#So I'll manage to write them over the weekend hopefully! <3

[osamusriceballs]

Kinktober Day 25 <3

Iwaizumi x striptease

Warnings: NSFW, fem reader

Words: ~ 1,4 k

Kinktober Masterlist II -> Next day

"You're so fucking hot."

A low groan escapes his lips as his hips arch into yours while you straddle his lap. You continue to kiss his neck, your hands gently resting on his shoulders to maintain your balance on his muscular thighs. Athletic trainer? You almost snort. He looks more like an athlete himself. Iwaizumi's hands are restless, alternating between gripping your hips to sensually thrust into you and exploring the curves and contours of your body.

"You too," you sheepishly look up and smile at him, your cheeks warming as you admire his attractive face up close. The intense eye contact continues for a few moments, with both of you remaining silent, only the sound of your soft breaths filling the room.

That is until you can't resist any longer and begin to squirm on his lap. "Come here." He tilts his head and easily connects his lips with yours, much to your relief. You feel yourself melting into the kiss, savoring the soft caress of his lips against yours and the gentle increase of pressure. You moan as his tongue grazes your lower lip, silently requesting more access, to which you eagerly oblige by parting your lips.

Your passionate make-out session is suddenly interrupted by the loud music coming from the closed front door, undoubtedly from the new neighbors next door. You pull back slightly at the noise, just enough to notice a slight frown on his face, and he sighs deeply while squeezing your hips. Since the new neighbors moved in next door, they've made a habit of playing loud music every Saturday night, making you feel like you're in a crowded club. Their music is usually energetic and intense, probably used for home workouts, but tonight's music is different. It's a slow, sensual melody that makes you want to sway your hips as you cling to Iwaizumi.

You both exchange glances while the music plays, and his initial frown quickly dissipates along with your disappointment of the music ruining your sweet moment. "Dance for me?" He suddenly breaks the silence with a gleam of excitement in his eyes, his happiness evident as he gazes expectantly at you. "Really?" you hesitantly ask, feeling somewhat perplexed by the unexpected request.

"Hmm. The music is perfect for this." He grins, his expression so tender and affectionate that you give him one last peck on the lips, pressing your lips against his long enough to elicit a groan from him before you finally get up.

Your movements are initially stiff as you're not quite sure how to proceed, but as you notice his leg bouncing in anticipation, you decide to go with the flow. You're convinced that you can't go wrong; Iwaizumi has adored, praised, and cherished your body so many times that you can't imagine him ever being disappointed in anything you do.

You slowly dance to the music, gently swaying your body while maintaining eye contact with him. You do a little twirl, just enough to let your skirt flutter a bit, earning an approving hum from him. "Always so fucking pretty for me," he runs his hands over his pants and takes a deep breath, his eyes tracking every movement of your body.

"What should I take off first, Hajime?" you ask, batting your eyelashes as seductively as possible. His leg stops bouncing at your question, and he quickly licks his lips before leaning forward ever so slightly. "You're letting me choose?" You feel a shiver run down your spine at his expectant gaze, your body growing warmer as you stand before him, swaying to the music.

"Your shirt. I think it would look better on the floor." He grins, watching as you shift your weight from one foot to the other, slowly reaching for the hem of your shirt. "You don't like it, then?" You ask with a teasing smile, and he immediately shakes his head. "No, I love it! It's my favorite color on you." You raise your eyebrows at his statement, mentally noting to wear this color more often.

"Oh? Should I keep it on, then?" You let your hands fall to your sides, ensuring that you continue to sway to the music and let your hands wander down your sides.

"Baby," he groans in frustration, his hands caressing the fabric of his pants once more, and you decide to give in. You bring your hands back to the hem of your shirt and slowly lift it. You expose inch by inch, his gaze fixed on the movement of your hands as it trails down your chest, leaving your upper body clad only in an almost see-through lacy bra. Once you've finally pulled the shirt over your head, you hear his breath hitch. You know how much he adores the bra and the matching panties, that's why you chose to wear them today to surprise him - the perfect choice as it seems.

"What next?" You ask, your voice slightly higher pitched than usual, conveying how hot and bothered he's making you feel with the way he watches you with his bright green eyes, much like a predator eyeing its prey, ready to devour. "The skirt." His response is so quick that you know he thought about it while you were undressing, but that was exactly the effect you aimed for: to stimulate his imagination and to make his mind go crazy. You sway your hips just a bit slower, maintaining eye contact to intensify the tension while you unzip your skirt from the side, making sure to caress all of your exposed skin. The fabric falls down to your feet as you pull it over your hips, leaving you in a matching set of lace, almost bare in front of him. You don't feel the cold at all, not when Iwaizumi's gaze is so fiery and intense. The bulge in his pants is clearly visible, and you're relieved that the dark material of your panties hides the damp spot, which is nearly invisible from the outside.

"The bra next?" you tilt your head while you speak, your fingers fumbling with the cups of your bra as you wait for his response.

"Not yet. I want to savor you a bit. Do a twirl for me, love." You hold your breath for a moment and quickly nod, presenting your body from various angles as he watches attentively, his cock almost throbbing at the sight of you dancing so seductively only for him. Only for his eyes.

You keep your eyes on him when you bring your hands the the clasp of your bra, and this time he does not interfere. You fumble just for a second with it before you manage to unhook it, your body shivering in excitement. You let the fabric run down your shoulders, the movement feeling like a caress, and you find yourself wishing that he would finally touch you. That he would run his hands down your shoulders and kiss you and show you how much he loves you.

The bra joins the other clothes on the ground, and you let your hands roam along your body, touching yourself softly while you dance to the music. "You can't even imagine how sexy you look right now, love. So fucking sexy." He runs his hand through his dark hair, swallowing hard and raking his gaze over your body. He sounds so turned on, lust evident on his face, the tension in the room almost unbearable at this point.

You bite your lip and bring your hands to the hem of your panties to finish the show, but Iwaizumi moves quickly and catches your wrists before you can pull them down. You stare at him surprised, your eyes widened while you wordlessly let him pull you towards the bed until your back meets the soft mattress and he hovers over you. His hands go to your ankles and spread your legs, your core throbbing at this action, aching to be touched when he makes you feel even more exposed in your current position. Your jaw drops when he leans down and presses a kiss on your stomach, his teeth grazing at the lace of your panties, and you squirm under him when his hot breath meets your skin. A grin adorns his lips when he pulls the material back, just enough until it loudly snaps against your body.

"Just lay back and let me do the rest, love. I'll take care of this myself."

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu smut #iwaizumi #iwaizumi smut #iwaizumi x reader #HERE YOU GO!! #I'll will not be able to finish all the fics this month T.T #but I'm free after Thursday for two weeks- like I still have classes but no work! <3 #So I'll manage to write them over the weekend hopefully! <3 #I hope you enjoyed reading this! <3 #I found it quite challenging to write this to be honest #I really hope that this is okay #I'll post the next one on Wednesday #I'll also put that in the masterlist #don't want to keep anyone waiting T.T

[potter-imagines]

Family Sleepover

Pairing: Choso Kamo x Reader

Prompt: A relaxing friday night for Choso and Y/n takes a turn when Choso's little brother, Yuji, has a nightmare leading to a family sleepover.

Word Count: 5.8k

Warning: modern Choso and reader, non sorcerer world setting, mentions of drinking and smoking, otherwise mainly fluff!

Notes: love love love choso, he doesn't get enough attention in writes so hopefully i'll have more choso x reader to come! <3 (gif credit to @fushiguro)

Rainfall smacked against the shingles on the roof while the weather outside only grew worse. A majority of souls dreaded nights filled with storming rain, although Y/n never truly understood why. Not only did the ‘disgusting’ weather provide her the perfect excuse to remain indoors, the cracks of lighting and the booming of thunder set a cozy mood as the rain poured down from the skies outside. The light from the flashing television brightened the darkened room to a glowing haze. Choso had his arm thrown over his girlfriend’s body and his back pressed up against the black headboard as Y/n curled herself into his side, her hands resting neatly on his chest. 

It was a typical Friday night for the couple after an exhausting week for the both of them. Choso had put in three grueling nights of overtime while Y/n had run herself thin juggling her final semester of college writing three separate ten page essays and studying for finals between her part time job. 

Instead of going out until the early hours of the morning bar hopping and clubbing like most couples their age, the two preferred the more intimate occasions of peaceful bliss wrapped in each other’s hold. Besides, babysitters weren’t cheap and between keeping up with rent, having enough food on the table, gas to get to work, bills and buying new clothes for a never ending growing boy, there wasn’t a surplus of funds left over to pay some high schooler to watch little Yuji every weekend night. 

Yuji was the youngest of Choso’s brothers, his only surviving family member in fact. Shortly after his eighteenth birthday his entire family perished in an electrical fire that tore through his childhood home. The cause was natural yet their deaths hardly felt so. His mother had passed away in the hospital a day after the fire, while his little brother was the only member she could manage to stumble out of the home with. Yuji was a few months old at the time, and if he hadn’t still been sleeping in the bassinet next to their parent’s bed, Choso was sure he would’ve perished as well. He had received a call only hours after the fire was put out, being miles away at university, he rushed to his hometown immediately to discover the life changing news. 

That tragic event was four years ago and ever since, Choso has been raising his youngest brother alone- well, they were alone, until through friends, Choso was introduced to Y/n. The couple met at nineteen and had been going strong since, much to his surprise. Choso struggled in the dating field prior to being a near ‘single dad’, and now that he had his kid brother to look after, he naturally assumed he’d never find a partner.

However Y/n proved herself different from any woman he’d ever met, and Yuji adored her. From the child's second birthday on, Y/n had been an essential part of their lives and she had no intentions of leaving, which she once again proved by blowing Choso’s mind and signing on to lease a small three bedroom home alongside him and Yuji. Three years later now and the couple were raising Yuji like a stable, healthy family, and Choso couldn’t be more grateful to have her in both of their lives. 

Typical wasn’t an adjective that fit like a puzzle in their dictionary but they still tried to act like a normal 23 year old couple, hence the half full wine glasses sat on either side of the bed and the tightly packed pre roll waiting patiently on Choso’s side. Sure, they had a crazy five year old to look after, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t allowed to indulge in a bit of fun themselves, right?

A mutual favorite horror film of the couples was playing in the background. Y/n laid peaceful alongside Choso and the two cuddled on one another underneath the heavy stack of blankets. H/c hair tickled his skin as Choso situated his chin on the crown of her skull. Screams streamed from the television as a helpless victim took their chance at running through the winding forest trying to escape the crazed killer. Y/n’s body jerked as the girl managed to trip over a perfectly placed tree root and went stumbling down a large, leaf filled hill. The actress cried in fright as the killer stood at the top of the embankment, staring down at her disheveled state. Choso stole a peep down at his girlfriend, a rare smile coating his lips as he noticed her fully clinging to his naked chest. Once the girl was murdered and the screen cut to a new scene, her body visibly relaxed as her hold loosened. 

Choso smirked at the action, his lips finding their way to the top of her head, placing a small kiss as his arms pulled her closer. He could feel her hands absentmindedly tracing patterns against his chest while her eyes were glued to the horror movie on the television. Every once in a while her frame would flinch against his as a new victim was slain and killed, making him laugh to himself at her jumpy nature. Not everyone found horror movies ‘relaxing’, so to say, but for the couple, it was their idea of an unwinding night. 

Y/n shakily picked the wine glass up from the nightstand and took a reasonable gulp on the red liquid, then placed the cup back on the coaster. Her eyes casually shifted to her boyfriend, a mischievous smile playing on her pink lips as she motioned towards the joint resting on his side. Choso understood her thinking, not needing the use of words, and he chuckled. The mood felt all too perfect and the claming drag of a blunt was the bow to tie their night together in a beautifully wrapped present. However, as the saying goes, if something seems too good to be true, chances are it isn’t true. 

Right as Choso went to reach for the bud sitting beside him, a loud, echoing shriek broke through the once mellow air causing both adults to spring in terror. Y/n gasped, sitting up immediately as she looked up to Choso who was already throwing the comforter off and his legs off the side of the bed to stand. 

“Shit…” He cursed. Another scream hit the air as Choso grabbed the nearest shirt he could find and threw it on. Watching as he hurriedly redressed, Y/n extended her hand to flick the bedside lamp on, a worried hint to her tired gaze. 

“Is that Yuuji?” Concern laced her words as Y/n watched her boyfriend throw a random shirt over his head. He nodded towards her, confirming her worry. 

“Mmh, one second, babe. I’ll be right back.” Choso shared a quick kiss with his girl before sliding out the bedroom door. Stepping into the hall he quietly flipped on the ceiling light and walked the few steps to his brother’s room. Yuji’s door was decorated in various drawings, stickers, and paintings the young boy had made, making it hard to miss. The door was closed shut, but that didn’t stop the sound of muffled sobs and shaky breathing from breaking through. Twisting the golden knob, Choso slowly creaked the door open as he peeked his head around the wooden frame.

From his spot in the doorway Choso could see a small lump under the covers that was shaking like a leaf in a storm, much like the raging thunderstorm occurring outside the home. Entering the room, he quietly made his way into the bedroom and sat his body on the edge of the bed, careful as to not startle his younger brother. Choso reached his hand out to rub along what appeared to be the child’s back as he whispered, 

“Hey, little man. Everything alright?”

The heavy blanket was ripped from the boy’s body at the sound of his savior’s voice as Yuji flung himself to his big brother’s arms, grasping at his shirt while his teary eyes leaked against the cotton. 

“Choso!” He cried out. An iron grip clutched at his skin, tiny hands searching for stability in his hold.

“I’m here, don’t worry. Why’re you crying?” Choso hugged his body close to his chest, his large hand running up and down Yuji’s back in an attempt to comfort him. The small boy buried his head in his shoulder as the broken sobs continued. 

“I-I had a-a bad dream a-and the thunder w-was so loud my… my whole room was shaking and… and I saw a monster was outside my window with big claws and sharp teeth- he was going to eat me!” Yuji shouted in fear. His voice trembled as he struggled to get his words free from his dry throat.

The image of a terrifying beast perched up on the branch staring at him through his window replayed on a loop in Yuji’s head, his brain creating a scarier image each time he recalled the monster. Tiny fists bundled the shirt between his fingers as Yuji clung to his older brother. Glancing down, Choso leaned back a pull so the boy was forced to look into his dark violet eyes. Despite his usual solemn look, Choso’s features were warmer- more comforting than Yuji had witnessed on the regular. A serious gaze crossed his stare as his thumb wiped a bundle of tears running down the child’s cheeks. 

“Well you know that would never happen. Do you remember what I told you about monsters?” He questioned. Yuji rubbed at his eyes, his head shaking ‘no’ in response. Swiping his thumb across the underside of his leaking eyes, Choso wiped his rampant tears away.

“They’re not real. They’re just in our heads, right?” His finger tapped against his small forehead. “Even if monsters were real, your big brother would never let it eat you, I can promise that.”

Yuji peered up at his brother, his curious wide eyes on full display, as if his big brother had all the answers to life. If Choso told him the grass was blue and the sky was green, he’d believe him. To Yuji, his brother could do no wrong. A twinkle met his large brown eyes as his head tilted to the side,

“You’d beat him up?” He asked hopefully. A crack of a grin broke across his face as Choso nodded in agreement. 

“Mmh.” Choso ruffled the pink of his hair, giving him a reassuring smile. Yuji cuddled himself against his chest once more, previous shaky breaths finally evening out to small hiccups. The redness to his plump cheeks were starting to fade leaving tiny blotches of hysteria in its wake. Those tears that seemed never ending like a rushing waterfall growing into quiet sniffles. 

A steady silence filled the room until Yuji pulled his head away from Choso’s now damp shirt. With nervous eyes he hesitantly looked down to his fidgeting hands. Rubbing his palm against his heated skin, Choso wordlessly urged his kid brother to speak up, knowing there was clearly something swimming around his mind. Reaching out for the plush brown bear, Yuji held it to his chest as he inhaled steadily. 

“Can… can I sleep in your bed, please big brother?” The flush of innocence to his tone was a gentle reminder to Choso that although his little brother was rather brave for his age, he was still only five years old and sometimes, extra reassurance was required. 

“Sure, kiddo.”

Yuji leapt towards Choso, his small arms encircling his brother’s neck as he let out a cheer of delight. Smiling to himself, Choso plucked the blue star blanket he knew the child struggled to sleep without and stood from the bed. Yuji’s head laid against his shoulder as the pair started walking towards the master bedroom. Choso flicked the hallway light off and turned the handle to his room, stepping into the darkness with his brother in his hold. 

The small lamp on her bedside was still lit as the two brothers entered the room, the sudden presence capturing Y/n’s attention. Choso didn’t fail to notice the smile that graced her beautiful features as she caught sight of the pink haired boy in his grasp, and the way her arms opened up on instinct. A gasp of excitement broke from Yuji’s chest as he met the eyes of his second favorite person in the world. 

“Y/n!” Yuji shouted. Shaking from Choso’s arms, he scrambled against the fluffy duvet as he crawled to Y/n. A large grin illuminated on his face as he fell into her welcoming embrace. “Big brother is letting me sleep in his bed- do you think we can snuggle?”

His strawberry scented hair tickled against her chin as Yuji buried himself further in her chest, cheeks still slightly damp from his crying from before now pressed to her skin. Y/n drew her nails up and down his spine, scratching his back as one comforting their young would do, then kissed the side of his head. 

“Of course, baby.” 

Choso reached out for Yuji from behind and lifted him, allowing Y/n room to pull the blanket down so he could sneak in beside her. Once Yuji was under the covers he yanked the dark material up and settled in below his chin, his arms falling above the blanket then effortlessly positioned himself on his side so his little body was nearly attached to Y/n’s. Yuji innocently cradled his face into the warmth of her chest. Y/n giggled at his forwardness and wrapped her hold around him, pulling Yuji closer and kissing his ruby cheek, to which the boy snuggled in closer. 

Choso couldn’t resist the chuckle that broke from his chest making the tattoo line across the bridge of his nose scrunch in amusement as he watched how easy his brother made himself at home in the bedroom he shared with his girlfriend. Yuji pranced in the room and fixed himself up in Choso’s bed next to his girlfriend like he owned the place- like he was the one paying rent. Tugging his shirt off, Choso threw the cotton to the side as he slipped into his side of the bed and shot Y/n an apologetic look. 

“I’m sorry, angel. Yuuji had a nightmare then was certain he saw a monster outside his window so he’s pretty shaken up.” 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize for taking care of him, Cho. There’s plenty of room for all three of us up here.”

Choso’s eyes drifted to his nightstand, purple orbs landing on the sealed up backwoods as he mentally cursed himself, thank god Yuji hadn’t noticed it or Y/n was sure to chew his ass out. Looks like they’d have to save their smoke session for another night. Sliding open the bedside drawer, Choso swept the pre roll into the cupboard and shut it, tossing the blue lighter in alongside. The wine swayed in the glass from the movement, and he pushed it back a few inches so it was completely out of Yuji’s reach. 

Turning his attention back to the two Choso nudged his finger against the chubby texture of his little brother’s cheek. 

“But you’re coming in here to sleep, okay Yuuji? It’s bedtime, not playtime.” Yuji obediently bobbed his head in agreement, a twinkle of mischievousness sparking in his eyes. Choso knew that gleam all too well. Overall his kid brother was a relatively good listener, but there was always some catch, and when it came to bedtime, Yuji’s catch was his ability to ask a million and one questions before actually falling asleep. Y/n bit the inside of her cheek to keep from letting a laugh escape. Yuji was too sweet. Tapping his finger at Y/n’s arm, the small boy gestured towards the tv. 

“Can I watch a little of your movie to go to sleep?” His question was suppressed by his face being shoved into Y/n’s neck, but the words were clear enough. Y/n glanced at her boyfriend, an uncertain raise to her brows. Before he could decline his brother’s request, she shook her head softly. 

“Well… it’s sort of scary… maybe we should put something different on until you’re asleep.”

Instead of changing the channel, Choso opted for turning the volume down. It was a film he’d seen a thousand times over and he knew there wouldn’t be another scary scene for a good fifteen minutes, which opened the perfect window of sleep for Yuji. Unlike Choso who required a minimum of thirty minutes until sleep could greet him, Yuji could fall asleep at the drop of a pin, and based on the droopiness to his eyes, sleep didn’t seem too far off for him. 

“How ‘bout you try closing your eyes for sleep and we can have a fun movie day tomorrow, alright? Y/n and I are gonna go to bed soon, too.” Choso promised. The young boy tilted his head up towards his big brother, almost searching his features for any sign of lies, but Choso only stared back. Once he was sure his brother was telling the truth, Yuji nodded and forced himself to close his large eyes. 

Both adults watched the movie without a word, cautious to give Yuji a fair chance to fall asleep. Images passed on the screen of a seemingly happy family as they began moving into their new home. The children ran around outside the home, giggling and shouting with glee as the parents carried loads of boxes into the home. The scene hadn’t struck either Choso nor Y/n as one of importance as they both knew the ill awaited fate to meet the family, but through half lidded eyes, Yuji’s interest was quipped. The quietness lasted for no longer than a minute when Yuji moved his head, pink hair brushing against Y/n’s chin, and knocked at his brother’s shoulder. 

“Big brother…”

“Hm?” Choso replied. Yuji’s fixation was back on the television screen as he pointed his finger to the image. 

“Are you and Y/n gonna have babies?”

Both heads immediately snapped to the young boy, a gasp of shock sounding from Y/n at the sudden inquiry as her eyebrows shot up towards the sky. If someone was to take a picture of her face, she was sure she’d look like she’d witnessed a ghost. Choso’s mouth hung astoundment, the innocently worded question clearly hitting him like a smack across the face. 

“What?” 

Y/n quietly stared at her boyfriend for help, unsure what to say in response. Yuji on the other hand sat unwavered as he wiggled against her, trying his best to find the most comfortable position. Choso lifted the comforter of the blanket so Yuji had more access to cover his small body, then provided a brief shrug. Giving his girlfriend a look of uncertainty, Choso sighed at the oddly deep question. 

“Not for a while, little man. We’ve already got you to take care of so I think we’ll wait a bit.” Choso spoke softly.

“Oh… okay.” Disappointment flooded his tone. Seeing his face drop in such a sad manner made Choso feel a bit bad for letting him down. Of course the couple planned on having children, it was a topic they’d discussed more times than they could count, but it wasn’t necessarily a priority at the moment for either of them. Choso wanted Yuji in school, and Y/n to have her dream wedding to him before either of them seriously took action to have children of their own. In the meantime, they certainly enjoyed practicing the baby making process- but Yuji didn’t need to know about all that. 

Yet it seemed Yuji’s curiosity was not quite settled as he once again tapped Choso on the shoulder,

“Big brother?”

“Yeah?” He tiredly mumbled out. Y/n laughed at the exasperation in Choso’s voice. It was no secret, Yuji had hit that age where his questions and curiosity had no end. Every meal was filled with a game of 21 questions asking what was in the food, how was it made, where did the ingredients come from, why does it call for carrots and not chocolate, and so on. His mind had no limits, and most of the time, Choso was grateful for that, except for now when Yuji was meant to be asleep, not firing inquiries left and right. Stealing a glance to Y/n over his shoulder, Yuji turned back to his big brother, a shade of scarlet painting his skin. 

“Can I marry Y/n when I’m a big kid like you?” Large brown eyes bore up at Choso as Yuji hugged his teddy closer, a faint blush flushing his cheeks. Choso was aware of his little brother’s crush on his girlfriend, and honestly, he couldn’t blame the kid. Y/n was attentive, caring, selfless, kind hearted, and not to mention gorgeous, so he could see plain as day why Yuji had a crush on his girlfriend. Still, the question knocked him back a step in surprise. Tonight's line of thoughts racing around the child’s mind seemed larger than normal. 

“I’m sorry, little man but I was planning on marrying Y/n. I don’t think it’d be very fair if you stole her from me, do you?” His brows pulled together into a thin line at his brother’s new inquiry. First babies, now he wanted to marry Y/n? Choso was scared to hear what Yuji had up his sleeve to ask next. The child’s expression went glum once again, a heavy pout coating his pink lips. 

“No… I guess not… I just really like to snuggle with her…” He admitted. His confession brought a cheesy grin to Y/n’s face. Yuji had always been adorable to her but now she found him even more of a sweetheart. Arms still wrapped around him, Y/n pulled Yuji in further to give him a hug, which he happily accepted. 

“You can always snuggle with me, bubs, but I’ll bet when you’re a big kid like your brother, you’re gonna meet a pretty girl you’d rather cuddle with instead.” Y/n laughed slightly as she glanced down at the young boy. She found it irresistibly adorable Yuji had developed a crush on her, but she also knew it was sure to fade as he grew, nonetheless, it was one of the cutest things to her. Kissing his temple, Y/n gave him one last squeeze then loosened her grip as a loud huff tumbled from Yuji’s parted lips. 

“Not true! You’re the prettiest girl ever! I don’t want another girl- gross!” Yuji’s tongue fell from his mouth as he made an absurd gagging sound. In his mind, the idea of snuggling another girl was the most disgusting thing he’d ever heard- but snuggling his big brother’s girlfriend? Now that was a totally different story. Choso sent a flick to the side of Yuji’s head, snickering to himself as the boy yelped and grasped for the point of impact. 

“We’ll see if you change your mind, how ‘bout that?” Yuji shook his head ‘yes’, agreeing to his brother’s words. Y/n suppressed a giggle as she looked over to Choso, amused by his twinge of annoyance at what she found to be adorably harmless questions from Yuji.

While Choso quietly pondered over his brother’s words, the small boy seemed to be warming up to the idea of bedtime. Yuji’s big eyes were casually drooping lower and lower with every blink he took. 

“I think someone is sleepy…” Y/n’s tone was teasing as she poked the chub of Yuji’s cheek. His usual hyperactive nature was calmed down to a simmer, and Y/n could feel him sinking into her hold. Not much longer and she was sure he’d be out like a light. As if reading her mind the young boy let out a loud yawn.

“I’m just gonna close my eyes for a little bit.” Yuji seemed to be making the promise more to himself than anyone else. Choso nodded, feigning belief, his brown strands threatened to slip from the rubber tie holding his hair in two loose spiky ponytails as he moved his head. 

“Okay, kid. I believe you.” Choso smirked.

Twisting his body, Yuji pressed his back against Y/n’s chest. She wrapped her hold around his smaller frame, allowing his little arms to lay ontop of hers, then reached his other hand out to hold the edge of his brother’s pillow. Choso could feel his tiny legs folded, Yuji’s knee pressing against his side. The kid was never one for a normal sleeping position, Choso thought to himself. 

Nuzzling his head against the plush mattress, Yuji peaked his eyes open and gave his brother a soft smile. The hand clutching Y/n’s arm gave a squeeze as his sleepy voice mumbled,

“I love you, big brother… I love you, Y/n…” 

“I love you too, Yuji, sweet dreams.” Y/n leaned down to press a loving kiss to the boy’s forehead. Pulling away, she brought her hand up to stroke at his light pink strands. Choso smiled to himself at the sight, then reached his hand out to pinch at the excess of skin on his little brother’s cheek. 

“Love you, little man. Sleep tight.”

A stillness enveloped the room in a circle of quietness, the sound of Yuji’s faint breathing followed by light snores being the only steady sound. Choso waited a few minutes before reaching for the remote and turning the volume up slightly, their mutual resistance to having Yuji listening in now wiped clean. Although both had their outward attention focused on the movie playing, neither were mentally zeroed in on it. In fact, they were both thinking about the same thing, thinking about what Yuji had said; having kids, getting married, spending the rest of their lives together. 

Of course this was a common thought that roamed around in Choso’s head, he had just never realized he wasn’t the only one who thought about it. Cracking a smirk, Choso settled his arm around the middle pillow supporting Yuji and placed his hold on Y/n’s shoulders. His fingers unintentionally tickled her skin and her body subconsciously melted into his touch. Letting out a chuckle, Choso turned his head in her direction, 

“Can’t believe my kid brother is trying to steal my girl from me.” Y/n laughed at his remark, amused by the idea of Yuji wanting to marry her when he grows up. It was a sweet gesture in her eyes and made her feel grateful that he held such a high opinion on her. Of course, it was his elder brother Y/n planned to wed, the thought meant the absolute world to her. 

“I don’t know, babe, give it a few years and he just might do it.”

Choso lolled his head to the side, a look of idiocy gracing his features as he rolled his eyes. Grabbing her free hand he brought her fingers up to his face and pressed his lips against her ring finger. Although the finger was bare of jewelry at the moment, Choso was determined to change that fact soon. Without Y/n’s knowledge Choso had been saving a portion of his work checks on the side, saving for a sparkling diamond ring to adorned her hand.

Knowing his girlfriend, Y/n would accept a bread bag tie or a ring pop even. Money wasn’t something they were swimming in, and she loathed the rare occurrences Choso would splurge on her. However, Choso wanted her to have a diamond ring- no, he needed her to have one. After all she had helped him through, all the times she had been there for him and his brother, Choso wanted her to see how much he truly appreciated her, so no ordinary ring would do for him, it needed to be perfect. Laying her hand against his chest, Choso narrowed his gaze playfully. 

“You’re talking like I won’t have a ring on that pretty finger and you tied down to me by then.” Laughing at his statement Y/n simply shook her head at him. 

“I’m already tied down to you, Choso. You’re stuck with me forever.” Y/n teased, sticking her tongue out momentarily to tease him. She knew if he had asked her to marry him right then, she’d say yes, zero hesitation in her answer. It was no secret that she planned on spending the rest of her life by his side. 

“Good, ‘cause I wasn't planning on letting you go.”

Yuji stirred between them, faint groans of tiredness breaking from his lips as his body jerked in his sleep. Y/n retracted her hand from Choso’s body and soothingly ran her fingers up and down the child’s back, silently lulling him back to his peaceful sleep. Yuji cuddled further into her hold, a sigh of contentment escaping his parted lips. Choso watched the two, his heart fluttering as Y/n effortlessly brought comfort to his brother without even a word. 

Glancing up to her quiet boyfriend, Y/n sent him a sweet smile.

“Are you staying up for a while?”

“Yeah, I’m not too tired yet but I won’t be too late.” He nodded. It was no secret Choso had adopted a poor habit of staying awake until the sun rose, especially on the weekends. No matter how much effort Y/n devoted to breaking this habit, it lived on.

Propping herself on her elbow, and cautious for the child in between, Y/n reached across the space between the couple. Receiving the unspoken message loud and clear, Choso turned his face, allowing opportunity for their lips to touch as he kissed her sweetly. The exchange was short and loving, but Choso took every advantage of the moment as he relished in the feeling of his lover pressed against him. His lips greeted hers in a passionate embrace, despite their awkward positioning. A tiny hint of a smile cracked through her lips as Y/n pushed her lips against his, gentle yet determined to prove her love, which he effortlessly felt. Pulling apart, Y/n grinned up at him as she leaned back into her spot on the bed, snuggling up against her pillow. Blinking her e/c eyes up to him, a stroke of red flushed her s/c cheeks as she blushed. Y/n could spend the rest of her life kissing her lover and still would never grow old of the butterflies his lips released inside her soul. 

“Okay,” She whispered. “Turn the tv off at a good time, you had a long day.” Choso’s hand ran along the top of her head, petting at her hair with a gentle smile. His insides fuzzed at the sincerity to her words. The caring nature Y/n held always had him feeling so loved and looked out for, it truly meant the world to him. 

“Thanks, pretty girl. You’re always taking care of me… well, us.” He gazed down at his sleeping brother. Y/n leaned further into his loving strokes as she reached her arm gently across Yuji’s body to lay still against Choso’s chest. The action was simple, but the effectiveness was strong. A chorus of chills danced down his spine at her touch to his bare skin. There was no element of sexualizing to her touch, no hidden agenda, no further want but a safe place to rest.

“You say that as if two don’t take care of me as well. We all need each other.” Y/n argued. A comfortable silence greeted the pair as Choso basked in the comfort of her hand against his skin. The movie on the TV played on deaf ears while Y/n’s eyes slowly grew heavy in weight.

Reaching around his shoulder Choso grabbed the wine glass from the night stand, bringing the glass to his lips he sipped the red liquid, feeling his body relax at the taste. Red wine had always been a favorite of his, a taste Y/n had developed a liking to after multiple tries of her lover convincing her it was the superior choice. Many things had changed in her life after Choso and Yuji, such as red wine over white, nights in over nights out, and sharing the bed over sleeping alone. 

Choso set the glass down, opening his mouth to make a remark about how the chilled beverage was now warm and apologize once again for the bump in their night, when he was suddenly taken aback by the look on his lover's face- the love pouring from just one look. 

“About tonight-” A quick roll of the eyes and a motion of the hand caused Choso’s words to fall flat against his tongue. 

“Don’t. I wouldn’t choose anything over this.” Y/n smiled.

Careful for the boy laid between them, both leaned across the mattress, unable to resist the need to feel her once more, allowing their lips to meet in the middle. Choso’s hand curled around the side of her face, his thumb caressing the skin as his lips devoted all the passion and love his heart could express. His soft kiss brought a sense of home to Y/n, her hold clasping on the back of his neck, not allowing a chance to break. She swore she could feel her heart physically warming as his lips moved against hers, savoring every moment of his love. Every kiss they shared held a piece of their love, yet this one was received stronger. 

Pulling away, Y/n leaned her forehead against his, quickly pressing a final ‘goodnight’ kiss to the corner of his lips, causing a smile to rise. Even in the poorly lit room Y/n could see the red rush of blood to his cheeks. Leaning back she cozied herself underneath the heap of blankets, allowing Yuji to cling to her once more in his asleep state. Resting fully against her pillow, Y/n looked up to Choso one last time before allowing her heavy eyes to finally shut for the night. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, angel.” Choso whispered through the still air. 

It didn’t take long for her even breathing to be heard and he was certain she had fallen asleep alongside his brother. Silently slipping out his phone from his side Choso snapped a series of photos of the two snuggled against one another, a grin adorning his lips as he did so. Yeah, he thought, I’m putting a ring on that finger real soon.

#choso x reader #choso kamo #jjk choso #choso kamo x reader #choso imagine #jjk imagine #jjk #jjk x reader #yuji itadori #yuji #yuji x reader #yuji itadori x reader #choso #gojo #geto #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

#oh and if anyone knows where i can stream mob wives uncensored without paying any extra money i'd love you forever lol #that is unimportant- unless y'all find it important that i have access to all of my most influential pieces of media at all times IJSAYING! #jk jk ofc <3 thank you for reading #conspiracy in emerson #if cie #progress #cie ch 3

[wellspokenrambler]

Rambler @ PAX East 2024

Hi folks! I just got back from PAX East over the weekend and, while I didn't really take part in the Expo Hall besides a couple of stalls, I did go to a decent number of panels - and thought it was worth writing up my thoughts on each of them. The only thing I love more than playing video games is hearing people talk about video games!

(I didn't take notes while I was there so this will be certainly more of a "vibes"-based assessment and why each one appealed to me personally, so apologies if you came here looking for a more objective description of each panel! I'll put links to the VOD of each panel where available)

Panels and thoughts below the read-more (it's long as heck! get ready):

Metroid: A Community Retrospective and Look Toward the Future

Having only played Metroid Prime 3: Corruption and Metroid: Dread in my time, I wouldn't call myself a hardcore fan - but they are both games I've really enjoyed, and Samus Aran's pivotal positioning as a female character in video gaming history is always fascinating to me, so I had to check this one out.

It's so surreal to see the ways that a community like this had to adapt to long "dry spells" without any official new material for their fandom, and the joy that follows when something like Dread comes along to reaffirm their love for it. I don't know that I learned anything new from this panel myself, but it was still heartening to hear the panellists' clear passion for the games, and it does make me want to dip my toes into other Metroids (at the very least, the other two Prime games!)

Unlocking the Positive Potential of Gaming for Kids and Teens

I hadn't originally planned to go to this one, but met two of the panellists (Dr. David Bickham and Sam Schamm, MA) while eating brunch by the food trucks, and hearing them briefly discuss the subject matter fascinated me enough that I decided to pop along to it.

This was a deeply insightful panel on the ways that gaming can meaningfully help young people and foster their learning, agency, critical thinking, and other useful life skills - as well as thoughts on how to help them through the risks associated with gaming such as toxic multiplayer communities or, for want of a better word, the addictive potential of gaming. Having previously worked in a job which involved helping teenagers make informed decisions about their futures myself, it meant a lot to me to see serious academic thought being given to the subject given how prevalent gaming is as part of a child's social life these days. Excellent panel!

Mental Health and Gaming - Creating a Safe Space for Yourself and Others

While a difficult topic, I am nevertheless glad that I went to this panel as it covered the way that streamers and other "community figures" can navigate the creation of a safe space in the form of their community while also maintaining effective boundaries within that space. Of particular interest to me was reframing some of the language that often gets used in this context e.g. "trauma-dumping" and unpacking our own biases when dealing with uncomfortable situations.

If I had any minor criticisms of the panel, it would be that some of the suggestions occasionally felt like they veered a little too far into the side of... I guess trying to fix the lives of strangers? Now, in the interests of fairness I shall state my own biases that lead to this feeling, because it is not that I do not care about what happens to people: it is precisely because I've had to manage my own proclivity towards hyper-empathy in the past that I tend to take a step back from my emotions on that regard these days. Caring is good, but caring to the point of self-destruction helps no-one, and that to me feeds into what the panel was saying about boundary maintenance.

My own community is a small handful of regulars and a couple of hundred followers so this has not been something I need to worry about yet, but the panel has hopefully given me some tools with which to manage those situations if they ever arise, and for that I am thankful.

How Our Favorite Characters Have Real World Impacts on Us: A Look into Fictional Characters and ParaSocial Relationships

FASCINATING panel. I originally went to this because of my memories of being in the Gorillaz fandom and the weird and wonderful (and sometimes ugly) ways people interacted with the idea of the fictional band members in that space... But the conversation proved to cover a broad spectrum both of what constitutes a parasocial relationship AND what constitutes a fictional character; the panellists made the case that the personas of content creators and streamers themselves counted as fictional characters, and I think they are absolutely bang-on with that.

From my end as a Z-list Player of Games Online, even I am presenting a more polished version of myself there than I would have in the rest of my life - it's not "not me", but it's certainly not all of me, and that is enough to make "Well-Spoken Rambler" a somewhat distinct entity from the person who portrays them.

The inclusion of internet personalities into their definition ALSO meant, however, that at the Q&A I got to name-drop one of my favourite journal articles that I've read this year: The one-and-a-half sided parasocial relationship: The curious case of live streaming. This article holds deeply interesting connotations to me because of what it implies about the "half" of the one-and-a-half... which is that of course, behind the fiction of a "creator" is the person who creates, and that person is just as capable of developing fictionalised ideas of the people in their community (though with a more removed and likely self-aware perspective on it). The panellists had heard of the article and mentioned it was on their to-read list, but agreed it tied in well with the themes of the panel!

(... And yet the reason I was able to re-find the article so quickly is because I had linked it to a creator in a Patreon Direct Message a couple months ago because I thought it would be interesting to them... The irony is not lost on me. More on that later.)

Debate Club with Mari and PeeGTV

This was just a fun old time! I wasn't familiar with Mari or PG before watching this panel, but they have such a fun rapport here that I want to try and watch them more regularly now that I know of them. Jenna Stoeber acted as a firm but fair adjudicator of the panel - and I am definitely not just saying that because she is a recent convert to the Rambler channel and was pleasant and kind when we bumped into each other on the expo floor. She did a great job letting both sides of the debate (Millennial horror vs Gen Z horror) shine. If you listen closely around the 34 minute mark, you may hear a familiar little British voice raise a point about how you can't judge a horror by its synopsis!

Thinking Differently Together: Neurodivergence & Gaming

Folks... I am so so glad that there is a much greater emphasis on self-advocacy these days than there used to be. Look! Look at all those ND creators talking about their experiences and being listened to!! Look how it has a VOD so I can just link it and you can all see it too!!! Conversations like this one in a major event like PAX are a hopeful sign to me that progress is being fought for and won.

Only minor critiques for this one are:

could have used some discussion about more than just the usual ADHD/autism bracket that is discussed when it comes to neurodiversity (but then I think that about most ND discussions)

would personally have liked some chat about accessibility concerns while creating/streaming and neurodivergent (e.g. personally had to tweak my lighting because it was overstimulating me while I streamed)

Otherwise great panel!

Bridging the Gender Gap (13+)

Another great panel for encouraging diversity in the games industry - I appreciated the intersectionality of this one as well as the honest discussions about the ways in which things still need to be made *considerably* better throughout all corners of gaming. The panel also discusses actionable steps which could be taken to improve on these issues.

Surprised at myself for not having much to say about this one! I just think the panellists did a really good and succinct job at talking about the subject.

A Hunter's Dream: Bloodborne and Transness

I enjoyed this panel a whole lot - Having watched a playthrough of Bloodborne last year, hearing two trans women discussing the different trans allegories and interpretation of the characters and themes and lore of the game felt absolutely correct, even if it wasn't "canon".

If one was being pedantic one could call this the least polished of the panels I went to, but I honestly don't think that matters tremendously because both panellists were so utterly sincere about what they were covering that it carried the panel. You could easily tell just how much the subject matter meant to the two and it in turn meant a lot to me that they were willing to share it with a bunch of strangers as we were.

And then...

Um, Actually: The Panel

Hoooooo boy.

So remember earlier when I mentioned the irony of using Patreon DMs to grab an article about nonstandard parasocial interactions?

[ID: a meme image of Morpheus from the Matrix saying "What if I told you the guy I sent that article to is at a PAX East panel"]

So of course the panel for the Dropout show Um, Actually was being hosted by its two new presenters, Ify Nwadiwe and Brian David Gilbert:

Ify had been a wonderful host so far, and I really enjoy his work in general (especially his stint recently on Very Important People), so I was looking forward to meeting him.

...And then there's Brian, who has been streaming on Twitch for just under the past four years and who in that time has been subject to hundreds of my fun facts, insightful commentaries, and helpful actions (which he very much appreciated). That, alongside regularly taking part in Patreon livestreams, has led to a strange situation where I would not consider us friends, but we... don't not know each other? but we also don't know each other? Which is why the "one-and-a-half-sided" description in that article and the panel about parasocialness appealed to me (and why I sent the article to him too).

So of course when this panel got announced I wasn't gonna miss it. I really enjoyed what I've seen of Ify's hosting and Brian's fact-finding so far, and I wasn't gonna miss the chance to see the two chat about it - nor to potentially meet the guy who helped me raise £500 for ASAN last year.

But, turns out I wasn't the only one enthused by the panel, because it was Absolutely Rammed, like, an hour and a half before the panel started. I got lucky in that I managed to end up somewhere in the middle of the pack and got into the panel at all, but good grief did it remind me how I don't do well in crowds (even well-managed crowds, thank you PAX Enforcers xx).

It caused me to reflect a lot on the perceived casualness with which I interacted with Brian on Twitch versus the material reality of the level of interest from a LOT of people which he manages. It's the kind of thing which makes me wish to never become famous, because I don't know that I'd have it in me to manage that level of attention from everyone - even the very occasional instance of people recognising me online FROM Brian's streams and acting like it's a big deal always throws me off a bit (this has happened to me several times, I'm not even kidding!)

But then of course the Enforcers got us all in neatly and sweetly, and the panel was a delight! It was fun to hear Ify and Brian (and Jenna!!) talk about working on the show and the kinds of things they enjoyed putting in and what to expect next - such as another new season after the current one, as it deserves.

There was also a live session of Um, Actually questions which was at the time enjoyable, but since then numerous allegations of cheating and defamation have come to light against one of the participants, Gabe Hicks, and it is disheartening that something as grievous as this could have been going on that very weekend. I hope that justice and reparations can be made for the people affected by this, and I am going to move on out of courtesy to those involved.

After the panel, a meet-and-greet line formed for both Ify and Brian outside of the theatre and I was able to join it - it also felt important to me that I follow the proper procedures and not assume any privileges, since I know full well how that kind of thing can read and wanted to put my best foot forward, so to speak.

The play-by-play of our eventual meeting is as follows:

I greeted Ify first on purpose to let him know that he was doing a great job as the new Um, Actually host and I liked him in VIP

I then went to greet Brian, but at that point he had very blatantly already cottoned onto who I was and seemed very enthusiastic that I was there. I didn't feel any sense of star-struckedness, it was more like that sense of when you talk to someone online and then meet them in person - surreal, but not stressful.

Jenna took that moment to gently interrupt so she could rendezvous with the two men before the line ended - seemingly because of our vague familiarity and prior assumption of goodwill on our parts

I made sure to pass along some greetings from a few Discord servers formed around Brian's Twitch streams I was in, which Brian appreciated, and gave him a small gift which I brought with me - a small bottle of vivid iridescent nail polish (Ciaté London's "Forbidden Fruit", sadly out of production now), since nail painting and structural colour is somewhat of a shared interest of ours

Brian made sure to specifically compliment me on my shirt, to which I admitted the reason I wore it was because I knew Brian was the only person there who would appreciate it fully: it was from a game of Tee KO we played on Patreon at the end of 2022, which Brian won using a VERY existential t-shirt illustrated by myself:

(sidenote, after repeated success with these silly skeletons in subsequent games of Tee KO, I am very close to just selling my own legally-distinct skeleton shirt if I ever have a merch page)

Finally, I asked if we three could cap off the meeting with a video'd selfie, to which they graciously obliged me:

Having filmed what can only be described as a Cannes-worthy masterpiece, I said my goodbyes to them and made my way to the next panel...

The PAX Panel Show

...Which was just in the same theatre as the last panel, and with Jenna hosting and Brian on the panel. What a glorious event! I am so sad this one didn't get recorded - a truly deranged set of questions, including Portmantoad (guessing which video games have had their names spliced together based on the description of the resulting fusion), Ornstein and Sullivan (guessing whether a named character was from a Fromsoft game or from an opera), and a whole bunch of real-world questions about farming?? Joke's on all these city-slicker panellists, I grew up on a smallholding! So I was... actually no better at those farm questions than them. I can't tell you about industrial farming practices, but I can tell you how to hold a chicken! (gently, like a big hamburger).

After the panel, I approached Jenna one last time at the con and suggested that, given the inherent strangeness of our interactions (wherein we have become Twitch mutuals but still at best distant acquaintances) it would be funny if we took a selfie but made out like she was "the fan". She saw the funny side of it:

[ID: a tweet by Well-Spoken Rambler @wellspokentweet reading "Always a pleasure to meet a fan, @the_jenna", below which is a selfie featuring Well-Spoken Rambler and Jenna Stoeber. A reply from Jenna beneath this reads "HONORED TO MEET YOU, BIG FAN <3" in all-caps.]

Play What You Don't Know with DesiQuest

This was my last panel of PAX, and a bit of a last-minute wildcard! After relaying the above events to my good friend Hamish, he told me that his friend Omar would be doing a panel the following day, and that I should go and see it. And I am very glad I did!

It was really heartening to learn that a podcast like DesiQuest exists - a D&D actual play featuring an all-South-Asian cast and touching on the disparate cultures and themes that connect with them and their audience. As someone who is of Sri Lankan descent but without the cultural upbringing, it's something that appeals to me personally as another way to try and reconnect with that heritage. Definitely catching up on this one over the week!

I also got to say hi to Omar from Hamish, and it was a nice bonding moment cut short by my having to BOOK IT to a water taxi and conclude my time in Boston for good.

...

Phew!

Well, thanks for reading all of that if you did! It was a weekend that was at once fun, interesting, and thought-provoking. I still don't consider myself someone who seeks out big events, but being much more free and able to take part in those kinds of things now is super refreshing and I hope at some point (though not in the immediate future, boy was that expensive) I will be able to go again! Or at least do other events like that. Possibly something a bit quieter, but conventions don't usually run in flavours of "quiet", haha. Perhaps next time I'll bring business cards to recklessly self-promote better with.

See you around!

-Rambler

#pax east 2024

[k--havok]

sorry ive been dead for the past week+ a LOT has happened again so complaining under the cut i suppose.

2024 keeps giving me whiplash and it's like I cannot get a break. I finished my TMS therapy finally and like. I have no idea if I am doing better or not but at least its over with. I'm dreaming again which is nice. And I finally got my sleeping pills back but I've been off them for so long that I now have to readjust to them and its been kinda difficult. Pair that with all the sleep debt I've accumulated and it's been a bit rough. At the very least this is the first weekend I've had in over a month where I have not been taking 3 hour long naps every day so that's good.

What's not good is the fact my estranged aunt on my dad's side of the family died in what looks to be an OD. Horrible way to go. I was not close to her at all as my dad's side of the family is certifiably nuts and I want nothing to do with them, but now there's an issue with inheritance regarding my aunt. Her older sister, and my other aunt, is supposed to contact me regarding said inheritance as its supposed to be 50/50 but she has not yet. Which is no surprise really as she is a very greedy person and will try and cut me out of whatever I am owed. So I may have to get a lawyer or something. Idk. My mom is going to help me out with this but this is just another headache I will have to deal with. Luckily, due to the TMS therapy, my anxiety is managed so I'm not panicking about this yet but. Still. I just want this to be over with.

My patients at work have also been difficult. Not personality wise but they've just been so complicated. They come to us half-dead on their last legs and it's heartbreaking but with all the comorbidities I can only do so much to help them. I ain't jesus and I cannot perform miracles. I get home from work and just pass out in bed since I'm so emotionally and mentally drained. It doesn't help that I've found out that some of my previous patients have died not long after seeing them and I really do not need to know that. I do not need existential dread at 2:00 AM while staring at brain waves.

Aaand I've just. Been trying to rest I think. I've been so stressed out these past few months that the little brain power I have left over has been going to video games, cooking, and managing my kitten. Writing has been pushed out of the way which is sad as I do have ideas and think about my blorbos often. But I cannot seem to put any of that mental energy into like. Actually fleshing out their stories. Instead I think about stupid shit or smut which is lovely but unhelpful.

Hopefully I'll come back from this mini hiatus soon. Sometimes an epiphany will hit me like a train and I'll jump in feet-first back into writing and interacting here. But it may take a while, as I am an extreme introvert and it's hard for me to interact with more than one or two people at a time.

I'll just. Continue to work on it through therapy and hopefully that will help me along.

#shutuplanx #personal #about me #pls do not reblog this post

[she-daemon]

Office worker AU - Nero x Fem Reader - Chapter 2

Previous chapter here

Summary:

Nero answers the phone, they go on a date, yeah End of this chapter gets spicy

Notes:

Okay okay so I haven't written anything in months (sorry for not posting in like 3 months) but I'm finally back!!! Since its been a while my writing should hopefully be a little better, or at least the smut should be (I have done a lot of uhh *research* lately)

Slight nsfw at the end!! You have been warned!!

After briefly listening to the dial tone, you heard someone pick up.

"Office of Nero Sparda, state your business please..." Its a woman's voice. You're disappointed it wasn't Nero, but its normal for someone like him to have a secretary.

"Hello, this is Y/N of _____ corporation, I was hoping to schedule a progress report meeting with Mr. Sparda ... possibly tomorrow?" Good, you said everything correctly.

"Just a moment please..." You heard her receiver brush against something, and you assumed she was checking Nero's schedule. Hmm. Nero's secretary. Jealous thoughts started to intrude into your mind. You waved them away, but the thought of being his secretary instead of her persisted. Imagine being so close to him ... being in his company all day ... all the things the two of you could get away with. Your thoughts were interrupted by her:

"Sorry, but it seems Mr. Sparda will be busy all day tomorrow. In fact, he doesn't have any available time slots for the rest of the - " Something interrupted her, and she got off the phone again. Was he busy for the rest of the month? Week? You listened closely. Suddenly, you heard a man's voice in the background:

"Who is it?" You heard her say your name, and then shuffling on the other end. Someone spoke.

"Hello? Is this Y/N?" It was Nero. Just hearing his voice talking to you made your heart leap.

"Yes, its me. Your secretary said you'd be busy, so I was wondering when we could arrange a meeting to discuss the progress report?" You knew it was far too early for Nero's team to have made any real progress on the project. Hopefully, he'd get the message.

"Well, I am busy the entire day tomorrow. But maybe I could take overtime and meet you for dinner. How's that sound?"

"Wonderful. I'll see you at Dorsia's." you gleefully replied, "Do you think you could manage 6?"

"Hmm, maybe 7?"

"Oh, okay, sure. I'm free the whole evening to be honest. The whole weekend, even." You cringed a little from how desperate you sounded, but you swore you could hear Nero's lips curl into a smile at those words.

"Guess I'll have to take a look at my plans and maybe take you up on that offer." Thank god he took that with a stride. And after a brief silence, he said:

"See ya then." And hung up. You processed that call, thinking over your brief interaction with him. If you weren't feeling all these stupid, fluffy emotions, you would've been worried about flirting over the work phone, and eavesdroppers. But Nero had you dumbly smitten with him and you were just paranoid anyway - right?.

It was still around midday, so you couldn't get off work just yet. Your mind drifted back to the secretary fantasy. You knew it was impossible to be his secretary because you were busy working for your father. And that was just temporary, until you took over the company anyway. And Nero's company was just an affiliate, you couldn't be transferred even if you wanted to. But still, damn if that wasn't a hot fantasy.

*~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ The next day around 7 *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~

Wearing your nicest (and possibly most alluring) clothes, you entered the familiar high end restaurant. You've been here before for past meetings, but this day was special. 

Looking around, you're almost afraid you won't find Nero. But there he is, dressed in a nicer suit than the one he wears for work, a dark shade of navy, almost black, and a matching light greyish-blue tie. You meet eyes with him and he waves to you, signaling you to join him at a booth.

"Hey, glad to see you here, I just got off work." Nero looks so happy to see you, it fills your heart with joy. You make sure to greet him and let him know you feel the same. You talk about the "progress" of the project for about a solid five minutes until the waiter showed up to take your orders. For yourself, you decided to play it safe and order a Caesar salad with a medium rare steak. Simple, yes, but hopefully still dignified. You didn't have to worry about that for long, because Nero ordered pasta - plain spaghetti and meatballs - and you nearly choked on your water. As if it would save face, the both of you decided to share a bottle of wine, courtesy of Nero (but you were definitely going to pursue Nero for his food choices later).

The two of you were illuminated by the warm yellow lighting of the restaurant. You took a sip of your wine and leaned in toward Nero.

"So, Nero, I saw  you have the same last name as the CEO of your company - Vergil Sparda. Are the two of you related? His nephew maybe?" Nero gave you a questioning look, before responding.

"Ah, you caught me. Vergil's my dad." He surveyed your face for a reaction, and he saw your eyes widen as you connected the dots. The two of you were in the same position, your lives were essentially the same. Trying to build your own career in the shadow of your parents, shunned for who your family was. "Oh, that makes sense. Guess we're in the same spot then. Small world." You could barely contain your excitement, you had so much to talk to him about.

"Haha, as much as I hate it, nepotism really does rule the world." You wanted to know more about Nero - so you asked:

"So how has that affected you or your life? Or... what do you think of it?"

And the two of you fell into a deep conversation about your lives, your pasts, and relating to each other. You really did have a lot in common with Nero. His father had also brought him up to take over the company some day, he also hated his business classes for being too easy (he had graduated a year earlier), and most importantly, the both of you had felt the same loneliness and isolation as a result of being next in line. But now it was clear you had each other, whatever that might imply.

Finally, the waiter returned with the long awaited food. As promised, he handed you a beautifully plated salad beside a tender steak, with various garnishes and sides, and for Nero, a heap of saucy spaghetti and meatballs. They actually made it for him! It still shook you. As a businessman of his level, you never would have expected Nero to order simple pasta and meatballs. Sure, this is an Italian restaurant so it's a valid choice, but still. Not only that, but as he was eating, Nero got sauce all over his mouth, his chin, even a little on his cheeks. Honestly, it was the most adorable things you've ever seen. Besides puppies. But he was kind of a puppy too. Hearing you giggle, Nero stops just as he was scooping another round of pasta and looks up at you.

"What?" he asked cluelessly. 

You didn't say anything, just looked at him, smirking, amused. But he really had no idea.

"C'mon, seriously." Now he was grinning too. It was infectious.

"... you have pasta sauce all over your face." And for a moment he froze, genuinely surprised.  Laughing, you reached for a napkin and wiped the corners of his mouth, like a little kid. It was too much for your heart.  Doing this you froze, with your eyes locked on Nero's, noticing how much you had leaned toward him, how close you were. Nero's cheeks burned a little red, and he averted your gaze. You quickly moved your hand away and blurted out: "Oh! S-sorry about that, I don't know why I did that. It just seemed natural."

"No, no its fine, that one's on me." But there was still an uncomfortable, bashful, silence. "Is there a story behind the spaghetti and meatballs?" You interjected, cutting the silence short. It was almost like you flipped a switch, because Nero's face lit up enthusiastically and he began to explain how it was his favorite food, how he'd been eating it since childhood, how Kyrie used to cook it for him... Wait, Kyrie? *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ A few hours later *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~

The two of you decided to head to a bar, after the restaurant nearly kicked you out for sitting there so long.

Nero was a bit of a lightweight, you had noticed, and you could see he definitely had his share of alcohol for the night. So did you.  "I think we've both had enough for tonight. " "Mmmyeah." Nero slurred. Unlike you, it seemed like he had a nice buzz going. Lucky him, because you only felt woozy. The two of you hailed a taxi, and it quickly became clear that you were going to end up escorting Nero to his home. The two of you entered the taxi cab, and as Nero barely managed to tell his address to the driver, you worried that this whole thing was too forward, but it was too late to turn back. That, and Nero was glued to you.

"Aww, you were gone for so long~" Nero crooned into your neck, half tipsy, half asleep. "I missed you~..." The warm breath tickled your neck, and you had to suppress a little squeak from escaping your lips when you felt his mouth just barely graze your skin. That was new, and it was nice.

You kept looking at his chest, his tie coming more and more undone with every drunken sway of his, seemingly shifting with the movements of the car. It was so ... distracting. The looseness of his suit exposed his chest, and when you tried to straighten his collar, Nero pulled you in for a hug. Nero gets clingy under the influence - noted. And it was getting to you. You could feel Nero's warm, shapely body, and the sleek fabric that outfitted and outlined it in the most delicious way. Not to mention you hadn't been hugged in years. Damn if it didn't feel good - almost too good, a blush spread to your face and you couldn't think of anything to say. Not that you needed to, since Nero occupied himself with saying strings of gibberish that faintly sounded like praise. You could only pick up words like "nice" and "warm" in his purring, until you felt Nero's weight shift onto you. He had fallen asleep. He left you there, frying your brain for the rest of the ride until the cab pulled up to a large apartment complex. You woke Nero up, much to his dissatisfaction, and paid the driver. You led Nero out of the car and into the complex, sternly holding him by the arm to support him. After a few steps though, he was flush against you, and it was almost like he was enjoying this - not that you secretly were too. Maybe his whole "tipsy" thing was just an act.

Walking him to the elevator, it seemed like Nero had sobered up a little from the fresh air, recognizing his surroundings and selecting his floor once the two of you were inside the elevator. 

 "You doing all right there Nero?"  "Hmmm...?" He blinked sleepily, not as buzzed as before - just tired.

He unlocked the door with his key, given a few clumsy tries as he worked his way through the wooziness. You stifled a giggle, and Nero murmured as he opened the door:  "What's so funnyyyy...?"  "You're such a lightweight, Nero." Hearing this, Nero scrunched up his face and swiftly turned away his head, pouting.   "No I'm not."  "Admit it, you were almost wasted after two glasses." You smirked, satisfied from drawing such a reaction from him. You wanted to poke at him a little more, but push far enough and you might find boundaries.   "I. Am not. A lightweight." He huffed, eyebrows furrowed, and it seemed like he was a little hurt. Did you hit a nerve? Okay, despite how cute he was, now you felt bad. You walked up to him, and cupped his pouty face with your hands.  "Okay, okay. You're not a lightweight Nero." You tilted his face so his eyes would meet yours, and you squished his cheeks a little.  "Better?" Just as you were about to pull away, Nero grabbed you by your shoulders, and leaned forward to kiss you on the lips. Shocked at first, you received the kiss, pulling on his lower lip and biting gently. You wondered if you should be doing this at all, but Nero let out a sigh and continued to kiss you - and it felt so good, so right. Nero pulled you close, and you felt your body grow heated, bothered from his hand gripping tightly at your waist. Eventually though, you both pulled away for air. Nero smugly showed you a shit eating grin, his lips a slight pink - thoroughly kissed.   "Now that's better."   "Oh yeah?" You tilted your head. "Are you gonna forgive me for being a bully?" You leaned your face toward him, gazing into his eyes. With a dark look in your eyes, you continued: "And there's really nothing else I have do to make you feel better?" You could see calculations running in Nero's head, and he suddenly picked you up in a princess carry. He took you into the bedroom and the next thing you knew he had put you down on a soft bed. You were sad you weren't in his arms anymore, but only for a moment because he leaned down to kiss you again, one hand sifting through your hair, the other squeezing your hip.  "I think you already know-" He said as he brought his knee to the apex of your thighs, suggestively brushing it, " -what you have to do to make me forgive you." His eyes looked back up toward your face for a reaction, and you noticed his erection pressing against your inner thigh.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

There it is! I'll try to get the next chapter done as soon as I can, and the promised smut will be in it ➳➳➳➳ I only managed to proofread once or twice at 1 am so sorry about grammar and inconsistent spacing, yeah

View this chapter on ao3

#dmc5 fluff #smut #dmc5 nero #devil may cry #fanfic #nero x reader #fem reader x nero #nero x you

[darling-archeron]

Ho Ho Hello! I’m back with another snippet!😌

We’re only one week out until the posting window opens, but I’m probably going to begin posting it closer to the 23rd or 24th, when I finally get to head home bc work ends for the holidays. The gift is still coming along nicely, though right now it’s looking like it won’t be completely finished, so I’ll be posting chapters probably once or twice a week to allow for final edits (unless I manage to actually get it done in the next week! 🤞🏻)

Any holiday plans this year? Other than me going home I won’t be doing much, probably just a lot of reading and trying to hit my book goal for the year (I’m 11 short right now😳)

Also what if I told you meet me in the woods is Also on the playlist? 😂 I was choosing between the two for the last message and was so glad to see you also think that mmitw is a Rhys song!!!

That’s so exciting you have hozier tickets!!! I’ve been putting off getting them bc I’d be going alone (and I also need a paycheck first 😅) luckily I live in an area where I could theoretically go to one of three concerts without being too far out of the way, so there’s still plenty of single seats available, hopefully it stays that way🤞🏻

And I’m trying not to pressure myself over word count but it’s def a long fic and around 30k now😅 (which is around twice the length of my next longest fic😬)

And for the snippet:

Rhys was slouching on a chair, one leg thrown over an armrest, the other flat on the ground to keep him from sliding right out of the seat. He had a full glass of wine in his hand, but there were two discarded bottles laying flat on the plush rug, so he’d obviously been drinking for a while.

And, on the couch next to him, sat the most beautiful woman Feyre had ever seen in her life. She had golden hair and brown eyes that seemed to draw Feyre in, despite the fact that the woman couldn’t see her.

“You can fix things,” the woman said, and Rhys groaned like he’d heard it before and didn’t believe it.

“No I can’t,” he whined, bringing the goblet up to his lips.

💜,🧑🏻‍🎄

Omg Santa, this snippet has me so excited!! Rhys being a drama queen?? Drunk Rhys?? I'm absolutely here for it. These snippets have me so excited!!

Not going to lie, hearing that we're only a week out from posting was like a bucket of cold water because I still have some major work to do for my giftee, but I'm also super excited for reveals! I feel like we're definitely going to have to exchange playlists because it seems like we have very similar tastes in music. :)

I'm also super short on my book goal, I'm currently trying to read Fourth Wing before my ebook is due back at the library but I don't know that I'll be able to finish it....I miss being 16 and being able to consume a 900 page book in like 3 days haha.

I don't have any crazy plans for the holidays either! Just some time with close family. It sounds like you have a cozy time ahead of you.

I really hope you're able to get Hozier tickets! It sounds like it's going to be a great show.

Absolutely don't pressure yourself over word count! I'm someone who does this all the time so I completely understand, but it also sounds like you're having fun writing it and I'm so glad!

I can't wait to find out who you are, Santa, you have me very curious!

Have a great weekend <3333

#secret santa

[nocompromise-noregrets]

five good things

because it's November already, and therefore definitely time to remind myself there are nice things in the world.

The big one first. I am GOING TO GERMANY FOR CHRISTMAS! We spent Christmas with our friends in Schleswig-Holstein in 2016 and it was honestly the best Christmas we've ever had - and then we haven't managed to do it again, for various reasons. I was chatting with them last month and they invited us, and after some discussion we decided that the missus will stay home with Last Cat Standing just in case (he has an overactive thyroid but is otherwise fine, but we're just a bit paranoid about something unexpected happening given that we lost two cats unexpectedly this year), but I'm going to go, and do a bit of full-immersion German practice :D I booked everything yesterday and I'm ludicrously excited.

I'm writing again! I spent most of September and October feeling distinctly inspiration-free, but the prompts are getting the muses working again, and that feels great.

The missus finishes at her job this week, and is going contracting - and has a contract beginning at the start of December. Which should mean she's considerably happier and less stressed, as the job has been getting steadily worse and worse over the last year or so, with various people who don't know what they're doing being put in positions of authority etc etc. So now she can work for herself, which will suit her much better.

I've been going for long walks at the weekends when the weather hasn't been too hideous, and have discovered a few places I haven't been to before, within walking distance of home. And, much like Lucifer at the end of Season of Mists, I have to admit the autumn leaves are pretty fucking spectacular. XD

I have a really nice Yuletide assignment which is going to involve reacquainting myself with one of my favourite comfort-things, and ought to be an absolute joy to complete.

Speaking of assignments, I've nearly finished the first one for this year's OU course - I'd have sent it in last week (deadline is this Thursday) but the tutor was promising a list of hints and tips a few days before the deadline, so I was waiting for that - which she posted yesterday and doesn't include much I haven't already covered (I think XD ) so I'm going to incorporate that and check it all over tomorrow evening while the missus is out, and then submit, and then get on with next week's work. I'm really enjoying it so far - it's very different from anything I've done before, but really fascinating :D

And I'm ploughing through all the German vocab I kind of abandoned at the beginning of the last course because I didn't have the headspace for it - only another thousand words and phrases to go, and then I'll be able to dip in when the app thinks I need to practise stuff (I'm not quite sure how much time elapses between 'learning' a word and needing to practise it). I've been telling it not to ask me anything I get right first time when the next practice round comes, so the total number I need to practise (I've got about 2800 things in there, which is somewhat overwhelming) should come down gradually. I'm doing practice quizzes of 15 items each, and mostly getting between about 3 and 6 right XD but a lot more of it is coming back to me, so hopefully it'll start to embed itself. This was a whole lot easier when I was 16!

#five good things

[mylittlemenandme]

A QUICK BACK AND FORTH

What better time to have a brief look at what I got up to in the past year? And see how that matched up to my plans from the end of last year, and to make some (hopefully achievable) plans for the year ahead.

Firstly though, this guy:

My fantastic Secret Santa gift, a converted Primaris version of the original Iron Priest model. I love it so much, I've shared it everywhere else so why not here as well?

And now, the round-up...

2023

The year was basically spent seeing out the end of the ninth edition of 40k. A good meet-up at the beginning of the year which included some Boarding Actions action, and then on to the local Crusade league again, although one that was ultimately cut short with the release of tenth edition. At this point ninth was starting to feel a little stale, and very bloated rules-wise - I think I already made the point about the sheer number of stratagems I was juggling by the end.

And with tenth edition coming out, I ended up organising a weekend for people to play some games of it in the first week of its release. I was pretty proud that I managed to pull the event together, definitely a highlight of the year. I even managed to enjoy it over the persistent level of stress I felt! Turns out it's a good set of rules - I certainly enjoyed playing it in the second half of the year in the new Crusade league, as well as writing the short stories to go with my league results submissions.

RESULTS?

So how did I do with my plans for 2023? I got a few models built and primed (around 2000 points worth), including the Impulsor I wanted, plus a bonus Repulsor. I got a chunk of Phobos models painted up too, including one of my Invictors, but sadly the Storm Speeder and Hammerfall Bunker I mentioned last year are still waiting.

Transfers are still pending too, but I have got a row of spare shoulder pads ready to be tested on before I move on to actual models.

I also got all the Death Guard I built over the previous Christmas break all primed up, but no further. Like the Death Guard themselves, there's no rush, it's purely inevitable. No other projects got a look in really, but I did manage to build six Thunderwolves so there is a chance to do something a bit different (albeit more Space Wolves!).

No other projects sadly also includes the Sylvaneth. No games, nothing new painted, I will definitely change that this year.

2024

So what do I want to achieve this year? It's possible the Space Wolves codex could arrive in the second half of the year, so I can't see there being any new models I'll want to buy before then (bold words). From what I do already own it'd be nice to get the things I have nearly fully built to a primed state (the aforementioned Storm Speeder and Bunker, plus a Drop Pod), and some of the primed bits moved to the painting desk and hopefully to the gaming table as well.

On top of that I have a Brutalis Dreadnought I want to get built (at the very least), and then I'd like to work on my Erik Morkai conversion a bit more, maybe some terrain too. It'd also be nice to get the Thunderwolves and Wulfen ready for the table since it's impossible to tell what the new codex will bring in terms of units and models coming or going, so it'd be good to get some game time out of them before then.

Sylvaneth, simple - play (at least) one game, and it'd be nice to get one of the primed units I have painted up (Tree-Revenants, I'm looking at you).

Other than that, it's very much wait and see. Legions Imperialis I could be very tempted by but I'll wait to see how it shakes out in terms of rules and models, as well as uptake in the community. Epic is where it all started for me, so I can't imagine I'll hold out for long however.

Oh, and maybe more than 3 posts on here this year? I guess I'm already 33% of the way there at least! Happy New Year!

#wh40k #spacewolves #warhammer #ageofsigmar #sylvaneth #hobby2024

[yapposrantcafe]

Grab a chair, a beverage, and get ready to either love or hate me.

This blog is a place for me to be honest about how I feel about many things I find disturbing in the world or society these days. You see I'm a disabled middle-aged woman with a grown daughter and eldery mother living with me.

Stress, conflict, and different ways of seeing the world prevail daily here. I'll let you guess which one of our residences likes to stir the proverbial pot and cause the other two to be miserable. This person finds it fun apparently. It's not a happy place to live. Simply being family doesn't automatically equal happiness when amongst each other. It's simply a roof over our heads and a place to survive.

We are not rich but we manage to never miss a meal. Two of Three of us have college degrees that aren't being used. One on social securitiy, one on disability, and one working part time paying only for gas my car.

I should mention that my daughters father died 3 yrs ago and left her financially well off. Not like Trump, Bill Gates, or other stupidly rich people. But enough to put a roof on my house before it became serious, level garage before it collapsed, new fence in backyard to stop dogs from escaping after losing one on the road, and some of the property cleared so we could expand yard. Some invested for her senior years means it's one less thing I need to worry about.

I don't charge my daughter rent because of the money she spent to save the house, I forgot windows and gutters she had replaced, but I would appreciate some help with the housework.

Again, I'm disabled. Seizures, Daily migraines causing my brain to eat it's white matter like MS but in different areas, random weakness of limbs, Central Nervous System (CNS) that short circuits and throws my motor skills out of sorts, anxiety, panic attacks, and depression, all that to be topped off by a pretty much non-existent immune system that's kept me on antibiotics for the last 6 months.

Now you know my situation. I live with people whom I seem to annoy by my mere presence and I'm starting to feel the same way about them. I can't open my mouth without being wrong even if the dog I'm petting is blond, and I call him blondie. I'm not sure how this is wrong but wow does it set off my daughter. Now my mother just says what she thinks is wrong with my daughter, and myself, and how we should act and what we should be doing that we're not.

I feel stuck. I'd sign this house over to my daughter in a heartbeat and rent a tiny apartment somewhere but I'd have to take my mother and both pomskies so it'd not be much of an improvement since I can't drive, and neither can my mother who has bad sight.

Now you know a bit of my situation and the reason I want, no need, to write this blog. You see i keep a journal for my personal stuff to try and help me stay sane but there's another problem that involves the people around me, even those who aren't related. If I have an opinion or thought on a topic they become aggressively upset and it starts a conflict.

I don't do conflict unless absolutely needed. It stresses me out and causes my health to deteriorate rapidly. So, I try to avoid it when possible. This would be the reason I'm sitting in my room with the dogs napping on my bed writing this someplace no one will likely find it or give a damn if they do run across it.

This, my personal journal, meditation, and other stress management techniques in my room are my only solace these days. I'm fighting to correct my health and waiting to find out if I qualify for IVIg therapy to boost my immune system. It's expensive so if insurance doesn't ok it I will live on antibiotics till I build a resistance and finally pass from some respiratory something.

Everything is so full of stress I will take any outlet to depressurize it and wait till I've hopefully saved enough for another long weekend just by myself in 6 months if I don't have another seizure.

#personal rant

[ravenoustaurus]

July 3, 2022 || SUN [07:23 am]

So I never got around to writing about this until now. I got fired the week after Mac's wedding. It came as a big ass shock to me because from the beginning of that week, our manager was praising me and even the Vice President complimented my work. But I'm mostly over it at this point. I vented about it to Mia when we drank gin i think last Saturday or was it two weeks ago? I can't remember very well when it happened. Other than that I attempted to work for a different company the very week after I got fired that paid more. But the work required took too much from me mentally and emotionally. It was energetically draining. I really am not meant for work that requires talking 99%. So I quit after first day of training. I've been trying for other companies since. But no luck so far. I did have an interview last night though, for a discord moderator position. I feel like it went well for the most part. I hope I do get that job. If not I'll force myself to start that business that I've been planning for years. I'm trying to meditate but whenever I feel like I'm mentally ready to do so, I'm too sleepy and I just end up sleeping. But right now, after I finish this entry I intend to meditate, since I'm not very tired. The reason I'm mentioning meditation is because I feel and know that I really need it and it'll really help me kind of unravel what exactly is holding me back. I feel like I only have a vague idea of what it is that's keeping me bound. So I want to dive deeper and figure things out. Brother and I had a talk about panic attacks and hearing voices when we aren't hyper fixated or preoccupied by something. There are a lot of similarities with what we feel and experience, and we both came to the conclusion that we might actually have ADD/ADHD. Which I think we obviously do have. It's also pretty evident with dad and geen and gourdo and mom. So like, I guess it's a genetic thing. Also Brother was saying that we might be experiencing these kinds of things due to PTSD. I haven't mentioned psychosis to him. But then again I feel like it's too complex for me to even try and hypothesize.

I met a really nice guy (I think) on bumble. He started really strong and asking me out so many times and giving me ideas on where we could go out to eat but then he just stopped talking to me. It's been two weeks since he last messaged me today. I feel like I may have said or did something weird? I don't know. My optimist side is ofc telling me that he's just busy. But then again come on, I'm not that stupid anymore. This probably ain't it just yet. But maybe, hopefully, I'm getting close. I'm getting sick of talking to so many guys and imagining futures with them. That's actually one of the main things I feel like I need to debunk. I feel like it affects my life severely and in a negative way. I need to find something else that would keep me from spacing out and hearing voices that would keep me preoccupied like painting or doodling or something. I feel like I should keep a list of things to do when I start getting lost in my head. I'm gonna do that right now before I meditate.

Other than that, apparently Cai and Mac are having a baby girl and she's due this august 6th. I and so very happy for them. Gel and I have seen each other 3 times since the wedding (including that weekend). Ryan and Chuck got covid recently but I think that they're getting better now. I've been recording some songs, too. Right now I just feel like I don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks of me. Not even the people that I have a little crush on. I just feel like I shouldn't act in any way. If my natural self scares or creeps or freaks people out then fuck them, I'm not changing anything about myself other than my toxic traits, or anything that needs growth. But my quirks? Fuck no. The world just has to fucking deal with it.

**note: something of significance might happen this July 27th. **

#diary entry #dear diary #tumblr diary #romance #love #thinking #adhd feels #feelings

[emi1y]

GOD im so fucking PISSED at the people who work at my school im about to fucking bitch them out over microsoft outlook the fucking drinking fountain on my floor doesnt work because it was shut down for covid but we have one of those ones that fill up your water bottle on the second floor of the dorm building so I've had access to water and its been fine but at the beginning of last week the downstairs water fountain that doesn't work has been leaking water back out of the drain and filling up the basin with this murky yellow water that smells metallic and every day I don't know what the cleaning staff does but its empty in the morning and by the end of the day the basin is full again and after a few days of this me and my friend were like this can't keep going on so we emailed the dorm director on thursday like "were you aware the drinking fountain is doing this" and he was like "omg no I didn't know :( I'll put a ticket in with maintenance!! if you ever have a probablem feel free to let me or the RAs know!!<3" but the RAs are never even fucking in the building and the two times I've emailed them I didn't get a response so i just went to their boss (the dorm director) instead and Anyway on friday he came by to ask if the maintenance people ever looked at the water fountain and me and my friend were like we don't know? we don't think so? and he was like ok well i guess they'll get to it monday hopefully

so cut to now, its saturday night and the water fountain is no longer leaking just water but now it's full of this brown sediment coming up from the drain, and there's fucking drain worms swimming in the water, which, if you're unaware, happens when you leave standing water for too long and drain flies come by and lay their eggs in the pipes of whatever it is and the larvae hatch and come up the drain. and now I don't know if the pipes in the building are connected or what, but i really don't appreciate how fucking low on the staff's priorities we are that they're like "we'll get to it when we get to it :(" because they left it for so long that eggs were laid and had time to HATCH INTO FUCKING WORMS. and now im not confident that the water in the WORKING drinking fountain works because i don't know if the pipes are connected or if the larvae could have spread to the other one or what. and I KNOW its inconvenient because its the weekend BUT PEOPLE FUCKING LIVE HERE FULL TIME. WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO UNTIL MONDAY?? JUST NOT HAVE WATER???? NO OTHER BUILDINGS WITH DRINKING FOUNTAINS ON THE CAMPUS ARE EVEN OPEN ON THE WEEKENDS THERE IS LITERALLY NO PLACE TO GET WATER FOR FREE. and i want to write to the RAs and say like "did you know that the one fucking building you're responsible for has worms living in the only potable water the students can access or are you just not here often enough to have noticed" and write to the dorm director asking if he has any awareness of the staff he supposedly manages if he wasn't even sure if anybody came by to look at AGAIN, THE ONLY POTABLE WATER THAT STUDENTS HAVE ACCESS TO ON THE WEEKENDS.

AND THE IRONY OF IT FUCKING ALL IS THAT THEY HAD AN OPEN HOUSE TODAY AND THEY'RE TRYING TO ENCOURAGE PROSPECTIVE STUDENTS TO COME TO THIS SCHOOL MEANWHILE THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE ABSOLUTE SHIT HOLE OF A DORM BUILDING THEY HAVE US LIVING IN. the locks to our BEDROOMS don't work and they haven't worked since the beginning of the year and they're supposed to be unlocked with a keycard but the card reader in the doors doesn't work so they gave us analog keys THAT ARE ALL THE SAME SO EVERYONE CAN UNLOCK ANYBODIES BEDROOM. they turned off the water fountains in the workshop because of covid but they never replaced them with the fill-up-the-waterbottle machines so there just isn't any drinking water in the building where students spend five hours MINIMUM doing manual labor. AND NOBODY FUCKING KNOWS EVERYTIME I COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS TO ANY ADULT WITH A MODICUM OF RESPONSIBILITY THEY'RE LIKE "Seriously?? That's an issue that needs to be fixed." AND THEN IT DOESN'T GET FIXED AND THEY GO HOME AT NIGHT AND SPEND TIME IN THEIR HOUSES OVER THE WEEKEND AND THE STUDENTS STAY HERE BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE WE LIVE AND WE DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO AND NOTHING GETS FIXED AND NOBODY GIVES A SHIT

#GOD IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS PLACE I WANT TO WRITE AND OPEN FUCKING LETTER AND JUST DROP IT OFF IN ALL OF THEIR OFFICES #IF THEYRE GOING TO PUT ALL THWIR ENERGY INTO RECRUITING NEW STUDENTS AND NO ENERGY INTO THE BASIC ESSENTIALS FOR THE STUDENTS WHO ARE #ALREADY HERE THE LEAST I CAN DO IS BE FUCKING LOUD ABOUT IT. #emily.docx

[ladyheraofthewhitearms]

When would we expect the next fic to come out?

Hi! So, first of all, I'm so sorry for the delay between fics. Between a bad case of writer's block / anxiety, Easter weekend, and now a cold (which may or may not be COVID), I've been really struggling to finish the WIPs that I have going on right now. I'm working on ~2 or 3 requests and I'm nearly done with the rough draft for one. Hopefully, it should be posted sometime this week or next week. My goal is to have something out in honor of "Hollow Mind" this week so I'll try to post something before then.

Thank you all so much for your patience and, I assure you, I will be posting more soon. I'm still working on managing my schedule and, even though it might seem like I'm MIA, I'm working hard for us Belos Bitches (affectionate) :)

In the meantime, here's a little excerpt from one of my WIPs to tide you guys over:

「Philip’s eyes darkened.

“You know, you do look rather good under me…” he purred, leaning closer.

(Y/N)’s cheeks flushed. It was strange to see Philip this bold. Usually the man was much too flustered to make a move. Hell, even a slight touch in passing was enough to leave him with enough blood rushing to his face that he’d nearly pass out. Anything this intimate would practically kill the man on any other day. I wonder what’s so different today…

Without thinking, (Y/N) started leaning in as well. They were close enough that they could smell the musky soap that Philip had used this morning. An alluring scent of bergamot and sandalwood.

Their lips had barely brushed when Philip suddenly pulled away.

“My shoes!” he exclaimed wide-eyed, quickly stumbling off the startled witch.

Blood started rushing to the witch’s cheeks in a sexually frustrated rage. This bastard was about to kiss me and he's worried about his shoes of all things?! I swear to Titan, I’m going to throttle this man.」

(P.S. I genuinely would like to thank you all for your requests! There's literally SO many good ideas and I can't wait to show you what I've come up with :) I'm currently going through them all and I have a lot of ideas for fics outlined. I just need to actually sit down and write them hehe. Much love and thanks again for your patience <3)

#Lady's rambling #cw: suggestive #cw: swearing

[caramelcoffeeaddict]

today has been the first time in over 3 weeks that I've had both time and motivation to write anything. so far I've only managed a little over 300 words, but I'm making progress at least. hopefully I'll be able to get some more writing done tonight. I want this story to stay under 10k (actually, I'd prefer it it stayed around the 5k mark), so maybe if I can stay motivated I can finish it by next weekend?? maybe?? hopefully I didn't just jinx myself...

*random thought* normally, when I make these "progress report" posts, I tag them with an abbreviated fic title (if the fic has a title), but I realized I can't do that with this one because the abbreviation is T.I.T, so it looks like I have to write out the full title...

#fanfic progress report #fic: teacher in training

[thekillingmoonmoon]

ah hello! i love coming back from the weekend with so many things to comment on (i'll split them up so you're not faced with a wall of text, even though... this is also going to be a wall of text ^_^;;)

so first - i'm glad you're doing okay life-wise and are able to come post things! it's always exciting to stop by, even if i'm a few days behind on checking the tumbles.

half-written rindou reacts! that entire block of questions you responded back with just hit me with a clarity to the situation. it would probably be better for him knowing reader ended up with ran, like it's a relief to know she'll be taken care of the way she deserves. what got me with your response was how reader was a reminder of the easy-going days in roppongi. that right there was enough to make me stop and think. both about my own carefree days and then theirs. as much as i want to say "yes sequel, of course sequel!" i would feel as though i were demanding it of you, bc i also agree that sometimes it's best to leave it to us to fill in the gaps. like, if you had left me that paragraph of questions, i'd be happy with it bc i'll be turning that scenario over in my head for days, it's fueled that much of my imagination. ...but then if you do write it and post it, please know i'll definitely be running over to talk about it.

for wolfsbane and marigold, yes, i will gladly enjoy the pain. i want to see all of my emotions painted with your palette of colours. okay i think this is really long now, i'm so sorry. i'll apologize in advance for the wall of text that might happen in response to marigold <3

hi hi hello hi - I hope you're doing well and that you had a good weekend💜 I take your wall of text and give you... my OWN wall of text

thank you for the love, it warms my heart to know someone looks forward to seeing my posts, Tumblr can sometimes feel like a bit of an echo chamber😣and discussing this makes me feel like there's life out there😂 I just finished up a paper that was giving me grief, so now I can hopefully manage my time a bit better from here on out (cross fingers, toes, and whatever other appendages you possess)

Okay so - sequel would probably centre around Rindou and how he handles it/finds out. would he heal? would he be given the space to heal? Reader needs the space to heal and collect herself, just figure out who she is and what she wants out of life. does she even want to stay with the brothers? Bonten is a far cry from the Roppongi days, and she clearly can live without them, could she walk away? what would they do if she did? many thoughts. I'm not sure if I'll do a sequel, since I have so many other fics to write, but maybe it will surprise me and I'll get the urge to write it at like 2am.

okay so I'm very interested to know what you thought about marigold (if you have something to share) because the sequel can take SO many directions and all of them are sad..

and speaking of sad... wolfsbane.. so there are two thoughts here.. I do full hurt no comfort and base it on a song called wolfsbane that I wrote with a friend?/person I once loved?/stranger with whom i have a deep history?. any way the song is about a shared experience of having separate shitty partners and it could get pretty rough, OR I do a hurt to comfort and give Wakasa the love he deserves....

any who.. I love you and I hope you're well! stay safe and hydrated and I'm sending you virtual hugs

lots of love...

#hopefully i remember to put a keep reading thingie on tomorrow #i apologise for the length #but i get very excited #anon wherever you are know that youre special #can i give you a name? #killingmoon answers

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

Fresh start part 9

Loved writing this part. It is long, but worth it.

Warning: This does talk about reader being kid napped. 

It had been a few weeks since that night out after the win. Everything just seemed to have fallen into place. You both knew the demands of your jobs but you still made it work, you both knew soon you would have to tell Liv, it was getting harder and harder to hide it. If he was still at the office when you finished, you would swing by with dinner, or he would come past your place on his way home for a cuddle. On weekends he took you out on the most romantic dates. Granted most of those times lead to heavily making out and extremely heavy petting, but you guys were taking things slow, enjoying each other. You both felt so deeply about each other you wanted to make it work.

****

You had just finished an afternoon shift with Nick on Friday. You were slowly getting used to afternoon and night shifts at SVU. He was going to Amanda's and you were headed to Rafael's for the weekend, secretly hoping this was the weekend you guys would take everything to the next level, you would have too soon, things were getting too intense and it was getting hard for you both to stop when it got to that point.

8.05 pm-You: Just finished my Rafi! On my way to get a taxi! Can't wait to see you xx

8.09 pm- Rafael: OK mi Hermosa, see you soon! Promise this weekend won't disappoint xx

You stood outside the priciest for a few minutes waiting for a taxi to drive past. But it wasn’t unusual that there were no taxis this time of night on a Friday. You started to walk up to the next block which met a cross street hoping for better luck. “Not many people around” you thought to yourself as you walked. Your mind was filled with happy thoughts, about what the weekend may hold and butterflies flying around your tummy just thinking about it. Rafael treated you so well, sometimes you wondered if you really deserved him after all. You had seen a completely different side to him, a side you were falling in love with, and a side that was just for you.

You had just about walked past the ally and about to step up on the side walk, when you felt an arm grab you around your middle from the back, pinning your arms to your side and before you could scream, cold metal to your temple.

"A pretty little Detective like you shouldn't be walking around by herself this time of night. Didn't Benson teach her squad better?" You were frozen in place not knowing what to do. 

"Sweetheart, you’re going to come with me now on a little adventure, and if you scream I'm going to put a bullet in that pretty little head of yours".

 Tears starting rolling down your face. The man, who you hadn't seen his face yet, pushed you towards a car parked down a bit in the ally, still holding the gun to your head. He opened the back door and threw you in on the back seat. It was so dark you couldn't see his face; he got rope and tied your hands to the door so you were forced to lay down across the seat. He grabbed your bag, opened it, pulled out your phone, threw it on the ground smashing it and then stomped it with the heel of his foot. He then pulled out your wallet, pulled out the cash and handy card and then threw the empty wallet and your bag with your badge in it to the side. He got in the driver's side and started to drive.

Finally through the tears and the street lights, you managed to get a look at the guys face in the review mirror. You almost passed out in shock....William Lewis...... how was he out of jail? What was he doing with you?

You didn't know much about what happened between him and Liv. Only what you had seen and read, it was before your time at SVU and never came up in conversation, so you never asked.

“Don’t worry yourself Detective, as long as Benson does what she is told, you'll be fine, and you’ll get to see that ADA boyfriend of yours again."

----

Rafael was so excited for the weekend he had planned. A Romantic dinner and theatre show tomorrow night, breakfasts in bed, and hopefully something more. He was finding it hard to control himself, and he knew you were too, but he didn’t want to ruin it. He was enjoying himself with you and was starting to fall hard for you, but it was too soon to say anything like that just yet. You understood him; you liked him the way he was. You knew his fears about relationships after everything that had happened to him in the past, always being pushed aside for someone else or just there for a root and boot. He knew and understood your fears as well, your last relationship really took a lot out of you. You were different and he knew that. He was worried about the age difference, you weren't. He was worried you might meet someone younger and leave him. But you reassured him in ways he had never been before. He just wanted to be with you whenever he could. He looked at his phone, 9 pm and you still weren't there. Even on busy nights, it never took this long to get to his place.

9.01-Rafael: Where are you Hermosa?

10 minutes later, still no reply. That's odd he thought, but he let it go for 10 more minutes, maybe there was traffic or your phone battery had died. He picked up his phone and called, straight to voice mail. This was strange; he had never heard your voice mail before, you always answered.

 9.30 with another text sent and couple more calls, still nothing, straight to voice mail. He looked through his phone, he didn't want to call Liv, she didn't know about you guys yet and he didn't want to put his foot in it just in case your phone battery had died. He kept looking through his contacts and came to Nick’s. He didn’t get along with your partner at all, not since the Alex case, but he needed to know you were safe and he knew Nick did care about you. You guys had this weird bond. He dialled the number, it rang out and went to voice mail so he called again, after 4 rings Nick answered;

"Barba, it's Friday night, I'm off duty"

"Have you heard from Y/N? She messaged me saying she was on her way, she still isn't here, I have messaged and called her, just goes to voice mail."

“She left when I did, maybe her phone has died, relax Barba" and he hung up.

10.....10.10......10.20.....10.30.......10.40

Call after call, message after message, you still weren't there and still going to voice mail! He went into his contacts and called Liv

"Barba, everything ok?"

"Uh....Y/N was meant to be here around 8.30, she still isn't, she isn't answering messages and it's going to voice mail. Something has happened, I'm worried."

"Oh, OK! Let me try and I'll call you back."

Liv hung up and tried to call you, straight to voice mail. This wasn't like you, even on weekends and early hours of the morning you answered your phone, this was the first time she even heard your voice mail.

Liv called Barba back,

 " Meet me at the predict."

Liv called Fin on the way and filled him in and asked him to come in.

Rafael rushed down into the bullpen straight into Liv's office. Fin was on the phone to TARU, who was tracing your phone. Liv walked in behind him and put her hand on his shoulder;

 "It’s going to be OK" he huffed back at her frowning.

Fin got off the phone, "Her cell phone last pinged from the ally at the end of the block, let's check it out."

The 3 of them walked out of the building down to the ally, Fin and Liv had a police torch each, they knew how dark that ally was at night. They turned them on as they rounded the corner into it.

"Oh No" said Liv, she looked down and seen your smashed phone, Rafael almost threw up. “Over here" yelled Fin, there was your bag, badge and empty wallet. Rafael walked over to a wall and lent on it so he had support in case he fainted. Next minute Liv's phone was ringing via video from an Unknown number. Fin put the torch up to her face for light and she answered,

"Hello Olivia, I've missed you!" It was Lewis, "I ‘am disappointed in you Olivia, don't you teach your new pretty detectives night street skills?" He flipped the camera around to you in the back seat with your hands bound to the door, and your mouth ducked tapped. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying. Fin caught Liv as she lost her balance like she had all the air knocked out of her; tears came to Rafael’s eyes.

"Do as I say Olivia, or she will enjoy me as much as you did." And he hung up.

Fin grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialled Amanda, “You and Nick need to get the station now, Lewis has Y/N".

-----

Nick and Amanda ran into the station, into Liv’s office,

"What do you mean Lewis has Y/N? He's been locked up." Said Nick

"He escaped." Said Liv, "he tricked everyone and got away. He grabbed Y/N as she walked down the block to get a taxi, we have the footage. He held a gun to her head. We found her phone smashed; he took her money and handy card with them, and left the empty wallet, her badge and bag in the ally. We have a trace on the card, but no hits yet. He called while we were in the ally, he has her tied up to the car door and mouth ducked tapped, he used a burner cell that can’t be traced and we are still trying to work out what car he is driving"

Rafael was sitting on Liv's couch with his head in his hands trying to hold it together as much as he could, Nick started to walk towards him.

“I’m sorry Barba, I should have taken you more seriously", Rafael raised his hand to stop Nick from talking,  

“You have the be the worst person to be partnered with in the whole of the NYPD! WHY DIDN'T YOU DRIVE HER TO ME? Instead of letting her catch a cab" he yelled, Nick walked out before he lost his cool.

Liv followed him out, Amanda was close behind,                                             “You two need to get to the prison now and find out how the hell this happened." Nick and Amanda both walked out headed to where Lewis escaped from.

Liv walked back into her office to Fin and Rafael, her phone buzzed with a new message from an Unknown number. It was a video, Liv gasped, Fin and Rafael rushed up to her side. It was a video of you, you looked like a mess;

 “Liv, William wants me to tell you; you know what you have to do, tell the truth" You said through tears. “William said you have 48 hrs" you sobbed. “Tell....tell Rafael, I love him." 

And the video ended! Fin and Liv both looked at Rafael with their mouths opened and they seen he had tears rushing down his face. 

****

The next 48 hours was a blur, Lewis moved you around so much and kept giving you vodka, you didn't even know where you were. Liv had made a live confession that what she said during the trail was false and she was sorry for what she did to Lewis. Liv finally had enough when Lewis sent her a photo of you being hung up on a metal frame by your hands at what looked like a quarry.

She didn’t have to the heart to show Barba, he was already a mess as it was, but she knew you were still alive, which was the main thing for now. Liv had a soft spot for you, you reminded her of her young self. She was so glad she had you on the team, and you knew how to keep Nick in line and how to handle Barba at the best of times. She couldn’t bear to see what happened to her, happen to you now you and Barba were a thing. What happened to her, cost her, her relationship. She was older and married to the job, you were young with your whole career ahead of you and had a man that she knew adored you by the way he reacted to the video. She couldn’t let this affect your future like it had hers.  She did what he wanted and came to him when he told her too.

 He brought her into the room where you were tied up, Liv rushed over to you and put her hands on your cheeks and kissed your forehead. 

“It’s going to be ok Y/N, I’m here now Sweetie”, before he pushed her away from you and tired her to the table in the corner of the room.

 Nick, Amanda and Fin knew something was wrong when Liv didn't turn up the next day and she wasn’t answering her phone. They traced her phone and the GPS last pinged at the quarry.

What felt like forever was finally over, you remember Liv and Lewis fighting, and click sounds back and forth, you had been forced fed vodka and you were that dehydrated everything was blurry like a dream. Your eyes shut most of the time, falling in and out of sleep and your whole body ached from being tied this way for far too long. You remember hearing a gunshot, yelling and then Nick’s voice telling you everything was OK and that he was here now. He held up your body while Fin untied your arms and you blacked out as soon as you hit his shoulder.

****

"I have heard a lot about you two! Haven't done a very good job of looking after her have you. You should both be ashamed of yourselves." You slowly opened your eyes, the room was dim, and you let your eyes adjust.

 Your Mum was standing next to you holding your hand; which had a cannula in it, Nick was standing at the end of the bed with his head down and Rafael on your other side looking at the floor next to him. None of them saw you waking up.

"Don’t be like that Mum, they may not be perfect in your eyes but they are in mine." You said with a little smile.

"Oh sweetheart" your mum lent down and kissed you on the forehead.

"My Raf" you looked over at him with tears in your eyes, he put his forehead to yours, and you felt his warm tear drops land on your chest on top of your hospital gown neck. He stepped away and brushed your cheek with the back of his hand with a small smile.

You let go of your mum's hand and reached out for Nick, he walked around, grabbed it and kissed your knuckles. You looked at him, 

"Next night shift we do, you need to drive me where ever I need to go when we clock off, even if it’s to Brooklyn." You said with a giggle.

 “I’m so sorry, I completely understand if you want a new partner". You squeezed his hand, 

“Don’t be silly partner. I need you now more than ever" he gave you a small smile back.

“I’ll go and call Liv, tell her you’re awake." He kissed you on the top of your head and turned to your mum, 

“How about I take you to a late lunch, I'll drop you back at Y/N apartment so you can shower and rest?" 

Your Mum looked at you, “Go mum, I'll be fine, Raf is here."

Your Mum walked over and kissed you on your cheek. "I’ll be back later, you look after her".  Looking at Rafael, and she walked out with Nick.

You adjusted yourself to sit up in your bed. Rafael helped. You needed water; your mouth was so dry and felt like sand paper. You patted your hand on the bed so he could sit down across from you, and he took both your hands in his, careful of your hand with the cannula in it. You had a lump in your throat, but you swallowed it down, tears came to of your eyes,

 "I thought I would never see you again Rafael. I meant what I said in the video, I love you Raf, so much! I know it's too soon and I understand if you don't feel the same...."

He didn't give you a chance to finish, his lips were on yours. This was the sweetest most loving kiss he had ever given you; he pulled away and put his forehead to yours.

"I love you with my whole heart mi Hermosa."

 You looked up at him, “He didn’t do anything to me Raf, and it was more emotional stuff really. He knew about us and he used that against me, but I can’t work out how he would have known. I don’t think I’ll be able to ever drink or smell vodka again” you crinkled up your nose just thinking about it.

 He looked at you with his jaw clenched.

“He’s gone now mi amor. He can’t hurt anyone anymore. You will never see him again, and I promise to keep you safe as long as I live.”

Rafael filled in the blanks, you didn’t remember much after you took the video; He didn’t do anything to you, other than making you drink vodka for nearly 3 days and emotionally torment you. While he was talking to you, a nurse came in and put a new bag of fluids, which started to make you feel better. You asked if you could use his phone to call your mum so she could pack a bag for you so he could go and pick it up and bring it back to you. You were lying on your left side in bed, and he was sitting right next to you on a chair, holding one of your hands, and his other hand running it through your hair.

 “I have never been as frightened as I have been the last few days. I was with Liv when the video call came through the first time, you looked so scared and I couldn’t do anything, and then when she got the video I was there as well.” He paused “When I seen Nick’s call this morning, I nearly didn’t answer because I’m so mad at him that he let this happen to you, but something made me pick up and he me told that they had found you and Liv, Lewis was dead and you were both on your way to Belleview and to meet them here.”

 “Raf, it’s no one’s fault. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time; it could have easily been someone else. You need to not be so hard on Nick, he tries his best. He has trouble keeping up with me” you giggled

 You both didn’t even hear the door open, “Hey Guys. Sorry to intrude.”

 You both looked up to see Liv standing there with a big bunch of flowers and a medium size paper bag. She sat them both on the small table and started to walk towards Rafael. He gave her a big hug and then lent back down and gave you a kiss on your forehead.

 “I ‘am going to go home and shower. I’ll pick up your stuff on the way back. I won’t be long.” And he walked out the door, after giving Liv’s arm a squeeze and a smile.

 Liv sat on the chair he was on and grabbed your hand. She looked better then you remember seeing her. She had showered and had different cloths on. She had bags under eyes. You guessed that no one would have had much sleep the last few days.

 “How are you feeling?”

 “This is my second bag of fluids, I feel good now, are you OK?” you squeezed her hand and she nodded back.

 “I ‘am sorry you got pulled into this. I shouldn’t of have left it that long to come and get you. He didn’t......he didn’t do anything to you did he?”

 “Liv, don’t be sorry, you came that’s the main thing. No, he didn’t. Other than making me drink vodka nonstop and emotionally hurting me, he somehow knew about me and Rafael and he used it against me. I ‘am sorry about the video. I didn’t want to do it, but he told me if I didn’t he was going to shoot me, I don’t remember much after that.”

She stood up and pulled you into her arms and then kissed your forehead and sat down.

“At least I hold the record for the most eventful start at SVU.” You both laughed and wiped away tears.

 “The next couple of weeks are going to be busy and hard. We have both been called to make statements to IAB and 1PP. But know, I’ll be beside you every step of the way, and if this goes to trail, you will have all the support you need.” You nodded and gave her a small smile.

“So.... You and Barba hey.” You went red.

“I ‘am sorry I didn’t tell you Liv. We were going too but.....” she held up her hand to stop you from talking

“I’ am happy for you both. As long as it doesn’t interfere with work it’s all good with me.” She looked in your eyes and you and smiled. “I think you are good balance for him. You make him human, not just an ADA for sex crimes......OH” she stood up and grabbed the paper bag off the table and handed it to you.

“What’s this?” you said,

“Open it.” You opened the top of the paper bag and pulled out a new phone in a box, your badge and new wallet.

Tears came to your eyes, “Liv you didn’t.”

“It’s the least I can do, the sim card is tapped to the box, it’s the same number as your old one, you just have to set it up.” 

“Thank you so much Liv.” You reached your arms out to hug her; she lent down and hugged you back.

 Next minute, in walked Amanda, Fin and Nick.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Nick smart mouthed, Fin and Amanda laughed, then rush other and hugged you.

“We brought your favourite sandwich and an iced latte. We called before and asked the Doctor If you can eat now.”

You all sat in your room and laughing and mucking around. Everything that happened of the last couple of days faded away for a little while. You knew the next couple of weeks would be hard, knowing you had to go to IAB and 1PP, and then most likely go to trial, but you could do it. You had the best support system money could buy.

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