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inghrafn · 10 months

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When I described the following events on a forum devoted to true-life close calls, some stern soul opined that my tale couldn't possibly be true. But it is.

In my early/mid-twenties, I lived in a rented room in an urban-sprawl zone with decent public transit. I took the bus to work six days a week, the seventh into town to bum around.

One day, a young man sat across the bus aisle drawing in a sketchbook. As an artist myself, I thought his work was really good and said so. We struck up a friendly conversation about art on the ride into town. He said he'd come from another state to attend the nearby art college. For my part, I'd moved there only recently and immediately started working 50-hour weeks; as a result I hadn't really had time to make friends. He seemed really pleased to hear this. I didn't really question it at the time; I just thought we were equally at sea in a strange place.

In town, we walked and talked our way through my errands. Everything seemed fine until we stopped into the record store. They had only one copy left of a new tape I wanted. To my surprise, he grabbed it out of my hand, announcing, I'll buy it for you!

No, I'll buy it for myself, I told him, but he refused to hand it over and actually bolted to the cashwrap with it as if this was a game of tag. Afterward he presented the tape to me with a flourish: For you!

I felt deeply uneasy about this gesture. At that time I was solitary by choice and wasn't looking for romance. Conversation was strained on the bus ride back. When he jumped off at my bus stop instead of staying onboard to continue on to campus, things got really uncomfortable. He said he couldn't let me walk home by myself. WTF? I used to live in the city and knew how to take care of myself. When we reached my house, the conversation went like this:

Me: Well, it was nice to meet you. Goodbye.

Him: Invite me in.

Me: What?... No, man, we just met.

Him: (still smiling, but more commanding) Invite me in.

Me: No. I hardly even know you.

Him: Sure you do! We spent all day together!

Me: One day's not enough for you to just... walk into my house.

Him: But I bought you that tape.

I held firm, but the exchange left me uneasy with the thought that he now knew where I lived. However, this became a moot point when I moved to another neighborhood on the opposite end of the bus route.

Still, he knew where I worked and began to drop in for short, impromptu visits. With a sales counter between us, I felt safer, and things seemed to return to normal. We could still talk about art, but I carefully avoided personal subjects.

One day he came in extremely excited. Inspired by group activities at school, he'd decided that we should partner up for an art project! A friend of his had written a script and wanted to turn it into a graphic novel; all he needed were artists. We could use the common space at the college to work on our collaboration. He had it all planned out, but I needed to think about it. I suggested we convene at a local coffee shop sometime later that week and gave him my phone number.

Soon afterward he called me in what I can only described as a heightened, almost manic state. His friend wanted to meet me that night. They would pick me up that evening in his friend's car. I needed to give him my address right away.

Me: But you're both here in town. I can just meet you for coffee.

Him: No, no, no, we have to go to my friend's house.

Me: Well, where does he live?

Him: (suddenly cagey) I don't know.

Me: You don't know?! He's your friend; you must know where he lives. Ballpark it.

Him: (vague) A few towns over. Forty-five minutes or so.

Me: But it's already really late, and I have to work in the morning. Your friend would have to drive me all the way back.

Him: (absolute, dead silence lasting just a few seconds too long)

At that moment, I felt suddenly, inexplicably, profoundly afraid. I understood without doubt that I must never get into any car with him and his friend, ever.

Me: (trying to sound casual): Look, it's late. It's been a long day, and honestly, I don't want to go back out. Why don't we plan to meet at the coffee shop later this week--

Him: (suddenly shouting into the receiver) NO! THIS HAS TO HAPPEN TONIGHT! YOU HAVE TO COME! YOU HAVE TO!

Me: No, I don't!

Him: YES, YOU FUCKING DO! YOU PROMISED!

Me: You can't talk to me that way. You know what? I don't want to do a project with you, now or ever. Don't call me again.

It's hard to pin down why or how, but the point in this conversation when he fell silent produced in me an ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that whatever plan he and his friend had for me, it did not involve me returning home. And I believe that if I had not listened to that sense of certainty, I would not be sitting here and typing this today.

So there's that.

#inghrafn says

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the-wales-5 · 1 year

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Sincere conversations

"Your childhood must have been idyllic in comparison to mine" Prince William sighed once he stopped telling his university friend Catherine one of the stories about his parents' fights over their affairs.

At that stage, the prince of Wales' son's friendship with 'Kate' was much more than helping one another with notes from the lectures. Evening conversations consisted of everything and nothing. Discussions with Catherine, though mostly funny ones, sometimes also involved hurtful memories that William never dared to reveal before, such as his own opinion about parents' divorce or trauma after viewing his mother's interview that aired in 1995.

Middleton did not reply to the last words her friend spoke to her. She clasped her hands together and stared at the pattern on the trousers she was wearing this evening. Although it was not her friend's intention to make Catherine feel uncomfortable she still seemed to feel that way.

"Kate.. Is there something you want to share?" William tried to carry on with the conversation after a few seconds.

"No.." she said quietly and took a sip of her tea, then said, "We should not be talking about that. I mean my childhood really was an idyllic one" she smiled and then stood up. "I'm going to bring us something to eat, okay?".

The prince nodded and stared Kate's way. He was quite surprised by her reaction, and it only became more intense later in the evening when he heard Catherine sobbing inside her room. He decided not to bring this up in their morning conversation because he did not want to make her feel uncomfortable once more.

"Catherine, were you crying last night?" was the question she's been trying to avoid all day and succeed, but did not succeed at something else. At hiding real feelings. During a break between one and another lecture, Middleton decided to leave the class and went to her room. She dialled her mother's number and waited until Carole received the call.

"Mum, may I go back home earlier than during the break next month? I--.. I truly need it, I think"

"What's the matter, Kate? You do not sound well"

"I am not feeling well, mummy.." were her last words before she began to sob.

In Carole Middleton's mind, the worst possible flashbacks started to appear. Memories of her daughter silently crying in her room or of hiding eczema signs under long-sleeved sweaters.

After getting "approval" for an early return home in the following days, Kate washed her face with cold water. Upon entering the room where lectures were held, she noticed that other students were already leaving. "Fuck" she cursed "I've been in my room longer than I thought".

"Catherine, are you okay?" were the words of her friend Olivia as soon as she noticed Kate's slightly washed-off makeup which was the result of her tears.

"Yes, I am fine. Could you please give me some notes from this lecture later?" she sent Olivia a reassuring smile before going outside the university building to breathe in the fresh air.

She did not notice that William was not only watching her, realising that her voice was different from its usual state but also noticed that she was drying her cheeks from tear marks. "She's been acting differently since yesterday evening" he murmured on the way to his room "But I shouldn't try to persuade her to talk about it if she doesn't want to".

In the evening, the student of art history was focusing on writing notes from the lecture she did not attend.

"Have you finished, Kate?" Olivia, whose borrowed notes Middleton was working on, asked rather impatiently "I am sorry but I do have to learn one thing or two from these this evening too".

"It is not quite ready yet," Catherine said as she pointed out at her almost-blank notebook pages, with just a few sentences written. Olivia sat down next to her, asking:

"Shall I help you? Not only with notes but--.."

"But what else?" Catherine startled and blinked once

"Well.. I'm sorry to put it that way, but you were not looking fine this afternoon before these lectures you skipped nor later when asking me for notes and…"

Middleton cut her friend off as with a little smile she responded "Yeah, I'm aware of that. Now if you'll excuse me, I want to have at least half of your notes rewritten.."

"Sure" Olivia nodded "There's no rush, take your time" .

Catherine closed the door and a sigh of frustration escaped her lips. She was not feeling angry towards Olivia but because someone noticed a change in her behaviour. She didn't know that her female friend was not the only one who made that observation.

***

Two days later, during breakfast time when everyone else was eating, William was sitting outside St. Salvador Hall and wondering if he should have asked Catherine for the reason for her 'weird' behaviour which, by now, every one of her closest friends could notice.

"Why did you bring it?" Fergus, Middleton's close friend, was confused after seeing her luggage while they all were waiting in the corridor for their classes to begin.

"Well.. I am coming back home for the weekend right after these classes finish so I thought that it would be rather practical to bring it here and then leave straight away, without coming back to my room and--.."

The professor who was responsible for hosting those classes interrupted by saying in a rather arrogant way: "It is not as practical as you think, Miss Catherine Middleton. Just imagine if all of our students wanted to do the same thing as you by the end of the week. Our rooms built for teaching would be full of rucksacks, jackets and suitcases" .

"I am sorry, Mrs. Howard" Catherine blinked, feeling again like a scolded child. All of a sudden she heard a familiar voice that startled her and yet comforted her for some unknown reason.

"Kate? Are you leaving today?"

"Yes, I am.." she murmured "I am so stupid though.. Mrs. Howard, I will take this luggage back to my room"

"I'd appreciate it, thank you" her professor replied before letting the rest of the waiting students into the room. "William Wales, aren't you coming?"

"In a moment, Mrs. Howard" the prince said and followed Catherine who was on the way back to her room. He still felt hesitant to ask, but the fact she wanted to leave Scotland without clear explanations worried him so much.

"Kate, tell me what is going on"

"Nothing that would interest you" Catherine replied rudely, hoping that will scare him away

"I am afraid you are wrong. And please, do not tell me this thing has something to do with an illness of your relative or a dog because you've started to act this way the moment I mentioned "an idyllic childhood" in our conversation a few days ago".

Catherine sighed deeply, sitting down on the sofa. "Things aren't necessarily how they seem, you see…"

William who was now sitting next to his friend was staring at her for a few seconds until she felt uncomfortable "Stop it, please unless you don't want to hear what I mean" .

"I am sorry" William said and turned his head away, looking at his friend's bags.

"One word is the perfect explanation: bullying" Middleton sighed and closed her eyes "I have been bullied at my boarding school 'Downe House' when I was 14 years old. The other girls, they were, ugh.." She had to control her tears. "They were very mean at times. In the beginning, I wanted to make friends with them but I never stood a chance and they proved it, cruelly…"

"What did they do to you?" William asked and unknowingly for himself and Catherine, put his hand on her knee to reassure her.

"At this very moment, I do not remember any of the names they called me, although there were many. I have simply forgotten it in the first stage that people call denial and memories never resurfaced. If only all of them could never resurface.." She murmured and chuckled. "Unfortunately I remember the majority of other things. Such as laughing whenever I walked past them in the canteen, taking away my books and even… Even putting excrement, shit in my bed in the evening" .

"Oh my gosh.. Catherine.." William whispered

"They made me feel terribly insecure and sick. The first signs of eczema appeared a month after I started studying at Downe House. You may wonder why I was so startled today when professor Howard came to me and--.."

"I've heard what she's said"

"I got so many flashbacks into my head of Downe House teachers doubting me. Not even flashbacks, that's a bad wording, rather my own imaginings of being doubted in case I've ever told someone about it all.."

"You mean to tell me you were silent all the time? Why, though?"

"I was simply scared of the consequences but at last I decided to tell my parents and they decided to change school to "Marlborough College". That's where I could begin everything again. I finally believed in myself.."

"And with our conversation, I brought up your horrifying, traumatic memories.." William sighed "I am so sorry, Kate. If I only knew what you went through I'd never say something like this, I swear"

"It is not your fault. I mean I am persuading you to talk about your traumatic memories all the time so perhaps it was just my turn to speak up on mine with you as a listener, William Wales" . Catherine smiled a little and then wiped her tears "That's embarrassing" she murmured.

"Nothing is embarrassing when it comes to feelings. These are your own words, Kate" .

"Exactly. I am trying to get a degree in psychology and can't precisely talk about my own feelings"

"You just proved that you can, Miss Middleton" William smiled at her "You've told me everything you wanted to share for now"

"A real therapy session" Catherine giggled a little but then she looked into her friend's eyes, asking "For now? What do you mean by that, William?"

"Just that we're going to have many other sincere conversations, Miss Middleton" .

A few seconds of silence filled the room and Kate then changed the topic "Are we going back to the class with Mrs. Howard? We should not skip it, you know"

"You should skip it today. Go back home now, I will justify your absence somehow, okay?"

"Really?"

"Did I ever lie to you?"

Catherine laughed in response. When William handed back her bag and luggage, their hands brushed against one another.

"Thank you" she quietly said and weakly smiled.

"Take care, Middleton," William replied and stared at her as she was leaving the room. Once she closed the door, he sighed in relief. He was happy to see her in better condition and rather confident that his words to her about many of their conversations in the future will be true.

He didn't know but Catherine, on her long way home, was wondering about the actual meaning of those words.

< The end >

#royal fanfiction #sincere conversations #st andrews university themed stories #st andrews #kate x william #catherine middleton #prince william #prince and princess of wales #text post #tags

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laceratedlamiaceae · 2 years

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Dubcon is there for the cases where it's like, the scenario doesn't leave space for 100% explicit consent (like fuck or die but also the kind of fic where all the characters want it but aren't sure of the other's motivations or that they're all on the same page relationship-wise etc etc), it doesn't line up 1-to-1 with real life consent bc it's fiction and you can push it further without making the reader feel they're in noncon territory, since you're in the characters' heads. For some people it should line up or it's fucked up, for others it's more about if it hits the spot kink-wise or falls flat, or they've got different expectations based on story genre or canon context. What constitutes dubcon or noncon or "fully consensual doesn't need a tag" and where the lines are is A Fandom Debate that has been going on for decades and changes with cultural/fandom context and time too. I've heard this is why ao3 doesn't have dubcon as a warning, there was no consensus there, but the rape warning is generally more clear when it applies (bc 99% of the time it's written like that on purpose) and if the author isn't sure they can use the "chose not to use archive warnings" tag.

Im also getting annoyed at the amount of Izzy fic that doesn't tag dubcon or noncon but like. Clearly this is the entire point of the fic once you read it. Like the consent issues and Izzy being deeply uncomfortable or distressed or feeling like he can't say no safely are important factors in here and this is treated as aah but it's fine bc he's Izzy like (????) That's A Kink, author. That's a ducon kink you've got there. Sometimes straight up a rape kink. Please for the love of fuck own it, so I can filter it in or out depending on my mood. It's not even a content warning tag of the "may contain traces of peanuts" variety at that point! It's peanut butter! It's what this fic Is About!

It's also getting increasingly harder for me to trust trans Izzy fic by authors I don't know, bc so many of them feel less like this guy is trans and more like "Nagging ex-wife needs to be Taught a Lesson is my shit, but I can't be like that to a female character, that's illegal. So Im going to use this guy instead and change the pronouns" or like, I also don't want to read about sexual violence against a trans guy! I get that this is a kink trans men may have, just like how women have rape fantasies, but I don't have it and I would like to be able to filter it out. Sometimes it's a matter of writing skill, sometimes it's a matter of this getting mixed in with the general trouble people seem to have giving poor kinky sub Izzy the right to consent to things, like being a sub makes him less a person (which happens in other fandoms but I haven't seen it get this prevalent before)

(in reference to this post)

Thank you! I wasn't aware that this has been the subject of fandom debate, but that makes sense. It would be nice if more people at least just went with "chose not to use archive warnings," but I guess that would require them to think about whether there's consent in their fic to begin with.

And yes, it's baffling to me how people don't get that their works contain rape when that's the entire point of them. There was some art going around recently about an AU where Izzy was a pirate hunter and he was blindfolded, expecting to be having sex with Stede (and IIRC it was implied that that wouldn't have been fully consensual either), but then it was revealed to be Ed who removed the blindfold and used it to gag Izzy. Literally the entire point of it was that Izzy was uncomfortable, and obviously there was no way it could have been consensual, but the artist didn't tag it for rape and neither did anyone I follow who reblogged it; I actually convinced myself that I was being overly sensitive and misinterpreting it but now I'm not so sure.

I've been lucky enough to avoid anything too awful in trans Izzy fics, but I have seen a decent number of posts that seem to be taking the "Izzy is wife-coded/woman-coded" idea (which I don't have anything against, to be clear) and taking it all the way to "Izzy is literally a woman, except I don't want to genderswap him so I'll just make him trans" as if that isn't super transphobic, so I'm not surprised that awful stuff like that ends up in fics.

The stuff with people headcanoning him as a sub (because it is just a headcanon, despite any textual evidence for it) and using that to justify awful things happening to him is so infuriating for me! I've seen a lot of fics tagged for "dom/sub undertones," whatever that means, with no other warnings, and it's just Izzy being raped except it's okay because he's a sub and therefore he must be okay with anything anyone does to him. It reminds me of people using the masochist Izzy headcanon in similar ways (see this post).

#asks #our flag means death #ofmd #izzy hands #tw rape

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bookwyrminspiration · 1 year

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oh man, i didn't even think of the younger fans joining in.

stay safe out there kids, and remember to block very liberally and filter tags! (also, make sure to filter when looking for fanfic, too!)

this has been a psa by the weird dude who just drops by in the fandom occasionally to grumble, say the weirdest thing he can, and then leave for a few months to a year again.

also, if you don't mind me asking, what was the IG situation?

Exactly! Block tags and filter with abandon, you don't need to reach a certain threshold to do so and it's not a last resort. Sometimes my mutuals will get a new interest and I get sick of seeing show gifs on my dash and so I block it! Nothing special. Stay safe and curate your experience!

As for the IG situation, for those of you new or unaware I'm about to learn you some keepblr history right here. And emphasize why it's important to communicate with people directly and why you should block tags you don't like. (sizable explanation ahead)

A few months ago the infamous post about how the Neverseen uniform under the cloak is never described--and therefore they could be wearing hot pink leotards and stripper heels, with tutus for the minors--reached a note milestone (500), so in celebration we brought it back and there was an influx of art of Fintan in said uniform. S has a bunch collected here.

Someone on tumblr then went to an anonymous IG keeper confessions account (which has since been deleted) and submitted a confession talking about how the tumblr fandom was strange, making stripper Fintan art, and how it was making them uncomfortable. This was the first any of us had heard of it, as they hadn't said anything to us to try and work it out. (I don't hold it against them for being uncomfortable, but I don't think this is the way to deal with it)

If you know anything about confession accounts, you can imagine what broke out, which was made worse by an already existing rivalry/bias against the IG fandom. The IG fandom with no context reacted like the tumblr fandom was weird and disgusting for our joke, and the tumblr fandom handled it...unhelpfully? Listen, I love being here but full honesty I think the majority of the response made the situation worse and it was incredibly frustrating to watch. The tumblr fandom made the IG fandom into part of the joke, about how it was all allocishet white people who love heterosexuality and just couldn't handle tumblr. It became a joke to come up with what would kill a keepstagrammer (not actual killing, but kill in the sense of sprite killing Prince Phillip), like a particular queer ship or headcanon.

The IG fandom, understandably, did not like this and found it insulting. Which only worsened how they thought of and spoke of the tumblr fandom. They said there were many poc on IG, that the point is that keeper is a children's series and it's gross to make nsfw jokes--and again, this is all through a confessions account. There are a few accounts that if you look through their archive, you can find screenshots.

Since it was all through confessions and no one was actually talking to each other, making it all worse because we're literally on separate social medias and each side was only getting what someone chose to share (e.g., only certain screenshots, only certain links to tumblr posts), I reached out and spoke to the most outspoken person on IG (she had been commenting on everything and posting about it herself). We had a conversation where we respectfully explained our positions and cleared some confusion (like how tumblr works, how you can block tags to avoid content you don't like, how old the tumblr fandom is, how old you have to be to join, etc.) That resulted in this post of mine where I explained the other side alongside our own, as I didn't think anyone else had done so. Their position boiled down to kids (young teens) can find this and it can make them uncomfortable, so they wanted to depend them, and they'd had recent discourse tumblr was unaware of that made them react stronger. The person on IG also made a story post talking about it.

Afterwards, there were some more serious posts about the issue on our side, sympathetic to people uncomfortable while still affirming that it's not our responsibility to curate others online experience.

Things were calm for a day or two, but then because of the way confession accounts work, confessions from before the other person and I had spoken were posted, and that delay ignited things again. So then rinse and repeat, but less intensely. I reached out and spoke to people again (I talk about me reaching out because I don't know who, if anyone, else did). More clarification posts were made, I offered my tumblr as a direct contact for IG people who wanted to talk.

Things started to calm again, but there wasn't really a final conclusion or resolution, as the confessions account hosting all this was deleted before that could happen. I'm not sure why, as I spoke directly with that person prior and she said she wanted to continue giving people a space to talk, even if it was overwhelming. But that's where we're at.

This was back in August, and it hasn't been brought up since. But it wasn't fun for anyone involved and was deeply distressing, which is why I emphasize to talk to us if you have an issue with something. We want to help! We want you to enjoy being here and online! We will do what we can, but that will only work if you do your part, too. That means unfollow or block people posting stuff you don't like, block tags for content you don't want to see. Discourse incidents like this can be avoided.

But that was the IG incident, so now you know! I'm sure you can find a lot more, but this is the gist of how it played out--at least from my perspective. This is how I saw and experienced it, but I'm one person. But if anyone has further questions or wants to know anything, I can do my best to explain!

#(this is all from my pov! i have biases! be aware of that!)#kotlc #kotlc discourse #quil's queries #commonghost #there's some details I'm not hitting but you know. that was the incident #not fun #well. i know some people had fun making fun of the IG fandom. but I did not find it fun #i knew a couple people who were tempted to just leave because the discourse was so stressful to them #i'm well aware I'm not responsible for this fandom or better than anyone else. but in the moment I wanted to shake some sense #into a handful of people who were. not making the situation better

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naaicha · 1 year

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media criticism on tumblr is bad in such a specific way… it’s like teenage level comprehension which tracks but also i hate to encourage it because there’s this basic assumption that there’s some kind of checklist of Bad Things that any given work must avoid and if they do, the work must be summarily boycotted and deleted from human memory. not that we shouldn’t call out and condemn outright toxic and harmful media, but that kind of absolute thinking runs completely opposite good media criticism. in order to be a thoughtful active consumer of media, you should be able to engage with things that are based on problematic assumptions or perhaps accidentally traffic in harmful ideas because you should be able to recognize those things! studying any kind of media whether that’s literature or film or whatever requires you to study things that you may not like or agree with because you have to learn how these things work in order to push back. and idk i wish i had a better understanding of that when i was younger

also just. you should have complicated feelings about art sometimes. people will read something like lolita and go well this is a morally bad person and that’s my entire takeaway from the novel. or they’ll watch succession and go, these are all disgusting reprehensible people and it’s morally wrong for the show to make me feel any empathy for them. which i find so annoying because that discomfort should be a jumping off point. whether or not it’s intentional, there’s value in art even when it shows you something you dislike in yourself or the world. and the whole reason i like media criticism is because a lot of it is about taking the things that make you uncomfortable or confused or angry and having a conversation with them. obviously you don’t have to engage if you don’t want to, but i think it can actually be really rewarding and imo it’s a requirement if you’re serious about any kind of media studies or criticism

#this is me talking to myself with no editor. yeah #if it doesn’t make sense… WHO CARES

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septembersghost · 1 year

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I didn't mean you at ALL btw. Your discussions always seemed logical to me considering you have only found connections between the songs and linking it with what SHE CONFIRMED. I also don't mind talking about her/joe considering she herself wrote about it. But I feel like there is a line in my own brain which I don't like crossing(idk how to explain it but certain topics come and I'm like no honey dont go there)(again I never got it from you). For example I don't mind talking about how Taylor

Had fling with TH and circumstances for it because she revealed it. Or looking back at 1989 gifs knowing about her ED. But back then if someone said she had ED I would have been highly uncomfortable since we would have been making assumptions about her personal life. But her unconfirmed flings ( esp AS because they both DENIED IT or zac efron thing AGAIN BECAUSE OF DENIAL). You are right again. It speaks about the celebrity culture more than anything at this point

i didn't think you did! but thank you <3

since you mention this, i do have to admit i firmly believed she had an ED back then and was increasingly worried about her, and it got to the point where seeing her was so triggering for me that i avoided photographs of her altogether at that time, but it's only because i recognized things i'd already seen and experienced in myself, and i wasn't sure i was right, i was just concerned. if i hadn't had the firsthand experience, it likely would've not felt quite that acute to me. that said, i also didn't discuss it publicly, like i didn't say i thought CH was terrible, or didn't mention her in 2016 when i thought it was evident she was struggling pretty badly. the only person who heard me express any of this at the times it was happening was my mom (and i hate that i was right, especially in regards to her ED, because i wouldn't wish that on anyone, and i'm so proud of how far she's come and her ability to mention it and continue with her recovery). i do think sometimes we see reflections of things we understand in others, but we should still be cautious when talking about it on a public forum out of deference to them as humans.

thinking she's hooked up with people who have flat-out denied it or have only been mentioned as rumor is simply disconcerting/disrespectful to me and feels like leaning into the slut shaming culture even if it's not intended that way. but things she's written about and described in detail herself are public record, they're essential and a part of her art, so we can decide how to approach that and how to respectfully discuss it and its meaning.

I feel like there is a line in my own brain which I don't like crossing no same, and that's probably different for everyone and that's fine! we have to recognize what our own boundaries are and what we see as okay to approach. being interested/curious about artists and their experiences itself is never a negative thing! it's very human and universal, audiences have been captivated by the people who create things for centuries, it's all in how we engage and how we talk about and treat them. the moment it becomes cruel or dehumanizing is the moment i'm not interested in seeing it. but recognizing their struggles/joys and their inspirations and their complexities is an extension of empathy.

#secret confessions from me things got so bad with the mix of people virulently hating on her all the time #and my inability to look at her without serious concern #that i had her blacklisted almost the entirety of 1989 era #hence not only disconnect but simply missing a lot of stuff. i did not see it i did not engage #another thing i was just talking to a friend about too #i do not understand the impulse to leave mean comments tearing down people's work in their replies!#idc if you don't like a show or a song or whatever #how we respond to art is subjective #but you don't need to make that someone else's problem! especially when they've created it!!!#and i know i don't need to put this disclaimer here but obviously it's different if we're talking about actual crimes/abuse/prejudices #what i mean is if you think something is a “flop” that's whatever #but you don't need to harass musicians or actors about it? how is this hard?#ugh we are so damaged by the tabloid press and by this idea that cynicism and mockery is superior idk.#anonymous #letterbox #thrown out speeches

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freakish-hazzard · 2 years

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i see some people with “antiproshipper” in their bio thing, and i’m just like,,,, if they arent causing issues i really just dont care.

while i vaguely understand the viewpoint of being antiproshipper, my issue comes with the fact that some people may use shipping as a form of coping with trauma, and sometimes it may be a ship that is potentially problematic because they may have a similar trauma.

i understand the point of being antiproshipper when it comes to irl ships, especially minor involved ones, thats kinda nasty omg. but when it comes to fictional ships, it gets weird and foggy. if something makes YOU uncomfortable, do what you need to do to avoid it, however just know that sometimes putting dni’s in your blog can sometimes make you seem like you dont want to face reality imo, but again i dont blame you for doing so, especially if you feel at risk. its a complex situation, i think minors are completely fine using some dni’s, especially ones like “no 18+”, or things they may be traumatized by, but other things like “antiproshipper” make me confused. i’m actually gonna go out on a limb here and say that can be kinda harmful for your psyche if you are constantly avoiding things that make you stresses, take this from a person who is currently struggling with avoidance, its not fun. sometimes there are things we can’t avoid, and sometimes we need to learn from these things, even if they are “bad” in nature. actually instead of saying you’re antiproshipper, maybe you should try and actually put some effort into trying to actually making an impact? and i dont mean throwing insults and death threats at people, thats actually stupid and counter productive, i mean maybe trying to make a list of HARMFUL proshippers who actively prey on people and not just make art sometimes of a ship they like. or! even better! do something more important? ngl i see why some people may think its a huge big thing, especially minors, my gosh yeah i understand why minors would be antiproshipper so its just like.... just dont harass people for being proshipper. i think if you find a proshipper, instead of thinking they are a bad person, challenge that thought. why are they shipping these two characters? what situation is this person in? do they deserve harassment? is this shipper hurting anyone? and just generally put yourself in their shoes.

also the whole antishipper thing is just? why? please dont harass people you dont agree with that makes people not wanna talk to you? like come on is basic kindness that hard to do?

#ugh #i dont really know #this whole thing is just so confusing #and aggrovating..#:/#i think people sometimes forget that its ok to ask questions abt people #or maybe #wait #no i think some people are just vocal and stupid #maybe #idk

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m-to-z-andbackto-m · 3 months

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About Me! (MasterPost???)

Hi! I'm MZM I a lil' silly sometimes-

MZM are my irl initials used as an online name, but I genuinely think of myself as "MZM" sometimes!

You can also just say M! (But if saying the letters feel weird, type it as Em, one friend actually felt that way lol) Nicknames should be a-okay unless I voice discomfort!

(The nickname "MZ" is a little personal, I'd prefer if you don't use it, "Zizi"/"ZeeZee" is for close friends, respect that too :D)

🖤🩶🩷🤍🩷🩶🖤

Demi-Girl: She/Her/They/Them

🖤🩶🩷🤍🩷🩶🖤

💙🩵🤍💛🧡

AroAce Spectrum 🫶

🧡💛🤍🩵💙

March 28th 2007 - 17 Years Young c:

DO NOT SUPPORT/AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH/PLEASE AVOID:

Racism, sexism (misogyny AND misandry), homophobia, transphobia, aphobia, faithism of any kind, ableism, you know what, prejudice/discrimination in general, keep that to yourself and move along buddy.

Offensive and disgusting "jokes", look, I like dark humor as much as the next person but there is a line and I guarantee you have made someone uncomfortable and they just didn't say anything, set boundaries with your friends, people, or just don't make certain jokes.

Proshipping (As in shipping that's incest, pedophilia, non consensual, etc...), I'm a (somewhat) sane multishipper and I will not cross that line. Fiction Or Not.

Realistic Gore, Children/Babies Screaming/Crying, Disturbing Things In General (I Get Paranoid)

Art Trades And Requests Closed!!!

Commissions will open as soon as I make a reference sheet and figure out payment methods :/

Interests/Hobbies/Things I Do: Art/Drawing, Animation, Cooking/Baking, Sewing, Learning To Use Watercolors

Fandoms I'm Familiar With: UTAU/UTMV (UnderTale AUs/Multiverses) 🫶, TMNT (A little 1987, mostly 2003 and 2012, some 2007, 2014/16, and 2018), VenomVerse, Spiderman (Mostly the animated content but I'm catching up on the Marvel movies to prepare for Venom 3 💪), FNAF, The Owl House, Amphibia, Steven Universe, Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, etc... because we'll be here all day if I go on- 😭

(Remember, love the content/concept, don't mind controversial creators)

I Dabble: Voice Acting, Music (As In Singing), Literature

Extra activities I have done/tried but don't/can't do regularly: Roller And Ice Skating, Ceramics, Embroidery, Have an unfinished plushie head in the basement, probably some other stuff

Don't be rude, literally, just scroll past what you don't like, keep interacting and you'll get more of it, then you're a masochist at that point

A Little More About Me: Sometimes I feel extra childish, bare with me, I'll understand if you need some space, I can be overstimulating sometimes

Some More Stuff I Like: My Friends <3 (Duh), Animals, Mythology (+ Creatures), 80's/90's shows I watched for some reason instead of normal cartoons 😭, Cartoons In General (including a few unpopular ones) 💕, Cultures (Religion included but I'd rather not talk about it), LOTTA QUEER STUFF 😊

~Other Socials (In Order Of Activity + Links If You Click Name)~

Discord (Maybe I should make a server at some point...)

Tumblr - You're Here! :D

YouTube - ꧁Lazy MZM꧂

Quotev - しᎯⲍႸ ⲘⲌⲘ

I was gonna put Amino but I rarely use that mf-

And others I either forgot about or don't use

Just to be clear, sometimes, or, well, a lot of the time, I think randomly and process things differently/weirdly, please be patient with me and tell me if I need to reword something 😭

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nagy-bari · 3 months

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. cause i need to ramble to the void

dungeon meshi's eating literal and methaphorical part keeps me up.

cause i have a pretty usual but not-the-best-relationship with eating.

i know i shouldn't eat too much, and i'm picky and lazy to cook.

i've seen my brother so impatient and in a bad mood he couldn't wait for the micro to fully warm the food and ate with a haste that was uncomfortable to watch. as if he was starving. as if he would eat anything. i cannot remember if he was back from the street where he ran to whenever he had an 'episode' (not even sure what to call a schizo-affective spiral, cause i'm not even sure what he was diagnosed with)

i'm usually a little hungry all the time. i eat increadably slow whenever i have to sit next to a table and eat normally. i try to avoid that, so i hunch up in my dorm room and eat while watching someting so i don't have to pay attention to eating.

i speak while i eat with others so i'm even more slower. i can be extremely anxious when eating around others, it's just strange to me, especially if a bite is too large. i know my teeth are yellow and crooked, i know i eat loud and i know there are people who are annoyed by chewing (me), crunchy (me) or slurping noises (all of these annoy me on bad days).

and there's the part with preparing food to myself. i fear i'll be just as feral as i've seen my brother cause i have no patience to cook. i have to be distracted to do it.

i fear it'll taste bland or raw or simply bad. strange and uncomfortable. i have this rule that whatever i create in the kitchen i'll eat it. but i cannot share it with others if it tastes off.

so i'll just stick with the saddest pasta with cheese or white bread with butter and a little sprinkle of salt for days. and coffee.

i know it's bad. i buy all kind of veggies (on sale cause the prices are horrendous) and then i watch them almost rot away in the fridge. i try to figure out what to cook but then i don't find the "right" time to do it. so i cook at midnight and feel slightly off for eating so late.

i know i should cut back on snacks and chocolate but i need the energy to start working on my projects (the obligatories and the optionals) so i justify it. it makes my teeth hollow. they cracked last year.

reading dungeon meshi did not fix my relation to cooking. i see the meme's i chuckle and decide to munch on the same bread again. i feel horrible if i spend too much on food. but this is how things are now.

i feel stupid for eating alone. but i feel awkward when cooking next to people. i feel fake when they see me cook once a month the same old random dish i prepare from the same old always on sale ingredients.

i try to recreate some of my mum's dishes. once a year or on a celebratory day. name-days, birthdays, aniverseries.

there's a saying: who doesn't work, shouldn't eat. sadly it's the basis of my brain. and i know when i slack back on my duties. and it's everyday. cause i never reach the optimal productivity. and if i do it's not the mandatory duty i should have worked on. it's always a little theft for a personal project and i feel guilty. so i don't cook anything tasteful.

sometimes i joke around with 'fasting for me would take the form of eating normally and healthily' but it is true.

i just wish once i could experience the beauty of a piece of art (be it a story, a game, a movie, a song) helping me change for the better.

but i'm way to passive for that. and that's the point. i can change. i should. i don't want to. i wish to. i need to. but. no matter how nice and sage Senshi and the story is. it won't cook for me. and as a spoiled brat that is what i want. but it's over. those times are over. i have to cook for myself. and when you grew up with others cooking only for yourself will always feel selfish.

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jett-does-art-stuff · 8 months

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HELLO >:3

My discord server (still under construction and adding people.):

THIS SHOULD BE UNABLE TO EXPIRE, BUT IF IT DOES PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

(I cover multiple things in this, the sections are color coded.) Sections:

Art rules!

Messages!

Things you recommend!

This is a safe space!

My "Main" (my main blog that I use as a secondary- this is my main, I post here!!!!)!

My name that gets used the most is Jett, but I have a collection :3 (Jett, Rowley, Alex, and Wolf.) I'd prefer there be variety, so if you'd like then feel free to call me whatever you want out of the list.

I do art. Literally that's it lol. I have a set of rules when it comes to this.

-Don't ask me to do gore or NSFW of real people.

-I don't do straight up NSFW. I'll do characters in less clothing than normal, but that is as far as I'll go.

-If you want me to draw someone, please don't do it without their permission. I like to post my art alongside the reference, and if I can't then it's a bit annoying for me. If it's someone who regularly posts their face, that's different. But if it's someone close to you, please provide some form of proof they permitted it. Or I can just send it to you.

-Do not claim or repost(not to be confused with reblogging!!!!) my art. It's gonna be difficult, because I typically prefer to put a big 'ol watermark on there but still don't.

-If you have me draw something and want to post it, please just reblog. If you don't, then please @ me. That SHOULD be it, if not or if you have a question please feel free to ask and I'll respond and put the answer in here.

Talking about stuff!!

I love to talk about things of all kinds, so please talk to me about stuffs!!!! Please, avoid spoiling things I show interest in! I'd like to talk through my ask box, as I don't check my inbox nearly as much. I do not have the app on my phone, I access through mobile website. Please be patient, as that means I might be slower to see my notifications.

Please be patient with me if I need something to be rephrased. I'm a teenager, and I sometimes struggle to read and convey my feelings and emotions. As of writing this, Sunday March 17 2024, I am going through something really rough for me and I am not in a good mental place, which may make me a bit more emotional to respond to things. I am very childish when it comes to how I behave and talk sometimes, and I might act in ways you might think of as weird or creepy. If I start to weird you out or make you uncomfortable, please do not hesitate to let me know.

I love having recommendations!! References, games, ideas, anything you think you could have me try out then go ahead and lemme know!! I like having multiple options and second points of view, so if you want to provide that to me please do!!!!

My blog is a safe place!!! I do not want people to feel unsafe or unsupported, so if you ever want to vent or get advice on things, you can always message or ask me things!! I will always give the answer that I think you should/need to hear! Obviously, if you don't want advice and just want someone to listen to you, you can always do that as well. Just a quick (I just need to be heard, don't advise me.) Is fine, and I won't try to help in ways you don't need. Obviously, if I think you need professional help I will inform you and provide options. I have friends who have gone through some rough stuff, and if something helps them then I'll research it and if I think it'll help you too, then I'll recommend it to you.

MY "PRIMARY" BLOG I USE STRICTLY FOR SUPPORTING OTHER CREATORS. THIS BLOG IS ONLY USED TO REBLOG THINGS. PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW OR INTERACT MUCH. THE BLOG YOU ARE ON NOW IS THE ONE I TALK ON AND POST ON.

#important stuff #read please #new account #new to tumblr #Refer to this before asking stuff

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wikifido · 11 months

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Chapter 1 (Karoleena)

Karoleena had cleared the table, sorting her mess of parts into two groups. One was arcane wiring-related items like wires, foci, and resistors; the other was more mechanical: gears, pistons, and rods. She had also gingerly replaced the Pick Spanners and their sockets in their ornate carrying case to avoid losing them.

Mwaxanare’s chef had brought their midday meal by; it was once again a pepper of some kind charred and stuffed with a mixture of meats, vegetables, and fruits heavily spiced to the degree that it caused both her and Duvanith’s faces to go flush red and their eyes to water. There was little doubt in Karoleena’s mind that this was a request of Mwaxanare to her cook, just a little something to make her stay here as uncomfortable as possible.

‘No matter the meal served, a Lady should endeavor to finish at least two-thirds of the plate.’ Madam Keentree, Court Governess

Karoleena couldn’t help but wonder if Duvanith had imparted their Governesses words to Mwaxanare, and she had decided to weaponize their deeply engrained etiquette.

“Karoleena?” Mwaxanare asks. Karoleena swallows her bite, does her best to clear the spice from her nose with a little cough, and then responds.

“Yes?”

“What can you tell me about the politics of Ilmerryite in the Empire? Duvanith has told me some, but I would appreciate your perspective.”

“Oh!” Karoleena places her utensil down, some excitement in her voice. She was pleased Mwaxanare asked her something that made her feel she could be helpful. Since arriving, she had continuously felt like a burden and a risk, something she hadn’t realized she had paid for passage to Choilit; she hadn’t known that there had been a bloody coup in Port Currington, that a Royal line was claiming dominion over it, or that her childhood friend had once again taken up work inside of a Royal Court, albeit a very different one. With the specter of that misunderstanding looming over her, any small feeling of being a help would certainly lift her spirits. “Well, before Lady Ashsnap made me a full-on political prisoner, I did catch that the price of it was driven up before the Curse had even ended. Noble families believed that an Adventuring Company or the Arbiters would put an end to the Curse and they could restore whatever or whoever they had lost.”

Karoleena lingers on that last sentiment, ‘Who’ they had lost. She had lost Edmerton, and even with access to Ilmerryite, she couldn’t get him back.

“I see. And would you say those buying and holding Ilmerryite began expending it once the Curse was over?”

“By that point, I was on my third time through Academy of Romance stunner `Clerical Error,’ but I would imagine so.”

Karoleena said sarcastically about the book; she watched Mwaxanare think about what she had said but changed the topic.

“Jet Landier and Tieren Rasgod are protagonists, correct? We have them through sometimes.”

“Jet Landier and Teflorna Rasgod I think.” Karoleena corrects, adding the ‘I think’ to be less confrontational. She had read the book multiple times and knew all the major beats. Jet Landier is a soft-spoken and talented cleric in service of Mastia, the Goddess of Arcane Magic, and he runs into and falls in love with a troubled half-elf woman who had grown up in a cult and turned to art thievery as a profession. The Cleric with the Heart of Gold, she had dubbed him.

There was a silence surrounding the table after Mwaxanare and Karoleena’s small disagreement. Eventually, it was pierced by Mwaxanare laughing, a laugh that sounded authentic to Karoleena, enough for her to giggle slightly in concert with her.

“You read the version made for publication under the Imperial Decency Standards,” Mwaxanare says through her laugh.

“Huh?” Karoleena asks confused.

“The publisher they re-gender stories to be able to sell in the Empire. It’s also amusing when it’s someone as prominent as one of the Landier brothers. I mean, one of the most notable clerics of one of the most notable Imperial deities, and no one finds it strange that this- what was her name?” Mwaxanare asks.

“Teflorna.” Karoleena offers back, still befuddled with the turn the conversation had taken

“Yes, her, that she doesn’t exist.” Mwaxanare finishes her thought.

“I mean, they are just tabloid-style stories; none of it is real,” Duvanith says before Karoleena can respond. Mwaxanare jumps in again, clearly teasing.

“Oh Karoleena, don’t mind Duvanith. She is just upset they haven’t written a book about her yet.”

“I don’t want a smutty retelling of my time in the jungle, plus ‘Only Academic Interest’ is basically about me,” Duvanith says, her face stayed red, likely this time from being joked about given how long it had been since any of them had taken a bite. Karoleena furrowed her brow; she had read ‘Only Academic Interest’ during her trip to Port Currington. She wasn’t sure if Duvanith was purporting that she was the dashing airship pirate captain or the mousy bookbinder from the Great Library Annex. Neither seemed particularly likely, but she let it go in favor of a more interesting gossip.

“Why’s that Duvanith? Was there someone in your Adventuring party you became smitten with?” Karoleena asks teasingly and accompanies the question with a suggestive eyebrow lift. She felt a bit of warmness as she teased; something about it felt familiar, like an exchange they would have had when they were girls. Duvanith had always hated fielding these questions, and Karoleena had always loved teasing her about it.

Duvanith waves her hands over her plate.

“Not doing this. Nope. Fuck the Academy of Romance and their stupid ass stories. Mwaxanare, tell her about the Ilmerryite so we can get this show on the road.” She implores; a typical Duvanith response on such a question if Karolleena had ever seen one.

“Ilmerryite?” She asks openly.

Mwaxanare clears her throat to provide a break in the conversation before changing the topic; it’s what Karoleena would have done.

“Yes, well,” the Queen of Choilit adjusts herself in her seat, “Princess Karoleena, I would like to pose a diplomatic endeavor for you to bring before your father.”

“Oh? Oh!” Karoleena says, surprised, “It’s not really my role at Court to act as a diplomat-”

Mwaxanare raises a hand to cut her off; she abides.

“In my Court, you would be one of the few people expected to act as a diplomat, and as such, I’m placing this offer before you.”

“Okay.” Karoleena nodded in agreement; inside her chest, there were warring feelings about the possibility of getting involved with what Duvanith was up to in Choilit and shame about stepping in where her fathers’ advisors should likely be conducting the Crown’s business.

“I have just secured a slow but steady supply of Ilmerryite. I want to offer a small amount as an offering to open a diplomatic line regarding the continued presence of the Imperial Army in Choilt.”

“I’m sure my father would love to have access to Ilmerryite. It’s not an easy material to come by in the Empire, and most places have ceased exportation; many of his top advisors and Arbiter talent at the Annulus haven’t been raised based on the last newspaper I had access to.” Karoleena says, the excitement beginning to stamp down the shame, allowing concern over the ‘Imperial Army’s presence’ in Choilit to take its place.

“It’s also what my contacts in the Empire have reported.” Mwaxanare offers. Karoleena thinks for a moment and nods a hearty agreement.

“Sure! I think my father would be pleased to hear the offer, at least.”

Mwaxanare claps her hands together with a smile, clearly projecting ‘it settled then’ with her physicality. She then turns to Duvanith and says,

“Tomorrow, Waxilomxitetl, we’ll have Clokz teleport a group of katāim and us to secure the location.” Mwaxanare then turns to Karoleena and says matter of factly, “I don’t think we’ll be able to make lunch tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Karoleena says, disappointed, having gone from feeling momentarily included to specifically excluded had sent a wave of negative emotion over her excitement. “Maybe I -uh, could come?” She offers.

“Katāim means ‘warriors,’ Karoleena; we don’t know what to expect there.” Duvanith offers, finally breaking her embrassed silence.

“Oh, well, maybe I can see you off?”

Duvanith looks to Mwaxanare, who shrugs.

“Sure.”

#fiction writing #original character #short story #ttrpg community #fiction #worldbuilding #fantasy #dieselpunk #dungeons and dragons #ttrpg stuff #writeblr

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alyssathorne · 2 years

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Alyssa Thorne X S. Elizabeth

In a banner week for being able to do “pinch me I’m dreaming” jobs - I have something thing I created for a friend to show you! This was made for @ghoulnextdoor - otherwise known as author and notorious perfume sniffer, S. Elizabeth. I also know her as a pal; one whom I feel incredibly lucky to have met in this weird world. She is the most spectacular person and I could talk about her for days! But you should just get to know her yourself.

This piece was created EXCLUSIVELY for the Patreon that accompanies her incredible TikTok perfume review channel, Midnight Stinks. If you like perfume, this is THE TikTok for you. Her voice is so soothing and the descriptions of the smells are like nothing I’ve ever heard before, and are incredibly unique, transportive, and sometimes funny as heck.

For this piece, I imagined a tableau that represented the feelings I get when I watch her videos. So I present: Midnight Stinks - a fantastical, imaginary vanity table with luxuriant floral overgrowth, magically springing from the surface. A scene with shimmering bottles, gleaming jewels, yellowing old books full of notes on various scents. A table fit for a notable scent historian.

I also included a sneak peek at the book photos I shot for her upcoming book, The Art Of Darkness - it is gorgeous and you need to pre-order and see it for yourself! Pre- Order the book HERE

When I asked what she would like people to know about the book, she said

"It was conceived of at a time when "Good Vibes Only" was a big thing that influencers and wellness gurus were all espousing. And that really rubbed me the wrong way. We've since started talking about that attitude as "toxic positivity" and I was sort of thinking of this book as the antidote to aggressively good vibes, and a way to sit with distressing, uncomfortable things that don't feel good in a safe and sometimes beautiful space."

Here is a quote from the book to illustrate this (in my opinion) super refreshing perspective.

"Ever since I learned as a child that we all at some point experience unpleasant feelings or behaviors or conditions, whether that be fright or fury, melancholy or misery, sadness or sickness, I have been fascinated by how we describe and communicate these things, these darker aspects of the human condition–especially as it relates to language and visuals, and in particular the way these things are depicted in art.

We all experience darkness. We can’t avoid it, and I don’t think we should. If we’re eternally trying to live the light where it’s always bright and happy, where we ignore or evade our distressing, uncomfortable feelings, then we are starved of shadows, of nuance, and risk an existence robbed of the richness of contrast. When we only validate our positive feelings, we vastly restrict our tools for looking at the world. We are neither dealing with reality as it is nor adequately readying ourselves for the random pains and struggles that life has in store for us. We deny our inner darkness at our own peril. Because tragedies and calamities are inevitable and darkness will descend at some point in your life, no matter what sort of mindset you have. Despite what you may have heard, good things don’t only happen to good people, and bad things don’t only happen to bad people, and whatever it is, your positive or negative thoughts did not make it happen. Shit happens. Pain is pain, feelings are feelings. And as humans, for our emotional health, it is important that we experience and embody the full spectrum of feelings and emotions."

Honestly, please seek out the book if you like dark art. It's truly special.

0 notes

losthomunculus · 3 years

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Online Safety Relevant to the Current State of the Internet

On twitter I made a tweet about how online safety lessons in school can be very out of touch but that the advice of people who are familiar with the current internet shouldn't be disregarded. So here's my informal collection of online safety tips

Sources: unrestricted internet access since elementary school (not recommended), being a formerly involuntarily home bound person for several years that amassed way too much online experience

This could possibly hold upsetting reminders to people who had bad experiences online including mentions of grooming and emotional manipulation so please proceed with caution!

Information Sharing

Make an online pseudonym for public profiles and websites.

Don’t feel like you have to list everything about you for the world to see.

Sometimes it’s not a question of “can this information be used to locate and identify me irl?”, but simply “do I want this information publicly available and linked to my online persona?”

Unlike offline, being online leaves a constant trail of who you were accessible at all times. People are constantly growing and changing. Try to limit the information you share so you can ditch that trail and start over if need be.

Sharing information with people you make friends with and trust is a judgement call on your part, but always be on the safe side and be protective of your information.

Start as cautious as possible with online safety. Any risks or judgement calls can come later when you are 1. aware of the risks, 2. ready to address them if they occur, and 3. have gathered plenty of information instead of doing something blindly and hoping for the best.

Do not share your triggers publicly, they can very easily be used against you. Instead use websites with a large amount of filtering options to curate your online experience. If you are going to share them, only do it privately with people you trust.

Importance of Boundaries

It doesn’t matter how mature you are, don’t enter age limited spaces you don’t qualify for. It’s disrespectful to the boundaries of the people who made that space. Boundaries like this exist for the comfort of both sides involved.

Just because you can “handle it” doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Desensitization is not something to brag about.

Venting or making r18 posts as a minor on a public account is VERY dangerous. Intense emotional vulnerability is something manipulators will look for as a way to get to you. The same with sexual jokes to develop your comfort talking about those topics casually and eventually escalating the situation. If you are going to talk about such things please keep that in private conversations with people you trust in your age group.

Note the difference between public and private online space. Tweeting something on a public account is not the same as having a conversation in the cafeteria with your friends.

If an adult tries talking to you about r18, run the other way. Doesn’t matter how cool you are, it says something weird about THEM if they’re willing to talk to a minor about that stuff.

If someone( like 3+ years, honestly depends on how old you are) older than you wouldn't be comfortable saying what they're saying to you in front of other people (like a teacher or guardian), that's suspicious as hell. Run in the other direction.

The younger you are, the more age gaps matter. There's a bigger difference in development between a 13 year old and a 17 year old than there is between a 20 year old and a 24 year old. It helps to try to contextualize it with real people instead of numbers. Instead of thinking "oh just 4 years? that's not that weird" consider "oh. that would be like a freshman (13/14) dating a senior (17/18). yikes."

Be just as wary of people your own age talking about things that make you uncomfortable. Just like irl, sometimes you’ll meet people your age that are hurtful.

Friends complain to each other and talk about their issues, that alone is fine. But when people are doing it without permission, draw a line. When people are making it feel like you’re responsible for maintaining their mental health, you need to draw a line. When it starts to effect your mental health, PLEASE DRAW A LINE! I know it feels like your responsibility sometimes, but it’s not. You cannot be there for others if you’re not taking care of yourself first and foremost.

Don’t be afraid to block people. Even for petty reasons. It’s good to block people. Don’t force yourself to see stuff you don’t want to see.

Being Constantly Online

The 24 hour news cycle is not a good thing to follow 24/7. Taking social responsibility is a good thing, but your brain is NOT built to worry about every issue in the world at once. One strategy I use for staying sane is I try to only check the news once a day, and if something needs more attention to set aside an amount of time I’m going to focus on it before I need to take time to step back.

Touch grass. Not literally, unless you can in which case I highly suggest it, sometimes it’s just good to lay in a field. What I mean is you need to dedicate a good portion of your time to being offline (sleep does not count). What your offline time looks like is going to differ depending on your level of ability, but even if you are house bound it’s important to build some hobbies that don’t rely on the internet. Talking to people offline is also a good goal if possible, even just to your housemates.

Social etiquette greatly differs online and offline and sometimes the reminder that were all just Some People gets lost behind the numbers and the fabricated personas. Keep in mind the difference in how information is shared without forgetting that the fact we are all people remains the same.

Be generous with your etiquette. You will avoid a lot of stress if you conduct yourself with the same politeness you would have in an offline interaction. Master the art of "minding your own business" for your own sake.

Arguments and Competition

As soon as you can, you need to internalize the fact that leaving an argument is not losing.

It is inevitable you will be exposed to many people who disagree with you. Some people only want to argue to rile you up. Sometimes that’s not their intention, but it’s what they’re doing. You do not have to remain in conversation with people, especially if they’re not interested in actually coming to an understanding. Even if they are interested, sometimes they just suck!! Leave!! You can leave!!

On that note, sometimes you are going to get valid criticism and it’s going to hurt. That is part of learning. If someone says you messed up and did something hurtful, take a second to step back from your defensiveness and consider: intent ≠ effect. Apologize, repair what you can, and move forward with the ability to do better in the future. You’re going to mess up every once in awhile, it’s inevitable.

To summarize the past two points: don't waste your time on unnecessary hostility but don't close yourself into an echo chamber either. Debates should be about learning.

Sometimes people are not going to like you. This happens offline too but people tend to be a lot more blunt online. Sometimes people dislike you for no reason or for really petty reasons. That’s not your problem, move on.

Don’t actively seek out people you don’t like or who don’t like you to argue with. Whether or not your side is the “right side” doesn’t matter, it’s going to cause you so much unnecessary stress. Feel free to keep posting your opinions on your own profile but don’t seek out unnecessary conflict.

This is a different type of competition than previously mentioned, but be aware of the danger of comparing yourself to other people. Especially if you’re a creative or student, DO NOT GET SWEPT UP IN THE GRIND CULTURE. It’s more subtle in some places than others, but anytime you see the notion that you should be working yourself to the bone be VERY critical. Also be critical of any online cultures (such as gaming and art communities) that brag about unhealthy habits or act like it’s ~part of the culture~ (ex: all nighters, not taking breaks, getting hurt. Any activity that neglects health to work toward a goal).

Not just grind culture, any community of subculture that shares anti recovery sentiments is a huge red flag. Even if they're joking, it's not worth the risk of internalizing those statements.

Everyone’s social media presence is to some degree doctored because it’s a purposefully selected collection of what they allow you to see. It’s fine to like the persona you see being displayed, but never forget that it is not reflective of the entire person. Everyone online is JUST SOME PERSON. Do not forget that and start holding yourself to a standard you can’t even see every side of.

By posting online you are opening yourself to criticism. Whether or not it’s justified can vary, but either way it’s going to happen. Mute stuff, go private, disable comments, etc if you need to.

Misc Tidbits

these are technically just general info that is also good for offline but I have seen things that make me think people online need the extra reminder.

Learn what cults are, how they recruit, and what they do to their members. I'm not kidding. This is particularly relevant at the moment because of current societal unrest and widespread loneliness. No one is immune to cult propaganda, and not every cult is based on pre established religion or family. Many exist ONLINE and are able to manipulate people without ever meeting face to face. (learn more: Loneliness as a Pandemic: The Dangers of Online Cult

Familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience. Please familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience and then learn how to identify pseudoscience. (learn more: Karl Popper, Science, & Pseudoscience: Crash Course Philosophy #8)

Q. How do I know if a source is reliable?

Final Thoughts

It's important people of ALL ages learn these lessons, because the internet is constantly changing and we are all vulnerable when in the presence of other people.

Be cautious and stay safe

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abschaumno1 · 3 years

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On fandom, shipping and boundaries

Since I have seen a lot of talk about boundaries and shipping over the last couple days, and because that has led to me doing a lot of thinking on it/ I just wanted to share my few cents on the topic.

For those who haven’t seen me talk about this before I should probably mention that I’ve been in fandom for over ten years and in RPF spaces for six years now. So that’s the background that informs my opinions.

So let’s get into this.

Most of the arguments I see center around the opinion that we as fans need consent from content creators to essentially do anything in fandom. Which is right where it starts for me to be honest.

Fandom is and has always been a subculture where fans of a thing meet and exchange their ideas and create art and fic and all sorts of other transformative works for each other. Emphasis on “for each other”.

As a fan I am in fandom spaces to talk to other people who like the same things I do, and I am in fandom spaces to share with other fans what I create based on the things we like (fanfic in my personal case).

Over the past ten years I have watched the increasing shift towards where fandom is more out in the open, and where fans apparently feel like they can and should approach creators with the things they used to share in fandom circles. Obviously some creators have made it clear that they don’t have a problem with that, have actively encouraged it, or admitted to seeking it out to some extend. I think the most famous example for this is probably Bryan Fuller and his enthusiasm about Hannibal fandom in general and Hannigram fanworks in particular, or Mads Mikkelsen, who to my knowledge has publicly admitted to reading (and liking) explicit Hannigram fic. They made that decision for themselves and I think that’s great for them.

Now here’s also the heart of the issue for me. Because I am a very strong believer in the fourth wall, meaning that there is fandom and then there is the spaces where we get to interact with the creators (cons, more recently social media accounts), and yes, sometimes those things intersect, but that does not mean the fourth wall is and should be disregarded.

Shipping especially (since that’s the reason I am writing this post) is a subset of fandom. Not everyone in fandom ships; not everyone in fandom wants to ship. And that’s completely fine. We’re all here to have fun and we all look for different things from what we do in fandom. But at no point does that entitle any of us to demand others to cater to what we personally want from fandom. And at no point does any of this mean we should feel like we have to ask for permission to do the things we do.

Fandom is not just transformative, it is transgressive. Modern fandom, especially modern slash fandom got popularised by women writing queer content about Star Trek in the 1970s (the first published slash story was published in a zine in 1974). And yes, there are cases where I would argue for being publicly transgressive, but I do not think that this should apply to fandom, and being transgressive means that I can and will do things without regard to what any creator wants me to do.

And this is where we go back to the fourth wall and the question of boundaries. I have seen a trend in Hermitcraft fandom specifically where people approach content creators to ask them what their boundaries are and compile lists of who is fine with what. And that in itself crosses a boundary for me.

See one of the most important things I learned in fandom in general, and in Hockey RPF specifically is that the fourth wall is one of the most important boundaries we have in fandom. Shipping is for us. Not for the creators or the professionals involved. And I will be honest with you, none of the shippers I know in Hermitcraft fandom actively share their shippy stuff with creators. In fact, a lot of them feel uncomfortable at the mere suggestion that any of the Hermits could read or see their shipping content.

Asking the Hermits (and other content creators) what they think about shipping and whether they are okay with it is crossing that boundary, and in my personal opinion it shows a disregard for the content creators these “fans” presumably care about. If you actually want to respect them, just keep that stuff away from them. They are adults, if they happen to find it they can decide to ignore it. And if they decide not to ignore it then that is their own decision. A decision they can make for themselves, because once again, they are adults.

But people will use even ambiguous statements or non-statements and twist them to mean what they think they should mean and then go and harass people who kept this content to their own circles and sharing it with others who want to see it and try to tell them what they can and cannot do. They will tell you “I don’t speak for them” and then tell you that the only way to read a statement is their way. The moment you take an ambiguous statement or a statement that has never been made and say "this means that" without letting the person in question clarify, you are attempting to speak for them. And no, this does not mean I want people to ask the Hermits for clarification. I want people to not bring this up with the Hermits at all

And I have seen the concept of consent being brought up in this context and I am just going to say it: The concept of consent does not apply here.

The concept of consent as used by anti-shippers and yes, also shippers insistent on respecting these boundaries, whether they are correctly interpreted or not, is the concept of consent we apply to s*xual encounters. And that concept does not apply here. At all.

Consent as applied to s*xual encounters is a legal tool used to determine whether an encounter was unconsensual and thus breaking the law, or not.

I have seen an analogy being thrown around where creating shipping content without being told by the person you create it about that they are okay with it is the same as walking up to a stranger and holding their hand without asking if they are okay with it.

This analogy is false.

A more fitting analogy would be this: You see a stranger and you would like to hold their hand. You walk up to them to ask if you can, potentially making them feel uncomfortable. This is what people asking Hermits about whether they are okay with shipping are doing.

Or you could quietly draw art of yourself holding the stranger's hands or write about it, and not show it to them, meaning they will never know, which has literally no effect on them whatsoever. This is what shippers are already doing.

We all have fantasies. It's human to have fantasies. There is nothing wrong with that. The moment this becomes an issue is when we ignore the boundaries of the objects of our fantasies and tell them about them unsolicited.

Another thing I want to make abundantly clear here is the following: The Hermits are not your friends.

They may be accessible online and they may even talk to fans online, but they are not our friends. We know as much as they are willing to share publicly. Nothing more and nothing less. What we know about and of them is a public persona. And yes, that persona may or may not include aspects of their real personalities, but at the end of the day they are effectively strangers.

Accessibility online does not mean we are entitled to cross boundaries we would not cross in real life either. And someone talking to you about something unrelated does not make you entitled to ask them frankly invasive questions about things they might not have encountered or put much thought into without you asking those questions.

Furthermore, I would like us all to remember what happened when ZombieCleo came out and told anti-shippers that they should stop harassing shippers. This fandom has a history and considering that history, I am not surprised when Hermits give ambiguous statements or try to avoid saying anything, even ignoring for a moment that it's invasive. If I had witnessed people bully my friend and that same community is now asking me to state my opinion on the same issue I would think twice about how to reply. Especially if I rely on that same community for part of my income.

This is a lot of text already and I could probably find more to say but I'll wrap it up here. If you have any concerns or want to discuss points further my ask box is open. Just don't be an asshole.

#hermitcraft #discourse #scummy post

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jimlingss · 3 years

Note

(sorry my tumblr app glitched so im not sure if this was sent twice) taking a chance for the requests! how about a seokjin or namjoon arranged marriage au with this: “Am I your lockscreen?” “You weren’t supposed to see that.” 🎄 happy holidays!!

↳ Playground Promises

1.9k || 100% Light Fluff || Kim Seokjin

The bell rings.

Moments later, children are sprinting from the doors and flooding the playground. You watch in fondness as some climb the monkey bars while others sit and dig into the sandbox. All of them were forging their first friendships they’ll remember forever and you were their witness.

This is one of your favourite times of day. You enjoy seeing the kids have their fun, listening to their laughter and giggles, watching their games of tag to play pretend. But today, your enjoyment is interrupted by a certain male teacher that comes to stand behind you.

Tall. Dark. And handsome. His broad shoulders carry the weight of the third-grade class and practically the entire elementary school. But you’d never admit that out loud.

“It’s a bit chilly out today. You should’ve brought your coat with you.”

You hum.

Every staff member, married and single, swoons over Kim Seokjin. It’s hard not to. But if others knew what your relationship was with him, you’re sure you’d never hear the end of it. The kids would make a big fuss and so would all the staff and faculty, and you’d rather avoid that.

“I didn’t know you were on playground duty today.”

“I switched with Sana,” he says and leans over to smile. “Thought you could use some company.”

You scoff. “She’s perfectly fine company.”

The corner of his plump lip pulls. “If you want to talk about the mathletes program. And I’m pretty sure you don’t.”

Before you can respond, a boy approaches the two of you with pink cheeks and wind-swept hair. “Mr. Kim, can I go to the bathroom?” the third-grader asks in the midst of catching his breath and the older man nods.

“Go ahead. But don’t run in the hallway, Lucas.”

Said boy grins and dashes off.

Seokjin turns to you and lowers his voice. “My mom’s been asking about the kids.”

Your brows furrow. “Why? They’re a good bunch.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I don’t mean your class’ kids, I mean our kids.”

You blink owlishly. “There are no our kids.”

“That’s the problem.”

You sigh and roll your eyes. “Wasn’t getting married enough for them?”

Seokjin shrugs with a faint, mischievous smile. “They want to go out for brunch with your parents this Sunday. Are you free?”

“When am I not free?” you retort lightly, but slip your phone out of your pocket to check your calendar anyhow. Seokjin glances over to your screen and once you finish, you slip it back into your pocket. “I have some marking to do, but I’ll probably finish by then.”

“Okay.” The pair of you turn back to continue monitoring the children playing and you’re glad to revel in the silence that’s been created between you. But after a beat, Kim Seokjin pipes up again. You don’t know why you’re surprised. He’s quite the talkative guy. “Hey, Y/N.”

You look over and he meets your eye.

He asks, “Am I your lock screen?”

Your face heats. If you were once cold, now you were warm from head to toe. “You weren’t supposed to see that,” you mumble. It was just a picture from the other day and you wanted to change things up on your phone. You had nothing else to use. It was convenient. That’s it.

Your entire relationship with him is built on convenience. At least...on his side it is.

Still, Seokjin grins and fortunately, he doesn’t tease.

You rush to change the subject. “A-Anyway, yeah, Sunday works for me. But we should probably talk about this after work.”

“Why? No one’s around.” His smile is spread from ear to ear and he leans in, whispering, “Are you that scared of people finding out we’re married?”

Immediately, you whip your head in all directions. Luckily, there’s no kid or nosy faculty member. You turn back to him, glaring. “I already said, I like to keep my private life under wraps.”

“I remember. But if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were embarrassed of me.”

You scoff and a murmur unintentionally spills out of you, “That’s impossible.”

You don’t notice Seokjin’s smile.

It’s been three months since you got married. It was a summer wedding. More importantly, it was an arranged marriage. And not because you were both wealthy and needed to be wedded to get the inheritance under some arbitrary contract rule or because it was your grandmother’s dying wish. No. You live a much more mundane, normal life than the dramas, movies and books.

It was your mom who threw a fuss. She was scared you’d be alone and unmarried, an old maid like your aunt — you didn’t say it, she just heavily implied it. But following her practically senile meltdown, you agreed. Partly to appease her worries and partly just out of curiosity.

You always wanted to get married. And deep down, you always wanted your own kids. But at the rate you were going, you had a feeling you wouldn’t be able to meet someone on your own.

What you didn’t expect on that blind date was for the other person to be Kim Seokjin, third grade teacher. Down the hall from you at the school. Someone across the room every lunchtime. Your dads were apparently long time colleagues, but Jin was still as equally shocked as you were during that first meeting. Yet, he easily agreed to getting married when you brought it up. Even when it was only after two months of occasionally seeing one another outside of your workplaces.

You still don’t know why he said yes.

“Ms. L/N!”

You’re torn out of your trance by a little girl at your knees.

She pouts. “Jennie won’t let me play on the slide!”

“Did you ask her to share?”

“Yes!”

Before any more can be said, she drags you over and Seokjin trails after you. There’s another girl with brown braided hair climbing on the slide, and she swivels her head over as the two of you approach, eyes the size of saucers.

“Are you taking turns, Jennie?” you ask her, and she vigorously nods.

“I am!”

“Well, you’ve been on it for a while. How about Lisa takes a turn next.”

“Okay,” she draws out and gets off of the slide before turning to her friend. “Here you go.”

It’s always little problems you have to solve — from sharing to knee scrapes and monkey bar accidents. Sometimes it’s difficult for the children to compromise, difficult for them to apologize and difficult for you to find a good solution. But you undoubtedly wish your own issues were this simple.

While you’re stuck in your thoughts, you miss Jin watching you fondly.

“You’re good with kids,” he says as you move out of the way of running children and walk back to the perimeter.

“I wouldn’t be doing this job if I wasn’t. But I deal with older kids much better.” There’s a reason you teach fifth graders and not any lower than that. Seokjin knows it too.

“Remember when we had to supervise that kindergarten class together?”

You shudder. “It was a nightmare.”

“You weren’t that bad,” he tries to say but then laughs. You feign a glare, and he adds on, “Okay. I’m sorry, but I still mean it. It’s not as terrible as you thought. You’d make a good mom.”

At that, your glare vanishes in favour of furrowing brows. You really shouldn’t, but you can’t help it when curiosity pries — so you break your own rule against discussing private matters at work.

“Do you want my kids?”

Seokjin is wide-eyed and he turns to you. “Why not? We’re married.”

“Yeah….but…”

“But? Do you not want kids?”

“No! I definitely want them,” you declare, almost a bit too boldly. He nods and you explain, “It’s just...I don’t know if you’re serious.”

Seokjin blinks. “I’m being perfectly serious.”

“I mean I don’t know if we’re serious.” You add, “Enough to have kids.”

“What’s more serious than being married?” Jin has a genuinely inquisitive and amused expression, head quirked to the side.

You inhale a sharp breath and his gaze coaxes you to go on, so you do. “It’s just that you agreed so quickly to be married to me. It doesn’t….feel real. I don’t know if you wanted to marry me, if you did it on a whim, if this is some kind of joke—”

He frowns. “This isn’t a joke, Y/N. I wanted to marry you.”

Your mouth hangs open. Your eyes are rounded.

“Wh—”

“Mrs. L/N!” You’re interrupted by your fifth-grader, Park Jimin. He sprints to you, huffing and puffing, before leaning his hands onto his knees to catch his breath. “Have you seen Taehyung?! We’re playing tag!”

“No, I haven’t.”

Jin suddenly points to the left. “He went that way.”

Jimin books it.

Silence fills the spaces between you and Seokjin again, but it isn’t like normal. It’s filled with unanswered questions and the suspenseful cliffhanger of an unfinished conversation. The laughter of kids on the playground and field resound around you, but for the first time, you don’t listen to it.

It fades into the background as you turn to Seokjin, wanting to know more. “What did you just say?”

The man smiles softly. “You have to know.”

“I don’t,” you assert. “So tell me.”

“I’ve always liked you.”

You blink and he continues, “Since you substituted for the art teacher and I saw you squirt red paint all over yourself. It’s something I couldn’t forget. Plus, the way you draw those stick people.” Seokjin laughs heartily and you’re trapped in your spot, unsure of how to react or what to say. He reads your expression and softens. “Did you really think I would rush into a marriage if I didn’t have feelings for you?”

“I…” Your mouth is agape. “I don’t know. Why did we never talk about this?”

Seokjin shrugs. “You never asked and I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable if you didn’t feel the same way. I knew you married me for convenience.”

“That’s not true,” you retort within a beat. This whole time, you thought he married you for convenience sake. But it wasn’t entirely like that for you.

Seokjin’s eyes are big and you swallow down your embarrassment. “Isn’t it obvious every single breathing person loves you? It’s hard not to.”

Slowly but surely, a grin spreads into Seokjin’s puffy cheeks and he’s smiling from ear to ear again. “Well, you’re very good at hiding it then.”

Suddenly, the bell rings.

All the children reluctantly climb off the equipment, some dusting their hands while others grabbing their friends, and they rush into their lineups. There’s a few stranglers lugging their legs while groaning. But busy in their small playground worlds, no one turns around to notice you leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to Seokjin’s mouth. It’s shy and brief, like the first peck exchanged between two for the first time. And you pull away just as fast, lips left tingling.

“We can continue this later, Mr. Kim.”

You stride off while Seokjin’s left smiling. After a breathless moment, he chases after you like children who have just made promises of their first love on the playground.

#bts fanfic #bts scenario #jin fanfic #jin fluff #jin scenario #jin reader insert #jin x reader #seokjin reader insert #seokjin fanfic #seokjin scenario #THIS IS MY LAST DRABBLE Y'ALL :D #anonymous

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