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betelguwuse · 3 years

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I’m starting to think maybe I don’t want to get married. Hypothetically I’d love to be in a godly marriage with a man who respects me and sees me as the person that God does (and not only me but women as a whole), but realistically do christian men like that even exist? Mainstream christianity, especially gender discourse, is so watered down and twisted into something that’s more political than biblical. I feel like this is gonna piss off both the christians and feminists, even though I’m both (though some might say I’m not a real feminist, whatever idc lol). Might also tag as Side B because I feel like this is also maybe a Side B mood? But here goes.

Color coded by vague topic, bolded so it’s easier to read.

Like I recently heard of a pastor being criticized for saying it’s a woman’s duty to look good for her husband, and the boomer conservatives were acting like criticisms of this pastor was the end of christianity. There’s no way “looking good” in a biblical sense was anything more than basic hygiene, nowhere near the beauty standards of today; and that is if the idea of looking good for your husband is even in the bible. These people siding with the pastor were saying that any woman who doesn’t shave or hide her “flaws” with makeup or basically completely embody the tradwife meme are bad wives. Like what the literal hell.

Honestly the entire tradwife aesthetic seems to be the goal for a lot of young christian couples, when it’s not inherently biblical. I used to be into it myself because heck yeah staying home, housekeeping, taking care of children, and wearing cute flowery dresses sounds like a dream. But my goals aren’t universal! Some women don’t want kids. Some women want to work. Good and God-honoring women of the bible didn’t all have kids and stay home. I mean the timeline of the bible spans so long, so yeah maybe there were times when most women did. But that doesn’t mean women who didn’t were bad wives or lesser women. Not to mention there’s such a blurred line currently between cute tradwife lifestyle and creeps who fetishize the idea of a traditional (and by traditional they mean submissive) wife. Gross.

Another thing too many christian men do is say women can’t be in any position of power in the church. There is the whole specific issue of whether or not women should be the highest up actual pastor of the church, and I don’t know enough about that whole debate to validate or debunk it, but I’m not talking about that specifically here. Aside from that one position, a lot of christians think women can only teach other women and girls but not guys, even like literal child boys. That’s so weird, like imagine thinking a little boy has more authority than, or even equal to, a grown woman? Couldn’t be me. And this whole idea comes from an out of context “I do not permit women to speak in the church” from a regular human guy. And the reason he said this was that the women around him were spreading heresy. I still think it’s flawed logic to exclude all women from speaking in that situation just because most of them were wrong, but again, this wasn’t a command from God. This was just a guy recording his church experience and doing his flawed human best to manage it. Various women throughout the actual bible outside of this one leader’s timeline held positions of power in various churches. And modern day american christian men think biblical womanhood is all about subservience? Bro what bible are you reading?

I just want to make it clear that these are all just generalizations, but having been in various actual biblical communities and conservative christian communities, I can kinda pick up on the general sexist behaviors of the latter. But unfortunately in today’s political climate more and more young christians are only being exposed to political opinions that are surface level americanized good christian morals, but not actually biblical.

Even on top of that, even if a man knows of these biblical misconceptions, we live in a society. Like we’re constantly exposed to women’s sexualization, and it’s pretty impossible to escape that. I don’t want to spend my life with someone who’s grown up in a world where women are seen as weak, objects, pleasure machines, etc. And yeah we can unlearn these biases (honestly I hate the word unlearn but I can’t think of a substitute rn), but it feels like a hassle to casually figure out whether a guy can make an effort to understand what women go through, and if I were to just bring it up I’d scare them away. And that’s not to say I’m some perfect person who’s never sexualized men, we are all sinners after all and we live in a fallen world etc etc. But a whole society where women are so objectified that it’s normal for little boys to be watching porn, that just doesn’t really happen with little girls. I can’t speak for all women, but when I started seeing men sexually it was in my late teens when I realized like ‘oh I can sexualize men too? wild. ok I’m an adult lemme check it out’. Still sinful, but not ingrained in me from porn ads as a kid the way most young boys have been since like the creation of the internet.

Even the men currently in my life who genuinely want what’s best for me are so incredibly misogynistic it’s baffling. My male family members see any woman who breaks an imaginary dress code or ideology is some kind of deviant. I just want to make it clear that this is MY family and I’M the only one who gets to complain about them. We all love each other here even if the males are horribly wrong.

So I shaved my head for halloween and my dad could barely look at me, not because he was exactly mad or anything but just because I looked ugly to him. He always says ‘close the windows in your apartment because men will spy on you changing’ but after my hair was gone he was all ‘actually don’t bother because nobody will look at you looking like that’ like wow I wasn’t aware men only sexualized women for their hair. Like you really think a gross creeper is gonna be turned off by a fully naked oblivious vulnerable woman just because she’s bald? That’s not how any of this works. And just today my sister was watching a goth youtuber egirl or something, I didn’t see her makeup but my dad said stuff like ‘ew why does she look like that, maybe it’d be cool as a costume but how is she going to get a job’. Like, I’m not one to go ‘women don’t wear makeup for men’ (because most women who only use makeup to hide their insecurities and follow beauty standards very much just do it so they don’t get backlash from others, if not directly to please men), but when it’s a fun crazy look that’s not meant to be pretty, I’m all for that shit and generally I hate when men lose respect for a woman just for wearing something they don’t like. Like fashion isn’t real and your appearance should be as costumey or weird as you want without people losing respect for you. Also like...do men know that makeup isn’t permanent?? Like if she wanted a job that required no makeup she could easily wipe her face off and get one?? Not only that, but people can work from home and/or be self employed. Maybe youtube itself was this girl’s job. Who the hell cares man. And the worst thing here is my brother outright said one time “the root cause of feminism is pride”. B r u h. And this was back when I considered myself an anti-feminist, even then I knew that feminism started for good reason and I was absolutely furious. I think I kept it to myself like a coward lol, but if anyone said that to me now I’d tear them apart. In a debate I mean, not like literal violence.

Tldr: I’m not trying to say men are inherently more evil because there’s evil in everyone, but the way it takes shape in men in most societies is so insidious and inescapable. I love my family and guy friends, but I don’t want to deal with one in a romantic/sexual relationship because I don’t know if even the most educated and goodest christian boi in this world can see me as a true equal. It sucks because I want sex and children, but when the mainstream idea of hetero sex is female submission, it just makes me shrivel up and contemplate becoming a nun. I’m not even catholic. But even nuns are sexualized and degraded in coomer’s disgusting brains. In conclusion I’m going feral and starting my own woman-only church in the woods let’s go ladies.

#christianity #biblical womanhood #christian woman #christian feminism #feminism #side b #side b christian

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zalrb · 3 years

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OKAY. SINCE ANONS SEEM TO BE INTERESTED. HERE IS MY DAWSON’S CREEK 1X01 REVIEW.

@jayciethings IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.

1. I think the opening scene does a good job in establishing the central struggle of the season and it does it in 3 minutes: 1) things need to change and Joey wants them to 2) Dawson doesn’t see why anything has to change and doesn’t see what Joey is trying to say 3) burgeoning sexuality 4) Joey-Dawson friendship.

2. I also think the Joey-Dawson friendship is also established really well and it’s actually a time where dialogue and action work in tandem. They give a brief history/overview of their friendship: “you’ve been sleeping over since you were 7″ “i’ve seen you pick your nose, scratch your butt” while also showing them watch tv, playfight and ultimately end up sleeping in the same bed, like they did when they were 7.

3. I actually don’t find the dialogue as annoying right now.

4. I will forever be angry that they didn’t pay to have the original music with their scenes because Dawson’s Creek is not Dawson’s Creek without “I Don’t Wanna Wait”.

5. “He did it again, he grabbed my ass.” “Like you even have one.” Joshua’s delivery is perfect because it’s resigned and un-offended.

6. “I’m Jen.” “Oh right, the granddaughter from New York.” That actually isn’t clunky. It’s a good way to do exposition.

7. “You look different.” “Puberty.” LOL Joey Whitter sass.

8. Honestly, at least so far, Joey’s behaviour makes sense for a 15 year old girl who is in love with her best friend who doesn’t see her as a sexual being and then has to watch him salivate over The New Girl. No, that isn’t Jen’s fault but sometimes people on this site act like teenagers or adults for that matter don’t have messy and not-so-great emotions/reactions to things. Unless, apparently, they’re men who are rapists and serial killers, then the understanding is boundless.

9. It’s actually refreshing to hear “Mr. Leery” “Mrs. Leery” since teens in shows now just call adults by their first names, which I would NEVER do. I still can’t do that. If I had to address initiumseries’ dad it would be Mr...

10. I also think it’s funny that this dialogue is being made fun of but this kind of cadence and irony is the kind of thing shows go for now -- Riverdale tries to emulate this and I would argue Euphoria tries to do an edgier version of this. Like Nellie insulting Pacey, that kind of tone is what they’re trying to go for with Cheryl.

11. I’ll admit this is more fun than I thought it would be so far.

12. I LOVE WHAT’S EDGY FOR THE NINETIES. SHE IS IN A SUNDRESS. SETTLE DOWN.

13. “I have it on pretty good authority that mothers have excellent sex.” LOL Pacey, dick move.

14. Renting The Graduate, how on the nose.

15. THEIR CLOTHES ARE SO 90s.

16. The soundtrack pisses me off so much.

17. Oh Dawson. I knew so many self-important, I’m-so-deep-I-like-these-kinds-of-movies or -this-kind-of-music boys in high school. Like I find it so typical that he thinks his obsession with Spielberg would interest Jen.

18. Dawson taking Jen to his studio is like Klaus taking Caroline to sees his drawings.

19. Oh man, I remember being a kid and watching these teen shows with my cousin and seeing how Capeside High School was with everyone on a quad and throwing footballs and being like HIGH SCHOOL IS GOING TO BE LIKE THAT and my cousin just being like

20. I like how Dawson’s Creek is the whitest show and they still managed to have more Black extras than Gilmore Girls.

21. Dawson and Jen actually have a nice chemistry. But everyone is coming on super strong with Jen and she’s just kind of like, this seems normal.

22. The film teacher is a dick for no reason. I’ve had my fair share of dickish teachers but this is excessive right off the bat.

23. Lol poor Jen, she really is trying with Joey.

24. I like how a status of Joey’s class is the fact that her sister is engaged to a Black man *eye roll*

25. I don’t know of any school where teachers ate in the cafeteria with the students. In my school there were teachers who supervised the cafeteria but that’s it. Wow, I spent like no time in my high school cafeteria.

26. “I’m having a climax issue”

27. Tamara, Ms. Jacobs, you should be in jail.

28. I like how this school LOOKS like a school.

29. Ugh, a trans jokes. Ugh, there was so much of that in the 90s.

30. “Nothing has to change. We can talk about anything.” Honestly, from a screenwriting point of view, this is a solid pilot. I remember in a screenwriting class I took, we studied The Social Network and every 10 pages someone calls Zuckerberg either an asshole or a jerk or something in that vein as a way to reiterate a key part of the theme of the movie and while I don’t have the pilot script in front of me, DC does reiterate the theme of the season frequently without it being repetitive.

31. The dialogue isn’t as hyperbolic as I remember tbh. And I’m going to say it again, shows are aiming for this, even the one episode I saw of the Winx Saga, when they try to flirt about mansplaining, when she’s fighting with her mom about how she’s not a feminist, they’re trying for this. But DC manages to make it more natural and it’s because the Core 4 have a charm. Even if you hate Dawson.

32. Who is Dawson’s dad. Is he in something else?

33. No, I just think he looks like Dr. Cox.

34. Dawson’s rant about sex not being important is hilarious. Yes, Dawson, you’re just pursuing Jen out of intellectual and philosophical desire.

35. I like how Joey is supposed to be a tomboy just because she’s the only girl/woman in Capeside who doesn’t wear a sundress.

36. Poor Jen.

37. Joey is super dramatic, I get that, but I kind of love it because I’m going RELAX but the way I would to a teenager. Like CALM. DOWN. Also “all I do is understand” is something that we needed to see more of before that argument.

38. Dawson, you never ask anyone else any questions about themselves, lol.

39. “How can you say you were just renting a movie??” Pacey is such a fifteen year old and I do wish the show would just ... let him be one? And what I mean by that is Pacey is supposed to be the friend with the edge, the fact that he “pursues” Ms Jacobs is supposed to attest to that fact, it’s framed as taboo and yet they’re presented as being on equal footing, even the way her date moves to grab him out of his seat when the fact of the matter is, he’s a kid, and if the show didn’t actually make the Tamara/Pacey relationship a storyline and made it about another way teenagers have certain idealized perceptions of relationships or apply kid knowledge to adult situations which still makes them kids, it would’ve been interesting too.

40. Dawson is literally dressed in different shades of beige. If that doesn’t say everything you need to know about his character --- which is intentional. But like jfc man.

41. I love that they can’t say “masturbate” so she has to say “walk your dog” I LOVE THE NINETIES.

42. And you know what, after that question was asked, the sheer heartbreak on Joey’s face and the sadness in Dawson’s eyes is done really well.

43. LMAO SO ANGSTY. No one does angst like the 90s.

44. And legitimately, the ending of this pilot is great screenwriting because a change is noted, the beginning of the episode, Joey does end up staying the night, the end of the episode she leaves because they both realize it’s true that things are changing and yet Dawson answers her question about what time of day he masturbates and to who because they’re still Dawson and Joey. And that’s the way a pilot should be written.

OK. I’ve done it.

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 3 years

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Bad Manners (S2, E5)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:35 - Martin totally thought John Watkins abducted and killed Ainsley. Mark my words.

0:44 - Holy. Shit. Ainsley is FIVE years old (or younger) here right? A five year old with that much determination?!?! She literally stayed silent in that clock for probably hours......and no one was concerned about this kid when Martin was arrested because...?

1:09 - Anyone else impressed with Malcolm’s aim here? Just me?

1:20 - Gil and Malcolm talking about sleep and murder is so freaking sweet. <3 Honestly, they’re acting like friends instead of co-workers and it warms my cold dead heart.

1:29 - Does Gil become a grumpy old man when he doesn’t get 8 hours sleep? I really want to know now.

1:39 - OMG. Gil pointing at Ainsley here is hilarious. He’s totally acting like some weird mix of a stern pissed off high-school teacher, and a step-dad trying to discipline an unruly teen. hahaha AND MALCOLM’S FACE. Look how done Malcolm is. He looks so so tired, sad, and exasperated.

1:44 - Wow. Girl power. Ainsley has those camera guys bending to her will. I honestly would’ve thought they would just read the situation and turn the camera off themselves.

1:47 - “It’s not a game.” Yikes. I have thoughts about this:

Malcolm is right - it’s not a game.

Malcolm is a bit of a hypocrite for saying that to Ainsley. Although, to his credit even when Malcolm is excited/inappropriately happy about murder it’s always pretty clear that he thinks murder is wrong, and that he has sympathy for the victims and their families.

Ainsley does not have that same sympathy for the victims. That much is clear later in this episode.

Pretty sure the writers are trying to turn Ainsley into a serial killer this season.

2:13 - “You know I like to share these things with my friends.” .....does this mean Malcolm thinks Dani and JT are his friends now? Last I checked (Ep 1x05) Malcolm didn’t have friends. This absolutely melts my heart. <3 I’m honestly so happy that Malcolm considers someone other than Gil to be his friend.

2:18 - “We lost Dani to vice.” .....What is vice? AND WHAT IS THE REAL LIFE REASON THAT DANI WASN’T IN THIS EPISODE?!?

2:19 - Edrisa has a medical degree right? She has to know how dangerous consuming that much caffeine is right? Plus aren’t energy drinks super dangerous if you drink a lot of them (or maybe that’s just what adults in my neighbourhood told kids)?

2:30 - Edrisa SHINES in this episode. She’s so funny and awkward and I just love her.

2:36 - hahaha Gil has adopted the whole team. Look at him throwing the “Dad warning stare” at Edrisa.

3:31 - Why does Edrisa start bouncing around looking upset when Malcolm says, “rejection is a powerful motivator”?!?! Has she recently been broken up with or something? Is this a reference to how she has a crush on Malcolm (who doesn’t reciprocate)? I WANT MORE INFORMATION.

3:47 - TWIZZLERS!!! <3 Damn I love how this tiny detail about Malcolm’s character keeps coming up.

3:55 - Ainsley is on a rampage this episode. She’s so determined ...actually she’s acting a lot like Jessica (think girl in the box bracelet). However, unlike Jessica, Ainsley’s motives aren’t about justice or the safety of her loved ones. Ainsley is chasing personal gain (career) with a side of (a subconscious?) need to be exposed to murder and her father’s twisted world.

4:05 - This whole interaction between Ainsley and Malcolm is really interesting. Ainsley is knowingly manipulating Malcolm to get the answers she wants. We’ve seen her do it in 2x4 and 1x19. She knows her big brother would do anything for her. It makes sense, they’re five years apart and after the trauma they experienced as children Malcolm felt responsible to protect Ainsley. He never wants to disappoint Ainsley. Not a burden he should’ve had to deal with but I digress. PLUS Malcolm looks weary of Ainsley here. He knows what she’s doing. He’s scared that she’s turning to the dark side. But he still gives her the answers because if he doesn’t - that means something has changed. He thinks that would make Ainsley suspicious and then she might remember what happened to Endicott. He’s scared of and for Ainsley.

4:32 - OKAY. I’ll say it. The thing that annoys me the most about this episode is that it suggests that Ainsley was a debutant when in 1x6 AINSLEY TELLS MARTIN SHE WAS NEVER A DEBUTANT. She went to etiquette school - I guess that doesn’t strictly mean she also did debutant balls but it sort of suggests it in the context of this episode? Did she actually graduate from the etiquette school (there was bullying, maybe she was expelled/dropped out similar to Malcolm and Remington?)?

4:59 - “No stabbies” OMG. How is this show not classified as a comedy?!? Istg I laugh harder watching this ‘drama’ then I do watching most of the shows that call themselves ‘comedies’.

5:35 - It’s honestly kind of amazing that Ainsley and Malcolm are as ‘sane’ as they are. They were raised by a stubborn predatory psychopath and a stubborn rich meddling socialite. They had no chance of normalcy. Look at the amount of pleasure Martin is currently getting by throwing his son under the bus with regards to Jessica.

5:45 - “No actually, I cleaned it up.”.....does this have a dual meaning? Did Martin do something to make Malcolm dispose of the body? We already know that Martin has tried some sort of conditioning on Malcolm (remember ‘C’mon boy!’ from 1x14? The stabbing?). What if Martin said some sort of trigger word to control Malcolm and coerced Malcolm into getting rid of the body? What if this isn’t the first time?

6:05 - Ainsley is a sociopath. I’m calling it again. I called it when I first watched Q&A (1x7) because the way she treated Malcolm was more than just selfish/careless. It was cruel and she didn’t feel any remorse for literally broadcasting her brother’s private health details on television. That is messed up. I honestly won’t be shocked if the writers make Ainsley a full blown serial killers (although I’m not sure I want that because I don’t know how Malcolm would remain the main character if the story goes in that direction?).

6:12 - Poor Jessica. I honestly feel really bad for her. Sure, she’s a headstrong alcohol dependant crazy rich woman. She also has a good heart. She’s been dealt a pretty shitty hand when it comes to relationships (minus Gil but she ruined that because she’s a MORON) and now she’s terrified that her own children have become monsters and she blames herself. She definitely hasn’t been a perfect mother but I don’t think she’s to blame for Ainsley and Malcolm’s obsession with murder. If these kids had a different bio dad, they would probably just have a low-key drug problem or some other common rich kid baggage.

6:15 - “You know that’s not how cancer works right?” LOL. hahahaha

6:33 - Martin kind of has a point. There’s no rehab for murder. That’s why he’s been in jail for 20 years and he still wants to kill people. In my opinion, given what we’ve seen of Ainsley’s personality: as soon as she fully remembers that night - she’s gone. She’ll go full serial killer and Jessica and Malcolm will lose her forever.

6:40 - Jessica’s little jazz hand finger twinkle as she spins on her heel and leaves Martin kills me. It’s so extra. It’s so funny. And it’s sooo Jessica.

6:47 - Damn. Martin is pissed. I’m worried. That’s murder-level rage. If he escapes ISTG Martin is going to try and kill Gil. For so many reasons 1) because he hates Gil, 2) it’ll hurt Jessica, and 3) killing Gil will eliminate his ‘Dad’ competition.

6:54 - Edrisa on caffeine is AMAZING.

7:43 - I love Edrisa but her blatant, unreciprocated crush on Malcolm is honestly getting a little creepy.

7:52 - Gil spent all last season drinking out of a Yankee’s mug. Doesn’t that mean he’s a baseball fan? Why doesn’t he know this pitcher guy?

7:56 - hahahaa “Where is JT?” Because obviously JT is the team sports fan.

8:22 - Does Gil get nightmares about cases? He always seems really uncomfortable around the dead bodies.

8:45 - “And suddenly I’m wide awake” SERIOUSLY - is anyone else laughing every 60 seconds when they watch this show? Is my sense of humour just super dark and messed up?

8:54 - YES. The liquorice is BACK.

9:00 - I love Malcolm talking to JT about his obsession with candy. I love how Malcolm doesn’t even hesitate before giving JT an honest answer. Malcolm is acting like JT’s annoying little brother and I am here for it. One thing I did notice though - Malcolm specifically mentions candy+dopamine but doesn’t mention his depression/anxiety. Processed sugar can be a short-term (unhealthy) way to boost your mood. It’s why some people eat their feelings. I really want more backstory about Malcolm with the lollipops and licorice though.

9:19 - “But you didn’t do anything wrong.” Awwww Malcolm is so soft here. I love how much he genuinely cares about JT. <3 I love how JT is comfortable enough with Malcolm to give him an honest answer. <3 THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS GONE THROUGH SUCH A GLOW UP. <3

9:32 - “Like toy dolls?” hahaha the way Malcolm perked up here. All I could think was “SQUIRREL!” hahaha.

9:41 - Malcolm is doing better than he has been the past few episodes? I mean he’s still suffering and he’s still in a terrible mental state. BUT he also seems happier? IDK maybe he’s just entered the more manic nervous energy stage of his emotions as opposed to the depressed and scared stage.

9:49 - “Deep childhood trauma”. So we’re looking for a debutant killer with childhood trauma who is chasing perfection? Debutant = rich lady culture. Like Ainsley. AND Ainsley went to the same etiquette school as the first two victims. The writer’s wanted us to assume the killer was Ainsley for the first 15 mins of this episode right? I’m not the only one seeing it?

10:04 - “My sister went there too.” ....why is there something super attractive about the way that line was delivered?

10:08 - I’m so done with this absolute tom foolery. Why does the team keep splitting up into two teams - where one team is JUST MALCOLM. The one who is unarmed and technically a civilian?!? This makes no logical sense to me (except for plot).

10:25 - Was Martin just about to say, “Just like the old days”?!? Is Martin referring to Endicott? OR is Martin referring to something that Malcolm’s repressed from his childhood?

10:30 - “I always root for the bad guys.” .....finally some truth from Martin.

10:40 - Soooooo I guess Mr. David doesn’t know? I promise you Mr. David has suspicions though. How could he not?!?!

11:24 - “It was brutal for Ains.” Look at how sad Malcolm is! Ugh. This hurts so much. He clearly loves his sister so so much and what she’s done is slowly killing him. I honestly think that part of the reason Malcolm helped Ainsley dispose of the body is that Malcolm doesn’t want to loose his sister. His sister is one of the only good things he’s always been able to count on. If word gets around that she’s a killer - Malcolm’s fragile world gets shattered a little more and I don’t know if Malcolm can recover mentally from that.

11:36 - “Teasing made her capable of...stuff.” C’MON. There’s no way Mr. David doesn’t know.

11:45 - Sooo is Martin saying that he recognized that Ainsley was a sociopath when she was a small child? Or did she just respond to his (or John Watkins’) grooming much ‘better’ than Malcolm?

11:56 - “Because she’s her mother’s” Okay. So I see the point. I can see that Ainsley is driven and stubborn like Jessica. BUT it feels like Martin is suggesting that Jessica is capable of murder? Which - I honestly don’t think she is. If anything - Malcolm is more like Jessica than Ainsley is.

11:59 - There was a look in Martin’s eyes when he was comparing Ainsley to Jessica that really freaked me out. I can’t figure out why. It makes me wonder if Martin still somehow views Jessica as ‘his possession’ (he refers to her as his wife all the time but I always assumed that was just to get a rise out of people?). Martin’s dream from 2x4 certainly suggests that he still wants Jessica romantically. I honestly think he’s going to try to escape and rekindle the romance with Jess; and it’s going to go very poorly when Jessica rejects him.

12:06 - Preach JT. Preach. This is creepy af.

13:00 - Ugh. Of course this creep has a history of indecent exposure. Now I understand why Gil and JT were hostile with the dude right from the start.

13:12 - Man. People will use the Bible to justify anything. No wonder people hate Christians ( I say this as a practicing Christian).

13:18 - JT is such a good dude. I’m so glad he’s a dad now. <3 He’s going to be such a good one. <3

13:26 - “One phone call and this place will be shut down.” OH SHIT. GIL THAT IS VICIOUS AND I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

13:35 - I soooo thought that dude was going to sprint out of that room.

14:30 - THIS. YES. This is why I have a problem with Ainsley’s enthusiasm for murder vs. Malcolm’s. Ainsley’s enthusiasm is centred on her nee to ‘get the story’. She’s obsessed with forwarding her career and as a result she’s treating crime like a competitive sport. Malcolm’s obsession (while it can border on creepy and reckless) is always centred on his need to find the killer and stop the murders. Malcolm is seeking justice and his heart is in the right place. I can’t say the same for Ainsley.

14:31 - “We’re brother and sister, everything is a competitive sport”.....whoever wrote this doesn’t have a sibling they experienced trauma with as a kid (and as a result was raised by a single parent). Seriously, my dad was abusive he lived with us until I was 10 and my brother was 7. Then my parents got divorced and my mom was a single parent (he didn’t pay child support or see his kids after the divorce). Are my brother and I competitive? Sure sometimes. But the way we grew up forced us to become partners. Annoyed with Mom? Let’s rant about it together. Is he struggling in math? I’ll tutor him in exchange for a Reese cup. Am I struggling at daycare because I have massive social anxiety? He’ll include me in whatever he’s doing so I’m not sitting alone in a corner. My point: siblings who experience trauma together don’t have the typical sibling relationships that are widely televised in North America. There’s a lot less fighting and competition and a lot more teaming up and commiserating.

14:39 - “It. It’s terrible.” - Notice how Ainsley didn’t actually say how it made her feel? She gave the standard “TV response” to a murder “a terrible/horrific/tragedy has occurred”. She doesn’t feel bad that these women are dead. She’s too consumed with getting a story to even stop and let herself feel anything. I’ve been saying it since last season - the way Ainsley shows no regard for other people and their feelings when she’s obsessed with her job is concerning.

14:50 - “Remind me of the people who cut us off after Dad’s arrest.” ...Are you kidding me?!? The whole fandom has been speculating about this since early season one and they’re not going to elaborate on that line?!? I’m going to need some more information about this and it better be in the upcoming episode where Jessica’s younger sister appears.

15:40 - She thinks of her students as family? Sooo what does she think of Ainsley? Wasn’t Ainsley bullied at this school? Did she do anything about it?

16:00 - this is like a ‘weekend/evening school’ right? Kids aren’t living in this house like a boarding school/summer camp?

16:01 - “Mr. Whitly” UGH. This bitch preaches etiquette and she doesn’t even have the common courtesy to call Malcolm by the name with which he introduced himself? Nah. I don’t like her.

16:13 - Ugh. Ainsley, seriously? Why don’t you help your brother solve the case. AND PREVENT MORE MURDERS. Why are you indirectly but purposely obstructing justice?

16:37 - “Of course.” Huh. Do you think Martin might try and manipulate Ainsley into killing Malcolm? Ainsley definitely capable of it. She doesn’t actually seem to care about Malcolm nearly as much as he cares about her.

17:17 - WTF?!? That’s creepy af. How did no one in this show think this assistant was a suspect? She has a super creepy doll that she ‘forgot’ on the floor the middle of a hallway. AND THE DOLL WAS STANDING UP. Not sitting, not dropped carelessly, STANDING UP.

17:30 - Look at Malcolm’s face. He’s definitely going to be having nightmares about that doll.

18:25 - OMG. This was amazing. JT just totally bulldozed his way into catching that dude. Very badass. Also kind of funny (maybe that’s just my messed up sense of humour again?).

18:44 - Ugh. This dude has a thing for dolls. I don’t want to kink shame but - no. no. There’s something really gross about that.

18:48 - I’ve seen some people say that this doll looks like Ainsley and how that’s supposed to be some sort of foreshadowing/symbolism. I kind of see it? I mean the hair colour is similar and if you pause the screen at 18:48 the angle kind of looks like Ainsley? It would be an interesting metaphor though - Ainsley played with dolls as a little girl. John Watkins gave her angel statues. She is Watkins’ and Martin’s doll’ in the sense that she was the object that murders manipulated/groomed.

18:53 - Then again, pause the screen here and there’s something about the facial structure that looks like Dani to me.

19:00 - Jessica lets Ainsley work in the murder office?!? No. No she doesn’t. This is garbage. Jessica would’ve forbade it. Jessica would’ve bordered up this room immediately after Watkins.

19:57 - Poor Jessica. She’s clearly terrified that she’s losing Ainsley and terrified of Ainsley. BUT Jess, sweetie, running to Europe won’t fix this.

20:16 - “She wanted the dolls to look like her students.” AND PEOPLE SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO HER?!? WTF?!? NO. NO. NO. NOT OKAY.

20:31 - HAHA look at Gil’s face when Trevor tells him he can make the ‘perfect woman’. Gil’s like WTF - can I arrest you for thinking you can fabricate a ‘perfect woman’?!!?

21:06 - Malcolm is having so much fun playing with Trevor’s doll head. Look at how excited he is. It’s kind of adorable but his manic energy is showing which is concerning.

21:10 - Why is Trevor giving his doll fancy 1940s(ish) names?

21:31 - Props to LDP. I honestly believed Gil was annoyed with Malcolm for barging in on the interrogation the first time I watched this.

21:42 - “They got a word for everything.” hahaha OMG. This is so reminiscent of a teenager explaining some new tech to their tech-illiterate parents.

22:00 - I can’t tell if Gil feels sorry for this creep or if he just thinks the dude is really gross. Probably a mixture.

23:00 - Oh we’re bringing up the chloroform again. At least Malcolm knows not listen to Martin about this nonsense.

23:25 - “It doesn’t feel fun.” - THIS. This is why I honestly don’t think Malcolm will ever become a serial killer. His guilt complex is just too big.

23:56 - Are. You. Kidding. Me? This is next level. Ainsley is so out of line here. AND SHE SHOWS NO REMORSE. SHE DOESN’T THINK SHE’S DONE ANYTHING WRONG. THIS GIRL HAS GONE DARK SIDE (she was already halfway there).

24:17 - I’m getting papa!Gil vibes when Gil is talking to Ainsley and I want more scenes of them interacting. Seriously, did Gil have a relationship with Ainsley when she was a kid? I MUST KNOW.

24:45 - Ainsley has no conscience. I honestly don’t think Ainsley has a conscience.

25:00 - “Who is that!?” Malcolm is totally acting like he’s Ainsley’s father-figure right now. I’m here for it.

25:22 - SORE LOSERS?!? I’m sorry. What? If you weren’t concerned about Ainsley you damn well should be now. That is seriously messed up. People are dead. This is not a game. Do you know who else thought murder was a game? Martin Whitly.

25:31 - Okay. Ainsley has a point. Malcolm lecturing anyone about being reckless is pretty hypocritical. But at least Malcolm cares about her.

25:54 - Heart. Shattered. Look at how terrified Jessica is. Look at how gentle and reassuring Gil is. UGh. WHY DID SHE BREAK UP WITH HIM??! I mean, I know why I just think she’s a moron for doing it.

26:00 - Poor Gil. He’s so confused and so concerned. The whole Whitly family is acting crazier then usual and he doesn’t know why.

26:11 - “Both you and Malcolm are at an 11 and I’ve never seen Ainsley like that.” FIND YOURSELF A MAN WHO CARES LIKE GIL AND NEVER LET HIM GO. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Seriously. The love and concern he shows for this family warms my cold dead heart.

26:16 - “Her father?!” Oh shit. Now Gil knows there’s something BIG happening. Jessica would never run to Martin unless she absolutely had to.

26:19 - annnnd Gil’s also being a prideful man who’s feeling are hurt. “You went to him?” He’s right to be though - the woman he loves went to a serial killer for advice before going to the guy who practically co-parented with her.

26:33 - “I’m here. Whatever you need. I’m here.” <3 <3 Gil is the definition of a good man. <3 I’m in love with it.

26:48 - “You were right on time for me.” ....*snort* subtle Gil (and in front of JT!!)

27:08 - Edrisa is hysterical on caffeine. hahaha. This whole scene is perfect.

27:20 - You know someone is acting manic when Malcolm Bright is concerned about their eccentric behaviour.

27:34 - Annnnnd Tom Payne was a split second from breaking character here. I don’t blame him. hahaha

28:05 - EDRISA flipping and dropping that pencil. HAHAHAHAHAHA

29:10 - “Absolutely not.” hahaha this is funny but also really sweet. Malcolm knows that Edrisa hopped up on caffeine isn’t safe to have near an active killer. Who knows what’ll happen. I wish he’d care that much about his own well being. Looks like calling for backup last episode was a one time thing.

30:37 - I’ll give the writers one thing - Miss Windsor makes a convincing murder suspect.

31:22 - GIL. STANDING. UP. FOR. JT. IS. EVERYTHING. Where is O’Malley’s back up? Oh yeah, they’re not brave enough to defend him.

32:00 - Huh. Bright texted for backup. This is growth. I’m proud of him.

32:15 - YES. This JT arc was handled right. Sure JT could’ve complained. It would’ve been episodes upon episodes of bureaucratic nightmares and injustice. This show isn’t about racism. They showed enough to portray that the system is broken and they had JT act like a responsible adult. It’s not fair that JT had to go through this or that he’ll likely experience something similar to it again. But the fact that JT is acting like a bigger person is perfect. JT will protect his family. Always. That includes Malcolm. So JT avoids putting through a formal complaint because he knows that will take time away from doing his job, from protecting others, from hanging out with his wife and kid. JT’s taking the higher road, it might not be gratifying or fair but I respect the hell out of him for taking it.

32:28 - Gil is so so proud of JT. Look at him. <3 <3

33:40 - Look, Miss Windsor is a bit of a stuck up bitch but she has a good heart. Look at the way she immediately tells Malcolm where Ainsley is when she realizes what’s happening.

34:14 - This confused me during the first watch - Ainsley obviously didn’t drink any tea - so why is she drugged? (obviously I know now).

34:17 - Big brother Malcolm frantically looking for Ainsley is so so sweet. <3

35:42 - The music, the dolls, and Miss Windsor’s speech here. There’s something about this part of the episode that is strangely reminiscent of 5x16 of Criminal Minds.

36:20 - ......does Miss Windsor have some sort of mental illness? She’s talking to herself and ranting erratically. Is this just emotional stress or something deeper?

37:00 - This is why Malcolm’s not a serial killer. Even now- looking at a killer - he’s trying to sympathize with her. He’s trying to understand why. He’s trying to calm her down, diffuse the threat, and get her mental help.

39:00 - Oh yeah. Ainsley was definitely going to kill without remorse. Again. I’ve seen some theories that Ainsley only ever tries to kill to protect Malcolm. I disagree. I think Ainsley’s trying to protect herself. Ainsley is pissed off that this girl tried to drug her and kill her because she thinks Ainsley is wicked. Ainsley was pissed at Endicott for whatever he did to Ainsley before Malcolm got there. I think Ainsley felt threatened and scared so she reacted. I don’t think this has anything to do with protecting Malcolm.

39:41 - Malcolm isn’t a killer. Look. He smells gas but he takes the time to carry an unconscious murderer (who literally just tried to kill his sister) out of the building.

40:00 - The drama. Holy hell. What a weird ending to this case.

40:48 - Who gave Ainsley a police jacket and let her keep it?

41:14 - She almost died and she’s still obsessing over ‘winning’. This is seriously unstable behaviour. Way more concerning than anything Malcolm’s done since 2x1.

41:45 - “My father was a serial killer also.” Anyone else super irritated by that phrasing?!? Just me?!? Something about the ‘also’ feels super wrong to me.

41:53 - Oh sweetie. I’d argue that you are more messed up than Malcolm.

42:06 - Jessica went to see Martin twice in one episode. THIS IS BAD.

42:15 - “Maybe even more so than Malcolm if that’s possible.” Jessica knows her kids. I’m on her side here.

42:20 - Martin is way too happy about Ainsley showing signs of serial killing.

42:30 - Jessica? You married an act. That man never existed. He’s always been a serial killer. You just didn’t know it. He’s manipulative and you were a victim to it.

42:50 - “A partner.” OH THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL. ESPECIALLY FOR THE GIL/JESSICA ARC.

Okay....so definitely the weakest episode of the season so far. AND the fact that we got no mention of Tally and/or the baby this episode is a crime.

BUT I’M SO SO SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE. It’s going to be a televised fanfic and I can’t wait.

26 notes · View notes

atopearth · 3 years

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Collar X Malice Part 5 - Yanagi Aiji Route (including Criminal Chapter & Mini Review)

Time for the best looking guy Yanagi!! Okay, usually my favourite looking guy is never the route I like the most but we'll see how it goes! He's even got his own common route! Anyway, lmao at the glossary on Enomoto's relationship history, I find it hilarious how it says he's still haunted by the memory of his kindergarten teacher crush being married😂😂😂 HAHAHA, no wonder why Sasazuka doesn't have a good impression of Enomoto. Even on their first meeting, Enomoto gets his profession wrong and then he calls him tiny LOL. Way to be straightforward, I can imagine Sasazuka killing him in his mind already. On the other hand, Enomoto being a starstruck kid with Shiraishi's profiling job is so cute lol. Lmao at Sasazuka and Enomoto being nicknamed the Miso Soup Duo by Shiraishi because Enomoto calls Sasazuka seaweed, and initially Shiraishi called Enomoto Enoki loll. I'm really liking all the guys' first meeting! Especially how even though Sasazuka thinks Enomoto is an idiot, but could also understand and feel his sincerity towards the X-Day cases when they asked Enomoto what his motivations were. Well, it seems like Yanagi failed to protect someone a long time ago and that haunts him to this day, so I can see why he was so anxious over Ichika, and then so relieved to see she was alive (when they first met)🤔 I always felt like Yanagi knew Ichika, but it kinda got brushed to the side so I forgot, but now that he's actually asking her, I wonder where he met her... Yanagi's goal is as sweet as he is. To a certain extent, I have to agree with him that having a normal everyday life where you can talk with friends, eat what you want, go to work and then sleep soundly at night is something we should all be able to have, so Adonis taking that away from the people in Shinjuku makes him strive to return these "normal lives" back to the people. I guess that's understandable, I can't imagine the amount of stress all these people are under tbh. They're all stuck in Shinjuku, every adult has a gun, terrorists are everywhere with murder cases rampant, and the more cases that are discovered, the more the police's powers are questioned, as well as the discovery of more and more corruption within the police. No one feels safe, everyone wants a bit of their normal lives back so they try to live "normally" but at the same time it's not really their life because they're restricted, they're scared and they don't know if they'll even survive by the time X-Day comes.

Anyway, Yanagi is really so gentle and caring. Considering how patient Yanagi really is, it's kinda amusing how much he can't stand Okazaki lol. LMAO when Ichika asked Mukai and Sakuragawa if they were questioning her relationship with Shiraishi because they were interested in him😂😂 I can so imagine their absolute disgust lmao. Even though Kazuki doesn't have the best attitude, you really can't fault him for his sentiments. If December really is the last month they'll all get before X-Day then yeah, it would definitely be worse being stuck at home feeling too scared to go out and missing out on actually living your life, and honestly it's true, I mean that guy who was the game developer got killed at home, so really, staying at home doesn't guarantee your safety, the only thing that guarantees your safety is if you're not targeted and no one will really know if they are until they're about to be killed. When Kazuki said no one has never done anything wrong in their lives, so there's no guarantee that any of us could be safe, it really resonated with me because he's right. Everything has done something "wrong" at least once in their lives and Adonis is judging them for it on their own terms, meaning no one knows if they'll get judged or not because it's not like Adonis is very clear about what kind of people they target. I guess despite Kazuki's brashness, he does think quite a bit about Shinjuku's situation. But yeah, I don't blame Ichika, like dude, Kazuki goes out at 2am?! Yep, I'd be super worried. Anyway, one of the things I hate the most about starting a new route again is having to experience Kazuki and Ichika's bad relationship again. I honestly feel so hurt for Ichika every time he shouts at her saying she doesn't care about him, when he just doesn't notice that even though she's been busy and neglected him to an extent, she always makes sure to do stuff like make him breakfast, dinner etc and tries to communicate with him in the time she does have, whereas he has never made the effort to try to reach out to her and understand her life or situation. Honestly, if he ever just worried about her considering how much danger she's in as a police officer right now with Adonis and all the other crap going on, I would probably be less annoyed by how rebellious he is but really, he still aggravates me because of how inconsiderate and harsh she is. Anyway, I'm glad Ichika called Yanagi to go with her to check on Kazuki, and it was so nice of him to immediately come out to help her. Lmao when he asked Okazaki if he was there and he really was following them😂 HAHAHA, when Okazaki asked Ichika for her phone number and she looked at Yanagi to see if it was okay, and when he said yeah, Okazaki was like yay he got her dad's blessing lmaooo. Yanagi really is everyone's dad😂

How interesting though! Mochida and Ichika joining Investigations HQ to help out with the X-Day cases! I can understand why Ichika is so desperate though, honestly I always thought Ichika was never desperate enough in the other routes hahahaha. Ooh wow, so Yanagi couldn't shoot a criminal during his time as a policeman, and I guess that's probably related to this traumatic past and also Ichika's. Anyway, it's good that he puts a lot of weight to every life and doesn't believe in taking that away from a person, but yeah it would have been hard for him to continue as a policeman like that. Awwww, Ichika, Yanagi and the lost little girl holding hands looking for the girl's mother was sooo cuteeee!🥰🥰 I really liked how talking to Yanagi motivated Ichika to be more frank and honest with Kazuki and tell him what she couldn't before, as well as apologise for always just lecturing him and not trying to understand him. The CG with Yanagi touching her forehead checking if she has a fever and stuff after her "nightmare" was so pretty!! Yanagi has such beautiful CGs like dang, I love them all. Anyway, so great that she got to wake up to Yanagi's face hahahha, and food prepared by him too! It must feel pretty bad for Ichika...she so honestly told him she wanted to know more about him and be a proper partner with him for the investigations and he rejected her and pushed her away..

Akito's plight always breaks my heart. But hearing him so honestly telling Ichika that not only has he recently finally realised that what he hated most weren't the people who harassed his sister but instead himself, and then telling Ichika that he really really regrets joining Adonis, I couldn't help but feel so much pain for him. It's also because of Akito that makes me think that no matter how much I think those people who died in a sense "deserved" what happened to them, what Adonis does for people like Akito will never truly help them with what they truly need and want in their lives after what they suffered. Adonis only takes advantage of them and their weaknesses to do their personal bidding for their own personal revenge against society. No matter how pretty they make it sound as a rebirth of society and from corruption etc, all they're doing is using all the people who need the most help to hurt themselves and others in a pursuit of hatred and revenge. It also makes me think of Sanjou, that even though Adonis supposedly "helped" him with stuff like his revenge etc, in the end Sanjou didn't feel anything more from it than wanting to die. However, it's also undeniable that despite the result, I'm sure a part of these people would be relieved to have been "saved" by Adonis, and probably don't regret it like Akito. I mean, Sugawara Rika's torment was one that Adonis really helped to erase. One thing I always appreciate about Akito is that Kazuki's dreams and trust in Akito is always what makes Akito have the determination to go against Adonis, so it really makes me happy how much their friendship means to them and how much they cherish each other.

I was so happy that Ichika was there to help Yanagi continue to believe in his principles that you don't have to sacrifice people to save others, and that there can be ways to resolve situations without killing. I'm just happy that he didn't need to compromise himself in a state of confusion. As for Yanagi's past, it's something difficult for him to take considering even if it was ruled as self-defence back in the day (when he killed the guy who captured Ichika when she was young) it doesn't change the fact that he killed someone, so I'm sure that weighed heavily on him. I don't think many people would be able to stay the same after experiencing something like that. Just as Yanagi was saved by Ichika's words and could finally overcome a bit of the fear he had in shooting someone, him telling her how much he appreciated her encouraging him and helping him also relieved her of her own trembling fear in shooting in a real field and not just for target practice. I thought it was so cute how Yanagi admitted it was "his lost" and that he wants Ichika as his partner and wants to work hard together now. I'm not surprised that what happened at the Tokyo Metropolitan Building with the hostage situation was something Yanagi encountered before and that's why he found it difficult to face again, especially since in that incident, he continued to negotiate with the suspect even though he had orders to shoot him, and in the end the suspect got violent so others shot him anyway. Honestly, I'm sure that Yanagi understands that it must feel like naivety to want no one to die and not just prioritise "innocents" and "victims" knowing the danger that "criminals" can create especially when you're planted in such a situation, but I can understand a bit of Yanagi's sentiments. Tbh, it has always unsettled me whenever I think about criminals dying, and I understand that there are situations where it can't be helped, especially when it puts so many other people in danger and I would never arrogantly think that these people "could have done better" because I'm sure most people would rather not kill someone if they had the choice to not, but yeah digging into the thoughts and emotions of "criminals" have always been something I've been curious about a lot of my life. And of course even if we just capture criminals, we could probably never really "understand" why they did what they did anyway, but I do naively feel that as long as we keep trying, maybe we can find ways to create less of these situations where so many people wouldn't have to be so "hurt" and turn to crime. Of course, this would probably only apply to some "criminals" though since if crimes only stemmed from people who were hurt somehow in their lives, then things would probably be much simpler, but instead people's lives are complicated and what they choose to do would never come about from just one or two things that happened to them.

Anyway, considering Yanagi's thoughts, I agree with his decision to leave the police. With such doubts in his mind, I don't think he would be able to do what is expected of him, so instead of endangering others with his indecision, he might as well leave or take a break. And coupled with his desire to protect everything and new directives to prioritise shooting criminals performing acts related to X-Day, there's no way Yanagi would be able to stay with the police. And with that, I'm glad that Ichika was the one who was able to make Yanagi realise that alongside these ideals of his, he would still need to shoot people, even if it's not to cause death, but to protect others by disabling them from being able to cause danger. I think it's nice that Yanagi finally feels like he's actually moving forward from his fear of hurting people excessively. But yeah, seeing the past incident from Ichika's and Yanagi's perspectives was pretty daunting in the sense that Yanagi must have felt really bad that his actions caused the kidnapper to become violent with Ichika, and he felt responsible for needing to protect her and save her even more. His reckless and thoughtless actions led to that, and because he was "weak", he knew that if he wanted to protect Ichika properly, he needed to do everything he could to save her, and that meant killing the guy to make it impossible for him to do anything to them anymore. Yanagi was only a high school kid too, so that must have broken him so much. Ooh the kidnapper guy isn't dead, he's the guy in a coma that Yanagi has been visiting for 10 years! I'm surprised that no one took Yanagi to a therapist even if it was ruled as self-defence and he was a minor... It's so adorable how Yanagi was so concerned about whether Okazaki hit on Ichika, he had to message her again in the middle of the night after talking about the serious stuff before lol. I'm not sure if I'm being super suspicious but I feel like Mochida is a part of Adonis haha, sorry if I'm wrong since he's so nice😅 Saeki is expected since I kinda got spoiled haha but I've always wondered about him ever since he said in the beginning of the game that he admired Ichika's ideals or something haha. I'm glad that Yanagi told Ichika that just because Saeki is most likely the one who collared her, she doesn't need to think or deny everything she knows about him, and that if she wants to believe he has his own reasons, she should hear those first before thinking that everything was a lie.

I'm kinda shocked at how ruthlessly Saeki poisoned Ichika with the collar...but I guess I shouldn't be surprised since there were other times he killed her in those bad endings... Anyway, Mikuni's mother being a part of the religious cult that was kinda where Adonis originated is interesting...I wonder what exactly is the difference between Mikuni and Saeki now that Mikuni is willing to discard Saeki to save himself and his other followers? It's so nice of Kazuki care so much about Ichika btw~ Those moments are always so nice and worth it. On the other hand, as usual, Yanagi's CGs are so so beautiful! I love how upfront they are with each other with wanting to hold hands and get some physical support from the other. They're so cute~ It's interesting how Saeki has the same goal as Yanagi, which is to restore normal everyday life to everyone, but I guess mostly for the "weaker" people who have been oppressed and he'll just destroy the other "evil" people who interrupt that peace. Well, aside from it being problematic that he'll probably kill a lot of the population depending on what he regards as evil, but I can understand his sentiments to an extent. If most of the people he wants to get rid of are like people who "destroyed" Sanjou and his other colleagues' lives, or all those stalkers that basically made Sugawara paranoid and crazy, then yeah definitely understandable, but I still think people like Fujii are worth turning things around for. Yeah, Fujii made a lot of mistakes, abused his power and connections, oppressed others to elevate himself, and it's understandable if the ones involved like Isshiki and Ogata never forgave him, but seeing him sincerely regret his actions and want to repent, and continuously go to apologise to Isshiki and do what he can to make amends makes me believe that Saeki obviously thinks everyone is irredeemable. Fujii was terrible, and he can never give back what he took, but he had the potential again to give to others what he gave Enomoto, and I think that's something only someone who has learnt from their mistakes will much more appreciate in doing imo anyway.

Mikuni and Saeki seem much closer than it felt from the other routes, I guess that makes it all the more saddening that he died in Shiraishi's route. Sometimes I wonder if it's more saddening to be Mikuni, the person who has been so close to Saeki all this time and still not feel like he had truly understood him, or would it be more saddening to be Saeki and feel that Mikuni has been by his side all this time but still not really understand what he really wanted? I guess it's sad for both sides... It was really sad to see Mukai cry over Shiraishi, I honestly still feel like she's a better match for Shiraishi than Ichika but that's not important right now haha, but I do enjoy seeing how much it affected Mukai and how much she respects him even if she hates him at the same time lol. I'm so happy that Yanagi finally properly responded to Ichika's feelings!! I'm happy that he's finally come to terms with the idea that he can be selfish and happy as well, like it took a while, but it was honestly worth it with how the confession and everything went, it was so adorable and it really felt like Yanagi could fully desire a future with Ichika. Aww, I love how even Sasazuka made time to come to Enomoto's Christmas party (well Yanagi made the food though but yeah lolol). HAHAHA, I love how Yoshinari noticed something was going on with Yanagi and Ichika (when she told him to stop smoking so much since he's been smoking even more these days), and so Yanagi admitted to it by kissing her on the cheek in front of everyone hahahahaha! It was so funny how Yanagi was blushing after doing that lmaoo. And I died when Enomoto screamed that Yanagi was so cool😂😂 I love how supportive Enomoto is all the time, and I guess Sasazuka as well with his tsundere-ness lol~ Yanagi calling her Ichika instead of Hoshino was so cuteee~ Anyway, I'm kinda disappointed with how Saeki was...handled? Like, considering how much it was the core of the story for Ichika to be the one who was supposed to in a sense "truly understand" and succeed Saeki's ideals, I honestly wanted to hear more of what Saeki desired. Like yeah, he wanted to erase all sorrow and honestly it's understandable, especially when he said to Yanagi and them that there are people who are too weak to be like those who are "strong" and can continue to face forward and power through their "sorrow", because really, if everyone really could soldier on through their sorrow, then no one would be truly "unhappy". Anyway, I just felt it was pretty underwhelming to have Saeki to be the "mastermind" but he probably has less screentime than the other villains in the other routes lol. Otherwise, Yanagi giving a ring to Ichika was so adorable, I love how literally everyone is so curious about their love that they would all go to peek on them lmao. The other endings are pretty interesting, but honestly wayy too short to really feel anything about them. I think the crazed Ichika that wanted to lock up Kazuki and Yanagi so that they would never get hurt from Adonis was amusing.

The Criminal Chapter is kinda interesting, but I think they might have been more useful in the chapters themselves than separately, since I feel like, if you felt something for them, then this only solidifies it, but if you didn't, then nothing can really change your opinion of them now. Personally, I've always liked quite a few of them though, so I did appreciate Ogata being fleshed out with the departure of his wife, I think it's more saddening that what caused her to leave wasn't really because she lost faith in Ogata himself but because she couldn't handle the pressure from everything that came from it. But yeah I think that would have made him a more empathised character in Enomoto's route, since I feel like in the route, they focused more on him hating the police and justice itself rather than exploring directly his pain itself, which I think would have made him a more interesting villain for that route. Hana didn't change for me, because it was pretty expected, considering how "normal" her reason was, her obsession and craziness was probably the worst, and probably the most uncomfortable to watch because out of all the victims, Enomoto's relation to Fujii and hearing about his story really made Fujii's death that much more personal. Akito's was definitely really tragic, because seeing Akito's attitude towards his sister before her death, and even calling her creepy like all the other bullies did made me further understand how much Akito hated himself the most. I always feel so bad for Sugawara though, I can't imagine these stalkers scrutinising every moment of her life, hindering her work, all her friends and everything, I honestly think I would want to just die to get away from all that. As for Souda... Honestly, the way Sasazuka captured Souda in his route still kinda haunts me, and reading a bit more about his past solidifies how uncomfortable I felt having to see Souda experience all he did in Sasazuka's route. I know it's not a healthy way to handle things and his problems, but I think by being able to personally understand how much a game could "save" you, and then having that betray you because of something that isn't your fault and then being hated for it really hurt. Shion and Suzune got a lot of screentime in Shiraishi's route, so yeah nothing much to say that I haven't said tbh.

Something I think I would have really appreciated in Okazaki's route would be seeing more about how Sanjou and the other officers despaired over the physical and mental abuse they suffered at work from their superiors. Sanjou's feelings still got across to me though so I guess it was good enough, but I think it would have nice to delve deeper into how terrible the environment was, and how much hope Sanjou lost because this was the police itself that was destroying them, so where could they even turn? Considering how important Saeki and Mikuni's meeting 10 years ago should have been, and their ideals and everything, it's a bit frustrating to have to see it in this chapter that's not a part of the actual main story. Also, considering how much Mikuni being the prime minister's son was a big deal, and the assassination attempt years ago, you would assume the story would at least talk about the prime minister himself to get a gauge of his image and stuff, but this is also only loosely explored in this criminal chapter lol. But through this, I think I can better understand why Mikuni and Saeki can never really "understand" each other. Which can already be kinda described through their respective lives with Mikuni being strong in the sense that even though he grew up with most things people would wish to have, he chooses to discard all that to fight for a more equal world, whereas Saeki's determination was never something that stemmed from "choice", Saeki's desires seemed to be more fuelled by the pressure of survival in itself, and that's why Mikuni will never be able to understand his desperation, and also how truly personal it is to be fighting for the "weak" who just aren't strong enough to properly fight or do something about their situation, such as his mother. I really liked the CG of all the executors at the end though~

MINI REVIEW Overall, I really did like Collar X Malice. There's a lot of things I felt a bit weird about such as Shiraishi's ending, how boring Ichika became in the second half of Sasazuka's route, lack of exploration into Saeki's character etc, but I still really enjoyed it! I think what I loved most was definitely the individual cases themselves, because exploring police corruption and the unfairness in society by "victims" who felt like they were forced to rely on Adonis to solve their problems and injustice was interesting and emotionally engaging. I empathised with a lot of them and especially liked Akito and Sanjou since something about them really resonated with me, it was probably their sadness tbh. A lot of them lash out in anger towards the "perpetrators" so I think seeing Sanjou and Akito just so "done" with this world and so sad about how they were forced to view themselves, their place in this world and how the world has treated them kinda broke my heart. Honestly, I liked all of them except Hana lol. As for Saeki, I didn't really feel much for him even after getting to know more about his story and relationship with Mikuni. Maybe my opinion might change after I play Collar X Malice: Unlimited since there's apparently an Adonis route lol, but yeah, honestly after all the fleshed out (most of them) "villains" in each route, it's kinda "funny" how shallow Saeki was portrayed imo even though I thought his ideals for helping the "weak" was an interesting idea. Anyway, as for the LIs, this is surprising (and kinda funny) but my favourite was definitely Enomoto. Whenever people mention CxM, it's always about Shiraishi and Sasazuka, so I had no expectations at all for Enomoto but I loved him SO MUCH. Not kidding at all, because every time I read his route, I couldn't stop smiling or laughing because he was so cute, earnest, sincere and funny. He's honestly not even the type I like because Yanagi is my favourite type lmao, but I loved Enomoto to the max. He and Ichika play off each other really well and in a cute way. The funny thing is that usually my favourite type usually has a boring route, but surprisingly I really liked Yanagi's route too! I think exploring Yanagi's weakness, guilt and inability to move forward properly was more interesting than I thought it would be and I really enjoyed how he and Ichika interacted. Honestly, I reallyyyy like Okazaki as an LI but I found his route rather boring until the end lol, and even though Sasazuka was kinda cute and less mean than I thought, I found that the "fire" Ichika had towards others in other routes wasn't present with Sasazuka and it kinda felt like she just followed him around in the second half lol. As for Shiraishi, it's funny how he's so mysterious but has such a "wholesome" route for the most part until the end lol, but yeah anyway, he wasn't my type in terms of looks, personality, story or anything so yeah... Lol. Overall, I would rate the game an 8/10! Enjoyable and probably one of the "better” otome out there with a good story~

#collar x malice

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

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March 19: 2x11 Friday’s Child

Finally watched this week’s TOS. This was a hard day again and I’m tired and basically as soon as the ep ended my mood deflated again but I think I can write up a few notes and then crawl right back into bed again.

Another episode about negotiating for a mining treaty, huh? (I’m keeping track of all of these, roughly, for my own Nefarious Purposes).

The aliens are seven feet tall and they wear silly outfits.

Wow, what a dumbass red shirt. You’d think Starfleet would train people NOT to just randomly draw their weapons in diplomatic situations.

I honestly forgot there were Klingons in this.

DC Fontana wrote this!! I forgot that too.

Lol Kirk just drops the deceased red shirt. And then keeps holding his hands out like ‘what am I to do now?’

“They want to negotiate for our rocks. Our stupid, useless rocks. Everyone wants our rocks! So weird.”

I’m actually kind of surprised DC Fontana wrote a Klingon ep but like... I guess it’s not that surprising given this guy doesn’t even have a name and is also really dumb lol. At least he’s not in brownface.

When Kirk and Spock disarmed I didn’t realize they were throwing down their communicators and I was a little confused as to why they had to carry so many phasers each.

Kirk’s pretty upset about the crewman’s death, which I get, he always goes feral when one of his people dies and I appreciate that about him... but that guy really did fuck up lol.

I like seeing Scotty in command.

Oooh mood lighting in the tent. And Spock is meditating I think.

Emotion is “inefficient and illogical.” No wonder Kirk thinks they can never be in love!!

And yet jealous is also inefficient and illogical and I detect some of it in Spock when the blonde Cappellan comes in.

“They consider combat more pleasurable than love.” Hmm sounds like someone else I know.

... Honestly I wish the Grounders had been like this. I feel like there’s more thought in creating this society in one episode than in creating that one over 7 seasons.

I love Bones in this and his role as cultural translator.

The Federation believes in self-determination.

“The sky does not interest me.”

I really do dig the world building here. There’s so much going on in this one ep, even just in part of an ep, and you really get the sense that this is a whole world with its own rules and customs and values, and its own complex political machinations that our mains have really just wandered into.

Also the soundtrack today is NOT messing around. TV composers just don’t go this hard anymore, sorry.

Oooh now the Klingon’s afraid at the prospect of fighting Kirk.

The Enterprise just walked into a coup I guess.

Lots of fighting! Kirk must be having fun.

Scotty is so commanding! I feel like he and Uhura were already friends at this point. Like whenever he’s in command she seems really comfortable just wandering up to his chair all the time.

Also why are they ALWAYS signing stuff?

Yessss silent triumvirate communication.

“To live is always desirable.” I mean she’s not wrong but so much for being willing to die without a fuss lol.

It’s kind of wild how this ep started out being about a mining treaty and drama with the Klingons and all of this alien political drama and then basically becomes all about saving one (1) pregnant widow (and themselves) from huge, ,hostile aliens in funny feather boas.

Sulu insulting Scotty’s knowledge of ships lol. Not smart.

Can’t believe the Klingon couldn’t get his weapon back but Kirk got his communicators back no problem. Who is the smarter alien?

They’ll find us BY SCENT ALONE what a detail to just throw in there!

Lol this whole scene with McCoy and Eleen is hilarious and ridiculous in equal measure. Like I can’t entirely blame her for not wanting to be touched intimately by a strange alien man (rude!!) but also I do enjoy McCoy’s gruff insistence that he WILL care for his patient. This is what AOs didn’t get about “Grumpy Bones.” He’s not mean, he’s just...not up for niceties when he has a healing to do. He WILL care for you dammit!

And he has soft hands.

Spock is loving this.

Kirk’s subtle reverse psychology. “Well if you don’t think the communicator plan can work” and then Spock like “I didn’t say that exactly...”

They aren’t human, they’re humanoid!

And again, the subtle taunting/goading of Bones: “Well if you can’t do it...”

I’m a doctor, not an escalator! One of the best lines.

Detective Scotty. Kind of ridiculous how he solves the case of the taunting Klingons luring them away from the planet...but then sticks around a bit more just in case.

The child is McCoy’s!

Spock is so uncomfortable with this giving birth thing. “Oh look Captain, vegetation!”

“Just repeat ‘The child is mine.’“ “Yes, the child is yours.” Lol.

Arts and crafts with Kirk and Spock! I love that this is a McCoy ep with subtle space husbands in the background.

Favorite moment though is McCoy trying to teach Spock how to hold a baby. “I would rather not, thank you.”

“Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on...won’t get fooled again.”

I love that Chekov is consciously messing with them about everything being from Russia.

Also the absolute GALL of the Klingons trying the exact same ship luring technique a second time.

Can’t believe that Bones wants to go off and have fun with the boys and just leave the baby alone in the cave. You’re a dad now McCoy!! Be responsible!

“Small patient.” Yes very small!

Cool little robot battle station unfolding at the helm.

I feel like when Kirk and Spock have that exchange about cavalry coming over the hill and Spock says "if by that you mean..." Kirk should have answered, "I thought I just said that." But then that wouldn't be very Kirk of him. He never makes fun of Spock.

This Klingon is not having a good day!

Scotty and the redshirts here to save the day.

I guess Maab wasn’t so bad after all. And Elaan is perhaps a little confusing, but I admire her desire to both save herself and adhere to her people’s traditions, even if those are incompatible desires.

Spock absolutely IS going to consult linguistics about baby talk. Probably Uhura specifically.

LEONARD JAMES AKAAR. Absolutely one of the top 5 final bridge scenes. They really missed an opportunity to return to the planet in a later movie or series and interact with the Teer.Captain Picard meets Leonard James Akaar.

This was a good ep! I really only remembered the Bones and Elaan parts with the baby, so I forgot all of the political machinations and stuff in the beginning of the ep. It’s a pretty solid world building episode and of course, lots of McCoy, can’t go wrong with that.

I actually think it makes a lot of sense for Bones to be the child’s “father” tbh. Like, I know everyone thinks it’s funny but like... in our culture, we assign pseudo-parental roles to people who aren’t blood relatives of children based on the adult’s relationship with the child’s blood relative and that’s arguably weirder. Like you can be a kid’s step father by marrying his mom even if you really don’t have any relationship to him, so why shouldn’t McCoy, who saved Leonard’s mother’s life and delivered him, and convinced her to actually desire to raise him, be considered his “father”? ESP given that this society seems to have no place at all for fatherless children. They just can’t conceive of such a thing. So “father” has to encompass something other than, or not strictly limited to, biological father. She was so quick to assign McCoy fatherhood status, I have to assume this happens a lot, that people take on that role for non-bio children.

Not a lot for Spock to do today but I think he had fun. He got to explode some rocks and make some bows and shoot some arrows. And Kirk got into a lot of fights so I think he enjoyed himself.

I don’t know if I believed the Cappellans were 7 feet tall but they did look broad and alien so I will give them that.

It was nice to see Scotty in command again. I’m so mad at AOS still for making him comic relief. I think he’s actually quite a serious person. Talking with my mom, I’ve decided that the crew can be grouped into ‘cracks jokes through a crisis’ and ‘generally gets very serious in a crisis, reserves humor for calm moments’ and while Sulu, Chekov, and Spock are in group 1, Scotty is definitely in group 2 with Kirk and McCoy. (Uhura seems generally lighthearted and fun loving but not funny per se so I don’t know how to group her.)

Also this is one of the early filmed Chekov episodes (as you can see by the hair) and he spends it, again, at Spock’s station. It’s so obvious he was introduced as Spock’s protege, not as the navigator, which I think is very interesting. Like I want to hear the backstory on that.

Next week’s episode is The Deadly Years, which I remember as being very solid.

#star trek tos #the year 2021 #2021: star trek #2021: star trek tos

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #356

“i’m just a painting that’s still wet: if you touch me, i’ll be smeared, you’ll be stained, stained for the rest of your life”

Have you ever used emotional blackmail to get your own way? WOW, no. What a starter. Has anybody ever used emotional blackmail on you? Not to my memory. Who did you last worry about and why? Honestly? Myself. My physical health just isn't very good right now. When are you next at work? Do you enjoy your work? N/A When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite? I'm not sure; I'm honestly very, very bad at this. I struggle big time hiding if I don't like something. Last time you heard a growl, who or what did it come from? My stomach. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never. Do you have a mouse for your laptop? (Assuming you have a laptop) I use a mouse. I'm not a big trackpad fan. Do you have the right time set on your microwave? Yeah. What is your most expensive bill? I don't have any bills that I pay myself, because I can't. Do you have a big yard? No. Is there someone you would love to punch right now? Myself lol. Does the water in your shower take a long time to get warm? Yeah, it does. Song playing? I have "Leave A Scar" by Marilyn Manson on. Are you tired? I'm always tired. If you had the power to instantly transform someone’s life (for the better), who would you choose to use this on? My mom. Her entire life has been so fucking unfair, and she doesn't deserve it whatsoever. Just one day of her being perfectly happy would make my entire life. You wake up to a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. Your family is safe, but most of your city is zombified. You need weapons and various other supplies. What is your first general course of action? I seriously cannot even begin to imagine what I would do besides panic and be one of the first to die, honestly. If a family member (or boyfriend/girlfriend, if you have one) happened to be infected by one of these undead creatures, how would you go about dealing with that situation? It would tear me to shreds, but shoot them in the head to hopefully prevent them from turning. I couldn't let them suffer. Does someone’s view on homosexuality affect how you feel about them in any way? Sure as hell does. How about someone’s view on religion? This one depends on what their beliefs entail and to what intensity. If you were paralyzed from the neck down, would you still want to continue living? Why or why not? NO. NO. NO. This is seriously one of my biggest fears. Just fucking kill me. That sounds like very legitimate torture to me. Has any medication you’ve taken ever made you sick? How so? Three, to my memory. When I started Latuda, it made me throw up semi-frequently, BUT its effectiveness made me stay on it. My body eventually adjusted. The same thing happened with my current mood stabilizer, Vraylar. I was also on another, Trintellix I think, and that one did nothing but consistently make me puke, so I stopped it. Would you ever consider being a foster parent? No. Would you rather drink alone or with friends? With friends. Do you have too much time on your hands? WAY too much time. And yet I do nothing productive with it. Have you ever thought about hurting someone? Not seriously, no. Do you thank people for helping you? Always. Have you ever seen a zebra up close? Yeah, a few. Do you freak out if you see blood? Nah, it doesn't bother me. Have you ever complained to a manager about anything? What was it? No. Are there any songs that make you feel angry inside when you hear them? "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White makes me feel that, among a thousand other emotions that are way too strong for me to handle, so I just don't listen to it. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? YIKES, no. Are you in an argument with anyone right now? No. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Numerous times. Who’s the last person who cussed you out in anger? I think only my grandmother has done that. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve meet online? Sara. (: Have you friended your parents on FB? I have my mom on there, but Dad doesn't have a FB. Where do you go out to eat for a special occasion? It depends on what we're in the mood for and what the occasion is. When someone sneezes, do you say “Bless you,” or “God Bless you?” Just "bless you." Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching? Yeah, it's a wonderful movie. Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? House. Are you one of those people who like to spell out numbers? Grammatically speaking, any number below ten should be spelled out. I obviously spell out "ten," but w/e. Did you or do you still have a Furby? Was/is it annoying? I did as a kid. It didn't annoy me then, but as an adult I know they're creepy as shit lol. What's one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? I don’t participate in any town events. Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouse’s names? Yeah. There's Nick, Josh, and Franky. Do you know how to sew? What's your favorite thing to sew? No. Have you ever owned a turtle? Did it ever bite you when you owned it? It's so awful looking back on, but my sisters and I kept a box turtle that wondered into our yard once as kids. No proper husbandry or anything; it was just in the kiddie pool. Thankfully, we were smart enough to not actually keep it forever (or rather, until it probably died from improper care); we wound up releasing it into the pond near our house, from which we assume it came from. Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? I do; it comes with the Adobe photography bundle I have. I definitely don't use it daily, or even weekly. Has your school ever had a lockdown? If so, for what reason exactly? No, only drills. Do you enjoy it when your school has drills? (ex/fire or tornado drill?) I didn't, no, because I didn't like imagining the real situation. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? I'm an adult, for one. But anyway, I've never watched shows they'd have a problem with. If you have any pets, how would you describe their personalities? The cat, Roman: very, very affectionate, boisterous, demanding, playful, smart as fuck, and shy when it comes to strangers. The snake, Venus: curious, chill, and a bit timid. Do you have any friends that own a private lake? Not to my knowledge. Do you have a drone? No. Who is your favorite comedian? It was John Pinette, but following his death, probably Gabriel Iglesias. Where were you the last time you stayed in a hotel? I think at a dance competition? Do you know anyone with Crohn’s disease? Yeah. Out of all of the shows, movies, and books you love, who is your OTP (one true pairing)? Probably Spyro and Cynder from The Legend of Spyro trilogy. I love them. But I honestly don't have like, intense OTP feelings for any fictional characters? No real reasons, I just don't. Rhett and Link are my *true* OTP haha, but I didn't know if they counted since they're obviously real. Have you ever written a fanfiction? Did people actually like it? Nah. Have you ever liked playing dollmakers or online dress-up games? OH MY GOD my little sister and I would do that together ALL the time. Have you ever sent any celeb fan mail? No. Have you ever gotten a serious injury at school? What happened? No. Do your pets follow you when you walk around the house? Oh yes, he's my shadow. What was the very first social media site you signed up for? Myspace. Are you the type of person who knows exactly what they want in life? I mean, I know what I want, I just don't know if it's achievable for me. Do you have commitment issues? Nope. If you were to start a business, what kind would it be? I'd love to have like my own facility for boudoir photography. I've only shot boudoir once, but it immediately became a passion because of how empowering it was for my then-friend. I could go on a real ramble as to why I love it. What’s something you’ve done that sounds too crazy to be true? Been to psychiatric hospitals like six times. I honestly did lose count. Are there any flowers planted outside your house? No. What was the last thing you drank? Water. Truly incredible, I know. What’s the weirdest decoration you’ve seen in someone else’s home? *shrug* Did you have your own bathroom when you were growing up? No. Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad and his wife. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? That dinosaurs never existed. What was the very first election you voted in? This past one, actually. Do you feel positive and optimistic about your future? I don't want to think about this. What exes do you still associate with? Just Sara and Girt. Who told you they loved you last? My mom. Your worst enemy? I don't say I have any enemies. People who don't like me or I don't like them, but "enemy" isn't the proper word. What was your last dream about? Ugh. What a fucking question to ask, considering what I dreamt last night. I had both a nightmare and a normal dream; in the nightmare, I was sucked up into a tornado and carried away, and it felt so, so real. I was terrified. The dream is more vague in my memory, but I know I was at Jason's house (which wasn't actually his house) and his mom was still alive. I was hanging out with her and just chatting. It made me wake up in a really somber mood. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Psych hospitals, yes. Have you ever built a snowman? Yeah. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate. Do you have any scars? I have a lot, but most are from negligible instances that just won't go away for some reason. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? Putting all impossibilities aside as well as any potential health repercussions, maybe a meerkat and an opossum? Just in general a meerkat with a marsupial tail would be SO cute. Plus imagine the pattern. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh I don't know. Can you do any accents other than your own? I can pull off a really convincing British one. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. No. I just get clean, get out. I've always hated showering (the process anyway, I obviously enjoy feeling clean), so I get my business done adequately and then I'm done. Do you believe in aliens? Eh, maybe. It does seem pretty questionable to believe NOTHING else can exist in an infinite space. I doubt they're little green men, though. What do you think about babies? WAY too much work and WAY too much responsibility. Keeping another life safe, healthy, happy... the idea alone is terrifying. No thanks.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''leave a scar'' by marilyn manson

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tylerwritez · 3 years

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Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪 like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

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miraculouslycool · 4 years

Text

Rae Rewatches Miraculous Ladybug

Season 1: Rogercop

Tom is the best father

Ninette!

Oohhh Adrien, I just want to give you a hug

And the bars of the windows purposefully shadow over him....to show his loneliness....

Not even a minute into the episode and my heart is already shattered

Nino and Marinette look so worried for him

Why did only four students' parents show up?? Where's Mylene's dad as an actor? Where's Alix's dad as the director of a museum?? Where's Juleka's mom as- wait, what's her profession again?

For once Chloe listens to her dad

Sabrina looks so happy to receive the croissant wow

"Well if you're so rich, obviously you don't need free croissants!" SHOTS FIRED

How did no one see Plagg??

Plagg why would Chloe have camem- never mind it's Plagg

Plagg's attraction to shiny things explains a lot....

Plagg tf

A huge development on Marinette's part: In Origins she tumbled over, but no one laughed at her, and she was apologizing for no reason. Now she trips, but everyone laughs WITH her, and she doesn't think much of it. Marinette no longer views her clumsiness as a weakness or flaw.

I like that Roger is still trying to keep the situation under control instead of bowing to Chloe's whims like most people (looking at you, Bustier and Damocles)

Andre you big fat jerk

As mayor, yes you are superior but you technically have no power over Roger's job

That's abuse of power.

He can't fire him

Sabrina is so chill about her father losing his job????

*skips Hawkmoth monologue*

*record screech*

WAIT BACK THE FUCK UP

THIS BITCH PURPOSEFULLY MISSED OUT ON SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO HIS SON SO HE COULD MESS AROUND WITH HIS BUGS?!

WHY AM I EVEN SURPRISED

"Parent child relationships can be so complicated" not like you are an expert at it, are you SHITBRIEL?!

Roger is still worried about breaking the law over his job. Wow.

Tom is still the best father

"If I were her bracelet I'd try and get away as far as possible from that crazy brat too!" SHOTS FIRED

Sorry but Sabrina's growl-wiggle was hilarious

How on earth did Nathaniel manage to sketch the bracelet on Chloe's table in the FRONT ROW?!

I have my.... opinions on Mendelieev but her just walking past an Akuma without any fear is something else lol

Analysed by professionals? It's a video not a thumbprint

Couldn't Plagg just phase out of the bracelet??

Adrien is so done

"Rock Hard abs" KSKSKAKAKSJ PLAGG

Adrien's the king of expressions

*skips Hawkbitch monologue*

"Let the adults handle this?" Marinette did more than the three authorities in the room

Okay....maaaayyybeee Marinette is being a little biased towards Adrien

"I don't know!" The way Chloe said that was hilarious

Why did Adrien think that would work

"You're always thinking with your stomach"

WhY does he have a pepper shaker just lying around??

Son...I love you but...I have questions

Atleast it worked

Adrien you smart cookie

You're literally a millionaire get another bracelet

Those were some moves, Bug girl is killing it

Kskdkkelwk it cracks me up so much that Chloe just marched up to an Akuma for help so unironically

I never saw that Chat just landed on his wrist to deflect it

LMFAO HE LANDED ON THE TRASH CAN

"Don't listen to that liar" - Hawkmoth. Someone get me that duct tape

Oh wow she just flew

Oh my god Chloe

"I bet you missed me!" And they say Chat Noir is the flirt

Oooh that was a close save by Ladybug

The more I watch these the more their teamwork astounds me

"Thanks for the lasso, lassie!"

Chloe you SAW him put it on autopilot

Chat Noir has all these amazing moves with his staff and the way he chooses to hit Rogercop is by going "BANG BANG BANG" on him

He just stopped fighting there for a minute, like he had given up

Kitty is angery

Look at that dexterity!! He stopped the car with one hand!

"Nice day for a swim!" Babie you are falling to your death

Thank you Ladybug for saving Almost-Pancake Noir

Also she caught herself all on her own!! Queen!

SHE JUST DROPS HIM

Cats always land on their feet but Chat Noir always lands on his backside

That lil moment of Ladynoir banter!!

Was Chloe just inside that car all along? I forgot about her

*looks at that car shaped cutout on the door* Now THAT is precision

Oh he captured Chloe while we all forgot about her!!

"So much for your powers. Ha ha ha ha ha"

I don't see any of his handcuffs on the- OH COME ON are they really going to follow the Akuma and not the superheroes trying to save them??

So it's nighttime....which means Ladynoir spent an entire day in each other's company while hiding from everyone......YOUNG FORBIDDEN SECRET LOVE

LOOK AT EM JUST SITTING THERE NEXT TO EACH OTHER WHILE BEING UNDER MORTAL PERIL I AM WEAK

"We should go defend ourselves in a court of law!" I love how seriously he says that while having a bounty on his head

LOOK AT THAT POLE DANCING

AND TAP DANCING

"Something about Paris just makes you wanna dance!"

"GO Ladybug GO!" Great GOing Chloe

"You've got justice and revenge all mixed up!" Think Ladybug just roasted, no incinerated Saltinette

"Fabulous, so wretchedly Fabulous!" Can someone tell Gabe he isn't Sharpay Evans?

Kitty defeated an entire army all on his own

Ladybug and Chat definitely enjoyed throwing Chloe and her father

"Stop shooting like an idiot, Rogercop!" Says the biggest idiot himself

She took that belt only because she hasn't discovered her Chat tail kink yet

Proof that Chat's suit has pockets

Lol love how slyly he absolved himself of his crime

"That's Chloe's bracelet" How did he hear her SAY that and not recognise who she was??

So the cat Miraculous holder can control the extent of his Cataclysm!

Chat got handcuffed.

That entire sequence of Ladybug oven mitting Rogercop with a belt was too awesome

I replayed it only about 3000 times

The way Roger says "NOOO" though lol

"As Rogercop would say, Justice has prevailed in the streets of Paris!" NDKDKWOK I CAN'T HE'S SUCH A DORK

AND LADYBUG'S SWEET SMILE AT HIM, SAME GIRL, SAME

"I'd stick around but you'd see me without my mask and you wouldn't be able to resist me"

Neither him nor Ladybug know how right he is

*skips Hawkmoth monologue*

How hadn't Ladybug timed out yet? Chat used his Cataclysm several minutes after her

Ladybug's giggle is so cute

Lieutenant Roger's happiness is infectious

"A valuable lesson, learned. Right Chloe?" Oh you just threatened another parent, a teacher, a principal and an entire school and NOW you choose to parent your daughter

#miraculous ladybug #ml season 1 #ml rewatch #Rae Rewatches Miraculous Ladybug

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maxtothemax · 4 years

Text

Hawk Annotations

It’s been some days since Hawk came out so I figured I’d post my stupid annotations on here. Putting it all under a cut because, obviously, there are so many spoilers, and I had a lot to say.

Started reading: 7/6/20

The 10th Maximum Ride book

It just came out today and I just got it in the mail so let’s see what this dumpster fire is all about.

2 – well! the world building is already bad

3 – I do sorta like the narrative voice though

8 – there’s so much swearing. wonder whether she’s allowed to say fuck though

she says “feck”???

11 – how is there an even remotely functional government like 15-20 years post-apocalypse

13 – why’d she wait the extra half hour?

15 – “my kids” I’m going to assume this is more of a flock situation than a teen mom situation?

19 – so much exposition :/

23 – I’m really not invested in any of this. Ugh, and I have 400 pages to go… [well, okay, it was more like 375. My hardcover copy was long.]

26 – for someone who doesn’t care about her parents, Hawk sure does bring them up a lot

37 – oh, that’s probably Fang, isn’t it

39 – is that a fucking smiley face? [It actually had J in the narration. What??]

40 – “Anytime I heard the word ‘experiment,’ my ears perked right up” okay just call me out like that I guess

43 – that would make sense

46 – black lab coat? [the future of lab fashion?]

67 – hmm this is weird, I don’t like it

69 – she didn’t really seem like she was into that

72 – …but apparently she was?

77 – I WAS RIGHT

78 – well that escalated quickly

82 – I don’t know how to feel about this

84 – WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED???

85 – has Max been in solitary for 10 years? What the fuck?? [It wasn’t solitary confinement, actually, just regular prison.]

87 – none of this world building makes any sense

101 – this is incredibly poorly written. Barely even follows the rules of reality

102 – It’s also very dark, edgy, “Life sucks deal with it” flavored and I’m not a fan

General note: this is reminding me of Witch & Wizard in all the worst ways. Especially page 105. [It’s been brought to my attention that Gabrielle Charbonnet also co-authored at least one book in that series, so that’s probably why.]

106 – Why does McCallum sound exactly like Trump? [The most shocking part of reading this book was finding out that Jimmy Patterson apparently disapproves of Trump.]

108 – so we’re not ignoring the “he was like a brother to me” thing?

109 – JP has torn this series apart so thoroughly. I hate him.

116 – Fuck this. You killed her after giving her maybe 2 minutes of page time. There’s nothing meaningful about that!! Nothing!!

119 – oH SHIT OKAY

121 – that didn’t make it any better, actually

Everything feels so pointless here

I don’t even want to read this but it’ll bug me if I don’t :/

127 – At least this book is better about describing characters

129 – HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY TELL?? Isn’t Ridley enough to prove it?

Side note: will we ever find out who Rose is?

130 – multiple sets of what now?

133 – HOW DO THEY FOLD TWICE???? [Their wings! Fold twice! How the FUCK does that work??]

138 – I’m sorry what

141 – Okay yeah McCallum is definitely a Trump stand in

145 – that’s not gonna happen

147 – I know Jeb is dead but I would be totally unsurprised if McCallum turned out to be Jeb. [Spoiler alert: he isn’t. Evidently Jeb’s still dead. Good for him.]

148 – Okay that line was actually good [the line was: “I’m Maximum Ride, you son of a bitch!”]

149 – Max ALMOST said fuck. Very nearly.

[God just let her say fuck, she deserves it the most]

153 – well this is fucked

154 – you’re not allowed to judge anyone’s names, you named yourself Hawk

160 – It doesn’t even really feel like the flock is older. Except Nudge, probably b/c she keeps calling Hawk “sweetie”

163 – why is Freak capitalized?

164 – “We try to keep the body count low. Part of our personal growth.” I’M SCREAMING NUDGE IS SO FUNNY

173 – OH SHIT

181 – Crismins? Did they change the word for Christmas?

183 – As usual, Nudge is the only one here who I respect

190 – Nudge would be an amazing mom

I’m actually so happy about Nudge’s characterization so far, I love her. Nudge stan for life.

[In the original series: Nudge who? I don’t know her.

In Hawk: Nudge is everyone’s favorite person.]

193 – “You want a wing! Find yourself a goddamn brain first!” that’s so fucking good actually

203 – Are you fucking kidding me

205 – OH GOD DAMMIT

209 – savage

215 – this just in: horses aren’t real

Hey also where the fuck’s Angel? Did she finally start a cult or something?

221 – “he’d put his dad wings on” that’s… quite a phrase

When did Fang become such a hardass? [Edit: actually he was focused on rescuing Max so I guess that’s justified.]

225 – “eyeless Rain” are we doing the blind mentioning thing again? Really? [JP has a bad habit of traumatically removing characters’ vision and then always bringing up that they’re blind as though that’s their only character trait, and I for one think he should be banned from writing for that alone.]

234 – well that escalated quickly

237 – way to avoid describing Gazzy or Iggy’s wings lol

246 – seeing Max call Fang “my love” is very uncomfortable

247 – Okay, that’s cute. [Cutest scene in the whole book, actually.]

257 – Nudge does have curly hair!!! See!!! [@ Narae Lee: take some fucking notes.]

259 – Gazzy’s environmentally friendly bombs. He should make a business.

269 – “forking”? Excuse me sir this is [definitely] not the Good Place I’m sure you can just say fuck

271 – Oh god I don’t want to think about how old the flock is now

HAWK HAS TATTOOS??

272 – These Ride girls are really prone to fainting I guess. Real convenient for transitions between scenes.

278 – I’m still so pissed that the flock was separated for ten years. Not even in a heartbreaking way—it just feels like there was no point to it

Also: how did they find out what happened to Rose? [Also: why use a random character you just made up instead of characters we already know? Hello? Wasn’t Fang’s gang still around post-apocalypse? Weren’t they all friends by then?]

283 – Oh god, is it Angel?

284 – YEP! And holy shit did Total have a kid or something?

285 – Okay so I was this close with the cult leader thing

287 – TOTAL’S ALIVE??? and remarried?? where is he? [I still want some fucking answers, James.]

295 – what the fuck is with the spelling here? Did Angel really just say “staaaahp”?? [As in “stop” but the 2010 internet way of saying it.]

Did she just say “LOL” out loud??

301 – this feels like when you’re in the car with a friend while they’re having an argument with their parents…

This all feels so pointless. The whole first series was about building a better world, and things somehow only got worse.

306 – wow it really doesn’t take much to set Hawk off

307 – you know what, Max is right

The fact that it’s been 10+ years and the flock still has to save the world is really dissatisfying. [It’s passed off as a “it’s what we do” sort of thing, but that shouldn’t be their fucking lifelong job.]

315 – Breaking news: Hawk is introduced to the concept of daddy issues

320 – wait when did Ridley get here??

323 – why are there so many mentions of wearing ponchos to hide their wings? [There have to be better ways]

333 – this was the only major spoiler I got but even though I had warning I’m still mad about it

355 – “Could that could be sky?” has to be the worst mistype I’ve seen in here

365 – Okay this is super uncomfortable

370 – “200 km per hour” I don’t know the metric system but I’m guessing that’s not accurate [it’s 125-ish mph so… I don’t know enough about flying speeds for this, okay, that’s the author’s job]

375 – How would Hawk know what a geocache is?

378 – so she’s just leaving him to die?

381 – okay, zero foreshadowing on that one

396 – so Pietro lived

397 – so actually everyone lived except for Clete :/

399 – “More Epilogue”??

Finished: 7/7/20

I… have no idea what to say about this one. It was a lot. Some parts were decent, others were boring, and it didn’t really feel like a “new generation” book, just an excuse to show the old flock as adults.

I was pleasantly surprised with Nudge’s characterization, and I really liked the “drop the Phoenix” scene, but that’s pretty much all I liked.

[Additional note: the book had no plot. Zero. Like… there was an attempt, but it didn’t really come together.]

#they speak #maximum ride hawk #hawk spoilers #long post #very long post #annotations #i thought i was done with those god dammit

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elliebartlets · 4 years

Text

6.15 Freedonia

Episode:

• oh this is when Santos goes to that studio and does that live TV ad

• they’re only letting Hoynes and Russell debate?? lmao that’s not good for Santos or Russell cause he’ll look like a dumbass next to Hoynes

• I remember Santos and Russell going to the newspaper guy and demanding they be in the debate and then Santos brings up the format or something and Russell’s like 😐😑

• “Do we want the seven dwarfs to be able to take direct shots at me?”

“You realize you’re one of the dwarves. There are only seven candidates.”

Wow Russell is dumb.

• Santos just put Russell on the spot.

• doesn’t Santos just start his own debate?

• yep he does

• I’m confused on the Will/Donna thing. When he first asked her “do you wanna have dinner later?” she thought he was hinting at something but I don’t think he was. But then he stares at her while she’s talking to someone else and then asks her again, he’s either confirming her answer or is asking her on a date....

• oh yeah the chicken suits

• Amy?!

• also I love Bradley Whitford’s expression when he’s looking at her

• “I embrace the cold.”

“Okay.”

• oh yeah Amy was writing the same stuff for Hoynes and Santos. But I don’t understand cause didn’t Amy not start working for Santos until she got there?

• oh yeah Donna yells at the chicken suit and it ends up on the news lol

• honestly how did she not see/hear all the news people??

• I mean I like Santos’s ad and all, it’s different and real and whatnot, but I didn’t think it was that great, or powerful or influential enough to gain all that noise or new support.

• oh I had this weird memory of someone tying someone else to a chair and Amy just did that to Josh. I’m thinking of a different episode tho.

• “Where have you been?”

“I got tied up” ha I see what you did there Josh

• Donna asked Will if he wanted to grab dinner but she asked it so quietly I thought something was wrong with my audio

• lol Hoynes isn’t even on the debate stage. It’s some random dude

Podcast:

• guest star: Eli Attie

• Eli got the idea for the episode title from a 90s magazine called Spy Magazine. One time they called congressional offices and asked “What’s the congressmen’s position on the situation in Freedonia?” Almost no one got the reference and would say I'll have to call you back” or, “I'll have to talk to a policy person”.

• The joke russel keeps telling about the seal of the President (“If you close your left eye and squint really hard and tilt your head just so it reads a lot like President of the United States) was something Al Gore used to say.

• The politics and eggs forum Russell is going to is a real thing. They give out wooden eggs and people sign them

• the wooden egg thing is a real event

• Eli and Mary Louise Parker are friends in real life, although they weren’t friends during the shows run. She officiated his wedding ceremony.

• MLP ate a lot of ice cream during the takes of the scene. After Eli asked her if she was okay, she said she felt a little bit sick. He said maybe she should take smaller bites and she replied “No that’s not what Amy would do.”

• That scene is her dads favorite scene and he quotes it a lot.

• After filming the scene, her and Bradley Whitford went and got a steak because they felt they needed something dripping with blood.

• Eli thought about making a mole in the Santos campaign, which is why Santos and Hoynes have the same answer, but the idea fell through.

• Eli was trying to start a flirtation between Donna and Will?! ahhh aldjsjsb no ooo

“I thought maybe that was something that would kind of evolve from there potentially. They’re working closely together, Donna – he's treating her like an adult, as Josh Lyman never did. And two things: one is, watching it, it didn't feel like you guys played the romance of it particularly, and then no one really picked up on it on the writing staff. So it was just I think two episodes later Josh Malina and Mary McCormack’s character were flirting and that became more of a thing. So this was just me planting a seed that never blossomed.”

Josh sensed their was a seed, but approached it like Will just wanted to have dinner.

• It wasn’t until he talked to Ned that Santos figures out what he was going to do with the ad. Josh had to leave after their argument and Ned had to enter to have a conversation with Santos, someone who he has a personal history with.

• When Jimmy Smits was cast, the expectation was that he would succeed Bartlet if the show continued. Then after Alan Alda was cast, John Wells said to the writers “What if we opened this thing up? And what if we don't presume that it's going to be one candidate or another, but we just see where the story takes us? And we’ll be in as much suspense as everybody else.”

It was reported and written in some places that there was a period where Vinick going to win for sure, but Eli doesn’t remember it like that. In his memory, it was going to be Santos, then they opened it up. They were still debating and arguing who it would be up until the last second.

• On Donna voicing her opinion to Russell about the attack ads:

“I think I was really interested in just this character moment of somebody who is used to just taking phone calls and getting coffee realizing she that was in the room. And could say something and could voice an opinion.”

#the west wing #freedonia #the west wing weekly #tww #tww weekly #rewatching tww

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