself fall into his arms with, cries you couldn’t bear to keep away made his heart so full.

Eren would always be indebted to your love.

He guided you down onto the bed, slowly flipping your positions in the process. His hair displayed tiny droplets onto your collarbone while his nose found your neck, nuzzling just a little closer to your ear with every rub.

“I can’t Er I-” you made out of your shaky breathes, sniffing in future sobs. But Eren wouldn’t let you hold it in, not for him at the very least. He shifted up your neck and pressed his body right on top of yours. “Let it out for me, please,” he whispered, begging that his weight could squeeze out any last ties holding you together. And they did untie, for your throat broke down, emerging into weeks of tension and built up hopelessness.

“It’s all too much Eren, I can’t do this anymore!” You wept, pulling him closer to you with every inhale. You didn’t want to let him go, let this moment slip away. And he would listen, not beginning to interfere until you were exhausted of your own thoughts, leaving your mind empty for his to infiltrate wholeheartedly.

He pressed further into you, squeezing all your thoughts out like an aura. His calloused hands found their way to your head, caressing it tenderly, and he kept his head by your lips, drowning himself deep into the voice of what possibly the most perfect girl in his life had to say for herself.

And while you tired yourself in your tears, he raised his head, kissing each one that spilled away, listening to every word wailed from your heart. He couldn’t be the one to change how you felt, for that solely relied on you, but he would guide you in every direction until you’d be able to smile on your own again.

Your half-lidded eyes following a slightly open jaw signified no more words could come out, and no tears were left to cry. It was his turn now, to make you feel loved, just like the one and only you are in his life, who he strives to become better for every day.

“Is there anything else you need to let out?” He cooed, brushing his knuckles up against your cheek. You melted into his touch, silencing yourself from the way he looked at you. The way his eyes exploded in a mesmerizing turquoise, full of admiration for you below him. He calmly smiled, examining each of your adorable features. Your heated complexion, disheveled hair, and shallow exhales made him bashful in your presence. He adored you.

“I wish you didn’t have to feel like this, you don’t deserve this pain.” He begun, ignoring your head shakes of disagreement. He felt awful, watching you side with your dark thoughts. It made him furious seeing them hold that light inside of you hostage.

“I love you. I love you for everything you are, and you better know my love for you will never weaken. You have my whole heart.” he took your palm, pushing it up against his warm, bare chest. That special heartbeat echoed through you like it was your own. “You feel that? It’s beating for you, and it will continue to.” He smiled down at you, radiating warmth you never wanted to let go of ever again.

“You’re my necessity, love. That will never change.”

If your tears could fall again they would, your mouth opening to say something, anything to share the love you felt for him. But Eren silenced you, emptying your mind again with a sweet kiss to your lips. Your eyes widened before relaxing into him, him wrapping a strong arm to your hips, caressing the soft skin with his thumb as the other guided your head closer to his. You pursed your lips loosely, for the feeling of his hand grazing your jaw made your nerves explode into a frenzy, his tongue peeked in every now and then to suck on your own before retracting back, extracting a few pleasureful whimpers and making you needier for him by the minute. He pulled back slowly, of course, letting the tease of himself end your kiss as he watched your eyes twitch in confusion from the loss of contact, before opening them with a pleading look to continue.

He just chuckled, meeting your nose with his in an Eskimo-like gesture.

“Eren I-“

“Shhh, let me take care of you,” he murmured, assisting you in removing your shirt to place you in his own. He was captivated by you, the little jolt your breasts made from the subtle movement, the effortless way your hair fell after being pulled up by the fabric. He watched you in awe. Though it wasn’t the time to fawn over your appeal, he couldn’t help it.

“Beautiful-“ he breathed, practically drooling in your existence as he crouched to meet the top of your chest, letting a few open mouth kisses slip out and down your figure as he reached your navel. He appreciated every little hitch in your breath, trying its hardest to become that little giggle he knew wonderfully. Making each other feel treasured was no difficult task when both of you could be valued as one another’s.

Before laying you down once more, he gave your lips a final peck, holding you beside his still bare skin. You didn’t mind the proximity and neither did he. You shifted to your side resting your head in the crease of his neck, smelling a woodsy mint release from his moist locks and look up, meeting his jawline to place a silent peck of thanks, for the affirmations now sunken deep into your heart, for entrancing you with his stunning physique and for being your other half to which no one else could complete.

“You’re mean everything to me_______, I mean that with nothing but the truth,” he responded, tickling his hand down your side, his lips meeting at your temple. He felt so homely, the coziness in his words, his touch. It was all so pure of him. Sure his feverish temper made you fall for him, but his mellowness kept your love unbroken.

A few gentle hums enhanced your sleepiness, slowly lagging behind his own as your eyes lidded shut. He was singing Sunflower again, you figured. The song could describe your relationship in a matter of minutes, the bond you two had shared for years transitioning from best friends to lovers. It was truly beautiful to think about, Eren was beautiful to think about.

And so he continued to hum until your soft, sleeping figure was well in its rest, a tiny raise in your frown guaranteeing he achieved what he wanted most, to make you smile.

“You know you need to get yourself to sleep and dream a dream of you and I. There’s no need to keep an open eye, I promise I’m the one for you just let me hold you in these arms tonight.”

Eren was beyond lucky to be himself, you could see it in his face. And after all the problems that had dragged you down, he was your boy, your reason to forget it all.

You honestly didn’t remember why, you let yourself get down in the first place.

#sofi’s🌻anon #my baby☺️#eren loves you so much<3 #shingeki no kyojin #eren x reader #eren jaeger x you #eren yeager x reader

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beautifulletdownfics · 5 years

Text

‘someday, someday’ :: tumblr edition, #20

Harry

For a brief moment I looked up across the space in front of me—beautiful Royal Albert Hall. The house lights were up and the stage empty and still. I was aware of the chilled air, the distinct smell of upholstered seats and comfortingly stagnant air took me back to all the times I stood in an empty venue the day of a show and just let myself be overwhelmed by the space.

My eyes dropped back to the program in my lap, cracked and folded open on the most precious few paragraphs I'd read in years.

There was so much I hadn't known about her.

… the youngest female horn player in the orchestra’s hundred year history …

… the youngest player to be invited to join the Blackpool Symphony Orchestra …

… finalist for the BBC Young Musician of the Year … winning the following year …

… Protégé of Maestro Vincent Ward …

“Holy shit,” I breathed aloud after my second read through, rubbing my hand over my chin as I scanned the whole page again. Nina was in the middle of the page, below her section lead, listed as Co Principal Trumpet. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.

The headshot beside Nina’s paragraph was beautiful—it captured her pretty eyes and was lit in a way that gave her mystery and soulfulness—but I was more impressed by the biography written in the program. I felt as though I needed a few moments to process each line. It was like meeting her for the first time all over again, and it was hard to attach the young woman I was reading about onto the Nina I knew when it seemed she was constantly underselling herself.

I'd never considered before just how humble Nina was, which was more a reflection on my not fully grasping the scope of her musicality than on Nina's attitude. Still, I was sure if I had been privy to the level of talent she was Nina would have still behaved the same way.

"I think Harry's going to cry," Max leaned forward and hitched his elbow on the armrest between us to look at Rodger on my other side, "He's read Nina's bio about a hundred times."

"I thought I heard sniffing," Rodger smirked, keeping his eyes ahead.

I looked between them both, "Would it really have killed either of you to sit me down at some point and just say 'FYI Harry, Nina's legitimately a genius.' I don't even know what half of these words mean but she’s amazing," I waved the program in front of Rodger's face.

He turned to looked at me, “Gifted,” Rodger corrected, “Nina's not just a genius. She's gifted. And it all means that Nina's way out of your league."

I rolled my eyes and hunched a little in my seat, "Thanks, mate."

"I'm teasing," Rodger said more gently. "Nina hated writing that. She might have even been a little bit serious when she said joining the orchestra wasn't worth feeling like such a twat, so I ended up writing it for her."

I smiled, imaging Nina having to write about herself in third person, "I can imagine. But she should be proud."

"That's what I told her," He said.

I scanned down the words again, "I didn't realised she went to Cambridge when she was sixteen. That's so young."

"They would have taken her sooner," Rodger supplied, "Richard was insistent she finish school with her mates first."

Nina's dad was also a discovery, she had definitely played down his status—whether deliberately or not I wasn't sure, although I was inclined to think it wasn't calculated. Nina spoke about her parents as parents, and she had only ever given details of Richard's job in terms of her family traveling around and living abroad depending on where he was working. I should have pieced together that he was significantly accomplished.

Reading the brief line about Richard certainly explained the Grand Tier seats we were ushered into and why he seemed to be stopped by half a dozen people in the foyer. Especially when I had only noticed one lingering glance aimed at me.

Richard was now standing next to his seat two rows above where Rodger, Max and I were seated, shaking the hand of a man who seemed to have a lot to say to him. I wasn't exactly sure what the title of 'Maestro' next to Richard’s name meant in classical music circles, but I knew enough to know the Italian label would be linked to some kind of prestige I'm sure was hard earned.

Something ugly balled in my stomach and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

Bree's father had weighed heavily on my brief relationship with her. In hindsight (and a little bit at the time as well) starting anything with the daughter of a record label executive had been unwise. Bree knew how to throw her father's name around and despite seeing the sinister side to it, the calculating and manipulative, I hadn't the good sense to avoid or stop myself being put in the situation I should never have been in. Even more stupidly, I was only ever halfway in the relationship—one foot out the door, or on the plane back to England—because while I liked her enough to physically be with her, I wasn't interested in anything more. All the while, I knew for Bree it was mainly about who I was and what it did to her ego to be seen with me. She was very in that world.

Nina wasn't from a world anywhere close to that, but I was certainly discovering a new world that she definitely was a part of. Everything outside of the actual music made Nina uncomfortable though, that much I knew. She was acutely aware of what was expected of her and I thought it was a credit to her for the way she fought against it to try to sort out what she actually wanted.

Gifted.

Nobody had quite let on how talented Nina was. I’d even been to a performance before, but that was only a few weeks into her joining the orchestra and so to now see her featured in the program as a soloist with her credentials clearly laid out I was coming to see how much my assumptions had undersold Nina. To have proved herself to the conductor and her seniors to such a degree in such a short space of time was remarkable in itself.

“Now you see why everyone lost their minds a bit at her quitting,” Rodger said quietly, pulling me out of my thoughts, “Whatever happened at Cambridge with that fucker sucked all this out of her,” He gestured to the room, “She’s brilliant, Harry. Brilliant. You don’t even know the half of it.”

“I think I’m beginning to,” I said slowly, my eyes flicking back to the photo in my lap.

+++

I hadn't been so enthralled by music in a long time.

It reminded me of the night of our first date when Nina and I went to see Les Miserables on the West End. I spent that night engulfed in music that hadn't previously moved me but suddenly with Nina did. I'd spent a good portion of that night watching Nina over what else was happening which was half of the magic. I would never have thought making a girl cry on a date could be a wonderful thing, but her emotional reaction had brought out one in me as well.

In Royal Albert Hall, my eyes were glued to her from the moment the lights came up on stage to reveal the orchestra and the conductor was introduced. I spotted her easily, standing in a back row on a riser with two other horn players. The first few pieces I watched her, hearing exactly where her part sat from seeing when she had her instruments to her lips and when she lowered it again.

I felt nerves like I've never felt before when she was introduced and started making her way to the from to the orchestra for the first song she was the soloist on. Her conductor introduced her as a “richly talented multi-instrumentalist” with “remarkable musical instincts”. I watched her while he spoke, she ducked her head but then graciously smiled at the audience, accepting the praise. I was surprised to see she stood with nothing in front of her—no music stand or sheet music.

I instantly readjusted myself in my seat and sat forward when I got a proper view of her. I hadn’t seen Nina today yet, and she had managed to skip over what she was wearing for the performance every time it had come up in conversation. She described it to me as floor length and boring, black and completely over the top. I squinted, annoyed she was so far away and craving seeing more.

It was floor length, with full lace sleeves but the dress was far from modest. It clung to her silhouette, mapping her curves perfectly with a low cut on her chest. What had me biting my lip painfully was the sinful split that went halfway up her thigh, showing off her legs and making the dress not at all boring and incredibly sexy. Desire for her burned, as if witnessing her talent alone wasn't going to be torture enough. My mind wandered back to having her up on my kitchen bench a week ago, my waist slotted neatly between the legs I was now trying unsuccessfully not to dwell on.

Nina’s performance was incredible, it started slowly and built. Nina commanded the attention of everyone and the melody was so beautiful and gentle my heart hurt with emotion. The sound from her instrument filled the room and witnessing the Royal Albert Hall alight with applause for her at the end of the song was overwhelming. I looked around Nina's friends and loved ones—everyone had tears in their eyes or were dabbing at their cheeks. Georgie couldn't seem to stop a very un-classical music whoop out, laughing at herself when it drew the attention of a few of the other audience members. Both Nina's parents had tears streaming down their faces, hands clung together.

After the second song Nina stood as the soloist, I clapped until my hands hurt and shook my head to myself in disbelief. Hearing a whole orchestra pushing her playing along, but feeling the tension in the fact that really she was leading them. The conductor was constantly glancing her way to make sure he directed the other players in order to showcase Nina's talent as best he could.

Nina's passion and talent was so attractive and it lit her up from the inside out. I was so proud to know her, even prouder to see that strength and power was inside her when I also knew some of the battles and struggles she faced.

There wasn't an inch of doubt in her performance, her shoulders squared and she was unwavering in her control of the notes she produced. Nina was a young woman capturing the entire Royal Albert Hall with her gift and I watched her gain the admiration and respect of them all.

I was baffled by the thought that I'd so seemingly just waltzed upon her in my life. I was initially so inexplicably drawn to Nina and had thought it was because she felt normal—she represented a kind of life and person that I'd come to appreciate the value in over the years. I was so used to people behaving strangely around me due to my public image that I had selfishly assumed she was intimidated by it.

Those initial few times I'd spent time with her she seemed to do everything in her power to not be the focus. There had been something about her that I was so captivated by though, and everything I'd learned about her since only served to intensify that feeling and reassure me that my gut feeling that knowing Nina would be special was worth it.

And now to have been completely humbled by how much more special she was than I had first though. Nina wasn’t normal at all—not by a long stretch.

My feelings for her were on fire and I just wanted to have her in front of me so I could tell her how brilliant and dazzling and remarkable she was.

+++

The foyer was full to the brim with friends and family of the orchestra, all waiting with excitement for their loved one to appear from the door. The room was buzzing happily, and every few minutes another group of the musicians would exit from the backstage door and be met by happy cries.

Nina eventually emerged with her section lead, Ryan, they shared a few words and a hug before parting ways. I knew that Nina was grateful to him for reaching out and including her right from the beginning, it could have been a hard transition socially to be the new player but from all her reports she had settled in well with the group.

I watched impatiently as Nina's dad appeared in front of her first, pulling her into a tight hug. She had a leather jacket over her dress now, but the low cut and split up the leg were still deliciously prominent.

I tuned out of the conversation Rodger and Max had been having about the best venues they'd been to and watched the exchange between Nina and her Dad. I angled myself so I could hear them better, not wanting to miss Nina getting the praise she deserved. Her cheeks were flush but her eyes were bright and happy. My gaze dropped to her exposed leg and then slowly back up, I swallowed thickly.

She looked positively radiant, and she met my lingering gaze on her, smiling at me and then tilting her head to one side in question at whatever she saw.

"Magnificent performance," Her dad said, drawing her back to him, "You shone up there, bravo."

"Thanks Dad," She said over his shoulder as they hugged again, Nina's eyes met mine again and I winked at her, earning a deeper blush.

“I mean it,” He continued, “I wouldn't have said a thing if you’d decided to never play again. But I’m so glad you did, Nina. So glad.”

"Dad," She replied quietly, looking briefly at her feet.

"How do you think it went?" He asked, watching his daughter closely. Richard's question wasn't a pushy one, there wasn't a sense of him being a 'stage parent'. His question was genuine, encouraging.

"It felt good," Nina started slowly, "It's taken a bit of time to feel like I'm gelling with everyone. But tonight felt good."

He put his arms lightly on her shoulders and levelled down so she was eye height, "Tonight was good. So good."

"I know I was sat in a dark spot, you hardly would have seen me," She said bashfully.

"You were brilliant, I heard every note," Richard said with finality. "Your tone and the buoyancy of your solos were magnificent."

"I get all my talent from my Dad," Nina grinned cheekily, "I owe it all to him." He smiled, "You owe it all to yourself. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks Dad."

He took her shoulders in his hands again and turned Nina around to face where the rest of us were standing, "You blew them all away too," he gave her a gentle shove in the right direction after pressing a kiss to her cheek, "For five minutes pretend you enjoy the attention, you've earned it."

I watched Nina take a deep breath before she stepped out, I hung back, feeling as though this was a moment for her family to have with her first.

"Darling!" Mae, Nina's mum got to her before anyone else, "You were spectacular! We're so proud of you!"

"Thanks Mum," Nina said, blushing when she looked back over to me and I was still watching her. I was passed worrying about being caught out staring at her.

Mae showed restraint I don't know that my own mother could have, still, I put it down to her understanding her daughter and knowing Nina didn't want to be made a fuss of, much less in the public foyer area. They had a conversation so quick I missed it when Bel and Georgia bumped into me trying to rearrange the bunches of flowers they had to give Nina.

"I'm going to go find your dad and we'll go back to the hotel," Mae hugged Nina again and kissed my cheek, "You come whenever you're ready. Champagne will be waiting for you."

She turned and left, and I watched her briefly as she approached Richard and as soon as he felt her arm on his shoulder the pair of them happily smiled at each other. The love between Nina's parents was obvious.

Nina's girlfriends engulfed her next and I was dragged back into conversation with Rodger and Max. They were bickering with Nina's cousin Josh about a film I hadn't seen but for some reason I needed to be a deciding vote on. I ended up turning to the smallest body, Nina’s youngest cousin, Olivier, who was looking around appearing to be a little lost in all the adult conversations around him. His eyes were trained on Nina though.

“I bet if you went and pounced on her for a hug it would make her night,” I told him, sinking some of my height so I was on a more even playing field with him.

His eyes widened and brightened as he looked up at me, “I want to,” He said, but then seemed to think better of it, “But my mum said I’m not allowed to get any marks on my new suit … Which means no tackling.”

Oliver’s hands brushed down the lapels of a suit that looked about three sizes too big and was probably brought large in the hope it would last him the next few years. It was clear that he had been specifically told tackling wasn’t allowed and I smiled, I could remember being that age and finding wrestling my cousins the best way to pass the time at family events.

“It is a very dapper suit,” I reasoned with him.

“Did you enjoy tonight, Harry?” He suddenly asked, all the guise of a kid who had been taught good manners and how to have conversation with grown ups. The words didn’t quite match the little personality I’d come to know him as, but I loved his effort.

“Very much,” I told him, mimicking his polite tone, “How did you like it?”

“Good, Nina is so good,” He gushed, “My dad says she’s a miracle.”

The admiration Oliver had for Nina was evident and it filled me with an additional serve of happiness. He was watching Nina being doted on by her friends shyly, despite the fact I knew they were familiar to him.

We both lifted our heads when the circle of girls beside us broke into laughter

"Georgie!"

I instinctively turned around when I heard Nina cry out her friend's name. She was bright red and trying her best to scowl at the other three who were all still laughing at her. My gut told me her friends were using me to embarrass her, just like they’d been doing all evening.

“Go sneak in,” I told Oliver, pointing to the circle, “I’ll run interference if any of them try to block you.”

He grinned at me and then shuffled forward, dodging under Sam’s arm and attaching himself to Nina’s waist in a hug. Nina’s face melted at the contact and she shoved the flowers back into Bel's arms, told her friends to "sod off" and wrapped her arms around Olivier’s body, swaying him in a hug. They had a little chat before Nina looked up and held a hand out to her other cousins who all briefly congratulated her before being called away by their parents to get back to the hotel. Oliver trotted after them all.

“Rodg,” Nina finally joined our conversation and the need to reach out for her had me clasping my hands together behind my back.

“Fucking brilliant,” Rodger said, throwing his arms around her and giving her a tight squeeze, “Lungs of steel.”

Max kissed her cheek and whispered something to Nina that had a gentle smile gracing her face, she nodded and gave him a hug that lasted a little longer than Rodger’s. I watched, knowing that despite his outgoing nature, Max had a special knack when it came to Nina. They were kindred spirits in a way somehow, she brought him down a level and conjured out a version of Max I rarely saw.

“Now, go talk to this dapper young man,” Max said loud enough to shake me out of my thoughts, he was smiling at Nina and pointing at me, “His jaw has been hanging open the whole night.”

Nina gave him her instrument which had been hanging heavily at her side or on the floor between her legs while she spoke to everyone else. He briefly confirmed the name go the hotel we were all heading to and gave her another one armed hug before walking away with a waiting Rodger.

Everyone else had cleared out of the foyer, Nina’s parents and extended family left into the night and her girlfriends were chatting to a young guy who had been walking around with trays of drinks earlier. He was bright red and looking around to be rescued from the band of attractive women before him.

"Hello," Nina said, smiling up at me.

“Hi,’ I returned, “Saved the best until last, right?”

She rolled her eyes fondly at being caught out avoiding me, “Absolutely,” Nina said, but then she softened slightly and an adorable pinkness rose to her cheeks, ”Thank you for being here, I’m really happy you came."

"Me too, I will honestly never forget tonight," I continued slowly, holding one hand face up out to her, "You were—are—astounding."

Nina put her hand in mine and let me pull me forward slightly, "Thank you," She said as I pressed my lips to my cheek softly and breathed in her perfume. I felt her squirm slightly. I desperately wanted to kiss her properly but didn’t want to risk it in such a public space. I was sure she was conscious of the beady eyes of her girlfriends and family on us.

“Can I also just say that dress is breathtaking. Truly,” I held her gaze for a second before curling my fingers around the bottom of her jacket and pulling it open a little more, “I am far from bored looking at you in it.”

“Harry,” She gushed.

“Oh, come here," I laughed, pulling her into a tight hug, "I thought I would burst from pride while you were playing. You're amazing. And absolutely gorgeous as well.”

"Alright Mr. Brit Award," She returned quietly, a rare acknowledgement of my job coming from her.

I settled my lips on the crown of her head and pulled away from the hug, but then draped my arm around her, "Trust me, if they gave Brit Awards out for talent you'd have a hundred of them before I'd figured out which way was up."

"Have they given you shit all evening?" Nina asked of her family, gracefully jumped the conversation away from my compliment and I smiled at her.

"Not at all," I dismissed easily, looking over as her girlfriends left through the automatic doors on the other side of the room to stand with Rodger and Max outside, “I really like your people.”

And I’d really like to kiss you right now.

"Are you going to come back for a drink, or do you need to head off?”

“I’m coming,” I assured her quickly, “Your mum has already checked twice. I’ll drive you and the girls … If they don’t get in a cab first.”

“I think they’ve already had a few wines.” “I can verify that,” A thought suddenly coming to me, “Hey, can you sign this for me?

I reached for the program that had been rolled and tucked into my back pocket, unfurling it in front her. Nina’s face was exactly the reaction I had been after—her eyes bulged and she looked absolutely horrified.

“Put that away!” She cried, covering her face on the page with her hands and pressing it against my chest, “Who gave that to you?”

I grinned, “I bought it, they were selling them as we came in.”

"You weren't meant to buy one!"

"Me specifically?" I was enjoying teasing her.

"Yes! You specifically!” She pointed a finger to my chest and I grabbed it in my own.

"You put my name on a list somewhere as someone who was categorically not to be sold a program?"

"I should have," Nina grumbled, she snatched the program out of my hands and held it behind her back.

I took a step closer to her so our chests were almost touching, before Nina could step away I'd wound my arm around her back and while I held her gaze I was able to tug the booklet out of her hand. She looked up at me quietly, watching my face closely. The only indication that she was affected by my being so close was the breath she had taken in and was yet to release.

If we were anywhere else right now I'd be kissing you silly.

"Breathe," I prompted her gently, sure she was thinking she same thing I was. "You should be very proud, Miss Lawrence. This is an extremely impressive wrap up. And if you won't sign the booklet for me then I'd like you to please come hold my hand while I get 'I'm dating a Protégé' tattooed on my forehead."

"You're such an idiot," She said quietly.

"Compared to you, we all are," I said back slowly, “Now, come outside with me so I can find somewhere to kiss you because I doubt you'll appreciate if I do it here.”

Nina held her breath again for a second but then squeezed my forearm where she had been holding it.

I smiled and nodded toward the doors, “Let’s get out of here.”

We got out the front and everyone seemed to have left already. If Nina was at all perturbed by them else leaving without us she didn’t show it.

“My car is this way,” I said, holding out my hand to her when she had finished wrapping herself up in her coat and scarf.

“They’re all such alcoholics,” Nina said, slipping her hand into mine, letting me lead the way.

We were both quiet on the few minute walk to the street where I managed to find a park earlier. I wasn’t sure what Nina was thinking about, but I was thinking about how fucking brilliant it felt to have her by my side. To be walking down the street of an evening, our hands linked, just being with her. But to have Nina want to be with me as well was breathtaking, and one that I’d found myself circling around all night. I watched that incredible performance and wondered what on earth that gifted young woman was doing with me.

The morning after I had learned of her depression I’d stumbled upon a similar feeling; Nina choosing me. She’d come down the stairs and sat next to me on the sofa, Rodger and her cousin watching her. To have Nina come and chose me in a room with the people who had always been there for her felt like a breakthrough I was overjoyed to have arrived at, even though in the moment it had churned worry in my gut at her pushing herself to it. Somewhere along the line something great clicked and Nina wasn’t as hesitant and nervous around me.

We got to my car and Nina went to walk to the passenger side. I didn’t relinquish my hold on her hand though and as soon as she turned to me in question I stepped right up to her and kissed her, mindful of keeping her new dress from touching the car behind her.

She took a breath under me, and I dropped her hand to frame her face with my own. I held my lips against hers for another second before moving my head to the side to start deepening it. As soon as my tongue parted her lips Nina opened up to me completely, she wound her arms around my back and moved her mouth against mine deliciously.

My hands went up under her jacket to roam her back, feeling the curve of her waist and then back up to trace the side of her breasts. She took a deep breath in at the sensation and stepped even closer to me, I didn’t hide from her just how turned on I was and she didn’t shy away from it either.

“Jesus,” I breathed, moving away from her mouth to kill down her neck where I had pulled her hair back, “You do crazy things to me, Nina Lawrence.”

Nina moved her arms up over my neck and pulled her body up mine slightly, her chest pressed highly against mine, giving me more leverage to move my lips over her exposed skin. She stumbled when they pressed against the shell of her ear and I laughed as I caught her weight.

“I haven’t made out against a car before,” She whispered, and I pulled back to look at her in the streetlight. She was flushed and the area around her lips was pink where I had smudged her lipstick. She looked utterly ravishing.

“Get in,” I said slowly, “Before I say something undignified.”

“Undignified?” She teased out with a wicked smile.

“Yes. Like asking how difficult would it be for me to convince you to stay at my house tonight?” I asked boldly, knowing I probably shouldn’t but being unable to deny the slight chance she might take me up.

“I thought we were going slow,” Nina countered. “That was before you were a protégé,” I hummed.

She laughed, one of her hands going up to her own mouth to remove any smudged lipstick. I raised my hand to get a bit she had missed, waiting for Nina to say something.

“The girls are staying with me …” Nina gave me an unsure but concerned look, letting the words hang.

I kissed her gently, “Say no more,” I said, not wanting her to gain any unease at thinking she had disappointed me. “Get in, let’s go.”

She reached up to give me a chaste kiss before turning to the door and opening it. I stood dumbfounded, watching her legs disappear into my car when the split of her dress rode up as Nina sat.

I walked around to the driver’s side quickly, pausing for half a second before I opened my door to take a breath and get ready for relinquishing Nina back to her family for the rest of the evening.

Nina reapplied her lipstick while I drove us across London to the hotel her family were staying at. I stole glances at her as I drove, she had pulled out some heavy duty looking lip balm to apply first and Nina easily explained that after a performance her lips were tender from the pressure from her instrument. She gave me a sly look when I suggested the kissing was my attempt at helping to soothe.

I drove into the car park under the hotel, deciding the exorbitant cost was worth not having to drive around the streets outside. Nina unclipped her seatbelt quickly once we had parked and she was out her door before I had collected my phone and wallet from the middle console. She had rounded the car and was waiting for me when I jumped down and pressed the lock key.

“Keen for a drink?” I asked, smiling at her, swallowing hard as I looked over her. Nina had taken off her jacket and had looped it through the small back evening bag across her body.

“Not particularly,” she said, taking a step closer to me. I looked down and the tips of our shoes were almost touching, her left leg exposed past her knee.

“I swear to god, Nina,” I strained when I looked up and watched her tongue dart out over her bottom lip. She knew exactly what I was thinking and when she leaned forward and melted her body into mine all restraint I might have regained on the short drive flew out into the night.

She kissed me softly at first, holding back sweetly until Nina felt my hands curl around the back of her neck. We moved against each other hotly, I could taste the mint from her lipstick and her hair was crinkly from hairspray between my fingers. Making out with Nina was maddeningly sexy and I kept my hands where they were in an attempt to control my raging hormones while our mouths moved together.

It was when I felt Nina’s hands move from my back around to dance just above my hip bones at my belt that my own hands felt out to cover them to halt her movements.

“Neens,” I moaned, pulling my mouth back from her, “We’ve gotta stop.”

She pressed her lips back to mine for a brief second, “Sorry.”

I held my forehead against hers and shut my eyes for a moment, “Don’t bloody apologise. Don’t ever apologies for this feeling.”

“I really love you in a suit,” Nina said quietly, letting me tightly hold her hands. She looked down at my chest and then back to my face slowly.

It jogged my memory to something I couldn’t believe I had forgotten, “Give me one second, I forgot something.”

I rounded to the back of the car, popping it open and slipping off my suit jacket as it rose. Nina arrived at my side and watched with a confused expression on her face. When I started undoing the buttons of my shirt I smirked at the horrified shock that came over her.

“Harry!” She all but screeched, “What are you doing!”

“You’ll see,” I said cryptically, watching as she failed to keep her eyes from wandered down my bare chest when I pulled the shirt off my shoulders. My body hummed, more than anything to hold her like this, but I reached for the folded t-shirt Rodger had brought to the studio for me during the week.

“You’re going to hate this, which is why I love it so much,” I explained, leaning forward to peck her lips quickly. Nina’s eyes were wide as she watched me, completely baffled as to what was going on.

“I have no idea what is happening right now,” She trailed off when I pulled the white t-shirt over my head, pulling it down around my hips and then turning to face her properly.

“Ta-da,” I gave her jazz hands and a laugh burst out of me when Nina’s hands came up to cover her own cheeks.

“Harry what the fuck is that!”

Nina’s cousin Josh had messaged me on Whatsapp the week before asking what size t-shirt I was, and when he went on to explain the novelty shirts with Nina’s face on them and a music pun the family was getting made up. I was chuffed to be included in the joke, and he told me he’d give my shirt to Rodger for me to collect.

Her cousins, brother and Rodger and Max were all going to be wearing them when we got upstairs.

Josh had dug out a photo of Nina holding her trumpet up to be printed onto the middle of the shirt and underneath the words ‘Life without Nina would B♭’ in terrible, tacky font below. They weren’t made to look professionally done, which was part of what I loved about the shirts to much.

I grinned down at her, “Do you love it? Be nice,” I hurried in a mock pleading voice, “It’s new.”

Nina’s mouth was still hanging open, “You’re completely mad!”

My laughter spilled out, “Sure am, baby.”

#1dff #fic: someday someday #hina #harry styles fanfiction #ahhhh #harry

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zenonaa · 5 years

Photo

Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17987960

Comments: I wrote this as a bday fic for Fukawa! While there is referenced TogaFuka, the focus is on Fukawa’s backstory/development. There’s a zine going on about characters’ growth, but I didn’t apply for it after much consideration. ^^ Still, this idea sat with me, and I decided to write it for today.

Listen to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H10mhHNW1Rs for the mood and for the song that the fic is named after. This makes it the third fic I’ve written named after a song by The Mountain Goats.

There is a lot of one-sided talk about past abuse, FYI.

***

Her story didn’t begin on a train. It could be traced back to Touko’s childhood, to her birth, to her conception. Further. Far, far back. To when her parents met, to when they were her age, or even younger. Whatever made them the way they were, how she remembered them.

However, at that moment, Touko was on a train, hunched up sitting on a patchy purple seat. Thoughts whirled in her head, stirred rigorously, so thick that she could barely breathe as her knuckles turned white on the stanchion beside her. She sat with an unoccupied seat beside her, duffel bag pulled onto her lap, graciously lent by Aoi Asahina. Ever since she had sat down about three hours ago, she hadn’t really moved. Sometimes, her feet shifted so her toes pointed inward, only to drift and face out again, and sometimes, Touko twitched as she cleared her throat and her gaze would flicker.

Her clearest memory of being on a train was coming back from Shikoku on a pitch black night, teeth chattering, head pounding, the smell of blood hanging in her nose from the scissors in her bag that she planned to bury in her garden when she finally got home. While the woman, most likely a mother, who helped her to the station some time after Touko stumbled out of an alley, didn’t treat Touko as anything but a lost little girl, Touko remembered feeling like everyone stared at her, constantly, as she sat alone on the train, and even now, on this train, she felt like people were secretly watching her.

No, Touko had never liked trains. She breathed in a vinyl odour.

Eventually, the train stopped for a second time. Everyone rose except Touko, but after a delay, she stood up too. Touko trooped out of the train, just one of the crowd, swept up by a rush of people.

Stairs led up, up off the drab station, and after a series of grey corridors, she reached some gates. She inserted her ticket. The machine spat it out on the other side and she passed through. Her heart bumped around in her throat and she finally stepped out into evening’s birth. Overhead, the sky was a gradient between deep blue and rusty red, with yellows and a slither of green nestled between them.

Had it not been for a gust of wind, she might have stared up for longer. Touko jutted her head forward and took off sluggishly. Though a lot of the shops that she had known were long since replaced, boarded up in cases, and the hard pavement underfoot beared cracks that she didn’t know, only their predecessors, long gone, she recalled the layout of the streets. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t been here for a long, long time.

When she walked to school, she would have crossed the road here, for example, and then headed right, but Touko wasn’t going to her old elementary school. She veered right instead, and her feet dragged her through several streets until she arrived at a gradual slope of stone steps that led up to a foreboding metal gate.

At the bottom of the steps was a modestly size flower shop with a polished marble storefront and large, gaping windows. Pots of flowers littered the space just outside, trying their best to brighten the scenery. Touko didn’t smile. With hardened features, she took a deep breath and opened the door.

A bell jingled. Inside were even more flowers, but also boxes stacked on top of each other, and on one wall hung a framed painting of a mother and daughter, presumably. There wasn’t much space to maneuver around in, but Touko didn’t have to. Upon her entering, a woman turned away from a hanging pot, and her eyes glinted on her candle lit face.

“You,” the woman blurted. If Touko was to guess, she would place the woman about ten years older than her. The woman had beads in her hair and wore jeans dirty at the bottom. She lowered the watering can in her hold. “I’ve seen you before...”

Touko stayed silent. Let the woman piece the memories together by herself.

“You used to come here,” the woman said, and she approached slowly, staring like Touko was a trick of the light and could so easily disappear and become the shadows in the nooks of the room.

Neither spoke for a bit. She studied Touko some more, then nodded, mostly to herself.

“Yes. I saw you a few times when my mother worked here,” the woman explained. Her mother was the person in the framed painting with her teenage daughter, now the woman in front of Touko. “Wow, it’s been so long...”

A small smile split the woman’s face. Touko didn’t waver.

“I need to borrow a bucket and dipper,” said Touko. Her voice seemed loud in the otherwise still room. “I’d also like to buy some chrysanthemums.”

The woman blinked. “Huh? Oh, right, of course.”

She fetched them for Touko, who unzipped her duffel bag and got out her purse.

“No, no!” The woman lightly clutched Touko’s wrist. “It’s free, for you.”

Touko tensed.

“Do I look poor?” she snarled, and the woman cringed.

“It’s not that,” the woman said. “It’s just nice to see you. I didn’t know if I ever would again...”

“I don’t need your charity,” huffed Touko, but if the woman wanted to lend her the things for free, that was on her paycheck, not on Touko.

Accepting the woman’s offer, she slipped the flowers into her duffel bag carefully and zipped it up again.

“How have you been?” asked the woman.

“I’ve been. I am,” said Touko, and she left. The woman didn’t try going after her and probably didn’t hear the small “thanks” that Touko added under her breath.

With the bucket and dipper in her possession and the duffel bag strap slung over her shoulder, Touko returned to the steps and ascended. Touko trudged up and up, and she came upon the metal gate. She had visited this place in the past, a lot, and she saw it whenever her gaze became vacant and sometimes in her dreams. Before she opened the gate, she puffed out her chest, but the heaviness in her bones wouldn’t budge, her heart stayed lodged in her throat and the fog in her head didn’t disperse.

This, she would have to accept, because she would never be more ready than this, and the gate creaked as she opened it.

All around her were graves. They striped a huge, steep hillside. At this point, the numbness brought on by determination had started to dissolve, and Touko realised how tired she was. Breathing grated the back of her throat and walking forward, she discovered her feet had turned to sludge. The colour of the sky had deepened, and without the occasional lamp post, she would have struggled to differentiate between checkered slabs and grass. She wound through rows of headstones and statues, each marking life and death. To her relief, she didn’t see anyone - she was alone.

Mixed in with the relief, however, was a hard knot in her stomach. Her fingers itched. No one would see her leave if she slipped out before... before she... before. And while her friends knew her destination, she suspected that none of them would broach the subject until she brought it up. Not tactless Komaru, or nosy Yasuhiro, chatty Aoi, tense Kyouko, open Makoto, or enticing Byakuya Togami...

Touko licked her bitten lips and walked some more, stopping at a certain family grave, dirtied by loneliness and time, overgrown with weeds. It consisted of stone blocks closely packed together that reminded her of high rise buildings of different heights, low walls bordering the space allotted to it. Her legs creaked as she crouched down.

Shaking slightly, she set the bucket and dipper down and removed the duffel bag from her shoulder, fumbling a bit. She left the duffel bag on the ground and picked up the bucket and dipper again.

The grave towered over her, and for a moment, she felt like a child again. Or a stink bug, so easy to step on, and then to forget about after being stepped on. Touko steeled herself and stood up, then she began washing the grave. Water ran down stone, streaking it, staining it. Later, it would dry, and later still, it would become dirty again. Regardless, she cleaned it anyway.

She poured water over it several times. Then she put the bucket and dipper down, placed her hands together in prayer, and she said, “Father. Mothers...”

A pause. Touko scraped her teeth against her lips, panting already, and clenched and unclenched her fists. Multiple times. Her mouth had become very, very dry. Many years had passed, but she could still remember them clearly. One mother liked her hair short, always wore makeup and preferred western breakfasts, while the other was younger and had lighter brown streaks in her hair, and she would always make an eastern breakfast. Then, there was the father, with his square jaw, thin lips and bushy eyebrows over beetle eyes. Mostly, she remembered his rotten teeth, and his hands, and his...

“I’m here,” Touko said. Her nails dug into her palms. “I’m still here.”

They didn’t answer. Even if they could, would they have recognised her? She wasn’t a wispy little thing that they could play and have temper tantrums with anymore, who would keep their secrets behind tight lips and wear long skirts and sleeves to hide bruises and handprints, both visible and not. The marks that she couldn’t see, just feel, wouldn’t wash off in the shower, not that she could ever stomach taking those. Being naked, being exposed, like that, her permanently dirtied body on display. No, she was taller now, not just in height but how she stood too.

“I’m helping start up a school with my friends,” she said, voice quivering. A smirk still made its way onto her lips. “And they’re real friends, not... not like the paper dolls that you ripped up, or the one you thought I made up that was really my alter. Or the people in my school who used to lead me on, make fun of me when they thought I couldn’t hear or see them... who would use me and throw me away.”

Like a girl who pretended to be her friend, only to discover who Touko had a crush on and blackmail Touko into giving her money in exchange for her silence. To get the money, Touko sold her lunch, and when the school found out that Touko wasn’t eating and told her parents, they punished her. Touko wasn’t smiling now. She could remember that traitor hanging out with another crowd afterwards. They would ask Touko if they could set her on fire, but if they laughed when they said it, which they did, that made it okay.

Her fists trembled.

“Who I’m with now... they're not just my friends, they’re my family,” said Touko, jaw clenched, and her breathing hitched. She almost let out a sob, but she continued talking, sneering. “They’re the only family I’ve ever had. You... You three... you were terrible guardians. Terrible, vile, despicable people.”

Dead people couldn’t grab her shoulders and shake her. They couldn't slap her, or lock her in a closet without food, or bang her head against a wall or burrow between her legs. To call them monsters would be a compliment. Monsters were imaginary, misunderstood. These were people, and it was dangerous to acknowledge them as anything but.

“No one should go through what you made me go through. I thought... I used to think it was normal. Or that... that I was a bad, difficult child, and that’s why...”

She nearly choked on a sob.

“But... after spending time with people who do care about me, I accept... that I was a child, no more, no less, just a child, and that you didn’t love me.”

Despite what the father said when the lights were out, when her mattress grunted, when they ‘played’ together. He just liked using her. The mothers never pretended to care about her like he did. She didn’t know if that was better or worse. Syo had taken care of Touko a lot more than any of them had, and Syo had been created from unspeakable evil. They all just liked the money she made, that she used to bargain with them so she could move away for high school and live by herself so long as she paid them. None of them cared about her writing, her passion, her escape, of course. Not like Makoto, who read her I-Novel first, and her other friends, who read it later, especially Byakuya, who even went on to read more of her works.

While she could still dream, still breathe, she could never truly be rid of those three. Even now. But better days were more frequent these days than earlier in her life.

“My friends... can get on my nerves at times... It took me a while, but I know they care about me, really. They don’t just tell me, but they show it too, and it took me so long to appreciate it because of you. The abuse you put me through... didn’t make me stronger, like the hollow movie plots society churns out. I was always strong. I had to be, to survive.”

They still didn’t respond. Even if they were alive, Touko didn’t know if they would have. She tried to imagine what they would do. Probably act like she was overreacting, or lying. Perhaps they would slap her. Or, maybe, they wouldn’t be able to say anything like they couldn’t speak now.

“I survived, and I learned what real love is.” Her words tripped over each other as she heaved them out, but she still continued talking. Tears blurred her vision. She didn’t wipe them away. “I learned that everything you did wasn’t right. I thought love and friendship would just cause pain in the end and lashed out at it, but I learned that those things can make me stronger. I opened up, and I went from having no friends, from being hated and hating the world in response, to supporting and appreciating others who deserve it and receiving the same back. I learned about love and friendship from my former classmates, my dear friend, Komaru... and my boyfriend, Byakuya Togami.”

Touko shuddered and gulped. Her lips twisted as she regarded their grave.

“Yes... I have a boyfriend. Does that make you jealous?”

That was directed at all three of them.

“I used to hope that the right person would come along, a prince or a white knight like from some kind of fairytale, or from the sorts of books I’m known to read and write, and then my life would get better. That’s what I believed. But... But I learned to fight for my love, to seek it out, not sit idly, yearning, and submit myself to my demons.”

Indeed, she had rescued Byakuya from his imprisonment in Towa City, and since then, she had given her all to achieve her goals, to be dependable and help the world. Her fantasies about Byakuya saving her from her despair shifted to ones of Touko protecting him. He inspired her to get stronger, for them, for herself, for those she held dear. Not just for her romantic partner, but her friends too, like Komaru. By the end of the mutual killings, Touko had started to consider letting other people in, not just Byakuya, and Komaru, loyal, bubbly Komaru, she had gone and shown Touko that friendship was important as well, and she also meant the world to Touko.

Without realising, Touko had set an example for Byakuya. Proof of the power of love and friendship. When they got together, she had worried that she wouldn’t be able to write anymore, as she had written from her misery, from her fantasies of a better life. However, she had found that she still could write, maybe even better than before, projecting her love for Byakuya into different universes where things played out in varying ways, with all their different nauences, and in the end, the protagonist would reach that love, would embrace it. Despite all her daydreams, being with him in real life had been overwhelming at first, but they walked through it together, hand-in-hand.

“He’s rough around the edges, like me, and though my heart knew we belonged together, the course hasn’t already been smooth. We both... didn’t understand love, properly. Weren’t raised with it. But... But we both get each other. We’re both strong. And he doesn’t touch me after I say no, or hurt me, or want me for my earnings and he doesn’t gaslight me or... or anything like that.”

She covered her mouth and retched. Even now, Touko saw the father in her nightmares, in the shadows of a room, or when she heard that tune he used to whistle. With a painful twinge in her chest, she straightened.

“We’ve been exposed to love, come to feel it ourselves. One day, I will marry him, and we will have children, and I will love him and them, and I will not love you.”

They wouldn’t be stung by that, but her heart gave a skip of pleasure at the thought of the mothers widening their eyes, rendered speechless, and the father’s face contorting in pain. Really, they would just be angry, but she wasn’t scared, because they couldn’t hurt her anymore. She doubted they would apologise, but she didn’t need them to.

“I’m happy now. I’m still here,” she said. “And you’re dead. So... it looks like...”

A humourless grin crept onto her face as she lowered her hand from her mouth.

“... I win.”

Touko didn’t say anything else for a while, standing almost as still as the stone grave. Then her smile crumbled and tremors set in. She took a drag of cold air.

“Anyway, I came here... to see someone else. If not for them being here, I wouldn’t have come at all,” she revealed. Touko drew closer to the grave and skimmed through the names on it, staying on one in particular. One that had been engraved onto it the last time she visited this place.

Born on X. Died on X. The same day. Their birthday.

“My sister,” she said softly. She rested her palm flat on the stone. “Eiko Fukawa.”

When Touko learned of her half-sister many years after she had been and gone, a spark of life, Touko had often wondered what having a sibling would have been like. The closest she had was Komaru, and in a way, Syo. Part of her thought that it would have been a comfort, to have someone going through the same thing, to support her in solidarity, but she couldn’t wish the pain that she went through to be placed upon another.

She bent down and unzipped her duffel bag. From it, she retrieved candles, which she set on the grave and lit. Then she placed the flowers from the shop and a small bottle of milk on the ground in the grave, and she clapped her hands together in prayer, muttering under breath.

What she said was for only herself and sister to know, and as she came to an end, her shoulders shook more, and by the conclusion, her eyes stung. Touko didn’t know how long she stood there for, but it felt like both a long time and no time at all. With a sniffle, she pulled out her phone. Evening had passed its prime, matured into night, but before she saw the exact time, she saw she had texts from her friends. A missed call from Komaru. She called back.

The call connected.

“You called me?” asked Touko, croaking, and she paused, listening, and slowly walked away with the phone held to her ear. “I’m... I’m going to be okay... I’ll phone Byakuya when I’m closer... I’ll let you know too. I’ll see you both soon.”

In the darkness, the candles burned bright, but eventually, they extinguished, but Touko continued shining.

#togafuka #touko fukawa #byakuya togami #danganronpa #fanfiction #one shot

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the-mangled-readings · 6 years

Text

Coaster (Billy Hargrove x Reader) (Part 2)

AN: OMG THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE FEEDBACK, I legit suck at writing since English isn’t my first language lol. Anywho, hope you enjoy Part 2.

Summary: Billy was in love with the reader but she always turned him down, until one night where she gets drugged and confesses her past and later on her true feelings, but little did she knew that her Best-Friend Steve also had similar feelings.

Warnings: Violence, Alcohol/Drugs abuse, and Some Fluff.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

On the way, neither of you guys talked. Steve looked upset, but at what? You thought, after all this was his idea.

As you guys arrived at the party, Nancy told you guys that she and Jonathan were going to get ahead, knowing that you guys needed some privacy.

After what seemed forever.

“You got to be kidding me (y/n)”-Steve said finally breaking the silence, as he looked at you from head to toe. “What? It’s a costume party?”-You looked at him confused, why the heck you mad for now. “I know, but ... why?”-He threw his hands on the steering wheel, hitting his forehead against it. “Why what?”-You leaned your back on the door. “The whole school is here ... and ... I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”-He looked down.”Steve, remember when we were 5 and we were at the playground, and there were these kids picking on you ... just cause you didn’t want to kill a bird?”-You tilted your head, slowly raising an eyebrow. “Yeah...”-He said smiling, raising his head looking ahead. “Who saved your tiny ass by throwing them the bird in their faces?”-You folded your arms and smirked at him, only making him laugh. “You ... you psycho.”-”Exactly, now remember in 8th grade when Tina started spreading rumors about you, having this ... I don’t remember, but just cause you didn’t wanted to date her ... Who literally shut her mouth?!”-You leaned in, raising your eyebrows at him. “You ... I can’t believe you actually punched her in the throat ...”-He widened his eyes just by remembering how tiny you were next back then and yet managed to beat everyone's asses. “Yeah ... I had a lot of Detention because of you.”-You looked away. “And here you are ... at her party.”-He laughed. “Yeah ... cause of you, but that's not my point, Steve I can take care of myself.”-”But in all those cases you ended up getting in trouble ...”-You scoffed and looked at him. “But it was worth it ...”-You smiled at him, making him blush. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “Well, I guess we should get going then!”-He quickly got out of the car. “Steve ...”-You called him out, as you got out of the car.

He was now standing next to you, offering his hand for you to take. “My Lady ... Shall we?”-You laughed at the horrible accent he made. “What was that supposed to be?”-He turned to you, a hand on his chest, hurt by the comment. “French!”-He exclaimed, only making you laugh harder. “No wonder you didn’t pass that class ...”-”Shut up!”-She stuck her tongue out.

As they entered the house, everyone’s eyes went quickly to (y/n) and Steve. You looked at Steve who was looking at everyone.

Oh my god is that (y/n)!

Dude, she looks hot ...

Wait, didn’t she punch Tina in 8th grade? Why is she here??

You heard every single person in the room. They all took one last glance at you and went back to what they were previously doing.

“Fuckers ...”-You said under your breath.

You walked into the kitchen to find Nancy already drinking, with Jonathan by her side. You leaned on the counter, folding your arms as you looked at her over your shoulder.

“Damn Nancy, slow down ... What’s in this anyway?”-You asked as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Pure-fuel, I believe they call it, they spiked it ...”-She said as she poured herself some more. For a moment you thought about it but as you were reaching over for a cup Steve grabbed your hand, you looked up at him, you got to be fucking kidding me, now what!

“Seriously??”-You exclaimed, making Steve laugh. “I’m kidding! Just be careful.”-He smiled and pat you on the shoulder, walking away. “Dumbass ...”-You as you were about to pour yourself a drink you felt a hand sliding around your waist, and a slow whistle. OH MY GOD NOW WHAT! You turned only to be facing no other than Billy Hargrove. He had a black leather jacket and was shirtless, he reeked of alcohol and cigarettes, but he still looked damn fine. For a moment you stopped breathing, and he noticed making him smirk. You gained yourself back and cleared your throat.

“What? Cat got your tongue Princess?”-He said in a low voice, sending you shivers down your back. “Stop calling me that, and put your hands off me ...”-You pushed him, determined to get that fuel in your system. He placed himself behind you, his hands leaning on the edges of the counter, getting more closer to you than before. “I knew you were hiding something under all the over-sized sweaters but ... damn, you’re far from what I imagined.” He whispered in your ear, his warm breath hitting you in your neck, precisely in the right spot.

You took a deep breath, and turned yourself against the counter, finishing the drink. “Wow ... You know, if I was somebody else, I would of have fallen for that one, but YOU and I both know that ... that’s not the case.”-You smiled at him, placing your hand on his cheek. Now, he was the one that stopped breathing, you slowly leaned into his ear. “Now, if you excuse me ... I need to find Steve.”- And with that you walked away, leaving him clueless about what just happened.

You walked into the living room, Steve and Nancy were dancing while Jonathan was watching them over the couch drinking a coke. Then ...

Come on Eileen ...

Steve quickly started to look around for you, and when he found you, both of you started to walk slowly over the other one with awkward smirks and immediately lost it. Hands were thrown into the air, your hips swayed side to side while Steve danced around you. This was the song that he would play for you when you were feeling down, only to become the song that made you guys jump from your seats and dance around without a care, every time you guys heard it.

Come on Eileen Oh, I swear (what he means) At this moment, you mean everything You in that dress, my thoughts I confess Verge on dirty Aah, come on Eileen

He spun you around, wrapping his arms around your waist, both of you were laughing. You didn’t notice Billy looking at you both from the corner, his jaw clenched, looking away, two drunk girls quickly stood by his sides giggling, but he just walked away.

You noticed him and furrowed your eyebrows. Steve quickly noticed your expression. “What’s wrong (y/n)?”-He asked. You were so lost in your thoughts that didn’t hear him.”Huh?”-You quickly answered. “I said what’s wrong?”-He laughed. “Oh nothing, hey I’m a go get a drink you want some?”-You asked as you freed yourself from his embrace. “Nah, I’m good.”-He shook his head and went to the couch to sit with Jonathan.

As you were pouring yourself another drink, you heard somebody say damn, too loud. It was Tommy and his gang, they were all looking at you, whistling and biting their lips.

Gross, you thought.

“Well you look at that, Ms. (y/l/n) finally decided to let herself go.”-He said followed by laughter. “Who are you supposed to be? A prostitute or something.”-Everyone Ohhh at you as he started to get close to you. “No Tommy, I’m afraid your mom doesn’t have great taste in clothing.”-You sipped your drink. “And by the way I see it ... neither the looks.”-Everyone laughed, you started to walk away, grabbing a coke on your way out.

“FUCK YOU, BITCH”-You heard Tommy yell, but you only flip him off.

As you went back to the living room, you jumped into Steve, making him grunt. “Watch it!”-He yelled. Adjusting yourself, you sat on his lap, leaning on the edge of the couch. You drank half of your coke and left it the small table that was behind you. Some time passed, as you got lost in the random conversation you guys were having. You reached over to grab your drink when something was off, it didn’t taste the same, you gave it another sip and this time it was worse, you put it down. Steve noticed your disgusted face asking you if everything was fine, you only nodded. A couple of minutes passed and you started to feel nauseous. You got up and started to look for the bathroom. As you were in the hallway, your hands started to sweat and you your vision became blurry.

You then felt a hand on your shoulder making you drop, you started to hear a muffled voice, you tried focusing your vision, only giving you a headache. You slowly started to drift, your breathing becoming heavier each time you fought back. Then everything went black. You felt two strong hands gripping your sides, carrying you god knows where.

Fuck ... You managed to say before you knocked out.

To be Continued ...

AYY, let me know if you guys like it so I can make Part 3, FYI the Tag list is Open!

Coaster Tag List:

@sarahshea @sarcasticvodka @missblasphemy @nighttwingg @alwaysoutoftheordinary

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers

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lady-une · 7 years

Text

Chapter 10

Well here it is people, the next chapter in Jay and Sarah’s painful love story. I have read this over and over and still feel like an epic bitch for writing this. I wanna thank my beautiful beta @tears-of-orphans for all her comments on this chapter as she read it because it really helped me feel a bit better. As always please leave me some comments or send me an anon ask just letting me know how you felt about this chapter. Aslo please share away. Just an FYI i am going to take a couple of days and just plot out the rest of this story because its at that point these two need to make their final choices before the rest of the story is wrapped up. I hope you all enjoy!

Sarah

Saturday morning came and it was even more hectic than I thought it would be. I arrived at the venue and was rushed into the back area where I was washed, buffed, and waxed. I never imagined they did these kinds of things for a fashion show, I had always figured the people showed up and went into hair and makeup before being thrown into the clothes. I was given the undergarments that would go well with the clothes before they made me try on each outfit making sure there were no last-minute alterations. When they were satisfied that everything fit properly they put us in silk robes and had us do a mock run on the catwalk while they also did the sound check and lighting. All of the girls and guys participating in the show were very friendly and helped me with any questions I had about the process.

When it was getting closer to the show they had us all gather in the back so Ji Soo could give her speech about how much this meant to her and how much she appreciated all of us being here with her. The music started and it was our cue to get in our first set of clothes.

Jay

When we arrived at the venue we took our time walking down the red carpet stopping for pictures here and there. Some wanted pictures of the AOMG team as Gray, Loco, and Chase had also joined me being that Sarah was in the show and Gray was set to perform at the after party. Other reporters wanted pictures of me with Beam, she of course was also invited and tagged along with me not wanting to miss the opportunity to be captured on film hanging off my arm. This little arrangement I had with her was starting to bore me, when I first started this it was only to help me distance myself from Sarah and rid her from my mind. Baem was only supposed to be a distraction but then I was offered a spot on a show and things just got complicated from there. All I wanted to do was cut my ties with this woman, I hated how she was acting thinking something more would come from this. I knew her goal and like hell would I ever settle down with this woman, her nickname fitted her perfectly because she really was a snake. I was still very much confused with everything going on between Sarah and me, I very much so wanted her every time I saw her but I knew it wasn’t a good idea. Plus there was the issue of Gray, he was infatuated with her and I hated that me pushing her away only pushed her into his arms. I wanted her to be happy but damn it if the sight of those two together didn’t make me extremely jealous.

The flashing lights from the cameras brought me back to the present as Baem tugged on my arm leading me towards the entrance to the venue. We were shown to our seats which were front row giving us the best view possible of the catwalk. The music was playing a mixture of hip hop and some remixes of other pop songs but making them sound a little more edgy then the original version. I sat next to Baem and Gray sat next to me followed by Loco and Chase.

“Jay baby will you buy me some clothes?” 

I rolled my eyes, “Don’t you have your own money?” 

“I do but it will look and feel better when I know my boyfriend bought them for me.”

“Fine, I will buy you one outfit. Baem don’t be like those other women out there living off their man’s money. My money needs to be spent on more important things then items for you. God this is why I don’t date.”

Baem’s hand started to snake its way up my arm to my neck where she tried to pull my face to hers but I held back. “Don’t say that, I will give you a little reward later tonight.”

I knew she was trying to sound sexy but it only made my skin crawl for some reason. The sex between us these days hasn’t even been enough to keep me entertained, hell my dick isn’t even getting hard thinking about this reward. “Don’t worry about it.”

The lights dimmed down and the music got louder. The catwalk lit up and the models started walking out one by one taking their time to stop for pictures at the end of the catwalk before they turned and walked back down giving the opposite side a chance to also see the garments. When the women started coming out Baem took her phone out and started taking notes of which clothing she liked best.

I felt her lean in and whisper in my ear, “These night club garments are going to be a big hit in the club scene I am sure of it.”

I turned my head to respond to her comment when I heard Gray and Loco making a fuss next to me.

“Who let her wear that? She can’t be in that!” 

“What are you talking about Loco, she looks amazing!”

“The hell she does, she is like my baby sister and that is too much, well really it’s too little for her to be wearing.”

I turned my head and there she was walking like she owned the cat walk. She was in a attention grabbing outfit that fit her style perfectly. I started at her feet to see her in a pair of black heeled boots that had the heels made up of metal with spikes sticking out. The heels made her legs look like they went on for days until they met with a black short skirt. It was so short that had she fallen or bent over you would have been able to see everything she attempted to hide. Picturing her bent over my desk in that skirt had me adjusting my position in my chair. I continued up and paused when I saw the handcuffs on the belt. I smiled wondering how those had returned, clearly, she was feeling like the bad ass bouncer she was back home. My view continued it’s way up to the shirt that really wasn’t a shirt but some kind of tube top flimsy thing that hugged her too tight. She wore a vest over the top that barely covered her and again there were spikes prominent on the shoulders. Around her neck was a black leather choker that had little handcuffs in the front. Her eyes were dark and smoky while her hair was tightly pulled back into a bun. Gone was the sweet little princess that Gray had everyone envisioning her, no instead here walked a woman dark and deliciously sinful, she was truly the baby girl of my fantasies. I again shifted in my chair feeling my dick get hard at the thought of her moaning out my name, I tried to make the shift look as normal as possible but Baem noticed.

“Look a little girl is playing dress up. She shouldn’t really be here, this is for grown women and not some little kid. Who even allowed her to do this.”

I nodded my head, not because she shouldn’t be here for that reason but because I didn’t want people to see what I have always seen. Part of me was still very much selfish and was wanting to keep her hidden from the prying eyes of every male in here. I closed my eyes and reminded myself that I can’t act foolishly no matter how much she turned me on. When I opened my eyes, she was just coming back down the cat walk and our eyes connected for a brief second and I wish I saw happiness in them but I didn’t, all I saw was pain. The same thing that I have been seeing since I started to pull away and distance myself from her, more so now since I had my way with her in my office. I hated seeing that look in her eye and hated myself for being the one to put it there. Whenever I saw that look I regretted my choice to distance myself, all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and tell her how sorry I was for everything.

Sarah only came out a few more times in less revealing clothes. Ji Soo was very talented with designing the clothes and I made a note to ask her to design some clothing for the crew. Sarah came out in some every day clothes and in some business attire that made her look even more delicious then first one. She looked like every male’s office fantasy come to life with a tight pencil skirt and long heels. I licked my lips as I watched her walk by making a mental note to ask Ji Soo to gift that particular outfit to Sarah, I would pay Ji Soo any amount she wanted as long as

I got to see that on her body again.....preferably before they lay strewn across my floor. I crossed my arms over my legs and bent forward trying to hide the bulge that would be pretty evident if anyone looked closely. The last outfit of the night was formal wear and Sarah had on a thin black dress that could easily double as lingerie if it was only shorter. It was a classic dress and the accessories were minimal allowing her beauty to shine through.

“I may have to buy that one.”

I heard Gray say to Loco quietly but I easily heard him. I held back the growl and clenched my fists at the thought of Gray watching Sarah up close with that dress on. The music changed after the last model walked into the back and then the lights got brighter as Ji Soo walked out to bow and thank everyone for coming. When she went into the back the lights came on all the way and everyone slowly made their way to where the after party was going to be held. Gray said he would meet up with us later as he ran to the back to get ready for his performance. He was only going to perform a couple of songs and the rest of the music would be handled by a DJ. I again allowed Baem to link her arm with mine and drag me to the next room.

Gray

I walked in the back area and found Ji Soo talking with some models, I looked around for Sarah to talk to her but didn’t see her. I waited for Ji Soo to finish talking before I approached her to congratulate her on an amazing show and of course to put a request in for the black dress she had Sarah in.

“Of course she can have it! I am sure she will put that dress to good use during the award show season.”

“Oh for sure she will. Where is she by the way?” 

“She is changing into another dress, I had one made especially for the after party. Why don’t you go get changed, I had some clothes made up for you as well.”

I thanked Ji Soo before I was shown the way to change into my clothes still not being able to see Sarah.

Jay

The DJ was playing some music that I wasn’t paying attention to as I scanned the crowd for my baby girl. I wanted to congratulate her on how amazing she was and how beautiful she looked up there. I saw Ji Soo enter and was swarmed by reports taking pictures of her and asking her questions. I left Baem and the guys back as I walked up to Ji Soo and pulled her into a hug congratulating her and allowing the reports to take some pictures of us together. I asked her where Sarah was and she pointed across the room just as she entered. She was in a dark blue almost black silky dress that had a long slit up the side of her leg. The top of the dress hugged her chest and was held up by some straps that hung off her shoulders. When she turned around to wave at someone I noticed the back of her dress was open fully and went dangerously low to the point that some black lacy material that I assumed were her panties showed with her movement.

“Oh no she forgot the necklace, excuse me.”

Ji Soo ran back to the dressing rooms to fetch the necklace as I stood there watching Sarah walk and talk to some random people. The room was filled with celebrities from both the music and acting industry, hungry male gazes were trained on her as she went from person to person talking to them. When I saw her stopped by the actor Kim Woo Bin I felt something inside me stir to life, I knew this particular actor was one of her favorites and she often fawned over him and his roles in the dramas. I watched her laugh softly at something he said just as he put his hand behind her back and lead her towards the bar. I wanted to break that hand off him for touching what didn’t belong to him. I was about to move when I heard Ji Soo come back from behind.

“Jay can you please help her with this, I need to help one of the models in the back.”

“Sure thing.”

She handed me the necklace before she ran back and I made my way towards Sarah. She was laughing and letting her hand rest on his arm to help stabilize herself. When I got closer I cleared my throat to get their attention.

“Good evening Sarah.” I smiled before looking up at the male sending him a look that told he him to get. “Good evening Mr. Kim.”

He coughed a little saying a reply before he excused himself. I was able to turn my attention to Sarah who didn’t look too happy to be see me.

“Well that was rude, I was talking to him.” 

“I saw that, he looked as if he was enjoying himself a little too much with your company. Safe to say you were as well.” 

She scoffed and went to turn away but I grabbed her hand stopping her. “Wait Ji Soo wanted me to help you with a necklace you forgot.” 

Her hand went up noticing she did in fact forget it. “Oh, I can’t believe I forgot it.”

I walked behind her and moved her hair to the side giving me access to her neck. I brought the necklace around her neck and clasped in the back before my hands came to her hips holding her in place as I whispered in her ear. “You looked absolutely breathtaking up there baby girl. That first outfit was perfect for the sassy little kitten in you. But it was that office outfit that probably had every man in here hard as a rock.” I pushed my bulge into her ass to emphasize my point. “You have no idea how hard it was to not jump up on that stage and take you away over my shoulder. The things I had running through my mind of what I wanted to do to you would make even the dirtiest girl blush.”

I heard her gasp before she spoke, “Jay there are people here you can’t do this.”

“To hell with the people here, I want you so bad right now.”

I could feel her skin prickling with goosebumps as I knew she was being turned on with everything I was saying. “Come away with me baby girl, ditch this stupid party.”

The start of Gray’s music started playing which must have cleared her mind of the seductive haze I had her in. She pulled away and turned to me with a glare in her eyes and shook her head before she walked off. I was left there at the bar with a raging hard on needing my baby girl but she was already making her way towards the dance floor to watch Gray perform.

Sarah

I couldn’t believe he would pull such a stunt where everyone could easily see us. Yeah, he had me turned on but that wasn’t important. I saw him sitting next to the snake as I first came in. I saw the guys all smiling at me but my eyes were drawn to Jay with the suit he was wearing tonight. He looked amazing and I had only wished it was me he was with and not that snake. I noticed her glare at me as I made my way up and down the catwalk. I saw a waiter walking around with glasses of champagne and grabbed one as I made my way to the dance area to watch Gray perform. He looked so handsome in the jack and slacks that Ji Soo had made him, I smiled at him while I drank my drink. My hips were swaying to the beat as he started to jump around the stage hyping up the crowd. I felt him before he spoke, my body was stupid for this man even when my brain was very much against another round of intimacy with him. I felt his hand come around my waste as he came to stand next to me, he pulled me closer to him as I downed my drink.

“Has he even made his move yet on you?” 

My head shot to the side to look at Jay pissed at his question, “It’s none of your business.”

“Then he hasn’t.” “If you really need to know, yes and it was mind blowing. He had me screaming his name at the top of my lungs and had me unable to stand with how weak I was in the legs. He was the best I ever had.”

Jay’s grip on me tightened and I knew I hit a nerve, he looked at me with fire in his eyes and a growl in his chest. “Don’t play with me baby girl, I know your lying to me. Even if I haven’t known you your whole life I picked up on some things. Whenever you lie your eye twitches ever so slightly that you could miss it if you aren’t looking for it. So, I know damn well he hasn’t done anything that would make you scream out or weak in the legs.”

Fuck! I didn’t even know he had picked up on that, both of my dads use to laugh whenever I tried to lie to them because they also pointed out that little eye twitch. “We might not have fucked yet he has made a move, he made me feel good and that’s all that matters.” I turned my attention back to Gray and his performance.

“Don’t try and lie to yourself, yes he might have made you feel good but he won’t be able to make you feel the way I do. His voice and touch won’t ever set your skin a fire like mine does. Your body responds to me so well, I know exactly what you want and need.” He leaned in closer to my ear, “I bet your wet right now just thinking about me taking you in this dress. Just say the word baby girl and I will be the one to make you so weak in the legs that I will need to carry you to bed.”

I bit back a groan and shook from of his grasp turning and making a B line for the nearest exit. The venue was connected to a hotel and I knew there would be places for me to hide away from Jay or even to just catch a cab out of here. I didn’t want to just ditch Ji Soo on a special night so I took the hallway that lead to some other smaller meeting rooms, figuring if anything I could easily dip into one of them and wait for Gray to finish his song. As I was rounding the corner of the deserted hallway I felt my hand being grabbed and spun around to have my back hit the wall.

“Where do you think you are going baby girl.”

I thought I would have been able to hide before he found me but I guess I was wrong, “Away from you.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Because we can’t do this Jay, go back to the snake and leave me be. I refuse to play this cat and mouse game with you. I want to be someone’s first choice and priority, I am clearly none of those to you. I deserve that, I don’t need to be confused by you all the fucking time!” My anger was rising every second I was near him. “I won’t play this game with you! I refuse to and you need to get that sick twisted mine of yours straight. So what if I pick Gray over you, you pushed me away Jay! I was fucking happy with what we had going and it was you for some reason who went and started fucking around with that snake of a woman! You were the one being the jack ass towards me who didn’t do a damn thing to warrant such a treatment. So back the fuck up and let me live, let me go find someone who will make me their priority.”

“Even if I let you go to either Gray or some other guy they won’t make you feel the way I do.”

“It’s not always about sex Jay, god! Even if it was who are you to say they won’t have me screaming out in pleasure every night? It’s a two-way street Jay, with every bit of pleasure they give me I will return it tenfold. It will be them who I am on my knees in front of taking their dick in my mouth. It will be them who’s dick is milked by my pussy when it clamps down while I ride out my orgasm on them. It will also be them who gets to taste me whenever they please. It will also be their desk I am bent over, not yours. Think on that Jay, just know it’s all your fault, you only have yourself to blame!”

I pushed him away and went to turn to find a room to sit in and collect myself, I left him there standing in the hallway to ponder on my comments. I found a small room that was unlocked and opened the door to walk in, I didn’t even turn to shut the door instead just pushed it back with my hand. The lack of sound coming from the door closing had me turning around thinking I didn’t push it shut hard enough. Instead Jay stood there with his hand on the door holding it open. He looked pissed, I have never seen him look this angry before and it made me worried but at the same time extremely turned on. He stepped in and shut the door before locking it and turning the main light off while leaving the dimmers on.

“You shouldn’t have said such things to me baby girl, I don’t appreciate those kinds of visuals.”

“Well you better get used to it Jay, I want to be happy and I only need to move on away from you. You are already distancing yourself from me so just keep doing that and we won’t have any problems.” I went to move towards the door but Jay grabbed my hand that went to reach for the door knob.

“You are not leaving here until you take back what you said.” 

“No, why should I. You made your choice Jay and now you have to live with it.”

“I was only doing what I thought was best for you!”

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, that’s something I need to decide for myself. If I needed any help with that choice then I would ask for it. But again, it’s the choice you made so live with it!”

I went to pull away but his grip on my hand was too tight and he stepped forward which had me backing up until I hit a table. I looked behind me and back to Jay’s face still seeing the anger in his eyes.

“Go back to the snake.”

“Fuck that bitch, she was only a distraction from what I have wanted since the first day I saw you.”

I inhaled sharply at his confession, I wasn’t expecting him to say something like this. “Still doesn’t make up for you acting like a jack ass to me.”

Jay let go of my hand and brought that hand up to my face to cup it while his free hand went around my waist pulling me closer to him. “I know it doesn’t and I hate it. I hate that I pushed you to Gray. I hate that look you get in your eye. Part of me want’s to just take you away and spend days on days making up for how I have treated you but there is still a part of me that knows me distancing myself and not going down the path I want is what’s best. God baby girl you have no idea how much of a daily battle it is whenever I see you.”

“That’s exactly what I don’t need, I don’t need to be next to you while you go through this battle. You need to pick a side and stick to it.”

“Just stay right here next to me please baby, don’t leave me until I make that choice.”

I looked up into his eyes and saw them soften from the anger he had before. Now he looked vulnerable in front of me. I could see the turmoil he was going through and I wished I could help him but this had to be a choice he made on his own.

“Jay I can’t..”

I didn’t get a chance to finish what I was trying to say as Jay took my lips with his silencing my rebuttal with his kiss. His kiss was soft and sweet and I couldn’t help but get lost in the way he felt against me. Jay’s hand that was on my face went to my hip before it went down to wear my slit in the dress was. His hand snuck its way under the fabric moving up and around my ass to reveal what kind of underwear I was wearing. He moaned into the kiss when he felt my skin. I deepened the kiss sticking my tongue in his mouth and used it to explore him, he tasted of mint probably from his tooth paste. My hands went around his neck and grabbed at him trying to pull him as close to me as possible. The hand that was holding my hip came around the front my dress to the slit and went under it pulling the material up around my waste to reveal my underwear. I was already backed up to the desk and decided to just sit on it and put my legs around his waist. I felt the bulge in his pants and tried to grind on it needing some kind of pressure on me.

Jay pulled back to kiss my skin under my wear while he whispered, “All you need to do is tell me what you want baby.”

“Touch me daddy.” I moaned out and felt him bite down on my ear causing a new rush of liquid to form in my panties.

Jay hooked his fingers on the side of my black lacy thong and slowly moved them down and I lifted my hips allowing them to come all the way down. Jay bent taking them and sliding them into his pocket while he smirked up at me, I figured I wouldn’t be seeing them again. While he was down there he pushed the dress out of the way and pulled me to the edge of the table before he stuck his tongue out slowly licking me from the bottom up. My head fell back and I let a low moan escape my lips at the sensation of his soft tongue playing with my lower lips. I felt jay hook both of my legs over his shoulder before he pressed his tongue fully against me and sucking on the top part trying to part my lips. He was going so slowly and I needed to feel him.

“Please daddy don’t tease me, touch me!”

“Such a greedy baby tonight.”

Jay parted my lips and pushed his tongue in swirling it around and spreading my juices before he retracted it only to replace it with two fingers. With the presence of his fingers inside caused me to buck my hips and I tried to push down on them needing them far inside me. Jay held me still with his free hand as he pumped is fingers in and out of me. I was moaning and begging him for more which caused him to take my clit in his mouth sucking on it harshly. His fingers kept passing over that perfect spot and I felt my orgasm building up.

“God yes, just like that please don’t stop.”

Jay sped up his movements and then bit down on my clit causing me to fly off the edge of bliss. I screamed out his name not caring if anyone heard me. Maybe it was the mixture of the emotions from our argument and what he was doing but this orgasm was the most powerful one I have ever had with anyone or on my own. My eyes were squeezed shut and tears were prickling at the edge as I rode out the orgasm. When I was done and coming back from bliss I looked up and saw Jay kiss the inside of my legs before he stood and nestled himself between my legs. He bent down to capture my lips with his allowing me to taste myself on him. I heard his zipper go down and he pulled away to look me in the eyes.

“I don’t have a condom baby girl.” 

“It’s fine I trust your clean and I am on birth control.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded my head and pulled him back down to kiss me as I felt his tip at my entrance and then felt him fill me in one single thrust. I moaned into his lips at the feeling of him being fully inside me. I could never get over how good he felt, I wished we could stay here in this moment all night. He slowly started thrusting in and out of me at a slow pace while he broke away from our kiss to make a wet trail down my neck to my collarbone. I felt him suck and nip at my skin making me clamp down on him earning me a groan from him.

“Fuck baby I love when you do that.”

Jay took a hand and stuck it between our connected bodies trying to play with my clit but I begged him not to as I was still so sensitive from my first orgasm. He apologized and kept thrusting in me. I loved how sweet he was being and how loving his movements were. It made me happy but at the same time I felt my heart break a little at the thought of us going back to where we were just minutes ago. Jay must have sensed my inner pain because he stopped and looked into my eyes.

“Baby don’t think of anything but us right here, right now. Concentrate on how amazing you feel, don’t over think things.” He came back down to kiss away a tear that had slowly escaped my eye.

I nodded my head and moved my head to capture his lips with mine. Jay began to quicken his pace while he nibbled on my lip making me moan out. Even with how powerful my first orgasm was I felt the pleasure building up again. Jay adjusted his hold on me giving him a better chance to go deeper catching that little nerve bundle with the head of his dick. I broke the kiss and moved my head to the side to moan out.

“Yes baby, just feel that. Concentrate on that feeling, the feeling of my cock sliding in and out of your tight pussy. How good it feels and how warm it is.”

I moaned for him to go faster and he obliged now pistoning his member in and out of me. I felt him get even bigger knowing he was getting close and with a couple of more thrusts I was clamping down on him as I rode out another orgasm that wasn’t as strong as the first. I heard him moan out my name before I felt him twitch inside me as he shot streams of hot cum deep inside me.

“Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to cum inside you. I really wanted to pull out but you were holding onto me so tightly.”

I kissed his lips gently, “Don’t worry about it, but now you need to find something to clean up this mess you made.”

Jay smiled and laughed at me before he pulled out of me and found some tissue using it to wipe both of us up. He helped me stand up and held onto me as I felt myself get a little dizzy.

“You ok baby girl?”

“Yeah I just haven’t eaten much of anything today.”

“Well let’s go get you something to eat.”

“Sounds good, but first can I have my panties back?”

“Not a chance in hell, I want to watch you walk around without these panties on. I want to watch you squirm knowing I have them in my pocket.”

I rolled my eyes and let him lead me out of the room leaving it smelling like sex. We walked back to the ballroom and Ji Soo found us.

“Sarah I was looking all over for you.”

“Sorry, I needed some air.”

“That’s ok, I wanted to introduce you to some people.”

Jay put his arm around my waste, “Sarah needs to eat first Ji Soo, she hasn’t had much to eat all day.”

“Don’t worry Jay I will make sure to feed her. Besides that Baem woman was looking for you, she looked as if she need you urgently.”

Just the mention of the snake brought back all the emotions I was trying to forget. I walked out of Jay’s arm and went with Ji Soo needing to get some space between us. I was upset with myself again that I allowed myself to be pulled back in to this stupid dance we had going on. I just wanted Jay to make up his damn mind on what he wanted. As Ji Soo filled me a small plate I made the choice then to not feed into this mess and to start putting my own distance between us.

NEXT CHAPTER

#Jay park #jay park scenario #gray scenario #gray #aomg #fanfic #Loves painful sting #please send me your feedback on this story #im a greedy bitch for peoples thoughts on my work #also please share away

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