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heliads · 4 months

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'homesick, but not for home' - kaz brekker

Based on this request: "y/n finally gets to visit their home country after years away in ketterdam with the crows. a sweet little slice of life with kaz finally getting to be kaz rietveld"

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merry christmas everyone! my present to you is kaz

Receiving a summons from Kaz Brekker usually means one of two things: either you are about to be murdered, or he is going to ask you to do something before he murders you. Usually, that task involves the distribution of funds from your ledgers to his. However, as one of the bare few who has the privilege of making it to his inner circle, you would wager that there’s a third possible outcome from hearing from him: he still wants you to do something, but you’ll be killing someone else.

Nonetheless, judging by the expression of the courier who tells you that Kaz is expecting you in his office, even being spared an imminent death doesn’t mean that this meeting will go pleasantly. Dirtyhands has a reputation around here, one just as dark and choking as those black gloves he so loves to wear. No one here knows Kaz as anything more than a shadow of a man, a killer, a convict. To learn that he wishes to speak to you is akin to hearing that Death itself is knocking on your door.

You, however, just smile and turn your feet towards the stairs leading to Kaz’s office instead. The Slat, home of the Dregs, is a rickety ramshackle of a building. Kaz has been doing his part to fix it up as he can, but the floorboards are still masterfully creaky and the oil lamps flicker ominously from their resting places beside each looming door. The stairwell is worst of all, a towering, beckoning talon that delivers you to your fate at the very top.

Sometimes, you swear Kaz put his office on the top floor just because it would give his victims more time to contemplate their quickly approaching demise when they had to climb all the way up. Other days, you just assume that he was sick of the noise and wanted to find a place where nobody would bother him unless absolutely necessary. Knowing Kaz, both rationales are probably sound.

You knock once on the door to his office and, upon hearing your name called to come in, twist the doorknob and let yourself inside. Gathered in a loose semicircle on the few available pieces of furniture as well as leaning against the wall are Inej, Jesper, Wylan, Matthias, and Nina. Kaz sits, as usual, ramrod straight in a chair behind his desk, and gestures for you to take the final open seat.

“Looks like everyone’s here,” you note. “Should I be worried about missing anything?”

“Not in the slightest,” Jesper chirps. “Only that Kaz has been saving that chair for you this whole time. He keeps glaring at us whenever we so much as look towards it.”

Jesper looks as if he’d like to gossip about this a little more, but Wylan digs a sharp elbow into his side, causing the other boy to complain heartily.

You just grin, sliding into your seat. “Good. I deserve luxury. I was never made to sit on the ground.”

Kaz coughs pointedly to disguise what you’re sure is a smile. “Now that we’re all in attendance, we can get started. I’ve heard news of a prospective business deal happening off the coast of the Southern Colonies. Expensive materials are being exchanged. Jewelry, artwork, the like. It’s all being conducted by Kerch merchers, but they took everything offshore to avoid the chance of getting caught. If we swoop in the night before and take all their bargaining tools, we’ll be richer and they’ll have to cave to our demands.”

“Of course, our demands,” Nina says, nodding. “What are we demanding, again?”

Inej smiles. “For them to stop breathing down our backs, for one thing. Also, they keep trying to cut into business. They needed this deal for an alliance between some of the wealthier merchers, but if each party thinks the other stole their riches before the swap, they’ll be so busy with infighting that they won’t bother us for some time.”

Kaz inclines his head gravely. “Precisely.”

Inej taps her fingers silently against her leg. “My question is when we’re going to stage the attack. We can attempt to hijack the ships before they leave the harbor, but I have no doubt that they’ll be crawling with stadwatch.”

“That’s why we’ll be sailing along with them,” Kaz clarifies. “The heist won’t happen until we’re on the shores of the Southern Colonies. That way, they’ll have let down their guard.”

Immediately, everyone reacts. Leaving the Barrel is an invitation for everything to go wrong. If rival gangs like the Dime Lions or the Razorgulls find out that Kaz’s inner circle isn’t in town, they’ll hasten to loot the place or kill your foot soldiers before anyone gets back.

“We have to leave the country?” Inej asks doubtfully. “That’s a tremendous risk.”

Kaz’s expression doesn’t shift a second, but you can still sense him tensing somehow, all too aware of the extra burden on his staff to maintain decorum and avoid attracting threats from his many enemies. “Think of it as a vacation. You’ll be able to get out of the city and go somewhere nice. Maybe even get some seaside air.”

Jesper snorts. “Kaz, your idea of a vacation is locking the door of your office and not running your numbers for five minutes. I didn’t think seaside air existed in your vocabulary except as a potential source of weakness.”

Kaz frowns. “Of course seaside air exists in my vocabulary. How else would I know to say it?”

Jesper rolls his eyes and looks as if he’d like to counter that with an equally terrible argument, but you cut him off. “I’d like to go,” you say suddenly.

All eyes turn to you. “Why?” Wylan asks.

A faint smile plays upon your lips. It’s easier to look at the ground than face all of their inquisitive stares, so you do just that. “I’m from the Southern Colonies. Used to be, at least. I’d always planned on going back at some point, but never got the chance until now.”

Truth be told, you were assuming that you would never get that chance. Your parents moved your whole family down to Ketterdam when you were about ten years old, drawn by the call of a quick profit. They were able to eke out a few tentative years, but the city swallowed them like it does everyone else. It’s just you now, you and the Crows and the dream that at one point, you might be able to revisit the place you once called home.

Even connecting ‘home’ and the Southern Colonies in the same sentence seems like something out of a dream. You’ve lived in Kerch for so long now that you can hardly imagine being anywhere else. The Crows are your family, the Barrel your home. It’s a strange life, certainly, but it’s yours.

Kaz’s face closes down. “I’ll go with you. Inej, you and the rest will maintain the Crow Club and its affiliates until we return. I don’t want to risk all of us on one endeavor.”

Matthias arches a brow. “You are willing to brave the risk of splitting up, though?”

Kaz turns a bemused expression his way. “Are you worried about me, drüskelle? And here I thought we’d never see eye to eye.”

Matthias snorts. “Don’t go that far, demjin.”

“I won’t if you won’t,” Kaz muses. “The plan is set, then. We’ll have three weeks to plan, and then Y/N and I will set off.”

He allows the rest of the Crows to leave, but gestures for you to stay. You pull your chair closer to his desk, sensing that the discussion will shift into more details of the mission at hand.

Once the last of your friends have gone, Kaz turns his gaze to you. His eyes seem to stare straight through your skull, and you get the strange feeling that he could read every thought created inside your mind if he just bothered to listen a little closer.

“You said you were born in the Southern Colonies. I need to be certain that there will be no distractions for a job like this. Can you swear to me that you’ll be focused?” He asks you.

“It won’t be an issue,” you assure him. “I’ll see the countryside and then move on. Honest.”

“Well, I should hope you won’t be completely honest,” Kaz murmurs, the corners of his lips pricking up into a slight shade of a smile. “We are still robbing people, of course.”

“Of course,” you laugh. His eyes jerk up when you do, his gaze hungry for the sight of it.

And– see, this is where you start to get into trouble. You are a criminal, a member of a gang. Every day is a fight. You know that survival is the thing that matters most in the Barrel, survival and how much money you can make off of delaying your last breath. You need to have single-minded focus totally centered around how you are going to make it through each day, but instead, your brain has started drifting to unreasonable topics like the precise shade of Kaz’s eyes or all the techniques he uses to hide his smiles.

It won’t serve you well, this feeling like a slow burn in your chest. Kaz would be the very first to tell you that weakness will only get you killed. People are a weakness. Is Kaz, though? Sometimes, in vague moments in between the times when reality comes firmly back to ground you, you can almost imagine that he might feel the same way. Would he really entertain this idea if he didn’t feel something for you? Would he leave the Barrel to go all the way to the Southern Colonies with you if he could easily send Jesper or someone else?

In the end, all you can ever do is push the thoughts from your mind. The scheming and planning period has got to be your least favorite part of a heist, but unfortunately, it’s also the segment that takes the longest. Every detail has to be perfect or all involved will be caught in the act.

Eventually, though, you find yourself shipping out on a fine sea morning, headed towards the country that hasn’t been yours since you were a child. You and Kaz are pretending to be business partners, which is true enough. His cabin is next to yours. You’re fairly sure he already knows the identity of every other traveler on the ship, just in case.

Standing on the deck and watching Ketterdam retreat into a nameless speck on the dark, vast ocean, you can’t help but wonder what the Southern Colonies will bring your way. Your heart is surprisingly light in your chest at the thought of it. You have dim recollections of the rolling hills and drifting tides, although even these memories have grown hazy with time. You can’t wait to see it again.

By contrast, Kaz, standing by your side, seems far less thrilled about the whole idea. His black gloves are clenched tightly around the railing, his grip hardening whenever the ship tilts too much. You glance around to make sure no other travelers are within earshot, then ask him with a questioning glance, “Why would you make this trip if you don’t like the ocean?”

Kaz shoots you a wary look. “I’m perfectly fine with it.”

You scoff. “Nonsense. You look as if you’d like nothing more than to drain the entire True Sea and simply walk to the Southern Colonies on foot. You could have sent Inej or Jesper in your place, you know. Why’d you want to go?”

“I have to make sure the job goes smoothly,” Kaz informs you. “Business is best handled by myself.”

You arch a brow. “Lovely. Good to know that you’ll never let something pesky like sea travel stand between you and your ambitions.”

Kaz snorts. “I should hope you’d already know that. And to answer your unspoken question, you’re here too because it’s foolish to take international jobs without someone at your back just in case of trouble. I trust you to not let homesickness for the Southern Colonies get in the way. I would advise you to stick to that.”

You smile. “Goodness, Kaz, you trust me? No wonder you didn’t want anyone else with us, if the rest knew you were shelling out compliments this easily they would have teased you for years.”

In the corners of your peripheral vision, you swear you can see a matching smile slide onto Kaz’s lips, but it’s gone the second you turn to look at him. “Precisely my thinking.”

The journey takes shorter than expected, or maybe that’s just your restless thinking. In no time at all, your ship is docking at a port of the Southern Colonies, and you’re turning in a slow circle on the coast, taking in every single sight you can.

“Careful,” Kaz tells you, “You don’t want to come across as too strong of a pigeon. We don’t want to attract any new friends who anticipate stealing something off of us.”

He’s smiling, though, and you swear there’s something a little lighter in his expression than you usually see. Maybe it really is the sea air getting to him, or maybe the fact that he’s out of Ketterdam’s grimy clutches lets Kaz relax even a fraction.

Regardless, you’re happy for it. “Ridiculous,” you say, laughing slightly. “Not all the world is like the Barrel, you know. We don’t do that sort of thing in the Southern Colonies.”

“We?” Kaz asks doubtfully. “Three steps you’ve taken off the ship and you’re already a proper citizen again, are you?”

You just grin. “What, are you jealous? Scared I’ll leave the Barrel?”

He doesn’t answer, but quickly changes the topic towards finding accommodations for the night and planning out an intelligence trip near the location where the jewels are being held. Even walking through the portside town and crossing the streets feels like magic, in a way. You lived not far from here, and everything from the curve of the avenues to the bright sun in the sky feels like coming home.

As it turns out, you and Kaz aren’t the only ones affected by the easy way of life in the Colonies. The two merchers you’ve been tracking are discussing business in broad daylight, obviously not anticipating anyone to have followed them. The job will be easy, and the few days you gave yourselves for extra planning are largely useless since no more details are relevant.

Instead, you take it upon yourself to explore the surrounding countryside. You tell Kaz that he doesn’t have to accompany you every time, of course, he can stay back in the portside town if he pleases, but he still goes with you. It’s funny, the more time you spend away from the city, the more you watch the burdens slowly lift from his shoulders, the light return to his eyes.

One time, while walking through a wooded path, Kaz tells you it’s because this reminds him of his home, as well. He grew up on a farm, once, under a different last name and in a different life. He’ll never have that time of his life back again, nor, you think privately, will you have yours, but it’s still lovely to wander around here and pretend that you could.

The job goes off without a hitch. Soon enough, you find yourselves sitting pleased with jewels and artwork hidden away in your luggage, all items recovered without their owners batting so much as an eye. You’ll leave early in the morning before they can notice you. You feel a pang in your heart at the thought of leaving already, but you hadn’t realized you weren’t the only one thinking about it until Kaz visits your room at the inn late that final night.

You had known it was him at your door from the moment you heard his crisp knock against the wooden paneling. No one else moves or lives like Kaz, with so much precision. When you let him in, though, he looks more wild than you’ve ever seen him. His hair, for once, has lost its impeccable style and gone wild and unkempt. His shirt is wrinkled and rolled up to the elbows. It would still be a good look on him were it not for the fact that you’ve never seen him so little put together in the entire time you’ve known him.

Kaz doesn’t say a word until he is certain that the door is shut and bolted behind him. Then, all of a sudden, the words burst out of his throat, so beseeching that you have to wonder how in Ghezen’s name he managed to keep them from you for so long. “Don’t stay here,” he says. “Come back with me.”

You frown. “Who said I was staying? We’ve both got tickets on the ship departing next morning, Kaz.”

He waves a hand frustratedly to signal his disbelief in this statement. “Tickets don’t mean a thing. I need you to say it.”

“I did,” you frown. “Where else would I go?”

“Here,” Kaz says heatedly. “I’ve seen the way you look at the buildings, this place. You want to say here. Don’t you do it, Y/N.”

You shake your head softly. “I love it here, yes, but it’s not my home anymore than Ravka across the sea. I’m going back to the Barrel, Kaz.”

“With me,” he says uncertainly.

“With you,” you confirm. “Goodness, Kaz, did you really think I would stay? How could I do such a thing?”

“It’s very easy for people to leave,” he tells you. There’s a heaviness in his eyes that reminds you of brothers that have been buried, of farms that have long been sold to undeserving families that were not his.

“Not me,” you whisper. “Not if it was you I was leaving.”

His eyes, which have been sweeping your figure this entire time, looking for some twitch of a finger or jump of a pulse to betray you for lying, leap up to yours again. “Okay,” he says at last. “Okay.”

He leans back slightly, wavering on his heels. “I– I’ll go back to my room, then.”

Kaz doesn’t look as if he much savors the idea, and you decide to spare him from his thoughts, just in case. “You can stay here, you know.”

A soft breath is released. “That would– I could do that.”

He does. And, as your candles burn closer to the quick, as the night settles over this city, you cannot help but be glad for the time when you’ll find yourself in a different one. It has been nice to be here, but you would like to go home. And, most importantly of all, you are glad that Kaz will be there with you.

grishaverse tags: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggie2000, @baju69, @crazyhearttragedy, @aoi-targaryen, @budugu

all tags list: @wordsarelife

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in-a-continuous-daydream · 2 months

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I am finishing Crooked Kingdom and I am SCREAMING. Parts or phrases that made me feral:

Matthias chapter 40: my chest HURTS. Matthias had such an amazing journey!! He wanted to do good, he died leaving the hate with which he was raised behind!! He wanted Nina to save those boys of Fjerda like him!!!!!!

Wylan going “I’ll say whatever you want, Father. Just don’t let them hurt me anymore.” Because like what a BADASS move?! Also him pretending to be able to read!!! Power move! I adore him so much.

Jesper telling Van Eck “I’ll read to him.” As in I’ll read to Wylan, as in I will not leave him, as in I LOVE THAT MAN?!

I have never loved a group of characters so much, my beautiful crows ❤️

#wylan van eck six of crows #six of crows #the crows #crooked kingdom #soc #ck #jesper six of crows #matthias helvar #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #kaz brekker #nina zenik #crooked kingdom spoilers #six of crows spoilers #inej gafha

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 5 months

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Symbols I would be making sure were present (or adding) if I were producing the Six of Crows TV show

(Btw I’ve been writing my own script for a bit of fun since the cancellation news so if anyone wants to see that I’ll tag you, and the save S&B petition is also on my page if anyone wants the link)

EDIT: Sorry I should’ve put this I forgot; SA reference warning for the second point, nothing explicit but in talking about Inej’s experiences and the experiences of women in Greek mythology 🖤

FLOWERS. I want geraniums on the Exchange balcony from chapter 2 and I want reference to the geraniums at 19 Burstradt, I want Matthias the big brooding yellow tulip contrasted with the red tulips laid on his chest and in the water after his death, I want crocuses at the Hoede manor, I want jurda blossoms in Jesper’s flashbacks and maybe Kaz’s too (and probably crocuses in his), I want geraniums hidden all over the caravan and circus tent in Inej’s flashbacks, I want wild flowers in Wylan’s hands on the way to St Hilde’s that get discarded in the lobby, I want wisteria growing outside St Hilde’s, I want blue tulips painted on the floor tiles at St Hilde’s, I want white roses all over Nina’s room in Ketterdam and I want to hear the comment about how all the flowers at the White Rose are perfumed by hand, I want a cascade of geraniums falling all over Kaz and Inej as they tumble of Goedmed Bridge, I want lavish flower arrangements at the Menagerie accented by peacock feathers, I COULD TALK ABOUT THE FLOWER SYMBOLISM IN THESE BOOKS FOR YEARS I WANT IT NOTICED LET’S GO

BIRDS. I want crows, I want pigeons, I want nightingales (that one’s my personal addition but oh boy do I have reasons; Nightingales are a symbol of immortality in literature and could be painted on the tiles at St Hilde behind the wisteria for all the same symbolic reasons the wisteria’s there; in Greek mythology Philomela prayed to the gods to escape her Tereus, who had raped her and intended to kill her, and they turned her into a nightingale, representing freedom and imprisonment at the same time because she’d lost who she was so this wasn’t true freedom DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW BADLY I NEED A NIGHTINGALE TO CROSS THE SCREEN WHILST INEJ CONTEMPLATES HAVING COMMITTED MURDER AND HER PERSONAL MORAL AND RELIGIOUS IMPLICATIONS OF THAT!!?? I’m going crazy), I want more emphasis on the bird cage in Heleen’s office because in its three seconds of screen time in season one I was SOLD on how genius it was, I want peacocks EVERYWHERE, I want to be so committed to the birds vibe that we can start throwing in a whole load of new birds for other symbolism!! Let’s have owl symbolism around Wylan and Jesper, let’s have heavy emphasis on Nina as the little red bird, let’s talk about the nightingale again because I’m obsessed

KOMEDIE BRUTE. I have talked before about how I think the costumes each character wears are symbolic and directly linked to their arc but it was a long time ago and I updated it a few times based on replies so if anyone wants a full updated version of my thoughts on that lemme know, I also wrote a thing about how I think Mr Crimson could possibly be an omen of death so again if anyone’s interested let me know - I’ll either tag you or write a post fully involving all my Komedie Brute thoughts. I want Nina as the lost bride, Wylan and Inej in matching grey imp costumes, Kaz in the madman’s mask, Jesper and Matthias as Mr Crimson, all of them as Mr Crimson with a black tear in their masks, silver coins thrown all over the staves, costume shops on Ketterdam streets. I want Jackal masks and Drüskelle “costumes” in plain view on market stalls and in shop windows, and as an add on to that I want references to Nina’s fake Kefta being Kerch-made and uncomfortable to wear.

PURPLE. I want purple stadwatch uniforms, I want purple kruge notes, I want purple decor in the Geldrenner, I want purple silks in Inej’s flashbacks.

TREES. I want so many reminders that trees are sacred to Fjerdans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This has already been done really well in the show but I would want to maintain it; I want to see Matthias praying when Wylan fells the tree before the Ice Court heist, I want his indignation over the relevance of the sacred ash tree, I want to see the look on Nina’s face when she realises Brum has walked her all the way around the sacred ash instead of crossing underneath it (at the time she thinks it’s because she’s pretending to be a prostitute but later we understand it’s because she’s Grisha and I know we couldn’t have had Nina’s internal thoughts in this scene even though I wish we could have but we can still have hints!!!)

SEALS AND STAMPS. I want to see a blue wax seal with a peacock feather pattern, a black seal with a crow, a pale green stamp for the bank, a purple stamp for government correspondence, I want a stack of letters with unbroken red seals with a laurel wreath crest hidden under Wylan’s mattress.

RELIGIOUS SYMBOLS. Ok there’s loads we could say here but specifically I want “rich as saints in crowns of gold” contrasted with “if it was worth anything Heleen would have taken it. But this is just a simple token of faith that my mother stitched”, I want the imagery of Ghezen contrasting the imagery of the Saints contrasting the imagery of Djel, and I so so badly want “Djel is the god of life, not death”

#someone save this show and then hire meeeeee #I have too many ideas #save shadow and bone #save six of crows #grishaverse #six of crows #crooked kingdom #leigh bardugo #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #jesper fahey #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #kanej #wesper #helnik

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19burstraat · 5 months

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anyone want to hear my six of crows x jane austen's emma au. yes of course you do don't be silly. the only person allowed to be silly is me as I descend into madness in the course of trying to cast this. (if you think 'I've heard this before' yes I've posted abt it before tho I think it was on my main)

kaz is emma, a bored, overintelligent rich bitch stuck in a country house with a bunch of shit idiot neighbours and almost no one to entertain or match him. fucking useless dad per haskell / mr woodhouse is a weaksauce hypochrondriac, and jordie / isabella has gone and got married and ditched kaz, the bastard. the only consolation is their neighbour inej / mr knightley, who is rich, sensible, popular, and elegible as hell... glory be, an intellectual equal for kaz!

in order to be less bored, kaz takes on a protege, mysterious randomer and natural son wylan / harriet smith, who kaz decides to mould in his own image and make a good match for. wylan is in love with gentleman farmer jesper / robert martin, but kaz is a snob and tries to push him towards local vicar kuwei / mr elton (I KNOW. I'M SORRY KUWEI), but that all goes tits up bc turns out kaz is a fucking terrible matchmaker, who'd've known.

meanwhile, unassuming and a little cold, but locally well-liked matthias / jane fairfax has arrived back in the village, and kaz busily commences hating on him because he's another accomplished young man and he makes him feel inadequate. hot on his heels comes the mysterious nina / frank churchill (NINA I'M SO SORRY I FUCKING HATE FRANK BUT THIS IS WHAT WORKS FOR THE COUPLES YOU CAN BE A NICE FRANK CHURCHILL ): ), who kaz is kind of fascinated by and enjoys sparring with, and hence kind of misses the really obvious signs that nina and matthias are secretly engaged, even though inej, ever thief of secrets, has lowkey noticed something's up, like matthias getting mysterious gifts from someone. kaz ends up being convinced that possibly it's inej that's pursuing matthias, which nina encourages because it helps her cover, and kaz kinda panics.

everyone has petty village drama which culiminates when kaz sneers at pekka rollins / miss bates (LISTEN. LI actually you don't need to listen bc I laughed out loud when I thought of this comparison but hear me out, if you just think of it as the equivalent of the church of barter scene except instead of 'I buried him' it's 'when have you ever stopped at three?' it kind of works. sorry to miss bates tho who is still kinda my fave austen character) at box hill, which culminates in inej going BOY WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM and kaz is like wow she kind of has a point should I be a better person :/

uhh what else even happens. there's a ball after nina massively encourages one, inej saves wylan from being partnerless and later dances with kaz (think of the gloveless dance scene from the 2020 adaptation? yeah? yeahh??). the regency gender conventions here are getting so messed up lmao, never mind. in emma harriet fancies herself in love with mr knightley and emma is forced to realise that she likes him, so let's say that wylan pretends to be after inej, in order to strong arm kaz into realising that he's wanted to marry inej this entire time. wylan's dad turns out to be minted (I'm stretching the book here to make it work w SOC but never mind) but that's after kaz has admitted he fucked up and sent wylan off to marry gentleman farmer jesper, yaaay. nina's relatives who are stopping her from marrying matthias die and hence there's a massive revelation with 'oh they were engaged this whole time lol', kaz is PISSED bc he didn't clock it. uh. everyone gets married and now kaz can escape the shit village and actually go places. the end.

#this would read less batshit if I could draw bc I would just DRAW it #unfortunately I cannot. LOOK AT MY TEXTPOST BOY #six of crows #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kanej #soc au #six of crows au #helnik #wesper #crooked kingdom #yk the lads would kind of eat those regency clothes tho. kaz doesn't dress THAT differently honestly except for those damn breeches fjd

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sophierequests · 1 year

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kaz brekker

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Angst: ☾ ┃ Fluff: ♡ ┃ Hurt/Comfort: ☆ ┃ Smut: ♤

“A liar, a thief, and utterly without conscience. But he'll keep to any deal you strike with him.”

oneshots

while you're gone (☆) → The reader is away on a trip to Ravka and Kaz misses her for ‘no apparent reason’, causing him to behave differently. The Crows notice and try to play cupid, just in their own way.

Maybe Matthias was right, he thought. What would someone like Y/N ever see in someone like him? The chances were higher that she already found a partner in the Ravkan court, than that she would ever reciprocate his feelings.

the secrets that you keep (☆) → Kaz and the reader are acting as a pretend couple to get into a vault at a party. After getting locked in said vault, things get awkward and confessions ensue.

His expression did not help ease your stress. His brows were furrowed, and his eyes constantly flew from the now-closed door to your panic-struck face.

you always turn my head around (☾ / ☆) → Being best friends with a lovey-dovey couple is hard. Especially if your relationship has to be kept a secret and your partner isn't really too fond of touch. Can love be stronger than guilt?

It wasn’t easy to be with Kaz sometimes. Loving him was easy. Hiding said love was not. You knew that he tried his best to show the missed lacking physical affection through other ways.

in a decadent age i try to change (♡ / ☆) → Kaz watches the reader’s close relationship with Jesper and starts to feel guilty, causing him to distance himself from them. After his bad conscience almost costs them their life, he chooses to come clean.

Unbeknownst to you, he did care. Quite a lot actually. It made him sick to his stomach, having to watch you getting touched by some dirty merchant, whilst he could barely muster the courage to link your pinkies.

untethered, i wash ashore (☾ / ☆) → Kaz is drowning again, but who is there to save him?

Water had killed Kaz Rietveld and birthed Kaz Brekker. And now it returned to take back what it created.

call me what you like (♡) → Kaz and the reader have been married for quite some years now, unbeknownst to their friends. But what if a slip up causes this shared secret to come to the surface?

This had worked surprisingly well. While you and Kaz spent way more time with each other, even trying to work on his touch aversion, your friends tried their best to get you together.

honeycakes and sweetened words (♡) → After a failed job, the reader decides to bake something to cheer the team up, not expecting anything in return. What if Kaz gives them the one thing they expected the least?

However, care wasn’t something of use in the Barrel. It slowed him down, so he did his best to push it down.

grateful you're mine (♡) → Kaz spends a completely ordinary evening with his partner, but wouldn't even dare to trade it for anything in the world.

When he reached the Slat he considered going inside - it’s where his room was, after all - but he quickly passed it. His home was somewhere - someone - else.

i eat boys like you for breakfast (♡) → After being captured by some of the Dime Lions, the reader is done taking anyone's shit.

As soon as Kaz had laid out his plan, you already predicted the many ways it could go wrong, but did he listen? Obviously not.

a glimpse of us (☾) → Years after the reader leaving him, Kaz still sees glimpses of her in everything he does.

But he didn’t. And you weren’t the girl that was with him now.

i crumble completely when you cry (☆) → After years of not seeing them, Kaz decides to find them again.

He had left you in his past a long time ago, and that is where you should have stayed. And that is where you would have stayed if he would have just thrown away all those damned letters.

a little crow and a lot of chaos (♡) → A little crow visits the Crow Club for the first time and chaos ensues.

Many people couldn’t appreciate the beauty of the Barrel, however, seeing it through the eyes of a small boy, whose father wasn’t reluctant to tell stories about all the crazy heists his parents and their friends had completed here, made it easier for you to understand why your son was so excited to come back.

liebe geht durch den magen (♡) → There seems to be someone mysteriously delivering food to Kaz's office when he least expects it, but who could be the culprit for this disgusting(ly sweet) act?

The two of you had some ‘unresolved romantic tension’, as Jesper would like to call it whenever he saw Kaz staring for a bit too long and caring just a little bit too much. But no, he didn’t have feelings for you.

i can't deny it any longer (♡) → An unlikely friendship gets revealed, and the Crows intend to make more of it.

“Don’t get me started.” You got him started. In fact, his rant almost took one hour, only allowing you to give some sparse comments in between.

five things you can see (☆) → Kaz comes to comfort the reader after a panic attack.

Kaz and you had an utterly different upbringing and quite the contrasting set of morals, however, that didn’t stifle the connection you began to establish. It had been a rocky path to get to the point where the two of you were now, but after being part of his life for the majority of his later teenage years and adulthood made one thing abundantly clear: You needed each other.

take my hand and don't let go (☾ / ☆ / ♡) → A job gone wrong forces the reader to do something she had tried to avoid: touching Kaz.

Your body hit the concrete ground with a firm thud, rendering you unable to move for a few moments after the impact. Everything around you was spinning, and you felt as if you had just lost the majority of your ability to hear, but staying on the ground wasn’t an option.

someone could lose a heart tonight (☾ / ☆ / ♡) → Kaz develops a crush on a Heartender!Reader, and thinks he's being good at hiding his feelings. Turns out, he really isn't.

This behaviour made you curious. His motions were uneasy - nervous. And Kaz Brekker was never nervous. And if he ever was, he wouldn't be inclined to display it this openly.

just deadweight (☾ / ☆) → Opposites attract, but they also make a damn good breeding ground for conflict and self-esteem issues.

So when it became obvious that the Bastard of the Barrel had developed feelings for someone that went against every single one of these traits, no one really seemed to be able to understand what exactly he saw in you. But oddly enough, the two of you worked. Somehow, everything between you made a stunning sort of sense.

hot chocolate (♡) → The reader convinces Kaz to drink a hot chocolate with them.

“The last time I had a cup of hot chocolate was when I was six. I burnt my tongue and promised myself to never drink one again. So I fear your threat won’t have much of an effect on me,” he replied dryly, pointedly ignoring the utterly shocked expression on your face.

right where you left me (♡) → Kaz sends the reader off to go travel with Inej, but didn't expect him missing them this much.

"You request I take Y/N with me when I leave for Ravka." He mentally shooed away the frown that threatened to crease his face. She was right, that was exactly what he wanted to ask her. But hearing her say the words out loud forced the vague idea to manifest into reality. And knowing that she could read him this easily deflated his ego quite a bit.

lose you all the same (☆ / ♡) → Three years after their break-up, the reader is forced to return to Ketterdam and old feelings resurface.

The Zemeni boy scrunched up his nose in dismay, a habit he had picked up from the merchling whenever he was apprehensive to do something. “They are back in Ketterdam.”

two-parters

fingers crossed pt. 1┃pt. 2 (☾ / ☆) → Hiding an injury from someone as meticulous as Kaz is never a good idea. But what if a hidden injury came to light managed to lead to a long-awaited confession?

He thought about the previous moments. The absolute instinct to feel her temperature. To touch her without his gloves. His protective shield. Why did he do this? Was this the reason for the panic he was in?

never to touch and never to keep pt. 1┃pt. 2 (☾ / ☆ / ♡) → Kaz Brekker doesn’t say goodbye, he just lets go. However, his friends won’t accept that.

He should’ve apologized. He should’ve followed you. He should’ve dropped everything to keep you in his life. He should’ve done something. But he didn’t.

set it up pt. 1┃pt. 2 (♡) → Wylan and Jesper are helplessly pining over each other, and everyone is starting to get sick of it. Especially Kaz and the reader seem to have suffered enough under their friends' behaviour. So of course, the only reasonable conclusion is to set them up.

“Think about it. I’m Wylan’s best friend, you’re Jesper’s best friend - don’t you dare deny it! Together we can get all the intel - all the important information on how they feel about each other. It’s perfect! We could set them up and they wouldn’t even notice our involvement.”

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #Kaz Brekker #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker masterlist #six of crows #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagine #six of crows duology #shadow and bone x reader #netflix shadow and bone #Grishaverse #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse fanfic

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grimbanes · 1 year

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kaz brekker being a menace! six of crows edition;

kaz and matthias underrated moment: “were you always good at locks?” “no.” “how did you learn?” “the way you learn about anything. take it apart.” “and the magic tricks?” kaz snorted. “so you don’t think im a demon anymore?” “I know you’re a demon, but your tricks are human.”

Kaz’s grin was as sharp as a razor. “Thank goodness we’re proper thieves. We’re going to do a little shopping and it’s all going on Fjerda’s tab. Inej,” he said, “let’s start with something shiny.” - chapter 28.

“when we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm,” kaz said. “i’m going to pay someone to burn my kruge for me.” kaz fell into step beside him. “why don’t you pay someone else to pay someone else to burn your kruge for you? that’s what the big players do.” - chapter 19.

“please tell me kaz hasn’t gone missing again,” nina said. - chapter 37.

kaz marvelled at his own stupidity. dumber than a pigeon fresh off the boat and looking to make a fortune on the east stave. - chapter 45.

“son of a bitch,” he exclaimed a second later. rollins held up his watch chain. a turnip was hanging from the fob where his diamond-studded timepiece should have been. “that little bastard-“ then a thought came to him. he reached for his wallet. it was gone. so was his tie pin, the kaelish coin pendant he wore for luck, and the gold buckles on his shoes. rollins wondered if if he should check the fillings in his teeth. - chapter 46.

They blew up the lab, he’d thought as the debris rained down around him. I definitely did not tell them to blow up the lab. - chapter 38.

The harbour had lifted her dark hair, and for a moment Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world. She’d laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him. - chapter 38.

“And get me clean clothes and fresh water.” “Since when am I your valet?” “Man with a knife, remember?” He said over his shoulder. “Man with a gun!” Jesper called after him. Kaz replied with a time-saving gesture that relied heavily on his middle finger. - chapter 13.

At any given time he had at least two knives stashed somewhere in his clothes. He didn’t even count this one, really - a tidy, wicked little blade. - chapter 13.

“This is disgusting.” kaz shrugged. “Only disgusting thing about it is that I didn’t think of it first.” “These men aren’t slaves, kaz. they’re prisoners.” “they’re murderers and rapists.” “and thieves and con artists. your people.” “nina, sweet, they aren’t forced to fight.” - chapter 6.

these are just some favourites from the first book that made me laugh very loudly.

#kaz brekker #six of crows #six of crows duology #crooked kingdom #leigh bardugo #grishaverse #kaz #kaz brekker imagine #kanej

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i-am-mldy · 1 year

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SAB S2 thoughts (more on the Crows)

Honestly I don't mind that they diverted from the books. I didn't have a problem with it in S1. I'm just so annoyed about how they went about revealing basically all the major points right off the bat. Like I expected Jordie but within the first 20 mins??? when the best part about that in the books was the mystery of it??? the build up??? I would've preferred it if the flashbacks scenes were saved for the big confrontation between Pekka and Kaz. It would've made the reveal of his past more impactful. Also, Kaz announcing right off the bat how he knew Jesper was a Durast??? That too was a major moment saved for a crucial time but they just threw it out there. Like he could've just thrown the coin at Jesper and did his "i know your secret" stare. Show Don't Tell people.

What saved this show for me were the Crows, ESPECIALLY the ships. I loved how they went about Wesper. The tension and the banter were immaculate. Also, them meeting via one night stand and Wylan having left first??? Iconic. I'm tired of the uwu soft boy image yall put on him.

Helnik??? Everything from the chemistry, to the angst, to the SEXINESS, they all gave. I'm glad they didn't rush their relationship. The Ice Court job was the best part of their story. Also, those dreams??? Matthias Helvar you poor, starved man. Got me fanning my face and all.

And of course, our parents, our King and Queen, Kanej. Fuck and here I thought they couldn't get anymore ANGSTIER. Like amped up to 1000%. It wasn't as slow burn as the books but the show gave them more material, more conflict, more LONGING and I'm eating all of it up.

In conclusion, the Crows are the only reason I sat through that show. Issues with the plot aside, the cast's chemistry and acting saved it. S1's pacing was much better but ig they had to rush it for fear of cancellation idk.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #six of crows #wesper #helnik #kanej #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan hendricks #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar

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luna-writes-stuff · 2 years

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Day 2: Love Story, Kaz Brekker

Song link

Fanfic, gn!reader

CBJXJS SO MUCH FLUFF OMG

Word count: 3275

Tw: No beta we die like men, maybe a tiny ooc!kaz oopsie. I tried. One drop of Y/N. Sorry gold girlies. Slight description of anxiety. Piece about heists and injuries, but nothing too graphic.

Summary: Kaz hasn’t known life without you at his side. He doesn’t see reason for you to abandon him any time soon. And he isn’t planning on letting you go either.

"We were both young when I first saw you I close my eyes and the flashback starts I'm standin' there On a balcony in summer air."

Kaz Brekker was never the legend people would now call Dirtyhands. He was not always as undaunted or ‘soulless’- if you will - as people knew. You had met him when he was a normal boy. You had known him running through the weeds after you, tossing mud and apples in your direction.

The two of you frolicking and tumbling down the hills, jumping in creeks, and chasing butterflies. Nobody would believe you that that was your childhood if you told them now. But you knew. And you knew Kaz did as well.

Somewhere.

Deep down.

"See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns See you make your way through the crowd And say, "Hello" Little did I know."

But something as fragile as innocence and youth is easily corrupted. For not even ten years later, the two of you found yourselves completely and utterly alone. In the centre of a town many knew to avoid.

And though Kaz changed for the worse, and grew cold and distant, he never let you out of his sight. Not after that fateful day. He would no longer offer you comforting embraces, or heartfelt touches, but he had his way of letting you know he cared.

He’d hand you your coat, save you a seat at the table, have a cup of coffee warm for you in the morning, a hand ghosting behind your back when you passed a certain group of men, offer you a goodnight before you left for bed, and a whole bunch of other things you did not seem to notice that often. But he took special care in these things.

"That you were Romeo, you were throwin' pebbles And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet" And I was cryin' on the staircase Beggin' you, "Please don't go, "."

A moment as this one was one you would not recognize until you were asked later. You were sitting on the edge of the fountain. On top of Kaz’ coat. One he had taken off so you could sit down. And it had become normal for you. Hell, even Jesper had gotten used to it. But Kaz would take good care in remembering to do these things; for even if you did not point them out, he knew you would notice it when he stopped doing it.

So now, the three of you were waiting in the garden on the other half of your group. Nina, Matthias, Wylan, and Inej were given the simple task of invading the gallery. A painting high on Pekka’s list has passed through Kaz’ ears, and he was keen on having it. If only to bother Rollins.

But Jesper had been handsome decoy - his specialty - as you and Kaz tried to keep out of sight. If anything would tick the guards off, it would’ve been the mere sight of your faces. So the garden had to do for the time being.

"And I said Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run."

“They should have been back by now,” Kaz mumbled under his breath, leaning on his cane as he inspected his watch.

“Well,” Jesper smirked, taking a seat beside you. “You know how Nina likes to be fashionably late.” “That is a Jesper trait,” You interrupted. “Nina knows better.”

The sharpshooter shot you an accusing look. One that, ironically, Nina would often shoot you when warning you about thin ice. The boy copied the expression almost flawlessly, but you simply shrugged.

“I could sneak in and look for them.” You tried to offer in reconciliation, but you were shot down by Kaz.

“Not you,” He responded almost immediately. “They will recognize you the second you set foot in that building.” As he spoke, his eyes trailed to Jesper, who exhaled deeply at the hint.

“Do you want me to check?” He groaned almost unwillingly, standing up from the seat he had just taken.

“Please, do be a Saint and run in.” You batted your eyelashes sarcastically, holding your hands together in dramatic affection. “Thank you.”

The grumbled something under his breath,halting his steps momentarily to turn back to you. “So you two can have some alone time.”

“Go.” You dismissed, shooing him away with your hands. A joking “going” was heard from him, before he stalked through the window, leaving you alone with the Bastard of the Barrel. A surprisingly comfortable idea.

"You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"."

Patting the empty space beside you, you urged Kaz to sit down. His leg had seemed to bother him after all the walking, but you knew him longer than today. You knew he would not tell anyone it bothers him, much less admit it as an answer. But he silently accepted your offer.

“They will be fine,” You tried to reassure, to which the boy nodded, his eyes set on the building in the distance.

“Of course they will.”

“Then why do you appear anxious?”

His posture appeared rigged, his jaws set tightly together as his eyes had yet to wander the surroundings of his place. Though his cane stood on the floor steady, his hand was clutching it as if it was the only thing keeping him standing - or sitting, in this case.

Not yet.

“I don’t get anxious.”

Looking at him sharply, you opted to remain silent, not clouding his thoughts. Instead, you chose to sit there in silent peace. A moment so calm - ironic, considering you were in the midst of a heist - that you knew it would take days for something like this to appear again.

"So I sneak out to the garden to see you We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew So close your eyes Escape this town for a little while, oh oh."

But the silence was quickly overtook by a gunshot coming from the structure you and Kaz had kept such a keen eye on. Simultaneously, the two of you shot up, both reaching for the weapons hid within your pockets. But before either of you could draw them, your five friends came running out, the tallest one of them carrying a smaller painting.

“Run!” Was all Nina managed to shout, nearing the two of you rather quickly, before grabbing your arm and tugging you with her, leaving Kaz to take off on his own.

You did not dare question them. Not when you heard a group of loud footsteps thundering from the gates you had escaped through just seconds prior.

“I thought this was supposed to be a swift and stealthy mission!” You panted out over your shoulder, following Nina’s every step.

“It was!” Inej countered, her voice sounding behind your back, her breaths also heavy. “Until Jesper decided to pop in!”

“This was not my fault!”

“Not the time!” Kaz hissed, grabbing one of the bombs Wylan had secured on his back. As you kept running, he detached the clip, throwing it a couple feet back, his pace not once fading.

A loud boom echoed through the streets, but none of you dared to stop to see if the chasing had stopped.

“Of course, because storming into the main hall with a gun in your hand would not raise any questions!” Nina protested, her hand tightly clutching yours.

“I had it under control!”

“They were shooting at you!”

“Not the time!” Kaz repeated in irritation, making way to that all too familiar alley. Just a couple more steps, and you would be between the safe walls of the Slat.

"'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet" But you were everything to me I was beggin' you, "Please don't go, "."

After you and Inej had fixed Wylan up from his unfortunate encounter with a long flight of stairs, you made your way to your room. Throwing your full weight onto your bed, you sighed in relief

You made it.

The planning for heists was fun. Hell, sometimes the execution of it even was. The running was something you could never get used to, though. And it did not help your brain told you to check on Kaz every five seconds, making it quite difficult to maintain your balance. But you were here. Back in your room. The comforting smell of fresh sheets brushed through your system.

You’d have to thank Kaz for that later.

For now, all you truly wanted to do was close your eyes and relax. You did not even want to fall asleep. Resting your eyes had been a term for a reason.

Yet you could not help but notice a small piece of paper resting on your windowsill. What piqued your interest, was the fact that you had not written - nor left - anything there. And even from this distance, you could tell it wasn’t the paper you would usually use.

Groaning at the sudden thoughts, you got back up, wandering towards the piece. Your eyes scanned the first few words, noticing a bunch of crossed out sentences at the bottom, which were nigh unreadable.

This was Kaz’ handwriting.

Folding the paper, you placed it on top of your nightstand, urging your curious mind to simply shut up for once, and just close your eyes.

"And I said Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run."

He had found you like that an hour later. Still sprawled out over the blanket, almost in starfish position. Soft snores escaped your mouth, as your feet dangled from the bed.

He knew better than to disturb you.

He hung his coat over one of the chairs in the room, resting his cane against the seat. As he walked towards you, he halted suddenly, as if forgetting something. Staring at you for a couple of seconds, he decided to turn around, grabbing something from his coat, which he placed within the pockets of his trousers.

Sitting down beside you, he simply watched you, discarding his gloves on the nightstand. His eyes caught a folded up piece of paper, tucked neatly under the seat of the lantern decorating the table, making sure it wouldn’t fly off.

His head ran through a million different scenarios; had you read it? Did you leave it there for him, or had he left it there? Should he tuck it away just to be safe?

"You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"."

Kaz Brekked never felt anxious. He was not anxious now. This unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach was merely….lack of hydration.

Yes, he needed to drink. He hadn’t drank anything since you left for the heist. That was all.

Yet he could not help but grab the paper, tugging it into his pocket as well. He stood up again, tucking a blanket over you briefly, before walking up to the door.

He halted momentarily. Again.

This was no anxiety.

His head turned back to your sleeping form, his hand subconsciously reaching for the paper.

No. Not yet.

"Romeo, save me, they're tryna tell me how to feel This love is difficult, but it's real."

“Hey, Kazzle,” Jesper grinned as he slid into the booth, next to his boss, who inaudibly groaned at his cheerful friend.

“You know I love our little talks, but today, you simply seem to be radiating-“ he tried to sugarcoat, but Kaz was quick to interrupt him.

“What do you need, Jesper? And why?”

The said sharpshooter halted, gaping quietly, a mocking, dramatic sigh escaping his mouth. He was not on time to defend his case, though, for Kaz already shot him an annoyed glance.

“Nina has this bet,” Jesper started meekly.

“No.”

“You don’t even know what it is about.”

“This is your mess, Jesper.”

“No, but see, that’s the great part.” He pointed out, laying his hands on the table to put emphasis on his words. “I haven’t partaken yet.”

The boy shot him an urging glance, forcing him to continue speaking. Jesper glanced around briefly, afraid his other friends might be listening to him. But when he spotted none within hearing distance, he continued.

“I could really use a win now, and Nina seems big on her case, and you know how she gets-“

“You’re rambling,”

“Right.” Swallowing thickly, the Zemeni boy looked at his hands, twirling with his rings subconsciously. “You see, Nina seems fairly convinced you are planning a certain thing.”

Raising his eyebrows, Kaz looked at his glass. “A thing?”

“Yes, well, you won’t believe this,” he chuckled nervously, his leg now stuttering under the table. Suddenly his voice became hushed. “She thinks you are going to, you know…” he trailed off, opening his hands vertically, a hint Kaz did not seem to get.

Or did not want to get.

"Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"."

His eyes glanced up at his friend again, furrowing his eyebrows together.

“She thinks,” Jesper now whispered, his voice barely audible for Kaz. “That you are going to pop the question.”

Anxiety and dread settled into Kaz’ system once more.

No, not anxiety. Dehydration, he told himself.

“I am going to propose to Y/N?” He asked in confirmation, to which Jesper nodded wildly.

“Usually, I would take the counter bet, but Nina seemed so keen on her words, I had to check first.”

“That is considered cheating.”

“Can you not grant me this one thing?”

“No,” Kaz answered curtly. His friend sat there in silence, unsure of how to continue. Thankfully, Kaz spoke first. “No, I do not plan on proposing.”

A sigh of relief swept through the room, originating from Jesper, who laid his head on the table.

“Thank you, Kazzle. You’re a Saint.”

And with these words, he disappeared into the back room, surely making a deal with Nina.

"I got tired of waiting Wonderin' if you were ever comin' around."

These were the words that would haunt him for the rest of the night. As he wandered the halls later that night, his hands kept fiddling with the paper in his pocket. Inej had noticed. She had not told him.

She was the one who had found the note in the first place. She was the one who had placed it in your windowsill. Of course, without the knowledge of you or Kaz.

She was the one who slipped one thing or the other to Nina. She did not mean to, she simply lost control of her excitement. And now Nina had been beaming for days.

Surprisingly, no one would notice. Not until Jesper mentioned that bet to Kaz.

"My faith in you was fading When I met you on the outskirts of town, And I said."

He entered your room for the second time that night, now finding you in a fresh set of clothes, neatly tucked under the blankets, leaving space on the bed in case Kaz were to join her again. And the invite seemed to good to ignore now.

Throwing his shoes off, and changing his clothes, he walked towards the bed. You had looked so peaceful there; more at rest than you had appeared earlier. Your chest was rising and falling slowly, breath fanning past your lips with every exhale.

He knew staring was probably one of the last things he should do in such a scenario, yet he could not help it. Nothing brought him more peace nor comfort than to see you at peace. It was something silly, he considered, but he found himself truly at rest when you were.

And in that exact moment, with the soft pattering of rain against the window, he had felt more relaxed than he had in the last days. Nay - weeks. Perhaps even months.

He was not anxious.

"Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone I keep waiting for you, but you never come Is this in my head? I don't know what to think."

Shaking the sudden intrusive thoughts from his mind, he opted to lie on his back, his eyes trained on the ceiling. You had been right earlier; his leg had been bothering him. He had been too vain to admit it. Laying down now was not only peaceful to him, it was soothing altogether. Mentally and physically.

Hissing momentarily as he adjusted his leg, he felt you stir beside him. Freezing upon the motion, he nearly stopped breathing.

“Staying here tonight?” You mumbled, your voice laced with sleep, your head moving to bury itself in your pillow.

Kaz only hummed, resuming his shifting. He felt you rolling around, turning towards the edge of the bed as you gave him more room.

“No,” he objected through a whisper. “It’s okay.”

As if he flipped a switch, you turned back into your earlier position, your leg briefly brushing his. But he did not groan upon the impact, as you had expected. Instead, he kept his leg there; against yours, almost a comforting touch.

"He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring And said, "Marry me, Juliet You'll never have to be alone."

Silence now filled the air, the twisting and turning finally stopping. Though there had been a reasonable distance between the two of you, the feeling of his leg against yours was a reminder that he was still there.

Moments passed, yet you could not bring yourself to fall asleep. Something was bothering Kaz and you knew it. You did not even need to look at him in order to know that.

“Penny for your thoughts?” You mumbled, your eyes still shut, but interested in his words.

He remained quiet for a second, before sighing shortly. “Jesper placing bets again.”

You hummed in humor and understanding, now turning around to face him.

“Is he losing?”

He stared into your eyes for a moment, his usually stern gaze filled with something only you got to see from time to time; weakness and - ironically enough - love. It was hesitant now, but still obvious.

“Always.”

"“I love you and that's all I really know I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress" It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"."

You chuckled lowly, shaking your head against the pillow. Kaz simply continued to look at you, the ghost of a smile on his face.

Closing your eyes again, you muttered him a good night, knowing he’d keep talking if something were to bother him.

Instead, he grabbed your hand; his slender fingers brushing with yours, before grasping them clearly, squeezing them lightly as he moved them. His lips met the surface of your hand for a short second, the notion sending butterflies through your stomach. He had picked up this habit weeks earlier, and you would be lying if you said you did not enjoy it.

“‘Night,” he uttered back, before letting go of your hand.

It hadn’t even been a minute before his voice cut through the silent air again.

“Silver or gold?”

You were quiet for a while, pondering his question, even though you already knew the answer.

“Silver.”

Kaz chuckled, turning around to face the nightstand, glancing at something on top of it that you could not see over his back.

“Yes,” he mused. “Jesper is going to lose.”

"'Cause we were both young when I first saw you."

—

Tag list: @brekkers-desigirl @ell0ra-br3kk3r @4-ravener-7

#november writings 2022 #Kaz brekker #six #six of crows #shadow and bone #freddy carter #shadow and bone netflix #grishaverse #leigh bargudo #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine

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ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes · 8 months

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The Phoenix and the Crow

part nineteen

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!reader

genre: neutral

el's thoughts: 19!! my brain isn't understanding haha hope you enjoy!

series masterlist

Y/N made a sound of disgust, her contempt for the Fjerdan clear, and the Zemeni man next to the inferni stopped fidgeting, his mouth falling slightly ajar. Kaz, however, didn’t seem surprised. If anything, he looked pleased.

“I can give you something better,” said Kaz.

Doubt and suspicion swam in Matthias’ eyes. “There is nothing else I want.”

“I can make you druskelle again.”

“Are you a magician, then? A wej sprite who grants wishes? I’m superstitious, not stupid.”

“You can be both, you know, but that’s hardly the point.” Kaz slipped a gloved hand into his dark coat. “Here,” he said. And gave a piece of paper to the inferni. She brought the paper up to his face for him to read. The document was written in Kerch and Fjerdan. Matthias’ eyes scanned over the paper that had statements of a release due in his favor. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What evidence?”

Kaz leaned back in his chair. “It seems Nina Zenik has recanted her statements. She will face charges of perjury.”

“Perjury? How long will you serve for that, Zenik?”

“Two months,” she said quietly.

“Two months?” Matthias laughed cruelly, his body twitching as if he’d been poisoned.

The others watched him with some concern.

“Just how crazy is he?” Jesper asked, fingers drumming on the pearl handles of his precious revolvers.

Y/N shrugged. “He’s not what I’d call reliable, but he’s all we’ve got apparently.”

Once Matthias got over his laughing fit he cleared his throat. “She can’t be trusted, you know,” he said to Kaz. “Whatever secrets you hope to gain from Bo Yul-Bayur, she’ll turn them over to Ravka.”

Y/N clenched her fists, but before she could say anything Kaz jumped to the defence. “Let me worry about that, Helvar. You do your part, and the secrets of Yul-Bayur and jurda parem will be in the hands of the people best equipped to make sure they stay rumors.”

Y/N eyed Kaz cautiously as she wondered who he planned on handing the drug and chemist over to. There are things that he has kept in the dark and she knew it would come to sneak up on them later if he didn’t bring it to light.

After a bit more of going back and forth Matthias finally agreed to Kaz’s terms.

“We’re going to untie you,” said Kaz. “I hope prison hasn’t robbed you of all your manners or good sense.”

Matthias nodded and Y/N pulled out a knife to cut him free of the ropes that binded him. “I believe you know Nina,” Kaz continued. “The lovely girl freeing you is Y/N L/N, our own personal Ravkan soldier and the best in the trade. Jesper Fahey is our sharpshooter, Zemeni-born but try not to hold it against him, and this is Wylan, the best demolitions expert in the Barrel.”

A rag tag group who had taken the world by storm while they helped save it from the darkest of shadows. Now challenged to take on the biggest heist of their lives. None of them entirely prepared for what came next but they all had their motives. Righteous and good-willed or greedy and selfish, they all had one goal and they hoped it’d be strong enough to hold them together.

“Besides, Wylan isn’t just good with the flint and fuss. He’s our insurance.” Kaz spoke while avoiding eye contact with Y/N.

“Against what?” Nina asked.

“Meet Wylan Van Eck,” said Kaz Brekker as the boy’s cheeks flooded crimson. “Jan Van Eck’s son and our guarantee on four million kruge.”

Jesper stared at Wylan. “You’re a Councilman’s kid? I mean that explains everything… Why didn’t you tell me?” His eyes had grown soft and filled with hurt.

Wylan was red-faced and mortified. Nina looked stunned and irritated. The Fjerdan just seemed confused. Kaz appeared utterly pleased with himself. Y/N glared hard at the side of Dirtyhand’s face.

Wylan’s mouth opened and closed, his throat working. “You knew?” he asked Kaz miserably.

Kaz leaned back in his chair, one knee bent, his bad leg stretched out before him. “Why do you think I’ve been keeping you around?”

“I’m good at demo.”

“You’re passable at demo. You’re excellent at hostage.”

That was cruel, but that was Kaz. And the Barrel was a far rougher teacher than Kaz could ever be. At least this explained why Kaz had been coddling Wylan and brought him on an insanely important job.

The plan in Y/N’s head tilted sideways. Wylan was a hostage. Van Eck was paying Kaz for this heist. He lied to her. Not directly, but he withheld the information.

The bastard continued to make his point of Wylan not really being fit for this line of work. Jesper sat silently with a dazed look in his eyes while Wylan looked like a kicked puppy. Y/N felt uneasy about the whole situation.

“Since Wylan has seen the Ice Court with his very own eyes,” Kaz spoke, “he can keep you honest, Helvar.”

The Fjerdan scowled furiously, and Wylan looked a little ill.

“Don’t worry,” Nina said. “The glower isn’t lethal.”

Kaz tapped his cane on the polished wood floor. “Take out your pen and proper paper, Wylan. Let’s put Helvar to work.”

Wylan reached into the satchel that sat between the sharpshooter and himself. He pulled out a slender roll of butcher’s paper followed by a metal case that held an expensive-looking pen and ink set.

“Start talking,” Kaz said to the Fjerdan. “It’s time to pay the rent.”

Matthias directed his furious gaze at Kaz. Definitely a mighty glower. It was almost fun to watch him pit it against Kaz’s sharklike stare.

Finally, the Fjerdan shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and said, “The concentric circles, like the rings of a tree.” The words came slowly, as if speaking each one was causing him pain.

The merchling and Fjerdan went back and forth on describing the Ice Court, each one fact checking and correcting the other. They explained each level of defence and the coordinating colored protical. Where the prison cells were and where they’d most likely find Bo Yul-Bayur.

“Hringkalla is coming up,” Nina said suddenly.

“Be silent,” Matthias snapped.

“Pray, don’t,” said Kaz.

“Hringkalla. It’s the Day of Listening, when the new druskelle are initiated on the White Island.” Y/N spoke up.

Matthias’ knuckles flexed white. “You have no right to speak of those things. They’re holy.”

“They’re facts. The Fjerdan royals throw a huge party with guests from all over the world, and plenty of the entertainment comesstraight from Ketterdam.”

“Entertainment?” Kaz asked.

“Actors, dancers, a Komedie Brute troupe, and the best talent from the pleasure houses of West Stave.”

“I thought Fjerdans didn’t go in for that sort of thing,” said Jesper.

Nina’s lips quirked. “You’ve never seen Fjerdan soldiers on the Staves?”

“I meant when they’re at home,” Jesper said.

“It’s the one day a year they all stop acting so miserable and actually let themselves have a good time,” Nina replied. “Besides, “only the druskelle live like monks.”

Matthias and the heartrender kept going back and forth, each picking and poking with their words, trying to get a reaction out of each other. Y/N rolled her eyes at the pair in both annoyance and a teasing manner.

“When does this party take place?” Kaz interrupted.

“It’s seasonal,” Nina said, “on the spring equinox.”

“Two weeks from today.” noted Y/N.

Kaz cocked his head to one side, his eyes focused on something in the distance.

“Scheming face,” Jesper whispered to Y/N.

She nodded. “Definitely.”

Kaz inquired about the White Rose sending any delegations. Nina replied, saying she didn’t know anything.

Kaz leaned back. “What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?”

“Knife to the throat?” Y/N asked.

“Gun to the back?” said Jesper.

“Poison in his cup?” suggested Nina.

“You’re all horrible,” said Matthias.

Kaz rolled his eyes. “The easiest way to steal a man’s wallet is to tell him you’re going to steal his watch. You take his attention and direct it to where you want it to go.” He continued to explain how Hringkalla will do the job for them. They’ll take advantage of the chaos that is hosting such a large gathering of people. “They can’t be looking everywhere at once.” He started to construct his plan of them sneaking into the prison as criminals.

“Let me get this straight,” said Jesper. “You want us to let the Fjerdans lock us up in jail. Isn’t that what we’re always trying to avoid?”

“Criminal identities are slippery. It’s one of the perks of being a member of the troublemaking class. They’ll be counting heads at the prison gate, looking at names and crimes, not checking passports or examining embassy seals.”

“Because no one wants to go to pricon,” Jesper said.

Nina rubbed her hands over her wrists, “I don’t want to be locked up in a Fjerdan cell.” Y/N nodded her agreement.

Kaz flicked his sleeve, and two slender rods of metal appeared between his fingers. They danced over his knuckles then vanished once more.

“Lockpicks?” Y/N asked.

“You let me take care of the cells,” said Kaz.

“Hit where the mark isn’t looking,” mused the inferni.

“That’s right,” nodded Kaz. “And the Ice Court is like any other mark, one big white pigeon ready for the plucking.”

Anticipation mixed with fear and excitement settled in the room as Y/N looked around at the other crows.

Matthias folded his huge arms and said, “You have no idea what you’re up against.”

“But you do, Helvar. I want you working on the plan of the Ice Court every minute until we sail. Mo detail is too small or inconsequential. I’ll be checking on you regularly.”

Y/N traced her fingers over the rough sketch Wylan drew out. “It really does look like the rings of a tree.”

“No,” said Kaz. “It looks like a target.”

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #six of crows #six of crows imagines #six of crows x reader #ellora.writes

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starrynightmovietheatre · 1 month

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Elise now presents:

I would have married you, if you’d have stuck around

Warnings: mentions of the drüskelle, murder, injury, typical six of crows topics

Starring: Matthias Helvar and Grisha!fjerdan!reader

Soundtrack: doomsday - Lizzy McAlpine, champagne problems - Taylor Swift, house song - Searows

Enjoy the movie! 🎬

Being kept out of a job was unusual for you. You were one of the most known dregs, joining the Ketterdam gang just a few months before dirtyhands himself.

You were practically clawing your hair out as a group of dregs left to a job that, according to Brekker, didn’t require your skill set and you were needed behind the bar at the crow club, but you didn’t quite believe that excuse. The club was just starting to fill up and the amount of drinks you were making was starting to rise as you saw Jesper Fahey slide seamlessly into one of the card games happening.

Now, you and Kaz had been quite close since he joined Haskell, you had shown him the ropes since you were just a few months older than him and had been there before him. You pass your job off to Anika before walking up the stairs to Kaz’s office, knowing he had probably walked up without you realising somehow.

You knock four times, a number you recognise as lucky, could be the fact your Fjerdan or it could be the fact you escaped the drüskelle on the fourth of April, you don’t know. Either way Kaz lets you in with a monotone voice and you are ready to rip him a whole ass new coat before you see a tall blonde sat in the chair in front of his desk, facing away from the door.

“Didn’t know you kidnapped, Brekker, doesn’t seem your style.” You say, stepping into the office and shutting the door behind you before leaning on the doorframe, just covering the door enough that no one could barge in, a trick you copied from Haskell.

“Saved people, there’s a difference.” He replies, glaring up at you but you know there’s no proper malice in it, just enough that you know he’s right.

You hum and move to sit in the chair next to the blonde when Kaz shows no complaints of you being in the room and when you glance over you recognise the side profile of the man. Your eyebrows knit together as Kaz sends you a knowing glance that you respond to with a confused one.

“Who’d you save?” You ask, still looking at the boy’s face, his gaze not moving from Kaz and not even sparing a glance at you. You can still see Kaz out the corner of your eye, his lips tilting up in a smirk as he tenses his grip on the pen and then loosens, a tell he’s unconsciously started doing over the past few years.

“A hellgate prisoner, he’s Fjerdan and doesn’t speak much Kerch currently so I was about to send Inej to find you to translate.” He says, his smirk dropping into his usual hardened expression once he notices Matthias avoiding looking at you. “Y/n, meet Matthias Helvar.”

~ 10 years earlier, Southern Fjerda

“Matthias! Give it back, you know I need it!” Seven year old you yells out, chasing after the boy through the thick winter snow, your small footprints pressed into the vast white layer.

“Never! You have to come out and play!” An eight year old Matthias yells back, about 6 feet ahead of you before you trip over a hidden rock in the evening snow. He instantly stops running as you call out and runs back to you, holding his hand over the blood now running down your wrist.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t tell my dad.” He starts, pressing heavily down on the cut before getting you both up and pulling you towards your houses and taking you into his, helping his mother clean and bandage your cut.

It scarred but you always teased him about it, knowing he went bright red and started apologising.

You never heard him apologise so much until he told his dad about you using your grisha abilities at age 12.

~ 10 years later, Ketterdam

“Matthias.” You say, forcing your mouth not to drop open at the realisation of why Kaz didn’t bring you on the job. You hand covers the thin scar on your wrist, rubbing your thumb over it instinctively as the boy finally looks up at you before looking over at the small window in what Kaz calls his office.

“I’ll leave you to catch him up, will I?�� Kaz says, standing up and collecting his cane, sending you a look that you know reads as this is your one kind thing for the year and leaves, shutting the door swiftly behind him.

“Matthias look at me.” You say, languages switching to Fjerdan almost perfectly, your slight twang of an accent suddenly coming back as you speak your mother tongue yet the boy doesn’t turn his head. “Matthias look at me, djel’s sake.”

He turns to look at you, guilt suddenly pooling in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He forces out, his words breathy as he looks you in the eyes for the first time in 6 whole years. “I’m sorry, I loved you, no, I love you, I don’t know why I told my dad anything-“ He cuts himself off, taking a breath as he drags his gaze down to the white line your thumb is covering.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me.” He ends, sighing as he looks at the empty seat Kaz was once frequenting, unable to look at you any longer.

“I forgave you the moment I got on the boat to Kerch, Matthias.”

Director’s note: Please ignore how shitty the ending is, I don’t know how to end things if you couldn’t tell 🤭🤭 anyway just a little smth (I spent like five days on it cause it would delete or I wasn’t happy with it) for my main boy Matthias Helvar.

#enjoy the movie ׂׂૢ: ̗̀➛✧.*#six of crows x reader #six of crows x you #kaz brekker #grishaverse #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #nina zenik #six of crows #matthias helvar #Matthias Helvar x Reader

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incorrectklavekatz · 10 months

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The crows as cards cause I’m bored and why not, as usual my asks are open and I’m always happy to answer!!! Possible ROW and CK spoilers??? Obviously SOC spoilers

Kaz: king of clubs, symbolises strength, power and determination, his ambition towards taking down Rollins, and his effectiveness in doing so, as well as his power by the time ROW occurs in him having two people on the merchant council, the queen of fjerda and the wraith on the seas, in play can be useful, but in most cases doesn’t do much if the rest of the hand is shit, he needs his crows

Inej: Queen of spades, I was going to make her and Kaz match but I’d rather give her an individual one, symbolises intelligence, practical and intellectual, plans ahead of time, inej is always the one in the crows to provide insight to their issues, no matter how cryptic it may be at times, and she shows her ability to understand the consequences of all of their actions better than the other crows several times, in play a black queen can change the game if not countered by a red one

Nina: queen of hearts, pretty obvious as it is, heartrender, queen of fjerda, symbolises a powerful woman who is commanding and has a strong presence yet is compassionate, caring and protective of those she loves, her taking the parem to save the others in coming out of the ice court, as well as generally just being there for the crows in their times of need while still being a very independent and strong female character, in play can be incredibly useful for saving a hand

Matthias: king of hearts, symbolises honesty and spirituality, obviously spirituality to djel and his honesty about changing who he was to be a better man, and admitting that what he did was wrong along with coming to terms with how he was raised and how that effected him and how he treats others, also symbolises a kind gentle man, which he became because of Nina, sparing the boy who shot him, in play again not very useful unless the rest of the hand is good

Wylan: Ace of diamonds, symbolises a financial increase and can indicate a message from a new lover, his claiming of his inheritance from his father, and Jespers role in helping him achieve and maintain that inheritance with reading to him, in play can change the stakes of the game and is very fluid compared to other cards in what it can do, as well as changing the suit to how it sees fit regardless of the suit being played, changing to look like kuwei, asking to be beaten up further for dramatic effect etc

Jesper: Jack of Diamonds, symbolises youth, energy and potential, “maybe he was a bullet in a chamber, waiting to be given direction”, it can also symbolise future financial instability, his gambling, and can be used to represent an unfaithful employee, when he accidentally ratted them out to the dime lions, in play isn’t extremely helpful and generally can benefit the person before the player more than the player themselves, heavily depends on the other cards in the hand, much like how Jesper often puts trying not to disappoint others above his own general well-being and mental health

+ Bonus kuwei: ace of spades, mirrors Wylan, symbolises death, darkness and mystery, parem causing death, hiding in the tomb, nobody really knowing much about him, but can also represent new beginnings, fresh starts and rebirth, moving to Ravka and changing his name to fix his fathers mistakes, arguably one of the most important cards in play, can change the game entirely based on its high place on the list of outcomes on rolling the dice or drawing from a deck of cards chance, can also symbolise power, luck and triumph, whoever was ‘in possession’ of kuwei was winning the game

If anybody has any other opinions on this please let me know!! Also I am aware that technically they have all already been assigned cards in the collectors edition art for crooked kingdom but these are my own takes, might do an analysis post on their cards assigned in the official art if anybody is interested <333 also will do any other characters in the SOC duology and maybe some from the SAB trilogy if asked!!!

#I haven’t played card games much recently so if my analysis on how they work in play is off #ignore me #my cards and dice have been confiscated #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #wylan van eck #wylan hendricks #matthias helvar #nina zenik #kuwei yul bo #six of crows #crooked kingdom #shadow and bone #kanej #helnik #wesper #incorrect klave talks

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whimperandabang · 1 year

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six of crows + “you can never go home“

originally i was going to write this in the tags of this post, but i hit tag limit before i even got halfway through. so i’m making it its own post.

the idea of “you can never go home” is core to each of the six crows which is why it’s such a jewish story. if you don’t want to read through my long rants, here’s the short version:

kanej can never go home because the children who belonged in their homes are dead.

jesper can never go home because to him, home represents shame. wylan does go home, but his homecoming is born from being set adrift much the same way as the other crows are.

helnik can never go home because their loyalty to their homes has wavered, and they can never come back from that.

ok rant time. first: kaz. kaz can never go back to his original home outside of lij because the boy who belongs there is kaz rietveld, and kaz rietveld is dead. maybe you could call ketterdam his new home - he probably would - but that’s even more tragic in a way, isn’t it? he’s so tied down to ketterdam. he’s unable to return to one home and unable to leave the other. (shameless self promotion time: my wip the sower explores this; it probably won’t be published on ao3 for a long while but if you’re interested to know what that’s about and get progress updates + teasers you can check out my fanfiction sideblog @tealquills, everything related to that wip should be under the tag “the sower”.)

now inej. my favorite diaspora girl. inej can never go home because of who she’s become - “a suli girl who had become a killer”. she can’t unbecome the dangerous girl, the girl with claws who names knives after saints. she can’t unbecome the wraith. and the wraith doesn’t belong in the suli caravans. the girl who did “died in the hold of a slaver ship”. she loves her family deeply and wants to be with them and still be loved by them, but she cannot go back home with them. the wraith can’t settle, especially because she always seeks justice. she’s no longer complacent, and she could not bear complacency. she feels purpose and drive to save others from what she endured at the menagerie. between these two things, is it any wonder she takes to the sea?

jesper can’t go home because his home is too entwined with feelings of boredom and shame. after aditi’s death, the monotony of farm life became unbearable. the shame and guilt associated with his durast abilities became unbearable. most of all, the grief became unbearable. it was no longer viable for him to live in novyi zem, at home with his father who loved him so much and failed him so profoundly. and so he went to kerch, and there was no going back.

for wylan, too, home is a place entwined with shame. jan van eck made him feel ashamed for his disability, building up intense feelings of worthlessness and guilt. wylan’s story is interesting in that he does go home, quite literally. he ends up living in van eck’s manor with jesper. in this way, he’s not really living a “you can never go home” story arc the same way as the other crows. but that idea is still core to his character, because for awhile, it was true. after the attempted murder on the boat, wylan had no home. he was set adrift in the same way kaz was after using jordie’s corpse as a raft, in the same way inej was after her time in the menagerie, in the same way jesper was after aditi’s death. wylan can only find his way home again after he experienced what it was to be without a home, and he will always carry that with him.

nina can’t go home because she’s realized she wants a life beyond that of a soldier, and ravka will never give her that. through matthias, she learns to aspire to peace and betterment rather than being a cog in the machine. she loves her country, but she can never quite be loyal to it in the same way again. the world but specifically ravka and fjerda will never let her and matthias be more than grisha and drüskelle, and she can’t accept that. even in king of scars and rule of wolves when she’s working for the ravkan government again, she can’t stay long. she goes to fjerda, and while she’s there, she takes up matthias’s mission. she starts building bridges. she tries to end the war. she falls in love again.

and finally, matthias. oh, my tragic boy. matthias can never go home because... well. you know. after coming to love nina, he can never be truly loyal to fjerda again, but it’s still his country. he spends all of six of crows and crooked kingdom trying to find a way to reconcile the truly awful parts of the country he calls home with everything that he believes makes it worth saving. he wants to go home so badly in a way that even inej can’t quite match. but in the end, he can’t go home because his wants are not enough. because one man’s personal journey cannot save an entire nation. because his love redeems him, but it can’t redeem fjerda.

#six of crows #crooked kingdom #six of crows duology #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar

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kahlanmars · 6 months

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PAPER RINGS part. 5

Ehi, I felt like I needed to know a bit of Marjorie's pov so... enjoy!

MASTERLIST

5. Marjorie

MARJORIE’S POINT OF VIEW

Marjorie. Marjorie. My name is Marjorie, not Inez.

Marjorie Tyrell, the daughter of the baker.

Now, the name of the baker is not Caiys Tyrell, it's Mellark. Matthias Mellark, I used to know him, he was my father's apprentice. A young boy, a little younger than me, with golden hair and blue eyes. My father wanted us married, but my eyes weren't for him and he had a huge crush on another blonde girl.

Peeta Mellark, I don't know him. His son. Not with the blonde girl. He looks a little like his father, but less melancholic, Matthias always had a look that screamed “I don’t want to be here”.

Matthias is dead, with his wife and his other sons. Also Atilius Everdeen, and most of the friends I had when I was in Twelve.

I still can’t believe I’m in Twelve again. The day I left I was sixteen, frightened and crushed by the death of my parents.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I went to sleep exhausted from the work in the bakery, but happy because Haymitch was alive, he won the Hunger Games and he was going home in a few days. The plan was always the same for every couple in the district: a wedding, a long marriage and maybe a kid, even if the thought of having a kid with a victor was dangerous.

Haymitch. I loved him so much, and I was a little girl who dreamed about simple dreams. I made him beg for months before giving him a kiss. I regret it now, but it was a good costume for a good girl, and he was quite a looker, there were stories about him and girls in the meadow, more than one. I was coming from a wealthy family for the district’s standard and he was from the seam, my father was not pleased, I was the only daughter, I was supposed to marry well. But my father loved me and after a moment of uncertainty he gave up, as long as I was happy. That night, I was happy.

That night everything fell.

I woke up screaming, fire all around me and the smoke was so heavy I couldn’t see anything. I screamed for my mom, my papa, but nobody answered until I fainted, sure I was going to die.

I died, in a way. Part of me is still sixteen, trapped in that small bed on fire.

Thirteen saved me instead. They were planning to use me as a leverage for Haymitch, to force his hand to join the cause. I don’t know why the plan didn’t proceed, maybe he was too young or… I don’t know. I didn’t know at the time, I was in the hospital, severely traumatized. A nurse, a lovely woman named Carol, suggested that I abandon my name for another one. I refused for months, too proud, because Marjorie was a family name, my grandmother’s name. But when I finally understood I was never going to return to Twelve, I asked for advice on the new name.

She didn’t answer, but her son did. “I like Inez”, he simply said, “It comes from a ballad, she is not the nicest but she has character”. He was visiting his mother at work, I was only in the hospital and I didn’t see him before. And with that, Antonius was in my life.

It was a year after my death. The more he came to visit me, the more I felt guilty about Haymitch. I watched him on television on a regular basis, and the feelings that were growing for Antonius were cheating.

Antonius was the opposite of him. His hair was dark and his eyes hazel, he wasn’t tall and he was very, very thin, but his smile was contagious and he was always in a happy mood. He asked me out for a long time, but I always explained I wasn’t free, I had a fiancé and I was loyal to him. He was patient, but he looked at me like he was pitying me. Then, one day, he dared.

“But… Marjorie was promised. Inez is not.”

I don’t know if I loved him like I loved Haymitch. At sixteen I was a little girl who dreamed about a wedding and I was content to have what my mother had, and I cared for him like a sixteen year old could do. I was jealous of the other girls at school, and I cherished the ribbons I gave him like a wedding ring.

I’m trying not to say I was stupid, but I was at least naivé.

At eighteen, despite being still young, I was a woman with a conscience and I was carrying baggage that wasn’t light, and Antonius was my rock. We got married in October, a year later, I had a beautiful white dress and a pearl necklace. I followed Carol’s path and became her apprentice first, and then a nurse like her. Everything went fine for a bit.

Then the plague crushed us.

It was a pox outbreak. Carol died first, and I was so sad because she became like a second mother to me, and we were so worried that I might catched it since I worked in a hospital, but then Antonius started coughing.

I remember the sensation. Like everything was falling again. I remember the sadness, the darkest moment of my life, I remember the anger, don’t you dare dying on me, my love, don’t you dare lose me. I remember discovering the hard truth that I was alone again.

I remember his eyes becoming vitreous, his face paler.

I screamed for hours, I refused to let go of his body. I tried to scratch the guards, to hurt them like I was hurt. I wanted to die with him.

Maybe it would’ve been better.

The following years have been a struggle both to live and to tell. It was hard to go out of the bed, hard to eat, hell, even hard to breathe, but the district had their rules and I was a nobody.

Then rumors about the revolution spreaded again. I watched Haymitch on television every year, and I noticed the change in his appearance. I knew him as a handsome boy with a smug expression on his face, and now he was a broken man.

I thought Katniss and Peeta’s year would have been the hardest to watch, because for the first time in twenty years Twelve had a chance of winning, but then Daisy Pinecone came the year after.

I liked her at first, she seemed like a sweet girl, and she was Holly’s daughter so I wanted her alive, but she looked like she had a few chances. Too kind, with her princess dresses and flowers in her hair, waving and smiling like she was a movie star rather than a tribute to the Hunger Games.

The interview has been one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. Daisy giggling and telling Caesar and the cameras that she was in love with a man from her district, Clark’s revelation, all was followed by Thirteen citizens staring at me like I was a poor sad old woman. Pitying me.

It wasn’t right to hold it against him. I had Antonius, I loved him, I was a widow and not his widow. Still, I couldn’t help trying to find out as much as I could. The magazines Thirteen used to steal for information helped me a lot. Apparently, Daisy was his housekeeper. Daisy was twenty four years old and he was forty one. Daisy was head over heels for him, and Daisy was beautiful.

When I saw him again I thought I was hallucinating. He thought the same thing, and for a while I let him believe that. I couldn’t think now I’d have my chance, and at the same time I was feeling guilty about Antonius.

I knew from the start Haymitch wasn’t going to replace him. Inez was married to him, I built a life with him, we were planning on having children together, we dreamed about a girl, he would have loved the name “Ivy”. I liked the name because ivy is a plant, and in district Twelve it is common to use the plant's names. It reminded me of home. At night we used to describe her, to describe our family, how everything was going to change because Thirteen would have been free soon and our daughter could have run in the grass, carefree like only a child could be.

Nothing happened, and every time I looked at Haymitch I felt the sting of the guilt hitting me.

Haymitch was changed. He wasn’t the young man I fell in love with, he was a broken man just like I was a broken woman. He was yellow from the drunk addiction, he shaked badly and his moods were swinging like a chandelier. He wasn’t an easy man.

I could see he tried, he really tried. He tried not to be angry with me because I left him, he thought I was dead and for years he didn’t dare to be with another woman because he thought everyone he touched was going to be hurt.

He tried to be in love with me, and not to the memories he had of me. And he tried to reprime the feelings he had for Daisy.

He failed.

The only good thing that came out of the revolution is Holly Pinecone. The fifteen year old girl who used to babysit you, the nineteen year old friend who lost you, found you again. Holly was still resolute, strong and determined, she was a rock.

Daisy, on the other hand, was insufferable. I believe some of this sentiment is due to jealousy, but I still don’t like her from the bottom of my heart. She is entitled, spoiled, she believes everyone should love her just because her face is pretty and she has doe eyes, she is incapable of taking the blame even once and she is so shallow and superficial you would believe she is from Capitol City.

Haymitch says “Yes” to everything she proposes, he follows her around like a lovesick puppy. Chaff mocks him with a motto, “What Daisy wants Daisy has” and he is completely right. You don’t get it, you don’t get how a person like this could be loved by Haymitch. But she saved my life and I owed her that, she could have left me to die in that room and then create a story about it. And she gave me a new purpose, she gave me Ivy.

Ivy is the light of my life. That blonde girl is perfect and every bone in my body wants to protect her. Sometimes I forget she is not mine by blood, now she begins to have mine gestures, and she calls me mom.

After the revolution I thought everything was going to be okay. It’s not.

I can’t be a nurse in Twelve without the folders from Thirteen, and Thirteen now has bigger problems than me (not to mention Thirteen is not fond of Twelve right now). I don’t have much money, because in Thirteen you don’t need them, the food is free and you have to work for the district, not for you. I have two pieces of clothes because for years I just had a uniform, so Holly had to help me. And as much as I love the place where I was born, I’m not used to it anymore. The sun hurts me after half an hour, there are too many people, it’s unbearable most of the time.

Haymitch quickly becomes the only friend I have except for Holly. He is quiet, silent and he is not coping well with her absence, but he is also caring and he is doing everything in his power to help me.

I don’t know why I did what I did. Maybe because I saw them at the hob yesterday. Stealing kisses like teenagers, giggling for everything and nothing, and she was on him, sitting on his lap and eating from his plate, feeding him in a restaurant. Undignified. Embarrassing. I don’t have that anymore, I don’t have Antonius and it’s not right. It may not be the kindest thought, and I may not be the kindest person but I lost everything and it hurts.

I don’t know why I kissed him. I’m not even sure I love him anymore. I love sixteen year old Haymitch. But seeing him with another person, with her of all people…

I didn’t plan it. I’m not an evil mastermind, I just forgot Ivy’s teddy bear picking her up earlier and she was crying her heart out and I needed to sleep so bad. But when I knocked at the door his blue eyes were sparkling and I instantly knew something was wrong, because it’s Haymitch and he rarely cries, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry. When he told me he got into a fight with Daisy I, I stopped thinking. Everything I wanted was there, a stitch to fix everything that went wrong in my life. He could have fixed everything. He could have become a great father for Ivy, a good husband for me.

But of course Daisy had to be back in that exact moment. Of course she had to see it and be hurt and it doesn't matter if she did the same thing to me months ago, because she is in the right and I’m in the wrong.

And now, I’m the bitch. The slut. The woman who didn’t understand the situation, and Haymitch even talk to me anymore.

DAISY’S POINT OF VIEW

You don’t want to get up. You don’t want to show up and smile and nod, you just want to stay under the cover to think about your memories.

Yesterday morning, all you have to do is go back to yesterday morning. Just a little step. You remember going into the house with Haymitch, so happy you were back for a whole week instead of two days. You remember his callous big hands stripping you from your clothes and your jeans and top on the floor, his shirt on a chair, his trousers soon following, your giggles and his moans.

Cuddling after sex was something he never did before you, he confessed one day, and you are very proud of it. You are a cuddler, this is extremely important for you but you suspect he is fond of it too now. When you tried to get out of the bed he quickly tightened the grip.

«My love…» He whispers in your ear, knowing too well how it affects you. He doesn’t say these words often, he calls you Sweetheart or Gorgeous, but not “Love”. “Love” is for the important things. Like when he really, really missed you.

«We have to get ready! For the restaurant!» You remind him, but he dismisses it. His nose is in your hair and you can feel his consent sigh. You want to see his blue eyes that become mysteriously gray when they are full of emotions, but you are cozy like this. The little spoon. Always the little spoon.

«The sheets are more comfortable. You are more comfortable.» He murmurs, physically shielding you from everything. This is the Haymitch you prefer: protective, loving and naked in your bed. His arms are around you and his kisses are soft against your raven hair. A week, a whole week without him.

«The food will be tasty. Think about it, delicious meals and an exquisite dessert… don’t you want to devour it?» You don’t miss the bite he playfully gives you or the bulge in his boxers growing against your core. «Am I turning you on talking about food, Mr. Abernathy?»

This is not really his fault, when you talk to him your voice usually becomes a seductive purr. You wonder if there will be a time when you’ll speak like a normal person to him, even annoyed sometimes. There will come a time when you’ll stop preparing for hours before meeting him? When you’ll stop searching his gaze to see if he is watching you, or you won’t need him close during a party? You don’t know. Definitely not now.

«You always turn me on, Mrs. Abernathy.» He answers you, his hands going south and if you weren’t still recovering from a shattering orgasm you would be attacking him much worse right now.

«That’s flattering and I will gladly take care of it later, right now I’m hungry.» You remind him. The weekends and your week in Twelve is the only time you can eat properly, and you don’t miss the irony in this. You can eat in Twelve and you starve in the Capitol.

«Let me kiss this pout first…» The giggles that follow are so undignified and goofy it would be embarrassing if someone sees the scene. But you feel really, really happy and when you are happy you like to joke.

«Would you love me if I was a worm?» You ask him, sure he will call you crazy. This is a routine question, and you don’t really need to know it, you just want to annoy him a little. He is hot when he glares at you.

«Born a worm or transformed?» He wants to know instead. He is patting your hair and you lift your head to see him better. To be fair he is glaring at you, but with a look that mixes mockery and fondness. As he is thinking “She is crazy but she is my girlfriend and I love her”.

«Transformed. By a wicked witch.» You invent.

«Then yes. Well, no. I mean, I would protect the worm but it wouldn’t be you anymore.» That makes sense, but it’s not the answer you want from him. Still, he is not the romantic type so you can settle for it. Honestly you’d never thought he could have been such a great boyfriend.

«What if I’m screaming inside the worm’s mind?»

«Then you would be the cutest worm and I will buy you an apple.» He concludes with a kiss on your lips. «You are insane, that’s what you are.»

«You really love me.» You state, with something quite like surprise. He must really love you to put up with this. Not only the conversation, but the cleaning too, the cooking, and the efforts to stay calm in every discussion.

«Yeah, Sweetheart, usually when you marry someone you love them. It would be annoying otherwise.» His tone is mocking, but his eyes are telling the truth. His eyes are sparkling and in this moment you really believe he will love you for worse or for better.

«No, I mean I know but sometimes, like now… I feel it.»

Was it real? He didn’t show up. You almost hoped he would show up in Four, maybe Finnick asked him to, maybe not. You know he called Effie, but not him. Well, if Effie knows it it means he can know where you are.

But you slapped him, a voice remembers you. You feel so guilty about the slap, you feel like you are a bad person.

But he kissed Marjorie.

You always joke about how pretty a girl or a boy is, mostly with him, because you like to see him jealous. You would never act on it, though. He is the love of your life and no one can compare, for you it’s pretty simple. Everyone else is too boring, too… not enough, maybe. Not enough blond, not enough tall, not enough Haymitch.

For him it’s not the same, apparently. And yet you are sure he loved you, so what changed? Is your relationship just about sex now? Is it all over? You want someone who gives you the answers, but you won’t find anybody because only you and him know it. Or maybe just him, because you don’t feel like you know much right now.

Marjorie is fitter for him. She is his age, and this is honestly too much of a fairy tale. They were separated, they reunited, happy ending, the end. Like in one of the movies you like so much. And who are you in this narration? The step along the line, just before the destination? Or are you the wicked witch in the story, and she is the worm?

She is not the bad guy, you have to remember that. Well now you hate her, but if Haymitch really kissed her too, he is the one to blame.

You miss him. You miss being in his arms, telling him about stupid things during the day, you miss his humming when he cooks and you even miss the stupid geese. And you want to know better the cat, who is already so attached to Haymitch you don’t think you will ever compare.

You get it, you grow attached quickly too.

«Come on Daisy, wake up.»

Finnick’s voice actually wakes you up a little, just because you feel guilty. You see him and Annie in the kitchen, his blue luggage against the door, but they are hugging. Finn is sleeping, you’ve never seen such a calm baby before.

All the Victor’s houses are pretty much the same, but theirs is near the ocean, so it’s windy and chilly in the morning. You hug your cardigan close to your chest, but you feel the cold in your bones.

«Are you sure you don’t want to come, my love?» He asks Annie, who shakes her head. She is always so grateful, and especially today in her cobalt blue dress. She looks like a fairy.

«Mags will help me here, and she says she is hosting Tigris, so she will be here too.» Oh, Tigris. You wish you could say hello to her. Tigris was a stylist too before President Snow got rid of her, she trained Cinna and Portia, you bet she could teach you something too. «I hate Capitol City.»

«You don’t have to accompany me.» You remind Finnick. You don’t like that he comes with you and without Annie. You admit you rushed into his arms because he is your friend and you do have the tendency of saving each other, but you thought he and Annie would have given you a cup of tea and some cookies. Finnick decided he had to come with you to the city instead, to help you settle your life there.

«I need to do some stuff in the city anyway, I’ll do it now.»

«Don’t worry Daisy, I can handle it.» Annie adds. You know Annie is strong, but she is also fragile, severely traumatized and Finnick is a great help. You suppose Mags will enjoy her time with her grandson, anyway. And Tigris will help too. You can’t give an age to Tigris, but if she knew Snow from her childhood she must be eighty-something.

Finnick wants to “rescue you”, he wants you to have fun so you won’t think about him. It doesn’t work that way, but it can’t be this wrong to try it.

On the train you want to sleep a little more, to dream a little more, but he doesn’t concede it to you.

«Effie will host me.» He informs you, and he hands you a bag of chips. You didn’t eat a bag of chips in months, if Capitol City is the only place where you can find them - surely not in Twelve - in the fashion environment this food is considered a sin.

«Poor Effie. Maybe I can pay you a room in a hotel, I have money now.» Well not much. You spent a lot on the wedding, to help Holly and on Effie’s meals, and life in the Capitol is so expensive you didn’t save much. But it’s not right that she hosts him because of you, she is so kind but she’s not working right now.

Well, maybe this is the thing you can focus on. You can help your friends. This way you won’t think about Haymitch and you will do good. You have read a book about this one time and you are sure it ended well. Perla is okay right now, with a new job and a new relationship, but Lora and Effie are the priority.

«Effie adores me.» He counters, and you know what he is doing. He is trying to distract you, and it’s not exactly working but his eyes are so pleading you decide to humor him. He doesn’t need to do all this, the fact that he tries only proves he is a great friend.

«Effie adores me more.» You still deadpan, because Effie is yours.

«I don’t think so, you are just the youngest child.»

«You are so jealous!» And you are jealous too, like you can be jealous of a big sister during a birthday party.

«I’m simply stating facts.» He is not, you are definitely the favorite. «To be serious, though… I always liked her. She was an escort and let me tell you, escorts were not that good. She has always been kind. Capitol, yes, so she was brainwashed and sometimes she showed it, but she was never mean. Not intentionally at least.»

«She sounds like Effie.» You smile. Effie Trinket will always be a mystery for you. How can a person so shallow and superficial can also be selfless and generous? She grew up rich in a lavish environment, and yet she can be compassionate and she empathizes, she is kind, but she is self-absorbed. You have her flaws too, not really sure about her qualities.

«It is rare that someone from Capitol City is so nice. When I was fourteen and I won, most of them watched me like I was a price, not a person. She always saw me as a kid.» You remember his speech in Thirteen and you suppress the urge to hug him, because he would see it as pity and hate it.

«Can’t you do something for her? I mean me and Haymitch, the government hates us now, but you are still just a hero. She is not in a good place right now. She needs a job! She has always had a job, when she was a teenager she started modeling and then she became an escort. She doesn’t cope well with the fact that she can’t work now. And nobody is going to employ her, because she is the last escort alive and blah blah blah.»

You are really worked up in your speech and when you see him he is watching you like you have two heads. But he doesn’t understand, you just need a program and then you will fix everything.

«And you want me to…?»

«Bribe someone.» You answer bluntly. «Of course you can’t tell her, she needs to think she did it on her own. And in a fair world she would do it so it’s okay, it’s not lying it’s… manipulating fate a little. But for a good cause.»

He rolls his eyes. You can understand his doubts, you two grew up in a world where those who broke the law got their tongue cut. «That’s against the law.»

«I know but she is Effie. Our Effie! She would do it for you.»

«I’ll try, okay? I’ll try. But I don’t promise you anything, Daisy, I have no guarantee. I’m still from the districts.»

Try is okay. You can make it happen. Everybody will be happy and you won’t think about your… is he your ex? About Haymitch.

Part one of the mission is on.

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