#Just lovers just finished and im trying to cope

[qwymarkii]

(in)dependent

wc: 1.4k

tw: angst, mentions of intercourse, hardships, mentions of self-harm, miscommunication, crying, boyfriend!mark x fem!reader

a/n: not proofread. sorryy

not everything works.

some things can't be salvaged.

that's what mark told himself. what he's felt for the past year of how this relationship of yours wasn't his fault neither yours, that it had to come to an end. mark missed you. the week break the students were given was getting closer to the day you'd all have to return.

mark knocked upon the wooden door, which was immediately met by a giddy you, engulfing your boyfriend. mark of course smiled as he breathed in your scent. mark stepped inside your dorm, removing his shoes and placing his bag down. "what's got you so happy today? we have to go back tomorrow?" he questioned.

you laughed pulling him by the wrist to sit him onto your bed. you climbed on top of his lap kissing against his neck and jawline, beginning to speak, "nothing, i just missed. . . you. i was thinking we could—" mark then cut you off.

"no, no yn i think. . . we – we need to talk." he stated trying to push you off of him. it's like you were obsessed. not that there's a problem with that, he's your boyfriend after all but you were too obsessed. overzealously craving him.

mark was serious, you attempted to nip at his neck more, whining softly. but mark only pushed you completely off of him now standing in front of you. "don't do this mark, don't—baby don't leave me." you cried pulling at his shirt. "i need you close to me."

frustrated, mark put his hands up to his face to block his emotions. if without context, it'd seem like you were a creepy, fanatical person over your lover. but deep down you were just someone who wasn't given attention as an adolescent and now had someone to cling to, to grasp that attention from. you felt as if you needed to please mark, he was your boyfriend if you wanted him to stay, that would get the job done.

you thought that sex could be the glue to all your problems, make it seem like you were more appealing to love, just to show how devoted you were to mark. you'd hope in that case, mark would reciprocate. "no. what do we need to talk about? are you hurt? is something wrong?" if there was something wrong with your boyfriend that'd only make it 10 times worse for you.

mark sat down next to you, placing his hands on your thighs to soothe you. "baby, im fine i just need you to talk to me in this moment. okay?" mark circled his thumb against your exposed skin, bringing himself closer to you. "i just wonder." he trailed off, hesitant to ask. "have you ever thought of other ways to display your affection?"

your heart skipped a beat. "what do you not like when we —" your words frantically spilling out.

"no, no, no that's not it yn. its just." mark sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose "i-i just need some space you know? there's just a lot of the time where we — i don't want to be pleased in that way?" he said, pressing his lips in a thin line to reject his emotions.

"so no more. . ." you quietly asked, voice breaking. mark let his head slightly fall, "no yn im not saying no more. but a break wouldn't hurt... you know." he finished, you wrapped your arms around him, placing your head into the crook of his neck.

"i just love you so much. i-i need you, you're so perfect and i don't want you to leave me. i just want to show you how much you mean to me." you confessed. mark sighed it didn't seem like you were one-hundredly getting the message.

"im not going to leave you yn, im not going anywhere." mark reassured you, rubbing your tears away with his thumbs. "you- we just need to find a healthier way to cope with your needs towards me. okay?" tears continued to fall down your cheeks as mark continued. though he didn't completely intend for it to come off as you were being obsessive, he needed you to know that.

you shook your head trying to prevent more tears from falling, but it only intensified. "it's just.. mark~ i can't help it. it makes my skin itch i just want to touch you, even if we're out with friends. i just hate standing there not being able to let everyone see how much i love you. how much i appreciate you. mark i love you. i really do." you pleaded, biting the dead skin off your lips. mark cupped your chin bringing your gaze towards his.

"babe i know. . i know you hate it, but sometimes it can be too much for me. you don't have to please me in sexual ways to show that you love me. . ." your tears flowed like a river, constantly pouring down your face as you tried to understand where your lover was coming from.

"but, but i don't get to see you that often, especially with our dorms being split by gender. and we don't have any classes together, so i just want to make you feel good. i feel closer to you when we do." you explained, hoping he'd get where you were coming from. you thought maybe he brought this up because you'd been two had been at your friends alot more recently due to something they'd been going through.

"we've been sleeping in the same bed for a few nights now at karina's. yn promise me we're close." mark placed a kiss upon your forehead.

you brought your face slightly back up, kissing mark's neck, but he jerked back. "yn, stop." he places his hands on your shoulders to restrain you. he hates that he had to be this stern with you, seeing how easily it broke you down. but the conversation you just had telling you not to do that exact thing. he needed to tell you.

"why?"

"because. because yn i just kindly asked for you to give me some space! i love you yn i really do but i need the space. im so fucking exhausted you don't get it..." mark finally raised his voice out you for the first time ever.

he didn't like what he'd done but it had to been done. of course he'd know it wouldn't end well, you were too sensitive to be spoken to in that tone, but the action you were partaking in had to be addressed sooner or later.

you sat up and immediately got off of your boyfriend, feeling nauseous. it might've seemed dramatic but you detested the way it felt when people raised their voice to you. especially, when this was the one person you loved and adored most.

mark ran after you, unfortunately not quick enough before he was met with a slammed door. he'd never seen you react this quick to a situation like this and it brought panic to himself. mark knocked at the door, "yn, don't do this. . ." all that could be heard was your soft cries on the opposite side.

"yn. please i didn't mean to upset you like this.."

"go away mark!" you yelled back.

"no. im not going away til you open this door."

"i thought. . . you wanted your space. well look now you've gotten it. all the fucking space you could ever want." you spewed out, through tears and a broken voice. "baby..." silence was returned. mark called once more but only was met with the same silence.

"don't hurt yourself. please don't tell me you're hurting yourself..." mark cried, this whole situation seemed completely fucked.

"im not. mark just leave me be please."

"yn don't do this again, i'm here for you, i love you. i love the affection you give me, it's a bit excessive but i still love you. and i will no matter what. it was wrong of me to shove you off me like that and raise my voice...please don't hurt yourself." he pleaded, the last thing he need was you hurting yourself in any way.

"i'm not."

"good. can you come out then?"

"no! i want you, i just don't want to talk" you slowly opened the door and as per usual you clung onto him right away. "just hold me, i'm sorry for pushing you to do things, but please let me be close."

mark guided you over to your bed and lied down with you still in his arms. "i can do that, it's alright"

"just please don't yell at me again" you mumbled.

although the problem was never resolved, it had it one step closer to being fixed. that being realization of the problem. mark could fix you. he would fix you.

#kpop x reader #kpop fanfic #kpop au #college au #kpop bg #nct angst #mark x reader #mark lee #mark nct #nct x reader #kpop x y/n #angst with a happy ending #depressing shit #im so so so sorry #nct 127 #nct dream

[fatuismooches]

HIII SMOOCHES! I’m going on a dottore brainrot rampage and I’ve been craving zandy content like I just want to pinch his cheeks and protect him at all costs! BUT imagine if like, the segments pissed off reader one day because they’re so busy that they kind of stopped paying attention to them, so reader decides that instead of spending time with them they will instead spend time with zandy 🥺.

AND LIKE imagine if (in revenge) they just bake cupcakes and keep them all to themselves knowing that the segments have like this sweet tooth but they won’t get any cupcakes! 🧁Like imagine if Zandy tries to remake Webttores mask using white and black frosting on a cupcake but it just.. looks bad😭 I can just imagine how cute I’d be! Like one cupcake has too much blue frosting and sprinkles so it’s very sugary while one barely has anything because the frosting was finished. One cupcake has tiny eggshells in it because zandy didn’t crack the egg correctly 😭So like- while the segments are busy with their lab stuff there’s just reader and zandy making treats behind everyone s back.

IMAGINE IF A SEGMENT WALKED IN ON THEM ABD JUST STARED LIKE:😦 because they thought Zandy was busy studying or something and taht reader was possibly in one of the labs BUT instead they just see the kitchen being an absolute mess, flour everywhere, a bunch of dishes are also dirty😶 and they’re possibly wondering where did the sprinkles come from because they were sure they didn’t buy any sprinkle NOR FROSTING- what would the segments reaction be? Would they get jealous or let it slide because Zandy is a kid and stuff

Im sure you did something close but I’m missing Zandy content and I’m also craving cupcakes- I’m pretty sure I saw a post related to baking and stuff so I got inspired Sorry if there are any mistakes because my English is not very good😓 by the way can I be 🪭anon, pretty please ?

(x) With how many lovers you have, you'd think that you'd never be left wanting for attention... however, much to your dismay, that is incorrect. Even you, their darling, can be pushed aside for their experiments/research/work. And look, you're a pretty patient person, you understand they can't always pay attention to you, and you understand that. You've endured a lot of their Dottore-ness, and can cope pretty well, but this is far too much! When was the last time you were showered in their attention and kisses! Well, if that's how they want to be, then so be it! You'll deny them of your affection too! And instead spend it with someone who actually appreciates you, little Zandy of course! Doing what, you ask? Baking, of course! Making his favorite treats for being such a bb!

Although Zandy is sad watching you be sad that the other segments are neglecting you, at the same time he's happy because you're paying so much attention to him! The other segments always try to barge in and steal your attention... it's not fair... but not today! ZANDY TRYING BUT FAILING TO DESIGN THE CUPCAKES AS THE SEGMENTS IS TOO CUTE. After the first botched cupcake, you just laugh and then put your hands over Zandy's much tinier ones, directing and guiding him to frosting the cupcake properly. You definitely make more with the other masks, his earrings, the other Harbingers, etc!

The segments found you because of how much you two were giggling and having a grand old time without them... And to answer your question, it doesn't matter who or what is hogging your attention... if it's stolen for too long, they will get grouchy and annoyed... but the catch is that they can't get mad at Zandy because you will raise hell if anything mean was said to your precious baby. So they have to settle for pointed glares at you two instead as you hog all the cupcakes. Needless to say, they've learned their lesson.

#smooches talks #🪭 anon #dottore love notes <3 #zandy bb <3 #funny story anon... your emoji doesn't show up on my mac... (its just a square lol) #i had to go on my phone to add the emoji haha

[petertingle-yipyip]

mad at god (season 3) - matt murdock

season 1 // season 2 // season 2b // punisher spin-off

pairings: dex x reader, matt x reader, daredevil x exodus

summary: round and round she goes. just when she feels her life is on track and her emotions can occur without her own interference, her old enemy of Wilson Fisk begins to play games. Forced to choose between new friends and old, play the part or stand alone, life or death, things become as dangerous as they’ve ever been.

(1) house of memories: Times have changed since Midland Circle, so has Y/N. As she attempts to move forward, relationships are strained and circumstances are less than favorable. Can she cope on her own or will she fall back into old habits?

(2) all around me: Looped back in, Y/N has to make sure she holds on to what is starting to matter again. With rumors swirling of a copycat Mask, that grip gets desperately tighter.

(3) memories - Bridges burned and opportunity lost. Day by day the game against Fisk shifts more in his favor. How can Y/N fight back, protect her friends, and keep her career all at the same time?

(4) lavender haze - Betrayal and reunions. For Exodus, seems one can’t exist without the other. All relationships are tested when it all turns into something bigger.

(5) aimed to kill - Pages turn and bridges burn as Ex realizes the extent that she’s behind. When sentiment thrives amongst the chaos between her and her first love, question becomes whether they can fix their hearts with the lips that have left scars on each other.

(6) lover of mine - The constant circles and playing different parts grows more and more dizzying as events continue to unfold. Alliances tested and lives endangered, Ex and The Man in the Mask take a stand against the new Daredevil.

(7) as the world caves in - What feels like the final night alive, recovering from Dex’s latest attack feels almost impossible while trying to save everyone. The world continues to cave in around Ex while subconsciously adopting Matt’s old moral code, finding light in the dark.

(8) im not sorry -Moves and countermoves. The cat and mouse game nearly draws to a close as Nelson and Murdock reunite in a last ditch effort to finish things from the right side of the law.

(9) vigilante shit - Ladies always rise above but when one lady’s simply had enough, revenge takes human form in Hell’s Kitchen’s Exodus. With her rightful partner beside her, they take on the Kingpin and his former Bullseye.

Epilogue - all i wanted - Speaking from the heart, a good man is laid to rest and good friends are reunited. Plans for the future are scribbled on a new napkin and everything seems like it’ll be okay.

#ptyy mag #matt murdock #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x yn #daredevil x reader #mcu daredevil #mcu matt murdock #netflix daredevil #netflix matt murdock #matt murdock fic #matt murdock x you #daredevil x yn #daredevil x you #daredevil #daredevil fic #matt x reader #matt x you #matt x yn #daredevil angst #matt murdock angst #daredevil imagine #daredevil season 3 #daredevil series #matt murdock series #matt murdock s3

[leasstories]

Letter six:

TW: Depiction of grief; after Eddie’s death

Letter 5 - Letter 7

April 30th, 1986

Eddie,

I don't even know why I am writing those lines. But I miss you, and I'm angry at everyone who treated you badly. I saw Mrs Cunningham at the store and she started badmouthing on you. You can't imagine how much that hurts. To hear words about your boyfriend, your lover than you know aren't true.

I have to find a way to make see how you really where, who you were deep down. I just can't the idea that people still hate you and you did everything in your power to save them...

They should be so fucking grateful. But the problem is that they don't know that. They don't know how you really left us nor why.

I've been feeling sick lately. I don't know what happening to me.

Anyways, I called Hopper this morning. I got a part-time job as a secretary for now. He didn't want to give me a full-time job because of my current mental state.

He already told me that if one day I didn't feel like going to work, I could skip and he'd still pay me. He is a sweetheart but I can't accept this.

Wayne's invited me to play poker this afternoon. He told me all about how you've stopped playing with him when you were 15. You know, he wished he had one last game with you. He told me you were good at it. I wasn't that good. I wish you could have taught me...

I didn't really answer, I still cannot talk about you, except to defend you. As for Wayne he can only do it when he's remembering something about you. It's hard to hear him talk about you, but I can't be selfish, he needs it and that's why I'll let him talk about you as much as he wants. Even though it hurts.

Wayne said he would stop by this afternoon.I really have to clean up the trailer... I never have the strength to do mundane tasks and the trailer is a real mess. You would tell me: "Sweetheart, you're worse than me." And you would have chuckled.

I really don't want Wayne to see how bad I'm doing. He is already there for me more than he should. Besides it would break his heart and the poor man already has to cope with your departure so I don't want him to have to cope with my shitty mental state.

I know he already sees I am not doing good, I just don't want him to see the extent of how bad I feel. I don't want to add this pressure on him. I don't want to become a burden.

Anyways, little genius finally finished writing the campaign. Even if it's hard I promised to him that I would read it so that's what I'm going to do right after writing this letter. I will tell you about everything about it tomorrow. But I'm sure it's gonna be good, as you always said, the kid's a genius, even though his ego is the size of the World Trade Center. I know you would have laughed at this joke. And called me a "smarty pants" but that's true ! Don't even try to argue with me on that !

Anyways, he gave me the campaign and I'll try reading today. They are going to play it on Friday. I can't watch it, I don't feel capable of doing so. I'm sorry Eddie, I know you want me to watch the campaign, I know you don't like the fact that I asked Dustin to kill off my character. But DnD without you makes no sense.

On a more positive note, I'm going out with Gareth and Jeff tonight. They said and I quote "we don't want to be sulking all alone in your house tonight so let's go The Hideout."

Gareth even added "please sneak some beers for me." Im not so fond of the idea but who am

I ? Definitely not his mom, so he'll get his beer. Don't worry, I'll supervise him.

The boys are missing you too you know. We're all missing you.

Eternally yours,

- Your sweetie

Taglist: @abellmunsonmovie

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x yn #eddie munson #the loneliest universe

[sawyer-is-not-my-name]

Ominis Gaunt x G/N! Reader

cw: anxiety, hl spoilers, a shared trauma, blood

synopsis: reader escapes their trauma in a way Ominis isn’t to keen on

Your fingers rapped at the door nervously, you pulled your hand back placing it back on the strap of your bag. Your heart seemed to be pounding out of your chest, you wanted to turn around and head home but it was too late. The door swung open, revealing your disheveled looking husband. Despite lacking site he knew if was you, “Darling, what happened?” His voice calming your anxiety, “why were you out in the rain… you reek of blood- it’s not your right?!?”

You bowed your head “not all of it” you responded, he grabbed your hand tugging you into the warmth of the house. He cast a spell lighting some candles, not for him but for you, so caring in that way. He pulled a chair put for you getting a rag and getting to work assessing the damage. Scars had seemed to collect on your skin since your fifth year, the spots only reminding you of the darkest years of your life.

You flinched as his fingertips met your skin “sorry” “sorry” the words fell from both your lips at the same time, small laughs accompanying it.

When he finished patching you up, he sighed waiting for your explanation. “What was it this time?” you bit your lip, you hated worrying him with your problems. You knew after everything your fifth year, you weren’t the only one suffering from the trauma. You just couldn’t seem to cope with it, everything you tried wasn’t working despite it being five years since.

“You left without even leaving me a sign to where you were! What if you never made it home? What would I do then?” A tear fell down your cheek as you looked down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to worry you.” he remained stone faced at the response.

“I need you to tell me, whats going on in that brilliant mind of yours, dove.” His hands reached out to yours gently clasping over them. “The nightmares are back.” your voice was small, but he heard you. He hadn’t known the past was still haunting you as much as it was him.

“You too?” you just nodded allowing him to pull you into him. “why don’t we try something?” you looked up at him nodding into his chest. “I know you wanted to just pretend it didn’t happen, but what if instead we talk about what happened, just to each other. Just you and me, dove. If it doesn’t work we’ll stop but let’s just try it for the sake of trying something different.” You weren’t sure it was going to work but for him you’d try it.

—time skip—

you awoke to the sun coming in through the curtains hitting your face, and your lovers fingers tracing your features. “Morning, dove. How did you sleep?” You smiled into the hand that was on your cheek, “a lot better than I used to.” He pressed a kiss into your lips a smile gracing both pf your faces.

Six months since you’d had a nightmare, your trauma no longer held you captive. You spent your nights in the blonds arms, no longer leaving him in the middle of the night. His fears finally being quieted by knowing you were safe at night and not fighting poachers god knows where.

“Can we go back to sleep now?” he laughed lightly, “I already let you oversleep,” hugged the man above you, “but I’m so comfy and I don’t want to move” he groaned before finally giving in agreeing to give you another five minutes, which of course turned into and hour.

—-

i know that took longer than usual to get something out but i keep getting sick so i apologize. Lifes been a little hectic as of late and my priorities are health and school so its a little difficult at the moment to post, but im trying! love yall

#fanfic #hogwarts legacy x y/n #hogwarts legacy x reader #hogwarts legacy fanfic #ominis gaunt x gn reader #ominis gaunt x mc #ominis gaunt x y/n #ominis x mc #ominis x gn reader

[blooming-violets]

I JUST FINISHED SMITTEN AND IM IN LOVE<333 THE ENDING IS SO 😭😭😭😭 idk if you take requests rn but if you do, can you please write a short drabble on how mia and peter's relationship would be like now that they have child? but ofc if you're not comfortable to write it, it's fine!! i was just curious :))

This is not an actual blurb but I rambled for a long time anyway.

You made me go back and reread the epilogue because my memory is so bad that I low key forgot what happened.

I always wanted Mia's story to be kind of tragic. She went through something so horrific that her life was never going to be easy. Even before Peter, she was suffering through serious trauma. People don't bounce back from that with ease. I made sure to mention that she started going to therapy but then quit when she felt judged by their comments. It's unknown if the therapist was actually judging her or simply making an observation but, because of Mia's entire life history and personality, she took it as them looking down on her which made her quit. She hasn't gone back to therapy since then. It's the same thing that happened between her and Patrick's relationship after Peter. She took his comments as a personal judgment and attack to make her feel small and disgusting. So she ran away.

I wanted to make it so she was dealing with everything on her own like she had her whole life. She can't trust people because she thinks they have ulterior motives or hide their true feelings. In her messed up thinking, Peter was the only one who showed her his true self so she knew what to expect. For her story to ever work with Peter, she needed to be incredibly vulnerable, kicked down, extremely isolated, have zero self-worth/think so little of herself, and be financially stuck. I tried my best not to romanticize their situation and actually show the reasons as to why she was ever accepting of him. Her way of thinking was never okay. Mia needs serious, professional help that she's not getting because she has no one in her life who cares enough to step in. She's very much alone.

All that rambling to say, that's exactly how I tried to set her up in the epilogue even after she escaped Peter. Not much has changed from before she was with Peter to after. She tried to heal but fell short. Sadly, I think it's very truthful. So many people end up back with their abusers. When all you have is yourself to keep you in check, it's really easy to lose track of things and resort back to what you know.

Mia is still alone, trying to raise a daughter who looks an awful like her captor, and dealing with trauma that she has no outlet for. Her PTSD is currently manifesting itself into hypersexuality. She wants people to use her so that she can feel a sense of familiarity that she's always known.

About ptsd and hypersexual behavior:

"People also often feel tremendous guilt or shame in line with their trauma, which can promote hypersexual behavior. Sex, in this case, can be seen as a coping mechanism used to manage the symptoms of PTSD. Many people feel hypersexual impulses as their brains are focused on the trauma. They can enter an unhealthy cycle where they seemingly reenact their trauma. As mentioned, this can be a coping mechanism for many."

This is where Mia is right now. She's clearly scared of Peter. She's scared for her daughter. But there's a part of her that is relieved to see him. She doesn't have to wonder or worry about where he is anymore. He's standing in front of her. She's able to physically have him in her sights. She can monitor everything that he does. She no longer has to live in the unknown. Her abuser is right there and she knows what to expect...almost craves it because it's familiar and she's tricked herself into think that she loves him. If she loves them then it makes everything easier to digest. He's not an evil stranger, he's her lover. She can twist his actions into love to soothe her own messed up thinking.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY that I think Mia would let him back into her life without a fight, as sad as that is to think about. I want her to take her daughter and run but everything we know about Mia doesn't align with that. The moment she decided not to kill him when she escaped the basement was the moment she chose him over her own life. She killed Jake. She could have killed Peter too but she didn't. That was her choice and Peter knows it. He knows he has her wrapped around his finger and has full control over her. His plan from the very start worked. Mia is his. She lost the fight. For now. She can still change! And I like to believe that she does...because she lives in my head and it's my story so I can force her to eventually change if I want haha.

I see Peter living in secret with her for a while. I see her willingly and almost excitedly letting him have sex with her. She wants to reenact her trauma and he's the perfect one to replay that scenario with. If I wrote this, there would be a lot of really crazy, dark smut.

I think she'd let him get close to Sofia only under extreme supervision. She wouldn't let him see her unless she was there. No matter how long he was around, I don't believe she'd ever give up control over Sofia to him. It would be the only time the fantasies in her head would drop back to reality whenever he interacted with Sof. She'd feel a tightness in her throat and anxiety in her stomach that she would try to push away but could never quite shake anytime he looked at her daughter.

I think they would play house for a little bit until one day Mia would finally snap, the reality of what they were doing sinking in and slapping her in the face, and she would probably stab him to death or something crazy then sink his body in the bottom of the pond on the property. No one but her and Sofia know he was ever there. She'd tell Sof that he had to leave and wasn't going to come back. Eventually Sofia probably forget about him because she's only three. It would be Mia's dirty secret that she would take the grave. No one would ever know. It's the only way she could ever be free of Peter. Jail wouldn't cut it. The only way for her to be sure that he would never return to her life would be through death.

Sofia would grow up wondering why she was never allowed to swim in the pond and Mia would tell her it's because of leeches...which would conveniently mimic that one flashback of Aunt May telling Peter not to go swimming and Peter killing the leech in that exact same pond thus implying that maybe the story one day repeats itself but with Sofia growing up in Peter's footsteps. Because a daughter of a serial killer father and a mother who's murdered two people as a result is a great villain origin story.

The End.

#smitten extra #i havent thought about this story in a good minute #oof

[lexpressobean]

I have been enabled so Im gonna go on some more about my 30+ Messy ShinoHina lol (i'm shy but im also easy to squeeze more out of if you're polite enough lol)

More specifics under the cut because this became very... long after all I typed so, I will leave the fluff lovers some songs that really set the mood for me at certain parts of the story here <3 I don't hate fluff, I just need to balance it out with some feral behavior lol!

"Comfortable with the Silence" by Andy Shauf

"Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

"Feelings" by Lauv

"Near to You" by A Fine Frenzy

---

Now, the biggest thing I need people to understand about the whole situation is that everyone, everyone acts less than ideal at some point, to put it lightly. Because ideals are still just ideals, and even if you don't go looking for mess, you will experience it in your relationships as it is inevitable. People make mistakes, bro. And sometimes you just gotta live with what happens. You can't always heal or take it back, and you will experience both things simultaneously sometimes too. And it's shitty and will always feel bad. Stains, and scars, they are just proof that you have lived and have experienced things in life. No one is flawless. No one stays clean. All you can do is learn to cope and move forward with time, while trying not to make it someone else's problem. But that third thing can also still happen unintentionally too, and then new mess happens! Mess is natural. Sometimes, it only seems worse than it really is when all you do is focus on it. Other times, is continuously gets worse because of denial. It's honestly a truly wonderful thing when all parties can sit and really work through things together when Mess occurs, but that's assuming they can do so without getting toxic or distrustful and all that other bullshit that is ultimately counterproductive and makes walking away the healthiest choice at the end of the day.

And that's kind of the point, and my main reason for going this route with Shino and Hinata in a romantic sense. I feel Shino and Hinata are both the most likely, out of all the Konoha 13, to avoid and deny mess at all costs, in any situation, even at the expense of themselves in some way or form. Not just in personality, but also because of their socioeconomic standings too, but I won't get into that part of it too much rn.

Shino's behavior becomes warped more early on at the start of the story. Yeah, Shino has always been more petty and has even said or done things in canon that come off less than stellar, but they are also the kind of things that are usually harmless and finished as soon as the moment passes. But in this case, Shino refuses to act on his long standing desires, which are so strong, he's been unable to truly stamp out his feelings since he was 17, even after his heart really broke for the first time. He feels, knows deep in his bones as Hinata's and Naruto's friend as well, that Naruto isn't the person Hinata should be with. But because he wants Hinata to be happy, and respects her desicions, and because he is her friend, teammate, and fellow noble clan kid at that, he will support her first before he attempts anything selfish. And because he also still sees Naruto as his friend, and someone who at his core is a good person despite his treatment of Shino himself and obvious dumbassery, Shino swallows his jealousy and his judgment and his want. And so, he loses his chance through his self-inflicted restraint. He chooses to do this simply because it seemed like the right thing to do, for his friends. Getting involved the way he wanted to would only make things messy, regardless of how confident he is that things will work in his favor, which probably wasn't much anyway. Because how dare Shino try to impose himself on his... friend, and challenge... his other friend... Shino would never want to hurt his friends... but the thing is, you can't always keep everyone happy. You still count and will always count when everyone is involved. It was his choice to stay unhappy.

Hinata, in comparison, doesn't feel it until later, when it also feels like it's too late. And as it creeps up, she refuses to acknowledge her growing sense of disillusionment after she quite literally gets her wish from childhood, her Infinite Tsukuyomi even! She got what she wanted!! How dare she even think any ungrateful thoughts about her own situation!!! And yeah, maybe her dream didn't become an absolute nightmare... but anything less than a dream come true is still really disappointing, especially when the rose colored glasses come off so late in the game. But being unwilling to admit that will also cause her to grow closer and closer to a breaking point anyway. And deterrents are hell sometimes. The legal binding of marriage, their two kids, the fact Naruto is the Hokage, her already well known standing with her own Clan that, politically, will never paint her in a good light... All of that pressure to keep on keeping on even though she's so unhappy... She'd undeniably be the sole reason for her family 'falling apart', externally, from an outsider's point of view. And no one wants to hurt the people they love, even if they're hurting themselves in some way. Her behavior becomes warped some time later after more developments though.

But, well, it really all begins when they both fucking explode, but they ONLY explode after they're both pushed too far by someone else. But after the dust settles they both realize in their own ways that, point blank it sucks a lot that it happened like that, but they can either succumb to their situation for good, or frame it as something new, like they were both given an opportunity. Only by working past their fears, deterrents, and even false senses of morality will they get to really change their situations. It's about how they do so.

Hinata will explode first, because she will find out that Naruto has undeniably cheated on her with Sasuke. And my mind can't decide how exactly, but in the end, it doesn't matter how he did it, but he did, she finds out and she just breaks down about it all. Shino will follow suit when he realizes Hinata is broken up, and when he finds out exactly why... boy, his coniption will be fucking legendary. But the only person to actually see it would be Hinata, and it's alarming and distressing but especially terrifying because for a moment much too long, she could feel in Shino an intent to kill... and suddenly everything else is so miniscule for that moment because Hinata's best friend would actually fucking try to murder her husband...

W h a t

He doesn't mean to take his anger out on her, and he doesn't actually anyway, but his words and actions in the moment are horrifying and all she wants to do is calm him down, and she does it by pulling from some hidden reserve of strength she has as Naruto's Wife and Mother of his Children. Because it's all so confusing and so bad but goddamn it you will NOT fuck with her family!

Feelings don't disappear in an instant. Shino would know that better than anyone. It's a punch in the gut and really wounds him despite all logic but it's exactly what he needs to just... stop being so crazy. And because of this, after he calms down, and he takes several steps back and probably a seat, he realizes no matter how hard he tries he just can't won't (be honest Shino!) move on either. He will not because deeper still in his heart of hearts, he always knew he wanted to at least try. His main regret is that he hid behind the farce of 'true friendship' to stay close to her, but one can't blame themself for lack of confidence too. Sometimes the cookie will crumble as it may, but now... now as messed up the situation has become, his pent up frustration and regrets and his fucking desire override his logic and his inner goblin man comes out much more often and as fucked as it is, will probably try to gain Hinata's favor while she is still down and sorting through things. He's not doing it on purpose but mans just does not want to wait any longer. Because he was waiting since forever whether he admits it or not and he decides that Naruto DEFINITELY does not deserve this woman. He never did and never fucking will.

BUT... but but but, Hinata... has to just... process everything. Shino promises he was just so upset for her. What? He wouldn't kill Naruto. How could he ever? He is Fine, he is Good, he is going to go home and lay down. And he wholeheartedly apologizes for such an unbecoming reaction... Hinata chose to confide in Shino and flying off the handle like that was entirely inappropriate. Embarrassing and shameful even. Not the support Hinata obviously needs. Of course he will keep this all confidential, of course, no need to worry... She didn't need any of that, and Shino will never be able to apologize enough but all things considered, he will support her as best as he can. He is so so sorry but wants to be there for her, that is the truth.

And it really is the truth, but it still shakes Hinata to her core. That will never be a normal reaction from Shino. There is no explanation for that reaction, but Hinata still trusts him... she knows she can trust him to follow through with what he says... but it itches. It's an itchy and confusing sensation as she tries to dig further into why Shino was so crazy there for a moment? Does it mean something that Shino was so upset, almost more than Hinata even? Was Hinata not upset enough??? Meanwhile she's trying to work things out with Naruto who got caught and even though the threat of death can really put things into perspective fast, Hinata will have to realize there's a difference between loving someone, caring for someone, and being in love with someone. What exactly was she feeling in that moment? And what will she do now that Naruto is coming clean and explaining himself??

.

And on and on like that. As for Naruto and Sasuke, and Sakura, it's like this whole... thing that I'm still exploring. Because as a queer person myself, who's had a complicated journey and relationship with my own queerness, it's something I wanna address too. Because SNS is a crazy ride in itself, and Sakura, she deserves so much more as well...!!!

--

Bonus songs for reading all of this!!

"A 1000 Times" by Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam

"Dance Inside" by The All-American Rejects

"Wave" by Meghan Trainor ft. Mike Sabath

"I'm OK" by Manila Killa & AObeats ft. Shaylen

"Personal" by The Vamps ft. Maggie Lindemann

#shino aburame #aburame shino #hinata hyuuga #hyuuga hinata #shinohina #lexsramblings #naruto #i don't mean to sound so dramatic but it is what my brain has put forth #and it's also very much still a wip lol #anywho I hope its easier than not to see where I'm going with this #i think i just see so much soft shinohina #and im actually a very bitter person who's had to l e a r n #so i kinda wanna throw them into the fire simply because I can haha #its very indulgent nonsense through and through lol

[vex91]

ok so goose anon here (i shld pick another emoji i swear) BUT ANYWAYSSSS OK SO IVE FINISHED LOVER AND LET ME GIVE MY 2 CENTS FIRST OF ALL love the fact that in the first few chapters shows drinking as a coping mechanism OF COURSEEE NOT SAYING I SUPPORT BUT YOU GET IT hmmm after reading 23 chapters (if i recall correctly) NOT GONNA LIE i dont wany yn to get back with chaewon AS MUCH AS I LOVE HERR SHES JUST GIVING TOO MUCH STOP SIGNS RED FLAGS WARNING SIGNS IDL IT and for yunjin...ill have to wait and see her CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT CONTINUE (hopefully) but honestly id rather tn date yuqi ZHANGZHANGZHANGGGGG(dramtic sound effect) LET ME EXPAINNNNN id rather she not go back to some one that broke her heart cause (ive gont through it too) and i get that yk yunjin didnt do it on purpose but the fact that she did it once..she can always do it again ykykykykykyk but if you made me pick chaewon or yunjin id say yunjin YES yunjin said some NASTY things to yn but yk at least she didnt KISS ANOTHER GIRL THATS HER EX? i mean im a strong beliver of if they can do it once they can do it again yk chaewon is better off with minju imo she cant lie to herself and say she loves yn more when she KISSED mj back so I PERSONALLY would rather have 2kim talk it out and yk if it works out they date or if they dont theu just stay single for...the near future and yn date yunjin kek if you want a BIG plot twist...ynXyuqi HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA OK THATS ALL HEHE

Oh I enjoyed reading that a lot lmao😂

Would you believe me if I said that this story was supposed to be a not that big of a mess when I first started planning it? In the end I decided to make everyone suffer.

Honestly I agree with you about Chaewon, it's hard to believe in her words because she isn't sure of her own feelings anymore, plus that kissing ex thing while being in a happy relationship.... yeah if it happened to me I would be out😅

I saw a lot of Yunjin stans here waiting to see what happens with Yunjin, also Yuqi stans are trying very hard to have Yuqi endgame lmao😂 Well only time will tell what happens in the story next right?

Oh god I love hearing thoughts like this about my smaus so much❤

#vex answers

[ahaura]

azalea crocus & tigerlily !!! MWAH KEESES 💓

azalea— what is the most recent song you listened to? how do you feel about it? it was extraordinary girl by green day ! i haven't listened to them in a few years so i've been revisiting. im not really sure how it makes me feel because revisiting them as an adult is an odd experience and i was never familiar with the narrative context as a kid so it's... like coming home but aware of the tragedy of the story

crocus— do you have any significant dreams that you remember? what were they about? i do remember some of the dreams ive had over the years. when i was a kid i had a dream that my family and i were camping but there was a zombie chasing us, and the zombie was invisible except for the shoes, and i remember trying to climb into the car before it could get to us. it scared the shit out of me fjdkfsjfdkj

tigerlily— do you have any favorite quotes from any movies, tv shows, books, or poetry? (or from people in real life) OH YOU BET I DO !!!!!

I love you. I want us both to eat well. (Christopher Citro, "Our Beautiful Life When It's Filled with Shrieks")

The girl is gone. She is plumb finished. (Catherynne M. Valente, Six-Gun Snow White)

What / is it they say, heart-sick or downhearted? […] What the heart wants? The heart wants / her horses back. (Ada Limón, "Downhearted")

You'd think she'd stay, but [she] vanishes in a flash. (Little Forest, dir. Yim Soon-rye)

for I will be horribly in love with her. (William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing, dir. Josie Rourke)

Is nothing of mine sacred? (Marjorie Liu & Sana Takeda, Monstress)

I will not allow that I was moved by justice rather than love, for justice is also a form of love. (Susan Sontag, The Volcano Lover)

See ya / see ya / see ya real soon. (Catherynne M. Valente, "Mouse Koan"

Frodo : What are we holding on to, Sam? Sam : That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for. (Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, dir. Peter Jackson)

I love you. I'm glad I exist. (Wendy Cope, "The Orange")

Just like that, she says, and goes. (Ling Ma, Severance)

There is no one like her. (Mary Gordon, Joan of Arc: A Life)

He was far from the lizard of love. (Leonora Carrington, The Seventh Horse And Other Tales)

Tell her to come home. (An entry in the Iñupiat dictionary for the Alaska Rural School Project from the University of Alaska, p. 1970, referenced for the North Slope and Kobuk River dialects)

Should we go into it together / If I go into it / with you I will never come out (Margaret Atwood, Power Politics)

What if love comes for everyone? (Destination Wedding, dir. Victor Levin)

#inbox #TYSM HEATH!!!! KEESES!!!! hope ur having a good day <3 <3 <3

[mylarena]

i said a few days ago that Youth by Daughter was a Jaskiercore song and i wanted to elaborate on that, so under the cut is some stupid shit i wrote abt it!

i tried so hard to format this shit but tumblr would NOT listen to me so I simplified it (im hoping it actually kept what i did now)

Shadows settle on the place that you left Our minds are troubled by the emptiness Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time From the perfect start to the finish line Loss of a muse and a friend. Their beginning in Posada. Their friendship. (The disregard for the countless stinging insults thrown) The mountain.

And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones 'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs The thought that the muse doesn't care for their parting, that it benefited him instead.

Setting fire to our insides for fun Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong The lovers that went wrong Poor coping mechanisms- drinking, lack of self care, lack of self preservation. Countless lovers, those he's fallen for one fleeting night, only to be chased away by the partners he was unaware of.

We are the reckless, we are the wild youth Chasing visions of our futures One day, we'll reveal the truth That one will die before he gets there 18 years at Oxenfurt, dreaming of being a traveling bard. 18 years in Posada, finding a muse in a white-haired witcher with a terrible reputation. 18 years, traveling on the Path, falling in love with a man who is so good and so kind yet so hated. 40 years, climbing down a mountain. 40 years, with no more muse. 40 years, harboring a broken heart.

And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones 'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone Bitterness stemming from rethinking his entire life on the Path, denial, trying to suppress the overwhelming hurt he feels.

We're setting fire to our insides for fun Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home It was a flood that wrecked this home Channeling this overflowing hurt into songs that he'll never sing. Channeling this fire into the songs he does sing.

And you caused it And you caused it And you caused it Blaming his muse for breaking his heart. Blaming a sorceress for taking the heart of his muse. Blaming himself for being foolish enough to give his own heart to a man who never wanted it.

Well, I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette I'm a lifeless face that you'll soon forget What could a mortal's impact be on someone who will live forever? Twenty years is nothing in the life of an immortal man.

And my eyes are damp from the words you left Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest Harsh vitriol spat, blame placed on undeserving shoulders. The crushing of a heart utterly devoted to loving someone.

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one 'Cause most of us are bitter over someone Setting fire to our insides for fun To distract our hearts from ever missing them But I'm forever missing him Bitter over a love unrequited. Bitter over his own blindness. Burning the traces of a lost muse from his mind. Throwing himself into making a change in the world around him. The lingering affection he holds for a man who held none for him in return.

And you caused it And you caused it And you caused it Blaming the world. Blaming destiny. Blaming his heart.

#myposting #jasktag #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geralt of rivia #yennefer of vengerberg #those two are just mentioned but i figured if tag them anyway #sorry if that bothers peoplejfghgjjh #the witcher #id write this in like. a normal way but i like writing about lyrics this way #im hoping that it appeals to The Masses 👍

[divineei]

the only one that matters. go kyung jun x fem!reader

❝ i don’t give a fuck about them. we are getting out of here, yeah? you and me. together.❞

wttpd ver!

# exes to lovers, slow burn, lingering feelings, rekindling a past relationship, angsty, hints of obsessive behavior, new/cool girl!yn (not cringe), kyung jun is a fucking mess, death and descriptive gore

a/n. u better reblog the shit out of this bc if it flops im retiring, fr fr. i still don’t have the whole ff mapped out bc i want to try and fix the absolute train wreck that is this kdrama so just bare w/ me yall. also don’t jump me if i lose motivation mid way and don’t finish this fic pls, a girl just trynna cope </3

🏷️ @flaneurpastel - @jwijii - @watamotee33 - @flowerbin131 - @y-umiko

CONTENTS

! zero. old beginnings

! one. to keep a promise

! two. ???

© to @divineei on tumblr; do not repost or steal

#sorry y’all but this is #fem reader #bc this is self-indulgent af #night has come #night has come kdrama #go kyung jun #cha woo min #ko kyung jun #night has come kyung jun #night has come x reader #ko kyung jun x reader #night has come kyung jun x reader #kyung jun x reader #ko kyungjun #go kyungjun

[chaptersclosed]

(⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ chaptersclosed blog

Table of Contents

Basic DNI Criteria

DMs/Messaging Information

About Me

Closing messages

“ STOP QUOTING ME BEING A WHORE ”

♡ Basic DNI Criteria ♡

Proshippers

TERFs

Transmeds

18—

Racists

Xenophobes

Kinkshamers (IM TIRED OF IT ALL!!!)

29+

B3ast1ality

Any weird fetishes (feet, and... others.)

“ Sometimes all a boy wants is a cringe trans bf who calls him a good boy. ”

♡ DMs/Messaging Information ♡

Asks are appreciated! Please do not DM me if you are under eighteen, since I am an adult and do not want kids/people under eighteen looking at my blog in general. It's weird, at least for me, to look in my DMs and see a minor messaging me. This can get me in trouble, so I'm not open to it if you are under eighteen. If you're an ageless blog, I'd appreciate it if you didn't message, but you still can and it'd be absolutely okay!! However if your blog does even somewhat hint at you being a minor I will close DMs. Over eighteen can feel free to DM me at any time! I don't mind nsfw/flirty DMs, nor do I mind it when you send NSFW/flirty asks. It actually makes me happy.

TLDR; Don't DM if you're under eighteen, ageless can slide unless I catch a small hint.

“ If I don't wake up with him in my bed I will cry. ”

♡ About Me ♡

Hi! I'm the main author of chaptersclosed, and you can just call me Vinny! It is an American nickname, but I don't wanna include my other preferred name, since I do put it on most formal documents. I'm over 18, and I am a bit uncomfortable stating my actual age but I am under 29, which is a pretty broad spectrum so feel free to guess what my age is! I will let you know it is over 19. I'm a Polish Jewish man, although I am trans and currently still doing testosterone shots because I had a bad road recovering from top surgery and bottom surgery scares me a bit (I watched a video on the procedure and it scared me). I am a college nursing major working on specialization, and as of currently, live in America! Yes, it is fucking HELL over here, but I'm a firm believer in it can't possibly get worse (it's getting worse). Also, D.I.D system here, so that is exactly why I said I'm the main author! Please expect to see some little things here and there, especially stuff about what sign is who. We use kink to mostly cope but also just because some of it gives us better self esteem (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

♡ Closing Messages ♡

I am pretty actively involved with some kinks, notably pet play, and I would enjoy meeting other people in the scene!! Alongside being neurodivergent and a firm lover of cringy trans guys. t4t lets go!!! (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

(Also, puppyboy terms may occasionally shift out because of either personal preference or difference in alters)

“ I will cum if you do that. ”

There isn't much left to say, thankfully, but please do know that I won't always be online! If you do shoot me a DM please dont get made if I don't respond immediately, I'm either in college, finishing a game, or trying to sleep.

Love, Vinny (chaptersclosed) ♡

Thank you for reading this!

#jewish #transmasc #t4t #petpl4y #introductory post #intro post #chaptersclosed #did system

[vigilvntes]

Hey, let me tell you I've been in a trance with Adrian since finishing peace maker, and your blog hits the spot. 💜💜 And I have an idea that has been in the back of my head. Maybe you could expand?

Okay soo...I imagine that for threesome hookups Adrian and Chris would seek then out on more than one occasion. And their go to would be the seamstress that makes their costumes. An introverted fashion student. However, after repairing their suits once the butterfly situation was over, she didn't hear from them at all for months. And it's not like she hasn't tried, calling or texting them when she had the courage. All on deaf ears...beep.

"It's me. I don't know what's going on. Can you please answer the phone? Or just send a text? Fuck.

So, fuck it! Life moves forward. The mundane 9 to 5 won't work it's self. In the process, she meets someone, who is simple and sweet. Flowers on the first date sweet, and all the right little words. No lasting thoughts on her previous duo. Until, a loud knock interrupts a night of endless sewing. And her past lovers come back with a vengeance, and their own thoughts on what she had been doing in their absence.

That's all I lot lol. I've never done an ask this long so, let me know what you think! I hope it's okay!

--🐢💜

HELLOKSNSNDBF????????????? I LOVE U??????? AND I LOVE THIS IDEA??????????????????????? I WANNA FUCKING WRITE THIS SO BAD BUT IDK IF YHATS OK WITH YOU BUT HOLY FUCKDKDKD IM SCREAMING

no but just imagine it starts out as sex, just threesomes to help chris cope with whatever he has going on and adrian is just . he's feral so he's there for a good time. and at first they just have sex and leave. but soon they find themselves spending the night at her place all snuggled up together in her bed and it just turns into so much more. they start ripping and tearing their costumes on purpose just as an excuse to see her, sometimes they don't even wanna hook up, they jusy wanna knock a few beers back with her in her kitchen. and like they won't admit that feelings are involved, chris is too emotionally stunted and adrian is kinda insecure and just thinks that he's good at sex so that's why she keeps him around but really all three of them are kinda in love??? like it was just sex but then it turned into picking up takeout and making breakfast in bed and brewing three cups of coffee in the morning and watching shitty morning tv together.

and their last nighy together,,, chris and adrian know that they're gonna have to lay low for a while since the whole amanda waller thing. either skip town for a while or just go into hiding so they go to see her one last time and it's really intense??? she probably wouldn't know why because i don't think they'd have the heart to tell her but they'd be saying all this cryptic shit and she'd have no idea what the fuck they're talking about when they say they're gonna miss her until it's been 3 weeks and she's sending them another voicemail, drunk and teary eyed and begging them to answer their phones just so she can hear their voices. this goes on for days, weeks, months and eventually she just kinda accepts that they're not coming back. whether they're dead or they've gone away or they just don't want her anymore they're gone and she has to move on. so eventually, she does.

and oh my god. the drama. both of them are fuckin jealous and possessive, obviously not when it comes to each other but when it involves her,,, yes. so they'd come back and somehow catch wind that she's seeing someone else. maybe adrian sees her out with another guy, or he just snoops around and asks about you. so they turn up on her doorstep. she would try to shut the door in their faces because she's one second away from a meltdown but chris would shove his foot into the door and adrian would still his face in the gap and beg to be let in. so fuck it she lets them in. and it's super awkward and super tense and they're making snide comments and petty remarks then one of them mentions the guy and just. full scale cassie howard meltdown

like she would blow the fuck UP because who the fuck do they think they are to come back and act like they own her??? like they're still a thing??? and she'd scream that the guy likes her for her and not because she's good at fixing costumes or because she lets one of them fuck her while the other sticks his cock down her throat and they'd just be stunned into silence bc . damn. they'd explain, and there would probably be a confession too. probably from adrian first bc he's a fuckin motormouth and he can't help but babble about how sorry he is and how much he loves her. then chris would try to confess.

then cue some soft sex. everything about her, both of them trying to make her feel so good bc they love her so much and they feel so guilty for hurting her

ANYWAY IM LOSINH MY MIND I LOVE THIS SO MUCH THANKYOU FOR BLESSIMG MY BRAIN WITH THIS

#everyone be quiet liz is speaking #adrian chase x reader #everyone be quiet 🐢 is speaking

[2small-frog]

healing is a process (hurt/comfort)

(summary: hi i really wanted damien's aftershock audio to be about the freelancer taking care of him after he was injured but,,, erik hates joy and didn't give us that (/lh) so i decided as the resident damien lover that,, who else if not me?? anyways. here. also im working on reqs i swear im just stressed with a capital s rn)

character(s): damien x reader (freelancer) /pl (gavin, kody and vega vaguely mentioned)

reader's pronouns: they/them

cw: inversion, mentions of wounds/blood, trauma and minor character death

"this is bullshit."

the freelancer sighed, wringing out the warm washcloth and bringing it to damien's chest, dabbing gingerly at his wounds. "i know," they started, "but you can't do this on your own". damien's protesting groan was cut off by a hiss as he recoiled from the freelancers touch. "shit, sorry," they muttered, focused in on trying to be as gentle as possible.

"i could if i needed to," he sighed, voice strained and quiet. his eyes travelled up to theirs, which were focused and dark. they trailed over his injuries as they bit down on their lip, a habit of theirs that he'd picked up on since the two met. it hadn't been long since it happened, only three days. fifteen hundred lives lost, and countless injured- damien among them. however, his wounds weren't fatal. they were still severe, sure, but not life threatening. not really. because of this, he was healed just enough to get him stabilized and instructed to let his body do the rest. it made sense, the healers had to save their magic for those who's lives were in danger. he understood, but he hated it. they both did; damien hated being so helpless. he was trying to get more used to depending on people, and he was getting better, he really was. but not like this. he's never had to lean on someone so completely, to the point where he needed help walking. and the freelancer hated seeing their best friend like this: hurt, frustrated, grief-stricken. they wanted to take it away.

"alright," they whispered, mostly to no one in particular. they placed the bloody rag back into the bowl of now-lukewarm water and reached for the rubbing alcohol and gauze, courtesy of the healers. their eyes met his as they poured the strong scented liquid into the cotton. they were bloodshot and sunken in, his dark circles much more prominent than before. the freelancer wasn't particularly surprised by that, though. they didn't look much better themselves, especially not after the disaster. the inversion.

damien made a noise that was as close to a whine as he'd probably ever get, "do you really have to use that? you just cleaned it with the rag". the freelancer breathed out a laugh at his borderline pouting.

"yes, you know i have to," they set the bottle down. "do you want it to get infected?"

damien averted his eyes, "... no."

"didn't think so."

they brought the gauze down onto the gash in his upper chest and he let out another hiss, louder than the last and the freelancer pulled away slightly, not wanting to hurt him any more. once his muscles had relaxed, they hurriedly finished cleaning the wound and disposed of the gauze. damien let out the breath he'd been holding as the freelancer finished applying his bandages, letting himself relax back into his bed. a few moments passed before they tapped his shoulder and held a cold water bottle to his lips, the condensation dripping down their wrist and landing on his chest. cold. refreshing.

"drink," they prompted. he may get on their ass for being irresponsible when it comes to taking care of themselves, but he had to admit that they were damn good at taking care of others. he sighed to himself. of course they were, always putting their own needs on the back burner in favor of helping others. but he knew they were working on it... and he also knew that taking care of others was a coping mechanism for them. he lifted his head and propped himself up on his elbows, sipping slowly from the bottle. the cold water chilled his throat as he greedily drank and the freelancer didn't pull the bottle away until it was almost half empty. standing up slowly, they swiftly checked on his other needs. "are you hungry? you haven't eaten since this morning."

damien hesitated for a moment. "not really, but i could eat something light. i probably should". they nodded and strode out of the room, off to the kitchen. damien wasn't a messy person by any means, everything in his apartment was neat and tidy... besides his bedroom. it always looked lived in, though. little bits of damien scattered here and there that brought the place to life. it made the freelancer feel cozy, comfortable, something that took them so long to achieve at their own apartment. even at a time like this, after what happened, being here with their best friend felt oddly safe.

around twenty minutes passed before the freelancer returned, a bowl of miso soup in hand. it's one of the first meals that damien taught them how to make, he mentioned it was a comfort food of his; that his mom used to make it for him when he was sick. the look on his face as he recreated her recipe made them feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and it was one of the first times they saw him completely stress-free. that is, until they sliced their finger while chopping up the green onion. "hey," they called, shutting the door softly behind them and making their way into the room. damien slowly and carefully sat himself up, smiling softly when he caught the familiar scent of the broth. after warning him about the heat, they watched him like a hawk as he tried it. "i know it's probably not exactly how you like it but i figured it's light and something you like, i just hope it's okay-"

"it's good," he interjected, mostly into the bowl. "really good". the freelancer perked at that, the fire elemental could just imagine a tail wagging furiously behind them.

"oh- good! good, i'm... i'm really glad". they sat quietly as he ate, checking their phone and responding to gavin's worried texts. he already worried about them after the vega and kody situations, and now the inversion? was nervous with them even going over to damien's on their own. after finally reassuring him that they were, indeed, safe- they tuned back into damien who was just finishing off his bowl. "here," the freelancer held out their hand, "i'll take that back to the kitchen."

damien sighed, still not used to being waited on hand-and-foot. he let his spoon clank against the detailed porcelain as he handed over the bowl, "yeah. thanks." they nodded and scurried off to the kitchen. when he heard them turn on the sink, he flopped his body back into the plush pillows and let his eyes drift closed. no surprise to him, he saw them again. the faces of those people, screaming for help. the people the he couldn't save. he tried, he tried so hard the help them- to do something. but he failed. for the first time, his flames wouldn't manifest. at the time he needed them most, he couldn't ground himself enough. he failed, he-

"hey," his eyes snapped open at their voice, forcing him out of his thoughts. concern flooded their features when they saw his eyes, glistening with unshed tears. "hey..." they rushed to his side, lowering themselves into the chair situated next to damien's bed. they knew better than to ask if he was alright; he wasn't. none of them were. none of them had the answers right now, and probably wouldn't for a while. all the freelancer could do was be there and offer a listening ear. maybe even a shoulder to cry on.

damien closed his eyes again. no matter how hard he tried to keep them open, he was far too tired, too drained. he needed the rest, as much as he hated to admit it. after a moment, he felt the freelancer slip their hand into his and rest their head on his thigh.

"what are we gonna do?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

they squeezed his hand. "we'll take it one day at a time. your meeting with the grief counselor is coming up, right? it'll take some time but... we'll get through this together. we all will."

damien squeezed their hand back, allowing himself to relish in the comfort their presence brought him. he was miserable, nearly every thought overrun with 'what ifs' and regrets. but a piece of him believed them. believed that they would find a way to heal from this.

"thank you, freelancer."

@the-phantoms-library @theodorebasmanov @cryptixmoth @sunberrybush @myanettes @sunsable @bug-likes-monsters @dangergays

#mars.writes #redacted asmr

[klixxy]

Genshin Fic Recs

so... i ventured into the vast world of Google looking for some good GI fic recs... only to find such a pitiful amount that i was promptly devastated. therefore, the solution is to make my own! :D

keep in mind most of these will be ChiLi or XingYun, and yes, i will try not to include smut unless it was one i really really liked. if anyone wants a separate list for just smut (though that will most likely be shorter) i can try to make one later.`

ft. my bookmark comments :)

CHILI

wrapped up in pure gold by beyondwinter

(chili; accidental marriage; chili/childe-centric; 22k words; ongoing)

"Do you understand its meaning, Childe?" He finally asks. There's a hard glint in his eyes, like he's trying to steel himself for his answer.

"Yeah." Loyalty and devotion, right? Between business partners? "I do. It's traditional, isn't it?"

Zhongli's eyes glow a warm amber in the near darkness, reflecting the soft shine of the lanterns. He studies his face with a strange intensity, as though Childe were a piece of high quality Nocticulous Jade being sold for suspiciously small sum and he's trying to find the blemishes that would explain the price. The weight of his gaze should be uncomfortable, boring into him like he can see into the very depths of his abyss-tainted soul, but Childe finds himself preening under the attention instead.

Childe accidentally proposes to Zhongli. Zhongli accepts.

The World is Water by Millereflets

(chili; smut; hurt/comfort; chili-centric; 7k words; oneshot)

Childe doesn't visit Zhongli until it's almost too late.

(my bookmarks: HOW DO YOU MAKE A SMUT SCENE SO POETIC HOLY SHITTTTT)

Set in Stone by seredemia

(chili; fake dating au; angst; some smut?; chili/chiilde-centric; 55k words; ongoing)

What do you do when you write about a certain six thousand year old consultant so much in your letters that it somehow convinces your entire family you're not only dating each other, but that you're also engaged?

In Childe's case, the answer is plain and simple: he goes along with it, of course. Absolutely nothing can go wrong if he makes a contract with the God of Contracts, vowing that the two of them will pretend to be lovers for the duration of his family's stay in Liyue. Afterwards, they'll return as normal and speak no more of this mess. No feelings or complications involved whatsoever.

Contract accepted. A fool-proof plan set in stone. Right?

Private Ledger of the Eleventh Harbinger by JuHuaTai

(chili; humor; getting together; chili/ekaterina-centric; 5k words; oneshot)

“So guess what I did next?”

Ekaterina contemplated not answering, but Harbinger Tartaglia was just… grinning and waiting. It’s honestly rather creepy the longer time passed.

In the end, she gave a long suffering sigh that seems lost on him, “You bought him the Erhu—“

“I bought him the antique, cor lapis based Erhu,”

-

When she first left her homeland for the unknown nation of Liyue, Ekaterina was ready to be many things: To be a soldier, to fell Tsaritsa’s enemies in her name, to bring glory to Snezhnaya and her leader.

Being a receptionist in a cozy bank wasn’t so bad in comparison, but she absolutely can do without the front row seat to Harbinger Tartaglia’s (expensive) love life.

i know i'm where i'm meant to go by paperclips (pastel_paperclips)

(chili; humor; fluff; chili-centric; 12k words; ongoing)

"Childe," Zhongli says suddenly. "I am enjoying myself greatly." Childe’s face breaks into a grin. "Then-" Zhongli gasps, grabbing his wrist and tugging him over to an unsuspecting peddler with a cart full of rocks. "Is that an intrusive igneous pegmatite formed in the Inazuma regions?" Childe’s grin smooths into a small, adoring smile. He has all the time in the world to figure the other man out.

OR: Finding the Geo Archon is on Childe's to-do list but hanging out with Zhongli is significantly more fun.

CHILIVEN

Crumbling Stone by avtorSola

(chiliven; ANGST; PAIN; mind control; zhongli-centric; 74k words; ongoing)

When Morax unleashes his plan to test the Liyue Qixing and his adepti, he does not take into account the stirring of the Abyss Order in the north and the corruption of Dvalin - for why would he fear an organization that works in such shadows? He is secure in his power, after all, unlike his flighty ex, the absentee archon of Mondstadt who rises only when his people are in danger.

But, somehow, the Abyss Order discovers his plan. Somehow, they capitalize on it. And he, the God of Stone who cannot sicken, is struck down - taken by an order bent on destroying all of humanity as Liyue crumbles around him. For even Archons aren't immune to Durin's blood, and Morax is no exception. But then the question becomes - if even Archons may fall to the agony of this corrupting burn - how is their traveling friend Aether immune?

The answer comes from beyond the stars - an ancient malice that knows no kindness or mercy. A malice whose legacy the Abyss Order now bears, seeking to topple all the Archons and their people into the void of utter destruction. And they have begun in Liyue.

Fortunately, it takes a long time to erode stone.

(my bookmarks: IM SCREAMING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

PLATONIC ZHONGVEN

left-behind city by trixstar

(platonic zhongven; angst; ANGST; venti-centric; 1k words; oneshot)

"An associate of mine has just informed me that Rex Lapis, the Geo Archon has been assassinated."

Venti blinks.

Or: Venti and how he copes with finding out he is all that remains.

i circle ten thousand years long; and i still do not know if i am a falcon, a storm, or an unfinished song by birdsofpassage

(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 4k words; oneshot)

Venti and Zhongli, and the vignettes of a much-needed vacation around Mondstadt.

(my bookmarks: ; - ;      ;  -  ; )

oh ye with little faith by air_fried_air

(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

Two former archons do a little tour around Mondstadt.

(my bookmarks: why are all genshin angst fics so melancholy.... i feel so empty)

the wind through the mountain tops by glassdrachma

(platonic zhongven; humor; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 21k words; finished)

Boredom brings Barbatos of Mondstadt to bother a certain ex-Archon of the Earth.

(my bookmarks: venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship-)

XINGYUN

the art of exorcism by Agried

(xingyun; ghost au; hurt/comfort; chongyun-centric; 9k words; oneshot)

On the road back from one of his jobs, Chongyun runs into Xingqiu, the wandering swordsman. And then they keep meeting, over and over again. or, alternately; how a ghost and an exorcist learn how to love, one step at a time.

Bane of All Evil by tzitzimeme

(xingyun; humor; romance; chongyun-centric; 24k words; hiatus)

When Chongyun unintentionally offends Liyue's second most powerful adepti, he vows to mend the thorny relationship between Adeptus Xiao and human exorcists-- even though no one has succeeded in currying Xiao's favor for over a thousand years.

His best friend Xingqiu offers to come alone, mainly because he's worried about what kind of trouble Chongyun will run into. Along the way, they receive help from others: Xiangling packs them meals for their journeys, while Zhongli gives them advice on what demons to track.

Childe is just there because he thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

[On indefinite hiatus due to burnout; sorry!]

kiss me slowly (so i don't forget) by xiwangmu

(xingyun; humor; romance; light angst; xingqiu-centric; 8k words; oneshot)

Wangshu Inn Bulletin Board

Guest Message: My best friend whom I harbor affections for kissed me last night, but due to his special condition he does not recall a single moment of it. I am quite conflicted about whether to disclose these events to him or not, because that would most certainly require me to confess my feelings as well. If anyone has experience in romancing boys with excessive positive energy, this one humbly asks you to share some advice.

Reply: Our greatest apologies—although we would like to offer some words in response, we simply cannot decipher your handwriting. Perhaps you may return with a neater message next time?

time trials by idlestars

(xingyun/many ships; humor; modern au; xingyun-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

A modern social media AU.

Xingqiu Teases Demons. Chongyun Almost Cries. [The clip shows Xingqiu, lit by the sickly green of night vision, as he stares bored into a dark room. He’s alone - Chongyun left to see if Xingqiu could lure out the ghosts. Xingqiu glances at the camera, smirks, and then opens his mouth.

“Hey demons, it’s me, yah boy.”]

OTHER/GEN

woe be the wallet of the god of wealth by glassdrachma

(gen; humor; identity reveal; keqing/zhongli-centric; 12k words; finished)

Or, the story of how the Yuheng of the Qixing came to idolize, befriend, and discover the identity of the God of Geo, in that order.

(personal comments: hilarious, made me burst out into laughter multiple times, and was just a masterful piece of writing)

to dream of dust by miao_x

(guili/gen; ANGST; hurt/no comfort; zhongli-centric; 5k words; oneshot)

Some nights, Zhongli dreams.

He dreams of soft light, golden song, and a gentle breeze whispering tales of millennia past. It is warm, familiar, and comforting.

It feels like home.

And then he opens his eyes, and awakes to reality.

(my bookmarks: oh zhongli... made me cry)

To drown in your own tears by C_rin_nyan

(guili/gen; ANGST; TEARS; PAIN; zhongli-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

As Rex Lapis, he had never shed a tear, even as he slaughtered hundreds, destruction following his every step. As Zhongli, he had shed much more than he would like to admit, however.

Or, “Zhongli’s soul gave its last scream long ago, yet even now, the echo of said sound was still strong enough to reach Rex Lapis.”

#fic rec #fic recs #fanfic #fanfic recs #genshin #genshin impact #ao3 #chili #tartali #zhongchi #xingyun #childe #zhongli #xingqiu #chongyun #venti #zhongven #guili #guizhong #angst