#Oops! All Alien Eggs

[factorialsotherfandoms]

[top disclaimer - I saw yesterday's whumptober prompt of worked to exhaustion and remembered a bit of my xcom2 with qsmp characters playthrough I keep meaning to type up at least tidier notes for. I haven't yet, but this is a pair of scenes 47 pages in to my 90 pages of notes. Hopefully enough of this makes sense... TLDR: Mike was kidnapped, there's been 2 awful missions in a row where many people get hurt, etc. Warnings for major character injuries, though there are no graphic descriptions.]

It's been a two days since Bogota. If Philza never sees another sewer again, it will be far too soon. Tiny scabs from where the Spectre sent its bugs all through his body still cover every bit of skin, and the larger lazer burns remain bandaged tightly.

Fit is visiting, looking even more exhausted than Philza feels. He's brought snacks, and gossip, and will not go back to bed no matter how much Philza suggests it. It's not like Philza would be lonely - Missa and Roier's mission had also been a bit of a wreck, the entire team of six also in the medical ward for the immediate future at least. Chayanne, too, is about, the young boy currently curled up and asleep on the foot of Missa's bed.

Must be terrifying for the kid, to be rescued from hell only to see both new parents in the hospital in a few days of each other. For Bobby, too; Jaiden was also on the mission with Missa and Roier.

Still, Fit is here, so they make small talk. There's not a whole lot happening on the ship, but they can pretend.

The curtain lifts up, and Philza expects either Chayanne or the Doctor. Instead he sees Cellbit, looking about as close to passing out as Fit. His uniform is smart but his hair is a mess from running his hands through it too often, his face is near gaunt, and his fingers shake where they cling to his tablet.

"Fit, Philza." Cellbit nods to them both.

Philza's wave comes with a wince, Fit's salute with an "oi there what's up?"

"I'm really sorry to interrupt, but we need you for something. Fit, that is. We need Fit."

"What is it?" Fit groans as he tries to peer at Cellbit's clipboard.

The paperwork is hastily tucked away, "there's an opportunity that's come up. We need you to go undercover and get some research done."

"You're fucking joking," Philza immediately cuts in, one arm protectively covering the largest of his wounds, while the other grabs on to Fit. "Cellbit, we just got back from Bogota. You know how bad Bogota was. There's no way in hell this is safe. And everyone who was in Kaduna? Can't it wait a week"

Cellbit at least has the decency to look genuinely apologetic, "if there was another option…"

"What is it?" Fit removes Philza's arm from his own. "I'm not really in top condition; if you just need shit blowing up, Vegetta's a little better off."

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" Philza asks. "At least then our armour upgrades will be done."

"Phil," Fit's voice drops a little.

Philza knows what being scolded for being overprotective sounds like, but Fit is his friend. His friend, who he dragged through hell, and has been dragged through hell by, and he trusts with his soul.

"It's Mike," Cellbit says, and that has both of them shut up. "We think we have a lead, but from the glimpses our contacts got during the transfer... It doesn't look good. Here."

Fit is handed a tablet, and shown whatever evidence the resistance has found.

"Fuck," Fit whispers the word, rubbing at his face. "There's nobody else?"

Philza is handed the tablet. It's a very short video clip, slightly corrupted. Still it's very clearly Mike, bloody and disorientated and still fighting as he's dragged from one transport van to another. He manages to bite a guard, and for it gets cracked over the head, goes limp and is tossed into the van.

He hands the tablet back, and tries not to think about the implications, or how they probably don't have as much time as this needs.

Instead he runs through the options: Jaiden and the team she took to Kaduna are back, but every one of them is in hospital with him. Forever, Tubbo, and Aypierre are needed on the ship. Mouse is still exhausted, even more dangerous for psi ops than the rest of them to push it. Cellbit himself still has one arm in a sling, and probably should not have left medical yet. A couple of other people, but most are too inexperienced to be sent out in just a duo for what will likely be a multi-week stealth operation. There's Baghera and Foolish, both experienced, but neither is much good at hacking. Which. Will probably be needed, to confirm which facility has Mike, and for how long.

There's Pac, of course, and Philza would put Pac on being the other half of the planned team. Ever since Mike was captured best part of two months ago, Pac has been on one ground mission - and there have been a lot of ground mission. The problem is, without Mike, Pac can be... Not volatile, volatile is Mike when Pac is critically injured and dying on the floor and Mike is too terrified to let anyone past to stabalise him, but reckless. Only with his own safety, but that's a problem itself.

Add in that Pac was /also/ on the mission in Bogota, still recovering from the sheer exhaustion of the test... Philza really wishes anyone else were available.

"There's Pac," Cellbit offers, also frowning. "He found out and wants in."

"If Pac's going, you need to go." The words taste like ash on Philza's tongue. "If it were not about Mike…"

Cellbit nods in agreement.

They can't keep Pac from going after Mike, and the purpose of a mission is impossible to keep secret for long with thirty-odd people crammed into one airship. Forever wouldn't be willing to, either. And to get Mike back but have lost Pac... They cannot do that either.

And Pac needs a stabalising hand with Mike gone, someone to keep him from shattering completely. There's a reason every mission he's been on since, Fit has been there. There's good reason, and everyone knows it.

Fit misses Mike like a limb, too, Philza knows.

Fit sigh, and stretches, and rubs his face, "I hate when you're right. Do I have time for a nap?"

"You leave in twenty minutes, but it's a long flight," Cellbit does seem apologetic, for all he runs his hands through his whitening hair. "The real problem is it's in Australia."

"Fucking hell," Fit groans. "They really didn't want us finding him, did they?"

"But we did," Cellbit reminds them, with a flash of his slightly too sharp teeth. "And they won't keep him. Once we have the coordinates, Forever'll send someone to help you get in and out."

Philza and Fit share a look. Fit looks like the exhaustion has seeped into his soul. It's a danger, going out in the field so tired. To himself, to others, to everyone.

But sometimes, he supposes, there really is no other choice.

Fit breaks eye contact first, "I'll kit up and be at the hanger in ten. Who's briefing us?"

"Not sure yet. Forever's still working out the details, so probably him?"

"A'ight," Fit turns to Philza. "See you later, big boy."

Philza rolls his eyes to mask his concern. "Just don't fall asleep on the job."

He gets flipped off; Philza laughs, and lets them leave.

Two weeks later, Pac and Fit come back - not someone joins them, they come back. They have Mike's location, and an entry point, and the head cracking didn't kill him, but he's being tortured and there's talk of disposing of him soon. Philza wishes that was the worst of it, though, he really does; most people's injuries have recovered so getting a team together won't take long. It's serious, but they can handle it. Hell, he'll voluenteer.

No, the worst of the report is that Pac gives it alone; Fit was rushed straight to medical as soon as they land. He is alive - conscious even - but the wounds are still severe.

Didn't hear a Viper coming, Pac says, was caught and constricted and had his rib cage crushed. And then used a grenade to force it to let go, dropping it at his own feet to force the alien to let go. Pac had been hacking at the time, getting the info they needed, and didn't notice anything until Fit was snatched from the door.

Fit didn't hear it, or so Pac says, too tired, too caught up in exhaustion to hear the threat until it was too late.

And Philza, Philza wishes he was surprised.

#qsmp fanfic #alternate universe - alien invasion #is this xcom2 crossover fic when I still haven't written the reports up? #yes oops #what immediately follows this is rescuing Mike #and Fit is fine in a bit with near-future medicine plus alien drugs #he's less badly off than phil at the start of the fic #but its a thing #not all of the eggs are actually around yet - ramon is notably missing in this fic but it might actually be just chayanne and bobby atm #I forget the exact order of who was where #qsmp x xcom

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Binoculars

Debut: Super Mario 3D Land

Wow! What a large and crisp render of Binoculars. This is more than a lot of enemies get. And it's all for Binoculars!

It is nice to see binoculars as an installed apparatus for public use. It reminds me of those binoculars that are sometimes at parks or zoos where you can put in a quarter and get a limited amount of time to look at ducks more closely. Let's look!

Wow! There's a North American Ruddy Duck! in this pond! That's my favorite duck! The blue of the male's bill is probably my favorite color, and they are so cute, especially with their funny proportions. Their head looks too small for their body, but their feet look too BIG for the rest of them! Their feet are large and further back on their body because they are divers who swim down to find food, unlike the dabbling ducks, which keep their butts above the water while foraging. Oops! I forgot that this is a Mario Post and that we aren't actually watching ducks at a pond!

Anyway I just found out those kinds of binoculars are called Tower Viewers. More like Quacker Viewers. Ok on to Mario for real now! Mario, sadly, does not view ducks with these binoculars. They are free, however, which is nice! I'm glad there are ways for everyone to enjoy the Mushroom Kingdom's landscapes at a distance and at no costs. In fact, Mario is sometimes rewarded for using them, as a Toad will throw him a Star Medal upon being seen! A Toad who really wants to bee looked at and goes HAH BAH.

Mario can also see a UFO through the binoculars sometimes! This is often brought up as a Creepy Easter Egg despite the fact that aliens have been present in this franchise since 1989!

With all that about the 3D Land binoculars out of the way, I am really here to say that the binoculars in Odyssey are BETTER. They look like ROB, and overall are a Funny Robot, so they are obviously better by default! They even move around on their own as if they are looking around, and they are really so good at looking, since they are binoculars. I think the binoculars themselves are bird enthusiasts and watch them in delight constantly!

These binoculars even have LORE as seen in the art book, and shared by Suppermariobroth! They are made by the same company as the 3D Land binoculars, and are an older model not capable of stereoscopic 3D! They were installed by the sightseeing company for onsite investigation, and someone has to come and collect the logs from the devices every so often. I seriously love this all sooo much! It is so cute and wonderful that they put this much thought into humble little Binoculars! BinocuLORE!

I would now like to talk about just how these binoculars work! Upon being Captured, they shoot up using spray propulsion (not jet propulsion!!!) and let Mario scope out the area from the sky! Mario got extremely lucky that he happened across these specific binoculars when he happened to have the ability to Capture them, because anyone else using this would be in extreme danger. Please hang on tight!

Binoculars most recently appear in Super Nintendo World, where they are now real! They use the 3D Land design, which makes sense knowing it is canonically the modern design. You can even look at certain things to get little rewards just like in the game! Super Mario in real life! Wa Who!

#binoculars #super mario 3d land #super mario odyssey #super nintendo world #mario #mod chikako

[kazeharuhime]

Thanks to @authoroflight for the original template! (Though I might have customized it beyond recognizability ksdjgnsd)

2023... I got a lot of art done this year compared to past years! Though the year started out slow, between trades and commissions, the first quarter of the year somehow managed to have at least one good drawing a month, even if March's old-sketch-paintover looks a little strange next to all the creatures. XD; May and June continued the theme of painting over old, though June's original was considerably newer than May's. It also took me forever to find it!! Several of the ones I'd been going to put for June turned out to be from different months (no date on them so was going by modified date at first, oops!). And in July of course there was the Clysmia comic, August with the Choco 'comic'. September was another low but I managed to churn out another paintover. October of course had my annual flower-drawing saga with the last one featured here, and in November I got bored and drew Comet, and December held a delightful surprise in the form of a book-illustrating commission. :3 Gonna keep that one to just a preview since it's part of something that'll be published.

But! Let's go through all the rest. Keep reading for more on the rest of the pieces.

January - This was a secret santa for my good friend @toothpaste-dragon of her OC Baz! Love this grumpy crust of an alien. :D You can view the full pic here.

February - This was a commission from @dreagonarchives of her guy Guido! Full pic: x

March - Paintover I did of my character Sleepi from Torn Apart! Since it was done over an older pic the style looks a little incongruent from my current style 😅 But this was also almost a year a go now, so, y'know.

April - My half of a design trade with @chrystallink! Doggos are a bit of a challenge for me, but it was a fun one! Full pic: x

May - A fittingly sunny pic of my character Nola. This was another one that I think had started from a paintover and just went places from there. Still a little strange-looking, but oh well. Plus a photo of some sunflowers in the background. XD

June: Progress pic of an absolute freak. An attempt was made to sketch out a hand to keep it from hiding, but I never did get back to this pic... 😂

July: As mentioned above, a comic for my good friend Dia featuring her gal Clysmia!

August: The tail end of a final ArtFight attack against Chocobir! I had so much fun putting in on the Easter eggs, and Choco is so cute!

September: The suave business lizard himself, it's Nell! Another one that's painted over an older sketch. Overall I think I improved the face shape a bit since the sketch? Maybe?

October: The final flower from Floratober 2023! I had a lot of fun and it was so great getting so much feedback this year. The wonders of posting on places other than Tumblr! lol.

November: Comet from Cosmic Baton Girl Comet-san! Whenever I need to get away and draw, Comet is there as my comfort anime. :) It's been a while since I've drawn the girl and watched the last bundle of episodes!

December: And of course, December's art! From a very fittingly snowy-themed project. :) I don't know yet how much I'll be able to talk about it, but it's certainly going to keep me busy for a while!

#art #artists on tumblr #drawing #summary of art #summary of art 2023 #Baz #toothpaste-dragon #Guido #dreagonarchives #Sleepi #Torn Apart #Bejeweled Winterbringer #for chrystallink #Nola #Guardians #Flower Power #Kalothian freak #Aliens #Naru and Shiido's Adolescent Adventures #Clysmia #chrystallink #Choco #Chocobir #Nell #Aliens Main Story #Floratober 2023 Highlight #Cosmic Baton Girl Comet-san #Antarctic Princess

[soullessfawn]

Fawn’s Space / Alien AU Fic Recommendations

Oops, wrong human by PollyPocketChewer

Wilbur is the exalted one's most trusted advisor. He has been for so long. So naturally when they're trying to establish peace between the galaxies and Earth, he's sent to pick up Earth's diplomat.

Problem is, he grabbed the wrong human.

very normal human behavior by iregretallmydecisions

Tommy has a secret. No one knows. Not the nice lady at the corner store, not the weird guy at the video game store, not Tubbo, and certainly not any of his housemates. He's an alien, sent to study Earth. It's not easy, keeping that secret when he's living with three humans, but he can do it, he's sure.

Wilbur has a secret. He's not told a soul and never intends to . He's an alien, sent to study humans on Earth, so that his people can make first official contact. It's not easy hiding what he truly is, especially when it comes to his three human housemates.

Technoblade has a secret. He's very good at keeping it, but sometimes it's... difficult, around his three human housemates. Loathe as he is to admit it, Technoblade cares about them, and perhaps even feels guilt over his lies. His race wants him to determine whether or not Earth is an ally or an invasion site. But, for the sake of his people and new friends, he will keep his secret.

Phil does not have a secret. He has never, once in his life, kept his mouth shut, even when Puffy tells him to. It's not his fault no one else believes aliens exist. At least his new housemates, normal as they are, seem to tolerate it better than the last guys.

In Orbit (Around You) Carmen_In_Space

"What is he doing," Techno asks as he looks at where Philza's staring at the security feed.

The cameras show the human in his room-turned-cell, dragging all the furniture around. The security cameras don't have audio, but Philza doesn’t need it, because he can hear the sounds of furniture dragging across the floor from all the way down the hallway.

"I think he’s redoing his room," Philza answers.

"He’s bored, guys," Wilbur says from across the room.

"I dunno," Philza mumbles, "he seems to be quite entertained doing this."

or, Philza, Wilbur, and Technoblade have a stowaway on their ship. Philza's determined to befriend it.

and wonder why they never soothed your fevers by chrysomyxa

The thing Wilbur keeps coming back to, petulant as it is, is that this is all incredibly unfair.

They’ve all been onboard The Twitch for a week straight, give or take, traveling through hyperspace as much as the ship’s engine and hyperdrive can take for such a long journey. Deep space is fast approaching, which is something the natural galaxy-hoppers hesitate at, let alone any one planet-bound species like humans. He’s probably the only human for thousands of kilometers around, at this point.

So where the fuck did he pick up a virus?

(Wilbur gets sick onboard. And, being Wilbur, attempts to hide it from the rest of his confused but concerned alien crew.)

Journey of an Ice-time: The Rooster Festival by HumanErrorDiscord

All the easiest sources of protein and meat are automatically out,” Wilbur worries, claw tapping against his custom made chair. “Since…Phil. So, we’d need the expensive shit or we’d need to figure out what Tommy’s missing from the meat and ice.”

“I’m missing the CRUNCH Wil, are you listening?” Tommy shouts.

“Shut up, child,” Techno chimes in. “Keep distracting the bird.”

“FUCK YOU, TECHNO!” Tommy screams, about to get up when Phil protests and gently tugs him backwards with another ‘follow, follow’ noise.

Damnit. His hands are tied and he has no options.

“You devious motherfucker,” he forces a scowl and leans into a scritch. “Trickery.”

“Why don’t we buy eggs?” Ranboo says, ignorant. And…

Hell.

Hell breaks loose.

Lost in Translation by SilverWing15

Techno’s seen a human before, an adult, in the distance.

They don’t look intimidating.They don’t look like much, honestly. Small-ish, built more solidly than Ender and Elytron, but not the bulk of Piglin.

They don’t look like they should have been able to soundly kick the ass of the Dreamon fleet. But that’s what they bloody well did. And now nobody wants to mess with them. Its the prison yard principal on a galactic fucking scale. Take down the biggest guy in the yard and nobody fucks with you.

Nobody except for whoever was stupid enough to steal a human kid. Because, as it turns out, even baby humans are fucking nightmares, since this one managed to crash an entire ship on its own in presumably an escape attempt.

Of course it then managed to get itself caught again by Ender authorities. Who dumped it in here and then into Techno’s fucking lap--thanks, Phil.

OR: Fifteen years ago, humanity reached out to the stars, and the great bully of the galactic playground came and tried to beat up the new kid. Only the new kid kicked their ass, and all the rest of the kids on the playground are too scared to go talk to them now.

#Fawns Fic Recs #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #philza #technoblade #dream smp #ao3 recs #ao3 author #ao3 fanfic #ao3 link #ranboo #tubbo #humans are space orcs #space #aliens #fanfic rec

[blatantlackofdecorum]

ricky potts headcanons

subsidence my children, subsidence  I'm not even gonna lie I write these on my computer during school 

- connoisseur of anything to do with space, and aliens. he has a whole shelf dedicated to star trek seasons + the various movies. not to mention the collection of star wars movies.  - rip ricky you would’ve loved nope (2022) 

- definitely collages with constance. it started as a hobby, but he made quite a few sketchbooks full of concepts, and faceclaim’s for the people of zolaria. 

- he also needs a separate journal for all of his thoughts, if someone isn’t getting something he’s trying to express through sign, than he will most certainly let you know on paper. 

- he had so much potential for character design and general creation bro. he started drawing when he was younger, and it morphed into one of his main ways to create. 

- I love that we’ve all collectively agreed there are stickers plastered everywhere on his crutches, but I take you a step further, any surfaces computer wise, or on his sketchbook are also covered.  - tumblr writer. people were very confused when he dropped off the earth one day but he was in the middle of sharing his experiences with zolaria, and his endeavors to keep it’s citizens safe.  - penny and him are besties. no debates. penny started learning sign pretty early on after meeting him, and so the two of them usually communicate more frequently than ricky and the rest of the choir.  - worst sense of humor, in an almost endearing way. he’ll joke to himself and laugh about it in class. a lot of, “I should write that down!” after he comes up with it.  - solid he/they or just all pronoun user. how do you think he clocked noel as trans so fast. (from previous post oops)  - you know who’s relationship with ricky is grossly underrated? him and mischa.  - mischa hypes him up everytime he gets the chance.  “Look at my cool guy friend everybody! Coolest guy in school coming through!”  - they share a “nobody really listens to me, because they don’t understand at first” vibe.  - ricky learned some usl (ukrainian sign language) to make sure mischa felt included, and mischa almost physically wept when he realized  - ricky was one of the like four likes on mischa’s youtube. a solid resident of the bad egg channel.

- constance and noel invite him to movie nights, and usually end up painting his nails too. not to mention the various bracelets and necklaces constance has made him in her free time. 

- his cats usually end up sleeping with him, so anyone with allergies worst nightmare. they pretty much dogpile on him the second he lays down

#rtc #ride the cyclone #rtc musical #ride the cyclone musical #ricky potts #ricky rtc #ricky potts rtc #ricky ride the cyclone #mischa rtc #mischa bachinski #mischa bachinski rtc #noel gruber #noel rtc #noel gruber rtc #constance blackwood rtc #constance rtc #constance blackwood #penny lamb #penny rtc #penny lamb rtc

[johannestevans]

thinking about what porn short to work on today and

alien superhero picks out a workplace secretary and assigns him public use fucktoy, and a lot of his new coworkers are too shy/intimidated to stop him. all from the pov of the earth superhero who has been crushing on this secretary for months and is overwhelmed by how turned on he is and also how guilty he feels for his horniness

transmasc student who mouths off in his university transmutation class and the professor who punishes him by shrinking him down into a living stroker toy and uses him on another student's cock

also a magical chemist who captures a fairy to experiment on him and use him as a fucksleeve

elf adventurer who agrees to act as bait for several other adventurers while they defeat a slime monster in a cave, gets encased in the slime flesh wall and it starts working him over, pumping him full of preparatory fluids while preparing to use it as a seedbed... and then it does escalate to making him lactate and pumping him full of eggs, bc the distract is not enough to enable the other adventurers to actually defeat it

#musings

[venillopewrites]

Hi I hope you're well. I was just wondering if there were any new updates you could give us?

If not, what about any non spoilery fun facts for this or your other project?

Actually Idk if you started working on it yet but if so, How's the other project going? All I saw was animals and got excited.

Hello love! I'm doing good, winding down from the summer excitement and preparing my home for my favorite autumn season 🍂 My neighbors are getting increasingly worried about my pumpkin collection.

I do have some minor updates for you! Nothing to warrant an entire post, but small successes are also successes!

For example, the personality aspect of the prologue has passed quick testing! Now every action has an appropriate reaction somewhere in the text, no matter how small. I so enjoy flavor text 💫 (I added like 2k words of flavor text. Oops, but not really)

The naming shenanigans for the Parasite has been fun. There's some easter eggs there, depending on what you decide to name it! (ie. Venom, which no doubt will be popular) Of course all of these aliens from media have faded from human memory between 2023 and 2974, but that won't stop me from writing some general and vaguely snarky responses.

Bonus scene for this week was the very first "death" scene. Not that the MC can die this early in the game, but I'll switch to the Parasite's POV as a lil treat for both you and me 😌 It's very exasperated about the whole ordeal of its human meat bag going *windows shutting down*.

Focusing heavily on the stat page now too, and boy is it fun. There's even (placeholder) graphics! Both literary and numerical relationship stats, yay! Shiba will be the only one who even remotely likes MC in the beginning of the game, the others are either indifferent (Parasite), wary (N.) or downright hostile (E.)

There are a lot of fun tidbits from both games, but let's do TEP for now.

Did you know organized religion no longer exists in 2974? The only thing remaining are obscure records on the intranets and crumbling, forgotten infrastructure hidden deep within the oldest parts of the Pens. Cults though, those you'll find in abundance!

The metropolitan city has a name, but no one really uses it. The three districts (the Aureum, the Hub, and the Pens) are the biggest districts within the city of Arca. There are more, but no one really pays mind to those. Like suburbs that have nothing happening to be honest.

All but four planets (the four exceptions being Neptune, Jupiter, Uranus, Saturn) in the solar system are inhabited by humans. Mercury is an industrial behemoth, and only houses mines, factories, and factory workers. Venus is a resort planet, but just for the richest of people who can afford it. Very bougie. Mars is a settled planet with similar massive cityscapes as Earth, but they're very much shielded under massive domes. Pluto is a prison. Many moons/natural satellites also have colonies, because humans are too many and need space.

One of those inhabited moons kinda went kablooey in 2430. RIP people who lived on Rhea.

While the future has many great technologies, humans haven't dabbled in android business yet. There are some trials on extinct animals though, but those have all been failures.

Animals only exist in zoos. The planet is too barren and crowded to house any natural animals. Sad, but no one really cares since they don't go outside the city limits on foot anyway.

Oh wee, that was a lot of loredropping, huh? Hope it gives a bit of an insight to the world!

Now the other project is in outlining stages, but I can name drop some NPCs/RO's for you 😉 They're all set in their genders too which will help me with coding.

Anyway, here's them and their respective emojis.

Kit 🐻‍❄️🐧

Olivia 🐬🦈

Dallas 🐊🐍

Mason 🦁🐯

Harper 🦚🦜

Sydney 🩺🐾

Oh, and the villain 💵🏗️, duh.

#ask #the erebus project #secret project #woah this got loooong #had fun writing it though #thank you for the fun ask 🪐

[justonemorechapternicercy]

“We can bake cookies! And put heart sprinkles on them.” sibling bonding Percy and Tyson baking together for their favorite redheads (aka Rachel and Ella)??

(Sorry, it's a bit different, because I can't comprehend what I'm reading and I mistook the "for" for "with" 😂 oops 😅)

"Oooh! We should bake cookies! I love cookies, they are yummy!" Tyson declared between two Disney movies, after whining that he was hungry.

"Yes! Ella wants it!" Ella exclaimed, jumping up from her cozy nest, her eyes sparkling as if she was a character in an anime. "And we can put heart sprinkles on them!"

There was only one possible answer, really. Percy knew there was no way he could say no to those two begging eyes, and he could see that even Rachel liked the idea.

"But only if we make the base blue," he negotiated.

Rachel smiled, "Of course it's going to be blue. The icing will be white and the sprinkles pink."

It took a second for Percy to understand. "Ah," he blushed. "That's nice."

"So? Can we, please, make cookies?" Tyson begged. Percy adored his overeager puppy of a brother. Picking him up, he pretended Tyson was kidnapped by aliens as he run towards the kitchen, followed by tinkling, joyful laughter.

"Nooo, I don't want to be kidnapped!" Tyson whined, his face flushed red.

"But you are, and I'm going to eat you!" Percy declared, pretending to bite into his brother.

"Nooo! I'm not edible! You can't eat me!" Tyson screamed, laughing as he tried to escape from Percy's arms.

"If you are hungry, we should make those cookies, babe," Rachel winked, standing between the two brothers, helping Tyson to get out from Percy's grabby hands.

He pouted, "Spoilsport," but held up his hands in the universal sing of surrender.

Ella, the adorable little redhead princess was already lining up the baking sheets with parchment papers, not bothered by the commotion. She was already used to it.

Tyson dragged the ingredients from the shelves onto the counter, but as Percy could judge, it was a bit more than the cookies needed. At least he was almost sure they didn't need gelatine, nor tapioca pearls in their cookies, but honestly, who was he to know?

"Do you need some assistance?" Rachel stiffed her smile, her arms full of eggs, milk and butter.

Percy could see the indecision on Tyson's face, his eyes darting from one container to another, but then he glanced at Ella, and his little face became determined. "No, I can manage," he said. Percy thought his little crush on Ella was the most adorable thing ever.

"Ella needs a bowl," their little princess implored.

The four of them quickly gathered everything they needed - and some more -, and it didn't take long until the two youngest were covered in flour.

"You have-," Percy frowned, looking at Rachel. " You have something on your face," he said, and with a quick move, he smeared butter on Rachel's cheek.

"You are a dead man, Percy Jackson," she whispered frostily, but before she could retaliate, Tyson chimed in.

"I... We think we need help."

The look on both kids was one full of sheepish guilt. Percy's eyes followed their gaze, to the floor, where three eggs were cracked open, the sticky egg white covering everything.

He sighed, "You bake, I'll clean."

"Deal," Rachel hummed in acknowledgment, but before she went to help the kids, she pressed a kiss on Percy's cheek, wiping the butter off, into his skin.

It took no time until they had a perfect batch of blue sugar cookie, baked, cooling on the counter.

"Ella wants icing," Ella said.

"Me too!" Tyson chimed in.

"Me three!" Percy added, all of them looking at the only person who knew her way in the kitchen.

"Okay, okay, I'm doing it!" Rachel sighed, sieving powdered sugar into the egg white that they didn't use in the dough.

She was concentrating so hard to make it into the perfect consistency that her tongue unconsciously peeked out from her lips. Percy, of course, thought it was adorable. Like anything his partner did.

He was so engrossed in admiring her that only the chewing sound alerted that two little kiddos stole something they shouldn't have. Glancing at them, he could see them showing the rest of the cookie into their mouth before their older siblings could stop them, then grinned at him around a mouthful of cookie like two pleased cats.

He adored those little shits.

"Ella likes them!"

"They are really good!" They mumbled, their mouth still filled with the sugar cookie. The food dye painted their teeth blue, and Percy had to coo. Adorable little shits.

"You two can have another one when we are done. Don't you want to sprinkle these pretty hearts on the cookies?" Rachel asked, holding up the container. Ella rushed there immediately, yanking it out of Rachel's hand, inspecting the sparkling little candies in the bottle.

"Who wants to ice the cookies?" She asked, offering the bowl, and Percy took it.

"I'll do it, and Tyson and Ella can decorate," he decided. Taking a cookie, he dipped it into the royal icing.

"Just like that?!" Rachel exclaimed, horror in her face.

"Just like that. Who needs piping bags? I don't," he shrugged with a shit-eating grin on his face. He knew it would drive his perfectionist little artist mad. As much as she likes to make a mess in her art room, she can't stand it in her kitchen.

"Ugh," she groaned, but didn't complain, and the kids happily sprinkled a copious amount of those little hearts over the slowly drying icing.

#percy jackson #rachel elizabeth dare #perachel #pjo #pjo ficlet #tyson #ella #sibling bonding #trans #kid fic

[factorialsotherfandoms]

I forget how much of a trainwreck the first time they find eggs are in the xcom au. The other times the eggs are /relatively/ well behaved - even if in Richas' case it's only because he's hurt.

But the first time... The mission is Philza, Missa, Cellbit, Roier, Jaiden, and Etoiles. Perfectly reasonable mission. But then they get into a fight with some quasi-immortal-assassin-human-alien-fucked-up-synthetic-being-lady and these two children - I'm bad at kid ages but I'm thinking they look nine or ten - jump out of their hiding places and try join in the fight. Now obviously they get grabbed, but that takes two people out of the fight, and then they've got two baby assassins confused why they didn't get to assassinate who have only extremely basic ability to write and that's it (it's the hello/ola/feed/sleep signs sort of thing, though i'll probably add like 'hurt' and 'no' in, and nothing else for the first week or so until they link to an adult and steal writing knowledge). Who are also hurt but don't seem to realise it. It's Missa and Roier who grab kids, Philza who heals them up (hence Chayanne liking him too) and Jaiden who kills the Assassin (which makes Bobby pouty but enchanted by her). So those four are handling the literal children meanwhile Cellbit is licking all the magitech and Etoiles is looting the armoury. And the kids are part alien which shouldn't be possible and at that point they have no idea if alien hybrids are new and being kidnapped by the Feds or if these are lab-grown children, and then turns out Chayanne was hiding injuries to make sure Bobby was treated first and passes out and it's a fucking nightmare.

Then once the kids are well enough they try to take them somewhere safe and oops! they panic and psychically bind themselves to their adults of choice. And now its dangerous to their health to separate them for more than a few days. On the plus side they learn how to write by borrowing the knowledge! On the minus side... literally everything else.

#qsmp x xcom

[thewapolls]

now to take care of some stragglers... For reference I' a'm aiming to cover all the random encounters in all the prologue dungeons, and then I'll take a break. If I continue past that or not... well see...

Oops I went and posted this with the trivia and no poll at first...

AIPEROS aka AYPEROS is another funky one that really got the short end of the stick with localization, winding up as AIPELOSS in the English version of WA1. Another classic demon of the Ars Goetia and Pseudomonarchia Daemonum. Some depictions show him as a cross between a lion and a goose, which seems to be the root of the WA1 design.

Initially misromanized as ALFASE, the name is in fact that of the demon MALPHAS, which it was corrected to in Code F. Like AIPEROS a name shared in both Ars Goetia and Pseudomonarchia Daemonum. Typically depicted as a raven that can turn into a man, hence sharing AIPEROS's vaguely humanoid bird model.

STIRGE is a neat pull from Dungeons & Dragons, a classic monster original to the RPG, but one fairly often forgotten in the modern era. The design itself though has less in common with the D&D design and more in common with the facehugger from Ridley Scott's ALIEN.

ASSASSIN BUG, while actually Assassin Bugs are a thing, I'm assuming from context that this monster is supposed to be the D&D Assassin Bug. Like the ALIEN Facehugger, the D&D Assassin Bug was known to lay eggs in live prey for the babies to gestate inside, and eventually eat their way out of.

GOHM I have no idea what this monster is supposed to be. I mean, some kind of cockroach or cicada man, obviously, but the name seems random. (There's a monster with the same name in a single episode of the old Dengeki Sentai Changeman tokusatsu series? There's a character with the name who is also a beetle in Zatch Bell? But I can't find any sensible link between any of those. It feels like because the Zatchbell Gohm is also a bug that there must be some shared root reference between the two, but it eludes me.)

GALEION same deal as GOHM. No clue what's in this one other than being another roach man. Seems to be the Japanese phonetics for Galleon, like the the type of ship? That gives me nothing...

#wild arms

[garbagefarm]

Garbage Farm (#43)

2023-03-31, Garbage Farm session #43, spanning from Summer 15 Year 4 to Summer 27 Year 4

Cast:

me (@mothmute)

E.B. (@salamand3rin)

Kimi (@2kimi2furious)

Highlights include, but are not limited to:

Garbage himbo hubbies droning in unison: It’s summer... That means the house is full of flies.

NOT AGAIN

also don’t you guys clean up at all?

Flat possum...

(he’s playing possum)

(E.B. is going to jail)

I crack my knuckles and start completely rearranging the storage system.

It was an over-complicated mess with too many categories, and I’ve learned how to do better

also, the workbench is extremely good and should be the centerpiece

Kimi walks in on the girls fighting (Dwarf and Krobus), ‘til daddy Wizard had to step in

barely make it back to bed after working on fixing the storage all day

Baby!!!

Theophania Garbage!!

E.B. comes over an baptizes her using her watering can, as is tradition

Growing pains learning to use the partially-reorganized storage system mean me and E.B. eat shit staying out too late, Marlon found both of us face down in the mud

(I teleport to the desert by accident, a classic mistake)

the oak trees I planted last time have grown, I can start tapping them for the resin I need to rebuild my kegs

The seduction of Krobus......

me and Kimi happen to meet by chance in the secret woods

Pierre’s Prime Produce now looms over us. it’ll be fine, right?

E.B. got some cherry bombs for me, left them in my fridge

Elliott tells me he couldn’t be happier :’)

(gently probing the skulls....)

should we keep the storage chest full of bones? (hell yes, bone chest)

Kimi finds some garbage cranberry sauce

we resign ourselves to the necessity of building a slime hutch

Pizza is a big boy now!!

strange sound in the night...........

Elliott tells me that Bartholomew called him da-da :)

blueberry harvest is here, that should deal with Pierre’s Prime Produce, right?

nevermind, he sucks! and only wants veggies! and blueberries are fruit!

I find Haley taking photos in the forest, she tries to ride one of Marnie’s cows and falls into the mud (but she takes it in stride)

There’s a weird alien egg thing on the farm!

What’s a little accidental horse theft between friends?

Marlon heard about our slime hutch and came by to get us started

he claims a slime took out his eye. how??

I got a letter from Krobus! It had the recipe for Dark Signs, which I’m now going to use everywhere

E.B. got a catfish from Linus

The Garbage Ducks are stubborn, and refuse to swim

Robin bombs Pizza’s outgrown crib

KIMI FINDS THE PRISMATIC SHARD WE NEED

I get stuck seeing Sam’s band, Goblin Destroyer

Penny calls me “an honorary member of the band”, that’s gotta be one of the most savage burns in Stardew

they weren’t very good, and I went home with my goblin fully intact

Big melon is here!!

aaand the slime hutch is gone. phew

Kimi is torn between cashing the prismatic shard in for the sword, or donating it to complete the museum

Kimi, I’ve already done that, I can just buy you one

E.B. wants one too, if it’s not cost prohibitive

Kimi wants one only if it is

Pizza has insomnia :(

new cow is born, Snurtie!

Museum is complete!! My head fills with thoughts of Garbage...

Kimi is Wild Possum’s favorite

I killed a frost jelly, and Marlon is very pleased

running into Kimi in the storage shed, both out too late to make it back, RIP

Time for some exit explosions

“gptte,”

E.B. was knocked unconscious.....

NEXT TIME:

oops, we forgot to take a picture with the big melon!

finish Pierre’s Prime Produce with some of the radishes, we’re bound to get enough, right?

Moonlight Jellies

Planting for fall!!

buncha cranbs, buncha punkins,

probably gonna plant a buncha other stuff too

Deluxe the ducks’ coop?

maybe if we add more ducks, they’ll be more likely to swim

I wanna learn about burglary......

I might get into some coffee-making around my house......

#stardew valley #garbage farm

[lonespektr]

SEPTEMBER 6TH HORROR WATCH

The Deep Ones (2021)

I think white people doing love craft could be a fatal error but here we are

Okay strangers

Okay not strangers 🙄🙄

Miscarriage

"old world"

It's annoying when they comedically play what should just be a normal sex between partners

Like do fun and flirty or do sexy

This lets comedically film normal is not now nor has never been it

It's like when marvel stomps on every joke

Miscarriage trauma and the guy is whatever's about it

Not surprisingly the woman is already cast in black with a vague whore stamp cause she had sex but failed to produce a baby so WHORE even in marriage and trying for one

Alien

And preggers

Very clear mystical pregnancy

Normal depiction of boobs is good if there's equal opportunity treatment for men...

More eggs

This an air b n b?

Hallucinations

Just making up shit, just peak men shit

6AfuckingM

Bruh you didn't wake ha?

Make sure to apologize for being a frigid bitch for not having sex post miscarriage

Out of the boat alone

Call in for doc / sleeping plotting against her

Trident lore 🔱

Oh sis is preggers too

Luddite commune

Was Lovecraft also anti tech punk ass too?

Journey

The light

Lol he doesn't know what fucking Cthulhu is 🤣🤣

Hypnosis already

Being on your knees before a woman is inherently degrading but also to make it clear we are going to have a guy there behind him and do some tentacle penetration

Full robes of course the woman is bleeding preggars in pain and simulated Cthulhu sexual assault 🙄

White guy is chosen by Cthulhu

Eggs 🙄clams🙄

Candid camera

Doc dropped by lol old school

Sis finally let's her guard down because the doc knows some acupressure after being the only one with common sense

But they always hobble a woman by preggers or other ailments

Lol doc got a home lab?

Missing woman

The not believed "crazy" she said ACAB

How u tell somebody business like that?

She said why don't you do a welfare check on her steada bothering me

Fishy 🤣

What's with the universally poor application of lipstick

Got the light

Sinister very male response to truth from women and excuses

Lol preggers fetish

Gills

Echolocation

Tentacles got our town nutter

She knows

You already brought her to us

Jasmine awaits

This lady isn't door a poor job acting necessarily but she's off.. somehow

Now another scripture

Party time

This is the fifth time they have said his name and I'm sorry I'm too dumb i don't understand the reference

AA welcome

Petri is obviously a peter derivative...rock

Kid in a creepy mask

Lots of simulation of substance use w/o much substance use

Already asked to swing!

Trying to tell the ratio

Vessels to the old ones

Again not subtle which seems anti Lovecraft

So many uncomfortable close ups

Bro where she go to get that drink russia?

9 months today 😬

Moving here

Lol she can't even think of an excuse not to stay

Lol cuban time

Fire fertility show

They actually hired somebody 🤣

I like that the woman are all middle aged regular looking my baby likes you

Oh yea that was the one kid there despite all the pregnancy

Chanting and planning to impregnate the women

There's something sinister about mens ignorance to the situation in horror films it's misogynistic although i can't place why

Webbed fingers

And these poor women talking sense

Talking sense is awful in a horror film

Oop name drop the man books on the shelf have secret letters

10 months from today 😂 i suppose we wouldn't know what day it is so

But it's old

Bits of german

Stranded guest afraid

I always feel like somebody's watching me

I like the silly little projections of scenes on the letter

These women win being the most realistic in a horror film

Lol straight to cult

Lol she said necrmbkomicon stuff 🤣🤣

Everybody crowded watching in that security room is taking me out the robes

Omg that old man chasing a car on foot!!

Got her

That's the other kid i guess

Bruh that was HELLA close to the house

Now she looking for phone and passport

Here goes the nanny cam

Poorly placed mic

Mam well past time to EXIT

phone didn't work, now it do, MAM

Odd tones

Lights

And the door

The hell kinda knife is that

Petri out

Secret room

Dagon!

Knew it

Thank you

Petri useless

She ran Anyway after waiting

Now he got it

Help who? Now we in stupid horror movie antics

You ALREADY established the cult

They flicked a switch now she dumb

Caveman

More children

At least they aren't pretending it isn't rape, that would have been worse

They utilize the intimacy anchor to convey he's lost instead of the other way around, that is they usually fail to do the task not initiate a poor mimicry of it

I guess points for the rape being guttural screams of agony not salacious

Putting the camera alongside the aggressors elecits different emotions

I believe this one was attempting to do a bystander helplessness thing

Esp considering the last scene

These are ineffective without hope at the end like the letter, something that assists the next victim

#the deep ones #lovecraft #graywatchhorror23

[anxiousanteaterr]

I think it was a tumblr post I saw where someone was talking abt how scifi and scifi fantasy has always been about reframing socital issues (i.e: the episodes of star trek that not-so-sneakily address eugenics thru the lens of the crew talking w aliens) and how you can have escapism, but there will always be scifi content exploring these topics ect ect. Anyway the point is, as a teen I was a huge "im going all in on the escapism" but after seeing that post it made me look back on my writing and explore it deeper and uhhhhh. Oops, All Reframing. The scene where Novox vents his frustrations about how Dark Mages like himself have worked so hard to regain the publics favor, all to just be villianized again due to the publicized actions of one bad egg is not very subtle at all! The scene were a hyper-religous old man basically flings slurs at Na'an is NOT escapism! Meldria trying to follow in her late father's footsteps and do actual good in her line of work, but being met with glares and mistrust from the public due to that job field being founded in corruption is also NOT very fun! I am not escaping anything! I am in fact putting it all out there and didn't even really notice it until now.

#rambling #the more this story evolves the more intense it gets

[ritacaroline]

A New Series

By Ritacaroline

Quips n Blips to Ponder

Episode 4

My Latest Genius Idea

It regards lipstick. Do not try to steal this idea under penalty of law. Do you promise ?

Check 1 for yes.

Check 2 for no.

Check 3 for - I don't even use lipstick.

Check 4 for : your idea is lame. Now get me a sausage n pepper hero and shut the F up.

Official Patented Idea :

Deep thinking lipstick plan. ( not sure if I made this up or not. I'm leaning toward yes, I did. If not, my apologies.)

I will apply poison lipstick to my top lip and antidote lipstick to my bottom lip. This will insure for a thrilling yet ultimately neutral kiss. Get ready. Buttercup. I mean pucker up. Mother Fu....hey - it rhymes.

Now that we have your attention, will you please fill in this easy questionnaire ? Provided by the IRS.

Please circle the appropriate #.

How do you plan on filing this year ?

1 single

2 jointly

3 accurately

4 exponentially

6 extra well done

7 no pickles

8 orange is the new black

Do you own any chickens and if so how many ?

Yes

No

1 chicken

2 chickens

3 any geese ?

What do you plan to do with eggs laid by said chickens ?

1. Normal uses Ex. Breakfast. Or cupcake baking.

2. Abnormal purposes : juggling, egging peoples homes who have wronged you, using them for buoyancy experiments. For science.

3. All of the above

What are their names ?

1. Gingy ( short for Ginger. )

2. Betsy

3. Wilma

4. Rocko ( strangely he never lays eggs ?)

5. Killer

6. Jasper Lewis

7. Other : list here. Please use colored pencils to describe personality of each chicken

8. Scrambled or sunny side up ? Extra $1 charge for poached. Benedict gravy ?

How often do you order delivery pizza ?

1 weekly

2 monthly

3 none of your business

4 extra cheese

5 lactose intolerant

( please circle just one)

How many children do you have ?

1 a few

2 none

3 too damn many

4 please call the child endangerment agency

5 do you need a gallon of milk

What's your level of formal education ?

1 grammar school

2 jr high

3 high school

4 none

5 a little college but no diploma

6 PhD

8 fancy country day school in Connecticut

9 Dumb as a door nail

10 Dumber than a bag of rocks

( there is a difference, Gary)

11 I've been whapped in the head with a 2 by 4

12 I've fallen and I can't get up

13 Oops, I crapped my pants ( official brand patent )

Do you have a job ?

1 yes

2 no

3 I sponge off my parents

4 high security government worker

5 work at Area 51 and I know alien secrets

6 is this Scully ?

7 why did you ruin your pretty face w plastic surgery ? That was just wrong

How long is your anaconda ?

1. 7 in

2. 8 in

3. Are you a girl ? If so, please move on

4. Are you Robert Plant ? We see you :

Rob, please, Cover up that bait n tackle set. You're scaring the children.

What is your sexual orientation ?( it's ok. You can tell us. It's for science)

1. Hetero

2. Homo

3. Bi

4. Gay

5. Silly

6. Lesbian

7. LGBT Lmnop

8. Asexual

9. Loss of appetite

10. ED erectile dysfunction

Why do you lie to us ?

1. Just because

2. Can't help it. The girl can't help it.

3. I do not lie

4. You lie like a rug

5. I want more $ back please

6. Ok, just keep it real, man

7. I know it's only rock n roll but I like it ( yes I do ).

8. I am not a crook

Do you dress appropriately for work ?

1 yes

2 no

3 sometimes

4 no underwear

5 suit with tie

6 dresses or skirt

7 torn jeans

8 fashion savvy

9 I don't understand

10 I'm too sexy for my shirt, that's right. I like to paaart - ie. What you think about that ?

Do a little dance ? Make a little love ?

1 get down tonight

2 get down tonight

3 talk about it talk about it talk about it, woo woo Wu

Do you have a huge ass ?

1 yes

2 no

3 massive

4 cars often line up behind you when you wear white pants. Bc they think they're at a drive-in movie. And your ass is the big screen.

5 popcorn?

7 extra butter ?

8 I have a teensy weensy ass.

9 are you lying ? Show us a photo.

10 cellulite ?

What is the operation level of your penie ?

1 works just fine thank you very much

2 on the fence. Literally. On the fence.

3 never works when I want it to

4 he is shy and dainty

5 all the young girls love Alice. Tender young Alice they say.....

6 unpredictable

7 they thought I was a female when I was born. Figured out I was a boy by age 6

How much money do you earn ( so we can grab as much of it as we can, just being honest girls. )

1. a little

2. I do ok

3. All the girls love the bulge in my pants. The one in my back pocket.

4. If I stand on my head I can spit out maybe one wooden nickel.

Have you ever seen an albino squirrel ? Tell the truth. No bragging please.

https://share.icloud.com/photos/00eC0MxUQswLfEk41jwxx4-VQ

What, pray tell, is your claim to fame ?

1 hair dresser

2 the tremendous beast in my pants

3 pair of Ds in my bra. PS they're spectacular and they're real

4 can eat an entire pint of B n Js in one sitting. That is, if no piece of garbage steals it right outa the bag !!

5 can play any song you want on your bass. But no one can tell what song it is

6 just kidding. Don't get mad now.

7 your pants are too loose and fall down when you're on line in Walmart

8 thank God you were wearing clean undies that day

Last but not least, please describe your attractability to the opposite sex :

1. I'm damn handsome and the world knows it

2. Average

3. Well. I refuse to disclose this info ( means : pretty harsh lookin)

4. I'm gloriously beautiful

5. People are not sure whether to call me miss or sir. So they resort to - hey ! You !

6. Soy, un pendador. I'm a loser baby. So why don't you kill me ?

Folks, please take your W2s and your payment and staple them to your forehead. ( no bouncing checks please, we know you're just trying to stall. ) then, mail it to :

Uncle Sam

Care of ripmeoff.com

Thank you for being a friend Blvd

We luv what you do for us, Washington DC, Virginia USA

Do not forget to add a stamp. And lick the envelope. So we can obtain a DNA sample from you. It's the way we roll.

Note : please expect a weight loss of 0.5 to 3 lbs after you have paid us. From loss of cash.

[thebreakfastgod]

i want some sorta supercorp/superfriends space au so bad man

#UGH theres so many cool things you could do #i been trying to draw smth but turns out space suits are hard as shit to draw #lena's jello monster fear made a reference to alien so like #if youve ever seen Alien: Covenant its like a group of researchers search for a habitable planet for humans and then they find out its #Oops! All Alien Eggs #and a bunch of them get eaten its great #or like Interstellar where they go to that water world? and the mission takes like 40 yrs earth time but 9 months astronaut time #n ive never known much about star trek or star wars but they both have huuuge amounts of possibility #or like uh City of a Thousand Planets? The Martian? Guardians of the Galaxy but only when theyre dicking around on other planets #give me rag tag group of heroes saving planets that get into wacky space hijinks #give me very professional exploratory research mission where shit goes Horribly Wrong!! #okay shut up ellie

[tyrannosaurus-trainwreck]

I propose a new rule for action film franchises.  Let’s call it the Settle Down There, Edgelord Rule.

Say you have a franchise--let’s use the Bond films as an example--where every single film, the fate of the entire fucking world hangs in the balance.  No matter what got accomplished in the last film, they’re right back at it in this film, having to save the entire world again.  But somehow, the stakes have to be higher than the last time, or it starts getting harder to get audiences back for more of the same, because it starts feeling really repetitive.

“Why’ve you dragged me back in from my life of sordid semi-retirement, M?” asks James fucking Bond. “Is it yet another doomsday device in the hands of a madman?”

“We should be so lucky, 007,” says Q, handing James Bond a fountain pen that is also a doomsday device. “This time it’s a doomsday device in the hands of two madmen, both of whom have extremely personal scores to settle with you.”

“Well in that case, I suppose I can hardly say no,” James Bond sighs wearily, already longing for the days when it was only a single madman with perhaps a nuclear warhead or two who harbored a vague and academic disapproval of spies in general.

The problem with the ever-rising stakes is that eventually it does become a bit ridiculous.  Remember when Fast and the Furious was about stealing consumer electronics for money?  And now barely eight movies later they’re stealing nukes and driving to space and somehow John Cena is involved?  Another two movies and they’ll be doing donuts on the moon to save earth from being blown up by previously-unmentioned alien conquerors.

So every so often, let’s say every third movie, writers should have to hit a reset button.  Not on the action or the mayhem or the actors’ intensity or whatever it is that gets eyes on screens and butts in seats.  Just, you know.  The stakes.

“Why’ve you dragged me back in from my life of sordid semi-retirement, M?” asks James fucking Bond. “Is it yet another doomsday device in the hands of a madman?”

“We should be so lucky, 007,” says Q, handing James Bond a fountain pen that is also a doomsday device. “This time the madman’s made off with one of the Queen’s corgis.”

“What?” James Bond demands, aghast. “How could you let this happen?”

“Their dog grooming credentials were impeccable. They passed every security check.  They’d have been allowed to groom Her Majesty herself,” M tells him grimly. “There’s something you should know, Bond.  It was... it was Trixie.”

“Not Trixie,” Bond gasps.  The look on his face is that of a man having a flashback to ‘Nam. “What do they want for her safe return?”

“That’s the sticky wicket, Bond,” Q volunteers, waving vaguely at a wall that begins playing a video.

On the wall, Willem Dafoe cuddles a corgi and stares dead-eyed at the camera.  When he speaks, it’s in an accent that’s vaguely Germanic but not like, enough to make any trade partners really mad about it.

“Trixie is such a good dog.  Such a good girl!” He looks at the dog, face becoming animated and warm. “Who’s a good girl?  Is it you?  It is you!  You’re a good girl!”

He looks back at the camera, eyes once again blank as a shark’s.

“I think, my friends, that Trixie is too good a dog for the rotting corpse of an empire that she was whelped into.  I shall take her with me, and together we shall venture into a brave new world of grassy farms with plenty of room to run and many, many children with which to play.  If you redeem yourselves, perhaps you shall live to see this world that I shall make.  Perhaps you shall live to go... to the dogs!”

The video cuts as he rubs the corgi’s ears and gives her a treat.

“That absolute bastard!” Bond snarls, hurling the fountain pen doomsday device across the room. “Tell me you have something to go on!”

And then we’re off to the races, with typical Bond-level shenanigans, fights, and body counts. 

It’s only that instead of having to come up with a scenario which is somehow more important or more dangerous than the last movie, which was already threatening to kill a billion people or knock the planet off its axis or whatever, it’s just a scenario in which everyone is really, really emotionally invested.

And before anyone starts up with the “these sorts of action-movie shenanigans are only reasonable with incredibly high stakes” argument, let me remind you that by the time they need this proposed intervention, we have already hit patently unreasonable situations and behavior.  Like, these are not reasonable people who are just in it for a boatload of money and somehow fell ass-backwards into a Bond villain scheme for making it.  They didn’t join the rotary club and oops their way into a series of flamboyantly homicidal consultation gigs.

If we can buy somebody going completely balls-to-the-wall, conspiracy-of-thousands, weirdo-cult-aesthetics, murdered-my-own-parents all-in on *checks notes* basically being the CEO of a slightly more criminal than usual international conglomerate that required precisely none of that? If we can buy the iron-jawed goons fist-fighting a guy who’s essentially at this point the goddamned terminator for a generous hourly wage?

Then I think we can buy a weirdo-cult-aesthetics conspiracy-of-thousands megalomaniac who just really, really likes that goddamn dog, or hates the protagonist, or wants to share the daguerreotype of Abraham Lincoln’s penis with the world as the Great Emancipator would have wanted, and the shadowy government-bankrolled action-hero forces driven by fate to stand in their way.

It’s not any less reasonable, anyway, and then when the next movie comes out you can go back to saving New York City from a nuke or Paris from a weather-control device or whatever and no one will be like "well this is a step down from the pageantry of the previous installment.”

I should add that there’s no reason the Settle Down There, Edgelord Rule can’t be applied to any sort of serial media.

Your doom-and-gloom tv show just keeps fighting worse and worse villains every single season?  Why not take a break next season and fight a homeowner’s association instead of an artistic serial killer?  Go on a hard-fought, poorly-lit, grim-and-gritty slog through the byzantine process of figuring out which impound lot the Impala got towed to after a bullshit parking ticket. 

Instead of having your teenage characters grapple with Even Worse Demons, they can just, like, egg their principal’s house when it turns out he’s a normal human-level petty tyrant and not a master vampire.  Your nemesis figured out your secret identity, and instead of trying to kill your family or whatever, they hacked your facebook account and friended all your obnoxious relatives/coworkers/friends-of-friends and are embarrassing you in public, and now you have to go on a ridiculously convoluted and dystopian spirit quest to get The Zuck Himself to reset your password.

The possibilities are endless!  Unless you keep ratcheting things up, anyway, in which case you’re eventually and inevitably going to wind up fighting Satan, then God, then Worse God, then Satan’s Dad, Which Is Somehow Not God? Don’t @ Us, Our Mythological Research Prior to Writing This Was Confined to Metal Albums and American Horror Films.