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argumentl · 3 years

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The Freedom of Expression Ep 1 - Haruna Fuuka files lawsuit against internet slanderers

*with Kaoru (K), Joe (J), Tasai (T) , who is a journalist writing for the newspaper Tokyo Sports, and Kami/god.*

Kaoru: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru. Have you heard of 'The Freedom of Expression' somewhere before?

Joe, Tasai : *noding*

K: I've a feeling we've done this before...

J: Thats right, yes...Its not a feeling, we actually did.

K: We are reviving the show we did on the radio station InterFM from 2015-16, on youtube this time.

J: Awesome

*applause*

J: I was really happy when I was first told about the revival.

K: I was also surprised *laughs*

J: Its not that you were made to revive the show though, right Kaoru?

K: The suggestion just came at me.

J: Oh really, like 'How about it?'

K: Like, 'Wanna tryy?' 1*

J: Ah, in a Kansai accent?

K:Yes yes

J: Like, 'Lets tryyy'..kind of thing...it started like that *laughs*

K: Yep

J: We did quite a lot (on InterFM). We even did a special edition

K, T : Yes, we did

J: We even made stickers

K: Brazil!

J:Yes

T: Ah, the live broadcast..at the Olympics

J: It was Dobashi san...Bishbash Dobashi san.

T: It would be good if we could do another live broadcast at this year's Tokyo Olympics.

J: On this You tube channel?

T: Yes *laughs*

J: A live broadcast might be a bit difficult legally, as for the Olymipcs *T laughs*

K: Um, thats *shhh*

J: Oh, its a secret!' *K laughing* Maybe if were are asked by Tokyo Sports..?

K: Yes yes...So, as to the freedom of expression...

Kami/god: Wait, wait, wait..I've come down too.

J: Oh, Kami?

K: He's saying it from himself *laughs*..I thought he would come if we beckoned him though.

J: Thats what usually happened. He was the kind of god that would come down after we called him, but now a god that comes down on his own accord.

K: Wasn't he like that before too? Should we keep him in reseve a bit more?

J: He'll want to appear, we can't help it?

Kami: You were forgetting about me!

K: We are not forgetting you!

Kami: You musn't forget your god!

*laughing*

T: We are not forgetting you!

Kami: Its not good!

J: You are always in our hearts.

T: Yes, he is.

Kami: Yes, thats it..you have to think like that.

J: But, you are not in the studio today, kami?

Kami: Oh..um, im just getting off a night shift..

J: A night shift?!

K: Ah, but it was like that before..

Kami: Right.

J: You are doing night shift work again? *Tasai laughs*

Kami: yes, thats right.

K: That was a while ago wasn't it, how many years ago?

J: Oh, is this the night shift season?

Kami: No, its..

T: You worked for ￥1000 per hour right?

Kami: Yes, yes...my hourly rate has risen a bit though. They were telling me 'Take a rest, take a rest', so my income dropped.

J: Ahh, its what they called a 'reformed working style', right?

Kami: Right

J: Its tough for you too, Kami.

Kami: *laughs* Yes it is.

K: He's the same as ever... so lets get started.

J, T: Please

K: Ah, by the way, Tasai san, as well as Bishbashi Dohashi san, wasn't there another person before (at InterFM)?

T: Yes..a beastly guy *K laughs* An old aquaintance of the listeners', a guy called Monster Hiranabe.

J: Its a strange story, but once when a certain celebrity died, Hiranabe-san called me up, and asked me if I had known the deceased guy...as soon as I said that I hadn't known him very well, he hung up on me straight away!

T: Thats awful!

J: He is awful

T: This very guy, Hiranabe, even got a promotion from the manager.

J: Eh? Promoted to what?!

T: To Director

J:Eh?! Really?

K: Is that okay??

J: No, it'll be terrible!

K: Right, lets move onto the main news...I'd like to get deeper into the concept of 'The Freedom of Expression'.

J: Right, so Haruna Fuuka has filed a lawsuit againts those who engage in 'internet slander'.

A tweet stated 'Both her parents created a failure'.

On Jan 14th, 18 year old Haruna and her mother filed a lawsuit at Yokohama district court demanding ￥2,654,000 in damages from a person engaged in spreading falsehoods which have damaged her dignity.

On the acknowledgement that these tweets went beyond what was deemed acceptable by society at large, on Nov 1st the internet provider was ordered to make public the persons name and address etc.

Haruna has been tweeting since the age of 9, giving her opinion at random about society's problems, and creating a stir. She now has over 200,000 followers and is fighting 10 years of slander. Kaoru, what do you think about this?

K: Well..I mean, naturally, you'd feel like that..

J: Hmm, but I don't know the details but..the name of the defendant has been withheld...well, its a common problem that as a person speaking in the public eye, you are going to get criticism along with praise...like a 'fame tax'. That said, how far do you go before honour is damaged? On SNS, you are of course free to express yourself, you can write what you want, but the issue is what constitutes damage to honour. This might be a very difficult area in which to draw a legal line, but on the other hand, if you don't draw a legal line, things may escalate out of control...Kaoru, what do you think?

K: Well for example, if banter between friends is written down...controlling that...Its best not to look at whats written in the first place.

J: Ah, the person in question right? By the way Kaoru, its a strange question, but do you search for yourself online?

K: No, not really. I hear things, the office staff will tell me.

J: Oh, if anything is being said?

T: In the world of fame its quite true, that even if 98 or 99 opinions out of 100 are good, the one negative thing will stand out.

K: Well, yes, its the bad things that..

J: On the other hand, from the writers' perspective at Tokyo Sports, how far are you willing to slander someone? You could write an article in a good or bad way..

T: Of course balance is important, but of course, if the courts want to complain to us, they can call us, and start an exchange, but in the case of slanders on the internet, its like, who do you complain to? So, if you ask celebrities, they will say Tokyo Sports slander is better than anonymous online slander because at least they can complain to our face.

J: Mm, absolutely. Just how far do we protect these tweets, these freedoms of expression? Its difficult.

K: Are these really 'expressions'?

J: Well, esentially, yes. When you say 'tweets' you think of nonsense, but really its media expressing things, or artists expressing things..

K: Yes, yes, you can get a sense of individual expression.

J: And this especially has the power to influence...

K: Yes, and people get swept up in it.

J: I think this is universal, but at the moment I think Japan is bit like a geyser, people will rush towards any incident and some will start complaining, I mean, I think its important to say what you feel, but its complaining without trying to solve anything, only satisfying yourself.

K: Thats it

J: Its sounds strange to say, but it ends like masturbation. If it turns into something towards a soloution its ok, but just creating thoughtless slander to satisfy yourself is questionable.

K: So its often said, if you continue the conversation only looking at the bad things, it can't be helped. There are also good people out there..you know, put more importance on those people. How to put it...its like we said before, if you focus too much on that one out of a hundred, its kind of rude to the other 99.

J: I see. Still this person has over 200,000 followers and its said she has been fighting slander for ten years.

T: She's always been a bit of a talking point online. I'll just search for her.

J: I also have Instagram, I do stuff to do with societal problems on The Dave Fromm show's youtube channel, and whenever I upload about it (on IG), my followers decrease! *everyone laughs* Outrageously decrease! Im serious, despite getting so far, that channel updates every week, and with every update my followers decrease. Maybe people hate reading about societal problems..*to Tasai* What did you find?

T: So for example there was that thing recently about regulating gamers to 60mins per session, she had quite a few things to say about that, playing vs learning etc.

J: I see..Young people do complain, well you can't really tell here, but on the other hand, young people these days, i know they would hate us old guys talking about this, but young people apparently have three main taboos. The first is talking about sex, they dont follow this, the second is politics, they don't follow this either, and the other one is, they don't like being made to talk about the kind of things that they really need to be talking about...there seems to be this kind of trend. So i think in this way...theres a chance Haruna is getting right to the point of this. But certainly, applying the law in a way that recognises infringement/damage to honour by way of personal utterances has the potential to lead to restrictions on the freedom of expression. Its a difficult play off, isnt it?

T: Yes, it really is

J: Obviously, when it comes to race, or racial discrimination, there has come to be rules concerning hate speech and so on, but how far can you regulate one-to-one slandering, or..how far can you protect the person being attacked? Should the country or the judiciary decide this? Its difficult.

K: Kami, what do you think? Are you there?

Kami: Well, I hear slanders towards me all the time *everyone laughs* Like, god tells lies, god is useless, or even that there is no such thing as god!

J: Ahh, i see. They deny you!

Kami: Yes, thats it. If I care about those things, I lose!

J: Do you search for yourself online?

Kami: I do. *everyone laughs* ..and whenever I do its only ever those things that come up.

J: Ah of course...Kami, you have an exceptionally good handle on social media dont you?

T: He's great

Kami: Ive got a good handle on it.

J: Do you use an iphone?

Kami: I have two.

J: God has two iphones! Thats brilliant.

Kami: Yep, I have two...im not allowed to use them while im working.

T: Does he have a contract? With his address and such?

J: I can't tell whether he's great, or whether he's not so great...

Kami: If i care, I lose...I prefer them to hate me, rather than to be indifferent to me.

K: Kami, what do you think about playing computer games for one hour?

Kami: If the kid is good at it, they should keep doing it.

T: I see, i see.

J: Ohh not sure about that. That seems a bit out.

Kami: No, i really think so. Skilled kids can carry on playing.

K: Should unskilled ones give up?

Kami: Yes, they shouldn't do it...When they play all day, and they just can't clear the level..that kind of kid.

K: Its a waste of time right?

Kami: Exactly, its a waste.

J: They should do something else?

Kami: Yes

K: You should quit if you have no talent for it?

Kami: Yes, yes, its talent.

J: Well, just getting off a nightshift must be tiring.

K: For us too, you know, we should try not to say 'stop it' too quickly...we have to keep it interesting.

Kami: It was interesting though, I was listening.

T: Oh thank you.

Kami: But don't tell lies about me.

T: If you thought it was interesting, you should write about it on your social media.

Kami: Yeh, everyone pretends on social media anyway, they won't know its me.

K: Well, that was the first episode of 'The Freedom of Expression' but, should I ask how it was..? *laughs*

J: But, being together again after a while was refreshing..

K,T: Yes, thats right

T: Im happy.

J: So am I.

K: Well, so we started in this vein....Tune in next time to see how it goes. So this time, only this camera, theres nothing here *gestures behind*, but if lots of people watch, we could go different places, increase our cameras. I still don't know about your fee, Joe.

J: Eh?! What do you mean? It says here my fee will stay the same!

K: I might have to lower it *laughs*

J: *coughs* You're only lowering mine?...But everyone please subscribe.

K: Yes please. Please look forward to next time. Thank you very much.

1* They are saying 'How about this?' in a Kansai accent, how to translate that??

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #kaoru #薫 #tfoe #tfoe01

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apptowonder · 4 years

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On the Inherent Chaotic Queer Energy of “Cats” (No, Really)

In Which the Author Relates His Early Affinity For the Musical Cats, And Meditates in Rapt Contemplation On Its Effect On His Own Queer Coming of Age.

Ok, I’ll drop the Eliotian/Victorian pretense. But in all seriousness, this is going to be a long ramble on the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Cats, because I saw the recording of the 1998 Broadway performance again for the first time in probably 14 years and it made me Feel Feelings (tm). Plus a comrade of mine expressed similar enthusiasm and it inspired me.

I -- First Viewing

When I was 10 or 11 years old, for a brief period after seeing Cats for the first time at a local dinner theater production, I was enamored in ways I couldn’t put into words. I was not, and have not really ever been a theater queer. I did a few plays up through high school, and stopped doing theater in college when I lost interest and found out it would take time away from gospel choir. But there was something about the way these characters moved, the charisma they carried themselves with that stuck with me. Unlike some of my queer friends, I don’t have the sense that “I always knew” I liked boys as well as other genders. As a tween, I felt very aloof from romantic interest except for one long-lasting crush on a girl in 5th grade that lasted through middle school. But as I continue to look back, I do think I felt a certain stirring in my gut for certain charismatic male figures, almost like an imprinting. Early affection and crushes manifested in a desire to be like the attractive heroes I admired.

I wanted to be Mr Mistofelees, the Original Conjuring Cat. I also wanted to be Munkustrap, the unassuming but brave and suave narrator, unofficial leader of the Jellicle Tribe. Honorable mention goes to the Rum Tum Tugger, whose rock star persona definitely exudes bi energy, but he felt less approachable to me. In any case, though I didn’t realize it at the time, something was very queer about these cats.

II -- On the Naming of Cats -- Munkustrap

Why I felt drawn to this character is hard to sum up. He doesn’t have his own song, his name is only listed in the program. But he does have considerable stage time. Serving as the narrator and Master of Ceremonies for the Jellicle Ball, right-hand man to Old Deuteronomy, and the only cat willing to go toe to toe with Macavity, he had a certain gravitas that I found compelling. He is humble, as I strive to be. Caring and protective of his family, but not overly aggressive. Confident, but not overbearing. He seemed that he would be the perfect gentle lover, someone who could take you to new and unexpected places but would also make sure that you were safe and loved.

On a deeper level, perhaps my identifying with this character was a kind of rehearsal for the years to come. Munkustrap served as both the boy I wanted to meet and the boy I wanted to be. When I came out and became invested in queer community and queer Christian community especially, I found myself slowly falling into the role of psychopomp and threshold guardian for some of my gayby Christian friends who were either newly coming out or newly trying to reconcile their faith and sexuality. I would direct them to apologetics resources, but I think my greater strength was in being a kind of MC who would invite them into a new queer reality, a celebration of the richness of life and a vision of the vastness of both theology and queer vibrancy. In a sense, I invited them to a Jellicle ball.* I would invite them to dance beneath the moon of our shared experience, and show to them that far from being incomplete or broken, they had their own power and beauty, were possessed of “Terpsichorean powers” which would serve as a mysterious gift to the wider world.

The first boy I dated was a Munkustrap. Gentle, but fun-loving. Willing to meet me where I was, but also encouraging me to new heights of intimacy, feeling and adventure. Though we eventually parted ways, we remained good friends, and I will be forever grateful to him for leading me from an abstract appreciation of my queerness to a deeply embodied possession of it that I can now live out for the glory of God and the good of humanity, like a cat has a deep embodied possession of its third and secret name.

III -- On the Naming of Cats -- Mr. Mistoffelees

“Oh, well I never! Was there ever a cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees?”

Coming in at the eleventh hour to save the day, Mr. Mistoffelees employs his magical powers to rescue Old Deuteronomy when all other help fails. In the production I saw, he literally flies down onto the stage (on a wire) and proceeds to produce phantasmagorical phenomena and easily conjures up the kidnapped patriarch of the Jellicle Tribe from the place he’s been sequestered. He is flashy, elegant, flamboyant, coy, “aloof” but always fun-loving. Perhaps more importantly, in all the performances I’ve seen, he seems elegantly attuned to some deeper sixth sense. Beneath the playful surface is a deep power that manifests in impressive ways. The show relays his power through the metaphor of stage magic, but to me he also seemed to have a touch of something mystical, spiritual. I felt both awe and affection for that sensitive attunement, and how it was packaged in such a playful personality.

In my own life as queer clergy, I have sought to develop that kind of attunement. Though spirituality is a bit slower and more messy than conjuring, I have received compliments from colleagues queer and straight that I often speak the exact right prayer for the needs of a given moment. I write poems and try to breathe new life into the life-giving stories of my spiritual tradition, my life and the lives of my queer tribes. I’m always eager to come up with an impromptu liturgical service when circumstance dictates, and I draw on vocabulary from the saints and mystics as well as my own love of language and poetry. Playfulness is, to me, a spiritual virtue, and I love to offer inspiring surprises from the depths of the wisdom I have inherited from those who have gone before. When friends (especially queer Christian friends) are stuck in demoralizing binaries and limited horizons of purity culture, toxic theology, or other spiritual burdens, I will often pull a shimmering anecdote from the lives of the saints, or an ancient word of curiosity that opens up a new way of seeing the world. In a way, I’m pulling kittens out of hats.

Ironically but also fittingly, when I kept my queerness under wraps, my poetry was vivid but strained. Overwrought, often melancholy but rarely insightful. And I would pray when someone asked me to, but it generally consisted of generic requests that didn’t really mean much to me. I had to become fabulous and be willing to be in touch with the queer wonder of both my loves and my experiences before I began to really tap into that spiritual current that I am still learning how to channel for the life of the world. I’m still a beginner, and in my day to day life I’m fairly quiet and introspective. Aloof, perhaps. But I feel that my openness to queer joy, queer eros and queer vibrancy have begun to throw open a way to my own wholeness and the invigorating and revival of many of my communities. I don’t do this alone, and I am still learning from my many queer elders and forerunners. As I study and practice and bring forth vision, I continue to learn “from Mr. Mistofelees’ conjuring turn.”

At Pride a year or two ago, I met a Mr. Mistofelees of sorts. A pagan boy, playful and flashy, with a golden voice. He ended up being a bit too flighty for me, but he helped me find a bit more of my flamboyant side by getting me to do karaoke, and introducing me to the queer night life in a new city. In our own separate ways, we both helped each other I think be deeper attuned to that electric queer energy that flows into creativity, presence, wonder and resilience like lightning flows from Mistofelees’ fingertips. We pranced about our respective stages and conjured beauty for one another.

IV -- Memory (Some Thoughts on the Queerness of the Musical, and Some Final Reflections)

And what of the musical as a whole. What is it about Cats that struck such a chord with my very young queer self, and still does?

To me, it has an energy to it that resonates very deeply with queer experience. It delights in elevated pageantry, but it takes its own internal logic and way of being seriously. There is something about the mystery and spectacle of it that feels like a queer way of being. Despite the charge leveled against us by demagogues and queerphobes that we’re simply decadent, queer experience to me has always been about experiencing a heightened sense of reality, be that in adventure, sensuality, joy, beauty, celebration or pleasure. As the meme goes, before you say we’re too much, ask yourself, are you even enough?

Furthermore, the show is sensual and embodied in a way that many more conventional Broadway musicals aren’t. It delights in being just a little bit bawdy, while at the same time showcasing an excellence in the choreography and visuals that requires a good deal of skill and physical effort. In coming out and coming to know queer community, I began to listen better to my body and to be more comfortable in my own skin. To delight in the magic of touch and sensory beauty.

Finally, the sensuousness that undergirds the show also displays a very free flowing romantic and affectional subtext between different characters. Two cats may flirt or make eyes at each other, but there’s no expectation that they might not also catch the eye of a completely different cat in the next scene. They perform with a subtle erotic undertone that suggests both tenderness and hedonism, but all in the context of a tight-knit community that cares for its own. The fanfiction community for Cats presents a rainbow of different romantic pairings for various characters, and the lack of consensus as to which ones are “canon” speaks to the show’s affectational fluidity and dynamism.

In the end, the Jellicle cats all present a world within the everyday that is deeply queer and fluid, a “thin space” where personalities are larger than life and anything is possible. In this gay and mystifying romp, I was moved to a consideration in the years since I saw it of my own “secret names” as a future queer seminarian and priest (though I didn’t know it then). While it may seem bewildering to some, I continue to cherish it as a tribute to the great mysteries of queer existence, love and community. And that’s how you address us cats.

*Props to my comrade for extending on and fleshing out this metaphor in his blog post.

#cats #theology #queer theology #andrew lloyd webber #musicals #theology of media #theology of theater #biography #church #history #mister mistoffelees #munkustrap #rum tum tugger

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coridallasmultipass · 4 years

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Vent / personal / tmi / menstruation / endometriosis / long post ... Im so fucking sick of healthcare professionals telling me to just wait it out and pushing my problems onto other doctors I just got my 5th shot of lupron and have 1 more next month. On my appointment last week i told the gyn how ive been having much more cramping and tissue but not blood coming out regularly and he said its possible the combined lupron and norethindrone are making my uterine lining too thin, and to stop the norethindrone (it was being prescribed to help any menopause-like side effects the lupron can have) And less than 24 hours after my first missed dose i get a full blown period complete with extreme mood swings and depression Im not bleeding this week but im still cramping and the mood swings are so fucking bad, being chronically ill and not getting enough relief from any of my medications is making all of this worse but im literally breaking down over any little thing The lupron and norethindrone combined i guess have been suppressing all my emotions bc this is what it was like on the daily before i started it (just not as bad) which is telling me that none of my psych meds are working but whatever I just now got off the phone with my psych and he said he doesnt want to do anything with my meds or dosing bc he says its related to hormones and thats what my gyn needs to address and i Need To Wait im fucking sick of waiting i cant do this ive been waiting since last august!!!!!!! I now have to wait 2 more whole months of mood swings until i can have another appointment with him hes refused to actually screen me for adhd too and says its bc im An Artist type that im not able to sit down and draw anything since last fall like i fucking hate him and he never gets my name or pronouns right and i cant go see a new psych bc of all the closures and i dont wanna call my gyn bc he said if things get worse i need to have a pelvic ultrasound done again and i cant do it!!! I fucking cant do it it hurts too much im too traumatized from depoprovera and mirena that i cant even touch myself without extreme dysphoria and fear that im going to cramp Its killing me that as someone who was so personally sexual to completely be traumatized from the road to an endometriosis diagnosis that i can no longer masturbate or even talk about sex without anxiety and being trans on top of it hurts even more Next gyn appt is my last injection of lupron and im really gonna push to plan for a partial hysterectomy (i only had endo cysts on the back of my uterus but it was 100% confirmed with surgery and biopsy) so i hope it will help so i can stop taking all these fucking hormonal medications like Before being diagnosed i was really planning on going on testosterone but now im too scared because i feel like it would really fuck up my health problems more - mentally and physically Ive given up on passing and am trying to focus on body acceptance especially now that ove had rapid weight gain that isnt being addressed by any of ky doctors i bring it up to God im just trying to vent here but seriously Do not take the diagnosis of endometriosis lightly its super serious to go forth with any treatments and you really have to commit to long term treatments and its a gamble either way For me not starting any treatments was unacceptable i needed help with extreme monthly periods and all forms of birth control ive tried exacerbated symptoms and never stopped bleeding - i literally cannot personally recommend any form of medical birth control bc every one has fucked me over, many different pills at different points in my life, shot (depoprovera gave me debilitating cramps and i bled non stop all 3 months which started this whole journey to diagnosis), iud (iud was the worst i had to go to the er bc the gyn refused to give me pain meds and i was screaming in pain a few hours later unBle to move or think - i really cannot stress enough how painful and long insertion is like it was the longest 5-10 minutes of my life crying while it felt like a knife going through me) I really dont want that ultrasound tho ffs i had to get the first one done while i was in full force cramps during my depoprovera shot and the pelvic ultrasound rod is humongous and they dig it around inside you (i already had a painful and hard time trying to have pleasurable penetration even by myself or with partners) and it takes like 40 minutes of jumbling around your insides for them to document every thing like at least at that time i was only like 2 months from my last time jerking off but now its been almost 6 months of me not even thinking about putting more than one finger in to clean myself in the shower like to go right into an huge ultrasound is going to be so painful and anxiety inducing and i cant do it id rather go straight into surgery My biggest phobias have to do with pain around this part of my anatomy i cannot stress enough how long ive wanted a hysterectomy just so i dont have to fear accidentally getting p r e g... like i would literally kms... i would probably be able to handle the pain of cutting off my arm with a rusty knife better than extreme cramping pain like i had with the iud or ultrasound its such a phobia and now its source of trauma for me from everything ive gone through the last 6 months Having to readjust my life goals from doing p o r n as a hobby and wanting to transition and be who i am, to becoming a vegetable and trying to cope with the fact that i cant ever transition how i hoped Everything just really sucks for me right now and i have literally no social life any more, not even online bc im so stressed about my health and my attention is so bad i cant focus on a convo online, my laptop is about at its grave so all i have is a phone and xbox with bare minimum internet speed.. i live in the middle of nowhere and cant get my license bc the person who was guiding me to drive is an essential worker in a hospital so i cant go in their car any more... im just so fucking alone i cant do anything except break my back gardening and then cry about it later bc my fucking meds dont fucking work!!!!!!!!! Oh thats another thing im also dealing with fucking gerd on top of all this and i cant get the proceedure i need done to confirm if i need surgery or not bc the fucking lockdown!!!! So im stuck taking pantoprazole (been trying similar meds since march 2019 and its currently june 2020!!!!!!) I just want to eat tomatoes and chocolate again it fucking kills me if i dont take pantoprazole i will lose my voice and have such a sore throat and ears from the stomach acid and i know im gonna have to stop it for 2 weeks for one of the tests i need done and its going to be literal hell like it feels worse than strep throat ill probably do the thing where i start choking and coughing at night bc it gets so bad Im a fucking mess like why couldnt all of this happen one at a time I really want to get my belly pierced again bc i feel so naked without it but i cant bc i probably will be having 2 surgeries once covid blows over (if it ever does) Sorry for taking up so much dash space im just really hurting and need some outlet bc therapy isnt helping rn

#personal /#vent #long post #endometriosis #mental illness #menstruation #tmi #i need to stop crying but i cant lmaO #fuck endometriosis #literally a life ruiner #like i was already having a hard time before it but now i have zero hope for the future

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reeree1500 · 5 years

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The Return- Part Three

Okay y'all so here it is!! Part 3 of the Return series!!! Ivar and reader relationship developmentttttt💕 Hope you guys like itttt :) Lemme know if you guys wanna be tagged too. And don't kill meeeee pleaseee 😂

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 10

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @amy8220 @cutegyrl927 @camatsuru @cindy-exo @cainismyname @affection-rabbit

Disclaimer: My sucky writing again. Bad grammar and spelling😂 Character death. And bad plot in general.

Your POV

Excitement. Thats all I could say I was feeling at the moment. To finally be back in Kattegat with my family was something I never thought would have happened again. After my father’s grand announcement of my return, the room overflowed with happiness. People were coming up to me, asking me where I had been for the past 6 years and how I had survived. Obviously, I tried to answer everyone’s questions to the best of my ability without giving too much information. For I still didn't know, the true reason as to why I had to leave or who wanted me gone.

The happiness in the hall however did not last very long. Aslaug, the woman who was questioning Bjorn earlier that night. Was actually my father’s wife. “Im sorry? She's your what now?!?!” Aslaug screams of sorrow over my existence could probably be heard all the way in Frankia. My father however, seemed to have very little interest in her reactions at all. He had cast her to the side as if she meant nothing to him. During the course of the next few hours neither my father nor Bjorn left my side. It was as if they thought something would occur to me if I was out of their side for more than a second. “Father, if it is alright with you I would like to go outside for some fresh air.” I tell him, whilst grasping his hand to truly catch his attention. Cupping my face he says “My sweet little girl, you may do anything you please. However, I would prefer that you do not stray too far from here, as I have just gotten you back. And I would not be able to handle losing you again.” With that he gives me a kiss on my forehead and sends me on my way.

However, I can still feel the overbearing presence of my older brother. “Bjorn, you know Im not gonna run away, if thats what you're afraid of.” I tell him whilst stepping outside. “Im not afraid of you running away. Im afraid of something happening to you (y/n). Plus worrying about you is my job, always has been.” Leaning on one of the wooden beams, I cant help but to stare up at the sky and hold my cross between my fingers. Thinking to myself how different life would have been if I had not left. “ Im only a few steps away shout if anything happens. Okay?” “Okay! And Bjorn... I love you.” At that Bjorn kisses my forehead and walks back inside.

Unbeknownst to me, a certain dark haired man was lurking in the shadows. “Awwww, If I had a heart I would think that was probably the sweetest reunion Ive ever seen.” Turning to the sound of that familiar voice, I see Ivar leaning on his crutch making his way towards me. “I never thought that I would have a sister. And a Christian one at that.” The way that his eyes scan over my body makes me feel a certain way that I cannot quite describe. And the way that his features are outlined by the moonlight really gives a sense of how handsome he is. “Wait, are you implying that...”

“Well, if all Christians are as slow as you I don't think we’ll have a problem conquering them.” A smirk is displayed on his face, while his eyes show a hint of deviance in them. “Why do you think that Bjorn and Ubbe look so much alike (y/n)?” “Or the fact that we all share similar traits like our eyes?” As Ivar continues to talk down to me as if I were a child, I start to connect the dots. Why it was that Bjorn and Ubbe look alike. The way that they all seem to share the same traits as my father. The four young men that Bjorn introduced me too, are actually my brothers.

With wide eyes I come to the realization that...“You’re my brother.” “Took you long enough.” At that Ivar seems to crack what looks like a genuine smile. “You know, I always thought that I was the youngest, but now that I'm not...” The genuine smile I had probably imagined was now a devious one. “ Now, baby sister. Why don't you and I go and sit down by those steps down there. And you can tell big brother Ivar, what you've been up to all this time?” Without being able to answer, Ivar grabs my hands and takes me towards the steps. Why do I feel like this night is just getting started...

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Ivar POV

Needless to say all of us were in shock to learn that (y/n) was our sister. Especially Hvitserk, who had not only been enchanted by her beauty, but was already planning how he would take her from Bjorn. I however, knew something was up the minute I saw her in the great hall. She had no scars whatsoever on her body, meaning she wasn't a shield-maiden. And absolutely no callouses on her fingers from when she took the ale, meaning she definitely wasn't a thrall. And Bjorn wouldn't cheat on Torvi, unless he wants his balls cut off. Something intrigued me about her instantly. It was if she had been sent to me by the Gods, her sharp tongue reminded me of mine. The way that she stood up for my mother not even knowing that she had caused Lagertha and Ragnar to break up amazed me. The way she handled herself with grace and dignity was exactly what I wanted. No, what I need for in a wife.

“Ivar, are you okay? You've been staring at me for the past 5 mins without saying a word.” (y/n) places her hand on my knee to draw my attention whilst looking straight into my eyes. “As a matter of fact, Im trying to piece together, how we’re the same age, and we never met before you left.” As she goes to lift her hand from my knee, something instinctively goes over me and I grab her and hold it were it was. The initial shock she and I both had at my actions soon subsided. She let her hand rest under mine. As if we had done this countless times before, our fingers intertwined and they in my eyes fit perfectly. I could see the inner turmoil inside her, on whether these small affectionate moments between us were something that was so wrong, but that felt so right.

It was not just moments ago that I had found out she was indeed my sister. Blood of my blood. But somehow, something in me told me that we were meant to be. I felt safe and strangely loved by this person in front of me, whom I have never met before. “You know Ivar, we lived on a farm. I was 100% certain that I would be a farm girl for the rest of my life. I was content with knowing that I would spend my life tending to the animals and my family. But, this is just too much.” Looking down at where our once intertwined hands were. I see that she is now staring at the ground playing with the ends of her long braided hair. “Why? Because you feel as if you're not good enough? Look at me for Odin’s sake! Im a cripple!” At that moment our eyes connected and I saw a reflection of myself in her. A scared child who was deprived of a normal childhood. Seeking for acceptance and love from anyone.

“(Y/n), come inside father wishes to speak to you.” Bjorn says coming out from the great hall ale in hand. Clearly drunk as well. “Sure thing, I’ll be there in a second.” As she goes to stand up (y/n) turns to me and kisses me on the cheek. “Thank you for the pep talk, big brother.”

I knew that I could not be the only one feeling this way. She had to have been feeling the same about me. And I will go to the ends of the world and face the God’s themselves if they think that for a second I will not make her mine.

Your POV

What had I just done! I kissed him whether it be on the cheek or not. I kissed Ivar. My brother. Oh lord, forgive me for these sinful thoughts are consuming me. The intense feeling I got from us holding hands and from when he stared into my eyes. I had felt at home. Felt safe, felt something that I should only be feeling for the man I should marry. Not my brother! As I enter the great hall, all eyes turn on me. Remembering what I had just talked to Ivar about, I keep my head up. I shouldn't be ashamed, or feel as if I'm less than I am.

As I make my way to my father through the crowd once he spots me his eyes light up immediately. Sitting on his thrown he extends his hand and makes me sit on the throne beside his. “My beautiful daughter are you feeling alright now?” He says to me a little louder as if to make sure that people know not to mess with me. “Y..yes father Im feeling much better.” I murmur to him. At that moment my eyes trail off as if to find something that would take me out of this position right now. I have never been one to be the centre of attention. And as much as I wanna believe in myself that I can be a good princess to my people, at the moment that is not going to happen. As I scan the room my eyes land on Hvitserk. He’s eating a piece of chicken las if it were his last meal ever. I cannot help, but to laugh at him and that when he notices. He flashes a smile that could certainly melt any lady’s heart. Without realizing I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and bit my lip. Biting my lip when Im nervous is something Ive always done.

However, what did not realize was Ivar eyeing me from behind him. At that I stop and stare at the ground. As the hours go by, finally the last person leaves the great hall. Leaving only my father and brothers with me. “Sooooo, where is (y/n) supposed to sleep, father?” Asks Ubbe. Coming from behind me Hvitserk puts his arm around my shoulders bringing me closer to his body. “She can sleep with me! I don't mind sharing my bed with her.” At this Ivar scoffs. “Of course you wouldn't, you wouldn’t mind sharing your bed with anything that has a pulse.” I tilt my head trying to figure out whatever he means by that. And all that can be heard is the snickering of my father.

“I was thinking that perhaps I could sleep with Bjorn. You know since we used to share a room when we were little...” I say wishing that what I feel most comfortable with could be taken into account. “I don't know about that one baby sis, you'd have to ask Torvi. She defiantly doesn't like sharing thats for sure.” as Ivar says this he smirks at me while taking bite out of his apple. “Who’s Torvi?” “Wait! Bjorn didn't tell you? He's married.”

At that moment a scream was heard throughout the town.

“Oh My God, Mira!!!!” at that moment I shot out of Hvitserk’s arms and ran as fast as I could. How could I have been so stupid that I left my friend by herself in an unknown place. Seeing the people gathered around Bjorn's cabin only made my heart more nervous. Pushing my way past the crowd I make it up the steps in one piece. But what I saw would forever haunt me. There on the floor lied my once best friend and most trusted subject Mira. And on her back was carved the death rune. All I remember is hitting the floor and watching a pair of worried and frantic electric blue eyes.

#vikings #vikings fandom #vikings fanfiction #vikings history channel #vikings ivar #ivar lothbrok #ivar's heathen army #ivar x reader #ivar #bjorn lothbrok #bjorn ironside #bjorn x reader #hvitserk #hvitserk x reader #ragnarsdottir #ragnar lothbrok #ragnar x lagertha #ask to tag

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spn-ficfanatic · 5 years

Text

F*ck Cancer- Ch 1: The Discovery

SERIES MASTERLIST - CHAPTER TWO

Summary: You’ve been hiding a crushing secret from your best friends (Well, one best friend and one sometimes-lover if you want to get technical about it). How will they react when they find out that the woman they grew up and hunted with for most of their lives, may only have a few months left to live?

Genre: Angst

Characters: Sam x Reader, Dean x Platonic!Reader* *For my Dean ladies: it may not be romantic between him and the reader, but it’s a very close brotherly/sisterly relationship and I still think y’all will really enjoy it :)

Words: 3277

Warnings: Cancer/chemo talk, swearing

A/N: I’ve only written one series prior to this. It was also a Sam x Reader, was 8 parts long just like this, and just like this it marked a huge milestone on my blog. The first chapter of “The One Moment” marked the 100th post I’d made... this marks the 300th :)

Your phone rang as you stared lazily out of the window. You knew you were lucky, not many of the other patients had this view; it certainly made the whole process seem a little less intimidating. Your heart nearly skipped a beat when you saw it was Sam who was calling, for good or bad you weren't sure. You and he had been together in the past, it was never anything serious because the life of a hunter would never allow that, but to say you didn’t have some semblance of feelings for him would be a big fat lie. You took a deep breath and accepted the call, holding your hand over the microphone in an attempt to shield the hospital sounds surrounding you.

“Hey Sam, been a while,” you told him, trying to sound casual. Thankfully you had only just started treatment 10 minutes prior so the vomiting hadn’t started yet, and your voice would definitely have betrayed you in that instance.

“Hey yourself Y/N, been good?” he replied; you could hear the smile in his voice which in turn had you grinning. You really had missed him.

“Can’t complain,” you lied. “How are you and bonehead going?”

“Hey, I resent that,” Dean’s voice protested in the background and you and Sam shared a laugh.

“He’s good, we both are.”

“So, what are you boys up to at the moment? Gimme all the goss,” you begged, reclining in your chair.

“Actually we’ve just finished a case and will be driving through Austin pretty soon to the next one, thought maybe we could stop by and say hi.”

You nearly dropped the phone as you bolted upright. Holding onto it tightly you quickly debated on the best way to handle this. No way were he and Dean going to find out about this, especially not in the middle of treatment.

“Y/N? You there?” he asked, concern filling his voice.

“Shit yer, sorry, I sat back and nearly dropped my phone. Um, now’s not really a good time,” you told him, scrambling to come up with a good excuse.

“Is everything ok? Are you in trouble?” he asked, jumping straight into protective mode. You forced out a laugh.

“It’s all good, I’m just not at home. Hitting a salt and burn a few states over unfortunately.”

“I thought you were having a break from hunting?” Dean asked you skeptically. Curse his big brother senses.

“Yer but this came up and, I dunno, I felt like scratching that itch or something,” you scrambled, picking at a loose thread on your jumper sleeve nervously. “Anyway I think I’ll be here another couple of days so we might have to try for next time. Sorry.”

“No no, it’s fine. Sorry to miss you, was looking forward to it,” Sam replied, sounding pretty beat up. God damn it Winchester!

A nurse started to approach and you realised you had to get off the call before they overheard her talking about your IV line.

“Anyway guys I better get going, it was really great talking to you. I’ll call you tomorrow perhaps?” you rushed.

“Oh, uh, yer sure. That’d be great. Talk soo-”

You had to cut him off, the nurse got too close and was about to open her mouth and blow your cover. You berated yourself for it, he probably thought you didn’t want to see them anymore, and you face palmed yourself and groaned in annoyance.

“Oh hun, is the nausea starting already?” the nurse asked you kindly.

“Yer, only it’s not the chemo this time.”

-----------------------------------------

“Did she just hang up on you?” Dean asked incredulously. Sam was looking at his phone, the call disconnected before he’d even managed to get his sentence out.

“Uh, yer, it would appear so.”

“What the hell did you do to her man?”

Sam held his hands up defensively. “I didn’t do anything! At least I don’t think I did. Things were good last time, we email and message while we’re on the road. I don’t understand what’s going on.”

An awkward silence filled the cabin while the boys each contemplated the exchange.

“Did she sound a little flat to you?” Dean asked, starting to grow concerned.

“I dunno, a little I guess. Maybe this hunt’s taken a lot out of her, it’s been a while.”

“Do you… Nah.”

“What?”

“Well, do you think she was on a hunt? Really? Maybe she’s just avoiding us.”

Sam gave Dean a look, before leaning over and grabbing his laptop from the back seat. Dean kept his eyes on the road while Sam brought up the GPS tracker and put your number in.

“Dude, really? We’re stalking her now? She’s gonna kill you if she finds out you did this, you know that right?”

Sam didn’t answer as he watched the program track your phone, his heart dropping when it landed on the one place he never expected it would.

“Dean, how far away are we from Austin?” he asked as he stared at the screen, his voice sounding a little dangerous.

“Uhhh, a couple of hours. Give or take. Why, is she there?”

“Yer she’s, uh, she’s at Cornerstone Hospital.”

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3 hours later and you were finally done with your chemotherapy treatment for the day. You’d had a bout of nausea a little while ago but generally were starting to come good again. Knowing what happened last time though, you had about 45 minutes to get home before you could barely stand through the pain.

Waiting for the nurse to see you, you drummed your hands on the armrest while you looked around the room. A few people had come and gone in the time you’d been there, some having just a half-hour treatment. You were the youngest there you noticed, and you always got the pity-stare from the older patients when they walked in and saw you. So you kept to yourself… making friends with people at this stage in your life seemed relatively moot.

You were too busy reading a new poster on the wall to hear the heavy footsteps coming down the hall. You may have recognised them if you have been paying attention, you’d heard them on enough hunts in the past. A deep voice broke through your thoughts and turned your blood cold; if you hadn't still been connected to all the wires you might have tried to make a run for it. Instead you took a deep breath and turned to face the brothers. Neither had noticed you yet, their backs to you as they spoke to the nurse at the desk opposite. They were in their FBI gear which surprised you.

“Hello, we're looking for Y/N Y/L/N?” Dean asked in his professional voice.

Sam started looking around the room and before the nurse could point them in your direction, his eyes landed on yours. His jaw dropped as he took your frail form in, and before Dean could even turn around he was headed to you.

“Y/N, what the hell?” he cried, trying not to be too loud but he was obviously upset. Dean too came toward you, you don’t think you’d ever seen him look so worried before.

“Is everything ok here?” the nurse asked as she approached your chair, eyeing the men cautiously.

“Yer it’s all fine Tess, thanks for checking. Could we have a sec before you unhook me?” you asked her quietly. “I need to talk with my friends.”

She nodded with a warm smile and patted your knee gently before walking off to help another patient. You watched her leave, and sighed as you turned back to face the guys. Both were staring at you with mouths agape, and you rolled your eyes and gave a little huff of amusement.

“You guys wanna close your mouths? There’s a few flies buzzing around in here.”

“Don't joke Y/N, this isn't funny,” Dean scolded.

You hung your head. “You're right, I’m sorry. I don’t really know how to talk about this stuff.”

“How long has is been going on?” Sam asked, nearly in a whisper. The guy looked heartbroken, and you felt like dirt.

You rubbed your neck awkwardly, you knew they weren’t going to like the answer you had for them. “Umm, this is my second cycle of chemo.”

Sam tried to stay composed but your admission took him by surprise. “Wha- SECOND? You didn’t think to call me after the first? Why the hell haven't you said anything?” he whispered angrily, trying not to draw attention from the other patients. It was a futile effort though, there wasn’t much entertainment in the treatment room so all eyes were locked on the display.

“Sam please, not here,” you begged, tears starting to form in your eyes as you looked around.

“She's right Sammy,” Dean replied calmly, noticing the attention as well. “Let’s just get her home and we'll figure it all out then.” You let out a breath, thankful to Dean for taking control.

“Thank you. I have my car so I’ll just m-”

“Wait, you drove here?” Dean scolded loudly. Well, so much for having calm big brother on your side.

“Is there a problem with that?” you asked defensively.

“You barely look like you can walk Y/N, let alone drive. What are you thinking?” Dean chided, and your ears grew hot with anger.

“Excuse me?” you asked, your voice low and dangerous. He’d only heard you speak to one other person like that before and it was Crowley when he dared to called you “sweetcheeks”.

He sighed, realising he was out of line, and tried to back-pedal. “I just mean…”

“No, I know what you meant Dean. You know, just because I’m going through this doesn’t make me a damn invalid. And sure I’ve lost a little weight and my hair’s a bit thinner but hey, that’s what’s gonna happen when my body is being pumped with poisoned to kill the asshole tumour growing in my noggin. But none of that really matters because I’ll probably be dead in a few months time anyway.”

As the conversation had become more and more heated the nurse was quietly and graciously removing your IV, she could clearly see this conversation was uncomfortable for you and wanted you to have the option to remove yourself from it if need be. It was all you needed to get up off your chair and start walking out the door, leaving the brothers behind you.

“Go after her and I’ll call security,” you heard Tess warn, and if you hadn’t been pissed as fuck you would have smiled. You’d developed a good repore with her in the time you’d been in the hospital, and considered her your closest friend at this point in your life. No-one else knew about what you were going through, you had quit your job ages ago and were supporting yourself with your safely stored away inheritance. You were thankful to not hear heavy footsteps following after you, and headed quickly to your car to head home. You didn’t know if you’d have enough of a head start to beat them.

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You were panting by the time you reached your front door. The headache had started on the way home and the stress of what had just transpired with the brothers was becoming too much in your state. You grabbed your keys out of your bag but your eyes became blurry, and you leaned your forehead against the door frame as you rubbed the bridge of your nose. Staying where you were you looked down as you found the key you needed, and gently leaned over to put it into the door. The roar of the Impala came around the corner and you groaned… why couldn’t they just give you a little time to process? Bloody men!

To your annoyance the key wasn’t fitting in the lock and you threw your hands up in the air in frustration, your head still resting on the door frame. You heard them pull up to your sidewalk and quickly tried to find the key you needed, only to drop them on the ground.

“What the fuckity fuck!” you cried out loud, stomping your foot in frustration like a 5 year old. You gave up and slumped on the sun chair by your front door, holding your head in your hands with your elbows on your knees. The car doors slammed and you could hear them walking up the path to your front porch.

“Y/N?” Sam called out when he saw you, and when you made no move to greet them he and Dean quickly raced to your side. “Hey, Y/N, you OK?” he asked, brushing the hair behind your ear.

“Stupid fucking key wouldn’t go in the stupid fucking lock,” you told him bitterly, and you heard Dean pick them up.

“I see the brain tumour hasn’t dampened your potty mouth,” Dean told you wryly, and you lifted your head gently to look at him.

“Did you just joke about my cancer?” you asked him with a smirk. He cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable with the mention of the C word, but he pushed through it and gave a tight smile.

“Do you need Sam’s help to get inside?”

“Um, I don’t think so. I think I’ll be ok, thanks,” you responded, giving Sam a smile as you stood. You screamed at yourself internally when your left knee buckled, and quick as a flash Sam’s arms were around you.

“Y/N?” he asked, sounding more scared than you liked to hear from him. You closed your eyes and nodded, swallowing thickly.

“I’m ok, just tired. Maybe I could use the help after all,” you admitted, not daring to meet his gaze. You were grateful when he didn’t swoop you into his arms, instead wrapping your arm over his shoulder and supporting you as you walked into your living room together. Dean grabbed your bag and put it on the floor by the door as he closed it, following you both.

Once Sam had you seated on the couch he took the spot next to you, Dean opting to lean against the wall instead.

“Do you need anything?” Sam asked, watching you carefully.

You shook your head. “I’m ok. You guys help yourself though, there’s some beer in the fridge I think.” When Dean’s jaw clenched you gave a small smile. “I keep it there for you guys, I’m not drinking I swear.”

He relaxed and nodded, crossing his arms over his chest letting the room fall into an uncomfortable silence. You found yourself picking at your sweater sleeve as you considered your next move.

“Thank you,” you told them quietly. “For not making me feel completely useless right now. I’m sorry I blew up at the hospital, that wasn’t fair.”

“No, you’re under a lot of stress, we get it,” Sam told you kindly, and you shook your head.

“You didn’t deserve that. What you did deserve to know was that I’m sick, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just didn’t know how, I tried so many times but it just wouldn’t come out.”

“It’s a, uh, brain tumour?” Dean asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yer, found out about a couple of months ago I think. I dunno, the days are starting to run together a little bit.”

“What do the doctors say?” Sam asked, and you could hear the reluctance as he did. He didn’t want to know this anymore than you didn’t want to tell him. You sighed, and looked up to meet their gaze.

“It’s aggressive, growing fast and they can’t operate right now. They’re trying to slow it down and hopefully shrink it with chemo before looking at surgery as an option, but because of where it’s located and the speed that it’s growing they think there’s only a 5% chance they’ll be able to remove it before it… before it, ah…” you stumbled, clearing your throat as your eyes started to fill with tears. Shaking your head slightly, you swallowed down the massive lump in your throat before continuing. “I probably won’t make it, is basically what I’m trying to say.”

Silence filled the room, and you let it this time. You were beyond exhausted, the treatment and this conversation were draining the very last of your energy. Despite your best efforts your eyelids began to droop, you barely noticed when you started to slide toward the cushions. Gentle murmurs barely broke through your haze, and you couldn’t find the energy even to acknowledge the one of them who lifted you up bridal style and carried you up the stairs to your bedroom. The fluffy pillows and quilt enveloped you, and without ever opening your eyes you drifted off to sleep.

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Sam stood at your bedside, watching you sleep. He'd never seen you looking so vulnerable, and it was scaring the crap out of him. This wasn't a monster he could fight for you, not a battle he could try and win on your behalf. This was the one thing no hunter ever expected to die from, knowing it would simply be too cruel an irony to befall them. And yet here you were: half the size you used to be, pale as a ghost and so frail you could barely stand. He stayed watching you for a while, making an easy decision in the process. Regardless of what Dean thought, he wouldn't be leaving this house without you again.

“Hey, did she stay asleep?” Dean asked as Sam came down the stairs and through to the kitchen. He had cracked a couple of beers and was currently whipping up some pancakes, their first home cooked meal since the last time they were in your house 3 months ago.

“Yer. Um, Dean, we need to talk-”

“So I was thinking that Y/N might be better off in the downstairs bedroom,” Dean started, cutting Sam off. “If she wants to that is. Just makes sense with the chemo kicking her in the ass so bad. You could take the study next to her so one of us is nearby, and I could take her room. Or vice versa, I don’t mind. Oh, and I had a quick look and there's a job going at a garage a few blocks from here, figured I could go out after we ate something and see if they'll take me on. Thought you’d rather be home for Y/N to take her to appointments and such, so no need to find you a job. We can figure out the rest when she wakes up. Now, do you want strawberries or blueberries with your pancakes?”

As Dean turned around holding two plates of stacks he found Sam staring at him like he was possessed. Dean rolled his eyes and took the plates to the dining table, heading back to the fridge for the toppings leaving Sam to catch up.

“So… you want to stay?” Sam asked incredulously.

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Dean asked defensively as he sat down, quickly shoving a large bite of pancake into his mouth.

“I dunno,” Sam shrugged. “I guess I just wasn’t expecting you to go all apple pie life on me.”

“This is for Y/N. She's saved our lives more times than I can count, now it's our turn to save hers. She's family,” he said with finality, gently pushing Sam’s plate toward him and gesturing for him to sit down. Sam smiled broadly and did as requested, mentally planning out the new life they were making for themselves.

CONT.

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SERIES MASTERLIST - CHAPTER TWO

Tag Lists (Open)

Series Taglist: @deghostyboi , @dreaminemz

“Dean/Jensen” taglist: @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk, @perpetualabsurdity, @mlovesstories

“Everything” taglist: @angelsandwinchesters, @grace-for-sale, @growningupgeek, @iamnotsaneatall, @nanie5, @waywardasfudge, @im-dead-inside05, @julzdec, @adoptdontshoppets, @meghanbeinghappy, @sleepylunarwolf , @sammysgirl1997, @imaginationisgrowth, @screechingartisancashbailiff

People who requested tags, that I cannot tag (but will still mention because I feel bad :( ): @ronja-uebrick, @lilydarcy

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derpyslurpy-da-derp-master · 5 years

Note

All the personal asks plz

Alrighty then!

1. Any scars?

Mhm, pretty much all the scars I have are burns. One is from burning the side of my arm on an iron my mom had standing upright that I brushed against trying to reach something on the counter behind it and I’ve got one or two other scars from my culinary class on my hands from trying to put a tray in the oven and bumping it on the rungs above the ones I was putting it on. I burnt my hand day one of actually cooking. Yes I’m a disaster.

2. Self harmed?

Absolutely not. One, I’m too scared of pain, and two, I have uh… An unpleasant history involving someone else threatening self harm to make me do what they wanted, so… It’s a really sore spot for me.

3. Crush?

I honestly have no idea.

4. Kissed anyone?

Nope

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Neither they make me physically ill

6. Someone you hate?

There’s a LOT of assholes at my school but the person I hate the most is probably my dad for reasons.

7. Best Friends?

Mhm! I’ve got a handful on this site but my IRL best friend is @theansweris-a. She doesn’t really get on tumblr anymore but if you’re reading this I love you friendo and have a good day! :D

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

hahaha fuCK NO. I’d rather not get addicted to something that can and will kill me and throw my money at people to sustain it. If someone offered me either I’d probably flip them off whilst slowly backing up and getting tf out of there because NO.

9. What’s your dream job?

Author/Illustrator with some VA work and Video Game directing on the side.

10. Ever been in love?

I have. It was with someone I didn’t have a chance with and who would be an absolutely awful lover to me since we weren’t compatible emotion-wise so I let it go. It was hard, but I did it.

11. Last time you cried?

Last Sunday trying to explain to my mom why our preacher and the church we go to has completely fallen out of my favor for it’s very loud blatant ‘LGBT people are bad abortion is evil insert other white conservative stuff here’ ‘cause she doesn’t know I’m LGBT+ (and it’s going to stay that way) and I was trying to explain to her why I would never say invite my LGBT friends to church because they would be mercilessly persecuted by people who call themselves followers of God then spit in his eye by doing the exact opposite of everything he’s asked of them. Yes I still feel really strongly about this.

12. Favorite color?

Cyan!

13. Height?

How coincidence, I just got it measured today! 5′6, FINALLY OFFICIALLY TALLER THEN MY MOM MUHAHAHAHAHA

14. Birthday?

November 17th!

15. Eye color?

Milk chocolately-brown

16. Hair color?

Dark brown

17. What do you love?

this is so open ended hjkfjfjkhgkjh okay then I love girls, video games, anime, writing, drawing, reading, and animals.

18. Obsession?

My top 3 in order of obsession; Kill La Kill, RWBY, and Kingdom Hearts.

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

For every single illness, disease, syndrome, disorder, and so on to have a cure. From Cancer to Asthma. Both because I have so many incurable diseases/disorders and because I know there are people out there who have things so much worse than me in that department.

20. Do you love someone?

I love all my mutals, friends, and most of my family including extended family.

21. Kiss or hug?

I’ve never been kissed so I don’t know anything about how that would be so I’d say hug because I love hugs!

22. Nicknames people call you?

Derpy, Slurpy, D-Slur, Resident Cinnamon Roll (That’s my actual nickname on a Revue Starlight discord)

23. Favorite song?

this is like asking me to pick my favorite child uhhhhh… This Life Is Mine by Jeff Williams, it just means a lot to me.

24. Favorite band?

i know no bands by name

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

….Okay, uh, this is gonna be really hard to decide because a LOT of bad things have happened to me. I’ll go with the more physical choice because I’d rather not dump too much of my emotional baggage onto yall. One time I was being prepped for surgery and they needed to get the IV in. (for the record I’m shaking pretty badly right now from thinking about this) They had to stab my arm with what they called a ‘Bee sting’ (it wasn’t a bee sting it goes almost down to the bone) that had numbing stuff in it and they were trying to find a vein they could put my IV in but they couldn’t find one (okay now i’m typing really fast so I don’t have to think about this for long) and they kept stabbing my arm over and over again. The thing is I have a serious phobia of needles that sends me into panic attacks, I’ll go lightheaded I’ll lose my hearing and so on. So I was trying to put a brave face on despite my parents not even being there but they would. not. stop. They didn’t give me a break. It was one stab then another then another then another. I was having a full blown panic attack, I was almost crying. Then they seemed to get it. They left me for a bit and my parents came in. My arm started swelling. They HADNT got it. My arm was being filled with whatever my IV was. They came back in with the beesting. They started stabbing me again but on the other arm. I couldn’t keep a brave face anymore after thinking they were finally done. I started to cry and sob and the panic attack I had that day was the single worst I have ever had. It got worse. They missed a vein entirely and instead hit a bundle of nerves. My hand started involuntarily twitching as pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before or until now wracked my arm. I had actual trauma from this, the night after the surgery I kept feeling ghost pains of the stabs in my arms, I had to sleep on my stomach with my arms wrapped around my front just to make them go away. I’m still extremely traumatized of this to this day. I never want to have surgery again. I never want an IV again.

Okay that got away from me there I’m sorry I kinda was having a panic attack while writing that. Anyways moving on.

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

This is gonna sound cheesy but meeting @theansweris-a. She’s the sweetest and kindest person I have ever met in my entire life and I feel so incredibly lucky to call her my friend, though knowing her she’ll see this and reply with ‘No U’ because we always end up in a shouting match of ‘YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’ ‘NO YOU’RE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’

27. Something you would change about yourself?

I definitely would lose weight. Not because of societies bullshit but because I legitimately want to lose weight so I can actually get strong and build up some muscle, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO OPEN GATORADE BOTTLES GODDAMNIT

28. Ever dated someone?

Nope, I’m closeted and have no interest in even pretending I’m straight by dating a guy, I mean I know some genuinely nice guys (all of them dorks) but they’re all just my friends though they are massive goofballs and I love them very much. (Entirely platonically)

29. Worst mistake?

I… Don’t think you guys wanna know that. It’s nothing bad its just depressing and I don’t wanna be more depressing then I already have been.

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

Depends on which is better, like I’d rather watch the Chronicles of Narnia than read the books because the books are honestly terrible but I’d rather read Percy Jackson than watch the movie because the movies are incredibly unfaithful to the books.

31. Ever had a heartbreak?

Yeah…

32. Favorite show?

Kill La Kill!

33. Best day of your life?

My cheesiness never ceases but the first time I actually hung out with @theansweris-a IRL at the mall. I remember being SO excited for it but also nervous that how easily we talk to each other wouldn’t translate into real life and I remember spotting her walking up and practically shouting her name before running up and giving her a big ol’ hug whilst crying happy tears (I know i’m sappy shut up) and then when we were let loose to walk around we quickly discovered that we clicked almost immediately and incredibly well it was just the best thing ever. Like, in that one day alone we spent six hours in that mall just chatting and buying stuff and having fun and we left the mall with like three different inside jokes despite it being our first time meeting in person since we first met. Hi my name is Derpy and I’m a big ol’ sap.

34. Any talents?

I’m pretty good at writing, I can type really fast, and I can play the harmonica.

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

Absolutely not. Things are the way they are for a reason, and even though I’ve been through a LOT it’s because of all that that I’m the person I am today and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

36. Any bad habits?

Yeah, I’m a nail biter.

37. Ever had a near death experience?

Yes actually, when I was 3 or 4 we took a plane to California to visit some relatives and I almost walked out of the air hatch one the way out, I remember this vividly even though it was a long time ago. If it wasn’t for the flight attendant grabbing me before I fell out, I wouldn’t be here today.

38. Someone I can tell anything to?

@theansweris-a and @my-words-are-light, they’re both really good listeners and have helped me through a lot of stuff.

39. Ever lost a loved one?

My Great Grandpa Ritch died shortly after I was born, there’s a lot of pictures of him smiling and holding me while in a hospital bed and hooked up to oxygen.

40. Do you believe in love?

Oh absolutely, 100%. I mean if you know me you already know that I have just ABSURD amounts of love in my heart and I genuinely believe that it exists.

41. Someone you hate/Dislike?

Wasn’t this already a question?

42. Are you okay?

Mostly, yeah. I have some stuff to work on but I’m honestly at the best i’ve ever been!

43. Relationship status?

I’m a Single Pringle

#Ask #Original

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sanguinarysanguinity · 5 years

Text

Navigatio Britannica: Planar Trigonometry

Chapter 4: Of Trigonometry, Sections I - V

The first half of this chapter is Planar Trigonometry, which I learned in high school and have used on-and-off ever since; the second half of this chapter is Spherical Trigonometry, which I know nothing about. Consequently, I’m dividing this chapter into two parts -- before we let John Barrow attempt to teach me spherical trig (wish me luck!), I want to do a fast recap of what he has to say about planar trig...

Section I: Definitions

Everything is defined geometrically, on the unit circle, via a diagram that I have yet to find in this scan. (Also, even if I do find the page, I don’t have much hope that it will have been scanned correctly, since Google’s scanning machine can turn pages but not unfold them.) Happily, Barrow is pretty good about describing his figures in enough detail that I can reconstruct them as I go, which is the only reason I was able to understand anything in this chapter.

Not many surprises here, although I did learn that cosine, cotangent, and cosecant are the sine, tangent, and secant of the complementary angle, and likewise that the tangent of an angle is called the tangent because its physical instantiation lives on a line tangent to the circle. Also, Barrow defines the Verse-Sine, which was new to me: geometrically, it is the part of the radius that isn’t the cosine. (Algebraically, it is 1 - cosine.) Wikipedia says the versine was important to navigation, so I assume it will come up later.

Section II: Geometrical Constructions of the Tables of Sines, Tangents, Secants, &c.

In which we are instructed to build ourselves a unit circle, mark it off in 1-degree intervals, and construct ourselves a... well, it’s gonna look a bit like a ruler, but it’s going to measure 1 to 90 degrees, on several parallel scales: chords, sines, versed-sines, tangents, etc. To make this thing, you use your compass and measure the length of a chord for a 10-degree angle, then mark it on your chords-scale, and label it “10 deg.” Repeat for the other 89 degrees, and ta-dah, you have a chords-scale! Then do it again for sines, versed-sines, tangents, and so on. When we get to actually solving trig problems, how to use this scale is one of the three standard methods that Barrow is going to teach us.

Section III: Arithmetical Constructions of the Tables of Sines, &c.

First off, Barrow reassures us this is going to be easy-peasy, no need to panic -- which is our first cue that panicking will be required before we’re done.

But true to his word, Barrow starts out easy, using similar triangles to prove all the basic trigonometric identities: tan = sin/cos, sec = 1/cos, etc. All well and good, except it’s all done in proportions and nothing is called out by name, only by referring to various line-segments in his nowhere-to-be-found unit circle diagram. All of which makes it difficult to absorb at a glance, but once you finish decoding everything this is basically just SOHCAHTOA.

Then he proves two variants on the standard trigonometric sum/difference formulas (although he expresses them as proportions and via verbal descriptions, talking about the means of equi-different angles and the differences between them):

cos x = (1/2) (sin y + sin (y + 2x)) / sin (y + x)

sin x = (1/2) (sin (y + 2x) - sin y) / cos (y + x)

You can verify those via the standard trigonometric sum/difference identities if you want. (I did.) But they’re also pretty straightforward geometrically, if you take the time to very carefully reconstruct what his diagram must have been: in the end, it’s all just similar triangles. He then proves several corollaries -- which in hindsight are simple enough (just straightforward algebraic manipulations, multiplying everything by two, or both sides by the denominator), but sadly, I lost MANY HOURS to a rash of typos in them.

Then.

Oh, then.

All hell breaks loose as he endeavours to prove that a semi-circle has an arc-length of pi. I admit to not following this bit: I haven’t seen Newton’s notation for calculus since I was seventeen, when that one weirdo physics professor used it in lectures, and I didn’t really feel like re-teaching it to myself for this. Nor did I really want to get into re-teaching myself binomial expansions. Also, the type-face on all the fractions in the expansions was super-squinchy to read, and you know what, fuck it, I think it’s well-established that a semi-circle has an arc-length of pi, let’s move on.

The point of establishing that a semi-circle has an arc-length of pi is so that we can calculate the arc-length of one minute (simply divide pi by 10,800 minutes, easy-peasy), which we will then use as an approximation of the sine of one minute. ... Which, okay, I suppose if your angle is small enough and your applications are practical enough you can get away with that? But it makes the mathematician in me cry, I’m just saying. (Even as I admit that you really can get away with it for most purposes: according to my handy-dandy TI-84 Plus, pi/10800 differs from sin(1′) in the ninth significant digit. But Dr. Roberts and Dr. Chrestenson would never have let me get away with that shit, never mind that I also have an engineering degree and thus should be okay with this kind of ruthless practicality. In my soul there is a mathematician and an engineer battling to the death over questions like these, you simply don’t know how much shit like this wounds me.)

Anyway, once I finally got over my fit of vapours...

Now that we have an approximation for the sine of one minute, we can calculate the cosine of one minute via the pythagorean trigonometric identity, and then...

And now I want to cry again, because now we get to build our table of sines (and along with it, our table of cosines), minute by freaking goddamn minute, by using the above equations like so:

2 cos (1′) sin (1′) - sin (0′) = sin (2′)

2 cos (2′) sin (2′) - sin (1′) = sin (3′)

2 cos (3′) sin (3′) - sin (2′) = sin (4′)

...

Continue until I cry blood and the seas boil dry.

(At one point Barrow admits that it’s possible to build this table in 5-minute increments and interpolate the intervening minutes when you need them. While this reduces the task to 1/5th of the original, I still want to hug and rock myself and cry.)

Happily, I don’t need to cry, because Barrow includes these tables in the book? But someone cried blood to make those tables, and John Barrow wants us all to know it.

Section IV: Actual Trigonometry Problems, At Long Last!

A ton of sample problems, all worked three ways:

Geometrically: Basically, use a compass and straight edge and your scale-thingie of chords/sines/secants that you made earlier, and draw a triangle of the correct proportions. Then just read/measure your answer right off the actual triangle in question, ta-dah! No abstract math required, just pretty pictures!

Arithmetically: What you learned in high-school, using the tables that someone cried blood over but without calculators (although you can use logs if you want to skip ahead to chapter five for them!) God, it looks miserable and grindingly awful, and I admit I don’t have the strength of character to follow any of these calculations through to the end.

Magic, I mean, Gunter’s Scale: The instructions here are amazingly low-key -- use your chart-dividers (what tumblr calls a pointy-leg-man what it likes to make walk on tippy-toes across charts) to measure off an interval on one scale, and then drop that same interval across the appropriate second scale, and voila! You have found your answer!

Of course I wanted to know what this magical tool is!

Apparently it was a slide rule without the slidey parts -- you used your dividers to accomplish what the slidey bit does on a slide rule -- but with some extra scales especially chosen for the convenience of navigators.

Apparently these things were so common among navigators that they were simply called Gunters, and I WANT ONE SO BAD. Here’s a nifty article about them, complete with pictures, and did I say? I WANT ONE SO BAD. I collect old-school mathematical tools and I WANT ONE SO BAD.

Ahem.

Anyway, Section V is more trig homework, except now we’re no longer dealing with right triangles. I admit it, I skimmed this like fuck.

And ta-dah! That’s Planar Trigonomometry, according to John Barrow in Navigatio Britannica, or, A Complete Guide to Navigation, pub. 1750!

Up next: Section VI - Spherical Trigonometry, what makes William Bush cry. Do I have the fortitude to teach myself spherical trig? PLACE YOUR BETS NOW.

#navigatio britannica #john barrow #age of sail #trigonometry #long post

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heyitslapis · 6 years

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Ok let's see... its been about 3 weeks since i posted last, give or take a few days. And I'll just say its been an interesting and exhausting few weeks.

Still trying to completely get over my dumbf*ck feelings for Alex. I'm not really doing a super great job at that, and still get random depressive moments that last a varying amount of time, but usually i just push my pity party to the side after about 2 minutes.

On the 3rd of June, Alex went up to see part of her family and join them on a cruise to Columbia. She said wont be back until maybe the 3rd or 4th of July at the earliest. I kinda miss her, but I feel like spending a month physically apart from her will do me some good. Her and i still snap back and fourth to save our streak and to day good morning. Whenever she cant find wifi, she turns on her dad's personal hotspot so she can send me at least one snap to keep our streak rolling (we are the longest streak we have with anyone on our snapchats, and it stands currently at 261 days.) The day after she left the streak sorta died for the day, but she was able to save it cause she was in a different time zone.

Since she's been gone, we've hired several new people at work, many if which being new hosts (thank God tbh, cause this means after theyre all done training and get a couple weeks to get used to everything i can train as a server and hopefully make a little more money). One of them is Giovanni's sister (Gio is a guy that works there. Mostly does dish, sometimes hosts.) And apparently she likes me? About a week before she started they came in to eat with their mom and after they left Gio was like "Dude, i think my sister likes you."

Hey, some random girl actually has a crush on me for the first time in my life? That's cool! Right? It would be, if she weren't 17. If i were still 18 or 19, i wouldnt really care. But now that im 20, even though we only have a 2 year and almost 6 month age difference, i still feel like its weird. I feel like im in a whole new age threshold now that ive hit that 2 decade mark, and she just seems to me like a kid. Anyway, Sammy (thats her) is bi with a preference for girls. She's very forward about asking the girls at work about their sexuality (she'll be mid convo and just be like "wait; you straight?") She makes a hobby of flirting with the straight girls, because as she says it, she can easily flirt with straight girls bc she knows she wont have a chance. As soon as she knows theyre bi or gay, she cant even really talk to them. Sammy flirts with me in excess, has asked me 3 times if im straight, or if im sure that i am (homegirl has only been here like two weeks), and the reason why is because she would happily let me break her heart, and has said thats its too bad im not gay bc if i was she would let me crush her. Also has told me that i remind her of her ex girlfriend, and when i said idk if thats supposed to be a compliment or not, she said "well i really liked her, so..." Oh and btw all 3 times shes asked, I've told her im straight (yknow, bc im not out to the irl general public) and I'll just say that having to lie outloud about my sexuality does not feel that great. Thats not something ive ever had to verbally do before, and now i understand. Tbh i dont really lie, or at least i very rarely do, bc i dont like it, and i want to be seen as trustworthy. i have told my share of lies in my day, but i feel like that was in the top 3 worst lies ive ever told. Simply because i know thats not who i am, yet im saying it anyway.

Besides that, in these last couple weeks ive:

Gotten my computer hacked and almost got scamed out of the piddly $120 dollars total that is in my bank account for me to try to live off of until next Fridays paycheck, and almost got my brother's bank account hacked (looong f*ckin story. Short version, im a gotdang fool, and people are absolute bastards), so now i cant use my computer until i get it looked at, which means no art (sucks bc i wanted to draw myself a bi pride icon)

Put in 103 hours at work in the last 2 weeks

Had our only available car break down twice

Got about half of our kitchen painted. Still need to find time to finish it

Purchased tickets for a convention, and bought almost everything i need to finish my cosplay.

Have a sore in the back of my mouth thats been plaguing me for over a week (finally starting to heal. Its been hurting to do so much as talk, much less eat or drink)

Had to deal with everyone's attitudes at work (some sh*ts going on with the moon and everyones been a pissy ass lately, and im so over it)

The pain in the ass girl at work that we've been trying to get rid of for over a year called in and quit 15 minutes before her literal last shift (Father's day) and our proprietary manager told her "its bullshit that you just found out that your other job scheduled you to work today 15 minutes before you had to come here" and "dont try to come back to this store again". Im ecstatic about it tbqh and feel a small sense of victory about the whole thing.

One of my favorite gays from work had his last shift Saturday night and im still sad about it.

It may not seem like much but its just all around every other day something else small happened to add to the weird and crazy smorgasbord that is my life.

Also bless Sammy bc yesterday was Father's Day, and because of that, i was in the building of my work at 9:45am, started working to get set up at 10, opened around 10:50, and didnt stop until about 8:50pm, 10 minutes before we closed. Our proprietary manager bought us tons of pizza and snacks in the middle of our shift so that we could all take turns having a 10 minute breather, but other than that it was non-stop work and dedication to the customer. At 9:50am my brother went to the Duncan Donuts down the road from us to get the handful of morning people either coffee or bagels or whatever they asked for. I told my brother to get me the english muffin with egg and cheese, and if they had the option, to add sausage to it. Also to tell Sammy i said hi (because she works at that Duncan also, and was there yesterday morning). My brother comes back with breakfast, hands me my food and said that Sammy made it especially for me. (At that time i was also in a bad mood bc i was tired from working four open doubles in a row, and was stressed, so that really lifted my spirits a bit. The food, and the thought that someone made it especially for me.) And i'll just say she just earned my love for the next week at least.

Anyway i think thats all for now loves. I dont have a very eventful life, but i sure do have a busy one.

#my life #avatarkorvira speaks #poor sammy thinks im quote ''really cute'' and ''f*cking adorable'' and im kinda glad she thinks im straight #like her second night training with me she asked how old i was and when i said 20 she said ''damn''#then later when i asked her age (even though i alreadu knew she was 17) she refused to tell me specifically #like shed tell anyone else (including my sister) but not me #and you see at work with certain people ill be like playfully flirty with them just as one of the many ways i show friendliness #like i do it to alex and heather and marissa and molly and several others. but theyre all adults #i know for a fact sammy is a minor. so i told her im not gonna make crude or flirty jokes with her and she doesnt like that #also i just realized that i only joke flirt with girls at work #mostly thats just because im more comfortable with the gals. that and every guy there is either annoying or nasty #and i wouldnt be able to interact with them that way without them making it really gross or thinking im actually hitting on them #and if i ever truely hitting on any of the guys at work someone smack me in the back of the head bc ew #alex #sammy

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axelsagewrites · 7 years

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My secret place-Lightwood family x reader

Masterlist HERE

Wattpad HERE

This is a about the 2nd youngest lightwood who feels like they’re being ignored. Its just a bit long. Sorry not sorry. Hope you enjoy.

Ever since I was born i’ve been in someone else’s shadow. Im (Y/N) Lightwood. Im 3 years younger than Alec, 2 years younger than Izzy and Jace and 5 years older than Max. Since im not the youngest Mum and Dad don't pay me as much attention as Max needs but im also not old enough to make my own decisions or go on solo missions (according to my older siblings anyway.). Now that Clary, Simon and Magnus are here its worse.

I always loved sketching but im not that good at it (in my/your opinion anyway) and don't really show it off. One day at the institute we were all sitting in a spare room we (mainly me/you) had converted to a mundane style living room. I was sitting on the floor (there were no seats left) and Clary noticed me drawing and looked over my shoulder to see. “Oh cute! You draw too, let me see.” she said not giving me time to stop her before she had already took my sketch book. She started flicking through and my siblings all looked through it as well. “Your good for your age.” Clary smiled. She meant it as a compliment but it made me feel small, like a child. I snatched it out her hands muttering a “Thanks” “Hey why dosent Clary give you lessons (Y/N)?” Jace suggested. “Yeah totally!” Clary said. I just smiled and nodded before excusing myself to go the bathroom. Instead I went to my secret spot in the institute.

I was always one upped by someone else. Its so annoying. Anything I like or do someone else does better. I play (Your fav instrument) and Simon's in a band. I like make up but Magnus is a god at it. Jace, well Jace is quite literality the best shadow hunter of his age, so no matter how good I get at (your fav weapon) he’s the best over all. Since Izzy's so beautiful I try to style my outfits to live up to my siblings but she's always jaw dropping with boys fawning over her. And Alec is the leader. Its kind of understandable because he's the oldest but he's always painted as the responsible one no matter how sensible I try to be.

I cant even use the fact im younger as an advantage because max is 5 years younger than me. And he likes reading (manga but it counts) so im not the reader, he is. Yesterday I had finnaly convinced Mum to let me go on a solo mission and Alec crashed it. I had got into gear and was going to get my (your fav weapon) and 2 seraph blades from the weapons rack when I saw Alec ruining his arrows. “Hey” I said grabbing my weapon. He nodded his head. As I was reaching for a Seraph blade I asked “Are you going on a solo mission or something?” slightly confused because Jace had told me they were having a day off and that's why I got the mission. “No, im going with you.” He said putting his quiver over his shoulder. “Eh no your not,” I laughed slightly. “Its just a small mission so Mum said I could fly solo.” I went to walk out but he followed. “Tough luck. You never know how big a mission is until you get there” I stopped now we were just out of the doors. “No Alec, its just to kill a few imps that are gathering round a mundie school” I said rolling my eyes and walking away. “They're still dangerous if there's a lot of them.” He pointed out. “Only if they are a swarm of at least two hundred. But they only reported twenty of them.” I said frustrated. “You never now.” By the angel this is annoying. I just stayed quiet and went along with it. We did the mission in under half an hour and were heading back to the institute.

I had went on a couple of group missions with the gang and now it was approaching my birthday. Not approaching, it was today. No one had said anything and it was going to be dinner time in an hour. My older siblings went out on a mission this morning but still weren't back. Mum and Dad had to go back to Idris for something, but wouldn't tell me, and had taken Max. I was training when I decided to find out if they would want me to make dinner for them or not. (I cooked but not as good as mum so no one really noticed.)

Hey Sis, do you want me to save some of my b-day dinner for you guys or no?

I added the bit about my birthday to make sure they remembered. About 10 minuites later she finnaly texted back. No. Come down to Taki’s and have dinner with us I sighed. I had already cooked dinner for everyone and now woldnt get to eat it.

K. When? She told me now so I put the (favorite food) in a container with a note saying not to eat it and left.

By the time I got there they had already ordered and had gotten me a cheese burger and fries. They had pushed two tables together. One of four and one of two with a chair stuck on the end. Guess that ones for me. “Hey guys,” It was Simon, Clary and Jace on one side with Jace beside me. On the other side was Izzy, Alec and Magnus on the other with Magnus next to me. “Hey (Annoying Nickname)” Simon grinned at me as I sat down. I just grimmaced as the others laughed. “Happy Birthday,” Clary said reaching under the table to grab a plastic bag. “we got you some stuff. I didn't wrap it though cause I suck at it.” she grinned, passing me the bag. Inside was a sketch book, coloured pencils and normal pencils. “Now Clary can give you lessons with decent stuff,” Jace said, proudly “I got you a new seraph blade but its back at the institute.” of course the best shadow hunter got you a weapon. “Max told me you like to read so here.” Simon passed me a couple comics and I thanked him, not pointing out it was Max into comics and mangas. “I got you some new clubbing clothes but their back at the institute.” Alec frowned at the idea of you in clubbing clothes and I was slightly scared of seeing them but said cool none the less. “You will not be going clubbing anytime soon.” Alec gave me a pointed look I just rolled my eyes while Magnus muttered something about teenage angst. The he snapped his fingers and a box appeared in his hands. It was beautiful wrapped. “This is how a gift should be presented,” he looked around the table, eyes settling on Clary before handing me the box. “They're you go kitten” I tried to smile but that nickname. The others sniggered as I opened the box. Inside was a bunch of eyeliners, eye shadows and lipsticks. All bright. Mostly glittery. They had all gotten me the things they liked. “Thanks” I said putting it on the ground next to my chair with my other presents. We started eating and I zoned out. I couldn't help but think about how they had all gotten me something they liked. Clary with art. Jace, a weapon. Simon, comics. Izzy, clothes probably showing way to much skin. Magnus, glittery and bold make-up. And Alec, nothing at all. Same with mum and dad. I sound so spoiled thinking about it but I couldn't help it. They didn't ask what I wanted, or gave me stuff I would actually wanted. They didn't invite me out to dinner before I asked. They hadn't talked to me all day and had told me to meet them for food I didn't like that much instead of eating the food I made at home as a family. “Hey (Y/N/N), what you thinking about.” Alec said snapping me from my thoughts. I just muttered “nothing” not looking up, knowing they had all stopped talking to look at me. “It dosent look like nothing,” Izzy said looking at me questioningly. “You could break the fork with that grip.” I looked down and noticed I had grabbed the fork by the handle and was squeezing as hard as I could. I dropped the fork and noticed there was a small cut because of how tight I had been holding it. “(Y/N) what's wrong?” Clary asked. I snapped. “You!” she recoiled looking like she was about to cry. “All of you! You got me the things you liked for my birthday! I was alone all day at home. I made a special dinner and even a cake because I didn't think any of you were going to come home for a while. Im always in your shadows and the back of your minds that you just don't care! You refuse to call the institute home and you treat me like im a child and im sick of it!” I realised my voice had risen and that people were starting to look. I could feel me eyes tearing up and I wanted to get out of there. I scrapped my chair back and ran out.

I went straight home and to my secret place. It was an old abandon room on the highest floor. To get to it you had to go through a hatch in the cupboard of our mundie style living room, and climb up a ladder 2 stories high. I had snuck blankets and pillows up and had made a little set up in one of the corners. I had figured out a way to run electricity up here and fixed the over head light even though I mainly used the fairy lights in the corner. It was basically a blanket fort in the corner. I stored some of my private stuff up here and would play my (your instrument). I also could train up her without others seeing. Laying down face forward on my makeshift bed while my phone was blaring. I checked and saw that they were asking were I was. They thought I went back to the institute and now they couldn't find me. I debated telling them were my hiding spot was so I just texted Alec back saying, My secret place

3rd pov Alec was in the ‘mundie living room’ as he and his siblings always said to annoy (Y/N) when he saw his phone dinged and that (Y/N) had texted him. He immediately shouted on the guys saying to come over. They all looked at his phone. “What do you think she means?” Jace asked looking confused. “Yeah ive never heard of a secret place.” Izzy said looking round the four. Magnus and Simon had went home deciding it would just cause a scene with two downworlders running round the institute but had said they would look around before going home. “I think that's why it says secret Izzy.” Clary said receiving a scowl from the Lightwood girl. “Well as she said we don't really talk to her a lot.” Alec said taking his phone back from Jace. “Don't say tha-” “Its true,” Alec cut his parabatai off “we are always concerned with something else or with her safety that we never actually talk to as friends.” (Y/N) had climbed down the ladder to were the trap door to the closet was and had put on a hearing rune. She was happy to finnaly see one them noticing. She decided to let one of them in.

Go into the closet. Don't tell the others and don't talk.

‘Weird’ Alec thought but none the less complied. “Guys maybe you should go check around the institute” he suggested. The rest nodded and they all left the room and split up. 10 seconds later he came back in and opened the closet and went inside, closing the door behind him. He looked up confused and saw a opened trap door and ladder. He then saw how the boxes under the trap door so that someone shorter could reach the ladder. He didn't need the boxes so instead just started climbing.

(Y/N) pov I had just sat back down in my makeshift bed when I heard Alec starting to climb. The rune started fading off so I just laid back thinking if im going to regret this. After about 2 minutes Alec arrived and climbed out. He looked around before finnaly seeing me lying on my stomach looking over at him. He walked over and sat down beside me. He wasn't looking at me but instead my secret place. Obviously there was the blanket fort but at one side of the room was a training set up and in another corner some shelves that were up here when I found it that I had used for storage. He also noticed how I had an old, small mundie TV set up with a stack of VHS tapes that I had got from a charity shop. “So this is your secret place? Not bad.” he said finally looking at me. “Thanks. Its not much but its mine.” He frowned slightly at that. I laid my head in my arms and looked up at him. “You can lie down in my fortress, if you take your shoes off. Get it dirty and I'll kill you.” I looked at him seriously and he just rolled his eyes and smiled before taking his boots and jacket off. He laid down on his front next to me but had to bend his legs to fit him all in. I started laughing at him. “You’re like a spaghetti noodle.” I said between laughs and he started laughing too. We got quiet and then he started talking. “Why do you have a secret place? Do you not like hanging out with us?” I sighed. “I do its just that…. You guys steal all my things and do them better.” I huffed making Alec look at me confused. “Not actual things. I mean how I would sketch and then Clary came in like Van Gogh and suddenly I need lessons on something I do for fun. And Izzy is the stylish one, Jace is the best fighter, Magnus is the best at make up, Simon is the musical one even though I play (Your instrument). Then Max is the one who like to read and your the dull, sensible one.” “Thanks!” Alec rolled his eyes. “Everything I do someone else is doing better. Even cooking and Izzy’s my sister.” I laid my face into the blankets. “Yeah but Mum is the one everyone thinks is the best.” Alec laid down flat on his back next to me and took my hand, holding it. “but you are one who’s good at a lot of things. You might not be the best at everything but you must be the best at something.” “Like what?” I said muffled through blankets, tears starting to slip. “Like (your favourite hobby) and (what your good at). None of us are good at everything but you know how to do a lot. Hell you've made this den and its awesome. None of us have one. And you make the institute feel like a home, even with your ‘mundie living room’.” I turned my head towards him. “How come you never call the institute home?” “I don't know,” he wiped the couple of tears on my face away. “Im just used to calling it the institute.” he looked down at his phone before saying, “Can I text the others? Not to tell them where we are” he added noticing my worried expression, “Just so they know your safe. Ok?” “Yeah sure.” He texted them before asking “Were did you even get half this stuff? And how do you have electricity?” I laughed at his confusion. “When you guys leave me out on missions I go out to the mundie shops. I got most of it from second hand shops. The tapes, blankets and some of the pillows are from there. I wash them first.” I added seeing his disgust. “the TV's from some yard sale. The shelves were already here and the some of the training stuff. Everything else was from around the institute mainly. Or maybe a normal mundane shop.” “How could you afford it? And what about the power?” “Well for to begin with it was the money I had saved that Mum and Dad gave me. Then I realised you guys didn't rely seem to check your money or use it much so sometimes I ‘borrowed’ some.” “(Y/N)! Thats stealing! From your own family.” He exclaimed. “Well you never seemed to notice or care.” I said rolling my eyes. “Whatever. But who did you get to set up the lights and TV?” he asked looking at the TV with a confused face. “I did.” he looked shocked, “It was rely quite simple. Just had to go on the system and send some power up here. The I ran some cable over her so I could plug in the fairy lights and TV. Don't know how to get normal TV but that's what the tapes are for.” “Im impressed.” he picked up the top tape and looked at me. “(Favourite Disney movie), what's that?” “Lets just watch it. Ok?” he just shrugged and layed down. I put the movie in and lifted up a blanket at the back of the fort revealing a pile of snacks. I threw out a bag of popcorn and some other sweets and chocolate before turning to Alec and saying, “these I stole from the kitchen.” “Now that I can get on board with.”

We watched the movie and a few others before falling asleep up in my secret place. From then on it was mine and Alec’s secret place and at least once a week we would stay up there and watch old VHS tapes. He ended up buying more videos and looking how to get mundie TV up there. He also gave me my present when we woke up in the morning, having realised we had fallen asleep, he had got me a mundane laptop. It turned out to be quite useful as we could watch Netflix on it. But we still liked to use the tapes too. We were thinking about telling the others about it but we didn't. It was our secret fortress and no one would break in.

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hellsbellssinclub · 7 years

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Across the Stars. Part 22

Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7/ Part 8/ Part 9/ Part 10/ Part 11/ Part 12/ Part 13/ Part 14/ Part 15/ Part 16/ Part 17/ Part 18/ Part 19/ Part 20/ Part 21/ Part 22/ Ao3

I am not too sure I like this chapter. It was as emotional as I wanted it to be. I am not very good at emotions to be honest.

But anyway. Here is what The Doctor and Donna got up to.

Donna watched as Obi-Wan disappeared into the room, a look of determination on his young and still boyish face. She worried about what the young boy would find in that room and whether or not he would be able to cope with it. There is a chance that those people could be seriously hurt or worse. But at the same time, the spider droid thingy would not have only shown people who were alive, right? Donna glanced over at The Doctor, whose face looked stern and aged for a few brief moments as he stared at the room where Obi-Wan had gone. The Doctor would not have sent Obi-Wan into a room where there were things that would hurt or traumatise him.

“He will be okay.” She said firmly, both to herself and to her alien friend. They both needed the reassurance. “Obi-Wan is strong. He can do this.”

The Doctor gave her a measured look and like water down smooth rocks, the stern and aged look disappeared from his face, leaving behind his normal almost carefree expression. Not for the first time, Donna wondered just who was under the many masks The Doctor wore.

“Your right.” The Doctor clapped his hands together and grinned at her. If it were not for the slight pinch around his eyes and mouth, Donna would think that the man standing before her had not a care in the world.

They would both need to sit down and talk about Obi-Wan when this was over. And they would both definitely need to have a talk with the young man. There had been so many worrying signs presented to them in the past several hours they have known Obi-Wan and it made her heart clench in fear at what those signs may mean.

And she knows full well that The Doctor feels the same. For all his age and travels, the space man was never one to ever turn away a child in need. Nor was he one to sit back idly when a child needed emotional support.

“Shall we take the room with the duo? Or should we take the room with the possible leader?” The Doctor said, drawing her out of her thoughts. She gave an exaggerated hum and pretended to think about it for a second before speaking.

“The one with the duo first. It will probably be a little bit safer than charging head on without knowing what we are doing or who we are facing first.” She said, as if they had never charged head into danger without knowing what they were doing or who they were facing.

The Doctor gave a slow nod, his mouth twitching slightly and the pinched look around his eyes softened. “Yep. That sounds like a very good idea. Very safe indeed. It will set a good example for Obi-Wan.”

The stared at each other for a few moments and both snorted in amusement. Yeah, because that was going to happen.

Together, they walked briskly up towards the middle door where they suspected the person behind all of this was. After all, in their experience, the person behind ‘evil’ plans are normally alone/ up to no good in the middle of a complex planning their next move. Why anyone would want to take over an amusement park in the middle of space is slightly confusing to her but to be honest, it was not the strangest thing Donna has encountered while traveling with The Doctor.

They arrived at the metal door rather quickly, seeing as they really only had go about ten meters. The door was honestly boring and looked to be made out of the same material that most doors and walls are made of when dealing with things in space. Donna briefly wondered if they were the same material and what material that may be. She made a mental not to ask The Doctor about it sometime after all this was done. It might be useful information to know for later trips throughout space and time.

The door may have been locked with an odd-looking keypad to the right, but with a quick wave of the sonic screwdriver, The Doctor had the door sliding up for them in no time at all. They shared an excited grin and moved to stride into the room and rain down justice on whoever had taken over the park but the sight before them made both of them freeze.

Now, Donna has been traveling with The Doctor for a while now, and she has seen a lot of things in her travels through time and space, but even with all her experience nothing could really prepare her for the sight of a small child strapped to a chair with a large helmet covering his head giggling lightly.

Donna felt a chill go down her spine as she quickly realised that the child’s body was attached to many different wires and machines. She recognised a few that were health monitors and one of them was definitely an IV stand but it was chilling to see how many there were. Were they there to monitor the boy? Were they keeping him alive? Was it both?

Donna stood there shocked, her stomach was like an empty, hollow pit. She had been expecting an adult or angry teenager to be behind all of this. Not a child. Or maybe the child is a victim in all of this? What was that thing on his head? Why was he laughing?

What the hell was happening?

She looked over at The Doctor, hoping the alien would know what was going on but judging by the slightly open mouth and look of horror on his face, the older man might not even know himself.

“Doctor?” She hissed quietly. “What the hell is that?” She gestured at the machine and at the child.

The Doctor turned and looked at her, an undecipherable expression on his face. “That machine is basically a virtual reality simulator. That model was taken off the markets because it causes nerve damage and put the users at risk at hurting themselves because they could not feel pain when it was on. A child that age should not even be near it.” The Doctor shook his head. “The machine itself it… well to put it simply, the machine will fuse and bond with the child completely. That child would not be able to live without that machine if they have been on there for more than a week straight.”

“Oh god.” Donna whispered. That poor child. Who would do that to a child? Who could do that to a child? Donna could not honestly say how long this park had been taken over. The food outside had been left in the heat and would have rotted in a few days so there was no telling how long it has been. God, could they even save this child?

Together, Donna and The Doctor walked slowly into the room. They needed to find out if they could help this child or not. They needed to know if there was any way, any way at all, if they could save the child and get them to safety. Oh god, she couldn’t even tell the gender of the child because of all the wires and monitors connected to them.

The Doctor, with the sonic screwdriver, began to look over all the wires and things on the right side of the child while Donna began to look over the health monitors. Though she would happily and readily admit that she knows very little about different space machines and things from the future, Donna has picked up a few bits of knowledge here and there.

So, she was confident enough to be able to read that the monitors were saying that the child’s heart rate and general wellbeing was low but, oddly enough, stable. Donna was not able to tell if the reason why the readings for the child’s wellbeing and heart were so low was because of the machine they were hooked up to or if there was another reason all together. The child looked human from what she could tell but she had encountered many species, including The Doctor, who looked human but had different biology all together.

She looked around the monitors some more, hoping to find something that could help her understand who this child was and what was going on. It took a few minutes but she stuck gold in the form of a hand-held touch screen thing. It looked like an ipad but was chunkier and heavier in her hands. The T.A.D.I.S thankfully automatically translated the words on the screen for her as she read.

Name: Crya, Man’jus

Age: Four

Species: Human

Gender: Male

Diagnoses: Naboo Bone Disease.

Naboo Bone Disease? Donna frowned and looked over at The Doctor, who was kneeling next to the boy, scanning one of the wires by the boy’s hand.

“Doctor? You might want to have a look at this.” She said to him, holding out the screen thingy. The space man stood up and took the screen thingy, a deep frown on his face as he looked away from the boy. The frown deepened as he read over what the screen had to say. His face crumbled slightly as he finished reading the whole thing and his shoulders sagged.

“Oh. Oh, that explains a lot. That explains so much.” The Doctor whispered, almost to himself.

Donna took a step forward and placed a hand on the man’s arm. “Doctor? What do you mean.”

The Doctor looked at her with a defeated look in his eyes. “The boy is dying, Donna. Even if we get him out of that machine he will still die. There is no cure for Naboo Bone Disease. There is only pain and death for those who have it.”

Oh. Donna opened her mouth but found that she could not say anything. It explained so much but didn’t explain anything at all. This poor child. Shouldn’t he be in a hospital somewhere? With his parents and friends and with doctors and nurses there by his side? Where are the boy’s parents anyway? Who would leave their child like this?

“Get the hell away from my son!” A low voice hissed from behind them.

Donna and The Doctor jumped and looked at the person who had spoken. There was a woman and a man behind them and the woman was holding a very strange looking gun thing. A blaster, Donna recalled faintly as she stared at it.

Oh, these must be the boy’s parents. Guess they didn’t leave him after all.

#Across the Stars #hellsbells wrote something!!!#10th doctor #Donna Noble #Obi-Wan Kenobi #doctor who fic #Star Wars Fic #star wars #doctor who

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crushingonrazz · 7 years

Text

Numbers and Questions

@ollie-oxen-free @queenofbiscuits @gallifreyan-pal @beckyshecky I CHOOSE YOU (you’re tagged and now you have to do this too) But honestly everyone who sees this is now tagged, go!!!!

So I may have stolen this idea from a thing on FanFiction.net. If you are tagged, randomly assign your 12 favorite characters (I stuck purely to the skeletons) to numbers like this:

Pink (ULP)

Red (UFS)

Sans (UTS)

Lust (ULS)

Ink (IS)

Error (ES)

Stretch (USP)

Papyrus (UTP)

Fell (UFP)

Blue (USS)

Razz (SFS)

Slim (SFP)

And then take the questions that I have below the cut and put in your own answers to them with your new list of characters (it works best if your list is truly random), then tag some new people and post it! (tag me too because I really want to see all of your answers and the characters you pick). (also tumblr totally messed up the formatting but whatever you guys get the idea right) I’m going to also post mine in cosos because why not, but I thought it’d be fun to post here!

If anyone has any more questions they’d like me to answer, feel free to send me an ask (i.e. would 3 and 7 make good friends, what would happen if 11 introduced 10 to a life of crime, etc). The questions I have here are more randomized, copied right from the thing, but I definitely don’t mind more purposeful ones being asked.

(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (7) dumps (1) for (9). (1), brokenhearted, goes on one date with (11), has an unhappy breakup with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).

Pink and Stretch are in a happy relationship until Stretch dumps Pink for Fell. Pink, brokenhearted, goes on one date with Razz, has an unhappy breakup with Slim, then follows the wise advice of Ink and finds true love with Sans.

Sounds like the kind of drama some of ya’ll would love.

If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

(Papyrus) Me Too by Meghan Trainor, probably. That’s gotta be Paps’ theme song.

3 told you that she will soon be getting married to 2. What is your reaction?

(Sans and Red) Either a lot of hand-flapping or a sort of “duh”.

When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

(Ink) It has certainly been a minute. I think I read at least part of Fixing Your Errors by SansyFresh last week? I don’t think I’ve read one about him since.

6 kidnapped you, why is this?

(Error) Probably because he’s fucking insane? Also it’s not like he’s never kidnapped anyone before.

Does anyone on your friends list consider Three hot?

(Sans) I’m gonna go with yes because duh. Nope, not at all, no one I know thinks Sans is at all hot.

If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what warning would it have?

(Pink, Error, and Slim) Oh fucking Christ almighty… I don’t even want to think about it.

6 is extremely pissed off about something, why is this? And what will you do?

(Error) When is Error not pissed about something, honestly? And I would get the hell out of his way.

Five/Nine or Five/Ten?

(Ink/Fell or Ink/Blue) Ink/Blue because InkBerry is kinda cute but I’ve never even seen anything about Ink/Fell)

You and 9 get trapped in an elevator together. What happens? And who are the other random people with you two?

(Fell) Honestly probably sitting in opposite corners playing on our phones or something. I’m not about to bother someone who could and would shut me up in a not-so-fun way if he was feeling like it.

Would 2 and 6 make a good couple?

(Red and Error) Uh...no? Probably not? I haven’t really thought about it too much but the idea doesn’t appeal to me.

8 confessed to be a part of your family.

(Papyrus) I’m just gonna go with it, honestly. Papyrus probably adopts people all the time.

4 and 5 are having an argument. Why is this?

(Lust and Ink) Knowing Lust, he probably walked up and asked Ink if he could taste the rainbow, and Ink may or may not have threatened to let Error take out his AU.

Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

(Pink and Papyrus) Oh man I hope so, that would be sweet as fuck. Especially since I headcanon Paps as aro/ace so it would be like a brotp thing probably. But I could see Pink being discouraged at his lack of success with the royal harem and Papyrus would make him comfort oatmeal and they’d watch Ferris Bueller or something.

2 writes you a love song, plays it for you, and then kisses you on the cheek.

(Red) CRUSH.EXE HAS CRASHED

What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve kissing?

(Stretch, Red and Slim) Depending on his mood? Either back out slowly, or really loudly go “WOW GUYS ARE U GONNA BONE?!” because he’s an obnoxious motherfucker.

Do you think Four is hot?

(Lust) I don’t think I really have a choice in the matter have you fucking seen him?

7 cooked you dinner.

(Stretch) What the fuck did you put in it, is this a prank?

Suggest a title for Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic?

(Stretch and Slim) Uh… Beautiful, it’s True. This question can fuck off.

9 and 1 accidentally get hooked up on a dating website and are forced to go on a date together.

(Fell and Pink) “Accidentally”, huh, Pink?

8 gets angry and starts cussing at 6 very loudly. 7 is watching it all and is interested...but why is this?

(Papyrus, Error, Stretch) Because holy fuck Papyrus is cussing someone out, lemme get the popcorn man.

Do you recall any fics about 9?

(Fell) Oh, y’know, one or two. There’s the occasional UnderFell fic here and there.

You are about to do something that will make you feel very embarrassed. Will 9 comfort you?

(Fell) Awkwardly and in his own way. He doesn’t quite know how to respond to something like that.

Does anyone on your friends list read 3?

(Sans) idk guys, have any of you ever read a fic about Sans? Sans the skeleton? Heard of him? He’s the little nerd that loves astronomy and Red and ketchup?

Would anyone one of your friends list write about Two/Four/Five?

(Red, Lust, Ink) Honestly, Galli would probably write any combination of any of the guys up here. Ollie might if there was a meme involved.

You're lying on the beach peacefully, and then you turn your head to see 1, 2, and 9, by the water wearing speedos.

(Pink, Red, Fell) I’m honestly not even surprised.

It's storming outside and 4 allowed you to stay with her at her place until it blows over. And your reaction to this kind gesture is?

(Lust) My reaction to this kind gesture with definitely no ulterior motives at all? Hmmm…..I’d have to think about it…

Have you read a 6 / 11 fanfic before?

(Error/Razz) Nope and I honestly do not have the inclination?

5 wakes you up in the middle of the night.

(Ink) Dude I’m sure the multiverse can wait until the morning leave me alone.

1 asks to talk to you privately. When you are both alone, he admits to you that he is gay.

(Pink) ….Are you absolutely sure because im not really sure you’re sure that outfit is pretty straight dude and im pretty sure ive never ever seen you fuck another dude before sooooooooo (I wouldn’t actually say that don’t get mad at me)

5 gave you a teddy bear.

(Ink) ...k then????

You and 10 go out for a picnic. Everything is peaceful until 2 crashes it by showing up and inviting you to go hang out at a cafe. Would you go with 2 or stay with 10?

(10-Blue, 2-Red) WELL FUCK. Way to give me an impossible decision???????? I mean of course I’m gonna go with Red but I’m gonna feel really bad about it for like a whole hour!

1 walked in on you while you were showering. What is your reaction?

(Pink) This is the third time this week, dude.

What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

(Slim, Papyrus) He’d step up and be a good dad and Papyrus would go EXTREME BABY SHOPPING.

You catch 10 looking at questionable material on the internet.

(Blue) I’m not terribly surprised but I am giggling madly every time I look at him or his significant other for like a month afterwards because oh my hell that is so funny to me.

Make up a summary of a 3/10 fanfic.

(Sans/Blue) Blue never expected his first patient to be quite so upbeat and full of jokes, especially when his clipboard was telling him that this patient was on suicide watch. (oh my god what do I have to do to get someone to write this, I need it now????)

All the listed characters get into a very epic and all-out battle. Who will be the last one standing?

Okay first of all fuck yes?? Secondly, it’d be Papyrus. Sans is the most powerful person in the multiverse, especially since Ink and Error would be focusing all of their attention on each other and would then narrow down that power. So Sans would be able to take the rest of them out, but would protect Papyrus more than he protects himself. And if it was left as just the two of them? Sans isn’t about to let himself be the one left.

7 is having relationship problems, 4 tries to help him out but her advice isn't helpful. Your thoughts about this predicament?

(Stretch, Lust) Lust, you can’t just tell everyone to “suck their dick under the table”, that is not a way to solve most problems.

Do any of your friends write or draw Eleven?

(Razz) *Narrows my eyes most especially at Ollie*

#undertale

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cerealmonster15 · 7 years

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1-10

1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?lmao yes :”) at least i think i do? i’ve never actually had one and i’m not even great with platonic upkeep so i feel like i’d be a terrible girlfriend buti often daaaydreaaaaam about finding a compatible someone :”D i’ve had crushes and stuff but ive never been in a reciprocated feelings situation so shrug emojiactually im not sure if that was an either or question or a yes/no question. i identify as bi so tbh,,, either,,, but because of a few reasons i dont really wanna talk about, i’m more “looking” for a guylife is hard

2.When did your last hug take place?TODAY ACTUALLY i realized just how starved for physical affection i was too bc i got to my friend and i just [cling]i really love hugs and i dont have a lot of people here i can do that with so likei tend to take all the chances i can get with like, my 3 huggable friends

3.Are you a jealous person?unfortunately, yea. it’s cause i’m super insecurerip

4.Are you tired right now?only always! a little less than normal right now tho

5.Do you chew on your straws?i chew on everything. [so yes]

6.Have you ever been called a tease?not to my knowledge or memory

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?noooooooooooooooooOOOO i would die

8.Do you cry easily?yaaa

9.What should you be doing right now?DONT CALL ME OUTreading for class, doing weekly drawing class exercises, goin to the studio to work on the still life projects, researching artist questions, working on a video exercise, lots of stuff im only just now remembering like half of this but it’s all due like monday and tuesday criesim dying squirtle

10.Are you a heavy sleeper?oh god i wish. i have a hard time falling asleep and will wake up from dreams or hearing noisy people come back in the neighboring roomsand i cant share beds easy. i take hours to fall asleep :”) i wanna get married one day but that is a Big Concern to me likeam i gonna have to have a separate bed from my future spouse because of my sleeping issues?? will that strain our marriage?? or will i learn to adjust because i love them???slow down cereal you gotta go on a date first lmfao

[x]

#finger guns thanks pal #i should get back to my hw #princeofcuddles #asks

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frankthomas090-blog · 6 years

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abby winter yoga - The New Angle On Abby Winters Lesbian Porn Just Released

In town for a bit on business, he wants to have some casual fun. 5 inches and THICK- his emphasis. Hes at the top end of length for my preference, but self describing it as thick got my attention. Sometimes theres just an instant connection or chemistry, drawing you in so fast with a new person you just kind of dance around the usual screening process.

Described his cock as 7. Average height, better than average build, green eyes. Hes my age, 31, but with the right combination of personality and body- I can look past it. Gimme that thick dick. This Ginger was respectful and straight to the point from the get-go on Plenty of Fish. Hes former Army- he had a pic up in his dress uniform. He sends me his number, we text briefly, and make the plan to meet that same day.

I appreciated his ability to be direct without being rude or vulgar. I like em young and hung! Also, I give it a 95% hes well endowed- orange is the new Black. At no point did he ask for nudes, or ask endless intimate questions- I give it a 50/50 chance of being a satisfactory encounter given our lack of communication beforehand, but I cant resist a Ginger to save my life.

He passed with flying colors. Im telling you, this isnt rocket science. I feel my lady business respond immediately. In our very brief texting we went over our Dos and Donts, as well as both agreeing we like aggressive AND passionate sex. Dont ever forget that.

The way hes kissing me I can already tell this will likely be a very good encounter. " Its early afternoon, what a great way to spend it. Upon his arrival I am freshly showered, bed is made, and Im wearing t-shirt that says "MEETS OR EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS. He sits next to me, we awkwardly exchange hellos, and then he moves right in to kissing me. Not overly eager, not sloppy, makes you want it right meow.

Hes not pushing my body down while shoving his tongue down my throat. He starts lifting up my shirt after pawing me and groping for the goodies- having discovered my nipples are pierced and briefly sucking them, its time for layers to come off.

He peels his layers off as Im taking mine off and comes right back to mauling me so expertly I couldnt resist. Hes kissing me like hes excited to see me, and hes real good at it. Hes maneuvering me onto my back while he takes a top position.

Moving his head lower he pulls my panties off but with such reckless abandon theyre still on my left leg. Good kissers are also known to be good lovers, from my observation. Youre taking your clothes off, too. I dont recognize the alphabet hes writing, maybe its Spanish.

The moment he kisses my thighs its all over. His eagerness to put his mouth on my slit is palpable. He didnt just dive face first into my nonsense salad- first he ran his tongue up my outer labia on both sides and it felt soft and gentle and GIVE ME MORE. Fuck God sounds totally different when Im cumming and yelling nonsense. Right around now is where I learned Im actually bilingual, but whatever language I was stuttering out can only be whispered or shouted; theres no in between.

Oh my god hes licking my asshole- I have sex Tourettes. Do you think Jesus and God can tell youre not swearing AT them? he pushes my legs up and licks up and down, then just down. I can barely take it, stretched to maximum capacity for comfort, and even then hes mildly uncomfortably large. And it consists mostly of very short, hostile sounding 4 letter words.

DONT STOP, DONT STOP, DONT STOP. Once he was done tracing and teasing I felt the warm, wet touch of his whole mouth open around my clitoris, moving his tongue in ways I cant imagine or describe. Holding my body close to his and pushing his hips up into me, my limbs instinctively wrap around him like a slutty octopus. His length is perfectly spot on- any longer and he just wouldve www.abby winters.com been too much.

GOD DAMN YOU HAVE A BIG DICK. Pushing my limits for size, I question if my lungs have enough room to inflate fully while hes all the way inside. Id put him right around 7 inches in length, my preference being 6.

With my pelvis lifted to the right level, hed shove his tongue in me as my insides start to contract with the orgasm. Literally cumming on his tongue. For sure hes wearing the biggest condom commercially manufactured, or a trash bag. My hips would buck but his arms would find their way around them and hold them in place, while my legs stretched upward trying to walk on the ceiling. We didnt transition out of missionary, he sat up and spread my legs wide while plunging into me with force and conviction.

He rolls on a condom and pushes himself inside me- my eyes rolled back so far I saw memories from my childhood. I sound maybe like a dying rabbit as my fingers pull his short hair and hold his head firmly in place. I didnt keep count, I was much too busy screaming his praises to the Gods.

He gets his and we collapse away from each other. As soon as I begin to cum, back go the legs, down goes the head, and hed ride my climax on his face. When I would start to climax, hed withdraw quickly and push my legs up around my head. He puts his underwear back on and Im guessing hes leaving now, sad times, but then he hops back onto the bed and I take the opportunity to snuggle up into his armpit and touch on his body while I bask in the afterglow.

He does this for every single orgasm. Im wrapped around him and mostly content. I cant get my mouth around it right, my hand doesnt wrap around it. Its awkward to handle, do I need a license? I feel like my certs are out of date because this newfangled cocktraption is just outside of my scope of experience.

Good Lord, who taught you to do that? I gift him my mouth because hes more than earned it. I could definitely go for more, but hes not some 20-something with endless stamina. He pounds away at me from different positions, I like him behind me because I like his stroke and how he braces himself by holding my hips down. Clearly he gets most of his satisfaction from pleasing his lady.

Im not going to argue, and somebody has been listening to my thoughts and dreams again because this man was made in a fucking lab just for me. The sun goes down around 4pm right now so thats not a good indicator either. what even is time, man. Im amused I come across that way- Im all about those afterglow cuddles.

Between our rounds we break for cuddles and snuggles- he confesses he assumed, from my profile on PoF, that he was to go after the first round and I wasnt much for affection or cuddling afterward. He enjoys the cuddles too, and doesnt like to just leave after a hookup unless thats her preference. Please me you thick dick Georgia peach!

Take care of your partner after you fuck them. He enjoys my head game but it just makes him want to fuck me. He gets off twice more and I have no idea how much time has passed. HOLD MEEEEEEEEEEE, pet my hair and tell me Im pretty. Fool I dont get to round 3 very often with men in their supposed prime, so whos more thrilled! Hes an intuitive partner and he reads my cues very well, plus he just wants to bring me all the pleasure.

Apparently he doesnt get to round 3 very often, and hes kind of thrilled about it. His size is intimidating and hes more shaped for vaginal feel goods. I like how he lays it down, and I like anal with the right partner. He admits hes never been able to have anal successfully, and I can understand why.

The way hes shaped, getting the head in is not the hard part- he gest wider towards the middle and base, like a fucking road cone. I dont doubt that hell follow my lead and respect my signals if things get too intense. The last time things started heating up Im on my belly and hes pressing the head of his monster cock on my asshole- Im doing word problems in my head about the likelihood of this being a good idea or not.

He apologizes for cumming too soon- I had to hold back my school girl giggle. He flipped me over and fucked me hard up until I told him to say my magic words. What a dear, sweet lover. He actually thought he owed me an apology after our FOURTH consecutive romp. Tell me you love fucking me. Ive got shit to do as well. 10/10 would fuck again.

I tell him point-blank Id like to see him again before he leaves, he happily agrees. We were unable to make it happen, he was just too big and we didnt do enough warmup, but I took about half of him before tapping out. He texts me asking what my plans are for the evening, as hed like abby winters galleries to grab a couple of beers and a late dinner.

Fast forward 24 hours. When posed with options like this, I always ask WHY NOT BOTH? I tell him Im going to shower and meet him at the restaurant bar near his hotel, he instructs me to bring my lube. I dont really do compromises. Or I could come over to his hotel room after and he could just fuck my brains out all night.

Maybe Id like to join him? In the time it took me to excitedly shower and keelhaul the warts off my body, my phone starts showing notifications of other interested men folk. The words fall out of his mouth and he explodes seconds later, to his own surprise. why end with a OR when theres always an AND?

He tells me I cant miss him at the restaurant bar- hes wearing a cowboy hat. (You thought that hyperlink went to the movie reference, didntcha? CANT TALK NOW, THICKEST DICK EVER WANTS TO TAKE ME TO POUND TOWN! Oh goody, I know what Im wearing later. Can honestly say hes a good one.

Test me, Ive got true grit. ) The company was great, hes fun to talk to. Cleaned up, its time for him to go he has things to do. As were leaving I ask how many Magnum XL condoms he has- he says 4. He confesses he doesnt generally have his lady spend the night because hes very affectionate and waking up next to someone hes spent the better part of the night pleasing, can lead to him having feelings.

We need to buy more, STAT. I feel like a teenager again. We talk about our kids, divorce, he tells me about his previous military experience, and what hes doing now. Rolling into Wal-Mart at that hour, with giant shit-eating grins on our faces, buying only condoms.

You think youre big, you aint big until you must have custom condoms. I get what youre saying, were gonna fool around and then I gotta GTFO. Sexy Ginger man with a good head on his shoulders and giant cock, somebody please snatch this man up quick haha or dont, and let him keep sharing that beautiful endowment with all the ladies.

Back to the hotel room, we barely make it to the bed and hes on me. Details from here are fuzzy, but he went down for ages and we fucked around in every position. Dont get it twisted; theres approximately 10 million condoms in my purse, but they wouldnt fit him. Remember, if youre hard to size on either end of the spectrum theres a UK company called TheyFit that you can enter your measurements into and theyll get you fitted with one of their 66 sizes.

We took a smoke break before trying www.abby winters yoga abby winters.com (linked site) again, and he tells me hes half Mexican. This perfect Ginger man is also a beaner. He was made just for me. While he was behind me licking and sucking my clit, shoving his tongue inside my pussy and my asshole, I hear the top of the lube bottle click. At some point I wore his Stetson when we come back inside, naked.

He positions himself at the backdoor and gently adds pressure until I whimper or tense up. Working together slowly, gently, following my vocal cues I take him to the base. Pushed to the hilt we pause. Its more than mildly uncomfortable, but if we take it slow itll feel great.

I can feel it cold and slippery, then hear him stroking it on himself. I swear to Kylie Minogue I cant make this stuff up. Im a little drunk- 3 drinks on a mostly empty stomach, Ill sit on your lap and call you Daddy if you want. He picks up the pace, we start talking dirty to each other. I have not been quiet at all during any of this, but now Im incapable of controlling the primal animal noises Im bleating into the bedding.

He was having some performance issues but was bound and determined to make sure I enjoyed our time as much as possible. I can feel him shaking a bit, hes going to cum soon. Its late, the booze and orgasms are sedating me.

Hes down close on me, wrapping his big hands around mine, entwining our fingers, crossing arms under my chin as he grinds into me. I tell him to withdraw slowly. I wake up hazily to roll over and his arms find their way around me again, hes a perfect big spoon. After several loud, amazing orgasms, he gets down close and pushes himself inside me all at once.

Rocking into me Im wrapped around him in my koala hug. Hes holding me and Im lost in it. I awake fully to him sliding down the bed, tossing my right leg over and burying his face in my morning pussy. Digging my fingers into his back and pulling his short hair, I dont want it to end. Im cold and reach for a sheet, he covers us immediately and Im back out like a light.

He slows down but hes plunging into me with the kind of force and quivering body that lets me know its now. Pushing my skirt up, pulling my panties to the side, he takes my box in his mouth and I hold on for dear life, staring up at the mirrored ceiling I get to watch myself almost cum in his mouth.

Morning sex was more passionate, and a bit briefer. Hes even kissing me with my dragon breath. We havent even hit the floor button yet. When we get to the ground floor we smoke together outside, recap our enjoyment with each other. My back hurts from how he so violently throws my legs back to eat my pussy while Im cumming, both my pussy and asshole are recovering from their respective stretching and beating, and Im walking on a broken toe.

We get dressed together, and he goes to walk me out but as soon as the elevator door closed he dropped to his knees. He tells me after two days with me, he wont be able to fuck for a week. God damn that was good. He reaches up, hits L, and continues his works. 10/10 would fuck any time. I am completely satisfied. This will happen one week from now, when he has free time again.

I scamper home to sit on frozen bags of peas, pound water, and cuddle all my pillows. tt/2i9A4Cy /u/DDfnord Link is directly to this story http://ift. This entry on my sex blog has hyperlinks, if youd like to see it in full I write on WordPress and the blog name is All The Dicks.

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