#That hurts people - not just cis men or even trans men

[trans-androgyne]

For men having a rough time right now, my friends and I have put together a couple reminders:

1) You are not a monster. Nothing in your nature predisposes you towards violence. Your presence does not harm others and there are people who love having you in their space. Yes including around women. Yes including around children. You are not inherently dangerous, you are a person just like everyone else. Your body is not a weapon.

2) You don’t have anything to prove. You don’t have to be strong. You don’t have to serve and protect others if you don’t want to. Even women. You don’t deserve to be treated as a punching bag for others’ anger or trauma at the hands of the patriarchy, and it’s not okay for them to take it out on you. You deserve to be protected too.

3) Your emotions matter. All of your emotions. Your anger isn’t dangerous. You can be sad and hurt and jealous and guilty and a million other things and express them in whatever way you need, all without being less of a man or more of a threat. Women’s needs and emotions are equal to yours, not more important. You’re allowed to talk about sexism and other issues you experience as a man—it doesn’t make you anti-feminist and it sure as hell doesn’t make you weak. Being mistreated can hurt, and you can let yourself feel and process it.

4) Manhood can be wonderful—make it your own. You don’t have to be masculine if you don’t want to. You can present and act however femininely you want without being any less of a man. You can also be the most masculine person alive. Masculinity is not toxic by itself. Being masculine does not make you toxic. Being a man does not make you toxic. Nothing about you is inherently toxic. Your attraction is not immoral and being attracted to you isn’t either. Manhood is not a contagion. Be whatever kind of man you want to be, it is completely up to you.

There are people who love and care about you. I care about you deeply and as an intersectional trans feminist I will advocate for you until my last breath. This goes for every single man alive. Cis men, trans men, intersex men, multigender men, straight men, queer men, White men, men of color, disabled men, and more; every single one of you. You deserve care. Let us care for you.

#if it doesn’t resonate with you that’s okay. for example your body can in fact be a weapon and that’s great! #but I’m responding to specific sexist rhetoric (e.g. that a penis is a dangerous weapon) & other hostility towards men #but seriously. men I love you and you deserve to be loved. you are not a monster. please understand that. you are not a monster. #men’s positivity #transmasc positivity #trans men’s positivity #transandrophobia #transmisandry #trans man #ftm #mine

[gay-otlc]

Okay I went ahead and deleted the previous man vs bear post, the wording was not ideal and it was honestly more of a vent than something I intended to get big. Here are my thoughts again, except calmer and more clearly worded:

I do understand the perspective of people who choose bear over man. I know it comes from a place of a lot of pain and trauma, and I'm sorry so many people have had to go through that. I think the sort of misogyny and violence that caused this trauma is horrific, and it needs to be talked about, and it needs to be stopped.

The choice of bear over man is largely driven by a belief that men are inherently dangerous. The belief that men, or people perceived as/believed to be men, are dangerous is also a major factor in transphobia, and has a lot of really awful effects on trans people.

Trans women aren't men, but can still be and are hurt by the demonization of men. If a cis woman believes a trans woman to be a man (either because she's transphobic and thinks all trans women are men, or maybe she's not transphobic but makes an incorrect gendered assumption based on the trans women's appearance, because not all trans women can or want to pass), she might then view that trans woman as a threat. This could lead to said trans woman being kicked out of or assaulted in spaces such as women's bathrooms.

Trans men are men, so hopefully it's more clear why trans men are hurt by the demonization of men. Some trans men are forced into "women's" spaces such as bathrooms due to transphobic circumstances, even if they pass as cis men. If a cis woman encounters a trans man who she assumes to be a cis man in a women's bathroom, this could also lead to said trans man being kicked out of or assaulted.

People of other trans identities, and intersex people, may also be incorrectly assumed to be a man, and because of that, could face transphobia if they choose to be in a "women's" space.

I don't think the individuals choosing the bear are necessarily transphobic, or that they're obligated to change their minds. I just think it's important to consider how your beliefs about men affect trans people.

#transphobia #antimasculism #hopefully this is better now i've had a bit more time to collect my thoughts

[euniexenoblade]

re: egg discourse

i thought it was just people saying that specifically making jokes about someone being trans but not knowing it yet can be kinda invalidating and sometimes traumatic. are people actually saying you should never tell someone that they might be trans?

i dont really have a side in the debate it just feels like people are willfully misunderstanding eachother and its making my brain hurt

"making jokes about someone being trans but not knowing it yet can be kinda invalidating and sometimes traumatic"

Sure, but it also isn't for a lot of people. And, a lot of people I talk to say egg jokes helped them realize who they were. Though I do think part of this resistance to an egg joke is actually internalized transphobia at points (the idea of being compared to trans people is being treated as degrading in a lot of these people's arguments) the truth of the matter is different people need and want different things. Me making eggs jokes with my friends is not your friend group.

This is why the recurring complaint of our side is it's never egg jokes can make people uncomfortable, 'make sure your friends are cool with them before just doing them,' it's always complaining about trans women forcing cis men to be women or trans women being "transvestigators" or "similar to Christian missionaries." People who are uncomfortable with egg jokes are always projecting their discomfort onto other people, other friend groups, and portray harmless fun between friends as something abusive.

Like for example,

this is a projection. the egg jokes people are talking about happen among friends and stuff, but this person is doing a whole "never make egg jokes because people did it about me and made me feel bad" (oh whoa is you, people thought you might be transgender, how disgusting to be a tranny). The majority of egg jokes are not about random ass people, it's within friend groups. And, if you don't like your friends saying them, tell them to stop. If they don't? Then stop being their friends. Also from that post

The underwater filter butchered that. I know you can't read it but I wanted to post it cuz fucking look at that. What the hell. Anyways,

This opposition to egg joke people always talk about strangers. As if we're walking up to random people on the street and making egg jokes about them. It's mostly contained to friend groups. This is just an inaccurate portrayal of what's actually being discussed, and I'm sure the op will be like "I'm talking about my experience!" but OP openly admitted that this rant was relevant to a random blogger complaining about an egg tweet a woman made about her own friend group that neither this OP or that blogger are part of. They are actually dictating how strangers are allowed to act and identify with this, not the egg jokesters.

Yeah, once and a while you get shit like "Aaron Bushnell seems transfem" which was a completely innocuous convo that no one would have seen if well known transmisogynists who accuse random trans women of pedophilia like three times a year hadn't found the post. It was a trans woman seeing herself in someone important in history, and even if someone said something inappropriate, the backlash was undeserved. Yall say embarrassing shit all the time and no one's running you off the web site for it.

I'm sorry this person and others seem to have a bad time with egg jokes (though most of the time, what they describe isn't egg jokes but that's a whole other thing), but their few experiences can not be used to determine a blanket response to something so many people actually do enjoy and find useful. I'm especially not gonna take a cis person's opinions on egg jokes seriously (since so many have seemed to gotten involved and think their opinion on this matters).

"are people actually saying you should never tell someone that they might be trans?"

Yes! That's like, the entire underlying premise of this! Like, 100% this is the backbone of every anti-egg joke argument. That's the entire concept of "egg prime directive." And, it's overwhelmingly weaponized against trying to help transfems realize themselves sooner than they would. From the aforementioned Bushnell drama, to the polls where a shit ton of transmascs voted it was ok to tell an eggy friend they might be a trans man but NOT ok to tell an eggy friend they might be a trans woman, to the newest drama where chongoblog whined about a random trans woman on twitter making egg jokes about her friend (which it was later revealed chongoblog misrepresented the tweet), the anti egg joke committee / "You can't tell anyone they're trans!!!" crew are always wielding this ideology against transfems / trans women but practically never against transmascs.

This is why it's constantly said that these posts and arguments are transmisogynistic in nature. "I'm a trans woman and I say eggs jokes are bad, so it can't be transmisogynistic you're just using that as a shield!" That's great but 1) maybe read between the lines, or read the criticisms you're clearly ignoring and maybe you'll see these people don't respect you 2) the whole "using transmisogyny as a shield" is like, classic transmisogyny at this point. We've been hearing that from anti-feminists, cryptoterfs, and trans woman hating google doc writers for a few years now and 3) you being complicit doesn't mean we gotta care about what you say.

"it just feels like people are willfully misunderstanding eachother and its making my brain hurt"

Oh, I'm sure this is absolutely the case. The problem is a bunch of transphobes are really who spurred a lot of this drama up earlier this year and instead of people thinking "oh these people have bad intentions I shouldn't boost this" they instead were like "Yeah! I don't like egg jokes!" and now we have to deal with trans women making egg jokes (normal, harmless, pro-trans and literally want to help trans people) being compared to transvestigators (a literal anti-trans hate group thing). The issue is people aren't treating us as people, and thus it gets returned in kind.

What's the answer to this? Mutual understanding that "some people need to be told they're trans," "some people don't respond well to being told who they are," "egg jokes can help people and be a fun joke for friends," and "some people are uncomfortable with egg jokes" can all coexist. But, honestly, I don't think we'll ever get there.

#and final note: this is not hostile to the asker #it's just me finally dissecting the disk horse instead of being a mean dick about it #asks #ranting #egg discourse

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm actually so done with people (including "allies") using trans* men in order to attack trans* women. There is no trans liberation without all of us.

"Oh, you don't see trans men doing [x], but you see trans women doing it!" Actually, that just tells me that you intentionally leave trans* men out of this specific bias against trans people. It tells me everything about your attitude about trans* men and trans* women.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #transmisogyny tw #going to actually steal something out of y'all's houses if i see that EVER again #'trans men aren't invading manhood!' every time y'all say that i ~invade~ manhood even harder #genuinely saw somebody like 'trans men know they're too weak to go after [cis] manhood' and y'all are so sexist it hurts... #...like y'all really just think women(/anybody you force into womanhood) are INHERENTLY weaker... #...and people wonder why transphobia is so tied to things like racism/antisemitism/white supremacy/so many others... #...because rhetoric like this RELIES and DEPENDS ON people believing in the idea of a lesser class of peoples... #...without the idea that there is a Lesser Class/Less-Than-Human Class these ideas (eg transphobia/homophobia/sexism/rascism) CEASE to exist #scratch a transphobe and a fascist bleeds

[coolcarabiner]

lesbians who are terfs will never make any sense to me crying about the supposed exclusivity of the “female experience” like my brother in christ she experienced an othered, lonely, confusing childhood where she was made to feel inadequate in her gender, sexuality, or both just the same as you and instead of letting this unify you against patriarchy you just enforce it on other people to maintain the sliver of “power” you think you have. how do u not see how dumb this is oh my god

#like trans women are hurt by the patriarchy they don’t benefit from it you fucking coconuts bc even if they were ‘men’ (they’re not) #they’d be men who cannot live up to the standards set by patriarchy!!!! this is feminism 101 yet some people run their mouths like it’s 1912 #like dude. she’s doing gender and sexuality in a way cishet society hates just like u are. please be fucking smart and realize attacking her #only hurts YOU and loses YOU the same bodily autonomy u wanna deny her for the sake of “’saving ur lesbian brethren’ or what the fuck ever #you’re hurting cis women trans women intersex people EVERYONE because you’re so obsessed w feeling special for being perceived as a woman #and then being harmed for it that you can’t even see that the women you hate so much experience the EXACT SAME SHIT. use ur brain!!!!!! #anyways sorry read some takes from some lesbians in LC and got way too heated. god bless u trans dykes i love u trans dykes #idk what to tag this so. ya #posts

[miraculouslumination]

"Trans men/transmascs aren't hated for being men/masculine we're/they're only hated for being trans"

Tell that to literally any trans man, or even transmasc individual, who has lost numerous friends during their transition because they became "too much of a man/too masculine".

Tell that to any trans man or transmasc who has been asked and berrated with questions and comments such as "why would you EVER want/choose to be a man" "how could you do this to us?" "Well as long as you don't act like/become too much of a man." "You're not going on T, though, are you?" and plenty more

Tell that to any trans man or transmasc who has been pushed out of entire support groups and communities, even if they have been there for YEARS, because they're no longer a woman

Tell that to any trans man or transmasc who have been labeled as a traitor to women and woman/sisterhood for being a man/masculine

Tell that to the trans men and transmascs who have been deemed dangerous and thus shunned, threatened, or even assaulted all because they're men now "and they should expect and accept it"

To the trans men and transmascs who have been assaulted in ways to try and "fix us" and turn us "back into women/lesbians"

Tell that to the trans men and transmascs who are labeled as the killers of parents sweet precious cis daughters or stealer of irreplaceable invaluavle lesbians or a poor unfortunate victim of being groomed by the Big Scary Trans Genders

Tell that to the trans men and transmascs who have been denied crucial, sometimes life-saving and/or life-altering health and medical care all because their gender marker has been changed to an M.

Tell that to the trans men who get told we're the ones responsible misogyny being systematic - that we just want to have it "easier" and surely can no longer be feminists because we "chose being an evil, oppressive (trans) man over being a soft, holy (cis) woman"

Tell them that all of the losses of their social connections and supports, the grimaces and sneers people have as their transition goes "too far". Tell that to the trans men and transmascs who have been deemed as predatory, potentially dangerous, in need of "saving", and so much more. Tell it to the trans men and transmascs who go through constant silencing, scrutiny, erasure and gatekeeping. Tell them that all of the pain, grief, loneliness, isolation, harassment, abuse and MORE that they have experienced ISN'T because they're a man or masculine, but because they're "just" trans. Even when, during all of these horrific moments in their life, the people inflicting this violence against them held nothing but contempt for them choosing to be a man. For trying to parade around as a man, when clearly they're just some poor delusional cis woman.

Tell them, because clearly you know everything and exactly how all of this works and how everyone's lived experiences have gone. Because you apparently know everything more than anyone else.

#Jean rambles #Transphobia #Lateral aggression #I'm actually getting so sick of seeing this argument against it #Like y'all really need to get better at thinking #If you are a marginalized person and ALSO a man then yes!! #Part of your struggles WILL be because you are a man/masculine! #Because of shit like ''all men are secretly evil violent bloodthirsty killers'' that has rotted some of y'alls brains #That hurts people - not just cis men or even trans men #It hurts PEOPLE to assume an entire gender and/or sex is prone or hardwired to do something #Like goddamn ''all black (cis) men are dangerous and are going to hurt our poor helpless white (cis) women'' #Is one of the biggest examples with PLENTY of historical proof behind it #This line of thinking always ends up right in the lap of fascism and white supremacy and overall bigotry #And y'all need to cut it out #tw abuse #tw assault #Long post #Kind of #Transandrophobia

[craycraybluejay]

makes a personal post about how insane it is to be harassed over just existing as i guess the wrong gender.

the person telling me i'm painting a "victim narrative" in my notes whilst they prove my point that its impossible to exist on Tumblr unharassed as a trans man, especially once you start calling people on their shit:

ah yes... the victim narrative.. that us not wanting to be called slurs and harassed is transmisogyny but them using slurs and dogpiling complete fucking strangers for not taking it quietly is self respect. yeah. uh-huh.

fastest way to know how you think about trans people and what their gender "really is" socially is to cross-reference whats permissible to some of us and not to others. the narrative that its ok for trans women to bully if they want to and that trans men are "hysterical" for pointing out its fucked up paints a gruesome picture. that random cruelty is rather necessary almost "discipline" and dissent is an inherent unworthiness to ever being allowed your humanity. idk, i'm not organizing my thoughts well and while an academic can do it better i am fkn tired of being clung to by these people. i'm tired of being a target. the only reason you cowardly people act this way online is because you know you will not face real consequences even if you drive someone to suicide.

y'all think anyone acts like this in real life? extremist or not, most are probably not so stupid as to think that behaviour will fly in most of the real world. you are not some sort of freedom fighter for harassing trans men. you are just a spiteful and self loathing bully who is too much of a coward to own up to that behaviour. you're not special, you're not gonna get a gold medal from the fucking radfem platoon. you are just one bully of many who would rather put others down than work on your own problems. someone who acts with the misdirected anger they were always allowed. if your reaction to "you shouldn't harass and bully others" makes you pull out some bullshit statement about trans women you are not only a liar you are fucking smearing my trans sisters who do not want to be involved with your bullshit crusade. who don't have such a weird inferiority-superiority complex to say "because i am the most oppressed in the world that gives me the right to come after anyone i want." i don't think all of these types are like that, some of them just listen to the loudest and most self-assured voices. still the result is the same. you drag both trans people like you and unlike you through the mud for no reason other than a horrible coping mechanism. genuinely just do some drugs if you only like unhealthy coping mechanisms; instead of spouting vitriol at strangers. i have no quarrel with trans women-- in fact many are unfairly judged and some even manipulated into picking sides when there ARE NO sides. trans women are unfairly followed around by this reputation of angry bullies. and thats not her fault for being trans, you know? its the fault of those who want to live the high school mean girl phase forever. the people who genuinely don't give a shit if their supposed only insular community is collateral so long as they can continue to bully. sure, maybe you'll speak out against someone being accused of your beliefs as unfair. and it is unfair. but will you stop and reconsider what your beliefs are doing to those they claim to care about? no. because putting your painful feelings on other people is more important than protecting the few you like or care about. if your hate is more important than your love for the "in-group," you have far beyond lost the ideology game. in fact, its no longer ideology at all. its just being hateful and using ideology as a cover.

#thinking thoughts #genuinely i dont think most baeddels even care about the radfem ideology #they just hurt people because it makes them feel better about being hurt #mind you-- by not those people #and even when the fucking tumblr ceo; a cis man #just decides to pull an actual transmisogyny #its still somehow the collective fault of trans men #like ok now youve officially lost the plot to making this believable #your assholery is justified because uh? what? the matt bufoon is secretly a trans man??? huh???? #y'all will cling to any tragedy and any hurt as a reason to bully #ok you spend a minute comforting a girl affected by this awful behaviour and then go back to spouting hate #like stop being opportunistic and using peoples discrimination as an excuse to harass completely unrelated people

[geoffrey]

the seperation of lesbians and gay men is a travesty. "why are there so many historic gay bars and only like a handful of lesbian bars in the whole country" why are being gay and lesbian not the same thing in this context. you dont need to fuck everyone at the bar and it is a problem that needs to be addressed if these spaces arent mutually hospitable. and this applies to most gay/lesbian spaces imo

#its just wrong to assume gay spaces arent for women and if any gay men are reinforcing that it needs to be stopped lol #but a lot of it seems like very gender-biased willing exclusion bc they dont wanna associate with men #which um. grow up to you too #gender segregation is just evil period #other than intimate circumstances if you refuse to hang around people you perceive as x gender #its a problem you need to work on it's not just a right you've earned #now yes of course there are able to be specific cases of bars that are more explicitly lesbian or gay #but assuming if a bar is a ''gay bar'' its just for gay men is a fallacy... do you even go to these places? #''buh buh buh if theres a drag show drag is insulting to women cis and trans'' its not. address your revulsion #i know i come across harsh toned im actually more being flabbergasted that weve got to this point rather than saying hey you in particular #its just so strange to have grew up in the gay climate i did where the only lesbian flag was just lipstick lesbian and the girls didnt like #if you assumed every lesbian fell under it and to just use rainbow #and now people act like gay and lesbian arent synonyms because of gender seperatism. which disproportionally hurts members of the lgbt #community because they are more likely to be gnc lol #also a lot of individual opinions you just see the terf hand guiding. #and i HATE THE TOOTHPASTE FLAG!! #no pink flag for girls so blue flag for boys get the fuck out of my face #i dont want to superficially share my experiences with gay men i need community with gay PEOPLE

[dootznbootz]

There's something so specifically infuriating when someone uses one of your experiences or your demographic in an argument, especially if said argument is about spreading hatred or is just so wrong. They "speak on behalf of the ___" to say such fucked shit.

"You're not thinking of the ___!"

"I literally am ___. You saying that adds nothing as you do not speak for me or for other ___. Shut up."

#I really really hate it. It angers me in such a specific way that just skldjf ksdl #... #vent below. idk. I'm really sorry #Mad rambles #Terfs will be like “oh think of survivors! 'MEN' can share women's spaces!” like shut the actual fuck up. SHUT UP. Shut your damn mouth #A terf is so much more dangerous than a trans person. Me. a tiny cis woman is so much more dangerous to a terf than a transperson is. #Because I will obliterate you. How dare you say you speak on MY behalf? As if I don't know what I'm fucking talking about. #as if you're “protecting me” by spewing such bullshit? by treating someone as a danger when they're not?! #Especially when they believe it's a fucking TRUMP CARD. Like mentioning it means they're right!!! when obviously they're not!!! #Or when they think the fact that I'm cis will make me agree with them! I'm cis simply because I am. I'm not better or worse because of it #being cis doesn't mean I'm fine with bullshit though! #I really hate feeling almost as if like...idk I'm “known” for talking about this but it's just so so infuriating. people will act like they #know when they don't. Obviously every experience is different and terfs who are survivors I hope you find peace and my heart goes out to yo #but you also need to get your fucking head outta your ass. Saying such things isn't the way to heal and you're hurting others with it. #It's NOT about hating men or trans people! the “men are always violent/women are always victims” mentality needs to fuck off #as if it's just the script of life and that it's inescapable no matter what. that it's the truth even if circumstances say otherwise. #...I'm going to possibly block the epic tag for a bit. I have the name of the saga blocked but like... It's just genuinely upsetting. #my story got picked apart too on how it wasn't actually that bad. that I'm actually the fucking worst. “Men are just like that sweetie” #BULLSHIT!!! Gender doesn't dictate a person's morals. Being good and kind does. It doesn't matter what form that takes! #not even saying HE'S good and kind as he's horrible and wonderful at the same time but about this stuff? Do what you want but #I DO think you're insane if you see it as otherwise and it makes me wanna lock my door. You're not a bad person probably but also 🙃 #I get that there's history but there's also the fucking TEXT. #I don't know. I'm really sorry #tw trauma #tw sa mention #I'm not necessarily against reblogging this (I don't care) but don't post with tags. please

[devilfruitdyke]

i love 2 be bigender because i can see through bullshit like fucking apollo justice

#have been blocking terfs for the past 10 mins or so. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT LMAOOO #LET HER COOK 🔥🔥 I AM NOT EATING THO 🙅‍♂️ #(also for context im trans for political and societal reasons but in a perfect world i might be bigender + unlabeled or even cis) #heard someone say misogyny cant affect men by definition. bro what 😭😭. ive had dudes call me a pussy for like. not playing football #standards for men hurt women too. just say youve never had a brother that plays sports #+ ive had people make fun of my voice (+ BE TRANSMISOGYNISTIC) to my face because its Too Deep For A Real Woman #thank you for yr brave opposition of tee are ay oppression 🥺🥺

[rebellum]

Logically I know transphobes are dumb and illogical. But.

It's still hard to push their voices out of my head.

If a trans masc has sex with cis men, they're """basically straight women""", and if we have sex with cis women or other trans mascs we are """pussy4pussy""" like we are women copting the trans experience or something.

#obvs trans fems go thru a similar thing too #re: if they date cis women theyre '''''basically dangerous straight men''' who are 'pretending to be lesbians' #and if they have sex with cis men or other trans fems theyre 'basically gay men' or w/e #and dont even get me started on the intersex hatred and.. i forget thr word.. nonbinary hatred baked into this transphobia #assuming our genitals and reducing us to it #it just really hurts when it comes from other trans people.

[snekdood]

sometimes it feels like ppl on here think ppl who are stern and assertive are shitty and its like... im sorry but ive been walked on all my life, if im not stern and assertive ppl treat me like shit. 

#being bubbly and smiley and welcoming has only welcomed people who want to use and abuse me into my life #id love to be if i didn't feel like people were going to manipulate my kindness #and its not lost on me that im treated like an asshole for this probably bc some ppl just see me as a grumpy hysterical half-woman #even trans ppl who would tell me they dont but show me they do still feel that way about me lmao #ppl rly aren't prepared to discuss how trans men are effected by misogyny in and outside of our communities #we're seen as essentially ugly unsavory women #the woman 'its okay to hate bc they're problematic in x way even iof they aren't we need to find a way all trans mascs r problematic' #'so we have an excuse to keep ostracizing them' #bc once you dismiss someone as a woman you hate whos problematic its a free for all. for some reason yall will let your masks down #entirely on allegedly problematic people who are percieved as women. #like yall are trying to get it all out as quick as you can on trans men on how misogynistic you can be so then you can go 'well ur a man so #u dont experience misogyny lololol gotem anyways lets keep treating them like how society treats women they hate' #and then once it becomes mainstream that its not cool to hate all dudes including transmascs whom you've decided are somehow worse than cis #men- yall will slide into the shadows pretending you didn't do shit or contribute to shit going on here #but if brought up- you'll panic and scramble to find reasons to justify ur behavior. recycling problematic things those transmascs #supposedly did that are either dated and have been addressed and the person has changed or changed their mind since then or #shit thats been disproven and was never real to begin with #and yall dont want to sit in the silence acknowledging what u did at all so you'll keep deflecting and ignoring it forever #bc facing the reality that you've hurt someone for some reason is really hard for ppl on here

[uncanny-tranny]

It's still fucked up to go "why can't people accept trans men as men when they act JUST LIKE cis men," and it (at best) is putting trans men in a shitty position wherein we have to prove ourselves suffieciently enough and at worst is actively just transphobia reliant on gender essentialism, which affects all trans people and then some.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #i've honestly found that people have held me to a much higher standard than cis men and i imagine that is multiplied tenfold among TPoC #the conversation about how we (general) make TPoC into a Threat is not mine to have. i have seen this discussion pop up multiple times #and the way gender is racialized absolutely affects PoC and TPoC #it runs me the wrong way precisely because of the gender essentialism and how much of that is rooted in transphobia 👍 #like i feel as though people will read past the transphobia i'm talking about to go 'oh classic man whining' but... #...transphobia is transphobia even if it is 'gender-affirming' transphobia #my manhood isn't affirmed when you assume i'm a danger or that i am bound to be a fuck-up yknow? #because i *do* actually try my best to be good to the people around me and i *do* my best to protect others #and i am confident in the fact that the people around me irl will know that i don't fuck around when it comes to wanting to have their backs #like i have made it clear that i am willing to go apeshit if i'm told somebody is not safe #anyway i just want people to be mindful about how they talk about trans people and how playing into gender essentialism won't save us #i want people to know that they're still hurting trans people even if they think they're somehow punching up at us #talking about this because it's weirdly something i see so often when people even look at a trans man (only slightly hyperbolic) #people assume trans men have no idea what women and gender expansive people go through when it's like...??? HUH??? #(also going off earlier my manhood doesn't even *need* to be rooted in protecting others and being a shield for me to be a man)

[the-13th-rose]

Yeah I was gonna reblog that post about how kids are a huge commitment and it shouldn't be seen as the default to make that decision because you can't just change your mind later

Then I looked and the blog was like "actually oppressed men are shit too and anyone who argues against gender essentialism is a patriarchy-supporting coward" and I ran so fast

#bro i am so tired of not feeling able to trust feminist blogs! #like theoretically it should be good between us right? because i'm a girl and i agree that gender discrimination is bs #but nah because I'm always running into the ones who think trans people are tools of the patriarchy??? #or if not that then they’re at least going off with the gender essentialism bs #like you do shit like this and then wonder why you can't get other women to agree with you. gee. i fucking wonder why #couldn't possibly be the way you're acting. nah it's the other women who are wrong. (sarcasm) #maybe if you stopped punching down all the time and actually went after the people who *do* have power over you #there could be more agreement and solidarity. #they register to me like those aggressive gatekeepers who keep insisting only they can decide what identities are 'real' #and if you disagree with them then it's always *you* who's hurting the community according to them. #saying horrible shit and then when they're called out on it it's 'why can't we just support each other uncritically always 😭' #'men support men all the time! even when they do awful things!' and the solution you claim is women doing the same? #i should support white feminists when they contribute to racist stereotypes or oppression? #i should support cis feminists when they parrot conservative anti-trans rhetoric VERBATIM? #i should support those who hate bisexual women? who think we deserve abuse for liking men? #i don't fucking think so. just because men can be uncritical of their shitty pals doesn't mean i should.

[spiderweb-bf]

wanted to hang out with this group of cis guys that were out in my dorm hallway and they said we could be friends but then they walked farther away from me and eventually all left lol

#plus the casual transphobia i experience on a daily basis even from my queer trans friend group #they make all these jokes about me that i know for a fucking fact they would not make about cis men #like saying that I'm weak and have no muscles and 'have orphan vibes' like bro what the fuck #god I'm sorry I'm just upset #its just frustrating to know they would treat me different if i was cis #or even just on T #and it hurts more when it comes from other trans peopl #(there's more examples of these jokes but yeah i only listed a few)

[transmaverique]

gonna be honest I see anyone talking about this "my gender is more complicated than yours" shit as someone who genuinely cannot comprehend that other people that don't share certain traits with them can still in fact have rich interior lives. as an agender trans woman who uses she/her I've never had anyone say it to me who wasn't (usually unknowingly) transmisogynistic

see but im not talking about "rich interior lives" and the assumption that i am is exactly what im talking about. i am talking about the actual physical way that reality treats and percieves me in comparison to the way it treats and percieves you. saying my gender is "more complex" means to me that i am physically incapable of existing in a strictly binary world and that there is no thing i can pass as bc "binary man" and "binary woman" are both incorrect for me. and the Cisiety in question does not allow androgyny to exist - it is exclusively the timeframe people have to decide whether they think you are a cisman or a ciswoman, or a failure and a freak. i dont subscribe to that "binary privilege" shit, thats not how privilege works. but there are differences in the ways both you and i can navigate this strictly binary Cisiety!!! and those differences deserve to be named, imo

like. again. i dont have to comfort you about your own internal sense of gender before youll listen to me about my experiences in the real world as genderqueer. as a different sort of transsexual than you.

(and bc i Know what binary ppl love to say: i know not everyone is 'capable of passing'. what i am talking about specifically is the difference between being unable to pass as a cis woman or a cis man vs being unable to pass bc what i am does not exist AT ALL in a binary society, and both of those things are incorrect ans unattainable.)

(anyways if that language is too imperfect for you thats like fine but. its just confusing to me, i dont get why its hard to understand what we are talking about here. our experiences w our nonbinary genders are completely different! why do i have to discuss them like theyre the same?)

#do you consider yourself transfem first or agender first on an internal level? #do you feel like you are predominantly treated as a trans woman in your day to day? does that hurt the part of you that is agender? #< not trying to grill u or anything im genuinely curious #ive had similar convos w my transmasc and transfem nonbinary friends as well as like. my gnc binary trans friends #i am just curious bc. like i said 'binary' isnt a bad thing to be and frankly since u identify urself as agender ur not really the target a #dience here anyways? #the idea that theres no such thing as a binary trans person just #fundamentally misunderstands the extremely broad swathe of nonbinary experiences and treatments #my passing transmasc enby friends dont particularly feel touched by transphobia unless theyre clocked or unless our areas laws changed #but some DO feel like they r effected by exorsexism on a day to day by being assumed to be binary men and having the other parts of their i #entities erased #while others are completely comfortable being percieved as strictly men and moving through life strictly as men #which is sounds like. i would guess youd have a similar position since u exclusively use she/her? #like.. it sounds to me like your 'rich interior life' doesnt really have an outward effect on the way people percieve and treat you and the #way you react to it which is very different from my experience #binary doesnt mean your gender is 'simple' it just means that you are comfortable within a binary system even of you dont personally identi #y with it. and maybe this is a case of 'political identity vs personal identity'?? #and all of this is FINE its just. literally every time i talk about my own unique positioning my transandrogyny or whatever gives me #people crawl out of the woodwork to tell me my experiences are not actually unique #do u see what my issue is? my own trans experiences are erased bc other people 'disagree' with . what. my perspective as an 'unaligned' enb #? when its like. literally none of us are gonna have the same needs or experiences as trans people #and if 'binary' works to show that you are fine and comfortable being percieved exclusively as a woman #and 'nonbinary' works to show i am not #i dont really see what the issue w using the word 'binary' is #like i said. its not a slur. its not a bad thing to be. #and tbh i think this insistence that 'unaligned' nonbinary ppls perspectives arent actually unique to binary or 'aligned' nonbinary ppls is #directly contributing to like. lateral bigotry coming from said 'unaligned' enbies. like if u put urself in my shoes for a second and u gre #up being constantly told you were either a cis invader who didnt actually have any trans experiences and that only people who want to 'full #transition' were REAL transsexuals then. youd be kinda jaded too right? and im sure you ARE kinda jaded lol. #anyways. sorry for rambling at you i dont have any more tags left lol