#Look. Am I far enough into HS to meet this character? No

[april13th2009]

presented without comment

#Look. Am I far enough into HS to meet this character? No #Am I far enough in to know why Davekat is so popular? Also no #But I've seen enough fan content to know that these are both going to be Things #And my love of making probably unoriginal jokes is infinite #Adrien says stuff #homestuck #davekat #davepetasprite

[gunsatthaphan]

damn if we get the Jungle and Find yourself for real qe will have 5 shows airing at the same time😱

I am watching HS wich onestly I loved even tho it remind me of a trashy reality show form my country wich has a school where kinda problematic children go(they do it mostly to get clout tho) were there are strict teachers that punish them if they missbehave, especially with the food!

I am watching BMF wich I am enjoying a lot more than I thiught, it isn't the best but I will keep watching, tho I do have a bone to pic with the time traveling

Lonliness society I have yet to start it but it would be a good counterbalance for the heviness of HS

I am exited for the Joungle I wanna know what they do and after BBS×ATOTS NanonMix is a duo that I quite enjoy, also all the girls😍(I am more exited for them than the guys onestly)

I have to say I have no recollection what Find Yourself was about😅

I mean gmmtv usually has a show airing every day of the week so that's not unusual 😅

but yesss I really hope we're getting The Jungle soon, although they wrapped filming a while ago so I think it's coming!!! NanonMix is definitely a fun duo and I'm excited to see what dynamic they will have in this one! I wasn't sure about the plot when I saw the mock trailer for the first time but after rewatching it a few times and seeing all the bts content I'm actually really looking forward to it lol. Also yes to the girls!!! 😩 The cast is just A+ honestly and I can't wait to see them all again!

As I said I'm not sure about Home School, my issue is that it feels like a copy paste of shows like The Gifted and Blacklist and all that so they're gonna have to hit me with something significantly distinct to keep me holding on lol. But we shall see.

I agree about BMF; I don't wanna talk about it too much for obvious reasons but I do appreciate the effort they put into developing this plot and so far it's working very well and that includes the time travelling. I'm not feeling the GK-chemistry just yet but their characters are likeable enough for me to enjoy the show for the time being.

Loneliness Society is exactly what I thought it would be which is a classic boy-meets-girl-in-unusual-circumstances lakorn lol but like you said it's a nice counterbalance to the darker and more complicated stuff during the rest of the week 😅

Find Yourself is a remake of a Chinese series from 2020 and idk I think it looks interesting. Also Earth, Podd and Neen are in it so like,,,,, it's a no-brainer lmao.

xxx

#gmmtv #the jungle series #find yourself #cant believe im putting my hope in the str8s lmao but the bl market is letting me down #so until only friends airs #this will have to do lmao

[flowercrown-bard]

To give without knowing (19/20)

word count: 16k

AO3

previous /  masterpost

content warning: brief mention of blood

“You don’t have to play,” Geralt said, his brows drawn together in concern, but Jaskier made no move to put his lute back into her case that sat next to their bed. “You already made sure I got the coin for the basilisk. You don’t have to –“

“I know.” Jaskier looked up at Geralt, halting in his movements. “I don’t have to play for the coin, but…I still feel like I should play.” He hesitated. “You haven’t been able to listen to me play these past days and I wanted…that is, I don’t know if you’d even want to listen to me, but I would like it if you did.”

Geralt watched as Jaskier turned the pegs of the lute, despite rarely ever having to tune the elven instrument. Geralt put one of his hands above Jaskier’s, stilling the movement. The silence that came with the sudden absence of nervously plucked strings felt too big for their small room. Jaskier stared at Geralt’s hand, before slowly looking up at him with something soft and vulnerable flickering in his eyes.

“Of course I’d like to listen to you play.” He plucked Jaskier’s hand off the lute and turned it. Gently, he caressed Jaskier’s palm, where the hints of blisters could still be seen. They had healed a little with the ointment he had applied the day before, but Geralt couldn’t get the images of Jaskier’s hands, red and raw, out of his mind. “But I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“I’m not,” Jaskier said, his voice strong, though his hand trembled in Geralt’s. The evening light falling in through the small window, made his eyes gleam and his cheeks flush red. “I want to do this. I – I know it’s silly, but when you didn’t return form the basilisk hunt, I thought I’d never get to play for you again. I know it’s selfish of me, and I know I shouldn’t make this about me, but…you never got to hear the finished version of your song.”

Your song. Geralt’s.

There had been so many songs about him, his hunts, his accomplishments, his supposedly valiant character.

But there was only one song that was truly his. Not one of Jaskier’s songs about him, but the one he had written for him.

Geralt’s throat grew tight and he felt himself nodding, before his mind could conjure up any more arguments against Jaskier playing.

“If you are selfish, then so am I,” Geralt said. “I heard you- no, not you. My hallucination. I thought there had been music. I thought that would be the last thing I would hear. But it wasn’t yours, not really.” He pressed his lips together as his fingers slid from Jaskier’s palm to his wrist, right where he could feel his heart, that was beating unusually quickly. “I would love to hear you sing again. And I’m sure your audience would miss you if you didn’t play for them again.”

Jaskier’s pulse spiked beneath Geralt’s fingers. “My audience?”

Geralt rubbed a soothing circle into Jaskier’s skin. He had never seen Jaskier worried about performing for an audience before. His brows rose, as he realised what this meant.

“Am I the only one who ever heard that song?” He asked, his chest clenching when Jaskier nodded slowly. “Don’t worry. I know they’ll love it. I have only heard the unfinished version and it already was – “ so beautiful and meaningful that it did the impossible and made me fall even more in love with you. “-good. It would be wasted if I was the only one to ever hear it.”

A lie. A damned lie. Geralt wanted to be selfish. He wanted to keep the song for himself, but he knew he couldn’t. Jaskier might have shared it with him first and Geralt might have been foolish enough to ascribe more meaning to it than it had, but at his heart, Jaskier was still a performer and Geralt wasn’t a great audience. Not like the people who could watch Jaskier with starry eyes. People, in whose adoration and love Jaskier blossomed, so unlike the unwanted affection Geralt’s chest burst with.

“Come on then,” Geralt said and nudged Jaskier with a grin that felt wrong and stony. “Your audience is probably waiting to get wooed by you.”

“I thought I could – I wanted to…” Jaskier looked down, nervousness and a hint of disappointment, that Geralt didn’t understand, pouring off him. “Yes. Yes, of course. I’ll sing it downstairs. For an audience.” His voice sounded strangely flat, but when he rose his head again, determination and something unbearably fond shimmered in his eyes.

“You’re right. Let’s go downstairs,” Jaskier said. He slung the lute strap over his head and grabbed Winter from the night stand, holding it close to his chest. “I have a song to sing.” He hesitated, hs eyes flickering to Geralt’s, before darting away again as he echoed Geralt’s words, “And an audience to woo.”

--

It looked wrong, that wolf figure sitting at Jaskier’s feet where normally the wooden songbird would watch over his performance.

For once, Geralt wasn’t sitting in the far end of the taproom, but close enough to Jaskier that he could see all of him while he played. He didn’t know why Jaskier had asked him to come out of the shadows so that Jaskier could see him too, but he had followed the bard’s plea the second it had left his lips. It was uncomfortable, not being surrounded by shadows or sitting in a way that would give Geralt a view on the entire room, but if he was being honest with himself, it had been years since he had watched anything other than Jaskier while he performed anyway.

So now Geralt shifted in his seat, while Jaskier played a quick scale to warm up his fingers, before bending down again and making sure that the wolf figure sat there for all to see, as if it was a grand masterpiece. The care and pride with which Jaskier handled the figure made something warm and fuzzy blossom in Geralt’s chest.

More than one person gave the figure an admiring look and whenever someone commented on how lucky Jaskier was that he had found one of the fae-blessings, Jaskier’s chest swelled a little and his face glowed. Apparently, this was the first time anyone here saw the figure. The last one Jaskier still had, the only one not rotting in the woods somewhere. The one that had always meant more to Jaskier than the others. It was hard to believe that Jaskier hadn’t shown the figure around before. After all, with how proud he was of his carvings, Geralt would have assumed he had presented it before. Unless…Jaskier had traded the supposed fae-protection of him for protection of Geralt. Had the wolf sat next to Geralt’s bed all this time while he had recovered from the toxins?

He tried to catch Jaskier’s eyes to silently ask him that question that he already knew the answer to, but before their eyes could meet, someone interrupted Jaskier’s fidgeting with the wolf and demanded he should start playing already. It seemed Geralt hadn’t guessed incorrectly when he had said Jaskier’s audience would miss him.

Geralt could hear Jaskier’s heartbeat rabbiting, but Jaskier’s smile was even and blinding as ever, as he looked around the taproom until a hushed quiet fell over it. He took a deep breath and began to play.

The first note that left Jaskier’s lips trembled, like the first bird of spring singing while unsure if it really was time yet. Geralt held his breath when he saw Jaskier wince at the imperfection of his own voice, but then their eyes met and something seemed to come lose in Jaskier. He stood up straighter, his smile got warmer and his voice…his voice was no longer like a single songbird. He sounded like the stars shining above the coast. Like the feeling Geralt had gotten when he had shared the story of his first Roach. Like Jaskier standing before Geralt, a shield between him and the cruelty of humans.

Jaskier’s song sounded like trust and something that ran deeper than even that. Something that Geralt’s entire being burned to understand. What felt like a lifetime ago, Jaskier had asked him, if Geralt would be scared of feelings he didn’t understand. Back then, he might have thought that the answer had been yes. Now, he leaned closer to Jaskier, listening to every word, every break in his voice and everything his words didn’t say, desperate to understand what he knew was there, hidden underneath.

The words to the song were barely any different from last time Jaskier had sung it to him. It still spoke of the fae and their gifts. Of the figures bringing luck, but this time Jaskier mentioned how the luck had shown, when the bear he had found had brought him to Geralt.

He sang of how the figures meant that the gifter cared for him and for a moment his eyes flickered downwards to his hand. Jaskier never looked at his hands while he played. He didn’t need to see what they were doing to find the right place on the strings. But when Geralt looked more closely at Jaskier’s face, he found him smiling softly and still he sang of protection and care and healing. That last one had never been part of the stories about the fae that Jaskier had told Geralt. Why was Jaskier looking at his hands while singing about this?

His eyes snapped back up at Geralt and there was something in them, something important. Jaskier was begging Geralt to understand and Geralt was so close to doing so! The pieces were all there, laid out for him. All he had to do was reach out and grasp the truth, but his mind wasn’t working. Not when Jaskier was looking at him like this.

Not when he was singing about the carvings guiding him to the right way, only to describe places that Geralt remembered seeing with him. A lake shining in the colours of the setting sun. A grand market that was bustling with people and pretty things. The path to a small hut in which they had found shelter from a storm and a place for Roach to stay. Places that Geralt and Jaskier had been to together since Jaskier had found the first carving. But…surely Jaskier must know that the fae had nothing to do with any of these places? Geralt had been the one to take him to that market because Jaskier had been excited about it and Jaskier had been the one who had taken Geralt to that lake where they had spent the night. Why was he singing about those things in a song about the fae and their gifts?

All thought left Geralt, when Jaskier reached the last verse. The one he had dreaded and anticipated.

It was the verse in which Jaskier explained that the fae helped their favoured ones find true love within a year. From Jaskier’s lips, these words sounded like the sweetest promise and the cruellest trap.

Many months ago, Geralt had heard Jaskier speak of this part of the legend and since then, he had done his best to banish it from his memory. It hadn’t worked. Not when Jaskier kept singing about the person he loved, the one that Geralt knew would love him back and make him happy, once Jaskier confessed to them.

Geralt’s chest clenched, as he prepared himself for this song to mention blonde hair and a valiant character as well, but no such descriptions came. Jaskier just kept looking at Geralt, the determination from earlier having softened into something fond and vulnerably open.

Geralt wanted to stand up, to go over to Jaskier and cradle his head in his hands. He wanted to kiss these words off Jaskier’s lips and keep them in his chest where they burned like a wildfire.

He was not prepared for Jaskier begging the fae to let his love be returned. He was not prepared for the vulnerability in Jaskier’s eyes, the way his voice trembled and his fingers missed a note, making the lute give a dissonant twang.

Geralt felt like he was underwater. The world slowed around him and all sounds except for Jaskier’s song got muffled. He couldn’t breathe, could do nothing but watch hope and hurt chase each other in a complicated dance across Jaskier’s face.

This had gone on for too long. Geralt had taken it too far. His lies, his secrets, all of it. They hurt Jaskier too much. If Geralt truly loved him, then he couldn’t lie to him any longer.

And by the gods, he loved him. So much so, that this simple word that poets liked so much to use didn’t feel like enough. What Geralt felt was more than just this one word. It was sitting around campfires, it was singing and laughing. It was Jaskier seeking refuge in his arms during a storm and offering comfort after Geralt let go of Roach. It was carving animals just to see Jaskier smile. It was eyes crinkling at the sides and hands brushing and breath being taken away. It was…it was Jaskier.

Knowing him meant knowing this feeling. It meant loving him. In this moment, Geralt thought he knew Jaskier better than anyone else.

Knowing Jaskier meant loving him. And that meant, not being able to bear seeing him like this; so torn up about being unloved, about not being trusted with the truth.

The last note rang through the room and for a moment it was completely silent. Never before had Geralt seen a tavern go so quiet. The smell of salt filled the air and no one dared move in fear of breaking whatever spell had befallen them when Jaskier had sang his song.

Geralt barely paid any attention to them. He only had eyes for Jaskier who didn’t break eye contact. There was something between them, something that was either fragile enough to break with one wrong word, or strong enough to hold fast no matter what.

“Another song!”

The sudden shout made Geralt flinch. It was only when he threw a glare over his shoulder at the man who had demanded an encore, that he realised that he had looked away from Jaskier and broken whatever had been between them.

When he turned back, it was to Jaskier fiddling with his lute again. None of the patrons seemed to notice or care about his nervousness. More voices chimed in, demanding another song.

“Ah, my dear audience,” Jaskier began, his performer’s smile wavering and allowing a brief glimpse at the uncertainty behind the mask. “I’m afraid I don’t have any other polished songs that fit my mood for tonight.”

A noise of disappointment rumbled through the audience and Geralt could see the moment Jaskier’s resolve broke.

“I have one song,” he said, his eyes darting from Geralt to the wolf at his own feet. “I wrote it these past two days and it’s not finished yet. But I hope it doesn’t offend.”

He glanced at Geralt again, just long enough that Geralt got the feeling that Jaskier addressed him specifically, as if his opinion meant more to him than that of the audience he actually was performing for. Jaskier knew Geralt didn’t mind half-finished songs. Or he had never shown that he cared if Geralt was bothered or not, whenever Jaskier composed while walking next to him or repeating a line over and over until it felt right to him while Geralt sharpened his swords. Really, Jaskier should have no reason to worry about Geralt’s opinion.

Geralt tried to give him an encouraging nod, but he wasn’t sure if Jaskier registered it. He expected Jaskier to strum his lute again or pluck at the strings with nimble fingers, but instead Jaskier started hitting the body of his lute gently but firmly enough to create drumming.

When Jaskier started singing again, it didn’t sound like any of his usual songs. It wasn’t a sweet ballade, nor was it a roaring epic or cheeky ditty.

It was something else entirely. An easy and repetitive melody set to a steady and uncomplicated rhythm, not unlike the sea shanties Jaskier had learned from those seafarers at the coast. It was one of those songs meant to make work easier and entertain during a longwinded task.

Geralt’s brows drew together. What task did Jaskier have, to come up with such a song? He had assumed that Jaskier had spent all his time here performing or taking care of Geralt. With most of their supplies, including Jaskier’s books and notebooks, gone, there wasn’t much for Jaskier to entertain himself with. They had nothing but Jaskier’s lute, the medical supplies and Geralt’s weapons and Geralt seriously doubted Jaskier had chosen this time to steal Geralt’s knives and learn how to wield them for anything other than preparing a meal.

He shook his head to rid himself of his wandering thoughts and listened to Jaskier instead. It didn’t take him more than half a verse to realise what Jaskier was singing about. The rhythm might have made the song sound like a shanty, but the lyrics, so full of longing and deep-rooted feelings, left no doubt to what it truly was: a dirge.

He was remembering and mourning all the carvings he had lost. A bear broken. A friend staying with someone else. The others lost and gone, never to come back to him again.

Listening to this was like a punch in the gut, leaving Geralt breathless and with a throbbing pain inside of him. Having just heard about the joy the carvings used to bring Jaskier only made this worse.

Now, it made sense that Jaskier had been worried about Geralt being offended. Geralt was the reason why the figures were gone. If he hadn’t been so stupid to let himself get hurt during the hunt, if he had just kept his promise and made it back to Jaskier, this wouldn’t have happened. Jaskier wouldn’t have lost the one thing that had brought him so much joy over the past months. He had been able to find comfort in the carvings. He had held them close while sleeping, had stroked over the sanded down wood when he had needed to keep his hands occupied. He had loved those carvings. And Geralt, who had never meant for Jaskier to find any of them at first, was the one who had unwittingly taken them from him again.

His throat got dry and he gripped the edge of the table as tightly as he could. Jaskier hadn’t mentioned before how hard he took the loss of the figures, but it had hurt him so much that he had put it into song, even without his notebook to write down the words. Why hadn’t he been able to talk to Geralt about it? He couldn’t possibly think that Geralt would turn away from him because Jaskier blamed him for something he had done.

It felt like an iron chain was winding around Geralt’s chest and tightening until he couldn’t breathe anymore, when Jaskier’s voice softened.

“-but the wolf will still be mine.

Silently, afraid to splinter.

Mine to love and mine to hold.

Secretly, wood-heart of pine.

Not mine in winter

When it’s cold.”

The wolf, sat so innocently at Jaskier’s feet where the songbird should sit instead. It was wrong. It shouldn’t be the only carving Jaskier had left. Even Jaskier, who said he loved the wolf, sounded strained and afraid as he sang. He had trusted Geralt with the wolf once, but clearly not anymore. If the lyrics were any indication, he didn’t even expect to be able to keep the figure once winter arrived. Was he already imagining all the different ways in which Geralt could let him down and make him lose this last figure, this most precious one, too?

And why wouldn’t he imagine such things? Geralt had already betrayed his trust, had taken from Jaskier again and again. He had taken his touch, his smiles. And Geralt had so greedily taken the love Jaskier had for the gifts, though Jaskier had never known whom he was giving this love to. Now Jaskier’s touch must hurt Jaskier himself, with the blisters on his palms. His smiles must strain, now that the thing that had made him smile most often these past months was gone. And Jaskier’s love – well. Geralt had never truly had it in the first place, had he?

“Though I will still be his.

Not his to love, to long for, no.

But perhaps I’m his to miss,

As I will him, when I watch him go.”

Jaskier’s eyes bore into Geralt’s soul. Was this…this meant something. Jaskier’s songs always meant something and Geralt never understood. He knew he didn’t, but he needed to!

When I watch him go.

Was this Jaskier’s way of saying their time together was over? That he had finally realised that Geralt had taken more than Jaskier was willing to give? Just hours ago, Jaskier had allowed Geralt to dream about a future in which Geralt was allowed to visit him at Oxenfurt. Perhaps Essi had been wrong after all when she had said Jaskier wanted to stay with Geralt. But she had been so sure of herself and when Geralt had spoken about Oxenfurt, Jaskier had appeared to be excited. Geralt couldn’t have misread that…could he?

Maybe Geralt had gotten it all wrong and Jaskier was still talking about the wolf figure, still mourning a loss he hadn’t endured yet?

Geralt didn’t register the applause, didn’t hear the clatter of coins being tossed at Jaskier’s feet. To him, there was nothing but the burning gaze of the bard who might have already lost all faith in him.

He watched as though through a fog, how Jaskier collected the coin and strode over to him. Jaskier was clutching the strap of his lute as if it was protecting him, as if it was a barrier between him and Geralt.

“We should rent another room,” Geralt said, before Jaskier had the chance to open his mouth. “You don’t have to –“ he broke off, unable to say out loud how Jaskier wouldn’t be forced to spend another night with Geralt, if he didn’t want to. “With the coin from the contract I can afford to pay for a better room for you.”

The words tasted bitter in Geralt’s mouth. He didn’t look forward to staying in the small room by himself, but Jaskier shouldn’t have to stay in a place where it was impossible for him to put distance between them. As much as Geralt’s body ached to take Jaskier into his arms again and hold him as he had last night, there was no way Jaskier would want the same thing. Not now, that he had shown Geralt how disappointed and betrayed he felt by him. No, getting two rooms was for the best.

Jaskier blinked at him. “Oh…uh. I guess you’re right. The small room was a bit…cosy.” He shifted his weight and fiddled with a loose thread of his doublet. “I guess I’ll go ask the innkeeper for a new room then.”

Geralt watched Jaskier go, his heart sinking. He had known Jaskier would agree to his suggestion, of course, but a small part of him had hoped that Jaskier would at least put up a little resistance and say that he didn’t mind staying with Geralt.

When Jaskier came back, he waved a key at Geralt’s face, before pocketing it and gesturing to the stairs. “We better get our things.” His smile became a bit strained. “I wouldn’t want to lose any more of our stuff because we forgot to bring them to our new room.”

The guilt crashing into Geralt was too bitter for him to realise what exactly Jaskier had said. The words only caught up with him, when Jaskier pressed Geralt’s belongings into his hands, once they were in their small room and motioned for him to follow him again. Geralt did, though his brows were furrowed and his tongue burned with the question why Jaskier wanted Geralt’s stuff in his room as well.

It was only when Jaskier unlocked the door to his new room and ushered Geralt inside that he understood.

The room had two beds.

“Jaskier.” He turned to see Jaskier putting his lute gently on the table standing against one of the walls. “There are two beds.”

Jaskier winced a little and his hands nearly faltered on the lute. “Ah. Yes. There are,” he said, as if that explained anything.

Geralt’s heartbeat quickened and some of the tension eased out of his shoulders. This was Jaskier meeting him half-way. He might have agreed quickly to not sharing a small room with Geralt anymore, but he was still fine with sharing a sleeping space with him. Not all was lost. Now Geralt had to take the next step somehow.

When Geralt didn’t reply, Jaskier’s brows furrowed. “Is that…alright?”

It was more than Geralt had dared hope for.

“It’s alright,” he said softly. More than alright. Jaskier was giving him another chance and Geralt would do everything he could to not disappoint him again. He could still have that future visiting Jaskier and taking him with him again. He could still keep Jaskier close.

“So…” Jaskier began again with a smile that didn’t distract from the tension in his body. “What do you think about my songs?”

His voice held none of that cockiness or self-assuredness Jaskier usually had when talking about his performances.

Geralt’s jaw clenched as he tried to keep the guilt sweeping over him once more, at bay. “I think I understand them.”

“Oh?”

Geralt didn’t need to hear the skip in Jaskier’s heart or see the way he tensed up even more at his words. He had known as soon as Jaskier had started to sing about Geralt’s failures that he had nothing left to win. A small smile that must be an attempt at pacifying Geralt, lit up Jaskier’s face.

“I understand,” Geralt repeated. He swallowed and put as much sincerity in his expression as he could. “And I’m sorry.”

Something in Jaskier’s expression crumbled, the shards left by his smile as if fell, cutting deep into Geralt’s chest.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Jaskier said, the tremor in his voice betraying his lie. “I just… after finding you in the woods, I didn’t want to just keep going without having told you. We never have to talk about this again. It’s – it was a mistake.”

A mistake. Only one of many mistakes Geralt had made. How many more before Jaskier would have enough?

“I’ll fix this, I promise.” Geralt said firmly. He knew what he had to do. He would find the figures and bring them back to Jaskier, mend the heartbreak in Jaskier and hopefully fix what Geralt had broken between them with his lies and his carelessness that had taken too much from Jaskier. “I’ll leave tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Jaskier’s eyes went wide. “But… I thought…”

“I can’t wait until it gets colder,” Geralt said. He had never cared much for the carvings he left in the woods, but now he couldn’t help but wonder how long the wood would be able to withstand wind and weather before it started to rot.

“No, Geralt, you don’t have to go. Not so soon.” Jaskier’s voice was urgent and he spoke so fast that his words nearly slurred together. “I promise I won’t bring it up again. It’ll be just like before. We’re still friends, right?” His throat bobbed nervously. Quieter, he repeated, “Right?”

“Of course we are still friends.” Geralt looked away. There was too much hope in Jaskier’s eyes, too much trust. He didn’t deserve that trust. Not yet. Not until he had brought the carvings back. “But I don’t want things to go back to the way they have been.”

For too long, Jaskier had been hurting. He couldn’t go back to that. He couldn’t let this new loss fester in Jaskier’s heart and add to his doubts and pain. Geralt had to fix it and make sure Jaskier would be better than he had been before. He owed him this much.

“So you’re leaving.” Jaskier’s face was strangely devoid of emotion. “Without me.”

Geralt’s chest clenched painfully. With two long strides, he was by Jaskier’s side, tentatively reaching for his hand.

“I have to go alone,” he said apologetically. He couldn’t risk getting Jaskier’s hopes up only to shatter, in case Geralt failed. He would do what it took to get the figures back to Jaskier, but there was no telling how long it would take him. Three days had passed since Jaskier had brought him to this town. The trail they had left must have gone cold by now and Geralt had no way of knowing how exactly to get back to the abandoned camp. Knowing Jaskier, he wouldn’t know how to find his way back there either. No, Jaskier deserved to sleep in a warm bed and eat well-cooked meals until Geralt came back. He shouldn’t have to track through the forest in which bad memories waited for Jaskier, for who knew how long. Here, he would be able to live in comfort until Geralt returned and brought back Jaskier’s smile.

“The coin from the contract will pay for this room for at least a week,” Geralt said, placing the newly-filled coin pouch on the table next to the lute. “You’ll be safe and comfortable.”

“I’ll be alone.” The words were spoken so softly that even Geralt had trouble hearing them. There was no doubt they hadn’t been meant for his ears, and yet, Geralt’s stomach tightened when he heard them as if Jaskier had screamed them at him.

“I’ll fix this,” Geralt said again. “It might take me a while, so I can’t tell when I’ll be back. But I won’t let things continue as they are.”

Jaskier nodded dejectedly, his eyes wandering to the two beds. His lips pressed into a thin line and he looked like he struggled to decide whether or not to speak up again.

“Jaskier?” Geralt prodded gently, letting his thumb rub small circles into Jaskier’s hands.

“You should go to bed.” Jaskier pulled away from Geralt and turned his back to him, fiddling with the few belongings he had. “You shouldn’t be tired when you leave. I don’t want you to get hurt again. Not when I’m not there to take care of you.”

The nervous fluttering in Geralt’s heart softened. Jaskier was still looking out for him, even after he had messed up.

Geralt obliged him and got ready to go to bed. It should have been a luxury to have a bed all for himself, but it felt strangely cold and empty. He would have gladly exchanged his blanket for Jaskier’s weight as he lay on him.

He nearly asked. With his mind so focussed on how to make Jaskier feel better, he nearly crossed that line and asked Jaskier to join him in bed again, but when he rolled onto his side to face Jaskier, he found him still standing over his belongings, clothed and making no move to get to bed, though he rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands, clearly trying to keep the sleepiness at bay.

“Jaskier?” he asked into the darkness of the room.

“Sleep,” Jaskier replied quietly and his hands grabbed something out of his lute case and put it behind his back where Geralt couldn’t see. “I’ll just…I need to do something. I’ll be back. Goodnight.”

Without waiting for a reply, Jaskier hastened out of the room, leaving Geralt and the little bit of comfort and luxury he had wanted to provide Jaskier with.

He closed the door quietly behind him and yet the click of it rang in Geralt’s ear like a death sentence.

Geralt rolled back onto his other side, so he didn’t have to face the empty bed. He squeezed his eyes shut and did his best to calm his breathing and fall asleep as Jaskier had told him to. But the silence was too loud. Without Jaskier’s familiar tossing and turning, without his quiet breathing and heartbeat, his sleepy mumbles, the silence that remained was deafening.

He didn’t know how long he waited with bated breath and his hopeful heart beating too quickly, until finally the door creaked open again.

He could feel Jaskier’s eyes on the back of his head as he slipped back into the room and put the thing he had taken with him before back into his lute case.

He smelled like frustration and something else that Geralt knew he should recognise, but couldn’t discern under the heavy stench of Jaskier’s emotions.

“Jaskier?” Geralt turned his head just in time to see Jaskier flinch. “Are you alright?”

“I didn’t think you’d still be awake,” Jaskier said instead of answering. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

Geralt shook his head, a movement Jaskier should be able to see even in the dark.

“What’s wrong?” he asked again. “Is there something I can do?”

He was trying. Already, Geralt was trying as hard as he could. Tomorrow, he would go out to search for Jaskier’s happiness and bring it back to him, but for now, he was helpless, relying on Jaskier’s guidance on how to best help and comfort him. How to be a good friend to him.

Jaskier remained quiet for a long time. When he finally spoke again, it was too quickly and too loudly for it to have been anything other than a spontaneous loss of control.

“Can I still sleep in your bed? Just for tonight?” Jaskier swallowed audibly. “I mean, I understand if you don’t… but we’re still friends.”

Silently, Geralt lifted his blanket in invitation. Jaskier waited only for another heartbeat, before flinging himself into bed with Geralt, as if Geralt would take his invitation back if he wasn’t fast enough. Jaskier was still wearing his chemise and trousers. It couldn’t have been comfortable, but Jaskier sighed as if he didn’t even notice.

“Thank you,” Jaskier whispered. “For…for still wanting to be my friend.”

Geralt had no reply, no words to express how much it meant to him that Jaskier still considered him his friend after Geralt had disappointed him like that. Tentatively, he gathered Jaskier into his arms and pulled him closer, until Jaskier’s head came to rest on his chest. Immediately, Jaskier pressed closer against him. He tucked his head beneath Geralt’s chin and let out a small noise when Geralt started caressing his back and running his fingers through his hair.

Slowly, Jaskier relaxed and yet, Geralt’s heart felt heavy. He wished –

They never did this without reason. Every time Geralt had gotten to hold Jaskier in the night, it had been to offer or receive comfort or out of necessity. During the storm, when they had said goodbye to Roach, they had comforted each other. When Jaskier had almost drowned, they had clung to one another as a reminder that Jaskier was safe. The night before, they hadn’t had much of a choice when it came to sharing the bed and Jaskier had still been worried about Geralt. Now, it was once again Jaskier seeking comfort that Geralt was happy to offer in any way that he could.

Yet, his chest ached. He wanted to have this in a different way. Just once, he wanted to wake up entangled with Jaskier knowing that they had spent the night together simply because they wanted to. Because they were happy with each other and couldn’t imagine a better place than the other’s arms. No pain, no danger, no too small bed to push them together like this. Simply the fact that they were important to the other.

Maybe, once Geralt got the carvings back and Jaskier wasn’t hurt and frustrated with him anymore, he could ask him for that.

Tomorrow.

Geralt closed his eyes, as he listened to the soft noises Jaskier made as he drifted in his sleep.

Tomorrow, Geralt would end Jaskier’s doubts and bring back what he had lost. They were still friends now. If Jaskier still sought comfort in Geralt’s arms after how Geralt had let him down, then there was still a chance that he wouldn’t tell him to leave once Geralt confessed to all his lies and secrets.

He inhaled a deep breath and surrounded by the scent of Jaskier and wood, Geralt fell asleep.

--

The next morning brought no more lazy hours to waste in bed with Jaskier. As soon as the first rays of the sun climbed over the horizon and fell through the window into their room, Geralt steeled himself for the task ahead of him.

Carefully, so as not to wake Jaskier, he lifted Jaskier’s arm that was wrapped around Geralt’s waist in his sleep. Jaskier made a disgruntled noise when the bed dipped as Geralt shifted his weight and got up.

As silently as he could, Geralt put on his armour, yet the snapping of the clasps as he tightened them, was still loud enough to rouse Jaskier.

“Geralt?” he mumbled, still half-dazed from sleep. He blinked blearily, before suddenly his eyes opened wide and he sat up in a flash. “You’re leaving.”

Geralt nodded and tightened the straps of his armour. He hoped he wouldn’t need it, but he couldn’t risk not coming back to Jaskier a second time.

“Don’t tell me you were going to leave without saying goodbye.”

Geralt gave him a soft smile. “I wanted to let you sleep in. You went to bed so late last night.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Jaskier said, as he swung his legs out of the bed and ran his hands through his hair and down his chemise to straighten it. “I’ll go downstairs with you. If nothing else, you at least have to let me say goodbye to Roach.”

Geralt’s lips quirked up in amusement. Despite how cold the late-autumn air might be, Geralt’s chest was warmed from the care and easy affection Jaskier had for Geralt’s mare, going so far as to bid her farewell, even though they would only be gone for a couple of days, if everything went well.

Jaskier followed him to the stables, where he hugged Roach around the neck and didn’t complain even once when she started nibbling at his chemise.

Geralt pretended to be busy fastening Roach’s saddle and let Jaskier have his moment, but he couldn’t help but listen in, when Jaskier leaned closer to Roach’s ear and whispered, “Take care of him for me, will you? Don’t let him be lonely. And…bring him back to me. He promised to visit me in Oxenfurt. Make him keep that promise. Please.”

The warmth in Geralt’s chest spread into his fingertips and his expression was soft, when he turned to Jaskier again.

“Take care, Jaskier,” he said.

“You too.” Jaskier hesitated, before opening his arms a little. “Can I…?”

It took Geralt a moment to understand, but when he did, his heart skipped a beat and he opened his arms, mirroring Jaskier. A tentative smile appeared on Jaskier’s face, before he stepped closer and buried his face in Geralt’s chest, wrapping his arms tightly around him.

Geralt’s throat grew tight and he could do nothing but hold Jaskier close and make himself remember why he needed to leave or else he would never let go. Jaskier needed him to do this. He would be happier once he had his carvings back. Their friendship would be stronger for it.

Yet, standing here in the stable with Roach happily nudging Jaskier’s back as he clung to Geralt, it was hard to gather the strength to let go again and leave. Geralt wanted just a few more moments to savour this. He could allow himself that much.

Jaskier had never hugged Geralt goodbye before. He had been ready to give Eskel a hug after having known him for no more than a couple of hours, but he had never parted from Geralt by leaving him with the memory of how his arms felt around him. Safe. Warm. Like home.

Geralt hadn’t known he had longed to be send off like this. Before, whenever they had separated for a longer time, Geralt hadn’t been sure if he was allowed to hold Jaskier like this and all the short separations didn’t warrant a big farewell. And then, ever since the first time Jaskier had wrapped his arms around Geralt, they had been together. For nearly a year, they had spent every day together. It felt strange knowing that he wasn’t going to see Jaskier for the next couple of days. Jaskier must feel the unpleasant tug in his chest too, that came from the sudden split, however brief it may be, for he tightened his hold on Geralt.

It felt wrong, to have the ache of saying goodbye taint a hug like this. The few hugs and half-embraces they had shared before in broad daylight had been meant to say I’m here. For you. With you.

Geralt didn’t want Jaskier’s embrace to mean that he let him go. So he tried to pour everything he felt into the hug. A promise to come back, to not disappoint Jaskier again.

Jaskier let out a shaky laugh.

“I guess I was right all these months ago,” he said, voice muffled against Geralt’s neck. “You do give the best hugs. Bear hugs.”

Geralt’s hands wandered up to the back of Jaskier’s head, cradling it gently, as he was unable to pull him even closer.

“That was so long ago,” Geralt replied.

It had been back when Jaskier had still had Bumblebee. The first of Geralt’s carvings that had been lost to him. Even back then, it had been for the same reason as it was now: Jaskier’s carvings were sacrificed for Geralt.

He took a deep breath and pulled away.

“Goodbye, Jaskier,” Geralt said his voice thick with the overwhelming urge to right his wrongs.

He knew he couldn’t linger as he wanted to, or he would never leave and do what he needed to do.

Without so much as looking back at Jaskier, he swung himself onto Roach’s back.

The last thing he heard, nearly inaudible compared to the click-clack of Roach’s hooves was Jaskier’s whispered “Goodbye, Geralt.”

--

He missed Jaskier already. It had been no more than hours since Geralt had left him at the inn and yet, he found that there wasn’t a single moment that he didn’t spend thinking about Jaskier, about what he would say if he were here with him now.

As Geralt gathered sticks for a small campfire, he imagined Jaskier composing a little ditty to sing while he worked and as he lit it with Igni, he could practically hear Jaskier sigh contently and cheerfully announce how good it was to have a travel companion who could create fire just like that.

Geralt’s heart ached to hear his voice again, his footsteps behind him, his heartbeat. Anything.

And yet, as night fell and Geralt curled in on himself on the cold, hard ground with neither bedroll nor tent to shield him from the cold seeping into his bones, he was glad that he hadn’t surrendered to the begging of his heart and asked Jaskier to come with him. Though Geralt shivered from the cold and wished for nothing more than to have Jaskier’s warm body to hold, he knew that Jaskier deserved better than to be in these conditions. At best, he would have been uncomfortable, at the worst, he would have fallen ill in the middle of the woods from which it was a day’s ride to reach the town and a healer again.

No, it was good that Jaskier wasn’t with him, that he was comfortable at the inn. Perhaps he was performing right now, spending his hard earned coin on ale and a hearty meal, now that he didn’t need to pay for Geralt’s health as well. Maybe, while Geralt had trudged through the forest, keeping his eyes out for any sign of a trail he and Jaskier could have left when they had been here, Jaskier had strolled around town or talked to people who laughed at his jokes and admired his eloquence.

Whatever Jaskier was doing, it was better for him than being in the cold with Geralt.

And yet, selfishly, Geralt wondered if maybe Jaskier was looking at his wooden wolf and missing Geralt in the same way that Geralt was already missing Jaskier.

Geralt feel asleep alone and cold and begging for the next day to bring him to the abandoned camp so he could get back to Jaskier quickly.

--

A light drizzle turned into a downpour. With no cloak to keep him covered, Geralt was quickly drenched to the bones, but that wasn’t the worst part.

The trail had been near impossible to track before, but now with the water washing it away, there was no hope that there was any of it left still. Now, Geralt could only rely on guessing and luck to guide him to where he needed to be.

A sour taste filled Geralt’s mouth as he realised that the naïve estimation that he would be back with Jaskier in a couple of days wouldn’t be possible to achieve anymore. At the least, it would take him a week to find their belongings.

Still he trudged on.

Behind him, Roach snorted in protest when he pushed too hard and walked for too long.

“I know,” Geralt muttered as he eventually came to a halt and stroked down Roach’s neck. “We’ll get back to him soon. And then I’ll let him spoil you with as many treats as you like.”

--

He wanted to be back with Jaskier, wanted to pillow his head on Jaskier’s legs while Jaskier ran his fingers through Geralt’s hair and talked about everything and nothing, or maybe quietly read a book.

This unlikely fantasy was the only thing keeping him warm, as hours bled together and the fourth day away from Jaskier turned into the fifth.

--

Had this forest always been that huge? It had felt smaller with Jaskier there to tell him stories and softly sing to him. More than once was Geralt tempted to give up on his fruitless search and go back to Jaskier, his warm arms and warmer smiles.

Perhaps Jaskier would make a song out of Geralt’s search for the wooden animals he had never before cared so much about. But first, Geralt had to find them. For Jaskier.

--

A little more than a week without Jaskier was enough to make Geralt feel utterly miserable. He had no idea how he was going to make it through winter without Jaskier by his side.

--

Geralt brushed a low hanging branch to the side – and stopped dead in his tracks. His heartbeat spiked up and for a moment he was frozen where he stood, unable to believe his eyes.

But there is was: The camp he had been looking for. The bags with their supplies, Jaskier’s bedroll that he had clearly abandoned in a hurry.

Roach’s neighing behind him shook him out of his stupor and with hasty strides, he rushed over to the bags, rummaging through them until he found what he had come here for.

A crushing weight was lifted off his chest, when he finally held the figures in hand again. They were all there. In worse condition than when Geralt had last seen them and covered in mud and with dark spots, but they were there nonetheless.

A relieved breath escaped Geralt as he gathered them close and wiped off the traces of mud as best he could with one of his undershirts that he carelessly pulled from his newfound bag. Then he took out his hunting knife – the smaller knife had somehow disappeared, he must have lost it on the way here somehow – and started carving away the blemishes of the wood, until the figures looked less miserable. Jaskier would be able to see that they had been tempered with, but in this moment, it was more important that Geralt made sure that they didn’t look as if they had been abandoned.

Geralt had never cared much about that before. Countless other carvings were probably still rotting somewhere, unfound and uncared for. But these ones were Jaskier’s. They were important.

And when Geralt got them back to Jaskier, it wouldn’t make a difference if he could tell that Geralt had polished them up or not. Because Geralt would finally tell him.

His chest tightened at the thought, but with every second he spent fixing up the carvings, his resolve hardened. It was time.

Quickly, he gathered up anything salvageable – some of their clothes, the coin pouch, the pots and pans, the tent and thankfully Jaskier’s notebook – and fastened them onto Roach, who was already prancing nervously.

“Let’s go, Roach.” For the first time in a week, Geralt smiled again. “We’re going back to Jaskier.”

--

Geralt was spurning on Roach to gallop faster than she had in a long time. In the hand that didn’t hold the reins, he held the bag with the carvings, not willing to let them out of sight and risk even the chance of losing them again.

He barely paid attention to the way, trusting Roach to bring him back to Jaskier on the fastest route. His mind was too preoccupied with figuring out what he was going to tell Jaskier. For weeks, he had told himself to confess that he had been the one who had carved the animals, always waiting for the perfect moment, but not once had he actually tried to prepare the words he was going to say. And Jaskier would need words. Any other time, actions might have sufficed, but with something this important to Jaskier, Geralt could leave no doubt in Jaskier’s mind that Geralt hadn’t meant to deceive him out of malice or lack of care for him.

Yet as the town came into view on the horizon, Geralt was still no closer to having found the words and now that he was so close to Jaskier again, his mind wouldn’t stay focussed for long enough to come up with words to explain himself.

He was going to see Jaskier again and he was going to make him happy. For once, Geralt would be allowed to give him the gifts, he had made for him all along, openly. A twinge of dread stung in his stomach. The well-known fear of the rejection he had spent so much time anticipating.

There was still the possibility that Jaskier’s face would twist in disappointment and anger at his betrayal, but when Geralt had told him that he was going to do his best to fix what he had inadvertently broken, Jaskier had still considered him his friend and had said it with so much feeling, that it had ignited a hope stronger than his doubt in Geralt’s chest.

Jaskier might get angry at him, and rightfully so, but there was still hope that they would get past this.

For now, all that was important, was that Jaskier got his figures back and that Geralt could see him smile again as on the days he had found each of them.

When he reached the town, Geralt didn’t bother dismounting Roach, though he slowed her down as he rode through the streets. In front of the inn, Geralt jumped off, not bothering to bring her to the stables first. She knew better than to walk away and get lost in the town or let anyone steal her.

And Geralt had no time to waste. He threw open the doors to the inn, rushing through the pub room, ignoring the strange looks he received and sprinted up the stairs to their room.

He pushed against it – and found it locked.

Geralt’s brows drew together. It wasn’t unusual for Jaskier to lock the doors when he slept or had company – a habit he had developed while travelling with Geralt to either avoid danger or Geralt walking in on compromising situations – and it wasn’t unlikely that Jaskier was out and about in town at the moment. Yet, something prickled at the back of Geralt’s neck. A foreboding feeling, he couldn’t shake.  

“Jaskier?” he called, knocking against the door, while his other hand tightened around the bag with the carvings. “It’s me. I’m back.”

No reply.

Geralt’s frown deepened. Even pressing his ear against the wooden door, Geralt couldn’t hear a single sound coming from within the room. Not as much as a heartbeat. And something else was off. The usually inescapable scent of Jaskier wasn’t there. Not so much as a trace of it.

“Jaskier!” He called again, louder this time, though he already knew that he would get no reply.

Huffing and the creaking of floorboards made Geralt whirl around, half-expecting Jaskier to come running towards him. The hope that flared up in him disappeared just as quickly as it had come, when Geralt’s eyes fell on the maid who hastened towards him.

“Sir Witcher, I need to ask you to quiet down,” she said, avoiding his eyes. “The other guests are complaining already and-“

“Where’s Jaskier?” Geralt interrupted her, not wasting a single thought to how rude he might sound.

The girl’s eyes snapped up to him. Her brows knitted together for a second, before recognition flooded her face.

“Master Jaskier? The bard?”

Geralt nodded, his fingers twitching impatiently around the bag. “This is his room.”

“Ah, I’m sorry,” the maid said, a blush colouring her round cheeks. “But it’s not. Hasn’t been for about a week.”

Geralt’s blood turned to ice.

“What?” His voice was toneless and he knew his expression must be as hard as stone.

“He left. Not long after you did. I thought he had gone after you.”

“He didn’t.” Geralt hands clenched to fists helplessly. “I know when I’m being followed and I wasn’t.”

“Oh.” The maid’s blush deepened in embarrassment. “I guess that makes sense.”

“What do you mean?” Geralt didn’t intend for his voice to come out as a growl, but Jaskier was gone and he didn’t understand why. He had known Geralt would come back for him. So then why hadn’t he waited?

“He…I probably shouldn’t tell you this.” The maid fisted her hands into her skirts and played with the fabric nervously, not unlike how Jaskier sometimes played with the hem of his doublets. “But after you left, he stormed back to his room,” she nodded towards the door, “and got his lute. I thought he was going to perform again, which I thought was strange because it was so early still, but when I asked him about it, he said that he couldn’t stay here a moment longer. He…” she lowered her voice. “He didn’t look very happy.”

“What do you mean?” An abyss opened up in Geralt’s stomach, swallowing all the excitement he had built up when thinking about seeing Jaskier again.

“Well, his eyes were red and his voice was all,” she gestured vaguely, “as if he had been crying.”

Geralt’s heart sunk. He had known that Jaskier hadn’t been feeling well, that he was mourning the figures he had lost, but that had been why he had gone out there. So that Jaskier wouldn’t have to feel like that any longer. So that he would know that Geralt wouldn’t let him be miserable if there was anything he could do to help him. Jaskier had known that…hadn’t he?

He wouldn’t have just left without at least leaving a note, not after being so adamant about them being friends that he would even tell Roach to make sure Geralt kept his promise to visit him in Oxenfurt.

Oh.

Oh no. That was where he was going. But it wasn’t time yet. No merchant caravans that Jaskier could join for safety would head there for at least another month. What could have possibly driven Jaskier to head out on his own?

What, if not Geralt himself?

Geralt’s face must have shown the cracks in his heart, for the maid’s face scrunched up in concern.

“Sir Witcher?” she asked tentatively, but Geralt didn’t listen to her anymore. He stormed past her and down the stairs.

Jaskier was out there somewhere, had been for days. With no horse, no protection and no possessions but his lute and possibly some coin. It wasn’t safe for him. Even if monsters or bandits didn’t see him as easy prey, he would still have nothing to fight off the cold with.

Geralt needed to find him. Right now.

--

The urgency with which Geralt had ridden Roach before was nothing compared to now. He knew he was pushing her too hard, but he couldn’t slow down. The roads were too unsafe for a bard travelling on his own and a week was more than enough time for Jaskier to get hurt or lost.

Just as it had in the woods, the rain had washed away all tracks Jaskier had left, but at least Geralt had a direction to follow and a road that Jaskier must have taken.

At least until two days later he came to a crossroad and the road split into two smaller paths, one of which led in the direction of a forest.

Dread pooled in Geralt’s stomach. Silently, he begged with whoever was listening, that Jaskier hadn’t taken this path, but he already knew that his plea was useless. It was the path leading vaguely in the direction of Oxenfurt and Jaskier had never been good at calculating risks.

With his heart pounding in his chest, Geralt nudged Roach to follow the path. If he was lucky, he would get to Jaskier soon. Two days on horseback should be enough to catch up with a man, even if he had great endurance from being used to walking a lot.

It didn’t take long for the path to veer directly into the woods stretching out before Geralt. He gritted his teeth but pushed on. With every step Roach took, he was praying that Jaskier hadn’t been stupid enough to take this path, though he knew it was useless.

Jaskier’s scent hung in the air, faintly, but leaving no doubt that he had passed this place not long ago. A day ago at most, if Geralt had to guess.

Geralt’s only hope was that Jaskier had listened to him when he had tried to teach him basic survival skills. Jaskier had struggled with putting up the tent, but he knew which sticks to gather for a fire – except Jaskier had never had to light a fire himself. He had watched more than enough times how Geralt gutted a rabbit or other animal he had caught to make it edible – but Jaskier had neither a knife with him nor did he ever try to catch an animal himself.

Geralt cursed under his breath. He needed to hurry.

Had there been anything useful he had taught Jaskier in all these years? Anything at all that might make sure that he didn’t starve out there in the wild?

Water. That was always the first thing one needed to find. Last time Geralt had seen Jaskier, the bard hadn’t carried a waterskin or flask with him. If he wanted to drink, he’d have to veer off the path and find a body of water. The thought sent an unpleasant chill down his back. Too many dangers lurked in lakes and swamps.

Geralt sharpened his senses, taking note of any sign that Jaskier might have left the path.

There! Twigs that were broken in a way that made it unlikely that an animal had done it. Geralt followed the trail, his heart beating faster with every sign of Jaskier he found.

Footsteps.

More broken twigs.

Leaves that were shredded on the ground, doubtlessly something Jaskier had done to keep his hands occupied.

Finally, after another hour of trudging through the underbrush, Geralt found it. A pond in the middle of a clearing. He took in a deep breath and relief flooded his senses. Jaskier’s scent was stronger here. He must have been here recently and lingered for a while – not a surprise, considering he had likely been on the open road for days without a chance to drink much or wash himself.

Geralt’s shoulders dropped slightly and he felt himself relax, when he noted something else. Another scent, coppery and pungent. Blood.

“No.”

Geralt rushed forward, his mind refusing to understand. His eyes fell on something he had mistaken for twigs lying on the ground before. But it was something else. A makeshift fishing rod, the line of which was a thin strap of the same fabric Jaskier’s chemise had been made out of. It was snapped in half.

He kneeled down, picking up the halves with a trembling hand. It smelled like more blood and to the splintered ends hung a blueish-grey flap of skin. Drowner skin.

Geralt’s stomach churned and his grip on the rod became tight enough to nearly snap it again. He needed to breathe. To focus. To find Jaskier.

With more strength than he believed himself to have, Geralt pushed himself back to his feet. There were signs of struggle all around. Someone – Jaskier – had been dragged through the grass towards the water, but the tracks didn’t reach the pond.

When Geralt came closer, something glinted in the sparse light that shone through the canopy of leaves overhead. He furrowed his brows, but a wave of relief hit him when he recognised what it was. The small knife he had thought lost. Its blade was covered in the sickening smell of blood. Jaskier hadn’t been helpless, neither in a fight nor when it came to survival.

Geralt took another deep breath, this time, as his mind wasn’t clouded with overwhelming fear, he could find only mild traces of Jaskier’s blood in the air. Most of it came from the drowners that must have attacked him.

Geralt was just about to turn away from the pond to find where Jaskier could have run off to, when something caught his eye. Something was half-buried in the mud at the water’s edge. Perhaps something Jaskier had flung at the drowners as an improvised weapon?

Geralt didn’t know why he leaned closer. It wasn’t important what exactly Jaskier had used to fend off the drowners, the only thing that mattered was that he had gotten away. And yet, Geralt couldn’t tear his eyes away from the light brown object lying there, an eerie feeling creeping up at him as he stared at the one thing he had never dared to think he could be finding out here. He blinked, not comprehending, as his fingers touched the wood and pulled out a carved animal.

For a moment he thought it was the wolf – the figure that was more important to Jaskier than any of the others. The one that was meant to stay with him when Geralt was gone. The one thing beside his lute that could still offer him comfort –, but then Geralt looked closer.

This carving had none of the craftsmanship of someone who had been whittling for years. He could recognise a head and legs, but most importantly, he didn’t recognise it as anything he had made. This wasn’t one of the carvings he had given Jaskier.

His brows drew together and his grip tightened on the carving. He had to force himself to tear his eyes away from the impossible thing in his hand and focus on the scene of the fight again.

The signs of struggle turned into muddy footprints again, leaving away from the pond. Without hesitating a second longer, Geralt followed them.

Roach snorted in displeasure, when he led her through more rough terrain, but he couldn’t consider losing Jaskier’s trail for a more passable path. He was close! He could feel it, smell it in the scent that Jaskier had left, could hear it –

He could hear it. Jaskier.

It was faint, at first, far away. But it was unmistakably singing. Geralt wasn’t close enough to understand the words yet, but it was Jaskier’s voice.

Geralt didn’t think. He sprinted through the trees, trusting Roach to follow him on her own.

The singing grew louder the closer he got. Loud enough for Geralt to recognised the melody that had sent him off on his search for the carvings. The song of Jaskier’s heartbreak over the loss of his carvings.

Twigs snapped into Geralt’s face, tore at his hair, scratched his skin, but he didn’t care. Jaskier was here. He was safe. He was so close!

“But perhaps I’m his to miss

As I do him since I watched him go.

I’m yours, my wolf.

Oh tell me, please

Won’t you be mine?”

This was new. It was rawer than anything Jaskier had sung before. It was pure heartbreak.

The bushes parted before Geralt and his breath caught in his throat. There Jaskier was, sitting on the ground, knees drawn up to his chest and his hands he clutched the wolf figure. Scratches littered his face and arms where his doublet was torn, but there were no injuries bigger than bruises and scratches. He was breathing. His heart was beating. He was here.

“Jaskier.” Geralt breathed his name like a blessing.

Jaskier’s head snapped up to him, but before his expression could fully morph from shock to anything else, Geralt had run over to him and fallen to his knees before him.

“Geralt, what –“

He didn’t let him finish. He dropped what he was holding and just grabbed him by the shoulders, crushing him against his chest.

“You’re safe,” Geralt whispered in Jaskier’s hair, his hands roaming over every inch of Jaskier’s body they could reach. “You are alive.”

Jaskier tensed and his shuddering breath tickled Geralt’s neck. For a moment, Geralt thought Jaskier was going to push him away, but then he returned the embrace, pressing himself impossibly closer against Geralt, clutching the fabric of Geralt’s shirt desperately.

“What are you doing here, Geralt?”

Geralt pulled away again, but his hands didn’t leave Jaskier. They wandered up his back and over his shoulders until he was cupping Jaskier’s face tenderly. His eyes raked over the small cuts in his skin.

A crease formed between Geralt’s brows. “Searching for you. When I came back to the inn and you weren’t there, I thought – why did you leave?”

Jaskier’s eyes darted between Geralt’s.

“I- You left. We were talking about separating for winter and then I messed up and I thought… I thought this was it. I had finally been too much.” He hesitated. “Haven’t I?”

“Jaskier,” Geralt said softly. “How could you be too much? How could you think I’d ever just leave you?”

Jaskier swallowed, his gaze dropping to the ground. “You heard my song. I didn’t mean to tell you like that. Not in front of all those people. But…I knew that if I did it close to winter and you rejected me, you’d be able to put distance between us easily.” He closed his eyes and placed his hand that wasn’t still holding Winter, over Geralt’s wrist and gently pulled it away from his face.

“And I was right, wasn’t I?” Jaskier’s flickering smile didn’t reach his eyes. “You were clearly uncomfortable with how I felt and then you left. What else was I to think?”  

Geralt’s frown deepened in confusion, but he made sure his voice was soft and soothing, when he said, “I wouldn’t leave you because you were angry at me. I understand how you felt and – that is, unless you want me to leave?” Sudden uncertainty seized Geralt. “If you want to be away from me, that’s alright. Just let me get you to Oxenfurt safely first.”

“No!” Jaskier’s grip on his wrist tightened. “Don’t. If you don’t want to leave, then don’t.” Something shifted in his expression.

Geralt nodded slowly. “Then I won’t. I always meant to come back for you. I told you, I just needed to fix what I had broken.”

He let his thumb caress Jaskier’s cheek one last time, before pulling away and reaching for the bag with the carvings he had carelessly dropped before.

“I couldn’t let you be alone for winter without your carvings.” Without something to remember me by. “I had to get them back for you.”

Jaskier’s eyes widened. A disbelieving smile stretched his lips.

“You did that? For me?”

Geralt swallowed thickly. “Always for you.”

Slowly, Jaskier let go of Geralt’s wrist and reached for the bag, but just before he could touch it, Geralt brought it closer to his chest again, pulling it out of reach from Jaskier.

“Wait,” he said quickly.

“What’s wrong?”

Geralt’s mouth went dry and his throat grew tight. “I…There’s something I need to tell you first.”

He could hear Jaskier’s breath hitch and his heart speed up.

“What is it?” Jaskier nearly whispered, leaning closer to Geralt.

“I’ve been lying to you.” Geralt forced the words past his lips, despite a year of doubts and fears screaming at him to just shut up. “I’m sorry. I never meant for it to go this far. I never meant for this to break your heart.”

“Geralt…”

“I made them,” he blurted out, squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn’t bear look at Jaskier as he confessed to his lies. Couldn’t see the disappointment and betrayal in his eyes. “The carvings. They are mine. I didn’t…I couldn’t ruin your belief in the fae and they made you so happy. I know I should have told you right away but…I just couldn’t. I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. “The figures were never supposed to mean anything. They were just something I made and left and forgot about. And then you found the bear and…and you gave it meaning. And every single figure that came after it seemed to mean more to you and I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t…I didn’t know how not to break your heart.”

A soft hand touched Geralt’s atop of the bag he was gripping tightly and softly caressed his knuckles until ever so slowly, some of the tension eased away.

“Geralt?” Jaskier asked. “Can you look at me?”

That was all Jaskier had wanted. He had said it at the coast. He wanted the fae to look him in the eyes and tell him why. The reason was already at the tip of Geralt’s tongue. Another confession ready to hang between them. But when Geralt opened his eyes, his words got stuck in his throat.

Jaskier wasn’t looking at him with contempt. No trace of anger was etched into his skin. Yet his eyes were glistening with tears.

Geralt’s heart clenched painfully. He wanted to reach out, to hold Jaskier close, to make this better.

But he was the reason why tears threatened to spill from Jaskier’s eyes, why he had left on his own to go to Oxenfurt without protection, why he had lost the trust that people could want to stay with him.

“Jaskier-“

“I had hoped it was you.” The corner of Jaskier’s lips tugged upwards into a weak smile. “For such a long time I had wanted it to be you and then when you gave me the wolf, I had known for sure, but I hadn’t known why.”

“You knew?” Geralt blinked, unable to understand. “But – how? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because you didn’t. Because as long as I didn’t ask you why you kept making the figures, I wouldn’t have to hear you say that there was no meaning to them, that I just got them because you had nothing better to do with them. At first I thought you were afraid of telling me, so I tried to tell you that it was alright, that you could trust me with this. But when you still didn’t say anything…I became the one who was afraid.” He added the last part quietly, his voice barely more than a breath.

Geralt’s mind was racing. It didn’t make sense. “You still took them. You knew they weren’t from the fae and you still accepted them.” He let out a sharp breath, his eyes searching Jaskier’s face for something to help him understand. “You knew they came from me and they still made you happy?”

A short, disbelieving laugh escaped Jaskier. “Of course. Why did you think they meant so much to me? When I still thought they came from the fae, they were special. A novelty. Everyone wanted to find one. But a gift from you? Geralt, there is nothing that could be more meaningful to me.”

Geralt’s heart fluttered. “I didn’t know – I wanted to tell you. When I was hallucinating. I’m not even sure you were really there, but I wanted you to know.”

“I was there.” A shadow flashed through Jaskier’s eyes. “I didn’t want you to tell me then. Not if it wasn’t really your choice. With the toxins…I didn’t want to break your trust by letting you tell me without having control over it.”

“You deserved to know. If I had died without telling you-“

Jaskier winced. “Don’t. I know. That’s what I kept thinking about while you were unconscious. What if you died and I never got to tell you?” He hesitated. “That’s why I started – but it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Started what?”

Jaskier avoided Geralt’s eyes and his fingers on Geralt’s hands twitched nervously, but he didn’t let go.

“It doesn’t matter,” he repeated. “I lost it anyway.”

Geralt furrowed his brow as he searched Jaskier’s face, trying to understand. What had Jaskier lost? Geralt had brought back everything important to Jaskier from camp. His notebook, his clothes, the carvings…

Geralt’s gaze dropped to the carving he had found at the pond, lying innocently in the grass next to them. His eyes went wide.

As if in a trance, he reached out for it, lifted it to his face to examine it closer. He could feel Jaskier’s eyes on him as he ran his thumb over the unevenly carved wood. Jaskier hadn’t taken Geralt’s knife to help him survive, had he?

“It’s not as good as the ones you made,” Jaskier said quietly, shrugging in a vain attempt to appear nonchalant. “I didn’t really know what I was doing.”

Geralt turned the animal over. Four legs, one of which was cracked, while another was broken off. A tail that looked a bit lumpy, a head that was misshapen and the proportions were all off.

Still, it was unmistakably a horse.

Geralt’s lips twitched as he looked up at Jaskier again, unable and unwilling to hide the wonder and affection in his expression.

“Roach?”

Red heat rose in Jaskier’s cheeks as he nodded. “It’s not finished yet. I wanted it to look better and I thought I’d have more time. And then, when I had missed my chance, I stopped working on it.”

“More time before what?” Didn’t Jaskier have all the time in the world? Surely, once he had reached Oxenfurt, Jaskier would have found time between lectures to continue working. There would have been no rush to finish it.

Jaskier looked at him with an unreadable expression and his voice was small, when he finally answered.

“Before you left.”

Joke, you know it would break Roach’s heart if I left you.

“Did you want my help? I can…if you wanted to, I could still teach you how to whittle.” Geralt remembered vividly how lost and frustrated he had felt, when he had first started woodcarving. If possible, the bird that had been his first attempt at whittling had looked even more misshapen than the horse he was now holding. Not to mention the blisters Geralt had gotten from whittling that had made it uncomfortable to hold his sword and –

Geralt froze. Slowly, he let go of the bag with the carvings and turned his hand so that he was now holding Jaskier’s. He turned it until he could see Jaskier’s palms.

“You hurt yourself,” Geralt said, rubbing small circles into Jaskier’s wrist. “The blisters, your wrists…that didn’t come from playing the lute too much, did it?”

Jaskier shook his head silently. Something twisted painfully in Geralt’s chest.

“But why? If it hurt you, why did you keep working on it?” Geralt faltered. “Is it because I stopped making them after we went to the coast?” He gave Jaskier’s hand a light squeeze. “I can still make you another one. If you want a horse, I can make one. Or…or a rabbit. Or a squirrel. Any animal you want.” He swallowed and dropped his gaze to the bag in his lap that Jaskier hadn’t taken from him yet. “That is, if you still want to have the carvings I made.” After Geralt hurt him enough to leave all on his own, he wouldn’t be surprised if the gifts had soured for Jaskier. “But please, don’t hurt yourself.”

Jaskier let out a choked noise and his fingers twitched again. “You don’t need to give me things, Geralt. We’ve been over this.” He let out a small noise that could have been a laugh. “You gave me a stick once and it meant the world to me. Besides.” His tongue darted out to wet his lips nervously, “I didn’t make the horse for myself. I know it’s not good enough to give it away, which is why I kept it, but the horse was never mine to keep.”

“Oh.”

Geralt’s heart dropped. Of course. How could he have forgotten. Jaskier still had someone out there, someone whom he wanted to give gifts too. Geralt’s chest cramped up at the thought of Jaskier gifting his beloved the same thing that Geralt had given to Jaskier when he had had no words to make Jaskier smile.

And still. If this would guarantee Jaskier’s happiness…

“I would still do it,” Geralt said quietly, the words tasting like razor blades on his tongue. “If you want the horse to be a gift, I will still help you.”

Jaskier gave him a crooked smile. He hesitated, but then he took his free hand and closed used it to close Geralt’s fingers around the horse.

“That would defeat the purpose, don’t you think? Working on your own gift.”

“My own…” Geralt’s eyes went wide and his treacherous heart skipped a beat. Jaskier couldn’t possibly mean what Geralt’s foolish heart thought he meant.

“It’s for you,” Jaskier said softly and let go of Geralt again. “I know it’s not beautiful or useful and it would probably take up space you need for other things, but if you want it, it’s yours.”

Mine.

Geralt’s breath got caught in his throat. For a long moment, he couldn’t tear his eyes off Jaskier, but then he looked back down at the wooden horse in his hand. It was imperfect and, as Jaskier had said, far from beautiful. Geralt had no need for carvings or trinkets. There was no use for them and if this had been one of the carvings Geralt had made himself, he would have had no qualms, leaving it in the woods.

But this was from Jaskier. He had made it for him. The little lumpy horse with the missing leg and strangely proportioned head was the most beautiful and precious thing Geralt had ever owned.

A lump formed in his throat and his eyes started burning.

“Why?” His voice was raspy and bordering on desperate. There was so much more that he wanted to say, to ask, but this was all he could get out before his throat closed off again.

Jaskier shifted his weight and pulled his shoulders up a little.

“You have given me all those beautiful carvings. So many gifts to remember you by and yet you had nothing from me. I wanted you to have something of mine when you left. So that maybe in winter, you could look at it and think of me.”

Geralt opened his mouth to protest, to say that he didn’t need any reminder of Jaskier, that not an hour went by without Geralt thinking about the way his laugh sounded, his touch felt or his eyes looked. But before a single word could leave his lips, Jaskier continued.

“When I found you in the woods, I thought I had missed my chance to tell you how important you are to me. I needed you to have something to remind you of that. I thought that if I gave you something I had carved, you wouldn’t feel like you had to hide anymore that you had been the one to give me the gifts. And I hoped that maybe – no, it’s stupid. Forget it.”

“Jaskier-“

“No, you were right. I gave the carvings more meaning than they had. I shouldn’t have. Maybe it would have been better if I hadn’t made them mean so much to me.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Geralt said in a voice so sincere that Jaskier’s big eyes got even wider.

“Then what did you mean?”

“The carvings I made before you found the bear didn’t mean anything. But once I started making them for you, it was impossible for them to be meaningless anymore. You mean too much to me for them to mean nothing.”

Geralt hesitated. His heart felt like it was beating out of his chest and he wanted to hide. To turn tail and not bare this last secret of his heart to Jaskier.

But this was what Jaskier had wanted. The truth. The one thing he had asked for that Geralt had refused to give him. Until now.

Taking one last deep breath, Geralt let go of Jaskier’s hand and reached into the bag instead, pulling out the first of the gifts he had made with Jaskier in mind.

He held the bird up for Jaskier to take. “I know I don’t say it nearly often enough, but you have the most beautiful singing voice. Your songs make being on the Path so much easier. Not only the ones you sing in taverns to change my reputation, but all of them. Hearing you sing to yourself while you search for firewood, listening to you senselessly serenade Roach to bribe her, seeing you deep in thought, plucking away at your lute. All of it. The Path was always quiet before you. The only thing I listened for, was whether there was danger nearby. You gave me something else to listen to. Something soft and beautiful.”

“Geralt…” Jaskier’s lips moved silently, as if he couldn’t find his words, while for once Geralt was the one who couldn’t stop his own words from tumbling from his lips, despite not having known exactly he had wanted to say until he had opened his mouth.

“We don’t have Friend anymore,” Geralt continued, before Jaskier could find his words again or courage forsook Geralt, “but that is what you are. The best friend I could ever ask for. The first friend I had made since Blaviken and the only one who stayed with me for as long as you have, despite what you have seen of me. You are…warm and soft and so full of comfort. I don’t know if this is too much to say, but to me, you are family.”

The pungent smell of salt pierced Geralt’s nose and when he looked at Jaskier in alarm, Jaskier was blinking furiously.

“Jask,” Geralt began uncertainly. “Are you alright? I…I’m sorry, if I said anything wrong. I can stop. I’m sorry-“

“Don’t stop,” Jaskier said. HIs voice sounded choked, but his hand shot forth to take the songbird out of Geralt’s hand and cradle it against his chest. “Please don’t stop.”

Geralt hesitated for a heartbeat longer, uncertain despite Jaskier’s words, whether he was hurting him again somehow. Then he swallowed thickly and nodded.

He searched for the next carving, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips when he found it and sat it down in front of Jaskier.

“I don’t know if you remember, because you were quite drunk when I told you, but I haven’t been able to pet a cat since becoming a witcher.”

Jaskier nodded and rubbed his hand across his eyes.

“When I told you back then, you gave me the sheep to hold instead. Because that’s something that had always made you happy.” A fondness welled up in Geralt at the memory. “You make me happy, Jaskier. I am alright with knowing that I won’t ever pet a cat and I was fine knowing that I would never find someone like you either. But you’re here. You’re always here. You give me so much. You make me want something – someone – I never thought I could have. You make me want and need you.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“It’s the best thing.”

A choked noise escaped Jaskier and he turned his face away, but not fast enough to hide the tear that rolled down his cheek. Without thinking, Geralt brushed it away, letting his hand linger on Jaskier’s cheek until his hitched breathing got back under control. Jaskier leaned into the touch with closed eyes, letting Geralt caress his cheek with his thumb and wipe away any tears that escaped Jaskier.

When Geralt made no move to speak up again, Jaskier opened his eyes again and with a watery but bright smile said, “The snake is next, isn’t it?”

Geralt snorted. “I still can’t believe you didn’t just throw it away.”

When Jaskier lifted his chin in defiance, Geralt shook his head fondly and pulled the stick out of the back and held it up to Jaskier, who snatched it out of his grip, immediately.

“Of course I didn’t throw it away. You gave it to me.”

“Anybody else would have discarded it. They wouldn’t have bothered to accept it in the first place. It’s just a stick. Nothing special. It’s just making your bag dirty and it’s not beautiful.” Geralt couldn’t stop his expression from softening. “But you still kept it. Thank you, Jaskier. For not casting me aside.”

“You didn’t cast me aside either,” Jaskier said tentatively. “I’m sorry for thinking you did.”

“Don’t be.” Geralt gave him a soft smile, though his stomach twisted when the tears kept streaming down Jaskier’s face.

For a moment, he watched helplessly, as Jaskier tried to stop the tears and wipe them away with his sleeve, before he pulled out the next carving. The fish.

“I guess we have a matching set now,” Geralt said with a lopsided smirk and lifted the horse in his other hand.

Jaskier let out a watery laugh that made Geralt’s chest warm from the inside.

“I never told anyone but Eskel about why I call all my horses Roach. You listened. You always do, even if I don’t say anything with words.”

Jaskier sniffled. “I’m not always good at listening.” Pointedly, he looked at the trees surrounding them. “If I was, we wouldn’t be here now.”

Geralt let out a low hum. “Maybe not. But I don’t mind being here with you. And you still hear more than I can say with words. You…you pay attention. There are not many people who would bother to learn what I mean or even listen to a witcher. I negotiate contracts and pay and for most people that is it. They don’t care about what else I have to say. And then there’s you. You keep needling me about details of my hunts and ask me for my opinion on your songs as if it mattered – “

“It does,” Jaskier interrupted him. “Of course your opinion is important.”

“It is to you,” Geralt relented quietly. “You have no idea how special that is to me. I know I still don’t talk much often, but you make me feel like I can try. I’m not a poet. I know my words aren’t as good as what other people can say to you. I can’t speak in verse or compare you to the sun or moon.”

Jaskier’s tear-streaked smile was like the sun bursting through a rain cloud. “I like the words you’re saying right now.” There was a hint of teasing in his tone, but it was overshadowed by the sincerity that gave it weight.

Geralt’s chest grew even tighter and he grinned when he pulled out the last carving, the fox that reminded Geralt of a night spent under the stars. Of Jaskier leaning against him and being happy to receive a gift, even though he had known that Geralt had lied to him about having found the fox figure. And it was a reminder of Jaskier crumbling before him, devastated and thinking that he wasn’t trusted enough to be told the truth. That he wasn’t important enough to Geralt.

Geralt placed the fox in front of Jaskier like a sacrifice. Jaskier’s eyes followed the movement and remained on the figure, a small smile dancing around his lips.

Without the figures, Geralt’s hand felt strangely empty. Without thinking, he took Jaskier’s chin in his hand and tilted his head up until their eyes met again.

“My little fox,” he whispered. “You’re beautiful.”

He heard Jaskier’s breath hitch and Geralt’s thumb caressed Jaskier’s chin, brushing lightly against his bottom lip.

“Beautiful,” he repeated. Panic overcame Geralt, when Jaskier’s chin began to wobble again and he squeezed his eyes shut to prevent more tears from falling. He didn’t know what to do, how to make Jaskier stop crying.  Helplessly, he grasped the first thing that came to mind. With a lopsided grin, he added, “One might even say you’re roguishly handsome.”

A laugh bubbled up in Jaskier that soothed the panic in Geralt.

“Oh?” Jaskier said, the teasing now obvious and when he opened his eyes again, they were glinting with mischief rather than tears. “What else could you call me?”

Geralt’s lips twitched and he groaned in a mockery of annoyance. “Don’t make me say it,” he begged, already knowing full well that he was going to repeat the ridiculous word Jaskier had described himself with at the coast.

“Make you say what?” Jaskier asked with false innocence.

Geralt narrowed his eyes at him and when Jaskier only lifted a brow, he let out a sigh and relented.

“Fine. You’re foxy. Happy now?”

“Very,” Something in the way his eyes softened as he said it, made Geralt think that he didn’t only mean his triumph about getting Geralt to call him that.

“You are?” Geralt asked again, uncertain if he hadn’t misunderstood. “Happy? With me here. Despite…despite me having lied to you and made you believe that I had left you?”

“You came back,” Jaskier said as if that explained everything, leaning into Geralt’s touch. His eyes drifted down to the carvings sitting between them, each one with their own precious meaning hanging in the air. “And you gave me the most wonderful gift.”

“I’ll always come back. You – I always thought that I couldn’t have anyone with me. That having someone worth coming back to was dangerous.” When Jaskier’s brows pinched together and he opened his mouth to protest, Geralt continued quickly. “And it is, but you make it worth it. You make me want to be more than what they taught me to be at Kaer Morhen or what other people see in me.” He let go of Jaskier’s chin and as his hand sunk back down, it hovered for just a moment above Jaskier’s heart. “You make me want to be the person you see in me.” He swallowed thickly and dropped his hand back into his lap where it clenched and unclenched. “Because of you. It’s always been because of you.”

He didn’t know what exactly he was referring to. Everything. For years, everything he had done had been influenced by Jaskier, by what would make him feel safe or make him smile. By what would make him want to stay with Geralt.

“I know this,” Geralt gestured to the carvings, “isn’t much. Others can give you more and you deserve more than gifts from a witcher, but it is all I can give to you.”

Jaskier’s shoulders moved as another sob shook him, or perhaps it was a watery laugh.

“Geralt,” he said, with disbelief and unbearable fondness written on his face. “How could you think I’d ever want anything from you but you?”

Geralt’s heart sped up as hope welled up in his chest. “So you’re not leaving for Oxenfurt? You’ll still travel with me for a bit?”

“For as long as you’ll have me. I thought I had made myself clear with my song, but evidently I have been wrong.” Jaskier placed a hand above Geralt’s hand holding onto the horse carving. “Do you understand the carving, then?”

Geralt mouth went dry as Jaskier’s thumb caressed his knuckles.

“I think I’m starting to understand. Or maybe I’m just hoping.” His eyes followed the movement of Jaskier’s thumb, then he looked back up and met Jaskier’s gaze. There was a depth to the fondness in Jaskier’s eyes that Geralt had never allowed himself before to think it could be for him. “Explain it to me?”

Jaskier’s lips twitched up. “It’s a horse because you love Roach. I wanted you to have something of mine that you could love. And…” He hesitated, his eyes searching Geralt’s face. One last moment of doubt for the both of them, but for once, Geralt was the brave man of Jaskier’s songs and let everything he felt show on his face for Jaskier to see, “you know what the legend says. He, who finds the fae’s gifts will find their love within a year.”

“Even if that myth were real,” Geralt said with deliberate slowness, so that there was no doubt Jaskier could understand him, “I wouldn’t need the fae’s favour. I have already found the one I love.” His smile became crooked. “Though I suppose, the carving has led me to him.”

When Jaskier let out a shuddering breath, Geralt asked carefully, “What about you? You found the first carving months ago. You still have time before your year is up.”

“I still have the winter months to get my love,” Jaskier agreed with a faint smile, “but I’m afraid I won’t be seeing him in those months. He has the habit of leaving me for the winter.”

The glimmer of hope flared up in Geralt’s chest, turning into a blazing fire, just shy of becoming a certainty, but enough to give him the bravery he had lacked for so long.

“If you were to come with me to Kaer Morhen, you’d still have those months. Will that be enough to find your love?”

“I found it years ago,” Jaskier lifted Geralt’s hand, despite the horse still clutched in it and brought it to his lips. The light press of Jaskier’s lips against his knuckles sent a pleasant shiver up Geralt’s spine. Jaskier’s lips brushed once more against Geralt’s skin, when he began to sing, while keeping his gaze locked on Geralt’s eyes. “I’m yours, my wolf. Oh tell me, please. Won’t you be mine?”

His free hand trembled, as it came up to touch Jaskier’s face once more. “I never told you what the wolf carving meant, did I?”

He leaned in closer to Jaskier, their breaths almost mingling.

“What does it mean then?” Jaskier asked. He was so close, Geralt could almost imagine feeling his lips against his own.

It meant everything. It meant that Jaskier was part of Geralt’s family. It meant that when Geralt was with Jaskier, he felt like he truly belonged. It meant that Jaskier was his home.

“It means that I’m yours,” Geralt rasped.

Jaskier let out a small gasp, leaning impossibly closer, but still not touching.

“Geralt?”

“Yes?”

“You know I don’t need you to give me things, but…can I ask one more thing of you?”

“What do you want?”

Jaskier’s eyes fluttered close. “Your heart.”

“You have it. Can I give you something else too?”

Jaskier gave the smallest nod. And Geralt closed the gap between them and gave Jaskier a kiss.

---

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#wood carving #geraskier #geraltxjaskier #fic #witcher #the witcher #fanfic #my writing #geralt #jaskier

[krysyuy]

I continue to love Flower of Evil! There’s a lot going on in Episode 4, so let’s dive in. Oh, and I’ll be alternating between using Hyun Soo and Hee Sung, so apologies in advance if it confuses anyone. While the majority of the episode is focused on the chase for Hyun Soo, we still manage to get some crumbs about the Baek family. Me, every time with their scenes:

I keep saying this, but I’m so curious about this storyline!! What happened that the parents felt the need to have someone impersonate their son while he’s in a coma? I’m leaning more towards them being responsible for whatever happened… Unless their son did something so awful, they decided to cover it up thoroughly and completely in order not to lose face. Though Baek Man Woo (the father) seemed to treat his son with care. Whatever happened, they went to great lengths to conceal their secret. They even have a mute maid, though I don’t know how much that would discourage her from “talking” if/when push comes to shove later. We see that original!Hee Sung was quite the math whiz. So the only concrete fact we have about him (aside from the shady family) is that he’s extremely smart. Now is he good or bad… I initially thought we had a Queen Yoo situation on our hands with Kong Mi Ja (the mother), though apparently that’s not the case. I was genuinely shocked when she apologized, and THEN at the end admitted to the house being too big for two people, so she invited him to come over and eat some time. (Does that invitation extend to his wife and daughter?) I would not have expected this from the parents we see in the first episode. I love it though. This scene gave the mom a bit more depth, instead of her being another variation of the Evil Matriarch trope. For a moment, there seemed to be a kind of softening in the tension of this scene. Though of course she also majorly freaked when she found out Ji Won is on the case. I definitely feel like it’s the guilt and the stress of their situation regarding being found out, which then led to these anxiety problems. I am living for these flashbacks of Hee Sung and Ji Won’s past. And young Hee Sung is so clueless, please😭😂 I mean, it’s understandable why, but still. Kudos to Ji Won for not backing down. Their past versions are so cute, and the set-up could’ve easily been its own drama. I’d love to know what Ji Won thinks is going on when Hee Sung stares at an empty space, and then gets all guarded and freaked out. But later when Hee Sung says Ji Won scares his father - MY HEART😭 Even if she doesn’t know it, she protects him. “Why do you like me? Why?” I actually would also like to know this, lol. Hopefully we get an answer in the next flashback about why she fell for him. But I also would not blame her if it’s primarily because of his pretty face. xP Either way, she clearly sees something in him that he does not. I really like Ji Won’s team, but I’m always going back and forth on her sunbae, lolll. He’s funny but can also be a bit irritating. So sometimes I like him, sometimes I don’t. Which I think is how he’s purposefully written, haha. Her hoobae is always great though. Finally, we’re introduced to Hyun Soo’s sister. I was kinda ???? when she touched her phone with all that fake blood on her hands. She didn’t even ask her assistant for a towel or wipes… ANYWAYS lmao, I didn’t really get any ~shady vibes from her, but there wasn’t much to go on just yet. I do think she’s lonely and she misses her brother. When Ji Won was commenting on Hyun Soo’s life, and he’s right there with his head on her lap😢 It would be interesting to see her start to realize/uncover the truth of some things about Hyun Soo before she fully realizes he’s her husband. I’m very curious as to how the writer is planning this reveal. “Was my husband always this handsome?” Yes. But seriously, why are they so adorable. I just want them to be happy😭 Me, with the earlier eps: I mean, he’s possibly irredeemable, it’s cool if he doesn’t have a happy ending— Drama as it reveals more of his character:

Hee Sung faking sadness was so funny because we know he dgaf about his would-be murderer. I do feel bad for the wife, but she did end up giving Hee Sung a huge clue. I certainly didn’t expect the culprit to be the taxi driver! When the driver was telling his story to JW’s sunbae previously, I do remember thinking it was odd that the killer would share that they’re in the same profession as their father. If you’re a killer, why would you be dropping personal details like that to a possible witness later? I’m sorry, what is this coincidence of him being caught on camera in the photo background of someone visiting from his hometown???? I’ll roll with it, but wow. lol Moo Jin trying to sniff out the story of how Hyun Soo obtained his new identity with the Baek family… I was warming up to him, but then he tried to record HS. Thankfully, HS caught on, but if Moo Jin backstabs Hyun Soo/Hee Sung later ISTG… I wonder if he’ll change his tune (because he is so not giving up) when he meets up with Do Hae Soo again. There’s definitely something going on with Do Min Seok’s death. I doubt he committed suicide, so I wonder if HS or his sister did the deed. The chase scene with Hee Sung and Ji Won was amazing, and I could only think about how these spouses are hella in shape. And that fight - well, more like struggle - in the building! HS deserved that kick to the nuts lol. But the way he instinctively jumped forward to save Ji Won from the falling tools… 😭 He loves her GDI. I wonder if he realizes this though. He was suspiciously quiet when Moo Jin was asking if he really didn’t have any feelings for her. HS never directly answers this when it’s brought up. Everyone in the know asks if affection bloomed because of Eun Ha’s birth, but the flashbacks clearly show that is not the case. Also, this thought came to me in earlier episodes too, like when he snooped in Moo Jin’s place, but Hee Sung is leaving his fingerprints EVERYWHERE. Please wear gloves, I am begging😭 “We should’ve continued that exorcism!” “What does Do Hyun Soo have against this town anyway?” YOU ALREADY ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION, PLEASE SHUT UP. The phone call with Eun Ha may be my favorite part of the episode, lmao. She’s way too cute. I was the grandma trying not to laugh in the background. Like Eun Ha was so devastated that he wasn’t around. It’s precious how much she loves and misses her dad, which is something that Hyun Soo must marvel at. Before Ji Won, he never experienced that. (Maybe with Hae Soo, but we still don’t know enough to gauge their relationship.) But that ending!! I’m dying to know what’s going on in Ji Won’s head when she sees this piece of evidence (Hyun Soo, please be smarter omfg). Like I don’t know if her mind will immediately jump to HS being the one she was chasing (even if she’d be right lolll). First, she’ll wonder how tf the watch got there and then go through different options before then landing on him. I don’t even know if she’ll get the chance to make that leap because from the preview, we know the taxi driver is up to no good and Ji Won realizes her husband is in danger. Hee Sung/Hyun Soo was injured from the falling tools earlier, and I think that’ll partially be the reason why the taxi driver gets the upper hand and subdues him. I’M SO EXCITED FOR NEXT WEEK!!! I’ve been hyped for the water scene since the teasers, and we’re already getting it. But I’m also so confused because there are still 12 episodes left, lollll. I thought this would be a mid-point scenario. And we’ve already seen a lot of the material that was in the trailer. Not everything, but a good chunk. I really love how things are progressing. Nothing’s dragging (to me). I am a little worried about the back half as that is where dramas tend to do or die. I’ll guess the situation with the Baek family will drive the 2nd half, and that the real son will wake in the middle eps or later. The writer hasn’t given me any reason to doubt them so far. I’m still along for the ride, and I hope the next episode is as promising as it looks. My Twitter liveblog for Ep4: twitter.com/krysyuy/status/1291852350747901952

#flower of evil #foe: text #character: baek hee sung #ship: hee sung x ji won #character: kim moo jin #character: baek eun ha #character: baek man woo #character: kong mi ja #foe: commentary #foeep:04 #krysyuy ♥s kdramas

[discoveringenterprise]

“RYAN WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?!” and other shit you might wonder

First off: I am so sorry for disappearing off of the face of the earth oh my god

Second off: I’m going on an indefinite hiatus as of Sundayish. Yes, you read that right, an indefinite hiatus. All the content on the blog will stay for our enjoyment, and I fully authorize use of my gifs anywhere and everywehre

Third off: if you’re struggling rn, shit gets better, PLEASE trust me on this.

TLDR of this post; I got better, so can you, and I’m heading out.

ENT GC: let me know if you want admin. Do what you want with the blog, and if you wanna make a new group chat, please do so since I won’t be around to add people.

How can I contact you/get your contact info before you go? Dallyn and Daphne have my contact info so if you ever need to reach me and I’m gone... yeah. Like I said, I’ll be heading out Sundayish, so I’ll periodically log in here if you wanna talk to me/get my info before I go.

What’s your actual name? That... that’s a long story, too. LMAO. Especially if you know me. DM me for the story if you know me.

Why are you leaving? So, as you guys know, I started college, which is completely and utterly whack. Everything is changed, everything is different and I have friends now? Like, WTF. I’ve been so wrapped up in work it took me forever to get on here after Dallyn texted me “your account got hacked” so... oops. I let everyone into the ent gc (oh my GOD i look back at that and have a love/hate relationship with it!) and let me know if you figure out a way to make admins on it??? I’m confused AF.

I’m going to be focusing off college and staying off Tumblr for a while. It was 2 am technically today and I was reading all my old posts like “jfc I was so depressed???” and now I’m just... not. I made friends, real friends, over the summer. People who understand and get it (and yes some of them are ent stans.)

Why did you disappear in May and why are you leaving again? Shortly put, and I don’t mean to sound mean, I made real friends. Real as in I will physically interact with them in real life (aka college friends). I kind of weaned off Tumblr slowly, and only kept going back for the ent gc (I LOVE YOU GUYS THOUGH!!!). And it kinda became a drag.

When I came back to Tumblr, it was like late January and early February. I’d just got out of the Instagram rping world and was so tempted to start one here, but I was scared and intimidated, and I’m glad I didn’t. Breaking off rp was the best thing I’d ever done for myself, and the best thing that this toxic girl ever did for me. My shitty mental health had been kinda dependent on this rp, it’s hard to explain, but I was being a jerk and kinda had been since freshman year with projecting my feelings onto my character’s and blurring the lines far too much between me and her. She was (and is!) still hella overpowered, hella perfect, and something that would absolutely never happen in canon.

Honestly, this whole situation was basically the lyrics to the song Clarity ft. Foxes by Zedd. I love that song, go give it a listen.

Point being, I got myself off of that once I realized. The problem had started in January 2017, ran through October 2017, and then took a hiatus until junior year but only started to really manifest itself in February 2019. And honestly, mainly when school started back, in September/October 2019 and lasted until January 4 when she and I had our last fight. (She messaged me again, later- here- and since making that post, we’ve ended things on neutral terms.)

So I came here. Tumblr. I’d been here in 2017 right after the OTHER rp ended, and I think Tumblr became my new outlet then, too. I was a baby in the middle of my freshman year then. And then there I was, coming full circle. As a senior in high school. I read all of my old posts about how I’d never make it, and there I was. I’d made it. The end of HS was in sight.

I straight up vibed through all of May. Now, I was slowly making friends in college already, but it only really took off in April and May, which is when I left. I focused more on those, building those connections. I loved you guys on Tumblr, I still do, but I was definitely going to meet these college friends. And as I pulled my head out of Tumblr, I got a job, an actual paying job , in June- and I was already gone.

As I looked back on my posts last night/this morning I was thinking “oh my GOD what the fuck” because jfc, Tumblr had turned into the place where I vented. And then as I got through the months, I became happier. The pandemic was around, duh, and I didn’t have as much school stressing me out, there wasn’t as much craziness around. I was free, I didn’t have people from high school to deal with, and I got better on my own.

YEAH, I was talking to a college guy. And yeah, that was nice, but it was more of a side thing. He was my friend, and he played me, but I learned to be myself. Learned to love Enterprise wildly and give absolutely no fucks.

And it is oh so nice to give zero fucks. It’s an amazing feeling. I hope everyone gets there someday. And yeah, I’ve had moments where people don’t like me, and moments where I’ve felt down, depressed. That’s not saying life is always perfect 100% of the time.

But what I’m trying to say is: it gets better. And to me, Tumblr was like a crutch. Sometimes you need it to help you stand, but when you think you always need it, and can stand on your own, that’s where the problem is. In May, I became confident enough to let the crutch go. And I’m thankful that I did that.

I still love you guys, everyone reading this post, the people that know me and are going to miss me. It’s not that I hate this website or anything- I just stopped using it as a crutch, you know?

Where can I read this crazy fanfic? DM me, haha. It’s the classic “self-insert but NOT a self-insert” fanfiction originating form a fifth grade idea, reformatted by my depressed fourteen-year-old self. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. Yes, it’s Star Trek.

I also have one for the girl’s relative, too, which IMO is much better. She’s less overpowered, more of a real human being.

So why mention the fanfic and RP? It’s weird; I’ve come full circle. I wanted to be this perfect girl, and then I planned how she’d finish her story (and I’m finishing it. I am, I promise, because she’s a part of me that I wouldn’t trade for anything). As I’ve taken a break from the E/AP-verse (my public nickname for it haha, someone found out here) I’ve realized again, I came full circle.

All I wanted back then was to be happy and I thought a guy would do it. Popularity, a bunch of friends, a “hot body” (btw FUCK BODY SHAMING and you’re all perfect) and all that BS that the media tells you. What really gives you happiness (or at least me)? Confidence. The fact that I know I have friends I can count on here. Yeah, a relationship is nice, but complete yourself before you get into one.

And when I planned my OC’s ending back in February, that’s what she got. She’s married in my head now, to her (and my!) perfect guy, but the important part is that she’s happy, and she’s herself before she got married. Before she got in her relationship.

So, yeah. I think that covers it. In all honesty, if you have more questions, send them to the ask box and I’ll tag them and all this as “ry’s goodbye” and update my nav page. It’s 12:39 AM so please excuse any typos!

Bye, guys. For now, at least.

I love you.

#ry's goodbye

[socksthetiger]

HEY everyone if ur looking for a really good read pls go read/watch Given, it hit me so much in the heart and its the first time ive ever read something where i just SPOT ON resonated with the characters. Its gay rock band with the MOST heartfeeling story, it shows falling in love at its most genuine. i literally cried 6 times by the time i hit chapter 13 (not because it's sad, just because i love boys so much and yeah it was sad like once so far).

SO MANY of the characters are gay/bi and it does such a good job of making that -normal- enough but still showing that a w f u l pining business like -why did he get so close, does this mean anything, oh god i hope it does- (lookin at u haruki <3). honestly it sums up my whole ms/hs experience as the only gay kid in my midwest town BUT INSTEAD its this satisfying version where they get to experience love so genuinely and their crushes are so hopeful. This manga literally pulls bare the sweetness of meeting and connecting with another human. this is absolutely the best story i have ever read and im literally only on like chapter 13 and i cant wait to read more

im reblogging a lot of given stuff on my sideblog @animeboyappreciationclub too and i am ''''''''' this close to making a sideblog devoted just to Given. Also if anyone has any chats/discord servers my heart is absolutely BLEEDING for these guys and i need to sob abt it to someone

#i literally cannot praise it enough ugh #given

[lefaystrent]

Everyone's talking about Virgil Angst but meanwhile I'm sitting here thinking about Roman because like?? Presumably he's on Broadway right? And to wake up finding you're a known broadway star has to be a dream come true even if it's jarring that suddenly finding yourself so much older. But like Roman has no memories of the years between hs and now. He wakes up, finds he's performing in a show that very day. bUT NOT ONLY THAT, it's a new show, one he's never heard of so he has no lines 1/?

no lyrics, noblocking memorized. And he's expected to perform. So a thespian's nightmareright there. Maybe for extra Angst points the understudy is out sick. Or hejust forces himself to perform, not wanting to disappoint or miss this"chance" to be on Broadway. Either way it doesn't go well and Romanis left with his spirits crushed and still completely lost as to how he endedup in the future. 2/2

Back to theFuture, part II

Fandom: Thomas Sanders,Sanders Sides

Pairings: platonic LAMP

Word Count: 2620

Masterlist Link

_______________________

Roman wakes up with a pillow beingthrown at his face.

“Chop, chop! Time to go.”

Roman groans, “Is it time forschool already?”

The person laughs.

It’s then that Roman realizes thatit’s neither of his parents, nor one of his friends who would sometimes sleepover.

Roman sits up, shirtless but that’susual. What’s not usual is the man fixing his hair in the mirror of a largevanity table.

“Who are you?” Roman asks,instantly suspicious. He snatches up a hair brush that’s lying on the bedsidetable, wielding it like a sword. “Where am I? What do you want with me?”

The man meets his eyes in themirror, sees something funny, and rolls his eyes with a laugh. “Alright, Mr.Big Shot. Save the acting for the stage. We’re gonna be late if you don’t hurryup and get dressed. And Dot will have both of our asses if we’re late foropening night.”

Opening night?

Stage?

Cute guy?

Oh, this had to be a dream.

Roman was good at dreams.

“Very well then. Wouldn’t want todisappoint all of my adoring fans, would I darling?” Roman boasts, to which theguy snorts and tells him to hurry up again.

Roman slips away and finds thebathroom. He’s debating whether or not to snap his fingers and conjure up amagnificent outfit. That is, until he catches a glimpse of himself in themirror.

He screams like he’s in a horrormovie, which maybe he is.

“What—what’s wrong?” the no-nameguy from earlier yells, banging on the bathroom door but Roman had locked it.

“I’M OLD!!!”

He’s over thirty now, and to a guywho was just seventeen yesterday, that’s pretty old my dude.

Frantic, Roman throws open thebathroom door and demands, “What magic did you cast on me?”

“What?”

“My face! Look at it!” Roman screeches,looking into the mirror once again and rubbing at his face as if the signs ofaging would disappear. “I mean, I’m still gorgeous, BUT I’M OLD!!!”

The guy looks at him like he’scrazy, which maybe he is but wow, no need to judge. “Uhhhh, are you going througha mid-life crisis right now? Because can you do that later? When, ya know, wedon’t have somewhere to be?”

“I was just seventeen yesterday,”Roman tells his reflection mournfully.

“Okay, if this is the kind ofbaggage Roman Prince has, remind me not to sleep with him again.”

Roman chokes at that.

“E-excuse me? We did what?!”

“Just cut the crap already,” theguy grunts and leaves. “I’ll be waiting outside,” he calls before a door slamsclosed.

Roman is left alone with hisreflection.

He snaps his fingers, but nothinghappens.

He gives a grin anyway. “Just gottaget into the swing of things is all.”

*

Roman meets the guy outside. Hedoesn’t bother asking for his name, since it’s not important to the dreamanyway. And really, this isn’t unlike a lot of Roman’s other dreams. Waking upto a cute guy? Check. Performing in a Broadway musical? Check.

Being the headlining actor for saidBroadway musical?

Super big check.

They’re in the theater now, andRoman is smiling and greeting a bunch of people who seem to know him. He goesalong with whatever they’re saying. He runs into the director Dot that theno-name guy mentioned earlier. And somewhat confusingly, he finds his dressingroom. It’s amazing and wonderful and in such detail, and sitting on the chair bythe dressing table is the script they’re performing tonight. Roman picks it upwith a wide grin.

He nearly drops it.

He’s the headlining actor for aplay he’s never even heard of.

Okay. Okay, okay okay.

Roman is in his dressing room—HISDRESSING ROOM ON BROADWAY. This whole place is designed by him to work how hepleases. If he just looks away and looks back again it’ll change—

Nope, that didn’t work. He squintsdown at the font, hoping to place the title.

“A New Lease on Life.”

From a skim through it’s somethingabout a parasitic demon trapped in the body of a magically gifted human?Roman’s character is the parasite.

“I know musicals are weird, butwhat in the name of Julie Andrews,” Roman says to himself.

But this is a dream. It’s okay. Hecan just…get up on stage and have the time of his life!

That’s not how it happens though.They do last minute run throughs. Roman is not magically landing the lines.Hell, he doesn’t even know them! The director yells at him to stop messingaround, and Roman is honestly hurt and disoriented enough to start crying rightthen.

But this is supposed to be hisdream! He can’t cry. He’s a Broadway actor! He’s got this!

*

Remember when he said ‘he’s gotthis’?

Yeeaaah . . .

The evening is upon them, theaudience files in, and Roman is standing on stage with no clue as to what he’sdoing.

He skimmed the script earlier,curious because usually he couldn’t read things in his dreams. He says thelines he remembers, but he misses a cue, and then the actor who’s playing therole of the character he’s possessing hisses under their breath what his lineis. It’s appreciated, but Roman can’t hear it over the thundering roar in hisears. The audience is waiting for something incredible to happen and Roman . ..

Roman’s waiting too.

*

This isn’t one of Roman’s dreams.

This is a nightmare.

Roman is a deer caught in theheadlights. He’s sweating and breathing so loudly that surely the audience musthear it. The lights are too bright and he’s standing on the edge of the stagein the middle of what’s supposed to be this sinister monologue.

This isn’t working. He just needsto take a breath, take a step back, listen more carefully to his costar’s constanthissing, and maybe things will get back on track.

Roman’s leg buckles when he triesto move it. He’s too close to the edge of the stage. He thinks for a momentthat he can catch himself, but his palms are slick with sweat and he slipsright over. He lands on his back, the wind knocked out of him, and he doesn’tremember much after that.

He wakes up, not in his bedroom athome but in his Broadway dressing room. Someone’s there, someone that Romandoesn’t recognize.

“Sloan picked up where you leftoff,” she says. She’s looking at Roman with pity.

“Sloan?” he questions. In thedistance, he can hear the muffled noises of the show going on.

She looks pissed off now. “Youknow, your understudy? Maybe if your head wasn’t shoved up your ass all thetime, you’d remember the names of us little people.”

She storms out of the room.

Roman lets his head thump back downon the bench someone laid him on.

He could wallow in his misery. Hecould let this nightmare beat him down. He could curl up and have himself anice cry. Princes are made for bawls after all.

“Sorry, but this prince has toleave before midnight,” he says.

He hops up to his feet. His headhurts and there’s a painful twinge in his leg and arm from where he must havefallen on them. But he can still move. He has to.

Roman turns his back on Broadway togo search for answers.

As he’s walking down the sidewalk,he ignores the busy city life. He pulls out his phone, immediately searchingfor his emo sidekick’s number.

He doesn’t find it.

What he does find though areseveral missed calls from Patton.

“Curiouser and curiouser,” hequotes. He calls Patton up.

“Roman?!” Patton answers after thefirst ring.

“Hey Padré! I hope you’ve got sometime to chat because you will not believe where I am right now!”

*

Roman was all the way in New York.

That’s a little more than a carride from Florida.

Logan had known that Roman became aBroadway star. He’d even told Roman that he would one day become one, but thatwas back in high school when Roman was an upset seventeen-year-old and Loganwas an eleven-year-old kid who knew too much. The news might have given Romansome form of comfort when he was figuratively down, but he certainly hadn’tbelieved it as Logan foretelling the future.

When Logan woke up as twenty-nineagain—after the initial freaking out period—he decided to contact his friendsto test a hypothesis. He needed to encounter someone who he’d never been affiliatedwith before in his future time, people like Roman, Virgil, and Patton.

Roman was too far off however. Notto mention it’d prove difficult to request a celebrity’s time, one that wasn’tsupposed to know you.

And Logan did doubt that any ofthem knew him. He suspected that he hadn’t been pushed forward through time butreplaced back into his own time, a timeline separate from the past one he’dbeen in. Nothing in his house had changed, no signs of his friends. No texts orcontacts on his phone to match.

So Logan searched for the othertwo. Virgil proved to be all but nonexistent upon his initial online researching.Patton immediately garnered results.

“An advice columnist,” Logan hadsaid to himself, unable to smother down the smile that tugged up his lips.Patton had made quite a name for himself in northern Florida. He’d been hostedseveral times on talk shows and was working on promoting his second self-helpbook that had recently released.

Logan had set off to find Patton,and find him he did.

And Patton . . . Patton had rememberedhim.

And even though Logan felt trulysorry that this disorienting situation caused his friend a great deal ofdistress, he couldn’t help but feel a wash of relief knock into him at the factthat his friend was still his friend. That those memories weren’t worthless ora vivid dream.

And then, once they had workedthrough establishing the existence of time travel, Patton suggests that theothers might be in the same boat.

“What boat? We’re not in a boat.”

“Figure of speech, Lo,” Pattonsmiles a little, despite himself.

If he and Patton are here afterjumping through time, it’s not impossible that Roman and Virgil could be thesame.

“They might not be here,” Logansuggests, swallowing down a sharp feeling of disappointment. “Whatever happenedto us, they may not have been a part of it.”

“Or they might have,” Patton pushesstubbornly. He can see the same hope welling in him, the same selfish desire tonot be alone. “We’re always hanging out together. They might have . . . gottencaught up in it? Whatever it is.”

“. . . and you already tried callingRoman?”

Patton tries all day. Logan wandersthe house a lot, investigating what kind of person Patton grew up to be. It’s .. . interesting to say the least, seeing his friend who had previously been ateenager suddenly as a grown adult, older than himself at that. Logan pondersover whether Patton feels the same amount of puzzlement. Although, Patton doesn’tseem to be interested in much that requires moving from the couch.

Ever since Logan theorized them notbeing friends in this timeline, Patton has become lethargic. Logan is ill-preparedto deal with this kind of Patton.

That night, Logan hears Patton’sphone ring. Logan doesn’t pay it much mind. The phone had been ringing off andon ever since Patton had run away from work that morning. Logan continues to pokearound the kitchen, relishing his normal body and the height that allows him toeasily reach into the tall cabinets.

“Roman?!” Patton screams from theliving room.

Logan immediately abandons any notionof dinner.

“Did he call you?” Logan blurtsout, racing into the room. It’s an unnecessary question, because what elsecould have happened? Patton waves his hand at him to shush him.

“Where are you kiddo? Are you okay?”Patton asks. He clutches the phone to his ear with both hands as if he couldhold Roman there.

Impatient, Logan sits right besidePatton and leans in to eavesdrop.

“Where else would a star like me beother than Broadway?”

Yes, that’s Roman’s proud voicefiltering through.

“Broadway?” Patton repeats, lookingat Logan questioningly.

“He’s in New York,” Logan affirms.

“What is he doing there?” Pattonasks.

“Is someone else there?” Roman interrupts.“You’re talking to someone else when you have me on the phone?”

“Sorry, Ro. I was just talking to—um . . .”

“To?”

“To, um . . . Logan.”

“Oh, well tell that nerd that I’mon Broadway and I’m fabulous, even if I am old now.”

Patton and Logan share a look.

Logan pries the phone out of Patton’shold and puts it on speaker. “You remember who I am?”

“Who? Wait, who’s that?”

“That’s Logey, kiddo.”

“That doesn’t sound like the littletwerp I know. Wait, is he super old now too? Are we all old geezers? Man, thisis a really weird dream.”

“Yes, it’s me. Yes, we’re older,”Logan answers. At least Roman is understanding the situation they’ve beendropped in. “Roman, I need you to answer a couple of questions for me please.”

“If I’m older now, why do I have toput up with more study sessions from you?”

“This isn’t school-related, Roman.”

“Please, Ro. It’s important,”Patton urges.

“Fiiine, if you must.”

“Did you wake up today in anunfamiliar setting with no memory of how you got there?”

“Yeah? Nothing too unusual.”

“How—how is that not unusual foryou?”

“Happens all the time in dreams,duh. Use that big brain of yours, Jimmy Neutron—wait, you’re not a kid geniusanymore. I’m going to have to come up with new nicknames. Not to worry, I’mgreat at improvising!”

Great at ignoring reality as wellit seems.

“Um, Roman?” Patton prompts. “Whatdo you mean by dreams?”

“This isn’t a dream,” Loganpresses.

“What else could it be?” Romanlaughs, and it doesn’t matter that the sound is slightly distorted through thephone. Both Logan and Patton can tell that there’s something off about it.

“Roman, that’s not—” Patton starts,but Logan cuts him off.

“Roman, do you have Virgil’scontact saved perhaps?”

“No, I don’t actually. Weird,right? Oh, I know! He must be hidden away from us in a tall tower in amonster-filled forest. Never fear, we shall rescue our emo in distress!”

Patton bites his lip, staring atLogan. “He doesn’t have his number either? What does it mean, Logan?”

“It could mean that Virgil doesn’thave a phone,” Logan tries, but neither of them buys it.

“Virge . . .” Patton whispers, eyeswelling up.

Logan focuses back on the phone.Roman keeps asking if they’re still there. “Yes, we’re here. And that soundslike an excellent idea, Roman. Why don’t you meet up with us here in Floridaand we’ll brainstorm a plan of action in order to locate Virgil.”

“Can do!”

Later, after Logan has helped Romango over how to book a plane ticket (“No Roman, you can’t just teleport here.Think of this as a . . . side quest, like in the video games you like.”), heends the call and turns to Patton. Patton’s sitting there, arms wrapped aroundhis legs and face buried in his knees.

“We’ll find out what happened tohim,” Logan tells him.

Patton doesn’t respond.

_____________________________

General Tag list: @spectralheartt @a-pastel-pan @notalwaysthevillian @rose-gold-roman @ijustrealizedhowdumbmynamewas @katie-the-noble-fangirl @yourroyalydramaticanxiousness @aroundofapplesauce @merlybird500 @beach-fan @jemthebookworm @whats-going-on-kiddos @randomsandersides @gamerfreddie @unring-this-bell @analogicallythinking @lilygold23 @punsterterry @levy-the-b00kw0rm @tacohippy56900 @accio-hufflepuff-power1 @just-another-rainbowblog @georganabanana @grey-says-heck @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @thesynysterunknown @idont-know-what-im-doing @idioticsky @fadingglowcloud @whizzie72 @theinvisiblespoon @greyyy523 @opaque-puppet @just-fic-me-up @wowimsogoddamnoriginal @sos-fandoms @loganeatsbooks @trust-is-overrated @theitalianalchemist @im-crunchie @mourning--star @4amanxiety @hogwarts-my-love @enby-phoenix @justanotherpurplebutterfly @internet-or-sleep @absolutesandersidestrash @seaspider10 @nonasficcollection @small-words-to-say @satanblessi @an-absolute-failure @analogical-mess @noisyeggpizzapatrol @hamilsandersfam @cefinitely-rolo @thgjclw @knight-shives @no-no-no-no-6 @savingshae @rabbitsartcorner @buddypallady @midnight-tragedyy

Kid Logan AU list: @under-the-blue-moonlight @broadwaytheanimatedseries @joyful-milkshake-observation @absolutesandersidestrash @midnightmagi @justcallmepancake @nerd-in-space @thestrangedino @deathshadowrules @entitydark @vintage-squid @max-is-tired @deceitfullyanxiousprince  @shai-uwu @teacupfulofstarshine @the5thcoy @occasionally-pauciloquent @oakskull @teepee-honesty @mrtacothethird @fandomobsessed-nerd @mychemicalcheezwhiz @that-smol-tired-gay @skittlesun @caterpiller-tea @sanders-sides-rebloger @penguinkool @its-the-cat-queen @liz-a-bell @theresneverenoughfandoms @i-know-im-smart @ever-after-aaa @007ardra @starbucks-remy @lovebug5151 @yyeeeeeeeeett @adoratato @theobsessor1 @soijusthavetoask @ab-artist @always-in-a-fandom @iris-sanders-athena @doing-my-demibest @connors-writing-sux @lizziepopanime @charakitcat @dall-off-weekes @wowimsogoddamnoriginal @sign-from-god-complex @pumpkinminette @cosmic-melodies @sullycreatesstuff @lovesupportandcookies @som3thing-cr3ativ3 @unicornlogansanders @rainysharkfreaklover @potato--justpotato @ghostscantdie @virgilneedsahug @thatonenerdphotographer @the-cactus-lord @cocobearthe4th @neverasherpoetry @midnight--fox @falsehoodx @crazy-rat-man @lokinas @rosiepupper @insert--self--hatred @dorkoverse @herestheanxietea @spirits-in-my-thoughts

#sanders sides #kid logan au #roman #roman sanders #patton #patton sanders #logan #logan sanders #virgil #virgil sanders #platonic lamp #back to the future #Anonymous

[shadowedlove97]

Quick thoughts before I head to bed:

- The kids not being Ultimates originally doesn’t surprise me. I think that’s the one thing Tsumugi said that WASN’T a lie. Because we see proof of that in the prologue.

- I’m not sure how I feel about the message personally, but not because I necessarily don’t agree with it but because I’m...unsure fully on what that is? I hear it wasn’t a call out towards the actual fans and that Kodaka confirmed this in an interview, but the game.... really feels like it is? I also am not sure about the whole equating fiction with lies. In the context of the scenario it makes sense, but in the context of the message of the game as a whole... That feels like an oversimplification? Also “fiction/lies can change the world” is uh...yeah true, but also a very...complex thing. 

- Back on the fake Ultimates thing...while I don’t mind it and had called it from the beginning (I think it was kinda obvious honestly and that the game was really hoping that you’d forget about the prologue after everything) it’s like... We also fell in love with the children how they are now right? So I’m like “okay I love this child but also if they’re like actually really bitter I don’t know if I could take it” sort of thing.

- I...don’t fully like that Danganronpa in-game, aka the past two games and the anime, are just fictional and part of a show that eventually...spiraled into a real killing game? I believe V3 is mostly an AU so technically in another universe in the lore the previous games and the anime DID happen, but like... I’m still majorly conflicted on that. It’s not like it was written terribly either: I think it was written fine. I just... Don’t like that sort of plot? Just like I don’t like the plot of Sonic 06 for this reason - it kinda...makes other games (or in 06′s case, the game you’re playing) feel null and void even if it wasn’t technically.

  - Also tbh, while killing games themselves aren’t too farfetched to me in that other novels have done it via Hunger Game sort of scenarios, and we DID have Gladiator fights at some point in history... I think that the fact that it started fictional, but then turned into real murders at some point....breaks immersion for me? Because unless the first two games and the anime are the only “canon” material in-universe and all the real killing games put on as new “seasons” are made by a group of fans hosting it on some obscure website ala Red Room style shit, I can’t.... I can’t imagine they’d somehow get away with it? Of course it could be part of Monokuma and Tsumugi’s lie that it’s as far reaching as they say but.... 

- I also have a problem with how ambiguous it is. I don’t mind ambiguous endings normally: half of the anime I watch have ambiguous endings and one of them I even call a masterpiece (seriously, go watch Violet Evergarden). My issue is that it leaves so many questions unanswered. I’m sure that was intentional, but I never liked that style of ambiguous endings. The endings I liked in this style answered MOST questions, but only left one or two unanswered. Or otherwise left the fate of the characters up to you. The original TRC (before CLAMP started and put the sequel on hiatus...), Violet Evergarden, 91 Days, even Code Geass kinda (I think it got debunked but I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole again), and Sakamoto (as humorous as it is) all had endings that fit one of these categories. 

TRC you didn’t know the fate of the cast (particularly one of them). It was not a happy nor a sad ending. It just was. And whatever they did next could be whatever. You knew the cast was alive, just that one important goal was not and could not be met at that time, and whether or not they can meet it is up to you. 

The rest made you uncertain on the fate of specific characters and whether or not they were alive. Sakamoto is a weird one in that it’s ambiguous on if the character uh...is just leaving at the end to go to who knows where (he says Mars but I think the show calls that out) or that he’s actually a terminally ill HS kid who doesn’t want to tell his friends he’s dying and that when he “leaves” it’s actually symbolic of the fact that he’s dying. There are a lot of hints both in the manga and the show but uh I try not to think about it too much bc Sakamoto is first and foremost a comedy and if I ever rewatch it I don’t want to keep thinking about how he’s actually dying the whole time. :’) (Apparently there was an OVA that “disproves” it but it’s not based off of the manga at all [the manga ended where the original anime ended] so I don’t count it.)

I feel like V3 left the wrong questions unanswered. It’s supported in game that they were never Ultimates, that this “killing game” has been going on and on, that the tapes are false, and that what they are like in the prologue are probably how they actually are, but that’s basically the only things we can say as fact. They honestly didn’t give us enough info on how that worked. 

There’s some implication that Tsumugi was also brainwashed essentially, but that’s something that should have been confirmed. The “cosplaycat criminal” was also a weird line. We understand that Rantaro was a survivor of the other killing games because the ending scenario probably has happened over and over again before and him and someone else was “punished” but it doesn’t tell us more than that. Was Tsumugi a survivor too and the second one would end up being the new “Mastermind”? Who is “Team Danganronpa” in context of lore and not real-world? A mega-corp or a deranged group of fans that found a terrifying subset found online? Do people think it’s all fake and that they’re actors or do they know these people are actually being killed? I really feel like these are the sort of questions that needed to be answered. 

Whether or not the other kids are actually alive because maybe it was a simulation of sorts or maybe there were fail-safes (I don’t think so though even if I want that), how the 3 canonly-surviving kids adapt, if the outside world is as peaceful as Tsumugi says or some sort of dystopian... I feel like these are the sort of questions that are suitable for an ambiguous ending. These are the sorts of questions that don’t need to be answered in order for the ending to be satisfying, while also leaving intrigue and a lot up to the player.

I just... I don’t know. I have a lot of Feelings about this ending. 100% looking up fanfic later though. Especially mastermind!Shuichi fanfic that either changes up or answers some of the unanswered questions.

Also need to see an AU fanfic where these kids are the Ultimates they say they are, but they’re set in the original Danganronpa world and there’s either no killing game or Tsumugi was a Remnant of Despair and it’s actually set sometime during the Tragedy in secret.That would be fun.

[sadbi-hours]

Here it is! Finally! My Stranger things’ Fanfic Rec list I’ve put off for months yooo! Anyway, I hope you find something to read and enjoy y’all :)

(Oh, the * at the front of the fic title means they are my favorites!)

* objects in the mirror by Snickfic  (Complete)

Jonathan has no f**king idea why Nancy and Steve gave him the Nikon. He doesn't know why they're so insistent on seeing the pictures he takes, either. 

why you should read it?:one reason: you can’t tell me that Jonathan doesn’t have a thing for taking pics during sexy times! you just can’t...and this fanfic is the reason why!

And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars Series by  Drhair76 (WIP)

The many adventures of Steve, Jonathan and Nancy as they figure out their relationship. (feat. Robin, the kiddos and a heck ton of parental figures.)

why you should read it?: Because Steve/Nancy/Jonathan’s relationship is the cutest thing in this little series...but it’s also very real in a way that’s not supernatural. Just go read the series! Warning: It does get a little angsty in later parts!

Emotion Sickness by  Shypt  (WIP)

After the Battle of Starcourt, Steve struggles with the damages that the Russians left behind. In dealing with the aftermath, with the help of Robin and the Party, he uncovers a larger conspiracy at hand than just re-opening the Gate.

why you should read it?: Post s3 fic, where Robin and Steve are left with powers after the Russian’s experiments...and how they deal with that and the large conspiracy at behind why. 

* it's a risk, it's a gamble by  nondz (pinkjook) (Complete)

“I think we should pretend to date,” Robin says.

"What?" Steve answers.

why you should read it?: read this post and all my feelings will be revealed...or aka the emotionally sweet stoncy fic where Robin and Steve pretend to be each others beards... that might have made me weep silently a few times haha!

* Strike from the Records (it's not over 'till we're done) by SylphofScript (Complete)

If there’s one more thing Steve should have walked away with after so many incidents with the otherworldly, it’s to never trust the slow points.

They were only ever a blanket of lies, covering up a brewing storm.

Too bad Steve never learns.

why you should read it?: A long connective fic, where each character is common or not so common whamp trope! So beware, it gets super angsty in parts!

Have Happened by cortexikid (Complete)

"I overheard you. You were talking in your sleep.”

Steve's heart fluttered nervously.

“It was a little funny at first,” Nancy admitted, her tone a mix of teasing and apologetic, “you were moaning my name and I thought it’d be kinda funny if Mike accidentally overheard you having a sex dream about his sister—”

Steve couldn’t control the guffaw that escaped him.

“But then you said Jonathan’s name. Right after mine. All in the same breath.”

why you should read it?: You know, why not! I’ll admit, this story doesn’t entirely work for me anymore since the monster hunting trio had grown so far from their s1 characterizations, but it’s still a fic worth reading! So i am rec-ing it!

Slide Over Here by empathieves (Complete)

Nancy says Jonathan's name instead of Steve's two weeks after the Monster Hunting Incident. Steve says it instead of Nancy's name a month after. They don't talk about it until two months after, when it's become increasingly hard to ignore that Jonathan Byers has become a part of their sex life without even being in the room.

why you should read it?: Another post s1 fic, where Nancy and Steve slowly start bringing Jonathan’s name into their sex life...and how they eventually act on their desires! 

Searching For Your Heart by cali-chan (girls_are_weird) (Complete)

One of the world's biggest action movie superstars is coming to town, and every kid in Hawkins High is determined to win MTV's back-to-school scavenger hunt and get a face-to-face meeting with their idol. Mike and his friends are sure they've got this in the bag— until the contest throws a wrench in their plans and their only shot at winning is partnering up with Mike's longtime crush, El Hopper.

why you should read it?: I’ll admit I didn’t finish this story...I was a little too fluffy for my tastes, but It’s still a cute story worth reading!

Bad at Love (Can You Blame Me for Trying) by GeoffsEightGreatestMistakes (Complete)

He liked to think the world was done throwing him curveballs. He’s had to kill the Demogorgon, get his face punched in by a crazed stepbrother, listen to his drunk girlfriend tell him she doesn’t love him, and tell his best friend that he’s a piece of shit. He thought he had somehow managed to catch enough curveballs for a lifetime. He was wrong. The newest curveball may be the hardest one yet.

why you should read it?: It’s Stoncy and my fav romantic angst trope: (not so) unrequited love/Pining! 

* every night my mind is running around her by magneticwave (Complete)

In which Nancy gets married, Lucas gets hot, and Dustin gets to give lots of people advice that he’s only moderately qualified to dispense. 

why you should read it?: This was my first ever ST fanfic! I had to add it on principal...of it being absolutely amazing lol! 

* Ducks on the Pond by The Stephanois (ballantine) (Complete)

Steve Harrington knows two things to be true: the St. Louis Cardinals are the best baseball team in the world, and Nancy Wheeler is far too amazing for him to hog all to himself.

why you should read it?:  It’s one of my all time favorite stoncy fics, it combines two things I absolutely love into one story: Poly relationships and Baseball (I won a MVP trophy in HS for Pitching) ...and also uses the age old euphemism of bases for sex;) 

Across the Many Miles by FeoplePeel (Complete)

Nancy packed her bags and moved out West for Caltech. Jonathan’s East at NYU. Steve’s in the middle, Hawkins, Indiana and separated from the only people who understand by a seemingly endless stretch of land on each side. The story doesn't start there, but it doesn't end there, either.

why you should read it?: It’s actually been so long since I’ve read this one...and bruh is it long...so it’s definitely not a causal read, but it’s very very good read if you have the time for a long, long story. 

* let this pass you by CallicoKitten (Complete)

Steve’s not entirely sure at which point in his life he became Dustin Henderson’s personal chauffeur. Okay, maybe that’s not entirely true. Maybe he can pinpoint the exact moment it happened and it honestly keeps him awake at night more than the demo-dogs or the Demogorgon or any of the insane shit that’s happened in Hawkins recently.

---

the kids drag steve on a trip to chicago to find El's sister, steve figures some shit out in the process

why you should read it?: It’s stoncy, the party, and a road trip all rolled into one...what more can you ask for haha?!

Talk Me Down by anomalation (Complete)

Nancy knows what she wants: Steve and Jonathan both, and maybe a fight. Steve knows he'd do anything for these dorky kids. Jonathan doesn't seem to want anything, but he'd also never ask them. And none of them are interested in forgiving Billy.

Featuring: some D&D, a Christmas party, a lot of relationship negotiating, no excuses for shitty behavior, and yet also the firm belief that nobody deserves abusive parents.

why you should read it?: Another really long, long fic that I completely enjoyed the one time I read it...and It had a nice and real redemption arc for Billy that I liked. 

* For the Three of Us by brokenpromisesandhope

5 times Jonathan loved Steve and Nancy and one time they loved him back.

why you should read it?: The summary pretty much says it all...

* decide on me (decide on us) by mjolnirbreaker (Complete)

Robin could very well die tonight in her stupid work uniform, and honestly she doesn’t want to dwell on it. So she’s going to make it her personal mission to figure out what’s up with Steve’s romantic life, and hopefully they don’t die before she solves the puzzle.

why you should read it?: It amazes me to this day...just how close to canon this author had gotten for Robin’s characterization and her relationship with Steve! 

* fly me to the moon by bleuboxes (Complete)

It's a Saturday night; he's watching one of those Star Wars movies with Robin - who won't shut up about how hot Leia looks.

Steve mentions something briefly about how he likes Han’s hair, rugged tough guy appearance, and general aloofness. Robin rolls her eyes, mutters an 'of course you do', then throws popcorn at his face.

why you should read it?:  Okay, I related way too well to this story! Han Solo was one of my bisexual awakens too...and I didn’t realize until years later lol! It’s also a sweet story about how Robin slowly helps Steve through his awakening like a real BFF should. 

God Help the Outcasts by willwrite4coffee (Complete)

Robin Buckley's always been a little different, but to her, that's never been a bad thing.

She's been on the outside looking in, an outcast, but she'd rather spend her evening with Sousa than at a kegger.

Being an outsider has never been a bad thing.

(also known as, why does no one know Robin in such a small town like Hawkins?)

why you should read it?: A cute little story about Robin and Steve’s friendship directly after the events of s3...and how the party and Nancy and Jonathan slowly begin to accept Robin into the fold. 

Oh, and anything by @trulyalpha! Here’s the Ao3 link!

#stranger things #fanfic rec list #i am completely sure that i am missing some #but i've read a lot of st fanfics #so there is more than likely to be a part 2 #so yay...i guess lol #none of these works are mine....and if you want your tumblr link at the end #just dm me #image not mine

[houseswolo]

Day 17 - 'Tis The Season To Be Thirsting

"Oh come all ye Forceful..."

The last of our Thirsties to be showcased:

Wilson

(Tumblr: @wilsonthinks66​ | Twitter: Wilsonthinks66 | Ao3: Wilson66)

What got you into Star Wars?

When a certain Adam Driver revealed his beautiful face in The Force Awakens 😍 helloo handsome

What made you a Reylo? Lightbulb moment!

"You're not alone." "Neither are you."

I think I told Luke to piss off and let them kiss!

Why do you write / make art?

Because why not?! I write when I have that little niggling idea that just won't go away.

The Object of your Thirst…

Oh so many but if we're sticking to the Star Wars it's got to be the beautiful Adam Driver and my favourite ginger Domhnall Gleeson

Which Adam look do you like the best?

Unwrapped and bare chested 🤤😍

Which Adam avatar/ role do you like the best?

Flip Zimmerman, I think my stomach literally flipped (pun intended 😏) when Adam wheeled around on that chair 💦💦

Which part of Adam do you like the best? 

A part? How can you only pick one part.

Favorite Star Wars Movie

Probably The Force Awakens, it was the film that made me watch the others in preparation, although Rogue one is a close second.

What do you like to write / draw / paint the most?

Don't judge me but I love writing angst obviously with a well earned happy ending. This is what I want to write as I've made a promise to myself to focus on what I enjoy reading/writing and not worry about others' opinions.

**Eyes the dark Evil Rey idea that won't leave me alone recently**

We'll get to you soon.

(HS: Dooo eeeet!)

Your TRoS Prediction

They all live happily ever after... Hux included 🤞❤️ no I know that may be too optimistic but I do hope we get Bendemption 😍

If you were an aesthetic... (colors, images, feels....)

Red and black are my favourite colour combination, although I adore autumn colours too🍁🧡

What's your ideal environment for writing / creating? 

Silence 😂 seriously I am so easily distracted that I need solitary confinement 😅 which may be why I sometimes struggle to finish fics.

Are you a dom or sub? 

Switch baby! 🤘 For the perfect partner I'll be whatever they need 😏

What's the most exotic/wierd place you've gotten intimate?

I've spent most of my life at yards, I'm not going to miss the opportunity to roll about the straw barn, now am I? 🙊

What's your kink?

Who doesn't love a good Dom but on the flip who doesn't love a well-behaved sub? 🤷 I'm easily pleased.

Use three words to describe yourself

Loyal, kind (I hope I come across as such) and argumentative sometimes because I can fall out with myself if I'm that way inclined 😂

Meaning behind your nick / ID name

Well it's my name and I wasn't feeling imaginative 😅

Are you a big spoon or little spoon?

I'm a don't touch me while a sleep spoon, solitary spoon 😘

Do you like it rough or soft? 

See if you pick one, you lose out on the other. I'm too greedy for that.

Favorite fic you read

Unexpected by pontmercy44. The first star wars fandom fic I ever read that introduced me into this world, I guess.

Favorite fic you wrote or favorite art you made

Decades to Fall for Sunshineflying. A reyux fic (don't shoot the multishipper!) That I just loved writing and wish that every fic was that easy to create. 😍❤️

Favorite SW character besides Kylo and Rey

Oh well this is so hard for me umm 🤔 maybe that ginger General of First Order... I struggle to remember his name 😘 love me some Hux

______

Taz

(Tumblr: @tazwren | Twitter: WrenTaz | Ao3: TazWren & TrashcanWren)

What got you into Star Wars?

Literally, a lightsaber being stuck into my hand, at 7yrs, and being asked to be Vader to my cousin’s Luke Skywalker. I’d never heard of SW till that moment, and I fell headfirst into the Dark Side and in love with the galaxy far, far away! Its been the one franchise that as been a constant for me, the whole time growing up, and I’ve loved having something SW to look forward to every few years. SW and Reylo lifer! 😁😁😎😎

What made you a Reylo? Lightbulb moment!

“You are not alone.” The minute Kylo/Ben said those words, I was gone for Reylo. No true villain would give a flying fuck about his so-called adversary’s mental and emotional health. When their hands touched? I screeched in that theatre! And I may have yelled at Luke as well. Walked out and hunted for Kylo/Rey fanfics and the rest was history!

Why do you write / make art?

I do because the stories show up and make it impossible for me to do anything else but tell them. They buzz and breed and drown out all other sounds, like manic mosquitoes. They can be quite a nuisance that way, but... *throws up hands* ... I gots to do what they tell me to do! 😆

The Object of your Thirst…

Uh, do I even need to answer this? Adam Douglas Driver, Mr.Sensitive-on-a-stick, BDE Boss hisself 😎😏

Once I discovered him, all others ceased to exist for me. (Hugh, who? Chris, what?)

Which Adam look do you like the best?

I like Adam every which way, but my favorites are with facial scruff and slightly shaggy hair - Phillip Altman meets Ben Swolo. Oooh, anytime he is a sweater (or half out of one!) or with his shirtsleeves rolled up. So, um, yeah... 😁

Which Adam avatar/ role do you like the best?

Philip Altman is BAE - he always lightens my heart. And Ben Solo? He owns the frickin’ thing. So yeah, anyone who knows me, knows one ain’t enough 😏

Which part of Adam do you like the best?

His face - it’s so emotive and expressive! His eyes, those lips, that smile that launches a gazillion ships. His hands, his strong-ass arms. That glorious mane of hair. Have I mentioned them tiddies and the tree-trunk thighs?! Oh, and when he flexes his back, and...

Uh... let’s just say, everything Adam? 

Favorite Star Wars Movie

The Last Jedi was the most beautifully written and shot movie in the entire franchise, with a depth of characterization and exploration of symbolism that was brilliant. This will always rate as the best for me. A close second, and one I will always love, is Empire Strikes Back. That was quintessential Star Wars and an amazingly good watch - snark, action, angst, love, betrayal, rescue, OMFG!

What do you like to write / draw / paint the most?

Until I started writing Reylo, I’d never been able to write fiction. I could never visualize the stories. And once I started, I haven’t been able to stop! I’ll write anything Reylo, I’ll try writing anything at least once (so, yeah, there may be dark fic as well one day!). My style defaults to either mildly angsty, or humour-laced fluff, or depraved smut. So, not sure what that says about me 😂

Your TRoS Prediction

Bendemption. Reylo. *mic drop*

If you were an aesthetic... (colors, images, feels....)

Blacks, Reds, Greys, slashes of bright turquoise and white and ochre. Blue and white-striped awnings shading an alfresco cafe, overlooking a green ocean. Bright, city lights, reds and yellows glinting off the black water of a bay. A busy airport, with the scents of perfume from Duty-Free as you zoom past it.

If you were a candy bar, what would your name be?

The Ever-lasting Gobstopper 😂

What's your ideal environment for writing / creating?

In a hotel room, on my own. In the back of cab, in the window-seat of an airplane. At my desk, looking out through the window as the breeze blows through the trees, and the Burn This playlist keeps going on repeat. 

Are you a dom or sub?

Both? Both is good.

What's the most exotic/wierd place you've gotten intimate?

On the back of a bike, in the middle of the night, stopped at a traffic intersection.

What's your kink?

Size. Hands. Humour. Fidelity, and yet threesomes (go figure, I’m depraved). Mild Dom. Intelligence and thoughtfulness. Hair. Fuck it, Adam.

Use three words to describe yourself

Loyal, funny, organized-chaos (its a thing, trust me!)

Meaning behind your nick / ID name

I’ve always had Taz as a nickname, for the Warner Bros Tasmanian Devil (yes, I’ve been known to be exactly like that! 😂). Wren is a nod to Kylo Ren, and the fact that one of the earliest fanfics I read had Rey naming her son ‘Wren’ as a backhanded pointer to Kylo! So I’m, Taz, a Knight of Ren.

Are you a big spoon or little spoon?

I can be both, till I fall asleep. Then, pls leave me tf alone 😬😁

Do you like it rough or soft?

Both - why choose?!

Favorite fic you read

There are so very many in this amazing fandom! The one that I’ve loved from the beginning, though, is The Art of Broken Pieces - a beautifully written Bendemption fic. 

Favorite fic you wrote or favorite art you made

God, this is hard! My recent favorites are Brooklyn Bridge Blues, Caught Between Beats, and A Taste For Two - I like that I’m able to explore a variety of stories and emotions through them. I’m most proud of Confidences To A Stranger because I was able to explore a storytelling medium that I hadn’t before. 

Favorite SW character besides Kylo and Rey

Padme Amidala - she reminds me of my mother and grandmother, both of whom were strong women, who got shit done, while always taking care of their people. She was a queen in more than just name. Han Solo - I am weak for a scoundrel/villain/bad boy in a leather jacket, with a hardass, snarky exterior that hides a heart of gold. The reluctant hero.💙

____

Meet the other Thristies! Thirst Order Advent Calendar Day:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

cc: @tazwren @drnucleus @ashtyntaytertot @deadlikemoi @nite0wl29 @thereylowritingden @houseplaidam @housedadam @house-crylo @housereysistance @my-jedi-life @shestoolazytologin @koderenn @thoseindarkness @areylofan @lostinqueue-ffa @queenoferebor  @cosmo-gonika @roguesinside @wilsonthinks66  @dangertaylor @lilia-ula @wandering-minds-found @looc-at-me @hopelesslyreylo @ferashacosplay @andabatae-writes @semperfidani ​ @reylo-fade-to-grey @cb-lainey-schooled

[brvdleysaved]

ok first off b4 i say anythin else dnt...... judge bradley’s blog rn i dnt get my laptop bk until wednesday so i am? stranded in a photoshopless land. it’s very tragic. anyway. and scene! je suis... nai oh me..... bk again w probably my fav muse of all time so let us! leap right in! p.s. her pinterest is here

CIS FEMALE — ever hear people say BRADLEY MILLIGAN looks a lot like MARGARET QUALLEY? I think SHE is about 24, so it doesn’t really work. The PSYCHOLOGY major is a SENIOR that is from QUEENS, NY. They can be +ADVENTUROUS, but they can also be -ABRASIVE. I think BRADLEY might be SHEEP. They are living in OFF CAMPUS BUT AFFILIATED WITH BALTA. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/her. )

the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for

once drank a bottle of spiced rum, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old man’s front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried

barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%

if she was a coffee she’d be black with five grains of sugar that you couldn’t taste until the last sip

father runs a gang n strip club in queens called ‘no angels’ tht fronts an affluent drug trade, primarily coke. his name is tony milligan n his gang is p infamous around there fr being jst like…. completely cutthroat n awful. they were nicknamed ‘tony’s rottweilers’ by locals bc he bsically has all of these trained dogs on leash at his command n they’re still a growing organisation tday

he’s pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs like….. a lot of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse

in terms of more family bkground info her mum’s name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst like…. into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially “guess she didn’t love us enough to stay”. as bradley’s got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, it’s become pretty clear there was far more to the story. they had a horrible marriage n tony ws quite violent at the best of times, which didn’t help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just… not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else on top of tht, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much… would look after her a lot n they’d both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole mess. anyway im rambling bt basically tony (bradley’s dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just… got rid. bradley’s kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didn’t jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt she’s too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him

when her mum went all of her dad’s cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jst…. a steep downhill decline frm tht point onwards

she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they weren’t healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the distraction. chases a thrill like it’s the only way to remind her she’s alive. has absolutely no regard fr her own wellbeing n sometimes gets other ppl in trouble too bc she’s so insatiably reckless

high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin

she hd….2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging she’s been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly does…. not kno how to properly emotion

honestly. im probably missing a million things bc i kind of feel like a microwaved shrimp as i write this bt. basically her life is jst the worst a true… abomination! bc im evil like tht sometimes

loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u and u murder a man in cold blood she’ll brawl anyone that says ur guilty

honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes she’ll jst be having a bad day n she’ll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. a minefield!

has the worst luck in romance…. ever. the majority of her past bfs hav been absolute beasts n as a result she kind of has the ‘romance is dead n love is a lie’ mentality

speakin of which i feel like she’s bi bt wldnt have dated a girl or anythin. like guys r probably…. her preference just bc historically theyv treated her worse n she hs a very self destructive personality like that. sexy!

dresses like courtney love, 2014 sky ferreira and a character from this is england had a baby. mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hd kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently she’s allergic to combs and generally looking presentable… relatable content

personality wise she’s v sarcastic. sometimes blunt. kind of has a habit of…. assessing a person n she’s quite perceptive bc she’s been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dad’s expression fr the slightest emotion change. she’s quite confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever. sort of independent too like she hs a bunch of friends bt she doesn’t care abt going out places alone if she’s in a certain mood n jst wants…… to get into chaos. she’s probably kind of known around campus/town bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as that one girl tht always gets into anarchy

likes: fishnets, stealing cars, water guns and whiskey

dislikes: amy schumer, honesty, yellow tulips and going home

in terms of Plots

hm. mayb someone tht knows her frm home/queens??? like tht frequents no angels (her dad’s strip club) or picks up frm there or smthn

i feel like she probably deals coke bt its like. Select Dealing. like she doesn’t need....2 do it fr income or anythin she jst. gets bored n is like cool may as well mke some money n possibly get robbed ig! anythin fr the thrill! 

anyone..... shes brawled in the past like. she’s literally a menace i cnt express this enough. wil jst randomly throw a drink in someone’s face fr no reason bc she’s bored. she’s probably pissed off 1000 diff ppl in 1000 diff ways. the possibilities r endless n i jst think tht’s a sexy prospect!

fwbs perhaps??? exes??? (probably ws a tumultuous relationship wtever.... ur muse is like like bradley is. a handful)

mayb someone tht she met at an aa meeting when she hd to go fr a court mandated thing one time after bein arrested fr public indecency. i feel like there’s probably a rly expensive statue somewhere thts fancily Sculpted n she like. did a flying kick n kicked the dick of it off n gt arrested fr it

ppl she....... Goes Wild Goes Crazy w. truly jst the most self destructive person alive so anyone w a similar mindset wld b a hellish bt fun combination

on the contrary a gd influence cld b nice perhaps? like someone tht genuinely cares abt her n she jst doesn’t kno hw to compute it

um. honestly the world’s our oyster. hmu n we cn brainstorm if none of tht catches ur eye!

#livingintro #abuse tw #depression tw #hospitalisation tw #alcoholism tw #drugs tw #addiction tw #disappearance tw #murder tw #death tw #grief tw #self harm tw #alcohol tw #i think. tht covers them #this definitely. wnt show up in the tags bt....... smiles anyway

[tomioneer]

the yyh marathon continues 10 with episodes 31-33

CHU CHU CHU CHU

no, I’m not making train noises

he’s amazing.

i love chu’s stupid hair, I really do. it’s so fun to like, watch move around 

10/10 would date someone with that style ponytail. not the mohawk though, that’s too tall.

better and bigger and BUFFER than I remember damn son

speaking of sons.

soft yusuke

pure, blessed, angel baby yusuke

you’ve realized by now, of course, that I prefer his hair down, but did you ALSO KNOW that i prefer this child is garishly bright coats

no wonder I love napping!yusuke so much and remember these early matches so fondly despite what horrible shit the other kids go through

reminder that they are ALL children

except for rinku. honestly, in retrospect, presumably full-demon rinku is probably older than any of them? 

except for kurama. because. youko.

hiei is somewhere between actually fourteen in human years and like. 300 in demon years, probably.

I feel like kurama, an apparently four tailed fox (I maintain this is a lie, as kitsune can willfully appear to have less tails than they actually possess) is like. four or five hundred human years old at least

koto is a standard kitsune, by the way--transforms into a pretty girl, has one tail in her human form, and is a red fox.

I digress.

chu. chu is an adult. chu is not fourteen, so I can enjoy his shirtlessness without any qualms

koto,  oh my god: “well, they’ve burned their skin, shortened their breath, and somehow lost their shirts. altogether I’d call it a successful fight!”

relatable

they’re laughing, and it’s honestly adorable. 

they’re not hysterical, koto, they’re bonding. 

yusuke used to fight because he had nothing better to do and nothing worth staying out of trouble for, to his perception. maybe he thought it better to get killed in a fight than end up like his mom??? I can’t say

and he certainly never understood keiko’s vested interest in him

he fell in love with that kind of fighting, the carefree brawls where he always came out on top, and used them as a way to prove himself

but now he understands fighting at another level entirely, where his life really is in danger, and the stakes are higher than he’d previously imagined they could be. this isn’t about territory or revenge, he’s been saving lives

and he loves it, and so does this random stranger he’s ended up fighting

of course chu comes back as an ally later

he’s one of the first people yusuke’s ever understood on such a resonant level

thanks for the dramatic preview, kurama, but I really wouldn’t call them perfectly matched

in a fight bewtween two people of equal skill, the bigger one usually wins

or so says anita blake in laughing corpse, a book I havne’t read in ten years lol

so I have a thing for supernatural detectives, sue me

I ran out of ice cream ten episdes and 2 days ago. in retrospect, It hought I was going through these episodes faster than that

knife-edge death match

why is he australian

have I asked that yet, because I’m asking

koenma doens’t like the sound of that but I rmember how this goes and I LOVE IT

shizuru makes a dick measuring joke

watching chu remove his shoes is my new sexuality

btw if you don’t know what ‘toe off your shoes is’ in fanfiction, please watch this sequence because chu does it and yusuke does not

yusuke, I will say again, is a CHILD

yusuke loves the rules of this fight and if it weren’t amanga where he’s not aloud to use the same sort of fight more than once for fear of boring readers, I guarnatee ytou yusuke would do this more often

I can’t believe yusuke and chu are both just standing there in that position waiting with their feet on the sharpened edges of knife blades while the cimmitte decides whether or not a death match is allowed in a death match

yusuke is so small

ominous dark clouds that I missed bc I was typing lol

boys just punch okay

oooh and they even light the fight fo us, interesting

koenma somehow doesn’t recognize someone he knows and has known for years, according to the genkai tournament arc.

yusuke has to reach a lot farther to hit chu

karasu showed up like the little bitch he is

are those tiny eyeglasses on his mask, because if so that is BEYOND STUPID

karasu has a crush on yusuke, I know because his eyes shone and he’s gay

no, I don’t ship it

I could almost ship yusuke and chu though lol

I DO half-ship chu and koto

what the hell, I count them both

ship count: 6/400

kuwabara: I could watch them fight for hours... 

keiko, immediately: I can’t watch them fight anymore!

knowing how this match ends really makes it funny that  the dub, when those plant zombies showed up, had yusuke ask Kurama if he should headbutt them  

shizuru makes an totally unacceptable, but still funny, joke about yusuke having died once already (because they don’t know he pretty much died a second time against rando, and a third time against suzaku)

keiko runs off and shizuru chases her

is this why shizuru meets sakyo? he left his viewing room earlier so I bet it is

I remember shipping them as a kid, let’s see how that goes this time

this is pretty cool actually

she dresses like a first calss gay, honestly

I wishi I could pull that sort of look off

SAKYO hey who guessed he’d show up here , not me

he is beautiful

I actually forgot that this whole time, my favorite fight was going on

I can’t beleive keiko actually got into the fighter’s area and made it onto the field that girl is fucking unstoppable

Keiko, crying: Kuwabara, you have to make them stop fighting!

Kuwabara, clueless: no way, why would I wanna do that?

classic

I read a theory online that kuwabara used to be friends with keiko and yusuke when they were all little, and it has totally changed the way I see it whenever these two interact.

kuwabra genuinely tries to explain this fighter’s mindset to a noncombatant. he is a good, patient boy

yusuke is loving this fight

so is chu

rinku’s internal observations are completely different in the subtitles, saying that chu still has something hidden up his sleeve and it waitinf or the right time to use it, where in english he says that hie wishes the reast of team urameshi had given such a good fight, so rinku could have ‘given his yo-yo a workout’ which is a terrible euphemism for... using his yo yo weapons.

I’m surprised we haven’t gotten more shots of their feet against knives, bleeding

as I went  to type that, we get the first shot of exactly that, as yusuke goes in for his own headbutt to counter chu’s

which was aparently the ‘secret weapon’ rinku meant in the subs

yusuke has beautiful eyes

chu’s head BROKE THE FLOOR

yusuke called chu mate, I dig it

yusuke and kuwabara are cute and gay

oh, they are extra gay when they do sidehugs

I can’t believe that of this whole team only two people are left

yusuke is my hero

he just yelled loudly enough to shup up the entire arena of spectators

“if you idiots got something to say, say it! but say it to my face, or else say it to my fist.” 

that’s a badly written but highly epic and kickass line

I have NO IDEA what chu just said because the audio broke and he has am AUSTRALIAN ACCENT

son of a--

the narrator just fucking punned

yusuke flipped off the toguro kyoudai, and the screen does the dramatic stylized freeze, and the narrator goes, “yusuke may be flippant now”

YOU SUCK

but also it’s a good joke I hate it

where did keiko go during the dramatic pan over the team anyway, she was down there with them.

I rewound and she is Not There.

WHYYYY did they even make Chu say anything??? he doesn’t in the japanese version, there are no subs for him

I really miss the old ED. I love the images for this one, the keiko focus. but. it doesn’t have the same energy. it’s not a jam

now that I thinka bout it, the photograph at the end of that ED could only have been taken in universe on the return trip from the tournament, so I should never have worried that hiei or kurama or kuwabara actually died.

I’m so glad for this arc if only because it’s means all these casual clothes for our cast, and I love that

look how high wasted yusuke’s jeans are, I love it, Ireally do. BOYS , wear high waisted jeans.

during purely internal monolgue, dub yusuke gives a fraction of the information sub yusuke gives by just saying “damn it” instead of “I can’t focus my reiki, why??”

kuwabara’s outside, coincidentally passing by where yusuke is, because hs’ not psychic and ISN’T LOOKING FOR HIM cuz he’s not gay

look, I realize I’m calling yusuke and kuwabara gay a lot. I don’t mean literally gay. 

they are obviously bisexual, or pan, or demi.

I just mean they fall under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, which is in my region frequently shortened to “gay”

Kuwabara immediaetly ruins my theory by straight up admitting to looking for yusuke and wondering why he wasn’t left a note

kuwabara (paraphrased): I wanna have a team meeting

yusuke, a smarty who already knows he ain’t straight: have a meeting with yourself, then. you’ll learn a lot.

kuwabara, who clearly needs more time: what does that mean?

justas I was about to say tha tI couldn’t beleive they just--left genkai in the room alone, we see that genkai is actually stalking her student now that she’s bored of intimadting kuwabara

we just--that’s the ichigaki team

those poor men

those three poor, wonderul men

I remember nothing about those two demon members of the team but now I’m getting flashes of--delaying hiei and kurama?

thank you kurama, you nerd, for bothering to do research on the next team

yusuke, who now trains on his own time even after running out of reiki: why am I so damn tired?

is this. a filler villain? or did togashi really come up with a character who manifests rubgy balls and calls himself rugby

WHY is the dub so far off the sub right now? there’s no lip flap to match!!

this is awful

buys a fucking gymnast

well he lasted for three minutes before getting killed by his own teammate

GENKAI SPEAKS BLESS HER

oh man yusuke thought is was genkai and is now confused as fuck by this young voice amazing

but why the fuck does she sound young, when she hasn’t exerted herself at all that day

she just, fucking tells them about hiei fucking up his arm

baby YOU KNEW you were making that trade, you KNEW

botan looks a lot like sailor moon right now

keiko confimrs that she is aware yusuke has the hots for her, but also that she can see how happy he is here in the tournament

shizuru’s ass is AMAZING

it’s shocking to think neither hiei nor kurama could tell toguro was alive when they were just a room away from him

why are yususke’s eyes glowing

that whole team is huge, how did rugby even make it on that team lol

‘don’t you have a team?’ “of course I do, but they’re extremely lazy” amazing.

I mean, we know they brothers are famous, but it makes so much more sense WHY they are famous--having previously WON the dark tournament

I wouldn’t be opposed to a movie or something about that tournament, honestly. I want to se more of toguro when he was human. 

I wonder how genkai feels weatching him do this

toguro is sort of like an early saitama, if you strip away personality. their drive at this point is similar from what I know of OPM. 

okay so the dub has creepy-possessive implcations thanks to toguro saying (about yusuke) “that boy is reserved for me”. the SUB on the other hand--toguro just says, ‘it’s a bad day to be a large guy, huh?’ which is fucking. amazing. bold. iconic.

yusuke is sitting next to the previous LOVE of toguro’s LIFE, and he doesn’t even notice her. just yusuke. I guess amask really can hide everything?

I’m stunned they aren’t having more trouble  about sittin ght eaudience that was calling for their blood yesterday.

of course yusuke and his friends have to deal with an extra match lol. 

okay but what’s up with this reigun thing. I don’t remember it at all. 

I guess we just really need to see genkai fight.

i do love and admire her a lot.

on the other hand, I do NOT want to see the vs. dr. ichigaki fight. I remember it pretty well I think? and it was just so--upsetting. 

did we uh. ever get a NAME for the younger toguro brother???

#yyh rewatch #yyh #dark tournament saga #dark tournament arc #chu #rinku #urameshi yusuke #yukimura keiko #koto #kuwabara shizuru #toguro the younger #team rokuyoukai

[angelkurenai]

Imagine Jared and Misha teasing Jensen because you, his favorite actress and celebrity crush, got a part in Supernatural and he acts like a fanboy.

“So how's it going guys? It's been quite some time since I last saw you and so much has changed!” the interviewer said with a smile as the three men nodded their heads.

“Oh yeah definitely! I mean I- I died, so there's that.” Misha said with a shrug and Jared and Jensen snickered “You know-” he spoke up again, raising a finger “I think the only sad thing about it is that it wasn't Jared that did it, it's sad for him at least.” he looked at the taller man you nodded his head with a grin.

“Agree, absolutely agree! So I am just here and apologizing to you Misha, I will try harder next time to convince the writers to let me do that!” he said and Misha laughed himself.

“Well, glad to know you guys are taking well to that!” she laughed.

“Oh yeah, he's a Winchester. He'll be back, we don't worry about that.” Jensen shook his head and Misha grinned.

“I love just how normal this sounds in the fandom to be honest!” she chuckled “Speaking of which: there has been a new addition to it, right?”

“Uh the Nephilim, right?” Jared spoke up with a smile “Yeah, I am sure this will be so much fun, we have already filmed a couple scenes and I've read some of the future scenes too and it's all so much I honestly didn't know they could take it this far! I really think he's one of the most interesting characters we've ever had.”

“That's amazing, try not to kill him to fast boys.” she chuckled an they laughed.

“Well, I'll- I'll try to hold Jared back since he wants to turn this into Friday the 13th all of a sudden!” Jensen said with a grin, pointing at his friend.

“Me or you? Dude, we need to avenge our friend's death even if he is not directly responsible!” Jared shook hs head with a laugh.

“You said you'd like to kill me yourself just a second ago!” Misha exclaimed and Jared shrugged.

“That's exactly what I mean. Took away the perfect opportunity!” he said so simply that it actually made everybody laugh.

“Glad to see you still love each other just as much as the first day, even after all these years.” she said with a giggle.

“Oh trust me!” Jensen piped in “I still want to off both of them just as much as the first day of meeting them!”

“Seriously?” Misha laughed at him as Jensen grinned “What am I supposed to say then you assholes?” he said in disbelief and Jensen shook his head, laughing wholeheartedly.

“Yes, yes we really are a family here as you can see!” Jared said with a big smile.

“That is great to see then.” she chuckled, flipping through her card for the next question “Other than this one addition to the show, one we've really been waiting for actually there was one that has been announced this summer and it really surprised everybody! I'm talking about a new ally that we may not know the actual name of but know is going to be one hell of an appearance since she's portrayed by an amazing actress as (Y/n)!” she said with a grin and Misha and Jared smiled widely as the glanced at Jensen, whose head hang low.

“Oh there we go.” he mumbled and she raised an eyebrow.

“And that would mean?” she asked as she too a look at the snickering Jared and Misha.

“You know I actually thought I was going to avoid the embarrassment but nope, here comes possibly the worst moments of my life.” Jensen rested his chin on his palm and sighed, a little too dramatically.

“Why so?”

“You'll see. Oh you'll see.” Jensen mumbled, glancing at his friends from the corner of his eyes.

“Oh relax, we're not gonna embarrass you... a lot.” Misha said with a shrug as Jensen scoffed.

“Well, let me explain everything cause you seem confused.” Jared got on a serious face and Jared just hid his face behind his hands at what was coming “Jensen is a fan of (Y/n)'s. Like not the normal kind, if there is that, no. Not the 'Oh I love your movies, can I have an autograph?' absolutely not. He's more like- Do you remember Becky from the show?” he asked and she nodded her head.

“Yeah, yeah I do. That kind of fan?”

“No, no.” he shook his head “Worse! Actually much much worse!” he exclaimed and Misha snickered “He's seen all of her movies at least ten times each, and his favorites- oh those I can't even count. He knows the dialogs better than the actors that have actually been in them. And he's seen every interview she's ever had, like every one of them I am not kidding you! And- and Chuck forbid if she uploads a photo or video on any of her social media oh dear! The first like will always be his! Always I swear!”

“And he sure as hell won't stop talking or at least thinking about it all day!” Misha spoke up, looking at Jensen who was shaking his head with a small whine leaving his lips “He hasn't commented on any of them, not yet but oh Castiel help anyone that dares say they are her biggest fan! Nope, they don't live to see the next day come!” he shook his head “Absolutely not! And let's not get started when someone mentions her, he will pop in worse than Castiel himself! He almost gave one of the make up artists a heart attack!”

“So as you expect-” Jared wet on from then “When we found out that she had actually audition for a role in Supernatural, we did our best to avoid him at all costs!”

“Why that?”

“Because he was a mess of nerves and stuttering and awkwardness. Dean around a woman has nothing in common with what he was just at the mere thought she'd be on set with us! He'd ask questions about himself, and what she'd think and then thing of everything that could go wrong and all the ways he could embarrass himself in front of her!” Jared said with a chuckle as the only thing Jensen could do was mumble 'I hate you's.

“Wow I really think that filming this season is going to be interesting then huh?”

“Oh I'm already sure we'll have the best gag reel ever!” Misha said proudly and Jared nodded his head.

“We can't wait for the teasing- er I mean shooting to begin!” he said and Misha snickered.

“I- I don't really know why I hang out with these guys anymore.” Jensen huffed, shifting in his seat.

“Well, although Jared and Misha made it pretty clear I'd like to ask you Jensen if you have anything to say about (Y/n) being in Supernatural?”

“Well, uhm I'm sorry for a moment I was too caught up planning their deaths.” Jensen cleared his throat, blinking.

“Pff as if. He's too caught up thinking about her. Cough – celebrity crush for life – cough some more.” Jared said with a smirk and Jensen only rolled his eyes.

“I'm gonna try to ignore the moose and uhm say that, honestly and all jokes aside I was really excited that we were going to have such an amazing actress on the show. It's not every day an oscars' winner wants to be part of this. I know she declined several movies to be able to be here with us, at least for this season and if that's not honoring enough I don't know what is.” he shrugged “I think- honestly, know she is going to do an amazing job in bringing this character to life and give her the depth and feelings she really needs and yeah maybe it's the fan in me talking but I really think this is going to be my favorite season so far!”

“Alright, it's great to hear that from you guys now.” she flipped through her cards, her eyebrows shot up once she read the question.

“Oh wow, alright- so I have a you could say question here that has been sent by the actual authors of the show to me. They told me they wanted the reactions captured on camera and I couldn't understand then but now I really do understand.” she chuckled, catching their attention.

“They said they wanted to tell it to you when giving out the script for the next episode you have to film but found this as a great opportunity to let you, especially Jensen, know.” she looked at them.

“I'm... kinda scared now.” he mumbled.

“They're killing you off dude!” Jared said with a snicker “Shame you won't have a scene with your princess.” he said and only got a hit on the head from him.

“Uh actually quite the opposite.” she spoke up “To Jensen: How does it feel being told that (Y/n)'s character is going to be Dean's most serious love interest along with everything that comes with that?”

#supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural x reader #supernatural one shot #jensen #jensen ackles #jensen x reader #jensen ackles x reader #jensen imagine #jensen ackles imagine #jensen one shot #jensen ackles one shot #dean #dean winchester #dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean imagine #dean winchester imagine

[whyldkratts]

for the ask meme: all of them, but if thats too much maybe just the last 10?

Sorry for the long post aaaa1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? [I bought lottery tickets bc I was in texas and they’re not legal where I live and the cashier at the gas station didn’t even ask for my id. I tried to show him and he just shook his head and let me go???? He didnt even care wtf]2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? [Nah]3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? [Yea a little bit. I mean if it was just occasionally that’s probably fine? But a lot of my family has fucked up their entire lives with drugs so anything like that is iffy for me. It depends on how often they smoke ultimately]4: Do you find it easy to trust others? [I’d say yeah, probably. As long as you don’t fuck me over or guilt me within the first few weeks of knowing me id probably feel comfortable messaging you if I needed someone to talk to]5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? [Scrolling Tumblr]6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? [Probably my irl bffs lindy and raven!]7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? [Dump them. Adios fucker. I hope they’re happy with whoever they cheated on me with]8: Are you close with your dad? [Yeah I’d say so? I love him and he usually let’s me do my thing]9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? [Nah]10: What are you listening to? [Run by hozier]11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? [Sweet tea!!!! I’m from the south baby]12: Do you like hickeys? [Never has one so I don’t know!]13: What time do you go to bed? [Uhhhhhh 5am?]14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? [My siblings.]15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? [Nope I fuck up spelling a lot and have to go back and fix it no matter how many hands I’m typing with]16: Do you always answer your texts? [I try!! Unless I’m emotionally tired or forget]17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? [No. She’s my best friend now, actually]18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? [LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO I was complaining about how long it car ride home is]19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? [My irlbest friends, the cars discord chat I’m in, and a lot of my wk friends]20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? [I was writing ducktales fanfiction in my head]21: Is anyone else in the room with you? [I’m in a car with my mom for the next uhhh 7 hours?]22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? [Karmas a bitch]23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? [I was visiting family in Indiana, so yea probably? Tho I am pretty happy now too]24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? [Sometimes, with my old pal cat. She did some bad things so I stopped talking to her, but sometimes I want to catch up and see how she’s doing.]25: In the past week, have you cried? [YEAH over a darkwing duck episode]26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? [Grey. It has Mickey mouse on it!]27: Do people ever call you by your last name? [Noooope]28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? [I wouldn’t know]29: Do you have a best friend? [YEAH everyone in the cars discord and raven and lindy]30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? [No it was my great grandma lol]31: Who was your last call/text message from? [Call: red cross asking for my blood. Text: raven saying “dang”]32: Are you mad at anyone? [Not really? I don’t get angry very easily at all]33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? [When I was a freshman I was dating a junior]34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? [My great grandma! 88 I think]35: How many more days until your birthday? [LIKE a whole entire year. August 2nd]36: Do you have any summer plans yet? [Help my friend after her spine surgery p much. Visit family around the 4th of july]37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? [I have tons of girl friends!! All my best friends are girls (except em but they’re a good friend still!!!)]38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? [Lindy doesn’t know I’m trans]39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? [Uhhhhhhhhhhh next question]40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? [I try not to regret things like that]41: Do you think age matters in relationships? [UH YEAH?? An adult dating a minor ain’t my deallll]42: Are you available? [Lmfao yeah but don’t hold your breath I’m awful at relationships]43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? [My ex and bff dksdkdiajsai kill Me. I’ve had small crushes but I don’t rly let them grow too much if I realize they’re poppin up]44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? [Septum]45: Do you believe exes can be friends? [Yeah!!!!! I just reconnected with my ex from freshmen year and he’s cool]46: Do you regret anything? [Times where my mouth moved before my head could think and I hurt someone I cared about. Times where I didn’t listen. Times where I hesitated. But the past is a different country, and I try not to waste the present lamenting what I could’ve done.]47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? [Home. And the mistakes I’ve made.]48: Did you ever lose a best friend? [Yeah. She moved away and we just… talked less, and less, and less.]49: Was your last kiss a mistake? [Nah it was my great grandma]50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? [They have a bf and also dont like me plus im unlovable and bad at relationships and feelings *shrug emoji* the other person I’m interested in lives too far away and also doesn’t like me like that]51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? [Twas my gg and probably when I was a baby]52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? [All these last kiss ones are so angsty and sad and it was literally my grandma 5 hours ago I’m laughing]53: What was the last thing you ate? [McDonald’s French fries!!!!!]54: Did you get any compliments today? [Nah I’m in my road trip attire so I look like a mess]55: Where are you going on your next vacation? [New Orleans in October for voodoo fest!! Gonna see the foo fighters B)]56: Do you own anything from other countries?[I think I have Canadian money somewhere…]57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?[girls!!]58: Where have you lived most of your life?[Sweet Home Alabama]59: When was the last time you took a long drive?[DOING IT RN!!!!! 13 HOURS]60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?[yea but it was like, mashed up with truth or dare. Instead of kissing we asked them truth or dare]61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?[nah I’m pretty mild]62: Who do you text the most?[raven probably? Or max]63: What was the last movie you saw?[spirited away I think??? First time I ever saw it]64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?[I’m single, don’t remind me :P]65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?[I was 12 and right smack dab in the middle of my ugly awkward phase (thays still going on today!) So I had none lmao]66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?[nah]67: Do you curse around your parents?[GOOD LORD NO]68: Are you happy with where you live?[I? Hate Alabama. My city is okay but I want to move somewhere nicer]69: Picture of yourself? [I have a selfie tag. I would upload but I’m lazy. Maybe if I find a pic I like later I will]70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?[polyamory All the wayy!!!!! But monogamy is cool too]71: Have you ever been dumped?[probably in elementary school but I don’t remember? I usually am the one to end it bc I get freaked out and skittish around people genuinely caring about me so I break it up before they’re disappointed]72: What do you most like about making out?[being comfortable and close enough with someone to do it.]73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?[yup!]74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?[depends? I’ve asked to kiss someone and I’ve been asked equal amounts.]75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?[eyes? Idk there’s a lot that goes into finding someone attractive it’s hard to narrow it down]76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?[my mom]77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?[virgin]78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?[virgin]79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?[Any cartoon character I’m currently hyperfixated on]80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?[yes. But i would go slow and I wouldn’t want to meet their child until we were both sure this was something we wanted long term.]81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?[no its usually me? Wait i take that back!! One girl did while I was in hs but I’m pretty sure she only did it bc she just figured out her sexuality and I was queer and there.]82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?[nope I bottle that shit up!!!! But if it’s a long standing crush I’ll tell a few people eventually]83: Do you miss your last sweetie?[No.]84: Last time you slow danced with someone?[my friend Franklin at prom. We pretended to be spies on a mission forced to act casual as we scoped out potential enemies]85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?[??? Don’t like the skeptical quote marks. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, yes.]86: How can I win your heart?[just like…… be nice to me, ever, and I’m into it. Talk about things you like, ask me about things I like, try and get into/understand my interests and I’ll do the same?? Don’t make fun of me and don’t belittle my interests. The bar is low]87: What is your astrological sign?[leo]88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?[sleeping]89: Do you cook?[pasta!!!!!!!]90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?[yeah!!! 3 years of no talking and I reconnected with max recently]91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?[uh it’s complicated. Yes but idk if I’m in a good place for a relationship. I haven’t even begun to transition at all.]92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?[you say that like I could get multiple people to date me]93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?[nice dress style?? Glasses are good too. Idk questions like this are hard augh]94: Name four things that you wish you had![money, a job, plush darkwing duck toy, a car]95: Are you a player?[no]96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?[nooooope]97: Are you a tease?[hahahahaha no]98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?[nope!!! Not yet]99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?[maybe. But I don’t think you can love someone too deeply who doesn’t love you back]100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?[sure, plenty]101: Hugs or Kisses?[both??? Both is good]102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?[It’s Not shyness, it’s rejection I have a problem with]103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?[girls are pretty]104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?[Yeah I guess]105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?[If it was an open relationship and everyone knew the situation, then yea prob?? If not, then no.]106: Do you flirt a lot?[not really]107: Your last kiss?[my grandmaaaaa]108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?[not in a romantic way]109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?[not in a romantic way]110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?[next question]111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?[nope!! It’s a hopefully nice surprise for future me]112: Does someone like you currently?[probably not lol but ive got no idea!!]113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?[sure]114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?[I want to fall in love.]115: Ever made out with just a friend?[yeah]116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?[in a relationship I think?]117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.[just send me an ask and ill answer it]

This got a bit of self hatred dashed in there whoops sorry!!!

[thesnakesaid]

1Q84 by Haruki Murakami

#44: A book that was originally written in a different language

Oh man... I feel like it is so appropriate that I finally finished my 2015 (!!!) book list with this book because I have such a long history with it, and that history only got longer as I read it.

I’ve probably written on here before that I had a creative writing professor in college who once said that the first and last lines of your story are your “prime real estate,” and that you have to make sure that you fill that space with something good. I think that 1Q84 has to be the best example of this I’ve ever experienced, because my first encounter with it was when I randomly plucked it off the shelf at Barnes and Noble due to its rather striking cover. The opening chapter (which really is equivalent to the first line of a short story, given that this book is well over 1000 pages long) introduces the reader to Aomame, who is dressed to the nines in a taxi on her way to what she describes as a business venture, but you later find out is actually a hit job. She finds herself stuck in standstill traffic and is worried about making it to her destination on time when her cab driver lets her know that there is an emergency stairway leading from the freeway to the street below that she can take if it’s a dire emergency. She agrees that this is her best course of action, but before she leaves the cab, he issues the following warning:

...you’re about to do something. out of the ordinary. Am I right? [...] And after you do something like that, the everyday look of things might seem to change a little. Things may look different to you than they did before. I’ve had that experience myself. But don’t let appearances fool you. There’s always only one reality.

I didn’t get much farther than this the first time I opened the book. I didn’t get to the part where you discover that her “meeting” at the hotel was really so she could kill a man, or the part where you learn that she is a hired assassin who strictly targets men who have committed violence against women. I didn’t get to meet any of the characters I would go on to love, such as the Dowager, the rich old woman who runs a battered women’s shelter and hires Aomame to take out domestic abusers, or Tamaru, the dowager’s gay bodyguard who quietly and professionally arranges everything necessary to make these hit jobs a success. I didn’t learn about any of the strange magic and alternate timelines that would have me on tenterhooks for the rest of the story in this first chapter. All I got was this enigmatic warning from a taxi driver that going down this particular stairway at this particular time of day might create a change in reality worthy of being forewarned about. But this was enough to keep 1Q84 in the back of my head for the ensuing years between the first time I saw it on the shelf and the day I actually picked it up to read it for real.

That was probably back in 2011 or 2012. I picked the book back up in October 2018 and instantly became enamored with Aomame, and found myself reading passages about her to Zebby so frequently that after only a hundred or so pages, she asked me to start reading entire chapters aloud to her. It wasn’t long ago that we had a great time reading Good Omens aloud to each other, so we ended up taking on the extremely daunting task of reading the next 1000 pages of the book aloud to each other.

That took five months.

And now I’m here, writing a review for this book, and I still haven’t talked about what the book is about nor stated directly how I feel about it.

Well, with regards to the plot summary: I’ve omitted that on purpose. The deepest, most essential storyline in this book is very simple: Aomame and Tengo are two people who fell in love when they were ten years old, and seek to find each other after 20 years apart. However, this storyline is inextricably wrapped in many other stories, and I know that no description I could think of would possibly do the plot justice without making it seem convoluted. Suffice to say that this book is a love story, yes, but also a science fiction, an adventure, a mystery, and a fantasy story all rolled up into one.

And regarding my feelings on it: I LOVED it. There were so many moments throughout these pages that I found myself gasping and screaming because of some narrative gambit Murakami had pulled - a sudden crossing of two storylines or the introduction of just the exact right piece of information to make 12 other things fall into place. There was so much in this story to think about and obsess over. Zebby and I probably spent hours cumulatively stopping to discuss what just happened or speculate what was going to happen next. It was unlike any book or story I’ve ever read before.

All this being said, I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone - the pace of the story is slow even though a lot of things happen in it, and the ending left a lot more questions unanswered than I would have liked. Zebby and I discussed this too when we finally reached the end. But what I said to her is what I will say here: 1Q84 won my allegiance early on. There is very little he could have done with the ending to make me end the book feeling like I didn’t love it.

Plus, there is one more factor working in this book’s favor that has nothing to do with the book at all - 

I’M DONE WITH MY 2015 READING LIST!!!!!

As a random note to anyone who might actually read these, I made myself a book list based on a Pop Sugar reading challenge way back in college and have been using it to guide my reading ever since. I have developed this crazy system of rules for myself with regards to how to proceed through the list: I use a number randomizer to choose which book I’m going to read next, no skipping or reading ahead on the list unless I’m about to go on a long drive and the book I randomly selected doesn’t have an available audiobook, and no quitting on books. Despite all these rules, I have no qualms about reading books that are not on my list when the spirit moves me, and I never intended to even attempt to read the entirety of a given list in one year, so I don’t care that I finished my 2015 reading list in 2019.

But now that I’m done with this list, it is really cool to look back on how my life has changed since I started the list. Among other things, I

Graduated from college

Moved to a new city

Started and finished grad school

Moved again

Started at a job that I love and I’m good at and I’ve always dreamed of doing

Reignited my love of reading

To be clear on that last point, I really never lost my love of reading, but like most people at least at some point in their HS/college careers, I definitely stopped reading for fun for a long period of time. Starting this challenge literally flipped a switch for me, and I went from reading very few books per year that weren’t assigned by a class to reading 20+ books a year consistently for the last 4 years (and given that I’m at 8 books so far in February, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to match that pace this year!).

So I’m grateful to have read 1Q84 and I’m grateful to have started and finished this challenge, and I’m grateful to be proceeding on to the 2016 reading challenge!

February 24, 2019

#1q84 #haruki murakami

[otakugeddon]

O-O

SO so much going on in Otaku-land. First up: I'm now 100% current with the Shokugeki no Soma manga. So....partially a win, partially devastating, lol (Someone suggest something for me to read, STAT. I mean, I have a To Read list but I'm blowing through stuff fast enough I need to add more to it, Post-haste!). Second, I'm almost finished with the first 3 event routes in the current Samurai Love Ballad Party event. I usually do each route twice since they're generous with time, but we'll see. I should have already been redoing Nobunaga by this point but I slacked a little. Buuuut I'll be done with Kojuro by tonight & redoing Nobunaga (he may be a Son of a Bitch but he's MY Son of a Bitch, damnit!). I'm finally getting the last few things I wanted to do in Hakuoki 3D done so I can send it back to GameFly. Probably renting Code: Realize, but not 100% sure. There's quite a few PS Vita games I REALLY wanna' play (since visual novels & JRPGS are crack to me & the 3DS doesn't get near enoigh of those). And speaking of the Vita! I finally got my hands on Persona 4 Golden for Vita. Yes, this is my first Persona game. Don't judge me. XD I literally hadn't even heard of Persona until Q was coming out (no fucking idea how since I adore Shin Megami), sooo I'm trying to play catch up. Planning on buying the others from the PS Store soon, with 3 being the next one I'm buying (so I'll have played 3 & 4 and understand the characters in Q), but am super stoked to finally get to play 4. I've heard amaaazing things about it. I'm also REALLY looking forward to Persona 5. And finally! I've been hoarding Lapis in Brave Exvius for awhile, waiting for a really good banner to do an 11 pull on. I'd had over 50 tickets that I've used on other banners, which got me some decent units but not necessarily stuff I needed direly. However, I desperately needed a really solid, front running mage. So, when I saw Trance Terra (who is incredibly highly rated as a mage), I was stoked. However, I almost never pull native 4 stars, let alone native 5 stars. Well, lo and behold, I took a chance and it paid off. Big time. Not only did I get my 1st Native 5 star, I got Exdeath (another exceptional mage), several more of "normal" Terra to work on her trust mastery and levels (she's pretty awesome in her own right), and all around, I was incredibly pleased with the pull. Still grinding away at the KHUx Union event, Unison League Miku-chan event, & Valkyrie Chronicle Fate Stay/Night event. There is, of course, always other mobile events going on and I'm sure there's something else I can't think of at the moment, lol. Things seem to be working out my way quite a bit lately and it's awesome. It's not Otaku-involved but some examples being getting to play in the pre-release for the new Magic The Gathering Expansion with my brother this weekend, my best friend paying for me to see one of my favorite bands of all time (since I was 13) in concert with Taiki-kun, GIR (little brother), & Zaran (adopted brother / best friend from HS since I was 15), AND for me & Taiki to get to do the VIP meet & greet so I can spend time with the band. Best. Birthday. Present. Ever. So all around? Things are doing good and it's nice. Hopefully, we'll get to watch Doctor Who before MTG tonight, and this weekend we'll get caught up on Dragon Ball Super, too (We're one or two episodes behind). Also really hoping we can start Attack on Titan Season 2. Kind of dying to. XD I even did the registration thing on Funimation's site to be assigned to a regiment --- I got the Scout Regiment without even trying which made me far more excited than it should. But our current mission is to watch AoT S2 and I AM FAILING. O_O (This is where I mention that my purse is Attack on Titan, Scout Regiment style and fucking awesome).

#attack on titan #dragon ball super #samurai love ballad party #persona 4 #final fantasy brave exvius