#My hairdresser fucked it up so bad and now everytime I look at it I nearly burst into tears

[prismatica-the-strange]

You know I am being so brave about my hair rn, I haven't even cried once

#Even though I really want to #My hairdresser fucked it up so bad and now everytime I look at it I nearly burst into tears #I don't even know if dye will fix it at this point cause I have like four separate brown/blond tones going on #I was gonna do it like Charity's red and green in December but unless I can get it fixed I don't dare spend any more money on those colors #So yeah... that's $120 I'll never get back #prisma vents #vent post

[downwiththebad]

Storytime!

I(Charli) work at a bakery. And I(Charli) have a bad habit of having crushes on beautiful women who only appear to possibly like me back.

You see, a few weeks ago, I made a fool of myself working at the bakery when an absolutely cute and beautiful woman came in and asked what my favorite cupcake was, because she couldn't choose what one to buy. I (Charli) was SO nervous being in this amazing persons presence that I didn't even pick my favorite, I picked my second favorite, and found myself unable to stop talking about how much I loved it ,and why I love it, and why everyone else should love it, too . I couldn't stop for so long, that I (Charli) could feel my ears and face getting beet red and my lungs ready to explode if I(Charli) didn't take a breath soon.

I(Charli) must have sounded like such an idiot, but as she fumbled to pull out $2.70, she says "You are SO adorable" and I swear my heart skipped a beat. I swear it did. My dumb ass decided it was gunna fall for a perfect stranger, and I fucking let it.

Weeks go by, and although I don't see this woman again, I (Charli) surely thought of her.

Then one day, my estranged sister decides to message me on fb. I (Charli) seriously thought it over for a couple days whether to reform this broken relationship, and ended up messaging her back and setting up a day to meet up. That day, was today.

First thing we did was go walk her husky, Hailey, which I (Charli) hadn't seen for the better part of the year. Then, we decided to go for a bite at Hot Tamale; a meal my stomach is now tormenting me for having.

Hot Tamale is located perfectly across the road from the bakery, and two of my amazing customers work next door to Hot Tamale, at Todays Hair. In fact, one of them just did my hair a few days ago( another broken relationship I(Charli) was attempting to fix with cinnamon rolls a raspberry filled cupcakes).

The moment we walked into Hot Tamale, the place gave off a spooky vibe. The place was so huge, and so empty. The setup to order food made me feel like I (Charli) was back in the middle school lunch line. The place may not have been decorated for the upcoming holloween, but it still had not trouble feeling creepy enough.

Once we sat down, things didn't stop getting weird. The weird old janitor with his mop bucket, and the odd girl in PJs and slippers carrying a blanket down main street at 2 in the afternoon. Ugh, still gives me shivers down my spine.

Halfway through our meal the lights start flashing, looked around to see a fire alarm going off. No one here makes noticeof it at first. It wasn't lthe first false alarm we've experienced thanks to years of living in college dorms. There was no smoke in view, and therefore no need to rush out. Even the workers seemed to be debating whether or not it'd be worth it to make us pack up and head out into the wind. But after a few long minutes we just got up on our own and mosey'd our way to the street for the sake of protocol.

As we walked out, I noticed it wasn't just Hot Tamale that was evacuating, but also the apartments above, and Todays Hair, so I (Charli) went to look and see if my hairdresser was on shift so I had more people to talk to. When I found my hairdresser, I (Charli) jokingly blamed her for trying to burn down the building during my 'lovely' dinner, and she actually admitted that the fire alarm WAS her fault. They were using a chemical straightener and when they opened thr doors, the alarms went haywire. Yup, that's my hairdresser, causing drama where ever she goes.

At somepoint in the conversation I(Charli) got bored and decided to be a weirdo and see what kind of other people were out in the cold because of the alarms. There was the girl in PJs, giant dude with a teeny doggo, and a buncha random normal looking people.

Then, you can probably guess who I(Charli) saw staring back at me.

Yup. It was that absolutely cute and beautiful woman from the bakery that called me adorable. I(Charli) felt like I was melting into a puddle from looking at her. She was smiling! At me! Charli! And you know what? There wasn't a time while we were waiting to go back inside that she wasn't staring back at me with a smile when I(Charli) looked her way. And yeah, everytime I saw her staring at me I(Charli) could not help but grin back. Why? Because I(Charli) live in in a fairytale world, and I(Charli) have a stupid schoolkid crush on the girl who works across the road from my bakery!

#I(Charli) #storytime #So Gay #downwiththebad #love #crush #beautiful #cutie #fuck yeah #Im a fool for love

[kittencvntx]

seriously stressed out...

...using this as a vent space. No one really pays attention here anyways so here goes. My hamster Gimli, my little furry companion, is getting old and has a large lump formed on his chest. I can see he’s getting slower but doesn’t seem to be in any pain.. or at least isn’t showing it. He’s eating, drinking, runs a bit out in the ball, still does things normally but can’t really wash his belly that well and sometimes his right eye gets gunked up closed. I’m trying my best to keep him comfortable. It breaks my heart everytime i take him out. Any day I’m going to wake up and he’ll be gone. I know he’s a rodent, a hamster, and they don’t live long. I had one as a kid that died very ill in my own palms. It’s still never easy. I got him as a comfort and a friend for myself. I feel so shitty. I found the lump when I came back from 10 days away down in Toronto and Quebec. Devastated. I’ve been struggling with bad anxiety (and depression as a result of that) for a very long time... since age 14 I would guess. Got my first medication for it all by myself last summer. Things were going great then my life got derailed a little again from some shit and I never followed up with my doc, slowly slipped back into a shitty mental spot and here I am again, a year later, on the same low dose on the first medication I’ve tried like an idiot. I’ve got an appointment Wednesday at 9AM at least. I feel like a pathetic idiot. I always procrastinate on anything and everything. I’m such a baby. But I won’t delve into that for now. Speaking of appointments and doctors, I’ve recently gotten sick with some sort of infection in my throat, another problem I have that recurs every year since I was young. Anyways, so I’m going to the clinic tomorrow to get that looked at and hopefully have that shit taken care of. As a result I’ve been cooped up alone in my room and it’s not great. I unfortunately haven’t been able to see my boyfriend a whole lot prior to being sick either so that sucks. I’m so happy he got to see his dog and mother and stuff though. He’s also going through his fair share of crap. I love him though, he’s so wonderful. Can’t wait to see him soon. Backtracking, prior to being sick I partied much too hard. Been getting into coke quite a bit lately and the last time there was a bit too much shit cut into it. Fucked me up quite some. I had the worst comedown. I can’t drink and do drugs like this if I’m going to try and get better. I know what I need to do, I know what I should do, what I shouldn’t. I gotta grow up, stop being such a whiny baby. I want to work out and get in shape, too look good AND feel good. I want to eat well. I want to work and live anxiety/depression free. I want to work towards all my goals. I want my drivers license, my hairdressing license, get a car, get my own space to live in... so many things.. but I have no energy, no motive. Its frustrating as hell. I feel like a disappointment.. If not to anyone else, but myself. Backtracking again (i’m fucking awful at sorting myself even in writing) I was supposed to go back to Toronto and enjoy Spiderfest with my friends but I bitched out because I need this doctors appointment for my mental health. I’m pretty bummed about this and I feel like a bad friend for backing out. I know she understands though. I hope I can make it next year. Might greyhound down to T.O. later just to spend some time living there and doing stuff. Despite all this, I know I have a loving, supportive family, and a wonderful boyfriend I look forward to building a relationship with. I hope I can sort my shit out.. I don’t want to ruin another relationship with my shit mental state and inability to cope. I really, really want this one to work out. I really feel something great in this.  I’m fucking terrified. /andbreathe

#life problems #vent post #relationships #anxiety #depression

[happynowidiot-blog-blog]

We got Indian food and it was delivered just as we were all on the verge of passing out because none of us had eaten all day. Myles was over an hour late because his meeting ran late. I went downstairs to get him and he smiled when he saw me and goes, “Someone’s looking good.” I could kiss my hairdresser. He asked what the occasion was and I told him I just wanted a change. We went upstairs and I grabbed glasses for the wine he’d brought over. He also brought a pack of Reese’s with three peanut butter cups in it. He said he got one for each of us but didn’t know if anyone was allergic and was hoping someone was because he wanted one. I laughed so hard I cried. That it so ridiculous. Penny was super tense all day. I know that it’s from being tired and resisting the urge to kill Shahida but it’s becoming irritating. She really just needs to relax a little bit. Shahida and I have also been in a pretty good place lately. We stayed up after Penny went to bed on Thursday talking and I think that really helped. I needed a reminder that this was the girl I talked to everyday over the summer and not the monster currently living in Penny’s head.

We finished the first bottle of wine and watched the Inbetweeners (which Myles has never seen somehow) with Penny attempting to buy us Harry Potter tickets and then getting irritated because we weren’t paying attention and no one would make a decision. London isn’t doing a midnight showing (of course not) so we’re going to a midnight show on Friday instead of Thursday night. I made the executive decision that we needed more alcohol so Myles, Shahida, and I walked down to one of the sketch little off-liscences around the corner. Turns out that this particular sketch little place is where Myles stopped to buy the first bottle of wine. His rapport with the cashier came in handy as it was almost 1 AM and there was no way this guy could legally sell us anything. We walked out with a second bottle of wine anyway.

Myles was wearing these ridiculous slightly furry gloves. He’s totally a baby about the cold but his reason for buying these particular gloves killed me a little. Apperently they make him feel like Grover. As in the Muppet. And when I looked at him in confusion (seriously? Grover?) he goes, “Oh alright, Cookie Monster hands. Whatever your Muppet of choice is.” I was dying. I know he has a seven year old sister but still. Hilarious.

I am doing my damndest to just enjoy being friends with Myles but he makes it difficult. At one point we were randomly counting in different languages and Shahida and Myles counted to like thirty in French. I could not deal. His French accent is actually really good. All I could think about was JGL and how much hotter he is when he speaks French. I thought Myles’s English accent made him hot. OMG him speaking French killed me. He then started counting in German and I had to look away. I have never considered German in any way, shape, or form an attractive language. Thank you, Myles, for ruining that for me.

Penny was all crabby and sleepy so we kept telling her to go to bed, that we didn’t care, don’t stay up on our account, etc. All that did was piss her off some more. I’m almost dreading tonight. She did eventually go shower and then went to bed a little bit after that. I have no idea what time this was. My phone was MIA most of the night and I still don’t have a watch. The three of us continued to drink our bottle of wine and talk about nothing. We ate the Reese’s and Myles literally ate the entire thing in one go. Shahida and I just stared. It was actually kind of hilarious. Oh, and I’m wrong. I’ve been telling people he’s 6'2’’. He said last night that he’s 6'4’’. That makes him an entire foot taller than me (and an inch taller than David Tennant). Oh! He also learned that Shahida and I read/write fanfiction. You could see the comments he wanted to make written all over his face. Jerk. Shahida and I are very touchy-feely in general. If I lean my head on her shoulder she’ll pet my hair, if we’re laying on the couch she’ll usemy legs as a pillow, etc. Everytime we’d jokingly do something like that last nigh Myles would yell, “Make out!” and when we’d respond that we were way to sober for that he’d literally get up to get the bottle of wine. It’s nice to know the boy is still human and would enjoy something like that. I almost mentioned that when he responded to my list of fandoms with, “Torchwood is all gay porn and you know it.”

We decided to put on In Bruges because I’d never seen it and Myles sat in between Shahida and I, throwing a blanket over all three of our legs. Shahida and I finished out glasses of wine and then split the rest of Myles’s because he said he wasn’t going to finish his. Wuss. I’m not entirely sure what was going on in the movie besides Colin Firth (or was it Colin Farrell?) being adorable and Irish and Mad-Eye Moody enjoying culture but I was enjoying watching Myles smile and laugh soflty to himself the minute before something funny happened because he knew it was coming. I eventually couldn’t keep my eyes open and dozed off against his shoulder. Before I fell alseep I took a breathe and all I could smell was Myles. He legitimately doesn’t smell like any other guy I’ve smelt before, as creepy/weird as that sounds. Oooohh. I knew something was off. I just realised that the reason I notcied how he smelled was because he did smell different. He does have a cologne or whatever that he wears out normally but he wasn’t wearing it last night. Now it makes sense. Now I feel like less of a weirdo for noticing the way he smelled so acutely last night.

Shahida and I both had to be up early so we went to bed around 3 AM and left Myles on the couch. We got into bed and the boy had texted her with “hi” and nothing else. From the other room. The hilarious thing is that we’d just been talking about how much we missed talking to guys at night. Those phone calls that last four or five hours while you’re lying in bed with your eyes closed, where you talk about everything and nothing just to be closer to the person on the other end of the phone. We both kind of fell asleep as we were talking and then were woken up about an hour later by what was either their obnoxious next door neighbors coming home, Myles talking loudly to someone of the phone, or a combination of both. It was probably just her neighbors but someone sounded just like Myles and I was irriatingly angry. The bad thing is that I wasn’t mad I’d been woken up. I was mad that he was on the phone with someone at 4 AM and it wasn’t one of us. I literally couldn’t sleep I was so annoyed. I did eventually doze off by never fully and then woke up properly at 5:15 AM. Shahida rolled over and smacked me as she stretched and then we were both awake. I was so tired I couldn’t sleep. When her alarm went off at 8:30 I almost attacked the phone. So too fucking early.

I was slightly hungover but I think most of that is from not sleeping. I’m still in this fucking library and hating my life but I have about half hour left anf then I’m going home and sleeping forever. I don’t give a shit if my roommate and her boyfriend and still there. My room too bitches. I’m in the sort of mood where I wanted to curl up on the couch with Myles this morning and never leave. I once again had a good time counting the shirts left on the floor (well, chair this time) and realising through a process of emlimnation that there couldn’t be any left on his body if there were three different shirts taken off (seriously though, who is he Sheldon? Or the 10th Doctor I guess. God he needs to be less comparable to fictional characters I find attractive).

I’m not sure how much progress I’m making in getting over him but judging by the number of times I’ve said his name in this post I’m going to go with not very well.