#TAKE YOUR MEDS YALL THEY ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING

[your-subby-creature]

OH I may have figured out why my brain is so MEAN this is entirely my fault and now I'm a little embarrassed about crying about the same thing 4 times in the past 24 hours

#Creature rambles #long story short i forgot to take my brain meds AND my T for 2 days bc i put them in a place different from where i normally put them #so my brain is SAD and SCARED because it has no fucking serotonin and my body is SAD and CRYING because it has no boy juice to make it happy #i...committed an oopsie sorry everyone whos seen the various and sundry little vents ive posted and then deleted over the past 24hrs #happens to the best of us #TAKE YOUR MEDS YALL THEY ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING

[midnightwriter21]

demon slayer hcs: motherly hashira!reader x the hashira pt 2

characters: fem!reader x muichiro, sanemi, mitsuri, obanai

AN: this is a pt 2 for the request from @danielle-marie

READ THE FIRST PART HERE

MUICHIRO

I LOVE THIS BABY SM U DONT UNDERSTAND

he's the hashira that ur most comfortable around

he was a hashira before u

but u get promoted and its an instinct

child.

must protect.

at first he probably gets annoyed by you

he's not used to someone caring for him the way that u do

but then one day ur sent on a long mission

maybe a few weeks long

and he finds himself missing something

of course he has no idea what it is that he's missing something

he completely forgot about u

but when you get back to the butterfly estate and he sees u

it clicks

he remembers

he missed you

he missed your overprotective nature

he missed your soft caring voice

he missed the way that you brush and style his hair

he REALLY missed that ^

walks up to u, grabs ur hand and tugs u away

doesn't care if you were talking to someone

and doesn't say a word

brings you to his favorite cloud watching spot with a tight grip on your hand

makes you sit down

and lays his head in ur lap

stop im squealing and kicking my feet from the cuteness

SANEMI

my guyyyyyy

have i ever told yall that i love him?

only in every single thing i post

anyways

he HATES you at first

lmfao rip u

your shy and quiet nature reminds him of giyuu

and if theres one person sanemi can't stand

its giyuu

therefore he don't fw u

and doesn't pay u much attention

UNTILLLLL

he witnesses u pulling genya by the ear to the infirmary after a mission

and telling genya tf off for pulling som stupid shit during the mission

+100 respect right there

not only are u actually talking

but ur screaming??

at his brother??

and taking care of him at the same time?????

my guy is lucky if he doesn't pop a boner right there lmfaooo

starts paying more attention to u after that

and is noticeably a lot nicer and calmer around you

will blush beet red and deny tf out of it if the other hashira comment abt his change of heart

but def develops a soft spot for u

MITSURI

SWEETEST HUMAN BEING TO EVER EXIST EVER

she loves u

ofc she does she's the love hashira

but in mitsuri's mind how could she not absolutely ADORE u

not only are you breathtakingly beautiful in her eyes

but she sees the way u interact with the younger slayers

how u genuinely care for everyone's wellbeing

if she wasn't looking for a husband she would wife u tf UP

she still might lol

mitsuri is gonna go out of her way to become friends with you

she's inviting u to her estate for girl's night with shinobu

she's dragging u along to her favorite restaurant for lunch

she's inviting u to join her at the hot springs to relax

she really enjoys ur presence

even if ur shy she thinks ur very soothing to be around

she loves when you do her hair!!

and when u cook for her??

mitsuri alrdy eats a lot

but if u made the food for her??

girl is not letting a CRUMB go to waste

loves the way u take care of everyone

especially when u take care of her

10/10 would recommend a mitsuri

OBANAI

someone pls love this man

he needs it so bad

so dude had SHIT parents

like bad bad

so when he sees ur interactions with the younger slayers he's prob a lil put off at first

like ma'am?

this is the demon slayer corps??

we don't have time for all ur mothering and coddling

but then he's injured on a mission

and waiting in the infirmary for shinobu to show up and patch him up

and then u bust through the doors???

confused asf

shinobu is on a mission and you've been helping out in the infirmary

so looks like ur the one taking care of him today

and turns out his injury is bad enough to land him an extended stay in his lil hospital bed

and after a few days of u taking care of him

with ur red face and soft stuttered words

he learns that you're not so bad

and he actually enjoys being around you

and being taken care of

won't voice this tho

but when Aoi comes in to give him his meds one day he gives himself away by accident

with a

"where's y/n?"

he's a blushing grumbling mess after that lol

after he discharged best believe the next time he gets injured he's not even going to the infirmary

he's hunting u tf down

nobody else gets to take care of him except YOU

and thats period.

#demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #demon slayer headcanons #muichiro tokito #muichiro #muichiro x reader #mitsuri #mitsuri kanroji #mitsuri x reader #sanemi x reader #shinazugawa sanemi #sanemi #sanemi shinazugawa #obanai iguro #obanai x reader #obanai #kimetsu no yaiba sanemi #sanemi shinaguzawa #obanai iguro x reader #mitsuri kanroji x reader #muichiro tokito x reader #tokitō muichirō #sanemi headcanons #demon slayer muichiro

[artists-ally]

{She Gets The Flowers, Right?} Reader x Lucien {Pt.2}

Welp. Here we are. Didn't know this was gonna happen. I had ZERO INTENTIONS of writing a part two but I basically got cyber bullied into making another so here ya go fuckers. Someone literally threatened to stop taking their meds so to whoever that was I hope you get to keep your kidney! Enjoy! This part is inspired by this song.

Word Count: 6,111

Warnings: ANGST (yall thought you’re gonna get a happy ending? HAHAHAH) Some pretty negative self talk.

Tagging: @bubybubsters @cyrygher @thelov3lybookworm @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @anuttellaa @lookingforamissingpage @thehighlordishere @crazylokonugget

Summary: In the days and weeks that follow your downfall with Lucien, he has no fucking clue how to go about life without you. He can’t cope. And he desperately wants to fix everything with you.

~~~~~~~

LUCIEN’S POV

I have made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I thought that would be reserved for not being able to protect Jesminda. No. This… this is… I don’t even know.

I’m just standing on the sidewalk, staring at our- her home. At the rustic, auburn door we painted. At its brass knob, at the rusty, creaking hinges that would ring through the house when someone came in. At the little potted plant in the corner, the vines spilling out of it. 

I’ll never be back here again. 

I’ll never get to hear her laugh.

I’ll never get to taste her new recipes.

I will never be able to take all that I said back. That is the most haunting feeling of it all.

I’m an awful person. After all she’s done for me. After saving my life– on more than one occasion– I went and did nothing in return. I gave her nothing for her endless kindness. All I was capable of doing was destroying the one person in my life who has given me everything I’ve ever wanted. 

Unconditionally. She always loved me unconditionally. How could I have been so blind and naive to it? How did I never see it? 

Gods every single time she made me something to eat, a recipe to try… she was basically shoving the bond in my face, hoping I would see it. And I never ever considered it. I was so lost in Elain. Lost in the fact that I finally had feelings for someone after Jesminda… Not once did I think it could be Yn. 

I don’t deserve her. I never did. I was a bitter, rotten shell of a man when she met me. She dragged me by the arms to her house to fix me. She thought I was worthy of being saved when my own father thought the opposite. Yn put me back together. She made me who I am. And this is the thanks I give her?

Elain has said all of ten sentences to me in the past year. I haven’t been able to do anything but replay every single one of them in my head. A thousand times– a hundred thousand times. I wish I couldn’t. It’s exhausting. Constantly thinking of her. But I don’t have a choice. 

I like the feeling of being able to feel again. But at the cost of Yn? At the complete sacrifice of all I’ve known for the past century? My rock? My best friend? Nothing is worth more. 

But it is far too late to do anything about it. I’ve lost her.

I want her back. 

Yn did things to me that no one else could. She just seemed to know when things were wrong. She always knows what to say, when to say it, and how. She never tells you what you want to hear, it’s always what you need. She is the most well rounded person I’ve ever met. She’s never afraid to feel her emotions. 

I envy that skill.

I’ve always hid my feelings deep down. It took years to decipher them again. But it was Yn who made me do it. She always fought for me, fought me for me. Yn never let me do it alone. Refused to, actually. Was there every step of the way and never told me I was taking too long or wasting her time. 

I get it now.

And there is nothing I can do. I have nowhere to go. Tears scald my eyes as I trudge down the little path that we beat into the grass. Day in and day out. 

I remember when we picked this place. We had only been in Velaris for a week or two when we stumbled across it. It was run down and needed a new roof. As a thank you for keeping Feyre safe on our journey across the Courts, Rhysand gifted it to us. Complete with a new roof, new furniture, a new kitchen for Yn to cook in. And he let us be. Well, let her be. I still had my debts to pay off. 

And then I met Elain and… fuck. Everything went to shit after that. 

There is no way of processing all of these emotions at once. These very real feelings I still have for Elain. And these all-of-a-sudden very fucking real feelings I now have for Yn. It’s how I imagine imploding feels like. My body wants to cave into itself and never fold back out. 

I pray to the Cauldron that I do self destruct. This feeling, a mixture between irrational rage and betrayal… I don’t wish it upon another living soul. And Gods know I’d sell mine to change everything I’ve just done. 

I don’t even know how I ended up at the Town House. All of a sudden I was just standing in front of it. I normally resent coming here, but for some reason I was relieved to see the bricks and busted up cobblestone sidewalk. Maybe no one would be here; Rhys was more often than not at the River House with Feyre and Nyx, indulging in the life of parenthood. Nesta and Cassian were probably somewhere in the House of Wind with Elain, Mor at Rita’s, Amren with Varian, and who the hell knows where Azriel is.

I can’t wait to be alone to scream. 

Fuck, the door is locked. Of course the door is locked, no one’s here. It takes every bit of control in my shiver-ridden body to not rip the door off its hinges. And it takes even more control to not collapse against the door and break down for the whole street to see. 

The lock clicks and the door opens. 

I force myself to appear relaxed. I wipe my tears and brush away my loose strands of hair. No use. My face is probably as red as the burning self hatred inside my twisted heart. 

“What are you doing here Lucien?” The High Lord asks. 

I gulp. Of all the people, it had to be him? At least it’s not Azriel, I think. I might hate him more than I hate myself. For actually getting Elain’s attention. Yn was right, I am selfish. “Sorry, didn’t realize you were in.”

“Did you leave something?” I don’t move, and I stay deathly still. Rhys looks me head to toe, and I know he can scent me from a mile away. “Lucien, what the fuck did you do?”

“Stay the fuck out of my head,” I snarled, pointing a finger at his chest. 

“I don’t need to read your thoughts. Your face says it all.”  Rhys crosses his arms over his chest, “Look, we’ve all told you that Elain is hard to reach these days. She isn’t worth-”

“This… this doesn’t have anything to do with Elain.” I lied. He seemed to know it. “Can I just come in?”

Rhys just steps aside, shutting the door behind me. “I don’t really have time for-”

“I fucked up.”

“Clearly.”

“Rhysand,” I said. So full of disgust. He looked at me with a blank expression. One I have seen too many times to not know what comes next. I eased up my tone. “Is anyone else here?”

“No,” he answers, moving around me and heading into a study on the other side of the living room. 

I can’t help but think of how we all gathered in that living room a few months ago for Solstice. Exchanging gifts and drinks and smiles and stories. I vividly remember making Yn laugh so hard she tipped her head over the arm of the couch, sending her wine tumbling to the ground. The stain still on the small rug almost makes me smile, and it almost makes me burst into tears. 

“I ruined everything in my life. Yn’s gone.” I could feel the air freeze around me. “Not like, gone gone but she’s… I don’t think I’ll ever be seeing her again.”

“So this is because of Elain.”

I bit my tongue so hard I thought I’d bite it off completely. But I sighed, the tears coming with it. “Yes.” A really long pause. “She told me I’m-”

“You’re Yn’s mate?”

“Yes.”

“And you never knew because you were so focused on Elain.” “Is that supposed to be a question?”

“It was, but you just gave me your answer,” Rhys sat. “Do you want me to keep guessing or are you going to tell me what happened?”

I took the biggest breath I could, steading my words. “I missed the opening of her restaurant because I was with Elain.”

Rhysand looked at me with such revulsion that I thought he might put me through a wall. Those wicked, violet eyes could’ve boiled my bones. For a split second I wished he would. I could tell he wanted to say something, but I don’t think there were enough words in the world for how much of an awful person I was. 

“There are things in this world that we sacrifice in this world Lucien,” Rhys said.

Hesitantly, “I know.” 

“And Yn gave up the biggest of them all. She shut her mouth to let you be happy. She did what I did for Feyre until she realized what situation she was in. You are one spineless bastard for doing anything but giving your life to her.”

“I know.”

“Have you any idea what you’ve done to her? She gave you everything you could ever ask for. From the moment the two of you stepped in my Court I could tell she only had eyes for you. When you are in the room you’re the only one she looks at. How could you have not known?”

“I don’t know…” “Yes, you do.”

I plunged my nails into my palms. “For Cauldron's sake Rhysand of course I know.”

“Then why did you continue to ignore Yn?”

“Because I couldn’t ever let myself think a female like her would like such a broken, dismantled and lost soul like mine.” Rhysand stared at me. “When Yn pulled me from the border to fix me, she spent every waking moment of her life stringing my mind and body into one piece. If I let myself think for even a second that it was anything other than kindness, I would’ve gone mad.”

“Would it have been so terrible to love her?”

“I’ve always loved her. I just never thought I’d be allowed to love her the way she loves me.”

“Because of Elain?” “Because of Elain.”

Rhys blew out a breath, sitting down on the corner of his desk. “So, let me see if I have all of this correct. You wouldn’t let yourself fall for Yn because you thought you were unworthy. Instead, you sabotaged both of your happiness for Elain simply because she was your mate and you just wanted to feel something?”

“It sounds so much more fucked when you say it outloud.” I rubbed my hands over my tired, burning eyes. “And it’s not just because she’s my mate, Rhys. I genuinely like her. She’s… she has the potential to be so sweet. I’ve seen glimpses of it, heard stories from Feyre and Nesta. Why won’t she let me see?”

“You are still clueless, aren’t you?” He scoffed. “Here you are, a ruined man because you drove away your best friend, and you’re still worried about someone who doesn’t want you. Pathetic. You are a selfish son of a bitch.”

“I can’t just ignore Elain. It’s impossible to think of anything else but her and how I can help her.” “Lucien,” Rhysand stopped me from going on another tangent. “Maybe start considering that she doesn’t want you.”

“What?” My lip trembled. “N-No she… we have a bond. It’s there she just needs time. I’m her mate, she’ll want one eventually.”

“Just like Yn will want one?” His eyes were as viscous as the tone of his voice. “You are doing the same thing to Yn that Elain is doing to you. You understand how that feels. Now imagine that Elain was the one you found on the border of the Spring Court and you spent decades nursing her mind back into her body. Recreating her personality and passions. Wouldn’t you be a little fucking irate if she started showing interest in another male after all you did for her?”

I froze.

This was so much deeper than I ever thought it could be. But I could see it. Bringing Elain back to herself all for it to be thrown away by another male. Azriel filled that roll, and I was filled with raw fury at the mere thought of that happening. 

“So now you see what Yn has been dealing with. And Gods, Lucien, she has been dealing with it for a long while. What you did was wrong, unjust, and unfair. And for you to be with Elain on the day of her grand opening, where all of us just were, is… that may be unforgivable.”

“I don’t deserve to be forgiven for what I’ve just done…”

My shoulder hunch, and my chest cracks. I am a bleeding mess of tears. I can barely stand as I openly sob in front of Rhys. I’m surprised when he shoves a chair under me instead of letting me crumble to the floor in my self induced agony. And I’m even more surprised when he puts a hand on my shoulder. 

It’s Yn. It’s always been Yn. There is nothing in this world that can compare to her or her kindness or her love. What a fool I have been to not take the hand that was given me. What a selfish, self-serving waste of a man I have been to her. 

I can’t take it. I have to have her back. I have to fix this. I have to. I have to. I have to. 

I stand. “Woah, what are you doing?” Rhys tried to get me to sit down. 

“Yn- I have to fix this with Yn-”

“No,” Rhys slams me back into the chair. “You are not going to march back over there.”

“I have to,” I yelled. “I can’t let her kick me out without her knowing that I’m sorry. That I’ll do anything she wants me to to win her back. I can’t be without her, I need her.”

“She kicked you out?” I nodded. “You’re not going anywhere. She clearly doesn’t want to see you. Nothing you could say to her would suffice. Especially right now. She needs time. She needs space. If I find out that you go back to your- her house, I’ll drop you back in the Spring Court, do you understand me?”

I nod viciously. 

“Good,” Rhys let out a heavy breath. “You can have your old room back. Nothing in it but a few storage boxes. Everything is otherwise untouched.” Great. My old memories to haunt me. Just what I needed. For a very short week we stayed here. Yn’s room was right across from mine. Just another reminder of everything that’s happened between now and then. 

I slump in the seat, letting tears trickle down my nose and onto my knee. Watching them evaporate and dry, just for the material to be soaked again. “I’m so sorry Yn…”

I heard Rhys whirl around, and I could feel the tension across the room. He probably thinks I’m mad. I might as well be. 

More footsteps sounded than people in the house and Cassian walked in the room. Luckily I was facing away from him. “Don’t tell me he’s a part of our special detachment.”

I rolled my eyes. Cassian, ever the charming.

“No, he’s… well, he’ll be living here for a little while.”

“Do I wanna know?”

“It’s none of your business,” I snapped. No one spoke. I sighed for what felt like the billionth time today. “Sorry.”

“What happened?” Cassian asked, coming to stand next to me, his body reeking of sweat and dirt. All I had to do was lift my head and I think he understood enough. That or Rhys told him. “I won’t say anything cause I’ll probably just make it worse.”

“Probably,” Rhys nodded. 

“Probably.” My eyes burned, so did my skin. “I have to get all my stuff out tomorrow. She told me to.”

“Then you’ll do it tomorrow. Not tonight, tomorrow. Respect her wishes, or I will make you.”

“I heard you the first time.”

“We’ll be back,” Rhys grabbed a few things from his desk then ushered Cassian out the door. “Don’t do anything. Just stay here.”

It could’ve been twenty minutes or two hours until I finally moved upstairs. Forcing myself to not go to Yn’s room was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. All the conversations we had, all the plans we made. It’s where she first got the idea of her restaurant. She literally had a dream and made it a reality. 

I’d be lying if I said I told her how proud of her I was. I never have. Why have I never told her that? Could I really have been that caught up in Elain that… Wow. It’s funny how you only realize after the fact. 

My bed caught me as I collapsed into it, tucking my knees into my chest. I am such a loser. Pathetic. Just like Rhys said. My heart would burn up and die at this rate. It was a mystery how I hadn’t burst into flames yet. 

There are so many things I need, and Yn takes the top of the list. She had always been everything I needed. When I needed comfort, I went to Yn. When I needed solutions, I went to Yn. When I needed answers, to be heard, to be validated, to be loved… who was I supposed to go to now? Definitely not Rhys or Cassian, and certainly not Elain.

Maybe for the first time ever I wanted nothing to do with Elain. I didn’t want to see her. I couldn’t care less if I ever saw her again. Her presence in my life has done nothing but tear my other relationships apart. 

She’s the reason I’m here in this mess.

_____

At some ridiculous hour of the night– morning? Is that the sun?– I heard the door open. I shot up, then deflated down. I wasn’t in my bed. I wasn’t at home. And that wasn’t Yn walking in the door. 

Every thought and emotion rushed back into my head, creating an endless tangle of thoughts. The next more horrid and self destructive than the last. I deserve it. 

Missing the opening of her restaurant, Latibule–an ancient word for refuge or safe place–was the biggest mistake of my life. I will never be able to make that up to her. I turned her biggest accomplishment into a slimy, diseased memory. I ruined what was supposed to be the best night of her life.

I’ve let her down in a way I’ll never be able to repair. 

Even Rhys and Feyre were there last night. And I wasn’t. Nesta and Cassian. Azriel, Amren, Mor… they were all there, supporting her. And I was with Elain. She probably wanted to go, and I was there, holding her back. 

I need to get out of this room before it crushes me whole.

I could see the sun just barely peeking over the Sidra when I stepped outside, cloak wrapped tightly around my head and shoulders to keep out the early morning bite. 

There wasn’t a soul around, Velaris still blissfully asleep besides this one small corner store that sold hot tea and pastries all hours of the day. Rustling in my pocket was just enough for a peach turnover and a cherry blossom tea. 

The bell chimed above the door as I walked in, knocking my boots against the step to not track dirt in. 

“Early start to the day, Luc?” Ms. Immy smiled from behind the counter, polishing a few mugs before moving to come to the display case, packed full of delicious goods, savory and sweet. 

“Unfortunately,” I sighed. “Couldn’t really sleep.”

“Well I am glad to have you in, the usual?”

“That would be great, Ms. Immy.” 

The lovely owner of the bakery was Ms. Immy. One of the older members of the Night Court but as wise as they come. She’s the kindest, most gentle fae to roam Prythian. With her soft, sage green eyes and long, slender ears adorn with piercings, Ms. Immy was by far one of my favorites here. 

The kettles whistled behind her as she dipped a tea bag into my mug. Ms. Immy always had designated mugs for her regular customers. Mine was made of green clay, mostly green with a white oval on the front with two lines of flowers. In the center of it all was a simple fox. She once told me that I had the spirit of one of those extinct creatures in the human lands. That I was reserved, and at my core I fiercely protected those I cared about.

If only I had been able to protect Yn from myself.

Her mug had been one crafted of the moon and the stars. With all the constellations of the Gods being lifted into the air by the magic of the Cauldron. Ms. Immy had told her it was a visual representation that Yn was a great reminder of the past to the current world. That she was lost art that was to never be forgotten. 

There is nothing I want more than for the rest of the world to be loved as fiercely as she had loved me.

“Here is your tea, Lucien,” Ms. Immy set the mug on the counter, pushing up the glass case and plucking a peach turnover out. “And for you as well.”

“Thank you,” I tried to smile. I stared at the blackberry tart next to the peach turnovers. Yn’s go-to. It made my blood run cold. 

I put the coins in her hand before I could begin to cry again and scooted out the door as another person was coming in. 

The table and chairs outside were hard and covered in a light mist. It creaked as I sat, just as it always did. I should've sat anywhere else, but my body naturally drifted to this exact spot. It had a good view of the street so Yn and I could watch the people walk by. Pretending we know every bit of their personal lives and beyond. Make up extravagant stories and adventures for the most boring looking individuals in hopes they may one day get to go on them in another lifetime. 

Gods she is everywhere. She’s in the tavern across the street, in the stones on the ground that we used to kick on our walks. She’s in the sunrise, the same color of her heated cheeks filling the sky. There is no escaping what used to be my whole world. 

Silently, I let a few tears roll down my cheeks. I ought to be ashamed of showing so much emotion in public, but for some reason I can’t find the will to care. 

The door chimes and footsteps go back down the street. The door chimes again. 

“My fox boy,” Ms. Immy says so softly I almost don’t hear it over the roar in my ears. “What troubles you so badly you can’t sleep?”

I bite my lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises. “I don’t know how to fix something that I’ve done.”

“You missed the opening of Yn’s restaurant.” She says. 

I nod. “How did you know?”

“Because I did not see you there, fox boy.”

“She kicked me out, Ms. Immy. I deserved it, every bit of what she said was true.”

“I think that is true, Lucien,” Ms. Immy came and sat in Yn’s spot, folding her hands in her lap, letting out a breath of air as she extended her old, feeble legs. “Nobody is happy with what you’ve done but-”

“I didn’t mean to blow her off Ms. Immy I just-”

“But,” she cuts me off with a pointed look. “I think you are a very lost soul. For the first time in your life you are truly free. No High Lord to obey, no throne to fight for, no war to fight in. Just a High Lord to serve and to respect. You have everything you could ask for, and yet you have no idea what to do with it.”

She’s right. She’s always right. “I want to fix it. I have to.”

“I am afraid that may not be what the spirit of the Gods wants.” Why is it that I get called fox boy and Yn get’s called something as majestic as ‘spirit of the Gods’? “If those are her wishes, you are going to respect them. Eternally.”

“I will go mad. If I don’t have her by my side for the rest of my life I will go mad.” “So you share a bond with her as well?” She asks. 

“I don’t know. All I do is that I haven’t stopped crying and shaking at every reminder of her. No matter how small. Life without her in it is meaningless to me. Afterall, she is the one who gave it back to me.”

“And a good job she did, fox boy,” Ms. Immy smiled softly. “You are a good male who has been blinded by instincts. While it is not your fault, it has become your problem. And by the looks of you, it seems like it has become quite the ordeal.”

My shoulders dropped as I put my head in my palms. I breathed. “I don’t know how to function without her. She has been there, every day of my life, for nearly seventy years, Ms. Immy. We did everything together. Our mornings were spent as one, our evenings, all the restaurant planning and-and brunches here with you-”

“Breathe, Lucien-”

“How am I supposed to just pack up my things today and move on? H-How am I supposed to just carry on as if she never existed in my life? The thought of not being able to see her every day makes me want to peel the skin off my flesh.”

Ms. Immy looked at me, the hard lines in her face becoming more defined. “Listen to me very carefully, fox boy. What’s done is done. You cannot go back in time and take back what you said. The worst of it is over. Now comes the long process of trying to piece your life together. Whether Yn will be able to help you will depend on what you decide to do in the next several days. If you follow her wishes of moving out and staying clear, there could be a chance in the future. But, if you neglect her wishes, as you had neglected her to lead you to this moment, then there is no hope.”

If you neglect her wishes, as you had neglected her to lead you to this moment, then there is no hope… Words have never stunned me quite as forcefully as Ms. Immy’s had. The true gravity of the situation has set in, if it hadn’t already. One wrong move and she’s gone. For good.

“There is a reason why you are my little fox, Lucien,” Ms. Immy stood, taking my cold mug that I hadn’t touched. “They were intelligent, cunning creatures, just as you are. Do not let your instincts guide you to a decision. Let your heart and the facts do it for you.”

“The facts? What facts?” “The fact that you have screwed up. The fact that Yn has made a decision for you since you were incapable of doing it yourself. It is truth, and it hurts, but it has to for change to come.” And then she went inside. 

I sat with those final words for far longer than I anticipated. It was long enough for people to begin leaving their homes, the streets beginning to fill with people. 

Yn would be out of the house by now, opening for the restaurant’s breakfast hours. I could go now. Or I could stay here and try to blend into the hundreds of faces passing in and out. But I need to move. Yn might come in for her apple cider and blackberry tart. If I saw her right now I’d surely do something stupid. 

As I walked, the clouds blocked out the sun and it began to drizzle. The drizzle turned into a steady rain, then a downpour. I was soaked through my cloak and boots, water seeping in and out with every step. My hair stuck to the back of my neck. 

I kept my head down as I walked, afraid of being recognized. If Ms. Immy had been there to not see me at Latibule, who else? 

The cobblestone ended and mud replaced it. I knew where I was.

The old, beaten path dared me to go up to the house. It beckoned me. From here, at the bottom of the hill, I could see several boxes stacked up outside the door, the disposable brown material soaked through with the rain. She was serious…

Some part of me– the extremely selfish part– has been secretly hoping that she’ll tell me she made a mistake and that she wants me back. But I think those boxes are a not-so-gentle-shove in the opposite direction. 

The key in my pocket might as well have been the key to another universe, because when I opened the door it was like I entered a whole new world. One without me in it. All the pictures of us, all the paintings Feyre had done for us, were off the walls. All the plants and trinkets and decorations I gifter here were piled in the corner for me to collect.

How could so much damage have been done in just a few hours? 

One by one, I packed away the things into the soggy boxes. I moved from room to room. Silently. Hoping this was all a dream only to be launched back into reality with every memory that surfaced. Every possession I had given her in the last seventy years was piled here for me to take. 

She wanted no trace of me here. And I didn’t blame her. I don’t want any trace of me either. 

I must’ve stayed there for hours– crying, packing, reliving moments I had long forgotten only to cry again– because it was close to sunset now. Every trace of me was packed up; all those pictures, all those trinkets, all my clothes and bathing goods… everything I owned fit into these boxes. Everything except for the one person I didn’t want to do life without. 

But Rhys and Ms. Immy are right. If I try to do something now, to get her back, I’ll ruin any real chance. That is something I can’t afford. 

To an immortal, a few months or years equivalates to just a few minutes of human life. But if it takes years for Yn to accept me back in her life…

Besides the clothes and membranes from the Autumn and Spring Courts, I discard everything. I will tear myself to bits if I don’t get rid of them. Will I regret it down the road, probably, but I can’t have them. 

The two boxes and bag of clothes I carry from her house to the Town House are water logged and falling apart. It’s a miracle they didn’t unravel completely. Just add more humiliation to a High Lords son dragging boxes and bags through the street. I deserve all the stare’s and hushed questions. 

Nothing could’ve prepared me for the sights of Rhys and Cassian helping me carry them up the stairs. 

“I don’t know how you’re feeling but-”

“Don’t,” I pleaded. “Just… just don’t. I don’t want your pity, Cassian.”

“I am probably the last person besides Azriel who would pity you, Lucien. And I had no intentions to belittle you for what you did. I was going to offer you a spot in my training ring if you ever needed an escape.”

His kindness shocked me. I can’t say I know the Illyrian well, but this gesture spoke a lot to his character. So I sighed, of course I thought he was going to be hostile to me. Everyone should. “Oh.”

“Training starts at eight and goes to one. Come well fed and in something warm. The top of the House is colder.”

Neither of us said anything else as he left me to unpack.

______

Some weeks later I had taken Cassian up on his offer. Him and Nesta were great at kicking my ass and telling me about it. This side of both of them was far different than the ones I had seen. Here, Cassian wasn’t a prick. He was an instructor, teaching me how to defend my life and my honor. Nesta was… less Nesat. She channeled this otherworldly presence and became one with her weapon.

Me on the other hand… it was far more difficult. Fighting and battle wasn’t rooted in my blood like it was for Cassian. It was much harder for me to get it but I sorta did. Sorta. 

“Just keep working on that footwork and it’ll help with the sword placement. If you’re solid by the end of the week, I’ll put a real one in your hands,” Cassian grinned, chucking me my practice weapon. 

It brought a quick smile to my face. As fast as it was there it was gone. Like most these days. 

When I got home, I rifled through my closet. Brown and green and cream colored shirts after another. Where was that Night Court Blue one I had gotten a long time ago? I could’ve sworn I plucked it from the pile on the floor- no, that was a towel. I was planning on wearing it to dinner at the River House tonight for Mor’s birthday.

Oh, Yn has it. I had given it to her to wear for a meeting with a realtor when looking at properties. She had tucked it into this black leather skirt.

I’ll swing by on my way to the party to get it. Mor always liked the color on me, and said it brought out the fire in my hair. She’ll appreciate the gesture.

After a shower and some other outfit choices, I can’t help but want that blue shirt. I’ll just go get it.

Through the falling leaves, I make my way down the street, across it, and to the meadow. There are six or seven houses with smoke billowing out of their chimneys. But there, right in the distance, is her house. She’ll be at her restaurant tonight so I know I’m safe. 

I scurry up the path, still worried about being seen for some reason. 

Has it been easy these past couple weeks? No. I haven’t been able to think of anything but her. Or dream of anything but her. It’s awful. Not her, but the fact that somehow, someway, she is still everywhere I am. In those memories in the darkest part of the night. The darkest part of my mind reserved for her and her only. 

I hadn’t dared to go visit Elain. I don’t feel the need anymore. Which is relieving and frightening at the same time. It’s like there is a gaping hole in my heart that nothing will fill. Not even training. It proves a good secondary distraction, but nothing can suppress the primary guilt I feel every waking–

What is that smell? I stopped just shy of the door, key in hand. It wants to smell like the rest of the smoke and ash wafting into the air from the nearby cabins, but it’s… more alive? What if she left the stove on? Or a candle? There are hints of woods mixed into it, but not the type of woodsy scent from pine or maple logs. 

I jam the key in as fast as I can to unlock the door. What if she left the fireplace burning or had an electrical fire or-

In the span of five seconds, three things happened. One: Yn was here. And she looked so beautiful. Her eyes are bright and full of color. Two: she was being held by someone, his hands on her cheeks. Three: boiling rage shot through when I realized who it was.

Eris.

~~~~~~~~~

Part 3

#acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #lucien x you #lucien x reader #lucien acotar #lucien vanserra #acotar #acotar fandom

[toobusyshrimping]

So the general idea is that lucy grew up sheltered and in a doomsday cult and somehow ends up finding out the world didn't actually end. She lives her life for a bit and then somehow winds up on a seeking arrangments style site under the title atomicqueen.

Meanwhile Coop is an old western movie star that lost his ability to be hired after an unfortunate accident on set that involved getting head to toe burns (losing his nose to necrosis) but getting paid out the fucking WAZOO because the accident went outside of your standard we are not responsible for your safety experience. Uses seeking arrangement style website to find someone for the girlfriend experience to just take out wine/dine. (Probably under the name radiationking)

Winds up finding Lucy who doesn't even bat an eye at what he looks like. She understands how most things work (i am a Lucy is not naïve supremacist, she grew up in a cult yall) but is extremely blunt and argues with him about things and he hasn't had this much fun in years.

She gently bullies him into not just taking her out to eat but going on hikes and things, he thinks its because she doesnt want to be seen in public with him but "No Cooper, you asked for the girlfriend experience. You have to do something that I want to do every now and then." Next date he takes her out and teaches her how to shoot and she grins at him when he compliments her grouping and this grumpy old man thinks "oh fuck im in deep"

Also also that bitch is carrying around an extra inhaler and pain meds at all time for him because why not

#ghoulcy

[the-s1lly-corner]

Caine and kinger x reader with ADHD

Caine and Kinger x reader w/ ADHD

yahoo!! gonna knock out some requests today !! this is gonna be based off of my own experiences btw !! not much else i can think to put in this authors note so! ill just get on with it note from the future, little longer than i intended but thats mostly because admin started relating TOO much wuh-oh

CAINE:

caine is honestly really good about keeping you on track when theres a task at hand. i dont know about you, but i tend to wander about when im working on something; to check on something else repeatedly then coming back to what needs to be done and just go back and forth.(shit im even doing it now, the getting up and checking on things thing even though i know the thing is fine/complete) i like to think that caine would be pretty okay at making sure you get the thing you need/want to do done! i dont think theres meds in the digital world, i mean yeah sure you can ask for them but since theyre digital theyre not going to actually. do anything. but lets say in a hypothetical au where this all takes place in the real world and caine is a real person, he would make sure you take them consistently and on time. honestly this hc isnt really part of the ask but; i generally like to think that caine likes to follow routines and schedules as closely as he can... maybe its the ringmaster thing since hes tasked with keeping everything running but... shrugs

very supportive when you make a small mistake in something (like this is just a general thing, though) and isnt too obnoxious with trying to hold or regain your attention is something happens to the side and steals it away. very patient and polite with it, i think

last minute addition because it hit me like a sack of bricks. time blindness. fucking time blindness. you know how i mentioned that caine is good at keeping you on track? i think he would be good with helping you out with that, at least some of it. mostly logging your activities and him keeping an eye on the time (which he already does so its not like an extra habit he needs to pick up.. though if it werent he would pick it up in a heartbeat. literally anything for you, he loves you a lot)

KINGER:

honestly he might start to mimic your stims and fidgets! he doesnt mean to mock you, no i just think he would start to reflect your actions after spending most of his time around you to make sure you're okay! while caine keeps you on track, kinger is likely to go with you when you wander off to check/do something else. really unless its something time sensitive or really important is when hes going to start outwardly reassuring you that the other thing is fine. honestly, in an au with the real world i was originally going to say he would have a chance of forgetting to help remind you/ask if you took your meds (if you take them) but i think he would take stuff like that way too seriously to even DARE forget. like yeah sure you're not going to d1e if you forget to take them for a single day but still. he'd probably be like this with any meds tbh, so if you're prone to forgetting youll be fine as long as you have kinger around! gibes you pillows for fidget stuff, if you are feeling restless. or perhaps even goes on a walk with you around the circus grounds. like idk about yall, or if this is something completely unrelated, but my legs HURT when i sit too still. like down to the bone, if i dont get up every now and then its agony; sleeping is hell and on days its worse than others (like im talking sometimes i need to be in near constant movement) (also jerky arms and legs) (anyways)

also very polite with returning your attention to where it needs to be but honestly given that kinger himself is shown to space out at least twice in the pilot i think sometimes you guys both get side tracked and struggle to remember and/or get back into the flow of what you were originally doing

ponders

tldr; caine keeps you more on track with schedules whereas kinger embraces your flow a little more but both are respectful of things and dont really make you feel less than + remind you to take care of yourself

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #kinger x reader

[moltengoldveins]

yeah no, I think the realization that I’m older than Anakin Skywalker in the second prequel is doing something to my brain. yall. Y’all, he was a child. He was nineteen. He wasn’t even in his twenties. Say what you will about the Jedi culture (I have… so many thoughts. Most are positive, with a few glaring negatives) it obviously did not work for him, and it was not supporting or caring for him the way he needed, and nobody got him out. There was no way out. No “hold out until you graduate, then get an apartment away from your family and find peace” no “leave that group of friends and find people who love you” he had Obi Wan, Palpatine, and Padme. Obi Wan made it quite clear that Jedi weren’t Allowed to love the way Anakin had been taught love was supposed to work, and he clearly didn’t explain how Jedi love worked. Not well enough for Anakin to internalize it around the screaming background noise of suspicion and slavery. Palpatine was a Sith. And Anakin married Padme. We’re literally never shown evidence that he made other close friends in the Jedi, or anywhere else. Obi Wan, traumatized oddball with a maverick master and a years-long gap in his padawan training that he was, had Quinlan, had Windu, had Yoda, had Bant, had Dex. He had People. Anakin did not. I’m kinda… kinda loosing my mind over that, cause I know how bad that can get. I’ve had people now for a few years. I didn’t, for nearly two decades. I am rather uniquely situated to be sympathetic. That doesn’t excuse how badly Anakin screwed up but damn if it doesn’t explain it. I am older than he was. I’m really still a kid. I’m in college. I’m learning how to balance a sleep schedule. I’m taking meds for the first time. I’m new to making friends. he’s married. He’s battlefield-knighted, thrust into a spotlight, and told-but-not-told that it’s His Responsibility to end this war. He’s holding dying men. He’s raising a thirteen year old girl who’s never been trained for a conflict bigger than a diplomatic dispute. He’s cradling his beaten and violated mother in his arms. She doesn’t have enough breath to finish telling him she loves him before she’s gone. I’m pretty sure I woulda snapped, too. I’m pretty sure I woulda snapped sooner. I dunno if my nigh-unhealthy adherence to my oddly specific moral code (no violence against children, ever, period) would have stopped me in the Temple, or at the Tusken camp, but I woulda done horrible things in his situation. I think we all would have, and it makes me uncomfortable when people say that Anakin is some kind of monster. I think we like pretending that there’s some inherent difference between Bad People and Good People that starts at birth. There isn’t. We’re all fallen. We’re all entirely capable and Actually Rather Prone to evil in all its forms, yes including that one. you are capable of that level of evil. The whole point of these stories is to show you how easy it is to ‘fall,’ how convenient it is to reach for the darkness, how quickly you could find yourself lost. You are capable, in certain circumstances, of committing atrocities. You are. We all are. We are lucky enough to be born with decent parents, with a supportive community, and a lack of significant influences to the ‘dark side.’ But there is no difference between you and i and a murderer in our levels of ‘inherent soul goodness’ or whatever, just a difference in our stubborn adherence to what is good and right. Our choices are our own, yea, but they are always human choices. There has never been a choice made by someone that could not have, in another circumstance, been made by anyone else.

#molten rambles #star wars #im back on my bullcrap #anakin skywalker

[normal-thoughts-official]

no one look at me but im gonna make an endless summer meta post about sean and craig while vaguely high on sleeping meds if yall dont mind

anyway. sean's whole thing as a character is that he never lets anyone take care of him. he even says at some point that the only thing he's ever been good at is taking the punishment so someone else doesn't have to. when him and MC go to the waterfall, he tells them that he feels better when he's not relaxing because he needs to feel useful. he constantly puts himself in danger for others. he refuses any help when he's nearly dying of hypothermia. he gets shot and says he was "grazed" by a bullet. he walks on it and doesn't let anyone notice that he's lagging behind. michelle says he once played with a broken femur. his ember of hope is just his mom telling him that no one's indestructible and it's ok to ask for help. you get it. it's his thing

and I've always been kind of fascinated by how 1- craig is the only person he seems to be able to accept help from; and 2- craig hides so much from sean and has this whole dudebro thing going on but still makes the most balls to the walls declarations of devotion for sean like it's the most normal thing in the world ("if you're gonna put your life on the line, I'll be there clearing the way. always, dude"; "i was put on this earth for two reasons: helping sean on the field and smashing things with pipes"; having a picture of sean on his desk in the ember of hope; etc). even his rourke inc file puts "intense loyalty to his QB sean gayle" as his main trait in his psychological profile. frankly, what the fuck

anyway. the point is that im just now realizing that these things might be related ["related" in italics]

and like don't get me wrong, im not saying sean is emotionally constipated or something (far from it, honestly) but I've replayed ES 74363839 times and just started my first ever run where i didn't romance sean yesterday, so i can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that he struggles to even let his real actual husband take care of him

sean's the caretaker. he's the provider. he sees himself as an armor and a protector to those around him. and he doesn't allow himself to ever crack or fail or slow down and breathe, because he needs to feel like he is able to help them the way he wishes he could've helped his mom sooner

and then there's craig. craig is actually pretty similar to sean in that regard, except instead of trying to protect everyone, he's trying to protect sean. i mean, he outright says it several times. and if it were anyone else, sean would immediately step back and say that he appreciates it, but he's fine, or whatever. but sean seems to be able to accept being taken care of when it comes from craig

he doesn't push craig away when craig says lines like that, despite the fact that they're so outright devotional i think even someone without sean's issues would be taken aback. he smiles and says "thanks man" and just. accepts it. he lets craig come with the explicit purpose of protecting him in the wilderness expedition, without even a token protest (and he protested with literally everyone else and even tried to convince people to let him go alone). we know of course that it's still hard for him to accept help from craig when the time actually comes (the flashback about them playing where sean scrambled, sean trying to pull everyone when they nearly fell off a cliff, sean's death in the catalyst idol, and don't even get me started on how both of them canonically died for the other at least once), but the hypothetical idea is something he can accept from him. does it naturally, even. and as someone who's been romancing sean and who was all but BEGGING him to let me take care of him, it was wild

and im just now realizing that one of the reasons why sean is able to let craig take care of him is exactly because craig has this very unique way or being super emotionally open and vulnerable while making it sound like he's offering to do a keg stand at a party, or something. the words and the honesty behind them are obvious, but the "always, dude" and "and smashing things with pipes" and the other stuff he always says along with the declarations are so... flippant and casual and even funny, and it kind of takes away the blow because he makes the most intense possible feelings sound completely casual. it's like breathing for him

and i genuinely don't even think it's a defense mechanism to hide his vulnerability or something, i think it's just that it really is natural for him. we saw what he's like when he's trying to hide his vulnerability when he was talking to zahra before they got together. he'd turn away, deflect with jokes, pretend to be fine when he wasn't. actually, he did it with sean too, when craig was trying to hide from him that he didn't get drafted

but this stuff? this is second nature. he is just perfectly comfortable saying that he would protect sean with his life, and that is that. i don't even think he sees it as particularly insane to say or anything. it's just a fact. and so sean kind of has no choice but to accept it because craig makes it sound so normal. he's not hiding that he's helping and protecting him, quite the opposite; but he makes it sound so natural and casual i don't think sean even realizes the extent of what craig is saying at first

and idk i just love their relationship because it's like. sean has always given and given and given to everyone and never allowed himself to take. and craig WANTS him to take. he wants to give back to sean all the care and devotion sean has been giving everyone else his whole life. sean can't really allow himself to accept that, but the one who comes closest to making sean comfortable enough to let himself be imperfect is undoubtedly craig. craig feels like he's stupid and can't express himself right but it's precisely the way he does it that makes it work with both sean and zahra. sean and craig both see themselves as people whose inherent value is in their ability to help others. they both feel like they're not good enough for them. neither of them wants the other to keep defining himself by this metric, but neither know how to make it stop other than by trying to care for the other as much as possible. at the same time, neither can imagine a future without the other. craig probably feels like he's letting sean down by not getting drafted, because sean is clearly so sure that craig will, has a whole future together planned for them. craig probably feels that he won't be able to repay sean anymore. sean doesn't even realize how badly craig wants to care for him. sean is so confident in craig's abilities and so set on his me-and-craig-living-the-dream-side-by-side fantasy that he completely fails to see the obvious signs that craig did not get the draft. they understand each other but they also clash because both want to be the one who's only giving and not receiving. but at the same time they somehow fit because they can allow the other to give in ways they can't allow others. who's screaming

#playchoices #im pretty sure this is only like 60% coherent and that ill be embarrassed by it tomorrow #but for today yolo #might make a decent polished version of this later. idk im in my insane era #endless summer #es #sean gayle #craig hsiao #craigsean #meta

[krushkreates]

some post-inversion david x angel bc i like hurting and making yall hurt with me

tw/cw: post inversion, mental breakdown, ptsd, anxiety, night terrors- it’s a wild and long ride for this one.

INVERSION AND POST-INVERSION SPOILERS

—

angels been david’s pillar after the inversion. and honestly? i felt that. anyways, since david’s got a small security job, angel has the house to themselves for the day. it’s quiet. they’ve taken a nap, done laundry, cleaned, even made some food. they get a phone call from their best friend. it’s all fine and dandy. they know david’s been involved in an attack (or the inversion if they’re an empowered person) and that it’s been a rough time to say the least. they both go silent for a moment before they ask “angel, how are you actually doing?” and the floodgates open. angel confesses through these heaving sobs that they don’t sleep at night because david wakes up. sometimes he’s screaming, sometimes he’s half-shifted. sometimes he’s thrashing and growling. then the crying hits for hours and the suns up by then so there’s no point in going back to sleep because angel has work in an hour. they take a nap on their “lunch” that’s really maybe 15 minutes long so they’ve got 5 minutes to shovel in something so they don’t pass out. if they’re lucky they sleep in the car for 30 minutes once a week. their phone is always on the charge because they’re so scared they’ll get that call again that somethings happened and won’t know if he’s okay or god forbid even alive. the only times they really fully shower now are when he does because he doesn’t feel safe being alone and he’s usually needing to be under warm water. the therapist said it’s a good way of feeling safe so that’s what they do. angel doesn’t remember the last time their muscles fully relaxed or their head wasn’t hurting or part of their shirt wasn’t wet from tears. through all of this, they never once blame david. but they’re so tired and angels curled into themselves, shoulders shaking and eyes watering.

it’s so hard to be someone’s support when you yourself feel like you’re crumbling but what good is it to complain when you weren’t in the ward? you weren’t in there so your needs don’t matter? the front door opened about 10 minutes ago and while every fiber of david’s being is screaming at him to go comfort his mate, he stays, partially hidden by the wall that separates the front door and hallway from the kitchen. it’s a rare moment to hear angel genuinely express what’s been on their mind about all of this. he’s told them time and time again that his trauma doesnt mean they weren’t affected. now angels apologizing to the other person on the line but it’s just so damn hard because “i don’t remember the last time i got a full nights sleep or actually let myself cry and i don’t remember to take my fucking meds anymore because i have to make sure he does because i’m so scared that i’m gonna lose him to the aftermath.” it’s silent in the house and angels wiping their tears and apologizing again and shakily laughs at something the other person said. i’ll be alright, they reassure them. i love you and i’ll talk to you soon okay?

he takes that as his cue to start walking but all he can think of is how hurt they are. he takes a glance at their wide and bloodshot eyes and finally notices how dark the rings are and when did they lose that much weight and they’ve put the mask back on, asking him about his day and how the job went. he holds them so tight and apologies fall so fast out of his mouth and now they’re crying again and he’s fighting back tears but the therapist said that holding in emotions is bad so now they’re both crying on the kitchen floor. he’s hurting and they’re hurting and he’s hurting because they’re hurting for him. they know angel’s prone to anxiety but when you’re fighting for your life in your mind, you get tunnel vision. he notes that they never once blamed him. no accusatory fingers, no clipped tones of vehemence, no sagging shoulders when he asks them to come back to bed for a minute, no dry attitude if he comes home from the office early in tears. no stiff shoulders when he’s hugging them. none of that. always warm, soft, and caring. healing.

the kitchen tile is cold through his jeans and angel’s gripping his shirt the way he did the first month after. how animalistic emotions make a person. he’s sorry and they’re sorry and while wounds don’t heal proportionally to time, they heal eventually. they always do

#ahaha FUCK #redacted asmr #redacted fics #redacted david #redacted angel #angst #inversion #post-inversion #half and half writing

[fetchargbts]

Happy one year deathday to fetch!!!! How do you think things would've gone if we voted to let fetch live?

Oh man this is quite a few days late LMFAO. in my defense i do not get nottifs for this blog. Also youve just unleashed a beast by asking this hope youre ready <3

So, first fun fact! We actually had an entire divergent setup for if fetch lived, and an alterbate confrontation with baroness if he died before that.

First up, if fetch died before being able to confront baroness (we didnt know when wed have that confrontation just yet ao we wanted to cover all our bases) it would have been Maitake threatening Baroness with the gasoline as well as her mustard gas (as a mooshroom hybrid she produces Toxins and Spores she can weaponize).

If fetch lived, he would have been in the mansion when it went up in flames. Instead of Mona and King leaving on their own, they would have run into Fetch, and they would have had an altercation that ended in fetch finding out that mona is a shifter (friendly reminder that he didnt know that the entire time theyve been friends, which went back to early high school :])

Instead of jumping out the window, he decides its safer to climb the roof so the other hunters can find him easier and get him down. Knights room was on the second floor, and he was already pushing it with his (gestures at him) condition. and he didnt want to break his legs or something

There was this whole speech i had planned where he stares at the commotion of doomsday on the roof and have a Big Badass Monologue but alas 😔

He also would have been there for crown's exorcism, he was the one to tackle crown and hold him down while they got ready rather than corpse. Also this bit that canonized his polyamory with corpse and koko :3

(Full disclosure: fetch got with koko 2 weeks after coming to HQ because koko found him super interesting and endearing, and corpse later got attatched to him since he was the main one taking care of him in the med ward and they bonded heavily over Chronic Pain And Illnesses)

Fetch would have gone on to be a top operator in the Lotus branch, with plenty of good company to keep him happy. He had a dog, 2 boyfriends, and a myriad of friends at HQ, and the hunters provided him with the safety and stability he'd been looking for the entire time. Despite his nightmares and trauma and bad memories, if he lived he would have been happy

Corpse and Koko still mourn him together. Maitake still keeps bacon bits in the cupboard. Kassidy (who yall never got to see whcih is aCRIME because i love her and she was also one of fetch's besties) still paints some of her nails black because it was his favorite look on her. He may have not been there for a long time, but his absence is very very felt at HQ.

Anyway that for sad heres koko informing tge mcdonalds employee that fetch corpse and kassidy ask for no pickle

(Not real height difference bc it was a meme andni didnt care, fetch is the shortest but corose actually is that tall lmfao)

#asks #trivia #fetch #dreamon hunters #on that note i do have lots of thoughts abt the dreamon hunters too #like they werent explored a lot and that was on purpose due the nature of the story #but i tgink abt them a lottttt

[indigayghost]

1, 3, 14 and 16

1. what disability/ies do you have? (and are they mental, physical, or both?)

Autism & adhd (also like anxiety/depression I don't know if those countashahaj), chronic pain due to crocheting very hard + fibromyalgia + something autoimmune probably (I'm going to the doctor tomorrow)

3. what, if any, disability aids do you use? (mobility aids, sensory aids, braces, communicative devices, IVs, etc. meds also count here). do you customize them/their containers/outsides?

I take lots of meds for depression/anxiety, adhd and fm but like I won't try to translate their names I'm sorry agshsjs and also lots of painkillers and I have a cute pink container for them and the extra boxes I put in a cute cookie tin! (also funny story I stopped writing this to go take my night meds and I LOST THE CONTAINER I had to search the whole house I wasn't finding it anywhere and then it was with my nail things that I used in the morning :/

Sometimes when I'm nonverbal I use an text to speech app, sunglasses for eye sensitivity, ear mufflers, lots of sensory toys! Wrist and arm braces, hot bags for The Pain™ and I'm starting to use a wheelchair when I'm outside

Also i bought a thingie to put in the hairdryer so I don't need to hold it because it hurts I'm counting that as a mobility aid

Something I don't have but it would be so so so helpful is a shower chair because my blood pressure is very low and I faint like 8 out of 10 showers haha

I'm counting the little salt bags as a disability aid too sue me if you will but these things saved me more times than I can count

14. has there ever been a time where you felt solidarity/community with another disabled person in a situation with you?

Oh yeah! There was this time in the train that I was seated in the preferential seat and a woman started to scream with me that I shouldn't be there and then the guy seating next to me was like HE'S AUTISTIC IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT FUCKING LEAVE and I was like thank you 😭 and he said it's fine I'm *insert here another invisible disability I don't remember sorry kind train man* we got to have our backs and I was like yeah!

Also my cousins fiancé is disabled and everytime we're in a family dinner or something there's always one moment someone say something so dumb and we look at each other with so much understanding it's funny

And also obviously all the times I talk about an issue here there's always so many kind comment and helpful advice ❤️ to my disabled moots yall are awesome and you helped me understand and validate my experiences so so much I love you all

16. free space to talk about whatever disability issue or experience you want !

Uuuugh I'm so bad at free spaces!!!! I don't know what to saaaaaaaaay

Well I think like, my journey of accepting my disabilities is just beginning actually

Growing up autistic (and specially afab, autistic and fat) makes it very very hard for you to listen to your body and needs. Everytime I said something was wrong or that I didn't felt right people said it was nothing or that I was being a crybaby and it wasn't as bad as I was making it or that it was my fault because I was fat, so I'm still very bad at telling like how much pain I'm in and stopping doing something before it hurts me, but I'm learning and everyday I get a little bit better at stepping up for myself and my needs so that's cool!

I love how I found in the wwdits fandom not only other crazy people to scream with me because of gay vampires but also a really kind community full of disabled folks that make me feel so validated and free and looked out for so yeah I love you guys 💖

#disability

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

Hey there! In honor of Thanksgiving in the states, can you tell us three things your MC is grateful for this year? What about their LI?

And if you want to tell us three things your thankful for too, go for it!

ooh ty for this ask!! (this got really long whoops)

Jensen:

The opportunities he's had in his career. Jensen came from as close to nothing as you can get, and the fact that he's made it so far is something he's incredibly grateful for (even if he doubts it here and there). The support system he's gained from his career as well as the expansion of his knowledge and education are things he never fathomed having before. He was so focused on surviving for so long he didn't think he could ever have anything extra or more, and now that he does, he couldn't imagine living without it.

Bryce of course. Jensen has a running list of poor decisions, many of his ex-partners on it, but Bryce is genuinely so different to anyone he's ever been with. Sure, in the beginning Jensen didn't think it would be that way, but after Bryce's initial,, yk,, being Bryce, it was very clear how much he cares. He listens, and is genuinely interested and invested in Jensen and what he finds important. He's always there with support whenever Jensen needs it, but he's also there just to make him laugh, too. Jensen is so grateful that Bryce is a part of his life, and that Bryce reciprocates it just as much.

The friend group. He's thankful that he's found a solid group of people who care about him and share similar interests. They're in it forever, and whether it be a celebration or the opposite, they're going to be there for each other. They're fun and entertaining but they know when to take things seriously. They share the same sense of humor, make fun of each other in a loving way, and would defend each other at any opportunity. Not only is he thankful that they're all in his life, he's thankful he gets to be a part of theirs, too.

Bryce:

How well he's done for himself since moving away from his parents. He had to figure out how to live, support himself, put himself through med school, and manage a new career without any support or advice. But guess what? He did it. He may bullshit and be cocky about his self confidence, but he's genuinely proud of himself for how far he's come and knows it wasn't easy. He's thankful that he was able to thrive despite conditions that were most certainly against it.

His family. The one he's made for himself, with Keiki, Jensen, and the pets. They're people he chooses to have in his life and (most of the time) they make it so much better. They can all be a pain in his ass here and there, but he knows they'd never do anything to intentionally hurt him.

Also the friend group. Bryce has learned a lot since being around them, and he's grateful they've given him the opportunity to grow and prove himself as a supportive friend. Though he's not as close as the roomies, he's thankful they include him as closely as anyone else. They're genuinely good people, and they push him to be better, but they're always there for him to fall back on if he needs it. If he needs anything, he knows he could go to any one of them and they would help without question or hesitation.

Me :)

ngl this fandom. i was in a really bad slump for a few months, uninterested in a lot of things i used to love and isolating myself because of it. but then i started interacting here, and it took barely any time at all for yall to welcome me in. this space is genuinely so important for me, and i thank all of you for being so kind

my family. weve all started working on ourselves a little more and things are becoming much more enjoyable, so ive actually been looking forward to the holiday season this year :)

just some of the people ive met this year. theres a handful of them that have changed my perception drastically, and even if they dont know it, im very thankful that theyve become a part of my life and routine

#growing up we'd have to say three things we were all thankful for before we could go to bed so i was Ready for this #anyway ty this one was cute!! #jensen valentine #open heart #open heart mc #bryce lahela #asks answers #open heart choices #bryce lahela × jensen valentine #keiki lahela #the roomies #personal

[gojos-thot-patrol]

Hi, I was interested in doing your ask game if you're still doing it!

I'm a Sagittarius and INTJ (that occasionally types as an ENTJ) currently studying Human Biology at college in hopes of going to med school (wanna be a surgeon!). I've been frequently told by others (so much that it's getting kinda weird) that I always seem confident in everything I do and seem so calm and collected even in the most stressful situations. My friends told me when they first met me they were a bit scared to talk to me cuz of my rbf (and the fact I don't really start conversations) but were surprised to see how actually nice I was when they actually got to know me. When I'm with friends I'm much happier and loud, and my closest friend knows how energetic and chaotic I could be lol. I tend to be quiet but I'm painfully blunt when asked for an answer or opinion on something. I love learning new things and can spend hours just trying to fully understand a new concept that interests me. I'm a fast learner especially when it comes down to something hands on like labs and sports. When I'm not stuck in the library studying for classes I really enjoy doing something sporty like running, skiing or badmin. A bit of a thrillseeker at times (love rollercoasters, making bets, taking on anything that seems challenging, and my friends and I always engage in friendly competition). Aside from science, I love all sorts of art, I used to dance for years and also was in band and I still enjoy playing piano and flute (learning guitar rn), reading, drawing, and writing. Sorry if I wrote too much, it's the first time I'm doing something like this 😅

*Aggressively taking notes* Seemingly confident you say, maybe even a little intimidating? ✏️✏️✏️ mhmm, mhmm, and you say your rbf can be off putting, but really you're a sweet ball of chaos? mhmm ✏️✏️✏️Oh, and you're really sporty? fascinating ✏️✏️✏️ "A bit of a thrillseeker at times" ✏️✏️✏️✏️✏️✏️✏️ yep, mhmm, okay I've run on the test, and well

I diagnose you with Sukunas Girl. Welcome to the club bestie 💙💙

If anyone is going to scratch that thrill seeking itch, it's our boy. And I know that your hard exterior and confidence would pull him in like a cartoon character being drawn to a freshly baked pie on a window sill. I also think it's incredibly sweet to imagine him watching you draw over your shoulder cause he's so enthralled by the process of you creating art, even if you hate it when he does it.

FOR HALLOWEEN YALL SHOULD DRESS UP AS OFF-BRAND CREEPYPASTAS!

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #ryomen sukuna #jjk ship game #thots on patrol

[devolawrites]

I originally posted this on Twitter, and tbh I'll probably get the worst cringe in a day and delete the thread and this as well but I need people who have commissioned fics from me or at least know my writing to know what the actual mcfuck has been going on with me lately.

Re: status of my fic comms right now.

It's not that I haven't been honest with people, I have been, but probably not as honest bc I haven't been too honest with myself either? I am working on them. They will be finished. I guarantee that. But... I have very high expectations for myself. Ones that are, most likely, unrealistic. I am genuinely running on fucking empty right now and have been for the better part of six months now. Not that I was much better beforehand but it's been the worst in the past 6 months.

I'm very open and honest about being physically ill with fibromyalgia and endometriosis. Chronic migraines. Asthma. Spinal issues and the like. I also have bipolar disorder, ADHD, OCD, C-PTSD and, while not diagnosed, am likely touched by the tism as well. As such, I take (or I should say am supposed to take) a lot of meds daily. I haven't been able to take them bc I've been getting violently ill immediately after taking them and no one can figure out why! I also work full time and have been attempting to finish my masters.

That, right there, is baseline 'what the fuck mary take some time to yourself' but, lol. lmao, even. Then my life fell apart in March. How so?

In the span of one week: someone I considered a family member passed away. I finally allowed myself to be open to someone about how I felt after two horribly abusive situations only to get the kindest, gentlest thing ever said to me while also being turned down INTENSELY. And then found out not even 10 minutes after said FAMILY-ZONED (not even friend zoned FAMILY ZONED do you know how weird it is to tell someone you have feelings for them only to get told 'oh i see you like a sister i've never had' and just wanna die) that your best friend died.

Via fucking Facebook message.

And then that week also be the one year anniversary of my Nana's death which I'm sure still was malpractice but we'll never know for sure and I'm still bitter about it. Needless to say, I spiraled. Very badly.

I was already stressed from paying for fixing my car and finding myself needing the extra money from comms more and more and piling on more work on myself bc lmao bills and making my back log even worse and now I felt horrifically alone and vulnerable and embarrassed. And, to be sure, I still did put work out. But I also struggled with a lot of comms that I genuinely had been excited to take on only to find myself just... unable to do them. For one reason or another. Writers block? Feeling like it wasn't meeting expectations?

I'd ask other writers for help. For suggestions. For feedback. For other angles to approach shit. And I got fantastic advice. And still, nothing budged. I literally had burnt myself out and was still trying to run on empty. On fucking fumes. And I still am. And, I'll be honest, it also did sorta sting when I'd finally get work posted and then I'd just... idk. Feel like it flopped. Either with the person who comm'd it or with people in general and that's bc of how Twitter's algorithm hates creators but it's hard to not internalize.

And it made wanting to write and wanting to work on things so much harder because it became less and less about wanting to do something I genuinely enjoy and wanting to smush yalls Barbies around and felt like an obligation with no reward. And that's not yalls fault, truly. But I internalize that shit really hard and take it as a 'you're not doing this right, no wonder people would prefer others write shit and not you, you can't keep up the schedule you made for yourself.' Which is why my timeline even changed in March.

I tried to make a more realistic turnaround time, with the same disclaimers. I even mentioned to people that they'd be on a WAITLIST. And I still feel like I'm not working fast enough. Not because of any pressure from those who have paid. But my own brain. And it sucks.

Because it's making me spiral and making it even worse and it's a snake eating its own tail because if I can just get out of this fucking cycle of doubting myself and feeling like it's not gonna be worth it, I can conquer this shit. I owe so many people so much and I just... I feel horrible. I know that I should refund like, most if not all of you at this point. I just haven't had the funds to be able to do that, tbfh. I only just was able to get caught up on bills these past 2-3 checks. And if you want a refund, please, tell me! I'll do it!

But I think once this batch I have currently listed on Trello is completed, I'm closing comms for a good fucking long while. And learning how to actually enjoy my writing again. Because right now, I don't. I don't enjoy sharing my work and getting no boosts. No comments. Kudos are nice, don't get me wrong, and I love every single kudos that I get, when I get them. But it's hard to not let the self doubt and self critique fester. And again, this is not any of yalls fault. It's my own. And I don't know how to fix it, tbh.

So, once these comms are up, it's gonna just. Stop. I'll probably work on my own stuff, but I didn't even do any of the ship week content that I wanted to do (wolchefant, wolcred, wolmeric OR wolstinien) because I didn't want to upset those who I owed work to.

So, that's the state of me as a fic writer right now. It's more theory than practice, at this point, and I'm just... I'm trying, I really am. I have so many drafts in my google docs right now and I hate everything I've written so much that I'm starting from scratch every time.

Which is why the Trello has, for the most part, stood still. I'm not blowing you guys off. I just genuinely have nothing to show. And I'm sorry.

#literally crying writing this bc i hate feeling like a disappointment and a failure #but i am!!! i am letting people down and it sucks!!!

[babygirljulianbashir]

just saw a commercial for advil that was like

BEFORE ADVIL: *guy cant lift his suitcase because hes in too much pain*

AFTER ADVIL: *guy can lift the suitcase now*

and i just want yall to know that if this is you you may be making your injuries worse.

pain meds are great! they allow people to have better lived experiences and make it so that they can exist with less suffering.

pain medication can make your condition worse, specifically if your pain is due to a musculoskeletal injury. not because it is directly making it worse but because when your pain is gone you can move in ways that strain the injury. pain exists for a reason (usually - idiopathic and other types of chronic pain are a thing). its your body telling you “hey! stop! when you do that thing it hurts our injury more! stop moving that way! im trying to fix it!”

this isnt me saying dont take pain meds when youre injured though i tend to hold back personally for myself. this is me saying if you roll your ankle, sprain your wrist, pull your back, etc and you take pain meds for it and suddenly the pain is gone and you feel better DO NOT CONTINUE TO MOVE IN WAYS THAT WOULD PREVIOUSLY HAVE CAUSED YOU PAIN. that is how you potentially make the problem worse.

just because it doesnt hurt anymore doesnt mean you arent still injured and still need time to heal. pain usually is telling you something. when you take pain meds its just turning off the fire alarm because you know what the issue is. do not ignore the fire because youve muted the alarm.

ofc there are socioeconomic and sociopolitical situations and dynamics that impact whether youre actually able to rest or treat an injury and sometimes pain meds are all you have. that doesnt mean that you shouldnt be aware of the potential consequences.

the commercial was encouraging something that could be dangerous and its genuinely predatory. if you see this commercial think about the potential consequences of continuing to use and injured body part and ask yourself if thats a consequence youre willing to face.

anyway take meds responsibly yall

#nsaid #pain medication #injuries

[diamondedqe]

bro he is simply vibing

#this- of course- is about jihoon just sitting on my header #idk why but i love the concept its spectacular #hes watching u all #SJDHGFSKJDHFKJSDHF no but it was time for a Change and fallin flower photos looked nice #i actually like this pic of hao more than all the other concept ones? like even more than the flower one which is wack #something just looks off in the flower concept photo for him idk what it is but it doesn't look right n it irks me #anyways tho!!!!!!!! i had my last theme since like what ??? october? #yeah beginning of oct i remember that bc i made it the DAY i saw that cute hao photo lmaooo #anyways tho yeah hi is me #sorry for not being active but i say that all the time ;;;; ill probably gif the next if 17 bc hoonhao are in it sjdfjkhsdfkj #sorry for being a bad carat but i just have 0 motivation rn idk what to tell yall #anyways tho ! im not sure anyone'll read this but i typed it all out anyways lmao #hope youre all doing well! im almost at 800 so i hope all 79x of you are doin alright ^^ #i hope you have a good night/day !! remember to drink water n take your meds n vitamins if you havent already <3 #holly.txt

[threepointseven]

Could you please do Venti, Scaramouche, and Kaeya with an s/o that has ADHD? Listening to their s/o ramble about any hyperfixations they have, helping them out when they're having a bad day, just pure fluffy supportive partner content. :)

You Have ADHD

Type- HC’s 🌷

Flowers included!🌼= venti x gn! Reader, scaramouche x gn! Reader, kaeya x gn! Reader

Note🍀=IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AAAA ! FORGIVE ME PLSSS/// i really liked writing this though since i also have adhd! Hope u enjoy😋

Genshin masterlist

💐Your bouquet has been delivered <3💐

Venti

- He completely gets it. He’s dealt with smth similar to adhd before so he completely gets the sudden spikes of energy, the 24/7 fidgeting, the being obsessed with 1 thing for like a month and then moving onto another thing to be obsessed with

- Yeah he gets it. When you first started dating he had already noticed those little quirks of yours, so when you confessed to him you did in fact have adhd he wasnt all that surprised

- he loves listening to your obsessions and you rambling about a trinket you got or a weird collection you have in your room

- He welcomes it all!! Whenever you get nervous he makes sure to try and calm you down and gives you something to distract yourself with, he lets you play with his hands his fingers, really anything to keep you calm and steady.

- He actually has sudden spikes of energy as well so yall are twins rlly-

- Whenever you have a sudden rise in energy he also has one too its like???

“Venti… venti!! Are you sleepy?? Cause im not!”

“Im not sleepy either?! What should we do??”

Scaramouche

- HE IS SO MEAN ABOUT IT AT FIRST☹️ LIKE HE DOESNT KNOW ITS ADHD AND HE THINKS UR JUST SUPER IDIOTIC AT FIRST AN JUST NATURALLY A PAIN IN THE ASS 🤕🤕🤕

- He used to make fun of you-

- Childe is the one who has to tell him that he’s being a jerk and that its cause you have adhd 💀 FEELS VERY BAD AFTER.

- Instead of a sorry you get his undying support 😍 (indirect support hes too much of a drag to be a normal supportive boyf🙄)

- Despite his cold expression he listens to your random ass rambles all the way through. Making sure he remembers every single detail about it, be it a new hobby or your collection of weird trinkets

- He sees you get so panicky sometimes and you tend to go to the restroom to try and calm down so he discreetly puts things he knows will calm you down on your office table. Like a thing to play with to distract yourself or something to bite on that isnt your nails-

- during the moments when your depressed he cant comfort anyone that much but he tries his best for you. His skinship is a huge leap more than before and you notice how soft and gentle his voice is.

- Your sudden energy spikes annoys him a bunch but he tries his best not to burn the whole house down when you suddenly start movinf around on the bed because you cant sleep <3

Kaeya

- Doesnt understand it at first but pretends he does 💕💕

- During breaks he adores listening to your chatter with a smile on his face, he tends to ask questions too to prove he’s actually listening

- When you tell him you take meds for it he becomes completely responsible for reminding you to take them and keeping them. He’s worried you might forget and he knows that its a serious thing.

- If genuinely don’t want to take your meds he’ll ask you if your sure, if you say yes you’ll just stop taking meds😍

- He thinks its kinda adorable how you start hyper fixating on something random for over an hour than get distracted and forget what you were talking about-

- He tries to be as helpful as he can during his freetime. Buying you things to fidget with for when your nervous, helping you remember stuff, calming you down, really anything!

- during days where your incredibly depressed he drops everything for the sake of taking care of you. He’ll be extra flirty to try and cheer you up and he’ll get you sweets to chomp on when your crying

- It bugs him a bit when your suddenly super hyper in the middle of the night but he tries his best to cuddle you back to sleep when he’s literally barely awake

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin imagines #genshin scaramouche x reader #scaramouche genshin impact #scaramouche x y/n #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x reader #genshin venti x reader #venti x you #venti x reader #venti x y/n #genshin kaeya x reader #kaeya x y/n #kaeya x you #kaeya x gender neutral reader #kaeya x reader