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thehighpriestexx420 · 6 months

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PAC (Gif) Tarot Reading :

🔮 Your Connection With Your Specific Person 🔮

This reading includes what you both currently are in your connection, your challenges, & your unifying force.

Take a moment to ask yourself & sense which gif calls out to you. If more than one does, there are multiple messages for you. If one calls out to you instantly/significantly more, then this message is specifically meant for you & will resonate the most.

Piles are 1-4 & are in order.

💖 I offer a more detailed & accurate version of this Connection spread for $20. The rest of my services are pinned & start at $5. You get a FREE one question reading & reiki session when you follow & reblog my pinned post 👇. 💖

Pile One :

My abilities have been getting stronger & as a consequence, this message is a bit longer than my usual pick-a-card readings. If long formats aren't your thing, feel free to skim or take a look at my other PACs!

There's been something or someone trying to get in-between you two to disrupt your union. This attempt hasn't truly been successful. This 3rd party is in the picture but not in a union with your SP. You & your SP are truly in a union energy. You truly know eachother, are connected, & share a bond.

This 3rd party may have been a sex addiction, porn addiction, or some kind of fling. I'm not really getting cheating/betrayal vibes. The energy is more fitting of a situation where you've been dating someone & they haven't been forthcoming that they're dating/hooking up with others. If this is the case, it doesn't have anything to do with a lack of interest in you - it stems from insecurity and consequently an urge to have a back up plan.

This union may be triggering other unhealthy traits/traumas because of how scared they are of the amount of interest they have in you. They haven't been the type of person to put their all into someone for fear of getting hurt. But now that they've met you, for the 1st time or the 1st time in a while, they actually want to overcome these challenges for you & them. This is why they've been acting up/their behavior has changed.

For a significant amount of you, your SP literally has commitment issues. This has become apparent due to you either waiting to get engaged or them getting cold feet after your engagement.

There may be back & forth, hot & cold, in & out energy. Alot of you have an on & off again relationship with them. They have an avoidant attachment type.

I'm seeing someone who's had a difficult life & isn't well off financially as a consequence. I'm seeing someone with a low quality car being frustrated because they don't have enough gas money.

Criticism of self & others are a main theme with them. Try not to take it personally as best you can. They only do this because they don't have much hope for their life/relationships. They have a tendency to keep people at arm's length in general. It's for self-protection as they've had several experiences that have told them it's abundantly necessary.

With that being said, just because you shouldn't take it personally doesn't mean you should just deal with it. Your challenge is to love yourself first & set boundaries.

I feel like you're afraid that if you do that, that will only motivate them to distance themselves further. That may or may not be the case. That wouldn't be your fault. At all. Dont allow others to blame you for their own shortcomings.

There's still hope for this connection because, as I said, they're actually motivated to better themself for you. Despite them being a little embarrassed & not too forthcoming about how passionate & excited they are about you. You're not like anyone they've met before.

Weird note: I saw the letter "P" in this reading as a synchronicity a handful of times. Maybe you or them have a name that starts with P? Maybe their "PP" is a main theme in your connection? 😂

You've been seeking knowledge about this connection. Someone/something (article, youtube vids, this very reading, etc.) has been mentoring you. I'm seeing that someone(s) doesn't approve of your SP & are urging you to dump their ass for good.

I can't say I blame them too much because for some of you they don't treat you very well. They aren't as they appear to be & these people don't know them like you do. You're a little lost & in the dark about this situation. It's recommended you start thinking for yourself.

You have some learning & growth to do, especially in the mental, logic, & communication realm.

You both have 7 of Swords in your Unifying Force so I'm seeing that because of their lack of transparency with their feelings & what they're going through (even outright lying for some), you've been motivated to do the same. You've been looking at tarot readings hoping to find the answer instead of going to the direct source.

I'm seeing that you should find a balance with this. Check in with your own intuition to see if they're telling the truth & only *consider* others' opinions. Open your heart & feelings to them to potentially inspire them to do the same. Make an attempt to end the cycle. Initiate a heart-to-heart conversation.

You both want to take this relationship to the next level & are motivated to overcome these challenges in order to do so. The question is how much are you both willing to sacrifice & do you have enough knowledge/experience in order to have a healthy relationship. You may have to have more individual experiences first. You may not reunite at all, which is ok. What's meant to be is. And everything is for your highest interest, regardless of if you're currently aware of that or not.

For most of you, you've been given the "Very Soon" card so as long as you get your mind clear, it's very likely to inspire them to do the same. There's a high possibility of a reunion coming soon.

Pile Two :

There's no current equal give & take in this connection. Your focus is too outside yourself & their focus is too inside themself.

They've disconnected from you while you're still trying to force the connection, whether energetically or through action. For alot of you I'm seeing the type of energy where you're double texting despite them not responding the first time. You may actually be doing this, have sent a flurry of uninvited texts, & have sent angry ones.

Life goes on & it has to change one way or the other. I'm seeing there's a *major* change in this connection. Like, you're starting a whole new life with them. It won't be *smooth* sailing, as your SP has some turbulence to deal with, but you will indeed be making this huge transition. I'm actually seeing air travel so perhaps you'll be going on a vacation/road trip to several locations or moving far away.

You're holding on too tightly to this connection, for fear that it'll slip away if you don't. Focus on other areas of your life & know that you're abundant regardless. Make a conscious effort to take note of all the things you do have & be grateful for it. Accept what you can't change & change what you can. You'll be feeling alot lighter, grounded, calm, stable, & satisfied when you do.

When you focus more on yourself & find what brings you joy, this more aligned state of being attracts more of your desires in your highest interest.

Your SP desires the childlike playfulness & passion you've shared. They're currently struggling with inaction because they're overcompensating for the times they've not set boundaries with others.

They're currently mistaking self-love for over-protection & needless isolation. Be patient with this process as they're still learning. Respect their boundaries. Pushing them & trying to force things only makes their wall higher & stronger.

It reinforces their belief & you're giving them every right to. So, honestly, most of them aren't mistaking self-love for over-protection at all. You've had within you the ability to establish a respectful, equal give & take relationship more so than their past encounters. But by trying to force them out of their shell, you've forced their hand in not only maintaining their boundaries but enforcing them & making them more firm as well.

They need you to be calm & patient. Once you've given them the space they need, you've become more established in life & independent, & they've gained stability & clarity over this situation, they'll be coming towards you faster than you expected.

Trust in this process & allow yourself & them to heal. Specifically, both of your childhood traumas, past events, & inner children. Allow your inner child to come out & play. Life isn't as scary as it can seem.

Pile Three :

Your SP is some type of buisness partner. Whether that be a co-founder, boss, coworker, etc. For alot of you, they held a higher position of power than you in some sense. You may have just met at work. They may have just been too bossy & controlling. Refarding sexual dynamics, they were dominant.

Although they appeared to be more adult-like than you, you're being reminded that we all started as innocent children & still carry that innocence inside of us.

Your criticisms of this person were born from your ego's programming to defend itself. You got hurt & as a consequence your perception of them shifted in a way that motivated you to avoid/be wary of them. This is a false reality. Yes, you discovered flaws they have. But that doesn't change who they are at their core. They're still that person that attracted you to them.

You're being encouraged to view people almost as if they were children. We're all unconditionally loved children of the Universe - learning, growing, & experiencing. Learn from the mistakes that have happened & work to grow from them with your SP.

I'm also seeing codependency. Perhaps you lived with them rent-free/relied on them for resources & as your source of happiness & love. You're being encouraged to be more independent materially & regarding your relationship dynamics.

We all carry an inner child but we also have to grow along side it. Take care of yourself. We're the ones we're alone with at the end of the day. Make your inner experience enjoyable so you can enjoy your own company. Keep this balanced & allow support along this healing process.

You're currently too thought-based & in your head. Open your heart, let your emotions flow, & let your inner child out to have fun!

For some of you, your SP is from your past in this current lifetime. For most of you, your SP is in a karmic cycle with you. You've lived more lifetimes than this one with them. You're tied together in order to resolve this conflict.

They're waiting for you while you're living in the past & being resistant to change & the flow of life. Your advice is to move forward with what you've learned & to leave the burdens & pain behind.

Both of you wish for clarity, communication, & new ways of communicating. I feel that they were the one who hurt you. The clarity you're after is where this behavior came from, whether or not they can be trusted, & if this connection is salvageable. You both desire to work on your relationship & you're mostly the one wondering if that's even possible.

The clarity they're after is when, how, & whether or not to approach you. They know they hurt you & messed things up. They don't want to hurt & anger you further by reaching out when you're the one who ended things for good reason. But they very much want to express their feelings & desire to move on with you.

Another struggle they have is not really understanding where their & your behavior came from & why. They're internalizing it instead of taking a step back & looking at things objectively. I see that they're taking your exit as a personal rejection rather than what it was ; you protecting & respecting yourself.

They're also interpreting their behavior inaccurately. They don't truly feel that they're a bad person but it's like they feel that's the only conclusion they can come to regarding their behavior.

I feel that this very reaction is what they needed to work on. This situation happened to bring your traumas to light. To be forced to be face-to-face with them & work through them. Your SP is rejection sensitive, insecure, & takes things personally.

If you want to work through this relationship, you may have to be the one who makes the first move. Take your time & only do so if/when you feel called to.

Pile Four

What I'm noticing right away is weariness & questioning if the work you've put in this connection will produce the results you're after. If this connection were a seed, the soil you're planting it in is fertile. Gather your strength & perserverance to cross the finish line you're almost at. Take note of what you've accomplished so far.

You've gone through a spiritual awakening that has caused you to change your direction in this connection. I feel that your SP is manifesting you at a more physical/practical sense & you're manifesting them more with energy & spiritual practices.

Although you're both experiencing this strong desire to be with eachother, your SP isn't as in tune with their intuition. They have conflicting thoughts in their mind & aren't sure where to go from here. They may also have too much divided attention & aren't putting in the appropriate amount of time & effort. They seem to be taking on most of the doubt & weariness in this connection.

You're both experiencing challenges with codependency but especially you. It may have already been hard enforcing your boundaries & focusing on yourself, but with this activation in your awareness, it's made it more difficult to do this. You've been experiencing their energy & the energy of this connection - even if they're at a physical distance.

With this increased accuracy in your awareness has come increased optimism. The downside of your newfound sensitivity is, again, focusing on yourself & other areas of your life. You're being advised to bring your energy into your body & ground it. Look up methods of grounding. I'm seeing that a particularly beneficial one for you is basking in nature & physically familiarizing yourself with the ground - in whatever ways that come to mind.

I'm seeing that for some of you, you haven't even met this person yet. You're manifesting a soulmate in general. There's limitless potential with this. You're not receiving the results as soon as you've hoped for but there's just one more step you have to take before their arrival. One of those steps is letting go of the results & timing. Work on yourself & self-love in the meantime.

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shyhaya · 1 year

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well~ because I was watching tristamp and I am completely enamored with Vash, I wanted to post a little one-shot, because why not? It's just my current obsession ♡

(also, I started reading the manga and I'm positively dying, so there's that! :3)

So, here's a Vash the Stampede x fem! Reader

umm.. I guess there's kinda a few spoilers from ep 2 and 1 if you haven't seen them. Also, the reader —based on a new oc because I said so— is plant, just a tad bit different. No warnings except fora little bit of making out nearing the end; the rest is fluff. Enjoy! ^^

Reunited

──────•❥❥❥•──────

Thanking the old man who helped her the past few weeks, she took her traveling bag and started making her way out of town. Covering her head from the sun with the hood of the sweater, the girl walked through the infinite dunes of No Man's Land, just stopping a few times to eat something and drink water before continuing. She had a hunch of where he would be this time. She just hoped it was correct.

For the last two weeks, (Y/N) had been staying in a small town she had came across after she was separated from her partner when someone recognized him. Again. The life of a wanted outlaw was certainly difficult. Still, she didn't complain; as long as she can be with him, she won't mind dodging bullets and running from town to town. Some days, the female actually consider this funny. A century and a half ago, she couldn't have imagined she would be in this situation. But here she is, and she doesn't want to be anywhere else.

Sighing, (Y/N) hurried her pace a little. It would take no more than two days to get there, and if her hunch was right, then she will meet him again very soon. The (blonde, brunette, etc..) remembered one time she joked about having a radar when it comes to him, because she always seems to know where he is, or will be. She chuckled. Maybe she did have a radar, or some sort of sixth sense. Maybe it's because of their bond. It would be very cheesy, but that's the only thing that can explain it.

When night fell, (Y/N) fortunately had found an abandoned place to sleep in. Contrary to the days there, the nights were always very cold. She pouted while covering herself with the only blanket she has. She missed her personal heater. He is much warmer and comfy to sleep with. A small smile slipped past her lips as she closed her eyes. (Y/N) could almost feel it; she was not the only one missing someone.

"Just a bit more.." muttered the girl before falling asleep.

──────•❥❥❥•──────

The next morning she woke up early to keep going. And with early, it means before the sun rose. She didn't encounter anyone during her walk, except a few sand worms. Thankfully, she wasn't swallowed by one.

It was perhaps midday when she finally saw the silhouette of Jeneora Rock in the distance. Smiling gratefully, (Y/N) let out a sigh and started jogging. She couldn't contain the excitement. Yes, there was the possibility that he was not there, but something told her he was, and she trusted that feeling. When she saw the town more clearly, her jogging became a full run. But then, an explosion sounded just after a particularly annoying and piercing shout. Her smile turned into a frown.

"Don't tell me.. already?!" The (blonde, brunette, etc..) whisper shouted. Pushing her legs to move faster, she could see the town's people and a weird.. human-like thing? carrying a plant. "Wait, why is it carrying the plant?!" (Y/N) watched how the creature almost fell off the cliff after passing the plant to another.. wait.. a normal human can't hold a plant on their own...

Just then, the creature was being pulled up by the people and.. She let out a chuckle when she saw him. Damn, he really can't help but want to help everyone, can he? She hurried up the steps and streets to get where all the people were. Where he was. When she arrived, finally, (Y/N) saw everyone looking forward, where the creature and an old man where being held at gunpoint by a woman she recognized as Rosa. Damn, pregnant and fighting? Okay. She lowered the gun though, after a few seconds, and by her side the (blue, brown, green..) eyed girl saw a very familiar blonde.

He was showing that gentle smile that seems to never disappear from his lips. His eyes showing concern but also relief. (Y/N) will always consider him to be stunning, no matter the situation. So, incapable of tolerating the distance between them anymore, she made her way through the people to get to him, almost sprinting.

"Vash!"

At hearing his name, he looked forward, and upon seeing her, various emotions flashed through his blue eyes. Shock, surprise, realization and finally, joy. Because she was already so close, he opened his arms, full on smiling.

"Mayfly!"

(Y/N) crashed into his arms, wrapping hers around his waist, burying her face in his chest, listening to his fast heartbeat. He embraced her tight, giving a kiss to the top of her head, cradling her cheek with his right hand. She leaned into his touch, looking into his beautiful orbs, before going closer to peck his beauty mark. (Y/N) watched delighted how his face turned red, still smiling as he planted chaste kisses on her forehead, cheeks and nose. She pouted, pleading with her (light, dark..) eyes. Vash complied shyly, finally giving her a peck on the lips.

"I missed you, Sugar" She said, closing her eyes, putting her forehead to his. He intertwined their hands, and when the girl opened her eyes, he was looking at her with so much affection her cheeks burned.

"And I you, (Y/N). More than you know" the female melted hearing his words, how her name sounded when he said it. They hugged one more time before parting. Only then, when their little bubble exploded, did she notice all the eyes on them. Well, I guess we do attract attention.

Rosa was the first one to greet her, although the (brunette, blonde, etc..) could see something grim in her expression. She briefly looked at Vash, and he signaled he would tell her later.

"My (Y/N)! It's been so long since I saw you, hon!" She giggled at her words, giving her a hug and congratulating her for her pregnancy. Then, she noticed other two people that were looking at her.

(Y/N) turned completely and saw a girl, shorter than herself. She had cute blue eyes and dark blue hair. I like her outfit. She looked really curious. Beside her was an older man, his apparence unkept and with sunken eyes. Probably drinks too much. The girl approached her, and (Y/N) smiled. She looked at her side and saw Vash, who looked at the blue eyed girl, and she joined the pieces.

"Ummm.. who is she, Vash?" The bluenette questioned, tilting her head. The man beside her responded for the blonde.

"Didn't you see them, rookie? She's his girlfriend" (Y/N) chuckled by her expression, watching her puff her rosy cheeks at the man.

"Yeah, I saw that Senpai! But I thought asking to confirm was appropriate!"

Turning to her partner, the (brunette, blonde, etc..) nudged him with her elbow playfully "Won't you introduce me to your new friends, Sugar?~" He rolled his eyes but nodded, smiling. Attracting the attention of the girl, he put his hands on her shoulders.

"Guys, she's (Y/N). My girlfriend" he looked at her "Mayfly, they're the ones who helped me escape from the police" (Y/N) stifled a laugh.

"They must be very good people to help the 'Humanoid Typhoon', yeah?"

The blue haired girl took her outstretched hand "Nice to meet you, my name's Meryl Stryfe. I'm a journalist. We came across Vash in the desert. The drunk man you see beside me is my Senpai."

(Y/N) grinned at her "Nice to meet ya too, Meryl! Thanks for helping my Sunshine. Not many people would do it. You two have my gratitude" she bowed her head.

"O- oh no! You don't have to- to bow your head! It's fine!" She exclaimed, moving her hands around "B- but, if it's not a problem.. H- How come you weren't with Vash when we found him?"

The blonde and the (brunette, blonde, etc..) locked eyes. She nodded, and he took her hand in his "Well, what if we talk in the bar?" he suggested, planting a brief kiss to the back of her hand "I'm sure we have a lot to catch up to, Mayfly"

──────•❥❥❥•──────

"I thought you would end up here. That's all" she muttered, her left hand supporting her cheek while she laid on her left side; her right hand being held carefully by the blonde's left. Once every few seconds, he would bring her hand to his lips and kiss it, sometimes it would be on the wrist too. Vash listened to the details of her story of after they went separate ways two weeks ago. He had tried to find (Y/N), but in the end just kept moving forward, trusting she would somehow find him.

She had narrated the story to Meryl and Roberto back in the bar, before leaving with Vash to properly catch up. It felt like years had passed since he's held her like this, since they've been so close.

"I missed being like this, you know" (Y/N) whispered, bringing her face close to his, observing his baby blue orbs without his glasses. He kissed her nose, making her laugh. She felt his prosthetic arm rest on her hip, then on her waist, holding her closer. The (brunette, blonde, etc..) laid completely on the bed now, with her right hand against his cheek.

"I missed this too. Time passes quickly for us, but without you two weeks are a lifetime, Mayfly.." a kiss followed his words, and she melted into it, cherishing the moment. When they parted, a shy smile was present on his lips, and she went closer to bump her nose with his "I'm sorry I couldn't find you sooner"

(Y/N) shook her head, hiding her face in the space between his neck and shoulder, inhaling his scent and leaving a butterfly kiss on his skin. His breath hitched and she knew his cheeks were bright red "It's no one's fault, Vash, do not worry. We're together now, that's all that matters. But please tell, how did you get caught up in the situation from earlier?"

Sighing, Vash explained everything that happened earlier in the day, softly touching her waist and hip as a way to calm her down while he described the events that occurred. He immediately sensed (Y/N)'s body tense up when he told her Rosa had wanted to give him to the police to have the money of the bounty placed on him, so that they could afford a new plant for the town.

"I.. I understand her motives. She's a mother, her family and friends live here. She doesn't want them to die or suffer" She tightened her grip on his shirt, taking a deep breath before letting out a sigh "And still.. I know you saved her and her son, more than once, you helped everyone here.. I know what they're going through but... I- I still can't help this.. this feeling. You deserve better, Vash"

She felt a delicate kiss on my forehead, followed by one on her nose "You always say that, (Y/N).. But it's okay, it really is. You know I'm used to it" he smiled at her.

"But I don't want you to be.." the (blue, brown, green..) eyed girl pouted, making him chuckle.

"What did I do to deserve you? You're too good to be real, Mayfly" giving a peck to his lips, she nuzzled his chest, her right arm wrapped around his waist, their legs a tangled mess on the mattress.

"I should be the one saying that, Love. You're like a dream. The best dream" Just as she sensed he wanted to complain, she rolled over until she was on top of him, his hands on her hips and hers on his shoulders "And you don't get to complain, Stampede" he pursed his lips at his girlfriend, and she kissed him, deeper this time.

"Fine, you win this time, Stardust." He said with a smile, and (Y/N) smirked at him, laying on his chest "But you have to admi-" she didn't let him finish, kissing him roughly this time, biting his bottom lip and sneaking her tongue in his mouth. He whined and she kept teasing for a few seconds more, parting from him as his right hand came to rest on her cheek.

"What did I say about complaining, Vash?"

Panting, the blue eyed male looked up at her "That's unfair.." she giggled.

"All is fair in war and love, baby"

Well, not my best one-shot, but eh...

I hope you liked it :3

#anime #trigun stampede #trigun x reader #vash #vash the stampede #hayami writes 🌺

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ohtobemare · 4 months

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a silly little update....

hi tumblr people!

as many are aware, i'm in the process of writing two different celebrations: my birthday celly, and my slutty 400 followers. i still have over thirty requests to fill, and it's taking a lot longer than expected. for reasons.

first, weather here in Minnesota has been killer with sub zero temps. and having horses means constant barn care and animal welfare, on top of juggling a full time job.

not only that, i struggle-bussed through a mild case of COVID at the beginning of January that knocked me on my tush, and in the aftermath, i have some weird thing called post viral respiratory inflammation where my bronchial tubes are so inflamed that it triggers pneumonia-like coughing spells, and because of the incessant coughing, cannot heal properly. steroids are kicking me butt.

also on top of all of that, i am prioritizing my health. i've been hiking an hour a day (all through December, before January!) and i'm teaching myself how to lift weights and enjoy exercise for the first time in my life. with this comes the nutrition battle and understanding my body (turns out my body does not like dairy, at all). the beginning is a little overwhelming, and it demands a lot of brain power and focus.

but the biggest factor in these slow updates is that right now i am currently seeking the Lord about a lot of things in my life, a lot of life decisions through fasting, intercession, and worship. if anyone is familiar with fasting, it is excruciating. i am doing fluids only, aside from the little food i have to consume for my medication, and it's difficult. i write this from day 2 and i'm weak, tired, hungry, but uplifted. getting back on track with God and spirituality is something i've felt called to do for a few weeks, just haven't bit the bullet. but now i am.

all this to say, updates are taking awhile. for good reasons. i promise i have not forgotten and will get to them.

in the meantime, check out my masterlist here, there's a lot of fun. at least to me.

i think i have the best followers and mutuals of anyone out there and i am so uplifted, encouraged, and touched by every interaction i get. this silly little blog makes me so happy and brings me so much joy when i need it.

i know it seems like i'm in the weeds and shadows, but i promise i'm here. loving all things Val and Top Gun, because of course i am.

ya'll have my love and thanks. always. <3

xoxo,

mare

#update #blog update #writing update #.txtpost #.txt #val kilmer #valmare #life updates #personal thoughts #mare rambles #rambles #<3 #mutuals #i love my mutuals #top gun #top gun 1986 #top gun maverick

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octomomo · 20 days

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finally i can post the two ocs that i've been obsessing over for the past year without feeling like "oooh i should wait until i finish worldbuilding/get definitive names for them/make proper refs".

DAIKON and L33K!!! a vegetable DJ-in-training and a robot idol! they have mutual crushes on each other but l33k has a reputation to uphold so she bullies daikon and bosses her around a lot. (unfortunately for her, daikon is into it)

more in-depth character description/lore stuff under the cut.

daikon lore: - age 23, she/they - huge nerd about tech used for music-making - but. she cannot make good music for the life of her - l33k's biggest fan, even before she got a physical form - ended up getting a job thanks to some old colleagues who run an underground venue - initially intended to just be tech support and maintenance - turns out l33k's data and body are housed here. so. now she's her personal assistant too. she's feeling really normal about this - ended up becoming a dj-in-training (probably to get l33k's attention, i haven't decided yet) - she has a big crush on l33k and is fascinated by her on a tech level too but she wants to be respectful? but she ends up overcompensating and subservient. not so secretly enjoys l33k enforcing this role - she's pretty lonely and kind of self-conscious about how she can only really seem to relate to machinery while not wanting a very serious tech job (i.e. cyber-security or military stuff) - while dj-ing does help her get closer to l33k it does also help her get closer to her old colleagues platonically and she's glad about that but tries not to make it too obvious l33k lore: - age... uh... software has been around for 20 years? she/it - L-33000 (l33k, pronounced "leek") itself is a sapient ai software in-universe. it was eventually built a physical form: this robot body! - (not really a lore thing but the yellowgreen parts are supposed to be translucent material that you can see her cables through! it's based on actual cross-sections of leeks :D) - l33k is notoriously difficult to work with. she takes pride in this and she is a bit of a bitch (affectionate) - in her robot form she puts a lot of focus on her physical upkeep and is very high-maintenance. especially takes pride in her hair and shoes hooves - yes those are her hooves you bitch - originally had turnip (another veggie guy, not pictured) running around trying to attend to her but daikon is much more suited to the job for a number of reasons - she appreciates daikon's willingness to throw herself to the wolves on l33k's behalf but thinks she's a freak for liking it so much (it is also kind of a turn-on but she will never admit it) - (if i can be honest i'm still undecided how much sexual tension is in their relationship. my heart says "a lot" but my mind says "that's going to weird people out, in-universe and irl") - anyways. l33k wants daikon to stay backstage because 1) she's a loser and l33k considers her potentially a stain on her reputation and 2) daikon could absolutely do something to fluster her on stage and she would probably malfunction and throw the whole concert off - at the same time though. seeing daikon attempting to become a dj and failing but still having fun with it gives her complicated feelings about how l33k was created to get everything perfect the first time, and it's like... jealousy/admiration/curiosity/amusement that makes her want to see how daikon does when it comes to making music mixes and stuff - she sees kind of a parallel in daikon's hyperfixation on music technology with her own knowledge of music and performance being based on algorithms and numbers, they come from these very rigid logical fields into an art form, and they're expected to make something good... she's a little afraid of the concept of relating to her on the same level though...

thanks for reading about my gay vegetables. disclaimer: a lot of this stuff is subject to change, including their names and designs

#ocs #daikol33k

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fennecthunderfox · 7 months

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Figured I should probably life update.

It's been a looooong time since I've posted here. Various factors got in the way of art in general and I figure I need to at least post a text update if nothing else.

Where have you been?

I have been mostly gaming in my free time and lurking on the internet. I didn't realize it, but I guess social media had been chipping away at my mental health without me realizing it. Namely Twitter (it's gonna stay twitter forever to me, I don't care what it's actually called now). I wanna try to get active on tumblr again, but they changed the layout in such a visually suffocating way, I can't do that site right now either.

So I just lurk.

What about your art?

Art has been hard. As I've complained about a lot in the past, I have a full time job and this job has had me on mandatory overtime for 3 years at this point. I also have chronic pain episodes that- while they have improved- still occur on occasion.

So you haven't drawn at all?

I've drawn very little UNDERTALE/DELTARUNE art recently, but I actually HAVE drawn some Zelda-centric art. I just haven't shown it because it's extremely self-indulgent and I am aware that the one canon character I draw the most is one people tend to hate. (Revali. It's Revali. He's a jerk, but I love him and I love inventing Rito characters that both admire and acknowledge his skill- but also knock him down a peg.)

The future of your Undertale/Deltarune comics?!

There should still be a future, yeah. Problem is, it's been so long since the beginning of the comic, I've kinda... gotta figure out what the heck the story even is anymore. Cause I don't really like WD Gaster being a villain? And that's sorta how we framed him to be in the comic, but I don't like that anymore.

"Fenn, Gaster made Ralsei disappear. Or SOMETHING, we still don't know what happened to Ralsei."

Yeah, sorry 'bout that. I've said from the beginning that Ralsei isn't dead, and that's still true. Also if I do change Gaster's motives, the Flowey/Ralsei thing (Flowsei?) will remain the same. So basically what I'm saying is Gaster was framed kinda like a villain in the comic, but he may shift to just a very, VERY morally grey guy, and you'll understand WHY in time.

Aaaaaaaand Vesseltale?

Vesseltale's a weird one cause it's the secondary plot comic and it's still stuck on-hold in the best possible place to be on hold. I might have to write that comic to a point where the biggest twist of the AU is revealed and then just be like: "Okay, here's some bullet points about this AU cause I don't actually think I can make this a full comic."

And then have like... highlight comic series where I just draw out major scenes. Like how Frisk interacts with the altered versions of the characters in this time.

Final thoughts?

I wish I had more time to do art. I really do. It's just difficult to set time aside to do it because of work. It's easier to pick up the Switch to decompress while listening to Let's Plays on Youtube at the moment.

Once the Holidays pass, I think I'm gonna try to carve out time on the weekends specifically for doing art. I'd love to finish Defnodel Chapter 3 before Deltarune Chapters 3 and 4 release.

Also be prepared, I might start posting Rito fanart on DA because I love the Rito. You have no idea how many headcanons I've created for these dumb birds. I love them so much.

#Fenn Speaks

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lesbianwithchainsaws · 1 year

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Sorry to vent post again, but things have been so weird lately and I feel like I need to get some of this out.

I've been feeling kinda awful the past few weeks already, but the past few days it feels like it's gotten worse. I feel like I haven't had proper interaction with anyone for weeks and I think that's really getting to me. Especially as there have been events where I know I could go to and maybe meet new people, but I get so anxious every time so I don't go. Having a job is also proving to be really difficult, even though it overall isn't a job that is that difficult (it's a lot more fitting for me, as I can work from home and don't have to interact with customers), but doing this 5 days a week is killing me. And when I don't have to work, other things just don't feel as enjoyable lately. Like I enjoy writing and making edits and talking about blorbos, but for some reason all of that has been feeling a bit empty? I'm not sure how else to describe it. It's not like I don't enjoy it at all, I swear I do, but especially the past few days, it's just been feeling weird. Maybe less enjoyable. I think maybe in a way I'm hoping me posting these things will get me some human interaction, which I've barely had lately? And that's not a good reason to be making something. I should do it because I enjoy it, not because I want someone to tell me something about it. And people have been very nice and talking to me, so it's not a problem with anyone else. It's a problem with me, I've been feeling lonely and lost in life for almost my entire life and for a brief period I didn't feel as bad because I could make and post things about things I like, but lately it hasn't been as fun. So I guess a part of me was relying a bit too much on that, and now it doesn't feel as great? I don't know. I'm really sorry about that.

I've tried to reach out to some of my irl friends and I'll probably talk to some of them later today, also I'm meeting up with a friend next week and hopefully that will make things better.

In the meantime, maybe I might post a bit less for a while? There are still things I want to write and make, and I'll definitely do that, but I might have to try to do that thing where I step away from social media for a bit. I know it's not really that important and maybe no one cares, but yeah, might be a bit less active for a little bit. I just don't want to feel as awful, nor do I want to be sad-posting a bunch. I don't know, there's not much of a point to this and I doubt people care about this stuff, but I need to get these feelings out

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leggyre · 9 months

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You got any adivce for someone who's considering dropping drawing completely since they don't like what they're making at all?

honestly i've been in the same struggle recently bc it just hasn't been a good year for me. i haven't been drawing a lot bc most of the time i'm either sick or i just.. can't. I've been picking myself up as of late and it's a really difficult grind, but honestly the fact i've been able to actually start this grind is already good for now. I guess that counts as advice; be patient with yourself. Self-esteem doesn't come easy and the little steps are worth so much more than you think.

ok so uh,

-if you just started, don't think about it too much. we all start with the weird scribbles. if you stop now you might never get back to it -if you've been trying to doodle often and always end up hating the result, just take a break. art block is seasoning for burnout and you might just be tired. a lot of times i've felt bad about my art i kinda "gave up" for a while and when i came back to it it was like "wtf this easy what was my issue (it was burnout)". so take a break, play some videogames or hang out with your friends for a week. idk write essays about the media you like? it feels like you're being unproductive but resting IS part of productive because just pushing yourself will just result in nothing being done at the end of the day. -look at your favorite work! im not quite out of my latest artblock yet because its a tough one(it's been teaming up with depression caused by health problems it suuuuucks :/), but when i went long enough without being able to draw I kinda started feeling like I can't do shit and can't call myself an illustrator at all specially bc what i do isnt that big of a deal compared to others(<- comparison also big mistake remember youre the only one who can make YOUR art), going through my folders and seeing the stuff I like the most gave me a LOT of motivation to keep going, even if I was still unable to start drawing right away. not giving up is so important. -so yeah love your art. focus on drawing things you like because it's a gift from you to you, and you should treat it as such. i know it's really hard to be positive about it all the time but it can be really good to go through all your artwork at the end of a day and look at the things you like about it, even if it isn't much. -on that note, find something you really like drawing!!! back in high school i had massive periods of depression that kept me from drawing but i occasionally found sort of a 'life hack' for myself which were things i was always able to work with even during the worst times. one of them was just.. bees. i just doodled random characters as these bees and made og designs too and it was fun. the other one was using colored pencils instead of a regular one bc i just like colors and it made me happy :] it didnt matter that they always had the same overall shape or if i couldnt erase when i messed up, i was just feeling good being able to draw something that i liked. -experiment more!! expand your palettes and download some new brushes. i even change from my newest to my old busted tablet that still sorta works occasionally because using a tool that feels different is.. refreshing somehow? idk -when you need to get yourself back up, do the little steps at your own pace. do a little doodle every day. it's okay if it's always the same thing. the same character. the exact same idea. it's okay if it sucks or if it's unfinished because you struggled. Just give it little pushes. What matters is to try. and it's okay if you can't do it every day. maybe every other day if you need a slower pace. -and remember. engagement doesn't measure your skill. art is subjective anyways!!!!! i spent YEARS doodling and posting only my ocs and getting little to no notes. i think one of my favorite artworks from the time i had ~100 followers had like 0 notes for the longest time. to be honest i don't even know if it has any likes at all nowadays i'd have to look it up bc it's a bit buried

#ask the leg

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starlingflight · 1 year

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2022 Wrapped

Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

ty for tagging me, @ashesandhackles and @lanaturnergetup

Sands of Time - I wanted to scream from frustration when I got ‘sand’ and ‘chocolate frog card’ as prompts. I wanted to scream in excitement when I figured out how to work them into a fic. Also, my first foray into Jily

End of the Road - Founders Era is way out of my comfort zone and I really enjoyed exploring it. Also I accidentally made Rowena Ravenclaw my own favourite character lmao.

Those Left Behind - I’m really happy with how captured some difficult emotions in this. I want to write more from immediately after the war but I find that period pretty intimidating because of the intensity of the circumstances/atmosphere.

Let It Linger - I have said this previously on discord, but I used to be a total James Potter Anti and I’m low-key proud of myself for not being too rigid on my opinons and allowing myself to be swayed (thank you, @lanaturnergetup). This was my first time writing James’ POV and I felt like I had a breakthrough with him.

Auld Lang Syne - I really enjoyed exploring the Marauder dynamics for the first time but I’m mainly including this because @hinnyfied said this was her favorite thing of mine and I live to please her.

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

I wish I could give a list but I can’t because I don’t really have a plan for this year.

I did Nanowrimo in November and wrote 70k of an original story - I’m excited to edit it in the New Year and figure out if I’m ever going to put it somewhere for people to read.

I’m planning a fic about Cho and her life post-canon, I’m also planning a follow-up to A Bad Idea (a George/Angelina one-shot) and maybe something Parvati & Lavender focused with @lanaturnergetup which will be the MOST fun if we actually get time for it.

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

Allowing myself to just write without worrying if it’s good and knowing I can edit later - something that really helped in nanowrimo.

I think I’ve got better at Show Don’t Tell but also knowing when telling is actually necessary. I think I have previously been a little too scared of exposition.

A weird side effect of depression (for me) is that it makes visualising scenes much more difficult - this has been frustrating but I think an unintended consequence of it has been that I have focussd a lot more on description/scene-building (for my own benefit more than anyone who might read my writing) and my descriptions have improved because of it.

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year,

I have really shied away from drama in favour of ‘realism’ previously, thanks to taking other people's advice way too much to heart. Sometimes drama is fun and exciting, which is what storytelling is about. I’m going to allow more drama into my writing this year and not worry about readers rolling their eyes at me.

I’m going to pay more attention to characters I’ve previously written off. @ashesandhackles is my life idol and she has really nuanced takes on almost every character so I’m going to be more like her.

and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year:

‘However, rules, in James’ experience, were meant to be broken.

“It’s late. We should get back to the common room.”

Just not tonight.’

Okay, that’s three lines - the last line is my favourite but a tiny bit of context is needed. The way I evil grinned to myself when I wrote this. The way my evil grin spread when @lanaturnergetup beta’d it and left me this comment:

Tagging: no one bc I'm super late to this party. If you haven't done this and you want to, consider yourself tagged.

#2022 wrapped #my writing

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ladylilithprime · 7 months

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20 Fanfic Questions

I was tagged by @jazzforthecaptain for this right when I'm supposed to be going to bed. -_-U

How many works do you have on AO3?

172 currently posted, more to be imported and uploaded shortly....

What’s your total AO3 words count?

716,745 as of right now....

What fandoms do you write for?

Whew..... uh, lessee, Supernatural, Marvel Comics/MCU, Harry Potter, Animorphs, Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Little Mermaid, Gundam Wing, Smallville/DC Comics, Highlander, Star Trek, The Sentinel, Stargate SG1, Star Wars, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sailor Moon, Tomorrow People (New/90s Series), Fullmetal Alchemist, Gravitation, Yami no Matsuei, Weiss Kreuz, Ranma ½, Pirates of the Caribbean, Good Omens, Firefly, Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings et al, Daria, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Phineas and Ferb, Danny Phantom, ElfQuest, Rise of the Guardians, How To Train Your Dragon, El Goonish Shive (don't tell Dan!), Transformers, YURI!!! On Ice, Speed Racer..... uh, yeah, I think I'm forgetting some... or not mentioning them for Reasons.......

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

More Worthy Than Believed (MCU, Gen, Tony-centric, vague IronHawk)

Only Different In The Details (MCU, IronHawk plus Avengers ensemble)

Hel Hath Nick Fury (MCU, Nick Fury/Hela aka Darcy Lewis)

The Shadow You Cast Over Me (MCU, Gen, Tony-centric, unrequited Steve/Tony)

Broken Hallelujah (Supernatural, Sastiel)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Short answer is that I try to? I want to respond to comments, but sometimes I'm out of spoons and it takes me a while to work up the spoons to answer, and sometimes the comment is a demand for an update on a fic I just posted a new chapter for and I lose the motivation to write anything at all for a couple days because gods, I'm thrilled y'all enjoy my stuff but damned if I've usually got the time and energy to write fanfic around Real Life!

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably a toss up between The Shadow You Cast Over Me and A Wish Your Heart Makes. (If you didn't guess one of those, uh, well... ~offers tissues~)

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh, hell, good luck trying to pin that one down! Seriously, I can't pick, go look for yourself.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not...exactly? I mean, I once got some dumbass complaining in the comments of my clearly tagged WinterIron soulmate AU that he wanted to read WinterWindow and "not this gay shit", which, dude, we're on AO3, not FanFiction.Net, the fic was very clearly tagged and you still clicked on it, so you reading "that gay shit" is all on you, buddy. Also, same fic, someone decided that because I talk about Natasha and Yasha being familiar with borscht that I was a Russian Imperialist? I dunno, people are weird.

Do you write smut. If so what kind?

.....Yes, hello, any kind of smut I write that's actually explicit rather than kept vague or Fade To Black has a separate psued. Click at your own risk, not that I have much posted there yet.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Hmmmm.... Do I have to stick with fics that I've posted and can provide links to? I've got a LOT of crossovers that either aren't posted yet or haven't been moved over to AO3 and tracking down the links on the wider web and defunct archives is difficult.... so, I'll just cop to Lethally Blonde, the MCU/stealth-Tropic Thunder crossover, for right now.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Sort of? Someone stole a segment of "More Worthy Than Believed" wholesale and tried to pass it off as theirs a few years back, but it got discovered pretty quickly by folks who'd read the original.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't know? I think someone offered to translate one of my older fics once, but I don't know if anything came of it.

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I'm listed as a collaborator for The Cadbury'verse, but aside from Bang collabs and the vague plans @rodiniaorzetalthepenquin and I have plotted about at three AM that result in one or the other of us writing fics in the same narrative universe, I don't have any posted cowritten fics.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

~thousand-yard-stare at the above list of fandoms~ .....could you be more specific?

What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Dude, I just updated Only Different In The Details with a new chapter and the last update previously was in 2013! If the fic isn't marked as complete, it'll get finished eventually. (Or I'll die, but it's more likely the fic gets finished before then.)

What are your writing strengths?

World-building. I seriously LOVE world-building, and I really enjoy writing full AUs that really let me flex that!

What are your writing weaknesses?

.....forward planning. I can't seem to do it with any kind of reliability or regularity, and trying to write an outline is a scholastic exercise in futility, not to mention all the times I've gone looking for notes or scene snippets I could have sworn I wrote down or typed into chat somewhere and apparently sharing the vivid fever dream images in my head was yet another dream. On the other hand, I remember three different versions of those scenes in vivid technicolor, so I just have to pick one instead of starting three new WIPs.....

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

This is honestly why I'm slowly teaching myself seven different languages, and you can bet I prefer having a beta for those segments who is a native speaker. (Harder for Latin, Quenya, Vulcan, and Enochian, admittedly....)

First fandom you wrote for?

Trick question. The first fandom I ever wrote for and posted online was Animorphs, but I was writing fanfic as far back as second grade for Disney movies and the Sweet Valley Universe nominally by Francis Pascal. (Yes, I still have those notebooks. No, they will not be transcribed and archived online.)

Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Always the fic I haven't written yet. Always. What I think is my favorite now will not likely still be my favorite next year, maybe not even next month! Hell, I can't even pick a favorite out of the ones I have posted to AO3 right this second! But then, isn't that part of the fun part of writing?

Tagging.... @rodiniaorzetalthepenquin , @karategirl80 , @slytherkins , @youarentreadingthis , @sageclover61 , @hyrulehearts1123 , and @mrswhozeewhatsis . Have fun!

#tag games #20 fanfic questions #i sleep now

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weezly14 · 1 year

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Hey Weezly, I just wanted to ask if you're fine and what are you looking forward to sharing with us this year ?

Hi friend.

So, I'm gonna use this ask to respond to all the ones in my inbox currently that are on the spectrum of "hope you're doing okay/writing update?" I appreciate the kind words and thoughts from all of you. It's been a weird week/weeks/time, so: here's an update.

I've written maybe two paragraphs in the past several weeks? Not much. I've had bouts of wanting to write and bouts of feeling like all the creativity has disappeared. On the real life front, it's been a weird and stressful time. Nothing major, nothing life-changing, just stuff I need to work through that doesn't have an easy solution or quick fix. I'm going to therapy, I'm working on it. Still sucks.

Dust to Dust is very close to my heart. It's also difficult to write for a number of reasons. Top of that list lately is, I'm not pregnant, and I'd like to be. Not saying that I'm going to avoid working on that fic until I get pregnant, just that there's a lot of feelings all swirled up there and some days it's not something I want to work through. Today's one of those days.

There are a number of things I'd like to write and share this year - continuing the midnights series with seek, finishing dust to dust, plus a post nwh fic that I outlined months ago, or the peterflash idea i also outlined months ago. Plus just dumb stuff, like romcom-esque fic ideas. There's a lot I want to write this year, but right now I'm resting or whatever. Getting my head on straight, getting my house in order (literally and metaphorically).

This is my blog, and I've always been pretty open about shit here, so I don't mind telling y'all that yesterday was a good day, and today I haven't left my room. Yesterday I cleaned my kitchen and made risotto and a steak dish for dinner, and today I have really awful cramps and I've been curled up with my heating pad watching tiktok and texting mr. weezly to please bring me things. The duality of man, I guess.

Is this more information than you wanted or needed? Probably. But I'm a full person outside of writing fic, and I'm mostly fine, but still struggling a little bit. So thanks for checking in. I hope I have new words to share with y'all soon. In the meantime, thanks for reading, and I hope you have a good day.

#random life post #weezly responds #weezly talks about mental health or whatever

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zoeysuxx · 2 years

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So, transitioning in my mid-late 30's has been weird; I never thought I'd be so distraught by the realization that I totally missed out on the experience of shopping from a Delia's catalog.

Perhaps the most interesting change, though, was how much my sexual desires have changed. I mean, I've always known I was one to 'swing all ways' while gravitating more one way... while now I find myself gravitating more another way. In less ambiguous terms, I don't think I've ever been this thirsty for some 🍆.

I suppose a lot of this confusion could've been alleviated, transitioned or otherwise, had I not gotten involved in a monogamous relationship so early in life. Sure, my marriage is wide open now - but that's a relatively new development. Suffice to say, there's a lot of experiences I just haven't had. I've never done any kind of casual dating (yes, never. Not even once). I've never lived alone. I've never had a close-knit group of friends.

My spouse and I essentially developed some kind of co-dependency, which I now realize was super unhealthy. Especially knowing that they weren't exactly faithful early on. How I would learn that is for another post. Our first couple of years was a long distance relationship, so I guess it's easier for infidelity to occur. All of this realization, of course, occurred mid-transition.

The thing is, I was basically living on autopilot for a long time. Sure, I was depressed but this was more than that. I was... numb. Hopeless. I was basically just going through the daily motions. That's the fucked up part of not knowing who you are. I resigned myself to autonomy early on because I saw no hope for myself. I figured I would just do what society expected of me - get married, have kids, get a desk job and maybe die violently of a heart attack in my cubicle.

When my egg finally cracked, it felt like it was too late. I had a much stronger sense of self and actually saw a glimmer of hope, but now have to worry about providing for a family of four while I'm at it. Ultimately, my spouse of approximately 6,000 years and I agreed that non-monogamy would be a good change of pace, especially since I have missed out on so many experiences in my hopeless youth.

Ok, that part sounds good, to be sure. Unfortunately, providing for a family of four, maintaining a house, etc. is fucking time consuming and exhausting. It's really difficult to have those experiences when exhausted with very little downtime. So now I just feel trapped. Truly, it's the world's lamest escape room.

So... I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to wait until my kids are grown to finally start my hoe phase. Meh. Ok, whine over.

#trans #trans pride #girlslikeus #mtf trans #woe is me lol #trans nerd #transgender #elder emo

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whipplefilter · 2 years

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Actually, more to the point of the earlier ask, how does Cruz handle her first DNF-by-crashing? I'd sort of assumed that she'd be more or less okay with it - more surprised than anything - but after the initial shock wears off and things have settled down, how does she feel about it?

I definitely think she'd be shocked! It's not an experience a street car expects to encounter in its lifetime (particularly given that for most street cars, that kind of wreck would signal the end of its lifetime), and is therefore one that exists outside what even feels imaginable. Cruz has a lot of experience as a trainer, of course, and has done a lot of sim racing, but if Cars 3 makes a point of anything it's that those experiences are not the same.

One of the most important scenes in all of Cars 3 is about that incommensurability, at least in part. After Thunder Hollow, Lightning is upset with Cruz because she does not understand the gravity of his situation--and while it turns out there's a lot of things Lightning also does not understand and had not considered, it's still true that Cruz didn't either. Obviously Lightning's less concerned about one DNF (or even one major crash) than he is about the business side of things, but either way it's about that feeling of incommensurability.

And so here's Cruz, having an experience that a car like her was never supposed to have--finding some completely different state for which she has no frame of reference. It's hard not to be a little moony about it all, if you have too much time to think too hard. It's hard to put into words, because, she reasons with herself, it's not a big deal but it IS a big deal but it's not but--

After the dust has settled, I think for Cruz it's not so much the shock of the crash (or fear of DNFing) that stays with her, but this realization that there is a big difference between being a street car and being a race car. It's not the kind of difference that would bar her entry (which she feared and let herself believe before), but the kind that smacks her in the face with that realization that she is living a completely different life now, and that life comes with different vantage points and ways of being--and that these things probably can't ever be understood by cars who haven't felt them first-hand.

It's a little alienating at first, in the sense that it makes her feel like an alien. It makes her feel weird to be out in the world, sitting in traffic or going to the post office, or whatever. It borders on feeling dissociative--just a little bit. It's no a big deal, it's really not. But it sticks with her.

It takes Lightning like five days to realize this, at which point they are already well into practice/prep for the next race. Like I mentioned in my last post, his own recalibrations re: being the one watching a crash rather than being the one crashing, is pretty quick. But it occurs to him that that might have been a really strange experience for Cruz, because you can't really-- There's no sim for what that feels like, or for what existential questions might arise. And honestly, it's difficult for him to get into (what he thinks might be) Cruz's mindset, because he's been racing and DNFing for 10 years and has racecar brain.

But the thing that helps Cruz shake the Weird Feeling is realizing that even though being a racecar really is this completely different thing, that doesn't stop Lightning from knowing and being knowable to cars like Sally, or Mater, or any of the Radiator Springs gang. Belonging in both spaces is 100% possible.

#in a way i guess this spurs cruz to realizations that echo lightning's in cars 1 #though i don't think lightning ever thought about them in this way #cars fandom #pixar cars #cruz ramirez #cars 3 #thanks for the ask!#asks

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artificial-horizon · 11 months

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assorted post-atc test day ramblings and blogging ahead (sorry idk how to do a readmore lol)

The past few days have been so unforgettable I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all... I literally feel reborn, like a totally new person starting a totally new chapter of life! I haven't felt this happy in a long time, that sort of happiness that's mixed with so many other intense emotions and makes your head spin a little (my favourite). I mean the day of testing was absolutely brutal, like nothing I've ever experienced before, but honestly it was so invigorating - and definitely very motivating after passing everything lol. I'd been having some serious doubts about whether I could do it, feeling like my weird brain would sabotage me and prove that I wasn't cut out for the only dream job I've ever had, so yeah lmao I did quite enjoy the ego massage of doing really well and not even finding the tests super difficult.

Outside of the testing there was so much that was just... intoxicating in the best way. Travelling solo for one, cos I think that's one of the greatest things on earth, but really it was the people that I met that just filled me with such a feeling of, well, I guess love? As an aromantic I struggle with the idea of love, but personally this is my equivalent; a love of humanity and human connection and sharing the same experiences while coming from such different backgrounds. It's probably inevitable that you'll bond if you're thrown into a room together to do ridiculously intense assessments all day, but genuinely I've never felt so excited and chill and myself around literal strangers like I did this week. There's always so much hiding when you're queer/trans/brown/ND in majority cishet/white/NT spaces, but there was something about being around other people with the same weird niche interest that was fucking liberating.

I mean, this was the first time I've ever met other people (especially other people of my own age!) who are also nerdy about not just aviation, but air traffic control specifically - like, in day-to-day life you talk about this stuff and most people are like "ummm okay u do u", but holy shit... to be able to infodump to people who are also interested in the very same thing and ACTUALLY WANT a conversation about it is incredible! (Which yeah, is sort of sad when you think about it cos what a low bar, but society is just anti-autistic like that ig.) We just *got* each other on that level, and makes me hunger even more than I already did to be in this world because this really fucking proves to me that this is where I belong tbh.

There's also something so electrifying to me about random brief connections like this, when you know you'll probably never see them again (aside from the other people who got into the next stage of interviewing, ily cya in a few months!). Definitely not the first person to say this, but there really is a level of honesty and openness that this kind of experience creates that is legitimately beautiful to me. We spent hours partying together and sharing so much conversation, no small talk in sight, just learning about each other. The next day I was hopping from city to city with this one guy as we tried to navigate our way to the airport (there was a storm that had shut down almost all transport) and even that, although stressful, was a fucking adventure and I really sort of loved it and we got pretty deep into some fascinating chats. And like I literally asked some random people if I could take the last seat in their Uber cos I overheard they were going to the airport too, and that is not something I EVER thought I could do as someone who's often too scared to approach people in public lol.

Depression has been telling me for the past year that I'm not capable of shit, so this was the biggest and best fuck you to that because oh my god I actually CAN!!!! I can do shit!!!! It may not all seem like much to others, but I'm actually proud of myself and am seriously riding on this high rn. I'm treating this as a new lease on life and I'm gonna keep this energy going as much as I can, because my future is seeming more and more like a thing that will actually happen. I just like... ugh I love all the people I met so much in a way that would probably sound weird if I told them, cos it's not really "love" but just absolute awe at the whole experience and how amazing people can be. Intoxicating honestly is the best word I can use to describe it.

Also literally the first person who said hi to me on the test day was a fellow gay lol, I guess the gaydars of aspiring ATCOs are just that good ;) Anyway onwards and fucking upwards, next stop is the interview and then...? The thought of it is too much I can't even write it down lkjdfsdajkfljkdkjdlkj

#do i have a tag for my own writing/posts idk #i think i need an atc tag on my blog tho for all this nerdiness so #atc #oh and also what i said about being myself n feeling accepted applies to allllllll my avgeek mutuals on here <3 #genuinely appreciate you so much #such a friendly welcoming corner of tumblr that makes me smile every time i log on hehe

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frozendeity17 · 1 year

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Aaallll fifty of them, in order, punk! :p

Alright, here we go:

Lumity and Percabeth. Yes, I know TOH just ended and TLT won't be coming out for a hot sec, no I do not care.

Never had one specific color, though I've definitely always preferred cooler colors. Used to love greens, but now indigoes, violets, and dark blues are more my style. Still love a good forest green though.

All of the quotes on that one doc abt unlikely posts. Also, "I think it's silly to be ashamed of your art because it's not in a museum and of your voice because it's not selling out stadiums. There will always be people who enjoy and appreciate what you can do." -Tumblr user venuskissed

Private. I'm not one to share my birthday.

Also private. Not today, fae fuck.

See #4.

Honestly, I don't know. I think I give them in all of their forms, but as for receiving, I think affirmation is what does it for me. Might be physical contact though, I do love hugs.

Probably a drama, I did like How to Get Away With Murder, even if I only got through the first season and a bit. Designated Survivor was awesome too.

Spain, for one. I don't know what it is about the place, but it has a charm about it for me. Maybe it's the weather. Aside from that, Greece and Italy would be awesome. I'm a little bit of a mythology nerd, so seeing all of the temples and wonders built for these ancient gods sounds like an awesome experience. If I could choose more, Norway and Iceland are both incredibly beautiful places, and I do kind of prefer the cold. Also, I've always wanted to see the aurora borealis in person.

Ooph, this one is difficult. There are a lot of great scents out there. Vanilla's a long-standing favorite, I remember once bringing a bottle of it to school once to show to my friends. Cinnamon rolls smell delicious, as does that smell from the candles we always used to buy. It might've been sandalwood, but I've never been quite sure. Also, there's this one perfume my mom's worn for as long as I can remember - it's a little too sharp to be entirely pleasant, but it's flowery, and nostalgic for me.

"City of Angels" by Em Beihold. She also wrote the trending songs "Numb Little Bug" - the "Do you ever get a little bit tired of life" one - and dueted "Until I Found You" with Stephen Sanchez. I think her songs "Too Precious" and "12345" are also really good.

Stalker. But seriously, probably one of the places listed in #9, or back home, as I have some stuff to do there.

Vanilla. Most pure chocolate ice creams have a bad aftertaste.

Donuts. I don't know what it is about cake, but I've never seemed to like it all that much, even the good ones. It is, honestly, my least favorite dessert that I'll actually eat - I even like eclairs, which are literally just pastry around messy whipped cream that gets everywhere, more than cake. I particularly hate it with that weird gel writing on it. Just...urgh. Donuts are chill tho, and I'll never turn down a solid frosted with sprinkles or Boston Creme.

Black. It's reliable, doesn't stain easily, works well in formal outfits, doesn't show sweat stains, and works on most complexions. Also, I never really wear much color regardless. I would miss that one blue dress shirt I really like - it's comfy as hell.

Haven't read one in ages, despite my massive TBR, but off the top of my head, probably "With great power comes great need to take a nap," by Nico di Angelo from PJO, if only because of how ridiculous yet true it is.

If I can't handle myself In a fight, I'm not subjecting any of y'all to that.

Ice cream. It's more reliable and easily accessible for me, and frankly, cotton candy is too dry as a dessert.

A famous engineer, hopefully. Being an author would be cool, too.

I do not have pet peeves, I am a pet peeve.

Basic Bitch. I suck at fashion and aesthetics and currently have neither the desire nor the capability to improve. My wardrobe is composed entirely of thin shorts, tracksuit pants, and t-shirts, with a singular formal suit. Might try to start painting my nails soon, see how that goes.

As prideful as it may sound, my intelligence. I don't have much street sense, to say the least, but I have a good factual memory, am good at logic puzzles, and am a quick reader, and I'm rather proud of that.

Saturday. Nothing to occupy that day, nor the day after. It's excellent. My favorite weekday? Probably Thursday. Dunno why, it just vibes the best.

I am SUCH a bad night owl. I don't even know why, I always regret it in the mornings too. I guess it's just kinda freeing, not having the expectations.

Neither, hot chocolate reigns supreme.

This is the first half, the second half to come, as Tumblr apparently has a character limit.

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