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saintheartwing · 3 years

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Promised Neverland, Season 2, Episode 8 Review...

They are SUPER. RUSHING. THIS. It’s just incredibly lame. It’s frankly just insulting. The “new story” that the author decided to adapt? You know what they did? They went the Batman vs Superman “Save...Marthaaaaa” route.

Let me explain. It begins with Norman meeting Peter Ratri.Isabella introduces him. He’s his “new father”.

“But you can call me Peter. Peter Ratri. I’d like your assistance with my research!”

How exciting! Norman can study all he wants now. But Norman knows what’s up. He knows he’s just a product even now. Maybe not FOOD but...still a product.

Norman is soon shown taking tests. He hunches over a screen quickly scanning things left and right, it’s super atmospheric alright, and his test scores are amazing. Perfect scores every time despite them increasing in difficulty. It’s fantastic. Lambda 7214 is lucky to have him.

Norman is soon eating alone in his room as the other scientists marvel over his skills. He’s got mad skills, alright. MAAAAD SKIIIILZ.

Peter Ratri is pleased by this. The kid’s perfect for Lambda’s upcoming plans. The era of James Ratri the gatekeeper is over. Now HE’LL control the farms and he shan’t give them an inch of hope.

The scientist behind him frowns visibly. And meanwhile, Norman’s found something. A litle puzzle box like a rubix cube. A note put into it. And who put it in there? An African American young man named Vincent.

We get to briefly see peeks of the folks that Norman would make into his friends. Tiny brief glimpses of horrors...and cute little rooms full of toys and dolls...while on the opposite side, Demons are tearing kids apart...

He will live. He will live and keep living to see everyone again-

Then he begins to cough up blood. Ohhh dear. He’s sick. Super sick. He doesn’t have much time left. He begins to put it together. He has six cameras in the room. 15 personnel at night. But he can gain explosives. He just needs parts for a detonator, he says to himself, playing a chess game.

CHECKMATE.

And then it happens. SHAAA-BOOOOM! The facility gets blown up. People are dead all over. Blood has pooled around. His plan worked. Mr. Smee, the friendly scientist, helped him pull it off, and gives him a pen as Vincent and he go to save the only remaining older kids left...who would become his gang. “Are you God?” Barbara asks.

Framed by the red alarm light...Norman looks more like the Devil.

But unluckily for the demons left over and captured, the only ones left alive, well...Norman kinda needs some more data on demons...and, well...turnabout is fair play...

We cut back to the present. Norman knows he’s soon to die. But he wants to create a safe world for Emma...

Meanwhile, Emma and Ray and Don and Gilda are out searching for Mujika and Sonju. They need to find someplace with multiple escape routes that would also be easy to hide in. Luckily, they know such a place, and they found footprints...

Alas, it’s not them. It’s something that walks on six feet. Nope. Small, wild demon. Maybe...this place? Nope. Nope! Nope, nope, nope! They keep looking around, disguised as demons to avoid detection but no luck at all, and time is passing quickly.

Then they get a break. The birds! The birds the two like to hunt. If they’d be hunting the birds, it’d be in a nice, big, wide-open place. But they need to be careful...this is home to a wild demon. A big, huge large one...with really lousy CGI, for the record.

Their first day has not gone well. They have to set up camp for the night. Four days left...

Norman and his gang are gathering up the potion as our heroes keep searching. Norman seems...preoccupied...

Our heroes are determined to find Mujika and Sonju. Without the evil blood, they can’t fix anything...but they’re quickly running out of time. Only two days left now!

Our gang is at the very last spot. There’s a lot of wild demons here, so they need to be careful, but...this is the last spot they have left to check. Their last hope. And...

They’ve found horse hoof prints! Could it be them?

Norman, meanwhile, is thinking about how kind Emma and Ray are. He’s determined not to waver. He WILL save all the kids in the farms. If he has to be God OR the Devil...he’ll become it...

And now...it’s gotten dark. Our gang is in deep trouble. A wild demon has found them! They have to attack, using their bows and arrows. Emma decides she’ll draw them off...

As Sonju and Mujika find the necklace Emma drops in her haste! They have to go rescue her. Ray pops out of nowhere, letting an arrow fly, and...THA-SHUDDA! Right in the eye! Center of the head! He deeeeead! That was, admittedly, a real nice moment. But...

Oh shit, it’s NOT dead. In its final throes its maw reaches out to engulf her and then...

SHA-SCHLIIISCH! OFF WITH YOUR HEEEAAAAD! Sonju slices its head off. Mujika and Sonju have found them! They ask what happened, and Emma begins to explain what’s going on...or rather, they’re ABOUT to when--

KA-BOOOOOOOOM! A distinct, loud explosion.

Uh oh. Norman decided to start a bit early. The town is being attacked. Explosions rocket through the town and the demons begin breathing in the gas...and those that do become monstrous, attacking even their family.

The experiment appears to be a rousing success. It’s a horrifying scene, admittedly. It looks disgusting. People are burning left and right as Norman and his gang nonchalantly make their way into town to just...watch it burn. It’s one of the only moments where things actually look really, really good...it’s creepy, atmospheric and horrifying to behold.

The good news is that Mujika and Sonju just agree to start running.

Meanwhile at the town, the nice grandpa demon that Emma had met in the temple has arrived back at town and found it on fire! And who knows where his granddaughter and family are? And then...

We find out his granddaughter’s name...right when Norman has a big-ass knife and is about to run the girl through the back.

Emma. Her name’s Emma.

...yeeeaaaah. They did the Superman and Batman “OMG OUR MOMMAS GOT THE SAME NAMES” thing. A blatant attempt to try and get Norman to empathize with the demons by showing familial love of demons right in front of him and with the girl having the very same name as the one he so dearly cares for. And then unfortunately it gets bad. They see Norman. They realize he’s a human. And unfortunately...then the gas hits them.

The granddaughter begins mutating...the grandfather isn’t.

Norman realizes...holy fucking shit. The guy has “the evil blood”. So he tries to stab the guy and...what comes out is red blood. “Emma...drink this blood and run.” Grandpa Demon insists. He has her drink from his hand, Norman looking at his blood-stained hands. Red blood.

Emma the demon is now crying uncontrollably as her grandpa tries to comfort her. “Even if I die. I want you to at least live.” “No! Grandpa! I want you to live with me!”

Norman is now feeling tears springing to his eyes. He looks around and is seeing the horror being unleashed. Children are screaming for their parents to stop eating people...themselves included. Some brave demon souls are desperately trying to keep the mutated from attacking families. “Why am I wavering?” Norman wonders aloud. “I knew this from the very beginning...there’s no other way...”

Especially not with the time he has left...

Norman can’t bring himself to bring the knife down and then he hears...

“NORMAN!”

He turns around...

And there Emma and Ray are...

And they see him. As he ACTUALLY is. A scared, horrified child with a knife in his hands.

“This time...I’m not letting you go alone!” Emma says.

And...the episode ends.

Well...gee. You know...this was probably one fo the best episodes because of the stuff with the town, but thinking about ALL this season sacrificed to get there...

It’s just like...it’s like being served, instead of the meal you ordered, a different meal completely that tastes fine...but you didn’t order it or ask for it. You wanted a steak. Not chicken. Sure the chicken is delicious but...you did specifically want a steak and EXPECT a steak. Not a chicken, no matter how tasty it is.

#the promised neverland #promised neverland #season 2 #episode 8 #spoilers #Norman #Emma #Ray

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common-blackbird · 4 years

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The Poppy War thoughts

Eversince i’ve played dragon age, i wanted more of fantasy (and just couldn’t finish stolen throne... i just... i’m struggling) so i read the poppy war bc i saw some good reviews about it.

The only thing i knew about the book was that it has a strong anti-war message and it is based on opium wars & chinese mythology. (it has actually elements of any events of history of china combined).

Having binged it in 3 days, my thoughts are scattered, so if you’re reading this: i’m sorry. Everything i say is personal opinion that is open to changes bc this book really did hook me and despite my criticisms, it is good enough to read the sequels so overall i can already say that i really like it.

the shortest version of my thoughts on the book is that it has a good theme with a solid execution, but the characters leave me wanting.

THE PROS

Just like any anti-war themed story, this one has a lot of war in it. But instead of going full-on “war is bad”, the characters here are trained for it and while not explicitly want it, they do not condone it. In fact, the only one who is supposed to frown at the senselessness of the war is the reader themselves with some warnings from 2 characters that serve as a call of moral conscience. But it doesn’t start with the war at all. It starts with an underdog characters making her way up through ranks by her willpower. While she’s exceptionally smart, that doesn’t make her special, and she faces a fair share of failures. She gets into a prestige academy made for training generals and such, but gets pulled into mystical world of shamanism, walking a thin line between godlike powers and madness as well as controlled use of and addiction to opium. Once we discover the gods, the plot turns to war and the main character is a part of it. And this is where the interesting theme comes in as well as world-building.

There are three main powers at play + one that doesn’t directly appear in the story: the Nikara empire (imagine china), The Mugen Federation (imagine imperial Japan) and the Island of Speer (the warrior people that got enslaved by nikara empire).

From the start there’s mention of genocide of speerling people and the question of why that happened. There are three culprits: the Mugen Federation that commited the genocide; the Nikara Empire that sacrificed and let the Island of Speer fall under the hands of the mugen, so that the westerners would get involved; the Speerling queen that many years ago allowed the Speer island fall under Nikara and get enslaved which, at the very end, resulted in this tragedy.

And while at first it really seems a simple answer of innocence of the Speerling, the doubt is created by the lore: there are gods at play, and the speerling worship one of the most violent gods of all: the god of rage and vengance and fire. A lot of times, the plot suggests that the genocide is the final result of the greediness of gods and the lines between right and wrong become very blurred.

The main question this book posed was: would you, as a leader of your people, take responsibilty and act in the interests of your people and unleash the terrible power that would create hell on earth, or would you, as a human with an access to terrible power, act morally and sacrifice your own people to the most awful suffering imaginable to prevent the hell on earth?

There is no right choice: you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

This is what keeps you going throughout this book. What will the choice be? There are plenty of hints at what is the right choice, and you’re just watching a disaster in the making, which is pretty enjoyable and incredibly frustrating.

Also, there is a gore scene that is so well written that it makes you sick to your stomach. You can’t believe people are capable of that. And yet they are.

Another thing that i didn’t expect but am not against is that, instead of humanizing the enemy, you get one, maybe two hints that the enemy is just a human being. But in general, the enemy is so abstract you feel nothing for them and they commit such atrocities you really don’t want to feel anything for them. It gives a sense of false security in the protagonist’s higher moral ground and makes their choices all the more harder.

The plot moves at a very fast pace which makes the book addicting. the flow of time is quick, there’s no rest, things are happening one after another, you start forgetting you started with the school setting bc you’ve ended up with sieges, massacres, imprisonments and godly realms.

Speaking of godly realms, they are interesting, though scarce, but the way they influence the mortal realm makes you believe in the cruelty and the danger of gods, regardless of what they are. Combination of accessing godly powers with opium was a great choice bc shamaism is often discarded as simply being high. The use of opium in the story was amazing: it is a drug, it is an blessing, it is an instrument, it is a torture device. The gods are deeply intertwined with disasters, and the question of power and suffering gets into frontline because them. It’s mystic, mysterious and hooks you up.

THE CONS: The characters. the characters aren’t much fleshed out and are lacking dynamics between each other, and the main character lacks credibility of her choices.

The main character is a war orphan who hated her foster family as much as they hated her and she made her way to prestige academy. there are 4 important people that become important for her during the book that she meets in the academy: the eccentric teacher, the famous perfect student that is the last of the speerling race, her nemesis and rival rich guy and her very smart friend.

Everyone else is pretty much a plot device. The problem is that, while the main character is interesting in the part of the book where she’s learning and making her way in the academy, she becomes uninteresting when the war starts. In academy she fails a lot, she needs to fight for herself and find alternative ways when everyone is against her. She’s so active. She starts learning bizzare things and is entering the realm of gods that is extremely challenging for her practical mindset. It is so satisfying to read. But once that is over, she becomes a pretty much passive character that observes what is happening around her and rarely does anything of significance until the very end. What really bugged me was that (SPOILER:) She is said to be another speerling, and at one point that is still only a possibility that everyone believes, but does not need to be true, especially since no one made the connection at all, and she herself doesn’t have any connection to the culture, but in the end she becomes radically invested in it for no apparent reason. Her reccuring theme in the beginning is that she doesn’t belong anywhere, but that is, after a while, just discarded theme, bc suddenly, with no apparent reason, she’s all in for a culture she doesn’t know much about.

Her choices would have made more sense if her questioning and regrets were slowly waning as the story progresses. this is about having no choice. This is about bitterness creeping upon you until you see there’s no other answer but the wrong choice. But turns out, she just suddenly feels angry, suddenly feels regret, but suddenly she doesn’t care, but suddenly she does, and that is a recurring cycle. It would have and does make sense for one other character, who in fact did go through a lifetime of suffering and is simply so bitter that everything he does he does out of desperation and spite without making you lose your trust in his humanity. It’s a tragic story. The main character? The amount of empathy she has, second thoughts before she chooses, it just doesn’t make sense that she chooses the same thing over and over. Especially with everything she’s seen. But whatevs. That was my biggest issues. Even knowing she’s going to always make the wrong choice, it could have been more satisfying. It’s obviously intended to make her gradually enraged, but she’s so much in her spectator role, there is no feeling of actual rage from her.

Another thing that makes it inconvincing is that i experience no real loss from her. She had nothing to lose. The first person she’s supposed to lose was the nemesis rich guy whom she regretted that they weren’t friends bc they really function good. Turns out he has a fake death - is actually alive, and not so wounded bc of mysterious reasons. Then he dies again (which will inevitably result in another fake death bc the explanation for the first fake death was left hanging), and her belief in his certain death made her rage turn towards, not the enemy, but her own comander/perfect student genocide survivor, who decided to rather save an enemy soldier for questioning than let her save her comrade.

Then there was the massacre scene where she could have lost her dearest academy genius friend, but it turned out he was a survivor, so again, lot of traumatic scenes for her, but she still lost only the nemesis guy.

Lastly, she loses her commander/perfect student genocide survivor, whom she most of the time didn’t agree with, but did come to empathize with him bc his story is so tragic, he wants to die. He dies a meaningful death for himself, destroying his own enemy, and that is what hits her the most. Probably bc she felt they were kin by then.

Lastly, her relationship with her teacher is just a moral compass of what she should do, but it’s the only convincing character dynamic that makes her chose wrong, bc she can’t understand him and he’s really bad at explaining things.

OTHER POINTS

the writing style... i like how it’s ambiguous: no clear descriptions, fast pacing, cut-to-the-chase dialogues. On the other hand, there are so many little things that irk me. Most of all is that many times things are mentioned and then explained. like, somebody says an unexpected thing in a dialogue and then the narrative shortly explains the change of stance.

To make an example, there’s plenty of description of what happened after the bad choice, but not once there’s description of what it felt like when what she was warned about happened to her. that happens only after it’s mention in a dialogue. A banal thougth out example: the god tells protagonist she will burn endlessly. Shit happens. We see the world. She meets comrades. She gets judged for her actions. She’s a little sad, a little angry, a little relieved. Then she’s chatting with a guy and he asks her why she needs drugs so much. She answers that needs to rest. And then the narrative starts that ooooh, the god never left her and keeps screaming in her head (even if we don’t see any consequences of her having a god in her head), that she’s constantly in pain and can’t stop burning (even though we are reading from her POV and see nothing that indicates that). I know i should just gloss over it, but i’m so.. needlessly critical, ignore me.

(also there’s a supposed rivalry between her and the guy who’s helping her for the good graces of the commander/perfect student genocide survivor, even though at the time she’s angry at the commander and the book ends with her and the helping guy making a pact and setting aside the supposed rivalry bc the commander is dead. What did i miss. Where was this rivalry? Why does it end with that???)

ALL IN ALL

it’s a compelling story that lacks a lot in some prospects, but the main theme really gets you going. There is bloodspilling, no actual romance, gore, not-very-convincing friendships, monstrous enemies who are wronged, moraly grey protagonists, grim outcomes and fast pace.

#i started reading new books finally #bear with me #or skip this #either way it's just my ranting #the poppy war #if you're fan don't be angry #if you read this you're a hero and i'm sorry

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demonologist-in-denim · 4 years

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TV Tropes and Crowley

There are plenty of narrative and character development tropes which could be ascribed to Crowley, especially after the cure-than-wasn’t at the end of the eight season of Supernatural.

During the final hours of the cure, with his soul on the verge of mending and his humanity being restored, Crowley experiences a Personal Horror (a trope in which a character is forced to see the horror of themselves and suffers from an alienation of self). His speech about deserving to be loved is its own variant on the Villainous Black Screen of Death (the heroes force a conscience on the villain and he suffers from the sudden overload of emotion and imposed morality). Though Crowley’s Oh God, What Have I Done (realizing the extent of the damage done) moment happens in between scenes, there is no doubt that it occurs, considering his questions to Sam about seeking forgiveness.

He might have had something resembling a Heel Realization (in which a character realizes they are a villain). Before the cure, Crowley was Neutral Evil (evil that serves only their own self-interests), and wasn’t interested in moral labels or concepts, only his own survival and advancement. The shock of the cure and sudden empathy – which requires some sense of the common good and thus morality – might have therefore led him to a version of a Heel Realization. It certainly resulted in Tears of Remorse in the form of a patented Winchester Single Man-Tear.

After the cure, Crowley was never again a typical Villain (surely no explanation needed), but rather found a balance between being an Anti-Villain (a character whose end goals are good – saving the world – but whose methods are monstrous or a character who is ultimately selfish, but will still do the right thing from time to time) and a Noble Demon (a villain who is noble, possesses a code of honor, fears being perceived as having “gone soft,” will save the hero from time to time, but still does monstrous things for their own ends).

It is increasingly obvious in the later seasons that Crowley no longer relishes his role as King of Hell, in the acquisition and torture of souls, or even in being a demon. He becomes a Tragic Villain (a villain that is aware that they are evil, but does not take – or no longer takes – pleasure in their evil deeds, even resenting being forced into the role of the villain). Damned to a hell of his own making by his past misdeeds and blood-born conscience, Crowley is also Trapped in Villainy (in which a reformed villain is unable to break away from the darkness due to external forces) out of fear that all of Hell will come after him should he abdicate. He also fears the loss of his amassed demonic power through Redemption Demotion (the lessening of the reformed villain’s powers to avoid ousting the heroes.)

Crowley suppressed his growing desire for human connection and redemption by considering himself beyond saving, declaring in his own way I’ve Come Too Far for there to be a way out of the dark. He may have felt this way both in that he was Beyond Redemption (where the hero – hello, Winchesters – declared the villain not worth saving), and succumbed to Sunk Cost Fallacy, believing that having damned himself and amassed all this power, he might as well use it for some semblance of good by keeping the demons in line and the world from ending - or else it’s all been for nothing.

And he certainly made (discreet) attempts at playing the role of the Noble Demon. In Season 9, Even though Crowley had self-interested reasons for turning Dean into a demon (other than, you know, saving him from death), he still empathized with Dean’s exhibited self-hatred as a demon. Demon!Dean avoids his own What Have I Become? moment (a post-human panic when a character is made less than human by becoming a monster or supernatural being), but Crowley surely knew Dean was suffering in becoming the thing the Winchesters had always hated and hunted. Saving Castiel in Season 9, attempting to stop Ramiel, hunting the Hellhound with the boys, fighting Lucifer – over and over throughout the later seasons, Crowley proved himself when there was A Friend In Need (in this case, the anti-villain or noble demon helps the hero, even though it might cost them).

Crowley’s relationship with his mother, Rowena, was understandably fraught with tension and complicated emotions. Had she not been so manipulative and self-serving in the beginning, it might have been a case of Even Bad Men Love Their Mamas (villains having a soft spot for their mothers), considering how desperate Crowley was for human connection and affection. Rowena’s abusive ways instead resulted in a Villainous Mother-Son Duo (a villainous mother uses her son as a pawn to further her own ambitions, is often verbally abusive, and the son often plots his mother’s demise).

What Crowley ultimately develops with the Winchesters and their angel is the relationship of True Companions (a found family of characters that may not like each other initially, but come to rely upon each other, with a bond deeper than friendship but not necessarily romantic). Teeth-Clenched Teamwork (enemies or former enemies being forced to team up for a common goal) eventually gave way to a Fire-Forged Friendship (enemies or strangers becoming fast friends through a shared experience of strife), particularly with Dean. By the end of Season 12, Crowley was on the verge of becoming One Of The Boys.

At the core of Crowley’s struggle was the reality that Hope is Scary (a character’s emotional numbness dissolves, allowing hope to be restored, but with it, the fear of loss and pain). What Crowley wanted – human connection, emotional depth, a fulfilling purpose – were all possibilities. Perhaps he could have made amends. Perhaps the Winchesters would have accepted him as one of them, given Crowley their trust and friendship. Perhaps he didn’t have to be a monster any longer. He could strive to be a better version of himself. But there was also the very real possibility that he would be rejected by the Winchesters, that he couldn’t become that better version. Crowley feared he might attempt redemption, only to realize he would never be worthy of it.

His fear of never being worthy or forgiven were confirmed by Sam’s Heel-Face Door-Slam (the villain attempts or openly desires redemption, only to be brutally rejected by the hero) in Season 10. In the face of this rejection, Crowley chose Then Let Me Be Evil (after being ascribed the label of evil by the hero, a character defiantly embraces that fate). And that might have been the end of Crowley’s road to redemption.

Instead, Crowley became the Friendly Enemy (a villain who shares significant emotional experiences with a hero, forming a lasting and profound connection that surpasses their initial hostilities). Crowley and the Winchesters often employed Enemy Mine (previous enemies or lesser rivals join forces against a greater threat) as a rational for this arrangement, and Crowley often got the shaft as The Friend Nobody Likes (just what it says; Crowley falls into the “Care” subset of this trope). Crowley’s continued involvement with the Winchesters could have be due to a Villainous Crush (a villain has secret romantic feelings for a hero). He hid his growing admiration and affection for the Winchesters and their angel through Insults of Endearment (Moose and Squirrel, respectively), and was unequivocally on the verge of a Face Realization (a character realizes they are no longer the villain they had been) and committing to a full Heel-Face Turn (a former villain openly joining the heroes).

So why didn’t that happen for Crowley? Because for some characters, Redemption Equals Death (redemption comes at the cost of one’s life). To make amends for his actions, save the world, spit in the eye of Lucifer, and finally earn the respect of the Winchesters, Crowley sacrificed himself at the end of Season 12. In an unusual pairing, Redemption Equals Death for Crowley was also paired with Death Equals Redemption (a character’s death redeems them in the eyes of other characters), in that the Winchesters spoke well of Crowley after his death, even including him in a prayer for restoration.

Crowley’s death was characterized by the Villain’s Dying Grace (a dying villain choses to commit a final good act, often saving the hero or the world), in that he died believing he was saving the world, protecting the Winchesters, sealing the rift, and locking Lucifer away forever in an apocalyptical alternative universe. He Faced Death With Dignity (a character takes control over their own death, faces it with dignity, and gives meaning to their final moments), even offering the Winchesters and Lucifer a final Dying Smirk (proving to have the upper hand even in dying) – even when I lose, I win.

Redemption Equals Death is a lousy trope. And lazy writing. Actual redemption is a long, hard road that involves emotionally difficult work, repairing relationships, shifting personal values, making amends. Living with what one has done, and attempting to be a better version of one’s self, is much more difficult – and much more fulfilling – than making a grand gesture and then escaping into death. Supernatural surely had its reasons for Crowley’s character arch culminating in Redemption Equals Death – Seasons 14 and 15 could be used to make the argument that Chuck was already having a hard time with Castiel being one of the boys, and didn’t want to add Crowley to the Band of Brothers (a group of people dedicated to each other before all other considerations). Death, however, wasn’t the only option for this reformed Villain.

Working with the Winchesters to close the Gates of Hell and join Team Free Will on a more open, permanent basis, Crowley could have transitioned from a Friendly Enemy into the Token Evil Teammate (serves as an amoral balance to the heroes, willing to perform unpleasant-if-practical tasks to save the world, and often employs snarkiness). In saving souls rather than damning them, and through the Power of Friendship (having friends makes you stronger than you are alone), Crowley might have discovered that being Good Feels Good (acting morally has its own emotional and social benefits). And he could have actively prevented the Winchesters from falling further into the trap of He Who Fights Monsters (a hero becoming the monster they seek to destroy through close association or behavior). Given his massive reserves of influence, expertise, finances and resources, Crowley most likely would have received a Redemption Promotion (an ineffectual villain discovers they are an extremely effective hero), earning his place among the Winchester’s Band of Brothers and reinforcing Good Feels Good.

That’s not to say that it would have been easy, or without complications. There would certainly have been some cases of Reformed, But Rejected (heroes refuse to believe the sincerity of a villain’s redemption arc). There may have been a case of the Enemy Within (a hero carries evil within themselves, which can rise up to control or influence them), as Crowley’s demonic nature clashed with his developing humanity. He might have worried about reverting to his more demonic self, and given Dean instructions to end him before that happens, as he would be better off Dying As Yourself (a final moment of control or being the good self before the corruption or evil takes over) - which Dean would gruffly refuse with Don’t Say Such Stupid Things (harsh reassurance of worth and affection). Crowley might have perceived his increasing humanity, and potentially the necessity of completing the cure, as Redemption Equals Affliction (villain is redeemed but suffers a meaningful loss to earn that redemption). After all, every one of the Winchester’s Band of Brothers suffer from some emotional anguish. In the end, it wouldn’t have mattered if Crowley became human or stayed a demon, so long as he was family, receiving the time-honored You Are Better Than You Think You Are (reassurance from other characters that one is good and making a significant attempt to be or remain good) from his True Companions - preferably in a Winchester-esque Chick Flick Moment.

As One of the Boys, Crowley could have been a gruff, snarky Atoner (a reformed Villain on a path of redemption, motivated by guilt and the desire to make the world – and themselves – better, and to utilize their powers and resources for good), combined with The Snark Knight (the world-weary, embittered, overly-intelligent and anti-social hero). Crowley may have chosen the path of the Ascended Demon (a reformed demon seeking the restoration of humanity) in obtaining the full restoration of his soul or his human nature. As an Ascended Demon (I prefer the term “risen” for Supernatural, to counterbalance angels “falling”), Crowley might even have decided to hunt down and kill – or cure – other demons. Regardless of how Crowley himself would have eventually come to define his own redemption and his place among the Winchesters, he would have stumbled headlong into being counted among The Fettered (those that believe in and serve a certain set of ideals or a moral code), committed to The Family Business of saving people and hunting things – if on his own terms and with the requisite amount of snark.

#crowley #tv tropes #crowley deserved better #dispatches from the crossroads #happy Sulphur Saturday

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everlastingcaptainswan · 6 years

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A Pinch of Magic, A Twist of Fate, and A Full Moon (4/?) Witch/Werewolf AU

Summary: It has long been told that Emma would be the Savior to save the witches from Rumplestiltskin, the infamous witch hunter. In an unsuspected attack Rumplestiltskin catches Emma off guard and an unknown ally saves her from a certain death and suddenly she feels obligated to do the same for the stranger.

Ao3 FF

This is my contribution to the Captain Swan Supernatural Summer! @cssns @kmomof4

The lovely artwork is thanks to @shady-swan-jones

Chapter 4: Plans and Assets

Supper is a loud, noisy meal simply because of the number of people at the dining room table. Elsa engages herself in a conversation with Ruby and Anna in an attempt to avoid Liam. Robin keeps shooting Regina longing looks when he thinks no one is watching him. Killian unabashedly keeps glancing at Emma whenever she isn’t glancing at him. Roland and Henry are getting along well, talking too loud then what is appropriate, but no one feels the need to quiet them. Snow and David are quietly talking amongst themselves.

The sun goes down and the children start to get sleepy with Roland almost falling asleep at the table. Emma shares a look with Robin, who scoops Roland into his arms. Emma gets Henry’s attention.

“Come on, kid. It’s past your bedtime,” Emma tells him.

“Five more minutes,” Henry attempts to say through a yawn.

“I don’t think so, you can barely keep your eyes open. Let’s go,” she orders him. Despite his grumbles he follows his mother out of the dining room. Emma helps him get ready for bed and seeing how well the boys get along, Robin and her decide they should share a room. Once the boys are tucked in they leave them to join the others in the meeting.

“With the prophecy and all do you guys have a plan?” Liam asks when all of them have a seat at the table.

“Not exact details, but we need to corner him and disable him. We haven’t made any moves because the first part of the prophecy only came to pass a month ago,” David tells them. The pack waits patiently for someone to explain.

“The prophecy stated I wouldn’t defeat the dark one until I was twenty-eight, which I turned a month ago. We’ve been planning for sometime now. We have squid ink to immobilize him and then I come in to end him. What we lack is ever knowing where he is or having a sufficient enough distraction,” Emma tells them.

“We could set a trap and lure him out,” Robin suggests, looking around the table.

“We decided against that because we want to catch him unaware,” Regina says.

“If you set up a trap you can control the situation. He seems blood thirsty enough to be fooled into any trap you set,” Killian tells them.

“What did you have in mind exactly?” Snow asks him, pointedly.

“It would be helpful to know all of your abilities exactly. In order to know what kind of trap we can set,” Killian says looking at each of them.

“I’ll start, I’m an empath, I can sense someone’s emotions. I can’t imagine I’ll be much use to you,” Anna shrugs.

“Not so sure about that, can you control emotions of a person?” Liam asks.

“Well yes I can do that. Although it is frowned upon to do so,” she nods. Liam nods exchanging a look with Killian.

“It’s easier to show you what I can do,” Elsa says. She simply raises her hand and faces her palm toward the ceiling, snowflakes start falling from it. When the pack doesn’t look impressed Elsa creates a shard of ice and throws it just to the left of Liam’s head straight into the wall. Ruby laughs at Liam’s shocked expression.

“Oh yeah, we can use that,” Ruby chuckles. Regina creates a fireball and Robin’s eyes widen.

“I won’t throw this it will be a little too destructive,” Regina says with a smirk, “Emma and I can also transport ourselves from one location to the next.”

“Interesting and we can definitely use that,” Killian says. Snow sweeps her hand from left to right, brings forth a wine bottle and enough glasses for them.

“I have healing abilities as well. Should this turn ugly as we think it will,” Snow says, using her abilities to pour them all a glass of wine.

“I have a natural ability with animals, it’s how we’ve been so lucky with getting food even in the dead of winter. Other than that I’m rather good at hand to hand combat,” David tells the group. The pack nods. Emma emits some of her white light.

“Looks pretty, but it can hurt when I want it to,” Emma says, the light dissipating.

“You know what to do when you confront him?” Liam asks her.

“I know exactly what to do. Don’t worry about me,” she tells them. A somber tone falls over the room. Killian’s gaze is glued to Emma. He knows she’s holding something back, but doesn’t know what it is. Regina looks to Liam.

“You know what we can do now, so what’s your plan?” she asks him.

“We’ll need to scout an ideal location, somewhere away from any unsuspecting people,” Liam answers her.

“We still need a good distraction, something to draw him out,” Ruby comments.

“I think that should be something to ponder on for tonight. It’s been a long day and we still have a lot of work to do. We all need a good night’s sleep,” Snow declares standing up, her husband grasps her hand. They all agree with the exhaustion weighing on them. Snow leaves and David follows behind her. Regina looks like she wants to say something, but she shakes her head, leaving as well. Emma finishes her glass of wine in one swift motion, wishing it was something stronger.

“Did we miss something?” Killian asks looking at the cousins remaining at the table.

“We have devoted so much of our lives to this fight and to have it be so close to the end well it’s difficult for everyone to process,” Elsa comments.

“Not to mention the moral implications,” Anna contributes.

“Good thing you won’t be killing him then,” Emma snaps, irritated by Anna’s innocence.

“Emma, you have light magic that’s meant for good. How is what we’re doing good?” Anna asks her, getting upset.

“You don’t think this is worth it? Don’t you want to go home? Aren’t you tired of living on the run? Aren’t you tired of him murdering us out of some misguided vengeance? We are getting rid of a great evil, what isn’t good about that?” Emma says getting angry, her hands starting to glow. The pack realizes what an important fight this is for everyone in this house, what they have all sacrificed to be here.

“Emma,” Elsa says looking at her cousin’s hands. Emma curses before shaking out her hands, the glowing stops.

“I make no apologies for what has to be done,” Emma says before leaving the room. Anna looks to Elsa.

“I’m going to bed, good night,” she tells the room before leaving. Elsa looks as if she doesn’t know what to do anymore.

“I’m sorry you all had to see that, tensions have been running high lately,” Elsa tells the room, cleaning up the glasses that everyone left behind.

“No worries, these things happen. Especially within families,” Liam says, jumping to help Elsa collect the glasses and follows her out of the room.

“Anyone have the feeling what we jumped into is much larger than what we thought it was,” Ruby muses out loud.

“Definitely, but that’s what makes it interesting,” Robin says with a smirk. Killian nods and tells them goodnight. He wants to find Emma, he knows she’s upset. While searching the rooms on the ground floor of the house Killian spots Emma in the garden looking over forest. He makes his way outside to stand next to her.

“Are you alright, love?” he asks her, wanting to reach out to touch her, but he stops himself.

“Anna has morality issues with this and it’s hard for her to accept that,” Emma says, not looking at him.

“I gathered as much, but I asked about you,” he says pointedly.

“I’m fine. I’ve prepared myself for this for a long time,” she says finally looking at him, with something akin to sadness in her eyes.

“Well, if you ever need to talk about it. I’m here,” he tells her. He’s not entirely sure why, but that pull he feels when she’s around is undeniable.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she says a smile on her face.

“Ah that’s much better,” he says and she raises an eyebrow.

“What is?” she asks, curious.

“Your smile, much better than the frown that was masking your face,” he tells her. He desperately wants to reach out, place a hand on her cheek, and pull her in for a kiss. He stops himself, now isn’t the time for that.

She can’t stop thinking about him and his stupid lips. How soft and supple they look. How she wants them on hers so desperately. She never felt like this with Neal, not even once. She’s fighting so hard to deny this attraction, but in this moment she wants him.

“You don’t know me all that well how can you say that?” she says shaking her head.

“I don’t have to know you well to see you look much more beautiful with a smile,” he tells her.

“You seem like quite the charmer, I bet you say that to all the women you meet,” she says with a smirk.

“Ah yes all the many women I meet as a wolf in the forest,” he teases her. The moonlight shining down on them, providing dim lighting in the garden.

“You never know who you’ll find in the forest,” she smiles at him.

“You never do. I feel quite lucky to have met you,” he tells her his hand brushing hers.

“It does feel quite fortunate, something about fate and all that,” she says, blushing. He can no longer help it and his hand brushes her cheek. She closes her eyes and leans into his touch. He brings her closer until his lips brush against hers. Once then twice. She surges forward and captures his lips with hers. Gods he’s never had a kiss like this. He imagined kissing her all day, but this is something else. Emma’s hands grasp the lapels of his jacket. One of his hands tangles in her hair.

My god Emma has never had a kiss like this. A kiss full of passion and longing. She never knew a kiss could feel this good. She knows she should distance herself away from him, but my god kissing him shouldn’t feel as good as this. She’s entirely selfish in this moment. She wants this and him, even though it’s not fair to him at all.

When they pull apart and come up for air and rest their foreheads on each other. Emma realizes what a huge mistake she has made. She can’t kiss him. She can’t lead him on like this. He should kiss women who aren’t fated to die at the hands of the great evil.

“That was…” he says trailing off. She pulls away from him, shaking her head.

“I can’t, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have..” she says backing away.

“Emma?” he says confused. He knows she felt what he did. If she didn’t she would’ve stopped the kiss. She would’ve said something or shouted at him. She’s running because she’s scared.

“I can’t. Please wait five minutes until you go back inside the house,” she says all the while continuing to back up.

“As you wish,” he says briskly, he can’t stop her from running. No matter how badly he wants to. Emma turns around and runs into the house. She definitely shouldn’t have kissed him. That was a huge mistake. How could she do that to someone who wasn’t born into this hellish mess? Emma barrels into a room she’s sharing with Elsa and Anna. Elsa looks up from her bed and Anna does too.

“Are you okay?” Elsa asks. Emma just shakes her head.

“Nope, I’m definitely not,” Emma says her hand shaking as she runs it through her hair.

“I can feel the guilt and regret rolling off you. You want to talk about it?” Anna asks her. Emma shakes her head.

“Not yet,” she mumbles. The sisters nod, they’re used to waiting for Emma to open up to them. They’ve learned not to push her.

“We’re here when you’re ready,” Elsa tells her as Emma gets ready for bed. Emma just nods not knowing what to say. How to explain her terrible actions. She wouldn’t drag a good man down with her. It took awhile, but Emma eventually faded into sleep.

In the morning thankfully Henry is quite attached to her and requires a lot of her attention. She’s so distracted she misses how Killian is still gazing longing at Emma. How he’s not mad, just confused as to what went wrong. Liam and Elsa keep looking at each other then hurriedly looking away when they catch each other’s gaze. Robin gazing at Regina when he knows she’s not looking. Regina who is making a show of not looking at Robin.

“Is it me or do we have a bunch of love sick fools in here?” Snow says to David, who looks shocked by this.

“Who are you talking about?” he asks looking around the room.

“Oh you can be so dense sometimes,” Snow sighs, “When you see it you’ll know.” David looks confused, but glances around the table.

After breakfast Anna volunteers to distract the kids for the day, saying she’ll support any plan they come up with. That’s when things get hard for Emma because then she notices how Killian is looking at her and it breaks her heart. He’s not mad or angry, he’s still gazing at her like he always has with maybe a tinge of sadness.

“I’ve been thinking about the distraction and I think it should be me,” Regina tells the room.

“Why you?” Robin asks, curious.

“The Dark One and I have a little history. He knew my mother, he killed her. He would be able to trace my magic if we left a convincing trail,” Regina says.

“He can trace magic?” Ruby asks looking around.

“Why do you think we walked here? We could transport from place to place, but that’s how he tracked us at first. He came so close getting us a few times,” Snow tells them.

“When do we want to set this trap?” Emma asks the room, changing the subject.

“It should be the day of the full moon. We will be at our strongest and the most helpful to you then,” Killian answers her question forcing her to look at him finally. He’s more hurt then he cares to admit. Most of all curious as to what happened last night. What caused the change in Emma. It’s not hard to see she’s an strong, powerful, and beautiful women, but he doubts she sees that in herself. He wants to talk, but she’s avoiding his gaze.

“When is the full moon?” Emma asks him, trying to not let his gaze get to her. She knows there are things unsaid between them. There are questions he’s dying to ask her and she doesn’t want to give him the answers. He’s better off without her in his life. He’s better off with her at a distance.

“Two weeks,” he tells her. She finally breaks his gaze to look at Regina.

“Will that be enough time to set up a convincing trail?” she asks Regina.

“Yes, I’ll leave the week before. The trail will be small and hard to follow. He’ll need to believe that he was the only one who could pick up on it,” Regina says.

“So we have a week to scout out a good location to have this fight,” Liam says and David nods.

“We’ll start today then,” Killian says and Liam agrees. The meeting breaks up, the wolves shifting in the yard before they set off. Killian walks out the room without as much as a goodbye. Maybe he’s finally upset with Emma, but that’s good it’s how it should be.

Regina heads to their library to do some more research. Emma glares out of the window in the parlor. Elsa strides up next to her.

“I know you’re not ready to talk about whatever happened, but I need to talk to you,” Elsa says quietly. Emma turns to her concerned.

“What’s wrong?” Emma asks, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I think you’re right. I think he’s my true love,” is all she says at first. Emma smirks.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Emma comments.

“Witches, we’re more intune with ourselves, with our bodies. We know when a change occurs, we can sense it. What if he doesn’t feel what I feel or he doesn’t know what it means?” Elsa asks quickly her panic causing snow to fall. Emma takes her hand and the snow stops.

“He may have not accepted it yet or he doesn’t know what it is. I doubt either one of those things changes how he feels about you. What caused this panic in you?” Emma asks skeptical.

“Nothing really. He helped me clean up last night and we were talking then at some point we started holding hands as he walked me to my room. He said he wanted to get to know me and kissed my hand before walking away. All rather tame I’m afraid,” she shrugs.

“It can’t be that tame if you’re panicking, what else happened?” Emma asked again, knowing her cousin was holding back. Elsa takes her time before answering.

“Something snapped into place or perhaps the pull between us was so strong, but all I know he’s the only one for me,” she tells Emma, who smiles.

“When you know you know. Men are usually the last to know when a woman wants them, so give him time to catch up,” She comforts Elsa. They look over the view that the house provides for a few minutes pondering everything happening in their lives.

“I’ve made a mistake,” Emma almost whispers.

“What?” Elsa asks, wondering if she heard her cousin correctly.

“I’ve made a mistake,” Emma repeats herself.

“What happened?” Elsa asks, calmly.

“I kissed Killian,” she says quietly.

“I knew I wasn’t the only one who was interested in a Jones brother. Why would-” Elsa’s train of thought stops and catches up to Emma’s, “Oh no, Emma. I’m so sorry.”

“It was impulsive and in the moment. I just got swept away. I feel like he sees me and understands me. It’s never been like that with anyone outside the coven. He does it with such ease. Elsa, the kiss… there is nothing that can compare,” Emma tells her tears in her eyes.

“They don’t know about your fate,” Elsa says, unsure. Emma shakes her head.

“I shouldn’t have kissed him. It was reckless. I can’t lead him on knowing that I’ll die. It wouldn’t be fair to him,” she whispers.

“Maybe he should get to decide. Maybe to him loving you would be worth it. They should know the truth anyway with this plan of ours,” she tells her cousin. Her words may not be what Emma wants to hear, but they are what she needs to hear. Emma wipes away the single tear the has fallen down her face.

“Thank you. I’ll have to think about it,” Emma nods. She makes sure she is presentable before going in to see Henry and Roland. She helps Anna out with their lesson for the day. Spending time with Henry is her greatest joy. She wants to create good moments with him because soon she’ll be gone and he will only have those moments to remember her by.

Thanks for reading!

#cs #cs au ff #cs au fic #captian swan #CSSNS #cs supernatural summer #cs su #cs mc #cs mc ff #emma swan #Witch!Emma #killian jones #WEREWOLF!KILLIAN

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blkking69 · 7 years

Text

A letter from the Narcissist.

Great read.

Dear Empath,

This is a gift and an eye-opener.

A letter from the Narcissist to their partner......

What I’m about to say is not something I’d ever say or admit (to you), because to do so would end the winner-takes-all-game that is my main source of pleasure in life — one that effectively keeps you carrying my load in our relationship.

And that’s the whole point.

When I say “I love you” I mean that I love how hard you work to make me feel like your everything, that I am the focus of your life, that you want me to be happy, and that I’ll never be expected to do the same.

I love the power I have to take advantage of your kindness and intentions to be nice, and the pleasure I derive when I make myself feel huge in comparison to you, taking every opportunity to make you feel small and insignificant.

I love the feeling it gives me thinking of you as weak, vulnerable, emotionally fluffy, and I love looking down on you for your childlike innocence and gullibility, as weakness.

I love the way I feel knowing that, through the use of gaslighting, what you want to discuss or address will never happen, and I love this “power” to train you to feel “crazy” for even asking or bringing up issues that don’t interest me, effectively, ever lowering your expectations of me and what I’m capable of giving you, while I up mine of you.

I love how easy it is to keep your sole focus on alleviating my pain (never yours!), and that, regardless what you do, you’ll never make me feel good enough, loved enough, respected enough, appreciated enough, and so on. (Misery loves company.)

(It’s not about the closeness, empathy, emotional connection you want, or what I did that hurt or embarrassed you, or how little time I spend engaged with you or the children, and so on. It’s about my status and doing my job to keep you in your place, in pain, focused on feeling my pain, blocking you from feeling valued in relation to me. I’m superior and entitled to all the pleasure, admiration, and comforting between us, remember?)

“I love you” means I love the way I feel when you are with me, more specifically, regarding you as a piece of property I own, my possession. Like driving a hot car, I love the extent to which you enhance my status in the eyes of others, letting them know that I’m top dog, and so on. I love thinking others are jealous of my possessions.

I love the power I have to keep you working hard to prove your love and devotion, wondering what else you need to do to “prove” your loyalty.

“I love you” means I love the way I feel when I’m with you. Due to how often I hate and look down on others in general, the mirror neurons in my brain keep me constantly experiencing feelings of self-loathing; thus, I love that I can love myself through you, and also love hating you for my “neediness” of having to rely on you or anyone for anything.

I love that you are there to blame whenever I feel this “neediness”; feeling scorn for you seems to protect me from something I hate to admit, that I feel totally dependent on you to “feed” my sense of superiority and entitlement, and to keep my illusion of power alive in my mind.

(Nothing makes me feel more fragile and vulnerable than not having control over something that would tarnish my image and superior status, such as when you question “how” I treat you, as if you still don’t understand that getting you to accept yourself as an object for my pleasure, happy regardless of how I treat you, or the children — is key proof of my superiority, to the world. You’re my possession, remember? It’s my job to teach you to hate and act calloused toward those “crazy” things that only “weak” people need, such as “closeness” and “emotional stuff;” and by the way, I know this “works” because my childhood taught me to do this to myself inside.)

It makes me light up with pleasure (more proof of my superiority) that I can easily get you flustered, make you act “crazy” over not getting what you want from me, make you repeat yourself, and say and do things that you’ll later hate yourself for (because of your “niceness”!). Everything you say, any hurts or complaints you share, you can be sure, I’ll taunt you with later, to keep you ever-spinning your wheels, ever trying to explain yourself, ever doubting yourself and confused, trying to figure out why I don’t “get” it.

(There’s nothing to get! To break the code, you’d have to look through my lens, not yours! It’s my job to show complete disinterest in your emotional needs, hurts, wants, and to train, dismiss and punish accordingly, until you learn your “lesson,” that is: To take your place as a voiceless object, a possession has no desire except to serve my pleasure and comfort, and never an opinion on how it’s treated!)

(That you can’t figure this out, after all the ways I’ve mistreated you, to me, is proof of my genetic superiority. In my playbook, those with superior genes are never kind, except to lure and snare their victims!)

I love that I can make you feel insecure at the drop of a hat, especially by giving attention to other women (perhaps also others in general, friends, family members, children, etc. … the list is endless). What power this gives me to put a display of what you don’t get from me, to taunt and make you beg for what I easily give to others, wondering why it’s so easy to give what you want to others, to express feelings or affection, to give compliments, that is, when it serves my pleasure (in this case, to watch you squirm).

I love the power I have to get you back whenever you threaten to leave, by throwing a few crumbs your way, and watching how quickly I can talk you into trusting me when I turn on the charm, deceiving you into thinking, this time, I’ll change.

“I love you” means I need you because, due to the self-loathing I carry inside, I need someone who won’t abandon me that I can use as a punching bag, to make myself feel good by making them feel bad about themselves. (This is how I pleasure myself, and the way I numb, deny the scary feelings I carry inside that I hope to never admit, ever. I hate any signs of weakness in me, which is why I hate you, and all the “nice” weaklings I view as inferior, stupid, feeble, and so on.)

“I love you” means that I love fixing and shaping your thoughts and beliefs, being in control of your mind, so that you think of me as your miracle and savior, a source of life and sustenance you depend on, and bouncing back to, like gravity, no matter how high you try to fly away or jump.

I love that this makes me feel like a god, to keep you so focused (obsessed…) with making me feel worshiped and adored, sacrificing everything for me to prove yourself so that I don’t condemn or disapprove of you, seeking to please none other, and inherently, with sole rights to administer rewards and punishments as I please.

I love how I can use my power to keep you down, doubting and second-guessing yourself, questioning your sanity, obsessed with explaining yourself to me (and others), professing your loyalty, wondering what’s wrong with you (instead of realizing that … you cannot make someone “happy” who derives their sense of power and pleasure from feeling scorn for the weaklings who let me take advantage of them … like you!).

“I love you” means I love the way I feel when I see myself through your admiring eyes, that you’re my feel-good drug, my dedicated audience, my biggest fan and admirer, and so on. Training you to look up to me, never question me, and bow down with pleasure to serve me as your never-erring, omniscient, omnipotent source of knowledge is my end-goal — my drug of choice.

(You may have noticed how touchy I am at any sign that you would question me; I hate how fragile I feel in such moments, worried that failing to train you in silent submission could tarnish my image in the world, something I care about more than anything else, even life itself!)

And I love that, no matter how hard you beg and plead for my love and admiration, to feel valued in return, it won’t happen, as long as I’m in control. Why would I let it, when I’m hooked on deriving pleasure from depriving you of anything that would make you feel worthwhile, be wind beneath your wings, risking you’d fly away from me? Besides, it gives me great pleasure to not give you what you yearn for, the tenderness you need and want, and to burst your every dream and bubble, then telling myself, “I’m no fool.”

I love that I can control your attempts to get “through” to me, by controlling your mind, in particular, by shifting the focus of any “discussion” onto what is wrong with you, your failure to appreciate and make me feel loved, good enough, etc. — and of course, reminding you of all I’ve done for you, and how ungrateful you are.

I love how skillfully I manipulate others’ opinions of you as well, getting them to side with me as the “good” guy, and side against you as the “bad” guy, portraying you as incapable of making me happy or manly — or as needy, never satisfied, always complaining, selfish and controlling, and the like.

I love how easy it is for me to say “No!” to what may give you credit, or increase your sense of value and significance in relation to me, with endless excuses; and that instead, I return your focus to my unfulfilled needs and wants, my discomforts or pain.

I love feeling that I own your thoughts, your ambitions, and ensuring the only wants and needs you focus on are ones that serve my pleasure and comfort.

I love being a drug of choice you “have to” have, regardless of how I mistreat you, despite all the signs that your addiction to me is draining the energy from your life, and that you are at risk of losing more and more of what you most value and hold dear, to include those you move love and love and support you in return.

I love that I can isolate you from others who may nourish you, and break the spell of thinking they ever loved you; I love making you mistrust them, so that you conclude no one else really wants to put up with you, but me.

I love that I can make you feel I’m doing you a favor by being with you and throwing a few crumbs your way. Like a vacuum, the emptiness inside me is in constant need of sucking the life and breath and vitality you, and your determination to be kind, brings to my life, which I crave like a drug that can never satisfy, that I fight to hoard, and hate the thought of sharing.

While I hate you and my addiction to your caring attention, my neediness keeps me craving to see myself through your caring eyes, ever ready to admire, adore, forgive, make excuses for me, and fall for my lies and traps. (I could never appreciate or value you for this, how could I? I hate myself for needing these caring, yet unmanly gestures, which disgust me.)

I love that you keep telling me how much I hurt you, not knowing that, to me, this is like a free marketing report. It lets me know how effective my tactics have been to keep you in pain, focused on alleviating my pain — so that I am ever the winner in this competition — ensuring that you never weaken (control) me with your love- and emotional-closeness stuff.

In short, when I say “I love you,” I love the power I have to remain a mystery that you’ll never solve because of what you do not know (and refuse to believe), that: the only one who can win this zero-sum-winner-takes-all game is the one who knows “the rules.” My sense of power rests on ensuring you never succeed at persuading me to join you in creating a mutually-kind relationship because, in my worldview, being vulnerable, emotionally expressive, kind, caring, empathetic, innocent are signs of weakness, proof of inferiority.

Thanks, but no thanks, I’m resolved to stay on my winner-takes-all ground, ever in competition for the prize, seeing you as my fiercest competitor, gloating in my narcissistic ability to be heartless, callous, cold, calculating … and proud, to ensure my neediness for a sense of superiority isn’t hampered.

Forever love-limiting,

Your narcissist...

#narcissist #narcissism #relationships

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dazzledbybooks · 4 years

Quote

The sun of the Chicome people has been destroyed six times. First by water, then by storm, fire, famine, sickness, and beasts. After each apocalypse, the creator goddess allowed one of her divine children to sacrifice themselves to save civilization. The gods paid their blood as the price for the lives of the people, and the people owed them blood in return.Mayana is a noble descendant of the water goddess and can control water whenever her blood is spilled. She has always despised the brutal rituals of her people — especially sacrifices. She can’t even make it through a routine animal sacrifice without embarrassing her family. Prince Ahkin has always known he would be emperor, but he didn’t expect his father to die so suddenly. Now he must raise the sun in the sky each day and read the signs in the stars. But the stars now hint at impending chaos and the sun has begun setting earlier each evening. Ahkin fears he might not be strong enough to save his people from another apocalypse. And to add to his list of worries, he can’t truly become emperor until he selects a wife.Mayana and six other noble daughters are sent to the palace to compete for Ahkin’s hand. She must prove she is a true daughter of water and face the others who have their own magical gifts from wielding the elements to the control of animals, plants and healing. And in a society centered on rigid rituals, Mayana must conceal her traitorous beliefs because if she doesn’t make Ahkin love her, she will become a ceremonial sacrifice to bless his marriage. But darker forces are at play and it won’t matter if Mayana loses if the world ends first…Rich in imagination and romance, and based on the legends and history of the Aztec and Mayan people, The Seventh Sun brings to vivid life a world on the edge of apocalyptic disaster. The Seventh Sun (The Age of the Seventh Sun #1) by Lani Forbes Publisher: Blackstone Publishing Release Date: 18th February 2020 Genre: Young Adult, Fantasy Links: Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44100454-the-seventh-sun Amazon: https://amzn.to/2rcbsQF B&N: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-seventh-sun-lani-forbes/1133399303?ean=9781982546090 Bookdepository: https://www.bookdepository.com/The-Seventh-Sun-Lani-Forbes/9781982546090 Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/gr/en/ebook/the-seventh-sun-1 Google Play: https://books.google.co.uk/books/about/The_Seventh_Sun.html?id=aIqtDwAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y Favorite Quotes: “A solitary flash of red splashed against the blue of the sky and distracted her from the twitching shadows of the birds. It looked like a comet, barely visible on the horizon but with a tail that glowed the color of blood.” “This will not be the last time we see each other,” he told her. “And when I see you next, I will be even more proud of you than I am now. Your compassionate heart may hold you back at times from doing what is necessary, but it is also your greatest fight. You see what others see, you feel what others feel. Use that, Mayana. It can be strength if you let it.” “Their attitudes will get us all killed by the gods, if you ask me. Sanctimonious fanatics. I hope the marriage arrangement they announced with the prince’s sister will do something to help smooth the tensions.” Yemenis shook her head slowly back and forth. Review: The Seventh Sun by Lani Forbes is unique in the fact that it focuses on South American cultures. It has a bit of Mayan, Aztec, and Egyptian cultures within it. I found that to be quite fascinating. This book starts off with a very dramatic bang. Ahkin’s father has died. Ahkin’s mother is off to kill herself per the tradition of their culture. His mother kills herself so that her son is able to marry and the new wife will be the next incarnation of the goddess. I mean what a way to start the beginning of a novel. Ahkin has to find a wife before he can inherit the title of emperor. Wow! There are so many rules for finding a wife. They have to be of noble descendant of one fo the gods. These gods are continually worshiped for the sacrifices to keep the people alive. The woman must prove themselves worthy of the marriage. The women that are not picked are sacrificed as a ceremonial blessing for the emperor’s rule and marriage. Quite intense right? Then we have Mayana who doesn’t believe in tradition and rituals. The beliefs she has about these traditions and rituals could get her killed if anyone found out. Mayana is an empath. She has a hard time with the sacrifices both human and animal. She doesn’t want to do them anymore and she questions why they are being done in the first place. All she truly feels is that she is letting her father down all the time because she has such a chard time with their way of life. I really liked the magic system in this book. I thought it was fitting. In order for someone with magic (or power) to be able to use it, they have to first cut themselves and spill their blood. There is also a fine line because they can’t spill too much blood or they will die. I feel like this book covers a lot of ground. You have Ahkin looking for a wife. You have Mayana falling in love with Ahkin but being conflicted due to her beliefs. You have conspiracies and traditions. So much information is dumped on you. This book is very hard to put down. It goes by fairly quickly. The Map: About the Author: Lani Forbes is the daughter of a librarian and an ex-drug smuggling surfer, which explains her passionate love of the ocean and books. A California native whose parents live in Mexico, she now resides in the Pacific Northwest where she stubbornly wears flip flops no matter how cold it gets. She teaches middle school math and science and proudly calls herself a nerd and Gryffindor. She is also an award-winning member of Romance Writers of America and the Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. Links: Website: https://laniforbes.com/ Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/18903487.Lani_Forbes Twitter: https://twitter.com/LaniForbes Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/laniforbes/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorLaniForbes/ Giveaway: Prize: Win (1) of (2) signed hardcover of THE SEVENTH SUN by Lani Forbes, a Worry Doll, a button and a bookmark (US/CAN Only) Starts: 12th February 2020 a Rafflecopter giveaway Tour Schedule: https://fantasticflyingbookclub.blogspot.com/2019/12/tour-schedule-seventh-sun-age-of.html February 12th The Unofficial Addiction Book Fan Club - Welcome Post February 13th Belle's Archive - Review + Favourite Quotes Story-eyed Reviews - Review Happily, Hedy - Review + Favourite Quotes Fanna Wants The World To Read - Review Dazzled by Books - Review + Favourite Quotes February 14th Artsy Draft - Guest Post biblioxytocin - Review + Favourite Quotes Book Briefs - Review Cluttered Books - Review + Favourite Quotes Popthebutterfly Reads - Review February 15th Kait Plus Books - Interview @onemused - Review Sohinee Reads & Reviews - Review Kati's Bookaholic Rambling Reviews - Review Bookablereads - Review + Favourite Quotes February 16th NovelKnight - Guest Post KookBookery - Review + Favourite Quotes Whispers & Wonder - Review Sometimes Leelynn Reads - Review + Playlist + Dream Cast Foals, Fiction & Filigree - Review + Favourite Quotes February 17th bewitchingwords - Review + Playlist L.M.Durand - Review Shelf-Rated - Review + Favourite Quotes The Reading Corner for All - Review + Playlist + Favourite Quotes mabookyard - Review + Favourite Quotes February 18th Bibliobibuli YA - Interview The Reading Chemist - Review Ya It’s Lit - Review + Favourite Quotes For The Love of Fictional Worlds - Review Jheel - Review + Favourite Quotes Instagram Schedule: February 12th TUABFC The FFBC Tours February 13th Belle's Archive Story-eyed Reviews Happily, Hedy Dazzled by Books February 14th Book Briefs Popthebutterfly Reads February 15th Kait Plus Books @onemused Kati's Bookaholic Rambling Reviews February 16th NovelKnight Whispers & Wonder Sometimes Leelynn Reads Foals, Fiction & Filigree February 17th L.M.Durand Shelf-Rated The Reading Corner for All February 18th Ya It’s Lit The Reading Chemist Jheel

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