#TW Disorientation

[songbirdemojis]

I feel bad for anyone who gets notifications from me :3c oh well. here's some self indulgent nauseous emojis

ofc tw implied sickness, nausea, and perhaps implied throwing up. I just get really nauseous when I get too anxious

#tw sickness #tw nausea #tw disorientation #shitpost emoji #self indulgent

[wounds-seen-and-unseen]

Vagdhandaja-Prologue

The actual fic scenes will be under the cut. This is world building of a sorts before the cut.

Arjun’s character here is very, very removed from canon (obviously, seeing that canon is an epic that is more than a 1000 years old) so I am only going to explain whatever is relevant to this story.

The milieu I am going for is an alternate universe of Delhi (India’s capital, in case anyone does not know) where the Kauraveya family are quite influential politicians for the most part. Arjun is the cherished youngest son of the family, very close to his mother, having lost his father as a child. He is a decorated war hero, known for both his battle prowess and his gallantry. He is an old school gentleman, so to speak. He values all human life, he prefers to avoid loss of life as much as possible. He married his wife, Subhadra, for love. Her brother, Krishn is his best friend. At the beginning of this story, he is escaping from a place he barely remembers.

Satyaka, the PoV for the prologue, is distantly related to Krishn, and by extension, Arjun’s mother Pritha, (Krishn is canonically Arjun’s first cousin, in this story, their blood relationship may be a little more removed). His son, Yuyudhana, not mentioned in this chapter by name, is Subhadra and Krishn’s friend here. I think that’s all the background needed for this story for now, but if something is unclear, please feel free to DM or ask me!

Trigger warnings: Panic attacks, discussion of intravenous drug use, disoriented character, brief emeto mention, distressed character.

Tagging @blue-lotus333 and @whither-wander-whump

Please ask or message if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list!

There are a few Sanskrit terms used here, meanings given below:

1. Pitr-shraadh: Shraadh is a Hindu ritual, in which one honours the dead. Pitr-shraadh specifically, as far as I know, is a ritual in which one honours their ancestors.

2. Pooja: Prayer ritual

3. Mata: Mother (respectful)

Prologue

Satyaka Varshney, on the way to the capital

I click the ignition off, glancing cursorily by my side at my son, fast asleep. I suppose a small break wouldn’t hurt.

Cracking my aching knuckles, I open the car door, sliding out and stretching. The wind is rustling through crowded forest greenery, fresh and clean. An unfamiliar thump directs my gaze to my son once more, still peacefully sleeping in the car. Keeping him in the line of my sight, I edge forward.

That doesn’t turn out to be a very wise thing to do in the pitch black of the depth of night, as I knock into something. Blindly reaching out, my hand hits solid flesh.

I can feel the flinch beneath my fingers, hear the faintly clicking, chattering teeth.

‘S-so-sorry. Plea-please don’t-don’t-they-I’- I blink. In front of me is a young man, hardly visible in the dark.

Whatever little I can see of him, he is obviously scared, shaking, streaks of mud on his torn shirt, what once used to probably be military camouflage. ‘I’m sorry, s-sir.’ He says, cringing away from me. ‘Hey there, young man,’ I whisper, the boy putting in my mind a spooked horse. ‘It’s alright. I’m not going to turn you in. You on the run from those outlaws down there?’ ‘Out-outlaws? Sir?’ The frank confusion in his voice has me backtrack. What the hell has happened to this young man?

‘Never mind that. Where are you coming from? Do you have anywhere to go to?’

He blinks. Looks pensive for a moment, then, face tight and eyes on the floor, he whispers, voice hoarse, ‘I…I am not sure, sir. I don’t-I don’t know what this place is. Where are we?’ I sigh. ‘Are you alright?’ The boy seems disoriented enough to warrant that insipid question. He looks down at himself, then musters a smile as he looks back up, still not meeting my eyes. ‘I think so, sir? I will be.’

‘You sure don’t look it,’ I mutter, shucking off my coat, looking critically at him, the ceaseless shivering, the remnants of bloodstains on his face. I hand the coat over to him. ‘Here. You look like you need it. And this place isn’t safe. Would you like to come with me?’ His gaze skitters away from me. ‘I-thank you sir, but I’m dirty. I wouldn’t want to be a burden.’ He’s clearly making effort to pronounce his words right. ‘And you aren’t. I have a son your age. I’d want him to be safe, just like I’m sure your family wants you safe and sound.’ I wrap the coat around his shaking shoulders. ‘There.’ He flinches away from my touch. ‘Easy. It’s alright. Can you walk?’ He nods. ‘Yes. I will. Where’- ‘I’ll tell you. Follow me.’ He does that obediently enough, although he looks over his shoulder for every step he takes. From what I can understand of his situation, I don’t blame him for the same.

Once we are leaning against the hood of my car, I probe gently. ‘Look, kid, I want to help you. Honestly. But I can’t do that if you don’t tell me anything.’ Frustration echoes in his voice as he replies ‘I am grateful, sir, but I really don’t-I remember, I had been on duty. I had asked leave from my senior so that I could do the pitr shraadh. I finished the pooja. I drank some water that was in my canteen, and then…then my head spun. Some people were trying to-to drag me off. I don’t know why, I’d never seen them before. I fought as best as I could. But I lost. That’s all I know. Then I woke up shaking on some unknown floor. I escaped as soon as I could. Honestly, sir, I’m not-I don’t lie. I don’t. You’ve done so much…I wouldn’t.’ His shivering increases as he finishes his speech, and he stumbles. ‘Whoa!’ ‘I…sorry, sir. I’m dizzy.’ ‘I can see that, kid. How long has it been since you ate?’ I ask, keeping a firm hold of his hand. He shakes his head. ‘Okay. Okay. I think these outlaws did you in. We’re at the edge of their outpost. You seem to be real lucky that they haven’t caught you yet. Tell me where you want to go, ‘kay? I’ll see if I can help you there.’ ‘To the capital. The Kauraveya Mansion.’ ‘You’re one of ‘em, huh? Some distant coz of mine married into that family. The younger son, the legitimate one, that is. I remember attending her wedding, barely married myself, too besotted by my own wife, with eyes for nought but the food. I hear the lady is mighty beautiful, though.’ He smiles, I can see the flash of teeth in the dark, feel the tense pull of his shoulder relax slightly under my hand.

‘The most beautiful in the world,’ he says, softly. ‘She is my mother. I’ll tell her that I heard the food in her wedding was really nice.’ I laugh. ‘You’re one of the Vrishni clan, then, sir? Krishn said that his clan is huge.’ ‘Aye. So you’re one of us, too, in a way.’ He shrugs. ‘I suppose so?’ ‘Of course you are. However distant, ain’t a matter. Once a connection is established, it’s there forever. You know Krishn?’ I shake my head. ‘Course you do. Never mind that, come in,’ I open the door of my car. ‘Get a bit warm, have somethin’ to drink. Wouldn’t want you to collapse like that again. Should coz find out her kiddo fainted on my watch, I’m sure she’d have my head.’ He laughs, soft and sincere. ‘Her name is Pritha. I’m Arjun. And you’re probably right, mata is very…protective.’ ‘As she very well should be, a handsome young lad like you.’ He looks down. ‘Is that a blush? I see you aren’t used to teasing yet.’

He peeks into the car. ‘Careful there. My young bison is snoring in here.’ ‘Dad. ‘M not a bison of any sort! And who’s this?’ ‘Cousin o’ yours. Arjun Kauraveya, I take it?’ He nods. My son starts upright. ‘Krishn’s brother-in-law? His best friend? Whoa. I met their family a few days ago. Both the ladies were…pretty distraught.’

The boy at my side closes his eyes, obviously affected. ‘My fault,’ he whispers. I cuff my idiot of a kid. ‘Motor mouth, can’t you think of what you speak?’ I hiss at him, jerking my chin at the distraught younger man.

‘And you.’ I turn to Arjun. ‘None of that, kid. You didn’t ask to be captured like that.’ ‘No, but’- ‘Hey, you’re gonna go home, alright? They’re yours to take care of.’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,’ my son murmurs. Arjun shakes his head. ‘It’s alright…you were honest, thank you for that.’ My son shakes his head in return. ‘No. It’s not like you ran off on your own. You were on duty, right?’ Neither I nor Arjun correct him, leaving him to his ignorance. ‘You’re doing your best, that’s all you can do.’ The other man doesn’t look very convinced but nods his head.

I hand him a bottle of water. ‘There you go. Drink up.’ His hand shakes as he takes the bottle. I drank the water in my canteen, I remember him saying. And then my head spun. Small wonder he is scared. I take it back, drinking a gulp myself. ‘There. It’s safe, son.’ His gaze flies to mine, finding the floor again in a flash. ‘I’m’- I cut him off. ‘Nothin’ to say sorry for. Given what you’re comin’ from, it’s perfectly understandable.’

Once he’s had the water, I gesture to a sandwich. ‘Get some food inside ya, ‘kay? I can drive you to the capital, sure, we gotta go there, too. Not your house, of course not, but Lutyen’s street should work? He’s wide-eyed, staring at me as if afraid to believe. ‘Sir..I can’t ask that’- ‘Nah, you ain’t askin’. Don’t worry about it. Go on, eat the thing.’

He tries. A bite later, he stops. ‘I don’t think I can,’ he says, sounding guilty. ‘What’s the matter, kiddo?’ ‘I might be si’- he’s cut off as he gags, shoving his head out of the window. ‘Whoa. Okay. Want me to stop the car?’ He shakes his head jerkily. ‘N-no. It’s ‘kay.’

‘Wait.’ My son’s voice is cool. ‘Yeah?’ Arjun asks. ‘Those marks on your arm…did you do that? Are you an IV user? Is that why you’re confused?’ ‘W-what?’ ‘Hey!’ I interject, the kid clearly struggling to understand the pointed question. ‘He was kidnapped, bud, he didn’t’- ‘No!’ It’s the loudest I’ve heard his voice. ‘No, I wouldn’t. Mata hates that kinda stuff, I don’t even drink.’ He shakes his head. ‘I didn’t do this, please believe me.’

I glare at my son. ‘Apologize. Seriously, is this the kind of question you ask?’ Arjun blanches. ‘I-I didn’t, but…they held me down, I’m-I’m remembering.’ His voice is blank. His eyes are flaring wide as they turn to me. ‘Could they have drugged…’ he trails off. ‘They might have,’ he answers himself. ‘Maybe that’s why I feel sick. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I fought, I did, I did, I’-

‘Hey.’ My son intercedes as the younger man’s breathing quickens. ‘I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t know. If what you say is true, and I believe it is, you are not to blame. Take a breath, okay?’ He does. ‘Good. Now, just get it out, what you remember. Maybe we can help you piece it together.’ ‘Yeah…’ he murmurs, shaky. ‘Okay. I…oh. Oh, no. No, no, no. No…’ His voice falters and breaks as he repeats a frantic denial. ‘What happened?’ I ask, trying to break him out. ‘I-I broke my vow, I broke it!’ He’s vitriolic, sheer loathing in his voice. ‘God, I broke it…How could I have done it?’ ‘You did what you had to survive, kid, it’s-you can make it better, okay?’ ‘No,’ he says, his voice a knell of grief. ‘What I did…it’s unforgivable.’

#my writing #nila writes #fic: vagdhandaja #arjun kauraveya #arjun #satyaka #prologue #tw panic attacks #tw iv drug use #tw disorientation #tw vomiting #archer writes

[inevitablemoment]

Frightober Day 21 - Crossover

Word Count: 547

Warnings: Concussion, disorientation

Fandom: The Frighteners, Ghostbusters

Pairings: Frank Bannister x Lucy Lynskey

Okay, like I'm Home, My Love, this is connected to my future multi-chapter Ghostbusters/Frighteners crossover.

Enjoy!

————————

"Ma'am, are you okay? Ma'am!"

The deep voice uttering those words worsened the throbbing pain in Lucy's head. A strong hand helped her roll over from her stomach onto her back. Her eyes will still closed, but she could tell that it was very bright out.

"Where's my husband?" she asked.

"He's getting help, ma'am," the voice told her. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Doc-- Dr. Lucy Bannister," Lucy answered, unable to keep herself from thinking about how familiar the voice was. "My husband's name is Frank. We-- we have a daughter, Julia-- she turned one on Halloween."

"Any family we can call?" the voice asked her.

"My-- my boss, Dr. Henry Kamins," Lucy told him, beginning to open her eyes slowly.

And when she saw the owner of the voice. He had dark hair that was obviously naturally wavy, but had been styled in a high pompadour. His dark brown eyes were framed by round wire glasses, complimenting the structure of his face in a way. He was dressed in a familiar, tan-colored flightsuit that she had seen people of all ages dress in for Halloween.

"Egon Spengler?" she spoke his name aloud without even realizing.

"Yes-- Dr. Bannister, what's the last thing you remember?" Egon asked her.

Lucy opened her mouth to try to speak, but she struggled to articulate her thoughts.

How-- how was Egon Spengler right there across from her?

He was a character from a movie. She had seen in theaters with her mother when it first came out.

"Wh-- what's going on?" she asked. "Where-- where the hell am I?"

"Dr. Bannister, you're in Tribeca," Egon explained. "You may have sustained a concussion or some other head injury."

"No, I mean-- how is this possible? This-- this can't be real!" she exclaimed.

Well, why the hell wouldn't it be? she thought.

If ghosts and witches existed, then of course she would somehow find a way to be trapped in a movie. Even if Egon looked a teeny bit older than he had in the second movie.

"What-- what year is it?"

"Today's date is November 5th, 1991," Egon answered.

"No, it's November 5th, 2001," Lucy argued. "I-- Frank and I-- FRANK!"

She pushed herself up to her feet and immediately regretted it, but still ran off until she came across Frank, who was being examined by Dan Ay-- Ray Stantz.

"Frank?"

"Luce," Frank sat up and pulled her into his arms.

"What-- what's going on?" she asked him. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Just-- we were getting Julia ready for bed," Frank tried. "And-- and then, those women from Anissa's coven burst in... and that's it. I-- I can't remember anything else until now."

"Who's Anissa?" Ray asked.

Lucy looked at Ray, still trying to adjust to the idea of communicating with this fictional character in a flesh-and-blood form. "She's... she's... I'm sorry, I just--"

Suddenly, something whooshed past them-- an indigo shape with a high-pitched cackle. Frank gripped onto Lucy protectively.

"PETE! WINSTON!" Ray called out.

Egon caught up with them. "Dr. Bannister, I think you and your husband should go inside the firehouse."

Both Frank and Lucy looked up, seeing the familiar "No Ghosts" logo that had been plastered over everything from lunchboxes to pop-up Halloween stores.

#Frightober 2023 #frightober2023 #Ghostbusters/The Frighteners Crossover #Lunnister #Lucy Lynskey #Egon Spengler #Frank Bannister #Ray Stantz #The Frighteners #Ghostbusters #Trini Alvarado #Harold Ramis #Michael J. Fox #Dan Aykroyd #TW Concussion #TW Disorientation #OTP: Alters Your Perception #Altered Perceptions 'verse #Altered Perceptions #Frank x Lucy #Frank Bannister x Lucy Lynskey #Ghostbusters II

[justaboutsnapped]

what i've been up to lately

#lost my mind over javascript but it's ok at least i actually made smth :/// #something something light & afterimage. daydream & disorientation. a winter afternoon. mid-yawn #*mine: gd #flashing #tw flashing #flash warning

[whumperfultime]

Whumpril 2024 Day 4: Swaying

@whumpril

Contains: Head injury, concussion, vehicular crash, dizziness, platonic comfort

~

One second they were driving down the tree-lined road leading back to their hotel. The next second Matago heard a revving engine close behind.

Then he was weightless and everything came in flashes.

The ATV taking a sharp left swerve. Dace crying out and brakes squealing. A blur of green and brown and dust flying into the air.

Finally, a burst of pain as his head slammed against the ground.

Then the movement stopped. Matago sucked in a deep breath, his ribs aching and hopefully not broken. Grass and dirt rubbed against his palms as he struggled to push himself upright.

He was distantly aware of noises and movement around him. A trio of unfamiliar men ran towards the ditch where the transport had crashed, forcing open the back storage compartment and grabbing the bags inside. As fast as they arrived, they charged back up the hill to a van parked on the side of the road and clambered inside. Then the van sped off, leaving everything suddenly quiet.

Matago’s eyes fluttered shut. The flashing images started to connect in his mind – someone had run them off the road and into a ditch.

“Shit…are you okay? Can you hear me?”

He opened his eyes again and slowly turned his throbbing head to the left. To his relief, it was Dace, stumbling past the wrecked transport to greet him. By some miracle the other man appeared mostly unhurt, aside from some rough scrapes and cuts on his left side. He must have been able to hold on to the handlebars enough to avoid getting thrown off the seat.

“Yeah,” Matago replied, his voice quiet and weak. “You good?”

“As far as I know.” Dace crouched down next to him, looking him over for visible injuries. “You?”

It took Matago a moment to piece together the words for an answer. “Head hurts,” he slurred. “Don’t think anything’s broken, though.”

Dace frowned, and even in his disoriented state, Matago knew what he was thinking. That wasn’t just a simple bump on the head, was it?

“Okay…we should be able to walk back to the hotel, it’s not too far. Kalei can call for medical services or rent a transport to get you to a doctor.”

More of the pieces connected in Matago’s mind as he caught a glimpse of the open storage compartment. “They stole the money.”

Fuck. The payment of twenty thousand credits from their last job gone. A colleague of a colleague had apparently warned Kalei about thieves targeting drivers in the area near their hotel, but the three of them had brushed it off as a rumor. Looked like there was truth to it after all.

“We’ll deal with that later. Do you think you can stand?”

“Guess I’ll find out.”

With Dace’s help, Matago managed to slowly push himself upright along the edge of the ditch, eventually straightening to the point that Dace could pull him into a standing position.

Yeah, that definitely wasn’t just a bump on the head.

A wave of dizziness crashed over him, nearly sending him tumbling back to the ground. The uneven dirt beneath his feet only made it harder to keep his balance. He staggered a few steps forward and back, grabbing hold of Dace, the most solid physical anchor he had.

“Whoah, whoah, you okay?” Dace was thankfully strong enough to be able to hold him upright as he stumbled.

“Dizzy,” was all he could say in reply. The ground seemed to rock beneath him no matter where he tried to plant his feet.

“I could try to run back to the hotel and get Kalei first-”

Matago shook his head, then grimaced at another throbbing pulse of pain. “Don’t…don’t wanna be here if those guys come back.”

Dace stood rigid for a moment, weighing the options, while Matago swayed on shaky legs.

“Okay,” he said with a sigh. “If you think you can make it that far.”

Dace adjusted them both so Matago could lean on him further, then began to guide him towards a spot further down the ditch where the hill to the road was less steep. Matago stumbled on every third or fourth step even putting all his focus onto keeping his balance.

His mind fogged over as they reached the roadside. Only two thoughts remained clear: the nagging voice that told him he wouldn’t make it back to the hotel this way and the relentless determination trying to silence it.

#my writing #ocs: the crew #whumpril2024 #whumprilday4 #head trauma #concussion #car accident tw #(not technically a car in this case but yk what i mean) #disorientation #dizziness #comfort #and a whole bunch of medical inaccuracy probably #but fuck it in this house we prioritize fun and plot over medical accuracy 👍

[winterfloral]

I am a little tipsy and very much enjoying watching 911 lone star

#i dont drink often so i am also disorientated #tw alchohol mention

[fletcherwilbury]

@sicktember Day 30: Alt Prompt 3: Pounding Headache

Warning for Illness, exhaustion, headache, disorientation, seizure, bruises, medication

#sicktember #sicktember 2023 #sicktember day 30 #alt prompt 3 #pounding headache #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2012 raph #tmnt 2012 donnie #tmnt 2012 casey jones #jonatello #illness cw #exhaustion cw #headache cw #disorientation cw #seizure tw #bruises cw #medication cw

[snowdin-stims]

💜 | source

#mod moth [☃️] #lights #mirrors #mirror room #art museum #purple #pink #white #green #blue #magenta #black #disorientating #flashing #flashing tw #eye strain #eye strain tw #queue'd #color changing

[mmriesoftvat]

"Kaedehara? Kaedehara! Hey, samurai!" Raven's been trying to wake Kazuha for some time now, and while the other man's eyes are open, he doesn't appear to be fully aware of his surroundings. There's a foggy look to those normally bright, crimson eyes that has the puppet suspecting that Kazuha is about as coherent as a Mondstadter who's had too many drinks, and the coughing fits that he keeps falling into are bringing back memories of a little boy who had perished centuries ago. Nearby, Rei is pacing back and forth, her worry apparent, though it's clear that she doesn't know what to do.

"R-Raven? Is... Is he gonna be okay... ?"

Grinding his teeth, Raven doesn't know how to reply. Will Kazuha get better? Or is he destined to meet his end far too soon? The puppet doesn't realize it, but he's trembling, fingers curling into his palms as he stares down at the ronin who he's knelt beside. No. No, not again. He's not letting this happen again--

"Rei, there's an inn nearby - that's where we're headed!" Not wanting to waste anymore time, Raven scoops his arms beneath Kazuha, bedroll and all, and bundles him close, glancing back towards the little girl. "Get on my back. Now."

Thankfully, she seems to be in no mood to argue, and her small arms are soon looped around his neck as he summons his anemo abilities, allowing them to lift him up off the ground before he soars through Dihua Marsh. If they were lucky, it wouldn't be too late to get the ronin proper treatment.

But only if Kazuha could hold on that long.

Everything feels sticky, warm, hazy. Kazuha had tried sleeping, but found himself pitching sideways into another reality. He's aware of where he is, or so he thinks. He can hear voices around him, voices that sounds far too familiar and yet, completely alien to him at the same time.

Toma?

There is a face in front of Kazuha, hands shaking at him, but Kazuha can't move. Is the face that of his passed friend? The looks are vaguely distant, but right now that's all Kazuha can think of. He's terrified, the feeling of paralysis is far too strong for his weakened body and mind to handle.

His dazed mind is conjuring up images of being caught in lightning's grasp. Though there's the absence of pain, Kazuha is trying to voice his concerns, that this is a repeat of that night coming back to haunt him.

"Toma," Kazuha manages to wheeze out. "I'm trying..." A coughing fit overtakes him again, and all Kazuha can do is curl up in those arms and hope he's being carried to safety. Maybe he'll be taken to Watatsumi island where Her Exellency can care for him.

Or maybe it's Captain Beidou carrying him to the Alcor, and far away from all this madness. Kazuha can hope. All he really knows and cares about is that the arms carrying him feel like safety, and he never wants to leave them.

He's unaware of the panic surrounding him in reality, that Raven and Rei both are worried for his health and apparent coming passing. Kazuha doesn't know he's being carried to Wangshu Inn to recieve medical care and a soft bed to rest and recover in.

In his mind, the only thing that matters is that this is the grip of his friend, carrying him far from Inazuma. Almost.

There's something that doesn't feel right about this. Toma feels different somehow, and his voice doesn't carry the same gentleness it once did. Had he been revived into someone different?

"Please don't leave me," Kazuha begs, trying weakly to grip at fabric around raven's arms. "Please don't leave me again." He tries to make eye contact, but even now, oblivion is threatening to overtake him, to drown him in a realm of nightmares and past horrific memories.

"Don't let her touch me-"

It's all Kazuha manages to force out before succumbing to a fainting spell, head lolling back and with rattling breaths the biggest sign that Kazuha's still alive.

#ironbloodcd #; raven #; rei #( ANSWERED. ) #( SELF | KAZUHA. ) #illness tw #fainting tw #hallucination tw #disorientation #kazuha is very sick

[cozypups]

AHHHHHHHH WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA THROW UP i was so anxious before the appt for some reason, i was gonna talk abt a particular difficult time in my life, i guess i was embarrassed?? talked about it, eventually randomly calm about it, and now i feel like i'm gonna throw up again what's wrong with me

#🐶 #I GUESS IT WAS A LOT? #it's like if excitement met the stomach flu mixed with extreme brain disorientation #help me #tw emeto

[alastgoodnight]

Ooh. Ooh, not good.

She's trying to... well, to get some fresh air during lunch break. But now the sky is wide open, and she can't...

"Ooh." Naomi stumbles back onto the bottom stair of the porch, and falls into a sitting position, cradling her head in her hands. Her mind is swimming in blue, no lines or clouds or anything to anchor her, and she can't figure out where her head is in relation to the floor.

It's gotten worse. Heaven help her, she's somehow gotten worse.

#Casting Call (Chapter 2) #agoraphobia tw #disorientation tw

[loveofastarvingdog]

i feel like i’m losing my mind

#and no one gets it #and like it's fine and. it's not like i expected anyone to get it #but the brain fog and dissociation and disorientation is kicking my ass recently #and i know it comes in waves and i know i'm not helping with my sleep and eating and water habits #but i keep expecting it to be easier #and it's not the stuff that's hard it's just the getting it done part #i know i'm good at writing essays and i know i give a damn good speech and i know that i CAN do this stuff #but then it comes time to focus or understand or etc etc etc and it just fucking knocks my upside the head again #i just feel so silly. and so. ueagh #and it's fine and i'm fine and it's manageable but goddamn why did i have to get chronic stuff from getting sick when i was already #adhd and anxious and possibly [etc etc etc] #and on top of all that. no kisses ! sad #anyways now that i'm done being butt hurt by the fact that [insert self deprecating talk here that i'm not actually going to say #because i don't want platitudes and also because i ''deserve'' better than being an asshole to myself] #anyways. it's fine. just getting this stuff in today and getting the stuff in tomorrow and then surviving monday when i start work again #even though this is literally the worst time for me to start work since i currently don't have a working brain and will probably make #countless sucky mistakes and get horribly embarrassed and humiliated and even worse get fired. or WORSE. not get fired but get humiliated #yikes. i've got a pessimistic view of all this huh. at least i'll be getting money ! yay #tw swearing #tw vent #tw rant #tw internalized ableism #ask to tag #timothy's txts.

[moonjade]

There is something so dystopian about having to apply for financial aid because you can’t afford to pay your hospital bill 🙃

#text #personal #medical #tw medical #i don’t even know how much the bill is. I’ve received so many things in the mail stating what I owe #the last thing i got from the hospital stated that I owed $26000 lol #(my insurance is shitty and doesn’t cover ER visits). so insurance won’t do anything #and in the financial aid application i received there’s a sentence that says ‘we know that medical debt can cause financial hardships’ #please 😭 they KNOW that medical debt can fuck up people’s lives #how is the US the ‘best country in the world’ and yet serve out bills like that to ppl who can’t pay for it #like I should’ve just stayed dizzy af. I mean I’m kind of back to square one anyway with the dizziness and disorientation #the doctors in the south literally fucking suck like they do not give a rats ass about their patients #(at least the ones I’ve been to). but im so fucking frustrated #I guess I can forget about trying to find a therapist/psychiatrist and seeing if there’s something Wrong with me (aka anxiety) #i’ll just suffer ig until I get a job. which will only make my suffering worse. I just know it lol #bc the last time I had a job it literally sent me into a spiral and it made my anxiety 1000% worse #anyways my personal posts always turn into rants/vents/me being negative so. I need to stop lmao

[kamuisevenseals]

(( once again not on the right blog for this, uh ryo or mayumi from theirunluckystars )) 🥴

🥴  to  catch  my  muse  as  they  faint.

One moment Kamui had been standing up, the next moment he had become overcome with dizziness. Before he could even react he had blacked out.

When he came to he was lying on the floor in the recovery position, still feeling some confusion about what on earth had happened. He was aware that there were people around him, he could hear the concern in their voices.

Once he had become more aware he was able to at least be able to speak. "Did I faint?" He asked, he still probably sounded a little out of it.

@theirunluckystars

#theirunluckystars #fainting tw #kinda going from my own experience here #was definitely like pretty disorientated when I fainted #thanks for sending

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

it is so hard making proper food. like even shit like instant noodles are hard for us because we need to clean a bowl and fork/chopsticks for that. at least we've lost the urge to order food to our home. that should help on our economy and help us lose weight. already worked a bit. god why can't we be normal

#we have so little energy for things #executive dysfunction and anxiety are kicking our ass #then dissociation likes to kick in to make us too disorientated to focus on shit #and sudden waves of sleepiness will make us have to lie down #fucking hate this shit #levi.speaking #my.posts #tw weighloss #tw food issues

[whumpster-in-a-dumpster]

Whumptober 22: Prompt 4 - Dead on Your Feet

Turning Point Part 2

Part 1

Waking Up Disorientated

CW: Torture, needles

Lights flickered. Orange and black, blink, blink, blink. He floated below the surface, tethered to the sea bed by his wrists and ankles. Waves crashed above him, distant pulses that swayed him where he drifted far below. The water was thick as he breathed it in, making his chest heavy, filling his lungs with lead. Hard surface beneath him, a soft head filled with cotton. Orange, black, orange, black. Someone in the room. Hard to breathe. Harder to move. If you're too tired to swim lie on your back and let the waves carry you. He lay back and let himself sink, knowing he could breathe the water. The darkness sucked him down, the current drawing him deeper, where the water was icy black and the pressure threatened to crush his bones. His arms were pinned to his sides, his head was reeling, but still the current pulled him, faster and faster now. Silver bubbles streamed away from him. He wanted to breathe but something over his mouth prevented it. He saw the water but his eyes weren't open, he could feel them moving behind his closed lids even as the sea floor rushed around him. He struggled now, wanting to swim, to surface. His eyes flickered and it was white, not orange, sharp and too bright and he flinched. Rough hands grabbed his head and tore tape from his mouth and he gasped, eyes wide and rolling as he desperately tried to focus on anything. His head lolled. The soft, quiet sea called behind his eyes and he almost sank back into it until a bucket of ice water was tipped abruptly over his head. His chest constricted; he gagged, jerked, found that he was bound to a metal chair with his wrists zip-tied behind him. His bare feet and ankles were bound to the chair legs and his jacket was gone, leaving him in his now soaked-through shirt. He blinked rapidly, chest heaving, as a tall man stepped out from behind him, placing the empty bucket on the floor. He smiled in a friendly way, and took a seat in an office chair behind the wide wooden desk that stood opposite. A bright white lampstand with three heads, one of which pointed directly at Sandy, illuminated their corner of the room, which otherwise faded into darkness. No walls could be seen.

The man laced his fingers before him on the desk.

"Pleasant trip?" He asked mildly.

Sandy gulped, struggling to bring his breathing under control as cold reality starkly reasserted itself. The man continued to smile with a mild, quiet calm. He was older than the others had been, maybe in his mid fifties, thin and wiry with an angular face unsoftened by white stubble and unkempt salty hair. His small eyes were a muddy green, and they gleamed with amusement as Sandy swallowed and straightened himself as much as he could. His efforts were hampered by his whole body starting to tremble with violent shivers that clenched his aching neck and shoulders. When they finally abated his muscles felt weak and watery, dull and detached. The chair creaked beneath him. Somewhere behind him there was a low electrical buzz, like a generator or a faulty strip light. He resisted the urge to turn around.

"You appear to have kidnapped me." He said, fighting to keep his voice even despite the shuddering.

"An excellent observation." The man tilted his head. "I hope this isn't too much of a surprise. It seems like you've been doing everything you can to catch someone's attention these last few weeks. Consider our attention caught."

Sandy nodded slowly, internally listing the number of people he'd recently encountered whose 'attentions' might lead to his current predicament. He was dismayed to find several possibilities coming to mind. The man seemed to notice his uncertainty, and the maddening smile inched wider.

"I can see you're having difficulty narrowing it down." He stood up slowly, long limbs unfurling with calm, unhurried confidence. "I'm afraid I can't help you there - I'm what you might call a freelancer. You can call me Grey."

He stepped around Sandy, uncomfortably close. Sandy felt his heart quicken, stuttering slightly in his chest, and forced himself to breathe slowly, for all the difference it would make. He tried to pull at his restraints without much success - his limbs didn't seem to be responding in time, and moving his head too quickly made the room spin. Something rolled on metal castors behind him and he turned before he could stop himself. Grey stood facing away from him, directly behind his back so that he had to crane his neck to catch a glimpse out of the corner of his eye. Grey's attention seemed to be on a silver trolley in front of him, but more than that Sandy couldn't make out through the gloom and his poor angle. His shoulders tensed as another shiver racked him, and he barely manage to muffle a quiet sound of distress.

"Don't mind the shaking." Grey said behind him. "It's the anaesthetic wearing off. Quite normal."

The wheels moved closer behind him. Sandy felt the gooseflesh prickling along the back of his neck.

"I don't suppose there's any point asking where I am?" He ventured shakily.

"Hm?" Grey shifted something on the trolley behind him. Paper rustled. Metal clinked against a hard surface. "Oh no, not at all. It barely matters anyway. Suffice to say we're not going to be disturbed."

He circled around Sandy, coming to a halt in front of him. He was holding a cylindrical leather case, tapping the lid absently with his left hand. He looked down at Sandy appraisingly.

"Your condition means we're going to have to do a little careful testing before we really get started. I know you're a smart man so I won't beat around the bush - I'm going to hurt you, very badly, and I need to know how much pain you can take without passing out. I suspect your tolerance will be a little lower than most since I understand that your attacks can be brought on by stress, meaning your baseline levels will naturally be a little higher."

He opened the case and showed Sandy the contents, drawing one item from inside. A single long, very fine needle, maybe 8 centimetres in length, with an orange plastic head. There were several dozen more in the case.

"I can't imagine you're the sort who believes in alternative medicines." He said with another smile, closing the case. "This is an acupuncture needle. Normally they're used to alleviate pain through manipulation of the body's vital energy. When used incorrectly, however, they can cause some significant damage. People have even died, from a careless placement of a needle through the lungs or the heart."

He moved like a spider, long, spindly limbs curling and uncurling. He knelt on the floor on Sandy's left side. Sandy's eyes were transfixed on the needle in his right hand, and he flinched hard when Grey gripped his leg just above the knee, pinning it to the chair.

"You'll be pleased to know that I am not careless. I promise, nothing that I do today is going to kill you. That's for the people waiting outside."

Sandy began to struggle in earnest, but it was like punching in a dream. His limbs refused to answer, heavy and unwilling, and Grey held him down with a strength belied by his sticklike frame. Even his throat seemed to have closed up, sticking shut around the too-obvious protests of stop, wait, please don't.

"I'd try and stay still once this is in, if I were you." Grey said calmly, gently placing the tip of the needle against Sandy's twitching outer thigh and beginning to push. Sandy gritted his teeth, determined that at least no further sounds of pain would escape him. It wasn't so bad - a thin, dull ache, and incessant pressure, and then suddenly a shock of electric agony jolted through his leg from his hip to his knee. He shouted in wordless pain, immediately betraying himself, and his whole leg jerked in spasm, the ties around his ankle biting against the skin. Grey sat back, the bright orange head of the needle still projecting from Sandy's leg.

"That was your anterior cutaneous nerve." He said calmly. He reached out and flicked the needle and Sandy cried out, biting down quickly on the sound, clamping his mouth shut as his leg trembled and his stomach roiled. "A useful starting point. I'm sure you can extrapolate where we go from here, though I suppose I could leave the choice of the next needle up to you. What do you think?" He reached up to prod Sandy's shoulder. Sandy flinched away, panting hard through his nose.

"The suprascapular nerve? The lateral brachial? One of the intercostals, perhaps?"

Sandy swallowed. His leg with filled with an electric hum, flickering pins and needles that cracked and sparked with every movement. He wasn't an idiot. He'd considered this - or something like this - as a possibility for a long time. Grey was right - he'd made a habit of making a nuisance of himself to some very dangerous people. He'd hoped in the moment he'd be able to face it with cocky defiance, or failing that cold stoicism. But pain and terror were a lot easier to contemplate from a comfortable distance. Nobody knew he was here. The agony in his leg was only too real, as was the smiling man and his box of needles.

Bravery, then. He swallowed, finding his mouth uncomfortably dry.

"Whatever it is you want -"

"No no, we're nowhere near that yet." Grey waved off his bravado impatiently. "As I said this is just the preliminary stage. The preamble, if you like. When I actually want anything from you, you'll know about it."

He stood, picking up the box.

"How about the radial nerve? Somewhere near the wrist. Start at the outside and work our way in."

#whumptober2022 #no.4 #waking up disoriented #oc:Sandy #disorientation #drugged #torture #delirium #interrogation #restrained #tw: needles