How to lose a secret
Ch. 5 Life as you know is coming to and end, as your secret is dangerously close to be revealed for good. [Masterlist]
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As soon as you get off your horse, you know something is wrong.
Guards are waiting for you at the stable, which is definitely odd.
"How can I help you?" you ask politely, forcing yourself to smile.
"You must follow us", they answer. "The King and Queen require your presence at once".
Something is definitely wrong. "Just... let me stop by my rooms. I can't meet the King and Queen in this state".
You're dusty and sweaty for the ride, but the truth is that you are trying to buy some time. While you get cleaned, and the guards are waiting outside your door, you think and think, but your mind seems to have stopped working. You are still overwhelmed with what happened on the hill, but you didn't expect guards to come after you so soon. Also, they are First Army soldiers. Is the Darkling already here? Has he sold you out, yet?
You need to calm down.
So, you dress for battle. You put on your best garment. You braid your hair tightly.
Then you present yourself to the guards, and they lead you to the royal quarters, not so far away from your own. They shove you in, unannounced, and you almost stumble on your way in.
You disguise your loss of balance with a pretty curtsy, just as you should, but when you rise, your see the Darkling looking back at you.
"What is he doing here?" You cannot help yourself. He's right there, next to the King and Queen, in front of you. What you really mean is, "you traitor", but he doesn't even flinch. He just stares at you, emotionless, and that makes you so angry. It almost hurts, a little. But maybe that hard face means that he has nothing to do with all of this.
"You forget your manners", the Queen says. Of course.
"Forgive me, your Majesty". You look down and say nothing more, but you clench your fists, hard.
"The General has been summoned to help with this matter". As King Piotr speaks, you immediately realize that the matter is you.
The Queen continues. "We heard rumors."
You feel your heart missing a beat. "What rumors, your Majesty?"
"About you, cousin. Stories were collected from that village in the moorland, where your mother insists on living".
"You... investigated on me?"
"Just a precaution. You lived quite a retired life, cousin. I needed to know something more about you, before making any matches"
You know what's coming, but you can't stop it, and you wait there, listening. Your eyes shift to the side and you catch a glimpse of the Darkling. He's there, listening, pretending he's not that interested, once more. But he drinks on every word.
"Some people swear you spent almost every night in the woods".
You wonder how you'll get away with it, this time. You feel trapped.
"You don't deny it?". The Queen insists, since you say nothing.
"I'm quite the sleepwalker, moya tsaritsa", you answer. Half a truth, as always, the wisest choice, but maybe not now.
"This is not simple sleepwalking". The King sounds enraged, and you wince. "There are tales of strange things happening in those woods. Flashes. White lights. Some people told they saw your skin glistening."
All those years, you never realized you were spied on, or at least that somebody had seen you. You had been a naive little girl, playing with your secret. Tears are burning in your throat, but you swallow them. You are not giving any of them this satisfaction.
"Were you tested, as a child?" the King asks.
"Like everybody", you whisper, and the royal couple should know well enough what that means. Royal children were rarely tested. It was all a farce. Any Grisha in the royal family would have been quite difficult to handle, if not an embarassment, so their power were suppressed, or kept hidden. And there you were.
You don't know if the Darkling is aware of that, but he places a claw-shaped ring on his right thumb, then takes a steps towards you.
"You arm, please".
You suddenly realize that he's been keeping your secret. He told nothing to the tsar and he's not telling it now. He could easily reveal the truth, it would be a matter of seconds anyway.
But he's not betraying you.
The fact that he places his hand on your sleeve confirms it. He knows what happens, when he touches your skin.
You look at each other in the eye, while he pierces your forearm with his ring, and you don't stop looking, not even when a glistening, ethereal white light emerges from the wound. It's a melancholy light, the one that slips on your bedpost when you lie awake while the whole world drifts away in slumber. There is a long pause before the King asks: "Is that it? Is she the Sun Summoner?"
"No". The Darkling replies. He's still looking at you. He seems he'll never stop looking. "It's not the Sun".
You finally speak. "It's the Moon".
He breaks the spell, lifting the ring from your arm, but he doesn't really let go. Not yet. His hand lingers on you skin for a moment, while he gives you the faintest smile.
You should be desperate, but somehow you feel relieved. There's a freedom that comes with truth, even with the hardest one. Even if it means sacrificing everything that you were before.
The King has no time for sentimentality. "So? Can we use her?"
"Excuse me!?" You cannot believe your ears. The Darkling is still holding you and you abruptly lower your arm, breaking any connection with him that was left. "Use me for what?!"
The King ignores you. "Will she tear down the Fold, or not?"
You are in disbelief. There are a million answers you can think of, and not even a polite one. The Darkling too is about to speak, with a grave look on his face and probably a rehearsed reply. But the Queen precedes both of you.
"Patience, my dear husband" She manages to gracefully smile, somehow. "She is family. This must be handled with... discretion".
"Yes. It is necessary". The King looks at you like a strange creature. "The fact that you hid this power from us, under our own roof, it's more than a lack of respect. This is high treason. It is unacceptable".
You are quite sure they won't execute you, if you are so useful as you seem to be, but still a mixture of fear and rage takes over your mind. It is too late, now, for pleasantries, and you just snap.
"This... power, it is mine to give" you roar. "It is not a weapon, nor a tool, and it is not yours! And if you want it, you could have asked nicely, moy tsar".
"How DARE you-"
Just then the Darkling intervenes.
"She will move to the Little Palace at once. It's the safest place for her, and discretion is guaranteed".
You turn to him, eyes wide. "I'm just over here, thank you for asking".
"Oh, no one is asking you, cousin". The Queen articulates her words like you were a small child. "You kept a dangerous secret, and we are not going to investigate it further, as it turns out to be quite precious to our country. And you want what's best for the country, don't you, dove?"
"Naturally", you reply, grudgingly.
"You will be doing as you're told", the King concludes. "We will ask for weekly reports on this matter". That word, again. That's what you are.
The General bows his head. "That will be done, moy tsar".
The King gives you a last glance, then says: "You are dismissed".
You follow the General outside. There's no one else with you, and you expect him to turn and talk, maybe to gloat for entrapping you at last. Instead he walks in silence.
You break the silence first. "Did you tell them?" You want to hear from him.
"I told them nothing", he replies. "It appears it was just good timing. Or bad timing, as you wish".
"You must be pleased", you mutter.
"And why should I be?" He finally stops and turns to you. "Your own family didn't hesitate to sell you to me. Because that's what we are, to them: weapons. Precious commodities, as long as they have a use for us. I'll never be pleased to witness such trade".
That was unexpected. His words are overwhelming, and tears come back in your throat. By the time you have swallowed them down, he has started walking again.
"I'm not a fighter", you say, following him.
He glances over his shoulder. "Are you sure?"
"I'm no soldier and I'll never be".
"You don't need to be a soldier".
He keeps leading the way, but you hate to stay behind. So you speed up, until the two of you walk side by side.
As he turns your head to you, you whisper: "Better get used to it."
You keep your eyes in front of you, and don't see his bright smile.
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