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starswornoaths · 4 years

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Of Family and Home

Commissioned writing for @anorptron, posted with permission! Thank you so much for your patronage! \o/

Familial bonding between Edmont and Sage, anorptron’s WoL! This was such a delight to work on, thank you again!

Commission info!

Such was expected of the Warrior of Light, after all.

Watching the ceremony of Ishgard rejoining the Alliance had been easy enough; he hadn’t needed to participate, only be present as a showing of support— not only for the symbolism of the thing, but to support those few he felt close to. Neither Sage’s counsel nor his combat prowess were asked of him, so he offered nothing more than his presence. In a moment of honesty with himself, he wasn’t entirely sure he had it in him to give more than that.

In vain, he had hoped that it would end at the ceremony: at its conclusion, celebrations followed almost immediately after. It was less that Sage had been asked to stay and more that the festivities were so wide spread that it was damn near impossible to leave, and thus he resigned himself to having a flagon of ale pressed to his hand and putting on the bravest smile he could manage.

That, and hoping no one clapped him on the back. That shoulder wound was stinging fiercely in the cold.

For a blessing, Sage’s reputation for having a quiet disposition meant that no one expected very much in the way of conversation from him. A murmur of acknowledgement or a nod of his head seemed to suit, which was a relief: by the time that he managed to leave the festivities behind him, late enough that the sun had fully set, the numbness in his skin and the pain that sunk down to his marrow. It was all he could do to keep moving and cradle his bad arm in a way he hoped wasn’t too conspicuous.

At first, he had just wanted to get away from the crowds and the cheering because none of it felt right and all he could think of was watching Ysayle fade out like a comet streaking across the aether soaked sky, of seeing Estinien grow gnarled and twisted until there was nothing left of the man and all that stood there was a shade of Nidhogg, roaring out the call for the Dragonsong War to rage on. But then, the moment he realized the festivities thinned out the higher he climbed in the Pillars, his destination became clear to him: he had to go home. There was nowhere else left for him to go.

Fortemps Manor loomed overhead ere long, once he’d managed to hobble up the ramp leading to the Last Vigil. The lights from within washed the cobblestone street with warm lamplight, almost beckoning Sage. He prayed there was no one awake at this hour: he knew they left the lights on just in case he arrived, even if no one said it outright.

The door hinges creaked as Sage pushed one of the massive wooden doors open and slipped inside. Though the noise was quiet, it seemed to echo in the stillness of the foyer. Despite the carpet lining the tile muffling his footfalls, they sounded loud to him. He struggled to shake the feeling that he might be intruding, even as the Fortemps had insisted, time and again, that this was his home as much as theirs.

“Master Sage?”

He nearly jumped at the attendant’s voice softly calling out to him, but collected himself once his mind caught up with his hyper alert senses, he returned the greeting as well as he could. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, one of the doors down the hall opened, and Count Edmont stepped out to join them from his study. He seemed surprised at Sage’s presence, eyes widening for a moment before he offered a warm smile.

“My, I thought you would be at the festivities well into the night! Welcome home, Sage.”

“Count Edmont.” He greeted, and were he in better condition, he might have bowed in respect, but even standing and attempting good posture made the pain in his shoulder flare sharply enough that he flinched and curled into himself.

The warmth in Edmont’s smile guttered out into a look of shocked panic, and before Sage could even think of how to worm his way out of being examined too closely, the count was ushering him onto one of the plush couches beside the fire.

“Call upon a chirurgeon, if you please.” Edmont instructed the attendant, who was off into the night with a nod.

“That’s not—”

Necessary, Sage tried to say, but Edmont would hear none of it.

“Nonsense: you are injured, and I cannot in good conscience leave you to suffer so. Come, let me help you out of your coat that the chirurgeon can better look at you.”

Shame and guilt crept up his throat until his face burned with the embarrassment; even if Edmont didn’t view this as a failing on Sage’s part, he did. All the same, he was in no real position to argue with the count, in standing or physical condition, and so used his uninjured hand to work at the ties of his coat.

By the time the chirurgeon arrived, they had managed to get Sage down to his shirt, a simple and thin enough piece of clothing that it was easily moved around as she worked. With each prod and poke of her fingers, the pain spiked, and a frown marred her features.

“Your shoulder is fractured,” The chirurgeon finally said. “There’s some bruising and a few minor lacerations elsewhere, but that shoulder is what concerns me the most. Let’s get you into a sling.”

Though he couldn’t argue the point, the shame pressed down on him tenfold. Here he was, Warrior of Light, Eikon Slayer, unstoppable Bard and immovable object, reduced to this. Unable to protect those closest to him, what few there were, and now, not even able to draw a bow.

Temporarily. It’s only for now. He tried to remind himself, even as he feared how the injury might affect him once he was recovered. It did little to ease the pangs of anxiety at the thought that he wouldn’t be able to fight anymore, all the more as the chirurgeon manipulated his shoulder and arm into the sling to hold it in place. Even the cool touch of healing magic on the wound, easing the pain into something much more manageable, did little to put his mind at ease.

With instructions to leave it in the sling for the next fortnight and reassurance that she would monitor his healing progress by checking in on him regularly. Leaving pain medication for him to be able to comfortably sleep, she left.

In her absence, Sage thought he might be able to slip away into his room, but Edmont was draping a blanket over his shoulders and asking him to sit with him a while and have tea. “We have scarce had a chance to talk with everything that has happened,'' explained the Count when Sage tried to rebuke his offer. “Even had you come in lacking the wounds you bear, I would still speak with you, if you have the energy.”

Did he? Sage wanted to say no, felt the denial on his tongue press against his teeth, but he hesitated. A not insignificant part of him wanted to nurse his wounds and his wounded pride in solitude, aye, but there was another part of him still that yet grappled with the weight of all of his burdens. That part of him, if he were honest with himself, was tired of being lonely.

Maybe it was because he hadn’t quite gotten his legs back under him yet, physically or proverbially. Maybe it was because he could admit that the small part of him that wanted to talk to someone that wasn’t asking after his abilities had some merit. But after a moment more of deliberation, Sage nodded, and eased himself back into the couch.

The subtle tension in Edmont’s shoulders eased in relief, and that warm smile of his was back, crinkling the corners of his eyes. As one of the wait staff brought over a tray laden with cups, a teapot, and two small plates of cookies, it occurred to Sage that Edmont had already asked ahead, likely when he called for a chirurgeon.

“You planned this.” He said before he could stop himself. “After you summoned the healer.”

“What battles we walk away from can leave us with wounds that take much healing.” Edmont said wisely, and reached for the teapot. “And healing is in itself a rather exhausting process, even when it does not change us forever. Room for milk and sugar in yours?”

“For sugar, please.” Sage replied, voice gruff from misuse. He cleared his throat, and once Edmont poured his cup, managed a quiet, “Thank you,” in a clearer tone.

“A sweet tooth, like myself.” Edmont mused with a chuckle when he saw how many spoonfuls of sugar Sage put into his tea.

Not that many more than the count’s own cup, Sage realized with mild surprise. Not knowing what to say to that, he settled for curling his good hand around the handle of his cup and bringing it up to gently blow on it. The steam curled away from him in long, wispy tendrils, but the warmth from it was already seeping into him before he had even taken a sip.

“Was this injury from when you went to Azys Lla?” Edmont asked quietly after a companionable silence had fallen over them.

Sage nodded and took a sip of his tea. After a moment of contemplating its sweetness, he set it down and added another spoonful of sugar. As he stirred it in, he spoke up, “Didn’t want to trouble anyone. It would have healed in time.”

“Perhaps, but it could have healed improperly.” Edmont noted with a frown. “I see no sense in letting you suffer in silence for such a serious wound.”

Ah yes. If it healed improperly, he might no longer be able to fight on as the Warrior of Light. And then where would the world be?

Even as he thought it, Sage winced. Edmont had never made him feel as though he were only kept around for his use— and the Bard reminded himself that it was Edmont who had tried to send him away when the horde had begun to swarm toward the city, intent on casting it into the churning aether below, even knowing that Sage’s might alone could have been enough to turn the tide of battle.

Maybe that was why he had come here, when he had needed to escape the trappings of his title and the expectations that came with it. Because they couldn’t reach him here if he didn’t want them to. Because Edmont would never wield them against him.

“I’m...not good at relying on others.” Sage finally admitted quietly, half into his tea. “But your words have merit. Thank you.”

Edmont studied him for a long moment, teacup and saucer in hand. On the surface, he was the very picture of a noble Count, posture perfectly straight and hands appropriately delicate on the fine porcelain. His expression was almost unreadable but for those bright, discerning eyes of his gleaming in the firelight. After he seemed to find what he was looking for in Sage, his mustache twitched in the ghost of a smile as he primly set his teacup on its saucer and placed them both back on the table in front of them.

“If I may be candid?” He asked, and waited for Sage’s nod to continue, “I fear in speaking formally to you, I failed to make it clear how cherished you are in this house— and not for your use, I cannot stress that enough. You are a ward of House Fortemps due to circumstances outside of your control and ours, that much is true, but you have come to be so much more than that.” After another moment of consideration, he asked, “Do you know what I felt when I first met you, and realized you were just as mortal as the rest of us?”

“Disappointment?”

“Relief.” He said, and Sage hid surprise with another deep drink of tea. “Because you were real. You were human, and suddenly it all made sense, why you fought as hard as you did to make it to our door.” With a chuckle, he added, “When I told Haurchefant that, he said that we were of like mind, in that regard.”

“I failed.” Sage murmured, side stepping a reply to Edmont’s declaration, even as warmth different than tea or blankets settled over his heart for it.

“As have we all.” Edmont said with a shrug. “To expect perfection is folly— even from you. Yet, I fear that your myriad successes, and the legend you have become, have made you the exception in the eyes of many. And aye, even for a time, I was not immune to such thoughts. From the way Haurchefant spoke of you, you seemed almost otherworldly. Impossible, even.”

Ah. Another friend he had failed. Haurchefant had always thought too highly of him, and in the wake of his death, Sage only felt more strongly that the knight had gotten him all wrong. Not that he had ever told him that, knowing the effusive man would have just insisted in that way of his that Sage was wrong.

Not that he’d ever get the chance to now, besides.

“When I fail, it means someone dies.” Sage grit his teeth when he thought of Estinien, of the look of sheer terror on his face moments before it disappeared into Nidhogg’s aether. He set his teacup down to avoid spilling the last of his tea; he realized his good hand was shaking. “Or worse.”

“Such is the burden of any who fight for those who cannot.”

Edmont took a moment to spare a glance down at his own lap. Then, his gaze drifted just beyond it, to the cane that rested against the arm of the couch. Something shifted in his eyes, in that moment, and though they still gleamed, there was a certain sort of darkness there now. Familiar enough to Sage that it pulled him out of his thoughts. After the span of another breath, the Count added quietly.

“Even if it means sacrificing something dear to us.” When he looked back at Sage, that shadow in his gaze did not lift. “I had the chirurgeon called upon because I know what it is to have an injury that never heals properly. I know what it means to never feel quite right again, and still continue to fight to protect those dearest to you, until you no longer can. I would not wish that suffering on you.”

“So I can keep fighting?” Sage asked, not quite able to bite back the bitterness in his tone.

“Sage.” Edmont said his name so gently that he looked up at him in surprise. When he had his attention, Edmont reached over and laid his hand over Sage’s. “You could tell me right this instant that you are never again picking up a weapon, that you would never again answer a call to action, and I would be no less proud of you. You would be no less welcome here.”

“Why?” Sage asked around the tightening of his throat. His voice barely came out in a rasp, choking on the tangled knot of complicated, conflicting emotions that whorled in his throat. His chest felt tight. Nevertheless, he pressed, “Why care if I’m not of use to you?”

“Because I view you as family.” Edmont replied, voice calm and patient. “And it was thanks to you that I was reminded of the importance of letting those I love know that I love them, while I still have the chance...and that I can always do better in that regard.”

“My lord—”

“You need never address me so formally, Sage. I have already failed one son by letting him die thinking I viewed him as lesser, and that he was not loved. I refuse to let it happen again. That we are not of the same blood is of no consequence. As far as I am concerned, you are just as much a Fortemps as any of my sired sons.”

That tightness in Sage’s throat constricted all the more, and he felt a peculiar stinging in the backs of his eyes. He blinked rapidly to dispel it. It wouldn’t do to start showing that kind of vulnerability now, in particular when he was wounded in body and pride for the losses that he had stacked against him.

“I don’t—” He tried to speak, but swallowed thickly when his voice cracked. With a deep, shuddering breath, he tried again to find the words. “I don’t know if I feel I deserve that.”

Another twitch of Edmont’s mustache in a knowing, albeit somber smile. He squeezed Sage’s hand as if to anchor him.

“In all my years, if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that things both good and bad happen to us whether we deserve it or not. The earth does not ponder its worthiness of the sunlight, nor the waxing of the moon. They are merely inescapable facts of life. So it is for me to call you a member of the Fortemps family.” He let go of Sage’s hand and stood, wincing at the way his knee popped as he did. “I only hope that, in time, you will believe yourself worthy of it. Now, it is late for this old and weary man, and you have convalescence to catch up on, if I am not mistaken.”

The twinkle in Edmont’s eye helped Sage swallow the knot of emotions in his throat and nod. The Count’s smile widened.

“To bed, for us both, then— and never you mind the setting: I will take it to the kitchens.”

Shockingly quick for his age, Edmont plucked the tea tray off of the table, though after examining it for a moment of thought, held it out to Sage.

“Take the plate of biscuits, my boy, and have them as a snack if you like.”

Sage did, and as he took it with his good hand, he murmured, “Thank you. I’ll try to be worthy of this.”

“Of the biscuits? I daresay anyone is worthy of biscuits!” Edmont laughed, already on his way to the kitchens before Sage could reply. “Good night, my boy. May your sleep be truly restful.”

Plate of sweets in hand, Sage let himself smile as he wandered to his room— and ah, he supposed he should start calling it his room now, well and truly.

He was home, after all.

#ffxiv #anorptron #writing commissions #Sage Bradley #Edmont de Fortemps #this was so cute and sweet and sad to work on ;o; thank you again for commissioning me!#Sage is a good bean and deserves good things

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havethetimeofyourstyles · 3 years

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in which you and harry meet again after six months.

a/n: hiiii! this is for @theharriediaries fic challenge! the photo used is the one on the left of the banner, and the dialogue i chose was ‘Is this seat taken?’ ‘By you, I hope.’ & ‘I’m sorry it took us this long.’ thank you for creating this challenge, soph!

thank you @sunflowers-styles for beta reading this for me, mwah! <3

WORD COUNT: 12k of dad!harry with slight angst and fluff (pls appreciate the dilfrry dialogues in this lmao)

COME INTO MY INBOX AND LETS TALK ABOUT ‘THE TRAIN RIDE BACK TO US’ I’d love to know your thoughts!

pls rb to share! <3

The gold bell chimed quite loudly, informing the baristas that someone had entered their shop. The aroma of fresh ground coffee beans immediately filled your senses once you pushed open the sage green door as the smell feeling of nostalgia and comforted you.

Everything looked the same in the coffee shop. The oak wood floor never changed with coffee stains in certain areas that didn’t quite seem to come off all the way, no matter how hard the employees scrubbed—but it gave the shop character, in your opinion. Different colored potted plants filled the shop in every corner and on the clean white windowsill, making the place look lively. Crisp oxygen mixed with Columbian coffee beans flowed around the shop, making customers want to come back to a comfortable environment. Black and white bistro tables sat within the café, with silver metal bases, holding the circular table tops up as they alternated with colors along the built-in brown bench against the light-gray colored wall; with matching black and white metal chairs that practically screeched against the oak wood floors when someone was trying to scoot in or out of the table.

The entire shop was the exact same from what you remembered it to be six months ago. The only difference was that when you sat on the wooden bench, specifically at the black table in the corner that was right next to the window, the person who was supposed to be in front of you wouldn’t be there; and for that, your heart dropped a little.

Trying not to think too much about your change of mood, you ordered your usual—an iced mocha latte with a pump of sweet vanilla syrup—before you paid and turned around to see which tables were available. The usual corner table was staring right at you, practically mocking you, and you wished that the table was occupied, but then you would’ve felt wrong sitting at a different table when yours was clearly open.

You took your seat on the bench, and almost immediately, you started shaking your leg underneath the table. Your seat felt hot, as if the wood was catching fire underneath you, burning your legs and making you antsy.

Luckily, the shop wasn’t crowded so it took the baristas less than six minutes to make your drink and to call out your name from behind the counter. Quickly, standing up from the burning hot seat, you made your way to the counter, thanking Mel for the drink. Since coming here, you had become quite a constant in the cute Portland coffee shop. Mel was one of the employees that had worked at the shop the longest, so she made everyone’s drinks because she knew the menu the best. So, you caught up with her a bit, and inevitably, she asked where you had been.

“You didn’t find a better coffee shop did you?” She teased, making you chuckle.

“No, I’ve just been, uh, too busy to come around. But I promise, your drinks and shop are still the best,” you said truthfully, to which she beamed. To this day, you hadn’t found a superior coffee shop than ‘Coava’ because the others just didn’t compare—they didn’t make you feel the same way you did with this one. “But thanks for the coffee.” You gave her one last smile before you turned around to make your way back to your table.

And then the bell chimed.

It was as if the sun was peeking out through the clouds; the sun beams strongly pointed down onto the wet pavement after a night of rain, leaving the air with its pleasant smell of petrichor. He was the light that seeped through the curtains, and you knew it was going to be a lovely day.

“Harry…” you stopped in your tracks, careful not to spill the contents of your coffee cup. Your heart skipped several beats once he flashed you his gorgeous smile that you were still hopelessly in love with.

“Hi, Y/N.” Harry mindlessly played with the buttons of his coat as he mentally tried to situate the nerves in his head and stomach. His breath felt like it was stuck in his throat, making his voice slightly trail off with a crack to the tone.

It felt like the two of you were the only ones in the coffee shop—minus the locals who were sitting at the tables, minding their own business, or wondering what the fuck they were doing standing in the middle of the shop—completely and fully captured by the other’s stare and presence.

The loud screeching noise of steam took you out of your dazy trance as you cleared your throat. Harry looked down at his feet before looking up at you through his lashes, shyly intertwining his hands behind his back.

“Uh, would you like to join me?”

Harry raised his brows at your proposal, pursing his lips to contain his giddy excitement. “S-Sure.” You took a deep breath before you started to walk towards the table in the corner—one he was also very familiar with. “This seat...Is this seat taken?” He asked politely but, almost instantly, mentally cursed himself because you wouldn’t have invited him if you were with someone.

You didn’t catch his slip up, instead, you smiled as your face grew warm. “By you, I hope.” Harry blushed, taking a seat on the black metal chair across from you.

“So, how’ve you been? It’s been a while since I last saw you,” you mentioned.

It’d been six months since the last time you saw and sat in front of Harry—a very long six months. The conversation six months ago wasn’t the most happiest of memories because that conversation brought in the heartache and heartbreak; the chat had included the mutual separation of your relationship that involved tears, chest pain, and as always, the smell of Colombian coffee that surrounded your afflictive conversation, hoping it would calm the tension between you two.

“Yeah, it has been a while, but I’m doing okay. How are you?”

“I’m good.” There was a bit of awkwardness swirling in the air, and you absolutely despised it—you wanted it to leave the shop and never return. You had always imagined what it would be like bumping into Harry again, more importantly, what you would say to him. And despite all those moments daydreaming of finding the right words, you were completely stuck, and you fully blamed it on the awkward tension. “Can we not be…y’know, awkward? That’s not us,” you simply said.

Harry let out a sigh of relief, adding a breathy laugh. “Yes, yes, of course. You’re right, that isn’t us at all.” Mel brought him an iced black coffee since it was his usual, and she saw that he didn’t get the chance to order because he was immediately occupied by the sight of you. He softly thanked her with a smile, only taking his attention off of you for a split second before his eyes were right back on you; he didn’t know what this conversation would lead to, nor did he want to get his hopes up, so that meant spending every moment with his complete attention and eyes averted to you. “I miss you…” he said.

There was a sense of relief as you exhaled deeply, glad that he wasn’t the only one who was missing the other. His words had brought a flutter of butterflies to your stomach, soaring as they pleased while your face felt warm.

You and Harry had been together for a year and a half before calling it quits. For most of the relationship, it was happiness and bliss—occasional fights, but they weren’t frequent—towards the last few months however, things were getting a bit stressful. You remembered the days like it was yesterday as the vivid memory crept inside of your head...

It was nearing nine in the evening and the house was quiet. The silence was louder than the ongoing noise inside your head that was constantly yelling at you, making your head ache from the incessant thoughts. It was safe to say that you weren’t happy, and that even Harry wasn’t happy either. But you had only gotten a glimpse of him during the evening, so you were simply assuming that he wasn’t content—but it was a very logical assumption since every time he looked at you, it seemed like he was becoming more stressed out by the minute; as if he didn’t already have a lot on his plate during the day, and by night, he would still have to deal with whatever argument and fight either of you would pick for no apparent reason.

It started with petty little arguments, getting annoyed and frustrated at the other because of burnt toast or something as small as running out of detergent for the laundry. But fighting over nothing had turned into completely confessing that you weren’t happy anymore, and that the exhaustion had gotten to you.

“I-I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Harry,” you said in between your sobs that you tried to contain. “All we’re doing is hurting each other—we’re not even happy together anymore!”

It felt like his heart was exploding, but it was the truth. “Darling…”

“You can’t lie and tell me that we’re happy together because it’s obvious that we’re not.” You wiped the tears from your face, leaving your skin damp from the moisture.

Harry sighed deeply, knowing he couldn’t argue anymore. He felt defeated and upset with himself; it was like he was doing well in everything else or at least trying, and he couldn’t even do his part in being a good boyfriend to you. He knew part of the reason why both of you weren’t happy was because of the neglectance, and both of you were too exhausted to even communicate that feeling. You two were both independent entrepreneurs—always knowing when to close business and how to make a well deserved investment or sale with others who were trying to buy whatever stock or product. But when it came down to each other, to Y/N and Harry, it seemed like the individuals that were trying to please and charm others had dissipated, leaving no room or patience for each other.

“We’re both busy, Harry, I get that. And maybe it’s best if we call it quits until everything settles down—until we both know what we want—”

“I want you,” he interrupted.

You softly huffed, looking down at your lap as you slightly nodded before you looked up at him again. He had tears streaming down his face and more forming in his eyes; you loved that he wasn’t embarrassed or afraid to show his true emotions—he was being vulnerable every time he let his guard down, and for that, you would appreciate him forever.

Muffled, static cracks followed by quiet little groans were heard from the baby monitor on the coffee table. Harry glanced at it before looking back at you, knowing he had to take care of his number one priority, and who were you to stop him? So, you nodded, tilting your head towards the room, and he sadly smiled before heading towards the nursery.

You walked over to the kitchen counter, grabbed a pen and paper, and wrote ‘Meet me at Coava tomorrow. Usual time.’ before you placed it on the coffee table beside the monitor. As you were leaving, you heard soft humming coming from the baby monitor, and your heart squeezed, frowning as this was most likely going to be the last time you were going to be in this house. Taking one look around, you took in all of the memories that you made in the building that made you feel safe and warm before you stepped out, immediately welcomed by the cool temperatures of the evening.

The next afternoon when you walked into Coava, Harry was already sitting at the usual table you two sat at. His head was down, mindlessly wiping down the condensation that formed outside of his glass. You took a seat in front of him without saying a word, making him look up. He had dark circles around eyes as he hadn’t gotten much sleep.

“Hi,” you whispered. There was your usual cup of iced coffee placed in front of you. “Thank you for the coffee.”

He nodded and smiled softly, despite his current mood. “Hello.”

You took a deep breath. “So…where do we go from here?”

Harry sadly looked at you with desperation in his eyes that spoke, no, begged you to tell him to stay, to tell him that you two could and would work this out. But it seemed like you hadn’t received that specific message from his green and sorrowful eyes.

“You were right…We haven’t been able to make time for one another. So, we’ll just…take some time apart.” His heart and voice cracked at the end of his sentence, finding it hard to even form a sentence that didn’t absolutely break him. You nodded, agreeing, but it didn’t hurt any less; you knew this would be best for the two of you because both of you had to focus on yourselves, especially when Harry had his priorities, such as his family, which you weren’t going to make him change whatsoever. “Okay…so, we’re over.” He hadn’t said it as a question but rather a way to see that realization.

You reached across the table, placing your hand on his, and you were lucky that he didn’t pull away. “Harry, this doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I…will always love you.”

“And I’ll always love you too,” he said honestly.

Behind the civil and mature conversation that occurred, there was sadness and heartbreak. There were no more smiles or laughs, no more love and affection, or anymore meet-ups during lunch or coffee dates during breaks. The painful look on Harry’s face had only pained you even more, but you both knew this split-up and time apart was for the best.

That was six months ago.

Now, as you sat across Harry, you felt an overwhelming rush of relief and joy; he just looked happier and you saw a familiar glint in his eyes as he looked at you. It may not be the same sparkle of love as it once was, which you were afraid it wasn’t, but there was still some kind of sparkle—the kind someone would give when they reunite with an old friend.

“The kids miss you—they miss you a lot.”

Your eyes look at him fondly at the mention of his children. “Really?”

“Yeah, they do. They said, and I quote, they miss their ‘pretty fairy second mom,’” Harry said quite proudly.

Harry had three kids that you absolutely adored. There was Mira and Estelle, seven-year-old twins that looked like their father. Mira was very energetic and talkative—that little girl could talk for hours on end without missing a beat; Estelle was more quiet and reserved, but once you started hanging around, she opened up and was quite fun to have a laugh with. Then there was the sweet little two-year-old boy, Rory, who resembled his mother. He was always babbling and giggling, so happy and free.

If Harry was being honest, Rory was a complete accident. Him and his ex had separated and broken up when the twins were four, but they were still seeing each other. Those occasional hangouts led to another child, which they both thought would help them bond, but six months into the pregnancy, they both knew it wasn’t right anymore—not like before. So, they stuck to coparenting and, if they were speaking the truth, it was much better than being together.

When Rory was six months old, that was when Harry met you. On an unexpected literal run in the park when you and Harry were on your daily runs, the trail was only narrow and small enough for one person to run. So, when you and Harry were running towards each other, you braced yourself for the awkwardness you were about to face with the man. Harry politely smiled, moving to his left, only for you to move to your right, which made you both giggle. The two of you then moved to the opposite side, only to clash again. The thought was quite hilarious to the two of you, so you both started laughing, clutching your stomachs. Once you two calmed down, Harry then said that he was going to his left, so you moved to your left, running the opposite directions from each other.

At the end of the trail and on your way to the parking lot, you saw Harry finish the same trail but exit from the other side. And if it said anything more, you parked right next to his car as well. Harry smiled, dimples flashing and asked you how your run was, which then led to a bit of small talk. In the six minutes you two were talking, Harry made the impulsive decision to ask you if you would like some coffee. He wouldn’t have asked if it were anyone else, and until that moment he didn’t even know if he was ready to date again. But he took the chance and decided to ask you, and luckily, you said yes.

The rest was history.

“I miss them so much too.” You smiled softly, thinking about the kids that you had thought of as your own.

“I, uh, I know it’s too much to ask, but I figured I should ask either way…Would you like to see them? Mira would never live it down if I told them that I saw you and didn’t ask if you wanted to see them.” He added a chuckle at the end, nerves creeping up his skin.

Your eyes lit up. “Really? You’d let me see them?”

Harry raised his brows. “Yeah, of course! You could see them anytime you want, if you’d like. Just because we’re not, y’know, together doesn’t mean that you can’t see them. I know how much you love them and how much they love you too,” he reassured.

“Would Laurie be okay with that?” You asked about his ex and the mother of said children.

He nodded. “Yeah, she would. I mean, she also knows how much they love you.” Harry was lucky that the mother of his children and his ex was so kind and chill with having someone that Harry loved be ‘another mother’ to her children; all Laurie really asked of you was to not try and replace her role as their mom and to always keep them safe when she wasn’t around, and who were you to disrespect her wishes?

“Harry, I would love to, thank you. I really do miss them.” You felt yourself getting a bit emotional because of how much you missed the kids, and it’d felt like an eternity since you last saw them.

“Great! Tomorrow is the weekend, so are you free to go to the park and maybe get some ice cream after?”

“Yeah, that sounds like a plan.” You smiled, not too widely as you tried to contain your excitement.

Harry smiled back at you before quickly looking at his phone to check the time. “I gotta get back. But I’ll see you tomorrow and will text you the details tonight.”

“Okay, see you soon.” You stood up to hug him, and his arm immediately wrapped around your waist, hugging you to his chest. His stomach was doing flips as he felt your breath against the crook of his neck. He didn’t want the moment to end, and it was the most physical contact that you two had in six months.

Pulling away, he offered you a smile before bidding you goodbye, and you finally let out the breath you had been holding the moment the bell chimed and the man you still loved walked in.

A soft blush was planted on Harry’s cheeks for the entire day. He was driving from work to Laurie’s house to pick up his beloved children as he thought about how his day turned out to be.

In all honesty, he hadn’t expected to see you in the coffee shop that you two had gone to throughout the entirety of your relationship. He had just gotten out of a meeting and was debating on going to Coava because he hadn’t been there since the day you two called it quits, but he figured it was time and thought that maybe reminiscing on the memories you two had with each other wasn’t a bad thing. So, he walked into that shop thinking he was just going to get a coffee to-go, but he had gone in there and left with something so much better.

The moment his eyes landed on yours his mind had screamed and reassured him that he wasn’t just dreaming that you were standing right in front of him, he felt his stomach drop in the best way. The heat had rushed to his cheeks, tugging on the corners of his lips, urging his mouth to smile, and he did not hold back his joy when he saw you. You were beautiful, just like he remembered, but he had no doubt that there wasn’t a day that went by where you weren’t not absolutely stunning.

And the giddy feeling he felt when he asked you if you’d like to see the kids made his heart tumble inside of his chest as he couldn’t wait for you and the kids to finally see each other again.

Harry pulled into Laurie’s driveway, and he quickly got out and knocked on the door, waiting for Laurie to answer. He chuckled as he could practically hear the twins screaming from across the house to make sure they had everything they needed. When the door opened, he was met by his ex that he once loved, and still had some platonic love for her, naturally, as the mother of his children.

“Hey, Harry! They’re just getting their stuff ready,” she greeted with a smile, opening the door wider as she walked away from the entrance and let him in. She grabbed Rory from the couch, who was mindlessly playing with a giant puzzle piece, and gave him many kisses to his cheeks before saying goodbye to her son and handing him off to Harry.

Rory’s eyes lightened up at the sight of his father. “Dada!”

“Hi, my sweet boy. I’ve missed you.” He placed soft kisses to his chubby and squeezable cheeks.

“Girls, dad’s waiting!” Laurie called out from the bottom of the stairway before turning back towards Harry. “Why do you look like that?” She gave him a knowing look.

“Like what?” Harry asked, acting like he didn’t know what she was talking about. The blush really gave him away, he thought.

“You’re just…extra happy today.”

“Can’t I be happy, Laurie? To see my kids?” He teased, smirking as he hugged Rory to his chest.

“I mean, sure, but…did something happen today?”

His smile widened, and it was like he couldn’t contain the exciting feeling anymore and he just had to tell someone. “I saw Y/N today.”

Her brows raised. “Really? How is she?”

“She’s doing well, yeah. We talked for a little bit.” Was all that he told her.

“And I’m assuming it went well.” He nodded, not wanting to tell her more. “Well, that’s great, Harry. She was, is, a lovely woman and she took care of the kids, so that’s all that matters to me,” Laurie said genuinely; she wasn’t jealous, if she was being honest. All that mattered to her was that her kids were in good hands.

Suddenly more footsteps were coming down the stairs. “Dad!” The twins yelled at the same time. He put Rory down for a moment before he bent down to hug his two girls.

“Hi, my loves. How are you?” He kissed both of their cheeks, making their small arms hug him tighter.

“Dad, I scored one hundred percent on all my spelling tests, so I’m qualified for the spelling bee!” Mira explained excitedly once she let go of Harry.

“Really?! That’s amazing, bug. This week, I’ll help you study for it.” Mira beamed at that before walking over to her mom to say bye.

“How are you, my sunshine?” He directly asked Estelle, knowing that she was specifically waiting for Harry to have his attention on only her. Even though she’d never told him that, he could tell that sometimes Estelle lets Mira have her moment and wanted to speak with Harry when no one else was paying attention.

“I’m good. My teacher told me I could become a math…mathmat—daddy, what are they called?” She looked at Harry for help.

“Look at you, sunshine! I’m so proud of you my little mathematician.” Estelle’s eyes widened. “Is that you meant mathematician, sweetheart?” He smiled.

“Yes, that! I did good on my math test and even baked cookies for you!” Before Harry could say anything, Estelle ran off to the kitchen to grab the plate of cookies she baked last night.

“Alright, babies, let’s go. Say bye to mommy.” The kids said their goodbyes before Harry safely buckled them into their car seats and drove home for a week at their father’s.

When all four of them reached the front door, Harry told the twins to put their belongings away and wash up for dinner. He set Rory down in his high chair before cutting up some bananas in halves, and placing them on the plastic table in front of him for his pre-dinner snack. Knowing that his kids liked home cooked meals better than takeout, fortunately, he set out the ingredients to make some fried rice, which was quick and easy.

The twins rushed down the stairs once Harry put the leftover rice into the pan filled with sautéed veggies, and they settled onto the couch in front of the TV, waiting for dinner.

“Loves, set the table for me, please!” He called out from the kitchen as he transferred the rice from the pan to a large bowl, topping it with green onions. The girls each had a task for setting the table; Mira was in charge of forks and spoons, and Estelle handled the plates since she was less clums. He rolled Rory’s high chair over to the table, which he was so lucky to have gotten a high chair with wheels because it was so much easier to move him without carrying him and the chair; and he gave everyone an equal scoop, depending on how much they ate, and if they wanted seconds, he would be glad to serve them more.

As they ate, Harry was occasionally helping Rory eat the rice, just picking up the contents that didn’t make it into his mouth, as Estelle and Mira both took turns talking. Harry loved family dinner, he tried his very best to give all three of his children the attention that they deserved, but dinner was the one time they bonded the most because no one felt competitive or had the urge to start an argument when there was food in front of them.

“Daddy, how was your day?” Estelle asked curiously, and Harry smiled at his sunshine, as if she was the sun itself, heart swooning.

“It was great, thanks for asking, my love.” He placed his spoon on his plate. “I actually wanted to talk to you all about something.” The twins didn’t respond, just stared at him, encouraging him to continue. “Do you remember Y/N?” Just at the sound of your name, the crowd went absolutely wild.

“Y/N, yes!” Screamed Estelle, which was rare for her to raise her voice.

“Pretty, fairy second mom, of course we remember her, dad!” Mira exclaimed obviously.

“Fairy!” Rory had repeated the only word he could make out from Mira’s mouth as he fussed because of the volume that had increased from his sisters.

Harry laughed. “Alright, okay, settle down. Well, I saw her today.” The twins gasped, making him chuckle. It genuinely felt like he was on a talk show with a live audience. “And I wanted to ask you all if you wanted to see her tomorrow? Figured we could go to the park and get some ice cream together?” He asked hesitantly, even though he knew they’d say yes, and he’d get another chance to see you again.

“Yes!” The girls both answered.

Harry beamed, turning to Rory. “Bubba, remember Y/N? Your slide friend? Remember you used to go on the slide with Y/N?” Rory giggled, a sound that was Harry’s weakness, and nodded. “Do you wanna see her tomorrow?”

“Slide with fairy?” Rory asked, and Harry laughed.

“Yes, slide with fairy,” he confirmed, and Rory nodded his head eagerly.

Harry smiled, glad his kids were with the plans tomorrow. The rest of the dinner was filled with the twins talking about you; they talked about what you all could do together at the park and what they wanted to show you, and Harry would be lucky if they slept through the entire night without continuously waking up because of their excitement for the upcoming afternoon.

Once everything was cleaned up and put away, the twins washed and cleaned, Harry give Rory a bath, and everyone was ready for bed, Harry said good night to his babies, spending about five minutes cuddling and talking them to sleep until they fluttered their eyes closed and off to slumber.

Sighing, Harry closed his door, leaving the baby monitor from Rory’s room on his bedside table before he was able to unwind for the day. He always spent an extra amount of time on his skin care routine, figuring that he sometimes didn’t have time for himself and the only time he had was during nights.

When he was ready for bed, he felt a huge amount of relief to be getting into bed after a long but grateful day, and he picked up his phone and clicked on your message thread. The last time you two texted was a few weeks after the breakup, asking if you were doing okay, and he could practically feel the awkward tension through the texts as he reread them. But he was glad that this time would be a much lighter and better conversation.

Hi, Y/N. Hope this is the right number still. But if it is, kids are on board for tomorrow. Does 12:30 work for you? We could meet at the usual park. If it’s not Y/N, please don’t meet at the usual park because the kids are not on board.

You chuckled at the end of his text, happy to see that Harry is always trying to make jokes and be the comedian.

Hi, Harry! Don’t worry, this is Y/N. Probably would have hunted the person with my number down to get tomorrow’s plans. But that sounds perfect! I can't wait to see the kids tomorrow. See you then!

Harry softly smiled at his phone, not feeling the need to respond and figured he would talk to you a lot more tomorrow while the kids are playing. He stared at the message for quite some time, completely blank as he couldn’t believe the chances that he happened to see you at the shop six months after the breakup, and now he’s making plans with you tomorrow; his jaw was aching from smiling so much.

A few minutes later, he put his phone away to change before he comfortably situated himself under the blanket, feeling the heaviness of his eyes. But once he felt himself starting to drift away into dreamland, his phone buzzed on his nightstand, and he tried his best to ignore it, but curiosity got the best of him, so he picked up his phone and opened the new message.

And I can’t wait to see you tomorrow too.

And just like that, Harry was wide awake, struggling to sleep, but a smile permanently etched on his face for the night.

The day that everyone in the Styles’ household had been waiting for had finally arrived. Luckily, the kids had gotten their needed hours of sleep; Harry had only gotten a few hours of sleep, but when the sun seeped through his curtains, he didn’t dread getting up for the day. Instead, he felt a rush of eagerness, instantly remembering what the day held for him and his kids, and he jumped right out of bed.

Once the four of them were out of the house, Harry had successfully fed, cleaned, and changed his children with no complaints. The house and car ride was filled with conversations about how excited they were to see you again, asking how many more hours there was until they got to see you and if they were almost at the park.

Screams bounced off the roof of the car once Harry parked on the side of the curb; the twins had already taken their seatbelts off, getting antsy as they waited for their dad to open the car from the outside. Harry unbuckled Rory, carrying him until he rounded on the other side of the car to open the door for the twins. They quickly jumped out, clearly excited, but Harry did not forget to remind them that this was still a public area and anything could happen.

“Girls, slow down, please.” Estelle was holding Harry’s hand as Mira was holding her sister’s; Harry was still carrying Rory in his arms because his sister’s were practically lugging Harry with all their might, trying to get to their usual spot, so he didn’t want Rory to get hurt. “Loves, you know Y/N would tell you the exact same thing. Please, just slow down for me.” He pulled the Y/N card on them, knowing that they were better listeners with you than they are with him.

Once they were all close enough, they spotted a thick beige blanket under the tree with a picnic basket, and you sitting on top of it, setting everything up.

“Y/N!” The girls both screamed, Estelle letting go of Harry’s hand as they both ran towards you.

You looked up at the sound of your name, eyes brightening at the little girls running. “My Princesses! Hi, my loves!” You opened your arms widely, inviting the twins into your arms— they practically collided into your arms, making you fall onto your back since you didn’t get the chance to stand up—and embracing them with a big hug. Laughs came out of all of your mouths as wide smiles permanently stayed on your faces. “Oh, I missed you two so much!” You kissed both of their cheeks, making them giggle. You stood up, helping the girls up and brushed their clothes off with your hand from the grass. Harry and Rory were in sight, and Harry put the little boy down, making Rory run towards you. “My sweetheart, oh, you’ve gotten so big.” You hugged Rory to your chest, placing your hand behind his head as your other arm wrapped around his small body.

You were glad that Rory still had some memory of you, and didn’t shy away behind his father’s leg. You placed soft kisses on his cheeks, taking in his baby scent that you always loved.

After Rory was starting to fuss in your arms, most likely due to feeling overwhelmed from the lack of space, you let go of him before standing up.

“Hi, Y/N,” Harry greeted, offering a hug, which you gladly took.

You rubbed his back. “Hi, Harry. I’m so glad I’m here with you all.” You pulled away, smiling at him. Harry’s heart pounded against his chest at the sight of you smiling up at him. His heart did a backflip at the sight of your gorgeous smile, trickling all the way down to his stomach where it triggered the butterflies to release from the net.

“Please, we were all really excited to see you. So, thank you for agreeing.” His hand innocently ran down your arm, sending shivers down your spine.

You turned around to look at the kids who were making themselves comfortable on the blanket. You and Harry joined them as you sat in between Estelle and Rory, and Harry sat in between Mira and Rory.

“Okay, so I made some sandwiches. You all still like grilled cheese, right?” You hoped, and the twins nodded; you turned towards Rory. “What about you, sweet pea? Grilled cheese?” At the sound of cheese, Rory nodded his head and clapped his hands, making you smile.

Harry was so lost in his mind and heart that he was simply so distracted in helping you out as you unwrapped the sandwiches from the foil, putting them on a paper plate. He was just so fond of watching you interact with his children so naturally, like there was no time that was wasted when you and Harry were apart. And he was especially happy that the kids still loved you just as much as they did when you two were together; and how they still kept talking about you despite the breakup.

Aside from you and Harry, the kids had taken the breakup the hardest. From the knowledge they had based on what Harry and Laurie told them, they understood that their mommy and daddy couldn’t be together anymore due to adult reasons; it took them a while to adjust to that, but they eventually managed and figured it was better and more fun. But when Harry had to break the news on why they wouldn’t be seeing their ‘Pretty Fairy Second Mom’ anymore, they took it harder than expected. They simply looked at it as you didn’t want to see them anymore, which wasn’t the case at all, Harry explained.

“Sometimes adults need to take some time apart, loves. That does not mean that Y/N doesn’t love you anymore because she does very much, I can tell you that. But it's good to have some time to yourself, especially in a relationship.”

“But daddy, I thought you were gonna be together forever with Y/N,” Estelle spoke up, tears in her eyes. He was lucky that his kids loved you so much, and he never doubted that they weren’t going to. But his fear had come true when you two called it quits and he had to tell them the truth.

“And maybe we will, but as for right now, it’s best to be apart. Sometimes being apart saves the relationship rather than letting it burn,” he told them honestly, which was the best as he could explain it.

“D-Does Y/N still love you?” Mira asked softly. It wasn’t like Mira to be so soft spoken, which meant that the breakup had affected her deeply.

Harry sighed, grabbing both of their small hands. “She does,” he replied for the sake of more tears coming out of their eyes—plus, he was taking your word for it back at the cafe. “And she also loves you all so much too,” he reminded them again. What he really wanted to say was that maybe one day you two will get back together, but he really didn’t want to get their hopes up.

Looking back on his conversation from half a year ago, he was glad that he told them the truth on why you two broke up. He didn’t want to confuse his children even further, making them completely oblivious to the situation—he just wanted to be honest with them because he hoped you two would meet again and get back together at some point.

“Harry, would you like one?” You asked, bringing Harry back out of his thoughts. He smiled, nodding, not trusting his voice to speak; and you gladly handed him a plate with a sandwich, pouring some chips onto the side—his favorite chips, you still remembered.

“Thank you.” He smiled softly. The corners of your lips turned up as you bashfully looked at the picnic basket in front of you. You placed Rory’s plate in front of him as he seemed to have crawled to sit closer to you, and you cut out his sandwich into small pieces, along with cutting his grapes in half. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” He stopped you from what you were doing, ready to take Rory from your side as he didn’t want you to feel obligated to take care of him.

“Oh, if you don’t want me to, that’s fine. But I wouldn’t mind feeding him a bit.”

“If you want to.”

You gave him the sweetest grin, and Harry was lucky to be sitting down because his knees would give out on him if he were standing. “I want to.” He only nodded, a crimson color laid on his cheeks.

Harry comfortably watched as you made conversation with the twins as you fed Rory. You always gave them your undivided attention; your expression always lit up everytime they talked about something they were passionate about or interested in, and it just made Harry fall even more with how you were always so supportive in what his kids loved. You were always uplifting them, never dragging their hopes and dreams down.

After everyone was finished with their meals and had time to digest their food, the twins asked if they could go on the swings and Harry said yes. The tree that they were under was only a few feet away, so Harry had a clear view of his girls.

“You’re, like, a magician.” Harry suddenly said, breaking the silence once the girls were safely on the swing.

You chuckled. “How’s that?”

“It’s like hiring a magician at a party—everyone is so excited to see what they do and see them in general—you’re like that; the girls and Rory were so excited to see you.”

You playfully gasped, holding Rory to your chest. “You were excited to see me? Well, I was excited to see you!” You booped his nose, making Rory giggle.

“Fairy!” He exclaimed, and you and Harry laughed. Rory was a quiet two-year-old, but he picked up on keywords that he repeatedly said.

“So, are you seeing anyone?” You cut to the chase, skipping the small talk.

Harry chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Nope. Not entirely sure if anyone wants to date a thirty-four-year-old with three kids.”

You raised your brows in shock, and he knew that look you’re giving him very well—prepared to tease him; even though you weren’t that much younger than him either. “What? Do you think no one wants to date a hot dad? Harry, you’re peak-dilf, everyone wants to date you.”

“And what about you? Do you wanna date me? A dilf?” He teased; a smirk that you knew all too well appeared on his face, making you want to kiss it off, which was what you used to do.

Pursing your lips and cheeks heating up, you gave him an obvious look before you said, “Think you know the answer to that one, baby.” In all honesty, the pet name had slipped, and for a brief moment your eyes widened at the realization, but you brushed it off and continued with your confident and teasing attitude; and it worked quite well on Harry because he definitely heard what you used to call him loud and clear. It made his heart flutter as he missed you calling him that; he never wanted to hear that name come out of anyone else’s mouth because only yours would do it justice.

Harry was left to ponder about your response before you changed the subject, talking to Rory. “Sweets, do you wanna go on the slide?” The little boy jumped up and down, pulling your arm as he had a big smile on his face. You looked at Harry, and he gave you a nod, telling you that he would stay put and watch your belongings.

You and Rory walked hand in hand, or more like hand and finger, to the slide. It was an open purple slide with two sides, and it lasted about two seconds if you slid correctly and if the slide was slippery enough. You helped Rory step onto the playground as the dull metal steps were quite high for him to reach on his own before you guided him towards the slide.

Sitting down at the top and on the edge of the slide, you carried Rory into your lap, hyping him up for what he had been waiting for. “Ready, sweets? Are you ready?” Your tone was pure excitement as you squeezed and tickled his belly.

“Go, Y/N, go!” Directed Rory, and you scooted forward and held onto the sweet boy in your arms tightly as you two slid down the slide. Mouthfuls of squealing screams and giggles came from Rory’s mouth as he clapped his hands towards the end of the slide, causing you to cheer as well.

And the proper dad that he was, Harry clicked the red button on the screen to stop recording you and Rory from the slide. He zoomed in, capturing the bright smiles placed on his sweet boy’s and the love of his life’s face, screenshotting the perfect frame. He didn’t think the day could have gone any better than this; it was quite the perfect day, he thought.

When it was rounding two in the afternoon, Rory’s eyes were starting to droop, exhaustion taking over him from running around for almost an hour that his little body couldn’t keep up, so a nap was in his favor. He lazily looked up at you, reaching his arms up for you to carry him, which you happily held him. He settled his head on your shoulder, and it only took a few kisses and back rubs for him to be out like a light while the sun still shined in his face.

You walked over to the blanket, figuring it was time to call it a day at the park; Harry and the twins were running around nearby on the bedded grass area playing tag. They retreated to the blanket once they saw you with Rory in your arms, breaths heavy from their run.

“Oh, my sweet, sweet boy.” Harry sighed when he got to spot under the tree; you handed Rory to him, admiring the two boys cuddling as Harry pressed quiet and soft kisses to his son’s head. Since your lap was available, Estelle and Mira took the chance to finally be able to properly cuddle you since Rory was taking most of your attention. The girls took one leg each, and you wrapped your arms around their waist, kissing their shoulder.

The five of you stayed put for a while, calming down under the breezy weather that had started to pick up until it got even colder was when Harry decided it was time to leave. Luckily the girls were still awake to help with cleaning up, and were rather helpful because Harry was trying his best with Rory situated on one side of his body.

Once all of you were next to your cars, Harry placed Rory in his car seat as you were hugging the girls goodbye. You and Harry agreed that everyone was too tired to go out for some ice cream since all the twins wanted to do was lie down. Harry knew he didn’t want the day to end, even though it was still quite early, but the older he got, the tougher it was to keep up with his little children who just loved running around; a relaxing and peaceful night was calling him.

“Hey.” Harry closed the passenger door before he rounded the car to meet you on the grass. “I know we talked about going for ice cream today, but it seemed like we’re all too tired, but I was wondering…” he paused for a moment, a bit of hesitancy in his voice. “Would you like to come over? Maybe…for dinner, or to have a glass or w-water?” He scratched the back of his neck, nerves getting the best of him.

You smiled, thinking he was the absolute cutest when he was flustered. “Harry, I’d love to. Feels like I haven’t drank any water so I’m parched,” you teased.

He breathed out a laugh. “Okay, uh, I’ll see you home.” He gave you another smile before walking away and inside of his car, completely unaware of his choice of words.

Home. More specifically, Harry’s home. It was a place that made you feel safe, and if you’re being honest, it’s been too long since you’d had complete solace.

Your mental pep-talk throughout the drive toward Harry’s had helped in some way. Keeping it simple without driving your mind into overthinking every single thought, you laid it all down as if you were planning and preparing a business proposal.

You didn’t want to dive deep into what Harry’s invitation could entail—more like you didn’t want to get your hopes up on if you two were to get back together because the potential rejection you could face would absolutely crush you. Harry’s a kind and sweet guy, he’s simply inviting a friend over for a drink and dinner, if you could even call yourself that. Plus, it was still early to fully call it a day, and he planned for ice cream after the park, so he was fulfilling that promise of sweet dessert.

Without realizing, you’d been sitting in your car for a solid five minutes, staring over your steering wheel as you were parked on the curb in front of Harry’s house. Harry’s car was already in the driveway, so they were just waiting on you.

You walked towards the front door, and it swung open before you even got the chance to knock.

“Hey, thought you’d change your mind when you weren’t getting out of the car,” Harry joked, although that thought really crossed his mind when he peeked out through the window and saw you still in your car.

You chuckled nervously. “Oh, no. I wouldn’t.” You stepped inside his house, and a wave of nostalgia rushed through you as if you were at the beach and the harsh current knocked you over as you were trying to walk against the sandy wind.

Everything still looked the same—the same since the night you left without another word to the kids, just a note to Harry telling you to meet at the shop. A pinch of guilt appeared in your face as you frowned, and Harry immediately took notice, but you waved it off as you slightly smiled, telling him that you two would talk later. He didn’t press any further, waiting until later or when you were ready. Instead, he asked if you wanted anything to drink, to which he already knew you’d go for a class of Cabernet, and luckily, he had some in stock—more like, he still had the untouched bottle for when you stayed over.

The two of you leaned against the cold granite counter as music softly played on the speaker that was connected through Bluetooth on his phone. Conversations were light, but it wasn’t awkward in any sense. As a matter of fact, it felt just like old times when you would stay over his house, talking about each other’s day and simply enjoying the presence of one another. That’s what you think this was, you thought—enjoying the fact that Harry was in front of you after so many months and you were cherishing it until the next set of months went by.

After a few conversations and sips of wine later, the time had gone by fairly fast, which always happened when you were with him, and it was nearing five. The kids had woken up from their nap at four and quietly settled in the living room—the twins on the couch in front of the television and Rory was on the padded mat playing with his toys, occasionally talking to his sisters. Harry asked if you would be okay watching them so he could make dinner, and you were close to reminding him that he didn’t need to ask to watch his kids, but then again, you had to remind yourself that things were a bit different now. So, you said that you didn’t mind and walked over to the sofa chair next to the couch and watched TV with the girls as well as play with Rory.

Twenty-five minutes had gone by and Harry called everyone, announcing that dinner was ready. You all walked into the dining room, taking your seats. Your assigned seat was next to Rory’s chair, which was in between you and Harry; the girls were sitting across from you. Once everyone took several bites of Harry’s dinner--a quick fettuccine alfredo--the chatter was back. You enthusiastically listened to the girls and Rory talk; it made Harry smile, loving how natural everything felt.

Estelle tapped Harry’s shoulder, making him turn towards her with a smile on his face. “What is it, sunshine?” She got off her chair, leaning over to whisper something into his ear and he smiled, turning back to his family who was curious as to what Estelle had said. “Go ahead and ask her, love.”

You put down your fork and placed your arms on the table. “What’s up, Princess?”

“Uh, c-can we go to that place?”

“What place is that?” You asked curiously.

“That place where you told Daddy you loved him,” she responded quite bashfully. Your mouth was slightly open, not expecting her to say what she did. Looking over at Harry, he simply had a soft smile on his face with his brows raised, shrugging his shoulders.

Did you want to go back there? The answer was a simple yes. There wasn’t any excuse that you could possibly make up on the spot as to why you couldn’t go there, and it wasn’t necessarily a bad place whenever you thought about it. In fact, you really missed going over there and you would be lying if you said that you didn’t think about that place often.

Your head turned towards Estelle. “Sure, why not. How about we go tomorrow?” You asked everyone, and they all had smiles on their faces. You looked at Harry, directly asking him for permission. “Is that okay?” His elbow was resting against the arm of the brown chair, fingers placed under his lips as he slightly puckered his soft and pink lips; without looking under the table, you knew his legs were crossed. Harry smiled, nodding his head, and everyone cheered.

The rest of the time everyone was sitting at the dinner table, you all talked about plans for tomorrow, and everyone was really excited. Once it was almost eight, Harry realized that it was almost their bedtime, so he hurried them up the stairs to get ready for bed before saying goodnight to you, getting in as many hugs and kisses as they could get.

Harry was upstairs, changing Rory and putting him to bed before he walked down and found you in the kitchen washing dishes. He slipped past you, placing his hand along your lower back briefly before he grabbed the dish rag. The action sent a chill down your spine and you immediately missed his hands on you.

“The kids seem really excited about tomorrow.” Harry broke the silence, glancing over at you as you continued to wash the dishes.

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m really excited too.”

Harry noticed the slight shortness, and he thought it may be because you were tired. “Hey, are you okay?”

You turned off the water and faced him, crossing your arms as he did the same.

“Do the kids hate me?” The corner of his lips turned up before he started laughing, clutching his stomach. If it were any other time, you would obsess over his laugh; it was music to your ears, the highlight of your day, and the sun when it’s bright out. You softly slapped his arm. “Harry! I’m being serious!”

“Darling, you’re joking, right?” Your heart briefly fluttered at his nickname for you. “Those kids love you!” He noticed your change of attitude and that you’d been thinking about this for a while and beating yourself up over it.

“It’s just…I don’t want them to think that we broke up and I forgot about them. I mean I understand if they see it that way because I left without saying another word for six months--didn’t even get to say goodbye to them and have a proper talk. I just don’t want them to hate me.” You looked down at your feet as you played with the thin silver band on your middle finger.

Harry’s seen you in work mode, and it reeks confidence and power. You don’t need much reassurance during work unless it’s when your employees tell you that progress is moving along. But this was completely different; you needed all the reassurance that you could get to get it through your head that the kids that you’d come to love--from the moment you met them--don’t hate you. And Harry didn’t mind telling you over and over again.

“They were just that we split up, that’s all. But they quickly understood why.”

“What’d you tell them?” You asked curiously.

“The truth--that sometimes it’s better to be apart for a while rather than drive ourselves crazy. Told them that when the time is right, then maybe we’ll get back together.” The look in his eyes was so comforting that you immediately fell into them. Harry was always the best with giving you that extra reassurance that you and his kids need.

You felt the extra beat in your chest that pumped so harshly against your chest, but it was surrounded by butterflies, making it flutter throughout your body. As you looked so deeply into Harry’s beautiful green eyes, you realized one of two things; the first thing was that you never wanted to look so deeply into another person’s eyes unless it was Harry’s; and the second thing was that you were incredibly and overwhelmingly still in love with this man and his three children, and there hadn’t been a day that gone by where you weren’t.

Taking a deep breath, itches were crawling up your skin, begging you to say something. “D-Do you think it’s time?” Your voice asked shyly.

Harry was taken back by your question as he raised his brows. He couldn’t deny the nerves that he felt whenever he was around you, but your question seemed to have increased his nervousness.

“We’ve been separated for what feels like a long time now.” He paused, taking a deep breath as he recouped his thoughts to say the right words. “I think-”

“Daddy?” Yours and Harry’s head whipped towards the staircase, finding Estelle at the bottom of it with groggy eyes.

Harry walked towards his sunshine. “What is it, my love?” He kneeled down onto the bottom step, matching her height. Estelle told him that she couldn’t sleep, and that she’s been tossing and turning for a while, so Harry told her that he would lay with her until she fell asleep and carried her to her bedroom. He looked back at you as he was walking up the steps, and you gave him a soft smile, letting him know that it was completely okay.

You finished tidying up the kitchen, wiping down the counters and cleaning the dining table until you realized that you needed to get ready for tomorrow’s adventure.

Once Harry came down the stairs, he found you sitting on the edge of the armchair with your purse on your shoulder; you looked up as he walked up to you.

“I’m gonna head out.”

Harry’s slightly frowned. “Oh, you can stay the night if you want to.”

“No, it’s okay, thanks.” You really did want to stay the night, but you didn’t have a change of clothes for tomorrow. “I’ll be here tomorrow morning.” He nodded, walking you to the door, opening it for you.

You stepped out on his doorstep, turning around as you wrapped your arm around his waist, tiptoeing to plant a kiss to his cheek. The slightest bit of touch from your lips sent Harry’s skin on fire, warming up to the affection. The touch was sent away too quickly as you let go of him completely, giving him one last smile before walking to your car and waving at him as you drove away.

Harry closed the door, the palm of his hand cupped the cheek that you kissed and he sighed as if he was shot with Cupid’s love-arrow, and he wouldn’t mind it if it meant he would feel your affection every single day.

You arrived at the Styles household at ten in the morning with a tote-full of snacks and water, knowing the kids would get hungry from all the walking. You got there forty-five minutes earlier than planned, knowing that the Styles family wouldn’t be out the door right on time because Harry has three kids, two of them who bicker and complain from time to time—especially when they’re sleepy—and a two-year-old who was starting to run away from everything. So, you figured Harry would appreciate your help.

When Harry saw you standing on his doorstep, he let out a sigh of relief. He was still in his striped pajamas pants and a white t-shirt, holding a small pair of olive green pants. You walked in and saw Rory running around half naked, despite it being early in the morning. You told Harry that he could shower and get ready for the day, and to leave it to you because you’ll handle it—plus, you both knew that the kids often listened to you more than their own dad. He smiled appreciatively, kissing your head briefly before walking up the stairs and getting ready.

Once Rory saw you, he stopped running around the house and instead, ran towards you and into your arms. You carried him up the stairs and to his room to get some clothes on him, and luckily, Harry was able to bathe him before you showed up. You gave him his favorite toy to fumble with before you walked into Mira's room, setting Rory on her twin bed before helping her get ready. You left Rory in Mira’s room and went to Estelle’s bedroom, doing the same.

By the time Harry walked downstairs, you and the three kids were sitting on the couch, eating a banana. He smiled, slowing his steps as he was amazed at the quietness and stillness in the house, but then again, he wasn’t that amazed because he knew you’d come in and get things in order.

Harry’s home was a two minute walk to the train station, and everyone decided to take the train since it was what you and Harry did when you two were dating, and the kids really wanted to walk through the entire path of their father’s love story.

Luckily, there weren’t that many people on the train—it was practically empty—so they didn’t have to rush to get a spot for the kids. Rory sat in the middle of his sisters as they all smiled brightly towards Harry’s phone that was capturing the adorable children for a sweet memory sake. You and Harry were standing, making sure neither of the kids fell over if the train made a halting stop. You held onto the metal bar above you, Harry held the bar that was mounted into the floor, and you both watched the kids interact with one another—counting on their fingers, booping one another’s noses, and laughing; it was every parent’s dream.

Without noticing, Harry moved closer to you, placing his hand directly next to yours; the side of your hand touched his, and you looked at him with wide eyes while your heart fluttered. You were hip to hip, and you saw the smirk he had on his face while occasionally glancing over at you. You couldn’t help the heat that rose onto your cheeks because it felt like old times when you two used to ride the train together and it would get too packed to where you had to stand up; he would always face you as your hands touched—sometimes he would even intertwine your fingers together while you two held the bar as you were one—and he would hover over you, giving you plentiful kisses like the true romantic that he was.

The train ride took about 30 minutes and it was a two minute walk to the place that gave you so many happy memories and nostalgia—International Rose Test Garden was where the memories of you and Harry were stored.

You had the girls on either side of you, holding their hands; and Harry carried Rory since he was likely to run around and Harry didn’t want to risk his safety.

The sun was bright—beautiful for a day in the garden as the roses and flowers bloomed ever so widely. All of you walked the rows and rows of flowers, occasionally taking pictures in front of the rose bushes.

Remembering all the times you and Harry were hand in hand, laughing until your stomachs were sore, like you did an intense ab workout, and there were tears resting in the outer corner of your eyes. All the memories that were swirling around in your head made you come to the conclusion to one thing: you never want to be without Harry and his kids ever again.

You don’t know how it took you so long to realize this, maybe it was seeing them for the first time in six months that you realized that you had it great—a small family that accepted you and loved you for who you were, and you loved them just the same.

Harry walked beside you, the kids skipping and playing around in the grass in front of you two. Confidently, you slipped your hand into Harry’s ringed hand, immediately intertwining your fingers together as if your hand knew what it was missing. Harry briefly looked down before looking at you. He smiled, and turned his head back towards the kids, not making a big deal of it as his warm hand accepted the coldness of yours.

You gently tugged against his arm, pulling him back as he came face to face with you; a quiet gasp came out of his mouth when doing so. You looked up at him with bright eyes, and Harry was taken back to a year and a half ago where you, coincidentally, were in this same spot on the very green patch of grass.

“Harry…” you breathed out, looking down at your feet nervously. He made the bold move to step closer to you, chests almost touching. Harry lifted your chin up with his fingers, locking eyes with you so intently that you practically lost your breath.

“What is it?” He whispered.

Taking a deep breath, you said, “I-I realized something.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

Glancing over at the kids, they were giving you big smiles and thumbs up for reassurance, and your heart swooned at their support and love they provided you to finally get back together with their father, even if you weren’t their biological mother.

You looked back at Harry, who was waiting patiently. “I love you. I still do and never stopped.” Harry felt like he stopped breathing at that moment. “You make me so happy—you and the kids, and I don’t want to be without you all anymore. I-I don’t like how it’s only taken me this much time to tell you this, but it felt like the perfect time since this was the place where I first told you I loved you.”

Harry smiled, taking your hands into his. His thumbs smoothed your skin on the back of your hand before he brought them up to his lips and kissed them so delicately. The action made you smile softly before your mind had switched it to thinking that it was affection before the rejection.

But then he opened his mouth to speak such beautiful words that you had been aching to hear during the breakup.

“You’re my everything. I truly don’t know what I’d do without you because you. You’re part of my source of happiness, and life didn’t feel the same without you—the kids could agree with me on that.” He chuckled, looking at them to find them holding hands and jumping around in circles. “But I know that we separated for the better only for us to come back stronger than ever, and I’m never gonna let go of you again, okay?”

Tears pricked your eyes before they streamed down your cheeks. Your heart felt like it was pounding harder than ever, but it was filled with so much love from and for this man in front of you.

Harry wiped away your tears, leaning in to kiss your forehead, down to your eyelids as he kissed your tears away. He pulled away and you opened your eyes, giving each other a relieved and happy smile.

“I love you,” he said, and he swore he saw the brightest smile he’s ever seen—brighter than the sun. “Always have and always will.”

“And I love you. C-Can you kiss me, please?”

Harry grinned. “It would be an honor.”

Placing his palms on the side of your face, he leaned his forehead against yours. Your hands were wrapped around his wrists, rubbing his skin softly. With a smile, he kissed you with such softness and passion that the flowers bloomed largely and the sun shined ever so brightly. The kids cheered and clapped, making bystanders think that you’d just gotten engaged, but you both knew that would be the next step. Your stomach was in knots, butterflies surrounding your body as he captured your lips with his. Hugging Harry’s waist, you pulled him closer and wrapped your arms around him, and he kissed you harder, effortlessly moving his lips in sync with yours as if he was a pro on kissing you, which he was.

Harry pulled away first, giving you several pecks before opening his eyes. “God, I missed doing that. Missed you so much, darling.”

“I missed you too, baby.” You were high on happiness, high on love. “I’m sorry it took us this long.” A slight frown appeared on your face, but Harry kissed it away.

“Hey, hey. None of that. I would’ve loved you until the end of time. I don’t care how long it took, you’re my forever,” he vowed, not planning to break that promise.

Missing his lips on yours, you leaned up to kiss him again while your arms were wrapped around his neck and his were around your waist, holding you tightly as if he was afraid you’d run off.

Suddenly, you started giggling into the kiss, making Harry smile before he pulled away.

“What’s so funny?” He asked. You started thinking about the conversation from the park when you asked him if he was seeing someone.

You curled in your lips before you said, “You’re a literal dilf, and I’m so in love with you.”

please tell me all of your thoughts, feelings, favorite moments and scenes! thank you for reading <3

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles ff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x yn #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles reader insert #harry styles au #dad!harry #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine

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pufflocks · 3 years

Text

Summary: Home Scapes EP.1 – Resting after a meet up with old friends. Your boyfriend appreciates how loving you are when you are behind closed doors.

An-☆: Settings to Goth Rave for best experience. :)

Warnings: Minor NSFW { Pamering Of Bokuto } • proof read

Cast: Dom!M!Reader x Sub!Bokuto

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A nice day to sit around and do nothing. The thought of just simply cleaning while the sun emits sunshine through your Condo windows. With the limited time you had if course. A friend on your boyfriends side agreed that you three would go out. There was nothing particularly to do for literally three grown men on a Saturday. Which was said by Akaashi as he chuckled at his own thought. You attempted to go out and just sit with coffee. It sounded nice enough to be fair to sit at a café and chat idley about anything.

Akaashi had the same idea apparently, but your brat of a boyfriend shut it down with his excessive whining. He said it was "stupid boring" or "he would fall asleep while drinking his tea". You rolled your eyes towards his demise of the idea. Could not believe he was an actual 25 year old man. Classic of him and Akaashi even threatened to ditch if he wouldn't stop crying about the places we chose. Silly Akaashi.

You ended up going to a library after many outdated ideas. Bokuto unironically likes to read books. On one occasion he even asked you to blow him while he read one about some action. His member moving in your mouth at every startle the book gave him with it's alluring characters.

Though in your mind, the library wasn't all enjoyable. It was just as boring since you're just looking at books and walking around. And another reason why your boyfriend entertained the idea so much. When you guys got there, Koutaro was quick to speed walking around like a nerd. Kinda felt like you were watching him at a playground with Akaashi. Who was by the way sitting down comfortably with a novel in his hand about cooking whatever. He wasn't good at it which was kind of interesting to know.

He was also attempting to make sure if Koutaro wasn't fucking anything up with his curious touching in one of the Harry Potter aisles. You chuckled at the side glances he gave him when every once while Koutaro dashed past you guys. It was cute in your eyes to see this ex-volleyball player aweing and running around like a kid though. He was very cute. Akaashi shook his head at the hearts in your eyes looking at your goofball of a boyfriend.

He sneered under his breath. "Shaking my head."

After a while of you reading some chapters of a book called 'Light N' Water', a book about romanticles love of two people, Akaashi stated he needed to go home. He decided to check out the cooking book and you said your goodbyes and headed home by foot since the library wasn't far away from your guys' condo.

When you got home you noticed how quiet Koutaro had gotten. Maybe he was tired from the library or walk home ? When fishing out the keys to your house a bulky arm gripped your own. Tuffs of white and black hair layed on your shoulder is how you knew why your usual loud mouth boyfriend was mute now.

"I know, I know." You start. Opening the door quickly to get both of our bodies through. "You can go sleep when you take a bath. Put on one of my hoodies and lay down on the bed." You said in a low voice near his head. Moving some hair back some more to kiss his forehead. Koutaro sighed half heartedly at the sound of relaxing then getting lazy head afterwards.

You spotted the small smirk on his face as he practically skipped to the showers. You realized after the reading session a while ago, he sleeps best with you near, after sex, lights off and the smell of you intensifying when you get closer in bed. You could not possibly doubt you felt the same vise versa as his natural scent of plain sage was enough to put your mind at sea.

A shower sounded great in the time of things but taking care of your might as well add, spoiled boyfriend was top priority.

"Y/N ! I'm done now, come come !" He shouted. He was back to being loud, but it would soon change and then you can get your well deserved shower aswell.

The smell of body wash filled your nose senses as you began to enter the bedroom. Most likely your body wash since he liked to think he doesn't know it's yours. As you walk further into the room you see he intently has a worn out black school hoodie you owned and some black boxers of his.

He giggled in a boisterous way when you eyed him for pulling the loose string on one of the hoodies sleeves. Hopefully he doesn't giggle in his sleep after this quickie, you thought. It's more terrifying than anyone could actually think to be honest.

You shook your head at the giggling thing you call your lover, as you fall on your stomach on the bed dragging Koutaro's hips closer to you. "Whoah-!" His fit of small giggles died down when you press an experimental hand down on his crotch. He sighs in content while jutting his hips up very cautiously. Not so shyly he covers his sleeve paw hands up to his face. Peeking excitedly for what's to come next.

Look at him being so good. Crazy how just a few hours ago and yesterday he was a happy jumping bean. Well he still was, happy I mean – just now he was more chill and pliant. Dressed up in his boyfriends clothes that smelt of his cologne and body wash like he owned it first. It most likely was at this point but no worries, he looked very beautiful in it and smelt of you.

He thought beforehand if he wanted to hold one of his many stuffed animals. A dalmatian dog named stew being his favorite. Why did he have so many was because he liked to hold them when getting fucked slow. People didn't know him like you did. Some even thought he was as loud as he was in bed, but he was actually very shy the first time.

No pushing was involved since he seemed a bit uncomfortable so the next time you brought up the idea of sex, you bought him a stuffed animal. He held it with care when you began prepping him as he played with the dogs dotted ears. Eventually there was no need for stuffed animals during sex, but every once in a while he buys them in rememberance of the time. You are sure the workers are curious of why he goes there so often — but it's not their business.

Tiny, the dalmatian stuffed dog, was his favorite because it reminds him of his boyfriend being patient with him.

"Kou baby, you sleepy a bit or just horny ?" You asked in a humming manner. Rubbing the butt of your palm on his half hard bulge. He always managed to leak out precum whenever you was the slightest bit of excited with arousal and that never failed to turn you on. Your boyfriend nodded to both of your questions as he unconsciously spread his legs open further for you.

"I wan' to cum because I smell like you today." He said. Eyes straining on the hand moving lovingly on his front. You hummed, nodding at his vibrating voice as you began to kiss his milky muscles thighs.

"Just relax. I'll take care of you, Kou."

Next up -> Long Misfortunes { You've been very unfortunate before your years with your boyfriend. Thankfully he fills the broken holes you encountered through your unfortunate life with baking. -☆ }

#Bokuto #Bokuto x male reader #haikyuu male reader #top male reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x top male reader #dom reader #dom male reader #smutty fluff #soft Bokuto #ZenWritesFluff-☆#ZenWritesSmut-☆

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nitewrighter · 3 years

Note

Does Hanzo ever find out what Genji went through/what he was like during Blackwatch? If so, how does he react?

I think he does eventually, like... Genji lets him know that he was in a very difficult physical and emotional place with Blackwatch, and Hanzo’s able to pick up from Mercy that “Okay no, I don’t think you understand, it was really bad”--but she’s also fairly light on the details mostly for Genji’s sake like “Hey, I’m not going to tell you any more than Genji was comfortable with telling you.” And Zenyatta hangs back for the same reasons, and also he wasn’t there so he doesn’t want to distort the details from what Genji’s told him. So the one person Hanzo can actually get the full story from... is McCree.

Also this fic references the first meeting fic so yeah!

----

“Well?” Hanzo had one elbow resting on the bar. Music was faintly playing but it blended in with the humming murmur of the other patrons. Snowflakes were buffeting the glass of the windowpanes just outside and both of them had shrugged off their heavier coats. The bar itself had a homey, lived-in quality to it. Not dirty, but with a definite age to it that seemed to lend a further brightness to the bodies gliding through it and chatting. The icy Andean wind had heightened the redness of Hanzo’s nose and cheeks well before any alcohol had. It contrasted against the cold discernment of his dark brown eyes.

“I’m gonna answer your question with a question--” McCree started.

“Which isn’t an answer--”

McCree leaned back in his bar seat, folding his arms across himself. He almost looked sagely. “Are you asking this because you genuinely think it will help you get a gauge on your shit and move forward, or are you freaking out because things are going more okay than you think you deserve and feel a need to kick yourself square in the Rocky Mountain oysters?”

“Rocky Mountain--?”

“It’s this fried--I’m talking about--” McCree sighed and sipped his whiskey, “I’m saying you’re doing... you’re doing really well, Hanzo. You’re touching base with the team, reachin’ out, you seem to be sleeping and eating better, hell, you’re clutch on missions, but now you’re asking about this, and it worries me.”

“Why should it worry you?” Hanzo’s eyes narrowed.

“Because--y’know... I care about you. You’re a part of this team and I care about you... in a..” McCree cleared his throat, “Team-y way. And... you were stuck in a dark lonely place and I ain’t itchin’ to give you the means to go back there. ”

“But you can understand that the fact that I don’t have the full story distresses me more, can you not?” said Hanzo, “As well as the fact that knowing the more the truth of it is obscured with me, the worse I can assume the situation was.”

McCree scratched at his beard, frowning. “Yeah... yeah I can understand it--but I can also understand Mercy and Zen not spillin’ the beans on Genji’s account.”

“Mm...” Hanzo glanced off and sipped his own drink.

McCree twisted his glass slowly, “Then again, sometimes I think Reyes brought me on the team to begin with because I have a pretty high success rate with the whole, ‘Beg forgiveness before asking permission’ rate.”

Ana called you a charmer, the words almost slipped out of Hanzo but he wasn’t sure how they would land, so he held them in. Instead, Hanzo only mildly gestured at the bartender to refill McCree’s glass.

“Don’t think you’re getting it just because you’re gettin’ me drunk. It ain’t exactly a pretty story,” said McCree.

“I’m prepared,” said Hanzo.

McCree studied him a few moments longer, one hand still wrapped around his glass and one corner of his mouth pulled up with indecision before he closed his eyes and exhaled. “All right,” he said, “If only to keep you from kicking your own ass over what you don’t know.”

“I want you to start at the beginning,” said Hanzo, his stare steady.

“Well t’be fair, Blackwatch was casin’ Hanamura for months, even before your old man passed--er---my condolences--”

Hanzo snorted a little. “It’s... fine,” he said a bit awkwardly. He was more disarmed than really upset at the idea that McCree may have been far better versed in the activities of the Shimada Clan than he had really anticipated.

“Gérard, that is, our UN Attaché, had this whole thing about ‘pulling everything out to the light,’---And the fella was good at it. Could sniff out paper trails and track down dirty money like no other. The initial plan was to get Genji on possession charges and drag the whole clan out behind him. Your old man’s passin’--again, condolences--threw the whole schedule off though. And then we received additional intel that the Shimada dragons might be more.... uh... what’s the word for ‘unusual’ but it’s like... more business-y unusual?”

Hanzo shrugged.

“Un... Im... Uhhh.... Anomalous! That’s the word! Might be more anomalous than we thought and ‘warranting further investigation’ or whatever,” McCree seemed to be easing into the story now, plucking up details from debriefings, “SEP and all its affiliates had been more or less shut down post-Crisis, but there were still worries about human experimentation... strange abilities, and the like. And the dragon stories had been floating around your family for decades, but only when things got destabilized did we consider they might be more than stories. Then we got word that the wheels had been set in motion that the clan would kill Genji before we could get our hands on him--Arrest mission became extraction mission, and extraction mission became rescue mission. The time frame was so sudden we had to bring the Doc along because we thought she would be our best chance at saving him--She wasn’t in Blackwatch, you understand. Wasn’t too keen on undermining the Japanese government either. But... it turns out bringing her along was the right choice.”

Hanzo seemed to be maintaining a veneer of calm, but there was an unmistakeable new undercurrent of tension in his movements and expression as he sipped his own drink.

“You know what he looked like when you left him,” said McCree, “Do you really want me to go into the details there?”

“Yes,” said Hanzo.

McCree huffed and took another gulp of whiskey. The burn of alcohol rasped the first few words of his next sentence. “So it was me, Reyes, the Doc, and a handful of Blackwatch extraction medics touching down in Hanamura that night. Apparently the Shimada clan’s forces were decentralized from the castle. We infiltrated the castle grounds. Found a handful of your security already dead. Took out one more... left his body with the others. Didn’t have time to run a full investigation, or lock anything down. Finding Genji was the top priority. And we found him. Three limbs gone. Puddle of his own blood. Looked midway between... someone had dropped him in a garbage disposal but at the same time... not right--just... gone. The limbs were gone. The wounds were too clean but still bleedin’ out.”

Hanzo’s knuckles curled in, white and shaking as he took a steadying breath. “Consumed,” Hanzo said quietly, “The dragon consumed them.”

“I can stop--” McCree started.

“Finish what you start, Cowboy,” Hanzo’s voice was steady.

McCree swallowed. “I’d seen some fucked up shit under Reyes, but this... yeah, it was new. I kind of froze up, not quite scared, but just trying to make sense of it. But then I snapped out of it as the Doc rushed to him first. I had a vantage point in case other castle security showed up. Reyes was at the opening to that big-ass balcony so he could flag down our evac. So uh, what you need to understand here is that we uh... we actually had very little solid intel as to what the Shimada dragons were capable of.”

“...but I had left the scene well before this,” said Hanzo, trying to puzzle out the timeline of his own fleeing the castle grounds.

“Yeah it... wasn’t your dragon we saw,” said McCree, “See, the Doc, she had to do this... staff... defibrillation thing? I didn’t get a good look at it but Genji, he uh...started thrashin’ and this light sprang out of him. Bright green. Never seen anything like it. He was screaming. Next thing I know he’s grabbing Mercy’s neck.”

Hanzo flinched with some alertness. “What?”

“I mean--first instinct, I’m saying to Reyes, ‘Boss, I got a shot’--like, I know the mission was asset acquisition, but light show or not I wasn’t about to let him kill Angela, but then she hollers out ‘Don’t shoot him!’ And I’m stuck there looking to Reyes like, ‘You’re gonna override that, right?’ And... and Reyes was so calm... I--I could see him doing the math. Breaking people down to resources... breaking their deaths down to trade-offs...”

“You... thought you had to shoot Genji--” Hanzo’s brow was crinkling.

“If Reyes gave me the word,” McCree shrugged, then itched at the brim of his hat, “I never thought someone would hesitate on saving the doc like he was doing right there, though. But.... then she said something to Genji. Never asked what it was, but it seemed to calm him down before he passed out.”

“And you’re saying he grabbed her neck when they first met,” Hanzo’s eyes were narrowed, “But they’re...”

“Well, he was only half-conscious and in this full-on survival mode and she had just... jammed a huge amount of biotic-whatever into his chest. He didn’t know if she was helping or trying to... y’know it was like those times you nearly punched me in the face when I was trying to wake you up from those night terrors.”

“I’m sorry for that,” said Hanzo.

“Psh. If I had a nickel for every time someone took a swing at me out of some kind of traumatic reflex...” he smiled to try and make this seem more lighthearted than it actually was, but Hanzo seemed to still be processing everything, so McCree cleared his throat. “Word of advice, though, don’t make any ‘I guess you’re into that’ jokes with the doc,” he said with a nervous laugh, “No it uh... it took them both a while. I mean, there was this thing there, definitely, but yeah, they were both neck-deep in a whole bunch of shit for a while before they really acknowledged anything.”

“Did Genji take a swing at you?” asked Hanzo.

“Not outside of a Blackwatch sparring ring,” said McCree, “But Jesus, he was scary on the training floor. Still is, sometimes.” McCree paused for a few seconds. “He was obsessed with killing you, y’know. Taking down the whole clan and killing you. Every mission where he got a sniff of you, every mission he thought you might be there and you weren’t, he’d come back snarling.”

Hanzo blinked a few times and glanced down. He knew it made sense, given the idea of justice their family had ingrained in them, but there was still an odd sting to the idea. But I’m his brother, he thought, but then he thought, But that didn’t stop me.

McCree seemed to take Hanzo’s silence as permission to go on. “ I’d try to distract him... try to get his head out of his ass sometimes, but a lot of the time... you see any living thing in a state like that, all you can do is give it space. Genji did give us a decent amount of intel on the Shimada clan’s bigger operations... but when it came to actually getting in there... he was always the first one on the ground. As you can imagine, it was personal for him. There were a handful of bullshit ‘stakeouts’ in Japan where Genji would ditch me... I knew Reyes wasn’t telling me the whole story, then again, it wasn’t my job to know the whole story.” McCree sipped his drink. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t know what he was doing, though.”

“...killing heads of the clan,” Hanzo said quietly.

“Can’t exactly confirm or deny that but... yeah,” said McCree. A prickle of alarm seemed to go through him. “Look, I don’t want to kick off any more brother-killing fuckery--”

“You’re not, Jesse,” Hanzo’s voice was subdued, “I was the right hand of the clan... and the destruction wrought by Genji was, if anything, a product of my own actions.”

“Also his actions--He was fucking nightmare--I mean I liked him, but he was a fucking nightmare, sometimes. Lashed out--like... you didn’t really think of him as giving a shit about you with all that seething over the Shimada clan--- but then he’d know how to say something that hurts, and he knows exactly how it hurts, and you wouldn’t know if he learned how to hurt that bad from your family or just because he was hurtin’ that bad and---” McCree seemed to catch the alarmed look in Hanzo’s eyes, then took a steadying breath before sipping his drink again, “Look... this stuff... it’s all in the past. And he is a lot better now. And he is one of my best friends. Kind of wild how someone who hurt you that deeply can be a best friend like that, but... that’s kind of how life works. Kind of how this shit works when you don’t know if you’re coming back from that next mission. We’re all fucked up here. It’s about learning to take the fucked up parts of yourself and trying to make it into something that helps the people that mean something to you. ”

“The people that mean something to me...” Hanzo repeated quietly. He remembered McCree’s words from his second night on the watchpoint. ‘We’re all just background noise to you. You’re just here so you can stop kicking your own ass after Genji.’ Then he remembered Genji’s words. ‘Well... you’ve been traveling the world for a decade... has there... been anyone? Anyone special? Anyone you loved?’

“...I feel like I’ve let that part of me atrophy,” Hanzo said quietly. Answering Genji’s question, not McCree’s words.

“Atrophy?” McCree repeated.

“When you don’t use a muscle for a long time and... it ceases to be able to functi--”

“I know what ‘Atrophy’ means--” McCree wasn’t making eye contact, “You let... caring about other people... atrophy,” he parsed, trying to trace out Hanzo’s thought process.

“Mm,” Hanzo took a sip of his own drink, “So while I was wandering in grief, Genji was consumed by pain and rage.”

“Which... he’s told you,” said McCree.

“Well, yes, but he didn’t go into details,” said Hanzo, “I know, this might be difficult or painful to talk about, but I really do appreciate getting a more complete picture of what happened to him after my actions.”

McCree tilted his own glass back and forth on the bar counter, letting the whiskey rock around the interior.“I know, but...don’t heap all this on yourself. Reyes always said he wanted the cockroach motherfuckers, and he was more than happy to let Genji snap and swear and lash out and burn the house down because that suited Blackwatch’s agenda better than, I dunno, therapy? Only when we got benched after the Venice incident did he yank in Genji’s leash, because hey, it turned out having a PTSD cyborg tearin’ around the base cussin’ people out wasn’t a good look for Blackwatch.”

Hanzo huffed a little. There was an odd comfort in that. But then he paused, running over the course of McCree’s words in his mind. “...you keep bringing up Reyes,” Hanzo said, fixing his eyes on McCree.

“Sorry--I--I know this should be about Genji,” said McCree.

“No it... it gives some perspective,” said Hanzo, “You trusted Reyes, didn’t you?”

McCree’s mouth tightened for a few seconds before he drew in a short breath through his nostrils. “Yeah... yeah, I did. He just... I mean I’d keep telling myself I was my own person, that I did things with my own style, but so did he. So like... whether it’s ‘your own style’ from fuckin’ Santa Fe or Los Angeles... is there really that much of a difference? If you still picture yourself in their boots, give or take a decade or so?”

“Hm,” Hanzo was thoughtful at this, “I imagined myself in my father’s position so long that when everything came apart and I found myself wandering the world, dodging the clan’s assassins I felt... like a stranger.”

“Kind of liked being a stranger,” said McCree with slight shrug, “Stranger’s from nowhere. Got nothing to prove.... guess it probably hits different if you got a whole... magical crime lord prince destiny thing, huh?”

“The dragon is not magical,” said Hanzo flatly, but a smile was tugging at his lips.

“Debatable,” said McCree, “First of all: It’s a dragon.”

Hanzo snorted and a quiet pause passed between them. Not uncomfortable, but definitely tired, letting McCree’s words and all the pain and memory that came with them drift and dissipate into the warm air of the bar.

“...I could tell you more if you want,” said McCree, after a few beats. “I do have funnier stories... wasn’t all... ‘he was fucked up.’ And--Genji did seem to be getting better-ish towards the end there, once they put him on Tracer’s strike team... but by then Overwatch itself was coming apart.” He snorted. “I guess that’s kind of a running theme with this stuff.”

“I appreciate the offer,” said Hanzo with a slight chuckle. He paused. “Tracer’s strike team?”

“Well, she and Winston probably got more stories there than I do,” said McCree, “And maybe the doc, if it’s in good faith.” He sipped his drink. “You’re welcome to run off to try and ask them about it.”

“I think... this is enough for now,” said Hanzo. After a few beats he said, “You’re not... all background noise to me.”

“What?” said McCree.

“That... you said that on the second night,” said Hanzo, “It’s... it’s not that I don’t value life, or other people--I’m just... it’s been a very long time since I’ve worked with other people, since I’ve talked to other people on a regular basis like this, since I’ve stayed in one place this long, and...” he trailed off, then took a sip of his own drink with some resolve, “I’m afraid,” he said, letting those words sit in the air for a few seconds, “I’m afraid of lending my abilities to another organization that’s used people to hurt other people and then tossed them aside. When your only connection to other people for most of your life was this twisted blood loyalty...” Hanzo trailed off.

“I’m scared of makin’ the same mistakes too, for what it’s worth,” said McCree, “I don’t think fear like that ever goes away.”

“Redemption’s a bitch?” said Hanzo with a slight smile.

McCree broke into chuckles. “You should swear more often. I feel like that’ll help.”

“You’ve sworn plenty for the both of us, tonight,” said Hanzo crisply, sipping his own drink.

“Still, I’m gonna make it a mission to get a ‘fuck’ out of you,” said McCree and Hanzo choked and sputtered. “I didn’t mean it like that! You know what I mean!” McCree was laughing as Hanzo’s attention was split between choking and laughing and desperately looking around for a napkin after spitting his drink. The bartender swooped by with a napkin and the laughs boiled down into chuckles as Hanzo cleaned up a bit. There was another pause then, that same settling of understanding.

“Thank you,” Hanzo said after a few beats.

“You already thanked me--don’t know what’s worth thanking about saying ‘hey your brother was fucked up and so were we.’”

“Honesty. I appreciate honesty.”

McCree smiled and then shrugged.“Hey--y’know, for all the shit I give you,” McCree started and trailed off, “What I said that night about... all of us being background noise... I know that.. that wasn’t really fair. You really didn’t know any of us and, y’know, as far as the general public is concerned, we’re a whole bunch of mercenary weirdoes doing vigilante shit.”

“And Genji was the only person here I knew, and was really...” Hanzo sighed, “I suppose, I fixed him in my mind to be my last chance at humanity--and made myself out to be a monster to all of you in pursuing that.”

“Well... you’re doing better, I can tell you that much. And... y’know folks are warming up to you.”

“Except Angela,” said Hanzo, with a weary smile.

“She needs time on that... I wouldn’t try to force it,” said McCree, “Baby steps and all that.”

Hanzo huffed a little.

“Hey,” McCree lifted his glass, “To baby steps and runnin’ the hell away from all our old role models.”

“Indeed,” Hanzo clinked his glass against Genji’s. Both sipped their drinks and another pause passed over them. Hanzo felt McCree’s eyes on him and looked over at him.l

“Hey just so we’re clear,” McCree’s chin was in his hand, “I didn’t accidentally kick off some huge new bloody vengeance thing by telling you all this, right?”

“You did not,” said Hanzo with a wry smile.

“Oh thank god.”

#mchanzo #gency

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grimoire2020aa · 4 years

Text

Drink Correspondences (Masterlist)

Coffee

Dark Roast — introspection and heavy meditation. Precision and forethought, foresightedness and divination.

Decaf — nullification, ending spells and winding things down.

Latte — blessings, luck, and pleasantries. fertility and creativity.

Macchiato — catalysts, movement and growth. technology witchcraft.

Cappuccino — psychic protections, peace/balance spells. kitchen spells and pop culture spells.

Espresso — protection and curse casting, awareness and clarity.

Red Eye — curses and dispelling glamours, clarity, astral / divination. increasing intensity scale from Lazy Eye➡️Red Eye➡️Black Eye➡️Dead Eye.

Cold Brew — intuition and justice. level-handedness and impartiality.

Mocha — love magic. magic involving delicate feelings, friendship and forgiveness, budding romance.

Iced Coffee — wealth and career spells. success and motivation. confidence and courage spells.

Frappuccinos

Caramel - Bring some sweetness into your day! Caramel is sticky and sweet, so drink some to attract positivity and comfort to stick with you throughout the day! You could also drink it while you’re studying to help things stick in your brain. Pair with sodalite.

Chai Creme - Don’t you mean the perfect spiced up love potion in coffee form?? This frappuccino uses a spicy chai tea which contains black tea, cardamom, cinnamon, ginger, clove, star anise, and pepper aka your perfect blend of passion, charm, courage, lust, and aphrodisiacs.. *wink wink*. Pair with garnet.

Cinnamon Dolce - On the go? Pairing cinnamon, coffee, and sugary goodness is great for boosting your energy! Relaxing? Who doesn’t love a warm cinnamon-y sugar feeling? You can also use this beverage to bring peace and relaxation! Pair with carnelian / blue lace agate.

Coffee - Coffee is fantastic for mental clarity and grounding. If you’re having one of those days, get some coffee and go for a walk. Take advantage of the boosted alertness to enjoy nature, clear your mind, and overcome any internal blockages. Pair with hematite.

Cotton Candy - (Does not contain caffeine) This vanilla and raspberry frappuccino is perfect for two things: peace and love. Vanilla’s calming aroma paired with this fruit of patience encourages peace of mind. On the other hand, vanilla’s loving vibrations paired with raspberries’ fidelity give you a perfect romance drink. (Raspberries are also used with pregnancy spells which is great because it is also caffeine free!) Pair with moonstone.

Green Tea - Matcha green tea is great for healing! It boosts immunity, reduces bad cholesterol, promotes healthy cell growth, is high in antioxidants, and helps you to relax if you are tense. When drinking, you can see your beverage cleansing and detoxing with every sip you take. Pair with bloodstone.

Java Chip and Mocha - One word: chocolate. These two frappuccinos are practically the same thing except one has chocolate chips in it, so I’m going to group them together. Chocolate is all about love and friendship, and people often give or receive chocolate as rewards. Pair it with a self-love bath and indulge. You deserve it! Pair with rhodonite.

Midnight Mint - How about a minty sweet cleanse? Mint is all about protection and cleansing, and when paired with chocolate brings a little positivity with it. Mint is also great for breaking spells, hexes, and jinxes, so if you’re feeling a bit wary, go grab yourself a drink! Pair with black tourmaline.

Pumpkin Spice - The perfect drink around Samhain to give you all your favorite fall spices in one! Pumpkins are fantastic for bringing some money your way especially when paired with the other spices in your PSF. On top of that, pumpkins are great for divination. Tarot readings in Starbucks, anyone? Pair with aventurine.

Strawberries & Creme - (Does not contain caffeine) Strawberries are very similar to raspberries correspondence wise. This drink is great for innocent or platonic love and happiness! Pair this drink with a friendship spell, or just grab one with your best bud. Pair with rose quartz.

Vanilla Bean -(Does not contain caffeine) Vanilla is always known for its amazing aroma! This drink is fantastic to drink for positivity, whether for yourself, or paired with a spell for others or your home. Pair with amethyst.

White Chocolate Mocha - I love white chocolate for glamour! Just like regular chocolate, it brings positivity, but white chocolate has a sweeter and lighter taste to it. Drink this in the morning to give yourself some boosted confidence and self-positivity for the day! Pair with selenite.

Teas

white tea - air magic, purification, protection, clarity, realization, meditation, cleansing

green tea - fire magic, healing, love, catalysts, mindfulness, passion, sexual health and new energies

oolong tea - water magic, wisdom, reflection and deep concentration, beauty and emotional connections

black tea - strength, stability, endings, finished business, and banishment, expelling negativity. (x)

fruit teas will correspond to the meanings of those fruits, strawberry for love, lemon for cleansing, etc. fruit teas often have the tea plant in them.

floral teas will correspond to the meanings of those fruits, rose for love, lavender for peace, etc. floral teas often have the tea plant in them.

herbal teas will correspond to the meanings of those herbs, mint for wealth, rosemary for protection, etc. herbal teas usually do not have any of the tea plant in them.

raspberry tea - love, strength, endurance and reliability

black currant tea - for abundance, lust, and fertility

rhubarb tea - for fidelity and protection.

mango tea - harmony, balance, contentment, fertility.

strawberry tea - for fortune, friendship, and love.

lemon tea tea - for friendship, love, and purification.

cherry tea - for divination and love.

blueberry tea - for protection.

apple tea - for banishment, fertility, healing, love, protection, and purification.

pear tea - for wealth, love and lust.

orange tea - for beauty, divination, fortune, love, purification, and wealth.

cranberry tea - for protection, positive energy, courage, passion, determination, goals, and action

rose-hip tea - for luck, love, and spirituality.

pomegranate tea - for divination, luck, wishes, wealth, and fertility

Rose tea- love, beauty, glamour, healing, anti-anxiety

Chrysanthemum tea- protection, purification, clairvoyance

Marigold tea- prosperity, happiness, protection, solar magic

Violet tea- fertility, love, aphrodisiac, deep inner peace, feminine energy

Lavender tea- relaxation, sleep, dream magic, faery magic

Dandelion tea- cleansing, air magic, psychic powers

Chamomile tea- happiness, healing, relaxation, sleep

Passion flower tea- sleep, anti-anxiety, health, friendship

Lilac tea- healing, protection, love, flirtation, banishment, warding

mint tea - for exorcism, healing, love, lust, protection, and wealth

peppermint tea - for healing, love, psychic abilities, and purification.

spearmint tea - for healing and love.

ginger tea - for beauty, love, power, success, and wealth.

fennel tea - for healing, protection, and purification.

licorice tea - for fidelity, love, and lust.

cinnamon tea - for divination, fortune, healing, power, prosperity, protection, psychic abilities, spirituality, wealth, and wisdom.

nettle tea - for exorcism, healing, lust, and protection.

vanilla tea - for happiness, love, and lust.

anise tea - for, lust, protection, sleep, blessings, youth.

lemon balm tea - for healing, compassion, endings, fertility, happiness, healing, love, mental, psychic, success,and youth.

rosemary tea - for exorcism, healing, love, lust, protection, and purification.

sage tea - for protection, cleansing, and wisdom.

thyme tea - for courage, healing, love, psychic abilities, and purification.

Hot Chocolate

Caramel - ½ cup milk, 5 oz. chopped milk chocolate, 3 tsps caramel, ¼ cup heavy cream. for love, kindness, domestic works

Cinnamon Spice - 1 cup milk, 5 oz. chopped dark chocolate, ¼ tsp cinnamon, a pinch cayenne pepper. divination, fortune, healing, power, prosperity, protection, psychic abilities, spirituality, wealth, and wisdom.

Orange - 1 cup milk, 2 oz. chopped dark chocolate, ½ tbsp sugar, ½ tbsp grated orange peel. for beauty, divination, fortune, love, purification, and wealth.

White Lavender - 1 cup whole milk, ½ chopped white chocolate, ¼ tsp lavender flowers. for chastity, happiness, love, peace, protection, and purification.

Peppermint - 1 cup whole milk, ½ cup chopped milk chocolate, 1 peppermint candy. for healing, love, psychic abilities, and purification.

Pumpkin Spice - 1 cup whole milk, 1 tsp. chocolate powder, ½ tsp pumpkin spice, 1 tsp. maple syrup. for banishment, divination, healing, prosperity, and protection

Hazelnut - 1 cup whole milk, a pinch salt, 1 tsp cocoa, 2 tbsp nutella or ¼ tsp hazelnut extract. for fertility, protection against evil, creativity, intuition, and psychic abilities

Vanilla - ½ cup milk, 5 oz. chopped milk chocolate, 1 tsp vanilla extract. for happiness, love, and lust.

Peanut Butter - 1 cup skim milk, 2 oz. chopped dark chocolate, ¼ cup peanut butter, add cream to taste. for wealth, love, and fortune.

Milkshakes

Salted Caramel and Pretzel - 3 scoops vanilla ice cream, milk, caramel sauce, salted pretzels. for cleansing and positivity

Mint Chocolate Chip - 3 scoops mint ice cream, milk, chocolate chips, chocolate syrup. for love and wealth, fortune

Strawberry Shortcake - 3 scoops strawberry ice cream, milk, crake crumbles, fresh strawberries. for friendship and young love

Peanut Butter Brownie - 3 scoops vanilla ice cream, milk, brownies, 3 spoonfuls of peanut butter. for frivolity and general happiness/prosperity

Oreo Cheesecake - 3 scoops cookies ‘n cream ice cream, milk, 3 spoonfuls cream cheese, crushed oreos. for youth and memory

Campfire S’mores - 3 scoops vanilla ice cream, milk, mini marshmallows, crumbled graham crackers, chocolate syrup. for domestic magic, and familiar bonds

Banana Cream Pie - 3 scoops vanilla ice cream, milk, 1 banana, ½ packet vanilla pudding mix. for prosperity, protection, and happiness

Boba Tea

Black tea boba ~ courage, banishes boredom, anti-hex, anti-bad luck, protection

Green tea boba ~ Healing, emotional healing/wellness, luck, soothing, joy

Thai tea boba ~ healing, comfort, happiness, courage

Strawberry milk boba ~ love, dedication, luck, charm, promoting self-love

Almond Boba tea ~ beauty, luck, love, abundance

Lychee Boba tea ~ sweetness, happiness, beauty, motivation, promotes positive energy

Mango Boba tea ~ love, protection, happiness, friendship

Chocolate Boba tea ~ love, happiness, self-love, soothing

Honeydew Boba ~ refresh, renewal, kindness

Passion fruit boba tea ~ love, heals heartbreak, sweet dreams, emotional healing

Soda

Cola (Coke)

Is useful for protection, exorcism and banishment. Drink it if someone won’t leave you the hell alone, or if you’re battling negative thoughts.

Root Beer A soda of family, togetherness, and good communication. Root Beer is a wholesome drink that represents the home. Drink it if you want to end drama with your relatives of roommates, or you just want to promote a good relationship with your loved ones.

7up

Is a drink for keeping good health, both physical and mental! Drink 7up if you need some peace of mind, or your stomach hurts. This is also good way to magically cleanse yourself! (You know, if all you have is soda!) Orange Soda

can bring happiness and inspire creativity! This is the soda for celebration and imagination. Have you noticed how young children are more likely to drink orange soda than adults? Maybe the key to your inner child is drinking more orange soda!

Grape Soda

the ~magical~ soft drink that boosts all your psychic powers. It’s the amethyst of soda and not just because it’s purple! (though that does help) Drink it before/during divination, spirit work, or any magic that relies on your connection with other, higher powers.

Pepsi

is the soda of justice, in a way. It’s good for tearing down enemies, breaking off relationships, or good old fashioned hexing. It’s also helpful in a less malicious ways, like bindings and mirror spells.

Sprite

is a soda of fortune and wealth, and you should drink it if you need to get a job or come into money somehow. Or, for general luck, and general success.

Dr. Pepper

represents identity and boosts confidence. If you’re dong any introspection, it can help connect you to your true self. If you’re using a glamour, it will assist in keeping up the appearance you’re trying to achieve. Drink it before performances ( though not right before, because soda isn’t great for the voice.) or when you’re meeting someone new.

Strawberry Soda is a soda of romance and love! Drink it to invite new relationships into your love life. If that’s not your style, drink it to promote self-love! You deserve to treat yo self.

Ginger Ale

the one-up of sodas! Add it to another drink to boost it’s properties, or drink it own your own to give yourself a magical pick-me-up! Really it could be applied to any skill, mundane or otherwise, if you need it! Diet

a diet version of any drink has the opposite properties of the original. Drink it if you want to nullify the effects of the classic version.

Non-Dairy Milk

Soy: Protection, Psychic Awareness, Spirituality

Almond: Healing, Prosperity, Wisdom, Overcoming Addiction, Abundance, Luck

Coconut: Allure, Confidence, Diversity, Flexibility, Protection, Psychic Awareness, Purification, Spirituality

Hemp: Positive Energy, Manifestation, Healing, Protection, Peace, Meditation, Removal of Negative Influences, Love, Binding, Psychic Visions

Oat: Grounding, Prosperity, Beauty, Healing, Health

Rice: Fertility, Abundance, Blessings, Protection, Rain, Security, Wealth

Cashew: Prosperity, Increase Energy, Communication

Flax: Beauty, Healing, Protection, Money, Psychic Enhancement

Pea: Love, Prosperity

Hazelnut: Fertility, Luck, Mental Enhancement, Wisdom, Dreams, Divination, Spirit Work, Wishes

Macadamia: Prosperity

Sunflower: Protection, Success, Positive Energy, Confidence, Happiness

Pistachio: Breaking Hexes/Curses, Breaking Trances, Grounding, Divination

Milk Flavors

Chocolate: Love, Romance, Friendship, Grounding, Prosperity, Comfort, Healing

Vanilla: Love, Energy Restoration, Mental Enhancement, Good Fortune, Healing, Joy

Strawberry: Purification, Fertility, Love, Abundance, Dedication, Inner Vision, Success, Intensity

Sugar (not a flavor but many milks have added sugars): Love and Protection

Smoothie

triple berry blend

blackberries: abundance, prosperity

raspberries: love, fertility

blueberries: protection, strength

strawberry banana

strawberries: overcoming barriers, good luck

bananas: resilience, wealth, luck

chocolate peanut butter

cocoa powder: grounding, love, prosperity

peanut butter: opportunities, wisdom

summer peach-mango

peaches: wisdom, love

mango: romance

bananas: luck, fortune

raspberry orange

raspberries: love, fertility

orange juice: divination, wealth, luck

cantaloupe lime

cantaloupe: comfort, healing

lime juice: purification, cleansing

apricot almond butter

apricot nectar: love, elegance

almond butter: success

pineapple coconut

pineapple: luck, money

coconut shavings: protection

spinach apple banana

spinach: money, prosperity

apple juice: beauty, divinity

bananas: resilience, fortune

Source: @mybookofbitchcraft, @orriculum, @heatherwitch, @kitchenwitchtingss, and @grimoiregradient

#drink correspondence #masterpost drink correspondences #correspondences #boba tea #tea #coffee #hot chooclate #milkshake #smoothie #drink magic #witches #witch #witchblr #witchcraft #witchery

275 notes · View notes

felixescellun · 3 years

Text

The Starsworn have bloody hands. They are trained for war, for protection, for killing. They are warriors, soldiers, the line of defense against the dark. They are adults, but they are young.

Sage’s hands are long and calloused, scars mapping out stories untold on sunkissed skin. His hands are made for fighting, for defending—for protecting. Kissed by the sun, yet drenched in dried blood and tears of battles he never even had hope of winning. His hands are stained with death and horrible acts. They are scarred from betrayal in the name of protecting, they are rough from years of fighting, but they are gentle, and soft when they wrap around Tulsi, and they are ever softer against your skin, and Sage’s hands are protective, and the scars on them are proof of the lengths he will go for his family. You are family to him, now. He has touched many with roaming hands and even more with bloody ones, but none burn him like you. None make him feel safer than you.

Sage’s hands are rough, and calloused, and scarred. He is made of fire and gold, born into a world of blood and loss.

Anisa’s hands are calloused and firm, showing the fruit of her efforts. Her hands prove that she has worked hard, prove she deserves to be where she is, and more. Her hands smell like lavender, and baked goods, and they are firm but gentle. They smell of spring, and feel like heaven, like safety. Her hands are rough from clawing her way to the top, they are made for defending, for protecting, for standing up for what is right. They are tools of noble actions, always searching for a mystery to solve and an adventure to pursue. Anisa’s hands are made for climbing ladders and protecting people, made for mercy. When Anisa holds you, she holds you like you mean more than the world. Her hands hold you as if to protect you from the world’s shadows, and you know she will.

Anisa’s hands are calloused from hard work, but smell of home and adventure all at once. She is made of fierce determination and adventure, born into a world that won’t give her the recognition she’s earned.

Felix’s hands are soft and ghosting. They are made for reading in the dead of night, for testing out spells that make him wonder what else is out there. His hands go where they are not meant to, searching for answers and things to hold onto. His hands are the hands of a boy starved of the love he deserves, of a boy lost to the emotions he tries so hard to keep close to his chest. Felix’s hands are protective, are loyal, made to defend those he loves until he sets the entire world ablaze. They are the hands of someone who has lost so much, and would go to the ends of the earths to ensure it never happens again. His hands are desperate, flipping through books long labeled forbidden, bloody from clawing at the earth as he begs for his love back. Felix’s hands are careful as if holding glass when on your skin, but become unforgiving to those who are a threat to his heart.

Felix’s hands are the soft hands of a scholar searching for answers long lost to time, of a lover who turns to a fighter when his hands are forced. He is made of love and devotion, born into a family that gave him neither.

BONUS: MC Hands

Anne’s fingers are bent from hours spent scratching lead on paper, crafting illusions of faces and places. They are long, made for typing stories that will move mountains. Her hands smell of coffee beans and cinnamon, symbols of hope as they wipe tears from others’ cheeks. They are symbols of comfort, of safety, of remaining true to oneself in the face of ignorance and hate. Her hands are warm in yours as she pulls you from your stressful life, into the calming currents of fantasy and fiction. Anne’s hands are stained with paint as she crafts an image meant to soothe your fears. They are the hands of someone who gestures wildly to get her point across, of the singer who makes you cry from the weight of her music. Anne’s hands are gentle as they rake through your hair, and though they are not made for violence, she will do whatever she can to protect people. Anne’s hands are stained with tears of herself and others, made to defend the defenseless, and brighten the lives of the pessimists, always moving, always ignoring her own desires in order to please.

Anne’s hands are the versatile hands of a girl who wishes for the world to be kinder, the hands of someone with stories to tell and beliefs to share. She is made of starlight and hope, born into a world that is losing sight of both.

#fictif #fictif last legacy #last legacy #felix escellun #sage lesath #anisa anka #anne nova #my writing #OH BOY

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mbavholidayexchange · 3 years

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to @rowsha from @pixiepaintt

title: pumpkin pasties and unspoken promises

rating: teen and up audiences

summary:

Benny wasn’t the biggest fan of pumpkin pasties. They were too sweet and too savory and the flavors all mashed into one nasty confection he could hardly call a treat. He'd avoided them ever since his first year.

But when a blonde-headed vampire asks him to try one, he can't bring himself to say no...

ao3 link: link

content:

Benny wasn’t the biggest fan of pumpkin pasties.

They were savory, filled with rich sage and toasted garlic, yet also sweetly crusted with browned sugar and butter. He wasn’t typically a picky eater; he would scarf down most of the Great Hall if it weren’t for those stingy elves (once, he’d snuck into the kitchen at night for pudding and woke up all of the teachers with his screams). But something about the pumpkin pasties made him wince. He wished they would just pick a flavor category and stick to it.

Rory loved them. Every Saturday morning, as the three boys walked to breakfast together, he’d ramble about how long the weekdays had been and how he would give anything for the pumpkin pasties to be available every morning. He usually raced to the hall to gather up all of the pasties from the Gryffindor table for himself; then he’d eventually feel bad and return a couple. Of course, he kept the majority for himself, but it was the thought that counted.

Benny, despite his disdain for the fickle pastries, would never outwardly show it because he was a good friend. His way of showing affection often coincided with insults, but he didn’t want to seriously hurt his friends. Even if Rory liked the grossest food known to warlock, he deserved at least some happiness.

Right now, he wasn’t happy. The two Gryffindor boys were stood outside Ethan’s dorm room at ten minutes past eight. By now, they should be in the Great Hall loading their plates full of the weekend delicacies but a certain someone was too concerned about his likability.

“Guys, do you think Sarah likes straight hair or gelled hair?” Ethan called from across the door.

“Dude, who cares, the pumpkin pasties are probably all gone by now,” Rory wailed, “I’m doomed to eat sticky pancakes and oily hashbrowns for life!”

Benny slung an arm around his shoulder, trying to suppress his laugh.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get some,” Benny promised, grinning.

Rory let out a pleased squeal– seriously, what kind of teenage boy squealed?– and turned to crush Benny in a hug. He was definitely the most physically affectionate of the group and Benny didn’t mind one bit. Except for the fact that he valued his life.

“Watch the bones,” Benny grimaced, “some of us are mortal.”

He was immediately released and prodded at, a bashful Rory checking for any damage. It wasn’t his fault; vampire strength was hard to control, especially as a newborn. He got excited easily and wanted to share his happiness with his friends, but it unfortunately sometimes ended in a broken bone or two. Fortunately, Benny was good at crafting excuses to get Madam Pomfrey to heal them.

“Sorry, Benny,” Rory softly amended with a pout when he was satisfied with his inspection. Something tender filled Benny’s chest, easy and comforting. It made him want to pull Rory back into a hug even if it meant broken ribs. It made him feel like he was safe. It made him feel like his smile would last forever.

“Yeah, uh, no problem,” he replied, trying to not let his giddiness show.

And, just like that, the moment was over. Rory gave him a big smile and turned back to the door, rapping on its poor creaky wood.

“Ethan, Benny said he’s going to get me pumpkin pasties! He’s my bestest best friend now!” Rory yelled.

A few of the Ravenclaws in the boys’ commons glanced over and frowned at the commotion, sighing when they saw Benny and Rory. They technically weren’t allowed in other houses’ dormitories, but they snuck in so much that no one cared to confront them anymore. Benny smiled weakly and half-heartedly waved.

“Not my fault I’m the only one with any chance with a girl!” Ethan yelled back, then paused, “Sorry! I’m just freaking out. Do you think Sarah would prefer a more floral or woodsy cologne? I was thinking about an earthy scent but that might be overwhelming for her vampire senses. Do you think Jesse wears expensive cologne? He probably does. Hey, Benny, do you have any more of that pheromone stuff?”

By the time they reached the Great Hall, most of the students were finishing breakfast. As soon as the doors opened, Rory was rushing to the Gryffindor table, oblivious to all of the students he knocked over to get there. Benny winced.

Ethan was still frozen in the entrance, staring at Sarah not-so-subtly. Benny nudged him and waved a hand in front of his flushed face. He was fairly sure that Ethan had pencilled in his eyebrows.

“Hello, earth to E,” he joked. Ethan blanched and frantically turned to Benny, eyes wide.

“Oh Merlin, I should have gone with the floral cologne!”

“Yeah, guess you’ve ruined your chance forever,” Benny dryly responded before laughing at Ethan’s petrified expression, “I’m kidding. Go get ‘em, tiger.” He winked and pushed Ethan toward the Ravenclaw table. He would go with him, as a wingman, but he’d rather not leave food-crazed Rory alone with the first-years.

So as much as he wanted to valiantly shield Rory from all of the nasty looks and middle fingers being thrown his direction, he knew that Rory didn’t want conflict. He wanted comfort.

As soon as Benny turned his attention back to the young vampire, he sighed. Rory was plucking all of the pasties from the table– even the ones on plates– and curling around them protectively. He had garnered more than a few glares from the rest of the house members. Rory spotted Benny and waved giddily, his mouth full and spirits high. Benny always admired him for that: he never seemed to care what strangers thought about him. He would wear the most outlandish clothes and talk about the most obscure things and just… deflected any mockery that came his way. At first, Benny had thought he was just oblivious to the sniggering and badgering, but when he tried to confront the bullies, Rory stopped him and told him that it didn’t matter. No one else’s opinion mattered– only his friends’.

Benny walked over to the table and sat next to him, giving him a warm smile.

“You know, it’s not very swagalicious to steal food,” Benny chuckled, bumping shoulders with Rory as he sat down. Rory gasped, quickly swallowing his food.

“R-Dawg has more swag than you’ll ever know,” Rory adamantly defended, scowling, “R-Dawg invented swag. Check it!” He then began making various noises and swinging his hands in what Benny assumed to be beatboxing. This earned him even more glares.

Benny rolled his eyes and started piling his plate up with food: cinnamon-buttered toast, black pudding, bacon, and a large heaping of sugar donuts. He was quite famished from his late-night DND campaign (and his subsequent adventure of sneaking Ethan back into the Ravenclaw dorms afterward).

“We need to bring the Muse-A-Tronics back!” Rory whisper-yelled to him, eyes sparkling.

“And lose the tiny bit of dignity I have left?” Benny whisper-yelled back.

“Maybe it would make Erica finally notice you,” Rory quipped, looking back down at his plate in something akin to nervosity.

“It would make all the primo babes notice me,” Benny boasted, puffing out his chest dramatically. Truthfully, he valued Erica more as a friend (and was pretty sure she wasn’t into men) but he didn’t want to admit it. His friends had teased him about it long enough that it felt wrong to confess– it felt wrong to even acknowledge himself. When he started thinking about romance, he started thinking about Rory, and then he started feeling guilt and– he preferred to not think about it.

“Girls love that macho piano playing,” Rory affirmed, something pensive in his tone, almost hesitant. He picked at the crust of his toast.

Benny frowned at his arbitrary dejection and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, bringing him in for a quick side-hug. There was a strong need arising in him to console Rory, a mixture of guilt and sympathy. He patted his shoulder and broke apart the contact, feeling foolish for something he didn’t know how to describe.

“Don’t worry, MC MonsterBat will be a lady-killer for sure,” Benny said.

“Who are we killing?” Ethan asked, sitting across from Benny and grabbing an orange.

“Just women,” Benny shrugged, “Speaking of, how’d it go with Sarah?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Ethan facepalmed and shook his head.

“You don’t want to know,” he groaned.

“Aw c’mon, I’m great at love advice!”

“B, last time you tried to hit on a girl, you had your eyebrows singed off,” Ethan deadpanned.

“That fireworks spell was trickier than I thought!”

“The time before that, you almost drowned.”

“In my defense, the textbooks make mermaids seem really sweet.”

Ethan just laughed and started peeling apart his orange. He found Benny’s outlandish flirting style amusing, but he had learned to keep a distance whenever it involved magic.

Rory had been developing a frown throughout the conversation, glaring at his orange juice. He seemed to suddenly decide something and looked up, tugging on Benny’s shirt.

“Benny, do you want to try one?” He asked hopefully.

“One what?” Benny hesitantly responded.

“A pumpkin pastie! AKA the most delicious thing in the world,” Rory cheerfully coaxed, picking up the biggest one he had and offering it reverently. He was so heartened and upbeat that Benny couldn’t bring himself to tell him no.

The smile on Rory’s face was infectious, and soon Benny was grinning widely too. Rory could probably ask him to eat an earwax jelly bean and he’d agree to it– just because it was Rory.

“Uhh, sure, I’ll try a bite,” he said, not missing how Rory’s face lit up adorably or how he pulled him infinitesimally closer. He gently took the pumpkin pastie from Rory’s hands and bit into it without any hesitance.

To be fair, he still didn’t like it. It had too many clashing flavors and the nutmeg was overpowering. But, when he saw the blush growing on Rory’s face and the way his eyes crinkled with joy, he found himself taking another bite, and another…

“Do you like it?” Rory excitedly asked, biting into his own pastie and beaming.

Benny nodded and finished it off, licking his fingers off (and if Rory’s eyes were caught on his lips, neither of them acknowledged it).

“Yeah, it’s a very unique flavor,” he said. He didn’t want to lie; he was just stretching the truth.

“You can admit it, it’s the best food in the world,” Rory stuck out his tongue. Benny just laughed and shook his head.

“Oh, B, you should try the fruitcake next! You always refuse even though it’s my favorite,” Ethan interjected, glancing around the table and grabbing a slice to hold out.

“No offense, but that is probably the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen. I’d rather face Moldy Voldy than dried figs and prunes trying to disguise themselves as a cake.” Benny fake gagged and scrunched his nose up. He had a rich sweet tooth and could say for certain that fruitcake was not included in that. It barely even counted as sweet.

“But you just ate the pumpki– Oh. Oh, of course,” Ethan grinned and flickered his eyes between Benny and Rory, “I’m bloody dumb.”

Rory quizzically looked up from his food and managed a “Hmhuh?” through a full mouth. Benny raised his eyebrows. He usually shared a brain cell with Ethan and could tell what the other was thinking, but he had no clue what was making Ethan laugh so much. He had long since made his hatred for dried fruit known.

Ethan shook his head and smiled at both of them.

“Nothing to be worried about. Did you guys want to head to the Quidditch field later?”

The next Saturday, Benny was the first one up.

“Rory, get up! It’s breakfast time!” He yelled, untangling himself from his sheets.

From the bed over, Rory groaned and hid his face in his pillow. He had spent the entire night getting “food” in the Forbidden Forest. Benny didn’t want to know any more than that.

There was an odd spike of excitement running through him; he just knew that he had to get to the Great Hall as soon as possible. He’d been looking forward to it the entire week, constantly thinking about the darned pumpkin pasties. Whenever he mentioned it, Ethan just gave him a wink.

“If you get up now, I’ll eat another pastie with you,” Benny added.

At that, Rory was standing up, fully awake.

“Really? You’d do that?”

Benny laughed and shrugged.

“Anything for you,” he said, immediately regretting it. That wasn’t a very bro-like thing to say. Rory didn’t seem to mind, though, brightly smiling at Benny and moving to get his robes out.

Benny opened his trunk as well, absentmindedly picking out his finest robes. It seemed like it was going to be a great morning.

The warm feeling in Benny’s chest didn’t dissipate. Truly, he knew what was causing it, but he wasn’t ready to face it yet; he wasn’t ready to face him. He felt like it could end any minute, and he couldn’t risk that.

He was a bit relieved when Ethan said he had to study for his midterms rather than go on the Hogsmeade trip. He didn’t want to leave his best friend alone on the weekend, but the prospect of going out with Rory was too exciting.

Hogwarts had just had its first snow, thinly carpeting the winter grass and stone paths in a soft reminder that winter was near. Hogsmeade was decorated in shiny red ribbons and glimmering icicles, sprinklings of mistletoe hanging from every signpost. The restaurants were particularly busy, drawing in onlookers with their warm stews and hot chocolates filling the chilly air with hearty aromas.

They had, as tradition, stopped by Honeydukes first to satisfy their cravings. Benny was sure to grab enough peppermint creams and sugar quills for Christmas; when in doubt, candy was the best gift option. Who would turn down Honeydukes?

They eventually ended up in the Three Broomsticks, properly cold and yearning for fish and chips. Benny had jumped right into his butterbeer, not caring at all how the froth gave him a mustache.

“I’ve died, I’ve died and reached heaven,” Benny bewailed, clinging onto his mug like it was the most precious thing in the world. Which it was.

Rory had the audacity to look offended. He had barely touched his drink, uncharacteristically distraught.

“You can’t die yet, dude, we haven’t beaten the Feudal Wars IV boss yet.”

Benny considered that for a second and then nodded approvingly.

“You’re right, yeah, I guess I have to hold on until then.”

“Can’t leave the Rorster hanging!”

“Of course not,” Benny chuckled, “You’d never be able to finish that round on your own.”

Rory flicked one of his chips at him, pouting. Benny sighed and gave him back a chip to equalize the transaction, squeezing Rory’s hand briefly as an apology.

“You have to admit though, I’m a god at the Feudal Wars series. I think I’m ranked twenty in the nation. Which, to be fair, there are only about a hundred players in Great Britain, but rankings in a multiplayer RPG are skewed anyway. I can’t wait until I’m back home so I can get back to–

“Benny.”

“What’s up?” He replied, taking a swig of his butterbeer and silently pretending that it was real alcohol to feel cooler. Rory hesitated and drummed his fingers on the wooden table.

“I… I know you don’t like pumpkin pasties.”

Benny froze, nearly choking on his drink.

“Dude, what? We’ve been eating them together every week,” he weakly rebutted. Rory rolled his eyes and smiled.

“I’m not a complete idiot,” Rory laughed, “I know you’ve hated them since first year.”

“But you–”

“I wanted to see if you would. Try one for me,” Rory said, leaning forward and resting his head on his palms. His fangs were ever-so-subtly peeking out.

“Oh.”6

Godric Gryffindor, he must have not been as smooth as he thought. What would Rory think of him now, lying about something so simple as a pastry? Normal friends don’t do that.

Benny lifted his head, mouth agape and ready to rush out an excuse, but– he was met with a blushing, embarrassed Rory. Who didn’t seem upset in the slightest.

“It’s cute,” he promised, reaching out for Benny’s hand and rubbing small circles on the back.

“I just– I didn’t want to make you sad, I’m sorry–” Benny stuttered, feeling exposed.

“Don’t apologize, B,” Rory insisted, “You know, to make it even, I’ll eat fruitcake for you.”

Benny furrowed his brows. It sounded almost like a confession– a reciprocation. Maybe they had both been hiding their attachment. Merlin, Ethan had probably stayed back at Hogwarts to make this happen. Well, not that Benny was complaining.

He squeezed Rory’s hand and smiled.

“That’s a bet.”

“Okay, tomorrow morning! I’ll prove it!” Rory asserted, biting his lip, “R-Money will prove his heart’s desire!”

“Moment ruined,” Benny teased fondly.

“Oh, do you prefer R-Dawg? Rorster? Ror-inator? R-Money? Batman? Ror–”

Benny pressed his thumb gently on his lips to quiet him.

“I just like Rory.”

By the time they left, the snow was sticking to the ground and the sun was peeking out. If they squinted, they could see Ethan cheering them on from his dorm window with two thumbs up. Damn seer abilities.

With Rory’s hand in his, cheeks red from more than just the cold, Benny took a moment to reconsider. Maybe he had liked the pumpkin pasties all along. He just hadn’t been able to appreciate their ambivalence– he hadn’t realized that if he had just let the flavors meld together, there didn’t need to be a schism.

He turned to Rory, giving him a chaste kiss on the forehead and running through the snow.

“Last one to the castle has to help Ethan get ready for his date tomorrow!”

#my babysitter's a vampire #mbav #rory keaner #benny weir #ethan morgan #submission

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transjoyblog · 3 years

Text

The 5 Most Powerful Lessons I Have Learned from Chasing Financial Independence

Photo by KANIKA PANT on Unsplash

I have always been interested in money. I have always understood the value of saving for something you want and the value in owning your own means of making more money. My mother always told me that working for someone else would never be stable and the only way to independence is owning your own business. This is not exactly true, but this advice did spur my interest in the concept of financial independence. I ran across this idea for the first time when I was maybe 17 years old. I read an article by the great Mr. Money Mustache and ended up doing a deep dive on his website. I was inspired. I thought that I had finally found the solution to the risk associated with owning a business. I was going to be financially independent.

Then I got a little older and had to start providing for myself and my girlfriend. We had a goal of moving out of our parents house, and the tiny little desert town where we grew up, to move to a much larger (read: more expensive) job market. That’s when I learned my first lesson:

Financial independence is simpler than it seems, but that doesn’t mean it’s easier.

If you spend any amount of time on a blog dedicated to the FIRE movement you are bound to come across an article (or 10) about the few simple habits that lead to financial independence. These articles are really informative, and a helpful place to start when building frugal habits, but this simplicity belies frugality’s true nature. Put simply, being frugal is hard. Really hard. My girlfriend and me have made some big sacrifices. When I wasn’t making any money, (think $500/month) we didn’t have many friends. We hung out at my girlfriend’s sister’s house a lot, and we ate really simply. Oatmeal for breakfast, rice and beans for lunch, and we went over to her parents house for dinner more often than we wanted to simply because we would otherwise go without dinner. Other factors contributed to this particularly extreme situation. My girlfriend was very sick, so she couldn’t eat well even if we could have afforded it, and she was so weak that maintaining friendships was basically impossible. We also weren’t perfect about it, even when I was making that little. I failed, messed up, got angry, frustrated, and worn out more often than I was successful, but that all served the larger goal of teaching me that simple habits do matter, but I couldn’t expect them to be easy to execute.

2. Know thyself

This particular period of our lives was also filled with navigating the consequences of our parents financial mistakes. My mother decided to take out huge student loans just to get my sister out of the house, and send her to a rather expensive university in the middle of the country. This proved to be a terrible decision. My sister ended up transferring to her local community college, for which she needed to take out more loans. All told, my sister came out with an AA and something in neighborhood of $60,000 of student debt between herself and the loans my mother took out on her behalf. I’m not sure how much of this my mother helped her with, but suffice it to say my mother was in a terrible financial position for awhile, one from which she has yet to fully emerge. This set of dubious decisions was motivated by more complex thinking than I have laid out here, but the end result is the same nonetheless. My mother stretched herself too thin.

If you are truly pursuing financial independence, you have to have a really clear picture of your finances, but you also have to understand how you react to financial pressure, how much risk you are able to take with your investments, and you have understand what your target is. If you are the kind of person who just throws money at a problem until it goes away, you will find it difficult to save for any kind of future. You have know that you have this tendency and consciously make decisions against this knee jerk reaction. If you don’t like having your back against the wall when creditors come calling, pay off your credit card balance in full every month, and never take out a loan that you expect someone else to help pay for (because there will inevitably come a time when they can’t pay). If you are just aiming to get your kid through college, then look for the most affordable option. Don’t send them to the 4 year right away if you really can’t afford the loans for all four years. An important tip for all you parents out there, know yourself and know your children. Be brutally honest in assessing your child’s ability to perform at university because it is simply impossible for them to be. People simply do not have a clear enough picture of their own abilities at any age, let alone an untested 18 year old. If my mother had done nothing else but this, she could have avoided everything. If she and my sister had just been honest about what my sister could handle, they would have realized that sending her to an expensive, extremely difficult program 1,000 miles from home was maybe not the best idea. She could have even gone to the community college in a better location. That alone would have saved them tens of thousands of dollars. My theory is that my mother was a little blinded by her own history, and she didn’t want to deny her child the same opportunity that her parents gave her. My mother left home at 17 years old for a very expensive (at the time), extremely difficult program at a private university 1,000 miles from her childhood home. This is where their stories diverge. My mother’s university was not nearly as expensive as my sister’s. My mother is also a very different person than my sister. She was the kind of kid who kept track of her own grades from 4th or 5th grade on, and encouraged her children to do the same. She did this because she, in her words, “wanted every single point [she] deserved”. Unsurprisingly, neither my sister nor myself actually did this. Ever. Not even in college. We are just different people. And if my mother had been able to admit this fact, she could have saved everyone a lot of headache.

3. FI is a huge goal, and it may seem impossible when viewed from the start

Most people understand that being the first person of your family to graduate from college is a huge moment for a lot of people, and rightfully so. College can be incredibly difficult especially if you are the first person in your family to attend to completion. The one thing that people like myself, whose family has had 3 generations of college grads, don’t even think to consider is that families that do not have this privilege may not have the full picture of what it takes to finish college. The first person to graduate will not only be doing it alone, but they will have to balance the pull of a family that may not understand or respect how much time, money, and effort you actually have to invest to achieve graduation. The same basic issue arises when you are pursuing financial independence. Your family may not even understand what you mean, or why it matters so much to you. You will have to be prepared for this possibility, no matter what goal you are striving toward. However, just like being the first person to graduate college in your family, being the first person to achieve financial independence is a huge accomplishment.

This something that I thought I knew. I was aware of how large an undertaking this would be before beginning my pursuit, but I call it a lesson because I didn’t truly know how this reality felt until I was in the middle of it. As I get older, and my personal finances are no longer purely theoretical, I have come to understand just how difficult FI is. The pandemic brought this into sharp relief. I lost my job at a bakery, went on unemployment, and moved back in with my girlfriend’s parents while still paying rent in San Diego. I got a job a few months later, and it was a good one. I thought I was set for awhile. I thought we had our FI strategy in view; I was wrong. The company couldn’t afford me anymore and let me go after just under 3 months. All of sudden, we were living off of our small savings. We burned through them because unemployment took about 2 months to get my payment to me. I ended up taking a minimum wage job at a factory. I hated it. We were back to being broke and making minimum wage, this time with less savings, more overhead costs, and no way to know if I would be able to find a better job any time soon. Financial independence never looked further away. This experience did however, serve as a great way to really drive home the fourth lesson:

4. Odds are, it will take a lot longer than you originally hoped, and when you are just starting out you will face major setbacks especially if you are in a lower income bracket

Dealing with setbacks in an effective and resilient manner is something you should anticipate and prepare for, regardless of when you start your journey towards independence. Basically anyone with any level of financial savvy will give you this sage piece of advice. It was losing my job twice in one year, however, that taught me that frugal habits are great tools, and they will help you get out of and avoid a lot of pain and suffering. But that doesn’t mean that these habits are a magic shield that will save you from any downside. Setbacks are hard on you. They can mess with your mind, and cause you to doubt everything you thought about your progress up to that point. When I get into this state of mind, I have found that it helps to remind yourself that progress is not a linear equation. Progress is a lot more like the Japanese proverb “Fall seven, rise eight.” You have to be prepared to have that kind of grit.

5. It is a lot harder to save money, when you don’t make money

There has been a lot of ink spilled, both physical and digital, on exploring the different aspects of the phrase “Money doesn’t buy happiness.” One of my favorite studies to cite on this issue is a study out of Purdue University that explored the concept of “income satiation” around the world. Meaning, how emotionally and physically “satisfied” people report being in relation to their annual income. This is a quote pulled directly from the abstract of the study. “Globally, we find that satiation occurs at $95,000 for life evaluation and $60,000 to $75,000 for emotional well-being.” This statistic has been quoted, analyzed, and touted by many a finance journalist as proof that money doesn’t buy happiness. However, I would be very happy making $60,000 to $75,000. With our current expenses my girlfriend and me could save for financial independence within a decade or so of making that much money. This would include reaching all of our goals of buying a house, and land, and finishing college. But a lot of people simply will never have a salary this high. They may have a total household income in this range, but living in a 2 income household is, in itself, a privilege. Once I realized that I could feasibly never make that much in a salaried position without a college degree, I had to expand my FI strategy beyond just “get a decent job, save as much as possible, invest a ton of money, and wait.” I have to invest in my education. I have to invest as early as possible in the stock market. I have to build something outside of a regular job that could possibly act as a hedge against job market instability. I have to make “earn more money” a huge priority. I never thought that was a worthwhile pursuit but it really is. Making money opens up so many opportunities, if you know what to do with it. Which is why it would be good for higher income earners, and people that have already achieved FI to remember that making money is difficult. Investing time, energy, money, and effort into growing something that may not even pay off is simply not possible for a lot of people, and it would serve anyone well to remember this throughout their journey to financial independence.

Citations:

Jebb, A.T., Tay, L., Diener, E. et al. Happiness, income satiation and turning points around the world. Nat Hum Behav 2, 33–38 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-017-0277-0

#finance #financial independence #entrepreneur

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rosethornewrites · 4 years

Text

Fic: this body yet survives, ch. 3

Relationship: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén, Lán Qǐrén, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín, Jiāng Yànlí

Additional Tags: No War AU, Recovery, Trauma, Dissociation, Courtship, Courting Rituals

Summary: Lan Wangji and Wei Ying go to Caiyi, but have an unexpected encounter.

Notes: See end

Parts 1 & 2

Chapter 1 | 2

AO3 link

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Wangji soaked in Wei Ying’s good cheer, how he flitted around the mountain path on the way to Caiyi to examine anything that caught his eye. He had to discourage him from capturing another rabbit for the herd in Cloud Recesses; after all, they would have to go back if he was successful, and they had not yet reached their destination.

“On the way home, then,” Wei Ying said, his grin as wide as those during his days as a student, and Wangji’s heart clenched in joy to see it.

Caiyi was bustling, the fishermen hawking the morning catch, and Wei Ying held back a little at the chaos of it, staying closer to Wangji, reminding him that he was still fragile, still easily overwhelmed. This was the first trip to town since he had truly started to heal, after all.

Wangji had a mental map of the town and the places he wished to take him, purchases he wished to make; a gaun, scented oil for his hair, spicy foods—whatever Wei Ying wanted, he would have—and the personal additions to the betrothal gifts he would present to the Jiang siblings.

As hesitant as he seemed to enter the crowd, Wei Ying was also fascinated by the fish hawking, curious about the tubs of live catch. He stopped to watch a turtle for a bit, fascinated by the markings on the top of its neck that resembled eyes. It was a colorful specimen, with a dark brown shell and distinctive markings.

“Do you want it?” Wangji asked softly.

Wei Ying smiled at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Where would I put it? The Cold Spring? Your uncle would kick me out.”

Wangji frowned, troubled that Wei Ying still thought, even jokingly, he would be discarded so easily, that his place was so tenuous. He had to remind himself that shufu and xiongzhang would clarify that today, that he would soon realize the Cloud Recesses was his home.

“There is a small pond outside the jingshi,” he offered.

“‘Pets are forbidden,’ Lan Zhan. You don’t need more creatures to take care of.”

He wondered if they were speaking of the turtle anymore.

“Not a pet,” Wangji clarified. “It is a wild thing, and could live to old age there, protected.”

As he hoped Wei Ying himself would in the jingshi with him—not as a caged creature, but as his beloved, loved as he deserved.

Wei Ying was quiet for a moment, watching the turtle, but finally nodded.

“Let’s rescue it, then,” he murmured, his voice rough. “So it won’t end up someone’s dinner tonight.”

Turtles, after all, were symbols of longevity, power, and tenacity. In some ways, they represented what Wei Ying had endured and survived. He had endured so much, had defeated the water he had been left in to die. Turtles were seen as powerful bringers of luck and serenity, both things Wei Ying could use. Perhaps this encounter, their purchase of it, was auspicious.

He stayed close as Wangji purchased it and smiled more sincerely when he handed him a covered basket with the turtle secured inside.

“We will release it in the pond when we return home,” he told him softly, mentally adding the bookseller to his list of places to go so they could find a book on turtles.

They wandered toward the market, Wei Ying moving carefully so as not to jostle the turtle. The bookseller was first, and they perused the shelves together, quickly finding a suitable book.

Wangji noticed Wei Ying’s eyes lingering on a book of poetry and pulled it from the shelf, curious. It was a collection of the poems of Ruan Ji and Ji Kang, two notable sages in a time of turbulent wars, and rumored lovers. He could see the blush on Wei Ying’s face, and felt his own ears heat as he recalled that one of the two had written homoerotic poetry; he wondered if this volume contained them.

He bought both books, slipping them in his qiankun pouch. They could read them together.

At the stall with scented oils for hair, Wei Ying seemed lost at the number of options, and looked to Wangji for help.

“You can try smaller amounts of different ones until you find one you like,” Wangji said softly, “but this might fit you.”

He had the vendor mix a small sample of orange and cinnamon for Wei Ying to smell and was pleased to see the scents seemed to relax him. Wangji was happy to purchase it.

Wei Ying, he knew, often let his hair go, not taking care of it. He would take charge of it personally, he decided, perhaps enlisting Jiang Yanli’s help while they were courting, when it would be a bit inappropriate for him to do so.

Wangji noticed a stall of colorful candies and stopped to buy Wei Ying tanghulu. This seller, he knew, removed the hawthorn seeds and replaced them with red bean paste before glazing them with sugar.

He took a bite when Wei Ying offered, enjoying the sweet and tart mixtures, the crunch followed by the meatiness of the hawthorn and the soft cream of the bean paste. Wei Ying happily munched on the rest on the way to the next stall.

Before they reach it, Wei Ying froze, the mostly-eaten tanghulu falling from his fingers to the ground. Wangji followed his gaze and found Jin Zixuan at a nearby stall, along with Madam Jin—who, he recalled, was the sworn sister of Madam Yu.

Wangji could hear Wei Ying’s breath, how it had started to speed up, and recognized he was in the beginning of a panic attack. He turned to face him, moving Wei Ying so he could still see her in his peripheral vision—he already knew she was there, and could panic worse if he couldn’t see her, but he tried to encourage him to focus on him.

“I am here,” Wangji told him. “You are not alone.”

Wei Ying managed a nod, taking deep breaths and pressing one thumb to the opposite palm, something the mind healers had taught him to help him find calm.

Jin Zixuan approached, Madam Jin hanging back. He bowed and Wangji bowed back, noting that Wei Ying did the same, shaking slightly.

“Lan-er-gongzi, Wei-gongzi, we intended to visit Cloud Recesses. I didn’t realize you would be in Caiyi.”

He sounded apologetic, and Wangji knew he could see Wei Ying struggling.

“Wei-gongzi, my mother has come to speak with you.”

A panicked noise, so soft Wangji was sure only he heard it, escaped Wei Ying, his breath stuttering again. His knuckles were white, his hand clenched around the basket handle.

Madam Jin was looking at Wei Ying with an expression that bordered on pity, he realized.

“I apologize for your ill treatment at the hands of my former sworn sister, Wei Wuxian,” she said bluntly, bowing low to him. “And for the discomfort my presence has brought you.”

Confusion washed over Wei Ying’s face at her words, but he also seemed to focus, coming out of his panic.

“Former?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

Madam Jin nodded.

“I could not continue being her sworn sister after what she did to you, her own ward. It was inexcusable.”

Wei Ying looked lost, almost dizzy, and Wangji placed a hand on his upper arm in case he fell.

“Over something as small as talismans to change the color of the tea,” Jin Zixuan muttered.

Wangji felt Wei Ying tremble, the memory tied up in his near-death. He had stuck talismans to the undersides of each sect leader’s teapot, and the tea had come out in the sect’s main color—Jiang Fengmian’s, violet; Nie Mingjue’s, deep green; xiongzhang’s, a pale blue; Wen Ruohan’s, crimson; Jin Guangshan’s, golden. Even minor sect leaders’ teapots had transformed the color of their tea.

The talismans had changed nothing else about the tea, neither flavor nor quality, and had been well-received by the sect leaders when Wei Ying had explained the tea was safe.

“Just an extra treat for the discussion conference,” he had said with a respectful bow and a cheeky smile.

Madam Yu had ordered him out, stalking after him, and it had been the last time anyone had seen Wei Ying until Jiang Yanli found him so close to death.

“I revealed lax security, she said,” Wei Ying murmured, his voice hollow.

He was shaking more obviously now, and Wangji moved closer as he swayed. They had never spoken of the incident, and he had no idea how Wei Ying might react.

“That’s ridiculous!” Jin Zixuan muttered, the anger in his voice surprising. “Of course you had access as head disciple.”

His comment seemed to jolt Wei Ying out of what Wangji had feared might be the beginning of a fugue, and he started at the Jin heir blankly, like he hadn’t expected a defense from him.

Wangji approved of his anger, befitting one who would be Wei Ying’s brother in law. Madam Yu’s actions had clearly led to a change in Jin Zixuan for the better. He could remember, vaguely, the young man trying to comfort Jiang Yanli as she sobbed, telling her that her brother was strong, he would be okay. Wangji had been far more focused on Wei Ying, leaving him only to help the Jiang siblings pack his belongings and expedite their departure, and only in the care of xiongzhang.

“We are bringing up bad memories,” Madam Jin realized, her voice regretful. “I actually wish to commission you for your talisman work, Wei Wuxian.”

Wei Ying swallowed hard, clearly making an effort to stay present mentally.

“What kind of talisman, Jin-furen?”

She offered him a gentle smile.

“I’d prefer not to discuss it in the street. Let me treat you to lunch, and we can get a private room and chat. With Lan Wangji and my son present, of course.”

Wangji realized she was trying to assure Wei Ying she did not wish him ill, would not seek to harm him, and perhaps was letting him know as well.

Wei Ying gave a jerky nod, glancing at him as though for reassurance. He decided to lead the way to the restaurant he had intended to take him to for lunch, a place known for spicy fare but with dishes that suited his own palate. It happened to have private dining rooms, which Wangji had intended for them anyway, so Wei Ying would have a break from people.

The move put the Jins behind them, he realized when Wei Ying clung to his arm, but the walk was blessedly short. Madam Jin was kind enough to lead the way up the stairs, clearly recognizing Wei Ying’s distress. He was thankful that she also allowed Wei Ying to decide where in the smaller room to sit, deferring to him in a way that most people of her station would not.

Though her kindness was not unselfish—she did, after all, want something—he appreciated it nonetheless. He led Wei Ying to a seat around the table, where he could see the door, a window nearby to facilitate escape if needed, both things that might make him feel more secure.

Wangji worried Wei Ying might eat little, a behavior that manifested when he was stressed, but he could do nothing to alleviate that.

“May we speak before we eat?” Madam Jin asked after settling across from them with her son. “If you decide against taking the commission, I will still purchase lunch. It is the least I can do given your willingness to speak with me.”

Wei Ying nodded again, grasping Wangji’s hand under the table. Wangji squeezed gently, trying to reassure him.

“As you may be aware, my husband has… dallied,” she began.

Jin Zixuan’s face turned a bit sour at this, and Wangji was reminded of Wei Ying’s question to him when he asked for permission to court Jiang Yanli.

“Given… recent events, I have decided it would be prudent to find the children resulting from his indiscretions.”

Wei Ying’s gaze sharpened a bit.

“For what purpose?” he asked softly.

Wangji squeezed his hand again, knowing his thoughts; Wei Ying would not wish to create anything that could result in deaths.

Madam Jin smiled, as though the question pleased her.

“To protect them. I will not legitimize them, but I want them and their mothers, who were perhaps lied to or coerced, or whose freedom needs to be bought from brothels, to be safe and cared for. The children should have the opportunity to learn to cultivate and have a relationship with my son as their half-brother, along with their other half-siblings.”

She sighed softly.

“All involved are innocents, and I could stay bitter as I once was and wish them ill, but after… what was done to you, I don’t wish to be that person. The world could mistake that behavior as acceptable, as there have been few consequences. I want to offer an alternative.”

Wei Ying seemed to need to take several breaths, his hand tightening on Wangji’s for a moment, before he could nod. Wangji could see a suspicious sheen to his eyes, and realized Wei Ying was overcome by Madam Jin’s desire to make right somehow, to force something positive to result from what was done to him.

“One to find, and one to also test those who step forth with claims?” Wei Ying asked after he had calmed.

Madam Jin let out a breath, looking relieved, almost as though she had been concerned Wei Ying would not be up to the task, perhaps still too traumatized.

Not long ago, he would have been, Wangji had to admit. But he was getting better, and he had never stopped inventing new talismans.

“Yes, that would also be useful,” she said. “Thank you.”

“There would likely be a limit on distance,” Wei Ying told her. “But I’d have to experiment with options and prototypes.”

Madam Jin set a large bag of gold in front of him, and Wei Ying’s eyes widened.

“This is a down payment. I understand it may take time, and there is no rush. I will reimburse you for any materials needed, if that becomes an issue.”

Wei Ying looked up at her, frowning slightly.

“I will need your husband’s blood,” he said. “Unless you want me to focus on the sibling aspect, and then I could use Jin Zixuan’s.”

Wangji realized this was Wei Ying’s way of asking if this was being done secretly, without Sect Leader Jin’s knowledge.

Madam Jin actually laughed softly.

“Oh, you are bright,” she said, her voice full of delighted praise. “My husband is still claiming innocence, and is not willing to take part in this project. My son has kindly offered to help instead.”

Wangji tried not to be concerned about the implications that this could be against Sect Leader Jin’s wishes. Wei Ying was under the protection of Gusu Lan now, and he would defend him personally if need be.

Jin Zixuan pulled out a pouch and slid it gently across the table.

“Several vials of my blood. I can provide more if needed.”

Wei Ying looked momentarily shocked at the implied level of trust—the amount of blood needed to harm someone via a curse or hex was miniscule, after all—and attempted a smile.

“I’ll try not to waste any.”

Jin Zixuan only nodded, and Wangji took the bag to slip into his qiankun pouch. Wei Ying handed him the pouch of money without looking at him, the exchange made less simple by the fact that Wei Ying didn’t let go of his hand under the table. Though his grip wasn’t tight, Wangji refused to break it, refused to let go when he needed him.

Madam Jin slid the door open to let the servers know they were ready for tea.

Wei Ying’s gaze had gone a bit glassy, though his eyes were moving as he thought, perhaps distracted by ideas for the talisman. Wangji resolved to ensure Wei Ying ordered and ate plenty, knowing he might need prompting. He knew they would return to Cloud Recesses following this, without a replacement for Wei Ying’s broken guan, and without additional gifts for the Jiang siblings. Wei Ying would need time to rest before meeting with shufu and xiongzhang, particularly after the strain he had just endured.

They would release the turtle in front of the jingshi together, and Wangji would play the guqin for him while he rested. Then, following the meeting, wherein Wei Ying’s status would be clarified, Wangji would seek permission from his siblings to court him.

He ran his thumb across the back of Wei Ying’s hand, and was relieved when the act was returned, when the glassiness left his eyes and he looked at him with a tired-looking smile.

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I didn’t really expect the turtle thing, but it happened kind of organically as I was bringing Caiyi to life. Wei Ying is going to name it Tang 汤, meaning ‘soup,’ because of course he is. This particular turtle is a species native to mountainous regions of southern China, the four-eyed turtle. And now I need to do more research on turtles because of course I do.

In addition to Wei Ying’s recovery, this fic is also in part about the cultivation world’s reaction to what Yu Ziyuan did, in that there are some consequences. Hence Madam Jin dissolving their sworn sisterhood and commissioning Wei Ying. Her decision to take in and ensure Jin Guangshan’s bastards and mistresses are cared for is partially out of spite for what her former sworn sister did, but is also the result of some soul-searching on her part. This is not Madam Jin assuming that Wei Ying is Jiang Fengmian’s secret bastard son, btw.

As I’ve noted in other MDZS fics I’m writing, I like to explore how a point of change can cascade to change other things, so I am back on my bullshit. Also, I think this makes the third fic where I’ve referenced Ruan Ji and Ji Kang. I just bought a book of their translated poetry that’s supposed to be delivered next week.

#my fanfiction #the untamed #untamed fanfiction #mo dao zu shi #untamed fanfic #mdzs #mdzs fanfic #mdzs fanfiction #chen qing ling #CQL #cql fanfic #cql fanfiction #wei ying #wei wuxian #lan zhan #lan wangji #jin zixuan #madam jin

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ladyideal · 4 years

Text

Only You 2/2

Pairing: leonard mccoy x reader

Word Count: 2861

Warning: Angst, but fluff at the end, couple swear words

Summary: You fend off an attack from the Romulans after reaching the ship. Two weeks later you found the time to cry to Nyota and Chris, then Jim later on. Jim being Jim, went to speak with Bones to see what was really going on. He later convinces Leonard to talk with you over some bourbon. With what’s left of his bravery, Leonard seeks you out at the bar, admits that he was wrong, and that he would very much like to have a chance with you. You accepted his apology with a kiss.

A/n: So hooray, I wrote this up in quite a short time. It’s looked over, but any typos you see are of my own. This is the end of the 2 parter, might make it a three if I get any interest. However to those that celebrate, Happy Valentine’s Day. To those that don’t, have a wonderful weekend and remember chocolates are on sale the day after Valentine’s. Lyrics are the second half of the first verse of The Fields of Gold by Sting.

(gif credit to owner)

Part 1 is here

It had been about two weeks since that gala, and two weeks since you last spoke, or even seen leonard around the ship. Unusual not having him around, but you and Leonard avoided each other as much as possible. You only went down for lunch, while he only went to the mess hall for dinner, ensuring that you and him never saw each other, unless it was required to do so.

For both you, the doctor, and pretty much everyone on board, the last two weeks were crazy. Halfway through the first week, the ship was intercepted by Romulans, forcing you to put on a constant yellow alert.

As the tension rose between the Romulan captain and yourself, all talks came crashing down when the Romulans attacked first. Oh no, you didn’t have the time to think over your heartbreak. The crew didn’t need Y/N the lover at the moment, they needed Captain Y/N. Switching immediately to red alert, you pushed away your emotions and your tears, for the safety of the crew.

That was how the rest of the weeks were like. It was only near the end of the two weeks when the Romulans left in a fury, when you finally relaxed the red alert and the klaxons finally stopped blaring for once.

Thankfully, there wasn't much damage to the ship itself. A couple of scratches and dents here and there, but nothing you couldn’t fix at the next Federation outpost. You’d briefed Command immediately, going over detailed events that’d transpired like a dutiful Captain would.

It was only then that you had the chance to relax again, and figure out how to salvage what’s left of your friendship with Leonard. You spent a night with Nyota and Christine, crying your eyes out and telling the entire story from top to finish. Both sympathized with you, while the latter promising to make the doctor’s life a lot harder for breaking your heart.

While you appreciated the efforts, you told her not to, stating that you were still interested in keeping a friendship with Leonard.

“It’s going to take time, Y/N,” Nyota mentioned, finishing her glass of alcohol.

“We’ve been avoiding each other as much as possible,” You mumbled into your empty glass.

“We know,” Your two best friends replied in unison.

“And of course the Romulans didn’t quite help it either.”

The two promised that they would be with you, no matter what. You thanked them profusely for their support. However, even Jim had tried needling the story out of you the day after you and Leonard returned back from the gala.

You shook him off a few times, saying that everything was okay and you and Leonard needed some time away from the other. Jim has called bullshit, and said that something must have happened in order for his two best friends to not even look at each other.

It took a few days after the Romulans’ attacks, a lot of convincing and bribery, and five glasses of tequila for you to spill the beans again.

“At the end, he told me that he enjoyed spending the last couple hours of in his arms. For a moment, he could indulge in his dream of having me, of I think possibly dating me, and just enjoying the time with me,” You hiccuped, knowing that you were way beyond buzzed at this point.

“He told you all of this and then apologized and then left?” Jim sat in the booth across from you, deciding that you had enough alcohol for the night.

“There’s not much I could have said. He told me that he was too old for him, that he has Joanna, and that nobody would want, and I quote, a bitter soul like me,” You continued as though you didn’t hear a single word that Jim said. “It’s all excuses, I know that.”

“But it still hurts,” Jim finished your sentence for you, pushing the glass of water into your hands.

You nodded, shakily gulping your water down. “I don’t know what to do, Jim. It’s going to be weird to be friends again with him. I’ve crossed that line of friendship, and I’m not sure if we’ll be able to be friends again.”

“Do you want to?” Jim held your watery gaze.

“Want to what?” You frowned, observing how his baby blue eyes softened throughout the night.

“Want Bones to just be your friend or would you rather have something more?” he emphasized.

“I-Jim-I well, he already said no,” You shook your head. “If I had it my way, yes, I want to date him. I don’t care that he’s seven years my senior, that he has a daughter who’s already turning thirteen this year, that he’s divorced, or that he’s even a damn talented doctor. Everything makes him who he is today.”

You cleared your throat. “And I might sound selfish but he’s the person that never fails to make me happy when I’m around him.”

Jim nodded sagely a few times. “I understand. It’ll all turn out the way it should.”

You thanked him for his support during the hard times, appreciating that he still had a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to. However, Jim had other plans. There was no way in hell would he let his two closest friends split. If there anything Jim could do, was to get to the bottom of things, and figure out a plan.

Listening to your story, all he had to do was to speak with Bones.

“Bones! There you are,” Jim strode into the CMO’s office without a knock.

“What do you want, Jim? I’m a little busy at the moment,” Leonard scowled up at his best friend.

“I brought some of the good stuff with me. Want to share?” Jim continued, as though the doctor’s unamusement didn’t do anything to affect his mood. He held up a bottle of bourbon.

“Since you’re already here,” Leonard pulled away from his desk, and opened his lowest level drawer for some glasses.

Popping the bottle open, Jim generously poured each cup with a healthy slug of the cool amber liquid.

“The Romulans sure weren’t happy with us,” Jim snorted after a moment of enjoying the alcohol.

“They did send a number of injured crew down,” The doctor spoke.

“It was to be expected,” The blonde continued, pouring himself another glass when he was done.

“Jim,” The doctor hesitated. “I’m turned in my resignation letter to the Captain. I think I’m done here.”

His best friend choked on his alcohol, completely taken back by the words. “You want to do what?” He sputtered out, feeling the burn go down the wrong pipe.

“After what happened with Y/N two weeks ago, I just can’t do this anymore, Jim,” Leonard continued, sparing a glance at the other.

“And what exactly happened? Y/N was all excited having you go down to the Gala together like an actual date,” Kirk asked.

“Nothing. We had fun. We danced together.” He paused, weighing his words. “I got to have her in my arms just for those short couple hours. Then she confessed saying that she liked me, and I just couldn’t.”

“Bones.”

“Jim, I know what you’re going to say, so don’t even start,” Leonard poured himself another generous amount.

“Bones, you don’t even know what I was going to say,” Jim frowned. “But what’s stopping you? You clearly like the girl back, and hell, I’ve seen the two of you together. She comes into the room, and you brighten up. You can’t deny those feelings, Bones.”

“Yes I can!” The doctor abruptly stood up, surprising the blonde once more. “You know this, Jim. My divorce with Joce is the reason why I’m out here in the middle of nowhere with you. I can’t do this whole dating thing again, not after what Jocelyn has done. I’m nothing but a bitter broken soul, Jim. I can’t let that happen again.”

“Do you truly believe that will happen with Y/N?” Jim pressed.

There was silence from the other end of the room.

“You know as well as I do that Y/N is a forever kind of person,” The blonde continued. “Not the one night kind.”

“Jim, I-.”

“Bones, what’s really stopping you from dating Y/N? All the reasons you’ve given me up to this point are just bullshit excuses. You know better.”

The doctor stopped his pacing, and plopped back down on his couch, placing his head in his hands.

“You know what I’m afraid of,” The brunette finally spoke up after a long period of silence.

“I don’t,” Jim answered, earning himself a glare.

“I’m afraid of messing it all up, of disappointing myself and Y/N just because of the prospect of a better what if, of not getting it right, of forgetting dates, of breaking promises, of it ending up in divorce again like what Joce did,” Leonard spoke, a voice barely above a whisper. “I wouldn’t know what to do if it all happens again. It’s just all going to be lovey dovey again. When the bad time starts, I work, Y/N works, and we don’t spend time together. We fight, and then end up breaking up.”

All reasonable and just statements, Jim agreed. Yet, he never knew his best friend to be a quitter, not after all he’d endured.

“So you’re just going to live with your decision now, understanding full well that you’ll end up regretting not trying, not giving you and Y/N a chance that you deserve. Y/N could be the one that you’d never thought you wanted,” The blonde said. “Bones, are you really going to let an opportunity like that just pass by?”

The doctor said nothing, so Jim continued. “I see how you look at her when others check Y/N out. I know what you’re going through when someone else tries to get a date with Y/N. I know that you’re in love, Bones, but love is always risky. You are vulnerable to them, and they are vulnerable to you, because it’s based on trust.”

“The question is are you giving up on yourself when there is a second chance of love just staring right in front of you?”

Leonard groaned, placing his empty glass aside. “What am I supposed to do, Jim? I’ve messed it all up. Y/N must hate me now.”

“Y/N doesn’t hate you. There’s not an ounce of hate there,” Jim smiled inwardly, congratulating himself. “Go, Y/N is probably still down at the bar at this hour, been a regular nowadays.”

Another pause before the doctor stood up. “Alright, I’ll go have a talk.” He stopped at the door. “And don't touch anything.”

“You can thank me by naming your firstborn after me!” Jim called out before the doors shut.

Job well done.

Quickly downing the last of his glass, he placed both glasses in the sink, and swiftly followed after his best friend.

Leonard hurried down to the bar, desperately hoping that you were still there. It was approaching midnight, and he wasn’t sure if you were still awake. Scanning the bar, he noticed Nyota and Chris huddled together.

He strode over, and within minutes, he’d gained the attention of both ladies, who raised their eyebrows at him. You sat opposite from them, your back to Leonard, so you didn’t immediately notice his presence.

“Y/N, Nyota, Chris,” He greeted quietly.

You turned around, a little surprised to see the good doctor there.

Oh, Leonard,” You responded, as the other two merely nodded to his greeting. Leonard had noticed the slight tremble of your lower lip.

“Y/N, I was wondering if we could have a talk,” He looked around. “Maybe at a more private place.”

You glanced back at the two others in response. Nyota gave you a shrug, while Chris shook her head no. Well. You didn’t have much else to lose, so you agreed.

“Um, how about the officer’s lounge? No one’s there at this hour,” You suggested, getting to your feet. Chris merely looked at you as though you’d gone crazy, but you shrugged in return.

“I’ll pick the tab up tonight, Y/N,” Nyota called.

“Thanks!”

You tossed and turned over what Leonard could possibly want to speak with you about. Did he want to be friends? Did he not want to be friends? Did he want to resign? No, he would’ve told you that in front of Nyota and Chris, so it couldn’t be that. Thankfully the lounge wasn’t far.

“A drink, Leonard?” You offered when you and Leonard arrived.

“No thank you. I’ve had my share of liquid courage already,” He answered.

“Oookay,” You turned back to filling up two glasses of water for you and him. “So what do you want to talk about?”

Leonard turning down alcohol hardly ever happened. Whatever it was that he needed to speak his mind, must be important for him.

“Y/N, I”ve realized that I made a fool out of myself, that I didn’t know what I was seeing right in my face,” He started, watching you still at the topic on hand. “I know that I’ve made a mess of things between us, but understand that it wasn’t my intention to do so.”

He paused, but seeing you had nothing to say, he plowed on.

“When I held you in my arms that night, it was my greatest joy to call you mine even if it was for just a few hours. I know you wanted more, and I did too. But I was scared, afraid that I would let you down and disappoint you, me, us. That night in front of your quarters, I wanted to kiss you right then and there, But I let my past cloud my judgement and I ran. I ran because that’s what I did after Jocelyn took everything I had dear to me, to be up here in this unforgiving void. I thought that this was it, that there was nothing left for me but space and Jim. You, however, changed my mind. You brighten up my day each time I see you, make things better than I’d ever imagined. And I know I made a mistake, that I broke your heart running off like that. I swear to you, each and every day, that I’ll find a way to make it up to you.”

You stared at him, your glass of water forgotten on the countertop.

“A-are you sure you don’t want a drink?” You stuttered out, unsure of what to say.

“Darlin’, I got my water, but no thank you.”

You strode closer to him, as you tried to gather your thoughts. There was still hurt in your eyes, something that Leonard could obviously tell, but you flickered your gaze hopefully up at him. “You promise?”

“I promise,” He echoed, eyes flickering down from your eyes to your lips.

You were quicker than he was, as you pulled him down for your first, desperate kiss with him. His lips happily crashed against yours, obliging you with the kiss that you and him both needed. Jim leaned against the entrance of the lounge, grinning at the sight of his two best friends together once more. Without a sound, he left you and Leonard be. As the night came to an end, you and Leonard parted ways to your respective quarters with the promise of more.

Laying in bed, you stared up at the ceiling with a giddy grin across your face. It’d been a hard three weeks apart, but it was necessary. With that, you started your usual morning routine. Reaching the Bridge, you promised Nyota to clue her in at all that’d transpired before sitting down in your chair. Your PADD had been beeping at you throughout the night, but you’d thought nothing of it till now. Intrigued, you opened the screen up, only to find a resignation letter flashing at you.

“I’ll be back in ten,” You hurried down to the medbay in a panic.

“Leonard, a word?’ You huffed out, striding into his office without a warning.

“Good morning sweetheart, what brings you in so early?” Leonard looked up from his PADD, worry etched in his face.

“My PADD has been beeping all night and up till now, I didn’t check what it was,” You trailed off, hoping he’d understand what you were implying.

It took the doctor a minute to understand. “I, yes. I might have sent that letter in on an impulse last night before I got a chance to speak with you,” He looked slightly embarrassed.

“Sooo safe to say that I can delete it? I haven’t forwarded it to Command yet,” You peered up at him when he rounded the corner.

“Of course,” He framed the side of your head with his fingers, and kissed you.

“You are all I need.”

“So she took her love for to gaze awhile upon the fields of barley In his arms she fell as her hair came down among the fields of gold.”

@mournthewicked (If you want to be tagged in future Star Trek tags, please let me know)

#valentine's day #less angst #more fluff #leonard mccoy #leonard bones mccoy #bones mccoy #leonard mccoy x reader #bones x reader

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