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catgirlbussy · 10 months

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im gonna do a lil sadpost, as a treat. if u dun wanna read that or interact or anything there's no harm done <3 it kinda feels nice sayin stuff into the void tbh, cause i know as i look out ill always see myself at minimum, and im still thankful. im alive. if someone can relate or whatever then thats a neat bonus ★

I'm not super sure how to formulate these thoughts, cause lots of it is just incompressible /feeling/. I've been on HRT for close to two years now, and modifying my internal physical landscape alongside the work I put in with the ways I've learned sharing benefit so far, like therapy and self-directed exploration of my emotions and the simple but vital practice of being more open with others about how I'm feeling, has uncovered a lot.

It's been overwhelmingly positive in so many ways. I don't have any regrets for starting this set of changes, even with full knowledge of the difficulties I've had rise as a result and that more are on the horizon, and also full awareness in that I will need to continue putting in the *good* work to care for myself and learn how to navigate the parts in my mind I'd kept hidden or obscured for so long. It's not /bad/, I feel so grateful to have this opportunity at all and I feel bounteous joys in this trove of beautiful experiences that, up 'till not too long ago, I never thought I'd be able to experience -- though I absolutely still dreamed of having them so vividly.

I have a lot of good graces in my life re: my transition. In a lot of ways I feel I've been exceedingly lucky. Canada has its fair share of problems without a doubt, but I also know full well there are a lot more places on our planet where it's much more difficult to be openly trans, let alone dangerous or lethal. I don't take that as an opportunity to rest, either, because having cracks forming in the firmament, letting in light to my dream of a world where trans experiences are accepted (and to note most thoroughly, I'm learning more of a lot of cultures in days gone by, /including some aspects of my own heritage/, having extended gender representations ingrained in their societal norms, some as far even to revere the dynamic and unique experience of existing beyond the gender binary in whatever way they saw as such) for **everyone** spurs in me an even deeper and impassioned drive to work in the ways I'm able to foster communication and connection while rebuking hostility so more and more beautiful, valid trans folks can experience respite and respect and safety as well.

I'm not wanting necessarily to change minds and upend the posture of society with this particular post, though, and so I hope you'll forgive me in my expressing my small, localised set of emotions in this moment. At the root of everything I experience I'm starting to get better at reminding myself that I'm a valid *individual person* in addition to being a contributor in the push for good and kindness for all.

It's probably telling that I feel the need to offer ~4 paragraphs as a disclaimer that I spend time learning about the global scale and am effortful in enacting progress there before just getting on with what I'm even feeling sad about. I don't see myself as a holy martyr for being nervous about expressing myself, but it seems more and more common evidently rather than by my hypothesis alone that many trans individuals would get by prior to exploring their gendered identity with burgeoning self-acceptance with a marked self-exclusionary behaviour when it came to opening themselves to emotional experience, regardless of any given instance being gendered or not. Until it becomes unmanageable, it feels easier to lock away senses of joy, sadness, etc. cause you can keep gettin on by in a sort of functional state and you tell yourself thats enough.

This is far from the worst thing I've come across so far, but I am feeling confused and the confusion is unique in its own way to the extent that I'm not even able to pin down how I /feel/ about feeling it. At its heart I can't seem to muster the right formulation of words to explain to others these particular experiences I'm having in my transition. Painting in broad strokes can be such disservice to the nuance for any individual's cluster of experiences, but tumblr if anything *for me* has brought much happiness in finding threads of commonality with others. Stark contrasts to my feelings of loneliness and seclusion from the world around me give me so much hope. I'm writing this partly in hopes that there is another one of those threads people might appreciate seeing. I do more than my fair share of journaling, but this one feels special and worth sharing right now, and so decadently I write these words for a community beyond myself.

To be blunted, perhaps I might phrase it by saying 'i feel sad about being happy.' It's that sort of absurdist perspective that helps me wrap my head around it a little better with how little sense it makes to my normal machinations. I'm not sad that I am having these new and thrilling experiences of adding or or changing parts of myself to live in the way I best see fit for who I am, but I feel sad because I don't know how to.

I get locked up at the slightest things. Someone compliments my nails, and its so hard to communicate efficiently the impossibly depthed importance this literally surficial act has for me. They aren't even painted well, but I painted them /myself/, I felt catharsis in exploring my love of artistic expression in the choice of colours, I rode high on the thrill of watching this new skill form in my own hands. The coat is uneven and I can't quite keep myself from getting knicks in places as they dry yet and I'm still practicing the nail care associated with maintaining healthy and resilient nails, but if I can be so bold to say, god forbid women do anything.

This person obviously wasn't chastising me for partaking in a traditionally "femininely-associated act", let alone that so thoroughly most things people take for gendered in no way innately are, the whole binary supposition is a damned myth. But because of how I was brought up and the mindset I was taught to have before I fought to think for myself instead, this was a joy I'd always admired but felt I was abhorrent for wanting to partake in. Absolutely anyone who feels otherwise can irrevocably go fuck themselves if they aren't willing to examine the falsity of the foundational thoughts they 'think' they have leading them to ever want someone to abstain from such a viscerally unobstructive and innocuous form of self exploration and creativity bexause it's "for girls". This goes for anything. For anyone. Idc who you are or what label you wanna use at any given moment, go explore. Live life. God fuck do we need people to just experience joy in some ways so we aren't so incorrigible and hostile towards eachother.

But you don't stop whoever took 15 seconds out of their say to mention to you they like the colour and wanted you to know to discurse at length upon the structural bastardisation of who people are allowed to be, cause more than any of that I just want to feel happy about it.

I literally stutter out whatever form of thanks my malformed emotionally-communicative faculties can muster in this surprise and try not to start sobbing in the grocery store aisle or whatever. It's so /good/, and it's so frustrating that I don't even know how to just process and appreciate that it is.

I was so much an absentee in my own bodied self that I could not fathom an understanding of what gender euphoria was until it snuck up smashed me in the teeth. I didn't have any basis of understanding for what it was really like to be happy about some part of myself.

Despite my loneliness I have still had the experiences of friendships, people caring about me, and relationships where a partner genuinely appreciated parts of me, physical, mental, emotional, whatever. More now than ever I am having those experiences as I learn to come out of my cloister inside my head. But this time I'm not just numb to everything. Sure, as I'm learning to not just be unilaterally numb until my bastion of self-isolation fails and I break there is abundance of pain, but the pain I honestly prefer. It's more vivid than it's ever been before, but I can benchmark that I'm still alive by its contrast to neutrality. It's familiar, and my mechanisms of clutching my emotions into my soul can still carry me forward as I try to figure things out. But fuck me is it ever hard to have a happy experience and not know how to communicate that it tore my sense of stability in those moments to shreds. To lose the composure that carried me for so many years because someone sought to share something with me they thought I'd appreciate because they care about me feels so counterproductive to just enjoying the absolute gift that experience is.

Abstractly, as I'm wont to do to a remarkably self-apparent fault, I can tell myself that these things take time. Human emotion is so complex, and its panoply of shifting lights glinting as the facets move their positioning relative to the light of being alive is what drives me to do art, and it always has been, contradictory so fully to my desire to lock everything away. I can't circumnavigate multiple decades of trauma and be free and unfettered in my senses in an instant just because I'm aware it's possible. And so I try so fucking hard not to just sit down and cry in that grocery store aisle, cause it hurts so bad to be happy.

How dare I find glints of good in the polluted landscape we live in. But that mindset helps nothing. People striving to live amidst turmoil is what makes life worth living. There will always be strife, but there will always be the possibility for hope alongside it.

Without fail, each night I'll self-soothe myself into a mode of somewhat-restfulness imagining what it would be like to trust myself enough to be imperfect and let someone hold me. It's the only thing I do anymore. It even backfires sometimes and I just waking-dream my way through countless blissful scenarios about what it would be like if that cute girl I've been starting to become friends with mentioned she wanted to hold my hand for hours until the sun comes up and I know I won't have any sleep at all. It's so goddamn worth it. I revel in it, because at least in the theatre of my mind I can find small ways of letting myself feel those joys. They aren't really happening. It's my own hand rubbing a thumb gently along my collarbone in a faux affection. But it's the only way I've found that's not so obstructively blinding in intensity for me to practice what it would be like to be close to others.

I still lose my sense of self so often. I find bruises from where I bumped into things and wholesale didn't notice until the tiredness sets in and I can't autonomously ignore how sore I am. I dive effortlessly into the placid waters of dissociation when someone gives me a hug, despite that being what I have dreamed of for so many years during my self-imposed isolation. Someone tells me they like an art piece I've made and I stopper any sense of pride or appreciation for their kind words despite pouring however much time channeling my slowly uncoiling understanding of reality into every particle of it and wishing that my experiences could convey any amount of any feeling whatsoever to another living being with the entirely selfish act of wanting that I feel like I had a real connection.

I can't get by with chainsmoking and shelf-set pain medications and blind ignorance any more. I can't ignore how badly I want to feel. I am figuring it out instant by instant and it scares me horribly. One day my yearnings for closeness will be actualised because I'll be ready to open when they come. My selfsense-extracted mutterings of the hypothetical joys of being pressed down into sheets and kissed because someone deigned to gift me with attention for they hold appreciation of this newly forming, ill-configured, but ultimately revelatory feminine self I'm becoming will no longer be fiction and prose but the rawness of experience that I, once, and then more, can lose myself into without terror thay I'm inadequate and never truly worth it. Someone will touch my breasts and love me for loving them myself and I'll give in to the annihilating instant where I am no longer a sense of self but just am. This body is not me but my, and I will scrape and fight however I can muster to live vicariously thru it because that is what I am meant to do by being here alive at all. If anything ever again I want to feel what love is like.

I'm not even reading this back to see if it conveys properly let alone makes sense at all. I'm exhausted and in so much pain. If you read this, thanks, and, if you can, go hug someone you love today.

#acceptance #love #kindness #affection #expression #long post #tldr #hope #trans #transgender #trans femme #trans girl #transition #hrt #hormones #mtf #pride #self love

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beatrixstonehill2 · 2 months

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"Sooooo, guess who went to college and forgot to pack her hrt? Oops. I know, I've been gone a while (everyone who guessed exactly what I did, kudos!) and finally I'm OK talking about it because it worked out suuuuper well tbh. As many of you know I started transitioning back in junior high, I was on blockers and started estrogen in high school. My mom prepared all my meds. I went to college and was so excited to join a sorority and live the college dream of being a sorority girl! Lots of parties, lots of drinking, lots of sex! All day every day.... between the occasional lesson. Maybe! But after a few months I noticed things were really off. I tried not to overthink it, but eventually realized the huge mistake I made.

Since my mom prepared my hormones I barely thought about it. She told me to take them in the morning and night. Without home, without her, the routine stopped existing. Soooo, yeah. There I was looking sexy, my huge boobs ready to be ravaged by all kinds of guys and girls.... And I loved it! For the first two months I chalked my heightened libido to the new experience of college and had sex constantly! But before long my body started to change. My voice started cracking. My cock grew like six inches, it was insane! And by month three my facial hair came in. My body was just soooo eager to become male.

My sorority sisters thankfully saw this happen loads of times. Every year there's some perfectly passing trans girl sporting HH-Cup tits or bigger who forgets her meds and winds up detransitioning. Like clockwork. I protested and said I just needed to go back on them, get my script refilled. I called my mom and she laughed, saying she threw it out because she figured I didn't want it anymore. That being a girl mustn't be that important to me after all. I panicked, asking the nurse on campus that day. She said what's done is done. I was in male puberty. I asked about blockers and she laughed too, telling me my body was giving me a very clear signal about who I was supposed to be. She said blockers would stunt my new puberty but it would always be in motion now. My voice, my facial hair, all of this was unavoidable at this point, it'd worsen even on blockers or estrogen. She recommended I fully detrans for a year, then see if I want to retransition after all the changes.....

By the end of that year all I wanted was my boobs removed. I used to love having big tits but now they only made me dysphoric. And they were growing hair so that didn't help. I hit the gym, got really buff, was obviously kicked out of the sorority for being male, then joined the frat. Finally! I totally accepted I was male. No more shyly discussing sex and going out in embarrassing dresses with my boobs hanging out. With other guys I could talk about my darkest, most perverse fantasies as we worked out and they'd just call it hot as fuck, not judge me as some silly perverted fakegirl. Instead of getting fucked and passed around like a cheap slut, now I was fucking pregnant girls with huge asses bloated up by partying and a diet of only beer and pizza. It was pure bliss getting to mount and fuck all these gorgeous girls I used to be so jealous of. Now they were beneath me and the rest of the frat. They weren't goals or anything to aspire to, they were drunken fuckmeat with a womb full of kids to slap around.

My favorite part is when I encounter a fakegirl and start fucking her estrogen-fattened ass. I'll pump her cock and tell her right in her ear how much I want to see her detrans, how much I want to pump her full of T and see her girly body become a man's like it's meant to be. I tell them this and their knees all buckle. They can be the prettiest, most passing trans girl on the planet, with huge breasts and a gorgeous face. If I'm pumping her ass telling her how much I want to forcibly detransition her she'll get hard as iron and moan so loud out of nowhere, her body shaking. She'll always tell me to keep going, to tell her how badly she needs to accept reality and be a boy. All fakegirls fantasize about detransing. In fact, what I've learned is the most beautiful trans girls that pass the best, started gender affirming care the youngest, and have the sexiest feminine bodies, secretly fantasize about detransing the most..... I miiiight have convinced about six girls to detrans just this year alone so far, with my cock pumping their ass, and my hand jerking their cock..... Leaving behind my hrt was the best mistake I ever made. So happy my family didn't bother calling me and just happily let me detrans obliviously on my own. ❤️"

#detrans kink #mtf detrans kink #mtftm kink

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pansyfemme · 1 month

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hi jude

i was wondering if u have any recs for a good packer? im asking u bcos ur the only guy i actually remember talking about packing so...

thanks!

-🌵

so this is funny bc im currently in the market for one too lol. ive had the same one since before started hrt lol. my gender specialist told me about packing and stps when i was first transitioning since i have pretty heavy bottom dysphoria, so i ended up talking my parents into letting me buy a packer age 13 (not as weird as it sounds. the trans support groups i went to as a kid often discussed the extreme awkwardness of asking your parents to buy you a packer or for some of my peers, gaffs or breast forms.. but its actually not much weirder than bra or underwear shopping tbh. ) and ended up with the sport stp from new york toy collective- which is techincally a ‘two-in-one’ but its like.. really not that great a packer and i realized that a stp is not as important to me as just a soft packer so ive been in the market for one after having one that doesnt suit my needs for like.. six years. theres all sorts of custom options.. grammas sausages are rlly popular but they dont have a lot of open order slots. reelmagik is a dream and i will eventually be willing to drop 600 on a prosthetic but thats not today!! but a lot of premade ones are pretty sweet too. im like personally probably gonna get the archer or pierre by nyc toy collective.. they’re small and soft and are pretty universally well reviewed. going on this hunt again has made me realize how different things are from like. 2016 LOL. even then- there were like so few options and ftm packer reviews on youtube was like its own niche. i wonder if thats still a thing. im afraid i cant really help you more than that. ive only owned one.. and i dont like it and i dont think they even make it anymore. but i have a lot of followers and mutuals who are more experienced in certain topics like this so if anyone has some words ur free to drop them in the comments

#sorry to go on a rant i feel like everytime i mention my parents bought me a packer age 13 i need to explain because it sounds weird but #like.. a doctor reccomended it to help my bottom dysphoria and i would have done it with socks anyway

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siarven · 1 month

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QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

It's been ages since I got tagged in sth like this?? Thank you very much @zbdragons :DD (Also I want to see your dragon arts??) (also sorry I forgot this in my drafts for a hot second dklldk)

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

I don't think so? My parents chose my birth name bc they liked the sound. My chosen name chose me lmao. I want to keep the masc version of my birth name around as second name, but I think it's less bc it's related to my old name and more bc I like the sound of it, and it makes Mama happy :>

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Not sure! It was probably at a fictional story? ive managed to fix my mental health enough to no longer have regular crises :') <3

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

nope, don't ever want any either

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

started out with gymnastics when i was ~6 (probably bc baby me started climbing street lights bc our trees were too smol xD), then switched to tennis due to external circumstances and stuck with it until I moved for uni. Here the distances are all much bigger so going everywhere by bike was enough daily sports (30-40km/day), but then the pandemic happened. Now i have dumbbells and a yoga mat in my room and do stretches and (body)weight things most days bc all my 'things why i need to leave the house' are 25+km away. i am ok with going 20km one way but not more than that xD

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

sometimes! depends on the people. i did it sooo much around my brother when i still lived at home, but these days i think it's gotten pretty rare

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

vibes, i think? Are You Potentially Friend Shaped? :333

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

hazel/somewhere between green and brown depending on the light

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

happy endings... i like scary things, but i dislike most horror films. they have the wrong horror vibes xD

ANY TALENTS?

i am good at learning music by ear + play flute and piccolo very well (this is prob bc Mama taught me how to learn music at a young age). It's so nice to have One Thing I am not self conscious about, esp bc it isn't tied to money or anything. These days it comes fairly effortless and I love playing and learning new pieces, and bc my orchestra appreciates me I get to play piccolo + solo parts too. I also used to be very good at singing but i am on hrt now and idk how that's gonna develop xD

I also write stuff and draw things and I do the drawing thing professionally/plan on doing so, at least (rn it's just small things on the side and wouldn't pay the bills). But neither feels like a talent bc everyone I started out with was better at it than me when we were kids. They just stopped doing it. Idk. Success through persistence and spite... both my art and writing feel extremely average (derogatory) most of the time, but I guess we will see if i manage to succeed anyway dklldkd

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Hannover (Germany); moved away for uni

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

flute/piccolo in my orchestra; going for walks with my camera; wildlife photography; hiking; learning about nature and the names of animals and plants + trivia; writing/reading fantasy books; watercolour painting; reading and watching good stories of any genre tbh; reading/watching nonfiction things on nature/history/paleontology/humanity. Wanna learn ALL

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

no :( but my flatmate has a snake! his name is momo and i love him!

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

173cm

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

history (bc of the teacher); english (the years my teacher was good); art (surpriseee /j)

DREAM JOB?

concept artist for stories with heavy (fantasy) worldbuilding; illustrator (I do that already as a freelancer but it would not pay the bills). Also I would love love love to be a published author but in my head the art and writing side of things are kinda deeply related, so both pls

tagging @ettawritesnstudies @corishadowfang @lady-redshield-writes @raiswanson @kittensartswriting @monika-in-wonderland @tundra-tiger @unfocused-overwriter @big-urchin-energy @antignocchiphase @mando-ah-damn if any of you want to (no pressure), and also anyone else who wants to, I don't remember anymore who is doing tag games xD

#tag game #tagging game #about me #i guess

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themaskstayson · 16 days

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Since I have no one to talk to about this Deadpool fanfic I'm writing, imma just post it here to get it off my chest.

Trans!Deadpool cause I wanna write something that hurts and be very queer.

Okay! SO!!!

It's a trans AU where Wade powers won't allow HRT and he never got to transition before getting cancer and his powers. And while he can still look masculine enough, the Avengers still misgender him cause they're jerks. The idea is how some cis people will misgender trans people that they hate cause "they don't deserve it". I plan on adding another trans character that the Avengers do gender correctly and there will be some drama on that. It might be Spidey cause 2ish years ago my plan was to write t4t Spideypool and then I got sucked into COD fandom for too long and then BG3.

Spider-Man doesn't misgender him, he's kind of part of the Avengers in this AU but not really and I think imma have Daredevil and Moon Knight be part of Spidey's "crew" since in the comics they all are kind of are meh about the Avengers. Like yeah they'll help the team out but mostly cause they're in the neighborhood.

I'm leaning towards Moon Knight was part of the Avengers and got kicked out because of the shit he pulled. Also I'm leaning towards Spidey and Moon Knight dating cause why the fuck is this line of thought canon:

LIKE MARC HAD TO HAVE THOUGHT THEY DATED ON SOME LEVEL TO THINK THIS! BTW this run is trash, do not read, I'm suffering through it just for more Moon Knight content. (Like I get it's a joke but I'm RUNNING with it)

I also am one of the very few people that ship Moon Knight and Deadpool and something about that pairing fuels me but tbh I ship Wade with almost anyone just to think about him. BUT I don't want this fic to be just about romance, like it'll happen cause I'm a sucker for romance drama, but I want Wade to have friends that care about him.

Like stomaching your coworker heroes being transphobic to be civil cause you got your dream job finally and feeling like your worth as a human being be in the gutter while also having low self-esteem totally sucks. And Wade doesn't have that many friends and the few he does use him like he has no feelings cause he makes so many jokes. Honestly I'll probably have him fall in love with his friends to get the drama going but probably will settle for them being polyamorous cause Wade deserves all the boyfriends

Anyways, I decided to combine another Deadpool fic I started where he was on secret mission and he was a stripper LOLOL so I'm moving some of those ideas over but instead of Wade being excited to be a pretty boy, Wade is depressed cause he's a lady stripper who "looks like Barbie with depression".

#deadpool #marvel #fanfic ideas

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xenophilic · 6 months

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This is a lot of questions, but I'm not sorry. I'm simply very curious, and the list was very long lol

6, 7, 12, 17, 26, 27, 36, 42, 44, 50, and 71?

Anon I love being asked lots of questions this is perfect <3

6 - first time having sex?

Well I was 15 at the time and it was in my ex's attic bedroom, but ive since started HRT and have changed a lot since then so I'm basically a virgin now, right?

7 - biggest turn on?

Tbh asking questions while doing anything intimate is a big turn on. "Do you like that?" "Does that feel good?" And the like are sososo hot to me

12 - ultimate fantasy?

FUCKING 👏 ME 👏 WHILE 👏 DOING 👏 SOMETHING 👏 Like. It's crazy how much I want someone to make me cum while I'm watching a movie or playing a game

17 - cut or uncut dick?

Tbh I don't have a preference... as long as it feels good, I'm down for any cock, tcock, strap, whatever

26 - most attractive body part?

Again, I dont have a preference (asexuality ftw) but I do find myself wanting to bite at thighs a lot...

27 - sex in public?

YESYESYES. I love the idea sm

36 - orgasm denial/forced orgasm?

Depends on my mood tbh. Some days I would love it to death others I just hate it. Not a hard limit, but definitely a ask me beforehand type of deal

42 - roleplay preferences?

I've never really done roleplay all that much so I can't say what I would prefer, but I'm definitely up for it. Especially some taboo rps, that's always sounded fun to me.

44 - what do you masturbate to?

Tbh anything... smut fanfic, hornyposts, sexting, hentai... again, depends on my mood, but I'll jerk off to anything if im horny enough

50 - giving or receiving oral?

Both! I have a bit of an oral fixation so I love it when things are in my mouth and being eaten out sounds like a dream 😩 I feel like I could never chose between one or the other

71 - funny sex stories?

Idk if it's funny necessarily, but after getting fucked for the first time, my ex got on call with his friends to play overwatch xD I didn't mind tbh, plus the idea of someone playing games while I'm cockwarming them or smth is 🥵🥵🥵

#thank you for the ask!#god i love being asked a million questions i love talking about myself

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teddyextrapaw · 10 months

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eidolon’s gender diaries: 7/6/2023

i thought it might be fun to document my medical transition here! i may even show photos of myself when relevant. today was just intake, though, so no need yet.

so. ive known i was trans since i was 11. came out to my entire family and school at 13. and ive been wanting top surgery and HRT the entire time

however i was super mentally unstable in my teen years, trauma, abuse and mental illness made it a hell of a struggle to stay alive. i was drowning and the possibility of testosterone making that worse concerned my mom.

we tried to get me on hormone blockers, but the guy i saw was a transphobic dickwad and deemed me not trans, even tho i thought i was a binary trans man at the time. he said i was just hormonal and sent me to the womens ward to go on birth control

ive been on just that, birth control, for 8-9 years now. my periods cause me severe dysphoria, but honestly it was not even sort of enough to help. it was a bandaid solution to a bigger problem

over the past 13 years of learning and growing and figuring myself out, ive come to love my body and identity the best i possibly can. but as my mental state stabilized yet my dysphoria stayed consistently horrific and disabling, i realized i might have to make the jump and start gender affirming care

it was scary. my dream has always been to be gender non conforming. ideal gender presentation for me is like... beard, makeup, long hair, no boobs and a dress. lol. tho tbh, clothes wise i dress different all the time. but u kno

given the bad experience with the highly acclaimed gender specialist at 16, i was highkey terrified but my experience at the lgbt clinic i went to today was literally insanely positive

first off, my doctor is trans. they are not 100% sure on pronouns yet, but they do not identify with their assigned gender. love it! they are super passionate, kind, and caring. they love to say “beautiful” when they mean “great” (i.e. “do you know about xyz side effect?” “yeah!” “beautiful :D”) and theyre just... so cute lol.

i got my blood drawn for tests on diabetes risk, blood cell count, and testosterone and estrogen levels. i just got it drawn for other health issues recently so thankfully that lessened the amount of bloodwork. i haaate bloodwork.

i also had to sign So much paperwork so my doc is not legally accountable for if i misuse the meds or dont like the results. he wished he could just give me testosterone today but that and the bloodwork needs done first

im a little afraid of the lifestyle changes ill need to make, namely with making sure to exercise more as there is a higher risk of cardiac arrest and similar issues on testosterone but staying in shape can help lessen it. but i think itll be good for my mental health in the long run, and a good motivator

next week i have an appointment where we will do everything and ill get my first prescription of testosterone... shakes like a chihuahua in excitement

also, apparently my insurance is very lax about top surgery and i may be able to get it within the month. at the latest, within the year!!!!!! my bmi/weight does not matter and i got a recommendation of a surgeon i was already impressed with the results of!!! hes done a lot of top surgery for “obese” patients and it all looks amazing

im literally so excited. i honestly thought i might not live to see the day i got to medically transition... but here we are :D i lived!!! i lived bitches!! im 24 and i have a long life to continue!!! and i will be so much happier and my body will feel like MINE!!!!!!!!!

#eidolon gabs #textpost #eidolons gender diaries #transgender #weight mention #bmi mention #fatphobia jic #but they were not fatphobic. not at all

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michaelmilligan · 3 years

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Other trans person: Hey fam, it's my hormonversary, I've been on HRT for XX months now!

Me: Transition goals.

#Listen I don't have a lot of goals right now #Just starting HRT is the dream tbh #Maybe possibly getting some stubble would be nice #But rn any of that seems so far away bc I'm stuck in a step along the way and nothing is moving and I'm so tired #If it wasn't dangerous I'd be seriously considering getting some T without a prescription #But honestly having a doctor to discuss your dosage with seems pretty important #Also estrogen blockers would be nice #Tldr: ugh I want the T juice #Gimme the T juice #All this red tape I need to get through is so fucking unnecessary #Trans stuff #Rant

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ftm-radio · 2 years

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my main quest for 2022 is all about acquiring Boy Goop™ so with that in mind, I thought it'd be fun to compile a list of my current transition goals/the changes I am most hopeful for!

honestly I'm really only writing this bc I can't stop thinking about it and maybe typing it all out will get it outta my brain for a bit lol

a good, deep, masculine (and sexy? 😳) voice. I know I cannot be corpsehusband (rip my impossible dreams 💔) but I'd love to be a lot closer to his voice than the one I've got rn lmao

some scruffy stubble. idc if it takes me 10 years to get a proper beard, I just want the scruff rn. I'll worry about a beard when I'm like.. 30

curly/wavy hair, please god, give me this 😫🙏🏻 I have wanted curls for as long as I can remember, I want to join the "I started t and got curls" club so bad awhzjjsjdjsk if my hair curls I WILL grow it out again is2g, I will love & appreciate my hair way more than I did as a kid 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

a modest but respectable amount of muscle. I know t makes it easier to gain muscle so hopefully it won't let me down lol

ngl i kinda want a bigger nose?? iirc t can make your nose grow a bit (jammidodger said that happened to him in one of his vids) so if I have to have a boring kinda feminine (imo) nose maybe it can at least be a little bigger so I like it more lol

square jawline?? I'm fat so it's hard to see but I'm pretty sure I've got a squarish jaw under my facial chub so if t could chisel that out a bit I'd sure appreciate it

thicker fingers, more masc hands. [chanting] manly man hands manly man hands manly man hands manly man hands MANLY MAN HA—

fuller/darker eyebrows! always loved the bigger brows, mine are okay but kinda sparse tbh. also throwback to 16 y/o me pretending to agree with my sister but secretly feeling bad when she made fun of aria prettylittleliar's thick brows <3

general body hair growth. my brother is a pretty hairy dude so I think I've got this one in the bag but 🤞🏻 just in case, lol. when I was a teen one of my older sisters was envious of how light/fine my arm hair was and commented on it every once in awhile and tbh I think that made me feel weird/self conscious looking back so maybe round 2 of puberty will fix that

I know im too old for it to happen but like... could I be a little taller?? just an inch or two? pretty please? 😭

it's not a physical change but hello t please give me self confidence 😘

...

🤏🏻🍆😏💕 c'mon u know what this one's about lol

okay most of this is so basic lmao 🙈 whatever, I guess I'll be easy to please. I just want the boy sauce. the man lotion. essence of masculinity.

as soon as I get my ss bullshit fixed & i can change my name on my insurance I'm gonna make doctors appointments and figure out what I gotta do to to get hrt!! 😤💕

#ftm radio #long post #trans #transgender #ftm #nonbinary trans guy #trans guy #trans masc #trans man #nonbinary #nonbinary man #trans nonbinary #trans masculine #transition goals #pre t #ftm pre t #hrt #hormone replacement therapy #testosterone

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eldritchamy · 3 years

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Congrats Amy! I can't belive it's been that long! How are you doing?

I can't believe it's been that long either, it's fucking wild.

I spent so long wanting it, and now it's just .... 3 whole years in

There's still problems with my life, obviously. The pandemic really screwed me over with laser hair removal, that was in progress but now very unfinished. I wish my boobs were like, one or two cup sizes bigger. Desperate for FFS and bottom surgery but have no feasible way of paying for either of them in the conceivable future (I started looking into both at the beginning of 2020 because I wanted to try to have them done by the time I turned 30 and then ... 2020 happened and shut down all my plans, and now I don't have health insurance). Still haven't done legal name and gender change (was waiting on FFS for that tbh, so I would only have to update my license once), still get deadnamed and misgendered nonstop by both parents despite their initial responses being TOLERABLE. My living situation sucks ass and I'm nowhere near getting my ADHD dealt with, and still occasionally deal with depression, and I still don't know what I CAN or WANT TO do with my life. Still kinda drifting aimlessly as an unskilled, hedonistic burden on society.

But god damn do I feel better. The difference is UNBELIEVABLE. All of those problems I still have? I don't know how to deal with them and they're overwhelming in many ways. But feeling overwhelmed is ... manageable? I'm not constantly on the brink of unfathomable depressive hell and thinking about dying within ten seconds of ANY stressful situation.

I feel like a PERSON now. I feel like I want to be alive.

And I'm so glad I lived long enough to know what that's like.

(CW for graphic descriptions of dysphoria below)

A couple of times I've lapsed on my hormones because I ran out before I got a refill or got my prescriptions renewed, and I can tell you with certainty it's the hormones that have made that difference. One of the things cis people will never really understand is just HOW MUCH having the wrong hormones fucks you up. The difference is mindblowing. I can tell I forgot to take them within a few hours of a missed dose because I start to feel like shit in a specific way that used to just be all the time.

You CAN'T have the wrong hormones in your body without knowing something's wrong. There is absolutely no conceivable way a person could take HRT long enough to change anything by accident. If it's not right for you, you'll know in less than a day. Imagine your body giving you the wrong ones as a default. I've tried to imagine something that feels worse, and I can't. (And reminder: I'm a person who has experienced cluster headaches. Thought to be one of the most intense pains the human body is capable of. I would rather have a cluster headache every day for the rest of my life than go back to testosterone.)

Within 48 hours off my hormones, it is absolute psychological agony. It feels like my blood turns to poison and starts eating me from the inside. My energy levels get fucked up. I get thrown straight into the low point of a depressive episode that will never go away. A level of misery that can't even be put into words settles in like a hundred tons of dead weight crushing me into the dirt. Everything feels distant and surreal like I'm hollowed out and watching everything play out like a dream. Like nothing's real and I'm just ... there, barely existing in the back of a body running on autopilot, and the fuel light and the check engine light never turn off. Everything's wrong.

That's at 48 fucking hours. That used to be every waking second of my life for 16 years. ALL OF THAT is gone now. I don't look like I want to yet, and there's so much more to do still, but I actually feel like I'm alive - and more importantly I WANT to be - for the first time I can remember.

It's so much fucking better. It's SO much better.

I'm so glad I lived long enough to feel like this.

#amelioration #Anonymous

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necropsittacus · 5 years

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answer all the ones you have an interesting answer for, i guess?

i had FAR too much fun with this and it’s horrifically long so. Apologies For That. also thank you friend

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)i really want some finches, when i'm actually in a place to care for an animal? maybe a pigeon3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?in real life i actually Wear button downs and black jeans most of the time for convenience. *ideally* it would be something more like "unholy union of like three different goth aesthetics, and sith fashion, and also Pirate. and spikes/chains/glowy lights." it's probably good for everyone else's eyes that i'm too cheap to redo my entire wardrobe in line with my ideal aesthetic sensibilities. i also have a set color scheme; at most one bright color, which is generally red, blue, or purple, and everything else should be black or grey. 8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]melancholic with choleric leanings.9: Are you ticklish?nope! im pretty sure i trained myself out of it 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?tea. i like the taste of coffee if it's very heavily creamed and sugared but it does terrible things to my body so i don't drink it. too much chocolate also makes me sick14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?VAMPIRE. practically already am. 16: How tall are you?5'7"-5'8". measurements have varied. 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?starscreamthis one is Already a name change? i've been through a few names and honestly i'm pretty happy with "ren." i thought about changing to something people could actually spell right on the first try, but nothing Felt right? 20: Do you like space or the ocean more?ocean! but both are pretty neat21: Are you religious?yes, but it's not remotely clear what i actually believe, just that it's Something 23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?i'm already practically nocturnal tbh and it's fun 30: Favorite movie?i really appreciate the star wars prequels32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?nine; six fish and three budgies, not all at the same time37: What is your eye color?green38: Introvert or extrovert?i think the whole dichotomy is a bit overhyped and doesn't exactly apply to me. my situation is more that i act like extroverts are "supposed" to with close friends but people i don't already know and like very much are deeply exhausting to be around and i'd rather not40: Hugs or kisses?depends. hand/forehead/cheek/etc kisses are intensely blessed and important to me, but i don't particularly enjoy making out or whatnot, and hugs are Very nice. 42: Who is someone you love deeply?tumblr user @autisticsansa44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?yeah!45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?yeah, occasionally. obligatory disclaimer that it's a terrible habit and you shouldn't start. it's more a "i'm extremely anxious and need to do SOMETHING" thing than a regular habit, though. 57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]several. it's just not 100% clear which ones. the most recent Professional Opinion was OCD and CPTSD with probably related anxiety and depression. also autism but i don't think that's quite the same thing58: What does your URL mean?it's a pun on "neurodivergent" that i stole from someone else's post about liches61: What makes you unfollow a blog?if your opinions start pissing me off too much or you post things i consider morally objectionable or dangerous to me. also if we have a sufficiently bad personal fight. i don't really care if a mutual or someone i've been following for a long time stops having common interests with me or anything like that, at that point i'm invested in You as a Person and will stick around for that64: Favorite animal(s):all birds. also cetaceans69: What is your star sign?i'm a fake scorpio. i have been telling people i'm a scorpio and tagging zodiac posts accordingly for literal years, out of a combination of the stereotype applying to me much better than the one for my Actual Birthday and residual influence from homestuck. 76: Do you like birds?i LOVE birds.86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?i can't run a mile at ALL i'll have an asthma atatck88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?no and trying hurts90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?goth cockatoo94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?both of those sound fantastic. i want to say fly, though, both because bird thing!!!!, my latest batch of Attachment/Projection Characters has me thinking about the idea a lot, and mind reading seems like it would likely become a burden on me. i struggle enough with other people's feelings about me as it is96: Winter or summer?winter. summer is consistently a miserable time for me101: Favorite type of shoesaesthetically, high heeled black lace up boots. irl i mostly wear combat boots, though103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?vegetarian. i don't really Know why; it was how i was raised, i have no actual desire to eat meat, and i'm reasonably certain trying to start now would interact disastrously with a lot of my preexisting food issues. also, some of you are incapable of not responding to asshole vegans by acting like eating meat is a moral imperative and it's ok to bully people who don't. so even if i did want to, i wouldn't out of sheer spite106: Do you like bugs?depends on the kind. bees/wasps, dragonflies, and butterfly/moth type things are all fine. i'm deathly afraid of crickets107: Do you like spiders?yeah! i think they're cute109: Can you draw:not very well, but i keep doing it anyway114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?cloudy. bright light tends to hurt me115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:i'm in an odd place right now where i'm either not sure if the people i'm closest to (and/or most want to Become close with) would be comfortable with anything of the sort, or know for a fact that they wouldn't be, so i'm going to refrain from naming anyone, but certain friends129: What would you want written on your tombstone?"túrin turambar dagnir glaurunga." for old times' sake/the sentimental value. i doubt christopher tolkien would give anyone permission for that, though131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?arrogance, ambition, drive to succeed out of sheer Spite. it's a very good aesthetic, but i don't imagine it's very pleasant to actually *interact* with someone with a complex about being #1 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?nope. i exclusively either smirk or keep my face as blank as possible; i don't think smiling like that looks good on me. 133: Computer or TV?computer. i don't actually know how to operate a television139: What nicknames do you have/have had?a lot. tends to come with changing your name 500 times. atm i don't really have any, to my slight disappointment140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?i had imaginary enemies as a kid143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?depends? it's hard for me to help people, especially to guess what kind of thing actually Is helpful to them, and i absolutely LOVE being given things, but also if i know someone well enough that we're giving each other things i would feel absolutely terrible not reciprocating, and doing it makes me happy. 145: How many languages do you speak fluently?only english, unfortunately. i have like a six year olds level of russian, which i want to improve, and i think i Could get there with japanese eventually if i start taking classes again147: Are you androgynous?honestly i can't really tell? not deliberately so, particularly, but i think i have a very Traditionally Feminine kind of pretty face and the way that combines with mostly masculine presentation and facial hair is pretty androgynous148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:this isn't a Specific Thing per se, but i do think HRT has been taking my appearance in a very "g1 seeker" direction and i am DELIGHTED151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?hm. viking stuff is a Big Aesthetic, but also i think i deserve to be a sickly victorian gentleman and die of tuberculosis154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?YES. this is one of my favorite forms of affection irl. also hand kissing is The Most Valid kind of kissing. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?yes!!!157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:talking to people when i'm not 100% sure where i stand with them or how much they like me. especially if i'm requesting anything.168: Do you like to wear makeup?i used to. i probably still would if i could do it without being read as a woman, but as it is the discomfort of being misgendered outweighs the joy of Having Sparkly Colors on My Face

#long post #ask memes #circus to air missile #VERY long post im sorry i. got a bit carried away #smoking ment

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mollyjames · 6 years

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It’s been two years today since I started on hrt. Two years ago I started on blockers. Five months later I would start estrodial. Five months after that, I finally started using female pronouns in public and changed my name.

My journey is a bit unusual, I think. Different, at least, from the narrative we’re typically presented with. We would expect someone to use their new name, to dress and present their gender before starting on hormone therapy. And thinking about it, there is a logic to that. It’s like you get to try out the gender before deciding if it’s right for you, and hrt will make permanent changes to your body. So why did I decide to dive straight into the deep end?

Well for a start, none of that is strictly true. Just ask anyone who has needed to drop their medication for a while. De-transitioning is very much a thing. So that warning about “permanent” change should really come with an asterisk. *Provided you remain subscribed. Also, people tend to overstate the dramatic impact suddenly growing breasts will have on a person. It’s... really not a big deal. Half of us go through that process during puberty and they survive. I’m, like, 26. Chill.

As a culture, we talk about hrt as though it needs to be earned, as if transness ought to be proved and verified before allowing us access to hormones. Hormones that, again, half of us already have. I waited as long as I did to get hormones because I was anxious about the hoops I would have to jump through. Would I have to go see a therapist for a year before starting? Would I be made to present femininely for an arbitrary period of time to satisfy some requirement?

Here’s how the conversation went with my doctor:

M: So I think... I might be... trans? D: Cool, cool cool. Sooo... would you like to start on hormones now? M: ...yes please.

I got lucky. I got very lucky.

It helps that I live in Seattle. This is about the queerest place I could live in the US. When I first came out to my PCP, she recommended me a specific doctor who would work with me and figure out the hormones that work for me, at my own pace.

Not one other trans person I’ve met has had this experience.

So why did I chose hormones first? Because I decided, first and foremost, my transition would be about the psychological relationship I had with my own body. It didn’t matter how I presented, or if other people saw me as a girl. What mattered most was I saw me as a girl. At that point, my gender was private. And I wanted to keep it that way until I decided I was ready to have those conversations with my friends and family. When I started hormones, I was prepared to start presenting femme if necessary. But it would have been difficult. To me, waking up every morning to put on makeup and putting on a “girly” outfit would have been the deep end.

That doesn’t have to be true of everyone. Everyone is different. It’s been two years and at this point, I don’t think I’ll ever bother with makeup. I have a handful of dresses that I like to wear on occasion, but my wardrobe is still predominantly gender-neutral (although, significantly more stylish than it used to be). My body has changed a lot, but whose hasn’t? The most dramatic change has been how much better my life is compared to two years ago. Two years ago I was struggling to figure out any kind of career. Now I’m having a real go at my dream of making a living off art, with a chill part-time gig I enjoy to pay for the essentials. I’m getting published in a comics anthology next January, which is still pretty mind-boggling tbh. And the people. There are so, so many people who I wouldn’t have met, who I wouldn’t have loved if I hadn’t transitioned. I think that’s what I appreciate most of all.

My journey has been unusual, but it’s also been pretty wonderful. I’m lucky, I’m so, so very lucky in so many ways. Transitioning has been joyful, and none of that has been marred by sorrow, hardship, and compromise the way so many others have. I wish I could tell you this was normal. I think it could be. I hope it will be.

-MJ

#trans stuff #personal #rebloggable

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transssexualheart · 2 years

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oh my god I need to learn to groom my face for gender reasons. some days I want a clean shave but I fear I'll want it right back as soon as I cut it off. but I just saw someone very androgynous looking pulling off a clean shave and thick sideburns and I could totally rock that. my sideburns are the fullest part of my facial hair- I wish the rest would get to that level, but maybe after a few more years of hrt. I did start microdosing for a good while there, but I'm now back on the full dose (a little bit more this time, I think) and I think my voice might even be getting a little deeper again already too...but maybe that's just me. I want to grow a thick mustache. anyway I'm taking the day off today because I woke up at midnight to throw up painfully and I think it's because I might have serotonin syndrome because this dumb fucking doctor wanted me to take two SSRIs at once and told me to stay on both for the rest of the month and I've been feeling weird lately. I can't even remember how long ago I started feeling weird. I sort of feel like everything is in this dreamlike state and when I try to think of what life has been like lately it gets all jumbled up in my head. I confuse real life with a dream. I feel like I'm dreaming a lot. also, I'm really anxious lately sometimes, even though before the anxiety med was helping. I think it still is curbing the anxiety to some extent, but I feel some old fears returning, and I've retreated into freeze response when something stresses me out. also I have headaches a lot lately, they're usually pretty dull and manageable with aspirin and weed but often times I have this hanging lingering headache in the back of my mind and the front of my head. also, my brain just hurts. I feel fucking bad. also obviously I threw up. nobody else in my house is throwing up, and I don't really get sick. I have a strong immune system and I'll usually be the last, so if I'm throwing up it means something inside my body is off balance, either I put bad food or drugs into it, or something is wrong with one of my organs. seeing as how I already suspected mild serotonin syndrome, vomiting is a symptom, and I threw up everything I ate yesterday five hours ago, I'm going to call my doctor when they open. hopefully they open on a Saturday. I feel bad having called into work but I threw up Christ's sake... that's always my rule. I never call out unless I physically cannot get to work safely or I've thrown up. All other times I can make excuses for myself about how I'm probably fine because I ALWAYS feel like shit, I'm probably NOT sick, but if I throw up it's like... okay. fine. something is wrong. because even though it happens fairly often lately tbh it's not regular at all and sometimes its a stomach bug I finally caught, sometimes it's food I shouldn't have trusted, sometimes it's kidney stones, and maybe sometimes it's serotonin syndrome. these are all valid reasons to call out of work, but I just wanna work through anything. damn my father for giving me that attitude. there's no point to this post I'm smoking my bong and thinking thoughts here, just trying to get thru this brainweird. it's 5am, that's when my shift usually starts. I'm going to go back to bed soon

#rain rambles #long post

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cryptozoologymp3 · 6 years

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🐹🐇✈️💎🐬🍪🎀 (you don't have to answer all of them i got!! carried away!!)

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

crobat: not only is it a massive purple bat, it was also one of the first johto pokemon as well as friendship evolutions i ever got in a game.gengar: my prank ghost kid! a round friend who just wants to have fun!totodile: the first time i played mystery dungeon i got this good croc boy & before then i was pretty indifferent but i got SO attached to it through blue rescue team that every pmd game after that i Had to be a totodile againswellow: my swellow in emerald literally saved my ass right at the end of the elite four bc i was out of revives, the rest of my team was out, and my Strong Bird Girl managed to pull through & end wallace for me.garchomp: my copy of diamond got corrupted & would randomly clone or delete pokemon in the boxes & at one point bc of this, i had almost a dozen of the Exact Same garchomp. i kicked my cousins ass with a team of 6 identical garchomps. that really endeared me to it tbh.raichu (both regular & alolan) & sigilyph: i just think theyre neat! shaped like friends.hawlucha: ill admit i didnt like it much for a while, mainly bc i never really needed either a fighting or flying type on my teams before, but since i started ultra sun & managed to track it down its really grown on me! my fastest strongest boy!!noivern: 1) i love bats. 2) im a sound lovin boy & its got speakers for ears.krookodile: i love my fat nasty sand man with the anime sunglasses and a surprisingly varied move selection.luxray: edgy cat that would Definitely kill to protect you if youre nice to it.incineroar: JUST LOOK AT IT!!! beefy fire wrestle cat whats not to like.

hhhhh im gonna cut myself off bc i Know i could keep gushing.

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

lmao having the resources for hrt & top surgery

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

oof theres a few choices for similar reasons here tbh. minneapolis/st paul or halifax bc of phd psych programs at universities there, marquette bc it really feels like home for me every time ive been back since spending a year there for uni, and calgary bc ive been enamored with the flames Forever, but out of all of them minneapolis/st paul probably takes the top spot bc theyve got the school, the hockey, AND the climate id want

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

id like to say kindness or bravery BUT its gotta be wealth bc then i could not only deal w costs for my own needs but i could also help support friends & donate more to a wider array of people & causes that need it

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

mothman bc im Gay or a werewolf bc i Should be already??? alternatively, a raven or black bear bc ive always loved them & the other option, an elk, is SUPER not viable what with all the hunting & culls here

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

for a really long time i wanted to be a dentist. now im in psychology & im really feelin social psych research even tho the job market for that is like. work at a university while youre still paying off student debt for the rest of your life.

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

bad tbh. all i have anymore is sports & achievement hunter merch, zipper hoodies, and plaid button ups. lazy grunge jock uncle.

#long post #thank you gabe i love you

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