#Soulmate September 2020 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

55szn · 11 days

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always and forever - cs55

carlos sainz x fem!reader smau

summary an instagram timeline of carlos and yn’s 8 years long relationship warnings too much fluff fc dua lipa taglist @jaydaaasworld notes i have more requests to get to but i’ve had this idea for a while and let’s just say i needed to write some carlitos fluff🥲

INSTAGRAM

carlossainz55

liked by pierregasly, yourusername and 10.302 others

carlossainz55 Always a good time with this one 😜❤️

tagged yourusername

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yourusername t quiero Carlitosss (love you)

carlossainz55 te quiero más ynnnn (love you more)

user scrolled all the way down to carlos first post and of couse it’s yn

user he’s always been so in love with her is so cute

user so pretty

april 20, 2016

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, yourbsf and 4.291 others

yourusername Feliz cumpleaños a mi persona favorita 💕😘 #birthdayboy (Happy birthday to my favorite person)

tagged carlossainz55

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carlossainz55 muchas gracias preciosa 💓😘 thank u so much beautiful

yourusername por muchos más cumpleaños juntos 💘 here’s to many more birthdays together

yourbsf feliz cumpleaños!!

user so we are all just stalking their instagrams after their last post, right?

user how can you not

user and they posted each other sooo often it’s so sweet

user i’ve been a fan of carlos for so long and they’ve ALWAYS been there for each other i love yn

september 1, 2017

carlossainz55

liked by yourusername, fernandoalo_official and 24.289 others carlossainz55 Quick getaway to celebrate two years and counting with my soulmate by my side 🌅❤️

tagged yourusername

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yourusername oh carlitos 🥺

yourusername you sure know how to make a girl swoon

yourusername i’ll love you forever <3

user STAWWWWPP

user his caption and her comments i might die 😣

user they’ve been together for a lifetime oh my god

august 15, 2018

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 12.210 others

yourusername my boy and his new boyfriend 🙄

tagged carlossainz55, landonorris

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landonorris sorry i’m just that charming 💁🏻

yourusername he was mine first 😠

carlossainz55 don’t fight i’ll choose yn anyway

landonorris damn 💔

user bro was so down bad he couldn’t even play along to the joke

user omg i never knew it was yn who posted these iconic carlando pics

user well it makes sense she’s carlando’s no. 1 fan

user supporting her boyfriend’s boyfriend iktr 😌

may 22, 2019

carlossainz55

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 368.291 others

carlossainz55 i would have gone insane without you during this crazy year, feliz año nuevo mi amor😘💘 (happy new year my love)

tagged yourusername

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yourusername gotta admit quarantine sucked a little bit less with you by my side

carlossainz55 just a little? 😏

yourusername okay maybe it didn’t suck at all 🤐

user oh to be carlos a be able to lay on yn all day long

user she looks so cute in the third pic 🥺

user from when they were FINALLY (yn’s words) able to see each other after spending two weeks apart 😭

user most in love mfs i’ve ever seen

december 31, 2020

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari and 15.291 others

yourusername already knew he looked good in red but thanks for the confirmation @ scuderiaferrari 😝

tagged carlossainz55

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carlossainz55 you’re making me blush ☺️

scuderiaferrari you’re more than welcome yn! 😌

user this pic is so sjdiaq

user i don’t want to speak of the things i would do if carlos looked at me like that with those big ass eyes 🫠

user yn is such a lucky girl

user SHE is lucky??!?!? have you seen her??? carlos should be thanking every god above

user i’m pretty sure he does that everyday 😭

march 12, 2021

carlossainz55

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 456.412 others

carlossainz55 guess i’m a tatted man now, i just can’t say no to that face 😶

tagged yourusername

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yourusername you have to admit it’s pretty cute

carlossainz55 whatever you say🫡

user oh my god carlos get up!!

landonorris i don’t think that’s enough ink to call yourself a tatted man mate

yourusername maybe i should make another appointment 🤔

carlossainz55 don’t give her ideas you muppet 🤦🏻

user i didn’t know they had matching tattoos that’s so cute 😭

user sleeping on the highway tonite

october 17, 2022

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, lilymhe and 732.819 others

yourusername how could i say no when my date looked like that? 🤭

tagged carlossainz55

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carlossainz55 can’t wait to spend forever with you mi amor ❤️

maxverstappen1 congratulations you two! 😘😘

carmenmmundt so so thrilled for you both! love you 🫶🏻

yourusername i love you my girl, get ready to try on a loooot of dresses 😅

user EVERYONE remembers where they were when this post dropped

user i remember dropping my phone on my face when i opened instagram

user i cried happy tears, had been waiting for that day for years 🥹

august 15, 2023

carlossainz55

liked by yourusername, georgerussell63 and 3.281.819 others

carlossainz55 can’t believe i finally get to call you my wife. just you and me, always and forever, te amo yn ❤️

tagged yourusername

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yourusername te amo y te amaré por siempre, mi carlitos (i love you and i’ll you forever, my carlitos)

user “mi carlitos” oh god i’m sobbing

landonorris congratulations, you two were made for each other ! 🥰

yourusername your boyfriend is now my husband 😜

landonorris don’t even remind me about it.

charles_leclerc so happy for you two ❤️❤️

user can’t believe i’ve been following carlos since the beggining of their relationship and now they’re married

user omg don’t even talk to me abt it i feel like a proud mother

september 28, 2024

the end

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1dficfests · 4 months

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No Deadlines:

🗓 Larried In Vegas Fic & Art Fest @larriedinvegasficfest (ao3)

🗓 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names @1000feelingsfics (ao3)

🗓 1D Dick Prints & Grey Sweatpants Fest @1dgreysweatpants (ao3)

🗓 Harry Is Louis’ Baby Fic Fest @harryislouisbabyficfest (ao3)

🗓1D Handkerchief Fest @1dhankyfest (ao3)

Coming Soon:

🔔 Zayn's Albums Fic Fest @zaynsalbumsficfest (17th May)

Prompt Submissions:

💡

No Sign-Ups Necessary:

⏳Wankfest @wankersday (due: 28th May)

⏳1D Taylor Swift Fic Fest @1dtaylorswiftficfest (due: 31st July)

⏳1D Watersports Fic Fest @1dwatersportsficfest (due: 30th August)

Sign-Ups:

⌛1D Aro/Ace Fic Fest @1daroaceficfest (until: 1st June)

⌛HL Mpreg Fic Fest @hlmpregficfest (stay open, due: 1st June)

⌛1D Alpha Louis Fest @1dalphalouisfest (stay open, until: 30th June)

⌛Second Time's A Charm Fest @newsecondtimesacharmfest (until: 30th June)

⌛Larry After Dark Fic Fest @larryafterdarkfest (stay open, due: 5th July)

⌛️Top Harry Fic Fest @topharryficfest (until: 19th July)

⌛One Direction Folklore Fest @onedirectionfolklorefest (until: 21st August)

⌛1D I Do Fest @1didofest (stay open, until: 28th September)

⌛Louis Rare Pair Fest @louisrarepairfest (stay open, due: 4th October)

⌛Zouis Fest @zouisfics (stay open, until: 7th October)

Writing:

📝1D Comfort Fic fest @comfortficfest (posting: 16th May)

📝1D Teamwork Fest @1dteamworkfest (due: 31st May)

📝1D Omegaverse Fic Fest @1domegaverseficfest (until: 1st June)

📝1D Astro Fic Fest @1dastroficfest (posting: 24th June)

📝1D Flower Fest @1d-flower-fest (due: 18th August)

📝Bottom Louis Fic Fest @bottomlouisficfest (due: 15th September)

Fics:

📚Zayn's Album Fic Fest @zaynsalbumsficfest (ao3)

📚1D Rom-Com Fic Fest @romcom1dficfest (ao3)

📚1D Soulmate Fest @1dsoulmatefest (ao3)

📚Dirty Thirty Fest @dirtythirtyfest (ao3)

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📚Girl Direction Femslash Festuary @girldirectionfest (ao3)

📚Second Time's A Charm Fest Collection (ao3)

📚Not Just Smut Fic Fest @notjustsmutficfest (ao3)

📚Omega Harry Fest @omegaharryfest (ao3)

📚One Direction Big Bang @onedirectionbigbang (ao3)

📚1D Dystopian Fest @1ddystopianfest (ao3)

2023 | 2022 | 2021 | 2020 | 2019 | 2018 | 2017

Last updated: 13th May 2024

Please let me know if I’m missing something!

#1dficfests #fic fest master list #1dficfests2024

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sissylittlefeather · 3 months

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How the Web Was Woven: Chapter 13

A/N: Woof. This one took me a minute. Also, it's a short bridge-type chapter, but don't worry. Next chapter will be LONG and JUICY. This is just a necessary part of the story. Please don't give up on us! ICYMI this is the soulmate/time travel AU between Elvis and a fem!reader.

Need to catch up? Here's my Masterlist.

Warnings: cussing and angst (a smut-free chapter?! Who am I?! Don't worry. It's coming soon and they will be too 😏)

Word count: ~1.9k

"Why didn't she come for me?"

******

Elvis spends the next few weeks anxiously waiting for you to show up somewhere. It's clear his mind is elsewhere. Everyone around him notices that something is off, but he won't tell anyone what's going on. He just prowls around like a caged animal, nervous and waiting for something that no one understands. He goes back to Memphis before he has to be back in Vegas in August to film his concert documentary. The only thing that gets him out of his room is Lisa Marie. Otherwise, he mopes around or stays inside.

What no one knows is he's grieving. He's pretty sure he's lost you and his son too. The pain almost overwhelms him and he has a hard time living in his real life. He finds solace in music and spends a lot of time at the piano playing a whole catalogue of new songs. His favorite, though, is a song produced by the Beatles' record label, and he eventually asks to record it later that summer. It ends up on his album for the documentary That's the Way It Is and even makes it into a rehearsal scene with him playing it on the piano and singing. For some reason, the song makes him think of you, so he sings it as often as he can.

Even though it begins to look like he's back to himself, the pain of losing you is omnipresent. He resigns himself to the fact that he will likely never see you or his son ever again. As such, he leans into the documentary and even does a photo shoot with Priscilla over Thanksgiving to try to rekindle the affection he feels for her.

But he still feels like part of his soul has gone missing. It's the same old feeling he always has when he's away from you for too long, but this time it settles in his chest and becomes a part of him. 1970 slips into 1971 and he does his best to move on. 1971 slips into 1972 and he throws himself into work and lets his relationship with Priscilla sour. She moves out and he has a hard time even caring, except that she took Lisa Marie and it just twists the dagger of having already lost one child. There are other girls, like there always have been, but they never fill the void that you leave. He has a you-shaped hole in his heart that no amount of sex or romance or even love can fill. 1972 slides by, he films Elvis on Tour, and he plays shows across the United States. He plays Vegas again and then tours again, hoping that by keeping himself busy he'll notice your absence less.

Finally, he prepares for the Aloha from Hawaii concert that will be broadcast across the world. He tries to get back into peak physical shape and does everything he can to throw himself fully into this concert. In the process, he squashes the last hope of you ever showing up again. It's been three years.

You're gone.

******

Covid hits strong in 2020 and your world gets upended. You learn to work from home, host zoom call happy hours with your friends (even though you're pregnant and can't drink), and wear a mask anytime you're in public, which isn't often. In September, you give birth (alone and in a mask) to your daughter and name her Erin Love. She's perfectly healthy and looks so much like her brother you think you've given birth to his twin. And again you weep. Elvis is missing this and you know it'll break him if he ever finds out.

2020 fades into 2021 and you still can't risk going out with a baby. Every time you start to think it might be safe, a new strain or variant shows up and the world cowers in fear again. Vegas opens, but you're terrified, both of traveling and of the possibility of sending Covid back to 1971.

So, you wait. You wait and you wait and you keep waiting until your baby is old enough and the virus seems to slow down. Still, Vegas, with its masses of people, seems too risky. Finally, in December of 2022 you have an idea. You start making plans to head to Hawaii with both kids and your mom in January of 2023. Hawaii is much more secluded and you know exactly where he will be.

When you ask your mom to come with you, she wants to know why. This is going to be a very expensive vacation and she's not sure why you need her. You sit on her couch trying to decide just how much you should tell her. Eventually, you settle on something very close to the truth.

"John is there. We haven't seen each other in three years." You look down at the ring on your finger.

"I was starting to wonder if he still existed."

"I'm not even sure he'll want to see me..." You look at the ceiling to try to stop yourself from crying, but it doesn't work and the tears come sliding down your face.

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sure he does. He loves you."

"I hope so." She pulls you into a hug.

"I will go with you. I'll watch the kids so you two can get reacquainted."

"Thank you, mom."

Once she agrees to go with you, you drop an ungodly amount of money to stay in his suite and pack up both kids to fly to the islands. You decide not to tell John Jessie why you're going, just in case it doesn't work out. He's almost 6 now and he asks about his daddy damn near everyday. Somehow, he remembers him despite the fact that it's been almost 3 years since he's seen him. Erin's too little to ask questions. She doesn't even know she has a daddy, which breaks your heart every time you think about it.

******

After a rehearsal, Elvis heads to his suite to rest. He's 100% invested in what he's doing. But out of nowhere, he thinks of you again. He hums the song he's designated as yours and goes to work changing out of his jumpsuit.

He's got the zipper all the way down when he hears a sound that makes his heart stop. There it is, the old familiar buzzing. He hasn't heard it in so long. He turns slowly, sees the portal, and practically runs through it without thinking about the fact that he has no clothes packed and is wearing a jumpsuit.

******

When Elvis comes through the portal, he stops and stares at you. He's so in shock that he doesn't know how to respond. Your mouth pops open in awe of him standing there in the American Eagle jumpsuit fully unzipped. He looks better than you could've imagined. Obviously, you've seen the footage, but it really didn't do him justice. He zips it back up and gives you a hard stare.

"It's been three fucking years, y/n."

"I know-" You don't get any further though because John Jessie comes bounding into the room. He runs to Elvis and jumps on him. He's supposed to be napping with your mom in one of the bedrooms.

"Daddy! I heard you!" Elvis grabs him and holds him tightly.

"Heyyy buddy, I missed you so much!" You can tell he's trying hard not to cry. You look nervously towards the bedroom. If your mom sees him in this jumpsuit, it'll be impossible to explain.

"Bubby, where's your grandma?"

"She's asleep." You breathe easier and John Jessie turns back to his daddy. He launches into a monologue that only a 5-year-old can follow, but Elvis sits with him on the couch and listens attentively. You stand and watch the scene and Elvis glances at you every once in a while.

After about 15 minutes, you hear Erin cry from the room where she is taking her nap. Elvis looks up at you, shocked.

"Who is that?"

"That's my sister. She's little still." John Jessie answers knowingly. Elvis's head swivels to you so fast.

"Sister?" You nod and duck out of the room to grab Erin before her crying wakes your mom up. When you come back, Elvis looks at both of you and his eyes are shiny with tears. "Is she-?"

"She's yours." He stands up and immediately takes her from you.

"What's her name?"

"Erin Love."

"Love? Like my..." He trails off and looks at her lovingly.

"Yes. Like your mother." He holds her to himself and looks up at the ceiling, trying not to cry. He pulls back and looks at her again while she babbles to him.

"Baby, do you know I'm your daddy?" She looks up at him.

"Daddy?"

"Yes!" She smiles widely and he holds her close to him again. He looks at you incredulously.

"We have another baby."

"Yes, we do." He kisses her cheek and sets her down on the floor, turning to you. His eyes burn through you and he whispers angrily.

"Where the fuck have you been?! We have a daughter?!"

"Please, Elvis, I can explain."

"You better. I'm going to spend the evening with my kids, but you better have a damn good story when they go to bed."

You nod. How will you get him to understand Covid?

******

He changes into some clothes you have for him and helps you put the kids to bed. Despite not knowing the routine, he proves to be pretty helpful. You're amazed at how well John Jessie remembers him. Your mom seems to just know she should make herself scarce through the whole evening and stays in the room. Once you get both kids in bed, you sit on the couch facing him, heart pounding and stomach in knots. He looks at you with a mixture of sadness and anger.

"Tell me why, y/n."

"There is a new virus." You desperately try to explain everything that's happened over the last three years.

"So you couldn't come to me because of a cold virus?"

"Elvis, you don't understand. This was a global pandemic. Everything was closed and people all around the world were dying. They literally shut down Las Vegas."

"I've been other places." He responds, the anger in his voice obvious.

"I know, but I couldn't risk our kids. Or the possibility of you taking this virus back to your time. I finally feel safe here in Hawaii."

"I don't know, y/n, I'm glad you're okay and I'm especially excited to see the kids. But I thought I'd lost you. I buried you in my mind."

"Did you- did you move on?" For the first time, the reality that your marriage to Elvis might be over hits you in the gut and your eyes widen. Elvis isn't sure how to answer. He has a girlfriend, and technically another wife. But he looks at you sitting in front of him and can't help but feel the connection that's bound you together for over fifteen years. He wants to be angry so badly, but really all he is is sad. Sad that he missed the first two and a half years of his daughter's life. Sad that he went so long without all of you. Sad that you almost feel like a stranger now.

You sit on the couch staring at each other waiting for his answer.

******

Come back soon for Chapter 14!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @rosepresley68 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @that-hotdog @eddiesgirlforever @helen06dreamer @returntopresley @rjmartin11 @noirrose21-blog @tacozebra051 @deltafalax

#elvis presley fanfiction #elvis presley #elvis fanfic #elvis presley fic #elvis presley x reader #elvis #elvis x reader #elvis presley x y/n #elvis fic #elvis fanfiction #elvis x y/n #elvis x you #elvis presley fanfic #elvis presley x you #how the web was woven

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soulmateseptember · 9 months

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Soultember 2023

Hello and welcome back to Soulmate September! Firstly, sorry for the delay, it’s been a busy couple of months and I’ve had little time and motivation for any but the bare minimum lately.

Anyway, I’ve done up a quick list and a pretty little graphic for this years prompts.

I’ve gone a little different this year—we've got three soulmate tropes to play with, including a new one that we came up with in one of my Discord chats—and two general prompts that you can pair with the soulmate trope of your choice!

Remember, the prompts are meant to inspire you, you don’t have to fit the letter of the prompt—just create something! If you think it fits, IT FITS!!! (And no one will be policing your work, if they do, block them!)

So, without further ado, here are your Soultember Prompts for 2023!

Text version and further information under the cut

Red String of Fate – everyone is connected to their soulmate/s by a line or thread.

Soul Freckles – everyone has a set of freckles that form a distinctive shape that hints at who their soulmate will be. The trick is interpreting them.

First Words – everyone has the first words their soulmate says to them tattooed on their body.

Fun Holidays – choose a day from this website and combine it with your favourite soulmate trope!

Monet in Paris – this one is inspired by recent visits to the Monet in Paris and Van Gogh Alive exhibitions but it doesn’t have to be Monet or Van Gogh! Use this prompt however it inspires you – an Artist AU, your favourite artist, an art gallery, an artistic quote, colour. Go wild!

Finally, if none of these prompts speak to you, feel free to write from previous years prompts:

2018

2019

2020

2021

2022

Or this list here

#soulmate september #soulmate au #writing prompts #art prompts #soultember

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bridenore · 2 months

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Recs masterlist part two : ongoing fests

I’ve been doing drarry recs posts every week for a while and it’s getting harder and harder to navigate through all theses posts. So here is a masterlist of all the posts I made so far.

Note : the masterlist is now split into three parts. I have apparently reached the maximum number of links you can include in a single post. Part one is here Favorites, authors, themes and length and part three is here Past fests.

Last updated : March 25th 2024 (Added since last update)

Previous update : September 25th 2023

Ongoing Fests (the last edition was held in 2022 or later)

25 days of Harry and Draco : 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2015, 2014

Big Bangs : HD Reverse Bang 2022, HD Big Bang 2021, HD Big Bang 2018

Draco tops Harry : 2023, 2021, 2020, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

HD Erised : 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013

HD Fanfair : 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2010, 2009

HD Fangfest : 2022

HD Kidfic fest : 2024

HD Mpreg : 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

HD Owlpost : 2023, 2022

HD Suds Fest : 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020

HD Wireless : 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017

HP Bodice Ripper Fest : 2023

HP Drizzle : 2023, 2022, 2020, 2019

HP Soulmates : 2023

HP Trans fest : 2023

HP Unleashed : 2023

LCD Drarry : 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019

My Bloody Valentine : 2022, 2021, 2019

#drarry #my recs #drarry recs

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three-drink-amy · 5 months

Text

Thank you for the tag: @rmd-writes @reasonandfaithinharmony @carlos-in-glasses @cha-melodius @alrightbuckaroo @reyesstrand for the tag! Here’s a look back at my year in writing!

January

Aged Like a Fine Wine

E | 103k | 21/21

Older firstprince, Senator Alex, secret dating

Quit Playing Games With My Heart

E | 17k | 1/1

Firstprince, Henry’s POV, roommates, FWB, angst

February

It’s Not About the Awards

E | 7k | 1/1

Firstprince, follow up to Boy, I Fancy You, established relationship

Private Show

E | 2k | 1/1

Firstprince, Stripper!Henry, smut, feelings

April

Running Into You

T | 6k | 1/1

Tarlos, countdown to the wedding, running into each other in the field

First Monday in May

E | 4K | 1/1

Firstprince, 2020 Met Gala, secret relationship

May

Back to You and Me

E | 4k | 1/1

Tarlos, set after the Huntington’s results scene

June

There’s Always Tomorrow

E | 29k | 2/2

Tarlos, set next season, lots of angst, Carlos’s hunt for his dad’s killer

August

Teach You How Forever Feels

E | 103k (and counting) | 18/21

Tarlos, Teacher AU, grief, fluff, smut

September

Take It Back

E | 4k | 1/1

Firstprince, Chef!Henry, annoying customer!Alex

Make It Right

E | 5k | 1/1

Tarlos, canon divergence after season 1, getting together

Begging For You to Take My Hand

M | 4k | 1/1

Firstprince, past and present reflection at the Paris Olympics

All Booked Up

E | 11k | 1/1

Firstprince, Author!Henry, reconnecting after years apart

October

Were There Clues I Didn’t See

T | 5k | 1/1

Tarlos, Soulmates, Feeling each other’s injuries

No pressure tagging: @indomitable-love @clottedcreamfudge @everwitch-magiks @bonheur-cafe @danieljradcliffe (gifs?) @walkinginland @cricketnationrise @dumbpeachjuice @orchidscript @celaestis1 @celeritas2997 @catanisspicy @inexplicablymine @heybuddy-drabbles

#I have another that I shall reveal at the end of December #my writing

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sitp-recs · 1 year

Note

I’m looking for Drarry fics where Draco has been secretly in love with Harry for years. Any recs? Thank you!!

Hi anon! I suddenly realized that I don’t usually read this trope… I tried to come up with a few recs, hopefully they’ll work for you. I’m sure my followers will have more to share :)

Whoo Knew? by oceaxe (2016, E, 18k)

Despite having had a crush on his Auror partner for years, Draco's been biding his time and waiting for the perfect opportunity to make his case. But when Harry subscribes to a new wizarding personals service, Draco gets a wake-up call. With new each message that arrives for Harry from a hopeful suitor, it becomes more and more clear that the time to act has arrived.

Vortex by @xanthippe74 (2020, T, 20k)

Who would want a soulmate who was a schoolyard bully, a Death Eater, and a convicted felon? Certainly not Harry Potter. And Draco is determined to take this secret to the grave.

Nero su bianco by zuzallove (2018, E, 40k)

September 1997. Hogwarts is under the regime of Voldemort and the Carrows. Finding himself alienated by both his friends and his supposed enemies, Draco puts quill to parchment, and writes letters.

We Are Young (I'll Carry You Home Tonight) by Femme (2012, E, 69k)

Harry and Draco have been falling into bed on and off again since the last election five years ago, much to the amusement--and financial gain--of their circle of friends. But when Harry agrees to work with Draco to put Kingsley Shacklebolt into the Minister's office, they can't work side-by-side again every day and sleep together; that would be courting disaster. Wouldn't it?

A Thousand Beautiful Things by geoviki (2004, M, 104k)

Draco Malfoy struggles with changed fortunes, shifted alliances, an ugly war, and an unusual spell, with the help of a concerned professor, an insightful house-elf, and an unexpected Gryffindor friend.

Written on the Heart by who_la_hoop (2006, E, 114k)

Unnerved by the attention he’s attracting from everyone – the Slytherins are the least of it, to be fair – and struggling with a raft of changes to Hogwarts itself, Harry wishes he could be happy that one constant remains: Draco Malfoy really fucking hates him.

Dwelling on Dreams by @the-sinking-ship (2021, E, 135k)

Draco thought he could avoid Potter for the duration of his brief return to England. He’d stick to his schedule and be back home in Paris, where he belonged, in a few short months. No trouble at all. He had plenty to occupy him, what with the opening of the London branch of his successful apothecary, his innovative research, drinks with Pansy, a backlog of unread potions periodicals.

#asks #anon #drarry reclist

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marveltrumpshate · 6 months

Text

October 2023 MTH fills

Waiting for us to finish tallying up the donations? Take a look at all the amazing fills that were posted in October.

The best way to see all the fills that have been shared with us is our monthly roundups tag or our #MTH-fills channel on our Discord, but you can also view them through the following methods:

Our Tumblr tags: 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022

Our AO3 collections: 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022 (only has works posted to AO3)

Completed works tag list

To find specific content, use our completed works tag lists above which includes instructions on how to search for a particular character, gen or romantic relationship, universe, and fanwork type.

SOLO CHARACTERS

BUCKY BARNES

@tj-crochets - Bucky Bear plushie for @maia-saura

CLINT BARTON

@kimmycup/@kimmycupcreates - Black Hawkeye logo candle for @rubickk7 (MTH 2021) (posted in September)

LOKI

@kimmycup/@kimmycupcreates - Green Loki helmet necklace candle for @saganarojanaolt (MTH 2021) (posted in September)

@tj-crochets - Alligator Loki plushie for @maia-saura

SARAH ROGERS

BritBrit99 - Embroidered piece with an orange, a flower, and leaves that says "You always stand up" for @liloau (@alpineandbucky)

GEN/PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS

BUCKY BARNES & SAM WILSON & HELMUT ZEMO

@scioscribe - "Nowhere" (MCU fic where Bucky and Sam rescue Zemo when they find out he's suspiciously missing from the Raft) for @eys93

JACK ROLLINS & BROCK RUMLOW

Dogsled - Art of Jack stitching up an injured Brock who finds it hard to sit still with Bucky in the background offering a hand in making Brock stay put for @kalika999

TONY STARK & ROSE TYLER

Aelfay/@alchemistdoctor - "Who the **** Funds Torchwood, Anyway?" (Doctor Who/MCU crossover where Tony meets Rose Tyler post-Doomsday) for @kerravonsen

TONY STARK & XU WENWU

@nostalgicatsea - "An Open Palm" (canon-divergent IM2 fic where Tony and Wenwu meet after Tony is captured by the Ten Rings) for @magicasen (MTH 2021)

SHIPS

BUCKY BARNES/STEVE ROGERS

@pennydrdful - Art of Steve watching Bucky do ballet from "Captain America Finds His Fella," by and for @trappingsofzed

@sing-the-beginning-of-moana - "The Outfit" (post-TWS Bucky/Steve fic where Bucky experiments with feminine looks) for Aelfay

Skarabrae_stone/@captaintoomanybattles - "Six Blade Knife: Part 1" (Steve/Bucky AU fic where the Avengers find Winter Soldiers Steve and Bucky and bring them home) for @zepysgirl (MTH 2021)

Skarabrae_stone/@captaintoomanybattles - "I Just Want You to Know Who I Am" (Steve/Bucky MCU AU fic where the serum makes Steve look like the Red Skull) for @bulkyphrase (MTH 2021)

BUCKY BARNES/CLINT BARTON

@spagbol99 - "Bro-mance" (MCU (but blended with Fraction!Clint) Clint/Bucky fic where the two get closer when Bucky keeps an eye on Clint after TWS) for effervescentaardvark

ERIK LEHNSHERR/CHARLES XAVIER

@sing-the-beginning-of-moana - "We Want The Same Thing" (X-Men: First Class Charles/Erik fic where the two are on a road trip and Charles picks up on Erik's thoughts about him) for @ashes0909

JACK ROLLINS/BROCK RUMLOW

@massivespacewren - Art of Brock stealing a bite of the batter that an unamused Jack is mixing for @kalika999

PETER PARKER/JOHNNY STORM

thelonebamf/@amazing-spiderling - Art of Peter Parker and Johnny Storm from the fic "Hot Off the Press," a comics-based soulmate AU fic for @missmoochy

STEVE ROGERS/SAM WILSON

@ruquas - "Bellum Invisible" (Sleepy Hollow-inspired Sam/Steve AU fic) for @bulkyphrase

STEVE ROGERS/TONY STARK

@areiton - "immutable as gravity" (Steve/Tony Top Gun AU fic) for @earliebirb, @iseult-1124, and @ralsbecket

clockways/@clockwaysarts - Art of medieval era Steve staring lovingly at Tony talking about his blacksmithing work for @sabrecmc

@wilmakins - "Someone's First Choice" (Steve/Tony enemies-to-lovers undercover mission marriage of convenience A/B/O AU fic) for Yenny2206 (MTH 2021)

STEVE ROGERS/VALKYRIE

@zenaidamacrouras1 - "Punched!" (Steve/Valkyrie modern politics AU fic featuring the two punching Nazis) for @tehroserose, @kerravonsen, @bugsandcoffee, @illogicalkat, @alwaysabrighterdarkness, and TheUltimateUndesirable

#monthly roundup #october 2023 #mth 2021 #mth 2022

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elvisabutler · 2 years

Note

hi!!!! happy 500 follower gala!! i’m so excited, may i please request angst “is this new? wait, are you hurt?” with austin butler.

no pressure, and again, happy 500!

hi anon!!! you definitely can and i went places with this because austin- bless his heart did give us the beauty of hitting himself in the head with a guitar. however i wanted to be- different. and then this turned into what it is. i hope you like! and thank you so much for taking time out of your day to request!

angst, "is this new? wait are you hurt?" - austin butler soulmate au ( also titled: you're gonna make me sore )

tw: injury ( both reader and austin ), brief mention of austin's mother's death, angst? the injury i mention didn't happen as far as i'm aware of but i needed something here. also blood because we're talking about his eyebrow injury.

the thing is, not everyone in the world has a soulmate, it's why everyone isn't really taught anything concrete about it until it is absolutely necessary. sure you know about it, but one always defines it as fantasy because that's what it's depicted as in life. a fantasy that isn't real and that will never be real. you only find out about it when you have a phantom pain in your chest. it is september 2014 and you are confused. it stays there for- well it never really goes away, just lessens with time.

that was your first hint, but your second one comes when austin butler is filming the shannara chronicles and does something to his leg. you're out and about and suddenly have to grab onto your friend to steady yourself so you don't just topple over. you can't really walk on it all that easy and your friend and you manage to get you to an er where they tell you strained something- or more accurately your soulmate strained something so they could give you some medication but- there was nothing really to fix on their end. you see the article about austin's on set injury later on that day.

you're the one who injures yourself next hilariously when going to see austin in iceman cometh. you're not expecting anything, he's famous and with vanessa hudgens who is sitting in the front row looking dazzling as ever. you trip over- what honestly was probably your own two feet and tumble to the ground, breaking your ankle in the process. austin's understudy performs that night and it's fine. you actually come back the next night to see austin limping across the stage and feel so bad that you have to introduce yourself with your matching boot.

"hi, i'm y/n. you were great tonight, austin." you pause looking down and biting your lip almost at the same time he does. "sorry about your ankle."

he looks down at your own ankle and his eyes widen just a hair. "likewise. when did you-"

you debate not answering or telling him a lie but he asks it so earnestly and this is your soulmate you can't lie to him not when you know it would be hard to see him even if you tell him the truth. "yesterday night."

he blinks slowly and his upper teeth just worry at the entirety of his bottom lip before he speaks again. "stay here. i- just stay here for a bit."

you do and the two of you talk. he does not break up with vanessa and you do not break up with your significant other. but you get each other's numbers. and so you talk, you get to know each other. it's not unheard of for soulmates to be purely platonic but you had hoped when you realized that your connection was this type that maybe you wouldn't be. maybe that you two would be romantic and you'd be swept off your feet. this is what happens when the media's depictions of soulmates are what they are. you get skewed ideas on things.

it's 2020 and you're both single. it's 2020 and he is stuck in australia focusing on elvis and you are in your home city. he misses you he says, wishes you were here because he really misses human interaction in person. he wishes you were here for him to hold and to wrap in bubble wrap because- "how did you cut your lip with a fork, darlin'?". it's sometime in 2021 and you know austin is filming that day when you suddenly feel a searing pain in your head and in your vision you see a bit of blood coming down from your eyebrow. you know you didn't hit anything so that had to come from austin and- you're not dying, you- you'd know if this was a car accident or something but god your head hurts and where is your phone.

you find it on the bed mashed up against some covers and you shakily dial austin's number. you know he's probably filming but if his head is- if he hurt himself like this he needs to answer. he doesn't and so you call him again and again and again until it's been 10 calls and he doesn't answer. the last one you leave a voicemail.

"austin? is this new?" a brief pause as you try to rub the blood from your eyebrow. "wait, are you hurt? call me!"

he doesn't call you for a day. you are on the next plane out to austraila to make sure you still have a soulmate.

"it was just a scratch- i- come here." austin says pulling you into a hug.

"bullshit, butler." you should be angry and maybe you are a little but you haven't touched austin in so long and you have your stitches to match his so it all ended fine enough. "you scared me. don't do that again."

"i won't."

#so i almost had it so the reader and austin never met.#i also almost wrote this as austin x olivia #basically when giving me freedom over prompts i go places.#austin butler x reader #austin butler x y/n #austin butler angst #this is like the tamest angst i've done lately.#austin butler fanfic #austin butler blurb #ally's 500 follower gala #ally answers asks

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ficsyoumayhavemissed · 2 years

Text

It’s hard to find the words to write this post. When we originally set up FYMHM, it was the brainchild of an amazing woman – Lynda, aka @wait4ever / RecycledStardust. She was the embodiment of hope for a better fandom, for a better environment for unknown writers, and an amazing, well-loved, well-respected, and highly sought beta.

It was her idea that the voices behind FYMHM stayed anonymous – she didn’t want any of our individual personalities or reputations to have any impact on the way the blog was received; she wanted our recommendations to stand for themselves. And speaking for myself, I think it can be safely said that this has definitely been the case.

I personally chose to take a step back from the blog when I started at university in September 2020, a decision that Lynda emphatically supported. “Honey, your studies are more important – we’ll still be here,” she insisted and assured me, repeatedly.

However, a year ago today, the bright beacon that Lynda simply personified, was taken away from us – cancer. An illness that she was incredibly tight lipped about, shrugging a lot of the concerns that were shown to her off in favour of wanting to discuss the next fic that was being written, or the next fest that was coming up, or Louis’ collarbones, depending on her mood!

She was adamant that FYMHM continued without her. Insistent the work went on. And so it did.

FYMHM has grown bigger and bigger over the past couple of years, and despite not being an active participant, I’m incredibly proud that the random idea that was bandied about late one night on a WhatsApp call has developed into one of the best fic rec blogs in our part of the fandom. We have more members – all still anonymous – who work hard at reading and writing recommendations and reviews, and we have a completely equal and democratic system set up to choose those fics.

As I’m no longer one of the key individuals, and as this is Lynda’s first anniversary, I wanted to step out from behind the curtain to explain a little to the world who and why this blog exists at all, and also to give thanks, to an amazingly wonderful lady, who has done so much for this fandom, for the writers she beta’d for, and for the readers who read those stories.

Miss you a lot, lovely lady. Love always, Roni xxx

—

There was a time when FYMHM was just Lynda, Roni and I. Going back and reading the initial messages that marked the beginning of this blog, it is safe to say that we had no idea what we were in for. Then again, what could stop The Three Virgos from doing what they put their minds to? Absolutely nothing. We had the idea and set it up within about half an hour. There was something magical about the weekly phone calls we used to sit down for after that.

My memories of those calls are fond, just as my memories of the calls I shared with Lynda alone. When she first told me she was ill, I couldn’t believe it. How was the world supposed to keep turning if Lynda didn’t push it along?

When it became clear that it was terminal and I had to come to terms with the fact that one of my closest friends was going to pass away, we tried to savor the time we had left as best as we could. When she became bed-ridden, I called her and took her along on my walks. She was the first person I told when anything happened, and not to be able to do that anymore breaks my heart.

Truth is, I don’t think there will ever be anybody like her. Even in the worst of it, she made sure to reach out and comfort me. She knew me so well that she bestowed upon me a task that was simultaneously daunting and a great comfort. She asked me to finish a fic she had started writing. And it was a fic that I knew meant a lot to her, personally. And so I did. I wrote about love and loss and soulmates and in the process of that, I became closer and closer with our other friends and now, though there is a Lynda-shaped piece of the puzzle missing, we are secure with each other. Her dandelion hopes. The seeds she nurtured, who are now working hard to spread her kindness and passion everywhere we go.

Lynda, I miss you and your warmth. I don’t think there has ever been anybody who believed in me with such unshakable faith as you. Thank you for everything you did for me. I think of you as “the woman in the moon”, that way, when I need advice, I can look up at the night sky and imagine what you would have to say. Love you, Evi xx

—

Further to this post, we ask that you please feel free to reblog this with your own thoughts and memories of Lynda.

Always in our hearts ❤️

#fymhm #in memory of Lynda #death mention #cancer cw

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outsidereveries · 1 year

Text

welcome to outsidereveries!

masterlist upcoming readings time-cards announcements

hey, Li here. i was in this community back in 2020/2021 as kpopenvisions.

WARNING: beware of that my opinion could be controversial (at times) and i'll have to limit my readings to its fullest potential i can give to you to save my content provided here if needed. freedom of speech might be limited after all. if i want to do your ask, it won't be accepted immediately. please, be considerable of requesting something that i can do at any time as well as the amount of questions per ask. DISCLAIMER: my readings are just for fun. although i do guess sometimes, the energies are always changing. i could be inaccurate too because of my interpretation. as of 8th September 2023, i officially don’t accept all requests and will choose manually what to do and what to not. this applies to everywhere and has to be done due to personal reasons. you won’t be informed beforehand.

below I will list what I am not doing, what I am cautious to do and what I do. I have the right for your ask to be rewritten despite of the reasons and will be informed as soon as possible as well as denying your request. however you won't be informed when i deny it, like at all. due to my energy clashing with different energies, you might be informed in separate post whether your request is accepted to ask/share on the internet.

what i am not doing: things that i'm considering as super extra ultra personal to me as of now

personal readings because i want to focus on celebs more as i feel they're "missing" in social medias in general

any type of readings about people that are not alive

pick-a-card type of posts

nsfw content, i am extremely uncomfortable for asking this sort of questions

alcohol and drugs-related questions, including anything that containes nicotine, tar and anything vape/e-cigarettes related such as "does x smoke cigarettes?". however, if they are involved in any scandals, i am fine with it

sexualities and anything lgbtq-related questions. i would like to not focus on this topic as i want my blog to be safe for everyone including them. the only exception in the lgbtq-related questions is in politics-related asks.

other sexual things if i missed anything for the same reason as the nsfw content - this includes in pervert way likes/dislikes and turn-ons/turn-offs and how someone is in the bed

future significant other (spouse/wife, doesn't matter), soulmates and twin flames for interefering with changeable energy and privacy reasons

personal love relationships for invading privacy reasons

any other love-related questions EXCEPT "rumor or truth?" series where I answer to any rumors if they're real or not, ideal types and someone as (boy/girl)friend for invading privacy reasons.

future kid(s) energy of someone famous for interfering with changeable energy and invading privacy reasons

family-type of readings for invading privacy reasons (example: wonyoung (ive) and her sister's dynamic/bond)

what i would prefer to do less & will be picky

how someone sees someone else

how someone sees a situation (in any kind, in any form)

ideal types

someone as (boy/girl)friend

crime type readings that aren’t involving someone’s death

personality type readings

dynamics/bond (if between 2 people, as friends!)

what i am really cautious to do but will still ask nonetheless because i am fine with these questions

health-related questions, beware some of them might be declined if they're asked too inapporpiate

war-related questions because i will focus on the governments and the media that are interpreting everything. there are human lives there i am really THIS MUCH aware of it

religious-related questions: beware that i am orthodox christian. if you are fine with me asking it, tell me beforehand. otherwise your ask will be returned with me asking are you fine with me asking

what i’ll do and would like to do in the future

general-type readings

work and career-related readings

any politics-related readings such as elections, protests, referendums, etc.

conspiracy theories

scandals-related readings

companies-related readings

other rules

when requesting, celebrity-wise, there are groups who have either inactive members or have members who left their group(s). there are also ones who have (had) major scandals, so please specify if you want them to be included or not because i'll have to stick to my gut for them.

when requesting, if you want me to do more than one thing, ask separately.

when requesting, specify the person from where or write their last name (group/soloist, it doesn’t matter) if there’s more than one person with the same (stage) name, otherwise your ask will not be answered at all. this applies everywhere, especially to curiouscat ask people

what i am using for my readings:

the most cheapest playing cards (they do work, yeah)

pendulum

mystic mondays tarot, grace duong

tarot de luz, aitor saraita

frida kahlo tarot (110th anniversary), frida kahlo corporation

wizards tarot, barbara moore/mieke janssens, 🇧🇬

making magick (mini oracle cards), priestess moon

the quest tarot, joseph ernst martin, 🇧🇬

mystical manga tarot, barbara moore/ran, 🇧🇬

daily guidance from your angels, doreen virtue, 🇧🇬

angel answers, doreen virtue&radleigh valentine, 🇧🇬

crystal ball (pocket oracle), athene noctua

handmade oracle papers if needed

the bulgarian flag is for these cards who are in bulgarian.

Remember to be respectful and apply my rules before commenting or asking. Thank you in advance.

#outsidereveries #rules

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maybe-theres-hope · 1 year

Note

Tarlos + soulmates au 💕

Thank you thank you thank you for the prompt and the cheerleading lol. As discussed, I'll work on finishing the Carlos POV companion to this, and I'll add it to a reblog :)

Also, it looks dire at first but I promise there is a happy ending!

In the Span of a Moment | 1.4k | tw: blood (though not explicit), gun violence, death (but only temporary!) | ao3

Andrea Reyes has always wanted what was best for her son. To see him happy, healthy, and content was her only priority in life.

It took a while for her to accept that the picture she had of this nebulous future full of love and laughter would look different for her son than the one she’d been envisioning since the doctor handed him to her, freshly in the world and already reaching for his mama, but she’d accepted it.

Truly, his happiness was everything to her, and she’d do anything she could to give it to him.

It was a shock and a blow, then, to watch her son scream and cry and grieve right there on the sidewalk in front of the Chicago National Bank and Trust, on a pleasantly warm day in September 1931.

The three of them had been to the market downtown that morning, picking up something or other for Sunday dinner–-she couldn’t remember now what. It didn’t matter. The boys had ostensibly been accompanying her for safety, but she’d engineered the whole thing anyway.

Anything to give Carlos time to just enjoy the company of their “close family friend”, as they’d dubbed TK for appearances.

It all happened so fast.

TK had backed up as Carlos and Andrea moved forward, skipping over to help a woman who’d dropped her pen on the steps of the bank building while trying to fit it back into her purse. Andrea watched as he picked up the pen, handed it to the sweet-faced girl--whose blush was immediate, TK was always smiling so devilishly even when he was being innocent–-and turned back to join them. Just then, the doors to the bank flew open, and bullets were flying.

TK, at the wrong place and wrong time, got caught in the crossfire. Andrea watched in horror as her own son’s hands became stained and gruesome, and she knew without a doubt that TK wasn’t coming home with them tonight.

She watched the life fade out of Carlos as well, on those steps. And it never came back.

It would strike her sometimes, throughout the lifetimes she led with her soulmate and her son, how in one instant a thousand lives could halt. She’d never been sure whether Carlos and TK had fully sealed their bond, but as one lifetime became two and then three, and the years passed without them ever seeing TK again, Andrea had to think not. And Carlos’ eyes never wandered to anyone else. It seemed he’d missed his chance for eternity with his soulmate.

It was crushing, living on, her and Gabriel knowing their son would never find happiness, even as the world changed through the years. Thinking of the fact that even in the depths of Austin in the 1970s, Carlos and TK could have been open as long as they were careful. And now, in 2020, they could be free to be together in whatever way they wanted. But it would never happen, because they’d missed their chance.

Andrea thought often of TK, especially when looking into her son’s passive face. It seemed like all the light had gone out of him that day in 1931, and it lasted past even death. Each new time she gave birth to her son, in a new life, she prayed that this would be the one where he was happy. And each time, the disappointing truth became evident before long. TK was lost to time, and Carlos was cursed to live a thousand lifetimes unaware of what exactly he was missing, but knowing somewhere deep inside, he wasn’t truly whole.

This was all very maudlin thinking for a day spent at the market, but Andrea couldn’t help it. She longed for her son to know his heart. Each time she found Gabriel in a new life, it was like feeling the warmth of the sun glowing inside her. She wanted that desperately for her son.

She and Gabriel had left Carlos somewhere in the arts and crafts section when he’d gotten pulled in by a woman peddling handmade ashtrays–-the fact that Carlos had never smoked didn’t preclude him from acting interested out of politeness, bless his heart–-and they were currently perusing through the sizzling bustle of the food stalls. Gabriel was saying something about trying a deep fried corn cob when Andrea spotted the ambulance.

They’d heard sirens earlier, but hadn’t thought anything of it when there wasn’t a panic. It was clear now that a cook at one of the stalls had sustained a pretty nasty burn, but a young woman was currently settling the last bits of a bandage across his arm and giving him a stern lecture about the importance of safely operating a fryer. Andrea watched detachedly as the man thanked the young paramedic, who then turned to hop back up in the back of the ambulance for a moment before stepping back down onto the pavement again, this time followed by who Andrea assumed was her partner. The man, also quite young, used the top of the ambulance to swing down onto the street backwards, much to the annoyance of his partner. She rolled her eyes at his antics but smiled fondly, and her face made Andrea’s heart warm. Clearly they were good friends.

But then the young man turned around. Andrea’s breath stopped.

His face was fuller, definitely more well fed than any of them were in the Depression. He was solid and lean and nimble. He was impish and playful.

He was smiling.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” she heard herself say. She gripped her husband’s wrist so tightly she knew it hurt. Gabriel turned to her, looking rightfully alarmed.

“What’s the matter? What’s happened?” he asked, frantic.

Just then, Carlos came around the side of a booth with a very heavy looking pottery ashtray in his hand. He was already holding it up to show them, but he followed their gaze by instinct, thinking there was a threat in the vicinity.

As soon as he found what they were looking at, he stopped. He stared, his face doing a thousand impressions of a million different emotions before landing on stunned disbelief.

The memories of past lifetimes did not come back to you until you met your soulmate again. Andrea supposed it was to save the heartbreak of knowing they were out there but far away from you, until they weren’t anymore.

She watched every memory of 1931 play out behind her son’s eyes in the span of a moment. How they met, when TK dropped by asking for work. How they grew close, Carlos stealing away to watch TK work on cars in Gabriel’s garage. How Andrea finally asked TK to sit down to dinner with them, and tried to subtly drop hints that she could see what they meant to each other and that it wasn’t just friendship. How Carlos looked at her when she said unsubtly that she loved him and wanted to see him happy, whatever that meant, even though she was afraid for him and that the two of them would have to hide who they were.

The day in September, watching TK be chivalrous and then watching him die, bleeding out on the marble steps of a building in downtown Chicago. They were ripped apart much too soon and they’d been kept from each other by time and chance ever since.

In the span of a moment.

TK had yet to spot them. This wasn’t the ideal place for this to happen–-public and loud and not the sweet intimate meeting they deserved, but Andrea couldn’t make herself let the moment pass by. She was about to shout over to the paramedics, but Carlos beat her to it.

She watched TK turn, watched him see Carlos making his way over determinedly, and watched his face play through the exact same emotions she’d seen in her son. It was bittersweet, watching the pain pass over his features, but it would be short lived, she knew.

She watched their eyes lock as Carlos came up in front of him. TK’s mouth formed Carlos’ name in awe and Andrea felt her heart swell as Carlos smiled and his lips formed the words, “I missed you” before pulling him into an embrace.

Andrea has always wanted what was best for her son, wanted him to be the happiest soul on earth. She smiled to herself and felt the tears well up in her eyes, and she relaxed.

#911 lone star #911 ls fic #tarlos #tarlos fic #prompt fill #brooke writes #soulmate au #reincarnation au

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prismatoxic · 10 months

Text

this is going to be a very long and very personal post, but i've been thinking about it for a while. it's about my old FP i mention sometimes.

it's almost 4k words long, so. be prepared for that.

i got this question on retrospring a few days after paris blew up on me.

it is a very innocuous message. probably from a friend, maybe from a stranger; i won't know unless they tell me. it's the last question i ever answered on retrospring, though i have gotten harassment since that i did not answer, forcing me to shut off anonymous messages.

the exact timestamp is Sunday, May 29th. the last time paris messaged me was Tuesday, May 24th. i had to go into our old server to find that date. i don't have a good memory, but i also hate to look at anything from their old account. so, the message on retrospring: a seemingly insignificant event, but dated so close to the breakdown that is serves as a much more accessible reminder of how long it's been.

"about 1 year ago" is the immediately visible timestamp on the message.

2 years ago, paris was my best friend.

though, thinking about it, maybe that isn't true. it isn't what i called them. mikee is my best friend, and i consider jesse to be there as well. i have never wanted to dethrone them from that spot. that term is special to me. (see, now, why my earlier post mocked myself wanting to be everyone's best friend? i won't even use the title for more than 2 people.)

no, i called paris my "queerplatonic partner" or my "platonic soulmate". qpp, usually. in hindsight it is so blatantly clear that i was obsessed, that i was attached in such an unhealthy way; i did not recognize myself as having BPD at the time. so, in the end, paris was not my qpp, nor any manner of soulmate. they were my "FP", or Favorite Person: a BPD term i would say is akin to "hyperfixation", but on someone you personally know.

i don't want to openly pass judgement on paris here, because that's not why i'm writing this. they're long gone and goading people to be as upset as i am serves no purpose. however, i will say this: they encouraged my behavior. my obsession. i believed, in a sense, that the pedestal i had put them on was in some way parallel to the one they had me on.

there was no pedestal under me, though.

paris and i met sometime in September of 2020. potentially on the 15th, as that is when i created our roleplay server. it was in a proship fandom server for a website i used to moderate. (i don't know if that site is ever going to manage to get finished, now, but i still have hope.) having just gotten very into souyo, i was hunting for roleplay partners, and said as much in some channel or another. paris, at the time, was playing P4G for the very first time. we got to talking. i made our roleplay server, and for two years, we would only ever talk therein.

today, there are 77 threads in that server for different roleplay plots. some are very long; others, very short. i was (and am) unable to focus on any one thing for any real length of time, but paris was accommodating. they were happy to do new plots as i came up with them, and they pitched their own from time to time. most of them are souyo; a handful are for our bancho triplet au; there are some akeshus, and one or two banpegos. we came up with a lot of ideas. a lot of aus. sometimes we'd redo an idea; sometimes we'd branch off from something we'd done before.

we roleplayed every day. i knew their schedule and they knew mine. our responses were quick and snappy, and if we couldn't keep up, we'd talk about it. we talked A LOT. very rarely on the phone or VC, usually in text. they do not live in the US, but we exchanged numbers anyway. we talked so much and so often that it drowned a lot of my other relationships out; i can be very single-minded in my obsessions. i almost lost several people.

i almost lost the love of my life.

in the summer of 2021, paris was taking a trip to the united states to get vaccinated for Covid, and they made plans to stop and see multiple people. in between other plans, they made just enough time to see me for 3 days. they were seeing their older friends for much longer, but i didn't question it, i didn't worry. i was so sure that i was so special to paris. i trusted them so much that the fact that they refused to allow me to interact with their core friend group just bounced right off of me.

in retrospect? ouch.

the visit was fine. paris finally convinced me that i was allowed to be disabled, that i was allowed to rely on support like the electric carts at stores and stuff. they had clashed with devot in the past, but the two of them got along fine for the visit. i was so thrilled; my two most important people, getting along? what could be better? the three of us had lunch and went to ikea. then i hung out at paris's hotel the other two days.

even when they were visiting their other friends, we were talking near-constantly. at some point, my obsession reached a very unfortunate peak, and i decided that if i was that obsessed, clearly i was in love with them. they were (and are, presumably) polyamorous, and i thought maybe i was too.

this isn't a part i want to talk about very much, because it's humiliating and painful. i tried to negotiate an open relationship with devot, and as a result, i almost lost him entirely. it was a very hard time for us, and it made me realize that i loved him way more than i could ever love someone else, even paris. if pursuing paris meant i would lose devot, then i simply wouldn't pursue paris.

paris knew my intentions and knew my ultimate decision. however that made them feel, i can't say. i don't know.

you see, towards the tail end of their trip, they suffered a familial tragedy and their return home was delayed. (or maybe they did make it home, but not for very long? my memory is fuzzy and i absolutely do not want to comb through our server to find it.) their family was in the US and that's where they needed to be for a while. i don't want to go into more detail than that; it was a very personal time for them. we did not talk a lot during it. they said, "i can't carry you right now".

maybe that was a clue as to how they viewed our relationship. i don't know. i assured them i wasn't asking for that, that i could carry them, but all the same they needed their space and i gave it to them. i had permission to send messages with the understanding that there would be no response, so i did.

in lamenting my mental state during all this, jesse (you may recall him being a best friend) suggested to me that maybe i possibly, perhaps, had BPD. he explained it to me and may have also directed me to some sources. it was eye-opening. it forced me to confront my actions and alter my behavior in ways i never realized i needed to do. in terms of paris, however, it came too little, too late.

this part of the story i have told before; i mean, i've told it all before, but i think i was more descriptive at this point. as paris recovered from the tragedy and began returning to normal life, they did so increasingly without me.

conversations in our server were short and uneventful. they were not up to roleplay, which i understood; i searched for other ways for us to connect.

they abandoned their persona 4 twitter and made a new one. they claimed persona 4 had become a trigger. i don't know why, and they never explained. it seemed that the biggest connection we had was now in the past, but i was so deeply, wholeheartedly invested in our relationship that i didn't let it get me down... too much.

the thing about the decline of our relationship is that it was not all at once. it was an accumulation of things, increasingly large signs that they were done with me. the persona 4 abandonment was one of those signs. another, how they were publicly interacting with their older friends, but no longer with me. yet another; they got into no man's sky, but when i finally got my hands on a copy to play with them, they stopped playing. or maybe they just stopped posting about it.

they did not post in our server unless i prompted them first. they did speak in our server with our mutual friend priam, but... just to talk to priam. ask them for advice on the french language, mostly, for a novel they had started to write. anything i said was quickly glossed over (not by priam, though; priam and i are still friends and i love him dearly).

this went on for 7 months.

i know that figure because just before i purged my vent twitter, i went back to the very first post i'd made about the situation. i posted a lot about it... almost every day. i also cried almost every day. i was trying to take it in stride, at least publicly, but in private i was falling apart. paris, who used to like every post on my vent twitter to let me know they were reading them, had stopped doing so. they also never asked me about any of the posts, which they used to do. at some point i figured they had most likely muted my account.

it doesn't feel like it was 7 months. it feels like it was much shorter. how could i have been in so much emotional pain for 7 whole months? i know i was hiding it from everyone as best i could, i didn't even tell my therapist; how could i have done so for so long? but my vent twitter proved the timeline. 7 months.

devot's not blind, of course. he knew something was up. i very rarely told him anything about paris, a point of contention between us. i knew he didn't like them. i didn't want to make it worse. however, i am nothing if not a paper-thin pane of glass when it comes to the phrase, "are you okay?", and eventually i had to tell him why i was so depressed.

he didn't know how to help. the only thing he could do was provide me with the matches; i had to burn the bridge myself.

he told me, early on in my relationship with paris, that they had told him something. (i didn't know they'd spoken outside of my personal server at all.) they told him that my obsession with them wouldn't last, that eventually i would find another interest and move on.

it was a gut-punch. our relationship meant everything to me, but they only saw me as an obsessed little fanboy, at least at the time. and it felt ironic, because they had moved on from me, not the other way around.

paris was (and presumably is) very serious about the privacy of 1 on 1 conversations. they never ever divulged things that happened between them and someone else that seemed in any way "personal." they expected this of others, as well; they told devot what they said in confidence. of course, his loyalties lie with me and absolutely not with them, so he told me anyway.

now, let's step back, for a moment. i want to try and paint a picture of what it was like being in my shoes.

i trusted paris. everything they had ever said to me was taken at face-value and believed. they had proven to me (or so i thought) that they always spoke their mind, were honest, and cared about me very deeply. i trusted them to tell me if something was wrong. in those 7 months, i asked them directly if anything was bad between us. they assured me we were fine. all the while, i knew they were hanging out with their older (real?) friends and generally ignoring me. i knew they had come to loathe the media that brought us together. i knew that they didn't want to play games with me, even their supposed favorite game.

i knew that they were shutting me out.

but paris never communicated this. they were visibly moving on without me, but i trusted them so much that i willfully turned a blind eye to it, waiting for the day they'd be "ready" to talk to me again. then devot told me about what they'd said, and finally, i started to split.

splitting is another BPD term, though it has its uses in general psychology as well. it is primarily a defense mechanism, mostly against The Big BPD Fear, abandonment. splitting is to see a situation and black and white and take a side. there was no longer nuance to the situation; there was paris is my friend, or paris is my enemy.

i was reluctant to let it happen. i resisted it. splitting and my natural empathy are extremely at odds with one another; i tried to convince my brain that paris was still my friend, that there were reasons for all of this. these were conscious thoughts, but the split was not a conscious choice.

i resented paris. either they apologized to me, and fixed things, or they didn't and that was that, it was over. very new to the concept that these were unproductive thoughts, i didn't know how to combat them.

i made a tweet on my vent twitter.

as i said earlier, i had come to assume that paris had simply muted my vent twitter; they had gone through so much, clearly they couldn't carry me, as they said... so i made a vague tweet that wasn't really vague, assuming they probably wouldn't see it anyway.

to paraphrase, as the tweet no longer exists: "you said once that i would get bored of you and move on, but you're the one who moved on from me"

they had not muted my twitter, they were just ignoring it. i know this because they finally messaged me first, and it was about that tweet.

the first volley of messages, sent in our roleplay server, was very clipped but mostly civil. they were disappointed in me for resorting to such a low tactic as to post a passive aggressive tweet instead of coming to them about my concerns.

(i had been having no luck getting them to talk to me; our last exchange in that server was nearly a month prior and lasted about 6 messages. perhaps you can imagine why i didn't think taking my concerns to them would work.)

i was not present when they sent these messages, and didn't get to say anything before they left the server. i did return to my computer not long after, however, and realized, with equal parts regret and relief, that it was over.

then they dm'd me, something they had not done since we very first started talking.

the dms were vicious. they had only gotten angrier after sending the first wave of messages and wanted me to know. devot had betrayed them by telling me what they said, and i betrayed them by repeating it on my vent.

i watched each message roll in, one after the other, numb. i considered replying. i never did.

they called me selfish. hungry for attention. everything was always about me. they said all that happened was they stopped initiating contact, and i had the nerve to claim it was abandonment? in the server, they said they expected me to tell them if i had an issue with them. in the dms, they professed to feelings they had never told me they had towards me.

they said they didn't know what they were even trying to accomplish, that i wouldn't even care. the messages stopped.

their twitter was abandoned; in time, their discord was as well. they never blocked me, simply... vanished. their friend list was wiped clean, their icon blacked out. i think it only didn't happen immediately because they needed to retract their presence from everything they modded and collaborated on. why not delete the discord? i don't know. i'll never know.

it's still there, black icon, no friends, no profile. our exchanges are intact. every other account i ever knew them to have is abandoned as well. if i had to guess, they don't go by "paris" anymore. they told me they had changed before, that "paris" was the longest-running identity they had. they loved being "paris". i'm sorry i ruined it, genuinely.

so, May 24th, 2022. a Tuesday; devot would have been off work. i don't remember if i cried. i think i was just sort of bitterly relieved. i think i said "good riddance" on my vent, after blocking their accounts.

that's the thing about defense mechanisms, i guess. they can work. yet, as time passed, the full weight of it all came bearing down on me. not just the end, but every part before it: the grief of it all, of losing paris, piece by piece until there was nothing left. them claiming that the "only thing" they had done was stop engaging with me first was laughable, but maybe to them, that really was the truth. i said it before: it was an accumulation of things. straws on the camel's back, you know how it goes.

it was never just about the roleplaying, or even the conversations. i tried so hard, for so long, to find something else we could do. i trusted them when they said we were fine. i trusted them when they told me they loved me. i trusted them in every way i could trust a person.

paris said once that they didn't believe in empathy. they said it was essentially "mind reading", that there was no way to know how another person was feeling, so how could you know you felt the same? hyper-empathetic, i stayed quiet. they were smarter than me, and more worldly than me; they probably knew better.

"about 1 year ago," says retrospring. i remember when it said only days. when it said a month. when it said 7 months. (that might be when i made my last post on the subject.)

shortly before that day, i finally told my therapist what was happening. it was my very last appointment with him; i'd been seeing him for 4 years. he was moving onto a private practice and could no longer take my insurance.

i said it had all began about a year after paris and i met, and he posited a theory: perhaps it was the honeymoon phase. those tend to last about a year, he said. maybe they had simply gotten bored. he did not say it unkindly (he was very good at his job, and i trusted him very much), but it did strike a chord in me. i thought maybe it was too simple an explanation, though, and after all, we were qpps. how could they just get bored?

i don't think we were qpps at that point. (arguably, we never were, but as a label we shared, i think they had agreed on it at least for a while.)

the explosion a scant few days later did not feel like boredom, it felt like vitriol. like resentment. it felt like they had wanted to say those things for a long time. but it had been 7 months since the possible end of this "honeymoon phase," so maybe. i guess i'll never know.

i have become very bad at keeping up with roleplay. even if it's the same short style, or even if they let me switch between ideas constantly. even if it's souyo. even if they're my friend. even if i'm having a great time. at some point, the mental block rises up, and even though i'm not thinking about paris, i know that's where it came from. devot is the only one largely immune to this effect; we still roleplay constantly, though i do at times fall into slumps even so.

i keep trying; i love to roleplay. it's my favorite hobby. but every time i try, it stops dead by my own hand. even if i'm actively trying to prevent it.

...but otherwise, i think i'm doing better.

my approach to relationships is different. i know what i'm capable of, if i get carried away. i'm careful, and i try to keep track of my emotions about a person. i also trust people a lot less, and fear abandonment a lot more, but i'm aware of it and trying to do something about it.

devot and i are doing much better; he doesn't have to compete with anyone anymore. i have a lot more time and emotional energy for him. i love him very much, and i'm so grateful he stuck with me. i'd be nowhere without him.

the roleplay server i made for myself and paris sits at the very bottom of my server list, tucked into a folder with the server we shared with priam. i don't want to lose the memories, but i never even look at them, so it probably doesn't matter either way. maybe someday i'll use some of those old ideas. i already did, with one; one of our roleplays was the basis for my oc nate, who i made well after paris was gone.

i do not ever want to see or speak to paris again. luckily, the feeling is most certainly mutual.

tomorrow, in about 12 hours, i will be speaking to my new therapist. he is the second i have had since the one i had for 4 years, and the first since then that i actually think i mesh well with. i think i'll tell him all of this. hell, i might even read the post to him. we'll see.

is there a point to all of this? kind of. mostly it's for me, a retrospective of what happened. it's also just informative for the people closest to me who i have likely not told everything in this much detail. if you read it and get something out of it, that's great.

it's been "about 1 year," according to retrospring. i think i like that metric better than the exact timestamps of paris's final messages to me that discord gives. the era of "tox and paris" burned bright and burned hard, and died out very quickly. it's probably for the best. i am healing, and i don't know if i'd have ever gotten better if they kept me around. there is a long way to go, but... i have hope, honestly. i think i'll be okay.

#tox.txt #this is wildly personal i'm not kidding. you don't have to read it if you're not interested #it's about BPD and obsession and grief and i'm really only posting it publicly bc like...#idk man i want it to be somewhere i can share i guess. this one doesn't go into the void #tagging so i can find it later...#The Paris Saga

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